Raanan Hershberg, America’s Teddy Bear + Spirit Airlines SHUTS DOWN

Summary

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The Adam Carolla Show: Raanan Hershberg – America’s Teddy Bear & Spirit Airlines SHUTS DOWN

Episode Date: May 5, 2026
Guests: Raanan Hershberg (Comedian), Alicia Krause (News)
Main Topics: Comedy, body image, airline culture/spirit closure, porn, consumer complaints, social commentary

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Episode Overview

Comedian Raanan Hershberg joins Adam Carolla for a humorous, candid conversation covering everything from the realities of being a "fat comedian" and the psychology of body image, to the quirks of modern airline travel (including the shutdown of Spirit Airlines), social perceptions of attractiveness, fat acceptance, and how technology is changing old norms. Alicia Krause stops by with the news, sparking a spirited debate over the demise of Spirit Airlines, class and culture in air travel, and the politics of airline monopolies. The show’s tone is irreverent, honest, and often self-deprecating—with plenty of back-and-forth on societal pet peeves and human psychology.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Raanan Hershberg on Comedy, Body Image, and Identity

• The Craft of Standup:

  • Adam showers praise on Raanan’s special (“Morbidly Jewish”) for its interesting angles, saying most hosts only watch a few minutes, but he genuinely enjoyed it (03:12).
    • Quote: "We're obliged to watch the first three to five minutes and after that we just do it because we enjoy it or we don't." — Adam (03:12)
  • They discuss how listening to comedy—audio only—can be a deeper, sometimes more meaningful way to engage with the material (04:21).
  • Raanan jokes that when he's not seen "sweating in close-up," the audience might be missing out (04:21).

• Comedy and Self-Perception:

  • The conversation delves into body dysmorphia, with Raanan noting he sometimes perceives himself as fatter than he is (08:52).
    • Quote: "In my head, I'm, like, a little fatter than I am in real life. Just like, a little. You know, I'm like £20 fatter in my head..." — Raanan (08:52)
  • Adam riffs on the difference between “sloppy fat” and “cute fat,” comparing Raanan to Jack Black (09:22).
  • Both argue that being a “hot comedian” can be a disadvantage—hot people get less honest feedback and may fall into easy "sex jokes," while comics should offer a broad range of material (14:21-14:55).
  • Quote: "I don't like any comics that get trapped in a...I'm black or I'm fat or I'm a female or I'm lesbian...You gotta tell a couple of fat jokes and then you move on..." — Adam (14:56)

2. Social Commentary – Attractiveness, Privilege, and “The Hot Person Effect”

• Hot People and Social Distortion:
  • Raanan likens the "hot person perspective" to being at a fancy hotel—everyone treats you differently, and you get a warped sense of reality (12:00).
  • Adam recounts dating a “piping hot” woman and how her beauty altered her experiences (12:15).
    • Quote: "He's so nice. I go, no, he's not. He's trying to fuck you." — Adam (12:36)
  • Both agree that hot people are insulated from reality, but ultimately that insulation is harder for comics, who need honest feedback to hone their craft (14:04).

3. Light Beer Confusion

• Decline of Common Knowledge:
  • Adam shares his frustration over bartenders’ inability to understand the concept of “light beer,” equating "light" with light-colored or nonalcoholic beers (17:12–20:45).
    • Quote: "Shouldn't every establishment just have a case of Miller Lite...?" — Adam (20:45)
  • Raanan says he only drinks nonalcoholic beer, bringing another layer of absurdity (20:55).

4. Humorous Sex & Porn Discussions—Shifting Norms and Misinformation

• Fat Positivity, Ozempic, and Beauty:

  • Raanan jokes about society’s quick shift from “fat positivity” to embracing Ozempic as a weight-loss solution (23:45).
    • Quote: "I only thought it was beautiful before I knew there was a cure." — Raanan (24:09)
  • Adam riffs on how, despite trend cycles, people still "want skinny," paralleling with attitudes toward money (24:12–25:51).

• Porn Myths & "Addictions":

  • Debate over the top-searched Pornhub categories—Raanan, using his wife as the authority, claims "fat women" is most popular, but Adam checks the data and finds "teen" and "lesbian" are actually top (26:26–31:14).
    • Quote: "Fat chicks being number one porn search is misinformation. Trump must have told [you]..." — Adam (30:33)
  • Discussion morphs into a reflection on “porn addiction” as more accurately a “beating off addiction” (26:42—28:19).

• Jacking Off in Media—Comedic Analysis:

  • Extended riff on how movies depict masturbation, particularly men always "standing up" (36:07–37:44).
    • Quote: "You can't show a guy jacking off on a bed, lying down in a movie. That's too gross." — Raanan (36:42)
  • Adam draws an analogy between learning to use a left-handed saw on a job site and learning to jack off standing up—necessity builds versatility (39:47–41:20).

5. Consumer Frustrations & Technology—Ubers, AI, and Human Error

• Travel Tech Woes:
  • Adam tells a long, comic story about the hassles with Uber, chalking it up to issues with technology and human error (44:42–49:53).
  • Raanan gives perspective: as irritating as payment issues are, at least he wasn’t assaulted (“at least I didn’t get raped!”) in an Uber—raising the bar for complaints (47:16–49:53).
  • Adam suggests robots (Waymo) may be the winning solution (50:10).

6. The News: Spirit Airlines Shuts Down & Culture in Air Travel

• Spirit Airlines’ Demise:

  • Alicia Krause introduces the shutdown of Spirit Airlines (71:54).
  • Adam and Alicia debate whether Spirit's clientele is primarily "poor people who should be on the bus," or if disorder is equally dispersed across airlines (73:26–77:28).
    • Key debate: Is bad behavior a “cheap airline” issue, or reflective of broader American cultural changes?
    • Quote: "There are people that aren't meant to fly. They're meant to be transported via a bus, not an airplane." — Adam (73:26)
  • Adam points out the double standards in government antitrust action, criticizing how government monopolies are treated differently than corporate ones (79:48–80:41).

• Politics of Airline Monopolies & Bailouts:

  • Discussion about JetBlue’s failed bid to buy Spirit, and regulatory/political interference (78:50–81:13).
  • Both agree government involvement (in mergers or bailouts) rarely helps average consumers.
  • Adam compares it to “crony capitalism” and the NGO grift (96:01–98:04).

7. California Gas Prices & Economic Pressure on the Poor

• Gas Crisis:
  • News on potential $10/gallon gas in California, last Middle East oil deliveries (89:10–93:47).
  • Adam: High prices disproportionately impact working-class commuters—while the rich (or those with solar/electric) hardly feel it.

8. Fire Aid Concert Fund Scandal

• NGO Money Diversion:
  • Alicia brings up the fire relief fund mismanagement: $100 million meant for fire victims diverted to general NGOs with little accountability (94:12–99:10).
  • Adam proposes actual criteria and means testing for aid—a rare, serious suggestion.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Honest Feedback & Comedy:

  • "To do comedy, you gotta have honest feedback." — Raanan (11:15)
  • "I agree. You want to be able to have, like, a broad perspective so you can talk about different stuff." — Ronan (15:03)

• On Hot Privilege:

  • "You waltz through life thinking landscapers bake pies. That's how...pilots open doors..." — Adam (13:30)

• On Body Image:

  • "I have both [body dysmorphia and being overweight]. I have both. It sucks." — Raanan (08:49)
  • "You're like Jack Black fat...big calves..." — Adam (09:22)

• On Social Myths:

  • "Fat chicks being number one porn search is misinformation." — Adam (30:33)

• On Airline Culture:

  • "There are people that aren't meant to fly. They're meant to be transported via a bus..." — Adam (73:26)
  • "I think that the average American who flies goes, where is the cheapest ticket and when do I need to go and get there?" — Alicia (77:32)

• On Government & NGOS:

  • "Stop telling me you care about fraud, waste, abuse and money and the rich...your constituency just does it on a criminal level." — Adam (96:40)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [02:40] Start of main conversation — Raanan joins the show
• [03:31] Adam raves about Raanan’s special, riff on the comedy host “fiduciary duty”
• [08:52] Body dysmorphia and “fat comic” discussion
• [12:00-13:43] “Hot person effect” and social privilege stories
• [14:56] Debate about "identity comics" vs. universal comedy
• [17:12-20:55] Rant about light beer confusion in America
• [23:45] Raanan’s Ozempic/Fat Positivity bit
• [26:42-31:14] Porn categories, “addiction” terminology
• [36:07-41:20] Masturbation depiction in movies, "standing up", Adam’s jobsite analogy
• [44:42] Adam’s Uber travel/technology woes
• [47:16-49:53] Raanan puts Uber complaints into perspective with humor (“at least I didn’t get raped!”)
• [71:54] Alicia Krause joins for news – Spirit Airlines shutdown
• [73:26–77:28] Debate on Spirit clientele and class/culture of air travel
• [78:50–81:13] Airline mergers, government regulation, monopolies
• [89:10-93:47] California gas price crisis and effect on working class
• [94:12–99:10] Fire aid concert scandal, misuse of charitable funds

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Episode Tone & Final Takeaways

• The episode combines Carolla’s signature rants, self-deprecating humor, and willingness to explore the uncomfortable or taboo without filter.
• Raanan’s quick wit and honesty about weight, self-image, and the comedy industry mesh perfectly with Adam’s observations on social trends, privilege, and cultural shifts.
• The news segment sees Carolla and Krause debating, often sideways, about class, culture, government hypocrisy, and the minor absurdities of modern life.
• The episode is packed with laughs, sharp observations, and discussions that would interest anyone fascinated by pop culture, stand-up comedy, or the dysfunction of modern American life.

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Guest Plugs

• Raanan Hershberg:
  • Short film “Memory Room” — Premieres Friday, 7pm ET on Raanan's YouTube channel
    • “A thriller about a caretaker who suspects one of her patients with dementia may have committed a crime.”
  • Standup Special “Morbidly Jewish” — Available on YouTube

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, really funny comedian Ronan Hirshberg comes in. Funny conversation. Alicia Krause says the news. And we'll do all that right after this. This is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. If you care about predictions, you care about props. And right now, it's all about playoff pressure. From the hardwood to the ice. Every possession, every shift, every shot. Well, it all matters. Betonline has always been the home of real sports betting. Deep markets, sharp odds and player props built for fans who know these games aren't random. The NBA playoffs are heating up, stars taking over, series swinging on a single score. And in the NHL, it's all speed, grit, and sudden death. Moments where one goal changes everything. Lines tighten, pressure builds, and Betonline delivers live betting and in game odds that move with every bucket, every breakaway, every goal. This is where the action happens, where experience shows, and where the smallest edge makes the biggest difference. Bet online. The game starts here. Thanks for tuning in to the Adam Carolla Show. You can watch the full show on YouTube. Just search Adam Carolla show and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also get the podcast wherever you like to listen. And for extra content, ad free episodes and more, you can head over to our substack and sign up today. This episode of the Adam Krolish show is brought to you by Simplisafe.

[Unidentified Caller or Guest]

I sold my car in Carvana last night.

[Alicia Krause]

Well, that's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. Nothing went wrong.

[Dawson]

So what's the problem?

[Adam Carolla]

That is the problem.

[Unidentified Caller or Guest]

Nothing in my life goes to smoothing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm waiting for the catch.

[Dawson]

Maybe there's no catch.

[Unidentified Caller or Guest]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Wow.

[Dawson]

You need to relax.

[Adam Carolla]

I need a knock on wood.

[Unidentified Caller or Guest]

Do we have wood? Is this table wood?

[Dawson]

I think it's laminate.

[Unidentified Caller or Guest]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.

[Alicia Krause]

Car selling without a catch.

