Patton Oswalt + Cousin Sal (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Adam Carolla Show Episode Title: Patton Oswalt + Cousin Sal (Carolla Classics)
Release Date: December 26, 2024
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Patton Oswalt, Cousin Sal
Produced by: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla engages in a lively and humorous discussion with his regular contributors, Gina Grad and Brian Bishop, alongside his cousin Sal. The episode delves into personal anecdotes, societal observations, and comedic rants, capturing the essence of the show's signature unfiltered style.

New Year's Resolutions and Family Dynamics

Gina Grad initiates the conversation by reflecting on past holiday experiences, highlighting the challenges of excessive gift-giving. She shares a personal story about her family's reaction to her bestselling books, emphasizing the lack of genuine engagement despite her success.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "What happens is you have that thing where it's all about the holidays when you're a kid... But now there's nothing you can get me that I won't have thought of or bought myself for the most part."
  (Timestamp: 04:16)

Challenges of Pet Ownership

A significant portion of the episode revolves around the difficulties of having puppies in the household. Gina recounts her New Year's resolution to cease acquiring puppies due to their disruptive behavior and the ensuing chaos they bring during holidays.

• Key Points:

  • Puppies causing messes despite training.
  • The struggle to balance family time with pet responsibilities.
  • Gina’s decision to wait for older, more manageable dogs.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "And we have the rogue step family... And we have another thing... and then the dog just shit on the puppy pad so we don't have to."
  (Timestamp: 07:55)

Dining Out and Food Discontent

Gina and Brian express their frustrations with restaurant food quality, particularly focusing on the prevalence of processed and "fake" cheeses that ruin their dining experiences. They emphasize a preference for authentic, high-quality ingredients and lament the overuse of artificial flavors in food.

• Key Points:

  • Dissatisfaction with pepper Jack cheese substituting regular Jack cheese.
  • The inconvenience of ordering specific food types and the resulting poor meal quality.
  • Comparisons to similar frustrations with other processed foods.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "So I did 10 minutes on that with Hench and then walked up to the counter... It's like, I just fucking need some cheese clarity."
  (Timestamp: 16:17)

Critique of Mass Culture and Consumerism

The discussion shifts to a broader critique of consumerism, particularly during the holidays. Gina articulates her disdain for overconsumption and the psychological impacts of unrestricted gift-giving on children's appreciation and self-esteem.

• Key Points:

  • Overwhelming children with gifts leading to diminished value and appreciation.
  • The role of participation trophies in fostering entitlement.
  • The negative effects of excessive consumerism on family dynamics.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "Giving kids presents fucks them up. Giving kids, giving adults, welfare fucks them up."
  (Timestamp: 12:05)

Disneyland: An Extended Metaphor for Society

Using Disneyland as a metaphor, Gina and Brian explore frustrations with long lines, overpriced services, and the elitist nature of certain business models. They draw parallels between Disneyland's systems and governmental inefficiencies, critiquing the concept of paying extra to bypass standard procedures.

• Key Points:

  • Discontent with Disneyland's valet services and premium pricing.
  • The comparison of Disneyland's paid front-of-line options to governmental systems.
  • The societal implications of allowing wealth to dictate service accessibility.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "But everything sorta reflects that. I know it... it's exactly how soft we're getting..."
  (Timestamp: 32:19)

Political and Social Commentary

Gina provides a scathing critique of government spending and taxation, arguing against the notion that increasing funds to the government leads to better services. She advocates for reducing government expenditures and improving efficiency rather than simply allocating more resources.

• Key Points:

  • Opposition to continual tax increases and government spending.
  • Analogies comparing governmental inefficiency to a sports team relying on star players without improving other members.
  • The call for accountability and fiscal responsibility within governmental operations.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "I just don't think that there's anything that we can give the government that will ever A get rid of the deficit and B, slow down their spending."
  (Timestamp: 66:56)

The Impact of Media and Celebrity Culture

The conversation touches upon the influence of media and celebrity culture, with references to figures like Jimmy Kimmel and Patton Oswalt. Gina shares her experiences with celebrity interactions and the superficiality she perceives in certain media portrayals.

• Key Points:

  • The superficial engagement between celebrities and fans.
  • Gina's personal encounters with celebrities and their impact on her perceptions.
  • The commodification of fame and its effects on genuine relationships.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "She's such a horrible person... It's like, how many times can you say something like that?"
  (Timestamp: 86:11)

Closing Remarks and Sponsorships

The episode concludes with brief mentions of sponsors and upcoming segments, maintaining the show's blend of humor and candid discussions. Gina shares her excitement about future live shows and projects, while Brian teases upcoming content related to the show’s archives.

• Notable Quote:
  Gina Grad: "So keep kicking ass, keep building, keep growing. Thanks to you guys, I'll be in Westbury..."
  (Timestamp: 172:13)

Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of personal stories, societal critiques, and humorous banter. Through discussions about family dynamics, consumerism, pet ownership, and institutional inefficiencies, the hosts provide insightful and entertaining commentary on various aspects of everyday life. The inclusion of guests like Patton Oswalt adds depth and diversity to the conversation, solidifying the show's reputation for candid and engaging content.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based solely on the provided transcript and may not capture all nuances of the actual podcast episode.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Gina Grad]

Well we're on a holiday break, but enjoy Corolla Classics until we return. Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's free.

[Cousin Sal]

I love free and I love Jersey Shore.

[Gina Grad]

For me it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Cousin Sal]

I am Patrick.

[Gina Grad]

Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on criminal minds solving crime after.

[Adam Carolla]

Bedtime, whatever you love to watch.

[Gina Grad]

Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never.

[Brian Bishop]

Kroll Classics I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Caroll Show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics with ad free archives exclusively available through Adam Corolla substack. That's AdamCarolla.substack.com check it out, sign up get access to many more ad free shows as well as the new podcast Beat it out featuring Adam and Jay Moore. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcorla.com all right, coming for our first clip today we have Adam Carollo show 984. This one's featuring Allison Rosen and Brian bishop. It's the 2013 State of the Union Show. This was a nice little fun chunk. I thought that felt very post Christmas that would fit in well.

[Gina Grad]

Hey fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of The Adam Corland Dr. Drew Show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be Jay Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring. You subscribe [e-mail] substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack. Couple of interesting things went to Christmas party at my sister's ran into you know how I always marvel at how uninterested everybody in my family is over what I do, especially things like books and things like that. When I say uninterested, I don't mean mean spirited. And I understand the part where it's like I'm not their cup of tea creatively or whatever. But I would have questions for me, like, how many of those things did you sell? Or like, what's it take to get on the New York Times bestseller list? You got to sell 10,000 or 100,000? Is that the most sold? And does it count in the audio or the E books? I'd have questions.

[Brian Bishop]

For me, people are more interested in their lack of interest.

[Gina Grad]

I am fascinated by their lack of interest. I wrote one book and I've never discussed it with anyone in my family. And then I got a second New York Times bestseller book and I've never had a discussion with anyone in my family about that either. But I do have the rogue step family and they're normal, so they do a lot of hey, what's going on with this? And I got an extra copy. Could you sign it for my friend Tony? I work with him. He's a big fan. I get a lot of that out of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Just highlighting the weirdness of your actual copy.

[Gina Grad]

It does kind of underscore it. Yeah. It's like if a chick's a six and she's got a little bit of an ass and bad skin, and then Heidi Klum stands next to her, she drops down three notches.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I have a lot of hot friends and I've always felt like if I hang out with them, then people will just think, oh, she's one of them. But maybe I'm actually making it worse for myself.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe I should hang out with you guys.

[Gina Grad]

No, no. Like, yeah, you'd be like a coyote hanging around with a bunch of purebred German shepherds. And everyone would go, like, if I'm drunk enough to fuck that coyote, I'll let that coyote blow me. So I have a step cousin named Kim, and her dad who passed away recently is named Gabby, who's originally my. You know, everyone's a step. Everyone's a half. Everyone's confused. I have no idea how it goes, but she's really nice woman. She's a couple years younger than me. I grew up with her, essentially. And she said, there's a picture in the book of all of us on the porch of my mom's shack that I grew up in. And she and her brother and her dad are all on the thing. And she said, hey, somebody told me about your. It's always some, like, God forbid anyone just go out and go, hey, I guess this guy I've known for 40 years has got a book. Maybe I should go. But somebody sent them or told them or did something, something. And they sent them the picture. They showed them the picture of all of us on the porch, and she was a little cute blonde girl standing there in a little flower dress. And she said, I've never seen that picture before. I don't even have that picture. Where'd you get that picture? I said, I don't know. I just, like, found it going through some old shoebox full of pictures. And she said, yeah, I went online and went to Amazon and I read quite a bit of the book. Pretty good. I said, well, now I'm rich. Now I'm rich. It's like, thank you. She's like, no problem. And I thought, did she realize there.

[Adam Carolla]

Was sarcasm when you said thank you?

[Gina Grad]

No. Nobody. I think that's. I think whenever I say thank you, people take it as sarcastic. At least I hope they do. I mean, even if I was pulled from a river.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I hope that that thank you would be taken.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to be a dick about it.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you. Yeah, I hope it's always taken sarc. But it's just a weird thing. But first off, it's like, what's it gonna take for someone to squeeze the trigger on a $13.99 book? Like, you're already on Amazon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

How many books are there with pictures of you in it?

[Adam Carolla]

A little more than one picture of her, evidently.

[Gina Grad]

Should have got a second picture, right?

[Brian Bishop]

That's a great sales point. How many pictures are there with books out there? Pictures of you in them?

[Gina Grad]

Wait till paperback, then I'll make the move. This is the. Have the old picture. You can go to AdamCarolla.com and take a look at it. But I thought, wow, my family's really committed to not being committed. That's her on the right. Those are my two front doors, as I always like to laugh at. And that's the entire miserable brood. But like I said, the commitment to what's it gonna take? We've established just a picture of you in this book and a picture of your dad and a picture of your.

[Adam Carolla]

Brother and stuff that she's never seen before. Maybe there's more.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe there's more. The guy who you essentially grew up with wrote it. It's on the New York Times bestseller, can't be that bad. And you're already on Amazon. You click that mouse over and get a used one. 9.99.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you can accidentally purchase things on Amazon. I feel like you'd be more careful not to click.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, but she did tell me she read a fair bit of it via the Amazon sample thing, which started to get me pissed off at Amazon.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. How much are they giving away?

[Gina Grad]

If this is enough to satiate my cousin, then a perfect stranger, you know what I mean? Like the person who has a picture of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect stranger. Has read too much.

[Gina Grad]

Has read enough to know that they're not squeezing the trigger on that. Oh, you got the. Used at $12.46.

[Adam Carolla]

Seemingly a little rich for her blood, evidently.

[Gina Grad]

All right, but I'm saying there's a picture of you and your brother and your dad in it. So who's the joke?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you, I guess so.

[Gina Grad]

All right, so. And that's as close as. So that is officially the most book related conversation I've had.

[Adam Carolla]

Did other relatives overhear this conversation?

[Gina Grad]

If they did, they quickly tuned out. You know, like when you're on the subway and a black dude's yelling at his old lady, you do that move, you know what I mean? You're not gonna get any eye contact.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe it's cultural.

[Gina Grad]

I don't understand. We don't understand. You can't judge. And you could get hit with like, you know, just. There could be a collateral fist for you too. So let's mind your own P's and Q's. Bury your face in that People or Us magazine.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever been next to the person who refuses to bury their face, though, and decides it'd be a good idea to get Involved, it's always a small woman who's a little bit drunk.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, it's true. Yeah. And way too old. Well, there's a point. There's a fighting age. And that fighting age is somewhere around like after your period starts to 10 years after your period stops. That's your fighting age. And then at some point you become Judge Judy and like, what are you gonna do? Punch out a 71 year old woman?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Gina Grad]

You get a pass so they can come up and go, excuse me, sir, I don't excuse you.

[Brian Bishop]

Excuse me.

[Gina Grad]

I don't think it's polite. And you know, you could be talking to an ex linebacker in the NFL, but that guy can't pound her. She's nothing. Now I'm a regular sized dude who can't come up to that guy because if I come up to that guy, then we might have to scrap. I'm in fighting range, age and size.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're right. You can't get the Estelle Getty Judge Judy pass.

[Gina Grad]

Right? Right. Yeah. So she could do it or a nine year old, you know, whoever could come up and do it. But when you're in that fighting age, that fighting 14 and a half to 15 to like 55, depending on if you take care of yourself or not. No. I had a couple. Speaking of confrontations, you know how I never stop complaining that everyone is just getting worse and worse and worse, and especially young people, and everyone has an excuse and there's no more, like, well, you know, the customer's king. My bad. What? You know, there's none of that. There's like a lot of laps you do with people. Like a lot of arguing. Like in the past, if you took something back and said, excuse me, I asked for this toast dry and it's covered with butter. So can I just take in the past. Oh, sorry, sir. And just take it back now? It's like I heard you say, and then you go, I didn't. Because I don't. I'm pretty sure I didn't. Well, somebody. It's like, why are we doing laps? And then.

[Adam Carolla]

And why are you lying about, like, what's in it for you to lie about how you actually ordered.

[Gina Grad]

Who is this new breed of monster that we've created that has to do multiple laps? And I realized, oh, these are the kids who got the participation trophies, have never done anything wrong. I'm raising two of them myself. You have to do laps, you know. But why? But I don't feel like, well, how come? But what about you? You, you know it's like everything's a lap, right? And then you get them in a position where they're working, but you can't shut that part of your brain off.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you talking about?

[Gina Grad]

I got. I got inspiration for my next movie. And I met my buddy Kevin Hench over the break to start working on it. And I met him at one of those little breakfast cafes where you order at the counter, the cash register, and then you sit down and they come bring it to you. And you know how when a certain business takes on a personality and sometimes it's just dumb? This one just took on dumb. Like, I walked in and I said, can I sit down? And she said, yeah. And I said, do you bring the coffee? Do I get my own? And she goes, I'll bring it to you. And I just sat there for like 20 minutes waiting for her handshake. I was, like, staring at her the whole time. She was just staring at me. And I was like. At a certain point, I went, how do I get coffee? Oh, no, you come up and buy it. It was like, okay, everyone here is dumb. So I ordered an omelet and it was like, what do you want in your omelet? Give me some onions and give me some turkey sausage and what kind of cheese? Give me jack cheese. And she said, okay. I ordered and I sat down and I started eating this omelet. And I realized very quickly this wasn't jack cheese. Can I say this? We need cheese clarity. Because I feel like there's times when I order omelet and I get a square of American cheese, like, melted on top of it. I'm like, that's not what I'm talking about. First off, there is a difference between cheese. Like, when you have nachos, there is such a thing as nachos with cheddar cheese. And then there's nachos where they take the one pump from the Velveeta thing. That's nothing but. Yeah, but that stuff, cheese is dairy based, not oil based. And then chemical based. Like, that stuff tastes like fucking Dow makes it. Like when I was very artificial when I was nine and you gave me a piece of American cheese and I bit in. I was like, what the fuck is this? This doesn't taste like cheese. Like, I like cheese. Especially in an omelet. There's nothing worse than the fake cheese. And they don't tell you. Now, they don't usually synthesize the cheddar cheese, but once in a while they'll synthesize the Swiss cheese Like, sometimes you have to go, is that real cheese? They do a. Here's what it is. They do. American cheese is synthesized. It's not cheese, okay? There is such a thing as a synthesized Swiss and a Jack too.

[Adam Carolla]

And they don't tell you. They come in those squares like American cheese, right? But they're just a different flavor. It's a cheese product.

[Gina Grad]

It's cheese product. So they don't go, oh, this isn't cheese. This is the synthesized oil based whatever film. So I'm eating into my omelet and it's stuff's not even melted. It's still in its square, like shape and it's coming out and it's like. And it's got jalapenos and peppers and stuff in it. And I said, what is. So it's fake cheese and it's always way too salty and it just fucks up the meal. So I said, this is pepper jack. Oh, this is fake pepper Jack cheese. Oh, it's the fake version of Jack cheese. Somebody find me. It's like, I know Velveeta makes fucking Jack and a pepper Jack or whatever. It's not. Who are these fucking retards that like this stuff? I mean, it's. Okay, here's what I will give you. American cheese on a burger Patty, melted, doable, fine. But when you're ordering an omelet or you're ordering any. Anything else, like anything that has to do with Mexican food or anything that has to do with chips or anything like that, the fake fucking gelatinous, hot, gooey mess. It's a fucking nightmare.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, this is where I'm a snob. The American cheese and all that processed cheese is never okay. Not even on a burger. You gotta aim higher in your life. Put a piece of cheddar on there.

[Gina Grad]

Put a piece of cheese. No, I know, but when you go to In n out and you order a cheeseburger, you don't have a cheese. There's no cheese selection. So you can go no, or you can go that. And I don't like it. I'd rather have real cheddar melted on it. But it's the only time it's tolerable in certain things. That particular an In n out cheeseburger's fine with me. I don't have to pick the cheese off it. But in an omelet, it's fucking horrible. It's synthesized, salty, weird, oily shit. And it doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never the right level of melty.

[Gina Grad]

It doesn't melt correctly. Cause it's not real. It doesn't melt like cheese. So I went to the counter and I said, first off, I did 10 minutes with Hansch on who the fuck wants pepper Jack cheese? Why not Jack cheese? Why are we fucking putting a flavor in everything? And by the way, okay, I've been going nuts. I don't know what the over under on passion fruit was for this year and who won the pool, but passion fruit everywhere. Every vodka, every yogurt, there's 270,000 flavors of yogurt now. And then 80,000 of them are five flavors. Flavors. And like I said, there's no such thing as just getting cranberry juice. It's cran, apple, orange, nectarine. Cuban. Yes. It's just passion. It's like, just. So I said. So I did 10 minutes on that with Hench and then I walked up to the counter, I said, who the fuck wants pepper Jack cheese? And as I'm walking up to the counter, of course there's a line. And it's that weird thing where I don't want to skip in front of the line, but there's six people standing in line.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta wait half an hour.

[Gina Grad]

I gotta get my fucking. They fucked this thing up. So as I walk up, I hear the guy go, pepper Jack cheese pizza. Good, thank you. And I was like, okay, thanks, Dick. Like, what fucking animal wants fake cheese? Now they don't tell you it's fake cheese, but if you, if you hear pepper Jack, it's not real Jack cheese, okay? So I go up and there's the ubiquitous 24, 25 year old, semi attractive chick behind the counter, sort of zoned out. And I said, excuse me, I just ordered this omelet with Jack cheese in it. And we have. This is pepper Jack cheese and could I just have it remade with regular Jack cheese? And she said, all our Jack cheese is pepper Jack. Which first again, that can't be true.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the only cheese they carry.

[Gina Grad]

No, that's the only Jack variety they carry. So I was like, first off, my head is just spinning because I've said, look, you order iced tea, you order coffee, you order whatever. Don't you just want that fucking flavor? Like when I go, gimme Jack cheese. And they go, we only have Jack cheese. We have the Jack cheese to taste like a Mexican shot a snot rocket into it. I go, oh, better. Oh, hold on, Hench. Leave the peppers, put them back in the car. Usually I have to mill my own cheese. But you already have it pre made. Oh, you have the pepper and the jazz.

[Adam Carolla]

It's about time.

[Gina Grad]

Hench, take the crate of peppers and bring them back to the car. Fantastic. I didn't know you guys had made this marriage. Because normally it's something I do at the table. If someone orders Jack cheese, don't you think they might like Jack cheese?

[Adam Carolla]

And Pepper Jack and Jack are so not the same at all. Because one is disgusting and really spicy.

[Gina Grad]

Neither is Jack, and one is fake cheese. Jack cheese is real cheese. Pepper Jack is syntho Jack. So I said. I said, well, you know, if Pepper Jack is the only Jack you have, I don't know what I'm doing. This is part of my New Year's resolution where everyone else gets their shit together. I said, when somebody orders something with Jack cheese, you should probably tell them it's gonna be pepper Jack. Cause that might shape their decision. And she said, I'm pretty sure I told you. And I said, first off, what happened to the math? Yes, I ordered pepper Jack cheese and then got back to the table. Now, look, the omelet has four other ingredients. Am I complaining about those? Cause I ordered the turkey sausage and I ordered the fucking mushrooms, and I ordered the onion. So I'm not coming back going, what are these onion things doing in my. No, I ordered that. But I ordered Jack cheese. You know, gave me fake cheese that had peppers in it. And you ruined the omelet. And she goes. She goes, I'm pretty sure I told you. And I said, trust me, you did not tell me. Because if you did tell me, it would have sounded an alarm. I would have went, whoa, Pepper Jack. Just see why I'm standing here. I'm gonna. And she paused and she goes, I definitely heard it somewhere. And I was like, first off, I wanted just to fucking dive over the counter and just start beating her head with a fucking cookie pan. You know what I mean? Like, really? Cunt. Really? We have to have this fucking retarded square. Square off in the middle of this thing. I heard it somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

You're moving from someone else, but not.

[Gina Grad]

Part of your order, right? So I listen. I know you're gonna think I'm a dick. And I had to apologize to everyone else who was in line, too. But I said, if you heard it somewhere, you heard it in your own head. It did not. Was not audible. You did not say to me, I did not order pepper Jack. You did not tell me you had pepper Jack. Understood? And she's like, okay. And I knew she was just like, oh, what a dick. And so everyone else in line was like, what a dick. But what are we to do? How do we stem this fucking horrible tide of this crazy, fucked up narcissist? Like, she was with willing to leave it at. I heard pepper Jack. Like, yeah, that's what I'll do. Like, sometimes when I'm ordering omelette, I'll go, is that rye or wheat Pepper Jack.

[Brian Bishop]

Subliminal, man.

[Gina Grad]

Now, this is the difference between the hash browns and the home pepper Jack. Yeah, that's what I do.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you hear that?

[Gina Grad]

Huh?

[Brian Bishop]

I could have sworn it as you were ordering pepper jerk.

[Gina Grad]

No, it was pepper jerk. I don't see her time around. What? I just answered you.

[Brian Bishop]

I could have sworn I heard.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, man. I had a pepper Jack. Huh? Can I order my meal?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going on break.

[Gina Grad]

What is that? Is that a Colombian whole roast coffee over there? The pepper jerk.

[Brian Bishop]

God damn it.

[Gina Grad]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

I swear to God.

[Gina Grad]

That's right. Why are you swearing?

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, does it ever happen when you order macaroni and cheese?

[Gina Grad]

I gotta use the pepper jerk. Does the guy have the keys or is the door open? Yeah, I know she heard pepper Jack. Somewhere in her fucking feeble mind, she heard pepper Jack. And listen, bitch, you guys have made this horrific decision to only offer pepper Jack in place of Jack cheese. And I'm sure you save a nickel. And the hyenas that come in here and eat don't know any different. But let's not try to.

[Adam Carolla]

Not this hyena.

[Gina Grad]

Not this hyena. Bitch. Let's not push this one back on me, for the love of Christ. I heard pepper Jack.

[Adam Carolla]

But the thing is, like, what you're saying about the idea of the customer always being right in the day, even if you had ordered pepper Jack and then you came up and said you didn't want pepper Jack, she's supposed to say, oh, I'm so sorry. Let me fix that for you.

[Gina Grad]

Well, this is bigger because. Yes, agreed, but it's bigger because it's not about me getting a new omelet. I'm getting a new omelet. You guys put weird synthesized cheese in my omelet. That fucked it all up. That's a foregone conclusion. I'm getting a new omelet. This is about you winning the battle at the counter. This is about us walking away and me going, next time I'm gonna bring my stenographer. Like, this is worse, because I understand when you. I once had a tailor sew buttons onto a tuxedo jacket, and then he returned it to me inside, like, One of those white slipcovers or whatever. And it was in my closet for, like, nine months. And then I was going out, and I pulled it out, and they were brass sailor buttons, like there. What you'd put on a blue blazer if you were really rich in the late 70s and early 80s. Literally anchors made of brass. And I walked back to the guy and to Taylor, and I said, hey, man. Yes, hello. My name is Graham Wellington. You gotta put black buttons on this thing. You put big brass buttons on this thing. And he's like, I didn't do that. Listen, it'd take a lot of balls for me to walk into a strange tailor shop and try to save three bucks on buttons. And he's like, but at least that guy was arguing, because his whole thing was, if I eat this shit, I'm gonna be out 10 bucks worth of buttons and out an hour worth of sewing on. So there was a reason, a method, just madness that he wanted. All right. I was getting a new. I was getting a new omelet. She was just gonna win the fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

Battle of the word.

[Gina Grad]

She was gonna win the battle of the words. Yes. All right. Sadly, in memoriam, something to report to you guys, which happened near the beginning of the break. Philip the Juggler, my dear friend, and I think we have. I told you about his case. He says, a dear, dear friend of mine went to YouTube and I found. I looked at his act and just marveled at it. But I remember when he passed away, and I thought, when he was the biggest celebrity in the world to me, when I was working, I met him at the groundlings in, like, 1986 or something. And he was like a working comedian. And he was. He was making, like, $6,000 a week opening for Andy Moon.

[Brian Bishop]

River Williams.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Andy Williams. Right. And it was just. I couldn't believe it. And then I came across this commercial. And you guys can go to AdamCarolla.com or you can go to YouTube and check it out, but it was just Philip in his prime doing. I think it was a. I think it was a Bud Light commercial. Yeah, just run it. This is my buddy Philip. When he was. It was a Coors Light can sometimes be a real juggling hack. First you need some Coors Light. Lots of Coors Light, plenty of hot dogs, lots of buns, pickle relish, ketchup, but don't forget the charcoal. And how about something to light it with? But there is an easier way. You'll find everything you need at the Coors Light Barbecue displace. Your favorite store. So thanks to the silver bullet, you won't get caught with everything up in the air. This is amazing to know that guy's dead. It freaks me out. He was the most vibrant, coordinated. He'd do that on a unicycle. Just incredible guy. One of those guys who was just so fucking comfortable in his own skin. Not cocky at all. Just, you know, he'd be one of these guys where, like, he'd go, eh, I don't want to return the omelette and go, why shouldn't you? It's your omelet. But he wouldn't go like, fuck them. Go up and fucking tell that person. Or he wouldn't be like, don't cause trouble because I don't want to get spit in my omelet. He'd just be like, well, why don't you have it the way you want it? And you should go. He was like one of those guys. He was, like, almost naive in a certain way. He was just so comfortable. He was so easy. Everyone wish we could be the way we should all be.

