Richard Grieco + Warren Littlefield (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show: Richard Grieco + Warren Littlefield (Carolla Classics)

Podcast Date: November 1, 2025
Summary prepared by: [Expert Podcast Summarizer]

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Episode Overview

In this Carolla Classics episode, host Adam Carolla, with co-hosts Allison Rosen and Brian "Bald Bryan" Bishop, revisit two iconic interviews from 2012:

• A deep-dive with actor Richard Grieco, best known for 21 Jump Street, on his path from football to Hollywood and his take on show business.
• An illuminating conversation with Warren Littlefield, former NBC Entertainment President, who shares behind-the-scenes stories from the peak era of "Must See TV" (Seinfeld, Friends, Cheers, etc.), and the seismic changes in network television.
  As always, the team delivers their signature blend of sharp societal commentary, irreverent humor, and candid personal anecdotes.

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Segment 1: Richard Grieco Interview

Start: [49:22]
Length: ~40 minutes

Grieco’s Early Years and Transition to Acting

• Childhood and Athleticism (Upstate NY):

  • Grew up in Watertown, NY, played multiple sports: football (linebacker, fullback), hockey (Kingston Canadiens farm team), and lacrosse.
  • "When I went to college, I was about 210 [lbs]. And then I put on 20 pounds when I got there." – Richard Grieco [58:31]

• Football Hazing Story:

  • Recalls refusing a bizarre hazing ritual involving a goat, leading to isolation by teammates:
  • "They wanted us to do some things with a goat that I wouldn't do." – Richard Grieco [56:35]
  • Eventually left sports after repeated knee injuries and team friction.

• Modeling and Acting Breakthrough:

  • Won a campus contest ("Best Looking Guy"), scouted by a modeling agency, moved to NYC.
  • "I did that for four months. Didn't really like it. And then just got into theater, started studying theater." – Grieco [62:07]
  • First big TV break: Rags to Riches, followed quickly by Who's the Boss? and finally 21 Jump Street.

Hollywood and 21 Jump Street

• Landing the Role:

  • Originally slated for a single episode; chemistry and popularity extended his part.
  • "During that whole first season, that whole cast did not know what I was doing there. Like, why is this guy here right now?" – Grieco [66:05]

• Working with Johnny Depp:

  • Notes Depp’s transformation before international stardom.
  • "He seems a little affected now. Johnny Depp does. Like Europe got to him… a little Madonna thing going on." – Carolla [64:42]
  • Grieco confirms Depp was "un-European" back then and they partied together.

• Reflections on Jump Street Movie:

  • Thought the comedic spin in the Jonah Hill/Channing Tatum reboot was smart, though distinct from the original’s issue-driven tone.
  • "What they did was make it a flat out comedy… but, in the sense of what we did as far as tackling issues, it has nothing to do with Jump street per se." – Grieco [66:27]
  • Absent from the reboot, but hints at a potential cameo in a sequel.

Grieco’s Career After Acting

• Producing and Writing:
  • Executive producer and creator of "Gigolos."
  • "We're going into our third season this week or next week." – Grieco [88:02]
  • Some contractual challenges, but optimistic about resolution.

Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Jocks beat up fellow jocks. Every movie is about the jock beating up a nerd, but in reality, all my jock buddies were too busy beating each other up." – Adam Carolla [59:52]
• On facing reality in college: “You start, but you take a look in the mirror and you go, huh, they'll do some acting?” – Carolla [55:37]

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Segment 2: LA Rants, LAX, and Societal Decline

Start: [10:20]
Key Timestamps:

• LA/LAX diatribe – [10:20]
• Visual ugliness and decline of LA – [12:59, 17:28, 22:54]
• “Secondhand depression” via city blight – [23:41]

Carolla’s Signature Observations

• LAX:
  • Citing a survey naming LAX among America's worst airports, cohosts meld biting humor with honest frustration.
  • "LAX, this is… a metaphor for the entire attitude of the city. The people there are horrific. The security are ass wipes." – Brian Bishop [12:01]
• LA’s (Lack of) Beautification:
  • Compares LA’s superficiality to its infrastructure: “We're all about veneers and weaves and spray on tans… but behind that veneer, she's a cunt. How about the veneer at LAX?” – Brian Bishop [13:43]
  • Suggests the city needs a “gay washing”—seriously advocating for aesthetic improvements driven by civic pride.
• Societal Frustration:
  • "We do those fucking retarded commercials where…smoke trickle[s]... [but] we have secondhand depression. The firsthand depression is just, I fucking, you know, somebody died or I’m getting divorced…The second part is a low grade part where I have to drive from here to Irvine and it’s like fucking driving through Beirut." – Carolla [24:13]

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Segment 3: Cop Call-In and Policing Culture

Start: [25:38]
Officer Fox from Dallas on the line

• Police Work and Ticket Culture:
  • Cop distinguishes “real” (crime-fighting) vs. “chickenshit” (jaywalking tickets) work.
  • "Cops basically… criminally profile. We look for criminals, and we fucking catch them and we take the shit." – Officer Fox [31:08]
• Profiling Controversy:
  • Carolla pushes the political correctness of racial profiling, asking why "driving while black" doesn't include women.
• Shoes as “Dicey” Indicators:
  • A humorous deep-dive: “There’s white dicey, there’s black dicey. There’s every kind of dicey. I really think it’s that same wiring you have when you’re walking down the street…” – Carolla [32:42]
  • Extended bit on the suspiciousness of slippers and profiling by footwear.

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Segment 4: Warren Littlefield Interview

Start: [134:29]
Length: ~50 minutes

Inside the Rise and Fall of Must See TV

• Genesis of Top of the Rock (Littlefield’s Book):

  • Inspired by clearing out storage a decade after leaving NBC.
  • "We were pretty damn good. We had an amazing run. One network, one night for one decade. Thursday nights on NBC." – Warren Littlefield [141:32]

• Seismic TV Changes:

  • In its peak, NBC's Thursday night Must See TV drew ~75 million viewers—a third of the country.
  • Enormous ratings then vs. sub-2 ratings now:
    • “What you’re quoting is a 0.9 rating… We would have nights where we had 25 ratings.” – Littlefield [144:04, 144:07]

• Greenlighting Hits & Importance of Patience:

  • Cheers: The lowest-rated show its first year, stuck around due to no better options; became legendary.
  • Seinfeld:
    • “Probably the worst research in the history of television… for Jerry and Larry, no hugs.” – Littlefield [147:22]
    • Ordered only 4 episodes, made out of faith, and they “got out of the way” to let creators work.

• Classic TV Development Tales:

  • Executives obsessed over “warm and fuzzy” moments (e.g., dad/son hugs) instead of actual comedy.
    • "Is anyone ever going to say the word funny? Because we’re doing a sitcom. Calm is short for comedy." – Carolla [151:19]

Industry Commentary and NBC’s Downfall

• Why TV’s Glory Days Ended:

  • Too much competition, more platforms, "watch what you want, when you want."
  • “Nothing lasts forever. Peyton Manning reminded us… The world's changed.” – Littlefield [144:15]

• Network Failure to Nurture Innovation:

  • Seinfeld/Jump Street only succeeded due to unusually patient executives.

Must-See TV Icons & Notable Moments

• No Hugs Rule:
  • Seinfeld’s philosophy, in contrast to Friends’ emotional engagement.
  • "Friends was about love and really funny… Seinfeld, no hugs." – Littlefield [171:11]
• Bob Balaban as Warren Littlefield:
  • Loved being played by Balaban in the “Late Shift” and audiobook.
  • “He was a little bit wimpy. I stood up and fired Helen Kushnick!” – Littlefield [158:09]
• TV Show Anecdotes:
  • Carolla asks about the “truck nuts” law in South Carolina, spawning more riffs on absurd American obsessions [178:32].
  • Jokes about having a fake orgasm being the ultimate compliment, and more.

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Segment 5: “News with Allison Rosen”

Various snippets throughout

• Cultural tidbits and news, including absurd lawsuits (BMW seat causing a 2-year erection [74:44]), Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy and “baby bump” vernacular [70:54–73:54], and society’s strange attitudes toward breastfeeding in public [117:28–124:55]:
  • “I just feel like some things are personal and I don’t want to see them… There are ways of doing lots of little intimate things in life without other people being privy to it.” – Carolla [120:53]

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Parenting and Children’s Sense of Fame:

  • “I said to her, ‘you know, Natalia, when you get married, you might have to change your name.’ She said, ‘I’ll change my first name.’” – Adam Carolla [07:14]

• On LA Infrastructure and Metaphor:

  • “We are some sort of quarterback that won the Heisman, got drafted first, and was just a complete fucking bust.” – Brian Bishop [12:01]

• On Classic TV Development:

  • “Our genius… was, we got out of the way.” – Warren Littlefield [154:31]

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Key Themes & Takeaways

• Raw, Candid, and Hilarious:
  The episode’s through-lines—witty cultural critique, affection for blue-collar roots, and wicked honesty—shine in both the LA rants and TV industry tales.

• Showbiz & Success Require Patience
  Network TV’s golden age didn’t happen overnight; the biggest hits were initially ignored or doubted by research and execs.

• LA Rant as Cultural Barometer:
  Carolla’s diatribe on LA’s decline mirrors broader frustrations with American civic malaise.

• Absurdity of Modern Life:
  Whether it’s “truck nuts” laws, bumper stickers aimed at cops, or breastfeeding magazine covers, the episode repeatedly underscores the comedic potential of everyday life and bureaucracy.

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Useful for New Listeners

• Rich blend of personal, cultural, and industry insight:
  Whether you're interested in Hollywood’s history, the state of American cities, or simply want to laugh at sharp, cross-generational banter, this episode delivers.

• Memorable recurring bits:
  The “Kevin Bacon on the other line” improv, extended goat hazing riff, and jock-vs-nerd debate are particularly classic Carolla podcast moments.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Start Time | Notable Topics | |---------|------------|----------------| | Grieco Interview | [49:22] | Transition from football to acting, Jump Street stories, Hollywood | | LA/LAX Rant | [10:20] | LA’s decline, airport metaphors, beautification | | Cop Call-in | [25:38] | Policing philosophy, profiling, “dicey” footwear | | Warren Littlefield | [134:29] | Must See TV, NBC’s rise/fall, network exec stories | | News/Absurdities | Various | Pregnancy, baby bump, BMW erection lawsuit, truck nuts |

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Cruella Classics. I'm your host, super fan Giovanni.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the podcast with the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Moments, highlights and fans selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Cruella Classics available exclusively through podcast1dotplus.

[Brian Bishop]

Sign up and get the ad free.

[Adam Carolla]

Archives of this show. And if you'd like the ad free.

[Brian Bishop]

Archives of the Adam Carolla show, the.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam and Dr. Drew show, or exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla substack adamcorl.substack.com and you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcoroll.com all right, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carla show a 14. Richard Grieco, Alison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2012.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day, Bald Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

The had emptied my mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

Quiet down now. Richard Grieco coming in. Excited about that. Never met the man.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe I have. Don't remember if I have. You know what?

[Allison Rosen]

If you have, you wouldn't remember.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going to just say, how are you? Instead of nice to meet you, because I've been burned too many times with my good to meet you. And then they go, we met. I did Loveline TV and the radio show. Oh, and I did the radio show twice, actually. So I'm not going to fuck myself up.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you.

