Phoebe Robinson + Tom Arnold (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Carolla Classics: Phoebe Robinson + Tom Arnold

Date: March 8, 2026
Episode Theme:
A special Carolla Classics compilation, featuring two standout past interviews: first, a deeply personal, brutally honest, and at times darkly comedic conversation between Adam Carolla and Tom Arnold (from 2016), and second, an energetic, witty chat with comedian, author, and podcaster Phoebe Robinson (also 2016). The episode showcases Carolla’s trademark blend of unfiltered humor, pop culture banter, candid explorations of trauma and addiction, and tales of the comedy grind.

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Tom Arnold Segment – Trauma, Sobriety, and Hollywood Madness

[01:10–68:48]

Main Topics:

• Tom Arnold’s journey through addiction, childhood trauma, Hollywood, and his famous marriage to Roseanne Barr.
• Facing the demons of his past, including confronting his childhood abuser.
• Insights into the chaos of newfound fame, the addict’s “energy,” and the struggle to achieve closure.
• Family tragedy, generational trauma, and gun legislation advocacy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tom’s Open-Book Approach and Comedy Origins

• Adam admires Tom’s relentless honesty:

  “I always look forward to interviewing Tom Arnold because he’s funny but so forthright. Such a crazy open book.” ([01:23])

• Tom confesses his transparency stems from being the “butt of the joke” due to marrying Roseanne, and from wanting to control his own story.

The ‘Roseanne’ Years, Hollywood, and Trauma

• Comparing Tom & Roseanne’s rise to sudden fame to “bumpkins” being handed “the keys to the city,” and unlimited resources.
• Tom describes his imposter syndrome and writer’s room struggles, how working for Roseanne forced him to be funny, and what it was like being an outsider among male writers.
• The backstory of Roseanne’s trauma: raised Mormon in Utah as a Jewish girl, having a daughter at 17 and giving her up for adoption, National Enquirer blackmail.

  “Her thing was, she left a note that when the girl turned 18... she could meet her bio mom. And they told the girl, ‘Hey, your mom’s a famous Jewish woman.’ She thought it was Barbra Streisand…it was Roseanne.” ([15:00])

Addiction, Childhood Abuse, and Confronting Demons

• Tom’s own traumatic upbringing: abandoned by his alcoholic mother, sexually abused by a neighbor at age four, threats and violence:

  “He brought out his gun, and as my father pulled up every day... said, ‘I could blow his head off from here if you ever tell.’” ([24:39])

• On survivor stigma—especially for male victims:

  “There’s enough stigma for a female being molested…for a male, you start weaving in this whole gay narrative. It’s double shame.” ([22:06])

• Tom details tracking down his abuser, years later, to “get ahead of the narrative” and reclaim his story:

  “I want to give you back the pain and shame you caused me as a kid…If you tried to do that to me now, I’d break your fucking neck.” ([45:27])

  • Spent time researching his abuser, finding patterns of serial abuse and working to prevent him from adopting more boys.
• On closure and impact:

  “I need to feel that…Not only have I said it on TV, I’ve done this, I’ve stopped him. Then I felt better about it.” ([53:23])

Family Struggles, Guns, and Generational Pain

• Multiple suicides in Tom’s extended family, including his nephew, whose struggles with mental illness and guns influence Tom’s advocacy for background checks and gun safety.
• On trauma echoing through generations and never fully leaving:

  "It is true. Your childhood is dead." ([18:34])
  “My biggest fear is holding on to what I have…having everything you ever dreamed of and now I've got to hold on to it for 20 years.” ([56:31])

Hollywood, Money, and Attic’s Mentality

• Adam and Tom riff on money’s transience in entertainment, the “addict’s energy,” and hustling while fearing it all vanishes.
• Tom debunks rumors about Roseanne divorce settlements, discusses doing stand-up for the love (and sobriety) of it, and jokes about billionaires’ “dick-licking” job offers:

  “With a family to support, I would do anything. I would do that in a heartbeat.” ([58:14])

Notable Quotes

• “If you work at a meat packing plant, you know some just horrible, disgusting things to do to a physical body…” – Tom Arnold, ([11:11])
• “Molestation is the gift that keeps giving. It just never…it never stops.” – Adam Carolla, ([18:26])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:10] Adam welcomes Tom Arnold, discusses his openness.
• [03:32] Tom on small-town roots, sudden fame, writing for Roseanne.
• [05:16] Roseanne’s background, trauma, and acting career.
• [07:08] Tom acting as Roseanne’s “enforcer” in Hollywood.
• [12:19] Tom’s family tragedy, gun violence, advocacy.
• [17:31] Adam and Tom on trauma’s lifelong impact.
• [24:39] Tom’s vivid recounting of abuse and threats.
• [45:27] Tom confronts his abuser as an adult.
• [62:00+] Comic riffs on money, show business, and living with addict’s anxiety.

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Phoebe Robinson Segment – Stand-Up Grind, TV, and Identity

[69:20–131:41]

Main Topics:

• Phoebe Robinson’s path from Midwest upbringing, indie film assistant, to stand-up, bestselling author, and co-host of the hit podcast 2 Dope Queens.
• The realities and unglamorous side of the comedy hustle.
• Navigating identity as a Black woman in predominantly white spaces.
• Dating, relationships, and the strange rules of romance and comedy.
• Carolla's brand of comedic banter on modern life, relationships, and cultural change.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Phoebe’s Comedy Origin

• Starts as a film student, transitions into writing, then stand-up after taking a class at Caroline’s in NYC.
• The 'stand-up class'—a rare confession in the comedy world—put her ahead fast:

  “You really just learn how to stand on stage. ...It ended up being, you really just learn how to stand on a stage.” ([101:37])

• Moves to New York, hustling at open mics, temp jobs, and surviving on severance.

Life in New York & Facing Setbacks

• Gets laid off from indie film job:

  “I was so rich. I…went to West Elm and CB2…then it took me a year to get a full-time job.” ([107:29])

• Working odd gigs (packing eyeshadow for Fashion Week; “they don't eat there”), writing, and building her act.

Identity, Virginity, and Dating

• Talks candidly about being a late bloomer, not losing her virginity until 24:

  “I tried to give it out, Adam, like expired Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. Nobody wanted it.” ([110:37])

• Navigating being the only Black girl in her grade at a white high school.
• More confidence via comedy leads to new romantic adventures.

Moving In, Breaking Up, and Romantic Comedy

• Describes moving out after a breakup, balancing the emotional fallout with the practical challenge in NYC:

  “Trying to pack as though I'm not moving out…that felt horrible. This is my first move out.” ([118:48])

The Comedy Hustle, Relationships, and Race

• Adam and Phoebe debate the “fetish” aspect of dating—especially when people only date women of a certain ethnicity.
• Phoebe on what she seeks in a partner: prefers older, grown men with a job and a headboard.
• Light-hearted flirting over profiles of eligible men (Vinny Tortorich cameo), and candid talk about sexuality, comedy, and negotiating relationships.

Modern Award Shows, Cultural Change, and Comedy**

• Discussion of how high school superlatives have changed, and the inability to give out awards like “Best Physique” or “Best Hair” in today’s climate.

Notable Quotes

• “I want to have my own empire. My own black lady empire.” – Phoebe Robinson, ([104:21])
• “It's kind of like eating Styrofoam, but as long as we're eating Styrofoam, let's enjoy it with ruffles.” – Phoebe, on airline snacks, ([109:16])
• “24 is about as old as losing virginity…that we've had in here in a while.” – Adam Carolla, ([127:02])
• “I have a rich tradition of disappointing women since 1981.” – Adam Carolla, ([128:00])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [99:23] Phoebe Robinson introduced, discusses stand-up beginnings.
• [104:19] Life after layoff—survival and temp jobs in NYC.
• [110:35] Candid virginity/dating talk.
• [118:24] Breakup and moving out logistics.
• [120:19] Racial politics and dating “types.”
• [124:41] What Phoebe’s looking for in a partner.
• [127:11] Adam and Phoebe’s banter on losing virginity.

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Bonus: Political Satire & Pop Culture Round Table

[145:13–177:54]

• The panel digests the Trump "Access Hollywood" tape scandal, SNL skits, and debate culture, all in Carolla’s irreverent style.
• Critique of media cycles, performative outrage, and the realities of "locker room talk."
• Reflections on generational shifts in what’s acceptable, cancel culture, and the double-standards in modern scandals.

Notable Moment:

“The part where he says ‘grab her by the—’ not scary to me. The part where he can’t foresee this coming and prepare for it…is the easiest. Just, here’s your two paragraph answer. Commit it to memory and spit this out.” – Adam Carolla on Trump’s lack of preparedness. ([155:53])

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Overall Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Raw, sometimes dark but ultimately comedic and cathartic discussions of real trauma, balanced with Carolla’s irreverent pop-culture wit.
• Deep dives into what drives people—whether addicts, survivors, or comedians drawn to New York—with a focus on honesty and resilience.
• The comedy grind, relationships, and identity politics all come in for the signature Carolla treatment: blunt, occasionally cranky, but always insightful and funny.

A must-hear for fans of behind-the-scenes Hollywood tales, comedy journeys, and candid explorations of tough subjects with a humorous touch.

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For stand-out moments, revisit:

• Tom Arnold’s confrontation with his abuser: [45:27–50:50]
• Phoebe Robinson’s comedy origin and open talk about relationships: [100:14–125:19]
• Adam & Tom riff on fame, Hollywood, and being “running scared”: [62:00+]
• Political debate breakdown and SNL parody: [145:13–150:15]

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Tom Arnold]

could be living in.

[Adam Carolla]

Really envision yourself in your new home with Apartments.com, the place to find a place.

[Gina Grad]

Welcome to Corolla Classics.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Tom Arnold]

This is the podcast.

[Gina Grad]

We play the best moments, highlights and

[Adam Carolla]

fans selected clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics.

[Tom Arnold]

Check out podcast one there you'll find

[Adam Carolla]

the ad free archives and access the

[Tom Arnold]

ad free archives of the Adam Carolla

[Adam Carolla]

show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show,

[Tom Arnold]

as well as the podcast Beat It Out.

[Gina Grad]

Make sure to check out Adam Corolla substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com

[Tom Arnold]

all right, let's get to the clips coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

First we have Adam Crawler Show 1885

[Gina Grad]

Tom Arnold from 2016.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the church, get it on mandate, get it on. And welcome the program Tom Arnold.

[Tom Arnold]

Amen.

[Adam Carolla]

Here, one on one.

[Tom Arnold]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Love Tom Arnold. He's got himself a podcast called 100% honest. Pretty much I was thinking about Tom and thought, oh, I always look forward to interviewing Tom Arnold because he's funny but he's so forthright. Such a crazy open book. And I don't know if that's something that's always been part of your life or now part of sobriety or what.

[Tom Arnold]

No, it's part, I think when you start and then you're famous, particularly in my case for being with a famous person, there's a lot of jokes at your expense and. And you're like, oh, I want to make those jokes before the other guys do, or I want to tell the stories first. And then, you know, it's such a crazy relationship that there's a lot of crazy stories. And I thought, I'm going to set the bar high. I'm going to tell the crazy stories about myself. I'm going to. No one's going to have anything to hold over my head. I'm going to talk about being arrested and all this stuff. And then you realize I've said I have to continue this.

[Adam Carolla]

Who at the height of the craziness. Yes. Who was crazier? You Or Roseanne.

[Tom Arnold]

Well, I think I was crazier. Like a man crazy. Like we, you know, I was a husband. So where I come from, when you're the husband, you're. You're like, if your wife says get a bunny.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Tom Arnold]

You just get him. Yeah. I mean, you don't. There's no to go. There's no. You just, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, you guys, I mean, it's crazy because in a weird way, it's like when the guy from the inner city who never met his dad gets awarded a $50 million contract at age 19 and they send him to New York like Daryl Strawberry or Doc Wooden to go. And you're like, how did this go wrong? And it's like when you take a couple of bumpkins.

[Tom Arnold]

Right. Which we were.

[Adam Carolla]

You and Roseanne.

[Tom Arnold]

We were completely.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you were bumpkin.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I'm an erudite. I'm from North Hollywood.

[Tom Arnold]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? But you guys were bumping bumpkin.

[Tom Arnold]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You come to Hollywood, the next thing you know, someone throws you the keys to the city.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And unlimited checking account. How was that? Just like Strawberry and Gooden. How is that not gonna go wrong?

[Tom Arnold]

First of all, I think you watched that documentary. I enjoyed it. Okay, here's the deal. I didn't know what I was doing. The fact that I became a stand up comedian is completely crazy. And I wouldn't do it again. But thank God I was a crazy person. I'd worked for three years a beat packing plant to save money to go to college. I sacrificed so much. And the second I got offered a little job in a standup club, I quit. Cut. I packed myself in a trash bag and quit. Like, that seemed better than working for my uncle at a big broke brokerage.

[Adam Carolla]

You were a Hormel, right?

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, yeah. But I had a job lined up. I had a career. And immediately I just said, screw that. I want to be on TV one time. So people like me, let's.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna go all over the place.

[Tom Arnold]

But I have to say this, it's interesting because with Roseanne, you know, I'm learning to be a writer because I'm writing jokes for her. So I was sort of forced to do that. Like the fact that I didn't think I was funny, she thought I was funny. And as you know, there's nothing sexier than a woman that, you know is funny thinking that you're funny. So you're like, oh, my God, that's, you know, it's on. I remember she was in Atlantic City one time and they had the Miss Universe or Miss World contest or whatever, and she did her act. She was performing at week two wearing just a sash and a bikini. Now picture that, you know, now there's a lot of guys in Atlantic City that were like, that's disgusting. That's, that's. But I was like, that is the bravest shit ever, you know. Plus, I'm from Iowa, so all the women look like that, you know. But I thought, she's got balls, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she does. But how much of it was balls? And then how much of it was pushing back against her past?

[Tom Arnold]

Well, a part of it. But let me tell you, when I came into the show, first of all, she promised I could be the husband. You know, that's a bumpkin thing to do. I didn't know how to act. And then I get in there and they go through the formality of an audition, which I didn't even know how to do. And I see John Goodman and he's a real actor and he's amazing. And I was like, yeah, I think I should be a writer, right? I'll just write. And so I was like, you know, I was very naive. I thought, well, I'll just blend in with the guys and write. And the fact that I was her friend in 1988, men in the writers room, they were, you know, that was, you know, I was ostracized. I was like, I came up with an idea. They like, that's a great idea. Go home and write it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Tom Arnold]

They didn't want me being around to report back. But I said, listen, I, I get it. I worked in a factory. You could say shit about my, my, my friend, the boss, all you want, I' repeat it. That's just, you know, etiquette from working in a factory. You know, everybody gets to bitch about the boss, right? I'm not going to repeat it. Now. The thing I knew was that they had fucked her over. She did not get created by on her own show. So from day one, she was pissed. So, which is. And she was pissed every day since. So I knew that. And I didn't know how to finesse the Hollywood way, but I did know I was a bouncer before, so I had a little experience in that. So we would, when she had a problem with something, I would go up to the main office with these big time people and I would just say, listen, at the end of the day, it's her show. She wins what she wants, wins. And you know, if you don't like it. I'm gonna kick your fucking asses.

[Adam Carolla]

You were like a kind of a white suge knight, right? You're like a sweet and low.

[Tom Arnold]

But, but again, I wish I was learning a way to finesse things differently. But at that time I did not have a way.

[Adam Carolla]

What if, let's just say we could take Tom Arnold's 56 year old sober brain.

[Tom Arnold]

57.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Round down sober brain and put it back into crazy 28 year old Tom Arnold's head.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How would that, how would you been able. But now would you be able to steer Roseanne with your same hair?

[Tom Arnold]

You know, you know I got sober right before we got married. And you know, forget about the sober part.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just say therapy and whatever.

[Tom Arnold]

You know, it was, you know, it was weird because part of getting sober was clearing out the, you know, dealing with all this stuff that you buried and being raped as a child and locked in a box and you know, the shit that I went through by this neighbor that was a Nazi that, you know, all this violence and you know, I dealt with that and I dealt with it by tracking the fucker down. And it's a story, it's dependent, but in my mind it was beginning, middle and end done. That way the fucker couldn't be at Walmart and go, hey, see that famous guy? I fucked him. I wanted to get that jump on him.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's talk about done. Because there's, you know, you have the guys I know who are addicts or former addicts.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, sober guys, we're always addicts. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what I mean is they, they stop drinking, they stop doing whatever it is they're doing and then they start tapping their foot or drinking too much coffee or cheese, you know what I mean? It's almost an energy. It's a weird, it's a weird thing. I've noticed it again because I've grown up around a few of these guys. My family, they don't have that energy.

[Tom Arnold]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

My wife doesn't have that energy. But I have a buddy Chris who has that energy. Foot's tapping, he's going for a cup of coffee, he's lighting a cigarette. It's a motor, it's an energy kind of motor that you have. And you can steer it toward the light, but it's almost there. It's a sort of addict's energy. And I don't know what that is or how to harness it or what Dr. Drew would call it. But how would you describe it? Because you're that guy who you can be sober, but you'll smoke a Cuban cigar, and then.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's how you quit that. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But what is that energy, and how do we turn that metronome down?

[Tom Arnold]

Well, there's two things.

[Adam Carolla]

Or do we want to.

[Tom Arnold]

Well, you want to be able to use it. You want to be able to access it, right? So. So guys that get completely healthy, you know, I've never been that. I want to be able to access it when I need it. Even the dark stuff, I want to be able to at least go there when I'm writing or when I'm, you know, I want to go to that place. Guys that are completely healthy lose all they don't. Let's say you got to a fight. You wouldn't get into a fight, right. You know, I always think of fights, like the three levels. There's the. They're the, you know, the pushing, the whatever, the whatever. And then there's the, okay, we're going to go back behind the engine hall and we're going to have a, you know, regulated fist fight. And then there's the level three, which is for your life, where all rules are off.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tom Arnold]

Like, you know, and you very seldom get the opportunity to go to level three. So you live your life looking for that opportunity to try all these things in your head that you've been thinking about. And again, if you work at a meat packing plant, you know, some just horrible, disgusting things to do to a physical body.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tom Arnold]

That other people wouldn't know. And you. You can't try that on a human unless they're. They've threatened to kill you, right. So. Or you feel threatened in death or they threatened to kill you.

[Adam Carolla]

We're taking a turn for the macabre.

[Tom Arnold]

No, no, no. But I. I just mean, I think that there's two things Dr. Drew will say this. There's being an addict, and then there's suffering a trauma as. As a kid. And it could be the kids of my heart camp that all of a sudden had to have a heart transplant. They've gone through this certain trauma, and that's sort of always with them. Mine was sexual abuse, and I equate all these weird traumas to things that are with you, and you can deal with them in a certain way, but it's always, you know, it's always in the back of your head. Now, all trauma victims don't become addicts and vice versa, but sometimes you're doubles and you learn. And the roseanne show is a perfect example. Now, she. It just grew with her. Her trauma stuff just explode. Expanded.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, I'll tell you what, and by the way, Tom's doing some live dates I should throw out there. Comedy zone, Jacksonville, Florida, that's September 8th through the 11th. And the hilarities in Cleveland, that's the 15th of September through the 18th. And what you can do is go to TomArnoldComedy.com because Tom Arnold's on the road. Tom Arnold's playing.

[Tom Arnold]

There's a bunch.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a bunch of stuff. So go to tomarnoldcomedy.com I want to hit a plug here for a second, but I want you to tease it. I want to know what Roseanne's trauma was specifically and then your trauma, which I do know more about but maybe the audience doesn't know about. I'd like to visit both the trauma crime scenes. But first. Yeah. I'd like to tell you about lifelock. Ah, common thieves. They steal your smartphones. Identity thieves take over your mobile accounts and they cash in on your data and they buy phones and they sell them that way. You know, I always said this, Tom. Thieves, criminals, they're essentially lazy, right? They don't want to go to hilarities in Cleveland and do a Thursday show, two Friday, two Saturday and Sunday show and maybe do a little morning radio when the club owner picks them up at 5:30 in front of the hotel. That's work, man. These guys want to make. I always said they would. They don't want to have to go break into your house and steal your stereo, but that's where your stereo is. Identity thieves, they don't have to leave the house, right?

