Pamela Adlon + Lisa Loeb (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode: Pamela Adlon + Lisa Loeb (Carolla Classics) Release Date: April 12, 2025

Overview: In this engaging episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla is joined by recurring guests Pamela Adlon and Lisa Loeb, alongside co-hosts Brian Bishop and Allison Rosen. The episode delves into a wide array of topics, including financial literacy, personal anecdotes from Brian’s broadcasting career, relationship advice, the complexities of humor and offensive language, and collaborative discussions on music and entertainment. The conversation is punctuated with humorous exchanges, insightful reflections, and candid storytelling, making it a rich listen for both longtime fans and newcomers.

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1. Financial Literacy and Societal Commentary

Brian Bishop initiates a discussion on the importance of financial literacy, emphasizing its impact on wealth accumulation. He highlights that adults with financial literacy skills possess 82% more wealth than those without. This segues into a critique of societal investments in children's activities versus their future financial success.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [00:59]: "Parents invest in so many things to enrich our kids' lives, but are we investing in their future financial success?"

Brian further critiques societal issues like obesity, using McDonald's as an example to illustrate his point on changing dietary habits and their impact on public health.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [04:23]: "If I would have gone to McDonald's when I was 14 and my mom tried to pass some apples on me, I would have fed them up her ass like Benoit Ball."

2. Brian’s Broadcasting Experiences and Industry Challenges

Brian shares his tumultuous experiences working on the radio show Loveline. He recounts the frustration of unequal compensation compared to his co-host Dr. Drew Pinsky, highlighting the industry's propensity to favor certain personalities over others.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [16:04]: "And I said, why? What are you talking about? And they said, well, that's what we're doing."

He narrates his attempts to negotiate fair pay, ultimately leading to his departure from the show after unsuccessful negotiations and the subsequent rise in earnings of his counterparts.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [21:14]: "But they kept calling it a bonus. And I kept saying, 'Don't call it a bonus. It's just a makeup check.'"

3. Personal Anecdotes: Dealing with Tragedy and Workplace Dynamics

Brian recounts a personal tragedy involving a colleague diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. This story underscores his views on societal responsibilities and the importance of addressing fundamental issues rather than deflecting blame.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [36:50]: "Every problem in our society... can be traced back to people having kids who shouldn't be having kids."

He also discusses the challenges of working within the broadcasting industry, including difficult relationships with producers and agents who prioritize profits over fair treatment of staff.

4. Pamela Adlon and Awkward Moments in Entertainment

The conversation shifts to Pamela Adlon, a long-time guest on the show, as Brian reminisces about her early appearances and the dynamics of working with her. They touch upon memorable and awkward moments from past pilots and recordings, highlighting the unpredictable nature of the entertainment industry.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [31:25]: "She was the nicest softball mom and the sexiest in the entire Beeman Park area."

5. Relationship Advice and Personal Struggles

The hosts take relationship calls, offering advice on navigating intimacy during pregnancy. Brian vulnerably shares his own experiences with molestation as a child, providing a heartfelt and impactful moment in the episode.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [72:05]: "I'm sorry to hear that. It doesn't mean you can't have good relationships. It just means you got to get a little talk therapy there."

Lisa Loeb contributes by discussing the commonality of such experiences and the importance of therapy and community support in overcoming personal trauma.

6. Humor, Offensive Language, and Satire

A significant portion of the episode delves into the nature of humor and offensive language, sparked by a controversial tweet from The Onion involving a child. The hosts dissect the racial and societal implications of such humor, debating its appropriateness and the thin line between satire and offense.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [81:19]: "But the other interpretation, is that this is sending up Hollywood's culture of ripping people apart."

They argue over whether certain language can be deemed offensive based on context, intent, and the speaker's role (e.g., comedian vs. politician).

7. Walking Through Entertaining Stories and Anecdotes

Brian shares a humorous yet harrowing experience of being stuck in an elevator, intertwining it with stories about interactions with celebrities and the nuances of the entertainment world. This segment is filled with witty banter and amusing reflections on past events.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [82:14]: "I mean, I'm a comedian. I'm kidding. Even if you're not a comedian, you can say I'm gonna kill you if you don't bust your dishes."

8. Collaboration on Music and Promotions

The episode features collaborative discussions with Lisa Loeb about her music projects. They highlight upcoming records, the creative process, and the challenges of the modern music industry.

Notable Quote:

Mike August [175:59]: "It's called 'No Fairy Tale.' A prince in the summer was a drag in the spring."

Brian promotes her new album, emphasizing the importance of collaboration and giving credit where it's due.

9. Discussion on Modern Society and Racism

Brian and Mike engage in a heated conversation about systemic racism, focusing on access to financial services like checking accounts among Black and Hispanic communities. They debate the root causes and the role of government and societal structures in addressing these disparities.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [143:52]: "But here's the deal. They're dealing with people who don't have a whole lot of credit history. And they're taking chances on some of these people."

10. Concluding Anecdotes and Wrap-Up

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts share final anecdotes, promote upcoming shows, and wrap up with humorous takes on various topics discussed throughout the episode. Brian continues to intertwine personal stories with broader societal critiques, maintaining a balance of humor and seriousness.

Notable Quote:

Brian Bishop [191:45]: "So you can hurry up and die. No. So you have room for writing songs."

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Conclusion: This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a multifaceted exploration of personal experiences, societal issues, and the intricacies of humor within the entertainment industry. Through candid discussions and collaborative segments with guests like Pamela Adlon and Lisa Loeb, the show provides listeners with both laughter and thoughtful insights. Whether dissecting the nuances of financial literacy, navigating personal trauma, or critiquing modern societal norms, the hosts deliver a compelling and entertaining narrative that resonates on multiple levels.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Lisa Loeb]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Lisa Loeb]

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[Brian Bishop]

Get this adults with financial literacy skills have 82% more wealth than those who don't. From swimming lessons to piano lessons, us.

[Allison Rosen]

Parents invest in so many things to.

[Brian Bishop]

Enrich our kids lives, but are we investing in their future financial success? With Greenlight, you can teach your kids financial literacy skills like earning, saving and investing.

[Allison Rosen]

And this investment costs less than that. After school treat, start prioritizing their financial education and future today with a risk.

[Brian Bishop]

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your whole superfan, Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla classics available through podcast one premium as well as Adam Carolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com you can obtain ad free archives for the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the exclusive new podcast Beat it out featuring Adam Carolla and various guest stars. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcorolla.com I've been getting a lot of requests for old Loveline and the KLSX Adam Corolla show from 2006 to 2009, both of which we can't play in this feedback as Adam Crawler doesn't have ownership of them. There are select clips that have been played on the podcast that then become transformative works which then make it allowable to replay some of those moments. But not all the fan favorite moments have aired on the Adam Crolla show and may never. So if you've requested something from a Loveline, the Tom Arnold call with the phone sex operator, the time Adam hung up on Ann Coulter on the morning show that Stuff that I'll never be able to play unless Adam covered it on the podcast, some of which he has. So if you've requested something, we haven't played it. That's probably why. If you'd like to find more information on the Adam Kirlo show from 2006, 2009 or Old Loveline, check out patreon.com Giovanni that's where I handle all that other stuff that can't be in this feed. Let's get to the clips coming up. First, we have adam Curla Show 1023 featuring Pamela Adlon, David Wild, Allison Rose and Brian Bishop. This one from 2013. Pamela's actually a long running guest in Adam's history of broadcasting. She at first appeared appeared on classic loveline in early 1996. One of the first guests Adam really clicked with on air. She was known as Pamela Seagal then and she was just dating her soon to be husband. Little did you know, talking about how in love she was and they actually discussed like whether or not she was gonna seal a deal with this dude and get married. And then she ended up having like a 14 year marriage and kids with the guy. And then after all that, she came back on the Cruella show. So Adam hadn't seen her for basically the entire length of her marriage after she crushed in a loveline with him. And then she came back into his world. Hope you guys enjoy this episode. Check it out.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day. Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Carolla and Bald Bryant. I like it when my boyfriend defecates on me. Oh, so much to talk about. By the way, Pam Adlon. I had, I made her my wife. And two failed pilots. By the way. NBC.

[Allison Rosen]

Lynette. Only once, right?

[Dawson]

Black widow.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. And foxy. Whatever. CBS and Fox. Yeah. All right. Anyway, much to share, a long and annoying day. Couple of things. I had an annoying interview with this guy. He was kind of crunchy from Denver, the Denver something today, you know. And he kept first.

[Dawson]

What does that mean?

[Brian Bishop]

He just kind of he was a.

[Adam Carolla]

Hippie and l doesn't know what he was.

[Brian Bishop]

Could tell where he was going with everything, you know. And he started in with a lot of my right wing views and this, that and the other. I will play you something that will explain my right wing views in just a second accordion slip. But my white wing, your white wing views, it's a ring of white people. It's discussion.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you mean you're a white winged dove?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's right. White bird.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, you'll go back to it's. A beautiful day yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, now we'll work that song. Anyway, so the guy was kind of bothering me, and I could tell where he's going with everything. I just wanted to get a plug for Denver and the mangria tasting and Dr. Drew and blah, blah, blah. And so he started off with your sort of controversial stance on shaming fat people and blah, blah, blah. And I said, well, look at it this way. There was a McDonald's on every corner when we were growing up, right? And he said, well, yeah. I said, did you have a McDonald's down the street from your house? Because I worked at a McDonald's. Yeah. I said, well, there was a McDonald's on every corner and nobody was morbidly obese. So you can almost remove McDonald's from the equation since they were all over the place and nobody was fat. And he said, well, the menu was a lot different back then. Wow. And I said, it was. And he said, digging deep. Yeah, it was. And I said, you mean they didn't have apples? Because if I would have went to McDonald's when I was 14 and my mom tried to pass some apples on me, I would have fed them up her ass like Benoit balls. And he goes, no, the menu is a lot different. And I said, I like what I do when I argue with people is I just hand them a shovel and I just stand there and watch them dig their stupid. And I said, menu's a lot different, huh? And he said, yeah. And he said, okay, Big Macs, Quarter Pounders. What was different? He goes, well, the Big Mac was a lot. It's a lot higher in calories now than it was then. And I said, really? What it is, huh? You know that? Yeah. I said, how do you know that? Different meat. I said, I think the Big Mac's the same as it ever was. He said, no, it's higher now. Like he's going down. You know when you take the road, the bad argument road, and then instead of putting the brakes on and doing a three point turn, you hit the accelerator. That's what dumb people do. And don't do it with smart people, because you get fucking buried. So I said, all right, I'll tell you what, let's do this. I'm gonna hang on, and I want you to look up the calories of a Big Mac from 1975 and then one from today, and then you'll see there's no difference. And then it'll be entertaining for me. And he said, you know what? When I hang up, that's what I'm gonna do. And I said, no, no, don't do it after you hang up. And he said, why not? I said, because I won't be able to laugh at you. I won't be able to come over to your crappy apartment or your mom's house and laugh at you. I want you to do it now. And he said, I don't have a computer. And I was like, all right. Well, anyway, I looked it up.

[Dawson]

The menu's gotta be healthier now. Number one, just because there's more healthier options, there are a greater number of healthier options. Number two, the thing is, all the McDonald's stuff was bigger back in the day. They're like, oh, yeah, the size of a fries is shrunken. Or the size of a Big Mac is smaller now.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's interesting because I was talking about this with Dr. Drew today. We are getting so huge that it's like Shaq picking up a three year old. A Big Mac was called a Big Mac. It's considered a Camry now, not a Cadillac. It was considered an El Dorado when I was a kid. It was a Big Mac, you know, that was a big deal. Big pictures of the Big Mac not considered a big burger by burger standard Today. It's just a double patty burger. But I said, no, go look it up. And he said, I can't do it. And then I went and looked it up and. Is everyone sitting down? Yeah, it's the same. It was hard to find calories. We could go back 25 years for some case out of England. And yeah, they're the same or virtually the same.

[Allison Rosen]

I think Alison would agree that there's no better strategy in doing press than to argue with the journalist.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I love a computer. Yeah, journalists love my computer. It's always, look, look, he's gonna write some Hackney bullshit about me that nobody's gonna read. And who cares that? That's the thing. But you know, and then somebody tweeted me, Woodstock, 500,000 people, all average age 22, half naked, rolling around in the mud. No fatties. Mama Cass was the only fat one at Woodstock. You know, I mean, that's a lot of people with their shirts off.

[Allison Rosen]

Leslie west from Mountain. You got it. Let's get it right.

[Brian Bishop]

There's two Mississippi Queen. You know what I'm. There was a lot of threats of going down to Mississippi and like finding a Cajun queen, possibly from New Orleans, or at least New Orleans adjacent, although that didn't rhyme with anything a Witch queen. A witch queen. From there, a lot of guys threatening to head down to Mississippi and go down to New Orleans to get themselves a Cajun queen.

[Allison Rosen]

But ultimately they would decide that their life, their love and the lady was to see and return there.

[Brian Bishop]

No one ever threatened to go to Encino to marry a nice Jewish bride.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a fat shaming question, though, because I think that. How do you mean the word shaming?

[Brian Bishop]

I just mean make them aware that they're fat, which they will then shame themselves. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like when I hear shaming, I think that I initially misunderstood how you meant it. I think I thought that you meant like, I go out of your way to humiliate or make feel terrible, when in fact sounds like you're just saying speak honestly.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, look, there's two ways you can take an F on your history report. Shaming, or I'm shitty at history and I should study harder. If you take it as shaming, you're gonna be a shitty student.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

If you take it as I should study harder, you'll be a good student. Either way, it's just an F. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. But the person who's giving someone an F could say, here's an F. Or they could say, here's an F. You're a dumb shit, go fuck yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but nobody does that. They just go, here's an F. And then you get shamed and then you complain to the principal. That's where we're at now. People go, you're overweight, you need to lose weight, or you can't work for this airline because you're £200. And then they go, I'm suing you. I did not want to. I would like to give everyone an A, but no one's turning in a work. That's the problem. And me giving you the F, you choose what that does to you. You know what I mean? Like, when I didn't start on the football team, I was shamed. But my coach wasn't trying to shame me. He was trying to win football games. And he thought the guy who started ahead of me was better than me.

[Dawson]

Showed him.

[Brian Bishop]

Showed him. Anyway, it was interesting. So this guy kept talking to me about my right wing views. And I said, I don't have right wing views. I'm the guy who claims you should be able to grow pot in your backyard. If you own property, you should have pot. I don't give a shit about marriage, gay marriage, whatever sex. I want prostitution to be legal. I've always wanted prostitution. I said, I don't have right wing views. I say, if you have kids, you should be responsible for their lunch. I've always said it. And it turned into a right wing view. I didn't turn right wing. Right wing came to me. You guys are labeling me that. I've never labeled myself right wing. And then I said, you know what? I know I've been talking about this for forever, but I've been right wing for like the last nine months. In 1996, I told superfan Giovanni, dig up something for me from loveline. This is December 1996. Alison, you were in the second grade. Yeah. Let me know when I did this. David Wilde, you had some of your hair. And we're in the eighth grade in 1996. It's December 1996. I'm living in an apartment in Toluca Lake. I have a roommate, and I'm driving a 93 Nissan Maxima. Dr. Bruce sitting in, by the way. Even back then, Dr. Drew wouldn't be there half the time. The band, there's a band called the Suicide Kings that were the guests that night. And this is Adam Carolla. Right winger. Adam Carolla, living in an apartment, driving a Nissan from 1996. Every problem. Oh, hold on a second. It's gonna sound high pitchy and whatever. Cause it got compressed and it got taped or whatever. It's gonna sound a little Alvin in the Chipmunks.

[Dawson]

Or it could be 25 cases of Mangria. Go.

[Brian Bishop]

Could be. Here we go. Every problem in this. And I'm not gonna go on too big a tirade because I do at least once a show. Every problem in this society, at least. At least in my opinion, can be traced back to people having kids who shouldn't be having kids. The overpopulation in the prison, the crime. All right, no, all right, all right. Let me just. Let me go on for a second. Then everything in America, and I don't care if you're talking about unemployment. I don't care if you're talking about the decay of the school system. I don't care if you're talking about the decay of family values, the abuse of drugs or the prison population, is it all stems from people who have no business having kids, starting a family. And then what they do is the girl gets knocked up at 17. The guy's off knocking somebody else up by the time he's 19. And then these people become wards of the state. We must take care of them. And they go all the way through the system. We have to give the mom child support we have to give them welfare. We have to give them food stamps. And then they become 13, 14. They get involved with the criminal justice system and the juvenile system. They're in and out of courts. They're stealing your car stereos, and they're knocking up your young daughters. When is society and politicians going to get involved with this issue? They will talk about nafta. They will talk about the deficit. They will talk about stiffening up borders, but they will not talk about this problem, which is the number one problem facing this society. I call them pussies. Okay, that's from 1996. So you should have saved that for.

[Allison Rosen]

The Laker game with Bill O'Reilly. That would have gone over.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody called me right wing back then. I was not right wing. I just suggested that people who couldn't afford kids shouldn't have kids. And that you should basically, if you did have a kid, you should stick around and raise a kid. And everyone went, all right, I get it.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I suggest the headline for the Denver article that will result? Adam Carolla, not right wing. Just right.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Oh, I like that. All right, everybody. So to all who said, what happened to you, old man? Carolla, you've changed. You know what's changed? I have money now, and I'm the man. So when I say it now, it's the man. When I lived in an apartment, no problemo. Now I live in a house on a hill. Now we have a problem with the exact same fucking message, which has never changed for me. So don't tell me I've changed you hypocrites. Thank you.

[Dawson]

Could do without the sound effects, personally.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a long, long time.

[Dawson]

That was pre Anderson. That was Dooley.

[Adam Carolla]

Who was that?

[Brian Bishop]

That was Mike Dooley. Yeah, that was Mike Dooley. I mean, that was 96.

[Dawson]

That's my freshman year in college.

[Brian Bishop]

I barely started Loveline. I don't even know when I started 95. I hadn't been there a year. Wow. I don't know.

[Dawson]

Bruce already been there as a sub.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Drew figured out early and often, that guy owes me so much money. Drew figured out early and often that if he didn't show up, the show went on. If I didn't show up, they'd have to run a best of. So if I didn't show up, it was like, where are you going? What's up? But if somebody dropped a nickel in New York and Drew. And Drew could go over there and pick it up, he would hustle off there. I would just go do it. Bruce would do it. And he would get paid this at some point later on in our career when they were paying him, when they decided to pay him three times as much as me. Got fairly old, fairly fast for me. But that's the brilliance of radio.

[Adam Carolla]

How did that happen, where they were paying him so much more than you?

[Brian Bishop]

Was that radio is dumb. The people who run radio are stupid. And many of the people involved with radio are dumb. And our contracts came up and they said, well, I'll tell you what, here's what. Drew and I had the same agent, his name was Bob. And I said, well, it's always been favored nations. Always favored nations. That's how it is. You're partners, you get paid the same. Otherwise it's trouble. Jimmy and I always got paid the same. Jimmy and I. If somebody would have said to Jimmy, you're going to get $5 a week more than Adam, he would have never had it. And if I would have got five bucks more than him, I don't think he would have had it either. Just favorite nations. That's basically the way it always was. At some point we got to the end of Loveline and contract whatever in year number eight or nine, and they said, well, we're going to give Drew $950,000 a year, and we're going to give you $265,000 a year. And I said, why? What are you talking about? And they said, well, that's what we're doing. I said, well, that doesn't seem like a great strategy. And they said, well, that's what we're doing. And I said, all right, listen, I told our collective agent Bob, I said, listen, Bob, we have to form a strategy. I'm not going to. I know how Drew's tight fisted with money and he's freaked out by money, and I'm not going to get him away from money. But we need to come together to form a collective front here. Not be separated like they're separating us, and. And figure out a strategy. So whatever the deal is and whatever they're trying to do, don't let Drew sign his contract. And by the way, I worked at that radio station for a year with no contract. I know you can work for extended periods of time with no contract. What happens is, once you come to the terms of the contract, they'll retroactively pay you or get you caught up one direction or the other. But either way, I said, bob, don't let him sign that contract. And he said, will do. And I said, I'm not telling him not to sign it. I'm saying before he signs it, we have a meeting. Mochi Health is here to help you.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Dawson]

Three month plan equivalent to $15 per.

[Mike August]

Month required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available.

[Brian Bishop]

Taxes and fees extra.

[Mike August]

See full [e-mail] we have to get.

[Brian Bishop]

Together and have a strategy. This is insane. I'm not going to work with a guy's getting paid three or four times as much as me. Especially when I'm showing up more than he is and I'm talking twice as much and he said will do only twice rounding down. Then about I don't know if I was working on another TV show or something. And about a month later I got a call from Bob, and he said, yeah, we got to talk about the contract. And I said, well, we need to get together with Drew and form a strategy. And he said, oh, yeah, Drew signed his contract. And I said, bob, remember we talked about that? And he said, yeah, I know, but he signed his contract. And I said, okay, well, now you're fired. Bob, in that phone call, you did it probably. Or I called him right back, and he said, well, now you're fired. And then six months later, I signed a multimillion dollar contract to do mornings at Kayless Ex, which Bob got how much of?

[Allison Rosen]

None. Zed.

[Brian Bishop]

Interesting. Stole my guess, but would have gotten 10% of, like, a $10 million contract if he'd just blew a phone call into me to tell me that Drew was going to sign his contract.

[Allison Rosen]

Bob would have a last name if he had only negotiated in good faith.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, he's in the tribe.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God. This is. Then it couldn't be malpractice.

[Brian Bishop]

So I said, and I like the guy. He's just an idiot. You know, he's dumb. And the radio guys are dumb, too. And then. So I said, all right, I'll work out the rest of this year. And then when I worked out the rest of the year before I went to go do mornings, I said, all right, you guys paid me about 300 grand for this year. And I said, you owe me a check for $665,000 or I'm not signing my morning show contract. And they're like, what? And I said, I want to be paid not one penny more, but not one penny less than what Drew got paid for this year, or I'm not signing my new contract for the more.

[Dawson]

The same company, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. And remember my baby doll Dickson kept saying, babe, you want a bonus? And I said, it's not a bonus. It's not a bonus. It's what I was owed in Favorite Nations. It's what I should have been paid for that year that I made one third as much as Dr. Drew. You want a signing bonus? I said, just, no. It's this amount. This is the amount. It's not one penny more. It's not one penny less. It's the amount they owe me, which is the same as what Drew got paid. And he kept calling it a bonus. And I kept saying, don't call it a bonus. It's just a makeup check. I'm being retroactively paid, but I won it, or I'm not signing my new contract. I'm not Going to work until they make me whole from the last year. And they did it, and that was it. And I called Drew and I yelled.