[Brian Bishop]

Almost innocent.

[Gina Grad]

Innocent, yes. Just a great guy. So, Philip, you will be missed dearly, my friend. And we will. Let me give a little love to one of our fine sponsors. Speaking of a guy, I love Jimmy Kimmel, by the way. Moving to 11:35. Yeah, that's what happened to that kid. He's resurfaced finally, after 10 years in exile. 11:35, and this is a big GD deal.

[Brian Bishop]

Finally continue to those e Specials.

[Gina Grad]

Where are they now? You don't have to worry about seeing himself 11:35. This is the best tip of the cap you can get. Put 10 years in. Can you believe it's been 10 years? New week is going to kick off, by the way, with Jennifer Aniston and no doubt on Tuesday. Ryan Gosling, Sofia Vergara, Brad Paisley, Bruno Mars. That's just the first week. Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35, starting Tuesday. God bless him. Ten years and younger, smarter, better looking, possibly thinner. Now there's a big billboard up that we pass. Big picture Jimmy. It's freaky for my kids because we go to his house for the Christmas Eve thing and he's all over them. Here's your present, Sonny. Here's your present. He's the most gracious guy on the planet here. This. He's serving them pasta. Do you have pasta? He always makes pasta for the kids and everyone else eats the seafood and everything, and he does all this stuff. And then we're driving home and There's a huge billboard with him. And we got up the driveway and my daughter said, is Jimmy's middle name live? And I thought I said to her, that's a good one, Natalia. That's a good one. Jimmy Kimmel live like. And she said, I'm not kidding. And I was like, all right, zero credit now. But it's interesting how the mind of a six year old works. And boy, does she love her some uncle Jimmy. So 11:35 starting this Tuesday. And it couldn't happen to a better guy. All right, quick break. Be right back. News, more stories after this. Look, none of us know what's coming. Another wave of COVID a brutal flu season. Heck, I'm out here in California talking about bird flu coming now. It could be worse. Whatever. Be prepared this time. You can't afford to get caught off guard. I think we all did last time. When chaos hits, it'll be too late to scramble and to prepare. You prepare now before the chaos. All family pharmacy has the treatments no one wants to talk about. But everyone needs ivermectin, mebendazole, hydrochloroquine, antibiotics and more. Don't let politics or big pharma keep you from what works. Prepare now before the next wave hits. Stock up for winter. Go to allfamilypharma.com Adam that's allfamilypharma.com Adam. Use the coupon Adam 10 for 10% off your order. That's all family pharma.com Adam with the code Adam 10 and save that 10%. Be prepared. It's time for Nicaraguan.

[Brian Bishop]

Name that movie with Adam's buddy Oswaldo.

[Gina Grad]

See if you can guess which movie this famous line is from. Aloha, Mr. Hans. If you said fast times at Ridgemont High. Aloha Mr. Hand, you're correct. Now back to the show. People have been tweeting me things that annoy me all during the break. One of them was the pumpkin flavored eggnog and the various varieties of flavors. This is exactly if I could pinpoint what went wrong. It's right now eggnog is fucking eggnog. It's not like I get to the store in late December and go, oh, thank Christ for the pumpkin eggnog because I fucking about. I topped off with the regular eggnog in August because I always, I'll sit by the pool just drinking a tumbler of eggnog. You know, July, August, summer months. Summer months, just chill out. You have eggnog? Honestly, I think I consume. I averaged probably less than 3 ounces of eggnog a year. But there is one season and one time when I actually go, this seems like a good idea. This incredibly high caloric thing that ends with the word nog and starts with egg. This is the one time of the year where this. I'm actually drunk enough for this to work. And they have flavored eggnog. Eggnog is eggnog flavor. That's the flavor of eggnog. It is its own flavor. It's like, it's not. We're gonna have like a passion fruit root beer. Like root beer.

[Cousin Sal]

Fucking root beer.

[Adam Carolla]

You know when they should introduce flavored eggnog? Never. But if that's not an option, then maybe in the summer, right. When you can't get eggnog. But to choose flavored eggnog is insane because that would mean you're depriving yourself of eggnog. There's a small window.

[Gina Grad]

Right. We're getting so fucking stupid. It's insane.

[Brian Bishop]

Two things was wild Cherry Pepsi, like the God, like the. The forefather of all of this. Cuz cola is a flavor of cherry Coke or whatever. Uno. I'm saying the cherry cola is what I'm saying.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And then number two, where do you stand on eggnog?

[Gina Grad]

I love eggnog. Amazing eggnog. It's. It's also so good, it. First off, eggnog and nutmeg. First off, nutmeg is a crazy sounding spice.

[Adam Carolla]

And eggnog is Dillon McDermott and Dermot Mulroney together.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Of spices or of noggin? Spices. So if you take fresh nutmeg and you grate it over eggnog, it's fucking delectable. Even though nutmeg is good for nothing other than that. It's like somebody invented eggnog so that we had a reason to sell nutmeg.

[Brian Bishop]

We gotta move some of this nutmeg.

[Gina Grad]

The nutmeg board must have just went down to like Santa's workshop and went like, you must create a nog that we can be crushed and grated on top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

The nutmeg cartel.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It's not like there's any nutmeg in an omelet. There's not like anyone ever takes a sip of a broth or stew and go, you know what it's missing? Just a little nutmeg. You don't use nutmeg. Nutmeg's not much good for anything. But over the fucking eggnog and fresh ground, fresh grind. I think nutmeg pops up on some of those custardy pies, isn't it like the coconut custard on top of like.

[Brian Bishop]

Cider, you know what I mean? But it's a rare holiday that carries nutmeg.

[Gina Grad]

The eggnog with a little rum in there and then the nutmeg. Fucking delicious. Not the fucking pumpkin flavored. By the way, pumpkin flavored eggnog is just a pumpkin smoothie, isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've been trying to figure out what that would taste like.

[Gina Grad]

All right, so let's talk New Year's. Cause I. I got my drink on. What'd you guys do? Alison, what'd you do for the New Year's?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, I made a rule that I wasn't going to do nothing, but then I almost broke the rule.

[Gina Grad]

Well, that's something. I would argue making that rule is something.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah. Oh boy, did I. Yeah. So it was actually probably the most mellow but non nothing year ever. Daniel and I hung out and my friend Trevor came over and then we were that fun but awkward threesome where at New Year's I wondered, who do I kiss? I guess both you guys.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's always uncomfortable with that person where you're just. You kind of pass the. You gotta kiss it and hug it out with them a little bit, but you're not sure. Although we did the early ball drop thing. New Year's. New York feed. Yeah, New York feed. The kids buy it hook, line and sinker. They see the ball drop and then they pow. Brian, what'd you do?

[Brian Bishop]

Dinner party. The friends. But went over to their house. We do a lot of the hosting nowadays, but we, because we love doing it, but went over to their house. And I thought to myself as I was leaving, man, I really would love to have a gin martini tonight. That sounds really nice. And I was like, these are the friends that don't stock the full bar.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it your, your obligation as a friend or as a host to have a full bar?

[Gina Grad]

Well, I.

[Brian Bishop]

Anticipating what most people would, you know, I think of, you know, if you.

[Gina Grad]

Invite people over, you're not saying Bailey's, but I'm saying no. I had, I had a similar problem. If you invite people over. Well, first off, when you buy a house, it should come with booze. Like, why not?

[Adam Carolla]

It's the least they could do.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I mean, there's certain things, you know, we have certain standards. It has to have insulation in the walls and a roof on the top. And why not come with booze? Yeah, you know, What?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, they have an apartment, so there's a square footage issue. They don't have, like, a bar.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It's up to every adult to make, like, a Trader Joe's run and get, like, just a bottle of scotch, bottle of gin, bottle of vodka. $7.50. You know, you have to get the big one and just to have it in case folks like us come over the house. But, yeah, it is weird when you get a hankering for a drink and then they're like, well, I got a Bud Light. And you're like, yeah, that's not a martini.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, because drinks are specific, especially those kinds of drinks. If you want some whiskey, that's your thing. And then you want whiskey, and vodka will not suffice. Unless you're out of Corona.

[Gina Grad]

You want to know? You guys can just picture poor Lynette. Just picture poor Lynette for a second while I'm picturing her. Okay, I'm going over to what's her name now. Poor Lynette. I'm going to Bill Simmons house for the first or the year's ace, man. Come on over. We'll talk. Pats and Brady go patch. So I'm gonna go over there, and it's just me and Lynette, one other couple, and Bill and his wife Carrie, who's like, I love her because she's just a fucking crackerjack. She's like, let's do it. Like, her whole thing is like, let's do it all the time. And she's like, she's up for anything all the time. So I said, all right. So they just. They made a new bar outside, and we brought all the kids. And the kids were running around and everything like that. And I said, well, Bill and Cary like Mangria, and I like Mangria, so I'm going to bring the Mangria. And I said, oh, I'm going to make the better man. I'm going to make my booze, my cocktail for these guys. And they just got a new bar. They just built, like a new tiki bar, like, out by their pool and everything. So I'm going to christen it with this. And they got every accoutrement there. And I said. So I said, lynette. I called her on her cell phone. I said, we coming. Stop off. I need a bottle of rye. Rye whiskey, Canadian rye whiskey. Cause that's what you use to make the better man. I've never drank rye before until this. But it tastes very specific, and it's very good in this drink. So I said, get a thing. And it's not the kind of booze that people have lying around the house. Rye.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not a normal whiskey cabinet or liquor cabinet.

[Gina Grad]

So I said, yeah, not the one that comes with the apartment when I'm in charge. Yeah. So she comes home with a thing of Canadian rye. And I look at this thing of Canadian rye, and it says, canadian maple. Rye. What? Maple? And she said, I asked the guy for rye, and that's what he gave me. And that's all they had. And this is what they had in the rye department. So I put the frying pan down slowly, and I said, maple. And she said, that's what they had.

[Adam Carolla]

They had a whole rye department, but.

[Gina Grad]

They didn't have the only rye. This is it. This is what they gave me. And I thought, well, it is Canadian. And it's like, you know, Montreal has a team called the Maple Leaves. But those guys don't taste like maple. Or do they taste like gin?

[Adam Carolla]

They don't.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. No. So I said, well, maybe it's a maple, like, maple leaf, you know, maybe for the place where. The birthplace of the maple. But they're not saying it tastes like a maple bar. This is rye, for Christ's sake. This is not fucking vodka for black people. This is Canadians. These are professional alcoholics who don't fuck around. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

They need alcohol.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And they need real alcohol. So I was like, maple, huh? All right, well, it's probably just the brand, like, maple brand Canadian rye or something like that. So I pack up my Mangria and my. My maple rye. I get over there. We don't have any lemons. Carrie Candu. Carrie has a lemon tree in the front yard. And she's like, one of these people is like, I just love these people. Because I go, you have a lemon tree? Because we're making a drink. She's like, we're making a cocktail. I was like, good. She's like, good. With Chris in the bar, like, great. I said, but do you have any lemon juice? I got a lemon tree. Next thing you know, she's come with, like, a shirt full of lemons. Like, it's not that thing, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Those people go, I bet she has perky nipples, too.

[Gina Grad]

Well, once the shirt's pulled up over her head. Yeah. She's like, you know, those people are like, well, we have a tree, but it's pretty dark, and I don't have a ladder. And I don't know if a lot of, you know, she's like, I'll go get them. And she just goes. Next thing you know, she's cutting them up and she's got. I got one of those squeezer things and she's squeezing them and I'm pouring them into a cocktail shaker. Not only that, they have like a quarter bottle of rye. You wanna talk about fucking ready for Armageddon? So I'm like, oh, you guys have rye? All right. So I start dumping. She's like, how's it, man? So Bill loves this drink. She loves to drink. I'm into it. Everyone's drinking. Everyone's getting shit faced. So much so that we run out of the rye whiskey. And now it's time to open my maple rye. And I'm like, I'm still praying that this is just rye from the maple capital of the world right now.

[Adam Carolla]

This is better, Worse rye.

[Gina Grad]

Started making the better man with the maple rye. And now it does taste like the better man with a shot of log cabin syrup on top of it. And I. Now I'm drunk and I have to do 45 minutes on the people. Could we just have a fucking flavor? Could we just have vodka that tastes like vodka and rye that tastes like rye. And fucking eggnog that tastes like eggnog. You're fucking up my world.

[Brian Bishop]

Meanwhile, the ball drops.

[Gina Grad]

No, but people twitter me all the time or tweet me all the time. Or they go like, I thought I bought a thing of Doritos or I thought I bought a thing of Fritos. And I got home and they were zesty jizz. And it's like, well, how is that? I mean, if that's what you have a hankering for, it's good because they just put a little. Just a regular bag, which is a little thing on the corner. And the guy who was selling the maple rye probably never sold a bottle of rye in his life. And my wife doesn't know. And it looks like just whiskey. And it's like, ah, you're fucking my world up, people. Knock it off. Get your shit together. In the new year, was a liquor.

[Brian Bishop]

Store or a grocery store?

[Gina Grad]

It was a grocery store.

[Brian Bishop]

A grocery store carries maple rye, but not rye, according to.

[Gina Grad]

According to Lynette.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, I've kicked the horn as fast.

[Gina Grad]

They were out of rye. She could have just been covering herself. Anyway, this is what the guy handed her. And again, I can't read all the fucking fine print. And when the product comes from Canada maple sort of. You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

You know? Yeah. See, thinking that the maple rye is maybe just a nod to the old country, but it's actually rye flavored. Reminds me of when I ordered buffalo, like buffalo buffalo chili or buffalo beef buffalo meat chili or something where I thought this is just. They're making it like a wild west themed chili. And then I had a few bites and I thought, this is weird tasting because it was buffalo meat. And I'm the stupid person, though, who didn't think, oh, yeah, it was right there in the name.

[Brian Bishop]

Buffalo meat's all right.

[Adam Carolla]

It didn't taste like I expected it. Didn't expect it.

[Gina Grad]

I just. I just dream of a simpler day when we all got the fucking flavor. The specific. I mean, like I said, coffee, tea, eggnog, it's all a flavor, people. Let's stick with the fucking plan.

[Brian Bishop]

I had the reverse of that on Christmas when my sister in law made eggnog flavored cheesecake, which is kind of the same thing, sort of, although very similar flavors.

[Gina Grad]

I will take delicious, by the way. I will accept cheesecake as a sort of substrate. Ah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, catch all.

[Gina Grad]

I will take cheesecake with some cherry whatever over it or blueberry whatever over it. I'm. I will, I will even accept a pumpkin cheesecake. I know I sound like a heretic now. All right, yeah, so much more to complain about. Then there's you people on the phone. Let's see, line four. Hey, Hillary. What? Hey. Hey, what's going on, baby girl? Hey.

[Brian Bishop]

Super excited. This is the first time I ever called and you're taking my call. This is amazing.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you. What's happening?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, I was just wondering your.

[Gina Grad]

Opinion, given you often rant about the current state of strippers and how they're all former gymnasts who are gonna crush your head with their, you know, zero percent body fat size. What's your opinion on burlesque dancing?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think you ever seen a burlesque show.

[Gina Grad]

Well, no, and a couple of things. Yeah, the stripper thing where Pat Benatar predicted this many years ago when she told you people to stop using sex as a weapon. Okay? And hell is for children. The strippers used to be like curvy and had some bosom and a little belly button on them, and now it's all just weird barbed wire tattoos and aggressive piercings and just pulsating music and everyone's fucking angry and everyone's drinking a Red Bull with something, so it's like you ratcheted up the douchebag on whatever it is you're drinking. And the fucking Lap dancing is like they're fucking. Feels like your fucking laps. A nail and their pussy's a hammer upside down.

[Brian Bishop]

Lap dances too.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that's the whole thing the chicks are doing on the pole. And it's like, look, I'm not a Russian judge. I'm here to get a little boner and have a couple of Miller lights and go back and beat off in the hotel room. I don't need to be impressed by this. I want to be impressed by how good you look naked. If I want to do this, I'll fucking watch gymnastics. I mean, there's a lot of stuff where you can. Like you've removed all the sexuality from it and you've ratcheted up the athleticism.

[Brian Bishop]

It's tumbling, right?

[Gina Grad]

It's like, I watch football on Sunday because I want to see guys being athletic. I come in here to get a fucking boner. Like, you go to a strip club because you want to go, hey, man, when you pick out like your stripper, you go, look at this one. Look at the. Look at it. No, not behind her. The redhead. She's fucking amazing. You think those are real, but not, oh, my God, this chick did a one handed handspring. This is unbelievable. She must have been on some sort of scholarship where she blew out her fucking acl, had to go to strip club.

[Adam Carolla]

The spectacle of it.

[Gina Grad]

Women would be going, right, and appreciating it. So I don't need that. I don't need all the tattoos. I don't need all the super angry stuff. I don't need that. The burlesque is sort of interesting, but it's like, how much Cinemax do guys who have access to hardcore porn watch? You know what I'm saying? Like, every one of my friends would be like, hey, did you hear? Desire Island 3 was on last night. It's gonna Desire Island 4. Same two chicks, by the way. And it's like, you know, you'd watch all night to see a little topless scene and one where she makes out with a native or something like that. But then soon as you porn came around, everyone, well, fuck that. I'm not gonna sit up and watch Desire island to see some booby.

[Brian Bishop]

We all forgot about Emmanuel as soon as you porn came around.

[Gina Grad]

That's my point. There used to be. There's Emmanuel, there's Emmanuel Returns. Emmanuel, like Laws Based the Trial. Emmanuel.

[Brian Bishop]

She went all over the world.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, whatever Billy Jack movies there were. There were the same for Emmanuel. Oh, she just died. Sylvia Cristal or whatever her name Is. Yeah, she did. I think that was Belzer's wife, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

She was married to Emmanuel.

[Gina Grad]

This point where people are. I need movement in that room. I think Sylvia Cristal is her name. Emmanuel was Belzer's wife. Richard Belzer.

[Adam Carolla]

I love him.

[Gina Grad]

Except for his dog, and he travels with the dog, which is now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now it's his only companion.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, let's find out. Find out if it's her. Sylvia Christow passed away, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

How am I unaware of this?

[Gina Grad]

Ask me who Gerald Ford's vice president was. I'm like, what am I, fucking Wikipedia over here, dude? The fuck do I know? But I'll tell you all about Sylvia, Cristal, and Emmanuel, AKA Yeah, Emmanuel. And we had. Now find me, figure out that's Belzer's wife number one, and then figure out how many Emanuel. So there used to be. Listen. That's a franchise that made $200 billion because there was no porn, but now we have porn.

[Adam Carolla]

These are like. They're Skinemax adult films, basically.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It's like, you know, a lot of gauze hanging around and wind blowing through curtains and women, but no penetration.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of saxophone.

[Gina Grad]

A lot of saxophone. Not, you know, lots of boobies. Maybe a quick bath scene where they get out of the tub and they put the towel on. You get a little vag in there. But it's not porn. Who knew?

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Belzer. Wow.

[Gina Grad]

That's my. This is what I think. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I want it to be true, so I'm gonna assume it is.

[Gina Grad]

You want it to be true that Richard Belzer's wife is dead? Hillary.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not what I meant.

[Gina Grad]

She's still there, and I put her on hold. Hillary. Oh, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, so I don't have any time for burlesque because I know the women are beautiful, and I appreciate the aesthetic of it, but now I have porn. Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

This is true.

[Gina Grad]

I think.

[Brian Bishop]

It seems like they are serving two different purposes. I was just wondering if you'd ever seen them. I've never been to a strip club, to be honest, but I've been to a few burlesque.

[Gina Grad]

You sicken me. Oh, she's been to a few burlesque shows. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of its own art form, and I sort of look at it like, you know, the guys that are trapped in the 50s, they have the dice, and they look like the fourth stray cat. And they're driving. They're driving.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of them in orange cats.

[Gina Grad]

A Lot of them talking about, I got a Merc, a lot of Mercury. I got a Merc. I got a 55 Merc. I got more dice hanging. Were dice ever that big in the 50s? Or we just decided it's got gear shift? Well, there's fuzzy dice, three on the tree, but it's a dice. There's a die on the end of it. And then I just got some new dice with flames coming off them, tattooed. And then poor old lady's forced to dress the same way. She's got to wear the saddle shoes and everything. And there's a part of you that's like, what's going on? And there's a part of you that's like, I'm kind of secretly jealous that they're into something that I just not into at all. Like the burlesque culture. Chicks are into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Do this because if you're into it, then you have a stylistic choice for every facet of your life, from your hair to your apartment to your clothing.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I got. Oh, Lady Chatterley. Better. Lady Chatterley. Lady Chatterley 2. The trial of Lady Chatterley.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's another one of those Emmanuel types.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, don't play stupid with me, dude. Lady Chatterley's Lovers.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. These movies must have been the inspiration for the novel.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, Lady Chatterley was the soft porn. Maybe a little before Emmanuel, but the point is, is that's what we had. We didn't have porn. There must be.

[Brian Bishop]

But that's who he married.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Belzer married Lady Chatterley, not Emmanuel. Sorry. Young Lady Chatterley from 77. Oh, there's gotta be 22 Lady Chatterleys, but there's gotta be more Emmanuel. Eventually, Emmanuelle got to outer space and then she fought Lady Chatterley.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Gina Grad]

Uh huh. Chatterley versus Emmanuel. Big explosion as two titties came together in the center of the ring.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like Alien versus Predator.

[Gina Grad]

No, not really.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, nothing like that.

[Gina Grad]

Not really.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, well, I'm wrong then.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. They tell me in the Groundlings to not do that, but this really.

[Brian Bishop]

This is egregious.

[Gina Grad]

First, Emanuel was 74, so Lady Chatterley's a full three years after Emmanuel.

[Adam Carolla]

At the beginning, did you think that you might have use for both this and porn? Or was it an instant? Like, fuck this gauzy shit.

[Gina Grad]

I think it was like, it'd be like you getting an iPhone and going, I think I'll hang on to that Motorola that flips open for another couple of years. Like, nah, I don't think so. Yeah, no, yeah. There was 22 Emmanuel made for TV films. There were seven Emmanuel in space. Seven.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

So she could do all of these and not literally be fucked out now.

[Gina Grad]

I'm sure she was. They did with Emmanuel what they did with like the band the Coasters, where, like you're sitting there, you're sitting in Laughlin watching the Coasters. Like there's a 26 year old guy in the Coasters. They were singing Charlie Brown in 1950. That's from 1956, you know, like they just keep shuffling the Emmanuels in it.

[Brian Bishop]

They quietly replace and by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Part, it's like Menudo.

[Gina Grad]

Nobody's like, I want those old saggy tits. This is bullshit. With this new 19 year old. Like, we'll take them in. There are seven Emanuels made for TV in France. Black Emanuele, that's my favorite one in Italy. D. Emanuel. That was films. That was in Italy.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus, how have I been unaware of this?

[Gina Grad]

I bet you Marvin Hagler was in that.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do you think it went there?

[Gina Grad]

Emmanuel series In France, there's seven more and then there's other 19. I mean, I'm doing a tally here of at least 65 Emanuels. At least.

[Brian Bishop]

Didn't the Italians have Black Smurfs? Like, what's their thing with like black versions of American things?

[Gina Grad]

Interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

Find out. Find that out.

[Gina Grad]

All right. I need to know how many Lady Chatter ladies there were. But anyway, soon as we discovered porn, like, soon as there was real porn, like, I don't got time for Lady Chatterley or her lover. And I don't give a fuck of Emmanuel if it's Emmanuelle in Adam's Asshole, I'd still go, nah, not tuning In French or the Black Smurfs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I mean, how would you even personally watch that?

[Gina Grad]

It's a good point. And I'd be like, all I'd do is be going, I don't remember that. Oh, my God, I don't remember that. I do not remember that. Definitely gonna be a lawsuit. Go Daddy, baby. Go, Emmanuel. Go, Lady Chatterley. Go Daddy. They got a deal, baby. 295. Just 295. You get a domain name. One Lady Chatterley. One. Like, if Lady Chatterley's used up, you can use like one Lady Chatterley or Ace Lady Chatterley. That's right. You can get up to three of them. $7.99 is what you pay after that. But again, you're just hoarding. If you're using more than three domain names, each one comes with a free one page instant website. Personalized email and a built in photo album. Just enter the promo code Adam 2 95. Put that right in your cart@Godaddy GoDaddy.com that's Adam, the number two, the number nine and the number five. Go Daddy. I'll take a quick break, but I need some Lady Chatterley stats. Should we take a quick break? We got news coming. All right, I will tell you. I'm pretty sure Lady Chatterley was dwarfed by Emmanuel, but I'm still thinking the over under might be in the mid teens on the Lady Chatterley.

[Brian Bishop]

Emmanuel's gone on farther because I'm familiar with that from my days with cable. But I have no idea what Lady Chatterley is.

[Gina Grad]

Well, maybe, maybe they should made a couple. We'll take a quick break, we'll tell you all about that. We'll do the news next. Well now, the part I miss most about doing this Show, I've had 4,000 little buck slips with things that bother me written all over them. That's what I did. That's how I spent my holidays right now. Shit that bothers me. Oh, and let me just tell you, I went to Disneyland today with the kids and I could do an hour on it.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you bring buck slips to Disneyland? Because that'd be smart.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. The thing that's folded, I literally.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you really did.

[Gina Grad]

Oh yeah, smart.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean you could do in your.