[Dawson]

Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees may apply. Foreign.

[Announcer or Producer]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Ronin Hershberg. Plus the news with Alicia Crouse. And now, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on. No choice but gonna mandate you get it on. Good to see you, Ronin.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Thanks. Thanks for having me. It was awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Very funny. Standup special. I really appreciate it, by the way.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Thank you so much. Yeah, I appreciate it. I didn't know you'd watch it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I will say this and probably say this about everybody who hosts anything. We're under some fiduciary duty to check out things.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But we're not under a duty to watch the whole thing.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Definitely not.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be a horror movie, it could be a comedy, it could be a one hour special, it could be a 46 minute special or whatever yours was. We're obliged to watch the first three to five minutes and after that we just do it because we enjoy it or we don't.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Okay. And you went past that?

[Adam Carolla]

I got to four and a half minutes.

[Ronan Hershberg]

No, that's pretty bad. That's better than most of the people watch on YouTube.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what I did. I sat around and I was getting ready. I was thinking about going for a walk and I was like, I watched the first 10 minutes. I was like, oh, this is funny. And also, as someone who does comedy, I was like, oh, I can see what he's doing. He's taking these angles and these ideas and he's kind of building on them. And that's an interesting angle. I just like an interesting angle. You know what I mean? Does a whole riff about porn stars and their politics and it's interesting.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate that.

[Adam Carolla]

I just put the earbuds in before my walk and then I realized, I'll just listen to it because, I mean, not that you're not a feast for the eyes, but I mean, it's really. You're just standing there talking to a microphone. I don't need it.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But if you're not seeing me sweating in a close up, it doesn't have the same effect.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was willing to forego that for the walk. So I literally just put my earbuds in and listened to the rest of it. And actually it's a better way to consume it. You actually, in a weird way, it penetrates a little deeper.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, that's when I got into comedy. I just listened to albums. Stuff wasn't visual. Now everything needs to be visual.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the visual actually detracts from the words and the verbiage. And there's a few things, like when people talk and they're sort of, you're

[Ronan Hershberg]

talking about me or all comedians, just

[Adam Carolla]

you, not the good.

[Ronan Hershberg]

How backhanded is this compliment?

[Adam Carolla]

No, Matt Rife. No, absolutely. We need that guy front and center. Your ass. Sure. No, no, what I'm saying is when people download information to me. Yeah, yeah, like when they go, you know, like. Well, they'll go, here's what you gotta remember. It's the slab's 13 inches. It's number four rebar. It's 12 inches on center. There's gonna be 300 yards. I close my eyes. Cause I go, I can memorize this better if I'm not looking at stuff.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you do a test and I've done it, like where they do those TV shows where they're just a TV show, where it's like one of those biographies on James Dean.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Every once in a while, you'll hear it on your car radio, like back in the day. And you retain a lot more driving in your car. Should have been blind watching it.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I feel like that happened in your life. It would have been great.

[Adam Carolla]

It would have been excellent.

[Ronan Hershberg]

All you need to know about me hearing it is that I'm fat and Jewish. And that actually comes through in the voice also. Things, yeah. Come through in the voice. So that's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? There's a little Artie Lang in your voice, and he's not.

[Ronan Hershberg]

He is fat. That's the fat part of my voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a really funny people about Artie Lang. Oh, you get the Artie Lang.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah. We look a little different.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you don't look alike. You sound.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Oh, you sound the same.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying Artie and you have the same voice.

[Ronan Hershberg]

We have a.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the same look.

[Ronan Hershberg]

We have a voice that suggests a disheveled person.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That's kind of how it, you know, it's a. It's a disheveled voice. Yeah. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

When people do a voice of. I found this bum sleeping in my car. I woke up and he said, that's. That's the voice. They would do your voice. What time is it? What's going on?

[Ronan Hershberg]

A little horse or something? Yeah, yeah. No, I love AR legs. I'm all. I'm all for it. I get that more than, than anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Artie is a truly funny guy. That people sort of have this. Like somebody said, I wish Artie Lange loved Artie Lang as much as we all love Artie Lang. That would be helpful.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I read his memoir. I was like, man, I thought I hated myself. It's like deepest self hatred.

[Adam Carolla]

I, you know, it's kind of a weird thing. Like, I don't get why. And I'll tell you what it is. I can stand back and watch myself and I can go, you are bad at that, bad at that, and bad at that. But you're good at that and that. And just go. You know, people would Say, like, I would say sometimes people go, like, are you a good. Are you funny? Are you good? And I go, yeah, I'm super good. Super funny. And they'd go, okay, your highness. And I go, well, you know, I was a good carpenter. When I was a carpenter, I would tell people I was a good carpenter. Like, I owned it. Like, I could. I did a thing, and I. I know how to do it. Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's not even confidence. Like, it's, like, accurate, accurate. Like, once you build 20 houses, you know how to build. Like, I knew how to build. I know how to do comedy, but I don't know how to do data entry. Like, I don't type fast. I'm not a good speller, you know,

[Ronan Hershberg]

an accurate appraisal of yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think we should all just sort of step back and remove ourselves from ourselves.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, with.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the part we have trouble with. Like, women, beautiful women look in the mirror and see an ugly person, you know? And it's like, they should get over that. They should figure that out.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I have, you know, what do you call it? Body dysmorphia. And I'm fat on top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

You have both.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I have both. It sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you know you have body dysmorphia?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Because in my head, I'm, like, a little fatter than I am in real life. Just like, a little. You know, I'm like £20 fatter in my head than I am in real life. Right. But I still am fat, so it's much harder. I don't have sympathy for, like, the hot women who have body dysmorphia because you can just look at yourself and be like, you're hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, suit or other people.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But I am fat.

[Adam Carolla]

You have guys trying to fuck you all day, so doesn't that assuage some of that?

[Ronan Hershberg]

I am fat, so it's harder to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But, you know, separate.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not sloppy fat.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You're cute fat.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like Jack Black fat, You know?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Appreciate that.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like, that guy's got big calves. I don't want to.

[Ronan Hershberg]

With him fat, you know, good legs fat. You know, once.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm telling you, once in a while, you see some guy and you go, fat ass. I'll kick his ass. And then you see his calves, and you go, look at those calves.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I got good calves.

[Adam Carolla]

You got good calves.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I'm like a mythological creature. I have, like, the legs of a fit person in the top half of that guy. It's a Greek mythological Creature.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you are. You are funny. So, you know, I was like. I literally was talking about. I was talking to this about somebody the other day where I said, like, actually, I was talking to Dr. Drew. Okay. And I said, you know, we're kind of talking about women and super hot chicks and their sort of magic powers, being a super hot chick, which is more powerful than any celebrity, really. But then what it must be like psychologically for them when it starts to wear off, and how hard they would try to capture it and hang onto it and ride it out. And I said to him, I go. I said, drew, I'm a dude and I'm a comedian. And I'll see a picture of myself and go, oh, Jesus, look at you. You gotta drop a couple of pounds and I'm a fucking dude comedian. Like, who gives a shit what I look like? You know what I mean? I must be pure torture.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

For someone who traded on their looks their entire career in life. And I don't mean even career, I mean starting in junior high.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And now you're cresting the hill and heading down the other side and people are making comments and blah, blah, blah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, well, because you're not getting honest feedback, like, when you're hot. And this is why there's a lot of hot comics now. Hot people are taking over comedy, which I'm against.

[Adam Carolla]

Me too.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You can't really get honest feedback when you're hot, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

So it's like, you can't be. To do comedy, you gotta have honest feedback, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Like, to me, being a hot woman, I once. I was. I was. I was opening for someone in a. Like a Louis CK in Europe, and we were at a very fancy hotel.

[Adam Carolla]

I could see Louis liking your type of humor because it's kind of thinking.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah. I once got a comment. Jewy ck. I thought that was pretty, but. So we're at a really fancy hotel and I started thinking, the town itself is a really friendly town.

[Adam Carolla]

Watch your water, by the way. You're getting close. I know. Just slide it over. I'm sorry. I've had the thing happen before. I was, like, looking at the person's arm, and then I never said anything. Then finally they knocked it over.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I've never not dropped a glass.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, go ahead.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, no, I just started thinking, oh, everyone in this town must be nice. But then I'm like, oh, no, no, it's just a hotel. And I think that's what it's like being a hot person. You're like, you think everyone's nice, but it's just the people to you. You know what I mean? But you'd start to think you have a distorted view of humanity.

[Adam Carolla]

I dated this six foot blonde that was piping hot a million years ago. And she was like, she goes, my landscaper, the guy who cut down my apple tree in the back, he then took all the apples and baked me a pie. What a great guy. I go, yeah, he doesn't do that for everybody. What do you mean? I go, exactly. He's so nice. I go, no, he's not. He's trying to fuck you. And then she told me once, Well, I said, I told her I missed a flight. The door was. They closed the door, but they just let them have. She goes, I did that too once. But the pilot, I was looking at the pilot through the window, he's like, find everything.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Get her on.

[Adam Carolla]

The pilot was like, yeah, yeah, I'll get you.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I saw the pilot in the sky. He actually landed back. He saw me from afar and landed back and got me on.

[Adam Carolla]

He threw someone out of first class. Actually threw three people out so I could lay down.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Like, yeah, you don't. It's. You start to think like when Anne Frank says, I believe there's good in the world, that. That was a hard for her to say because she's, she's ugly. But like, for a hot person, it's easy for them to have a positive view of the world because you know, you're in the fancy hotel, not seeing

[Adam Carolla]

the other street, everyone's being nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it. Which, God bless them that you just, you waltz through life thinking landscapers bake pots. That's how. And then pilots open doors and let you back on.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You're like, anyone. You don't have to respect the door closing. Meanwhile, we're all ugly. Be like, once the door closed, we're fucked. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

I've had the pilot gesture to close the door when he saw me. I'm like, I got 15 minutes. Close that door.

[Ronan Hershberg]

When you're not hot, there's nothing scarier than the door closing.

[Adam Carolla]

But you get the truth.

[Ronan Hershberg]

When you're not the very strict door.

[Adam Carolla]

Very strict.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Even if, even if they haven't left the doors closed, you're not getting on the plane. And that's what you need to be a comic. So I do think it's hard. There are some hot comics, it happens. But it must be hard to be a comic if you're not getting an honest view of the world, whether you're a man or a woman in your house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree. I think. I think the problem in the hot comic department now. Yeah. If you're a woman, you can slide into a lot of sex jokes and just kind of keep it there. And you can get a little trapped in your sexuality, your physicality. And so I don't like any. I don't like any comics that get trapped in a. I'm black or I'm fat or I'm a female or I'm lesbian or whatever you say I'm fat.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I'm like, watch it now.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just mean, like, no, of course you gotta tell a couple of fat jokes and then you move on to other jokes.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You want to be able to have, like a broad perspective so you can talk about different stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And I do find, like. And I'll tell you the hot, like the hot version of this. Like, there is a thing that would happen sort of like when Dane Cook was blowing up, where he'd wear like tight jeans and a tight T shirt and sort of stalk the stage.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he'd go, I was with a woman the other night. You'd hear everyone go, woo. Instead of you. Like everyone throwing up into a bag. But I mean, you kind of. There is a part where it's like you kind of like, if you speak at a lot of colleges, and I used to do colleges, a ton of colleges back in the day. I won't bore you with all the details, but, like, at certain point, you just yell, hook em horns, and the whole place goes nuts. 3,000 people go nuts. And it gets kind of easy to kind of sit back like, fuck Nebraska.

