Orny Adams + Phil Rosenthal (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Carolla Classics: Orny Adams + Phil Rosenthal

Date: January 11, 2026
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Orny Adams, Phil Rosenthal, Joe Koy, Gina Grad, Bryan Bishop, others

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode compiles fan-favorite moments and highlights from past Adam Carolla Show episodes, focusing on standout appearances by comedians Orny Adams and Phil Rosenthal (creator of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and star of Netflix’s "Somebody Feed Phil"), as well as clips featuring Joe Koy and his mother. The show delivers Adam's trademark unfiltered humor, pop-culture riffs, signature rants, and revealing explorations of everyday life and showbiz—with the familiar banter of Gina Grad and Bryan ("Bald Bryan") Bishop.

The episode revolves around the unpredictability of stand-up comedy, L.A. living and pollution, classic stories of growing up poor, food culture, holiday traditions, news analysis on celebrity scandals, and the quirks of human behavior.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Orny Adams in Studio — Comedy, Crowd Dynamics, & Stand-Up Specials

[~00:18:00–00:56:00]

• Adam shares how he randomly caught Orny Adams’ stand-up on Showtime, ending up watching the whole thing—and reflecting on how most comics fall into predictable racial tropes ("white people be like, black people be like…"), but Orny’s comedy kept him watching.
• Discussion on the randomness of crowd composition in L.A. venues. Orny explains why he shot his special at the El Portal Theater in North Hollywood:
  • "There were young people, guys in Hawaiian shirts—every demographic. That’s what I wanted." (Orny Adams, 00:52:00)
• Adam and Orny riff on the "competitive vacuum" in the San Fernando Valley for comedy venues, contrasting it with Boston or NY’s club scenes.
• Insight into the process of filming a special:
  • Orny confirms his special was almost entirely from one show: "Every show is different. It's almost one show—99%." (Orny Adams, 00:56:22)

2. L.A. Rant: The Leaf Blower Pollution Problem

[00:06:34–00:27:00]

• Adam launches into a scathing critique of leaf blowers in L.A.—calling out the noise, the toxic particulates, and city hypocrisy about pollution:
  • "Why— in this world where you can't smoke on the beach— is this still legal?" (Adam Carolla, 00:11:46)
• The group discusses the health impacts on gardeners (many of them low-income minorities), arguing the regulations protect some polluters but not others due to politics and optics.
  • "They’re poor brown people. Anything you do in L.A. that affects poor brown people could possibly not get you elected." (Adam Carolla, 00:19:50)
• Social satire: Proposes a "Million Leaf Blower March" for political pressure.

3. Call-ins and Comic “Courtship”

[00:28:19–00:45:56]

• Caller Ronnie from Corona banters with Gina Grad about her cruise photos, living in Corona, and his wealth derived from structured annuities—offering a comedic "bachelor profile" and sharing stories about gold-digging ex-girlfriends.
  • "She was buying jewelry at the mall, tennis bracelets and watches, and things like that." (Caller Ronnie)

4. Orny Adams on the Business of Comedy & Cultural Trends

[~00:62:00–01:04:00]

• Orny details opener pay at comedy clubs and the realities for young comics ("about $150–$200 for two acts before me").
• Adam and Orny discuss how the current "Me Too" era affects all professions and the unique social license given to stand-ups for eccentricity.
• Humorous self-reflection: Adam notes his “F You Money” but not yet "F Me Money":
  • "F Me money is where you sue me and you say… I’ll give Mark Geragos $250,000 and we’re going to court. I don’t care, I have so much money." (Adam Carolla, 01:65:45)

5. News & Cultural Commentary: Sex Scandals, Holiday Songs, and More

(Scattered—see notable moments & timestamped quotes)

• Gina Grad delivers news on Al Franken’s resignation, Matt Lauer and Billy Bush’s career downfalls, and the larger sexual misconduct reckoning in media. Adam draws distinctions between different levels of “offense” and the shifting political winds.
  • "He tried to kiss somebody, got shut down... Franken never got anything. Did he even get anything?" (Adam Carolla, 01:68:46)
• Lively debate about the most widely-recorded Christmas song ("Silent Night"), the commercialization of Christmas, fake trees vs. real trees, and how rituals trump practicality.
  • "Everything about the fake tree is in the pro category—it’s easier, it’s cleaner, but that’s not the point. The only advantage is ritual." (Bald Bryan, 01:85:42)
• Philosophical ramblings about "driving your own truth," modern conveniences, and how poverty has changed—set against Adam’s stories of growing up in a house without insulation, using a screwdriver as an ignition key, and battling over toll calls.

6. Special Segments: Joe Koy’s Mom on the Line & “Will Brian Eat It?”

[01:105:49–01:172:17]

• Joe Koy’s Filipino mother gives brutally funny advice to callers about kids’ careers, gambling, and stereotypes—"The best part about three daughters? Guaranteed to be nurses… they have to be nurses!"
• “Will Brian Eat It?”: Phil Rosenthal brings in food challenges from his Netflix show "Somebody Feed Phil." The crew bets on if the notoriously finicky Brian from the other shop will eat things like chicken skin and crab omelet.
  • "Jack in the Box is the only good taco in the world." (Brian, 01:165:53)
  • Phil, mock-exasperated: "Maybe he needs some kind of MRI." (Phil Rosenthal, 01:166:15)

7. Food, Underwear, and Childhood Poverty

[01:173:29–01:146:07]

• Phil and the crew discuss L.A.’s best sandwiches (Langer's pastrami), hot dog preferences, and Adam’s history living in “the barn,” an uninsulated, illegally-converted back room as a child—drawing a link from hardship to self-reliance.
• Celebratory remarks on Adam’s “full head of hair,” the ease of being poor in a world of cheap used cars and flat-screens, versus the mechanical headaches of past decades.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Comedy Clichés

• "If I tune into a random black comedian and they’re talking about renting a car, great. But it’s always, ‘White people be like this, black people be like this.’ Even if it’s funny… no surprise."
  – Adam Carolla (00:04:28)

On L.A. Leaf Blower Pollution

• "Walking my dog shouldn’t be the equivalent to smoking 17 cigarettes."
  – Adam Carolla (00:09:06)
• "It’s a plume of rat crap in the air. It’s a smokestack. The thing that’s crazy about the leaf blower— the thing that’s making the pollutants is putting out pollutants itself."
  – Adam Carolla (00:12:10)

On Disparities & Hypocrisy

• "They’re poor brown people… the state has to pretend to care about them to get their votes, but [is] more interested in the short term."
  – Adam Carolla (00:19:50)

On Christmas Tradition

• "Everything about the fake tree is in the pro category—cheaper, easier, less mess. Not the point. The only advantage is ritual."
  – Bald Bryan (01:85:42)

On News, Scandal, and Social Mores

• "It’s just for whatever works for us immediately. We’ll stand up for this, but abandon ship immediately if we think he’s the cause of anything… we loved you, but we’ll get another Democrat in here."
  – Adam Carolla (regarding Al Franken, 01:72:34, 01:75:49)

On Joe Koy’s Mother & Stern Advice

• "Doesn’t matter what your daughters want, they have to be nurses! They are women and have to be nurses. That’s it."
  – Joe Koy’s Mom (01:112:37)

On Childhood Poverty and Adulthood

• "My room was a goddamn service porch… ceiling was just two-by-fours… sleeping on a cot, no air, no heat. The water heater, the meter, the washing machine were all in there—prison movies don’t scoop that low."
  – Adam Carolla (01:140:11)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

| Time | Segment/Topic | |--------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 00:18:00 | Orny Adams: Stand-up Specials & Comedy Clubs | | 00:06:34 | Leaf Blower Rant: Pollution & Politics | | 00:28:19 | Caller Ronnie: Gold Diggers, Jeep Mods | | 01:68:01 | News: Al Franken, Matt Lauer, Billy Bush | | 01:85:29 | Christmas Song Power Rankings/Trees | | 01:105:49 | Joe Koy's Mom: Nursing, Stereotypes, Romance | | 01:160:32 | "Will Brian Eat It?" feat. Phil Rosenthal | | 01:140:11 | Adam’s “Barn” Childhood Stories |

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Flow, Language, and Tone

The episode flows as a classic Adam Carolla Show—irreverent, whip-smart, digressive, and filled with inside jokes, social satire, and sincere personal disclosure. The tone is candid and informal, with Adam’s acerbic wit and the guests’ sharp comic timing driving each segment. Gina Grad and Bryan Bishop both complement Adam’s rants with smart, wry commentary.

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For Those Who Haven’t Listened

This episode provides some great “Carolla 101” for fans and newcomers—juxtaposing funny, real-world rants (from leaf blowers to fake Christmas trees) with superb guest chemistry, behind-the-scenes showbiz insights, and shameless cultural analysis. The mix of deep dives, casual banter, and showcase segments (like Joe Koy’s mom and "Will Brian Eat It?") typifies the breadth and energy that has kept the show a daily favorite for years.

Memorable Takeaway:
Adam Carolla’s world is one where minor annoyances (like leaf blowers or stoplights) reveal deeper truths about culture, inequality, and the funny, absurd ways people try to get by. Whether it’s talking tacos with Phil Rosenthal or bemoaning L.A. politics, the laughs and insights land with a punch—and plenty of charm.

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Recommended For:
Listeners seeking sharp social observation, honest comedy, and the comfort of hearing very funny people tackle both the big and small stuff with zero filter.

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Compiled & summarized by Podcast Summarizer (2026).

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show, we have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics. You can find the ad free archives exclusively available through Podcast one. If you'd like to access the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show and wish to get access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla [e-mail] and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com We've been getting a lot of requests for clips from Loveline and the Adam Carolla show that aired on kayla sex from 2006 to 2009 that immediately preceded the podcast. While we can't play any of that content here in Cruella Classics unless it was actually played on the Adam Crolla show podcast and the commentary was done over it. So there are some select clips from time to time you will hear. Other than that we can't like play some of those infamous moments, infamous quote unquote Holocaust call where they talk to the phone sex operator with Tom Arnold. That comes up a lot. The Ann Coulter stuff from the morning show in 2006 comes up a lot. Overall, the whole entire 2006 cast of the morning show comes up for people who do want to hear that stuff and want updates on it. I do remaster both of those shows completely separately from as a labor of love. If you want to check out and get updates on how to get access to all this stuff for free, go to patreon.com Giovanni you don't need to sign up. It's just a blog I use to update whenever I'm remastering these shows from the best quality files I can find. So if you want that stuff, it's out there, but can't play it in Cruel Classics. Alright, let's get to the clips coming. First up we have Adam Corolla show 2219 featuring Ornie Adams, Gina Gratt, Brian Bishop from 2017.

[B]

Good day Gina Grad. Good day to you and Baldbrine.

[C]

We were here on time.

[B]

We were here. That's right. I was running a little tardy. I was here this morning but I had to run over to the other shop and crack some skulls, man. Now I had to do what I always do, which is eat this dessert. Now it's been in my fridge for five days. It's expensive. Lynette doesn't want to eat it, although she'll never get fat, but she just won't eat it. I don't want to eat it because I will get fat, which adds a weird extra element of pain to it. And then I have to bring it into the shop and command that somebody eat it because I can't throw it away.

[C]

No one assigns dessert like you, man.

[D]

Well, that.

[E]

I don't know why you're working so much harder and not smarter. If you just brought it to this shop, there would be no problem.

[C]

Yeah, that is odd.

[E]

You bring it over there and you demand it.

[B]

There's a. There's a few folks here. Well, those are. I go to the blue collar side.

[E]

Oh, we're the. We're the hoity toity side, right?

[C]

We're the chardonnay set.

[B]

Yes, yes. You're the lady lunch. And I go the blue collar side. And over here, it's always a little in dispute is who's with the no sugar, no grain and who's. And when. And by the way, it's not what person, it's what day is it with what person. So for all over the road, the other shop guys on their feet, wrenching on cars, always perpetually skinny because they're constantly on their feet wrenching on cars. So I throw. I throw it their way.

[E]

That makes sense.

[B]

All right, couple things. So first off, Ornie Adams coming in, which I'm excited about, because a night or two ago, I was simply skimming through my cable stations and I ran into Ornie's special on Showtime, and I went, oh. And I do what I think we all do with stand up comedians, which is you watch for about three minutes and go, what's here? I have two things I do when I run into standup specials. One is, let's watch and see how it is. The other, like I did last night with, I think, Lavelle Crawford, large man of color. Whenever there's a black comedian, I just pop in to see how long before they go white guy. Like this black guy. He was in the middle of doing the white guy voice when I got it and then did the. I think he did a thing where it was like, they said, you can check in at dusk. Dusk? Only white people know what dusk is. I was like, all right, so just at any random point, at any point in your act, that's it. You're just talking about white versus black.

[C]

I've learned anything. White people be like this, but black people be like this.

[B]

That's what I've learned. And I don't know why. It's like kind of my. We used to do it. We should bring it back. My ranchero music accordion Countdown. When we just see how long before a super grading accordion would kick into any ranchero song, almost immediately is the answer. But I would love to just tune into a random black comedian and hear them talk randomly about renting a car or their family or whatever. It was just not a black and then white thing. It just feels. Even if it's funny, contrived, it just feels so warm. Why? Here's the point. I know you're gonna do this. I tune in randomly, and you're doing it as I tune in. So maybe this is just one minute of your act, and your act's 90 minutes. But why is it that I knew I don't want to tune in and know what you're gonna be talking about?

[E]

No element of surprise.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. And then I watched Ornie, and there's Ornie Adams, and he's like, white people be. And I was watching Orny, and then I did the best thing you could say about tuning into somebody's act in the middle of it was I just stuck with it.

[E]

Oh, that's good. Now, Orny has great fortitude because he always had a great relationship with the radio station that he worked for. And he actually came in, he was hired to do our initial welcoming, the morning show party, the mark in the morning. And he had to start his act, which was great. While they were passing dessert.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

And he just soldiered right ahead.

[C]

It's hard to compete with that.

[B]

He's a pro anyway. Very funny. And so I was watching, and I remember thinking, like I do on occasion, I'll make a note to pass along to Mike August to get Ornie on the show like I do with comedians. I watched the many comedians I will see, and I won't necessarily know who they are, but I'll go, oh, this guy's funny. Or I'm not familiar with them, but I'll go, I'll write this guy's name down. He's a funny guy. And I'll pass on to Mike, and Mike will book him. Well, I was doing that with Ornie, but found out he was here.

[C]

Perfect timing.

[B]

So here we go. All right, so that's win win with Ornie Adams. We got our blah, blah, blah to play leaf blowers in the middle of wildfire season. Yeah. Now, I just want to give you guys So I live in a neighborhood that has certain streets on it that are basically three quarters of a mile long. And if you're in the middle of it, you cannot turn left or right unless you want to climb through somebody's, go over somebody's lawn. Unless you want to go full Ferris Bueller's day off. You can either go forward or you can turn around and go back. And it's a couple things. I had a conference call this morning at 10:00am and I thought, you know what? Okay, fine. I'll take Philly Cheesesteak for a nice long lap around the neighborhood. And as I'm going, I'll call into this number and put in my access code and everything, and I'll do that at 10am and I was doing that. And then in the distance, about 100ft down the road, started the leaf blowers. And not only was it a leaf blower, it was like dueling leaf blowers. The guy was on the right side of the street. Then he shifted over to the left side of the street and the way the sun was. And it's been so blisteringly hot and dry, and there's a bunch of soot in the air, and it's just miserable outside and all the wildfires and everything like that. And I was staring down the end of the street at just a plume of dust, and it's always a plume of dust. But if it rained the night before, it's not as big a plume of dust. This is a major plume of dust.

[E]

Like a small cyclone.

[B]

I'll just sort of show you, and maybe Gary can punch in a little. I don't know what you can do or show the next picture. I was trying to get the picture of this sort of cloud. Now, the cloud is not paper thin. You don't dive through and enter a new universe. It's probably, you know, it's probably 50ft deep as well as 50ft high. You can take a look.

[C]

Oh, rich man, poor man. You work at the cloud.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

You're the Apple programmer or you're the guy with the partner.

[B]

I'll put the picture [e-mail] there's not much to see. It's just a very long street. And now there's a big brown cloud in the middle of it. And I have my dog and I'm on a conference call, so I have this weird choice. I'd like to continue on and go around the block and do my walk. I don't want to head back, but if I go forward I'm definitely going through the cloud.

[C]

You gotta signal those guys. I cut it off for a second while I walk by, and I'm sure.

[E]

They'Ll be happy to oblige.

[C]

It's hard to communicate.

[B]

Well, also, you don't really cut off a cloud. It's airborne. It's particulates. I'm not a weirdo with health. I think you guys probably aware this, and I'm not ultra sensitive, but they do say the particulates in the air pretty much get in your lungs and they get trapped in there. And that's about it. That you don't pass them. You don't pass through. The worst thing you can do is breathe this stuff in. And I get it for me, like when I used to do construction and you'd be on a job site, and it's like, it came with the territory, but I'm walking my dog. This shouldn't come with the territory. It shouldn't be to your lungs, literally. And I'm gonna guess, but I'm a genius, it shouldn't be in terms of lung health, Walking the dog shouldn't be the equivalent to smoking 17 cigarettes because I'm trying to get some exercise and I'm walking through a cloud. And the cloud looks like dirt, but it's rat feces. It has been sort of weaponized. And cockroach legs that have been ground up and round up bug spray and, you know, weed spray and whatever. Fertilizers. Well, the vulcanized rubber from the car tires that have passed by it a million times. It's all the stuff you really don't. It's a soup that you don't want in your goddamn lungs. And it's airborne and it's there, and it's gonna be there for a while. Unless it rains immediately. It's just hovers. It's just kind of there. Yeah. When the guy's done blowing, the small stuff is still up there. So now you have a choice. You can walk through the cloud. But because I'm walking with the dog, and the dog likes to stop every six feet and sniff something. And you gotta tug on the. You're not gonna. You're not gonna just blow through it. Like, hey, if you're on a motorcycle, put your head down. And even then, like, I would see cars passing through it. And I'm like, all right, they're in the car, their windows are rolled up, but it's getting sucked up into the ventilation system, and it's gross. And it's on the car. And why in this world where you can't smoke on the beach when there's an offshore wind blowing at 15 miles an hour, why is this still legal? This stuff is loud as hell. It's putting out pollutants. I think one is equivalent to like 35 Ford F150 trucks. I cannot believe that in 2000 and going into 18, we're still dealing with this. It's loud in a world where we've figured out that noise pollution is pollution. Like when you're sitting and we got an article that, you know, why don't you read. Why don't you read that? Leaf blowers and lawnmowers, soon to be California's top pollutants. But here's the thing about California. You can't barbecue in your backyard in certain seasons. Or like, spare the air damage. Spare the.

[F]

You can't.

[B]

You can't start a fire. Well, then what is this? And I know what it is. I know exactly what it is. But you can go ahead and tell us. Why is it, Gina grad. Why is it we're in California? We've invented third. Maybe we're working on fourth hand smoke. That's when you die. And the smoke that comes from the smoker's body to the people released from the castle. Yeah, the pallbearers have to deal with that. Then I have to watch these goddamn commercial where the guy, well, he's smoking on the patio, but that smoke is traveling in. It's going through the conduit and it's going up the wall and it's coming out of the baby's unit into the baby's crib. Like we invented this in California. It doesn't even exist. And we invented this. This is an easy one. This is a plume of rat crap in the air. It's a smokestack. The thing that's crazy about the leaf blower is the thing that's making the pollutants, is putting out pollutants itself. It's not just what's being sprayed into the air. It's a two stroke motor strapped to the back of a guy. And that thing has no catalytic converter on it. That thing's got black smoke pouring out of it. That thing puts out more than a fleet of vans does. So the thing itself should be outlawed according. Now, here's the deal. If I'm just driving down the street and I'm smoking a big fat cigar and I come pulling into the Whole Foods and I'm puffing away on my stogie, and then a guy Asked me for a light, and I light up his Tiparillo and he's walking away. And then I head down to the beach, and I'm gonna light a couple of bottle rockets from my Winston that's hanging out of my mouth. And we're in California and you have nothing to say about it, then fine. Then we're consistent then. I get it. The leaf blowers can stay. I can smoke on the beach. It's all consistent. It's all very consistent. But we're not that way. We have zero tolerance for anything to do with cigarettes or smoke or any. Any pollutants of any kind, whether it be your vehicle or cigarette smoke or. We don't. We don't allow vaping. But this the greatest pollutant, neither here nor there. Not interested.

[C]

It should be super, super easy to regulate this because it's not like you can use one secretly, quietly, like, out of the way of people. It has to, by nature of what it is, has to be in the middle of the street.

[B]

I sneak into Sonny's room every night about 2am Light up a cigarette and blow smoke into his face quietly. And there's nothing the man can do about that. But this, this is a big kasha. This is the 4th of July. It also, speaking of more pollutants, the sound part. How many people have been woken up, taking a nap or whatever by this thing? You can hear him coming down the street. It'd be very hard for you to kind of bootleg this one, because here are the rules. You're loud as hell and you're standing in the middle of the street. If you're really hard for 10, 15 for long periods of time, be very difficult for you to slide this one under the man's radar. But go ahead and read some of that.

[E]

It says, did you know that the level of particulate matter can be 50 times higher near a landscape worker who is using a leaf blower than it's standing by a busy intersection? This can cause many health problems in the community. We'll tell you what's being done to curb so 50 times higher than just.

[B]

Standing there in a community that we're drowning in douche. Our mayor is in yoga pants, and he's attempting to blow himself as we speak in the downward puss position. And yet no discussion of this. Hmm. Why is that? Why would you be so wildly, wildly inconsistent?

[C]

Easy thing to knock off your list if you really wanted to.

[E]

Maybe he's thinking that the leaf blowers will take care of the tent cities quietly.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. You guys set sail. You know that movie master and commander? You don't. All right.

[C]

It's an excellent seafaring film.

[B]

All right, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what's behind it. So what did I do? I just did the move where I turned around and started walking back. I don't know anything less satisfying than. You're on your loop. You're doing your big loop around your neighborhood, and you're not gonna finish your loop. You're gonna turn around and go back, and Philly cheesesteaks. Like, we're finishing the loop and I'm doing the tug, but I'm on the phone with the goddamn company doing the conference call the whole time. And I'm trying to get Phil to go the other way.

[C]

And I'm also just there, man.

[B]

I'm also pissed because this is something that we should have done away with many, many years ago. And look, it's a simple equation. You can say it's going to take these guys another 20 minutes or 15 minutes or half an hour or depending on the size of the property or depending on whatever. It's going to cost extra. Yes, it will cost extra for them to rake and sweep and get a dustpan out and do it the old fashioned way. Absolutely. It will cost extra. They will pass that along to the homeowner, to the consumer. The same way when every car has an airbag, it will cost extra. It gets passed on to the consumer.

[E]

Universally, though, and you couldn't imagine a life without it.

[B]

Oh, it just is what it is. We've decided it's a safer. The government decided it's a safety thing. We require all cars to have this in a crumpled zone and a certain kind of restraint with the airbags and the seatbelts, everything, and then everyone complies, and then it gets passed on equally. If you said, well, only every odd number address house needs to do this, then there'd be a situation. But as long as you just make the rule, it's the same rules we have with everything else. It just gets passed on. Then the consumer can go, would I like to pay these guys an extra 30 bucks a month, or shall I go rake it myself? They may make that decision. Simple plan first. And I'll tell you why it's not being implemented. Simply safe, man. Getting a good night's sleep. Easier said than done. Hear that? Leaf blower in the middle of the night, whooping up a storm. Send Lynette out with the fungo bat. Go find out what's Going on out there? I locked the door behind me.

[C]

Rare late night leaf blower.