[Brian Bishop]

Good to see you. That's my new thing. All right, there's a story. Oh, I got a bunch of stuff to complain about. One is my daughter, who's into me. I'm having a renaissance at home. My son now doesn't give a shit. They've somehow worked out some sort of thing where it's like from zero to five, I'll resent and hate father and then I'll pick it up for a few years and at some point it'll turn again. But my daughter decided she's now a fan of mine and she's been getting a lot of ace man lately because there's been a lot of events and things like that that she's been to. She went to the Long Beach Grand Prix. She's just wasting my time. They had the Long Beach Grand Prix on TV the other day. They ran it on Speed Channel on Saturday and my wife turned it on. Actually, I turned it on and forced everyone to watch.

[Adam Carolla]

Question, Was it broadcast live or was this the first airing?

[Brian Bishop]

This is the first airing and we'll let you hear a Little the audio of it. And I'll tell you what my daughter said a few moments after. I don't know if we can play the audio or not, but it was a lot of like, oh, Carolla's made a move and Carolla's about. Of the front of the pack. And it was a fun race. It was fun to watch. Well, I guess we don't have it.

[Allison Rosen]

Daddy, stop talking.

[Brian Bishop]

We do have it. Yeah, we just need the sound part. Oh, that's the beginning of the race. We don't need this part. You can fast forward if you want. Daddy, stop talking so you can play it there. Cost you for sure. A position, hopefully not a penalty like the wall they're inside of. Eddie lined up right now. Trying to stay close, but he's got that parachute. Yeah, that's not gonna help. A little bit of damage that he had from Brody Jenner. Got two long straightaways here where that parachute will be holding him back somewhat. This is the field coming at you. Yeah. If you go actually fast Forward about. About 10 minutes. There's a certain point where I'm in the lead and I get tapped right there. You're gonna leave it now. Go back. Sorry. Go back a little bit. Yeah, go back a little bit. Go back, back, back, back. Yeah, that's good. Let it go there. Had a good run. Good run up the inside. Should be able to take this and turn nine in the break zone. Acquiring second place. Yep, he's going to get it. Oh, and coach tried to squeeze him a little bit down the straightaway. And Harper having none of it. Corolla, Owen Coates. So that's me in first. And now I think Hill Harper is in second place at this point. And one of the.

[Richard Grieco]

One of the.

[Brian Bishop]

One of the pro racers ran into a tire barrier. But at some point, you'll see hill Harper from CSI's Up My Ass for like the last two laps. And the announcers were doing the Corolla this and the Corolla that'll lead into my Natalia story. And this is where. Yeah, little accident there. That was the hairpin with Kim Coates and forgot he was from Waterworld, by the way. All right, so turn it up here. Harper looking to the inside of Corolla on the downhill run into turn eight. Not gonna go on the outside. Hits him, loosens him up. Ryan, I would have done that to you. Guy hit me in the ass. It's been a while. Going to take my time now. Here's me blocking Hill Harper. I think all bets are off. Look at this, Adam Carolyn protecting the inside line. He's got some racing experience. No doubt by that Hill Harper working the outside. These guys are putting on a really show like I mean they know what they're doing. The deal in racing is you can make one blocking move but you can't really make two blocking moves. And I'm looking at him in my rearview mirror and I know, I know he wants to go to the inside. So I'm going to hang out in the middle of the track and slide over. If he slides over, I don't know what you're talking about. This is the, this is basically the last, last lap and you can see that Hill Harper's about a foot and a half behind me, passing flag. They're just letting you know that somebody is right there. Well, guess what, Adam Carolla knows that Hill Harper is right there. Down to turn one. And again Adam Carolla protecting the inside line but Harper's trying to move him. Oh, look at that. This is gonna be tight. Crowds and crowds. Oh, and that's gonna be a problem at the exit. Basically. You'll see in a second. He' basically a foot and a half behind me and there's a half lap to go. So I'm like, Jesus Christ, I'm not going to lose at the very end. Harper's working both sides of the back of that car. Outside, inside, he doesn't care. Adam Corolla known for being funny. Oh, here it comes. Not funny. Tires are screaming. These guys really, really working the car hard. When you hear those tires squealing, edge down into turn six, seven, just a little bend and then down into the tight right hander onto the back straightaway which is turn eight. Corolla now separated a little bit, got a good run off. Got about 25 seconds left here. Two to three car lengths back. So me and my daughter are sitting around watching this and she's heard Corolla's the name. Corolla shouted out about 20 times. And my son doesn't give a. His back's turned to the tv. He's playing with a transformer. Just a waste of my time. Just a wasting his time, but a great line. He doesn't drive the car in front of him, he drives his own line, tries to get a run. Look a little further back. Rutledge Wood involved in there. As you see Frederick Osbo trying to get to the front. There is the damaged car, bro. Degenerate Kim comes still stuck there in the hairpin. Still there. Hill forgot that that car was there. I think he tried to go an inside line around there, forgetting that the.

[Adam Carolla]

Car was there a reason why some people have different colored cars.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone has a different color car. Pretty. We just got drive, you can't get to it. And because of that, Adam Corolla will take the victory. It's Corolla, followed by Hill Harper. What a great battle those two had. And for Frederick Osbo, just not enough time. The first of your pros will finish behind two celebrities. And for Hill Harper, Adam Carolla. They put on a show here that's off. Hats off to those guys. They put on a good show that wasn't messing around, that was hardcore racing, right? So anyway, my son doesn't give a fuck, but my daughter hears the name a few times. And so I said to her, you know, Natalia, when you get married, you may not. You're probably going to have to change your name. Like, you don't get to be a Corolla anymore. Sonny, I'm staring at the crack of his ass right now. He doesn't care. But my daughter, I'm saying, you get married, you might have to give up Corolla. You have to change your name. And she said, I'll change my first name. That's awesome. It is. Because it's great to see things through prism of a child, which is like, you're gonna get married, you're gonna have to change your name. And she's like, well, I didn't hear Natalia spat out too many times during that last 10 minutes, but I did hear Carolla quite a few times. So I'm gonna hang on to Corolla.

[Allison Rosen]

She's hanging on to the important part.

[Brian Bishop]

Of the name, and she already knows the part where I named her Natalia. So she's kind of like, well, screw that.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, she's sticking it to you anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she's like, look, first name's dime a dozen Corolla's, you know, it's got a little juice right now. It does, yeah. I'm sure. You know, 19 years from now when she's trying to club with a fake ID and she's basically explaining, my dad won the Grand Prix 2 million years ago, she'll be just fine. So anyway, I thought it was funny that she wanted to get away from her first name and keep the last name. All right, we got a cop on the line.

[Allison Rosen]

But he hates the asshole cops you talk about.

[Brian Bishop]

Interesting. We'll talk to him in a second. You have a piece of paper that I brought in or that I told these guys to print out? That somebody tweeted me about lax, I do believe. Let me give a little love to the moms out there. Mother's Day. Let's not forget the wife, grandmother, sister, mother in law, friends you don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

Who might be pregnant.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. A dozen rainbow roses, plus the free glass vase, only $19.99. Red, white, orange, yellow, all pink, whatever you need. Upgrade, by the way, to the pink potted rose plant for just 10 bucks more. Order now and have them delivered for Mother's Day. Offer expires midnight this Friday. Midnight this Friday. 1-800-Proflowers 1-800-Proflowers or visit proflowers.com click on the microphone and enter Ace Profile Proflowers. Good people, good sponsors, and good deals. All right, we got the cop, we got lax. Let's talk LAX for a second.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay? You're talking about the America's Worst Airport Survey. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Somebody tweeted me that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Travel and Leisure did their first ever airport survey and asked readers to rate America's 22 major airports in seven categories. And guess what came in at number one? Worst overall airport.

[Brian Bishop]

I figured it'd be LAX. I honestly did.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, actually, it's LaGuardia. But number two, LAX.

[Brian Bishop]

Number two.

[Allison Rosen]

I find LAX to be worse than LaGuardia. Actually, I was surprised by the LaGuardia thing because the Newport airports, I don't mind. I think.

[Brian Bishop]

I think they factored the city in. Like, I think they fact, like they started thinking about Malibu just a little bit. You know what I mean? Like, they started thinking about maybe the Lakers or the Staples center or something. I feel like the city got woven in a little bit there. Or maybe it's the new big plastics spheres that are sticking up into the sky.

[Adam Carolla]

In a picture, it looks good. I will say that they actually made a aesthetic improvement.

[Brian Bishop]

La la. But what an airport is just a kind of a. It's a metaphor for the entire attitude of the city. Like, if you think about it, it's basically. Hickory Farms would take some summer sausage and they'd put it in little pieces and they put toothpicks in it. And they'd put the chick out front with the tray and you'd be walking through the mall and you take the toothpick and you taste some of that summer sausage. You didn't have to eat the entire sausage. You were like, I got it, I got a little sample. This represents the product that you sell. Maybe you like it, maybe you don't, but this is a nice representation of what you're selling. Here in this establishment, that's just like.

[Allison Rosen]

The whole aesthetic with your gingham shirt.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Now, lax, this is the again, like just sort of a metaphor for the rest of the city. Bad architecture, always under construction. Everything is fucking slow. Everything is backed up. But it's mainly the attitude. The people there are horrific. The security are ass wipes. The attitude is horrific. There's nothing else like it. When you travel around the rest of the country and the rest of the world, you don't get nearly the horrific attitude that you get at lax. And why should we be? Why should la? I mean, why aren't we better? I really feel like we are. We are some sort of quarterback that won the Heisman, got drafted first, and was just a complete fucking bust. Like, we have so much going for us. There's so many tools we have, we have so much ability, and yet we don't live up to half of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Are we Tim Couch or David Carr?

[Brian Bishop]

I say he's a little more Jamarcus Russell.

[Warren Littlefield]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

But either way, sports.

[Allison Rosen]

And in a place that values appearance so much and is arguably shallow, people have a lot of faked hands and fake breasts out here. Shouldn't the airport look really good and be really friendly and just actually be a piece of shit, not act like a piece of shit?

[Brian Bishop]

That's a good point.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

We're all about veneers and weaves and spray on tans and everyone goes, well, you know, first off, I'd like to see her high school yearbook picture because there's a nose job and there's a tummy tuck and there's a boob job and she's got her teeth capped and she's not really blonde and blah, blah, blah. And she puts on this fake ass attitude where she's so saccharine.

[Allison Rosen]

Sweet.

[Brian Bishop]

But you know, behind that veneer, she's a cunt. You know, it's like, all right, but how about the veneer at lax? Because I'm not dating any of the bitches that are going through my Nike bag.

[Allison Rosen]

LAX needs to lose about 30 pounds and get braces, Right?

[Brian Bishop]

And the clear kind that we're not supposed to be able to see, right?

[Allison Rosen]

But you can see very clearly.

[Adam Carolla]

LAX needs Invisalign.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they need Spanx. You know what else is clear? Me farting in an elevator. Chris, but you still know I did it, didn't ya?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but do you make. Do you do the one where it makes no sound on occasion? Cause LAX is a big, loud flatulence of the gods fart.

[Brian Bishop]

Louisiana is an ugly city. And somebody, I think, LA magazine interviewed me about a year ago and they're like, they got 50, 50 celebrities, it was horrible.

