Paul Scheer + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Paul Scheer + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Original Air Date: January 2, 2026 (featuring classic clips from 2013)
Host: Adam Carolla, with Alison Rosen, Bryan "Bald Bryan" Bishop
Guest: Paul Scheer

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Episode Overview

This Carolla "Classics" episode, curated by superfan Giovanni, revisits two memorable Adam Carolla Show moments from 2013. The first segment is a candid, hilarious "gang episode" with Adam, Alison Rosen, and Bryan Bishop, focusing on Adam’s tales from Jimmy Kimmel’s star-studded wedding in Ojai. The second segment features actor and comedian Paul Scheer, with the crew riffing on bad movies, public scandals, and the absurdities of pop culture. Listeners are treated to Carolla’s signature rants, behind-the-scenes anecdotes, and plenty of sharp, unscripted banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jimmy Kimmel’s Wedding: Hollywood Glitz and Carolla’s Anxiety

[01:03-32:31]

• Wedding Recap in Ojai: Adam describes attending Jimmy Kimmel’s luxurious and exclusive wedding at the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa. The entire resort was reserved for guests, including an impressive celebrity roster (e.g., Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, Ellen DeGeneres, J.J. Abrams, Billy Crudup, and more).

• Celebrity Mingling: Adam humorously recounts run-ins with the Kimmel family and other notable attendees, highlighting the relaxed, communal atmosphere ("People are sort of wandering by… you sit in this bucolic place watching people go by on golf carts or bicycles and go, 'Hey, stop in, have a beer.'" [04:46]).

• Homemade Details: Jimmy and Molly personalized the experience with homemade granola and bath salts for every cabana, signifying Jimmy’s thoughtful nature ([05:56] "Jimmy is the most thoughtful person on the planet. No matter how busy he is, he's always got time for the little minutiae in life.").

• The 'Club Sandwich' Debacle: Adam and Bryan riff on the resort’s "country club sandwich," which they considered a blasphemous, froufrou version of the traditional club sandwich. This leads to a classic Carolla language rant on the importance of culinary accuracy:

  “When I order huevos rancheros, I don't want a fucking breakfast burrito because I've ordered huevos rancheros.” — [07:57] Adam Carolla

• Public Speaking Nerves: Adam reveals his apprehension over making a speech at the star-studded wedding, detailing his overthinking (especially while high), comparisons to Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in the crowd, and ultimately how he landed a heartfelt speech about Kimmel’s ability to bring people together:

  “Everyone here is only here because Jimmy brought us all in together... We're all under a tent, ironically—he brought us under the tent and brought us all together, and now we're all here to enjoy him.” — [26:08-27:00] Adam Carolla

• Afterparty Shenanigans: Stories include drunk karaoke ("The Kid is Hot Tonight" by Loverboy), late-night food trucks, and comic misadventures like eating a communal salad solo ([23:53] "That's for everybody, you asshole.").

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2. Society’s Obsession with Rules and Nostalgia for the Past

[45:05-47:06]

• The 'No' Signs Rant: Adam laments California’s increasingly prohibitive beach policies, referencing onerous ‘no fun allowed’ signage:

  “No fires, no smoking, vehicles permitted, no alcohol, no glass containers, no dogs, no nudity, no kite flying.” — [57:03]

• Culture Commentary: The conversation explores how present-day society piles rule upon rule, compared to the past’s more relaxed attitude, prompting Adam’s appeal:

  “Can we get our beach back?” — [47:02]

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3. Pop Culture & Movie Debates: 'Pacific Rim,' 'Wolverine,' and Movie Logic

Pacific Rim Review & Movie Technology Rants

[50:43-56:52]

• Pacific Rim (2013): Bryan reviews Guillermo del Toro's sci-fi blockbuster.

  • They mock the genre’s trope of "build giant robots to fight monsters" rather than using conventional military tactics:

    "Would it be 'I'll shoot him with this gun?' Or would it be, 'I'm going to build a giant mechanical bear to do battle with this bear'?" – [55:54] Adam Carolla

  • Adam and Bryan critique the film’s logic and question the necessity of advancing technology so rapidly in movie timelines.

• Movie Nostalgia & Structure: Adam reflects on how the best action movies (e.g., Raiders of the Lost Ark, Jaws, Terminator 2) balance plot, character, and spectacle, unlike many recent blockbusters.

Baldywood Review: 'Wolverine' (with Paul Scheer)

[136:52-141:06]

• Wolverine (2013): Bryan and the team critique the film's convoluted plot but praise Hugh Jackman’s physique:

  “Hugh Jackman spends a lot more time without a shirt than he does with a shirt. The woman sitting next to me was having conniption fits when he would flex.” — [137:36] Adam Carolla

  • They discuss the likely use of steroids in Hollywood transformations.

• Bad Movie Logic: Both segments dig into Hollywood's penchant for titles-before-scripts, the absurdities of "identity theft" plots, and Bryan’s favorite “worst scene” (Phoebe Cates’ infamous Christmas story from Gremlins):

  “That scene is so horrifically bad people block it out, like a horrible car accident from their youth.” — [147:00] Bryan Bishop

• Paul Scheer on Bad Movies: Scheer highlights "Old Dogs" as a prime example of script confusion and creative misfires.

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4. Celebrity Scandals & Media Absurdity

Anthony Weiner Scandal & Media Outrage

[152:37-167:24]

• Weiner Sexting Saga: The panel debates whether sexting is disqualifying for public office, with Paul Scheer noting:

  “What's the big deal about sexting and being a mayor?...If you said he slept with a woman, it would be like, ‘Oh, that's bad,’ but sexting is, like, ew, it's gross.” — [154:52] Paul Scheer

• Public Figures, Apologies, & Impulse Control: Adam compares old-school political scandals to modern ones, emphasizing that today, “you have to know you're not going to get away with it.” [156:07]
• PSA Skits: The crew playfully scripts fake public service announcements featuring Weiner and Marion Barry, lampooning political spin.

News Media Blunders & Racial Issues

• Asiana Crash News Fail: The group laughs at a TV station’s gaffe reporting fake, pun-based “Asian” pilot names, then discusses how the boundaries of humor and offense have shifted in the social media age ([77:39–80:49]).
• Racism & the Zimmerman Verdict: The panel reflects on post-verdict public debate, media coverage, and the discomfort around "dialoguing" about race ([63:13–86:51]).

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5. Shifting Youth Culture & Industry Demographics

[71:41-75:26]

• Youth Obsession: Adam rails against media and advertising industries’ fixation with 18–34 year-olds, arguing that those with money (“the old people") are being ignored. He likens plastic surgery and anti-aging to society’s push against “becoming that.”

  “Everything is geared...toward kids. All the different crazy flavors of everything. But it's vodka. But oh, it's cotton candy vodka. What the fuck is that?” — [72:21] Adam Carolla

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Language has meaning." – [07:57] Allison Rosen (on correct sandwich names)
• "If you call an escort service...and they send over a skinny redhead with an A cup, you're not gonna go, 'fantastic, right?'" – [08:58] Bryan Bishop (absurd analogy in club sandwich debate)
• “We do not need to go to the post office. You don’t want to go to the post office. Screw that post office.” – [132:12] Adam Carolla (classic Carolla ad-read energy)
• "Can we get our beach back?” – [47:02] Adam Carolla (yearning for simpler times)
• “Everyone’s a hero. You’re all so good. No answers, no solutions...it’s always, ‘We’re going to have to start a dialogue about it.’” — [85:45] Adam Carolla (on race dialogue platitudes)
• “I want the grape stomp reaction as the next guy has sex with. That’s what you want.” — [160:49] Brian Bishop (riffing on viral memes and sexual dynamics)

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Noteworthy Timestamps & Segments

• [01:03–32:31] — Carolla recounts all the star-filled Kimmel wedding tales and his speech anxiety
• [47:02–50:06] — Rant on rules, beaches, and nostalgia: "Get our beach back"
• [50:43–56:52] — Baldywood reviews "Pacific Rim" and deconstructs blockbuster logic
• [63:13–86:51] — Panel covers George Zimmerman verdict, media response, and racial dialogue
• [136:52–141:06] — Baldywood: Wolverine, Hugh Jackman’s body, and movie logic with Paul Scheer
• [147:00–151:54] — Best/worst movie scenes: "Gremlins" Christmas speech breakdown
• [152:37–167:06] — Debate on political scandals, public apologies, and spousal dynamics
• [171:28–173:48] — Adam and Paul swap stories about celebrity behavior and urban legends

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Tone & Original Spirit

The episode radiates the panel’s trademark irreverence, whip-smart banter, and a blend of nostalgia with sharp cultural critique. The chemistry between Adam, Alison, Bryan, and Paul Scheer delivers plenty of pop culture riffs, personal vulnerability, and observational comedic set-pieces—classic Carolla gold for new and old listeners alike.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and.

[Adam Carolla]

Fan selected clips from all 16 years.

[Brian Bishop]

Of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics.

[Adam Carolla]

You can find the ad free archives exclusively available through podcast one.

[Brian Bishop]

Check it out and sign up and get access to all the old shows. If you want access to the entire.

[Adam Carolla]

Archive ad free of the Adam Carolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, or you just want exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it Out.

[Adam Carolla]

Make sure to check out Adam Carolla's.

[Brian Bishop]

Substack adamcurolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us. Classics.

[Adam Carolla]

Now.

[Brian Bishop]

On to the clips.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming first today we have Adam Carolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Show 1120 coming to us from all.

[Adam Carolla]

The way back in 2013, featuring Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

Rose and Brian Bishop. This is just a fun gang episode.

[Adam Carolla]

No guest. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day. Allison Rosen. Paul Bryan. Hey, man. Sup? Who. Who requested that one?

[Adam Carolla]

That is Admiral Anthony on Twitter. Hashtag top drop if you want to hear yours.

[Brian Bishop]

Just drove in from Ojai, California. Ojai's nestled about 75 miles. Ooh. Ooh. Hi. North of Los Angeles. And I don't really know what it's known for, but there's a. Just a big old golf resort.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's what's a gorgeous, like the Ohio beautiful and expensive ranch or resort or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Just. Just nestled up in the hills. I was up there this weekend too. You were? Yeah. Ojai is actually known as the place where very young people go to retire. Oh, really? Yeah. So they're rich. No. Oh, they go die. Just go grow their own food. I'm just getting metaphor. I have. He'd make a horrible mobster.

[Adam Carolla]

That great ranch in the sky.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe he should. Maybe he shouldn't be around. Maybe something should happen to him.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta retire at a young age.

[Brian Bishop]

The next thing we kill. They're killing guys. I'm just saying maybe he shouldn't be around and something could happen to him. I didn't mean to. What happened to Tony? We killed him.

[Adam Carolla]

I already retired at a young age to a ranch in Ojai.

[Brian Bishop]

I was being literal. Okay. All right. So always confusion with Dawson. So. But that was me. I was. I did. I did do at least 25 minutes yesterday about the club sandwich on the menu. That had nothing to do with. With the club. With a club sandwich.

[Adam Carolla]

It was their version.

[Brian Bishop]

Their version.

[Adam Carolla]

What was on it?

[Brian Bishop]

And. Oh, well, I will. It's in an email if you can get a couple things. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Start at the beginning. I can tell you've got a lot that needs to come out.

[Brian Bishop]

I got a zillion. If you look at my email that Daniel sent me, I told him to take a picture of it and he sent it to me. But to be fair, I looked at it and it said country club sandwich. And I thought, all right, that's not the same as a club sandwich, per se. But people wanted a club sandwich. Everyone thought they were getting a club sandwich. But anyway, yeah, you can. We'll take a look at the ingredients. But the point is this. I was. It's the weirdest thing in the world. I run into Jimmy's mom everywhere all the time. So the whole compound was taken up and there was 700 people there. Some on Molly's side, some, you know, split. I don't know how evenly, but all the families and everyone was at this Ojai compound.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa, do you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I think so. And there was no taking pictures and no this and that. Now, I walked out of my room on Saturday and I turned down the hall. This is sprawling, I mean, multi acre state with cabanas that go into the, I don't know, 900 cabanas. I turn the corner, I literally walk 30ft from my front door, and there's Joan Kimmel. Joan. Every time, boom. Joan Kimmel. I don't know where she's staying. I don't know where I'm staying. It's just Joan Kimmel. So we talk and then we go. We're trying to get some breakfast. So we keep walking and we walk up a little bit further, and I think we see Jimmy's dad first. Then I look up, and Jimmy's just standing alone on his balcony. And then Jimmy's uncle, like, comes up and accosts me. And then Jimmy yells at him, like, leave me alone. And. And then we say, so far. So all we've seen is Kimmel's, but there's 8, 7, 800 people here. And all we've been doing is walking at a random time in the middle of the day. And he comes down and we say, what's the plan? And he's like, I was gonna eat something. And I was like, who are you gonna eat it with? He's like, you guys get in a golf cart and we just go to the. Go to the place that serves the non club club sandwich. And then we sit out there with Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal. And everyone's just. People are sort of wandering by. It's like the greatest weekend ever. Because all it is is you sitting in this bucolic place watching people, you know, go by on golf carts or on bicycles and go, hey, stop in. Have a beer. And they just stop in. And then they just sign for whatever and they just move on. So did they have the resort?

[Adam Carolla]

Did you guys have the resort to yourselves or the other guests?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, we had the resort to ourselves. So that made for late night karaoke and sliders and, you know, just sitting.

[Allison Rosen]

Around counting your money.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Jimmy. And you know Jimmy.

[Adam Carolla]

I lost count again.

[Brian Bishop]

Jimmy and Molly are the best. And Jimmy is the most thoughtful person on planet. Said a million times. Doesn't matter how busy he is, he's always got time for the little minutiae in life. So every. How every cabana had homemade. We were just talking about this homemade granola made by Jimmy. Jimmy made granola.

[Allison Rosen]

We literally were just talking about granola at Irvine. I had to cut out in the middle of the fascinating granola discussion. Sorry, guys.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I walked into Jimmy's sack, and then I got the granola, and. No, he made that. Molly made these bath salts. Kind of a joke. They had a whole basket full of, like, stuff that they made, you know, for everybody. And every stuff, all the stuff was laid out. Would you like to read the ingredients to the club sandwich?

[Allison Rosen]

The country club?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Serrano ham, sliced turkey, baby spinach, market tomatoes, red onion, buffalo mozzarella, extra virgin olive oil, focaccia, smoked paprika, mayonnaise.

[Brian Bishop]

Smoked paprika, mayonnaise.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a club sandwich, but that sounds fucking delicious. I would go for that.

[Brian Bishop]

It does. It does. I had a moment that was transcendent in a career of arguing with Jimmy about everything under the sun. I said to him, this is bullshit. This is our nation coming undone. Oh, yes. They all laughed with the passion fruit. And they all laughed. They turned a blind eye to it. And now I'm drinking tea that doesn't taste anything like tea. And your son is eating a club sandwich that does not resemble a club sandwich. And his son Kevin piped up and he said, I like this sandwich. They got the right to make their own sandwich. So what's up?

[Allison Rosen]

He shit on your point.

[Brian Bishop]

And Jimmy turned around, he said, I'll tell you why. He said, what if you ordered an omelet and just two fried eggs showed up? That's why we have names.

[Allison Rosen]

Language has meaning.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, and what if this got into. I don't think he got this one. I said, well, let me make an aeronautical reference. What if in the world of jet repair, they just had different names for different stuff that they just. They never called? You know, that's. I got my own name for impeller and propeller. I call it twirly thing. Like, you know, many planes that fall out of the sky, we have names. When I order huevos rancheros, I don't want a fucking breakfast burrito because I've ordered huevos rancheros. And. And as I've always said, could it ever possibly be that somebody orders something and then something else shows up and they go, thank Christ. That's what I meant.

[Allison Rosen]

Never, ever, ever.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weak defense, but in their defense, all it says is country club, not club sandwich.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. That's why it doesn't. I wasn't looking at the menu. I was sitting there, and Daniel was saying he wishes he had a club sandwich. And then I said, but that.

[Allison Rosen]

You can. That is their. I mean, that is their version of a club. Those are club sandwich ingredients, but made fancy and a little fucked up.

[Brian Bishop]

Paprika, mayonnaise. So. But here's the thing. If you call an escort service and you're like, I'm in. To bosomy black women, and they send over a skinny redhead with an A cup, you're not gonna go, fantastic, right? You're gonna go, that's not what I ordered. That's not what I wanted. I like. Or I like skinny redheads.

[Allison Rosen]

Or let's say they send over a dude. Same coloring, but a dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Not what I wanted. Thus, I have a preference, and that's why I order these things. All right?

[Allison Rosen]

So anyway, you'd be ordering escorts by coloring, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Did 20 minutes on that, had a great time. Talked to Johnny Knoxville and his wife about booze for a while. And then the rundown of the A list, I said, oh, man. Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, John Krasinski. Howard. Beth Stern, Jennifer Aniston. Talk to her. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia and Kristen Bell. Dex Shepard, J.J. abrams, Adam Scott, Stanley Tucci. I didn't even know he was the tooch Knoxville Billy could drop.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You got to say it fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Crud up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. What do you call.

[Adam Carolla]

That's misspelled. It's Billy Crudup.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I. I didn't. I thought his. I never read his name. I just knew it was a weird last name.

[Allison Rosen]

That's Billy Kudrup, but it's Billy Crudup.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right. All right. Thank you. Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Voice of The. The. The MasterCard priceless commercials. I bet you didn't know that.

[Brian Bishop]

Should have talked to him about that.

[Adam Carolla]

The, you know, priceless, blah, blah. That's his voice.

[Brian Bishop]

I talked to him for an hour last night. Love that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

And you registered for a MasterCard? He didn't even know why.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Nicest guy in the world. This really super nice guy. So everyone was there, and I was sort of dealing with the. Do I say something? Not sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, make a toast?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like, do I ask to say something? See, I live in a world. I was raised by feral raccoons in a dumpster on another planet. So I have no idea what the etiquette is and what the salad fork is and what you should do. There were no cards. There was no coaching. There was no get your elbows off the dinner table. We didn't have. We didn't eat dinner at a dinner table. You know, there was like. I would eat standing up in front of the TV set, my fucking underpants around my ankles.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you use utensils?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. But my sister, as I famously said, everything was bought from a thrift shop. So every mug, the person owned it before you was dead. So it's a nice message to nine year olds. And my sister's drinking cup was an oddly shaped, turn of the century, sort of thick glass, sort of beaker. That was really cool. It was hexagonal. It was made of glass. It was like, you look at it if it was in a shop and got a cute little thing to put flowers in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it graduated?

[Brian Bishop]

I think it may have been graduated. She was drinking out of it. That was her cup for three years. And then somebody came over and educated and pointed out that that was for your urine sample. We're Corollas, you know. So I'm like, should I ask to say something at my best pal's wedding or it's just family. Am I stepping over the line? But then if I don't ask, should I be? How come Adam never asked to say it? Is everyone else saying anything? Can't figure it out, and I don't know what deal is. So I just say to Jimmy, I'd like to say a few words tonight. And he says, yeah, talk to Sal. I don't know what's going on with that cousin Sal. And as it turns out, it was just Molly's sister Kelly spoke. And then cousin Sal and his brother John and his son Kevin were only people speaking. So I was the only sort of non out of the family speaking. So I had this moment, which I think this sort of sums up my life, which is later on, hung out, got high, walked around, had a beer. And at some point when I was high, two hours before the wedding, I thought, I don't know how comfortable I am now. There's a lot of star power in this audience. This is some big time heavy hitters in this audience over here. And what am I gonna say? I know these other people have been working on it for weeks, and I don't work on stuff, but now I'm high and I'm starting to worry about it a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, I have a question, and I'm gonna sound high in the asking of this question. This is the kind of thing that used to go around my head over and over when I used to get high. Was being high making you worried? Or do you think it was making you get in touch with a fear that's usually there that you ignore? Does that even make sense?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. No, completely makes sense. I don't know. But either way, I was picturing Ben Affleck and Matt Damon checking their BlackBerry.

[Adam Carolla]

They look at each other and just.

[Brian Bishop]

Start shaking their heads quietly. And then I was like, oh, man. So I poured myself a glass of Mangria to even out. You know what I mean? Evened it out, get back to level, then went and did the wedding. And that's another name. Gabby Sidibre.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, close. Gabby Sidibe.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Precious.

[Allison Rosen]

You practice that.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Gabriel Sidibe.

