Narcotics Found in Smuggler’s Wig + Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons + Pacman Jones

Summary

Summary of The Adam Carolla Show Episode: "Narcotics Found in Smuggler’s Wig + Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons + Pacman Jones"

Release Date: February 26, 2025

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1. Opening Banter and Introduction

The episode kicks off with Adam Carolla welcoming his listeners and introducing the day's guests: comedian Greg Fitzsimmons and former NFL cornerback Pacman Jones. Adam briefly mentions Greg's upcoming comedy specials and tours, highlighting Greg's presence on YouTube and his impressive 500,000+ views. The energy is high as Adam sets the stage for an engaging conversation filled with humor and candid discussions.

2. Praying, Atheism, and the Concept of Heaven

Discussion Points:

• Adam and Greg delve into the topic of prayer, religion, and atheism.
• They explore the paradox of widespread praying for personal needs versus the belief that a higher power does not intervene in daily affairs.
• The conversation transitions into a humorous take on what heaven might look like for different people.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [00:48]: "Yeah. There is no God."
• Greg Fitzsimmons [03:30]: "Well, it's like. And then you go like, yeah, my sister's got cancer. I'll pray for her. No, send her 50 bucks."
• Adam Carolla [07:56]: "Annoying is a word that only women use, and I hear it all the time, and they apply it to everything."

3. Humorous Musings on Afterlife and Human Flaws

Discussion Points:

• Adam muses about the imperfections people would carry into heaven, using himself as an example of someone who might make it despite flaws.
• They humorously speculate about the Pope and other dignitaries navigating heaven with their personalities intact.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [05:33]: "He has to wait on them while they're eating, drinking mimosas at the country club."
• Greg Fitzsimmons [05:54]: "I think heaven is a manifestation of whatever it should be, whatever you dreamed it would be."

4. Interactions with Women: Miscommunications and Frustrations

Discussion Points:

• The duo discusses common miscommunications between men and women, particularly focusing on the term "annoying."
• They highlight how women often use "annoying" as a catch-all term, making it difficult for men to address specific grievances.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [08:10]: "I told you, famously, I never say 'annoyed.' Like, I'll go, I won't go. That guy's annoying."
• Greg Fitzsimmons [09:29]: "It's a kind of a gaslighting move. Because you're annoyed. That doesn't mean they're annoying."

5. Greg Fitzsimmons’ Stand-Up Special and Upcoming Shows

Discussion Points:

• Greg shares insights about his stand-up career, upcoming tour dates across the U.S. and Canada, and promotes his website for bookings.
• Adam praises Greg's joke writing abilities and encourages listeners to attend his shows.

Notable Quotes:

• Greg Fitzsimmons [02:17]: "I'm a great joke writer. You go out and see Greg Fitzsimmons."
• Adam Carolla [65:20]: "Fitzdog.com Go there, watch a pro in his office."

6. Special Segment with Pacman Jones: NFL Insights and Personal Anecdotes

Discussion Points:

• Pacman Jones joins the show, bringing his NFL experience into the conversation.
• He discusses the challenges of playing cornerback, reflecting on the rigor of the position compared to quarterbacks.
• The conversation touches on notable NFL players like Antonio Brown, Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, and Aaron Rodgers, with Pacman sharing personal encounters and opinions on their playing styles.
• They also explore Pacman’s brief foray into boxing and his thoughts on various sports personalities.

Notable Quotes:

• Pacman Jones [69:58]: "The cornerback part of the NFL game is by far the hardest part."
• Pacman Jones [72:19]: "I caught Randy Moss like at the end of his career, but God damn. Like Randy, it was nobody like Randy Moss."
• Adam Carolla [75:13]: "I remember once playing against AJ Brown, similar to you guys."

7. Humorous Takes on Driving and Cyclist Encounters

Discussion Points:

• Adam shares personal stories about road rage and interactions with cyclists who block traffic.
• The conversation humorously addresses the frustrations of dealing with cyclists in traffic and the potential dangers involved.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [40:44]: "Someone driving and there's a bunch of cars... it's awesome. But so they take over the road, which I'm, you know, agnostic about."
• Greg Fitzsimmons [44:16]: "Cyclists, yes, right."

8. Mock Boxing and Comedic Skits

Discussion Points:

• Adam and Greg engage in a playful mock boxing segment, reenacting exaggerated scenarios with humorous dialogue.
• This segment highlights the show's signature blend of comedy and improvisation, showcasing the chemistry between the hosts and guests.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [38:27]: "Respect the elderly, motherfucker. Perfect."
• Greg Fitzsimmons [38:43]: "They're lucky Baldwin didn't audition for this because someone would have got shot."

9. Reflections on Past Encounters and Personal Stories

Discussion Points:

• Greg shares a personal story about a high school romantic rejection and reconnecting with Charlotte Bourne years later.
• They discuss self-perception, confidence issues stemming from childhood, and the impact of societal expectations on personal relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Greg Fitzsimmons [60:07]: "And then my friends know I'm gonna ask her out. And she says no."
• Adam Carolla [58:03]: "I've always been told by my mother, what are the chances Sally Ann likes you?"

10. Navigating Public Image and Personal Branding

Discussion Points:

• Pacman Jones talks about managing his public image, especially regarding political affiliations and social media perceptions.
• The conversation touches on the challenges of maintaining authenticity while dealing with public scrutiny.

Notable Quotes:

• Pacman Jones [93:28]: "I like Trump."
• Adam Carolla [93:31]: "I like Trump too."

11. News Highlights: Narcotics in Smuggler’s Wig

Discussion Points:

• The show briefly touches on a bizarre news story about a man arrested at a Colombian airport for smuggling cocaine hidden in his wig.
• They humorously speculate on the logistics and absurdity of such a smuggling method.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [117:56]: "If you see a picture of Mark Davis, you go, oh, yeah, he smuggled some on coke."

12. Closing Remarks and Promotions

The episode concludes with Adam promoting upcoming live shows, encouraging listeners to visit his website for tour dates. Pacman Jones also promotes his own show, “Politely Raw with Pacman Jones,” and thanks his team and listeners for their support. The hosts wrap up the episode with light-hearted banter, maintaining the show's characteristic humor and camaraderie.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions on various topics ranging from religion and interpersonal relationships to NFL insights and bizarre news stories. With engaging guests like Greg Fitzsimmons and Pacman Jones, the show maintains its hallmark of unfiltered humor and sharp wit, providing listeners with an entertaining and thought-provoking experience.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Get the Angel REEF special at McDonald's. Now, let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and the drinks.

[Adam Carolla]

Sound good? I participate in restaurants for a limited time. In this episode, Fitz dog Greg Fitzsimmons comes in to chop it up. We'll do the news with mayhem and Adam Pacman Jones Shut down NFL Corner comes in to dish to do. We'll do all that right after this. From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Greg Fitzsimmons and former NFL cornerback and return specialist Pac Man Jones. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now available for the Pope gig, Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on Chesapeake and get it on one of the funny ones. Back in studio, Greg Fitzsimmons. There's dates. Also very funny. Special available on YouTube. You know me, it's getting around 500,000 views and rightfully so because it is funny. Also, dates coming up, March 6th through the 8th, Punchline Atlanta. Then the 15th, that's the Hollywood Improv. And then 26 of March, Levity Comedy Club. That's in Hamilton, Canada. And also laugh Boston, April 4th and 5th. You want to see a pro, see a guy who is a great joke writer. You go out and you see Greg Fitzsimmons. Goodbye.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Thank you, Adam. I appreciate it. I didn't know you were up for the pope job.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I threw my hat in the ring.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

See what I did there? Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Here's the thing about the pope is he's gonna die pretty soon, which is gonna be right in the face of millions of people talking to God and saying, don't let him die. Is that not proof?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There is no God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's weird because we do a lot of praying and people pray for a lot of stuff. They want the pope to live. They want Casey to cover the spread on the Super Bowl. They want their kids leukemia to go away. They do a lot of praying. But then when you talk to really religious people, they'll go, well, God's not your butler. He's not there to prevent wars or to heal your kid or to fix your dented fender. Save the Pope. That's not what he does. I'm like, well, then maybe we should stop asking.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like, we are leaving a perpetual clean this room notice hanging off our hotel door, but no maid ever shows up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, it's like. And then you go like, yeah, my sister's got cancer. I'll pray for her. No, send her 50 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to do something that's right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, and then I think about the Pope going to heaven. And what happens when a Pope goes to heaven because, you know, he's a vip. But is there a better version of heaven for the Pope than there is for the rest of us?

[Adam Carolla]

There has to be a skybox.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Ironically.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All the nacho chips you want, unlimited bud lights, you know, and I get. And also, look, people aren't perfect. I mean, the ones that get to heaven still have flaws, Human flaws. You know what I mean? Like, you know, I kind of like to believe that as a guy who's essentially an atheist, but who's paid his taxes and taken care of those around me, that it never molested anybody, that I would make the great. That I would be in heaven.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's a good scorecard.

[Adam Carolla]

If there was a heaven I bought. You know, I've done things for people. I've never been in trouble with the law. I didn't, you know, covet anyone's oxen or anything. You know, like, I didn't. I've done had adulterous affairs and stuff. Like, I really haven't done any. You know, I may not have read the ten Commandments, but I complied. Yes, is what I would say about my life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

By default. You lived in the confines of a Christian life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, default, default. So I'd like to think I would make it into heaven, but I would still bring a lot of my negative human tendencies, you know what I mean? So, like, there's gotta be. When the Pope arrives in heaven and he's coming down the hall, it's gotta be a lot of la dee da. Oh, look. Look at the. Look at him in his robe and his hat. Thinks he's so much better than me. You know, just cause I died wearing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A sweatpants, now I didn't wear a dress.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, look, this highness has to use the bathroom. You know what I mean?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Heaven, to me, the happiest I am on earth is shitting on me, ridicule. And if I can't have that in heaven, I don't want any part of it.

[Adam Carolla]

I would rather live in a molten sea of fire and make fun of people wearing shitty cowboy boots.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Look at that guy's face melting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Than live in a place where I couldn't critique or ridicule. Yeah, I agree.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think heaven is a manifestation of whatever it should be, whatever you dreamed it would be, you know, And I think for most guys, that's blowjobs. It would just be a non stop multi partner. They tap each other out, just blow and. But the thing is, then you think, all right, but that sounds like for women, that's hell. There would have to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You'd have to find women in hell that were murderers.

[Adam Carolla]

We'd have to bring them up, change program.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They would be the dick sucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically a chain gang.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

For the eternity. You know what I mean? Like, all right, we need the roads clean. Fitz dog needs his dick sucked.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

So come on down.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Maybe not me, but definitely, like Gandhi, John Lennon. Like, there's certain people that they're gonna get dick suck by. Like the Manson girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. That's right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think the best guy gets the worst girl. Cause they give the best blowjobs.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think from little, you know, from the amount of porn I've seen, and I've seen the double blow job, I think women by nature are super competitive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And we've all seen the last purse at the department store, and they're fighting over it. They didn't even want the purse when they walked into the department store, but then some bitch wanted it and now they want it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's what you want with your dong.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you want a real healthy competition going on. Not one eye on the TV set. I'm still chewing gum. You want a real competition, it should.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Be a $90 lipstick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because in every movie where they do this, the second one is trying to outdo the first one, you know, and we're all the winner because of it, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah. We're all the winners. And I feel like, you know, I wonder what heaven is for women, because I don't think they would enjoy. My experience with women is oral sex for them is six minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Let me write more.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

More is annoying to them, and less doesn't get them where they want to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Annoying is a word that only women use, and I hear it all the time, and they apply it to everything.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you, famously, I never Say annoyed. Like, I'll go, I won't go. That guy's annoying. I'll go, he's such a douchebag. He's such a blowhard. Like, I want to hear him. And there's people are like, this guy's an ass wipe, or this guy's a whatever he is, but annoying. Annoying is interesting because it's in the eye of the beholder. And so what women can do is you go, you want to go out to dinner Saturday with Johnny and his wife Suzanne. And they go, suzanne's annoying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you go, she seems nice. No, she's annoying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you go, I don't know. Last time we went to eat, we just sat there and ate. It seemed nice. She's annoying. And you can't argue away annoying. Now if she said she's cheap, then you can go, well, they picked up the bill the last time I went. Like, you can defeat all the other arguments. Annoying is an umbrella that covers all humans. You can't argue with it. And women apply it to everything and guys don't because it's nebulous. It doesn't have a lane. Like we're nuts and bolts. Like we need to go, this guy's bigoted or this guy's a drunken asshole, or this guy's physically aggressive, or this guy's pussy, you know, whatever it is. But annoying is just some catch all category.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, it's kind of. It's kind of a gaslighting move. Because you're annoyed. That doesn't mean they're annoying. There's something about them that's triggering something in you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you've labeled people annoying because you're annoyed. But I may not think of them as annoying people.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Whereas rude, everybody's gonna perceive rude, everybody's gonna perceive cheap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But annoying is your issue. Fucking deal with it.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. So women's heaven would be. I think it'd be a large group of women drinking mimosas talking about how annoying certain people are. Yes, that would be one of.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But they only talk. They don't have to ever listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. Listening.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. No, no, it's a not. And men from hell come up Hitler. He's bound and gagged, eyes open like in Clockwork Orange with the toothpicks where his eyes have to stay open and he has to listen to Maeve from the country club talk about how the greenskeeper keeps cutting them off too long.