[B]

Me and Phil in the fetal position. Fiddle position. Turn the lights on. What's going on? Sleep with one eye open. No. How about we get Simplisafe? Man, these guys, they know. Home security, simply safe, complete security arsenal. Motion sensors, glass break sensors, high definition security camera. Everything you need to keep your family safe. You order it online, you do it in minutes. It's easy to order online a couple days, shows up at your doorstep, box with everything in it, get it up and running in under an hour. Peel and stick, put everything in place, plug in the master unit, you'll have 24. 7 protection. No hard wiring, no contracts, and no hidden fees. Go to simplisafe.com am get you 10% off. Come on. Coming up to 2018, how about all those valuable Christmas gifts you're going to get? You want to protect that? Simplisafe.com Adam, you get the 10% discount. Also, anyone who's owned a home knows that quite often you got to go outside and like hose down all the sills and everything because everything gets sooty. Everything gets insanely sooty.

[C]

I'm just about to do that. Yes, it's all black and grimy.

[B]

Well, I don't know that it's all leaf blowers, but certainly the guy with the plume of leaf blower smoke. Yes. Is definitely adding to this now. So our mayor's a full blown puss and he cares about nothing but the lungs of the children. The lungs of the people. Fine. Why? Why Nothing. Why? Why nothing here? Why? Because if those goddamn guys had the leaf blower looked like Dolph Lundgren, he would have shut this stuff down years ago. They're poor brown people. And anything you do in LA that affects poor brown people could possibly not get you elected. That is his constituency. That's who he has to pretend to like. Now he doesn't like poor brown people. If he did, he would stop them from getting black lung because they're the ones who are getting nailed the most. I mean, you want to talk about a safety issue? We have nothing but regulations when it comes to OSHA and building and safety and everything. Everything. I mean, if you're working on a city job and you want to just walk through you goggles on, hard hat mask everything else. These guys are sitting in a plume. This toxic plume, they're living in it. And by the way, when they're done here, they're going to the next house and they're going to relive this nightmare. I couldn't imagine anything worse. If you said to me, which would you rather hope for for your son and daughter, that they're two pack a day smokers or that they're gardeners who are deploying the leaf blower three or four times a day? Times, you know, six days a week? I'd say, I don't know, I'll talk to Dr. Drew. But I'll bet you he'll tell you. Any pulmonary specialist would tell you, definitely smoke the two packs a day. Oh, actually, if you talk to any pulmonary specialist, they say, don't smoke the two packs a day and get a job in accounting. And then I'd say, no, no, it's a hypothetical. It's one or the other. And they'd go, don't smoke or do the thing. And I'd go, it's a hypothetical.

[E]

Take up yoga.

[B]

And then they'd go, well, smoking's not good for your. Understood. Understood. This is why they do hypotheticals. It's not like, oh, lose your left thumb with a machete or get a blow job from Susan Anton. Like, that's why they don't do those kind of hypotheticals, because they have to be sort of, oh, boy, they both sound bad or they both sound good. They can't just be super good. And then. You see what I'm saying? Oh, be destitute and have to panhandle your whole life or live on David Geffen's yacht.

[C]

Okay, think about it.

[B]

Then I got this Susan Anton one.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You guys gotta Google Susan Anton.

[C]

Do it.

[E]

Cute.

[B]

The point is, they would probably tell you, I'd rather your son or daughter be an accountant and smoke two packs a day than live in this plume. So doesn't Garcetti care about the poor brown people in their lungs? No, he doesn't care about them. Obviously he doesn't care about them. He has to pretend to care about them. The city has to pretend to care about them. The state has to pretend to care about them to get their votes. And they're more interested in working now and doing a quick job than they are in the long term health effects of this. But much like. Woo, look at Susan Ashley.

[E]

Stunning.

[B]

She's hot and she's a summer too.

[C]

And how.

[B]

And how. All right, so now where are they now? Now there's also gonna be long term health effects to this. There has to be. It's gonna start coming up. So there's my predictions. She'll show up just like my white lung you get from spraying sunscreen all over your white kid's face. There will be a black lung that the brown man has.

[C]

Brown lung.

[B]

Brown lung. And there's a floating kidney disorder from me chugging too much bottled water that I paid five bucks for at the hotel. Forgot was in my backpack. When we' I'm chugging every drop of that, my kidneys floating. Yes.

[E]

Just as a quick semi palate cleanser. I saw something on the street yesterday driving home from here that I've never seen in LA in my life. Hold on, hold on.

[B]

All right, Gary, little side work for you. I believe Susan Anton was dated Arthur. Who's Moore? Dudley Moore. I believe they were a couple. They were either married or a couple. She's the tallest blonde ever and he's the shortest non blonde ever. That is a couple. And that is the power of five' two and a half versus five' 11. Wow. That's the power of comedy meets. I know how to play the piano. Yeah, that's what you get.

[E]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yes. Sorry, go ahead.

[E]

So this is something in Los Angeles and even in Kansas I have never seen because it would be too cliche. I saw this going. I think it was on the exit ramp in Los Angeles yesterday. Gary has the picture.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[E]

Tumbleweed.

[B]

Tumbleweed.

[E]

Tumbleweed. That people had to go around that basically stopped traffic on the freeway.

[B]

Yeah. LA is just completely out of control now. The winds, the winds are blowing.

[C]

Could you not just demolish that thing with your car?

[E]

I was afraid. I didn't know if it would scratch up. It was giant. It has, like, a brain.

[B]

Yeah. We're all fearful of tumbleweeds.

[E]

Oh, my. Is that our kid?

[B]

We're looking at a picture of Dudley Moore and Susan Anton.

[E]

It looks Photoshopped.

[B]

He's very short and she's very tall and he's very dead and he'll be missed. Check out 10, though. Kind of a funny movie from the very latest 70s, early 80s. Like 80, 79, 80 or whatever. All right. Yeah. Pretty soon there's gonna be homeless people just blowing, blowing, riding tumbleweeds.

[F]

Right.

[B]

All right, so we'll keep you posted. They've done enough studies on these leaf blowers now to know they're major league polluters. And since all we care about is major league polluters in this state, why no action?

[C]

Of course, something could be done if they wanted to. Like remember, Remember the scourge a few years ago? That was electronic billboards. They were everywhere. They were bright and they were awful. They were everywhere. You know how many have you seen recently?

[B]

Zero.

[C]

Because they made a law quickly like, hey, no more, enough. Did you spring up everywhere? I didn't know that. Yeah, it's probably three.

[B]

Oh, let me tell you something. If leaf blowers, four years ago they.

[C]

Outlawed it and like literally within a few days they were all shut down.

[B]

If the leaf blowers were done, if the leaf blowers had the backing of Nabisco or they were subsidiary of Chevron or ARCO or some petroleum company. If there were some petroleum, they'd be shut down. They would have been shut down and stomped in the ground years ago. Because that's what California does. We don't like business. But because they're individual poor brown people, we shall do nothing. We will slowly watch them and whatever neighborhood they're working on being poisoned. Yes, Paul Bryant. I mean, yes, Tom should get into.

[C]

The blower business because that's a feel good company.

[B]

Tom's a man.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The city of Santa Barbara was somehow able to successfully ban leaf blowers in a, I think about the year 2000. It caused an uproar for a while, but then it just, the community got. It's the same as everything. It's like these guys are gonna be out of jobs, they're not gonna be able to feed their family. And then it's like a few months later, it's like, whatever happened to them being out of a job, not feeding? Everyone's just back to work. Turn the page. Moving on. That's what we love to do. Yes. I think LA had like a thousand leaf blower march or something like that when somebody tried to do it in.

[E]

Valley Village in Studio City.

[B]

And it became, it became unpopular politically because LA is half Hispanic. And this became into this sort of became a race thing. Like hey, you're shutting down. But I mean if like if black people were putting out cigarettes on their kids foreheads routinely, we'd probably put an end to that. But it wouldn't be a race thing, it'd be a health thing.

[C]

It was discovered that sushi was somehow poisonous us, it was not like we're targeting the Japanese population.

[B]

Right. Yeah. Menthol cigarettes. Sorry. Let's be clear. Million leaf blower march kind of made me think, what if we all got gas powered leaf blowers and just walked up to city hall and just cranked it everything. We had our own bag of leads.

[C]

Like where your head's at and then.

[B]

Have them have, have downtown LA figure it out. I like where your head's at. All right, let's see, we got the blah Blah, blah. We got this first. Ronnie. 42, Corona.

[D]

Hey, what's up, dude?

[B]

Hey.

[D]

Oh, you from Corona. Remember? It's been a long time.

[B]

I thought you were back east now.

[D]

Dude, I'm from Corona. Remember you said that you don't like Corona because you have to work out there and it's sad.

[B]

There should be a class action lawsuit from Corona, the beer manufacturer, to Corona, the city, going, you're really. A reputation. Like, this is the. It's Bummersville USA over there. It's hotter than shit and it's ugly and it sucks.

[C]

Where's the palm trees and the lime?

[B]

Other than that, it's awesome.

[D]

Yeah, it's getting pretty bad. I know there's a lot of illegals out here, but, you know, you're talking about leaf blowers. You know what we used to do with those things, dude, we would get on our skateboards and you could tune them up real good and you put. You hold them wound up and. Dude. And it'll push you down the street on your skateboard.

[B]

Even if this big, burly, strapping lumberjack like yourself, you could still propel that 240 pound mass of muscle.

[D]

Who said I was 240, dude?

[B]

I'm just picturing. I'm just. I'm just kind of Close my eyes. I got a good way of. I just. I did love lying a lot. Yeah, I could just kind of guesstimating like a kind of ball, like Paul Bunyan, kind of brawny guy.

[D]

No, no, I don't look like that. I actually look a lot like I'm.

[B]

Picturing like James Brolin in his prime. Yeah, sure, but with a big sort of Gronk type, you know, more of a man.

[E]

A touch of Ivan Drago.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tight end, right? Yeah. Possession, but breakaway speed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oops. Wait a minute. Yeah, Ronnie, I'm here. We're all wrong about your stature.

[D]

I think you are, dude. I sort of look like if you go back and think about the original Dukes of Hazzard, huh? And I look like that did when he looked, you know, pretty good. Tom Wolfat.

[B]

Oh, I wasn't picturing that either.

[C]

Now we're talking.

[D]

And now what I'm calling about, dude, is Hygiena, baby doll.

[E]

Hi.

[D]

I saw a lot of your Twitter pictures when you're on the cruise, and I have to say I'm singing that and your message is loud and clear.

[B]

What message you picking up?

[E]

What I'm putting down, Ronnie.

[D]

I was. I picked it up all the way, especially the one when you're on the bed and you're looking back at the camera.

[E]

I was a little drunk. Yeah. Yep.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Ronnie.

[B]

Gina, I'd like a picture of your boss hog.

[D]

Good one, dude.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Gina, I think there's so many things that get us put together that I listen to you and you're sweet and you're kind and you're very, very pretty and witty.

[E]

Thank you.

[D]

I know. And I know you lost your job at the other radio place and I've been left with lots of money. I don't have to worry. Yes, I have. Lots.

[B]

So much. So much. He's chosen to live in Corona palatially.

[D]

Dude, I believe.

[B]

I believe you just said I have credit cards. Oh, well, I thought he said race cars. You said credit cards.

[D]

No, race cars, dude. Remember, I was on your car cash show. Dude, I told you how to do it.

[B]

Yeah. So what kind of race cars do you have? Because I may be newly single as well.

[D]

Well, right now I'm really into the legends cars.

[B]

Yeah, he's talking about like a stock car.

[E]

Oh, fun.

[D]

I've got that and I've got a jeep. I've got a four door jeep with. It's set up to crawl. I can go anywhere.

[B]

She doesn't know what set up to crawl means.

[D]

I've got all the things that Adam hates. I got the big racks, I got the 37 inch bumpers on it. I can. I mean, here's the thing.

[B]

There's a whole sport, the whole rock crawling sport.

[E]

Oh, like the, like bouldering on your car.

[B]

Whatever. Super unjewy. Yeah, like going up and climbing rocks and seeing just. It's basically, how much money can I pour into a $13,000 Jeep before I flip over?

[E]

That's terrifying.

[B]

That's basically what it is. I don't like it, but I do like it when the guy's got his old lady riding a shotgun. I'm like, boy, did she have a commitment. This.

[C]

That could be you.

[E]

Yeah, I've never been a gold digger, but now might be the time to start.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. On. We've seen pictures. All right, so, Ronnie, how much money. How much money were you left?

[D]

Well, I get it in increments. I get. I get certain amounts allowance and then. But it's in the millions.

[B]

Okay, let me ask you about these structured annuities because I've seen the guys.

[D]

And it makes interesting.

[B]

No, look, I've seen the commercials for the law office. That will make you the offer.

[E]

Oh, the bulk offer.

[B]

I don't wanna Change it. But my dad's not a young man anymore and he has a Honda CRV with about 172,000 miles on it. But he's got a flugelhorn with two mouthpieces. So there's gonna be a chunk coming my way. You know what I mean? That owns a big chunk. Well, he's got books. Hold on, hold on.

[E]

How dare you?

[B]

You're not factoring in the whole. We got books on cassette.

[C]

So it's yogurt spoon.

[B]

Oh, he has two yogurt spoons. Well, one he eats cereal with, but you could do a yogurt, yogurt spoon.

[E]

Did he end up with a shrimp deveiner?

[B]

I'm gonna have to look into that. I'm gonna look at that possible shrimp deveiner. They got the CRV, it's over 172,000 miles on it. It's cloth interior, but it's still a pretty slick ride. So the Honda crv, that's a four banger, a front wheel drive Honda crv. We got the possibly one flugelhorn, but multiple mouthpieces. Did I mention the book on cassette?

[C]

Yeah, I did.

[E]

Yeah, first thing you mentioned.

[B]

It's factored in he's got a cat. I'll probably just save the stepmom. But hey, look, there'll be a chunk of cash coming my way. And I want to know if I should do like the annuity like you're doing. Like I'd get like $17 a year for the next four years or do I cash it all in for like $25, you know what I mean? Get the big payday.

[D]

What I'd go for the one time, I'd go for the lump sum on that because sounds like your dad doesn't have anything.

[B]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Right now.

[F]

Watch it.

[B]

You watch it.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm your gateway to get to Gina. Snatch. You understand?

[D]

I like that.

[B]

I'm the snatch keeper. That's right. Keeper the snatch.

[D]

I want to take you to Malibu.

[B]

You like take me to Malibu?

[D]

I want to take her to the beach.

[B]

I want to take her to the beach.

[D]

Take her out. Have you. You know what we could do the first date? I could take you to Pismo.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And we can take the Jeep right.

[E]

On the sand, baby. I've done that. I'll do that again.

[D]

Hey, let's do it.

[B]

Ronnie, I'd like to see some. Can we see pictures of you?

[D]

I mean. Yeah, like normal ones. I'm not going to send you anything weird.

[E]

No boudoir Photos, all right?

[D]

I don't do, like, the gay conceal over my jungle at that corner.

[E]

Some nutritionist we have on.

[B]

All right, Ronnie, wait a second. What if you cashed out your annuity? What could we get in a lump, money wise?

[D]

I think if I've asked that question before and I have to share it with my brother. I think if we just said, let's cash out, I think we each get, like 9.5.

[B]

Hold on. Let me put a drip tray under Gina. She's messing up the carpet. Gary, throw some kitty litter down under Gina's stool. The carpet's starting to come up. This is why I did the carpet squares. We don't have to replace the whole room. We just pull the one square out. That's thinking ahead. That's the one. I knew this day would come. So you have to whack that in half. So you got about 4.6 for yourself and 4.6 for your brother.

[D]

No, no, dude, you're getting.

[B]

Oh, not. You're each getting not some sawdust mixed in with that kitty lip and a sea sponge.

[D]

You're so funny, dude.

[B]

Yeah. All right, so can we see a picture? Can we see a picture of you?

[D]

I'm sure I can. I mean, I don't know where to send it, but I could do something.

[B]

Yeah, because that's a. Gary, Gina's currently in a relationship. The residuals from sound like a good one, though. No, probably not. How long? The residuals from first kid can only go on forever in perpetuity.

[E]

It was just on Disney Channel last night.

[B]

But that's no 9.2 million and a rock crawling cheat.

[E]

No, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.

[B]

All right, Ronnie, I've got a poll, too. Can we give. Can we give. It's Corona. Is it above ground?

[D]

I beg your pardon, dude, of course it's a good one. It's in ground, dude.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

How dare you?

[B]

So, Ronnie, can we go to your Facebook page?

[D]

I don't do social media.

[B]

I don't know. I'm looking because. Gary, Gary, get rid of the thing. Because Gary had a reminder, like, go to the Facebook page. So I just look down again and.

[D]

Figure, yeah, and I. I don't do it, you know?

[B]

Well, where can we find a picture? Send us a picture.

[E]

Yeah, don't we have, like, can we do that?

[D]

Where do I send.

[E]

Contact us.

[B]

I'm gonna put you on hold, and Gary's gonna work with you, okay? Or, hey, Gina, why don't you just.

[D]

Give Me your phone number.

[E]

Very forward, very fresh. Ronnie, is there a Megan's house? I love Buca di Beppo.

[D]

Yeah, you're Italian like me.

[E]

I'm not, but I still love it.

[D]

Ronnie, you'd be Italian?

[E]

Yeah, man.

[B]

Can you do a little Italian. Little Italian accent for us?

[D]

I can. What do you want me to do?

[B]

Well, why don't you sweep Gina off her feet with your international Italian accent?

[E]

The moonlight bouncing off.

[B]

Get a little music, Brian, come on, now.

[E]

Hold on, hold on.

[D]

Okay. Yeah, give me the Godfather soundtrack.

[C]

That's all I got.

[D]

Hello, Gina. It's so nice to see you tonight. I love the skirt you're wearing.

[B]

Hold on. We can't understand you with the thick accent. Could you reel it in just a little bit?

[D]

Your heels are really pretty. And I love your eyes because you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Would you like to get the raviolis or the couple Eddies?

[B]

Oh.

[E]

I mean, you have nine and a half million dollars. Can I have both?

[D]

We're at the restaurant, though, aren't we? That's what we're doing. We're role playing. Restaurant.

[E]

What's happening?

[B]

I don't. Hold on, Ronnie. Look, I want to. All right, that may not go in perfectly, but let's give the devil his due. First guy in history to go from your heels to your eyes without taking a little stop at Tiddy Station. Like, I'm gonna bivouac here for a while, and then we'll get up to the eyes tomorrow.

[E]

Yeah, he's right.

[B]

From the heels, boom. Right to the eyes. You normally don't see that. You get the bends. You do that on Gina. Ronnie.

[D]

Yeah, I'm back.

[B]

Yeah, you're back. Remember, you're gonna do a little Italian accent.

[D]

I'm sorry, dude, I thought you meant, like, if I was on the date in the restaurant, I was picturing me.

[B]

All right, hold on. Hold on a second. There we go.

[E]

There it is. My favorite movie.

[B]

Now, Gary, how do we. I don't know what you kids use these days, but it seems like he could easily get us a picture of himself pretty damn quickly, right? Yeah, we were waiting for you to put him on hold. I'm giving him an email address. I'll put him on hold right now. You give him an email address. I'm not going to hang up with him yet. You just get him that. I'll tell you about. Lifelock. Ah, Lifelock, baby. Uber just discovered a breach of 57 million passengers and driver's records, names, driver's License numbers, emails and phone numbers. It's all out there. I told you guys I got a haircut yesterday. They wouldn't give me a haircut unless I gave my phone number and an email address. Like, I just went, I'll just take the. I'll pay you cash. And they're like, no, we cannot. We're not allowed to do it. Corporate America, man. So if you're only monitoring your credit, your identity can still be stolen in ways you can't detect. LifeLock detects a wide range of identity threats. It will alert you if your info is being used like someone stealing from your 401k, then their US based restoration specialist will work to fix it. But it's not going to happen. You'll have Lifelock. You're heading into 2018. All the shopping you do online, all the information you get online, all the business you do online, protect yourself. It's the cost of doing business. And it's barely a couple bucks a month. I've got it. Kids have it, wife has it.

[C]

It.

[B]

You should get it too. Right, Dawson? That's right. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. Go to lifelock.com or call 1-800-lifelock and use promo code ADAM. That's ADAM. For 10 off your LifeLock membership, visit lifelock.com and save 10 now. Yeah, right. Is Ronnie, Ronnie still there? We're gonna need to see some visual evidence. We need a picture of you.

[E]

I showed you mine. Ronnie.

[B]

Yeah, we need to see.

[D]

You are.

[B]

I believe we gave him that email address we gave you the. So send us what you got. Now. Why are you single? You're 42. You're a rich man. You got a jeep with 60 grand worth of, you know, fox shocks and add a leaf and rock collar. Yeah, all the, all the good stuff in there, that's only worth 26 grand. But still you put 60 into it. Why are you single?

[D]

Did you know what I'm gonna do next to it? I'm putting in that a Hellcat motor. Gonna cost me about 30 grand. And that thing's gonna have 700 horsepower.

[B]

You're putting the Dodge Hellcat motor in there.

[D]

Aha. There's a company that does it. You haven't heard about it?

[B]

No.

[D]

Yeah, they're in North Carolina and I've got to send it there and then they're doing everything and it's going to come back with a beefy, you know, they're going to beef up the clients, they're going to beef up the axles have 700. I know, Tina, you will just think you died and gone to heaven in that day.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[D]

Hey, you know another thing I just thought about if you wanted me to do Italian with you.

[B]

Yeah. Hold on. Up until this moment, Gina grad thought a beefy clutch is the purse that Lady Gaga took with her to the Emmys.

[G]

That's true.

[B]

But now she. Beefy clutch. Hey, Ronnie. Hellcat, man. So Dodge is going nuts with horsepower and they're inventing, they're putting, they got a demon and a hellcat, and I think we're talking to James Gunn, who wrote the director Guardians of the Galaxy guy. He has a hellcat and wants to get a demon or whatever it is, their next one, this crazy horsepower war. So he went with this crazy V8 in your Jeep. All right, we're gonna need a picture. Ronnie, I like where your head's at. Not sure why you're living in Corona, but why are you single?

[D]

You know, I had a long term relationship and things just, they weren't going the right way. And I had a feeling ever since I got this money, she was on, on board for the wrong reasons. And that's how it made me think about Gina, because I know she's not that kind of girl.

[E]

That's true.

[B]

Not a gold digger. So you thought maybe you had a gold digger?

[D]

I did, dude. I, I, I set her up, if you know what I mean. I did some things and set some traps and she fell for all of them.

[B]

What is the, what are these traps? I'm a man of means, public service. I'd like to know, please. Someone's digging my gold.

[D]

Okay, I'll tell you. The first one I did, dude, is I said, you know what? I'm not going to tell you your name because people listen to the show and stuff. And I said, Susan Anton.

[E]

Yeah, Oprah.

[D]

I've got this card and I want you to have it because I always want you to be able to get gas and never be stuck, you know.

[E]

For emergency.

[D]

And have a twenty five thousand dollar limit on it. And, and she just played it all cool. Okay, thank you so much. And a couple months later, every time I look at the statement, it's going to the men. And then she said that the one she used it for was gas and sometimes for food and, and I caught a red handed bear.

[B]

She was buying jewelry at the arca.

[D]

Yeah, she was, dude. She's buying all kinds of things that she shouldn't be at the mall.

[B]

Oh, she's Using the card. Oh, you gave her a card for gas? Not a gas card. Because there's a whole scam where people are buying. You know, college kids get the gas card, and they're buying all the beer for all the parties and everything, but she's at the mall with this thing at the Zales, buying herself tennis bracelets and watches and pennants and things like that.

[C]

She went to jail.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And she got. And she got an augmentation, too, on my band.

[E]

Ronnie, I can promise you I wouldn't do that.

[D]

I know.

[C]

Good for you.

[D]

And I didn't even. I like the real ones. And I said, I can't believe you did this. And she's like, they're bigger. And I'm like. But they don't look right, and they're too hard. And so I was really mad about that. And it cost me 7, 500 bucks.

