NYC Spends 1.6 Million on Panic Buttons + Comedian Ben Gleib

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode Summary: "NYC Spends 1.6 Million on Panic Buttons + Comedian Ben Gleib"

Release Date: May 6, 2025

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes comedian Ben Gleib as his guest. The episode delves into a variety of topics, ranging from personal travel mishaps and societal issues to the intricacies of the comedy industry. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key discussions, insights, and memorable moments from the episode.

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1. Airport Adventures and Frustrations ([03:08] - [12:09])

Ben Gleib kicks off the conversation by sharing his recent travel experiences, highlighting the challenges he faced at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX). Ben recounts getting locked out of the self-service kiosks while attempting to check in for his flight.

Ben Gleib [04:16]: "And then the woman who worked for Delta or American or whatever airline we're flying on came by and we said, what's going on with the machine? And she said, well, you got to go check in in person."

The discussion intensifies as Ben and his companion, Mike, debate the airline representative's rigid enforcement of the 45-minute cutoff before takeoff. Their frustration mounts as they realize they're within the acceptable window yet face unwarranted restrictions.

Ben Gleib [06:31]: "She did the hand, she did the hand move. She made a sound. She said, no, take off."

After multiple attempts to resolve the issue, Ben and Mike decide to approach the check-in desk directly, successfully checking their bags but left bewildered by the inconsistent communication from airline staff.

2. Real ID Complications and Identity Confusion ([07:22] - [12:09])

The conversation shifts to the complexities surrounding the Real ID system. Ben narrates another incident where an airline agent questions his Real ID status, causing further delays and confusion about travel dates.

Ben Gleib [10:07]: "She goes, oh, you got to get the real ID. I go, shut the up. Shut the up. Just shut up."

The dialogue underscores the frustrations travelers face with evolving identification requirements and the lack of flexibility from service personnel.

3. Robert De Niro's Transgender Family Member ([12:09] - [19:24])

Ben Gleib and Jason Mayhem Miller delve into a contentious topic regarding actor Robert De Niro's family. Ben expresses skepticism and frustration over media coverage of De Niro's child coming out as transgender, questioning the clarity and language used in reporting.

Ben Gleib [13:15]: "Robert De Niro shares love and support for his daughter Aaron after she comes out as transgender."

The discussion becomes increasingly critical as Ben voices his discontent with transgender narratives, using derogatory language and expressing a lack of understanding and empathy.

Ben Gleib [18:56]: "Do we need to stop supporting these fucking retard narcissists?"

This segment reflects Ben's controversial stance on transgender issues, generating a heated exchange among the hosts.

4. Waymo Driverless Cars and Noise Pollution in Santa Monica ([20:57] - [28:24])

The hosts transition to a news segment about Waymo's driverless cars operating in Santa Monica. Residents have raised concerns over the incessant beeping noises from the cars' backup systems, which disrupt the neighborhood's tranquility.

Ben Gleib [25:22]: "All right, the backup beeper is now officially more harm than good. If you can't get the fuck out of the way, that's on you."

Ben criticizes the necessity and implementation of these alerts, arguing that most situations don't warrant such disruptive noise.

Ben Gleib [28:24]: "All they need is to figure it out. I can't take it anymore. Every van, every truck, everything has a fucking backup beeper."

The segment highlights the tension between technological advancements and their unintended impacts on communities, emphasizing Ben's frustration with pervasive noise pollution.

5. Vaping Culture and Societal Observations ([28:24] - [39:18])

A brief discussion ensues about the evolution of vaping. Ben comments on society's shifting perceptions, noting how vaping once stigmatized tobacco use has morphed to encompass cannabis, leading to a more accepted stance.

Ben Gleib [38:43]: "We're so fucked up as a culture that we were all against vaping when it was tobacco, but then at some point, vaping became pot and now we're cool."

The conversation touches on the complexities of substance use and societal acceptance, though it remains a minor topic compared to others.

6. Inside the Comedy Industry: Challenges and Dynamics ([37:34] - [85:30])

Ben Gleib provides an in-depth look into his journey within the comedy scene, discussing the hurdles of booking shows, training at the Groundlings, and navigating industry expectations.

Ben Gleib [70:23]: "I was on the record. Are you familiar? Has it been this long?"

Ben shares his experiences with group improv, highlighting the difficulties of maintaining creative integrity amidst conflicting directions from peers and bookers.

Ben Gleib [74:00]: "I blame Mike."

The dialogue explores the rigors of comedic performance, the importance of consistent feedback, and the personal struggles comedians face in sustaining their careers.

7. Jussie Smollett Settlement and Media Critique ([123:56] - [136:57])

The hosts discuss the recent settlement between New York City and Jussie Smollett, following allegations of orchestrated hate crimes. Ben critiques the media's portrayal and the city's handling of the situation, expressing skepticism about the motives behind the legal actions.

Ben Gleib [124:46]: "This is what happens. Everyone gets pulled over the most if they commit the most crime."

Ben extends his critique to broader societal and procedural issues, questioning the effectiveness and fairness of certain law enforcement practices.

8. News Segment: NYC's Investment in Panic Buttons ([110:35] - [119:58])

The episode includes a news discussion about New York City allocating $1.6 million to install panic buttons in 500 bodegas to combat rising crime rates. Ben analyzes the initiative, debating its practicality and the underlying issues of crime and policing.

Ben Gleib [119:21]: "Stop committing the lion's share of the crime and you'll stop getting profiled. That's how this is going to work, everybody."

The hosts debate the balance between technological interventions and addressing root causes of crime, reflecting on systemic challenges within urban environments.

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Notable Quotes

• Ben Gleib [04:16]: "Why can't we just get it out of the kiosk? And she said, you're too late. You're too late."

• Ben Gleib [13:40]: "Robert De Niro never said a word. Nobody knew what Robert De Niro's thoughts were other than he was an actor."

• Ben Gleib [25:22]: "All right, the backup beeper is now officially more harm than good."

• Ben Gleib [37:34]: "A lot of people should just stay home and stay home and shut up and consume."

• Ben Gleib [119:21]: "Stop committing the lion's share of the crime and you'll stop getting profiled."

Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of personal anecdotes, societal critiques, and an insider's perspective on the comedy industry. Ben Gleib engages in candid discussions, often stirring controversy with his viewpoints on sensitive topics such as transgender issues and policing practices. The conversation underscores ongoing tensions between technological advancements and their societal impacts, as well as the personal challenges faced by comedians in a competitive industry.

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Note: The podcast exhibits strong opinions and uses language that may be offensive to some listeners. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

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[Ben Glebe]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Ben Glebe]

This episode, comedian Ben Gleave is back to chop it up and bring the funny. Mayhem's got the news and we'll do all that right after this. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for all your sports betting action. Baseball season is in full swing now and we're into NBA, got the playoffs, got NHL playoffs. BetOnline has more ways to stay in on the action with the latest odds, news and scores. Bet online even as live in game betting while the games are being played. So it's never too late to get in on the action. With the largest selection of odds on everything from NLB, NBA, NHL and UFC, BetOnline remains the best online source for all your sports wagering info. And don't forget golf and professional boxing too. In between games, head on over to Betonline Casino with all the top Vegas style games including poker and live casino. Betonline. The game starts here. All right, this show brought to you in part by SimpliSafe. If you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again. Just go to simplisafe.com Adam get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well to set it up. Custom system is going to show up post [e-mail] Adam.

[Dawson]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Ben Gleb. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now people are still buzzing about his Met Gala outfit.

[Ben Glebe]

Adam Corolla yeah, get it on. Got to get on the church. Yeah man, good to see you Mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, get it on.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. All right. So back from Florida and I got thoughts, I got thoughts stuff. First off, I Don't know what happened to everyone. But when did adults get this dumb? And especially adults who work in a specific business. The thing about a trade, when you're in a trade, you actually know the trade. You understand how it goes, you understand the fight game, and then there's trades. And they would understand the trades. I had a long run, did a bunch of shows in Florida, and it started leaving LA. And I got to LA, LAX, went to the airport, got there about 8:05 in the morning. And I went to go get the kiosk to get the bag tag for the merch.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Bag, Talk to the robot, talk to.

[Ben Glebe]

The robot, get the merch, get the kiosk tag. And I punch in the stuff. And it said, you know, you're locked out. Then August showed up and he punched in his thing and it said, you're locked out. And then the woman who worked for Delta or American or whatever airline we're flying on came by and we said, what's going on with the machine? And she said, well, you got to go check in in person. You got to go to the counter. We said, well, why can't we just get it out of the kiosk? And she said, you're too late. You're too late. It's 45 minutes before the flight takes off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's the cutoff.

[Ben Glebe]

You get locked off, you get locked out. Yes. So Mike and I both looked at our watch and said, the flight is at 9:05am It's 8:11.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's gonna be math in this part of the talk.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, not as much as you. Not as much as you think.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Minus five, but it's one hour forward.

[Ben Glebe]

I just went, so you carry the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is it 60 I have to do?

[Ben Glebe]

I just said five. It's more than 45 minutes for when the flight takes off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I get it.

[Ben Glebe]

The flight's 9:05 and now. And this is 8:11.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know if your math changes.

[Ben Glebe]

And she goes, yeah, 45 minutes locked off. Then I said, again, yeah, but not 45 before the flight. You mean 45 before boarding. And she said, no, takeoff. And I said, yeah, but we're outside of 45 before takeoff. And she said, yeah, 45 take off, you get locked out. And then Mike said, yeah, we're not outside. We're outside of that. We're not inside of that. We should be able to check our bag. And she goes, it's 45. And then I said, yep, from boarding, right? She went, nope, take off. And she used her hand and she.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Went American Sign language.

[Ben Glebe]

She did the hand, she did the hand move. She made a sound. She said, no, take off. She pushed her hand into the air. And I said for like the fifth time, I said, yep, we're not, we're outside of that window. It is 8:11 and our flight's 9:05.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you make a clock with your hand and go, tick, tick, tick, tick.

[Ben Glebe]

It's not 45 minutes. And she went, you guys, it's 45. And I said, okay, at a certain point, Mike and I got tired and we went to the gate. I mean we. Sorry, went to the desk and we checked in, we checked the bag, it was fine. I don't know what this woman does though. Here's my question. What the fuck do you do? What do you do? Just walk around to confuse everyone?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, but some stops helping you, you can move on to the next person. This lady is obviously an npc, well cloaked, and she just cannot get out of her script.

[Ben Glebe]

I get it, I get it. But why are you walking around fucking people up and everyone? Listen to me, listen to me. Can you entertain the notion that you may not be right about something? Can you entertain it like when I go, hey, listen, the flight's 905, it's 8:11. That's not 45 minutes. Can you stop? Can you stop and go, oh, I never. Yeah, maybe you're right. Oh no, you're right. Can you stop, can you stop and entertain the notion that the trajectory that you're on, you're on a trajectory. It's the wrong course, it's the wrong direction. Can you stop for a second and pause and go, oh, maybe I'm, maybe I'm hustling down the wrong road here. Or do we have to just dig in? Does everyone just have to dig in and go, no, this is what we're doing? I told her seven times. I was like, it's not takeoff, it can't be takeoff. It can't be takeoff. It has to be. It has to be boarding. It can't be takeoff, boarding. We're inside of that or outside of that. It can't be that. And she just kept, Never pause, never tapped on the brakes, never said anything other than we were wrong, even though she was saying something that was mathematically nonsensical.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Their job is just to corral, corral, corral, say the same words over and over again. Just corral people that way.

[Ben Glebe]

I get it. But when you have two smart, smart, ish white dudes, like, well, I didn't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Know there's a racial component to this.

[Ben Glebe]

You kind of were doing an accident. I mean, listen, we came up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm forgiven. At Portia, every male flight attendant probably gay, and every lady behind the counter probably black.

[Ben Glebe]

The group that came up with Porsche and put the man on the moon, the white guys, you know, I'm just saying, like, at a certain point. Maybe at a certain point, just pause. Just tap, tap the break. Just pause and go. What's that again? Let's see, 9:05. Yeah, it is 8. 11. So that's probably not under 45.

[Unknown]

Just.

[Ben Glebe]

That's all. Just a pause.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We have vastly different airport experiences. I walk through the whole airport and basically get over the pants handy the whole time.

[Ben Glebe]

What do you mean? In the pat down?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, no, I'm just saying that part too. That's just for extra fun.

[Ben Glebe]

I. I'm just like. I. All right, so we just went to the counter. We checked in. That was fine. Then today, earlier today, I just flew out of. Flew out of Florida. I get the real ID discussion, and I don't know who are the coach up people. So we pull in, we're trying to check the bag, and the chick behind the counter goes. She looks at my license and she goes, oh, you have the real ID yet? You have the sar? I go, not yet. She goes, oh, oh, wow, we're past the date. I go, oh, I need to realize, yeah, there's a problem. And I'm like, for a millisecond, not a millisecond, like five seconds, I'm like, oh, I'm not flying today. Then I'm not flying. I'm not leaving Florida. Yeah. I go, what is. When is this? She goes, that is May 7th. We go. Then Mike goes, it's May 5th, right? And she goes, you gotta get the real ID. And Mike goes, but wait, what's today? We've been traveling for fucking four days. I don't know what day it is. Mike goes, it's a. But isn't it the. I go, mike, what day is today? She goes, you gotta get that id. Like, I'm back on my heels. Like, I'm staying in Florida. I'm not getting on this flight. She goes, seventh. Mike goes, today's the fifth, right? She goes, yeah. And I go, well, then we're good, right? She goes, yep. You got to get that real. I'm like, shut the up. Shut the up. Just shut up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I gotta.

[Ben Glebe]

I gotta. Why do you do this? Why.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why coach up From a whimsical black man who looked like Coach Carter. He's like, gotta get that id. I was like, yes, sir. So, again, just go smooth for me at the airport.

[Ben Glebe]

My new modus operandi is I stand there when the ladies start talking, you know, and they go, you got to get the real id, or you can travel with your passport, but you should go down and you need to make sure that you get it before. And I just stand and I just look at them the whole time. I never. I don't open my mouth. I don't nod my head. I don't make a peep. I give no affirmation. I do nothing. I just stand there and stare at them the whole time until they run out of fucking real estate. And then some point, they stop. And then I leave. I know. I don't nod. I don't look at them. I don't do any. I give them nothing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Refrigerator.

[Ben Glebe]

Keep. Fucking bastard. Keep talking, bitch. I'm fucking leaving. Yes, thank you. Thanks for scaring the fuck out of me and Mike. Okay. All right. So there's that. Then there's this one. And listen, we gotta fix this. The. There's an article, and the article is Robert De Niro and Robert De Niro's daughter. Son. I don't know what the fuck.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Listen, Used to be.

[Ben Glebe]

Dawson, you've been around long enough. I said, for a million years, I'm like, Robert De Niro and Bruce Springsteen never said a fucking word into a microphone other than business, either singing or acting. They never said a word. Nobody knew what Robert De Niro's thoughts were other than he was an actor. Right?

[Dawson]

The only words that Springsteen said were 1, 2, 3.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, yeah. Actually, he didn't start with 1, 2, 3, 4. I don't know what happened to 1. What happened to 1? Too confusing for Clarence. 2, 3, 4. Okay, 1, 2. Okay. The point is, De Niro never spoke. We didn't know who he was. He was a genius. He was a genius actor. He was a savant genius actor. And that's all we knew. And then at some point, he started showing up on the View. And there you're like. And now it's like, oh, this guy's an old retard. Oh, I thought he was a genius actor, but he's not. He's a fucking old retard. And we never knew. We never knew it. I always said my suspicion was De Niro is not a genius. And neither was Bruce Springsteen. They were gifted and a genius at what they did.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then he met the Fockers.

