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Adam Carolla Show
Natalia and Sonny + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)
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#1 ACS #983 (feat. Sonny Carolla, Natalia Carolla, Alison Rosen and Bryan Bishop) Recorded 12-17-2012 – Release Date 01-02-2013 #2 ACS #1232 (feat. Sonny Carolla, Natalia Carolla, Alison Rosen and Bryan Bishop) Recorded 12-19-2013...
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Adam Carolla
US Cellular gifting is hard, but here's a hint. Give the gift of connection from US Cellular. Not sure what that means. Well, here's a slightly more specific hint. You can choose four free phones and get four lines for $90 a month from US Cellular. Your family wants new phones? How do we know? Well, they told us using their own old phone we could barely hear. The good news is that compared to wrapping presents, you're great at getting hints. So take the hint and get them four free phones and four lines for $90 a month only with US Cellular. US Cellular built for us At Capella University, we believe accessible education can make a difference in people's lives. That's why we offer scholarship opportunities to all el Whether you're considering a bachelor's, master's, or doctoral degree, our teams will walk you through the process and help you get the savings you are eligible for. Furthering your education is an investment in yourself. Entonces que estasperando un futuro diferente esta macerca de los cres con Capella University. Learn more at capella. Edu Foreign Classics I'm your host super fan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics and you can find the ad free archive exclusively available through Adam Corolla substack adamcarla.substack.com check it out and sign up. You get access to a bunch of their ad free content as well as the new show Beat it out featuring Adam and Jay Moore. And if you'd like to request a clip please email us classicsdamcarolla.com alright, now onto the clips. Continuing with our theme of yesterday highlighting past ACE Awards, we're gonna feature 2012 and 2013 shows. As the show started back in 2006, the morning show ran for two hours and 25 to 35 minutes depending on the day. So the early ACE Awards basically took the whole running time. When it switched over to the podcast format with the 4th ACE Awards in 2010, the running time was much shorter and even the one in 2011 was pretty short as well. It's not until actually 2012 and 2013 it starts approaching almost two hours again. Both of these ACE Awards feature Sonny and Natalia, but up first we have adam Carolla show 983. This one was recorded on December 17, 2012 but did not air until January 2013. This one features Sonny, Carolla, Natalia Carolla, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, it's the 2012 ACE Awards. I hope you enjoy. From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, it's the 2012 ACE Awards honoring the best of the Adam Carolla show this year featuring trophy girl Alison Rosen and seat filler Brian Bishop. And now your host for this evening's ceremonies, Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate get it on. Thank you so much for tuning in in 2012 and we'll make it a better 2013. I'm excited. I have been in hair and makeup for hours, but I'm very excited as well. This is awesome. This is my favorite show of the year. Me too. And a big, big tip of the cap to Dawson and Mike lynch who made all of this possible because this is a. Oh, and Gary and Chris Maxapata as well because this is a lot of work and if it was up to me, I would just sit there like the crazy preacher wearing two pair of glasses and look at a phone book and complain for 90 minutes. But you guys get a well oiled, well produced machine. And I say without any further ado, let's just get started. First, best reenactment. The nominees for best reenactment are Adam and TJ Miller for Recumbent Bike Guy and metal Detector Guy. What do you use, titanium or Reynolds 501 steel tubing on that frame of your night? Aluminum. Oh, that doesn't show up on my screen. Are you using something completely antiquated to find things? Well, listen, first off, you want a detector that finds aluminum, I'll show you a fucking Fresca can. Okay, son. Have fun hammering that at the pawn shop. Last I checked they didn't make any super bowl rings or urns out of aluminum. And yeah, I found urns at the beach. Alright. People scatter the ashes, they get emotional, they drink a little bit and that's where I step in. I pick up the pieces. You understand You've won this round. Metal detector Man. I know that your name is clunkier and more cumbersome, Adam. And dag for black voter. If Obama lost, we're speaking to a black person on the street. Yeah. Obviously disappointed. Oh yeah. Did you? It's expected, you know, it's expected and suspected. Yeah, it's expected and suspected. Suspected, yeah. And you, did you vote this year? You know, no comment on that, but it's a setup basically set up. But how do you think, what do you mean by shut up? Well, you know, the wise, wise, wise, wise, wise Election only on Tuesday, November 6th. You know, that's, that's all. Because you know in the calendar Tuesday, that's a bad day for black folks. No, I didn't know that. It's after money man. You know, it's set up. Okay, so you. Why do the Polls close at 8pm Most places? Right? You know what I'm saying? Well, it seems reasonable. Ah, no, no. Why they only give you four years advance notice. Not enough time. You want more of a heads up? Oh yeah. 10, 12 years. You think? This voter suppression. Then what was? Oppression, suppression and obsess And Adam and Pete Holmes for voiceover session. Closer to the script, please. Can you stop saying definitely not a Jew using Quaker State Oil. That's not. We can't use that. No Jew would ever get their filthy Jew cuticles dirty. Changing that. I'm sorry to cut your mic, but can you please just say Quaker State oil is the best kind of oil. Quaker State has been the leading manufacturer synthetic oil ever since the stink of Jews came over here. And they're Goddamn Jew flower. You're doing it again. You're doing it again. I didn't. I was just reading the copy. No, no, there's dead stuff. Can we get him a new copy? Because that seems to have hate speech on it. I didn't. I'm just reading it. Adam, I'll thank you to stop. I'm a Jew. Seems to. Well, I'm atheist. Can we move on? All right. I'm the whitest white bread in the world. You are. Well, we's back and boy, that's. That's tough coming bike guy. I like those two guys. I really like to get them in the same room if they would be around another human being. I feel like they were. Oh yeah, it was like you were there. It was like there. But Dag. Can't beat Dag. Can't beat Dag. All right, let's. Let's unveil the winner. Oh, I have the winner. Sorry. Me and Pete Holmes. Dag was robbed. Robbed. I tell you. Again, you thought you had one angry black man. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Alright, let's keep the party trainer rolling and get to best fight. Best fight. I don't know what any of these are and I have no recollection of half of them. So this is really a treat for me. Best fight. And the nominees for best fight are. Adam and Ray for Ray's truck. Ray had his truck in my parking lot here for about two, three years. I said to Ray a bunch of times, get it Out. This segment is sponsored by Max Mustang. I said, pick your time, Ray. Pick your time. I gave him a month or three weeks or whatever it is. And then I finally called Jay and I said, jay, call the Jews for Jesus and get that piece of shit out of here. We're donating it. Ray said, fuck that. I'm keeping it. Ray gassed it up, fired it up, started up and drove it to a vacant lot off of Colfax. It then sat there for five years where it could be viewed. I can't hear. Every day. Oh, I'm sorry. I've never heard this before. Then about six months ago, I found it in my other warehouse's parking lot. And I said, what the fuck is this doing in here? And Ray said, I'm selling it in a month. And that was six months ago. That's true. No, it wasn't six months ago, not three months ago. Whatever you sell it for, if it's under $100,000 at this point, you're getting ripped. That's true. That is. What? What is it? Why, Robbie? Why do unsuccessful people cling to one thing and never let it go? Maybe I have some attachment disorders. Maybe I have some. Why do I go to your for 20 years? Why don't you just listen to me? Are you. What are you doing? Get rid of it. I told you, get the rid of it five years ago. Why not? Why are we going to argue right now? Why don't you just listen to me? I'll listen to you. Just get it. Fine. Ray, look around. Okay, you want to listen to me or you want to listen to you? I don't want to listen. Why is it in my parking lot? Because you're gonna make this $400. Ray. This segment has been sponsored by Matt, Right? It's so sad. It's the code. Adam. Adam and Dr. Bruce. For Lynette's keys. Yeah. Those keys are not where they should be. That question. I'm not doing this for me. Bruce, listen, I got my first device here. It's my first story. But I might have to. It's not for me. But what you should be asking yourself is, why is Lynette so overwhelmed that she's misplaced her key? It's not overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed. That's why I put my keys in the same place. You understand? I have too much to think about to tell you the truth. I'm telling you the truth. Please. No. I'm overwhelmed. By what? Are you fucking nuts? I'm writing a fucking book. I'm Doing a podcast. I do live shows every fucking weekend. I get up every morning and do press. I do press every fucking afternoon. Are you fucking high? That's all I do. I have a fucking. I just got done telling my editor. Bugging the shit out of me. Where's the book? Where's the book? Where's. I'm trying to get pictures for the book. What the fuck are you talking about? By what, you idiot. Just shut up, Bruce. You want to know why everyone hates you? This is why that hates me. Everyone and Adam and Brian for open chip bag. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you hate humanity or you just hate chips? What is your beef? Do you fucking hate everybody, including yourself? Is this a fuck you to me? Because I've only brought it up 2,000 times. 2,000 times. I brought it up two fucking thousand times. Who is it? That's a calendar year. Or. Here's my question. I want to know if it's all the above. Do you hate me? Do you hate chips in general? Do you hate yourself? Or do you hate the people you work with? Are you planning on having more of these chips when they've been exposed to. And it's an open warehouse? It could be roaches and vermin at this. At this particular point. There are cockroaches back there. What is your plan? I know you have no plan. How fucking thick and stupid are you? Can nothing penetrate? Does this conversation need to take place how many thousand times? Tell me. Cause I'll just repeat it on a fucking reel until we get there and we can save ourselves some time. Well, I don't know that it was me, but if it was. I bought them, I brought them. I don't give a. Okay, so your ch. They're your chips. I think it was. I don't know that it was because I. Who ate these chips? I had some Wheat thins at the same time and I put the clip back on those. So I don't know. So we're saying ball brine? If it was me, who cares? Are you taking a bullet for the team? Yeah. Why? What's the problem? You would never do. They're not yours. The weight thins are mine. Then give me my weight thins back. Close. I close that clip. They're mine. I don't want you eating them. But I like them. They're mine. I own them. No, they're yours. You can dictate how they are kept. And those are mine. I can dictate. I like to keep them at my. Oh, please. So you want Them to be stale for anyone else that wants to eat them. I had five when I came in today. You ate them from here? They were sitting right there. I was like, oh, cheers. Oh, God. All right. So this is Brian. All right. All right. Well, now I'm not surprised. Why is that? Because you're watching this. They're not your chips. You brought them in for everyone to enjoy, did you not? That sounds like semantics. They're mine. As in, they're in mine. Everyone enjoy my chips. So glad we've had such great times. So glad. My. Are my kids hearing this in the next room. Really? You gotta turn this down because now. Cause I skipped one. I skipped best rant. And that's. That's basically. But first, we have to reveal the best fight. I'm looking up at the screen. Adam and Brian in the chip bag. Yeah, that sounds about right. I feel bad about that. They were all strong contenders, though. Hmm. Listen, I realize I sound like a lunatic. I understand that. No, you don't. No, no, I sound like a lunatic. I understand that. But there's a way for me not to be a lunatic. Just, you know, shut the bathroom light medication. I feel like, I don't know, maybe the military is not a great protocol, but let's just say a firehouse. Okay. You know what I mean? There's just certain. There's a bunch of guys living together, and there's certain things you gotta do in order just to kinda keep everything. What if someone forgot to grease the pole? Then there's a fire and they get stuck on their way down. Right. I don't think they grease the pulse. How do they keep it smooth? I would say just the fact that there's a 200 and there's something called gravity is usually what takes them down the pole. Grease the pole. I would want to grease it. I'll bet they polish it. You could shave a couple seconds off. You're right. They could spawn faster. And I suggest they grease the pole. We need to. You gotta get your pole grease. And by the way, that's going to sound weird when you come in and start talking about greasing poles. And who needs some pole grease? And we're out of pole grease. All right, like I said, I skipped one. We'll do best rant and US Cellular gifting is hard, but here's a hint. Give the gift of connection from US Cellular. Not sure what that means. Here's a slightly more specific hint. You can choose four free phones and get four lines for $90 a month from US Cellular. Your family wants new phones. How do we know? Well, they told us using their own old phone we could barely hear. The good news is that compared to wrapping presents, you're great at getting hints. So take the hint and get them four free phones and four lines for $90 a month only with US Cellular. US Cellular built for us. When it comes to family vacations, there are a million different trips you can take. You can get your own trip to Texas. Or if you prefer a vacation from your family, you can always get your own. Leave the kids with grandma trip to Texas. So go to traveltexas.com getyourown for the only trip to Texas that matters. Yours. Drink with sis to take you back. Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said, get out the chat room and clean mine Stretch Feeling pine so fresh. The grad girl group coming at you with a throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring trash bags featuring Pine Sol original scent. And that's better than all good. It's all Glad. Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with Carrick. Could only mean one thing. McRib is here at participating McDonald's for a limited time. We'll do. We'll do the next category. Let's try it. Our first nominee for rant of the year is. Alicene. Ah, you guys, please imagine being me for just one second. I have a radio tour lined up to promote Rich Man, Poor man, my ebook. Now I get a piece of paper that says, here's the chick's number and her name is A, L, I, S, Y, N. Allison to me was never really up. Wasn't up for debate. I just knew the old school. Allison, it's an old name. And there's just one way to go. And you understand we're living in a society where everyone is a up name. There's a lot of jermichaels and stuff like that. You don't know anyone's name anymore because of a ton of different ethnicities and just a ton of different assholes who like to spell their name just a little bit different and pronounce it just a little bit different. So when I'm looking at this piece of paper, I don't know if it's Allison or Alicene. I call the number. I get the chick who picks up the phone. Hello, so and so radio network, whatever. And I said, is Is Alice Alicine, Al Assine, Alyssine. Of course, there's no last name. So we could. Because that would make that be too difficult to put the last name on a fucking piece of paper. So I'm like, is Alicene. Alicene. And Al assign in. Al assign. And of course, because they're them, they can't do the math of, yes, there is a cunt named Alison who spells her name like a nut job. So I said, no, Alice, Al. Alice, Alyssine. Alicene, Alison. Again, they could never go, well, there's an Allison. Never do that. So they go, no, no, no. And I'm like, well, this is the number they told me to call. You guys set up the radio interviews. Yep. That's what we do. And there's no Alicene, Alice. No, there is not. No, there's not. So I said, A, L, I, S, Y, N. No. Well, the reason she said no at that point is because she was on what I. What I like to refer to as the no roll that we have in this. In this fucking horrible society we've crafted. Like, once you get three nose on your belt, you're on a fucking roll, man. You're fucking. You can hear, like, Sinatra playing behind you. Luck be a lady tonight. Hot guys cheering around her. No roll. No roll. Yeah. At that point, I've got three good no's under my belt. I'm going for fucking four, man. Then I spell it out. I said, a, L, I, S, Y, N. And she goes, oh, yeah, Allison. Let me ring her desk. And then she rings the desk, but of course, Allison's not at the desk. But now I'm not so sure. Is it Allison still? Do you have another Allison? Is there an Allison that spells her name normally again? Why would you include a last name in this mix of 23 fucking radio stations? I have to call. So that's insane. So. All right, not gonna happen. I call back again. She puts me through to the desk again. And then I notice at the bottom of the page there's, like, an emergency number. So I call that number, and that's Allison's. That's her cell phone. And she picks up the phone, and I said, yeah, I called the other number and it was. And I. I went over the number. Now I have to go. Now I'm fucking. Have to go over the number with her. And the last digit should have been a nine, but it was a seven, because who the fuck can remember all these digits these days? So the last digit off made for wild confusion, because first Digit off means you're not talking to anybody. They just get some guy the crazy accent doesn't know what the fuck you're talking about. Last digit means confusion. Like, yeah, this is the company, but I don't know what you're talking about. So I got Alison on her cell phone and I said, yeah, I got hold of the desk and she. She kept ringing your desk. And then of course, she g. Probably should have been called me. Like, of course, of course. That's the person at the front desk hoping I'll just have a heart attack and just go. This whole thing of, why do you want me to go away so badly? What are you doing? Are you in the middle of a online Connect4 tournament and I've just fucking rang your phone and you're like, right in the middle of a move? Like, what is going on at that desk? Who's eating your. Thank you. All right, so what we'll do with the best rants is we'll sprinkle them throughout. And I think we'll, at the end of the show, go ahead and start your betting now. But we'll go ahead and find the best rant. I think we'll have three or four of those before the night is up. All right, best impression. I'm looking forward to this one. Let's roll it. The nominees for best impression are Key and Peele as Obama and Medea. Tyler Perry movies. I don't blame Tyler Perry. It's not his fault he's a horrible writer. It's not that hard to write. Write horrible. It's Oprah's fault for making a star out of a guy who's built an empire around gun toting. It definitely. Definitely. 