[Adam Carolla]

He has to wait on them while they're eating, drinking mimosas at the country club. And then Hitler has to come in and they go, this a great woman thing. Dr. Drew's wife does this. They go, what kind of salad dressing do you have? And they go, we have Thousand Island. We have Zesty Italian. We have oil and vinegar and we have blue cheese. And they go, no, Roquefort. We have Zesty Italian. A Thousand Island.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's like, is that a statement or is that a question?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird. It's. I gave you what we have, right? Not going to work with these women. They want. And now this is where Hitler really gets annoyed. They start inventing their own salad dressing. You know, they go, just bring out olive oil and balsamic vinegar and some blue cheese crumbles, would you please? And I'll just get out my bunsen burner, my graduated cylinder, my beaker, and I'll just like, you got five dressings, bitch, Pick one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And there's always extra blue cheese laying around.

[Adam Carolla]

Or if you're undressing, if this is that big an issue.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sure, I've seen women do that.

[Adam Carolla]

So Hitler is the. He is there. And then there's a lot of discussions about food allergies and about what is that American cheese? Or is that cheddar cheese that comes on the Kobe burger? Whatever. Hitler's just. He just has to stand there crestfallen.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And he can't speak. And his arm is. It's bandaged down so he can't do the heil. Headlamp.

[Adam Carolla]

No Heil.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you know, for him, that's just a symbol of everything. So. But I think that women in general wanna talk without listening. And how do you get them all talking to each other? You know.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think they mind if the men have a kind of ping pong. Back in a fourth. Like if I'm sitting with one of my buddies, I go, here you go. And then they go. I wait for it to come back. Women will just keep smacking the ball the same direction. It doesn't really need to come back to them. They're not waiting on what the person serve.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They just serve to an empty side of the table.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me if this sounds true to you too, with women. I've noticed it from talking, especially to Dr. Drew, because Dr. Drew's wife almost is like Whitney Houston where she goes, I'm every woman. Is that Whitney Houston? I'm every woman. There's certain women that just embody womanhood. And Dr. Drew's wife has all of those qualities, good and bad. But when I talk to Dr. Drew on the phone and I do, frequently. His wife, Whitney Houston, who is every woman. I hear Dr. Drew. And he's like, yeah, well, I don't know. Did you see that clip? And then at some point he goes, yeah, I don't know. Check the pantry. And then he goes, anyway. Then he goes, I can't. I'm on the phone. And then he goes. And then she pauses, and then she just. She'll keep talking. I've found with women, they don't fully acknowledge that you're on the phone, but this falls under the heading of they don't really care if you're having a conversation or not. They're just talking to you. I've found with women in the phone, not only are they really like, I'll go. I'm talking to Dr. Drew. And they'll go, I'm just saying, if we don't leave on Tuesday. And it's like, it doesn't really slow the roll.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's also no change in volume. If I'm three rooms away, she'll start talking in a regular tone, forcing me to leave my room and come closer to listen.

[Adam Carolla]

I've had a million discussions where I go, I am downstairs watching television. There's no possible way I can hear what you're saying from upstairs in a conversational tone.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But as a human, when you hear it, you go to it, because you don't know, as a man, is there an emergency?

[Adam Carolla]

I think what it is is back in the day, rich old women had that bell and Jeeves would have to come running up the stairs. I think that new bell is them speaking in a conversational tone. And I'm sitting downstairs, like, watching SportsCenter, going, I think I hear something. And then I. Like an idiot, I reinforce the negative behavior. I do get up and walk up and go, what? Are you saying something? And they go, yeah, I'm done. But that's their bell.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But it's funny you say reinforce the behavior, because I really do think. And I'm sure it goes both ways. But you're training. You are training with positive and negative. Like, if you're a guy and you never go out with your friends, and then one night you go, hey, I'm going bowling with the guys. And then she goes, what? I'm not invited, right? Then you gotta go, well, why would you be invited? And her answer is, because I'm always there, right? Well, you can't set up that precedent. You have to. Even if you're not meeting friends, go tell her you're meeting friends just to set up the expectation that every Tuesday night you go out with your friends, go sit in a fucking coffee shop. Get out of the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Get out of the house. All right, tell me what you think about the great magnet. I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm not a religious man. I am running for Pope.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But I not a religious man. But I was sitting around the other day, and I don't know, somebody tweeted me something about Norm MacDonald, and then I tweeted something back like Norm or something. This wasn't what I was saying. So this wasn't the tweet, but it is the tweet we ended up on, which is somebody. Somebody said, oh, we miss Norm. And I said, yeah, I like Norm or something. And then you can put the tweet up. And then somebody felt the nest. Necessity. Go ahead to explain to me via the tweet that was just up that they love Adam, but I couldn't carry Norm's gym bag. And I know it by the way, almost every time someone says and you know it, I never know it. Like, you didn't know it. I didn't know I wasn't qualified comedically to carry Norm's gym bag. No, I don't know that. I never thought that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And like I said, most of the know it stuff is something I've never entertained or thought about. Unless he's physically talking about moving Norm's gym equipment, which he probably doesn't need at this stage. But somebody wrote that, and then I wrote back. I do not. No, I don't know that. Like, I'm not trying to be a dick, but he's been on the show many times, and I've had many funny conversations with Norm. But, no, I've never felt like I couldn't carry his gym back. And the reason I know that is because he's come on the show and we've done long form comedic bits many times, and I've been equal to Norm in these long form comedic bits. But also they're my bits. Like, I've been sort of steering the conversation. Fine. I love Norm. I don't know why people need to be insulting. But anyway, I had this conversation. Then the next day, I get a long text from Judd Apatow, who I have not heard from in a long time. And it says, hey, I'm doing a doc on Norm MacDonald. I know he's been on your show a few times. Anything. You have any archival footage or whatever, Whatever. Because Apatow is doing all these great docs on comedians now. Which is a full circle thing for him, which is sort of interesting in that he started off when he was, like, 13, like, interviewing comedians in town, and now he's become some sort of comedic historian, where he's, like, capturing and doing all these docs on these guys. Great guy. Good for him. But it's weird that I was talking about Norm MacDonald and then the following day, I get this Judd Apatow thing. Now, Judd's been working on this for months. Did he see something online and it reminded him or what is going on in the timing department?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, he reached out to me this week also.

[Adam Carolla]

He did?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Because Norm used to come on my podcast, and we had a very fun. I used to do a segment called Talk. I did it with you. I did it with you. Talk your way out of it. I put you in an uncomfortable situation that you're stuck in. It's almost like a curb thing. And then you got to talk your way out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

So Judd hit you earlier as well?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is a pure coincidence that I was talking about Norm, and now Judd comes in the next day with Norm.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so my. The situation with Norm was, you're fucking this girl, and as you're fucking her, she's yelling, she's calling you the N word, and she's saying, put that big black cock in me, you. And so I said to Norm, I go, then there's a knock on the door, and you open it up, and it's the next door neighbor. It's a big black guy. Talk your way out of it. And then he goes. I would just look at the guy and go, hey, let's kill this honky bitch. Like in a fucking split second, he comes up with that. So he was asking about trying to put that in the dock. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe I'm not fit to carry his gym bag, but wasn't it fit to carry his jockstrap?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, first you gotta carry the gym.

[Adam Carolla]

Bag with the strap. Strap.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then once you get in the locker room, then you take it out, bring the jock strap, bring it over to him. Yeah. And then you're not qualified to cradle his balls. Is after you take out the jockstrap, you have to cradle his balls to put them in to the jockstrap.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, have to cup the ball to get it into the jockstrap.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, obviously. Isn't it weird that jocks. That the cup that we all wore playing sports covered really nothing. All the soft stuff was underneath the cup. It didn't really. There was no ball coverage at all with the cup. Unless you had very small balls.

[Adam Carolla]

There is a kickboxer's cup which goes down and bends in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, it does.

[Adam Carolla]

And it heads Taintworth under there for the upper kick. For your picture guy kicking up your crotch all the time. So it does exist. Another question for you. Tell me if this bothers you or not. You're an open minded guy. Sure, this bothers me. I have been saying I don't like. We have Macron and Macron is talking to Trump. But did we, oh, did we figure out when Trump uses an interpreter? I was asking for that. You guys can look for that. Okay, so first the Prime Minister of India comes over here, he's talking to Trump, but they're using an interpreter and it's a woman. Yeah, he's a 65 year old Husky dude. Then the Japanese prime minister comes over here and he's talking. But while we're talking, I'm hearing a woman's voice. Now listen, I'm gonna sound close minded, but when I hear the interpreter, like seeing a movie that's dubbed over, the fantasy is that I'm hearing this person's voice that has been translated in English. But if you do a woman's voice on a tune, then I.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The jig is emasculating.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is McCrone jockeying. And I wonder if Macron has a traveling translator or Trump assigns him a chick voice so he gets the upper hand. But this is Macron talking.

[Pac Man Jones]

Sirs, Ladies and gentlemen.

[Adam Carolla]

Ladies and gentlemen. I'll be saying a few words in French.

[Pac Man Jones]

It's a real passion to get.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always a chick, it's always a woman. Now we just went the last three dignitaries that showed up. India, Japan and France. All female.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is not a coincidence at this point. Now I asked you, Andrew, when Trump. Trump must use an interpreter at some point. I don't think he uses a chicken now. Cuz he wants to sound like him. Right. Half his speeches are him threatening and belittling. Yeah, you want some soft spoken woman doing that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

You want big husky voice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I think Trump should hire flaming homosexuals. Especially for the guy from France. Thank you, M. You look really sweet today. Everything you do just makes me tingle. We totally understand your stance on NATO.

[Adam Carolla]

It would give you at least a verbal upper hand, a tonal upper hand, don't you think?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I like that. I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it a coincidence? So here's what you guys gotta find out. Does it always need to be a woman? Yeah, like I look, I Get it. I'm a close minded, you know, I'm. I'm a xenophobic, close minded misogynist. But couldn't we just go, a woman prime minister gets a woman prime. You guys wouldn't like it if Joey Buttafuoco was doing the transition for Angela Merkel.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a woman should have a woman's voice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And a guy should have a guy's voice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. What about a very high functioning person with down syndrome?

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. For like a career, like Gavin Newsom, that type of dignitary.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Very high functioning.

[Adam Carolla]

High functioning.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I just can't believe that Trump would take a female. Is there. All right, so please stop me. Trump has to have interpreters when he goes to France and gives a speech.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Macron has one when he comes here. Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know. Is it.

[Adam Carolla]

We never hear it. I never hear him. And then does he have his own? And is he trying to do like. Trump must have his own and it's gotta be a dude. He wouldn't let. He wouldn't go to France and let you assign him a check.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, we're gonna look into this because I. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is it. Do you bring somebody or is it like if you're a football team, you're the Kansas City Chiefs and you go to Atlanta, do you use the locker room attendant that they provide you at the stadium or do you bring your own guy? Because maybe you don't want. Maybe you're talking about plays in the locker room and you don't want to spy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. I think you clear that place out, you got all your own people.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because also if you bring. If you use their interpreter, he's going to spin. He could spin it. You want your guy saying exactly what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would use a guy that sounded like Nick Nolte now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Real gravel and also with some acting chops.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? So, like, I wouldn't go, you know? You know, if you don't reopen this Nord Stream pipeline, you're gonna have hell to pay. I want a guy's going, if you don't open this Nordstrom pipeline right now, you can have hell to pay, bro. Like, I let him put his own flavor on it too, you know, you want to add a bro or now or a dramatic pause like halfway through.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Don't look at me like that, would I?

[Adam Carolla]

Paul, me boy. We found Hot Mic Trump, German translator after speech. All right, so Trump is in Germany giving A speech. Okay, here it is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Love a hot mic.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so Trump does use a dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But it's obviously not his dude.

[Adam Carolla]

So Trump uses a dude. I just wanna. I'm gonna make sure. I feel like Trump uses a dude. Like, it's funny. It's like when politicians on the left. It's an interesting thing. I was checking with Trump. You know, you go to their Twitter feed. Trump's like, President 45, President 47. Here's my golf handicap, bitch. And then you go to Gavin News. Somebody goes, father of Tina and Jason and husband too, blah, blah, blah. And then at some point, it goes to governor. Yeah, but it's always laying the credentials out as a parent, as a dude, as a neighbor, whatever. Then you get to President of the United States. So I wonder. The one that bothers me the most is Marlee Maitland. Which Marlee?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Matlin.

[Adam Carolla]

Matlin, Sorry. Marlee Matlin. Yes. She uses a dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She does, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Bothersome.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I would get James Earl Jones.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Like a real VO guy. And it doesn't matter. First of all, they don't need to. You assign. Yeah. You give him what you're gonna say, and then you have the microphone, put filters on it, make it echo and boom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Luke. Yeah. Yeah. So is there any other footage of Trump? I think it's all dudes. And you can find the Prime Minister of India, and you can find. We had the Japanese prime minister too, but I think. I think it's a move. You know what kind of move it is? It's the kind of move where the guy shakes your hand and pulls you in a little and turns it a little and gives you the pinch. Like, I'm the alpha male here. You got the bitches doing your voice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

I got the dude doing my voice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's a. I think it's that move we have. We have the. Look. Look at the Japanese one again. It does bump you. Because what we're attempting to do is a simulation. We're attempting to say, if this person spoke English, this is what it would sound like. Yeah, okay. Sorry.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think if you had.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Okay. Play for a second. Attempts in the east and South China seas in order to fully defend a free and open. That's a dude. Yeah, yeah, listen. Fuck y'all. You would never do. Okay. You've written books.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I've written books, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When really rich, important people, not us, write books, they don't do their audiobook.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

They go, fuck that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I did mine. But I did mine, too.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been doing 20, 35 hours sitting in a booth. I'm not gonna do all that shit. Give it to somebody else. Well, they get a guy who sounds like them, who can approximate the feel of. Conor McGregor is doing a tell all book. He doesn't get some 17 year old chick to read it. He gets some dude with an Irish accent.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, Keith Richards got what's his name to do it. The guy from Pirates of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp. He got Johnny Depp to do. His voice, sounded exactly like him.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a. That's a move right there. Can you imagine calling Johnny Depp? Hey, man, I'm gonna try that with Brad Pitt. Hey, Brad, I know you don't know me, but maybe read some of my work. Anyway, I'm really busy and if you can just come to the studio. All right, so you would never do. If you went to your publisher and went, listen, I don't have time to read my audiobook, but my sister says she'll do it because she's kind of out of work. They'd go, you can't have a woman read your voice. Okay, I'm making the same argument here. We must have an alignment, a genital alignment, which is. You can use an interpreter. It has to be the same sex.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And if they're Asian, it should be a little person.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, yeah. Something squeaky.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If they're bald, they're bald.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, yeah. You know, wait, if they're bald, then.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The interpreter should be bald.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we're going right across.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All the way across.