[Tom Arnold]

They're so late. They don't want to have to climb

[Adam Carolla]

to the second floor and risk not a second story, man. They don't have to go up the lattice.

[Tom Arnold]

When I sold stuff, it was hard.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. They sit home in their mom's basement, work with their bunny slippers. Look, it's lifelock. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. But with lifelock, you've got the best out there. And it starts at just $9.99 a month. So everything I get is online and it's just $9.99 a month. Look, it's the cost of doing business these days. You got car insurance? Good. You got a car. Fine. That's fantastic. Now you're shopping online. You need lifelock. Lifelock dawson. Go to lifelock.com or call 1-800-lifelok and use promo code Adam. That's Adam. For 10% off your LifeLok Ultimate plus membership, call 1lifelock, 1-800-lifelock. All right, so, Tom Arnold, let's talk trauma. I know yours. Maybe we should start with Roseanne's. I know a little bit of hers.

[Tom Arnold]

That lifelock thing is a great thing, by the way. If you, if your brain is not, you know, you just. Somebody like me that's had issues, you just need it. Just do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Just do it.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah. Because you're gonna get even your own negligence, you're gonna need it. So done.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So Roseanne, Yeah, she grows up where

[Tom Arnold]

and how she grew up, I think in Utah. She was raised a Mormon. She was Jewish, but raised a Mormon. She was 17 when she got pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption. This is something I did not fight about till much later. We know each other for many years, and I found out about it with the National Enquirer and Anthony Pellicano, private Eye, had threatened her that they were going to reveal it if she did not cooperate on a story. They're going to reveal the birth parents and where this girl ended up. And. And they had already spoken to the girl, and they'd already ruined that. And her thing was, she left the note that when the girl turned 18, if she wanted to meet her biological mother, she could. If she didn't, no problem. And so she. And they told the girl, hey, your biological mother is a famous Jewish woman. And she was like, oh, my God, My. My biological mother is Barbra Streisand. And she was so excited. And then it turned out it was Roseanne. Yeah, but. Because the girl wanted to be a singer. But, you know, there was a lot about Roseanne's life. I learned from her books, and she was a fantastic writer, and she had an interesting life. And then after I, you know, where

[Adam Carolla]

does the abuse come in?

[Tom Arnold]

Well, I sort of matter of factly came out. You know, my. My way of dealing with abuse is let's get on it, let's deal with it, and let's move on. So that every time you hear about abuse, it doesn't take you in a rabbit hole.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tom Arnold]

And a lot of that is helping other abuse survivors. You know, you see these people even in the movie Spotlight, which is a beautiful movie about. Which is a great movie about the Catholic Church. You see the victims, the leaders of these victim groups that are just so damaged, and it makes me so angry. And I see a lot of women comics that every time There's a story in the news I see, I feel just on Facebook and Twitter that they are also letting that affect them. Even though what happened to them happened 20 years ago. And I get angry and I tell them I'm going to protect them, you know, like, like the guy hurt us, let's not give him any more stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's the thing I've always said from doing Loveline for a million years is, you know, other forms of crime affect you that day. And you know, outside of murder, you know, stealing your car, breaking in your house, there's some psychological baggage attached to that. But it doesn't affect you 40 years later.

[Tom Arnold]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't affect you and how you relate to your kids or the world around you. And oftentimes it creates another abuser, right?

[Tom Arnold]

Oh yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So if there was a crime where somebody broke into my house and stole my TV and then my son and me turned into guys who stole TVs because of that, that's a heinous crime.

[Tom Arnold]

Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is the problem. I always said it's like molestation is the gift that keeps giving. It just never, it never stops.

[Tom Arnold]

It's like suicide.

[Adam Carolla]

And then that's why to me it is a form of murder. Because you're murdering the child.

[Tom Arnold]

Right? True. It is true. Your childhood is dead.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's also something that Tom Arnold at 56 or 57 IMDb him.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But still carries around today.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Some 50 years later or 48 years later. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Arnold]

I, I, you know, have a three year old son. The moment my son was born, other things came back like, you know, you know, my thing is I'm pretty good at blocking stuff and, and moving on is my main thing is, you know, people. I have been married four times and I remember the good things. You know, if I sat remember just the bad things or the bad things and the good things, I would be, you know, in a funk because I made so many mistakes and people have said and done things that are just unbelievable. How many?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me ask this. I could have been molested as a youth because I had super low self esteem because of my family structure and situation. I could have been a victim. Quite.

[Tom Arnold]

That's a good setup.

[Adam Carolla]

I laugh in a bizarre way when I think about someone trying to molest my 10 year old daughter because she would punch them and then she would run right back home and yell, start screaming at mommy, start pointing at somebody and you could never get away with it.

[Tom Arnold]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Just because she's so vibrant, she's so

[Tom Arnold]

full of self esteem. You say that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I say that, Yeah. I don't know. But I'm saying.

[Tom Arnold]

But Bill Cosby drugs her drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well then that's later on when she's trying to break into show business and daddy can't do anything for her. But what I'm saying is at this stage, yes, he's a young.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes. It wasn't even talked about when you were young.

[Adam Carolla]

You would have an impossible time doing this to my daughter because she is so full of self esteem and such a firecracker that she would punch the person in the genitals and then she'd tell everyone around her. Right. So something in the Arnold household had to be. And part of it's a societal thing. It's like a Sandusky thing. Like people don't talk about this. It was a point in time and a point in the country, in the middle of the country and all that. But also, was there something going on in your mother, in your childhood?

[Tom Arnold]

I had no mother. I was raised without a mother. And what limited years my mother spent with us, she hired us, gave us out to babysit. Random. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Where was mom?

[Tom Arnold]

She was an alcoholic. She was out partying. She left when I was three. But she put us with a guy that lived across the street. A single guy, 19 year old guy that was just a creepy, you know. And then she. She didn't even tell my dad. She sent us to his house. He's alone and. And sent me to his house. And turned out later I found out a lot of other kids in the neighborhood were also. But they don't talk about it. And it was a gay thing, they thought and they're ashamed of it. So when I came forward, it was hard to. I didn't need them, but I wanted to let them know that I was. That I had their back.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the stigma. There's enough stigma or there was enough to go around with a female being molested with a guy with a male. Even if you're 8 years old being molested now you start weaving in this whole gay narrative.

[Tom Arnold]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And so you have the molestation and the homosexuality thing, which is sort of double shame for whoever the married guy is with the three kids right now age 47. You know what I'm saying? Yes. So that had to just be brutal for you, right?

[Tom Arnold]

It was, you know, it was so confusing at the time. And I remember. And it was violent and, you know, and I think it had to me for it to be, you know. You know, I Was a pretty big kid. He, you know, he was. He had a whole system and he sort of lured me and he was nice to me. He gave me a big candy bar. I don't mean a little candy bar, like a regular candy bar, like a big candy bar. And I've always felt like I could be bought that way. So, you know, he was nice to me. But then it became, you know, his parents would leave and he actually had a room behind a door. I picture it, you know, I've since had the house destroyed.

[Adam Carolla]

You had it, But.

[Tom Arnold]

Oh, yeah. But, you know, but, but I just did it.

[Adam Carolla]

You bought it?

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, yeah. The whole, the whole block is destroyed.

[Adam Carolla]

Forrest Gump.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, the whole. There's no, there's no, there's nothing there where that used to be. But he, but he got me in there. And why do you think you.

[Adam Carolla]

The first time it happened.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do you think you're unable to communicate it with your mother or father?

[Tom Arnold]

Oh, I didn't have any with my mother. There was no. First of all, I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what sex was. First time there was touching I had, you know, I didn't. I knew his body was different than mine. I didn't know what was sex. I didn't know, you know, he forced my hand on. I was like, this is. Why would he want me to do this? And then it rapidly progressed. You know, I knew my mother was. Who knows where she was. I knew my father was working somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

But you didn't feel protected by that, right?

[Tom Arnold]

Oh, no, no. And I also wasn't sure that this wasn't how things go, you know, I was alone and I felt pretty lonely in my life. And as things progressed, as I got a little wiser, as he got more violent or more threatening, he made it clear that he would. He lived at his house.

[Adam Carolla]

What did he threaten you with?

[Tom Arnold]

Well, his house was right above. Looked down on our house. And he brought out his gun. And as my father would pull up every day at the same time, he would aim his rifle at my father and say, you know, I could blow his head off from here. I just want you to know, and I will, if you ever tell anything that happens here. And he knew my father was all I had, right? So, you know, Eddie, he aimed the gun at me many times, but there was a certain point where I'm like, fuck you. And this is a four year old kid. Yeah, shoot me, you shoot me. You know. But then he knew my father. Now, you know, I gotta I gotta figure this out, you know, because he's gonna. He's gonna, you know, kill.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think his parents involvement was in this whole thing?

[Tom Arnold]

I mean, they're very religious, they're creepy, they're stupid, they're. You know, he ends up being the biggest church leader in the area. You know, he ends up adopting only boys. He ends up being a respected businessman, millionaire, successful. You know, until the day that I confronted him. You know, his parents, they have to know that something's weird about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not only do they have to know, but it's sort of like this creep who's showing up at the Hillary Clinton rally whose son just gets done butchering 49 people at a nightclub. And then you just show up and you're happily doing interviews. And it's like, first off, look, nature, nurture, buddy. It's either your seed or your ideals that created this monster. I'm not letting you off the hook that easy. It's not like your son had a few drinks at the Christmas party and there's a DUI and a manslaughter situation. This is. Your son went in and slaughtered a bunch of innocent people. And also in terms of this country and you know, people talk about how dripping with hatred we are, any other country, this guy would be dead. Right? There's no way. The dad walks around with impunity. Hey, let's get a photo op. Hey, let me do an interview. If we did the equivalent of this in your home country, you'd be dead inside that. These are countries where you mistakenly kick a soccer goal for the other team, you get snuffed out. This, the idea that he's able to walk around without a flak jacket and out a security detail and just gave interviews willy nilly and nobody even threatens him says so much about this country.

[Tom Arnold]

John Hinckley's parents, who were Republicans, big supporters, and Reagan came to their defense.

[Adam Carolla]

It's insane.

[Tom Arnold]

You know it is. Leave them alone.

[Adam Carolla]

But see, to me, the parents are never off the hook. No, because as a father of twins, if those kids went and did something heinous, I would not remove myself from the equation. I would internalize it. And as the parents of this monster, I just wonder what they were doing to this kid. Because the only relief or solace or whatever it is you should have for these monsters is usually at some point they were a five year old being molested. And that's oftentimes what created the monster. Right. I don't know if you've ever found out anything about Him. His past.

[Tom Arnold]

And, well, I know that he did it to his old brother.

[Adam Carolla]

He did it to his brother.

[Tom Arnold]

Absolutely. His wife.

[Adam Carolla]

It tells me something inside that house was exquisitely wrong.

[Tom Arnold]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll tell you what I want to hear. You going and confronting this guy because it's a story I haven't heard in 10 years, but I love it. But first, little bit of business. True car, baby. Mmm. Getting a new car, Getting a used car. Tom lost his key. Yeah. To his car.

[Tom Arnold]

And you can't start the car without a key. It's one of those weird things.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a key fob thing. It knows when you're near the car. Yeah, yeah. It's one of these. It is a weird modern day, like first world problem. I was talking on the phone to someone the other day and I was getting some stuff out of my car and it switched over to the car. And then I started to walk away and I realized my was now he was trapped in the car, having a conversation with my seats. I was walking down the driveway. First world problems. Look, you want a new car, you want a used Car, they have 500,000 pre owned vehicles. You can go to TrueCar. They have certified dealers. They're all over the place. Like 11,000 certified dealers. You go online, you go to truecar.com you find out exactly what people are paying for the car. You want apples to apples and lock in your price. Go pick up your car. Chris did it over here, you do it over there. Go to TruCar.com, download the TrueCar app, TrueCar.com and let's download that app. All right, So I asked my business

[Tom Arnold]

manager, I said, what is the one stupidest thing do we do that we don't have to do? And he said, buy brand new cars. It is so stupid. You cannot tell. It is so expensive. It doesn't make any sense.

[Adam Carolla]

I tell everyone, get a.

[Tom Arnold]

It is the stupidest thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Get a car that's 2 years old or 3 years old, got turned in for lease. They're good for kajillion miles these days and save yourself some money. Lock in that price. Or if you want to get a new car. Well, if you get a new car, go to TrueCar.

[Tom Arnold]

Go back to that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so, Tom, tell us that story of you heading back to your hometown to out this guy.

[Tom Arnold]

Right? So get out in 89, go to rehab. Make a list of the people that I have hurt, which was quite a significant list of people. I lied to. The people I've taken advantage of the credit I've ruined trying to make amends to those people, you know, financially, other ways. And then I have to look at the people that have perhaps hurt me. And man, when I was sober, it just, it was always there that I knew exactly what happened to me when I was a kid, right. But I compare it to laying out in the, in the sun and seeing clouds and they're, you know, there's a bunch of clouds that are interesting and then the second you're sober, they form exactly the story and they're always there, but you don't really take a good look at it. You now you have glasses on, you see exactly the story, exactly the situation, you know, exactly every moment of, you know, him getting me in his house, getting me the escalation into, eventually into a box, you know, his collection of Nazi memorabilia, which was another way that I know his parents knew, you know, I'm Jewish, by the way, but it was another way that I know his parents were aware. And another thing is you don't have a special room in your house that the parent, the father does, who is a work, who is a handyman does not know about. So they knew special kid sized room where you had to lay on your back and there was chain and whatever it sounds like, you know, and it was a half ass, it wasn't like a movie perfect thing. It was just like a sort of a threatening stupid thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you have. Yeah, handyman can pop the pins on the hinge and pop the door right off.

[Tom Arnold]

Right. So it's like a bench that you sit on in the entryway where you hang your coats above it. But once you pulled that back, you know, it was, it was that, that was the area that he would, that he would lock me in. I've always been a little claustrophobic since then.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, rightfully so.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But you must have had some thoughts at some point now that you have millions and I mean, I just had some thoughts about just snuffing this guy.

[Tom Arnold]

Well, I had thoughts about just beating the fuck out of him.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not trying to get you in trouble, but nothing ever happened. But do you have any thoughts about just paying somebody to do it?

[Tom Arnold]

No, I would never pay somebody. I would do it. I would. You know, we had a, you know, if you go up a small town, there is a justice, you know. You know, it could be anything from a man that's in a lot that works in livestock, that really enjoys hurting animals, like gets extra joy out of shoving the electric prod up hog's ass. Like you get a joy, you can tell there's some sick fucking dudes. Not like farmers love animals. I know it doesn't make sense because they race him and then eventually they slaughter them. But there's these fuckers that are just, just sick and we get rid of them now that we kill them, that means we make sure they don't work at the plant anymore. But there's some sick fucking people there. And if they're abusing animals and killing animals and doing weird shit to animals, I mean, how far is it to do it to a human?

[Adam Carolla]

So you never thought about with all your millions of dollars paying someone to take this guy out?

[Tom Arnold]

No, no, no, because that would mean I'm afraid of him. That's not, I'm not afraid of him. But by exposing him, it was out in my mind, right. You know, because every, the average molester does between three and 500 victims. And boy, was this guy just a perfect. Once I started doing my research, this guy was so fucking perfect. First of all, you know, I, I want to change the laws and they have changed laws since. That's something I do with my celebrity, that there's not a statute of limitations. You know, I went to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, why should there be? Because you're molesting a five year old and that person gets into therapy when they're 35.

[Tom Arnold]

Exactly. You know, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Of all things, right?

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah. So, you know, the Oto Police Department where I'm from was on my side. The, the, the, the feds were on my side. The, the, the Iowa Department of Criminal Investigation, everybody, Highway patrol, everybody's on my side, they want to help me out. You know, once I get, and I'll tell you what really spurred it on. I talked about it, I, on Oprah and, and, and I said I'm not gonna say the guy's name, but let's just call him Terry Williams. I said right into camera, hoping he would sue me, which would open up the floodgates and then I would fucking. Okay, now what it did was I went to my sister's drug trial the next week and she's, she ended up

[Adam Carolla]

doing, she in Iowa.

[Tom Arnold]

Twenty years, she was in Iowa then. And then, you know, did a couple federal trials. If you read the book Meth Land, it was about a lot about her. She was the biggest. Meth.

[Adam Carolla]

Did anyone tap you guys on the shoulder at any time and go, you understand? You're Jewish. I don't know what the fuck you're doing working at the Hormel plant like You're Jewish. Knock it off.

[Tom Arnold]

If you're a small town, there's not a lot of options. That's no excuse. Okay. By the way, I will say this. As an addict, until I got sober, having a sister that would come over on holidays with a purse, a giant purse. And inside that purse was every drug you ever dreamed of. And it's all good and it's all free, you know, there was no complaining.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she. Let me backtrack for a second. Is she in prison now?

[Tom Arnold]

No, she's out. She had two federal mandatory minimum 10 years and then she's out. She did very well. She's down in Phoenix selling timeshares.

[Adam Carolla]

Other brothers and sisters?

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, I've got. There's seven of us total. I'm the oldest.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you run down who's alive and what?

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, they're all alive. They're all alive. I have. Yesterday, my sister in law killed herself.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Tom Arnold]

She. Yeah, it was crazy. Like she was. Boy, I was really surprised because she was so, you know, nice. She. My brother's wife. Very nice. Very.

[Adam Carolla]

They were married.

[Brian Bishop]

Yo.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah. Yeah. And she had kids. She was about to become a grandmother next week. And she had some kind of physical ailment that appear. I think it gets worse, but it wasn't, you know, ALS or it wasn't, you know, whatever. And she went into. They have the. They do well. Very well financially. She went into her trailer and drank poison, which is the most painful way to die. And it was just shocking because she's such a good, you know, funny rich

[Adam Carolla]

and religious and has a strong family.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes. And it was shocking.

[Adam Carolla]

Was diagnosed with some. Something.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, she had this thing and she had to wear a brace on her foot, but that was it, you know, and she. It's shocking, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

How's your brother doing?

[Tom Arnold]

Well, you know, he's in shock. You know, he's got nine car washes and lube kings and, you know, he's, you know, I'm, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

So are you in touch with everyone? Are you good with everyone?

[Tom Arnold]

I am. No. But I am with that. In May, my nephew committed suicide with a gun. And I'm, you know, I work with the Brady foundation trying to pass some common sense gun legislation. Not. I am a gun owner. I support the second Amendment. But we would like to have background checks for everybody and we'd like people with mental illness to not own guns until they're treated. My nephew was in the army. He attempted suicide. He was a beautiful boy. He was 24, beautiful kid. He attempted suicide he kicked him out. They deemed him unsafe around weapons. The next day, he got a concealed weapons permit for the state of Iowa and five guns. He was. I was nervous about it. He was chronically depressed. He would not get. Get, you know, treatment. I talked to his dad about it. His dad didn't think it was a big deal. People in Iowa think guns are like, they're God given, right? Like, not everybody's Jewish in my family. Some are right wing, you know, like, okay, the.

[Adam Carolla]

The other part of it is him probably not acknowledging his depression.

[Tom Arnold]

Well, yeah, he. Here's the thing. It'd be like, so he had five loaded guns next to his bed at night, which would be like me having a nightstand made of chocolate cake and drawers full of cocaine. Now, I will. I will do great for a while, but someday someone says something that hurts my feelings, and I won't do great that night. And that. So it's such a temptation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree. And so I've always said, I think cops, you know, they go high suicide rate.

[Tom Arnold]

They have a very high.