[Ronan Hershberg]

They just want to hear about their lives.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. And so like the tight shirt dude who kind of gets the people whooping and, you know, it can be a little bit of a crutch. Like, it can prevent you from doing good material.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That being said, and this is the flip side, if you are hot and you are funny, which are some very hot, funny comics, then you are, in a way better than ugly comics because you're at a disadvantage and you're still funny. It's like the way that the shortest basketball players, like, you know, mugsy bowls or something, they're the best basketball players because they're short. So a hot, funny person is like the best comic because they are at a disadvantage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And they certainly, the short basketball players got the most hustle in them too.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I mean, to me, they're the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

How can you say that. Whatever, Spud.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever. Spud Webb.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I'm not good at sports. I tried to do a spud reference on stage once, and I said Spud McKenzie, which I think is smaller than Spud Webb. Who is Spud Mackenzie?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, the dog.

[Ronan Hershberg]

The dog from Air Bud.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. No, Budw.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Budweiser. Yeah. I'm not good at sports references. I tried to say Mugsy beer references as well. I tried to say, is it Muggsy? But I did say that, kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you did.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Okay. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, speaking of light beer, I don't know what's going on in this land, and I've told you guys this before. I don't know why I'm looking at you, Dawson, but Spudweb, right? Yeah, I said Spudweb. Anyway, we're now in a time and a cultural period where people don't know what a light beer is. I have had this happen a few times where I've, like, flown on an airplane and they go, would you like something to drink? Yeah, give me a light beer. And they go, well, we have Peyronis. That's pretty light. I go, no, no, light beer. Bud Light, Miller Light. They go, corona's a light beer. I go, no, not a light colored beer. Just a light beer. Do you have a light beer? At some point I'll get out of them. They have a Bud Light, but it's like, hey, bitch, aren't you handing out a thousand of these a day?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Like, why is it just light in the title? Is that the way it's light?

[Adam Carolla]

There's Bud Light, there's Miller Light, there's Coors Light, and then there's Coors, and there's Bud, and there's Miller. But they also have light.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Light is. And less calories, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You're in this crew, and it's like they run commercials 247 on television. It's everywhere. It's like Miller Lite, Bud Light. Look, the whole thing about Dylan Mulvaney, that was Bud Light. There was, like, a huge controversy over Bud Light. And so yesterday I did something I never do. I was just sitting around and it was a nice day, and I was in Malibu and there was nothing going on. And I just said, you know, I'm just going to go to a local spot and I'm just gonna sit at the bar and I'll bring my little notepad. I'll, like, watch the game and I'll get a beer. And I just. I went to one place and there's like, middle 30 year old woman behind the counter. I go, you got a light beer? She goes, corona's pretty light. I go, no, but a light beer. Like Bud Light, Miller Lite, Corona Amstel. I go, but light. Like a light beer. And she goes, well, I think we have the Corona Gold or something. I go, but a light beer. And she goes, that's a pretty light beer.

[Announcer or Producer]

It's like there is a Corona Light.

[Adam Carolla]

There is a Corona Light. I know. I don't know how to speak anymore. I'm saying a light beer. Yeah, Corona's probably our lightest. Modela is probably a darker beer. I go, but you know what I'm talking about. I'm just talking about you're a bartender. You're a fucking bartender. Tender. And I go, just. But the Corona. So Corona light.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, the definition has changed, right?

[Adam Carolla]

She goes, yeah, yeah, get the Corona. And then a regular Corona shows up. And I go, no, no, not this Corona. A Corona Light. She goes, oh. And then she goes, I think we're out of them. And I go, okay. And then I literally get up and I go to another bar, another restaurant like down the street. And I sit down, I go, they

[Ronan Hershberg]

feel like a commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, do you have a light beer? And they go, corona's pretty light beer. I go, no, no. And then they go, we have a Peyronie's. And I go, no, a light like Miller Light. And they go, oh, we don't. No. And first things first. Shouldn't every establishment just have a case of Miller Lite just behind the fucking counter just in case someone orders a light beer? And then I realized it's now kind of a thing where people don't know what it is, which I'm confused about.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You're saying the definition's changed into light color.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think the definition has changed. I think people are fucking dumb. Like, I just don't think people know anything anymore.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Like, I only drink non alcoholic beer. Is that like you do?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we gotta wrap this up. Hey, the special. Real funny. It's great.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You get. You don't get drunk, but you still get fat.

[Alicia Krause]

It's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I once. I once talked. Here's what I think of the non alcoholic beer. I once talked to the guy who was the super fat guy from Varsity Blues, the actor who's like £700. You love to hang out with that guy. They'd call you the pixie.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I always thought he was going to die in the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't. No, but he dies.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But I thought he was gonna die of a heart attack during the movie and that never happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Ron Something loses £450 and then dies. Ron Lester.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Oh, really? He got thin too quickly.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what happened. But I interviewed Ron Lester when he was £650 and a lot and told me he liked. He got the prostitutes. And I said, how's that work, you know, with your carriage, you know. And he said he just went down on them. And I said, you pay a prostitute to go down there? And he said, yeah. And I said, that's like renting a car, having it detailed and returning. I don't know what's in it for you. And I feel the same way about your non alcoholic bear.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I don't know what's in it for her. Having a. I don't know if having a 600 pound guy go down on you is exactly. Well, first off, exactly getting the car detailed.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue those guys are better at it than you and I.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But I assume women, if they're getting. I assume they can't just. They want to be an attractive person. Otherwise they just have like a dog go down on them. I assume they want like someone attractive. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not sure how women work that way, but I don't. I think the move into the canine realm realm is probably a steeper move than you think. Like otherwise they just get out some peanut butter. I don't know.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, well, I will say fat. Well, yeah, I was always good at going down on women because I came early back in the day and now back in the day too. And so if you come early, you get good at eating out because you really want to make sure they come before you have sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you sound like my grandpa.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You have some interesting conversations.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember sitting on Kathy's name as a young lad.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's like it's good to come early. You're better at eating out.

[Adam Carolla]

We're talking about weight. So I thought it'd be fun to play your Ozempic clip because we're on subject. Let's see if Dawson has it ready.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Remember it all like fat positive for three years. Remember that? That was fun for like three years. We were like being fat. It's beautiful. There's nothing wrong with it. It's gorgeous. It's just a different body type. And then the minute Ozempic came out, we were like, just joking about you. Call my bluff. I'm just joking. I only thought it was beautiful before I knew there was a cure.

[Adam Carolla]

For it.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But is there a cure?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we have. By the way, it just struck me, this is. We live through an era. Maybe we're getting out to the other end of it where it's like, listen, everyone wants to be skinny. Everyone wants to fuck someone who's skinny. Dove, you can pitch all the fat bitches you want. They're underpants. That's not the new, the new face of beauty. And neither are your fucking plus size models or Dylan Mulvaney or something like that. We want hot. We want fucking Uma Thurman when she was 19. That's what everyone wants to fuck. And they've tried to pitch it, but it's an interesting. But they all want to look like a 19 year old Uma Thurman. But they decided since they can't or they don't have the discipline to do it, they're just gonna pitch an alternative universe to us.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Change the rules of the game changer.

[Adam Carolla]

They do the same fucking thing with money. They go, you know what? These millionaires, these billionaires, these corrupt, it's stealing their soul, you know, what are they? The second there's a fucking free dime floating around, they jump on it. Like all they do is talk about money and the evils of money and how much dignity they have by not being controlled by money. And the greedy, you know, all these guys, Elon, Musk and Trump, everyone's just fucking greedy, greedy, greedy. But they all want money. The second there's a chance for money, they're always on the fucking money. Like every politician, every group, everybody, every Somalian, everyone who's ripping us off, every daycare center, every hospice center, it's all these politicians are always talking about money. But soon as it comes time to stay at a five star hotel in France, they just fucking take the taxpayer money and throw it right. So money and skinny, we fucking want it.

[Ronan Hershberg]

We want it, but we, half the

[Adam Carolla]

group says it, the right says it, the right goes, fuck it, I like money and I like skinny. The left goes, we like fat and broke. Except for everything we do is different.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But not to counter this. Did you know, I haven't verified this, but did you know fat women is the most hot like top searched porn?

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ronan Hershberg]

So it's actually deep down people do like fat women. They don't even want to say it's. I don't, I don't feel that way.

[Adam Carolla]

But like, you know, fat women is the top searched porn.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That's what my wife told me.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, did she just going off of your brows?

[Ronan Hershberg]

She might Just mean, just only look at fact.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. We got to look that up. I do want to say this though. I was thinking about this because you were talking about porn and porn stars. It was a very funny bit about.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

About politics and porn. But I do think it's funny and I never really thought about this. People go, he has a porn addiction. He's addicted to pornography. And then I was thinking about it and I was like, all right, so there's food addictions and then there's porn addictions and there's alcohol addictions, and then there's like gambling addictions. But like, you're addicted to gambling, you're addicted to gambling. What I'm saying is porn addiction should be called what it really is, which is he's addicted to beating off. Which we don't really say it, but it is a jack off addiction. It's not a porn addiction. It's like no one says about a gambling addiction. This guy's addicted to dice. It's like, no, he's addicted to gambling on dice. That's the problem. If he just looked at pornography, I don't think he'd look at it that long. He has a jack off problem, not a porn problem.

[Ronan Hershberg]

The thing I never understood about a porn addiction is like, I look at porn a lot, I guess, but when I look at porn, I look at it and then I jack off. It's not that long of a thing. It's just not that time consuming of an addiction.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, but.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But I think some people really look at it for a long time before they decide who to jack off to. And that's when it becomes an addiction. Because they're on it for like hours. I'm just never on it for hours. Cause I just jack off and then it's like, I did that. You can't jack off again right away, you know? So it's like, how bad of an addiction can it be?

[Adam Carolla]

Some people act like it's the same people. Well, not the same people, but some people when they're jacking off, they act like a meteor's gonna hit the planet 10 minutes after they come. And this is gonna be their last jack. You know what I mean? Like, some people go out. Some people go out and eat that way. Like sometimes they'll go, like when you have the butternut squash. No, we're out of. Out of the. But what dressing with Thousand Island Zesty Ranch and Italian. So no herbal. It's like, you're gonna eat again. You're gonna eat Again, let's just order and then tomorrow you could eat again. Like, it's not gonna be the last time you're gonna eat or jack off. And hopefully not at the same restaurant.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That is my problem with food. I always finish a plate as if I might not find another meal for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Like, as if I'm still on the, like, Serengeti or something. And I gotta store food unless I'll starve to death.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel now I don't know where you're with. Who's with me on this. Back in the day, when you used to rent a porn.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

I would watch the whole porn to make sure I wasn't missing something good at the end.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right. You don't wanna. It's like waiting till the end of the credits or. So you wanna get to the whole thing. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause there could be something. Maybe someone I went to high school with is at the end. You know what I mean?

[Ronan Hershberg]

That's a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

Some friend of my sister's who was really hot is at the end.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's a good point. If you're a porn star and you're in a porno and you're. You don't show up till the second half, you're probably like, no one's going to be watching this, you know, except for you.

[Adam Carolla]

I had roommates who made fun of me. They're like, just watch it and beat off. And I was like, I need to know if there's something going on. You're good.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's like with my special, you watch. You watch the whole thing. You're good at.

[Adam Carolla]

But I only beat off twice.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Your special, it's. You're good at completing things. Yeah, I mean, that's a good point. Like a porn. It's like two hours, like those videos. But, like. Yeah. How many? I would be done after, like, a couple minutes. I wouldn't know the plot. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're busy, man.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a little something called dignity. Our pornhub year in review. Let's see. Pornhub. The most commonly searched category by men worldwide is teen. Oh, God, we are so sad.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Boy, was my wife wrong on that.