[Adam Carolla]

Left handed. Left handed. Blue eyed. Blue eyed. Like, when do we stop?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, if the person is known to drink, as Putin is, you get a drunk interpreter. A guy who's slurring.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, I was just looking back on that. Remember in comedy you could just have a thing like, hey, he doesn't have to call me Johnny. You can call me Ray or you can call me Jay or you can call me John.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like it's just a little pattern. And that was like your whole thing. And I was just looking at clips of. What's the guy who always pretended he was drunk? Oh, yeah, we'll think of his name Roast. If someone just now I'm saying I want to say DeForest Kelly, but that's a guy from F Troop. He had a name like Forrest.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, he had a weird kind of old English name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And you just put in old Dean Martin roast. Drunk comic. And you'll. Although everyone was drunk on those roasts, but you'll get Foster Brooks Foster Brooks, right? Foster Brooks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

DeForest. Well, that's where I get the Foster. But his whole thing was just one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Thing, which, by the way, apparently he never drank at those things. He was drinking a Coke and just slurring.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, he did. And there were. If you go back and look at those old rose things with Foster Brooks, they're pretty funny.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

So we could have Foster Brooks. Go find me a clip of Foster Brooks. We could have him, like, when. Like Boris Yeltsin or some guy like that, like Notorious Guys. We go, that guy's an alcoholic. So when he does it. Yeah, we have Foster Brooks do it in English.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Here's what that would sound like. Sorry. A wireless network is like a car. You want to test drive it first? Well, US Cellular is letting you test drive their nationwide 5G coverage, free for 30 days. Just download the Tri Us app from any network and you can head over to US Cellular to enjoy full access to the nationwide network and get a feel for it, see how it works and see how it fits. So kick the tires and test the speeds, because it's a real test drive. Try US Cellular. Free for 30 days. Download the US Cellular Try US app today. US Cellular built for us. Try uscellular.com/, try us. Oh, as Richard Martin just told you, I was laughing's head writer, and I got that title because that's where I did most of my writing.

[Pac Man Jones]

In the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Head.

[Adam Carolla]

In the Hat. It truly was a great experience working for Dicky, Dicky, Dick and Dick and Dick. You could do Yeltsin stuff. It was a great experience working with Dick and Dick, Dick and Gang. You know, it's back. You can pause it. It's back when you make fun alcoholics.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Every single episode of Bewitched, she would always blink herself in, like, downtown, you know, just land in downtown. And there'd always be some drunken bum.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

He'd see her.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He'd look at her. Like, what? Then he'd look at the bottle he was drinking, and he'd dump it out. He'd dump it out and he'd shake his head. I remember.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was his bottom.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember. God. You know, old people can't act at all almost. It's weird. I remember doing a man show bit once, and I had to cast a bunch of old people, and I tried to get a guy to do the bit where I go, you see me, like, blank, you know, you go, what? Like, you take. You're taking a sip of your booze. You see Me land, like, bewitch style. You pull the bottle, you look at it, you shake your head, and you dump it out, right? Like the old joke, you know? And this guy was like, 31 takes. He was like, sip, dump it out, shake his head. And I come. No, no, you.

[Pac Man Jones]

You look.

[Adam Carolla]

You see me. You're surprised. Then you look at the bottle like, what, I gotta knock this off? And then you shake your head, and he's like, look at me. Shake his head at me. What. What do we. Why don't you know this? You're, by the way, you're 70. You grew up with this vaudevillian gag where you looked at the bot, by the way, like you forgot what you were drinking, right? And you look at. And all of a sudden, that's when you become sober.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there was. There's an old lady that. Look up the Ben Show. Old lady Shooting Gun. They had these fake auditions for old ladies and they had them say action lines. Holding a machine gun. And this old lady was so fucking funny. I don't know how long it'll take him to find it, but. Oh, here we go. Nicely done.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. All right, we got this.

[Pac Man Jones]

Morning.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi. So nice to meet you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm Ben's Mike Gibbons.

[Adam Carolla]

My buddy, oh Gibbon is called Gangsta Granny.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's about a tough grandma.

[Adam Carolla]

Very tough talking. This huge corporation takes over the old folks home. You're not taking that crap, so you're getting back at him. There's a lot of attitude, a lot of tough talk. You're a gangster, granny, you're pissed off. And let's do it. Are we ready? All right, in action. Listen up, everyone. Now get your hearing aids out of your pussies and assholes because the gang is coming for us. They're gonna cover this place with their deviled semen and burn it to the ground.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And for what?

[Pac Man Jones]

For a fucking big money business company.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we can all sit here in our own shitty diapers, or we can exercise our Second Amendment rights and get some motherfucking guns.

[Pac Man Jones]

This is funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Loud. That was really good. That was great. All right, action.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Adam Carolla]

Respect the elderly, motherfucker. Perfect. I gotta turn my hearing aid off. Shit's about to get loud.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You motherfuckers.

[Adam Carolla]

Time to move into a home.

[Pac Man Jones]

A funeral home, sucker.

[Adam Carolla]

They're lucky Baldwin didn't audition for this because someone would have got shot. And the last one is, I came here to do two things. Hand out hard candy and blow some motherfucking dicks off. And I'm all out of hard candy. I came here for two things. To suck some hard candy and suck some dicks. What was the line? I came here to do two things. And what are they? Hand out hard candy. Oh, hand out hard candy. And blow some fucking dicks off. And blow some motherfucking dicks off. Cocksucker. How's she out of that? All right, you got the part. It all could have been interpreters for the French prime minister.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Isn't that great?

[Adam Carolla]

That is so funny. Yeah, you can't. We did a man show audition thing once, like for juggies. You can't go wrong with hidden camera auditions.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

You just can't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You feed them something. And the best was in. Borat had people auditioning kids. Their mothers would come in with their children and he goes, and he would say, I want to put this child on a crucifix. And he would be covered in feces. Well, that sounds fine. They would do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Sacha Barrett Cohen playing his, like, weird fashionista guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't Borat.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not Borat, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

The fashionista gay whatever of Sacha Baron called him. All right, the other thing, I was curious because you live in a place.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

By the way, just to go back. Do you know that guy? Ben. The Ben Show? You know who he is now?

[Adam Carolla]

Ben.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ben Hoffman is Wheeler Walker Jr. Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

That'S Wheeler Walker Jr. That's Wheeler Walker Jr. I didn't recognize him. With no beard, no sunglasses, no cowboy hat. That's so funny. I love that guy. He's got some funny songs.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Funny fucking songs.

[Adam Carolla]

You live in a place where there's a lot of cyclists.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And somebody tweeted me out this thing, which is weird. It's weird that cyclists are amongst the angriest people in our nation.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they do this thing where they sort of take over a road. Oh, there's also a good one. There's a, like, tweet I got in there somewhere, which is a couple mini bike guys hitting the side of a range rover at 40 miles an hour, which is awesome. But so they take over the road, which I'm, you know, agnostic about. Ride your bike, hang out with like minded cyclists, that's fine. But you're going 11 miles an hour and I'm going to work. So I'm going around. I go around you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you shouldn't take that as an affront or an attack of any kind. It's. I'm in my car and I'm going to work. You're on your huffy, going nowhere. And I'm just gonna. Don't show this clip yet, but I'm going. I'm just gonna go around you. And then when you go around, you get a lot of fuck you. It's like, first off, where's the vitriol coming from? It's not like we don't know each other. I'm just in my car. By the way, maybe I have a kid who has a cancer or something. I'm driving him in first. First round of chemo or something. You don't know where I'm going, but why? And then there's a clip in there. It's on my list somewhere. Andrew. Which is somebody's like driving and there's a bunch of cars and God, I think we. What they would like you to do is just pull over and drop your pants and spread your legs and lean over the hood so they could take their bike, pump and violate you one after the other. So they would go by you. God forbid you just stay in your car and attempt to go past them or navigate them. It's that way. It was that way with like Black Lives Matter. It's that way with all the eco lines, like taking over the streets and stuff. It's like I'm driving my car somewhere. It does not mean I'm not down with the eco or the black lives. I have a kid, he has a bicycle. I'm happy for him. But I'm going to work. Why do we all have to stop our day for you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They especially get mad when you went. Sometimes the lane gets really narrow. And I like that lane because it's usually pretty freed up. They get so the one all the way on the right. They get so pissed off when you go in that lane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the road was built for you guys to share, but not for you to have dominion over me and respect physics and also. Yeah, respect physics. Okay. I'm in a thing that weighs 6,000 pounds. You have no idea what kind of prescription meds I'm on or beyond. Yeah, I could have found out my wife was cheating with my best friend attorney buddy 10 minutes ago. You have no idea where I'm at. You have no idea how little it might take me just to plunge my right foot down and take 11 of you out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. And what's your best case scenario? You shake your fist and what? I feel bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Your worst case scenario is I swerve and fucking kill you.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, in a world where a lot of folks are surrounding cars and pulling people Out. It's very. Mark Garrigos is a good friend of mine. All I do is go. I fear for my life. I was in my car. Fear for my life. I thought these guys were gonna pull me out of the car and beat me to death. I didn't know, so I just punched it. I panicked.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cyclists.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I panicked and I punched it. And I could run over as many as I wanted and no jury in the land would convict me because I could just go. I was scared. I panicked and I punched it because I thought they were gonna injure me. They're punching the side of the car. I freaked out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I would tell him. It didn't actually happen, I think.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

When the jury shows up, make sure that your lawyer, when they're screening, says, how did you get to the courthouse today?

[Adam Carolla]

Because I'm now scared to drive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, that none of the jurors were showing up on bicycles.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay, good check.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Can I tell you, my daughter the other day goes, what did you do today? And I ride a bike, but not. I don't put on, you know, Lululemons. I put a water bottle in my. My lower back. I just have a fucking mountain bike. And I go down to the beach and I ride it. And she goes, what'd you do today? I go, oh, I rode, like 20 miles on my bike. And she goes, look at you, Louis Armstrong.

[Adam Carolla]

She's 21 years old.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I go, did you mean Lance Armstrong?

[Adam Carolla]

My sister, When I was a kid, I'd like to do a coffee table book of women fucking up adages and sayings. Yeah, when my sister was a kid. I don't know why. I always remember I said something and she said something. And she goes, there used to be a popular one, which is no shit, Sherlock. She goes, no shit, Dick Tracy. Which is always great when someone fucks up in the heat of battle, because the best is when someone's making fun of you. I don't know why. I'm delighted when someone's making fun of you and they fuck themselves up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's the best.

[Adam Carolla]

I was at Poly High School once in the San Fernando Valley. Some dudes, and we're waiting to get onto the football field or something, and some chick and some dudes were arguing through a fence. They were playing softball. And the dudes were like, you guys been on the diamond for, like, two hours. How about you let someone else play? And she's like, we reserve this field until 3:00. And the guy's like, well, it's 2:45, why don't you move it along? And this chick is arguing and the guy's arguing and they're going at each other and he's going, fuck off, bitch, we're coming. And at some point she goes, suck my dick. And everyone, everyone stopped. And then they all started laughing. And I thought, I love when that happened.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

So we have a clip, by the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Way, my mother one time, who's the best, she's from the Bronx and she's got this thick accent and she's got some anger. And me and my brother were upstairs, and my brother and I are 13 months apart. So we went at it our whole lives. And we were upstairs fighting and then she started yelling at us. And my brother was standing at the top of the stairs, she was at the bottom. I was laying down so she couldn't see me above the stairs. And then she, as she's yelling at him, I'm making faces and he starts to laugh and she goes, what are you laughing at, Mr. Snicker Face?

[Adam Carolla]

And then we both fucking fell down.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There was nothing she could do.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the heat of battle when it happens. All right, so I have a clip and someone's trying to drive their car through cyclists, but the cyclists have decided they've taken over. And my sort of thing is like, look, if I'm at a CVS or a Walmart or something and I'm shopping while you and 30 other people are looting the place, I'm just going to try to keep shopping, you know what I mean? You shouldn't be angry at me for nothing, doing what I was doing. The guy in the car is just driving anyway. The person just goes driving. And all the, all the cyclists, you're allowed to play it. All the cyclists seem to seem very upset. But I wonder, like, when did all the anger kick in with the cyclists? Like, when? So they're going the wrong way.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just trying to drive. Driving. I had a green light and they're all weird. And then there's the weird defiant one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Can you just go one way?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna stop and block you. And she's giving her the finger right here, this person. But again, they have a 5,000 pound minivan. Absolutely insane. Listen, like I'm supposed to pull over. All right, you can pause it for a second. Someone starts banging on a car, telling, fuck it. Okay, listen to me. All cyclists out there, the folks, the good people on Bourbon Street a month ago, walking around three in the morning, they're all Dead.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, they're all dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause a guy got a car, it just drove through everybody. It happens. They did on a parade in Wisconsin. There's always tons of dead people because someone used their car as a weapon.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So keep in mind, freaked out housewife, you start banging on the hood of her car, could run you over and kill you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

As you know, I drove a Prius for a long time and I found that guys in big pickup trucks treated me the way you would treat a bicyclist.