[Adam Carolla]

And I go, but you know what mean? I. If I had a gun strapped to me all day, every day, 24, seven, I would have killed myself five times by now. I think they kill themselves. It's a stressful job, but they have a suicide machine that's attached to their hip that they can always reach over and grab. And yes, I agree with you. You're sober, but you don't have a bowl of cocaine on your nightstand. And if you did,

[Tom Arnold]

many times, I'd be trouble. And the thing is, 10 vets a day commit suicide right now. And, you know, that means we create 10 new gold star families every day. People don't like to talk about it. Our politicians love to say boots on the ground because they just. They like to talk about boots. They don't want to equate that to the humans that are in there or. They sure don't want you to see wounded warriors. They sure don't want you to see the caskets.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's. Let's. I feel like we could do 20 minutes on 2,000 subjects. I want to do this. I want to take a quick break, and then when we come back, I want to. We'll focus and we'll. And this part of my problem too, you and I, by the way.

[Tom Arnold]

My family's mad at me for trying to help. Let me just give you 10 seconds. Last fall, I find out on Facebook he has joined a neo Nazi group. He is a gun. He's showing off his guns he's whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy who killed himself.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Tom Arnold]

He's not a neo Nazi. Whatever. I asked my one cool brother, my gay brother Chris, give me his address. I'm flying down to Arizona to take his guns because nobody else is going to do it. I would have been the one arrested for a felony with the laws the way they are, since I know cops, of course I wouldn't. My brother tipped him off. He had the guns. Anyway, February 2nd, he goes, he has a little argument with his girlfriend. Everything's fine except for he takes the gun, blows his head off. He's 24 years old.

[Adam Carolla]

You talking to your brother?

[Tom Arnold]

My brother is furious with me. The one brother, of course, is right. My whole family is furious at me.

[Adam Carolla]

Shouldn't he be furious at himself?

[Tom Arnold]

Well, I hope he doesn't get there. I hope he does it. They think of guns as, you know, they keep saying he was going to do it eventually. I try to explain guns are immediate. There's 44,000 suicides last year, 22,000 by guns. But there's a million suicide. Suicide attempts by guns. There were 22,000, 100 suicide attempts. 22,000 were successful.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll come back with Tom Arnold. And then Tom will explain the whole going back in his past to his hometown and making bringing justice to this successful.

[Tom Arnold]

And again, I'm a gun owner. I believe in second amendment just like everybody else.

[Adam Carolla]

All right back. All right back with Tom Arnold. So Tom.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. So, so much going on with Tom Arnold. So. So you get sober. You have this thought. Yes, I'm coming back to my hometown and I'm gonna let people know the truth about this guy.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah. I'm gonna find him. I need to find him and confront him before, honestly, he sees me at the mall and he brags to a friend that he basically fucked Tom Arnold. That's honestly what went through my head. I want to get ahead of this

[Adam Carolla]

because you're in the spotlight.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's Roseanne? Coming down on this.

[Tom Arnold]

She agrees with me. She's proud of me. She agrees with me 100%.

[Adam Carolla]

That's admirable, because I do feel like a lot of people in the public eye who are making a lot of money and already embroiled in one controversy or another would have said, just lay low, man. Let's just hammer some checks and not deal with this right now.

[Tom Arnold]

Would she love me to be in fights like she liked? So even though this is the right. But I will Say this. It spurred her to start thinking about her past, and she started talking about her abuse after that.

[Adam Carolla]

So you went back to your hometown?

[Tom Arnold]

My brother got a private eye, found out he had moved to Des Moines. He was now a big business owner. He was head of his church, and he had only adopted boys. Ed was about to adopt his fourth boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Tom Arnold]

And the fact that I'd seen his sister in law at my sister's trial, and she said, oh, by the way, Terry did the same thing to his own brother, my husband Dennis. I thought that was a sign to act quickly. The adoption coming was a sign.

[Adam Carolla]

How old is he at this time?

[Tom Arnold]

Was about 40 something, and I was 30. You know, let's say. Let's say that I'm 35. And he. He's 50. Let's say he's 54.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so he's successful. He's got family. He's in the church. He's a pillar of the community. He's a businessman.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, in that community, I think here, you don't really stand out.

[Tom Arnold]

You definitely stand out there, there.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're making a good living and you're. People know who you are.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So people knew who the guy was.

[Tom Arnold]

Oh, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So you then do what?

[Tom Arnold]

I get a plane, I go to where he works, I plan it out. You know, this is after I talked to law enforcement, they could help me none. I. I call Roseanne. I'm. I'm actually kind of nervous. I walk into his. He has this big building, a big reception area. I say, where is Terry Williams office? The lady's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm going to tell him you're. Tell him you're here, you know, because everybody in Iowa knows me. I go, no, no, I'm going to surprise him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tom Arnold]

And she said, okay. And, and. But as I'm walking down the hall to his office, he comes out like he sensed that I was there. It was weird. And so as I see him walking towards me, I'm walking towards him and I realize, you know, it's been a long time, but it starts. I start my spiel that I worked on with my therapist so I don't, you know, end up back in jail. Right, right. I want to give you back the pain and shame you caused me as a kid. If you tried to do that to me now, I'd break your fucking neck. And as he gets closer, I realize, hey, you know, it was. It reminds me of how violent it really was. And he's A big guy and he walks right up on me and it puts his finger in my chest and he says, your memories are wrong. Which to me means he's been confronted before because that's sort of a statement you would make to somebody, you know, in a therapy session.

[Adam Carolla]

But it, well, so he preemptively says your memories are wrong. Right. Which of course is an admission of guilt because if you're just an old guy from the neighborhood coming by to say hi, then you would never preemptively say that, which probably means he was confronted by other people, as you say, but possibly that he had you on his radar and that he'd just been thinking about Tom Arnold and probably haunted him. No, I've always, not that it's 1/10 of this, but I've always said, you know, my dad's a pussy and my mom's lazy and all this shit. And it's funny because people go like, hey, talk shit about your own family. And I said, they made a calculated choice, which is I'm going to ignore and abuse this kid. And there's a very good chance the kid will just end up on a construction site and die there, but there's a 1% chance the kid will be a nationally syndicated radio show, in which case he'll lean into a microphone and call his dad a pussy. That's what happens. There's a 1% chance when you molest somebody, you get Tom Arnold. Mostly you get just people that commit

[Tom Arnold]

suicide when they're 25%.

[Adam Carolla]

It's probably less. It's probably less, but you've defied the odds and now it's your worst nightmare as a victimizer because like I said, everyone else just commits suicide or molests other people and doesn't want to talk about it, goes in some sort of shame spiral or becomes a junkie and ODs, right? Your worst case scenario is this guy goes to Hollywood, he gets sober, he gets famous, he gets rich, and now he's coming back, right?

[Tom Arnold]

And so. But when he puts his finger my

[Adam Carolla]

chest, he must have had his eye on you.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, he definitely did. And he puts his finger in my chest and even though I'm a big guy, six, two, I'm fucking, you know, jacked up at the time, it's, it's scared like for a second jacket, I felt like that 4 year old kid, I tell you what, he scared me. I smelled the room like I was back there, right? I went right back there. He smelled the old dungeon, had me for a second. And then I, then I Regrouped. I grabbed his hand, I bent it backwards and I said, don't it. Like I said, I'll break your neck right here. And. And I could see fear in his eye then, you know, because he was playing it, he thought he had a chance to get to move off this, and then he knew he did it. And I see the fear in his eyes by now also, everybody that works for him that the receptionist has gone ahead and called everybody. So they're all out in the hall hearing this. And I'm not quiet, as you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Tom Arnold]

So I have it. We have our moment. I turn around, I walk out. Call Rosie. I did it, man. I'm so fucking excited. I walk right over to the state capitol of Iowa. Our governor is the governor now. He, Terry Branstad. He's a Republican. He took some time off and now he's back. Governor, I'm not a Republican. He knows that, but doesn't matter. I walk right into his office, I'm like, listen, I fucking just told the whole story. He's about to adopt a boy. I said, I need you to stop that adoption. And immediately. Because he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Tom, Tom. First of all, first of all, you are not here. This conversation did not take place. That's a federal offense. You're asking me to complain so you would go to jail? I would be in trouble. This did not happen. Get the fuck out of here. All right. So anyway, I was depressed. I go back called, you know, a week later, my brother calls me. You know, something weird happened in the paperwork for Terry's adoption and it did not go through. So even though Terry Branstad is a die hard Republican, you know, he did me a solid. He did, did that. Now I said to myself, have I done enough? Have I done enough? What about the kids in this neighborhood now? So I had my farmhands every night for six weeks go around his house, kid high, and put up pictures of his face, Terry Wade's face, his crimes on polls every pole, and let the other kids know, watch out for this fucking guy. Here's what he's done, here's what he does, here's what he does. And you, you know, and then I felt like, you know, I put the word out enough. Not only have I said it on tv, I've done this, I've done that, I've stopped him. And then I felt better about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Does I want to know? And again, a tease. But any. Don't answer any contacts since then. Is he still alive? What's he up to today, don't say a word. I got to hit Blue Apron here. Fresh, high quality ingredients. Tastes better and they're better for you. Blue Apron, high quality. Here's what it is, and I'll tell you, it's one of those. And I've challenged people. Do the Blue Apron thing and then tweet me if you're anything other than over the moon about it. Less than 10 bucks per meal. New recipes created each week. They bring all the ingredients right to your house, and they do everything under the sun. And it all shows up. And you just open the box and it's got all the meat, it's got all the vegetables, got all the everything. And they show you a glossy picture of what you're making, and in like 20 minutes, you whip it up and it looks exactly like it is on the picture. And it's perfect. Delivery options to fit your needs. No weekly commitment. No. So you only get the deliveries when you want them. But again, you want to eat healthy, you want to eat at home. You don't have a whole bunch of time time. It's perfect. It's like, I don't know, it's like IKEA for food in the sense that the box shows up, it's got the picture of it, you snap it all together and you're done, and you just finish at home. Everything's pre measured. Pre done, Pre everything.

[Gina Grad]

As a lazy person, I love how

[Adam Carolla]

you get a lot less dirty when you're doing it this way.

[Gina Grad]

Because it's all pre measured and it's

[Tom Arnold]

all, well, I get also less fat because when it's not pre measured, I go, well, I think, no, but if it's premeasured that I could stay on it. And. Okay, this is the way it's supposed to be done.

[Adam Carolla]

Try Blue Apron. Check out this week's menu and get three free meals with free shipping when you sign [e-mail] Adam. That's blueapron.com Adam. It's a better way to cook. Try it. And I defy you to shoot me a tweet that said something was subtle.

[Tom Arnold]

So, Dave, just $10ameal. Yeah. Okay. They should send me some. I'll be honest.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So any contact and is he still alive?

[Tom Arnold]

I don't, I don't know. Last I heard, he was alive. I. I know that other members of his family and other members of the community have since contacted him and confronted him.

[Adam Carolla]

And so you feel closure?

[Tom Arnold]

I do. I do. And I need to feel that. And I do. And you know, and what's the, what's

[Adam Carolla]

life like now for Tom Arnold, 2016?

[Tom Arnold]

Well, the moment my son was born, I did, it did reopen up some things that, you know, it did come back and I had to kind of go through it again and because always in the back of my mind was even healthy, I was like, yeah, this terrible thing happened to me, but it was me. So maybe I was just a bad kid. I mean, you know, if it happened to a normal person, it's terrible, but it happened to me and I'm kind of a scumbag.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think also part of it, but you tell me. Yeah, there's a guilt with the victims in that they seek out kids that are neglected and, or abused and. Or neglected or neglect is a form of abuse and they start showing attention. And for the kid, it feels good on some level that somebody's paying for the first time ever paying attention to. So you feel sort of complicit or in some way involved with this where you don't like, you know, when you're sitting at an intersection and you get hit by a drunk driver and all you're doing is sitting there at a red light waiting to go and a guy just blows right through and T bones you, you're hurt, you're damaged, but you don't feel like, well, I may have had some role in this. The real insidious part of this whole thing is there's a lot of seven year olds that feel like I had some part in this, which is horrific.

[Tom Arnold]

That's part of the thing. But seeing my newborn son, son born, I realized, oh no, I was him, I was perfect, you know, and this happened to me. Yeah, it's not about me, you know, but that was just, you know, I was a perfect so being and so for this terrible thing happened to me.

[Adam Carolla]

And so what, what is a day like for you? You're married, right?

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a two year old son.

[Tom Arnold]

I have a three year old son and a seven month old daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

So new family, new life, new wife. How do you stay married now? I mean, what I'm saying is it sounds a little loaded, but I mean, Tom Arnold's a handful.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you couldn't marry a 27 year old Tom Arnold stay with him. That's impossible. But now we have a Tom Arnold mellowed with age a little bit and sober and so forth. What is it? So maybe the first three didn't stand a chance.

[Tom Arnold]

Right, right, probably.

[Adam Carolla]

But how hard is it for you now?

[Tom Arnold]

It's not Hard for me. I have everything I've ever dreamed of. I have a family. It took 25 years to get a family through physiological science. My low sperm palate, I had no sperm. All these women tried, God bless them. But I knew the moment it happened. When I was 54, this was the moment it was supposed to happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Happen.

[Tom Arnold]

This is the marriage it was supposed to happen in. So all those times I was trying in those other marriages, that was. It was a waste of time. I. My biggest fear is holding on to what I have at 57, having everything you ever dreamed of. And now I've got to hold on to it for 20 years, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And that means, yeah, you get a big house and you get a big mortgage payment, and you start to have. Have some staff, some people, and you get you guys who are way too big.

[Tom Arnold]

I have way too big. I've got to cut back. It's scary. And my business manager, I gotta get my ego in check. But I'll tell you what, this sub to Redstone thing, it's an opening that I want to fill. I'm friends with Sydney Holland, who is.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell us what's going on.

[Tom Arnold]

Okay, here's the deal. This is a fact. Subdued. Redstone is 93 years old. He is the CEO of Viacom Company that owns CBS, MTV, VH1, Comedy Central. He lives a mile from me. He had two girlfriends. This is a fact. And by God, it's good for him. He's a billionaire. And his two girlfriends, all they had to do was every night take their shirts off, which I don't like to take my shirt off. I'd rather take my pants off, but make out a little bit and then lick the top of his head dick. And they each got $80 million over the last four years. This is public record, public knowledge. This is not a lie. Okay? Now they have been fired. There were some personal issues. Whatever. One cheated on him, whatever. There's an opening now. I did, but when I was 20, I would not do that.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an opening for a dick licker, right? Right.

[Tom Arnold]

When I was 20, I would think that was gross.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Tom Arnold]

Now, with the family to support, I would do anything for my family. I would do that in a fucking heartbeat. You probably wouldn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, you know, I've always. The good news is, as an atheist, I can be bought.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, like, people say to me all the time, like, you're never going back to terrestrial radio, are you? And I go, I don't know. What's. Is there a check what's the check involved? They go, well, would you go back? And I go, listen, I'd kill my mom. You gave me enough money. It's all about the money. I know that sounds morally bankrupt, but what I'm saying is I. This part where. This part, look, if you do it for money and you decide to do it for money, I'm taking this scenario seriously, but I do actually mean this, which is saying to somebody, I want you to go kill the neighbor kid for $10 billion. There's no price you could put on that.

[Tom Arnold]

Right. Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Having me put a bowling pin up my ass, I could put a price on that now. You know why? Because it'd be me putting the price right on it.

[Tom Arnold]

Or even a bet.

[Adam Carolla]

$4,200, by the way. I mean, just for. People want to know. That's what, you know, Kirk 57 without lube. But go ahead.

[Tom Arnold]

Kirk Gibson is a good friend of mine. Kirk Gibson. I've tried to do this documentary with him. He has Parkinson's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he does.

[Tom Arnold]

He came. Yes. He. He's a. As you know, he's always been a tough ball player.

[Adam Carolla]

He is. Kurt. He was a football player who played baseball.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically, that's who he is.

[Tom Arnold]

Michigan State. Yeah. Literally. And decided to, you know what. And he always led with the head.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tom Arnold]

And he thought, well, my career will last longer. And he played baseball one season at Michigan State, batted.390, and then signed. And you know, there's at least two of the greatest moments of all time in baseball that he is a part of. And we. We know the.

[Adam Carolla]

The home run at Dodger Stadium. Yeah.

[Tom Arnold]

And we have one at Tiger Stadium, too. But he's speaking of a friend, ironically, because we're so disappointed. When I met Kirk Gibson 25 years ago, he hated me. We met him because David Wells was a mutual friend. David was pitching at Yankee Stadium. And I thought, well, if he. If he can be friends with David, he must be okay. He thought the same thing. He hated me, but he grew to like me. Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I'm in Detroit. We get together, we're talking. He said his biggest fear about Parkinson's is taking care of his family. I said, that's my biggest fear in life, period. You know, his family is older. I said, but I got this dick licking opportunity for us, you know, which he's a very. And I said, but wouldn't you do that for 80 million? And then we started talking about our lowest. I said, I'd do it for a lot less.

[Adam Carolla]

He Might have to shave the mustache.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, do it for a lot less. He said, what's your low ball? Would you do it for a thousand? I said, I would do it for a thousand. If it was very organized. There was 100 guys that each paid a thousand. My agent organized it. I walked out of the dressing room, they're all lined up. Yeah, you know, it's professional. I lick, lick, lick, lick all the way down the line. And then maybe for an extra thousand each, there's a meet and greet or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, look, Pete Rose signs, baseball bats and baseballs for 20 bucks a pop. And they just keep moving and do volume. It's volume.

[Tom Arnold]

So if I could get Kirk Gibson to be my partner, I mean, the guy that's a badass, wouldn't that beat up other players if they didn't practice enough?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tom Arnold]

You know?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, so, Tom, I feel, you see, what people don't really understand is at all. And you hear it a lot. Like, you go, oh, that guy made a million dollars in a year. What's he got to worry about? Well, first off, he didn't make a million. Made 500,000 because the government took half of it, number one. Number two, that guy's got a mortgage and the taxes he's paying on the property. And then he's got a nanny, and then he's got a publicist, and then he's got to lease a couple of cars. And then, by the way, he bought the nanny car, too. And when the dust settles, you don't realize that a million bucks can be mowed through quite easily. And look, if you're MC Hammer, you can mow through 30 million a year and end up in the red at the end of the year. So Tom has. I guess you approach life like an attic, right? Like, attack, Get. I want. Grab. Where is. Is it? And there's a fear. There's a thing in show business, which is. It's funny because you go think about all those people that were so famous and had this going on and that going on, and now they can't. They're not employable, or they're barely working, or they're working a cruise ship or something like that. And it's funny, you go think about. And then I realize, oh, you can't even remember their names. It's not even like, oh, okay, maybe I'll dig up Lou Bega or something. But I mean, Lou Bega sat with me on this set of loveline in, like, 1998, 99, and I said, Lou, you got this huge hit, Mambo number five, but what about keeping the momentum going? What about the next hit? Are you nervous about the follow up? And he looked at me sort of confused and he said, oh, this is just a big beginning. Like this thing's, this, this train's never slowing down, it's picking up speed. And I remember just sort of looking at him going, ah, the first song sucked. I don't know if there is a second song.

[Tom Arnold]

Did you say that on the air?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I, I'm just as brave as you. I didn't confront, I didn't confront my abuser. No, I was there to interview the guy and, and, and do Loveline. And I didn't, I didn't, I, I wouldn't, I wasn't really sucking up to him, but I wasn't there to humiliate him.

[Tom Arnold]

Or don't you wish you had that kind of balls to believe like that? Like every day people come up and go, you and I are going to work together one day. I'm going to be huge.