[Ben Glebe]

It did not make him an overall Genius. I mean, he had a gift, like an artist has a gift, but it doesn't make them smart. They have a gift at what they do. And he outed himself. And I, in my opinion, fucked his legacy up. Because you have to look Back to like 2002, Robert De Niro. We just went, I don't know who that guy is, but he's a fucking genius. And that's all we knew. And now we're like, that guy's a fucking libtard. That's what we think now, because he goes on the View and sounds like an ass wipe. And so now his kid is transitioning or something. But the problem. I've said it a million times. The problem with the transitioning or the trans. Any of these articles is they identify the way they. Then she went into the bathroom, then she pulled out her penis, then they raped the 9 year old with her penis and they penis. It's like, I don't know who the fuck I am. I don't know where I am. Because you guys won't. You have to do the old. Here's the thing. If I just read. Just read the headline, Dawson, you'll know what I'm talking about here. Robert De Niro.

[Dawson]

Robert De Niro shares love and support for his daughter Aaron after she comes out as transgender.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, hold on. So it's his daughter that comes out as transgender. So then his daughter's now his son.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, no.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I know, I know, I know. But it's not his daughter. His daughter didn't come out as trans. His son came out as trans and is now his daughter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is what proper of verbs? I don't know, some type of.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, read it one more time. It's always confusing.

[Dawson]

Robert De Niro shares love and support for his daughter Aaron after she comes out as transgender.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, so I'm old and I'm set in my ways, but if I see this headline, I think his daughter. His daughter comes out as trans.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got it. Yeah, it's back.

[Ben Glebe]

I have a son. I have a son. Yeah, I have a son and I have a daughter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If Sonny came out of Cher.

[Ben Glebe]

If Sonny came. If I said, Adam Carolla's son comes out as trans, how do it affect you?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Same with, though De Niro. It's like something, you know, There's a phenomenon out there.

[Ben Glebe]

I have a son, I have a daughter. If somebody said, Adam Carolla's son comes out as trans, I would assume Sonny transition. Because I have a son.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your daughter.

[Ben Glebe]

Fucking Christ. So it's his son that came out as trans, but even in the article says his daughter. And then they do she and she. It's like, shut the fuck up. Just. Well, sorry, go ahead.

[Dawson]

They also get confused themselves in Variety because the third paragraph starts with in a recent sit down with them.

[Ben Glebe]

That's the whole thing. Them, they, them. It's Jesus fucking Christ. We are so goddamn nuts. You people are so nuts. Just knock it off. It doesn't exist. These are idiots and they're nut jobs. They're nuts.

[Dawson]

De Niro says, I loved and supported Aaron. Aaron as my son. And now I love and support Aaron A I, R Y N as my daughter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Maybe it's Erin.

[Dawson]

I don't know what the big deal is.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, do we need to. Okay, wait. What's the female Aaron?

[Dawson]

I know E R, I, N E.

[Ben Glebe]

R, N. Why not just go there, right? You had Aaron. You're there. You had Aaron. You had to make up a new word for Aaron A, I, Y, N.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's the elven spelling.

[Ben Glebe]

Ah, God, these fucking people are such a mess. She's in a guild and here's the whole thing. Please, could we stop supporting these fucking retard narcissists. Could we stop it? Stop. It's our fault. We. Listen. Everyone should have been shut the fuck up. Your name's Aaron. Wimp. Get the fuck on with it. Don't care. It's so nuts.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In 25 years wall be chicks that the.

[Ben Glebe]

They did a study. There's a new study. A new study, Remember? The whole thing is, oh, would you rather have a living daughter or dead son or whatever this suicide bullshit was? It's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. It's always bullshit. All their fucking studies are always bullshit. They don't commit suicide because they can't transition. There's no higher rate or whatever.

[Dawson]

They're higher suicide rate among those who.

[Ben Glebe]

Do transition fucked up in the head. They need counseling. That's it. Not a scalpel, not drugs.

[Dawson]

Well, here's the narcissism thing. They Aaron De Niro said there's a big difference between being visible and being seen. I've been visible. I don't think I've been seen.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I like.

[Dawson]

Why, why, why?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why do you like the idea of that's her.

[Dawson]

Like, it's more like life is a stage and everyone's an actor and some of them are looking for a higher day rate.

[Ben Glebe]

It's all fucking narcissism. Please, let's stop supporting this insanity. All right, There was another story that is there Was a story about the Waymo driverless cars that were like recharged in Santa Monica. Know if you saw that Recharged?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm familiar with the product they charge.

[Ben Glebe]

I've never driven in one.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've never driven in one either. But I, you know we had a story a while back of somebody getting caught in the way to the airport and couldn't get out of it. Just had to call tech support.

[Ben Glebe]

Somebody in overseas, they, they recharge. But they all. Every thing with wheels on it now has a backup beeper. Yeah, and the backup beeper is waking up everybody in the surrounding Santa Monica, you know, area. By the way, I hate everyone who lives in Santa Monica. So I don't give a fuck about you progressive retards. I'm always like good, good. You know when they go oh, the homeless guy took a machete. Good, good, good. Get what you fucking vote for. Keep voting for that shit you idiots. But the Waymos were like backing up and I just thought what year is it? Do we need the buzzer? Do we need the backup? Does everything have to have a backup?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I like the sexy luxury car one with a.

[Ben Glebe]

Something. It doesn't have to be a beep beep. First off, who's standing in the parking lot at the waymo Place at 4am and you can get out of the way. I made it through my whole childhood with nary a backup beeper because if a trash truck was backing up you would get the fuck out of the way. You just moved. You saw the truck. The truck is huge. It's backing up. I think we have this story. Sara, play it in Santa Monica say.

[Unknown]

They are losing sleep after a fleet.

[Adam Carolla]

Of self driving cars moved in next door.

[Ben Glebe]

People living near that lot full of.

[Adam Carolla]

Waymo cars say they are having trouble resting and working in their own homes.

[Ben Glebe]

KTLA 5's Lauren Lister live now in Santa Monica with more on the ongoing noise complaints. Lauren, this is news.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi there. Maybe you've seen a Waymo driverless taxi on the road. Maybe you've even ridden in one. But some neighbors that live next to this charging station say that a noise they make is a nuisance. Waymo driverless taxis are now a part of life in SoCal.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, honestly it's pretty cool. I think the windows are awesome. Like it's a driverless car. That's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

But some neighbors next to.

[Ben Glebe]

Hold on a second. I don't know. What year is it? Do we need to talk to the guy in the street?

[Unknown]

Dude?

[Ben Glebe]

The premise of the dude on the street. You know what I mean? He was a good dude. He kept to himself. I liked the guy. I didn't know he was capable of killing everybody, but he was all right. Like, I don't know this weird. Talk to somebody who. Who offers nothing. Who offers nothing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was strolling down the street.

[Ben Glebe]

Those guys have a car. That's cool because they have. They're with the car and stuff. No, driverless car. Okay, It's a driverless car. We got it. We don't. What. What is he adding to this? Is what what I'm saying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Little local flavor there.

[Ben Glebe]

It's never done Waymo.

[Dawson]

So we asked this dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I like that guy.

[Ben Glebe]

It's not like Waymo head engineer Ross Johnson will speak to him. It's just dude in Santa Monica, unemployed, Seth tells us, hey. Yeah, well, you know, they have cars with the stuff, so that's cool. I want to hear what he add. What did he add to this story? I want to hear what this guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did with the boyish smile.

[Ben Glebe]

I like this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No cow.

[Ben Glebe]

Honestly, it's pretty cool. I think the windhoes are awesome. Like, it's a driverless car. That's pretty cool. But yeah, okay, we got it.

[Dawson]

Bite that commentary three times.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, pretty cool with the. With the car, but doesn't have the driver person. All right, well, back to you, Chad.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's in the back seat. Zoinks.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, let's hear what the rest of the story. This car, that's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

But some neighbors next to the Waymo charging station at Euclid and Broadway in Santa Monica say there is a downside they can't escape. It's the backup noise, the beeping every time a Waymo reverses.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, yeah, it's one of the most annoying noises I can think of.

[Adam Carolla]

Dozens of people have seen. A petition reads in part, the new Waymo station has turned our once peaceful neighborhood into a hub for noise pollution, an incessant disturbance that hinders both our tranquility during the day and peace during the night.

[Ben Glebe]

It's irritating. You know, this neighborhood has a lot of noise. And to add one more level to.

[Unknown]

It is not fair, I think, to this neighborhood.

[Ben Glebe]

It so I know some people have been kept up at night and then woken up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She adds to the piece.

[Ben Glebe]

A rich tapestry of information. There's people. Well, the neighborhood's already noisy, but this makes it for more noisier. And then others are. Some people have to sleep with it, but they get up because of the noise.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But, Ace, think of the Casting. She looks. She looks like she's miserable. First off, she's sad right now.

[Ben Glebe]

I saw the apartment. I know Santa Monica. Half that shit's rent control. So you can shut the fuck up, just move out. Cheap fox or eat a dick. You're fucking rent control or shut the fuck up. Because that's. This is rent control. All right? But anyway, she's. She's adding a layer of information we didn't normally have. This is a place where there's noise, but now then there's more noise.

[Dawson]

Another layer.

[Ben Glebe]

Another layer of noise. And then some people. I know people that wake up and stuff. Okay. In the middle of the night.

[Adam Carolla]

A lawyer for one neighbor says her client is kept up at night. And after he protested, Waymo took legal action.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, my.

[Adam Carolla]

Client engaged in justifiable protests.

[Ben Glebe]

And Waymo attempted to obtain a restraining.

[Adam Carolla]

Order against him, which was denied outright. Some are fans of the cars, but not of living near the station.

[Unknown]

I think it's cool, but it is.

[Ben Glebe]

Annoying that it's right there for these roommates.

[Unknown]

We live, like, right there.

[Adam Carolla]

The Waymo backup noises.

[Ben Glebe]

Roommates from home. I have to deal with this noise every time I'm like, on a call with someone.

[Adam Carolla]

In a statement, Waymo says, we strive to be good neighbors in the cities that we operate and are committed to being a positive presence in Santa Monica. We are in ongoing conversation with the city's Department of Transportation and actively working to explore and implement mitigations that address neighbors concerns. Waymo would not comment on that neighbor's legal issues. Now, as for the city of Santa Monica does say that they are working with Waymo to resolve the issue.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, can I say this? The backup beeper is now officially more harm than good. If you can't get the fuck out of the way, that's on you. I can't take it anymore. Every van, every truck, every delivery, every Waymo, every garbage truck, everything has a fucking backup beeper. Everything. Everything. I mean, literally every truck you get from Home Depot, every forklift, everything is just fucking knock it off, we're done. Or figure it out.

[Dawson]

Well, these are driverless cars. In a driverless car recharging.

[Ben Glebe]

So what are they doing?

[Dawson]

Who are they alerting to their presence? No one.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, Ace, you're the reverse Ralph Nader.

[Ben Glebe]

Unsafe at any speed. These way MO's are just in Europe. They have some sort of sound. I don't know what it is, but it's not neat, neat, neat. It's like. It works to shoo people also. All right, let's all just put our minds together. Can we just do this?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm trying.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, I want everyone to put their thinking hat on. In your life, in your entire life, do you know anybody who got backed over? Does anyone know anyone here? I'll give you two options. Here's the two options. Died of secondhand smoke or backed over. Because my entire adult life I've been either hearing neat, neat, neat or hearing about secondhand smoke.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now, the Russian kid from Star Trek.

[Ben Glebe]

That kid got pinned against the gate in a Jeep Cherokee. Yeah, but if the backup it wasn't backing up. All right, don't think you can fucking squeeze your shitty stories past me. I know every story.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know, bud.

[Ben Glebe]

He got pinned.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know, I know.

[Ben Glebe]

Because.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, I get it in the affirmative here.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm saying the backup beeper in secondhand smoke every 10ft I have to be alerted about secondhand smoke and backup beepers. I'm fucking done. Leave it alone. It's done. No more wait for somebody to get backed over. I've never. I don't know anyone's ever backed over. I've never been in danger. Has it ever happened where like a cement mixer was just backing up and you were just standing behind it going, huh?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, but it was back when I was drinking.

[Ben Glebe]

Fucking bullshit. It drives me nuts. And good. I. Anytime anyone in Santa Monica can be annoyed, I'm happy. Sorry, is there a few seconds left? I like the guy and his roommate. Me too. This is why I couldn't be a reporter. Cuz they're like, we're home all day. How about you get a fucking job, bro? And then you would leave and then you wouldn't have to hear the backup beeper because you would be in a place called work where people go to make money.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, boys, codes are being violated. They also say a challenge is that they don't have jurisdiction to regulate Waymo. That's done at the state level. They also say federal regulations require. Require vehicles like this to beep when backing up loud enough to alert pedestrians or cyclists. That's the latest here in Santa Monica. I'm Lauren Lister, KTLA 5 News.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Can we just step on the phone though?

[Ben Glebe]

Can I say this though? The backup beeper does not need to travel 70 nautical miles. It doesn't need to travel that. Every backup beeper I've heard, I've been in bed on the second floor of a fucking house. And that street is across the street. It's like it's down the street.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You didn't get hit, so it's working.

[Ben Glebe]

I know. I'm in bed. Like, I. Why do I need to hear it from. Okay. Why do I need to hear it from a thousand feet away? Couldn't it just be contained to 20ft?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's what I'm talking about. The luxury vehicles with the. That should be standard.

[Ben Glebe]

My grandfather, Laszlo Gorak, old Jew. He had a sound. He. He had a sound. He made a sound. Old Jews have sounds. Ben Glebe will tell us about the sounds. He had a sound. I'd be sleeping on a sofa. He'd come in and want me to pee in the bucket. This is not to pee in a sofa. He'd come in and go. And I'd be like, huh. What? I'd wake up. He didn't have a fucking air horn like he was starting regatta. He would just. He'd just make a little sound and that was enough. It alerted me is what I'm saying. He didn't do it. From across the street. He just. You could hear him. Why? The range.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He signaled you like you're getting out of Alcatraz.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, the Europeans have some sort of backup sound that's like a. Or something. Which is fine. You could do it. First off, you have to be standing behind the car. Like, you have to be within 8ft of the car. Why are people. These guys live upstairs in an apartment on the other block. Why are they hearing it? Is what I'm saying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think they overcompensate because a trash truck, they really don't want you running into it. They really don't want a car running into it. So they're just going overboard.

[Ben Glebe]

Everything is the same. It's all the same decibels. It's all fucking loud. It's all annoying. And we're all coached up. Nobody's behind a trash truck anymore. The European low frequency backup beeper, also known as a white noise or multi frequency alarm, is designed to warn people. Yeah. Vehicle. While minimizing noise pollution.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

See, I guess I got it right. Low frequency. I know.

[Ben Glebe]

We have the technology, okay? We have the technology for a robot driverless car. Don't we have the technology for a backup beeper? That's not neat. Neat. We don't have the technology for that. We have a car with no driver that you can summon with your phone and we'll take you wherever you want. The city. We don't have the technology for the backup beeper.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sorry, Ace. Just not up to it. Let the eggheads in China figure it out.

[Ben Glebe]

All right? Ben Gliebus out there. One of my favorites. We'll take a quick break. We'll bring him in right after this. Homes.com Some might say that homes.com is the best home shopping site. Yeah, some would say that. I might say it myself. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's at. Homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. Homes.com we've done your homework. Oh, Riley Auto Parts, you know the jingle woo. Yeah. They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need to keep that car maintained and to keep those repairs going. Cars aren't cheap anymore. You got to really get your use out of them. Always. Big fan, O'Reilly. Like the way the place smells in there. Yeah, I like the way, you know, some people like a library smell. I like an auto parts smell. So whether you're an aficionado of cars or a novice, you're going to find employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam.