[Adam Carolla]

But bicyclist, Interesting.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I was very much like. I remember one time a guy, I merged and he didn't like my merge, so he followed me home. And like an idiot, I actually. And I stopped about a block from my house because I didn't want him to know where I lived. And then. And I go, I go, what? He goes, he goes, you cut me off in your faggoty Prius? If I'd been in a pickup truck, he never would have followed me home and he never would have said that.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I tell you the weirdest? I am obsessed with spontaneous rage based on I don't know what we're doing. I'm driving. I got a Prius, you got a Dodge Ram. I don't know you. Where's like the fly off the handle rage come from? Many, many, many years ago, had one of the craziest. I think you could live a thousand years and this would never happen again to me. I was up at the top of Lake Hollywood and I won't get into all the official particulars, but it was a three way stop sign. It was a stop sign, one road, it made a T. Yeah. And I was driving into the T, into the flat part of the T, and I had a stop sign, stop sign, stop sign. And this guy was coming the other direction. My house with my gate was like right there. So I had to do this maneuver where I kind of swing out and then turn in and I can go through my gate because it was right at the top of Lake Hollywood. And a guy pulls at the stop. And I was like, at the stop. And he thought I was either gonna turn right or turn left and go down the hill, but I wasn't. I had to do this sort of swing out maneuver and go into my gate. And so I looked at the guy and I was like, yeah, go ahead. And he goes, you go ahead. And I'm thinking, well, me going ahead means I gotta pull in front of him and do like a thing. So I'm like, just go ahead. Now he has no idea. Live in this house right in front of me with the gate. And he goes, you go ahead. And I go, just now, by the way, I don't want you knowing where I live now. So I go, just go ahead. And he literally takes his hands off the wheel and he just leans back and puts them behind his head.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Pickup truck.

[Adam Carolla]

Nope. Prius, homo. No, I go, early, man. Prius, homo erectus. So I go, just go ahead, you know, and he goes. He literally, like, takes the keys out, throws them on the dash, goes, I'm not going anywhere, bro. Now, I know. I know because I live there that there's much more traffic coming up from Lake Hollywood and going down to Barham than there is coming from behind me. I'm on weird street. Kimmel lives 10 houses down or whatever, but I'm weird. No one's coming down. No one's gonna pull up behind me. But he's got guys coming from jogging around the lake, and they're coming. So he takes the keys out. He, like, leans back, and I go, okay. So I just. Now I really don't want the guy know where I live. So I just sit there. But I know someone's coming. And of course, a car pulls up behind him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's sitting there giving me the fuck you. I got all day. And there's a guy honking now behind him, going, what the fuck is going on? Go. And he's like. He's like looking at the guy behind him. He's, like looking at me, and I'm like, go ahead. Guys honking behind. There's two cars behind, like, honking now. There's no one behind me. He, like, puts his keys back in. He fires it up, and he goes by, and he's like, fuck you. And I'm like, wow, that's a lot.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All I'm trying to do is pull into my gate, but you don't know what I'm doing. But either way, we just got here at the same time. And I was like, go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it started with an effort to be kind on his part. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's. Yeah, it started. I've said many times, look, don't do the limp wristed noodle wave. Where you go, you go, you go. Because all that gets you is. No, you go. No, go point.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep. Yeah, go.

[Adam Carolla]

Traffic cop.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Feel like a traffic cop.

[Pac Man Jones]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you go. And people just take off, right? You go, you wave, you flap, and they come back, they start flapping back at you. I don't know what's going on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Also, don't be condescending. Where the hand goes straight out and then the fingers slick, because that's very. That's minimizing you.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that would happen to me in my Prius now that I got a Mustang.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah. Yeah. Bell of the ball.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Jesus Christ. People back up.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They make room now. You probably finally bought yourself some integrity, Fitz dog.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's right. I didn't realize it just took money.

[Adam Carolla]

And all it takes is money.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why they invented the Rolex.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I am so much happier in my life with this Mustang. I can't even tell. I never thought I was a big car guy, but I was always obsessed with Mustangs, you know, Turned my head every time I saw him. It was like a hot chick. Every time I saw a Mustang since I was 14 years old, but I was always like, hey, you know, I got kids. I'll just.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a breakthrough for you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It really is.

[Adam Carolla]

But the Mustang is symbolic of you, taking care of you, I think. So it's symbolism more than it is, you know, a monthly payment or, you know, displacement or horsepower or anything. It's a symbolic gesture.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I had a girl check me out today. She was a. It was a surfer bleach, blonde hair, in a pickup truck. How often do you see a chick in a pickup truck?

[Adam Carolla]

That's. That's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's two thumbs up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then she just looked at me longer than somebody would normally look at me. And I thought to myself, part of that was the Mustang.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Is it all right now? Where are you with your chick self? I had a hot blonde say something to me a couple days ago, and I realized there's something wrong with my wiring because I was at the King's celebrity Hockey. Raised money for the Heroes event on last Sunday, and I just opened the door from the Rolex suite or wherever I was staying at the Lexus Suite or whatever. The give you a wristband till you can come here and eat sushi. And I just, like, flung the door open, and Erin Andrews, the sideline reporter, the hot blonde sideline reporter, was just standing in the door. And I was like. I recognized her, and she was like. But she was standing in the door, and I go, oh, thanks. And she goes, oh, my God, Adam, I'm such a huge fan of yours. I love you so much. I love you so much. And. And she goes, I wish I could come talk how you talk on your show, but I work for a Network, But I'm such a major fan. And I said, oh, okay, yeah, thanks. And she was like, going in. I was heading out. But I was like, thank you very much. And she was like, now if you'd asked me at any point before that moment, if she said Erin Andrews, I'd go, she doesn't know who I am. And then I'd go. Then they'd go, oh, no, Erin Andrews knows who you are. And I'd be, oh, she thinks I'm a douchebag. I get it. And that would be it. That was my only two. There would not be a third one where she's seen your stuff and she's a fan. That wouldn't even been. It would have been, A doesn't know. B does know, thinks you're an asshole. Yes, that would be the only. It's two boxes, you gotta check one. That's all I would have. I wouldn't even dream of a third box. Where she loved me and was a huge fan there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I work at a Gold Gym in Venice because I like to be the smallest person in the room.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And there's a girl, and I've been going there for years, and there's a woman there who's, you know, younger than me and good looking. Not beautiful, but good looking. And every time I'm there, she looks at me. And then I started to get a complex that she's looking at me because I'm looking at her. But then I realize, and I never for a second think she's checking me out. I only think she thinks I'm a creep that's looking at her.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's probably true, but here's the question, here's the question for you, because you do like the psychological stuff. I always had this theory that your vision of yourself in the eyes of the opposite sex gets kind of cemented in like the seventh and eighth grade.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, that sounds right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I knew guys, women loved them for no good reason, but they knew it. And they just carried that momentum straight through life. And then there were guys like me who my parents didn't like me, my mom didn't like me. So I was like, well, if your mom doesn't like you, what are the chances Sally Ann likes you? You know, your own mom doesn't like you. I remember clearly having that thought. So I just wouldn't entertain the notion that somebody in the ninth grade liked me. And then I just kind of carried that through life because it just. That's who I was. Sort of like something you pick up and that's just who you are. Like your cursive writing or something. That's just how you pick your baseline. Yeah, that's your baseline. Like, you know Erin Andrews. Yeah, what about her? Good looking. Yeah. Blonde? Yeah. Popular? Uh huh. Well, she hates me. Of course. She wouldn't like me. Why would she like me? But that's just from the eighth grade. It has nothing to do with any modern anything. But I realized you just. By the way, there's a positive version of. There's fat bald guys who make $36,000 a year. They're like, ladies, I'm home. You know what I mean?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's short guys. I see short guys that have that. Like a Persian short guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And he walks in the room and he doesn't think twice about. And all of a sudden he's walking out with her. It's just all. I mean, he was told by his mother.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He had beautiful olive skin.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that he was gonna be a billionaire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

When I was in eighth grade, my friends, we started dating and there was like a clique of boys and it was a clique of girls. And everybody started kind of pairing up. You know, my friend Kyle asked out Anita in eighth grade. They're married to this day.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is that fucking crazy?

[Adam Carolla]

And then good old time name, she's the best.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so. And then I. I was the last guy. And there was one girl left and her name was Charlotte Bourne. And she was adorable. She had like white blonde hair and just, you know, nice girl, kind of, you know, whatever, average personality. But I was like, all right, I like her. And I started to kind of have a crush on her. So we were at this lake, we used to all skate at this lake in Tarrytown. And at night they had floodlights and they had a little shack you could change your skates in. And they had speakers and they played top 40 radio. And we'd go there at night and that was our social life. It was the greatest. We'd stick a case of beer in the snow bank and then we'd have a few beers and talk to the girl. So I go up to Charlotte, everybody's there. And then my friends know I'm gonna ask her out. And all of a sudden everybody disappears. We go from 20 people to just me and Charlotte standing there. And I said, charlotte, would you go out with me? And she doesn't even hesitate. She goes, no. And now we're just standing there and like, we didn't even know where everybody went. And I'm Just standing there in that pile of rejection.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so I told this story on my podcast about a year ago. And then I got DMED from Charlotte Bourne, who said, I heard what you said about me. I'm so flattered. I can't believe I didn't say yes to you. And then we started to kind of DM back and forth and it got a little flirty and I was like, this is 45 years later and I'm married, but this is my shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Kyle's still married to Anita.

[Adam Carolla]

I would tell your wife you were grandfathered in. Yeah, explain to her. Listen, woman. When they made mandatory in the NHL for hockey players to wear helmets in like 1980, you still saw a lot of guys without the helmet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Why David Johnson?

[Adam Carolla]

They were in the league before they made the rule. So they were grandfathered in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's kind of what's going on with Charlotte over here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I feel like that's true with masturbation. Some of my go to memories are a couple girls, I won't mention their names from high school, field hockey players, short skirts, Stairway, do the math. And they were my go tos. And I'm not gonna lie to you, there are times I go back to that and then I think, oh my God, she's 15. But then I think, if I were to pick up a yearbook today and pick a 15 year old, that's maybe a felony. But I can think about that girl because I was 15 when I first started.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you are 15 with gray pubes, but 15 with man tits and gray pubes. But you are 15 when you rub one out of that 15 year old.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And instead of taking 40 seconds, it's 40 minutes. But it's the same, I'm the same guy.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, this would be my argument if I ever get busted and catch a predator.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But they go, you were having a conversation with a 13 year old girl. I said, my 23 year old cop who was playing a 13 year old girl. Well, she was 13. Was she? Can we see some ID?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I see you're 23 years old.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So was I talking to a 13 year old who wasn't 13? You thought, you, you don't know what I thought. I have a fantasy about 23 year old cops playing 13.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. And also the old like member Barney Miller, they would always say Wojawski, Wojahowitz. Wojahowitz would always have to dress up as a woman and go into Central Park.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I was like, well, if a guy pulls his cock out in front of her. That's a guy. It's Central Park. You can pull your cock out in front of a guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Agreed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wojo Ho Witz.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Remember he ate pot brownies by accident.

[Adam Carolla]

That time in the episode of Barney Miller. I don't remember every episode. I remember the characters names and I remember and I have no idea if his first name was Wojo and his last name was Hoitz.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, it was Officer Wojahowitz. And the greatest thing about that show is so well written. They never left that one fucking room. It was just the bullpen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, yep. And the inspectors and all the characters. It was Archie Bunker's living room. Never one upstairs made it into the kitchen like twice in seven seasons. All right, let me give a plug to Fitz Dog, by the way, because we got some news and Pac Man Jones joining us coming up as well. You know me, very funny stand up special and it's free on YouTube. So what's the fuss, people? Live dates all over the place. Boston coming back like MacArthur returning to the Philippines April 4th and 5th. That's it. Laugh Boston. And you should go to GregFitsimmons.com for dates.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, that's the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Fitzdog.com Go there, watch a pro in his office. We'll take a quick break. Back some news right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting in 2025. Whether you're a seasoned fan or a first time better, Betonline is your ultimate game day companion with the largest selection of odds on everything from NBA college basketball, exclusive in game, live betting, Betonline is your ultimate game day companion. And if you like the NHL, you like a little hockey or the UFC, if that's your thing, BetOnline is your number one sports betting source. From every three pointer to every hat trick, BetOnline has you covered with the odds, stats and more. For every single game, every play and every win, it is BetOnline. The game starts here. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location, it's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home and when I say in depth, I'm talking about deep. That's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. homes.com. We've done your homework. Morgan and Morgan. Well, there's a reason why my opinions hit like a heavyweight punch. No fluff, no fill. Just the truth. And that's why there's Morgan and Morgan. America's largest injury law firm. For over 35 years, Morgan and Morgan has been fighting for the people, just like you and I. They have over 100 offices with more than a thousand lawyers nationwide. If you're injured by the negligence of another, you deserve to be paid. That's where Morgan and Morgan comes in. When you hire the wrong law firm, well, you may be beat before you even start the fight. All law firms are not the same. And that's why I love Morgan and Morgan. Am I right, Dawson? If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com Adam or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's f o r the people.com Adam or pound law pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Hey, Ace.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Todd out here in Maryland.

[Adam Carolla]

Just want to let you know I just ate some yogurt off the floor in a high school.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Pac Man Jones is here. Adam. Pac Man Jones. Good to see you.