[Adam Carolla]

For women, it's lesbian. Fat chicks being number one porn search is misinformation. Trump must have told to be fair.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That sounds about right.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I want to live in a

[Ronan Hershberg]

world where it is fat girls turn out to be children.

[Adam Carolla]

One is a much more evolved world, and the other is Sodom and Gomorrah, essentially.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Man, I really. Yeah, I guess I got to fact check My wife more.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a fact checker.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But yeah. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. All right, never mind. Maybe in some other enlightened society.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like maybe if they. We could go back to the Greek or Roman era or something. If they had the Internet back then, I'd like to know because it's probably like a more robust woman back then.

[Ronan Hershberg]

She's giving me such woke misinformation. I'm like, number one, fat girls. Number two is trans.

[Adam Carolla]

Three, black fat, trans. Number four, vegan.

[Ronan Hershberg]

She might have just been looking at San Francisco microdata. You know, pornhub now you can't go on it in a lot of states. You know about this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think I do. I think I do.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's very annoying. Like in a lot of states they like, they. That you're not allowed to go on. So I'll go to. I was in Indiana. I couldn't. I had to jack off to memory. I couldn't. Like there's no. It was awful. Yeah. And it's very annoying. It's like pornhub is like very divided in the country.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you take it as a sign,

[Ronan Hershberg]

you know what I mean, that I should stop jacking off?

[Adam Carolla]

Not in general, but just tonight.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I take it as a sign that we're truly divided in this country. We're not all on pornhub.

[Adam Carolla]

But do you ever like, kind of have like sometimes you're sitting around and you know, like you'll go out. I went out with. I went out with Kimmel and Jeff Ross and cousin Sal went out to dinner the other night. And you know, long dinners, we always do like a two hour, two and a half hour dinner. And so all I'm saying is had a couple martinis, but I got home at fairly early, like 10 o' clock at night or something. And sometimes I'll like come home and I'll go, all right, I'm gonna pour myself a drink and watch YouTube or something. Then I go, ah, just go to bed.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like we don't. Why do we need. What are we doing here?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Instead just go to fucking bed. And then I wake up and I'm usually glad I just went to bed. I didn't watch two hours of YouTube and have two more drinks.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You know, I rarely have. I have very bad self control. I mean I'm not like. What I wanna do is pretty limited.

[Adam Carolla]

But can you take the. No porn. It's just a. You're in mun. You just came off a hot Set. Now you go back to your room and it says no porn for you. Can you go? Fuck it. I'm going to bed.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, I just had. Well, first of all, I just had a baby. So when I'm on the road, it's kind of where I have to. I don't really have. I can't do it at home anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's a little too complicated.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Complicated.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, I mean, I just. It's hard to. My wife's home.

[Adam Carolla]

Baby's square footage issue.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, I live in New York. Yeah, I got. Yeah, I don't live.

[Adam Carolla]

You know.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, I mean, I don't have. I have a two bedroom with a. Two bedroom with a wife and a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't really, can you? Well, see, this is why you gotta get the shower jack down.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Because I don't jack off standing up.

[Adam Carolla]

I will. See, that's. I've told people this many times.

[Ronan Hershberg]

What about Kevin Spacey and American Beauty?

[Adam Carolla]

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[Ronan Hershberg]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Ronan Hershberg]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

So, no, I'm telling you that if you can't pull one off standing up you are now limited.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, you are.

[Adam Carolla]

You are. You're limiting your possibilities.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I didn't know people did. I thought that was a myth in movies. Like, you know, in movies when people are. They're like fucking, like, standing up.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That's not real.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

No one fucks standing up, you know, I mean, if you do, it takes, like at least 30 minutes of preparation, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I just thought the standing up, jacking off was also. I just thought in movies they just like to have everyone standing for these things. Yeah, but it's like a myth, you

[Adam Carolla]

know, I'll tell you.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Cause you can't show a guy jacking off on a bed, lying down in a movie. That's too gross.

[Adam Carolla]

Too gross.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You gotta have them. Just the best you can do is standing up in the shower to show it really would be, like, traumatizing to the public.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean laying down?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Laying down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So in. Along Comes Mary or something or whatever. Something's about Mary.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm thinking Along Came Polly within their Stiller combined. If Stiller's laying down in the jack off scene.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah. It wouldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

It wouldn't work.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It wouldn't even get. It wouldn't even get a ra. It would have been like ncaa.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But the stand. He's in the bath. He's in the bathroom standing up. Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You have to stand up in a movie, otherwise it's too gross. You can have women obviously masturbating lying down. I mean, that's how. That would be disturbing to see a woman masturbating standing up. A movie, vice versa. Yeah, but you. Obviously. You can show a woman masturbating, but a man lying down in a bed, jacking off in a movie?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's not allowed.

[Adam Carolla]

Not allowed.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It wouldn't get. It wouldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. It's too weird.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah. And yet it is common. It is most common way, I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

More common than standing up, I assume.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's what I would. Let me explain something. There's a picture of Gavin Newsom making the rounds where he's picking up a saw and he's on a construction site posing as a male. And as somebody who does things. That's why they're completely useless sack of sociopathic shit, which he is now. Somebody texted me that. No, they tweeted it out and they said, here's Gavin Newsom with a skil saw. And because I used to be in the business, I looked at the picture and I said, that's not a skil saw. People Mistake that as a skill saw. But it's a makita because you can see the blue green color plastic on the base. Skill is gray. And it's, it's a hypoid saw, which is the way hypoid is a kind of a gear drive, which is also called a worm drive saw. But it's also a right handed saw. And he is operating it with his left hand, which means he will not be able to see where he's cutting.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But look at his ass. It looks pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Very tight jeans.

[Ronan Hershberg]

He's really sticking his butt up.

[Adam Carolla]

He's doing what baboons call presenting. Now back to you jacking off. Can I say this?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm gonna bring it home.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Okay, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I am left handed. I've been left handed my whole life. And when I got onto a construction site when I was 19, the most popular tool is a skil saw, which is also a high point saw, which is also worm drive saw. But that one's not a skil saw skill. People say like they say Q tip when they mean cotton swab. It's a skill saw. But that's a makita saw. Skill's a brand one.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Talking to a Jew, I don't know. I don't know. Manual labor.

[Adam Carolla]

I started holding it with my left hand because I'm left handed and it's a heavy saw and it's powerful and it's got torque because the motor faces front to back and when you fire it up, it torques, it pulls like it goes tong and it's a little dangerous. It's like a little heavy and it's a little hairy. And by the way, it has a saw. It has a saw blade guide protector. It has a safety thing on it. But everyone pulls them back and pins them out of the way because they fuck you up. When you're trying to do diagonal cutter, they get bound up. It's like it's a blade safety that makes it hard. So everyone gets rid of the safety. So it's a big hairy saw that's kind of dangerous and it's not the kind of saw you'd want to use with your bad hands.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But they were all right handed saws and that's all they made. And I think they make left handed saws now, but they didn't back then. So I learned to use this with my right hand and that's how I learned to cut. And then I got better with my right hand with this saw than my left hand because that's what I Did like a boxer would get better with their jab, even though it was their bad hand. After throwing 10,000 jabs, that's actually your better jab hand than your good hand. That's why you gotta learn to beat off in the shower. Because. Yes.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Wondering where this is going.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going back to the shower.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I had a feeling it was gonna

[Adam Carolla]

go to the show. I wish I could have just laid down on that job site and came all over my belly, but I couldn't. I learned how to operate the saw with my bad hand. And if you would have the kind of intestinal fortitude I had and wherewithal and focus that I had to learn that very dangerous tool with my bad hand. You could handle your tool in the

[Ronan Hershberg]

shower, but you'd also have to use your memory or imagination. So that's making it doubly difficult. You know what I mean? I need the computer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I'd have to be learning standing up.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, this is. No one said it was gonna be easy. Come on.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Now, the other thing I noticed about movies and porn, which I've always thought,

[Adam Carolla]

although I did have a friend

[Ronan Hershberg]

who

[Adam Carolla]

watched Debbie Does Dallas enough times that

[Ronan Hershberg]

he jacked off with his. Without touching, with no hands. I thought that's what you were gonna

[Adam Carolla]

say, that he recorded the soundtrack, the audible of Debbie Does Dallas, put it in a cassette and jacked off in the shower. So he could. This is 30 years ago. Like, before.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Whatever. Like you, he's like a wannabe blind guy. He doesn't need the visuals.

[Adam Carolla]

He Pavlovian dogged it so many times. He raw Pavlovian dogged it so many times that when he would go into the shower, because he had, like, roommates or something, he'd go into the shower, he'd just play the soundtrack.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Now, I will say, you might try to convince me about stand up not needing a visual. I would say porn needs the visual. Visual. I'd say. I'd put my foot. I'd say I need the visual more than the sound.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue you're right. But I would say if there was one movie in one scene and you just watched that over and over and over again, eventually just the audible of it would be a primer.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Look, I almost jacked off to a Fiona Apple song once, so I get it. Yeah. Very sexist song. She's very sexy. You know, the other thing interesting about movies, I've been saying for a while, is that in porn, everyone has sex for way too long. Like, way more longer than we have. In real life, but in the movies, it's the opposite. Everyone's, like, just coming early. Every sex scene in a movie, it's like a guy in a hallway with a woman and they fuck after, like, five seconds, and she's completely satisfied. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, all right, listen.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But no, sometimes they show the completion. It's very short.

[Adam Carolla]

They usually, like, jacking off on the bed sometimes. Yes. But when they're doing the sex in the bathroom of the airplane, they usually just show them going away.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then later on, she's. She's satisfied.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But so I was saying, I went out. So I went out with Jeff Ross and Jimmy and Cousin Sal for dinner and was kind of fun because Jeff was preparing for the Kevin Hart roast.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he brought his whole monologue in. And then, as tradition would have it, which is weird, from way back in the man show days, Cousin Sal would always do Jeff Ross material. And I don't know why, but we decided at this table to hand the monologue to Cousin Sal. And then he did the whole thing.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's like a reunion.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Jeff Ross. Yeah, it was a reunion. And I had a thing that I'm cursed when it comes to technology. And I lived. I wasn't too far away from where we were going to dinner, which was, I don't know, four or five miles from my house. But I knew we were going to have a long dinner, and I knew I was going to have a few martinis, so I thought I should just Uber there. And I. So my Uber always fucks up. So I said to my assistant that day, I said, here's my phone. Call Uber, let's see if this works. And she goes, yep, it works. And then I go. Three hours later, I was here. We were doing dinner that night. I go, try Uber again. Make sure Uber works. Uber works. Okay. Then dinner's at 7:30, 7:10. And I hit Uber. And it says, I need a new method of payment. I know something. I'm like, what is this? And he goes, you need to choose a new method of payment. And I'm like, what the fuck? And by the way, I tried it twice before, but now I need a new method of payment. So I call my assistant and I go, I hope you're sitting down, but my fucking Uber doesn't work. And then I go, can you just call me? She goes, why? I'm driving, but I can call in, like, 20 minutes. And I'm like, we're eating at 7:30. I know all these guys, they'll be there at 7:28. And I go, shit. So she goes, well, why don't you call Andrew? He could order you an Uber who's in the next room. So I go, okay. So I call Andrews at a comedy club, and I go, can you order me an Uber? And I texted him my address, and he goes, yeah. And then I get all the Uber stuff, and then it's two minutes, you know, it's eight minutes away. Then it's like two minutes away. And then it goes, the Uber has arrived. And I go downstairs and I stand on my driveway, and there's no Uber anywhere to be found. And then I call Andrew and I go, did you give him the right address? And he's like, I gave him this address. I go, that's my address. And then I stood there and I looked around, and it's like a gray Toyota Sienna. And in the distance, I see a minivan turn around, a gray Sienna and just leave. And then I get a thing that says, Uber's left.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You missed the window.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, but what the fuck? It wasn't even near my house. Nobody speaks English. Like, I get it, but these are numbers. And also, how the fuck. How much shittier luck can you have with Uber than your Uber? Doesn't work that. I tested twice.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I think some people got raped and Uber, Uber. So you can't have shittier luck.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're right. I could be raped in Uber.