[Gina Grad]

Phone, but no, no, I bring, I bring, I bring. Oh, there it is, there it is. Son's a pussy. Ran into Brian Posayn also pussy. Had this weird. I didn't even know. First up, Disneyland is a weird place because it's filled with super happy young kids and then incredibly lost souls like are trying to recapture something that they can never get back. They're either now they're in those larks or those motorized little scooters or something. But you see that like 61 year old guy with all the buttons on his suspenders and all this stuff or the woman, there's like they're always a little bit obese and kind of sloppy looking and you're like what the obsession and what are you trying to capture? And how many fucking cigarettes were put out on your back as a seven year old for you to live at this place now. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

There's something so sad about it.

[Gina Grad]

There's a weird. Like your relationship with Disneyland should be the same relationship. I've always said you should have this with your phone. When your phone rings, if you dive on it, your life is horrible. Like who's that? Finally, some contact. Somebody. But if you stare over it while it's ringing, like, oh, man, I've pissed off a lot of people and I owe the rest of them money, like, I ain't picking that up, then your life's fucked up the greatest. And this is, you know, forget about whatever the Dalai Lama says and Tony Robbins says, the most put together, the most self actuated or actualized you could ever be is your phone. Just the day your phone rings and you just go, I'm just picking it up because it's ringing. Like, not. Who is that? Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

That is truly being, living in the present.

[Gina Grad]

And that is. There's not an ounce backage.

[Adam Carolla]

I have an phone since 1985.

[Gina Grad]

There's no baggage. That is you literally just going. Phone rings. I shall pick it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Because does anyone in this room do that?

[Brian Bishop]

Allison really is someone who will avoid the phone at all costs.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, she really will. I. I will. Disneyland. So here's how. Here's how you should be with Disneyland. Your thing with Disneyland should be, yeah, okay, sure. For the kids, you know, once a year sounds good. But if there's like, I can't go there, or there's like, I must live there, that. That's a problem. And I see the people who want to live there when you go there, and it's like, what?

[Adam Carolla]

I know people who went on a Disneyland honeymoon.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. What, there is not enough fucking pixie dust to fill the hole that is inside your soul.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what should your relationship with the holidays be? Because I used to, when I was a kid, I loved the holidays. And I never wanted to become one of those adults who was dreading it and who couldn't stand the sound of the music and who just couldn't wait for it to be over and who, like, grew a number of years in one season of gift buying. However, this season, I did find myself kind of counting the minutes till it was over and feeling like, what the fuck happened?

[Gina Grad]

Well, what happens is you have that thing where it's all about the holidays when you're a kid. And then there's that part where you kind of lose track of it a little in your 20s, 30s. And then there's that sort of. It becomes about partying or like, when I was poor, the whole time it'd be like, oh, fuck, I got a windbreaker. This is awesome. You know? Now, for me, there's nothing you can get me that I won't have thought of or bought myself for the most part. And so there's not a monetary side to it. There used to be a very practical monetary side to the holidays. Like, I get shit twice a year, my Christmas and my birthday, and that's fucking it for my super cheap, shitty family. So I'm gonna get a set of forks for my dirt bike, and I'm getting them for Christmas, and I'll go buy them myself. And I just collect all the money from everybody. It was almost romantic. Well, now I have to live it through my kids. Problem is this. My wife goes fucking berserk. They make a list, and she gets them everything. And they start tearing into everything, and they don't even open the box. They tear the wrapping paper off. They throw it to the side. My daughter had a horrible day. Christmas was horrible. She was a mess the whole day. And I realized. I said to my wife at the end, I said, don't do this. And she said, I'm not. I know what you're talking about. I said, you got them so much shit that it lost all meaning. And they started to spin out a little, and they were just fucking unhappy, like, the whole day, because you need that. Oh, this is my one thing. I got a train set I'm going to. You get a thousand train sets. Completely lost all meaning. I walk into Mike, I think you might have this picture somewhere. I got up first. I walked up the stairs. I have an opening, like a cutout that looks down into the living room. And I saw these two. First off, my daughter was in such a present opening frenzy. She opened all my shit. She opened everyone's fucking presents.

[Brian Bishop]

And she was like a feeding shark. Her eyes rolled back into her head.

[Gina Grad]

And then bit one of his friend sharks because it was in a frenzy.

[Adam Carolla]

Friendly fire.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Like, she's just in an opening frenzy, and she's just tearing into everything. And they were both moody and bitchy all day, and neither one of them really appreciated what they had. And they just wanted. There's this weird, bad cycle where you just want more. Like, I want to go, this is a picture that's the worst of my time. You go to AdamCarolla.com I woke up and. But the place is just a fucking sea of wrapping paper and cardboard and gifts. And the other problem is, as I say all the time, stuff is way too cheap. It's all just made in China. And everyone wants to kind of be that good uncle or that good agent or that good person. And also, if it sets you back $14 or $11, good, I'll give them a big old fucking box that has a whole bunch of cool plastic shit in it. Hot Wheels and this and that. Send over. My kids are fucking drowning in plastic shit from China. It means nothing to them, by the way. It's a zero. It's a zero. I've said it a million times. Even me. Well, a. They didn't earn it, so it just means it's zero. Every car, with every new car I get, all the other cars are worth a little bit less in my mind, in my heart, but it's just the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Does that happen with kids?

[Gina Grad]

It has to. It has to. As soon as I saw that second one come out, I was like, blooms off the rose for the first one, you know. But no, that was the first thought I have. You know, there's that one guy, say it all the time. He's got a fucking Mustang Notchback from 1966. It's worth $7,000. But he's had it, you know, he'll do that. This is my. I wanted one of these when I was in high school, and then I bought this one 20 years ago. And he's every day just waxing thing in the drive. She's my baby. You know, I go every, you know, weekends down to Bob's big Boy with my baby. You know, he. He loves that one car way more than I'll ever love my 20 cars. And yes, if you have 10 kids, there's no fucking possible way you can love them all equally if you're just.

[Adam Carolla]

In kid acquiring mode.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, you're in acquiring mode and not appreciation mode. They're in opening mode. Not appreciation mode.

[Brian Bishop]

Much like Rings of the phone. Is there a sweet spot for cars or kids or. You know what I'm saying? Is there some sort of, like, one you put too much attention on, but then, you know, 20, you put enough.

[Gina Grad]

You know, to me. Boy and a girl. Good. Done. And, you know, weird mistake you have with the nanny eight years on.

[Adam Carolla]

If you had had done with the.

[Gina Grad]

Family should have pulled out.

[Adam Carolla]

If you had had two boys or two girls, would you have kept going?

[Gina Grad]

If I. Oh, no, no, no. I wanted to stop at zero.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't want to start.

[Gina Grad]

Throw me the name of my next book. Yeah, all right. But. So they were miserable because they got way too many fucking toys and they started spinning. It's like when you give people everything they want and they don't have to earn it. It has no value, it has no meaning. But there's also. There's no gravity anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's interesting that even at six material items Aren't filling an emptiness inside.

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

And the more material items you throw on top of that, the more I think projecting. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Talk about all the time. The car that you worked all summer for and busted your ass and then bought a used version of and now you're working on it yourself, blah, blah, blah, means so much more to the one just rich daddy gets you. It's insane. It's insane. And I don't know why we don't know that about human beings. Plus, the person you give the car to or you give the tons of toys to, you are stripping away their self esteem and ironically they're resenting you at some point. So anyone again, Whenever we talk about, hey man, why don't you pay a little more to give a little more to these people? I'm like, I'm not doing it to keep more money in my pocket. Although I'm not going to argue with that. Giving people shit fucks them up. It fucks them up. Giving kids presents fucks them up. Giving kids, giving adults, welfare fucks them up. I'm not saying bailing them out of a tough situation, factory clothes, divorced, whatever, like they gotta, you know, temporarily, whatever. But when the months turn into years, you erode that person to the point where they're not employable and there's nothing wrong with them. The only thing that's wrong with them is that fucking pile of pumpkin flavored mush that used to taste like brain between their ears. All right, shall we do some news? Yes, the news with Allison Rosen.

[Cousin Sal]

She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Gina Grad]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it.

[Brian Bishop]

Up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt.

[Gina Grad]

It's Allison. Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm sure the fiscal cliff has been on both of your minds, but thankfully the crisis has been averted. Kind of. Three hours before the midnight deadline on January 1, the Senate agreed to a deal to avert the crisis. The Senate version passed two hours after the deadline. The House of Representatives approved the deal. 21 hours later, new Year's Eve. I was watching Anderson and Cathy and then boom, a whole bunch of stuff. A whole bunch of C span like stuff. So basically, you know, okay, Obama said that this deal protects 98% of Americans and 97% of small business owners from a middle class tax hike. While this is, quote, while neither Democrats nor Republicans got everything they wanted, this agreement is the right thing to do for our country. Most people are pretty unhappy with it. Because the taxes are going to go up. You know, not as much as they may have, but, but about 77% of America. For 77% of Americans, their taxes will go up.

[Gina Grad]

Look, everyone thinks I'm a douche. I am perfectly fine with the notion of going, here's some money now. We have some great schools and some great roads and some public transportation and we're living in a crime free, graffiti free zone and everything's awesome. I don't think there's ever an amount you can give the government that they won't spend. I'm that way. I mean, I tend to spend about what I make every year and a lot of my friends are that way. And I have friends go from 75 grand a year to a million dollars a year. But still at the end of the year they're basically at the same amount in the bank. I feel like the government will spend everything. Taxes started at I don't know what next to nothing. And then they've been ratcheting up over the years and I just think they will spend and not do a great job spending whatever they're given. So the answer of they need more money so they can right. This ship is never going. It's fundamentally flawed. I don't think there's amount that you can give a school system that's ever going to fundamentally. I know you're going to get a lot more administrators and I'm more union people and more this and more that. But if your test scores are low, you need to focus on why your test scores are low. More money not gonna right that ship. And as far as the government goes, bring it down, scale it. They need to do it like they do when they do a rock song where he goes, all right, now he's like, he's jamming. He's going, all right now take it down now take it down. And the drummer thing will sing on the high hat.

[Adam Carolla]

Not just the millionaires.

[Gina Grad]

Not just the millionaires. Let's take down lighters over your head. Gold lighters over your head. I just don't think that there's anything that we can give the government that will ever A get rid of the deficit and B, slow down their spending. More money just means more, hires bigger. And I don't think it means better. So I'm fundamentally against the whole tax thing just because I think it's anti American. I really do think that this country, it's really European thought. It's really. We started this country by saying fuck you to this taxation. And I understand yeah, you gotta kick in for roads and you gotta kick in for the military. But this endless debate on enough, enough, enough. To me, it's about the spending. Let's figure out where it's going and let's start fucking trimming the fat. And I can tell you right now, the people that are paying in right now, especially the huge fucking gobs of money, are not the problem. The focus is how do we get these people who aren't the problem to kick in more? That's the wrong focus. And whatever the problem is, I mean, like, if you go, look, I got a basketball team. I got Kobe Bryant, he's scoring 30 points. I got this white guy off the bench from the Ukraine, he's putting in three points. How can I get Kobe to get to 40 points? Well, Kobe's already doing 30 a game. I don't think Kobe's part of the problem. Yeah, but he's so good and he's so capable. Okay, but if we can get the guy from the Ukraine to get up to 12 points a game, Sasha Vukovich.

[Brian Bishop]

Start taking more shots, right?

[Gina Grad]

Rick Vukovic could start taking more shots, and then everybody could do it. Well, then it's going to float all our boats, isn't it? This whole notion. And then you say to Sasha, look, you want to put in some time after practicing? No, no, let Kobe, if he could get to 40, he's such a gifted.

[Brian Bishop]

Athlete, he would probably say, nyet.

[Gina Grad]

Nyet. Let Colby do the heavy lifting.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, House Speaker John Boehner evidently told Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to go fuck himself, which I think is amusing. Evidently, Boehner pointed at Reid and said, go fuck yourself.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Reid said, what are you talking about? And then Boehner again said, go fuck yourself.

[Gina Grad]

Wow. I think these guys are punchy now, I can tell you this. Disneyland. I had a thought. This is why I had to bring my little buck slip with me. Disneyland is exquisitely crowded. It is crowded. They don't put a cap. They should put a cap like a bar, you know, capacity, fire marshal, 250 people. They'll let in as many motherfuckers as they can let into that place. And thus the wait over the Pixar cars ride will be three hours. I mean, it'll be three hour wait. It'll be an hour and a half wait. You'll go into that place and you and your family, who, by the way, spent 120, 125 bucks a ticket, you will stand in line for two hours. Oh, Matterhorn's only 55 minutes. Maybe we go over there. But I mean, when is the last time you stood in line for an hour and a half? I mean, this is not to get fucking who tickets. You know, when you're 14 and camped out in front of the music.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus that was the last time Ozzy.

[Gina Grad]

Osbourne going to this. So here's the deal. Here's your choice. Here's all you got. You can, you can buy a valet, you can buy a cute chick who walks you to the fucking front of the line.

[Adam Carolla]

How much does that cost?

[Gina Grad]

It's 350 fucking bucks an hour with. They don't put the fucking part in. That's me. I add the fucking in between the three, it's 350 bucks an hour. It's a six hour minimum. So you do that. But your choice is go to Disneyland with your family and never ride the new cars. Ride and never ride, whatever. Or just, hey, you want to go to the Haunted Mansion? You want to go to Pirates of Paris? The fucking line is you can't see the end of it. And if that's your idea of a vacation or family fun or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you do this?

[Gina Grad]

I'm like, look, my wife basically said, look, we didn't go anywhere this year. We didn't go to Hawaii. We didn't do anything. And we will go down there and you'll just stand in line. That's all you'll do. Now I got a discount through like ABC or something, like 275 bucks an hour. But it's like, that's it or don't go. And I said, fine. But I had all kinds of questions. I was like, I don't want to just walk up to the front of the line with my person. I don't feel weird about it. And Lynette said, oh, no, you go around the back. And I was like, huh? They have like a separate door or something. I thought, oh, this is good. Well, it turns out you go in through the exit, they walk you in through the exit. And it's a scam. It's a deal. They oversell their amusement park to the point where if normal people wanna wait in line for three hours, you can't. But then who the fuck can afford this?

[Adam Carolla]

Like the airlines, right?

[Gina Grad]

But I was just like, oh, you know what? Fuck it. I'm biting the bullet now. You're in there. Couple of good moments, you know, we're like two hours in and like, Lynette's like, I'm hungry. And I'm like, we're not.

[Brian Bishop]

We're on the clock.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, we're on the clock. And she's like, I wanna eat. And the kids wann, I'm gonna get in line over at the hot dog hut over here. And I was like, you sweetie, you take the kids up to Space Mountain. We'll wait in line. A certain point, her and Lynette came back from the line and she was holding a water and I was like, did I buy that? Because you were in line for 20 minutes, which is a hundred dollars and it's like, oh yeah. And like Lynette was like, we'll go to the Blue bayou at like 5:30 and she'll get us in. And I'm like, you don't get it. She's off at 6:30. We showed up at 12:30. There's a six hour minimum. Yeah, but can't we eat at 5:30? We're gonna be hungry. Then you have to go back and do the podcast. I'm like, not while she's standing around making money like a fucking attorney. Yeah, I mean fucking, we'll have fun.

[Adam Carolla]

God damn it.

[Gina Grad]

I mean the fucking dream team didn't cost as much. So I was like, but ultimately it's the only. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit. It's the only way you can do it. If you want to go this time of year and go on rides and go on rides. If you and your kids just want to go look at fat people, walk around in those larks or kazoos or whatever. If you just want to make fun of the broken people and the little people, then that's fine. But if you think you're going on the new Pixar, you know, cars theme, whatever you are about three hours. So I mean literally you could get there at noon and you could stand in line till 2:30. And then I mean you do two rides the whole in an eight or nine hour period you do three or four rides.

[Adam Carolla]

Can anyone get this valet if they have the money?

[Gina Grad]

Anyone who wants to pay 350, they.

[Adam Carolla]

Don'T make this known.

[Gina Grad]

It is, it's kind of like In N Out Burger.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you went to Disneyland animal style?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And like I said 350. It's a funny thing because I said to Lynette, do we tip this person? Like, this girl's really sweet. And she said, yeah, give her 25 bucks. And then she said 25 bucks. And then she thought about it and then she went, or like 15, 20%. Like what a meal Would be. And I was like, that's $400. She's like, oh, because now it's weird. What do you tip them based on the two grand? You can't do it based on the two grand.

[Adam Carolla]

You never know what to tip when something is really overpriced. Not that the valet thing isn't overpriced.

[Gina Grad]

I didn't know if they excited. I literally just said to her, do you take tips? And she said yes. And I said, oh. And I said that's kind of a little weird. I mean, didn't say this to her, but I didn't know. I said, but I'm just saying Disney is one of those places where you'd think they'd say no.

[Adam Carolla]

You think they'd have a policy.

[Gina Grad]

You couldn't give a guy $20 to get on the Matterhorn a little early or even when you got off the Matterhorn, you just gave the guy 20 bucks. Yeah, and it'd be a huge money saver. And she said, well, we didn't used to. And I thought, I miss those days. Evidently this has been going around since like 98. Like Walt Disney used to do it himself, like for, you know, President Reagan or whoever back in the, you know, whoever.

[Brian Bishop]

Agnew, welcome to my world, right?

[Gina Grad]

But now you can buy it. So basically what they're saying is, is, hey, rich whitey, you want to go to Disneyland and you want to fucking stand in a 2 hour line? Pay up. And then I realized, all right, and I was the one who was paying. So I was like, you fucking kids are going to enjoy every one of these goddamn roller coasters. I'll backhand you. And I was going nuts. But then I walked out there and I thought to myself, well, this is a little microcosm of the world. This is costing me $2,000 and it's costing everyone else here $125. And it's basically costing me. I was there for six hours. So anyways, basically it's costing me 350 bucks an hour. And it's costing you guys 15 or $20 an hour. And because Disney's a business, they recognize my $2,000. And that $2,000 gets me to the front of the line. If I don't want to pay it, then I can get to the back of the line. But then I thought to myself, the only thing that doesn't work this way is this government. Like that would be everyone going, half the people got in for free, the other half paid $40. Some people paid $6. I paid $9,000. And everyone said, get to the back of the line. And I went, hey, fuck that. I paid $9,000. I want to get to the front of the line. And then they took a bunch of people paid nothing, and they went, you think you're better than me? And as a matter of fact, we're going to take a vote, and we think you should be paying $10,000 to get into this amusement park. And I was like, why? I already paying nine. And they're going, maintenance takes a lot of maintenance. This place takes a lot of upkeep. And I'm like, okay, I can dig it, but you're getting nine from me. And everyone in front of me in line is paying somewhere between zero and three dollars. So why am I the fucking problem? Why? Because you have more money at home. And it's like, yes, I do, but I already paid nine grand. And I'm in the fucking same amusement park, and I'm using the same bathrooms and I'm waiting in the same line. I mean, there is an element where you go to the front line and you go, all right, I paid two grand for six hours, but at least I know what I'm getting. This is pay two grand, stand in the back of the line. And by the way, shut up. No one wants to hear you complain about paying $9,000 and standing in the back of the line. That is never really going to work. That process is never going to work. Those people at the cause no one.

[Adam Carolla]

Is acknowledging how much you're paying in. At the very least, you'd want to, like, thank you or something that. To make you feel special.

[Gina Grad]

And the everyone who's put in zero, let's take a vote and see how much that guy. That guy's gonna stop showing up. He's moving. He will stop coming to this park. I mean, basically, it's what happened to California. It will happen to the country people will. It happens in England. People go, fuck it. I'm moving. I can't handle it. 75% tax, whatever. Everyone who makes a nickel goes, fuck it, I'm out of here. It gets people not to go. And it certainly doesn't feel good as the person who paid nine grand to get into Disneyland when all the money gets pooled and it all goes into maintenance on the Matterhorn to get fucking finger pointed at me and going, why aren't you paying your fair share when I'm in the back of the fucking line? Fuck everyone. Now, what was my New Year's resolution?

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck New Year.

[Gina Grad]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

It was for everyone to get your shit together.

[Gina Grad]

Everyone gets your shit together. So Disneyland works exactly how society should work. It's exactly how everything works. Every hotel, everything, every car dealership, everything on the planet works except for our government, which is. You want to get to the front of the line, pay two grand.

[Adam Carolla]

What if you were assigned a government issued valet who was just a cute blond chick to get you in the front of the line at the dmv, get you out of tickets?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but then you'd have to tip.

[Gina Grad]

Her and yeah, I'd call her up and I'd be like, dakota, listen, that.

[Adam Carolla]

Would be her name.

[Gina Grad]

I know the trash in a Friday's normally trash day, but I got all this Christmas stuff, like in there, and I was kind of hungover and I didn't bring the cans out on Friday. So anything you can get on the blower there and get the guys to come by, like on Sunday or something like that. Thanks, sweetie. Love you. Love you. Love you.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be so cool if you could do that, right?

[Gina Grad]

And then I would never. I wouldn't get parking tickets or any. I'd be in the Platinum Club, in.

[Adam Carolla]

Other words, of this country.

[Gina Grad]

I would be completely cool, by the way, if paying in over 300 grand just got you into the Platinum Club and you just didn't get chicken shit parking tickets or anything. Like, you didn't get your own fighter jet to fuck around with, but you didn't get like, you didn't get the front of the DMV line and no parking tickets.

[Adam Carolla]

Those things were incentivized. If you could pay extra to skip the DMV line, people would do that. And that would be a way to generate revenue. And I'm sure there's a reason why this can't happen, but I don't see what it is. Or if you could pay extra on a parking ticket and that got you a couple freebies.

[Gina Grad]

The choice again, Disney, just goes, look, you want to pay 125 bucks, you can stand in line. You want to pay two grand, you can go to the front of the line. That'll be your choice. And it'll be just like First Class. The difference is now we resent the person who's going to the front line of the line, but that person's money is subsidizing this entire affair.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm going to resent the person going in through the exit. I've seen that happen at Disneyland and I just assumed, oh, that person must have, like, left their watch in the ride or something.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. How long I was. I will tell you that. None. I walked in every single one of them totally self conscious, going, where's my watch? Where's that goddamn watch? That was my grandfather's watch. He put it up his ass during World War II. No Vietnam? No. First World War II.

[Adam Carolla]

You can still smell him on.

[Gina Grad]

That was weird because you are walking to the front of the line through the exit. But look, they're a business. They like that and they make money. All right, where the hell were we?

[Adam Carolla]

Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Huge news for people who follow Kim Kardashian and Kanye. People are calling them Kimye.

[Gina Grad]

All right, listen, this is one of those things where if we don't have one, we don't have one. You know, Bennifer was one thing and there was like a J something.

[Brian Bishop]

Brangelina worked.

[Gina Grad]

Brangelina worked a little, but now they're so fucking forced.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

You know? You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes.

[Gina Grad]

We're way. Look, if there's a good one, then there's a good one and there's not. Just moving on, you know? Speaking of, I got enough time in my day to say, kim and Kanye.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I don't need it.

[Adam Carolla]

Kanye sounds like some kind of cabbage dish.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. Some sort of weird South Korean bitter cabbage based dish. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

People tell you you're gonna like it, but you don't like it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Oh, you'll love it.

[Adam Carolla]

It smells like farts. So speaking of, at some point they.

[Gina Grad]

Weave their mom into it. Well, if you had it the way my mom made it, what's your answer gonna be? Oh, that dead cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Please dig her up and get her in the kitchen.

[Gina Grad]

Tell her bullshit. Yeah, it's always like, don't play that. If you had it the way my mom used to. All right, all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of word things, I was thinking today, I heard someone say, well, if you believe that, then I've got some ocean front property to sell. You and Yuma. And I was thinking, yeah, I hadn't heard it in a while, but every time I hear it, it's one time too many. I don't need to ever hear that ever again. And I wanted to know what your opinion of that is, because here's the thing. I feel like when people say that, they always say that with like a little smirk in their voice, as if they think they're clever, but. But they're not. It's just cliche. But not clever.

[Gina Grad]

I want you to know Mike lynch, remember we were Standing backstage in Agora at the club and super out of it. Mike August.

[Brian Bishop]

You can just say, mike August.

[Gina Grad]

Mike August. And I told you guys that this is after his second steak. For three weeks. For three weeks we've been talking about having the steak with Nick Santora. Three weeks. And I walked backstage and he was taking the last bite of a huge steak dinner. And I said, mike, it was like a ribeye. Yeah, we're having emails today about it. And he's like, oh, yeah, I forgot. I said, who orders a steak dinner at a club? So basically a music club. You know, you get the chicken fingers and at best, fries, curly fries. You know, here's a full steak, anything free. Probably the most expensive thing. And he looks at me and Mike, he stands, he goes, that was a horrible steak. That was a horrible steak. And we were like, yeah. And he goes, you could still see the whip marks from where the jockey hit it. And Mike and I just stared at him and I said, mike, you don't think we've both heard that joke a thousand times that Ronnie Dangerfield told it? I'm sure guys from the Borscht Belt told it. You know, that thing has to go back to vaudeville number one. Number two, who are you talking to? A couple of guys with learning disabilities.

[Adam Carolla]

At the salesman convention.

[Gina Grad]

You're talking to the funny guy and then the other funny guy who you go out and do funny with and who hate stupid jokes, especially ones that have been told by other people a million times. And I don't know, I had to have a five minute conversation about what the.

[Adam Carolla]

Why the fuck did you have this with August?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah, well, he had it at August Lynch. What'd he say? But yeah, as if neither of us could have possibly ever seen Caddyshack.

[Cousin Sal]

It's not something that would have been.

[Gina Grad]

Required watching for either of us, right? No, no, you can say whatever you want to his face.

[Adam Carolla]

So what did he say?

[Gina Grad]

What can you say to someone going, did you really think either one of us, what do you think we're gonna do? Like, laugh or be amused or go, that's a good one. I'm gonna write that down and work it into my set? Or did you think of that yourself? Or are we both just gonna stare at you? And then along. He finished the last bite of his steak and then started on the cheesecake.

[Brian Bishop]

And then dabbed the corners of his mouth as a napkin.

