Patrick Warburton + Pete Holmes (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Patrick Warburton + Pete Holmes (Carolla Classics)"

Release Date: March 14, 2025
Host: The Adam Carolla Show
Guests: Patrick Warburton, Pete Holmes, Allison Rosen, Dr. Bruce, Gina Grad, and Giovanni

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1. Backstage Celebrity Encounters

The episode kicks off with Allison Rosen sharing amusing backstage anecdotes involving celebrities. She recounts an encounter with Patrick Warburton backstage at a Jimmy Kimmel Live event, where Patrick humorously discusses his interactions with music legends like Brad Paisley and Bob Seger.

• Notable Quote (02:02):
  Allison Rosen: "You were sitting in a room with Brad Paisley when I walked into the room."

Patrick adds levity by sharing a wild story about playing golf with Alice Cooper and Tommy Thayer from Kiss, highlighting his laid-back approach even when faced with eccentric situations.

• Notable Quote (05:45):
  Patrick Warburton: "I didn't let that stop me. I just go climbing right upstage."

2. Public Health Discussion: Ebola vs. Influenza

A significant portion of the episode delves into a detailed discussion on Ebola and influenza, featuring insights from Dr. Bruce (Bald Brian) alongside Allison Rosen. They explore the mutation rates of Ebola, the effectiveness of vaccines, and the societal focus on less immediate threats like the flu.

• Key Points:

  • Ebola Mutations: Dr. Bruce emphasizes that Ebola has mutated more in the past six months than in the last 500,000 years, raising concerns about its transmissibility and the importance of vaccine distribution in West Africa.
  • Influenza Risks: Allison Rosen and Dr. Bruce compare public perceptions of Ebola and the flu, arguing that societal focus on Ebola may overshadow the more widespread threat posed by seasonal influenza due to lower vaccination rates.
  • Government Trust: They critique public trust in government vaccination programs, suggesting pervasive skepticism about vaccines' safety and efficacy.

• Notable Quote (16:47):
  Adam Carolla: "Can I ask a question, though, Dr. Bruce? How afraid of influenza should we be?"

3. Product Promotions and Advertisements

Throughout the episode, various products are promoted in a seamless integration with the conversation:

• Audible:
  Allison Rosen discusses her experience with Audible, promoting it as a solution for busy individuals to enjoy audiobooks without interruptions.

  • Notable Quote (11:37):
    Allison Rosen: "They send you some discs. But I realized it's like five disc and I'm not gonna listen. I'm gonna listen to them in little bits and pieces while I'm driving around."

• SmartMouth Mouthwash:
  A humorous segment where Allison shares her dependency on SmartMouth after running out, turning it into a comedic bit about realizing she’s "pumped her last pump."

• Onnit.com:
  Promotion of Onnit products like the Onnit Warrior bar and Alpha Brain, emphasizing their benefits for brain and body health.

  • Notable Quote (40:40):
    Allison Rosen: "Onnit.com Adam. You get 10% off. That's Onnit.com."

• BetOnline:
  Advertisement for BetOnline, highlighting its features for online betting enthusiasts.

4. Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Interactions

Allison Rosen and Patrick Warburton engage in light-hearted banter, sharing personal stories and humorous incidents:

• Gym Encounter Story:
  Patrick Warburton narrates an unsettling yet funny experience at the gym where a fellow member persistently flirts with his wife, prompting him to assertively put an end to the unwanted attention.

  • Notable Quote (58:18):
    Patrick Warburton: "He's going to have to put a golden rope on us and figure it out, would you please?"

• Pickup Lines and Social Dynamics:
  The conversation veers into the effectiveness and perception of pickup lines, with Allison expressing disdain for insincere attempts at flirtation.

  • Notable Quote (71:11):
    Allison Rosen: "But once you're aware that it's a pickup line, it's by definition bad."

5. Work Platforms and Technology Impact

Allison Rosen discusses the challenges of coordinating meetings and the reliability of work platforms like Monday.com, underscoring the need for efficient digital tools in today’s remote work environment.

• Notable Quote (14:43):
  Giovanni: "That's a revenue stream."

6. Legal and Entertainment News: Richard Simmons Lawsuit

The episode touches on the legal battle between Richard Simmons and the National Enquirer over defamatory claims about Simmons transitioning genders. Allison Rosen provides her perspective, critiquing the tabloid's motives and the broader implications for privacy and defamation lawsuits.

• Key Points:

  • Defamation Claims: National Enquirer accused Simmons of undergoing gender reassignment surgery, leading to Simmons suing for invasion of privacy and defamation.
  • Legal Loopholes: The tabloid motions argued that calling Simmons transgender cannot legally impute negative characteristics, a point Allison challenges by comparing Simmons to public figures like Caitlyn Jenner.

• Notable Quote (137:24):
  Allison Rosen: "If you can just sue anyone anytime over anything, then who gives a shit?"

7. Humorous Sketches and Character Impressions

Throughout the episode, the guests engage in playful skits and impersonations, adding a layer of comedic entertainment. Examples include:

• Droopy Dog Impression:
  Dr. Bruce imitates a nature documentary narrator describing a lion's behavioral dynamics, blending it with humorous interjections.

• Celebrity Parodies:
  The group creates exaggerated portrayals of celebrities and fictional characters, integrating pop culture references for comedic effect.

8. Survey Discussion: Aging and Sex Appeal

The conversation shifts to societal perceptions of aging men, referencing a survey indicating that men’s sex appeal начинает к снижению около 39 лет, transitioning into more paternal roles.

• Key Insights:

  • Perception Shift: Men over 39 are seen less as sex symbols and more as father figures, influenced by physical attributes like thinning hair and appearance changes.
  • Caveats and Exceptions: While general trends show a decline, exceptions like charismatic and successful individuals maintain their appeal beyond the average age.

• Notable Quote (161:07):
  Pete Holmes: "Exactly."

9. Closing Promotions and Final Banter

As the episode wraps up, the hosts and guests continue their trademark banter, interspersed with final product promotions and humorous exchanges, maintaining the show's lively and informal atmosphere.

• Notable Quote (168:01):
  Allison Rosen: "All right, so I got screwed over by Dr. Drew."

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Conclusion

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show, curated in the "Carolla Classics" collection, offers a blend of celebrity stories, insightful discussions on public health, engaging promotional segments, and the hosts' signature humor. Patrick Warburton and Pete Holmes, along with Allison Rosen and Dr. Bruce, create an entertaining and thought-provoking dialogue that resonates with listeners both familiar and new to the show.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Allison Rosen at [02:02]:
  "You were sitting in a room with Brad Paisley when I walked into the room."

• Adam Carolla at [16:47]:
  "Can I ask a question, though, Dr. Bruce? How afraid of influenza should we be?"

• Allison Rosen at [11:37]:
  "They send you some discs. But I realized it's like five disc and I'm not gonna listen."

• Patrick Warburton at [05:45]:
  "I didn't let that stop me. I just go climbing right upstage."

• Allison Rosen at [0711]:
  "But once you're aware that it's a pickup line, it's by definition bad."

• Pete Holmes at [137:24]:
  "Did you guys see all backgrounds?"

These highlights encapsulate the episode's dynamic range, from personal anecdotes to critical discussions, all delivered with the show's characteristic wit and candor.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics available through Podcast one premium and the ad free archives available through Adam Carolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com make sure to subscribe to get ad free archives for this show, the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Giroux show, and Adam's brand new podcast, exclusively available through his substack Be thou. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com all right, let's get into the clips coming up. First we have Adam Crillow Show, 1445. Patrick Warburton, Dr. Bruce, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2014. Check it out.

[Allison Rosen]

Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello, Adam Carolla, Walt Ryan.

[Allison Rosen]

I like eating pussy.

[Giovanni]

Tlwags wanted out with the hashtag toprup.

[Allison Rosen]

Patrick Warburton is here in the studio. Always good to see Patrick, Dr. Bruce. You know him as Dr. Spaz.

[Patrick Warburton]

How dare you.

[Allison Rosen]

Good lenses, bad frames.

[Patrick Warburton]

Here I am.

[Allison Rosen]

That's why I coined the phrase, he's going to catch us up on whatever ails us. And Patrick, I ran into backstage, Jimmy Kimmel Live a couple of weeks ago.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Good to see you again, my friend.

[Patrick Warburton]

Good to see you again. Yeah, I think he thinks I'm a stalker over there because my buddy John, who you just were talking to, always gives me a call whenever they got a good musical guest. And so Jimmy's actually caught me at his bar snagging booze and talking to his mother about him. And so at this point, the creepy factor has gotten a little high.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's just creep. I don't know if it's creepy. I think they just keep it at the creep factor. But you were sitting back there with legendary guitar player shit, what was his name?

[Patrick Warburton]

Mr. Detroit.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. Well, Seeger was playing up on stage. But you were backstage with.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, yeah, Bob and who else?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm spacing out, but it's the. What's his name? Well, David Wilde wrote a book with him.

[Giovanni]

Oh, that narrows it down.

[Allison Rosen]

These are the guys he hasn't read Paisley. Oh, Brad.

[Patrick Warburton]

Just Brad Paisley.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you were sitting in a room with Brad Paisley when I walked into the room.

[Patrick Warburton]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I was getting at.

[Patrick Warburton]

Right. Okay. Well, I was thinking, okay, I said.

[Allison Rosen]

Backstage, but I should have said back door, behind the trailer. Behind backstage. When I walked in and saw Patrick, he was sitting backstage. But not back that stage. Back the other stage with Brad Paisley.

[Patrick Warburton]

Who I've known for years too, because he. He. He's married to Kimberly, who was doing a show. They were on a stage next to us. Anyways, that's. We knew Brad back. Back before he was such a big child.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, she was doing like. According to.

[Patrick Warburton]

He was Jim. Yeah. And yes, I was working on that great show less than perfect with the great Andy Dick.

[Allison Rosen]

I was.

[Patrick Warburton]

Nobody's ever said that he'll be missed.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like has.

[Allison Rosen]

So the thing that's. Well, all right. A million things. First off, when I walked in and said hi, well, I think I went to my dressing room and then somebody said, brad wants to say hi to you or Patrick wants to say hi to you. I can't remember which word got to me first.

[Patrick Warburton]

It was Brad. He's. You know, I think it was Brad. You walked in.

[Allison Rosen]

So I just walked in to say hi. And then Brad was sitting there. And then Patrick was sitting there. And then I said. And Andy Dick was hanging off the chandelier. And I said, jew. Oh, how you doing? And then Bob Seger was playing and then I did, I think what everybody does in life, which was I said. Brad said, well, Patrick said, I'm here to see Bob Seger. And then Brad said, yeah, I just saw him practice. He wanted to know if I wanted to sit in with him. And I got immediately nervous for Brad Paisley. And I said, oh my God, that's nerve wracking. Right? And he sort of went, well, not really.

[Dr. Bruce]

How do I do?

[Allison Rosen]

And then. And then I went, oh, no, that's right, you can play guitar. Me, I have to think of it like he asked me to sit in with him and I went like in your bad dreams where you go, oh my God, I don't know how to play. What hand do I play it with? My right handed or left handed? Brad. Now, Brad would not be nervous about sitting in playing the guitar with somebody because he's a master at playing the guitar, right? Yes.

[Patrick Warburton]

Brad won't. Won't play in front of any less than 30,000. Now, I think that's. He's still the only country guy who's been on the COVID of guitar magazine, I think. Rock guitar magazine, Right.

[Allison Rosen]

So they not. And Dr. Spaz, you know, guitars, right? You collect guitars, so you probably know Brad Paisley's work. But it is weird when you graft your. Your insecurities on to somebody else. Like, oh my God, you're gonna play with Bob Seger. Oh, that must be horrible. And then it's like, no, I can play, though. I caught that almost immediately. But I started grafting onto him my own securities, by the way, my reoccurring. If I were to have one reoccurring nightmare that's not really a nightmare. It is getting up on stage to, like, jam with a band and realizing I don't know how to play this instrument, which is a version of everyone's nightmare. But this is specifically my nightmare. Like, I don't know how to do what I'm about, people think I'm about to do.

[Patrick Warburton]

I didn't let that stop me. Actually, about a month ago, I was playing in a golf tournament. You know, when I played golf in the day, during the day, I played golf. And this is. Any, you know, sicko fans like myself, you know, Wet Dream. I played golf with Alice Cooper, Alex Lifeson from Rush and Robbie Krieger. No, Robbie Krieger was in the group Doors was the day before. Yeah, no, no, Robbie's a buddy of mine. He plays in my St. Jude event. But Robbie was in the other group. The group I was in was Alice Cooper, Alex Lifeson, and then Tommy Thayer from Kiss. So then, you know, Alice goes, you gotta sing backup. When I go up and do Schools Out, I go, okay, great. So he gets up on stage. This is now. It's now six hours later, and I've had a few vodka drinks, and he starts going to Schools Out. And he hasn't said, hey, my buddy Pat's gonna come on up here and sing back up. So I don't let that stop me. I just go climbing right upstage. And it looked. I mean, security should have just tackled me because I was insane person, just climbing right up the front of the stage. And then, you know, I gave him the look, like you said, I'm doing this. And then I got up there, and I'm sure he sounded awful. But, you know, after a few drinks. You know me, after a few drinks, Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

I would comment more upon this, except for my class action lawsuit, because they said, school's out forever. And when in eighth grade, Adam Carolla heard that and said, that's it. No more. And three months later, when it was time to return, I was fucking pissed at Alice.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he said, school's out for summer. And then he went on to say, he's out forever. In which case that was that. Done and done. That I heard.

[Patrick Warburton]

I think the. I know you've probably made sport of Me a few times on this show. I never have. I'm sure you're lying, but the day.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think so.

[Patrick Warburton]

The last time I did your podcast, it was over at Lovett's Joint, right? Universal. And I had had a dinner, Alison, the night that. Earlier that evening, where I had a couple martinis. And then I show up there, and your guys, probably Matt, he. He gives me another drink or two. The next thing I know, I'm doing a show with you and I'm hammered. So I know I went off on, like, Rolling Stone for being assholes. For, like, not naming Pearl Jam one of the top 100. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

You were nominated for one of the drunkest guests on the show. I think Nick Santora may have beaten you.

[Patrick Warburton]

I called the next day, and I think I was talking to Matt, and he goes, well, well, the award used to go to the Insane Clown Posse, but you won. I go, that's just what I wanted to hear.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Patrick Warburton]

What did I say? Beat out.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. One of the Juggalos actually beat out the Insane Clown Posse. That's their fans, by the way. Patrick Warburton is here. Dr. Spaz is here. The Woman Chaser is the name of the movie just out 15 years ago. So watch it because it's still hot. Available on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon plus iTunes, Xbox, PlayStation. So it was done 15 years ago, but now it is out.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Explain that.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, there was a theatrical release, a small one, and then it was on vhs, but they didn't. It never got any farther than that. They owed a lot of money in music rights, which they had never secured. And since it's sort of an art film, it sort of fell through the cracks. But there are, you know, you know, my go to guy. And this has been Patton Oswalt. I'm a huge fan of his. I had never met Patton.

[Allison Rosen]

You never met him?

[Patrick Warburton]

Not until about six months ago. Disney's Imagineering. And I met him and he goes, I fucking love the Woman Chaser.

[Allison Rosen]

It's doing voiceover.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. Stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

He was over there doing.

[Allison Rosen]

You guys do. Must do tons of stuff combined. But you never really crossed paths.

[Patrick Warburton]

No. And we've worked on things, I think, before together. But not you always, you know, as, you know, record signals, so.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Patrick Warburton]

But he. I've always been a big fan of his. I love his perspective and humor, and so it was, you know, validating to hear that from him. But there have been a lot of, you know, folks I've bumped into in the industry throughout the years that really love this film because it's very ironic and it's funny and it's sort of an industry, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a bit of a student when it comes to films, as you probably know from talking to him, because I talked to him about my film once, and he started telling me things that I never thought of. And he said, I like the way you did. And then he said a bunch of shit I never did or thought of. But I sort of went, yeah, that's what I had in mind. I was just telling a fart joke, you know. Okay. Like he really gives it some thought. Brian, I don't know if you ever talked to Patton about movies, but he's very specific, very thoughtful about it, and he's very sort of keyed into it.

[Giovanni]

He'll pick up on references that you didn't know you made or things that harken back to films of decades ago that you may never seen.

[Allison Rosen]

And he'll lay on a bunch of stuff that you weren't even intending, but it's all positive, so you'll definitely take it. And it's the same film. It's just he sees things in it that maybe you even meant but didn't know you meant it.

[Patrick Warburton]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

But I think maybe he's operating at a slightly higher level.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes, he does that bit, too, about some of the films that he'd worked on before, whatnot. Which is very funny and is.

[Allison Rosen]

But if he says, your movie's good, that's nice. Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's why I tell people, yeah, if Patton Oswalt likes it, then you should, too. Unless you're dumb.

[Allison Rosen]

The woman Chaser. And it is out as we speak in France. All right, Dr. Bruce, you've got some stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, I forgot that was my name.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Want to get in on this Ebola business? Yeah. Not that I give a shit, because I never give a shit, because I.

[Bald Brian]

Know until some guy from Liberia wanders into your.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's what's gonna get you in life, everybody. What you're not talking about, if you're talking about it, it's not gonna get you, okay? Whatever it is, as a nation or as an individual, that you're personally, whether you're camping and you're talking about bears or you're sitting in a studio and talking about Ebola or whatever it is, if you're talking about it, it's not going to get you, because you know what it is. You've seen it way. It's like saying, I hope that train doesn't Run me over. But it's 10 miles down the track. That's not what's gonna get you. But the fucking hobo that's sleeping next to the tracks, who's coming up behind you, that's who will get you.

[Bald Brian]

So strangely enough, you're absolutely right. And what I am more worried about what being in the.

[Allison Rosen]

Hold on. Mark the time, get that drop. Yes. In life all we do is focus on things that aren't going to get us. Whatever does get us will be what we aren't focused on. Thus because we're focused on this, right?

[Bald Brian]

Influenza. People aren't getting their flu vaccines. And measles, all the morons out there look at Washington state, their epidemics now. Measles much more deadly.

[Allison Rosen]

Why Washington state? Well, that's hippies not wanting to get vaccinated.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, you know, I don't, I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Go ahead.

[Bald Brian]

Class action lawsuits.

[Patrick Warburton]

I judge.

[Bald Brian]

No, can't judge. Left wing Prius driving liberal right who.

[Allison Rosen]

Don'T think, who think that the vaccinations are bad and they're getting more whatever, Right.

[Bald Brian]

I was talking to one person, they said, well, in the vaccination is a chemical that will prevent, that will make you infertile. So I said, well, my kids are infertile. Yeah, your kids are infertile. The government is putting this chemical in all the flu vaccines.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's what, by the way, the notion that the government wants ants that pay tax. You know what I mean? Like here's the thing about the government. We are just a bunch of people that pay them. They're in the business of getting their ant farm to pay them. So this thing that's like, you know, they're holding down the blacks, they're holding down the Mexicans, they're trying to give this disease to that people. They're trying to make everyone infertile. They're trying to lock up everyone. They're trying to do this, trying to. Why are they trying to get more of their ants? Not to pay them. The only business, that's all they are, they run a fucking ant farm where the ants pay them. So all the stuff where it costs them money and they get no revenue out of that ant is counterproductive to the overall plan of the ants paying for everything. And I do understand they fuck up. And I do understand they do, historically they have fucked up, but basically in 2014 is how many of these ants can we get to pay us and how much can we get out of them? That is their plan. So when people go, you Know, they're giving this vaccine and then that render. So, okay, so let's do the big math on this. Everyone's infertile, all the ants die. You can't pay for your shit anymore. Government, that's your plan.

[Giovanni]

That's a revenue stream.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a wonderful business plan.

[Adam Carolla]

What a crazy way to disseminate their infertility drug via influenza, via people who go to the minute clinic.

[Bald Brian]

The proliferation of certain segments of the population has to be evidence that this is not succeeding. If the government's trying it. Well, say no more.

[Allison Rosen]

They would like, they want some ants to pay more than others, but the plan is everyone pays. Right. That would be nice. That's their general. That's their loose plan for the ants.

[Bald Brian]

Right. So your comment that we have more to fear from something we're not focusing on, it's our peripheral vision, that's something that's gonna get us. And so people are ignoring the flu threat and not getting vaccinated at the levels they should. And influenza is going to be a much more deadly problem.

[Allison Rosen]

We differ. We never just work big to small like what kills. We're just talking about mortality rates here. What takes more lives. So far, somebody said, which was kind of funny. I was listening to somebody on the radio, said that Kim Kardashian had married more, had more marriages than Ebola, had claimed Americans, more ex husbands than Ebola victims. Yeah. Or had more marriages. I don't know if it's three or four, whatever it is, but it's basically, that's. That's about it. And you go, all right, three. I mean, you know, lightning kills. I don't know. However many people. Dear old work platform. It's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you.

[Bald Brian]

Endless onboarding, constant IT bottlenecks.

[Dr. Bruce]

We've had enough.

[Allison Rosen]

We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new. They're called Monday.com and it was love at first. Onboarding. Their beautiful dashboards, their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine. So no hard feelings, but we're moving on. Monday.com, the first work platform you'll love to use. Well, every year, tractors turning over kill X amount of people. This falls way under that. Thus, that's however much you worry about lightning is about as much as you should worry about Ebola. Until it starts killing more people than lightning kills. That's me.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask a question, though, Dr. Bruce? How afraid of influenza should we be? Because I put that One in the category of. Oh, I don't need to worry about that. It's. It's infirm people.

[Allison Rosen]

If you're young, you don't have to. Thank you.

[Bald Brian]

It's a virus and it is a rapidly talking to.

[Allison Rosen]

Patrick, go ahead.

[Bald Brian]

You know, this is why I'm spastic. Because you interrupt me and my train of thought is derailed.

[Allison Rosen]

You got to be old or you got to be, you know, really young.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, so we. Influenza is unpredictable.

[Allison Rosen]

He's got a Mercedes now.

[Bald Brian]

He's got an Anthony.

[Allison Rosen]

He's got good stlz.

[Adam Carolla]

Another name.

[Allison Rosen]

We call him Doctor. We call him Dr. Patrick. Played golf with these guys. Yeah. Drunk. You don't remember? All right, sorry. Where were. You know. First off, little love. Audible.com a leading provider, premium digital spoken audio. And it's audio information, it's entertainment, whatever you need, it's [e-mail]. i'm listening to Bald Brian's book. What? Yeah, you know, bald. I've been working a lot. I've been very busy. I don't like making excuses, but I wanted a little time to listen to your book. Not in 42 minute pieces because I knew I was gonna. You gave me the box set. I think not the box set, but I got some DVDs.

[Giovanni]

They send you some discs.

[Allison Rosen]

Some discs. But I realized it's like five disc and I'm not gonna listen. I'm gonna listen to them in little bits and pieces while I'm driving around. And it's not really fair to do anything piecemeal. Whether it's watch a TV show or listen to a book or whatever it is.

[Giovanni]

So something that's meant to be, you know, listened to long form or enjoyed long form.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. 39 minutes at a time is probably not gonna do it justice. Then you end up and listening to the last 10 minutes that you catch up. Yes, to catch up, whatever you may turn red.

[Giovanni]

It's very complimentary of you.

[Allison Rosen]

I am about six and a half hours in.

[Giovanni]

Oh, you started already?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm way in. I'm way, way in. I went to audible.com. well, I told Matt to. And I downloaded it and I started listening this weekend. Big, long.

[Giovanni]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Fat, sweeping chunks.

[Giovanni]

Holy smokes. I'm very interested to see what you think, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Very, very much enjoying it.