[Allison Rosen]

You got the bonus.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I yelled at him for a while and then I said, all right, now I'm done.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I ask you a question about that moment in your life? Was it ever close? And as a fleeting member of the David Lee Roth broadcast, as his guest rock critic, was it ever close to you having the whole country? Because in retrospect, I wonder if that would have made a huge difference and that would have kept the whole thing going, their whole radio business.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. We ended up being much more successful than people remember. The remember is, oh, that whole thing was a failure. And that's kind of how history doesn't like to write in terms of gray. It's just black or white. We were on for over three years and number one in most all the markets. I remember because I got bonus checks for being in the top three and whatever. And I would get bonus checks. And then at the end, I was getting bonus checks in Los Angeles for ratings, which Los Angeles was the toughest market for us. So the ratings were there. And I mean, we weren't number one everywhere, but we would be top three and number one in Seattle. Number one. We're number one in Vegas from the word go, I think. And even top four, five, whatever. My. I don't remember what the bonus structure was in Los Angeles, but I got a check for being number five or four, whatever, in LA toward the end. And then they got rid of Arbitron Books and they got the ppms. They call them the Portable People Meter. People meter. And then everything just fell apart. Everything just came undone. 182. And then the radio just came undone. And that was it. And then when they replaced me at Loveline, like I said, they said we went young, we went Latin, and we went hip. And I said, go to town. And now.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's how I got the job.

[Brian Bishop]

And that's now that's Loveline with me and Loveline without me.

[Dawson]

David L. Wilde.

[Brian Bishop]

You'd make. You go ahead and judge the king of reggaeton. All right. It is awesome. Now you got a song, do you? David Wilde?

[Allison Rosen]

I sort of have a song. This is a song that just. Cause I was supposed to. An artist came to town. Who I really liked their song. I don't know them. They've actually been on Kimmel. It's a guy named Josh Doyle and he's. I heard him when I was in Nashville. Working, but he's actually British singer, songwriter. I just love this song. So let's hear Solar Storms by Josh Doyle.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, how did you get turned on to this?

[Allison Rosen]

I just heard it on the radio driving around Nashville.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Had a little Lightning Seeds in them.

[Allison Rosen]

I love.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you just said that because I.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I said I do.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I made that band up, so. Yeah. Yeah. You'd never hear this in la, right?

[Allison Rosen]

No, this is the exact thing. Go to home of country music to hear anything.

[Brian Bishop]

I always say, there's so much good out there. Why do we need to hear I Love Rock and Roll by Joan Jett ever again? There's. Every time we play that song, we use up a slot for a song like this.

[Allison Rosen]

But there's even good Joan Jett. That's the irony.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the scary part.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the scary part is they just. Yeah, but this guy. Yeah, he just. I don't know him, but he's. I know he just landed today in la. And if you need an opening act for Ellie.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, interesting. Is tonight at Amalfi, by the way, if you're wondering. Me and Elliot Gould together again.

[Allison Rosen]

What's really awkward is that I was also married to Barbra Streisand for a brief, fleeting moment. So it just feels, like, weird back to back.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you what, you want to talk about awkward. When I was, like, 22, I walked into a party and had a chick describe me as a young Elliot. Goofy. Which it's not bad, but it's not. Doesn't. You know, you don't have to dodge to be known as a young LA tool. All right, so the name of the name of the artist.

[Allison Rosen]

Josh Goyle. Check him out. Go to AdamCrola.com and. And go to Amazon and buy it.

[Brian Bishop]

Click on through.

[Allison Rosen]

I like this guy. I don't know him, but he seems.

[Brian Bishop]

To love this Sounds really good. I have the end of two songs, which was. I was. We were watching the Oscars and we're laughing.

[Allison Rosen]

Was that on this week?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they ran a little Oscar show on Sunday, and they're playing Shirley Bassey doing Goldfinger. And we got about halfway in, and I said, listen to the end of this song. Because listen to how much this guy was into gold. Evidently, he really was into this metal. There it is. What's he into again?

[Dawson]

She's gonna get to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, is there some subtext here that I'm not getting?

[Dawson]

Maybe by gold, she means unattainable things.

[Brian Bishop]

What? I don't know what. The last thing she's saying is it could be gold. All right, so he loves gold. And then I was thinking, what is more on the nose other than Goldfinger really loving gold? And then I was thinking about American Woman. Guess who? But listen how long it takes him. And by the way, there's a minute.

[Dawson]

Left of the song.

[Brian Bishop]

Any woman would just go, yeah, I heard you the first 146 times. Don't you leave, pussy.

[Dawson]

I'm packing up my things, I'm leaving.

[Allison Rosen]

You're gonna hurt your chances of playing the Burton dinner theater again.

[Brian Bishop]

Dude, in my. Yeah, in my 20 plus years as a classic rock DJ, we'd come out of this song and be like, you know, say the station call letters, this grandfunk. All right, dude, you said you're gonna leave, take off. Well, then be the song you'd go do a couple rails to. Or if it was over five minutes, I'd run outside, smoke a cigarette, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I thought. I think it took Lenny Kravitz to really find the subtlety of the song. When I think subtlety, I think Lenny Kravitz, my.

[Brian Bishop]

I would. I. There's a complicated algorithm for Lenny Kravitz figuring out his songs, which is how he looks in front of a mirror playing it. I'm completely convinced that's all he uses. He gets a full length mirror, he takes his shirt off, he puts a scarf on, and then he goes, how would I look playing this song?

[Allison Rosen]

By the terms of the sequester, I have to cut my name dropping by 22% today. But I'll sneak this one in that I interviewed him when he opened for the Rolling Stones at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. I guess it is. And he did a whole interview in bed. And I'm talking to him for an hour and a half. I'm on the chair and he's in his bed. And he literally, like he just woken up and he got out full leather pants, full feathers, you know, it was almost Johnny Depp and it's scarf like, magnificent.

[Brian Bishop]

I loved when him and Lisa Bonet were at their top, at their peak. And there was a lot of just. It was a sort of black John and Yoko, you know, it was a lot of like, man, we just vibing on each other's vibing gift of love, like so much. And of course he's banging chicks on the road, but when they're together, it's all about just good vibes and good feelings and good.

[Dawson]

It's a deep, soulful love.

[Brian Bishop]

Deep, soulful love.

[Dawson]

Except when he's on the road.

[Brian Bishop]

Except when I'm on the road, then I'm banging whatever waitress is in, whatever town I'm in.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm of two minds.

[Brian Bishop]

Other than that they're the same soul, just torn apart.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm of two minds about Lenny Kravitz. Cause I really like the Jewish half. But there's other things that make me scared.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Anyway. All right, let's see. Allison Rosen. Oh, let's see. Pam Adlon's around. Do a news story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

What else do we have? What else was I planning on fucking around with over here?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, she was a softball mom with my kids. And she was the nicest softball mom and the sexiest in the entire Beeman park area.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I sought her out on more than one occasion, Arun. I mean, work with me on my sitcom. She is. She is awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I love her because she was on Facts of Life.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, and I don't know. Is she dating Louis ck? What's. What are they doing over there? I gotta figure that one out.

[Dawson]

I had to track down the last Pam Adlon episode because I'm writing the book, obviously. And the story that you tell about telling at your pilot. The story you told about telling Dion Kirschner that I wasn't coming into work with the teamster there and everything. It's very funny story. It's going in the book.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay.

[Dawson]

Totally messed up Panadolan episode.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, maybe we should tell that story. There's also another funny story involving Pam. She's gonna hate. We'll use some names. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

My curiosity's piqued.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now I can jump out of my skin.

[Mike August]

I must not.

[Brian Bishop]

You've heard it before. But it will be substantiated. I don't think I've ever heard it. Will be amongst. I mean, you're talking about uncomfortable moments, like standing around. Yeah.

[Dawson]

It'll be clear as glass.

[Brian Bishop]

Dion was the line producer. Swee. Sweetest woman in the world. Sort of reminded you of the Italian chef with who's all teeth who's always talking about. She's in the kitchen, she's cooking. She's so excited. Pretty, whatever her name is.

[Dawson]

She's petite and she's bubbly and she's sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Giada.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Just anything you need, Adam. Anyway, we're here to help. So, Dawson, what do you think? What do you think? We're the Doors in here recording in 1972. He's sitting back with his glass of Mangria. With his bottle next to him, dude, when we used play classic rock. Hold on. Hey. You want to be sucked off while you're telling your stories? Are you okay? I was telling David Wild that it's unfortunate and fortunate at the same time. When you use alcohol as a crutch, you don't have. You have the bottle next. No, this. Actually, this bottle should be designed for a friend. Okay. Okay. Okay. Dion is in her office. She's the sweetest. She's one of these, you know, people. She is one of the nicest people I've ever worked with.

[Allison Rosen]

She's one of those humans you like.

[Brian Bishop]

She's a human that I love.

[Dawson]

Line producer on the pilot or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Line producer. And you know where the pilot's going along pretty good. And we're doing a live. We're taping that. We're going live, you know, for camera kind of thing, you know, on, like, Friday. And I'm running my lines and running my lines because I'm in every single scene, and that's a ton of dialogue. It's like memorizing, like, 43 pages of dialogue. And like I said, I'm in every scene. So Brian calls me, I think the afternoon, Sunday, it was a Thursday afternoon. Oh, you were supposed to come in on Friday.

[Dawson]

It was the next Monday, but I was leaving town, and I had to give you a call because I don't know if you were working on Friday.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian calls me back when he said, like, Brian. Brian calls me at, like, 4 in the afternoon, and he goes, I can't come in. I got him a job working on the pilot, but he wasn't working until we were going to the stage. And then we're gonna go to the stage on Monday. And he calls me on Thursday and goes, I can't come in on Thursday. On Monday. And I was like, what? What's up? Cause we've kind of been waiting to go back to work for a night. And I did the thing where, don't worry, I'll get you a job over there.

[Adam Carolla]

What was his job supposed to be?

[Brian Bishop]

What was your job supposed to be?

[Dawson]

I have no idea what it was supposed to be. I was gonna show up, and Dionne was gonna put me to work. It was basically like the radio show just ended.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm the boss. It's my show. I created it. I wrote it. I. Whatever. I'm gonna star in it. So I get to get my flunky's jobs doing nothing so well, you know what I'm saying? He didn't know what he was doing, what he Was doing. He's gonna do something. I was gonna give him a solid and give him a job, but he didn't.

[Allison Rosen]

Best boy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Didn't have a job in the bungalow, but once we got to the stage, they'd have a job for him. So Brian called me on a Thursday, but I remember in the early evening, and he said, I got a serious medical situation. I got this brain tumor. And I was, oh, my God. And I can't come in on Monday. And I was like, oh, my God. And it's inoperable. And I said, well, what's it look like? And he said, well, if it keeps growing, probably about four or six months, if it keeps going. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I'm sure it's not going to keep growing. And then I hung up the phone with him, and then I called Dr. Drew. And Dr. Drew does not sugarcoat anything. My wife's best friend had ovarian cancer. I believe it was ovarian cancer. And she was 32. She was best friend of my wife. And I said, how? What about Jennifer? And she said, she's dead. And I'm like, but that's how. I'm getting foggy now, but that's how Drew is. He'll just go, that person's dead in six months. That's who he is. That's what he does. He's. Oh, he's not going to bullshit you. So I said, brian's got this tumor, and it's in a stem, and it's this kind of tumor, and if it's growing, they can't operate. If it's growing, what's going to happen? He's dead. He's dead. And I was like, oh, God. And I called Bruce. Bruce. I called Bruce and I said, bruce, what's going on?

[Allison Rosen]

And he's like, foreign second opinion.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. He said, if that thing's growing, if that thing's growing, he's dead. If they can't operate. And I said, well, obviously it's growing because it's kicking in. Their speech is slurred and blah, blah, blah. He said, well, if it's growing, he's dead. And I was like, oh, dear God, no. And so I'm about to shoot this sitcom, so I gotta go into Dion's. I gotta go into Dion's office. And I'm like. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna pull it together. I'm gonna keep it together. And I'm not gonna get her all involved in this because she's one of Those people. Her, Danny. This story will come in. Danny Thomas and St. Jude. What the hell?

[Dawson]

You didn't know it at the time, but her. I mean, you didn't know the connection, but her uncle was Danny Thomas, who founded St. Jude's City of Ho.

[Brian Bishop]

St. Jude's sorry, it's a cancer hospital for kids. So I go in there, and I go, like. I walk into her office, and I go, all right, I'm just gonna keep this fast and sweet and short, and I'll do, like. I'll be a professional about it. I'll just go, brian Bishop can't come in on Monday, and he won't be working for us, and he's got a little medical issue. And so we're just gonna find someone else to be best boy on the stage. So thank you. And so I come walking in, and he has this Teamster guy, this big dude there who's in charge of finding the car that I'm going to drive in my fake sitcom. So I walk in, and he's like, oh, hey, this is John. John's got some pictures of some Saturns he wants to show you. And I was like, oh, I just want to tell you real quick that Brian's not coming in. And she's like, oh, John, maybe this isn't a good time. And I'm like, no, no, just Brian's not coming in on Monday. And she's like, oh, okay. And he's like, well, can you look at these pictures of these Saturns? And I'm like, yeah, okay. And then she goes, well, why isn't he coming in? And I go, it's a medical issue. But it's just a medical issue. And she goes, well, what is it? And I go, he's got a tumor. And the guy, John, is like, maybe I'll come back with these pictures of these Saturns. And I'm like, no, it's okay. And she's like, what kind of tumor? Like a brain tumor? And she's like, what's the prognosis? It's inoperable. I was like, how old is. She's 29. And John's like, maybe I should come back. And I'm like, no, I can pick. I'll pick a car. I'll pick a car. I don't want to.

[Dawson]

You were so much more upset than I was.

[Brian Bishop]

And I was like, you can't cry.

[Allison Rosen]

In front of a Teamster.

[Brian Bishop]

And she's like, My grandfather started St. Jude or City of Hope or whatever it is. St. Jude's that's all. I understand completely. And she's crying the whole time I'm crying. The guy's like, maybe I should just come back. And I'm like, I'll just pick a car. I'll pick a car. I'll just pick. That one's good. And she's a heap. I'm a heap. It was exactly. I thought he was gonna die. And her tears did not help me at all. She didn't even know Brian. She's such a nice person, but she'd gone through this and seen it so many times. And then the show didn't get picked up. That's the real tragedy of all. Go ahead.

[Dawson]

You know why they called it St. Jude's like, why they named it that? St. Jude's an actual saint. I looked this up for the book. St. Jude's is the patron saint of hopeless causes.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. And that's what's happening.

[Dawson]

That's how it doesn't seem right.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God.

[Dawson]

Good times.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'll tell you what's not bad times. Stamps.com. yeah. Mailing, shipping. Important. Oh, I could.

[Allison Rosen]

So if I wanted to send some money to St. Jude's to support the work there, I could.

[Brian Bishop]

Stamps dot com. Yeah. Oh, I could fill a manila envelope with tears over that story. Yep. You want to use stamps.com? you can buy print official US postage for any letter, package or parcel. You do it on your own computer. Plus they got discounts on priority mail and express mail. You can't get it at the post office, man. This is a secret deal, baby. Only goes down in your office and only if you use stamps.com. special offer, no risk. Trial. $110 bonus offer. By the way, 55 bucks worth of free postage. And the digital scale? All yours. Plug it right into the computer. Weigh it. The exact mount comes out of your computer. Kapow. Presto. Change. I'll go to stamps.com. now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in atom. That is stamps promo code, Adam. All right, so Pam Adlon is here. We'll get her to tell the best story ever. Get a little Mangria in her. Apply her with a little Mangria.

[Dawson]

It shouldn't take much. She's very short. Not short, but petite.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she's shouting no. In the next room. We won't use.

[Adam Carolla]

Give us a hint about what kind of thing this involves.

[Brian Bishop]

We won't use names. She's going to love it. She's still yelling. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Category.

[Brian Bishop]

It's very scatological.

[Dawson]

Oh, urban legend.

[Adam Carolla]

And then she has to tell it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, we'll do some what relationship questions. Yeah, we'll do that right after this. And now, Alcoa presents Defense. Definitely not a Jew. On the Adam Carolla show.

[Gavin Newsom]

Dateline, Roswell, New Mexico.

[Brian Bishop]

A 45 year old man was arrested.

[Gavin Newsom]

And pepper sprayed after police found him repeatedly punching a stop sign.

[Brian Bishop]

Definitely not a Jew. Pam Adlon. Always good to see you, Pam.

[Lisa Loeb]

Hi.

[Brian Bishop]

Back in studio and a big fan. Voice of Bobby Hill. I don't know if a lot of people know that about her. Louie won herself a WGA award on Louis Californication. Sundays, 10:30 on Showtime. Californication. I'm so freaked out now because I go, whoa, what's that show? What's it been? Season three, someone got it. Season 11, they're like, what's going on? But what season are we on? Yeah. Really? Absolutely. Big fan of Cosme, you know, not so much you, but. No, but we're on season four.

[Lisa Loeb]

We're on season six.

[Brian Bishop]

Six. Yeah, but it used to be like, when I grew up, a season was just a year. So like the Dukes of Hazzard were on season six. They were six years old. Is California.

[Lisa Loeb]

I know, but it's like Dukes of Hazard to do like 30 episodes in a season. We do 12.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right.

[Lisa Loeb]

So it's like there's two seasons equals one.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe I had a driver, you should know in Arizona. I did a show in Phoenix or something. Oh, really? And he was like, hey, I picked up. I said, do you drive any other celebrities? Louis ck And I said, oh, that's nice. And I said, was he nice? Was he funny? He didn't talk much, but his gal pal did. And I said, was she little? And I was like, yep. I said, that sounds like Pam.

[Lisa Loeb]

Do I come off little?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I just.

[Lisa Loeb]

Such a bummer.

[Brian Bishop]

We're trying to. Well, look, if I said Asian, he would have got confused. So we had to pick something, you know what I mean? Now what's going on? Are you guys dating? What's happening?

[Lisa Loeb]

No, we're not at all.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, you took a little bit there.

[Lisa Loeb]

No, I mean, I been. I've dated in the past kind of year. So I was thinking about if I should tell you about that stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys dated?

[Lisa Loeb]

Did we date?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Were you and Louis and I dated?

[Lisa Loeb]

No, we never dated.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought he was always like fond of you that way.

[Lisa Loeb]

We were always very fond of each other, but we never.

[Brian Bishop]

Just never. But you guys would collaborate and work.

[Lisa Loeb]

And write oh, yeah, we still do.

[Brian Bishop]

That kind of stuff.

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah, still.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. How come no love there? I feel like that's a good.

[Lisa Loeb]

Because.

[Brian Bishop]

Connection. Really?

[Lisa Loeb]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it sounds like only one of you is feeling the ugh, and it's you.

[Lisa Loeb]

I don't know. It's not. It's like. I mean, you and I have a thing. Do you know how far back you and I go?

[Brian Bishop]

How far back?

[Lisa Loeb]

Telling Morgan, please.

[Brian Bishop]

Your publicist or the HBO publicist.

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah, Showtime. It was 96.

[Brian Bishop]

96 was my first loveline. What were you promoting in 96?

[Lisa Loeb]

I think it was just King of the Hill.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, probably was.

[Lisa Loeb]

And literally, I was with Steven Root today, and he sent me a thing of him and of Bill and Bobby, and, like, Bobby was giving hormone biscuits to their dog to get her pregnant, and Bill was like, get me more of those hormone biscuits. And I'll tell you about the day you were born. It's really funny, but that's how far back we go. And you said, next time, you. And we all hit it off and.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Lisa Loeb]

We took all the calls, and Dr. Drew was, like, so smart and dreamy.

[Brian Bishop]

He's dreamy.

[Adam Carolla]

He still is.

[Lisa Loeb]

He's so dreamy. And it was just, like, an amazing thing. And this girl called in and she was like. She wanted to, like, sht up all these guys. And we were like, no, don't do it. And I was like, stay young and tight. And then at the end, you said to me, the next time you come in the studio, I want to see a ring on that finger. And I was like, fuck that. I left. Next time I came to do Loveline, I'm this fucking pregnant.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Lisa Loeb]

With not a ring on my finger. I should have never. And you're the one.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I got you.

[Lisa Loeb]

Because now the bad d happened.

[Brian Bishop]

The divorce. Yeah. But you have three beautiful kids. Three amazingly gratifying three daughters.

[Lisa Loeb]

It's fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Being a parent could not. I swear to God. I have twins, boy and a girl. I say it all the time. They go, what's it like? I go, my daughter's, like, raising three or four kids, and my son is, like, raising a cat. It's just a waste of my time. An old cat, he sits in a corner and plays with his Legos, and that's good for four hours. And she tugs on you. She announced she wanted to be an actress.

[Adam Carolla]

Today you demonstrated at your house. Because we were watching the Oscars in one room, and there was some yelling coming from. From the other, right. And it was Natalia.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, Good and loud. Three girls. She's into anything. She's into your shit and your grill and whatever you're into.

[Lisa Loeb]

Does she know I'm a fairy?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, are you?

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

In what?

[Lisa Loeb]

In the Tinkerbell movies.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that'd be awesome if you want to come by and do the voice or something.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, yeah. I'm Vidya. I'm the mean one.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, I didn't know that.

[Lisa Loeb]

I'm the hot, sexy one in purple.

[Brian Bishop]

She probably has that. I'll look it up. I know she has all those because I've watched all those.

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah, and for the boy. There's boy fairies in there, too. They're really, like, studly.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's get them strung out on those. So, Pam, we talked about the embarrassing story that you don't want to talk about, but it's really one of the greatest stories of all time.

[Lisa Loeb]

Believe it.

[Brian Bishop]

You told me out there. Well, look, Pam, you're a spontaneous person who lives in the moment or super drunk, but you say what you feel and you feel what you say.

[Lisa Loeb]

I was being genuine about it. I was like, you know, I swear to God, it just came from a place of, you know, just like, hey, man, what's the story with your famous great uncle and the glass tables and the women laying underneath them and doing their business?

[Brian Bishop]

So you must understand that long before there was Rod Stewart and long before there was Richard Gere, there was a Danny Thomas story. And that story had to do with a glass coffee table and a little poo poo on the glass coffee table.

[Lisa Loeb]

I heard that Sam Spiegel, the famous producer who produced the African Queen, that he had the same fondness for.

[Brian Bishop]

It's really hard because it's hard to document.

[Lisa Loeb]

Plating.