[Gina Grad]

Then he went to one of the best steakhouses in the country and ordered sushi and a shrimp cocktail for dinner because he couldn't eat range, went to Mastro's and ordered sushi and shrimp. I figured he would have done turf and turf. Well, he did the big shrimp cocktail.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he went to Mastro's. That's my favorite fucking out of it.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know how anything works. I mean, honestly, I think we were talking about this. I can't remember what I was talking about anymore. But we're walking through Fresno and he's like, club called. Yeah. They're going to try to make the bit. They're going to try to make the better, man. I said, yeah, yeah, they need ginger. Ginger. Yeah, they need ginger. Spiderman doesn't have ginger in it. Sure. Because they need ginger. I said, well, they're saying that, but no, no, they don't need it. And he was like, well. And he did this thing. I can't remember. My head is swimming. So pardon me if I said this again. He did this thing where he goes, well, I got the drink cards in the trunk of the rental car, so we can just go ahead and look at the ingredients on those cards. I said, mike, we don't need to do it. I was there when the drink was invented. It's rye, not maple rye. It's lemon juice. It's a simple sugar, and it's Mangria. There's no ginger in it. I've had 20 of them. I was there when they were made. There's no ginger. Well, when we get back to the car, we'll take a look at the. I said, I'm pretty sure I heard it. Yeah. I'm like, we don't need to look at that. He's like, well, why is the club guy bringing it up? Like, mike, this is your favorite drink. You've had 50 of these fucking things. It doesn't taste like ginger. Ginger's very pungent. And, no, I don't know if the guy just had a little brain fart or whatever, but why are you. Why are we having this conversation? He's like. Then later on that night, he's like, check the drink card. No ginger. Whew. Well, I got a whole crate of ginger up in my room. What goes on with people? What is up.

[Brian Bishop]

There's people, and there's Mike August. He's a good guy. We like him a lot.

[Gina Grad]

It's a good point. But you could say to Mike, how much did we make in the second part of the first quarter in 2010? And he'd ring it up on his computer and tell you, boom, net or gross. He'd be like that. But yet, Ginger, he might hold back.

[Adam Carolla]

Your New Year's resolution. That's the new but I love him. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip It Consulting.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. All right, that was Adam Carolla Show 984. Coming up next, we have Adam Caroller Show 1233. Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop 2014. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, it's Adam Croll from the Adam Crolla show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting, BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with BetOnline. BetOnline, the game starts here. All right, someone's got a question for Brian about picking the drops. But you can go to Top Drop, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Just go to Twitter and yeah, use the hashtag topdrop. We want to hear yours. And I'll use the best one every day for a little shout out.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Also, and I'm not sure if that means how do you pull them or how do you decide on them or how do you get them?

[Brian Bishop]

John can answer this question quickly.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I guess I'll keep in my.

[Cousin Sal]

Tradition of being a dick on this.

[Gina Grad]

Show and ask Brian, you use your drops a lot and some of them, you use them more and more. How do you know when to retire a drop? And how come you're not like with.

[Cousin Sal]

The Internet out there, you can get.

[Gina Grad]

You shut your mouth when you're talking to me.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry, John, you were saying really interesting.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I was wondering how you go about picking them, because I hear different ones all the time. This is amazing. I'll never hear them again. And some of them are really funny. And I just wondered what your process is because I went to Top Drop and suggested one and somebody else suggested it too and never got picked.

[Brian Bishop]

I was just kind of wondering what your process is. Just literally for picking the top drop or picking drops that I use.

[Gina Grad]

Whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, to answer the. What I think is his real question is if I hear something funny or something makes me laugh out of Context or I think, oh, that would make something embarrassing for somebody. That always becomes a drop, or at least the drop at the end of that show. And if it sticks, you know, like at the ACE Awards, we heard the best drops of the year. If it sticks, then it's a drop that, you know, makes its way into the regular boom routine.

[Gina Grad]

I. Speaking of, sounds like your thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry to interrupt. It's like your thing with, you know, life is a gin rummy hand. You know, just trying to pick the best ones. And they're probably a lot from the old days I don't use. And there are a lot of new ones.

[Gina Grad]

So funny. Last night, had dinner and do tell.

[Adam Carolla]

It's hilarious.

[Gina Grad]

Already had dinner with Vince Vaughn and his wife. And my wife.

[Brian Bishop]

Your pleasure.

[Gina Grad]

Theirs walked to a restaurant. And the whole time, you know, when you're bringing someone to a restaurant, you're talking up. It's like somehow you discovered this place even though it was there and it will be there and they don't need you and all that kind of stuff, but you get to be the person that goes, oh, yeah, try the portobello mushroom with the crab in it as the appetizer. Unbelievable. I was talking about all day, talking about on the walk there, got to the place, they did the would you like appetizers? I said, oh, yes, we would. We will take. Lynette and I had been talking about it since we ate there the week before. We will take the portobello mushroom with the crab sort of cake on the thing and the thung. And the guy was like, yeah, no, we don't. That was last week. And I said, yeah, but it was so good. And he said, yeah, I know, but now we have new ones. And by the way, the new ones were like the butternut squash soup and stuff like that. That didn't sound very good. And I said, yeah, that was a good one. He said, yeah, we rotate them. And I said, less than 24 hours ago, you need to treat your appetizers like a gin rummy hand. When you get the good one and you get all the great feedback on it and everyone's telling you how delicious it is, feel free to keep that one. And literally ordered a nut soup. I've laughed about it, but LA is the only city where they tell you what's not in. It was like a hazelnut soup first. We want several thousand years of making soup without knowing that you could make soup out of anything pretty. I mean, what I'm saying is, is it like it had to be for Barley or clam chicken chowder or something in it. Now I fucking just talk to people.

[Adam Carolla]

Like vegan.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. What is this soup? I have contact lens. What? Yeah, just one. And some bausch and lawn. Oh, it's. We don't use any. And I like what they. Then they go. They give you the laundry list of what's not in it, which I don't like. There's no cream, there's no dairy. There's no. Right. Because all I can go is, okay, there's no. It's like the people go free. These muffins. These muffins. We don't use any sugar. We don't use any refined anything. We don't use any flour. We don't mean like I'm. And then they end it with. You can't tell. And I'm already like, believe me, I'm a fucking. Yeah, I'm dry heaving already. I know. It was a soup that was literally a. It's creamy without having cream in it. Was made from a nut. I don't. I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds like you're juicing at night, but hot, hot juicing.

[Gina Grad]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it good?

[Gina Grad]

I did. No, it was not. It tasted. It tasted like it was supposed to go. If you made a soup that was basically based on a hazelnut, how good would it taste? You know what I mean? I want some fucking chunks of. I. I don't. Why is it so passe to go. It's clam chowder or it's beef barley, but it's a fucking best. You know what I mean? Why does it have to be made from lettuce soup? You know, celery soup? Like, why. Why are we trying to use a shoelace and some celery and see if we can make soup out of it? And yeah, for a soup that was fashioned from something that shouldn't be soup, hey, this is duvetyne soup. Like, yeah, it was pretty passable for something that should have never been soup. But we're not trapped on an island where we don't have soup ingredients. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a reality.

[Gina Grad]

We have cows and crabs and potatoes and corn and all this gluten, all the stuff that makes soup. Yummy. So let's use those. Why are we hobbling ourselves? Why are we putting ourselves at this soup disadvantage?

[Brian Bishop]

So Vince Vaughn says, do you come to eat? Are you done with the soup?

[Gina Grad]

So I said, no. I'd been talking up the mushroom with the crab thing on it, the portobello mushroom with the crab thing on it. Oh, yeah, we don't have that one. So we got right past that. All right. But I did use the gin rummy hand.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how I look at the drops to try and mix in ones that are. They stick, you know what I mean? Like boom, for example.

[Gina Grad]

Boom.

[Brian Bishop]

That's obviously stuck and people like it. So it's all part of the rotation.

[Gina Grad]

And speaking of sound, just a weird audible thing. We're gonna take a quick break. When we come back, I was listening to Andrew Luck being interviewed after the win.

[Brian Bishop]

That's always fun.

[Gina Grad]

And I started thinking about my buddy Pete Berg, the director, because he's coming out with the one or Left behind or whatever. The Mark Wahlberg thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Lone Survivor.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, all that good stuff. And he's crazy guy, nice guy, known pretty well, does some really crazy stuff. Really good stuff. Does some really bad stuff. But is just a talented director. And when I was hearing Andrew Luck speak, I started hearing Pete Berg.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they're voice doubles.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And I thought, I don't know if anyone else has really thought of this, but I thought, you know what, Gary? I just told Gary, pull me some audio of Andrew Luck, quarterback speaking. Pete Berg, director. Pete's done a lot of big movies, acted in a lot of big movies too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, he is an actor too.

[Gina Grad]

We'll take a quick break. We'll let you hear it right after this.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, I'm Larry Miller.

[Gina Grad]

But in a way, aren't we all?

[Brian Bishop]

And this week on this Week with.

[Gina Grad]

Larry Miller, I tell you about the greatest Christmas gift I ever got anyone. It was for Uncle Arnie.

[Cousin Sal]

Was it a music box or was it coffee?

[Gina Grad]

You can find out by going to LarryMillerpodcast.com we'll see you here. Yeah. Ah, the State of the Union show. Thank you guys so much for supporting and telling a friend and doing the Amazon click through and all that good stuff. All right, we got news. We got. Oh, by the way, Cinefamily, I don't even know if that's how you say it. Los Angeles Friday I'm going to be doing this thing with Ileana Douglas who she co hosts this sort of reboot show. She takes movies that were sort of forgotten or passed over and then hosts a night where she re shows them in a movie theater. And she asked me to show the hammer. And I said for sure I'll be there with bells on. And that is this Friday at 7:30. And Ileana will be there, I'll be there. I think Hench will be there and some other folks Will be there and if you want to come out and say hi, the tickets are like 12 bucks, so it's pretty cheap. Give a little talk after the show and enjoy. Thank you. We have Andrew Luck and Pete Berg. I haven't listened to this. I just heard Luck talking. Reminded me of Berg so we'll see how good my ear was first. Well, listen to the first one. It's different not being a rookie. It's nice not having to sing songs in front of the team and carry, carry Robert Mathis pads everywhere. What is the best song? I'm not gonna say who that was. Now we'll hear Pete Burke, you know, one of the great, I think, you know, lessons to me of this business and the kind of absurdity or the randomness and people talk about, about luck as being an element getting anything made or you can, you can try so hard and do everything right and then now we got to mash it up. We gotta go back and forth a little here. What is that speech pattern where you swallow it? Much different not being a rookie. It's nice not having to sing songs in front of the team and carry, carry.

[Brian Bishop]

Robert Mathis's Pat, you're speaking from your booth.

[Gina Grad]

What actually ends up being a definitive moment and for, for the film getting made and for. There's something. It's the same. I mean it's, the levels are different, but it's the same tone. What it. But it's a technique of talking, speaking.

[Brian Bishop]

You're speaking from like the back of your tongue, top of your throat kind of thing. You know what I mean? Some people have nasally voices, some people have talking with the back of their throat.

[Gina Grad]

I should hang out with Lucker Burke so we could have the perfect tone.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, oh wait, isn't there a little bit. Isn't that a little bit what Dr. Bruce does?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I make that sound because Bruce. Bruce came over to my house today with his kids and it was one of these things where he stopped by on his way to Sacramento with his kids. Fine, I like Bruce well enough, but yeah, I like my time alone as well. But it was one of these things where my wife said, Bruce and the kids are gonna come by at 2:00, we're gonna all jump in the car and head down to Old Town Pasadena and do our thing. And I said, fine, I'm gonna watch the game and then go to work. And Bruce sure enough showed up at 2. But at 4:30 everyone was still spread out all over the sofa. And I said, what happened to the pilgrimage plan. And then I had to do the uncomfortable rousting. You know what I mean? Like, what's going on with that Pasadena. Well, yeah, so Dr. Spaz did come over today.

[Brian Bishop]

There's an actor named Joel David Moore. I don't know if Gary's able to find a clip or not, but he is an actor you would recognize for sure from dodgeball and from Avatar. He's one of the other guys in Avatar and he has the. He not only looks like Andrew Luck, he speaks just like him with the tongue in his throat. Same neck beard. It's very strange. I don't know if you found a clip or not, Gary, but Gary will find.

[Gina Grad]

First of all, I love. I love the show. This is. This is great. And you had a lot of my. A lot of friends on, so I feel in good company. Love the glasses.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you very much.

[Gina Grad]

I couldn't pull them off, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's just.

[Gina Grad]

You got the right build for it.

[Brian Bishop]

What about.

[Gina Grad]

Is that him?

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's not him. Sorry. That's the second shot. They'll find him, but you'll recognize he was an avatar. He was in dodgeball. It's a recognizable character.

[Gina Grad]

Now be prepared. When Gary finds him, he's going to find one. A clip from Sherlock Holmes where he's doing a cockney accident. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

I think he nailed it. He's not in the right clip.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Was that the guy? How'd he find the guy so fast?

[Brian Bishop]

A little bit. Andrew. Skinny Andrew Locke with the neck beard and everything.

[Adam Carolla]

There's three sound alikes.

[Gina Grad]

What's with the neck beard? And I know we're in a day of crazy facial hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Ask Gary. He is sporting one.

[Gina Grad]

No, he's sn.

[Brian Bishop]

He's kind of evil. You know what I mean?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. This is not. I'm looking at three bearded or semi bearded gentlemen in the next room, and none of them have the weird neck beard. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you this. Are we in a complete facial hair free for all in terms of. There were periods when a guy wore a mustache and it was a certain kind of mustache and that was it. And maybe most men did sort of like, here's how you dress. You put a derby on, you put a vest on, you have a pocket watch.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be head hair. It's gonna be a powdered wig.

[Gina Grad]

Right. And then they went to a beard. But if there was a beard, it was a certain kind of beard.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

It was this beard decorative. And it was just a beard. It was this kind of beard or it was this kind of mustache. And maybe even clean shaven wasn't even an option. But whatever it is, guys all got together at the meeting where we talk about black people. And we all agreed on the same facial hair at the meeting. Cause you know, for me it's like, I'm busy, I gotta double down. I wanna have a separate meeting. And we all just agreed and that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it interspersed or do you have your black people meeting and then your facial hair meeting in the same room?

[Gina Grad]

They've asked me to stop talking about the meeting.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Gina Grad]

So I've probably said too much already. But the point is, we agreed on many things and one of them was facial hair. Now they're the guys with the super pin sharpie pinstripe, which I don't get, but the one that looks like the guy just took a sharpie of ha. Drew it down the guy's jaw who.

[Adam Carolla]

Had that whole like. What is like, is that a zigzag? What is on your face? And I. One of the many signs that that was not the right person for me.

[Gina Grad]

There's the neck hair, there's the mustache. There's the young guy rocking the mustache that has like the wax in it. The old timey thing, you know, the barbershop quartet kind of thing. There's the young guy with the big mountain man beard. There's the tight Don Johnson y kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

There's also has the beard that forks into two.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, there's the guy who's got the. There's a smash mouth beard.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the fin. He had the thigh in.

[Gina Grad]

That's right, he did. And then. Yeah, then there's the biker one that's sort of twisted up at the end and braided. But there have never been more beard facial hair options. I mean, we're this close to just half a mustache, just right side.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like the facial equivalent of people marrying animals. It's a real free for all. Anything goes these days.

[Gina Grad]

Anything goes. Anything goes.

[Brian Bishop]

It does feel like between the era of the founding fathers when there was the crazy facial hair, the twirly mustaches and the sideburns and the chops and then this and that. And now where there's that again, There was a couple hundred years of, you know, facial hair deadness, and now it's back.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of facial hair.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, but even if it was dead, like all the Mad Men. Mad Men era. All right, everyone was shaving. But if a guy did have a mustache, he got to choose between three mustaches. Like the Old barbershop where they'd actually show you your haircut before you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I got number two.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that's about it. Now everyone's just going. And I blame razor technology. We can now create whatever we want, treating our face like the world's most retarded canvas.

[Brian Bishop]

You hear that, Gillette?

[Adam Carolla]

Have you guys ever had stupid facial hair?

[Gina Grad]

I have the black man beard. My beard grows curly and coarse and it hurts. And when I grow a beard, which is once every nine years, just for the fuck of it, it's so scratchy and so shitty and so itchy that it drives me insane. I feel like all I want to do is take hot water and splash it on my face. You know that feeling? Yeah. So I'm no full beard for about.

[Brian Bishop]

Six months in college. Like, it was just a beard beard. It was a pain in the ass. So I got rid of it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's itchy and it's uncomfortable for me. And then. Yeah, yeah, you do have to kind of. You end up putting more time into it than you do the, you know, to maintain it. Shave three times a week. I don't know what you shave two, three times. If I'm filming something, depending on how.

[Brian Bishop]

Much I need to shave. But I could shave every. If I had an office job. Every day. Day.

[Gina Grad]

Let's queue up a little news. And I will tell you about one of our fine sponsors from 2013, now opening in 2014. Hulu plus, baby. Oh, man, you gotta have your entertainment. How about thousands of hit TV shows, movies brought right to your own living room. Smartphone or tablet only, $7.99 a month. Current TV shows, SNL, Jimmy Kimmel, shows like Shark Tank. Love me some Shark Tank Scandal, all the big ones. And original programming as well. The community. Doctor who exclusive. Hulu Originals like the Wrong Man's and Behind the Mask. And they have a doc series out there about the world of sports mascots. So original stuff, the old time stuff, the archival stuff, the new stuff, they got it all. And they got a deal. Special offer for my listeners. You can try Hulu plus, free. That's right. Two weeks for free. Huluplus.com Adam try it out. Two weeks free. Extended free trial. So Huluplus.com Adam huluplus.com Adam try it out for free. Allison Rosenberg. Do our first news of 2014, the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Cousin Sal]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Gina Grad]

It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up.

[Brian Bishop]

She'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt.

[Gina Grad]

It's Allison. Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

You may have seen on the news, Adam, that it is really, really, really fucking cold out there. Like historically cold. It hasn't been this cold in decades. And the frigid. It's a polar vortex which is counterclockwise rotating pool of cold, dense air which is sweeping through the Midwest and South and also into New England.

[Gina Grad]

Are we doing with weather what we're doing with facial hair? Meaning we have the technology now to show you all these cool Doppler things and everything blowing in because. Because I feel like it's always been cold this time of year in the Midwest and some seasons are warmer than others, but there's horrible storms of 1891.

[Adam Carolla]

And stuff like that. If you're under 40, this is the first time you've ever experienced this kind of cold. It hasn't been this cold in D.C. for example, in 20 years. In Milwaukee, in 18 years, in Missouri, in 15 years. Yes, they have in certain places had it. It has been this cold before, but not in a really long time. Predictions are it's going to be 25 below in Fargo. It's going to be 31 below in International Falls, Minnesota, 15 below in Indianapolis and Chicago. And with windchill, it may be 50, 60 or 70 below zero. Wow, that's really cold.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Want some of that to come here just a little bit?

[Gina Grad]

I heard the. There was this. There was an icebreaker that was like iced in. It was on a expedition. It was on a global warming.

[Brian Bishop]

Boats.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Ships, I should say.

[Gina Grad]

Or when the ace man lays it out. May I have a seat, ladies? Why? Yeah, that's my icebreaker. Yeah. It is one of those things where I don't know. So again, I've always said it's why Southern California is such a piece of shit. Because we just fall back on. It was 77 degrees today and no one had to shovel their car out of anything. And everything sort of quietly reflects that. I know it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how soft we're getting. Because we don't have to deal with the weather.

[Gina Grad]

No, it's why everything. My theory about why everything in California is so bad, again, it's my hot blonde theory. It's why hot blondes don't know a lot about nautical disasters and aerodynamics and things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Most hot blondes don't.

[Gina Grad]

They don't tell really funny stories and things like that. They don't have to. What do they have to do?

[Adam Carolla]

Just look cute.

[Gina Grad]

Just really. Just, you Know what I mean? Like, most hot blondes don't have incredible personalities. And there's a reason they don't. You know, fat chicks have to dance and hot blondes don't have to.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I'm thrown by Julie Bowen from Modern Family. What's going on there? She's funny and she's a hot blonde.

[Gina Grad]

She has to be Canadian. Or she had to have grown up on a farm. Or there has to be some story.

[Brian Bishop]

Something's up there.

[Gina Grad]

Because she is a delight. And. Yes, or we could find some picture of her in high school where she didn't look nearly as good as she looks now. Or sometimes they come into their own thing, but the die has been cast, so to speak, emotionally, whatever it is. But the fact that you go down and see the Rose Parade and we went down and looked at the floats and stuff before they sent them out this year. And I'll tell you that story tomorrow because it's a good one. But, you know, it's 75 degrees and the sun is shining and those parade floats are going. It just means taxes can be higher, services can be lower, schools can be. Not everything can be not as good as Fargo. You got to work it if you're Fargo. I've known quietly. This has always been our attitude, and it always reigns. Where are you going? Look at it. Look at it outside. It's beautiful. Now pay your taxes and go to your shitty school. And don't worry about the graffiti.

[Adam Carolla]

Apparently it's colder in Atlanta, Georgia than Anchorage, Alaska right now. Or going to be.

[Gina Grad]

Wow, Hotlanta's gonna have to be renamed.

[Adam Carolla]

Only very tangentially related. Cause we're talking about hot gals. I walked out of the studio through that studio door and then back in during our break. And both times I banged my shoulder on the wall. What is going on? I haven't gained weight and I'm not drunk.

[Gina Grad]

You lost the muscle memory. I think you're right just a little bit. It's a weird thing, but it's like, if you're so right, stop driving your car. The weird. You know, one of the weirder things is, I mean, we have muscle memory for a reason. We have too much shit to think about.

[Adam Carolla]

But usually not going through a particular doorway doesn't mean that you're gonna over or undershoot it the next time.

[Gina Grad]

Well, you're definitely either dumb or gain. We. But I'm saying there's also component.

[Adam Carolla]

He probably need his other option to think about that.

[Gina Grad]

There's also a component Called muscle memory. And, like, when I would do the Toyota Grand Prix and we'd do the car training, we'd go out to Willow Springs and we'd drive the race cars for the whole day. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Giant spider.

[Gina Grad]

Giant spider.

[Brian Bishop]

How about that?

[Gina Grad]

There's a giant spider that's dropping down behind me. It's a daddy log. Grab a tissue or something, would you? My whole thing is kill them and throw them out.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's like, larger. It's larger than a ping pong ball. It's a small tennis ball.

[Gina Grad]

And my whole thing is I used to just capture them and throw them outside. But then I realized, first off, they're inside for a reason. They're not confused. It's carpeting. There's food around. This thing could probably eat Maxa. Loxa if he had to. Or Maxapata.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he may have. Where is he? Has anyone seen him?

[Gina Grad]

Either way, we should start. Thank you. We should start killing them.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanksbeard.

[Gina Grad]

All we do is take them, throw them outside. They fuck, they get another spider pregnant, then they just move back in again. And they have their kids over here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's kinder to them. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Use our hospitals, man. Either. Either way.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? Muscle memory, by throwing these ones back out there so they can fuck and their spider babies can come back, you're encouraging that part of the spider that wants to go inside.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Survival of the fittest means the ones that are breeding and allowed to live are the ones that don't come inside.

[Gina Grad]

I'm creating new generations of indoor spiders, domesticated spiders. But I would drive around this track for eight hours in one of these cars that had a stick shift. And then when I was done, I would get into my car, which is an automatic, to drive home, and my left foot would go for the clutch, and my right foot would start. My right hand would start grabbing for a gear shift that did not exist. I'd just done it so many times that when I grabbed that steering wheel, my hands started moving and my foot started moving.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine if you were bisexual.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God. Wow, that'd be tough. Somebody said. I heard somebody just speaking today that said, sort of apropos this or nothing. You should take your mouse at your computer and you should switch hands with it. Do it with your left hand, do with your right hand and just make yourself ambidextrous. Like, turn on that side of your brain or whatever it is. But the door banging. I'm gonna go with muscle memory on that. We've been on break for a couple Weeks. I know you've been in here a few times, but you basically have been.

[Adam Carolla]

On I haven't done my mindless walk to the bathroom. You may have heard over the break some reports that it turned out. Although now it turns out that wasn't true, but there was a rumor that Jenny McCarthy's son did not have autism. Did you get those tweets?

[Gina Grad]

Lot of tweets, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Well, now the story is that she's furious over rumors circulating that her son doesn't have autism. This is what she said. Stories circulating online claiming that I said my son Evan may not have autism after all are blatantly inaccurate and completely ridiculous. Evan was diagnosed with autism by the Autism Evaluation Clinic at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital and was confirmed by the state of California. The implication that I have changed my position that my child was not initially diagnosed with autism is both irresponsible and inaccurate.

[Gina Grad]

It. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

She went on to say, continued misrepresentations such as these only serve to open wounds. Of the many families who are courageously dealing with this disorder, please know that I am taking every legal measure necessary to set this straight.

[Gina Grad]

Why does it open a wound if your kid is autistic? Because someone brought up autism on the Internet. You're living with an autistic 9 year old. They don't think you're. Oh, I forgot all about the kid who just dumped the Ovaltine on his head. I had no idea. Oh, but then I saw this tweet, this vicious tweet.

[Adam Carolla]

It opened the wound. It had just barely scabbed over.

[Gina Grad]

She's such a horrible person. First, look, people get autism. You are putting other people in jeopardy by telling them not to be vaccinated and doing a sort of witch doctor bullshit where you've decided that because, look, Brian got a brain tumor.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Gina Grad]

Brian did not live too close to the power station. Brian did not sit too close to the TV set.

[Adam Carolla]

He just masturbated too much.

[Gina Grad]

Obviously, God just hates Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

I did love Coke Zero.

[Gina Grad]

It is not you standing too close to the microwave. There's a percentage of people that get a certain thing. That's what we are. It works. That's how nature.