[Allison Rosen]

All talking about what's so wonderful about.

[Brian Bishop]

La, what they love about la. And I said, look, the only thing that's wonderful about LA is where it is. The fact that you could essentially ride a 10 speed and get to Malibu, or you could ride a 10 speed and get up to some snow, up a mountain like we are. I mean, this stretch of coastline from San Diego. Yeah. To Portland, it's just absolutely unbelievable. And the fact that we happen to be living next to some of the nicest topography on the planet, but when you start talking about infrastructure, schools, rail systems, potholes, the mayor, everything else, taxes, business, climate, everything else is a piece of shit. So anything that we've touched, we've destroyed all the shit that was here. When the Padres settled this place many years ago, the missionaries or whoever the fuck threw whoever off the land, by the way. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you say fairly that there's enough physical beauty, man made physical beauty in LA for a small city, but it's spread out over a huge city because there's a few. There's a handful of nice things here. Right. I mean.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you want to read what I have there?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. The Valley was very hot, with no air conditioning in the house or in the car. And I played a lot of football. What I have are memories of sweating and not being able to cool off. But the Valley was good for sports. There was never any snow and not much rain. Out of all the years I played football, we never canceled a game because of the weather.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I said.

[Allison Rosen]

At one point. You said this. I don't think this is what you're referring to.

[Adam Carolla]

I think this is part of a longer rant.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Picked out the nice thing you said.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The weather didn't suck.

[Brian Bishop]

The weather didn't suck. All right, well, that's not what I was talking about, but either way.

[Allison Rosen]

But there. I thought there was something you talked about, about what else is around. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I said. Yeah, I said. I paraphrased it moments ago. I just didn't. Yeah, that wasn't what I said. I mean, that wasn't the part of it. I don't remember how much I said. But look, look, la, whether you want to say it's a smart student that's getting C minuses, or you want to say it's an athlete that's not living up to their potential or whatever it is, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the one where they credit you as Adam Carolla. Grouch.

[Brian Bishop]

Grouch.

[Allison Rosen]

Here we are. So I don't know what the other thing that they found was, but look.

[Adam Carolla]

At that illustration, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's weird looking, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It is, yeah. Everyone does this thing where they go. You can get to the ocean in 25 minutes, you can get to the mountains in an hour. Isn't that wonderful? I guess the answer is yes. But the, the school system is unusable, the traffic is horrible, businesses are fleeing. I don't give credit to Villarugosa or the city council for the mountains or the ocean. That has to do with plate tectonics. I give them credit for a graffiti problem that's so bad the street signs have to be covered with barbed wire. I give credit to God for doing a fair to middling job creating the place and to Villa Rigosa and the city council for fucking it up. Potholes and a holes. That's Los Angeles.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, am I right or am I right? I mean, this is the shittiest, ugliest, most fucked up looking city around. We give Detroit a run for their money. I mean, it's just covered with graffiti and it's covered with barbed wire. We have fucking commercials that say click. It's non stop fucking click it or ticket. Meanwhile, everything is tagged, Everything is tagged. And I want to say this, look, when you are, there is a, there's two kinds of, there's two kinds of crime. There's a sort of in your face, you're getting stabbed, mugged, rolled, what have you, crime. And then there's a low grade grade kind of cancer causing crime. It's a low grade, just sort of. I never stop hearing a backup beep from a garbage truck. I never stop hearing a leaf blower. I can't drive five feet without seeing graffiti.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm being raped slowly by quality of life.

[Brian Bishop]

Infringement.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a slow motion dry raping while you're sort of half sedated. That's what it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that bad or good?

[Brian Bishop]

I really like to look into that.

[Adam Carolla]

One way to find out.

[Brian Bishop]

There really only is one way to get to the bottom of this. The fact that you can't drive 10ft without graffiti or dead weeds or just visually the freeway street signs doesn't work. It's just shit hanging off something. It's fucking ugly. I mean it's border, it's borders on Mexico and some parts of the Valley are just full blown Mexico. It's just fucking dirt lawns and sofas. Out on the fucking dirt lawn and a dog walking in circles. Fucking fence made out of cinder blocks, shopping carts and fucking parts of a sign from some fast food joint that doesn't exist anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

Shoes hanging off the over those wires. I don't know what that even means for drugs.

[Brian Bishop]

I. I fucking want somebody to spruce this fucking place up. Like I want an aesthetic attempt.

[Allison Rosen]

Gay washing. That's what we called it yesterday, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I want a nice gay washing of la. Like I want the fucking mayor to get on this shit. I don't give a fuck about Click it or Ticket. Everyone knows about Clicket or Ticket. And I don't want to hear about David Schwimmer talking to me about talking to my kids. How about the fact that this place is an ugly fucking dump? It's just covered. It's just covered in fucking like motor oil and graffiti and dead. We have this weird thing where there's like these six foot high stalks of dead weeds that are just everywhere and it doesn't fall under anyone's jurisdiction. Like I don't know whose patch that is and who's supposed to take you drive along Cahuenga. What's all the trash? What's all the dead? Shit.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a question. We live sort of on the east side of lake. If we all lived more towards the west where it was like, you know, like where Brian is.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Would we have a different opinion? Because I am definitely firmly in your camp now that I live in a hovel.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

A nice place that's located in a hovel of a neighborhood.

[Brian Bishop]

You need gay folks who give a shit. We don't have that on this side.

[Allison Rosen]

So we would like LA if we lived in Brentwood, Malibu.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, because you'd have a plug in electric vehicle that only had a range of 8 miles and you could never scape the golf course you were growing up on. Yeah. If you had to go into the Valley. Oh, believe me, when those gays have to go into the Valley, it's like, oh boy, it's like Fred Sanford having a heart attack. You tell one of those gays you got to go into Reseda and buy some unfinished furniture. And they're like, oh, please no, dear God, no. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Can't you take a puddle jumper?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. They really rent a helicopter or dirigible or something.

[Adam Carolla]

So it should be a beautification project. That would be like an obvious thing to do, right? Like put like a bunch of out of people.

[Allison Rosen]

Put plastic surgeons behind it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, why not? Well, they have work, but you know what I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you have to. There's a cultural thing. I won't get too specific, but there's a lot of cultures in LA that think, like, white is a good color for wrought iron and somebody needs to work it out with those folks first. Yes, hello, my name is Graham Wellington. Right. The gays, not part of that problem. They keep a nicely manicured lawn. So I'm just saying the mayor should get into it, but he doesn't want to get into it because that's his constituency and he doesn't want to fuck with his constituency. So he'd rather just point at rich people, decide that they're part of the problem.

[Allison Rosen]

And white wrought iron just gets dirty fast.

[Brian Bishop]

There's an aesthetic. You think white wrought iron's a good idea?

[Adam Carolla]

No, she's saying it gets dirty fast.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm asking. Well, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that the problem?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm asking a dumb question.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. It looks like shit.

[Allison Rosen]

It's dawning on me it looks like shit.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so LAX looks like shit. And more importantly, it acts like shit. And LA looks like shit and acts like shit. And it has a couple of pockets.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

If you want to go to Brentwood or you want to go to Boys Town, you want to go to Malibu, you're going to see some nice stuff. But that is the exception and not the rule. The rule is a lot of trash and a lot of. Like, when we drive, we go do shows in Irvine. We drive from here to Irvine. Irvine's a nice city. And by the way, we're doing a live show there Thursday night. Irvine Improv. Still tickets available.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim Jeffries.

[Brian Bishop]

Jim Jeffries, great comedian and super funny comedian. So still tickets for that and they sell out, so get on it. But we're going to go from here to Irvine, and from here to Irvine is just basically a wasteland of just shit. I mean, just fucking graffiti on top of graffiti, with more graffiti and more just burnt out shit. Some of the ugliest stretches of highway is between here and Irvine. Now Irvine's nice. And wherever we're leaving, my house is nice. But between here and there is all of la. And it's fucking horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, it's.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck, it's ugly as shit. The freeway itself is uglier than shit.

[Allison Rosen]

And what's the commute to do? When I lived down in Orange county, and that's part of the reason I was miserable all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's depressing. It's fucking depressing. And what they don't Understand is we do this thing all the time. We're so fucking worried about secondhand smoke. What about the secondhand depression? I'm serious. Like, we do those fucking retarded commercials where, oh, there's a guy and he's smoking in a downstairs apartment and then they show the smoke trickle up and it's going through the floorboards and then the smoke goes out the window and then it goes through a chimney and then a guy sucks it in and farts it out and then it goes around the block and then eventually, I hope you're sitting down.

[Allison Rosen]

Crazy kind of French inhaling.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a kid in a crib. Oh, and he's got to get the back. That's all we do. But meanwhile, well, we have secondhand depression. The firsthand depression. That's my mom, she has firsthand depression. The firsthand depression is just, I fucking, you know, somebody died or I'm getting divorced or I lost my job or I'm an alcoholic or I was horribly abused. The second part is a low grade part where I have to drive from here to Irvine and it's like fucking driving through Beirut. Like, it's just. What is all this graffiti? What are all these fucking dead plants? What is. Why is it.

[Warren Littlefield]

Look.

[Brian Bishop]

Why is there fucking. Why do we have barbed wire around everything? There's barbed wire hanging off of everything. Everything looks like shit. Everything's tagged, everything's fucked up. You don't think that fucks with you? You don't think, why do you want a view in life? Why don't we just brick up your fucking kitchen window?

[Allison Rosen]

Of course, when you wake up, humans like pretty things.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. You wake up in the morning and you stare at a beautiful vista of the Pacific Ocean and you feel good. You wake up in the morning and you stare at the brick side of a building that's next to yours that's covered with gang graffiti, and you feel depressed. Well, this is one big, long gauntlet of depression. This is just, hey, come to la, hop on a freeway and get depressed.

[Allison Rosen]

Want to know something weird? Of the. So the best airports in the country, Minneapolis is number one, not weird. Charlotte is number two. Not weird. Detroit is number three.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they just try harder. All right, I want to talk to the cop who's on line one. Hey, Fox, how you doing? Good. Hey, Fox, your cop?

[Officer Fox]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you do the extra cop talk when you pull people over and you don't want them to talk to you?

[Officer Fox]

Almost exclusively?

[Brian Bishop]

Do they train extra cop talk at the Academy?

[Officer Fox]

No, I agree with you. 100%. That's. That's how some people talk. And they fill up a lot of space when they don't know what to say.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you say? Did you say for me? And right now, at the end of.

[Officer Fox]

Each sentence, no, definitely. I talk to people like normal people.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I like that.

[Officer Fox]

You get a lot more done that way. I definitely keep in mind, you know, all the stuff that you talked about and. Yeah, I mean, you know, we don't want the chicken shit stuff. We want the bigger stuff and true cops, cops that are out there doing the real work and getting the real bad guys off the street, you know, they'll support your message. They'll stand behind what you say.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's what I. That's what my always take was, no one got to be a cop so they could move to Glendale and write tickets for jaywalking. What the fuck kind of copying is that?

[Adam Carolla]

Fox is in Dallas. Is it rough and tumble out there?

[Allison Rosen]

Fox?

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, it's pretty rough, man. We get a lot of. I mean, I've never lived in la, but down here, man, it's a lot of dope and robberies and stuff like that. There is. I don't know how to put this nicely. You know, there is a problem with, like, a lot of illegals and stuff like that, and we really have to manage that.

