Olympic Balls, Literal and Figurative + Greg Fitzsimmons

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show: "Olympic Balls, Literal and Figurative + Greg Fitzsimmons"
Release Date: June 5, 2025
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Greg Fitzsimmons, Rudy Pavich

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1. Introduction and Guest Welcome

Adam Carolla kicks off the episode by welcoming his longtime friend and comedian Greg Fitzsimmons back to the studio. He also introduces Rudy Pavich, another talented comedian, who joins to handle the news segments. The trio sets the stage for a conversation filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions.

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2. The Art of Profiling in Everyday Life

A significant portion of the episode revolves around the concept of profiling and judging others. Adam shares his views on how society has shifted away from profiling, leading to unintended consequences.

• Adam Carolla (04:22):
  "When you stop judging, you get a bunch of shit you don't want. Cause judging kind of keeps people in their lane. You know, it's good to judge."

He illustrates his point with experiences from the show’s booking process, emphasizing his reliance on profiling to anticipate guests' behaviors.

• Adam Carolla (06:07):
  "Fitz Dog is gonna be on time, and he'll be prompt. And maybe a little early."

Rudy adds his perspective, highlighting the importance of being able to profile effectively to manage expectations and interactions.

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3. Navigating the Complexities of Touring and Earnings

Adam delves into the challenges of managing club earnings during tours. He recounts a specific incident where he noticed discrepancies in the money received from club owners, leading to tension and the need for confrontation.

• Adam Carolla (26:33):
  "I think it's light. But we packed up and left. And then I was kind of crunching the numbers and kind of working. Annoying. We made this much was in Tacoma. So. Huh. How'd we only make way. Like a quarter of that?"

This segment underscores the importance of transparency and trust in professional relationships, especially in the entertainment industry.

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4. Selling Merchandise and Books on the Road

The discussion shifts to the logistics and satisfaction of selling merchandise and books while on tour. Adam shares his method of managing unsold inventory, emphasizing the hands-on approach he takes to ensure everything is sold efficiently.

• Adam Carolla (34:02):
  "I patched a big hole in the bottom with this one by. And I spray paint it, fix the handle and blah, blah, blah. It's still kind of wounded warrior stuff, but it gets around."

Rudy highlights the benefits of cash-based sales, recounting his own experience selling pins as a straightforward and profitable method.

• Rudy Pavich (37:28):
  "I sell pins. These little metal pins got my face and my name on them... it's a cash flow business."

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5. Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Stories

The hosts and guests share a series of humorous and sometimes bizarre personal stories, ranging from awkward travel experiences to childhood memories.

• Adam Carolla (49:52):
  "There is, like, a man standing there... and it's like he had ate a dead moose and just shat it on the street."

• Unknown Guest (49:06):
  "And this dude was, like, maybe in his 60s, like low 60s, but cognizant."

These stories serve to entertain listeners while also providing deeper insights into the personalities of the hosts and guests.

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6. Insecurities and Social Interactions

Adam initiates a profound discussion on insecurity, exploring how it affects interactions and relationships. He contrasts his own lack of insecurity with the pervasive insecurities he observes in others.

• Adam Carolla (94:58):
  "You need one flexible person that goes, I don't know, what time do you want to eat? You know?"

He elaborates on how insecurities drive much of the friction he encounters, both personally and professionally.

• Adam Carolla (98:31):
  "I'm now starting to think that insecurity is at a weird level in our world because people who did stuff like built bridges and turned wrenches and fixed stuff and sort of had a hands on, sort of tactile whatever. Those guys were always super secure."

Rudy concurs, sharing his experiences with difficult individuals and emphasizing the importance of self-awareness in mitigating misunderstandings.

• Rudy Pavich (99:07):
  "If you ever have to travel with difficult people, that is their Super Bowl of difficult."

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7. Parenting and Family Dynamics

The conversation naturally veers into personal reflections on parenting and family relationships. The hosts discuss varied experiences, from neglected parental support to the complexities of modern family structures.

• Adam Carolla (60:42):
  "I want to know where she was on the sandwich scale, because you can tell who she is and how into her kids by how much time she spent making sandwiches."

They share stories highlighting both positive and negative aspects of parental involvement, offering a blend of humor and heartfelt insight.

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8. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Shows

As the episode draws to a close, Adam and his guests promote their upcoming shows and projects, encouraging listeners to attend and engage with their work.

• Adam Carolla (75:24):
  "Fitz dog's got dates. Gonna be in Tampa, gonna be in Torrance, gonna be Point Pleasant. No, I just was on alliteration roll there."

They also touch upon the importance of adaptability and continuous improvement in their comedic endeavors.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla (04:22):
  "When you stop judging, you get a bunch of shit you don't want."

• Adam Carolla (26:33):
  "We sold more tickets and I got less than a quarter of the money from Tacoma. Something seems wrong."

• Rudy Pavich (37:28):
  "I sell pins... it's a cash flow business."

• Adam Carolla (94:58):
  "You need one flexible person that goes, I don't know, what time do you want to eat?"

• Adam Carolla (98:31):
  "Insecurity is at a weird level in our world."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and insightful commentary on societal behaviors and personal relationships. Through engaging conversations with Greg Fitzsimmons and Rudy Pavich, Adam explores themes ranging from the nuances of profiling and the challenges of touring to deep dives into personal insecurities and family dynamics. The episode not only entertains but also invites listeners to reflect on their interactions and perceptions in everyday life.

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Note: Timestamps are approximate and based on key moments throughout the transcript.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, very funny comedian Greg Fitzsimmons, Fitz Dawg is back in studio. Also, another funny comedian, Rudy Pavich is going to do the news. So we're getting some good conversations. We'll do that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Summer is here and Podcast one has a brand new sports podcast. It's the all new Pac Man Jones show called Politely Raw. Now on Podcast one. Join former NFL star and pro bowl cornerback Pac Man Jones as he brings you his unfiltered takes, raw interviews and stories as only he can tell them. If you love sports culture and controversy, you're going to love Politely Raw as nothing is off limits. This makes for an entertaining and compelling listen each and every time. The new pec man, Joe Politely Raw episodes drop weekly and are available wherever you find podcasts. The new McCrispy strip is here. Dip approved by Ketchup, Tangy barbecue, Honey mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, Double dipped in buffalo and ranch More ranch and Creamy Chili McCrispy Strip Dip now at McDonald's you buy a.

[Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

To see the video version of the Adam Carolis show, check us out on YouTube and rumble on linked in the description.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Greg Fitzsimmons. Plus the news and trending topics with Rudy Pavage. And now, hoping there's no tariff on Lexington Steel. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it. Who's that? Get it on. Got to get it on. Who in Nina Hartley's name is that? No choice but to get it on. Fitz Dog. Back in studio, everybody. Fitz Dog's got dates. He's got his podcast. Got his very funny special. Not all specials are funny, but Fitz Dogs is funny.

[Rudy Pavich]

Thank you, my friend.

[Adam Carolla]

What's up on YouTube, Brent?

[Rudy Pavich]

It's on YouTube? Yep. We just hit a half a million views.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, that's a good number on YouTube. So I'm finding out. I mean, I talked to a lot of people. I go, he's got his thing on YouTube. And then they go, that's 44,000. And that's okay. That's pretty good. You know, whatever. But 500, that's big.

[Rudy Pavich]

Well, you're a part of that. You know, You're a big part of that. You know, I've been on here, as, you know, quite a few times, and I feel like your audience, when I do live shows, they come out, and. And they're great audience members.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Rudy Pavich]

They're all male, and it's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

All. All right, well, let's talk about lots of subjects. Rudy Pavich is here. Just got off the road with Rudy. Had a good time doing shows in the Pacific Northwest.

[Unknown]

Tacoma's great.

[Adam Carolla]

So speaking of this. All right, so I do not feel like people profile enough. And what I'm saying is about 20 years ago, we're like, no more profiling. It's bad. And then we did this thing where we went, no profiling. And then we said, you can't judge. You cannot judge. And I'm like, okay, that's all we got as a society now. Okay, we stopped judging. Now bitches are wearing pajamas to the airport because we stopped judging. I frequently see women in slippers.

[Rudy Pavich]

Is that the offshoot of this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. When you stop judging, you get a bunch of shit you don't want. Cause judging kind of keeps people in their lane. You know, it's good to judge. Now there's a version of profiling and a version of judging that isn't good. But in general, it's a very helpful tool. And I do it all day because of my hypervigilance. And so when. Years ago. It was a couple years ago or something, we had some guy booked on the show, and I said, what is the guy? What's his thing? And they go, he's a popular white rapper. And then I got here, and it was like an hour before the show, and I said, somebody should call this guy's people and make sure he remembers that he's coming. He's gonna be late. He may not even know it. And everyone sort of looked at me like, well, his call time is 10 minutes before 1. We should have one. I go, call him now. Call him now. But they're like, it's an hour before. He's a white rapper. Just call. Like, call. Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, so nobody told us this. Okay, so he's not. All right, thanks. He's not coming in. I'm like, I know he's not coming in. That's what I'm telling you. Cole, yesterday we're doing a show, and we had Asian stuntman coming in. And I announced, everybody, okay, he's gonna be early, so we gotta be prepared to go a little bit early. And everyone looked at me and went, you've never met the guy. And I said, I don't need to meet the guy. I never met the white rapper either. But this guy's Asian and he's a stuntman, and he does. He does martial arts, so he's super. He's not going to be late.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Drunk last night and sleeping. Fitz Dog. Now, Fitz dog is a different profile. That's an experience profile. I'm like, he's not going to be funny, so.

[Rudy Pavich]

He won't let you down. I mean, he'll let you down, but he won't let you down.

[Adam Carolla]

He's been on the show 28 times. He's never. So no.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's called a straight man, Adam. It helps you be funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, fitz dog is gonna be on time, and he'll be prompt. And maybe a little early.

[Unknown]

Pencil in his ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I pencil his ass riding that school bus, dropping him off. And so I was like, this is who he is. And every time I do it, people kind of look at me, and I'm like, don't look at me weird. That's how I go through life. It's a helpful tool. You know things before they. And you don't get caught off guard. We have an hour's notice that the white rapper's not coming in. We don't find out six minutes after the show was supposed to start. When we start telling, it's easy. I was walking through Burbank at night, still displaced with my girlfriend. And we're, like, crossing a major intersection a couple nights ago. And as I was like, nine at night, and there's a. Kind of a big dude, and he was kind of walking in front of us, and he was walking weird. Like, he was intoxicated. And he was a big guy, and he was walking in a. Clearly he was under something. I don't know what. I can't tell what drug he's on. I don't know if it's booze. I don't know if it's an impairment. But you get to the other side, and then we're crossing the other way. And that means the Three of us are just gonna stand together on this corner in this small space at night in the middle of Burbank. And she's just trotting along, and I, like, grabbed her shoulder and I said, pull it back. Like, come back. We'll stand on this side. We'll cross over. And she's like, huh? And I used to watch a guy, and it's like, he looked off weird, fucked up and big. So I was like, I'm sure he's up to nothing. But why are we. Why are we even doing this? We can avoid. Let's just profile people. It's easier. It's an easier life. You do it with dogs. That's all you do with dogs. 100% dog profiling constantly. Anyone who's walking their dog, and there's another dog walking toward them. Profile. Up the wazoo. Right. Tail wagon. Friendly. Know that dog? What breed is it? It's not bad. And judging isn't bad either.