[Unknown]

People are so weird. It's just so hard to meet people. People are weird on dates. They say strange things. I had a date a few years ago and I was having nice normal, light first date conversation. And then out of the clear blue sky, she got real deep on me. Out of nowhere, out of the clear blue sky, she goes, I just hope that one day we can unwind some part of the male patriarchal system that's been in control for so long. I said, okay, I won't ask you to call me daddy. Then.

[Dawson]

Ben Glebe is on the Adam Carolla Show.

[Ben Glebe]

Ben Gleb back in studio. Yeah, got a lot going on. A lot going on. Ben Gleb does good to see my friend. And Ben's got the. Well, are there dates? Let's see. The fifth anniversary of its virtual comedy show, Glebe Off Top is available off the top.

[Unknown]

I don't know why that got left off.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I was Gonna say it was missing something grammatical off the top. I'll write that in there.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Ben Glebe]

That's available on Zoom. Available on Zoom.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sunday, you're gonna have a Zoom party.

[Unknown]

Sunday, March 25th. Yeah. I do a monthly virtual show for the last five years.

[Ben Glebe]

Hold on. March or May?

[Unknown]

That's a great question. May 25th. People from around the world join and we have a virtual. We exist in Madtown. My fans are the mad ones. I'm the Mad king, and we have this very weird, improvised, strange show. I smoke weed with the audience during the show. And it's just a weird show. It's a lot of fun. Cameron, Mike on. They get to be with me in the studio. 25th. [e-mail]. you can be part of it. You can be.

[Ben Glebe]

I just got back from Florida and every third sign was vape. The vape king, the vape. Everything was vape. And then I sort of realized we're so fucked up as a culture that we were all against vaping when it was tobacco, but then at some point, vaping became pot and now we're cool. Like, oh, that's good.

[Unknown]

And I think that's helped also bring vaping with tobacco back or nicotine vaping back. Because I do some of that and I shouldn't. I don't buy them. But sometimes someone leaves it at my house and I'm now a vapor for the next month until it runs out of juice. I really love it. It makes so much smoke. It's a very exciting experience.

[Ben Glebe]

The tobacco vape.

[Unknown]

Correct.

[Ben Glebe]

We're so.

[Unknown]

I don't think it's tobacco, it's nicotine.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, nicotine. Sorry.

[Unknown]

I wish.

[Ben Glebe]

We are so fucking stupid as a society. I talk to so many dumb people all the time.

[Unknown]

I'm one of them. Like, I. I think it's very dumb to do and I.

[Ben Glebe]

No, it's not. It's fine. Okay. It doesn't.

[Unknown]

It's okay.

[Ben Glebe]

I've explained to people over and over, nicotine is not a thing. It doesn't really matter. It's like caffeine. Who gives a fuck? Nicotine is not bad for you. Nicotine is fine. Nicotine probably has some benefits, right? So shut the up with your nicotine talk. What's bad is the smoke part, right? But not the vapor part.

[Unknown]

The cheap Chinese coil that they're making for $0.01 whenever you're smoking that all day.

[Ben Glebe]

Fucking nuts commercials, like vaping brain poison stuff. It's not. We're not. It's secondhand fucking smoke. It's Non stop talk. Shut the fuck up. Your kid's fat. He's eating bullshit all day. There's coloring and everything. His brain is fucking fried from staring at his phone. Don't worry about vaping. Don't worry about nicotine. It's like, but are you not worried.

[Unknown]

About the cheap Chinese coil? We're heating up and inhaling through that all day.

[Ben Glebe]

You're. Everyone is eating shit. We're like ingesting shit.

[Unknown]

That's true.

[Ben Glebe]

Focus on that. Once we got that cleared up, we can get to the vape or the nicotine or the coil. But until then, shut the fuck up.

[Unknown]

Thank God for rfk. He's taking all the brain worms for us. He's taking them on the dome for us.

[Ben Glebe]

Everything. It's like, we need the kids because they have to eat with the SNAP program and stuff. They're all fat. They're all morbidly obese. Don't worry about their food. Less food. They should be eating less.

[Unknown]

Cutting benefits to poor children.

[Ben Glebe]

I think that's for sure. Cut it. They're fucking fat, Ben.

[Unknown]

Right?

[Ben Glebe]

Knock it the fuck off.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

It's better for them. Let their fucking parents make them.

[Unknown]

They should probably move. They should probably move more, I think. They're not moving a lot.

[Ben Glebe]

They're not moving. They're eating shit. They. They're fine. And by the way, we don't need snap for fucking Mountain Dew and pastries. Let them fucking eat something healthy.

[Unknown]

It's a strong point.

[Ben Glebe]

Then they do this thing all the time. It's like, why do you get to tell people, listen, if you want to make your own money and buy your own food, then eat whatever the fuck you want. But if you want to take money from the government, then there get to be rules like your fucking stepdad had. He's going to give you money, then he'll have some thoughts. If you want to move out, get a job, then you do whatever the fuck you want. It's not. This whole thing is like, well, these kids can't buy Mountain Dew. Yes, they can. They can use their own money to buy this shit.

[Unknown]

Well, stepdad is a perfect analogy for the government's relationship to us. I think that is everybody abusive. Stepdad for sure. But also, if you're not gonna cover Mountain Dew with the SNAP program, then how is a child gonna lose his tooth and then hide that fact from his parents? They have to be able to dissolve that tooth.

[Ben Glebe]

Over in the Mountain Dew, there is a miniature pastry shop where I'm renting a home. Miniature.

[Unknown]

How Tiny. Are we talking?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I'm imagining gingerbread house.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Picture. Like, it's like, it's a little scale.

[Ben Glebe]

It is literally the size of this booth. It is the size of this booth. All it sells is pastry. It just says pastry. Yeah, it's not pastry. It's nothing but pastry.

[Unknown]

It's not even plural. It's one pastry.

[Ben Glebe]

It's just one. We have one pastry. You better get here if you like it or not with one ladyfinger. That's all we have. Accepts. It says ebt. It says accepts ebt. And I'm like, who needs pastry? Nobody needs pastry. They shouldn't be accepting this fucking shit. You don't need pastry with an ebt. Like, what about the shame? You then get a job, buy your own pastry, or better yet, eat no pastry. I mean, how about.

[Unknown]

First of all, it's bothering me the most that you're just not pluralizing the word every time you're saying that. It just feels wrong. It feels very wrong.

[Ben Glebe]

Eat your own pa. Well, I'm assuming you just have one.

[Unknown]

Just the one. What food do you want covered under government organization? Plain bread only.

[Ben Glebe]

No, I want.

[Unknown]

I went to Element.

[Ben Glebe]

First off, all things healthy. No bullshit, no soda, no bullshit. By the way, would. Okay. Would they cover cigarettes? The answer would be no, right? It'd be a big hard fucking no.

[Unknown]

But vaping would be fine according to your rules. Include vaping.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm just saying. Democrats, would you cover cigarettes with your ebt? If the answer is no, then don't cover cupcakes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How about the Jewel lobby coming around? They'll get it. Bpt.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay. If you won't, you don't cover cigarettes because they're bad for you. Okay, fine. So don't cover anything that's bad for you.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I mean the Jewel lobby is powerful though. And you end up. If you go down that road, you end up living in your car with crooked teeth singing folk songs.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big tobacco gets you one way or another.

[Ben Glebe]

There's a Yelp article for cake shops in LA that accept ebt. There should be no exceptions of EBT.

[Unknown]

For cake shop counter argument. There's a lot of gluten free cakes these days. There's actually healthy cakes. I only want an alternative.

[Ben Glebe]

Beans and rice. That's all you can buy.

[Unknown]

Sounds like you're targeting a certain ethnic group.

[Ben Glebe]

Beans and rice.

[Unknown]

There are non Mexican people who need food assistance.

[Ben Glebe]

Hi.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The welfare queen going to say, let.

[Ben Glebe]

Them eat cake, beans and rice and I'll let you buy bullion cubes because you can Season the beans in the rice.

[Unknown]

Some seasoning. That's really benevolent bullion.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm in a good mood, Ben.

[Unknown]

That's really benevolent.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm in a good mood today.

[Unknown]

I'm in a good mood, too, because I was here a little bit early. So I took a nap in my car, and I'm sleeping, and by the grace of God, this car was backing up, and if there wasn't a loud beeping, I would have been dead.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown]

I would have been murdered.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, my God. Was it a Waymo.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was. It was a driverless car. I couldn't even signal him. And it was just the beeping gave me enough. It was so loud. Gave me enough time to get out of the way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was real late, bro. I was real late getting here, so.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm glad you didn't.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Ben Glebe]

Ben was sleeping in his car. You got some travels coming up, right, Ben, that I'm jealous of.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I'm bouncing around. I'm gonna be in Kentucky and Indiana tomorrow.

[Ben Glebe]

Nice.

[Unknown]

And doing a game show gig. I used to host the game show Idiot Test. And so I sometimes get very stupidly paying game show gigs where I have to recreate that old glory days. And then I fly the next. And I'm doing a whiskey tour of a distillery, getting drunk, and then flying the next morning to the Grand Cayman Islands Day pass at a beach club puddle jumper that same day. All on Thursday, I'm going to be in Kentucky and Indiana and Grand Cayman Islands and Cayman Brack Island.

[Ben Glebe]

Those are all your friends?

[Unknown]

No, I'm sp. No, I'm by myself. And then the next day, I hop on the Jimmy Buffett cruise ship to spend 24 hours literally just catching a ride with them to Jamaica, where they get off. And all my friends get on the boat to celebrate my friends Carl and Katie's engagement and upcoming baby. And. And it was going to be a three nights of debauchery from Jamaica to Margaritaville, and I'll be roasting them on the boat.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, you will?

[Unknown]

Yes. And I, like, briefly. I shouldn't even say that on the radio, but I'll say. I mean, I briefly dated Katie, and they've asked me to roast them at their engagement with their parents there. So I'm gonna have to say that and share a lot of details.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, no, you had sex with her.

[Unknown]

I don't. Well, that's not. I don't.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Okay.

[Unknown]

There's a world between.

[Ben Glebe]

A world between, you know, that's uncomfortable.

[Unknown]

We did not have sex, but yes, you did. No, we didn't. But there's a. There's a world.

[Ben Glebe]

You don't briefly date without having sex.

[Unknown]

I do. That's the way I do it.

[Ben Glebe]

You do it.

[Unknown]

I mean, very briefly. We very briefly dated. I like to build it slowly over the pants. There's a lot of stuff like that.

[Ben Glebe]

It's a lot of fun. Hold on.

[Unknown]

Stuff.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, do we.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, if you. You didn't have sexual relations with someone, do you even bring up we briefly dated? Yeah.

[Unknown]

About sex for you. For me, it's about deep emotional connection and heart to heart connections. I'm kidding about that, but. I'm kidding about that, but it's not. It's not only about sex, though, you know?

[Ben Glebe]

No, no.

[Unknown]

But here's getting to know, period.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, here's. Here's what I'm saying.

[Unknown]

Yep. Really regret having said the name.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

The setup of this story.

[Ben Glebe]

In life. In life. In life.

[Unknown]

I'm familiar with it.

[Ben Glebe]

Life.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

When you say certain things, like, you know, if I. You know, if I said to somebody, this guy, he'll make a good employee. You know, he had scraped with the law back in the day, but he's. He's fine now, and he'll make a hell of an employee. You wouldn't think he got busted for some sort of tax thing or something. You'd think, oh, this guy was a junkie. He had issues. It was a situation with the cops. You know what I mean? There's violence, and now he's sober and he's on the right track. So when you say, like, had a scrape at the law and you just leave it at that, your mind goes to a different place. And we go, we dated briefly. For all you think, all right, you pounded the shit out of this bitch, right? That's what you. That's where mine goes. So I'm saying don't. If you just. If you literally just went on two dates and nothing happened, then don't say nothing happened.

[Unknown]

I didn't say nothing happened. There's just. Are you familiar? Has it been this long?

[Ben Glebe]

What base? Let's get to the base.

[Unknown]

No, no, I can't get into that level.

[Ben Glebe]

What base?

[Unknown]

I regret everything, but there's a base. You're aware how baseball goes. There are bases between grand slam and strikeout.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Listen, first off, what base is dry humping?

[Ben Glebe]

Hold on. A blowjob is the same as sex. Can we agree on that?

[Unknown]

No, it's not.

[Ben Glebe]

I don't know.

[Unknown]

It's not.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It depends on who I'm Negotiating with.

[Unknown]

Right now might be the same as sex for one of the two parties.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, here's. Okay, hold on. Can we do this? Can we do this?

[Unknown]

I hope not.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, we're doing it. If you. Okay, I'm losing. If I was fixing to marry a woman.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

And somebody said in, like, olden days.

[Unknown]

When you would use terms like that.

[Ben Glebe]

I was going to up and marry her.

[Unknown]

You were up and marry her. I'm fixing to marry your daughter.

[Ben Glebe]

That's right. Because her vittles are so scrumptious. Of course she makes good vittles.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

All right. If somebody said, okay, I'm gonna marry this woman. I'm fixing to marry this woman. Right. And then somebody said she dated Ben Glebe, you know, briefly before this. I'd go, oh. And then they'd go, oh, she didn't have sex with Ben. I'd go, oh, okay. And then they'd go, but she blew him. I'd go, oh. I'd be back to the sex.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

See what I mean?

[Unknown]

I didn't say she blew me, for the record, but.

[Ben Glebe]

No. I didn't say she did not.

[Unknown]

For the record, she's a very respectable person. But it's up to your own personal issues at this point. No.

[Ben Glebe]

No. No sex. No blow job. I don't even. Why'd we date? What we do. We had.

[Unknown]

I don't know. Listen, things kind of, really, like, spiraled out of control in this conversation. I was just simply trying to say we had some sort of history. And I'm gonna roast them in front of their parents.

[Ben Glebe]

That's right.

[Unknown]

It's gonna be interesting.

[Ben Glebe]

That's right. But it's good.

[Unknown]

That's all I was saying.

[Ben Glebe]

It's funny. It's good. Clean fun.

[Unknown]

Clean fun.

[Ben Glebe]

Clean fun.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Absolutely.

[Ben Glebe]

No problem.

[Unknown]

I like to make out. I like to make out. I'm a make out.

[Ben Glebe]

Make out. Yeah.

[Unknown]

But I enjoy it.

[Ben Glebe]

We're in junior high.

[Unknown]

I could do it for hours.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Ladies.

[Unknown]

You hear that, ladies?

[Ben Glebe]

That's fine.

[Unknown]

Not getting what you really want.

[Ben Glebe]

That's fine. I think if you had had sex with her, you wouldn't have been invited on the cruise to roast.

[Unknown]

I don't know if that's true, but I think so. Maybe you're right about that.

[Ben Glebe]

Let me ask you this.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

In. In today's world of lactating, you know, he. She. Dudes, do they even care anymore? Like, it was a deal back in the day if your woman laid down that guy, you know? Now it's just a Bunch of dudes and driverless cars. Right. Lactating. Just stretch marks on their titties.

[Unknown]

Just lactating.

[Ben Glebe]

Just sitting around. What's going. I want to play video game. I want some Mountain Dew. I want to go get some pastry.

[Unknown]

Yeah, like, guys are just some pastry. Now you're pluralizing the word before and still keeping it singular.