250 pound grandmother whose conflict resolution strategy involves threatening to put her foot up your ass. Oh, hallelujah. I was reading out of my book. That's what that was. That's what I was like. That sounds like me. Mark from Schmo's know as alf. All right, Mark, you want to be alf and I'll be. I'll be the creator with writer's block. Sure. Alf, I need your help on this one. What's happening, buddy? Well, we got the scene where you're in the kitchen. I love it already. I know, but hold on. Okay. You're always behind that counter. Anyway. You're in the kitchen and the boss is coming over for dinner. Oh, that's hilarious. Right? I know. Hey, he's coming in and this is a big deal because I can't remember, even though I created this sitcom, the dad of the house. Willy. His name's Willy. Yeah, Willy. Willy won't get the big raise. And the problem is that the lasagna is burnt and the boss is on his way. The lasagna is burnt. I think I did that. Yeah, you did. You did. But I need you to stall the guy. Now that's my dilemma. And I'm trying to think of a funny way for you to stall him. I got it. I'll say, hey, that's a nice pussy you got there. And he's holding a cat. Okay, that's good, that's good. By the way, I need to fuck your mouth later. Jay Moore as Colin Quinn. Tracy Morgan and Ina Garten. What would it sound like if you were married to Colin Quinn and he wanted to watch it? Tonight's show? Okay. You know, I would go to crisis of conscience. You know, it was a Honey Boo Boo marathon. And plus, you know, there's documentary on jfk, Secret Service man, they, the Kennedy detail, you know what they did, they didn't pay attention to details. Otherwise, you know, chestnut colored hair would have been on a grassy knoll in Dallas. I'll tell you one thing, Governor Connolly, they call it the magic bullet. I don't think he thought it was too magical. He probably calls it the unlucky bullet or the left Turner. How the hell did this hit my rib and wrist? Bullet. That's probably what I think he calls it. What would Tracy Morgan sound like if he was gonna watch the Tonight Show? You gotta watch it. Cause I got him pregnant. I got everybody pregnant. I'm gonna get you to write a book for me, Kirk. Yeah, we're gonna write a book about getting bald. Buying pregnant with doo doo Pampers. Wait a minute. Yeah, you gonna get pregnant. That's part of your therapy. You go in that MRI tube, they shooting you with pregnancy. But I think Ina from the Food Network would probably say, oh my goodness, I did a Tonight Show. How bad could that be? Don't tell bald Brian. Wow. So tough because. Oh, we got more. Wow. Dave Damaschek as Chris Berman Teach. Look, you got bratwurst, you got hot dogs, you got ham. Look, there are a lot of meats to grill. And man grate is a hundred percent cast iron. 100 made in America 100 steakhouse. Look, it grills good. This just in. Click the man gray banner on AdamCarolla.com for a great deal. Like Jerry and the boys sang about. Oh, so long ago. What a long strange trip it's been. Back on The Blitz. And Kevin Pollock as Albert Brooks. Jason Statham. Statham and Christopher Walken. Hi, this is Albert Brooks. Kevin's not here. Leave a message. Call back. I don't care. I'm gonna go lie down. Good luck. Jason Statham. He says six words in a row faster than anybody else alive. Those six words are. Do you know what I mean? And he says those as this. You know what I mean? Correct. Right. Yes. And so when I keyed into that, then it was, if I. If I put you in that chair, you'll be dead. You know what I mean? Right. Right. Let's just say it's Christopher Walken walking into Trader Joe's. I mean, it can be anything. Sure. Because again, I just want the conversation. Right. Can I work at Trader Joe's, please? Okay. Excuse me. I hate to buy you, sir. I notice, first of all, is Joe here? Trader Joe is what I'm asking. No, he's not. Well, that's just the name we like, you know, Ralph's, the supermarket. There's no Ralph. Well, there probably is, but he's not there. Right. You're not gonna find him. Well, I'm not. I figured Joe would be out trading if he were. No, that's just a trader's. Like just sort of a name for old timey guys who would move. You know, like merchants. All right, well, I'm gonna set aside how crestfallen I am with this information, but I had a question about the bananas. I come here every day. Right. I like the store. Yeah. Your selection of nuts is insane. Yeah, we had a lot in. I've never. I had no idea such a variety of nuts were available in the world. But you got them here on four shows. It's a point of pride. For us, it must be. So. Love. Dead Zone, by the way. Thank you. The bananas are always green. Yeah. So my question is to you, if I may. I was gonna ask Joe. You say he's not here? Well, no, he's not. He's never. I mean, I think he's dead. Like, I don't know if he exists. I'm sorry. No, no, I. I don't. I don't. I'm not related to him. Bring up a bad no. I've only been working here for like seven weeks, so. Oh. Oh, yeah. It's just called Trader Joe. Well, if you want me to show you around, I'd be happy to. Wow. Keenan Peel. Heart. Jay Moore. Hard to. I don't know. I will be surprised and disappointed no matter what. Yeah. Kevin Pollock, the conversational the conversational Trader Joe's. That was. And by that, that went on for another 10 minutes, and it was unbelievable. His voice drops out when he says, insane. The selection of nuts is insane. That makes it. All right, back to the rant number two again. You tally these up. Try to figure out what your best is, what your favorite is at home. The rant number two. You can guess probably what the topic is. The second nominee for rant of the year is chicken shit tickets. Sorry, law enforcement personnel. You're all heroes. You're all heroes. You're all heroes. You're all heroes except for the ones that do nothing but hand out chicken shit tickets all fucking day long and ruin our lives. You're all fucking heroes. Kiss my ass. We do this thing where it's like, we don't have enough cops. We don't have enough cops. Whenever someone talks about, you know, oh, we need to add another half penny on the sales tax. Otherwise that's going to cops and firemen. You got plenty of cops. How about you get the cops and focus them on crime instead of busting people that are running late for work on Laurel Canyon? Jesus Christ. Hold on. I'm pissed. Now, listen, this is a cold war. If you want to hide up a driveway like a chicken with a radar gun and tell your gay friend up the hill, guess who's coming in their minivan, go ahead and pop them, then we can do the same fucking shit to you. We didn't fire the first shot, you motherfuckers. We tried to play by the rules, but you had to go all chicken shit on our ass. And now we're getting chicken shit with your ass once you bring back the fucking policeman's ball. If you need some goddamn money, stop raping the citizens of the city you live in and start working on crime. You. Why don't you just sell cookies? Just sell Girl Scout cookies. Just admit what you do for a living. You don't stop crime anymore. You raise money. So start selling cookies, you pussies. Yes, put on a skirt and start selling cookies, you worthless. Other than that, I have great respect for the bad. Oh, who knew? All right, so that was rant number two you could have incited for inciting a riot right now. Again, the fact that these guys, you know, there's a portion of them that are there for stopping crime, but an ever increasing portion that are there for fundraising, which I don't seem to remember. Like, as a youth. Like, as a youth, they wanted people not to speed or not to do stuff, but they wanted them. They wanted to discourage them by fining them for the behavior. Now it's like, hey, we're just going to set up speed traps in the middle of the grapevine and get a whole bunch of money for whatever city. It's not even sportsmanlike. At a certain point, it turned into a business. And extracting money from the citizens you're supposed to be protecting, turning that into a cottage industry is not a great plan. All right, let's move on to something I'm curious about. Which is most uncomfortable moment when it comes to family vacations. There are a million different trips you can take. You can get your own trip to Texas, or if you prefer a vacation from your family, you can always get your own. Leave the kids with grandma trip to Texas. So go to traveltexas.com getyourown for the only trip to Texas that matters. Yours, Stretch. Let's drink. Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said get out the chat room and clean mine. Stretch. Feeling pine. So fresh. The GLAAD girl group coming at you with that throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring Trash bags featuring Pine Sol original scent. And that's better than all good. It's all glad. High Five Casino lets you play your favorite slot and live table games like blackjack with the chance to redeem for real cash prizes. High Five Casino has a giant selection of over 1200 games, including hundreds of exclusive games only found on High five Casino. It's always free to play and free coins are given out every four hours. Ready to have your own high five moment? Visit high five casino dot com. That's high. The number five casino dot com. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. And the nominees for most uncomfortable moment are. Adam tries to talk Greg Fitzsimmons off the wagon. Fitz dog. You want to try a little my Mangria? I haven't had a drink in 21 years. Well, this is a good drink to go back to drinking with. Is that a yes or a no? Yeah, just answer the fucking question. 21 years. I'll have a little bit. Okay. Now, are you one of those? I mean, I'm not like a guy who has to go to meetings. Jesus Christ. I just said I'm not drinking anymore. You want a little taste? Yeah, I'll take a taste. Oh, so you're not weird about it? No, I'm not having a taste. What the fuck? I feel weird about it. You are weird about it. I mean, that's really a fucked up thing. Come on. What are you uptight? We a chicken? Come on. You want to do what the cool people do because the cool kids are drinking Mangria. Well, here's my question. I don't feel good about me. No, what I'm saying is cannot. If it passes your lips or is it back on? Is the 21 years erased? Is that the way you think? What's wrong with you? Like, that's. I know that is. You really want me to have a sip of this? The way you think? Like who? It'd be nice. It'd be nice. Give me the drink. I'd move a couple. Give me the drink. I'd move a couple. I don't think you have the balls to actually give me the drink right now. Well, because if things got real bad, my wife would come to your house and be like, I heard. It's not like there's not proof that you were the one, right? We're talking about. You got millions of people that can attest to the fact that you were so fucking alpha male and such a teenager. Right? You couldn't handle the fact that I made a positive choice in my life and you had to suck me down. And that's. That's in the fucking annals forever. So you're saying you're uptight? I'm saying you're afraid to hand it to me right now. Listen, I'll. I'll handle it it to you right now. No, you're not handing it to me. Well, okay, listen, I. I don't. I don't want any trouble. And I don't want one of those things where I'm like, Listen, Mrs. Fitzgerald, I'm sorry for your loss. Fitz, Nice. I've had a couple years. Adam talks psychology with Wyatt Cenac. I blame my parents. You blame parents? Why you blame your parent? Sorry, that was racist. That was racist. Your aunt, Sorry. Your grandmama, whoever you have. Did you have two parents? It's sad, cuz it's true. You got to get over blaming your parent. Wow. Single dad, the same old story. He did the best he could. That was horrible and racist. But true. And Adam versus Kevin Smith. Kevin, this is now crossing the line from sort of sensible thinking into somewhat paranoid and grandiose thinking. Not. Not at all. I don't think it's grandiose to think like, if the thing's falling apart, if somebody had just reached out and I wish I had reached out. Call me crazy. It's kind of crazy to come in here and Even try to. If the tables have been turned, Kevin, would you have reached out to you? I would have written him an email, been like, what the. You prick. I've been telling people about this thing. He would have been like, well, here are my issues, man. You didn't email me back. I took a shit ton of fucking crap over the homophobic comments. And then now fucking pot. Damn it. You even show up. And I understand you didn't know about it, but you did find out about on kroc, and the event didn't happen for three days. And as you pointed. Right, but I wasn't invited to do it. But you were invited because your manager. Somebody had to say, he's not coming. Well, nobody told me. Nobody told me about. There you are. Kroc, they say pod damage. Yeah. But they screw up stuff in schedules and times and things all the time. I mean, I've done that show a million times. Now who's being ridiculous? The basis of his argument was that he was dissed because I didn't show up at an event that I was unaware of. And then when I was made aware of it, here's how I was made aware of it. They said, and I guess we'll see you this weekend at Kevin Smith's marathon podcast marathon. And I said, I have no. I've never heard of that. Yeah, you have to be insane to then call up the podcast marathon and be like, hey, my part of that. It's like if someone says, oh, hey, so I guess I'll see you at that party. And you're like, oh, actually I wasn't invited. You wouldn't then approach the person who invited you. You'd assume you are not supposed to be there or else you would have been invited. And you wouldn't blame the person that assumed you were gonna be there or mistakenly said you were gonna be there. That was the part that was weird about the whole thing. That just feels like a long time ago. Like, that was this year. That was 2012. Yeah, the beginning. Yeah. All right, so let's have. Before we reveal the winner, we should give honorable mention to a couple nominees that just didn't make the nomination. Cut. Todd Glass with the retard argument and Wayne Fetterman with the porn discussion. Both very strong, but just a little too late in the year. Yeah, those strong end of the year contenders. I felt like I was a crazed dog chasing his porn tail with Wayne Fetterman, where I kept saying, there's other kinds of porn. And he's like, sorry, if I don't want to see two gals defecating into a Coleman cooler. And I'm like, they got other stuff. And he's like, I'm sorry if I don't want to see two people defecating. It didn't he just keep going back to the same thing? And he also didn't want to see any penis. And I was like, there's penis free porn. It almost felt like a bit, although it wasn't. I know, but it's like it was weird that he took the most bizarre. It's like you saying, I don't like going to the movies because I don't like those. I don't like reading those French titles for those endless French documentaries about ballooning. And you go, well, they got other movies, you know, and you go, yeah, but I just go with balloons. I get a headache reading the titles. And you're like, yeah, I know, but they have action movies. I know, but I can't read it always, you understand? The dirigibles make me nauseous. Like he would just going back to the one porn that evidently had scarred him. That's not really porn. I was, look, there's not a whole lot of porn you can show me that makes me angry that you showed it to me. You know, most of the time say thanks for that little porn booster. Yeah, I was not happy about that porn either. All right, most uncomfortable moment. Kevin Smith. Yes, quite easily, quite easily. All right, Caller of the Year is where we go now. The nominees for Caller of the Year are. Sherry, the Death Row madam. Hello. You got the O.J. simpson book? Yes, I do. And you're selling it for $5? Yes. Did you read the book? I did read the book. And I'm also an author, I write books. And you sound wildly successful. Well, I am, I was. I had a very interesting life as a Hollywood insider. Uh huh. I wrote an autobiography called Death Row Madam Sex and Drugs in the Entertainment Industry. Uh huh. I was sentenced to four years in prison amongst the Manson murderers for having arranged a blind date. What? All right, well, this is much more interesting than the O.J. book. So let's talk, let's talk about this. I felt like I could relate to O.J. and Nicole's situation because I too was in an interracial marriage. I was married to a very famous pop star who was very abusive. So I was in a domestic domestic abuse type situation sometimes. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You were. All right, now first off, you were married to a famous black pop star. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And when you say his name, do you think any of us will know the name? It depends how old you are. Now, hold on. We gotta do something now. She said famous black pop star. And it doesn't matter how old we are because we all heard of Marvin Gaye, right? I'm going Ben Vereen. If it's Isaac Hayes, I'm gonna lose my mind. I'm gonna lose my mind too. Sherry. Yes. That man's name was Stevie Woods. Not so famous. What. What are his hits? Well, her in the Face is evidently one of. One of his greatest hits. John the Taboo 2 guitarist. I'm the guy. Guilty as charged. This is you. Yeah. I want to hear Gotta Get it on while you're talking. Go. Well, what you're gonna hear is my mother singing in the background. Oh, you had to. You had to do the Wall. Wallace Wall ago. You had to do the Wall of Sound, huh? Oh, irony. It is. It's ironic that. That he, you know, we did this. He says he needs these girl singers. Phil. Speculum spunker. Now what? So your mom is in the background yelling, gotta get it on, Gotta get it on. That's the voice that. When it says the. Ooh, baby, I wanna be. I want you coming and coming. And imagine you're 25 years old and. Did you tell your mom? Okay, all right, hold on. We gotta hear it. Oh, wait. Oh, do you feel that? Imagine, and we go to the premiere of this, and she's sitting two rows over with her boyfriend. I'm sitting with my girlfriend watching the premiere. The beer, by the way, intermission at the premieres when the guy runs out of quarters. And. John Stewart, great to speak to you once again. John, what's happening, brother? Listen, I. I just, you know, I was home and I either, you know, put my kids to bed or watch the State of the Union address. But then I thought, like, hey, what's going on with that Kevin Smith thing? And also, let's face it, you don't need to know any of that political stuff for your little show. I just wanted to call in and hear the deal point. I wanted to. John, I know this must. You must just. Riveting, John. Yeah, I know. It must just be like Gulliver's Travels for you. Just watching a little. Little cushions fight while you just stand there and urinate. I don't know anything about it. This baby doll just told me that he was coming on the show to talk about that stuff, so I had to call in and see what happened. All right. Let me just say this about the Taboo guy going to the premiere. Taboo 2 with your mom. If I see my mom barefoot, I'm weirded out. Too intimate. Yeah. Let's get some fucking slipper slide. Sweetie, this is way. I know I came over unannounced, but if you could. I'll wait in the car. You go ahead and get some mukluks on. We'll continue this conversation, pretend it never happens. No open toe. Shit. Yeah. Yeah. This is weird for me. I feel like I've crossed a boundary here. Going to the premiere of that with Mama. Yeah. God damn. All right. It's funny, though, considering that movie and the plot that we find this disgusting and very ironic, as Brian pointed out. And I love the soundtrack, though. It grows on you a little. All right, should we reveal the caller of the year? Oh, yeah, it's John Tabu. Shoe, Guitars, Whenever. Also when we had the crazy lady in the front. Sorry. Not Jon Stewart. When we. You know, when they do. I was married to a famous. You always know. The chances are you've never heard of famous. And the definition of famous is, you know, the name. You don't have to explain. Oh, he was right. When that explanation comes, then not famous after that. All right. Like, it's weird because There've probably been 500 astronauts, but there's only four famous ones. There's four ones, you know, so you can't say I was married to a famous astronaut. Even if astronaut is a famous job. We don't know who they are. So even then, you can't use famous. Even with astronauts. Just because you can Google someone does not mean they're famous. All right, now we have Best Rant Part three. This is Rutgers. I don't even remember this one. Our third nominee for Rant of the Year is Rutgers. Suicide and the Media Agenda. We're insane now. We're officially insane. We're so hungry for a story. This guy Clemente, he was depressed. He was clinically depressed. And he killed himself because he was clinically depressed. This guy Ravi really did almost next to nothing. And we need a scapegoat. And we cannot stop beating the shit out of ourselves as a society. We never stop with how racist we are and we never stop with how homophobic we are. This guy Ravi is as big a victim as anybody in this case because he's being fucking lynched for almost nothing. What actually happened is he got a weird, introverted gay roommate who was a weird dude and depressed. So he got. First thing he got was, oh, great. Secondly, the guy was bringing over. The dude he was bringing over wasn't his boyfriend. It was like older creepy dude who he like met on the Internet. So you're living in, you know, 400 square feet and when you're 18 and the 26 year old dude comes by, you don't want Thomas Jane from Boogie nights. When you're 18, like coming into your apartment and just sort of hanging out and your part, your partner going, you know, your roommate going, could you split for a while? You're like, shit man, I got all my stuff in there. So that was number one. Number two, he just turned on his computer to show the chick. He got exiled to a chicks, he had to go wait in a chick's dorm while they do it. He got sex out. He basically turned the computer on because he thought this guy may be a criminal. And he could turn his computer on mathematics remotely. And he turned it on and he wanted to see the dude, he wanted to show the dude to the chick he was staying with, like in case there was trouble. And he showed turn it on and they were making out and immediately turned it off. So there's no, there was no filming of it. It's all, there's no filming of any sex act and there's no like parties or anything like that. We completely strung this guy up. And as a society, and here's all I'm saying, don't tell me our media isn't leaning that way. Because how do you get people that far away from the truth if they don't want any part of the truth? You have to have them leaning that way in the first place. You're cooking up stuff and stuff that's become truth to us. Well what happened? Well, this guy filmed his roommate having sex. Then he had viewing parties, he spread it all over the Internet. He outed the guy and then the guy killed himself. Well, he never outed the guy. The guy was out to his parents, he was out to him. He told him I'm gay and he told his parents he was gay. None of the part about him being severely depressed. And by the way, you can't get someone to kill themselves, right? They kill themselves because they're severely depressed. You're missing a fucking message here. Which is why did this guy kill himself? Well, if the reason the guy killed himself is because he has a homophobic roommate, then there's no message sent to any other 18 year olds who are thinking about killing themselves. This is why we're so fucking stupid as a society and why the media does A horrible disservice to our side because we're so fucking hell bent on creating victims. And we're so hell bent on creating an environment that's homophobic and racist and sexist and has this crazy agenda. This guy, this guy Darun Ravi, they gave him a plea bargain like, well, just admit you hate gays and that's why you did this and then we'll get to move on. We're so fucked up as a society, we take the 18 year old who really didn't do anything and we accused you of doing something and go, oh, okay, I'll tell you what, I'm in a good mood. We won't lock. You should be working on your engineering degree, by the way. But