[Brian Bishop]

She's great. I don't know her personally. I don't know if you guys know what happened, but Jimmy started out under the big oak tree and helicopters flying above with the paparazzi.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Two of them. Paparazzi flying up above. And we're all just sitting there and everything looks great. It's unbelievable. It's just as good as things get. And there's Jimmy just at the altar, just waiting. And then Here Comes the Bride starts playing. And cabaret in a full bridal gown, sleeveless.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop it.

[Brian Bishop]

Goes right on out. Marches right on out. Jimmy had no idea this was gonna happen. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope she was invited and this wasn't just a gag.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, well, she's invited. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, as a guest. Not just.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, no, look, I sat on a sofa with her last night for an hour, just drunk, talking to her about everything. And she was a big Loveline fan, I think, back in the day. And we just talked and talked and talked. She was really sweet, really nice. So that was surreal. And then it came Time for the wedding. And it was great just seeing all the people that Jimmy had gathered and all the really cool people and the usual suspects and some new people and that kind of stuff. And Molly's family's amazing and she's amazing. And I could every turn I would just think about my family and go, oh my God. Oh my God. I remember when my sister was getting married in my grandmother and grandfather's 1200 square foot home in North Hollywood with one bathroom where he had to walk through the master, the one bedroom to get to the bathroom. That's her, she's held. That's where her wedding was. And I remember when my grandmother announced that this thing was getting pricey, that my new husband, soon to be brother, soon to be brother in law, was making all sorts of demands that were getting way, this thing was spinning way out of control. And then said, literally said when he asked for silverware over plastic utensils. That's where I drew the line. That's where you're drawing a line at a sport smart wedding.

[Adam Carolla]

In the movie version of this wedding. This is the flashback scene that happens when you're looking at a monogrammed fork in your hand.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes, J and M. When, when, when Matt goes on a fucking paquito mas run and he brings me a couple of fucking fish tacos and some rice and beans and we sit down the back here and he listen to me complain. I get up because it comes with a plastic fork. I get up and walk over to the kitchenette and get a real fork and a real knife because it's more enjoyable to scoop food in your mouth with something that was made for that cost over a nickel to accomplish that, that goal, that lofty goal.

[Allison Rosen]

I would want that at a wedding.

[Brian Bishop]

Not at a wedding. Besides, everyone gets a wedding married what, 20, 30 times in a life. You know how much money in silverware it's going to add up to blow.

[Adam Carolla]

It on the first one, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

You can get silverware. We don't have to put it into a fucking tree shredder when we're done. We could use it. We don't have to stab homeless people with it, do we? Like you have forks. You now you have more forks.

[Allison Rosen]

Those are the kind of things you would only ever use once fork.

[Brian Bishop]

It's never gonna come up again.

[Allison Rosen]

Who actually officiated? Who married them?

[Brian Bishop]

Father Bill from his side and old family. Family man. Known him, I've known him for many years. He's Jimmy's priest, Father Bill. And then this other Guy who I wasn't familiar with, who was a real nice guy I spoke to this morning. And so we all get in under this huge tent and there's 700 people in this place now and a great band and everything is just what you'd imagine it being. And there's all the celebrities and all the tables and all the heavy hitters and everything. And so I go up to cousin Sal and I say, how are we going to work this? Are you speaking? And he said, yeah. I said, well, I want to say a few words. And he said, well, yeah, you want to go on first? He went, we'll do our thing. Jimmy did a very funny thing. Jimmy's son Kevin did a very funny thing, which is he prepared something. I think Kevin is 20 now, 19 or 20. Anyway, he prepared something, but it was like, you know, my dad is good. I love my dad. I love Molly, she's my new mommy. Like this really stilted, funny joke. So that was really funny. Cousin Sal did something really funny. Jonathan, his brother, did something really, really funny. And halfway through cousin Sal's thing, he went last. I was like, oh, he's not gonna bring me on. He's in his, he's got his thing worked out. He's in his thing. I can always tell when people, you know, mentioning something to somebody on the way out kind of thing doesn't.

[Allison Rosen]

When you can tell when it doesn't penetrate.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it penetrated at the time. But I could tell halfway into his nerve wracking speech, he wasn't going to remember the end. So at the end he said, thank you, enjoy the evening and raise a toast. And now the band. And I was just sitting there and I thought what I always think good.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it dodged.

[Brian Bishop]

I used to think that way when it would rain when I did construction and they'd go, well, you stay home, go home. And they wouldn't pay you. You just show up at the job site at 8am and they go, don't roll out, it's raining, go home. You wouldn't get paid. And I'd go, good, I'm going home. That's my life. So I just went, good. And then my next thought was, I don't want Sal to. Sal's gonna think about it or Jimmy's gonna tell him or something and he's gonna feel bad. So Sal came over like 20 minutes later. Now I'm just drinking. Like, fuck it. I was gonna stay something next to sober. So I didn't just get out there.

[Adam Carolla]

You'Re in race, canceled mode.

[Brian Bishop]

Race Canceled mode, right? Yeah. So now I'm just boozing up. Fuck it. I'm not doing anything. I'm eating, I'm boozing. And Sal comes over and he goes, oh, man. Hey, man, I'm sorry. I've totally screwed that one up. I forgot. We'll get a microphone. We'll do a thing. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am in full booze and food effect. I'm gonna go chew on Billy Kudrup's ear over there. And I am cool. And so two hours go by, I'm eating and I'm drinking more, and I'm in full fucking party mode. I'm not driving. We're going all night.

[Adam Carolla]

Tire on your head.

[Brian Bishop]

Tire in my head. Full 80s party playing air sacks from the 80s. And all of a sudden, just start sitting there on a chair. And the wedding planner comes up to me and she goes, I understand you want to say something. Oh, no, we're going to. Right after this song. We'll get the. By the way.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm getting butterflies in my stomach and I might throw up.

[Brian Bishop]

I had, like, four beats I wanted to talk about, and the way I do it is I sort of remember. I'm like, all right, first beat, second beat. But the second you tell me, it's off. Beats gone, all gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing gets shaken.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Nothing gets run over, run through, or thought about. It's just, give me another highball, baby. And so she comes by and she goes, I know you want to say something. Right at the end of this song, we're just going to bring the microphone out. And then if you could bring Jimmy and Wally up for their thing, that would be awesome. And I'm like, what's that?

[Allison Rosen]

Are they making speeches as well?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they're making a speech, too, but now I gotta bring them out. And I'm fucked up. And I'm like, I don't know. We don't know. I'm like, you don't have to. They can just. And she's like, well, right after this song, she just walks away.

[Allison Rosen]

My experience of wedding planners is they don't take no for an answer.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they don't. And I wasn't saying no. I was literally, like, laughing with Bill Simmons. And they're all making fun of me because the table, it was all family style. It was all family style. But I went out, I went to the bar or something, and I came back and there was a bowl on my plate, and I just started eating it, and I was just eating it out of the bowl. And it seemed like a huge amount of the giant food that was in there, the giant slime eating it. And everyone's, like, looking at me and laughing at me. And I was talking about it like, what the. What the hell is this? It's tuna, garbanzo bean. There's a lot of shit. And I've taken pieces of cheese from the other plate and I was, like, putting on top there. Everyone's laughing at me. And I'm like, what? And they're like, that's for everybody, you asshole. And I was like, oh, well, it's fucking sitting on my plate. Like, so fucking shoot me. I went to go get a drink and I come back and sitting on. I had a salad. That wasn't for everybody. I didn't know what it was. It was sitting. You guys were making fun of me sitting on my plate.

[Adam Carolla]

The Ms. Aisle is cool, but unusual for a wedding.

[Brian Bishop]

I've never been to a wedding. Yes. And it was such a massive portion. I should have known. Like, wow, man. So I'm just sitting there laughing with everyone and fucked up. And I get to tap on the shoulder and I turn around, she's like, after this song, you can make your speech. Here we go. And she started walking away. And I was like, dear God. All right. Oh, fuck.

[Allison Rosen]

What was that now? Like, were you slurring at this point? Do you slur?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I'm pretty good at being drunk.

[Allison Rosen]

You've had a lot of experience.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, and I was not. I'd tied one on the night before. Got back to the room about 2:30 or whatever, and it was karaoke night. Me and Tony Barbieri sung the Kid Is Hot Tonight. That's lover boy. So I was a little bit hoarse because that song. When you find the Kid Is Hot Tonight, you'll understand.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna drop. What song?

[Brian Bishop]

The Kid Is Hot Tonight by Loverboy. Yeah. Blew the voice out pretty good. And I'm pacing myself, like I would pace myself, you know? But we're going all night and I got a nice buzz going. But I'm not. You know, I'm not staggering around. But now I'm like, shit, what were those beats? What was this stuff I was gonna talk about? And now it's like. And by the way, everyone who went before me was unbelievable. They had pages and pages and Molly's sister was unbelievable. Like, I was just sitting there going, man, I'm a comedian. She's not a comedian. She's knocking it out of the ballpark. Big laughs. But these people have been Working on this for literally months, I could tell that these people are like, I am not mailing this in. This is a big deal.

[Adam Carolla]

The pressure's on, too. When you're speaking at Kimmel and Molly's wedding, not only they're hilarious and comedians, but there's gonna be a lot of people in the biz who work on professional comedy.

[Brian Bishop]

God. So I just. I just went up there, and then I was like, none of his friends. Now I feel like kind of like a catouche. Like, everyone's family, they get to talk, but I'm the one non family member who needs to talk at this wedding, which is not really me. I thought other people would be saying things, but anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You just didn't want to be the only friend who wasn't talking.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So went up and hit a couple of beats about, jimmy is a godfather to my kids, and now he's got the God mom. And basically, if something happened to me and Lynette, this is not going to be a lateral move. This is a nice move up for them. We joked about that for a little while and talked about a few other beats, But I started thinking what I want to talk about with Jimmy, which was I knew everyone was going to kind of focus on him being super generous and super thoughtful and super funny and all that shit. And I was like, nah, that's all stuff that's going to be hit. But what is the thing that's really quintessential Jimmy that is not really going to be hit here tonight? And I stumbled upon what really makes him who he is, and it was a perfect setting for it. Jimmy brings people together. He constantly hooks you up with that guy, and you guys got to get together and you got to get in here, and then we all got to get together and then bring this guy in. It's his whole thing. I said, everyone here is only here because Jimmy brought us all in together, and we didn't. You know, I'm sitting there laughing at the table with Bill Simmons. I didn't know Bill Simmons. Jimmy brought Bill Simmons not to the wedding, but into. Into my life, you know? And so same with just about everybody at my table and every other table. We're all in a tent, ironically, he brought us under the tent and brought us all together, and now we're all here to enjoy him. And then I said, and now he was always worried about getting everyone else basically connected and bringing everyone else in. And now he went out and got himself a beautiful woman. And it was a nice kind of transition. And they enjoyed it. And then I. I brought him up and I went back to the table and threw him up violently.

[Allison Rosen]

Good job.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. It could have gone. Could have gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Daddy, was it the biggest wedding you've ever been to? Cause 700 guests is a lot.

[Brian Bishop]

It was certainly the only one I've ever been to with helicopters and, you know, golf carts everywhere and fake brides and, let's see. Oh, yeah. Samantha Ronson, DJing afterward. Food trucks everywhere. Every room came with a food truck in it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's pretty badass.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Incredible. It was just awesome. And then I got up this morning, late, hungover for the brunch, and Lynette and I are horrible at getting our shit together and getting out of whatever room we're in. And. And at a certain point, she does that move that they do in all good movies where they're trapped in the wilderness, where she just goes, you go without me.

[Adam Carolla]

Save yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

Save yourself. It's usually about noon. If something starts at 10 or 10:30. She does the save yourself speech because I'm sitting there in my shorts watching something on TV I would never watch in a million years, but I'm on minute 90 of something I wouldn't watch, like Clash of the Titans or something. And she gave the save yourself speech.

[Allison Rosen]

Which I think is really saying, I can't do my hair with you sitting here waiting for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? And I walked down. I walked. Walked out of the complex, walked about 20ft one direction, ran into Joan Kimmel, who was on a golf cart and said, get on. And it was so perfect. Jimmy's mom delivering me. And she drove me down to this thing by the. Whatever, you know, by the pool. The koi pool or the. The herb pool. And I walked in, yes. And Jimmy and Molly were the only two people. Everyone had gone. Everyone had gone home. Every single person had gone home. So I had a Bloody Mary, talked to Jimmy. Jimmy said, did you get a piece of bacon for your Bloody Mary? I said, no. I declined the bacon in the Bloody Mary. But, by the way, this is why the terrorists hate us. This is what they picture us doing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go without the bacon.

[Brian Bishop]

And I rarely side with them. But in this particular instance, I think, yes, we've crossed the line. It's a culture. I'm stirring my Bloody Mary with a piece of pit.

[Adam Carolla]

With meat.

[Brian Bishop]

With meat. And then we got into the golf cart, and it was just me, Molly, and Jimmy. And we drove at a funny moment. I don't know what's. I can't tell if People think I'm serious or not. But the staffer was around, the staff was around. And they all had shirts that said, oh, hi, hello. And then today, Sunday, they had shirts that said oh, bye on them. And I said, but we were all just sort of standing around as we were getting in the golf cart. And I said, by the way, Molly, that's a really nice dress. And then one of the staff chicks went, oh, yeah, that's a beautiful dress. I said, don't jump on my compliment. That's my compliment. You understand your barnacle on my SS Compliment. I don't need you clinging on. I don't need you attaching your wagon. Am I compliment team on her majesty's compliment? And Jimmy's laughing like a maniac, but I don't know what she thought of it.

[Allison Rosen]

I think you're an asshole.

[Brian Bishop]

I think somebody douchebag did 10 minutes on her not launching. That's my compliment. You can give her another compliment if you like, or you can wait a sufficient amount of time so you don't just jump on without asking. So that was funny. Jimmy proving he's the greatest guy ever. When we were sitting around all the brunch was everything was still out. I said, well, I guess we should just get going. And they were ready to leave. And I said, all right. I took about a step and a half, and he said, you want to get some food for Lynette? And I went, oh, that's right. That's how Jimmy thinks. So I said, I get her yogurt. I grab yogurt and put it in my pocket. She had to drink it in the car because I didn't get her spoon.

[Allison Rosen]

Chivalrous.

[Brian Bishop]

Her fucking mule. So we got in the golf cart and we just drove it up to. Drove it up to the Denali and off to the honeymoon they went. So it was nice to kind of be the last folks. Folks to see them off. It's a surprise.

[Adam Carolla]

Paparazzi there.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. No, I think Jimmy has it as a surprise for Molly. And there's, you know, there's some elements. There's some layers there. Yeah, so we'll find out. I don't even actually know. I just know sort of parts of it. All right. And what am I doing right now? I'm drinking myself some tonks. T O N X tonks. Coffee. Baby, you a connoisseur. Stuff is unbelievable. They send it to us. We like coffee around here. We need it and we like it. And it's one of those things, by the way. The room with the two and then the two decafs. Two regular, two decafs. Once get up in the morning and I drink the one. I don't drink, you know, one small cup of coffee in the morning. I'll have two, three cups in the morning. And then Lynette's taking forever to get ready, so I go back for the set. But now it's just the two decaf ones. What is the ratio to that? Oh, by the way, when you then go make up the room that night and you see that the two regular are gone and the two decaf, don't just put two regular back. Give me a fucking handful of regular tonks, baby. Love us some tonks. I'm drinking it. That's what it sounds like.

[Allison Rosen]

That sounds like good coffee.

[Brian Bishop]

They source direct from the growers. Thank you. They roast and ship within 24 hours. It's fresh as it can be. Every two weeks, you'll get a new batch of incredible beans roasted to perfection. And if you hit the cafe in the morning, this is actually better and a much cheaper way to go. For just the best, freshest coffee that's out there, you get a free sample only for my listeners. Just go to Tonx.org Adam. It's T O N X.org Adam. Get some for yourself, send it to someone you love, and go sick. All right, that's all the stories I can really remember from this thing. Although more will come to surface, I guess, as the days we're on. And I'll keep you guys posted.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a question and a comment. Did they write their own vows?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I was sitting around with Jimmy day of. I'm pretty late. I don't know about. Oh, shit. That's about, like, two in the afternoon. He was getting married and like, oh, wait a minute. Let's see.

[Allison Rosen]

Friday.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Saturday. Yeah. I was sitting around, I don't know, just a few hours before the wedding, and we were just. I was complaining about iced tea and the sandwiches, telling his son to shut up. I knew how to run the world. And we were talking about the vows. And, yeah, he said. He said, yeah, we were riding our own. And I said, what's the time? He said, 90 seconds. I said, oh, that's good. I said, Really? 90 seconds. I said, yeah, that's so good. I said, the good thing is you both write comedy so you know what it looks like on the page. People don't realize what it is and how it translates. She's a great writer, and it was. I mean, her stuff was Unbelievable.

[Allison Rosen]

She's head writer on that show, right? On his show.

[Brian Bishop]

And his stuff was good too, but her stuff was unbelievable. And so they're both. I mean, how are you going to go wrong? You have two professionals, basically. And not only in Jimmy, you have the top high end, high grade heroin that's not been stepped on. And the syringe, you have the junk and the delivery system which is the veins.

[Adam Carolla]

Baby, is this in your toast? The heroin syringe?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Like you know when you're tying off after you're blown a junkie. So. But there's nothing that Jimmy does better than that kind of thing. Although this time he wasn't roasting someone. You know, there's a little emotion involved in it. Involved Second of West.

[Adam Carolla]

Did Jimmy get emotional?

[Brian Bishop]

I can't. We're gonna have to break. We're gonna have to figure this out. There was a couple of beats and a couple of moments and he is very old fashioned that way. And I think so. But we were sort of sitting in the back and I couldn't exactly tell. But we'll, we'll, we'll. We'll study the tape. I'll get back to you on that. Adam, you're my best pal. And it's been the best part of doing the show. Thanks, Jimmy. That was us tapping our dicks together. That's how we'd end the man show. Yeah. See, I told.

[Adam Carolla]

He gets groundbreaking.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Did we find lover boy, by the way? If you want to hear, you know, picture me drunk, Tony drunk. Now it's a two manner. Let's see. I. He sings well, he does what, what I would call a karaoke faux pas, which is. It's a weird version of the song.

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't that right?

[Brian Bishop]

It's close. Close enough. It's not the original lover boy version. I could find another one, but I don't know how do these versions exist? Because of color car washes. One way they sometimes exist is an artist who owns all the songwriting credits to go through and hire a new band so he doesn't have to pay anybody. By new band. One Asian dude with a Casio. Right, right. And there, that's thus where you get like sung by the original artist. And it's like that doesn't sound. That sounds like Roberta Flack, but that don't sound like the song. And it fucking my hyper vigilance. It annoys. It destroys my. It destroys my world. But the drunken karaoke faux pas is. I'm sitting at a table across from Jill, Jimmy's Sister. And just sitting there getting drunk. Cause we're gonna crash golf cart later on tonight, you know? That's all I got to do. And he does the. This is it. He does the. Tony comes up and says, ace, man, let's go. And I'm like, all right, what do we got? You know? And we walk up to the stage, and this is playing, you know, And I'm like, oh, okay. The kid is hot tonight. And right about this point, he just points at me. You take first part. And I'm like. He. We. We're just. He says. And the thing that's fucked up about karaoke night is the television monitor is always behind you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So you got two choices.

[Allison Rosen]

Turn your fucking back, Jim Morrison. It.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you guys study the back of my sack while I read this verbiage on this big screen over here. They really got to work that one out. Like, that's great. Although, you know what it is now the audience can see me fucking the song up. Because now this is where we both join in. We do a move when he says, roll the way he rocks. The way he rolls.

[Allison Rosen]

How'd you. Oh, how much you guys are in sync?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, yeah. And then this is where the voice. This is where the voice starts to go. It's a cautionary tale. They didn't know they were singing about them. And so we'll keep it wrong. So then what happens is Tony then takes the next part. But Tony knows the song he's singing, and he's kind of warmed into it a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, this is probably his song.

[Brian Bishop]

And the. Well, we've done this song together many and many a man show, rap party. But like I said, the karaoke with the big screen behind you, all it does is clue the audience into you fucking it up. And then you have to. You can't.