[Ben Glebe]

Some pastry, some spacery. I'm just saying, guys aren't even dudes anymore. Do they even care? You know, there was a time when people care less.

[Unknown]

I think people care less. I mean, there's new dating sites. I could plug my friend's new company. There's a dating app called beyond that is specifically for alternate dating lifestyles. And so you can go on there and you straight up write, like, Managa Mish or open or exploring or enjoy play parties. Or I enjoy this. Or I enjoy watching. Or I enjoy Boned by Gleeb. Correct.

[Ben Glebe]

Where you just date women that Ben fucked earlier in the year.

[Unknown]

No, it's a filter. It's like a lot of women. First we just make out for hours, and that's the big pool. And then you swipe. And if I swipe right, then maybe there's boning in your future. I think it's a very unpopular app. Deeply unpopular.

[Ben Glebe]

I think guys care less than they used to.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I think that's totally true.

[Ben Glebe]

And I think it was a. I think it was a byproduct of, like, testosterone, dudes and stuff. And now that the testosterone's down, dudes are less.

[Unknown]

You've got Democrats to thank for that. You're welcome.

[Ben Glebe]

Yes, we care.

[Unknown]

You're welcome.

[Ben Glebe]

Everyone cares.

[Unknown]

But I think it's because people are more in touch with their emotions. In the past, it was like, someone touched my woman. And now it's like, okay, maybe that's even, like, kind of hot. If somebody had a thing and they can tell you a story of their.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Past, the Internet just let everyone know that everyone's banging everybody. That's how it goes.

[Ben Glebe]

Let me ask you this, Ben.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

It's a comedy bit. I've been. I've always tried to work it out, but I never tried. I never work it out. I never figured it out. But you were. You were talking about. You were talking about Jimmy Buffett, you know, and he's talking about how much money this guy made from the Margaritaville stuff. I mean, it's just hotels and casinos and cruises and apparel.

[Unknown]

I mean, Tajin alone is huge residuals.

[Ben Glebe]

Nobody's made more money off of one song. Like a big deal. Other songs you get, you know, you get royalties. And other people cover the song, maybe get paid, but you don't have hotels.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He just commodifies.

[Ben Glebe]

He just keeps going. Right?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

But then there's Rupert Holmes.

[Unknown]

Yep. Who's that? I got fear in my eyes I.

[Ben Glebe]

Saw the fear sound like Scooby Doo. And then there's Rupert Ohms.

[Unknown]

On Scoobs. I think that's the killer.

[Ben Glebe]

He wrote the Pina Colada song. If you like Pina. That song was equally as big. It's everywhere.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

It's about a drink.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

Nothing.

[Unknown]

Well, it's obvious nothing off.

[Ben Glebe]

He made nothing off of it. He's gone in obscurity. Yeah. We don't care about Rubram. There's no cruises. There's no casinos.

[Unknown]

The very mention of his name strikes fear in the eyes. Around the land.

[Ben Glebe]

You don't even know who's. You don't even know the fucking guy's name.

[Unknown]

Never. Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

One had a drink, the other had a drink. The one I don't know that. The Pina Colada. I mean, Pina Colada is a very, very delectable drink from back in the day. Delicious drink.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

Nothing.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

Zero for Rupert Holmes.

[Unknown]

Why do you think it is?

[Ben Glebe]

Died a popper. Penniless.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

I don't know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Probably drunk.

[Unknown]

Probably. She's still wildly drunk on Pina coladas. They might still be living. Nobody cares.

[Ben Glebe]

Still alive. Also, it's a weird thing, that whole song.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

Turns out he's talking about his lady. But she's trying to fuck a new dude.

[Unknown]

Correct.

[Ben Glebe]

That's what he finds out at the end of the song.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Plot twist. It was Ben Glee.

[Unknown]

That's what you get on my app. That's right. Correct.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, it's you all. Wait a minute. You're trying to fuck some strange dude.

[Unknown]

That's why she's ordering two, I guess. Huh?

[Ben Glebe]

Huh?

[Unknown]

She's like, can I get two? What do you mean? I'm drinking beer. Yeah, I'd like to. Still. I gotta be bet right back.

[Ben Glebe]

Margaritaville retirement communities are currently located in Dayton Beach. Daytona Beach, I should say Florida. Hilton Head. They have retirement. It never ends. It doesn't end.

[Unknown]

You know why it is I believe that the Rupert guy didn't make it big.

[Ben Glebe]

Rupert Holmes.

[Unknown]

Rupert Holmes. I refuse to even learn his name is. How obscure this guy is. I won't process it in my brain, but it's because Jimmy Buffett made a brilliant marketing difference with his song. He created a word.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You can't have Pina Colada hotel. Pina colada bar. You can have Margaritaville because it's his own word. The word ville he created. Put ville on margarita and now he's got his own term. And it's a term now.

[Ben Glebe]

But he could have just tacked on ville to the end of pina colada.

[Unknown]

He should have done that. I mean, I guess technically there could have been like two pina coladas bar, but that's hard to trademark that. You're just putting an amount on an existing thing. I don't think you can trademark that.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm just saying.

[Unknown]

Margaritaville. Trademarkable.

[Ben Glebe]

The Mount Buffett. Jimmy Buffett made on more than Warren Buffett.

[Unknown]

All Buffett's doing really well financially.

[Ben Glebe]

Fucking rich. He made nothing off a drink. It's a fruity drink, it's a tropical drink. It's a drink you might get on a cruise ship. Zilch.

[Unknown]

Correct.

[Ben Glebe]

Nothing for Rupert Holmes.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And I used to go to Gene Buffett concerts when I was in college.

[Ben Glebe]

You did?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I was. I was. I wouldn't say I was a parrot head, but I would go to the concert sometimes and get really messed up at them.

[Ben Glebe]

Uh huh.

[Unknown]

Great time. Great. Yes. It was just fun because everybody there is just like having fun and drunk and it's very loose. There's no. No one's there for like great artistic merit of the songs. They're just there to get up and. And be stupid and it was fun. I was just. I remember I ran into a friend of mine at one of the concerts. Beautiful girl. She like ran over drunkenly and tackled me to the ground.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, good times.

[Unknown]

It was great times.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You get caught in the rain.

[Unknown]

That's the other guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I thought it was the same guy.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Until this day. Right now, you guys are educating me.

[Unknown]

That's also why this guy didn't turn it into an enterprise. Looking at Rupert Holmes face right now, it looks like you're.

[Ben Glebe]

You're.

[Unknown]

You're banker.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dreamy.

[Ben Glebe]

Rupert Holmes should.

[Unknown]

Nice of you should start. Is he alive?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, he's alive.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

He should start every song with the margarita song. Every concert. He should go right into that. Just to see everyone's face go, what the fuck? Are we in the right place? Wait a minute, what's going on? And then go into the pina colada. Did he have other hits, Dawson? It was just this. Justice. This is it.

[Unknown]

Oh, it wasn't even two pina coladas. There's one pina colada in his song.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, Yeah, I thought so.

[Unknown]

I'm so sorry.

[Dawson]

You're thinking of Garth Brooks.

[Unknown]

There's a Garth Brooks song called Two Pina Coladas.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, he's just One.

[Unknown]

You definitely can't trademark One Pina Colada.

[Ben Glebe]

That's.

[Unknown]

The guy's made the worst mistake of his life.

[Dawson]

My first job in rock and roll was working at a amphitheater in the Bay area. And at 14 years old, one of my job descriptions were, make sure that we don't run out of margarita mix on Jimmy Buffett nights.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Unknown]

Was it Margaritaville brand or they hadn't expanded the brand yet?

[Dawson]

No, it comes in a. It comes in a carton. Like an old milk carton type thing. It's just the syrup. And then you put the syrup in and those big industrial buckets with the gallon markers on them and then fill it up with water, and then they dump it into a machine. It's so bad for you.

[Ben Glebe]

All right. I'm just. I feel bad for Rupert.

[Unknown]

I don't know what that sound was. That was deep empathy in that sound.

[Ben Glebe]

I don't know. I don't get the people that drink the syrupy drinks.

[Unknown]

Well, I used to do it all the time.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, you did?

[Unknown]

And I wouldn't get buzzed off them. I love the taste, and I felt like you had to do that on vacation. Now I cut sugar largely out of my life, except when I wait here for the show to start, and. And I eat a lot of sugar. But welcome to the dungeon. Yes. But I don't get it either. I mean, they're tasty, but you don't ever get. You can't get a buzz even off of pina coladas. Margaritas.

[Ben Glebe]

I see these people walk around Vegas with their 36 inch, you know, glasses. Orange with a. And also sometimes they're heavyset ladies, you know what I mean? And it's like, noon, and I'm like, how much fatter do you need to be? You know what I mean? Like, this thing probably had a breakfast.

[Unknown]

Pastry and another pastry.

[Ben Glebe]

It's three foot. Oh, my God. I smuggled pastry out for Mike August today from the lounge, though. You'd be happy. I smuggled it out.

[Unknown]

It's amazing.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I went to the Delta Lounge. They wouldn't let him in. I went in there and I made him a pastry dish, and I smuggled it out, put it in my backpack. And I was holding my backpack. It was a tray. I walked out of that place.

[Unknown]

I love that you aggressively don't want people who are starving to death to have pastry, but you're Stealing pastry. You are aggressively stealing pastry for yourself. More pastry for me.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, yeah, I bogarted the pastry.

[Unknown]

That's why you say it singular, so you feel less bad morally.

[Ben Glebe]

I did it for Mike. I didn't do it for myself. I got him an egg bite, two pastries, and a man pork sausage who.

[Unknown]

Never booked me to do Kimmel.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, that's right.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mentioned this before. I'm still bitter. Never.

[Ben Glebe]

You should be bitter.

[Unknown]

I was bitter. And I crush every time. And I feel like with all respect, I can say this at this point because I don't care anymore. I'm old. The bookers of these late night shows, generally speaking, don't ever go in the room. They barely watch stand up. They just get like a sense or they hear or whoever has heat and they follow that. And I crush every time. And. And I didn't get it. And then at one point, I was talking to Mike one time in the improv restaurant and I said to him, hey, Mike, I got a new album out, if you'd like a copy of it, if you want to take a listen. And he says, oh, thanks Ben, I'll take a listen. And he literally says to me, I don't know if he meant it to be condescending to me. He probably did not mean it that way. He's a very nice man.

[Ben Glebe]

He is.

[Unknown]

But he turns to me and he goes, oh, yeah, long. A long form album. Maybe that's what your thing is. Yeah, in stand up, like straight up, saying to my face like, I do not enjoy you in short chunks, but maybe if somebody has an hour to kill.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I appreciate his directness.

[Ben Glebe]

He doesn't have a great bedside manner. I will say this, but maybe long.

[Unknown]

Form comedy, maybe slow. And if you really have people that like slowly grow to like you.

[Ben Glebe]

I was in the car with him today leaving Florida, driving to the airport at about 7:15, but you know, about 4:15 our time. Anyway, early did a show last night and had to leave. Now Mike, as I've explained to people before, but I want to know if you think these two things are connected. I'm going to give you these traits, right? So Mike came here the other day and he went into the bathroom and he shut the door. And then Daphne, my sister and I were in the next room, not against the door. We were down the hall and in the next room and we're just sitting there talking. And out from the bathroom came, hey. And Daphne went like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that? I said, that's Mike sneezing And she goes, God, it's so loud. And I said, yeah, Imagine sitting next to him in a rental car, 14 inches away from him when he just. That thing just comes sailing out of his mouth.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hay fever.

[Ben Glebe]

You're trying to fucking fall asleep or you're looking at your phone or something. He just goes, pow. Scares the shit out of you, right? All right, now tell me if these things are connected. One of these things are connected. Did the show last night, went to bed at midnight or whatever. Got up at 5:15 in the morning. Mike did this one. I think this might be good too for you. I said to him, we got in the car, I go, you know what's funny? I haven't had this happen in a million years, but there was a clock alarm in my hotel room and it went off at 6:15 in the morning. It just went off. It hasn't happened to me in a million years. And he goes, did you set it? I said, no, Mike, I thought you'd get by the tone, you know, with the thing. But no, I didn't. If I'd said it then it wouldn't be a story.

[Unknown]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ben Glebe]

For us.

[Unknown]

Okay, I set the alarm, then it went off at the time I set.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Isn't this wild?

[Ben Glebe]

Wouldn't be breaking news. It wouldn't be breaking news.

[Unknown]

Not.

[Ben Glebe]

So we're driving, we're getting in the airport, we're looking for the rental car dropout drop off. And he did the sneeze. Violent and louder than he's ever done. You were driving, he was driving.

[Unknown]

Dangerous if you were driving.

[Ben Glebe]

I was just paying, you know, not paying any attention. He just go, ha, yeah, like. And you just jump. That's all you do. And then I said, mike, do you fucking have to? Can't you give a heads up? And he says what? He says every time. I don't know when I'm gonna sneeze. I go, but you don't have, like, listen, I said, mike, if a bee landed on your nose, could you get your hand up to your nose? Could you do it? I don't know. I go, but don't you have enough time to get your hand to muffle it just a little bit? There's no, there's hands on the steering wheel. 150 mile an hour, just haka. Just flying out. Just no nothing.

[Unknown]

Oh, he's not even covering up.

[Ben Glebe]

Does no cover, no nothing. Just crazy super high decibel thousand miles an hour flying out of his face. And every time I say to him, can you fucking put your Hand or do something or let me know. And he goes, no, because I don't know, it just comes flying. It just literally comes sailing out and it really. You don't need five seconds, you need one second. You just need hand.

[Unknown]

No one has no warning.

[Ben Glebe]

That's what I say. How do you have. No. Yes. No. Has no warm. But here's what I would know.

[Unknown]

Is this connected to him not liking my stand up?

[Ben Glebe]

No, that's universal. This is, this is more specific.

[Unknown]

Oh, got it.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay.

[Unknown]

That's, you know, that's universal, not the sneezing topic. Not liking my stand up is by everybody.

[Ben Glebe]

Look, we don't have time to go through. Everyone doesn't like your stand up.

[Unknown]

That's true. That's so true. That's a whole nother app.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I have an app.

[Unknown]

That's a popular app.

[Ben Glebe]

No, no, what I'm saying is this. We checked into a hotel on the road and when you walk in, there's like a little cubby as you walk in, a little counter, mini fridge at the bottom and a full size microwave on the top, right? So we're at the club and they're food and they're going to give some food. Take the food with you or whatever it is. And I go, mike, I have a microwave in my room. Do you have a. You must have a. We have the same rooms. You got a microwave. He goes, I don't know. And I go, well, it's right there. It's right when you walk in. It's just sitting on top of the thing. Yeah, I don't, I don't drink coffee. So I didn't check it out.

[Unknown]

I don't drink coffee.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, it's also where the coffee maker.

[Unknown]

Is heating it up.

[Ben Glebe]

I go, I know, but it's a big box. It's just sitting in your. In your room. He goes, yeah, I don't know.

[Unknown]

I know everything in my room.

[Ben Glebe]

The moment I walk in, I opened the door and went, oh, there's a microwave. Yeah, see, because you can't walk past it without hitting it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was thinking that he had a drop, but I think he has a dollop of the tism maybe.

[Unknown]

Is that what it is?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. So I go, well, is there a microwave in your room? And he goes, I don't know. And he's been in and out of his room three times. I'm just saying it's just sitting right by the front door.

[Unknown]

So you're asking me, is the no sneeze warning related to his unawareness of interaction?

[Ben Glebe]

Yes. I don't know when I'm going to sneeze related to. I don't know if I have a microwave. Is it a general? I don't know. Is what I'm saying, is that connected?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I admire him.