I'll tell you what, we won't lock you up for nine years with hardcore felons if you just admit you hate gay people and that's why you did it. It's like you cook this story up, not him. Why should he have to fucking admit to something that they threw on his lap? So all right, now he won't admit it because he has a little something called dignity and he could be locked up or deported when they actually put them in the prison and they pick the prison up and off, let's see, squal and poor. Oh yeah. It's time to have your high five moment with High Five Casino. The top social casino where the action and real prizes never stop. Fun spins and big wins are right at your fingertips. With over a thousand games, including High Five Casino exclusives, High Five Casino is always free to play with free coins given out every four hours. Sign up today and get free welcome coins you can spin. For a chance at cash prizes, visit high5casino.com high5casino. No purchase NECESSARY. Void where prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. I'm just saying, look, we have little teachable moments here. And if we're going to skate past the teachable moments, what are we doing? We have opportunities to take tragedies and learn something. It's kind of the same with the nurse and the whole London hospital thing with everyone saying that she committed suicide because of the prank. It's like someone who's perfectly not going to commit suicide doesn't just do it from one incident. And what we need to do is approach these things. Like when an aircraft comes out of the sky, military or commercial, they fish it out of the ocean, they get the black box out of there and then they have a hangar where they literally piece the thing Back together. And you're like, this is costing millions of dollars. What are you doing? It's like we are trying to figure out why this plane came out of the sky. And it's like, well, the pilot's a bad guy, or the pilot was gay, or the pilot was black. He was being bullied. That's good. But that's not why this plane came out of the sky. And we don't want other planes to come out of the sky, so we're gonna piece it back together so no more planes come out of. Well, pilot was being bullied, or someone's an asshole. It's like, okay, that's all good. That's not gonna stop more planes from coming out of the sky. And that's your job. And that should be our job as a media and a society. So we have a dead teenager on our hands or a dead phone operator on our hands or whatever on our hands. Now we can point our finger at a guy, call him a bully, and all go away feeling good about ourselves, or we can try to figure out why the plane came down so that no more planes come down. All right, moving on. Best guest. This is exciting. And the nominees for best guest are. Patton Oswalt. At a certain point, you get on MTV or you get on whatever and you're traveling around and the pussy starts getting fired at you from an air can cannon. And you're not good at ducking. Am I right, Pat? I just. Being fired from an. You're. It is like how they test jet engines that. Like a drill. It's. No, it's like. It's like you. Here's. What was it? You are like a meth addict that has stolen the idea of poetry. And you're just doing. You're doing donuts with it in a parking lot, burning out all the gears, and they're just like, would you please give us poetry back? But pussy out of a cannon. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's. He threw a rod on that one. Captain Dale. Die. Combat. When you're in it, when you're looking at a guy's BDS eyeballs and it's you or him, that's an experience that really gets deep into your psyche. And it's not something you think can cough away or dream away or just sleep away. It stays with you forever. I mean, very few people are in extremists to that extent. Yeah. Do you feel like you have PTSD? Oh, I had it for 10 years. Badly. How did it manifest? Well, I. I couldn't talk to Civilians. I mean, I considered civilians generically to be a gaggle of pukes. And I like that. You know, they. They didn't have any idea what the real world was about. And, you know, all they did was put piss and moan about, you know, I'm tired and my ass aches. And, you know, I had no time for that. So I just wouldn't speak to him. Now, fortunately, I could hide. I was in the state, in the Marine Corps, so I didn't have to go out and face getting a job and doing what the kids are doing now. I just literally hid. And it took me about 10 years to shake it. Frank Stallone. I swear to God, I'm going down Santa Monica Boulevard. I got my headset on three years ago, and I turn right. You know where the new art. Know where the new art theater is? Yeah. So I make that corner, I think it's Sawtelle. And I swear to God, it's like 5:30 in the morning. And I see these little chickens, like bantam roosters, but they're small. I go, fuck, man. They're like eating like the one like your brother had to catch to be Gracie. Lightning fast thunder and crap lightning. Just chicken here. So anyway, yeah, I see it. I go, wow, man. You know, we had a farm growing up. I'm. This is awesome. But they're on the sidewalk and I go, wow. Hey, what's happening, man? I think. And the thing attacked me. Attacked my. Out of me. Yeah. Really? Because they can jump. And he went like, like, like and pecked me and scratched me. You birds are mean. Yes. They don't like human beings or any other thing that runs through. So next day. So I said, I'm going to shoot this tomorrow. So I had my.38 and I put snake shot in it. And I was going to come by in the morning, I was going to throw like a piece of bread down cap that. Because I went to the police station. I said, I just got attacked by a rooster. John Popper. It's the opposite of music. You don't need music. This is not music. Salvage it, John. This is the first time I've ever enjoyed, man. Either. This is family, man. Come on, buddy. I think I can do this solo from. From Long Train Running. Yeah, it's basically just a riffy Brothers. This is the worst song ever created. I heard it on the way here and I cringed my name. All right, And Michael Madsen. I'm good friends with Nick Nolte and usually comes by my house with the great big roll of Firecrackers. And I used to get stuff from American Soldier magazine or Soldier of Fortune magazine. They used to ups me fireworks. But, you know, now after 9, 11, I can't get them anymore. So. Hold on, I want to get into this for a second. Rockets and all kind of good stuff first, though. You can't do them anymore. Do you and Nick Noy have some sort of gravelly voice off? Jesus Christ. Manson hanging. Frank brought some firecrackers over here. God damn it if I'm gonna set them off whether you like it or not. God damn it. Here, you want to eat another cigarette? Give me a Marlboro. You've. Yeah, I need another one. I made a. I made a smoothie out of gravel, chewing it back on gravel. I was actually in Paris one time, and he usually comes around the 4th of July. Nolte. And my. Yeah, my wife calls me. She goes, michael. She goes, nick is here. I said, well, honey, you know, I'm not home. I'm in Paris, for Christ's sake. And she goes, I know, but, you know, he just came over, like, he does. He'll just show up. And so I said, put him on the phone. He's like, hey, Madsen, where the hell are you? What the are you doing? I heard you're over in Paris. And I'm with, yeah, I'm in Paris, Nick. He goes, oh, well, you'd mind if I hang around for a while? And I said, well, all right, Nick, if you'd like to. And so my wife gets back on the phone, and she goes, you know, he's sitting outside and he's wearing a dress. Wow. And I said, a dress? He goes, oh, no, it's not really a dress. It's like one of those wraparound things. And I said, put him back on the phone. So he. He's like, yeah. And I go, what the. I said, what are you wearing something strange? He goes, no, no, no. I got these in India, and I'm going to leave one for you. They're really great, you know, very comfortable, and I'll leave a few for you. And I said, okay, Vic, whatever. Wow, it's gonna be tough. My kids have joined us in the studio. Sunny. Natalia. Yeah. Yeah. Such hands. They announced they want to come in here and complain like daddy. I don't. Yeah, I have a good complaint. What is it? Let's hear it. It's about this change thing at the. I went to the zoo today, and I was. And I was going to get. I. My nanny gave me a $20 bill to get a bottle of water. And then, and then I got the change. And then, and then. And then I was like, my change. And then, and then, and then. And then I was like, see, it's my change. And then she stole it from me and put it in her pocket. Yeah, it's really hers because. Well. But no, first off, it's not hers, it's mine. Everything is daddy's number one. Number two. Yeah. Imagine how this is gonna go at the therapist Bill for seven. I'm damaged goods because I remember when my nanny gave me a 20 to go get a bottled water, and then she wouldn't let me pocket the change. I mean, I understand why we're here. How'd that feel? How'd that make it feel? Hold on. Before I answer that, hand me that tissue box, because you're gonna. I'm gonna open up the floodgates right now. When I realized that I couldn't pocket that $16, that's the same thing that happened to me today. Yeah. That's not your money, Sonny. You have to give the change back. That's not your money. You got the 20 to get the bottle of water if the chair back, and then you'll think that you're returning. So take the water and give a $20 bill. That's just a waste of my time. Natalia, is it true that when we went on a walk, you said you wanted to teach when you grow up, you wanted to teach kids how to ice skate? Well, and then I told you my time told you it wasn't going to pay any money. Yeah, and then I wanted to do the podcast. Then you said, let's do the podcast. You want to do comedy. And then I wanted to live like little guy, so I did. All right, all right, kids, now listen, you're cute, but that's cute to me. I don't know if you're cute to everyone else. It's my job to think you're cute, and I do think you're cute. What are you talking about? I think what we're going to do is we're going to unveil the best guess of 2012, and I will reveal it to everybody. Michael Madsen. Yeah, you can't go wrong with him. He was awesome. I say that's a waste of my time on that thing. All right, now, kids. Yeah. Oh, we got. Oh, yeah. Two drops. Yeah. All right. Should we take a break or do you want to do the previously awarded Mike, we'll bump out with the previously awarded package. Okay. We'll Bump out. We'll take a quick break. Bump out with that, we'll be right back. In a private ceremony held earlier, daytime ACE Awards were given out in the following categories for best children's song, Key and Peel. Everybody could be on your team. That sounds like a good kid song right there. Everybody's on your team. Even me. Even you. But I'm Asian American. That's okay. Everybody's on your team. Hold on. I'm in a wheelchair. That's okay. You're still on the team. Everybody's on the team. But I'm a girl. Oh, wait a minute. Hold on, wait a second. We gotta get a new team. Bang. Get in the pool, baby. We're wild on your ass. Best DVD commentary Adam and Huel Hauser for Showgirls. Well, thank you, Adam. I'm very excited to see a movie about some girls who put on a show. Yeah, you missed a very erratic scene there. What's happening in the movie now? Well, there's a black man and she's on his lap and she's gyrating and. They're kidding. They're kissing deeply. Oh, I've got the dry heat for most homoerotic argument. Adam and Greg Fitzen Dimmins, bring that over here, man. I'll skull your ass right the. I'll drop. I'll go. I forget about dry, man. I'll roll my in kitty litter and shove it right up your cornhole. Dude. I'll. I'll drop a load so rusty on your corner you'll need a goddamn tetanus shot. You and it was like, I'll club dance you into the corner and take my. My. My throbbing purple crown will destroy your onion skinned, dirty fucking red hulk. I will fucking pull your thong back to the fucking toward Mecca so I can find that fucking brown rose. And then I will go to work. You and I are gonna open in a Broadway show called Me Tearing Anal Tissue Apart. I am gonna prolapse Uranus so badly, I'm gonna have to use my sway best to mop up my sweat and your tears. You understand? You are gonna not be able to blink the cum from your eyes when I helicopter my balls around my own shaft while looking you in the eye for best duet. Adam and Debbie Gibson. Billy, don't be a hero. Don't be a fool with your life, everybody. Really don't be a hero. Come back and make me a wife. By the way, trying to harmonize. Yeah. Adam Carolla, for least accurate historical reference, don't yell at the president. What are you gonna do for me. There's a lot I don't feel like that existed. I mean, I thought Kennedy had the ask. Not what you can do, what I can do for you, but what the fuck you can do for yourself. I'm paraphrasing. And for worst, reenactment. Harper Valley PTA recording session. Hold on, let's ask the engineer. Stu, what's your last name, dude? Carl. Oh, you said last name. I said Stu. It's Stu. Carl, what's your last name? Hendershot. Stu. Hold on. Get the other engineer on. Carl. Carl, get on here. Dude, what's your last name? Thompson. Fuck. God damn it. This has been a wonderful reenactment, Josh. You didn't know where I was heading there, huh? Now I'm not really good at improv. No. And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew of the year. Dateline Nashville, Tennessee. After traveling to Nashville on a Greyhound bus, a 25 year old man committed 11 felonies in 10 hours. His offenses included carjacking a cab, buying food with a stolen credit card at Walmart, pistol whipping a bar patron, breaking into a slaughterhouse, stealing a cattle fraud and setting the slaughterhouse on fire, carjacking a second cab and breaking into a law office, removing the framed law degrees from the wall and defecating on them. Congratulations. You are 2012's definitely not a Jew of the Year. All right, back. First off, I want to thank all you guys for supporting the pirate ship and going through Amazon and clicking on the banner and doing all that stuff that you do to support the show and getting the Mangria, which I now have a nice tasty glass of. And speaking of delectable things, I want to thank Zeke's Smokehouse. Zeke's Smokehouse.com out here in Montrose, California brought us some beautiful barbecue. So we're going to enjoy that in a second. And four and 20 pies used to hang out there and eat breakfast on Sunday mornings back in the 80s. They brought us fantabulous pies. So we got some pie. They're out in Sherman Oaks 42020.com they brought us some beautiful pies. We got some beautiful barbecue and we got all that coming up at first rant. We get a second. This is the fourth, right? Yeah, this is the fourth in the rant department Again. Keep score at home. The fourth nominee for rant of the year is Black Graduation Rate. I saw this clip over the weekend and I was watching HLN and I think the network Dr. Drew's on and they did this whole thing about the Chicago teacher strike and they played a clip and they had a reporter there. Her name is Madeline, and I don't know how to make out her last name. She's a reporter. Now keep in mind she's reporting and she's gonna tell you what's going on with the teachers and the teachers unions and at some point she'll get into the urban community. Go ahead and play it. Chicago teachers union took a stand. They said, no, we are not going to be the scapegoats for public school education. Not when there are so many other factors that play into the performance of children, particularly in urban education education, poverty, crime, hunger, lack of social workers, etc, etc. Let's focus on the etc because that's the only fucking one that matters. You're a reporter, sweetie. You're supposed to get at the truth. You're supposed to claw at the truth. Hunger is not what's keeping the brother man down when it comes to graduating. And neither is violence, neither is poverty, and neither is lack of social workers. Because guess what, when you're doing well, you don't need social workers. The reason the black community and black men are not graduating is because the black communities come undone. The family unit has come undone. What makes a student is a mama and a daddy and an environment that's light on chaos and big on guidance and says things like, where's your homework? Did you do your homework? Who's your teacher? I want to meet your teacher. When do I get to meet your teacher? I want to to be involved with your academic life. That's what gets kids good grades, not excellent teachers. Yeah, that helps. But let's face it, it's a low paying gig. And you're not going to find a whole bunch of super smart, super motivated people to fill those roles. And there's many of them counselors, they're kind of like firemen, usually gay and trying to bang you. Well, that was yours, Ray, either listen or shut up. The point is this. The black community is suffering because the black family is suffering. And the black student is suffering because the black family is suffering. And it's not about hunger. I don't know that many black kids that are hungry. And I grew up poor, as you can get. And there was always food to find. Just fucking bum it if you have to, but you'll find it. Crime doesn't help, poverty doesn't help, but it doesn't stop you from learning the whole counselor thing. Counselors. In a world where there's two Counselors for every troubled kid. And you know, schools that are built like cathedrals and the best of the best teaching everything. Yeah, but we don't have that world and we're not gonna have that world. There's only one way to prevent this, and it's parents. And the only way to get at the problem is to focus on the cause of the problem. Admit there's a problem, address it as such. You being a reporter. A reporter are supposed to get at the truth. And if you were talking about malaria, you wouldn't be screaming, let's not blame the mosquitoes. It's gotta be something else. And you got the guy who's doing the Black Caucus over here and he's saying it's not their fault. This is the problem. This is the fault of the willful neglect of the federal, state and local elected. Whatever. All right, so let me say this, and let's just say it is willful neglect on the state and local and federal level. Do you think it's going to get any better? Because I would say it's not. If all you do is look at the government go, what the fuck's up? How come nothing's changed here? Why is the black man falling off? And the Jew and the Asian, why are they rising? Well, first off, do you think there's a conspiracy against the black man? And as I say all the time. You don't think we hate Jews? Take a look at the world, baby. Guess again. We had a little something called the Holocaust. Historically, we've not been wild fans of the Jews. Yet they graduate. You guys want to guess at the rate that the Jews graduate? High school? 97. Oh, 97, that's right. Look. Oh, whoa, who am I to talk about this? I'm a white guy. Well, look, who am I to fucking talk about anything? There's a problem. Are we not allowed to talk about problems because you don't share the same skin color? Powerful, powerful words. All right, I'd go off about myself for a while, but we don't have time. We're moving on to best Live read. The nominees for best Live read are. David Allen Greer for GoDaddy. I got all my domain names through GoDaddy. I'm a committed customer for years. Why does that say no curses during the goddamn ass licking live leads reads. All right, go ahead. I'm not gonna curse. All right, all right, all right. You maybe website for fan blogs. Fancy law. You have to use so many cuss words even for your kids. You start with the domain godamn. It. God damn it. Domain name. Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy. Go yourself. Get your dot com domain for only 7.49. Go lick my nuts. Enter the. Enter the promo code Adam7. That's Adam7. And the number 7@Godaddy.com. get a great deal. Go, Daddy Booty. God damn it. Godaddy.com. that's why I wanted the kids to take their headphones. Chris Elliott for Lending Tree. Little love to one of our sponsors. Oh. Oh, this would be nice. Yeah. Okay, but we'll. And I'm supposed to be quiet while you do it. Yeah. Okay. No, you jump. No, you can jump in. I can jump right in. Yeah. Lending Treasure and Arsenio hall for go to meeting. I've been to the mountains. They got HD faces up there. They're golden. Meeting. Ah, not go to conference. Ah, not go to group setting. Ah, not go to a hall with a bunch of strangers or the mountain. Ah, it's called the meeting. Go to the meeting. Go to the meeting. I've been to the meeting. Meeting. Yes. Try go to meeting. Free. Preach Adam 30 days. Preach Adam not 29. How long Adam not 31. How long, Adam 30 days on the mountain. You know how many hours that is? Lord God, I don't know. I got a goddamn calculator. Sorry for using the Lord's name now. Only if you use promo code app. That ain't Alan. That ain't Antonio. That's happening. Oh, happy lot of fun. All right. Best live read goes to. Dag David Alan Greer. Such a ball of talent. A profanity. A ball of profanity and talent. But it does really. You know, maybe this is just a Mangria talking, but you go back and listen to stuff and you go. You'd never get to do this anywhere else. I mean, there's no. You'd never be allowed to. You couldn't do this on terrestrial radio. You couldn't do it anywhere else. And it's just. It's amazing that all these amazing talents come in and participate in this sort of freeform art form, which I just. I just love. All right. Best one on one. I don't even know what that is. We're gonna find out. Confounding to me, the nominees for best one on one interview. Wyclef Jean. My father left me in Haiti. I was born in a hut, like straight up in a hut. Used to take a donkey to school. Wow. Yeah. Water takes three miles. If you ever see the setting of the story. Slumdog Millionaire, the Beginning of that movie. That's sort of like how the hut looked beyond the donkey. In the book, I talk about the fact that me and my brother ate red dirt from the floor. And my brother, a lawyer today in California. Really? What is red dirt? Is it dirt with blood in it? What is it? It's like this, you know, in the book we call it like a mineral dirt, but it's literally like sometime as a kid in the village, you know, you feel like you don't got nothing to eat. Right. And you're so hungry, you literally would take the dirt from the floor and eat it just to feel something in your belly, just to feel something in your stomach. So. So that was the extreme right of 1 to 9. My grandfather was a voodoo priests in Haiti. Like so makes sense. One out of every two grandfathers is right. Your grandfather's a voodoo. Oh, my grandma. Who's. Wait, whose grandfather is not a voodoo priest? Nobody. Wow. Okay, Judd Apatow. Do you feel like you can change funny fundamentally who you are or who, who you were or, you know, this sort of nature nurture argument and then at a certain point nurture yourself, not your parents nurturing you. But how different can you be? And is there time to change? And how different do you feel? I am shocked that I feel exactly the same way I felt when I was 13 years old. And I can't shake it. And it's, it's, you know, I really feel like you're wired in certain years of your life to be insecure or nervous, you know, just to react a certain way in certain situations. And I have spent my whole life reading so much self help, going to so much therapy. But you know, if I turn to walk out that door and you tap me on my shoulder, I probably would flinch. Right. More than was appropriate for knowing who's in the room. Sure. And. And my level of insecurity does not change, regardless of how well things are going. And Bill Maher, I tell people all the time. I really do. I really do wish I believed. I don't believe. And people ask me why I don't believe, and it's not. Yeah, I wish a lot of things. I wish I had ice cream night. Right. I wish air was like marijuana, you know, but it's not. And you know, it's, it's just, it's just at a certain look, when you're younger, I understand when you get to be a grown ass person, it's just ridiculous at some point to take your morals from a, from a desert dweller. 