[Giovanni]

Footnotes. All of this. Dawson informs me. Can I say this, Dawson? Is that all right? Informs me. As opposed as it goes to audiobooks. Both of our books are on the pre nomination list for best spoken Grammy.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

You both got my Vote today when in the mail goes in the. Oh, really? You took a rolling paper and put your initials on it and then I just kind of gave it to a pigeon. I put a cigarette out on it. You get a vote, Dawson?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, I do.

[Allison Rosen]

Shit, man, I got to treat you better. You both went to me, right? You didn't split a fucking vote, did you? You can vote for four in a category. So you both got the vote. All right, sweet.

[Giovanni]

Congratulations to you.

[Allison Rosen]

I had no idea. Well, anyway, it's good karma. Yeah, I was, you know, really, you know, to be fair. Not to be fair, but Brian's book's very good. But as far as audible.com goes, I really have not had any turds. Now this is a self selecting group of books that I want to hear. So I'm probably not going to be disappointed by the book.

[Giovanni]

You're not spinning the wheel, Justin.

[Dr. Bruce]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not going to land on 48 shades of blue and listen to some crap, but I listen to Brian's book. I'm enjoying the hell out of it. My biggest disappointment is that when I got in my car and wanted to continue listening to it with my phone, I was just walking around the house with it. I couldn't get it to play through my car system for the 20 minutes I was in the car. Anyway.

[Dr. Bruce]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

I mean, it's awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

First world problems. Anyway, they have over 150,000 titles, every genre and just tons of stuff. So all I can tell you is this. If you want to take the part of life where you have to wait in line, you have to sit on the plane, you have to go through security, the bus ride, the tram ride, whatever. Right? And you'd like to turn it into something positive. Audible.com get time back on your side. You don't have to just sit there and waste your life anymore. Just put your earbud in and listen to something decent. You can check it out for free. 30 day trial and you can start up by going to www.AudiblePodcast.com ACE. That's AudiblePodcast.com ACE. All right. So sorry, Dr. Spaz. Where were we? I'll just wake up. Wake up.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, so I don't know where were we before you were interrupting Ebola?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Whether we should worry about the flu.

[Bald Brian]

Oh yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And the flukey.

[Bald Brian]

Well, how Ebola is similar to the flu. First of all, the flu mutates so frequently when you get a new crop of viruses. It's been sitting in the pigs and the fowl and you know, Whether it's Asia or Mexico, pops out into humans and it's mutated because while it's in that population. And what I had heard about Ebola was that it doesn't mutate much. There was one quote where they said that in thousands of years, the virus mutates very little. Well, what they didn't tell you is that in the last six months, it's mutated more than in the last 500,000 years. Because it mutates when it gets in people and it mutates. There was one quote that it's trillions of times. So when it gets in people and you get infections, active infections, then that's when it mutates. So the only hope we have really is the vaccine controlling it in West Africa. And it's only been in the last six months that money's been put into what interested me. This popped up.

[Allison Rosen]

I just had this thought, we need to send Bill Belichick to West Africa.

[Giovanni]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Just fucking go out there and go, all right, everyone grab a knee.

[Giovanni]

Football.

[Allison Rosen]

What the fuck is going on around here? What year is it? I don't even know where to begin with this program.

[Giovanni]

Do you want a fiery coach or do you want Bill Belichick's, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

Very even Bill to show up and go, whatever's been working like, fire all the assistant coaches. Fire all this clean house. I don't know what the fuck is going on over here, but enough is enough.

[Bald Brian]

That's a great game.

[Allison Rosen]

We need to start a program. And let's get Belichick over there, because I feel like he's the guy who would turn that program around. Look, countries are just like programs. They have good, you know, they have some good decades, some bad decades. And, you know, this, this hundred years was okay, and then they fell off like Notre Dame. They were champions for so many years. And then they just had so many horrible years. And then they sent the right guy over there. They turned the thing around. Let's get Bill Belichick just to show up in some of these countries, just go, let's turn it around.

[Giovanni]

Would you be afraid that he's a cold weather coach? Africa wouldn't agree with him.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a dome coach.

[Gina Grad]

The weather, the.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, we'll put a dome over Africa. We'll put some turf down. We'll let him turn that program around. Really? Don't you think a guy like Bill Belichick could go over there and turn that fucking West African.

[Patrick Warburton]

You can't just send Bill. You're going to have to put A team together.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Josh McDaniels.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he's going to. We don't. We're going to have to have him, you know, pick his special teams guy, pick his offensive. Yeah, get Romeo Cornell over there. Get over there. But the point is, is somebody get the fuck over there and figure something out, would you please?

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Patrick Warburton]

After that last bit there, Doc, he's getting nervous because that was the bad news. That was the bad news. So maybe you got good news for us.

[Bald Brian]

No, but he's surprised. Surprisingly, not surprisingly. Point on, spot on with this. Because what is lacking right now is a focus. And the World Health Organization in the UN should be that focus. But we know what. The UN and World Health Organization don't always take the steps necessary. And using a political Ebola zone.

[Allison Rosen]

The UN was doomed when they picked light blue as their color.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Giovanni]

That was the beginning of the end.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the beginning of the end. Someone should have said that's not. There's no sort of. You cannot enforce nations with light blue.

[Giovanni]

It's like the Houston respects that. The Houston Oilers never really had a chance.

[Allison Rosen]

They never had a chance with that light blue. You need like, you can use a red. You can use like a charcoal, an anthracite, as Porsche would call it. You know, you need something that's a little more tough. Light blue is not really. That's neither here nor there.

[Patrick Warburton]

Like something like black.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. How's that for ucla?

[Giovanni]

Well, you know, the ultimate example.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it worked for a while.

[Giovanni]

The Jacksonville Jaguars, they came out of the gate with teal. They got them. They go nowhere.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You know what? Let's get Belichick over to Oakland on his way to Liberia. Let's give him a swing by Oakland, see if we can get that.

[Bald Brian]

What interests a lot of people. This was identified in 1976. There have been 19 outbreaks since then. Where does the thing go between outbreaks? It's dormant. It's in a population of animal. They're not really sure. They think it's in fruit bats.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

But they're not positive. That's where it. Where it's.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't care if the bats are gay or straight. I just want the story, okay? And I don't like your pejorative when it comes to.

[Bald Brian]

When did you become.

[Allison Rosen]

You would even know what their proclivities were. But continue LBGT bats.

[Bald Brian]

These are fruit. As in. As in the fruit that hangs on the low hanging fruit. The way you take jokes and abuse me. You take the low hanging fruit jokes. Make fun of Me. So it is a population of animals now. It can't be dormant in primates because they die too quickly. But why it just sits there and all of a sudden jumps to humans. This jump occurred last December and they've got it narrowed down to the person in.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the person who slept with the bat?

[Bald Brian]

No, the two year old. They think that it got blood on it from a. They hypothesize got blood on it from a fruit bat. And it's one drop of blood, one virus particle. And you can become infected with this virus.

[Allison Rosen]

Belichick's first speech is gonna be. It's 2014. You fucking guys have fruit bats where? I'm. I'm from New England area. We don't even fucking know what that is.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's work on this, people. Okay, so helmet's not a chair.

[Giovanni]

No one's spot is safe. We're all playing for a roster spot.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. Wow.

[Bald Brian]

How do you call me? Spastic for not maintaining. But with this virus, what's interesting is if you take 100 people and they are exposed to this.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, why would we do that?

[Bald Brian]

You're finding that dude, I love people.

[Allison Rosen]

That answer questions that way. That's insane. Two of these hundred people, there are.

[Bald Brian]

People that develop antibodies with no symptoms. So whether thing. It's not just the infectivity is huge with this one virus particle. And if it's a given person that's susceptible and the word susceptible, it's critical here. In other words, there are genetic factors in people. Some people will be exposed and not get the virus. So that's one of the unknowns. And how people that have gotten it, some of our healthcare workers, we really don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it just genetic or is it also your overall health when you're exposed to it?

[Bald Brian]

No, it's overall health is. This is in terms of the science of the virus particle and infectivity, that has to be some genetic factor. And in really.

[Allison Rosen]

So let's slow down for a second. When it comes to the flu, they go, look, when you're old or you're weak in a weakened state, or you're young, you're vulnerable. The flu can be very. But what you're saying here is you have to have a sort of genetic predisposition in order to conduct this. It gets a little complicated.

[Bald Brian]

Here's what's interesting is one of the ways.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that what you're saying?

[Bald Brian]

No. One of the ways this virus gets into cell is it goes. There's a protein there's something that transfers cholesterol.

[Allison Rosen]

There are five. Hold on, Doc. I sense there are five of us in this room. Do all of us have the same chance to get this?

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Patrick Warburton]

Why not?

[Bald Brian]

But it's not understood why. That's where the research is so essential.

[Allison Rosen]

But we know we don't.

[Bald Brian]

Let me give you just one example.

[Allison Rosen]

We know. We don't. We're all healthy. Well, we're all. Yeah, sorry. We're all basically saying age range and healthy, but we don't stand the same chance of getting it right. But because there's a pre. We don't know why, but we do know that exists.

[Bald Brian]

We know how it gets into cells. And there are three main ways. For instance, here's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he's agreeing with you.

[Bald Brian]

I'm agreeing with you. I wouldn't disagree because I get.

[Allison Rosen]

So there's a. Well, so then there's a predisposition. There's a genetic. Let me give you an example.

[Bald Brian]

Cholesterol's in every cell. There's a protein through which we move cholesterol into cells. That protein is one of the ways that the virus hijacks a cell. It goes on that protein. If every cell has to have cholesterol, which it does, then that's one of the sneaky ways the virus gets into cells. Some people's protein that transmits or transfers the cholesterol, which we all have to have, that protein may be different and not allowed the other way.

[Allison Rosen]

One genetic, right.

[Bald Brian]

The other thing. The other three ways are a protein in our eyes, in the conjunction. And when that protein also brings this virus into cells, the third way is most interesting. There's a cell that's the fighter cell of our body. They call it a dendritic cell. It's a type of white blood cell. And they found that this is usually the cell that goes and eats up viruses and bacteria that are threatening to us. That cell, the virus can get into, reproduce, and rather than being destroyed by it, it uses that to travel around the body and reproduce.

[Allison Rosen]

It uses that cell.

[Bald Brian]

So by studying these pathophysiology mechanisms that the virus goes around and infects people. That's how we're going to develop a.

[Allison Rosen]

But we're not. We're fine. I mean, we're not gonna. It's not gonna spread. It's just amongst us.

[Bald Brian]

In the, er. The other night, the difference between the other night and when this first started, it's. There's a tremendous awareness. I'm asking people that have KKK on their forehead, white supremacists have you been to Africa lately or have you housed any friends from Africa that traveled here? You know, in other words, you just.

[Allison Rosen]

Ask everybody all the time.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, two day old. You got to ask on the chart, have you been to West Africa or. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Or like newborns, you want to know if they've absolutely born in Redlands. You want to know if they've been to South Africa or Yucaipa. They've been to West Africa. Right. All right, so you're doing. You're on the front lines, by the.

[Giovanni]

Way, for people outside the area. Yucaipa sounds like a place in Africa.

[Allison Rosen]

It does.

[Bald Brian]

How about Rancho Cucamonga?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Rancho Cucamonga. And Soda? Yucaipa. That's right.

[Bald Brian]

But some interesting books. If you read Spillover or, you know, the other thing. Here's another interesting fact. 1989, there was a. There are five types of Ebola viruses. One of those types was kept. They were using monkeys for some research in Virginia and it became airborne. It was transferred by respiratory route from one monkey to the other. Had to kill all the monkeys. And that turned into a book by a guy named Reston. And I think it was called. Well, I can't remember.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, either way. But once it went airborne, they had to kill all the monkeys.

[Bald Brian]

That were the concern is that with all of these, you know, all these changes in the virus that can occur, the mutations that. And it's not to scare people, it's to encourage people, the government, to put more money into research.

[Allison Rosen]

Is there anything that we're doing? You know, because I always. The great Dr. Drew always says no free lunches in nature.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And I mean start, pardon the pun, monkeying around with things. Things mutate, go another direction, but you just can't get that free lunch. Can you trace this to anything that we've been doing as human beings? No.

[Adam Carolla]

His fault is this.

[Allison Rosen]

I want to blame somebody.

[Bald Brian]

It's no fault.

[Allison Rosen]

One of the bushes would be nice. I'll trace this back to one of the bushes.

[Bald Brian]

Number 43. I'm sure it's his fault.

[Allison Rosen]

Who's done this to us?

[Bald Brian]

It's not a. This is not a product of any modern. You know, the green movement would have not have prevented it. Nor driving in more Priuses.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Bald Brian]

Maybe more AMGs.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, Doc, I gotta ask you.

[Patrick Warburton]

Have you heard of a book called Stage 4 Virus Hunters of the CDC? It's an older book. It's, I think from like the 80s or.

[Bald Brian]

No, but that would be a fascinating.

[Allison Rosen]

Book to read because that's what. Did they have a custom van? Because I may be familiar with it. Or Shan Carpenter.

[Patrick Warburton]

It's a female and male doctor who both have been in West Africa. They were at the forefront when some of the first Ebola outbreaks took place.

[Giovanni]

Nonfiction.

[Patrick Warburton]

Legionnaires and all that. Nonfiction. Yeah. Wow. So. But it seems, from what I've read, is that I guess now, and the reason that there's a higher, you know, rate of infectivity. Well, or. But, you know, of surviving the virus is not because it becomes cured, but you just. I guess doctors help make patients their own immune system as robust and healthy as they can to sort of outlast, endure the virus until the virus, like, goes away or.

[Bald Brian]

No, I don't know. I mean, in this country, first of all, you have. They talk about this 21 day incubation period. It takes anywhere from up to 21 days to get sick. And then you have a few days opportunity to give people fluids, oxygen, supportive care. And in the United States, that's what we're hearing. Great survival rates because they're getting care right away. And it's usually shock and dehydration that leads to liver and kidney failure that kills these people. One thing you're bringing up, I just wanted to mention the. Well, anyway. So did I answer your question inadequately?

[Allison Rosen]

No. That's very spastic of you.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I've got to do something spastic, Eric.

[Patrick Warburton]

If they can make a patient healthier or hydrate them while they have the virus early on, early on, then is there something they also do to help kill the virus in them or do they just kind of outlast the virus?

[Bald Brian]

They will outlast the virus. And that's what's happening here. And interestingly, though, with influenza we were talking about before, the 1918 flu epidemic killed people in their 20s, mostly with very strong immune system. So the other thing the virus can do is stimulate an extremely aggressive immune response in your body, and that immune response kills you. That's what happened in the 19.

[Allison Rosen]

The viruses are very shrewd, very interesting. So it killed younger, stronger people because they had a stronger immune system that attacked itself for the first time.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm now actually worried about Ebola.

[Bald Brian]

No, don't be worried.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Dr. Bruce.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't be worried about it.

[Bald Brian]

But here's another thing. In that lab in western Virginia where those monkeys died, the book was Hot Zone, by the way, it's a great book. It was published in 1994. In that lab, the lab workers developed positive antibodies to this Type of Ebola. So how did they get exposed to it?

[Allison Rosen]

Through the air.

[Bald Brian]

They didn't get sick though, because it was a less virulent strain. So if you mix that strain with the Ebola Zaire strain, which is the current problem strain, this virus doesn't have much mutating to do. It could become airborne. Then you'd have a real problem.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. So airborne's the airborne's around this country.

[Bald Brian]

People ask me, good grief, it's unlikely. And I am in support of travel restriction and some form of quarantine. And I think there are a lot of dilettante doctors.

[Allison Rosen]

They're great. Why we are the most uptight people on the planet. Which is like, somebody goes to West Africa, their roommate gets it, they come here and then it's like, we're gonna quarantine you for 21 days. And everyone's like, this is an outrage. And it's like it's three weeks. I mean, you know, I'm not in for the knee jerk reaction thing on the other hand, but what's wrong with travel restrictions? Or she's got to ride her bike.

[Bald Brian]

You tell doctors to self monitor and they're going bowling and taking the A train. Come on, give me a break. You can't trust.

[Allison Rosen]

I agree. It's not, I mean, the ask compared to. I mean, I get that you go, well, you're punishing these people that are trying to do well. First off, when you put yourself, it's sort of like this, sadly, but. But when people sign up for the military during times when there's no war, they sign up and they go, look, this is cool. They'll pay for my college, they'll pay me. They'll give me some vocational training, they'll do this, that and the other. And then three years in, a war breaks out and everyone goes, hey, this is unfair. It's sort of like, well, the reason we let you sign up and the reason we, by the way, if you do get breaks on loans, housing loans, and medical and educational loans and things like that, is so that if a war does break out, we do have some folks that can go over there and do our bidding for us. So your argument is like, hey, I signed up for this shit. I wanted to get all the free shit, but I didn't really feel like doing the war shit. Well, every once in a while your timing is off and a war does break out and shit does happen. And if you are in a position where you're going to travel abroad and take care of these people, that's awesome of you, but you're also sort of putting yourself in a place where you could take a three week quarantine when you come back from that place. Not like somebody got you in a headlock when you're in your senior year of high school and dragged you to West Africa. This is you signing up to do this. Which I think by the way should, should be applauded. I do. But understand it also might, there's also potential of three weeks when you come back stateside of hanging out in the tent and watching cable but not satellite. Right.

[Bald Brian]

There may be, there may need to be a more reasonable restriction. But these people are going out on their bicycles and hiring attorneys and suing whoever. It's, it's a little bit being a dilettante and being.

[Allison Rosen]

And why is it now, I don't know what, whatever the, whatever the subject is, but whenever we go, you put in travel quarantines or you put in travel restrictions or you beef up the border. Whatever it is you beef up, it's only gonna be more of it. It's a weird thing where you go, it's gonna make it worse if you do this. Right. I'm not sure. I don't know all of that argument. I know, not going that way, but coming this way.

[Adam Carolla]

The argument is that if you put a travel ban on it, then people are going to find circuitous ways to get back and then we won't know, oh, this person who appears to have come in from this country actually came in from Africa. And we don't know that.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's sort of like saying, Right, but it's sort of like saying we can't do our job.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Like if you say we'll put this front door, you know, we own a restaurant, we're going to put a front door on it and we're not going to have homeless guys come in the front door. And then you go, well that'll just have homeless guys coming in through the chimney. And it's like, well that's up to us to kind of guard our doors and our chimneys, like figure it out.

[Bald Brian]

If a simple minded person like myself can find inconsistencies in the experts arguments, for instance. Well, it's very hard to catch. But we don't really know how some of these people have caught it. And if not everyone has the same susceptibility. If there's a genetic factor. You don't hear them talking about that. In other words. No, these guys may have been exposed. Yeah, you've been exposed in A different way that we don't know about. That's why one person had it. They'll say, well, not everybody got it. And people that lived with this guy Duncan didn't catch it. Well, maybe they have this genetic protection that other people don't.

[Allison Rosen]

So there.

[Bald Brian]

I'm not saying everyone needs a 21 day, but there needs to be more. There needs to be a real leadership and admission of. We don't know a lot about the potential for.

[Allison Rosen]

But meanwhile, again, whatever it is you're looking at, it's not going to kill you. Something else will.

[Bald Brian]

Not in the E.R.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably always know. Always know that. All right, Dr. Spaz, you want to hang in? And Patrick, hang in. And I'm going to. What's going on in the er? Anything interesting? Anything good? Pull any rebar out of anybody?

[Bald Brian]

No, just, you know, a couple gunshot wounds and a lot of flu. A lot of kids vomiting and diarrhea and just the usual boring. But, you know, serving mankind. That's it. You know what you do. No, seriously, as a physician, it's an honor.

[Allison Rosen]

I couldn't imagine working the er. That just sounds so fucking depressing to me. But again, you'd be an orthopedic surgeon.

[Bald Brian]

That's what you'd be.

[Allison Rosen]

I think that must be offset by doing great work, right? I mean, like helping people.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

The depression part. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And I'm doing addiction medicine. Halftime again.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, okay. All right, Great.

[Bald Brian]

Great balance.

[Allison Rosen]

Ah. I'll tell you something you guys should get addicted to. On it, baby. O N N I T love these guys, man. They got. Howie Mandel was in here eating the Onit Warrior bar, the buffalo meat. 14 grams of protein, 140 calories, no MSG, soy, lactose, antibiotics, nitrates. I actually just had one of the hemp bars this morning for breakfast. I got the MCT oil. This is Dr. Drew's going nuts about. Actually, I squirted some of this in my coffee this morning as well. 100% pure coconut oil. Super healthy stuff, Alpha brain, all the good stuff, really high end stuff. And good for what ails you. And take care of your brain, take care of your body. Go to onnit.com Adam. You get 10% off. That's O N N-I-T.com Adam. And you can save up to 10% and they have everything. So go there and take care of [e-mail] all right, us. Second show in Portland. First show sold out. Second show in Seattle. First show sold out. But I still think you could probably get some Tickets for the second show. And we're doing some stuff at the anaheim Grove. That's December 11th. And Agora Hills, San Jose, Sacramento. That's me coming up next weekend. And that's coming up well this weekend, really. That's the 8th of November, two shows. So come on out, say hi. And what else are we dealing with? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Fun fact about the Grove of Anaheim, if that's the club I think it is, that used to be called something else. That is where I met my accidentally white supremacist, short lived boyfriend.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I saw the plaque, but I did not. I didn't take time to really study it. At the time.

[Adam Carolla]

My band was playing there, a festival there, and he was working backstage. That's where it all happened. And that's where I was too drunk to accurately assess what was going on. So I saw his tattoos and then went out one more time with him.

[Giovanni]

He loves lightning.

[Adam Carolla]

Tigers.

[Allison Rosen]

I only take the hood off for one thing, baby. So you're playing now? That is. Yeah, that's the Grove. It must be.

[Adam Carolla]

What was the festival theater?

[Allison Rosen]

We'll figure it out. What was the festival? It was.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember the name of it. I don't know that they did it more than one year. It was like some sort of action sports.

[Giovanni]

Black Jews Get Out 2012.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly. It was a rally of sorts. Remember when action sports and lifestyle branding was. Was such a big buzzword? I mean, it still is, but this was sort of. It was after the Warp tour, but when everyone was all about ramps and snowboarding and all of that. So I think that I feel like there was something to do with that. And it was. And there were a lot of bands that played and it was a daytime thing.

[Allison Rosen]

We. Tinseltown, the Sun.

[Adam Carolla]

So it was theater. This is that place then it's a big theater, if I remember correctly.

[Allison Rosen]

It's one of those things. It's another one of our first world problems why everyone else is fighting Ebola. We're building ramps to figure out ways to hurt ourselves. We're the only. We're one of the few countries that is so bored with health that we just come up with stuff to hurt ourselves. Like, what can we do? Bungee jumping or big air ramps? Like, whoa, whoa, hey. You think you'd do a flip on a snowmobile? Like, I don't know, but I'll try. Other countries aren't into that because they're just into surviving. We're actually fucking ourselves up. I'm trying to think of what country actively Tries to fuck themselves up like in Mexico, it's just going to the mailbox.

[Patrick Warburton]

We're not using, we're not using half pipes anymore. You remember when you're 20 years old, you don't get hurt, right? You don't get hurt.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but what I'm saying is in West Africa, I don't think they're looking for ways to hurt themselves.

[Giovanni]

Quite the opposite problem.

[Patrick Warburton]

You don't have to.

[Allison Rosen]

That's my point. We are looking for ways to hurt ourselves in this country. Our sports, our pastimes, our activities are like, you take a look at like X Games. All this stuff is basically tailor made to hurt yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think it harkens back to a time when we lived among a lot of dangers and that we need that?

[Patrick Warburton]

No, we're bored if you think.

[Adam Carolla]

It.