[Ronan Hershberg]

There was a rape.

[Adam Carolla]

This is why I stand in my Uber.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Like, how much worse could it get? At Uber, there is rape.

[Adam Carolla]

There's rape and murder. You're right. You're right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But, yeah, just try to get your sense of perspective.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be a lateral move for what happened to me that day vis a vis Uber. But, yes, I literally watched a person take off. And by the way, then they charged us.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is crazy. But also. So it's kind of weird when you got the address, and I know English isn't your first language, but you just pull in front of a closed furniture store and just sit there. And then look, you don't think to go up the street where the houses are. And also, I'm standing in my driveway like, I'm standing on the street watching the person turn around.

[Ronan Hershberg]

And now do you. Look, I'm not trying to victim blame here, but do you look at the phone and see the window of time and be like, I gotta find this Uber?

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Cause that's the stressful. You got five minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

It said eight minutes. And at, like, minute Number six. I literally just went downstairs and stood in the driveway. And then it said the Uber's in front of your house.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right? And then you have, once Ubers arrive, you have a five minute window before they leave. I actually like to play when I get to the airport. I order an Uber before I get into the shuttle. Going to where you get the Uber at the lot. It's very fun cause I couldn't miss it. But I like to live dangerously.

[Adam Carolla]

You, that's what they call Jewish daredevil. He stared.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I have my non alcoholic beer with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Heineken 0 between his legs.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I could be charged $5 if I miss it. Yeah, Jewish roulette.

[Adam Carolla]

Who will survive the five dollar surcharge?

[Ronan Hershberg]

But so, yeah, so I like that, I like that, like, you know, that, that danger, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I unfortunately poor Andrew, who's at a comedy club trying to do something, I had to just call him back and then get into the whole part about Uber. And then he had to order me another Uber. And then I realized I was now gonna be 20 minutes late for this dinner that I was really looking forward to.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But the rape thing has really helped Uber. Cause now anyone has a bad experience, they can be like, at least I didn't get raped.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you need perspective.

[Ronan Hershberg]

So it's kind of helped Uber like lower the bar for, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you need a kind of a baseline to lay down. You're right. Shame on me for saying I had the worst experience anyone could ever have with Uber. I just want Waymo. Now.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Do you go, do you do that? I've only done that once.

[Adam Carolla]

I literally, I realized that I must remove the human component of every facet of life because this person could not figure out my address. And it's not an issue because I've had a million Ubers just pull up.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You're saying Waymo does it better.

[Adam Carolla]

Waymo would just literally put the digits into their computer and then pull up in front of my house.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You're saying you don't need, you don't need the human touch of Uber.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want that. You know, also everybody I've got is from some sort of war torn nation, you know, where they have to give me their hard luck story. And then at some point between that

[Ronan Hershberg]

and the rape, you really can't complain about Uber.

[Adam Carolla]

But at some point they'll throw you a curveball. They'll go like, yeah, I have a boat. You know, you're like, why do you have a boat? I don't have a boat. You drive for Uber and you have a boat.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's probably the boat. He. He was probably like his pirate or something.

[Adam Carolla]

He got here from Cuba sitting in her tube.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's probably not the kind of boat you're thinking of. My therapist was a Ukrainian and I had to stop because it was like, I felt like I couldn't complain.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Family there still?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. He's a war torn Ukraine. And you're like, my writer said pop Tarts, but what I got was toaster pastry, so that is not a pop tartar.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Barista isn't looking at me right when I go there. I thought she was cute, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Is it gay when the barista makes a heart on another dude's latte? Is that gay? I feel like that's a little. Don't you feel that's a little gay?

[Ronan Hershberg]

I think it's gay when they do it to a woman. And I think anyone making hearts and coffee is gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but. But if they're doing it to a woman, it's like, you know, maybe Valentine's coffee. You know what I mean? That could be heterosexual.

[Ronan Hershberg]

What do you think this is gay? I got. He did the latte and he put a dick in it. Fucking an ass.

[Adam Carolla]

That gay standing up?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, standing up.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. That could be gay.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like the.

[Ronan Hershberg]

He put in the foam. I am gay. Is that gay also?

[Adam Carolla]

So if it takes them an extra minute to do the foam heart or the olive branch or whatever the fucking thing they're doing on top of your latte.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Some point someone's got to pay for that.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, they're charging you for that.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I don't need it.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I don't need any kind of design that's gonna go. That I'm gonna then destroy.

[Adam Carolla]

Also kind of forces a compliment, right?

[Ronan Hershberg]

You can't just be like. Yeah. You can't ignore it. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You look down and go, oh, look at you. Only 44.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Your parents, if they're alive, must be so proud.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I just go, what, are you trying to suck my dick? Yeah, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I know it. It forces. It's kind of like when someone goes, I got a new shirt. What do you have to go? Oh, it's a nice sweater.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You know, someone said they had a weird dream and I got asked. Yeah. About this thing that we both know didn't happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Oh, what didn't happen next?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then here's another fictitious.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I'm not really interested in what happens to you in real life, but sure, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, unless It's a dream that makes them seem really weird.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But every dream is weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's true.

[Ronan Hershberg]

The only way it'd be worth it if it wasn't weird. I guess they're all weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know how you dream.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Uh huh. Jews dream the same way. In case you were wondering.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a little dream.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Pot of gold, of money.

[Adam Carolla]

So I dream oftentimes about very mundane stuff that I'm sort of relieved when I get up.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Oh, interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I'll like have a dream that somebody stole my catalytic converter and I'll go like, ah, God damn it. Shit, I gotta tow it in or who's is insurance gonna. And then I'll wake up and I'll go, I have my catalytic converter.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That's great. You have like shitty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't have king of the world dreams because that's the worst. That's disappointing. You know what I mean? Grandiose. I don't have grandiose dreams.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, I don't either. All my dreams are nightmares and that sounds like a lyric or something. But like I have a lot of stress, you know. The most common dream I have is I've murdered someone and I'm running away from the cops.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, I'll do the. Somehow murdered someone and own the lamb.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I have that so much. And then I'm like, yeah, you know, I don't know. But so I guess I'm relieved when I wake up either that I'm getting raped in Uber. Those are my dreams.

[Adam Carolla]

Start standing like the Pope. That's what I do when I'm in that Uber. I take the. The Pope mobile and I stand. And lessens your chance of rape by 81%. I don't know if you've looked into that.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's the highest porn category. Uber rape.

[Adam Carolla]

Uber rape. Uber rape also just sounds like a lot of rape.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah, Uber rape.

[Adam Carolla]

You're super pro. Uber rap. This guy does a ton of raping.

[Ronan Hershberg]

The ultimate rapist, Nietzschean uber rapist.

[Adam Carolla]

I do have super morbid rape thoughts sometimes. Like when people go like, sorry, but when they go like, you know, during the music festival with the Palestinian Hamas, like they're coming in like they're killing everybody and raping and it's like I really could. I mean it feels like there's a lot going on to be raping in that particular time. You know what I mean?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Like yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I, I don't feel like I could physically rape somebody with like grenades going off and you wouldn't Be able

[Ronan Hershberg]

to get it up or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I, like. I feel like I need a little, like, a little focus here. Like, I need some quiet.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I don't know how any rapist ever gets it up. I just. It's like kind of a. I don't get it either. I need things to be pretty, like. Like, calm and supportive for me to get it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ronan Hershberg]

The person's screaming at me. It's very hard for me to, like. Not that I would rape anyway, but I'm just saying, if I was like, it's, you know, whatever. I. I don't. Or like the prison rape, I would never be able to. I would be the guy. They, like, rape him. Now I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, you definitely bottom.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I don't know how people get it up for that. Yeah, I.

[Adam Carolla]

So I agree with you. Where you go, who could do this in this environment? Like, we kind of throw it away. Like, they go, they killed babies and then they raped the women. It's like, if there's a gunfire going off and people coming up, by the way, there's also such thing as people fighting back or slamming. There could be danger. There could be troops coming in on ATVs firing. So I have no idea how the rape works, but they must.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Unless, I guess, like, for a regular person to get it up, you need a little support. I think rapists are the opposite.

[Adam Carolla]

They're turned on.

[Ronan Hershberg]

They need a little.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the part, like, though, I think that adds to them, but I don't think it's that much different than, like, when you go, this guy's into watching German chicks step on cockroaches and high heels. I'm kind of like, I don't like that at all.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I feel that would hinder me.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you're into it.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, rapist likes no. But the reason they like no is because they're rapists.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

We don't like no because we're not rapists. So no means no. But if you're a rapist, no means I get to keep. So they like. They like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now I gotta tell you, Dr. Drew's favorite joke of mine. There's only one joke he likes is when I go, they used to say it all the time. They don't do it anymore. Where they go, rape's not a. It's not a sexual thing. It's a violence. It's a violent, violent act. It's not sexual. It's a violent act. Which is kind of what we're talking about. Like, they like it. Yeah, they like it. You know what I mean? And they like the violence. And it's not about sex, it's about violence. And I'm like, yeah, it's like no different than if you went to a convenience store and like robbed the guy and pistol whipped him and then came, then left. You know what I mean? Like, or five said an atm. A guy came up behind me, put a shiv in my side, then he

[Ronan Hershberg]

came and he left.

[Adam Carolla]

Left. The only sexual part's the part where you're coming all the time.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the only part. There's no sexual component except for the jizz flying out of your dick.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

I would kind of argue for them it is a sexual thing because they're having an orgasm.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's sex and violence intertwined. It happens. I think what happens like they say with serial killers, it happens when you're younger, at a certain point when you're getting sexual. Violence is a part of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

And you need it to get so it's not like, it's not like it has nothing to do with sex. Because if that was the case, they'd just be, they would, they'd just be violent. It's like intertwined. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They wouldn't rape you, they just steal.

[Ronan Hershberg]

They're like, it has nothing to do with sex. It has a little.

[Adam Carolla]

That's something to do.

[Ronan Hershberg]

They are having sex. Yeah. It's not like they're just. I mean it'd be one thing if you're like he stepped on a dog. You're like, that's not sexual. Yeah, I get it. Right. Unless you come.

[Adam Carolla]

But like right now it is your. Now it is.

[Ronan Hershberg]

If you rape someone, there is sex. But yeah, it's violence too. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also weird too when it's like the 89 year old woman from Pasadena was asleep in her bed when it's like 80.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well then that does kind of show you that it might have more to do with violence.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're getting into Ron Lester territory.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But yes, because you would think if you're a rapist and then the whole it's an evil thing, but if you were a rapist, it seemed like the one benefit is that you can and be picky.

[Adam Carolla]

Well the thing.

[Ronan Hershberg]

See, that must be a violence.

[Adam Carolla]

No. So here's what I think. I think when you look at rape through a non rapist heterosexual lens, you're like, just go find a spokesmodel and

[Ronan Hershberg]

Rape one of them, you're just like rape someone hot and just also have them want to have it. You're just turning it into not rape. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Turn it into. Are you fucking a spokesmodel? It's basically turning it for them.

[Ronan Hershberg]

So I guess it is violence then. Cause they're not like how attracted can you be to an 89 year old woman?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know if there's categories. Like I'm a discerning rapist, I have a keen eye. Like I'm not raping anything under a seven.