[Brian Bishop]

I was impressed and depressed when I was in Houston because I saw a bumper sticker on a cop car that said, we use decoy cars. And I thought to myself, you know, la, the bumper stickers are don't beat the elderly. Another one that said, if you want to throw your kid in a dumpster, drop them off at a fire station, then there's no excuse for domestic violence.

[Adam Carolla]

No human trafficking.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no human trafficking. Right. So there's la. Basically, the message is, do not beat the elderly. Do not throw your kid away. Do not beat the shit out of your old lady. And if you got a couple Koreans in a container ship about now, don't try to sell them on the black market. Those are the kind of problems we tackle in la. But you guys must have a problem with car thievery. And by the way, maybe that hasn't cracked our top 20 of horrible things that go on in LA. But they use decoy cars, meaning if you pull up to a car and the keys are in it and the windows down, could be some cops around the next corner and the car could be wired up.

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, yeah, that's exactly. That's exactly what that is. Using a lot In east coast too. I'm actually from New York City, where I was an auxiliary cop for like about three years. So we use it there too. I'll tell you, the big problem here is DWI's and uninsured people. It's so bad.

[Brian Bishop]

And when you say people, you mean shoes. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't we just put up those bumper stickers in LA and not even run the program? Probably drop crime by 5 to 10%.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

The knowledge that there might be decoy cars out there.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we could do the decoy car thing and. Or like I said, this human trafficking thing is going gangbusters over here. I mean, I myself have cut back on my human trafficking 25% since I came out with the campaign, but I know it. Yeah, you know it now. Bait cars. I like the folks that like to argue that that's entrapment. Like, come on, how's a guy supposed to pass a car with the keys in it without stealing it? Come on, that's bullshit. I like when the ACLU gets uppity with that shit. Yeah, like, oh, come on, there's fucking keys in the car. What was the 17 year old kid supposed to do? Not go for a fucking joyride?

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, don't get me started on the fucking aclu.

[Brian Bishop]

I also, like, I was watching a show where they actually, where I was watching a show where they put a bunch of cameras, they hid a bunch of cameras inside the car to catch the thieves that were stealing the bait cars. But they also had to post placards that said, you're on camera. We're so fucking retarded and litigious that we had to put cameras, we had to put placards warning the people that got. Because they couldn't get them to sign a release.

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, yeah, it's like you said, lawyers have fucked us.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, lawyers in the aclu. So anyway, you're a real cop, you kick indoors and yell, no time for backup.

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, there's never any time for backup. No, I mean, you know, I look for dope, man. I look for helping out people, you know, being there at the right time, right place, creeping up when someone's getting attacked, that kind of stuff. You know, robberies and stuff like that. I know, I know. You know, there's, there's a boring side of it too, but you can also make that productive, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Officer Fox]

Stop someone for a no fun license plate, but if they don't have a bunch of dope on them and they don't have seven warrants out, then you Let them go.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's the whole thing. I mean, stop me if I'm wrong, but cops basically look around. They look. You know, everyone does this thing where it's like, oh, you can't profile. You can't. They look. You guys look for dicey people, right? Yeah.

[Officer Fox]

The way we say it is we don't, like, racially profile. We criminally profile.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Officer Fox]

And we look for criminals, and we fucking catch them and we take the shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's the whole thing. And I say this all the time. Everyone just goes, well, all right, but you're racially profiling. You're pulling over young black men. Well, what about black women? Because that is. First off, they're black. If you don't like black people, then there's a black woman for you. And number two, she's a woman. Strike number two. If you're just a white douchebag, you go, you're misogynist and you're racist. You don't like women and you don't like black people. How come black women aren't getting pulled over left and right? How come I never hear anything about driving while black as a female, three times, fool. It's always young black males, and they are, unfortunately, behind a larger share of crime than their population would suggest. And thus they get pulled over more. Because you guys are playing the odds.

[Officer Fox]

Absolutely. And I'll throw you a curveball.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm Chinese, so don't get me started on them.

[Allison Rosen]

I did not see that coming.

[Brian Bishop]

I did not see that one coming either. But, I mean, look, we all. We all do it. We go. Look, you can go, oh, you're pulling black people over nonstop. Except for. What about black chicks? Well, they don't create that much crime. I'm assuming.

[Officer Fox]

The people that go to jail are the ones that commit the crimes. And, you know, it doesn't matter what race or color you are, man. Any good cop knows absolutely nothing to do with it.

[Brian Bishop]

There's plenty of. I've seen. I don't. Thank you, Officer Fox. I've seen this here. I think. And I really do think cops look for dicey. I really do. And there's white dicey. There's black dicey. There's every kind of. There's every kind of dicey. I really think it's that same wiring you have when you're walking down the street and you see a guy walking at you, and you go, what size is he? How old is he? How does he dress? What's he looking like? Does he have any tattoos? Does he have a scowl on his face?

[Allison Rosen]

Does he have this common dicey denominator?

[Brian Bishop]

Meaning what?

[Allison Rosen]

Like something that regardless of color, if the person has this specific thing, then that's gonna set your. There's.

[Brian Bishop]

There's like these kind of. These tells where. Like, if the dudes wearing boots, like, you know, and maybe boots are the equivalent of the hoodie or something on the black dude. Like, there's a white dude dicey and a black dude dicey. But when the guy's got the. When the guy's got the chain on the wallet and he's got those linemen, those lineman boots with the big heel on it, and I got that steel toe and shank. Just that kind of. That, you know, if he's wearing. If he's wearing. Tree torns, dating myself. If he's wearing. I swear to God, half of it is the guy's kicks. Like, half is. You just look down and you go, what the fuck kind of shoes this guy's wearing?

[Allison Rosen]

He's wearing five fingers.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You're probably gonna be okay.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Honestly, when is the last time a guy in Birkenstocks gave you a fucking. Gave. Gave you a hard time on the street?

[Adam Carolla]

Bruno Molly's.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Other than you not picking up your dog shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I'm just.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's oj. The point is this.

[Adam Carolla]

Aside from him.

[Brian Bishop]

Aside from the juice. Yeah. It's. What juice? The juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Thanks to the juice.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, definitely not the juice.

[Brian Bishop]

It's seriously, like, what is the dude wearing? There's the. There's the sort of. There's a Mexican gang banger sort of shoe. The weird slipper shoe. Ironically, the scariest thing a guy can wear is slippers. When you see a dude in slippers, the slipper shoe is the scariest thing you can see on a dude who's walking toward you. You'd think it would be the least scary, right?

[Allison Rosen]

You think it would say someone's gonna do some hardcore lounging.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Cause like, okay, like, if the guy was wearing a bathrobe, that wouldn't be an issue, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Unless he was outside your window and his arm was bouncing up and down.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm just saying the slipper. I would say the corduroy slipper shoe is the scariest thing. I'd say the shoes. You pretty much just profile a guy's shoes.

[Allison Rosen]

You really can.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all you need. Thank you. All right, good stuff. Greco's here. I'm excited about this San Diego Spreckles Theater, by the way, this Saturday. Me And Dennis Prager. Loving that. And by the way, those of you been getting the last one and want to sample the last one, it's on itunes. We have it on our site. It's two and a half hours of me and Dennis Prager. A lot of wisdom. And I like the guy because of that. We have nothing in common. He's so orthodox in his Judaism that when we're trying to set up these dates, we can't do like Saturday and he can't travel on a Friday. No.

[Allison Rosen]

Bacon Festival.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, we were trying to do the Crystal Knock Bacon Festival.

[Allison Rosen]

That would have been a great lineup.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Prager put up a fight.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, fucking Prager wouldn't be there. So it was. There's a lot of rules a guy about traveling and shit like that, but he's so orthodox. But great guy, ton of wisdom, and just one of the smartest dudes you ever want to meet. And we. We have lively conversations. So. And speaking of Jews, Legal Zoom. LegalZoom.com everybody. Five reasons to start your business with LegalZoom. 1. Lawyers. Expensive. $2.95 an hour. Jeez Louise. Many of the fastest growing companies in America were started through LegalZoom. Did you know that?

[Adam Carolla]

It's news to me.

[Brian Bishop]

You do now? You just got served with some knowledge, thanks to my friends at LegalZoom.

[Allison Rosen]

Drop some science on you.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Peace of mind. By the way, $50,000 guarantee and business legal plans and free accounting software. And you can support them because they us their legal zoom. Be sure to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout for more savings for LLCs, incorporations, DBAs, trademarks and more trust. LegalZoom.com LegalZoom is not a law firm. And self help services are provided at your specific direction. All right, Richard Grieco is out there. Bring him in. One second. Sean, I feel bad. You're from Chicago. Not that part, but he had a first date.

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, I know. You always said a second date's the ultimate compliment. And I went out with this chick, we had a few drinks. It was pretty good. I was just wondering. I haven't heard back from her in a couple days. Do I call back?

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on a second.

[Allison Rosen]

He sounds like your dad. Minus 60 years.

[Brian Bishop]

I take it you're a virgin. I've said this many times. As a metaphor. The second date is all you need to know about, like, you know, people will go, oh, you did Bill O'Reilly show. And I'll. And they go, how did it go? And I go, well, it went Pretty good. And they go, well, what do you think? And I'll go, I don't know. In a week's time, my agent's phone will ring, and either they'll ask for me back, or we'll never hear from them again. And that will be the ultimate. How did it go? At least in their mind. And that's all you need to know, is you do an interview, do you get called back? You have a date, do you have a second date? You do someone's TV show. If you do great, they'll try to get you back the following Friday. Like, hey, we'll get you back next week, or we want to do more of these, or whatever it is versus, you know, it's like, Dennis Prager and I didn't know each other. We went up on stage, and soon as we walked off stage, he said, we got to do more of these. That's the ultimate second date. If it doesn't go well, it's like, ah, that was awesome. Yeah. People call me, and then you never hear from them again. So the second date is all you need to know in life. You can tell me how great the first date was until you're fucking blue in the face. But if you never went on the second, it wasn't good. Unless she died tragically. Hey, Sean.

[Officer Fox]

Yes, Ace man.

[Brian Bishop]

It's been how many days?

[Officer Fox]

Three. But here's the thing. She's in a profession you hate. She's a flight attendant, and she travels a lot.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. I don't hate flight attendants. I hate what's happened to them. Thank you.

[Officer Fox]

Smoking hot. So that's why I was wondering.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really? Jesus Christ. Never flown on her one of her planes. Like a gay guy or super angry witch.

[Adam Carolla]

Virgin Atlantic, maybe International, Scott.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

They kicked her lingus.

[Brian Bishop]

She flying the 777. She's flying the wide, ironically. They take the skinny bodies and put them on the wide bodies, and then they put the wide asses on the skinny planes that I fly on. Yeah, our planes have wide bodies. Our stewardess is doomed. What's her route? Where's she fly?

[Officer Fox]

She flies everywhere. I think she's going to New York this few days. Who knows?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, so you went on a first date. How'd it go?