[Allison Rosen]

Comes up once a week. We, our brains are wired for sort of escaping danger. But we have done this thing where we've eliminated danger. So we put 100 airbags in every car. Everything is completely and utterly safe. So now we sit around and our brain is going, how do we escape danger when there is no danger? And then we go get some plywood, we're building a ramp. I'll show you danger.

[Patrick Warburton]

You are safer getting on a snowmobile and doing a triple back flip and landing than you are getting in your car car and driving down the 405 freeway. That's a fact.

[Allison Rosen]

That is a fact. That's a statistical fact.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, because you're landing in the snow. It's not a big deal.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah. No, Patrick knows.

[Patrick Warburton]

My dad is a doctor. He's an orthopedic surgeon. So I know, I know these things.

[Allison Rosen]

What does your dad do?

[Patrick Warburton]

He's an orthopedic surgeon.

[Allison Rosen]

What does your dad do? He's an orthopedic surgeon.

[Patrick Warburton]

He's an orthopedic surgeon.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Bald Brian]

They're immune to other people's pain too, aren't they?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, each one needs to have an.

[Bald Brian]

Arm broken once a year so they remember. Yeah, they patient screaming I'm sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

Your dad really is an orthopedic surgeon. Now wait, didn't you grow up, you grew up out here, right?

[Patrick Warburton]

Huntington Beach? Yeah, yeah, down south. And this is back. And you got your, and I was down there when you got your start with Kroc back then.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Was Rachel Donahue there back then?

[Allison Rosen]

She was on Klos. I do believe now we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to figure it out. Or maybe she was at Kreck, but we're talking about a female DJ back when DJ was something. Wait a minute. Dawson. Yeah, boss? Now, what went on? Did we get nominated for something? You were nominated to be nominated. Aha. First list, round one and battle balloting, and then everybody votes, and then they take the vote and then nominations will come out. There are only 139 audiobooks up for the spoken word category.

[Giovanni]

Top 139.

[Allison Rosen]

Every other category. Elite 139.

[Patrick Warburton]

Doc, going back to when these two authors over here were jerking each other.

[Allison Rosen]

Out.

[Patrick Warburton]

I wrote a book.

[Adam Carolla]

If Dawson could vote for four, I would like to know who the other two are.

[Allison Rosen]

I only voted for two. You should only vote with four. What? You're supposed to only vote for what you're familiar with and only in the categories and what you work for. So, you know, I only do.

[Bald Brian]

Maybe we could write a book.

[Patrick Warburton]

We can.

[Bald Brian]

While they're talking and then submit.

[Patrick Warburton]

It takes about two hours. Two hours and 45 minutes to put a book on audio 139.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. And what do they get it down to?

[Patrick Warburton]

Sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

I think they get it down to five nominees. All right.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So statistically, one of us are not going to be nominated.

[Giovanni]

We have a very small chance, if.

[Allison Rosen]

Anybody has a chance. I think you do. I don't know. I think I got. I think we got. Wait a minute.

[Gina Grad]

You too?

[Allison Rosen]

I went through this before. I think I got nominated or down to this thing at some point. And another book. Well, I remember last year I looked. What the last time for in 50 years? I looked for the audiobook. And you got snubbed. You weren't even on the list. How dare they.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, how many times you've been on O'Reilly?

[Patrick Warburton]

That's enough.

[Allison Rosen]

So this time I was happy. That's right. You lose a vote every time you go on O'Reilly.

[Patrick Warburton]

You know, I was. I was. I was a patriot on O'Reilly not long ago.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you were a patriot?

[Patrick Warburton]

I was a patriot, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

He has pinheads and patriots and he has patriots.

[Patrick Warburton]

Bill Cosby was the pinhead and I was a patriot. I had.

[Allison Rosen]

What did Bill Cosby do? And then what did you do?

[Patrick Warburton]

I don't remember what Bill Cosby did, but what did you do? But I was. Well, I was being interviewed about something else. And then this is actually a couple years ago, this was when on Family Guy, they had Sarah Palin's kid was on the show. And so then somebody had asked me, well, did you think that was offensive? I go, yeah, I thought it was offensive. And so that Immediately ended up in, like, the Washington Post, I guess. Cause I'm on the show and I found it offensive. And then I remember talking to my publicist saying that nothing will happen with this, right? And she says, no. And then the next day, Bill O'Reilly's calling me a patriot for going to Sarah Palin's defense. And then I had to write a letter then and say, well, you're defending your kid, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Yeah. So I write a letter.

[Patrick Warburton]

I write a letter to the Post, and I go, there it is. I go, yeah. I go, wow, that was fast.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

No, I wasn't going to Sarah Palin's defense because she's a politician and adult and she can defend herself. I said what I found offensive was the depiction of a specific special needs child who can't. And that goes against the norms of satire. But I go, I don't want to be a hypocrite because I'm on the show and half of what I do is offensive. But I was asked and I just said that. So then that goes into the Washington Post. Warburton wants nothing to do with O'Reilly's pat on the back. And this whole thing became the biggest, stupidest thing. And it didn't mean anything. It really didn't mean anything.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? Oh, there it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Patrick Warburton wants no part of Bill O'Reilly's Patriot game.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Patrick Warburton]

These guys are good.

[Adam Carolla]

So did they de patriot you?

[Patrick Warburton]

No, I think, you know, things just come in and out every day. So there is no.

[Bald Brian]

Did Rachel Maddow ever get hold of you? Taken off her hit list?

[Adam Carolla]

When did you become so politicized, Bruce? What's going on?

[Bald Brian]

You know, you just haven't plumbed the depths of my achievement.

[Adam Carolla]

It's true.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta go work. The ER where he works, I think, is what goes on.

[Bald Brian]

It's Fontucky or Fontijuana.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Fontana. Are you really in Fontana and Marino.

[Bald Brian]

Valley doing addiction meds? Come on. I'm the doctor. That's the true missionary.

[Giovanni]

Speaking of which, Bruce, did you ever see the documentary Code Black? The one about the emergency room?

[Bald Brian]

No. You know, I'm the real thing.

[Patrick Warburton]

I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't watch it every day. Of course you haven't.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you hate shit? Grey's Anatomy.

[Bald Brian]

I can't watch medical shows. They make me nervous.

[Patrick Warburton]

My dad was like that. He'd come home and he goes, my whole serious. All day long, I want to come home and relax and watch the nanny. That's what he would watch. He loved that Fran Drescher. Loved her.

[Bald Brian]

Well, Walking Dead or Breaking Bad.

[Allison Rosen]

That's my speech. All right, we'll do a little news in just one second. Second, smart mouth. I'm out of smart mouth. I pumped my last pump of smartmouth.

[Patrick Warburton]

I'm going to bring mine in for you tomorrow.

[Allison Rosen]

Boss, please, please. I was this close, like an alcoholic. I realized that I'd pumped the smart mouth mouthwash. And though it was all out, I still rattled it around. And there was a little spittle at the bottom and I started to unscrew it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny, if you were so addicted to mouthwash, you used alcohol instead.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that would be very ironic. I was thinking of unscrewing it and like doing the Ugh. And I thought, no, now I just threw up in my mouth. You're look down, see your kids watching you, and you realize you bottomed out. I just need more of this smart mouth business. I brush my teeth with it. I'm telling you, this is the thing. Put a few squirts in your mouth, then put your electric toothbrush in your mouth and make the mouth the all encompassing smart mout. Jacuzzi in your mouth.

[Giovanni]

Well, that pulls you aside. One night, she's like, let me smell your breath.

[Allison Rosen]

I knew. Minty, minty, minty. Again, I wasn't driving. I'm just watching the ball game. Yep, it is smart mouth. 12 hours this stuff lasts for. Good for what else? Yes, smart mouth. You can get it in the green box. CVS Pharmacy.

[Patrick Warburton]

Smart mouth.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's what I. I'm just gonna.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I wanna hear. Yeah, mouth Jacuzzi. The mouth Jacuzzi. The smart mouth Jacuzzi.

[Patrick Warburton]

Come on in a swim, smart mouth. Swim in my mouth.

[Allison Rosen]

You can go to the pharmacy, you can go wherever you shop. You can get smart mouth. That's what I love. All right, Patrick, should we do a little news, by the way, with Allison Rosen? Yeah, the news with Allison Rosen.

[Dr. Bruce]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off.

[Dr. Bruce]

Was it because it's Allison?

[Allison Rosen]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, I'd like to start off with a Germany or Florida. And I didn't give any warning to whoever plays that, but that'll be okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Which godforsaken land is a fucked up story from? Let's play Germany or Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

Trying to hide my paper. No one look at this, because this Will say where it's from. Yes. Everyone gets to guess. Okay. A mother came up with an unusual tactic to allegedly steal from a pharmacy. The woman distracted the staff at the pharmacy by lifting up her top and squirting her breast milk at them. By the way, I'm changing words, so don't. You can't really read into what I'm saying. And I mean, not changing words, but leaving out anything that would indicate where this is from. And she then rummaged around the counter display and went to the cash register, and she stole stuff by distracting everyone by squirting people with her breast milk. So where did this happen?

[Allison Rosen]

Florida feels. This feels German and Floridian, which is hence why we're playing the game. Yeah, I'm gonna say Florida as well, Brian.

[Giovanni]

Just to be different. I'll say Germany.

[Allison Rosen]

And Dr. Spaz. Florida.

[Bald Brian]

No one would pay attention to breasts in New York.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Interesting.

[Patrick Warburton]

And I think, too, because Florida. There's a big OxyContin problem down there.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

You know, and, yeah, I'll bet in.

[Giovanni]

Germany, there's a kind of regulation where they don't quite have the same stuff at pharmacies.

[Allison Rosen]

My policy is, if some chick lifts her top and starts squirting breast milk at me, I'm like, baby, I'm gonna fire something white right back at you. But give me a minute. Give me a minute. Cause I'm digging this, but it's gonna still. I was not prepared, obviously, and it's going to take a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I can read.

[Allison Rosen]

What? Her.

[Adam Carolla]

I can read her description to you. You can figure out how many minutes it would take you. She was described. Okay, so everyone's already put in their vote, though, right?

[Giovanni]

I'm the only Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

She was described as having a robust figure, long, dark hair tied into a ponytail.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, Germany.

[Giovanni]

Robust and rummaged are European ish words to me. So I'm stuck with Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm gonna tell you guys where it was. It was central Germany.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Darmstadt.

[Patrick Warburton]

So there's no OxyContin problem in Florida.

[Allison Rosen]

We did a man show bit where Jimmy and I raced to see who was first and not with your feet. We went in our own separate rooms at a clinic. And who won? Well, there's a little controversy.

[Giovanni]

Adam's victory is tainted.

[Allison Rosen]

I won. I won. But I came out and sort of, you know, rung the bell without really putting myself back together, Whereas Jimmy.

[Adam Carolla]

Pants wise.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Or just anything wise. I just sort of. I finished. I rang the bell, Jimmy finished, put himself back together, and then came out. And it was about five or six seconds later. So if you would have factored in the put yourself back together time, it could have been like.

[Adam Carolla]

Was your junk flopping around?

[Allison Rosen]

Sadly, it doesn't really flop. Like saying like, after you get a short haircut, was your hair blowing in the breeze? Like. Not really.

[Adam Carolla]

But what I'm saying is that not putting yourself back together. You mean like you came out with your underwear around your ankles?

[Allison Rosen]

I may have. I pulled up. There were cameras and people about, so I think I just pulled up my underpants and came out of the room is how I came out. And then Jimmy came out moments later. So, you know, look, a win's a win. I'll take the win any way I can.

[Bald Brian]

He's more politically correct. That's all that tells me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he just wanted to put himself back together. But it only. I think the time was only like 2 minutes, 41 seconds or something. Something insane like that. Yeah. And that's with the, you know, a host of people standing around. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

It's interesting to take pride in being able to do that really fast.

[Bald Brian]

No performance anxiety there. Amazing.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll tell you my greatest. I was going to say on my tombstone. I was laughing because I think I was telling Matt Fondelier. It was either that or my wife the other day that I figured out what I wanted on my tombstone, which is, you're all on your fucking own now. Enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like the note you're gonna leave for your wife in the same deposit box, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You're all on your fucking own now. Now fucking have fun bumping into each other, you assholes. Leave me the fuck alone. You no longer can count on me to do anything. You're fucking on your own.

[Giovanni]

He'll be missed.

[Allison Rosen]

Enjoy. Wow. But I think I told her I wanted that in my tombstone. But the.

[Bald Brian]

You can't remember if it was Matt or your wife. You said something like that. Sensitive.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I don't know. You can ask Fonda. Maybe I said it to final there. I can't remember. But either way. No, it is. It's not the kind of thing you want to. You take a ton of pride in. But I think once for guys, you can turn anything into a competition, right?

[Patrick Warburton]

You're asking me?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Yes.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, guys are idiots. I mean, they'll necessarily. Anything.

[Allison Rosen]

We are super competitive and that's. It gets the bridges built as well. But it.

[Patrick Warburton]

But there are those, you know, you could take it and you instill in one form or another, make it an intellectual, you know, have fun. It's a challenge. Nobody's getting hurt. I have to ask your opinion about something because this is fresh. This happened three days ago. And just please, if you could just please, any of you gentlemen or Alison, tell me what you. I'm in the gym, and this is Golds and Thousand Oaks three days ago with my wife. And we're both on the elliptical machine, and there's ten elliptical machines, empty. We're right next to each other. And this guy, about 65, 70 years old, but this is. This guy's big. This is a guy who bathes in an entire bottle of Androgel every day. I'm not knocking Androgel. I use the shit myself. But this is a guy who's got major testosterone. And he walks up to my wife and he goes, you don't want to do that. You're going to get all sweaty. And he's smiling. This is his pickup line.

[Allison Rosen]

And I'm right there right next to you.

[Patrick Warburton]

She's right. And she looks at me with this look on her face like, wow, this is happening. And she goes, no, I wouldn't do that. It would. He doesn't like that. Is that your boyfriend? He's like my husband. And he looks at me, goes, oh, you're her husband. And he doesn't deserve an answer, right? He doesn't. So I just look at him and kind of smile, right? And he leaves. So I'm in the gym now. This is the same fucking gym. I'm in the gym. And he walks by, and I go, no big deal. Everybody hits on her, you know? I go, you know? Yeah, she gets hit on all the time. And he walks by, oh, I wonder why. Huh? That's what he says. He says, I wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

What does that mean?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know what that.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, because he thinks she's attractive. So right off the bat, it's a weird answer. I know I've got myself a catch, because this guy really likes.

[Giovanni]

He validates your marriage.

[Patrick Warburton]

I'm trying to be, you know? So I bump into my wife, she's working out on a machine, and I walk up to her and I go, yeah, yeah. I just told him. I go, yeah, Everybody hits on her. She goes, oh, is that before or after? He came up to me and asked me again, and at this point I'm like, wow, this is really creepy. He walked up to her while I'm still in the gym, because he was not satisfied with that answer and said, is that really your husband? She goes, that's really? My husband, he goes, oh, you're breaking my heart. Now I'm probably standing 20ft away at this time, but I'm not paying attention, right? So he leaves now. Well, now he's gone. Now I haven't been this riled up since I was like a 20 year old. And I'm at home, I'm talking to my son and I go, talon, I know your mother says, why are you like intimidated by a 70 year old guy? Or why are you threatened by. I go, I'm not. It's one. It's so disrespectful and it's beyond clueless. It's creepy because then he went up to you again, whether he liked my answer or not. And so I tell my son, I go, I know it's not evolved or this or that, but I want to break this whole thing down for him, you know, like his stupidity, you know. But I know that this is a guy who would only get physical because he can't on an intellectual level, he has, you know, he doesn't have the capacity to say, oh, I really am, I'm just. He's a pit bull who looks at anything he wants to hump and just walks out. He doesn't see anything peripherally.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Patrick Warburton]

It's kinda like a bully. It's like you don't clue into anything but just, you know, And I know I'm gonna, I have to talk to this guy because. But it's not gonna go anywhere, right? He's just gonna see it as a threat and want to get physical.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. These guys. Well, as I say to everyone all the time, aren't you incredibly surprised how dumb adults are? Like, as a kid, did you have any idea how dumb adults would be? When you were nine, did you have any idea? Like to me, if you're an adult, you're just smart, whatever you did, you're a doctor, you're a lawyer, you're an engineer, whatever it is you did, you were the best. You were an adult, you were authoritative and that was that. Especially males like my friends, dads. Like those guys were the smart guys, they were the professionals. They were there no idea that this many adults would be this fucking stupid just in life, like know this little about life, get to this relatively advanced age, you know, people that I'm talking to that are well into their 40s and beyond, who don't know fucking thing about life, like they've successfully sailed through the first half and beyond of their life and they don't know shit. They don't know shit about how to communicate with other people. They don't know how to communicate with their spouse. They don't know how to communicate with people. The gym cops, authority figures, their children, whatever. They have their like weird superstitions that where you have to explain them. No, that's not. Why would that make sense? You know, why would you even think that way? And they're like, well, I just gotta. Whatever it is. How dumb are most people? And forget about, forget about conjugating verbs. They don't know life. They don't know life.

[Patrick Warburton]

Just zero percent, zero sensitivity, zero intuition, zero.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. They cannot feel themselves in space. I had a conversation last night where I ran in. I was at a Halloween party over at Jimmy's cousin Sal's house and I ran into a guy who works as one of. Oh, that's me. Well, that's me and Jimmy. I copped out and just wore my fire suit. I was like, fuck it, I got a costume. I don't care. That's. Sure. So I was talking it. I was talking to this guy like named Gary Greenberg. He's one of. I think he's come on the show. Actually, we have Gary anyways, Jimmy's head writer. He's just one of those guys you love. He's just that guy, you know, the guy where you go, I wish I had more time to talk to this guy. I wish we hung out more. I wish there was more to just, you know, he's a great guy, he's a smart guy, his wife's great, he's great, everything's great. And you only get to see him once or twice a year. And it's during those periods where you go, fuck, I wish I had more time to talk to Gary. And I had that third person that I did not want involved with the conversation. And I basically did that move where I kept creeping in. Oh yeah, he was on the radio show in 06. Gary. Yeah, children's book, I think, if I recall. Anyway, I kept doing that move where I was like the sun setting where it was three guys. Gary on one side, the other guy on the other side and me in the middle. And I kept doing this thing like a dome closing in very slow motion where I kept inching my back toward the other guy because I didn't want this three. I didn't want a three way conversation. I wanted a two way conversation. @ a certain point I completely had my back to this guy and was talking to Gary, but the guy would not disengage. He would not. I Boxed him out completely. You guys have all done this. That conversation where you've completely boxed out the third person. And that third person does not break off. They still will just stand there and you can feel them and you can kind of every once in a while you make it cynical. Yes. You'll make some sort of move where you like go, oh, it's over at the bar. Something. You'll just sort of look over your shoulder and they're sitting, they're right there, they're right up on you. They're not going anywhere. And then you go right back to boxing them completely out of the conversation. They've not picked up on this posture whatsoever and have not moved. And by the way, the guy did not move for 20 minutes. And then at some point chimed in, wait.

[Adam Carolla]

But behind not the point of the story, but who is this person that you don't want part of your conversation?

[Allison Rosen]

It was Melrose Larry Greene. But it wasn't that I have anything against Melrose Larry. It's that I rarely get a chance to talk to Gary and I was so sort of excited about, oh, we get 10 minutes to talk and then there's this third person that I don't want, I don't want to turn it into a three way. I want a two way with Gary. It's been a long time. I want to get caught up on what he's working on and up to. And head writer over at Kimmel's show, blah, blah, blah.

[Patrick Warburton]

I don't think we're lumping in poor Melrose Larry Greene with this idiot asshole in the Jehovah.

[Allison Rosen]

No. Oh, sorry, no.

[Patrick Warburton]

What you're saying is I shouldn't, I can't go up to him and go, listen, listen. So listen, I know you had that line, what was it again? Oh, you don't want to do that. You're going to get all sweaty. And you had that in your back pocket for months now and you were.

[Allison Rosen]

So excited to use it. Right.

[Patrick Warburton]

And then you saw my wife right next to her husband with, by the way, an empty row of ellipticals and just decided, this is where I'm going to try this magic out. You don't want to do that. You're going to get all sweaty. So, so then you decided you weren't happy. You just weren't sure with our answer. All you knew at that point was that she didn't want to talk to you. And so then you approached her again. At what point? Because I know you've got the mental capacity of a mule. He's just going to, you know, it makes no sense.

[Allison Rosen]

Has anybody had any success circling around and going for flyby number two on the pickup where they were shot down on the first attempt? I don't think it's ever. It only works in movies, by the way, which, by the way, like, you know, they do that thing in movies where they're like, well, they shouldn't show people smoking because it sends the wrong message. They shouldn't show people picking up chicks that shot him down the first time because it sends a horrible message because it never fucking works.

[Bald Brian]

Is this like the catcrawl video? Is this fit into that?

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, when I saw the cat call video, this girl gets 108 cat calls. I saw that. She could have, you know, the message I think is she could have gotten laid 108 times.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's the real message.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's the real message.

[Bald Brian]

So is this guy.

[Patrick Warburton]

Look at all these opportunities that fly by different classifications. What opportunities do we all see fly by every day like that?

[Adam Carolla]

How much is it bothering your wife? Because now this is one of those things I think that women maybe aren't aware of because it sounds like he violated some guy code for. And I understand that you feel like you need to set him straight or do something, but I'm wondering, was he bothering your wife?

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, yeah, she thought it was creepy. She goes, at first it's clueless and now it's creepy. But at first she wonders why. She thinks it's funny. She thinks it's funny that I'm a little riled up. And I go, no, I'm not threatened that this asshole's going to sell. You could get any guy you want. I go, this pisses me off because it's so fucking disrespectful. And then creepy to do that again while I'm there. And I'm at a point where I have to say something, you know, and she's like, you know, I just think he's deficient. I go, he's not. He's not, you know, challenged. I mean, he's challenged, but this is just a guy who. There are assholes and bullies out there who really just, you know, if anybody has an issue with the way they behave, they immediately become, what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna. You know. Because they can't discuss this on an.

[Bald Brian]

Intellectual level, but he's probably taking testosterone. You're right. It sounds like that kind of thing.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I'm sure he is, but come on, Doc, we all.

[Allison Rosen]

But now so did you? And then the question becomes like, as a celebrity, you don't wanna go through LAX and be hounded by the paparazzi. On the other hand, and you do go through LAX sometimes, and there's no paparazzi. And you think, what happened to the paparazzi? And how come they're not so interested in me anymore? And as a young woman, you walk down the street, you get the cat call, and you go, oh, that's disgusting. But then there's a certain point where you're going to walk down that street. No one's going to lower their sports page and say anything. And then there's that point where it's like, am I not attractive? Obviously, it's validation that you're with someone who's attractive. I don't know. I'd say the woman and the celebrity thing is almost the same thing, which is you don't like it, it's disrespectful, it's an invasion of your space. But on the other hand, it does show you're a celebrity and it does show you're attractive. So there's some version of it that a celebrity or a woman might like. Right? Like a version of it. Not a. Not a infringing of your space version of it, but a acknowledgement version of it. Right.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I don't think could answer this best, but don't you. I think that women feel it's also an uncomfortable thing because at times I think, aren't they almost. Wouldn't you maybe even be like a feared something of your safety? Because these are guys that don't know barium.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, in the video, it's like. And I had to endure countless wings. Like, well, the wink, not so bad, right? Like, the guy winking at you, does that feel threat? Is that threat?

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's threatening, but it can be. It can feel unwanted.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, everything.

[Adam Carolla]

The wink is creepy, actually.