[E]

That's kind of cheap.

[B]

So they realized she was. She's using the credit card, getting breast augmentation, buying herself jewelry. It was supposed to be for gas in emergencies and all. Right, so she was using you, Ronnie. She got it out. But what about before you were rich? What about all those years, you know, people start families, have careers, things of that nature?

[D]

I was always sort of a bachelor, dude. I thought. I sort of thought it was going to be a rock star, to be honest with you.

[B]

Mm. Well, in a way, you are. You're taking a Jeep and climbing rocks with it. One could call yourself a rock star. As a matter of fact, if I had one of these Jeeps, I would have the Rockstar emblazoned on the side of the Jeep. Have we got any pictures yet? Gary? Hey, have you sent Larani. Have you sent us pictures?

[D]

No, I haven't even. I've been on the phone with you.

[B]

All right, I'm putting you on hold. We need pictures.

[E]

We need to know who we're talking to.

[B]

Yes. Okay, we got. Blah, blah, blah. Maybe we should play with Ornie Adams. I think he's been out there for a minute. I also. I don't know if the kids are still doing the memes. Sure, some are, but hold the phone here.

[E]

The GIFs. And the GIFs.

[B]

I had this. So I got this funny thing, you guys know. I've shared it with you. Somebody sent me, the guy prints, pictures and stuff like that. Just made a little composite and it says, dream, Believe, Achieve. And it's us all going, oh, I get in the car and I yell it at my wife and I yell it at the kids, and I just stomp around the house and yell, dream, believe, achieve. And they go, shut the door. And then I go, okay, you say a little quieter. Dream, believe, achieve. And I was sitting around my office staring at the dream, believe, achieve montage picture. And it was a picture of me looking at a Porsche and then driving the Porsche, being up on the podium, blah, blah, blah. And I looked down it, and I went, oh, that car's red and it's number 70. And then I thought, huh, why does that sound familiar? And then I realized the whole time I played for the East Valley Trojans for five years, I was number 70. What? Back when you were a kid, when a number meant something, it was like a big deal. Like, I'd come back the next year. Like, I got number 70 because that's my number, you know, I was always number 70. So then I put this. Told Gary to put this little composite together. And as I was staring at it, I was picturing my picture in my jersey and this number 70 car and thinking, oh, that's cool. Cause I was super poor and super downtrodden and super everything. And it's almost the same shade of red with almost the same. The same number on there as well. I think the TV. Oh, we got another number 70 picture on there.

[E]

Bright red gold trim on both.

[B]

I think I like the first one the best. But either way, I thought, I don't know, check it out. We'll put it [e-mail] and then, you guys, I got my dream Believe achieved, but that's starting to not annoy my family as much as I'd like it to. So if you could come up with something fresh with this new picture, we could pick the best one, the one we like the best. And I could take that and bring it home and annoy the kids.

[C]

I have an annoying question, ignorant question. Was the number 70 on the car already there when you got it, or did you add that to the livery afterwards?

[E]

Was it beshert, as Brian's people say?

[B]

No. Well, that's why. If I'd added it, I wouldn't have had the epiphany.

[C]

Okay, gotcha.

[B]

It just happened to be no. And you can't mess around with the number because that's all part of the history. It had to have the same number that Paul Newman ran at Lamont 1979. If you got in and started messing with that, it'd be like going, I have O.J. simpson's jersey. I'm gonna make him 23. Because I like Michael Jordan.

[C]

I Understand the epiphany. Math. What I thought was you added at some point, like, subconsciously, you still like the number 70 and you realize the connection.

[B]

I made no connection. I was nothing that I was aware of. It just so happened that Paul Newman ran that car's number 70 at Le Mans. That was always my Pee Wee football number back when I was porn downtrodden. All right, so we'll put that up, and you guys can check that out, and we'll see if we can find a picture of Ronnie. We'll let him send something in first, and then we'll take a break. Merry Christmas from the Adam Carolla Show. Can you guess which holiday classic Ozzy is reading from? I cute. I cute. If you said Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, You're correct. Merry Christmas from the Adam Carolla Show. Ornie Adams in studio. Comedian Ornia Ornie Adams. And I'm excited because I was just watching a special note. Not because I needed to, because I wanted to. Serendipity. Good to see you, man.

[H]

Good to see you too.

[B]

I was just cruising through the channels the other night, came upon your special and just watched the shit out of it, and I had no idea you were coming in. I did not look down the schedule, and I said, like, the next day, who's coming in? And I said, ornie Adams. And I went, fantastic. I just watched a special also shot at my hometown theater, the El Portal.

[H]

Love that place.

[B]

Yeah. You're a Boston guy, right?

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

How did you end up at the El Portal? It's a great space, but it's sort of a little unlikely for a Boston comedian.

[H]

In what sense?

[B]

It's in North Hollywood. North Hollywood, you understand? I grew up in a place that is an insane vacuum of comedy. Like people that grew up in Boston. You go, oh, there's all the Bostonian comedians or New York and all. You're gonna be at Catch. You're gonna be at Caroline's. North Hollywood. Hollywood has the population of Boston and 10 other major cities in the San Fernando Valley. And there's not one comedy club. There's not one goddamn comedy club in the entire San Fernando Valley bigger than many countries. And there's no. That's how horrible the San Fernando Valley is for comedy. There is no, oh, I'm gonna go play.

[H]

Isn't Haha Cafe over there?

[E]

Maybe that's the only one.

[B]

So it's like North Hollywood. As you start to crawl out of North Hollywood and you get into the NoHo, like, Arts District, and you start to make your way toward the city, but the entire valley, like hundreds of thousands of peoples and businesses. I guarantee there are 750 Indian joints and 4,500 rub and tugs.

[H]

And that's my audience.

[B]

And I knew that nothing in North Howard. So the fact that you're able to fill that place is.

[H]

You know, Showtime gave me a hunk of money and they said, you can shoot it wherever you want. So I could have gone to Boston or New York where, you know, I was planted for years. But I had done a show right when we were about to book a theater in Northern California at the Hollywood Improv. And I looked out and I said, this is the audience I need to have. There were young people like you saw in the special. There's a 12 year old in the audience and. And then there's guys in Hawaiian shirts and there's just every demographic. And that to me, is what I want in front of me because, you know, I layer and texture my jokes in a certain way that will appeal to everybody. So I felt like this was gonna be what I wanted. And if you look at the theater, it's sexy, it has really nice lines and it. And I knew it was gonna look good on film.

[B]

Yeah, it used to be an old time movie theater. And when I was a kid, I used to walk there and watch movies.

[H]

What movies?

[B]

Oh, I'm trying to remember. They were serving up now. I saw Rocky at some point.

[H]

That's the first movie I remember.

[B]

You saw Rocky?

[H]

Yeah, my dad let me stay up. He said, if you don't watch any tv, I'll let you watch Rocky on tv.

[B]

On tv with commercials. Well, see, I'm older. I saw it in the theater. And I also saw weird movies. God, they had this. All right, you guys, tell me if any of these movies sound remotely familiar. Probably have to wait till Gary comes back and mans the computer because you were not gonna know. Aloha, Bobby and Rose. Not gonna be a movie you've ever heard of. These are like weird movies that showed up. Doc Savage, we've discussed. These are like weird, bad, B, whatever. There's that snake movie where the guy turned into a snake. We were talking about whatever badness shows. So here's the deal. No competition always equals shit, okay? That's why the DMV's the DMV, right? This is why when Dawson's got to get his gas turned on at his new house, they give him an 18 hour window. We'll be there from a little bit before you're born till midnight. That's our Window. Because there's no competition.

[H]

So you're saying the El Portal, instead of buying or getting really good movies, knew they could just give you crap.

[B]

Well, you're sitting around, you've got the Internet, you've got Netflix, you've got everything. Everyone's competing for your eyeballs. Right. There are 200,000 channels everywhere, all the time. So if the local theater used to go there just for air conditioning, the local theater goes. We don't have to put a good movie in here. What are their choices? I could sit home and watch my parents 13 inch Zenith black and white TV and watch a Doris Day rerun from the 50s. Or I could go to the El Portal right now. There's competition now. They must have good theater.

[H]

Didn't that theater catch on fire? Something happened.

[B]

I fell asleep smoking in there. Yeah, they renovated it. Well, Gina, you've been there.

[E]

Yeah, we played there.

[B]

Yeah, we played there a few times.

[E]

Great.

[B]

They did a full renovation and turned it into a live date, which is nice, but I think it's not.

[C]

Like.

[B]

Not. Damn it. Oh, oh. Aha. What's her name? Who just passed away? Fisher's mom.

[E]

Oh, yeah. Debbie Reynolds.

[B]

Debbie Reynolds was like booked there.

[E]

Oh, damn.

[B]

I remember when we were playing there. Like she's gonna be there for like four months or something. Remember in the doc she was playing?

[E]

Yeah. Now I'm very depressed.

[B]

More than loud. Sorry. It's available on Showtime and it premiered just a couple days back. And live shows coming up for Orny as well, all Sunday and today through Sundays. You hear this at the Irvine Improv. We love that. I'll tell you what we can do. We go to his website, orniadams.com and find out all about the live dates. He actually dedicated and renamed the stage at El Portal in W. Reynolds honor.

[E]

That's lovely.

[B]

What'd they name it? Oh, okay, yeah, I get it now.

[E]

The Ornie Adams.

[B]

Let's just pick out a name. So, Ornie, you've been.

[H]

Say it when you're there. You're on. Like if you go to the website, I'll say Ornie Adams more than loud. On the Debris Reynolds stage. As if there are other stages there. There's just one stage.

[B]

There's one stage.

[H]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah. So really funny. Standup special now. Do you do. Do you shoot two and then go back, you know, wear the same shirt and whack it together?

[H]

Yeah, yeah, no, no, here's you. You want to. But when I walk out there, I. I honestly don't know. What I'm going to say. So every show is different. So to merge two shows is actually impossible. So what you're seeing is 99% one show. And we inserted when like there wasn't a camera that didn't get an angle or something, we would insert something. But it's. It's almost one show.

[B]

First show or second show?

[H]

First show.

[B]

First show.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Interesting.

[H]

Yeah. The second show, I mean, I. I mean, you saw how much energy I put out. It's really hard to do that twice.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

And the second show, I think there were drunk people and it was like a late show at a comedy club.

[B]

So the schedule normally is like one show Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday, one Sunday.

[H]

Right.

[B]

That's a tough. How much time do you normally do? Do you have a middle and an opener?

[H]

Sometimes. I was just in San Jose last week and I just had one person in front of me. This weekend I'll have two people. You know, there's so many. There's so many great comics in this area that I can get to come down with me, so. So I let them split the time. They can flip flop each night and stuff like that. And I do an hour or over an hour, whatever I'm in the mood for. But it's the same energy. I don't let up.

[B]

Is the plan to basically fill up about 90 minutes with you and the opener?

[H]

I think so, yeah. It used to be longer and we used to do three shows on Saturday. But the attention spans, there's nothing left.

[B]

It's kind of interesting because everything is just getting kind of sped up. And I come into my son's room and he's looking at his tablet while the TV is on. Like there's all this stuff going on. It's like he's playing a video game and staring at his phone like it's. I don't know. I can't imagine the long term repercussions of this. Are gonna be good.

[E]

His kids, you know, when I was a kid, we only had one iPad to look at while we were watching tv.

[B]

Literally. I think they're just like, my kids are gonna be in their 40s and they're gonna be talking to each other and they're gonna go like. Like, what'd you do today? Well, I. Oh, come on, spit it out already.

[H]

I remember in college, like in the fraternity house, guys would have the TV on and then the stereo blasting and I couldn't figure it out. I'm like, well, why is the TV on? Yeah, you know, it was like weird so. But that was just the beginning. Now it's. You're right, it's. I can't believe your son only has two devices at once. Well, you should have an iWatch or something too.

[B]

I think he does. So for you now, how does it work? Because I've done a lot of standup, but I've never really went through the system. Do you hate standups, stand ups or stand up? No, I think I don't know the scene that well for someone who's done a lot of it. I'm not really that immersed in the culture. I do wonder if some guys do stand up and that gives them a license to sort of be weird. Like, you take guys like Gilbert Godfrey and Norm MacDonald, like, they don't drive and you go, how can you not drive? I'm a stand up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm a cripple. I have the same theory about gays not wanting to help you move. Where you go, hey, can you get that big box of oh, yeah, sorry, man, you're gay. I had a gay assistant. He'd play it up like I literally.

[H]

Gay crutch?

[B]

Yeah, gay crutch. I would swear to God, I would. Like, his name was Matt and he was very gay, you know. And every once in a while I'd see, like, my wife would be pulling up in the driveway and she'd have like the 50 pound sack of kibble in the back of the station wagon. We're up on the second floor and I'd like, look down, I'd go like, matt, go down there. I'll deal with myself. Now, later on I had Jay, the guy who played high school football and college baseball, the super straight guy. And it's like, hey, hey, get your ass out there and get that sack of kibble. I would never think twice about it. So I wonder with comedians, I think some of them, like, in relationships, like, they get to do whatever they want for as long as they want because they're comedians. What do you want out of them? Right, Gina, I'm not driving. I'm a comedian. You come pick me up, you blow me in your car, obviously. And then I'm gonna go home and watch TV and eat.

[E]

What else is next?

[B]

You just get back out of the car and you'll appreciate it. Cause I'm a comedian now. If I was a drywall, you would never put up with this. Right?

[D]

Right.

[H]

Well, that's what's going on right now with everything. And the whole me too and stuff like that. It just, you know, it started up there and it's going to make it to drywallers, so. Good thing you got out.

[B]

I like comedy. I, I like. You would have been exceptional.

[H]

I remember listening to you early on, I'm like, this guy's mind is so fast. Thank God he's not doing comedy.

[B]

I like that.

[C]

Thank God. But don't, don't start.

[B]

Yeah, I never got into. Well, slippery slope. Yeah, no, I'm. The ultimate sort of compliment is thank God he's not fighting in this division, this weight division that I'm in or whatever it is. I always take that. And the ultimate sort of non compliment would be me listening to all the morning shows out in LA when I was a carpenter going, oh, hell, I could do this like that. If they were really incredibly good, I would have won. I'd still be swinging a hammer. Cause I feel like I could never do that.

[H]

Right. But sometimes I would listen to you and you'd hit on a top and then that's it for the day. And I'm like, well, I would have turned that into five minutes and I would have done it for three years.

[B]

So what do you pay? So as it goes, just because I'm curious, what do you pay? A stand up, an opener or a middle? Now I imagine an opener's got to be pretty happy about having a full crowd like the Irvine Improv. I mean, you don't get to see crowds that often.

[H]

Right. They're not making a lot of money, those guys. And the.

[B]

Is it 50 bucks?

[H]

You know, I think the club pays them. They have a budget of about like 150, $200 for two acts before me. And then maybe I'll give them more depending on, you know, sometimes they drive me, sometimes they set up the merchandise. I help sell the merchandise. If they show some value, then those guys I sort of take care of and I'll pay for all the meals and all that sort of stuff. But I'm not at that level. If I'm a guy, you know, pulling in tens of thousands at the, you know, at the Improv this weekend, yeah, I would be more generous.

[B]

And then there's this stuff again with the comedians like Louis CK and everyone's like, oh, you know, I love Louis. I know Louis, we're very tight. I didn't know he was whatever. For once, me not knowing anyone is really paying dividends because I'm like, I really don't know Louis ck. I don't know anybody. Did you know Louie? Do you know Louie?

[H]

Here's the thing that I don't understand. I can't believe none of my reps, nobody I work with has even reached out to me to ask if I have a problem.

[B]

I know.

[H]

I kind of wish they're still investing in my career and there could be a hammer to fall, you know? Thank God there isn't. But I thought, wouldn't that be enough to be asked? If I was an agent, I would have called every client the next day and said, hey, what's out there about you? What am I gonna have to deal with?

[B]

You know, you're right. This is falling under the insulting heading of never being hit on by gay man. Yes. Like. Like, it's not like I would blow you, but it'd be nice if you'd ask every once in a while.

[H]

I get it all the time. You don't get that.

[B]

Well, see now it's getting worse for me. No, I've never been. I'm pretty thick and pretty dense and maybe I was and I didn't know it, but no, I've never overtly been hit on. And our representation, it's damning to us as lovers and potential lovers in terms of do we have these skeletons? You know what I mean? Like, hey, this could be some trumped up stuff. You're on the road all the time. You're going into the steak joint, you hang out and nail a cocktail waitress. But who knows how she's spinning that story. So, A, they don't think of us as coxmen, lovers, men, about lotharios or anything like that. B, they've all obviously given up on our careers and it'd be one or the other like it need. They need to either be invested in the career or be invested in our ability to get laid.

[H]

You'd be a good story. You'd be a good story. I'm not too sure I'm at that level yet.

[B]

That, yeah, maybe with a little man show background and stuff like that. It also makes you wonder, like, who's trying? You know what I mean? Like, is there people going, what about this? You know, there's people out there trying to get stuff on Jimmy, right? Would have to be. Yeah, of course, that's probably government sponsored.

[C]

I got something on Corolla.

[B]

All right, so the special, very funny. And again, it's not the kind of thing where, oh, I knew Ornie was coming in. So it got us a special the weekend before and I was forced to watch it and comment on it. I said I simply stumbled onto it the other night, watched it, thought it was very funny. And then found out the next day Ornie was coming in. Brian, were you?

[C]

Something I thought of after you mentioned, of course, people trying to get something on Jimmy. Remember? We laughed. I laughed especially hard. Tape Unearthed from Jimmy Kimmel. Unearthed from the Man Show. Tape resurfaces.

[B]

Unearthed from 2001.

[C]

This tape resurfaces, and it's like something from the main show, a scripted bit.

[E]

From an old TV show.

[C]

Use of that term.

[H]

Have you made enough money that if it happens, Adam, you're set for life?

[B]

Well, as I put it in two categories, there's FU money, which I do have. I have F you money, but I don't have F me money yet. And F me is more than fu.

[H]

How's that?

[B]

F you money is me saying, like, look, I took my car to get an estimated two body shops. One was $10,000, the other was $12,500. But I don't like your attitude. So I'm just gonna go over here. Like, I had car insurance once, and they were jacking me around, and I said, cancel all my cars on this car insurance. And my money manager said, it's gonna cost you more to go to the other company. And I was like, fine. That's why I made money. So that's F you money. F me? F me money is where you sue me and you go, we can settle up out of court for ten grand. And I go, I'm gonna f myself. I'm gonna give Mark Garrigas $250,000, and we're going to court. I don't care. I have so much money. I'll just do it out of principle. Right? That's F me money. I have F you money.

[H]

That's great.

[B]

I don't have F me money yet.

[H]

You know what I don't get about the auto insurance? Because mine keeps going up. And I call them. I go, why is it going up again this year? And it's because the people in my neighborhood are bad drivers.

[B]

You're on the road.

[H]

I'm fine.

[B]

Right?

[H]

You know, I put. Yeah, 3,000 miles. Even less now with, you know, Uber. And I was listening to Uber story the other day at lax, which is. It is a nightmare.

[B]

That was terrifying. We thought we had to get out at the end of the horseshoe, just.

[H]

Like a cab at that point. Just.

[B]

Well, at that point, we're no man's land. We're just at the end of the. Yeah, but yes, it's all comps, right? Like, in terms of neighborhood, this is what people are paying, or this is who's getting into accidents, but I'm not getting into accidents.

[H]

So why is it.

[B]

Where you. Where do you live?

[H]

I live in Wilshire. La Brea. That Miracle Mile.

[B]

So you spend the whole weekend in Irvine? You're not over there?

[H]

No. And that's a gig that, you know, someone will drive me to. I'm not. I just don't drive.

[B]

Yeah, I don't.

[H]

Unlike you, I hate driving.

[B]

I love it because I need control. All right, so we're gonna do a blah, blah, blah. But now I just feel like we should get into some news.

[E]

There's some breaking stuff.

[B]

All right, well, let's break some news with Gina Grad. Give me the news with Grat. News with Gina Grad.

[F]

Breaking viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me news with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East. Celebrity drunk meltdown. Seek news with Gina. Gina.

[B]

The News with Gina Grad.

[E]

The Wrap reports that Al Franken announced Thursday that he will resign from the US Senate after facing over a half dozen allegations of sexual misconduct. The move comes a day after he was denounced by more than a dozen of his Democratic Senate colleagues, including most of the Senate's Democratic women. Franken said in a statement, quote, it's become clear that I cannot both pursue the Ethics committee process and remain an effective member. Surviving the scandal became unlikely when Politico published a new accusation by a seventh accuser, which was a former Democratic congressional aide who said Franken tried to forcibly kiss her back in 2006 after taping a radio show. Within hours, six female Democrats senators held a press conference denouncing Fragan, calling him to step aside, as did Chuck Schumer.

[B]

This is like being banned for life from a club, and you never got into the club. This notion, like, you want to get drunk and tear the place up and then get banned for life. He never got anything. He tried to kiss somebody, got shut down. Got shut down. He grabbed some booby outside of a flak jacket, so much so that the person didn't even wake up. You know what I mean? By the way, when you. When you're 52 and a half, the thrill of feeling a boob outside of a flak jacket. I mean, the blooms off the boob at that point. What did he get? You know what I mean? Like, I mean, Weinstein has gotta be laughing his ass off.

[E]

Yeah, they're in the same category.

[B]

They're like. They're mentioned in the same breath. And this guy was banging international supermodels all over the goddamn world. And. Or you Know, beating off into plants or whatever it was, or Louis. But Franken never got anything. Did he even get anything?

[E]

It doesn't seem like it. And he, from what I understand, was poised to run for president, so. But at this point, between the Ray Moore's and the grab him by the Trump, does it even matter? Like why does one side denounce Al Franken right away and Ray Moore still running?

[B]

I don't like. Well look, the ones banned from malls.

[H]

I would like to announce that Al Franken is opening for me this weekend.

[B]

He needs a gig. Oh, by the way, how do you get banned from malls? I'd like that.

[E]

That's what happened to Raymond going to the mall. You just got a hit on a few 12 year old girls.

[B]

You know, if my daughter said like let's go to the Gap Teen, I'd be like, yeah, you know, I'd love to, but am banned from the mall. So nothing sexual, just a general banning. So unless you want to go to an outlet mall. I can still get into most of those, but that's always a drive.

[E]

I'd like the new stuff.

[B]

Yeah, so this notion also, I always think about this. I gotta go like he has a 12th accuser or seventh accuser and 12 allegations. 12 ones. Do you know what I mean? This whole thing where it's like these things are really starting to pile up. All the non sex he got.

[H]

Well, why do you think his own party forced him out?

[B]

They're just, look, everybody, everybody's, everybody's horrible. Nobody has a spine or constitution. Everyone is simply. We will turn on whomever, whenever, as fast as we have to. Everything is just for whatever works for us immediately. So we will stand up for this, we'll stand up for that and then we'll immediately just ban it. Abandon ship immediately if we think he's the cause of anything. So it's like, it's like we're all just going to be on this, this rowboat. We're all just going to be rowing along and, and we're, and you talk about unity and you talk about it's us versus them and we have to beat the other team, we have to row harder. And the second somebody stops rowing and like grabs their back, they go, you're out of the boat. They just toss them. Like they just, they just toss them. I, I still haven't heard. Look, other than he's probably a douche, what, what really is there to hang your hat on? He tried to kiss somebody. He's lechi, but I mean, who I Mean, then we'd have to look at the Kennedys, have airports and stadiums named after them. I mean, you want to talk about what those guys were up to and everybody all the time.

[C]

It's a really slippery stuff.

[B]

Sadly, the only hero is Dick Nixon.

[C]

Never tried any of that.

[B]

Never tried a thing. I don't. I don't know.

[H]

Wheelchair, Remember him? Yeah. We had a president, he was in a wheelchair.

