Patrick Muldoon (Carolla Classics)

Summary

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Adam Carolla Show - Patrick Muldoon (Carolla Classics)

Release Date: April 24, 2026
Guest: Patrick Muldoon
Host(s): Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, Bald Bryan (Bryan Bishop)
Producer: Superfan Giovanni
Episode Context: Re-airing of a classic 2012 episode in tribute to Patrick Muldoon, who recently passed away.

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Episode Overview

This edition of Carolla Classics pays tribute to actor Patrick Muldoon, best known for Days of Our Lives and Starship Troopers, by replaying his only full appearance on The Adam Carolla Show (2012). The episode ventures through Muldoon's Hollywood journey, sports life, honest talk about celebrity culture, and Carolla's signature rants on everyday annoyances, pop culture, and society. Interspersed is Carolla’s frank humor, lively banter, culture commentary, and team participation, especially from Allison and Bryan.

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Main Topics & Flow

1. Remembering Patrick Muldoon & Show Introduction

• [00:45-01:43]
  • Host Giovanni and Adam commemorate Patrick Muldoon’s passing.
  • Adam describes Muldoon’s 2012 guest appearance as “one of the most refreshing guests ever in the show's history. He was almost being like, too honest, where it's like, are you sure you should be this honest, buddy?” (Adam Carolla, 01:30)
  • Decision to play the entire classic episode.

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2. Adam’s Riffs & Life Rants

Moments of Silence, Spider-Related Discovery, and Human Behavior

[02:23-12:33]

• “There can be no such thing as a moment of silence without some ass wipe coughing in the middle. I want that guy fucking pulled out.” (Adam, 05:47)
• Adam rails against people who break 10 seconds of silence, linking it to personal insecurity and small acts of attention-seeking.
• Observes how nervousness impacts people (e.g., dry mouth, sweating, public speaking).
• Discovers why spiders congregate on his bedroom’s flat-painted ceiling, not in the semi-gloss bathroom/kitchen—concluding “they like the grip of the flat [paint] better than the semi-gloss.” (09:45)
• Brainstorms semi-glossing his ceiling as a spider deterrent.

Notable Quote

• “If I gave you $10,000 and said I need 10 seconds of silence, no coughing, you think you could do it?” (Adam, 06:18)

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3. Celebrity Event Anecdotes & Class Differences

[12:24-14:51]

• Adam and Allison share stories about high-end car races, wine tours, and celebrity events.
• Adam on vintage car shows: “It is fucking awesome. This is why the terrorists hate us.” (Adam, 13:30)
• Cultural contrasts discussed, e.g., pride in American privilege, comical takes on exclusivity.

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4. Stand-Up Special Review: George Lopez

[15:54-27:46]

• Adam critiques George Lopez’s HBO special, noting overreliance on ethnic material (“one hour on just I’m Mexican” [21:13]) and stereotypes.
• Critiques comedians who pander exclusively to their “constituents” (race or region-based audiences), drawing parallels to blue-collar comedy acts.
• Memorable exchange:
  • “If you’re funny, you should just be funny, not do for them. …I don’t like those bullshit hillbillies of the blue-collar comedy world, either, pretending they drive tractors to work when they have Lear jets.”
    (Adam, 22:45)

Social Commentary

• Adam and panel discuss the fragmentation of American identity into tribal/interest groups versus a “melting pot.”
• “Now we're just breaking off into these Legos... We're supposed to all melt into one weird color. Now it's all the different colored Legos just being snapped on top of each other. And I don't think it's proving to be a great experiment.” (Adam, 24:00)
• Noted as a refreshing and critical media discussion.

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5. Listener Calls & Advice Segments

[29:35-40:38]

• Listener Patrick: Thanks Adam for inspiring major life changes after ending a four-year engagement. Adam responds:
  • “Well, don’t thank me, buddy. You did it yourself. I’m just talking over here.” (Adam, 31:02)
• Caller from Korea: Asks about marrying into Korean culture. Adam jokes about the strictness of Korean (and Japanese/French) parenting, academic pressures, and cultural balance.
• “I kind of like that. I like to go find the culture that has the biggest problem with eating disorders and hang out there for a while. I feel like I could…fuck a lot of chicks, you know, feeling like they had low self-esteem.” (Adam, 37:36)
• Humorous pop-culture geography lesson stretches through Europe and Asia.

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[Transition: Patrick Muldoon Joins the Studio]

[42:18–54:18]

6. Patrick Muldoon: Football, Acting, & Celebrity Life

• Breakdown:
  • Career highlights (Days of Our Lives, Starship Troopers, USC football).
  • Reflections on the suicide of teammate Junior Seau and the “withdrawal” of athletes after their sport is gone.
  • “I played 11 years of football. I loved it. I was good at it. And then all of a sudden, it was gone. I spent five years in a funk over not being able to do what I love.” (Adam, 45:16)
  • Muldoon: “Once football’s over, it’s over forever. There’s not gonna be any of those team huddles, whistleblowing or kickoffs. There’s no refs, there’s no pads, we can’t hit. It’s done.” (Patrick, 46:03)
  • Honest dialogue about being overmatched in college athletics (going from being a high school stand-out to a college bench-warmer).

Starship Troopers & Denise Richards

[51:16–54:18]

• Muldoon shares stories about dating Denise Richards, the surprise cult success of Starship Troopers, and keeping in touch with the cast for the film’s 15th anniversary.
• “When you break up with a 19-year-old Denise Richards, you have to tell your cock and balls it’s all downhill from here.” (Adam, 52:37)

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7. News Roundtable with Allison Rosen

[62:23–76:54]

• Notable news items include:
  • Sally Ride’s death:
    Discussion of her significance, Ride Sally Ride song jokes, and her coming out posthumously (“for an astronaut, [that] song must have driven her nuts.” [Allison, 63:33]).
  • Sherman Hemsley’s passing (The Jeffersons):
    “Deluxe apartment—that’s your cock. That’s cock.” (Adam, 69:46)
  • Christian Bale visiting Aurora shooting victims; skepticism over celebrity PR vs. genuine goodwill.
  • Austin-Healey found on eBay 42 years after being stolen:
    Adam mocks the obsession over lost cars versus insurance replacement.

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8. Race, Family Dynamics, and Social Critique

[79:03–84:49]

• Conversation about Dennis Rodman’s family and absentee fathers, expanding into social responsibility.
• Adam denounces the lack of stigma/shame for absentee fathers:
  • “Not judging is racist!”
    "The judging starts with you having kids you cannot take care of, which should be considered one of the worst things you can do in this society.” (Adam, 79:55)
• Societal cost, community healing, and the necessity of “judging” negligent parents.

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9. Current Events: Violence, Culture, and Jokes in Poor Taste

[85:31 onward]

• Discussion of post-Aurora shooting fear, “Duncer’s Prison” idea for clueless offenders, and how contextless news reporting ruins comic intent:
  • “If you’re reading a transcript of it [a Richard Pryor routine], you’d be horrified. But in the room, it’s different.” (Adam, 93:02).

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10. Comedy, Material, and Comic Structure

[140:44–147:30]

• Adam and Dom Irrera discuss the artificiality of forced setups in TV/comedy (e.g., Byron Allen's Comics Unleashed).
• “What you have is a lot of magicians and a handful of warlocks. And the society builds itself around the magicians because there’s more of them than warlocks.” (Adam, 147:05)
• Candid talk about doing real, in-the-moment comedy vs. “set list” bits.
• Dom: “I'd rather fail trying than have to be so slick. …If I can't think of anything funny, I'll do Dom's act.” (146:49)

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11. Mental Health, Crime, and Responsibility

[175:39–189:47]

• News that the Aurora shooter sent a warning letter before the attack prompts sharp debate about mental health, parenting, gun control, social signs, and society’s failure to monitor the dangerous mentally ill.
• Adam’s core thesis: parents are always the first line of defense, and it's never about achieving zero risk, but reducing it ("It's a percentage game. If we can get from 30 [thousand highway deaths] to 15... that's pretty good.").

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12. Closing Thoughts and Comedy

• Sign-off:
  Allison leads the irreverent and raunchy “zip it, cunt” outro, Dom Irrera plugs standup dates, Adam summarizes thoughts on class, culture, and the show fades out with classic banter.
• Final words on Patrick Muldoon:
  Show bookended with, “Rest in peace, Patrick.” (Giovanni/Adam)

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Notable, Iconic Quotes

• On guest honesty:
  “He was almost being, like, too honest, where it’s like, are you sure you should be this honest, buddy?” (Adam, 01:30)

• On moments of silence:
  “There can be no such thing as a moment of silence without some ass wipe coughing in the middle. I want that guy fucking pulled out.” (Adam, 05:47)

• On "gription":
  “I think they like the flat ceiling—there's more gription.” (Adam, 11:45)

• On celebrity & pander comedy:
  “If you’re funny, you should just be funny, not do for them. …I don’t like those bullshit hillbillies of the blue-collar comedy world, either, pretending they drive tractors to work when they have Lear jets.” (Adam, 22:45)

• On losing football / life transitions:
  “Once football’s over, it’s over forever. There’s not gonna be any of those team huddles... It's just—no, it's done.” (Patrick, 46:03)

• On Denise Richards in 'Starship Troopers':
  “When you break up with a 19-year-old Denise Richards, you have to tell your cock and balls it’s all downhill from here.” (Adam, 52:37)

• On absentee fathers and social decline:
  “Not judging is racist! …The judging starts with you having kids you cannot take care of which should be considered one of the worst things you can do in this society.” (Adam, 79:55)

• On American society’s fragmentation:
  “Now we're just breaking off into these Legos... We're supposed to all melt into one weird color. Now it's all the different colored Legos just being snapped on top of each other.” (Adam, 24:00)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:10] – Tribute to Patrick Muldoon
• [02:23] – Adam’s “moment of silence” rant
• [09:45] – Adam’s revelation about paint finishes & spiders
• [15:54] – George Lopez special, comedy & ethnic stereotypes debate
• [24:00] – Melting pot vs. tribe/identity American critique
• [42:18] – Patrick Muldoon interview begins, USC/football/Seau
• [46:03] – Reflections on athletes’ withdrawal post-sports
• [52:37] – Denise Richards & Starship Troopers stories
• [62:23] – Sally Ride, Ride Sally Ride, & news segment
• [79:55] – On absentee fathers/social problems
• [85:31] – Aurora shooting aftermath, societal panic & “Duncer’s Prison”
• [140:44] – Dom Irrera & Adam on forced standup setups
• [147:05] – “Magicians vs. warlocks” in comedy
• [175:39] – Gun violence, mental health, parenting, and societal percentage games

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Overall Tone & Takeaway

Freewheeling, irreverent, and deeply candid—this Carolla Classics episode is both a celebration of Patrick Muldoon's life/honesty and a showcase for Adam’s unique ability to blend humor with sharp-eyed cultural observation and social critique, ably supported by Allison and Bryan’s rapport.

Listeners are treated to everything from showbiz war stories and sharp rants about culture and politics, to genuine debates on race, parental responsibility, trauma, and societal failings.
Muldoon’s appearance stands out for his open vulnerability about sports and life transitions. In the spirit of the show, the episode mixes laughter, “too honest” admissions, and raw, sometimes uncomfortable, societal reflection.

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Rest in Peace, Patrick Muldoon.

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Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, sweetie. Your mother showed me this Carvana thing for selling the car. I'm gonna give it a try. Wish me luck. Me again. I put in the license plate. It gave me an offer. Unbelievable.

[Dom Irrera]

Okay, I accepted the offer.

[Adam Carolla]

They're picking it up Tuesday from the driveway. I haven't even left my chair. It's done. The car is gone. I'm holding a check anyway.

[Caller/Listener]

Carvana, give it a whirl.

[Adam Carolla]

Love ya. So good you'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on Carvana.

[Allison Rosen]

Pickup fees may app.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Corolla Classics.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to hear any of the full episodes played today, make sure to check out Adam Corolla substack adamcorola.substack.com There you'll find the complete, uncensored Adam Carolla show archives ad free along with the archives, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the new podcast Beat It Out.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you'd like to request a

[Show Producer/Assistant]

clip, please email us classicsamcorla.com now let's

[Adam Carolla]

get to the clips. This week, Patrick Muldoon passed away. He was a legendary guest on the Adam Kolla Show. He appeared once in 2012.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Bald Brian, being a huge fan of

[Adam Carolla]

Starship Troopers, was overjoyed.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Allyson was familiar with Saved by the

[Adam Carolla]

Bell and his early career stint on the show. Overall, he was a really amazing guest. He was really cool, interesting. He was almost being like, too honest, where it's like, are you sure you should be this honest, buddy?

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the most refreshing guests ever

[Dom Irrera]

in the show's history.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

We played clips of him before in Classics.

[Adam Carolla]

He's that good.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

In honor of his passing, I thought

[Adam Carolla]

we played an entire episode in full.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Rest in peace, Patrick.

[Adam Carolla]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Patrick Muldoon. Plus, Allison Rosen on news, Paul Bryant on sound effects and a round of nerd walking. And now, long, cool woman in a black dress, Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on Got to get it on no choice but get it on Mandate, get it on he ain't heavy, he's my brother. People gotta get into the Hollies. That's a good band there. Good to see you, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you. Beau Bryant. I don't feel any sad sucking. Mm, a couple things. Some Unfinished business stuff. I'm looking. I forgot to bring up. First off, somebody tweeted. People tweet me this, everything I complain about, and then they tweet it back to me, which I appreciate. I think Obama was doing his 10 seconds of silence for all the folks that died in the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. And of course, there's a nice big cough in the middle of it, because it's literally impossible, by the way. It's not like somebody says, I'm gonna need between eight and 15 minutes of silence. Someone says, 10 seconds. Like, I feel like whatever I was doing, I could stop for 10 seconds even breathing.

[Allison Rosen]

You could stop for 10 seconds breathing?

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, not that well, not in my America.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm done in seven anyway. I just feel like I could stop. And when they do the 10 seconds of silence and there's some motherfucker who has to clear his throat or cough, it just fucking drives me nuts. And I wonder, because I would find that guy and that guy would go, I just had to cough. And I'd be like, do you have a cold? Do you have a bronchial condition? Like, do you have a problem? Do you have a problem? And they'd be like, no. And he's like, so you just felt like you had the need to cough for that 110 second span? By the way, we've been talking for over 10 minutes. You haven't coughed once. And this. There's a fake cough.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I had a tickle in my throat.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's something going on with people where they're like, look at me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, now's my chance.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's like, they can't.

[Allison Rosen]

Phlegm needs to be on center stage.

[Adam Carolla]

They can't yell, look at me. So they just cough. Or there's. I mean, I do believe that everybody has a little bit of a sort of Tourette's syndrome, which is like, when people come up to meet me, the more nervous they are, the more they fuck up their first sentence. Like, they go, you've been a big fan of mine for a long time, you know, And I never correct them because I know what they mean.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a pleasure to meet me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they usually correct themselves. I hear people call in to talk radio shows all the time and call the host their name just because they're nervous. When you're nervous, it's like if someone

[Allison Rosen]

yells, hurry to me, I go, yeah, everybody does the.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's the part where if you sweat a little bit when you're nervous, you'll Sweat. Sweat a lot. Thus making you seem like you're more nervous. Like there are things that we do, we go against ourselves, we get dry mouth.

[Allison Rosen]

Talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. People that are scared of public speaking get dry mouth, but they get wet forehead. So there you are with a sopping wet upper lip and forehead, but nothing coming out of your mouth. It's the worst we can have.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Trying to lick your own forehead. It's a vicious cycle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's like, it'd be like, oh, if a bear tried to attack you, you just couldn't. But the way we were wired, we couldn't run. Or we start punching ourself in the face. That's what it's like. Bears attacking. You start punching yourself in the face

[Allison Rosen]

or start rubbing honey over your chest.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And all the other things that bears love. I'd love if bears could talk. Next cartoon segment, that'll be my whole Sunday morning. If bears could talk. And that whole thing about what's up with the honey? I don't get it. Jesus Christ.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

It's just a confessional. Sad thing, bears. Actually, truth is, wouldn't even like honey that much.

[Allison Rosen]

I prefer margarine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I like salmon, which tastes nothing like honey. So I was laughing because again, there can be no such thing as a moment of silence without some ass wipe coughing in the middle. And I want that guy fucking pulled out. I really want him pulled out.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I think you're right. And I think it's one of those things you can never prove and no one will ever admit to it, but I think there's a little bit of,

[Adam Carolla]

I must be hurt and look at me or fuck you or whatever, or, you asked me to do something, I'm

[Allison Rosen]

not doing it and no one can say anything. It's also that because here's my whole

[Adam Carolla]

thing, I get my answers this way. When people go, well, I had to cough or I couldn't do it by this time, or I had to do that. And I always just say this. If I gave you $10,000 and said I need 10 seconds of silence, no coughing, you think you could do it? Well, of course, the answer is always of course. And then if the answer is of course, well, then just remove the $10,000 and replace it with being a fucking human being.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's not as compelling.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, I was complaining last night about spiders and I had what I think is a breakthrough. I think I had a moment and it was one of those things where, you know, normally I say silently, that's why they call you ace you don't

[Allison Rosen]

always just say silent.

[Adam Carolla]

This time I yelled it from a mountaintop. Literally. Literally from the mountaintop.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I know your night involved reaching out to the Arachnid community and hiking.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, mm, mm. Yes, I did both. And I said I had a breakthrough because I knew that after talking for 20 minutes about spiders and being in my bedroom and being on my ceiling and being a scourge in my life, that I knew as soon as I got home last night and walked in my bedroom and turned the light on, I knew there'd be a big fucking black spider sitting there waiting for me. It had to be. And sure enough, there it was in the closet. And then five minutes later, there was one above my bed on the ceiling. And then I had what I think is a breakthrough. Now, people are going to disagree with me, but I'm going to try to work this one out. And you guys tweet me, write in, call in, whatever, tell me what you think. I went into my bathroom, which is right next to. To the sort of changing area, closety thing. And I've been thinking about it for a while. Like, I have not seen a spider in this bathroom up on the ceiling or up on the wall anywhere. I've seen a couple down, like in the shower drain kind of thing, but I've not seen anything up on the ceiling or up on the wall in weeks, maybe months. But yet I see them all the time in this little space that's a little bit smaller right next door, just right through the door, and there they all are. And I never see them on the wall of my bedroom, but I see ceiling all the time of my bedroom. And then I said, wait a minute. The bathroom, the entire bathroom is painted in semi gloss. It's shiny. It's, like, slippery. And the ceiling is flat. And this whole closet area where they're hanging out is flat paint. It's almost chalky. And the walls have this kind of. Kind of glaze on them.

[Allison Rosen]

I like where this is going.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it makes it a little bit slippery. And then I said, why are they not on the ceiling in my kitch, I was saying I don't see them in the kitchen. Well, the kitchen is semi gloss, too. And mine has this sort of plastic fake stamp ceiling, but it's not grippy. It doesn't feel. You know, the difference between semi gloss and the difference between flat is one is sort of chalky and the other is wipe it clean. And the reason you go with semi gloss in a kitchen is because when grease spatters on the backsplash or the wall or you spill or whatever, you can wipe it off with a sponge and. Meaning it's sort of a car finish versus a chalkboard finish. And I thought when you're inverted constantly,

[Allison Rosen]

I think, well, I have some experience with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I think you like the grip of the flat better than the grip of the semi gloss. So that if you're a spider and you're going to be hanging around in Corolla's bedroom, you're going to hang out in this changing area which is flat rather than the bathroom. There's nothing in either area for you, you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

You're so insecure with your legs.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no food or anything. I think the feeling of this one is better. And then I realized the ceiling's flat and they're on the ceiling. They're rarely on the wall. They're probably beyond the ceiling anyway. But I thought, I wonder if I put my clear glaze on the ceiling or I do a semi gloss on the ceiling and I do a semi gloss in this room. If I can get them the fuck out of here. This is huge. At least off the ceiling.

[Allison Rosen]

If it works, then everyone could apply. I'm a vaseline. My walls.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a breakthrough. Yes. I don't think it's going to drive him out the house, but I really, to me, I don't really mind so much if the spider's in the kitchen or the pantry because I don't sleep in the pantry unless I'm really stoned. So that's only like three days a week, you know. I don't like the idea. I'll tell you what bothers me. What bothers me is the spontaneous spotting of the spider when you do the move where you go, you know, it's 3:00am and you go, I gotta take a piss. And you'd get up and you come back, you turn the light on, you walk back in the room and you look up and it's there and it's like, oh, shit, that thing was there the whole. If I didn't have to piss, it was just there the whole fucking time. Yeah. So I think I could remove the flat paint. Somebody's gonna tweet me and tell me, but I think they like the flat ceiling more than the semi gloss ceiling. I think there's more gription. And by the way, like I said, my kitchen ceiling has one of these like stamped metal type things on it. Although it's plastic, but you can't tell, like pressed Tin? Yeah, it looks like pressed tin. Like an old New York bar. Never. Are they on that? Because that's plastic with semi gloss or gloss paint on it, like a glaze on it. And it's just almost no adhesion, no grip. I'm wondering, just wondering.

[Allison Rosen]

I think you should do it and see it makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, someone's gonna tell me about it because I'm thinking, why the fucking. Why nothing in the bathroom and everything in the room right next to the bathroom that has nothing going on except for flat paint. Yes, gription. I'm quite familiar with that phrase we always used to use gription back when I played popcorn or football. We're talking about throwing the ball and grabbing the ball and gripping the ball.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Grip action.

[Adam Carolla]

Grip action.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Middleman.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I thought it was grip and friction.