[Allison Rosen]

But you're just walking and the person's sitting, it's like, what the fuck? You know, I mean, that one didn't really count. Winks don't count. And also half of those, well, not half, 10% of them were, how you doing this evening? Like, I wouldn't really call that being verbally raped. Like, that was just. How you doing this evening?

[Patrick Warburton]

That.

[Allison Rosen]

That wasn't really a cat call. Is a cat call. Yeah, there were some are like, they're.

[Patrick Warburton]

Just swings and misses.

[Allison Rosen]

There was a couple of firemen. They're like, how you doing, man? Like, okay, that's fine.

[Patrick Warburton]

That.

[Allison Rosen]

That was not you gotta back out at probably six or eight of those. I'm not. I wouldn't if I was whacking that.

[Adam Carolla]

Tongue through the finger move. That's the one that makes me.

[Allison Rosen]

The tongue through the victory move. That's what I want. Yes. That's what I want.

[Giovanni]

Some guys, the webbing of their hands are dry and they need to lubricate on a regular.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm saying, if I'm whacking together, pardon the pun, that video, I would probably back out the three or four. Good evening. I'm not gonna call that a verbal assault, something that was commonplace 100 years ago. I will. I almost find that refreshing. The good evening guys. Now, these walking next to you for five blocks. That guy I want locked up. But the good evening guy should not be lumped in with the I'm going to walk next to you for five blocks. No.

[Patrick Warburton]

Look at that poor guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, it's.

[Patrick Warburton]

He might as well be on, like, you know, sexual predator list.

[Allison Rosen]

He's like, I said, hello, you know? Now his wife's divorcing him, his kids.

[Patrick Warburton]

All think he's sitting in front of.

[Allison Rosen]

The fire station, said, good evening, ma'am. And now I'm lumped in with the creepy guy who's walking next to you.

[Patrick Warburton]

He has to register before he moves. My neighborhood. You might have seen me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. What'd you do? I said, hello, I'm guy 103.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I think I saved my cap.

[Allison Rosen]

I think if you looked up the definition of cat call, it wouldn't involve good evening, but we can work that out. So this guy circles back.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And says, what is. Let's see, can we read cat call on there?

[Adam Carolla]

Shrill whistle or shout of disapproval. Typically one made at a public meeting or performance. Verb. Make a whistle, shout or comment of a sexual nature to a woman passing by. There we go.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice night out. Okay, you, my friend. Where's Chris Hansen? Get this guy locked up. All right. So sorry. Your wife. Now, see what this guy did. Now, you know what I'd love? I would love one of those flip books of this guy starting in 1969, dropping this line on chicks as his hair changed, as his belt size change, as his flares on his pants. He'd be dropping the exact same line as. We just went through history with this guy. Facial hair. He'd probably have the handlebar mustache.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like a woman churning butter, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It start with the woman churning butter, and he'd go all the way through the elliptical, but it's just him, his paisley shirt Changing into a wife beater into something, you know, his beads, his shade. Probably have some puka shells on at some point in 1974.

[Patrick Warburton]

Let's go all the way back to 1947 and you know the teeter totter, you know the playground the two girls went to. You're gonna get all sweaty.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Maybe popped out of his mom turned back toward her and said, you're gonna get all sweaty. Keep doing this. Keep born. And kids keep birthing. So did you go back and talk to him?

[Patrick Warburton]

No, because he was gone at that point. And by the way too, I'm nervous about this because he's one of these big guys, you know, I don't want to beat up a 64 year old guy and I don't want to get beat up by a 64 year old guy, but I do want to let 64, 65 year old guy know just what an asshole he is. Because nobody ever tells this guy, you're an asshole. He's a guy just walks around like this, hey, he sounds like, he sounds like a real, you know, he sounds like, you know, like a New York kind of third Stallone.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Hey, you know, I'm charming because nobody's ever told me I'm not, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

And do you, do you think that these guys become. There's some guys who can fall into their own affect so deeply. Sort of Andrew Dice Clay. Ish. There's a white New York version of this. There's a black version of this. Hey, baby, what's going on? Like they fall into their own affect and they can kind of hide behind their own cartoon character that they've created for themselves.

[Giovanni]

They're very comfortable playing themselves and a.

[Allison Rosen]

Stereotype of that guy so that they don't individually like get into trouble for it.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes. But there is no disguising or masking in any way what this guy's doing. You know, it's okay. Everybody's flirty. Everybody's flirty. You know, my wife.

[Allison Rosen]

I saw that video, by the way. At the end of that video, it's like I walked for 10 hours. Men of all backgrounds came up to me. Well, not all. I didn't see any Asians in that mix. I make fun of the Middle Eastern men a lot. I didn't see a lot of Middle Eastern guys in there. I didn't spot a ton of Jews in there that weren't all in there. There were basically white guys, black guys and Mexican guys. As far as I could tell, it wasn't anywhere near all it was Some guys. There's some cultures.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, if she was walking with a guy, then that's not gonna be going on like that. There are a few assholes out there probably would say something to a woman on the street with their husband, which would be really, really classless and cool. But there are people that do that.

[Allison Rosen]

She said it involved people of all backgrounds, but when I saw that video, I didn't see that much diversity. Did you guys see all backgrounds?

[Patrick Warburton]

I didn't see a video.

[Allison Rosen]

No comment there. Not a lot of background. No. Pretty much just white guys and black guys is what I. I didn't see any. Like I said, nobody likes to make fun of the Middle Eastern guys as much as I do, but I didn't see any of those guys. They're not. They're not a catcalling nation. I don't feel like there's certain Asians. Not so much. Not so much in the catcalling.

[Bald Brian]

Being of Italian descent. Can you comment on what might have happened in Rome, or.

[Allison Rosen]

I think. I think back in the day. Well, you don't have to go back to Rome. You just go back to the 40s and walk through today. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Boundary violation.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It's culturally acceptable. Yeah. Those are the gypsies.

[Bald Brian]

I think it is the Hungarian gypsies.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, more first world problems for us here.

[Adam Carolla]

So what would you do if you were on the elliptical and Lynette was next to you and this guy did this?

[Allison Rosen]

You know, the first. Your first move.

[Adam Carolla]

Suspend disbelief.

[Allison Rosen]

Get ready for this. Yeah. We're at the gym together. Okay. The first thing is. Well, however you want to look at it, it's. Your significant other's attractive, I'm assuming. So first thing, that's good, because that's not gonna go on forever, theoretically. So that's good. Then the other part is he's doing it in front of me, so that's bad. But then the other part is he doesn't know we're not tethered together with a golden rope or something, so he doesn't know that I'm attached to this person. But then when you find out that he's attached to the person and he comes back, that's when it gets to you.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, no, if you've got 15 empty ellipticals and you got a guy and a girl right next to each other, you could assume right off the bat, let's say he's already attracted. You might wait to see if these two, you know, see what happens after the elliptical. But right now, they're Actually, why would.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll tell you what. He thought. I love to defend strangers. Old strange guys in gyms. He thought, oh, that's a piece of ass. And you sidled up to it. Smart. She was there 20 minutes ago. She was alone on the elliptical. You came, you beat him to the punch.

[Patrick Warburton]

Ooh, Adam. So that's even worse.

[Allison Rosen]

Now he's gotta slide it in. So she's gonna steal her from me.

[Patrick Warburton]

Now I'm really pissed.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Patrick Warburton]

Now I'm angry.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm saying.

[Patrick Warburton]

Where does he get off on your wife?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, probably.

[Patrick Warburton]

Look at you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. But once you laid it out to him, he should have definitely. He should have backed off. Now, how does your wife come down on all this? Because you seem more upset about it than she does.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, oh, certainly she thinks it's funny and stupid, but. But that's where she stands on it. I just found it too, the whole thing to be interesting because I haven't found myself to have gotten riled up.

[Allison Rosen]

In a long time. You had a weird regression that only happens in automobiles momentarily. But when you do. Yeah, right where you're 17. Then you're like, you want some, motherfucker? And then you just keep driving.

[Patrick Warburton]

No, but I even the guy walking right up there and doing this and not getting a clue, and her basically saying, look, I'm with him, but him just not getting a straight answer from me. She told him, yeah, I'm with him. Yeah, that's my husband. And just because I didn't look at him and go, yes, I am her husband. He wasn't clear on that. And that's why he felt the need to approach her again in the gym after I walked away to find out if it really was. And then told her, oh, you're breaking my heart now that you've crossed the line there. You were just a stupid idiot there. Now you're stupid and you're creepy. And that's where I. You know, anybody could walk up with a dumb, stupid line like that and just look and go, he's hitting on you right in front of me. And his material sucks. And that's kind of moronic. But now he's more on creepy guy.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's what irritated me, is hitting on. Do you guys think a pickup line is, like, when someone says bad toupee? Which is. Of course, any toupee you can spot is a bad toupee. There are people. You always go, I can always spot a bad toupee. It's like, of course everyone can spot a bad toupee. But the real question is, were the ones you can't spot? And then is a pickup line bad? If you know it's a pickup line, yes. So it's the.

[Adam Carolla]

Unless it's bad. Charming, but that's because the guy's hot.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? But once you're aware that it's a pickup line, it's by definition bad. Just like once you're aware it's a toupee, it's by definition bad.

[Bald Brian]

Well, it depends on the environment. If you're in a bar.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

What happened? There is a different context.

[Allison Rosen]

People are drinking.

[Bald Brian]

If a woman's there, so why would.

[Allison Rosen]

She be working out in the bar? You know what, Bruce? Be quiet. Let's even in the news done with the abuse. I can't believe you, Adam.

[Patrick Warburton]

I get it. I get it about Bruce.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you do? Now, good lenses, bad friend.

[Adam Carolla]

If you are attracted to the guy that comes up to you and gives you a bad pickup line, then it's going to become this funny thing that you joke about with him down the line. But for the most part, I'd say that most pickup lines make people crazy.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? But that's what's unfair about pickup lines, which is guys coming up to talk to you who look like Patrick Warburton over there or Patrick Dempsey.

[Giovanni]

Any Patrick?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, any Patrick. Patrick Adams, Anybody. Anybody who comes up and talks to you, who you're attracted to. It's like, oh, I'm flattered. And then if they come up and talk to you and you're not attracted to them, you're like, oh, creepy guy. Come on with my space. And then that's weird, because the problem is the guy who's unattractive is not sure what category he's gonna fall into in your brain when he comes over and talks to you, and he hopes he's gonna fall into the attractive one. So now it's a weird thing, because it's like, well, what are we saying? We're not saying coming up and talking to someone is bad. We're saying coming up and talking to someone you're unattractive is bad. But we don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's not. And this is gonna sound like hooey, but it's true. It's not strictly about your physical appearance. It also has to do with your energy and what you're projecting. And if you have, like, a fun, confident vibe, even if you. If you aren't the hottest person ever, you can still make her want to talk to you or she won't be put off of you. So it's not just. It's not entirely superficial. It's just mostly superficial.

[Allison Rosen]

I think I made up a historical figure named Patrick Adams, by the way. You didn't even know who that is.

[Patrick Warburton]

But, you know, I feel like. I feel like Adam. I feel like you might have paid me a compliment earlier there.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it was definitely meant to.

[Patrick Warburton]

And I wish that. But come on, you know women. I don't. I'm not sure they really do feel that way. I mean, if you look at me and I know you're a car guy, I look. I look creepy. I look like that guy, the. The guy that was in the Charger in Bullet. A little bit, you know, a little creepy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're creepy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Thanks. So I'm sufficient for that?

[Allison Rosen]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Creepy. Just attractive.

[Allison Rosen]

No, and it's true. You have to have a certain je ne sais quoi when you come up. Like, it's not all. No, it's not. It's not all. Just a pure physicality. It's a kind of a vibe mixed with a physicality.

[Adam Carolla]

But the line never really gets you anywhere, I don't think. I think that men have this idea that the correct combination of words is going to somehow get them somewhere. And I don't think so. I think that if you're good at conversation, your words might get you further than your looks will. If she's interested in what you have to say. But it's not going to be because of a line. It's going to be some other way that you have engaged her.

[Bald Brian]

You've all overlooked the obvious. My last comment for him, thrown out of the room.

[Allison Rosen]

But.

[Bald Brian]

But this guy. Where's your sensitivity training from Loveline? This guy is a survivor of childhood abuse, probably on the teeter totter. And we've not. I think I saw him on Dr. Phil. Action.

[Allison Rosen]

We should have empathy for this man.

[Bald Brian]

Absolutely. We need to take the Zen approach, look into his soul and understand.

[Allison Rosen]

Patrick Adams, by the way, is on USA Suits. Oh, and he's good looking and. Exactly what I meant. Thank you.

[Giovanni]

Nailed it again.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird suit he's wearing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. All right. I think that's just the image. Doing the moirang. What do they call that?

[Adam Carolla]

Extrobing?

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's called moirang, I think, or something. When you wear a. When you go on a late night show and they tell you don't wear a checkered jacket or whatever, Texas will mess it up. Yeah, there's a name for it that sounds like it's One of those sounds like what it is. Yeah, well, when you, when you, when it, when it, when you, when you, you know, there's certain things where it is what it's called, but it's not like he's wearing a textured suit that the pics that starts freaking out to the lens. And like I said, if you do, if you're gonna make up an appearance on a late night show, they'll say don't wear a white shirt. Or you're gonna make an appearance on any show, they'll go, don't wear a white shirt. And don't wear like a herringbone tweed shirt. Yeah, don't wear something with a real tight pattern. It'll start to spaz out on the lens. And it's called. We'll figure out what it's called. Ah, shit, Gary. I don't even know what was.

[Patrick Warburton]

These two guys over here both wrote books.

[Allison Rosen]

We'll figure it out. You know what I'm talking about, Brian.

[Giovanni]

The book, the chapter about suit patterns was cut at the last minute. It is. It doesn't mess up the lens, it messes up the display. It's like computer displays, you know, certain screens will mess it up because of the resolution.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And the name.

[Giovanni]

Yes, it looks all funky.

[Allison Rosen]

The name of it is what it is. Like Patrick Warburton brought up cars and classic cars. If you see a classic car that had like a lacquer paint job in it from the 70s and it's all has fine little spider lines and cracks in it, it's called crazed. The paint has crazed and you look at it and you go, that's a perfect word for what has happened to this old lacquer paint job. It is crazed. And I don't even know why it's the right word. It just looks like what it is. It makes sense to what it is. And when you hear about what happens to checkered jackets when they go on camera, you'll go, that sounds like what it is. And I'll tell you what it should be. DraftKings, baby. Oh my. Listeners winning huge cash prizes. DraftKings.com America's favorite one week fantasy football site. It is no season long commitment. You play when you want. Oh, we got the answer this. I'll give it to you in a second. You have injured players. No problem. You can every week like a new week. Well, Brian, how are you doing?

[Giovanni]

Can I tell you about a very cool moment I had before the show? I was actually hanging out with the DraftKings guys, the guys from Boston the guys who work at DraftKings, they're in town for the Breeders cup, and they got time to kill for their flight earlier today. So they were at a bar in Marie Del Rey watching football, and they're like, come on down, hang out with us. I got to watch football with the fantasy football guys, the Draft Kings. It was pretty cool. They love the reads you do here. They love the support and all the listeners.

[Allison Rosen]

I won that cup when I beat Kimmel. So many years ago. Not the Beaters Cup. What'd you say?

[Giovanni]

The Breeders Cup.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what we called it. That's what we call it. Pick your team. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Distasteful.

[Allison Rosen]

Definitely. Keep it upright. Pick your team in minutes and you could be on your way to winning instant cash. Get free entry and the $100,000 contest this weekend. First place takes home 10 grand. DraftKings. Dawson, head to DraftKings.com now and enter code ADAM to play for free DraftKings.com Bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter Adam for free entry [e-mail] that's DraftKings.com all right. Well, we finally got to the bottom of it. Allison, do you see it up there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. More. If that's how it's pronounced.

[Allison Rosen]

More.

[Adam Carolla]

Patterns are commonly seen on television screens when a person is wearing a shirt or jacket of a particular weave or pattern, such as a houndstooth jacket. This is due to interlaced scanning in televisions and non film cameras, referred to as interline Twitter. As the person moves about, the Mori pattern is quite noticeable. Because of this, newscasters and other professionals who appear on TV regularly are instructed to avoid clothing which could cause the effect.

[Allison Rosen]

There you go.

[Patrick Warburton]

And you nailed it.

[Allison Rosen]

I did. Where were you on that one, Patrick? You've been in this business for a hundred years. What the fuck?

[Patrick Warburton]

I don't retain. I get all my lessons new every day. It's like Groundhog Day, but just. That's where I am.

[Allison Rosen]

You are like an Etch A Sketch put in a paint can shaker every morning. That's what I love about you, man. All right, let's do a couple more. What do we got?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, there was a little fire at the happiest place on earth in Florida, at the Magic Kingdom. Embers from fireworks at the Magic Kingdom ignited a small fire at Disney World's latest ride, the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train on Saturday. The fire was quickly put out. No one was hurt.

[Giovanni]

That's a small fire. Look at the picture. And all we see is smoke in the sky.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're calling it a small fire, but. Yeah, that does look like a lot of smoke. Yeah. The fireworks. The nightly fireworks had just ended when embers landed on the building outside the attraction at 10:30, and passengers were able to get off safely, and no one was evacuated.

[Allison Rosen]

I think that's just one more attraction. Like, that's just. By the way, during fireworks displays and shows, aren't we all just kind of secretly hoping that something catches on fire at some point?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, isn't that what they represent, destruction?

[Allison Rosen]

It's really just a logical extension of what we're looking at. You know, stuff's burning in the air now bring it down to the ground.

[Patrick Warburton]

You know what? Riot has never had any safety issues whatsoever. Soaring over California. Maybe you've heard of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, are you doing the voiceover on that?

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I have for the last 13 years, but now they're changing it, so I don't know if I'm gonna. Yeah, well, then that's gonna be soaring over the world, so.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, really? I love that. I always.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never gone on that.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my voice.

[Patrick Warburton]

Because you've never been on my ride.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I would love to sometime.

[Allison Rosen]

It's in the California Center.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, I know.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's Patrick. Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you ride around in?

[Allison Rosen]

You get on the Snake.

[Giovanni]

Suspended.

[Allison Rosen]

You're suspended, and then you're going over California, and it's like you can go, oh, there's a Mexican picking an orange.

[Gina Grad]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Sit on him and you smell the orange. You know what I mean? You can smell the orange. And a little ass crack.

[Giovanni]

Mostly orange.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, mostly orange. But you just go. You don't go anywhere, but your mind goes on a magical mystery tour. Yeah. And you soar over California. Yeah. It's really.

[Patrick Warburton]

It does not make you feel sick. Like the moire.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, not like the moire.

[Adam Carolla]

That Moray really did make me feel sick.

[Allison Rosen]

It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, but that's. That's why they don't want the patterns.

[Giovanni]

Back to Allison's story, I was actually at a Giants game in high school. San Francisco Giants came, and There was the 4th of July, and they were having a fireworks display, and my friends and I left the game early to go drink, of course, in the parking lot. And we got out there, and after, as the fireworks were ending, raining down flaming casings upon us. It was crazy. And it lit a fire outside the stadium.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It's not.

[Giovanni]

It caught like a bin.

[Adam Carolla]

Then why do we need to love fireworks?

[Giovanni]

It's a shockingly dangerous part of the experience is the casing's gotta come down somewhere.

[Allison Rosen]

And it is one of these things where the Chinese invented this thing, you know, 2,000 years ago. And it has not evolved or changed at all. Like, it really. I mean, you know, the timing and the computers and the stuff. But basically, what's going on and it's just not really changed. Fire the thing up in the air and blow it up. It just. It hasn't changed. And it's nice when it goes south.

[Adam Carolla]

On occasion, especially at a place like Disneyland or Disney World.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Yes.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, you won't catch me agreeing with you there.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. So now what? Are they gonna soar over the United. The world. The world.

[Adam Carolla]

Think of all the smells.

[Allison Rosen]

Do they need you?

[Patrick Warburton]

They don't need me. I hope they ask me back, but I'll have it. I do another. I work on another ride. I do the Star Tours ride, security droid. But they digitize the voice, so it's hard to tell. But I said things like, sorry, no Wookiees allowed. Oh, that's your husband, man. My apologies.

[Giovanni]

I was just there.

[Allison Rosen]

Adorable.

[Patrick Warburton]

Things like that.

[Giovanni]

I was just there last week and I remember the droid saying, I was on that ride. I remember that line.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Oh, I heard it.

[Patrick Warburton]

That was my favorite.

[Allison Rosen]

Do I.

[Patrick Warburton]

And you didn't feel like, you know, insulted or anything?

[Giovanni]

No, it was good fun.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. Okay.

[Giovanni]

Good family fun.

[Patrick Warburton]

Did he call me a Wookiee?

[Allison Rosen]

It's funny. You can dish it out pretty good.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, we're gonna go back.

[Allison Rosen]

But when somebody approaches your wife, it's a totally different situation. It is interesting. Interesting. Totally. So you do that to millions of people a day, no problemo.

[Adam Carolla]

Hiding behind a digitized voice.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. But one guy comes up to you and we gotta stop the press. It's an interesting approach to life.

[Patrick Warburton]

No, this has been a growing experience for me, and I feel like you.

[Allison Rosen]

Do it to thousands of people worldwide and thousands a day pass by a year holding insults in their lives.

[Patrick Warburton]

Thank you for holding me, because do you have any.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have any connections over at the California Adventure park over there? Because I gotta say, a week after, what's her name went on Oprah, Mackenzie Phillips and started talking about Papa John Phillips. And yes, I had consensual sex with my father when Mackenzie.

[Patrick Warburton]

How hot is that? Or gross.

[Allison Rosen]

When mackenzie. Yeah, when Mackenzie. I always say she got about the same reaction from Oprah's audiences I got when I do the. Come on, everyone's peed in the sink. Right, Come on. Right. We've all come on. But, guys. All right, guys over six foot, come on, show of hands. You've peed in the. Everyone's. Nobody's. I'm the only one who's. What? I never peed in the sink. That's all right.

[Giovanni]

I understand. You want to keep it quiet, guys.

[Allison Rosen]

She did the thing where she's like, I am speaking out for all of the women, adult women that are having consensual sex with their biological fathers. And everyone's just like, hello. No, not down with this. Wouldn't mind winning the Pontiac. Wish I showed up that day instead of this day. But she literally, like, did that. Come on. Someone's got to be a voice for these people. And they're like, ladies, come on now. And I then a week later, with this still ring in my head, was at that California adventure with my three and a half year old daughter on my lap, listening to the mamas and the papas sing California Dreaming. And I thought, maybe this should be pulled out of the rotation. Once your daughter has gone on Oprah and discussed in front of the world that you had consensual adult sex with her, perhaps we should pull this one out. You know?

[Patrick Warburton]

That's right. Nobody's watching 7th Heaven.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Yeah. We could hear one more Beach Boy song in place of this song. And I don't think anyone would lodge a formal complaint.

[Patrick Warburton]

Right. I immediately sent Seth MacFarlane a text. I go, can I have Stephen Collins? When I saw that in the news. Can I have Stephen Collins part?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Because there's gonna be.

[Allison Rosen]

He's gonna be a family guy. Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

No, no, no. He was on TED too, when he got fired.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, he was on TED too.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sorry. I forgot about that. Cause I was like. That story came out. Dad was recorded, I think, at his therapist's office with. I think we talked about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if we ever did.

[Allison Rosen]

Or we all thought about it, which counts. He was recorded by his wife, I think, at a therapist's office. Sort of. Sort of downplaying the pedophilia. Like, well, touch the junk, you know, maybe one, not eight, nine. There's a big difference at that age. And, you know, kind of like soft pedaling the. Maybe a handful of times I touched this child. Like, it's a weird thing, because first.