[B]

We had another one to grab some ass out of a wheelchair. I just think it's. It's this kind of. This thing where you go, it's nothing, but it's too noisy. We gotta get rid of you.

[E]

Yeah. And from what I understand, I know a lot of people from Minnesota for beloved. In Minnesota. Very beloved, yes. So, yeah, it's very strange. And.

[B]

But I mean, is there. And everyone goes, oh, come on. Look, we start with this bullshit zero tolerance thing. There's a huge difference between what some of these guys are led to have done or tried versus what Al Franken has tried.

[H]

See, that's where my. This is, this is where my mind goes, I think. Because what you're saying is exactly what I think. And then everybody else is thinking the other thing. They're like, no, we gotta get Franken out. So then I say, maybe I'm not smart enough to understand what's really going on. That's where my. And then I shut down. And the next thing you know, I'm talking about Ziploc bags on my special. I'm just not smart enough to figure this out. Like, maybe there's more to the Franken thing that hasn't come out. So this is preemptive or maybe this is really disgusting what he did to women. Cuz we're not. It's. It's sort of like, should men even be having this discussion?

[B]

Oh, I don't know. I mean, to me it's sort of like you're sitting around and, you know, they haul you into the precinct and they go, we got. You got problems with the law. And you go, what? What. What's happening? So a lot of these guys around here, they killed their wife. One smothered her stepson with a pillow. But you, my friend, you blew through some four way stop signs. And you go, okay, but that's not as bad as this. Not anymore. But we just got another report. There was another four way stop sign you went through a few months earlier.

[C]

I'll pay a fine.

[B]

And then they go, and you were doing 67 and 55.

[E]

Did I murder somebody?

[B]

And then I go, oh, and we got another one. We got another one. We got another one. Yeah, yeah. But it's all just a bunch of misdemeanors where these guys are out committing capital murder over here. And then someone goes, so you think breaking law is a good thing? And you go, no, it's not a good thing. So would you like more people blow through stop signs? Like, no. Well, would you like this person in charge or whatever? And it's like, I just don't want to lump him in. I don't even like Al Franken. I just don't want to lump him in with all the real criminals. I still haven't heard. I've heard a couple attempted kisses and I've heard some butt cheek grabs at.

[H]

The state fair, which is. Isn't that what goes on there?

[E]

I mean, sacred.

[C]

She was at the butt squeezing booze.

[H]

Yeah, a pumpkin. Pumpkin.

[B]

Well, they have, they have kissing booze. They have, they have like deep fried Snickers bars and then something called the zipper. I mean, in terms of putting your body through it, the zipper and the deep fried Snickers bar is doing a lot more damage than Frankens.

[C]

Ornie mentioned his first thought. My first thought was like, why are the Democrats turning on him? My first thought was, of course, politically motivated. The Democrats are claiming like this moral high ground against the Roy Moore's. Roy Moore specifically running as a child molester and trying to claim this moral high ground if one of their own is doing some dalliances.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Now, strategically, it makes sense for them because if they can oust or Al Franken is ousted. If he takes himself out, if they take him out, whatever it is. Minnesota, as I understand, is a pretty blue state and he's very popular there. So it would not be a big effort for them to get a Democratic replacement.

[B]

That's the part where you get thrown out of the boat. It's just like we said, we loved you for all these years, but we'll just get another Democrat in here, replace you. It's not gonna affect our ledger any. And yes, we can't make these cries of sexual misconduct as long as you guys are making cries about this and sorry, Al, even it doesn't amount to much, you understand? We gotta get rid of it. That's right. That's exactly what's happening.

[E]

Well, staying on that tip just a little, have two possible. Well, one breakup and one makeup story. You remember we were talking about Billy Bush the other day?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, his road to redemption is chugging along. Just days ago, the Former Today show host hit the Late show in his first public appearance since being fired. And now comes word he's trying to fix his marriage. Remember we talked about him getting broken up with?

[B]

We did, Yep.

[E]

That his wife was leaving him. According to Page Six, Billy and his estranged wife Sidney Davis are ready to patch things up. A source says they are trying to reconcile and it seems like they're making progress. They're working on it. So the couple split in September after 20 years of marriage. It came nearly a year after the leaked video and obviously cost Bush his career. And Donald Trump went on to be president.

[B]

Now let's always be super clear though. Yeah, I kind of like Billy Bush. I feel like he's railroaded.

[C]

But who decided Billy wasn't fit to.

[B]

Be host or everyone? Always remember, if something you do can cost you your career. You had no skill, you offered nothing, you brought nothing. You can't take away someone's livelihood. If you're a journeyman carpenter. You can't just go. No more working. You just get to go out, get your tools and go to work. If Billy Bush brought something to the table, he would be back. We're allowed to take people's careers away who do nothing. He doesn't do anything.

[H]

He wasn't rowing on the.

[B]

The boat. Yes, he was sitting there working good. Yeah, he was working the tiller a little.

[E]

Well, speaking of that, Matt Lauer, by the way. Oh my God. Today Show. It's Today Show.

[B]

Hey, you know what?

[E]

Their ratings have never been higher.

[B]

These guys have all quite an endorsement. Can I say this? There should be, there should be some Eyes Wide Shut parties going on, which is all these guys, they married all these models, then the wheels come off the wagon, then they leave the them. Shouldn't Billy Bush be able to bang Matt Lauer's wife? And then he could offer up his wife and then Weinstein's got a hot wife in there and maybe we could beckon Kevin Spacy over to the dark side. Maybe he'd like it. I don't know. We should just try it. You know what I mean?

[H]

Where is Kevin Spacey? Right? Where are all these people? I think about that all day.

[B]

What's Kevin doing?

[H]

Can he leave his house?

[B]

He's in rehab with Harvey.

[C]

Seems quaint at what he did.

[E]

Yeah, right. Matt Lauer is in Kennebunkport or Hampton.

[B]

I'm just saying there's a lot of well kept hot wives out there with low mileage on them because these guys been on the road whacking off into plants. And we could easily. Look, I think Billy Bush would be perfectly happy with the Weinstein model wife.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And of course, Weinstein's always looking for fresh blood. You know what I mean? Slide her over there.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

I'm trying to make some lemonade here, people.

[C]

Solution oriented.

[B]

Solution oriented. There's a lot of hot wives who have to leave. Yeah, but they're still. They're in their prime sexually. Obviously, these guys are into sex. That's why we're talking about them. Let's do a little. I got a roller skate, you got a key.

[E]

But you have to fight.

[H]

The woman that married Weinstein, when she heard all these stories, don't think she was like, oh, my God, I fell for that.

[B]

Like, you know what I mean?

[H]

Like that, right? Like, that's. She thought that was just a move he pulled on her.

[E]

But, yeah, that was everybody.

[B]

That's a weird thing.

[C]

I thought that was a special thing for me, right?

[H]

And then she's like, I didn't have to marry him.

[B]

The. The Weinstein. So Weinstein's wife, ex wife, or soon to be ex wife or whatever, is this very beautiful model who's also this very successful or was a successful model, I'm sure. Looks like a model now. She's a fashion designer. But she's rich and desirable and everything else. So it would be nice to hook up with her if you're a dude. But if you had any kind of sense of humor at all, shortly after you guys fell in love, you'd have to stage a thing where when you saw lights come up the driveway, you went into the bathroom and left the door open a crack, like in the master bedroom. And when she walked in and kicked the lights on, you were beating off into a ficus and went like, oh, my God, I thought you weren't gonna be home again. And then at some point when she was. Went like, I can't believe I picked a second guy to do this. And you said picked or made.

[H]

Right?

[B]

Because there's one constant here, sweetie.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

I had no interest in beating off into potted plants nine months ago. And then I met you. As far as I could tell, Harvey had no. And we. We turn it, we flip the script, we pin it on her.

[E]

That's good.

[C]

The only common equation here is you. The only common denominator in this equation is you.

[B]

That's right beside the ficus. And these are all different potted plants. That'd be a fun practical joke, though, right?

[C]

That'd be a lot of fun.

[B]

Thank you. Good time. Oh, yeah. Most models have a great sense of humor.

[E]

Well, Matt Lauer, you know, he lost his job and next it looks like he's going to lose his marriage. So Annette ropes.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. She's a beautiful mom. I'm sure Billy would be happy to mount that. Oh, yeah, you know, you just hear what I'm saying?

[E]

Yeah. So his father in law, Henry Roque, says that Annette has taken off her wedding ring, plans to file divorce documents. He told the Daily MA quote, I have no words for Matt Lauer. Everybody feels betrayed. She is not going to stay with him and work it out. Matt and Annette have been down this road before, by the way. A decade ago, while seven months pregnant, she filed for divorce. They reconciled, apparently, after Lauer reportedly paid her $5 million not to leave. So now she's not going to take that.

[H]

You know, I keep feeling under the console to see if you have one of those buttons.

[B]

Yeah, that's my move.

[H]

That's what I do now. When I go into an office, I look for the button.

[B]

Yeah, you do a swipe. All right, so everyone leaves now. But they must have known. And now everyone knows and you have to leave because it's a public shaming. But she must have lived with this, right?

[E]

You know what's interesting about that? This is a very different world we live in because it used to be stand by your man. I mean, think of Hillary Clinton. You know, even 20 years ago it was all about stand by your man. And now you don't want to be near that guy. Guy.

[B]

Well, we know he's not. You know, you're in his galaxy of stars, but you're not the number one planet. You know, there's a group and they're.

[E]

Gonna call the bottom bitch.

[B]

Yeah. As you get older, the new crop will always be moving in, but it's mainly that everyone else knows.

[H]

No. Because they may even have an understanding, like an arrangement, and they're fine with that. But once it goes public, then, you know, she looks weak.

[E]

Right?

[H]

You gotta go. You gotta go. And you get them. You get the money now, don't you? For sure.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[H]

I mean, that's cause for divorce.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

All right, well, let's switch gears a little bit. Apparently there's something called Christmas tree syndrome. I was excited to tell you about this with the floating liver and the white lung and all of it. And you can get it from having a live tree, a live wreath or garland in your home, according to Marie Claire. So what Is it.

[B]

Wait, the live wreath? How do you have a live wreath?

[E]

Like a. You know, you cut a branch into a wreath shape and put on your door or whatever.

[B]

Oh, but it's not a live. Well, no, I mean, it's not plastic.

[C]

It's not plastic. It was from a living tree, right?

[B]

Yeah. I'm doing the math on this.

[C]

You asked what a live.

[B]

No, you said it's not alive. Is it a live. If they say you have a live tree, I'd picture, like, a potted. Like sometimes they do. Like a potted tree or something like that.

[C]

Yes. This is a cut, drowned tree or.

[B]

Right.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

So this is what Christmas tree syndrome is. The mold that grows on evergreens and thrives in warm environments like your living room can affect your home and cause respiratory infections.

[B]

Hold on. I saw a guy going down the street with a Christmas tree on the roof of the SUV today, which I was happy about. But there's this new technique where they put the net around it.

[C]

That's great.

[B]

Don't like it?

[E]

No.

[B]

Not a fan. I can't see what you got. You know what I mean? It's the neighbor who's trying to keep up with the Joneses. The netting is like a universal condom that makes everyone's dick four inches long. You know what I mean? I want to see what you're packing.

[C]

So it adds a little bit to it. I mean, takes away.

[B]

Takes away girth, technically. I want to know. Like, I couldn't tell. This guy sped by me. We had some length, but not the girth. Like, I didn't know. Like, remember the part of the haves and the have nots, like, is. You go, jesus Christ. Look at. They spin on the tree. This thing's going all the way up to the scene, and then you got the little Charlie Brown tree. But when they put them in the net, they bring them all down.

[H]

When you're driving, don't branches go flying off and stuff like that?

[B]

I mean, the net is necessary and practical. I just don't like it. That's what I'm saying.

[C]

Practically. I will say, as one who's driven home with many trees on the top of the car. Car. It's nice to have not the net, to have it open and free because it blows all the loose pine needles off. And you'll get them in your house.

[E]

Well, you got to be careful, because now, apparently, they say it's a lot like having hay fever, and experts say it affects over one third of people. The only cure is a fake tree. So your Options are limited. If you have Christmas tree syndrome.

[B]

I have the discussion a lot with the fake trees, like where people do. And I'm like an atheist who's very pragmatic, but when people do the. No, it's. First off, you save money over the years because you use the same tree. And then you just go ahead and take it apart and break it down and throw it up in the attic and everything like that. It's like, yes, it's a hassle and it's wildly impractical and that's why it's Christmas. That's what it is. Yes. Stringing lights on the outside of your house and making eggnog and figgy pudding. And yes, we could all just go to the Albertsons and buy a canned ham and open it up like it's all. That's all.

[C]

This is everything about the. You're 100% right. Everything about the fake tree is in the pro category. It's easier, it's cheaper. You're not gonna spend whatever, $50 every year on a new tree. It's cleaner, it's less maintenance.

[E]

Not the point.

[C]

Not the point. The only advantage is the biggest advantage. Ritual. It's about the ritual of the season.

[H]

I'll tell you something. Every time on Shark Tank, they got a solution to replace the real tree. I fast forward. Not into it last Friday, the guy was. I wanted to hang something like it was like a chandelier tree. I said fast. I don't even care. I. If I was one of the sharks, I get up and leave.

[B]

No. And one of the greatest.

[H]

How about these people with fake menorahs? Oh, let's talk about the Jewish people with fake menorahs.

[E]

Yeah. Gold plated.

[B]

Really?

[E]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

I'm just saying. Trying to think of fake menorah. What is that? Well, you can do electric. You could do the electric candles.

[H]

There you go.

[B]

The going out now that I have 11 year olds, but even with the young kids going out and picking out the trees, the best. And I'm gonna go ahead and extend this even further.

[C]

Did you bring Phil?

[B]

I shall now. Yeah. The biggest. I'll extend it even further along with Brian and my logic, don't go to the Home Depot and get a deal for 19.95. Go to the local church where all the money goes to the kids or the families or the. Whatever. Pay 41 bucks. Yes.

[C]

The poor bastard is humping it on top of your title.

[H]

Yeah, you're telling me that's not f me money.

[B]

That's It.

[C]

You're right.

[B]

You're right. That's the definition of F me money. All right, what else we got?

[E]

All right, so how about Another Christmas Story? They. There's a group called Song Decks. They crunched all the numbers and found the number one most widely recorded song of the holidays. I have the top five. Wondering if you can guess what number one is or anything in the top five.

[C]

Yes, I've heard that White Christmas was the most popular.

[E]

White Christmas is the second most popular.

[B]

I don't have. I don't know. But the John Lennon. So this is Christmas. Like, Jesus Christ, dude. You were bumming us out when you were alive. Now you're bumming us out from the goddamn grave for the last 35 years.

[C]

That not even the worst Beatles post Beatles Christmas song.

[H]

Paul.

[C]

Christmas time is 10 times worse. Yep.

[E]

Worst one.

[B]

No, no.

[E]

Does not stand the test of time.

[B]

No, it doesn't.

[C]

Is better.

[B]

No. First off, this is. You're not supposed to bum people out for Christmas. That's the main thing. I don't care if it's schmaltzy or bad or 80s. If there's an attempt to uplift, I'm fine. The bumming people out, it's not.

[E]

Do they know it's Christmas?

[C]

We're talking about a D versus an F. I understand.

[B]

Well, no, here's the deal. As formally discussed, Christmas is a vibe. You know what I mean? It's not about what's best. It's kind of a vibe. It's an overall vibe vibe. And there are plenty of Christmas songs inherently aren't good songs. That's why you only listen to them for seven days out of the year. You don't go in July, Hey, I want some Christmas tunes. Like, they're not good songs. They're just sort of. They're like Happy Birthday, you know, it's like a good song, but there's a thing that it's attached to.

[C]

There's Jimmy Buffett songs for when you're on the beat.

[B]

The McCartney song, now we got to find it. No, I don't like it. It's a horrible song, don't get me wrong. But so is Ring around the Posey and Mosey and Oppos and all this stupid. It's a stupid little ditty. The John Lennon song is him attempting to preach to you about how bummed out everyone should be or how can you celebrate with all this kind of stuff, which I don't want any of that.

[C]

This song is my cue to mash the radio as fast as this.

[E]

This song is terrible.

[B]

It's horrible. It's a song, but no. Christmas songs are good. It's a vibe. It's like going. Going to see. It's like going to the. It's like I went to Disneyland. How was it? Oh, the Country Bear Jamboree. Those guys suck. That's just stupid. It's a stupid thing. And. And I don't. I appreciate where Paul's head was at. I don't want to punish him. John was like, I'm writing a song. I have to bum people out.

[E]

Merry Christmas. How dare you.

[B]

That's his. That's his thing.

[H]

I had about five thoughts. I kept them all. No, no, no, no.

[B]

Let's hear it.

[H]

Because you were on such a train.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[H]

I'm not stopping that. No. When someone gets that impassioned. I could add nothing. No, I was. I was gonna. I was gonna. I was gonna say something. I thought all the listeners are gonna write in and go. He did. He was interrupting him.

[B]

No.

[H]

And.

[B]

But anything you have to say, you may say.

[H]

Bob Dylan's Christmas album.

[C]

That's enough.

[B]

What about it?

[H]

It's pretty amazing.

[B]

I don't like Bob Dylan's Graham.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

I wish they'd play something off it the other. Okay, so there's ones. I don't have time to talk. I don't have time for John Lennon trying to bum me. Totally agreed. It's a horrible song. The Lennon's. The McCartney song. Horrible. Not attempting to bum me out. So I don't care about it. And my dumbo kid's gonna enjoy it. Fine. Okay, moving on to Chuck Berry, whose every single song is exact. The Run Run Rudolph song. That is a complete waste of time, too. Again, it's just another thing. But it's Chuck Berry just doing Chuck Berry but over the Christmas theme. But it's.

[E]

It's fun. It's innocuous.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It doesn't mean. It.

[C]

It is.

[B]

This is just going. How do I cash another check on this?

[E]

Okay, so here's a question. In terms of bumout versus novelty versus vibe, where does Grandma got run over by a reindeer?

[B]

Novelty. Fine. Novelty. Fine.

[E]

All right. Well, this is the most widely recorded song of all the holidays covers and.

[C]

Yeah. Versions.

[E]

And I'll tell you, this particular song has been recorded 137,000 times.

[B]

Can I say this? Baby it's Cold Outside is gonna get banned.

[C]

I had the same thought.

[E]

Yeah, that's a little rapey.

[B]

It's gonna get banned the same way when Dire Straits do the money for Nothing Chicken. Where they bleep out that little faggot.

[E]

There is a radio version of it's.

[B]

Going to get bleeped. That didn't exist for 20 years and now it's now baby's colosside is going to go the way the dodo too. So let's enjoy that.

[E]

Pretty much locks the door on her inside.

[B]

Yep.

[E]

Yeah. So you want me to tell you.

[B]

The number one song?

[C]

Can I guess? I'm guessing it's super religious, so I'm going to say Silent Night.

[E]

Brian, you're a goddamn genius.

[C]

Is that what it is?

[E]

Yeah. Excuse me.

[B]

Damn genius.

[E]

So that is. Has been recorded 137,000 times. It is the most record recorded since it was written as still Nacht in Germany in 1818. White Christmas is next. Then Jingle Bells, then the Christmas Song. You know, chestnuts rosing on Open Fire, Winter Wonderland. Those round outs.

[B]

Top five all love it. Just don't like it when they even start doing any. Doing it. Do they know it's Christmas time and they're watering the only water that's here.

[C]

Would you like some water? All I have is the bitter sting of tears. So whatever you got. I guess that's all I have.

[B]

It's really. It's really. It's the one sort of little part of the year we try to carve out and put ourselves in a good mood. And these things formally weren't in heavy rotation like they were. We were aware of the John Lennon song and they do. They know it's Christmas. They were around, but they weren't part of just the Christmas song rotation. Now they're all over the place, so I'd like to get those. And the thing about Barry is Chuck Berries. I gotta think about him filming chicks defecating too. During the. During that time.

[E]

Yeah. Yep.

[B]

There's a guy. Thank God he's died before all the. All this went down. Right.

[C]

Yeah. That would have been legacy changing.

[E]

Well, yeah, I mean, we know.

[C]

Well, we know, but it's not, you know, it's not being.

[E]

He didn't get coming forth. Right, right, right, right.

[B]

All right, let's. All right, let's do one more. First I'll tell you about Nightfall, History's new scripted drama series Nightfall. Wednesdays at. Set in medieval France, tangled in politics and conflict, One courageous Templar knight will lead his order of warrior monks on a life or death mission to find the lost Holy Grail. Tom Cullen from the series Downton Abbey. That's right. I got one of their T shirts Leads the cast, taking viewers deep inside the most powerful, mysterious military order of the Middle Ages. I was just watching this on a treadmill, by the way. Treadmill. If you can stay with a show on a treadmill, that's the tip of the cap to the show because you're standing nine inches from the TV and you're holding the remote like never. Are you more apt to want to change that channel? And there I am. Man. Watched Nightfall Wednesday nights at 10pm on history. Everybody, it is Nightfall. All right, let's do one more.

[E]

All right. Well, you want good vibes for the season? I'll give you one.

[B]

Sure.

[E]

In the NFL, the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Cincinnati Bengals happen to be fierce rivals. But this hasn't stopped Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger from following through on a charity promise and donating money to the K9 units of two Cincinnati area police departments. I don't know if you knew this about him, but over the past 11 years, Roethlisberger has made it a point to donate to K9 units in every city he plays in. Because the Steelers were in Cincinnati on Monday. His foundation donated to the Westchester and Fort Mitchell police.

[B]

Yeah, they had a real physical game. I don't know what's going on with the core.

[C]

Shazir.

[B]

Yeah, I was just reading about it. He underwent spinal stabilization surgery. His season is over. And there are doctors, not doctors who've worked on him, but doctors in the space are speculating that he may be done. What year he was. Been in the league for a while, his fourth year.

[E]

Oh, God, he's a kid.

[B]

Oh, I think. Thought he was. I don't know. Is there Shazier? Was there another one or. I don't know if he had.

[C]

Ryan Shazier has only been around for a year. Like Deary said, four years, I think. Damn, he's a good player.

[H]

Can I run something by you, Adam?

[B]

Yes.

[H]

I'm thinking with all the dogs and this is. I'd love to do this as a bit at some point, but, you know, we got all these pets, dogs walking around in cities and stuff like that. If we did, like a mandatory, like, bomb sniffing program, you know what I mean? Like they do in Israel with all the dogs.

[B]

No, but I think of Israelis as dogs. You know, they have a sort of citizen army. You know what I mean? Like, everybody in Israel can handle a gun, look alert. They've been told to keep their eyes open for guys putting suspicious packages into trash cans and stuff. Like, you've taken the whole community.

[E]

They've all served in the IP put.

[B]

Their head on a swivel. You know what I mean? I'm loving where you're going with the dogs.

[H]

Right. I'm just saying we take these dogs that walk around and basically do nothing. Right. They just. They walk them at night and stuff like that or like, you know, walk through the grove or something. And they can be sniffed. They can be serving, working for us.

[B]

Right. No, that's a service dog that justifies the service. Yeah.

[H]

Not because you might. You get. I don't know what they service dogs are for, but everyone has one for gluten or whatever.

[B]

Not. Yeah, she was drafted in 2014. So he's only been left leap for like two, three years. Three years or whatever. Not. This is fourth. What is. I don't know if you count the years. All right. Oh, yeah. All right. So I do this with centuries. We're in the 21st century, huh? Wait a minute. All right. I felt the same way about my program to win gold in the bobsled sled division with the homeless people, which is like, we could never, ever get guys who could actually win the bobsled. We get our asses kicked by the Germans every year, the Swiss or whatever. And they're like. I started thinking about the homeless, and I started thinking about bobsled. Bobsledding is like eight steps, and then you're ballast. Like, your luggage at that point. Like, you just jump in your luggage. It's those steps. I've seen homeless guys going up Laurel Canyon just pulling a wagon train of shopping carts, and they're training 24 7.