[Officer Fox]

Pretty good. She said, let's go out again and give me a call. And then I called her and she texted me. She says, I'll give you a call. I'm back in town. I've been super busy, so I'm not sure what to Do.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

I. Let me say this. While this is not a screaming endorsement, if I was trying to blow someone off, I probably wouldn't have texted back after they called. Oh, maybe I would. I don't know. Like, that's pretty polite. She's not really blowing off.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, you will have your answer momentarily. You can literally just ask her what she's doing this weekend. And now, here's the deal. Yes, it's true. People work on weekends. People have family members coming in, by the way, when I was single, if I was in to somebody, it didn't matter what family member was doing what on what weekend or whatever, I'd be like, I'd blow off my friends. I'd blow off my fucking family. I'd blow off everyone at any time, if anything. And we all know we would. I mean, it's pretty simple. Look at your. You know, let's just go ahead and say George Clooney's at the top of your list.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Or you tell me who's at the top of your list.

[Allison Rosen]

Kevin Bacon.

[Adam Carolla]

Bob Beckham, circa. He said.

[Allison Rosen]

He said. Oh, yeah. Okay, now Kevin Bacon, circa.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a sick quicksilver. I'm having him. I'm going circa Quick silver for you or for Kevin Bacon and you.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

He was riding a bike.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

He was in better shape.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, I'm down with that.

[Brian Bishop]

And that was only a couple years before.

[Allison Rosen]

Boyish charm. And he said.

[Brian Bishop]

She said, it's quicksilver. Okay, sweetie. Okay, now it's Kevin Bacon.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Circa quicksilver, which is the eightiest of all 80s movies. It's sadly forgotten. Lost in the annals of time. Okay, now your sister or your mom or your whatever says, oh, I made a lasagna and we're having a girls thing over. What's that? That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm going out with Kevin Bacon.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Secret quicksilver.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. And your best friend says, fuck her. I got a couple of tickets to.

[Allison Rosen]

Rocky Horror and she's dead to me.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, that's right. Why?

[Allison Rosen]

Because I love Kevin Bacon.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. That's right. Now that he's at the top.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Now you start getting down a little bit. The guys you date, no one's gonna top Kevin Bacon. Maybe you got somebody.

[Allison Rosen]

David Faustino.

[Brian Bishop]

And then he's at the bottom or is in the middle.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I'm giving him a middle.

[Brian Bishop]

You're giving Faustino a middle.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Point is this.

[Allison Rosen]

You think he's out. He's out of my League.

[Adam Carolla]

It was the 80s.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's pick the shittiest guy. A guy you just have. No, let's pick, like, Dawson.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

No, we can't do that. Dawson. Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's pick Brian. Okay, so. But you don't want to date Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

No. Wait, why not, Dawson? Let's pick someone that. I don't know, Chris.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's pick someone else from television. Ed Asner.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, that's good.

[Brian Bishop]

Ed Asner.

[Warren Littlefield]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we don't like Ed Asner, so he's at the bottom. Okay, so now every guy you go on a date with is gonna be somewhere between Kevin Bacon as the ceiling and Ed Asner. Yeah. Now we know. If Kevin Bacon said, what are you doing this weekend? And he had plans with your mom? You'd be like, I'm hanging out with you, Kevin. And if Ed Asner called, you'd make boyfriend.

[Allison Rosen]

Said, what are you doing this weekend? I'd say, I'm hanging out with you, Kevin Bacon.

[Brian Bishop]

You'd make up a story. But if Ed Asner called, you'd make up a story.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's all somewhere in between Ed Asner and Kevin Bacon. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You understand this goes for everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Title of your next book.

[Allison Rosen]

But here's the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Even though you might not feel a Kevin Bacon level passion for someone, you could still, when you just meet them, be open to going out with them again and just not have the feelings yet.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm saying. You're somewhere in between. So if the girl is interested, Sean. And maybe she legitimately has to hop up on a plane and go somewhere abroad this weekend, if she's interested, you say to her, what's going on? I'll give an example. Let's do a little role playing, okay? You be the interested Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

And you be Kevin Bacon.

[Brian Bishop]

No, not everyone's Kevin Bacon.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, fine. I'm gonna.

[Brian Bishop]

You just be the interested female. Okay, I'll be Sean.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

But you legitimately have to do something this Saturday. You're gonna be out of town on a flight.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay?

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Right. I'm gonna call you up.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, I'm gonna call you. Shelly. Shelly. It's Sean. Yeah, thanks. It's Sean.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey. Hey. I was wondering if you want to go out and catch some dinner this Saturday.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I would love to. I'm so glad you called. But you know what always sucks? I have to go out of town this weekend, but I will be back. Oh, my schedule's kind of up in the air. But I really do want to go out. So let's just keep in touch. I would say that. Or I would say that I am ruining this improv. And also, I might say, you know what? I'll be back on Thursday.

[Brian Bishop]

You'll be back Thursday. All right, so let's go.

[Allison Rosen]

Hang on one second.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Kevin Bacon. Hey, what are y' all doing this week?

[Allison Rosen]

Hi. Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Let's go out.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't have a job anymore. I just quit it.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello? Are you back?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, Kevin, call you later. Hello? Who the hell was that? Sorry about that. That was my.

[Brian Bishop]

That wasn't Kevin Bacon, was it?

[Allison Rosen]

I wish I'd been burned before. Yeah. No.

[Brian Bishop]

I was dating a chick who dumped me for Kevin Bacon in the past. There's no way it could happen twice.

[Allison Rosen]

What'd she look like? Just out of curiosity.

[Brian Bishop]

Sort of like you like Kyra Sedgwick a little bit. Someone on the other line.

[Allison Rosen]

Hang on one second. Hello?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Kevin again.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, Kevin.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like you brushed me off last time. What happened? I was. We're having a conversation on the phone, A connection. There's not another guy out there, is there?

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, that. I don't. I don't know what happened. It's my phone. It's a new phone. It's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, get a new phone, meet me this weekend.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta go.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, bye.

[Brian Bishop]

That wasn't Kevin Bacon again, was it?

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's my brother again.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's a weird. Like, I don't. I can't pick the ponies, and I don't know who's gonna win the super bowl. But I get kind of a weird feeling about Kevin Bacon being on the other line.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's because you dated someone who left you for Kevin Bacon.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it happened twice.

[Allison Rosen]

Looked like me and Kyra Sedge.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah?

[Officer Fox]

Who?

[Allison Rosen]

Huh? What'd the other one look like?

[Brian Bishop]

I'd rather not relive it. Either way. Let's just say I don't want to get burned a third time. But by spattering bacon. Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, okay. Did you ever meet him?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wait a minute. Your line's ringing again.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, hang on. Sorry. Hang on one second. Hello?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Kevin here.

[Warren Littlefield]

Hey.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, do you eat sushi? I'm making reservations for dinner for us.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. I do too, if you know what I mean.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, well. Tim Sachs. Hello.

[Brian Bishop]

Was that Ed Asner? Because I also get weird feelings about him. All right, the point is this. Here, I'll play both roles. Here's how it Goes, Sean says to girl, how about Saturday night? Girl says, I'm gonna be out of town on Saturday night, but I'll be back on Monday. And if you want to try to get together on Monday night for dinner, I'm wide open. Great. What time? Let's do it. That's interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how I should have done that.

[Brian Bishop]

That's good enough. Uninterested is, I'm gonna be gone Saturday night because I have a flight. Hit me next week, like sometime and we'll see if we can. Something vague. Super vague.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you're getting brushed off.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, but not a total. Not a total brick wall. Just a spike strip in your groin and, you know, just kind of. But I'll be back, like, I'll be back like early. You won't get anything specific. I'll be back like early next week, so why don't you hit me toward the middle? There'll also be a thing where they'll kick it back. Like, they'll go, I'll be back like sort of early next week, so why don't you call me on Friday? Like, they'll keep buying themselves days. Like, yeah, you'll be back on Monday night. Why am I calling you Friday? You know, why don't you call me when you get back? And then it just gets pushed back and it gets. It just goes away. That's what it is. Fucking bitch. Kevin Bacon. All right. Uh oh, Bacon's on the other line.

[Allison Rosen]

Who? For who?

[Brian Bishop]

I hope it's about Greek. Oh, I'm picking up the phone. Hello?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, hey, it's the other bacon brother.

[Brian Bishop]

I forget my name from the band.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's me, Michael Bacon.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, what's up?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Kevin's busy. He can't go out this weekend. I'm very sorry to tell whoever he was talking to, but I'm sure there's another nice guy on the other line.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, bye.

[Allison Rosen]

Who is it? Who was it?

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a guy who said we should bring Richard Greco.

[Allison Rosen]

In fact, lynch is calling us.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Quick break. Right back with greeko. Yeah. Back in studio with Richard Grieco. TV show Gigolos Season 1, available on Amazon. And by the way, you're gonna go through Amazon, go to AdamCroll.com, click the Amazon banner and show us a little love. We'll wet our beak. And it's not gonna cost you any extra time and. Or money. Good to see you, Richard.

[Richard Grieco]

Good to see you too.

[Brian Bishop]

So let's go. I want to hear the whole Richard Grieco story. Where do you grow up? Where's it begin?

[Richard Grieco]

Where does it begin? Well, I grew up in upstate New York, Watertown, New York, which is 70 miles northeast of Syracuse.

[Brian Bishop]

And when does the acting begin?

[Richard Grieco]

I went to college on a football scholarship.

[Brian Bishop]

I was reading here. You played inside linebacker and fullback.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, it was 2:30 back.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ. I know, I'm like, it's a lot of Greco.

[Richard Grieco]

It was a lot of Greco. You're right.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Now what college did you go to?

[Richard Grieco]

Central Connecticut.

[Brian Bishop]

And you got a free ride to play to play ball there.

[Richard Grieco]

Play ball, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And what position did you end up playing?

[Richard Grieco]

I ended up playing linebacker. And then a short yard of situations. They put me in his fullback. Just like you know, 4th and 1 or.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's good.

[Richard Grieco]

But linebacker's fun.

[Warren Littlefield]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I played linebacker in high school and year of college. No, it's the greatest because you get to stand there and look at what's going on.

[Richard Grieco]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And you get to just react, react.

[Richard Grieco]

And really hit people pretty hard.

[Brian Bishop]

It's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

A thousand yard stare.

[Richard Grieco]

I was just thinking, I mean the.

[Brian Bishop]

Thing that I always thought that and I don't know, I had like withdrawals after I stopped playing football for years, like I dreamt about it. That's all I wanted to do. I had these like I wanted to tunnel back into my high school and play one more year of football. I had nothing else going on in my life. If I was doing 21 Jump Street. I wouldn't have been thinking about it quite as much. But the thing I realized I missed about football is when the ball snapped, you don't think about anything else. You just think about football. Like you just look at the quarterback, you try to read stuff, you get into your hook zone, you're trying to see if they're throwing a screen or whatever it is, your angle of pursuit, whatever it is. But you don't think about anything else during that particular moment in time?

[Richard Grieco]

No. Your, your main objective because it's, it's tunnel vision. So your main objective is either if the running back has the ball is, is knocking him to left field or you know, the quarterback has a ball getting him or making sure no one, you know, busts your kneecaps and stuff like that.

[Brian Bishop]

And so you play.

[Richard Grieco]

What number are you in college I was in college. I was 42 and in high school I was 33.

[Brian Bishop]

42. Hell of a lineback in number. Not that there were any great ones that were 42.

[Richard Grieco]

No, you're right, there wasn't but it's.