[Ronan Hershberg]

No. But I think. Yeah, but I think you're right. The most like rapists say, well, they don't care. I don't know. That's a good question. Maybe some are, some aren't.

[Adam Carolla]

I think rape is the attraction and thus you can rape the old lady or whatever it is, whatever thing that would make us think it's the least attractive. You can do it. Yes, but I do see lots of homely women who are like up in front of Congress going as a victim of sexual assault. And my first thought is, where are you? But then I'm wondering sometimes if they're just, you know, like, you know, like if you sit around, if there's guys sitting around, right. And they don't know each other that well. Right. And they'll go like one guy goes, yeah, well I went to a few high schools because I used to brawl a lot in high school and I kicked the dean of students ass. And then I had to transfer to Grant, you know, and then like the next guy talks about kicking some guy's ass somewhere, the third guy will make up an ass kicking story just to kind of not want to sit there. Think sometimes the homely chicks do that, like they'll just bring in their own story.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't think so?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, I mean, I think it depends also, it might be a long time ago I'll do that. Or they may be maybe after the rape they got fat.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You know, which happens a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I'm now thinking you're right because we've decided the rapists aren't doing it based on the aesthetic or that.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It could go all through sorts of things.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I kind of feel that way about gay dudes never hitting on me.

[Ronan Hershberg]

They never hit on you?

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Ronan Hershberg]

What do you feel? You feel like they're not.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to just like if I was sitting around with some dudes after we're talking about kicking ass.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And at some point we segued into gay dudes hitting on us after the first two or three dudes talked about being bothered by gay dudes.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd probably make up a gay dude story.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, Gay people do hit on me a lot. I. Well, gay people are very progressive about the whole fat thing. They love a fat guy. Unlike women, who can be quite fat phobic.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a category?

[Ronan Hershberg]

I have a category. There's no category for women. There's no like bear in the woman. No, that's just a guy they don't fuck. But gay people are into fat. It's like a prize. If I was gay, I mean, my wife is very attractive, but if I was gay, I could have a fucking model. Because you see these fat guys with like the hottest. You know what I mean? Gay people love me. I'm fat. I have dick sucking lips.

[Adam Carolla]

They love me.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Me, you know? Yeah. I get some messages that are like, oh, really? That are like sometimes quite, quite graphic.

[Adam Carolla]

You're.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I'm like, I don't know. Women are complaining about this. Seems nice getting.

[Adam Carolla]

You're kind of compact for a bear, but I'd give you a teddy bear. Is there a teddy bear category? Like a shorter, cuter bear?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right. I guess I get like a big guy. That's a good thing. Teddy bear.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, teddy bear is good.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Panda bear or what's a small bear,

[Adam Carolla]

but that's half black, half white. Now we're getting it. Erase.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You know, what's a, What's a small bear?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you could be koala, but now there's Australia.

[Ronan Hershberg]

That means I have the cloud of syphilis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no teddy bear. That's good for you.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I like that. I like that. It's also funny that, like, people like, the homophobic people are like, if we let Gabriel get married next, we'll be marrying animals. And now all you hear is like, this gay guy got married to a bear. He got married to a. It's like, shit. It happened.

[Adam Carolla]

I could see you making a lot of hay in the teddy bear department and I could see why dudes would be into you.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I mean, I get the gay messages. I don't get the straight. I mean, sometimes, but not really. I don't get like the women like the men messages are like, like, you know, like, I want to, you know, stick my cock in your mouth and shit like that.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, hey, we do kind of a family friendly show, so, you know, we talk about rape for 40 minutes, but you really gotta have to tone

[Ronan Hershberg]

it down by the Way this show is clean. I don't know if I show far.

[Adam Carolla]

We only have seven minutes of show we've done. We can use.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It's a f. Everything else got to be cut out. So funny. I just don't want to tell you,

[Adam Carolla]

you're on such a roll with like,

[Ronan Hershberg]

it's a clean show. But like, we'll just try to use what we can use.

[Adam Carolla]

We have seven syllables so far.

[Ronan Hershberg]

No. But yeah, I feel like I do well in the. The gay community.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think I do. I would. I don't have guy. I did. When I was coming up in my improv troupe, one of my best friends was a big Jewish, bearded gay dude. And I used to think I should like feel bad, like he's not gonna, you know, get in. But I didn't realize tons of hot, well built dudes, like dudes that look yoked with their shirts off a fat guy, were with this big fat guy.

[Ronan Hershberg]

A fat guy has such high value in the gay community. Obviously there's a term.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

And it's just not the same with women. Women are shallow. They can't see past the fat.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing about, you know what you want is, I really kind of realized is in lieu of being hot, like, being hot will fix anything. Male, female, whatever. You don't need a category. Yeah, but if you're not hot, you should pick a lane. Like it could be. It doesn't have to be gay. I'm just saying, like, it could be rockabilly. You know, you be the rockabilly guy. Yeah. You got a hook. You know what I mean? You be the goth guy. There used to be tattoo sleeve guy. Now every fucking jack off's got tattoos. Like you used to pick Elaine and then you just score all the goth chick pussy.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Right, right, right, right. Yeah, that's true. You gotta have.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not good enough. Like if you're a Hemsworth brother, you just go, I'll take all of it.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you're not that good looking and you're. Dude, you kind of have to pick a lane. That's in the heterosexual department.

[Ronan Hershberg]

It helps like if you're a fat guy but you have tattoos and are grunge, you can get like an attractive grunge lady.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Because she likes the aesthetic. Even if you're. Yeah, that's a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ronan Hershberg]

I don't really have a lane.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you're gay, you'd have a whole highway. You know where that would lead? Right to Hershey, Pennsylvania. Hershey highway.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah. No, I mean, you know, I, I, you know, I, I wish I was gay.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I was gay too, but I'm not.

[Ronan Hershberg]

But I, you know, it's, it's obviously not a choice because I would choose it, I would choose it too, just to get like all these hot dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

I ate dinner for three hours and I laughed the entire time. And then someone else paid for it. Any kind of reflection on me. Out with a woman.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, yeah. Though it's interesting was gay guys, they love the fat guy because you think, you know, fat guy kind of has like tits. It makes you wonder if these gay guys are kind of like have a foot in the old heterosexual world a little, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I like we're heading with this, but I think the gay guy with the fat guy is a strong category, but not necessarily the lion's share. Like they like a Ricky Martin type. They like the well built type. Probably more so. But listen, you only need 10% of the gays to have thousands of dudes to hook up with.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Well, that's what I'm saying. But I'm saying if you're a gay guy who likes the fat guy. Do you like tits? A little. You know what I mean? Yeah, but maybe, but we're all on the spectrum. I like a woman with short hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Me too.

[Ronan Hershberg]

We're on the spectrum. You know, at some level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like a guy, but I like a woman with short hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ronan Hershberg]

You know, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually I do, I do like a, like a. You're right. I never really thought about it. Like, I do like a woman with a cock.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Yeah, like a woman with a cock. It's not. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's get a plug out the short film Memory Room. Where do we find that?

[Ronan Hershberg]

Oh yeah, that is a short film that I wrote and directed that's gonna be out Friday on my YouTube channel. Watch it live at 7pm Eastern. It's a thriller about a caretaker who suspects one of her patients with dementia may have committed a crime in the past. And it's, it's, it's one award best short film at the New York Short International Film Festival. And we're just releasing it on YouTube. So watch it live 7pm Eastern on YouTube. Just type in Memory Rock Room.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be this Friday. Also morbidly Jewish. Very funny. Stand up special. Watch that on YouTube. All right, we'll take a break. We'll bring in Alicia Krause for news right after this. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Hey, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. That's what O'Reilly does. There are not many car issues I can't figure out, but if I'm stumped, I go right to O'Reilly immediately. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they will help you find the right one. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. They held the door for me last time I was there. I told you that O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right?

[Announcer or Producer]

Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam

[Adam Carolla]

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[Announcer or Producer]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Adam, about you wondering who your

[Alicia Krause]

mom would vote for for LA mayor if she was still alive.

[Adam Carolla]

We all know your mom most likely

[Alicia Krause]

will be voting in your upcoming election. Dying is not a problem where voting is concerned. Love your show.

[Announcer or Producer]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's true. My mom's probably voted in several elections since she's been gone in California. That is true. Alicia Krause is here. She's got the news.

[Alicia Krause]

I sure do. Ready to get into it. All right, so RIP Spirit Airlines. Have you ever flown Spirit?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I did one time when we had sort of no other choice. Although I don't. You know, people sort of complain about stuff like they go, you fly Spirit, but they charge you 50 bucks for a bat. Yeah, they have to make money. They can't just charge $30 for a flight. They have to do other things to make them money.

[Alicia Krause]

And they go charge you for water.

[Adam Carolla]

I was on spear and the seat didn't recline. Like. Yes, I know. It's that people do this all the time. They go, I go to the Home Depot. No one knows nothing. I gotta walk up and down the aisle, there's nobody there. I gotta go. Yes, right? And a sheet of plywood is $27. If you wanna go to the Anahalt Lumber, on the corner you'll find a guy with a beard who's in his 40s who knows everything about plywood. And you $41 a sheet there.

[Alicia Krause]

Yay capitalism.

[Adam Carolla]

Yay. That's how it works. You decided to go to the cheapest place to get the cheapest thing and that's what you got. Which is a great option to have. Although there are people that formally only rode the bus and they weren't meant to fly, like there are people that aren't meant to fly. They're meant to be transported via a bus, not an airplane. Because an airplane.

[Alicia Krause]

Because they don't have the etiquette to fly.

[Adam Carolla]

Airplane involves a lot of order. You know what I mean? Like, hey, when you're in the back of the plane and we land, you don't get to walk to the front past everyone in the front of the plane.

[Alicia Krause]

I see that happen on all airlines though, not just the discount ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you for shitting on my point. There are always gonna be those people out there, but it's not an airline for those people.

[Alicia Krause]

Put it in the nomination bucket, Andrew. Put it in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they're always those people. But I'm saying what happens when it's mostly those people now we have fist fights.

[Alicia Krause]

I think that it's not the discount airlines though. I think it's culture, broader cultural problem that people are so selfish and into what they want when they want it. Right now, like same day delivery, liking the TikTok, just sticking to like what they see and what they like and what they want.

[Adam Carolla]

So like if you go Singapore Air on one of those transcontinental flights, it's a different culture.

[Alicia Krause]

It's a different culture that views things like very differently. Like there's respect, Asian culture, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're saying it's a black thing?

[Alicia Krause]

No, I'm saying it's an American culture thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so on an American flight, like if you flew American or United States, they'd have as much of it as they would on a cheap airline.

[Alicia Krause]

Yes, I see it all the time. Cause when I do speeches in the middle of the country, American and United are the only airlines that Go there and you see people of all backgrounds doing the same thing. Putting their jackets and their backpacks and

[Adam Carolla]

the overhead jeans to the same extent as Spirit rushing through. So like you would see as many fights at the counter at the airport. The only fights at the counter, the only Spirit is there would be like American.

[Alicia Krause]

I don't know that I've seen that many airline flights. When I've seen people yell at an attendant, it was always in Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're saying the Spirit airline does not attract a certain breed that should be on a bus. You're saying it's equal through all the airlines?

[Alicia Krause]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's all the same.

[Alicia Krause]

I think it's horrible all around.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the question isn't is it horrible? The question is, is it an equally dispersed.

[Alicia Krause]

Yes. Anecdotally, from what I've seen. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

If you went and looked up videos of people fighting on airplanes, it would be equally dispersed amongst Spirit Airline and American or United or Lufthansa.