[Rudy Pavich]

No. And, you know, look, I was a single man at one point, and my numbers were good. I. You know, I wasn't hard on the eyes. And I would look for a girl, and it's like a hunter. You look for the weak one in the group. I see a girl, and she's got a tattoo on her hand and a nose ring. She makes bad decisions. I'm in.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You're just gonna be another one of her many bad decisions. Yeah. The tongue piercing always suggests open for business, too, because that's sending a little message to the world.

[Rudy Pavich]

There's a matching unseen piercing that goes with the tungwon.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You'll find that one out. You'll see it later.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's a treasure hunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

There was three people on my flight from Vegas this morning, 7am and as soon as I saw him, I went, those three are trouble. You could see it in them, you know? Kind of fucked up, like, on the way back from Vegas. Early morning. And that's always the case. The fight out of Vegas, 7am They've stayed up all night. And I was. They were playing the slot machine at the gate, which is never a good sign.

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, Right.

[Unknown]

And we got. Literally, the flight starts to back up from the airport, and I hear these three get into it with the flight attendant. And the flight attendant yells, sir, if you don't put that window down, we will turn this plane around. And I'm like, God damn it, shut up up there. We gotta get to.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't. It's. So the weird part is the people that cannot maintain you Know, like, you see all those videos and you have that thing where the cop just goes, I'm gonna tell you for the last time to roll the window down or I to break the window, ma' am. So either roll it down right now or I break the window. And they go, you don't even know. And it's like, all right, here we go. And it's like, so avoidable. Could have saved your window. He told you this is how it was gonna be? Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

Me and my buddy jumped to turnstile in New York when we were younger, and there was an undercover cop, and he grabbed us, and he's writing us tickets, and I'm just looking at the cop, like, that's how it works. And my friend's going like, oh, you're a big guy. You're a top.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

And so he got cuffed and he got taken in for no reason whatsoever.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, I want to ask you guys if you'll sign off on this rule. Rudy, you weren't there, but after the show in Spokane on Sunday night, an Uber picked us up. This guy was driving a Tesla sedan, but it was squatted, it was lowered, which you don't typically see with the Tesla crowd. You'll see, like, a slammed Acura or Honda or BMW 3 Series, but you don't see the slammed squatted Uber. Now, with my car radar that's built in and my hypervigilance and everything, I'm walking up to the car, and I can see 2 inches lower than it's supposed to be, which means. All that means is rough ride that's essentially taking cars put on lower, stiffer springs. And it's good for the racetrack, but it's not good for the potholes and the highway speed bumps.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then we proceed to get dropped off at the wrong hotel because there's three of them with the same name in the same three blocks. And we go to the wrong one. And as we go to pull into the hotel roundabout the driveway, the car's just dragging. It's scraping first off. The guy has to hit it at a hard and weird angle. Like, when your car's real low, you can't go straight at the driveway. You gotta go sideways at the driveway. So he's going sideways, and he's gotta bring it. He's gonna cut it back. It's like he's sailing, you know, he's finding the wind. And we drag, which is the worst sound ever, all along the driveway, turn around, and then we get to the thing, and we go, oh, this is the wrong hotel. And he goes, oh, man. Now this guy does my favorite Uber move and I don't understand it. It should be police. The driver's seat is full recline. It's a full recline. First off, you're not supposed to drive like you're in a fucking barber chair. You know what I mean? Like you're getting your hair washed. You're not even supposed to drive that way. There is no race car driver that drives recline. They drive up and their elbows are bent mostly. They don't have straight arms. There's an effective way to do it. You watch nascar. Those guys are driving with their elbows bent. Nobody drives like that. So it's not a good technique. But all you do is put people in the back of your car all day and your seat is fully reclined. It goes way past the B pillar. No, he's just. That's how I like driving that way. His thing. Also he's got a squatted Tesla, so he's like, he's into something, but it's fully. It's almost touching the seat behind. There's like three inches of knee room. Okay. It's weird that you're not alerted to.

[Rudy Pavich]

I'm guessing there is music playing that's loud and you dislike.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, there was some music, but it was not. It was. I disliked it, but it was not loud. But when we pulled into this hotel that we didn't. We weren't staying at, and there was a cab that was basically blocking both lanes. The drop off lane and the just parked sort of in the middle and a little bit Caddy wampus. And it was just there.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And guy didn't seem to be going anywhere. And then the Uber guy was behind him. And then at some point the Uber guy honked. And then the cab guy gave a kind of a fuck you, but moved over. And then the Uber guy pulled up, stopped, rolled the passenger side window down, and proceeded to yell at the guy. And the guy called him a pothead. Which probably based on the squad at Tesla, you know, he picked up a few tells. You know, he did a little profiling himself. But also, maybe the cab driver's just had a really bad day and he's packing. You know what I mean? Like, okay, two rules if you want to drive Uber. No suspension modifications, no lift kits, no squats, no nothing. The cars, as it left the factory, they designed the best, most comfortable ride they can do. Not track days, but comfortable rides. So you cannot squat. You can't drive Uber if you Squat your Tesla. No. No suspension modification. And zero getting into fights with guys. Like, you can't roll your window down and start screaming out the window at this guy who called him a pothead and did a weird jack off move like his hand or something. And I'm like, why we. We're really scrapping with this other guy.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he doesn't know who we are or what's going on. He could just randomly put a couple caps in the side of the fucking door, you know? Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

Can I add another rule to that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and no reclining. No reclining at all.

[Rudy Pavich]

No.

[Unknown]

So as a guy who works on laptop. I'm sorry, Greg, go ahead. I totally interrupted you.

[Rudy Pavich]

The rule I want to add quickly is I was in Dayton, Ohio recently and my Uber driver picked me up. And he was from Middle Eastern descent and he had a Bollywood movie playing on his phone as we drove. And it was. And I was. I couldn't fucking believe it. Yeah, no directions. Like he had another phone in his lap that had the directions and then the Bollywood. And so. And I. And I was gonna complain to Uber, but the movie was fucking great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're happy.

[Rudy Pavich]

I thought this kinda. I kinda like this.

[Adam Carolla]

He was looking at a movie and attempting to drive. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Got that in Tijuana one time getting in a cab on our way down to Revolution Street. There was like five of us. There's only enough room for three. But the guy crams us in there and he's got one of those portable little black and white. This is probably like maybe 1999, 2000. He's got one of those portable black and white T TVs with the rabbit ears on it. And he's watching. What do they call, like, the Spanish Telemundo? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a good ride. Absolutely, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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[Unknown]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

In the in the annals of profiling and back to profile. So everyone needs to know who everybody is and sort of act accordingly. Like for instance, I never have any physical issues. Okay? Never. And if I do, I don't say anything about it. But if I ever come to you and go, I'm not feeling well, I think you should take me to the hospital. Something's up. Something's up. Cause I'll never say it and I never have. But if you hear it from me, something is going down. But I know people who have something every week who think something's going on. And it's like when that person comes up to you, I'm not fit. You can kind of go, once you lay down for a minute, I'll get you some Tylenol. You know, they're probably not that, but there are certain people, if they do say it, it Means something. Right? So. But the profile. But people don't read the profile. Like, they don't know. They don't consider the source, which a lot of people do this. Like, I've had it happen. And you can think about it. Like a lot of people have a kind of. You sure you can. Whatever. I've had it happen a million times where I'll go, like, I'll. I'll hang the TV set. And I go, are you sure you can hang? And I go, I put a Lamborghini inside my office. I put a Lamborghini inside of my. Well, first I built the office, then I put the Lamborghini in it. So I will be able to hang the Samsung. But you should know that because you should know who I am. But on the other hand, if you're talking to somebody else, maybe you should be asking that. Yeah, but you shouldn't be asking me that. It's a waste of your time. You know what I'm saying?

[Rudy Pavich]

I went to urgent care. I'm more of the type that goes in to the doctor if something is wrong. Something was going on with my ear and I went to urgent care, which is, do they have more all around the country or is this California they.

[Adam Carolla]

Do or some version of it.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's basically a collection of medical facility workers that didn't qualify for a hospital or a doctor's office.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

And so I go in. They're like the substitute teachers of the doctor world. And I go in and I had to wait a very long time in an office that I didn't even want to sit down. It had bulletproof glass.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of homeless people rolling around.

[Rudy Pavich]

So there's a lot of homeless people there. And so I finally get in and I sit down and the doctor comes in, and he was late. Like, I sat there for 10 minutes and he came in in a cloud. He had clearly just smoked a cigarette in the alley. And my profile is, do I trust this guy's judgment about health now?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they always say the contractor has the worst house on the block.

[Rudy Pavich]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Many a smoking doctor doesn't mean they can't do their job right. I do like the smoker who doesn't realize the non smoker smells them all the time. Like, I used to have the barber smoker guy, he'd go out, blow butt, flick it off, then he'd walk back in and go, all right, should we get started? Putting shit all over my face? And I'm like, your fucking smells like fingers smell like an ashtray, like, you got it. You got it. No. Right. Pretend I'm your stepdad. I'm in the military, and you're 14 and you can blow up with a spleef out in the garage. What would you do then? You wouldn't just come flying into the house.

[Rudy Pavich]

Do you trust a fat doctor?

[Adam Carolla]

I trust a. I don't think you have to live it, whatever that thing is. I want to hear your information, but I don't think you need to live it now. At a certain point, you don't want a personal trainer who's morbidly obese. You know what I mean? But I can still. I'll listen to him.

[Unknown]

Yeah. My aunt has more information about shit she does not know about and dishes it out. So to go to the. You don't have to necessarily live it. She doesn't live anything, but knows so much about everything and will tell you that she knows about it.

[Adam Carolla]

But does she know it?

[Unknown]

That's the problem. She doesn't know it. Yeah, well.