[Ben Glebe]

I know what I'm going to sneeze and I know I have a microwave in my room.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's one way to look at it, ma'am. I think it is related and I think, you know, tying it all together, I think it just kind of speaks to a man who might be a very kind hearted, great man, but just like unaware of how most people go through the world. Like a little bit of warning on a sneeze. Cover your nose. Look at what your surroundings are. Loving my stand up. Like most people. Most people get it. And he's just doing things a little different, you know, he's just. He's doing his own thing, he's on his own path.

[Ben Glebe]

How much stand up. How many times do you think he did stand up in front of Mike when he was booking?

[Unknown]

I mean, it's hard to know if they walk. He was booking for Kimmel, I think, for many years. And I. It's hard to know who's in the room. So I don't know. He was at the Improv many times when I was there, but I would guess he probably saw me twice. I would guess maybe once for a showcase.

[Ben Glebe]

Were you doing a late night set?

[Unknown]

I think one was a showcase for his show for Kimmel. So I was doing a late night set for that, I think. And like, and the conditions on these showcases are often horrible. They're always like the worst promoted shows. No one's in the crowd, just not when there's a hot TV audience. It's totally different.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So somebody actually knows what you can do. They know if you're great or not. Like, for example, one time I was doing my second showcase for the Tonight.

[Ben Glebe]

Show and was Leno hosting?

[Unknown]

It was Leno and it was Ross, Mark and Bob Reed that were the bookers and first showcase. I crush it. I had this great Tonight show set. Crush it. And they're like, ben, this was amazing. If this holds up one more showcase, you're gonna book the Tonight show. And we do a second showcase at the Improv. And no one had promoted it. And there was literally zero audience except eight industry in the back. And in the front there was a sorority that was there of just like 22 girls from USC. Like Prissy, Rich sorority girls in the front. And my opening joke in that Set was this, like, faux misogynistic joke about how guys, you know, don't take. It's not that we can't last long in bed. We just choose after about a minute and we're like, this one's for me. And it's a joke. And all of the girls are like this in their head, thinking, this dick, fuck this guy. And just not a laugh on my opener that crushes normally. And it took me over the 4 1/2 minute set, like a minute 15 maybe, to get them back, and then still crushed the back two and a half minutes of this. Four and a half minutes. And they didn't book me. It's like they didn't understand, like, any of those factors. And I still was so good that I could bring them back. And they're like, it didn't hold up perfectly. We must not be able to book the guy.

[Ben Glebe]

Can we do this?

[Unknown]

Coming off as bitter as that was.

[Ben Glebe]

Happening the first and the second, I had this happen. They do. When I was trying to be a groundling, we had, hey, man, what's up?

[Unknown]

The reason I laughed at that was for two reasons. One, I just immediately pictured you intend insisting on calling it pastry during a scene. And people being like, it's throwing me off. It's obviously. I keep saying pastries. You're not. Yes. Handing it. Secondly, you're just such an individual. I can't really see you with an improv troupe, like, being at somebody else's whims when they're like, you're a refrigerator. And you're like, I don't think so.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm very whims related. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm very whims heavy.

[Ben Glebe]

People don't see that. They don't get it or I get it. You know, it's not something I give off. But I was groundlings for years.

[Unknown]

And the reason, by the way that I reacted that way also was just to kind of put you in my shoes. When Mike August said to me, maybe I'm long form, I wanted you to feel I am.

[Ben Glebe]

I. Maybe group improv may be my strong suit.

[Unknown]

Interesting.

[Ben Glebe]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

Was what I was best at.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

I was very strong at group improv, but I couldn't figure out a way to pay the bills with it because it's impossible. Because it's.

[Unknown]

Unless you get on Whose Line is it anyway? There's eight people of which the same cast has been seven of the eight for 40 years.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I literally turned it on last night, my hotel room. And I was like, is that the same Fucker. That was out in 1989. They won't move.

[Unknown]

Different guys, great groups.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. So the same. So there was that and then there was like, I don't know snl, but I wasn't going very limited. It was like, I'm going to play center field for the Yankees. You know, it was like it wasn't going to happen. But it's where my training was and it's what I was good at. I didn't stand up in radio and acting and you know, stuff like that. My training was in this and that's where I sort of excelled.

[Unknown]

And I also thought you meant you right now trying to get into Groundlings. And I just didn't see that reality.

[Ben Glebe]

But I earlier you. I can see it early me went. Went through the program and then later on. Founding member of Acme Theater and then built the Acme Theater and did that for years. And then at some point I was like, you know, I got to figure out a way to get paid. So I got out. But I do, I use the training. I fell back on it a lot. I use it in different various ways when I would work on different projects and stuff like that. So it was fine. The training was good. But they did a thing. It was beginning. The classes were beginning, intermediate, writer's lab and advanced.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

And then in advance you do two shows. You do one show in the middle of like the 12 week run. One's week number six or whatever. And then you do the second show at the end of the 12 weeks and then the following day they vote to see if you're getting into the Groundlings Sunday company or not. That's how it worked. And then you say, well, how does it work? And they go, we take each show and we weigh them evenly, you know, whatever. But it's all bullshit because you do the one show which I crushed in and then six weeks later you do the next show and then they vote the next morning.

[Unknown]

Ah, they're way in that second show. Way head.

[Ben Glebe]

That's the human mind cannot not do that. Right?

[Unknown]

Totally.

[Ben Glebe]

So I did a very kick ass first show and then the second show they're like, now you got to do against type. You got to do everything different. Like everything you did in the first show. Whatever your strengths are, do something else. And I did something else which was not my strength and had a shit second show. And then they voted the next morning. I didn't make it. So that's kept you. I should have fucking rolled my ankle and just said I couldn't do the second show. Just do it off. Do it off the first show. And that's the same with you.

[Unknown]

100%. They don't see it. They don't get. And I blame Mike August for your as well.

[Ben Glebe]

I blame Mike.

[Unknown]

I really do. And should. 100%. This is a real problem is people don't understand. Like, you probably also had some great moments in that second show.

[Ben Glebe]

It wasn't overall, my teacher said, do something different. Go against time for everything. Whatever your strength is, do something else. That's show your range by sucking.

[Unknown]

Never. Yeah, never do that.

[Ben Glebe]

A couple okay moments. But the first show was great. The first show was a nine. The second show was a five and a half or something. And then they.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's not Sunday company material. I'm sorry to tell you.

[Ben Glebe]

Did not make it.

[Unknown]

I had a very similar early. Me too. One of my great strengths was I was in Improv Troops. I was at the LA Connection and then I was at the empty stage when Kristen Wiig was there.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, really?

[Unknown]

So we were in the same troupe and Felicia Day, Kristen Wiig was in the like advanced groups. We would have rehearsals and practices together and then she would do the advanced show on the same night as we would do the Felicia. And I would do the like one level thing too.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like in my second fight with jacare, I kicked him in the face on the ground.

[Ben Glebe]

Used the old pride rules Chakra Sosa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I kicked him in his face and kicked his face off the Reese.

[Unknown]

That is similar. That's very similar.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I blew it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's super similar. For sure.

[Ben Glebe]

Man, that guy was built, wasn't he?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I fought him a bunch of times. Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh my God, that guy would have scared me. Mayhem. Nah.

[Unknown]

Did you ever have this issue when you were doing improv though? Is that part of why I stopped doing improv in Troops and then shifted into stand up? And I do a lot of crowd work and improv in my stand up, but I would just sort of like take over scenes. Like I just. I'm sure everybody's brain was pretty fast there too, but I would just like think of funny stuff quicker maybe than some other people and I would just like make decisions for them and they had to. Yes. And it. It was a little bit of a power. Power trip moment. So I would just like assign them like embarrassing things and I'm like all of a sudden this like wizard in the scene. I'm like, well, a monkey just walked in. Now the guy has to be a monkey for the next few minutes. And I'm like. And you're. You're a very slow idiot. And he's now being a slow idiot. And I'm like. I'm just, like, directing this whole.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

I was, like, kind of dominant. And some one point someone said to me, like, maybe stand up is more your thing where you don't grow up with an ensemble.

[Ben Glebe]

I was very played by the rules.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

Did the. Yes and the. Not only that, but there's always people you don't want to work with because they're shitty at it.

[Unknown]

Yo, that's the worst.

[Ben Glebe]

And it was always like, they, you know, saying the thing. They go, you and Vanessa are gonna do me? Oh, yeah. The cringe factory hate working.

[Unknown]

And there's. And there's also, like, the vast majority of people who do improv and take it very seriously. They, like, take more seriously than being funny their space work. They create cabinets in the air that look so realistic. Like, more realistic. You'd ever open a cabinet, they're, like, very crisply opening doors and touching the paneling. I'm like, who cares?

[Ben Glebe]

I'll tell you my.

[Unknown]

Were you good at space work? No way, right?

[Ben Glebe]

I was okay. I was pretty. I was okay. I didn't, you know, like, I was pretty good. Cause I have a good spatial sort of sense. Cause I was a carpenter and stuff, and I kind of understand how stuff works and everything. My big problem with doing group improv is, first off, I would get. They do a thing. First off, they do a thing where they go, okay, let's all just lift a giant manhole cover. You know what I mean? And everyone's like, all right, take it from the bottom. Everyone just lift, like, eight people standing in a circle. Here we go. There's always, like, one guy that has hand over his head while everyone else had their hands down at their knees. And I wanted to. What the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing with this manhole cover? Why is your manhole cover over? All of us are down here. We're all lifting. How did you get up over your head with your man? What kind of manhole covers this? My big problem with improv is, like, I'd start some space work and they go, okay, Adam, you start on stage, start some space work. Then Vanessa, you come in, and I'd be down on my knee and I'd be doing something, and they'd come walking in and I'd go, boy, I better get this spare tire on. This flat tire. We're not going to be able to get to the reunion on time. And they'd go, how's it going starting that fire? And I think, I want to fucking kill you. I want to kill you. I'd have to stay in the scene, but I think, what the fuck? I just, I'm down on one knee. You see me working a wrench. I told you we got a flat tire. We're not getting to the reunion on time if I don't change this flat tire. And you want to know how it's going starting the fire.

[Unknown]

And you have to somehow. And your next line has to be, yeah, this, this, this fire is real hard. So I had to do for warmth while changing the tire.

[Ben Glebe]

Right, right.

[Unknown]

You have to work them together.

[Ben Glebe]

Like I want to take a chair and smash it over their head. Because they've been told a thousand times.

[Unknown]

Would be a better move.

[Ben Glebe]

Yes. And yeah, when take that manhole cover the heavy one. So my problem is then I'm in the middle of the scene going, I want to fucking kill this person. Because I just told them what I was doing and they changed the whole fucking scene on me.

[Unknown]

Yeah, idiots are hard to deal with in life, but when you're making up.

[Ben Glebe]

A world, it's hard when you're making up a world. They're idiots will ruin your made up world, everything. They'll destroy your invisible world. That's a fact.

[Unknown]

That's a fact.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. I was good at it. I liked it. I enjoyed collaborating and all that fun.

[Unknown]

I was just like space work. I would forget where I put stuff. Like I put a cup here and it does it here was here. I don't know, wasn't crisp with that. But Kristen Wiig was genius. I remember just watching her and just thinking she was going to be a huge star. And I have a number to put her in, like a sketch or something. And I remember a year passed and I didn't have anything to put her in and I still had her like crayon written phone number on my cork board. So I called her one day and I wanted to just tell her, sorry, I haven't put you in anything. And I happened to catch her on like a really sad day. Like she picks up and she sounded like down in the doldrums. And I said, like, I just want to let you know I haven't had anything to put you in, but I just think you're so talented and like, I know you're going to have a huge career. And it cheered her up beyond belief. She was like, thank you so much, Ben. I really needed to hear that. And I swear to you, less than a month or two later, SNL and just skyrocket to the top of the business because of my call.

[Ben Glebe]

Because of your call propelled her.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Gave her that little boost she needs.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Look, it's a good basic training. I would encourage everyone to engage in.

[Unknown]

It, but everyone maybe to attend other people's shows. I think the push lately for everybody on earth to do comedy of some kind is the biggest bane of my existence. All of a sudden. There used to be like 150 comedians. Now there's like 40,000 in every town.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, I mean, no, what I mean is in terms of listening, like I explained earlier when I was at LAX and the lady was telling me I couldn't get my luggage tag because it was 45 minutes before the flight was taking off. And I kept explaining to her, we're outside of 45 minutes. And she wouldn't stop and like listen or acknowledge what I was saying. It's good for listening. I feel like a lot of people have a lot of difficulty in the listening department and so the. Yes, and would be a good thing for most folks to understand even if they weren't pursuing comedy.

[Unknown]

That's true. But I also feel like, and this might just be my opinion alone, that people also don't listen very well.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wait, what are you guys saying? What are you talking about right now?

[Ben Glebe]

It does pain me coming from the. Yes. And, and not only that, but when I have to try to explain something to somebody and they're like, no, no, but what about no, but what about but no, but sometimes they're even saying what I'm saying, but they're still saying no before. And I'm like, I wish you'd take a groundlings class just so you could sort of roll with this conversation.

[Unknown]

As long as they don't ever perform. Seriously, I'm fine.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, there's too many comedians.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was about to say this is the great comedic discussion with two black belt performers, but now I'm like, wow, you guys are boxing everybody out.

[Unknown]

No, there should be a moratorium on new comedians for years. I literally just had a friend of mine that has nothing to do with performing arts whatsoever. And she just texted me the other day. She's like, I have a stand up showcase coming up at the improv lab. Can we do a writing session for a couple hours? I'm like, like this would be of any. I'm not getting my life goals done, my career done. I can't do get. I'M skipping auditions, I'm so busy. But I'm gonna take my time out to help a non comedian who will never do it again write her showcase for the improv. Are you out of your mind?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She swiped right, dude.

[Ben Glebe]

Where do you come back down on people that it just, you know, they're not funny? Is. Is kind of the thing like, like you can sort of fake your way through stand up, I guess. Yeah.

[Unknown]

I mean, you can get five minutes.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. I mean, especially if your friends write it for you. Yeah. I mean, August will give you.

[Unknown]

No, it's very easy to get five minutes on television.

[Ben Glebe]

I guess what I'm saying is, you know people. I talk to people about this all the time. Like, what are you doing here? Like, why do you. I have. I know guys that like talk about coming out with a country album for like 20 years, you know, and I'm like, you don't really like music, otherwise you'd be playing. Like you'd be out gigging. Like, you would be doing this if you liked it. You know, if you think about what is it you like, what is it you do? And they're always talking about it, but they're never really doing it, you know. And then you kind of go, well, then where, where do you fall in this place? Like, for me, I do comedy. Cause I always did comedy. I did it for free, you know, like when I met Jimmy Kimmel, who's making prank phone calls every. You know, like he just did it, you know. I know a lot of people, like, they want to do comedy, but they don't even like comedy. They don't want to watch comedy. They're not interested in comedy. It's kind of weird. It's like, so you just want to be a stand up, but you're not really into it or you're not into comedy.

[Unknown]

They just want it as a stepping stone for something else or for fame or they think it'll be cool to do or to say they did it. But if you don't have it in your. I've always said it's like for many years, Bobby Lee would always like encourage every hot girl in the world to do stand up. And maybe because he wanted to hang around hot girls and he just created this glut of like thousands of hot girls that do stand up now. And it's very frustrating. It's like if you don't have in your soul that you just needed to become a comedian and knew you were gonna do it since. Since forever, you should not be a comedian. You can't just like.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I feel like you guys are personally challenging me to be a comedian, and I feel like I'm gonna take you up on that right now.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna intentionally not listen to that part. Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I didn't want to until that right in this.