[Allison Rosen]

That's really poor planning.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. This is him singing. I had a great. I had a great moment where I said, golf cart guy got me. I. You would do. You would just. You. You don't get rid of it. We'll just bring it down so a little lower. It's growing on you, so I. I can't hear it. I. I did this. You just walk around and guys with golf carts would just pick you up. Where you going, sir? Were you going to need lift somewhere? Not all the way. Yeah. So I said, guy picked me up in the golf cart. So you need a ride? I said, yeah, I'll take a ride. He said, fine. And I said, sorry, my voice bit a little. Little Little shout out, singing karaoke. And I said, what do you. What do you do here? And he said, I'm the. I'm the. I'm. I do. I don't do the golf cart thing. I'm the tech. I. I do. Like, if you got WI fi in your room, that's. That's me, you know? And I said, oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. The karaoke, though, when they put the. The stupid big screen behind you. You behind you. What the. What? What? The worst place in the world to put a big screen. Why they do that? They all do it. But why you're doing karaoke? Turn my back to the audience like I'm Jim Morrison. The early days at the Whiskey. And he goes, yeah, we had a problem with that last second. I do tech. We had a problem with the screen. So I had to roll that one in there temporarily. I was like, oh, great, you're the guy. What are the chances? I just did 10 minutes on how much I hate the guy. But that's screen there. He's driving me in a golf cart for you.

[Allison Rosen]

The chances are high.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, pretty high. Then we ran over Joan Kimmel, so. All right. Anyway, should we take a break? And we got Bollywood and God knows what else, right?

[Allison Rosen]

We have news.

[Brian Bishop]

We got news. We got all sorts of good stuff coming up. Ah, Ultrabook, baby. Intel inspired. Two in one. Ultrabook. It's a tablet, it's a laptop. It is all in one. This looks really, really cool. It is. David Wild brought it in. His kid Alec was going nuts on it. And it only weighs three pounds. It's three times faster on your old computer. It starts in under 7 seconds. Battery lasts almost all day. Has the Intel Smart Connect, and it is just. It's thin, it's beautiful. And the screen is unbelievable. And it starts at 500 bucks. What a time we're living in. So get rid of that old, slow, bulky computer and let's get one Now. Click through the Amazon link and search Intel Ultrabook. All right, let's take a break. We're going to come back with news in Baldiwood next. Adam Carolly, you fantastic evil genius. This is Ian at Oakland International Airport, and it appears some woman's dog did fight somebody on the plane. So now they're speaking with two detectives, Sheriff and somebody that works here. And I'm sure somebody won't be fine with that pooch anymore. Thank God. Try eVoice. Free for 30 days. Go to evoice.com and use the promo code Adam or click the evoice [e-mail] I we live in a society that's one huge rule on top of a code on top of another rule. And then you go to the airport and that's a thousand rules. Except for the paparazzi guy who has gotten a flight manifest. Found out that Jennifer Aniston was landing. By the way, it's Mafia esque. I know a guy who works for Lufthansa and I'm gonna make the heist. He knows a guy who tips me off when. Blah, blah, blah. And then you get to go just fucking sit around the airport. That guy and dogs, those are the only. No rules for the fat guy who has no business at the airport and his dog he could bring. That guy should start bringing his dog, right?

[Allison Rosen]

He said, yeah, consolidate. Maybe he does bring his dog. Maybe his dog is his photo assistant.

[Brian Bishop]

Dogs defecate places, sometimes randomly. They urinate places, they shed, they have dander. People are allergic to them. And occasionally they bite people. You cannot bring one on a beach. If you live in California and in la, you cannot bring your fucking dog on a beach. Beach is the only place you should be able to bring a dog. It's an endless fucking pile of sand.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a big litter box.

[Adam Carolla]

Beer commercials are ruining the image of LA for everyone else because everyone thinks we're drinking beer on the beach, walking our dogs, bonfires. None of that happens. None of that is allowed.

[Allison Rosen]

Should be a realistic beer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're just sitting around staring at it.

[Brian Bishop]

I did one of my favorite tweet things and Gary might be able to find it, but somebody just sent me a picture of the. I'm entering the beach in California. Here's the. No sign. No dog, no fireworks, no beer.

[Adam Carolla]

No ball throwing. No.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. By the way, couple of things. Owners of said beach. Who made you the fucking king of the beach? Who owns this fucking beach? I would argue the good citizens of California who pay taxes own the beach, not you. What. What is your shit with, like, know this, know that, no. Hey, hey. Fucking maker of the rules on the beach has come down from Mount Kiliwacky over there. How about we have a fucking discussion? We would like. I think most people would like to have a beer on the beach. I think that's part of the experience for a lot of people. I think a lot of people like throw their. A tennis ball to their dog to go into the ocean. I think a lot of people like to smoke a cigarette or have a bonfire or barbecue something. It is a non. It's not four things you can't do. It's 12 things you can't do. And.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, what's left? Just going there and maybe swimming sort of. And lying around.

[Adam Carolla]

You can dig.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. But can we get our beach back? Many.

[Allison Rosen]

This is the plot of Back to the beach, one of my favorite bad movies.

[Brian Bishop]

60 something years ago, some good Americans stormed a beach.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

And not so you could create this bureaucratic shithole that we now call a society. Thank you. The fuck we talking about?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, I have a question. As someone who's very pale and doesn't enjoy the outdoors, what percentage of times that you go to the beach do you have fun at the beach?

[Brian Bishop]

I now have fun because my kids will have fun at the beach is basically how I do it. And, Gary, you can do that. We'll see if we can find that. Throw it up there for you. All right. By the way, I don't know what movie I watched almost silently for over an hour today while Lynette was getting ready before I had to go on, but it was like one of those, you know, Olympus, son of Zeus kind of bullshit things where everyone's got a beard and everything is big, timed CGI'd. And people have magical powers, but they fight in their underpants. You know, like, they wear like a shammy. They wear like a loincloth and stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, their clothes get in the way of their powers.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but there's some kind of weird God. Then people turn to st&ash and Liam Neeson has a huge beard. And it's like, who the fuck watches this shit?

[Allison Rosen]

All those movies could have been made last year or 15 years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? And at a certain point in trips in between, you know, the bathroom and the room I was in, like, Lynette just walked in and looked at TV and then turned around and went, what the fuck is this? I went, I don't know what the fuck this is. What? Guys are fighting Cyclopses. They're giant. And then who are these fucking movies made for?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, good question.

[Brian Bishop]

They're not clumsily made. It's just bunch of dudes and beards going, father of Zeus, the lord of the lightning, I'll turn your. And it's like, what the. Why you're stabbing someone with a trident. It's like, but you have magical powers, but you fight with fucking. You fight with a sprinkler key in your fucking leather underpants, but then you can summon the clouds. Like, I. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

The movies they make sequel to are really baffling. Because they made Clash of the Titans, then they made Wrath of the Titans. And when that came out, you're like, did Clash the Titans do so well that they're making a sequel a year and a half later?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

He was in both.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. And so this one with Liam Neeson in the beard is one of the Titans.

[Adam Carolla]

He was in of the Titans. We were watching something of the Titans.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything is ruins, by the way. I don't think everything was ruins back then. That was a model. It was modern architecture.

[Allison Rosen]

You're right.

[Brian Bishop]

Those cutting edge shit.

[Allison Rosen]

And then they're like, why are they putting up all these new shit boxes?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but they're always there fighting. And then some. Some monster comes out of the ground and then the little guy slays him with this fucking slingshot or sword. I never understand that shit. I. There's not a chick on the planet who understands that movie or that shit. That genre, Right? No, I mean that the ultimate drag your honey to a movie is that kind of movie, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. More than an action movie even, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Way more. All right, where the hell were we? Ah, Bollywood. Hooray for Baldywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for Donaldywood.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Transformers 2, I saw another movie about fighting robots, Pacific Rim, out in theaters this weekend. It is directed by Guillermo del Toro. He did Pan's Labyrinth. You guys ever see Pan's Labyrinth?

[Brian Bishop]

I hear it's amazing here.

[Allison Rosen]

It's amazing and really disturbing.

[Adam Carolla]

There are some. Natalia might be disturbed by it. Sonny would definitely be disturbed by it.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

It's sort of in that tweener between the two.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll get it tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Very good movie, though. I recommend it. This one stars Pacific Rim stars. A lot of actors I wouldn't consider household names. Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, who was in the Wire. Rinko Kikuchi.

[Brian Bishop]

How about this young kid? Billy Kudrup?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think he's in it. Charlie Day from It's Always Sunny's in this. Earth is invaded by giant monsters from the ocean. They come up through a portal in the ocean, a fissure in the earth's crust. And to defeat them, we invented giant robots that can be. That are controlled by two pilots.

[Brian Bishop]

But I always say, why don't we just shoot them with our Apache helicopters?

[Adam Carolla]

We Tried that with the we in the movie. They tried that with the first. That's how they defeated the very first one who attacked San Francisco. But it used up so much resources, like they used up half the military. They're like, we got to do something else because this is. If this happens again, we're screwed.

[Allison Rosen]

And what they have to do is invent giant robots.

[Adam Carolla]

That's okay. So this movie starts, the story starts.

[Brian Bishop]

This is why no movie would ever get made. If I sat around, I'd be like, using more time and energy than building two giant robots to fight them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this movie's timeline starts now, like 2013, because the action takes place in like 2020, the 2020s, which. A problem with the movie is this. The. The technology is so wildly advanced. There's not a lot of genes. So wildly advanced. Like, in order for the two pilots to control the robot, they have to have like a mental, like the mind meld, like technology. They have to meld their minds. And it's like, this is available in 2014. I'm very excited for the future.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I've said it then it once. In 1961, it took how long to get from LA to New York in a jet airplane? 5 hours and 52 minutes. In 2013, how long does it take to get to New York from LAX? 5 hours and 57 minutes, give or take. Whatever the wind, whichever way the wind is blowing, it's exactly the one thing. Even transportation, the one thing that they always focused on, teleportation or whatever it was bullet trains, planes that went up into the stratosphere and traveled thousands of. Even the one fucking thing which was transportation. Flying cars. They fucked that one up royally. Exact same fucking airplane. I mean, except for there's a dog on it and there's no cigarette. And the chicks fat. Who's giving you other than that? Yeah, they fucked up the inside of the airplane, but the outside's the same. It's a fucking jet engine. It's a bunch of sheet metal. It's exactly the fucking thing.

[Adam Carolla]

So why not set this movie 100 years in the future? You lose nothing. Story wise, one of my big pet peeves when it comes to movie reviews is when I hear someone say, oh, it looked great, but it didn't have a brain. I just think that's kind of a cliched thing to say. I don't like it. But in this case, that being said, it was a technological masterpiece. I mean, it looks amazing. It's a CGI work of art. It really, really Looks great. It should be. If you're gonna see it, see it on the big screen. Don't waste your time at home.

[Allison Rosen]

So the monsters coming out of the ocean, that's. They do that well.

[Brian Bishop]

They do it great.

[Adam Carolla]

And the robots fighting them, it looks fantastic. Plot and the characters are just stupid.

[Brian Bishop]

Are there a whole bunch of robots?

[Adam Carolla]

There is in the movie, yes. You really got to know about five of the big robots.

[Brian Bishop]

The two robots that we command have to go kick the ass of all the robots.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not Rob. The monsters. The monsters dimension. The robots we built. Yeah. There. That's why it's getting so desperate. That's why this is like the zero hour. Because we're running out of robots. They're getting destroyed by these giant monsters again.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like we just shoot things. Shooting, by the way, not going to go out of style anytime soon because someone invented gunpowder and a musket ball a while back and we basically been taking that concept of stuff this hard thing inside of this barrel and then have this ignite and then blast it out and kill enemy. And now we've worked into spent uranium and Gatling guns. But we'll just. It's the same path. It just keeps. You don't think we're going to go.

[Allison Rosen]

In a wild robot direction?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, their hides are very thick, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

I just don't think that's going to. We have bunker busters. We have bombs that'll go down into the desert eight stories through three foot layers of concrete and then ignite at the bottom where Saddam Hussein is hiding. That's. We have those bombs. I don't know why a bunker buster would not penetrate the shell of a giant turtle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What do these monsters look like?

[Adam Carolla]

They are sort of Godzilla esque, kind of Jurassic park esque. They're creative. They look good. You know, one has like, you know, a big. Whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they have. Did they have a force field around them? Because couldn't we shoot them in the eye?

[Adam Carolla]

Most things, they move fast. For a giant master, this would be a movie you and Bill Simmons have gone nuts at because there are so many. Just. Just go with it, man.

[Brian Bishop]

What I'm saying is if somebody look great, if somebody gave you. Someone gave you a 9 millimeter pistol and you were like out in safari or you're just. You're out in the wilderness and all of a sudden a Kodiak bear started coming at you or something. Would it be, I'll shoot him with this gun? Or would it be I'm going to build a giant Mechanical bear to do battle with this bear, I feel you just, like, shoot him, right?

[Adam Carolla]

SQL alert.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So people might say, you know, what's the big deal is, you know, plot and characters. I just want to see some cool shit. I think the best action movies, your Ritters of the Lost Ark, your Jaws, the ones history will be very kind. Terminator 2 have great stories and great plot and great characters. I don't think this will be joining the ranks of those kinds of movies. Looks fantastic. I would not be surprised if it was up for some Oscars for special effects, in which case, go see it if you want to be just, you know, visually impressed.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Better movie, by the way, Pan's Labyrinth. You can stream it right now on Amazon. You can rent it, click through, of course. But nominated for three Oscars in 2006, great movie. I recommend that one very, very much.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Outro, Outro. Hooray for Bowdy War. Oh, yeah, here's the beach. It's not the one I was looking for, but it'll work. No fires, no smoking vehicles permitted. No alcohol, no glass containers, no dogs, no nudity, no kite flying.

[Adam Carolla]

No kite flying.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck. I know this is Grandpa Carolla saying, just fucking flapping his lips into the mic once again, but this is a sign that started off with, first off, this sign didn't exist. And then it did exist, and it said no fireworks. And then there was probably something that said, except on the 4th of July and the day before and the day after, something like that. And each year we add something new to the sign so that our kids can enjoy a world where they're going to have to go through sunscreen sniffing dogs in order to get access to the beach. There'll be okay, Pops, Corolla. There will be some sort of device that they have to pass through, like at the airport, where they'll put their fucking hands up. That checks for proper sunscreen coverage before they're allowed to take their T shirt off and run around in the fucking sand. This is the future. This is where we're going. The question is, is, do you like that direction or do you not? I don't like that direction. I understand that occasionally someone is going to leave a beer bottle behind and you're going to step on it. That is part of life. I would argue that you could put some more receptacles and trash cans around and that sort of thing, but having a beer, having a smoke, a kite, fucking barbecue. The beach, your dog, for fuck's sake. Dogs on a plane, not On a beach. Really? I would love to find all the guys circa the Mad Men era and try to explain to them how our new vision, our new society. So fucking awesome. And now everyone's just gonna bring their help dog to the beach. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about this. The carpetone baby with the dog would not be allowed.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Powerful. Powerful.

[Allison Rosen]

Insightful.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. That's powerful.

[Allison Rosen]

I have some insight about monsters is what I was thinking when we were looking at the picture. The monster from Pacific Rim. It's interesting the way movie monsters are all kind of of the same ilk in terms of skin texture, color. Like, what does that speak to that we're all afraid of.

[Brian Bishop]

It's always reptilian. Yeah, it's always reptilian. And it's never cuddly. It's always a lot of jagged edges and never good posture. Posture's always bad. Always rolled at the shoulders, you know? But yeah, they all kind of are laid out the same.

[Allison Rosen]

They're sort of kind of dinosaur.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Yeah. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

God damn. That was a good looking movie, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's. Let's do. Let's do some news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip.

[Allison Rosen]

So, Adam, while you were talking about a club sandwich, the verdict came back in the George Zimmerman. Yeah, I was surprised that it came out on Saturday.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know they did that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I didn't realize.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think they wanted to do.

[Allison Rosen]

That for like, they were sequestered, so I think that they wanted to do. They wanted to just. When they reached a verdict, it was going to be announced. That's what I think. And not guilty.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't think they had enough evidence to convict him. And, you know, it's all sad, but that's the case. It never. I mean, I'm basing this on Mark Gargos mainly, but every lawyer I talked to just said they just weren't doing enough to get what they were trying to get. Was it second degree murder?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. At the last minute, they introduced some potential lesser charges.

[Brian Bishop]

How is it, by the way? It's still the jury of your peers and it's five chicks.

[Allison Rosen]

Six.

[Brian Bishop]

Six. Sorry, Six chicks.

[Allison Rosen]

But still. Yeah, Six chicks who had never heard of the George Zimmerman Trayvon Martin situation.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is weird. Except for the knock, knock joke. It's six chicks. But could there ever. There'd never be here's what I'm saying. Ah, there's no such thing as a woman on trial with six dudes, jurors. Right. Like that would never happen. Could that ever happen?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think that would ever happen. But I wonder what would happen if it did. Like if the Arius trial, if the Aries jury had been all men, it'd.

[Brian Bishop]

Be, I don't know, but it would never happen. It's weird that there's six chicks, but. All right, anyway, so there have been riots or anything. What do I miss?

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, I mean LA was on full tactical alert, but there have been protests, but they've been peaceful.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like we're always on full tactical here.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I mean maybe other cities were too.

[Brian Bishop]

I know that LA was, I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Know it was just la.

[Brian Bishop]

I think the full tactical alert though is, I think they just say that like I always say, like my, my boss used to do the Teflon treating on the carpet. Like I think they just go, just tell everyone.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

And then they'd say to all the guys in force, what do you do differently? It's like nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You know, I expected this verdict from what Garagos was saying and just because I think that the instructions that the jury is givelike legally, I think this probably was the correct decision. And it's what I was expecting. And yet when I found out, I felt so sad and so upset in a way that I wasn't expecting.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you should, cuz I was watching a little CNN today and I learned that even though we don't think it, we're all racist, basically. The commentary was basically explaining that you may not think you're racist, but don't.

[Allison Rosen]

Be, don't be patting yourself on the back just yet.

[Brian Bishop]

You really are.

[Adam Carolla]

That's insightful.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was very insightful.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So you know, I stood in the mirror for like 40 minutes. Really?

[Allison Rosen]

So you're starting with that man?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

[Adam Carolla]

What happens to the knock knock joke that just becomes a footnote now in history? I mean if it had gone the other way, that would have been judged very differently.

[Allison Rosen]

There was a press conference afterwards where Don west, who's the one who told the knock knock joke, said that he stands by that joke.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, why? First off, nobody should stand by anything that did not work out.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

We do a lot of that. I'll tell my kid and kids, look, you wanna go on a fucking shooting rampage at some point, I will not be standing by you. In the press conference that we at the church. And whatever it is, whatever fuck up you do in life, do not stand by it. You know what I mean? Like, if I got up and did my toast to Jimmy Molly and it was laced with profanity and I was slurring and at some point everybody in the party like came up to me and like, oh man, that was rough. I'm not going. Well, I am standing by that piece of shit. I'm off it as fast as you are. It's a mistake. I was. That was Boo speaking. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Moving on would be an interesting strategy. I'm standing by that piece of shit. To acknowledge the piece of shit but still stand by it.

[Allison Rosen]

That's loyalty.

[Brian Bishop]

How do you stand by a joke that doesn't work?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it was interesting because if someone raised their hand and asked the question, he's like, no, I will not speak about that. But then he did and he said it wasn't in the most direct way, but what he said was the jury needed a moment of disconnect from the prosecution had just said this really impassioned thing. And so he spun it like he was. It was this strategy to sort of shake him up or something. But I don't know, I found him talking about his strategy to be a little distasteful at that time.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, I find funnier anti smoking commercials than that. Knock knock. Like people talking to me through a trach hole in a hospital bed, I find funnier than that joke. But the thing I love so much about it, as we mentioned when it came out, for once, a lawyer's own disclaimer. Cuz now we're covered in disclaimers at the beach. And disclaimer do not attempt and blah blah blah if you suffer bowel irritation. For once, his own disclaimer fucked his product up.

[Adam Carolla]

If he had just come out, the first words he said were knock, knock. It may have played better.

[Allison Rosen]

Listen, it would have.

[Brian Bishop]

You cannot tell a joke.

[Allison Rosen]

He also should have had opener.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Jeff Ross open for him whether. Oh, Jeff was. Jeff was there this weekend too. You can't do a joke on stage or in a court courtroom where you go, if you don't think this joke is funny. Like, you cannot start a joke with a disclaimer no matter what, and then get into it. It's completely, completely gone.