[Adam Carolla]

Off, I mean, I can count it on what, two hands?

[Allison Rosen]

It's basically like saying peanut M&Ms. I've probably eaten four in my life. Like, bullshit. You're either fucking never had them, or you've had handfuls and handfuls of them over the course of your lifetime. It's not like maybe one or two.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, pedophilia is not a dabbling kind of thing.

[Allison Rosen]

When you're in. Well, here's how much you're into it. Whatever we're all currently into, that's how much you're into it. And then I would argue more because there's a deviant part of it. So if you're into big titties or you're into interracial, or you're into girl on girl or whatever it is, you're into Alison. No, whatever you're. Whatever. Look, whatever you're into, you're that much more into it because it's more forbidden. It's hard. You have to seek it out, and so on and so forth. So. So the dabbling in that is like saying, dawson, what do you. What do you like when you cruise the Internet and you're looking at porn? What do you. What's your bag? I know you're into everything, but I mean. I mean, do you like the Asian porn? No, just regular straight white chicks in cheerleader outfits. All right, straight chicks. But it's like. It's. It's like. It's like saying you've only seen that a couple of that. You know what I mean? If you're into Asian porn, you've seen every fucking Asian person naked in your fucking lifetime. I mean, that's. You're into it, so. Well, they knew he was in Ted, too, right?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, they knew he had an issue because he was already saying things that were tipping people off. Like, hey, I was watching Toddlers and Tiaras the other day, and the phone rang, so I pulled my pants up.

[Allison Rosen]

But I.

[Patrick Warburton]

You know, this is. These are the things Stephen Collins was saying.

[Allison Rosen]

But that guy coming up to your wife, that crossed some sort of boundary in your brain, Patrick. Whereas this is completely, utterly fine for you. You can joke openly about this. So, yeah, he was in Ted 2 and he was in.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, but they only shot him for, like, half a day, so whatever. They didn't lose that much on the.

[Allison Rosen]

Diaper Sniper, and they pulled him. Because I know Seth was in Boston filming this, and they must have cut it out. Right, and so you reached out to Seth and said, put me in.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, well, I was already working on the film, but not happy. Not enough. Not enough to do. So I said, give me more.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you are. You're working on Tattoo.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

How's that? Going. What's that?

[Patrick Warburton]

Good fun.

[Allison Rosen]

When's that coming out?

[Patrick Warburton]

It'll be coming. It'll come out early next summer.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm. Can you tell us what you're doing in it?

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I have a new boyfriend. It's not Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds is my boyfriend in the first. The best part about kissing Ryan Reynolds, not the obvious. I took him right off my daughter's top three list.

[Allison Rosen]

Because she found out. Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, she found out, and then that was it. Like, her and her friends, they'd sit around a table, and they were right doing, you know, Chris Helms, all the guys they want to kiss. Jake Gyllenhaal. And he disappeared after making out with Papa. Well, we didn't make out, really, but we kissed.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a really nice guy. Very nice.

[Patrick Warburton]

Very nice. Very handsome.

[Allison Rosen]

Soft lips.

[Patrick Warburton]

Once again, not saying I like it, Allison. I'm saying that's just a.

[Adam Carolla]

You're just describing it.

[Patrick Warburton]

I'm describing. But, yes, I did.

[Allison Rosen]

Two guys, a girl in a pizza place. That was him, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

His breakout role.

[Allison Rosen]

I was featured as myself on an episode of that.

[Patrick Warburton]

As yourself.

[Allison Rosen]

I played me in an episode. A very special episode of that. And I just remember the entire cast being exceptionally friendly. Ryan especially. But everyone was just super friendly and super nice.

[Adam Carolla]

The girl from that show is now on how to Get Away with Murder.

[Allison Rosen]

Trailer.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's her, but I'm not. I'm not entirely sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Hmm. Trailer. Is it Trailer Howard? Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Hey, let's do. What do you got? Let's bring it home.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Tip it, cunt.

[Allison Rosen]

I had consensual sex with my father. That was the news with Allison Rosenberg. Too soon. Ah, Beaufort and Scott. GSM love this wine, man. Very small batches made, by the way.

[Giovanni]

What's it called?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm gonna say Beaufort.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

But that's how I'm gonna pronounce it. B. I. Well, actually, I don't want to spell it, because I think Matt wrote it out phonetically so I would not screw it up. So I will figure out how it's spelled in a second. I'll forget how it's spelled, unless the point is it's both barrels. Wine dot com. And normally it's 43 bucks, and you can get it for 29 bucks. And they only made 220 cases, so. 2,640 bottles. Yes. I just did that math. So very small, very limited, very tasty. And grapes grown at high altitudes, which is good for kicking field goals. And it's good for antioxidants as well.

[Giovanni]

Both.

[Allison Rosen]

Both. That's right. Both barrels. Speaking of Both. Both barrels. Wine.com promo code Adam. Try out some of this delightful, delightful wine. I've tried it. Try it out and get yourself a nice break. And use the promo code Adam. That is both barrelswine.com I was wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not Trailer Howard, but Trailer Howard was in Monk and the Walking Dead. And something else, which I forget now. I had her confused with Liza Wheel, who's from Gilmore Girls. Wow, they look alike.

[Allison Rosen]

You had the trailer and the Wheel confused.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Patrick Warburton]

You know, the other day I was watching RuPaul's Drag Race, and the phone rang and so I pulled up my pants. It works on.

[Allison Rosen]

Patrick Warburton, everybody. The Woman Chaser. Good enough for Patton Oswald, good enough for me. By the way, that guy knows his stuff. I always like it when someone compliments my film. And then I announce he's a Jesus guy knows his. When it comes to film, it's. It's Cisco Ebert, Oswald, and that.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's.

[Allison Rosen]

That three. That's the Mount Rush.

[Giovanni]

Holy Trinity.

[Allison Rosen]

The holy trinity of film credits.

[Patrick Warburton]

Andy Dick came up to me the other day and said, you've got to see. I love that movie. The Woman Chaser. He said, same gravitas.

[Allison Rosen]

No, see, it doesn't work. The Woman Chaser available Netflix, Hulu, Amazon plus, iTunes, PlayStation. It's all there. And speaking of Amazon, you know what to do, man. Click through. Show us some love. Help us get back to zero. Bunch of live shows. Go to the website and check that out. Mangria, corolladrinks.com back. And by the way, you may want to jump in on that three pack pretty soon, because I was instructed by my guys that were basically losing money on it. It's three bottles of Mangria and the shipping's included, and it's under 50 bucks, so too generous. It's not gonna last for long. It's gonna go away, so get it while the iron's hot. Allison Rosen. New best friend Duncan Trussell is the guest. And that is Monday and Thursdays, and that's on itunes or alisonrosen.com so till next time, Adam Kroll for Patton Warburton. Ah, Dr. Bruce.

[Bald Brian]

Can I plug something?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, plug something.

[Bald Brian]

Get your flu vaccine so you stay healthy enough. Plug Ebola when that comes out.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, doctor, you can stay out of my ear. You can tweet him at Dr. Bruce H. Right? Dr. Bruce H. Until next time, this is Adam for Bruce And Patrick and Allison and bald Mahala.

[Patrick Warburton]

Hey, I was watching Toddlers and Tiaras the other day and the phone rang so I pulled my pants up.

[Giovanni]

That was Adam Krillo Show 1445. The great Patrick Warburton and Dr. Bruce. Come up next we have Adam Krill Show 1364. Pete Holmes, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, 2014.

[Allison Rosen]

Check it out.

[Patrick Warburton]

Are you looking for.

[Allison Rosen]

For your next case, Pluto TV has all your favorite crime dramas streaming for free. You're gonna need some backup, which means suspense is free. Very cool. Watch csi New York, Criminal Minds, Blue.

[Patrick Warburton]

Bloods Tracker, FBI and swat all for free.

[Allison Rosen]

You can't outrun this. Someone is gonna pay for all this crime. But it's not gonna be you. Take care of business, fellas.

[Patrick Warburton]

Watch all the cases, all for free.

[Allison Rosen]

From all your favorite devices. We got you feel the free Pluto TV stream. Now pay Never. Pete Holmes, everybody. Podcast. You Made It Weird. New episodes available every Wednesday on itunes. Good. See you again, Pete.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you, Adam. Thanks for having me. You were on youn Made It Weird.

[Allison Rosen]

I very much enjoyed my time on youn Made It Weird.

[Gina Grad]

It was great.

[Allison Rosen]

And I love being interviewed. I love the long form interview. I love the person that's just. And what I love about the podcasting medium is just that people get to. You get to go in depth. Yep. You get to ask questions that you could never ask in the late night format or any other format. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

It wouldn't even be appropriate for me to be like. Because I didn't know you. And I was like, I had done your show, but I was like, would you like to sit in a room with me for three hours? Like, it's a weird offer, but if we're recording it because of the show business, all of us, we're like, yeah, that's fine. It's literally how I meet all my social needs these days.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it's weird that the episode never came out. Did you record it?

[Allison Rosen]

It's a lot like porn, which is if I just said, hey, runaway and 22 year old dude, could you guys just have sex while I kind of chill? They'd be like, are you nuts? But if you film it. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

That legitimizes it.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a context.

[Gina Grad]

And then it's legal too. Then it's all of a sudden legal. It was illegal up until the point that. That you presented the cash.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And paid taxes.

[Allison Rosen]

It is kind of weird. I'm curious now. Think about it. Like if you, you know, the guys essentially work for free in porn or they don't have to bring a chick with them.

[Gina Grad]

Is that true?

[Allison Rosen]

And it can't be family members that. I learned. I learned the hard way. My mom was not welcome on that set.

[Gina Grad]

You brought mom Corolla.

[Allison Rosen]

They said bring a check.

[Giovanni]

Did you know the bringer?

[Gina Grad]

MILF porn is the number one type of porn. I don't know why we all skirt this issue. MILF porn, number one type of porn.

[Giovanni]

What do you mean by number one?

[Gina Grad]

Meaning the one I look at. I'm just going by me. Everybody's the star of their own life. You know what I mean? No, I just read that somewhere. I do think the psychological ramifications of what type of porn you like says a lot about your mother. I know you were just joking. I don't mean to be armchair psychologist.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I'm with you on that. I feel like I'm like meat and potatoes. I've always said that, you know, my bread and butter is meat and potatoes. That's what I want in porn. I never get tired of titties and ass and fucking.

[Gina Grad]

At a restaurant, when you sat down.

[Patrick Warburton]

Before you ordered, they just put a.

[Gina Grad]

Basket of meat and potatoes on the table.

[Allison Rosen]

I would. That was great.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my favorite bottomless meat basket.

[Allison Rosen]

Good name for hv and a good porn name. Yeah, it's very, very bottomless meat basket.

[Gina Grad]

Wait, so when you mean meat and potatoes, you mean like a man and one woman having intercourse?

[Adam Carolla]

Like a penis going into a vagina.

[Gina Grad]

But I mean, that's not really meat and potatoes or.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, no, the butt.

[Gina Grad]

You've gone off menu.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're getting into the special secret menu. Yeah. He likes the animal Smile.

[Gina Grad]

What did the chef have? He had butt sex. Exotic sex.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And there's a market price for that. I mean, that's the whole thing. Mp I see the butt thing feels like somebody lost a bet. Like, that's now what people like, what guys like. A lot of guys in their porn is a little. It's not that we love seeing the butt. We love the fact that we know she hates the butt. And that adds the subjugation. Yes, that adds quite a bit of pleasure for us.

[Gina Grad]

I appreciate your candor to think about. It is gross to think about. But a lot of porn trends do tend towards things that can't be.

[Allison Rosen]

There is no such thing as porn where the guy comes in a Ziploc bag.

[Gina Grad]

Unless in Japan that exists.

[Allison Rosen]

Unless he throws it at the chick at the end of it. But it's not like, well, I'll just be over Here with my paper towels. No, it's got to be the face.

[Gina Grad]

The titties, you know, porn as fucked. I'm talking about this on stage a little bit. I'm not about to launch into a bit. That's not why I'm here.

[Allison Rosen]

Feel free.

[Gina Grad]

Listen, my Persona just completely changes. I stop looking at you. I just think it's interesting. It's on the tip.

[Dr. Bruce]

What's in the.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you noticed when you're coming on a girl's tits, why is it always.

[Gina Grad]

You up, right down. You gotta get another girl in there looking it up.

[Allison Rosen]

Jerry, she's looking up. Jerry doesn't work.

[Gina Grad]

White things are looking up. Okay, that was a bad Seinfeld bit for everybody. I think porn is fucked. It's ruining sex. Erectile dysfunction. Here's the thing, Adam Kroll. When did you start looking at porn?

[Allison Rosen]

How old?

[Gina Grad]

I mean, like hardcore Internet pornography.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, here's my relationship with porn dates back to. I'm not talking about those super r8. No.

[Gina Grad]

Well, you were Nicolas Cage going to the mansion in 8 millimeter.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, I'm old. So we used to just lay in our back in a field and say, you know, wait till clouds took the shape of tits. And that was about all we had on some straw. Yeah, but we would, we would find, you know, like they'd have like La Star magazine and stuff and you'd get the black and white Grainy Titty magazine. But you win.

[Gina Grad]

Black and white Grainy Titty magazine occasionally is such a better mental outlook, you know, to have that popping into your life and still having some novelty to it. These 12 year old kids, 11 year old kids that have instant access to everything, that know what ass to mouth is today, they just learned how to fucking write cursive. And then they see some ass to mouth that's fucking them up. Because once you're watching all that stimuli and jerking off to it, and your brain is very smart, but your brain is also very stupid. So you think you're doing it. You know what I mean? You're lubin up, you're watching it, you're coming. It's a sexual experience to your brain. Then you go with your fucking 12 year old girlfriend. Let's bring it age appropriate. Your 18 year old girlfriend, she takes her bra off. How does that compete with the donkey and the 15 European women orgies? You can't. That's why all these guys. Because the average age of a Cialis prescription I believe is like 24.

[Allison Rosen]

Really? Yeah. Wow, that's insane to me.

[Gina Grad]

It's not insane when you start to realize that they're watching constant influxes of people coming on tits and then you only have one girlfriend and your brain is ripped on novelty. It's widely for novelty.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's a very good point. Which is that relationship that we had with our bicycle. Or as I was complaining and lamenting on the show, my kids got an air hockey game. Not a big commercial style at the arcade, but just a little sort of home style. Put it together yourself. Air hockey game for Christmas. They played it for about 20 minutes on Christmas Day and for about 4 minutes the following day. And it's been sitting in the fucking backyard too many mildew. They don't give a fuck about air hockey, by the way. I would have built my childhood around this air hockey fucking table. We would have air hockey parties.

[Gina Grad]

Guys, stop looking at the tit clouds and play some animals.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

All the boys are running in. Stop painting fences. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

In their overalls, rolled up to the knee. Weird sailor hats that have been cut in a serrated fashion.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And tilted way back. Yes. I'm saying. Yeah. Enough with the giant hoop and the stick going down the cobblestone. I have something called air that I've mixed with hockey. My kids don't give a fuck about this air hockey game anymore. It's sitting in the back. It's at the point where I don't want to get them presents for Christmas because they're gonna use it. Look at it. I mean, even if it's the coolest off wheel, off road, four wheel drive remote control truck. My son will use it for 10 minutes and then move on to the 60 inch plasma.

[Gina Grad]

But we have too many choices. That's the problem with porn, and that's the problem with your kids and their air hockey thing, is if, like, they did this really interesting experiment. Allison, I feel like we talked about this possibly when you did my show. I did your show, but it's this thing where, like, I take you, Adam, into a room and I'm like, you can have one of these paintings, right? And only one of them. And they're just gorgeous reproductions of classic art. And you pick one, and then in two weeks, I'm going to survey to you how happy you are with that painting. If. If I say you have to pick one and that's the only one you get, those people are very, very happy with their painting. If I say you can have one of the paintings and then in a week you can swap it if you change your mind, for another painting. People always come back and they swap and then they're less happy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

So we're on something called the hedonic treadmill. We keep getting used to the hedonism in our lives.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why people who are online dating saying that they're looking for the one, I believe aren't at all. They're just. It's just about. It's the next one.

[Gina Grad]

The next one you hit on the head. Because when you're on a date and when you go to piss, I haven't peed at a urinal without looking at my phone since 2007. So you're on your phone on an Internet date and you see how many people sent you a wink or a click or how many profile pics. Everybody's a celebrity. All of a sudden, we're all Steve McQueen.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you know what I thought?

[Gina Grad]

Is that the right name of the guy?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, that's him.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you, director of your slave.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, sorry. There's a couple things I thought you were going to say about the treadmill. That another cruel joke you could play to people is you could just have them go into a room with all this fine art and say, you can take one painting or you can take 10 paintings. And of course, everyone would take 10 paintings. And I think you would find that the people that took the 10 paintings were unhappy or more. Less happy a week from then than the person that took the one painting.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Because there's this thing I've always said the guys with the big car collections, like Jay Leno, loves cars, but he doesn't love any one of his cars that much because he has 350 cars. Then there's that old guy who's got the ford stepside from 1955, and that's his baby. And he drives it down to the Bob's Big Boy every Friday night, because that's cruising night. And he sits by it. He's super, super duper proud. And every weekend, it's just parked in front of his house and he's putting another coat of wax on it. And the thing is probably worth $9,000. I mean, literally, you could get a used Mini Cooper with low mileage for the price of what this guy could get. And you could get this all day long on ebay. But that's. That's his.

[Gina Grad]

But that's the thing.

[Allison Rosen]

His baby.

[Gina Grad]

A lot of people are married to $9,000 cards, and they're very happy. We've learned that we go, like, you can always move on to something better. Something better. Something better, something better. And that's why we're always going to keep moving on. Well, the options and lenoing our wives.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. And I do believe that seeing what else is out there and who has what. I mean, if you want to. What? My wife, if you want to make her sort of instantly miserable, all she has to do is turn on Entertainment Tonight and see somebody going on a great vacation. Like, oh, it's Kim and Kanye, and they're on Master P's yacht and they're in the Caribbean, and, oh, my goodness. And then she just looks at him and goes, we didn't go anywhere this year. Now they show picture of the kids in Biafra that are starving. No opposite reaction.

[Gina Grad]

Why can't we skip a meal?

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. That's the point. I mean, if you just. Just are gonna be inundated, and that's all we are now is just inundated with that.

[Gina Grad]

I saw kids taking pictures with a disposable camera. They still make those. You can buy them at, like, CVS or whatever. You take a picture with a disposable camera. And the kids were like, where's the picture? Where's the picture? They couldn't comprehend a world where there isn't automatic instant gratification. And what is it doing? I mean, every generation thinks the one behind them is fucked. But is this one?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, all it's. And I think they are. All it does is. I mean, there was a time, I don't know, turn of the century where they said, look, you get a washing machine, you have more time for leisure. You know, you get an automobile. You don't have to ride a horse or a donkey. You have more time for leisure. You know, they'd have these, you know, commercials, I don't know, from the 30s or 40s where.

[Gina Grad]

Cloud boobs.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. More time to stare at cloud boobs.

[Gina Grad]

That's leisure.

[Allison Rosen]

And if you're gay, one will turn into a cock eventually.

[Gina Grad]

That's the great thing about clouds.

[Allison Rosen]

Contrails are all just endless cocks.

[Gina Grad]

That one's doing Estimate. It's very erotic.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

What if you're in the middle looking at cloud boobs and it turns into cloudcock?

[Gina Grad]

Can we just acknowledge that it's all basically the same ingredients? And a man's ass looks a little bit like cleavage. Everybody's a little bit weird.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I'm saying when they came out with washers and dryers, they showed the woman with her feet up reading a magazine, not doing something else. Because now this box had been checked. And that's where we're at now. It's now so much technology and it has not made life easier. It is us going, oh, you can do more at once, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So now our brains are going nuts with the options.

[Allison Rosen]

It used to be fairly impossible to work on the weekend. I mean, how could you work on the weekend? The fucking office is closed. It's locked. You can't go in there. You don't have the key. What are you, the janitor? You're not going into that place on the weekend. They lock the door at 5:00 on Friday. There's nothing. The stores are closed on Sunday. The bank is closed. There's nothing to do. Yeah, you must stare at clouds and beat off. You have no choice.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's interesting. I mean, we always say that we're gonna lose creativity. There was actually a funny line I saw A Million Ways to Die in the west. And they were talking about the kids with the hoop and the stick, and they were talking about how it's rotting their brains and it's killing their potential for creativity. So that's true. But I do worry about losing boredom. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

As a comic, as somebody who has to drive himself to a lot of shows, that's where you have the. That's why, you know, in the shower. It's like the last place until we design the shower plasma or whatever. It's like the funness of just taking a ride with the radio off. Like you have to do it. And that's where you get ideas and that's where you get inspiration from that sort of listening.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. I have said a million times, you know, stop walking through everyone else's museum. You know, create your own. My kids sit and watch a huge plasma screen and just watch other people's art.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Which comes at them at a million miles an hour. Downtime is huge. And we're nuts because we got it backwards. We're like, these kids need to be stimulated. They need to be stimulated. They need to turn on their brain by being stimulated and exposed to. And it's like, no, no, that's you just chilling, kicking back, opening a juice box and watching someone else's creativity while you earn none for yourself. Leave the kid alone. Give the kid some downtime. He'll get real creative real fast.

[Gina Grad]

That's true. I think. I think that is a through line you see in a lot of really creative people is that they were bored as fuck. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

I always say, like, do you think John Popper could play the harmonica the way he plays the harmonica if he was getting laid and had an Xbox and a plasma screen.

[Gina Grad]

That's something we talk about all the time. The people that went into comedy to get laid and then the people that got into comedy because they were like, what else do you do? You gotta do something. Like I have for. You know, I don't wanna sound trite, but you have something to say. You wanna communicate something and there's an itch. There's. As opposed to just trying. You want a job that you can drink at and you want to get, you know, a blow job.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, I always say that, but I replaced the blow job and the drinking with the guys that just don't feel like working. Like, I just don't want to get up before noon.

[Gina Grad]

You already bounded over this. You're like your work ethic transferring into the world of comedy. I'm remembering that now. Coming from construction and all that sort of stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but. And I do. But I do feel like there's a fair amount of guys like Jeff Ross. He just doesn't feel. He doesn't like. He's not a morning person. Him and Doug Benson would be the worst employees ever if they had to deliver milk. Can you imagine it? Show up as cottage cheese around 1pm.

[Giovanni]

Why can't it be night milk?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It does just suit some people better. Absolutely.

[Allison Rosen]

Get up. I'd like to rip a bong load. I'd like to catch a matinee. And then time permitted. I'll get over the improv and do a set.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. I don't know why this went back to porn for me. Maybe I just started thinking about porn again. But that idea of not getting every need gratified instantly breeds a better society. Take, for example, if you're not constantly jerking it to porn, you could potentially meet your wife. You know what I mean? Because you'll be on an elevator.

[Adam Carolla]

They say that's when it happens.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. The old adage, you've lost the pink eye of the tiger. You're not hungry. Take it. Yeah. Fucking hunt. No, that. I tell guys all the time, listen, you're going. That's good.

[Gina Grad]

I was listening to Allison as well. It's hard.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta hunt. You gotta go out fucking hungry.

[Gina Grad]

But you have to allow yourself to feel a need that requires another person to fulfill. Unfortunately, I can sit at home, I can get myself drunk if I want to. I can order food if I want to. And I can simulate pretty realistic sexual experiences with the right mix of Lube and incense and. You know what I mean? Like, then I'm done. But what the fuck am I doing? You're just coasting through life and at the end you look back on what, to quote you, other people's art. I was like, remember when I was in that prison with Morgan Freeman?