[Adam Carolla]

So back in the. So back to profiling, or back to sort of me saying I'm not feeling well. Maybe I should go to urgent care. You should jump up and run for the car if I say that, because I will never say it to you. So we're in Tacoma and Spokane, right? And you guys know the club world. The club world is like, well, the place holds 200 people or it holds 310 people. And then you're going to get 80% of the door or 85% of the door. And then the tickets are, you know, my tickets are expensive. The VIP one is like 95 bucks. That second tier is like 65. And then general mission, like 55 or whatever. And then you sort of start doing the math. Well, look, we sell the place out, and the Average price is 60 bucks, or we get 85% of the whatever. And so you kind of. You get a little number in your head. And then, you know, before the show, you kind of go out and you peek out, you know, how are we doing out there tonight? Well, the first show sold out, but the second show's a little lighter, you know, and you start going, all right, so 300 and then like half of that for the second show. Okay, we're at 450. All in two shows. You know, you start kind of working these numbers out. So Mike August isn't with me on this trip. He's always doing the trip, but he's not. He's not always. This time he's not. But he Usually is. I get the check from the club owner at the end of the night. On Sunday night, it is both clubs because they're connected, Spokane and Tacoma. So it's a check from Friday night, Saturday night, and then Sunday night, and I get the check and I'm looking at the amount and I'm looking at him, and I go, this is light. Like something's off here. Now here's where the profile comes in. Mike and I have done this for 15 years, and I've never once said to Mike, hey man, can you look into this? Because I think I'm not. I don't think they tried to steal from me. I think they miscalculated something. It's not penciling out right. And then I got, as I write Mike, an email that night. It says, basically, look.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, so you didn't say anything to the club owner. You saved it for Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't. Well, he made the checkout. Yes, you're right. I just sort of looked at it and I went, this. No, actually, my first thought was I was just a little disappointed. Like, I was like, ah, I thought we did better this weekend, but I guess we didn't. You know, first I turn on myself.

[Unknown]

Yeah, don't let him downplay it, Fitz. Doug, he put a hole in the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Unknown]

He was so pissed.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, listen, for considering my former jobs, I never care and stand up's easy and it's fun and whatever, but I did look at it. I went, this seems light. But we packed up and left. And then I was kind of crunching the numbers and kind of working. Annoying. We made this much was in Tacoma. So. Huh. How'd we only make way? Like a quarter of that? But we sold more tickets. I'd figured something out. So then I did something I've never done in my entire professional career. I sent an email to Mike August. And I said, hey, I think this is light. We made this much in Tacoma. We sold almost as many tickets in Spokane, yet I got a quarter of the money. And, like, we sold more than half the tickets and I got less than a quarter of the money from. From Tacoma. Something seems wrong. Mike then writes back his knee jerk email, which is, well, here's why. Leave me alone. You know, he writes back this long. It's a thing. It's, you know, you know what most people's default setting is just sort of like, yeah, just go home. Just go home.

[Rudy Pavich]

Well, what were you wearing?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. And so he writes it, last time we were in, we did this much here Our deal was for 85%. He basically just tells you what you already. He tells you what you already know, but he doesn't address it. And it was a sort of go away. It was a standard. Here's why you got what you got. See you later. And then I got to the airport the following day, and I got on the phone with him and I said, hey, listen, do the numbers really look at the numbers? Because something short here, it's not right. I'm not saying they tried to rip me off or anything. I think they made a mistake when they were calculating this. There's no way I made this much in Tacoma and then that little in Spokane for the same thing with the same number of people, the same price and everything. It's not penciling out. Then he gives me the. We got 85% of the door. The club keeps the other. He tells you stuff, you. Yes, yes, yes, yes. All the stuff I know. Now go look at this. Tickets.

[Unknown]

Just do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Just crunch it. And you go, well, last time in, we did this and we had the same deal as last time. And they tell you stuff you already know. Like, each club is owned by the same owner. So they combine that. Yeah. Yes, it's combined. Yes, it's combined. It's light. It's. I think it's light. Well, I don't know. He kind of had me. Talk me out of it. Basically, get on the plane, fly back to Burbank land, Get to Burbank. Open phone, email from Mike. They were 10 grand short. Yeah, I know. But here's the thing. When the guy who never says a word ever about it, who's super good at math, I do math on my feet super fast, and I'm super accurate. And just when it comes to shit, like measurements and stuff like that, like, I'm not wrong. When that guy says, look into it, don't go. Yeah, all right, have fun. Why don't you have another drink? You know, like, just go. Oh, he never. Okay, I'm gonna look into this. Not shove off. Right? That's all I'm saying. That's all. But for your sake, it'll help you.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And me. And by the way, you get a percentage of the ten grand, so good for you. But why not?

[Unknown]

Between your merch guy and the club stealing from you, man, you have to sell a Newman car here pretty quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. When Rudy does my merch, when he hands me the cash, I'm always like, it feels light. It's light. Books. Feels light.

[Unknown]

A lot of books.

[Rudy Pavich]

You Selling books. Let me ask you this. When you go with him and you sell the merch, do you have to travel with the merch? Is that your suitcase?

[Unknown]

Nah, he travels with it because we're usually coming from different places.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, you lug the books with you in a suitcase.

[Adam Carolla]

Not only do I love those books, but okay, everyone should understand this. And then Fitz Dog, I think you're gonna vibe with this because you're a celebrated author. Yes, yes.

[Rudy Pavich]

It was a party.

[Adam Carolla]

Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmon, confetti all over the floor. It's a great book. Fitz dog wrote. When you are done selling your book, when the publisher deems the bloom is off the rose, these things ain't flying off the shelves anymore. They are left with an inventory of books they have printed, which makes sense. They don't print them as their sold. For me, it's into the thousands for each book. I would say each book has about 4 to 5,000 extra books. Where they're done, they're in a case. They're not selling them anymore. And so you get the call from the publisher, and I've told you guys, this one, they go, so would you like us to incinerate these books like it's Nazi Germany circa 1938? You want us to have a go to the town square and burn your art? Or you can take them.

[Rudy Pavich]

Take them or pay for them.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll give them to you.

[Rudy Pavich]

No way.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on, hold on. Maybe pennies on the dollar. It may be pennies on the dollar, but for me, in my mind, it's like they're giving you your books back or they'll throw them out for you. It's funny. Larry Miller. And it's funny because we went to the 10 things I hate about you. Oh, yeah, High school with Larry Miller. I own a warehouse, and I've always owned the warehouse since I started writing books. So they'd go, we got 4,200 books. I go drop them off. And they just drop them off, and I just stack them in crate. You know, just boxes and boxes and boxes. But. But by the time you get to your sixth book now, you have 30,000 books. I'm open to B. Dalton's over here. So I should sell greeting cards up front. Get a Starbucks franchise in the lobby.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, kids books.

[Adam Carolla]

So Pride month. I have a whole Pride section for Pride month. So I'm sitting there and I take them all. Larry Miller's funny. He said, who wrote a book or two as well? He's like, I don't have a warehouse I have a garage. But I told him, fine, drop them off. He said, it's literally like a fort in his garage he can't use. There's no more cars in the garage. He has 12,000 books in his garage. And he wouldn't throw them out either. But he doesn't know what to do with them. And they're literally. You could build a house out of them. They're like bricks, you know? So I go, look, I'm just gonna take. I have a scale back there. They start charging at 50 pounds. I take a merch bag, which somebody. Which blew out, blew up, fucked up, broke down. And somebody literally threw it out on the curb. And I went and got it. I rolled it back in here. I took some one by three and some wood screws with some finish washer on it.

[Unknown]

This bag looks like Eddie Van Halen's guitar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Or Valerie Bertinelli's. Whatever has more miles on it. She was mean to me, so I'm allowed to do that. But anyway, I rolled that thing back in. I got a piece of one by. I screwed it to the bottom. I patched a big hole in the bottom with this one by. And then I spray paint it, fix the handle and blah, blah, blah. It's still kind of wounded warrior stuff, but it gets around. I've been to 20 other cities with that thing. I put in 49 pounds worth of bugs. I put it on that scale, I get right to 49. And I drag it with me everywhere we go. And I just sell all the books. And to me, it's not money, it's cash. Cause we don't really have cash now. And you still gotta tip the valet or the whoever. There's still like tipping going on. It's the cash mixed with the. Another two bricks have come from the wall of books. And just a little. It's like satisfying. And I swear to God. And I was coming home after selling £49 worth of books over the weekend, and I'm like, I'm almost out of books. And I had bricks and bricks and walls. I had 25,000 books. So there's something weirdly satisfying. But to other people, I realized it could be time consuming and frustrating or something. I don't know what it is. Homes.com. some might say that homes.com is the best home shopping site. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive transparent agent directory. Or maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth that's right info they need to find the right home. It's the one I always use. Homes.com We've done your homework.

[Unknown]

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[Rudy Pavich]

No. Here's my merch. And this is something you might want to look into if your bag breaks down any further is I sell pins. These little metal pins got my face and my name on them. I bring a bag with about 200 in them. I can fit it right in the corner of my bag. And then I sell them at the gig for cash. No credit card, no Venmo, no bullshit. This is cash flow business.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, it's smart.

[Rudy Pavich]

And then I bring home the cash and I walk in the door and I swear to God, my wife, it's never welcome home. It's never. It's handout wants to count the cash. Yeah, it's like she has a little green visor and a cigar and he just sits down at the table and starts separating and they have to be face up in the same direction and then. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you let yourself in to your home or do you do a secret knock like you're at a speakeasy and a little flap goes through the door. Who's that? Mailman. Always visits twice. All right, back down. You hear counting machines in the back.

[Rudy Pavich]

And she has to do it naked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just panties and a bra with a fan going.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, right. But it's great to have that cash, man. Like we just built a new fence and we paid the contractor many thousands of Dollars in cash.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's nice. Rudy's got his golf balls.

[Unknown]

Yeah, the golf balls are hot. I sell like, I've done.

[Rudy Pavich]

You sell golf balls?

[Unknown]

I sell them. 3. A sleeve of them. It's 15 bucks. There's a little saying on it from one of my jokes in the act.

[Rudy Pavich]

15 bucks for how many?

[Unknown]

No, 15 for how many balls? For three balls. It's like a sleeve of balls. But then most people buy them and then give them as gifts, like, oh, my brother in law's a golfer. Whatever it is, there are times, and it happened this weekend in Tacoma where you know, the club will pay you X amount of dollars to host or to feature.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like this week in Adams, fans are the best. And I literally sold $1,000 of golf balls. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

You kidding me? I sold like 600 bucks worth of books. Thousand dollars of golf ball. Two shows.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Two nights. Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Goddamn golf balls, man.

[Rudy Pavich]

That's pretty sweet.

[Unknown]

Yeah. In fact, a guy I opened up for one time saw me, like, the guy had like, T shirts or whatever, and he's selling one or two, but I am like, it's like a fire sale. It's like. Yeah. Literally just throwing away.