[Brian Bishop]

It sucks. Because there are a number of things that certain activities will cause this certain thing, but then it causes hysteria where it's like, oh, there must be something for everything. No, there's not something for everything.

[Gina Grad]

It's a narcissism. When you've decided that this has caused my child or my spouse or my. Whatever, neighbor to get this, it's a form of narcissism. It's the ultimate narcissism because it's a form of control. Like I cannot. The most vulnerable will ever feel is out of control. Like when you go, I mean, it's as old as time Some kid gets somebody becomes ill and is dying and you go, oh, the demons have now taken over the soul, spirit, part of our brain, right? Shit happens. A certain amount of kids have autism. That's it. You like to chalk it up, up to your sort of pseudoscience blonde bullshit. It's not true. And you can potentially do more harm because of a greater number of kids may die of whooping cough or something because of this versus the ones that may or may not get autism from the vaccination, which there's nothing to support that. But we do this all the time and nobody ever really, we hear the first report about it coming out, but no one ever really follows up, up, this is bullshit. And again, I am bothered by her because I do believe. Well, first off, I saw her movie, Dirty Love, I think it was, and I went, this is one that was written, directed by. That's just a piece of shit. It just shows how empty and devoid she is of talent. But she's also one of those, I'm a good looking blond, but I'm going to tell a fart joke and win everyone over. She's so down to earth, right? She's one of us. So she gets to be funny, but she's not really funny. She's just funny for a good looking blonde. See what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

I think the CDC called her a menace to public health.

[Gina Grad]

Well, if you convince, if you can convince enough people. I mean, what if there was just a campaign where celebrity was trying to convince people to start smoking? People would be outraged, right? Like, oh, hey, young people, really, it's cool. Remember James Dean? He smokes. A good thing he did. He was cleaned out by Buick when he was 23. Now what if he had to white knuckle it and quit earlier that year? You know, what if somebody just went on a pro smoking campaign as a celebrity encouraging young folks to smoke. That person would be a fucking pariah. Because you go, you're endangering the lives of young people. Well, if you go on a, an anti vaccination campaign, you're endangering the lives of young people. And yes, you are pariah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what bothers me on a much smaller scale, but still the anti pasteurization campaign. All the raw milk and all that stuff. I don't know what the worst thing you can catch from raw milk is. Maybe it's just you're gonna get diarrhea. But there's a reason that that shit's pasteurized, actually. Cause there's shit in that shit. And that's what's pasteurized.

[Gina Grad]

Whatever. It's the. Look, if it's the fluoride in the water, the pasteurization of the milk or whatever the fuck it is, just let the people with A figure it out and stop thinking that they're coming for you and your child. Leave it the fuck alone and move on. All right. Anyway, so her kid does have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Lots of stories about what's going on in Colorado, because Wednesday, January 1, was the first day that pot was legally sold in the state. So there were huge lines and all sorts of puns. Like they're calling it the green rush. There was this one mom and pop pot shop that was profiled in a story, and they hit record sales of $10,000 within the first few hours of being open.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, of course it's a record. It's first few hours of being open.

[Gina Grad]

And also.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, sorry. They had been a miracle. Medical. Excuse me. Medical marijuana dispensary. Before that.

[Gina Grad]

People love weed, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, they were waiting in really long lines, really cold weather. I think for a lot of people, it was this chance to be part of this historic thing. Yes. They're calling it a green rush. These shops have bud tenders, like bartenders.

[Gina Grad]

People like to be altered. I get it. This is going to be huge cash crop for the government because they're going to get a ton in tax revenue. Mike August does not smoke weed, but has been saying California should do this for years. Just saying the money we could generate. Although, even though he tells me how much money California could generate through the legal sales of marijuana because we would be exporting this shit to China in hay bales. I still know that our school system would come in 47. Why is that? There'd still be a fucking pot. There'd be a pothole in every freeway, and the 405 would be backed up as far as the eye could see. Why is it that this amazing influx of cash would somehow just lead to nothing? I don't know why. Do you guys know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

We're always doing this thing where it's like, oh, we're out of money, or the schools can't afford, or we can't fix the roads, and then we have the dot Com Boom. Or the tech bubble. And then all of a sudden, we're flush with cash, but the school system still sucks and the pothole's still there. Why don't we fill the pothole with the failing student? How come it ever makes a difference? Where's our fucking monorail? Where's our fucking bullet train? Where is it? How come nothing ever changes? How come either someone is going, we don't have enough money for cops, firemen, and teachers, all right? Everything's the same. We're flushed with money from Silicon Valley, all right? Everything's the same. It's just this weird thing. It's like California. I don't know if all states are this or they're like some kind of uncle that never stops complaining about being strapped or hitting it big at the track. Either way, he drives the same fucking Camry, he's married to the same bitch, and he lives in the same fucking house. And he smells the same and he wears the same cardigan. What's the difference then?

[Brian Bishop]

It must be human nature, because on a micro level, with all of us, it's like, imagine you're, I'm finally done paying off that credit card bill or student loan, whatever. I have so much more cash, I'll invest and I'll have so much extra money. And then six months later, you have the same amount of money, even though you are spending less.

[Gina Grad]

I know that is true, but I would drive a nicer car and possibly live in a nicer home or. Or put my money back into my business. You would see something, you would look around and go, oh, Adam Carolla has built out his podcast, built some new offices and new studio. He must be making some money with that endeavor. But everything just seems to be the same always, whether we have money or we don't have money. And that's why I stopped listening. When they go, it's gonna ra. You know how much cash this city or this state could have? Or do you know how strapped it's all same potholes. So much bureaucracy.

[Adam Carolla]

It seems to never get anywhere.

[Gina Grad]

All right, Adam Carolla comes clean. Now [e-mail] I think the problem with Olympic fencing is the outfits. They dress like X ray technicians with a spaghetti colander on their head. They should be forced to wear the outfits of their country swordsmen from back in the day, right? France would have a musketeer. Japan would have a samurai. United States, a homeless guy with a machete. He's got a load in his sweatpants. Subscribe to angel to get exclusive access to The Full Dry Bar comedy special. Adam Carolla comes clean. All right, let's do another.

[Adam Carolla]

Kesha has checked herself into rehab for an eating disorder in a statement provided by her spokesman.

[Gina Grad]

Is there Ask the dollar sign.

[Adam Carolla]

It is.

[Gina Grad]

When did this just become the Wild west of names? Like, everyone just goes, well, I'm going to do whatever I want my facial hair, and I'm going to make up a fake, funky, fucked up name. And I'll just. And I'll use symbols and shit. Like, forget about letters for the A.

[Brian Bishop]

And Adam, you should do the ampersand, like the ad sand.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's my thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I want my I to be a star, an Allison, but it's gonna be dotted with an I. Smiley face, star dotted with an I, dotted with a heart. So she said that she'll be unavailable for the next 30 days while she seeks treatment for an undisclosed eating disorder. Quote, I'm a crusader for being yourself and loving yourself, but I found it hard to practice. And she wants to learn to love herself again exactly as she is.

[Gina Grad]

Do you? It's a weird thing. Here's a weird thing. We work with women and young women and girls and stuff like that. We never stop the beating that you got to learn to love yourself kind of thing. I don't think that's ever brought up as a guy, as a male. No one ever says, you have to learn to love yourself. Now we're turning everyone into colossal pussies. And that's probably starting now. But as a male, you know, like, people would start laughing if I said, I have to learn to love myself. Or I did love myself, but I fell out in love with myself and I found out I was fucking myself with another guy.

[Brian Bishop]

You and yourself, you're trying to patch things up with yourself.

[Gina Grad]

It's. Loving yourself as a guy is not part of the equation. It's not on your list of things to do. It's neither here nor there.

[Adam Carolla]

Is hating yourself something you do?

[Gina Grad]

We just. I think guys, Guys realize that loving yourself, hating yourself, or the way you feel about yourself is kind of neither here nor there. So sort of go to fuck, to work, get your shit done, you know, don't get fat, whatever. Don't become an alcoholic, don't beat strangers, whatever it is, raise your family. But whether you love yourself along the process or along the ways, it's not. It's like me thinking about what kind of socks I should pick out for Molly. Like, she doesn't wear them. She doesn't need them. She's fine. It's a waste of fucking time. There are insane people do put socks on their dogs, but I ain't one of them.

[Brian Bishop]

But they walk funny. Like they walk off, right?

[Gina Grad]

Did you, Brian?

[Brian Bishop]

Loving yourself socks on my dog. What?

[Gina Grad]

Learning to love yourself and loving yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

No, there were there. I was raised. I think most. You're an exception to this rule. I think most people are raised with a have, you know, self esteem or believe in yourself. You can accomplish anything, put your mind to that kind of thing. But loving yourself was never. Was never. You need to, you know, love yourself. That was like. That sounds kind of a weird thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Loving yourself is a replacement. And I agree with what both of you are saying. Loving yourself is a replacement, I think, for hating yourself. Because a lot of women walk around feeling as if they hate themselves. They don't live up to a certain standard, so they have to. Okay, but besides this, do we believe that she has an eating disorder? Is she eating drugs?

[Gina Grad]

I hate her. Yes, because she. Because she's a spokesperson for loving herself with the tip of the love yourself spear, which probably shaped like a vibrator. Either way, stop fucking loving yourself. Everybody just get your shit going. Just get busy. You know? Like, the way you feel about yourself is really neither here nor there. Here or there, you should worry a lot more about what other people feel about you. A lot more like the people who like themselves the most. I find people hate most of the time, so there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

But they're making up for a deficit.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, yes. You're living in a galaxy of hatred of you, but you're in love with you. You're playing it. Love with you. Well, love with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, loving yourself is sort of shorthand for a number of things. Like, I don't sleep around anymore because I love myself. I don't put that stuff into my body anymore because I love my. You know what I mean? It's a host of things, of behaviors you're changing under the guise of respecting yourself.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I. You know, again, people. You respecting yourself. People respecting you. You demanding that people respect you. You demanding that people demand that you love yourself more. Whatever it is, it's just a fucking waste of time. Just. People will think of you solely based on your actions 99% of the time. Once in a while, some people look smarter than other people. Some people look like they'd be better at flying airplanes and things like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Some people walk into walls, some people.

[Gina Grad]

Walk in the walls. Right? Either way, don't worry about trying to convince yourself to feel a certain way about yourself. And don't worry about trying to convince people around you to respect you or. And. Or yell at them to respect you. That rarely works. Usually makes them worse.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's say there was, like, a young woman you knew who made horrible decisions in terms of the guy she dated, though, or who, you know, wanted a relationship but instead was just hooking up with someone, hoping it would turn into something. Do you think that that pattern has to do with her not having the right standards for herself?

[Gina Grad]

I feel like there's behaviors and there's definitely behaviors that need to be modified, but I don't think that they should be modified because you've learned to love yourself or because you now love yourself. I think they should be modified because they're not good behaviors. Whether. Whether it's eating a quart of Haagen Dazs at midnight or chain smoking or sleeping around and getting venereal diseases as a human being or as. You know, if this was any species on the planet, you'd probably tell them to knock it off. It's not. You know, we do it with our fucking pets. Like, if you think about what we do with our pets, if my wife sees me give a piece of fat or something to my dog, she'll be like, hey, come on, Molly's diabetic. Or if I, God forbid, if I threw a Raisinet down and let her gobble that up, it'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? She ate special food. She's on a special diet. It's not only because she's diabetic. It's like, we monitor what goes into our pets, the way we treat them, the way we take. We would never treat our pets like we treat ourselves. If you think about it. Sniff. Yeah. I mean, you wouldn't give your pet a big wedge of cheesecake and then have him wash it down with a couple cocktails or something. You'd be like, that's insane. So you should try to treat yourself like you're a member on this planet. But it's not about loving you or respecting you or any of that. It's just. Piece of cheesecake every once in a while is okay, or sleeping around with a stranger every once in a while is okay, but you make a life out of it, then it's not okay. And that's just kind of where I'm at. I had a weird. It is so weird how talk about kids and nature and nurture and all this kind of stuff and how insane these things are. My. My daughter is Loud. Banshee, screamer, puncher, Nuts. Like I said, my son gives me a kiss on the lips. My daughter headbutts me. My daughter, if she's. She's the kind of person who. If she's running at you to give you a hug, she doesn't slow down. When she launches herself, she's like Troy Palomalu coming at you with that head. Just boom. She fucking launches herself at you. And everything is. That's about it. She has. And I say all the time, she.

[Brian Bishop]

Goes for the ball.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. My wife's mom passed away. Her name is Helen, and she was nuts. Like, fourth degree black belt, louder than shit and nuts. My grandmother was named Helen. Not nuts, but louder than shit. I mean, just loud. And my daughter is very loud. And I said. I was sitting. I took my kids out yesterday. We were eating lunch, and my daughter said, how do you and Mommy meet? And I said, well, we were at a. I went to a thing with Uncle Jimmy, and it was an event, and she is my cherry pie called Amateur Night. And. And we're. To Jimmy the sports guy, like, Monday night sports thing. And Lynette was working for some syndicator. I just shot Loveline, the TV pilot. I never saw it. She went there and she had it. We struck a conversation, but I said, you, Mommy's very pretty and she's very nice. And so Daddy asked her out on a date. And my daughter was. Two good moments. One moment where my daughter said, wait a minute. Were we here yet? And my son went, no, stupid. Like, come on. It's a weird thing when you're seven. You can't imagine not existing. You know, you're not doing the math.

[Brian Bishop]

All this is here before me, right?

[Gina Grad]

So it was a weird thing, but my daughter looked at me and said, was her hair up or was her hair down? I said, well, her hair was down. And she said, I knew. And then later on, I got home and I said, you know, Lynette, I was talking to Natalia about meeting, how we met, and first thing I remember, she wanted to know if your hair was up or your hair was down. And she said, God damn it. My crazy mom would, like, scream at me, you know, look, if you're going out, put your hair down. If you want to look nice, you're going to take a picture. Put your hair down. And Natalia sits in the back seat of the car, and if mommy has her hair up in a ponytail, starts scraping at the back of her head to pull her hair out of the ponytail and get her hair Down. And it's like, where the fuck's that come from? The longer I live, I'm getting much further away from nurture and much more into nature. And there's some sort of crazy gene of women on her side of the family that insist that people have women have their hair down. And my daughter's been doing it since she was 4 years old. No one taught her that. It's not like she was traumatized by a bun. There was a legal secretary, Prince Leia.

[Brian Bishop]

Never again traumatized her.

[Gina Grad]

The hair up and those double buns or something. That's crazy. Helen being channeled through young Natalia. Louder than shit. My son's super quiet. My dad's super quiet. My. My mom is super quiet because her mom was louder than shit. She was attracted to somebody, meaning my dad, who didn't like to form sentences and things like that. So it's all very interesting, but first thing out of her mouth. Hair down. Yes, hair down. Knew it. So interesting. Interesting world we're living in. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosenz. Ibit cunt. I don't sleep around anymore because I love myself. Off.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. All right, there's adam K Show 1233. Come next, we have Adam Ka Show 1482. This one's featuring Patton Oswalt, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop. This is the first episode with Gina Grad taking over as News Girl in 2015. It's the first episode returning we've played before in the past in full. Some people don't really like listening the whole episode or have a negative reaction. So I want to find some nice, fun clips from the episode to play and hope you guys enjoy.

[Gina Grad]

All right, New Year's resolution. Vow to eat healthier. But what about your beloved pets and their nutrition? Yeah, you're doing better, but they're getting a bunch of dried up old kibble. Dr. Dennis Black created rough greens and meow greens to bring their dead food back to life with live vitamins and minerals, probiotics, enzymes, omega oils, antioxidants, and more. See, pet food is dead food. And eat dead food, soon enough you're going to join it. You need to bring it to life all by the way in a tasty formula your dog or cat will love. It'll improve their coat, digestion, energy, and mean less vet bills. I've been doing this with Phil holding the sack right now. Vita Smart. You don't have to buy food and keep it in the refrigerator. You just sprinkle this on top of the food you're currently serving your dog or your cat. Get a jump start trial bag. It's normally 20 bucks. It's free with the promo Code Adam, you just cover shipping. It's a free Jumpstart trial bag. That's it. Just go to ruffgreens.com use the code Adam, Try it out for free. Your dog's going to love it. And you'll notice the difference quickly in your dog's vigor and health. Ruff Greens so good your pet will ask for it by name also. All right, so just some general thoughts, and I think this is going to be somewhat uplifting. I hope so. My kids got a bunch of shit this year. A bunch of helicopters that started off as trucks and then broke free of their wheels and lifted into the air and blah, blah, blah. They got another thing that was like a drone that you could put a camera on and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Bishop]

There's crane shots they can't get.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Gary flew it into the ceiling of the warehouse and then Rob flew it into the wall of the warehouse and now it's at home. And I have no idea how to operate it. They got three of everything. Three of everything. And they're all more technologically advanced than the next, but somehow it's not moving their needle. The number one gift that we got, that's a waste of my time the entire Christmas vacation. And I've been home and I've been relaxing and enjoying my family during the entire Christmas vac. And the number one gift is J. Joe. He's assistant Jay, ex assistant J. Jay Miller came to the house with his lovely girlfriend a couple days after Christmas. And he said, got a gift for the kids. I said, what is this gift? And he said, it's a mobile ping pong unit. And I said, how does that work? And he said, I bought it for myself during the grab bag. Actually, I bought it for a friend during the grab bag. But somehow during the grab bag, white elephants, The Yankee swap. Yankee swap. Secret Santa thing, He somehow finagled it back to him. The cap was $20, so it was $17 or whatever it is. It's two ping pong paddles, three balls and a mobile net. And the net is an accordion that'll pull out to 6ft or go in as close as 2ft. And then it has two sort of L shaped clamp hooks that go into the bottom of it. You can turn any table into a ping pong table. Any flat surface, any Flat surface. Right. So if you have a dining room table, ping pong table, it's all plastic. I'm sure it's from China. It was well under $20. And he brought it over and he said, yeah, let me get it hooked up over here on the dining room table. We had to add a leaf in, left over from Thanksgiving, so it was a little extra length. He slid it in the middle. I got my daughter on one side, I was on the other. And we've gone at it ever since. She comes home from whatever and says, you want to play ping pong? My son comes home, says, you want to play? The number one thing we've played is a $13 plastic piece of shit game that's as old as all our childhood goes back to China 2000 years ago. Better than the unmanned drone. Better than the unmanned drone.

[Brian Bishop]

But there's something satisfying about the simple physical man versus man, one versus the other. Just back and forth till one wins.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know that that will ever be replaced. That. And then when you do this, no one's going anywhere until we volley 10 times. And I don't care if we don't go to dinner tonight. I don't care if we never leave the house. We gotta get back and forth 10 times. One, you know, two, you get to seven, it goes off the table, starting at one again. There's something so insanely visceral, pragmatic, and whatever about that simple. Just that simple interaction that I don't think it can be replaced with a video game or a drone. Is one of the kids better at it than the other? Yes. The girl kicks the shit out of the boy. He wants nothing to do. He basically gets down on one knee and runs across, like in tennis tournaments, and grabs a ball, runs back again. Sure, that's all he does. He's a shagger. He's a shagger. But the thing that's interesting is I say to her, we're not going anywhere until we get 10, and we'll get to 6. And mom will be yelling, it's time to go to dinner. And I'll go, nope, we're not moving until you get to 10. And I've realized it's sort of how you get better at everything. Yeah. In your hours, if you're skipping rope and you do that crossover move, don't drop the rope until you get 5 off. And if you screw up at 4, start over, start over again. And no dropping the rope until you get 5 or 10 or 15 or whatever that number is. But Keep it going. Anyway, J. Joe's little ping pong game had turned out to be the hit. And it's under $20. It involves zero technology. There's no one we didn't know that had have one of these things in their basement somewhere growing up. It's not one of these, Ah, you newfangled whatever with your plasma screen and your digital whatever. No, just old school. Super satisfying sound. Yeah. Have to. There's no cheating it. You have to kind of use the little finesse and that's that. Does she take to a backhand more or how does. How does that work for her? She basically just smacks down on it each time, but is. But gets good enough. So we got up to, I don't know, 21 was like our best volley.

[Brian Bishop]

Is height an issue with her or. Cause she's the over the table.

[Gina Grad]

I need to throw her on a stool. She's right there. Limits her mobility. She's right there. It made me think that the simple things in life are really the most satisfying things in life. When you're eight years old, all the technology in the world takes a backseat to you and daddy trying to get to 10 with the ping pong ball and the noise and the. Oh, one off the edge. Oh, saved it. Ooh. You know, popped it up in the air, you know, just that kind of. Just satisfying. Yeah. It's like a kid from the 20 wearing knickers and running down the street with the hoop and the stick. And if she's not going all Mac and row, then it's fine. She's not getting mad. No, not yet.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of which, are you. Are you playing at your full capacity when you fire?

[Gina Grad]

No, no, I'm. Well, the thing is, I'm attempting to keep the rally going. That's my entire effort. Oh, oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescento renting a house, keeping that Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories and stock either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free, in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. Need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well. Get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts, one stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car in store online, you can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam yeah, wheeze back. Pat Noswalt here. Carnegie Hall. I know, that's exciting.

[Cousin Sal]

It's exciting. The only way that I'm, you know, I'm, I'm there, I'm really nervous. I'm leaving right when I'm done with this show to go. I'm trying to get in as many sets as I can before I do Carnegie hall on Friday night. So that it's, I don't want it to be the only show that I do this week.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

If I just step out on to Carnegie Hall.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

And it's the first show I've done in a week and a half that's gonna, that's not gonna be a good. So I'm gonna make it so that it won't like, oh, this is another show that I'm doing. Even though it's still, I'm trying to fool myself, Adam.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

Trying to lie to myself.

[Gina Grad]

How important is that? I mean, you know, I'm sort of half a stand up comedian, but I hear about stand ups all the time. You want to get out, do sets, you want to work. And multiple times a night go from one club to the next club in an evening. And to say, I mean, would you equate it to almost like sports? Like, you can't just sit down for six months and then get up and play a big game.

[Cousin Sal]

No, it's, that's an arena. That's a, that's a big show. That's a, I don't know what they call professional sports where you go into the show, you go into the, whatever it is a, I wouldn't say it's a Super Bowl. It's definitely a bowl game.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I'd say Carnegie hall for most standup comedians. It doesn't. Even if it physically, statistically gets bigger, it doesn't get better or more symbolic than Carnegie Hall.

[Cousin Sal]

It does exactly.

[Gina Grad]

In terms of your parents bragging about you, which they would never do. Well, that if they did.

[Cousin Sal]

Because that phrase, Carnegie hall, everybody gets that.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

That phrase is up there with Rolls Royce, filet mignon, two girls in a cup.

[Gina Grad]

It's right up there.

[Cousin Sal]

It's one of those shortcut slang terms for, oh, God, you've just hit some plateau.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I'd say yes. I mean, it is when your son is playing Carnegie Hall. Yeah, it's a major, major deal.

[Cousin Sal]

It's like saying, oh yeah, my son, he's pitching in the World Series next Tuesday.

[Gina Grad]

Absolutely.

[Cousin Sal]

That's how. That's the exact same thing. And so it's hard to get that out of your head. Cause it's one of those gigs that you get outside of yourself and start thinking about, of, I'm gonna be at Carnegie Hall. Oh, my God. You know, you stop being a comedian doing a show, it's you, Patton Oswalt, all of your history, you go back to being an 8 year old and you're suddenly gonna be at Carnegie Hall.

[Gina Grad]

Well, so let me ask you this then as a performer, we all know the difference between the playing the big theaters and then you're going to the Addison Improv upstairs at the Mini Mall in Texas on you're doing a Thursday night show.

[Cousin Sal]

Not to put down Addison. A lot of history at the Addison Improv.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Used to be a Pizza Hut. Yeah, A lot of history there. So. But what I'm saying is there's a part of you that in a way might perform better on a Thursday night at the Addison Improv because you're not up in your head.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, my God, Adam. Okay. One of the reasons that this is just as a comedian, let's go back to the 2008 election. You know, I knew as a comedian when Obama was gonna win and McCain was gonna lose during that Adam, whatever, that Albert Smith dinner where the two presidential nominees go up and they kind of do a comedy routine.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

Remember that night?

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Cousin Sal]

If you watch it on YouTube, Obama goes up, he's fine, he's a little stiff because he still has something to lose.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

Mkengo went up and annihilated. He was loose. He was fucking with everybody up on the dais. He didn't give a shit. And as a comedian, I was like, oh, he knows someone has shown him the numbers. And he can just relax. And then later that week, he went on SNL and destroyed like, I'm done. I can.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

So I've had nights, like, one of the best sets I ever had. I remember this very specifically was it was at the Punchline in San Francisco. We're all auditioning for Star Search. This is back in the early 90s. And I was told before the show, the producers don't like you. They're not going to be filming you. You're not getting Star Search tonight.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

And I went up and had one of them because I'm like, I'm the one guy here that has. I can't screw up everyone else. They're all really good. You could see them. They're double, triple, quadruple thinking. Everything like, how do I get this perfect? So you're right. A Thursday night in Addison where the room is half filled, you'll actually see a much closer version of that comedian than if they're at Carnegie hall. Because. Yeah. It's historical for you.

[Gina Grad]

It is the version. I think there's a actual same night version of that, which is, if you ever host a decent sized award show.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

You have to. You know, you're gonna open with like a 16 minute monologue or a 14 minute monologue. Maybe it'll be 28 minutes and they'll whack it down to nine minutes, or maybe it'll be a tight nine minutes, but either way, you're gonna open with this big chunk.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Then you got some sort of bit that you're gonna do after that. But the show's 90 minutes, maybe it's two hours. There's that feeling when you're standing backstage where you've walked back and forth. You've been on stage 11 times now where there's still 20 minutes more of the show to go. But you think to yourself, it's all. All the heavy lifting's behind me now. I'm done. I can have a Heineken backstage. I can walk out.

[Cousin Sal]

I can walk out with a drink.

[Gina Grad]

I walk out with a drink. Like, how you guys doing? The part that I was focusing on, the tough part is behind me now.