[Adam Carolla]

I, well, wait a minute, but wait a second. Lou Bagon. I'm not sure what Lou's up to, Gary, but that balls. It's hubris. And the point is it probably didn't work for Lou. What did work for Tom Arnold and to some degree, Adam Carolla is a running scared mentality approach to business, which is, I got to work every Saturday, you got to get on an airplane and go to Hilarity's in Cleveland because this could all shut. Someone could pull the plug on this thing and you got to keep making hay while the sun shines. Speaking of money, by the way, I got an automated service. It's called Wealth Front. An automated service to manage your long term investments using tax efficient, efficient, low cost investment portfolios. Sophisticated financial advice at a fraction of the cost of traditional advisors. All online, only a $500 account minimum, by the way. You can get started. They automate investment strategies that managers for the ultra wealthy have access to and they deliver it directly to the investors. There's a thing that's kind of nice about. It's like everything for the people now, like everybody can get everything. It used to be it was just a handful of rich whinys that had access to this stuff. The one thing about the Internet, it's opened it up to everyone. No management fee for accounts under 10,000 bucks and only a 0.25 per year. For over that, modern technology, rigorous investment research to cut out the middleman, give everyone a sound Investment and everyone a shot, and everyone should be educated. We don't do this in this country. We're not educated on investment management. Check them [e-mail]. adam. Just go to Wealthfront and check it out. Wealthfront.com Adam. Yeah, I mean, how much money have you made in your career?

[Tom Arnold]

I have made. First of all, people think I got $50 million from Rose Adbar in divorce settlement. Our divorce is public record, as are a lot of divorces in California. I took zero alimony, zero settlement. Look it up. I could have had $50 million. There was no prenup. And I've regretted it every day of my life because I thought, I'll tell, you know, make the money. I probably made 50, or I'm sure I've made $50 million. And I know for a fact that I have given away more money than I have right now. If I just look at my scholarships and my charity donations, that. That doesn't make me a good person. That makes me a stupid person. Because you could also give away your money when you die. And like Bill Gates, that's something an alcoholic says because it makes him look good. I have given away more money than I have. That's something you say when you're drowning, by the way. The good news is, no, I can still give away more money than I have when I die. But I have, you know, so I'm trying to refocus and focus on my children and not care about whether I live in Beverly Hills or where I live.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what we should do then. Go to tomarnoldcomedy.com find out where he's playing, because Tom's coming to a town near you.

[Tom Arnold]

The thing is, I love doing stand up. Like you love the actual doing stand up or doing a podcast. You love talking to people.

[Adam Carolla]

I actually, you know, it's the travel. It's the travel. Yeah. All right, so speaking of travel. Jacksonville, Florida, that's September 8th through the 11th at the Comedy Zone. And then hilarities in Cleveland. Yeah, that'll be September 15th through the 18th. And then a whole bunch of more dates. So just go to Tom Arnold comedy.

[Tom Arnold]

I only go to good places. That. And I'm lucky that I get to pick places that people are nice to me. And. And we take. I make people take pictures with me. I thought one of these people. I don't do meet and greets. I literally take pictures with everybody. And I have T shirts. They can buy them if they want. I don't, you know, whatever you have a kid's heart. Camp. Camp. Tell Corazon. Which I hope they support, but they don't have to. But it gives me a moment with real people and keeps me sober. So, you know, it's selfish. Everything I do is selfish.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the good ones, Tom Arnold. Me, I'm in Cincinnati, but Chicago, doing live podcasts at the Vic. September 24, Connecticut, Fox Woods, October 7. Doug Benson's going to be with us. Live podcast everywhere. Boston, Anaheim, Dallas, all over the place.

[Tom Arnold]

You are the king of podcasts. You make fun of yourself, but you are the king of something. No, no, seriously, how many people are the king of something?

[Adam Carolla]

I have. You are maybe a banana republic dictator.

[Tom Arnold]

No, no, no. You're the reason that I'm doing a podcast. They sell. They go Adam Carolla. They sell other people because of you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, if you want to Support my kingd, AdamCarolla.com Find out about all the stuff, Carolla. And until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Tom Arnold saying mahalo. All right, that was Adam Carolla Show 1885. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla

[Gina Grad]

Show 1923, featuring Phoebe Robinson, Gina Grad, and Brian bishop, also from 2016.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you. Hey. And bald Brian. Now, before we go any further, I've got to apologize to everybody.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Body.

[Gina Grad]

Second night in a row, three hours sleep. Feeling good.

[Adam Carolla]

So from a little bit.

[Gina Grad]

From a dragon.

[Adam Carolla]

A little bit.

[Gina Grad]

I apologize in advance.

[Brian Bishop]

I actually saw you eyeing that vending machine for the first time ever.

[Gina Grad]

I rarely touched that vending machine. I was like, diet Coke.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds good.

[Gina Grad]

And of course, it's sold.

[Adam Carolla]

Not happening, Brian. Not sold out.

[Gina Grad]

It is taken.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian did a real good job on the news. Gina Grad. I heard. I just want to tell you, step

[Gina Grad]

it up, you breathe it down your neck.

[Adam Carolla]

Do not worry, because I'm not a. A scalp man.

[Tom Arnold]

Okay?

[Gina Grad]

I another scalps.

[Adam Carolla]

When people say, what do you like? You know, you're a leg man. You're an ass man.

[Tom Arnold]

Like a good shiny.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a scalp man. So your job will always be safe here.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. At least I have that going for me.

[Gina Grad]

Lest you shave your head, in which case, good night.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Not a scalp guy. So, Brad, Brian, nice job, but sorry.

[Gina Grad]

Thanks for the compliment. It was much harder than. It's much harder than you make it look, which is a compliment to you because you make it look easy. And I was like, oh, this will be simple. And I was like, nope. Gotta be on top of my game.

[Brian Bishop]

Was that your first time ever doing that.

[Gina Grad]

It was the first time I'd ever. There have been times when other news girls have called in sick or whatever, and it's. I've been handed stories like, you know, 10 minutes before, and I kind of stumbled through it, but that was the first time.

[Brian Bishop]

Picking your own story.

[Gina Grad]

First time I picked one, I kind of had no excuse not to at least do it right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, good, good. And I freaked you out before the show and you freaked me.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you want to listen, you can go ahead to the podcast one premium for like, I don't know, two bucks a month and you can get the. Take a knee and all the, all the premium shows and live shows and the whole library. So, yeah, good fun shows, good fun people. And boy, about as long a journey as we have on our calendar. It is meet here, the boys. It's wheels up at 5:30am here Friday morning, get out to LAX. And by the time you get into the car, you can imagine the time we did it. Before we rented a car, it was at night and it was raining and we couldn't find the venue. This time, even with the limo waiting for us, it was still three hours plus. And by the time we got there, it was a coin toss as to whether you go do the show or go up to your room, take a leak and go do the show. I had to go up to the room because my bowels were like. Like I don't know what's going on. I don't know where I am. We have a schedule. We are. My bowels are like. We had an agreement. We get up about 8:25, 8:30, you have a cup of coffee, you sit on a computer, you drink a little of the green juice Olga whips up for you and puts in the fridge. And at some point you walk me over to the toilet and I unload. That's what it was.

[Gina Grad]

That's a tacit agreement you have with your balance.

[Adam Carolla]

Not you meet Mike and Mike and five guys named Mike in the parking lot at 5:30, then get on a miniature airplane, go cross.

[Gina Grad]

It was not a luxury craft.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh boy, did I have.

[Brian Bishop]

It's probably for the best. I sat this one out.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not a good. Never a good sign because it's always like, you know, here's my policy in terms of travel. My policy is anything under, under two and a half to three hours. I'm not. I'll make it. I don't care where I'm sitting.

[Gina Grad]

For the most part, standards are acquiesced to the actual length of the flight,

[Adam Carolla]

Southwest to Vegas, Southwest to Portland, whatever. Seattle, Phoenix, it doesn't matter to me. These are short enough flights. Don't care. Also, the other thing too is, look, you only go. You're playing an Indian casino to get paid.

[Tom Arnold]

Paid.

[Adam Carolla]

It is nice to see everyone depress the flesh and everyone's great and the fans are great and all that kind of stuff. But look, I'm getting on a Friday, I'm meeting these guys in a parking lot at 5:30 in the morning, getting on airplane, and I'm going to Squanto's retreat. And I'm doing it to get paid. It's a work trip, right? So I could say, hey, I need a first class, round trip, $3200 ticket. That's just gonna be the first thing that gets backed out of whatever I'm getting paid. So I try to go, all right, well, if they have some business, something or so meet in the middle. I said to Matt, as I always do, I said, flying out. What are we flying? He said, JetBlue. JetBlue. JetBlue. I said, okay. I said, what do they got? He said, this is like on Wednesday. He said, we got you. Well, they have economy. It's just economy, but it's economy plus. And I said, oh, all right, maybe a little leg room, maybe some free booze, a little amenities. I don't need a little lot, a little help. Then I started looking at my ticket as we were walking toward the gate, and I saw the seat print out and it was like, me, Mike, and then another human being. I'm like, oh, this is a three row.

[Tom Arnold]

Oh, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

In your particular.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Gina Grad]

Each.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an aisle with three on each side so that you're sitting next to somebody. And then how big can this plane be? And then we're seat 14 out of like 22 or something. So we're literally, literally sitting in the middle.

[Gina Grad]

Average, ordinary seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Just sitting in the middle of this thing. And then this horrible conversation where I say to the stewardess, flight attendant, I go, we're flying JetBlue Premium.

[Gina Grad]

I was adjacent to this conversation. You said, we have premium plus. What do we get with that?

[Tom Arnold]

And.

[Gina Grad]

And she's like, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

And she's like, huh, which is a bad thing. And I go, premium. We're flying like JetBlue Premium, right? Do you have a premium? Is there a plus? Premium plus or you cast a white net.

[Tom Arnold]

You cast a white net.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's like, yeah, you can get some yam chips when we get up to 48,000ft. And I'm like, no, premium. This is six hour flight. And I'm a big guy and Mike's a big guy and the gal next to us, and we're all smashing to these seats. And I'm like, I'm told that I'm flying premium plus.

[Gina Grad]

You dropped the assistant thing? My assistant booked it and said he

[Adam Carolla]

has something about premium or something. And she said, I don't know what you're talking about. And then she left and then she came back and then she said, yeah, what we have is JetBlue Plus. And I said, okay, good. What does that mean? And she said, you get to check a bag for free. I already did a gate check of my backpack. Which was another insane conversation, which is,

[Brian Bishop]

wait, was that your choice?

[Adam Carolla]

I had sure the miniature plane was completely full. And they gate checked my bag. And then Mike had this insane conversation with the lady who is gate checking it because we've been burned before, which is, yeah, this a gate check. And he said, okay. So we pick it up at the gate. And she said, it's a gate check. And he said, okay, so when we land, we get it at the gate. And she said, no, no, the carousel. And I was like, I know this is a gate check, sweetie. Like, I know what's going on right in front of us. But really, Mike had to double back and ask a second time, do we pick it up at the carousel?

[Brian Bishop]

Did she just mic Mic?

[Adam Carolla]

I think she just out mic'd Mike. Wow. Yeah. But you want to talk about confusion when somebody says dueling mics? You're gonna confuse a customer when the customer says, is this a gate check? While she's doing a gate check? And you go, yes, it is.

[Gina Grad]

Sure is.

[Adam Carolla]

That just means for me. That's good enough for me. I'm walking to the back of the plane. I'm gonna, you know, when my knees numb up from the chair and of me, I'll pass out at some point after eating all these veggie chips. And then at a certain point, I will not expect this thing at the carousel. I will stand by the side of the plane when we get to Boston. She said, this is a gate check. And Mike was smart enough to actually ask her if it's coming to a carousel, but she said, yes, it's a gate check, meaning that I guess we could have said, is this a conversation we're having right now? And she would have said, yes. She literally described what was happening in

[Gina Grad]

Lifetime back to Jet Boo Premiere plus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So turned out to be nothing other than you get a break on a half a bag. And I said, mental note, I actually called Matt. I said, remind me to kick you in the nuts when I get back. Put that on the list. The other thing that needs to be addressed is. And I brought up before the phone jack and the jack where the headphones plug into and where they are and the multitude of possibilities there are in an airline seat. And I find myself just looking at other people trying to cheat. Like, where's the cord coming from? Just like school one day, somebody smart, some fan who listens is gonna sit next to me on the plane, shove the cord up his ass, and I'm gonna try to like, very gingerly go, all right, I guess I gotta go here. Because I'm doing the arm. The thing that drives me nuts is they put it in the arm. But the armrest that if you got a miner's helmet and you got down on your knees and looked at it, you could find it, but it's not visible because it's down.

[Gina Grad]

The part of the armrest that faces the person in front of you is heel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. It's either flat or turned a little. There's also many other possibilities. I do feel like. Like when a dog starts humping pillows and starts humping beanbag chairs and starts humping curtains. Like, I start trying to shove this little dick, everybody. Like, there's a little divot in the armrest. I try to push it in that. I try to push it in anywhere I can push it in. At a certain point, I'm just looking around going, I have no idea where I can listen to this movie that I'm watching. This was on the flight home.

[Gina Grad]

It's funny because on the flight home, I actually appreciated their entertainment system. But it was weird because Genus, the new one on Delta, where they have the screen, but this one actually has the headphone jack and a USB port in the bottom of the screen in front of you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, hot dog.

[Gina Grad]

Which is very nice, but it's everywhere now.

[Tom Arnold]

I could be anywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

I took a picture of. This is literally the screen. I was watching a documentary. I was watching Iris, the documentary. And then later on. And I'll just show you guys the picture of the screen. It's just a black. It's just a black monitor with a black hole in the middle of the black monitor. Gary will pop that up. When you see a close up picture of it, Gary, with no cord sticking out of it, you realize it's just a sea of black with a black hole There is.

[Tom Arnold]

Can we do a little red right

[Adam Carolla]

button or something on there? Like a little sticker or an arrow or something that says cord. Find the one with nothing in it, Gary. Thanks. And you have it in there somewhere. And you'll realize there's no orientation whatsoever. There is no anything.

[Gina Grad]

I would never shit on your point. But mine. Maybe yours was broken.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause mine, Gary, will show you a picture that'll make you angry.

[Gina Grad]

Mine had a very nifty feature, which was whenever you touched the screen or got near it, it lit up to little blue like LED things that outlined the headphone jack. Yours must have been broke because mine, every time I touched it lit up a little blue light around the headphone jack. It was very.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Tom Arnold]

It was very nifty.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you see that, Dawson? Yeah, it did, but he did just totally shit on you. I was thinking that the whole time. You just had the phone screen. Same difficulty you did. It doesn't say headphone jack. It just looks like it's a little circle.

[Tom Arnold]

And you.

[Adam Carolla]

I touch the screen a bunch of times.

[Gina Grad]

Yours must have been broken. There's high tech stuff goes out pretty quick, especially if it gets used, you know, multiple times a day every day.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Gary, show me the picture with the one missing. That just is the bottom. That's all. I was still looking on the armrest the whole time until I looked at the guy next to me and he had his thing and I'm like, oh, there it is.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I taught a close one of just the bottom corner, but there's nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no indication whatsoever.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no. It's just black with the hole in it. I'm. I'm just saying, like ergonomically, especially since it's been in the arm since established.

[Gina Grad]

Well, that goes in the arm at this point, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It is. I'm just. Why not just put a little red thing on there or a blue circle, a light up LED screen. Mine didn't.

[Gina Grad]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Grab that, Gary. I didn't take a shot of the corner. Huh? All right, Phoebe Robinson is here. I don't know. Why is that driving me nuts? I thought I just took a picture of the corner. Oh, there. Is that it? That's you or me? That's me. Okay, that's the shot of the left lower corner where the jack is. And now just show the one with the jack in it. This is good pot, but you can see that. And I'm going, there's nothing. There's nothing there. There's nothing around It.

[Brian Bishop]

How did you come across this? Because your knees were so shut. Close to the screen.

[Adam Carolla]

I had to start looking over other people's chairs. And when I saw other people's chairs, I saw the cord coming out from there. I was able just to cheat. I was in high school. I was back in Spanish class and I was behind Cynthia Nagatani. And I had to get my answers that way.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a nice Mexican.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Thank God. I'm used to, well, Japanese.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Better student.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotcha.

[Gina Grad]

She studies studying. She doesn't have to study in Spanish class.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Comprendo?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Okay. All right, so Phoebe's here, so we'll get this thing cranked up as fast as we can. First I'll tell you about. Let me take a phone call. Let's see.

[Gina Grad]

Line one is.

[Adam Carolla]

Got a flight. Chris. 31. What's on going?

[Autumn]

Not much. I was out at Foxwood this weekend. It was great seeing you guys live.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thanks for coming out, man.

[Gina Grad]

It was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I recommend it to all fans. It's a great energy having everybody in the same room. It was a lot of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

Everyone was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone was there.

[Autumn]

So, you know, my original question was asking you. I saw Brian post on Twitter. You happen to have two pair of sunglasses on your head while you were on the plane.

[Gina Grad]

But there was a crazy guy sitting next to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that Adam?

[Autumn]

Because he posted another photo with you in your socks. You're taking off your shoes.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you know these pictures had been posted? No, I saw them right away.

[Adam Carolla]

No, a couple things. I have to wear glasses to try to find goddamn headphone jacks and airplanes now. Or read about where the jacks may be. So I have to. Now I'm going. I know. And I'm like one of those Channel 28 preachers.

[Gina Grad]

Find a second picture up in the

[Adam Carolla]

middle of the night, which is. Now, listen. Listen closely. Listen closely. As far as the glasses go, that's just God punishing me. I mean, I wear sunglasses to try to get some sleep. But then when I have to find the jack button or whatever it is, I have to put my reading glasses on. And I'm not gonna put away my sunglasses so that I can read the stupid whatever it is I'm trying to read. I was reading a chart.

[Gina Grad]

This is rock bottom.

[Brian Bishop]

This is like car show gala.

[Gina Grad]

You can see how ironically he's reading car stats.

[Adam Carolla]

I was reading car stats. You can see how tight my stupid, stupid seat is. But listen to me. I don't have A problem with people taking their shoes off on a five hour plus flight? No problema.

[Gina Grad]

That's reasonable.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a problem with bare feet on the armrest of the guy in front of you. Bare feet on the ceiling. Or the restaurants. At the restaurant, you flip off your flip. You kick off your flip flops and you put them up on the Starbucks. You'll be for 40 minutes. I have a problem with that. Everybody wants to walk around in their socks on the airplane that's on them. I don't care about that.

[Gina Grad]

Everyone took their socks off in the limo on the ride. Three hours without your feet with your shoes on.

[Adam Carolla]

It was fantastic. Everyone was stunned.

[Brian Bishop]

There was a limo.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Gina Grad]

It was swanky.

[Adam Carolla]

I have no. You know, I have no problem with that now.

[Gina Grad]

That was more a joke of the people that tweet us with pictures of people with their socks.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, no shoes.

[Brian Bishop]

You found a crazy one.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, wow. Unbelievable.

[Gina Grad]

I took his shoes off on a plane. What a maniac.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I could could get my feet up on the chair in front of me, but I'd be blowing myself if I actually did do that. JetBlue Plus.

[Tom Arnold]

JetBlue plus sure did.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thanks, man. And then I had first class on the. On the ride home.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh la la.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But it was minimal. As I always say, if you ain't turning left, you ain't in real first class. You got to get on that plane and turn left. It was a modest.

[Gina Grad]

It was a modest first class.

[Adam Carolla]

Very modest first class. And I'll tell you what ruined it for me. There was a big, heavy set fella sitting next to me. Just a lot of man sitting next

[Gina Grad]

to a substantial fella.

[Adam Carolla]

Substantial. And I did that thing where it's like, all right, well, at least I got first class. But the seat reclined about 8 inches and there was no food. And it was like. It wasn't really much for first class, but. All right, we're trying to save some money. But the dude. Now tell me if I'm a douche, if this ruins it for me. But the dude was like sitting next to me, to me, and he was like a big dude. He didn't really seem like a first class dude. And I said, as opposed to the

[Gina Grad]

guy wearing two sunglasses?

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I said to the dude, what do you do? And he said, I drive a truck for Home Depot.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, this can't be a good first class. This cannot be a good first class. You're stacking pallets, you're making 37 grand a year and we're up here in first class.