[Alicia Krause]

I think it would. I think what you're looking for is what, what routes are the most rowdy. And I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think poor people fight more than rich people?

[Alicia Krause]

Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think poor people in general fight more than rich people?

[Alicia Krause]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So if there was a plane, plane that was dedicated to poor people versus a plane that was dedicated to rich people, you think there'd be less fighting on the rich person plane?

[Alicia Krause]

Spirit versus Jet Suite X.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah, there's gonna be more fighting on Spirit.

[Adam Carolla]

But a minute ago you're just saying it was the same as sporting.

[Alicia Krause]

No, I said for all commercial airlines. United, American, Spirit, JetBlue. I think that the inability of people to just have normal.

[Adam Carolla]

But not jet Suite X.

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not?

[Alicia Krause]

Well, if you got a whole bunch of drunk influencers on Jet Suite X. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so it makes however much the price factors in to the fighting or not.

[Alicia Krause]

I'm torn.

[Adam Carolla]

I still think we just said poor people fight more than rich people.

[Alicia Krause]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so then poor people have less money to spend on an airline.

[Alicia Krause]

But I think that your assumption is that all of Spirit Airlines audience was significantly poor people is not necessarily true. There's a lot of like middle class families that were flying Spirit airline cause it's expensive to fly a family of four to Disneyland.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I didn't say all. I never said all. I just said more. More. More people.

[Alicia Krause]

More poor people are on Spirit than on other airlines.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Okay, you disagree with that?

[Alicia Krause]

I don't know. Cause I haven't seen the data. I think that the average American who flies goes, where is the cheapest ticket and when do I need to go and get there?

[Adam Carolla]

So you have like Mastro Steakhouse and then you have Sizzler Steakhouse. Do you think more poor people eat at Sizzler or Mastro's?

[Alicia Krause]

Sizzler.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Cause why?

[Alicia Krause]

Because it's more affordable for them. And so if they're gonna go for a night out, they're gonna go to Disney's or Olive Garden with all you can eat buffet or.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but then why doesn't that apply to the airline?

[Alicia Krause]

Because oftentimes Spirit, on average, actually wasn't that. Once again, my anecdotal experience of flying around the country, just like you do

[Adam Carolla]

a lot, wasn't cheap as only that,

[Alicia Krause]

but it wasn't that much cheaper in comparison to other airlines once you add in all of the things.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so Spirit isn't cheaper than other airlines.

[Alicia Krause]

It was advertising itself to be, but on average, no, it was not.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so is it like middle ground expensive? Where is it? Where would it be? At the bottom. In the middle. At the top, Yeah.

[Alicia Krause]

I often saw like it in the middle and then Southwest Novella were often less expensive.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Yep. All right, so it's not to do with money.

[Alicia Krause]

Okay, well, they don't have any money anymore. They filed for bankruptcy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, I don't fly Spirit. It was just seemed to be that that's how they were presented as the cheapest.

[Alicia Krause]

They did advertise themselves as that or the more affordable one. So people are pointing fingers here. People on the right are saying it's Elizabeth Warren's fault. And people on the left are saying, no, it's the war in Iran and increased gas prices, which is also the excuse that Spirit Management has used as well, apparently under the Biden administration. Of course, the DOJ was trying to say, hey, we don't want a monopoly formed because JetBlue had previously offered to buy them, which Elizabeth Warren at the time bragged about. She said, quote, I've warned for months that a JetBlue and Spirit Airlines merger would have to have led to fewer flights and higher fares. And she said that the U.S. department of Transportation and the Justice Department were right to stand up for consumers and fight against the runaway airline consolidation. This is a Biden win for Flyers.

[Adam Carolla]

That's weird. They're so worried about somebody having the market cornered on something. But they're the government. They're the ultimate market cornerer. They're the ultimate non competitive. They're all like, with airlines, we can't have one big airline. They're going to gouge everybody. Isn't that kind of what you do as the government? There's just one big U, like student loans. I can't go anywhere else and get anything. I have to deal with you. I would put the same to Liz Warren. I would argue the reason everything is so fucking bloated and shitty and slow and expensive is because you have a monopoly on this. I can't go get a building permit from a local company that does building permits. I have to go to you, which means I have to wait in line. And it's fat and bureaucratic.

[Alicia Krause]

I also don't like the idea of the government. So then I guess Spirit went to the government was like, oh, can you give us a bailout? And then the government would have have been the majority shareholder in an airline, which I guess is what Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren want. But I don't see that being great either.

[Adam Carolla]

But also, if there's, for the sake of argument, major airlines, let's just say seven major airlines and now there's six. Is that a monopoly? Why not let them merge with. And by the way, then we'll decide whether we want to use their airline or not. List their own.

[Alicia Krause]

I actually got really excited when Hawaiian and Alaska merged because I'm like, well, great. Get those points. They're combined now. Cheaper fares, more flight options. I think that JetBlue and Spirit would have been great. I think that it creates a more competitive market when everybody's trying to one up everybody else and the services that they can provide and the routes that they can provide, et cetera.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. You have that Mark Rubio video, which is awesome. He loves it. I don't know where, I don't know why. It's funny showing black people fight, which I don't get at all. Because I don't know why anyone would make a video where black people are fighting in Spirit airline situation. Because it doesn't make sense. The thing about comedies, it has to capture zeitgeist. People have to know what you're talking about. You can't go, every time I'm on the freeway, I always got some slow German guy in a Porsche in front of me. People go, what? That doesn't make sense. Right. So this is a video where somebody decided to make everyone fighting black for some reason, but it doesn't make sense to me.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Looks like you're going to have to

[Adam Carolla]

take over Spirit too.

[Ronan Hershberg]

Marco.

[Adam Carolla]

Why are all the people black and why are they fighting? These AI is the Greatest thing ever. I don't care if they turn the nukes on us.

[Alicia Krause]

I just love how Marco Rubio has all the jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

He's pouring Hennessy. And why is everyone black? I don't get it. It's confusing to me. The correct. People feeds. All right, we got it. It's the best.

[Alicia Krause]

I don't like the Marco Rubio hitting women, but the rest is the best.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why they're blind. All right, anyway, Marco Rubio has every

[Alicia Krause]

job in the administration, though. I know. Did you see the memes about Marco Rubio?

[Adam Carolla]

It's the greatest.

[Alicia Krause]

Having every job. Like there was a Marco Rubio being a member of the force.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it's all the best.

[Alicia Krause]

There's also Marco Rubio that was DJing at a wedding over the weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

That was real, right?

[Alicia Krause]

This is real. This is not AI. According to Dan Scavino and other people that were at the wedding taking this footage, he was at a family wedding, and he went behind the DJ booth.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing this man can't do. On tempo I hate this.

[Alicia Krause]

Oh, you hate this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I hate DJs. I hate all DJs.

[Alicia Krause]

You hate weddings and dancing and fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, just hate all DJs. I hate all DJs. Now, here's the thing about the other story. Another thing I was thinking about. I like Rubio a lot. This DJ thing is a strike.

[Alicia Krause]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna admit that. But Donald Trump being excited for the World Cup? Big fat strike. If there's anyone on this planet that hates soccer, it's Donald Trump. I hate soccer. Donald Trump owned, like, an expansion football, USFL football team or whatever it is. He loves the ufc, which is the exact opposite of soccer. Anyone who loves football and loves the ufc, Pelopsi fucking hates soccer. I know. He has to put on a happy face and act like he's excited about these foreigners doing nothing. Tie. Two. Two at the end of four hours. I know Donald Trump hates soccer, but

[Alicia Krause]

he went to the. Is it FIFA? I don't even know.

[Adam Carolla]

He's doing what you have to do.

[Alicia Krause]

He went there, and they presented him the trophy, and he was like, this is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

He's doing what you have. You cannot say I hate soccer. You will. You'll be a pariah to everyone on the planet.

[Alicia Krause]

I don't know. I think there's a lot of people on the conservative side of the aisle that talk about how horrible soccer is and how American football is a better sport, and it requires more, like, ingenuity and overall strength and fortitude you're disagreeing

[Adam Carolla]

with what I'm saying? I think I'm saying you can say whatever you want, but you can't be the president and say you hate soccer. Oh, yes, you can. But it's Trump.

[Alicia Krause]

He can say whatever he wants.

[Adam Carolla]

Ben Shapiro can say he hates soccer. Nobody's gonna care. Trump said Megyn Kelly can hate soccer. No one's gonna care. Trump, you cannot welcome the world to come to you to play the World cup and say you hate soccer. He can't. He's a business guy. He's not. He's not gonna do that.

[Alicia Krause]

I think, though, that he does kind of say things off the cuff that he actually believes. And if he deep down believes that, like, he doesn't like soccer, it might come out at some point. I think a part of him doesn't care.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. But he is not gonna say it while bragging about getting the World Cup.

[Alicia Krause]

The World cup here.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. Are you gonna be one of the

[Alicia Krause]

people that leaves L. A When the World cup comes?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to leave the planet when. When the World cup comes. Because I fucking hate soccer and it sucks. And soccer is part of.

[Dawson]

The.

[Adam Carolla]

Part of the problem with LA LA's Mexico now. That's why they love soccer. Nobody gave a shit about soccer when I was a kid. Soccer's like, that's a homo sport. I'm gonna get out of silk shorts and run around like a pansy. Fuck that. Nobody cared about soccer when I was a kid. Cause we had real sports. We play football now. They don't let kids play football. Cause they're pussies. And so they don't wanna get them injured. So they're. By the way, what makes you think your kids was gonna do something important anyway? Where they needed their brain. But all the football players are all the best guys. They have all these little soccer pussies. And that's why guys are now chicks now. So I don't like it. I don't like a. Culturally, and I know Trump doesn't drink. But if I ever sat down with him in a quiet spot and we had a couple of drinks, at some point he would tell me how much he hates fucking soccer. That's my belief.

[Alicia Krause]

Alrighty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Aura. Well, you gonna get your mom flowers this Mother's Day? Hmm? How about you get her something she really wants? Something she can hang onto. She fed you for 18 years. The least you can do is make her special day actually special. And that's why this Mother's Day, you should get her an aura frame. I have one. It's amazing. Always puts you in a good mood. Tons of memories. It's the world's smartest digital frame. That's what aura is. They have free unlimited storage, so you can add as many photos and videos as you want. And you can preload photos before it ships. Sounds pretty special, huh? Keep adding gifs I should say keep adding pictures anywhere, anytime. Make Mother's Day special with aura frames. Am I right? Dawson?

[Announcer or Producer]

Named number one by Wirecutter. You can save on the gifts moms love by visiting auraframes.com for a limited time. Listeners can get $25 off their best selling Carver mat frame with COD Corolla. That's a U R A frames.com promo code. Corolla Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Dawson]

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[Ronan Hershberg]

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[Alicia Krause]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Alicia Krause]

Speaking of California things, the big things happening. Unfortunately, the big things that are happening here are increasing cost of gas keeps going up, up, up and the California Post says it's doomsday for California as the last barrel of oil from the Middle east has arrived down at the port of LA in Long beach. And we're about to face the most brutal test of the gas crisis yet, as the final ship carrying oil from the Middle east arrived here in the Golden State. Look at that. It's named after you. It's a Hong Kong flagged crude oil tanker called New Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Alicia Krause]

And it's anchored off the California coast. This came from the LA Times via Getty Images. And it was the last tanker to pass through the Strait of Hormu since the Iran war kicked off. New Corolla and it has 2 million barrels of gasoline, diesel and jet fuel. But people are saying that they estimate. I don't know. I've seen some crazy chatter online and in slack groups and stuff that people think that we could get to 10, $10 a gallon here in the state.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, couple things. They misspelled my name spelled C O R number one. But they do in many periodicals and articles and things of that nature. Corolla, I believe, is a part of a flower or something.