[Allison Rosen]

Is there any joke that could withstand that? Like even a what has two thumbs joke?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah, for me. Who was the last guy to fuck Marilyn Monroe and answer. Thomas Noguchi always gets a big laugh out of Me. He was a coroner for LA for a number of years. Always. Always gets a big. I don't know why that puts a smile on my face. That would work.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But then again, that would be really out of place.

[Adam Carolla]

A bit of a non sequitur.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but that's what good jokes are.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I went through a phase where I enjoyed. What do you call a cross between a penis and a potato? A dictator.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But that's not my favorite anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

This was a phase.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I had a brief love affair with it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's see.

[Allison Rosen]

Zimmerman will get his gun back.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Jesus. Jesus Christ.

[Allison Rosen]

And then also in other sad news, Cory Monteith of Glee was found dead in a hotel room in Vancouver. He was 31. No foul play is suspected. They haven't said.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't want to laugh, but I'm such a. I'm such an idiot that I was just watching CNN and they just said he died in a hotel in Vancouver. And I went, shit, I'm going to Vancouver in two weeks. I went up. Staying at. That wasn't my room, was it? Like, I don't know why we're wired to do that stupid math.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we are not.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, we are. Come on.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I think we are.

[Brian Bishop]

What? Well, I wasn't.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the same reason that when you find out someone famous is from your hometown or went to your whatever, you're like, oh, me, Me too.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. It's not at all that reason.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. All right. I hope I'm not staying in that room. When they do celebrity birthdays on the radio, I hope they mention my name even when it's not my birthday.

[Allison Rosen]

Have they ever.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think that's.

[Allison Rosen]

Have they mentioned it? When it's your birthday, there's a road.

[Brian Bishop]

Trip that's even long enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Not yet.

[Brian Bishop]

Not yet. That's my point. I have no idea where that one comes from. I think I thought it once and now I have to think about it every time. I was. We can figure this one out. But I was Harry Connick Jr. Birthday, 9 11. And I was just listening to some jazz station or something one night, just driving over to like Club Largo or something. It was 911 and a happy birthday shout out to Harry Connick Jr. And then I just pictured him barbecuing and people having fun and hitting a pinata and a fucking veteran neighbor going, what the fuck is up with that guy?

[Allison Rosen]

Just celebrating.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a day to celebrate.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking just some wounded warrior like in the next. The next building over. Just fucking can't. If I could get up, I'd fucking go put a bullet in those guys. What the hell? The kids are having a problem.

[Allison Rosen]

Imagine if you were Middle Eastern and that was. And you lived here and that was your birthday. You could not celebrate in public.

[Brian Bishop]

I like to find out that list. Yeah. Yeah. All right, where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

So Cory Monteith, who perished in the hotel room that you might be staying in, Adam. He had been admitted to rehab at some point this year. So he had substance abuse problems and.

[Brian Bishop]

We'Re just assuming that's what it was. Yes, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, the actual cause of death will come out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And did you know he was going out with Lea Michele from Glee? True Gleeks would know this. Is your wife a Glee?

[Adam Carolla]

I did know this because Christie was devastated by this news. She loves Glee.

[Brian Bishop]

Sarah. Yeah, Sarah, she was one of the string. We'll figure this out. But the last, like, three times or four times I did Leno, I had a chick on as the lead guest who may not have been born when I was doing the man show or was five when I was doing the man show or something like that. Like, it was.

[Allison Rosen]

But you had Emma Stone.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I had her.

[Allison Rosen]

Me and Michelle.

[Brian Bishop]

And there was somebody. We'll figure it out. One of these. Oh, Hunter Hayes. Huh?

[Allison Rosen]

Jessica Simpson.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. The Internet's full of misinformation these days. Yeah. Jessica Simpson was. Yeah, it was like a bunch of chicks who literally 10 years ago, you didn't know who they were. And I just thought, God damn, that's torture. I'm going to go after Morgan. Me. I'm going to go after Morgan Freeman. Do you know what I mean? That's someone who I didn't. Whose name I didn't know two years ago. Sucks. The other thing I always say, too, is they always. The dressing room is always filled with pictures of guests they'd rather have that night. I'm convinced it's absolutely. I'm sitting in Kimmel's in my dressing room, and I'm looking at pictures of Michelle Obama and Matt Damon, and I'm going, I bet they so wish they had them tonight.

[Allison Rosen]

See, as I said the other time this came up, I think that they should really quick tack a photo of you up.

[Brian Bishop]

I've said it. Or just throw one up a fucking Tom Arnold so I can just go, all right, well, at least there's one guy I'm ahead of.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, Regarding age, do you remember? This is actually before my time, but at One point there was a saying, don't trust anyone over 30.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Now I feel like, don't trust anyone under 30.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that because I'm older or because people are maturing later? I think it's the latter.

[Brian Bishop]

Unfortunately, we've steered our society toward nine year olds. And everybody. Every food, as I've always said, all the music, every cultural. All. We're taking every cultural cue from kids. It's all the Disney kids and all the. There's some kind of youth thing where it used to be, you know, like it'd be W.C. fields going, beat it, son. You bother me. You know, just get out of here. You don't talk. Don't pipe up. We've got a separate table for the kids. It's society at a separate table.

[Allison Rosen]

I used to hate being stuck at a kid's table.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that kids table. And now the kids table is. The kids are sitting with the adults. And then they kick the adults out and push them down in the kitchen. And now they're all just sitting in the dining room. I don't get it. I thought kids are supposed to be impulsive and stupid and have bad taste in music and fashion and everything else. Why they still do. Everything is geared. Every commercial, all the music, everything is just geared toward kids. All the different crazy flavors of everything. But it's vodka. But it's a foul. Oh, it's cotton candy vodka. What the fuck is that?

[Allison Rosen]

A friend of mine.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do we even need blue cotton candy? Anyone ever think about that? Do we need blue cotton candy?

[Adam Carolla]

Finally, someone's saying it.

[Brian Bishop]

Cotton candy's fucking pink. It's pink. And what's it taste like? I don't know what it tastes like. Tastes like candy.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't need Razzleberry cotton candy.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think the blue tastes different. It's the same flavor.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all spun sugar.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just pink. It's fucking pink. It's cotton candy. Supposed to look like insulation. It's fine. I leave it alone.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a screenwriter friend in Hollywood who told me that a while ago he didn't want people to know how old he was because. And he's successful, but he felt like the town is so oriented towards youth that if they find out that. I think at this point, I think he was like in his 40s. If they find that out that he's not in his late 30s, then they maybe won't trust his vision.

[Brian Bishop]

It's hard to get in a comedy writer's room if you're older and Especially a dude you are considered like grandpa on yesterday's whatever. And they push those guys out and they try to get young, fresh, whatever. And it's like, when's the last time you met a really funny 23 year old or who could really write for a sitcom, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I feel like people really come into their own later at this point.

[Brian Bishop]

Especially when it comes, when it comes to writing. But they always do this one too. I'll tell you what the networks care about the demographic, the demographic, the key demographic. I'll talk to people about like how many viewers does this. Ah, forget about that. The demo, that's. We're number one in the demo. In the demo demo. 18 to 34. 18 to 34, that's the demo. I remember being 22, 19, 27. I didn't have a fucking pot to piss in. That Mercedes commercial's falling on a fucking deaf ears and an empty wallet. I don't know why we've decided once you turn 35, we don't need your money anymore or something. I spend a lot fucking more money now than I did then. And most people should be in a much better position financially at 42 than you were at 19 or 22. So why have we decided that this. We gotta get those 19 year olds and it's like, I understand you want to brand loyalty, whatever it is, but we're fucking old people.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you're right. 19 year olds by and large don't have deep pockets.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what it is? 19 year olds have discretionary income, whereas the 40 something year olds have kids.

[Brian Bishop]

And they think you're gonna build some brand loyalty and you're gonna use this forever. Hey man, heavy thought.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm ready to dig.

[Brian Bishop]

In a way. Plastic surgery is sort of discriminating against elderly people. It's sort of like if you hear about Japanese people trying to make their eyes look round or something, you're like, you don't want to look all plastic surgery, all hair dye, all the multi billion dollar industry is about not looking like that, not becoming that. There is billions and billions of dollars. I just left a spa with rejuvenation cream and moisture and young, you know, whatever for men and women. I never touch anything. I was, I was with my wife today. She's. I walked in the office, I said.

[Paul Scheer]

What are you doing?

[Brian Bishop]

She's spraying shit on says leave in conditioner on. Sunny, you want some? I said, fuck no.

[Allison Rosen]

She said, it's just a waste of.

[Brian Bishop]

My time, it's good stuff. I said, I don't Know, I don't do. I don't do that. I don't do all the fucking scrubs and the soaps and the fucking leave in conditioner and all this bullshit. And she's like, hey, it works. It's good. And then Sonny's like, oh, looking fucking dapper.

[Adam Carolla]

Please tell me he was at least.

[Brian Bishop]

Squirming and saying, no, he was drinking it all in leave in conditioner on a seven year old. And then I said, sonny, you know why you're hot? And he said, because I don't know I'm hot. And I said, that's why Daddy's hot.

[Allison Rosen]

That's really cute.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, what else we got here? What are we talking about? Fuck those kids, our fucking society. You'll get your chance. The good news is, God willing, you'll turn 40 one day. And then you'll get to run shit. Until then, shut the fuck up and take your shit music. Take it with you in your fucking broke city or where the fuck you live, you poor little shits. Tired of you running my shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Now he sounds like Grandpa Carolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Just tired of the fucking music.

[Allison Rosen]

If you saw this local news blunder. A San Francisco news station did a report where they said that they released the names of the four pilots in the Asiana plane crash. This is it.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you hear about this?

[Brian Bishop]

I did. I did. We have new information now also on the plane crash. KTBU has just learned the names of the four pilots who were on board the flight. They are Captain Sum Ting Wong, We Too Low Ho Le Fook, and Bang Ding Ao. The NTSB has confirmed these are the.

[Allison Rosen]

Names of the pilots on board Flight.

[Brian Bishop]

214 when it crashed. We are working to determine exactly what roles each of them played during the landing on Saturday.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not laughing, I'm crying. Here's the apology.

[Brian Bishop]

What happened to the news? Didn't they used to get things sort of remotely right?

[Allison Rosen]

It's been a long time since they had. They said they vetted it. They. They called the ntsb and a summer intern confirmed it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you believe that?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know. But now. Now, Adriana, I keep changing how I say it.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm pretty sure no one knows what that is.

[Allison Rosen]

They are saying they might sue the NTSB and the TV station because this is what they said. The reputation of the four pilots and of the company had been seriously damaged by this report. The company is reviewing, taking legal action against both ktv, UTV and the ntsb. They have bigger problems on their hands.

[Brian Bishop]

I think I want somebody to send me my Harry C Word campaign. By the way, where you page Harry C Word at the airport or the casino or whatever it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Some paging system.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'll take that.

[Allison Rosen]

We have the apology video shortly released after names of pilots involved in the Asiana Airlines crash.

[Brian Bishop]

These names were not accurate despite an.

[Allison Rosen]

NTSB official in Washington confirming them late this morning. We apologize for this error.

[Brian Bishop]

What about the part we have to then come back and say the official wasn't an official? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Was that the same woman who made the mistake? Is that horrible if it made someone else apologize?

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

First off, if I were doing this joke, if this was, you know, crank anchors or something, I would have said, don't do four names. That's. You're pushing it.

[Allison Rosen]

You're pushing like you're gonna realize it around the time of Holy fuck.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right. Too low. Whatever. Whatever it is you do is you do like Chanho park or something like.

[Adam Carolla]

Pick slip in two.

[Brian Bishop]

Good. Two real Korean names, especially ones that sound a little like this. And then we'll put this. So top one, real name, then fake name. Then real name will end with the fake name. You go for four. They're gonna fucking know the second they see that piece of paper. Nope. Excellent.

[Allison Rosen]

They're saying that they might sue because this was a horrible. Like, I heard someone today on the radio saying it's a. This poor excuse for a joke. I'm like, it's kind of funny. But they're saying that it's racist. It's a horrible racist joke. But it's. Look what they're. They're saying these are racist Asian sounding names. And it's like, no, these are puns on what happened.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Tasteless, perhaps.

[Brian Bishop]

But yes, yes. You know, for me, whenever there is a dead body or more.

[Allison Rosen]

And now there's three from the plane crash.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I don't like to fuck around with that. I just feel like there's a dead person. You know, you can have your opinions on it, like Trayvon Martin trial and stuff like that, but you can't just make jokes, make fun when there's a dead person. I've always kind of. I don't know, maybe I sound like a hypocrite. I don't know. But I've always sort of. And I'm not telling you, I've never have. I'm just saying I have a thing where I thought about it and I thought, there's two young girls that are dead. And that then makes it not something you want to fuck around now if everyone got out of the plane and just a plane was destroyed, then it's game on in terms of joking around. Anyone can say anything about it. I don't give a shit. And I wish there wasn't someone getting sued or stomped down every time someone made a joke. That's kind of the point. It's again, the one direction where we've retarded in, although we look at it as advancement, is that speech part. The part where I'm watching Two and a Half Men and it's syndication and it's 6:30 in the evening and they're just making tits and boobs and jizz and like they're just making all kinds of crazy fuck jokes and stuff like that. And it's like that part we've moved on with it. You couldn't say, God damn it, when I first started doing radio and you couldn't say tits and all that kind of stuff that we just pushed right through. You watch old Lucy episodes that sleep in separate beds and stuff. But the part where you make jokes and it has to do with anybody's ethnicity or anybody's height or anybody's sexual proclivities, that part, no, not so much. And that's looked at as progress, I understand, by many people. Just the same way they look at the beach sign as progress. I don't look at it as progress. I like to laugh at the expense of others. All right, let me tell you about progress. Lumosity, baby. Oh, yeah. Work that brain out. That's what I gotta do. I tried to kill my brain this weekend. Tried to take it out.

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta rehab that.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta rehab that brain. Lumosity.com, it's a training program for your brain, man. That's your core. That's the core. The core. You can solve the problems faster, focus longer, sharpen your memory design. Improve your brain's performance through the science of neuroplasticity. That's right. I didn't make that word up. That's a real word. Daily fun. You can do online workouts targeted to meet your goals. You see how you stack up against other people and you're age range and things like that. Start training today. Go to lumosity.com and click on the Start training button and begin for free. Just check it out. Have some fun with it. L u m o s I-T-Y.com tell them you heard it from me. All right, what else we got? Do one more.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, just a little bit more about the. That's okay. So There is now a third girl who has died and it has come out that, remember, they were unsure whether one of the other victims had died in the crash or had been run over while she was run over by a fire truck.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Lawsuit. Another lawsuit. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Actually, there has not been talk of a lawsuit yet from that.

[Brian Bishop]

But somebody. Yeah, somebody's gonna jump on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, as Gerrigo says, you can sue anybody. Anybody can sue anybody for anything. But it would seem like there's some sort of good Samaritan emergency responder kind of. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I'd say getting run over by a truck that is employed by the airport is. There's money there. You're 17. All you have to do is. Our 16 year old daughter thought she was safe. Turns out she wasn't safe from the incompetent. And then they'll find out that one of these guys got busted for DUI seven years ago. Or those guys used to look at pornography on their computer in their firehouse. Instead of. They'll just start doing that. They'll just start chipping away, picking apart. One of the guys has a. Something that expired. A license at something or wasn't licensed to drive this rig. He was licensed to drive it. And they'll figure it out. And then, boom, give us money and then what? They'll set. Boom. They'll settle up. Boom, they will settle up. But you get run over by fire truck. Whether it's on Santa Monica Boulevard, I guess it'd be during the parade or on the tarmac. You're suing, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You mentioned Garagos. So Daniel and I were watching CNN last night. You know, in light of all the Zimmerman stuff, my fiance Daniels and Garagos wasn't on there and my TV felt naked. Yeah, I'm so used to seeing him talking about this.

[Brian Bishop]

I just love all the fucking just stuffed shirts who just sit there pontificating about. We now need to start a dialogue about racism. Oh, you're such a fucking hero. Everyone's a hero. You're all so good. No answers, no solutions, no anything. It's just we're gonna have to start a dialogue about it. And fine, have a dialogue, but in the dialogue, let's work out some ways to remedy this problem. I don't want any more young black kids shot, but I don't want any more young black kids shooting any other young black kids either. So we can talk about this remedy. But the dialogue part, it's just so blowhardy to just go this country needs to have a dialogue about. And it's like. And then they do. You know, just because we have a black president doesn't mean this problem is over. And then everyone just gets to go feel great about themselves and go home.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's blahdy. And it's grandstanding because you're not. You're not starting a dialogue. You're talking about. You're telling people, essentially. You, too start talking.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. No, you. You people don't say anything. Yeah, you're fine. You with the microphone and the camera, there's nothing you need to do. But all of us out there who don't have a camera and a microphone, we're gonna have to start a dialogue.

[Allison Rosen]

But you know what's worse than starting a dialogue? Dialoguing as a word. That is not a.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking.

[Allison Rosen]

Kids, that's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, Kunst. What do you call a cross between a penis and a potato? A dictator.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. I like my. Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Grunts.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's very CRO Magnum. All right, a couple things to get to Caroline's Broadway, baby. Who's doing these shows? I think we're gonna try to get Artie Lange out there. I think we have Dave Attell coming out there. Judah Friedleiner is coming out there. Oh, shit. Was this on my list? Where's Kelly Ripa?

[Allison Rosen]

She was there.

[Adam Carolla]

She didn't make the list.

[Brian Bishop]

I had a long goddamn talk with Kelly Ripa last night.

[Adam Carolla]

You tell her about the New York shows?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Well, I talked to Mike August. I said, mike August said, go talk to Knoxville about booze. We're gonna make some shine. And he said, yeah, all right. And then he.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, August is there. How much food did he put in his pockets?

[Brian Bishop]

I had. I said at the beginning of my speech, you know, excuse everybody who does not know these two names, but this one is for Jimmy. Few hours ago, I didn't say this part. When I was high, I was sitting around in James Baby Doll Dixon's cabana, and at a certain point, there was just the three of us, and Baby Doll was smoking, and Mike August had finished off the sort of decorative, complimentary cupcake that each room came with. Two cupcakes in a beautiful, decorative, clear container. I sized it up and went, I don't need those empty calories this day. Number two, with a cupcake sitting out. Mike had polished off the first one and had started on the second one. When I looked at Baby Doll taking a drag off a Marlboro and I said, this is perfect. This is exactly what I picture the two of you doing when I'm not here. This is. You're doing exactly what I think you should be doing. This is like seeing a beaver build a dam.

[Adam Carolla]

They're in character.

[Brian Bishop]

You're doing exactly what I. And there's a lot of non damn building time in a beaver's life. There's like beaver fucking and beaver sleep and beaver tweeting and tweeting and stuff. But beavers building a dam is what I picture beavers doing. And you guys are both building a fucking dam for me. This is great. It's exactly how to picture.

[Adam Carolla]

I went to the bride and groom.

[Brian Bishop]

I almost fucking threw my shoulder out because I had put. I decided, you know, I gotta get some protein and I'm gonna take it easy on the carbs. And I took a can and I put a whole bunch of raw almonds in it to have in my car. Just when I'm driving around. Handful. Just get a little protein in me. And I was driving around the other day and I was like, oh, shit. Where? It's in the backseat directly behind me in the backseat. I'm doing the reach around, driving. Reach for the nuts. Reach around, drive for the nuts while I'm driving. Grab the fucking can fucking empty. And I'm like, what the. And then I'm like, oh, yeah. On the way home from Irvine, Mike polishes off like, I don't know why he feels. He feels like he can squat your food like he's a homesteader when he can show up and like squat your refrigerator. He could squat. He can just come in as if.

[Allison Rosen]

The policy is like, what's mine is yours.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm in your car. Thus whatever's in this car is going in my fucking mouth. He comes into your. Come into your room. Like, whatever it is. And he starts eating. And I think he's been doing it with baby doll for so fucking long that they don't even think about it. But just polished off. He told me. I said, mike, what the fuck? How old are you? What's going on? And he said, that was my eighth. I said, how many fucking cupcakes?