[Brian Bishop]

A good college linebacking number.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know why. Because once you get into the pros, you got to go up into the 50s. Pretty much.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah. 55.

[Brian Bishop]

And the thing I always love about watching college is I like to see, like, a free safety with number one or, like, an inside back or number nine, which probably meant he started off as a flanker, bulked up, and they put him on the inside. It's just something. Oh, yeah. Ronnie Lott. There you go. No one's heard.

[Richard Grieco]

Oh, 42.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'm trying to think of a but. There's no backers in the NFL in the 40s. But anyway, so you're playing linebacker in college and.

[Richard Grieco]

Well, the funny thing was, I was playing hockey, too, and then I was playing for the Kingston Canadiens, a farm club for the Montreal Canadiens, so I could have went that route, too, to go play pro hockey. But then I played lacrosse, too.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah. Which. That's a tough sport.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no lacrosse in Los Angeles or on the West Coast. It's a weird sport to us. It's sort of like hockey and football, and it's funky. We don't have that.

[Richard Grieco]

Football, soccer with sticks and nets, but.

[Brian Bishop]

Upstate New York, it's massive.

[Allison Rosen]

It's huge.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, it's huge. The whole east coast, from upstate New York, Pennsylvania down to the Carolinas, stuff like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Do a lot of the football players play lacrosse when they're not playing football?

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, because it keeps you in great.

[Brian Bishop]

Shape and they've figured out the seasons, so they're sort of staggered.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, because you got football in the fall, lacrosse in the spring, and then hockey was in the winter.

[Brian Bishop]

So then you're playing hockey. So now at a certain point, you're trying to. You have to pick a sport. Right, right. And you pick football. Football, yeah. And what happens.

[Richard Grieco]

I had my fourth knee operation my freshman year in college, but back then, it wasn't like today, where they give you something and you're out for four months and stuff like that because you got a little ACL tear. Not a full tear with me. They used to just drain my knee, tape it up, and put me back out there. Shoot me up a cortisone today. If you get a pimple on your ass, you're. You know.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Richard Grieco]

You're out for two weeks.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. You're puss.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So your knees fucked up.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And any dreams of going into professional football?

[Richard Grieco]

Oh, when I was playing. Yeah. Yeah. I thought. But then when I got to college. You realize that they're just as fast as I am, you know, especially the teams we played against. When we played against. I know it doesn't sound like a big school, but for us playing against Yale, you know, they were a lot bigger than us, faster. And we, we realized that, you know, what if we. What if we played against someone like Georgia or Nebraska or Ohio State? We'd get our butts kicked.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, no, I know. I had the same problem. I went to junior college and I couldn't handle it. It's like too much. Guys were too big, too fast. Everyone is just. Everyone's like. Like the athletes were too good in high school. You can get by because not everyone's a great athlete. And you can know the game a little better and be a little smarter. And then you get certain, you go up a level and everyone's good. Everyone's a really good athlete. And then you realize there's five levels still between here and where I need to be. And it's like, fuck it. So you start, but you take a look in the mirror and you go, huh, they'll do some acting. Is that what happens?

[Richard Grieco]

Well, it was kind of a funny thing. They had this contest, some silly contest. Best looking guy in college or something. And a model agency in New York said, do you want to come to New York and model? And I wasn't getting along with my football coach at the time because of some hazing thing I wouldn't do, which is something weird with a goat or something.

[Brian Bishop]

What'd they want you to do?

[Richard Grieco]

Seriously? It was something weird with a goat.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

But you have a weird thing we're thinking of with a goat?

[Richard Grieco]

Not that weird, but it could be weird. I mean.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, tell us what they wanted with the goat and then what were you.

[Richard Grieco]

Thinking about with a goat?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we always go to the worst. We go to the worst goat place.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, we do.

[Richard Grieco]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Someone just had sex with a goat in their head and it wasn't me.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian. Yeah, guilty. Did the coach once. I thought the coach was supposed to not be involved with this.

[Richard Grieco]

No, the coaches weren't involved at all.

[Officer Fox]

All.

[Richard Grieco]

But the, the. Like, I was a freshman, so. And plus, I was moved up to grade, so I was a young freshman and they wanted us to do some things with a goat that, That I wouldn't do.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, can't be worse than what we're all picturing.

[Richard Grieco]

I think you can picture what they wanted you to do with a goat.

[Brian Bishop]

And you got moved up two graves.

[Richard Grieco]

So bad for the goat, six days, eighth grade.

[Brian Bishop]

Why?

[Richard Grieco]

They did IQ testing back then.

[Brian Bishop]

But why? Why?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know how humble he is. Because he was too smart for sixth grade.

[Richard Grieco]

I get it. Maybe, maybe.

[Allison Rosen]

And too good looking for Connecticut.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Richard Grieco]

Maybe the sensibility of smart as far as, like doing graphs and stuff like that. But in the reasoning of, you know, your emotional stability as far as a sixth and eighth grader, you know, you weren't ready for that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, so now you're playing ball in college and you're what, 17, 11, 16.

[Richard Grieco]

17. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying that's a huge disadvantage because there's this whole thing now where they hold the kids back.

[Richard Grieco]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone's holding their kid back. And it was massive. I mean, one year is massive when you're playing sports at the high school level. Because there's just a huge difference between being 15 and 16 and 16 and 17. I mean, there could be 40 pounds of muscle between being 16 or 17 or 18 years of age going to college and being 16 and a half or 17. Feels like a huge disadvantage.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, well, one thing I did have going, I was big. I was like. When I went to college, a senior in high school, I was about 195 and I went both ways, linebacker and running back. And then when I got to college, I was about 2, 10. And then I put on £20 when I got there.

[Brian Bishop]

So just eating, eating, lifting weights, all that stuff.

[Richard Grieco]

Lifting. But back then, I mean, we used to order this stuff from Weider. This, this. Oh, yeah, Weider magazine. Muscle and Fitness. But I don't think you can do monkey hormones today.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's like a crazy pound.

[Richard Grieco]

No, they were, they were palatable. You could, you can do it in a test tube and just put it under your tongue, but you got it in a little thing. And my parents would go, what did you get this time? I go, I don't know. It tastes awful. But they're supposed to do something so.

[Brian Bishop]

You wouldn't have sex with a goat. So they kicked you off the team?

[Richard Grieco]

No, no, they made me. What happened was after practice one day, I forget his name. He was. He was a captain of the defense. Real. But they all stood, the whole team stood and watched me run hills.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Richard Grieco]

And just, you know, and I was just swearing at him and then finally got to the point. I said, I'll take. Come on, I'll take you all on up there. And then that was the dumbest thing I could have done because basically nine.

[Brian Bishop]

Of them went up there and beat On.

[Richard Grieco]

You beat on me pretty good.

[Brian Bishop]

So there's a lot of people don't realize I've said this many times. People think that jocks beat up nerds, but jocks beat up fellow jocks. Every movie is about the jock walking down the hall, seeing the nerd and going, going, hey, nerd, what are you doing on my turf?

[Allison Rosen]

And then stick his finger in his.

[Brian Bishop]

Meatloaf, giving him a wedgie, and then throwing him in his locker. But the reality is, all my jock buddies were too busy beating each other up and they didn't know who the nerds were.

[Richard Grieco]

I brought that up the other day. I said we never. I never saw one of us beat up a nerd or do any of those things that flip the hats or anything. We beat the shit out of each other, right?

[Warren Littlefield]

You.

[Brian Bishop]

The jocks did the ultimate attack on nerds, which is they didn't know who they were. That's the ultimate slight. That's the ultimate slap in the face. And the nerds, the nerds were too.

[Allison Rosen]

Nerdy to even be beaten up.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why it's always weird, because they go like, I was a nerd in high school and I got beat up by the jocks every day. And I'm like, first off, every day the jocks are £230.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe you're toy jocks. No, fake jocks who are beating up nerds cause jock love like people do. Beat up nerds according to movies.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me tell you something, they're just.

[Allison Rosen]

Not the real job.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you what happens.

[Richard Grieco]

According to movies.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you what happens. Chicks do the, oh, I was fat and nobody wanted to date me. And they didn't think I was good looking and I wasn't the popular girl. And the popular girls, they have a version of that. And then nerds have their own version of it. But the truth is, if my buddy Ray, first off, he would be making them into paraplegics. Like, if my buddy Ray was beating up on nerds, he'd be killing them. He'd be breaking their necks.

[Allison Rosen]

A nerdy friend who was on the tennis team, and some dick on the team who I think was a jock but maybe not pissed in his locker.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's funny. Number one, and we did that, but we did it to each other. And number two, he wouldn't be a jock if he was on the tennis team. He'd be a nerd. Can't be a jock and be on a test.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm saying. What we nerds think were jocks, weren't jocks. They were just more muscular.

[Brian Bishop]

Jocks beat the shit out of everyone else who's on their team with them.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Am I right, Richard?

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're fighting other jocks. It's jock on jock crime.

[Richard Grieco]

Yep, exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

And on goat, apparently.

[Brian Bishop]

So you go, fuck this. I'm getting off a hill with the jocks and I'm gonna go model in New York.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah. Which lasted all of four months. I did that for four months. Didn't really like it. And then just got into theater, started studying theater.

[Brian Bishop]

And when did is 21 Jump street the first big break or what is the first big break?

[Richard Grieco]

I was in New York for about three years doing theater and studying and bartended the Palladium. When it first opened up, that was. It was a movie in itself. And went out to LA just to visit my agents out here. Booked a gig a day. I got off the plane, which was a Rags to riches.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh my God, the musical TV show.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I loved that show.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, who did you play on it?

[Richard Grieco]

I played this tough kid who. Who didn't have a place and he's. Then he, Joseph Bologna's character brought him in and he was working on his car and next thing I know, I forget what girl fell in love with me. And then we end up singing.

[Brian Bishop]

What becomes the broken heart, the sane one. The sane one. I mean, let's be honest. 25 year old Richard Grieco comes into town, you fall in love, you got a couple brain cells to rub together, so. And then when does Jump street come around?

[Richard Grieco]

Well, then you had that, then you had Bronx Zoo, and then I did. Oh, I did who's the Boss? With Tony Danz. I played his Italian cousin from Italy.

[Brian Bishop]

Perfect.

[Richard Grieco]

Who wanted to marry Angela.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Was that an arc? Was there a couple of those?

[Richard Grieco]

Well, no, just one. And then I got a pilot off it with Mindy Cohen, David Spade called Big Apple Blue, which never went. And then the writer strike happened and then two months later, Jump street was Facts of Life.

[Allison Rosen]

That was a Facts of Life spinoff.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Shocking.

[Allison Rosen]

Dying over here back in my favorite show.

[Brian Bishop]

So like Johnny Depp. What kind of guy was he back then? Did you see it? Did you like? Oh, man, this guy's destined for greatness. Could you tell?

[Richard Grieco]

We were just in doing the show. I mean, I came on the third season, so we just had fun doing the show and goofing around. And back then it was all new for all of us, you know, he.

[Brian Bishop]

Seems a little affected now. Johnny Depp does. Like Europe got to him. You know what I mean? Little Madonna thing going on.

[Richard Grieco]

Like spends a lot of time in Europe.

[Brian Bishop]

You spend too much time in Europe and then you come over here and you grace us with your presence. Like, you know what I'm talking about? I don't want to be a douchebag, but I mean, that thing where you move to Paris and then you come.