[Adam Carolla]

Either way, friction was a little big for us back then. Irvine improv next Wednesday, August 1st Doug Benson up on stage. Me in the University of Buffalo Center Performing Arts Saturday, July 28 Carmel, California Sunset Center August 17 I'm racing that day Saturday and Sunday. And they have a special pass where you can get the couple days to the race and a couple days or at least one night to the comedy. And even if you're not a big fan of the vintage cars, it's such a great day. Bring your kids weather. I've been up there 10 years running. The weather is always spectacular in Monterey. It's just always. It's never been rained out. And fuck the track. Go to the Italiano concourse. Just all the Ferraris and Lamborghinis as far as the eye can see on a golf course, going down a hill looking, you know, the bay out in the distance. And you just, you just walk around drinking wine like Aldocelli. It is fucking awesome. It is one of those, when you do these events, you go, wow, this is why the terrorists hate us. Like, there's nothing. We're on a golf. There's. I'm looking down a golf course. I'm looking at a bunch of beautiful women and a bunch of rich dudes. And I'm looking at $200 million worth of beautiful Italian design and people just walking around with a glass of wine in their hand only because they like it.

[Allison Rosen]

I once went to a celebrity tennis tournament.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Alan Thicke was there and Brian Robbins from Head of the Class. Don't be a 1 upper. Like I said before, but it wasn't anything like that. It was lawn.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is, it is, it is you. And you do do these things like I've said Where, like I said, take. When, when you take a tour of when I was what I was bragging about taking a tour of the wine place. Pixar. Oh, Pixar. Take a tour of Pixar. You'll immediately be uplifted. Like, you'll just go, like I said, you turn on the news, I was like, oh, more gang related violence and more ethnic cleansing out of Bosnia or something. And you go, oh, fuck, it's not

[Show Producer/Assistant]

gonna be a good Pixar movie.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. But then you go into Pixar and you go, wow, we're not so bad after all. Look at us. People of all different colors and stripes and religions and they're all fucking just playing hacky sack and getting along and just rocking out to the beat. It's unbelievable. So anyway, that'll be Carmel and I will be put in a car. Carmel.

[Allison Rosen]

Good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Not Taco Bell material. The book available. All right. So I was home the other night and I caught the George Lopez special on hbo. And I like George Lopez. I know George Lopez, say we're best friends, but I call him a friend. And I, we worked on a movie together many years ago. And I think he's a good guy and I think he's a funny guy. But his special, well, the first thing I noticed about it was the theme song at the. I don't know, you guys, I hope you're sitting down because you'll never guess the theme song that was playing at the beginning of the George. For the cold opening of the George Lopez special. But we'll just take a look. Take a little look.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Mark Bolari.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, Antonio. Is it ready? All good, George. New brass plush.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah, Ready for the ride.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, George, go make Richard proud.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know who that is, by the way, but that's George Lopez meeting Mayor Villaragosa.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

The guys in the auto body shop.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Tony Villaragosa and Wilter Valderon driving a Low rider car. I just cut. Cut part of the. Cut part of the cold opening off for you. We just. Now you can. It comes out, by the way, Antonio Viragosa or Tony Velar, which is our mayor, his real name. I didn't even believe him doing that. He's so. He has a personality disorder. But this is George playing Low rider, by the way, when somebody says, hey, I want to play a song at the beginning of my show, and someone says low rider, doesn't someone go into something a little more interesting than that? Because that's, that's everyone's first Choice, like, that's what I expect. All right, now you listen to this. HBO only United States of America, very best. Yeah. That gets the big round of applause tonight. We are live on hbo. Machisimas gracias. Thank you. It's Chicano time. Let's go.

[Dom Irrera]

Cholo.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Coacholo. I'm scared.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Is that a number five at Chipotle? Hola, Le. All right, hold on. You're really gonna do the white guy voice? I'm scared of Chicano. Really? Los Angeles, about 50% Chicano.

[Caller/Listener]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello, my name is Grant. Does anyone ever go. I mean, it's just a. I object to it. Cause it's a horrible joke. Cause it's like a Richard Pryor joke from 1977. Like, you're doing that same bad white guy voice, which is always sort of gay. And then, uh, I'm scared of black people. Uh, what is this Mechanic? We should roll up the windows. Is that really a fair depiction of folks? I mean, maybe Alabama circa 1950 something, but not Los Angelenos, Right? You know any. You have any friends that react that way? No, no, I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Not publicly.

[Adam Carolla]

But if it was funny. So anyway, I said, all right, now just pick a random clip. Because I watched a whole thing and I said, I told Mike, just pick a random clip in the middle somewhere. Addicts and not allowed in the house. I don't want the pichi marijuana in my fucking house. But when other families have a drug addict, all the family gets together, they fly in, they have an intervention. They're very organized. No one knows we're having an intervention for Riley. He's abusing prescription drugs and marijuana. Riley is not aware that we're going to accost him and read the Times

[Dom Irrera]

that he's been drunk in public and

[Adam Carolla]

using barbiturates and marijuana. And he comes in, hey, what's going on? Riley, you're a drug addict. 25 members of the family. You can't get 25 black and Latino people together unless you have drugs and alcohol. All right, first off, again, not a flattering joke, but I thought, all right, he's doing the whole, like, Latino thing. Like, all right, get that going and, you know, and then let's get going with the comedy.

[Allison Rosen]

That is the comedy, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's a funny guy, and he's a funny stand up. And it's not all. Like, it doesn't all. And then I realized I just watched the entire thing. I'll let you listen to the very last joke on the. On the. Of an American Steals from the president of the United States. I said, you know what kind a Mexican American. Thank you very much, Los Angeles. I love you. Gracias, hbo. Listen to this one. Good night. Viva Laraza. La Raza's. It's called the race, everybody. That's the translation. It's just a group that would. Well, there it is. What's it say up there, the definition of la raza, the people or the

[Allison Rosen]

Hispanic people of the new world.

[Adam Carolla]

There we go, huh?

[Allison Rosen]

In the context that NCLR uses it, La raza. Who's nclr, though? La raza means the people or the Hispanic people of the.

[Adam Carolla]

What does the word la raza mean, Dina?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, I'll continue reading. People of Chicano and Mexican descent in the Hispanic world, as well as mestizos who share Native American or national Hispanic heritage. The concept of inclusiveness was initially promoted by Jose Vasconcelos as part of the phrase and title of his essay, la raza cosmica. The mixing of white, black and native in the Western Hemisphere.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I'm confused by that definition.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, he did one hour on just I'm Mexican.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

But that's his. He's talking to his constituents. Right? I mean, like, that's his audience.

[Adam Carolla]

It's right.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

She's there.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Not saying it's right or wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I get what you got. I understand. It's your job. Yeah, that's his. Here's Laraza, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Race. In the Spanish language, the term raza translates to race, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It's the race. Right? Yeah. That's who he's speaking to. That's who Viragosa is speaking to. That's who everybody is speaking to. Now. That's the problem. The problem is everybody's speaking to their people. It used to just be people. Bill Cosby didn't speak to black people. He just spoke to people. George Carlin just spoke to people. Now it's this whole thing of get your people together. And by the way, he doesn't drive a 55 Chevy. That's done up in primer and dragging the rear end. I'm sure he drives a Lexus. And he doesn't live in the barrio, and he's probably not for la raza. He knows his people get to rise out of his.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think it's a real calculated decision to do it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. I do. And I think it's slightly disingenuous. And I also just think it's not that funny. You know, I think you're just Kind of playing to that makes me go,

[Allison Rosen]

oh, this is for them. It's not for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

I think that's how it makes you feel if you don't identify with the group that the jokes are being told to.

[Adam Carolla]

It does, but that shouldn't. That's. I see. To me, it's kind of counter American. And I think if you're funny, you should just be funny, not do for them. And listen, I'm not, you know, I don't like those bullshit hillbillies of the blue collar comedy world either, pretending like they drive tractors to work when they have Lear jets.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not celebrating that. It's divisive. I'm saying I find. I find it off. Putting.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

It does feel. Pandering.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's pandering. He's a rich guy, doesn't live anywhere in that neighborhood. And also, when it comes to your culture, playing lowrider and driving a squatted Chevy that's, you know, with smoke pouring out of the back, it just kind of feels like. Really? Is that like Cheech and Chong circa 1977?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Now, here's something worth discussing. What do you think is worse, the blue collar comedy tour guys or the George Lopez? The pandering by both groups, because it's inauthentic on both counts. It's like they've turned their back on their culture and in a way, but they're also sort of holding up a facade, saying, I'm still part of you guys. I still drive the truck or I

[Adam Carolla]

still drive the tractor. I don't like either one of them. I don't like George Lopez's shit less because at least they're playing blue collar, playing to idiots in this country. This is playing to a whole bunch of people that fled their shitty country to come to this country. They came here because their country was shit, and now they pander to it and long for it. They're only here because their country was shit at the time they left it. I say that about all groups that are here. You're here because there's something about this country that this country offered that your country didn't or doesn't offer. And so you came here and then you learned the language, and then you assimilated and then you worked hard, and then eventually nobody gave a shit where you were from. Now somebody's figured out, this is this group. This is that group. Let's get a politician to represent everybody. Let's get a comedian to represent that group. Let's get an audience for that group. And now we're just breaking off into these Legos. We're supposed to all melt into one weird color. It's now all the different colored Legos just being snapped on top of each other. And I don't think it's proving to be a great experiment. I don't think it's working that well in the schools. I don't think it's working that well socially.

[Allison Rosen]

We're not a melting pot, just a bunch of items in a pot.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. We're not. We're just floating. We're just Legos floating in a pile of gazpacha. And he knows what he's doing. And, you know, he's not a bad person. He's trying to sell out the amphitheater. And I get it. But as a comedian, I don't know, somewhere at the end of the day, you just gotta go home and hang up your sombrero and think, what did I just do? You know what I mean? Like, did I do starting off with Low rider and then getting in a lowrider and literally seeing Cheech and Chong at the beginning, and then just perpetuating a bunch of Mexican stereotypes like this. This thing of I'm gonna tell jokes about. And it's the same thing the blue collar comedy guys do, but it's a little bit different. I'm going to be a champion for these people, except for I'm gonna tell a bunch of jokes about them stabbing each other. And a bunch of. And starting off with the Whitey is freaked out by the Mexico. It's 2012. Give Whitey.

[Allison Rosen]

The whole thing looks like a parody.

[Adam Carolla]

Give Whitey a little more credit than being freaked out by the Chicanos.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

There's also a little bit of contempt for your audience, too, because you're like, oh, this stuff that we're all very, very, very familiar with. They're gonna find that hilarious. So let's put that out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the stuff Richard Pryor did in the later midter 70s, doing the white guy voice.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Although we do sound like that, though. I mean, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

That is true. And I am frightened of Chicanoese. All right, listen, I like George Lopez. I just. And I think he's a talented guy. I just. That's part of the problem. Like, I just watch. I said, oh, it's the George Lopez special on hbo. Not the George Lopez special on HBO in Espanol or on George Lopez Especial. Yeah. Or coming up after Piolin on the local radio station. I was like, it's George Lopez. It's comedy. It's an hour. I like George Lopez, I like comedy. I like hbo. And I sat down to watch it. Like I was watching an hour long comedy special. Like I watched Jim Jeffries Comedy Special. Louis CK's or who?

[Allison Rosen]

Jim Jeffries speaking just to Australians.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Doing the old jacko bits from the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oy. Yeah, yeah. So. And again, everyone does their thing. Fat guys talk about being fat for a little while and chicks talk about being chicks. And I guess Jeffries might do a little Australian something, but I don't even

[Allison Rosen]

know if he does. Yeah, just about.

[Adam Carolla]

Just about 40 seconds.

[Allison Rosen]

You do. Just to sort of warm up the crowd and sort of acknowledge what they might be thinking. Yeah, about how you look or how you're coming across. But this is different. This is like an entire especial of

[Adam Carolla]

this kind of joke pinata filled with unfunny candy. All right. But anyway, nice guy. I was expecting more. I was expecting something that me and my wife could sit down in separate rooms and enjoy, you know? That's all I'm saying. Why can't a guy sit down with his wife in separate rooms and enjoy an HBO comedy special?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I just don't make them anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Tell you what they don't make. They don't make tough, tough mudders anymore. That's right. Someone's just tweeting me that they just completed a toughmutter dot com. Oh, you feel good? You feel tough? Achievement, man. I gotta tell you, it's. It's sad but true. We need it. You need it today. You can't get it playing a video game, man. All you get is fat and herpes from the joystick. Oh, yeah, it's true.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

How do you play video games?

[Adam Carolla]

Look it up. Love to look it up, guy. Look it up. Look it up. Tough. Mutter noder comes back to that guy.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Hey, I looked it up. That's completely inaccurate. Yeah, no one ever comes back to

[Adam Carolla]

the guy look it up again. I know. They never happen.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, maybe you looked in the wrong place.

[Adam Carolla]

10 miles, 25 military style obstacles. It is a tough mudder, baby. Plus, They've raised over 3.2 million, by the way. I've been saying this for like three weeks, so it's got to be up to 3.3 by now. 3.2 million for the Wounded Warrior project. They'll even meet you at the finish line with a nice cold beer and a band. That's right. And an apology for what they put your soul through.35 events worldwide. In 2012, go to toughmutter.com, use the code Adam Carolla for the discount. That is tough Mudder, man. All right, we got people on the phones. We got our guest out there. Boy. Hop on the phones real quick, like, and see what we got here. Patrick.

[Caller/Listener]

How's it going, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Going well. Patrick, question.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, I don't have a question. I just want to say thanks. I've been. I've been a fan of years, since I was like 16 or something like that. And exactly a year ago, I dumped my fiance of four years and kind of turned my life around. Kind of on your coattails, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Caller/Listener]

And, you know, I dumped her, moved back home, got a great job, started a website, started a podcast, started doing stand up comedy here in KC and trying to think. I picked up an instrument, started doing that. And then just this weekend, I'm going to a city I've never been to with no one I know, and I'm just going to have kind of a doing stuff weekend, doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

And do you do is the bulkier material about being a white guy who just dumped his fiance from KC and then how the Latin guys are all like, oh, man, look what he's doing. That was my favorite. That was really good.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Genghis Khan.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, thank you. Yeah. Had a little King and I there. Yeah,

[Caller/Listener]

it's mostly barbecue humor and kc.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, I understand you and kc. Hey, I know that audience, man.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Charcoal humor.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so I know. Can someone find me the definition of laraza, by the way? That's slightly more coherent, just for fun. All right, so anyway, you've gotten yourself back up on your feet and you're calling to thank me, no doubt. Well, don't thank me, buddy. You did it yourself. I'm just talking over here.

[Caller/Listener]

I understand, but I mean, it all takes a little bit of a kickstart, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

And I thank you for listening. And listen, you want to thank me? Tell a friend about the podcast, baby.

[Caller/Listener]

Randomly this morning I told a bunch of people, and here I am now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, don't do it randomly. They'll think you're insane.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, randomly on Facebook.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I dig it. Thanks, Patrick. Keep up the good fight.

[Caller/Listener]

You too.

[Adam Carolla]

Take care of yourself. Let's see.

[Allison Rosen]

Broke up with his fiance and moved back home.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone, I guess, took my advice. I'm coming out to Buffalo. Someone wants to talk wings. I'm weird because I don't like wings. I find them.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You don't like Hooters Wings. I don't like wings because those Are an abomination. But there are things out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's my problem. I'm the kind of guy who likes the drumette more than the wing because I find it too bony, too slippery, too skinny, and too. I want to sink my teeth into something, and I feel like. I feel like I've. You know, like someone put some kindling in my mouth and dipped it in something hot. Like, I'm not sure where to stop or end. And, like, it feels like it's all skin with the bone and stuff. Like.

[Allison Rosen]

And I feel like you have to make out with it at a certain point because there's some meat that's kind of, like, too embedded in it.

[Adam Carolla]

I have. By the way, I have the same. You. When people do the. Oh, the crawfish, you bite the head off, and then you put your dick and it's over. And then you get someone else to run over it in their truck. And then you get. You get what? Quarter ounce of something. Meat coming.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Overrated Food.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just give me a lobster tail and. No, don't give me a nutcracker or a hammer. How about you take it out of the shell? Yeah, you take it out of the fucking shell. But like this, by the way. Like, when I eat a steak, I don't go, where's the hoof? Where's the cow? Where's the head? No, I'm like, I got it. You cut it out for me. Handed it to me. Now I will go with the big beef rib because there's plenty there. There's plenty of meat on the bone, but the wing, I feel like I'm struggling with.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Plus, God made the drumette so perfectly, you could hold it on one end and chew on the other.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. That's the way. That's the way I feel about the drumette. Yes. Sorry, I can't read the definition from where we are. Can you read that?

[Allison Rosen]

Are you guys trying to piss him off?

[Adam Carolla]

Can you just. Because you're gonna make me read this

[Allison Rosen]

thing and then it's gonna p. This

[Adam Carolla]

is a Spanish to English translator.

[Allison Rosen]

Human race. No, wait. Where. Sorry, Tell Raza. Race, generation, lineage, family, clan, branch of a family.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but the organization, Rasa race, what it's about.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, I know what it means, but what is it? The significance.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, what are they. Yeah, it means the race, which is bad. That part I know, but it wouldn't sound good coming from almost any group. But, yeah, the definition of that group. Sorry. Yeah. All right. Tony tried to pull up.

[Dom Irrera]

Tony here.

[Adam Carolla]

Tony Ace, man.

[Caller/Listener]

What's up?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, Tony? So you're calling from Buffalo. I'm coming to Buffalo. And you want me to have some wings. But I don't like Buffalo wings.

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, have you. Have you had wings in Buffalo? They're a little bit different than they

[Adam Carolla]

are around the nation. All right, I'll do that thing just because. Just because it's the largest National League Latino civil rights and advocacy organization in the United States, and it works to improve the opportunities for Hispanic Americans. The race. La Raza. All right, there we go. Thank you, Tony.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're saying if I went to Buffalo.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, you're going to Buffalo.

[Adam Carolla]

I should try the wings.

[Caller/Listener]

I recommend it.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

How about this? You like? I think it's mostly about the sauce, not the actual wings itself. Boneless Buffalo wings.

[Adam Carolla]

How about boneless Buffalo wings?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, it's all about the sauce.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll do the boneless wings. How about that? All right. Hey, wait a minute. I'm gonna talk to someone who's doing something with this kid. Dan.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Adam, man. Awesome to talk to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, buddy. What's going on?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, I've been living in Korea for, like, the past three and a half years and got pretty serious with a Korean girl. And we're dating two years, and I'm just wondering what you think. Like, if we get married, she. She wouldn't come back to usa, so I pretty much mean I'd be living Korea, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Mike, find the origins of La Raza. That's what I'm at. That's what I need now. All right. She what? Huh? Korea. She's living in Korea.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, we're getting pretty serious, and if we get married, she wouldn't want to move back to usa, so I'd pretty much have to live in Korea.

[Adam Carolla]

How much? Just how much does Korea suck?

[Caller/Listener]

It's not bad. I mean, I left Florida for it, but Florida's not

[Adam Carolla]

right. South Korea is fine. Have you been. Can you go to North Korea?

[Caller/Listener]

You can go to the DMZ line, but no, you can't really go to North Korea.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Caller/Listener]

At least Americans can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So Korea. Korea is fine. South Korea is fine. But North Korea is a hellhole. And how do they decide if you're Korean? Like, you're just on one side of the DMZ and that's it.

[Allison Rosen]

What if your legs.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, yeah, just from the Korean War, you know, they got in a big.

[Adam Carolla]

That's that.

[Caller/Listener]

Whoever's on the south, they just had to stay there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And It's a paradise, just like East Berlin was. Does anyone ever raise their hand and go, look, people. People are getting shot going one direction, but they're not getting shot going the other direction. Does anyone ever give that any thought? All right, Dan, since you seem to like Korea and do you speak Korean?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I've learned a little bit since I've been there. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so you're cool with it then, live in Korea?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm worried about raising a kid there. I don't like how they raise children there.

[Adam Carolla]

How do they.

[Caller/Listener]

Stressful.

[Adam Carolla]

What do they do? What do they do?

[Caller/Listener]

They're just. It's all study, study, you know, weekends they don't have. Enjoy themselves. It's really high pressure society.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what it I. There's a part of me that likes that and then another part that thinks, why wind everyone up so tight all the time? Because you will get the kid. He'll get a B minus on a calculus, you know, final, and jump off. A fucking. Jump off the watchtower, you know, Funny you say that.

[Caller/Listener]

Korea has the highest suicide rate for people under the age of 25. All like modern societies.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, it's unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

I kind of like that. I like to go find the culture that has the biggest problem with eating disorders and hang out there for a while. I feel like I could.

[Caller/Listener]

That might be Korea.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck a lot of chicks or, you know, feeling like they had low self esteem. All right, all right. So you don't really want to raise your kid and you really. There's nothing you can do? Can you. Can you. Can you raise them in the home there? You know what I mean? Do they have homeschooling?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, we wouldn't be able to do that. It's pretty expensive to live there. But maybe I could do, like, international school, but that'd be expensive.

[Adam Carolla]

Why. Why is your wife. She's not flexible about going. Going back to the US of A?

[Caller/Listener]

No. Koreans are very, like, family oriented, you know, like. And she couldn't, you know, it's a lot easier for me to live there because there's a lot of English speaking, you know, Westerners there, and she'd have trouble in Florida finding other cranes and.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Caller/Listener]

I think she. She would, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Like water here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How tall are you?

[Caller/Listener]

Six? Two.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Fucking stretch king. Getting into those pickup games at the park. Just fucking posting up. Yeah, just posting up on all those guys. Hold the ball up with one hand while I'll jump after it.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

He gets a nickname, like the local community.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

White ladder.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that good TV show, too. All right, listen, Dan. What am I here? I mean, you love her, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like that. Tough society, on the other hand, they overdo it. I'm trying to think of where the balance is, you know? Korea's not what you're looking for. Mexico's not what you're looking for. I don't know what you're looking. Maybe Canada is what you're looking for in the terms of, like, well, educate them. But then on the weekends, go ahead and crack a beer. You know what I mean? Like, where's that? I don't know. Maybe it's just. Think of what. I don't know. Spain. I'm trying to think of, like, what country does the. They should learn a couple languages. And it wouldn't be hard if they could play string. It wouldn't be bad if they could play string instrument. But you got to dance a little on the weekends and see if you can get laid.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

How about. Japan's right there. It's a little too strict.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like Japan's still a little wound too tight. And then that's where they get into the, like, eating sushi off of virgins and do a lot of, like, we got to go slaughter a bunch of whales and of kind, cut off a bunch of shark fins and cut a bunch of rhino stuff and stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Do they do music in Canada, though?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a good point. It's all BTO and Anne Murray. That's the problem.