[Allison Rosen]

Eighth.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. He said, I got a sign in my room. I got a room. Finished cupcakes immediately. And then there was a problem with the room and they put us in the wrong room. So they sent us to a new room. Two more cupcakes, scored those. I think he may have eaten. Jeff Ross too. He's going from room to room, demolishing.

[Adam Carolla]

Cupcakes What a hero.

[Allison Rosen]

What a metabolism.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh my God. It's incredible. Also will turn theater. Me and Jay Moore August 3rd. I think Bill Simmons gonna come out and say hi too. So we'll work that one out. Ah, road hard the movie man. Cross the half million dollar mark. Unbelievable. So we are more than halfway to our goal of making the next film. And you can go to fund anything.comamcarolla and keep the party ship going. Ah, DraftKings, baby. My listeners are [e-mail] it's one day fantasy sports every day, new season. You wake up and slate clean. Start away. Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

You know the cool features on draftkings is like you enter a contest, whatever it is, $5, $10, $100, you draft your team and then if you feel really strongly about that team, you're like, I drafted a great team. There's an option where at the very end it says you want to use this team for other contests. You're like, yeah, I like this team. So you just enter. You don't have to redraft over and over again. You enter multiple contests.

[Brian Bishop]

Love it, baby. Dawson. DraftKings is giving you a head start on everyone else. Deposit now with the promo code Adam and you'll get free entry to a contest that could win you $125,000. That chance to win 125 grand. Do it now. You've got nothing to lose. Enter AdamDraftKings.com where your love of sports can win you cash today. That's DraftKings.com and by the way, for those who want to go out and have some fun with some mangria, Lake Tahoe, doing a couple of tastings. This will be without me but it'll be other fans and you have a good time. That is this Friday. This Saturday, one's at Moe's, the other's at brother sports bar. Yes, at that altitude, quite as much to feel it. Hummingbird's beak of mangria. And you'll be passed out on the floor. By the way, we don't need passed out on the floor. I rarely pass out standing up. I'll be on the floor at some point. Allison Rose's new best friend, Bob Saget. Love me some saget. That is really funny. Really nice guy. Do his charity every once in a while. Scleroderma? I do believe so. I don't know my kids middle names either, but that's I know. New episodes every Monday and Thursday and you can get on itunes, our app or you go to AllisonRosen.com so until next time, I'm careful for Allison Rosen. Bald Brian saying mahalo. Give me another highball, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, this is Adam Carollo Show 1120.

[Brian Bishop]

Coming up next, we have Adam Carollo.

[Adam Carolla]

Show 1130 featuring Paul Scheer, Allison Rosen and Brian bishop, also from 2013.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day, Alison, Rosie.

[Allison Rosen]

Good day, Adam Carolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day, Bold Brian. Hey, hey, hey. As asked by whom? Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

We haven't gotten any for a while because I haven't been doing it in New York. So that was requested by me. But top drop if you want to hear your top drop.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

I could have just made someone up. No one is going to check.

[Adam Carolla]

Ralison Ozen really wanted that one.

[Brian Bishop]

You have your hooray for Baldiwood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the Wolverine.

[Brian Bishop]

Wolverine or the Wolverine. Coming up, I have a story. It's been a while since we banked some shows in New York City. Mike August yawned. I will tell you the story of seeing Mike August yawn.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't even imagine what that is like.

[Brian Bishop]

Now all I have to do is see a squirrel shit and I'm done. You're done and I'm done. I saw Mike. Oh, I got Sonny in Italian in the next room. By the way. We will. Matt Fondelier will give me an assist on what was the world's longest day. Right. It was a 24 hour. It was an odyssey. It was an odyssey. And we'll tell you that that was Monday when everyone was leaving New York. We were just getting to work first in Montreal. Every year, Andy Kindler does this state of the industry address where he gets up there and he roasts all the folks in the industry. And I guess it's attended by the industry and network people and folks like that. And I guess a fair bit of this one, which is kind of flattering, was directed at me being a Nazi and a Hitler esque character and being bigoted and all that kind of stuff. And people just tweet me things. So they tweeted me this article that says one of the most brutal slangs was delivered to Adam Carolla, a widely loathed symbol of comedy hackdom. Well, finally someone said it hat is hackiest. I don't know, like when you're writing an article, how much of you are you allowed to inject into that, into that article? A lot.

[Allison Rosen]

Widely loathed symbol of hackdom at its hackiest.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like I'm a lot of things, but I don't feel hacking is my thing. Like, I never, I'm not A pie in the face kind of guy.

[Adam Carolla]

This could be the greatest example of ironic writing ever. That's though, with all the hacky symbolism references.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I would argue that calling someone an unfunny Hitler is sort of hacky, ironically. Right. But anyway, at a certain point he went on to just basically say that Carolles like Hitler, except for Hitler, if Hitler weren't funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't that the construction you used on the back of your book?

[Brian Bishop]

I think it is, except for. Yeah, it was like Jesus and gouging. Yeah. Baby doll would not get this reference at all. And neither would my editor.

[Allison Rosen]

We walked down the hall and no one here knows of any Hitler joke stories anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Knock, knock, Hitler stories anyway. I'm a bigot with a capital Nazi, is what he went on to say. Such as misspelling, which is fine. Which is fine with me. I don't know what, by the way. I know. But here's the thing. What do you gotta do to be a bigot these days? Or homophobic? First off, as far as the Nazi and the Hitler part, he's got this one all screwed up. All I ever say is everyone should be more like the Jews. That's my only Jew statement, is let's all do it like the Jews. Get with the family, get with the education, get with the program. I don't believe that was part of Hitler's. I don't think that was one of the planks in his platform.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think it was a P.S.

[Brian Bishop]

But either way, I'm flattered by it and I do want to Wait.

[Allison Rosen]

Which part are you flattered by?

[Brian Bishop]

I love the idea that someone would just burn these kind of calories on me when again, there's things you can say to me that would hurt my feelings. But you can't call me short because I'm six two. So I'm six two. I have a measuring tape. I'm aware that I'm six two. And you can go, he's the dwarfiest, shortest, squattiest. And it's like that dwarfed him out of the dwarfiest. Yeah, make fun of other things that would hurt a little more. So, you know, calling me a Nazi is obviously insane. So it doesn't feel like anything. Or even calling me hacky doesn't feel like anything. Which, by the way, as I've said, I much prefer the -4 star reviews than a 1 1/2 or 2 star review. Because that's like they're trying. They're being sincere and this is what they've come up with. So it's fine. I just wanted to talk about this or take this opportunity for a moment to say at a certain point, and Gary can find the rest of the article. The lady who wrote the article went on to explain that he was saying this to a group, a large group of people who seemed to agree with him. Basically. There wasn't a lot of naysayers in the crowd. No one stood up for me, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

But is it the kind of thing where, like, at a roast, you say horrible things about someone, but no one stands up and goes, what are you. He is a gentleman. You don't say that. And they just kind of go along with it and laugh? I'm only guessing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, sure. That's how it goes. But I think in order to. If you have an angle and you're writing a story, this helps you with your insane angle. Gary will find it on there. Allison, you can read it if you can.

[Allison Rosen]

As always, the state of the industry leaves a lot of room for improvement. But you know Kindler is just kidding when he dismisses it all as a steaming pile of shit. Except for Carolla. There's no hope of redemption for Carolla. In closing, Kindler offered this nugget of divine truth. Quote, if you're a comedian and you're not saying anything funny, you're just a racist.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. Now, Gary, find the fucking part in the article where it says, the room did not, you stupid honky, disagree with you fucking cracker. All right, so we'll find that in a second. But anyway, here's what I have to say. Tell Sonny and Natalia to hold their ears. What I have to say to the potential industry that was in the audience.

[Allison Rosen]

They're actually holding their ears.

[Brian Bishop]

Good.

[Allison Rosen]

That's so cute.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys can all fuck yourself. I have a fucking pirate ship. You understand? I just got back from Vancouver. I sold out a theater and went through 100 cases in Mankorea. I don't need you. That's why we're here. That's why I built this. NBC, cbs, Andy Kindler does not matter to me. Everybody get yourself in a nice daisy chain and fuck each other, because I don't give a fuck. Say what you want, lie, do whatever you want. Blackball me, push me. The outside of the industry, it doesn't matter. I'll take me with me. I'll take my fans with me. I'll sell my books, I'll do my podcasts. And as long as everyone who's listening to this podcast tells a friend comes out to the liquor store buys a bottle, buys a book, shares it with a friend, then the entire industry can go fuck itself. That's why I did this.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't care if you're lobbying for next year's keynote address. This is not the way to do it.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying. I'm fucking Teflon, Don. You can't touch me. First off, I'm not interested in doing.

[Adam Carolla]

He went to jail for the rest of his life.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, shit. But I think he ate, like, prosciutt from inside.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, it's like in Goodfellas.

[Brian Bishop]

They're slicing real thin, real thin with the razor. There's nothing you can do to me because I've built my own pirate ship and I'm already outside of the industry. So there's no threats, there's no boycotts. There's none of that. As long as the people, as the people listen to this, share it with a friend, and continue to support what we do here, then we're done. We don't need it. And that was the whole point. And that's what these guys do. They do this kind of stuff, and they try to get you to fold and conform and come back because you need them, because they are the platform for you. But we have built our own platform. And I would never want to go back and do those shitty network shows anyway. Anyway, here's what it says. Oh, yes, go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

While no PC impresario himself, Kindler betrayed genuine disgust with Carolla's largely acknowledged racism and sexism. And it didn't seem there was a single voice of dissent in the packed house. Do you know anyone who was actually there?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't. I wouldn't hear about any of this stuff. But people tweet it to me, and, like I said, I'm amused by. Sort of puts a smile on my face.

[Allison Rosen]

I do think, from what I read, you were one of a number of people that he said stuff about.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, I would never be so delusional as to think that I was the main focus of his ire.

[Allison Rosen]

But you might have been.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, maybe I was. But either way, it's neither here nor there. Where are we sitting now? We're sitting in my warehouse, and we're sitting at my studio that I built, and you guys supported this pirate ship, and now we're, you know, 850 grand toward our million dollars for the next independent film on fund. Anything. What the fuck do we need the people in that audience for? And those guys are hacks who just wet their beaks and Then fuck with the product anyway. So thank you, Andy. I'm fine with your opinion. I'm really not upset or offended or anything like that. In a weird way, like I said, I'm flattered. Sort of just like you should be if a young boy tugs on your pigtails. But once you get in your 40s, it's probably time to put that in your rear view mirror. But I'm saying, yeah, I'm flattered by it. And I'm just here to tell the folks, A, I don't care, B, I'm never going back, and C, thank you all for what you've done and continuing to make this possible and have the employees, except for Chris Maxapata, who I'm looking at. New hair, haircut. Looking good, buddy. Looking good. All right, the kids are coming in. And a couple of few. First, the Odyssey on Monday.

[Allison Rosen]

What are you talking about?

[Brian Bishop]

After we left New York or everyone else left New York, I said, well, how far is Limerock, Connecticut? The racetrack in Lime Rock or Lime Rock, the racetrack from where we are? And somebody looked it up and said, like an hour or 75 miles or something like that from Manhattan. And I said, all right, that was Paul Newman's home track. Bob Sharp lives right there by the track. Who was Newman Sharp and who was his partner for the guy built him his first race car? The guy who led the team, the Sharp of Newman Sharp. And then another guy by the name of Sam Posey, who lives right in there and was one of Paul's driving partners as well. And I said, well, I'm pecking away at this Paul Newman doc, which is don't ask me questions. I don't have any answers. Just all I know, if I'm going to be an hour away from Lime Rock, I'm going to try to go get Bob Sharp. By the way, I don't know if we have any pictures or any of that stuff, but Bob Sharp's house is just a bunch of Paul Newman helmets and fire suits and old pictures and crazy discussions about when his son died and how they handled it. He was with Paul, basically touring the country in Winnebago, doing all these races. When Paul's son died, I think he overdosed. And then same thing when Paul Fitzi, Jim Fitzgerald, Paul's driving partner, died in Florida in a race and stuff. And I was like, how did all this stuff go down? Like, you guys were together during all this, continued to race through all this stuff. So it was a really interesting, very interesting interview and a very interesting. But the Odyssey was we did a mangria tasting in Manhattan on Sunday night. And then I was slated to do Howard Stern Monday morning, of course. And that was great. Howard was great because I said, look, I'm doing this road hard thing and we're doing this crowdfunding thing. And you think you could squeeze in a segment or two so I could get a little bump? Which he very generously did. But it was show up downtown, show up on Midtown at 6:45 or something like that. Now, Mike and I had all our stuff. We had a week's worth of luggage. And on top of that, I had all my driving gear. I had helmet, fire suit, shoes, gloves, a whole Hans device, the whole big driving suit thing.

[Allison Rosen]

You brought that all out to New York?

[Brian Bishop]

I brought it.

[Allison Rosen]

I thought you didn't check a bag, though.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam had a very large carry on, awkwardly shaped, big.

[Brian Bishop]

Big bulbous. You had a hockey bag, Big manatee of a carry on with another carry on. And like I said, Matt, I don't know if you have any pictures. Lime Rock.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're pulling them up right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. They were going to bring this super behemoth Newman car out there for me to drive a few laps around Paul Newman's home track and Paul Newman's old car, blah, blah, blah. And that's why I was trucking with the helmet, with the fire suit, with stuff. Not to mention a week's worth of socks and underpants and God knows what else. So we had to be checked out. It was like, I'll see you down in the lobby at 6:20. Checked out, by the way. I hate that checked out early shit. Like, I want to go do Stern and then come back and get my shit. But this was. Now get the. Get the F out of here. You can. You can go to ancroll.com and we'll show you a few. Few pictures and we'll scroll through a few. And you find a few of these things. There's the super behemoth car, which is parked in the middle of the Lime Rock Raceway. Paul Newman's name over at the whole nine yards. But you can not. This picture. You can find some other. Find some of the Wall of Fame stuff. Anyway, so it was Mike August sitting there, 6:20 in the morning. All right, all the luggage into the cab, off to do Howard Stern. Now all luggage out of cab, through security, up 29 floors and. Off to do Howard Stern, but with big caravan of luggage in green room and all that stuff. Did Stern. Stern was great. Did about an hour. And yeah, if you look at a couple pictures, by the way, there's Tom Cruise in his driving suit next to Paul Newman because Cruz drove for Bob Sharp as well too. So it's this crazy just museum of celebrities and race cars and just, you know, exercise equipment. Yes. So anyway, Deuce Stern now down to the street level and we got to rent a car because we're driving out to Lime Rock and pull up six blocks of dragging more luggage to the rent a prize. Rent a car in the middle of Manhattan. It's 8:30 in the morning now. It takes about a half hour load up the car, get it, do the. Mike drives like an insane. He drives like he's angry at gas. That's how he drives. And others. And we get others who have gas. Others who have gas. And we drive like fucking balls. But it's way out there. I mean it's way deep. Connecticut. It's. It took us three and a half hours to get there. And if it took us 40 minutes to get out of Manhattan, you know, it was so congested. It's the middle of the day, Monday morning and we finally get to the track. And by the time we get to the track, it's too late for me to drive the car. We have to sit down and do Sam Posey and then we're going to haul ass out of there and get to Bob Sharp's place because we have an 8 o'.

[Adam Carolla]

Clock.

[Brian Bishop]

What was that? 8:30?

[Adam Carolla]

It was 8 o' clock on the dot.

[Brian Bishop]

8 o' clock flight 8pm out of JFK. Now we got to drive and we got to drive like stink because we're. I don't know where Connecticut, but we got to get to jfk. So first instance, first after we get our track interview, throw everyone in the car. And Mike, like I said, he doesn't drive. He drives fast, but not skillfully. Most people who drive at a certain pace have a certain skill level. He has almost no skill level but drives at that pace, which means just reckless. Makes for a rough ride. So Matt's back sitting in the backseat and it's hot, as you guys remember, over 100. Yeah. And he's in the back and he's got his phone out and he's trying to do the whole GPS thing and we're trying to find this little dot in the middle of Connecticut, which is Bob Sharp's house, which is, you know, way down a whiny. I mean this is deep, you know, you don't know these places exist kind of places. There were like 15 cemeteries alongside the road. He was fucking out there. And, like, headstones that were in the 1600s and stuff like crazy. And he's M. Night Shyamalan type type of movie type themes going on here. And so we're going along, and I don't know that Matt's having a hard time, but Matt's having a hard time. Just like someone. It's like a Saint Bernard. No one cracked the window, and there's no water back there. And he's trying to read the map. And Mike's driving like an asswipe, you know? And it's hotter than shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't seen a toilet bowl in an hour and a half.

[Brian Bishop]

And he's doing that thing too, where he's wearing jeans and dress shoes for some reason, which is making him that much more miserable. And, like, a dress shirt. And he drove out with the crew. So he left. What time? 6:30 in the morning? Yeah, we met in the lobby. 6:30, hit the road with the documentary crew? Yes. He's in the same boat I am. You know, he had to drive out and set up. I had to go do Howard Stern and then go drive out about the same crew. He jumps in with us to go to Bob Sharp's place. And at a certain point we get up to Sharp's, and I'm like, all right, it's 3:15 in the afternoon and flight's at 8. And God knows it's Monday. And I don't know what the traffic's like from Connecticut, this part of Connecticut, to jfk. And this could take us a while. And I'm like, wheels up, 5pm we're on the road moving toward JFK at 5pm and it's like 3:15 now. And we got a guy upstairs who's not getting any younger and is a encyclopedia of Paul Newman information. He met him when Paul Newman came to the track with his son at Lime Rock. And just. He was practicing and just said, hey, could you take me and my son for some hot laps around here? Then he said, hey, can you build me a car? And the next thing you know, 20 years of traveling the country as a race team, you know, I said, this guy was there through the salad dressings. I gotta get an hour and a half with this guy. Salad dressing. The salad dressing days. So get it set up. And at a certain point, we're going upstairs and everyone's kind of puttering around and I'm doing it. Let's get it moving. And I turn around and I say, matt, Matt, let's go. Let's get the flags, get the equipment, get the sandbags, get them upstairs. And he goes, boom. He goes. I was gonna give Bob this release to sign. I said, don't worry about the release. I'll get the release. You get the stuff set up. And I looked at him, he's beet red, sweating profusely. I mean, he was having an event, like a cardiac event.

[Adam Carolla]

He was holding it back.

[Brian Bishop]

What was going on, Matt? First of all, if I had only known this was gonna be the beginning of the day, I think I would have been able to temper the pacing a little bit better. But yeah, car sick. Like you could not believe wearing the dress shoes. Because kind of a related story. I got punked into thinking we were going for a very nice dinner while in New York. So I only brought the nice shoes with me. Well, write that story, the cummerbund story. We'll tell that one another time. Yeah, yeah. You know, just any, any excuse to just stand there in that glorious air conditioned kitchen just while he signed the release. Yeah. So he's, he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't be so hasty. Read the contract. Read what it says.

[Brian Bishop]

He's weird. Kind of penis red. He's not even red red. He's a little purple. He's got a little purple in him.

[Allison Rosen]

Veiny.

[Brian Bishop]

And he's just sweating profusely. And I'm like, we gotta get rolling. And then we went upstairs, the hottest part of the house, by the way. Cause that was sort of the trophy room. And set up with Bob knocked out our interview. And now it's 5:15. And I'm like, we are gone. And we're heading for this airport. And it's wheels up and it's 5:18. And Mike's driving angry again. And Matt's in the back with his phone. And now Matt's phone's running out of juice because he's been using the GPS on it too much. And we're taking the 22 through the God knows what. He was just rattling off freeways at that point. Mike was angry at the highway system.

[Allison Rosen]

What kind of car were you guys in? Just so I can visualize how uncomfortable Matt was.

[Brian Bishop]

Buick Envoy minivan or something like. And Matt was like going, it's like a white flag. Matt's like, we gotta go to the 22. And Matt and Mike's like, no, I'm not going back on the 22. It's like, well, that's what my. And I'm like, I'm having that conversation with Mike August that You only have with Mike August where I'm going. Hold on, Matt, what is your phone telling you to do? It's telling us to take the 22, Mike. I'm not taking the 22, you know. Well, hold on. Do you have another way to go? Yes. Is it from your. Are you listening or do you want to go the way what says on Matt's phone? Yes, I do. Well, it says we have to get on the 22. No, we're not taking the 20. It's like fucking stupid circle of an argument we have all the time. You know, I didn't.