[Brian Bishop]

Plating. It's hard to document. And who knows how this stuff gets started and who knows how much truth there is to it? I assume it's just a vicious rumor, but either way, as comedians, we're all sort of acutely aware of all this stuff. And it was the table read and Jimmy Kimmel and me and Daniel Kelson were all gathered around the aforementioned Dion. And when Jimmy.

[Lisa Loeb]

I love her.

[Brian Bishop]

She's the greatest. When Jimmy showed up, Jimmy found out that her grandfather was Danny Thomas. And he said, and then Marlo Thomas and he went in this whole jag about. Just finished Free to be, you and me. And I was just doing it with my daughter somewhere, singing the songs or downloaded from itunes or something. Then Daniel started. It was a love fest over Dion and Danny Thomas. And it was like oh, your grandfather, I'm such a fan. And your aunt or whatever, I'm such a fan. And blah, blah, blah. And we're all circled around.

[Mike August]

Oh, God.

[Brian Bishop]

And then Pam Adlong comes rushing in and sort of the circle opens up and she stands there, and I think, jimmy could have been me. But somebody said, pam, do you know that Dion's grandfather is Danny Thomas? And she doesn't miss a beat. She just looks up, she goes, what's up with the tables? What's up with the glass tables? And everybody, everybody, everybody just went like.

[Lisa Loeb]

I gotta say that, you know, it was a nice. Jamie just fell. You just, like, left. And Dion was just like, you know, she just looked at me like, oh, she was so sweet. She was like, oh, you're so.

[Brian Bishop]

What's up with the glass table?

[Lisa Loeb]

She was like, can I fire her?

[Brian Bishop]

You went, you said it. And then it took about a 3 Mississippi, and then you went, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Which kind of. It made it a little bit worse.

[Lisa Loeb]

I'm still sorry. Yeah. The whole rest of the pilot. So way to go straight right out of the gate. Table read uncomfortable. The whole rest of the thing, I'm like, okay, well, hi. Can I get you anything?

[Brian Bishop]

The only part where it's uncomfortable is when you were saying, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And she was going, it's okay. I've heard the stories. That's crazy. It was very surreal.

[Lisa Loeb]

Okay, do you want to hear the one I did the other day?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I want to hear the one, because I feel like you're capable of almost anything.

[Lisa Loeb]

Okay. So I totally, you know, I went to my friend's birthday dinner, and then I was going to meet some friends who they said, come here because the dinner's later. So I was like, okay, you know, I'll do that. I never get out. And this year, I've been saying I'm gonna say yes to everything socially. Yeah. And just things in my life, like, I'm gonna try things and say yes and not just be so in a cave. So I went to the second dinner, and everybody's, like, sitting at a round table, a closed off round table with their plates in front of them, eating. And I'm like, hi. And Robin, my friend who was there was like, looking at me like, hi. Okay. And I was like, oh, this is awkward. I'll just go, you know, I do the thing like, oh, dirty Jew. I'm gonna go to the bar. I'll just wait for you guys there. And they were like, no, no, it's okay. We'll just uncomfortably shift and not finish our meal. Now or so I sit next to this one woman who is like the most delicious creamy color. I've never seen this gorgeous.

[Brian Bishop]

This is race based. This is good. I'm so excited.

[Lisa Loeb]

No, it's. I know. She was just.

[Adam Carolla]

She from Brazil, because that's Adam's favorite ask.

[Lisa Loeb]

No, but it's interesting because I met a woman the day before and I said, what color are you? I've never seen that. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She said, I'm from the Dominican Republic. She was just absolutely beautiful. She was just like this burnt umber.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't you think for the color of an ass, Brazil is the best color?

[Lisa Loeb]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, like just an ass in a thong back. It can get too dark and get lost. It can get too bright and, you know, I have to put sunglasses on.

[Lisa Loeb]

Do you have a picture?

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think creamy?

[Lisa Loeb]

You have a picture of Dave Thomas.

[Brian Bishop]

Think a caramelly Brazilian throngback ass.

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah, but Brazilian. I think about a hairless vagina. I don't think about an ass or I think about straight hair on a Jewish woman. I don't think about ass color.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's. There. Ooh, what the hell? That's a nice Brazilian athletic rear. Athletic rear, yeah.

[Lisa Loeb]

Holy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a beautiful. But. But she has basically a wedgie.

[Brian Bishop]

That's not the exact color we're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

But see, there she is picking the wedgie.

[Lisa Loeb]

Is that the one you like, Adam?

[Brian Bishop]

I just think that is in terms of.

[Lisa Loeb]

Look here in America, they would be like, in California, that's fat.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Lisa Loeb]

Everybody's like, oh, my God, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so you. You go, you go over, you sit at the table.

[Lisa Loeb]

So I sit next to this woman on Friday. I'm like, oh, my God, you're. You're so beautiful. You're just amazing. And her hair was perfect and her arms and she was just crazy creamy. And I touched her skin and she was eating these prawns. Like, everything about her I was lusting after. I didn't want to fuck her. I just wanted to admire her.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Lisa Loeb]

That's the phase of my life that I'm in right now. So anyway, but what if she had.

[Brian Bishop]

Said, hey, Pam, you know, you want to eat more than prawns?

[Lisa Loeb]

I told you, I'm saying yes to everything.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I like that, didn't I? Yeah, sure.

[Lisa Loeb]

Okay, so. So I'm sitting next to her, and then somebody Said, oh, am I gonna get in trouble?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Lisa Loeb]

Does anybody listen to this? You promise?

[Brian Bishop]

No one we know.

[Dawson]

These mics don't even work.

[Lisa Loeb]

Okay, I feel better. So somebody said, she. Jesse Jackson's her uncle. And I said, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I just fucking. I didn't bury the lead. So anyway, somebody said, jesse Jackson. She just came back from a thing. Like, it was loud in the restaurant. So all these words kind of came at me. And I looked at her, and I said, oh, my God, did he try to fuck you? And they had actually said, Jesse Jackson. She came back, is her uncle.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah.

[Lisa Loeb]

And I was like, what? And I looked at my friend. He's her uncle. And I went, oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Lisa Loeb]

And she's dying. Rolling. And I was like, look, man, I did a, you know, a homeless march on D.C. when I was a teenager with him. And, like, these random celebrities, they just threw into a bus plane in the sky, like, Vidal Sassoon and Edward James Olmos.

[Brian Bishop]

They used to do a lot of weird things where it's like, a lot of. Like, a lot of that Nancy Reagan, like, saying no to drugs, and it be like, I'm Pele.

[Lisa Loeb]

I'm the kid from the Wonder Years.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Lisa Loeb]

I'm Christy Yamaguchi, right?

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm like. I'm Mark Hamill. And it's like, what?

[Lisa Loeb]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

There's always some guy's.

[Lisa Loeb]

I'm from the Miller Light commercial.

[Brian Bishop]

What was the.

[Lisa Loeb]

From our pilot.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God, I'll think of his name in a second. Yeah, one of the little Brooks. I'm one of. Yeah. I'm one of the Miller's Outpost cowboys. And he'd be standing next to, like, you know, gold medal winner.

[Lisa Loeb]

I'm the original Charlie girl. I'm 97, and I'm making this work.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm Dorothy Hamill. And we all say no to drugs. Like, and they get them all together and just put them in a high school gymnasium. And I don't know what went on, but that's. Someone went, you know, what's gonna stop people from doing drugs, by the way? This made me want to get high. These kinds of things. But we get pictures.

[Lisa Loeb]

Without telling you, we'll get a whole bunch.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll get, like, Levar Burton. We'll get, like, one of everything. Totally. We'll get one of everything. And everybody. And they'll all say no, and then we'll all say no, and then we'll sing some weird song, and then that'll be that. So you did that With Jesse Jackson?

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah. I did it with his gorgeous niece, who was so understanding the other night. And I was like, look, I was on this.

[Brian Bishop]

You should have got into Jesse's son.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, I don't know anything about that.

[Brian Bishop]

He spent a little money. I hope everyone's sitting down. Jesse Jackson's son spent a little bit of money that was supposed to be for his campaign on some other things. But the things were like posters. They were basically things that if a Klan member wrote out a shopping list, a stereotypical shopping list, it played right in their hand. I mean, it was literally like fur coats and Michael Jackson's fedora. And it was like some crazy, crazy, crazy things.

[Lisa Loeb]

You mean stuff. Like, it was like a rider.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was like Eddie Griffin's rider. Yeah, that's really what it was. I mean, it was like I said, fur coats. I stand up comedian. He would be very upset to know that. Sorry, he's coming in later on, so I'm gonna embarrass you again. Undercover Brother shit. I mean, it was. We'll figure it out. But it was fur coats, Michael Jackson's fedora, and, like, the Elephant Man's shinbone or something. Like, it was like a crazy, crazy laundry list of weird things. But who would have ever seen that coming with Jesse Jackson and what he.

[Lisa Loeb]

Anyway, Jesse was really fun on the flight, and when we went to Washington and Nichelle Nichols, who played Uhura in the original Star Trek, like, she would get on the plane, the thing on.

[Brian Bishop]

The plane, she was there for you guys say no to drugs or what.

[Lisa Loeb]

We say to housing now. It was a march on Washington and, like, Patty D'Arbinville, like, all these random people. And she would get on the intercom on the plane and be like, this is Uhura. And we would be like, oh, my God, this is crazy.

[Brian Bishop]

And how old were you? Like, what year is this?

[Lisa Loeb]

I was like, probably like, 19 or 18. This was the mid-80s.

[Brian Bishop]

And. And it was. It was a march to get people into houses. Yeah, sweet.

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah, it was. And so basically, you know, he. We hung out all weekend, and he was fun and fabulous, but he was trying to get with the ladies.

[Brian Bishop]

But he's a man of the cloth.

[Lisa Loeb]

I know. He was so great, though.

[Brian Bishop]

I just don't understand.

[Lisa Loeb]

He did not try to do that with me.

[Brian Bishop]

What's with religious guys? Just kind of getting with the ladies. Does anyone.

[Dawson]

I have to reevaluate everything I know about religious guys.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Does anyone have that list, by the way?

[Lisa Loeb]

I think they try to get with the Boys, isn't that what you mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, some of the religious guys get with the boys and some like the ladies, but either way, they're like, all right, $10,000 worth of Bruce Lee memorabilia. You can't write this.

[Dawson]

Well, that makes sense.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's see, $27,000 worth of collectibles once belonging to Michael Jackson. Let' what else we got there? Oh, Eddie Van Halen signed guitar.

[Lisa Loeb]

They should have the Martin Luther King stuff because, you know, it's legacy.

[Brian Bishop]

No, when he's not trying to get laid, he's definitely speaking out against first civil rights, you know. Jesus. Well, that's his thing. I mean, when he's not trying to get laid. Anyway, some Malcolm X stuff, some Jimi Hendrix stuff. He's got a lot of range. But anyway, turns out he spent, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Think it was like 750.

[Lisa Loeb]

Let's talk about a lot more things so we can erase this part of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, just a little bit. All right. But anyway, delight. And sure, his dad's a delight, too. He's had a gold plated Rolex for $43,000. Let's see, redo the children's bedroom in 08. Spent $10,000 on that and 5000 bucks on furs.

[Lisa Loeb]

Are you talking about his son?

[Adam Carolla]

This is just. Yeah, his son.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. I don't know. Purchased a football for $5,000 which was signed by former presidents.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, so just smart investments. All right. Anyway, we are going to take a couple of relationship phone calls. And by the way, thank God me and Dennis Prager are going to be in the Valley center for Performing Arts. Yeah, he is. CSUN is. You know, my mom went there, by the way.

[Lisa Loeb]

She did?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she went to Valley Junior College for just, I don't know, 17, 18 years. And then. How would I know that? Just a quick trans over to csun. Oh, yes, she. That's where I get every ounce of my sense of humor from her.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I know.

[Brian Bishop]

That delightful, delightful woman with a non. We call her Phyllis Diller or Joanne Worley. Yeah. Zero sense of humor. Saturday, March 16 by the way, me and Prager at CSUN if you want to come out and see that. All right, Dawson, before we take our calls, this segment is brought to you by HT from the makers of Extends higher test testosterone for increased muscle mass, desire and performance in the bedroom. Go to www.byht.com and use the promo code. Adam. All right, let's talk to Bruce, who's 27. Bruce calling from Minnesota. Hey, guys, how's it going? What's going on in Minnesota? Why is Minnesota so good for me and us? I got, like. We got nothing else to do. I think it's something like that. I. Mangria is in, like, 30 liquor stores in Minnesota, and they tell me they're shipping 50 case pallets to Minnesota as fast as they can. But it's just. There's a liquor store literally a block and a half away from my house, and I just picked up a couple of bottles today. That's why I love you, and that's why I love Minnesota. All right, so sorry, your question is what, Bruce? Yeah. My wife just recently got pregnant about 10 weeks ago, and since then, she just hasn't wanted sex at all. Her.

[Lisa Loeb]

Leave her alone.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not. I'm not egging her on, but, you know, she's just wanted to sit around and play on Facebook, if you know what I mean. Mm. All right, well, hormones and whatever's going on. And let me ask you this, though. And let me ask you ladies this. Would you be cool if you were like, listen, that's a construction zone down there, and there's no traffic going through there for a few months, so don't get near it. And the guy went, but you put.

[Adam Carolla]

Up a detour sign.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, detour, like, to the computer. I'm gonna go hop on the computer and go to my whatever website and just, you know, blow a little steam off looking at someone other than you or having sex in my mind with someone other than you. My feeling is it's gotta be one or the other. Like, you can't have. You can't say none of this and none of that. You got to be kind of cool with that. But I don't feel like she would be cool with that.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, wait, he's saying. I thought he was saying that she's going to the. Face the computer, but he's going to the computer.

[Adam Carolla]

No, she's spending time on stepping instead of having sex. And Adam is saying, should it be okay if he. Then, yes.

[Lisa Loeb]

You know, of course you say that.

[Adam Carolla]

Porn.

[Lisa Loeb]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

But if you. But what if you just said to Louie.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

What if you said to Louis one day, no, but. And let's just say you told the funniest guy in the world.

[Lisa Loeb]

That's offensive.

[Brian Bishop]

According to Rolling Stone. If you said, no, one night, and he said, fine, I'll just head into the office and turn on the computer, you'd be like, what the fuck? That would be one night. If that was one night.

[Lisa Loeb]

How old are you?

[Brian Bishop]

27.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, I mean, come on. It's where I am now. It's like the scorched earth of my life. Where I am now. I would be like, go, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, okay, but when you're young and there's hormones, you know? So, Bruce, what do you think she would say if you made that announcement? Well, she doesn't seem to have a problem with me checking out the. You porn or anything like that, so, you know, she kind of looked at that as, you know, take care of yourself. Just leave me alone. That's fine by me. But I was wondering if there was anything, you know, kind of get something going with her, you know? Well, I have a couple things. First off, you guys tell me what you think of this one.

[Lisa Loeb]

Get a glass table.

[Brian Bishop]

I've said this. Oh, I got a nice glass table in the next room. Get that mechanics creeper out. And tell Gary Haftard to have a breakfast burrito. I want to. We're gonna get so many hits on YouTube, it's gonna be awesome, so. And you gotta do the Bobby Hill voice when he's unloading. All right, so where do you guys come down on this? Because for a long time, it was always like, look, no means no. If a woman's not in the mood, she's not in the mood. But there's a part of me that goes, look, you're married. You're not always in the mood for everything. And there's a lot of other stuff you do that you're not in the mood to do almost everything to do with your kids like you're not in the mood to do. I'm not in the mood to get on a plane every weekend and go do a gig somewhere. But it's just. I just go. It's like, it's for the family. It's for the relationships. Is there a part of you that, as a woman, can just go, I'm not really in the mood, but fuck it. It's gonna take eight minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

The times that I have done that, I have felt such intense rage afterwards that I really vowed, like, I will never do that again. Because I get so. I like it.

[Lisa Loeb]

Have you been married?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. But I feel, in a way, like, violated. Even though I did it to myself. Cause I was like, I was not in the mood, and now I want to fucking kill someone. I'm a delight.

[Brian Bishop]

Why is sex. Why is sex. Sex so sacred?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, okay, a hand job or a blowjob is not.

[Lisa Loeb]

It's not. It's not that. Okay, here's the what's for when we.

[Brian Bishop]

Do our live shows in Arizona.

[Lisa Loeb]

Bruce. The thing is, okay, I would try. In the first place, do something that's gonna make her want to fuck you. If you do something. Grow some hair and star in a movie if you do something. Like, if you. I don't know, like, if you organize something or fix something in the house or you do something that you know that she really wants and you, like, set up a nice dinner or do the dishes and you take care of things. It makes her feel warm towards you and makes her parts want your part inside of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Bruce, can you put together an entertainment center from ikea? Hell, yeah. You see, the problem is, he does that, and then when he finishes, she's upstairs sleeping.

[Lisa Loeb]

Just don't go down on her. Don't blow air in her vagina until the baby's out.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all.

[Lisa Loeb]

I won't allow.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, is that bad? She don't like that anyway, so it's all good.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, well, there you go. No, I swear to God. You will get some. If you do nice things, she will want to.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Be good.

[Lisa Loeb]

Am I right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, be good. It's gonna help. But also, ladies, throw a hand or thr. A mouth over that direction every once in a while.

[Lisa Loeb]

He's a vagina, okay? He doesn't want anything.

[Brian Bishop]

Bruce, we take a hand or a mouth. I'll take what I can get. That's right. Or you can just double down on the Mangria and all your troubles will melt. Yeah. I love that stuff. Yeah.

[Lisa Loeb]

It's gonna get warmer.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody in Minnesota's gonna die in an ice fishing incident that involves Mangria. That's. That's. That's basically. Yeah. I had no idea. Do you guys know about ice fishing? Do you know how it works?

[Lisa Loeb]

You cut a hole and then almost die all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you sit in, like, a lawn chair on the ice, right?

[Brian Bishop]

No. You have a cabin that you drag over the hole, and it's an excuse to drink, but guys are nuts for it in, like, Minnesota.

[Adam Carolla]

Certain places.

[Brian Bishop]

Home.

[Adam Carolla]

And fishing on the ice, basically.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you need a lake.

[Dawson]

It's like an outhouse.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I mean, but similar to.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, you're in a cabin doing it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's.

[Lisa Loeb]

That it's your shelter.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's your shelter. It can be nice or can be what? Everything. It's. I don't know. It's like RVs or something. Really cool ones and then kind of trashy ones, but they do it and then you sit there and get drunk. But there's a kind where you spearfish and it's really crazy. Some guy was showing me. You throw something in there and they come like the pike come by or something. You throw this like Neptune's triad down in there and grab. It's like. It's really crazy. Like, the guys that are really into it are really into it. I just thought it was one of those, let's get drunk. Yeah, let's get out of the house.

[Lisa Loeb]

So are people dying? Like, a lot of people.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd imagine anytime you have huge auger bits that are hooked up to like, lawnmower engines and drunk guys standing in the middle of a lake trying to drill through three foot ice, there's gonna be only Adam. There's gonna be issues.

[Lisa Loeb]

Pull out auger bit.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what you gotta do. Or you gotta saw into the ice. But it just seems like that's the thing, kinda. Well, we're just looking at a picture of a shack. But they have nice ones and they have not so nice ones. Let's talk to Connor. Connor, good luck.

[Adam Carolla]

Bruce.

[Brian Bishop]

24. Yes. Wow. God. See? Yeah. There's a guy at the carpet on the floor and they got the holes for everyone and everyone just sits in there. I think you could do worse.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd be dark enough, you would fall in.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm worried about.

[Lisa Loeb]

And so they piss and shit in the hole too. That's what's happening. They're shitting, pissing, vomiting, and fishing.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes they fear their own shit.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, all right. Hey, Connor.

[Lisa Loeb]

It's the toilet and the kitchen.

[Brian Bishop]

What's going on? Well, every six or 12 months, my relationship seemed to start taking a drastic downward turn. Mm. And I was just wondering, is it something that I'm doing or is it, you know, just that I'm 24 and that's like the normal operating procedure for guys my age that we just get into a bunch of relationships or. Well, it cannot be your contagious personality. That much I know. I've eliminated that from the source of potential problems in relationships for you. You're 24. Six months is a long time when you're 24, and it's a pretty good run for a relationship. And I don't know how you guys feel, but if one of my kids married somebody they met in high school, I'd be like, are you. Good luck with that. You didn't want to kind of look.

[Dawson]

Around a little bit? So you're seven years old.

[Lisa Loeb]

Wait, how long have you been with.

[Brian Bishop]

This person but meeting in high school and pushing it forward six months at all. I think it's a good idea to get a handful of different relationships under your belt. Some good, some bad, some different experiences. You should get dumped a few times. You should dump someone a few times. You should sort of just see it from all angles. And then when you're 32, you get married.

[Lisa Loeb]

But he's been in this relationship for how long?

[Brian Bishop]

He's just in relationships that start to go crappy after six months. Yeah, I actually just ended a relationship. And I wanted to add that I was molested quite a few years when I was. Well, from three to six years old. So I was just wondering if that had. Oh, three to six years. Who did this? My babysitter son.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, how old was your babysitter's son? He was about 12. Yeah. And for anyone. You know, if it's any consolation for those who are molested, know that your babysitter son was molested as well. That's why it's the most heinous crime, because you molest this kid, and then the kid goes out and molests other people, and then those other people molest people, and you have this horrible pyramid of molestation. And that's why the guys that perpetrate these kinds of acts should be executed, in my mind, because if you kill somebody, that's horrible. But you have one dead body. You molest somebody, you could have 100 molestation victims. And in a weird way, you're not dead, but it kills a part of you. And one molestation, one pedophile, can do a lot more damage than even someone who's taking people's lives. So, Connor, I'm sorry to hear that. It doesn't mean you can't have good relationships. It just means you got to get a little talk therapy there. You talk to anybody about that? Yeah, my Marine Corps psychologist. Oh, that's interesting. So are you in the Marines now or are you just a super ballsy civilian? No, I'm actually retired. Super assertive civilian. I know my hair's long. I got nothing to do with the Corps. But look, I need help. You guys are here to serve this country, not to serve this citizen. But that's it for now. You're out. Now, can you. I'm actually working in VIP security now. Can you. Can you reconnect with him? You know what? I would be really scared of? What I would do if I ever met this guy. No, I mean reconnect with your Marine Corps Guy. Oh, yeah, it's through the vfw. All right. I'd reconnect with him, work with him. You're 24. Relationships come and go. Don't get anyone pregnant. And everyone lives till 90 now and gets married in their mid-30s. So you got a good decade to kind of work on yourself, Connor. All right? Just work on yourself. That's it.