[Allison Rosen]

France.

[Adam Carolla]

That's pretty. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It'd be easy to just drink and eat cheese.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think you get a little too. I think you're like. I think too French. You want your. You want your 26 weeks of paid vacation every year. Otherwise, you're pissed. And it's like a little. It's going a little too far that way. I'd say France circa 1975 or something like that. Yes. Good luck with that. I'm gonna work on it. Hey, I love my kids. I'm gonna make it happen. All right, we need to take ourselves a little break. Patrick Muldoon is here. Days of Our Lives, baby. He's Coming Back.

[Allison Rosen]

Or Duel, as people who are familiar with the abbreviations would call it. Dol. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

There's a lot of people who know exactly what I'm talking about.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I was like, he was in Duel.

[Allison Rosen]

He was like, 12, no D, O O.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm excited because I know I'm from Melrose Place, which I watched religiously, and also Starship Troopers.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is quietly one of my favorite. Well, not one of my favorite, but a movie that I enjoyed quite a bit that sort of slid under the radar and then came back. It's the Alf of movies. But what I'm saying is, is people didn't like when Starship Troopers came out. Everyone didn't go, oh, that's an excellent M.O. but then two years later, if Starship Troopers would come up, everyone would go, oh, yeah, that was good.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

It was a grower, not a shower.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, we'll take ourselves a quick break. Patrick in next, let's check Adam's voicemail. Brought to you by Evoice. Ace, man, what's going on? Brian from Connecticut.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm calling to say that I'm getting

[Adam Carolla]

married this weekend and my wonderful wife V is letting us have wedding pie.

[Caller/Listener]

So thank you very much for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Click the evoice banner on AdamCarolla.com or go to www.evoice.com Adam to get an exclusive 6 month free trial offer. Evoice, your mobile phone at work. Yeah. Ben with Patrick Muldoon. Thank you so much. Forgetting the pie, by the way. TV show Days of our Lives. What year are we on on Days of our lives?

[Patrick Muldoon]

47.

[Adam Carolla]

And you've been there all 40?

[Patrick Muldoon]

All 47, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Seven of those years. Weekdays, NBC. And also, I'm looking down here, Starship Troopers. I love that. Played usc. Played ball over at usc. Go ball, Brian.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Fight on, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Played tight end, Played with. Oh, yeah. Played with Junior Sam. Yeah. I cannot believe the whole Junior SEO thing. As someone who lean up on your mic, by the way, Patrick, as someone who played on the same team with the guy, what do you make of that?

[Patrick Muldoon]

It was, you know, two weeks before it happened. You know, some of my best friends are teammates still, and we were gonna see Junior down in Orange County. You know, he was supposed to hook up with us. We were texting. So it was a complete shock. But if you know the guy, I mean, charismatic, funny, chill. As much as he is a deadly guy in the field, he was just like a really nice guy. So all everybody was just shocked.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there an element? And there's a couple things. You know, sometimes when people go, oh, he was suicidal. Well, it's not like he was born suicidal. Sometimes all it takes is a bad day. Like for some people who are impulsive, you know what I mean?

[Patrick Muldoon]

But he was not. He was kind of a, you know, very disciplined guy and, you know, just the disposition of a guy who had it together. You know, he was not moody or,

[Adam Carolla]

you know, But I'm saying, like, people can come undone pretty quickly. Like, the girlfriend can break up with you, you can have a bad whatever, and then you need access to, like, firearm. Like, I do believe that for some people, it's like, I always talk about, like, well, you know, who has the highest incidence of suicide? Cops. And everyone's like, well, it's such a stressful job. So, no, they have a gun on them. I would have killed myself 1500 times by now if I had a gun on me.

[Patrick Muldoon]

If I had a gun, I would have to bury it in the backyard.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Muldoon]

No easy access.

[Adam Carolla]

Three times a week, you decide it'd be a good idea to kill yourself.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And those you love. All right, so I've. Because he's such this. And I also have this feeling that Junior Seau was one of these guys, that his highs were so high that the quiet time seemed almost, in a way, what a letdown. I mean, when you lived that guy's. When literally the last 25 years of your life has been played. I mean, running out in the Rose bowl and the super bowl and the adrenaline high and the fix you get out of that, and then all of a sudden, you're just sitting alone and no one's cheering anymore. That's got to be tough. Have you.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Did anybody here. Did you guys play ball? High school ball?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I saw football.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yes, you did.

[Adam Carolla]

I played high school football, and it's the only thing I was good at. And I was depressed for years now.

[Allison Rosen]

Keep.

[Adam Carolla]

I went and cleaned carpets and dug ditches. So I had reason to be depressed. You know, if I'd opened my own company and was getting laid, you know, maybe that'd be a different story, but I wasn't. But I had withdrawals. Like, I played 11 years of football. I loved football. I was good at it. And then all of a sudden, it was gone. And I spent at least five years in a funk over not being able to do. Because you can't do what you love anymore. Oh, you can go to the park and fuck around in your shorts.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't play football in those.

[Patrick Muldoon]

In those other sports.

[Adam Carolla]

Basketball, right? Yes, Baseball.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Basketball, you can go get a pickup game, but once football's over, it's over forever because you're not going to go to the park and have 22 guys in full pads. And that's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the thing.

[Patrick Muldoon]

So it's a bit different.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a very good point.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I played baseball and I'd Go play softball. And I'd be satiated. Like I felt like I'm playing baseball, right. And I'd play pick up basketball games and I felt like I was playing basketball. But football was always like, oh, forget it. There's not going to be any of that team huddles or whistleblowing or kickoffs. There's no refs, there's no pads, we can't hit. It's just. No, it's done. Like everything's grabbing.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Grabbing the Nerf just doesn't seem to cover it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Muldoon]

You know, but, you know, I mean, when I stopped, I think I was 20 or 21. And I remember the next I didn't go to spring ball and I saw a television that had football on it and I started crying like a little baby and I couldn't watch football for two years. So imagine what he did. I think he played 20 years in the NFL, right. You know, was one of the greatest linebackers ever to play the game. And then you just stop. So, you know, everybody, even you, went through it. There's.

[Adam Carolla]

I did. I wasn't even any good.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

What was your last year, Patrick? If you know, I'm asking. College.

[Patrick Muldoon]

My last playing year, we lost to Michigan in the, I think it was the 989 Rose Bowl.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Did you play Marinovich or was he after you?

[Patrick Muldoon]

No, with. With Todd.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Oh, wow.

[Patrick Muldoon]

So it was Rodney, Pete, then Todd.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, wow.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

That's a great era for us. He had Mark Carrier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, Mark everybody.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, some great players.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

But I was, you know, I was a light tight end, so I was scout offense. The guys that get run over by the first string defense five days a week. And the first year, you know, I red shirted and you know, I was a good high school player. But Junior came up and it was just. I found acting, you know, because he just ran me over.

[Adam Carolla]

Junior, Sam, five days a week and

[Patrick Muldoon]

there was no contest. Blow me off the ball 10 yards back and pile.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

He popped you out of the stage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. I think I'm gonna find act most depressing. Well, first you found a mirror and then you decided to find acting. That's why I found a mirror. And I found carpet cleaning.

[Patrick Muldoon]

I found a tanning salon.

[Caller/Listener]

The, the.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Were you and Mark Harmon ever on the same field at the same time or is he older than you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's older. He played in like the 70s. Playing the early 70s.

[Allison Rosen]

The 1840s.

[Patrick Muldoon]

The 1840s, yeah. That's when football was football.

[Adam Carolla]

He played quarterback for UCLA. I was say probably like 71 to 74 or five or something like that. Yeah, it was very early, I think early 70s, mid early. Anyway, we'll find out. Yeah. Depressing when you can't. And then the notion. There's a horrible notion which is going from one of the best players on your high school team to one of the worst players on your college team to getting your ass kicked fucking sucks. And it just sets in. I had that too. Now I didn't even go to usc, but I was one of the only all league players on my high school team. And I just went to junior college and got my ass kicked. And I was like, it was so depressing because you can say whatever you want to your friends, but you know, when you're getting your ass kicked. Yeah. And I knew I was getting my ass kicked at this level. I could only imagine going to another level. 72 and 73. Mark Carmen, starting quarterback at UCLA. And at least you're getting your ass kicked by a guy named Junior Seau at one of the biggest football programs in the country.

[Patrick Muldoon]

At least I can say that I got my ass kicked by, you know, no Harm, a famous linebacker.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine that.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You go across the middle, you get past Junior SEO and there's Mark Carrier right at you.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah. And both. Both really cool cats. But, you know, the, the thing is that they're saying now is there's so much impact at the base of the skull from the impact because, you know, the jump from high school to college, the game's probably four times faster. And I have a friend of mine who is actually the starting tight end for SC was Paul Green. He played 10 years in the NFL and he hated it. He said every play was a traffic accident, you know, so the scar tissue must have been, you know, pretty severe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, for junior. And you know, you're saying 21 years in the NFL, but you're also saying college and then high school and then Pop Warner. And I mean, maybe the collisions aren't as hard, but I've seen some pretty hard hits in the high school level and the Pop Warner level. And your brain's not developed at that point. And by the time the dust settles, guy like Junior seau had over 30 years of head collisions. And that without taking a year off, that's a lot o trauma.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Maybe the most violent position for head, you know, collisions.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Because when you're playing middle linebacker and they do the draw play or they just run it up the gut, but you have to go take on the fullback, and the fullback is basically the linebacker of the offense. That's by the way, when he plays defense, he plays middle linebacker. That's what the fullback plays. And there's another 240 pound guy who's built like a butt plug. And you got to go stuff that hole. And I have to. I like to make it homoerotic when I can. And you got to go stuff that guy. And there's head trauma on both sides. All right, again. Days of our lives for 47. 48 years.

[Patrick Muldoon]

47 going on 48.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus, Joseph and Mary. Yeah, Good goddamn gravy. And what's going on with Denise Richards? Are you guys going out? Are you back on again?

[Allison Rosen]

Rumor structure between the two of you is overwhelming.

[Adam Carolla]

You should mate. You should definitely mate.

[Patrick Muldoon]

She's definitely. She's definitely hot. We're just friends. Been hanging out.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it, okay. Hanging out. Your penis has been hanging out of your pants. That's what's been hanging out. I can't. Like when I saw starship troopers circa 1997. 97, I just remember seeing Denise Richards going, oh my God, it's the best looking human being I've ever seen. Like, I just never, I don't think I'd seen her prior to that. And I was just like, I've never seen a human being that looked like this before. You must have working on the show or working on the feature. Thought that yourself.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah, well, I knew Denise 10 years before that.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yeah. What the.

[Patrick Muldoon]

And then, and we did date back then, but I met her, I remember being in an acting class. She was 19, I'm two years older. And I remember turning over. You know, you do the stretch, somebody new in class and seeing her and

[Adam Carolla]

just was like, wow, you dated a like a 19 year old Denise Richards?

[Allison Rosen]

She was just coming off of the teen magazine.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you see, you gotta have. Like, when you break up with a 19 year old Denise Richards, you have to tell your cock and balls it's all downhill from here. Like, don't get used to this cock and balls or whatever you call them. You know what I mean? Like, it's so formal. This is gonna be a fast freefall to whatever you guys land into next because you don't. 19 year old Denise Rich is like, that doesn't. Does it get any better than that?

[Patrick Muldoon]

No, I guess not.

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Patrick Muldoon]

No, but I mean, she's.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, in the looks department. I don't, I don't know her. I don't know what her personalities are.

[Patrick Muldoon]

No, she's great. And and she's really held it together.

[Adam Carolla]

When, when you heard about her and Charlie Sheen, were you like, God damn, no, come on, sweetie.

[Patrick Muldoon]

No, you know, I, I saw it on People magazine or something like that and I was like, huh.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

So I don't know, Liberty to say, but in Starship Troopers, Denise Richards, very, very attractive, but the sneakiest, hottest girl on the screen. Dina Meyer.

[Adam Carolla]

Meyer. Yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

The cool thing is I think it's the 15th anniversary for some reason. We're all in touch again. Casper Van Dien, Jake Busey. Dean. I was at Dina's house last week for a booze up and. And I think we're all going to Germany pretty soon for some really weird Starship Troopers convention. Yeah, but, but you said it earlier in the show, Starship Poopers, right? Well, that, not that convention. I mean that's, that's next month. But no, but we all sat there and the first thing we. I was sitting next to Denise and I remember leaning over going, oh shit. Nobody told us it was a comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Muldoon]

We never thought we're gonna work again. And the movie didn't do that well.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Muldoon]

And it just progressively became kind of this culture classic.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of nice that for all the hype and Madison Avenue bullshit and all that, that if a movie is pretty good and it gets out there, people will do a pretty good job of spreading the word. And even if it doesn't get out of the gates very well and it stumbles a little out of the gate, it'll find a life somewhere just through word of mouth. Just because we're still human beings and you can't stop one guy like Baldbrine from telling his roommates or the other guys over in the Omega house that this is a good movie. Like you gotta see this. Like that. That is the one thing that is left with all the hype and all the bullshit and all the sort of stuff that we have in our society that is just so much nonsense, that word of mouth thing. It works in a good way and it works in a bad way, but it's still really about the most effective way you can make a movie a hit.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

We were just talking about during the break how it was really mismarketed as like a shoot em up action explosion movie. And it's kind of that. But it's this really kind of deep black satire and it's, it's dark and there's some really good stuff in there. People found it.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, I love fucking killing bugs. I was talking about this earlier.

[Patrick Muldoon]

You're Talking about that with the paint,

[Adam Carolla]

the spider and the semi gloss on the spaceship.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

This is your movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Paul Verhoeven, right, was the director. Me and Huell Hauser did Showgirls, by the way, for our next basic cable commentary. So that'll be out toward the end of the week. Huell was on top of his game. He'd never seen Showgirls before and was confused by a lot of the erotica in it, by the way. But Huell was unbelievable. So you're gonna want to check that out. That'll be out about the end of this week. Speaking of out, an evening with me and Dennis Prager from Houston and Phoenix. We took the best and we combined them. Bring them to you. Available on itunes right now and our store as well, currently number one on the spoken word on itunes. All right. Oh, really? Well, we have a clip. I understand. I don't in any way. In any way exonerate, but I understand people who don't. Who feel an allegiance to a person they know and don't want to ruin their lives. That's what happened in the Catholic Church. And by the way, that's a little important thing because everybody. And I'm a Jew, saying this, so I have no axe to grind, but you know, all of this. Oh, what? The church is so corrupt. Well, is Penn State corrupt? Is the church corrupt? Or is it the weakness of humans who could not take an adult they knew and send them to hell because it's. And they deserve to be sent to hell? Let me just. I want to make that utterly and totally clear there. The worst thing you can do is rob a child of innocence. They're on the. On the whole scheme of evil on earth. That's the worst. Yes. This is why, by the way, my. My theory is, look, you know, when it comes time to decide who's taking the kids camping, I'm going to say, who wants to take the kids up to Mount Pinos for the weekend? And if Steve's hand goes flying up, I'm going to go, Steve, you're out. You're not. You'll definitely not. I'll tell you what you're not be doing this weekend. You will not be camping. Now, Burt over here. And then Bert's going to go, oh, shit, there's a playoff game. This. You're taking the kids camping. God damn it. I don't even like kids. Exactly. Exactly. But you do understand the Patriots are playing this weekend. I know. You're the better. You are the better. Oh, you son of a. Adam, you Ruined my weekend. That's right. That's who I want looking after the kids. That's right. All right, so, prager. And it's interesting. I. I appreciate the man's wisdom, and he's right. Nobody wanted to rat out the person. That's essentially when he said, you're going to send them to hell. That's what you're doing. Like, what would you do? And I agree with him both ways. You have to do something. You have to say something. On the other hand, if you found out. Let's just say Chris Maxapata over here was molesting somebody.

[Allison Rosen]

He's not a diddler.

[Adam Carolla]

I've seen him look a certain way. I remember when I was talking about my nephews once, and I just saw his ears perk up at point. See, there he is.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you know what? He's protesting too much.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. He's more molestee than molester.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a diddly.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

He's a vicious cycle.

[Adam Carolla]

If I found out that Bald Brian was doing something, I'd feel like I had to do something. But I also know that when I said something, that means he's going to hell.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, if you believed in hell.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, he means hell like, I

[Allison Rosen]

think he means the fiery jail.

[Adam Carolla]

He means hell and going to prison and being raped in prison for the rest of your life. On this planet, he means both, but he sort of explained it later. But he kind of mean it metaphorically and physically. Like, I. Okay, when. When I go to the authorities about Ryan, his marriage is over, everything is over. His career's over, and he's. He's a pariah and he's going to prison.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so it's like, I understand the impulse of not wanting to be that person.

[Allison Rosen]

I have the most bleeding heart of anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you have to, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Having character means even though you have an allegiance to this person, their act is so awful that you need to protect the people they're hurting.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I know. It's one of those positions where I'm never in, and I've never been in, and thank Christ. I.

[Allison Rosen]

And think how fast your allegiance would kind of dissipate to the person. Like, if you found out one of your good friends was a pedophile.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like Bald Brian. I just use him as an example.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, I know. I'm talking about. Yeah, if you're everything you say.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh? Oh, shit.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but even if it was someone

[Adam Carolla]

you like, you'd be disgusted immediately, right?

[Allison Rosen]

You would judge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. You're right. You know, the.

[Patrick Muldoon]

The guy out in the waiting room, my buddy got. His name's Guy Narduli, and he played for Penn State. We were talking about this today. Said he had no idea. No, I mean, you would never think with that guy's personality that he would ever be the kind of guy.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Was he there? Was he at the same time as Jerry Sandusky?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he had to be there. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's interesting, because the. The sort of. The way he seems in the press is that it doesn't seem that unlikely because he was so invested in the Second Mile charity. And I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I think unless you physically walk in on somebody doing something, it is so foreign to those of us who don't think that way, especially if you have kids. I mean, when you don't think that way, it's. It's. It's like anything. It's like. It's like serial killing or. Or. Or eating certain foods that you like. Like, you just. It's not as bad as poi, but it's up there. You know what I mean? Like, you just go, who would. Like that? Like, who would do that? Like, nobody would do that.

[Allison Rosen]

Suicide. If you've ever had the experience of losing some.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Allison Rosen]

Of. To suicide, when you go, like, holy shit. I always thought I would know something beforehand, and I really did not see this coming.

[Adam Carolla]

It is so insanely off the charts for anybody, you know, who's in the realm of normal being sexual with a kid, that you don't expect it. I mean, that's. That's the thing. That's why terrorism works. You know, the idea of taking over a plane, robbing everyone, landing in Cuba and, you know, and. And. And. And that kind of thing, like, that kind of stuff, you go, okay, that makes sense. Like, you know, you at the atm, at the wrong. In the wrong neighborhood, at the wrong. Too late at night. Like, getting robbed. Like, that makes sense, but flying a plane into a building, that doesn't. That's. It catches people off guard because they're not expecting what's going on. All right, on a happy note, should we do a little. Should we do a little news?

[Allison Rosen]

It won't be happy, but yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good. Sometime times as bad as Alison.

[Dom Irrera]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it. Cut.

[Dom Irrera]

It's Allison, Allison

[Allison Rosen]

Sally Ride, who was the first female astronaut, the first yeah. First American woman in space. Died. She was 61.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

And she died after a 17 month bout with pancreatic cancer. And she was the owner of the San Diego Bay. Sally Ride Science. And does anyone else think it's kind of awesome that her last name was Ride?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I thought she was the one that blew up in the space shuttle.

[Allison Rosen]

Christa McAuliffe.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's the different one.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's a different one. She was first and she came back. And a sort of interesting thing is that it wasn't until her obit that it was public that she was a lesbian, because in her obituary they say that she was survived by her partner, Dr. Tam O', Shaughnessy, who was a professor emerita at San Diego State and chief operating officer and exec vice president of the Sally Ride Science.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a minute.

[Allison Rosen]

Evidently, like people. She was open in her life, and people around her knew there was no secret that was being kept. But it wasn't, you know, public.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Well, a couple of things. First off, she's 61. That song Ride Sally Ride, all you want to do is Ride, Sally Ride. That song must have come out when she was like 14 or 15 or something. Maybe 10. It's got to be weird where you give birth to somebody. Like, my daughter's name is Natalia Carolla. And then somewhere around age 11, someone writes a super popular song, goes, all you want to do is Natalia Carolla, Natalia Corolla. Like, you're saying both names like it's one thing, you know, if your kid's name is Beth, and then kiss comes out with Beth. There's a lot of other kids named Beth, but Ride Sally ride

[Patrick Muldoon]

for an astronaut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Song must have driven her nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

1967. So she was probably born. Oh, she was born in 51. Okay. So she was 13. It's really pretty cool when you're. Oh, I'm sorry, 16. When you're 16 and somebody writes. Someone had it. You know, I used to. I was flattered when I'd walk through the halls of North Highwood High and a couple of the chicks would go, da na na na dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Add corolla. I was flattered enough, but I knew they're butchering the song. There wasn't a real song called Ad Carola. This was Ride Sally Ride. I mean, that's the whole fucking song, right? That. That should have been playing whenever she walked out to a spaceship or something, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe it was. I don't think it was, but yeah,

[Adam Carolla]

we gotta Find that song. Because I. I think that's. That's about the whole fucking song. All she wants to do and then they say her entire name. There's not too many of those going along, right?

[Patrick Muldoon]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Although I hid. I did have a weird moment. And speaking of the. You know when you have weird moments and then you try to tell everyone how weird they were and then they just sit there and I go. And you go, yeah, it's pretty weird, right? And they go, kinda. But it's not that weird to them because they had to be there.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I was at my friend's house once and I was looking at a picture, just a random picture of a woman and a man that was like, on Friends of His. That was like, on his refrigerator. And I said, that chick looks like Janis Joplin. And he went, he was a big gay guy. And he went, believe me, she's no Janis Joplin. That's how he used to talk. And I pointed at the guy and I go, well, he's no Bobby McGee. And he said, well, that is the guy's name. Bobby McGee.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that is weird.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, how often do you point at a random picture of a guy and say his first and last name? Even if you. It's Bobby McGee.