3,000 years ago. I mean, the idea that women can't have contraception in the year 2012 in America because somebody wrote in the book of Genesis about how you're not supposed to spill your seed. Right? It's. It's just ridiculous. I mean, at this point in our history, at this point in man's evolution, and we've still got a long way to go, but, you know, we have crawled out of the intellectual slime. We are in the age of science and rationality. We are not 3,000 years ago, where people was understandable and forgivable, that they made up stories about gods and how we got here and all that well. But it's not forgivable anymore because now we have better means. We have carbon dating. I always be a funny online dating website for senior citizens. I'm laughing too hard at my own joke. But they have J dates. Oh, I see. And they have, like, you know, carbon carbon dating. Oh, I get it. This would be for the. For the senior who still wants to get out there, log on to carbon dating dot com. It's sinking in now. Right Again. Such a privilege to talk to so many interesting people. Bill Maher's one of these guys where it's like, just when you hate him, you love him. Just when you love him, you hate him. But that's why you need him, right? Another honorable mention. Just under the wire didn't make it. Jeff Lynn from ELO would have been a. Jeff Lynn was strong contender. Amazing. And I want to thank David Wilde for booking all these amazing, amazing talents. Because you just don't hear. I've known about ELO and Traveling Wilbury's and all that kind of stuff. I never heard the guy sit down and speak at any length. I've never seen him on a talk show. I just. I didn't know anything about this genius named Jeff Lynn. I knew what he did. I just didn't know his story. So kudos to David Wilde for booking all those great people. All right, let's find out. Best one on one. Wycliffe Jean. Yeah, he was great. I mean, his. And his story's great. It is this country story. Him and his brother rode a donkey and ate dirt, and now his brother's an attorney and he's him. So that's why this country is better than most. Kids keep coming in here and bugging me. Eat up, baby. Eat up. Natalia. All right, we're going back to the previously awarded category, part 2. At the technical and Creative Arts Aces held earlier this year, awards were given out in the following categories. For whitest Black guy, Donald Faison. I'm a huge Star wars fan. Are you a Star Trek fan? Is that why you're on? You're that nerd? I'm not nerdy enough to know that you can't be both. Are you guys the Hatfields and the Nerd Koi's? No. What is that? I've never even heard of that. What I'm saying is, can you. I'm not a Star Trek fan. Big Star wars fan as well. But yes, I know you're saying they do not often intersect. The Star wars fans hate Star Trek fans and vice versa. But you like Star Trek, though. You know what I mean? You don't love Star Trek. You get out of here. You don't like Star Trek. Shits are nerds. Rap the Con was on. Rap the Con was on. That's a great one. All right, well, hold up. For Blackest White Guy, Billy Vera. My friend of mine, produced an album. Nobody Home, Homeboy of Mine, Best acoustic performance, Josh Gardner, Saskatoon and Yellow Knife. Just Ain't my kinds of Towns and Moose Jaw Sounds like a girl I used to know but only Regina will never let me down Regina looks and smells as pretty as she sounds okay. S. I love Regina. I love Regina. I love Regina. Saskatchewan. I love Regina. I love Regina. I love Regina. Whoa, Saskatchewan. For best interruption, a tie. Dr. Drew. For personal and business documents that have been accepted in courts and government agencies in all 50 states. You can trust. I thought we were. What the hell they do living wills. Dr. Drew and Ray. It was a great babysitting gig because I got a whole dollar an hour and the kid was asleep half the time when I got there. Like, they put the kid to sleep at a. At 7. I'd show up at 7:30, like, he's just asleep. And I just watched a fucking Love Boat, Fancy island and fucking Dantana. Someone's killing Showgirl. TV or Z Channel. Remember they had that shit now? This predates that. We didn't have that. Why are you interrupting me? Right? Do you ever watch any. Any cable TV over there? I'm just being fired. You didn't watch it? No, we watched. Okay, Just go ahead. I'm painting a picture here. You quicker. Talking about we didn't have on. Oh, yeah. Remember the massaging recliners we had Go, Go, Go. No, we didn't have them. We had ABC Friday night lineup. We did not have ZT TV or on tv. That was years later. Young for best Animal Sound. Harland Williams. I'LL do a mammal if you want. Okay, I'll do a koala. Oh, okay. All right. Can we graduate to mammals? Cue me to do it then. Should I interview you? Yes. All right, but just a quick, like, one minute, 40 second interview. Hi, Mr. Koala. Is that. What do you guys eat? Eucalyptus leaves? You can't laugh at him. He's sensing. No, I'm sorry. Sorry, Ms. Koala. What's going on? Best social program I. Hey, I like the scared straight, even for the gays. Guys, you want some dude who's not properly lubed going in your. I tell you, too punk. Now stand back. Take those glasses. Take those glasses off. I gotta drop a load on your cornea. That's right. You'll be begging for by the time I'm done with you. Now suck my car. Best fill in pianist Chris Maxabata as best Ben Folds. Ben Folds joining us in studio. Yeah, Ben got some kind of food poisoning, couldn't make it in. And we'd set up the keyboards and done all this work. It was like we're fucking having keyboards in this. So Chris Maxpata is sitting there. He's on top of the keyboards. Chris traveled this land in a school bus that had been hollowed out for homoeroticism. Right? Yeah. How did that. How did that go? And how old were you? I was 19 or 20. Could you play the piano while you talk, please? Yeah, Yeah, I was 19 or 20 and some friends of mine wanted to go on a road trip, so we saw some school bus and decided to buy it. How about leaving the jokes to Adam? Well, nothing's funny so far. And the David Wild award for excellence in name dropping went to Adam Carolla. I was at Jimmy's big party, and this party had George Clooney, Al Michaels, Sandra Bullock, David and Courtney. Garry Shandling was there. Ellen and her wife Portia. Jessica Alba, John Favreau, Johnny Knoxville. I told my wife to write this down to start. Start. Write this stuff down. Explains to the handwriting, Julian Barbary. Yeah. Mark McGrath, Joel McHale, Mike Judge, John Stamos. Did I say Ellen Pompeii? Did I say Dax Shepard? Always good to see Chris. Justin Bell, J.J. abrams there. Jeff Probst. Always talked to him for a long time. Oh, and of course, Howard Stern. Yeah. Louis CK Was there. Will Arnett was there. Oh, Andy Richter was there. I love the awards. Named after David Wilde. He'll be missed. Yeah, right. Remember when we were doing the roller boogie Skate nights and you came up behind Louis CK who just taken his Shirt off because he was so sweaty. And you grabbed his man titties from behind. Hold on one second. Louis C.K. and Jeff Ross look like clones from behind. Yeah, except for Louis CK is 5 inches taller and 40 pounds heavier. Not when you're into it with 17 beers. So Louis CK had a shirt off like, he wasn't wearing an undershirt. He was shirtless. And Ray came up behind him and grabbed, like, his man titties and did, like, a weird jiggle squeeze move, like he was milking him. Yeah, And Louis CK turned around and said, what do you. Ray, what the fuck are you doing? Something along the line, he thought it must be some. It must be Jordan Rubin. Must be somebody he knows. And it was a stranger. That's a weird thing to happen when your shirt is off at a skating rink for man or woman. Yes, I agree. In a weird way. Even weirder for a dude. All right. Thank you, Ray. We're friends now, though. Who? You and Louis ck? Yeah, why not? Oh, please. Best rant. This is number five. And this is our last one in the rant department, so go ahead and pick your favorite. Our final nominee for Rant of the Year is terrorists. Let me explain something to the terrorists. We don't live in a piece of shit country like you hail from where you blow up one outhouse. You blow up one fucking outhouse, and the whole country's not right for the next year. We got thousands of outhouses here. Take down the Trade Centers, we're up and running a week later. You can't us up. We're too big. We're too powerful. Stop thinking like you think you think. Hey, if we just take down that one sporting goods store in the middle of town, the town will go hungry and be up for the next hundred years we have spread out all over the place. You cannot us up. You can take down two twin Trade Centers and we'll shed a few tears, but, like, life goes on. It's not like. It's not like our credit cards didn't work the next day. We have. We have brains. We have. We don't pray to Allah five times a day. We go to work. We have books. We have letters and math equations. We have science. We don't throw acid on women who are trying to learn to read. We don't have honor killings. We live in a civil society, and thus we have an infrastructure. So you blowing up one bridge, are you taking out part of the Pentagon, Are you taking down a couple of twin Towers? Whatever it is you want to take it out. Have fun. We got another one waiting for your ass. And get ready for the predator drones. Thank you, dicks. Interesting, because I really do think. I think everyone thinks how you think and applies it to their think. And it's this thing of. In a way, I think they overestimate the importance of things like you take down the World Trade center and that'll be the end of their financial future. Like they'll be in chaos financially. They're not thinking outside of the sandbox. You gotta think outside the sandbox. That is exactly right. All right, now, Song of the year. Excited about this one? The nominees for song of the year are. He's in there shitting. Someone's in the bathroom. Can only be one man. He's the one who's always in there demolishing the can. Pants around his ankles, stinking up the place. Buys his TP at Costco, needs it by the case. Bundleer is on the crabber. You can hear him through the door. Don't go in after. He's in there shitting. He's in there shitting of the coma. That Jefferson airship. The David Wilde DRO song. Yeah. We're sitting here with David Wild, not much taller than a 10 year old child. Not the best looking guy in the place. Gallagher's hair, DeVito's face makes his pages for the Rolling Stone. A brilliant writer, the evidence shows. Writing books is also part of his game. If you hear a loud thud, he's just dropping names. Yeah. We're sitting here with David Wilde. And in lasagna, when she closes her eyes, she gets raped by a guy in lasagna by a big hairy man in a big greasy pound of of lasagna. In her dream she will try to scream, hey, get off of me, you fat sweaty fellow. And he'll say, I will have my way. And what I just sprayed, that was not mozzarella. In a dream she gets screwed in Garfield's face. Favorite food, it's lasagna violating in cheese, pasta, red sauce and meat. It's a cry. She's just helpless asleep while he's going balls deep in vagina. Too bad she could not flee rape by oh, the great Mike lynch and of course Dick Banks for putting that together. Wow, some heavyweights in there. Smart, funny stuff. Hard to pick a winner there. I know where my money is, but I want to see what the judges has. All right, let's see what we got. He's in there. It is just an a joyful song. It really is ebulent. Yes, I Feel I was robbed, but it's ebulent. Yeah. Lasagna's gonna go down in history of snubs. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah. I'm a real Susan Lucci. Yeah. I was thinking more Goodfellas or Raging Bull. Exactly. Right. It's even bigger than that. Yeah. Allison made some reference to a dream about having sex and something with lasagna. Just for the context. Yeah. When I was 13, I had a nightmare that I was raped in a trailer. Lasagna. I don't know how that could be anything but a sweet, sweet, savory dream. Well, it's a cliche for a reason. All right. I went to grab Fondelier to accept the award, but he was in the can. Best drop from a guest. I'm looking forward to this one. The nominees for Best drop from a guest are. Dagger. Oh, my God. Look at me. Oh, my God. Oh, my. Oh, God. Oh, Sonny Corolla. It's just a waste of my time. Dr. Bruce, irrespective. Joe Walsh. Walsh. We do in the news. And Larry Miller, frothy mug of donkey sperm. All right, now. Wow, that is tough. That is tough. I know what my favorites are. Deep category. Yeah, it's tough now. Sonny's back in studio. What a life. All right, best drop from a guest. Oh, it's just sunny. You do it. Do your. That's a waste of my time. A variation. Yeah, Sonny, excellent work. Let's try it. Because when Daddy does voiceover work, he says they go, give me three different takes. Give me three different versions. Okay, so you do a Just. It's just a waste of my time. You do a fast one, a slow one, like a confused one, a sad one. I mean, give me three different. It's just a waste of my times. Into the microphone. Here we go. That's a waste of my time. All right, Good question Mark. That's a waste of my time. Yeah. Yeah. One more. That's a waste of my time. Wow. Kids got rage. Six years old. Yeah. I do mine. What is rage? Me. That's a good point. It's a good point. You're good at. You have. You're. You're. You're good at a lot of different things. It says the Adam Carolla Show. That's right there. That's right. That's right. You're Sonny Carolla. All right, Natalia, you want to do your drop? Go ahead. Just two. Just two. Daddy, stop talking. Daddy's still talking. I know. Give me. Give me three different. Daddy, stop Talking. Daddy, stop talking. Okay, Daddy stop talking. Okay, good. Daddy's lucky. Yeah, that's two and a half. Can I do the other one? What's your other one? Okay, go ahead. Good. All right, Gary, get him out of here. All right, let's bring it home. Now this is a best drop from Allison. And the nominees for best drop from Alison Rosen are. Take them teeth out when you sucking my dick, ho. I'm disgusted by gay sex. No, I love when you finger me in the doorway. Lick my tight asshole. Blah, blah. My money's on take my teeth out. But let's see. Best drop from Alison Rosen. Guitar sound. Everyone's in love with the guitar. Yeah. The ringtone, everybody. All right, let's do finally Best drop this. Best drop from moi. And the nominees for best drop from Adam Carolla are. What if Hitler had mad MMA skills? Paul, Brian's writer buddy. I own my own McDonald's in the neighborhood. Well, before we reveal the winner and best drop from me, I want to thank you all for listening and again, 2012. Once again, Mike Lynch. Dawson. Mike Dawson. Maxhard. Gary. Unbelievable work on this. I mean, all the hours. And speaking of the hours, if you want to check out any of these previous viewed or listened to episodes, you can go to our archive@adamcarolla.com archive. Okay. The winner for best drop by me is. McDonald's. Yeah, I miss those old urban McDonald's commercials. I want to thank you all for making it a fantastic year. I want you to want to thank you in advance for listening in 2013 and telling a friend and. Huh. The rant of the year. The rant of the year. Oh, we still the big award. We don't have the rant of the year. I smell barbecue. Here we go. I do too. Me too. Let's do it. Do we have it? Do you guys know it? Rant of the year. See what it is. Chicken shit tickets. That was my favorite. I don't disappoint. Look forward to the Same one in 2013 and beyond. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Alison Rosen, Bald Brian and moi saying mahalo. The ACE Awards produced by Mike lynch and Mike Dawson, associate producers Chris Loxamana and Gary Smith. Special thanks to Matt the Porcelain, Punisher Fondelier and song master Rich Banks. Thanks to the entire staff for an incredible 2012. And stay tuned for exciting updates in 2013. All right, that was 2012 ACE Awards. Lots of momentous stuff happened. So much that's even hard to keep track of, even for me. The drops alone. The stuff happened during guest appearances and how young Sonny, Natalia were during the recording of the ACE Awards itself. All right. Come up next, we have Adam Pearl Show 1232 once again featuring Sonny, Natalia, Allison and Brian. This one was recorded on 12 19, 2013 and aired the following day, 12 20, 2013. This is the sixth annual ACE Awards. Hope you guys enjoy. Oh, oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescenta renting a house, keeping that Isuzu trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in stock either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry if you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of car. Need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well. Get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts, one stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car in store online, you can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam from Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California. It's the 2013 ACE Awards honoring the best of the Adam Corolla show this year featuring trophy girl Allison Rosenberg and seat filler Brian Bishop. And now your host for this evening's ceremonies, Adam Carolla. Oh, thank you very much. So excited. Special shout out to Dawson and Gary and Mike lynch and all the folks that made this possible. We never hear this before. Well, we were there when much of it was going down, but we never know what the selections were. So always kind of exciting and I forget about shit that took place 10 months ago. Anyway, I don't want to speak for you guys, but favorite show of the year. I enjoy this most. Absolutely. And why is this more satisfying than, remember clip shows on tv, There was always the worst. It's like a clip show. This is a. This is my favorite. It's highly curated. I really do. Yes, it is. I really do enjoy it. I brought my kids here tonight. We're gonna have a little party afterward, a little bit of business. Us, Long beach sold out. Well, that's what Mike August said last night, but why not just carry this shit in to 2055? No, I got an email this morning that they fucked up and didn't release all the tickets. So there's 100 more tickets left as of this morning or yesterday morning when you're hearing this. All right, so last few available. Anyway, listen, I just. All I do is listen to people and then act accordingly. But when they don't tell me things, then I have no way of knowing. And then there's a lot of that in my life. Alison experienced a nice exchange with me, Mike August, in a car. Boy, did I. For a good 20 minutes. Where I didn't know where to. I didn't know what to do because I was sitting in the back and directly in front of me to my left is the guy who's my boss, and then in front of me to the right is the guy who kind of writes the checks. So. But I did agree with you. You did experience my pain, though. Oh, yeah. How I carry on. I went in the green room too, by the way. So I carry on. But there was also a good moment in the green room. I carefully craft what I say. So that's pretty well laid out. And then somebody says the opposite and then I say exactly the same thing again. And then they say the opposite again. It was actually many hours of thinking, oh my God, maybe you actually are right all the time. Well, you heard me in action with a. And then I heard a lot of stories about stuff where I thought you were right with an intelligent, educated person attempting to explain to them. And anyway, that was Mike and I at a rest. Yeah, we had a few of those yesterday. Oh, the one in the green room was the 9:00. Show started at 9:30. And every conversation I have with Mike August goes like this. 9:30. I heard 9. Nope, 9:30. I'm pretty sure it was always 9. Ticket website says 9:30. Well, Gary always said 9. The screen said 9. I would say 9. I can go on the ticket website right now and tell you, but 7 and 9 is what I heard. I could literally call it up right now. I'll go online right now and show you. Better yet, he'd say, let me go to our website and I'll show you. Well, it says 7 and 