[Rudy Pavich]

Well, you know, the big thing in the black circuit is to sell photos after the show. They used to do it with Polaroid cameras, and you'd line up after the show and you'd. You like. They had it like a factory. The line was here, you walked over, the camera was preset, hug, snap the photo, and then he'd sign the bottom, and it was 20 bucks. It cost him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Rudy Pavich]

And. And they'd have a line of people doing it.

[Unknown]

Crazy.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. When?

[Adam Carolla]

Thousand bucks worth of golf balls.

[Unknown]

It doesn't happen every weekend, but every now and again when I go out, it does.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that fit in a backpack, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah. So, yeah. So I typically bring. Each box is 12 balls. I typically bring about maybe 10 to 15 boxes when I go out. And then, yeah, you kind of do the math. And sometimes it's 15 bucks. So a lot of times people just hand you a 20 and go, just keep it. But I love the fact that when Adam talks about it's not about the money at the end of the night, if somebody really wants a life hack here to come to a Corolla show, stand in line last show Saturday night, and wait till halfway when the merch line is down. Because then he's like, I ain't taking these home. He's like, putting them on people. He's like, hey, I'll pay you 10 bucks to get.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's, it's, it's demoralized. And restock these things. And the purpose is to get them out.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's, it's. It feels horrible to bring them back.

[Rudy Pavich]

No, it's like being the chick who's walking home with her shoes in her hand on Saturday night. Things did not end the way they were supposed to.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a quick life hack for everybody. Speaking of travel. And this is just a general whatever thing, but it dawned on me in a time. It's easy to sit back and think about all the times you're slighted or shorted or disrespected or whatever, but you do have to think about the things that went right every once in a while. And we went out to go to Tacoma and Ubered. My girlfriend and I ubered to the. To Burbank. And she said, well, I'm going to go in and check in or whatever. You grab the bags or whatever. And the guy popped the trunk. And I went to the back of the trunk and I grabbed the bags. And now the interior of the car of the Uber was just black leather, black carpet, black on black, like black leather, black carpet. And then the trunk is just all black trunk material, carpet material, whatever. And the guy popped it and then left. And then I went in and I found my girlfriend. I had all the baggage. And then she paused about two minutes later and she goes, did you get my backpack?

[Rudy Pavich]

No, her black backpack.

[Adam Carolla]

Her black. Her black pack. Her black pack. They charge for those Polaroids. The black pack does. That's how they make their money.

[Rudy Pavich]

Your profile.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And I'm like, I go now. I then realized the trunk is a sea of black carpet and your black backpack in there. But I'm good. I was like, no, it wasn't in there. She left it in the black interior of the car where you put it down at your feet. And it's just a black on black hole. And it's gone. It's gone. And then. And we're in there and it was like. I was like, oh, everything's in her backpack. She's this trip ruined. Like, misery. Like, it's gonna be a whole trip. If this is our cvs, I gotta find a cvs. I don't have my. It's gonna be whatever. And her. And I just stood there and I just went, call the guy. Maybe he's not gone. You know, maybe he hasn't gotten too far away or whatever. And we both turned around and the guy Was holding the backpack, standing there, like, a little out of breath, you know, was like, oh, you left this in the car. And I was like. I said, okay, remember this moment for the time when you go, why me? Why every time. Every time I go, now just remember this. The guy's.

[Rudy Pavich]

Tell me about the tip.

[Adam Carolla]

We literally. Oh, I had to provide the tip. You know, that's merch money. Going to tip the guy. I'm like, but, yeah, he got 20 bucks. Everywhere she gave. She makes sure and gave him a tip. He just started to leave. She chased him down and gave him a. Which is the right thing to do. But it was literally like out of a movie where we're both facing the counter and went, I'll go out to the curb. You call. And we both just turn around. He's literally standing there. And it's like, in a world where nothing works out, remember this moment. But don't get a black backpack. No, you're asking for trouble. It will turn. Just. I don't know. Sorry. Hello Kitty. Whatever. I don't care what message you're sending out to the world. Anything but black. Because 60% of the interiors are black. They go on the seat next to you. It's black. Or down at your feet, which is black carpet. Or in the trunk, which is in It's.

[Rudy Pavich]

Or camouflage. Don't get a camouflage bag. You won't see it anywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Ted Nugent picks you up.

[Rudy Pavich]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gone, man.

[Unknown]

Was this in front of the Tacoma Hotel?

[Adam Carolla]

No, this is Burbank. This is at Burbank. This is leaving to Burbank. Rudy and I had a good Tacoma experience.

[Unknown]

I don't know if you. That's why I was bringing up. I don't know if you told the story yesterday or not.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I did not get into the crop duster.

[Unknown]

Oh, so funny.

[Adam Carolla]

You tell it. I think it'll be funny.

[Unknown]

So Adam and I, after the show on Friday night, are outside of the hotel having a drink and just, like, chilling out, you know, and these two guys walk by. They recognize Adam. They were at the early show. They went out drinking, and the guy's like, hey, big fan. Do you mind if we get a photo? Sure. Obviously, you know, Adam stands up, and it's these two guys, and the one guy's going, dude, Ace, My buddy, is the biggest fan. He listens to every show. We're carpenters. We work together.

[Adam Carolla]

Built a sauna.

[Unknown]

Yeah, built a sauna.

[Adam Carolla]

Took the tree down.

[Unknown]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Milled. Milled the lumber on Site like there's. All right, there is, you know, go to the Home Depot carpenter, and then there's fell the tree and milled it out in the wilderness like Grizzly Adams. Yeah. So he did all that.

[Unknown]

Yeah. So this guy's like, oh, he listens to you every day. And as they're about to go in and take a photo, these three guys, his buddy drops the worst ass you've ever smelled. And he goes, oh, man, sorry. Sorry, guys. I can't be in the photo. I just farted. And he walks like 20ft away and lets Adam and the guy stand in his stench. And he's like. The guy's like, I can't do it, man. I'm sorry. And at some point I just yelled, no, no, no, get over here. You're not gonna do. I mean, it was. It smelled. You know when you walk in Austin on 6th street and that sewer smell comes up. It smelled like this guy had ate a dead moose and just shat it on the street. It was so bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's hard to blow up outdoor areas.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like, one time I was with Jimmy and he blew up a beach area with an offshore breeze. And I'm like, wow, Jimmy taking out a large section of the beach with the breeze in the open area, that's gas, you know.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, that's. Cause that bathing suit doesn't have lining. So the air, there's no trapping. It comes right out to the world.

[Adam Carolla]

He. He blew us up, then left the blown up zone. And then we, for some reason acted like it was the designated picture spot on the sidewalk. We didn't go, well, we should move out of the fart bubble ourselves. We just kept standing there being punished.

[Rudy Pavich]

By this guy getting in your clothes for later.

[Adam Carolla]

In my hair? In my clothes.

[Unknown]

I had to wipe off the lens of the camera.

[Rudy Pavich]

You see the picture and everything. Everybody's faces squirmed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But it was all made right when he pulled out 128 pictures of his sauna.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, imagine that guy farting in that sauna, 210 degrees, and that guy blows ass in there. I mean, that. That at that point it becomes, you know, manslaughter. You know, you will take out your sauna, partner. There is that story Dawson and Andrew, you can look for. I keep hearing it, which is. It's not in the news. Our news. But it's a woman that says she had like sinus surgery and her boyfriend farted on her. Did you hear this? Her boyfriend Farted on her. Like, seven years later, she's still not right. Wow. Which. But now, by the way, when that person says, I need to go to urgent care, you go, becky, just sit down. I'll get you some Oval. I'll warm up some milk to sit down. Because that person's clearly affected by things. But she's sitting as her boyfriend farted on her head after, like, a surgery, and she's been infected.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Rudy Pavich]

Have you ever been driving alone and you fart so bad that you have to pull over and check the bottom of your shoes?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, but I like that. I think I can tell you do that. Yeah. Yeah. Mister. Why you gotta have the black interior?

[Rudy Pavich]

Got the black interior windows cracked.

[Unknown]

Yeah. There was a guy who shit his pants on my flight the other day, seat in front of me, and just, like, blew him out bad.

[Rudy Pavich]

How do you know?

[Unknown]

Well, there was a girl who was sitting next. A girl was sitting next to me. She was 6. And she out of nowhere just goes, grammy, you smell like poopy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

And I started to laugh. I started to laugh, and then it hit me, and I was like, whoa, that does smell like poop. All of a sudden, the guy in front of me jumps up, runs to the back of the plane. This is, like, while it's landing. It is. I mean, we are, like, 90 seconds from touchdown. And I hear the woman say, sir, go back to your seat. And this guy does not put up a fight. He goes right back to his seat. And then as the plane literally hits the ground, the girl next to me goes, grammy, you do smell like poopy. And then it hits me again, and I'm like, what is happening? We finally get to the spot where they, you know, they ding the plane. You can stand up. The second that ding goes off, that guy jumps up and he runs past me to the bathroom. And now we're all smelling it, like, what is going on? I stand up to grab my bag. I look down on the seat in front of me, and there is. I'm not kidding. There is a pile of shit in the seat in front of me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Unknown]

And this dude was, like, maybe in his 60s, like low 60s, but cognizant.

[Rudy Pavich]

Was it spirit or frontier?

[Unknown]

Ooh, Frontier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

You know me with that Frontier credit card, baby. Two bags fly free.

[Adam Carolla]

Frontier is like, we have a totally full flight, but our designated shitter's not showing up. We'll give a voucher to someone who will leave the flight. We need. FAA regulations says Frontier Airlines needs one. Shitter on every flight. So we'll give someone free accommodations in a thousand miles if they get off this plane or become the designated shitter or. Yes. Here's some barium. Here's a bell beefer and some barium. Go ahead and take that. Wait 20 minutes, we'll get you on the flight. Rudy, Already seated. Oh, that's brutal.

[Rudy Pavich]

I have gone. I was in first class once and I went back to coach and farted once the flight took off.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good.

[Rudy Pavich]

Just. Cause, you know, it's not that I was being mean to them. It's just there's so few people in first class. Like, they would have figured it out. So you go back to class to math.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

And I didn't, like, stop at row 12 and rip it. There was little at 12, little at 19.

[Unknown]

Just spreading it.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, yeah. Just work it down the aisle.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody.

[Rudy Pavich]

Nobody. You're kind of vaguely aware of it, but you're not getting hit with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Smart. Yeah. The crop dust, I think they call it. Dawson has the story of the woman. Is it a video?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, there's no video. But a woman spent seven years suffering.

[Adam Carolla]

Picture of her. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Seven years suffering from relentless sinus infections. It baffled doctors. Then they took culture samples from her nose and found E. Coli because her boyfriend farted in her face.