[H]

Some of them are ripped, some of them are.

[B]

They don't have an off season. They're homeless. They're not like, well, I'm gonna get in the the car and drive. I'm take the Bentley tomorrow. Like, you're constantly in training.

[H]

Are we? Maybe we give them a couple of sleds instead of the cart. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Just really get them.

[H]

Get comfortable with the sled.

[B]

Put some comfortable with the sled and get them into the bobsled program. And then as far as the dogs go, you're right. Get them all into the sniffing department. And better yet, as far as the terrorists go, they don't know if my dog's a bomb sniffer. Your dog's a bomb sniffer. If your dog's a bomb sniffer. We don't know who's been trained up. We don't know if the homeless dog is wandering around. It's just a plant or decoy. We don't know. I like it. So they're all bomb sniffing dogs.

[H]

They're all. And then, you know, if they go out with the pressure cooker or whatever it is, they're circled, you know, the dogs do something, right? You know, drugs or something. They just lay down. If you're walking through the airport and a dog lays down next to you, right, you're screwed.

[B]

Yes. We just had this leaving Miami.

[E]

We said the dog when they cuddled Mike August, we knew he was in trouble.

[B]

They sniffed, they had, he had cash and they sniffed cash like. I agree. Let's put them all through the program. How long, how long could it take? I mean it's right up there. Like I said, like when you're in junior high we should all go through like basic EMT sort of paramedic stuff, just how to stop the bleeding, how to resuscitate. You know, just a couple a semester of this and then everyone would be sort of walking around with this information. I like that. With the, with the bomb sniffing, surfing dogs. All right, let's bring it home, shall we?

[E]

I got it. Yes. I'm Gina Grad and that's the news.

[B]

That was the news. Any pictures?

[E]

Come on, Ronnie.

[B]

Come on, Ronnie. How about Geico man? Oh, he got your to do list. Train the dog to sniff out blasting caps. How about you add this to your to do list. Save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance and you won't have to go anywhere. You just go to geico.com 15 minutes, you could be saving 15% or more on your auto insurance. So go to geico.com don't have to leave the house, don't have to go anywhere. Spend a couple of minutes and about 15 and search it out. Could be saving 15% or more on your auto insurance. All right, Gary, get Dickerson ready if you ball Bryan did a couple of taking knees. Part one, part two. Take a knee.

[C]

It's fun.

[B]

And great hall of Fame running back, which is tongue in football for the Rams. Eric Dixon came in and is going to do the one after yours. Air. First one air. That's right. That's right. So he's coming in. I talked to him. I'm going to the Rams game on Sunday. So that's exciting. Takin Sonny. And I thought you guys could listen to a couple of minutes of me and hall of famer Eric Dickerson giving a little love to the Rams. And again it'll be the next after Brian. And you should check out Brian's Take a knee. Very informative.

[C]

Take a Knees.

[B]

Take a knees. Two of them. And I learned a lot, even though I was there the whole time. So listen a little Eric Dickerson, and we'll talk. Let's talk about the current Eric Dickerson working for the Rams. VP of Business Development. Development Rams. I'm a lifelong Rams fan. I grew up in la. There is no, you know, people say to me, like, sometimes I'll go look first off they go, well, why are you a Rams fan when they move to St. Louis? See, this always made me angry. Jimmy's cousin Sal, who grew up in Long island, was always a Cowboys fan. Yuck. I know. And he always made fun of me for liking the Rams the whole time they were still in St. Louis. And I said, well, what am I supposed to do? I grew up as a Rams fan. They moved to St. Louis. We get no other team, so either have nothing, but they're still the Rams or still the Rams right away. This coming from the guy from New York. I still said, the Cowboys fan. Paul's bringing that in here. But this year, man, the Rams. And I remember I, Rich Eisen, was sitting right where you were sitting, sitting probably in the off season, probably during the summer or something. And I went, oh, boy, Rams. How are they going to do again? And he went, oh, this McVeigh guy. Like, he said, he's for real. And I said, are you? Come on. And he just went off on how great the coach was, how young he was, but how good he was. And I said, well, I'll believe it when I see it. And here they are, man. Here they are. I'll say two things. First, first of all, you're right. I mean, I play for the Rams, play for the Colts, I play for the Raiders, But I'm a Ram. I've always been a Ram. And just to show you how loyal I am, no matter what is, my cousin plays for the Cardinals. They played the Cardinals last week. And I sent him a text. I say, rick, I say, I want you to play well. I said, you can get two touchdowns. I say, but I don't want you to win. I still want my Rams to win. Dickerson told a funny story during that Takanilla about in his rookie year, he was out in a bar with a couple of players, like, during the season, just having a good time, maybe after a game or something. And a guy like, walked up to him and said, you don't look that fast on tv. And that's how Dickerson ran. He ran up and down. He just didn't work like Barry Sanders did. But he's a big guy and he's smooth, and he ran a 9, 300 in, like, high school or college. He ran. I mean, that guy had wheels. And the guy basically said, you don't look that fast like on tv. And he's like, well, listen, if you're talking smack, we can just take it outside and go for a race. And the guy's like, I'll do it. And, like, just during the season, went out to Olympic Boulevard, took his shoes off, because he's probably wearing, you know, dress shoes going out, took his shoes off, got barefoot, and just raced this guy down Olympic Boulevard and just smoked him.

[C]

It's a different time, different era.

[H]

You ever see the. You know that guy Scalabrini that played for the Celtics? You ever see those clips where people would shout because he always sat on every team he played for? He sat on the bench, right? So they. Does that mean I'm done?

[B]

Unless I went to Scott?

[E]

That's the wrap it up sign.

[H]

I'm getting played off Anyway, so people would challenge him, saying that, you know, they could beat him. So he actually played people that challenged him. And the video is on YouTube. YouTube. And he destroys them.

[C]

He was a great college player.

[H]

It's not even close. Like, he's just dunking on them and bowling them over.

[B]

And what year is that for? What year did he play it?

[C]

He played SEO. I think he finished in 02. I'm going to say wall one or 02 somewhere around there.

[B]

Yeah. The moral of the story is.

[H]

Shut up.

[B]

Yeah, shut up. I saw an NBA team. He's better than you, number one. Number two, Eric Dickerton may not look very fast on tv. Airplanes don't look that fast on tv. Believe me. They're fast. Fast than you is what I'm saying. And until next time, Adam Crawford, Adams, Gina Grad. And Ball Bryan. Say it. Mahalo.

[H]

Thank God he's not doing comedy.

[A]

All right, this is adam K Show 22:19, an early appearance from Oneie Adams with quite the run of the show in the past couple years. Up next, we have Adam Kollo show 2244 with the greatest.

[B]

Phil Rosenthal.

[A]

The great Joe Coy, Gina Grad. And Brian Bishop from 2018.

[B]

First Jo Koy, everybody. Oh, wait. First Gina Grad, everybody. And bald Brian. Yeah, yeah. So Phil Rosenthal will be coming in here and, ooh, remind me to ask him about the Dodger dog, just because I know. I know it'll make him violent. Yeah. Joe Cole. We're gonna do a thing. Since everyone loved Jo Koy's mother so much.

[F]

What?

[B]

She's a gem. There was a response. We thought it'd be fun to have people call in, sort of tell Jo Koy's mom what they wanted to do and then she could shoot it down. Okay.

[F]

For sure. Yeah.

[B]

Like their dreams.

[C]

Try to direct them into nursing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. There's always that path. Nudge them toward nursing.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

I've decided. There's a couple things I decided from watching all the ladies speak and all the award shows and Oprah and everything. One of the things I would like for my society. We don't need to do a march utopia. I want everyone in Los Angeles to drive their own truth. Oh, I'm now driving my truth.

[E]

Okay, so you're not living your truth. You're driving your truth.

[B]

I'm driving my truth. I go through red light lights. Like, I'll give you. I'll give you a. I'll give you.

[C]

Your truth is that red arrow doesn't exist.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

I go through the red. No, I'll give. I'll give you guys a perfect drive your truth thing.

[G]

Great.

[B]

We all have that place you go, like the mall, the gym, the whatever. And the parking lot leads out onto the main street. And there's a signal there. But there wasn't a signal there. But then they built the mall and now there is a signal there. And the guys who planned it out did it right. It'll be 10 times as long as. Because there's 10 times more traffic going up and down Ventura Boulevard. And you'll get a minute. So you may have to sit. Now I have one of those. And I'll go to the gym at 9, 9:30 at night and come out at 9:30 or 10:00 clock at night. And there'll be nobody going up and down the boulevard. And then you're just sitting there at endless stoplight that didn't even exist.

[C]

Whereas before you would just get. Shut up.

[B]

It's a driveway, essentially. And you would have just turned when there was no cars, but they put a signal there. Now I drive my truth. I just drive. I look to the left, I look to the right. I don't see any cars. I look behind me, I don't see any cops. And I just drive through it.

[E]

You identify as somebody who doesn't see a light.

[B]

That's right. Identify. And I'm transitioning.

[E]

That's great.

[B]

Into David Koresh. Yeah, just do it that way. And now here's the thing. Everyone freaked out by doing it. No one wants to do that. But everyone will happily drive from here to Vegas and be doing 85 along. I. Whatever they do that, they don't think twice about that. That's how you get a ticket. But also break it down, which is if you do get a ticket doing this, it'll be once every seven years. And it'll be well worth it for the amount of times you drive your truth. Yeah. Go that way in life. And they should put that up on those big freeway signs.

[E]

Hashtag, drive your truth.

[B]

That's right.

[F]

That's a bumper stick.

[G]

That's great.

[B]

Drive your truth. I'm driving my truth.

[E]

That's good.

[B]

All right. As well. So I've Drive youe Truth. And I have rcs. I have Restless Cock syndrome.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Those are the two things I'm supporting.

[E]

So many victims.

[B]

3. Dr. Drew said what? 3.8 billion people. Billion men suffer from Restless Cock syndrome.

[E]

Has Joe heard the psa?

[C]

He's been too busy managing his restless cock.

[B]

We put a. We put. And you may have suffered. I've been driving my cock where you suffered. You may have suffered in the shadows or suffered in shame in the shadows. No. All right, we'll play the psa.

[C]

Time to join the rest of.

[B]

Then we'll take some calls for Joe's mom. Dawson will find it. Oh, we got questions for Joe's mom. I love it. All right, you want to buy some time? You're good.

[C]

Here we go.

[B]

I need a little time. I gotta find it.

[C]

Gotta dig it.

[B]

Oh, okay. Okay. I gotta get our hand stuffed down because I go, Dawson need a little time. Dawson, like, pointed down at the board.

[C]

Like, be the worst 80s action movie.

[B]

I know.

[C]

What does the chomp thing mean? What is the chomp thing?

[B]

Yes. You need some time. All right. Joe Coy's mom, you want to talk to? Who do you want to talk to? Vac from Iowa.

[F]

My mom is already on. On the air?

[B]

Yeah. Your mom's already on the air. Wow. Or let's see. Joe Ko's mom, three daughters. Wants to know. Okay, let's talk to VA 36. Yeah.

[D]

Hey, gang. Long time and few time caller. Now, I'm. My wife and I have three young kids. They're all girls. And I know how the Asians are.

[B]

Daughters, Boys.

[E]

Oh, man.

[B]

Do we roll the dice here and.

[D]

Go for a fourth praying? I mean, really, to all the Asian gods, that is a boy.

[B]

Or do we call it a day? What are your thoughts? You have three daughters. I couldn't imagine. Now I have an extreme. I have a crazy banshee daughter and a super mellow, laid back son. So in my world, three daughters sounds totally insane.

[C]

Hey, Natalia, two and three, come with me.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, she's totally sweet, but she has a crazy, crazy motor. My son is like somebody put a quaalude on his Ethernet. Never. Never seen. Never seen that before. But. So for me. But are your daughters crazy?

[D]

The first one fooled us into having another, and then before we could.

[B]

The first one fooled you.

[D]

Yeah, she's a sweet little princess. Never. She slept through the night, was a great kid, great baby, all the fun, and really was great experience. Fooled us into having a second one three years later. And before we could, before we figured out that she was the banshee child, we.

[B]

Two years had gone by and we're here. All right, so Joe Coy's Filipino mom. Should he have a fourth child and risk a fourth daughter?

[F]

Well, with the daughters. Here's the good part about the daughters. Are you ready, Bach?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

He's vak with him.

[F]

No, it's.

[B]

Yeah, that's actually, that's what I'm saying. It's vac.

[F]

Okay, back. Look, BS And Victor.

[B]

Look, V. Right? V as in Victor.

[F]

V as in Victor. That's what I'm saying. You brought me to your show. I don't need you to correct my. The way I talk. I said B as in beak There.

[B]

Have you seen the Stallone movie Victory about the soccer players?

[F]

It's one of my favorite Stallone movies. Victory.

[B]

Victory.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay, you're doing a screening of Cobra.

[B]

Oh, I cannot wait to see that one.

[F]

That's going to be.

[B]

Yeah, that's Cobra coming up. Irvine Thursday Improv for sure. Yeah, go ahead, sir.

[F]

The good thing about three doctors here is the. The best part. You ready? Guaranteed to be nurses.

[B]

All three are going to be nurses. Guaranteed.

[F]

Have no choice in life. They are women and they have to be a nurse. Even if they have an ounce of talent, maybe a singer or an actress or very book smart, whatever, they have to become nurses.

[B]

They didn't ask you to speak at that Million Woman March the other day, did they?

[F]

No, they're not allowed to. They're. Well, they were probably.

[B]

Out of what they're doing.

[F]

A ship. A 12 hour ship.

[B]

A shift. Yeah, a 12 hour shift.

[F]

That's what I just said, shift. You keep correcting me, Adam, like something's.

[B]

Wrong with your ears. I don't understand. Sorry, I'm not making it clear for the listeners. Oh, okay.

[F]

Well, they should understand what I'm saying that the nurses have a 12 hour shift and that's where they always are at work.

[B]

All right? So if you have a boy, you.

[F]

Know he can do whatever he wants.

[B]

Okay? So he doesn't have to be a nurse.

[F]

He doesn't have to be a nurse. But I will still try and persuade.

[B]

Him to be a nurse. All right? So go ahead and have the fourth child and if it's a girl, she'll be a nurse. Four nurses.

[F]

Someone will always take care of you.

[C]

Back.

[F]

Someone has your back.

[G]

Back.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's back, but yeah, that's what I said. Okay. Someone wants to ask about the Vikings losing. Someone wants to talk about. There's a Filipino stereotype. Let's hold on a second here. Is that Grant 34?

[F]

What the is the stereotype?

[D]

Hey, guys.

[B]

Long time, fourth time, St. Paul. Sorry about it, man.

[D]

Yeah. Tough loss last night.

[B]

Yeah. Is Joe Coy's mom there? Yeah, she is.

[F]

Yeah, I'm here. What's the stereotype?

[B]

How you doing?

[F]

Are you talking about Grant? What's this stereotype from Saint. Saint Paul?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

First of all, I wonder if I could take you out on a date sometime.

[E]

Whoa, he got fresh.

[C]

Are you spoken for, Joe?

[F]

Well, I have a question for you. Are you a soldier? Are you a soldier? Do you work for the Armed Services for the United States of America?

[B]

Oh, you do? Yeah.

[F]

But then your chances look good.

[B]

Do you like a man in a uniform?

[F]

I like a man in a uniform. That's very sexy to me.

[B]

Very sexy. And I have a lifetime supply of.

[D]

Vicks for you guys, too.

[B]

She likes Vicks anywhere.

[F]

Vic Paper app, Vicks Big.

[D]

My question for you is how. How can we get rid of these.

[B]

Stereotypes that, you know, people. People think you guys just talk funny and just. And just want to become doctors and nurses.

[F]

That. I don't know how that's going to happen because we will always have this accent, you son of a shit. So if you have a problem with my accent, at least I can speak two languages, you piece of shit.

[B]

Frank.

[F]

Two languages. You speak well language. You understand what I'. When you get sick, who do you come to? The nurses?

[B]

The nurses for? The vets. How's that, Grant? Yeah, yeah, sorry, Grant. Piece of shit a second ago.

[F]

Enjoy the stereotype.

[B]

Hey, Mike is 32 from Las Vegas. Mike.

[D]

Hey. How's it going?

[B]

Going on, man.

[F]

Hi, Mike. Hi, Mike.

[B]

Mike's nice. What's the question, Mike?

[D]

I took the Vikings and then gambled.

[B]

My way into a bigger hole.

[D]

I'm down about 500.

[B]

I'm here on work and sounds. Yeah.

[F]

Sounds like you're gallivanting around Las Vegas, huh? Where's the wipe?

[E]

The what?

[B]

Where's your. The wife? Where's your wife?

[F]

You know what I don't like about you, Adam? You understand what I'm saying? You think it's funny to make fun of me?

[B]

No, I'm not making fun of you.

[F]

Exactly what wife means. Where is the wipe?

[B]

A lot of listeners think you're talking about a moist towelette.

[F]

Why would I. Where is your moist towelette? I would just say that.

[B]

I'm saying for clarity for the listeners. They're saying, where's your. They're hearing the word wipe.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

And I'm asking him.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

The reason why you're down on your luck in Las Vegas.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Is you're not being people to your wife. How hard is that to understand?

[B]

See, because a lot of people heard people. And wipe. And wipe there. So what I'm trying to do is clarify it just for the people in their cars who are listening.

[F]

That's what you're saying. I still think you're being Clarity of an.

[B]

I'm looking for transparency.

[F]

I understand, but I. I think you're.

[B]

Being a little bit of an.

[F]

You understand what I'm saying?

[B]

But you're.

[F]

You're going for the.

[B]

I'm speaking your truth. Ah. So that people understand your truth.

[F]

I'm living my truth.

[B]

And you're leaving your truth.

[F]

You're an asshole. Everyone needs to know that.

[B]

You said, well, you're leaving your truth.

[F]

I'm leaving my truth. I'm leaving my truth.

[B]

You're living your truth.

[F]

Yeah. Exactly.

[B]

Right? Yeah. See what I did?

[F]

You're just saying what I'm already saying.

[B]

Let's focus on Mike. Mike, can I make you feel better? In that. My sort of pantheon of. Of how the paths always screw me one way or the other, RJ Bell called in last week. He said, here's a teaser. Pat's at home. All they have to do is win. And Philly. In Philly, you get nine points. And I was like, that is a dead pipe ringer. Lock cinch, lead pipe cinch. So I said, okay, that's what I'm doing. That's. Patriots got to win at home against the Jags. Okay? That's going to happen. And I'm the guy who likes Philly. I'm like, philly's at home. I watch from Philly. I'm from Philly. But that's not why I like Philly. Why I like Philly is I was at the Rams game when the Rams were at home and the Rams were playing very well, and Phillies quarterback went down and their backup came in the game and proceeded to light up the scoreboard. Like they just took the Rams when the Rams were flying high. And Bowles, or whatever his name is, Foles, went on to win that game and then just went on to play real well. I'm like, well, now they're playing at home. Why are they dog? So I thought they would win. Turns out they did win. They got nine points. Now, how did the Patriots screw me? What happened was, is August called, as I told you yesterday, and said, I gotta. I gotta lock for this UFC thing.

[E]

How do you have a deal?

[B]

So I was about to put a little wager on RJ's parlay. Parlay and his teaser, and I stopped and I went, oh, now we got this UFC thing to think about. And I started going, and I spent like the weekend thing about then I called Mike on. On Saturday afternoon. I went, I don't want to do. I don't wanna do his thing. And I was like, off. Now, I didn't bet the parlay because I had the UFC thing in, like, bubbling around in my bed. I just. I just went. I had in my mind, I want to bet this weekend. And then the UFC thing jumped in and scrambled me up. Then I was watching the Patriots game yesterday, and when the Patriots looked like they were going to go down 17 or 21 to 3 or something, I just thought, good. I'm glad I didn't make that parlay bet because the Patriots are going to lose. And I'm glad.

[C]

Miserable.

[B]

This UFC thing got in between us and the gambling around then the Patriots went and won. And I was like. Then I thought, all right, I hope Philly loses now. And the Vikings went right down and scored. Made it seven. Nothing I was like, would have completely covered.

[C]

Obviously seven later.

[B]

Anyway, goddamn Patriots. They're going to win another Super Bowl.

[F]

Another one.

[B]

Who's going to stop them?

[E]

If they do, then they tie with the Steelers, right? For five. Five wins in the Super Bowl.

[B]

Yeah, but there a whole bunch of times lost twice.

[C]

Three times, actually.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, three times, fool. So. All right, three times, fool. Can I tell you who I'm gonna get angry at? And then, Mike, we're gonna get back to you, and you guys tell me if this is right, and you tell me if I'm a little more righteous than everyone else or a lot more righteous and better human being than Everyone else, which, which is this. My dad's from South Philly. My dad's not a big sports fan, but he does like the Eagles. And because he's from Philly and I spent time in Philly as a kid, we'd always kind of root for the Eagles. They never been as good as everyone else. When they played the Dallas Cowboys, the first time they went to the super bowl, they were not very good and they were destroyed. I think it was the Cowboys. The Raiders. The Raiders destroyed them. Sorry. The Raiders put a whooping on them. That's ok. That makes sense. Then the second time they played another dynasty and they're playing the Patriots and they couldn't keep up with the Patriots. Right, right. And they tried as best they could. Terrell Owens had like the broken ankle and everything.

[C]

Because Terrell Owens was dumb.

[B]

He was amazed on a broken leg. He had a great game and it's just, they couldn't get it done. And now they're going to come back for a third time. This has been going on for 45, 50 years. Since the Super Bowls ran, they've gone twice. I guess they've lost twice. Okay. Now I will be. And so I want them to win. My dad's 86. Be nice. We could see them win. On the other hand, I just want him to win because one team goes every single year and wins every other year and the other team's never been there. Hasn't been there for, since four, for like, like 13, 14 years. Yeah.

[F]

Different uniform changes and then.

[B]

And then you know, from before that, 20 years before that or more so.

[C]

And another hard luck season. Their quarterback was having an MVP caliber season. Anyone?

[B]

So I'm going to be at a Super bowl party and at some point I'm going to turn to someone next to me and I'm going to go, who are you rooting for? And they're going to go the Pats. And I'm going to go put money on the game. And they go now. And I'll go from the New England area. And they'll go, no, I'm from La Jolla. And then I'll go, you a big Pats fan or is your folks from the Boston area? And they'll go now I just like to see him win. There's one team that has never won, isn't supposed to be here and all they do is lose. And a city that's, that's arguably one of the, you know. Yes. Like. And another team just wins and the guy's married to a Super Model. Like really? Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Identify with that.

[B]

I just kind of like to see him win. It's like, why? What. How can you be wired? And if you're wired that way, can we agree that you're flawed?

[E]

Sure.

[F]

Very flawed.

[E]

Like that you're attaching yourself to a winning team so you feel better.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

Bandwagon. Bandwagon.

[B]

That's my son, Mike. Go ahead. Sorry, sorry. Joe Coy's mom.

[C]

Mike's down 500 bucks, Mike.

[B]

So what's the question? You need.

[D]

So I need to know where I go from here. What. What game should I be playing?

[E]

He lost 500 bucks.

[F]

You lost all your money already?

[B]

Well, I.

[F]

It's time to go home, you know, Go back to your wife, say sorry, stop gambling.

[C]

Do you gamble, Mrs. Joy?

[F]

I do gamble.

[C]

I was going to say you play.

[B]

Like pie gown poker.

[F]

I like video poker.

[B]

Video poker.

[F]

Video poker.

[B]

Video poker.

[F]

I love to sit there and just.

[B]

I feel like that's a great video poker all day. If you, if you, if you like gambling, but you love smoking, Video poker is your game. Like everyone, every time I see somebody playing video poker, I go, they enjoy video poker, but they love smoking. You get to sit and you get to smoke in a completely judgment free environment.