[Unknown]

No. And what.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think people can do it.

[Unknown]

I think maybe punching, not kicking is maybe a stronger.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm really good at that.

[Unknown]

Yeah, see, I think that's better.

[Ben Glebe]

I just, I. I talk to people like, oh, I love comedy. You go like, all right, what's your favorite Albert Brooks movie? They go, who? And I go, yeah, Albert Brooks. Like what Albert Brooks? I don't really. I don't really know. You know, I don't watch it. I'm like, okay, then you don't like comedy. You don't like comedy.

[Unknown]

People don't even know who George Carlin is these days. They don't know who Prior is. It's like, it's wild. All right, people, a lot of people should just stay home and stay home. Stay home and shut up and consume.

[Ben Glebe]

The name of your special.

[Unknown]

Consume and consume a little bit more Tickets like, Andy Warhol just put this. Or is that his quote, the 15 minutes of fame? Yeah, sure. He's. He should have never said it because everyone literally is trying to become famous now. I go on Instagram. It used to be like landscapes and attractive people, and now every attractive person, even I think the landscapes have political opinions. I have to hear the same news, a different take on it from a bunch of steroided out dudes in their cars that are. They can't even have the confidence to say it in front of their girlfriend in their apartment. They have to go to the car and be like, I'll tell you what the real truth is.

[Ben Glebe]

I like dudes in their cars with their opinions.

[Unknown]

Yeah. It's the worst. Everyone has a take.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Everyone's a pundit.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Who is consuming the news? There's like 3 billion versions of the truth now. It's very frustrating.

[Ben Glebe]

Dudes and cars. Yeah, I agree.

[Unknown]

And then Seinfeld web series.

[Ben Glebe]

There's different cars. Yeah. There's cop car guy, there's delivery truck guy, there's SUV parking lot guy.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

But they're giving their tank.

[Unknown]

Yep. In the car. Very always. Sleeveless shirt, very thick. Or like. And the real truth was going on. You know the real truth.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You're in the gym.

[Ben Glebe]

Always. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Where are you picking up his research?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, he's not just in the gym. He's getting on the Tonight show soon.

[Ben Glebe]

Mike August booked him. Mike August did pull a power move with the gym. We stayed at a hotel in Florida that did not have a gym.

[Unknown]

It's, like, illegal.

[Ben Glebe]

I thought, I know. And Mike. Mike walked across the street to the Residence Inn or whatever, and he goes, I used their gym. And I go, how'd you use their gym? Don't you need a key? And he goes, I just got the janitor. I told him the key wasn't working.

[Unknown]

Damn.

[Ben Glebe]

I know. I said, that's a power move. You go across the street, you waltz right in front door, walk right to the gym, grab the guy with the mop, tell him to let you into the gym, and then use the gym. But I guess the genius of Mike is not too many people breaking into gyms.

[Unknown]

That's true.

[Ben Glebe]

You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

No one's questioning that.

[Ben Glebe]

Nobody's questioning that.

[Unknown]

Mind if I get into the residence in gym? They're like, this must be a guy from a competing hotel. Never think of that.

[Ben Glebe]

No one ever thought of it.

[Unknown]

No.

[Ben Glebe]

Right.

[Unknown]

Also, I'm just guessing, knowing Mike a little bit, I'm guessing that that hotel across the street was also further from the comedy club. He just didn't want to be any jokes.

[Ben Glebe]

He wanted at all.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's my assumption.

[Ben Glebe]

No, he puts. Mike put a little extra pressure on me because he. He. He. He. He likes punching up stuff.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[Ben Glebe]

You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

Maybe I should have let him rewrite my stuff. What does he do with you on the road? He goes on the road and does what with you?

[Ben Glebe]

He's brisket, mainly, but he'll do. He drives. He keeps me company, basically.

[Unknown]

He keeps you company. Is he counting heads in the room?

[Ben Glebe]

No, it's not a head counter, but he. He schmoozes. The owner eats. Schmoozes, eats. He's good. I like traveling with him because he doesn't yawn and he doesn't drink coffee, and he never complains.

[Unknown]

He just randomly sneezes on you.

[Ben Glebe]

He just random, violent sneeze.

[Unknown]

But my dad used to. Used to do the very random, violent sneeze, and it wasn't even. Didn't even sound like a sneeze. You talked earlier about. I would share with people the sounds that old Jewish men make, and just out of nowhere, he'd be like, oh, ja. What is. Are you the kung fu battle? Your dad would wear that?

[Ben Glebe]

He would. He kiai.

[Unknown]

Just out of nowhere, like the whole family.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, your dad did what Mike does?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yeah, but it was. It didn't even have, like, the ah sound in the beginning. It was just like. It sounded unrelated to a sneeze.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My dad has a. Oh, he does?

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, my mom did. My mom did a ha Chow, which is our own.

[Unknown]

Sounds racist. Really?

[Ben Glebe]

I know.

[Unknown]

Anti Asian. It's an Asian hate crime.

[Ben Glebe]

She didn't like the Asians.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I get that. That's not at all appropriate to do. She could have done. She goes, ha chow. Soon she's gonna be gonna be picketing Shen Yun and its performances around Southern California.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, my God, can they do the splits?

[Unknown]

The mystical show before communism ruined China.

[Ben Glebe]

The. So Mike was trying to punch up some Brad Williams joke comedy stuff. And he was.

[Unknown]

Is it not punching down with brown, though?

[Ben Glebe]

It's punching up, but down. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Ben Glebe]

He was. We're trying to figure out this joke where he said. Well, he heard on the podcast that Brad. When Brad Williams was in here just recently heard on the podcast that I think Brad Williams maybe said I was getting a massage. And I said, do they charge you less for a massage? And then I said, because when you go to the car wash, if you drive a van, they charge you more for a van. So wouldn't it make sense that they charge you less for massage? And then we got. He liked it. Mike liked the premise of that. So we're sitting in the airport, and they said, let's try to beat this premise out. Like, you got this. And then there's that. But what should they charge less? Like, for Brad Williams? So what else should they charge less for?

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

So then we sat in the airport, and we're like, well, buffets. You know, do they eat less?

[Unknown]

I can see sometimes they're kind of stocky these days.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, they are. But I would say, in General, someone who's £80 eats less than someone who's £200. Right? All right. So that and then shoes. Yeah, but see, here's where it gets tricky, because, yeah, shoes should be less material. Anytime you can get kids versions of stuff, then it doesn't really count because you could get kids Nikes and they would charge you less. So we're trying to go over this. And then he said to me, he said. I think he said this great conversation at car because the whole trip we're trying to figure out shit that dwarfs should get charged less for.

[Unknown]

Which, by the way, is what everybody on Earth pictures. Your road trip conversations are like, me and Mike.

[Ben Glebe]

And so we get in the car the other day, and he goes, Goes, we just get in the car. We just pick up the conversation, all right?

[Unknown]

Another.

[Ben Glebe]

And he goes. He goes. He goes, belts. And then I go, okay, belts. But, Mike, kids, belts, anything. You go, shoes, you go, belt. Like anything you can get kids. And then he goes, kids don't have belts. And I go, they have belts. They make belts for kids. They don't wear belts. They don't wear belts. I go, I know they don't traditionally wear belts, but they sell kids belts. And then he goes, yeah, I don't know. I got a son. You can go through his. Go through his closet right now. Turn this fucking car around. We're leaving Dade County. We're going to Yorba Linda. I said, yeah, I know, but here's what I'm saying. You can go online and buy a kid's belt, which they would charge. So we went back and forth. He conceded, at a certain point, belt is not traditional, but kids who would go to a wedding or funeral might need a belt. You know what I mean? So it went back and forth. But then the argument. Not the argument. The conversation turned to, okay, but what should dwarfs be charged more for? Because we all. Okay, less for a massage, less for a buffet, maybe less for a belt. But what should they pay more for?

[Unknown]

It's an interesting question.

[Ben Glebe]

And I sat there, we sat lax, and I said, beds. Everything's a California king to them. I'm six foot two. My fucking feet hang off the end of every bed. But for Brad, a twin bed is a king bed, right? So he should pay more for that bed. As a matter of fact, I would never leave.

[Unknown]

It's more luxurious for him.

[Ben Glebe]

It's a California king to him.

[Unknown]

Yep. Eight.

[Ben Glebe]

Eight. A twin or full or whatever. It is a regular mattress. My feet will hang off the end of the thing. There's not enough room for me, but for him, everything's a California king. So he should be upcharge. A queen is a California king. A California king is probably twice as much as a queen. He should have to be. He should be upcharged for a queen. And then I said to Mike, if I was a dwarf, I'd never leave the race car. Bet I would have a race car bed. That would be my bed. I would probably be no other bed.

[Unknown]

I would put an engine in it and just like, travel around in the bed.

[Ben Glebe]

You travel in the race car.

[Unknown]

I really would have it, like kind of Posturepedic style. Go up a little bit.

[Ben Glebe]

I really would. Serious about this.

[Unknown]

I second. I double confirmed it.

[Ben Glebe]

Why ever upgrade from a Race car bed. If in fact you're a dwarf.

[Unknown]

Absolutely.

[Ben Glebe]

That's all.

[Unknown]

Also, here's what they should for sure pay more for rent.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, this is why you need to be in the airport with us.

[Unknown]

Every shipping is a grand mansion.

[Ben Glebe]

Every ceiling is vaulted.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, 100%. I one time had Brad come over to my house, and I have this little ashram, like Moroccan speakeasy behind my pool. And it's a little house with a little door. You have to duck in to get in and out. Brad went in there and he literally said, finally, a home built for me. I wanted him to move in for a while, just have a little person sleeping back there. But then he goes into a regular home. This is like lap of luxury. This is Robin Leach vibes.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, let's do the math. If I walk into home, okay. Standard height ceiling, 8 foot. That's a standard ceiling in a residential home or apartment or whatever. So if I'm 6 2, that's less than 2 foot above my head. But if I were 4 foot tall, it'd be twice.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

So it's essentially like me having a 12 foot, four high ceiling.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's like walking through the Notre Dame Cathedral.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

If they throw a party for their little people buddies and they just go on top of each other's shoulders, you've got twice the capacity. You could have a huge rager.

[Ben Glebe]

Chicken fights.

[Unknown]

Bunch of chicken fights. Put them in a trench.

[Ben Glebe]

They should pay more for rent.

[Unknown]

100%.

[Ben Glebe]

And more for beds.

[Unknown]

100%. We can't even, like, we can't even reach to the ceiling without banging our knuckles sometimes. Like primates.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, you're right.

[Unknown]

They get to just sit around this lap of luxury. They could get on a step ladder and still not touch the ceiling.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, so break on a massage, A break on a buffet.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

Breaks on belts, even though we don't know about that. But pay more for rent. More beds.

[Unknown]

Yep. And then for sure, I think they got to pay more for pastry.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, yeah. No, you're right.

[Unknown]

Luxury. They don't need it.

[Ben Glebe]

And also, it's like a Duraflame log to them. You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

It's like so much bread. It's like enough bread for the town.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like in La Jolla, there's a town of all little people. There's like a few. There's communities near Black's beach. And it's like littler houses and littler doors.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, it is.

[Unknown]

But like, you bring one croissant to that town and you're like the king.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

They all gather and, like, kind of pick at it a little bit.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, you're right. Pastry.

[Unknown]

Pastry.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Maybe you can help me with this premise that I've been trying to figure out for my standup for a long time. I find it absurd that little people these days prefer to be called little person rather than midget or dwarf because they would rather we put a qualifier on the word person. They're like, I'm not even a full person. Don't call me a person. Yeah, I'm a little person. I'm like a half guy. Like, wouldn't you rather have a special word but still be a full person?

[Ben Glebe]

I do it. My bit.

[Unknown]

You do? Yeah, that point.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Great. So that bit's out.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, it's on the. There's a Barrett Williams riff that's in there somewhere. It's not quite that. It's just that we're supposed to say little man. Like it's better than dwarf or midget.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Ben Glebe]

And it's basically. The joke is essentially, little man is not a step toward the light.

[Unknown]

It is not a step up.

[Ben Glebe]

Like, you could be talking about someone who was your height who just made way less money than you. Little man, you missed a spot on my Mercedes. Use your sleeve. Little man dance. Here's a quarter. Dance for me, little man. Oh, my God.

[Unknown]

Okay, that bit's close enough. And you took it further, so that's out of my head.

[Ben Glebe]

I took it further.

[Unknown]

I love like that.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, should we take a break, big man? I'll take a break. Do some news right after this. Simply safe. Well, it's important to feel safe at home. You should. We all should. And that's where simply safe comes in. Traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in. And by then, it's too late. Simply safe. SimplySafe is setting the new standard in home security. Simplisafe's active guard outdoor protection can help prevent break ins before they happen with AI powered cameras backed by live professional monitoring agents. They monitor your property and detect suspicious activity so you don't have to have someone in your living room. They'll figure it out before they bust that window. Monitoring plans start affordably at around a buck a day. Just a dollar a day for peace of mind. It is Simplisafe. We always use it. Everyone here uses it. And they've been with us for many, many years. They're a great company. They're Simplisafe. Right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

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[Ben Glebe]

Omaha Steaks Ah, the Smash burger. I enjoy it so much. Yes, I've enjoyed the Omaha Steak Smash burger. It's great. However you do your burger, do it with the Omaha Smash burger. People love smash burgers with crispy caramelized and they can sear in the bold beefy flavor as well. It's so good. Make Smash burgers at home without the hassle or the mess with Omaha Steak's all new Smash Burgers. They're pre smashed. That's right, they're pre smashed. They're 100% extra aged beef that won't fall apart when you flip them over because that's what happens with traditional smash burgers. Omaha Steaks. Smash burgers go from freezer to bun in just five minutes. I love these things. I had them the other day. I got the old gift pack from Omaha Steaks. But the smash burger, that's what you want. It is the best. It's Omaha Steaks and it's Smash burgers. Right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

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[Ben Glebe]

Stream all the mo and shows you love for free on Pluto tv.

[Unknown]

Say what now?

[Ben Glebe]

Showtime. That means drama is free with heart wrenching stories from love and basketball power and greenleaf. In this family we live by the spirit and laughter is free with gut busting comedies like Key and Peele, the neighborhood Everybody hates Chris and Boomerang. Watch all the hits all for free from all your favorite devices.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh my God, I love it.

[Ben Glebe]

You'll the free Pluto TV stream. Now pay never.

[Dawson]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Unknown]

Hi Adam. I was born in 1933.

[Ben Glebe]

My name is Ernie.

[Unknown]

I owned a dump truck company in Kenosha. My roommate April held my hand when Kenosha burned to the ground. Thanks for loving dump trucks almost as much as I do get it on.

[Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Ben Glebe]

I love a dump truck I love trucks. When I was a kid, I was like, tonka trucks and everything. Yeah, I loved all that stuff. I was literally just thinking the other day something that, that angered me to a great extent.

[Unknown]

Please before you explain that. My headphones were off, had no idea we were back. And all of a sudden I just heard you say, I love a dump truck. And I have no clue what you're talking about.

[Ben Glebe]

Ernie just called in, said he had dump trucks. My son, when he was a little guy, had a picture book. And the picture book. You know what, Dawson? There's probably a picture of that picture book somewhere in our computer. God knows if it's labeled or not, but he had a picture book. And it had like the dump truck and it had the backhoe and it had the, I don't know, the airport fire engine. It showed everything, right? And then on one page it just said minivan. But it was a picture of a full size van that had two back wheels. Like a three axle van. Like a custom 70s van that had two back wheels and then a front wheel, which would have been exotic. Custom full size van. And I was like, you fuckers couldn't find a picture of a minivan. Like there's minivans. We're lousy with minivans. Every company, every, every automotive manufacturer makes three minivans. Why am I looking at a customer? Six wheeled van under the minivan title in your picture book. Like, how fucking lazy do you have to be? This is why I'm a bad parent. Because I'm going off of this and everyone's looking at me like the kids are trying to sleep. And I'm like, why would you, by the way? Do you have publishers? Do you have editors? Like somebody's gotta go through this book. And it's like minivan, it's a custom van that is the opposite of a minivan because it has six wheels.