[Lisa Loeb]

Look, you're okay. You're okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's the thing. Nobody is completely unscathed, you know, in life. You have a childhood and it goes, some are better than others, but none are perfect. And some are horrific and others are better, but there's just sort of a grade. And there's a lot of people that had it better than Conor, and then there's a lot of people that have had it worse than Conor. And those people. In a weird way, I think sometimes being a victim of molestation or something like that is almost. If you use it correctly, you can almost use it to your advantage, which is to say it's like you started off in life with a handicap, but if you don't feel sorry for yourself and you work on yourself, you can actually overachieve because you're overcoming this thing. There's a lot of people I know who should be in therapy and should be asking someone some questions about themselves, and they never do. Conor can get involved with therapy because of this incident and these incidents, and then through therapy, get further along than he would have if this incident never happened. So in a weird way, it can bring you to be much more mature than your average 24 year old who just got out of the Marines.

[Lisa Loeb]

Also, I think that if he got into a group or if you went on, like, message boards or something like that, you can't believe how much more common it is than you can imagine. At least everybody I know, almost everybody I know, including myself, has either been messed with or somebody close to them has been messed with. And it's affected all of our lives. And if you find that out and you. And you educate yourself about it, you're gonna overcome the stigma that you're putting on yourself. Because I can guarantee you're only 24 years old, you're gonna see so many people have been affected by it, it's gonna make you feel better and move on with your life.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you do therapy, Pam?

[Lisa Loeb]

Did I do therapy?

[Brian Bishop]

How many years?

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, no. No.

[Brian Bishop]

You never did therapy?

[Lisa Loeb]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, did I? Yeah, I've done therapy. I've done therapy.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, how did you deal with what happened to you?

[Lisa Loeb]

It Wasn't. I didn't have an extreme thing like Connor did.

[Brian Bishop]

Just Jesse Jackson on that one flight. Yes.

[Lisa Loeb]

I'm trying to deal with the way that I relate to people. No, I mean, it's very close to me. And a lot of people that I know have had this.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, it was funny, but. Well, not funny ha ha. But I was. Dr. Drew and I were doing a show today, and this guy said that he was 19 and he said his girlfriend, who was also 19, I think, was raped by her previous boyfriend and he couldn't get out of his head and he wanted to kill the guy. And he had all these feelings. And I said, I will tell you this. Young 19 year old, every single woman who showed up at the Oscars the other night who was either walking down the red carpet in the audience or receiving a statue, has had some sort of incident with some sort of ex boyfriend that the current boyfriend cannot stand. It doesn't need to be. I'm not saying it's all this extreme, but I'm saying every single chick from Jennifer Aniston, from Charlize Theron or whatever has a boyfriend or a husband now has a story about some ex that did something that pisses the shit off out of this guy. It's everywhere. So you know what? Move on. Because it's not isolated. It's not just you.

[Lisa Loeb]

Yeah. And also for Connor. It doesn't minimize it. But he was molested by a child when he was a child.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Better. Better than longshoremen. All right, Connor.

[Lisa Loeb]

Jesus. Good luck, Connor. Thank you. Take care.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. All right, let's see. We got a little news I should tell you guys. By the way, speaking of Drew, Drew and I gonna be out in Denver coming up this Saturday. Paramount Theatre and also little tasting, Applejack Wine and spirits. This Saturday, 4pm and it's in Wheat Ridge, Colorado. I'll be out there and not sure if Drew will be with me or not, but I'll be taking some pictures.

[Dawson]

You bring your right wing views with you.

[Brian Bishop]

Bring my right ring views with me to Colorado. All right. Shall we do a little news? Allison Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it up with Zip it, can't you? Tallison Carbonite, baby. You gotta back up those files. It backs it up automatically. That's right, your computer files. Whatever's on your computer is much more Valuable than your computer is these days. Hell, you can get a new one at the Radio shack for like 59 bucks. But carbonite backs up the stuff that's on it. It continually backs it up whenever you're connected to the Internet. You can access your backup files anytime, anywhere with their free app. So we use Carbonite because I wrote two books and combined, I think it was about 600 pages worth of. Worth of wordage and well over at least a couple hundred thousand words. So we needed backup. We used Carbonite. I suggest the same for you. Unlimited backup for your PC or Mac. Just 59 bucks a year. Start a free trial [e-mail] use the offer code ACE and get two bonus months if you decide to buy. No credit card required. That's carbonite.com you gotta back up your files, baby. You are gonna be crying the blues if something happens. Carbonite.com offer code ACE. Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so on the night of the Oscars, the Onion tweeted something about nine year old beasts of the Southern wildstar Khwanzanay Wallace. And they got in a huge shitstorm because of it. This is what they tweeted. Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Khvansenay Wallace is kind of a cunt right now. People freaked the fuck out. They deleted the tweet an hour later, and then they apologized. This is the Onion. This is what they said. It was crude and offensive, not to mention inconsistent with the Onion's commitment to parody and satire, however biting. No persons should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire. I read an article that said that some former Onion staffers are kind of up in arms over the fact that the Onion would have taken it down and would have issued this apology. But what's your reaction to this? I feel like it's obviously not, first of all, it's the fucking Onion. Second of all, it's obviously not serious.

[Brian Bishop]

Go, girl.

[Dawson]

Third of all.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's two different ways to interpret it.

[Brian Bishop]

I think there's a weird racial component here that's probably part of the prom. If that was Dakota Fanning nine years ago, I don't think people would freak.

[Adam Carolla]

Out quite as much as you're saying that. I mean, someone even. Because I got into it a little bit on Twitter and someone's like, just wait till you have kids. You won't like it if someone calls your kid and someone said that, like, if someone called Natalia a cunt, you would freak out. And I was like, you've called her that.

[Brian Bishop]

She knows it. She doesn't know what it means, but she knows it.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, God.

[Brian Bishop]

I also heard she got daddy's a little cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

I was also told that cunt is to women as the N word is to black people. And it's like, if so I say it every night.

[Lisa Loeb]

Cunt and N word.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's a good point because she. Well, but, but she was blocked. She wouldn't have to say it's her word. First off, in Britain, it means nothing. That's number one.

[Lisa Loeb]

Is that right?

[Brian Bishop]

They call everyone cunt over there?

[Lisa Loeb]

I know it's true.

[Brian Bishop]

Every guy calls his friends cunts. Like they just throw cunt around. Like if a 15 year old uses it, like it's nobody's business. All right, number one, no, I'm not trying to turn this thing into a racial thing, but I think the fact that she's black does not help the Onion and probably helped them apologize because it has overtones to it and it's. The climate is not good. I think if it was a nine year old Dakota Fanning, I think people would have been upset, but kind of moved on. This feels like you're. This feels like there's more to it. And that's kind of the problem. And that's really one of the things that you kind of have to think about if you're going to especially get into it with anybody these days, which is can it be mistaken for a racial whatever. Even if the insult is not racial, the person you're insulting is of this nationality.

[Adam Carolla]

I would just suspect that the nine year old herself wasn't upset about it. And anyone around her that has a sense of humor wouldn't be upset. Like I said, there's two different ways to interpret it. One, which is what I thought is it's just.

[Brian Bishop]

It's pure sarcasm.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's funny because she's kind of the opposite of a cunt. Like people were saying she's not old enough. And I was like, if anything, she's too old. Cause you can call a baby a cunt. I was like, it's the same as calling a puppy an asshole. It's funny because of the juxtaposition. But then the other interpretation.

[Brian Bishop]

Go find the back of my book.

[Adam Carolla]

The other interpretation though, is that this is sending up Hollywood's culture of ripping people apart.

[Lisa Loeb]

Now look, first off, anything to do.

[Brian Bishop]

With race, it's the Onion. No, no, I'm not saying it. I'm not saying I don't think the Onion had any race in their mind.

[Lisa Loeb]

You'Re saying because she.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying does not help. It does not.

[Adam Carolla]

People are more sensitive because of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. If it was like I said, Dakota Fanning, they would not be as freak. They might be freaked. It's a level of freakitude. This is. You not only called this nine year old a cunt, you called a young black girl a cunt. And this is not helping in whatever it is that you're saying now. I don't think they had any intention of it. I think it's nice because it just shows that they're not thinking that way. Really. Racism is a more pervasive form of racism is like, oh, I want to make this joke. Oh, don't do it because she's black or Hispanic or whatever. Oh, you're right, we shouldn't do that. But that is. That's what the Onion probably should have thought. Now, it's one of those things where, A, they're the Onion, so they make jokes. B, obviously nobody thinks she's a cunt. That's why they. That's the joke. That's why they said it. And then people get into this stuff all the time where they go, listen, listen, listen, I've got a great sense of humor, I'm into free speech, but this isn't funny. And I go, well, you.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no excuse for calling a child that word. I've read that so many times.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, look, I say they're the Onion that can do whatever they want. And she's nine years old and at the Oscars, she's way ahead of wherever we were at age.

[Lisa Loeb]

Hopefully she's not reading tweets at age 9.

[Brian Bishop]

And if she does read this, she'll probably laugh about it. Yeah, because here's the whole thing. Do they think she's a cunt? That's the part we never.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the whole point of the joke. They don't.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they don't. Nobody does. She has a million dollar smile. And yeah, she probably has a sister that's a year older. Think she's a cunt for going to the Oscars. Or God forbid, nine years older and working at a Wendy's. Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, am I alone in not being so outraged over the word Pam? I ask you because they're dudes.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, I don't have a problem with the word cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, well, here's just in general, here's.

[Lisa Loeb]

Because you don't.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't.

[Lisa Loeb]

You do.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have problems with that.

[Brian Bishop]

There used to Be a little something called. There was a very popular saying called sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me. And that's what we used to say on every schoolyard growing up. And now everyone is just being fucking railroaded because they said this or expressed that. And again, comedians, it's one thing when the great Jesse Jackson says it or when a politician or somebody's in the clergy or a school teacher says it. Comedians now are being held to the same standard that politicians are being held to. And that's insane because as I was saying to someone I was being interviewed this morning, I can run chase my kid through the house and yell, I'm gonna kill you, you little cunt. What are you talking about? That's much different than a cop saying I'm gonna kill you to me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a comedian. I'm kidding. Even if you're not a comedian, you can say I'm gonna kill you if you don't bust your dishes. Or you can go, I'm gonna kill you. And that's two different things. And when a comedian says it, it's always for the sake of getting a rise out of somebody or for an entertainment purpose. That's why they do it. They never think whatever is, is. So the idea that we're now in a society that is everything else is moving forward at a breakneck speed. Meaning you turn on the X Games, you see guys doing double backflips on a motorcycle like shit they never even thought of. You watch the NBA halftime dunk competition. Guys jumping over Winnebagoes and slam it doing tomahawk dunks. Everything is all the programming, all the tv, all the video games, all the websites, the pornographic websites, the ones dedicated to Danny Thomas and things like that. Everything is complete. The envelope is not only pushed, we blew the bottom of it out with shit. But we're cracking down on the comedians and the words they say that part. We've reeled it back to post all in the Family or pre all in the Family. Like we're going back to the 50s with this stuff. Carroll O'Connor used to walk around calling Michael Stivic a Polack. That won't do anymore. So in every other realm, sexual scatological violence. Oh my God. The commercials for these fucking horror movies are scarier than any movie I saw when I was a kid. I mean, there's run these things at 6:30 in the evening and it's like, hi, Daddy, and she's hanging from the ceiling and From a meat hook. And I'm like, you're putting this in the commercial that my kid's watching this. We're eating dinner, watching the Bachelor, watching the Bachelor's 8:30 in the evening. I'm trying to beat all. I mean, we're watching the Bachelor and that's fine, no problem. Video games, everything else. But words from comedians bring it in to 1956.

[Adam Carolla]

It seems like feigned outrage because I don't believe anyone is actually outraged over words unless there's a violent intent.

[Lisa Loeb]

You know, what's funny is also, you know, I don't know if everybody in the world knows the Onion. And so maybe some people are reading it and thinking it's an actual thing. They don't know what the Onion is.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, look, either way, you are protected when you do satire or comedy. I believe you can turn people off with your brand of humor and have them go, oh, that crossed the line for me. I have a 9 year old girl who was recently nominated for an Academy Award. So I, as a parent of a nine year old who was nominated for a statue, knows and I don't appreciate and then not go on their website, but you don't have the right to be outraged. And by the way, I'll tell you, the people that are actually outraged are right up there with the people that actually think people they call racist or racist or misogynist or homophobic or what have you. You think they actually think that like, like I'm scared of gay people or I hate gay people? Like they don't. They call. They say that to me all the time. They fucking well know that's not the case. There's no documentation of that. And by the way, I live in Hollywood, for Christ's sake. Like what? Just scared. Like, I see a gay guy come down the street, lock the door.

[Lisa Loeb]

He just can't be around little, little people.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just. Oh, is that from. Oh, Pam, please tell that story.

[Lisa Loeb]

He just. I don't think it's just a thing that Adam. It's just like we did a pilot and there was. We were doing a scene with our little son. We had a son who was older too, but the little boy was there. And so we walk in and nobody told us that he wasn't gonna be there.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they. Oh, no, I knew he wasn't gonna be there because they fired the kid. Kevin Hench said, don't hire. When he sent in his videotape from Canada, Kevin Hench said, why are you hiring this kid? We've never met before. And they said, shh, we're producers. We know what we're talking about. Flew the kid in from, like, Montreal. He stunk. And they put him on a plane that night and sent him back to Canada. All right? Then the next kid we got, that's when we didn't have a kid.

[Lisa Loeb]

Okay, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

But we had to rehearse anyway. And when you need to rehearse and you need to do a run through in front of the network brass and you don't have a son, you need someone who's three foot tall. And that would be a haggard dwarf. A haggard dwarf?

[Dawson]

Does he have to be haggard?

[Lisa Loeb]

He was my friend.

[Brian Bishop]

He was a 50 year old guy with a crinkled up face. He was wearing a cabbie hat.

[Lisa Loeb]

He's sexy.

[Brian Bishop]

And in front of everyone in the network, I had to take a knee and say, josh, you're my son. You're my boy. I'm smelling like cigarette breath coming off of him. And you know I love you. That's why it's important you don't drop out a Little League. It's like he was born in the 50s.

[Lisa Loeb]

He was crying. He was Adam's time.

[Brian Bishop]

How the fuck am I supposed to act with a dwarf that's older than me?

[Lisa Loeb]

He's also. The guy is, like the nicest guy. And he is married to Kathy, who played my daughter's stand in on Lucky Louie.

[Brian Bishop]

Find a picture of this guy, what's his name? Because you'll never stop laughing.

[Lisa Loeb]

So he's the nicest guy in the world. I love him.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, but you understand saying to him, you're my boy, my flesh. You're like.

[Lisa Loeb]

You're like. You're gonna get out there and throw a.

[Dawson]

Okay, dad.

[Brian Bishop]

One day when you get to the fourth grade, you're gonna understand. All right, Pops? It's like.

[Lisa Loeb]

It was awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

You expect me to act with an old dwarf?

[Lisa Loeb]

It was one of the greatest moments of your life.

[Brian Bishop]

Come on now. The greatest moment, my life is when we got back to the. When we got back to the bungalow and we said, well, we're shooting the next day and we need a sun because the dwarf ain't cutting it. And we brought in two kids.

[Lisa Loeb]

I don't remember any of this.

[Brian Bishop]

There he is.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, my God, that's Joe. What's his name?

[Adam Carolla]

Next to a ruler.

[Lisa Loeb]

You guys are magical.

[Brian Bishop]

I had to take a knee and act. I told you. He's wearing a cabbie hat and I had to act.

[Lisa Loeb]

That's Joe, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I had to call him a Boy and explain to him how I know it's scary to go out there and play Little League.

[Lisa Loeb]

He's the best.

[Brian Bishop]

But all the little boys are gonna talk. That's who I had to act. I should get a fucking Golden Globe.

[Dawson]

Those are Daisy Dukes.

[Lisa Loeb]

You guys should upload my porn for.

[Brian Bishop]

Me, because that's who I had to act with. That was my son.

[Lisa Loeb]

He's the best.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, he's the best.

[Adam Carolla]

He looks like a good sport.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you gotta go to abcarolla.com and take a look at this. All right? The point is this.

[Lisa Loeb]

I love Joe, all right?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm fond of him as well.

[Lisa Loeb]

I know.

[Dawson]

You told him you loved him. You were proud of him.

[Brian Bishop]

You can't write this right, can you? It's impossible to write. So they send the one kid that hench said. Hench said, don't hire him. We haven't met him. And they said, shh, we're producers. We know what we're doing. And then they sent him back. By the way, they never say, I guess you're right about that, hench. We owe you one. Nope, they don't say shit because they're super arrogant producers.

[Lisa Loeb]

It's a hench hunch.

[Brian Bishop]

And then that's him. Look into the eyes of that man. And by the way, that's an old picture.

[Lisa Loeb]

Stop it.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay? That's who I'd act with as my son.

[Dawson]

It's airbrushed.

[Brian Bishop]

So I said we had to find my son, and we had to find him for the next day. The next day. And we brought in two more kids. One in from Dallas. Dad was an airline pilot, and another kid. And we brought the two kids in and they auditioned for me and I read with them, and then they both left. And we all looked at each other and we said, well, we like that first kid. He was good. The other kid was not good, but the first kid was good. And since we're shooting tomorrow, that's our son. So we said, lloyd, take that kid in and give him to the producer. Give him to the network, and we're going tomorrow. And he said, I'm bringing both kids in. And I said, then Kevin Hansch once again spoke. Why give him a choice? What if they pick the wrong kid? What if they like the kid that we don't like? And then we got to shoot with him tomorrow. He said, I'm a producer. I've been doing this for a long time. I know what I'm doing. He then took them into network, both kids. Guess which one they picked. The One I didn't want to work with, the one I didn't like. We then shot the pilot the next day and at the end of the pilot shoot, the same producers walked up to us and went, well, that kid didn't work out, he's not gonna make it. And never say, they never go, wow, do I feel stupid. No, it's all just fucking bluster and fucking smoke now. That kid, that kid was just gone. We couldn't get him. They couldn't coax, coax a reaction out of him. He just couldn't. The thing that was crazy about this kid, I remember very well is he was comatose through the entire shooting of the sitcom. Like, more energy, more energy. At the end when they do that thing and the audience is all clapping like Pam Adlon, Adeline. And they're like, timmy Johnson, he ran out and did a home run swing. And I was like, well, now you're moving, now you're moving, I hate you. And went, now we're moving. But oh my God, producers never go, well, I guess you're right. Times two or three on the kids, Kevin Hench. And that's what they do and that's why you don't work with them. But yes, I forgot. I mean, you have no idea. I was not rehearsing with the dwarf, I was doing a network run through with a bunch of women sitting on folding chairs right in front of me. You know, I have a fake dinner table and he's sitting in front of me and all the women are sitting behind him. So you're like looking at them and you're looking across the table and going, no son of mine is going to drop out of T ball. Now listen. And I'm staring to a 52 year old dwarf's face.

[Lisa Loeb]

I hate you. The next news story.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I said about that experience? I said, and by the way, Pam, you tell me, why don't those bitches sit up in the bleachers who run the fucking network? No, they're horrible. No, they're horrible. They're all fired, they're all gone. They're not funny at all. They're hacks. And they're all gone. And I'll never go to work for them again. I can say whatever I want. Fuck them, fuck all you. But here's the point. Those bitches that work there, that don't have an ounce of funny in them, that are telling you how to do comedy, why do they have to sit at the edge of the stage and freak you out, why can't they sit up in the fucking bleachers and take the retarded notes.

[Lisa Loeb]

I don't even remember anything about it. I just remember.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, you want to work? You want to work?

[Lisa Loeb]

I like work.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't give a. I know I got a pirate ship. Kiss its ass. Kiss its rudder, you bitches. And by the way, I hope you're all fired, because you're super Lambo in my living living room, super duper unfucking funny and talentless. And the same with all the producers, because you'll all go yourselves. All right, let's wrap it up.

[Adam Carolla]

That's news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt. Here's an F. You're a dumb. Go yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

I just. That was the news with Alex. Who wants to go through that fucking mess where you have imbeciles giving you notes, like literal imbeciles and rich, cocky imbeciles giving you condescending notes? Fuck that. I'll never do that shit again. They can all fuck themselves. And by the way, they're fucked because they're talentless. They're talentless. I'm never gonna do it again. Fuck them. How did.

[Lisa Loeb]

You did it again after us? You did one.

[Brian Bishop]

I did a Fox. We did the Fox one.

[Lisa Loeb]

How was.

[Brian Bishop]

Weren't you in that? That wasn't you?

[Lisa Loeb]

No, you got a blonde, I think.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it was an animated pilot.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, you did an animated one.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You were in it. You were his.

[Brian Bishop]

I think you were in it.

[Lisa Loeb]

Oh, no, no, no. I heard you did. No, we did that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, she's asking if you did another TV pilot.

[Lisa Loeb]

After TV pilot, something was happening. I was in New York and somebody told me that you were doing a pilot.

[Brian Bishop]

That was. But Fox was the last. I dealt with all the unfunny bitches at cbs, and then I dealt with all the unfunny bitches at NBC. Not that they're bad people. They're talentless and they have no sense of humor, and they're trying to give you notes on comedy. And same with the producers. Not that they're bad people. They're talentless, and they bring nothing to the equation except for they muck it up. And I'll never work with those fucking hacks again because they. They're needless. They're basically like people who get between your idea and the execution of your idea and feed you horrible ideas. And they're not ideas, they're commands. They're not requests, they're commands. And then they fuck up whatever your idea is, and they're arrogant about it and they get paid way too much and eventually they'll all be out of work. Because the way the new world order is working is we don't have room in the budget for talentless, arrogant hacks who bring nothing to the equation. It's like Louis ck, He's doing his own thing. He doesn't listen to the hacks, does he?

[Lisa Loeb]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. Godaddy baby. Oh yeah. You want to help the pirate ship? Give a Little love to GoDaddy. Just 295 for a domain name. Mmm. Danica. So close to winning that 500 over the weekend. 295 each and that's for the first three, $7.99. After that, each one comes with a free one page instant website, personalized email and built in photo album. And you know, GoDaddy. GoDaddy baby. Promo code Adam295. That's how you get the deal in your [e-mail] that is Adam, the number two, the number nine and the number five. GoDaddy. Alright, let's see, where the hell were we? David Wilde, was he in here today?

[Adam Carolla]

He was.