[Gina Grad]

What's the explanation now, Miles?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably the explanation is it's, it's, it's a $800 first class. It's not.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, it's not a 3000.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a real first class. That's, that's the, that's the explanation.

[Gina Grad]

That makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, so nice guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Happy to have you.

[Adam Carolla]

Very, very modest. All right, so was able to watch some shows and let's see, what's this documentary you're watching? Oh, I, I only brought it up because it was about Iris. It was, it was this old fashionedista woman who collected ensembles and apparel and bracelets and brooches and just stuff that I have zero interest in. And I try to tell people all the time, just watch stuff you have zero interest in. Because that's the point about a documentary. You're supposed to get interested in stuff you know nothing about, have no interest in, and previously would think, oh, this would be a complete waste of time. And that's why doc, that's why like,

[Brian Bishop]

like all documentaries, it's just a waste of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, Speaking of long trips, smart mouth man, nothing can ruin an intimate moment as quickly as some nasty breath. And Smartmouth, I could have had a shot of this stuff at 5am when I got out of bed and still been minty fresh in that limo on the way to Foxwoods some 12 hours later. Smartmouth, it's active. Activated. It's clinically proven to instantly eliminate bad breath, prevent bad breath from coming back for again, 12 full hours. And morning breath too. So take a shot at night and then you don't get the morning breath in the morning. It's two separate liquids that combine. They activate, they have zinc ions and they stop the bacteria from producing the sulfur gas for 12 hours. So next time you're out drinking, smoking, partying, doing whatever Doug Benson was doing when he was with us in Boston with just a lot of everything. Use smart mouth do before you head home. Especially if you meet a little honey bunny. Smartmouth.com, baby. Or you can find it. Walmart, Target, Walgreens, cvs, all that kind of stuff. All right, a couple more phone calls and we'll take a quick break. We'll bring in Phoebe Robinson. Let's see. Don't just scoot down the line here. Talk to Paxton. Paxton, 1816. Hey, Seattle.

[Autumn]

Hey, what's up, ace man, what's going on really quick? I wanted to let you know I work at a car wash and I Make sure to always snap the floor mats back into place and put the seat forward.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Good man.

[Gina Grad]

Paxton.

[Brian Bishop]

He's too young to get that.

[Adam Carolla]

I had my car.

[Autumn]

Matt Paxton. Gina, don't call me out. It's Matt Paxton.

[Adam Carolla]

I had had my car valeted yesterday and had to see the little town flapping in the breeze on the windshield on the ride home. Seething. Seething. And first world pain problems. All right, sorry. Go ahead, Paxson.

[Autumn]

So did you hear about Coach Kennedy? He was a coach that would pray with the team for a football game.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I didn't see that. Now, I'm sure you can't do that today, right? It's a very traditional. By the way, I was always an atheist. Always an atheist. Atheist. And oftentimes in my, like Pop Warner playing days, we'd take a knee and they'd do a little prayer. And they'd do prayer for like the safety of everyone on our team and the safety of everyone on the other team wouldn't be like, let's go kick the shit out of those guys. It's just more like everyone grab a knee and take a little thing. And I, as an atheist, was always sort of fine with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Just out of curiosity, because I've never experienced this. Do they say to Jesus or God, or do they.

[Gina Grad]

They say often. They say, I went to a Catholic school and when we played football, we had to say a prayer before the game. And they said, hey, I'll make Mary.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually, ironically enough, right? Yeah, they would do it.

[Autumn]

Heavenly Father.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Heavenly Father.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they would. They would do it to Vince Lombardi. But yeah, we would just take a knee and they would just ask, you know, they didn't finally give us anything, wish or grant their team, whoever our opponent, blah, blah, blah, safe travels or whatever. And that was about it. I didn't get, but didn't like this guy doing that.

[Autumn]

Yeah, you got kicked.

[Brian Bishop]

You got fired.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who complained? And who I. Who are the goddamn pussy parents who complain or then who the kids are? Gary knows something.

[Gina Grad]

Opposing team's parents complained about him doing it at a home game. Apparently he discreetly, after players had left the field, would go out to the 50 yard line, take a knee and say a short prayer by himself originally. I mean, once this got notoriety, a bunch of people started joining him in a show of solidarity. But he was going out alone after players were off the field and knee. He's like a 52 year old white man.

[Autumn]

Like, he's not.

[Adam Carolla]

He's not white.

[Gina Grad]

He's just I mean, I don't know. It seems to be very quiet. He's not trying to make a big statement.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the NFL does this after every game.

[Gina Grad]

Every college team, every pro team. Yeah, there's a group of players.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on one second there, Paxton. I'm angry because I'm a parent now and I used to sit around and listen to the, hey, hey, wait till you're a parent. I gave even less of a shit. Now that I'm a parent, I thought things were gonna change. They don't. I really don't. A bunch of rules and whatever with my kids and your religion or what they're doing. Whatever, whatever it is, if things are safe, I don't care. I don't ask if someone has a dog or something before I assume the parents are good parents. That when they're going to sleep over at somebody's house and they take care of them and I don't ask them like what they're eating or what they're whatevering. I don't get that part where as an opposing parent you have to complain to somebody and, and we can simply ignore assholes who can complain. I mean, we're. Now we act like whether you're a school board or a team or pee wee team or high school team or whatever corporation, whatever you are, if some paper thin skinned nut job comes in and starts complaining about whatever it is, you don't have to snap into action. You, you just go, hey, bitch, shut up.

[Gina Grad]

You evaluate. I like your philosophy. You evaluate the complaint and you act accordingly.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, I think if somebody comes in and goes, look, I saw something sort of sexual between Coach Kennedy and, well, you have to go, you have to be all ears.

[Gina Grad]

Tell me, please.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's many other things where you could be all ears, but if the guy wants to go down the 50 yard line, take a knee and bow his head, then it's. I don't see, I don't see where. That's why we need to prevent that or why we need to have this conversation. I'm much more interested in the parents. Parents that rat people out and then really, do you consider that a victory?

[Gina Grad]

Do you feel like you've won now?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if your job is to get people to hate your guts, you now have one or two more people that hate your guts. But I'm guessing the person was an atheist or something of that nature. As a parent and as an atheist, I can tell you I don't give a shit about any of this stuff. Only the important, important stuff. They're things that matter. I don't get why we're giving equal time to everything when some stuff matters and some stuff doesn't matter. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

You went to a Catholic high school. Okay, well, I don't know if you guys experienced this. You probably. But I went to a public school in Kansas, and there was a thing called see ya at the flag or see around the flag, and I never knew what it was, but it was a group of Christian students that would congregate at the flag pole every morning and pray. Would that fly in 2016? It never even dawned on me to even care.

[Gina Grad]

Or ask, is it an officially sanctioned club or is it just.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know, it made it into the announcements in the morning.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think it would definitely not fly.

[Gina Grad]

In Kansas, maybe, but Sterling out here.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's. Again, in a world that has actual problems. Why are we in a world where I can't find a headphone jack on a cross country flight? Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Big and small.

[Adam Carolla]

When you break down prayer to its core, all it really is is saying that there's, you know, a higher power, and I'm not the greatest thing on earth. There's not nothing wrong with reminding people that, hey, you're not God. Yeah, I like that from the voice of God. All right, couple more calls and then we'll get Phoebe in here and get caught up with her. Let's see. Wayne. Grass Valley.

[Brian Bishop]

Where's that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Wayne.

[Autumn]

Oh, you talking to me?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, man.

[Autumn]

Oh, it's pronounced why in.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What's going on?

[Autumn]

Yeah, all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I get it. What's happening?

[Autumn]

Just working away on my car in the garage and decided to give you a call. I had a question for you.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you working on?

[Autumn]

91 convertible Mustang.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. All right, that's good. Is that the fox body?

[Autumn]

It is the fox body. And you know, gearheads like me and Gina, we don't say 5.0. We say it has a 302 in it.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. You get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Felt bad for my security detail. Who? The guy was walking me around. Justin. Super nice guy was walking me around. Foxwoods, they give you. When you go to a casino, you get. You actually get security.

[Gina Grad]

And it's a huge casino. It's like two or three Vegas casino.

[Adam Carolla]

You couldn't find your way around. But. But he said we were walking around. We're both talking about working at McDonald's back in the day and how our cuticles always smelled like onions. And we both Work in the grill. And he was pissed that he had to only work the grill, and I was pissed that I only had to work the grill. And he said he was a car guy. And I just asked him about his commute and how long. There's all mountain roads that he took in and this, that, and the other. And he said. I said, what do you got? Because there's a mountain road and we're car guys. And he said, had a Mustang, but traded that in. And I said, ooh, what do you got now? And he said, chevy Cobalt. And I went, wow. Oh, Like, I had. I just look at my feet while we're rocking. It's a 2.1 liter, four banger with a healthy 126 horsepower.

[Gina Grad]

It's like one of those rental cars where you're like, I'm not quite sure what this is.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what difference is. I didn't know people bought Cobalts. I thought you just got them for $22 a day plus money mileage. And we're looking at it, and all I could do is look at my feet and give him a. Well, there you go. How about that?

[Gina Grad]

How about that?

[Adam Carolla]

How about that? Look at you. Look at you.

[Gina Grad]

You go. Go, you.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's like, yeah, it's 36 miles to the gallon. I'm like, if I had a sewing machine for a motor in my car, I'd get 30. You know, I'd get some pretty good sweet mileage as well. Yeah, so that was. That was nice. She was Sweet guy. Anyway, what's the question there, Wayne?

[Autumn]

Well, I've seen lots of radio broadcasts that are turned into podcasts. I wonder if there's been any thought or discussion of doing it the other way. Taking a podcast and then broadcasting it on, like, a tape delay on radio.

[Adam Carolla]

It's been discussed a time or two. It's just nothing has ever really come to fruition.

[Autumn]

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, just. I have a long commute on my way home, and, you know, I listen to you guys, and I used to listen to reruns of Dennis Miller and stuff like that and just thought it would work.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it would. I just. I don't know. It's. You know, radio guys are what you call set in their ways, the guys

[Gina Grad]

who run the radio stations.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I imagine there's gonna be some turnover. I mean, it'll be one of those things like we discussed. Like I used to say seven years ago, why don't you put the spread in when you're picking the game? Oh, but please, heaven forbids. No, no one. No, you can'. You can't do that. Now. It's always acknowledged.

[Gina Grad]

No, there's whole shows about it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's whole shows about it.

[Brian Bishop]

So

[Adam Carolla]

we do that. And so this is gonna happen too. But it's. The old guard has to leave radio and I think the new guard will come in.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, and in some ways this is already happening. Like our guest today, I think, I mean she has, you know, they air these on nerd pr, that's what I call it. But you know, all these, Radiolab, this American Life, those shows are on the radio and they're podcast there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll bring. Gary's going to bring Phoebe Rob in right now. Phoebe Robinson, Good to see you. Thanks for coming in. I'm doing well. I was watching you doing stand up on

[Phoebe Robinson]

Seth Meyers.

[Adam Carolla]

Seth Meyers, yes. Very nice, very nice job.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Phoebe does stand up. Phoebe writes books. Phoebe does a podcast. What does Phoebe not do? By the way, the book, you can't touch my hair, it's available now on Amazon and you can click through our website and that would be nice for us also. And bookmark us. Podcast 2 Dope Queens. New episodes every week on itunes. And you're with Jessica Williams, who's formerly of the Daily Show.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So tell us, man, how does this all get going for you?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Well, I started doing comedy like eight years ago and I'm based out of New York. I'm originally from Cleveland, so I moved to New York because I thought I was gonna work in film and write important movies. I was like, I'm gonna write my American Beauty, but like a dumb trash bag floating in the wind like I was very self important. And then eight years ago, a friend of mine wanted to take a stand up class at Caroline's and then I just did it and I ended up loving it. So it really changed everything for me.

[Adam Carolla]

So Caroline's has a standup class.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah. Yeah. So it was an eight week class and I just wrote my jokes and I just kept doing it and I was just started doing open mics and had a day job and was making no money and drinking too much and

[Brian Bishop]

yeah, that's the way.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I know, right? That's all you need to do when you do stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, dude. You know, I never really thought, you know, it's funny because everyone, I went to the Groundlings and then later on Acme Theater and then everyone does Second City and Improv Olympics and blah blah blah. So that's. Everyone pretty much understands that if you want to do sketch or improv or whatever, you go learn, go take classes. But stand up. I know there's classes, but no comedian ever talks about, about taking stand up. It's like no model ever went to modeling school.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I think it's me and Jim Gaffigan. I think he took some classes, like, years ago. Years, years, years ago. But, yeah, it ended up being. You really just learn how to stand on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

It makes total sense that you rarely hear. Maybe it's not romantic. Maybe it's.

[Gina Grad]

I was just gonna say, I think the romantic notion is work it out, get your time on the boards, get your time on stage, work it out. Go to open mic nights.

[Adam Carolla]

Bomb.

[Gina Grad]

Do badly, then do a little better. I think that's the romantic. When the most practical is, like, take a class. You'll get pretty far ahead of the, you know, beginning stages pretty fast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they don't have the same thing with, like, aviation. My friends really thought I'd be a good pilot, so one of them dared me to steal a Cessna. So after work, we went to the airport. We had a few cold ones, you

[Brian Bishop]

know, and they were kind of gonna fly. He made me fly.

[Adam Carolla]

They were urging me to get in that Cessna, man. Or the version where your mom, like, when you're 14, would have to drive you into the airport and let you fly the Cessna, wait in the car.

[Tom Arnold]

I begged her, do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's a weird. I think there's a thing where comedians. I always say this about models. Nope. You know, how'd you get into modeling? They're. I turned 14, I realized I was smoking hot.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I went to Europe and started making money. No, but comedians have to do that. Ah. My friends push me up. Or everyone thought I worked with, you know, thought I was funny. But if you go, I took a class, then it means you went, oh, I like this. I thought I was funny, and I wanted to explore it.

[Phoebe Robinson]

The class I did. My friend wanted to take it, and I was like, we got it.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the model story we're talking about.

[Phoebe Robinson]

And so I was like, I never really watched stand up growing up. I never really thought it was a job, but she was like, you hate your life. Just take this class if you hate this class, whatever. And so that's how I got into stand up. It was very begrudgingly that I did it.

[Adam Carolla]

And your friend, did she make anything of herself?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, I mean, she doesn't do stand up anymore, but she writes and stuff, so, yeah, she lives in. Yeah, she lives in la.

[Adam Carolla]

So for you, What. What is the process like, get up, work it out, go to. I mean, I talk to comedians. It's like they. I remember once a comedian went like, oh, my God, I haven't performed in forever. It's been like six days or something since they did a set. But in that world, that's part of the schedule, right?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah. When I started out. So I started doing standup July of 08, and then I got laid off from my job in October of 08. So I just was doing open mics and bringer shows every night and living off my severance, which didn't last. And I was desperately broke by the time I got another job again. And I'm never gonna be the person that wants to do four shows in a night. That's just not how I operate. That just feels excessive for someone like me. So I like to mix it up by, like, writing books and, like, doing acting stuff and, you know, doing podcasting stuff with Jessica for wnyc. And so I really just kind of mix up.

[Brian Bishop]

You're a Renaissance woman.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I want to have my own empire. My own black lady empire.

[Adam Carolla]

So two dope queens.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Tom Arnold]

Said that.

[Gina Grad]

Very white. That was the white.

[Phoebe Robinson]

But I liked it. It felt really. It felt very podcasty to have, like, a white guy intro. Two dope queens.

[Adam Carolla]

Two dope queens. These young ladies really lay it down. They're telling it like it is. These dope queens are two dope queens. Two dope queens, Yeah. I don't know, it reminds me.

[Gina Grad]

Stephen Hawking's one.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, nothing is as good as God. I swear to God, I don't think we can find it these days. Or maybe we'll get. Maybe we'll get the guy who found the Billy Bush tape on this. But there's a great. There's a great archive. I was watching TV in, like, 1987 or something, and it was the 2 Live Crew. Brian knows this story, but I don't know. Whatever's nasty as they wanna be, whatever.

[Gina Grad]

It's when they were getting arrested and stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was all that thing, 85, 88. Somewhere later than that. Something later, 80s, whatever it was. And it was like. It was like Dan Rather on the evening news, and he was like. And in Dade county, two Live Crew were arrested. They're the band that made the popular song Me so Horny. Two dope queens. I love that. And I'm also like, the kindred spirit. You can just say popular, controversial rap band, like, you know, not have to say me so horny. Two dope queens into the microphone. But. All right. So Phoebe, the book that is out as we speak. The dates, I don't know. Where do we go if we want to see you do stand up? Do you have dates or.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, touring around right now. I'm on the book tour, so I was gonna have standup dates, but then they conflicted with some TV stuff that I'm doing, so I canceled all that. And then I'm just doing book tour dates for the. The rest of. Rest of the month. You see me in Seattle, Portland, Madison, Wisconsin. I'll be tripling that black population real quick. D.C. cleveland, which is where I'm from. So be. That'll be nice. Yeah, but I'm really excited about the book tour.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be great.

[Tom Arnold]

What.

[Adam Carolla]

What were you doing that you got laid off from?

[Phoebe Robinson]

I was working at home. I was an. I was an assistant at an indie film company. So I was just getting coffee and doing expense reports. Really not glamorous at all. And I was like, I hate this. This is awful.

[Adam Carolla]

Boy, when you think indie film company, you think locked in for life in terms of employment. I can't imagine they were cutting back over the indie film companies. Wow. It's like one of the safest career bets ever. And you do find out that it's mostly just work. Right. Like all that glamorous independent film stuff. It's just a bunch of transcribing stuff.

[Gina Grad]

Office.

[Adam Carolla]

Office work.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You're in an office.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You're getting people coffee. You're like, I am $50,000 in debt and I'm getting someone coffee. It does not feel good.

[Gina Grad]

My question, I was gonna say New York's a tough place to have no job, no income, be laid off, especially in late 2008. How did you. How'd you get by?

[Phoebe Robinson]

So I got. I had a severance and I was like, oh, I'm so rich. So I, like, literally fucking went to, like, West Elm and CB2 and just bought a bunch of furniture for my apartment. And I was like, oh, I'll get a job next week. It took me almost a year to get a full time job. So I was just doing temp stuff for, like, I was working at a makeup store, just packing eyeshadow for fashion Week and no one was eating. I would bring him, like, my Wendy's. Like a fucking garbage monster. And I'm like, oh, this smells great. And, like, we don't eat here. We all wear black. Like, it was just very much. It's not.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't eat that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't eat.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, I never saw anyone eat ever there. And I was like, how are, are you guys not so. Yeah, I was doing just odd jobs like that.

[Adam Carolla]

I had the same thing on that six hour flight. When we're flying, we don't eat virgin. Plus I don't see anyone eating anything either. JetBlue. Some of the stupid chips.

[Phoebe Robinson]

The Tara chips are good. Don't hate the Tara chips, man.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I hate the. I hate. They gave us veggie chips. And I think like, I don't want yams and beets as chips. I mean I can eat them. But we do have something called potato chips. Are they broken? Yeah, everyone likes them.

[Gina Grad]

Especially what to me is 8:15 in the morning.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? I've been in this flavor hour. I'll blow you for some barbecued lays right now. Right now. Who doesn't like barbecued chips? Can we get some barbecue? I like when the barbecue chip says the barbecue sauce they used. I don't care if it's a fucking lie. It's a little picture and you're like, oh, look at me. I got stuff I can buy for 3.99 and get a half gallon. But now it's in the bag and a dusting of it is on here. I love barbecue chips. I wish. There's no, oh, there's no airline that's ever served barbecue chips. Oh, it's a mess. It's too much of a mess.

[Brian Bishop]

Red.