[F]

You like to drink too, because they keep serving you.

[B]

Drinking, drinking, and smoking is good. It just. It doesn't work at the roulette table and it doesn't work at the craft table.

[F]

But that video poker, you'll get blasted for 10 bucks.

[B]

I'm convinced there's a lot of people there who just want to smoke and they're not even playing. They're literally just from neighboring communities and they. They're tired of being judged. Like standing out front of their work in the parking lot, smoking. They just go across somewhere, casino smoking. A judgment free. That's not. It's not a smoke free environment. It's a judgment free environment.

[F]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah, Mike, if you're feeling down, I hear there's a nice restaurant out there called Yoji that you could probably go to.

[B]

Yoji. That's right. There we go.

[F]

Take what little money you have and go and get yourself right over to YOJ right now.

[B]

We'll do that tomorrow night. Shabu shabu.

[F]

Just ask adam. He ate $700 of Kobe beef. God, it was like a real piece of shit.

[B]

That is nothing better than. Here's the thing.

[F]

Then he made my son go next door and get him liquor because he's said he cannot eat meat unless he has liquor. But my son did not have his liquor license yet. So Adam forcefully made Joseph go next door and buy liquor for him so he could enjoy his food.

[E]

What a cad.

[B]

It was a very long day and long.

[C]

45 minute.

[F]

Mike August ate seven plates of wagyu. What a piece of shit.

[B]

And the plate then asked for a.

[F]

To go bag and went into the freezer and grabbed uncooked food and brought it on his private jet. What two pieces of shit. These guys are.

[B]

They're going to bankrupt your son. The toast of the Hawaiian Islands in Seattle.

[F]

Oh, he worked very hard for that.

[B]

His special Jo Koy live from Seattle is absolutely awesome. His podcast, the Koi Pond is unboxing. Unbelievable. Podcast one and you can get it on Apple. But I mean, your son almost went bankrupt, right? With the amount of wagyu beef that Mike August and Adam Carolla ate.

[F]

Yes. Which my son even was surprised when at the end of your. Your. Your. How do I say, gluttony, you look at him and said, what's for dessert? What a piece of shit. And Mike goes, you know what? I'm in the mood for dessert. Let's try the salmon. And he wanted salmon. Salmon for dessert. What a fucking piece of shit bear.

[B]

I tell you, a bear. All right, help Yoji get back in.

[C]

The black, Mike, by going out and checking restaurant Mike.

[B]

How much longer are you in Vegas?

[D]

Wednesday.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay. Plenty of time.

[F]

Just Google it.

[B]

All right, Joe Coy. I will play your PSA that we put together for rcs.

[E]

This is no laughing matter.

[B]

Serious. I thought I was the only one. I told myself I was in control. It was constant, unrelenting. I felt trapped, helpless. I just can't make it stop. I tried pills and drugs, but that only made it worse. My name is Kaylin Dylan. Matt Dawson. Gary Chris. And I suffer from. I suffer from. I suffer from. I suffer from. I suffer from rcs. Restless Cock Syndrome. People think RCS is a joke. They laugh when they hear what it stands for.

[F]

What they don't hear is.

[B]

Is the crying I do at night, knowing tomorrow will be another waking nightmare. I can't live like this anymore. But now I know there's help. Hi, I'm Dr. Drew, and I've helped.

[H]

Countless men who have suffered from rcs.

[B]

Restless Cox Syndrome.

[H]

It's not a joke. It is a serious condition that affects 3.8 billion men. And they suffer each and every day. You are not alone. You are not a monster. Call your doctor now and set up help. You can get it to stop.

[C]

You can tell it.

[B]

No.

[H]

You can take back Control and get help today.

[B]

Powerful. That's what makes you think right sobering. Phil Rosenthal is here. 70ft Phil, the name of the Netflix show. I think everyone should be jealous of Phil. Just eating his truth. Just. I just love the. I love the new world, Old order, where you go, what am I into? I'm into food. What am I into? Experience and travel and people. I'm good. Let's film it. Let's go do it. The new one is so good. He's all over the globe. And Phil, very funny on his feet, which really quietly makes the show funnier than a lot of standups who do that kind of stuff. Stuff like just better. Little better on his feet than guys who are. You're sort of used to seeing the names on the marquees. Speaking of food. So Postmates, these guys, I love these guys because they just go get whatever you want and they'll bring it to you. And the reason I was thinking about Phil and food, I want to talk to Phil about hot dogs. I know he hates the Dodger dog, but a lot of controversy of the grilled versus steamed, sort of. I like the snap of the cake casing. And I got this place called Carney's.

[F]

Oh, I love it.

[B]

They don't deliver, and we want Carney dogs.

[C]

Postmates won't go get them.

[B]

Oh, Postmates will go get them. We sit at the other shop and watch football on Sunday. And I go, I want a carny's dog. And nobody wants to go drive over there and go get it. And we hop on Postmates. Boom, there it is. Whether you want tacos or batteries for your smoke detector, pie, Mangria, endless rant, whatever you want. And anywhere Postmates gets it. And they got a 30 day free trial. You can. You get 30 days of free delivery on any order over 20 bucks. That's any order. When you sign up for Postmates Unlimited.

[F]

I use it in New York all the time.

[B]

Oh, good. We use it over here on time when.

[C]

I love it.

[B]

Download the Postmates app at iOS or Android and get anything, anywhere, anytime. Postmates, they get it, man. All right.

[F]

And you know the guys that deliver on Postmates. Nice people.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

I just want to tell you that. Very nice. Good.

[B]

Like this.

[F]

Here you go, sir.

[B]

Thank you so much. Good sponsor, good people. All right, so Rosenthal is over there. Let's see. Max, Pat, I want to. Want to get into Adam.

[F]

I just want to tell you one thing real quick.

[B]

Oh, I had a dream last night.

[F]

I know your listeners can't see, but you're having a good fucking hair day, man.

[B]

It's puffy.

[E]

It has some volume.

[F]

You see that?

[C]

It's thicker.

[B]

It's fuller.

[F]

I'm not even trying to make this up. I'm not kissing your ass, but holy shit, man.

[B]

Yeah, wow.

[F]

It's got a little peak in the middle. Like it's kind of like this triangle. Yeah, right there.

[B]

I'm getting. I'm getting in the swimming pool in the morning now. And the freezing, the freezing cold water. And I think that may be, that may be part of.

[E]

Women pay big money for that sea salty beach look. And you have it because you got salt pool man.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[H]

Every.

[B]

Hold your ears, Brian. I constantly sit around and sort of try to figure out what happened and why I got the short end of the stick and what the hell's wrong with my parents and how come this, that and the other. But full head of hair.

[F]

Full head of hair.

[B]

I got it, bro. I got to take a moment and be a little thankful for that.

[C]

I found out that Joe's equally bald as I am.

[F]

Yeah, I lost mine at 20. Thanks, dad. What a piece of shit he is.

[B]

But as I've always said, never a better time to be poor.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think people think I'm kidding when I'm saying that, but I'm not kidding. Which is when, when I was young, if you were poor, your car was a piece of shit. Like it didn't run, it didn't have air conditioning, didn't have a tail light. It was like a lot of, like a lot of car related stuff. Like where's. I can't come come into work, it's overheating. Like there's a lot of. Now you can be poor now and just go get a used mini Cooper for $8,000 or whatever. And it starts in the air, works and it's like, it's safe and it has a, like that works. It's good looking. You can have a 60 inch TV for 340 bucks. Like. Yes.

[C]

Well, one of the. One of the exercises, the futile exercises that define my life of being poor and probably everyone else when they didn't have any much money. And I wonder if it's still a thing is the things like your car, your tv, whatever, they could only work in certain circumstances or in certain ways. Like if I jiggle the keys just right, I can get it to start. Or if I turn the antenna just right, I can get this done here. Is that even a thing anymore?

[B]

Well, yeah, no, there was just work.

[E]

I Like if I Put the fob on the dashboard.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. I have to put it in the right place.

[B]

No, there were the fob.

[E]

I'm so sorry.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

No, that's an attack. How dare you. No, what I'm saying is, if somebody borrowed your car, there'd be three conversations.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

The first conversation would be, no, dude, I'm not insured. Like, I can't. But if I let someone borrow my car, it'd be like. First off, it'd be like this. Okay, so listen. There's no ignition because when they stole the car the first time, they pulled the ignition out. So I started with a flathead screwdriver, which I did. I carried around a little Craftsman flathead, the short one. Flathead screw down. It started with that. But there's a kill switch under the bench seat in the front. You got to make sure the kill switch is on because that'll shut the fuel pump. That's why I have the car today. They stole it. They pulled ignition out, and I found it down the street. But. All right, so use the screwdriver, then make sure the thing's off. And everyone have. They, like, jiggle the keys, pump it once. Don't flood it. Don't.

[F]

Don't give it any gas.

[B]

Don't give it gas when you're starting, if you stay. If it's. If it doesn't catch, don't pump it. Because you'll. It's a lot of that. Then there's a lot of, like, what the car means to you. Like, hey, listen, man, this is my only car, and I gotta be at work tomorrow. Yeah. And I can't get to work if something happens to this car, so you need to. And then a lot of discussion about if you screw this car up, you gotta fix it. Like, a lot about what your part of this deal is, about how you have to fix it and what your responsibility is. There's side conversations about, you better put some gas in it. Like, if you're gonna go. If you're going to your apartment, and then you're going to your girlfriend's house and you're gonna move in my truck. Like, you're. You better. That thing. It better be more gas in it than when I gave it and I got it. I know I'm on an eighth of a tank now, so I know where I'm. Like, there's a lot of discussion about the gas. Then there's also. I would have side ones about, like, I'm not insured, so you're on your own. Like, if this Thing happens, like, now. And it was just a big deal to borrow someone's car or drive someone's car. Now it's just like, my keys are by the front door. Go ahead, go move it. Like, no discussion, questions on reparation or how much gas is in there or how to start the car.

[C]

The pound of flesh it's going to take to make this whole thing even.

[B]

Right? And don't go for the Arco either. Go chevron or Union 76. I don't want. And I don't want that low test at 87. I want 89 or above. Like, like lots of discussions about how to do this and what side the gas cap was on and just weird parts, weird exchanges where it'd be like, I didn't go to the gas station, but here's $4. $4. I need at least $6.

[C]

Like, you gotta hold the thing at a high angle, the pump. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Like all the dumb conversations that you just have about being poor. The Corolla house. It was a big deal if someone wanted to use the telephone. Like, who you call. Hold on. What area are you calling over?

[C]

The hill.

[B]

If it's local. Hey, if you're just calling someone who would hear you anyway, like, when you're just talking, then you can borrow the phone. So the rule is they have to be able to open a window and hear you talking into the Corolla phone. But if they're on the other side of the hill, like they're in Santa Monica or something, like, no deal way. That's a toll call we don't have. Or you could leave like $2 on the bureau if you're calling. If you're doing a toll call, make me haul or news. Also, like, once a year, my dad's. My dad's brother Ralph would like, call from Philadelphia, and they'd have to, like, call and talk for four minutes and then hang up. And then like, my dad would have to call him back. Like, you couldn't do a whole eight minutes with Ralph?

[C]

That's too extravagant.

[F]

How about highlighting the phones?

[B]

The phone calls on the. Oh, my.

[F]

I didn't call any of these.

[B]

Yeah, I was always like, I don't know anyone in Temecula. I. I don't know anyone at Jamaica. Well, you don't. I don't know who that is.

[F]

This was 35 cents. That was 26 cents.

[B]

This is a dollar here. Who the fuck are you talking to?

[F]

Who deserves a dollar worth of talk?

[B]

I had three roommates. And then every Once in a while you'd have to do the exploratory conversation. I will then call the guy from Temecula because I don't know who that is. And I'd be screwed if it was like an auto parts place or something and be like, okay, that's, that's me. Called on a bumper. But like everyone, I just loved it how there were eight phone calls and everyone said, I idea where that is, who that is. I've never dialed that number. I've never. So like someone broke into the house and called Temecula over and over again. Just a lot of like, yeah, highlighting.

[F]

Highlighter.

[B]

Highlighter. Whatever happened to highlighter?

[F]

That was a big thing.

[C]

I had the benefit of having an Italian roommate. He was dual citizenship, Italian American. So the 20$25 phone call to Bologna, it was easy to figure out.

[B]

Easy to figure out.

[E]

Did you ever have a rotary phone, Adam, growing up?

[B]

Yes. Yeah, we had. We, we were so, so downtrodden. My house, I grew up in the barn, as it was called by everybody. It's a hundred year old house in North Hollywood. The phone, we didn't even have jacks. The phone had a cord, but it was hardwired into the wall. Oh, wow. Like you couldn't.

[E]

Like the old party lines.

[B]

Yeah, you couldn't. You could walk around, but only so far. You couldn't unplug it and then plug it into another jack. We didn't have phone jacks in our house. House. They were just wired to the thing. We didn't have, as you know. All right, we didn't. We had a dishwasher, but it was on casters and rolled around in the kitchen. And the footprint of the dishwasher was 32% of the kitchen's footprint. So that was an insane thing. We had a washing machine and no dryer. And in my bedroom was the washing machine and the meter and the water heater. So I slept over. It was probably, technically illegal. I'm sure you can die of carbon monoxide poisoning. If the water heaters, if the flame blows out on the water, the pilot light or something, you'd probably just die in your sleep. But I had the water heater. I slept on the service porch. I had a water. I'll show you a picture of my room. You guys can all get. That's your room. My room was a porch. My room was a gut goddamn service porch. If you look up the ceiling are two by fours with just lighting. That's just like screwed onto the two by four. It's like when they make not even prison movies, but foreign prison movies. U.S. prisons don't. They don't scoop that low. You got to go to somewhere in eastern bloc country to get to that. Or Manila or something.

[E]

These are pictures of somebody who's been held captive for decades and they've finally been rescued.

[C]

Is this still from the movie room?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Well, let me.

[E]

She had way more space than this.

[B]

Let me. Let me just try to paint the picture. The room I lived in was a service porch that ended up getting sort of enclosed. The ceiling was just two by fours, and if you looked up, you just saw plywood. And here's a real classy thing. The nails popping through from the tar paper that was laid down, the roofing nails poking through. Now, I had a big back door. For some stupid reason, it was a metal back door. And the picture, you guys can see it. Adam crawled down. It's a picture. The house is torn down now. All the shelves and books and junk that's in there now showed up after I cleared out of the room. My bed was in the right hand corner between the wall and the door, which left about 28 inches of space. I had like a hot mattress also. No heat and no air. There was no vent. There was no heat and there was no air. There was no vent. There's no anything. It was just a room roof and a slab on the ground and just windows and no insulation or anything. So it's like whatever the temperature was outside. If it was cold, it was cold. If it was hot, it was hot. No fans, no space heaters, no anything. Just sleep on a cot in this stupid room in the back.

[E]

I'm sorry, Adam, we can't hear you over your privilege.

[B]

My wife. I love it when people explain to me about my white privilege. That's what favorite part. The water heater, the washing machine, and the meter are all to the left. And so the meter looks like. Like Beverly Hillbillies. No, no, like Green Acres. The meter guy be like, come around the back door. The back door was tin. And he'd be like. Like, hello, meter guy. Like, all right. And open the door. And the meter guy would walk into my bedroom, and then he'd open the closet, and the meter was against the wall because that used to be the out. That used to be the back of the house. That was the outside of the house. Now, obviously, nobody pulled a permit or anything, because you can't build a structure. You can't build your house around the meter. You have to relocate. You have to pull a permit. And move the meter.

[F]

But, Adam, this. This is a form of abuse, correct?

[A]

Look at that.

[E]

Yeah, this is.

[B]

You could have called.

[F]

You could have called the cops.

[E]

You could have called child services.

[B]

Yeah, we didn't have a phone with a child. This would have been distant.

[F]

Definitely would have been on cnn for sure.

[B]

It was awesome living in that shed back there. And, yeah, whatever the temp was inside or outside is just whatever the temp was inside. And my sister's room was smaller.

[H]

How.

[B]

How did you get smaller than the closet? No, her room wasn't. Her room was tall and small. I think her room about the same size. She had a room. I had, like, the service porch. And then my mom had this. It was such a weird house. It had two front doors, which is totally weird, right next to each other. And then my mom. What the fuck? We're looking at this.

[F]

That is the stupidest house.

[B]

It has two front doors.

[F]

It's like the Laverne and Shirley episode where they open it, they both smack the doors.

[C]

I.

[H]

The.

[B]

The. The. The thought. The only thought about the two front doors is, back in the day, this house is a hundred and something years old. Back in the day, guys would have, like, a doctor's office or something, like in their house, or dental office or bookkeeper or something. And so, like, one door was to the house, and the other door is, like, to a room, which ended up being my stepdad's room, who slept on a sofa. And that room. Room. And then my mom's bedroom had two doors going into it, which was weird, too. Like, one side, one in the other, just another, more just sort of crazy. Bad design. And like I. Like I said, the backyard looks fun. Well, me and Max Apata walked around it and took pictures long after everything moved out.

[F]

Was there a yard?

[B]

This is Adam's room. Like, that's the outside of it.

[C]

That's Adam's room.

[B]

The entire width of. Of my room's like, five and a half feet or something.

[C]

You see a bed in a little area between the door.

[B]

Not a bed. Not a bed as you know it. A bed like Pepillon slept in. I was gonna say it was like a cot mattress. You would have, like, a miniature between the door and the wall is about 28 inches. And that's where my bed was.

[C]

A twin mattress would not work there.

[B]

No, not at all. No, no. It was always miniature, too.

[E]

Luxury.

[B]

Always. Always a miniature cotton swapulence cot mattress. Yeah, it was awesome. It was awesome.

[F]

But it made you the man you are now with this beautiful head. Of hair.

[B]

But every Saturday night, we'd all gather in the living room and not play music. That's right. And then we'd all go back to our rooms.

[E]

I know the kids.

[B]

The good news is my mom would lock herself in a room and you'll freak out as loud as she could. So that made it all worthwhile.

[E]

Cheery.

[B]

It was awesome.

[E]

I know the kids don't give a shit, but do they at least understand that this is where you come from?

[B]

They have. They. That's the worst of my time. There is no my. The last conversation I had with my. My daughter last night was when we're building a new house and we have an. We have an elevator. I don't want one with a door. I want one with the doors that come open and then come close in the middle. Like, you know, like you do like in a building. Like a hotel or something. Can we have that kind of thing? And then lots of. Lot of negotiating for a lazy river. It's like. But why can't the pool have a lazy river? It needs a lazy river. How are we going to get around the pool?

[E]

Storage closet?

[F]

You want me to walk to the.

[B]

Pool, dad, you suck. Yeah, I should have a gondolier take me to the pool like you did. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. Look, here's the thing. Here's the thing.

[F]

Here's the thing, dad. You want me to walk to the fucking pool?

[B]

Hey, listen, Sonny. No, you listen to me, dad.

[F]

All my other friends get to float to their pool.

[B]

Your hormones. These hormones have not. You do not wear them well, Sonny. I miss the old Sonny. Now. Relax.

[F]

Sucks.

[B]

Dad, here's what I've figured out. I need lotion. Whether it's talking to my kids about growing up without anything or talking to Glenn Washington about not having white. White privilege, there is no convincing the guy who went to Michigan and then went to law school at Harvard or whatever. There is no convincing him. And there's no convincing my kids. Where I come from and how I grew up. There is. No, there's just. They don't. They don't accept it. Which is weird because it's documented.

[E]

Yeah, but they're living their truth.

[B]

They're living their truth, which is bullshit. Yes, it's awesome, but. And as I said, ultimately that house sold for like 680 grand and was immediately bulldozed. Bulldoze. And houses in the valley aren't that much that you could pay 700 grand for a house and literally bulldoze that house. They literally bulldoze it. And didn't have a big lot. Yeah, yeah. It's good times, though. All right.

[E]

I did like childhood.

[B]

Awesome. All right, where was I? Phil Rosenthal's out there. We got to get going. First, let me tell you about Beachbody On Demand online fitness streaming service. Unlimited access to a variety of effective world class workouts. Personalized to your needs, plus nutritional content. Convenient, accessible. Do it on your computer. On your computer. It's web enabled. Tv, tablet, smartphone, any other web enabled device. And you don't need to go to the gym. Your personal online trainer will put you through your paces. Man, annual subscriptions, much cheaper than a gym. Membership programs for any level of fitness. Cardio, weight training, yoga, low impact, even dance. That's my thing. It's the only time I feel like I'm alive. Over 600 different workouts. And right now my listeners get a free trial. So give it a free trial. Membership go to Adam. So when you text, you get a free trial. Adam to 30. 30, 30. That's three 30s in a row. That's full. Access all the workouts, nutrition information for free. Try it out for free. Adam, text Adam the 30. 30, 30. Yeah. Real quick. Speaking of a weird. I had a weird. You know what my dream was last night? What? My dream was? I was doing Dancing with the Stars. One of the other participants was Judith Light from.

[E]

Oh, from Transparent. Yeah.

[B]

She's the boss. Or who's the boss? Or who's the boss? Who's the boss? Who's the boss?

[F]

Before.

[B]

Back in a minute. And she. And she died. Samantha.

[E]

She died.

[B]

In my dream, she was dead. But the show needed to go on.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had no idea what my dance routine was. Although it involved a kiss somewhere in the middle. And then we freestyled, which I thought, this is never going to work out because I can't freestyle or kiss. And then at some point, mercifully, I woke up and I thought, great, Judith Light is still alive. But more importantly, which is the worst part? I don't have to dance. More importantly, well, let's be faced. We are all wired to be narcissists. All right, Jo Coy, everybody. The special from Seattle. Live from Seattle. Amazing at the Moore Theater. We're gonna be at the Moore Theater coming up before the cruise. Right. So you can get your tickets early for that.

[F]

Best theater ever.

[B]

Love that theater. The Koypon is obviously the name of the podcast. Joe Koy J o k o y.com is where you go. Phil Rosenthal, one of our favorites. Phil reminded we gotta ask him about his Taco rankings. So when all all that good stuff we'll also do will Brian eat it from the other shop as well? First we'll take a break, then some good sports. And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew on the Adam Corolla show. Dateline, Charleston, South Carolina. A 2026 year old woman was arrested for harassing a pair of carriage horses while dressed as a dinosaur. Definitely not a Jew. Phil Rosenthal in studio.

[G]

Definitely a Jew.

[B]

Definitely a Jewish. Somebody feed Phil the new show. It's awesome. I'll tell you about that in a second. First, I'll thank our sponsors. Tommy John for sponsoring this half of the show. Go to tommyjohn.com am get the best pair you'll ever wear and 20% off. And simply safe visit simplysafe.com am get the 247 protection. Just 15 bucks a month. Tell you more about that. Congratulations, Phil, Phil, A for following your muse and your trip Truth. And then B, you had the show and then it went away and you've revamped it and it's better than ever.

[G]

Oh, thanks.

[B]

It's unbelievable.

[G]

I am living the dream. I have to say. It's a lovely thing. I recommend it. Living the dream.

[B]

I just do Phil's dream, pretty much your own. It may not involve parts unknown. Saigon, Bangkok, Tel Aviv, Mexico City, Lisbon, New Orleans and all the food. And Phil is so funny on his feet. And the only knock on the show is it's just you're gonna gain 20 pounds. Cause you watch it and you go, I'm hungry, I want to go get some.

[G]

But it's really designed to get you off the couch. I want you to travel.

[B]

Yeah, I want to travel. Right.

[G]

I know the food and hopefully whatever humor there is is just to entice you, just to seduce you.

[B]

Give me quickly your taco rankings. Now here's the taco rankings rule. Not a special taco that you know of or any of that. It's simply I'm going on a taco run. Yeah, it's to a taco place that's fair to Midland. It's not great, it's not bad, Whatever. I'm just getting tacos and let's go with the order. You put the order of it'll be chicken, beef or pork carnitas. You tell me the power rank rankings just at any given taco place, I'm going on a taco run.