[Pac Man Jones]

How you doing, man? How y'all doing?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing good now. Now, Pac Man, NFL player for 13 years, some Pro Bowls. Selected six overall by Tennessee Titans. Five a shutdown corner all pro selection2014, Pro bowl selection 2015. I would cornerback in the NFL's, you know, sort of point guard in the NBA. Probably amongst the most athletic kind of positions in sports.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, I would kind of agree with you. Besides the quarterback position, the cornerback is to me, the hardest job on the field. Of course the quarterback, because the quarterback get the scrutiny if we win or lose. If you ain't got a good quarterback, you ain't got a good team. But if you ain't got good corners, you definitely ain't got a good team. There's some quarterbacks that can play in systems and you can kind of shell them if you got a good defense. But I truly feel that the cornerback part of the NFL game is by far the hardest part. And it's gotta, it's almost like going to war. You know, you got to be like, you got to forget what happened yesterday or what happened the last play and worry about what's going on the next play. Because you ain't gonna win every match. But the goal is to win every match. But like, if you get caught up in what happened, somebody catching a slant and maybe you missed the tackle, he take it 20 yards to safety, tackle him, you back in the game, you make two plays on second down and third down, then it's a whole different thing. So I think the cornerback job is by far the second hardest job besides the quarterback job.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The unsung hero, kinda.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How important was like the room, the film room, because you played the game with such like, with eyes.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, it's very important. Just think about you on the island by yourself, like, and 90% of the time, like, especially if you got a good running back, like you're gonna be out there by, I mean, if the other team have a good running back, you're gonna be out there by yourself. We'll use the Philadelphia Eagles, for example. Kansas City paid them nine in the blocks the whole game. And when I'm saying nine in the box, that means these out here are man on man. Like mono. Mono. Mono. Tight end mono with his linebacker. Like. And the reason why they have to do that, because if you don't, Saquon Barkley probably would have had 150 yards. And they shut him down most of the time.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. It was interesting at the beginning of the game.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, the third down was a big part of the game though. Like if they make that third down, it's a whole different game.

[Adam Carolla]

Who did you hate going against from a receiver standpoint?

[Pac Man Jones]

Antonio Brown was a bitch to go against Terrell Owens.

[Adam Carolla]

Terrell's so big, like so athletic.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah. And I caught Randy Moss like at the end of his career, but God damn. Like Randy, it was, it was nobody like Randy Moss.

[Adam Carolla]

In what sense? That he could just go out and get it.

[Pac Man Jones]

Like, it wasn't that he can do. He can fucking run. 4, 3 and like his hundred yard with him being 6, 7, you know what I mean? It was so much easier for him to step away from us. Like, I never forget This I played him my rookie year and in Nashville. And I came to after the first series of plays. We went three and out, but he kind of got me off the line. And it should have been the touchdown, but they ain't throw it to him. I went to the sideline and told Fisher, like, yo, Jeff, whatever we do, wherever he's at, we need to have somebody open. Like, he's not a guy that we can go ahead and guard one on one. And I was the number six overall pick, and I've never said that about anybody. Like, that's the only person I probably went to the sideline and asked help for.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, he was such a. He had such a build that he didn't really look like he was trying. So his highlights are great, but his highlights just look like he's playing with kids. It doesn't really even look like a highlight. Like he's doing that much. He just go up. He doesn't look when he runs, he doesn't look like he's trying that hard.

[Pac Man Jones]

And I hate to say this because everybody like, damn, you don't be saying certain people name. All right, let me put up. Megatron is. Is in that category, too. I didn't get to play against Megatron, but one time, and the time we played against him, I was on the backside, man to man, and they clouded his side the whole game. Julio. Julio is definitely in that top conversation also. DeAndre Hopkins, I will put in that conversation. That would probably be mine off the top of my head. But, like, those guys was. They was elite.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you notice when you went to the pro game? So I played a lot of football, but not at your level. But I remember once playing some rock and jock, MTV football, whatever, and Dan Marino was the quarterback. I think he played for both teams. He went back and forth. Right. And like, I thought I was covering a guy. I really did. I mean, the guy. We're about 25, 30 yards down the field, and I was kind of shading him, and I was like, okay, that ball comes to him. I'm slip in. And Dan just throws like a baseball.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's just pop.

[Adam Carolla]

He just throws. The ball's there. And I'm like, oh, he's got a rocket for an arm. And you can't defend. You think you can close the window? You can't close because these guys have such great arms. And it happens so fast. In high school, you could have got there. Yeah, not with Dan Marino.

[Pac Man Jones]

College, you might could have got maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

College, but in the pros with those Guys with those cannon arms, you got to be there. Right there, right?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah. And like you can tell the difference. You know, college, you can, you can miss, you can pat that ball a little bit. But the speed in the NFL is so much different. Like you can't throw the ball behind them. That's a pick every time in the NFL. And, and you see it times in time out where you be like, oh, this guy's a great quarterback. Tim Tebow, I use him as an example. I love Tebow as a person, as a quarterback. Balls are late, can't do it, don't match up. Russell, jamarcus Russell, jamarcus Russell. Don't add up. Balls are like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you should. I mean you could tell immediately more so playing corner than you probably could playing receiver or even playing coach if you're out there.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh yeah. Like once you go watching film, like, the film don't lie. The film don't lie. It tell you what throws the quarterback can make. Like for instance, Aaron Rodgers had a okay year this year, but Aaron Rodgers fucking arm strength is better than not. Not showing no shame. I ain't throwing. No, it's a lot of great.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, yeah, yeah, everyone's look, anyone's in the NFL's great. So.

[Pac Man Jones]

No, not everybody in the NFL. All right, let's not say that. I'm not agreeing with it. It's a lot of bums in the NFL.

[Adam Carolla]

But his arm is better than, his.

[Pac Man Jones]

Arm is better than a lot of guys. And I, I don't want to throw nobody out just there because I ain't, I ain't my. I ain't trying to throw him up on the bus.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But like give us some clips.

[Pac Man Jones]

I'm saying Jalen Daniel was the best quarterback this year as a rookie. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

His arm is not better than Aaron Rogers as far as pure throwing the ball. He might be a better all around quarterback right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

But if you put him and Aaron Rodgers in a, I don't know, a dark contest with throwing the ball, hitting this spot, Aaron Rodgers is going to win.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

Not just one time. I'm talking about out of five times. He probably went far.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But that's gifted. And some of that, it's just sort of kind of weird athleticism, you know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And developed though, I would argue.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, no, it's all the above. But I mean, it's hard. The thing about Aaron Rodgers is when he passes, he makes it look effortless. And all the guys, whether it's boxing.

[Pac Man Jones]

Or man, I played against Aaron Rodgers. Let Me tell you something. I don't know what the hell you talking about. I played against Aaron Rodgers.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

Aaron Rodgers, by far, have been the best quarterback as far as throwing the ball.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

In the last decade. And you can put all them down there with them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Really.

[Pac Man Jones]

Whatever name you. What? Name a name.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Tom Brady.

[Pac Man Jones]

Not better than Aaron Rodgers. Name another name.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll say.

[Pac Man Jones]

Not better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Mahomes.

[Pac Man Jones]

Not better.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna say, oh, on the Bills, not.

[Pac Man Jones]

Hell, no. Not better.

[Adam Carolla]

That dude's big. No, no, I don't think anyone's there. I've seen. I've seen enough, man. I've seen Aaron Rodgers flicks the ball. Yeah. And that's how you know he's got the great motion.

[Pac Man Jones]

See, y'all missed one thing. Y'all should have said the right name. Y'all didn't even see it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hurts.

[Pac Man Jones]

Hell, no. Nah, nah, nah, Keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

We got my homes. We got hurts. Well, we can just go back to playoffs. We got.

[Pac Man Jones]

What are y'all smoking here? Can I ask y'all, are y'all smoking or drinking?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Joe goddamn. Burrow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hell.

[Adam Carolla]

Burrow. Burrow.

[Pac Man Jones]

What are you talking about, bro?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sorry, bud.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh. We're done with this show right now. Jesus Christ.

[Adam Carolla]

He got the frosted tips. He bought the Batmobile, and he confused me for a minute. He bought a $3 million Batmobile and he got his tips frosted, and I got confused. But I forget, that guy's. That guy can throw.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, don't forget about that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I shall not.

[Pac Man Jones]

Now, when you talking about darts and a guy that's coming off a real, like, injury, like, none of these quarterbacks have came off a risk injury. And all of us, 90% of the guys that's played football, that's watched guys come back from these injuries, we all like, oh, no, that fling ain't gonna be there no more. Me, me. To me. That's just my opinion. And I'm not being biased just because he's one of my guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

Patrick Mahone can throw the ball, too, which I'm not disagreeing with. Like, but those are the three that really can, like, sling it. I'm talking about on the dot. Pim. Pimp. Pimp. Like, them three right there. Those are the three. I mean, if you only want to put Aaron Rodgers in there, but, like, if you want to compare somebody to Aaron Rodgers, it could be only those two. Right Now.

[Adam Carolla]

You did some boxing for a while. Yeah, Right. I think I turned on TMZ and saw you doing some Boxing in an airport in Atlanta as well. And I don't know if you saw.

[Pac Man Jones]

That, but I was protecting Shaq, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know what the story was, but I thought it was peculiar that you were fighting with a guy who worked at the airport.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a guy who was drunk at the airport bar, but, like, an employee. Did you ever see this? I. I saw it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I recall this story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So what. What happened? And had you had your training then?

[Pac Man Jones]

I had no training because the punches.

[Adam Carolla]

Were a little wild back then.

[Pac Man Jones]

I'm not gonna lie to you. Like, we was. I was so wasted right then. Well, I really wasn't wasting. I was hungover. We was coming.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's even worse.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah. It was my wife's birthday.

[Adam Carolla]

So what was this story?

[Pac Man Jones]

He was coming from Bahamas, and the Bahamas, the story from Shaq. I was walking through there. The dude was talking to Shaq.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so were you with Shaq, or did he just talk? You were traveling back with Shaq?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why are you defending Shaq's honor? I feel like he's got a good job.

[Pac Man Jones]

That's my job, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I hear you, Shaq. Phil could handle himself, couldn't he?

[Pac Man Jones]

But anyway, Make a long. I mean, anyway. Make any ma. I mean, make that shirt right there. Right here on the show. Anyway. But anyway. Yeah, like, he was tripping. I'm like, bro, chill out. I'm just trying to eat my Popeyes.

[Adam Carolla]

And he worked at the airport.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And why was he tripping on Shaq? I don't know, man, but he wasn't a fan of Shaq.

[Pac Man Jones]

Wasn't a fan. Ended up getting knocked out. Broke his leg. The employee, they tried to get us to go to court. We didn't go to court. Like, they wanted us to go to court on the dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. You blew that guy's ac.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh, I went back, though. It wasn't. It wasn't over with, like, after I couldn't eat my chicken.

[Adam Carolla]

And where. Now Shaq's hiding somewhere because he has 25 sponsorship deals. He doesn't need footage of him fighting in the airport with Pac Man.

[Pac Man Jones]

Right. You know what I'm saying? So I had to handle my business.

[Adam Carolla]

So this guy works at the Atlanta airport, starts talking shit about Shaq, and you defend Shaq's honor.

[Pac Man Jones]

Can't make this shit up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The hoopa, the hyper. Protected by Viper and Pac Man.

[Pac Man Jones]

Did you see. Hold on. Did you see the other fight that had happened in Atlanta airport?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're talking recently.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We watch a Spirit Airlines.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

How in the fuck did all them people get there, bro? Like, did they. Oh, we gonna meet at Spirit. Everybody buy one cheap ass ticket. We gonna fight at the airport.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the person that just sort of impromptu, like I was going to go over, I was gonna get a burrito from. But as long as we're fighting, I'll get up here. The person I like, the chick who just stands up and starts punching people pants.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Alone, she wins the fight.

[Pac Man Jones]

Ah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

With the left kick, there's like 40 of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, the thing that's funny is if you stop it, you go back, they show the poster. And the poster, so is the people the company would like you to think fly this airline. These are the people flying this airline. It's a nice white couple on the beach having a very enjoyable time. It's not black folk beat the shit out of each other at the terminal.

[Pac Man Jones]

All y'all that's in this goddamn picture fight. Y'all contact me. I want to have a rumble with y'all. BetOnline AG. We gonna pay y'all too, since y'all want to fight. Yeah, y'all might need a little bail money, so I want to host the rumble. I don't know what was going on. We can't call it southwest a spear outline fight, but we'll figure out what the hell we're gonna call it. And we should do it all on the Pac man Jones show, not promote violence. But if you're gonna fight, we might well make it sanctuary.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, they had bum fights a while back. Yeah, yeah, that was fine. Then they had celebrity boxing. I was. Got recruited to do that. Now we have airport brawl, man.

[Pac Man Jones]

No way. Y'all last fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got. I used to teach boxing, so I. I have.

[Pac Man Jones]

I know, but you don't ain't getting no ring.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, not now. But what we do is you take a ring, but you make it look like an airport terminal. For sure. You hire like actual. To stand behind the counter, put like the.

[Pac Man Jones]

The. The mat on the chairs. Put the mat on the chair so it cover us, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

I think we on to something.

[Adam Carolla]

You and you take all the people who fight in airports and you recruit them to come and find out who's the king of the airport of the term.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, we want breakaway glass everything. This is going to be a big production, I believe.

[Pac Man Jones]

Hold on. Are we doing one on one?

[Adam Carolla]

Four on four?

[Pac Man Jones]

Are we doing a brawl?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All of the ab.

[Adam Carolla]

It always starts one on one, and then others start. Start entering.

[Pac Man Jones]

Can we send both of them a dollar right now on cash app or Instagram. So nobody steal our idea.

[Adam Carolla]

And they cannot tape their hands or wear gloves or fighter's trunks. They got to be slippers and yoga pants. They got to show up like they're at the airport.