[Unknown]

She was like, I don't know. My. My boyfriend just went to an Adam Carolla show with his buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're taking pictures out front. She okay?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Says they were in a hotel room. Two queen sized beds. While she recovered from an operation, she was snuggled under the covers when her ex, standing naked between the beds, turned his backside toward her. Quote, that is when the fart happened. She said, I never, ever, ever smelled anything that compares to that.

[Adam Carolla]

Read, read down the story and see if this guy built a. A sauna. I think I know this cat. I mean, look, first off, I like the cut of this guy's chip.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it between the bed. Farter. That's a. That's a good dude. And I guess if they found E. Coli in her nasal cavity, it could be possible. Was it saying, like, she had an open. You know, like it was from the surgery, like, recovering. I'm reading it's a weird one. It's also. Look, I feel like. I feel like you'd get a thumbs up from P. Diddy. Yeah. Like where your head's at, bro.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She had just had ankle surgery.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But she imagines that her immune system was focused on healing that.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, she twisted the ankle trying to run away from that animal.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me ask you guys a couple of quick mom related questions because I've been thinking about this a lot. P. Diddy's mom shows up to court, she's 85, and then she sits there and has to hear the most horrific. I mean, as a mom, you would much rather just sit there and go, he came in a liquor store and he shot the guy behind the counter and took $80 in cash. Like, you'd go, I'm not proud of him, but I guess you' happens. But the stuff they're saying about P. Diddy is scatological, bizarre, maniacal. Like, she has to sit there and basically hear his girlfriends go. They're being examined, going, did you ever. Did he ever stop beating you? And it like. Well, sometimes his shoulder would get tired, so he would pee on me for a few minutes while he got the lactic acid out of his forearm. And then we stopped peeing on me. He'd go back to beating me. And it's like, the mom just has to sit there. I love my boy.

[Rudy Pavich]

That should be a requirement for every trial. Your mom has to sit there and listen to what you did.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said to people, I wouldn't go. I just wouldn't go and support. I just wouldn't sit. I don't wanna sit there and hear it. You know what I mean? I'm 85. This is gonna be lodged in my brain until I hit the fucking cough in the next two years. It's like, I'm not going. And then the person goes, no, no, they gotta show support. Like, you gotta show. You gotta show support. I'm like, I don't know. Like, I get in a, you know, crazy wig and put on like a Louis Vuitton duster and then sit in there like, aunt Esther. Is that really how much your mom looks nuts?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What are we talking about here? Bootstrapped now. You know what I love about his mom? If someone ever said to my mom, do you think Adam's capable of murder? She'd go, I don't know. I wasn't there. I suppose if he was angry, he might have done. You know, she's sitting there the whole time just going, my precious Angel's never done any of that shit. Right? Like, which is insane because it's just story after story after story and video and freak offs and.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Would your mom go? And would you want. First off, if my mom wanted to go, I'd go, there's no fucking way you're coming into this courthouse, I just go. Don't believe anything you read. Don't believe anything else. But you're not coming in this courthouse.

[Rudy Pavich]

I'll tell you what my mom would do. Because this happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Janice Combs is 85 years old. Morgan and Morgan. Here's a dirty little secret the insurance industry doesn't want you to know. Insurance companies profit by holding onto your money for as long as possible. So after an accident, they might do whatever they can to delay or deny your claim. This is why they can keep those profits growing. Morgan and Morgan fights hard against these corporations to fight to make sure that you get every dollar you deserve. I've spoken to these guys. They're good people. You've seen the commercials. It's a family run business. When Morgan Morgan takes a case case, they're almost always going after the big insurance companies and not the individuals at fault. There's a reason why Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury firm. It's Morgan and Morgan. Am I right, Dawson?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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[Unknown]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the movie Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv. Stream now pay Never.

[Rudy Pavich]

I was arrested on a. On a Friday night for fighting in a bar. I was about 16 years old and my mother and father got the call and decided it would be best for me to leave me in jail till Monday when the judge came in.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Rudy Pavich]

And so they left me in there. And then when my trial came up for disorderly conduct, they did not come.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Rudy Pavich]

They didn't show up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

I got a public defender. Took my lumps.

[Unknown]

Yeah. There's two stories from my childhood where it was such the epitome of my mom. First one is senior. Senior night football. Varsity football. You know when they bring the players out and then the parents come out. All of my friends are out there. They got their moms and dads. All of the moms get a single rose that the players give them. My parents nowhere to be found. And I am standing on the field in between my two best friends, Kenny and Luke, with their parents. I'm standing there by myself with a single rose in my hand. The rose, like the loneliest episode of the Bachelor ever. Just no parents. And then shortly after that, like six months after that. Now, my mom is a good mom. Since then, she's come around. But I had come home on a Sunday, and she goes, where you been? I said, canada. She goes, oh, when did you go there? I was like, Thursday.

[Adam Carolla]

She goes, really?

[Unknown]

I was like, yeah. She's like, who'd you go with? I'm like, mom, this has been on the books for, like, six months. Didn't you, like, at some point on Saturday, go, hey, where's that boy who goes to my kitchen every now and again? She's like, I just figured you were just out with your guys, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there drugs and booze involved?

[Unknown]

No, none of that. It was more so like home life was awful because I had a terrible stepdad.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, now here's the question I keep asking everyone, and I've been really on a roll with it, which is everyone's got their stories, good and bad, but I'm trying to figure out, like, some people go, well, people tell me, like, sometimes I'll go, yeah, my dad didn't do shit for anybody. He's just in his own world. He's real selfish. So I've just. Just sit in the driveway all day and just shoot hoops. That's all I did. Just sit there alone. I go, well, where'd the hoop come from? And they'd go, well, my dad put it up. I go, all right, I got you beat. Because there was none of that. Your dad went and put a hoop up. Something. That's. Even if he just meant he wanted to go inside and get drunk, but he put a hoop up. I'm asking about moms. I want to know where she was on the sandwich scale, because you can tell who she is and how into her kids by how much time she spent making sandwiches. Because it's laborious. It takes a while. There's a half ass version. I talked to Dr. Drew. I said, I know your relationship with your mom. What was your sandwich relationship like? And he goes, she made a shit. It was a shit sandwich. She just made a quickie. Get out of here, Alex. Say, there are other moms who got the fresh kaiser rolls just the way their little sweetie liked them. And the smoked gouda. And he liked. He likes ham, not turkey. So I got a side of that you know, they're cutting tomato. That's top shelf. That's 10. I had zero. I didn't have sandwiches.

[Rudy Pavich]

No sandwich at all?

[Adam Carolla]

No. You can go lower than one. There's something below shit sandwich. There's no sandwich. You can be in a no sandwich zone. But I ask everyone and everyone's sandwich experience with their mom comports with the rest of their. There's no such thing as 10. Sandwich mom and then shit mom after that. If you're at 10 as a sandwich mom, you're also at the volleyball game, cheering. You're down on the 50 yard line accepting the rose. You know, when you're high, sandwich score, you're high, you're saving for college, you're doing all that. So sandwich mom.

[Rudy Pavich]

Fitz dog, Cream cheese and jelly on Wonder bread.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's not always about the sandwich. It's more her relationship, which is, if that's what you want.

[Rudy Pavich]

Did not want that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Bad sandwich mom. Then that sandwich.

[Rudy Pavich]

She was a bad sandwich mom. And she also. I played hockey growing up, and when I joined the team freshman year of high school, she did not buy me no, like, hey, let's go to the sporting goods store. I had skates, but I got them from my friend's older brother. Like, everything was a hand me down. And so I had no pads. And I played the first month of hockey with no pads on. Just skates, sweatpants. Everybody else sat on pads. And then I started finding abandoned stuff in the garbage in the locker room. And some of it had no Velcro, so I just taped it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

And I had a street hockey helmet.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rudy Pavich]

It wasn't a legitimate padded helmet. It was like an ornamental helmet.

[Adam Carolla]

It is insane when you then become a parent and at some point your kids will go, like, I'm kinda interested in playing this or doing that or checking that out. And you go, all right, let's go over to the dicks and get you set up. Just go over there. It's like, what else do you need? Well, I need volleyball shoes and knee pads and a thing. And a thing. And you just go, all right. I don't know what happened to our parents where that was never an option, but you sound like you had some pretty rough sandwich years.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yeah. No sandwiches, decent dinner. Mom made dinner every night, but never a sandwich. Never a sandwich, never a sandwich. It was always. She was very convinced that wheat bread was way healthier than white bread. That was always the stigma. We gotta eat the wheat, but you can only have one piece of bread. You'd have to cut it in half. We always had Oscar Mayer ham, no cheese, never any Miracle Whip, no mayo. It was always dry. But the other thing that I didn't even care so much about the sandwich, it was the chocolate milk. How you had to step on it with the regular milk. That was what drove me the most insane.

[Adam Carolla]

The chocolate milk.

[Rudy Pavich]

What would it be like, another. So she gave you a thermos of milk?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Unknown]

Well, no, she would. Like, if you poured a glass of chocolate milk, you could only fill it up halfway with the diesel and then pour the rest with the regular milk as to not waste the chocolate milk because it was more expensive. It cost 73 more cents than the regular milk.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, this world, this world that we inhabited. Like, I remember their grandpa, Al Lewis from the Munsters. I'd go hang out at his house with his kids. He had the container in the refrigerator, which was half regular milk and half powdered milk. Like, they'd step on. Wow. Imagine buying a gallon of milk and going, we'll just pour a half gallon of this. Then I'm going over to the sink. I'm going to the sink to top it off. Okay, first off, I've said it a million times. If you can't afford milk, you cannot have children. Yeah, that's the most basic sick.

[Rudy Pavich]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, I'm talking all of nature. Like, if you're a wolf who can't nurse its pups, we're taking the pups away. We're going to raise them in a habitat because you cannot provide milk. Like, the essence of life is fucking milk, and you won't do it. There's powdered. Anyone who dodged the powdered milk era in this country, look at yourself as blessed there was such a thing as powdered milk. Somebody decided that milk was too exotic. Yeah, like, like, like I grew up with people when you want milk. Yeah, like, whoa, whoa, slow it down, boy. Like, what, you were flying the Concord to the Gelson to get milk. Like, it's like milk was a bridge too far for half the families. I knew the worst thing Tupperware ever created was that weird refrigerator thing with the pop cap strap on it. Because that's where all the shit went down. That's where all the. The instant, all the stuff that wasn't real. Like, I see no, like orange juice, but not orange juice. God forbid. Orange juice. It was a frozen block. It was a block of a thing. And you put it in there, more tap water. And then you'd shake it up and that it's like really just orange juice too. Far too much.