[Phoebe Robinson]

And the chips are, they're healthy, you know, I mean, it's kind of like eating Styrofoam, but you know.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but as long as we're eating Styrofoam, let's look, enjoy it with some ruffles or something. But anyway, all right, so you get laid off, you begin your to embark on your journey as a, as a stand up comedy. Where did you, how did you grow up? And then where does the comedy come in? Like, how's it in you?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, so I'm from Cleveland. All my family's back there. And I was, I mean, I guess I was like a funny kid. I was never a class clown. Like, I didn't want to try and get attention. I would just make, you know, snarky asides when something happens. And yeah, I thought I was gonna be a writer. So I used to write all these stories when I was a kid and I had a massive crush on my gym teacher. So I used to write stories about how he and I would like end up together. That's amazing. And I would, like, win awards for. Yeah, no, but it was, like, really ridiculous that I would win awards for this in school. Like, no one's ever like, hey, maybe we should talk to you. They were like, great, great narrative. So I would just win the awards for being like, yeah, I want to bang, like, my gym teacher.

[Brian Bishop]

And the good old days.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, the good old days in the 90s when it was great to be inappropriate and. Yeah, so that was just. I was just. Used to watch a lot of movies, and I was a virgin for a really long time. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24. So, yeah, I was just watching a lot of movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Why so long with the virginity?

[Phoebe Robinson]

I couldn't lose it, Adam. I tried. I tried to give it out, and I was like, expired Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons. Nobody wanted it.

[Gina Grad]

They still take those.

[Adam Carolla]

They still take those. They still take those.

[Brian Bishop]

It's called customer service.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah. I just couldn't. I just. I don't think I had any swag. And I was very.

[Gina Grad]

Something's up.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I was very skinny. Nothing's up. I was just very, very skinny. I went to, like, an all white high school. I was, like, the only black girl in my grade. Like, I never got. And, yeah, I just. It was just not the right time. And then I started doing comedy and got more confident, and then I, you know, I lost the old V card, and now I'm out there in the streets buying plan B on the regs, you know, which is a great time.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have a boyfriend now?

[Phoebe Robinson]

No. We broke up while I was writing a book and I had to, like, move out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you were living together?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah. That was tough. That was tough.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you had that. Brian, you had that. Gina, you had that. Oh, someone else citizen, the moving out.

[Brian Bishop]

Not in the middle of a book, but, yeah, I've had to move out.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That was tough.

[Brian Bishop]

It is rough going on.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It was so hard because we were just not working well together anymore. So I was like, let's end it. But then I had to scramble to find an apartment. And in New York.

[Gina Grad]

That's tough.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It was hard.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what happened to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

And, like, you know, we moved in, so I, like, I threw out a lot of my stuff. So when I didn't have a bed, like, I didn't have a table, so I had to buy all this new stuff again.

[Adam Carolla]

I had two. I had two. Rough move in, I had a rough move out and a rough move in.

[Phoebe Robinson]

How do you have a rough move in? Was this like, you knew you shouldn't have moved in together. You did it anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

This was like I was dating somebody for really about three weeks.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Whoa.

[Adam Carolla]

And I mean, it could have been a month. And it's horrible. It's horrible. It's easily the worst. Like before I met Jimmy Kimmel, right before I met Jimmy Kimmel, I essentially had the worst, like, three months of anyone could ever have, which is I was dating this gal. She was from Minnesota, and we'd really only been dating for about three or four. I could have been two weeks. And this is right before the 94 earthquake.

[Gina Grad]

Just the I thing.

[Adam Carolla]

And she was. It was everything. She was sleeping at my house. House. And the 94 quake hit. And I was living out in La Crescenta in a rented house with three dudes and no money. And she was driving a piece of shit Nissan whose head gasket blew like the day before and was like parked in front of the house. And we didn't know we didn't have the money. You know, I'm a sort of a mechanic. But this is a head gasket. This big job. I don't know. It's going to cost hundreds of dollars. We didn't have any money. Money. And her mom was coming out, and her mom was coming out, gonna stay with her because her mom was poor as well. She's coming out from Minneapolis, Minnesota, and she was gonna stay for like five days. She already bought her plane tickets and blah, blah, blah. But she was gonna stay with this girl Cynthia. Earthquake hits in the middle of the morning, middle of the night, whatever. 94. She's from Minnesota, so she's all freaked out. I used to do earthquake rehab work and grew up in the San Fernando Valley. So I'm giving her The Don't Worry, 1972 house. Rocking and rolling. It's fine. And she's like, my apartment, my cat, my this and my that. I was like, look, I used to do.

[Gina Grad]

The cat's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Forget the cat. I used to do rehab work. I used to work on. I've done so much construction and so much earthquake rehab work. I said, it's only masonry. It's only unreinforced masonry. And your apartment's just some crappy stucco, you know, Valley Village, whatever place. It's fine. It's fine. My mom's house that they just tore down in North Hollywood, that thing was from the 18 somethings. It wasn't bolted down to the found. It wasn't anything. It just rocked and rolled. It's fine. Anything made out of wood and stucco, whatever siding. Fine. And we were at LA. Yeah, we're like La Crescenta. We're like, 10, 15 miles away. She was, like, in. She was like Sherman Oaks and right along the river. Right along the LA river in Sherman Oaks there. Anyway, her apartment was red flag. It was destroyed. She couldn't. Couldn't go back in her business. She worked at the, like, Rainforest Cafe on Ventura Boulevard. That was red flag, too. She had no job, no money, a blown head gasket, an apartment she couldn't go back into. Dead cat and a mom that was, like, on a plane coming from Minneapolis. And now she's held up in this crappy house that we're all living in with three roommates. And Mama's coming to stay for five days. And I got some sort of disease. I don't know what it is to this day, but I had ulcers on my face, my tongue.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Wait, what?

[Brian Bishop]

Shingles, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

I had something.

[Gina Grad]

You were like, chris Elliott and there's something about Mary.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I had night sweats where I would just sweat night sweats and ulcers breaking out on my face and my tongue and my lip. And I was a complete and utter disaster. I have no idea. Cause I didn't have insurance. We didn't have. Let's see, who was the president? Let's see. We didn't have Bill Clinton care back then.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, no Clinton right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Before. I didn't have any insurance. I didn't have any money. I didn't have anything. She didn't have any insurance. She didn't have any money. And I was just like, I'm sick, but I don't know what. And there's a knock on the door. And the door opened, and it was her mom. And she just looked at me. She's like, ulcers on my face and stuff. Like, standing in my bathrobe, all sweating, you know, the car steaming in the front driveway. And she's like. She didn't hesitate. She's like, what the fuck is going on in here? And I'm like, hey, sweetie, you're staying here for the next, like, five days. So I'd make the best of it. And she was like, I'm not fucking staying. Hey, your daughter's apartment is destroyed. You can't afford. And we literally threw down on the porch. Like, we got into it. I was in no mood either, because I was like, I'm diseased. I have no money. My job is. I worked in the basement of a building in Pasadena teaching boxing. And My job shut down temporarily as well. Her job. Nobody has any money. Your car's broken, we got nothing. You got a sofa. I got cankers and shankers and things coming off my face. And that was about as bad as it ever got.

[Gina Grad]

And then you had David Kimmel and everything was good.

[Adam Carolla]

I did. He swept out. I literally said, wow, this is. The quake was what, February 94? Toward the end of February 94. I was gonna turn 30 in May of 94. And I was like, man, you're gonna turn 30 and this is it. You got stuff all over your face and fat mother in law. I'm not mother in law, but God knows what I'm.

[Phoebe Robinson]

So what did have happened to your face? I just went away.

[Brian Bishop]

Facial shingles.

[Adam Carolla]

I just had. All I could do was sit and wait until everything went away. And that's all. The good news is I didn't. I wasn't getting a lot of commercial work.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, there's a lot of voiceover work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, mostly voiceover animated stuff like that. You know, voice of Mercedes.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I couldn't go to my job because my job was red flag. She couldn't go anywhere. Nobody could go anywhere. Nobody knew who I was and I wouldn't. There wasn't anywhere to go. So I just sat home and sweated all night.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh, geez. Well, I'm glad you're on the other side of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man, I came out the other side.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You're doing great.

[Adam Carolla]

And so what. So how did you. How did. Who brought up moving out?

[Phoebe Robinson]

I did. I was just like, I did the breaking up and then I was like, well, it's only for I should move out since I'm doing the breaking up. So I moved out. And yeah, I live in Brooklyn still. It's good. Things are good. We're fine.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the appropriate amount of pushback on you moving out? Cause I'll help you pack.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I want to know is

[Adam Carolla]

sort of an insult.

[Phoebe Robinson]

No, it was just, you know, I was just like trying to pack. Like it was like a one bedroom apartment and so it's kind of like railroad. So like you walk in, there's like the living room and you walk down this long hallway and there's a bedroom in the back. So I was like trying to pack as though I'm like not moving out because, like, he would be like, he would get home from work and, you know, like my clothes would be gone from the closet. We just like wouldn't talk about it. Like, I just felt. It felt horrible. This is my first move out. So I felt really like, was he heartbroken? We both were. It was, like, really sad. I mean, we were together, like, four years, and I think we both thought we were probably gonna get married at one point. So then it just became like, oh, yeah, that's not gonna happen. So it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw. I've seen St. Elmo's Fire, and I know that moving out can be sometimes contentious, but he was. He was okay.

[Phoebe Robinson]

He was good.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you just both realized you got to the end of this relationship.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I was a little concerned because he always. You watch, like, Dateline, so it was like, a woman breaks up with a white guy, he gets upset because he feels entitled, and then, like, the woman's dead. So I was very much like, I hope he's not, like, a crazy white guy. He hasn't show crazy white guy tendencies in our relationship. So I was a little fingers crossed on that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, do we need to know what he moves on to in terms of ethnicity? Cause I would like some. Follow. I'd like some closure to dope queen. Yes. He's moving on to the second queen. Or does he get with the white chick because he's checked that box? I'd like to.

[Phoebe Robinson]

He's racially open. We're both racially open people.

[Brian Bishop]

So Adam needs to know.

[Phoebe Robinson]

As soon as I find out, I will let you know who John dates next.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, tell him it's for me.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Quick question. Adam, Carolla needs to know who you're banging? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. Because there's a lot of guys I know who have. There's a lot of guys I know. Like, they like Asian women, and they just stick with Asian women. Yeah, one of my. Oh, this guy. Biggest.

[Phoebe Robinson]

But is it like Yellow fever, though, where it's offensive? Like, is it, like a fetish? Yeah. Is it a fetish? Or do you think he's actually respecting these women?

[Adam Carolla]

I've never. I can tell you. I like to judge, you know?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Me too.

[Adam Carolla]

I like to prejudge. And if you tell me, hey, there's this dude, and you haven't met him. I don't want you to meet him. And he strictly dates Asian women. I probably won't like the guy because there's usually. It's like. Because you start talking to him and it's like, well, they don't talk. They're real quiet. They're real subservient. Like, they. They take orders real well. You know what I mean? Like, they're hairless. Okay. That's the Point. But what I'm saying is it's like usually if that's a dude who has type of personality is looking for this.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't, I don't think it's like, ah, Asian, black woman, whatever. Bring him, bring him down. This guy has his.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Bring him down.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy has his. What is this, like a yard sale? Yeah. I had a friend in high school named Tom. He was a brother. He was.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That was said very white.

[Adam Carolla]

That was right.

[Phoebe Robinson]

He was a brother.

[Tom Arnold]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a brother. Two dope queens. This guy had two misfortunes. He was black, but he was the richest guy I knew in high school. His dad was a hand surgeon and so we always used to go and eat at his house and stuff. But he loved Asian women. Women. That's all he wanted. That's all he wanted. But he won like best physique, like back when they could give those awards out.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Wait, this was in high school and they gave out that award?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, they gave out. They give out like most humpable and stuff. Most date rapeable, sweetest package. Yeah, no, they literally, they had best physique, best, you know, female and male. You know, they had like biggest flirt and stuff like that. Like, stuff like they would never. You'd never get away with those. That just best looking.

[Gina Grad]

We had the most and the least, like the biggest guy and the smallest guy in the. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

I would never go today.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That's disrespectful.

[Tom Arnold]

That was 1996.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know who's the winner in that equation. I could make a pretty good argument against being either one of those guys. I got class clown, which I don't even know if they allow that anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

But this is a clown.

[Adam Carolla]

This was. Oh yeah, the clowns. Yeah. I don't know if they let you clownist this guy.

[Gina Grad]

I got best hair and that is not a joke.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

But that was an ironic thing.

[Gina Grad]

I was losing my hair and everyone blooded for me.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

You see, we could never do this anymore.

[Gina Grad]

They took a picture of the back

[Tom Arnold]

of my head in the yearbook.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you laugh?

[Tom Arnold]

Of course.

[Gina Grad]

I was in on the joke.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Okay, good. Okay, good.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy Tom was best physique. He was just one of these guys with no waist and was all arms and he lifted weights all the time and he just was an amazing adonis and he could have nailed any black chick or white chick in the school, but he was only focused on Asian women and that shrunk the pool of potential Bonies down to next to nothing.

[Gina Grad]

Honors class.

[Adam Carolla]

And I just tell like all the time, like, Tom, man sprinkle, get her and get her. He's like, I like. I like the Asian women. I'm like, why are you doing this to your. You and your cop? Why would you do this to yourself? How would you know? Just go have. Yeah, you're in a buffet.

[Brian Bishop]

Why?

[Gina Grad]

Just go ahead at the sushi.

[Adam Carolla]

You won best physique in high school.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes. Get some barbecue.

[Gina Grad]

That's right.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Barbecue is black people.

[Gina Grad]

Are white people.

[Tom Arnold]

How dare you, by the way?

[Phoebe Robinson]

I just want to know what you were.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe that's offensive.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you talking about? Black is Mac and cheese. I'm sorry for that offensive stereotype. Yeah, ironic. The white rice, not the white people. So what about you? We opened, so we're open to dating anybody, anything.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you looking for?

[Phoebe Robinson]

I think I want someone older. I'm 32 and I've dated younger. And I think I need a guy who's like late 30s to mid-40s. Just like grown ass dude who knows what he wants once has a job. Has a job, has a headboard.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It's all very important stuff, you know, I don't know, like, funny. It's always weird because being a funny person, someone. I don't know if this happens when you were dating women. Were women, like, trying to show you how funny they were or like how cool they were, but I feel like, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so, so tuned out.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That is. That's so progressive of you.

[Adam Carolla]

I. You know, I think every. I think people will back me up. I think I'm never really on, but I'm never really off. I'm just sort of whatever you hear here is kind of what you get people.

[Gina Grad]

I'm sure genie get this all the time. People ask, what's Adam like off the air, what's Adam really like? And I was like, he's exactly the same, minus about 20%.

[Brian Bishop]

I just burst into tears and say nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I, like the sense of humor is great, but it's also kind of like, for me, it's my world is comedy. So I kind of get enough of it and go talk about something else.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, at least they appreciate your sense of humor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

And that's. That's pretty much it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I'm flexible. I'm pretty open.

[Gina Grad]

Phoebe, if sense of humor, being funny is not important to you, there's a guy named Vinnie Twer coming in tomorrow who checks all the other boxes you may want to. May want to meet.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

He's a nice guy.

[Gina Grad]

He's a nice guy. He owns his own business.

[Phoebe Robinson]

What's his business?

[Gina Grad]

He's a fitness. He's using.

[Adam Carolla]

Super.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I need that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's exciting.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Okay, what's he. What does he look like?

[Adam Carolla]

A good looking Italian guy. Like a very good. Very, very in shape. There's a nice picture. You can hit that.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I could hit that. Yeah. He's cute.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

There's the body shot.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he's very fit.

[Phoebe Robinson]

He's too ripped. I don't think he would.

[Brian Bishop]

He wouldn't disagree with you on that.

[Adam Carolla]

I would describe you as beautiful with that new vagina smell. Not all worn out.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Can you put that on the back of my book? Put that on the back of my book. That'll be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Low mileage.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Okay, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

24 is about. About as old as losing Virginia. I think we've had in here in a while.

[Phoebe Robinson]

When did you guys lose?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I was 16 and a half or something. Something in there. I was in high school. I was in the. Going into the old 11th grade.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I think that's nice. Was it horrible? Were you just God awful?

[Adam Carolla]

It was literally. Yes, yes, I was horrible. But I was so consumed with. I have this bad. I have this. I have bad wiring, and my wiring is such that if I were like at the super bowl on the 15th yard line, my wiring is. We gotta get this game over with so I can go tell people I was at the super bowl, not sit back and enjoy the Super Bowl.

[Phoebe Robinson]

And are you still like that now? Still disappointing women now?

[Adam Carolla]

I have a rich tradition of disappointing women since 1981.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

A tradition of disappointment since 1981. Yeah. Queen. It says it on my pistol. That's on my business card. Disappointing since 1981. Yeah. Yes. Unsatisfied customer.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Okay. Do you. Do you. In other. Do you like, go down, like, are you down to go down and do you give it like, your all?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, it's exciting. That's my wife. Yeah. No, I wouldn't say I give it my all. I don't. Bare minimum, there's a position, I'm sad to say you get into, like any relationship, any job, anything where you kind of think, well, not what do I do to really make this company rich, but what do I do not to get fired?

[Gina Grad]

I'm with you.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? It's a different setting. You got a pension coming. Speaking of, by the way, a Nice chasm in. Hey, boss, I know you're happy to hear this out of the same mouth Nate over at the other shop, who I've used an example. I've used as an example before because he wrestled state championship wrestler in Montana. And then Gary had the misfortune, I think one. One month, one day, this, I don't know, two years ago or something. I said, gary went somewhere and then came back. And I said, where'd you go? He said, I got my hair cut. And I said, that's for Saturdays. These are work days. And then I walked to the next shop and Nate had got his haircut that day. And I said, nate, you got your haircut today? And he said, yeah, I got it at 8 in the morning before I came in. And I thought, ooh, bad timing for Gary, but funny timing for me because I was just talking about getting your hair cut. And Nate just said this to me. He said, I had my physical. I had my physical here at the office. I don't take time off to go to a doctor and make an appointment and get a physical. They have mobile physicals now. They come right to the office. I can get a lot of work done that way. And they said, okay, I appreciate that attitude, Nate. And he said, and also I got a cutout early today. And I said, why? And he said, I'm in a hellacious poker tournament. I won my last time around at the bicycle Club, and I got to get down to Gardena before one o' clock because now I'm in the pool to win, like, millions of dollars.

[Gina Grad]

God damn. I respect that.

[Adam Carolla]

But as a boss, I was torn. I liked the first part of the. Of conversation with the. You're getting a mobile physical just so you can physically spend more time, but obviously you have a gambling addiction that he's tending to. In the middle of the day, you have to head out to Gardena and go finish your gambling addiction. It was a weird. Like, I was happy.

[Gina Grad]

Mixed signals.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, mixed, mixed signals. All right. Phoebe is in the middle of her tour. We need to take a break. The book youk Can't Touch My Hair and Other Things I Still have to Explain, available now on Amazon. Amazon. The podcast. What's the podcast called? Wait a minute, Brian. Two Dope Queens

[Gina Grad]

really sell it this time.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here we go. Two Dope Queens. There you go. I mean, if I go any more urban, it's going to be offensive.

[Gina Grad]

That's right. Not an act at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's available on itunes as we speak. And the Podcast. So many white guys. Yeah, I think I'm allowed to sound white on that one. Yeah, that's available now as well. Website. Phoeberobinson.com is where you go, Phoebe. Thanks for coming in.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Thanks for having me. You guys are awesome. Had a blast.

[Adam Carolla]

A nice little slice. We'll be right back with news and more after this. And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew. On the Adam Corolla show, dateline, Lee County, Georgia. A 54 year old man accidentally shot his mother in law with a 9 millimeter pistol. When the shot ricocheted off an animal, hit a fence and went through the back door of her mobile home. The shot ricochet off the back of an armadillo. Definitely not a Jew. Yeah, man. All right, let's see, we got one more call up there. We got news and all that to get into as well. Let me just hit Autumn here. Hey, Autumn.