[Brian Bishop]

You can get his book, diary of a Player he wrote for Brad Paisley and you can get it at Amazon and you know, click through the Adam Crow link there and hit the Amazon button and show us a little love, baby. Tweet him at Wild about music. Pamadlon. Always a breath of patchouli scented fresh air. TV show Californication going on its 19th season. No, seventh, seven seasons Sunday and also.

[Lisa Loeb]

Out there on IFC Friday nights.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, out there. Quincy Show, 10:30 Sunday nights. And speaking of Sunday, 10:30, Showtime, Showtime, Californiacation. So website, by the way, you can go to show.com if you want to find out anything about the show. So until next time, Sam Krome, Pam Adlon, David Wilde, Allison Rosen and bald Bryan saying mahalo, stay young and tight.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Cole show 1023. Coming up for our final clip today we have Adam Cole show 1025 featuring Lisa Low, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop also from 2013.

[Brian Bishop]

Check it out. Welcome newly engaged Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you very much.

[Brian Bishop]

And the bald one, bald Brian, fighting cold off. Yeah, he's got a frog in his throat. So that's what's going on. But don't worry, he's got nimble fingers. Lisa Loeb. Sweet, sweet Lisa Loeb coming in in a couple of few. So much to talk about. First, just quickly, if anyone wants just a little window into my psyche, how I Approach life, Matt the Porcelain Punisher Fondelier. I feel good. What's up, boss? Matt was driving me and Mike August to Burbank Airport on Saturday to go off and do a little gig over there with Dr. Drew in Denver. So earlier in the week, I said, what time does the flight leave, Matt? 12:10, boss. 12:10. And I said, all right. Saturday, 12:10. All right, then what time did I say you should come pick us up? Initially, you said 11:15. 11:15. And I thought about it later in the week, and this sequestration thing was starting to freak me out, you know what I mean? All the airport stuff. So I thought, hmm, cutting back on staff could be lines. I don't live that close to Burbank Airport, by the way. So I. I updated my time schedule, and I said, new time to pick us up, which was what time, Matt? 11:10, boss. Wow, you picked us up at 11:10? Oh, yeah. I mean, I was in front of.

[Dawson]

Your house at 11 o. 9, 58, 59.

[Brian Bishop]

Boom. Front porch. There we went. And you dropped us off at the Burbank airport. And I had time enough to go through security and then have a beer at the bar before we hopped on the Southwest flight. That was nice. Even nicer was I got a call. Now, keep in mind, I'm traveling with my ex manager, Howard Lapides, which is always a little comfortable. Comfortable. But speaking of comfortable, Howard goes three bills. Howard's a lot of man. Oh, and Mike August is no Tinkerbell either. And this is Southwest, right? So it's full flight, and we're all in the same row. This is Southwest is built for five, eight, and a half, I think. You know, they say the average man. I'll just say the average woman. The average woman is, you know, five, six. The average man is five, ten, and a quarter something. Average Southwest seat is basically built for five, nine, one, six five. This is 302, 200, and 200. And everyone's got some shoulder on him in the same row. And the only thing I had this great moment where James Babydoll Dixon just happened to call me just as I was getting. Getting into the. Getting into the. Like, they're calling me to go onto the Southwest flight, where I knew I was gonna be sitting next to these huge behemoths for the next two and a half hours. And he called me and he said, where you going, baby? And I said, I'm at the airport. I'm going. I'm going to Denver, do a gig. He said, oh, I'm with John I'm doing a gig in North Carolina. And I knew it. I knew he flew the netjet. He flies the Net jets. And he'll do the. You get the G4. Sometimes you get stuck with the G6. You don't want the Fokker 800. Fokker 800 is no good. Fokker. He's memorized every plane in the NetJets fleet and then repeats them to me. And he's miserable. If he gets Anything under the G4, whatever it is, he needs something with a ceiling above 32,000 and a range that's Continental. Meanwhile, So I said to him, well, thanks, baby doll, but I'm about to go pack onto this plane with Mike and Howard, and he just starts laughing his ass off. And he starts laughing. He's like, yeah, you're gonna be packed. And he's laughing. I'm getting on a Southwest flight with Mike and Howard. And he knows Howard, he knows his carriage, and he knows Mike, and he knows they both can talk and he knows I can talk. And he starts laughing and he goes, if that plane crashes, those two are gonna be on top of you. And I said, thanks, baby doll. Thanks for that. I'm getting onto the plane. And he went, oh, sorry. He took it in. He took it in. But he had a nice laugh. Nothing better. Nothing better than that nice laugh before you get on the plane with the ex manager with the huge carriage.

[Adam Carolla]

Where was Drew?

[Brian Bishop]

Drew was coming in from Newark, and that was Drew's thing. So he was coming in from Newark and we were coming in from Burbank. Yes.

[Dawson]

Why was Lapidus going?

[Brian Bishop]

Fine, fine question.

[Dawson]

Seems odd for a minute.

[Brian Bishop]

We had a. Well, a. Ironically. Not a lot on his plate ironically, but we had some business. Mike had set up a business meeting with some folks after the show. And you know, he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Howard, he's in Denver, Hub of business.

[Brian Bishop]

Hub of business. So he is his business guy. I had this great experience, which is. And by the way, this whole sequestration thing had screwed me up because. Do you have Maxine Waters? I was worried. I was worried as hell, because she's one of our representatives out here. Do we have her? I'll play in a second. Here's Maxine. Remember, I've basically been calling her Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son for about the last 15 years, ever since I met her on. I met her on Bill O'Reilly's. Oh, no, not Bill O'Reilly. Bill Maher's show, Politically Incorrect. Yeah, a million years ago. And I said, hey, Maxine, Waters. I said this morning after Pill, this would be a good thing for you to get behind. And she said, the medical science is still out on that and started to walk away. And I said, no, it's not. No, it's not. It's not an abortion pill. It's the morning after.

[Adam Carolla]

You were doing Love Wine at the time, right?

[Brian Bishop]

So you were into it. Drew was into it. I was into it. I was like, why isn't everyone getting into this stuff? You know Bill Maher's show? Yeah, I said that.

[Dawson]

Oh, sorry about that.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I came back and fixed it. But anyway, so I said, why not? She said, the science is still out. Still not good on it. And I said, yeah, it is. And then that's when I realized how politicians work. But anyway, here's. According to her, this is how many people are going to be out of work. And this is why I wanted to leave a full five minutes earlier to the airport. That if sequestration takes place, that's going to be a great setback. We don't need to be having something like sequestration that's going to cause these job losses. Over 170 million jobs that could be lost.

[Adam Carolla]

My Seacrest keeps popping into my head, and I couldn't figure out why. It's because it sounds like people are saying Seacrestation.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, first off, there's not Seacrestation of America. There's not 170 million jobs in the country. There's like 135 million. So it's going to be tough to hire on 35 million airport employees in the next 12 hours maximum. But you may want to check some of those numbers. It's gonna be really difficult. Now, I know there's at least 10 or 11 people here that I employ that won't be laid off because of this. So you see, her math, she has an issue with her math, which is she has now compiled a number that's higher than actual jobs. Not federal jobs, just jobs.

[Dawson]

That's not the only thing she has a problem with. That was a speech, not an interview. She shouldn't be saying. Uh, and, um, that much like that was a planned written address.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you heard our leaders speak? They're not that good. For the most part. They seem a little bit out of it. But anyway, stay the course. Stay the course. All right. So much to talk about a couple things. So went to Apple Jack's out there in deep, deep Denver. And this ain't Denver. This is halfway to Golden, Colorado. Like, you passed Denver and was doing A Mangria tasting. And it was nice to see that when we pulled up, the line was going out the door and literally around the corner. And I said to Mike, when we pulled up, how many cases did these guys order? And he said, they ordered 40 cases. And I said, good, smart. Finally, someone who made a nice order, they'll give these people their Mangria and then they'll have 10 or 20 cases left behind. They'll sell that to whoever comes in the next day, in the subsequent days and weeks. And I walked in and the manager met me at the door and I said, how we doing out here? And he said, doing good. And I said, what are we looking like? And he said, they're all gone. I said, wait a second, I haven't started yet. I just got there. He said, no, 40 cases gone. Wow, 40 cases gone. The people at the end of the line had no bottles for me to sign like that.

[Dawson]

I know how you think. You must have thought, what the hell am I doing here? We've sold all our cases.

[Brian Bishop]

Why am I a big three event? I took a picture with every human being who waited in line. But I did have this thing, and we talk about all the time. The attractive blonde lady came up, put the arm around, signed the bottle, took the picture, the line literally just went down the line, then turned out the door, made a quick right and went all the way down the sidewalk. And I could see it through all the glasses. This place is massive. She put her arm around me. She said, quite a diva, huh? Showing up late and leaving early. And I was like, fuck you. I was like, first off, I was in fucking LA five hours ago. This place is not in Denver. It's way out. It's an hour from the airport. I landed at 3:30. I got there at like 4:25. Secondly, the thing starts at 4. I'm allowed to get there. 425, that's fine. And thirdly, we're almost at the end of the line. I'd sign every human being's bottle, every box set of the man show, every Hammer dvd, every book. All I did, all she did was watch me sign bottles and books for the last hour nonstop and take pictures with people. So that was awesome. Had another Lizzie.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you actually say anything to her, though?

[Brian Bishop]

I said, I'm staying here and signing until the line is gone. So there will be no leaving late. Everyone will be signed. And then I usually go into a fuck you, we're not taking a picture thing. But I was so jazzed that we'd sold 40 cases of this stuff that I was like, oh, fuck it. And I realized she wasn't really bad. She was kind of doing what she was doing. I got on the airplane this morning. This, by the way, this is where we're heading now, everybody. I got on the airplane this morning. It was a subtle thing. I didn't notice it. I was flying first class back from Denver early this morning. Did the show. Show was great. Signed the books and signed the stuff and did the pictures, all the Drew stuff, and had some really cool stuff. People tell Drew all the time, you changed my life. You got me. Made me decide to go into med school. I want to start working, working with kids because you. I got handed a flag from a veteran that said, this went through three tours of Iraq. I brought it here. It's an American flag. I'm going to put it up. Just some really nice stuff about you changed my life or, you know. I started listening to Loveline when I was 14. My parents just got divorced. You got me through some tough times and really nice. But I was getting on the airplane today. I walked onto the plane and I had a first class ticket. And I said to the stewardess lady there, I said, excuse me. As I was getting on, I said, could I get a Bloody Mary? And she said, what's the magic word? And I paused. Like, I was like, oh. And I went, please. But then I said, now make it a double. But I have to listen. We're now at the place where the first class passenger has to. These people who are working the first class cab and should not be engaged in a what's the magic word? If her and I are just sitting home at her place and we're on the sofa and we're watching our shows, our stories, and I ask her to get up, head into the kitchen, get me Bloody Mary. Then the magic word is please. And there should definitely be a please. And maybe there should always be a please. But I happen to forget to say please.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like your please was implied. You didn't say, get me one.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I said nicely. And I showed her my first class ticket so she knew what was going on, and she made sure that I had to ask her please. And this is a new thing. This did not exist, and it needs to go away again. I'm not saying please is a bad thing, and I'm not saying I was offended or anything by it. But the fact that she burned calories or it was even implied that maybe I wasn't gonna get it if I didn't ask nicely.

[Adam Carolla]

Was she being, like, flirty, funny, or was she being just sort of difficult?

[Brian Bishop]

No, she wasn't. She wasn't being bitchy at all. She just. It was clearly that I asked her to do something for me without following it with a please, because they have gone from sort of sky waitresses to sky marshals in the last 11 years or so, and now it's off even in first class. So had to say that it was weird because I hadn't had anyone say to me in a thousand years, you know, what's the magic word?

[Adam Carolla]

What's what you say to a kid?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It was a weird thing. Like, I didn't know if, you know, I didn't know if it's Smirnoff or Scully. Like, I didn't. I should have yelled magic Machine. Oh, is it one word?

[Dawson]

That's three words.

[Brian Bishop]

Three words. All right. Audible, baby. Audible.com. want to thank them for supporting the show? They have over 100,000 books. Or as Maxine Waters always says, 100 kajillion books you can choose from, including, not taco bell material. 50 years, wallaby chicks. All my books coming in at 7 hours, 59 minutes and 28 seconds. Audible is offering you a free audiobook so you can try it out. I love these guys. I love these audiobooks. And come on, people, let's have some fun and let's do it for free. So you get to choose, baby. 100,000 books. Go to audible.com/ the details are all on the page. That's audible.com/ all right, now, Allison, you want to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I'm dying to know how the game with Bill O'Reilly was. Please.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, first I did and a thing that is very, very me, which is I went down there. I went down there with Mike August and his wife. We drove down together because he was able to get a couple extra tickets. So we went down there and then somehow I had my special VIP ticket. Now, I was told that what we would do is I would walk in and we would eat our special VIP meal in the Lexus Lounge at 6:15. And I would show them. I had to show them my special ticket laminate thing to go to the Lexus Lounge. So I walk in and I show the security staff my Lexus or my. Whatever. My whatever they gave me is what I held up. And I held this thing up. And they said, down here, right this way. And I started, like, walking up, like, some stairs, and they're like, no, no, down there to the right. And I Was like, oh, okay. I walked down the hall. I have no idea. I'm in the bowels of the Staples Center. And then it's like. And then I get to another guard and I hold the thing up and he's like, down there to the right, down to the right. Open the door. It's a very nice lounge, open bar, food buffet, spread out, small sort of tables with high chairs and upscale crowd, and no Bill O'Reilly. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm right on time. Maybe he hit a little traffic. And so look around. I go get myself a drink. I said, this doesn't seem like dinner, but I mean, it's dinner, but it's not, you know, need to be sitting at the table kind of thing. So we go and I get myself a drink. I sit down and start drinking my drink. Then I finish my drink. Then at a certain point, I just make myself a plate and eat my plate. And now it's like 7:00. The game's starting at 7:30. And now it's like, 7, 7, 7:05, 7:10. I'm talking to these dudes, by the way. I'm looking at a guy, looks like he's got a Super bowl ring on. I go, eh, what's that ring for? He goes, sold the most Jack Daniels in the United States seven years running. I said, we'll buddy up with this guy. How many cases of Jack Daniels do you guys move a year? He said, five million. I said, wow, that's a lot. That is a lot. So I said, you guys moved 40 cases? Yeah, dude, you see this cock ring?

[Adam Carolla]

Don't be a 1 upper.

[Brian Bishop]

Like I said before, well, you're gonna. So I said, so I'm talking to these guys from, like, Jack Daniels. And by the way, the guys who sell booze like booze and they like to party. I'm laughing up with those guys. I'm kind of losing track of time. I feel like Bill O'Reilly got stuck in traffic or something. Or maybe he's just going to show up for the tip off or whatever. Eventually, some guy walks up to me and taps me on the shoulder and I said, aren't you supposed to be upstairs with Bill eating dinner? Is it upstairs? Yeah, in the Lexus Lounge. I said, isn't it this? What lounge are we in? Oh, this is not the Lexus lounge. All right, where's the Lexus Lounge? Oh, that's upstairs. Okay. All right. I walk out the front door, show the security guy sitting by the front door. My Laminate. I go, hey, will this get me into the Lexus Lounge? He's like, well, well, that's a floor seat, but I don't know if that'll get you into Lexus Lounge. And I was like, all right, I'm going back in, having another drink, and talking to these Jack Daniel guys. So I just went back into there, talked to the Jack Daniels guys. Eventually, Bill O'Reilly and the rest of the crew came down because I was on the floor, and they were up in the Lexus Lounge shotgunning caviar and mainlining sushi. And then we just went to the game and walked around on floor. Yeah, you sit next to, you know, Will Arnett was right next to me. And who was he with? He was with a guy, you know who gets all these tickets is agents. So they take their clients. That's who it is. It's always agent and client. And Zach Galifianakis was pointed out that he was on the other side on the floor. But, yeah, you're just right next to the bench. And it was fun. I mean, it was. Well, the problem is Dr. Drew told me it would be life altering.

[Adam Carolla]

Which part of it?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. Just being on the floor, I knew. See, for me, I don't drive a convertible because I don't like being seen. Really Feels weird to me. So being on the floor feels weird because I know. Then everyone goes, oh, there's him.

[Adam Carolla]

Will Arnett is telling someone that Adam Carolla was right by him.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I guess so. Man, you've got a real problem. And so I just sat. I just. I just sat. We just sat, watch the game. But the game was a crazy blowout, and. But, I mean, these guys are incredible athletes. You feel the floor. You know, your feet are on the floor that they're using, so it's kind of vibrating. And, you know, the tennis shoes are squeaking and they're moving around, and these guys are behemoths. And Kobe was playing great. It was cool. Like, you know, check that off the list.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel like you got to know Bill O'Reilly?

[Brian Bishop]

No, not. Not at all. Because a. I missed the entire Lexus Lounge thing. I did not. Mike and Doreen, his wife, did go up to Alexis Lounge, by the way, and eat with Bill O'Reilly. He can find free. He's like a truffle pig.

[Dawson]

He had just finished dinner for buffets.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, finished dinner downtown.

[Adam Carolla]

Even a blind pig can stumble on a buffet.

[Brian Bishop]

We didn't eat dinner together. I was down in the other lounge God forbid somebody go, hey, there's a Lexus lounge upstairs. I don't know the many lounges. So also, honestly, I look at it as an excuse to. No one shows up. I'll just stay here and drink with these Jack Daniels guys and it'll be cool.

[Dawson]

But someone did show up.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they did. But at that point, there's about 15, 20 minutes left, and it's. And still the ticket. I can't. My whole thing with the security guards is if they go, you can't get in. I'm not pushing my way past anybody. So anyway, then we got a little FaceTime in when we were hanging out, watching game, talking about playing a little ball. He played quarterback in college, by the way. Played some football and talked to him. He played basketball as well. He's a tall dude. He's like six, four.

[Dawson]

Do you remember where? Probably not, but was it like a major college?

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's a smaller. Smaller school. Smaller school. And yeah, there's a. You can see a picture of me. I was talking to a guy named Norm Pattison. Then the guy next to him is Will Arnett's guy. Who's next to him. They take the celebrities and they break them up, you know. All right, let's see. So it's weird. I didn't, you know, it was a blowout. So I think with about four or five minutes left in the game, it was sort of like, ready to go there. Yeah, says the man whose middle name is literally, Lakers is sitting courtside tonight. Welcome stables. And the Lakers guys.

[Dawson]

The Lakers tweeted that.

[Brian Bishop]

The Lakers tweeted that out. The Lakers guys were really nice. They came down and gave my kids, like, little gift baskets.

[Adam Carolla]

That's nice.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, with like little foam fingers and stuff. So they can believe that they're number one for just a while longer.

[Dawson]

Were they doubting it?

[Brian Bishop]

Never, never, never, never. Did my kids think they weren't number one. A lot of people been giving a lot of positive feedback on Gavin Newsom in here. Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom. And I thought he was a good sport for hanging in. People do this. People are like tweeting, like, you got to get him in here once a week so you guys can realize, oh, no, he will not be. He'll not be coming back. And people don't understand that. And then people also don't realize that politicians work in little itty bitty bites. They're finger food. They don't go long form. You won't find it. And their politicians explanation, debating skills, defense of whatever their Assertion is it only goes like. It's an onion that you peel it twice, and there's a tennis ball under there. It does not go that deep. It doesn't go deep because it's a corked onion. It's a corked onion. It's a tennis ball with two onions, two onion leaves on it. And as soon as you pull it, you get to just the thing that says Wilson. And they do it. Here's how they work. I mean, they're trained to do this. They're like. They're sprinters. They're not long distance runners. They get into it with somebody about a topic. They make some general sweeping thing where they go, I believe every young man and every young woman should have a shot at education. And you go, okay. And then you get into it for a little bit and then some. They'll trot out the race card a little bit. As he brought out 1967 in 13 states, a black man couldn't marry a white woman. Oh, that. That's the problem. That's the problem with check cashing places. Why didn't you. I had no idea. So this will never be fixed or. It'll be fixed in 100 years. He made the mistake of bringing up race and check cashing, by the way. He was also raised by single mom. Gavin Newsom. Was, except for his dad. Did what? You see that, Allison?

[Adam Carolla]

It's actually blocked by the microphone.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, I will unblock it and we can find out who Gavin Newsom's dad, because he did. He did the. He comes from humble, humble upbringings.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Humble.

[Adam Carolla]

William Alfred Newsom III went to Stanford Law School and was admitted to the California Bar in 1962. He worked as legal adviser to the Italian division of Getty Oil and then as a tax attorney for the Getty family.

[Brian Bishop]

This sounds pretty good, right? He sat here and gave the. Hey, man, I know what it's like to come from tough times.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Your dad was a Getty Oil tax attorney. Doesn't sound like your average. Well, let's see. We all know that's hard Scrabble right there. Right?

[Dawson]

Did he say his dad, like, left them or something? I don't remember.

[Adam Carolla]

I think his dad. His dad left when he was one and a half and wasn't really around.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But the checks were coming in from Getty Oil and he was around. Yes. A lot of people are divorced. That's different than out of the kid's life. Look, I'm just saying politicians and Gavin Newsom aren't used to being as they say in the fight game, dragged out into the deep water and drown. That's what they say in the fight game.

[Dawson]

What does that mean?

[Brian Bishop]

It means forced to. Don't go for the knockout in the first round. Tire him out, bring him into the late rounds, fatigue him, and then you'll get your knock. You'll get your knockout in the 11th round. Oh, you rope a doped him, you drag them out. But they don't go long form. And that's the problem. They go short bits, short sound bites. I have a point. I will make some sort of point that makes you sound vaguely racist and then we'll get into this. Well, we'll agree to disagree or I'm for, you know, this. And then some guys, the host or the moderator's gonna jump in and go, that's all the time we have. Or we gotta, we gotta move on. Moving on to another topic, they just move on, move on, move on. And they don't really have to prepare for 12 round fights. They do half round fights, they move on. And with me, and God bless him, I was enjoying it, but I wanted to get to the answer. And I didn't feel like he was getting to the answer. I don't know what his answer was. For all the blacks and Hispanics who are at the check cashing place, he, he knew what the answers weren't. It wasn't education and it wasn't the family. It wasn't the family. That much he knew. But he didn't know what the answers were. But then he did seem to know that family and education was important, but not that important.

[Dawson]

You did what like Rocky did to Ivan Drago, you know, Cause Drago killed people in the first round. You took them all away. And therefore.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Now, he's not a stupid man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do have to say that I hear what you're saying, but I thought that he was able to debate more than a lot of politicians, I would imagine.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, he's bright, he's articulate and he's not dumb and he's educated. His problem is, as I said to Mike lynch on my way in and as I've said to my wife many.