[Rudy Pavich]

My milk experience was that my parents would have people over, they would get fancy and buy these pre made shrimp cocktails where little tiny shrimp are in a marinade sauce in a small glass with a lid on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Rudy Pavich]

Those were six ounces.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Rudy Pavich]

And those became our milk glasses. We got one glass, it was like a shot of milk that we got at dinner. And we were all skinny. Like my legs were like toothpaste pics. I didn't wear shorts as a kid because I was so embarrassed. It was, it was like the Irish famine. My mother grew up one of seven in the Bronx, poor. And she just never, she could never. And we had money. This was not necessary.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, I think it's what, maybe worse when you. Because Drew's family was the same way. Like they had money, but they wouldn't provide. They wouldn't do it anyway. And you think back, like I love of my family was so insanely cheap that when my sister got married, she got of course got married at my grandparents house, which is a one bedroom, one bath, 1200 square foot piece of shit in the San Fernando Valley. But it had a yard where one could get married for free. And my grandmother, my sister's an adult, I'm an adult now. Like I'm in show business. Nah, wasn't in show business just yet. But anyway, anyway, my grandma's lamenting to me before the wedding, like a week before the wedding. She goes, man, this guy your sister's marrying, he's running up the tab. This was supposed to be sort of on the cheap and easy and now he's getting all crazy and exotic and I'm like, what's he want? An ice sculpture? A belly dancer? She goes, he doesn't want to use plastic sports. He doesn't want to use paper plates and plastic forks. Can you believe that? What are we talking about here? Sultan of Brunei is getting married. And I go, nobody wants plastic forks and paper plates at their wedding. And she's like, I don't get it, what's he want? And I'm like, oh my God, you're so insanely cheap that you think, think the guy wanting some silverware at a fucking wedding is him being wildly unreasonable and a money gouger. Like that's where she. And she's laying it on me. Like I'm gonna go, oh my God, I'm gonna go talk to this guy right now. I'm fucking punching in the face. You want my grandmother? You want something Solid to hold up your cheap cut of beef when you lift it off the. Not on my watch. Listen, you're lucky we're not just using a spork. I said, get rid of the spoon. And why are we having a spoon and a fork? We just could save money with a spork. We can just go down to Colonel Sanders and I can slip a few of those in my backpack.

[Unknown]

You know, I've been to the wedding that came up in Wisconsin. It had a. The invite and then on the bottom said, like, Kentucky Fried Chicken will be served at the reception.

[Rudy Pavich]

Did it just gather the Midwest. Midwest goes fucking low. They do barn weddings with kegs.

[Adam Carolla]

I have been. When I went to Darren's wedding, who is the drummer from Goldfinger, who I was thinking about the other day? He had a cash bar.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, no shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was like. I walked a bar. The Goldfinger sold a few records by then. And I just walked up the bar and they gimme a scotch and a whatever on the rocks. And the guy's like, all right, $11. Okay. Here's my whole thing. Don't get married if that. If that's too exotic for you, don't. You got. You can't have it.

[Rudy Pavich]

The other cheat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Darren Pfeiffer. Yeah. Good dude, I like there. But you can't have a cash bar to work. You can't do. First off, have to. The only reason I showed up was for the free booze. Like, you know what I mean? Half the people are there just for the free shit.

[Rudy Pavich]

That's the thing now, I find with friends is they have a birthday party at a bar, and maybe they even get a back room. Maybe there's a designated room, but they're not paying for the drinks. What's your take on that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I don't.

[Rudy Pavich]

It's like someone's 50th.

[Adam Carolla]

I have gotten into this argument with a few people, but I may be mistaken. The person that invites the other person to dinner is the one who's paying for dinner. That's usually the way I do it if it's a couple. And I do it all the time. Go out with Dr. Drew, go out with this guy, that guy and his wife or whatever. If you initiate the contact, then it's incumbent upon the person that calls the person. Now, sometimes it's kind of a mutual thing. They go, we should get together. All right, let's get something on the counter or something. But if you just invite somebody to dinner, you should pay. You should be the one who pays for the dinner.

[Rudy Pavich]

By extension, if you have a party and 20 people come for your 50th, you should pick up the drinks for everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

I think if you're throwing the thing and you invite the people, and also I will say this, this happened. I'll leave the names out. But if you one goes out to dinner with one other guy and you get the steak, and he gets the steak, but he gets the steak and the lobster tail too, or whatever, and then does a thing where he's like, I'm gonna bring a slice of cake home to my wife. Cause she wants. When the bill comes, you gotta tack another 20 onto the, onto your side of the bill. You can't just go, you can't. It happens all the time. The person next year has had three martinis and you've had a refill on your iced coffee, and the thing comes around and they're like, all right, whack it up. And it's like, you got $61 worth of booze. I got free refills on my iced tea. You gotta factor that in.

[Unknown]

My buddy Fish in Madison is the worst with that. That guy. We go out to dinner and him and his wife would, you know, they'd get big entrees. And I'm not a huge eater, but I'd probably get like a sandwich and a side salad. My bill would be $18. They would rack up 130, and then the bill would come and go, hey, you just want to split this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You can't do it. You got to know. You got to know. All right, let's take a break. Rudy's got the news queued up and we'll do that with Fitz Dog right after this. Shopify. Well, you want to start your own business, but that can be a little bit, bit intimidating. Finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything can be such a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store to match your brand style. You'll be able to get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling. And best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert. With world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping, to processing returns and and beyond. So if you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify, right, Dawson?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com corolla all lowercase go to shopify.com corolla to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com corolla this summer, Pluto TV is.

[Unknown]

Exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV stream now, pay never.

[Rudy Pavich]

What about the boy Scouts that don't know when to get out of the business? You know those old ones, what do they call them? Eagle scouts. They're like 18 years old, they got a mustache. They're still wearing those stupid little shorts and a handkerchief like, dude, grow a dick and join the marines. At this point you got too big to molest.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greg Fitzsimmons is on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Fitz dog's got dates. Gonna be in Tampa, gonna be in Torrance, gonna be Temecula. No, I just was on alliteration roll there. Point Pleasant, New Jersey's coming up after that. Real good stand up comedian. So go to GregFitsimmons.com for all his dates and go find Rudy too. Is a really good comedian as well. Rudy's really stepped up his game.

[Unknown]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

People are laughing.

[Unknown]

Yeah, can't wait. We're gonna be in Salt Lake City coming up in a couple weeks together, so. Looking forward to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, yeah. Rude's really good. Stand up.

[Unknown]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

And improving all the time, but working on it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It's always a work in progress. Yeah. You guys know the Olympic boxer Iman Khalif? Yeah, that's the picture right there. Yeah, I just wanna make sure you guys know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she said Iman.

[Unknown]

Well, it's funny cause like I.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny.

[Unknown]

I found like 13 different websites that all said it differently. So I just went with the one that sounded the most Americanized. So Iman, Iman Khalif is her name. But there's a little bit of, if you remember, Greg, she won the gold medal. Cause she beat the girl from China in the Olympics.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, hold on. It's always funny because I like when people's names sort of compete with what they're doing. So Iman is being accused of being a man. And then Gene Hackman became an actor. His name Hackman, like he'd be making fun of a guy. He's a shitty actor. And then there's my friend. And over at the Calico Fish House. Chef Gruel. Gruel's slop that you feed to prisoners in 18th century France. You know what I mean? It's just weird when you get a last name and by the way, Peter Dinklage. Dinky Tiny Dinkler. Dinklage. It's weird when you are.

[Rudy Pavich]

I got a buddy named Ross Broccoli who is a farmer in Nebraska.

[Adam Carolla]

Get out. Perfect. Yep.

[Unknown]

Wow. Man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. The dude who did my vasectomy. Dr. Pleasance.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Unknown]

Great name. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So if. I don't know if you guys have heard about this recently came out that newly leaked test results prove that Olympic boxer Iman Khalif does have male chromosomes after the International Olympic Committee dismissed the claim as not legit and let her compete in the Paris 2024 Games.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, everyone. People were complaining at the time, and then they said, there's nothing to see here. The little bit of it is like. Like there's a little bit of a sniff test. Like, there's a part where you're going, man, that guy's got pretty ripped up arms. Or that gal.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And a stiff jab. And the other competitors are like, quitting in the middle of the bout. And it's kind of like, well, it's.

[Rudy Pavich]

One of the takes that she's. What do you call it when you have both organs?

[Unknown]

Hermaphrodite.

[Rudy Pavich]

Like that. She's a hermaphrodite.

[Unknown]

Maybe. Because this does say that she was found to have male XY chromosomes in a 2023 test.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of back and forth. There was a lot of speculation at the time, basically what it is. There was a lot of speculation time that it was a male, but then now it's more confirmation that it was a male or something. But see, everyone went on a. Everyone tore. Everyone has said it's a dude, a new asshole, because they weren't being inclusive or they're being whatever and what. And then it turned into a whole big thing. But it's sort of like people were looking at her slash him. And you get to the gold medal round and the chick you're fighting quits. 40 seconds into it, it's like. And you look at the face, you look at the arms, and you're kind of like. And then you kind of get into this Joe Biden world where. Where you have all these guys going out going, hey, White House said he was fighting. And it's like you can see video of him looking completely out. You.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Use your own sniff test a little bit. Like, well, they didn't say anything. Yeah, well, they're not gonna say anything. That's what they do. But you can see video of him kind of looking disoriented. It's. It's on you. It's like the snip. She didn't. Amen. Didn't pass the sniff test, but I.

[Unknown]

Don'T know no guys in the booth. There's a photo on the New York Post. I don't know if you guys have that from the email earlier, but if you bring up that photo, it's her in, like, a suit almost. It's kind of a headshot. And when you look. When I first saw it, I'm not joking. I thought that it was a picture from White Chicks with the Waynes brothers. And I was like, oh. And then I realized. But when you see the features of her face, you go, that's a dude. There's no way. That can't be dude.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, but there are chicks that are much more dude than I am who are just chicks. Yeah.

[Unknown]

There you go right there. That's the one I was talking about. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

Well, having a manly face. I mean, there's a lot of women in sports that look, man.

[Unknown]

China from the wwe.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

She had something. She had. She had a. A disease that was like. And I don't know if it's a disease, but a condition that was like, one of those two words you don't want to put together. Like, it was like clitoris, giganticism or something. Like. Like. Like two words you didn't want put together. You know, she had, like, clitora mania or something. Like, it was, like, literally, like, taking this word, putting it with that word word, and doing the opposite of a Reese's peanut butter cup. Like, you're making the worst thing ever now.