[Autumn]

Hey, how's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, are you Autumn the dude?

[Autumn]

Yeah. My mom wanted a girl.

[Gina Grad]

Wow, that's kind of a hippie thing.

[Brian Bishop]

That's our first autumn.

[Autumn]

My mom had a marijuana leaf on her senior picture on her lapel.

[Brian Bishop]

God love her.

[Gina Grad]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Well, listen, I wanted a Rolls Royce or Bentley, but I had a Mazda pickup truck when I was 19. But I wouldn't introduce it as anything other than a Mazda pickup truck. Like this thing where it's like, I've had this a lot of times. Like I wanted a. I wanted a girl. Right. Then you got a boy. And so you have to alter whatever it is you.

[Brian Bishop]

Otto.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that's. That's my mom.

[Autumn]

And my dad had a huge bet going whether or not it'd be a boy or a girl. My mom was so stuck to her guns that she was gonna have a girl. She's like, well, it's gonna be named Autumn regardless. That's how confident I am. So I guess. But here's the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

So they had a bet and you lost.

[Autumn]

You never met me, but I'm 6 foot and I can bench 350 and I look like it. So I kind of bail. Bailed my parents out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Boy Named Autumn. It's a Johnny Cash song. And love a song. Love that song because if you listen to it, it's just a perfect. You ever boy an answer and you break it down. It's like, I knew I wasn't gonna be around. I knew it was gonna be tough. I knew you're gonna have to be tough. No one would ever be able to write that song.

[Gina Grad]

A great twist at the end you'd

[Brian Bishop]

get tough or die.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There'd be a song called A dad got Sued. You named your son Sue. And then he got representation and then went back and became legally emancipated as a minor. And then he got. He got hooked up with Garrigas and they sued your ass. That would be. That would be the name of the new song that's coming out. All right, so, Autumn. A Boy that sued, A boy that sued. What is. What's on your mind?

[Autumn]

I. About a couple months ago, I've been meaning to call. I haven't been getting through. I picked up a marble mosaic in Iowa. I drive semi for a living. And I took it out. Remember that lady was found in the Walmart? She'd been there for a couple of months. I took it to a. A lumber yard, a couple. About a mile and a half from there.

[Adam Carolla]

Not even.

[Autumn]

And for the state of California. And it was for four different rest areas that are putting on Highway 1 to put these marble mosaics. I put. I picked up one of four there. I think I got the bird. I think it was a condor. I don't know California well enough. There was one of a bear and there was two other animals. And I got the. I think I got the bird one.

[Adam Carolla]

You picked it up because that's. You do for a living.

[Autumn]

Yes, correct. That's what I did. I picked up this marble mosaic and they were telling me it's one of four. I got to see all four designs and it was completely made out of marble because, you know, California has that extra money laying around.

[Adam Carolla]

Did this really just happen or are you just trying to get Gina on a plane to suck your dick? I mean, because this is pretty hot stuff. Hey ladies. Yeah. You familiar with the California mosaic series?

[Gina Grad]

Yes, of course.

[Brian Bishop]

Obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they have the bear, right? Condor, State bird.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah, yeah, I'm familiar.

[Adam Carolla]

What is that? Well, these are mosaics.

[Brian Bishop]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

Made of marble.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you mind if I take this off?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I drive a stake bed, so I need a mop. Yeah, there's a. There's a Johnny lift on the back. So it's one of those gates that lifts up. So the gate will fold down and then I or anyone else who's certified to do it. And that takes almost half a day to get certified. We'll then take the handle, push it up on the lift and then the thing goes up. Then we go ahead and have to secure it in the back of the steak bed.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry, are you doing anything after this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, well, I'm moving more mosaics.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, keep talking, daddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's only by the way, hey, I'm amongst the first people to lay. I mean obviously there's the group of artisans that put them together, know what they look like. But in terms of the general public, you want a sneak peek, you gotta go through me.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, what's it gonna take? I'll do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm thinking. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Now anything to get a peek at that condo.

[Adam Carolla]

48 hours from now it will be in place and millions of taxpayers will be bored and angry wanting to know A, what the fuck this is and B, how much we spend spent on it.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But until then, I'm kind of the gatekeeper. You mean the condor. I want to just open my fly and you can go ahead and crawl through that. It's going to crawl through that spider hole.

[Gina Grad]

Autumn, is that your life?

[Autumn]

Well, another expensive thing I did is I picked up the sighting out of Massachusetts and I took it to Paris Hilton's house in Aspen. That's the other high dollar thing I've also hauled.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, at this point there's really no division between you and Paris Hilton. You're both celebrities, you're both interested in siding.

[Gina Grad]

She may while driving the truck back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Woo.

[Adam Carolla]

How big is this mosaic? Cause see what we do, here's what we do in California and they must do them in other states as well. But we have, you know, our educational system is horrible, the roads themselves are horrible, the homeless problem is horrible, the traffic is horrible and the air is horrible. But we do have like a bronze bell that's the size of a 1 gallon paint bucket that's up on a bronze stick that lines has historic Route 66 and you will be able to see those every four miles and that we will dump our money into.

[Gina Grad]

We line highways well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we line highways well. And it's a kind of a. I have this theory. It's sort of like the person that's, you know, the like, like the person that's really down on their luck and fallen from grace and the business has gone belly up and blah blah, blah. We used to be a celebrity or not, but they dress to the nines they want and they pull up the Tercel around the of the party and they park it there and then they come around front and they have, they have a Rolex and it's like you have this thing where it's like he has spats and a Rolex. He's going back to a crappy apartment in a Tercel. Like, we like to go, hey, look how good we're doing. This is what we have by the side of the road. But if you follow the road, you'll land in a pothole and. Or eventually show up at a homeless encampment. Yes. How big is this bad boy on him? Oh, did he fall off? Did I put him on hold or something? Oh, sorry.

[Gina Grad]

He's online, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is it? Where is it? And how big is it?

[Autumn]

Each mosaic took a semi because of weight because, you know, marble's pretty heavy. So all four animals took. Were hauled out of Iowa, took out to California on four separate trucks. I was one of four.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is the Nina, the Pinto, the Santa Maria, and the. Yeah. Pinton that Peter built. And how big? How large? Where are they in California? Where do we install these things?

[Autumn]

Like I said, I delivered it to Salinas. I think Gina probably remember that story she gave her. That lady was in the Walmart parking lot for all those months.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's why you brought that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah, yeah.

[Autumn]

Because of Highway 1, you can't take a semi on there, and that part is restricted. So what we did is we had to go to a lumber yard, and you delivered it to the lumber. And they probably paid them money, too, to rent the space, and they took it off. And then the state of California was going to come up there, and individual, like, they can platform trucks pick it up, then haul them down to the various rest areas on Highway 1.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even like the idea that we have rest areas. Rest areas. All they are is places to murder and have gay sex, Right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It comes right down to it.

[Brian Bishop]

And there's also a downside.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because if you really just got to take a leak, you just go to the In N Out Burger, and you get. Get yourself a double. Double and squat a load. Right. Like, you don't have to. All right. How big, though, Autumn? I want to know how big physically, these things are.

[Autumn]

Like I said, I apologize. I don't know the exact dimensions. All I know is each one was right around £40,000.

[Adam Carolla]

And you eyeballed this thing you had. Hold on, Autumn. This thing was in the back of your rig from Wisconsin all the way to California, Right?

[Autumn]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

And you saw it loaded and unload. Correct.

[Gina Grad]

Go to several weigh stations.

[Autumn]

Yeah, well, yeah, I know the weight. I'm telling you, when they laid it down on the.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second.

[Brian Bishop]

Now you're making a man.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, like, there's a TV in the Other room, it's in a box. You know, if somebody said to me, what size is the box? I'd go, it looks. It's probably about 36, 38 hind, maybe about 5, 5 and a half, 60, 65 long. That's what I would say about. Sure. I've seen it, give or take. I eyeballed it. The weight is tough because things made of marble, we really can't guess the size because I don't know if it's 6 inches thick or 10 or a foot thick. I'm just saying there's a guy who eyeballed it. I want some round numbers on the eyeballing and do not factor in the weight. Go, Autumn.

[Autumn]

Sorry. I'm guessing about 42 foot by 2 foot squares, so it'd be pretty good size.

[Adam Carolla]

That is 42 foot by 2 foot squares. Okay, so it's a mosaic. Not a mosaic. In a mosaic. It is a mosaic. I mean, you assemble the mosaic.

[Gina Grad]

All right, 80 by 80. Am I doing the math right?

[Adam Carolla]

Something like that, yeah. All right, thanks, Autumn. I appreciate it.

[Autumn]

Oh, no problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Brothers, Sisters?

[Autumn]

I have four sisters, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you got four sisters. And your. Your mom wanted a girl, probably for a younger sister.

[Autumn]

I'm the oldest, obviously. My older sister is Summer. Then I got Melody, then Alexis and Callie. And Callie's middle name is Spring.

[Tom Arnold]

That makes you happy?

[Adam Carolla]

And Mom. Hippie. And you're angry at her?

[Autumn]

No, I love my mom. She's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Sound like you're pissed earlier. No. Well, no.

[Autumn]

You're trying to get me to give the exact dimensions. They're in crates. I couldn't. I can't tell how it's going to be, how big it's going to be.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm talking about you around.

[Autumn]

If they're just crated up.

[Gina Grad]

Autumn's getting salty.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your mom way?

[Tom Arnold]

I don't want the dimensions.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's. I think we're. We're going off into the weeds here. Thanks.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you, Autumn. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. That's all right. That's all right.

[Gina Grad]

You're good.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. We're good. All right. We'll get the news ready.

[Gina Grad]

We really do appreciate the callers.

[Adam Carolla]

We do. Brian. Brian had his own little line after the show. Oh, look at you.

[Gina Grad]

It was just the people who were disappointed Gina wasn't there.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that must be it.

[Adam Carolla]

Had a nice little. Buying his books and getting autographs.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Look at you.

[Brian Bishop]

Very stud.

[Adam Carolla]

Very nice.

[Gina Grad]

The coolest part is when people bring the book they've had for a Couple years. Like, oh, this book you might sign up for, it's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we'll do the news in one second. First, lifelock, baby. You hear all the news, right? About the hacked emails? Public officials are getting their stuff hacked. Let's not end up that way, man. Good boy. Cybersecurity, you need it. Identity theft, America's fastest growing crime. I have lifelock. My wife has it, my kids have it. Everybody has lifelock around here. If you have a problem, and you won't, but if you do, they're US based, so they'll fix it fast. They don't outsource. It's 2016, everybody. God, so much shopping going on online and so convenient. But pay the fiddler. Just $999 a month for lifelock. That's right. Starts as low as $9.99 a month. And again, it's like you didn't have cars in the past. Now you have cars, you get a little car insurance and it's well worth the money. This is less expensive version of that. All the gas, all the time. Everything you save, being able to be out there online, get yourself some protection, some insurance. LifeLock just 9.99amonth. LifeLock. Dawson, go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-Lifelock and use promo code ADAM. That's ADAM. For 10% off your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership, call 1-800-LifelaLock. 1-800-LifelOCK. All right, should we do some news? Gina Grad.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do it. Give me the News with Grad. News with Gina Grad.

[Tom Arnold]

Show bids Congress take tech news. Sports news, world news. Give me news with Gina Grad.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird shit out of Florida sex surveys. Obama need News with Gina Gina Grad. The news with Gina Grad.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the gloves came off Sunday night when Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump debated in a town hall setting at Washington University in St. Louis. When the question about the tape of Trump making lewd comments came up, Clinton unleashed an offensive, connecting that tape to comments he'd made about former Ms. Universalicia Machado. Trump fired back, pointing out the allegations against Bill Clinton from Paula Jones and Hillary's defense of an accused rapist as a public defender. Now, before we go any further, just in case somebody got hit with something heavy even living under a rock, let's play the first cut of this audio that was leaked from Access Hollywood.

[Gina Grad]

You have done it on the show,

[Adam Carolla]

so I might as well the Billy Bush.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I gotta use some Tic Tacs just in case. I Start kissing her.

[Tom Arnold]

You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

I just start kissing them.

[Tom Arnold]

It's like a magnet. Just kiss.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know. And when you're a star, they let you do it.

[Gina Grad]

You can do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever you want. Grab them by the pussy.

[Tom Arnold]

You can do anything.

[Brian Bishop]

So that came up a lot. That came up over the weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. You know, everyone has to pretend like they've never heard this talk before. No guy's ever done this before. Everyone's gonna be outraged.

[Brian Bishop]

Does anyone grab it?

[Adam Carolla]

No. That's a weird one. But I never. I didn't really get a clear shot at this thing. He's cracking up. Billy Bush. And attempting to go further in his cracking up of Billy Bush, who's probably not laughing for real, but he's doing a sort of courtesy. This guy's doing this laugh, which is egging. I feel like it's egging him on.

[Gina Grad]

You got it, man.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an element of that that I never really thought. Thought about before. The dudes.

[Brian Bishop]

But anyway, actually, just to get out of order for a little bit, I don't know if. You obviously didn't have a chance to see any of the SNL skits of.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw. Yeah, we saw little bits and pieces of it because we're. Again, we're all over the place, traveling and everything and might as well just

[Brian Bishop]

throw this in now since we're talking about it. Alec Baldwin is killing it as Trump. He's so good. Here's a little clip. I wish.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't Gilbert Godfrey get into some kind of trouble so I could get some more?

[Brian Bishop]

That'd be great.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Gina Grad]

If only Norm MacDonald would just give him some kind of scandal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, couldn't. Well, they probably have some. Yes, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry they had to do this at the last minute for snl. And here's a clip. Now, these comments have specifically offended women. What would you say to women voters

[Adam Carolla]

watching this right now? Just making some great points.

[Tom Arnold]

I would say this. Listen, women, if you give me a chance, I promise I can do a whole lot more than just grab it. I can also bop it, twist it and pull it.

[Brian Bishop]

So they went on for a while. It was. It was pretty great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So anyway, real quick.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry. I thought I had. When I saw that was. Alec Baldwin was killing it. He's hysterical. He's perfect. He. He's everybody. Everything that he's made up to be. It makes me miss Phil Hartman a little bit. I was just thinking how in his element, Phil Hartman would Be doing a Donald Trump. He did a great Donald Trump back in the day. He didn't do it that much because he wasn't in the news that much, but he did a great Donald Trump. And Phil Hartman is probably one of the most in this era of, you know, viral videos and stuff like that, he would be everywhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Clinton was awesome, too.

[Adam Carolla]

I do miss that guy, too. Nothing.

[Gina Grad]

That's Alex Baldwin. He's hysterical, but I'm like, makes you remember.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we have a couple of highlights from the town hall debate. In this first clip, moderator Anderson Cooper presses Trump on the newly released tapes.

[Adam Carolla]

You called what you said locker room banter. You described kissing women without consent, grabbing their genitals. That is sexual assault. You brag that you have sexually assaulted women. Do you understand that? No, I didn't. Shut up, Anderson. I can't stand it. I know. I know you can. Stop it. I know every. Anderson Cooper doesn't think he's sexually assaulting people. It's sad. Look, he's not.

[Gina Grad]

I never grabbed anyone by the pussy.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that is a very fair point.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good point. I have to be in this weird position where it's like, you don't want to defend Trump, but we're all such fucking pussies now. We all pretend everything is everything now.

[Gina Grad]

This is bad for Trump. But there is a bit of grandstanding. There's this layer of cake that is a bit of a.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta address this. You have to address it. You have to bring it up. You have to bring it up in the. Well, I guess you do. You have to bring this up, but you don't have to. You don't have to essentially accuse him of assault.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's what I was wondering. That it had to get in somehow, and they had to form it in the form of a question. So you did this. Do you understand? That seemed like the only way to get it in as a question. I feel like.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was all right with the question part. I was just. The part where he's, like, explaining the law to him and asking him if he was a fellow violent felon, basically. It was like, come on, Anderson, just mediate, moderate.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Donald did give a lovely monologue about ISIS to explain if he was a suspect.

[Adam Carolla]

That was insane.

[Gina Grad]

He was a bit rambling.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a very stupid answer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Well, next.

[Adam Carolla]

He was smart at a certain point when he just said, look, I just talked about it. Your husband did it.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like. That's your answer. I joke about it. The guy you married does it? And you defend him and try to throw shade at the women who are accused of doing it. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

VIPs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the next clip, Hillary compares her comments to Abe Lincoln. That was something I said about Abraham Lincoln.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Will you stop it for a second? The question, I apologize was you basically have said before that you're allowed to give a different answer in private than you'd give in public. So do you stand behind being two faced? And this is what she said after having seen the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie, movie called Lincoln. It was a master class watching President Lincoln get the Congress to approve the 13th Amendment. It was principled and it was strategic. And I was making the point that it is hard sometimes to get the Congress to do what you want to do and you have to keep working at it. And yes, President Lincoln was trying to convince some people, he used some arguments. Convincing other people, he used other arguments. That was a great, I thought a great display of presidential leadership.

[Adam Carolla]

She, by the way, prepared.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I was gonna say.

[Adam Carolla]

Now this is a perfect thing because I don't know what Trump does, but you have to know other than grab pussy. But you gotta know this question's coming early, clean, it's coming often. So what you need is a sort of prepared. Here's what you're going to get. In a way, it's like you're going down the highway, you're swerving, you see the rollers hit on the cruiser behind you. They're going to. It's Saturday night, someone's going to ask if you've been drinking. Start, think out an answer, work something out. Now this is that. Now in that case, you may be drunk and have 28 seconds to come up with something. In this case, you have to 48 hours to come up with something. And the something is a pretty simple. The first thing you do is just you do what Hillary does, but you go look. Yeah, that's the way I talk. I'm from New York, it's locker room talk. I was with Billy Bush. I'm sorry I offended anyone, I apologize or whatever. But I talk. He does. Her husband lives it. I'm just talking it. But then he starts, but he starts rambling into isis, which just says sounds insane. Which is she knew about this and Gary, you can help me. But she was making a speech to donors. I think she probably said something that didn't sound great. And then she prepared for this question and took it and spun it into I'm Abe Lincoln movie critique here. Which I don't think was. I don't know what the actual. I don't know if she was lying about it or she was talking to her donors about. Absolutely Blinken, but I don't know either. Whatever it is, Gary can figure it out. It was one of those Mitt Romney things where she said something in front of a group and somebody got it and they didn't. They spun it into something negative or it was something negative and she knew it was coming.

[Gina Grad]

From the best of my understanding, she was speaking to a group of donors and she was lamenting how hard it was to get something done in Congress and she was seeing as being negative

[Adam Carolla]

towards her Democratic brothers in arms. Right. But she wasn't critiquing a movie.

[Gina Grad]

No, she's.

[Brian Bishop]

Did Abe Lincoln ever come out?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. So she's lying. But good for her. She prepared. She knew this one was coming and she just did a whole spin of like it went from. You were talking shit about being two faced and you got caught being two faced. You just spun it into. I study the great Abe Lincoln and how he had this positive.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's where Trump falls short. And then I guess you could really ask yourself, like, see to me,

[Tom Arnold]

the

[Adam Carolla]

Trump where it's like Trump's talk and snatch with Billy Bush, I don't care about that because God knows if we mic'd up JFK what he would have said back in the day or the Founding Fathers or whomever. But the part where you're going into one of the most important days of Your life, it's 48 hours, literally, is the heads up you have. This is the biggest, hottest, breakingest thing in the world. You know, Anderson Cooper's going to give you a snow shovel full of it right at the top of this thing. And how you cannot. It's the easiest. I mean, they literally, they have media training. You guys are learning through the hit program Bull. Now that they have mock trials and mock jurors. I mean, Oprah went. That's how Oprah met Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil used to do, he used to like coach people up. You can, I've been through it myself. Like, you sit down. They run, they'll do dry runs where they'll start asking you tough questions and stuff like that. On this one, one topic, just literally go, here is your two paragraph answer. Commit it to memory. Just commit it to memory and spit this out.