[Allison Rosen]

Where is he getting. Where's. Where was August getting his plan?

[Brian Bishop]

August had looked at his. Talking about birth control.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Where's he picking up?

[Brian Bishop]

Has to be asked. Very personal question and way off the topic. He's looked at his phone while I was interviewing Bob Sharp. He's figured out a way to get to JFK that didn't involve the 22. But it's unclear whether he's willing to go on the 22 or not. Yes, exactly. Between your phone, my phone and August, we're all on three different plans using three different mappings. We have a printed out map. And I'm just hoping that we're gonna go somewhere August and Adam will be happy. I'm dry. I'm in the passenger seat going, just listen to what the sick guy with the dress shoes is telling me to do. He's on a phone right now. So Mike's driving angry again. And then we get to this three lane highway and it's a kind of thing where now we're about an hour, hour and 15 away from the airport. And then it all comes to a stop. Just three lanes, nothing, boom, stop. And there's no worse feeling now we're going on a 24 hour day here. We've been in New York, you know, we left Thursday. We're at my house at 5:30 in the morning, everybody ready to. And nobody wants to miss this flight. And it's 8. It's about timeline me here. It's about 6:15, 6:30. We know we're within striking distance. The airport's probably 30, 40 miles away. But we're stopped. We're literally parked on the beltway. And I was like, God damn, what are we talking about here? Is this traffic or is it an accident or what have you. Turns out there is a big rig that like has the roof torn off it. Like the trailer with the roof torn off. Like it's tacoed in the middle. I've never seen a big. It's not a jackknife big rig. It's the rig. It's the actual payload itself. The trailer is folded down in the middle.

[Adam Carolla]

I tried to get under an overpass. That was too low.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't know. But it didn't clip the front. It clipped the middle. Or I don't know what it was, but it was a crazy big rig accident. It was a fucking mess. And at a certain point, we're all just sitting there and everyone feels like shit. Everyone's going off of vapors. Now we're on hour 19, and some guys with their windows rolled all the way down pull up next to us. And they're just cranking. They're cranking the socko, whatever that music is. The Latin, fucked up whatever. I'll give you a little. Give it a little shot. Yeah. And windows down and just blaring. And I'm just like, well, first off, we know we're not in Connecticut anymore. We're back. That much we know. And stuff's just grinding. And at the same time, Peter Cetera pops up on our radio. And I swear to God. Do you have this? Pops up and I'm like. So we're sitting in there listening to the widest music on the planet while this fucking rave is going on. This south of the border rave is going on. And I said, you know what? Fuck it. This guy's right next to me. Rolled our windows down. Crank it up. Crank it up. Fuck it. We just had this blaring. Turn it all the way up. Mike's like, I don't give a. He'll fight in the street. Now I roll all the windows down, right? Pull up right next to the guys with the silo music. Yeah. And I just crank it. Just cranking up. Clouds cranking up. Yes. They just looked us like, what the is this?

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, that's.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, how you like it? How you like me now? This white. White people music, we can annoy. We can annoy as well. You don't have the fucking market cornered on that. So it lifted the tension momentarily. The blasting music was great for my car sickness, by the way, the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

What made you sicker? The SOCA or Piro Sotera.

[Brian Bishop]

It was everything. So now we pass the big rig. But we got 52 minutes before our flight leaves. And we're driving. Mike's driving angry again, which is fine. And we say to Matt, well, we got a problem. Low man on the totem pole. The rental car drop off is not at the airport. It's one of those shuttle, tram, take the train, whatever ones. There should be a concierge thing because this shit must happen all the time. I would gladly give some guy in a yellow vest 100 bucks just to be able to throw him the keys and jump out of the car and have him drive it over. And I'm sure the rental car company would happily take my $100 for the $9 an hour guy, 15 minutes extra. Took him to get in the Buick and drive it over to the thing. But that service.

[Allison Rosen]

But instead you had Matt do it for free.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, we said, look Matt, there's three of us. No sense all three of us missing the flight.

[Allison Rosen]

That's just math.

[Brian Bishop]

That's just math. And we will try. Now we pulled up to the airport at 7:30. I would say it was about five after seven that you guys got dropped off. Because check in was around 7:30. Oh, I don't remember. 55 minutes till the flight leaves. Seems a little lengthily. I think it was more like 7:27, something like that. But anyway. 7:15, 7:20. But this place was off campus, you know, And I just said, you know, we jumped out and yelled, we'll try to hold. We'll try to hold it for you. Because I've had it happen where you said, oh, my friend's in security and he's coming right now and he's checked in already. Just hold the door. Except for Matt's phone is dead. Oh no, he has no. Now we have no way of knowing. Like if we knew he was close, we could try for it. Now it's going to be a weird attempt if we're not in communication with Matt. His phone.

[Allison Rosen]

How upset were you guys by this?

[Brian Bishop]

Dead more upset when I found out some information 15 minutes later. So I said, matt, drop it off. Run as fast as you can and we'll try and do what we can do. And then Mike and I pulled up and the flight was delayed for two hours. Now I had this problem.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like that moment when you close the elevator doors and someone walks up.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry, I'm doing everything I can.

[Adam Carolla]

It closes, then it opens. And they made it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like, oh, now my thinking was, you know, shit. Like first it kind of felt good for Matt and bad for me. Then I thought, well, shit, we can't get hold of Matt. And it's 7:32 now. And if I were Matt, I would just go, fuck it. I'll keep the car. I'll check my I'll either drive back to Manhattan or I'll just check myself into a hotel and catch a flight tomorrow. I'm not going to make it. And if I dump the car off and take off on the tram and don't make the flight, now I'm just stuck at the airport with no car.

[Allison Rosen]

Cause that's the last flight of the night.

[Brian Bishop]

I think that we checked. One of the things we did, which burned up the phone, was checking on more flights later on because we weren't gonna make it. And there was nothing. And so that then went off into the night. Mike and I went and attempted to get into the Virgin Lounge, where, of course, we're denied. And this one, too, which is always funny, where they go. But you can get a $75 pass if you like to come in. And I go, yeah. And then, what about him? Yeah, it's another 75 bucks. It's like, well, for 75 bucks, we can go down to the steak joint that's in the airport and have a nice porterhouse and a couple glasses of Pinot Noir, you know, I mean, you're sort of defeating the purpose of it.

[Allison Rosen]

What kind of perk is it at that point?

[Brian Bishop]

It's not really a perk I can get. Well, here's the dude, it's not free Booze if it's 75 bucks.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll just go buy 13 bucks worth of free booze and then just eat myself some ribs downstairs and I'll get out for $42. So I don't know what this is. And then as I was walking away, she's like, we do foot rubs. I don't like myself that much.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm not comfortable. It's too intimate for me. So we then walked.

[Adam Carolla]

Never gotten a foot rub.

[Brian Bishop]

She did. No, she. She did the thing where she said, and this is the one I like, too. She went, there is another sort of drip tray lounge. I don't know if she called it that, but sort of a catch all.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, where the little people can go, hang out for free.

[Allison Rosen]

You mean the gate?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like, go. There's a lounge. There's a sub lounge.

[Adam Carolla]

Pinkberry.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And she goes. She goes, there's another lounge that you could get into with your ticket over there. But it's kind of a. You know, it's not. No foot rubs going down there. And I was like, all right. And then she did this one. It's before the part where you know nothing about where you work or anything. She goes, it is before Security. And I go, it's before security. And she goes, yeah. And I go, oh, well, then we can't go there. We just cleared security. I'm not going to go back outside of the airport. Then she goes, oh, no, no, no. It's after. It's after security. It's like, okay, it's after then. Because that makes more sense to me. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Seems like really unnecessary information that she was imparting.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. And I was like, where is it? And she couldn't describe where it was, even though she worked there. And it was like their sister lounge. So Mike and I went there and thank God for their entree. They had hot food, curried fish. Because on a blistering Connecticut summer day, when you're going on 24 hours of non sleep and you've been out in the fucking sun all day and you're depleted, you always think, I want curry, but I want fish, you know? But how do I combine curried fish? Mike ate half the pot, told me it was horrible, with every bite still finished off. But it's like there's nothing I could go for less than curried fish. And in terms of a sort of universal food, like, there's only one hot meal we can put out. There are gonna be many, many people coming from many parts of the globe that are all gonna be converging here, weary travelers. What is a nice compromised meal? I don't know, but it must contain curry. Does she feel like that's.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't think of anything more polarizing. Maybe cilantro fish.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know. It was a weird. Matt, was that a weird call? Totally bizarre. I was just glad they had those Costco turkey wraps. I just stacked up on those.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, so you were there?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I step. So Mike, because he's a decent human being, is calling Alamo, calling the desk, going, did he drop the car off? Tell him if this guy walks in, pitting out dress shoes, sweating through his shirt, breathing heavily, penis red, purple, ask him to the restroom. If that guy comes in and drops off a Buick Envoy, tell him, come to the airport, the flight's to let you know. And it was a lot of him on hold, and then a lot of he hadn't got there yet, which was, oh, crap, he took the car and went to a hotel. And then a. Oh, he did drop the car off. And then we were just sitting in this lounge. At some point, a super out of breath, sweaty, disheveled Matt just appeared. Just appeared in front of us. Fucking made it, man. He made it. And then we had one of the weirdest announcements we ever had, which is, all right, the flight is going to be. The flight's going to be delayed till 10 o'.

[Allison Rosen]

Clock.

[Brian Bishop]

All right? Supposed to be 8 o'. Clock. Now it's 10 o'. Clock. Everyone's been on the road since 6:30 that morning. But, all right, we'll take our 10 o' clock flight. Then we all showed up at the Virgin, or. Yeah, was it Virgin? And we all showed up and everyone was standing around like, should we get on the plane? Do we get on the plane? And the pilot came out and he said, look, we're not going to get out of here until one amount. But if we all get on the plane now, this is a very big. But we all get on the plane now. They might let us push off, but we all got to get on the plane. And I was like, it just sounds weird and unprofessional to me. Plus, he looked like Spicoli. I didn't know he's a pilot. He's like short sleeves kind of young guy and stuff. I said, it's not the pilot. And August's like, I think that's a pilot. And I was like, all right. And we all piled onto the plane, and then we sat for two hours and then we took off. And then we landed in LA at about 3, 3:10. And then I walked through the door at 3:40. And then I tacked the three hours on and I went, well, 24 hours. That was 24 goddamn hours. But when we were driving, I was.

[Allison Rosen]

Balked at this notion of everyone getting on the plane to sit for three hours.

[Brian Bishop]

There was one guy who was trying to convince everybody to rebel.

[Adam Carolla]

His name was Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

There was one guy who recognized me, and he worked for some production company or something, right? Some voiceover thing, I think. Some voiceover thing. Oh, no, he worked for an agent. Anyone know why I wasn't doing more voiceover work? And he was trying to get everyone. We can get an $80 voucher and they have to put us up at a hotel if we all walk right now. And I was like, no, who's with me? No, no. He was, like, wearing flip flops and a dress shirt, and he was, like, walking around trying to get everyone fired up to walk and get, I don't know, more curry. I don't know what his plan was, but it wasn't convincing.

[Adam Carolla]

You're trying to unionize the passengers.

[Brian Bishop]

He was. There was one guy who was trying to start a rebellion.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking Norma Ray.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, we're having like Middle Eastern spring or something in there. I don't know what the hell it was. The point is we said, look, screw you flip flops with the voiceover work. I'm getting on the plane. And we got on the plane and we just sat there for two hours. And maybe he was right, but either way, we were back in LA, technically, Tuesday at 3:00am Poor Rob had to come pick us up at 3, 3:30 in the morning. And that was a nice. I'm glad I had some interviews lined up for the following morning.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that was like the best way to wake up.

[Brian Bishop]

That was awesome. All right, I have. I have my kids who want to come in here. I have some love for one of our sponsors. Why don't you just. Yeah, we're at Baldiwood. Oh, my goodness. Why don't we bring the kids in? I will tell everyone. Me and Jay Moore doing some standup at the wheel turn coming up this Saturday, August 3rd. That's a Saturday. Yeah. And Bill Simmons coming out. We're going to do a little movie talk as well. So still some tickets available to that if you want to come out. Say hi and we'll hang out. Glad hand you after the show and do the whole nine yards. Find a seat. There's. Oh, Sonny doesn't have a seat.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they're bringing a chair in for him.

[Brian Bishop]

Bring a chair. Also fundanything.com we are sneaking up on a million bucks and it's all because of you. So thank you in advance for that. All right. Also, Irvine, August 8th and Amalfi this Wednesday, doing a live podcast. Kids are in place. Should we do a little Baldiwood? Oh, you know what? Let me tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not with the kids here.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not appropriate.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Stamps.com. baby, what can I tell you about stamps.com? you do not need to go to the post office. You don't want to go to the post office. Screw that post office. Stamps.com, all the services the post office has to offer right at your fingertips. You can print official US Postage for any letter, package, or class of mail. They'll even send you. A digital scale automatically calculates the exact postage. I love that. The exact same postage. No more rounding up. They got a special offer. $110 bonus offer includes the scale. 55 bucks free postage only if you enter Adam. Go to stamps.com now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Adam. That is stamps.com promo code. Adam. Sunny, Natalia, you Guys doing good?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Hanging with Daddy tonight? Pretty much, yeah. That's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Sonny walked in with a lot more.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a waste of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

The levee is broken with Sonny. He is feeling confident.

[Brian Bishop]

Natalia.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to say anything about your daddy?

[Allison Rosen]

Daddy? You're the best dad in the world. When you're sleeping.

[Brian Bishop]

She's working a little stand up for the team we were working on. What else you got, Natalia?

[Allison Rosen]

I was gonna take a Toron ogle village.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. Slow down, slow down. Say it again.

[Allison Rosen]

I was gonna take a Toron Olga's village, but my donkey broke down.

[Brian Bishop]

Good stuff. What else you got? Natty girl.

[Allison Rosen]

Mommy, Mommy, I want to get the new American girl of the year.

[Brian Bishop]

Sunny doesn't like this one, but go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

It's afraid of the bees. It's afraid of the dark. And its name. And her name is Sunny. I am not.

[Brian Bishop]

We left the diaper part out. Sonny circled that one.

[Allison Rosen]

You realize.

[Adam Carolla]

This is like a roast?

[Brian Bishop]

It is a roast, Sonny.

[Adam Carolla]

Get him back at the Zinger.

[Brian Bishop]

Anything for mommy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I don't. I need help on my homework on the. I mean, I forgot it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. I told you to write it down.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Okay, go ahead. I don't need help on my homework today. I have the smartest person in the house. Mommy, do you know where Molly is?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, it's not too bad. That's a little bumpy, but not bad.

[Allison Rosen]

If you need. That's all I have.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that's good.

[Allison Rosen]

Seven plus seven.

[Brian Bishop]

14. That's good stuff. All right, Sonny, again the three. That's just a waste of my times. First, I'm gonna drag that.

[Allison Rosen]

You owe me $2,224.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. All right. People bought the apps. They're very popular.

[Allison Rosen]

Equal 2000 more.

[Brian Bishop]

Give me a. Give me a. Tired. That's just a waste of my time.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a waste of my time. Okay, that's pretty much me bums.

[Brian Bishop]

Now give me a Super angry. That's just a waste of my time.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a waste of my time.

[Brian Bishop]

Now give me a. Holding back the tears about to cry. That's just a waste of my time.

[Allison Rosen]

It's always time.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, he's so good. Sonny, that was excellent. All right, you guys go out there.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Of course they can say for Baldiwood. It's not inappropriate at all.

[Brian Bishop]

Eat. You guys.

[Allison Rosen]

We only stayed here for a second.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Baldiwood, Uncle Brian is going to. Is going to do a little movie review for you, okay?

[Allison Rosen]

It's just a Waste of my time. That's a movie. Total reset review.

[Brian Bishop]

You're gonna find out. Here we go.

[Allison Rosen]

Although I do sound good.

[Brian Bishop]

Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spin bucks, remember his name. Taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of Transformers to Hooray for Body War.

[Adam Carolla]

No reason they have to hear that.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Today I saw the Wolverine I saw right before coming here. This is in theaters now. It is directed by James Mangold. He directed walk the line 310 to Yuma and girl Interrupted Movies. You may have seen Hugh Jackman, of course, Wolverine. He's been Wolverine now for six movies and this is the sixth movie he's played Wolverine in. In this movie, he's summoned to Japan for some reason or another and he gets into a lot of fights. Honestly, it was kind of hard to keep track of all the characters motivations in the movie. Like I was constantly thinking to myself, what does this person want again? Are they good? Are they a bad guy? They were good, now they're bad. Or they're going back and forth.

[Brian Bishop]

It all seems very homoerotic.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good news. Gay men and ladies, straight ladies out there. Hugh Jackman spends a lot more time without a shirt than he does with a shirt.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

The woman sitting next to me, the slightly younger than me girl sitting next to me was very excited. She was having some conniption fits when he would flex, which was often, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

She was enjoying herself.

[Brian Bishop]

It sort of just. This franchise has just basically turned into Hugh Jackman with a shirt off. Right. The posters just sort of Hugh Jackman.

[Paul Scheer]

With a shirt off.

[Adam Carolla]

Muscular and.

[Brian Bishop]

But that's all, I mean, that's what. That's all I'll remember. Hugh Jackman gotten in incredible shape.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of which, I think I mentioned this a long time ago. Doesn't it feel like this actors who are abusing steroids to get huge for roles is a scandal that has to break soon because Hugh Jackman's a 44 year old man and looks like he looks like a 24 year old bodybuilder. I mean, he is in bodybuilder shape.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's crazy.

[Brian Bishop]

It seems you have to do a cycle or two if you're going to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

He's monstrous in this movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. I saw Identity Theft on the Plane.

[Adam Carolla]

And Identity thief with Melissa McCarthy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, thief. Yeah, yeah. And it was one of those movies where you get eight minutes in, and there's that scene where he's talking to the cops in Denver, going, you're arresting me? Something took place in Jacksonville, Florida, with your name on it, sir. And they're like, yeah, somebody stole my identity. Really? Tell that to the judge. And then you smash cut to the scene where his boss is like, I'm sorry, I have to fire you because you're money manager and your credit rating. He's like, but, Herb, my identity was stolen by this crazy person in Florida. And then there's this scene which I always love. The cops saying, well, there's really nothing we can do. I mean, unless you can go to Clearwater and bring her back to Denver. And you're like, really? That's it? That's it. I'm gonna get some handcuffs and, like, a tranquilizer. Is that how the law works? I'm not sure that any cop has ever said that to someone.

[Allison Rosen]

Do cops usually dispatch the person that they want for the crime to go do it?

[Brian Bishop]

Not so often, I don't think. I'm not a detective. Also, I feel like identity thievery is fairly commonplace and that your boss would understand. If Gary got his identity stolen and someone ran up his credit card, I wouldn't go. You understand how bad this makes the company? Look, Gary, I'm sorry. I understand what happened to you, but I'm gonna have to let you go.

[Allison Rosen]

Unless you can find the person and.

[Brian Bishop]

Bring them back from Clearwater. Literally. Like, the cops are like, there's really nothing we can do unless you bring her in. And it's like, I just don't feel like that's how the law works.

[Adam Carolla]

It does feel like a lot of scripts these days, that one and even this one have are, like, first drafts where it's like, we have a story. We got to get these characters in the story as fast and as easy as possible. So in this one, he, like, he has to go to Japan because some guy. Oh, now you're talking about Wolverine 30 years ago. Is like, I'm dying. I'm dying, and I want to see you and say goodbye, and it's right. That's all it takes to get him to Japan.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. Yeah. Most these movies, the problem is you're not buying the whole reason that they exist. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Such a suspension of disbelief is necessary that you can't even get into the movie. I fit. You know, I feel like our next guest would have a lot to say about this because he does a podcast about crappy movies.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, good. We'll bring Paul Shear in. All right, kids, any parting words?

[Allison Rosen]

What's parting.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

What's their favorite movie right now?

[Brian Bishop]

What is your. What are you watching?

[Allison Rosen]

My favorite is Guy. I'm right. Ding, ding, ding.

[Brian Bishop]

No, what movie?

[Allison Rosen]

It's a new. The new Speckle. Me too.

[Brian Bishop]

Despicable Me.

[Adam Carolla]

I got good reviews.

[Brian Bishop]

And Sonny, what are you watching?

[Allison Rosen]

No, not really. Well, yeah, really, but not. Not my favorite movie. Not showed.