[Unknown]

I thought that dude played in Guar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Giganta. Look up China's. Whatever. It was like, clitor something. And I remember just thinking, like, it's like when you. If you were eating, when you heard it, you'd put your fork down and lean back for a second, like, I can't finish this lasagna now.

[Rudy Pavich]

I'm trying to think of that.

[Unknown]

Who is.

[Rudy Pavich]

Who's the woman basketball player that was held in a Russian prison for.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she's got the voice.

[Rudy Pavich]

The voice.

[Unknown]

Brittney Griner.

[Rudy Pavich]

Brittney Griner. I mean, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

But then you're like, maybe everyone over six' seven has that voice, you know? So I'm not sure. Yeah. When you hear her talk it sounds like Mr. Ed. Yeah.

[Unknown]

We had a couple of neighbors named the McKibbens back in the day. And they were all mom, dad, son, daughters. They were all like 6 foot 5 and massive. And, you know, the Billy was it. Billy Madison o' Doyle rules that family. Like, that's what we lived across the street from. And Shyla McKibben would come out and just wreck shop on every dude in the street playing football, just stiff arm the shit out of them. Kids would be busted up.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened to crazy families that lived next door? Yeah, we had, like, the Montgomerys. There were two giants. They had a dog named Moon who was like a wild dingo. They'd let it run outside. It would attack everyone. Everybody never had grass on anyone. Rode by on a bike, would get chased by the dog that was literally blue and greasy. Like when a dog is the color of the dog is blue and it looks like it's covered with grease. Literally African wild dog. And they would not keep it in the yard. They had a fence. Yeah, they let it run wild. It attacked me once. Any old lady walking down it was Moon was on him. The two fucking brothers were nuts. Like, later on, I found out the Montgomery brothers, like, held up a supermarket or something. Like, what happened to the. To the crazies, you know, the Graviches over there and the Montgomery's over here, and they're fucked up and they were doing stupid shit. Someone was in juvie.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what?

[Rudy Pavich]

There's a lot of motorcycles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What happened?

[Rudy Pavich]

They're kind of taken apart on the lawn.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was probably us just staring at our phones. Now we don't need the crazy neighbors to entertain us. We can watch all the crazy happens.

[Rudy Pavich]

Nobody can afford more than two kids anymore, so you're not getting those big families. I mean, it's.

[Unknown]

It's.

[Rudy Pavich]

You know, abortions are very popular these days.

[Adam Carolla]

What? The syndrome that China had. The China syndrome.

[Rudy Pavich]

Oh, we're for, by the way, one more name. Andy Dick. How did we leave that one out?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're right. Right?

[Rudy Pavich]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Clitoro Maglia megala, Clitora Megala. Yeah, that's Just walk to the other side of the street.

[Rudy Pavich]

It sounds like a dinosaur. That's gonna fuck you, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, that's what she had.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's bad.

[Unknown]

All right, guys. So youth violence has skyrocketed in New York City over the past couple of years. One of the police commissioner. Excuse me, Police Commissioner Jessica Titch came out and she blames it on the raise the age law. I Don't know if you guys know what that is. I looked it up. So apparently kids who have committed crimes, especially violent crime, like gun related charges, usually around the age of 14, could be tried as an adult. Now they've bumped that up to about 16 to 17.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, okay, so let's break it down when you, everything is just getting younger in terms of activities and violent crime shouldn't be any different. Like let's just picture, go back 50 years and go to the youth, you know, 15 and under basketball, McDonald's all star team.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No one's dunking, right? You look at 13 year old guys play basketball or 14, 15 on the McDonald's all star, whatever thing, they're chunking, they're jamming, they're taller, they're bigger, they're just doing stuff that no one formally did, you know. And like everything fucking fighting, dunking, it's all like younger and younger and younger. You got, and like on the good end too, you know, you got like 3 year olds doing long division and stuff with the Chinese mom or playing Beethoven on the Steinway at age five and stuff.

[Rudy Pavich]

Two and a half year old. It's a Mensa. The youngest Mensa of all time was just announced this week in England.

[Adam Carolla]

I just got the shit kicked out of me by a 3 year old who was a 12th degree black belt in taekwondo. I fucking kid was eyeballing me. I told him to give me some space, I was on my back. He'd tap it out like 10 seconds later like it's happening, like it's going to happen. There's someone's going to, there's going to be a UFC champ who's 17 in five years. Right. Like everything is just skewed down. It took Tony Hawk till his like 36th birthday to do a 690 on a skateboard. The next guy did it was 13 like four months, four weeks later.

[Rudy Pavich]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So it would make sense that violence and murder and rape and all the other stuff that's just gonna skew down. Maybe some of the same people that McDonald's put on the all star team, I don't know. But I'm saying it's all trending down.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, right. There's been a lot of stories in the last couple years about kids that are like 9 stealing their parents cars.

[Adam Carolla]

And driving they can barely see over the steering wheel. But it's a combination of like, look, cops aren't really doing. First off, we all grew up scared shitless of cops. Just scared to death.

[Unknown]

Still am scared.

[Rudy Pavich]

Detective Palacio.

[Adam Carolla]

And people go, you want that? And I go, yes, I do. I want them scared. I want them scared. They go, well, they shouldn't, but, but, but the cop needs to respect them. And they're. And I'm like, no, they don't. They should just be scared. Hope your kids are scared of cops. Hope your skids are kids are. They have the same relationship with alligators. You know what I mean? Like, I'll just go up to the shore edge there and I'll just put some chicken around my neck. It's like. And you go, well, what if the alligator. Oh, that alligator, like, no, no, no, get away. Yeah, get away. Away. Just get the fuck away. And do you see that alligator? Don't get in his face. Walk to the other side of the swamp, whatever. They're not scared. And also when you hear like someone like, well, this kid was arrested 31 times before he was 15. Like, what message does he have? You know, like, he's not going anywhere. You're not doing this. Fucking do whatever you want. Simply safe. Well, it's important to feel safe, especially at home. Home. That's why people have lots of things around the house to make them feel safe. And Simplisafe, well, that makes me feel safe. There's two I's in SimpliSafe, by the way. Traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in. That's too late. Simplisafe is setting the new standard in home security. Simplisafe's active guard outdoor protection can help prevent break ins before they happen with AI powered cameras backed by live professional monitoring agents. Well, they'll monitor your property and detect suspicious activity before that suspicious activity gets in the living room. Monitoring plans start affordably around a buck a day. We've always been fans of these guys. They've always been great sponsors. And everyone here uses them. What else can you say? It's simply safe, right? Dawes, you can get 50% off your.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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[Rudy Pavich]

It's fun to be scared of the cops. Like we grew up. I mean, Detective Palecchio was like a legend.

[Adam Carolla]

You knew his name?

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, he would. Well, he. We got arrested a lot. I used to get arrested a lot and, but not nothing horrible, you know, just vandalism and stealing beans.

[Adam Carolla]

But you knew that. You're on a last name basis.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, I shot out a window with a slingshot one time and ran through the woods and Palecchio was fucking chasing me on foot. It was amazing.

[Unknown]

And you grew up in Boston, right?

[Rudy Pavich]

New York.

[Unknown]

Oh, New York. Yeah. Okay. Cause I was gonna say, like, I grew up in a small town, Hibbing, Minnesota. So I understand how we knew the cops about a first name basis, but in New York, I grew up in.

[Rudy Pavich]

The same town as Bob Dylan.

[Unknown]

Yeah, same town.

[Rudy Pavich]

No fucking way.

[Unknown]

Same place. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Crazy. Yeah, a buddy of mine used to live in his house. So we would be like, outside, like, like dicking around, smoking cigarettes, skateboarding. And then during the summertime, people would come around and like, want to take pictures. And there was a guy came up to my buddy Carrie, who was. It was his parents house. And he walked up and he goes, hey, man, you live here? And he goes, yeah. And he goes, just wondering, like at night, do you hear Bob Dylan's music? And Carrie goes, if I leave the radio on, he's not dead. What the hell are you talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

I liked that movie. That was good.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was good.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't learn anything about music, but I learned a lot about how to treat ladies from watching that movie, which Pop just sat there and did whatever he wanted all the time, every time. And I like that precedent, you know, like just establishing, like, look, we can hang out and fuck, but I don't do anything. Like, I don't cook, I don't clean, I don't help you with your shit. If another hot chick comes around, definitely fucking her. And I'm just gonna sit here immersed in my own.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So those are kind of our rules. You want to hang out? Great.

[Rudy Pavich]

Well, being a musical genius is kind of a pre. Prerequisite for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Rudy Pavich]

Podcasting. They're not going to stick around.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, you have to have a kind of a savant, like genius, you know, you can't be like doofus from North Hollywood because you have to clean the gutters and do stuff like that. Yeah, you're right.

[Unknown]

They. They had sent to my hometown, sent a letter to Mr. Zimmerman, as they would call him. You know, they sent it to him like, hey, we want to have a Bob Dylan days here in Hibbean. So they send him this whole proposal. Would he come to town and do the thing, whatever. He sends a letter back and instead of, you know, the town, somebody from the town reading it and Then you know, relaying to the people they decide on public access. We're gonna open this thing live and see what it says. Obviously he's gonna come back to town. And they open it up in the middle of like a city council meeting or whatever. They open it up and the guy starts reading, reading it. Dear city of Hibbing, to whom this may concern. Mr. Zimmerman does not acknowledge the city of Hibbing. Okay, well, never mind. So I guess that's sad he's not coming to town anyways. We were talking about trash removal over on 6th Street.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you had to know he didn't.

[Rudy Pavich]

Go to get his. Was it a.

[Adam Carolla]

Pull it.

[Unknown]

Nobel Prize.

[Rudy Pavich]

Nobel Prize. He didn't show.