[Gina Grad]

They're going to get asked. You're going to get asked right away.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all. And don't start weaving into ISIS and building classy walls and things like it. Just on this particular one. Just that. Now the part where he says says grab a pussy. Not scary to me. The part where he can't foresee this coming, prepare for it and have some very sober answer that is a little contrite and a little bit, I apologize to my wife and I apologize, little thing. Give a little pushback toward Hillary with Bill and then let's move on.

[Gina Grad]

I agree with that. The grab the pussy thing is it's gross and it's offensive and it's all those things. Things. It's not presidential. It's all those things. But the thing that is actually worrisome is you knew this is coming. You could have very easily prepared for this. This is alarming that you couldn't brace yourself for this. Prepare for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson did a mashup, by the way, that he'd like to share with us. Well, hold on one second. First one of our favorite, we do the mashups from time to time. True car, baby. Mmm, yeah, man. You want to buy new? You want to buy new? Used? You want to buy at TrueCar, they have certified dealers all over the place. So again, new or used doesn't matter. Get your price, get it up front, lock it in, find out exactly what everyone is paying real time in your area and then go get your car. Chris, Max Pata did that. I'd do it. They just keep giving me free jags. What can I say, it's raining jags. But today that spigot shuts off. I'm hitting a truecar. So again, find out what everyone paid right in real time. Lock it in. No haggling. Go get it. TrueCar users save an average of 3279 bucks off of MSRP. Buy new, buy used, whatever you like. Just visit Trucar.com or you can download the app TrueCarApp. But Trucar.com is where you go for all your automotive needs. New or used TrueCar. Alright Dawson, you want the two minute version or the three minute version? Give us the two. We're running late here. I moved on her actually, you know, she was down in Palm Beach. I moved on her and I failed. I'll admit it.

[Tom Arnold]

I did try.

[Adam Carolla]

And her, she was married

[Tom Arnold]

and I

[Adam Carolla]

moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping every now if you wanted to get some furniture, I said I'll show you where they have some nice furniture. But I couldn't get there. And she was married, stealing all our time. I moved on her like a.

[Gina Grad]

I

[Adam Carolla]

did try and her it soon takes so much. She's your girl's hottest we forget to turn. She's now got the big phony fits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I did try and her. Whoa. Whoa.

[Tom Arnold]

Yes, the Donald is good.

[Adam Carolla]

Grab by the pussy. Whoa. I moved on her like a. Whoa.

[Gina Grad]

She's your girl's hottest sketch.

[Adam Carolla]

Grab by the pussy. Yes, the Donald is score. Grabbed by the. Whoa. I moved on her like a. Yes. Whoa.

[Gina Grad]

She's your girl's hottest.

[Adam Carolla]

Grab by the. Yes, the do this. Melania said grab by the.

[Tom Arnold]

You know, Billy Bush.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, shorty, grab. Whoa.

[Gina Grad]

Now if you had to choose honestly between one of us, me or the Dominican.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

That's self complication.

[Gina Grad]

Seriously, you had to take one of

[Adam Carolla]

us as a date. Have to take the fifth on that one.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Nicely done.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice work, Dawson.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, the more I hear him say grab him by the pussy, the more I think of 40 year old virgin when he's trying to explain sex. Like he's done it before playing cards,

[Gina Grad]

what it feels like for boobs.

[Brian Bishop]

Does it kind of feel like maybe Donald's never figured it out? Grab it.

[Adam Carolla]

I always feel bad for the Billy Bushes in this situation.

[Gina Grad]

Let's not lose sight of what a douchebag Billy Bush comes off as.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he's the only Bush in this campaign that matters.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't. Here's the problem, and I'll just let everyone realize this. I don't know a dude if you're hanging around. Look, Donald Trump is bigger than life in real life. He really is like sort of this force, you know? And he's coming at you with the hair and the ties, and he's like 64 and everything. He's like 270 pounds, you know, and Billy Bush is sort of diminutive. And he'll come at you and he'll go, hey, Adam, how you doing? Hey, we're gonna knock this out of the park every night, huh? It's gonna be the best show ever. Am I right? All right. And you just go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you may look the. The worst. Your worst nightmare is being mic'd up. Because I don't know Billy well, but I know what he's doing.

[Brian Bishop]

He's following his lead.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, yeah. Hey, the Donald. Hey. Hey, look at that. Hey, hot pizza. Oh, I love hot pizza ass myself. I don't know. He's doing what any one of us. I don't know a guy who would Go. I know guys who'd reel it in a little. I don't know a guy who would go, stop, that's offensive. I have a daughter. You're making this uncomfortable. And as a matter of fact, if we could just pretty much stick to conversation that didn't have to do with a woman or anatomy. Because right now, the way you're speaking, it's very difficult for me to continue to stay in your presence. No, Every guy I know would just be like, and then he's probably going to go home and tell his wife what a douchebag the guy is. But every guy will do the. All right, all right.

[Tom Arnold]

Woo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's get out. But let's get out of here.

[Gina Grad]

Do you think, honestly, Billy Bush remembered this incident? Like when someone's like, hey, there's tape. He's like, what?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Nine years ago?

[Adam Carolla]

I have no idea. I've been mic'd up a thousand times and I've stood around and had the conversation. That would be hideous conversations with people all the time. But that is Billy trying to just kind of getting caught up in his atmosphere. Agreed. And not wanting to have an uncomfortable, weird moment. I would say there's less than 1% of guys who would go. And you'd have to be deeply religious to go, I have a mother, I have a daughter, and I'm married. And I really don't appreciate the tone you're using. We all pretend that's what we would do.

[Gina Grad]

But Tim Tebow, let me tell you some stories.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, maybe, maybe Tebow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But other than that, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, and right when this came out, they said Billy Bush's job is safe and he's gonna issue an apology. And then they said he got suspended and NBC suspended him.

[Gina Grad]

Why from the Today show is he

[Brian Bishop]

on both from the Today show?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel. I mean, first off, I got news. We're getting pretty slippery here when people mic people up. I mean, we're getting to some really scary territory here where somebody hangs a boom mic on your Saturday poker game with the fellas and you've had a few beers and then plays the tape for the bo and then you get suspended. Like this is getting into some weird territory.

[Gina Grad]

Like d' Angelo Russell for the Lakers, remember? Yeah, yeah, he's talking some extra marital affairs.

[Adam Carolla]

The part where somebody grabs it and throws it out there all over, everywhere, all the time is punishment enough, by the way, for Billy Bush, in terms of his punishment. He's got a wife, he's got kids now that are probably find out Gary. But I'll bet he has teenage kids or kids that are old enough to hear what Daddy's going through. He's certainly got a woman that's probably not happy, but he's being punished at home.

[Brian Bishop]

He's also Bush, by the way. He's George H.W. bush's nephew.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Bishop]

So there's that, too.

[Adam Carolla]

There's that, too. But the notion of such an idiot,

[Gina Grad]

I did not know that until just now.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

You are being mind mic'd up and you're off camera. And this is a private conversation you're having. And we're allowed to take this and use it to discipline you from 15 years or 10 years ago or whatever it is. I don't know, people. Is that really where you wanna go as a country?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's just crazy. Doesn't it feel like we're going in two directions at once? I mean, we're seeing it happen in Lifetime. Donald says crazy things and grab them by the pussy and rapists, Mexicans, and we're all clutching our pearls at other things and firing people. So one's okay. One is like we're going in two different directions at once. It feels like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I agree. And I just feel like Billy Bush, who's been married since 98 so he could have some teenage daughters, and believe you me, he's getting his punishment. We don't need to yank him off. As a matter of fact, you need to ham on and talk about it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I agree.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, Trump then said he's gonna look into Hillary's emails if he's elected. This is when things got a little dark.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't think I'd say this, but I'm going to say it, and I hate to say it. If I win, I am going to instruct my Attorney General to get a special prosecutor to look into your situation. Because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it. And we're going to have a special prosecutor. When I say speak, I go out and speak. The people of this country are furious. I felt about this debate. But you guys tell me the first one. I think the consensus was that Trump got out of the gate okay, and then just wilted, stumbled and just kept stumbling on. Don't worry, like the first 15, 20 minutes seemed to be pretty good, and then the last hour and 10 just blah. This one, when I saw him get out of the gate with the ISIS thing and. And as it pertains to grabbing pussy, he got out of the gate. And I was like, oh, boy, now this one, we're not even going to spend 30 seconds. But I felt like he corrected and I actually felt like the second part, he was better than this one than that. And I had said I was trying to think if I was to break them down, I would probably say that on the first debate, if was it. It was sort of. If 50, 50 was a tie, I'd probably give Hillary like a 70, 30, 65, 35 kind of thing. And on this one, I'd probably give like a 55, 60, 40 in Donald's favor on this one. Interesting. I thought he. I don't know what means to not to win a debate by nose, but this one I felt he did better at.

[Gina Grad]

He did, in my opinion. I think he did much better. I think that's why everyone thinks he did so well, Quote, unquote. He did way better than the first time. But I don't know if anyone really won. Do you guys came away just feeling just kind of icky, like it was the whole thing just kind of distasteful.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Twitter won because if you were on Twitter, there was some decent jokes getting. But Donald had some good jabs that, you know, they said stay quiet, no noise, no cheering, no booing. But after the email conversation, he got this jab in. It's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our

[Adam Carolla]

country because you'd be in jail.

[Brian Bishop]

Secretary Clinton, a lot of people talking about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe the forum, the town hall, maybe it's a little better for him. Maybe he's better. It's funny because the whole walking around and having on a show, all the

[Gina Grad]

talk going up to it was, this is not going to be his forum. This is not his form. He's just talking about not big crowds. That was the talk. Anyway, the analysts were saying that he did better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's interesting that you guys thought he was better in this one. I actually thought it was the opposite. I thought he, Hillary stayed quiet enough to just let him shine his own spotlight on what a caricature he was being. So I found it much harder to take him seriously this time as opposed to the first debate.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Like I said, it got out of the gate real rough with that tying in the pussy with the ISIS thing and then seemed to correct course, got in a couple of. Of decent jabs. And I don't know, I don't know what the consensus. What are the Experts, the pundits, how do they. I haven't heard anybody or listen to anyone. The pundits said Hillary won the first one, and Donald sort of presented himself. Okay.

[Gina Grad]

I've seen it go both ways. Gina has both ways, same thing. And let me say he did better. He did better than he did the first time.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, that I. Well, at the very end, it was sort of adorable. The last question they took, even though they were stretched for time. Hillary, Donald, please say, say one thing nice about each other. Say one thing you respect in each other. Hillary went first, and this is as much as she could muster. I respect his children. His children are incredibly able and devoted, and I think that says a lot about Donald. I don't agree with nearly anything else he says or does, but I do respect that, and I think that is something that, as a mother and a great grandmother, is very important to me. And finally, here's what Donald respected in Hillary.

[Tom Arnold]

She doesn't quit. She doesn't give up. I respect that.

[Adam Carolla]

I tell it like it is.

[Tom Arnold]

She's a fighter. I disagree with much of what she's fighting for.

[Adam Carolla]

I do disagree with her judgment in

[Tom Arnold]

many cases, but she does fight hard,

[Adam Carolla]

and she doesn't quit, and she doesn't give up. And I consider that to be a very good trait.

[Brian Bishop]

So that was actually kind of nice.

[Adam Carolla]

My father always said that about Trump, too.

[Gina Grad]

Kids, I follow former guest of the show Sold out o' Brien on Twitter. And she was very adamant that. No, when you. Because a lot of people were like, oh, all she could do was, you know, compliment his kids. But she was like, no, no. When you compliment someone's kids, that's very much a compliment to the parent.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

So I thought that was.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a good way to put it. Well, and the other.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure she was ready for that one, too, probably. Yeah. And it's a good. It's good on both. It's strategic. You don't have to say anything n. About the person to their face.

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, when's the last time two candidates came out and didn't shake hands? So it started off chilly to begin with. Hillary was like, no, thanks.

[Gina Grad]

Could we talk for a second about the Mike Pence moment?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I should have grabbed that clip.

[Gina Grad]

Do you remember that? When they were asking about Syria, Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

And they're asking Donald Trump. He basically said, your running mate feels this way. He's like, well, we haven't spoken, but we disagree.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't agree with him.

[Adam Carolla]

He's spoken.

[Brian Bishop]

That was awesome.

[Tom Arnold]

It was pretty.

[Gina Grad]

It was a real under the bus kind of moment.

[Brian Bishop]

And there was a lot of talk from Donald about, this isn't fair. This isn't fair. You're giving her time. You're cutting me off. But just FYI, at the end of the day, I believe Donald talked for 40 minutes and 10 seconds, and Hillary talked for 39 minutes and 5 seconds. But there was a lot of talk that he kept getting cut off, but apparently that wasn't so.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, if you're in there in the Hillary. If you're like a Hillary advisor, you're like, look, Donald talked for 41, 40

[Brian Bishop]

minutes, 10 seconds, 40.

[Adam Carolla]

You talk for 39. Let's correct that. Let's get you down around 25. Let's get him up around 55, sweetie. Because the more that guy runs his

[Tom Arnold]

mouth, that are your numbers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You talking. It's the. I mean, for her, it's just, you know, I just. I just. All I did is wrote. Wrote down. She said that she wanted to celebrate diversity twice in the first, like, 11 minutes. And I'm just like, you want to celebrate diversity?

[Gina Grad]

39 minutes of talking weren't filled. Packed with a lot of players.

[Adam Carolla]

But also, I don't even know what. First off, shut up. I don't even know what that means. I have a black president. Everyone's fine in this country. Everyone just go to work. We don't have to celebrate. We just had a black guest, by the way. I don't want to. Yes. What I'm saying is we're diverse. We don't need to work on celebrating it. We just need to work on everyone raising their families and working hard and playing by the rules, paying their taxes and staying in school and being respectful to law enforcement. All that we don't need to keep. And I don't even really know, as a president, how you can mandate a celebration of diversity. I don't even know what it really means. I don't know what that means. But that's all she wants to do, so it's fine. And she's in this great position where she can just spit out platitudes and then let Donald just run off the rails. And she's gonna win.

[Gina Grad]

She's like a Chip Kelly offense. She doesn't want the ball that long. She wants to score quick. Can't go back on defense.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you sound like Lynette.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Should we bring it home, or what do you got before we bring it home?

[Gina Grad]

This isn't a great picture, but did Everyone notice Dag in the background?

[Tom Arnold]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

David Alan Greer was not having it.

[Adam Carolla]

He was very angry, the whole debate. This is a terrible picture. I'm sorry. I'm looking for a better one. But there are some crystal clear shots

[Gina Grad]

of him, and he looks like Dag with comical makeup on.

[Brian Bishop]

There was a lot of those comments on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

I did see this, and I was trying to think. I was like, did I see him?

[Brian Bishop]

And did. I don't know how much time you spent on Twitter. I was on there pretty much the whole time. Does the name Ken Bone ring a bell?

[Adam Carolla]

Kenneth Bone.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I love him.

[Gina Grad]

You're gonna see a lot of Ken Bones at Halloween.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And he was this. Somebody described him as a guess who card from the game. If you have kids, you might know him, but he was the one everyone was talking about. I saw him on TV today talking about his outfit choice. He had an olive suit that he said would have made his mother very proud, but he had gained 30 pounds and didn't realize it. And SPL. So he put this on. He was adorable. He asked a great question about climate change. But he became a meme immediately, and I just. I loved him.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm looking at him right now, and what just leapt in my mind, this is the guy with the glasses and the mustache. The old Brian. The heavier Brian. If he had some hair. If he had a little hair. No, the old. I said the old Brian. No, no, the guy he reminds me of. Son of a bitch. I did a movie called Wreck It Ralph, and there was the guy who, like, managed the apartment building or something. It was like the character that was the manager of the. Of the apartment that Ralph was going to wreck, and he was, like, throwing a party, and he didn't want Wreck It Ralph to show up and whatever. And if you find that guy, I think King Candy. No, no, no, no.

[Gina Grad]

This is early in the film. He's a minor character, but he's like the apartment man.

[Brian Bishop]

This was also Alan Tudic character. This became a Last night Adam. That. That character. That was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it did.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. I gotta find it. Oh, a few people did it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good. So I'm. I'm.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not alone.

[Gina Grad]

I fucking love Wreck It Ralph.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's the exact picture that. That's been going around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're looking around. All right. So this, by the way, why I've never accused anyone of ripping off a joke of mine. Because we're human beings. We have the same thought of that. And I had the same thoughts that someone else had the thought of. So who's ripping who off? All right, who's zooming who? You ready to bring it home?

[Brian Bishop]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. Grab them by the push.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina. Gina. That was the news with Gina Grad. All right. Castrol Man, Castrol Edge. Today's smaller engines under lot of pressure. That's right. I got a smaller engine. We're going out to Austin, we're going to Dallas, and then we're going to Austin. And I'm figuring out what car I'm bringing for the. For the Vintage race at COTA. Circuit of the Americas. Yeah. F1 track. Exciting, man. State of the art facility. Anyway, thinking about bringing the BRE 510. Now, it's got a 1.8 liter motor in there, and it's stressed out because we're trying to wring it out, get some horsepower.

[Brian Bishop]

Grab them by the pussy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we use.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, damn. I'm sorry about that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. Sorry about that. Let's get it post. All right. That's why we use a Castrol Edge, man. Made with liquid titanium technology. 3 times stronger against. 3 times stronger.

[Phoebe Robinson]

3 times, fool.

[Adam Carolla]

3 times against viscosity breakdown than the full synthetic. Not mixed, not blend, not the organic stuff. But full synthetic. Three times better against viscosity breakdown. So Castrol Edge titanium. Strong. Maximum engine performance. Make your next oil change a Castrol Edge change. We had a question up there.

[Brian Bishop]

We do. We have a hashtag Castrol Challenge. Question from Desert Mofo. I have a high mileage vehicle with a small amount of smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe. Will heavier grade oil help? Is that a thing?

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. Well, they have the grade of the. Yeah, the grade, the viscosity, whether it's thinner or thicker. Usually. Usually if you're burning something like smoke, and it depends. See, there's different color smoke, there's black smoke, and there's blue smoke.

[Gina Grad]

That means you have a new Pope.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. You picked a new Pope. Yeah. One means that sometimes if you're smoking an engine, it means you're burning some oil, and it means maybe the seals on the valves aren't so good. Could be a number of things that happen when you get a high mileage car like that. I think a little thicker viscosity will mean a little less leakage and thus a little less burning. That's. But start there. It's probably time to start thinking about a new ride.

[Gina Grad]

Also true.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway. All right. Should we get out of here? Do we get out of here. Let's do this. Anaheim, October 28th at the Grove with Milo Yin out there. So come out and see us. And also aforementioned, Dallas in November 4th at the Majestic Theater and then Austin, the Paramount Theater on the fifth. That's beautiful. That's in November. Live shows everywhere coming up. And we'll do the meet and greet with the Chive and all that after the Austin show. Only a couple hundred tickets available to that. I talked to those guys today. Endless rant everywhere. Don't forget to click through our Amazon on banner. Keep the pirate ship afloat until next time. Oh, reasonable doubt. You want to check that out? That's tomorrow. No, sorry, Saturday. That's Saturday with Steve Crone. That's Paula Poundstone's attorney.

[Gina Grad]

You tell us about this over the weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Some interesting revelations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Remind me. I'll get into it a little bit tomorrow. That's what I thought. It's available now if you want to check that out. So till next time, Adam Carolla for Phoebe Robinson. Gina Grandma Bryan saying mahalo, two dope queens.

[Autumn]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

This is adam Carolla from 1923.

[Adam Carolla]

That does it for this weekend's Corolla Classics. Make sure to tune in next weekend

[Gina Grad]

for three all new installments.

[Tom Arnold]

Until then, mahalo.

[Adam Carolla]

And get it on

[Autumn]

it.