9. Yeah, but what is the ticket? What do you know? Let's go check out the ticket website. That's where people, you know, people are buying it there. That's what's gonna be my problem in life is this. I respect other individuals. That's really my downfall. And when somebody has a law degree and an mba, I just assume that when they're saying something with a great deal of certitude that there's something that I'm missing because I have so much to balance. I have so much information, so many call times and so much going on. And the person's looking in the eye and going, I booked the show. I'm telling you what time it was. That's very certain. I don't know how somebody. It's a gift. How somebody can be so certain about something that doesn't exist. We gotta get this guy going after the Chupacabra and the Loch Ness monster. Yes. Anyway, that was our second one. Either way. Chicago, Buffalo, Las Vegas, me doing some stand up in Detroit, Mangria back and in full swing. So if those of you want to take partake in that, that would be lovely. Our book Tom Twitter campaign is working very nicely. You can just go to. Well, actually, you can retweet our little sizzle reel. You can check it out on YouTube if you want. And where do you go? What is the thing up there? Go to retweet my. You can just go to Adam's Twitter feed. And we've been tweeting the sizzle reel out. So just go to Adam's Twitter feed and scroll down and retweet that one. All right. Go retweet. That's what screwed me up. All right. Anyway, it's cool little sizzle reel. And we'd appreciate it. Also last minute Christmas shopping, of course. Go to our website, click through Amazon and all that good stuff. Now, what are we calling these things? ACE Awards. ACE Awards. The ACE Awards. First category, best reenactment. The nominees for best reenactment are Gay gay henchmen. What about the rare gay henchman who's been sitting on the secret for a long time? You know what I mean? Yeah, it'd be like a great Ferdinand the Bull style. Like he just. He just won't rape and he'd have to make Excuses. Like, he'd be like, oh, man, I'm all raped out. I'm all tired from raping. I'm all chafed and tired for you. Go ahead, Stu. Brad, you and I can't get enough rape. You know me. I'm like, Mr. R.A. he is so lucky I didn't spend a long weekend raping. Otherwise I'd be on that. You know, I tapped that, but I pulled. Pulled my groin pretty good. I mean, so you make fun of it, but I was so have raping women. Yeah. I was raping so hard, you know, yesterday. Yeah. I just. I pulled a muscle. But you know what? You guys go ahead and rape without me. I'll be. Go on without me. I'll just hit clean up in the rape department. Just gun rape away. Frank, you mind if I stare at your ass in the back of your ball sack while you're raping just to pick up some rape tips? Just. Just end up. Just spot. I'm just spotting you just spotting. For a guy who talks a good rape game, you don't do a lot. I was just. You know what? I just. I'll just cup your nuts here, take a little pendulous weight off there, let you get your rape on just a little bit better. For a guy who talks a good rape game, I've not seen you do a lot of raping. I've heard you talk about raping a lot. A lot. Yeah, I know. You, I believe, saw the Colt roundup counter hang my. My Henchman locker, and I had a lot of questions about that. A lot of questions about it. Well, first off, I don't look at the nude pictures of the dudes. I just look at the actual dates. And a calendar's a calendar to me, number one. Number two, the whole ball cupping thing, that is that I'm helping you rape. You understand? This is like. Look, you know, when we go to the gym. Yeah. And occasionally I spot you while you're doing bench press. And sometimes my balls fall in your mouth. That's not gay. I'm spotting you. You understand, individually, you're making a good. A good case for each one of these things. But you have to realize all together, okay, you can make a case. I will occasionally have sex with a dude. Why? Who's harder to rape than a dude? I'm just getting. I'm building the same. I'm honing my boning and raping skills on a dude now. I mean, like, if you're. Here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'M saying if you're middleweight, you should be sparring with light heavyweights and cruiserweights. Those guys are bigger than you. They pack a bigger punch. That's in order to get in shape for the guy who's it. So my thing is I rape dudes in order to build up my rape stamina so that this 120 pound chick does nothing. It's a fucking rape in the park. Throwing stars, drunk stars. Never not worked in a movie. Yeah, but in real life, what's the think? It has a much lower batting average in real life. I don't think I've ever even seen one. Throwing stars. Yeah, you never do those. Are those. Yeah, in the movie. I mean in real life. Bruce Lee films and they work every time. It gets the guy right in the eye. And it's the lowest percentage throw there is the knife thrower, the throwing star. It takes the guard and by the way, yet to take the guard out silently. And let me tell you what I would sound like if I got hit with a throwing star. What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh. Oh, my shoulder. Oh, God damn, am I pissed. Who the fuck did this? Where's my alarm? I'm gonna sh. Oh, that's what it would sound like. It would not be. Then I'd hit the ground, there'd be a lot of pissing and moaning. Mostly pissing and moaning. Moaning without the star. The kind of animal would do this to somebody. Oh, Steve, come here. I'm a rental cop. God damn. Oh. Just had this uniform clean. Just had it pressed. Just got it back from the. God damn it. There's another throwing star hole. I am sounding the alarm so loud on your ass and I am shooting you when I find you. It would be the exact opposite of what you're trying to attempt with the growing star and butt plug connoisseur. You work your way up like, you know, like, like, like graduated, you know, butt plugs. Not that I know a lot about that business. I know fair bits. I think you know a little bit. I don't. Well, I know. Obviously I know the loose side crap graduated butt plug business. But I wouldn't know, you know, other compounds. These are not terms the average person would know. Especially about butt plugs. Look, the fact that the average butt plugs is 77 millimeters tall and weighs 3.2 ounces is the kind of thing that I do feel like most people know. I. I consider myself pretty well read. And I don't. I don't know that I've never encountered that Information I didn't even know what. I don't even know what they're made out of. I don't sit around and talk about the circumference of the average butt plug. 41.2. You just did millimeters. That would obviously be. Well, actually, that's the width, circumference. If you want to just talk about the circumference. That's 72.22 millimeters, which is roughly 2 and 13, 16. You. They're making up these numbers with remarkable. I took geometry. Never, never learned that I'm not some kind of fucking weird butt plug fan. Yeah, I got a couple rolled around my car, but that's no big deal. Several of them came with the car. Yes, I supplemented, you know, the original. I just bought a car and I did not receive a butt plug option. Should I go back to the dealer? Okay, now, you know what? First off, this is comical that you guys are accusing me of being a fan of butt plug. You just seem. You seem to know a lot. Seem versed. Maybe there was a butt plug or nine in the glove box when I got the car. Or maybe I put them there. I don't know. Can I just be the first to say that your story of why you're not really into butt plugs that you just told us really checks out and really holds water? And I would like to be first to apologize. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I've never heard. Like I'm going to go, what butt plug? What is the. What are those two words put together? I've never heard of that. Now, I'm not going sit here and do that. Yes, I've heard of butt plugs. Yes, I have a membership and a butt Plug of the month club. Yes, I own a chain of stores throughout the United States. It sells butt plugs. Yes, I have many of the molds of the prototypes that have been brought over from parts of Asia that I use to make my own butt plugs. Yes, as you can find me oftentimes in the Butt Plug Museum, which is in Rochester, Minnesota, by the way, not New York. Yes, you can find me as a curator at the Butt Plug. Yes, I admit to all that. But my in Dubai plugs, hardly. So you're a home plugger. That's right. NC Powerful stuff. And the winner is Gay Henchman. Oh, wow. Oh, we thought the butt plug curator would be. Allison was having a hard time there with butt plug that I think the gay. I don't know how the academy's gonna Vote. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's why you have to do the awards. All right, Dawson. Bunch of old white guys. Yeah. Yeah. They're out of it. Let's keep pushing on next most uncomfortable moment. This is always my favorite. Me, too. And the number Japanese for most uncomfortable moment are Sunny and the money. Sunny. Hi, dad. Hi, Sunny. The other day when you came to the shop with Daddy. Yeah. And Daddy was counting his money on the table. Yeah. Daddy's missing some of his money, and I know that you took some of that money, and Daddy needs it back. Okay, I take it. Don't lie to Daddy, Sonny. Dad, I'm not. Daddy's missing money from the table, and Daddy needs it back. Wait, I have a question for you. Yes? Know when you put the money in the white thing? Yeah. Did you look in there? Did I look in there? The white envelope? Yes. Yeah, I'm missing that. Sunny, did you look on the other place where you took all the other money? I looked all over, and I think maybe by mistake, you may have taken it with you. So I need you to find it for me. Okay, I'll try to find him. I don't think I took it. I'm raising a thief. Or Olga is in my time now. Daddy's angry. I want that money back. Do you understand me? Yes. All right, now you go find it. Where is it? Go find it right now. Okay, I'll try to find it. Where did you hide it? I didn't hide it, dad. Go find it. Give it to Mommy. Go find it. Go find that envelope and give it to Mommy. Okay. Count it first. Count it, then give it to Mommy. Eyes are tearing up. Well, listen, Mommy, I think. Tell him to find it. All right? I. I don't know. Greatest moment in podcast history. Elliot Gould interview. Elliot, what do you think of this? How do you feel? How's your health talking to the mic? My health is fine, thank you. Good. Yeah. You? Good. The water was not open, so nothing spilled. Yes, I know. Would you like some water? No, thank you. Would you like some Mangria? I'll try it. You'll try Mangria? That's scary. We got to get him out of a shell, by the way. Do you think I'm in a shell? Yeah. You're wrong. Oh, really? I'm out of the show. Oh, you're out. Oh, this is you out? It's me. Yeah. Wow. I've seen you be so dynamic. I'm an actor. Oh, that's it. That's. But what. What now? That's a good Point here. Let's talk about this acting for. For a moment. You want to talk some. Some more? Yeah, Even more than this. Yeah. Did you watch the Oscars? Yes. And I noticed that a lot of the actors didn't seem to want to go to rehearsal. I don't know about rehearsal. Oh, you mean when they were dancing? No, when. Not. Well, when they were dancing a little bit, but when they do the Oscars, they go, hey, could you come out on Thursday. Thursday. And do, like, a rehearsal where you read the teleprompter and do that? All the actors just go. The presenters. Yeah, I don't know that that's true. I've done the awards several times. Oh, let's talk about that. We just did. Okay, it's over. This is excellent for the people that are just listening in their cars right now. Biracial couple kicked out of the Ventura Comedy Club. That's kind of okay. I will give you half your money back if you shut the up. Wow. All right, all right, everyone just relax. Sit down. Just relax. Have a good time. You paid to be here, but so did these other people, and you're stopping them from having a good time. That's what I'm saying. So just be quiet so we can all have a good time. All right, listen, everyone. Everyone can stay. Just shut up and let's continue on with what we loosely call a show. All right, all right, hold on. Listen, drunken boyfriend. Relax. Okay, listen, everybody sit down. Sit down and relax, and we'll continue the show. That's how it'll work. That's how. Okay, listen, you're giving. You're giving booze a badder name. All right, all right, hold on. You want to continue now? What was your personal story? You want me to. Shall I go on? Listen, listen. Your boyfriend, I think, is the one that's causing the problem. Yeah, I don't. I don't care if you stay. Your boyfriend was not able to maintain himself, but thank you. All right. See how no one was. Yeah. What, you drive out here tonight so I can tell them which car to vandalize. Adam introduces Rachel Yucatel. Good to speak to you, Rachel. You too. How are you, Adam? I'm doing well. How are you doing? I'm doing great, thanks. Boy. Let's see. Rachel was a baby. Yeah, Rachel was all over the place about three years, four years ago. Is that the whole. Whole. The whole thing blew up. What year was the whole Spitzer thing and that whole mess. Did I get the wrong one? Oh, wrong one. Sorry. You're The Tiger Woods. Sorry. Tiger Woods. I'll listen. I got my. I, I listen. I don't know. I don't know what to call you. I don't know if it's offensive or not, but I, I got my. I got my girls mixed up. Sorry. You're the Tiger woods, not Elliot Spitzer. Well, she was a call. She was a call girl. Rachel was a girlfriend. Girlfriend. Well, allegedly. Let's, let's move on. Right, right. Sorry. Sorry for that. Super insulting. Beginning to this interview and Adam versus Gavin Newsom. You need to have a network, a community, friends, family members, money put away. But think about don't have the kids. Half of African Americans in the state of California, roughly half of Latino families have no access to a checking account or an atm. Things we take for granted. They don't have a check. What's wrong with them? They don't have the resources to suck those things away. Why do we have them? A lot of different reasons. But. But roughly half those families don't. Whether they. Why do Armenians have them. But where they end up is why. Check cashing place. But I want to know why those groups. Why those two groups don't have access just happens to be that we can talk about. Flawed. No, they're hardly flawed. But they're struggling genetically. Hardly. Not absolutely. Okay, so. But that's doing. Asians have this problem. I mean a lot of communities have. A lot of whites have these problems. So that's not just black and Hispanic? No, but it. But why did you bring up black and Hispanic? Because the magnitude is ominous. But why so many of them? It just happens to be the magnitude. That's the way God planned it. Not at all. Well, what happened to them? There are a lot of issues and with that communities are struggling. A lot of immigrants. A lot of different reasons. Blacks have been here long. Longer than we've been here. Well, we, we can. We can surmise. What about Asians? They were put in internment camp. Yeah, we. In fact, it all initiated out at San Francisco. The Chinese Exclusion act came out. A lot of Asians certainly do. So why don't you? Why don't you. Because them. The only reason why is the magnitude. There's so many more. The magnitude and percentage. But there's no way to figure out how that happened. Africa, we could talk. Talk about, you know, what I'm dealing with. I don't want to have a sociological. Sure. Why would you. No, here's why. Why would you want to do that? Because the person from the Times wouldn't write Good things about you. No, no, that's not the case. Because I want to get real that. No, no. You want to deal with reality. I want to deal with reality. People that are struggling, people are suffering. I want to deal with the problems. Why are they struggling? We can hold hands and surmise about all these. I don't want to do that. I want to know why they're struggling. Why are they struggling? A lot folks are struggling because they can't find why blacks, because they're working. Why blacks and Hispanics across the board, all social, okay? So everybody, Everybody struggles. So Asians are suffering just as much as blacks. The face of welfare is not an African American face of America. It's Asian, Jewish. It's all of them Caucasian. It's a lot of. We're all society. A lot of folks are struggling. Okay? A lot of folks. So if I go down to the check cashing place, lots of Jews and Asians there are. Okay, just checking the math. Absolute fact. Why you singled those two out? Because the percentages and I think these things matter are profound. So why? That's my question. Well, I think there are a lot of reasons why. And you want. You want to go back to issues of racism. I'll do that. You want to go back to the debate we're having about the Voting Rights Act. In fact, the Supreme Court wants to take away section. What about their families? You want to know, but you want to other families. But I understand that families are incredibly important. That's certainly part of it. And people have to be a very small part of it. It's minuscule. It's a big part of it. Oh, big. It is a big part of it. Oh, well, why don't you guys talk about that then if it's a big part? I just brought it up, you know, in the moment. They don't sound as bad as they do when you hear it back. No, not at all. He. He. He painted himself into a corner so early and just hopped. Hopped the rest of the time. If you just copped to it and been like, you know what? I don't know the reason, but it's a problem. We gotta do something about it. That would have been so much easier. Yeah, but he can't do it. Politician. All right, but that's the kind of guy, like, could you imagine if we just had a. Let's just say we're just running ebay and there was a problem. We used to. The average ebay viewer would spend 14.2 minutes on eBay, and now it's down to under nine minutes. And he was the CEO and we're like, how are we going to fix this problem? Could you imagine, I don't have a problem. If that was the answer, how fast would we out the fucking door? You'd go, my God, I don't want this imbecile anywhere near this problem. He offered no solutions, zero solution. He brought up the problem, then nothing. Imagine him at the head of any gm. I don't care. You pick the company, he states the problem and then you go, what are we gonna do about it? And then he says, well, it's not just a problem in that community. He just kept going back and forth between what he was putting. That's who. Who we elect. These are the problem solvers. Strong contender for uncomfortable moment. Thank you, Dawson. The ACE award goes to Elliot Gould. I strangely wasn't as uncomfortable as I sounded, or maybe others felt in that it was amusing at the time and provided us much mirth after the fact. Almost a calming presence. All right, all factors, all factors into the winning. All right, we're going to move on Caller of the year first. DraftKings, baby. The millionaire grand final is this weekend. You could win one million bucks. Little tip. Vernon Davis. Love that guy. Man a beast. Wheels, hands. Athletic. Athletic, yeah. Helped one Draft Kings player win 25. So maybe you could draft him. That might help with the $1 million weekend. Anyway, one day. Fantasy sports, not an old drawn out long season. True story. Guy won a hundred grand very first time out. Dawson. If you hurry, you can get free entry into the millionaire grand final happening this weekend. Only enter promo code adamdraftkings.com for your free shot to be crowned a fantasy football millionaire. But you gotta enter adam today@draftkings.com for details and your free entry, visit DraftKings.com DraftKings.com well, we got caller of the year. Best impression, best interview. We have previously awarded. We have not a jew of the year. Sometimes the previously awarded packages are my favorite because those are just like great moments from the year that wouldn't fit into a category. Songs of the year. A lot lot. Coming up, let's keep the party trainer rolling and go with caller of the year. The nominees for caller of the year are. Alex. Hey, Alex. Yeah. Now, what do you have? So you have autism. What else do you have? Well, that comes with a lot of very delicious conditions like OCD and bipolar and add and the list goes on. How's the. How's it going with the ladies? Actually, there's the other Thing. I'm gay. I'm gay. So now who do you hook up with? Is there an autistic gay community that you can hang out with? There's a lot of variation. There's some people I meet who are gay or who are autistic, and I love them to death. Some people I meet who are gay and autistic, and I wanna. And I wanna, you know, tell them that they're. They're bad people. But you know what? I feel that way with non autistic people, too. Is there a version of gaydar for autistic, like the autistic dar. That you can tell someone's autistic quicker than someone else could? I. Yes, very much so. And that. That is what assures me that Adam is definitely not autistic. Right. Thank you. I'm gonna need you to come over and explain that to everyone in my. In my life. Maybe we can hook up. I feel like I get a pass. Plus, you're on my bucket list. I want one gay guy who's autistic before. You know what I call this? Call the life. Brody. Hey, Brody. Is there someone in particular you're thinking of? Well, the problem is she's in France because she went on the whole foreign exchange thing. She. She lives here, but she's just there right now for this entire sophomore year. She returned next year, but. What. Are you in contact with her? Yeah, I am. Over Twitter and all that. If you're a young guy like this and you're flirting with this chick overseas, and you go, I had a dream about you the other night. Oh, yeah? This is the greatest yardstick to measure. And it's because when. If a creepy dude says, I had a dream about you last night, you're like, I have to go. Yeah, I gotta go. Hold on. Let me grab a trash can. I'm gonna yak into this. Brody, want to do a little role playing? Why not? All right. Allison, that