[Adam Carolla]

There are people. I'm very interested in these people. I just call them difficult. You know, they just go, he's not doing this or he's not going along with that. Or it's like every. They say the sentence a lot. They go, I'm not doing that. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't think I've ever said I'm not doing that. I've just said like, well, maybe we can do something else or I'm not in the mood for that food or like, whatever, fuck it, whatever. But there are, there's difficult. And they come in all different sexes and shapes and sizes, and they do not necessarily comport with the person's social ranking. You know what I mean? There are like, Mark Garagos is one of the least difficult people I've ever met. He's always, oh yeah, whatever, let's do it, you know, fine, or who cares, you know what I mean? Which is weird because you think Mark Gargos wouldn't be that. But then there are people who are much lower down the food chain that are super fucking difficult. And it's weird. Rudy's an easy person, which is his greatest. Rudy's asset is easy. And it's always easy. And because if you ever have to travel with difficult people, that is their super bowl of difficult. You know, they're fucking talking to the chick behind the counter when they're checking it's room. Is it by the. Is it the airport side of the building or is it the highway side? Cause the airport side, like it's our already. Oh man, we haven't even started and we're getting in to this. Then there's the restaurant stuff where they got all the difficulty there. Then there's lots of trance, you know, there's a lot of like, well, just let's walk to the Club. Just walk. I'm not walking to the club. You know, it's like a lot. It's like. It is their super bowl of difficult travel is that if you get easy. Rudy's easy, Dr. Drew's easy. Yeah, you, you need a little low self esteem, right? You know what I mean? And Mike August, bizarrely, is easy. Easy person to travel. You know, you can do a lot of. You can. The litmus test with the difficult person versus the easy person is, what time are we leaving for the airport? Because when you do it with Mike August, you just go, what time's the flight? And he goes, 9am what time do we. How long's it going to take to get there? And I go, half hour. And you go, we gotta check the merch bag. Yeah, we gotta check the bag. All right, I'll meet you down at 7:30. And he goes, all right. And he just leaves everyone else. Difficult like, all right, wait a minute. What if there's an act? Okay. What if there's an issue with the Uber? You want to meet here in the lobby? Are we going to meet out front? Like there's a long mix with. I'm not going to Ba Ba Ba. I like to get to the. I want to get something to eat. So I want to get like easy, difficult. I don't know how it works. It's in the genes. It's not. You don't have to be a genius. You don't have to be Bob Dylan. Yeah, there's no reason for it. But there are difficult people. We all know them. And the real moral of the story, kids, is two of you pains in the ass can't hang out together.

[Unknown]

No, no. You need one fucking yin and yang.

[Adam Carolla]

You need one flexible person that goes, I don't know, what time do you want to eat? You know? Or what do you want to. That's what you need. Otherwise the two of you, you get to loggerheads and you always hate the other person because you don't understand you're the difficult person. And they don't understand they're the difficult person.

[Rudy Pavich]

Well, I think the self esteem thing is at the base of it, like, people just go, like, why? I've been married 25 years. So happy.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

So in love still. What's the secret? We both have low self esteem.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's good.

[Rudy Pavich]

Whereas we can't believe this other person will take us, you know, I mean, I'm in awe of her. Like, and then I'm like, why me?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

And she kind of feels the Same way.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Something Fitz dog. Maybe for another show, but I was talking to Rudy about this on the road. I'm really drilling down these days on insecurity. Like a lot of people who act in a certain way, first off, they make these proclamations where they go like, I'm the best and you know it. You know, it's like, stuff like that. And I always say, first off, you haven't cracked my top 50. I don't know it, but I realize that lots of friction that I have with people is based on their insecurity, which sounds convenient for me to say, but I also realize I don't have an ounce of insecurity. I have stuff I know I'm not good at, but whatever that thing is, I don't have insecurities about. I've never had insecurity about anything. So I don't walk around sort of half cocked a lot. Like, why? You think I'm stupid? You think I'm stupid? I don't have that at all. I've never had it. I've always. I think a lot of it is having a trade, like being a carpenter or like being a doctor or something. I noticed that the people that have skill sets and are accomplished and sort of good don't have that chip on their shoulder thing all the time. But I realize a lot of it is insecurity. Like, you're dealing with people, the people. It's sort of like liars accusing you of lying all the time when you don't lie. But it's like, oh, you lie. All that's why you. Oh. And they go, that guy was lying. Did you do that? Kind of. It's like, I don't think he was lying. Oh, oh, you're a liar. So I think what we're talking about, it's sort of the. When you see the big fat welfare mama who's screaming, you respect me, you better respect me. It's like, why you don't have a job, you don't know three of your kids, you're about to be arrested. Like, why you're living on welfare. Like, why do I? Why do I? And she's screaming it and you're like, oh, this is all this weird projection insecurity. And I've realized, like, a lot of beefs and issues I've had with people over the years are sort of steeped in a lack of, I don't know, insecurity. And I'm not saying that in a grandiose way. It's just, I don't know it. I don't have a relationship with it. I don't feel scared of things. I feel like I'm good at things and then the shit I'm not good at and I don't do it, I'll pay somebody to do it or whatever. But I don't have that insecure feeling. So I don't feel it, recognize it, or understand that there's a lot of people that have a lot of it and it's kind of guiding them. It's like it navigates that.

[Rudy Pavich]

Right, right. Well, I also think there's something interesting about how you can admire somebody. Like in the comedy world, obviously there's a lot of people interacting and you have to introduce them, you have to go on the road with them, you have to share a green room with them and there's a lot of sizing up. And I find that if I really respect somebody, I think they're a good comic, they're a good guy, they're married, but whatever. If they don't like me, I'm not the guy that goes, I fucking hate that guy. I can still like somebody if they don't like me, if they reject me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That's an important part of this.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you'll find yourself as a non insecure person saying, well, maybe the guy forgot there, he's late or he has his own. I'm sure there's a reason why the insecure person's like, cause he's an asshole. That's why. Because he thinks I'm stupid. And I go, no, no. He's just probably. Maybe he's got some other issue he's thinking about. You find yourself making excuses for a lot of people. But I don't know. I'm now starting to think that insecurity is at a weird level in our world because people who did stuff like built bridges and turned wrenches and fixed stuff and sort of had a hands on, sort of tactile whatever. Those guys were always super secure. They felt like they could fight, they felt like they could fix things. And now everyone's in some weird, I spent three hours looking at porn on my phone, you know, world, and I took a few edibles and I'm.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah, I don't picture a guy in a tool belt sitting on a Reddit site on the J. Gy.

[Unknown]

Yeah, interesting choice.

[Adam Carolla]

But yeah, centerfold is a monotonous slog.

[Rudy Pavich]

Love stinks.

[Unknown]

The song stinks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although I do hate that song. But. But do you think guys vibing on what I'm Saying, like, I feel like it's around. And also, yeah, you see with other comedians, like, you don't have to think that that guy sucks or he's. There's a lot of people go, that guy doesn't like you because he wishes he was as had what you had. And I'm always like, I don't know. Does he. I don't know. Is that what he thinks?

[Unknown]

Yeah. It's weird when. Because I feel like I'm a guy with a lot of insecurities, but anytime somebody says, like, hey, hey, you know, you're not allowed to be in here, go over there, I'm just like, okay, great. And then I just go and I do it. But you're right, the people that freak out about that stuff, like, as you said, you think I'm stupid. You don't. But why are you. It feels like you should. If you are that insecure, you should be the one who's toeing it down a little bit bit and going, man, I don't know how to do this. Please tell me how to do it, or show me the way. But it's almost like they just go, I know what I'm doing. You get the fuck out of my way.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. Well, it is about being in your lane. If you have a craft, if you have a focus, if you feel good and grateful about what's in your life, you're less apt to feel like somebody judging you is actually a confirmation of things about you that you really, really feel bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the best way to feel secure is a diversity of abilities. Like, I realize if you can. As I think about myself, I go, well, I've written a book and I made a documentary, but I can also drive a race car, and I was a boxing coach, so they're all very far apart. But if you feel like I feel comfortable in all those different environments that are sort of far apart, then you have an overall security, I guess. I mean, I'm approaching it from me thinking about myself, which is. It's not a grandiosity, it's just a not. It almost just makes you laid back. You don't feel like everything's in a front. When somebody cuts you off on the freeway, you don't have to speed up and get in front of them and slam the brakes on and stuff. You can just sort of whatever. Like, I feel like the most secure and the sort of calmest guys at the bar are UFC fighters. You know what I mean? They're just kind of friendly. No, Chip, nobody thinks they're gonna beat em up. And it's a thing. I'm just saying I think it's bigger than it used to be. And I've noticed that a lot of people, like I said, the signs are, you think I'm stupid or you think a lot of you're disrespecting me or whatever. Also, insecure people you can't joke with. Like, I bust people's balls just because it's funny to bust people's balls. That's what I do. Secure people laugh. Insecure people get shitty about it.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. And when you. When you. A lot of the people that are really that shit on other people, a lot of them can't take it back. Like, I find that with comedians.

[Adam Carolla]

Comedians at all, which is weird, right?

[Rudy Pavich]

Yeah. And people. People go on roasts, and they come off like, butt hurt. Like, I can't believe they said that. Like. Like, Tom Brady is very upset. He regrets it. He's bad mouthing Netflix and everybody that did the roast of him. It's like, did you watch the past roasts?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

There are no rules.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavich]

And you just got divided divorced from a supermodel who's fucking her trainer.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's proudly secure. Cause he knows taekwondo. My thing is, if I ever get roasted, fine. But Tom Brady's kids are off limits. I do a little twist. I do a little twist on it. You say whatever the fuck you want about my two shitty kids all fucking day long. But Tom Brady's kids, they're off limits.

[Unknown]

You should make a list of the things you know you're good at. Like, there's two things I know I'm good at. Number one. Number one, Photoshop. I know Photoshop back and forth. I know everything about it. Absolutely. The other thing, skimming off the merch table.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Nobody. Nobody skims on the table.

[Adam Carolla]

A little light. A little light.

[Rudy Pavich]

Why is he flying first class and I'm in coach?

[Adam Carolla]

Little light. All right, Rudy, I'm gonna give you a plug. Gonna be in Milwaukee. Oh, you're seventh through the 18th.

[Unknown]

Well, I think I may have screwed that up. Cause I'm with you in Wisconsin on the 17th. And then I'm doing don't tells in Milwaukee. 18th and 19th. And then you and I are at the Pabst Theater together on the 20th.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus. So maybe the 17th.

[Unknown]

17Th is what it's supposed to be. Yeah, the 17th.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes if you don't put that extra digit in there, changes almost everything. House of Blues coming up in Houston.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And then also, because I got a few dates with you. But my main gig is being out with Michael Yeoh. He just signed on to host a game show in Atlanta, so he's taking three months off, which means I now have to take three months off. So please, if you have a brewery or a winery or even back tool shed or a sauna in Tacoma, I will do it. I just need to get to September because, man, my daughter turned 17 and is going to Coldplay on Friday and I got a lot of crap to pay for. So, yeah, she's gonna buy merch.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, merch.

[Unknown]

Hopefully we can skim off that merch table too.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yes, Fitzstalk's got dates coming up in Tampa, Torrance, Point Pleasant. And all you gotta do is go to gregfitsimmons.com it's very funny. Stand up. I'm gonna be at Salt Lake City at Wiseguys doing two shows Thursday, two shows Friday, coming up on the 13th, 14th and Rudy will be with me there and then Kimmel's place in Vegas on the 19th and just go to AdamKrolo.com for all the info. And until next time, Adam Crolla for Fitzsimmons and Rudy Pavich saying mahalo.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla and Adam Corolla.com.

[Unknown]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Unknown]

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