[Unknown]

I love the dedication that you think the editor of this magazine puts into every detail of his craft.

[Ben Glebe]

This is why I hate anybody who does anything for kids. It's all a cop out. All the music, all the books, all the songs, all the everything. Everything you do for kids is a fucking cop out. Because no 3 year old is ever gonna call you on this van with three axles.

[Unknown]

And most parents don't care enough to look. They don't look closely enough.

[Ben Glebe]

I was livid, Livid, I tell you.

[Unknown]

Well, do you remember? This reminds me of a similar thing when we were kids. Do you remember like the boys Life magazine?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yes.

[Unknown]

And then the Back page was these ads for these, like, crazy products. And one of them was always, like, for, like, 1995, you could order the parts for a flying tricycle.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. It was a guy who did it.

[Unknown]

You do?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes. And landed in the parking lot.

[Unknown]

Yes. Wait, it worked?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Unknown]

What do you mean it works?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He did it.

[Ben Glebe]

The hovercraft helicopter.

[Unknown]

Yes. What do you mean? We still don't have driving flying cars.

[Ben Glebe]

Now he did it.

[Unknown]

And it flew. It flew by it with him on it. That thing. I haven't seen that in so long.

[Ben Glebe]

Wait a minute. I knew the one that was like the bigger hover that had the lawnmower engine in it. But what was.

[Unknown]

This is the one I mean. And he sat on it and he floated.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He did.

[Unknown]

Come on. No, that's not true. You're lying. Why are you getting paid by big boy's life?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big boy's life.

[Ben Glebe]

How are you? You saw this thing work?

[Unknown]

How does it work? It's not even a motor in it, Guys, it's magic. You saw him float. I saw or you heard him tell you about it?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Street. Okay, well, my cousin told me.

[Ben Glebe]

How is this.

[Unknown]

I never understood it. How could this lie to children? You can float on air. Free lifts £200.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, I used to remember the one for, like, the giant robot. And it was just a piece of, you know, Visqueen with a mask on and blow it. I don't know how this works.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The guy made a home helicopter kit.

[Unknown]

Oh, there it is. Oh, shoot.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what this is. It looks pretty fun, though, with the janky kindergarten.

[Unknown]

Oh, floating. It's really floating. That's crazy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, it's like a hovercraft. I see.

[Ben Glebe]

It's all I know.

[Unknown]

It's on the ground. It looks an illusion. It's on the ground.

[Ben Glebe]

No, it's all hovery because you have to have the skirt around it.

[Unknown]

Wait, this guy's about to take off in the air?

[Ben Glebe]

No, there's no taking off. There's just hover. It's just. You float four inches above the.

[Unknown]

But even that. Oh, so it just. It has. It has, like, buffers under the seat? Yeah, it's just. Just like a chair that goes up. It's one of those chairs, that office chair that has the button.

[Ben Glebe]

Listen, we've been living the lie childhood.

[Unknown]

I'm in pain right now.

[Ben Glebe]

Me, too.

[Unknown]

Jesus.

[Ben Glebe]

What do you got, man?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Got some news. There's New York city to buy $1.6 million in panic buttons for 500 bodegas to try to curb crime. They say hopefully it works. They had a. There are 500 of the devices to be installed and stored in the hotspot crime areas through the five boroughs in the coming weeks. And Said Adams and members of the United Bodega association at a Sunday press conference outside Pamela Green Delhi in the Bronx.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I wonder what the important and.

[Ben Glebe]

What this is going to do is add an extra layer of safety. Number one, I like the extra layer. Actually have the panic buttons and the direct communication to the police. But second, the element of surprise. 500 of these devices throughout the entire city. No one knows who would actually have a device or not. That adds to the omnipresent and the element of surprise that we're looking for. Yeah, here's. We have this weird relationship with crime. We. We do it, we get it under control, we police it, and then at some point we get bored and we decide it's racist. And then we go back to whatever, and then crime takes over again. And then we go back to policing again and we slow it down again. And then we get bored. Okay, here's the thing. This. First things first, you just need cops. They need a fucking police. The stop and frisk thing, it's insane. It stops crime, but they're like, it's racist, okay? If you don't have a fucking gun or a knife, then who the fuck cares? That's the whole point. Why is everything.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna frisk the shit out of you.

[Ben Glebe]

I just went through the airport. I just stood in line at the airport. I just stood in line, got on this line, did that line. Took the fucking picture of my face. Took everything out of my pockets, put in whatever. I just did it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Got over the pants handy.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm not a fucking terrorist. I just did it. And I travel and that's okay. You live in a city. People have weapons that go through the airport. Whatever. Just fine, you'll be fine. Okay, so that everything's a fucking hate crime.

[Unknown]

So you believe, though, that if there was. That everyone who flies has that and you occasionally get your dick touched. But then for white people, starting tomorrow, you also can just get pulled over and have your dick touched and aggressively touched whenever they want.

[Ben Glebe]

Here's the thing, whoever the group is that commits the most crime gets pulled over the most. Stop committing the most crime and you won't be singled out.

[Unknown]

I feel like we can probably just be pulling out people that actually are doing crimes or are suspected directly of.

[Ben Glebe]

That stop committing the most crime per capita, and then you won't get singled out.

[Unknown]

So as long as your group is like a second.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, where do you come down with men and women?

[Unknown]

With regards to what?

[Ben Glebe]

Cops?

[Unknown]

Oh, I mean, I think it's, you know, in most instances, probably better if the cop is a strong dude.

[Ben Glebe]

Who do you want them looking at? More men.

[Unknown]

I just went on the record on extra thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, great.

[Unknown]

Looking at men or women more? I'd like them to look at men more, I suppose.

[Ben Glebe]

Why?

[Unknown]

Ah, damn it.

[Ben Glebe]

Why men? I don't know why. Why?

[Unknown]

Because they're committing most crimes.

[Ben Glebe]

Right? Okay. So that's how we do it. And younger. And a certain age. Certain age. Younger men. That's who commits all the crime.

[Unknown]

Extreme elderly. I'd like them to be.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, there's just certain groups. It's a waste of time to look at elderly Asian women. That's what I'm saying. It's a waste. But young black men, it's not. It's a higher percentage.

[Unknown]

There's jewels.

[Ben Glebe]

Stop committing the lion's share of the crime and you'll stop getting profiled. That's how this is going to work, everybody. Until then, it will not work.

[Unknown]

I just would like to know how much the panic button lobby bribed Mayor Adams with to put these buttons in. And how expensive are these buttons that they couldn't just do all 2,000 bodegas. The only 500.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

500?

[Ben Glebe]

I don't do them all. I don't know how many bodegas there are.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's a good question. But more 500. It can't be more than 2000 though. I know there might be. I.

[Ben Glebe]

Listen, I don't like bodegas because. Because New York has weird rules with wine.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

You have to go to a wine store. If you go to the bodega, which I have many years ago, can't remember. It's like 20 years ago, maybe more. I was in New York and I was going to do Howard Stern and I was. I got in late and I had to get up early, but I just flew in from LA, so even though it was 11 at night in New York, it was 8 o'clock for me. And then I had to be at Stern at like 5:30 in the morning. But it was 8:00 for me and I wasn't sleepy at all. But I still had to get up at 5. But I knew I wasn't fucking falling asleep for a long time because of the three hour difference. So I went to bodega and I got a bottle of wine and I went back to My hotel room, and I poured myself a glass of wine and it tasted like, you know, prunes and corn syrup or something. And I was like, what the fuck kind of wine is this? And it was not wine. It said wine product on it. Whenever you see drink or aid or product or something, it's always, always bad. Always bad. And I looked at it and I was like, what the fuck is this? I started reading it. They're not allowed to sell wine. They have a rack of wine bottles and what looks like wine, but it's like hobo wine, because you must go to a wine store to buy the wine. You can't go to a bodega, you can't go to a sprouts, you can't go to a supermarket. You have to go to a wine store. And then it's like the wine stores that close at 9, so you can't get wine in the middle of fucking New York City. Like the wine capital of the world.

[Unknown]

Well, I would say probably France, the wine capital of the world, but other.

[Ben Glebe]

Than that, in North America, wine capital of the world. That's fair.

[Unknown]

That's fair. I feel like also California probably makes more of the wine, but people are drinking the wine.

[Ben Glebe]

Eastern based wine capital of the world.

[Unknown]

Undisputable on that and indisputable for sure. That's a strong point. I think maybe you also just solved the crime wave problem. Instead of installing panic buttons, let the bodegas sell real wine. Now you're getting a higher class clientele in there. The hobos are looking for their sugar.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wine elsewhere, making bodegas great again.

[Ben Glebe]

In New York, there's still a bunch of weird, archaic rules about liquor stores. Government liquor stores, government wine stores. You go to the Whole Foods and you can't buy a bottle of wine.

[Unknown]

How about liquor is the same thing for liquor in most places. Really. I mean, New York just got trash cans three months ago. I know the major city in the planet, and they only decided, let's not leave our trash bags with trash juice spilling on the rats in the streets. Three months ago.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm gonna ask you the question I ask everybody. Eric Adams. I was thinking about him on stage last night doing Eric Adams joke. But no one really fully is as animated as I am about this. He does a thing. I think it's a black guy thing. I think because Chris Rock does it. The miniature diamond stud in the ear, it's almost microscopic like Chris Rock does it. It's a microscopic. It's a diamond half the size of, I guess would be like the tip of a pencil or something in his ear. And I'm like, why? What are you doing? Are we doing this or are we not doing it? Like, I get the NBA baller who signed a big fucking contract and now has seven carrots hanging off his ear like he's back. I get that. What's with the micro stud? Chris Rock does the micro stud. Eric Adams does a micro stud. I don't know what you're trying to convey. Most people don't know what I'm talking about because they can't even see it. So what are you put. What you get up in the morning and you go, where is my diamond stud that no one can see? I need to put that on before I leave the house. You can find Eric Adams, you can find Chris Rock. It's a micro.

[Unknown]

Why?

[Ben Glebe]

What is it?

[Unknown]

Because they want to let the world know that they're wealthy and that they don't like jewelry.

[Ben Glebe]

Why are you wealthy if you have. If you. For you. For 1/16 of a carrot worth of diamond. If I worked at Taco Bell and was getting engaged, I could afford that on a ring for my honey bunny. Why? It's a micro stud. What?

[Unknown]

Really good question.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That dude behind them has the same thoughts.

[Unknown]

This is bigger. Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

There's a dude behind him going, where's that fucking micro?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

What is Chris Rock doing with his micro stud?

[Unknown]

It's a great question.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm glad you like it. What? Why? Do you want a diamond or don't you?

[Unknown]

I wouldn't. I want to chat GPT this. I wonder if that has an opinion because it's a great question. I can't really think of it. I can think of an answer for most. Most things, but it really is weird. Maybe they just think it's classy. It's. So they don't want a big piece of bling, but they like a little diamond.

[Ben Glebe]

Maybe if you're trying to keep the hole open.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. No, on the weekend. He rocks the chunkies.

[Ben Glebe]

I know. I've never seen. I've only seen the micro stud with him. Yeah. Because he never fire with him. Chris Rock has a micro stud as well. So what is it?

[Unknown]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Ben Glebe]

What are you saying to the world? What are we saying?

[Unknown]

I mean, you've stunned me. I already said several times, I have no idea. I don't now know more than I did a moment ago. I can't. I don't know. I think they just want to have a little bit of bling, but they feel like they're classy bling. That's what I think.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm gonna call Rampage about this.

[Ben Glebe]

I think he has grandpage about it.

[Unknown]

I think it's classy bling. They want to show they have a little bit of bling. They're a little bit youthful. Still a little hip hop.

[Ben Glebe]

Are you picturing Chris Rock's movie?

[Unknown]

Yeah, no, I can see. I read exactly what you're talking about. I know what you're talking about about too. Oh, he's going both ears on that one, Chris.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, right.

[Ben Glebe]

But. But what I'm saying is, like when Chris Rock goes into a Winchels to buy a donut, you think he just gets a quarter donut and leaves? Or just a full donut? What are you doing? Why don't we have a full. You have all the money in the world. Where's your ring?

[Unknown]

And why is your diamond getting robbed for such a tiny thing? Also, it's like you're not even. It's not even a big part of your look. It's not even changing your vibe that much.

[Ben Glebe]

I would say most Americans have no idea that Mayor Eric Adams has a. I just see it cuz I have hypervigilance and it bugs the shit out of me.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

So I don't know what they're doing.

[Unknown]

We appreciate you looking out for us.

[Ben Glebe]

Thank you. I'm looking out for you.

[Unknown]

That's really nice. Do you think it affects the way people, those who do see it, do you think that affects how seriously they take him as a mayor?

[Ben Glebe]

People don't like some of the thoughts I have, but he's also one of these multi bracelet guys. I'm like, once you become mayor, take the fucking bracelets off, earrings off, and just do your job. I don't want all the. I don't want all the bracelets.

[Unknown]

Should Fetterman be wearing pants? He's got to be wearing.

[Ben Glebe]

Yes, you got to wear pants.

[Unknown]

He's wearing shorts to the inauguration. He's wearing shorts in Congress.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I thought he's sponsored by rei.

[Unknown]

He probably is the cargo. No more dei, but lots of REI in this country.

[Ben Glebe]

Yes. He should wear a suit.

[Unknown]

He's got to wear at least pants.

[Ben Glebe]

They got to wear pants. Eric Adams.

[Unknown]

That's him getting the earring right there.

[Ben Glebe]

It's got an earring.

[Unknown]

Very interesting.

[Ben Glebe]

I don't trust him. I don't like.

[Unknown]

Maybe they're like sending messages. Is there a chance that it's like some kind of a transmitting device and.

[Ben Glebe]

People are telling them what to say? Hope so.

[Unknown]

Maybe that's how Chris Rock remembers his material.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The globalists are telling him his material.

[Unknown]

That's right. That could be that.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Chris Rock remembers his material because he does this setup seven times.

[Unknown]

True.

[Ben Glebe]

Women. Women be shopping. They shop. They love shopping. Women love shops. Yeah. Okay, where's the joke? Get to the joke part of the comedy part. And no, they're shopping.

[Unknown]

He also probably remembers the material because I assume he has, like, a refresher session with Mario Joyner the night before each taping.

[Ben Glebe]

Mario Joyner. He does the writing.

[Unknown]

I think he's doing some writing for some of these guys.

[Ben Glebe]

All right. I wonder if he has an earring.

[Unknown]

Interesting.

[Ben Glebe]

I want to know. All right, go ahead. Next joke. I'm angry at the mini earring.