[Pac Man Jones]

If we want a summer or winter. Yeah, we start off winter. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

So you go to the Bahamas with Shaq.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not relaxed enough.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're not. But are you getting on Whose yacht? Who always gets a good yacht? Oh, is it magic? Magic. It's the good yacht.

[Pac Man Jones]

Never been on a magic yacht.

[Adam Carolla]

Never been on a magic yacht.

[Pac Man Jones]

I have been on a George Jones yacht. I have been on a Nevin Shapiro yacht. Oh, and I have been on my own yacht. But, like, no, I never been on a magic guy. So we had a chance to do.

[Adam Carolla]

That yet Shaq, who I like, I haven't talked to him in a while, but used to come on Loveline and stuff back in the day, is walking through the airport and you're defending his honor because some guys.

[Pac Man Jones]

We talked about this actually on Pat.

[Adam Carolla]

McAfee too, but you then after that, you trained in boxing.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you would have had a jab and followed it up with a hook. Probably.

[Pac Man Jones]

Actually, like, when I decided to do that, that was the first time I was in shape. Like, I was ready to go. I actually thought I won the first fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Psoriatic arthritis symptoms can be unpredictable.

[Pac Man Jones]

I had joint pain and I couldn't move like I used to. I needed relief.

[Adam Carolla]

I got Cosentyx.

[Pac Man Jones]

It helped me move better.

[Adam Carolla]

Cosentyx Secukinumab is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or plan to.

[Adam Carolla]

Or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Or worsen, serious allergic reactions and severe.

[Adam Carolla]

Eczema, like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentyx or cosentyx.com.

[Pac Man Jones]

Ask your rheumatologist about Cosentyx.

[Adam Carolla]

In an amateur. Amateur. You had an amateur fight or professional fight?

[Pac Man Jones]

I'm just saying, when I did Ruff and Rowdy, when I fought the champion of Ruff and Rowdy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Pac Man Jones]

He was a little bit bigger Than me. But I still took the fight. I was like 170, he was like 180. He probably was 205 when the fight started. Second flight, I shouldn't have took. I wasn't in shape, but I was like, fuck it. I should have whooped his ass the second time. And I. And that's why I respect boxers.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd you play at? What weight were you at when you played corner?

[Pac Man Jones]

180. I've never been, like, over 182. Like right now I walk around at like 177.

[Adam Carolla]

And you returned punts at West Virginia, right? And kickoffs, yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

Punt return man of the year, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah. That's only fair. Caught the ball, what, 11 times in the league? Maybe 12, something like that. I don't know what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Out of how many seasons did you.

[Pac Man Jones]

Well, I really played. 14 season. Well, no. How many pair catches I got? Can you tell me?

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, I don't even know I was talking about West Virginia, but.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh, three. One, two, three. I told him the first day I was there, hey, buddy, I'm out of here in fucking 3. Get everything you can get out of me. And fruit. Uno doors, thirst.

[Adam Carolla]

You are a blue chip recruit. Where'd you come out of?

[Pac Man Jones]

What is a blue chip to you?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I got called a blue chip recruitment.

[Pac Man Jones]

I don't know. I wanna fuck my blue chip. I was the best kid in my hood.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

Like, out of my whole area. Like, I won.

[Adam Carolla]

Where was your area?

[Pac Man Jones]

West side, Bankhead. Atlanta, Georgia. Camelton Road, Southwest Atlanta. I went to Westlake High School. Me, Cam, Sean Jones, Karen Fox.

[Adam Carolla]

You must have played basketball, too.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh, yeah, I was a dog. That was my first love. I had a lot of offers. I actually won two championships and was player of the year in basketball and didn't do well. I did. I was first team all. All American and all that in football. But, like, basketball, I won championships in. And like, I could have won three. I fouled out my junior year. I smacked the flow. I had three fouls and then they ticked me. We was up 15 points. We ended up losing that game, but I ended up getting two. Two national basketball championships. And my coach, he, like, fucked up my dreams because I was all on the. AI Shit, had the braids, you know. He was like, hey, you fucking idiot. There's only gonna be one more. Allen Iverson, you fucking. Five, nine. You run fucking four, two. You better take your ass and play football.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Wow. Yeah, I'm happy he had that talk.

[Pac Man Jones]

To me though, I'm glad he did too.

[Adam Carolla]

But Iverson was a standout high school football player too, right?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah. But AI, like 6ft, though, you know what I mean? Like, I did have all the ball skills, but I wouldn't. I ain't gonna sit here and say I was AI, because I wasn't. But I was polished. And if I would have took it to the next level, I think I could have had a chance to be AI. But I think I made the right decision, bro. I was the first defensive player picked in my draft, played all these years. Nobody did the shit that I did on offense. I mean, as a defensive player, playing both ways, getting 15 plays in the game and going back and catching punts and kickoffs. Like nobody did that. Like, I don't know who the last player that you could say was dominant as far as playing corner, guarding the best player, going back every plate, catching the punt and having the high highs average per yard and going, doing kick returns and every now and then getting the ball on offense. Like people can say what they want because of my story, but like the reason why I got all these chances, because they work. I've never had a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe remember Jason Seehorn? That guy was a corner and they had him returning punts and then he got injured during the year.

[Pac Man Jones]

Don't you ever compare Jason fucking Seahorn? No. What the fuck?

[Adam Carolla]

I just found the one white guy, bro.

[Pac Man Jones]

Don't ever fucking do that, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

In the NFL. Yeah, but he married a hot chick.

[Pac Man Jones]

Adam too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, now been demoted. Adam too.

[Pac Man Jones]

He's definitely Adam too now.

[Adam Carolla]

Jason Seor was very nice looking, married a very good looking woman.

[Pac Man Jones]

Are you trying to Compare him to 24 or 32 or not? Please tell me, Pull up the film and show me one example that he look like me.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh man, don't do me like that. Do not do me.

[Adam Carolla]

Not Jason se.

[Pac Man Jones]

Don't do me like that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was.

[Pac Man Jones]

He was a good player.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good player.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, good player. Not taking nothing against him.

[Adam Carolla]

Not like you.

[Pac Man Jones]

But like you're coaching.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're coaching the guys now. Is that what I hear?

[Pac Man Jones]

Nah, hell no, I ain't coaching.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh no, I thought you were important. Some of this wisdom into the next generation.

[Pac Man Jones]

No, no, no, no, bro. Like I'm an entertainer. I like talking shit. I got my own show, the Pac Man Jones Show. Shout out my team at BET Online. And like the reason why I teamed up with BET Online, because I like to look at baseball, football, basketball, trump hockey, psl, ppl, who dating who, what color hat you might wear on and on BET Online. I can bet on all that. So that's why I teamed up with BET Online. And like, I enjoy, man, somebody asking me, like, why you say that? What did you mean by it? And certain things I say for different reasons for to throw shit out there and then sometimes I'll be dead ass for real. But like, it's a joy. It gave me. A joy to make people wonder what the fuck I'm thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the podcast politely Raw with Pac Man Jones, you should know. Yeah. So you're like a provocateur, as they.

[Pac Man Jones]

That's what you want to call it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, that's what Seehorn would say, but. But you did wear your MAGA hat to the Sports Illustrated red carpet.

[Pac Man Jones]

They ain't like that, did they?

[Adam Carolla]

I guess not. Now, is that to agitate or is that cause you like Trump or both?

[Pac Man Jones]

Definitely not to agitate.

[Adam Carolla]

So there, cuz you like Trump?

[Pac Man Jones]

I like Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

I like Trump too.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah. Like, I wouldn't wear a hat just so somebody can post it. And I know what I'm doing. And a lot of my friends, like, I don't got a lot of shit. One dude like, DM me like, yo, so you a white supremacist, huh? I'm like, yo, what the fuck are you talking about, bro? And so I got so upset and like, I shouldn't do this. I'm like, here, here's my number. Call me. So he called me like, yo, man, I'm trying to explain to you, man, like, you know, I said, look, bro, first of all, your opinion is your opinion. Don't come on my line, ask me about my opinion. And a chance when I've had a chance to meet a. You get what I'm saying? So it's different when you've had a chance to talk to a person, been around a person, and then what everybody else put out there. Because I've been in the situation where I've had every media company in the world, bro. I ain't watch no TV for damn near a whole year. Because they had a chance to paint the picture the way they wanted to paint it. Because we didn't have all this. We didn't have no say. So we have no. No camera phones. We have an outlet where we can go, right, get online and talk about, hey, yo, man, look, this ain't really what happened at the Script Club. They lying like a. We have that. We didn't. And now, like, some people don't Realize, like, if you, if, if you don't know, you don't know. But, like. And I don't want to call out certain outlets, but y'all know what the. I'm saying these certain outlets make certain look the way they want it to look. With that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. That's all they do.

[Pac Man Jones]

We'll talk about it all. My point is, like, But I'm voting for who the fuck I want to vote for.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Pac Man Jones]

You know what I mean? Do I agree with every last thing? No, I don't. Do I agree with 90% of it? Yes, I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what is the. I don't get it. With certain portions of black community, they think that Trump is supposed to do this or do that or they think Biden is supposed to do this or do that. They're not going to do anything one way or the other. It'll be up to you.

[Pac Man Jones]

Man, I've been in the hood my whole life. I've never had a president do anything for me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Pac Man Jones]

I grew up in the slums and, like, I'm talking about the slums of the slums. Like, ain't no Kiki haha about it. Like, I'm talking about. It was horrible. When you look back at it now, it damn look like Vietnam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like a war zone.

[Pac Man Jones]

And we done went through all these presidents, and the only thing they done took care of, his Medicaid. Trump still got Medicaid.

[Adam Carolla]

No, the thing that pissed off people the Most was about eight or 10 years ago, or maybe six, seven years ago, Trump just said to the black community, what do you got to lose? And everyone went, what? You can't say that. He's like, why can't I say it? What do you got to lose? Black community? How are these people been helping you so far? And you can't do any worse than them, so what do you got to lose? And everyone went nuts when he said that, but I agreed. What do you got to lose?

[Pac Man Jones]

He could have said it a better way, which I will say that, but at the end of the day, what he said was a way that I would say, well, better not say that on here. Say it. But no, I'm not gonna say that. No, I'm gonna say it. But it's true. Well, I'm saying it's true. It's just ways to say it.

[Adam Carolla]

How is it being in the black community and being for Trump, like, if.

[Pac Man Jones]

You know, how has it been in the white fucking community and being for Trump, what The fuck is the difference?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there's a difference.

[Pac Man Jones]

No, it ain't, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.

[Pac Man Jones]

The only thing I get more shit. You're right. You're definitely right about that Black. Me wearing a Trump hat. Yes, you're right. Like, I probably got 7,000 DMs after.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Yeah, you would get more than a white guy, though. But that's good. I agree.

[Pac Man Jones]

So, like. So it ain't no different for me. Because I'm telling. If you like it or not. I'm telling you this right here, like, off. Because I got my own opinion. Yeah. And I can't go around. I would never. I ain't do it back then. I ain't about to start doing it, and I ain't doing it now. Like, I live and do off the respect of me. First and foremost, of what's gonna benefit me, everybody else. Me. Because if I can't benefit myself, I can't help everybody else. Secondly, goes my wife and my kids. Besides that, bro. Don't mix me with that. And I had to tell my. I said, bro, we all got the same chance. You got a chance to get your ass up and work. And right now in America, bro, if. If you ain't making no money, bro, shame on you, bro. Yeah, like you could. You could do fucking anything. Now they got these mother. They paying these motherfuckers everything to do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, every time I get on the freeway, I get behind a big rig and there's a sign on it going, hiring drivers, 50 bucks an hour. And I'm like, where were these jobs when I came out of high school? Everyone is hiring. There's something. You can do anything you want. Now, there is no excuse.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, I never would have worked a job out of high school. But on the. Understand what you said.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you got recruited.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You were blue chip recruit.

[Pac Man Jones]

Smell me.

[Adam Carolla]

Put some respect on to go to West Virginia.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I heard you worked at Crystal Burger.

[Pac Man Jones]

You're right. I had one job. I did. I had one job at Crystals. I lasted probably three days.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was living in Atlanta back then.

[Pac Man Jones]

I gave away everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I couldn't imagine.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hamburger.

[Adam Carolla]

You would be the worst employee ever.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, listen here. So I'm fucking. I'm there, right? I'm like, man, what the fuck am I doing here?

[Adam Carolla]

How old are you at this point?

[Pac Man Jones]

The summer, my ninth grade year. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here? I'm all right. I'm gonna go. Give me a little summer job and Then go to practice. So the first day we go there, you know, it's cool. The first day you learn the shit, you learn how to flip the burgers. Boom. You putting the pots and shit on there, boom. I'm like, all right, cool. You want a ten piece? Oh, this feel pretty good, you know? I mean, go home, like, God damn. Go back the next day on the same. Yeah, I'm looking around like, what the am I doing here?

[Adam Carolla]

I worked at McDonald's, so I. I.