is a creepy pickup line. He's into you. He's into you. You think you could pretend to be a woman for five minutes? I'll try. Hello? Hey, what's going on? Oh, hey, Brody. How's it going? I'm pretty good. What about you? Yep, things are going well. I miss home. Do you now? Kind of miss home. What? Don't. Don't interrupt me. Okay? Don't do that. Oh, sorry. Rough trade. I like it. You know, I recently dreamt about you and your clothes and stuff. Hang on one second. Hang on a second. Someone's trying to get my attention. I don't want to turn it off. How do you do audio? Pepper spray. Is there a setting on your phone that you just press a button to be pepper sprayed with your own receiver? Feel like that'd be a liability as a manufacturer. And ephesio, you were on the air talent? Yeah, I worked at different radio stations with some. The microphone was hooked up to something or they just gave you a microphone? No, they gave me a telephone and then they tried me. Tried to get me to, like, you know, call up, but then I was actually in studio at other stations, too. Great story. And uio. Yeah. Then you got fired. No, I didn't get fired. I. Well, I got fired from different other radio station jobs. Yeah, I worked. I couldn't resist. If I was firing Uazio, I would just go, uio, we have to uaz you out. Yeah. Or I. I've had many nicknames, too. I've been called you Crazio. Eu freo ulio. It almost. We'll stop here. When one doesn't ring true. Let's do the thing where. Let's just make it the Oofazio show. Okay. And hey, it's straight up and down. Six o'clock. It's the morning freako. It's Frase, man. How's it going? And what are we doing today? Let's go check out on Billy and see if he's awake yet. Let's go call him up. You know, just dial the number in. Why don't you interview me? Why don't you make me your guest? Okay. Welcome. It's 6:23 after the hour and it's a Thursday evening and we got a great guest today and his name is Adam Ace Correa or the Lakers Corolla. How you doing? Doing good, Faze. You're a big fan. Hey, thanks. Appreciate that. Likewise. You know, I was checking out your book. Not a Taco Bell. I can't remember the title. Not Taco Bell material. Thank you, Fasia. Yeah. And I think it's an excellent collaboration and compilation of what you went through and stuff. Yeah, the book. Yeah, yeah, the book. Yeah. Yeah. There's a. There's a couple things that really stood out when I was reading it. I like your comment on, like, how, like, you were like, I used to be a city planning major and you were talking about having this house in the Hollywood Hills that you're totally likely. Can you imagine Vasia planning your city, this town, Marino Valley, inspired me to become a city planner, but there's too much mathematics involved, so I Had to get out, and I wanted to, like, be able to change the world quicker, so I chose the microphone. Yeah. Yeah. And what's weird about that? Wow. Oh, look, a little Sonny bunny stepped into the booth over there. All right, Dawson, we're all on the edge of our seats. The winner is. Oh, yeah. Caller of the year. All right, we'll keep the party trainer rolling. Hi, Sonny. I notice you got your bracelet there. Who made you the bracelet? Sonny got a bracelet. Jensen, can I join? Yeah, your. Your mail Buddy made you the bracelet. He said, can I join? Yeah, no, I got that. That I got. But the. That's what the male friend, too. Buddies are making the necklaces. Sonny, who made the necklace for you? Where'd you get the necklace? All right, dudes giving jewelry. Come on. In Italian. All right, best impression. Oh, I'm intrigued. Here we go. The nominees for best impression are. Dana Gould as Chris Matthew Matthews. And there's another thing I don't understand. Angelina Jolie. Very attractive woman. Tomb Raider. Now she has no boobs. Your team Rob says, this gonna hurt a career or not? I don't understand. And Brad Pitt. What kind of name is Pitt? That's a not. It's not a. When I was a kid, yeah. John Wayne. John Pitt. I understand it. Movie stars. Frank Caliendo as Morgan Freeman. That'd be funny if Morgan was like. Like, you're trying to get laid. And Morgan was narrating but then started being a blocker in the middle of it. You know, you got those two children at home. What would they think if Dan was talking to a lady? Hey, buddy, I'm talking to cocktail waitress over here. She doesn't know what. I understand what you're trying to do, Adam, but is that the right thing? Is that what your mother would want you to do? And I said, Morgan here it. While she was accepting that welfare check and you were telling her that's not the way it should. Should be done. You're killing my wood here. I'm trying to get my swirl. Understand? I realize what's going on inside those pants there, Sonny. Okay, I can see it popping out. John Holmberg as Adam. Gilbert Godfrey and the Scottish guy. The best way to do an impression of Adam Corolla is to do Gilbert Godfrey on downers. Yeah, because it would be like, if I could just have a second, please, to talk about if. It's. It's. It's as if I just took a downer. What if your Scottish friend and Gilbert Godfrey were parading the same homeless guy? Whoa. What Would that sound like. See, this is the improv teacher I'm talking about. I don't know why. Why am I at the Sports Authority with this stranger? And this guy is bugging me for money? Don't you just tell that guy to fuck off? You're right. Let's tell him, fuck you, homeless guy. Go get a job, for Christ's sake. Like this immigrant who swam all the way over from wherever the fuck he's from, and tell him fuck off. Grant Lee Phillips as Michael McDonald. The white man has the power. It's a white supremacist song. You wouldn't know it because he mumbles. Right, now here's where it gets sad. That's the same that was everyone else who worked at ksx. Sad. Now where's your white supremacist? Oh, it's the wise man. It's not the white man. I'm sorry. Same difference. And Jay Moore as Adam Sandler. On Sandler movies, The critics are 14, but the audience is. Adam, listen to me. You make those movies, Adam. And those movies are like single digits. Oftentimes. Sometimes they're lower than single digits. Sometimes you owe from the last movie. Oh, Shadow. You got one coming. You didn't make it. You didn't say a word. That's not a word. You ever make a movie called I speak gibberish for 95 minutes? Adam Sandler is speaking gibberish. Dominoes. $20 million. All right, now we got it. Sunny, you want to. You want to say your ringtone? By the way, Sunny's in studio. Yes, I am. Yeah, TikTok, let's hear it. That's a waste of my time. Now let's hear the sad. That's a waste of my time. That's a waste of my time. All right, now let's hear the super happy. Yay. That's always my chime. Now let's hear. He did, though, like, rock on, brah. I know. Let's hear the pouty one. You're very upset. That's a wish of my chime. A puppy kind of voice. Yeah, that's good. All right, that was more petulant than pouty, but we'll take it. We'll take it. The winner for best impression this year goes to Dana Gould as Chris Matthews. All right, kids, clear out now. It's a grown ups place here. I didn't even say anything. Oh, that's Natalia. All right. There's beer and bad words. No place for kids. That's right. Best Interview. The nominees for best interview Are Artie Lang. The first four years on Stern were, were bliss. It was the greatest job. I was having fun. It was a dream. But then the drugs caught up with me and then I was like, wow, you know, and I started nodding out in front of, you know, 15 million people. It's not like nodding out of the Z morning zoo in St. Louis. Right. You know, it's all over the country. I mean, you know, so it, it was brutal. It was like a living. Like I was like, maybe I did die and I'm in hell. The only thing, the only, only thing I'm good at is being funny. I, I, like, I was never funnier. I was as funny as I'm gonna get, you know what I mean? I don't know which is funny. I don't know where that lands in the spectrum, you know, somewhere in between Albert Brooks and Gallagher, you know, but I was as funny as Artie Lang's gonna get. You know, Howard would talk for 20 minutes and I, I could say something funny every 20 minutes into the mic and I get paid. And did he know that something was going on with you at the very end? They knew the severity of it and, and then you. I put them in the worst position ever. They don't know what to do. Like, if we fire him, is he going to jump off a cliff? Right? If we don't fire him, what's going to happen? And Howard made the right move in not firing me because he knew my personality and that would have been devastating, especially for Matt Show. He gave me the greatest option. He said, go away. Take eight months and come back. You'll have your job. It's not going anywhere. And I just shit all over that idea. I said, fine. And I went to eight days of rehab. I basically escaped from it. Went on a four day binge. And when I ran out of the heroin after that, I, I found life unbearable. I was like, I fucked everything up and I tried to kill myself. I said, you know, I'm 42 at the time. My experience in this life is, I mean, Elvis was only 42 years. Why should I have any more? You know, I, I, maybe this is all I need in this life. And I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go. And you know, I gather guarantee no one's ever killed themselves when they were high on heroin. No one's ever done that. Because you feel too good. Yeah, it's when you're coming down, it's when you run out. I drank bleach, thinking that would get me drunk. That Was trying to get drunk. That's where my mindset was. And then you stabbed yourself. I stabbed myself nine times and slipped my wrists. By the way, when I fall off the wagon, I. I'm willing to do it with Mangria, thank you. If we can. If I can just get that endorsement on air. If we can set up a deal. Yes. There's money in it for you, Jimmy Kimmel. Now you go from Seattle to where and at what point? Back home to my parents house in, In Arizona. With your wife. With my wife. 26 foot moving truck, Pontiac Grand, Grand Am attached to the back of it. Right. And you move back home, your parents in Arizona, and you're living at home with your wife, which not living the dream. So not ideal. Valet parking. In fact, I was valet parking at a local boxing club, slash nightclub, slash male strip club one night a week. It was a male strip club. And Danny Bonaduce used to come to this nightclub. Not when it was a male strip club. But I used to park his car, right. And he was on the radio in Phoenix at the time. But that was a bad time for me. I. I wrecked truck that had dualies on it, which I still don't understand how a car could be wider in the back than it is in the front. I have one, yes. Dual wheels in the back. Dual. The truck, the. The rear axle and tires go bubbling way out and it's easy to scrape. 500. The greatest story I have ever heard. $500 deductible. I had to pay. That was like, like seven and a half nights worth, right? So now you're working, you're parking cars, you are living back home, you're married and living at home and sending out tapes. Were Joan and Jim, your parents trying to. They were my parents at the time. At the time. Are they trying to talk you toward college? Oh, my dad hated this radio plan. Yeah, he hated it. He tried to bribe me to stay home, to just stay and go to college and live there. But I was dead set on it and there was no talking to me, right? So I got a job in Charleston, West Virginia, doing mornings and with my partner Kent. And at the same time, Kent got a job in Tampa, Florida at a big radio station there. And he was going to try to get me in as the producer of the show, but there was no guarantee. So Kent passed on the West Virginia job and they wanted to give it to me so I'd come do the show. But I didn't know how to do anything. I didn't know how to run the board. I was, you know, I had no idea what I was doing when it came to the mechanics of the show. And I was scared of West Virginia in general. Sure. So I initially accepted that job and then the next day I called the gun. I said, I just can't do it. And I went to Tampa and I worked in Tampa as the morning show producer and I did characters on air and I worked with this guy, Mike Elliott and Kent Voss, and we got fired in 11 months at that job. Wow. So you bested your previous record by a month. On that day that I got fired, I got offered a job in Palm Springs to be the morning guy. Luckily, I got my two week severance or else I wouldn't have been able to afford to move. And I worked there for a year and a half. I did not get fired at that job. Carson Daly was my intern at that job and he took over when I left. I went to another radio station in Tucson and got fired there in another 10 months. How did your wife feel about all the movies around? We didn't talk much. No, she. She wasn't crazy about it. But I had, in fairness, I'd explained that this was probably what was going to happen, although I didn't believe that it was. What was. I figured, oh, somebody's going to like me at one of these places. But it's, you know, it's an itinerant type of job, radio. You move around and once you get fired in one market, it's pretty rare that you get picked up at another station there. Now, when do you get to KROC in Los angeles? January of 1994, just after the earthquake, which is great timing because there was no place to rent. Everything was rented. That was when I got fired in Tucson. I got the job at KROC right away. In fact, I actually didn't have the job at kroc. They'd indicated they were going to give me the job, but never really pulled the trigger for a period of three months. So I just decided to move to LA and show up. And I remember my first day on the air. I. I showed up at the studio and Kevin and Bean are the morning guys there. And they looked at me and they said, they hired you. And I thought, oh, no, this is bad. Eli Roth. A lot of Santiago still destroyed from the earthquake. So there's a scene where I'm in the cemetery and a huge piece of concrete falls on me and I'm like, trapped and they can't move. You know what to do. And I looked over and there were all these skeletons and broken open, open tombs. And I said, I was like, man, the art department's amazing. They, like, I put all these skeletons and he's like, dude, they just unlocked this for us. This has been closed since the earthquake. I'm like, what? Wow. We didn't dress anything. We literally put stuff just like popped open and fell apart and stuff. We walked through the graveyards and, like, the whole thing shook. And they don't bury them in the ground, they stack them upward like filing cabinets. Raiders of the lost ark, Closer to God. So you got. So they all broke open. So they're just bones and crack tombs. And, you know, the aftershocks, they couldn't even repair it. So they closed it down. We're like, can you open it for us and let us shoot there? And they did, which was crazy. Nick, PI how does good fellas come about for you? Henry Hill got arrested, and he was going to flip or get murdered, as we all know. And he, in order to pay his lawyer, Bob Simlet, he had to get some money. He had no money, and they thought he had a great book. And Bob Simmels went to Simon and Schuster and sold them on the idea of publishing a book about Henry Hill. About six writers were interviewed, and I was one of them. In the conversation with Hill, there were FBI guys in the room, all that kind of stuff. He said, you know, I was going with Johnny Wagon Wheels. And I said, you mean Fatico? Oh, I know all the characters, right. Once he realized I knew all the characters, he was able to use nicknames. I could nick and nickname him back. I mean, because that had been what I had been covering. Now. Now it's just you and John Waters at this point. That's about it. And. And Henry and I hit it off. We just hit it off. I knew him. I knew this guy. I grew up with these guys, you know, and I grew up with that kind. At a certain point, I would have to go and interview him with marshals and all that stuff. But he slipped me a number, and after a while I just took off. And I would go meet him. Yes, he was in the federal. He got kicked out about four times. It's tough to get kicked out of the federal. Who's Johnny Wagon Wheels and why was he called Johnny Wagon Wheels? Well, it was the Wagon Wheels. You never know where these nicknames come from. But there's a guy by the name of Fatico, and there's a Fatico hearing, which became that guy had a case that became part of the legal apparatus, which our attorney, Mr. Santoro, could probably explain to us right now. What about Jimmy? What about Jimmy Two Times. That's not his real name. The real name was Johnny Echoes. Oh, echoes. Yeah. But we couldn't use Johnny Echoes because there really wasn't Johnny Echoes who I knew. So we had to change the name, and we made him two times. But that's true of both guys. Let's go get the paper. Get the papers. Yeah, that's the way he would talk. And Mike Tyson, did your lawyers. Did they ever say, mike, please just be nice for the couple hours we're here, and then do whatever you want. Do all the coke you want, all the hookers you want when we're done. But in the courtroom, be respectful to that guy, and we'll get a much lighter sentence. I don't know. That's how I was built back then, because my. I would never do that. Now my memory of it is. All you really needed to do was like, apologize, humble yourself, and be nice. And you probably could have got probation or something like that. I was just mad the fact I was in that courtroom for something so hideous that I. I wasn't really involved to that degree. I raped somebody and I didn't care. And I. When I was in mature. Mature at the time, and that's the only way I knew how to deal with it. That's the only coping skills that I possessed at that time. What. What age? 24. You were 24 years of age. And that three years would have represented hundred, $200 million. Maybe I would have caught AIDS and maybe somebody would have killed me. That's why I always say, hey, this is a blessing. Wow. Strong category. I've heard it a million times. I never get tired of Jimmy Kimmel because everyone always thinks Jimmy Kimmel or whoever was Jimmy Kimmel his whole life. He had a long road to success for a young guy. Yes. And there was never any program director or any other human being that went like, well, I'm firing this guy. But I know one day, like, no, there was a. But there's always this thing that I try to explain to people, and I know it sounds slightly bizarre, but when Jimmy Kimmel and Carson Daly and myself were sitting around having lunch back in 1997, we were doing nothing. And nobody would ever come around and go, but you guys know that one day there's this sort of feeling, and even I have it. You just feel like, well, this person knows that someday something is going. No, they don't they just got shit canned and they're packing up, feeling pretty low, packing up a U Haul and they're going to Tampa. That's what they feel. They feel the exact same way you would feel if somebody shit canned you and said, now it's time to pack it up and go to Tampa. I'm forgetting now, but why did he keep getting fired? Program directors are bad. So I always tell people, look, badass. You mean there are people. Hold on, Jack. They're people who have no taste and then there are people who have bad taste. And if you let someone who has no taste decorate your living room, you might get lucky. But if you have someone who has bad taste, you're going to be fucked. And as a matter of fact, if a person has bad taste and they go into your living room, which was done tastefully and professionally, they're gonna hate it. So when your taste is bad, you look at Jimmy Kimmel or Adam Carolla and Carson Daly or whoever it is and you go, get those guys out of here. Get me Danny Bonaduce. It's not that. Oh, 50, 50 could go one way or the other. Oh, no. Whatever Jimmy's doing is bad because I have bad taste. So when I have bad taste, I hate good. You know what I mean? If you take someone's bad taste to a good restaurant, they don't like the food, it'd be a good 60 minute segment. Maybe we'll see it someday. Interviews with the program directors who fired a young Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, my God. What do you remember about firing Jimmy? The show would have to be called 90 minutes, Dawson. That is a perfect analogy. And the winner is. Mike Tyson. Oh, yeah. House in Henderson and sat down. A new Mike Tyson. All right, next category. Previously awarded in a private ceremony held earlier, the daytime ACE Awards were given out in the following categories. For best insult Adam and Dr. Spaz. All right, interrupt my train of thought. Oh, you have no train of thought. It's off the track. It's a wooden train with square wheels on that island of misfit toys. Can I tell you, that is your train of thought. Shut up. Best morning radio show. Adam Allison and Dana Gould. Hey, people say hoop. Yeah, people say hoopdon. Anyway, sledge down at Ikea. He's out there. An Irvine. Go ahead and kick him in the nuts. Give him the phrase of Page. Walk away the beer cuzzi. It is 7:32. That's 28 away from the top of the hour. Well, it's. That's 32 after 7:00 again. News, traffic, traffic, driver, driver, driver. Traffic, driver. Drive, driver. Driver. Weather, news, all coming up. The top corner, 16th of the hour. Hey, I've never said this before, but I almost killed a guy with my car. He never stops getting this one. We've got all the housewives, all the real housewives from Beverly Hills, from Atlanta, and also Taylor Swift. I really did. I think about it first thing every morning. It's starting to wear around. I gotta jump out of the weather here. 72 coming out of Burma. When you're checking in, 72 degrees. Garden Grove 72, Fontana, 72. Sunland, 72 degrees. Wine guards checking in big 72 degrees. Pull your together. We're checking over there. North Hollywood, 72 degrees to Hunga, 72 degrees. La Puente checking in at 71. No. Now 72 degrees for best fight we never need to hear again. Adam and Brian, everyone came over my house a few weeks ago and they all brought their iPhone and they're all busted. Brian and I had a, what, 25 minute epic argument while you were explaining to me that Apple buzz. Your retarded argument on this particular topic. No one wants to hear this again. Right, but what was your argument? And do you stand by it still? I want. I 100% stand by it. 100%. 