[Allison Rosen]

That wasn't you. Well, can I ask this then, Pete Holmes? And let me make this. Let me make this suggestion. How about this? I think this could sell. Somebody write this down. It's going to be my idea. And then when someone else uses it, I'm suing their ass. I'm not in trouble.

[Giovanni]

You learned your lesson.

[Allison Rosen]

I think the single man's computer, especially home computer, laptop, whatever it is, should have a. It's one of those things that is going to save you from yourself, which is when you sit down for a porn session, we have a setting. 15, 20, 25 minute.

[Giovanni]

You're on the clock.

[Allison Rosen]

On the clock. You're on the clock. Now, once that thing goes south, I mean, once you expire, the computer cannot be turned on for 90 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you get locked out.

[Allison Rosen]

You get locked out for 90 minutes. I think we'd have a much more productive society because I think a lot of guys sit home with the takeout, with the booze, with the lube, and they just kind of drift away. And you look up at the clock and you're like, whoa, it's been four hours. Jesus, I'm still on you. Porn. If you had the lockout, and ultimately it would be good for you, wouldn't it be?

[Gina Grad]

That's exactly what the function of our higher brain is. If we started the reptile brain, that's where all those impulses come in. It makes perfect sense to stay home, shelter, food, feed yourself. You're not going to die. Sex. There it is. And sleep. Everything you need is right there. So you have the core part of your brain telling you to do that all the time. The higher part of your brain is those types of ideas.

[Allison Rosen]

Pete, what would you set your porn lockout time?

[Gina Grad]

Now? What are the factors? It's because I need to. What I was trying to prevent.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, what you're trying to. I need to do a quick. What I'm trying to prevent is you realizing that you just dedicated an hour and 45 minutes to something that you could have dedicated four minutes to and you really ended up in the same place.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, there is a hubris to the porn searching, man. That's just like, not good enough.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, fuck are you talking about?

[Gina Grad]

Discerning Taylor King. Michael.

[Allison Rosen]

And also a potential of what if I get hit by a municipal bus tonight and this is the last time I ever beat off and end up.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing it to a 5, 45 minute session. It's not that you're repeatedly jerking off. It's that you're just looking for something better and better and better.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that is the museum with the endless hallway.

[Gina Grad]

And that's the problem. And that's what we. We get into a certain.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you aroused the whole time?

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Gina Grad]

Typically. Not me.

[Allison Rosen]

You're not aroused.

[Giovanni]

Pete's not.

[Gina Grad]

I don't do it.

[Patrick Warburton]

That.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah, you guys.

[Allison Rosen]

But what I'm saying is, Pete, what number could we. Could we put you down for?

[Gina Grad]

I bet I can get in. And first of all, I'm trying to stay off.

[Allison Rosen]

Not interested in. I'm not interested in you.

[Gina Grad]

Give me a 10 minute.

[Allison Rosen]

10 minutes.

[Gina Grad]

Not good enough.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not how quickly you can do it. It's how long do you want to be locked out for, right?

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's what I put you down for in terms of your time. I'm not interested in you breaking any records. I'm just saying. Realist.

[Gina Grad]

I want a four hour lockout.

[Allison Rosen]

You want to be locked out for four hours? Sure. After ten minutes. Yeah. What if you don't achieve in ten minutes?

[Gina Grad]

I'll achieve.

[Allison Rosen]

No, Pete, please understand what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a contest.

[Allison Rosen]

Contest can be done in, you know, under three.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yep.

[Allison Rosen]

I've done it on camera. You have? Yes, I have.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, God.

[Allison Rosen]

There was an episode of the Man Show.

[Gina Grad]

I was gonna say, please be on the Man Show. Not just you at home with a flip.

[Allison Rosen]

Came. Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

It's on Instagram.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not looking. Don't brag. Don't try to impress me. That wasn't what I was doing. And I'm saying this. Let's pick a realistic number that you. Not that you could do, but that you would like to have. Not to feel pressure.

[Gina Grad]

As Ray Romano said, the launch sequence to the end.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? Not to feel pressured or hurried, but also feeling like you're not killing your day sitting at the computer staring at. At endless amounts of porn.

[Gina Grad]

45 minutes.

[Allison Rosen]

45 minutes. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's respectable.

[Gina Grad]

All right, That's a good amount.

[Allison Rosen]

So. Because when you get beyond 40, when you realize you've dedicated.

[Gina Grad]

An hour into this, I just realized I've done this. I've had my laptop open and seen that I'm the boop comes up and says, you're now on reserve Power. You got to make a choice.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

You get up and get that cord. This is your invention, but you've found a way to monetize it.

[Allison Rosen]

I think there's a way we can do this as an app or something. I really do.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure.

[Giovanni]

If I may be so bold as to interpret your first 10 minute theory, like, goldfish grows to the size of its bowl, you know what I'm saying? Like, if it's 10 minutes, then you condition yourself to have a good six to eight minute session every time. It's 45 minutes. You condition yourself to have a 40 to 42 minute session every time. I think Pete was looking for efficiency.

[Gina Grad]

I think that, yeah, I was trying.

[Allison Rosen]

To bang it out quicker he'd understand what I'm saying. What I'm saying is. Sorry, I do not want to ruin this experience for you. I'm just saying.

[Gina Grad]

No, I get it now.

[Allison Rosen]

To me, I've realized that since it's endless, it's a fool's errand to just spend four hours staring at the titties on the Internet.

[Gina Grad]

Appreciative you'll find the right person and you'll stick with them. I was porn monogamous for 10 years.

[Allison Rosen]

Really? Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

When I first started looking at porn, I had one person that I really just loved.

[Allison Rosen]

What was his name? So he had one. Really, it was one person.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, well, I mean, you know, I'd dabble, but this is the day of dial up. So it's kind of like your system. You'd find them, you'd be like, I know, I like this person. And we're done. And you know what? I think that was better. They say now to reset yourself, you need to be off porn for like 30 days and that'll get you back to normal. If you started looking at like high speed porn later in Life, if you're 12 and you started looking at it, you've got like a decade under your belt. Yeah, you need more of a detox.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, so they. Who are the they and what is the situation they're helping you detox from?

[Gina Grad]

Basically, people.

[Allison Rosen]

Who? Pete's parents, my dad.

[Gina Grad]

My dad keeps coming in and I'm like, dad, I put a sign on my door that's in 45 minutes, please, with a picture.

[Allison Rosen]

Why can't I turn your computer on, son? 47 5. You know, we're locked out. I grew up, so I want to get some tickets online.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I'm sorry, nobody seeing once the musical this year. Sorry, Pops. I used to have My. Because I grew up super Christian, I would ask my friends to put passwords on my computer for me. That's like a big thing to stop.

[Allison Rosen]

Yourself before you wax again. So I would have to call him, like, the wolf.

[Giovanni]

Virtual chastity belt.

[Allison Rosen]

It was.

[Gina Grad]

It was like, lock me up. Lock me up.

[Allison Rosen]

Put me in the cage.

[Gina Grad]

It's a full moon tonight.

[Allison Rosen]

So right now that you've abandoned your Christianity in every religion, 45 minutes would be your lockout time. Yeah. And then what would you be comfortable for if you exceeded that 45 in terms of your computer being dead?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, it's only if I exceed it that it locks it down.

[Allison Rosen]

You have to exceed it, and then it locks it down. So I'm gonna let you set your max. Once we set the max. If you go beyond the max, you're locked out. I understand it's a punitive part, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you just keep doing 45 sessions back to back?

[Gina Grad]

Great question that is.

[Allison Rosen]

No, you're locked out. Once you get 45 minutes, you're locked out.

[Gina Grad]

I bang one out, count in four minutes. Can I then come back and do I still.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah, you have 45 minutes, or whatever you set it to. I think if you exceed that, you're locked out.

[Gina Grad]

If you come, you have to hit the space bar twice. And then it's like, all right. Everything else has to be spreadsheet.

[Allison Rosen]

There are no rollover minutes, though. We don't get to put that into the next session. 45. For you, it's 45. See, I would go a little lighter.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

I try to be a little more efficient about it.

[Gina Grad]

Save more time.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I'd put it. I'd mark it more 25.

[Gina Grad]

25 is all you got?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, again, you're gonna commit. You'll thank me when you're done. That's 20 minutes. You could have to writing jokes. I usually. God knows what right when I come.

[Gina Grad]

I go, thank you, Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm saying. When you're coming. But yes. No, I mean, would you put it at 45? I'd move it down a little. That's me.

[Gina Grad]

I could be persuaded to do a 25.

[Allison Rosen]

25.

[Gina Grad]

I'm talking to the guy that. My first poll was.

[Adam Carolla]

You wanted 10.

[Patrick Warburton]

10.

[Adam Carolla]

That is your first poll.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that was just you saying what you could do. Now I'm. You're comfortable. Like Brian.

[Giovanni]

I would go low. I would try and go like 15. I'm ambitious, but I don't want to condition myself to a 25, you know, session every Time. I want to condition myself to a shorter session.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but why put that. You can go 15, but why put that pressure on yourself? You're trying to, you know, enjoy. It's the same stressful day.

[Giovanni]

The same reason you. You do the one one one in the microwave. It's like. It's just an efficient way to live your life better.

[Allison Rosen]

Doing a minute, you know, safe time.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you go back? This is the part I'm not getting. So let's say you. You meet your times now. You get up, go to the bathroom, do whatever you do.

[Allison Rosen]

If you meet.

[Adam Carolla]

If you meet again.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, here it is. I'm going to lay this out very quickly. If you meet your time, you get your computer. If you exceed your time, you get locked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but let's say you have a session and then 10 minutes later you want to go again. Oh, that's totally fine.

[Allison Rosen]

You've not exceeded.

[Giovanni]

As long as you're under the session, you get the computer back.

[Gina Grad]

But you have unlimited sessions and a session is defined.

[Allison Rosen]

Do whatever you want. It's just I'm. I'm. I'm counting on you not beating off 13 times in a row.

[Gina Grad]

That's a big assumption.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. That's what I was saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not worried about that.

[Gina Grad]

I think you need to set it. You get one a day. One jerk to porn a day? Look, I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Harsh, all right? You get one a day, you get 25 minutes. What is the lockout time? Once you exceed, if you exceed your time limit.

[Gina Grad]

If I exceed. To make me take it serious, Two hours is serious. It's like, fuck, I can't do that.

[Allison Rosen]

So we do 25 minutes.

[Gina Grad]

25.

[Allison Rosen]

2 and 2.

[Gina Grad]

25, colon 2. That's how we write it into the Software. I'm a 25.

[Allison Rosen]

And once a day.

[Gina Grad]

And once a day. It's gotta be once a day.

[Allison Rosen]

Imagine how much. Imagine how much more you'd get done if that was just. Those are now the ground rules.

[Gina Grad]

I agree.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

Too many. Too many options. I keep returning my painting, Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

You go 15, 2, I go 15 3.

[Giovanni]

If you allow, I go 15 45. It's like playing poker. You double the blind, I triple the limit.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't like 45. It's not punitive enough for me. I need an hour plus.

[Gina Grad]

I agree with that.

[Giovanni]

I'll try and get away with an hour then. Okay, 15 and 60.

[Allison Rosen]

You go 15 and 60.

[Adam Carolla]

And how many times a day do you want, Gary?

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry.

[Giovanni]

As many as I can.

[Allison Rosen]

Gary. What do you got?

[Gina Grad]

Unlimited?

[Allison Rosen]

I think I'm gonna go 2090.

[Gina Grad]

You guys are.

[Allison Rosen]

2090.

[Gina Grad]

2090 is a good answer.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a good answer there, Dawson. I was going to say 80. 20. Yeah. My. My grant. Flip it around.

[Giovanni]

Thinking outside the box. Right there.

[Gina Grad]

There needs to be.

[Allison Rosen]

There needs to be a punishment. Yeah, I know that's the 20, but what I'm saying is that if he exceeds an hour, beating off for 82 minutes and then making yourself a sandwich for 19 and a half minutes and then coming back for round two, hardly punishment. No, the number.

[Dr. Bruce]

Aha.

[Allison Rosen]

The punitive. Here's what I will say. Ah. The punitive number needs to be four times what your first number is. So if you'd like to give yourself an hour, fine.

[Giovanni]

So my 15.

[Allison Rosen]

You screw up, you're going five hours.

[Giovanni]

Okay?

[Allison Rosen]

You see what I mean? 15 will get you 60. Now, Pete, if you're going to go half hour, you can get two hours worth of punitive time. If you want to be a hotshot like Brian over here and go for. If you want to go for five minutes, fine. Your punitive time's not going to be that long. Your punishment time's not going to be that long, but you still only have five minutes. Yeah, that's what it is. It's a ratio.

[Gina Grad]

It's funny though, this whole read. The whole reason I brought this up was to say, like, I think we should stop looking at porn so much.

[Adam Carolla]

As opposed to making it a sport.

[Gina Grad]

All we've done is used all the creativity.

[Allison Rosen]

What I like to do is have two computers. All right, Dawson, if you want to go 80 minutes, then you're gonna have to have like seven hours of punitive time. That's what I'm saying. All right, all right. I think the sensible. I think the sensible time would be 20 minute with an 80 minute punitive. Not bad punishment.

[Gina Grad]

Not bad.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

He does bring in the second device, though. That's the problem again. Look, all you're gonna have is a bunch of guys with the app on the computer, then they're jerking off bathroom with their phones.

[Allison Rosen]

This is me saying, I'm gonna put some snacks out. There's a little kitty feed some change into it. It's just the right thing to do. You know what I mean? At a certain point, if you want to just run in high on elephant tranquilizer and grab the whole thing and run for the parking lot, I can't stop you. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna be able to stop you. I'M just saying this is a nice little way to sort of stay on your diet. Allison Rosen, you've been on a diet?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

You do have, have.

[Adam Carolla]

You have women. I. I was not born perfect.

[Allison Rosen]

I've been on diets, too. And you have little tricks that kind of. But it's up to you. You know what I mean?

[Patrick Warburton]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

No one's forcing my finger down my throat. That's because I have grit.

[Allison Rosen]

It's up to you. That's right.

[Gina Grad]

Is that what True Grit was about?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, absolutely. All right. Should we do some news? Alison Rosen. Let's do that news with Allison Rosenberg.

[Dr. Bruce]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Allison Rosen]

It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

So the Dodgers were found partially liable Wednesday in the brutal beating of Brian Stowe. He was awarded nearly 18 million in damages by a jury at the conclusion of the civil lawsuit.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I say this? What? Really? Let's just say, you know, look, here's the deal. There's no way somebody is going to be beaten to a pulp like Bryan Stowe was, and you're dealing, and it's on the property of an organization that's worth $2 billion without him getting several million dollars. That's just the system. That's how it is. If he was on the front lawn of a house in Pacoima, he'd get zero. Right. And he was in the parking lot of the Dodgers, he's gonna get $15 million. But let's just say there were some security guards in the area or like there should have been, or whatever, you know, whatever his attorney claimed.

[Adam Carolla]

Wasn't there enough security?

[Allison Rosen]

A guy punching, first off, security doesn't stop somebody from punching another guy in the face. And then in terms of kicking you in the head, the security that I'm.

[Gina Grad]

Aware of, I'm just picturing Paul Blart, mall cop.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Him coming up on a segue is not going to. I'm saying if they had their guys in their windbreakers and their pepper spray, they would have been several yards away.

[Adam Carolla]

They said there was also not enough lighting that night.

[Allison Rosen]

Somebody would have punched somebody. And the time it takes to punch someone in the face, their head hits the concrete, and then the animals start kicking them in the head. Who's really going to prevent that? And, yes, I agree. If there's a ton of lights and a ton of cops and a ton of everything, this is the fault of the fucking Animals that punched this guy and attacked him in the parking lot. And I know there's this deal where it's like, look, somebody's going to have to pay. But again, it's kind of like 9 11. Like some animals took over an airplane and flew it into whatever. Not everyone. Shit happens. Like, not everyone needs to. Needs a payout. And I know it's one of these things where it's like, hey, the Dodgers are rich. What are you going to do? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Former owner, Dodgers owner Frank McCourt was found not negligent. So the lawsuit accused the Dodgers and McCourt of failing to provide proper security and lighting on the night Stowe was beaten. The lawsuit was filed on behalf. On his behalf by his parents.

[Allison Rosen]

If it was a day game, they would have made the same thing and they would have gotten the same check.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, did they?

[Adam Carolla]

And on behalf of his son and daughter. Sorry, What?

[Gina Grad]

I didn't know. Did they pay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, they're going. They just. The decision was just made. They weren't.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's an interesting point.

[Gina Grad]

I wonder if it were a day game. I wonder if they.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, they would have just. They would have dropped the lighting part of the argument and just said there wasn't enough security around.

[Gina Grad]

The lighting part is a good part of that argument, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Yeah. They just. Look, the deal is, you're worth 2 billion bucks. We're on your property. He's never going to be the same again. Let's just give us something. And that's the way it works.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

It's like people that jump in front of roll.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The jury of six versus donkeys, men and six women, listened to 20 days of testimony during the four and a half week trial, which began on May 27th. They visited Dodger Stadium in a secret trip. Secret jury field trip. So here's.

[Allison Rosen]

I've been the worst juror in the world because it's like, we need to go to Dodger Stadium. We need to walk the parking lot. I got a pretty good feel for what asphalt looks like. No, we need to get in the bus and we need to go there.

[Gina Grad]

We just pan over.

[Patrick Warburton]

You got a huge foam finger.

[Gina Grad]

You're eating a dog.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam, people have cameras, right? Can't someone just go out there with a video camera?

[Giovanni]

Environment is like in a parking lot.

[Gina Grad]

Scene with peanut shells.

[Allison Rosen]

This is serious. Jesus Christ. No brown mustard. Just yellow mustard for this pretzel. This is a complete disaster.

[Gina Grad]

Now, if you look over here, the lines indicate where cars should park. Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so here's sort of interesting way that they went about it. So jurors were asked a series of eight sequential questions.

[Gina Grad]

Jurors.

[Adam Carolla]

Jurors. Beginning with what? There's too many Rs in that word, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Mom died of the jurors. Yeah, she went swimming in her nighty.

[Adam Carolla]

Now she's got the jurors beginning with whether the Dodgers or McCourt were negligent. If either party was determined negligent, jurors had to determine whether that negligence was a substantial factor in causing harm. They determined that the acts of Stowe's two attackers were a substantial factor in that harm.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

The two men. Well, he. Listen to this, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Substantial, please.

[Adam Carolla]

But the two men were determined to have 37.5% of the responsibility for that harm. Isn't that surprisingly low, oddly specific number. The Dodgers were found to be responsible for 25% of the harm. Well, here's the rest.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's an argument I might make. Let's say the two guys that attacked him were never born. Do you think he'd still have fucking. Would he still be brain dead? Like, I'm gonna go ahead and just round up well past 50% when it was their boots and their fists that were balled up and hitting this guy repeatedly in the orbital socket. But anyway, 37. This is our society's fucking falling apart. I really mean it. Look, the guys who attacked him were fucking animals. And they need to be dealt with like animals. And we need to stop saying yes. But what about McCourt? What about the lighting? What about the guy put the lighting up? What about the guy put the asphalt down? It was too hard. You know why I don't like this? Because it takes away from what the actual problem is. Guys being violent, being drunk, not being able to contain themselves. The idea that the guys who turn this guy into a vegetable are less than 50% responsible for turning him into a vegetable. It's not a good finding. And I don't think we would have found that way 100 years ago. I think it would have just been those guys.

[Gina Grad]

Is a finding like that. While I agree with you, it is strange. Is it kind of like an admission that we all have, like, a certain amount of evil inside of us, and that's why we have policemen with guns and laws and things keeping us in check. Like, just keep it to the lighting. It's like malls are so well lit. That's why we like going there. You feel safe and all that sort of stuff. Stuff. So we all kind of have this capacity to get blackout drunk and do Something really stupid. I'm certainly. I'm not speaking in their defense.

[Allison Rosen]

Hear what I got from this interview? Addicted to masturbation. Blackout drunk with violent tendencies causing mayhem.

[Adam Carolla]

Super into milk porn.

[Allison Rosen]

Super into milk porn.

[Gina Grad]

Well, isn't that my point?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just saying, trust himself enough to let himself out at night away from his precious porn for fear he may attack a citizen. Listen, Does a perfect rolling.

[Adam Carolla]

Who knows what happened. Darkness.

[Gina Grad]

Well, we can either look at our dark side or we can just pretend like it doesn't exist.

[Allison Rosen]

Our dark side, huh? Interesting. I always included us into his.

[Giovanni]

Wrote me into that.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, my God.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so I. Listen, I. I don't think Brian Stowe had it coming, but Pete. Pete and I disagree on that.

[Giovanni]

I don't have an opinion.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't have to sit here and attack them. The ear entitles to your opinion.

[Giovanni]

Sorry, clarifying earlier point. I think the 37.5% responsibility is each individual guy because combined is 75. And then Dodgers 25 would be 100.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, look, who knows how to do math?

[Gina Grad]

I think my admission of evil isn't as bad as your math skills. It's been more off putting to me.

[Giovanni]

Otherwise, it's a wildly oddly specific.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. 37 each. Okay. There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I'm 30. 34.

[Allison Rosen]

75. 30, 25 for the Dallas.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so Opie of Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton, also of Opie and Anthony show, announced they will continue the Opie and Anthony show on Sirius XM without longtime partner Anthony Kumia. There was speculation that they would leave to show their support for him. However, their contractual obligations keep them with the show until October. Hughes confirmed the show would return next Monday. Kumia will be returning to the airwaves as well. He.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, they were on vacation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He confirmed that Live from the Compound show, which previously aired from his home, will continue and will become his primary outlet. He said, quote, I'm getting the Live from the Compound show up and running, handling some logistics stuff and getting the stuff together. In the meantime, I'll be putting out a couple. Couple promos. I'm definitely ready. Hoping to air the first week of August. And as for Hughes and Norton continuing the show without him, he gave their his blessing, saying, I understand the position they've been put in. I love those guys. I completely get it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I mean, they got to make a, you know, it's their livelihood, hands are tied contract.

[Giovanni]

Well, are they still going to call it open?

[Allison Rosen]

Anthony, It's a good question. I don't know, the hands aren't tied. I mean, they can leave if they want.

[Giovanni]

Oh, so they're contractually obligated to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but aren't there? Can't you always.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's how. There's two pieces of the law I find interesting. One is whenever you talk about something and you go, yeah, but what's he gonna do? And someone always stops you and goes, look, anyone can sue anyone over anything at any time. And then I always go, then why are we having this fucking conversation over whether or why? If you can just sue anyone anytime over anything, then who gives a shit? Number one? Number two, any contract conversations I've ever had with my agents or anybody else has always ended up with this. Look, if you just don't want to go, don't go. They can't make you do it. So every showbiz contract is, oh, they sign you up for three years, and if you don't want to do your third year, you can stay home. They can do whatever they want.

[Gina Grad]

He's going to prison for not going back to work on Monday.

[Allison Rosen]

On the other hand, their livelihood, you know, but you don't. You don't have to also. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, the fans, too. I mean, I'm sure even Anthony is kind of like, yeah, keep the show going. You don't want to just kill it.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. I wonder if he could be their first phoner Monday morning. He'd be a guest on the show.

[Giovanni]

ISDN for the rest of the year.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

A weird loophole.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You know, to me, it's kind of about what your part, like what the other party thinks. You know what I mean? Like, if the party. If the other party. If Anthony said, oh, my God, you're not going to go back and work for those backstabbing fucking pricks, are you? You gotta weigh that in. If the person says, look, do your job, you have my blessing. I understand completely. Then that's a completely different situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you guys ever pulled that on anyone or have that pulled on you? And I know that you wanted Drew to wait to sign something because you wanted to sort. Sort of negotiate together, Right?