[Cousin Sal]

When I hosted the Independent Spirit Awards, I talked to a couple of ex hosts, talked to Andy Samberg, talked to Seth Rogen, and they said, your job is 10 minutes. That's the opening. That's all you gotta focus on. And if you get that done. And also no one will listen to you. They're all making deals. Just act like you're killing. They'll cut it to make you look good. And then once that's over, you can just kick back, drink your scotch, have a great night. And that's all it was. It was 10 minutes of terror of Brad Pitt and Angelina kind of looking up at me like, who let this guy. Who is he? Is this like a stagehand?

[Gina Grad]

We're not the same species, are we? There's no way we come from the same planet.

[Cousin Sal]

Is this like a make a wish bucket list thing? I don't know who this guy is. And then once that's done, then you can just come, hey, all right, next guy coming up. Here we go.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, they should tell you because I did like the Blockbuster Music Awards or something at whatever. They should tell you, look down, prepare to see Mike Tyson bored.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, you may throw your game off.

[Cousin Sal]

Seeing Mike Tyson board. I saw Brad Pitt get up during my set to go talk to a friend at another table, and I was gonna go say hi. And I don't blame him. I would. I think he was, like, over talking to Bruce Dern or something. I'd way rather talk to Bruce Dern than listen to myself. I'd go talk to him.

[Gina Grad]

And there was no heckling of any kind.

[Cousin Sal]

No heckling would have meant they were paying attention.

[Gina Grad]

They weren't tuned in. They were, you know, you have to follow along.

[Cousin Sal]

How many. Do we. Can we get any more breadsticks on this table? Yeah, because there's.

[Gina Grad]

There's an ultimate heckling, which is Did. Did you valet the car or should I. I should have the guy. I'm gonna go talk to the guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Kind of loud in this dining room.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. You want breadsticks? I can get them when I come back.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on.

[Cousin Sal]

See, that's the worst kind of heckling. If they're yelling at you, it means, oh, well, they're engaged. They're engaged. But yeah, if they're going. We. They said five mozzarella sticks in a basket, and there's four, and there's like a little. It looks like a third of one, I think. What happened? What, like. And you're. Oh, they.

[Gina Grad]

Charlize Theron is put on weight for a part. Sweetie, she isn't just put on weight. Charlize Theron is not just put on weight. Are the trolls talking again? Anyway, you don't just put on weight. She does it for a role. She wouldn't be with Sean Penn if she just put weight on somebody.

[Cousin Sal]

Answer the trolls three magic questions. My friend did a one night or one night? This is out in, like, Montecito, California. He said that at the beginning of the show, you're talking about a nightmare gig. At the beginning of the show, they went, you're gonna open the show and then announce. At the end of the show, we're gonna draw. There's cards on the table. If they fill their names out, we're gonna draw a card and we're gonna give away a free T shirt for this bar that the gig was in. He goes, okay, folks, and thanks for coming out, by the way. Fill out your cards. We're giving away a free T shirt. And the room exploded, people. I didn't get a card to fill. And for not only the entire show, all they do is argue about, do we just fill out one card per person or is it a card for a table? Can I fill out more? Because, well, the lady at that table, I saw her fill out three cards. So that means. And they never once shut up. All they. And at one point, I think the feature act had to go up and go, it's a T shirt, people. It's literally a T shirt.

[Gina Grad]

The things.

[Cousin Sal]

And they never showed up.

[Gina Grad]

The difference between a T shirt and winning a T shirt is the difference between the aforementioned Rolls Royce and a Camry for people. All you have to do is go to a Lakers or Clippers game and watch them fire that T shirt cannon. And people will knock over eleven dollar beer and crush a small child to get to the $4 worth of Hanes with the Lakers logo that they probably already have three of.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, exactly.

[Gina Grad]

Anyway, there's just something about it. Speaking of disrespect, somebody tweeted me something. You guys, tell me how you would tell me.

[Cousin Sal]

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying somebody sent you something disrespectful on Twitter?

[Gina Grad]

Weird, right?

[Cousin Sal]

Wait, is this. What's going on? Well, wait a minute. Are you making this up? This better not be a prank.

[Gina Grad]

People are generally kind, but what they do with me is they go, I thought you should be aware of this. And then they show me a picture with me in a dunce cap with my thumb up my ass crying. And I go, I don't remember taking that. Well, I thought you should know. It's that third party troll. I thought you should know about this. So I don't seek it out, but I get the. I thought you should know. Somebody went and looked on Hulu or one of those places and they found the man show was on. And I said, all right. Because people say to me all the time, when is the man show? Coming on whatever new technology is invented.

[Cousin Sal]

Is it on Hulu or is it.

[Gina Grad]

I didn't know. I never check. I would never check. I don't know. But somebody said, I think it's on Hulu. And I said, okay. And then they sent me the screenshot of it, and it was a picture of Jimmy Kimmel. I'll show it to you.

[Brian Bishop]

It is on Hulu.

[Gina Grad]

It is Jimmy Kimmel toasting me, except for I've been cropped out of the picture. Now. The picture is Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla, except for they cropped Adam Caroll out. It says, starring Jimmy Kimmel. And then underneath it, my name is misspelled. Yeah, it's the one man show.

[Brian Bishop]

What is that not the men's show.

[Gina Grad]

I thought to myself, now, here's the thing that was funny, little Stalin esque. Here's the thing that I found interesting about the whole thing. It's 1:30 in the afternoon. I'm still in my bathrobe. But it doesn't stop me from going for beer to take the edge off. I'm sitting at my house looking at this, and I said, you know what? I gotta get ahold of Jimmy. Jimmy's gonna get a kick out of this. And then I thought, wait a minute. He's in Cancun right now with Jennifer Aniston on Christmas vacation. And then I thought, maybe they're right. Like, I think they have a point. He's with Jennifer Aniston right now. I'm with my kids in Glendale. I think maybe it's hard to. It's hard to argue with their logic when I'm gonna try to get hold of Jimmy and he's hanging with Jennifer Aniston on some white beach in a private infinity pool right now.

[Cousin Sal]

Exactly.

[Gina Grad]

So maybe they have a point.

[Brian Bishop]

But the jury's still out. But they're licking the envelope.

[Gina Grad]

To me, the misspelling of the last name, I think was. Was the part. And the crop. The part where it's cropped out where he's toasting nobody. He's supposed to be toasting me in the next chair. Yeah, it for sure doesn't look like he's toasting the camera. He's doing a full body reachover.

[Cousin Sal]

That is a weird thing to crop, though. Like, they. There's hundreds of other pictures of him they could have just put in there. But they. It was almost like, we gotta let Adam know. Like, he's got a little gut punch for Adam. He's gotta know that he's being. Although the only way they could have made it worse is if they had just left a sliver of your beer glass.

[Gina Grad]

They needed a sliver of my mug, Literally.

[Cousin Sal]

Or just your hand or something like. Just to let you know. Oh, no, we know.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, we know you're in there.

[Adam Carolla]

We know.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, we're just cutting you out.

[Gina Grad]

Starring Jimmy Kimmel. I'm. You know. Are you on that show?

[Brian Bishop]

You're on that show.

[Gina Grad]

I'm not a litigious person, but this crosses some sort of line, doesn't it? We created the show. Show together. We were in. It's not like I took a few episodes off. That picture had me in it. It just got cropped out. And then they misspelled my name at the bottom.

[Cousin Sal]

I do. Look, I do love Hulu, though. The other night, I was watching up in Smoke with. Starring Tommy Chong. Sure, yeah. It was up in Smoke starring Tommy Chong. Without Cheech and. Well, no, it was. And Cheech. Moron.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Cousin Sal]

And, yeah, that was all starting. Adam, Crayola, this great poster. Tommy, Chunky. And it's like. It's like he's reaching off for a joint. It's weird. Maybe he's at a party or something. He's, like, in a car or something. But it's up in Smoke starring Tommy Chong. It's a great look for it on Hulu. It's a great movie.

[Gina Grad]

Do you feel this way?

[Cousin Sal]

Oh, and also watch Costello Meets Frankenstein. That movie is so funny.

[Brian Bishop]

When you're done with that, check out.

[Cousin Sal]

The Blues Brother with Adventures of Elwood Blues. That's a great movie.

[Gina Grad]

I've always said this to Jimmy. When you go to do a show, and whenever you're in the dressing room and you know this patent of his show and of every other show, you walk into the dressing room and it's a picture of Jimmy hugging Michelle Obama. And then there's Oprah, and then there's Brad Pitt, and then there's Ellen. And all I do is sit there and go, boy, I wish. I know. They wish they had any one of these people tonight instead of fucking me.

[Cousin Sal]

And then you go use the public bathroom, and there's your picture of him and you hanging out over the urinal.

[Gina Grad]

Tacked up, but it looks like he's hugging someone, but you don't know who it is. So how would you guys feel about the man show starring Jimmy Kimmel? If that was your show, would you be okay?

[Cousin Sal]

I don't know. The thing is, you set it up, though. You made it very clear that you kind of don't care where it pops up. So it's hard for me to get wound for you indignant on his. Exactly. Like, if you. If you've been going, I've been waiting for the man show to come, like. But it's clear that someone else, and not even Jimmy Kimmel, a fan, had to track this down and go, hey, by the way, you go, oh, what?

[Gina Grad]

No, the saddest part about this entire equation is some bean counter said, we can make another nickel if we just have the popular one on this thing. No one's heard of Adam Carolla, but Jimmy Kimmel they've heard of, like, somebody made. There was a calculated effort to make another dime. That's the sad part.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah, but that happens all the time. That happens all the time. You know, like, you go see the. Go look at a DVD or an old poster from the 70s for, like, that movie the Devil's Reign that John Travolt has one line in. But then they quickly redid the poster with just his face. John Travolt and the Devil's. And he's in it for a second, then his face melts off.

[Gina Grad]

The movie. I always laughed at when I would. In 1982, I'd be watching television and say, we now return to Logan's Run, starring Farrah Fawcett. It's like, she's not starring in this movie. It's just. She's relevant now. Yeah.

[Cousin Sal]

She has one scene she literally loves for me, goes to sleep.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of movies, I'm interested in the book Patton. It's about your love of movies.

[Cousin Sal]

Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Cousin Sal]

Nice segue. Thank you. Thanks for plugging my book, Adam. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Carnegie Hall. Yes, the book.

[Cousin Sal]

Joking. The book. I mean, it was me being. And you. You know what this is like, Adam, I was for. For four years when I lived in LA 95 to 99, I just obsessively went and saw movies. I got obsessed with something and I fell down a wormhole of my own obsession to the point where it was affecting the rest of my life both in negative and positive ways? And I just kind of go into that. That in the book, is it.

[Gina Grad]

And your relationship with movies, is it sort of love love or love hate, or do you watch movies and go, God, that was so good, but it could have been better if they'd done this or it. Was it hard just to watch a movie as a fan because of your brain?

[Cousin Sal]

Well, my relationship with movies started off very delusional, which was, if I go see movies every day, I'll eventually be. Become a director. I'll learn to direct by watching movies every day. I'll do it the way Scorsese did it, the way Tarantino did it. And then it just became this. It was almost a tick. It was a nervous tick. I'll just go see movies. I'll see every movie that's out. I'll check them all off. And somehow. And then as I was seeing them, I started being in movies. So now I have this thing where even if I see a really terrible movie because I've been in enough movies and I've been in some bad ones, even the worst movie, people broke their ass on it. So when you're seeing a bad movie, if you've been in movies, it's hard to go, oh, this is terror. You know, they all tried. Do you know what I mean?

[Gina Grad]

Even if it's deathbed.

[Cousin Sal]

Hey, the people that made Deathbed Night, I know I've done a bit about this, but that movie, it's about a bed that eats people. People get on the bed and they fucking eat.

[Gina Grad]

So what happened to Farrah Fawcett, Logan's Run?

[Cousin Sal]

They worked hard. Somebody built the bed. They got up early, they shot scene. They wanted that movie to be good.

[Gina Grad]

Well, the thing that I've always said about movies, I mean, not big blockbuster varieties, but maybe that as well, but certainly comedies. It's the exact same amount of effort to make a shitty movie as it is to make a good movie in terms of calorie burning. You can't say that about home building. You can take a look at a little shitty house and go, all right. But the guy got it for 300 grand and it's 1800 square feet and it only took him a week to build and blah, blah, blah. And then you see the big McMansion, you go, all right, well, that's a bunch of square footage and a bunch of infinity pool and blah, blah, blah. But movies, you see a lot of really shitty movies that are incredibly well shot.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Well executed. Like, everybody was a total pro. Just a shitty.

[Cousin Sal]

Well, there's a. There's a saying. There's a director, John Huston, who made Maltese Falcon and stuff, and he goes, Sometimes when you make a movie, when it. They go, how do you make a successful movie? He goes, you just make it. And the thing just happens. And it either happens or it doesn't. And sometimes you get the perfect example. There's a movie, the movie the Wild Wild west, that came out where if you watch that movie, it's Will Smith, who, however you feel about him, the dude's a movie star.

[Gina Grad]

Absolutely.

[Cousin Sal]

You just watch him on screen and go, that guy should be a movies. And he's as charming as he's been in any other movie, as in Independence Day and Men in Black. And they've got amazing special effects, they've got Kenneth Branagh, they've got all these great performers and they're doing what they do best and it just doesn't happen. It's so weird when that happens. That can happen. You can. I mean, and you can get a movie like the Color of Money. You got Martin Scorsese and Paul Newman and it's a sequel to the Hustlers and it's this Tom Cruise. And I think it was. Did Richard Price write that screenplay or did David Mam. It was amazing. Like everything is coming together and it just doesn't happen. It's so weird.

[Gina Grad]

I always describe that as this. As someone who makes a movie once in a while when everyone halfway into it always goes, how's it going? How's it going? How's it going? I say, I think it's going well. But there is such a thing as you going to the market and getting your 10 favorite ingredients, chopping them all up and putting them in a big pot and stirring them and seasoning them. And at some point you take the ladle and you take a little sip out of it and you go, what happened? And someone goes, that's all your favorite things. All the best ingredients. It's all the best. It's in one pot and it's all together. And you, you go, I know, it's just not really that good. And I say until you take that first sort of hit off the ladle, there's no. Even though it's all the best cuts of beef and all the freshest vegetables and all this and that, no guarantees until you take that hit. And that's kind of what makes it fun, but also scary.

[Cousin Sal]

You know, people that go, I like to go to Vegas and gambling. If you really like to gamble, make a movie. Because you just. I mean, it is such a blind. That's why Sylvester Stallone said this great quote about how can people make so many sequels? He goes, I'll tell you why they make sequels. And he goes, and he goes, I agree, sequels are usually pretty bad. But you have to understand when you make a movie, it's like going into a closet to get dressed for prom with the lights off and you just grab. You don't know what you're grabbing. And sometimes you walk out of the Closet like, oh, my God, I nailed it. So then people like, well, do that again. Because usually it doesn't happen. So if you make it happen once, you're like, do that again. We. You know, so it's that kind of. I mean, yeah, you want people to take risks and do something crazy, but.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I know you've done a bunch of movies and.

[Cousin Sal]

But only been in them. Never made one. Not yet.

[Gina Grad]

Well, you know, it's not. In a weird way.

[Cousin Sal]

You've made movies.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. It's not as difficult as you think.

[Cousin Sal]

I know. I'm psyching myself out.

[Gina Grad]

You are psyching yourself out. And it's also kind of thing where you definitely have. You will get judged because there'll be a bunch of people in the theater and they'll turn the lights off and then they'll start judging for 90 minutes. But as a very good writer and a very good actor and as someone who's seen many movies. When does Patton Oswalt make a movie?

[Cousin Sal]

It'll happen. It's going to. I feel that it's gonna happen soon. It's. It's just gonna. I'm gonna have to. It'd be the same thing, though, with. With stand up. I had to think about it a while before I made the leap. But the thing with standup was I was just making the leap by myself. When I make a movie, I've got to convince about 15 other people to make the leap with me.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Cousin Sal]

That's what I got to work on because I'm just. I'm still very. A very solitary person. And I don't want to. I don't like bothering people.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. You know, interrupt people's schedules.

[Cousin Sal]

Yeah. And you've got to keep. Keep seducing and kind of not. Maybe not lying to people, but you've got to keep everyone's enthusiasm going.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, no, I. I know.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that's Adam Carollo Show 1482. Coming next we have Adam Carollo Show 1728, Cousin Sal, Gina Grad, Brian Bishop. This one's from 2016.

[Gina Grad]

Did you know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv?

[Cousin Sal]

Totally free.

[Gina Grad]

Totally free. They've got CSI New York, ncis, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods Tracker, FBI swat. All for free. There's something suspicious going on here. Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays. And neither do I. Pluto TV Stream now pay. Never could not have done it without all of you making this business possible. Got everyone healthy insurance this year. It's been Good. So thank you. And again, it's all because of you guys now. Oh, good day, Gina, Graham, good day to you. Happy second year to you and Mul. Bryan.

[Brian Bishop]

Happy New Year, everyone.

[Gina Grad]

All right, a little bit of good luck, everyone said. Oh, we want to hear the big Dixon story. How much money you spent out to dinner. And that whole story about Dixon. Dinner. If. Remember James Baby Doll Dixon? Twice a year, he comes into town twice a year, Cousin Sal runs the bill up. That's the big joke. We try to outdo ourselves every year. Well, I realized Cousin Sal's watching football in the warehouse next to ours, and he's here, so I thought, well, he was sober, he was there, and he was doing most of ordering, so why not Cousin Sal from ESPN Sports center making the picks on Thursday night, 10 o'clock. Although I seem to see it earlier than that. I'm not sure why. Also, of course, Jimmy Kimmel Live, weeknights, 11:35. Cousin Sal, what's happening?

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks for having me.

[Gina Grad]

My pleasure. I saw Cousin Sal on Christmas Eve at Jimmy's house. He came by our house with his great kids on New Year's Eve. So it's been a lot of. Cousin Sal.

[Brian Bishop]

I think my great kids are throwing nerfs at your Lamborghinis right now.

[Gina Grad]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm nervous about getting back to the TV viewing.

[Gina Grad]

We'll get you back. I just realized you're on top of this. I mean, you're orchestrating the whole thing with Dixon and the dinner. You're doing most of ordering. Real curveball this year with the truffles. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a wild card. Black or white?

[Gina Grad]

Both.

[Brian Bishop]

Why not both? We got really lucky with that. That was strange.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's total serendipity because everybody can think. All right, you want to run up the tab? So what do you do? Start with expensive bottles of wine? Sure. I think we had some $1,200 bottles of wine. Sal, do you drink wine?

[Brian Bishop]

No, not at all. And they kept bringing it over for me to taste, you know, so the whole process of me shaking it, whatever, you know, shaking.

[Gina Grad]

It's this great dance because the person.

[Brian Bishop]

Should have sent it back after opening the bottle.

[Gina Grad]

The person who's doing the waiting has run into this gold mine of insane white people. It's a white guy. This is what you want. White guy, black Amex. Best color combination on the planet.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the Oreo.

[Gina Grad]

That's the Oreo you want when you're the waiter. Right. So he's got the black Amex. He's got the lily white table, and everyone's ordering. Trying to break the card. Black lungs, too.

[Brian Bishop]

You can.

[Gina Grad]

That's right. He's out smoking, which is another thing, because every time Dixon gets up to go smoke now, it's more ordering, right?

[Brian Bishop]

We huddle around like idiots, but he has to smoke. So it gives us an opportunity. Meet with the waiter, right?

[Gina Grad]

We'll regroup. We'll put the pictures up on AdamCroll.com. you can barely see me. I'm behind Jimmy over there. And then Simmons. I think that's Simmons in the back. The usual suspects. Jimmy was there. Bill was there. Mike August showed up. And every. You know, Mike August wasn't supposed to be there, but there was free food, and when there's free food, he finds his way. Yeah. So he. So we're ordering. And the thing. The truffle thing is, you know, again, the wine, a lot of, you know, we can go with caviar. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So they had these speckled caviar. Speckled potato chips, which is $100 for a dozen. And this drove Adam crazy.

[Gina Grad]

I'm right. Back to my childhood. My mom would bring out a plate of those. Or caviar potato chips. Oh, come on.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam went crazy because for the first. Well, this is a whole different part of the conversation. But for the first 90 minutes of the meal, it was all fish or weird stuff, right? But I didn't care. I just said, bring us everything.

[Gina Grad]

Right? But I had. See, here's how this stuff works. The most expensive stuff is the fishiest, weirdest stuff out there. So they come out and you're like, what is that? It's a cow's udder. What's it. It's filled with squid ink. Would you like a squirt? And you're like, could someone give me a flank steak? Give me a fucking piece of chicken. And it sounds like chicken's not expensive enough. So we're getting, like, live octopus thrown out onto the table. And it's like, it's. But the first nine courses are all what we had octopus.

[Brian Bishop]

It's all nonsense. Yeah. No meat, beef, chicken, nothing.

[Gina Grad]

Did anyone eat it, or was it just disgusting? Oh, yeah, Because Daniel and Jimmy are manatees. Oh, no. I've said it many times. Like, I've traveled the country with these guys, and their whole thing is, they don't want seafood. They want a pier pylon scraped onto their plate. Like, I don't mind a piece of swordfish. It's been cooked over some mesquite. They want fucking mollusks. They want barnacles and shit. They want to eat the wooden leg of a sea captain. That's how. They're not into seafood. They're into weird stuff. You like, if you ever went like Tom Hanks and got trapped on an island with these guys, they beat in fucking paradise because they literally just turn rocks over in tidal pools and go, oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right.

[Gina Grad]

That's how they eat. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

No, you're right. You were right about that. But I think we had different agendas. I wanted to run the bill up to infinity, and you wanted flank steak.

[Gina Grad]

I wanted one piece of cow. So we ran. Eventually a piece of steak came out. It wasn't enough for the table, although we had 15 rounds of potato chips with caviar on them.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, the truffles was. We all had like some kind of pasta dish or something. And this poor waiter's assistant comes out with five, you know, softball sized truffles. Maybe that's too big.

[Gina Grad]

Orange.

[Brian Bishop]

It was an orange.

[Gina Grad]

A little bigger than a baseball truffle. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly. And they're $15 a gram, which I don't know what a gram is when you're shaving that stuff off, but it seemed expensive. And by the end, we're just taking the full truffles and throwing them against the wall and cracking them up in our hands. Throwing them against the wall so that they're unusable. When Baby's screaming at the waiter, he's like, get the fuck out of here with these truffles. Which he probably hadn't heard before the guy.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Normally that language and truffles don't go together. It's more of a ruffles than that language. Imagine Sal the Delight. You know, there's bottles, there's trays coming out that are, you know, 100 bucks a tray or whatever it is. But he gets hold of this thing the size of a Christmas ornament. It's worth $1,300.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I was gonna say $15 a gram. The shavings. I was like holding the jewel that the 130 year old woman at the end of Titanic had. Like, I didn't know what it was worth, but I knew we were gonna put.

[Gina Grad]

So everyone started grabbing the truffles and playing like hot potato with the truffles. And Dixon was like, monkey in the middle. And like, he's yelling, I'm not paying for these truffles. And waiters like, well, what are you gonna do? And what are you gonna do?

[Brian Bishop]

What did not throw him against the wall.

[Gina Grad]

And then he'd order. At a certain point, Dixon. It was this weird thing I had to explain to Lynette at a certain point when our 11th tray of potato chips with. Now here's the funny thing. Dixon has the palate of a nine year old with down syndrome. Like, he wants steak well cooked. Like burnt steak. He wants like a burnt steak, a baked potato with some cigarettes on it. You know, that's like his palate.

[Brian Bishop]

He still gets the Rudy Tooty fresh and fruity. I'm not even trying.

[Gina Grad]

He's the only. He's the only adult male who has $50 million in a bank who goes to McDonald's and orders like desserts, like parfaits and stuff. Like, there's no adult. You don't know anyone who orders desserts at McDonald's. So that's his thing.

[Brian Bishop]

So I didn't know they still had desserts at McDonald's.

[Gina Grad]

Him with the potato chips and the caviar, it's like completely. He'd much rather have a corn dog. What is this? More bullshit.

[Brian Bishop]

He's yelling at the waitress.

[Gina Grad]

So he takes one potato chips that's got the creme fraiche and the caviar on top of it, and he just chucks it against a brick wall. And it just pow. It's just spot welds to it. And I said, that's gonna be there for a long time because nobody's looking for it. I'm loosely basing this on the piece of fruit roll up that I stuck to the ceiling of my stepdad's room with me and my cousin Greg when we were nine. And I checked there in my 40s and it was still there.

[Brian Bishop]

Wristband corpse sticking shit to a Corolla wall.

[Gina Grad]

Ye. This potato chip, I was studying it. Yeah, there's physically a picture of. There's a dot up there. The ceiling is like 13ft high. You can see all the cracks in the plaster. But I stuck a quarter sized piece of fruit roll up to the ceiling of my stepdad's room. And everyone says, your mom and your stepdad, they sleep in separate rooms. Why is that? And I always say, you think I asked, are you fucking us? Because John came in my hair once and I. That's it. You really think I want to know that? I don't even know my fucking mom's maiden name, much less why they sleep in separate rooms. Are you kidding me? Don't worry. Ray will find out. Found out they met in a primal scream therapy encounter group and told me that Ruined my fucking holidays.

[Brian Bishop]

Did he really?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, he's always like, where'd your mom and your stepdad meet? I'm like, I don't know. Don't care, don't want to hear. I don't know. I don't know. He found out. Speaking of primal scream, that wallpaper is pretty unnerving. It's from 19. 1952. Cannons and soldiers. Yeah, yeah. The house was since torn down, but either way, I love the escalation of.

[Brian Bishop]

Money wasting at these. It starts off what you guys order back in the day. Guys who don't drink. Ordering expensive bottles of wine. The Towers for other tables. Ordering for other tables. And now just destroying things.