[Adam Carolla]

Many times that he's ridiculously good looking.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I'm talking about me. Yeah, no, I said he is easy on the eyes and he's a very charismatic guy. No, his only, he had only one problem. He was wrong. When Lynette says, why do you win every argument? I go, I only argue when I'm right. Thus I have a Crazy batting average. It'd be like a surgeon who only worked on healthy people. I don't work on the elderly. And you take you and your tumor and I'll show you to the front door. I only work on super strong 18 year old males who play junior college football and who have no pre existing condition.

[Dawson]

My tumor's in remission.

[Adam Carolla]

Great.

[Dawson]

I'll see you tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

See you tomorrow.

[Dawson]

Operating table.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't argue unless I'm right. And Gavin Newsom was not right. He did as good a job as arguing as you can possibly do when you don't have statistics or anything whatsoever to back you up. As a matter of fact, the statistics are overwhelmingly against you. So he did as good a job as he could possibly do. Better than most, considering he had nothing to back up any of his points. That's why you didn't hear anything coming from him. He had a few things where he liked to take on problems and work small to big, which is not exactly what I want government doing. I like the big to small part, but. But good guy. You will not see him back here. As much as I liked him, as much fun as I had with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you saying that just based on your sense of things or did. What do you think his reaction was after?

[Brian Bishop]

I believe that he personally was probably okay with it. He probably read a couple of tweets that then made him a little less okay with it. But his people, and those people in general are not gonna come into a long format. They're going to come into a place that's there's an agreement, it's a little bit of pro wrestling, which is you're not going to go on your Sunday morning news program, get the shit kicked out of you and come back. You just won't come back. So there's a sort of tacit agreement that they have. I mean, look, Even guys like O'Reilly and guys, there's a sort of understanding that, look, we want you back. We don't agree, you don't agree with us, but we have a relationship here. Somebody's throwing down garbage. I got the stick with the nail in it. I may not like what you're doing, but I kind of need you. Otherwise I'm going to be out of a job. So they have that agreement. We don't have that agreement here. And it's too long. Everybody has to go to commercial break, everyone else has to wrap it up, everyone else's publicist gets involved, blah, blah, blah. So I'm not saying no, he's a coward. He wouldn't show his face. I don't feel like his team would permit him to come here, and thus, I don't feel like a lot of people's teams would permit them.

[Dawson]

Yes, Brent, I like Gavin Newsom. I thought he was a good mayor when he was in San Francisco, but I was a little disappointed in him when he was here because it seemed like at a certain point, you know, you guys, I don't want to call it a breakthrough. You're so close to actually having a real discussion about some real problems. And he was, in my mind, so obviously dancing around things he couldn't say because of his constituency or because of who he is on the Democratic ticket or party. And it was a really good interview, but I was hoping that he would, you know, come just a little farther.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he can't alienate his constituency. But here's the problem. Here's the bigger problem. You're not hurting these people by attempting to realistically face what is a problem. That is what politicians are supposed to do. School teachers are supposed to do it. Coaches are supposed to do it. Parents are supposed to do it. If there is a problem, whether it's your child and your child is just not doing well at math, it's not your job to look at a bunch of, you know, 2 times 7 is 15. You're right, Johnny. You're right. It's like the kid is going to wish us into the cornfield, except for these are whole classes and races and genders and whatever groups. The point is, is your job is to try to help correct this and get your kid's math score up. And every once in a while, and oftentimes it involves an answer that your son, little Johnny's not going to like, which is, this is wrong. You need to go back and work harder at it and get that score up. That's what you need in sports. That's what you need in the classroom. That's what you need in relationships. That's what you need in family. And that's what politicians need to do with their constituency. They should be coach, teacher, psychologist. Really. Who goes, look, what is the problem? Why are we getting scored on? How come we're not scoring enough? No, that's not how you handle the ball. You got to pass off. You're not doing it right. And by the way, if you keep dribbling, going coast to coast, and then shooting up bricks, I'm going to bench you, and I'm going to get someone who knows how to pass and move the ball down the court. This is exactly what me and O'Reilly were talking about. No, but that's what they need to be doing now. Unfortunately, they got out of that business a long time ago. It's not popular because Johnny don't want to be corrected. Johnny wants an A in math. But if Johnny's standing outside the check cashing place, then what's the diploma mean? That's what I'm saying. So I, all I want to do is figure out what the problem is, address it realistically. There can be arguments and debates within that, within that discussion, but don't pretend like these things don't exist. And by the way, check cashing places, they do gouge people who don't have a choice. But the, but announcing that many black people don't have access to checking accounts, that's got to be fixed now. We got to address that. Is that the banks problem? Are banks racist? What's going on? It's not that hard to get a checking account. I was a poor loser my entire life with a poor loser family my entire life. And I got a checking account when I was 19. I went in and I, I got one. And then they do the, they don't have, by the way, when you do that, they don't have access and they can't get an id. It sounds like we're talking about a different species here. It's not like we're talking. We're all human beings, everybody's equal. Right. It's not that difficult. Let's start approaching it like that. There's a kind of a racism in the. You can't expect these people. I mean, that's, that's insanity to me.

[Dawson]

It reminds me of something Theresa used to say a lot, which was there should be like basic life skills class in high school, like how to open a checking account. Because if you just start teaching it to teenagers. Teenagers shouldn't know how to open a checking account, but a 22 or 25 year old should.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, agreed. But a lot of these kids aren't seeing high school, number one, and number two, their parents.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Should be helping them. And together.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, that's the thing that. Actually I was just talking about, about this with my sister and her husband, who are both public defenders and who's. We were talking about this issue and like their clients would never have a checking account, even though many of them probably could get a checking account. It's just their families don't have them. Like, they don't even. It's not Even generation. You get a check, you just go to the check cash.

[Brian Bishop]

I know what it's like. No one in my family had a credit card growing up. It was weird to me to have this kind of stuff. And it's generational. It's bad. And that's why there needs to be an intervention.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's the thing where a better family would solve that problem.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, listen, of course, I mean, here's what you don't want politicians doing. And this is Gavin Newsom, by the way. I'm explaining him. Look, the families and they always go, hey, not all cases. There are many people that come from broken homes. Listen, listen, You're a politician. You're basically a game warden. You're essentially overseeing this big Serengeti filled these different animals. And I'm telling you, please use example. It's not in Africa, the giraffes. That is a neutral animal. Let me check the giraffes. The problem is the power poles are too low and the giraffes are getting electrocuted. They're getting their heads in the power lines. I'm telling you, we got a big problem. A lot of. A lot of giraffes. And your answer is some giraffes make it under that. Right? But a lot of the tall ones don't and they're being electrocuted. I've seen examples where giraffe was on one side, walked under the thing and made it to the other side. Right? But as the game warden, I just.

[Adam Carolla]

Saw a mini giraffe.

[Brian Bishop]

As the game warden, shouldn't you be trying to solve the problem of the giraffes being electrocuted by hitting the things? Not explain to me the hand handful of examples of giraffes that made it under the fucking power lines. You're a politician. Don't give me, you know, I start talking about broken families. He starts talking about, hey, I come from a broken family. My dad, like many, was an attorney for Getty Oil. Dad was an attorney for Getty Oil, all right. He comes from a broken. He turned out okay. All six foot four, teeth and hair of him. Yeah, okay, you turned out fine. A lot of people aren't turning out fine. You brought up the check cashing thing, by the way. You want to get rid of check cash. Those places exist because there's a sad need for them to exist, unfortunately. And yes, they should lower their rates and yes, they should be monitored and regulated. But here's the deal. They're dealing with people who don't have a Whole lot of credit history. And they're taking chances on some of these people. And thus it's a sad part of life. But if you're poor and you want to buy a car, you have to pay 10%. You want to buy it on time. If you're rich, you can get it for 0%. Sad but true.

[Dawson]

I think when you use those examples of. Not you, but when one uses those examples of, oh, I know plenty of families, or there's a lot of people, or there's a lot of people who have. I think you set the discussion back to zero. You all of a sudden start over because, like, yes, we know that there's exceptions, but in general, or there's a large. There's a disproportionate number. It's just constantly resetting the whole discussion.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they have to, because the next progression in the discussion is gonna lead them into a difficult time with their constituency. Although it should not be a difficult time for their constituency. It should be what a doctor says to his patient. Like, you know, he's fat, he smokes, lose weight, stop smoking. Like, don't give that guy a hard time. He'll never come back to your office. No, it's your job as a doctor.

[Dawson]

If I don't give him a hard time, he'll never come back to the office.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we have a couple of clips for those of you who missed it just for fun. I think first is his checking account. I want everybody to plan, look down the road, six months. Yes, your husband lost his job. That's why you need to sock away some money when he's gainfully employed. Yes, they foreclosed on your home. That's why you need to have a network, a community, friends, family members, money put away. Don't have the kids.

[Gavin Newsom]

Half of African Americans in the state of California, roughly half of Latino families have no access to a checking account or an atm. Things we take for granted. They don't have a check.

[Brian Bishop]

What's wrong with them?

[Gavin Newsom]

And what but what? Well, because they don't. They don't have the resources to sock those things away.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do we have them?

[Gavin Newsom]

A lot of different reasons, but roughly half those families don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do Armenians have them?

[Gavin Newsom]

But where they end up is check cashing places.

[Brian Bishop]

But I want to know why those groups? Why those groups? Two groups don't have access.

[Gavin Newsom]

A lot of just happens to be that we can talk about flawed. No, they're hardly flawed. But they're struggling genetically making their word. Hardly. Not absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, so. But do Asians have this problem.

[Gavin Newsom]

I mean, a lot of communities have. A lot of whites have these problems.

[Brian Bishop]

So that's not just black and Hispanic.

[Gavin Newsom]

No, but it.

[Brian Bishop]

But why do you bring up black and Hispanic?

[Gavin Newsom]

Because the magnitude is ominous.

[Brian Bishop]

But why so many of them?

[Gavin Newsom]

It just happens to be.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the way God planned it.

[Gavin Newsom]

Not at all.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, what happened to that?

[Gavin Newsom]

There are a lot of issues and that communities are struggling. A lot of struggling. A lot of different reasons.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there you go. There's all the answers. Problem solved.

[Dawson]

And there's where I'm like, if you just go with the concept, the conceit, we can actually get some interesting discussion on why. But it never got to that point because you kept going back to.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know why.

[Dawson]

There's a lot of reasons.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't worry. He bounced back very strongly on Latino education.

[Gavin Newsom]

I mean, you're. I get your world, Adam, which is a little bit more clean cut and idealistic, a little less pragmatic in terms of the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Pragmatic. They have a problem with family. They have a problem with. They don't focus on education. That. That will get them out of the problem. They're in education.

[Gavin Newsom]

I don't think there's any community that cares more about education than the Latino community.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Gavin Newsom]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Check those test scores.

[Gavin Newsom]

No, people are. I mean, come on, that's not fair. Look at this school system. Look how lousy the system is. Look how lousy the system.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't care who doesn't suck. If you have parents that are together.

[Gavin Newsom]

On education, they care deeply about education, care deeply about health care. They care about these.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, well then why do some groups do so much better?

[Gavin Newsom]

What do you mean by groups a lot? Almost everybody's struggling in some way.

[Brian Bishop]

Huge difference in academic performance between Asians and Hispanics. Yes or no?

[Gavin Newsom]

There's certainly examples within the Asian community. Within the Asian community, there are examples. Chinese community in particular, other members of the Asian community, South Korean, Koreans, generally. That's generally true.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, why is it true? You know what?

[Gavin Newsom]

I'm not a sociologist. I'm not someone. Perhaps you can explain why.

[Brian Bishop]

I've told you why. Why they have a family that puts an emphasis on education, which is a noble thing.

[Gavin Newsom]

And a lot of Latinos have families that put. But a lot, but not enough. African Americans have a lot, but not enough.

[Brian Bishop]

Their families are broken up. Okay, Gavin, I get it. Everything's the same.

[Gavin Newsom]

Not everything.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything's the same.

[Gavin Newsom]

It's the human condition.

[Brian Bishop]

You brought up Hispanic and Blacks because the percentages. All right, there are isolated incidents and examples of Asians performing better than Hispanics. But it's not the rule. Again, what are you doing?

[Dawson]

The science is still out.

[Brian Bishop]

What are you doing? I'm looking. I checked on it. But by the way, the San Francisco Chronicle from 2009 had this whole article about the huge gap between black and Latino and white and Asian. And it's basically in San Francisco or all over the place statewide. But it happened to be his newspaper. In his town, Hispanic students were only proficient 37% of the time. Anyway. There are 31 points behind white students and. And 36 points behind Asian students. So this is from your hometown newspaper, Gavin. But again, not interested in the problem. Listen, all right, so you get the idea. That's. Look, it's sad, and I would like to dress whatever problem. But by the way, I want to address whitey's problems, too. Don't get me wrong. I want everything on the table. Take everything.

[Dawson]

Too much power and influence.

[Brian Bishop]

What? Hold on. No, but all white collar. Whatever white collar shit's going on. I don't like any of them. Whatever's a problem, put it on the fucking table. Remove the gender, the race, and everything else from it, and let's focus on it. I don't want. Well, you know, here's the color of the skin of the person that's not performing academically. I just went, here's the problem. Let's fix it. That's it. That's all. But that makes me a racist. So awesome, everybody. All right, let's see. Lisa Loeb's here. I had something kind of funny. Speaking of ethnicities, we did this thing. I thought it was funny when I did my late night show that lasts about 10 minutes on comedy Central some years back. And by the way, some asswipe tweeted me, and it's fine. I talked about putting money away, being accountable, you know, having something for a rainy day and all that. And I have told the story where I was flat broke and 29, about to turn 30 years old, and my dad told me, sock away some money. Or I think I just turned 30. I just met Jimmy, and he said, sock away some money. And I said, fuck it. I'm going showbiz. I'm gonna make a ton of money, and then I'm gonna seem like an asshole because of how hard I had to work to sock away two grand. And everyone says, well, there you were, not socking away money. True. There I. I was. Not me and my wife, not me and My kids. Not me and anybody. Just me and Ralph and Courtland and the rabbits living in a house in La Crescenta. Just me. I was 30. I had no kids. Yes, I should have had some money socked away, but there were no kids that were on any lunch programs or needed any assistance from anyone else. I had none. I was 30. I was poor. I never wanted kids. I was poor. My math was like, I'm poor enough alone. These kids, they're gonna be eating like, I'm gonna be feeding them sawdust with a mashed up bouillon cube in it. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. All right, we have. Do we have. So I was watching TMZ the other day, and because I'm one of them intellectual snobs, and they. You were judging it, they ran a quick thing. Let's show the TMZ thing from 2003. 13. And now back to stereotypes come to life. Let's spin the wheel of stereotypes to see who we're dealing with today. Is it the Asians?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that's good. You can stop it. You can stop it. All right, so it's the wheel of ethnic stereotypes. I saw that. That's less than a week old. And then I remembered, wait a minute. Did I do something like that? I think we have a clip of that. Loves nascar, lives in trailer park, Serial killer.

[Dawson]

Spinning the wheel.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You realize how silly all these stereotypes are when I break out the wheel. Am I right? Did we. But didn't we have. Did we have the announcement where I said what it was? Anywhere? I will find it. All right. I don't think you should be clapping. All right, you can stop it. I need the one where I say it's the wheel of. All right, anyway, you guys saw it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That is exactly your idea that they are using. What do you make of that?

[Brian Bishop]

I never think of it as them ripping me off.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think it is? It's a great idea that you thought of first.

[Brian Bishop]

If you think. First off, I'm aware that we all have exactly the same brain. I mean, mine's a little nicer. Mine's shinier than a lot of people. Mine's a little different, but true. Yeah, he has a horseshoe crab growing on the back of his. But it was a horseshoe crab. His brain is about same. So as human beings, we're gonna have the same thoughts eventually. Do you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And comedically, when you have a comedic brain, your thoughts are going to be simpatico with others. Some a little better, some a little before. But you're going to have the same thoughts when you drive down a road and you take a van full of comedians and we'll get you this thing in a minute, and you drive by a big sign that says jumbo shrimp on it. Ten comedians in the comic minivan are going to make the same stupid jokes about jumbo and shrimp being put together. Do we have to break down barriers and bridge the racial divide? Tonight, I'm going to prove that there's no truth to ethnic stereotypes, and we're going to have a little fun along the way. It's a little game I like to call the wheel of Ethnic Stereotypes. All right, there you go. That's all. That's all. I just wanted the announcement now that, yeah, that's a good eight years ago, maybe more so. I don't think people rip me off. I think we have. That's from 05. They have the same brain that we're going to come along. And also, here's how people get ripped off. Some guy who's now 26 who works for TMZ saw that when he was stoned and he was 17 and forgot about it, but he did see it. But you don't know how many of other people's ideas that you like. You just sort of make your own. And then you go, hey, that was my idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Every now and then, something will come to me just a tiny bit too fast, and I'll be like, wait, did I think of that or did like that? Just that.

[Brian Bishop]

Whose was that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I usually think.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So I never. I never, you know, and I don't. I'm not like, hey, you guys owe me money. I want my joke back. It was just. I was skipping rope and saw the wheel of ethnic stereotypes, and I thought I did the wheel of ethnic stereotypes, but it was weird. It wasn't, you know, in my book, in 50 years will all be chicks. There's a thing, and it's how you know all the stereotypes. It's all you need to know is spin that wheel and have NASCAR serial killer and trailer parks. Trailer parks. And have it land on the French, which it did. And then it lets you know that everyone has earned their stereotypes. There's no two on there that make sense at all. And that's why we should run with these stereotypes instead of fight them. Yes.

[Dawson]

The one that should. Speaking of your ideas popping up elsewhere, the one that should rub you the wrong way more is we just talked about the bit that you and Jimmy did where you were the Airplane pilots on the Man Show. And you got drunk in the Airplane Pilots? Yeah, it was a hilarious bit on the Man Show. And then Dale and NBC did the exact same bit. Remember they did that thing, what would you do? And it's hidden camera stuff. And the guy gets drunk. It was a drunken pilot at a bar making, oh, I gotta fly in an hour. And, like, what would you do? And it's like, I've seen this. I know what I would do. I laugh my ass off.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. I listen, I take it as a compliment. I just take it as a compliment. Well, that was my idea. As long as it's documented where it's not like, hey, man, that was their idea and you ripped them. That's. You know, when we came out with the man show, they tried to buy it for, I don't know, Spike TV or VH1 or fucking whatever the shitty network was. And we said, no, we're selling it to Comedy Central. They really wanted it. Other network. And then two weeks before the man show came out, they put out the X Show, which was an old dude show, and then basically accused us of ripping them off. That's chicken shit. All right, let's bring the great Lisa Loeb. Sweet, sweet Sound of Lisa Loeb in studio. Next. There we go. Lisa Loeb in the studio. Great to see you, sweetie.

[Mike August]

Hello.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello. No fairy tale. Get it together there, Dawson. He's all over the place because he's smitten by you, as we all are. No fairy tale. Name the album available on Amazon. You know what to do. Want to put a little win in the sails of the pirate ship, me mateys? You go to AdamCroll.com and you click on the Amazon banner and you get the Lisa Loeb album. No fairy tale. Good to see you again.

[Mike August]

You, too. And buy it. Don't just listen to it for free.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, no. Yeah.

[Mike August]

That's what we do these days. We watch music. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Mike August]

Awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

I have family members who are in a book I wrote saying, read fair amount of it on Amazon. Seems pretty good. You're in the book. You don't squeeze the trigger, sweetie.

[Mike August]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

I've read enough. They put a lot on there. Thank you. That's how I got rich.

[Mike August]

My father's a doctor, and people come in all the time who are very, very sweet, and they tell him that they bought the record. And I say, you know what? That's impossible. I've seen exactly how many people have bought the record in Dallas. Well. Or I think people confuse the. I bought it with. They confuse things with. I've actually listened to it and I've purchased it with. I know who you are. I've seen you before. I mean, it's flattering. They mean it to be flattering, and I appreciate that. But it's also wonderful when they take that extra step.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's flatter you with their dollars.

[Brian Bishop]

I have found. And I've always, you know, I've never been this, hey, man, it's the Internet and it's art and it's free, man. It's like, no, it's not. It's somebody putting a lot of work into something and it's money. You have to pay engineers and there's equipment and there's time and everything else. But I think there's an interesting thing that's going on in our society. And you tell me what you think. Lisa Loeb. Okay. Money used to count for more because you held it in your hand.

[Mike August]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Brian Bishop]

You gave it to people. It's like you felt it. And I know a lot of people that just kind of go through life. A lot of my friends, wives, and a few dudes out there that they never really come across money. It's like, I got a credit card, I got a debit card, I got a gas card. And it becomes sort of easy because you never really see it or feel it.

[Mike August]

Right. It's like pretend. I agree. I was thinking about that.

[Brian Bishop]

You just feel that way, too.

[Mike August]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No one would ever lean into your car with the window open and grab your CD off your passenger seat.

[Mike August]

You're right. Oh, my gosh.

[Brian Bishop]

When you think about it that way, it's tangible. Like, no decent person would do that. But hey, if you can share a file for free, somebody else maybe purchase it and it's going to give it to you or let you download it or whatever. That doesn't feel like leaning into someone's car. Just like swiping the debit card doesn't feel. It's so much easier to take all your girlfriends out to sushi when you're swiping the card versus peeling off tens.

[Mike August]

Like when you pay for gas and you pay for it with a credit card, you don't even take the receipt. I don't even want the receipt.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Mike August]

You know, but it's like buying a pair of jeans or something. You're like, yeah, just buying a pair of jeans, but it's gas and it's not with money. It's tough simoleons.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Because when you started back in the day, people didn't have credit cards and nobody had. Nobody could go to the Internet. There's no itunes.

[Mike August]

It's true. I will say though, it is a. You know, I don't always purchase all my money, all my music either. I do go check out music on the Internet. And even when I was a kid, we all made mixtapes for each other.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Mike August]

You know, we all had our albums and we'd make mixtapes and we'd bring them with us everywhere and share them with people. Eventually. Sometimes we'd buy the records.

[Brian Bishop]

It was kind of fun. And it's a thing that our kids will never really, really have. I mean that. Yeah, hitting it just right. I could remember getting the 90 minute cassette and hitting pause. Just right. Skipping ahead to the next song, then timing it out right, you know, so you didn't run out of tape at the end or have just enough at the end. You're keeping the counter and everything.

[Dawson]

And we all knew a couple of short songs that would just fit at the very end of a side of a tape.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dawson]

I only have 98 seconds left.