[Allison Rosen]

Back and that's that thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You sort of look at the little people that stayed behind and it's always like a little something going on with him. He's got the kerchief going, he's got the scarf, the hat. He's calculated. His voice is starting to change. It's not quite doing the Madonna thing, but it's like I just heard him in some interview and there's a little something going on. But back then that was just old un European Johnny Depp. He wasn't on the metric system back then.

[Richard Grieco]

No, no, he was. No, he was. He was definitely not on the metric system.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you guys go out and party, hang out?

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, we all hung out together back then. Yeah, we all hung out and had a good time and had a lot of good times up there and. But I was brought on the show as the antagonist. So when Fox did this whole thing with the Greek O Depp thing back then it was Greco versus Depp. Depp versus Greco, sure. You know, and so during that whole first season, that whole cast did not know what I was doing there. Like, why is this guy here right now?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Richard Grieco]

So. And then it's supposed to be one episode, then it took a off and then end up being for the whole.

[Brian Bishop]

Year and did you see the, did you see the movie? I haven't seen the new 21 Jump street movie, by the way.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, I saw it.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you like it? Was it. Was it. Most, Most people don't like versions of whatever they were in that this gets, you know.

[Richard Grieco]

Well, I guess what they did was make it a flat out comedy, which I guess was pretty smart. But. But in the sense of what we did as far as tackling issues, it has nothing to do with Jump street per se, as far as that level. But they, I mean, Jonah and Chandum did a great job. The writers did a great job. Look at it. It's super Bad meets Jump street meets, you know, just a roller coaster ride and a funny movie. So.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, always good.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw the film. I have a question. Did they approach you at all for any kind of cameo or anything in the film?

[Richard Grieco]

That's a weird connection.

[Warren Littlefield]

Meaning? No.

[Adam Carolla]

Why didn't they.

[Brian Bishop]

Aren't they supposed to do that?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought his absence was conspicuous.

[Richard Grieco]

Well, here. Here's.

[Brian Bishop]

I. I.

[Richard Grieco]

Supposedly, the second one, they're. They're gonna. And anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they're doing a second one.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah. But the first one, I don't know if the Booker character would have been advantageous for that film since he was, you know, an antagonist. And. And I don't know how they would have lended itself into that film if they already had.

[Brian Bishop]

But they're doing a sequel.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, they're doing a sequel.

[Warren Littlefield]

Good.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Allison Rosen, you have some news.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but all I've been thinking about since I've heard Big City Blues is the fact that he was in the show that almost spun off from Facts of Life. You played an artist, right?

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, I played artists. Actor, artist. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. And David Spade played a sleazy doctor who offered free prime breast exams.

[Richard Grieco]

Really Saw it?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

He was not acting. He walked on the street.

[Brian Bishop]

She was fat in high school.

[Richard Grieco]

You saw that? You saw that show?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. And the key was on the bum's head.

[Richard Grieco]

Oh, my God.

[Allison Rosen]

Ask me anything. Yeah, it's when Natalie went off to the big city because she felt like, as a reporter, she really couldn't do what she wanted to do in Peekskill. But then she ended up moving back.

[Richard Grieco]

How many times have you watched this?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know. The normal. About eight or nine, whatever. Probably like, like, twice or thrice or something. It's very good.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I hate to tell you, but that's not very exciting news.

[Allison Rosen]

And now I'm imagining the news theme song is going to sound extra weird to him.

[Brian Bishop]

The news with Allison Rosen. She read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it up.

[Allison Rosen]

Our friend Dag David Alan Grier received some good news today because Porgy and Bess was nominated for 10 Tonys.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And he himself was nominated for best performance by a featured actor in a musical.

[Brian Bishop]

Porgy and Bess, super talented guy.

[Allison Rosen]

And here is part of what he said about it. I've been screaming and hollering. I feel like I blew my voice out already.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw him in race a couple of years ago over there on Broadway, and he was nominated for that, too. He didn't win, but he was nominated for that as well.

[Allison Rosen]

He said, it just feels to me. And from the people I talked to who worked on the production like validation. From the very beginning, this show had so much controversy. Article after article. If we even had a right to do what we were doing, should it be on Broadway? How dare they?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really? I didn't know it was so controversial.

[Allison Rosen]

It was crazy. I didn't even know if we'd make it to Broadway.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to hear some more Dag Drops. I just love me some Dag. He's such a talented guy. Leave it to Death row, people. Leave it at Death Row. I had my favorite thing to do with Dag is I think I got the active ingredients and hormones and birth control. And I told Dag, I know it sounds weird. Not as weird as your goat story, by the way. You see, you're doing a lot of judging for a guy with a goat story.

[Richard Grieco]

You're absolutely correct.

[Brian Bishop]

So I. I have Dag. I have him as old black grandmama go out to the porch and yell for his black children that are named after the hormones that are in the birth control pill. Estradyra, Estradara. Whatever you got, Brian, just leave it a death rope. Give it a touch of rope. Sounds like to make love today. Yeah. Hey, Adam, it's good to be here. I'd like to take you out for an imported beer. I always thought that was Maya Angelou.

[Adam Carolla]

I did too, but I was correct. There were several listeners.

[Brian Bishop]

It was Nipsey Russell. Well, great. Let's hope he wins it this time.

[Allison Rosen]

Jessica Simpson gave birth to a baby girl after being pregnant for what seems like 18 months.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Allison Rosen]

The baby is named Maxwell Drew Johnson, and she weighed 9 pounds, 13 ounces and measured 2113 quarters inches long.

[Brian Bishop]

When did shitting out kids become so fucking noble? Like, isn't that the one thing we can all agree on as human beings as we procreate? You know what I mean? Like, all right, you're a chick and you're a certain age and you're pregnant. God bless you. Moving on.

[Allison Rosen]

It does seem like the most natural thing in the world, and yet. But I also think there's a whole industry that makes you feel like if you don't do it right, the baby's not gonna come out.

[Brian Bishop]

But how much talk do we need to have about somebody and their newborn kid? Like, considering we're all here because our moms got pregnant at some point and Jessica Simpson's here because her mom got pregnant, presumably, it's weird that we treat it as such a crazy anomaly. Like, Jessica, there's a 28 year old woman who's pregnant. So, like, yeah, that's how it works.

[Richard Grieco]

But wasn't she pregnant for, like, a long time?

[Allison Rosen]

It seemed like she was pregnant forever, but she was, I guess, just over her due date for a week.

[Richard Grieco]

I thought she was pregnant for, like, 14 months.

[Brian Bishop]

It feels like. It feels like. I mean, when I saw her, I did the Tonight show with her. Like, I don't know, what was it two months ago? A month and a half ago. And she was ready to pop. Like, she was. I don't know when I did it two months ago, seven weeks ago.

[Allison Rosen]

I was surprised that at that. And apparently the magazine cover, she was only in her, I think, second trimester at that point.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she. If you see this picture and I don't know when I did it six, seven weeks ago, something like that. She is fucking massive then. And yeah, the. No, the magazine cover was from before she was pregnant. She's just been drinking too much beer.

[Richard Grieco]

It looks like Photoshop.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like leopard print is the wrong look for her right there. That was March 15th.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so we're talking about six weeks ago. All right, so she got the kid out. What's the kid's name?

[Allison Rosen]

Maxwell. It's a girl.

[Brian Bishop]

And does she have. She's not one of those nine names?

[Allison Rosen]

No. Well, at this point, it's just Maxwell Drew Johnson.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Okay. All right. And, you know, we can look forward to. Now a fucking book. We're gonna get a book. Although she's not gonna write a book, but we're still gonna get a book from her.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

Being a mommy. Mommy book. Yeah. What's it like? What to expect. Boy. All right. And then a line of something.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, A line of baby something wipes.

[Brian Bishop]

And Diaper Genies and all sorts of shit. Oh, God. All right. I know. We wish her well.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's what I want to know, though. You know the term baby bump? It seems to me that that came out of nowhere and then was everywhere within the last, I don't know, five years. I'd never heard it before that. Is it just that all of a sudden I became aware of it and then it was everywhere? Or did someone invent that and make us all say it?

[Richard Grieco]

Baby bumpy bump.

[Brian Bishop]

Baby bump did not exist in my mind, like, six years ago, there was no baby bump, and now it's nothing but a baby bump.

[Richard Grieco]

I think it's the clothes they wear because it's, like, really cool to show your little.

[Brian Bishop]

And also, it wasn't. It wasn't. We weren't supposed to be talking about it in the past. And there was also weird superstitious kind of thing, like, yeah, don't talk about it until we actually. Yeah, I mean, wait. Literally, let's wait for the. Let's not count the chickens before the eggs hatch. And now it's just everyone with their baby bump. And then there's that weird thing where they have to speculate. Is that a baby bump, isn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Or is she just fat?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

A man is suing BMW claiming that the seat on his BMW motorcycle gave him an erection lasting nearly two years, according to the suit.

[Brian Bishop]

I see a Ducati doing that for you, but the BMW, that's a touring bike. Yeah, it's not that exciting.

[Allison Rosen]

According to the suit, the rigid seat on his 1993 motorcycle left him with mental and emotional anguish after allegedly causing an extreme case of priapism, also known as a long lasting erection. Henry Wolf.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the erect man fucking wife should be suing BMW.

[Allison Rosen]

That's him. Has been experiencing continuing problems since his motorcycle ride, according to his attorney. And he is now unable to engage in sexual activity.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

That's counterintuitive, Daniel.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like you couldn't engage. You couldn't go back to your accounting firm.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, yeah. Sex is the one place this might be acceptable if not appreciated.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. This is the one thing you can do with your boner. Right, Right.

[Allison Rosen]

He should really make lemonade.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess it's.

[Allison Rosen]

And that would probably be difficult as well, to bend weirdly. And so this alleged case of priapism began after he took a four hour ride on his motorcycle. And by the way, Priapism, which I'm possibly pronouncing wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. It's named after the Greek fertility God Priapus, or Priapus, who was commonly depicted as having an unusually large erection. I've never seen this God depicted, and I don't need to right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Yeah, it's tough, Especially in stained glass. Yeah, I don't. Oh, someone's calling.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Priapus.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, hey, Pry.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm up on Mount Olympus right now. What are you doing this weekend?

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Nothing. Well, I mean, I might have to move a couple things around.

[Brian Bishop]

We're looking at a pretty big picture of an uncut wang.

[Adam Carolla]

I have to move one thing around.

[Warren Littlefield]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ. It's a lot of pre pews there.

[Richard Grieco]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

He needs scaffolding for it.

[Allison Rosen]

That looks like. It looks like a ram's horn. Slash doorknob.

[Richard Grieco]

It's like a mallet. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What do they do hang a coat on.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think the Greeks all sat around like Stan Lee and went, we need the one. Let's see, we need the one guy who's got the wings on his feet. And there's another guy named Hermes. All right, the other guy flies too close to the sun.

[Adam Carolla]

O Icarus. He gets cocky.

[Brian Bishop]

He gets cocky. Oh, we need a strong dude, like a Zeus, Hercules, Herculean type. Strong guy. Strong guy. But his hair. Something with his hair. That's his strength. That comes from his hair. Oh, we need a guy with a huge cocktail. Yeah. What we call him Stan, you want.