[G]

So those of us in the food game, we have a saying, pork wins. It's that simple. There is no more flavorful meat.

[B]

I Agree. I get the. I will do beef in a I don't know where you're going safety move. But. But if I'm. That's a. That's a hit. A double move for me. Pork is a home run, but it can also. You can foul it off your. Your shin as well.

[G]

Anything you can.

[B]

Right.

[G]

Any meat.

[B]

So your power rankings are pork.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

And then I go chicken.

[B]

Oh, no. I do.

[E]

Oh, there it is.

[G]

No, because I think the chances of that shank going left are greater with beef for me because you overcook beef and you're dead.

[C]

All right, you're putting in place.

[B]

Let me rephrase. Let me rephrase. Yeah, you know the place and you know the place is good. What is your rank? Because there's too much of like, I could get botulism or I could get this or it could be burnt. It's going to be a decent taco and it'll be a safe taco. Power rankings. Pork.

[G]

Pork always. And then. Yes, if the beef is good and you know, they cook it right. Yes. Second.

[C]

Yeah, that criteria changes it because if you know it's high quality ingredients.

[B]

No, no, no. The criteria is always it's a good taco. Yes. We can't have the. What if the thing has fecal matter in it? Like, we can't go down there. It's just. It's a good taco place or good enough taco place.

[G]

Bringing up the Dodger dog.

[B]

I don't know why I. Fecal matter. So you have, you have pork, beef, chicken as your power rankings.

[G]

Most people would do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

I mean, if health was not a concern.

[E]

Right.

[B]

Okay. Now. And you can't go it's burnt or it's dry swear. Okay. The hot dog, we hate the Dodger dog.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of controversy about the grilled versus the kind of steamed. I like them. I like the snap of the casing and that kind of stuff. That's my favorite kind of dog.

[G]

Should be on a grilled dog as well. Should have a snap.

[B]

Okay, so how do you like them? What is. What is your good dog?

[G]

I think I kind of like the grilled taste. You know, that little char on.

[B]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[G]

I love that.

[B]

I like. I think I like them steamed better.

[G]

Like on an all a griddle. So good. Right.

[B]

So where do you go around here for a dog? What's your dog around here?

[G]

You know, Nate. Nate now has a special hot dog that's apparently very big in the. In the top Hollywood people, they order them for Their fancy parties. It's the Nate now it's called the special.

[B]

Uh huh.

[G]

And it's good. It's really, really good.

[B]

What do we put on a dog?

[G]

You know, I used to manage a deli in New York.

[B]

Oh, that's right. That's right.

[G]

So I discovered I'm mustard sauerkraut. I mean, I love that.

[B]

Yes, me too.

[G]

But I discovered something. Tell me if you ever did this people. Coleslaw on the doll.

[B]

Love it, love it. How great is that? It's great.

[E]

It's so Southern. Coleslaw as a condiment for burgers and hot dogs.

[B]

Yes.

[G]

Or you know, we put it on a deli sandwich.

[B]

It's awesome.

[G]

Right? But man on a hot dog, I'm.

[B]

Telling you, coleslaw, any sandwich, just anything that coleslaw finds its way onto. Like, you know those things where, where you used to play when you're a kid. We'd be like, how much to blow Mr. Johnson, our PE teacher? Be like no amount of money. And then like, okay, I'd do it for a million bucks. Yeah. If I could put coleslaw.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

On that guy's dick, we could knock down half price, by the way.

[G]

I'll go one step further.

[B]

I'll pay you.

[G]

I would do it for coleslaw.

[B]

Do it for coleslaw. Do I get coleslaw after I'm in. It's like we're in a Jewish prison. Yes. You want cigarettes now, But I need coast coleslaw now. What's a guy gotta do? Deli prison, not dinners. Deli. Yeah. Was it at Carnegie Deli or was it another deli that, oh, that you manage P.J.

[G]

Bernstein'S. It's still there. 70th and third in New York. And I loved it. It was my deli when I was 21 years old. It was like the owner got drunk and went away at 3 o'.

[H]

Clock.

[G]

And from 3 to closing, like 11, it was Phil's Deli. It was my deli. I gained 15 pounds.

[B]

Deli is the best. It's the best food. But it's always seems the thing about deli is it's the best, but it's always more expensive. So if you're poor, it's always. You always end up getting a in and out burger instead of a pastrami. And it's always a little out of range for me. I don't know, wherever I am, I gotta move amongst the Jews because I always feel like. Because if you want to go to the good one, that's on the other side of the. You know, like, there's always. There's a schlep involved and some money involved. And for that, it's probably twice a year for me.

[G]

Have you been to Langers?

[C]

I was just gonna say since you had it on your last show. Christy and I have been multiple times. The pastrami sandwich there is. Everything's cracked up to.

[G]

Best in the United States.

[B]

That's in the United States. Anything in New York, and that's downtown.

[G]

It's like Echo park and Alvarado.

[B]

We get the same thing in Alvarado. I'll meet you there.

[G]

You say when?

[B]

I love it.

[G]

It's so good.

[C]

In about an hour.

[G]

Yeah. No, the pastrami is great. And there's good pastrami in New York, obviously. Katz's death.

[B]

Deli.

[G]

Other delis. But the bread, the rye bread. The bread is half the sandwich. Don't forget the bread.

[C]

Pizza. Are you a purist when it comes to Reuben's? Do you do corned beef or do you pastrami?

[B]

Oh, that's a good question.

[C]

I like pastrami, but I don't like corned beef.

[B]

Ah, you don't like corned beef.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[E]

That's the only thing I miss about beef.

[G]

So if you see my New Orleans show, I went to a place that made a vegetarian Reuben, and I said, I'm not interested. And they said, try it. And they used collard greens that had been soaked down, and they put that instead of the meat. I swear to God. I know, it sounds crazy. It was as good as a regular. I did not miss the meat.

[B]

Brian doesn't like corned beef. I love corned beef sandwich. That's pastrami. Answer.

[G]

I'm turkey and the wolf.

[C]

I find it extreme weird, though I'm sure the best corned beef I would find.

[E]

Okay, there's some challah and monster.

[C]

Don't love it.

[B]

All right, so somebody feed Phil. Season one available now on Netflix. I think we have a clip to play. Or do we?

[C]

Oh, we're gonna play that during Will Brian.

[B]

We're gonna play the clips during Will Brian. So Brian from the other shop is here. We'll bring him in.

[G]

I met him outside. He seems like a lovely, strange person.

[C]

You're half right.

[D]

Here he is.

[G]

Hi, Brian.

[C]

How's it going?

[B]

Hi, Brian.

[G]

Now, I think I've heard this before where there's certain things he won't eat, like he won't drink water.

[C]

Staples he has a problem with.

[B]

Yeah, he's very picky, but it can be confusing, and there will be things he will like.

[E]

He'll throw ya.

[B]

Yeah. Brian, what are you working on on the other shop?

[G]

Right now I am finalizing all the.

[C]

Footage on Willie T. Ribs, so that's.

[G]

About 95% done, and I'm working on the final 5%. And then you're an editor.

[B]

No, what are you?

[G]

I'm the production manager over there.

[B]

So a movie for Phil's house will be Willie T. Ribs, the first black race car driver.

[G]

I'm excited to see that.

[C]

It's excellent.

[B]

It's very good. And I think you'll like it. It's got a nice theme to it and just about done, right, Brian?

[C]

We're so close. Probably within the next two weeks, we'll.

[G]

Be sending it off to color correction.

[B]

And all that stuff.

[G]

Color correction. No small thing.

[B]

So we'll put that on the calendar as well as heading over to. Is it like Langers?

[E]

Langers.

[B]

Langers, please. All right, so we'll bet on this. And we're gonna use food from Phil's episodes, right? From the clips from the show.

[C]

Indeed.

[G]

Oh, so he's not physically eating anything.

[B]

Oh, he normally does, but we figured, let's get somebody feed Phil clips, and we'll show him that. Okay. Little cross promotion. You got it. Brian.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

We have an interrupt.

[F]

Because he's picking. His lunch is plain.

[B]

Cheerio. Jones eats pizza without cheese because he's. Brian's pissed off at most food.

[F]

He must have a mental disease.

[B]

Will Brian eat it?

[G]

I can't imagine anyone not liking this except my parents.

[B]

Pizza, lettuce, and corn dogs. Those are foods he likes, dislikes, just so you can sort of calibrate yourself. Sliced bread, yogurt, spaghetti. Wow. All things sliced bread.

[G]

It really is like water. You don't drink like that. All right, this will be very interesting.

[C]

The humor isn't suggesting with those three things each that can calibrate yourself somehow, but it's all over the map.

[E]

There's no rhyme or reason.

[G]

Can I go all in before we even start and say he's not gonna like anything on my show?

[B]

Well, I don't know. He will. He will cross you up.

[G]

Okay, let's see.

[C]

Brian, where are you from?

[G]

Sorry, I'm from Massachusetts. Okay.

[E]

Yeah, that helped.

[C]

Strange seafood or something. An Italian from Massachusetts hate spaghetti, and I hate, hate spaghetti.

[B]

All right, let's play it.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

All right. Phil went to Bangkok and he tried chicken skin. Let's check out the clip.

[G]

And what's that?

[B]

Chicken movie. Oh, chicken movie. It's A chicken movie. That's my favorite movie. No idea what that is.

[G]

It used to be the Godfather. No, it's not a chicken movie.

[B]

It's Christmas. Is that why it's got a little cocktail stick through it?

[G]

The chicken passes through and they take chicken. Right or right off the machine.

[B]

It's a vaporized chicken. Yeah, vaporized chicken. Chicken skin. Sounds awesome, Vinnie.

[G]

Like chicken skin.

[B]

All right.

[G]

I used to fight my brother over the chicken skin, right?

[B]

So it's great when it's crispy. It's great when it's crispy and sng. But now, see, Brian, you go, it's bad. But I think my kids would like that.

[E]

Yeah, it's just the crispy fried part.

[B]

I'm gonna say no just because it's something. Sounds a little exotic. Yeah, Phil.

[G]

I'm gonna say yes. Nobody I've ever met doesn't like chicken skin.

[B]

All right, I'm ready for fair.

[E]

I think chicken skin on its own has a major gross out factor for Brian. So I'm gonna say definitely not.

[B]

All right? So I say no, no, no and a yes.

[C]

So Phil's the only yes.

[B]

Phil's the only yes.

[G]

I remain optimistic.

[B]

Okay, Brian, chicken skin is great. It's the best part of the fucking chicken. What the fuck is going you.

[C]

We don't like chicken skin.

[B]

Oh, we love chicken skin. We don't think you like chicken skin because it's something.

[G]

Doesn't that look good, the crispy one?

[B]

Oh, it's great.

[C]

I wanna.

[B]

I wanna put that in and around.

[G]

My mouth right now. That's it, Brian.

[B]

Well, there you go. This why you have to play the game.

[G]

Maybe I take Brian a. Langer.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's hang out. All right, number two item. Phil went to Mexico City to try an al pastor taco.

[E]

Oh.

[G]

Taste even better when they're filled with pork. So I meet back up with Bill to try t al pastor at a little hole in the wall called el huito.

[B]

Tacos. Dosi dos. Taking it right off the spit. Is that just pork piled high?

[E]

Yes.

[G]

Wait a minute.

[B]

It's great.

[G]

Is it particularly great today or this is how it is every day?

[B]

Every day. Come on.

[E]

What?

[B]

Pork chocolates. I'd like to do this kind. You know, they do. They like the. You know, we're talking about the muse following it. I like to do the same show, but for sex tourism. Oh, yeah. I literally just go to parts unknown, find a guide, get balls deep and so on, and then we go off to somewhere else.

[C]

Is it like this every day?

[B]

Yeah. I go, this is awesome. This is the best. And then. Then see if we can top it in the next city.

[C]

Mexico City. Whether it's Greek food or this or piled high on. On the spit is fantastic.

[G]

So in Mexico City, that thing on the spit, right? I said, you know, it's a lot like shawarma in the Middle East. And of course, the spit came from the Middle east to Mexico. It was lamb in the Middle east and Mexico.

[B]

Everyone should just do tacos. Why would you do tacos any other way than that shawarma thing?

[G]

Yes, that's right.

[B]

Why just do it this way.

[G]

I gotta tell you that if you like a food, if you like tacos in la, go to Mexico City, have it at the source. It is so much better.

[B]

We get 20 minutes for lunch, though. That's kind of the bummer around here.

[G]

It's a few hours. It's very quick.

[B]

I have these guys, I give them 20 minutes for lunch, and they have to eat standing up. Those are my only two. My only two rules.

[G]

But doesn't that look good?

[B]

It looks amazing. All right, so, Brian, tacos. El pastor taco. Yeah. What does el pastor mean?

[C]

That's another kind of pork, right?

[B]

Marinated pork. Marinated pork. All right, It's a pork. I will. I'll just put a pork taco.

[G]

Yes, there.

[B]

Okay. A pork taco. I say no.

[C]

I say no to it. There's a lot going on here.

[E]

Is he gonna throw us off and be like, I love pork. I hate tortillas?

[B]

Like, if could be that. There could be that.

[G]

If he doesn't like bread.

[B]

That's a very real possibility.

[G]

But here's what I'm gonna say. Because he liked the chicken skin, and it's kind of a salty, crispy thing that. That looks like if you like chicken skin, you're gonna like that. So I'm saying yes again.

[B]

Yes again.

[E]

I'm saying no. There's too many elements. He won't eat it.

[G]

I will not eat that.

[C]

Sorry. Not in a million years.

[G]

The only good taco ever, Jack in the Box, is the nice taco in the world.

[H]

In the world.

[E]

Pain is popping.

[C]

This looks like your invite to Langers is off the table.

[E]

Out of the question.

[C]

The invite to Jack in the Box.

[B]

On the table.

[C]

He was.

[G]

Jack in the Box is the only food. I swear to God that I threw.

[B]

Up from this, by the way. This isn't mean Brian. This is regular Brian. You had nice brine before. This is. This is old Brian.

[G]

I appreciate his baseline, but maybe he Needs, like, some kind of mri or.

[B]

It's possible I can talk to Drew about getting some sort of, like, functional brain scan or something. Yeah. Went back in August.

[G]

Why?

[C]

Spinal shit?

[B]

Are you okay?

[C]

No.

[B]

Did you find some sort of growth that affects your ability to.

[C]

He was diving out of the way of an El Pastora taco. He twisted his back.

[G]

I'm sorry. Brian.

[B]

Are you all right?

[G]

Let Brian have his opinions.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

I see.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Brian is trying to live his truth.

[B]

All right, so what are we. We're all one. All tied up. Here we go. Back in Bangkok, Phil tried mango.

[G]

The mango. This is the king to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

This is, like, creamy and sweet and no.

[B]

No fiber.

[H]

Wow.

[G]

I'm talking about melt in your mouth.

[B]

That's that really killer song.

[G]

They actually made the poster from that moment. I'm telling you.

[B]

And now what?

[H]

Is.

[B]

Is there something that's different about their mangoes?

[G]

When you eat a mango from here or from Mexico, there's a certain fibrousness. You get the strings in your teeth.

[B]

Right? Yeah.

[G]

This is cream. It's almost like just, like, creamy pudding. You can't even believe. And it tastes, like, 10 times better. It's hard to believe because I think mango's king of fruit. Anyway. I love a mango.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Delicious.

[C]

Delicious.

[G]

This all the fruit in Thailand. It's where fruit goes to, like, party. They love the tropical climate. They love. They thrive. You see fruits you never saw before. Mangosteen. You ever have that?

[E]

Did you try a durian?

[G]

I did.

[E]

What'd you think?

[G]

Loved it.

[H]

Oh, wow.

[C]

I did.

[G]

I was expecting it to be the limburger cheese of fruit.

[E]

It doesn't taste bad. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know what that is.

[E]

It's been banned from most public places, from hotels, because the is, like, onions and tires and skunk.

[B]

Oh, really?

[C]

Really?

[G]

I swear to God, if you can get past that.

[E]

The taste is not bad, but maybe.

[G]

There'S certain kinds, and I had a nice one, because I did not smell that.

[E]

Oh, wow. Okay. All right, Back to the mango.

[G]

Okay, but mango, That's a durian.

[B]

We're looking at that. Durian. Yeah. All right, so. But.

[G]

But mango.

[B]

I'm telling you, it's the greatest.

[G]

Nobody doesn't like it.

[E]

Well.

[A]

Well.

[B]

I gotta go.

[C]

No.

[B]

It seems too exotic.

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

No, no.

[C]

No way.

[G]

Can I ask a question before I vote?

[B]

Mm.

[G]

Do you like fruit in general or certain fruits?

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Okay. He's got to like a mango.

[B]

All right. Say yes.

[E]

There's no way he'll eat a mango.

[B]

All right, we got three no's and a very optimistic Phil Rosenthal. Here we go. I would absolutely eat a mango. Yay. He's back.

[G]

He's back, he's back. They dropped him on his head again.

[B]

And now he's good. Yeah. Like in Gillian's island, if he got hit again with a coconut.

[G]

You need to always, always be hit an even number of times to get back to writing.

[B]

It's gotta be the worst message you could send, which is head trauma. It rattles you, and it's rattles you. But if. More head trauma. Ask anyone who's been in the NFL. You'll go right back to being a genius. All right, let's do one more. I think Phil's ahead anyway, but let's just do. Let's just. You got one more, Chris? Yeah. Yeah, we can do one more. In Bangkok, Phil ate a crab omelet.

[G]

Oh, that's a lot of crab.

[B]

That's a lot of crab.

[G]

Come on. I think I'm in love.

[B]

That's a huge amount of crap. I think it has the meat of two or three crabs.

[G]

It's like a pound and a half and so interesting.

[B]

And it's like street food.

[F]

Right.

[B]

They do it right into the oil, submerge it. They do the eggs and the crab into the oil.

[E]

Deep fried omelet.

[B]

What kind of oil?

[G]

And then they keep layering egg on it.

[B]

I think she's pouring more egg on it.

[G]

And the more you turn it.

[B]

Until.

[C]

You get a football filling.

[B]

Crab. Wow.

[G]

And at the end of the day, what you get is a. Here it is basically a football filled with crab.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

It's like a chimichanga.

[G]

So that's a $25 item, and that's a street food. But here, that would be $80.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[G]

Because it would be prohibitive to make because there's so much fresh crab in it.

[B]

The woman was wearing ski goggles.

[H]

She was.

[B]

Who made it? And I am down with any food where they have to goggle up.

[G]

She looks like Snoopy going off to fight the Red Baron.

[B]

Yes. When I. If you go to a good, like, smoker place where they show up at, like, the county fair and the guy's got the thing going. He's standing there in the goggles, too. Anything that involves goggles and food, I'm down.

[G]

This woman is 73 years old, been doing it all her life. She just won a Michelin Star for her street food.

[E]

It's incredible.

[G]

That's on. Unheard of.

[E]

All right, so two delicious, rich Decadent ingredients. Crab and egg.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. What's the problem with Brian is your default setting is just no. Because it's something. But you gotta mix it up a little bit. And maybe he's from the area, Right? Bostonian guy loves crab. And he might look. And I'm gonna say yes.

[H]

Wow.

[C]

No way.

[E]

Oh, God. What do you think, Phil?

[G]

I'm gonna say no only because this one is exotic. It looks exotic. And, you know, it's got a seafood omelet. Not everybody likes that. And crab omelette. I'm thinking if he likes things.

[B]

Trying to win.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm trying to tie Phil.

[E]

I'm going against my instinct. But it's only two ingredients. How hard could this be? I'll say. He'll eat it.

[B]

Okay, so two yeses, two nos. Brian. Yeah, I totally try that. That looks great. Are you kidding me? Eggs.

[C]

Eggs are fantastic.

[B]

Fantastic.

[C]

Crab's fine.

[B]

Deep fried. This is why you have to play the game. All right? I know it's. I know we're all tied up, but I'm happy to be tied up. And we'll call the day.

[G]

We'll bring it up now.

[B]

You know, will Brian eat it? He's leaving. He's gotta work back at the other shop. He's on the clock.

[G]

I like that.

[D]

He does.

[G]

Is that. This is what I'll eat. This is what I won't eat. Okay, good.

[B]

That's right. All right. So Brian's heading back to finish off Willie T. And I'll tell you guys about Tommy John. Start the new year right. Upgrade those uncomfortable underwear with Tommy John. Unparalleled comfort. Innovative designs, patented fabrics. Never rides up. Waistband never rolls down. It is just the best. You'll never get a wedgie. Socks that stay up, they got the second skin tees, so they're soft. The undershirts stay tucked in. They're undershirts. They're not a shirt you wear under your other shirt. They're undershirts. They're like bespoke undershirts. They stay tucked in. The socks stay up. The underpants are great. Especially if you're moving around. You're traveling around. Next time, Phil, go with Tommy Shop.

[G]

I haven't tried it.

[B]

They're the best.

[G]

Do you have any in the office?

[B]

We probably got something around here. We'll give you a parting gift.

[G]

Swag.

[B]

They're all best. All backed by the best pair you'll ever wear. Or it's free. Guaranteed. Tommy John. No adjustment needed. Tommy John dawson. Hurry to tommyjohn.com Adam to get 20% off your first order. That's tommyjohn.com Adam for 20% off. Tommyjohn.com Adam, Brian, your dinner store. We're waiting for Phil for your dinner story.

[C]

So I think Christy reached out to you and asked, like before Christmas. I was like, hey, Phil, want to get something cool for Brian for Christmas? They get like a fun food thing. Any good ideas? And Phil said, try the rogue experience. Christy's like, what's that? And it's so Wolfgang Puck. He has, of course, you know, his restaurant Spaga, which actually I'd never been to, but he has a whole food empire, right. Restaurants all over the world. Fast, quick service places. Yeah. The stuff in stores.

[H]

Yeah.

[C]

And he has, of course, the corporate offices.

[G]

Right.

[C]

Because he has a fast empire. And at the corporate offices, he has a test kitchen where he invites his chefs from around the world to come and do a week of residency there and basically kind of be creative, let your mind flow and experiment and do crazy things with food and come up with some of kind good ideas. And then at the end of the week or throughout the week, they do like a couple of eight person dinners, like private dinners, where you go and you get, you taste what these chefs have done over the course of the week.

[G]

And you sit at a counter.

[C]

And you sit at a counter. We got pictures here. Yeah, they sit at a counter. There's eight chefs for eight people. I mean, they have pastry chefs and sous chefs and people who are, you know, executive chefs over here and a chef de cuisine over there. And they're all collaborating, they're all coming up with crazy.

[G]

And they're cooking right in front of you. They're cooking on the other side of the counter.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And it's such a cool experience that you have that, you know, one on one attention. And everyone's explaining. That's Wolfgang Puck's son explaining to us one of the things he made that.

[E]

Like a sugar wisp thing.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, they make, they, they make the sugar and then it dries. And we're looking. You see the pictures, I'm sure in Adam corolla.com But the presentation is half the, you know, half the thing. The other half is these crazy combinations of food. And it's once in a lifetime experience. One because the price. But number two, because who, who does this? You know, this is one of those experiences.

[G]

Sure is fun.

[C]

It was very cool. Thank you for recommending it to us.

[G]

So glad you had a good time.

[B]

How much is it?

[C]

How much was it? Because you can Opt in for the wine pairing, too.

[E]

Careful, he's gonna kill Christie.

[C]

No, it was a few hundred bucks per person. A couple hundred.

[B]

I'm gonna say I got 175.

[C]

But there's no wine pairing.

[G]

Well, sure, if you want. If you want to drink it.

[B]

And how far in advance do you have to lock it in?

[C]

We did it about a month in advance, depending on, you know, because they do, I think, on Wednesdays and Fridays or something like that. So a little less on Wednesdays.