100%. Actually more. 110. Give me the short version. No, I'll give you Adam's retarded version first. He thinks that Apple designed. Listen to this. Apple designed the iPhone so it would intentionally fall and break. People have to buy more iPhones. Okay. Is it a multi million or billion dollar year business replacing? That's why you gotta make your phone so it'll break. For best Canadian, Harley Morenstein. No, we don't hear accents. Oh, you don't? It's weird. In Canada we don't hear anything Australian. That's the only one. Everything else. You don't hear anything else talking. Wait, you, you can't tell that you speak differently than we do. Is that. Am I, do I sound different? You gotten progressively more Canadian. You sound like Tom Green. I, first of all, I enjoy Tom Green, so I'll take it as a compliment. However, I know a couple words that I say. Weird. Ham. Oh yeah. How ugly is that? Right? It's like I can't even talk English properly and it's like one of your most important words. But now I, I, I can, I can. How do you say donkey? Ham. Is that you guys say it. Ham. Yeah, ham. We try not to. Y'all gonna eat from. Alice says y'all Gonna eat ham. And also when we say a. How Canadians like to do. Yeah, I've noticed you guys say, huh, and no one ever calls you out, but I'd be like, you say, so you're gonna eat ham, eh? You'll be like, y'all gonna eat ham, huh? That's what you guys sound like in Canada. For best on a story, Adam's construction buddy Jeff. Poor Jeff. I don't want to send you into a spiral here or. Or deep into therapy, but we had a foreman named Mike. Oh, yeah, Mike was here. Here's a little background on Mike. In Vietnam, he worked on a minesweeper and think smoking hash out of a human skull kind of thing. Oh, that. That minesweeper. Yeah. While the doors are playing and you're banging underage hookers or even occasionally of age. He also seemed to have a little problem with pain medication. Yeah, that's what he called me. And he was very angry. And the only time I ever saw my cappy is when he got a new puppy. He would show up, which, by the way, got run over on Wilshire Boulevard right in front of me. Jeff, you do know how to on a story, don't you? And for best dude, Dawson and Diamond Dallas Page. I suspect that if Diamond Dallas Page said dude and then Dawson said dude and we closed our eyes, we might not know who was who. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. A lot of range in those dudes. Let's do a. I'm disappointed with you, dude. Dawson first. Dude. Dude. Oh, interesting. All right. Just nailed a super hot chick of who is a different ethnicity than me. I don't know why, but that makes a little extra. Dude. Delicious. Dude. Dude. All right, I owe you $100. I've just asked to borrow another hundred dollars. Like I didn't owe you the last hundred dollars. Dude. Dude. Oh. You were dating a woman for four years. No, four and a half years. You were engaged to be engaged. You're really serious about this. You broke things off with her. She has a nine year old. You look at him as your own son. Now it's been four years, and you found out one of your friends was nailing her possibly during the time you were together. Possibly. You don't really believe him when he said it happened after. And you're saying this to the guy's family. Nice. Yeah. Dude. Dude, seriously. Oh, he added it. Added it. Seriously, I. I like the idea that you guys both had your different takes on your different dudes. Dueling dudes. All right, Dawson, Those are previously awarded. Oh, those are previously awarded. They all won. Congratulations to the winners. We're all winners. I'll tell you. You want to be a winner. Sherry's berries, baby. Oh, forget about those lame gifts. The sweaters, the ties and all that. The old books. You don't need that. Sherry's Berries. Send the giant dipped strawberries. Only $19.99. It's 40% savings. Go to Berry's. That's berries.com, click on the microphone. Type in Ace. Enormous. Fresh, juicy. Mouth watering. I produced too much saliva during this. During these Sherry's Berry spots. So excited to get about the Reeves. I'm really excited. Quick break. When we come back, I think we have Definitely not a Jew of the year. And now Alcoa presents Definitely not a Jew of the year. Dateline, Jennings, Missouri. A 43 year old man was charged with first degree murder of his uncle. The man killed his uncle with a shotgun when they argued over whether the cuts of meat they were eating were pork chops or pork steaks. Definitely not a man. Very fitting. All right, we'll keep the party trainer rolling with most inebriated guest. The nominees for man vs. Mangria most inebriated guest are. Nick Santora. Nick, how drunk are you right now? I'm pretty drunk. Seriously? You are an alcoholic. I want to state for the record that Mr. Puleggi is representing the show of Vegas and CBS tonight. And I'm just representing myself. And Mangria. And Mangria. Oh, you better hope. Christoph Wallace. What was I doing that made it obvious that I've had. That I hadn't eaten since 1045 and had five or six mangrias while waiting. But Fred Durst did a wonderful job with my script. Howie Mandel. Adam, it's good to see, you know, this is an actual first for me. I gotta be totally. I'm gonna be totally honest because I want a little. I wanna. I don't even know what the word is. A disclaimer. Because in my history at 35 years in, in the business, I've never had any mind altering. I can't like take a toke of anything, even a beer. And because I have severe ocd, I take a lot of medication and I had no idea. I would never say no to you, but I. Today you're having this great benefit. Sure. In your backyard. And it was. Is it sponsored by or if you own a piece of this Mangria? Yeah, it's mine. Is it yours? I own it. Yeah. Do you really? Well, it's delicious. I got to. Is it sangria with man juice? Like, well, I don't understand why it's Mangria, but it's. It's high octane sangria. Well, I didn't know that. Yeah. And so I've. This is the first time in 35 years in the business I've ever done I've been recorded or been involved in anything that was going to be broadcast beyond the person I'm speaking to. And I like the peach, and I like the red. I'm fucked up. But I didn't know. They didn't say that you're going to do. If they would have said that you're gonna be part of Adam's podcast, I would have said, okay, I'll do that. And then I'm gonna try the Mangria. It's fantastic. I'm so glad you like it. But I'm so up. Dane. For those people that suffer OCD and possibly take the same medication as me, Mangria goes great with. It goes great with Zola. You want to love refill. And Gabriel Iglesias. I'm enjoying some chocolate almonds and some Mangria, which is, by the way, some of the greatest sangria slash Mangria, because Adam made it in the world. I've. I. I don't like sangria. I don't. I really don't. And the fact there was a bar out there and I was able to tap this thing and magic came out of it. I says, I need some more of that. Imagine if you did like it. So. No, here's the thing, bro. My alcohol of choice is Patron Silver Chill. They don't pay me to tell you that I love tequila. I love Patron. I think you just like saying tequila and patron in that act. No, you know what? Why? Cuz I'm Mexican, bro. Automatically got to take it. No, cuz you're saying it in a special fancy way because I said it like this is. I love the tequila. The. The. The. The Patron silver. They makes my Latino trophy so wonderful. Say Budweiser in a real Mexico Budweiser. Oh, no, don't be a dick, dude. Come on, man. I like you so much, man. Don't even take it there, bro. I'm not taking there. All right, here's where I'm gonna take it be. Bottom line is, I want you guys to know right now that Gabriel Iglesias endorses Adam Corolla's, which is an amazing garbage. If you guys have the chance to check it out, try it it is phenomenal. It'll make you say on the radio. You're not supposed to say like. Because I don't do that on freaking FM radio. I, I will do that on satellite radio, though. This is. All right. We'll pick this up on the way out. Yeah. I like you, bro. I like you too. And I love you. You know, a lot of people, they talk about the ills of alcohol and booze, but really, where would we be? Oh, yes. Bored as much. Might not even be here. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. That's a very, very valid point. Like, there's no way my dad would have tapped that shit. You know what I mean? Not a couple. Yeah. And I say that with great respect. It came across okay. The is Howie Mandel. Yeah. Yeah. You guys didn't get a chance to hear that because we're sitting in my sort of guest house and I. He was just chugging that Mangria and getting a little, getting a little jiggy with it. Howie had to work hard to get over on Nick and Gabriel because they were both pretty toasty. Yeah, I like that. All right. I'm proud to say that I make a product that gets people quietly shit faced. Not quietly, but it sneaks up on them. Not quietly. It sneaks up on them nicely. All right. Best psa. The nominees for best public Service announcement are. Stone Cold Steve Austin for Knives at the Airport Knight. This is Stone Cold Steve Austin and it's a fucked up world we're living in and people are doing some really bad shit. The TSA is about to start allowing pocket knives and horseshit that's under two and three quarters of an inch back on the airlines. So make sure that when you're packing up with your loved ones that you're packing a blade. Just like every other six army that's about to get on the same flight as you, Mrs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Have a good flight. Wow. Really moving. Wow, I like that. I, I think, by the way, that's not just going to be NBC. That's going to be in the, in flight. You know, when they, when they, when they put that, when the monitor comes down before they get some safety stuff. Wow, that was powerful stuff. Ste. Adam, for dui, you have this thing where the least drunk person drives. I should do a psa. The more, you know, remember the least person. Yeah, having fun is fun. Having a few drinks is fun too. But let's not have the most fucked up person operating the car that night. Give it to the guy who's drank somewhere between the sixer and the 12 pack. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. If my wife. If you ever see my wife driving, it's because I'm throwing up into my lampshade in the backseat of the car, fucking sprawled, passed out and Stone Cold Steve Austin for Gum on the Sidewalk. It's a stone cold view. You could do one for the assholes that spit their gum out anywhere and everywhere. Well, I tell you what, every single time I come on this show, I drive through a shitload of traffic to get here and Adam promptly throws me in the grease. First it was a PSA about blades, and now we're talking about bubble gum on a hot street. Could be spearmint. All you bubble gum chewers out there where it's a little bit of spearmint or something to get your breath fresh for some chicky meat at lunch at your wife don't know about, or you're just some piece of shit walking down the sidewalk trying to find your next fix. Don't spit your goddamn gum on the sidewalk. Take your time, do your due diligence. Wrap it up in a piece of paper. Do something. Drop it in a trash can. Think about your brother, think about your sister walking down the street. Think about that little puppy dog that might get that tangled up on his little paws. Goddammit, people, pick your fucking gum up, put it in the trash can when you get done with it. And that's the bottom line. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Wow. Good dog. My money's on Stone Cold for this one, Dawson. The winner is Stone Cold Steve Austin for Knives at the Airport. Yeah, the original PSA was Stone Cold. Some experts thought he would split the vote, you know, twice in the same category, but it no. Oh. Song of the Year. Excited about this category. The nominees for Song of the Year are. Rich Banks for Rock Me maxapata Max A Pata, Max a Pata Max a Pata oh, oh, oh Max a Pata Rocky maxapada well, he stands no more than five foot three this puppy head Horny, hungry Asian pygmy Road trips with Corolla and sleeps in a draw Heard he's good with the ladies Filipino man whore Took a school bus trip all around the state he got a big appetite likes to clean his plate his real name's Lots of Mana but not to Adam so we change that up now we call him Max a Pata Max a pattern Rich Banks and Mike lynch for constant grazing August the stoned pale K Always leaves his plate clean if it's true you are what you eat them He's Everything comes crazy he's always eating free food is his main weakness he's the world's cheapest guy Once saw him in Central Park Fighting the sweet world for a fright cost of grazing he's always eating crazy all ghost constant crazy he's always Rich Banks and Brian Bishop for Bye bye Lynch Bye bye manly tits hello better bits Bye bye my clinch goodbye. He had a baby he nurses every day no more breastfeeding he's got to get away if you're wondering where will he go he'll be lactating on the east coast Bye bye Lynch Bye bye manly tits hello better bits Bye bye Mike lynch goodbye Bye bye man tits Goodbye Rich Banks for fartin in the change room hangin in the dress store spending lots of cash Allison let an air biscuit come at her ass the dressing room small filled with her toots the sales lady stuck in there smelling her poots Farting up the change room Farting up the change room Breaking wind but trumpet cheek under chief Allison almost killed a woman with her SPD and Rich Banks and Mike lynch for the Matt Aty intro. So here's the guy with the fresh and rocks and movie game. Now it's time I really hope it isn't lame Please let's go I totally care Take this note I can't force it all anymore, anymore it hurts my balls. Hurts my balls Atchy he names the flicks and the gang makes flicks mad at you He's a schnobby guy and when he drops by the king has to guess to the critics scores make it rotten or fresh actually wow. There was some great music produced this year. Great stuff in there. You know, I always say, you want to know how you're doing in life. You know, cut someone off, see what they yell. Okay? You know, they yell Buddhahead or unibrow or jufre or whatever. Tangle tooth. You'll know where you're at. Yeah, if somebody write a novelty song about you, you'll kind of know where you're at. Specifically Rich Banks and Mike lynch and Brian. Yeah, Couple things quickly. We were in San Diego last night. Mike August was doing what Mike August does he vulturing. Well, first off, how does this go? Saving for the winter grazing. But you guys riddle me this. We walked into the club and Jay, my assistant J. Joe, my kids inexplicably call him J. Jo. Kids are weird that way. No one ever called him J. Joe, but they know him as J Joe. J. Joe handed me a huge box and he said, hot wings in it for you, boss. I know you love the hot wings. And I said, I've never ordered hot wings in my life. I've never ordered. Jay has never been on a hot wings run. Yes, for me. I know how you love hot wings. You guys have never heard me speak of hot wings. We've been out to dinner a hundred times. I've never ordered hot wings. It's a weird thing for a guy's assistant. The assistant is the guy who is going on the lunch runs and hanging out a lot backstage. Hot wings have never been discussed. Like. Like, I've never been backstage, went, what do we got here? Artichoke dip. Oh, hot wings. Yeah. How are those prepared? So he handed me a huge box of hot wings. Because you love them. Although no one has ever heard me say, get me hot wings. And I've never ordered hot wings. Literally, if you took both my kids and you hung them over a stalagmite, I think that's the one that comes up from the ground and said, we will cut the rope. If you have ordered hot wings at a restaurant, I would say, go ahead. I've never ordered hot wings in my entire life. Maybe if cousin Sal said, I'm going to the bathroom when the chick from Hooters comes around, could you order hot wings? I wonder what situation happened where this is what they're doing. But never ordered hot wings. So I don't know why. Jay presented me with a huge box of hot wings and said, I know you love hot wings wings. And then they were battered in breadcrumbs, which to me is. Then we had a 20 minute conversation about hot wings, and that's not what hot wings are. And Jay's argument was, well, they are now, or half of them are, and half of them are. There's a lot of discussion about where buffalo fits in. Hot wings are not drumettes that are rolled in basically kitty litter and then deep fried. But either way, there they sat. But I ate one. I got a mouthful of weird bread, and I said, well, that'll be good for me. Gary, how does it work where my assistant of three years decides, I love hot wings, I love Jay, but I've never said the word hot and wings in front of him together. And I've never ordered hot wings. I've got to imagine Jay loves hot wings, and he didn't eat any of the hot wings. Well, those are your hot wings, boss. A fan was involved in this. I thought that there was some. A huge fan made wings. Either way, when Mike was done devouring all the things he ordered. He then devoured the hot wings. That's how good an assistant he is. Alison was delighted to see him just dig into these things. I wanted to take a photo of it and then write about it. But then I thought, I didn't want to insult the wings lest the fan, you know, comes across it, but nothing wrong with the hot wings. I've just never eaten hot wings. Speaking of August being a stone pelican, at a certain point, Kaylin and I also ordered food and there was some confusion. And that food went to the green room, not to front of stage or front of house where we were. I walked in 10 minutes later looking for my food. Mike August. Oh, yeah. Balls deep in both these. Song of the year. Song of the year. Song of the year goes to Rich Banks and Mike lynch for the Matt Achity intro song. Yes, it's damn good. My favorite of the year, Constant Grayson. Pretty damn strong, too. All right, Best live performance. The nominees for live performance of the year are. Plain white tees for I should have just gone to bed. So I down my cup and then I hit you up saying way too much oh, I, I should have just gone to bed I should have never called you I should have listened to my head when it said leave it alone no few drinks in here I go missing you again God only knows what I said I should have just gone to bed. The white buff buffalo for don't yout Want It, Father. Well, I still don't know who failed who but we got the same bit of blood running through our veins. Here comes the morning sun we'll put your times around everyone can you feel it? Roll out the first of spring make us all new again oh, don't you want it like I want it? To the wet sprocket for ocean knew we were lying smile just the same seen that already forgotten we'd care Walk on the ocean step on the surface stones the flesh becomes water becomes po. John Popper and Chan Kinsla for Look around that you're gonna have to go and find it you'll have to dare beneath the ground you'll have to unearth every ugly stone kept you on your road she let poor thing down you're gonna have to look Jonathan McEwen for Devil Cry. And I will fight the river I always will remember that chilling sound of my chain when it hits the ground and I broke free ran for my life until my son broke through and I don't need the devil cry. Kelly James and Barry Zito for Standing On a rooftop. And an improvisational performance. We gonna do it now. Shameless. Plug Man Grio. So you gonna sell your booze on this show anyway? Me and Brian Jones will drink it in the morning every day. And we could do it all night long again and again. And I'm rocking with this hot. That's my girl Allison talking about my dude Brian. Yeah, over there. He was trying to play cool. Like, he really didn't care. He's texting all his friends, like, seriously, though, who's on this goddamn show? That's my boy Barry Zo. And I don't really care if you don't even miss me well, I just wanna know that he's not as good as I was. Yeah, yeah. I'm standing on the rooftop Feeling out to you, girl to you, you, girl I'm standing on the rooftop Feeling out to you, girl to you, you, girl and handsome for. Mmm. Wow. I did not want any of those songs to end. I wanted to hear all of them. A lot of good performances. I. I always think when this happens, it's such a privilege that these guys come in and burn these kind of calories. Private concert. Yeah, it really, really is. It's really. It's really sweet, and it's really one of the cool perks of this gig. All right, Dawson. Tough choice. Such a tough choice. Very tough. The winner of Live Performance of the Year, Hanson mbop. Yep. I gotta say, we walked out into the club the other night, and they were just playing the Plain White Tees, our version of it. And I was like, what? Oh, I like this. What? And then I realized, oh, yeah, that's from our studio, but all worthy. All worthy. No losers in this category. All right, the guys who lost. Except for the losers who lost. That's right. Previously awarded Part 2 at the Technical and Creative Arts Aces held earlier this year, awards were given out in the following categories for best interruption audience member Rachel. Here's what pisses me off about pizza. Any vegetarians out here tonight? I hate you people. And let me tell you why. Because there'd be an. It'd be an office of 55 people. But we gotta accommodate the one bitch who decided she hated it. What people start doing is they go, all right, well, we have Rachel. And Rachel. Yeah, baby. Wow. Yeah. Hold on now. Wow. Wow. Your name is what, man? Rachel. Wow. Well, the audience was pretty amazed by what Adam had just done. Seemed like Rachel was pretty amazed as well, as. For some reason, she was starting to take her top off. For Best Tebow answer, Pete. A Produce supplier finds love. Pete. Pete. Splash. Holy. From 1984. What? Wow. Wow. For best pedophile reference, the Billy Ocean recording session. Well, that's normal. I think everybody gets angry and