[Alicia Krause]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

It's an Asian thing.

[Alicia Krause]

Well, it is from Hong Kong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that new flower or something is what they named it. Probably so. Oh, you know, it's funny when people have to pretend to care about how much gas is. First off, gas in Europe has always been super expensive compared to what we pay here. But obviously California, you know when you hear. It's so funny when you watch these news shows, they're like, it's up to $4.21 nationally. And I'm like, $4.21 is cheap here. Pre everything. You know what I mean? So that's California. It's also funny when people make a lot of money, pretend to really care because it is 100% a relative thing. Let's just, for the sake of argument, let's just say gas is 10 bucks a gallon. First off, most of the people I know that are doing well are driving a Tesla anyway. So it's a little bit academic. They're not driving big, big Dodge Duallys, but all right, it's the working class

[Alicia Krause]

that's going to be pinged.

[Adam Carolla]

You go, 10 bucks a gallon, fine. Okay. If you're like a working class person on a job site, whatever, you might be making 30 bucks an hour. So it's basically a third of an hour of your work. If you're Mark Garagos and you're a lawyer and you're charging 1000 bucks a billable hour, then you're going way down in the percentage standpoint. So you got 33% of an hour's work. And then if you're Mark Garagos, you don't even have, you know, well, 1,000. It's essentially, it takes 20 minutes to get one gallon. If you're getting 30 bucks. If you're making 30 an hour and gas is 10 bucks a gallon for Mark Geragos, it takes him 41 seconds. So it's not a burden for him. It's not a burden for him. At $50 a gallon, it's a burden for people that A, don't drive an electric car and then B, drive. Many of these people we're talking about drive a truck and it's a full size truck. And if they're gardeners or whatever, you see these gardeners, Beverly Hills, Encino, Malhu. They don't live anywhere near that area. It's not like, well, all the gardeners in Beverly Hills live over in Holmby Hills across the way. And, oh, no, they're not at Bel Air, Beverly Hills adjacent. They're in Sun Valley or Lancaster or

[Alicia Krause]

Lancaster, Pomona or like. So the data is 10 years old. Now, I'd want to research and look some more data up, but I think. I think the LA Times years ago had data that showed the average commuter in Los Angeles, no matter what their income level was, their commute is 31 miles. Really, the average commuter. So you're spending. And then when you spend that in traffic, you know, city miles versus highway miles. So I think that also when you have a third of the 40 million households or the 40 million people in the state, on average, a third of them may make under a hundred thousand dollars a year. Gas prices do affect their daily life. Oh, yeah, and it starts to affect the grocery store cost and what your nanny wants to charge you, kicks the

[Adam Carolla]

shit out of poor people. And the same people that never stop talking about caring about the poor people and the brown people and whatever are paralyzing them with this shit. And it's a California thing. I mean, yes, you can blame Trump, but that's 15 minutes old. This has been going on for 20 years.

[Alicia Krause]

Other than Hawaii, we have the most expensive fuel in the country and always have, whether there's.

[Adam Carolla]

Because of regulation.

[Alicia Krause]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, do we have one more?

[Alicia Krause]

We do. We have Kevin Kiley, of course. Congressman, that Gavin Newsom, you know, tried to get out of a district up there in Northern California, confirming that the $100 million that's missing from the Pacific Palisades Fire Relief Fund was funneled to NGOs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he was just on. Yeah, here we go.

[Unidentified Caller or Guest]

Mr. Speaker, I have asked Attorney General Pam Bondi to open an investigation into the fire Aid concert that took place in the aftermath of the devastating Los Angeles fires. What has happened, what we have learned is absolutely beyond belief. In the aftermath of these fires, which destroyed 18,000 homes and killed, tragically 30 people, there was a fire aid concert in which a number of high profile musicians generously agree, agreed to perform, and people responded in an amazing way. Tens of thousands of people donated, raising $100 million for what they were told was direct relief for the victims. But now we've learned that this money didn't go to the victims at all. Instead, it went to nonprofits, some of which have nothing to do with fire relief, where they promote things like Voting and civic engagement and multi generational power bill building. Some of them aren't even located in la. So I've asked the Attorney General to open an investigation in order to restore the intent of the donors, in order to make the victims whole and to bring accountability. I yield back.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so someone like Liz Warren is really worried about two companies merging. Companies that like, pay taxes, pay their employees, keep jobs, maintain jobs, and have. Have give billions back to the economy. But they're never worried about this.

[Alicia Krause]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

This part, this part of money they don't care about because it feeds their system. Right. But it is.

[Alicia Krause]

They're giving to nonprofits that are registering Democratic voters, and then they're giving to nonprofits that help unions. They're giving to nonprofits that spew woke DEI language. So it's her people that. That is benefiting, are benefiting from fraud.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But stop telling me you care about fraud, waste, abuse and money and the rich and all this kind of stuff when your constituency just does it on a criminal level. And no, they're not the size of JetBlue or Spirit. But JetBlue and Spirit are legitimate companies, not grifters.

[Alicia Krause]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus. And I'm now realizing there's no such thing is you cannot create any form of a cracked open door that these people can get through when it comes to money. If you just go, look, we will give some of the money to some NGOs, but those NGOs need to qualify and we need to understand and all need to vet. They're off and running. It's done.

[Alicia Krause]

They're off to the race.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no more. Sorry. Every penny goes to a victim. If you live there and you can show me your lot with scorched earth, we will give you some money. If you can't, you. There's no nothing. There's no anything.

[Alicia Krause]

And what's fascinating is I have friends in the Palisades and in Altadena that lost homes and God bless the private sector after the fires. That was like, hey, come to this store and we'll give you clothes. Come to this store and we'll give your kids school supplies. Right. But even those private sector places were like, like, can we see your ID that shows on the fire map, like, whether or not you actually were misplaced or lost your home? Why doesn't the government misplaced. Sorry. Like, why doesn't the government do the exact same thing? Why is there no follow up?

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be like, cause Those guys aren't NGOs or grifters who Want money. And in a blue state where they found more free money that they can give their friends to help them with unions and reelections and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's a super.

[Alicia Krause]

It's a grift.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a super simple thing. I just go, look, first off, I live in Malibu and everything around me burnt down. And I did have a certain amount of money and discomfort and whatever involved with it, but I don't need any of the money from the concert. That would be, I would say a whose home was burnt to the ground, not who's made it and has to deal with traffic or suit it, but who burned to the ground. All right, that's one group. Next one, who's underinsured, who burned to the ground. Because if you're fully insured, I'll throw you out. Fourth. Who lives on PCH and makes over $25 million a year anyway, and this your fourth house, I'm going to throw you out. And then I'd be left with a handful of houses in Altadena. Like, in my world, I might even toss out everyone in Malibu and half the people in the Palisade just because their income level and so on and so forth. And then I would go find generational home owners in the Altadena area that worked as substitute school teachers and janitors or whatever, and I'd go, Now I have $100 million and there are 141 families. And that's how we're gonna whack it up. Done.

[Alicia Krause]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by the way, I don't know if you've got got. I'll give a little more to the ones who have kids under 18 than I would these gay couple. Perhaps. I might even.

[Alicia Krause]

Sounds like you should get a little more granular.

[Adam Carolla]

And then that's how we're gonna distribute the money. Instead it all goes to NGOs, and their whole thing is funding the future with these bullshit names they do all the time. And they're just signing up more Democrats to vote against people who would have ideas like I just shared with you,

[Alicia Krause]

it's like they pay each other. It just is this circle of, well, we'll have this event and then we pay this person to do this thing. And it's really obscure, and we're gonna write a grant to make it look like they're helping the children, but they're not doing shit for the children.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, it's crazy that, like, Paul Pelosi got two PPE loans that total like $1.7 billion. You know, it's kind of gross.

[Alicia Krause]

But wasn't that one of the things with like AOC's husband's winery too? Like, they took out loans to like small business loans.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole point is, does a guy whose net worth of $300 million, who's in his 80s, does he really need the 1.7? You know that clip of Pelosi? Remember when 60 Minutes used to do news and there was like a clip of One of the 60 Minutes reporters in the audience going, how about insider training? And her answer is great. She's so power drummed. You can always tell people who are really used to being rich and super

[Alicia Krause]

powerful because they get away with it.

[Adam Carolla]

They just do whatever. No, it's not because they get away with it. It's the answers they give. Like when people, because they're so used

[Alicia Krause]

to getting away with it that they are unused to being asked tough questions.

[Adam Carolla]

It's literally like being the big man on campus. Every coach, coach, every teacher's going to give you an A, even if you never attend class or something. And then someone goes, hey, Bart quarterback, what about studying? And you just go, I don't like studying. And then you laugh and you leave. You know what I mean? Because you know you're going to get A's on everything. Nancy Pelosi, when people confront her, she just goes, I don't know. And no, that never happened. And that's the that. All right, I guess we have to shut up now. It's her being asked 60 minutes from 20 years ago in the audience. And she just kind of goes, that's that. Enough of that. I'm not talking about insider trading. This insider trading from 2006 or something. Congresswoman Pelosi also declined our request for an interview, but agreed to call on us if we attended a newspaper conference. Madam Leader, I wanted to ask you why you and your husband back in March of 2008, accepted and participated in a very large IPO deal from Visa at a time there was major legislation affecting their credit card companies making its way through the, through the House. And did you consider that to be a conflict of interest? I don't know what your point is of your question. Is there some point that you want to make with that insider? I guess what I'm asking is, do you think it's all right for a Speaker to accept a very preferential favorable stock deal? Well, we did. And you participated in the ipo?

[Alicia Krause]

Well, I have many.

[Adam Carolla]

And at the time you were speaker of the House. You don't think it was a conflict of interest or had the appearance of

[Ronan Hershberg]

a conflict of interest.

[Adam Carolla]

It only has appearance. If you decide that you're going to have elaborate on a false prophet premise,

[Alicia Krause]

but it's not true. And that's that.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't understand what part's not true.

[Alicia Krause]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

That I would act upon an investment. Yes. Congresswoman Pelosi pointed out that the credit card, you could just go. And that's that. That's that this thing I did didn't happen. And that'll be that. And no, no interview.

[Alicia Krause]

It's like when a kid gets caught with their hand in the cookie jar and they're like, no, I didn't, I didn't do that. What are you talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

This is kind of even worse.

[Alicia Krause]

It is because she isn't, as they pointed out, she, she was speaker of the house at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, that's that. All right. This Friday, Saturday, May 8th, 9th, Las Vegas, me at Kimmel's Comedy Club doing four shows there. Covina Laugh Factory on the 14th. But that is a special major, major, major.

[Alicia Krause]

Gonna be fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Guess that I can't say for reasons that I can't say. Visalia after that, Fox theater. And then on the 16th, Modesto State Theater. And then gonna be hanging out at The Fillmore with Governor DeSantis and Dave Rubin. Ben Shapiro.

[Alicia Krause]

That event looks amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's gonna be good. You can go to amcarl.com for all the live shows. What do you got, Alicia Craft?

[Alicia Krause]

Just check me out on the Socials and your TV here and there.

[Adam Carolla]

And Renanza Hirshberg, he's got Memory room, the movie and the stand up morbidly Jewish show. Till next time, Adam Carollis saying mahalo.

[Announcer or Producer]

You can leave us a voicemail at 8-886-34-1744 and you can get tickets to see Adam [e-mail].

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[Adam Carolla]

Huzzah.

[Dawson]

Pluto TV stream now, payo. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

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We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset free. This is the mantra free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the.

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