[Pac Man Jones]

Called my cousin him. Like, literally, like, where we stayed at, it was on Fortune Industrial. So, like, our projects was like, literally a mile and a half up the street. I'm calling on my. My boy. I'm like, listen, bro, I'm giving y'all packs of frozen meat burgers and everything. It's gonna be my last, bro. I gave away everything. I swear to God. Like, I was literally giving away buns. Cook burgers, not cooked burgers. And like, yeah, that was my last.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Job went up that day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm a socio. I have a question that's like a deeply psychological that maybe you'll have some insight on, but you're a fast twitch guy. You know, you're just a fast twitch guy. Now, you can train people to run marathons and stuff like that, but you can't train a 42840. There's nothing you can do. You could shave a little off if a guy worked really hard, but there is no. There's no training the. The fast. The twitch guys. And that's who you are. And I was talking to Dave Asbury from Nutritional expert and psychological Guy. Well, anyway, he was telling me that Danica Patrick, the Indy driver, gets anxiety when she's going slow. And I said, well, I race cars too, and I have the same anxiety when I'm driving through the canyon and the fucker's going 20 miles an hour and the speed limit says 45. I start getting anxiety, like, come on, come on. And you'll see a guy who's laid back, all of a sudden, stressful and going, what are you doing? What are you doing? Let's go. I have anxiety about going slow. You're fast twitch guy. Stand behind a grill for eight hours. I don't think you're wired for that. There's guys that are slow guys. I've worked with these guys on a construction site. They just move cinder blocks all day like a donkey. And you look at them and you go, why aren't you going nuts? And they go, I'm just moving. You Know, they're not fast twitch guys. I was up in my head the whole time. I was going nuts. Like, I would look around going, I'm going nuts. Isn't everyone going nuts? Don't we want to do something? They're all like, slow down, bro. Move some bricks. You know? And I worked the grill with guys. I would go nuts standing behind the grill. And I have a fast twitch mind. But you got fast twitch feet, and I think you got fast twitch. Just everything is sort of quick with you. And so we can't take you and put a stupid hat on you and place you behind a grill for hours because you'll start going insane.

[Pac Man Jones]

I would go inside. You know how funny that is that you said that?

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, Is that you?

[Pac Man Jones]

Because look, my wife, all my. My kids, anybody that goes with me somewhere, they'd be like, God damn, bro. You running while you walking? Because I'm like, I'm always. Yeah, like, right? And like, I be moving. Like, I'm always thinking about the next idea. Like, we was sitting here. I was sitting outside the hotel today, waiting on the people to get the stuff ready, and I came. I just. It just popped up in my head. So I wrote down the idea. I don't know if I should tell y'all this, but I wrote down the idea of some racing shit, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Racing?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is your guy right here.

[Pac Man Jones]

With my team on Betonline. I want to do certain racing thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Got racing, we got airport beat down.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, we're cooking it up.

[Pac Man Jones]

If you think about it right now, can't nobody like. I like the gas smoke controls cars. I want to do a unbelievable venue.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you like remote control gas cars?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yes. I want to do a big ass race somewhere indoor, outdoor.

[Adam Carolla]

They're doing drone races now.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, but they ain't betting on it. Like how I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good thought. That's an interesting thought. Because they had, you know, Robot Wars. They have drone races.

[Pac Man Jones]

What I'm telling you. So at least we know I said.

[Adam Carolla]

It here first, but that's a good call. You like those cars?

[Pac Man Jones]

I like anything with speed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, because you're fast, twitchy, right?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, I'm a speed guy. Like, I got banshees, can am thousand demon hell track, Dodge stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Dodge.

[Pac Man Jones]

Got a lot of Dodge. I got a 77 trans Am with a LS4 swap in it. I got the Burbies. I got 263s.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a 400. Yeah, so you got like smoking the Bandit car?

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, the real one. Like these motherfuckers been trying to buy this car for me forever. Never gonna sell it. You talking about 77 matching.

[Adam Carolla]

I actually got talking about a real smoking bandit car.

[Pac Man Jones]

I actually have the matching numbers and training. Like I took the out, it's literally downstairs in my bottom garage. Swapped it out with a new LS4 motor, same training as the car, Everything brand new off the crate. I might probably got a thousand miles on the so fast. And I, I kept it all original. It's only been painted two times.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, they're cool. They're going up. Yeah, they're getting popular. All right, Pac man, hang out. We'll take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll do the news with Mayhem and Pac man right after this. Rosetta stone setting 20, 25 resolutions. How about learning a new language? It can enrich your life, help you think as well. Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app. It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn. I, you know, Dr. Drew's a little bit of a snob, speaks French, his wife speaks French, but not as good as he and it's not conversational. And they're going to France. And he said he got Rosetta Stone for her and it cleaned it up, man, it sounds so good now. 30 years they've been around, millions of users, 25 languages, Spanish, French, Italian, German, Japanese, Chinese, Arabic. It's all there. No English translations. Learn to speak, listen and think think in that language. Design for long term retention. Plus the built in truaccent feature gives feedback on your pronunciations. Learn anytime, anywhere and do it on your schedule. It's Rosetta Stone. Right? Dawson, Start the new year off with the resolution you can reach today. ADAM Carolla SHOW listeners can take advantage of Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership platform. 50% off. Visit rosettastone.com Adam that's 50% off. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% [e-mail] Adam today. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Bam. You know the song, right? They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and all the parts and knowledge you need to maintain and repair your automobile. Always been an O'Reilly guy. Used to go the one out in North Hollywood when I was over there. Then I moved to La Crescenta and went to the one up on Foothill. Still swing by there every once in a while because I'm a hands on guy. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful and best off they're friendly because some of those auto parts guys can be a little. A little tough around the edges. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Adam Carolla]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier and re watch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Pac Man Jones]

Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Adam Carolla]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump Run Forest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay Never. And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show. Dateline Clearwater, Florida. A 22 year old woman was charged with battery after getting in an altercation with the cashier at 7:11 and hitting her in the face with a banana. The woman is employed as a stripper at Baby Dolls Gentlemen's club.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Definitely not a Jew.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In the news Did Diddy's Lawyer Quit Over Necromancy? It's a bizarre TikTok rumor that Sean Diddy combs legal trouble have taken an unexpected term with the bizarre rumors circulating online why one of his lawyers quit the case. Diddy, who's currently facing serious federal charges including sex trafficking and racketeering, recently saw one of his key lawyers, Anthony Rico, file a motion to withdraw from the case in New York federal court. Yeah, Rico cited sufficient reasons for his departure, but didn't elaborate. And that's where things got strange. Viral TikTok video posted by user Taylor Reeves exploded claims that Rico quit because Diddy is facing secret necromancy charge.

[Adam Carolla]

That means having romance.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, that's what I thought. But I looked it up. I looked into it. Necromancy is communicating with the dead from beyond the grave.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I don't know. Is P. Diddy ever getting out? Pac Diddy do not.

[Pac Man Jones]

No Diddy over the fuck no Diddy. No Diddy over here, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we need a titty if he's gonna be in jail.

[Pac Man Jones]

Diddy over here. Hey, look, to each his own. But like I stand on what I my morals and I'm no Diddy. I'm no Team Diddy. I don't with that. Like I stand on Morris. I got two unbelievable beautiful kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Should he have girls? I say bingo.

[Pac Man Jones]

He knew world peace. Get the out of here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You rolled in the big time circles. Did you ever run across.

[Pac Man Jones]

Don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not.

[Pac Man Jones]

But I'm just saying. Yeah, I mean.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I'm not saying that you went to Denny party, but I'm asking did you hear something before?

[Pac Man Jones]

I've been to a. Well, I haven't been to a D party. Not like the dating parts they are talking about.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I see.

[Pac Man Jones]

But I have been to a Sean Puff party. All right, but like I haven't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You didn't stay for the freak off.

[Pac Man Jones]

I haven't seen that. But like I haven't been around to see that. You get what I'm saying? I'm just. I got my own section. I ain't never mean.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I just understand that.

[Pac Man Jones]

You know what I'm saying? So I don't. I don't with that. So I'm. I'm no Diddy. I don't think he'll never get out. Me personally, I don't think so either. That's going on. But you can never say never. That's all I'm gonna say.

[Adam Carolla]

I said he should have fled.

[Pac Man Jones]

Definitely. I would have.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have to. I had money in a private jet.

[Pac Man Jones]

What? See you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. And because he's never getting out.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Pac Man Jones]

What?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I think that things are so terrible that now people on Tick Tock are just making up crazier stuff. Just one up what really happened. Which is. But like disgusting.

[Pac Man Jones]

But it's so much to that shit. Like how do you. How can you beat all of it?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No. Yeah, he's got like a RICO case that's you know, completely.

[Pac Man Jones]

And all the videos and shit like, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's never getting out.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's never getting out.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, we wasting our time with that one.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I would have. I would have fled. I mean, listen, Roman Polanski fled. That was like 55 years ago. He's been living in France. Celebrated is a. He celebrated the Academy Awards. He's not even here. He's in France. He just left.

[Pac Man Jones]

But then he ain't the only one that had a lot of money that didn't flee.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it happens. Bill Cosby didn't flee.

[Pac Man Jones]

Who else?

[Adam Carolla]

He hung around. Weinstein.

[Pac Man Jones]

Listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Pac Man Jones]

Open your goddamn mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Mark Garagon. Let's get some Seehorn. You know, he stayed c. Did he see? Did he stay? That's What I call him. I hope you're okay. Seahorn knows I call him C. Did he? All right, now, Weinstein. Okay, I see Diddy. I told Mark. Garrigos attorney.

[Pac Man Jones]

Why did you not tell Weinstein?

[Adam Carolla]

I said to Mark Garagos, who sat right where I said, you tell that guy to flee. I would flee if I was Weinstein. He goes, I didn't know. You know, he shouldn't flee. I got a jet. He's got cash. He's gonna go in jail for the rest of his natural life.

[Pac Man Jones]

Hold on. Let me ask you this. Do you really think. Do you really?

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Pac Man Jones]

What's up?

[Adam Carolla]

Don't stifle yourself.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Come on.

[Pac Man Jones]

It's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is a safe space.

[Pac Man Jones]

Is he dead?

[Adam Carolla]

Is who what?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is who dead?

[Adam Carolla]

Is who? Dad. Weinstein? P. Diddy. Oh, oh, Epstein. Oh, you mean did he kill himself? Ediddy. You're talking about Epstein.

[Pac Man Jones]

Weinstein's out right now. We thought. Go back to the other names that you haven't named. Yeah, that's what I'm asking you. Okay, because you ain't saying all the white dudes names. You only said the black dude's name. Only person name you said was who?

[Adam Carolla]

I meant Jill Cosby.

[Pac Man Jones]

God damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

I said Jason Diddy. Jason C. Horn is a white man. I mentioned him earlier. C. Diddy. And then there's E. Diddy, which is Epstein.

[Pac Man Jones]

Why we got to put Diddy on Epstein?

[Adam Carolla]

I just put Diddy on everyone's name. Now.

[Pac Man Jones]

Who else?

[Adam Carolla]

Who did the. Who's in there?

[Pac Man Jones]

Who said it?

[Adam Carolla]

I brought up Roman Polanski. He's famous. He's white. He extradited himself. He took himself out. I'm saying I said Weinstein should flee, and I said P. Diddy should flee. That's what I said.

[Pac Man Jones]

Is Epstein dead is the question.

[Adam Carolla]

Or did he fake the death and Weinstein? And then Epstein goes to jail and then dies. But did he kill himself? But he didn't kill himself. So there you go.

[Pac Man Jones]

He got a lot of money.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

We never seen.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Trump says he's got.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's going to open up.

[Pac Man Jones]

Did you see the funeral? Did you see any, like, anything? Oh, oh.

[Adam Carolla]

You're saying Epine's still alive?

[Pac Man Jones]

I'm asking you a question. Have it been a cremation? Have we?

[Adam Carolla]

What have I. You're not a coroner to New York. I don't know what the. Is going on. All right? They was.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh, yeah. He ain't it. He dead himself.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right.

[Pac Man Jones]

It could still be alive.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Maybe It's a lot I don't know.

[Pac Man Jones]

Trump says Cosby in there. Goddamn. Can't even see, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Cosby should have fled, but now he's out.

[Pac Man Jones]

Cosby shouldn't have got locked up, man. All y'all old ass man was doing that shit back then.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Queen.

[Pac Man Jones]

All of them. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so wait a minute. Where were we? All right. Trump is going to open the Epstein file. That's what I think so that's gonna be good. I think so. That's what he says we're gonna see.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, in other news, Philadelphia Eagles would visit the White House if invited. It's a different time in America. And the idea that Philadelphia Eagles would skip another trip to the White House to celebrate their super bowl victory with Donald Trump isn't a reality that we're in anymore. It was the case in 2018, not in 2025.

[Pac Man Jones]

My source Sis from the PAC Man Jones show says I talk to people and all you people who are here DMing me, all these hundred Dms and all these badass messages that y'all putting up on my YouTube, which. Thank you, but listen, I know what the I'm talking about because I got sources. And I'm not calling Jim Blow that. That is washing the clothes.

[Adam Carolla]

You're talking to players.

[Pac Man Jones]

I didn't say that.

[Adam Carolla]

Coaches.

[Pac Man Jones]

I didn't say that.

[Adam Carolla]

Sources.

[Pac Man Jones]

I said sources.

[Adam Carolla]

Sources.

[Pac Man Jones]

And when I talked to sources and hey, y'all going to the White House. Nah, we ain't talked about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

What sources says now all this shit about, oh, yeah, maybe Trump. I think that was a. Think that was a catch. I don't know. I don't know what was, as of right now, going on with the White House.

[Adam Carolla]

Not.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

And. And Trump, they have something going on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, because they. They turned him down in 2018, but. And now they haven't even extended an invite. So that's what's going on.

[Pac Man Jones]

Trump putting that Trump head on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Pac Man Jones]

You know what I'm saying? Like, y'all big dog me last time. I'm a big dog y'all. This time.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it.

[Pac Man Jones]

That's fair. I'm saying that's fair to me. I'm just saying that's fair to me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

You know, show me. Shame on you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Exactly. It seems like twice.

[Pac Man Jones]

Shame on me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It seems like. Yeah, he's big league in him now. In other news, narco wig smugglers. $10,000 plan falls flat. He's busted at the Colombian airport in a bizarre drug smuggling attempt. Authorities in Colombia have Arrested a man in the Bogota airport for allegedly trying to transport cocaine hit under a wig. You've got some video for you right here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's a bald guy. He did a good job, though.