[Patrick Muldoon]

No, I think that's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good.

[Patrick Muldoon]

I actually feel you on that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Really weird name was Robert McGee and they call him Bobby McGee.

[Allison Rosen]

And your friend didn't meet you at the weirdness?

[Adam Carolla]

He. He said it was. He. It was for him. It was good. But everyone I've told it to, after it was kind of like, that's a four. And I was like. I pointed at a random person, said his entire name. Yeah, that's his name.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Oh, it's Mustang Sally. That's Rid. Sally riding.

[Adam Carolla]

But. But she does ride. Sally ride, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's the chorus.

[Patrick Muldoon]

It would have been cooler if her name was Mustang Sally, though. And she was an astronaut.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she was ugly enough. What's that?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Sally Wilson Picket. Really underrated, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Put her flat feet on the ground. This had to be cool when she was in high school, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Kind of. What is this song about?

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing.

[Patrick Muldoon]

It's about some chick who rode horses.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, now you come around signifying a woman you don't want to let me ride. I think she won't give it up to him. But she's got flat feet because she's been running around town with the other man.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe other woman.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, in this song.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, every black song's about fucking. Please. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet. Chariot is about fucking. He wants to fuck Chariot. Talking about his balls. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Absolutely. Absolutely. Sanford and Son theme. Same thing. And there's no lyrics. All right. No one knows what it's about. I don't know if it's about a car. It's confusing because there's a car. By the way, there's a P51 Mustang, too, from World War II. I don't think they're talking about that plane.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

It's about a sweet, sneaky baseline.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it's about. That's right. All right. Anyway, she'll be missed.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Poor Sally.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. Let me tell you, if she's not out, the chick next to her in this picture just outed her by standing.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's her partner was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, then she.

[Allison Rosen]

That's Dr. Tam O'. Shaughnessy.

[Adam Carolla]

She is out, baby.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't that sound like a pub?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Tam o', Shaughnessy, sorta.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And I wonder, is it short for Tammy?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Or Tamathy?

[Adam Carolla]

The song started as a joke when Della Reese wanted a new Ford Mustang. Oh, I guess. All right. There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

Della Reese from Touched by an Angel?

[Adam Carolla]

I guess so. Mm. She should be touched by some just for men. Get rid of that skunk tail of hers. All right, where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, also, Sherman Helmsley died from the Jeffersons.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's.

[Allison Rosen]

And celebrity hab. I mean, not celebrity. Surreal Life.

[Adam Carolla]

That song was about

[Patrick Muldoon]

for sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

What was it? Was it Jefferson song?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Moving on up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. To the east side. Yeah, that's. That's pussy. Yeah. Deluxe apartment. That's your cock. That's cock.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Finally got a piece of the pie.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello. It's all there. It's all there. Yeah, I liked him.

[Allison Rosen]

He was 74. He died in El Paso.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it was weird. Tell me if this makes me an ass wipe, but I was listening to the news. I go, he was only 74. And I thought, that's not that bad. Like, you can't put the. Only in front of 70, whatever, right? You can do it in the. In the 60s, under 60 or 60 something, but only 74 ain't. You know, that's two or three years off, whatever the average age is, or dudes kick off. I feel like he got a lot. A lot of living out of those years. And I loved that show when I was a kid, wheezing. Speaking of super uptight white guys, they had the most uptightest of all the White guys who was upstairs, and he'd come down and like, postal weight.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that who it is?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but he looked just like him. And he'd come down and he'd say, hey, George. What? It ain't my sister. And then everyone would laugh because he's a white guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And now George Lopez is doing that humor.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Achacanos in the house. Come on. Everyone grab their wallets. Let's go to this side of the room. That's why they.

[Allison Rosen]

Christian Bale visited the victims in Aurora, Colorado today. He visited the hospital where they are, and there's a photo of him next to a hot guy who's been shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Oh, yeah. He's got a lot of tattoos. Yeah, Yoked is does. Now, here's the thing. I don't want to be cynical. Too late, but I thought that my first impulse was, oh, that's nice. And then my second impulse was, did someone tell him to do that?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, my first impulse was not please. And I thought, yeah, I guess it's kind of nice. My first impulse was, why him? And then I realized, well, the movie, obviously, but still, like, what?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, he's a big enough star that no one have to. No one would make him go there.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not make him, but, I mean, just tell me.

[Allison Rosen]

There's no way. It's not good press, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, my take is whether somebody told him to do it or suggested he do it or he thought of it himself, either way, he's there. Now. My deal would be, listen, the movie was over two hours. The shooting started about 20 minutes in. So you gotta act out, like, the last two hours of this movie, buddy.

[Caller/Listener]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Or I want my 850. Yeah, that's prorated.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just broad strokes. And, you know, you don't have to do every character. Do your stuff. And then do, you know, like, the

[Show Producer/Assistant]

five lead characters, his one man recreation of his fight with Bane is gonna be tough.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be good. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so that's nice.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so a man whose car, his Austin Healey was stolen from him, found it on eBay 42 years later.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a nice Austin Healey. Yeah. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

He saw it on ebay. It was a 1967 Austin Healey 3000. And he wrote to the guy and explained that he thinks that's his car. And the guy said, well, it can't be, because that's. That this car has been in our family since 1970. And he said, well, my car was stolen in 1970.

[Patrick Muldoon]

That guy looks just as pissed as the day it was stolen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

A little bit of, like, get over it. Well, I've never had a car stolen.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Well, you gotta cut bait, man. You gotta, like, release things.

[Adam Carolla]

Couple things. First off, I have my assistant Matt do this to every single car that's on sale on ebay all day, every day, just on the off chance that one person fucking give me their car. You know what I mean?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

One day you're gonna get that response.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, Would come, yeah, that's my car. I feel like. I think if you hit everyone on ebay, you'd get two. You'd be like two cars a week, I think. Yeah, number one.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Number two.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I don't understand about almost every movie and every television show when the guy has a car and then somebody steals the car and the guy's running down the street screaming, that's my car. And they're screaming his ass off. Or the piano falls out of the window and crushes the car and the guy's going nuts. If you have a new car and your car gets totaled or stolen or something, the insurance will just replace it. And half the time, like Matt the Porcelain Punisher Finaleer, some guy took out his nine grand worth of Honda and the insurance gave him like 14 grand for it, and he was stoked and went and bought a new Honda. Like that part where someone steals a car and you're running down the street after it. Scream. My wife leases an Audi. Well, I lease it and she drives it. But if someone ever stole it, I wouldn't run down the street screaming. I'd just go call the insurance place. The Audi's car?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you know Austin Healey's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't. Is that like the kind of car where if it got stolen from you, you would miss it for the rest of your life and not be able to replace it?

[Adam Carolla]

Those Austin Healey 3000s are nice cars. They got, like a straight six in them, and they're kind of. They're not great, but they're not bad. And a lot of people like them. And they're probably really nicely done ones are up to, I don't know, 70, between 70 and 100 grand today. And they've went up a lot over the last, like, five years. But they were perpetually, you know, five, six years ago. They're like a 35 or $40,000 car. And when he got it stolen from him in 1968 or whatever, when he

[Allison Rosen]

found it on ebay, the dealer offered to sell it to him for 24,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So, I mean, really nice examples, like nuts and bolt, nut and bolt restoration kind of thing are 80 grand. When this thing was stolen from him, it was worth $3,200. Like, Max. Like, listen, you shouldn't be happy about it, but also, you know, these guys who go, I've owned this notchback Mustang since I was in high school. She's my baby. Get the fuck over it. Like, I like cars, but not that much. Like, it's the fucking Notchback Mustang and they've sold 400 million of these things. And, like, it's nice to have a little relationship with your car, but start with your kids, work your way over to your wife, and then maybe your dog, and then somewhere your car. And if it gets stolen, you're stoked. Go get another car.

[Patrick Muldoon]

In the TV shows, you should be screaming, yes. Like, if they're driving down the street, if a piano comes out and crushes the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Most people I know who, if they got their car totaled tomorrow, they would probably be in better shape than they are now in terms of. They get more from the insurance company than they could sell the car for on ebay. The blue book and the insurance is always, you know, 15, 20% higher. It's the same thing that happened. Like I said, I don't know what the numbers were. The people you should feel sorry for, ironically, like in one of those movies where the guy announces that this cherry 66 split window, or 63 split window vet, is his baby. We know it's going to be totaled, but that car's fully insured. The guys you got to feel sorry for are the guys who drive a piece of shit because their piece of shit ain't insured. When that gets stolen, it may be 1500 bucks, but it's the only 1500 bucks they got. All right, so he's back reunited with his Austin Healey, and he looks pissed. And by the way, how'd you like to be married to this guy? Sulking. First convertible Austin Healey for the last 40 years, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I thought it would get better when we. Every single thing they ever did, right? Dennis Rodman met with his estranged father.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like this is the longest I've ever gone in my adult life without hearing about Dennis Rodman. You just popped my Dennis Rodman cherry. Like, if I have this thing up my room, like, you know, they have, you know, days since the last accident up at factories. I have the. Since I've last heard Dennis Rodman news,

[Allison Rosen]

what were we up to?

[Adam Carolla]

I Have to reset it. Oh, it's been like 821 days. 31 hour. 21 hours and 40 minutes.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You do it by the hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it just ticks down. Yeah. I don't ever have a choice. That's the way the clock. That's the way the Rodman countdown clock goes. But I think, like, since 1991, this has been the longest run of non Rodman news. There was playoff news, there was Bulls. There was Detroit News, there was Bulls news, there was Lakers. Carmen. Electric Carmen. And there was him getting married, and then there was him getting drunk. And then neighbors in Huntington beach calling the cops and, you know, him crying. And then, I don't know, Apprentice and a rehab. And, like, this is the longest. Isn't the longest. Rodman.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I think about him every day.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you think about him every. I mean, yeah, I have the countdown.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course.

[Allison Rosen]

You're obsessed.

[Caller/Listener]

Arguably.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you do? First off, a countdown clock does not make. I hardly think that makes a man. Why do these mics sound so bad, Dawson? And why did it start after we played the. After we played the Dennis? I'm not sure. It may have something to do with the headphone amp coming in there. What I hear is crystal clear and fine. No change. That's so weird that it changed after the. Dennis Prager. Dennis Rodman, same dude. You know, I mean, if you see him, you can't tell him apart.

[Allison Rosen]

It must be hard for him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You think about him every day, as we all do. And I'm not obsessed, but I've not heard about him in the news for, like, a good couple of years. Like a feel like.

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of sad then that you're gonna have to reset your clock.

[Adam Carolla]

It does it automatically.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it knows.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, it's on a satellite. Let's hook up to a satellite.

[Allison Rosen]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So what about him?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he met with his estranged father, who left when he was five. And get this, the guy has 29 kids with 16 women.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, okay. But here. Here's the best part. Oh, his name is. Sorry, now I just heard a weird audio thing. His name is Philander. That's his first name.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Come on.

[Allison Rosen]

Philander.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Now, 29 kids with 16 wives. Can we start judging, please? Because if we don't judge, then it's racist. Now, I know you guys think I'm racist to judge, but not judging is racist.

[Allison Rosen]

Where's the judging start?

[Adam Carolla]

The judging starts. Starts with you having kids that you cannot take care of which is a huge. Which should be considered one of the worst things you can do in this society. We have a lot of things like not recycling or smoking or things like that that are way ahead of not being able to take care of kids that you've sired. I don't know why. I'm not sure when this happened. But the part where we do not shame people sufficiently for not taking care of their own kids is insane to me. And the notion that we're pissed off at the government for not doing a better job of taking care of the kids because these guys won't fucking drop a load on the tits is absolutely insane. These guys should be pariahs. And not only pariahs. What do you think some of these dudes cost us? And it ain't. You know, it ain't six digits, it's seven digits.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, he is gainfully employed. He's the owner of Rodman's Rainbow Obama Burger restaurant in Los Angeles.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not familiar with this outpost, this franchise.

[Patrick Muldoon]

It's like, in an out burger.

[Adam Carolla]

He's probably one of those guys who makes that. It was Obama Burger way back before, like, way, way. There's nothing to do with this president. I want to know if he's taking. Well, obviously he doesn't know who his kids are because he just met one of them. Right? What about the other fucking 29 of these things? And it's just. It's so fucking pathetic. It's just so fucking sad. It's just. Look, the black community.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

He does the thing that you do on ebay where you call and, you know, I would. He just, like, starts mailing NBA players.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, son, I.

[Allison Rosen]

You have a hat made up. Yes, Dennis Robbins.

[Adam Carolla]

The black community will never be healed unless they focus on this particular issue. And by the way, there's no community that would ever. There's no community that could either heal from this or not be undone by this almost immediately. If this was the mo. And unfortunately, the lion's share of the community. I mean, literally, like, 70% of black kids coming into unwed. Whatever. It's alarming. It's a fucking mess. And it is the worst thing you can do for community. You can talk about programs, you can talk about education. You can talk about reaching out and education and nutrition, whatever you want. But until somebody speaks out about this particular problem in this particular community, there's no heat that can be done. All right. You trying to fix headphones there, Mike? Just trying to figure out what's going on. Does it Sound weird?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

They don't hear it in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds okay to me. All right. It's in and out. All right. Anyway, so he met his son. That's all.

[Allison Rosen]

So guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, he is. It. Can't judge. Impossible to judge.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have any kids?

[Patrick Muldoon]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you want to have 29 of them with 16 different women?

[Patrick Muldoon]

Maybe I should eat. What was that hamburger?

[Allison Rosen]

Rodman's Rainbow Obama Burger.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Maybe there's something gives you a little potency.

[Caller/Listener]

I don't know.

[Patrick Muldoon]

I'm starting to get a little worried.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny because, like, again, it is that thing, and it's sort of a racist thought where you just go, oh, those guys. But think about it as it pertained to you, like burger shop owners and whatever color you are. I have kids. Like, the notion of, like, that's my son, but he lives in Florida, and I haven't seen him in some six years. But we talk on the phone like, it's fucking insane.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't understand how anyone can be that careless with anything. It's not even human lives, just like your own. How could your own life be that disorganized?

[Adam Carolla]

First off, it's a form of narcissism that trumps any other form of narcissism, which is, I have a whole bunch of kids and I don't even know where they are. You want to talk about looking out for number one? That's the fucking ultimate looking out for one.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't understand people who repeatedly accidentally get pregnant when there's many ways to not get pregnant.

[Adam Carolla]

And can we start just fucking tagging these people like goddamn caribou so they don't destroy our fucking society? And can we start judging, please? People start fucking judging. You know who judges? Go to my PC. I talk to these people about judging. I said, well, they invented go to my PC so they could judge from a Starbucks. They said, like my. Well, I'd say, let's do some judging. And they'd say, well, I do that on my business computer. And I'd say, well, how do you access it? And I remember that was the genesis. I hate the computer.

[Allison Rosen]

When I need to judge, go to

[Adam Carolla]

my PC, brought to you by Citrix. Turns your laptop, your iPad, your iPhone into a mobile judging unit. That's right, or you're off.

[Allison Rosen]

This is how they're selling it.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Virtual gavel.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what they told me? To put my own flavor on it. That's what I'm doing right now.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, you are.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Hey, you can talk to the guys over There at. Go to my PC. A little less flavor next time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So I'm putting my paprika all over this shit. Connect directly to your office, Mac or PC, your home, wherever, doesn't matter. You can work any program, file or document and you can try it for free. Free. 29 days free in order of the 29 illegitimate children that. No, 45 days free. 45 days a free trial only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit. Go to my PC com and click on the Try it free button. Remember, use the promo code Adam. Get it for free for 45 days. All right, let's keep going a little more. One more news story. What do you got, baby?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, well, at least three men across this United States have. I did not mean to say this United States. I meant to say the United States have been arrested in separate dark night related incidents because the world is fucking insane right now, right? So moviegoers in Sierra visa, although I think it's probably Vista, Arizona, panicked when a man in the theater appeared intoxicated. And there was like a mass hysteria and 50 people, people fled. And then he was arrested on disorderly conduct.

[Adam Carolla]

I want, by the way, like, you know the guys who, two days after 9, 11, get busted for trying to bring a hunting knife through the metal detector. Like, those are the guys I want put in a certain stupid prison. Like, you know, we used to have debtors prison, but we don't have that anymore. And now we have the short prison, maximum security prison. This is just. Oh my God, I can't believe how fucking dumb you are. Prison. Like really, it's just amazing that there's no exit. Yeah. Fucking two, really? Two days after 9 11, and you bring your fucking hunting knife through the fucking security with you. And it's like there's no real law that says you need to be locked up for, but you need to do 15 months in stupid prison and you can hang out with other stupid people and possibly. Oh, you know what? No, it's gonna be made filled with mirrors. Oh, you just look.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, you can get early release for time start good behavior and stuff like that. Can you get early release if you like crossword puzzles?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Like, if you like try to better yourself with crossword puzzles, you could do

[Adam Carolla]

like a Rubik's cube in under a month.

[Allison Rosen]

How about just multiplication? I feel like you're setting the bar too high. Okay, multiplication and gluing things.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody, everybody is. Everyone's gonna have to work. Wear a dunce cap and a tap out shirt. That's how we're gonna judge?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I already have the Tap out shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right. Well, that's what I'm trying. I'm saying I'm saving money.

[Allison Rosen]

So they have to wear Axe spray.

[Adam Carolla]

Down with Axe. It'll be a delousing axe that we use. Yeah. And that's a spray axe.

[Allison Rosen]

It'd be like a perp odor.

[Adam Carolla]

Duncer's Prison. What is. Yeah, no Fear. Yeah, you can wear. No, I'll accept a no Fear shirt.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Ed Hardy, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Ed Hardy. I'll accept no Fear in Ed Hardy for guys over 40 in my duncer's Prison.

[Allison Rosen]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, a Maine man was arrested from the state of Maine. Not like he.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not like. Not David Allen. Not David Allen.

[Allison Rosen]

No, not Dag. But a man from Maine was arrested when he told authorities that he was on his way to shoot a former employer a day after watching the Dark Knight Rises. And he was pulled over. And the police searched his car and found an AK47 four handgun, ammunition, and news clippings about the mass shooting that left 12 dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we were talking about this on stage.

[Allison Rosen]

And you wouldn't know, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

You wouldn't know. We were making our own kind of sweet, sweet magic on stage.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, we were.

[Adam Carolla]

Friday. It's gonna air Friday. It was a fun show we did from the Lovett Theater without Brian. And I was saying about this, the scariest part of the whole story, the massacre story. And I always like to call it a massacre and not a tragedy because I like that idea of massacre. Means I'm pinning it on a human being rather than a wind blowing through town. But the copycat part, and everyone being worried about the copycat part is the part that scares me, because not that I'm scared of the copycatting, but just how dumb is our society? That someone would sit home.

[Allison Rosen]

It was a whole prison for dumb people.

[Adam Carolla]

Dunster's prison. That someone would sit home and just go, hey, you know what? I was going to go out and shit the dog this weekend and have a few cold ones. But you know what?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

This is a great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This. This whole thing at the movie theater.

[Patrick Muldoon]

I'd bring my squirt gun to see Batman.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think that means. Yeah, I don't. I don't think they're going to do it. I just think the fact that we think they're gonna do it makes us weird. And I think it's just one of those news things. I think they love it.

[Allison Rosen]

Like the fact that this whole story that he Told authorities he was gonna shoot an employer a day after watching the Dark Knight Rises. Does that mean this happened a day after or he said, I'm going to shoot them a day after. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And then also that they found news clippings in the car. Well, just news clippings of this or is it coincidence or.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that once. First off, because of the news, we've all become like crazy women who are into astrology. Because when you meet.

[Allison Rosen]

Who are you calling A Scorpio.

[Adam Carolla]

When you meet your mom's crazy friend who's into astrology and she's into crystals. June. And all that kinds of. Or is that Scorpio? Yeah, June. And she's into it. She can fucking connect anything with your astrological sign to whatever. She'll just start and then she'll say, isn't that eerie? I don't even know what you said. So if you're of the mindset of making the connection, then you can make the connection. Now. That's supposed to be for crazy broad friends, your mom, not for the news to make you understand this crazy.

[Patrick Muldoon]

All the news that's happened in the past week. Week since then has happened after Batman. The Batman massacre.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Which is. It's all. It's Batman's fault, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

The movie.

[Adam Carolla]

If you take. If you look at it that way. And it's. It's all so they can figure out a way. I mean, if it is. It is. Astrology is sort of like, you know, when you look up and you go, oh, those. There's Orion's belt, you know, and you're like, that's like four stars up there. Yes. But you can see it forms a belt. That's like. If you asked a hundred people what that was, they wouldn't say belt.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, and they do that with that. Zeus's sword and stuff like that.

[Allison Rosen]

And a bear.

[Adam Carolla]

A bear. And by the way, hold on. You drawing then lines in between the stars to form a bear. That's cheating.

[Allison Rosen]

And. But by the way, it never looks like a bear. It looks like a geometric shape with stars in it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my point. There's a cluster of.

[Allison Rosen]

There's something.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something. Well, obviously got the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper. I get those. By the way. It's a good thing these things were named many years ago because it'd be the Big Jizz cup and the Little Jizz Cup. Like they did it today. There'd be something horrible in the iPad and the ipod. That's right. But it wouldn't be Dipper. I don't know what. No one knows what a fucking Dipper is. All right, where the hell were we?