[Brian Bishop]

And then there's this stupid time like I used to teach boxing classes. So I had like my mixtape boxing, you know, fast fun one. And then there's the I got dumped again tape.

[Mike August]

Do you still have them? I still have those. Not your boxes. I don't have your dumped again tape. But I do have a lot of mixtapes still. I should probably listen to them.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have a cassette that will play them?

[Mike August]

I did. My car.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody ripped it off in my car.

[Mike August]

No, my car. I have a cassette player in my car.

[Brian Bishop]

That is sad.

[Mike August]

Is that crazy?

[Brian Bishop]

That's bad sign.

[Mike August]

It's awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's not.

[Mike August]

It's very bad. I was still writing music on cassette tapes when I bought the car.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's Rich men, poor men, by the way. So, yeah, having the cassette is. I'm looking here and it says that you attended Brown University. I did attend Brown University, smarty pants. Man, that's an Ivy League school, baby.

[Mike August]

I did my homework in high school.

[Brian Bishop]

So what is your story going back.

[Mike August]

Back in the day, in the olden days? Well, I listened to cassette tapes and albums in vinyl in high school. I was a DJ and I wanted to be a DJ when I grew up because I thought you could play any music you wanted. It turns out that's not what DJs get to do anymore. But yeah, I went to. I grew up in Dallas, Texas.

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, DJ back then meant radio DJ, not jackass. @ club, right. I turned sideways.

[Mike August]

I did play parties though. I did do parties, but it was with actual albums and we didn't, you know, we weren't like those kind of DJs.

[Brian Bishop]

Is there anything heavier than a milk crate filled with 70s albums?

[Mike August]

No, seriously. I would carry this big two crates peaches. There was some record store called Peaches. Huge crates of records like the Cure and Led Zeppelin and Brian Eno and whatever else I was listening to. I'd carry these huge crates late at night into this radio station to play whatever I wanted to play. And I used to play electric guitar and carry an amplifier and an electric guitar too. I still play electric now, but I don't walk around carrying a really huge amplifier. And I.

[Brian Bishop]

It's so insane. I mean, you know, you talk about all this sort of technology stuff and how it's touched your life and stuff. I'm just Picturing like a 19 year old Jimmy Kimmel as a wedding DJ coming up with the four crates of records and the stands with the big. With the big amps on there and the smoke machines. The smoke machine is setting up. I mean the table.

[Mike August]

I mean strobe lights.

[Brian Bishop]

You had to have a van if you wanted to do that for a gig. Now it's just. You get the ipod. It's insane.

[Dawson]

Has there ever been a smaller girl than a 19 year old Lisa Loeb with all the musical equipment?

[Mike August]

16. 16 year old.

[Dawson]

Oh my God.

[Mike August]

Carrying crates.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're doing well in school?

[Mike August]

I was doing well in school and doing lots of other fun things on the side from school. And I got into Brown University, which was so exciting.

[Brian Bishop]

And your dad's a doctor so he was happy. But you wanted to get far away.

[Mike August]

I wanted to go someplace where when I visited Brown, it was rainy and cloudy outside. And I thought this is the perfect place for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Mike August]

Yeah. Because I'll wear like cable knit sweaters and you know, study, which I probably wore a lot of. Cable knit sweaters. Benetton sweaters. Do you remember those?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Mike August]

Huge Benetton sweaters.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Mike August]

I don't know if I studied as much as I probably should have studied.

[Brian Bishop]

And then when did the music. I mean, music was always around, but when did it go full time for you?

[Mike August]

All freshman year. I had a freshman roommate named Elizabeth Mitchell and we had a band together and we played like the first week of school. We played or actually we were going to play the first week of school. It didn't work out because we didn't sign up for the freshman talent show soon enough or whatever. But we played a few months in and we had a great audience. Like everyone from our freshman hall showed up, we had a great audience and we just kept playing and it was all going really well. And I probably focused way more on music than I did on my studies for many, many years.

[Brian Bishop]

Was Dr. Dad initially a little disappointed in that?

[Mike August]

My mom and my dad were not super excited that I was going to be a musician when I grew up. Even though they would come visit me at school and I'd play concerts and they'd come see me, it was kind of like I was already doing it. And I think I was probably just as worried as they were. So I was trying to make it work. You know, I wanted to make sure I could make a living being a musician.

[Brian Bishop]

And was the plan to just be a working musician, I mean, the success that you had, I mean, having Billboard number one song in 1994, that had to be insane, right?

[Mike August]

That was crazy. It was one of those things where I was temping a lot as an office temp worker because I could type pretty fast and I owned an Ann Taylor suit and so I would go tempo. And I did that for a few years. And I tried to go back to school for psychology at nyu, but I was still focused too much on music. So I, all of a sudden I got this opportunity to put my song Stay on a soundtrack. Ethan Hawke was a friend of mine. He's an actor. Sure, he's a friend of mine. And he offered to, he wanted to give that song to Ben Stiller to see if Ben would put that song into a movie. And Ben did put the song into reality Bites along with a bunch of other people, executives who were in charge. So that was a really huge opportunity and it made me quit my temp jobs and say this was going to be it, I was going to make music. I mean, in retrospect, that probably wouldn't have been a good reason just to quit your temp jobs. You think those kind of opportunities, when you're starting out, you think those opportunities, that's it. It's all happening. But it actually was all happening. But you know, I don't know why.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, it's meant to be quit or at least temporary. Are you married?

[Mike August]

I'm married and I have two kids.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Mike August]

And on my way over here, I actually have a three year old and an eight month old baby.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Mike August]

I know. And I left my husband. No, I left them with my husband for the next hour and A half while he feeds them and puts them to bed.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it one of the Zappas?

[Mike August]

No, it's not.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it a famous person?

[Mike August]

It's my husband, Roy Hershkovitz. He's very famous.

[Brian Bishop]

Rowie Herskovitz, the power forward for the. For the Avalanche. Oh, no, Wayne. What team would he play for?

[Mike August]

I know. I actually felt like I was in some early 80s movie when I was driving over here in the Valley, you know, and trying to like eat an apple and put lipstick on in the car. Sun going down. It should have been the sun coming up and something about aliens, but I just felt like it was the. You know, I have a whole family, so.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you were single one or the second to last time or whenever we saw each other and you had number one single. The show about you being single, which made dollar and think you were single.

[Mike August]

Yes. No, I have trouble not single. Yeah, I am a whole family now. Perfect.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, are you sitting down, by the way? Dawson. Yes. The dad from Brady Bunch. Gay. Not a real family. They weren't even married, those two. Wow. Dawson's world is pretty cool.

[Dawson]

Spoiler, dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You can't. Just because Lisa's playing single on TV don't mean she's available.

[Mike August]

I was single on TV then, but now.

[Brian Bishop]

Were you single when Dawson asked you out?

[Mike August]

When Dawson asked.

[Brian Bishop]

Say no. It'll be so much fun.

[Mike August]

Oh, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, good. All right. Otherwise.

[Mike August]

Otherwise, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Married, children, you'd have a little. What, you got a three year old to just be smoking a cigarette and talking about avocados right now? Because that's his thing. Oh, and Alan Parson. I mean. Yeah, Alan Parsons. Yeah.

[Mike August]

Perfect.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Mike August]

So sounds so similar to what's going on in my house right now.

[Brian Bishop]

What does your husband do?

[Mike August]

He works at Conan O'Brien.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, is he?

[Mike August]

Right, he works at the show. No, he works in the music production. Yeah. So you might have run into him over there.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a perfect marriage then. Literally.

[Mike August]

It is. We actually was on the show. I was on the show the other day and so I got to hang out with him at work. That was fun. And my daughter keeps talking about Conan O'Brien. She's like, Conan O'Brien is very tall.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's especially when you're three years old. He's the tallest man. That's always felt bad for Andy Richter. And it's the way everything in life works. Just everyone should know this, which is Andy Richter I've met a bunch of times in person. The first thing you think is, oh, you're not short.

[Mike August]

No, he's super tall. Also.

[Brian Bishop]

He's tall. I don't know. 6 1. Maybe he's not a short guy at all. But if you stand next to a guy six, six or six, seven, then you're a short guy. That's just the way it goes. You do that math no matter what. Poor Andy Richter could not look shorter or fatter standing next to a guy who's taller or skinnier than Conan O'Brien. And that's how you will look.

[Dawson]

This is totally true. I'm actually not bald at all. Everyone listening.

[Adam Carolla]

We're just incredibly hirsute.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I'm always. I've always told. I've always told. I've always said I want a guy to follow me around when I'm rich or I want.

[Mike August]

Or an airplane.

[Brian Bishop]

I want a guy. I got a guy. By the way, you know, I got a guy breaking. Who breaks my shoes in. Oh, right. And I need another guy.

[Mike August]

Seriously.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I need.

[Mike August]

I needed one of those for my wedding. I went in the day before my wedding to say, can you stretch these shoes out for me?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Mike August]

And the guy was like, you need to be wearing them. That's the only way to stretch out your shoes. I was like, but I'm getting married tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you can't rock them.

[Mike August]

I should have hired somebody in New York City to wear.

[Brian Bishop]

They guys would do that.

[Mike August]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. They should combine the shoe breaker inners with the dog walkers.

[Mike August]

That's a great idea. It's like solar power.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be speed breaking in.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it'd be hilarious to see.

[Brian Bishop]

And again, another one of those great 80s or 90s things where the hot chick had the 15 dogs when he pulled along with a skirt flying up in the air.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Patrick Dempsey with the 15 dogs wearing pumps.

[Mike August]

Perfect.

[Brian Bishop]

We got a rom com. You got to write another song.

[Mike August]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So I always think I need a guy with a super huge, fat, big melon head. You know those guys with the big melon head to get in the picture with me Because I'm tired of seeing my big fat head in the picture with the guy with the skinny head. So I want to travel with a guy with a huge muffin.

[Adam Carolla]

You feel like you have a fat head.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm hearing.

[Brian Bishop]

It's medium fat. But I want the fat. I always want to be the second fattest head in the picture. You don't want to be the fattest head in the picture.

[Mike August]

It's weird being the smallest one, too. Though, because you feel like something's. Like, I had this watch that was a Menudo watch in the 80s, and all the faces.

[Brian Bishop]

Face. That's a band, by the way.

[Mike August]

A band from the 80s, yeah. With, you know, Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin in it.

[Brian Bishop]

What are you talking to me? I'm Grant Parker. Man was huge.

[Mike August]

It was like they had cut the face out and stuck a different face in there for the replacement guy. But I always have, like, in Japan, people always say to me, like, you have such a small face. And I never thought about that before.

[Brian Bishop]

It's nice.

[Mike August]

I don't think about having a small face.

[Brian Bishop]

You're lucky.

[Mike August]

Especially when you're, you know, looking at your face down here and you're like, on your iPhone and you're going down an escalator and you look. You see your face by accident.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like, ah, no, no, don't look down.

[Mike August]

Oh, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

That's horrible. You're a monster. Like, there's a monster in my phone. No, I've said it. I've said it many times. Actually. I've only said it once. The worst mirror on the planet is the one in the barber chair in front of you in the barber chair. Because they put that cape around. Put that cape around you and they what?

[Dawson]

They have a mirror in the barber chair?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you gotta go in just to see what's going on in those places.

[Dawson]

Barbershops.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you all about it. One day they put the cape on you and they'll choke your head off. So it's sort of your head.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you're like, oh, so my neck's fat?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, your head mushrooms up. Then they lift me up, and then you're kind of looking down on yourself a little. So you just look like a big mushroom head with five chins. Like, looking at yourself in this way too well lit area.

[Dawson]

Your neck has love handles.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, Right. The best mirror on the planet is the one on the ceiling in the elevator. You ever get in an elevator and you're like, oh, telling you, like, what's up? And then you're.

[Mike August]

But not the side mirrors. Not the, like, color above.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, we're going heaven.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello, cheekbones.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, cheekbones. We're taking you to the penthouse. All right. Lisa has a song. I have. I have a new record sponsor.

[Mike August]

Oh, a sponsor.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I'm gonna. I figured you'd step up and get your stuff ready, and I. Oh, yeah, that was my plan. We'll talk it up.

[Mike August]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

You cool? Now tell me about the new record.

[Mike August]

We don't have to talk about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear about it.

[Mike August]

It's a new record.

[Adam Carolla]

We need to know.

[Mike August]

It's a record. It's a cd. It's called no Fairy Tale. And actually on the front of it, when I took that picture, I was pregnant. Very pregnant.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I don't have it on.

[Mike August]

Can't. Over there on my. Yeah, we'll pull it up. Yeah, I was in the middle of. I made the record really quickly with my friend named Chad Gilbert, who's in a band called Newfound Glory.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I know that.

[Mike August]

He's a punk rock band. Yeah, they're great. And they covered my song Stay, and they did a really punky version of it, which was really cute, and they asked me to sing on it. I don't know if it's supposed to be cute. It's tough, too. Of course it's tough.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's edgy.

[Mike August]

It's cute. It's edgy. But it's cute because it was just totally different and energetic and everything. So I sang on it. And later, Chad asked if he could produce a record for me, and we made, like, a punky, poppy rock record together.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there's, by the way. And see, look at you. Pregnant with a thin face.

[Mike August]

Pregnant.

[Brian Bishop]

Thin face and pregnant.

[Mike August]

See camera slightly above.

[Brian Bishop]

Smart. Don't go low with the camera.

[Mike August]

Don't go low with the camera. Do not.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, who, by the way, who are these assholes?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm. You know what I'm talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I do.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm 6 2, and all I do is take pictures all day long with people after the show that's selling this thing that here's a picture thing. And these guys, the person hands up the camera, they hold the camera, like, down in their fucking belt buckle. Like, hey, could you make my head look any fatter?

[Adam Carolla]

This is where they flip the. If it's an iPhone, they flip it so the lens is on the bottom, right?

[Brian Bishop]

And then they hold it in front of them and down. And they're five, nine, and I'm six years, seven. This is gonna look horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, Ansel Adams, just take it a little bit above.

[Mike August]

My husband is tall.

[Brian Bishop]

Have some dignity.

[Mike August]

Every picture comes from above.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Get an A frame ladder and climb up it.

[Mike August]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Mike August]

You should bring one with you.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Mike August]

A little love with your shoe walker.

[Brian Bishop]

My dog walker Shoe breaker in her.

[Mike August]

Should also carries the ladder.

[Brian Bishop]

Who should also have a huge head and an A frame ladder. Go to meeting, baby. So, Lisa, you get your guitar on. I'll Give a little love to GoToMeeting. You want to meet with colleagues. You're going to be in different places you're traveling about. You want to get the team together. You say it's impossible. Nay. I say you can do it with GoToMeeting. With HD faces, not HD double chins because some ass wife held the camera down on his shoelaces. HD faces brought to you by Citrix, by the way. Simple, powerful. It's how you meet, share documents, spreadsheets, collaborate in HD video, launch hosts, and attend meet meetings. You can do it from Your Mac, your PC, your iPhone, your iPad, all that cool stuff. Even a tablet. Any tablet. It's all there. Just download GoToMeeting, start hosting face to face online meetings. Today, I just did this with the guys up north that make my Mangria. It's kind of fun. It's nice. It works.

[Dawson]

Adam, you're all blurry.

[Brian Bishop]

They literally were drinking wine the entire we had. It's kind of a meeting with guys who make wine for a living. And as we're having the meeting, they're walking, like, in front of the camera, and you're like, oh. And then soon the guy come back, he's got a full glass of wine, and they're drinking, and the other guy. I guess it's the job. It made me jealous. So anyway, you did the job.

[Mike August]

It's funny. I have an eyewear business, and we do meetings on this.

[Brian Bishop]

Go to, go to meeting, Go to meeting.

[Mike August]

But we don't. I don't think anybody's drinking. We're just trying on glasses.

[Brian Bishop]

You want a job that involves having to drink or eat ice cream? Go to meeting.com, click on the try it free button and use the promo code. Adam. All right. Lisa Loeb. No Fairy Tale.

[Mike August]

I'm tuning my guitar just to make sure. So exciting. So this is a song I wrote with my friend Mike Sharp, and I even got Tegan from Tegan and Sarah. She wrote a couple songs on the record.

[Brian Bishop]

It's nice that you collaborate and give everyone credit.

[Mike August]

Why not? Oh, do people collaborate and they pretend they did it themselves?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, people tend to leave out other people's names sometimes when they're talking about stuff they did.

[Mike August]

I come from a family of four kids. We. You got to give each other credit or else, you know, that would be bad. Okay. Want me to play this song?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Mike August]

This is called no Fairy Tale. A prince in the summer was a drag in the spring. How could you know that? He took off ring and everything you wanted behind the Castle wall A hundred white horses were stuck in the stall but it's no fairy tale there's no breadcrumb trail to lead you back but it's just as well that's a better one to tell you tried but you can't bear the weight of the glitter and the glue so you lie down to dream of the kiss that'll wake.

[Brian Bishop]

You.

[Mike August]

Once upon a time can lead to a hapless ever after when the tears are real so is the laughter but it's no fairy tale there's no breadcrumb trail to lead you back but it's just as well and you can close the book and curse the turn it took and tell the true story of how you fell that's a better one to tell and when it's told the leaves are turning red and gold and no one had to come along and cast a spell but it's no fairy tale now there's no breadcrumb trail to lead you back but it's just as well and you can close the book and curse the turn it took and tell the true story of how you felt that's a better one to tell that's a better one to tell thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Lisa Loeb, everybody. Elm is called no Fairy Tale, available on Amazon. You know what to do. That sounded amazing. And it's always so nice. We get so many great acts coming in here. And it's funny and nice when somebody like Lisa Loeb, who you look at and you see the glasses, you see the cute little face, and you go, oh, that's just. That's just so much popcorn. And then you see her pick up her guitar and hit it out of the box.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that.

[Mike August]

Thank you. And I love popcorn, but you know.

[Brian Bishop]

What I'm talking about. I know. Your package is so tailored. It almost seems like you can be overlooked. Like, there's not as much substance there because of what you look like or how you come across.

[Mike August]

I'm sure you remember run into that in the 90s. Actually, I wrote the song the 90s about the 90s with Chad, and it was about that time period. And in one line I wrote, I'm the angel and she's the demon. It's like if you're not, you know, crazy or something, then you get overlooked, or you don't get overlooked, but it's like you have to prove yourself that you're not.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's something like if you can.

[Mike August]

Have a conversation with a human. I remember going into record labels, like, when I was. When I was Signed to a big major label. Now I'm on a smaller label because I had been putting out records on my own with distributors, trying to do it on my own because I like being independent. But I went back with a small label called Savoy Records. But anyway, before, when I was on the huge conglomerates, like the huge ones, I remember going into these meetings where you were just. It was the strangest thing to feel like you were not going to be heard because you were actually making sentences and you were having marketing meeting conversations.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Mike August]

And that was, like, not impressive to them. That was kind of like a bad thing. Well, like you needed to walk, like, barely walk in the office, crawling with your gun or what? I don't even know what it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Is artists aren't supposed to be sane.

[Mike August]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And I suffer from the same thing as a comedian, where I'm just a regular person, but I'm a comedian, but I'm less funny and less artistic because I'm normal, or at least perceived that way. So you're normal. So how artistic can you be if you're not cutting yourself?

[Mike August]

Exactly. I did actually cut myself yesterday, but that was an accident. I know, I know. Yeah. This is more like I opened the bar sink to get some. A paper bag from under the sink.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. No, that's not.

[Mike August]

That's not rock and roll.

[Brian Bishop]

Did it just feel. I know.

[Mike August]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And she wanted to. She wanted to be the one who. Who inflicted the pain on herself for a change.

[Mike August]

Yeah. I found a Crayola band aid in the laundry room.

[Brian Bishop]

Allison Rosen, do you have some news, by the way, Let me give a little love to one of my new find sponsors, ht. That's high testosterone from the makers of extends. I'm on day number six of taking this stuff, and I feel like Superman. I gotta tell you, I was bouncing off the walls the first day, and now I'm kicking into fifth gear. Baby supports. Increased testosterone, increased muscle mass, increased energy and vitality. Yep. Traveling, Missing. Getting a little sleep deprivation. Never felt better. Maximum performance in the bedroom. Then I'm gonna have to work on supports, increased desire and libito. Go to www.byht.com. that's www.byht.com and enter the code Adam. All right, Allison Rosen, let's do some news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

So I found a story that I think you will enjoy, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

It's from 2010, but it is about something which you've been talking about before.

[Dawson]

You were a news girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's in my archives. It's about Oscars and the switch from. And the winner is to. And the Oscar goes to. So the last time. And the winner is. Was used officially was for the 60th Academy. 60th annual Academy Awards in 1988, when the last emperor won. The following year, show producer Alan Carr changed the wording. Although some presenters ignored the new guidelines, quote, his goal was to make it not seem as competitive, says Lucia Schultz, the Motion Picture Academy's librarian. Other award shows also followed suit.

[Brian Bishop]

I. Yeah, I like the competition. I mean, I know. So, you know, that's why you watch it. I mean, if you knew who won in advance, you probably wouldn't watch it. You pick your teams, and you pick your players, and you root for them. And I know competition's becoming a bad thing, but we're competition junkies. I mean, it's weird because, like, you go, like, hey, man, you can't judge. Except for seven of the top 10 TV shows all have judges. So, I mean, it's like multiple judges. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You think about two judges per show.

[Brian Bishop]

You think about all the. You go, you can't judge, but then you turn on TV and there's cooking channels with judges.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's like we're craving the experience of watching people, you know, separated into the winner and the loser.

[Mike August]

I wanted an office show like that where you. Where people are trying to file the best. Oh, you know, like, doing normal, average things in life, like brushing their teeth, the best. File things.

[Brian Bishop]

Breaking my shoes in.

[Mike August]

Yeah, exactly. Bringing a ladder. I thought you were gonna say they were saying the Oscars. Cause there's so many awards shows now, and they needed branding.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[Mike August]

Because they need extra branding. There had been so many award shows before the Oscars. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I think there's a few things I think it is. Part of it is branding, but it is some of it. Is that what we were talking about? But I was also talking about the fact that everybody gets up there and thanks every single person that competed against them in their category. And then now they explain, it started off with, oh, you know, I'm such a fan of Meryl Streep. And even to be in the same room with you is such an honor. Now it's turned into, I don't really even deserve this. Like, I don't want this Thing you guys are all better than this.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone else will take it off your hands.