[Brian Bishop]

It's all this crappy Lego whatever. It's. It's insane. All right, Believe me. I had to watch the entire Disney Teen beach musical extravaganza last night.

[Allison Rosen]

It was awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was awesome. It was awesome. And very confusing sexually to Daddy.

[Allison Rosen]

They took off Grease's scenes. They just ripped it off.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, all right, anyway, Wolverine.

[Adam Carolla]

No good. C minus. Go see something.

[Allison Rosen]

Actually, my favorite movie is Toon Beach.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, all right. Our little outro. Hooray for bounty war. All right. Children's Hospital, Adult Swim. Paul Scheer. Talk to him now. Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew. On the Adam Carolla show. Dateline, daytona, Florida. A 49 year old man was arrested after stabbing his brother in a fight that started over a missing box of macaroni and cheese. Definitely not a Jew. Paul Shearer in studio. Thank you. Movie Hell Baby available well now on video on demand. Rob Cordry's in this thing as well. Tell us about the movie, Other good things too as well.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, it's basically like a funny version of that movie, the Conjuring. I think it's like just basically a couple moves into a haunted house and there's devil possession and it's written by the guys who did Reno911, Tomlin and Ben Grant. So it's just a funny movie that oddly went to Sundance. So people would go see Fruitville Station or Fruitvale Station and be like. And then go see a movie about Hell Baby.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's nice that you got into Sundance. Is it coming or is it going?

[Adam Carolla]

It was early in the year, right?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, it was back in January.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you go out there? I went out there. How was it?

[Paul Scheer]

It was fun. I mean, you know, it's a bunch of like. It's just like LA that just moved out there. So just a bunch of people in like fur jackets talking about how great that movie was, you know, and everyone's so excited about these movies that no one ever hears about ever again.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like, yeah, the batting average, I mean, look on all movies is rough. But Sundance as well, out of, I don't know, 375, 400 movies. I don't know what they accept. The chances that you've heard of nine of them are very remote.

[Paul Scheer]

Exactly. They take like three or four big ones and they come out in their splashes. But the rest are. Yeah, you never hear about them again. But everyone talks about it. And they even set up like, you know, the club Hide out here. I guess, you know, they have a mini version of Hyde there for Sundance. So it's really like become super douchey with that element to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, your podcast, how did this get Made? Talks about movies. Bad movies, by the way, available every Tuesday on itunes. What are some of your all timey movies?

[Paul Scheer]

The one that I love that I feel like no one's seen is this movie, Old Dogs with Robin Williams and John Travolta.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

And it kind of just doesn't know what it is, if it's a kids movie or an adult movie. And there's some.

[Brian Bishop]

Are they going out looking for their daughter or something like that.

[Paul Scheer]

Basically, Robin Williams has a one night stand and then 12 years later his wife is like, I'm going to prison. You need to watch my kids for the weekend.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Paul Scheer]

And so she's going to prison. Which makes no sense. And it's so bizarre. And then. Yeah. And I guess it's sort of like the two of them being old dudes, but they want to be young guys. A dog pisses itself a lot. And it's one of the last performances of Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac, who created a human puppet costume. And he puts Robin Williams in a human puppet costume so he could interact with his daughter because he's pretty bad at talking to kids. So that's the level of insanity this movie has. It's like a human puppet suit puppeted by John Travolta. Robin Williams is in the other room.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you have a. I have a category of movies where I know they came up with the title before they came up with the movie. Oh, yeah, right. Which I just know RIPD would be a good example.

[Adam Carolla]

RIP Although that was a comic book. We know what I mean.

[Brian Bishop]

There's just those. There's also worse scenes in a movie. Do you have some of those?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, I do. And I was gonna say, like identity theft is an idea that I think is like that same one, which is like, that's the movie. It's like, it's like just the idea of identity theft is like, that's the concept.

[Brian Bishop]

But isn't there anyone in the room where you Go. It's great because he's gotta go get her. And she's got, like, £80 on, and she drinks pretty heavily, and she's already in Clearwater. Now he's got to go out from Denver. There's nobody that raises their hand in a room of, you know, 11 people where three of them have had their identity ripped off and went, I did have this thing happen to me. And it was out of. The guy was in New Brunswick. I didn't have to go get fucking zip ties and pepper spray, because that would be horrible if you had to do that.

[Paul Scheer]

And also, it seems like something that could get easily cleared up, too. It doesn't seem like there's security cameras.

[Brian Bishop]

That whole.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, those movies.

[Brian Bishop]

I just love the boss who goes, look, you've been here for 12 years. You've been one of my best employees. We're just gonna have to let you go. You understand how bad this makes us look? Like, really? Does that conversation ever really happen?

[Paul Scheer]

It never has happened. But that's like all those movies that you need some crazy catalyst. Like, he's a loving husband. He's a this, and his wife's like, I'm leaving you because you didn't take out the trash. Now it's a new. It's like. It makes no sense.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I contend that the greatest scene in cinema history is when Phoebe Cates is telling that guy Zach, whatever, in Gremlins, the reason why she doesn't like to celebrate Christmas.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my God, that's an amazing scene.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm glad you know it, because that scene is so horrifically bad. People blocked it out, like a horrible car accident from their youth where they were asleep in the backseat of their, like, mom's VW Squareback, and it rolled seven times, and they just have no memory of it. Like, people go, gremlins, that's a pretty good movie. And I go, I know. But there was this scene in Gremlins where Phoebe Cates was explaining to the guy why she doesn't like Christmas. And they go, I don't know. I've seen the movie, like, four times. I've not seen that. I've never seen that. They don't know what scene I'm talking about.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, that scene was pretty much recreated by Tara Reid and Sharknado.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

The other girl in Sharknado, she does the same thing. Like, why do you hate sharks? And she, like.

[Brian Bishop]

She gives this whole explanation.

[Adam Carolla]

She, like, was. It was a combination of that. It was a parody of the Indianapolis scene from Jaws. It was like a perfect marriage of those two.

[Brian Bishop]

We will. We have a scene. We have it up on there. There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

It was Christmas Eve. I was nine years old. Me and mom were decorating the tree, waiting for dad to come home from work.

[Brian Bishop]

It never gets old for me, by the way, as a writer, you can just go, I'm half Jewish. And we never really got into it and other people made fun of us, you know, or whatever.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, you could get out of this.

[Allison Rosen]

Christmas Day came and went and still nothing. The police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside.

[Paul Scheer]

This is amazing.

[Allison Rosen]

The house was freezing, so I went to try to light a fire.

[Paul Scheer]

Even though it's bad, it's also really dark.

[Brian Bishop]

It's pretty. It's pretty dark to find your dad in such a manner. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird and instead pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit.

[Brian Bishop]

If he's dressed as the Easter Bunny, has serious emotional problems.

[Allison Rosen]

Down the chimney on Christmas Eve, his arms loaded with presents. He was going to surprise us.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he. Mission accomplished, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

He slipped and broke his neck. Died in wait.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how he got.

[Paul Scheer]

I didn't remember that he slipped and broke his neck. I thought that just got caught in the chimney.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how he found out. Or that Santa died. Why did he need to slip and break his neck? He was already in the chimney. He was stuffed in the chimney.

[Allison Rosen]

Dangerous enough.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

If you slip. If he slipped and broke his neck, by the way, he'd be down in the fireplace.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Or did he slip on the. I mean, did he slip inside the chimney?

[Allison Rosen]

Seems like a pretty safe place to slip, actually. I mean, unsafe place to be, but you wouldn't break your neck.

[Paul Scheer]

But again, that's like a perfect like 80s kids movie. It's like. Oh yeah, it's a PG movie. Anyway, we'll do this big monologue about how the dad's dead and he found him in a chimney and Santa Claus doesn't exist.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're in.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, good. It's like Sloth and Goonies.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like I've always wondered though, like, you know, the script is, you know, 97 pages and someone. And there's an 11 page soliloquy in the middle of it. A Phoebe Cage talk where there's no action. There's nothing going on. She's just explained that her dad said, which, by the way, her dad will not reappear later on in this film and neither will her mom. And there'll be no more references. Wouldn't you just, as you're reading the thing, just kind of circle those 11 pages? Go.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to add question mark.

[Brian Bishop]

I think I can save us about 150 grand on this production right now.

[Paul Scheer]

See, I think it's the other way. I think it's like, oh, man, these gremlins are costing so much money. We can't do another scene where they're running around dancing. Let's just give her a giant monologue about her dad. Oh, yeah, great.

[Brian Bishop]

Here.

[Paul Scheer]

That saves us like hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[Brian Bishop]

God, someone's gotta make a documentary about that scene. I wanna know who wrote it. I wanna know what inspired it. I wanna know who read it. I wanna know what did Phoebe Catech. What was her feedback? She loved it.

[Paul Scheer]

That's an Oscar worthy performance right there. That is one right there.

[Brian Bishop]

That's definitely on a reel.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Awesome.

[Paul Scheer]

A Blockbuster Choice Award should be given out for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Paul. How have you guys not Adam on your show yet?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my gosh, we'd love it. I thought he's too big. Too busy.

[Brian Bishop]

No, never too big. Never too busy. Love to do your.

[Paul Scheer]

That would be really fun.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Shall we? By the way, Paul, shear.com is where you go. That's the website. Same with Twitter. Should we jump into some news and crack wise? Let's do it. The News with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes times as bad as Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

So Anthony Weiner's campaign manager has now quit, but Weiner is evidently still in the race for mayor. This whole thing, the fact that he's still sexting and sending photos of his junk, came out while when we got back from New York, but we haven't been in. This is the first time we're back in the studio since this happened. Are you up on the whole story, Adam?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I was laughing when Dr. Drew and I were doing our podcast together because I said, if I were Anthony Weiner, the beginning of every press conference I ever had from this day on would start with, by the way, it's Weiner. It's always been Wiener. I was always called. It's Pronounced Weiner. It's a German name. It is not Wiener. It's Weiner. So please, if you could get it right, because I said to Drew, which made him laugh quite a bit, I said, imagine if Monica Lewinsky's last name was Chug Scock. Do you think she would go, no, it's a French name. It's called Chuscox. It is not Chugs Cock. Why not just call it Weiner? Maybe it's too late in the game.

[Allison Rosen]

But he's a man of integrity.

[Paul Scheer]

By changing his name to Carlos Danger, he just went too extreme. He just took it a little bit too far. Here's my issue with this. What's the big deal about sexting and being a mare?

[Brian Bishop]

Is that really being married?

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, look, she's been along for the ride. I mean, I feel like.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but he said sexting and being a mayor, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Right.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, is that being a mayor?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm really going back and forth on Weiner because.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you are. See, whiner, Save us all a lot of grief.

[Allison Rosen]

Because on the one hand, I agree with you that why does it really matter? And yet he seems so lecherous to me. There's something about like, I feel like I, I'm trying to be open minded about it, but I look at him and all I. This is such a distraction at this point. And there just seems to be something so reckless and almost predatory.

[Paul Scheer]

But we come from a world where like, you know, you go like JFK and Clinton, where these men definitely have had affairs and with all sorts of different type of women and they were in much higher power.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, see, at one point I was thinking, you know, he didn't actually have physical affairs with these women.

[Paul Scheer]

Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

However, this for some reason feels more like he's like a flasher.

[Paul Scheer]

It's creepier.

[Allison Rosen]

It's creepier.

[Paul Scheer]

If you said he slept with a woman, it would be like, oh, that's a bad thing. But sexting is like, ew, it's gross.

[Brian Bishop]

It seems like, well, it's all of the sort of potential negative baggage of an affair without the cum shot.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, right.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's like, I'm gonna risk it all for nothing. If that's what I don't. That's what I'm expecting.

[Allison Rosen]

It suggests that what he gets off on is this virtual sex.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So for me, couple things, you know, guys can. First off, I'm starting to realize that being a mayor or governor, lieutenant governor, even the president, starting to realize. I don't think there's that Much involved with the gig anymore. Like, I just feel like all these guys are doing is either campaigning, playing golf, visiting another country, going to a funeral, hanging out with Ambassador. And it just. I think we're at the point where the country just sort of runs itself. I mean, Los Angeles had a semi retarded mayor for like 11 years. And it just kind of ran like, it just kind of. Does anyone think the mayor of Los Angeles was out, like, burning the midnight oil, drafting up documents and legislation?

[Paul Scheer]

All you do is cross your fingers that no natural disaster happens. And that's it. The only time when you are really tested as, like a mayor.

[Brian Bishop]

Cause the rest of the time he's fucking a reporter or he's out of the country or whatever he is. I mean, literally, our mayor worked like 14% of the time. Like, he worked like an hour and 11 minutes a day.

[Allison Rosen]

He's generous.

[Paul Scheer]

The LA mayor one time was at an event and he came out and his opening line was. And very sincerely, like, this is very important to me tonight. I actually did not go and work out. I normally work out. And I came here instead because you mean that much to me. I was like, wait. And it was not a joke. It was like he was being sincerely, like, you're telling me that you came to this event and you didn't work out today?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, that's so my feeling is a. I don't know how much we need these guys. I know good mayors can make a difference, but I think everyone else just kind of. It's like, I'm gonna put this ship on autopilot. You sit up here and try not to get drunk, and we'll see if we can get through this. And so that's one side, the other side. The decision making in impulse control scares me a little bit. Like Clinton and to some degree, and for sure, like with the Kennedy situation, in the Kennedy era was understood. That's what you did. You're almost an outsider. If you weren't banging an intern, number one, you'd be frowned upon with the press when you guys went out for high balls after that. And so there was an element of. He knew he could get away with it, so thus he did. Now you have to know you're not gonna get away with it. And you have to sort of. It's like back in the day when a guy would rob a bank and a cop car would come behind him in the 30s and the banjo music would fire up and he'd turn down the dirt road. You're like, oh, that guy's trying to outrun that cop. Like, okay, now there's a helicopter in the air and there's a guy talking to a guy that's five cities in front of you and he's putting out a tax strip and stuff. Now if you run from the cops, you're fucking nuts. Because there's just no possible way because there's a helicopter and there's a radio. So technology's basically said you can't unrun. So back then when the guy would run from the cop, I'd go, eh, maybe he can make it. Yeah. Now I go, he's insane, right?

[Paul Scheer]

He'll get caught.

[Brian Bishop]

So when Kennedy fucks an intern, I go, huh, maybe he can get away with it. When Wiener is texting pictures of his cock, you're like, well, now he's insane. Yeah. And doing it again.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Paul Scheer]

Like that's the thing that's the most upset.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh yeah. Because he was leading in the polls, I think that people were willing to give him another chance. It's just now it's like, I don't know, I mean, do you. It does seem self destructive. And Sidney Leathers, who's the woman with whom he was sexting most recently, she gave an interview and she said that he didn't really seem to be going that far to protect himself. He had asked him Slithers.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, I want a reality show between his wife, Weiner, Wiener's wife and Huma.

[Brian Bishop]

Huma.

[Paul Scheer]

What is that house? Like, what is going on there? That is a tense environment.

[Allison Rosen]

In that press conference. She looked like she wanted to kill him. Even though she's saying she's.

[Paul Scheer]

Did she look like she wanted to kill him six months ago when he did it the last time or whenever it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, here's, here's the reality show. We get her together with shit. Remember that teacher that was getting it on with her like 15 year old.

[Allison Rosen]

Son, Mary Kay Letourneau.

[Brian Bishop]

Mary Kay Letourneau? Yeah. We get like Mary Kay Letourneau's. No, her husband.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh yeah, that's a good one. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Because that motherfucker had to move to Alaska. Like you literally living in this town with your four kids and your wife is dating the 14 year old Samoan kid. And then they're like, then she goes to jail. Then she like gets out and goes, I'm still, we're still getting back together and stuff. Like you have to move the humiliation factor on, the cuckolding that's going on is off.

[Allison Rosen]

The fucking up with the cuckolds.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Because if you're in the same town, you're gonna run into those two going to, like, Chuck E. Cheese on a date.

[Paul Scheer]

I always think about, like, what happens to those people on YouTube that have, like, the. Like, those memes that go on, like, the Grape Stomp lady or something like that. Like, the Grape Stomp lady cannot be hired again. Like, you know, she just went down, fell off that bottle of grapes. If you Google that person, like, oh, that's it. My career is over. You have to go to Alaska.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, the guy I feel sorry for is the guy who bangs the Grape Stomp lady, you know, after she's recovered fully. But he's just banging away and he's. Paul's deep and he's going hard, and she's like, it's okay. And nothing feels good. It feels good, but I don't hear anything coming out of you. Like, I told you, it felt good.

[Adam Carolla]

I've done this before, and I usually.

[Brian Bishop]

Saw the YouTube thing of you just fucking squealing for 20 minutes straight. Yeah, no, it feels good. I said it felt good. Nothing. Let me speed up a little bit. Yeah, now I'm starting to chafe. But no, no noise, never, never will.

[Paul Scheer]

Give you that Grape Stomp reaction you want.

[Brian Bishop]

I want that Grape Stomp reaction as the next guy has sex with. That's what you fucking want.

[Allison Rosen]

So I went on Geraldo last night. There was a panel to talk about the wiener thing, and it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, I heard. I think somebody.

[Paul Scheer]

Did you check out his pecs, Geraldo? Didn't he take that picture?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, he did. And I didn't say. I kept wondering, like, can I mention this? It seems apropos.

[Paul Scheer]

He took the picture of himself.

[Allison Rosen]

He really did. He took it down, though. There's the photo. I don't know if you saw this. Geraldo tweeted a photo of himself, beat off to it. Same.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't like that when it gets so dangerously close to crotch. Like when you start to see where the last.

[Allison Rosen]

We know a lot about his grooming right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Said 70s. I had no idea he was 70. 70 is the new 50. Then he took it down, but he said that he'd had too much tequila. That's why he took it down.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like he's been annoying people for a long time. I mean, like, the vault. Al Capone's vault. Oh, I remember watching that. That was like, 25 years ago.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, right? He did that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I ran into him. It was a weird thing, but talking about wives and sexting and all that kind of stuff. I did the Tonight show when he was on the Tonight show, and I think he said to me, like, hey, how's Dancing with the Stars? Or something? And I said, yeah, it's fine. You know, kind of a pain in the ass, but it's interesting, you know? And he said, yeah, Wife won't let me do it. I was like, why don't you wife? You want to do it once you. No, she thinks I'll get caught up with one of the ladies or something. And it kind of gave me like, she may be right. He just.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically, he's like, double secret probation.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. He just sort of said, there's no way I'm going to groan, grind on some hot blonde's hip for five hours a day without something happening. Like, I'm a man of passion. Like, this is.

[Paul Scheer]

He should run for New York mayor.

[Brian Bishop]

He has impulse. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's so interesting. I'm realizing that because every time I. Almost. Every time I've done Geraldo, it's been to talk about some kind of sex scandal.

[Brian Bishop]

He's got it bad for you, baby. There's some guys that are wired, and I'm guessing Geraldo is in a way that's like, if you're gonna come up and grind your pelvis against them for four and a half hours a day, shit's gonna go down. Yeah, that's just how they are. That's. That they're passion infused. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

So anyway, let me tell you about the most surreal experience ever. It was me, Marion Barry, who was there to talk about, you know, being a disgraced politician. Gail Haggard, wife of Pastor Ted Haggard. Remember him? And then this woman who was from, like, a Family Values Council place. Anyway, Marion Barry says that he never smoked crack. It was a plot against him.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah. He never has admitted to that. And that's something.

[Brian Bishop]

There's proof.

[Paul Scheer]

There is pictures, videotape.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

No, he says that they never proved what was in that pipe.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, what else do you smoke in that?

[Allison Rosen]

What else do you smoke? Yeah. So then Geraldo's like, well, so what did you think you were smoking? What did you think? Did you think you bought? And then. Anyway, so that was insane.

[Adam Carolla]

It could have been something else in that light bulb.

[Allison Rosen]

That whole thing took a turn that I don't think anyone was expecting it to. And then Gail Haggard said that her husband wasn't really homosexual. So that also took another turn. So I think that those four people didn't quite do what the producers were. Well, yeah, they didn't well, the two of them didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

But also. Hold on, was it Marion Barry who was the crack smoker? Yeah, but the part where he invited the hooker up to the room to just chill, that part he doesn't deny. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

He didn't say she was a hooker, but he said that she brought some powder cocaine. That's like.