[Pac Man Jones]

What are we talking about, Adam? He's a crackhead.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's literally. Literally a crackhead. Literally a crackhead. Well, the founding fathers wore powdered wicks, so the founding fathers could have had cocaine in their wigs. I call them powdered wigs. Pe wigs, Pac Man.

[Pac Man Jones]

Literally crackhead.

[Adam Carolla]

That's so funny.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. The latest arrest of the highlights the increasingly creative and desperate tactics used by drug traffickers to move narcotics across the country. Yeah, this just happened. Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

So it's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's a wild one. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that.

[Pac Man Jones]

What are you doing, bro?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's trying to make a. That's a pound of cocaine. I'm pretty sure he is crying because he's gonna do some time for that.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh, my God, he got a whole bucket.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I wonder.

[Pac Man Jones]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a pound of coke in his wig.

[Pac Man Jones]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder.

[Pac Man Jones]

They rubbing his head. What are you rubbing your head for, buddy?

[Adam Carolla]

I had a. I had a thought. Davis, who owns the Raiders? The Sun Davis, who's. God, I can't think of his son's first name. Find a picture of Al Davis's Mark. Was it Mark Davis? Mark Davis. I think that guy's smuggling some drugs in his hair, too. If you see a picture of Mark Davis, you go, oh, yeah, he smuggled on coke.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh, no, that would be. Let's see this, bro. That was a perfect. Hold on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Don't tell me he's not smuggling something in that haircut of his. That's not a normal haircut. Next time you see Mark Davis, check his hair for drugs, people, because there's no way that's natural.

[Pac Man Jones]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the greatest haircut ever. Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

I love you, Mark Davis. This is my boy.

[Adam Carolla]

I like him, too. I like. He owns an NFL franchise and he drives a minivan. That's a good dude.

[Pac Man Jones]

Sound like Mr. Brown.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like Brown, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And he's got a pound and a half of cocaine in his head.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So that was good. I mean, if you work at the DEA at the Colombian airport, this is just a Tuesday for you, right? It's gotta be, like, all day, drugs just coming through, right?

[Pac Man Jones]

You can see that right there. You can imagine. Like, God damn. I'm just trying to thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I would be the worst. Don't.

[Pac Man Jones]

People walking there with Fake dicks walking through there. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you were 20 pounds of dope in here. You know why I'd make a horrible drug agent at the Columbian airport? Because I'd see it in the X ray. And I just walk up to the guy and go, just leave. I don't want to do the whole, you can. You should just leave. Like, I don't want to cut your fake hair off or check what's up your ass or whatever. There's stuff. Just. Just go. Just do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was acting nervous.

[Adam Carolla]

Once in a while when somebody catches. Back when people used to shoplift, sometimes the guy would just come up and go, look, I saw what you did. Just put the cigarettes back and you can leave. And then you deny them and then they arrest you. But I'm saying I would just tell. I'd make a horrible guard because I wouldn't want to deal with them. And I'd feel bad for them. By the way, someone just paid them. They're mules. They're not drug cartel guys. Someone gave them 175 bucks. If it was cr. You know. Crackhead. That's right. Right. He's got a problem.

[Pac Man Jones]

Certain jobs are not for us. Like we talked about that three days at Crystals. Can't do it. Doing that shit right there. Would never do it. Taking 911 calls. Don't want to do it. You wouldn't smuggle coaching not doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I would have. When I was broke, if someone would offer me $10,000 to go across the Tijuana border with a coffee can or something, I would have done it.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah, the coffee can. You gonna cut your hair off and put a half a block of cocaine in the top of your head?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't wanna be one upper, but I shaved my head to go as Mr. T for Halloween in 1983. And there's a picture of me. So, yes, I would have shaved my head for some cocaine. Because I did it for free. I want you find these. Mr. T. I want. Is Mr. T for free. I shaved my head. Mayhem knows. Now you're gonna find out too. It's not cultural appropriation or blackface. This is a. I'm a fan. I was a fan.

[Pac Man Jones]

Thank God for football, Mr. T. God, thank you for football.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You would have had to do this.

[Pac Man Jones]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And interesting thing. He has a pound of cocaine in that wig.

[Adam Carolla]

I grow beard, too.

[Pac Man Jones]

At least an ounce at the top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Psoriatic arthritis. Symptoms can be unpredictable.

[Pac Man Jones]

I had joint pain and I couldn't move like I used to I needed relief.

[Adam Carolla]

I got Cosentyx.

[Pac Man Jones]

It helped me move better.

[Adam Carolla]

Cosentyx Secukinumab is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infection infections. Some were fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or plan to or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, serious allergic.

[Adam Carolla]

Reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentics or cosentix.com.

[Pac Man Jones]

As your dermatologist about Cosentyx.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In some local News Beloved Sherman Oaks Treehouse to Be Torn Down A beloved icon in Sherman Oaks, California is facing demolition as the famed Boney Island Treehouse, which has captivated both locals and fans of pop cultures for years, is set to be torn down.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we have a news clip of this. If not, we can find it, but I saw this tree house in person. I don't know why we're showing a picture at night that you can't read at all of the treehouse. I wouldn't have chose that particular picture, the one that doesn't show the treehouse. But you can find a news story of it and that's what I would have had prepared. I was okay, I live in Malibu. Malibu burnt down. I've been displaced. I cannot go back to Malibu. I have a home in Malibu, but there's no power, there's no nothing. There's nothing in here.

[Pac Man Jones]

So I made it through the fire though.

[Adam Carolla]

Made it through the fire, but I can't go back. So I'm now walking around, driving around, looking to rent houses somewhere around here. And I went to a home in Sherman Oaks last week and when I was driving back, I saw this tree house and I said to myself, man, that's a really killer treehouse. We'll play you the story. I saw it in person. I just drove past it and I stopped looking at it. As a guy who used to be a builder, I thought, I can't believe the city hasn't torn this shit down, because the city of Los Angeles is over officious. You need a permit for everything and they don't let you just build stuff on your property. So here's the story real quick. It is one of the Most famous tree houses in the world. A landmark in Sherman Oaks for decades. Inspired by the Simpsons TV show. But now it appears its days are numbered. Because tonight the fight to save Boney island and its haunted treehouse is coming to an end. That's right. The homeowners tell our Lauren Posen it's not the outcome they had hoped for, but their time has just run out. This is more than just a tree house. It's the heart of this neighborhood. And its days are numbered. It's a landmark of the Sherman Oaks neighborhood. Every time I walked by here, I was just like, what magic is this? This is in our neighborhood.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I can't believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Just reminds me that, like, magic is possible. Rick Polizzi is the man behind all that magic. It's a nice looking tree house. It's not, you know.

[Pac Man Jones]

I think it fits in with the.

[Adam Carolla]

Aesthetic of the neighborhood. It's safe. He worked on the Simpsons for a decade. And each year the show celebrated Halloween with a widely popular Treehouse of horror special. The inspiration for this creation built 20 years ago. He fought city hall for years to keep it. They say it's an unsafe structure. He says it's not a structure. But after $40,000 in legal fees and without a last minute miracle, he's done fighting. You can't fight city hall here. But I just said, I'm not going back to court. I'll tear it down and get the case dismissed. It's a heartbreaking decision. He feels he has no other choice to make. His neighbors are just as upset. We've just had catastrophic fires.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

People are.

[Adam Carolla]

You can pause it there. All right. Louisiana is burned to the ground. You couldn't get a permit to move all the toxic waste on. On your property in the Palisades or Malibu or Altadena. And the permit. City council and the permit department is. Has full time overtime now with everyone trying to pull them. And they're using their resources to get this guy in Sherman Oaks to take his tree house down. That's the battle they're fighting. You understand what you're dealing with in Los Angeles? You understand there's no such thing as you going, I don't know. It's the guy's property. He pays taxes on his property. Let him fucking do what he wants on his own fucking property. No, you cannot do that in the city of Los Angeles. They're gonna tell you now, by the way, they're gonna step over homeless people who are building forts on the fucking street in front of the kids school with stop signs and Visqueen plastic and plywood. They ripped off the liquor store because there was looting going on a few years ago. They can build all the shit they want on the side. They can go down to the LA river, they can build a fucking houseboat, they can pull power off the power lines, they can pull water off the fire, extinguish fire hydrants, they can do whatever. Oh, there's no water in the fire hydrants, but if there was, they pull water off of them, you can build. I've seen guys along the 5 Freeway with two story houses they're building themselves, L.A. city, city planning, planning department. No thoughts. They have zero thoughts. But homeowners, taxpayers, buyers, you want to build something on your property that you pay for and you pay the homeowners taxes and the insurance and you keep your home up and you're a good citizen and a good neighbor. You shall be fucked with and we're not going to let you get away with this shit. And you can spend as much as you want on attorneys because guess what? The people you're arguing with don't give a fuck about attorneys fees. They have attorneys that are given to them by the. They see they haven't. They have an unyielding, unexhaustible amount of energy to fight with you because they don't have jobs they have to go to. This is their job. Their job is to fight you. And they don't have billable hours. When you get an attorney, you know, Pac Man. Yeah, you get attorney, you get something called billable hours.

[Pac Man Jones]

High as a 3, 400, 3 5, 600, 8 hour easily.

[Adam Carolla]

And they don't go by the hour, they go by the 16th of an hour, you know what I mean? They go, oh man, I was playing golf today and I was thinking about you, Pac man. So there's 200 bucks and that phone call. Yeah, the phone call on the way back from the golf club. So they're not dealing with that. You're dealing with the reality of billable hours, attorney's fees, and you got a life, you gotta go to work. Their job is to go into city hall and fight with you all day. So eventually you go fuck it and you pull the plug and now you're gonna tear down the thing that people enjoy in your neighborhood, especially the kids. And they can talk about all the safety they want. Fuck right off. There's homeless guys fighting with machetes around the next corner. So don't fucking give me your speech about safety, assholes and permits. There's homeless people living in busted up Winnebagos that are just parked on blocks on every street in Venice and pch and they're dealing methamphetamine out of it. So don't give me your fucking safety speeches. City is bullshit. And this is why people hate you. And this is why they're leaving Los Angeles. This guy's going to end up leaving now. I would tell the city, you want to fucking take it down? Fucking take it down. I'm not doing it. But then they'll start finding this guy a monumental spot.

[Pac Man Jones]

Like this got something to do with Bart Simpson. Like, this is not like a regular fucking tree house.

[Adam Carolla]

I literally drove past this place as a. As a former builder contractor in la, and I just stopped and I went, how the fuck the city let them. The city's not you. That was two days before this story. I was like, I. Of course he's doing battle with the city. He tried to do something on his own property. Oh, you guys, you. You say you love government. Go deal with government and then get back to me and tell me how much you fucking love these governments. And then you get the Ruby Ridge Waco shit. I get the people. At some point, they just go to the roof with a hunting rifle like a. Fuck that. Fuck it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

I've snapped. No, they do. They go get all the. Off my property. Like, they go nuts. This guy's gonna be up there with a hunting rifle and a bottle of Jack Daniels between his legs in three days.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We at the Adam Corolla show. Do not con.

[Pac Man Jones]

We don't. We do not condone that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We don't condone his behavior. Sorry, Austin.

[Adam Carolla]

It makes them into it. That's what happens.

[Pac Man Jones]

It's crazy. On your own property.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the kids.

[Pac Man Jones]

How long have it been there?

[Adam Carolla]

20 years. 20 years.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Seven years ago, a neighbor complained. That's how this all started.

[Pac Man Jones]

Probably a new in the neighborhood.

[Adam Carolla]

Something.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah. After 20 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I can't believe that. During COVID Where's your mask? I saw kids on the treehouse with no mask. Haunted tree house. You have a permit for that? Mind your own business. Gladys.

[Pac Man Jones]

Part Simpson house.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Pac man, let me give you. Let me give you a plug here. Politically. Sorry.

[Pac Man Jones]

Politely.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Sorry. Politely Raw.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

With Pac Man Jones.

[Pac Man Jones]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't call him Pack daddy.

[Pac Man Jones]

Don't call me.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't do it.

[Pac Man Jones]

Don't do it. I need everybody to go to the show and hit the subscribe button for me. That mean a lot. And like I said, man, it's been good. We've did 21 million views in six months. Not no bullshit views like. I got a good team around me. Shout out to my boy Ev. My team at BET Online, all the people in the back work. I mean, the background that do all the work. My guy Rome, who shoots all of this shit, Evan. From helping me game plan to editing, my boy Scott, and my boy Zach over at Bed Online, we got a good team. I don't plan on doing that, but getting bigger and building more projects.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you need a controversial guest, you can book me back, man.

[Pac Man Jones]

I'm booking your ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Good to see you, man.

[Pac Man Jones]

Good to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

This was fun. Had a good time with you.

[Pac Man Jones]

I did, too.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm gonna be in Austin, then I'm gonna be in San Luis.

[Pac Man Jones]

When are you going to Austin?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to Austin. I'll be doing a theater show there tomorrow. And then I'll be Monterey. There's still some tickets left at the Golden State Theater. And then Uptown Theater, Napa. Not a lot of guys with the fast twitch muscles over there in the Napa Monterey area, but they got the wallets. Go to. I'm corolla.com for all the live shows. And Fitz Dog want to thank for coming in. Until next time, roll for Pac Man Jones.

[Pac Man Jones]

Thanks for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Simmons. Good to see you, man. Come back anytime, Second Man. Mahalo. That was fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Pac Man Jones]

Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Adam Carolla]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker, or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump.

[Pac Man Jones]

Run Forrest.

[Adam Carolla]

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