drive. You know what you need to do? Listen to more Billy Ocean when you drive. Oh, get out of my. Wait. Get into my. What? Get out of my dreams and into my car. By the way, you know, a little aggressive. Little. Right. But it's like, at the same time, it's like, you know. Yes. Song. That guy had it going on. Yeah. And you're not in a bad mood when you listen to him or Rick Astley. Imagine him, like, working on that song, like, in the studio. Get off of your miniature bicycle, Billy. No, that's not that. Okay, a tricycle. Get off of your tricycle. Get out of that Catholic school year uniform. Bill, I think you're going down a road here. You're gonna need some paperwork if you keep going down that road. Let's see. Get off of that big wheel and into my car get off that swing set get out of that bouncy castle and onto my dick for best ad jingle Dwight Yoakum. Know just what your tummy thinks what it wants, what it means Long before it begs or pleads Lanky lanks from little piggies Come make your tummy howl and scream yum, yum so if it growls now don't be sore it's only asking you for more Blank. Everybody link blanky links. No, just what your tummy thinks. See, that's good. One time through and you start singing. Most of it. I've got I'm on to something. And best interview that never actually happened, Adam and Elliot Gould. Elliot, you don't care. Why don't you care? No, listen, I went to the Groundlings. First thing I learned at the Ground Links is you don't deny. Who gives a shit? Oh, okay. Now you've crossed the line, Elliot, Because I'm telling you that when the basic tenets of good improvisational humor is yes, And. And not only that, but. No, I don't think it is. It is. I'm not gonna argue with you. It's my show. It's something. I'm not making it up. It was taught to me. Understand? You want to talk some more? Yes, I will. Yes. And not only that, but you want to try it. Fine. Thank you. You know. So you don't want to try it? Yes. All right, now I'm confused. You do want to try it or you don't want to try it? Elliot? Correct. I'M gonna kill myself. Do you want to try a simple improv game or not always. Okay, then I. You should suggest an occupation then. I think you'll love it. No, I know, but I want to need an occupation first. No, I worked in China also. Okay, so let's say you're a spice merchant. Do you know something that I don't? You don't know. Oh, boy. All right, now something got near and dear to Brian's heart. The drops of the year. I'm excited about this one. Here they are. The nominees for best drop from a guest are. Paul Shear. Eating's not cheating. Monica Meta. Yeah. A dud of a story. Joe Coy. What the. Mick Foley. I absolutely love to suck. Artie Lang. Fucking Jews. Penn Jillette. But he got his head bit off by a fucking tiger. And Pat O'Brien. If you fuck me, you're dead. All right, Brian. And the winner is. What the fuck? Yeah. Jo Koya, buddy. All right. Worthy best guest. No, female. Ah, sorry. Best drop by a female staff member. I hope I'm in there. The nominees for best drop by a female staff member are. Allison Rosen. My female. Allison Rosen. Just tell me the truth. Do I give lousy hand jobs? Allison Rosen. Oh, sick burn. Allison Rosen. I would have blown someone for a diet coke. And Allison Rosen. And the ACE award goes too. My fiance Daniel. Yeah, one of the things you knew, I mean, you, you were. You were excited that it won, but you knew it was gonna work. Prohibitive favorite. Yeah. All right. Best male staffer. The nominees for best drop by a male staff member are. Adam Carolla. I don't know. Matt Fondelier. Boom. Adam Corolla. Who's he left? Mike Dawson. I love to ingest marijuana laced food. And Adam Corolla. And the ACE award goes to. Boom. Oh, man, I was in like four out of five categories. You gotta give it up for the Porcelain Punisher. I expected pussy lips to be the winner. Upset winner. Ah, well, you don't want to upset Winter by not using GoToMeeting. That's right. The holidays. They're upon us, man. People are sick. They're staying home, they're on vacation. Whatever. You can't get the team together. Well, now you can go to meeting brought to you by Citrix. You can share the screen together. You can work on documents and spreadsheets. You can work on projects in real time. Not that fake time. Not the simulated wood time. Real time. Use your webcam and HD video conferencing. Smart, fast, easy Start hosting meetings in seconds from Your Mac, your PC, smartphone. Use your tablet if you like. You sign up 30 days free. That's right, a 30 day free trial. No credit card required. Go to GoToMeeting. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the try it free button. Use the promo code Adam. That's GoToMeeting.com promo code Adam. All right, now we're getting to the heart of the order here. Save the best for last. Best friend of the show. The nominee for best friend of the show are. David Allen Greer. Do something like do some old school Isaac Hayes or, or, Or. Oh, Teddy Pendergrass. Turn up the lights and light a candle and I will rub you down. Cause you're not that fat. I said to get it out. By the way, white guys sing about all the stuff they're not going to do to you. Like, I'm not going to bring you down and I'm not going to follow you up. Young girl, get out of my life. You're not that fat. And I want black guys sing about what they're going to do to you and pound that ass. Put my shoe in your ass. Turn them out. I'm gonna box them titties. I wonder if you ever covered. I'd like to get to know you. I'd like to get to know you before I you, baby. I'd like to get to know you. Shadow box with your titties. That would be funny. Every funny session. Like spanking our gang, whoever. And this is just about a young couple kind of grooving on each other's vibe. So you just ooze and I. Yeah, it's just kind of your background, just kind of harmonizing. So just like. I'd like to get to know you Teddy's mama. Teddy. Teddy. We just like. Just a little harmony. We brought you in here because you could harmonize. I'd like to fuck your sister and make her lick your. While I'm digging them. All right, hold on. Chad stopped it recording for a second. Stopped recording. Jay Moore. I think everybody should have a big mama. Got it all next to the phone at all times. I would use it if I ordered, like Chinese takeout and the guy was 20 minutes late. Yo, don't fuck up with the MSG, please. That's right. Because you motherfuckers. I got gas. Yeah, right, right. Just someone now. Yeah, or I'd need them to call, like the cable company. And when they do that thing where they go, leave the window open between like 8am and 4pm we'll have. I'm here now. That's right. That's what I'm. Get your ass here at 8:30. Don't make Mr. Corolla wait. There you go. God damn, that's nuts. Say what again? I saw the movie. I know all of it. That's the power of pine soul, baby. Maybe. You know, I'd even use it for personal stuff. Like you could call my dad. Tell me you're a little bit disappointed. Adam's running late. I don't know what to tell you. I raised three sons they all named Dante different spellings Now D H, O, N, T E, D O, N, T, A, Y and D O, N, T, E Cuz he's classic, he's classical Big mama got it all Big mama got it all Allison, you pick up and say Wildflower Pizza. Please hold. We need a ring. And Bald Brian on sound effects. Wildflower Pizza. Please hold. Oh, hell, no. You ain't put me on hold, motherfucker. I was on hold last time. Y'all motherfuckers kept me on for two minutes. I'm trying to get Adam Crow, the pizza girl try to do the thing where you get a split pizza like half mushroom, half Canadian bacon. But she wants to charge you full, full price for each item. I don't like when they do that. I appreciate you not putting me on hold. That shows good management skills and I respect it. I would like you. I'm gonna tell you, if you stop interrupting me, I will let you know exactly everything that I need. Mr. Adam Carolla would like a large pizza, as large as you can make it. If you're gonna stretch the dough an extra inch, he ain't gonna complain about the extra inch of dough on that pizza, girl. But listen, it's gotta be half plain and the other half is Canadian bacon. All right. We will have to charge you full price. Full price for what now? For special orders. What's special about a pizza at a pizza place, girl? Well, it's half and half. I don't like your attitude. I would like to speak to a manager immediately. See, on the golf course, that's not your ball. At the airport, when they wanted me to take my belt off. Oh, you think he's gonna hide a bomb in his belt? That's right. Huh? They want me to take my toiletries and put it in a Ziploc bag. What the fuck is it? Toiletry. It's like a tree that grows toilets. That's weird. Oh, I'm just kidding. You're so funny. Big Mama got it all. Gets all Your jokes. Adam and Jo Koy. We enjoy your restaurant. Oh, so delicious. We love the orange chicken. As I said, my kids are big fans. Oh, they look very cute. And again, I'm not comfortable playing the celebrity card, but I am. Am a bit of a celebrity. Okay, you. Yes, a celebrity. A celebrity celebrity. And I don't like to play the celebrity car. If you were to play a celebrity, who would you. No, no, you keep going down this road. I was on a show called Celebrity Apprentice. Oh, celebrity, Celebrity, Celebrity. Celebrity. Celebrity Apprentice. One moment. Let me see. They probably saw it. Celebrity. Celebrity Apprentice. You gotta say it right. No, no. Well, you're not saying it right. They say they have a mandarin orange. No cerebre. All right. It's not a dish. I don't feel like you're. Asparagus. You want the asparagus? Now ask a. If they know. Have you heard of the show Dancing with the Stars? No, I'm asking you. Let's see if we have a menu. Dancing. Dancing. Okay, okay. No, My wife and I and my children could just go sit in that empty booth right there just before. Been empty for 20 minutes. While we still. They are underway. I don't see how you know that. I had a reservation under one name. Okay. I am the Rooster. No, we need you to. We need a zodiac sign. Rooster? No. Chinese calendar. Nobody's gonna check. No, these guys name like, I'm five foot one, full head of hair. No, I love to play Pai Gow. All day, all night with flip flop on. Is it Chung Wag Bang Lo Su? You know I love you, Brown Sugar. I love you, too. I feel like you'd be more comfortable. Yeah. Underneath the sink next to the cottage cab, we got some. What are you trying to say? Baking soda. Just. It's set in their ways. I never liked that. Well, they're just from a different time when the brown sugar was with the brown sugar and the white sugar was with the white sugar and the powdered sugar and the white. You know, they didn't commingle. Listen, can I say something? Yeah. You like oatmeal? It's fantastic. You put a little milk in that. Yeah, the milk. Sprinkle some. Sprinkle some brown sugar. Yeah, no, we. We know this in. Oh, good morning. We'll come down and get you there. You're not gonna put me next to Febreze in Cascade, motherfucker. First off, I am a condiment. I thought Febreze. I want to be next to Chase. I didn't know there's an Actual thing. I don't think you can move into the pantry right now. I just don't feel like we're ready for that. But we do need security. If we could be like a clipboard and a turtleneck. If you could just kind of. You want other people that look like you from getting into the pantry. Listen, I love you. I just feel like we should have this conversation under the sink. Gotta love that. A lot of diversity in the show this year. Ah, yes. The winner for best friend of the show is Jo Coy. And brings it. This truly is a category where there are no losers. We're all winners for once. You know, once you have the reputation for bringing it, then you must bring it. I love that about all these guys. And last but not least, rant of the year. The nominees for rant of the year are Huffington Post. Huffington Post has come out story that says Adam Carolla to Gavin Newsom. What's wrong with blacks and Latinos? It's not what I said to Gavin Newsom. I didn't bring up blacks and Latinos. He brought up blacks and Latinos. But let me now take this moment to talk to all the pussies that are out there trying to stir things up and turn me into a racist. I got something called a pirate ship. Huffington Post. I don't give a fuck about you and your fucking opinions. Every. Ooh, hold on. Did you hear that sound? That was the sound of me selling a bottle of Mangria, you pussies. That was the sound of me selling another book, and that was the sound of another ticket being sold in another city. I'm coming to to sell out another theater and sell another 40 cases of mangria, you fucking pussies. And if I was on radio and I was on tv, I would have to apologize. I have a program director in here right now getting me to apologize. For what? Telling the truth? For telling a politician to do the fucking job. Who, by the way, a politician who brought up the topic. I did not bring it up to him. He brought it up. I told him, let's find the answer to this problem. I. I danced with him for 20 minutes, and he came up with nothing other than I've oversimplified things by suggesting dads should stick around and raise their kids good. I think that is a simple answer. Keep going, Huffington posed. Keep pointing fingers at people that speak out. Good job, media. Silence everyone who says there's a problem. Silence everyone who attempts to take these people and really earnestly get them out of poverty to really Earnestly try to look at the problem realistically. To look at the problem of violence, to look at the problem of education, to look at the socioeconomic problem. Someone who really honestly tries to take a look at this problem, you silence them by calling them a racist. You have the racist finger out all the time, but the finger you use for personal responsibility, that stays up your ass, that never leaves your asshole, you hypocritical pussy. Anyway, I have built a pirate ship. I know you guys would love to get a fucking boycott going. Go ahead, pussies, get your boycott going. I own the fucking building. I own the building. I own the fucking mics. I own all of you. I own everything. You can't do shit. See, you notice. You notice. If I was on radio, they'd be going to cbs. We demand he apologize. Oh, if I was on Comedy Central, they go to Comedy Central. We demand he apologize. No one demands I apologize, but go ahead and try anyway. Pussies, have fun. That'll be the first 20 minutes I do on Sunday show. Come on down, you fucking hypocritical pussies. Tagging. What are we talking about? Taggers? Yeah. Can we stop start executing these? They're making our city look like, by the way, how come it's a whole bunch of PSAs on clicketer ticket and 55 saves lives and it's non stop discussion that any tagger talk whatsoever. Anyone want to make a move on this? Anyone want to discuss this? Los Angeles is a filthy post apocalyptic mess. Yeah, it's a mess. There's nothing, there's nowhere you can go that isn't tagged up. Somebody tweeted me a picture of the LA zoo where a cactus, one of those agave cactus had been tagged but not spray painted. Well, in la there's boulders are spray painted. They spray paint on nature. This had been scraped, scratched into the back of the cacti. Liz, the. This is a LA zoo. They're taking Sharpies. Listen, I didn't want to go racial on anyone's ass, but these Jews, they have. What? What's funny? Why is that funny? That must, you must think it's some other nationality then it's you guys are all racist then. We live in a fucking. We live in a wildly depressing city where cacti at the fucking zoo is tagged. Can somebody, can some fucking buddy in LA city council fucking first address it as a problem, recognize it, address it and fucking do something about it. Just like they would do at any other problem that involved us giving them money. Oh, because we Had a problem. We had a problem with parking meters. What was the problem? Someone would put 50 cents in a parking meter and drive away and leave 11 minutes on the parking meter. And then you would come in and get a free 11 minutes. So we must address that problem. That's a fucking huge problem. Yeah, that's out of control. City was literally averaging nothing. Oh, God forbid taxpayers get a free fucking 11 minutes on a fucking street we pay for so that that problem is addressed immediately. Oh, they're burning the midnight oil trying to figure out a fucking parking meter that goes back to zero when your car pulls away. Because the scourge of the free nine minutes must end. Otherwise you want your kids raised in a society where daddy can park for free for nine minutes on a fucking street that he already paid for. No, ancestors aren't alive to see that. We need the greatest scientific minds in the community to come together. But this fucking disgusting, visual depressing methadone bombshell that's dropped on me every time I leave the house. No problemo. Why? Because there's nothing a nickel in it for these money grubbing who just want your tax dollars. Other than that, I have no thoughts on it. Jesus Christ. Lemmings, rise up. Rise up. Lemmings. Inspirational and Gavin Newsom. The politicians sit there with their arms folded because they're cowards and they're pushing and they're in the job. Their job is being reelected. Not saving poor people, not helping poor people, not saving brown people, not saving kids from shooting kids or black on black crime or poverty. That's not their job. Their job is to get reelected. So they sit there. That's their job. I don't blame Gavin Newsom. Gavin's a nice guy who doesn't want to do shit and doesn't want to say a word because he wants to be reelected. And if he starts speaking his mind and he knows knows the truth. And by the way, Gavin Newsom, he comes from a broken family too, right? His dad was the head counsel for Getty Oil, okay? His dad's an attorney for Getty Oil. Growing up. He didn't grow up without having to make ends meet. That's such bullshit. The attorney for the biggest oil company. One of the biggest oil companies around. That's what your dad did. And you're trying to fucking have us play a violin for you and your hardscape gravel upbringing so you can be one of them? Are you nuts? I'd love to know what schools he went to. I'd love to know all the private Schools and nannies and all the places he was toted around. But all right, Gavin Newsom and Viragosa, Governor Brown, all you guys, you have to walk the walk and talk the talk and shut your holes because you got to get reelected. I understand that. That's your job. I don't want you reelected. But you can't say a word because you'll get thrown out on your ass. This is an epidemic. It's an epidemic. What's going on in the black community is an epidemic. And it's an epidemic that's involving people dying every day. If this was sickle cell, you guys would be talking about it. But it's not. It's a social issue. It's involves family. It involves some judgment and some finger pointing. And you're not willing to do that because you're pussy cowards. You are willing to point fingers at me. You have no problem with that fucking finger. You'll point fingers at me all day long, but you won't point fingers where they belong, which is at these families. And consequently, kids are living in poverty. Generations are rolling over in poverty. And they're dying, dying. They're shooting each other, they're stabbing each other. They're killing each other. You won't say a word. Have it your way. Nobody say a fucking word. And then we'll watch all the black and brown people just. Just go off into poverty and we'll hear all the stories about all the 14 year olds on the streets of Chicago being shot by other 14 year olds. Is that your plan, you coward pussies? I love me some me. Wow, it's good to leave off the year on an up note, you know, I would like to point out that there were considerably less rants this year than in all of the previous years of ACE Awards, so. Oh, no, you're losing out a little bit. All right, I'm losing my rant edge. Do we have a winner? The winner for Rant of the year is Gavin Newsom. God willing, him or Villa Rugosa will be governor of this great state so we can get it back on track. Well, just for more material, they both have visions for the future. It's gonna be awesome. All right. Speaking of visions for the future, can we drink some beer? Yeah, baby. That's a vision for the future. Yeah. Barbecuing, beer, having a little party I want to thank. Speaking of beer, stone Brewery and Saint Archer as well, they brought us some very nice IPAs for our party and beyond. Because, you know, I cut everyone off, of course. Gotta Save some for the kids. Yeah. Because buzz driving is drunk driving. All right. I want to thank you guys for making this an incredible year. I want to thank you for supporting us. I want to thank you for coming out and seeing us. It's great when we go do these shows and we sell out these shows and everyone comes and says hi and wants to take a picture and they're like so supportive and they brought their mom. Sucks. Yeah. I'm going to carry all the gifts home. Dads and the moms and they brought everyone around and they got you a marine and they got their little coin and they're giving it to you. It's just awesome. Again, thank you for the support. Click through the banner@adamcrolic.com and do your all your holiday shopping. That away. And Dawson and Lynch and Gary Gio. Oh, Giovanni. Always Giovanni for doing the. No, there she. Oh. Oh, no. Giovanni. I'm sorry. I thought he was copying on an email. Hey, my bad. Great Giovanni for doing archival work. So until next time, Ms. Anna Crow Browns and Rosen and Ball Brian saying mahalo. The ACE Awards are a Corolla digital presentation produced by Mike Dawson, Gary Smith and Mike lynch, associate producers Chris Laksamana, Kalyn Bean and Mike Altier. Get ready for some big news from Corolla Digital in 2014. Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games in these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Betonline. The game starts here. All right, this is Adam Cooler Show 1232 From 2013, the 6th Annual ACE Awards coming up tomorrow will be featuring the 7th and 8th ACE Awards. Hope you guys tune in for those. Until next time, mahalo and get it on SA SA.