[Gina Grad]

You guys are animals. Destruction. What was that now? Now, who wasn't David Cross you ran into who was.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it was Sudeik.

[Gina Grad]

Sudeikis. Sudeikis. Jason.

[Brian Bishop]

He had a great line.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you. This one I was not at. It was probably out of town. And you were ordering Seafood Towers, right?

[Brian Bishop]

It's at the Sunset Tower, coincidentally, but.

[Gina Grad]

Two years ago, right, we ordered Seafood.

[Brian Bishop]

Towers and we had three at our table, and it was, like, getting to a point where we couldn't even see each other at the table. There's so many. And Sudeikis walks by. He's like, wow, Even the terrorists knew to stop at Two Towers. Have you not heard that before?

[Gina Grad]

It's nice when comedians are comedians.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, he was waiting for it, right?

[Gina Grad]

So the final bill, and then everyone guesses at the end to what the final amount is.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it a cat and mouse game now? Like, is Dixon trying to subvert the spending or is he just, like, throws hands up, he's like, I got nothing I can do.

[Gina Grad]

There's nothing he can do. But he gets angry when the more chips and understand, we still haven't seen a piece of meat, and it's been an hour. It's been all weird barnacle food. And he can't eat it either.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't worry, Sal got you a side of beef to go.

[Gina Grad]

And he doesn't like. Oh, he's. Sal's bought sweatshirts with the logos of the restaurant gift certificates.

[Brian Bishop]

We ate at a restaurant that was inside a hotel once, and I got robes for everybody. That was nice. Next he's gonna, like, invest in the restaurant, buy shares. Well, that's what they were looking at. Like, windows we could break and stuff. Like, what could go on the tab.

[Gina Grad]

At this point, it's no longer about the food. It's just about wasting shit. Never was. And again, Dixon doesn't eat caviar, and he doesn't really drink wine, so this is all that much more painful for him. And so then we bet everyone puts in 20 bucks, and we decide who's, you know, who gets closest. I want. I was way off this year. I went low because. Because in the past, you guys really gotta think about it. There's seven guys. I think maybe Mike August shows up late, eight guys, and everyone goes, oh, $10,000 or something. But it's really hard to rack up. I've in the past said 5,500, and it's been $3,800. It's hard for a smallish group of people to get to crack the $5,000.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not thinking 1,000 a person. That's. That's insane.

[Gina Grad]

It is insane.

[Brian Bishop]

It's hard, really hard to get up there.

[Gina Grad]

But did you factor in the truffles this year?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, so I sat out because I was doing the ordering. So I sat out of this $20 game because you didn't know how much the wine was or the truffles or anything.

[Gina Grad]

There's a wild card. The truffles. A wild card because Dixon was yelling, I'm not paying for those goddamn truffles. And the waiter was kind of what they do. It's. It's a great. It's the greatest thing in the world. That's like if you had an argument with anybody or money discussion with anybody, and then the person says, I don't want to pay for this, or I will pay for that, or whatever. And you went, that's fine. I'll just go into the back room alone, decide whether you pay for it or not. And then I'll come out, present it to you. They always go like, yeah, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, no, no. And then they go in the next room, and they go, hmm, what's better for us? 30 minutes later, yes, Truffle Bonanza is better for us than. And it was hard to negotiate the truffle. Cause they're worth 12, 1500 bucks a pop. And we had them.

[Brian Bishop]

He had $600 worth of truffles in his hair as he was declaring, I'm.

[Gina Grad]

Not paying for these fucking truffles. So the bill. Now, then the other thing is. Okay, so I'll just tell you what the bill came to.

[Brian Bishop]

Can we guess?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah, go ahead. Okay, Gina, I am going to say 5,200. I'm good.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll go a thousand. Eight people. I'll go a thousand a person. 8,000.

[Gina Grad]

Can we sweeten It.

[Brian Bishop]

What was the most expensive item on the bill?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, Gary's got the bill. I do. Oh, we got a picture.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm holding it back. I don't have the entire bill because.

[Gina Grad]

It is so long it could not fit in a picture. Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

But I have what I assume is 70% of it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you reveal the name of the restaurant?

[Gina Grad]

I believe.

[Brian Bishop]

I think so.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what it is now, was it Republique or was that.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, great. Was it that? That looks about right. No, Gary, I don't have the title of the restaurant. I'm gonna go find the chip that's on the wall. I'm telling you, I'll wait for the one month anniversary and that chip will still be up there.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Most special thing on the menu was a bottle of wine, probably for eighteen hundred dollars. French wine.

[Gina Grad]

It's a truffle baseball game. I'm guessing by far the most expensive.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm guessing that topped out. Well, also, that's not for sale. So they probably charge them whatever it costs them. Like they don't sell truffle.

[Gina Grad]

Right? Right in the shape. But they took the whole thing and threw it at each other.

[Brian Bishop]

I said bottle of wine, 1800. It's my guess. Brian's right on the item, but Gina's very close second. Here's the bill right here. Eleven hundred dollar bottle of wine is the most expensive one on what we can see. People were mad at the table. Jimmy's like, I wish I knew it was eleven hundred dollar bottle wine.

[Gina Grad]

I would have.

[Brian Bishop]

I would have enjoyed it more.

[Gina Grad]

I guess if you combine the black.

[Brian Bishop]

And the white truffles. Gina's right, because that's a grand total of the truffles. Very top. 50 grand.

[Gina Grad]

44 grams.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a lot.

[Gina Grad]

That is insanity.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you undersold the black truffle. That's $17 a gram. That's so stupid.

[Gina Grad]

He got a bargain on that chocolate cake. $7,300.09, side of french fries, $9. That's probably Dixon now at that point, did they go ahead and take the liberty of doing the tip for you so they don't get royally screwed? No, no. That's where the second argument that was.

[Brian Bishop]

About a 40 minute thing.

[Gina Grad]

Don't be uptight. You know. Come on, Dick, I recognize you. Yeah. Oh, there's the healthy la charge.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd never seen that before.

[Gina Grad]

Right there at the bottom, 195 bucks. I don't know what that is. What is this?

[Brian Bishop]

I would have Gotten six of those. If I had not.

[Gina Grad]

What does that mean? I imagine they siphon that money off and it goes to LAUSD so we can fatten the Mexican kids. That's what I'm guessing. This appears to be a surcharge to cover the health care of their workers.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, when he's physically assaulting the assistant waiter.

[Gina Grad]

Could have got a retina torn with that chip flying in the air full of caviar. Yeah. So who tipped? Did baby doll tip? Yeah, he. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Come on. Nobody. I think we ended up at 8,500 bucks.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, 20% would have put it at 87 or something. And we were, we were mad he. We didn't hit 20%. I'm not fucking tipping on $1,200 wine.

[Gina Grad]

By the way. I've said a million times, whether it's the masseuse like Burke Williams or the restaurant. This thing of like our employees, it's something that I don't know why. It's my. Every woman I've ever been with has drank this Kool Aid. I never did. Like, you go to Burke Williams, it's $110 for a 50 minute massage. And then you gotta give them a $25 tip. And then. And your wife will go, that's how they make their money. And I'll go, all right, why don't we take that model into the Home Depot? Just have people walk up and down the. Oh, no, we don't pay our employees. The guy's helping you with the tile. You gotta grease his palm oil, tip him out. But we don't pay him. And we don't take care of healthcare either. What else would you not like to pay? What about the mortgage? What about the building? I mean, the thing that's crazy about this, you pay 8,500 bucks and then you go out in the valley. $6 can't cover that. Can't. Can't count. Oh, are there any. How about ingredients? Certainly there are other expenses that involve your business.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not just truffles.

[Gina Grad]

But it's only the restaurant business where they go, yeah, tip. No, she. No. Well, we pay her. We pay her 71 cents an hour. She has a master's degree from MIT. Anyway, we pay her 70 cents an hour. So you have to pay her and then the. To healthcare. And then the guy parks the car. That's not part. I always love this thing where they go, yeah, no, no, we're not part. They're parking the car for your restaurant. What do you mean you don't talk. You couldn't strike. You couldn't strike a deal.

[Brian Bishop]

And the sign on the valet says ballet parking for whatever restaurant you're inside of.

[Gina Grad]

So the guy who repairs the roof on your restaurant, he's not part of your organization. Should I pay him as well? When he gets up there with his hot mop like, you fucking take the $8,500 and give them a little bit of money. And then pay your workers healthcare. And then again, what other business works this way? I secretly suspect that everything that has to do with food, because of the quiet, unspoken snot rocket in your salad, in your taco salad, they get away with murder. The idea is we have your food. It's in a place you can't see it. Do you really wanna give a. Because we got something you're gonna put in your face, and it's back here. Quietly. Quietly. We'll do what you need to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Cousin Sal, everybody. ESPN Thursday nights making the picks. You can tweet him at Cousin Sal or, sorry, at the Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel Live, of course. Weeknights, ABC, 11:30. All right, cousin, thanks. I'll see you over. I'll see you over there.

[Brian Bishop]

My son was gonna bring his hoverboard to the where warehouse. And then I read all these articles about how the batteries are blowing up. I said, oh, boy, that would be spectacular. Right? I have all those cars.

[Gina Grad]

I have one. One more idea to bounce off your cousin. Speaking of the hoverboard and all the stuff, my kids this year, they get it. They get a ton of shit. And you get the. My daughter got the zipline. My son got the basketball hoop. The kind you put the water in at the base for the weight, you know, it's adjustable. It's full of spring springs. Comes in a box. You open the box, there's 75 separate packets that are clear with all the nuts and bolts and everything. And I'm good at that stuff. But even being good at that stuff, it's tedious. It's three hours to assemble the thing and the daughter. The point is, if you put the zip line aside, the daughter's just. When are we gonna get that zipline? Get that zipline. Get that zipline. And it's taking a cable and putting it across the yard. And Lynette gives me. This one's supposed to be easy to put up, and it's like. It's not. There's nothing easy about stringing a cable that'll support £250 from one side of the yard to the other side of the yard. And then putting this. This trolley on it. Nothing. It can't be easy. It cannot be easy. And Lynette just goes inside and says, and the instructions for everything have to. Now that there's 144 languages just in this country, the things have to just accommodate one dumb language. It's like just one picture. Everything's just a picture of something. And I'm just sitting back there trying to read the thing. And I came up with this idea. And you guys tell me. I realize almost everyone's Christmas Day who has children are, if not ruined, diminished significantly by. Can we put this thing together? Together? Sometimes it's a drone, but you have to plug it in. You have to find the batteries. I get the fucking battery thing that takes the micro Phillips head screwdriver, like the one glasses. Yeah. It's like an optometrist only has this in his arsenal. It's like the miniature. And then you screw it up and you're like, why not just use the universal remote has batteries. And the thing pops off. You depress the one thing, the thing pops up. But this. You got to unscrew the thing. And then Sonny's like. And then there's a lot of question, does the battery come charged? We gotta put the AAAs in the thing. But then what about the battery that goes on the drone? And there's just instructions and boxes and shit everywhere. How about this? And it's ruined. It's ruined. Because you can't just sit there and go, next week we'll do this. Because the kid's chomping at the bit. Natalia's a maniac, as you've seen Sal firsthand. She's insane. She's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Like.

[Gina Grad]

She's like the person that invented the speedball. She's. Because the person who invented the speedball was like, yeah, I've been snorting heroin and snorting coke, and it's okay, but what if we mix the heroin and the coke together and I injected it between my toes?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm a busy guy.

[Gina Grad]

Wouldn't that be better?

[Brian Bishop]

She didn't do that, did she?

[Gina Grad]

Well, what I'm saying is, didn't she? She makes the first three. She makes the first three trips down the zip line, no problemo. But by the fourth, she has to have Sunny hanging onto it, shaking it up and down. She's going down the zip line, hence the speed ball. She's screaming like a heart or something higher. He just bouncing on it. Most people, the zip line is Enough.

[Brian Bishop]

Your own X Games guys going on back there.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Yes. Her pleasure centers will be completely burnt out by the time she gets to college. Good luck with the first boyfriend, by the way. But what's nice is can't feel anything. Steve. I'm sorry. I'm burnt out. My centers are burnt.

[Brian Bishop]

The zip line serves as a clothesline too, though. Now for Lynette to hang up the laundry. The daily laundry.

[Cousin Sal]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

So you.

[Gina Grad]

She was coming home from the river the other day with a fresh load of laundry and was like, oh, you really? Rica. So, and I get this thing where there's this deal where if you can build and I can build anything, people think, oh, well, you just build stuff. And I go, yeah, I can build stuff. They go, so what do you do? Just snap your fingers and the zip lines up and it's like, no, I got to get up and drill holes and shit. Pull wires and stuff. Like, still a pain in the ass. I can physically do it. But anyway, all right, I had the thought. Now there's going to be some discussion here, but I think I got one. And it's going to make sense. The Jews, the Jews use something called the Shabbos goyim to show up on Saturday and turn the toaster on and turn the washing machine on. It's a perfect move, which is, you know, God does not want us to work or have electricity on a Saturday. And then it's like, yeah, but how am I gonna watch college football? Football? I'll get the blonde haired kid from next door, he'll come over, he'll put it on channel seven and he'll make me a smoothie. But God will not see me actually touching the button of the Cuisinart. So we shall be fine. And I'm like, you're treating God like the irs. It's a loophole. That's awesome. But at a certain point, if you're gonna watch TV, but you're just gonna pay the blonde kid to turn the TV on. To turn the TV on. Just to fucking turn the TV on. You're not beating a God on, technically. All right. Shabbos goyim. All right, fine. Jews, you've been using us.

[Brian Bishop]

I know where this is going.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you guys are free on Christmas, as far as I can tell. As far as I can tell. And I know that Jews aren't the handiest people in the world, but they're good readers and they're good at following the instructions. And nine tenths of this thing is just literally reading all the instructions That I don't want to read.

[Brian Bishop]

They read the fucking Torah.

[Gina Grad]

That's right, backwards.

[Brian Bishop]

They can read the upside down instructions in some other language.

[Gina Grad]

You guys love money. You're not making any on this day. Oh no. You come on down to the Corolla house and you start making and being with the. Putting the things together, putting the castles together, reading the instructions, putting the lego shit together, putting the hover things together and all the just get. Again, you don't have to be a master carpenter or anything, just handle a crescent wrench. And it's mainly about reading the instructions and building the.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to explain to the Jew what a basketball hoop is.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, Brian, you know that thing, you.

[Brian Bishop]

Can never touch that thing that's hanging from the rafters.

[Gina Grad]

Well, you need time to digest the Chinese food anyway before the movie. You know that thing your black friend busted his shin up on the other night? Black friend? All right. I call it hebis erectus.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yes.

[Gina Grad]

And he shows up, you know, you wake, you make a time, you know, 10:00am he comes on, comes in. You work out in advance. Look, we got the kid to hover this, we got the kid the basketball thing. You go ahead and email them. Very tech savvy folks. They get it a week earlier. So they start studying how it works. The tools you need, you need a crescent Wrench, you need a 3 millimeter that, an allen tool. They just show up, they got all Saturday at 5 we all knock off and eat Chinese. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a unification kind of meal at the end.

[Gina Grad]

Hebus erectus. Holy shit. You know how fucking happy I would be if some well mannered 19 year old Jewish college student who was handy just showed up my house and went, yeah, Mr. Coral, I already read the. I got your email. We got the hoop you got. I went online, I read the directions on it. I'll just be in the back putting it together.

[Brian Bishop]

You're like, oh, the tools are over. No need, no need. Brought my own.

[Gina Grad]

At least come over at noon after temple. Is there temple on Christmas?

[Brian Bishop]

You're in trouble. They're gonna have to bring their friends.

[Gina Grad]

Friend. After the kidish luncheon. Yeah, I put the, I put the adjustable wrench over here for Elijah. Don't touch it. All right, if it falls on a Saturday, that can come at noon.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll deal with this once every seven years.

[Gina Grad]

Right, right, right. Hebis erectus. It's a fairly foolproof plan for young, young, young college students. Young Jewish college students. All right, cousin Sal, everybody, thanks so much. See you over at the shop.

[Brian Bishop]

See you in a minute.

[Gina Grad]

You guys think I'm kidding?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Gina Grad]

Why do they have a Shabbos goyem? Why do you want to use us?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we know you well enough. You're not kidding.

[Gina Grad]

I would, I would pay for this service in a fucking. You do not realize when you have two 9 year olds, it's a lot of. Put up the zip line, put up the basketball hoop, you know, then there's that. That part too.

[Brian Bishop]

I can imagine.

[Gina Grad]

Does Phil Rosenthal have kids? Maybe you could send them on over. Yeah, they're teenage. Son's a teenager. Yeah, check that out. David Wild's children. Wow. You got a whole stable.

[Brian Bishop]

A bevy.

[Gina Grad]

All right, where were we? Oh, yeah, I got Phil. Speaking of Phil, I got a dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, saw that. Yeah, you got the dog that was gonna be sent out right from the other shop.

[Gina Grad]

It's, it's, it's a.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that what happened?

[Gina Grad]

Well, what happened was, is I had a puppy many years ago, a German shepherd puppy. That was when I was single that drove me insane for about five weeks and then died. Oh, God, don't romanticize it. Yeah, the dog drove me so insane that when he died I was not. I mean, I was sad, but it was almost like, okay, I could get on with my life, please. And then I got Molly Girl. And Molly Girl was one when Molly Girl showed up. And Molly is not only good for one year old, she's good for a lab, but she's good for a person. Yeah, she literally is sweetest, nicest, easiest. And all of a sudden you have this dog that doesn't scratch, doesn't bark at the window, doesn't shit or piss in the house. Like, just want. It's like completely self realized, self autonomous dog that does nothing but eat in the morning, eat in the evening and go outside and take a shit. And by the way, idealized dog. If she got locked in the house for eight hours, she'd hold it until it was time to get outside and. Or one time, like literally got locked in the house all day and went upstairs and like shit on the tile in the bathroom. Like, this is going to be the least intriguing, intrusive place to shit. And I announced at that point, puppy, never again. Never again with the puppies. I want one year olds. And I've said it and I mean it. People are like, oh, come on now. And I'm like, no, the puppy was much more work than my twins. And they're like more work than twins. I was like, yeah. Cause I hired a heavyset Woman of color to be the night nurse of the twins. While I went and did a radio shoot.

[Brian Bishop]

You can strap a diaper to the.

[Gina Grad]

Twins, put a diaper on them, and guess who ain't changing that diaper. They gotta pay somebody. But it wasn't me, right? The dog. Oh, no. Well, after the proclamation of no more puppies, and of course, Natalia right in my face was, she wants a puppy. So, no, we get a dog when they're a year old and they're all coached up and we enjoy them. There's still little. Yeah, I know. Molly.

[Brian Bishop]

A new dog.

[Gina Grad]

Molly was the greatest. Well, smash cut two. Well, let me tell you first. First, I'll put myself in a better mood. Blue apron. Mmm. This stuff is good. Healthy, strong. It's better than it needs to be. That's the. I think that seems to be the common refrain with this. Better, better. Like you go, oh, they didn't have to make it this good. That stuff is great. And even the guy, I'm low falutin. This stuff sounds highfalutin, but it works it all.

[Brian Bishop]

They tread the line between falutin and naan.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Shrimp scampi with the fresh linguine. Three cheesefutin.

[Brian Bishop]

About that.

[Gina Grad]

Three cheese calzones, seared cod, date vinaigrette. Everything is good. Everything's good. And what we do oftentimes is old guy will just like triple down on the recipe because there's a bunch of people in my house. So this is, you know, two people can eat this. Well, we got five people. So she'll just double down on it and make the exact same recipe, pull the cards out, keep the ones you like. It's great. And you don't have to go out and you don't have to spend a bunch of money. It's about 10 bucks a person, and it's about 500 to 700 calories per portion. And it's all great. You make it in under 40 minutes. Go to Blue Apron. Blueapron.com Adam, you can get your first two meals for free. Blueapron.com AdamSAM, I'm telling you, try it. If part of your New Year's reso is to eat a little better, eat a little fresher, eat a little healthier, Blue Apron, this is the way it's coming right to your house. All right, let's see. So what happens? I announce no more puppies. We get the one year olds, and then Rob, who works in the other shop, gets a black lab puppy, which I love. I mean, there's nothing better with the big paws and the big floppy ears and everything. And I say, okay, good for you. But I'm still going to just wait until I get a one year old or I'm going to find it in a. Natalia is pushing and she said.

[Brian Bishop]

She senses you want something, so she goes the other way, right?

[Gina Grad]

And she also never. She's. She'll grind you. She'll just grind you. She's like an Israeli at a Turkish bazaar, my friend. My friend. No, and I'm like saying to her, look, we'll get a one year old lab, my friend. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's not good. No, no, it's not good. Let's move, my friend. Zygote. We get the zygote. We use an instrument. We pull it from the mother system. Okay. All right. Nine months. Give me nine months. No, my friend, my friend. No good. No good. No, no, no, no, no. White lab, newborn. Still. Umbilical cord still wrapped around there. No, no, no. It sounds dangerous, my friend, my friend. I. I can go to one month.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm really set on getting like a semi grown puppy. I mean, I want an adult, but I'm saying juvenile would be, would be ideal, my friend.

[Gina Grad]

10 months.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm really looking more over the year, mark. I mean, 10 months is close, but we're, you know, 12 months plus maybe a year and a half.

[Gina Grad]

No, no, no, my friend, my friend knows it. Listen, my friend. 71 weeks, my friend.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, I'm doing the math real quick.

[Gina Grad]

71, that's good. 71 weeks. Oh, no, four weeks. No, two weeks.

[Brian Bishop]

We're going the wrong direction.

[Gina Grad]

Anyway, that's all she does is haggle, haggle, haggle, grind, grind, grind. And then rat me out when I, when I yell, you know, when I yell at her with my dad voice, you know. Well, and by the way, speaking of that, at the Christmas party, she was singing like a canary. Oh my God. She is quite the raconteur. Yes, she. A lot of great stories coming from that child. Yeah, she loves it. She loves ratting me out. It's her whole. Anyway, it's her thing. It's her thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Very entertaining.

[Gina Grad]

So there's this puppy, and now Rob's landlord wants the puppy out of his place. And the deal is. So now I'm getting this. Now it's a perfect storm. Of course he's got the puppy. The landlord wants the dog out asap. Asap. And then there's a steady diet from Rob of. She's really sorry. He's really good he had one mistake in the house. One mistake, and that's it. But that's it. Just one? One. One crapped in the living room. But that's it. That's it. It's really good. I got him pretty well coached up and stuff. And I'm like, you do, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So now it's like three, four weeks out of Christmas, and I'm basically saying, all right, can you hold the dog? Can you ask your Landlo, can you do something with the dog? It's a long story. Smash cut to Christmas morning, 9am Rob shows up with the dog. Natalia is opening, tearing every present open, going, where's Phil? Where is Phil?

[Brian Bishop]

Has she pre named the dog that she didn't know she was getting pre.

[Gina Grad]

Named the dog Phil. We'll put some pictures of him [e-mail]. where's Phil? And I'm like, well, maybe it's in that box over there. And she's like, phil. And she starts tearing open the box. Where's Phil? Phil. Where's Phil? And then she's like saying something like, you know, Santa wouldn't put a dog in a box. That's too mean, you know, well, maybe send that bag over there, that gift bag over there. Open everything. Where's Phil? Where's Phil? Well, anyway, Rob shows up. I do the thing that. Well, actually, just waking up and getting. I was going to say I do the thing my parents would have never done for me, but actually, just getting out of bed every day, going to work would have been something they would have never done for their family. But there I meet Rob outside. It's like a drug deal going down, but with a dog, you know, like, here's the crane. Here's the dog. Here's the bowl. Here's the kibble. Here's to whatever. And then, of course, Lynette's like, get the bow. Get the bow. And Natalia's like, we're looking around. Well, what. What kind of Christmas is this? Where is Phil? Where's Phil? And there's this hallway that just opens up into the living room. She's just sitting in the living room. And I did something that would never work if I tried a thousand more times. I put the big bow on top of Phil, throw the straps sort of over his shoulders. It's bigger than he is. He goes walking down, wandering down the hall. I get him to just wander, goes into the thing. Natalia just comes running up. Natalia bursts into tears. And it's the greatest thing you've ever seen. In your life. And Phil's just love. Licking. Licking the tears off. Gary, do you have. Did Lynette send you that one? The bow. The bow and the tears and the. Whatever. I don't think. Send her. Send her a tweet or a text or something and see if you can find it. But anyway, hey, it's maybe worth mentioning.

[Brian Bishop]

Why they named it Phil. I had two guesses and was wrong.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, okay. I had one guess. I figured it was Rosenthal.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I thought first. And then I saw someone tweet Philip the Juggler, which kind of warmed my heart.

[Gina Grad]

Would have been nice. My old friend who died. Yes. No. Phil Dunphy from Modern Family. Yeah. Wait, Natalia picked that name? Yeah. You really did get her hooked on that show. Yeah, I did. Yeah. She loves it. And that's who she named him after. That's great. But it's so she. I actually started crying standing in the living room with her. Just. She's such a tough kid, and she just bursts into tears, and the dog was just, like, jumping on her and licking her face and was like, licking away her tears, and it was the greatest. That was at first sight, greatest thing ever.

[Brian Bishop]

She got tender from an hour later.

[Gina Grad]

No, somewhere between 48 and 51 minutes later. And by the way, here's this thing. I have a could this have gone any other way? Approach to life. Like, I'm the guy. Here's all I am. Here's my job, my position, my posture. This is what I do in life. I sit in the passenger seat of life as we go down the road of life. And everyone else seems to be having a good time, listening to the radio, talking, enjoying themselves. And I'm the guy who goes, that's a pretty big pothole coming up. It's way off in the distance, but it's coming up. And everyone goes, huh?

[Brian Bishop]

They're shooshing you.

[Gina Grad]

And. And I go, there's a pothole. It's way up there, but I can see it. And they're like, shut up and turn up the radio. Don't stop believing. And I'm like, I don't like this song. It's not even a good song. We all love this song, so shut up.