[Allison Rosen]

I got screwed over a little by KROC and Drew and Loveline and my former. Or his former. My old manager at the time and that kind of stuff. Yes, but. So I got screwed over on that. But then when it came to the man show, we did four seasons, and then Jimmy got his ABC late night show, and then they wanted me to do a fifth season sort of either on my own or with another partner of My choosing or what have you. I never wanted to continue doing it without Jimmy. With sort of. We weren't put together. We created the show together. And I just thought, well, I'll just go on with him to ABC and I'll write on his show. So it never came down to a situation where I said, hey, pal, have fun at abc. But they're offering me a lot of money to stay here at Comedy Central, which they were. I don't know what his reaction would have been. I expect he would have respected it by never speaking to me again. No, I'm assuming he probably wouldn't have been in love with me doing a fifth season of the man show. Without him, I don't think he would have done anything about it. I think we still would have remained friends, but I don't think he would have, like, really relished the notion of me doing it. What ended up pissing me off is Comedy Central just kept fucking asking me out to lunch and just begging me to do a fifth season. Because it's like they don't have that many hit shows. And when they do get a hit show, it's just this pony they want to ride until the fucking thing just collapses in the desert. You know, they. They just keep flogging it until it can keep going. So if you're going into season five of a successful show, there's no such thing as the two guys who star in it going, thanks, but no thanks. We're good. They're going, what? This is. It's at its height of its popularity, and even if the show's not what it was, it doesn't matter. We get to say the man show Wednesday night, Comedy Central, 10 o'clock. And we kept having these lunches and they kept. They said, look, we'll pay you $50,000 an episode or something like that, and you can do whatever you want. Do it alone, Pick a partner, do whatever you want. Just do the man show. And I said, no, thanks. I'm gonna just go with Jimmy over to abc. It wasn't like I was that loyal. It's just like, we did 100 episodes. It was done. We did it. Here's my friend we created together. I don't want to do it with Joe Rogan or somebody else. And I just split it. And then later on, Entertainment Weekly did a whole review of the new man show. And it said, after Comedy Central performed its corolaectomy and Kimmel made its ill fated move into late night, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, Corolaectomy they were trying.

[Adam Carolla]

To do a Corolla graft, for Christ's sakes.

[Allison Rosen]

And I'm like, why, thank you.

[Gina Grad]

That's very good.

[Allison Rosen]

Why would you say that? And I know why you would say you don't like me, but. But you don't want to do a little homework on that. Where do you get your story? Other than not being a fan? And it was the exact opposite of what actually happened. But also Entertainment Weekly. How much do you know about entertainment? You said that Jimmy was making his ill fated move into late night 12 years ago. Now I think he's done all right.

[Giovanni]

Seems like a poor call.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. All right. But either way, not fans. So, yes, I got screwed over by Dr. Drew.

[Gina Grad]

Who can say that?

[Allison Rosen]

Not many people can say that.

[Gina Grad]

You know who really fucked me? Dr. Drew. You know that Dr. Drew also. Mario Lopez once stabbed me.

[Allison Rosen]

He lunged at me. Thank God he was drunk and missed. Yeah, Dr. Drew's just paranoid. He just took the money. And Loveline offered me, like, one third the money that we were currently making. They offered favored. I don't know. They're fucking nuts. They basically, we're both making the same amount. It's like favored nations for a decade. And then our contracts came up, and they said to me, we'll offer you one quarter. Drew. He'll get paid the same. We're not going to change. But you will get offered. Will offer one quarter of what you were making before.

[Adam Carolla]

Was that their attempt at performing a colonectomy?

[Allison Rosen]

I would say yes, yes, yes. I mean, usually when people.

[Adam Carolla]

They weren't trying to keep you, it.

[Gina Grad]

Sounds like it's like when you don't want to do a show and you're like, sure, I'll come down to Amish country with no mic in a barn 2pm show. I'll do it for $300,000.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what I mean?

[Patrick Warburton]

It's the opposite.

[Allison Rosen]

Leave me alone. Yeah, this is that. Yeah, I'm sure they didn't want me back. I mean, that's certainly the way you'd get somebody not to come back. Although I'm not sure why they wanted to remove me from the Loveline equation. Because if you take a look at what happened to the Loveline franchise after I left, it's lost a little bit of. A little bit of steam. The thinking at the time was we got Dr. Drew like a 1930s gangster plotting a burglary.

[Gina Grad]

Well, you might look at that bank and see when it clicks. Yeah, lost a little bit of steam.

[Allison Rosen]

A little bit of steam. Didn't have the 22 skidoo that it had when the ace man was at the helm. You see what I mean?

[Gina Grad]

You just want a doctor analyzing your calls. Not quite as entertaining, is it?

[Allison Rosen]

Listen, listen, boys.

[Gina Grad]

That was some executive's idea. Yeah, it's just the doctor no, the.

[Allison Rosen]

Way they think and know the show that.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I'm just joking around.

[Allison Rosen]

No, radio people are stupid. Radio people go, look, the doctor. There's the franchise. We can get anybody to look at any comedian or any host or anybody to come in and do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Super funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, that's. They don't know what super funny is. They just. They don't give a fuck. And they also think it's the format. Like, oh, it's the format that's the killer thing. The players are interchangeable. So I was like, all right, you want me to leave? I'll fucking leave and have fun with your show. Well, have fun. There you go. Go check. Ask, how many markets is Loveline in? Was in over 100 when I left.

[Gina Grad]

Do you. So this beef with Dr. Drew continues?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I told him, look, I said to him, look, I have nothing against this.

[Gina Grad]

I told him, listen, you motherfucker, I will break your teeth. I'm gonna burn down your childhood like.

[Allison Rosen]

A Giants fan in a parking lot, Dodger stadium. I'll be 100% responsible for what happens to your face. No, I had a conversation with him where I said what you did. It was really disappointing to me. But I also know that you're a good person. And I also know that you have a lot of really good qualities. And I know this particular act wasn't one of them. And so this is the way I feel about it, and I'm telling you about it, and then we can move on.

[Adam Carolla]

That's so healthy. What was his reaction?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, whatever. That's what he said. He said, thanks, and we moved on. And we've been great friends ever since. I able to compartment because I know he's a good person. He's not a bad person. He is worried about money. Probably his wife and his manager got a little bit involved and said, sign the contract. Sign the contract. And he does what people tell him to do. And I realized that the bird in.

[Gina Grad]

The hand is worth two Corollas in the bush.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I said.

[Gina Grad]

And Crolla loves being in that bush. Am I right? Sound effect me.

[Allison Rosen]

So I told him I was disappointed. And then we moved on. And we've been great friends ever since. And I don't know. I Think there's a difference, I don't know if you guys. Of separating an act, like a sort of a singular act from a person's sort of general fabric.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I think a lot of people can't be. And I think sometimes I'm one of them. Can't be that clear headed about it. And when someone does something that hurts you, you're just like, it kind of overtakes your ability to recognize that, no, this is still the good person that I have this relationship with.

[Allison Rosen]

You know why? Even though it was a really fucked up thing to do, which was he signed his contract and left me dangling with no money and no place to go, essentially. Even though it was a really fucked up thing to do, I never. And I think this is the difference hopefully between me and others and we should all be more like me, which is this.

[Giovanni]

Hear that everyone?

[Allison Rosen]

I never take anything personally, even though I'm supposed to take it personally, or maybe you would take it personally. I took it as has. It's strictly about money. He wanted money, he got pressured to take it. I know he's nervous about this topic. He has kids and blah, blah, blah. And he made the decision in a sort of vacuum. And it wasn't. See everyone else would go, oh, he fucked me, he fucked me. Yes, he did fuck me. That's not why he did. That's not why he signed the contract.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, when you think about it, even something that is directed at you, this is what you're saying, it never really is personal. It's always motivated by what's going on inside that person.

[Gina Grad]

Everybody's the star of their own own movie. That's a big life lesson not to take things personal.

[Allison Rosen]

And if somebody could have said to him, you can sign your contract and check this magic box and not fuck over your partner, Adam Kroll, he would have done, oh, fuck, give me the paper, I'll sign it in a second. So he didn't want to do it. So.

[Gina Grad]

But that's some evolved thinking. I don't, I don't. You don't see enough of that. That sort of idea that you need to put yourself in someone else's shoes even if they do something horribly fucked. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's, it's not even, I mean, thanks, but it's not even that evolved. It's just more like I'm not narcissistic enough to think that that person was attempting to fuck me.

[Gina Grad]

That is evolved. That goes back to the cameras on the photos, on the camera.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's like somebody rear ends you in your car. Like I don't get out of the car screaming because I know that person wishes this didn't happen as much as I did.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

They still fucked up.

[Gina Grad]

But I still see people screaming when they get out of their cars.

[Allison Rosen]

Right now the guys who beat Bryan Stow, that is a different situation.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's interesting when you do elevate the ingredients. One of Alison Jewish Are you Jewish?

[Allison Rosen]

Brand.

[Giovanni]

I'm not God, no.

[Gina Grad]

I forgot this is a rabbinical thing. I forgot where I read it. But it said an all knowing God is an all forgiving God. And that is the extreme interpretation of what you're saying. Meaning if I push you or something, we're in line and I push you and you're like, that guy's an asshole. That's one step of thinking. But then if you're like, if you knew that person day, if you knew what was happening, if you knew just what physical pain they were in, emotional pain they were in, what was going on in their lives, you would understand why they pushed. Because we all have the capacity to push someone in line. It does get tricky when we start talking about unfortunate, very unfortunate stories of people getting beaten. But when you really look at like, you know, morality, it is interesting to consider.

[Allison Rosen]

I just, because of how I grew up, just sort of in a non whatever, just environment where I didn't exist. Never really think that other people's decisions are made directly at me. And it's kind of a long and shitty life if you think everyone is doing everything with you in mind. And it's also very narcissistic. He simply wanted money. That was it. Now I could be offended that he wasn't thinking about me, but that's what the reality was. He wasn't thinking about me. He was thinking about his mortgage. And that's why he signed his contract. And I understood it.

[Adam Carolla]

But then you can get into things where it's like, but fuck, I would have thought about you.

[Allison Rosen]

I would have. But I've never. I wasn't willing to call him a bad person for all because he did one thing that was bad for me and good for him. Because all because I knew who he was and I knew he was not that person. And it does drive me nuts when people know other people and they know who they are and they know what their motives are and then they think they've become a bad person. It's this thing every once in a while I would say to my sister when she'd be like, well, you know, my parents were good to you but not good to me. And I was like, you really think that's how parenting works? Like, they were great with me and shitty with you. They're either great with both or shitty with both. And occasionally things vary. But it's not like my dad was super dad with me and shit dad with you. He's just him.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone thinks that you had the great parents.

[Allison Rosen]

My sister would tell you that. Which I find, I find fascinating. Ah, Deer Hunter, everybody. Everyone here, Corolla One Studios can't stop playing Deer Hunter 2014. Big guns, big, big animals, a lot of species, 100 different kinds of animals, and we get to shoot them all. I eat them because, you know, I'm like Ted Nugent. Wild animals attacking you, bullets flying everywhere. It's addictive. And I tell you, you get a free. You can get it free on the App Store at Google Play. So I don't know if you do better than free. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

What if it was a ticket game? Like, you could play Deer Hunter and it gives you tickets and then you redeem them at the gift booth for, like, a carcass.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, here you go. Mounted. Yeah, I'd like some head cheese to go, please. Millions are playing Deer Hunter 2014, and you can, too. You can give it a try. And again, you can give it a try for free. It's a blast. It's available on the App Store and Google Play. All right, let's do one more, baby girl.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, according to recent survey, at the age of 39, men lose their sex appeal and become, quote, invisible to women. And the biggest sign of being invisible is not being, you know, checked out or approached by women during a night on the town. At 40, men are looked at more as father figures than sex symbols. Other factors for loss of sex.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, tell that to the whores that are sitting next to the world's most interesting man.

[Gina Grad]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Include thinning and graying hair, a double chin, and bad teeth.

[Gina Grad]

This is horseshit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know that I believe this. I'm wondering.

[Gina Grad]

The person that wrote that was like, I'm on a deadline. I'm sorry. They had to write something for fucking.

[Allison Rosen]

The ghost of Paul Lynn wrote that.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm so sorry.

[Gina Grad]

I had to say something bad about old men.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it depends. I mean, it depends, obviously, like, if you're 39 or 40 and you're powerful and you're. There's all these ways to still be attracted.

[Gina Grad]

Clooney, One word rebuttal.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, of course these are exceptions, but have you guys noticed? Do you ever have days where you feel less.

[Gina Grad]

You can be 40, you know, I. I went to such a square college. You can be 40 when you're 18. I know kids that wore the baggy jeans and the crocs and the fucking untucked polo shirt and going to the mall looking.

[Adam Carolla]

You're talking about yourself.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I've turned around, but that. That sort of idea. Like men. One of the great features of being a man is not feeling like you have some sort of expiration date. I don't really think women do either. I think some of them age wonderfully. Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Giovanni]

Hey, is mil porn and granny porn two separate things?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that's guil porn. Jesus Christ.

[Allison Rosen]

Stupid about porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Mil porn just their.

[Dr. Bruce]

How do we get back here?

[Adam Carolla]

Or are they lactating?

[Allison Rosen]

We never left.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we never left. What makes it mil porn? Just their age?

[Gina Grad]

No, in fact, milfage is a code for a curvy woman. If it looks like you've probably had a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Gina Grad]

I know, it's bullshit. I get really upset when some of the girls I like, it's like, chubby girl. I'm like, that's a regular woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I hear you, sister.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

Preach it. You've been listening to Cat Vibes with Pete and Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

That. That does have to be a sobering eye opening moment. Like, you know all those diet commercials are like, after I saw a picture myself at the family reunion down by the lake, that's when I knew I needed to. When I did porn and they put me in the chubby chaser department, they filed me. Because you don't tell them where you're going. There's some dude.

[Gina Grad]

Nobody runs the title of the clip by you.

[Adam Carolla]

We're putting you in fugly chick porn.

[Gina Grad]

Desperate fatty blows a hot dude.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Dr. Bruce]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

What the shit? What the fuck? That's when I knew I had to take my diet into my own hands.

[Gina Grad]

That's a Weight Watchers commercial rating. I read the comments on my X Tube video.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, if you really want to devastate a woman, have her shoot a porn and then just put her in the chubby chaser department. And that will.

[Gina Grad]

That's a very good prank.

[Allison Rosen]

When we did the man show boy and he would go, we sent him down to Melrose. I've told a hundred times, but I'll tell Pete. We sent him down to Melrose and he had him go help old ladies across the street in a boy scout uniform when he was nine. He went up to like 36 year old women and said, let me give you a hand, ma'am. And they were like, what? He's like, I'm trying to get a merit badge for helping old ladies across the street. And they all just had this look that washed over them. I am not old. And he just went like, you look old to me. And they were like, no, no. Like, we all knew this day would come, but I can't believe it's come today. And I came down to fucking Melrose.

[Adam Carolla]

To buy some sensible shoes.

[Allison Rosen]

That is terrible. And they were just like, no, no, I'm not old. He's like, yeah, you are. And they're like, no, but I mean, that same place that could take place in porn.

[Gina Grad]

Most things could.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I think that's. You know, what's tragic about that is that's how it is. Anyway, I'm not an old man. But when you are an old man and someone comes up and is like, can I help you, sir? And you're like, what are you talking about? I'm 22. He just locked on that age.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

No, you are old. And that's exactly how it'll feel. And you won't be on the man show. Sign the release.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Should we bring it home, baby girl?

[Adam Carolla]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Tibet. No one's forcing my finger down my throat. That's because I have grit.

[Dr. Bruce]

That was the news.

[Gina Grad]

How'd they cut and paste that so fast?

[Allison Rosen]

Ask bald Brian.

[Giovanni]

They're brilliant.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it's you.

[Giovanni]

They're really good at their job.

[Gina Grad]

It's you. It was you this whole time.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of pace, can you stop talking about porn for just five minutes while I talk about Go to meeting. Clients, vendors, co workers. Hard to get them all in the same office. They're all out of the country. They're all over the world. They're all over the United States, parts of Canada. That's why millions of businesses rely on GoToMeeting. Brought to you by Citrix. You can meet via your computer, your smartphone, your tablet, whatever you like. Hold as many meetings as you need in your virtual space. Share the screen and documents in real time. Turn your webcam on and start your meeting. We use it here.

[Gina Grad]

Turn your webcam into a webcam.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

Let them know I'm available for copywriting.

[Allison Rosen]

Another series Pete enjoys on the computer. We use it here. You should use it there. Try GoToMeeting. Free. 30 days free. Visit GoToMeeting.com Click on the Try it free button and use the promo code. Adam. And let me just say this because I apologize. I screwed up. You made it weird. We discussed. Pete's got a lot of live dates.

[Gina Grad]

This is horseshit.

[Allison Rosen]

Playing cobs, please. I'm trying to plug your dates. Cobbs in San Francisco. Great, great venue this weekend. That's 11th and 12th.

[Bald Brian]

This is horseshit.

[Allison Rosen]

Also going to Montreal and also helium and Buffalo.

[Gina Grad]

All the heliums.

[Allison Rosen]

Portland, more dates. It's all coming up. And here's the deal. Just go to Pete home. Sorry, Adam. You know your job. Pete Holmes dot com. Find out all the dates and go see Pete weave his magic live. Boston's.

[Gina Grad]

I'm doing Boston too. So this is horseshit.

[Allison Rosen]

Until next time, it's Adam crawler for Pete Holmes. Allison Rosen ball. Brian saying mahalo. Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

It's on Instagram.

[Giovanni]

And for our final clip today, we have a listener request. If you'd like to make requests, Please email us classicsamcola.com this one comes from Mark J. He said March madness is around the corner. Loved. Adam interviewing Jay Moore's coach, Tony Bennett.

[Allison Rosen]

I beg.

[Giovanni]

Well, beg no more, sir.

[Allison Rosen]

Enjoy.

[Giovanni]

Adam Carolla, show up. So 2149 featuring Jay Moore, Russ Roberts, Gina grad, and Brian Bishop from 2017.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one sp for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting, Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with betonline. Betonline, the game starts here. Do you have that scene from the specialist?

[Patrick Warburton]

We're still looking. Oh.

[Dr. Bruce]

How about buster? How about weissmuller?

[Allison Rosen]

And we need Weissmore. And we need the scene from the specialist where he's talking to. We're looking at Tarzan.

[Dr. Bruce]

That looks like Bill Hader.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm Danny Weissmother.

[Allison Rosen]

They named Tarzana after Tarzan.

[Dr. Bruce]

Tarzan.

[Allison Rosen]

Tarzana.

[Dr. Bruce]

Tarzan.

[Pete Holmes]

Toto loves that song.

[Allison Rosen]

Tarzana. Yeah. Oh, Droopy. Seems like you'd be singing about Tarzana instead of Rosanna.

[Dr. Bruce]

I like to sing about Chatsworth.

[Allison Rosen]

Usually I sing about amateur cuckold filmed in Chatsworth.

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, they need a bull.

[Allison Rosen]

They need a. Huh?

[Dr. Bruce]

A bull.

[Allison Rosen]

A bull.

[Dr. Bruce]

A bull.

[Allison Rosen]

A bull.

[Dr. Bruce]

Grab the bull by the horns.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, a bull around.

[Dr. Bruce]

But I do the old switcheroo. They think I'm the bull, and then I ignore the lady and I just tell the husband, you're gon. Listen, I'm so happy alter.

[Allison Rosen]

I know the character's been done a thousand times, alternative lifestyle derpy dog. But this one is the best version I've heard.

[Dr. Bruce]

Wait, who else does that?

[Allison Rosen]

SNL did one back in the day.

[Dr. Bruce]

No, no, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Franko does a great Droopy Dog, but it's. It's not edgy.

[Giovanni]

Turn it up to definitive.

[Dr. Bruce]

No, I'm putting my flag down on this moon.

[Gina Grad]

That's mine.

[Allison Rosen]

We all had someone in our high school class that would do an alternative lifestyle droopy dog.

[Giovanni]

Spacey. Does it kind of go to space.

[Allison Rosen]

He does a good almost everything, but. Yeah, you wouldn't know.

[Dr. Bruce]

Kevin does Bald Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

True.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's very personal time.

[Allison Rosen]

What if Droopy Dog did Bald Brian? What would that sound like?

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, I can see my reflection in the back of your head.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, now we know who's where.

[Dr. Bruce]

I need new tags. Apparently, my phone number's rubbed out.

[Giovanni]

You'll learn a lot from doing ball drive.

[Allison Rosen]

You really can.

[Giovanni]

We'll see about that.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, but maybe you just need a nice bomb.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. Get ready with the news, Gina grad. I'm dying to find Rod Steiger because I just feel like you will. We're purchasing the movie right now. You're buying it. Rod Steiger. Hey, it's the least we could do. I'll enjoy a great.

[Dr. Bruce]

I can make it very quick.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Dr. Bruce]

Buddy Hackett told me. Marlon Brando told him about Rod Steiger from On the Waterfront.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

In the back of the car when he goes, ah, come on, Terry, I had some money on you. And he goes, oh, Charlie, no, no, I'm a bum. He hated Rod Steiger so much because that movie's fascinating, because it's like Carl Malden and Brando are new. The new acting of. Just like the next guy to throw a beer bottle is gonna get punched in the nose like he's the cool priest, right? And Brando's just, like, emoting all over the place. And Steiger's locked. Like, half the cast is locked into that. I'll tell you something else, fella, right?

[Allison Rosen]

And everybody 22 skidoo.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, there's. I don't like the country. The crickets make me nervous.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Dr. Bruce]

And then in the backseat, he hated Steiger so much that when he goes, oh, no, it was because he hated what Ron Steiger was saying and the way he was acting. And he goes, no, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it was.

[Dr. Bruce]

It wasn't about the dialogue.

[Allison Rosen]

It was.

[Dr. Bruce]

Look, he hated Rod Steiger's acting.

[Allison Rosen]

So he's like, oh, Rod Steiger was a major movie star for.

[Dr. Bruce]

What do they call you in Philadelphia? Boy?

[Allison Rosen]

Many, many years. And at the very end ended up with Stallone and James Woods.

[Pete Holmes]

That's where everybody wants to end up.

[Allison Rosen]

And Eric Roberts putting on a crazy Cuban accent and maybe one of his last roles in the Specialist. And it's always, I look forward to that day in my career, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

With James woods and Sly.

[Allison Rosen]

No, not for me. Not for me. No. I'm going to end up playing like the coach in a reboot of Saved by the Bell. And I'll be like, Coach Lame Laneman. And I'll be 73 and I will go down in history as Adam Carolla. Yeah, he played Coach Lane, Right? Yeah. Anyone will remember he'd make those jokes about his fallen arches. And that'll be any. That'll be the only thing anyone. That's your disagree with me.

[Dr. Bruce]

You could take it under the arches. Not my fallen arches. They're killing me.

[Allison Rosen]

Big laughs coming out.

[Dr. Bruce]

Kid laughs. It'll be a sitcom, maybe three cameras.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it'll be what Agnes Moorhead was to us. I'm sure she was a big picture. We all know the references of the stage back in the day. And a legitimate Broadway actress and stuff. I was like, oh, that was his mother in law. That was Darren.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's a really good point. Like, you know, Norman Fell was in like Ocean's Eleven.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, Right. Norman Fell as the kooky neighbor from the three's company, the Roper. Right. He'll end up as Mr. Roper. Little of it is the era. If you end up in the 70s, it's a real disaster. But I'd love to know, like the greatest example of that sort of major talent, you know, when they're in their 30s and 40s, end up as sitcom mom in the 80s. And that's all they ever really get credit for. I mean, there are a thousand examples. But I'm trying to think.