[Allison Rosen]

And then there's one more related incident.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

In Southern California, a man at a Sunday showing of the film was arrested after witnesses said he made threats and alluded to the Colorado shooting. When the movie didn't start, evidently there was like a hiccup and the movie didn't start. And he said, I should go off. Like, in Colorado, does anybody have a handgun? And then a security guard saw him with a backpack on his knees in the second row. But the deputies searched the bag and they didn't find anything possible. Sounds like he was making a joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Possible candidate for Dunster's prison, but I don't think so. That's him making a joke and everyone freaking out. And this whole thing. There's a way. See, there's no more context anymore because everything is in print. So every comedian who makes a joke and you read the joke. I mean, holy. Good God. We were talking at the beginning of the show about George Carlin or Richard Pryor. Could you imagine reading a transcript of a Richard Pryor? You know, like, then he said, hey, bitch. Hey, nigger bitch. Fuck you. I'll fucking light you fucking on fire. Or something. Like, you'd be reading that thing going, going, oh, my God, this guy's a monster. Right, right, right. N bombs all over the place. And. And it's like. But if you're reading a transcript of it, it'd be.

[Allison Rosen]

It would be the white man voice.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be horrifying. So if you actually.

[Patrick Muldoon]

In the theater, it may have been really funny.

[Adam Carolla]

It could have been. I may. I probably would have. I would have stifled myself.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But you know, people. I mean, like, people would say, this is good. People waited. People waited a little. But they would say, this guy's gonna go postal on your ass. And postal referred to a bunch or a couple of incidents where somebody walked into a post office and slaughtered co workers. They didn't. A postal worker. Yeah, yeah. Co workers. I'm sorry, Post office and co workers. Did I say that?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

But anyway, the point is. Yeah, if they weren't. They had super low self esteem. If they're just like, where? But, yeah, I just like it in the post office. I feel like I can get more work done. That's right.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I'm shooting up your post office.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm CEO of Nabisco, but I prefer it here. Now, let me finish sorting these Letters.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe he enjoys being among the stamps. Favorite times and the scales.

[Adam Carolla]

If you've been around when kids have been asking Santa for stuff, it's awesome

[Allison Rosen]

when they send the letters to the North Pole. That's magical time.

[Adam Carolla]

So we did a thing called Going Postal, and everyone was fine with going postal. Although I wonder how the families of the people that were killed at the post office feel about this going postal on somebody. But it was born out of people dying at a workplace, being sort of massacred at a workplace. Right. And we just kind of made a joke out of it and moved on. And by the way, something about the post office, because it wasn't that long. I mean, you can't say going Columbine on someone's ass now. I mean, it's.

[Allison Rosen]

In time, you will be able to make those Blythe references.

[Adam Carolla]

You will.

[Allison Rosen]

People make Kent State jokes.

[Adam Carolla]

No, in time. But Going Postal was made six months after they were still cleaning up the blood. And people are doing the going postal thing. Someone's got to talk about that with post people. Yeah. All right. Anyway. Could have been funny. I'll review the tape and we'll decide whether he's going to Duncer's prison or not.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Dip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Alison Rosenberg. Well, if you're single. So, Patrick, you claim to be single. Yeah. All right.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

And how about your name with the greatest guy in the next room? The greatest porn gay porn name ever? Guy Nerdini. Nerduli. Yeah. Yeah. Guy. Guy Nard. He's got the word nard in there. The word guy and Penn State. And really enjoyed it. Dooley in there. Yeah. Oh, he's really like, you've been working. You'll be working with Guy Narduli.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

He's a legend.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking legend. Yeah. Oh, boy.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You know what? Nice find that so rarely in this business.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. Guy invented the inverted cowboy. Oh, shit, that's him.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

He doesn't get enough credit for that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you can't copyright a sexual position. But that's him.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Imagine if he could.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Dooley.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy Narduli.

[Allison Rosen]

Doggy would be so pissed.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd have put Patrick andguy on Zeusk dot com. See, I roll into that zoo as, like I said, the place to take my kids when the animals are sleeping. Skzoosk.com youm just go there, Adam. If you're single, you browse. And by the way, you look at kajillions of single people all over the world, 25 different languages, you can access them through their website. The Facebook app, your mobile device downloadable desktop application. Look, you're single. Yeah, sounds hot. That's what I'd be doing. Zoosk use Facebook direct to create a dating profile with likes and interests and your Facebook page. Get it all there. People who sign up through Zeus.com Adam will get some free coins and that allows you to send virtual gifts to increase your profile and popularity. Zoosk.com that is Z O O SK single folk. All righty. Where the hell was we? Where the time was.

[Allison Rosen]

Ursa Major and Ursa Minor are the bear constellations.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. I thought it was that Bond chick. Patrick Muldoon. Good to see you, buddy.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Thanks for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Come back anytime you like. Days of our Lives weekdays on NBC. And also his band and his website, the sleeping mat. Masses.com and you can Twitter him @muldoonpatrick.m u l D O O N Patrick. So until next time, this Adam Carolla for Patrick Muldoon, Allison Rosen and Paul Bryan Sand. Mahalo. I'm scared of black people. What is this? Machicano? We should roll up the wind. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Allison Rosen]

This is the mindset.

[Adam Carolla]

Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the with movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now pay. Never. All right, this is Adam Crow Show

[Show Producer/Assistant]

877 featuring Patrick Muldoon, Paul Bryan, Allison Rosen. It's from 2012.

[Adam Carolla]

After that episode, it seems like the next best thing would be to play the very next episode. Adam Kroll Show 878.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Legendary comedian Dom Herrera, Allison Rose, and Brian Bishop in case they had any other kind words say about Patrick or

[Adam Carolla]

reactions to his episode. Love the going to be fun. O Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to O'Reilly. And they got all the stuff there. Mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer, but my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts parts from O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also they'll test your battery for free and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right? Dawson stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. We're coming at you with everything we got.

[Allison Rosen]

This is the mindset.

[Adam Carolla]

Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the reminds him with movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator, and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now pay Never. Good day, Allison Rose.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Crolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. Ball, Bryan. Dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dun. At Corolla, that's what they'd say it was. Then that's when two of them, two fat. Well, actually one fat chick. But I counters too. That's when I knew I was destined for greatness.

[Allison Rosen]

When people butchered a song and your

[Adam Carolla]

name, I really was flattered that they took the time to do it.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

That was high school. So in the ensuing years when there was no greatness, I'd do it myself.

[Adam Carolla]

You hear the beer crack Saturday night about 1am

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Long shot outside the apartment with one solitary light on.

[Adam Carolla]

Hear the draw ad Carl? God damn it. I get beat off again. All right, many thoughts. Dom Herrera coming in, excited to see him. He'll be in here. And a couple of you few things. A lot of people got back to me on my spider thing and actually halftired Gary over there, I sent him a tweet that I highlighted that somebody talked to me about. And it's like top 10 things. They, you know, control the spiders, by the way, you know, training a bobcat like, stuff like that. Unnecessary. You know the part where I look, I'll go down to the store and get some spray, but I'm not gonna go down to the shelter and you know, like, I know like marmosets love the taste of, you know, but I'm not letting a gecko lizard. I'm not getting a bigger pest into my, into my house.

[Allison Rosen]

It's supposed to be relatively simple.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's gotta involve something that's in the cupboard. Something that's at the liquor store. Something I can get. You know what I mean? Not adopt, spay, or neuter, you know, but number six, in rooms with high ceilings or exposed roofing. I don't know why you'd say roofing. Exposed roofing, such as cellars, garages, and things like that, spiders can run rampant. It's true. They get up there, you can't get to them. And all that kind of stuff says painting a thick line of metallic gloss paint can be effective. Yes. A stripe.

[Caller/Listener]

Thank you. Now I can sleep tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Much. Much like what they do with the squirrels and the telephone poles when they put that sheet metal band. So you see that sheet metal band that goes around it so the squirrels can't climb up it and get. Obviously no gription on that one. Sheet metal band. There it is again. So, yeah, I'm gonna have to get. Gonna have to get some metallic paint.

[Allison Rosen]

Do frogs have natural gription on their little hands?

[Adam Carolla]

I think frogs have natural gription. They have gription cups. Yeah. And then I'll die of mercury poisoning, by the way, once I'm done painting this halo of mercury around me.

[Allison Rosen]

But no spiders.

[Adam Carolla]

But no spiders. All right. So interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Some kinds of paint are too slippery for spiders to walk over and will prevent them from passing in a complete circle.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was one of these things for me where once I noticed there was no difference from the bathroom than there was from the closet. Like four spiders. Nothing more in it. For it wasn't even a closet. Sort of a little entry room. There's nothing different in this one space to the other. The one space you can make an argument because it had a water source there, which they will get to every once in a while. And it was painted semi gloss, but never spider up on the ceiling and always a spider in the room six inches away, just separated by one doorway. Then eventually start to figure it out.

[Allison Rosen]

There's got to be a way to strategically paint your ceiling so that you lead them all to. Towards some little square of sticky paper or a cup or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what it is, but let's be creative. Oh, you're thinking I create a Ho Chi Minh trail. A baton death march.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Trail of tears.

[Adam Carolla]

A trail of tears. A baton death march for spiders. Yeah. I start out. I start out wide with the flat, and I just start working it in and working it in, and it funnels and funnels and funnels. And then there's just a fat cat that's velcroed to the Ceiling waiting at the end.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Like tough mudder for spiders.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'd have to Velcro some water up there. Wait a minute. I'll work that one out too. Don't worry, I'll work it out. Just big fat cat Velcro to the ceiling. And then every time someone came by and went, what? Don't worry about it. I just give him that one.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. I said, don't worry.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, don't worry about it. Yeah. All right. Also, just heard back from my publisher in New York City, and we've crossed into 50 units of my book sold. So thank you very much, peoples. Yes. And now it's pretty much word of mouth from this point on, because I'm done. I mean, I ain't going out and making the rounds. Yeah. Except for this audio clip I'm going to play.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I'm halfway through it myself, other than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

It's taking a lot of craps.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Bathroom reading.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got pictures, which I always just felt like as a sort of intellectual lightweight, only I appreciated. But I love seeing people's pictures. If they say high school graduation pictures or prom pictures of the stars, like before they go to break on entertainment night, I'll hang out all night until it comes back.

[Allison Rosen]

It's crazy how fascinating that stuff is.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You're not the only one who loves the pictures. Truth be told, I actually broke it open on the plane ride to Nashville I was on last weekend, and the old woman sitting next to me was fascinated. She was reading over my shoulder.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Did you invited her into the bathroom?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I don't think she was reading. Yes, I did. I don't think she was reading the text, but she was definitely interested in the pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

What the hell is going on?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hard to tell. I didn't know myself. I got a little audio clip, actually. Ray was in here today and we were doing a little ace on the house and good one, because we brought Ray and Chris in here, the two oldest of the buddies. I think this one involves two.

[Allison Rosen]

There was a Diet Coke can in the studio earlier and I said, who was here? And Bob Bryan said, I think it was Dr. Drew. So I pretended that I was licking the can, knowing it was raised. Thank God I didn't really lick it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. Yeah. All right. Gary gave me the two fingers, which I don't know if it means two minutes or line two or what exactly he means with the emphatic two. Or maybe he's just saying peace or maybe he's telling me to fuck off in English.

[Allison Rosen]

Or he's saying Roman numeral V. Oh,

[Adam Carolla]

two shows with Chris. That's right. All right. Okay. All right, buddy. Two shows with Chris. That's right. Ray and I did a show and we brought Chris in for both of them. And I forgot, there's a couple of stories I forgot I haven't told in a million years. One was we used to throw a lot of food around the school and throw it pretty hard.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

That must have been tough on you.

[Adam Carolla]

I had. Well, no, it was just, you know, apple cores and shit like that and not good food. I. I had this thing where we were in a very crowded hallway. Like it was one of those bell rings, everyone spills out in the hall. Big public school, my school had like 3,500 kids in it. It was a Kennedy hall, high ceiling, built in the 30s. Everyone poured out, and I was a little bit taller than most of the folks. And I was looking down the hall and I saw a friend, like a girlfriend of mine who was down the row, lockers 50ft away, and she was just sort of talking to somebody, and she had her locker open, and it was just that big sheet metal door that was open. And I was playing baseball, and I was like, I got a good arm and I'm gonna chuck this thing over everyone's head and I'm gonna bang it on that locker and then wave my hand and laugh when she's. When she's scared shitless.

[Allison Rosen]

Super cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's the way you're gonna. It's the way I got laid. Oh, wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no. So I throw this apple, this sort of half eaten apple just over everyone's head, down the hole.

[Dom Irrera]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And as I'm. And of course, she's not looking, and as I throw it, and I'm pretty good. Pretty good aim. It's going right at her locker, except for she swings around and shuts the door right as the apple hits. So right as this apple hits the inside of the door, she slams the locker shut and walks away. She doesn't hear anything. She just hears the locker slam shut. It was like one of those timing things, like, ding. Like, same time. And so she walked away. And I was standing there just stunned. And I realized she's gonna open her locker. She doesn't share with anybody, and then she'll find a half eaten apple inside of her locker. And she will freak out because she'll be like, how the fuck did this get in here? When no one else has the combination. And I didn't eat this apple.

[Allison Rosen]

As opposed to what would have been super cool, which is if she saw you throwing an apple core at her locker door.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I know. That would have been super ultra maxi cool. All right, we have a little clip audiobook. Ray and Chris, I think somewhere in here, reasons Freud would have a field day with but remain unclear to me. Ray and a lot of the other guys I grew up with really enjoyed poop and pee. There are dogs who've urinated on less upholstery and apes who have flung less shit than Ray. Our high school was built in the 30s and the locker room had separate lockers in the rear, known as the cage. It was made of an old prison type grate that went from the floor to the ceiling, 25ft high. And it had a door, but of course the door was broken. So the only way to get out once someone slammed the door was to go to the equipment room and borrow a pair of needle nose pliers. This was bad news if you were the poor schmuck that Ray or Chris trapped in there. The locker rows were double sided and about 7ft tall, and there was only about 5ft of space between each row. So once Ray and Chris trapped their victim in the cage, Chris would get on top of the lockers and rain golden terror from above. The victim had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. By the way, you know that saying, you can run but you can't hide? I feel like I could hide. I think it should be, you can run and then you can hide and then I'll find you, but you can't hide. They find guys hiding all the time. They're under beds. Every drug dealer, when they bus in their house, they're always like in the underpinning, they're in the upstairs closet, they're under the bed. You could definitely run and hide. I would say you can't run. That would be. That would be more persuasive to me. But you can hide. Of course, I could run out of this recording studio right now and hide some. Eventually my publisher would find me and drag me back into it to finish the rest of this fucking book. But I could hide. Could definitely hide. Go for under. You know what? I'm not gonna tell you where I'm gonna hide. You gotta find me. I'll put this on you. I can run and I can hide, but you can't run and you can't find me. Yeah. How's it feel now, bitch? Where was I? I Like the tangent. Like the. By the way, I do like the. I could buy and sell you like no shit. You can sell anything you own. Would you say that about a used truck? I could buy that Chevy S10 and then sell it. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of the idea.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of the thing. Once you own it, you're perfectly free. I don't want to live in a society where you can't sell stuff you own. I'd like to sell this 10 speed. Not so fast, buckaroo.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You just bought that. That was a waiting period. I just read that chapter. I don't remember the tangent there at the end. That must be bonus material.

[Adam Carolla]

That is audio bonus, yes. Oh no, there's tangents in the book. Those are thought out and then there's shit that just reminded me of stuff in the middle of the thing. And sadly. But that's why you must get the audiobook and the book. Book and from now on people, it is word o mouth in terms of the last book probably going to. That's over 150,000 units. I just say units because audiobook and ebooks and all that kind of stuff. But you sell your first 30, 40, maybe 50,000, if you're lucky, in the first five, six, seven weeks, whatever it is, and then the next 100,000 you get a bump from the paperback. But it's not that big a bump. It's just the slow trickle. It's just the, oh, I read it, I thought it was funny. I got it from my father in law. That's about it. Or it's not. That's the way the books work. Or it gets shut off. Movies, big weekend or not. If they don't have a big weekend, you take something like Adam Sandler's last movie. You saw 5,000 commercials for it. The Thursday, Friday leading up to it, the following Monday, nothing. It's like dead didn't exist. They saw what it did the first weekend and they went, nothing. We're not putting another penny into this. If it had done well, you'd see more commercials the following week. Books. It's really one of the last places where it's just sort of up to the person to get it and hand it to the person behind them on the plane. Yeah, I love those stories where a person gets excited that their library finally got it in. Now they go, they tell me with glee, by the way, I bought your book and then I lent it to my dad and then he lent it to his co workers and then they photocopied it and they sent it around and it's like thanks buddy, really appreciate it. This is such an awesome moral victory for me and my hungry family. You dick. Do you remember the. I think it was Washington D.C. the guy who had one book that was going around his entire naval ship. I think he was on a cruiser and there was one copy of him. 50 years of objects floating around the entire ship. 3,000 souls. Yeah. You know, it's a floating super cheap city. That's what they always say. Fucking cheap floating goddamn city. Seeing Davy Jones locker. Alright, speaking. Oh cheap. We have who the F sells this S? And I don't know why we can say fucking shit now, but for some reason it started as who the F sells this S? And I like it. That's where it shall remain. These are people that. I laugh, but I want to cry. And also it's definitely something my mom would have been, you know, if my mom. If a computer existed. No, if computers existed and they were free and therefore my mom would have one back in the day, if the government handed out home computers back in the day, she definitely would be doing her shopping online this way she would

[Show Producer/Assistant]

have been all about Craigslist.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And there's some good ones we can't get ahold of and some we can we. Like this one halftart's got the. Got this one. Four small furniture wheels, half inch, $4. By the way, you sent them an email, did you Gary? Yes, we have a very standard email that just basically says who I am, I work for you. And that we do a segment where we occasionally will call and do a brief two to three minute interview with somebody and it's good exposure for their ad and if they'd be interested to email or call me back. And the response that I got from this person was I read as I reported you to Craigslist, sent them a copy of your email and how was I contacted? Through my four dollar wheel posting parentheses. By the way, I did not mark it as okay to be contacted and hopefully you will not be allowed to break their rules by contacting about your scam. I hope they cut you out of making in kinds of posts or responding to any ad. Come on, four dollar furniture wheels. What a scam. Do not contact me again. Well, now I'm confused. Are you sure we don't want to contact them? Yeah, but I'm also kind of confused. That's your scam. That's their scam. They're the ones who put it up on the craigslist, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I guess I'm trying to scam them somehow.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess they think I'm trying to scam them. Because who out of the four. Out of their. Well, they're $4 the dollar piece for these casters, as they call them. Also, there's a teakettle, a rainbow tea kettle, $5. And then underneath it. I like this one. This caveat. Price is firm. Don't contact unless you're serious.

[Allison Rosen]

I love people that are already upset.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I will not respond to incomplete emails. Wow. Yeah. First off, I've been burned too many

[Show Producer/Assistant]

times by people dipping their toe into my rainbow kettle.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're in the market for used tea cattle, how serious a human being can you be as an adult who's in this? Because first off, couple of things. I've said it many times in this day and age of Target and Walmart and China.

[Allison Rosen]

99 cent store.

[Adam Carolla]

99 cent store. And just about anything short of a car new for under 10 bucks. What is. Why would you go through this particular exercise to find something that human spittle. I think that's what it is. Like, you want to see their crappy rings. The one I always like is the butcher block knife holder. Minus the knives. That's the one I like. And by the way, you're going to get one of those right in the back when you walk through that guy's fucking apartment. All right, so we have tablespoons. We have five tablespoons and three forks for $2. Do we have an intro, Bald Brian? Let's hear it. When you're not trolling for prostitutes on Craigslist, you'll notice some crazy stuff for sale. Knife block, perfect condition, but no knife. $1, cash only. So it's time to answer the question. Who the fuck sells this shit? Yeah, you guys, don't take the players club at all. Nothing. Hey, Stephanie with the crazy spelling of Stephanie.

[Caller/Listener]

Yes, this is she.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what's going on? You're selling the five tablespoons and the three forks for $2.

[Caller/Listener]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going wrong, sweetie? Something has gone wrong.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, the spoons are really too big. And like, I don't really have a big mouth. And the forks are three pronged, and I don't like three pronged forks.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

That's a reasonable explanation, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I have shoes that don't fit. I have underpants with holes and skid marks on them, but I don't put them on Craigslist. I just chuck them.

[Allison Rosen]

How much do you want for them?

[Adam Carolla]

Or give them away? Like, when I get A T shirt that's too small for me. I just, I give it to somebody. I, I don't sell it for $2.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Dude, she's right here in Glendale.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

How much do you want to see these forks and spoons?

[Adam Carolla]

I want to see that Bernadette Peters mouth of hers. You're saying the spoon is too small for your mouth?

[Allison Rosen]

Too big.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, too big for your small mouth.

[Caller/Listener]

It's like a serving spoon right now,

[Adam Carolla]

is it going to be ironic when we see you and you're 50 pounds overweight?

[Caller/Listener]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You can see my reflection.

[Caller/Listener]

It's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, upside down.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You look all right.

[Allison Rosen]

She's got a bare midriff.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

She's concave.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, okay, so I went to. Okay, so I needed spoons and forks and I even went to Goodwill and like, they don't even sell them. I mean, it's Goodwill, they don't sell them separately. Like you have to buy a whole entire set, which I don't need. And it's like eight bucks. I don't need that much silverware.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and you can't buy, I don't know if you know this, but you can't buy under 10 used Q tips from Goodwill either. Or floss.

[Allison Rosen]

That's like 20 applications.

[Adam Carolla]

You need a linear. You need three linear feet in order. Hold on, again, you can buy. Listen, you're talking to someone who grew up eating out of used plates.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but you have a regular sized mouth, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

There is. You live, you live in the Glendale area, right?