[Brian Bishop]

Ladies and gentlemen, get on board.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Speaking of pothole, why don't you shut your pie hole? Why are you bumming it? Why are you harsh in our mouth? And I go, look, the thing is, if we hit this pothole, it's going to bend the rim. It's going. Might. It might pop the tire. We're gonna be off by the side of the road and I don't even know if we have a spare in this car of life. And they go, ah, relax, have a cigarette. Turn it up.

[Brian Bishop]

Just a small town girl.

[Gina Grad]

My favorite part. Yeah. And then at a certain other point, at about a halfway point to the pothole, I go, now look, I'm not saying turn around and go home. I'm just saying let's just veer off the left a little bit. Let's just anything but hit the pothole. I go, we got it. Turn up the journey. That song has made some kind of crazy comeback. Like, like, fuck it. It'd be like if AIDS made a full blown comeback. I mean, it's not ironically. Well, it's not as. It wouldn't be. It's. It's actually worse. But what I'm saying is like, like a new strain that we couldn't fight with AZT or whatever it is. It's back in a big way. I think I blame the Sopranos. I don't know why. You definitely blame. The daughter was singing at karaoke the other night. Like it's all over the radio. It's songs. 31 years old. It was gone. It was dormant. Like your 9 year old knows it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's full saturation.

[Gina Grad]

It was. Don't Stop Believing was completely dormant. 1999 to 2008. Now it's. Oh, it's back.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Like Legos for a while. They're flatlining.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And smoke shops. And now they're all back.

[Gina Grad]

So. And I'm just going to watch the pothole. Watch the pothole. And then now we're coming up on it and I go, all right, coming up on this pothole, we got, we know we got 35 series tires on. They're like rubber bands. They're going to dent the rim. They're going to pop. We'll never make it to Phoenix. Just here. Just fear a little pothole, pothole, pothole.

[Brian Bishop]

You're drowning.

[Gina Grad]

Then it's smash cut to us by the side of the road and someone going, do we have a jack? I don't know. Do you have a jacking? And then I, and then I said the pothole. I was warning everyone about it. Everyone goes, huh? And then everyone looks at me and goes, will you shut up and stop complaining and help us fix this car. And that's, that's essentially my life. So I made, I make the proclamation, no more puppies. I don't want to clean up any shit. And then I could double back. And I say to myself and to anyone who listened, this new house we moved in, I think when we bought it, obviously they were looking to sell it, but they were looking to spruce it up in a hurry. And they put this big, shitty, snap together floating IKEA floor in the house. And what it is, is it's a fair to Midland, lower to Midland, cheap veneered wood floor kind of thing. You know, it looked good in pictures, but when you walked on it, especially. Especially as a guy who's used to the real oak tng with the sand and the stain and stuff, it's a floating floor. So they snap it together, they put it in place, they cut around, and it's like, it's a way to make your house look good for under five grand and do the whole house. And it's not actually wood. No, no. It's like most stuff is just engineered now. It's got maybe, maybe it has a thin veneer of wood at the top. The rest is a bunch of plywood and chemicals and shit like. Like that. And I announced, sort of laughingly, like, the whole house. They did the whole house in this shit. The whole fucking house is done in this shitty, cheap IKEA wooden floor. And I'm laughing because I'm like, shit away, dog. Cause it's literally like just like shitting on a plastic wood floor that I don't even like. So I'm like, shit away. And by the way, the dog seems to be trained anyway, at least according to Rob. Rob. Somewhere between 48 and 51 minutes after the dog came into the house, the dog took a massive. Oh, look at that dog sleeping. The dog took a massive, massive, sloppy dump. Where? Where?

[Brian Bishop]

On your pillow?

[Gina Grad]

On Natalia's white novelty shag carpet that basically 92% of is under her bed. And there's a small 8% corner that hangs out.

[Brian Bishop]

Creeps out.

[Gina Grad]

That creeps out from a small bedroom. And the dog literally went and shat up the corner. Gary. I took a picture of it. The thing that's comical about it's in my phone Max pad. I'll get it. The thing that's comical about it is like, Lynette's like, oh, please don't take a you. And I was like, I have to. I have to. Cause this is. The dog showed up at 9. It's before 10am the dog found a corner of novelty white shag and took a sloppy, huge shit on it. Lynette was down there with the fucking bissell, like, you know, trying to get peanut butter out of Santa's beard kind of thing with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you bleach it? Look, what do you do at that point? Well, burn the house down and leave.

[Gina Grad]

What happened at that point? Line five. This goes along with line five. Remind me, because then I'll get back to my potholes scenario again. Jeanine, we're on line five.

[Brian Bishop]

That's Frank.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, sorry I screwed that up. Oh, line five.

[Brian Bishop]

Line five is the dog question.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry I screwed that up. Yeah, dog credit. Frank. 47, Beverly Hill. Oh, Beverly Hills, Florida. What's going on? Hey, what's going on, man?

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Adam, nice to talk to you.

[Gina Grad]

Good man. Happy New Year, y'all. Yeah, no, I. I announced last night that this dog ruined my holiday. I spent the entire holiday cleaning up. That's all I did.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, all right. Sorry. We're looking. The carpet get any whiter or any shaggy. And that shitty wood floor is the entire house except for that one spot. All right, Anyway. Comical. We're moving on. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Just so happens my wife and I have been arguing for the last.

[Gina Grad]

Gary, take the shit picture down. I'm gonna throw up in my coffee. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

For the last couple days. All of a sudden, she wants a dog, and she's sending me pictures of the dog and she's showing me, isn't this cute? Isn't this great? And I, like, I just don't really want the responsibility of a dog. And I had saw on Facebook a couple days ago that you had gotten a dog. So I'm like, I'm gonna call Adam and see what he thinks.

[Gina Grad]

Well, not. I'll tell you what, not only the dog at Christmas seems like the most awesome plan in the world. It's the worst plan in the world. First. All right, fivefold fold, number one. There are boxes, tinsel, and ornaments and paper everywhere. It's a non stop cat. What's the dog got in its mouth? What's it got in its mouth? It's got the box, it's got the thing. It's walking around with the thing in its mouth. It's trotting around. You're pulling.

[Brian Bishop]

Because the ornaments that hang low off the tree.

[Gina Grad]

Drank the Christmas water, of course. And then shit all over the place. Sure. And this was sloppy. So the point is, like, you're drinking out of the Christmas water tub. You have. You have cardboard chewed up everywhere. There's stuff all over the floor because it's Christmas. Also, for me, it's the only time of the year I'm actually at home in my bathrobe and trying to Enjoy myself. And I'm chasing this dog around, around, and I have hyper vigilance. So it's like everyone else is taken to the room and their iPads, and I'm like, the dog got fed. Right? Yeah. That was an hour ago, right? Why is the dog inside? Dog needs to be outside. Huh? Is the dog inside? Like my hyper vigilance, like, get the dog outside. Dog's gonna be outside. All right. Sorry, Frank. That helped.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, geez. Well, I think my wife's gonna be disappointed.

[Gina Grad]

Well, look, if. Look, the deal is get a one year old dog that is already broken in and not neurotic and, you know, get a mellow one year old dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Frank. Let's ask Adam. Was it worth it? All for that moment when he went. When Natalia saw the dog and the dog elects her tears.

[Gina Grad]

That's a once in a lifetime. It was. That happened in the first 13 seconds. And then the following two weeks, I mean, we. Lynette and I, we had one good date night. We had a, let's go out to dinner. Let's go see Hateful Eight, let's blah, blah, blah. And what are we going to do with the dog? The kids are staying with Ivy, that's cousin Sal's sister, and they're having a fun time over there. And Zoe Bell, by the way, from Hateful Eight, which I really enjoy, is going to be on tomorrow. She's one of the stars of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Is she on tomorrow?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. So we can enjoy that. Came home, we decided what ends up happening is this. The dog takes the huge dump on the side of the carpet, and then I am the guy who goes, let's never let this happen again. Right? Never again. And poor Lynette's with the fucking handheld bissell down on her hands and knees for an hour in that room, and it smelled like fried hell and there. And I'm like, let's not let this happen again. But then the next day goes around, and it's like, all right, the dog's gonna sleep with Natalia. And I'm like, why don't we put, like, a beach towel down or something on that corner? Let's block that corner. And then Lynette's like, well, I got some puppy pads. And there's a lot of this. I feel like there's a lot of this in my life, which is, well, okay, we got to put the puppy pads down. Well, the dog chews the puppy pads. Yeah. But it'll be up on the bed. And then when he gets off the bed, instead of shitting on the carpet. Yeah, but the puppy pads get moved around. Yeah. No, but I'm always like, okay, we don't want the dog of shit on the carpet anymore. Can we agree on that? I'm glad everyone has taken a stand, but can we try to. To not have this happen again? And they said, fine, we'll put the puppy pads down that night before the dog goes in. And then we all went out to dinner, and somehow they decided that my bathroom would be a good place to store the dog. And the dog pulled my bathrobe down off the rack and, like, wiped its ass with it, shoved in the corner, took a shit in there. And then later on the next day.

[Brian Bishop]

He loves you.

[Gina Grad]

The next day I woke up, and there's a nice, fresh shit on the carpet where the dog had shit in the shag. And I said to Lynette and my daughter, I said, what happened to the puppy pads? And they're like, yeah, we don't know. Sometimes the dog eats them and shuts them out. The dog just ate the puppy pad. There's no chewed puppy pad. I don't know. And I'm like, well, Lynette, get the Bissell out. And she's like, yep. And I'm like, that's something I'd like to avoid in the new year, which is I don't want to even watch you cleaning up the shit. You should not want to ever do this again. It should be a shared goal. I swear to God. I think it's part of the mom gene where it's like, ah, dang shit again. Gotta clean it up again. And I'm the guy who does nothing, but I want everyone's face on a coffee mug because I don't want any more weird coffee spittle dried up in the bottle ever again. Like, I do this. I have this thing where it's like, anybody who, as an adult, searches around for their car keys or their sunglasses is a fucking fool that's just wasting their time. You're just wasting your time. Just put something in place. Never again. That's the way it's work. Don't. It's. It's the weird. The weird thing is, is it's the greatest, verbally, probably the greatest thing you could do for somebody. Which is what I'm saying is if I say to my wife, wow, you look great. God bless you. I love you, she probably gets suspicious. I probably shouldn't say that. All right, that's too far. If I said, sweetie, you're doing a great job raising these kids, you're the best. She'd love it. She'd say thank you. If I said, put a beach towel down so you don't have to get the Bissell out for an hour and clean the sloppy shit out of the shag, she'd take that as sort of an attack. But actually, in terms of practicality, in terms of words, it's much better cuz I'm trying to avoid her having to do all this horrible work again. So anyway. Anyway, the no beach towel, no puppy pads, and the dog just shit. And then this again, the weird conversation of where is the pad? I don't know. Is it still at large? No. We figured it out later that when they put the dog in my bathroom, they put the puppy pads there and then they left the puppy pads there, and then the dog shit up the thing. And then I do this one. All right, we're heading toward the pothole of life. And I do the one where it's the third. I make the announcement in the afternoon. Let's get those pads down so that dog doesn't shit up the corner ever again. All right, old man, stop your crowing. We're trying to party over here. And I'm always like, this is even my car. It's not my car. I just don't want you to ruin your rims. Shut up, old man. Hey, worst thing. In and out. I saw a sign that said in and out. We got to get off on physics.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Ch.

[Brian Bishop]

To the songs of repeat.

[Gina Grad]

Right? Yeah. Blue. I do this move where I go, puppy pad down. You don't have to clean up the. Out of the shag. Yeah. Okay. Then. Of course, 11 o'clock that night. No way am I not getting out of that. No, no. No way am I not getting out of my office and going and checking. Going and check. Yeah. Nope. Nope. Nothing. Garbage just sitting there. Then I walk in. Lynette. Yeah? Puppy pads. Put them down.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh.

[Gina Grad]

What? The pads for the dog shit.

[Cousin Sal]

Oh.

[Gina Grad]

Where are those?

[Brian Bishop]

Great question.

[Gina Grad]

Lynette's always texting, so she's always like a little annoyed, like, huh? What do you want the pad? Oh, I don't know. And I'm like, I'm just. Just trying to avoid the third pass with the Bissell on the hands and knees and the fucking vomit bag and the poop. And the poop. That's. That's all. That's just me. Now, have you told us exactly how old the puppy is or was when you got him? Ish. Even we did. I think that that's a Very good question. I think the dog was about 11 weeks. Coming up on 12 weeks or something like that, but way, way too young to know any better. And I think the fourth night or whatever, we did put some newspaper down or the puppy pads. And then the dog shit on the puppy pad. And then I said, wasn't that better? And then I got the Don't Stop Believing. So the dog shit on the pad so we don't have to. Yeah, whatever. Shit on the pads. Relax, old man. Yeah, we heard them. Puppy pads.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, set it before.

[Gina Grad]

Poor Lynette has been cleaning up this. So we went out to see Hateful Eight and we were like, we're going out to dinner where the kids are gone. We're gonna have a margarita. We're gonna see Hateful Eight. We're gonna have a great time. This is gonna be awesome. And we're like, what do we do with the dog? And normally I'd just say, put the dog outside. We got a fenced off yard, bubba. Blah. It has been insanely cold. And where I live, it has actually been frost. SoCal. I'm up in the foothills. It's dropping down in the 30s at night, and it's insanely, insanely cold.

[Brian Bishop]

And El Nino starting soon.

[Gina Grad]

Lynette thinks a coyote's gonna get him or whatever now, by the way, she's cleaned up so much shit. She's like. Now she's like, put the dog outside. I'll put a vulture. Put a lamb chop around his neck. Yeah, turkey vultures. What do turkey vultures eat? They like. Anyway, so. So we're out. We're having a great time. I mean, the kids are gone. We're out at like, Nobu. We're eating sushi. We did this thing that I've never done in my life, which is ordered the exact right amount of sushi.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow.

[Gina Grad]

I never pulled that off.

[Brian Bishop]

Was it by accident?

[Gina Grad]

I said, lynette, you order. And she ordered. And I know, I do know this thing of like, oh, it starts to pile up real fast. And then also, you're going to see a three hour mov after this. You don't want to be smelling like rotting fish while you're sitting in the theater. But also, it's 50 bucks of sushi you're not going to leave behind, you know, Lynette ordered the perfect amount. The chef came by. The chef brought like, oh, it's a little something that our chef whipped up. It was incredible. I love the movie. Everything was good. Did not feel like a three hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Movie by the way.

[Gina Grad]

No. And when we got home and opened the door to the bathroom that the pup was set up, and I said, oh, my God. It's like the end of Hateful Eight. The dog had. Well, I was doing it.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't ruin it for me.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's Tarantino. Things get a little crazy. Think about the end of the. Yeah, that's. The dog had managed to shit on itself and roll in it and roll all over the place and all over its bed and all over its everything. And there's this great moment where Lynette's like, come now. It's this weird thing. So it's like midnight. We roll through the door. Lynette's riding mild margarita buzz. And it's gonna be. It's gonna be great at, what a night. And it's like all of a sudden, come stat. Come through the door. And I'm like, the dog's trying to get out. The dog's covered in shit. Lynette. Lynette. I'm doing this thing with. I'm doing the thing. Take the dog. You put the dog in the shower. You shut the shower do. Then the dog's in the shower. Now we can clean up with the dog and shower. The dog's covered in shit. Lynette's like, he's not going for the shower. He's not going. Get over here. Get over here. I go running over there. It's this great moment. Lynette's holding him by the top of the collar, and she goes, careful, the collar's got shit on it. And I'm like, okay. And she's holding the top of the collar.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't shake.

[Gina Grad]

And I go, okay, okay. And I reach. For some reason, I decide, okay, she's holding the top. She's saying that shit. I reach under the collar to the bottom where his neck is, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna grab the clean part, mash my hand into a huge ball of shit. I mean, it's like, all over my hand. I'm trying to carry the dog out. I'm dragging shit everywhere. The dog's as. I got my hand, like, holding my hand up like it's on fire. And I'm running around the house with it. She's screaming at me. There's shit smeared all over it.

[Brian Bishop]

She's like, you're like Jason Pierre Paul on Fourth of July.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. Trying to hold back the puke. I'm like, why is my hand naturally now? It's like, we gotta get the dog back in the house. And that's like I'm showering with the dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Hose everyone down.

[Gina Grad]

Romantic evening.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like Pulp Fiction. Just hose them down in the yard.

[Gina Grad]

Yep. There's the shit that goes from the backyard to the. To the thing and the thing. And the poor Lynette's in there scrubbing away. And I'm. Ah, all right. Does Sonny give a shit about the dog? Give a shit? No. Sonny. Sonny. Sonny's neither here nor there on Phil. I mean, he likes him. Okay. You want to watch this video? We'll post [e-mail]. it's just. It's just. It's just the puppy walking into the living room in Natalia. I could have gone to the Clippers game, but. It's okay. But you're fine. Big bow. Who's that? And Lynette holding the camera landscape.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Look at us. What were you saying about a cpy? Sonny's just staring at the dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man.

[Gina Grad]

It made me start crying. It really did. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the dog's pawing at her. She's down her knees.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Why are you crying?

[Gina Grad]

Tears of joy. That's pretty sweet. We'll post the video at Facebook. You can go there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the dog exploring the room, sniffing everything.

[Gina Grad]

Look at that tail going.

[Brian Bishop]

Hi, Bill. Oh, he's looking her face.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know what. All right, now, were you there to see the beginning of that or were you fixing yourself a cup of Joe? No, I had to stage the dog. Right. You were ranking. I had to set the dog in the hall and sort of push it forward. And like, they never do what you want them to do, but the bow stayed on and the dog walked forward.

[Brian Bishop]

That was actually pretty perfect.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. I circled around through the kitchen to then come out in the other direction to see what the hell was going on. But, yeah, because the Ty sat on.

[Brian Bishop]

The ground opening a press and her stuff and sort of looking at Lynette, so. Of looking off to the side, and the dog just kind of wanders into.

[Gina Grad]

Frame like a dog, ribbons trailing him.

[Brian Bishop]

It's pretty great.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, it's so. By the way, I've said this a million times, and the dog's been. The dog's the greatest dog in the world. It's been shitting all over the place, but we'll take care of that. Natalia loves it. It's worth it for that moment. But the point is this. To all these shit shitty parents out there. I realize that the difference. Like Brian, we were talking last year, Year you were saying, I don't know if we were rich or we were poor. I had to ask my parents. I did. Yeah, you did. Because when you're eight or nine, all you want to do. All my son wants to do is play catch with a Nerf ball. That's all he wants to do. So is he rich? Is he poor? I don't know. He's got $5 worth of Nerf ball and somebody to throw it back to him. That's about it. That's what he needs. My daughter wants a puppy. My son wants a basketball hoop. And he'll sit out there, that basketball hoop, and it'll be three hours of him just sitting out there shooting around, and she wants a puppy. And, you know, later on you can. You know, if you want to get a little highfalutin, you can get into a swimming pool. But what separates your kids having a happy childhood versus a miserable childhood is like a Nerf football, a dog, and a basketball hoop.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Catch a dad.

[Gina Grad]

I don't. I don't. I don't get it. It's like. It's insane. Like, my dad's such a fucking idiot. He should have put a hoop up for his sake. Yeah, he didn't want to do anything that burned a calorie. But on the other hand, he's got me moping around the house all day if he. If he. My mom or my dad. No dogs. Certainly no swimming pools, but no basketball hoops and no Nerf balls either. If they put a fucking $19, go down to big five and just fucking bolt the thing to a tree. I mean, the thing about kids is it doesn't have to be regulation anything or Plexiglas anything. Just literally. Literally, just fucking nail something up to the side of a garage, and the kid will sit out there all fucking day.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how you should have sold it to your mom or your dad back in the day as a little kid. Like, here, $40 investment, I'll leave you alone forever. Do you know what they would have.

[Gina Grad]

Do you know how many shrimp deveners that is? Like 18 shrimp devehners. Those are form of currency.

[Brian Bishop]

Come back in.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. The idea of just having a dog when you're a kid that you can. That can be your friend that you can take care of. Having basketball hoop, having just the little things. Because kids don't know from. They don't know from the fancy cars. They certainly don't. They're certainly more than happy to eat a Taco Bell every day. Like, it's not if you think about it. You don't really need money. The kids don't physically need money. They need somebody to throw the Nerf ball back to them and. Or somebody with just some initiative to fucking hang a basketball hoop up and then they'll go out and stay busy the whole time. Now, are the kids gonna have responsibilities.

[Brian Bishop]

With the dog trying watch mommy and Daddy rolling?

[Gina Grad]

Shit, yeah. No. Natalia feeds the dog, which is good, but still. This morning, I was the one going, why is the dog inside? The dog ate. And the kids are all spread out. I'm like, put the dog, let the dog eat, then put outside. And the dog does a move where it pisses while it jogs in the house.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's efficient. Yeah, a little dribble.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Molly was a girl, so Molly would just sit down and. Not in the house, but outside the house. You stop in one place, sort of squat it. The Phil's a boy and Phil jogs and pisses. So you find this long, serpentine thing. You're going to have to work it.

[Brian Bishop]

Out for you, too. El Nino. Starting in the next couple days, it's going to be raining a lot. You know, to put the dog outside and everything. That's going to be a challenge.

[Gina Grad]

Snoopy Doghouse. All right, we got the news. I should tell everyone. State of the Union. Lynette, remind me. We gotta catch everyone up. I wasn't thinking about it because there's not that much to say. There'll be plenty of live shows this year, as there always are.

[Brian Bishop]

Agenda item one. Keep kicking ass.

[Gina Grad]

Keep kicking ass. Keep building. Keep growing. Thanks to you guys, I'll be in Westbury, New York, and Peekskill, New York, and Newton, New Jersey. That's coming up January 15th, 16th and 17th. But we'll do live shows. Irvine, Vancouver, Seattle, Port. I got my passport. Yeah, it's fun. Maybe looking to go to Europe this year with the show as well. The royal we or we? We. We. We. We. We. All of us. That'll be good. Also working about halfway into the next documentary, so you can look forward to that. It's really coming out good, so I'm really excited about that. That'll be called the 24 Hour War. That is based somewhat on the book go like hell. A.J. bain. Bame. I think it's Bame with an M. Good guy. Anyway. Wrote Arsenal of Democracy. Really interesting guy. Anyway, it's the Ford versus Ferrari and battle at Le Mans. And it's kind of interesting because it's funny how the zeitgeist works. Like, you go, I want to make a documentary about this story. It was about a year, maybe a year and a half ago. Then all of a sudden, I get these. Dateline Hollywood, they're making a Ferrari biopic. And then I get one. Nick Santoris sends me one the other day. They're making a Lamborghini biopic. It's like, wow, this stuff has been kind of like, I spent the last few years going, these guys are super interesting dudes. These are super interesting stories. And everyone's like. Then you start going down the path, and all of a sudden it's like volcano movies.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what it's like? Dead for years and then resurrection.

[Gina Grad]

But I can imagine those two things help each other. You want to know more? So you check out the other. You check out the other. Yeah. And again, all very interesting stories. And it's all the execution, as I've always said. Mike August gave me one of these. Don't you hate when people do this? It's like during the break, and I said, I love Tarantino movies. I'm into Tarantino movies. Like, I want to see. I loved Inglourious Basterds. I loved Django and all.

[Brian Bishop]

Satisfying, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Jackie Brown, not as much, but I liked it.

[Brian Bishop]

If you consider Jackie Brown the worst of his movies, you're doing pretty well. That's a pretty good movie.

[Gina Grad]

His movies make you think. Afterward, they leave you the feeling of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then Mike did one of these things where he goes, I don't need three hours or a bunch of people locked up in a cabin. And you realize, you come back, you can take any movie and just distill it down to nothing and then go, and now I don't want to see it. And it's all in the execution.

[Brian Bishop]

Absolutely.

[Gina Grad]

So, you know, Ferrari's interesting. Lamborghini again, made tractors. Guy made tractors, and Ferrari threw them out of his office. And they said, I'm gonna make sports cars, but that's an interesting story. But again, they can screw it up. You can take an interesting story and fuck it up, or you can take a non story and turn it into gold.

[Brian Bishop]

Mike August come up with reasons not to see classic movies.

[Gina Grad]

I don't need another princess locked in a tower.

[Brian Bishop]

I was just thinking, Glenn Gary, Glen Ross.

[Gina Grad]

I don't need to see two hours.

[Brian Bishop]

Of guys trying to sell real estate. I guess, you know, it's.

[Gina Grad]

I need to hear about some doctor and his ch. Well, that's all you do with. That's all you do, right? Like that's all he had to do. And I was like, it's Tarantino. Come on. And he was like, n. Not interested. And then I said, well, it's that or Star Wars. He's like, no way. Never seen a Star wars movie. He has with Star wars. And I get it. He has with Star wars what I have with lottery tickets, which is I must keep my streak alive. Never buying a lottery ticket in this godforsaken piece of shit state that tries to fucking legalize retarded gambling.

[Brian Bishop]

What's more post Christmas than dinner with cousin Sal, Adam's agent, baby doll and the entire kibble crew? That is it for today's cruel classics. Hope everybody enjoyed the clips. Until next time, mahalo. And get it.

[Gina Grad]

Did you know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv?

[Cousin Sal]

Totally free.

[Gina Grad]

Totally free. They've got CSI New York, ncis, Criminal Mind Lines, Blue Bloods Tracker, FBI, swat. All for free. There's something suspicious going on here. Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays. And neither do I. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never. Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's free.

[Cousin Sal]

I love free.

[Gina Grad]

And I love Jersey Shore. For me, it's the Godfather.

[Brian Bishop]

SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Cousin Sal]

I am Patrick.

[Gina Grad]

Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, criminal minds. Solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands.

[Adam Carolla]

Of free movies and shows.

[Gina Grad]

Pluto TV Stream, Now Pay Never.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Gina Grad]

Job.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Gina Grad]

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