[Brian Bishop]

And I kind of miss the touchdown dance. Like. There used to be a lot of betting, junior. Yeah, there was a lot more celebrating going on at the Oscars. There was, you know, Sally Fields going, you like me, you really like me. Or whatever these things, they'd hold it up and you know, they do this one, remember this? Mom, dad, this one's for you. They look up to the heavens, you know, this is for you. You know, there was a lot alike and it was fun. I mean, it was fun. It's fun to watch a guy score winning touchdown and spike the ball. Throwing it to the ref and jogging to the sideline is classy, but that's not why I'm watching. I like the crazy celebration.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you thought about who you'd thank if you won whatever award.

[Brian Bishop]

I thank the. Here's the thing. It's like when you write a book. You have to acknowledge people and then your agent just basically tells you who to put in there. Because I don't know what to do. My instinct is just to thank myself.

[Mike August]

Really, really.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I wouldn't thank myself but. But I guess whatever was specific to the.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn't have done it without myself to the project.

[Brian Bishop]

I did learn and have learned. You got to thank your wife and or husband immediately because you don't like your agent you don't live with unless you're really into the business or super gay or both. But I mean, you don't have to go home and sleep in the same bed with other people you forgot to thank. You do have to go home to the house. So always thank the spouse or significant other, number one. And then after that, you know, it's fine. I would put a pox. Like I would not thank my parents probably because I don't feel like they had anything to do with it. I would unthank certain people. I would not thank my mom or my dad because I don't feel like they had a hand in my creativity. I feel the stymied my creativity. I did Letterman the very first time I did Letterman. You know, basically they do that bit of what do you want to talk about? How about traveling, holidays, blah, blah, blah. I thought about it and I said, I want to tell everyone to kiss my ass. And my entire Letterman bit was, hey, Ken, you were my manager when I worked at the McDonald's at Studio City. Used to. Used to come up to me and say, time to lean, time to clean and hand me mop, kiss my Ass, I'm on Letterman. And Mr. Gregory from North Hollywood High in 1980 when you failed me from driver's ed, kiss my ass. I take a limo now, baby. Kiss it. And I just went through a long list of construction foremen and I used everyone's real name. I told them, I'm on Letterman. Kiss my ass. And the audience went nuts. That's because it was a thing of like, yeah, if I was ever on Letterman, I'd tell my old boss to fuck off too. So I want somebody to do their acceptance speech. Yeah, your agent, the Lord. I want to hear the group of people that said, no, tell them to kiss your ass. It's much more exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

Three Modern Family cast members got stuck in an elevator in Kansas City, Missouri and tweeted about the experience. It was Eric Stonestreet, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and Julie Bowen. And they were in there for 50 minutes. You've been stuck in an elevator, right? Yeah, Beverly Hills. What happened?

[Brian Bishop]

I had a girlfriend who way back in the day, had an apartment that was like, her dad got her in Beverly Hills. She lived with her sister, her dad in Beverly Hills. And I just was in the, you know, I was just in the elevator staring at the mirror on the ceiling. I wasn't going from floor to floor. I was just getting some me time in with some good cheekbone time, you know, just in there staring at the ceiling. I. It then got stuck. And I said to my girlfriend, I'm going down to the parking garage, getting something. I was riding a motorcycle at the time. Getting something, doing something on my motorcycle. Yeah, it's a dangerous. Boy, it is dangerous. And as I was heading back up, the thing got stuck in between floors. And I said, ah, shit. The thing was just stuck. And I was like, door open and it was just wedged. And it's not like a four story apartment building. And I called the guy, they had a phone, like, you know, an emergency. You called? I don't know, it was old school, no cell phones. So I called and I said, hey, listen, the elevator stuck. And the guy's like, all right, well, I'll unstick it. And I said, what part of the building you in? He said, I'm in Whittier. And I was like, fucking Whittier? That's 50 miles from here. Like, it's way out. And I'm like, hold on, you're in Whittier. I thought you'd be like on the roof, like just like in a three point stance, like, waiting for the phone to ring. Like standing in front of the. Just poised in front of that phone, you know, just filing your nails, you know, getting ready to practicing your hands. Two phones taped holster with like receivers in them and you pull them out as fast as you can. You're in Whittier. He's like, yeah, I'm in Whittier. I'll never forget he was in Whittier. And I was like, well, I gotta get out of this elevator. It's Friday night. You know, it's. And I'm. This is.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, and you had things you had to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, what I'm saying is, is when you're working, like when you got one of those shitty jobs where you're, you know, one of those. One of those 80s songs jobs where you're working but you're living for the weekend kind of thing, and you got a shitty boss and you work with assholes and.

[Mike August]

And you wear a blue jean jacket.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You punch that clock at 5:00 on a Friday, that weekend, baby. It's weird now that I work on weekends and then my weekday is not really a job. So it's like the weekend, but that was the fucking weekend. And I said, It's 8 o'clock at night Friday. I'm. I just went nuts. Sorry. I got crazy retarded boy strength. Is that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's unacceptable.

[Brian Bishop]

Unacceptable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Special needs strength. I got special needs strength. I just started like mom's strength.

[Mike August]

That's Mom.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I got mom strength. Yeah. But this is ruined. Weekend strength. And I just started wrestling with the door and I got it to pop open and then shut again and then it like rebooted. Yeah.

[Mike August]

I always thought if I got stuck in an elevator, I'd learn the Alphabet backwards. That's what. That's my plan.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Mike August]

Yeah, that's it. I mean, you're stuck there. It'd be a fun thing to be able to do, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you wouldn't want to get stuck and walk out of there with nothing, right? Yeah, you'd want something and then you'd probably be glad, Right?

[Mike August]

Or learn to meditate. Like do something you never have time for at home.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Mike August]

Alphabet.

[Adam Carolla]

Take a shower.

[Brian Bishop]

I think six months in prison would do everyone good.

[Mike August]

Yeah, you could work out, read the Bible.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Whatever vices you'd have, you probably give up on, you know, you probably have to. Well, or blow some guy to get a. I mean, for you guys, no big deal. For me, kind of a hassle, you know. Or not hassle, but, you know, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Think you'd find that there's Things that about it that might delight you in that situation.

[Brian Bishop]

That's probably what I'd be scared of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

You could finally get that teardrop tattoo you've been wanting to get.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. Been wanting a teardrop tattoo. I've always wanted the recipe to pruno. Oh, could get that to what? Pruno. Oh, it's booze you make in the joint.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds like something you take when you're backed up.

[Brian Bishop]

It probably. Probably cleans you out, but. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I know that we're not talking about prison, but I'm still stuck in the elevator. And I like to think that if I were stuck in an elevator, I'd stay cool, but I have a feeling I'd stay cool for like a minute and then lose my shit.

[Mike August]

Depends on where it is too. Like, is it up on the 37th floor in Japan or are you on the second floor in studio City and.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you alone or are you with a friend or are you with someone scary?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if you had the cast of Modern Family with you, I think you'd be cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, probably. They were tweeting about it. I mean, they made it a fun thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it'd be fun.

[Mike August]

I actually went to college with Julie, who was in that element.

[Brian Bishop]

Julie Bowen?

[Mike August]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What was she like?

[Mike August]

I didn't know her very well. She was like one grade younger than me.

[Brian Bishop]

She's really sweet.

[Mike August]

She seemed nice. And I've met her since then. She's nice.

[Brian Bishop]

That whole group is really, really friendly crew. They were all doing that we're drunk, so we're gonna smoke cigarettes outside at the Soho House.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but they don't smoke kind of thing. They don't smoke you.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone who gets drunk. Every chick chips away at a cigarette when she gets drunk. And that's who they all. But everybody went out to have a drunk. Everyone was shit faced because it was after the Emmys. And then we went to the Soho House to like Jimmy's party. And shortly after, I was explaining to Bryan Cranston that this Argo thing was going nowhere. He was pitching me Argo. And I was like going, you're doing what about fake Star wars movies? Okay, good luck with that, buddy. That everyone was all the whole Modern Family. Which is nice because people that work together oftentimes hate each other. And these people clearly, at least we're all shit faced and want to go smoke together. And just a nice group. Not as nice as the group from Dollar Shave Club, baby. You guys didn't know that buying razors. Oh, such a pain in the arse. You got to choose between all the brands and the models and which is better. And I sound like Roseanne Rosanna.

[Dawson]

Timely.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, super timely. Reverence. Google it, bitches.

[Mike August]

I was thinking about it this morning, actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Roseanne Rosanna. Dana.

[Mike August]

I've been thinking about it a lot. Always something.

[Brian Bishop]

She would have. Yeah. Just like her mom used to say something. Either way, she is a woman who probably would have had to shave.

[Dawson]

Oh, good point.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And she could have used the Dollar Shave Club. I use it. I don't deal with the things, and especially the super, the super, super depressing Hollywood thing or at least valley thing where they keep them locked up.

[Mike August]

Yeah. The alarm might go off.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Because junkies are selling them out of vans. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's happening. But all I know is I avoid the whole mess by going to DollarShaveClub.com and you go forward slash, Adam. You get high quality razors delivered to your door for just a couple bucks a month. Just a couple bucks a month. Done. Checked off. And by the way, you know my approach to life? Get as much stuff off your list, as much chicken shit off your list as you can.

[Adam Carolla]

So you can just wait and die?

[Brian Bishop]

So you can hurry up and die. No. So you have room for writing songs.

[Mike August]

I love that idea.

[Brian Bishop]

And doing like, just put your sunglasses in the same place every day, put your keys in the same place every day, have Dollar Shave Club deliver your raise, jump check, boom, Gone. Brain freed up for important stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Today I put some keys in a place where, I don't know, put them because I was in a rush and I thought, no, I'm going to put them in the place they need to be because otherwise I will lose them.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, what if you said though, like, seriously, like you went, well, Thomas Edison spent a significant portion of his life going down to the Rite Aid to get razor cartridges. You'd go, well, that's a fucking waste of that guy's time. Right, Right. Well, maybe we're not dull Thomas Edison or Madame Curies, but we're somewhere in between that and Iraq. How about we save some time? DollarShaveClub.com Adam. Sorry. Yeah, I mean, everyone's just life. Your time's important, it's valuable.

[Mike August]

I go on the Internet to try to save time and then I start wasting time. That's the problem. I go to find the socks that I really want because I'm not going to drive all the way 30 minutes, the exact time when the babysitter's there so that I can go get the socks. So I go online to find them and then I start getting really confused. They're not the exact ones. 45 minutes later, I'm looking at wall art and I don't. Old Candy from the 1970s. Something that I remembered.

[Brian Bishop]

Same here. But with. But with porn. But yeah, same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It happens to me. Or I'll buy something. It'll take me forever to figure out what I want because I'm indecisive. And then it'll arrive and then I'll realize it was wrong and then I will never ever send it back to return it. Because the inconvenience of having it sent is that's what I'm getting nullified. But yes. Okay, so Amber, speaking of perfect, Amazon was selling. Amazon UK was selling this shirt that said Keep calm and rape. It also had Keep calm and knife her. Keep calm and grope a lot. It was a twist on England's World War II keep calm and carry on slogan.

[Brian Bishop]

Keep calm and rape a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sorry, I left out the a lot. Keep calm and rape a lot. Same logo.

[Brian Bishop]

Worst Monty Python film ever.

[Mike August]

That is terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's an American company. Solid gold bomb.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And people were complaining. But Amazon kept it up for a few more hours. Now they've taken it down.

[Brian Bishop]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your thoughts on this?

[Brian Bishop]

Look, I sort of believe that, you know, it's like, okay, a lot of people have a lot of fucked up, stupid tattoos, right. That I'm essentially exposed to. I don't like, for instance. So I'm exposed to their stupid art. And sometimes it crosses over into offensive, depending on what group you're in or whatever it is. But I'll give you, for instance, people have aggressive piercings. They'll do the double lip hoop thing. I had a guy at the show last night, the double lip. The chick with the double lip. Like the two hoops. And I see it and it kind of hurts my lip a little bit. Like I'm forced. And I know they like this part of it. This is what the desired effect. But I'm forced to kind of deal with their shit a little bit. And I like that we have a society where she's allowed to go do her shit and I'm allowed not to beat off to her later on.

[Mike August]

Perfect.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a perfect marriage.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine those two. That'd be weird.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You don't want a society where someone's kicking in my hotel room that night.

[Adam Carolla]

Forcing you to feed off to the girl with the Piercings.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, how would they even make.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure you did it? Just jack booted Thugs.

[Adam Carolla]

Jack jack booted side.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Putting the jack and jack booted coming in there. What do you think about Corolla? The chick with the two hoops said, don't lie to me. They backhand me. Pants around my ankles, single tear rolling down my cheek.

[Mike August]

Tattooed.

[Brian Bishop]

You think of that lobe again, aren't you? Oh, shit, she's so fetching. Okay, now here's a picture from the girl from the club with the two fish hooks going through her mouth. Yeah, but the way she holds the acoustic guitar. And then they backhand me the other direction. I keep my head that direction. Means I know I done wrong. Yeah, I don't want to live in that society. But you know, I'm also like, if you want to say stupid shit and people think you're stupid shit, you know, is there's a lot of. There's a lot of stupid shit out there that people buy. That kind of even offends me more than this.

[Adam Carolla]

Just because of like Ed Hardy shirts?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like ed Hardy. Like 55 year old guys wearing Ed Hardy shirts.

[Mike August]

Look at this. One star, it's got a rating.

[Brian Bishop]

One star.

[Mike August]

Like who rated it? Like, who put it up there?

[Brian Bishop]

So I would not be happy to see my 6 year old son running around.

[Mike August]

It's terrible.

[Brian Bishop]

There'd be a part of me that would be amused, but then I would think that's not good. On the other hand, I like the fact that we live in a society where you can print this and if enough people want to buy it. See, what I hope for is that nobody buys the shirt. Not that it can't be manufactured or sold, but that the company doesn't make any money. You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not that you can't make that shirt. It's that that shirt never gets bought. That's what I wish for.

[Mike August]

I like freedom of speech. But I'm just wondering at Amazon what they were thinking, like who was in charge of letting this be on there and who put that little logo on every single color shirt that they knew they were putting it up there.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, is it a human who oversees how stuff gets on there?

[Mike August]

It must be a human being.

[Brian Bishop]

But I say this all the time as it pertains to making movies. I was just laughing about this with Dr. Drew when we were talking about Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo. But you ever see a scene in a movie and there's many scenes, there's the famous gremlin scene where Phoebe Cates is explained to Zach what's his nose, why she doesn't like Christmas. I've shared that with you before. Lisa probably not shared that scene with you, but you have. Or the Rob Schneider movie. You have a movie where it's like that's our generally okay movie. And then there's some scene in it and you're like what the fuck is that scene doing in this movie? And then you realize there were table reads, there were rehearsals.

[Mike August]

I've seen sitcoms where I think executives. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How did this get on? Like what?

[Brian Bishop]

But at least that's a whole sitcom. That's horrible. Yes. This should never got on tv. But Amazon has a whole bunch of really good products. And then this got through some filter and Gremlins was not a bad movie, was a cute movie. It was a nice movie. And then this thing got. Was in it. So what's it doing in this? And somebody okayed it some. It has. There is a process. Yes.

[Mike August]

Yeah. No, that's the kind of idea though that I think the entire movie was probably written about. Somebody had this like gem of an idea and they were going to write a movie and they were going to make sure they put in that great clever thing that they came up with. Only it doesn't fit in that movie. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

If. If you can. If you can find that. I don't know, it's. It's great. It's. Anyway, I'll. I'll just explain that Phoebe Cates is explaining to Zach whoever the reason she hates Christmas is because one year her dad wanted to go down the chimney. Do we have it? You guys can listen it. This is. This is otherwise is a fun light hearted but contestually.

[Dawson]

It's right in the middle of the film when like all hell is breaking loose and the gremlins are you know, going crazy.

[Mike August]

Right. They're scary.

[Brian Bishop]

This is why Phoebe Kates hates Christmas. Now I have another reason to hate Christmas. Good act. What are you talking about? The worst thing that that ever happened.

[Mike August]

To me was on Christmas. Oh God, it was so horrible.

[Brian Bishop]

It was Christmas Eve. I was nine years old. Me and mom were decorating the tree, waiting for dad to come home from work. Couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home.

[Mike August]

Mom called the office, no answer.

[Brian Bishop]

Christmas Day came and went and still nothing. Police began a search. Four or five days went by.

[Mike August]

Neither one of us eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart.

[Brian Bishop]

It was snowing outside.

[Mike August]

The house was freezing.

[Brian Bishop]

So I went to try to light up the Fire. And that's when I noticed the smell. Firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney on Christmas Eve, his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. Did the math. Okay. He didn't die of lung cancer. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.

[Adam Carolla]

If dad was missing and there was a weird smell, I don't think I'd assume it was a bird or a cat.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Even when I'm talking to Dan, there's a weird smell. I think that's coming from him.

[Dawson]

Did she mention how weird it was that there were no presents on Christmas? Like dad wasn't there. That's weird enough.

[Brian Bishop]

But did anyone work this out? Like, all right, so he was gonna gather everyone in front of the fireplace. Cause this seems like a fuck of a lot of work to do if the kid's asleep up, right? And you're just gonna put the shit. Yeah, I mean. You know what I mean.

[Dawson]

So we never come home from work. Which means he was gonna drop down at 6 o'clock on Christmas Eve.

[Mike August]

He was gonna ruin Christmas.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a couple holes there. Because first off, you gotta get the old couple holes. You gotta get the old lady in on this one. Because for me, when I drop down a chimney. And by the way I built. I've done some earthquake rehab work and done a few fireplaces in my day. They have a fire shelf or smoke shelf or whatever. So it gets real narrow, like 4 inches at the top. There's like a shelf, so you can.

[Adam Carolla]

See there's not room for climbing down. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And then there's a flue. I mean, the chimney might maybe 3 foot wide, but there's a flue inside there that's as big as a coffee can. So daddy ain't getting down there, but he has arms full of presents. But. And it's full of creosote and everything. But here's the deal. You'd have to get mama in on this because you're like, listen, I'm not gonna just randomly dry runs. I'm not coming down this chimney to have note to just have the cat sitting there witness it. I need you to bring young Phoebe Cates. I know that's not her name, but bring her and have her be weird if it was. Have her present. So when I come down the chimney. She's there to experience Santa Claus.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Otherwise, what's the point?

[Brian Bishop]

Wife would need to know about this exercise for sure. Yeah. Anyway, other than that, good movie. Worst scene ever in a movie. In a good movie. And that thing went through. I mean, executives read it, the actors, obviously. There were table reads. Like, that thing went through a lot. And nobody raised their hand and went, hey, we're doing a fun kind of a romp thing with some crazy little wigwam things here running around. What the hell is this? In the middle of our movie.

[Adam Carolla]

But I heard you, Lisa, saying that it was scary. Because I remember when this movie came out, and I actually was frightened by it.

[Brian Bishop]

Were you?

[Mike August]

Also, I didn't see it when it came out. I saw it within the last three years. I think I was behind. I'm behind on my movies from the 80s and 90s. I was just busy.

[Brian Bishop]

We should write a song about being behind on.

[Mike August]

I should. I'm really behind. Yeah, well, it was, but I was behind. But I did see it, and it still scares me. You know, if I saw that. If I saw that today, I would have to jump into my bed. So nothing came out from under my bed to get me. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a pet birch that had water in its cage, and I was afraid to have the cage with the water in my room because I knew that was one of the rules.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but you guys are like. Well, I don't. You were. You were. How old were you when you.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, seven or eight probably?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, Everything's scary when you're seven or eight.

[Mike August]

It was last year.

[Brian Bishop]

It was. It was supposed to be scary. But, Brian, what do you call that movie? What would you call it? Genre?

[Dawson]

It was sort of a. It was sort of a throwback to the, you know, 50s and 60s.

[Brian Bishop]

But it was fun. Like, it had a lot of comedy.

[Dawson]

Directed by Joe Dante.

[Brian Bishop]

Very fun movie as well. Anyway, that's what happened.

[Dawson]

Tongue in cheek.

[Mike August]

That's why it's kind of scary, too.

[Brian Bishop]

It was great when she just let in with. Now I have another reason to hate Christmas.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. She really seems like no fun at all.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. In the sitcom writing world, they call that laying pipe where they go, all right, here's when they go, like, Chet, you're not the captain of the football team anymore, and I'm not the second stringer. Who's your younger brother who. Who had diabetes, okay? That's called laying pipe. You know what I mean? Good little info out there. You're gonna lay pipe. I say you send pipe And I sayuse stamps.com. it's so productive, baby. We're just talking about efficiency and being productive. Stamps.com do not go down to the post office anymore. Use stamps.com youm can buy and print official US postage right from your own computer. Just print it right on out. They give you a little scale, Lisa. It's a digital scale. You hook it in your computer, put your little. Your mix cassette on there.

[Mike August]

I'm so envious.

[Brian Bishop]

And let's say you had some heavy metal songs on there. So it would weigh more than like seals and cross or something like that would be lighter type music.

[Mike August]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Than light rock or light rock or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Bread. Like if you had bread on that thing.

[Dawson]

Air supply.

[Brian Bishop]

Air supply. Literally that thing's nothing. But you got Metallica on there.

[Mike August]

Heavy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you got some heavy metal on there. You got gwar on there. And you put that thing 50 pounds of clay and you gotta weigh that bad boy and then the exact postage comes out of your printer. Unbelievable. Special offer, no risk trial. You get the scale, you get 55 bucks. Free postage only if you enter at them. Go to stamps.com now click on the Microsoft microphone at the top of the homepage. Type in Adam. That is stamps.com promo code. Adam. All right, let's see me and Dennis. Oh, yeah. Do the news thing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Say the magic word. Keep calm and rape.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah. Me and Dennis Prager are gonna be at CSUN next Saturday night doing our thing March 16th. So come on out and enjoy a night of thought provoking entertainment. Also, me and Drew traveling around Mangria. New pricing. It's gone up a couple bucks, but the shipping is going down. So you can order that for St. Patty's Day because you want to get your groove on on St. Patty's Day. And you just go to amcroll.com you hit the Mangria thing and that's all there. Also, Allison Rosen is your new best friend. New episodes. All new. Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

All new. There's not even a bit of old.

[Brian Bishop]

Jenny Mullen is the guest and you can get it on itunes. And you can use our app or you can get more information. Go to alisonrosen.com do not miss this episode. Lisa Loeb. No fairytale available on Amazon website. Lisa Loeb. Ellen, if you didn't know.com and you can Twitter her lisaloeb. So until next time, Adam Crawford. Lisa Loeb, Allison Rosen and ball Brian saying mahalo. You want a job that involves having to drink or eat ice cream.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was 1026. Lisa Loeb Dawson will never live down the infamous Caleb Sex morning show incident. All right, that is it for these Coral classics. Until tomorrow and get it on.