[Caller/Listener]

Okay. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a place, a little known hole in the wall, place called Ikea.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You need to know a certain knock for them to let you in.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm not a fan of ikea, alright, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand. But they will sell you forks and knives for probably $0.40 apiece or less. Like, you could probably go in there, you could buy a Chubb pack of wine glasses for like $4. Over there, you could buy forks and knives for $5 at Ikea. It's up the stack. Wouldn't you rather have new forks and knives rather than stuff that dead people used that could be haunted? Uh oh. Did she hang up? Uh oh. Uh oh. Trying to figure this out. I was trying to try to get her down here. You know, judging by the reflection, the inverted inflection on your spoon, sweetie, you're a bit of all right, let me take you away from all that.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a lot of shoulder going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's kind of tough. It's a little bit of a fun House thing. Now you do understand again, this thing of hey man, we're not in the 1%, man. Dunno, it's got nothing to do with that. The time that it takes to sell your calories, your life. I mean, if you talked to people that had money and said how much for an extra five years, they'd go $20 million. I mean, they pay you a lot of fucking money for five years. You know, your time can sort of. Your life can be measured out in minutes. And coffee spoons. Yeah, and coffee spoons. Yeah. Just like crash test dummies. Who wants to spend it behind a municipal bus of life, you know, versus windsurfing. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

It is that thing. Cause like the years that I spent super poor and struggling and scared and worrying about everything and feeling like I had to save everything and it was not, it was not a productive time for me. It was a very anxiety ridden time. But I probably would have gone to Goodwill instead of somewhere new because I felt so awful about the situation I was in in my life that I was punishing myself with shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I would go to Goodwill to buy like an end table. I even would buy like mattresses that were like, had the plastic put back over them, like reconditioned or something. I think that what it was is the employee would beat off on it and then put the plastic bag on it and then put it back and they. Yeah, I used to do everything, but I wouldn't buy socks from Goodwill. You know, there's certain lines and by. And also we're talking about 15 or 20 years ago. This is still before this Chinese. Almost everything is free influx. I mean, also I'd like to point

[Allison Rosen]

out she knew the size of her mouth when she went into Goodwill, but she still bought the giant spoons and the modernist forks. Those are like the beta version of forks with the three prongs.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

The silver lining of sadness to this whole thing is that she was forced to buy multiple and doesn't need them all. Like, do you not anticipate ever having friends over or a date or more than one for parents coming to visit? Like, she's like, I only need two forks, I'm selling the rest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's not okay.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm fascinated by her and we don't have her on the line.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll see if we can get her back up. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, also, again, if somebody said to me, look, I need you to, I need you to photograph spoons and forks and then I need you to get them up onto Craigslist. And then I need you to hang out by the phone and monitor it in case people call in on this. How much? I'd be like 10 grand, 15 grand? Like I need money. I would need money. This I look at as a pain in the ass and a pretty big expenditure of energy, but I'm going to need overtime. Oh, her phone died. She texted us. Her phone died.

[Allison Rosen]

How did she text us?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Along with her spirit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know how anything works. That's why we need such a large sum of money to do this. Rocco.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. You're in Phoenix?

[Caller/Listener]

I am. How are you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Good. You got a lampshade for sale?

[Caller/Listener]

I do. You want it?

[Adam Carolla]

$5.

[Caller/Listener]

I'll give you a good deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Rocco, please tell me this is one of those gay things.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, you know what? No, it's not. I'll tell you. It's kind of a sad story.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I know, I know. Go ahead.

[Caller/Listener]

It's because I'm out of work and I'm selling everything I own so I can buy milk and bread for the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Jesus Christ, you're breaking my heart. I wish you weren't a liar. And by the way, there was somebody who wouldn't talk to us, but they're selling breast milk and actually they're in the Phoenix area as well.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

That's enterprising.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. All right, hold on a second. First, you don't have a job. What was your job?

[Caller/Listener]

General contractor. Of course. I'm out of work like a million other of them.

[Adam Carolla]

So you do everything? Yes. What do you specialize in?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, residential. A lot of residential and commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you need anything done now? I have horrible carpenters here already. Not that you're a horrible carpenter. I'm just saying I have to deal with my own horrible carpenters. Your kids. Where's your wife?

[Caller/Listener]

Where's my wife?

[Adam Carolla]

Uh, oh yeah. Where is she?

[Caller/Listener]

She's right here listening to this whole thing. She makes me do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. Does she have a job?

[Caller/Listener]

She has a job. So I'm home, I gotta do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, so you're home. And don't you feel like as a guy, I mean, do you actually have skills? Can you hang Sheetrock? Do you own tools?

[Caller/Listener]

I can, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. What's OSB stand for? What does what OSB stand for?

[Caller/Listener]

Msb.

[Adam Carolla]

OSB Oriented Strand Board. What's MDF stand for?

[Caller/Listener]

You mean for sheathing? Yeah, for roofs and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

What size would you use?

[Caller/Listener]

What size? Well, half inch on a roof. Depends on the Trusses. What's the distance? Is it a 24 or 12 inch?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now the fun begins. All right. MDF. What's that stand for?

[Caller/Listener]

MDS F. MDF. Oh, that said press board.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Medium density fiberboard. We're having a ball out here. All right. Strike side and butt side. When it pertains. As it pertains to a door. Now I'm really getting interested. Exterior door thickness.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm gonna put you on. I'm taking out speaker because I'm having a hard time.

[Adam Carolla]

Please. Exterior door thickness. What is the thickness of an exterior door?

[Caller/Listener]

Inch and three, eight.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's interior.

[Caller/Listener]

Is it a fire door?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. Nice to talk to you. Inch and three, eight is interior. Exterior.

[Caller/Listener]

No, it's a two inch. If it's a fire door. Fire rated door.

[Adam Carolla]

Front door.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right, this is going to be interesting. Inch and three quarter exterior. Inch and three, eight interior. And what size hinges do you use on both?

[Caller/Listener]

What size hinges? Four inch. You can use a three and a half. It's not. If it's not too heavy on the

[Adam Carolla]

inch and three, eight, goofball. Not the inch and three quarter.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, that's a three and a half inch inch.

[Adam Carolla]

You're scaring me just a little bit, Rocco. Now this is fun. You're one of those kind of contractor guys, but not really, right? Yeah, you know.

[Caller/Listener]

You know, at this point, you know, I'm just trying to.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Second, I have never met a good carpenter who's out of work. Not a good carpenter. There's guys who are union guys. And then the fucking, you know, they stop building in Las Vegas and they do, by the way, I can't call it steel work. Sorry. Iron work. It pisses people off. Those are iron working guys. Steel guys working plants.

[Allison Rosen]

I was getting mad.

[Adam Carolla]

I got. I could feel the stare inside of my head. But the good carpenters, that is sort of recession proof because all you need is your tools and some flyers or word of mouth. Anyone who owns a home, you'll be over there. I mean, you won't be getting rich, but you'll be hanging doors and doing it. It doesn't matter. There's always something to do somewhere. All right, Rocco? Yeah. Okay, buddy. I'm saying I think you'd be better off taking your fair to middle end carpentry skills out into the real world than you would be selling lampshades on the Internet. Internet.

[Caller/Listener]

Who knows? What's your radio job?

[Adam Carolla]

What's your wife do? She a nurse now?

[Caller/Listener]

She's a Customer service. She works in customer service.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew it. Put her on the phone. Let me talk to her for a second.

[Caller/Listener]

All right, here she is. Her name is Mary. All right, you may have met your match. What's up?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I didn't know Rocco was gay. Oh, no. What's going on, Mary?

[Caller/Listener]

Not too much. How are you, sir?

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, customer service. I like that. Yeah. What do you need? What's going on?

[Caller/Listener]

Not too much.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Just testing you out. How good a carpenter is your husband, Rocco?

[Caller/Listener]

He's good. He's been doing it well. Chicago for 20 years and then out here for 10.

[Adam Carolla]

But no work to be had, huh? Do you really have to sell the lampshade? And by the way, way you sell the lampshade to buy the milk and to buy the bread for the kids. Meanwhile, the kids, their eyes are damaged by staring at that plain bulb, you know what I'm saying? Think about the damage. Think about how much optometrists cost, you know? See what I'm saying?

[Dom Irrera]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Are you really going to sell lampshades for $5?

[Caller/Listener]

We really are. You wouldn't believe what we. We sold two mini lampshades for three bucks. And do you know the woman drove 45 minutes to come and get them?

[Adam Carolla]

Did you guys have some sort of loser off in the driveway like when they came out? Like, you just. Like you just hear the theme from the Good, Bad, and the ugly going. And you look at the lampshade and you hear that donkey jaw thing rattle in the background, you know, I think it's called the donkey jaw. It's like the losers, she said starts reaching for a change purse. You start going for the mini lampshade. Yeah. Just tight on both your eyes with tears coming down both of them. Sweat coming from my brow. Oh, man. Yeah. Shoot out at the oy vey corral. All right, you joke there. 45 minutes to buy $3 worth of mini lamps. Yes.

[Caller/Listener]

Can you believe it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That's why. Because you can't make that up. Because no one would believe that because they'd say, that's too.

[Caller/Listener]

That's right. We should have taped it.

[Adam Carolla]

How old are your. Are your kids?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, two are out of the house. They're older now and then. We've got a 23 and 21.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Those are the younger ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are the young ones.

[Caller/Listener]

Yep. They're in college.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Can't they get milk in college?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Feel like they can take care of themselves, right?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, they sure. Well, you know what? We're doing okay? We're Doing just fine.

[Adam Carolla]

As long as you got each other. Yeah. All right. Your kids are grown. They're either out of the house or they should be out of the house so you don't have to sell lampshades for milk anymore, right?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, what about how funny it is?

[Adam Carolla]

It is funny. I mean, it's providing a certain degree of entertainment for me and my listeners. But I'm just telling you, Mary, come on. You're better than that. What kind of customer service work do you do?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, we sell vacations, and I just take care of folks who, you know, just kind of can't figure it out for themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, everybody, I'm 55, and I talk like, who needs a lampshade? Oh, you're drunk. Oh, you do need a lampshade.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jha Ford. All right. You know, this. You selling people vacations reminds me of back in the day when I used to work in Gardena at a decorative box plant, and it was all these gift boxes were, like, with any $100 purchase of an Estee Lauder item. Was it Estee Lauder? Yes, Estee Lauder. Yeah. You get this decorative box with soaps in it or something. But the poor women are putting it together with, like, squatty Guatemalan women who would never get that.

[Allison Rosen]

They'd never get those emollients.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Their skin would never be nourished like rich whitey. But it was so sad that here they were working the saddest place in the world, putting together these. You know, it'd be like making gingerbread cookies in a porta pot.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I call it, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like one of those old man things. That's about as good as making gingerbread cookies and Porta Potty, Sean. All right, well, anyway, listen, Mary, you guys always have love and that you can't buy on Craigslist.

[Allison Rosen]

You can actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you can. Okay. There you go. Sell that.

[Caller/Listener]

It's probably pretty cheap.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, sweetie. Good luck with the lampshade.

[Caller/Listener]

Thank you so much. We've got more on there, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, let me say this. I notice you break the items up. Like, a lot of people would sell the lamp, but you just sell the shade. Now, what happens when you keep going? Like, eventually I just see shoelaces for sale, but you're going to keep the shoes, or how does that work?

[Caller/Listener]

I don't know about shoelaces, but somebody wanted the lamp, but they didn't need the lamp shade, so. Yep, that's how that works.

[Adam Carolla]

Again, I'm so glad that I Spent the bulk of my life super poor because otherwise I'd be really confused. See, otherwise I'd be like, man, I guess some people are like, they just. Times are tight. It's belt tightening time. I would honestly think that way, but because I spent so much time poor and I never thought this way for a second. Never a second. It was always just like, yes, I'm poor, but I'm not an idiot and I don't have a neuroses and, and my time is worth something, you know, I mean, I was a guy, I could remember having my motorcycle and putting in 45 cents into the tank and 50 cents into the tank and stuff like that. But I still wouldn't drive an hour to buy something that was $3. That saved me 50 cents.

[Allison Rosen]

Mary and Rocco also have a number of things for sale, including framed phrases. I'd just like to know what some of the phrases are. They have frames.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope they're inspirational.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's see, when it all began is one which is a non sequitur and dare to dream. So I don't feel inspired.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know what I wish they'd, you know what I wish they'd do away with now? Picturing all these phrases. You see these. You know, I travel through the airport a lot now and I see a lot of this semi avant garde advertising. It's usually like, like for big investment firms or something. And it'll show some Olympic athlete doing something crazy and then it'll say dream. And then you'll pass the next one two steps later and it'll say regret, you know, and then something I find myself like, sort of like an unfunny Peanuts cartoon that you have to read three times. It's like, listen, I got a Bloody Mary in me. I'm running fucking late. What am I looking at here?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, what are you advertising?

[Adam Carolla]

And then I don't even know. I feel like half these advertising like these, these big firms, itg, you know, like, what do you want me to do?

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, should I take some of my money out of my bank account and put. I don't know what you guys are like, I, I know you do something with financial something, but I don't know what to do.

[Allison Rosen]

I think that's how they want it.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that how they want it? Are there people? But there's no ITG store at the airport. Like, are they, Is it just for, I mean, again, is it just for like Wall street guys? Like, is, is it just for stock holders or something?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Like your financial guy says you Gotta put money in igt like, oh, I

[Adam Carolla]

saw them on a bench ad. Yeah. So they must be good. Like they got that Griffin thing.

[Allison Rosen]

You must have been in o'. Hare.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't know what to do. I can tell you I've walked through a million airports and seen a million of these sort of ads. Some of them seem like social commentary mixed with semi philanthropic mixed with sort of a modern day version of showing. It used to just show a bald eagle and it says, it say rise above or something. And then you'd go, all right, I get. It's corny, but I get it. But this is now too avant garde. Like, I don't really understand. I can't slow down long enough to really drink it in. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. I just feel like I'm being bombarded with it.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You're like, I don't want to talk to Chuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah, I just. I don't know what it does. I don't know what they're paying for. I get the feeling some of these things are just to be seen by the people that work at the place. So they feel like they're working at a cool place. I understand a movie poster and I understand the Cinnabon poster. You know, like, I understand the. Right around the corner and over here, and I understand that, oh, when in Cincinnati, definitely swing by Ruth Chris Steakhouse. Like that. I understand this is getting way too out. There should be some sort of sanctioning body that goes, that's too confusing. People have to stop. They're going to ask questions. Yeah, I don't know. They don't know what to do. And I don't need it in the Jetway going down the thing. I think it slows things down. I want it just big fat arrows going, shake your ass. All right, where were we? A little. Oh, speaking of advertising. Oh, do we have an outro, by the way? It's been a while. That's who the fuck sells this shit, Mike Lynch. You know what I'm talking about? Like, they have the same picture five times, but although, like five different headings above it. We saw a bunch of them in New York in the subway. Yeah, just show a picture of Half Dome and it says surge. You know, and then they show it again and I'll say failure. And then you'll go again and I'll say balance. And it'd be like, should I let me invest in this park? Or are they gonna reveal themselves at some point? Like those Successories posters. But I don't know what to do with them. They're getting too hip. Yeah. Too hip for the goddamn room. All right. Tell you who's not too hip for the. Oh, no, wait. They are too hip. Oh, damn it, Carola. Damn it. You know it's good enough. Godaddy. That's right. Just right. Just right. Not Squaresville. Not too hip for the room. Mm. Just right. $4.95. You get yourself a website. That's right. Everyone needs a website these days. Family business. Maybe you're in the crazy motivational poster that no one understands business and you need a website. Confusion.com. that's kind of a mouthful, no? Yeah, maybe. Right. GoDaddy.com. easy, affordable, a name you can trust. And here's a deal. Get up to three.coms for $4.95 each. That's right. That's right. $7.99 after that. But three sell. What's that sell? Lampshade and a half. And you're in, babe. You got yourself a domain. Just enter the code Adam 495. That's Adam [e-mail] to get this deal. Hurry up. Offer ends July 31st. Godaddy.com.

[Allison Rosen]

i just realized the 495 is because it's $4.95.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe everyone else realized that. Four very Central Park. Central park five.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I knew that one. All right. Also, we're going to be in Irvine next Wednesday, which is Doug Benson. I'm going to be in Buffalo at the Buffalo center for Performing Arts coming up this Saturday and Carmel coming up for the big race weekend. Go check that out online. Dom Herrera is here. Look forward to Dom coming in studio. I'll tell you what, take a quick break. Be back with great comedian Domrera next. Legendary comedian Dom Herrera in studio. Great to see you, Dom.

[Dom Irrera]

Great to see you, Adam. I refuse to sign the release because you know me, I like to just do material and get out of here. Yeah, like you to ask me the, you know, if I rent a car and.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, the stuff. Yeah. Any. Any trouble getting out here from the airport, Dom?

[Dom Irrera]

Funny you should ask. Well, first of all, there's so much funny stuff happened at the airport. I can't believe it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

And it's amazing how it all happened in one day. How you been, man?

[Adam Carolla]

I've been good. How you been?

[Dom Irrera]

I'm good. I was thinking. I was reflecting on some of the things we did together, you know, crank, anchors and your radio show in Montreal. And I was thinking, the only thing I didn't like, and I don't know if you liked it or not, was the Byron Allen thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Comics Unleashed.

[Dom Irrera]

Comics Unleashed.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Byron Allen, I was so uncomfortable

[Dom Irrera]

on that because you had to do material, remember?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing that's funny. Well, it's actually smart. I was talking about this with somebody today, which is a lot of these guys, and I don't mean this in a bad way, but a lot of folks are ringleaders. They're not personalities, they're ringleaders. And so Byron Allen is crazy like a goddamn fox. What he does is he does a show called Comics Unleashed, which means he gets together four comedians. He then has them do their material, and then he gets paid, right?

[Dom Irrera]

And it looks like he's brilliant.

[Adam Carolla]

So he just sits there and I've done the. You know. And what you do, I'm gonna tell my kid this. The first time that Byron Allen asks you to do Comics Unleashed, go out there.

[Allison Rosen]

It's just a waste of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Drop a ton of N bombs. Yeah. Because if you go out there like dad and you do good, you'll be asked back every week for the next hundred years for free.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah, it's him and his mother producing it. And I just. I hate that setup. I mean, they did that on Dr. Katz, which I loved Dr. Katz. I used to do a. Sure, Dr. Katz, professional therapist. And at one point, I said, look, I just want to improvise, or I don't want to do it anymore. I don't feel like just doing. It's so hokey. Because when I was a kid and I would see the Tonight show and I'd see guys, you'd know that it was material. Seems so phony.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing about what happened to me on Comics Unleashed, we were on together is I was on with everybody.

[Dom Irrera]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Because I'd go on. Because, see, I would have this. This thing here. I have this combination. I'm like a hot chick who loves to suck cock. Write that down.

[Dom Irrera]

You know, it's funny you said that, because I was thinking that when I saw you. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In that I'll go on your show, and I'll be good on your show. And I'm always a half hour away from everyone. And so they say, can you do the show? And I'll go, yeah, I'll do it. And then so what? They would just keep going back to the. Well, like I did politically incorrect 28 times in a year and a half because Someone would drop out and they'd call me Monday morning like, can you come over? And I'd go like, yeah, I'll come over.

[Dom Irrera]

Did you ever do it when they all agreed it was hilarious because there was no conflict?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'd always make sure there was an argument.

[Dom Irrera]

But they had a Republican on and everybody liked him. And it was Ray Davies from the Kinks and Valerie Harper and they all,

[Adam Carolla]

oh, those two teaming up again. They all agreed. I heard there's acoustic album, but I wasn't a fan. So on Comics Unleashed, what I would do on Comics Unleashed is I don't have material because I wasn't a stand up at the time. I was just me. So I'd get on there and what they'd do is they'd sit everyone down and they'd get like, dat win or whoever won. That fan. That fan. Dat Wynn was the instrument.

[Dom Irrera]

Thank you so much for doing show. I have material.

[Adam Carolla]

Dat fam's inside linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys. All right, so they. Or dat win or whatever. So they'd get him and they'd go like. So Byron say like, what do you want me to ask you? And say, ask me about my grandmother. My grandmother's staying at the house and she doesn't speak good English. And that's funny. Okay, Don, what do you want to talk about? Being Italian, I think it's a rich grown up stuff.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah, that's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, what do you want to talk about? I'll go, I don't know. I'll just talk about what they're talking about. I'll jump on their shit with they're talking about. And so that's the way they would do it. And then it feel weird when you're sitting there because Byron would be like, hey, dad, what's going on? Any relatives coming to town? Oh, don't get me started. I got my grandmother coming in town and he'd do it, but then I would end up.

[Allison Rosen]

I'd be comfortable just hearing about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd do five minutes on his grandma. Yeah, that's the only thing I could do.

[Dom Irrera]

You did well on it. I mean, it's. The thing is, I felt dirty doing material because I knew it was material. And to act like it's not is so hopeful.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's very clear to the audience that it is material.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but Byron, can't you just be funny? Byron has more. Well, no, Byron, dad cannot be funny. No, there's a lot of. Look, I say it this way all the time, which is this doing Comedy is like doing magic in that David Copperfield and David Blank and other guys named David aren't. They're not warlocks, they're illusionists. So if they do a great job, you think there's fire shooting out of their hand or ass and you think that they made the Statue of Liberty. If you're very skilled at what you do, you make it seem as if this is happening, but nobody really can make someone levitate or saw somebody in half. Now, comedy, for many people, it's the same way if you're very skillful at what you do. There's even setups. We had Ray Romano in here. He was talking about doing a setup where Dave Letterman would ask him something, you know, he'd set up. But now, if you're a clumsy magician, well, then people see your hand cupped and your thing and your pocket and all that. But if you're very skilled at it, it's as if you made it appear. But once in a while, there's a handful of warlocks out there like David Alan Grier and Domera. I would have said that. If you weren't here, and not even in that order, I would have said Dom and Dave. No, there's a handful of guys that could actually just do it. They can do the sort of magic. Doesn't mean it's going to work perfectly every time, but they're all right.

[Dom Irrera]

I'd rather fail trying than have to be so slick. My idea of comedy is to be as funny as I can. If I can't think of anything else, I'll do my own act.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dom Irrera]

But I'd like to be.

[Adam Carolla]

I do your act that way, too.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

If I can't think of anything funny, I'll do Dom's act.

[Dom Irrera]

You bring justice to that act.

[Adam Carolla]

So what you have is a lot of magicians and a handful of warlocks. And the society builds itself around the magicians because there's more of them than there are warlocks. So thus there's a lot of pre interviewing and a lot of I'll set you up and I'll do. And by the way, that's how people like, they don't want to go in and sit down and be on TV and have Byron Allen ask him some question and then go, what? I didn't know what you were going to bring up.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you ever been at a loss for what to talk about next?