[Unknown]

NPR's first story. Didn't even realize. Yeah, exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

NPR, look, you guys are rolling. Let's roll. PBS and NPR CEO say they'll challenge the Trump administration over federal funding cuts. The CEOs of. Yeah, they're saying that they're going to challenge us in court. We're looking at whatever options are available to us. NPR CEO Kathryn Amar said on Face the Nation.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, we have a clip.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right. No clip.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, look, here's the whole thing. These news outlets have just become propaganda for the left. That's what happened to them. I mean, it wasn't always that way, but it became that way. So all large organizations end up just sort of skewing to the left. That is like the Sierra Club and PBS and all the different. Like the. Let's see, let's see. Every group that's been around for a while that is large enough like the aclu, it ends up just tacking toward the left. And so they become that. I don't know, it's something to do with college graduates or something who enter the organization. Or just large organizations just becoming progressive. They just become progressive.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Empathy has a liberal bias.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, they end up just going that direction. And then you have to go, okay, well, that's fine. The ACLU can do that if they want, or the Sierra Club can do that if they want. But I don't wanna fund them if they're going to just report things this way. That's the problem. So then you get into a thing where it's like, their news and their news that reports on what's going on, except for they don't think Hunter Biden's laptop is real. Except for they do, but they want his dad to be elected, so they're not going to report on it. So now we're in a weird conundrum as a country because we're like, well, should we be funding these guys that only service one party? And I would argue no. But if you get your shit together and you just start doing news again, then you should be funded. Although I don't know why we need to fund you at all. We have news other places.

[Unknown]

I hear you. I would argue with the opposite take on this. I think that yeah, there's definitely left wing groups. I might agree with some of the ACLU and some of these other groups. I think certainly CNN tends to the left. I think msnbc of course is far. I think NPR can be a little bit left leaning.

[Ben Glebe]

A little bit pretty good left.

[Unknown]

PBS is down the middle as can be. I watch every PBS Newshour and it just is. They go, they bend over backwards to be fair to Trump to say, but the administration is saying this and this is fair having people on both sides on all the time. And it's a dry, almost boring news broadcast that's down the middle. I think that Trump is not is wanting to cut their funding cuz it's the only news organizations that he has any control over the funding for that the government funds. And he just hates the media and hates negative coverage of himself. And he's like, this is the one I get to take my anger out on. Forget Big Bird, go screw yourself. I mean they do a lot of very educational down the middle programming.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. But I also why do they need to be funded? They make a product, they can sell their product. I don't know why government's funding any news where's tons of outlets people can get it right.

[Unknown]

I think it's good that they also just cut the funding for like Voice of America. That was like sending America's message around the whole whole planet and helping us shape our pro American narrative across the planet. We needed that and Trump just cut it.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm in general for just fucking cutting as much shit as we can, but it's only because they wasted so much money on so much shit. That's all.

[Unknown]

I agree with that. But I also think they need to be cutting like an equal amount of rich people shit versus regular people shit and poor people shit. And doge just like so focused on poor people shit and regular shit and informative shit and like didn't touch any subsidies, didn't touch anything. Subsidies to oil companies, to Elan's companies, to all these different things and increase the military spending which we absolutely don't need. And so it looks like Actually, after all, the Doge cuts that were supposed to be 2 trillion are now 150 billion only. And that's before the lawsuits and all that. And the increases, they've actually increased spending and not. So if you're going to increase spending and just fire, like, air traffic controllers and Social Security office workers, that's just cruel, I think.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, they probably have a different take on it.

[Unknown]

Probably that.

[Ben Glebe]

But in general, I would like to take government, rein them in, shrink them.

[Unknown]

Sure. That's what I would like. I agree with that.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, Mayhem, what else you got?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, I got the city of Chicago and former Empire actor Juicy Smollett have reached a settlement six years after the city sued the TV star.

[Ben Glebe]

Six years?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. This is kind of an odd story because they don't tell us how much the settlement was for, but they do tell us the city sued Small A in April 2019, three months after he claimed he was the victim of a racist, homophobic attack in Chicago's Streeterville neighborhood.

[Ben Glebe]

The one thing I am jealous about with the blacks, you get the mini earring, you get away with that. And then, like Jussie Smollett, like, if you said to me six years ago, who's this guy? I'd be like, I don't know. He's on a TV show. Yeah, but then the shit goes down and like, day two, and then you have like, every black politician and Gayle King, and everyone's like, he's like a brother to me and Gayle King. It's like, you guys all know him that well, and you're all fucking brothers and sisters. He's a good friend of yours. Like, he's on a TV show and he has a part on a TV show. And I don't claim to know any white actors just because they're white. Like, they're not your brother. They're not your best friend. Like, they're all, like, sitting around. Kamala Harris is talking about it. You got Gayle King about. They're all best friends. All of a sudden it's like, how do you know this guy so well?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Six Degrees of Tyler Perry.

[Ben Glebe]

That's what it. That's what maxi black people, you're saying, yes, that's your favorite.

[Unknown]

They rally around each other.

[Ben Glebe]

I was on a flight, and years ago, I was on a flight from New York to la, and Jim Brown was on legendary. Jim Brown's on the Flight.

[Unknown]

One of the great actors of our time, Dirty Dozen. And that was it.

[Ben Glebe]

And. And Tommy Davidson, like, the 12th lead on in Living color. Something is sitting next to me. And Jim Brown comes onto the flight. I'm like, I like football. Like, oh, shit, it's Jim Brown. There's Tommy, they're hugging him. And Tom, I'm like, you don't know him. You don't fucking know him. You're Jim Brown. This guy is an unfunny comedian. What do you even know this guy for? Why are you hugging. Because they're. Because they're in the club. They're hugging it out. And I'm like, I don't do that. It's like Henry Winkler walks on Henry Winkler. I don't know him. You know, we can admit we don't know each other. You know what I mean? That's. Oh, they all knew Jussie Smollett. They're all great friends with him. This was a tragedy. When you attack him, you attack them. It's like it was all. Everyone knew him. And I'm like, you don't know him.

[Unknown]

In fact, you and I by now know each other pretty well. We barely shake hands.

[Ben Glebe]

We wouldn't even do like an elbow. But Jim Brown is hugging it out with Tommy Davidson. Like, you two don't know each other. You absolutely. It's like he played. You were in the league together or something.

[Unknown]

Yeah. This is a fair point. I think they. They're creating a lot of community there. They got each other's back.

[Ben Glebe]

Yes. I don't like it.

[Unknown]

They. Maybe they're meeting in. In. In the morning for a. For a pastry and just. And a miniature earring conversation inside a miniature pastry shop. But also a miniature earring inside a miniature pastry shop. It looks like a really good size earring.

[Ben Glebe]

Brad Williams should pay more for earrings.

[Unknown]

100%.

[Ben Glebe]

100%? Yes, 100% more. He's getting let off for Eric.

[Unknown]

Absolutely.

[Ben Glebe]

Because that. He'd look like a baller with Eric Adams miniature stud, wouldn't he?

[Unknown]

If Brad put a full size diamond earring in his ear, he would just like immediately anchor to the ground, walk.

[Ben Glebe]

In circles, tear it on like Reservoir Dogs. Remember when the earring was. Would connote whether you were gay or not? Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

In a certain. In the left ear, I think.

[Ben Glebe]

Is it the left I miss.

[Unknown]

That was the earring. That was a great time.

[Ben Glebe]

I missed the bandana in the back pocket.

[Unknown]

Oh, that was the thing. Oh, what did that mean?

[Ben Glebe]

That let people know where you were at, gay wise.

[Unknown]

What did it signify? You're like extra gay. Different colors, super gay.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. You didn't see the movie Cruising With Al Pacino?

[Unknown]

I don't think so.

[Ben Glebe]

Gay, like brown bandana meant one thing.

[Unknown]

Did he have like a quick foray into gay porn? What film was this?

[Ben Glebe]

You didn't see Cruising?

[Unknown]

No. Oh, grab my bandana. Grab it hard. Give it a toe.

[Ben Glebe]

Find me the poster for Cruising. Al Pacino.

[Unknown]

Al Pacino bandanas out.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is this an Albert Brooks film?

[Unknown]

Who?

[Ben Glebe]

Al Pacino was an undercover cop in like New York and had to infiltrate the gay bar scene because there was killing, there's murders going on and he had to go gay to infiltrate the gay scene.

[Unknown]

I love his big speech in that film when he walks in and he goes, you didn't see who killed him because he had a great ass.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, man, look at that poster, somebody. This is not the poster. Find the fucking. This is a made up two hands.

[Unknown]

In the air, grabbing for Al Pacino's like very YMCA cop body.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Ben Glebe]

I am telling you, he did a full leather homo move.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Like, what year is cruising from ALP?

[Unknown]

I'm about to come.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, it was like 81 or something.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, look this up on Mr. Skin, will you?

[Unknown]

Well, look at that. He looked. He's committed to that character.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Also, is he being touched by himself?

[Ben Glebe]

It looks like there's another Pacino. And they were saying stuff that I was like 16 and they're like hips or lips? And I was like, oh, God damn, I gotta take a shower.

[Unknown]

What does that even mean, hips or lips? Bang. Or, or. I got it now. That's fair. What year was the director told every background actor make the most gay mid sex face you can make?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Freddie Mercury's on fire back there.

[Unknown]

Yeah, he is. My goodness.

[Ben Glebe]

What year is that? 80. 1980.

[Unknown]

19 Gaty, I think 19 G. 19 Gaty 4.

[Ben Glebe]

Here's another joke you could help me with. I was trying to work this one out. I've never been able to do it. Freddie Mercury, he was like, it's the 70s and like, I want to come out. I want people to know I'm gay. But I don't really. I can't really come out. But I'll. I'll start a band. I'll call it Queen. And then people will know. And then people are like, but that guy gets a ton of tail. And he's like, I know, I'll do a big overbite. I'll grow a funky mustache. I'll wear like a hat and a tank top. And he'll strut around like, everyone will know I'm gay. Trying to send the message and everyone's like, God, man, that guy probably pulls a lot of hot chicks, you know? And then at some point, he's like, all right, fuck it. I'm just getting aids. I'm so fucking tired of trying to convince you guys I'm just getting aids. And you can just figure it out yourself.

[Unknown]

I think the joke is there.

[Ben Glebe]

It's already fully formed.

[Unknown]

That's the delivery there. And then maybe. Maybe the last step is like. And then still people don't believe. It's like, I'm gonna die of aids.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm gonna die of aids.

[Unknown]

Die of aids.

[Ben Glebe]

Then they're really gonna convince you guys.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Ben Glebe]

All right. He. Do you have the. We have the trailer for Cruise.

[Unknown]

I love that you believe an overbite signifies man is out.

[Ben Glebe]

It helps. We need sound. Sorry.

[Unknown]

Oh, I'm excited about this. There's Pacino in a dark hallway. Go undercover.

[Ben Glebe]

Wait. Start from the beginning. Sorry.

[Dawson]

In.

[Unknown]

But, you know, Cruising for Undercover Tale.

[Ben Glebe]

It's like, I hung out with Lou Reed for three weeks so I could learn the role.

[Unknown]

How would you like to disappear?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Disappear.

[Unknown]

Go undercover.

[Dawson]

You know this man who's here?

[Ben Glebe]

Guy.

[Unknown]

I'm here.

[Ben Glebe]

You. Everything was creepy back then.

[Unknown]

Are all the same physical type.

[Ben Glebe]

What about him? Skip.

[Unknown]

And trailers are so much slower.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

40, 150 pounds.

[Ben Glebe]

Dark hair, dark eyes. Have you ever seen him before?

[Unknown]

I want to send you out there to see if you can attract this guy.

[Ben Glebe]

How? Where? Gay bait.

[Unknown]

Even his police captain is, like, seducing him. He's like, I want to send you out there.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, I don't know why we needed this movie in 1980, a New York City detective in search of a killer is about to disappear.

[Unknown]

In search of a killer piece of ass.

[Ben Glebe]

Is it dangerous? What was the attraction? Oh, Karen Allen is in this movie.

[Unknown]

You know, you're gonna end up the same person when it's over.

[Ben Glebe]

All right.

[Unknown]

He's working out just for the gay club.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Hell, right?

[Ben Glebe]

I didn't make this up, did I? No, this is a gay movie. This is 1980s, 1980. This is. This is 45 years old. The one with the hat. Is that the one that followed you? You know, they should do. You know, it'd be good when. At some point. When Al Pacino gets the lifetime achievement award at the Oscars, Every clip is from Cruise. Like, there's a mont. That's seven minutes long. It's seven minutes, but only from Cruising.

[Unknown]

I also think it's amazing.

[Ben Glebe]

There's one movie, and it's Cruising halfway through this Trailer.

[Unknown]

Pacino still hasn't spoke. He might have been doing the worst gay. Can you imagine, like, even trying a gay accent? How do you do it? He's too rough and manly.

[Ben Glebe]

I don't know. Play a little more hips or lips. I think you should check them. Check them. He's gotta go. He's got infiltrators, fighting guys and thong backs. He's the wrong guy. Prince don't match. It's.

[Unknown]

It's working out again.

[Ben Glebe]

What he sees.

[Unknown]

Is it a gay horror film?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. I don't think I can do the job, Captain. I. I don't think I can handle it. There's just stuff going down.

[Unknown]

I don't think I can.

[Ben Glebe]

I can deal with it. I got to take a shower after this trailer. What he experiences.

[Unknown]

Yes. What he desires.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, hold on. Imagine a poor guy had to cut the trailer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

It's just two hours of this. And he's like, I'm working out a bunch of times. Getting home in time for dinner. Keep having him work out.

[Unknown]

He also, like, seems uncomfortable, the editor, with the premise. He's like, all the clips are like, I don't think I can do it. Then he's working out again. Please take me out of this gig, Captain.

[Ben Glebe]

Is this the weirdest movie?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can't believe this is real.

[Ben Glebe]

It's real.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

But it's the only movie we're gonna get clips from when he gets his life beverage.

[Unknown]

When I was doing Cruising, I failed at my artistic peak.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, let me tell you. I'm gonna be doing Stand up. That'll be May 24th at the stand Up Comedy Club in Bellflower, California. And then Tacoma Comedy club. That'll be May 30th. You can go to appcrow.com for all the live stuff. Ben, where should we send people to find your stuff?

[Unknown]

I don't think anybody's buying tickets to my virtual show. Probably@nowhere comedy.com. so I was gonna plug that. I'm on OnlyFans now, and I'm not doing adult content on there. I'm sorry. Disappointed. But it's like this very personal look at my life. Things from my camera roll. I don't post anywhere else that don't make sense in my Instagram. Onlyfans.com benglebet like $7 a month right now. There's a promotion. You get it for, like, four cruise Cruising with Ben.

[Ben Glebe]

Glee. That's what should be called.

[Unknown]

You subscribe and you get, like, 40 videos. Three videos a month, new ones. And it's a great way to support me, even if you don't want to go on there. But OnlyFans.com Benglebe it's not just for porn anymore.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I'm probably joining for funsies.

[Ben Glebe]

There's people doing standup shows there, right?

[Unknown]

I just did a standup show for them and I have a contract, so I got a. You know you're gonna get new videos from me. I did stand up. It was great. A lot of fun. I unretired some bits.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Cool.

[Unknown]

It was a good time.

[Ben Glebe]

So until next time, Sam Crawford, Ben Glebe and Mayhem saying Mahala.

[Dawson]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and then get tickets to see Adam corolla [e-mail].

[Ben Glebe]

Stream all the movies and shows you love for free on Pluto tv. Say what now? Showtime. That means drama is free. With heart wrenching stories from love and basketball power and Greenleaf. In this family we live by the spirit and laughter is free. With gut busting comedies like Key and Peele, the neighborhood Everybody Hates, Chris and Boomerang. Watch all the hits all for free from all your favorite devices.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh my God, I love it.

[Ben Glebe]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream now. Pay never. McCrispy strips are now at McDonald's. I hope you're ready for the most dippable chicken in McDonald's history. Dip it in all the sauces. Dip it in that hot sauce in your bag. Dip it in your McFlurry. Your dip is your business. McCrispy strips at McDonald's.