[Dr. Bruce]

Agnes Moorhead's a big one. And this is something. Had I known coming in, I would have had like probably four for you.

[Giovanni]

Specific to my childhood. But Orson Welles was. Ended his career very ignominiously as the voice of a transformer, the bad Transformer.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, really?

[Giovanni]

An animated film? He was Unicron such to the point that he didn't even know what he was doing. He came home on one of his last, like, like, recorded things. He said to someone like, oh, what are you working on these days, Orson? He's like, I place a horrible robot that does horrible things to other horrible robots. Like, he didn't even know what he was doing. When I was older, I was 7 years old, and I came out later in my life, like, oh, Orson Welles, the guy who was the voice of Unicron, was also the Citizen Gang.

[Allison Rosen]

Tell me more.

[Dr. Bruce]

Rose Bud Voltron. Bad Boss Bumblebee.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a pretty good example.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

For Transformers fans, that's a fun.

[Allison Rosen]

Paul from Grace. Yeah, I think he used to do, like, Gallo wine commercials. Gallo plus Chablis.

[Dr. Bruce]

The Meltdown online is him doing something for peas. And he goes every June, peas. Show me how to make this work and I'll go down on you. This is an impossible copy. And it's like you have June and you have a picture of people harvesting peas. It doesn't make any sense. Let's just try it. He goes, you're going to tell me to try it? I mean, it says peas. Shouldn't the shop be of peas?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I love it.

[Dr. Bruce]

It's no. It's no Lee. Ilia.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, we'll see if we can find that rant.

[Dr. Bruce]

He's in the January man, too. That's Tiger. He's got that great rant in the January Man.

[Allison Rosen]

Did he ever win an Academy Award? I bet he did.

[Dr. Bruce]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Now you got to find out what he did after the Specialist. So I think he. Oh, and the other guy. Oh, who was in Soylent Green? There's another. Another, like a guy Greenest people. No, his sidekick was like a old Humphrey Bogart. Not Humphrey Bogart, but like an old stalker one. No, not Edward G. Robinson. Edward G. Robinson. One of his last movies was Soylent Green. Just weird. They get in the 70s.

[Dr. Bruce]

I liked it. Was it the Ten Commandments?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Dr. Bruce]

That was a great cast.

[Giovanni]

Best actor for. For in the Heat of the night.

[Dr. Bruce]

Absolutely terrible.

[Giovanni]

1968.

[Allison Rosen]

I knew I'm the only one.

[Dr. Bruce]

Sidney Poitier's bad.

[Allison Rosen]

And how many movies did he do after Special? Anyway, all right, let's do a little news. And Gary will Frank.

[Dr. Bruce]

Call me Mr. Tibbs.

[Allison Rosen]

Give me the news with drag News with Geno Grad. Breaking viral. All those crazy truck tweets. Give me news with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East, Celebrity drunk Meltdown. Seek news with Gina. Gina. The news with Gina grad.

[Pete Holmes]

For the first time in about four years, Richard Simmons may come out of seclusion. An LA judge scheduled a Wednesday morning hearing in the fitness gurus lawsuit against the National Enquirer two summers ago. The tabloids front cover story claimed that Simmons was transitioning into a woman named Fiona. They wrote how Simmons had undergone gender assignment surgery, including breast implants, hormone treatments and consultations.

[Allison Rosen]

Hold on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if it was a.

[Dr. Bruce]

Interrupter, so she goes fast, but it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Do we do gender reassignment or they have assignment now.

[Pete Holmes]

This is the first time of the time. Yes, it's the first time I'm hearing it as assignment.

[Dr. Bruce]

But Tony Bennett just got reassigned. I'm a lovely lady.

[Pete Holmes]

There's an interesting sort of loophole twist to this. So to this day, Richard Simmons, still a man. In May, he sued the National Enquirer for invasion of privacy and defamation. But here's what's crazy. The tabloid filed a motion claiming defamation should be off the table because in their words, in these modern times, being referred to as transgender cannot rationally be held by a court to impute negative characteristics. So we're not saying it's bad, we're just reporting it.

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, it's kind of, well, a lie. So we'll just change the language that you reported.

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of an interesting argument, which is if someone would have told Rod Steiger reported that Rod Steiger was becoming a woman, he'd go, well, that hurts my career. But then you have Caitlyn Jenner, who's probably made more since this proclamation, and you can no longer say it hurts anymore than you could say, I guess you couldn't say gay or lesbian so much. Much would hurt your career. It's an interesting counter argument that, hey, in these times we're living in and the city we're living in, it's not gonna.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the one saying it's bad. We're not.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. You want to hear Rod Steiger, J. Moore.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, of course.

[Giovanni]

Trent.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know the Chief of police. Trent is going to work with us on this problem. Chicago Cuban.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, he was a former employee.

[Dr. Bruce]

Of the CIA and he is an explosive expert. And I think he can be a big help. I don't know. This has become very public and I'm.

[Giovanni]

Sure you want to keep a low profile.

[Allison Rosen]

That's Todd Steiger's younger son.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, please do.

[Allison Rosen]

I made that up.

[Dr. Bruce]

Be hard for netting on notice, if you know what I mean.

[Gina Grad]

Me?

[Giovanni]

Good Guess I don't know why you're laughing.

[Dr. Bruce]

You more involved here than keeping a low profile? I'm going to tweet about the president in 50 years.

[Allison Rosen]

James. James. To say that I'm the one you can trust. Which is the main word here.

[Dr. Bruce]

Why he sound like Brando?

[Allison Rosen]

James. What? Sounds different. Clean.

[Dr. Bruce]

Our bomb boys are some of the best in the world.

[Allison Rosen]

Really, Chief? Well, I hope that's true. All right.

[Dr. Bruce]

I love Eric.

[Allison Rosen]

He looks like he's. I want to hear Rod Steyer one more time. Time. Just take it from there.

[Dr. Bruce]

Talked over his big thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Find a way to protect the business.

[Dr. Bruce]

Don't forget that.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Giovanni]

Rod Starger was in several more films over the next almost decade. He was in Mars Attacks. He was in number one.

[Dr. Bruce]

Number one movie. He was in Hurricane Jerry Maguire came out Mars Taxes.

[Allison Rosen]

Denzel Washington.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sorry. Wait.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

No, sorry.

[Giovanni]

Was the Jill.

[Allison Rosen]

Huh.

[Giovanni]

And he's also in the End of Days. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[Allison Rosen]

Films hadn't worked a lot. He worked a lot. He must have worked until he was in his 80s or something.

[Giovanni]

2002, when he passed away, but never.

[Allison Rosen]

With a great Cuban accent like that.

[Dr. Bruce]

Ops center with Tom Clancy, the Specialist. Strange.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, all right.

[Dr. Bruce]

He was in a Colombo episode.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, let's keep going. All right.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, today's American dad is slightly older than dads from decades past. According to cnn, the average age of a father of a newborn in the United States increased from about 27 and a half to 31 between 1972 and 2015. Meanwhile, a little bit more of a breakdown. Asian American dads of Japanese and Vietnamese mostly were the oldest fathers the study found.

[Allison Rosen]

Yep. Their ages, of course, because they're the most successful. Like when you put that stuff off, you're more successful.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

The earlier you do it, the less successful your group is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep. Upwards of 36 years old when they have their newborns. More years of education, of course, also correlated with fatherhood happening at an older age during this 44 year study period. Typically, fathers with college degrees are just over 33. They have a baby.

[Allison Rosen]

All these.

[Dr. Bruce]

Rod Steyer's last movie was Pool Hole Junkies.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what we remember.

[Dr. Bruce]

Christopher Walken, which, if you guys find it, is maybe the best speech by Walken ever.

[Giovanni]

It's a good movie.

[Allison Rosen]

There's one swear better than James woods and the Specialist when he went into the Miami bomb squad division and told them how it was done. Because we've seen that one and that was pretty awesome.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'll Give you the first two sentences that you tell me. You ever watch those nature shows on the cable? You ever see the one about the lion?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that.

[Patrick Warburton]

I got it.

[Allison Rosen]

That one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you got it.

[Dr. Bruce]

This is my ringtone every morning is what I wake up to.

[Allison Rosen]

You watch those nature documentaries on the cable?

[Dr. Bruce]

Russian's Way Off.

[Allison Rosen]

Jesus.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You see the one about lions? Yeah. Look at this lion. He's the king of the jungle. Huge man out there. He's laying down under a tree. You're going to have to do this in a second. He's so big, so hot. He's so hot, he doesn't want to move.

[Dr. Bruce]

Now, the little lion cubs, they start messing with him. Biting his tail, biting his ears.

[Allison Rosen]

He doesn't do anything. The lioness, she starts messing with them. Coming over, making trouble.

[Dr. Bruce]

Still nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, the other animals, they notice this and they start to move in the jackals.

[Dr. Bruce]

Hyenas, they're barking at him, laughing at him.

[Allison Rosen]

They nip his toes and eat the food that's in his domain. They do this, and they get closer and closer and bolder and bolder, till one day that lion gets up and tears the out of everybody.

[Dr. Bruce]

Runs like the wind, eats everything in his path.

[Allison Rosen]

Because every once in a while, the lion has to show the jackals who he is. It's too late to be scared. It's time to kill everybody. I'm going to the other room. You come out when you're ready. All right? You got to recreate that entire thing.

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh, good.

[Allison Rosen]

But that. You said it's better than Rock Steiger on helium. No, that was awesome. You want to do half that.

[Dr. Bruce]

But I've never seen that movie the.

[Allison Rosen]

Specialist or the pool.

[Dr. Bruce]

The Specialist I have behind my eyelids like Clockwork Orange. They peeled them open, they tattooed it inside. So when I close it, I see Eric Roberts with an almost mullet going, what are you, a fan? What happened, Charlie? What, did she rob you? Did you smack her around?

[Allison Rosen]

Eric Roberts is great. Eric Roberts is great because back when they made movies where guys had to be an asshole, you had to be an asshole 24 7. Like, he'd come into his house and kick a cat. You know, like you just had to do it.

[Dr. Bruce]

Did you say the way the pussy was looking at Mitchell Hooch, that's like he saw Stallone.

[Allison Rosen]

He saw Stallone, like, looking at him on the sidewalk and he's like, stop the car. Gets out of the car. Everyone always forgets how buff Stallone is. Like, in real life, if you saw a real buff guy standing There, like, a little less. He, like, comes around, walks around, gets in his face. Like, he would be stabbed seven times a week if that person actually existed. Because buff guys who are standing on the sidewalk and eyeballing you, they have their own space. And when you invade it, they tend to kick your ass.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's why nobody bothers me and you, ace. Man, they just bug Ray because Ray's a skinny guy.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right, Randy.

[Dr. Bruce]

We're buffed. We do anytime. We're max guys. We're not rep guys.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah. Not rep max.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm hammered. I can't do 12 reps. I'm drunk.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah, you can't. No, but you can throw a lot of weight around.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, I like to do the pyramid. You know, you started like, 135. You get up to, like, 185, do that like six or seven times, and then like, 225. I jack that twice and then just put it back. I do push ups.

[Allison Rosen]

What are you putting on the hack slide these days?

[Dr. Bruce]

Hack slide? I'm up to, like, £800. I'm like Vinny Testaverde.

[Allison Rosen]

Strawberry strong, really strong.

[Dr. Bruce]

He's the strongest player of the Jets.

[Giovanni]

Odd metric for how strong you are.

[Dr. Bruce]

You better watch him out. He's Sicilian. Cut you off and feed you with a sauce.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I had a lot of lower body on. On Vinny. Look.

[Dr. Bruce]

Speaking of bodies, look at Gina, bro. I think I could hit that. Yeah, no, with my hands. I'm talking about when I get drunk. I'm tripping on Molly. I've been rubbing her shirt for the last two hours. It was Dawson's beard before I got in here. I'm glad to see you. You're looking good. She was all over me. But you know what? She's a virgin. She don't do nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

She doesn't.

[Dr. Bruce]

She's a good kid, though.

[Allison Rosen]

She's a good kid.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Well, maybe you can hook up.

[Dr. Bruce]

Me and Gina.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yeah, I like.

[Dr. Bruce]

I like to sleep crazy. That's my new thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Sleep crazy.

[Dr. Bruce]

I like to wake him up. Oh, I'm hammered. I got the wrong bedroom. But don't, you know, keep your mouth shut. Let's get going.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Allison Rosen]

So, I mean, you guys, you just fall asleep next to him and then in the middle of the night? Yeah, It's a sleep creep.

[Dr. Bruce]

Sleep creep?

[Pete Holmes]

Sounds like more of a sexual assault.

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah, well, some people call it rape, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Not you.

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, not a good girl.

[Allison Rosen]

You call it sleep creep? Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

I mean, you want to be a bad Girl, go ahead. Get everybody involved.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but how do you get. How do you get into bed with them in the first place?

[Dr. Bruce]

You go into the house and you go like, hey, Daddy's home. You know? And they're like, what? You're not my father. I'm like, I didn't say I was your father. I said I was your daddy. But I'm happy. But they smell the booze, and my brother used to it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, right, right.

[Patrick Warburton]

Kind of.

[Giovanni]

Girl.

[Pete Holmes]

They know what time it is.

[Dr. Bruce]

They do know what time it is. It's us about 2:45am yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's weeknights.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

I tried to get ready to get into it. He goes, bro, I don't even know whose house this is. I'm like, this is your sister's house. Like, we all know whose house this is.

[Allison Rosen]

Come on. Are you working, Randy?

[Dr. Bruce]

Am I working? A little bit. I'm doing carpeting up in Carpenteria. I thought that was kind of weird, right?

[Allison Rosen]

So redundant.

[Dr. Bruce]

They're pulling my leg. They're like, you want to do carpeting? I go, yeah, where do you want me to be? Cuz I. You know, I still got the van.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

With the wolf on the side. I teardrop window. They can come up to Carpenteria. I'm like, you know what? If you want to do jokes, go talk to Ace, man.

[Allison Rosen]

I was up north doing plaster work in Placerville, actually, which is not the.

[Pete Holmes]

Same, but it's where I left my placenta.

[Dr. Bruce]

She left. She did, kid. No more placenta. She gave birth to that kids with a placenta out the window. Placenta.

[Allison Rosen]

This is where the guy in Australia just kind of tunes out. Tunes out about.

[Dr. Bruce]

No, we don't. The Australians, they love all the local references.

[Allison Rosen]

They do local.

[Giovanni]

Emma, they like it.

[Dr. Bruce]

When I said cuckold as the other guy, he was like, oh, I know what that is.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, right, right, buddy.

[Dr. Bruce]

We need more joints in here. You can't roll, like, one joint. Have him set up for, like, two hours. Dawson's gotta get his act together with that raspy voice. That's why he's hoarding on the pod.

[Allison Rosen]

He's hoarding the pod.

[Dr. Bruce]

Don't ever buy grass from that guy. He takes like three hours to clean it on a black album cover, like, back. And I'm like, buddy, I'm good. Just get. I'll take some seeds. Let me get out of here. I gotta see a Portuguese girl.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't mind, Shake? You don't mind, Shake.

[Dr. Bruce]

I don't care what it is as long as I get them inhale it or snort it or drink it. I like to party. Adam, I don't know if you know that about me.

[Allison Rosen]

Nah. But. But you like kind of everything.

[Dr. Bruce]

I do like everything. Whatever you got, you know? Like, where was I? Oh, at Bill Simmons house. He goes, oh, I got a Bartles and James. I'm like, well, those are my DUI lawyers. Let's get it going.

[Allison Rosen]

Randy, you still got the van with the wolf sticker on it?

[Dr. Bruce]

Well, it was. Yeah. People don't know it's a sticker. You're kind of blowing my cover. I tell them I painted it myself, and Latina girls, they like that. They like a man that can paint with his hands into a wolves. I go down to Linwood.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah. Down in Linwood, they do it. Yeah, La raza.

[Dr. Bruce]

I just yell la raza. Out the window. And they're like, who's that guy you don't have now?

[Allison Rosen]

You used to have a Camaro with the thrush muffler, woodpecker with the cigar hanging out of his mouth. Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

That didn't end well, kiddo. That's when I got my 14th DUI. I was with Derek Fisher. We rolled it when we were going to Matt Barnes house to take shots at his old lady.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, man. It was like fast times at Ridgemont High when they got Palisades High.

[Dr. Bruce]

We picked up Forest Whitaker on the way, and he's like, I want to go for a ride with you guys.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's smart, Randy. You do an amazing Forest Whitaker. Yeah.

[Dr. Bruce]

You didn't prepare me for going all the way up to do something else far away.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So, Randy, you're.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's probably the really you're doing impression.

[Allison Rosen]

You're doing a little work.

[Dr. Bruce]

You're working up as little as I can. I've been fishing, kiddo, off the Venice pier. I caught a mackerel.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you're fishing off. They say there's mercury in those fish.

[Dr. Bruce]

They go, don't eat it. It's got mercury in it. I'm like, well, how come I can eat fish out of Malibu? And then, like, four miles south, I'll. There's all this mercury poisoning. It's the tide. It's going to go everywhere. But what do I care about mercury? I've smoked crack. I drank Listerine. Like mercury is going to affect me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you're right. You know what?

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm sober, though. By the grace of God.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you hired? You're sober?

[Dr. Bruce]

Oh, no way. But, yeah. I don't do anything, man. I'm clean. My judge might be listening. So I'm Judge Bonaventura.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, really?

[Dr. Bruce]

Yeah. Big mama got it all. Hooked me up with him.

[Allison Rosen]

Big mama got all knows. Oh, so she's got all. And she takes care of you as well.

[Dr. Bruce]

He's Tony Bennett's cousin.

[Allison Rosen]

Big. Oh, sorry.

[Dr. Bruce]

The coach of the Virginia Cavaliers. Not the singer, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, different guy.

[Dr. Bruce]

You know, the coach of the Virginia Cavaliers had a heart attack during the tournament, like a mini I. He took a knee, like, oh, they had to take him out. And he was trending on Twitter, and it was like, get well, get well. Oh, my God. Tony Bennett tweets. Hey, I'm okay, everybody. I'm healthy as a horse. I'll see you at the Borgata Theater on Friday night. And he got like 30,000 retweets. His next tweet was, my heart goes out to Nancy Sinatra and the loss of Frank Jr. 40 retweets. It's okay, though. I'm all right. Why don't we go to zone coverage and if they get up six, we're.

[Allison Rosen]

Going to go, man.

[Dr. Bruce]

And give them 60 minutes of hell. I need somebody to box out. Fundamentals. The fundamentals. Low. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Hips.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's your rebound. Go get it.

[Giovanni]

Is this 22nd time out, coach?

[Dr. Bruce]

22Nd time out. I just want to tell you guys I love you and thanks for remembering. Now, please tuck in your shirts. I don't want us running win sprints. Coach, 15 seconds.

[Giovanni]

It's a one point game.

[Dr. Bruce]

Why, you're worried about the time? Now, that referee owes me a lot of money, so just do me a favor. Go to the rack. You're gonna get the foul call.

[Giovanni]

Ten seconds, Coach.

[Allison Rosen]

Call.

[Dr. Bruce]

If you don't, it's your fault. Free throws. You're gonna get cut through. Thank you, everybody who saw my Italian hair dryer.

[Allison Rosen]

I love it.

[Giovanni]

Tony Bennett, basketball coach.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's go.

[Dr. Bruce]

Box three.

[Allison Rosen]

I love it.

[Giovanni]

He's less an X and O guy, but more of a players coach.

[Dr. Bruce]

I would like to be a players coach. I treat you like men. I expect you to be on time. Football's way easier because I don't know any basketball play. Let's go to the 22. Personnel. I want a jumbo, two tight end, two running backs. We need to protect Brian. If he's on his back, he can't throw.

[Allison Rosen]

I love it. I Love that.

[Dr. Bruce]

Where's O.J. howard?

[Patrick Warburton]

Who's O.J.

[Giovanni]

Howard?

[Allison Rosen]

Whose hair is pubier? Tony Bennett's.

[Giovanni]

It's pretty puby.

[Allison Rosen]

Or who's the black professor that goes on Bill Maher and calls everyone Dyson.

[Dr. Bruce]

Dyson. Oh, Cornel West.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Cornell West.

[Dr. Bruce]

That's not pubie at all. That's like, I don't know if you.

[Allison Rosen]

Closed your eyes and had to just put your hand. It's pube. Cornell west or Tony Bennett. And I said, you just close your hand. You got to put it on this Tiger woods.

[Giovanni]

I am 100% convinced that cornel West's hair is real. I can't give you the same percentage for Tony Bennett.

[Dr. Bruce]

I took a trip on a train and I went to the store to get the elastic ban.

[Allison Rosen]

How is it singing with Lady Gaga?

[Dr. Bruce]

She's a wonderful young lady. And I remember when we were recording, she said something and I said, I can't hear you whenever I periscope. And somebody will just tweet like Tony Bennett doing Van Halen. The only band I'm stumped on is Bad Brains. It's impossible. But Tony Bennett, like doing Van Halen. Tony Bennett doing Pearl Jam. And it's like this weird.

[Giovanni]

He doesn't mean offer teacher.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'm sure I got a belt. Got a belt. I got a bell. I'm off a teacher. Little girl from Cherry Lawn. How could you be so bold? I didn't know the golden rule.

[Pete Holmes]

I like it better.

[Allison Rosen]

I like it.

[Dr. Bruce]

Why don't you lay down, Take off your top. I swear to God, Mike Evans, if you don't run the right slant route, it takes a while to develop. Don't get jumpy. Let the wash clear out. There's gonna be a pick set for you. Just have your hand. Hands open.

[Giovanni]

Tell me he knows his stuff.

[Dr. Bruce]

Tell me the great thing about Mike Evans. He catches a lot of. Well, Mike Evans a bad example. So the great thing about Vincent Jackson, he catches a lot of passes in traffic.

[Giovanni]

The good thing about Vince Evans, he catches a lot of passes in traffic.

[Dr. Bruce]

I'd like to know why he's always in traffic. There's a reason he's in traffic. Oh, my God.

[Giovanni]

Separation.

[Dr. Bruce]

I know the routine for Jameis Winston at the Crab Black Buffet team crowd. Oh, I hit crowd on the spot.

[Allison Rosen]

I love it. I love it. I love James. I am a huge Cornel west is.

[Dr. Bruce]

I love Cornel West.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, you like the turtleneck and the ascot.

[Dr. Bruce]

Everyone brought whatever he does, but he. It's not pubie. It's more like poodle hair.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm kind of. You closed your eyes. I'm looking to be diverse racially.

[Dr. Bruce]

Tony Bennett looks like coaches like Clemson 40 years ago. Like, all right. He looks like an old SEC coach there.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he does. I bet he's wearing bike shorts with a double snap on it if they. If they ever panned out.

[Dr. Bruce]

Why do you take a knee?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's my motivational podcast. Let me tell you, I'm doing it.

[Dr. Bruce]

With my man Hench.

[Allison Rosen]

Let me tell you.

[Dr. Bruce]

Hench. You get the book coming out?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I can't wait. What?

[Giovanni]

That is it for today's Crawl classics. Until next time, mahalo. And get it on.

[Patrick Warburton]

Pluto TV has all the shows and.

[Allison Rosen]

Movies you love streaming for free. That means laughter is free with gut busting comedies like the Neighborhood Boomerang and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Bueller Mystery is free with countless cases to crack from Criminal Minds Tracker and Matlock.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

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[Patrick Warburton]

Pumping hits like the Walking Dead and.

[Allison Rosen]

Pulp Fiction Correct the mundo.

[Patrick Warburton]

Feel the free Pluto TV stream Now pay never.