[Adam Carolla]

I have been good and I've been not so good, but I've never been like, oh, shit, where are we going? And the Reason I've never been, oh shit, where are we going? Is because I don't have a place to go in the first place. It's like saying to a center field there, has there ever been a ball hit and you went the wrong direction? Like no, because I never started that direction before the ball was hit. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

You're not trying to remember.

[Dom Irrera]

I don't want to make it the Sammy Mordlin, I'm sorry to cut you off, but you don't have to worry about jokes because you're naturally funny, which is a big difference. Do you know what I mean? It's like you have to have. You'd be loaded with jokes if you're not naturally funny. But if you're naturally a good, you can project funny, you can act, and

[Adam Carolla]

people will stay with you a little bit through your sort of whatever until you find funny, which usually is just around the next corner. Dom, I recently had a chance just to walk through South Philly.

[Dom Irrera]

Oh really?

[Adam Carolla]

And I know you're from South Philly and my dad's place is from South Philly and you had the three story house with the four generations of Italians there. And I had not been to South Philly since I left that place when I was six, seven years old and I was in Philly. And it was just one of these things where I did my gig that night. And the flight was until 3, 4 in the afternoon and basically had all day. And I just said, you know what, I'm gonna go find my dad's old address. And I just took a cab down to South Philly and woo, was I depressed.

[Dom Irrera]

It was all Vietnamese.

[Adam Carolla]

It was crazy, man. I mean, it was depressing, it was weird.

[Dom Irrera]

Everything looks smaller. And I can't believe they live in those little houses, houses and they're just

[Adam Carolla]

wall to wall, just pushed up against each other. And a couple things I remember, I remember my grandmother lived there until she died. And I was living out in California and I was like, when my grandmother died, I was 18, 19 years old. And this big boom was going on in the real estate industry in Southern California, especially like the Valley. I grew up in the Valley my whole life. And all of a sudden houses were over $100,000.

[Dom Irrera]

I didn't know you never lived in South Philly.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird as a kid. And so my dad, my dad grew up in South Philly. So I remember when she died, well, that house she'd owned for 50 years. And I was just doing the sort of naive. Here's where I live. And here's how much houses cost here. And I'm like, house in the valley here, like, single story is like $120,000. That's a three story house. Like 175, $200,000 or something. All cash. It's all paid for. And you're talking to a guy who's never seen more than $100 at a time. And my dad's never seen more than $1,000 at a time. I was like, he's. He's gonna get like, you know, he's got a couple brothers, Mario and Ralph, you know, out there. Mario's still living at home, by the way, but he's gonna get 50 grand out of this. Oh, my God. We're gonna buy a yacht. It's like house sold. In 1985, house sold for like $16,000.

[Patrick Muldoon]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, like, holy shit. And then I was walking around looking at places for sale, and I mean, they were like 25 grand, 30 grand, like in a modern age. Crazy, man. Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

I could never live there again. I mean, I. I go back and I do the casinos there, and I love seeing my friends and family, but there's no going back.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, to South Philly. Weird.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah. And I. And I know people are gonna hear this and think, oh, you think she's too big for us now? But it like, basically too clean, white. South Philly now is Cherry Hill, New Jersey. They all moved over.

[Adam Carolla]

They went to. Yeah, Cherry Hill, that's the mall I found $50 in.

[Dom Irrera]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I found. As a 5 year old, I found a loose $50 bill. Not in a wallet, just loose. Just on the ground. And my mom is so fucking honest. He said, we'll take that to the lost. In fact.

[Dom Irrera]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

As a four and a half year old, I was like, are you high, bitch? You're gonna take a loose $50 bill. Loose. There's not, you know, not fold it in half with a driver's license or something. Just loose.

[Dom Irrera]

Here, I'll take care of that.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a couple times in life where you can take someone else's money and actually feel good about it. One is, you know, drug deal gone bad, and the other is finding $50. It's a cherry Hill mall. Loose. Like, okay, there's. There's nothing I can. Those are the only two scenarios. There's nothing I can do about this. This is going in my pocket, and that's a ton of money to a four and a half year old. Adam. Carolla.

[Dom Irrera]

It was your life savings.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And my mom said, no, well, bring it to Lost and found it. And I was like, the dude behind the counter is going right into his pocket. And the guy said, we will. We'll keep it for two weeks and we'll see if somebody claims. I don't know how you claim, by the way. That's the greatest scam in the world. You just go there. I lost 10 bucks. Now, what did it look like? One of the presidents is green. It's kind of football field shaped. 50. Nothing. Nothing loose. Any gold at all. Watches, anything unmarked?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I'll be back tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be back. See you tomorrow. So I said, well, come on. Went back, said the guy. I said, two weeks. Two weeks. We'll bring it and if it's not, you can come claim it in two weeks. Woman claimed it a week and a half later.

[Dom Irrera]

Are you serious? Oh, hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

Claimed it, then came to my home, like, out of. Like this is a parable.

[Dom Irrera]

She came to your home?

[Adam Carolla]

Heavyset, woman of color, cleaning woman. Like, this was my life. It was probably hers. Literally, like something out of the Bible, like, came to our home. Thank you.

[Caller/Listener]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

You're a good person, you know? And I'm like, oh, give me any money. Yeah, she gave. She gave me. She gave me a $10 finer fee. And I had to fucking split it. My sister, dead sister. Jesus Christ. Every time she didn't do anything, always wetting her beak. Son of a bitch. Literally wetting her beak. I love her. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Cherry Hill Mall. So, South Phil. When did you get out of South Philly?

[Dom Irrera]

Second grade. We moved to West Philly near the University of Pennsylvania. And you know Philly at all the way, you know, the parishes and the black and white neighborhoods, and this is kind of a black neighborhood. And people from southwest Philly get upset with me when I go on television and radio saying I'm from South Philly. Because I am originally from South Philly, right. And my family was there. But, like, they're so, like, you know, provincial about where they're from. And you got to. And it's like, oh, well, you think you're too good for us? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just telling the truth. I mean, and I ask people. I was on. I did the Tropicana a few weeks ago. Ask me how I did.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd you do?

[Dom Irrera]

I don't want to brag.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fine. It's not a big deal.

[Dom Irrera]

It's a gift. It's a gift. I don't want to talk about it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what he did with Byron Allen.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah, right. But I said, how many of you from South Philly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yay.

[Dom Irrera]

How many live there now? Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, nothing.

[Dom Irrera]

They have Saint Monica's. Saint Monica's parish was the parish that used to go to. This is. I'm digressing here, but we went to camp there, and this priest used to molest the kids with all the stuff that's coming out, and nobody told anybody because he was a priest.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Totally different time.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, well, wait, you can't rat out a priest.

[Dom Irrera]

I mean, I'm sure there's something good about this.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if it's the Internet or it's basic cable or fear, but I'm just saying, like. Like where we were circa 1972 to today. 1969. Today, whatever. 40 years, 50 years, something. Versus 1672 to 1710. You know what I mean? It's only been 35, 40, 50 years. But I feel like we're a completely different society. It couldn't have been that way in the past. You know what I mean? You'd have a couple wheels, you know, a couple things like a water wheel or a musket or something that maybe your grandpa didn't have. But, I mean, it wasn't a totally different. I feel like we're almost in a totally different setting.

[Dom Irrera]

We are in a lot. I mean, we started asking questions, and that's what opened up the whole thing. Yesterday, a friend of mine, he believes the Pope is infallible. And I said, do you really believe it's infallible? He said, yeah, about church doctrine. I said, well, what about the fact that he doesn't let people use birth control? So millions of people in Africa have died because of this. Is that infallible? Is that right? He goes, well, that's wrong. I said, well, then he's not infallible. And he just walked away.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but still.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The problem was, is they gave him a mobile. And anytime you have a mobile, it makes you into a superhero. But he has a cape and a mobile, which makes you. You are now de facto superhero at this point. All right, Allison Rose.

[Dom Irrera]

Allison, are you Jewish?

[Adam Carolla]

She said, I thought so.

[Dom Irrera]

You know why?

[Allison Rosen]

Why?

[Dom Irrera]

Because you're so smart.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

I swear to God, I didn't know

[Allison Rosen]

where that was going to go, but thank you.

[Dom Irrera]

No, it's funny, because I met this girl in Boston. She beautiful, blonde hair, blue eye, kind of looks Swedish. She says, and after a while, I go, are you Jewish? She goes, yeah, why? And I said, the same Thing good for a regular girl. Yeah, I wasn't picking her up. Was my friend's daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

I always described Jews as smart Italians and Italians as good looking Jews. Right. Not these two, but, you know, Italians

[Dom Irrera]

are Jews that only made junior college.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. They're like they have a lot of same traits with the family and the schnaz and everything else. They just do a little bit better in life.

[Allison Rosen]

Kind of basking in the warmth, me and Dom.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. By the way, if you'd like to have our archives, first episode in February of 09, all the way through, you can go to AdamCroll.com Archives and subscribe. Buck 99 for 30 days. $4.99 for six months. Step up to a year, $7.99. There's Jesus. Literally thousands of hours of me saying literally thousands of hours. It's awesome.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Very meta.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, you can mail your book jacket in. And like I said, thanks for helping us go over 50,000 units on the book. You want me to sign your book jacket? I'll sign it for you. Send it on in. Just send it in. And I think we'll send it back. We'll handle the postage. That's right. Stamps.com will handle the postage. It ends this month. So get on it. Whatever you want to send in, it'll eventually get to me and I'll either sign it or eat it or both. Thank you. All right. And also, if you dig what you're hearing and you want to tell a friend, we would much appreciate it because that's what grows the show. That's who we are. That's who you are. That's all we ask of you. All right, Allison Rosen. Should we do some news? Yes, the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison.

[Dom Irrera]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zippy Cunt.

[Dom Irrera]

It's Allison.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

I should tell everyone. By the way, Dom is going to be playing Friday night, the 27th at the Laugh Factory in Long Beach. [e-mail] and Dom's website, Dom Herrera. That's two Rs, Dom. Ira. I r r e r a dot com is the website. You find out dates and all that.

[Dom Irrera]

Thank you, Adam. May I add that I'm going to be at the Paris at the Empire Comedy club club on August 9th, 10th and 11th. I plan on killing. I can't say it. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I won't say it Let me ask Dom. How you gonna do slaughter?

[Dom Irrera]

You ever get these comedians that say, man, I killed, and I'm thinking, I was there, right? No, you didn't. I consider killing when they carry you around the room like the Ayatollah, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Also, don't tell other comedians how funny you are. They don't give a shit.

[Allison Rosen]

How long have people said killed meaning to do?

[Dom Irrera]

Well, as long as I've been a comedian.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

It's been around a while.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah, I think it's an old vaudeville term.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Killed it, you know, slaying an audience. Maybe it started there and then it went to killing.

[Dom Irrera]

Slay to kill.

[Adam Carolla]

It's getting a little weird now with all the shootings and stuff. Yeah. All right. News, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

So LA City council has voted unanimously to ban all marijuana dispensaries. But patients and caretakers can still grow marijuana. Wanted home, but no more dispensaries. About 762 and a couple hundred more unregistered facilities. 762 registered dispensaries will be forced to close. This goes into effect 30 days from Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said it once, I'll say it again. I think I said it on O'Reilly Today or yesterday, depending on when you hear this. If you would have said to my hippie pot smoking mom and her hippie pot smoking friends, Happy Sunshine, Axis and Zorbec in 1972, guess who's gonna still be arguing over pot in 2012? She would have fucking fallen on her bong and killed herself right there. Like, it was like, well, we're all gonna be living in floating cities with jet packs and no, no, we'll be sitting in the same shitty apartments arguing over pot and guns.

[Dom Irrera]

I don't even smoke.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, are we still gonna argue over this?

[Allison Rosen]

Have you ever been to a dispensary? I went with someone who was getting her card. And the only thing I'll. And I'm in favor of the dispensaries being there, but the doctor was stoned. And the whole thing was every cliche. I mean, every. He was. He wasn't wearing shoes. Every cliche. And his. The other person who ran the dispensary with him was this hot blonde with fake tits and it was his wife,

[Dom Irrera]

shoeless, high doctor, take a look at my eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this. This is like.

[Allison Rosen]

It's so cliche.

[Adam Carolla]

You got. You guys fucked up royally here because I feel like we needed a stoned Martin Luther King to stand up and Say, look, we can't start fucking stealing flat screen TVs. We need a peaceful march to show people. That's right. So basically, like all the pot guys always been like, it's not dangerous. It doesn't attract a seedy crowd. Leave us. And then as soon as they start opening these places, all these fucking fake doctors start showing up and all these idiots. And then there was robberies. And then people are sleeping out on the curb. And you fuck this one up, Roy. Like, you really could have done this one in a way where it's like, see, no one's been injured. There's no, there's. All the doctors are legitimate and certified and nobody. You could walk into any of these things, get a note from a doctor for anything. Maybe it's the reason.

[Dom Irrera]

Note in crayon. Can you imagine if they tested the NBA? There'd be no NBA. It'd be impossible. Be a couple guys from Sweden and be.

[Adam Carolla]

It just be Steve Nash passing to himself the whole thing time and then doing boring layups the other thing. And again, I don't, you know, my thing with all these, you know, I think we go a little. We go a little nutty. And all our arguments one way or the other, like, look, I don't care if people want to smoke pot, but it's a drug. I mean, you get altered. You get altered. And they go, oh, what about alcohol? Yeah, yeah, you get altered with that too. Like, I understand you get altered with alcohol. You get altered with pot. And the new breed of pot, especially the ones where you're, you know, eating a pot taco in there and drinking a pot smoothie and stuff, you're getting fucked up pretty bad and for a long time. And the guys I know who have smoked marijuana or ingested marijuana on a daily basis going on a lot of years, yes, it has effects that are lingering. It does. There's no free rides in nature. In other words, it's not any different than drinking every day or smoking every day. You want to alter yourself every day and especially a lot of guys, like all day, every day. And you've been doing it since your junior year of high school and you're now in your 40s. Yeah, it alters you. And yeah, not in a good way. And let's just call it what it is. Should people have the right to do that? Yes, it's fine. But guys who are arguing, don't act

[Dom Irrera]

like it doesn't affect you.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't act like it doesn't affect you. And by the way, if it didn't affect you. Why are you it doing.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah. And why are you sitting here? You don't have a job talking about people, how I love the comedians that don't work and they go talk about how unfunny everybody else is and roll me another joint. Why don't you write a little thing?

[Allison Rosen]

You know what's crazy though, is that

[Adam Carolla]

you want to out Doug Benson. You just say his name.

[Dom Irrera]

Doug Benson smokes pot.

[Allison Rosen]

There are plenty of comedians, though, who are successful and who do smoke a ton.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Like Greg Proops is one.

[Adam Carolla]

They're. They're luck. If you want to do it, Bill Maher. If you want to do it it, do it. I have no problem with it. But you have to understand this. Greg Probst, Bill Maher. These guys have exceptional IQs. They're higher horsepower motors than most people have. I mean, it's not one of these things where there's a God just made us all the same. No. There's smart people and there's dumb people. Tim Leary could do LSD and get away with it. Tim Leary, that's right. I call him Timmy normally.

[Dom Irrera]

I met him at the Comedy Store. Tim Leary.

[Adam Carolla]

I call him Tim. I call him Tim. Learn. I call Steve. Steve Jobs. Steven Jobs. I like to fucking mix it up. But so here's the deal. If you're Timothy Leary. Yeah. You can around with the psychotropic drugs and still be all right. Because you might have 175 IQ, but if you're somewhere 89.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Somewhere between 8. 89. Thank you. And Ann, then maybe you shouldn't be taking the heroin or the LSD or the pot brownies. You see what I'm saying? Because it'll take you from 150 IQ to 125. And by the way, if you're at 150 and you want to knock yourself down to 125, you're still 25 ahead of me. So I don't care.

[Allison Rosen]

The times that I've been really stoned, I've thought this is what it would be like to be really stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what it's like.

[Dom Irrera]

I stopped drinking 10 days ago, and it was all about my face. I couldn't let it get any fat matter. Literally. I mean, literally. I said to these people, I was at a casino Saturday night and they said, have one drink with us. I always loved the one drink with a nightcap.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, nightcap.

[Dom Irrera]

Have a nightcap. One more like it's a cute little thing with a cap on, right? And I said, I Can't look at my face. I was Italian, now I look Mongolian. I don't want to look Chinese. Is that all right? Is that too much? Because my doctor says he saw me on Craig Ferguson and I love this because it's such an antiquated term and goes, the fuck happened to you? You look like a Chinaman.

[Adam Carolla]

Who says Chinaman?

[Dom Irrera]

You look like you're on steroids.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Dom Irrera]

I go, I was. You gave them to me, you prick. We were talking about. I had shingles and a prednisone thing. And then with drinking, my face never went down. When I look at myself, I just can't believe, like, I'm with these young girls and I look in the reflection in the window, I'm thinking, that's my fucking guido head I got to do. So I stopped drinking. Not on any moral grounds or health grounds, just on the idea of possibly

[Adam Carolla]

Buddha head ground shrinking my head, My head. What was your drink?

[Dom Irrera]

Everything. I mean, I got really bad. Like, I would drink with the girls at the Laugh Factory and we would drink shots and Jack Daniels and I love vodka. Really hard stuff. And then I'd go home and drink some more, like Raymond and Lost Weekend. I mean, really like that depressing drinking.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't, by the way. When I get home, I have a drink. Even if I was, like, if I was rescued from falling into a keg at a brewery, yeah, I would still go home and have a drink. Like, when I get home, I have a drink. I know you have to drink to know what I'm talking about. But it means, like, if you go out to a restaurant and you drink, you can be drunk. But still, when I go home, I always have a glass of wine, like, regardless. Almost as if I wasn't.

[Dom Irrera]

I think you gave me confidence because I had a DUI when I went to AA and I saw these people and they would stand up and God bless them for trying and whatever their lives are like. But, you know, I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic and I'm thinking, well, I'm Dom and I'm not as fucked up as you. You know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna drink again, sure. But I just. I just don't want. I just want to lose some weight and, you know, I would miss it as life.

[Adam Carolla]

Did they enjoy your attitude? All right, Dom, you can sit down now. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. So I just want to drop a few pounds. I want to fuck a few 28 year olds and then it's really right back Inside the bottle of Jack Daniels.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm pretty much better at drinking than

[Adam Carolla]

you guys or Cutty Shark or whatever you got.

[Dom Irrera]

Whatever you got. I'll drink.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't care.

[Dom Irrera]

I feel like I'm getting screwed out of being in first class if I don't drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, don't you? Now you're talking to the right guy. Oh, absolutely.

[Dom Irrera]

You don't have Courvoisier? What kind of flight is this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know, you got to drink in first class. That's half of first class.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so pot, these places kind of fuck things up for them themselves. It is a drug. If you want to do it, you should be able to do it. But let's not kid ourselves. You are altered. And what I've said all the time is, if you are an American and you own land and you have, you know, I mean, own a home, you should be able to grow a pot plant in your backyard. And unless someone catches you selling it, then that should be fine just for your consumption. Look, the same way you grow fucking Roma tomatoes.

[Patrick Muldoon]

What about moonshine?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sort of for that, too. I mean, anything you want to do.

[Dom Irrera]

Why is it their business?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, here's the thing, not to be

[Dom Irrera]

Jewish about it, but if you want.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know you couldn't make me.

[Adam Carolla]

If you want kids. Sorry, kids. I'm thinking of goats. But here's the deal. If you want chickens, and you want to raise the chickens, get eggs from the chickens, slaughter the chickens, dress the chickens and eat the chickens, that's your fucking business. And if you want to grow Roma tomatoes, and if you want to make some gin in your bathtub when you go out to the freeway entrance and try to sell it, then we have an issue. I think, as a society, that's my take on it. So you want to grow the pot, grow the pot, grow the tomatoes, and make the fucking. Make your beer, do whatever the fuck you want.

[Dom Irrera]

Just leave me alone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the making the beer part, by the way, I had a roommate who made some, and it blew up in the middle of the night in the kitchen. You know, like the fermentation process, Making

[Dom Irrera]

beer in the house.

[Adam Carolla]

So the first off, I go to Trader Joe's and I see the 1400 microbreweries that they've represented there for under six bucks a six pack. And I'm like, there's no reason in the fucking world for me to bring home a Sparklets bottle and fill it with yeast.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

We all have that one friend. I just encountered this guy over the weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

He works here. His name is Jeff, who's like, you

[Show Producer/Assistant]

got a bottle of your own beer? I'm like, nah, it seems like I

[Adam Carolla]

don't have to do it.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

No, it's super easy. This. All these good bears out there. You can do it yourself. It's super easy.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yeah, I have a friend who did it too.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel like I'm never sitting at a bar and someone, you know, hits me with a draft of Sam Adams or Stella or Sierra Nevada or Amstel and I go, she's not cutting it. Someone's got to make more mucks. Yeah, this blue moon is. Oh, this is sweet.

[Dom Irrera]

I need more yeast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is not yeasty. It's not finishing right. It's not. It's not happy enough.

[Dom Irrera]

Give me a teaspoon of malt in that, will you?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like there's.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, Jeff. Of the homemade beer has come.

[Adam Carolla]

Thousand different beers. I appreciate. Look, I appreciate it. Like I'm sort of, sort of like guys who insist on like making their own, like, like I knew a guy, like their own consoles in their own studio or their own table in their bathroom. Here's the thing. But here's the thing.

[Dom Irrera]

Is he giving you the business?

[Adam Carolla]

He's giving me the business.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Now

[Adam Carolla]

here's the deal, Jeff. If there was a place down the street called Consoles R Us and they sold this console that I had to make here in the parking lot for way less than half the time and price it took me to do it and it was actually better than this one, I'd be fucking on top of it. I really only did this because I needed this weird shape and I needed to film. If I could find this at ikea, I'd jump on it. And that's my thing. I don't think I could beat Sam Adams in the beer brewing department.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Sam Adams is great.