[Brian Bishop]

Powder.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Evidently it's rare that you hear people making the distinction by calling it powder cocaine.

[Brian Bishop]

He still. He got reelected, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

He went back.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. He was the mayor for a while longer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right. It worked for him. We don't judge. It's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Apparently not.

[Allison Rosen]

I decided to feel like this.

[Paul Scheer]

But don't you think, and this is maybe too lofty of a topic, but as our society keeps on going forward and everything is revealed, you cannot be this puritanical person that everybody wants you to be when you're running for office now. Like, there is dirt on every one of them. Us at a certain level.

[Allison Rosen]

See, that's part of why I keep going back and forth about this, because I feel like wieners behavior. So many guys do that. It's not that unusual. But I don't know why I'm kind of revolted by that.

[Brian Bishop]

I think this is what we're. I mean, this is a two parter. One is what they've done in their past. Like, we're now at the point where President Obama says, yeah, I smoked pot back in the day. And everyone goes, yeah, all right. Back in the day. Like, cool. So first off, there's the back in the day. And I think we're all pretty past the back in the day part. Whatever you did in college, whatever drugs, even if you had a first marriage and went bad and you got caught your cock in the cocky jar, you're fine. Well, it's the impulse control and the what we don't like. Here's what we don't like. We don't like being yanked around. It's weird, this whole thing of like, well, we're not comfortable with gay people. No, we're not comfortable with people we think are gay who won't tell us they're gay. And then once they tell us they're gay, we don't care anymore. Like Lance Bass. Like, we're uncomfortable with Lance Bass because we're like, isn't that guy gay? I swear he's gay. He's fucking me up. And then at a certain point he goes, I'm gay. And then we all go, oh, okay. And then we leave it alone. Like, it never comes up Again, no one brings up Lance Bass. His name anymore. Like, there's no. We're done. Okay, good. We've checked that box. We're moving forward now. So what fucks with us is kind of being. We don't like getting yanked around. And if a guy says, look, I fucked up. I'm sorry, I'm. Whatever, we'll move on from that when he comes back for round two. That's what fucks us.

[Paul Scheer]

He should just have come out and said, hey, look, I have a problem with sexting, and I'm gonna continue to do it, but I'm a good mayor, and here's some. You have it as part of your plan. And I will sext. Just get it out there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Strong on sexting.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, I cut a PSA on sexting and driving that I'd like to share with not only you, but your children as well. I'm gonna turn this fucking lemon into lemonade. Like, hi, I'm Anthony Weiner. Okay. Not Wiener Weiner.

[Adam Carolla]

Anthony, can you sit for the script, please? I mean, just. This is about sexting. It's not really about your. Your name. We could just say your name. People know who you are.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, here we get to. I was just kind of. I just wanted the beats. Hi, I'm Anthony Weiner. And while, you know, my passion is sexting, I never, ever do it from behind the wheel. I'm always in the passenger seat while my wife drives. Oh, wait a minute. We should probably fix that if you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. We'll fix it in post.

[Brian Bishop]

I got one on auto erotic asphyxiation, too, if you want me to hit that, too.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Marion Barry's coming in next.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. He can do that. That. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, Mary and Barry, about the. I don't do crack, only powdered cocaine.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. These are not street walkers. These are. These are call girls. There is a difference, people.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you want to do that one?

[Paul Scheer]

The street walkers versus call girls or the powder cocaine?

[Brian Bishop]

Powder cocaine versus Cray?

[Paul Scheer]

I don't know that much.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta do a black fold. Yeah, sorry.

[Paul Scheer]

I know now. Hi, I'm Mayor. I'm Mayor Marion Barry. I don't ever smoke crack in office, but when. Oh, wait, I'm messing it up.

[Brian Bishop]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what we have. Tapeworm. Mayor.

[Paul Scheer]

I'll do it one more time.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, former mayor.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm having such a hard time because I never even smoked this crack. So I don't even know what this is about. But anyway, I'll do this ad. Crack cocaine is terrible. And that's why when I do a drug of choice, it will be cocaine powder.

[Brian Bishop]

Cocaine powder.

[Paul Scheer]

The easier, nicer crack.

[Brian Bishop]

Marion?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

From the booth. Yeah. Can we say powdered cocaine? Cocaine powder sounds like something you'd sprinkle over cereal or put in a drink.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Paul Scheer]

You want me to go about cocaine powder?

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Paul Scheer]

I just feel like I kind of wanted to make it. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'll do powder cocaine.

[Paul Scheer]

Powder cocaine.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

That also sounds like powdered milk. So either way.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Yeah, we got to go to lunch soon.

[Paul Scheer]

Hold on one second. Okay, I'm ready to go now.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we're done with the PSAs. What else we got?

[Allison Rosen]

One more thing. I just wonder why these. I can't think of one example of the wife of a disgraced politician leaving him close to when the scandal happens. Why do they stay?

[Brian Bishop]

I think. Well, first off, I think they. I think they think there's a chance at redemption for their husband. I think part of it is a business decision, like Hillary Clinton, for sure. And a lot of people are in a position where their husband is a business. This is a gig, and you got bills and things like that. So I think some of it is kind of a business decision. The other part is a weird sort of pressure to act like you're devoted when you're really pissed.

[Paul Scheer]

I also think there's an element of, like, shock involved. Like, it's the same reason why everyone signs those releases on prank shows. They're like, what's going on? Okay. Yeah. And they sign it right away. They're like, all of a sudden, like, this scandal's broke. They're on a stage, they're talking to people. They don't have a time to go, like, wait, what is he doing?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Paul Scheer]

Their life is not in a normal space for that moment. Although Maria Shriver got out quick with Schwarzenegger. She was like, he had that thing break. And then she was like, gun.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

She was the only one who. I think. But, I mean, that's been. After years of Schwarzenegger.

[Allison Rosen]

They weren't already separated, Didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, maybe she.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought she pulled out right when that thing got announced about the.

[Brian Bishop]

He should have pulled out. She was like, but maybe we can figure that out. Also, she may be privy to things that we're not privy to, I'm assuming long before we're privy to them. So she may have found out about this if she didn't. Did pull out eight months ago or eight months before the scandal. She may have known. Eight months before the scandal, radio personality.

[Allison Rosen]

David Kidd Craddock died. A lot of people.

[Adam Carolla]

He was in Dallas or something, Right. Christie was broken up about. She used to live in Dallas. I love that guy. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

A lot of people on Twitter have been really broken up over it. I was not familiar with him, but I feel like I'm in the minority here.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a lot of kids out there, but. Yeah. What happened to him?

[Allison Rosen]

He died at a charity golf event. It was his charity, Kids. Kids Charity. The official cause of death has not come out, but people are saying that it was a brain aneurysm.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

When he was 53, were there a lot of.

[Paul Scheer]

I imagine there are a lot of kids at that golf charity, too. Well, that would be a really frightening thing to see as a child.

[Allison Rosen]

And yet many quote, saying he died doing what he loved.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, as far as the obit goes, you know, on top of the hooker when he had the heart attack is not quite as good as doing a kid's charity and trying to raise money for kids. So God bless him. He's gonna be missed by. No, wait a minute. Where'd Christy live?

[Adam Carolla]

Christie lived for a year and a half or two years in Dallas. She worked out there. She worked out there. And she knew who this guy was. She, like, read it on Facebook. Oh, my God, I love that guy. And he was a decent.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Kid Craddock in the Morning. The show is heard on more than 75 top 40 and hot AC radio stations.

[Brian Bishop]

Maria Shrivers, by the way, lawyer, was hired before the scandal went public. So she was. But we don't know if she. You gotta figure she knew something.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, there was. I remember they did a whole, like, magazine one time devoted to Schwarzenegger sex stories. Like, everyone who had worked with him. And just like that, he would just. I mean, the one story I remember, I read it when I was a little kid, and it burnt into my brain is that some PA was trying to get him out of his trailer. And they opened the door and he was going down on this girl. And he turned to them and he said, eating's not cheating. And that was the story. And then, like, the next month, like, Linda Hamilton wrote this.

[Brian Bishop]

That's another psa. Wow. You should do license plate frames.

[Paul Scheer]

And then Linda Hamilton, the next month in, like, Premier magazine, wrote, like, a huge article. Like, he's my friend, and he's never like, he's not like this. But the whole magazine was just like, 12, 15 different people going, oh, yeah, yeah. No. Yep, yep, yep.

[Brian Bishop]

What? You know, let me. Man, I'm gonna have to rethink my approach to this. But it's like, there's a mayor in San Diego who's in a bunch of trouble for stuff, and it's a lot of like. Well, well, we're having a meeting on property taxes, and then we had a follow up meeting on parking and subterranean parking. But anyway, it was about 11 in the morning. He called me into the office before anyone else came in, and then he grabbed my boob. And I'm like, what's the batting average on you getting your dick sucked after that move? You know what I mean? And if it is high, please tell me. It's. I just don't feel like there's a. I don't feel like there's a scenario where a chick could just come in, I could just start grabbing her ass and she'd be like, oh, fuck, that feels so good. What about the thing? The way you grab my boob? Especially in the morning, especially when you're 42 years older than me. Like, has that ever worked?

[Paul Scheer]

Well, that's what. It's so weird. Like, the Clarence Thomas thing. I mean, again, here's a Supreme court judge, like, didn't he say, like, that's my pubic hair on your can of coke? Like, is that gonna turn anyone on? Like, that is not a turn on. Like, ooh, I want to see more of that pubic hair now. Like, what is that?

[Brian Bishop]

No, like, understand these.

[Allison Rosen]

That's creepy.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody's been working out. You really. You really look great. And then there's. We're doing a charity dinner tonight, and if you want to come by and have a drink, you know that. Like, that I understand the. I'm just gonna grab your titty real quick. While we're standing in a hallway, is there ever part where she's like, oh, what about the other nipples? So lonely, so lonely Misses your caress like, yeah, it makes no sense. It's. Dudes.

[Allison Rosen]

Are they delusional? Like, do they think the women are just dying to be groped by them?

[Brian Bishop]

Everybody. And it's a big problem. I think you. Whatever it is you look at in life, you cannot take the fact that other people don't see it through your prism. So if somebody says, hey, man, ever been to that place cut and had that Kobe beef? And you go, you've had that. And you're like, oh, my God, it's unbelievable. You can't fathom somebody going, eh, not thanks, but no thanks. Like, not for Me? Not for me. You just. You do it with movies where you go, that was a fucking great movie, man. And the person goes, I didn't like it. And you go, what's wrong with it? Right? So you're like, as a dude, I think your fantasy is just to be standing in some place of business and get yanked off by some chick, you know, you wouldn't do anything about it or do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it. That's the fantasy.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the fantasy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantasy.

[Brian Bishop]

So the notion of you then approach a woman like you would like to be approached. You know what I'm thinking about right now, don't you? Thank God my kids are here. It slows me down a little bit. I'm saying. It's like. A lot of dudes take their sexuality and kind of graft it on to women. And there's. I've always said women are like, cast. Guys are like dogs. When men approach women sexually, like, you know, a dog. What I do with my dog is I grab her two paws when she's standing there, my dog Molly's lap. I'll grab her two paws that are furthest away from me, pull them toward me, and flip her on her back like a turtle and just have sex with them. Just fucking. Just pound the shit out of her. Now I'll just start playing bongos on her belly and rubbing around like. And she loves it. But you can't do that shit with a cat, right? Cat's gone. What do you do with the cat? The cat, you sort of put your hand down and the cat sniffs around a little. And then the cat sort of applies its own pressure. And then you sort of lean back a little toward the direction. But what guys will do is they attack the woman like they think they're getting yanked off.

[Paul Scheer]

But again, my gut is that was not the first time he has done it, though, right? Or like, the first time he's ever been like, what made that day then special? Like, I'm gonna grab her boob. Like, what went on in that moment before?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what. Again, I don't know what the batting average is. I don't know that there's ever been any success with the boob grab or just the general grope or the corner.

[Allison Rosen]

I think he, like, grabbed someone's head and tried to kiss her.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Or even, like, I'm gonna force your mouth down toward my groin or something. Like, batting average, zero. Unless now, if you're Schwarzenegger, there's an angle.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, I heard a Bruce I mean, again, this is from a friend of a friend. I heard this story of Bruce Willis pickup line, which is amazing. He says to a woman, eating's not cheating. He goes, what are you doing for sex later? And that's his line, right? And it's like, if that works, then you're in. If it doesn't, then you're out. Move on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Paul Scheer]

That's like. I mean, at least that. But I love anything that's that direct, which is.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's the. Putting the hard and the die hard guy. But that's the die hard guy. That's the guy who looks great in his wife beater, not the guy who's wife. Yeah, personal capital, baby. What's your net worth, huh? You don't know? Stocks, 401k, IRA's bank accounts, all the different sites and the usernames and the passwords. Oh, it's impossible. Impossible. I don't even. All, like I said, all the passwords. I. My ATM card just has my number written on the back. I can't. I can't take anyone. Shrewd more. It. Shrewd is what it is. Not with personal capital. You just sign up for personalcapital.com Adam. Or you can click the personal capital banner at Adamcroll.com you can see all your assets on the screen. You can do it on your phone, you can do it on your tablet, do it on your computer, whatever it is. You can see the money coming in, the money coming out. It's really. It's a brilliant, brilliant app. The graphics are unbelievable. And they also have expert advisors that can help manage your portfolio, starting at just 75%. Far less. You're probably paying now anyway. It takes less than a minute. You can set it up completely free, free of charge. So sign up now. Click the personal capital [e-mail] or go to personalcapital.com Adam, just check it out. Just check it out. It's free. And you will marvel at this technology. All right, let's do one more. What have we got?

[Allison Rosen]

One other sad story. J.J. kale, musician, died. He wrote Cocaine and After Midnight and a bunch of other songs.

[Paul Scheer]

Did he write powdered cocaine or just cocaine?

[Allison Rosen]

He wrote both. Both the bookends. Yeah, he wrote music. A lot of people covered his songs. He never really became as famous as the people who covered his songs.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I think I wrote about it in my book in 50 years wall be Chicks. I hate the song Cocaine. I love After Midnight. I hate cocaine. I mean, it's super ironic. That there's a song called Cocaine where it's like, she don't lie, she don't lie. It should be called the Ether Rag.

[Allison Rosen]

Or Quaalude or Slow Sliding to Death.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Like it's cocaine, but it's the slowest, most repetitive fucking. It should be called Molasses.

[Paul Scheer]

It should be a. It should be a speed metal song. A Cocaine.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right, right.

[Allison Rosen]

A 20 second song.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. It never ends. It's really not a good song. It's. And it's also weird that we were able to do these sort of like homages to Booger Sugar. You have it Gary in there. It's weird. We have weird society, isn't it? Like we. That was 10 minutes after, you know, Ed Sullivan is like telling the Rolling Stones like, let's not say let's spend the night together. Let's say let's spend some time together. But he's doing a 20 minute. Sorry, what do you got? Alright, Cocaine by Eric Clapton. Super slow and super repetitive. This song should be called Quaalude or Ether Rag. It's also ironic that just a few short years after Ed Sullivan told Mick Jagger to change the lyrics from let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Spend Some Time Together.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember exactly what I said to let's spend some time Together and told Jim.

[Paul Scheer]

Morrison not to say girl, we couldn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Get get much higher.

[Adam Carolla]

Eric Clapton is allowed to do a.

[Brian Bishop]

15 minute homage to Booger Sugar. It never fucking ends, this song.

[Paul Scheer]

We don't even have anything like that now. I guess the closest was like Lil Wayne singing about syrup, right? Yeah. I think that's the only thing that we have now. And that's not cool to listen to at least. I mean, I guess, I don't know. Cocaine at least sounds cooler than drinking like codeine syrup.

[Adam Carolla]

Purple drank.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, Purple drank.

[Brian Bishop]

She don't lie, she don't lie she don't lie Feel like, feel like she does a little bit.

[Paul Scheer]

Cocaine is not a friend of anyone. She doesn't lie but she'll make you lie.

[Adam Carolla]

In high school, had this really sanctimonious teacher as a music teacher. And one day he decided to tell us all it was music education or whatever. He's like my band, the band that I'm in outside of school. We won't play the song. We decided as a band not to play the song Cocaine because it glorifies you.

[Paul Scheer]

Shut the fuck up.

[Adam Carolla]

You're in a rock band, dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Quote unquote.

[Allison Rosen]

You have to look him up and find out what he's doing.

[Brian Bishop]

Now he Listens podcast after midnight, though I do stand by. That's one of my favorite Clapton songs. All right, so he'll be missed.

[Allison Rosen]

Heart attack. He was 74.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like for a guy wrote a song about cocaine in his from 1972, he had a pretty fucking good run.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, he did it up. Probably bought a lot of cocaine with that, by the way. That's a great writing process. Like him just going, what am I going to write about? About cocaine. Here we go. He wrote, you had to get inspired by that and then not toss that away and not be like, why am I writing this 15 minute song about cocaine?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he definitely had to. Either he had to be wanting some cocaine at that time. Right.

[Paul Scheer]

Or he just snorted cocaine. He's like, I'm writing a song now. Doesn't lie to me. And then just keep on going for 15 minutes. It's like, I did it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I feel like I'd write one called Hungarian food. You know, like I'm sitting around just wanting some good Hungarian food. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

This one's called you porn and Hungarian food.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Bring it home, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

What's the news? I'm Allison Rosen. Tip it, cunt. Kids outside still.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, yes. DraftKings. My listeners are [e-mail] one day fantasy sports. You have a bad outing, you're back the next day, and it's like a new season every time you play.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, it's daily fantasy sports. So Paul and I could draft our own teams for that day, playing against each other for, like, cash prizes. And then if one of us loses, big deal. Play again the next day.

[Brian Bishop]

I love that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's fun.

[Paul Scheer]

So you don't have to get committed to a whole team.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because we've all been in fantasy leagues or what falls in a show called the League about fantasy sports. We've all been in leagues where you suffer a devastating injury in week one.

[Paul Scheer]

Or season one 14 team league, you're screwed.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

This basically, this is a one night stand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. This is a new hot. This is like a new hot hostess at Chili's you bring home every single night. The other ones are like married to the same old one from high school. 28 years and three C sections later, we're still very deeply in love. See what I'm saying?

[Paul Scheer]

This is the Anthony Weiner version of fantasy Weiner.

[Brian Bishop]

Dawson, what'd he say? Right now you can play for free. Yes. Free to win real [e-mail] Enter Adam with your first cash game and get a free shot at a couple hundred bucks to a couple hundred thousand bucks. Just use the Name [e-mail] that's draftkings.com all right, Allison Rosen, your new best friend, Levar Burton. Love me some lavar.

[Allison Rosen]

He's great.

[Brian Bishop]

When he called me at my man show desk and said, quit talking shit about me me, I was like, is this really levar? Yes, it is. I was like, what are you doing? Calling you to tell you to shut the fuck up. And I'm like, how does this work? I was like, in show business for like 10 minutes. I don't know how I made fun of him, but he's the nicest guy in the world.

[Paul Scheer]

He seems like the nicest guy. Like, were you taking a shot at Reading Rainbow? And he got mad.

[Brian Bishop]

I really have no recollection of all the horrible things I say about all the people around me. But when you're killing a couple hours on radio every night, you know, 10 words leave your mouth that can make other people unhappy. And usually they just keep driving. But once in a while they call you at your desk and you go like, you got your secretary going, Levar Burton's on line three. Put him on.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, if you need more Levar, you can hear him on my show. New episodes every Monday and Thursday. For more Info, go to AllisonRosen.com that's.

[Brian Bishop]

What I was about to say. And again, me and Bill Simmons and Jay Moore, you can find us all at the wheel turn coming up on the third. And until next time, Ah, Paul Scheer. By the way, Hell Baby. Available now on video on demand.

[Paul Scheer]

And I can even tell you about my show. I have a new Adult swim show or third season of it, just started this week. It's called NTSFSDSUV. It's every Thursday night at 12:15 right after Children's.

[Brian Bishop]

The website Paulshear.com is where you go and find out the all the information and look for me on his podcasts and yeah. So until next time, Adam Crowley for Paul share. Allison Rosen and Ball Bryan saying mahalo, everybody. Get yourself in a nice daisy chain and each other because I don't give a.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that was adam Carla show 1130.

[Brian Bishop]

That does it for Ace Carl Classics.

[Adam Carolla]

Make sure to tune tomorrow for new installment. Until then, model and get it on.