[G]

I'm lucky enough that I've gotten to have experiences like this now. It's only meaningful if it's delicious.

[H]

Yes.

[C]

Otherwise, it's just.

[B]

It's all delicious.

[G]

It has to be delicious. That's the bottom line of any restaurant.

[B]

I. I agree. I. That that's the only thing that.

[C]

From Spago, who was doing the food was great.

[B]

Only thing that worries me in these situations, that it's going to be a lot of presentation, but not a lot of, oh, this is awesome when you're biting into it. So that's what scares me about that in general. Yes.

[C]

My first instinct was it was going to be a fun experience. I'm like, oh, we're going to go watch them try some experimental stuff. Oh, it was, in fact, one of the things. So we were so inspired. We went to Spago a week later.

[G]

I'd ever been very underrated restaurant, great restaurants.

[C]

And one of the things from that night had made it onto the menu.

[G]

That's right. That's why they're doing it.

[B]

It was so awesome.

[G]

It's very smart.

[B]

You know, I want to do that coffee table book. What black people think white people talk about all day.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This will be a chapter. And then they did that, and it made it. And we were. So the next night, we're in Spago, and it made it all onto the menu.

[C]

It made it on the regular menu.

[B]

It's going right in the book.

[G]

There's a restaurant right now in LA that's getting a lot of notoriety because it's very experimental and wild. And the building is wild. Everything's wild. Wild about it. And everyone I talked to, I said, how's the food? And they go, it's not really about the food. I said, I'm out.

[E]

What's the point?

[B]

Right. I'm with you. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll come back with the news right after this. Give me the news with drag news.

[F]

With Gino Grad breaking viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me news With Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle east so let's every drunk meltdown sneak News with Gina.

[H]

Gina.

[B]

The news with Gina Grad.

[E]

Well, the SAG Awards were Sunday night and Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri, this Is Us and Veep and Big Little Lies were the big winners. Again, the show put the spotlight on women with nearly all female presenters and Kristen Bell serving as the ceremony's first ever host. Morgan Freeman received the Life Achievement Award. And the show opened with Alice and Janney, Tracy, Ellen Ross, Ellis Ross, Excuse me, might be a typo. And Stranger Things. Millie Bobby Brown delivering short, very sincere speeches about how they all became actors. And then. And then Kristen Bell gave one as well. Here's a clip of her final speech delivered right before she walked on stage. When I was young, I used to record Disney movies on my cassette player.

[B]

I would sing every lyric in the.

[E]

Disney canon, knowing and believing that one day I would be a part of that magic. I am Kristen Bell and I am a narcissist.

[H]

Sorry.

[E]

I am an actor.

[B]

And tonight I'm also your host.

[G]

That's a perfect joke.

[E]

It was a funny opening. Yeah.

[B]

I did not see it. Watching football with the straight dudes.

[E]

Oh, yeah, that's right. The SAG Awards of sports was on as well.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Allison Janney.

[B]

I did not see. I've watched half of the Three Billboards, but I have not watched the second half yet.

[G]

Absolutely.

[C]

I liked it. I don't think it was. I don't know if it's the best picture of the year, but it's a very good movie.

[E]

I treat it as such.

[G]

Yes. I have some tone problems with it. Meaning in the story. And then horrible, horrible violence and then.

[C]

Cute things and then wildly. But that's also Martin McDonald's style of filmmaking. He did in Bruges and he did Seven Psychopaths, both of which were similar. They were either super slow, then something crazy happen, like, you know, it's that kind of movie and you got to know what to expect.

[B]

Right.

[G]

But she's amazing.

[B]

The theme seems to be really mean Moms. That's what I've. Hard ass moms out there.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was. There are a couple people on Twitter, I think Paula F. Tompkins and a couple other people were laughing hysterically at her acceptance speech because she gets up there, very serious. Did you see it, Phil?

[G]

The SAG Awards? Yeah, I saw.

[H]

Yeah.

[G]

After we watched our movie.

[C]

Movie.

[G]

I fast forward through that.

[E]

Okay. So she gets up there, very serious tone and gets. And just plants herself and Says, I have some things to say. And everybody starts, you know, whooping and hollering and clapping and then she says, representation. And you think she's going to talk about, you know, gender issues and she just starts thanking all of her agents, just talking about representation.

[B]

She's quaint now, right?

[C]

Very funny. Yeah.

[G]

Literal representation.

[E]

I don't know that she meant it as a joke, but a lot of people are commenting on was she going.

[B]

Like makeup free like she was at the other stuff?

[E]

Yeah, I think that's her thing.

[B]

I think it's a good thing.

[E]

Yeah, she's a funny character.

[B]

She's excellent.

[E]

Yeah. Well, this is a few days old, but we hadn't spoken about it yet. CNN reports that musician Tom Petty indeed died of an accidental drug overdose of several medications, according to a statement his family posted on his website and a news release from the LA County Medical examiner. The family statement said that the 66 year old had suffered a serious hip fracture before his Oct. 2 death. His wife and daughter said, quote, on the day he died, we were informed his hip had graduated to a full on break. And it is our feeling that the pain was simply unbearable and was the cause of his use of medication. And he was still doing all of his dates, he was still touring and in apparently horrific pain. The medical examiner's news release said the autopsy, he found a mix of several opioids, sedatives and antidepressants in his system.

[B]

Yeah, I can always hear Drew on my shoulder going, something. This is long term. This is not. I mean, they paint it like he jacked his hip up so he took a few too many and now he woke up dead. Like, Drew will have a different take on this, but it doesn't really matter. There's an issue with opioids and there's too many people taking them and there's. There's way too, way too many. And then they're mixing them with alcohol and stuff like that. And all these Heath Ledger and all these people are just dead. Prince, they're all just dead because of this combination. And if this was seat belts, there'd be a big campaign about it. Like if Prince and Tom Petty and Heath Ledger and what's her name, Michael Jackson and made. What's her name, the little. What's that little actress? Yeah, Brittany Murphy.

[E]

Was that what that was?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

I think that was a combo. I think that.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

It wasn't natural causes and it wasn't. It did involve a swimming pool.

[E]

I could be wildly off base. And I very well might be, but I thought it was some sort of like carbon leak or something. Am I crazy?

[B]

No, that's her crazy. She had a crazy husband who. Whatever. But we can look it up. The point is this. If this were seat belts, there'd be a huge thing. There'd be like a big campaign. There'd be celebrities doing PSAs. There'd be signs everywhere. They'd be like, we need to. This is a scourge. People going out without their seatbelts on. They're gonna. Getting in a car. It's not really spoken of. And part of the reason it's not spoken of is because the publicists and the family members and the assistants and everything else, when the person is ODing in the bathroom, they don't want to say that they took drugs. They call 911 and go, she's in the bathroom and she seems sick. Did she take anything?

[G]

These are prescription things. And apparently I read that you take these things and you think you're okay and you go off it, and then the pain returns double. And that causes the severe addiction. And then when you can't afford the opioids, this is for regular people, they go to heroin because heroin's cheaper.

[E]

Yeah. And oxycontin. Yeah. Yeah. Brittany Murphy. Apparently you were right. And again, I might be mixing her up. Other comments then?

[B]

Or maybe.

[E]

Well, it says the coroner released a statement that Murphy had been taking a range of over the counter prescription medications with most likely reason to be to treat a cold or respiratory. Respiratory infection. These included, quote, elevated levels of hydrocodone, acetaminophen, L methy, meth, and chlorphenirenamin.

[B]

Well, the point. Look, the point is, is whether.

[G]

But those are all legal.

[B]

A guy sells it to you at the park or you get it at the pharmacist, you. You can OD and it can stop your heart. And it should just be something we focus on a little more.

[E]

Even specifically with Prince, people were saying he had hip issues from wearing high heels all those years because he was.

[B]

Such a tiny guy. I mean, plats, platforms, I guess that's a high heel.

[G]

Lifts.

[B]

Lifts.

[E]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, the AP reports that Congress reopened the government Monday. That's today, as Senate Democrats drop their objections to a temporary funding bill in return for assurances from Republican leaders that they will soon take up immigration issues.

[B]

I never know.

[C]

How do we all get by with.

[B]

The government being shut down?

[G]

I noticed a big difference today when it was.

[B]

I know it's so the clouds parted.

[E]

The birds are singing.

[B]

It is. I once said when I was over at Jimmy Kimmel Live and Daniel Kelson, who I still like to argue with, was the producer of the show at the time, he and I were arguing about something, or he was insulting me, and I just yelled at him, don't show up tomorrow. See if anyone notices. And I was being a dick, but don't argue with a comedian because they're good at being dicks. But I always thought the greatest indictment of anything or anybody or whatever, it's like, literally, don't show up, and we'll just see if we just go along and nobody notices. And I feel the same way with the government. Now, I'm not in the military, but when they shut down, I don't notice anything. So much so that I don't know when they turn off or shut or come back online off chance you pull.

[E]

Up to the gates at Yosemite. Otherwise you wouldn't notice.

[B]

Right. And then we got the bullet train to Modesto. That's gonna have to put that on hold for three days.

[E]

Now, a lot of people say this and pontificate on Facebook and Twitter about it, and I think it makes sense. If the military is sitting around or doing their job and they're not getting paid, why is Congress getting paid?

[H]

Ooh.

[E]

And don't you think that Congress should stop being paid the second they go over time, and then they just gotta figure it out?

[B]

Oh, that'd be awesome. I'm for that. I'm sure they'll vote for that.

[C]

Fair and reasonable.

[E]

Yep. Well, the flu epidemic is reaching record levels this year. And it's not just affecting humans this time. For the first time in years, the dog flu is spreading across the country. Yep. Vets say it's not something to mess around with, because if not treated, dog flu has a 10% mortality rate and dogs get very sick. Anyway, vets say dogs catch the flu from barking, coughing, and sneezing when in contact with other dogs, like in kennels, doggy daycare shelters, grooming facilities. So if your dog shows up with these symptoms, you're supposed to take them to the vet. That's coughing. Lethargy. Lethargy. Oh, God.

[B]

Oh, fine. Get my phone. I'll show you a picture of Phil, the aptly named Phil the black Lab. I took a picture of him before I left, just because he was so relaxed on that sofa. He had a couple. So he had a seizure, Another seizure on, like, Saturday night. I'd be more sympathetic. I went to bed at 1am I usually sleep about seven and a half, eight hours. His seizure was at 5am, which is exactly the midway point. His seizures are always between 3:45am and 5:10am like if he had. It's this thing where it's like the earthquakes that hit at 4:30 in the morning. It's not the earthquake. It's the part where you're disoriented. Like you don't know what's going on. You're dreaming. You're on Dancing with the Stars with Judith Light. And the next thing you know, you're hearing scratching. And then you look down and the dogs.

[G]

And when you say a seizure, it's not. You're not saying the dog has a nightmare because I know.

[B]

Yeah. No, he has a full blown. He has a full blown seizure and he's a hundred. He's 110 pounds. And what he does is he starts off by yakking. So he does the thing and he's starting to throw up. And then I'm trying to guide him off of the rug and onto the hardwood so he can yak. I just thought it. Nobody does leisure like Phil. Like he literally will involve three or four pillows. Take his jowls, hang it over the edge of the set. Yeah. So he gets up and he starts yakking. I then start trying to push him off the rug and onto the tile. Cause it's all about the cleanup. And then after he yaks, he goes into full blown seizure.

[E]

Does his head kind of go back and he howls. Cause that's what happens to him.

[B]

Puts his head back, his hand, his feet scrape. His feet move. Like Pennywise the Clown moved in it. Like that's how they move. That's what he looks like.

[G]

It's a crazy CH medicine for him.

[B]

We keep having people say, take this and do that. And we're doing some of it and it's just hard to fix. He's fine. He still has a better life than I do. But he goes. He has these seizures, but they're 5am they're between 4 and 5am and it's always insane because we're dead asleep and now you're jumping around. And it drives Lynette nuts because for me, I can sort of. I just sort of rub his rib cage while he freaks out. Out for about 90 seconds. And then he kind of gets back to it. Lynette goes nuts because she can't watch the dog going. Having this happen.

[E]

The only sliver of sunshine is we asked our vet and they said they don't feel any pain, they're just disoriented. So hopefully that's true.

[B]

Yeah, they're lying.

[E]

Yeah, I hate that. Well, Kim Kardashian and Kanye west have revealed the name of their new baby. So here's the running total so far. We have Saint, we have north and the new baby, Chicago. The child was carried by a surrogate after Kim had complications with her second pregnancy. TMZ reports they were going to call the baby shy because Chicago is where Kanye's from. It's all about Kanye.

[B]

Yeah. These kids are gonna. It's not gonna be good, right? I don't know.

[E]

Perfectly fine.

[B]

It's weird. You stick around long enough and it's like Michael Jackson's kids are now have tattoos. Like, it's just weird. Like a nose piercing.

[C]

Oh, yeah. They're barely kids.

[B]

Did we figure out our power rankings or our Money for Eggs program when I was asking about that? Max Pata, the selling of the eggs.

[C]

Have you been contacted any organizations?

[B]

Now, Christine, I have found out that if you are tall and blonde and have an advanced degree, your eggs sell for quite a bit more than squatty and junior your college. Aha. It's.

[F]

It's.

[B]

It's a.

[H]

It's.

[B]

It's kind of Orwellian. It's a little. It's. It's got a little Nazi, little dystopian. A little dystopian.

[C]

The market dictates the price.

[B]

If you're buying an egg, you want the six footer holding the Bunsen burner rather than the squatty chick, you know, trying to get a candy bar open and having to use her feet.

[G]

Well, isn't it the same for sperm?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, the, The Dolph Lundgren seed is more than the Danny DeVito seed. But if Dolph wasn't. Dolph is like an engineer or something, too. Now, if Dolph was a dullard, that might even in. One guy's a genius. That might even out. So I'm still.

[G]

I've been in the discount bin for years.

[B]

Added value.

[E]

Buy one, get one.

[B]

You'll find Phil's sperm next to my books. If you go to the 99 cent store, Bogo. Get the book open, blame Phil. Go ahead.

[C]

So, yeah, the Internet is still, like, weird about it. Like, nobody wants to admit it.

[G]

I called.

[B]

Well, we call it donating your eggs, like, every time you talk to her. I donated my eggs when I was in College. How much? $7,500. Look up donation and see if it involves a large cash exchange.

[C]

Well, I called a donation clinic at. And the woman there was very helpful. She answered a lot of questions. Questions, kind of. But she said for as far as, like, how the way they look based off physical appearance, no change in price. It's all based on if they've had successful eggs. Like, and then once you. Once that person was able to donate, like a successful egg that had a live birth, then. Then their eggs become more. Because it's. Yeah.

[E]

This is very Handmaid's Tale. It's all about fertility. That's what the price goes for.

[C]

But then I looked up.

[B]

But you can look in a catalog, can't you?

[E]

For sperm? Yeah.

[H]

Not.

[C]

Maybe not based on their looks, but then I looked. But back in.

[B]

But it will be when I get the catalog. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Well, you personally would pick off looks, but a lot of it was education. You don't need it, though. I'm just.

[B]

No, I'm saying you. You want the look. There's some things that are hard to get over, get past, you know, super short. It's not good to go through life super short. Sorry, Max.

[C]

Yeah, you got your.

[F]

Yes.

[C]

Facts. But in 2012, Asian women were in high demand. They were getting 10 to 20,000 when other women were getting 6,000. Yeah.

[B]

And then before that, hairless is nice. Yeah.

[C]

Then before that, women who were over five foot ten and had high SAT scores were in hot domain.

[B]

Yeah. Five. Yeah. Tall.

[C]

But the ASR and the American association for Reproductive Medicine just put the kibosh and all that and said, no, we can't charge more for the way they look. So that's why nobody's admitting it.

[B]

All right, tell them I'm gonna come by. I wanna look at the catalog. And I also need the Before Breast reduction catalog as well. Okay. So just have them both just sort of pulled so when I say my name, they'll just give em to me.

[C]

My job is very good.

[B]

Okay. All right. I'm swinging by.

[E]

I have two girlfriends who used sperm donors and they don't know each other. And they both said, it is the most fun catalog shopping you'll ever do in your life when you get that password and go online and look through these dudes.

[B]

This is the most fun thing, the ultimate catalog shopping.

[E]

Also, I was listening to some special. And they said there's very little chance any of these sperm donors are adults with careers. These are usually students. So you're basing it on what they could become, not what they are and.

[B]

What they look like.

[E]

Yeah, but in terms of success, they're usually poor students.

[C]

It's mostly pointed towards college students.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's why SAT scores or.

[B]

Now, nobody wants to admit it, but does Richard Branson and does, you know, Ben Affleck and these guys, could they potentially. Could there be an under, oh, underground white market for sperm? No, here's. All right, here's what I'm saying. I hear about this all the time, you guys. Tell me if you hear about this. The stories of, like, hot female reporters or even an actress or a sideline reporter or something like that, and people are going like, oh, shoot for the right price, like back in the day. Like, you could. The same way you ever. You hear about those parties, and it's like, oh, the Foo Fighters played the bar mitzvah. And it's like, yeah, you want to pay them 500 grand?

[H]

They'll show up.

[B]

They don't advertise it, and they don't brag about it, but they'll take the 500, show up at that place at your palatial state and play. And you could get Mariah Carey to come out. I mean, I'm sure what goes on in Dubai alone. And again, nobody wants to advertise it, but the celebrities will go, yeah, you want to give me 100 grand for a day or 500 grand for a day? Yeah, I'll go do that. I'll play eight songs in Dubai. You fly me first class or whatever. I always heard stories about certain female celebrities coming of being for sale.

[E]

How about you leave the joking to.

[B]

Adam in the day? And I wonder if there's a spur market as well.

[G]

I will tell you that I have 62 children.

[B]

Has anyone else ever heard these stories?

[C]

No, not the previous one. About the Dubai and the musicians. Yes. Never about the females, but I'm not as plugged in as you.

[E]

But with the dudes, don't you think there'd be very little chance they would do that because they don't want to be on the hook for child support. Like, I have his.

[C]

You got to sign the paper.

[B]

You got to sign the paper.

[E]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Sign the paper.

[B]

Hypothetical. Yeah. Ironically, it's called a release. All right.

[C]

Well done.

[B]

One more.

[E]

All right, well, Amazon Go opens in Seattle this week. It's a grocery store without lines or registers.

[C]

People are lined up to get in. Yep.

[E]

Well, that's where the line ends instead. Can cameras and sensors track what people take off the shelves and what they put back on then? Customers are automatically billed when they leave the store. According to Business Insider. So you're just walking around, you take what you take, and you'll get billed for it later.

[B]

Or, you know, I mean, I just realized pretty soon there's just gonna be this app that goes, we live for you, which is like, we'll live your life. We'll go and do everything that a normal person that your parents would have done.

[C]

Go to your daughter's recital, all that stuff.

[B]

That.

[G]

There's an Amazon store in Manhattan in the Time Warner Center. I don't understand it. That's. If I wanted to go to a store, I'd go to a store. The reason I like Amazon is I don't have to go to a store.

[C]

There's an Amazon bookstore just down there. Yeah. In Century City. An Amazon bookstore.

[B]

Although I must say, I agree completely. It's there. So you don't have to go the store. But the as seen on TV store. I get a little too messive when I see that place. Like, but I see. I mean, I can buy spray on rubber just off the shelf. I don't have to wait for ship. I don't have to pay shipping or handling to get rubber spray. I don't know why, but all that junk seems wildly appealing Sham. Wow. To me.

[F]

Yes.

[E]

The Slap Chop.

[B]

I love it. I love all that. I love that.

[C]

Oh, that's why they call it the Slap Chop.

[G]

But what you don't get is the. If you act now, the extra thing.

[E]

Oh, yeah. You get a free slice and dice.

[B]

I got drunk and I bought a Wonder Mop once.

[G]

How'd it do?

[B]

I gotta tell you, it's a bit of a tell when they go, and then we'll throw in another one for free. That. That's like Mercedes Benz. Doesn't work that way. It's an $86,000 car. It has, you know, Corinthian leather in it. And you go, oh, yeah. But you buy this one with Tivia. Another one, you're like, well, wait a minute. How much already? Yes, Right.

[E]

How. That was a wonderful.

[B]

Yeah, I don't.

[F]

I don't.

[B]

I don't like. I. I like. I like. I like the dial now, and you get 20 off or something like that. But when you throwing in a exact. Another unit for the exact same price here, that's suggesting that the first one's not worth it.

[G]

But on Shark Tank, do you get suckered in? I do, yes.

[B]

Oh, I love Shark Tank.

[E]

I'll go to their website just to see what products are available. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, it's so Great.

[G]

I gotta do that.

[E]

Yes.

[G]

And so you can buy them on the website.

[E]

They'll. They'll direct you. It's this. A little list of the links to all of the products that you sell.

[G]

So it pays for anyone to go on there, even whether you get a.

[E]

Deal or not, commercial, no matter what.

[G]

Yes.

[E]

Sure.

[B]

All right. Did we do the last one?

[E]

We did.

[B]

All right, let's bring it home.

[E]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. I love pork. I hate tortillas.

[B]

That was the news with Gina Grad. Ah. Let me tell you about Simply Safe. I've worked with these guys since they had 10 employees. They don't need Shark Tank. They're doing great. And on their own, they're protecting over 2 million people. Now, exciting news. They've just released their brand new home security system. All new. It's the all new Simplisafe. It is smaller, faster, stronger than ever before. Completely rebuilt, redesigned. Safeguards against power outages, downed WI fi, cut landlines, bats, hammers, you name it. It'll take whatever you got. The first security system I'd actually call Beautiful. You should check it out. You'll still get the 24.7 protection. It's just 15 batteries, last up to 10 years. No pulling wires, no drilling, no muss, no fuss and no contracts. Just 24. 7 protection. 15 bucks a month now. Supplies are limited, so let's get going. Go to simplisafe.com Adam get started. Get it up and running in under an hour. Get a break on your renter's insurance. Simplisafe.com Adam all right, let's see me Irvine improv this Thursday. Up on stage with Mike August doing base commentary. We're doing Cobra. Then Atlanta, Buckhead Theater. That's me and Dennis Prager. And then Washington D.C. kennedy Center. That's stand up. That's February 9th. And then down to Earth. Sacramento, Thunder Valley Casino. Stand up as well, in case I got a little too full of myself. Go to AdamCo.com and see where we're playing. And what's going on. Seattle Cruise is coming on call. In topic, what was it? Oh, have you had any significant other reveal that they were she or he was gay while you were dating them?

[C]

Like Gina story from yesterday. Does anyone have a similar experience? I imagine there's a few out there.

[E]

I wonder if there's a lady.

[C]

I hope so.

[E]

That'd be interesting.

[B]

I'd love to hear about it. 8, 7, 7, 5, 6 4, 2, 326 is when you can call. What time? 5:00 clock Eastern, or so we say. And Phil Rosenthal. Somebody feed Phil. What an amazing show.

[G]

Thank you. Send love from David Wilde. He says hi. He wanted me to say hi to you.

[H]

He loves you.

[B]

We love David Wild. He's welcome anytime he wants to come on the show. And Phil Singer. Saigon, Bangkok, Tel Aviv, Lisbon. Come with Mexico City, New Orleans. I'd love to. We got at least go to Langers.

[G]

Yes.

[B]

All right, we'll make a date. We'll go to Langer's and then we'll show you uppity at your. At your. In your screen.

[G]

Awesome.

[B]

It'll be a great date. All right. So till next time. Adam Carolla for Jo Koy. Phil Rosenthal, Tina Grad and Paul Bryan say mahalo. My room was a porch. All right.

[A]

That was the hilarious Jo Koy and the fantastic Phil Rosenthal, both in studio. Both Joe and Phil are very important figures in the history of the Adam Corolla show. And I hope you really enjoyed that episode that does with this weekend's Corolla classics. Until next weekend and get it on.

[C]

It.