[Adam Carolla]

There's tons of great store bought beer. But it's just, it's not as hard as you think it is to make beer. And it's not as time consuming as

[Dom Irrera]

you think and how easy it is to buy.

[Allison Rosen]

What's the upside though?

[Adam Carolla]

The fun? What I'm looking for is my dad. When I out for a six pack and never came home since then, you know one of those stories not about not as long as fun. Because as long as the Sam Adams at the Costco is 5.99, you're not going to win this argument. I need something involves family trauma. Well, my dad got drafted off to Vietnam. Yes. And left behind his beer brewing bucket. We're talking somewhere and talking somewhere like that guy. You could cry. It'd be awesome. Yes. And then he was gone for years. Uh huh.

[Dom Irrera]

Stop.

[Adam Carolla]

With his beer brewing bucket. And all I had to remember him

[Show Producer/Assistant]

by was his beer brewing bucket.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now that's good. That's beautiful. And then now that's good. It turned out that he was just living with his other family for four years. All right.

[Dom Irrera]

But that reminds me of the first time my entire family molested me. They just passed me around the room like a top.

[Adam Carolla]

Jeff makes his own labels.

[Dom Irrera]

Does he really?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

That's sad.

[Adam Carolla]

And also

[Allison Rosen]

his label maker.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't. It's good beer. But it's good thing it's good because if it's not good, what are you gonna do? Take a swig and go, Eh, my

[Dom Irrera]

little cousin, he's got.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got 12 weeks tied up into that 14 ounces. You know what are you gonna take a hit off that and go? Yeah. You know, I'm gonna go to 7 11, see what I can do.

[Dom Irrera]

Not cutting it. My little cousin made wine and put some mescaline in it for the family. Yeah. I mean nobody got like really up, but they get. They got a weird high. But nobody questioned it. I said, you're out of your mind.

[Allison Rosen]

They knew it was in there.

[Dom Irrera]

I think it was mescaline.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

It was some kind of psycho psychedelic drug.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dom Irrera]

Much, much more than alcohol would do to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I love and hate your kid.

[Dom Irrera]

He was a dealer when he was in sixth grade, this kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

What's he doing now?

[Adam Carolla]

Is Jeff's bucket story with me. He's a plumber. He's a plumber. I'm buying it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

So he said he landed on his bags.

[Dom Irrera]

How about a beer, Jeff?

[Adam Carolla]

He makes a good beer. He makes his own label. But again, blowing up in the middle of the night like I said with the Trader Joe's right up the street on Foothill.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

But you like me delineate between. That's super impressive and good for you. I could never.

[Adam Carolla]

I could and would never do it. But I'm very impressed.

[Dom Irrera]

Who do you call when it blows up?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, Hazmat or something. I don't know. I mean it explodes. It doesn't like let off a little

[Allison Rosen]

steam like Brady Bunch volcano style?

[Adam Carolla]

Many, many persons been killed that way. No, that's how Jeff's dad went. Evidently. All right, sorry. Where were we? Ah, I know where we were. Evoice. That's right. E voice, baby. Brian, you got this bad boy, right?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

I think almost all of us do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You wouldn't.

[Dom Irrera]

What is it?

[Adam Carolla]

You would not brew your own beer, but you'd definitely be down with Evoice, right?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

You can download the Evoice app to your smartphone. You can download the app.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

You can make calls off the app, by the way, like free calls off the app.

[Adam Carolla]

It is absolutely amazing. And then the thing that's great is it turns your voicemails into texts or emails and so you don't have to hear that whiny, you know, that cousin yours that's high and mescaline who's calling

[Dom Irrera]

you all the time. How would I get it?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you how. You click on the evoice banner at AdamCarolla. You click on the evoice banner, AdamCarolla.com or you go to www.evoice.com. adam. Www.evoice. adam.

[Dom Irrera]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Evoice.com Sign up. By the way. Six months free. Try it for free series. Six months.

[Dom Irrera]

Why do these people give so much? You know, what about their needs?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I say. They're trying to make money. But six months free. And again, if anyone has looked at

[Dom Irrera]

the Mayan calendar, I'm not just pandering up to them.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we're not getting past. What is it?

[Show Producer/Assistant]

November.

[Adam Carolla]

November, yeah. So you sign up now. I don't think you ever have to pay. I mean, that's it. Six months free E voice, your mobile phone at work. All right, Allison. Sorry. Where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

It's come out today that Jane's home is. The Colorado shooter sent a package to the University of Colorado Denver before the shooting. He sent it. It was addressed to one of his former professors, and he sent it before the shooting, but it wasn't found until now in the mailroom. And there's a gag order on all the people involved. So we're not going to find out for a little while exactly what was in there. But what came out, you know, before the gag order took, was that it was a letter. It matters. Mentioned shooting. There was some crude drawings involving stick figures and people shooting.

[Dom Irrera]

It was homemade beer.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Biggest crime of all.

[Allison Rosen]

So, of course, now people are like, if they had gotten the package sooner, would they. Blah, blah, blah. Could it have been prevented?

[Dom Irrera]

You can't go back on something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Dom Irrera]

Ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

And you wonder, too, like, there are little things like, obviously, he's insane. And this is. Is actually a pretty good. It's an interesting thing. If you want to claim that you're criminally insane. Send a crazy package to your professor with stick figures and things in it, and then they'll get that and that'll come up as evidence in court. Look, the guy was out of his mind when he did this. And the real question is, what do you do with young and insane? You know, the problem with these fucking criminals is these guys are in their early 20s and people live, they seem to go on in prison. They have like.

[Dom Irrera]

Mark David Chapman has a whole social life and John Lennon's been dead since 1980.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Chapman, I think got let out to go like, yeah. Hang out with his parents on their anniversary or something.

[Dom Irrera]

Unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so funny, by the way, whether, you know, it's the guy, whether it's the guy who took down the Pan Am plane over Lockerbie and took, I don't know, 270 souls or whatever it was, was, or, you know, Chapman or whoever. Look, when you're in prison for killing people, you're not allowed to say, hey, it's my cousin's bat mitzvah. Oh, why are you saying I need to be furloughed? That's part of the thing is you

[Dom Irrera]

might need a little cash.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're supposed to miss events, milestones like that. Like you're not allowed to say, it's my parents anniversary or oh, I got colon cancer, so I'm going to need to be leaving now. Like, no, you kill people and then you die in prison. You don't hang out in prison until an event comes out. Hey, I don't know if you caught it, but the Summer Olympics is right around the corner.

[Allison Rosen]

He's got an important Evite. I don't know whether to click yes or maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no. You rot in prison, that's the deal. You don't get out because there's events and does anybody feel good about. Again, whether it's Chapman or whoever. And listen, I believe Chapman obviously is insane, but the Lockerbie guy, the fact that they're all insane though, gets to go out to Libya, be welcomed like a hero on the tarmac, by the way. Hey, Libya, Jesus Christ. Is he still alive? No, he died very recently. He got a couple of years of fucking room service living in a fucking palace. What if you were the of like one of those 17 year olds that was going on some foreign exchange program that he fucking blew up and he's like. And he said, fucking heroes welcome out on the tarmac at Libya. Let's fucking bomb Libya, number one. Number two, Libby, I'll say the same thing to you that I said to the guys at the pot dispensary. People are watching. Get your shit together, would you? Jesus Christ. You look like fucking animals out there. Everyone throwing their hats up and applauding.

[Allison Rosen]

You should be an ambassador.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. I just feel like someone needs to coach up these fucking. See, look. When guys take a knee, gravity.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

What's his take me.

[Adam Carolla]

This. Grab a fucking sandal and hold on. See this chalkboard? Look, Let me show you pictures of civilized countries. This is what they look like. Can we please join them? Or at least act as if you're not supposed to. Have guys take out 747s and then applaud like they won the fucking World cup when they come back to your Libya, you. And speaking of the World cup, if a guy kicks a goal, segue. Yeah, speaking of the World cup, while we're here grabbing a sandal, if somebody by mistake kicks a goal and it goes into the wrong goal and we lose, don't execute him when he comes back, please. That's another one of those embarrassing things our countries do. Confused.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

But who do we execute?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that is. That's my point. We don't really execute.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Someone must be executed.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm trying to say. That's what I'm trying to say. And by the way, that Kufi is not a hat. I mean, not a seat. No, wait a minute. It's a hat. Just grab a sandal and listen up. Look at the dry erase board. Explain it all. All right. I'm just saying I want these guys and I don't. Here's what I don't want. I don't want them to find Jesus Christ. I don't want them writing their memoirs. I don't want them getting married. I don't want Geraldo sitting down with an exclus. One on one with them. You know, in 2018, a special one on one. Just kill him, move on.

[Dom Irrera]

So I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Give him the two I regret for

[Dom Irrera]

killing one of the Beatles. What's he gonna say? I regret what I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Kill him. Move on.

[Dom Irrera]

Like, my friend prosecuted the Sandusky trial. I grew up with one of my best friends, prosecutors. I went through that trial way before it happened. He told me, Penn State's going down a year ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah. Very interesting stuff. And, you know, we actually practice. Practiced some of the cross examinations and stuff. He would go run it by me. He even asked me about his opening statement. Like, what am I gonna do, punch it up?

[Adam Carolla]

You know?

[Dom Irrera]

But it was very interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, you sure you weren't just super drunk and at the bar at the Laugh Factory talking to a coffee.

[Dom Irrera]

Joe mcettigan's his name, and he was brilliant, even. We went to second grade together. He was one of the smartest kids in the city. But I love when they were saying, like, sandusky, he's sick. Like, who the fuck doesn't know he's sick, right? What he did to kids, obviously he's sick, and they're going, you know, I hope they do what they did to, you know, what he did to kids in prison who's gonna want to fuck that great tired ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

That's not gone at all. No, it's loose. Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

He could use some maybe homemade beer in a suppository.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'll tell you, you know, again, like, this thing of, you know, well, what do you do? Cause I do believe. I believe these people. Not Sandusky, but these other people we're speaking of. And not the Lockerbie terrorists, but these people are insane, you know, and they're. They need medication and they need whatever. They need to be killed, but they need to be killed because, sadly, we just don't have the time.

[Dom Irrera]

What are you gonna learn from this fucking guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the other. The other thing. The other thing is. You know how much money you were gonna dump into this one dude? Because he. He ain't General Pop dude. He's special wing of the prison and guarded 24 7. And when he wants to go out and play handball, he's got to be surrounded by guards and all that kind of shit. Yes. And joker makeup and everything. I just used the Tim McVeigh thing, which is he blew up bunch of people, Oklahoma City. And we did a quick trial and we killed him. And he's not writing any books. He's not getting married, he's not found. Jesus Christ. He's not preaching. And. And also for the families.

[Dom Irrera]

Do you remember the guy in Atlanta who pulled the gun out of the bailiff's holster and shot the judge? The bailiff?

[Adam Carolla]

You went to high school with him?

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah, I went to high school with him. He was the dumbest kid in my class.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see. Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

When they called him the alleged killer. We fucking saw it on television. Alleged. Right. He's the killer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dom Irrera]

Kill him.

[Adam Carolla]

Put him in with Sandusky and the Joker and let him go to town. All right. Sorry. Where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

See, everyone? Someone who's saying this is not the time to talk about guns. This is the time to talk about mental health, which, by the way, even though I've been talking about guns, I kind of agree with that. I saw a segment on the news, though, where they're like, what are the signs? How can you know? And it was the most boring, didactic, obvious shit. And it made me realize, well, no wonder the media is covering the gun thing, because that at least is juicy. And there's something to talk about these segments where, and I believe we should be talking about the problem of mental health in this country. But I don't know know how we can really talk about it in a way that's going to actually help people? Because when you think about it, this guy was surrounded by people who were pretty fucking smart and they didn't see the signs.

[Dom Irrera]

And how cunning is he to have pulled this off? Well, smart, but I mean, he's not that insane.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Dom Irrera]

Well, he's insane, but he's not that insane that he could.

[Adam Carolla]

He did this smart. And they're sort of academic smart and then sort of instinct, you know, whatever. Smart. Maybe he had a bunch of eggheads around him, but again, he was a neurotransmitter.

[Allison Rosen]

Neuroscience PhD student.

[Adam Carolla]

Eggheads. I mean, that's the point. Well, I'm smart, but they can't figure, they couldn't get laid if I dropped them off at a fucking chicken ranch. The point is they're not that kind of smart. But the first line, middle line, and last line of defense is parents. It's just the parents. It's your kids. It's your kids. And if they're disturbed, you should know it and you should know it early and often, and you've got to do something about it.

[Allison Rosen]

And what is that thing you do? Get therapy for it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here a couple things. First off, you know, the gun thing, you know, we can argue about. I'm sort of, you know, I'm on both sides of it. I'm all over the place. I don't like guns, but I understand their purpose and all that kind of stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

And he would have done something regardless.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's not forget the aforementioned Tim McVeigh managed to take out, I don't know, a couple hundred people using some fertilizer and a rider truck. So that was not a gun you

[Allison Rosen]

can take people out with.

[Adam Carolla]

Be you take them out with an airplane and a box cutter. You know, I mean, the people, everyone who died in that tower, it was go down to Home Depot across the street, buy yourself buck 99 worth of box cutter, and that's basically the weapon that took down those two towers and everybody in it and everyone in the airplane. So sometimes the weapon argument is good and sometimes it's not. But the parents, you know, this thing of. But what do we do? Like, what do the parents do? And the answer to me is something. It's like with every problem, every situation, whether it's AIDS in Africa or legal immigration or something, and everyone goes, well, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? How are we going to stop this? I don't know, but it's going to start at home and something. The process is going to begin. There's going to be. The parents are going to need to a start feeling like, like this kid when he's out and this is an adult at this point. But I'll guarantee they start showing signs. These things rear their heads pretty early, like high school and stuff. And there's cases.

[Dom Irrera]

But what about Jeffrey Dahmer? Ever see his father interviewed? Seems so fucking normal. I mean, what could lead you to that kind of craziness?

[Adam Carolla]

Look, there's plenty. First off, we'll never get rid. We're not trying to get rid of. Here's the thing, we're not going to get rid of AIDS in Africa. We're not going to get rid of illegal immigration, we're not going to get rid of illegal guns. We're not going to get rid of mental illness. We're not going to get rid of massacres and terrorists. It's never about getting rid of anything. It's a percentage game, you know, can we put a dent in it? Yes. You know, here's the thing. Every year in the United States, 30,000 people are going to die on the highways. But, but if 17,000 people die next year, that's pretty good year. You can go, Hey, 17,000 people are dead. Yeah, but it's not 30.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the right direction.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never going to be zero, ever. But if we can get it from 30 to 15 through airbags, technology, education, driver's education, we can get it from 30 down to 15. So that's, that's what I'm trying to do with these, you know, Virginia Tech and you know what on in Columbine and all that stuff. And I do believe it just begins with the parents. They have to be. They're just like with terrorism. It's not the government, it's us.

[Dom Irrera]

Honey, can I talk to you about your arsenal maybe?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, yeah. Take off your black duster and your kabuki makeup and let's Have a. Please stop piercing yourself for a second. I want to talk to you for a minute, please. I. All right, Finish to Prince Albert and then. Are you brewing your own beer? Is that your own beer? Yeah. Are you making a bomb or beer? Look at the label. All right. The fact that you've put a padlock on the basement. I can't get into my own fucking basement. I've had a load of laundry down there since 1997, by the way. I need to get to that stuff. But, yeah, we gotta talk to you about some of the stuff. You're buying sulfur on the Internet. You're buying muskets. Yeah, that's the whole thing. Like the parents. Parents need to. And yes. Are kids going to go crazy? Yes. And there's things that parents. But look, whether you're talking about joining up gangs at age 12, whether you're talking about dropping out of high school at age 15, whether you're talking about going on shooting sprees, there's a white version of this. There's a black version of this, there's a Hispanic version of this. That's the parents, but there's a version, you know, like. Like, look, the black kids, they don't go shoot up, they don't go Columbine on their ass, but they join a gang. But they're better rapists. Huh?

[Dom Irrera]

They're better rapists than the white kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Dom Irrera]

No, I mean, they're stronger and they stay hard.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm laughing because I'm uncomfortable and it's hard to get me that way. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

So many horrible jokes inside my head that I can't make the point is this.

[Adam Carolla]

There is a version of bad kid that exists in every culture and maybe every country. Country. And for some it's Columbine and some it's joining the crips. When you're 15 or 12, the parents are the last line of defense. And I want those parents held responsible. And I want them to focus on if your kid is potentially going to shoot one person or a group of people or himself or herself. It's never she. I want you to have some tools to deal with this. By the way, next. Next week, Jacob Dillon coming in. And I'm going for. I'm going to speak to Howie Mandel, by the way, in Montreal coming up. Didn't I see. We talked about seeing you in Montreal, right?

[Dom Irrera]

Oh, yeah, we've seen each other. We did club soda together.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone loves that. God damn Montreal. All right. Maybe we should bring it home. Is everyone depressed enough? But family I mean, just at home, just first line of defense. And then we'll get into what the government can do and the teachers can do in the council.

[Dom Irrera]

Thanks for bringing out the comedy, babe.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for the black rape joke.

[Dom Irrera]

Hey, come on, it's a joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Go to my PC.

[Allison Rosen]

We don't do those anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of non PC, go to my PC. They do not approve of that kind of humor, by the way. Unless, by the way, you want to get some work done. You're on the road a lot, right, Donald?

[Dom Irrera]

Yeah, sharing my gift and laughter to people of all races and creeds.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially creeds. You're on the road. You want to get to your home computer, you go use GoToMyPC, brought to you by Citrix. Turns your laptop, your iPad, your iPhone into your office or home computer or both. That's what I like. You can do multiple computers on this bad boy, connect directly to your office. You can connect to your Mac or your PC, and you can do it from home or vice versa. You can be at your office and try to get something off your home computer. You know, they're always all about the. The work computer, but I think people got computers at home that they'd like to get to as well when they're on the road, especially the folks that work from home. Wait a minute. Now I've confused myself. Anyway, try go to my PC. Free. Free. 45 days. 45 days free.

[Dom Irrera]

Another thing. Free.

[Adam Carolla]

Free for 45 days.

[Dom Irrera]

The other one, six months. This is 45 days.

[Adam Carolla]

45 days free.

[Dom Irrera]

They couldn't throw in 50 days.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I'll talk about round it up to 50, but I fear that's like a month. A month and two thirds or something. It's confusing. This is a month and a half.

[Dom Irrera]

Oh, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And by the way, keep bitching, you'll get 30 days. You want to keep going? No, I'm happy with down to 40 days. Oh, come on, now you're down to 40 days. You want to shoot for 39. Now you're a 39. Wise Acre. You want to go to 30, I'll go to 38.

[Dom Irrera]

No, no, I'm good.

[Adam Carolla]

If God is my witness, I swear I'll go to 38.

[Dom Irrera]

Take the rape joke back. I was wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

39. Oh, oh, now you're 30.

[Dom Irrera]

What do you say?

[Adam Carolla]

Keep going. You'll be at 35. Wiseacre.

[Dom Irrera]

How do I go back up?

[Adam Carolla]

You can't. You're 35. You want to keep going. I didn't think so. Now, where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think I'm ever gonna have those conversations with my kids. And I'm gonna miss that. My. I feel like as a kid, I got that conversation from every gym coach and every. Every teacher and everybody. You want to. How you have. You got four minus points, but, Mr. Wallace, you got six. You want to keep going now, why? I didn't do any. 10. You got 10 minus points. You want to keep talking, smart ass? You want to keep going? And it would just keep going, but it was perfect.

[Dom Irrera]

American Airlines did that to me. They took away something. They gave me these. What are they called? Like, when you can go all over the world?

[Allison Rosen]

Voucher.

[Dom Irrera]

No. This kind of upgrade points.

[Adam Carolla]

Magic carpet.

[Dom Irrera]

No, I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Passport.

[Dom Irrera]

No, they're. They're upgrades. But they're like. You can use them, like for Australia. No, no, they're not vouchers. They're a different kind. We have regional upgrades, system wide.

[Adam Carolla]

Upgrades system wide.

[Dom Irrera]

They gave me these, and then they took them back. So I called Lay. I said, how can you take them back? I said, you know, once you give somebody something, you take it back, and then we start getting, like, into it a little. She goes, all right, now she give me regional. She goes, now I'm taking them back. I said, said, you're punishing me. She punished me.

[Allison Rosen]

I found you in contempt of American Airlines.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, you want another £10 on your face? Keep going. I'll put that on your fucking schnoz.

[Dom Irrera]

I'll take the 45.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll put it all in your right fucking nostril. Shut up.

[Dom Irrera]

All right, I'm out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Where was I? Go to my PC. 45 days. Is that good enough for you, Dom?

[Dom Irrera]

That's a good deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Free trial only if you use the promo code Adam. Use the promo code Adam. Visit, Go to my PC, click on the tried free button. And remember, use the promo code Adam. All right, Allison. Is that it?

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Bonus episode. Me and the dreamboat, Dr. Drew. He sat in Dom's school, if you'd like to sniff it. Although Dom's probably ruined it by now.

[Allison Rosen]

It's pre sniffed.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Good, smart, shrewd. This Sunday, by the way, little bonus episode for all your hard work. And again, we give you the freebie bonus. No commercial episode, and all you do is turn a friend on to our podcast. Seems easy enough, right? You keep it all going. An evening with moi. And Dennis Prager, Houston and Phoenix up now at the itunes store and at our store as well. Almost four hours of thought provoking, word spoken, fire breathing thought. Okay, anyway, currently number one on the spoken words over there on itunes. So that is nice. And take that Henry fucking Rollins. So until next time, this is Adam kroll for Don Marrera.

[Dom Irrera]

45 days, not a bad deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison Rosen and ball Bryan saying mahalo. I'm like a hot chick who loves to suck cock. All right, that's Adam Cole show 878

[Show Producer/Assistant]

with Dom Herrera from 2012. That does it for today's girl classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Until then, I'm hollow. Get it on.

[Show Producer/Assistant]

Rest in peace, Patrick.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

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