[Adam Carolla]

To take this one?

[Brian Bishop]

Let's call him Nardman or Cock Boy or something. We call him Shaft Head or. That's a good name for that guy, huh? What do you got, Priya? Pinahism.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't really know a lot about the subject. I don't know why you're asking.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's call him King Dong.

[Richard Grieco]

Or Panias.

[Brian Bishop]

Panias.

[Adam Carolla]

I think all your suggestions are fantastic.

[Allison Rosen]

Or Wangus.

[Brian Bishop]

Wangus. Yeah, how about that? What else do we got?

[Adam Carolla]

We got dingus.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, we need a flying turtle to do battle with a moth. I know. Wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Feel like you're heading your time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. A dragon that shoots. Oh, shit. All right. Yeah. No, no, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Something.

[Brian Bishop]

That's Godzilla. That's fucked up. Yeah, you're right.

[Richard Grieco]

That was Gamera.

[Brian Bishop]

Gamera.

[Richard Grieco]

Gamera, the flying turtle.

[Brian Bishop]

The Mothra. The whole. The whole Godzilla. Like those guys shot their wad with Godzilla because Godzilla was creative and interesting. And then they came up with Mothra, and it's like, what's this one huge moth?

[Richard Grieco]

Well, the thing is.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Richard Grieco]

But it was huge larva.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's like a giant moth. But it's like. Does moth instill fear into the hearts of anybody?

[Allison Rosen]

Only sweaters.

[Adam Carolla]

He irritated. God.

[Richard Grieco]

That was battle from the Earth. Battle. Battle for Earth.

[Brian Bishop]

Has anyone ever have a story involving fear and a moth? Like, hey, man, we were camping. Fucking moth. The ranger told us this was moth country, and we didn't listen. Like, is there anything about. I brought a.44 in case we ran into a huge moth.

[Allison Rosen]

You told us to get rid of.

[Brian Bishop]

Our bright light and then the turtle. The only thing less scary than a moth is a fucking turtle. What the. What were they thinking? You know what I mean? I mean, do a fucking. Do a tarantula and a dragonfly or something. I mean, a scorpion. You can't miss with a scorpion. No, no, turtle. Oh, yeah. What's this one? Does it spins around and Shoots sparklers out of its ass. Like, really? I don't find that. I don't find that scary at all. I find that more interesting than anything else. Like, we're gonna kill that thing. Make a huge ashtray. It's gonna be all awesome. I'm gonna make an above ground pool out of its shell. It's gonna be great.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of turtles, a man who tried to sneak 55 live turtles and tortoises really packed in snack food boxes. Really, huh.

[Brian Bishop]

Into the U.S. i just did 10 minutes on turtles. And your next story was a turtle story?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I had to shuffle the papers and bring it up.

[Brian Bishop]

But you had a turtle story.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not. Would I make this up?

[Brian Bishop]

No, you couldn't.

[Allison Rosen]

I couldn't?

[Brian Bishop]

Possible.

[Allison Rosen]

How weird is that? Okay, so he's going to federal prison. Atsushi Yamagami was sentenced to 21 months in jail and ordered to pay a fine of $18,403. Very specific number. Yamagami is described as a major wildlife trafficker, and many of the live reptiles he attempted to smuggle into America were species protected by the Convention on International Trade and Endangered Species. Additionally, pulling the turtles and tortoise or putting the turtles and tortoises in snack food boxes constituted animal cruelty according to federal prosecutors. I wonder what they prefer. Traveling.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me just say this. Once you get outside of human beings, shouldn't it all just be fair game in terms of consumption? I mean, if you're not an endangered species and you don't carry hepatitis C, I think turtles carry shit. But I mean, like, once you get, you know, like, all right, you can't eat bald eagles. There's not enough bald eagles. We need bald eagles and we can't eat each other. But really, what's the difference between a fucking moose and a cow, right? And what's the difference between a turtle and a sea urchin? You know what I mean? Like, it's one more thing that was walking around that's gonna be in our belly.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if they were being smuggled. Event to eventually be food pets.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they're making turtle pets out of them, I think.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know. I don't know ultimately what he planned to do with all these turtles.

[Brian Bishop]

The good news is they almost can never get away. Like, if the turtle takes off, like, hey, that turtle's making a break for.

[Allison Rosen]

It, really, there's time for backup.

[Brian Bishop]

How can you tell? I am going to slowly walk up to the back of the turtle and pick it up. No turtle ever makes a Break for it.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's my favorite part, though. Smuggler was busted as part of something nicknamed Operation Flying Turtle, an undercover sting run by agents with the Fish and Wildlife Service who infiltrated a smuggling ring. Operation Flying Turtle. By the way, that's the code name, hence the fact.

[Richard Grieco]

The flying turtle that he was talking about earlier.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Is that Gamera? Yeah. And by the way, the name for Mothra is even the laziest name in the world. What should we call this super horrible villain that flies through the sky with no real discernible power? Well, it's a moth.

[Adam Carolla]

Moth thing. That's creative.

[Brian Bishop]

How about this moth Raw.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, if you want to go with that.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess. Moving on. Operation Flying Turtle feels like a game move to me. You know what I mean? That's what happens when the guy pulls his sack over his cock and then gets a running start at your asshole.

[Allison Rosen]

A slow or a fast one, though.

[Brian Bishop]

It uses one of those springboards they use to hit the pommel horse in the gymnastics. That's called Operation Flying Turtle. Have you ever had the flying turtle?

[Adam Carolla]

You don't want the snapping turtle. You don't want that.

[Brian Bishop]

Loosen up. I'll tell you what. You take a nice warm bath before and after. You know what gives you the flying turtle? That's advanced gay shit. You don't try that your first time out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not beginner gay.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. This better not be your first gay rodeo. Yeah, the flying turtle, it is a gay move. All right, so we busted. Oh, so he wasn't eating them, he was petting them, I believe.

[Allison Rosen]

I imagine. Yeah. They're for pets more than for food.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have any. You know how there are people that eat.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it an Asian dude?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Why does all weird animal stuff. Why does every arrow point to Asia somewhere? Is there something about.

[Allison Rosen]

Or Richard Greco.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's a goat. That's healthy. I mean, that's a healthy expression of love between one player and another, right? No, I'm just saying all the weird rhino horns and all the bear pancreas.

[Adam Carolla]

There was the sushi restaurant here in Santa Monica got shut down for trying to serve whale. Well, they did serve whale meat.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

What.

[Brian Bishop]

What is that? What. What's going on with that culture where everything is a fucking weird. If somebody just said weird animals, smuggling, eating, whatever, doing.

[Allison Rosen]

I would think Japanese monkey brains.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Like why. Why is every arrow point toward Japan or somewhere in that. That. That region? Why? What is it? It's fucked up. I mean, there's other people that like fucked up food. The Jews like a fucked up food. I mean, they like. They like Jell O Fish. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but every time I turn into, like, you know, bizarre foods with Andrew Zimmern, he's in Asia somewhere eating something off the street.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Bizarre.

[Brian Bishop]

I think there's something to do. I think there's an inadequacy. I think there's a half the stuff. It's gonna make your cock bigger anyway. Couldn't we work that out? You know, it's all aphrodisiac and cock driven.

[Allison Rosen]

Couldn't we work what out?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I feel like they're people of stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

You just need motorcycles.

[Brian Bishop]

They're people who are good at math, are they not?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, they're not a primitive culture.

[Allison Rosen]

So why are they hanging on? Ridiculous. Like, eat this cuttlefish or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Like some guys. Yeah, right. So somebody says, I need you to eat this cuttlefish. It's gonna make your cock girthier. And it's like, yeah, my dad ate it and it didn't make his cock any bigger. I measured. So moving on.

[Allison Rosen]

Then again, maybe they are not going to admit that their cock is still wee.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm, weet. I like that. Well, the water displacement test doesn't lie, sweetie. That's how I measure a cock. That's the full volume of a cock. You know what I mean? It's not just length and girth. There's a lot of factors. But if you do the water displacement.

[Allison Rosen]

Test, do you know the formula for volume of a cocktail?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you take a graduated beaker, you fill it with, hopefully, mountain spring water. That's what I prefer.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And then you put your. Your dong in it. You know. You know when it's. You know when it's too messy and you see how much water is removed from the beaker.

[Allison Rosen]

So essentially you're teabagging the graduated beaker.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the flying turtle. It's a flying turtle of science. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Tidbit. Cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Yeah. Greco. Do you have a computer?

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You use a computer? You got a home computer? Office, perhaps? Work computer?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Richard Grieco]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

IPhone.

[Richard Grieco]

IPhone.

[Brian Bishop]

Tablet travel. I'm guessing you travel a bit. Sometimes you're traveling, like at the airport, and you're like, I wish I could get to my computer. I want my home computer. I always have pictures. Not of my kids, but of my cars. I want to show people they're on my home computer, but I don't have them on my iPhone. Yep, go to my PC. That's where they come in. Buy Citrix. You can access your work computer, your home computer, wherever you are, at the airport, at the park, at the Starbucks, getting the flying Turtle down at Mr. Fist. And that's right, wherever you happen to be. Wherever you happen to be, you can connect directly to your office Mac or PC or your home Mac or PC. You can do multiple computers and you can hit it from your laptop, your iPad, your iPhone, Android tablet, Boom. Like magic. Try it for free. Try, go to my PC free. 45 day free trial. Jesus Christ. 45 day, month and a half free. Visit gotomypc.com, click on the try it free button. And remember, use the promo code. Adam Richard, what's next for you? What can we see in what can we look forward at? TV movies. You do any writing? You know, you do some producing and that kind of stuff.

[Richard Grieco]

Yeah, I'm executive producer and creator of Gigolos show. We're in our, going into our third season this week or next week.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm reading here that you feel like you got screwed over by those guys. Is that true?

[Richard Grieco]

Well, I guess in the sensibility of contracts and stuff like that, you always be leery of the word may and seeing its May 1, so. But we're still working on it and stuff like that. We're trying to make it work.

[Brian Bishop]

And again, you want to get season one DVDs, you get it on Amazon and you know where to go. And last but not least, Sherry's berries, everybody. These things are. You know, I believe that Godzilla got hit with gamma radiation.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

I could have created him. Maybe, maybe, maybe Mothra got hit with.

[Richard Grieco]

A little gamma or maybe a nuclear, Nuclear bomb.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Oh, Gamra. A Mothra was just hit by a huge porch light and made it massive.

[Adam Carolla]

Swung out with the broom.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Yeah. Sherry's berries has done the same with the strawberries.

[Allison Rosen]

Huge, soft, delicious way.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, they've done some kind of weird. There's, there's some weird alchemy going on. I can tell you that right now. Now, because you've never seen strawberries this big. Huge. The size of a tennis ball size strawberries. And they're covered with white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, nuts, chocolate chips, whatever you like, whatever floats your boat. $19.99, 1999. You get a beautiful box of these things. I mean, you can't beat these things. Delicious. Double the berries for just 10 bucks more, by the way. The offer expires midnight on Friday. We're in business with these dudes, so let's show them some love, but a great product. They always. They always send over a box, and somebody always takes it with them, by the way. And that's how you know it's good. It doesn't sit around here long. Call 866-FRUIT 02. That's 8-6-6-FRUIT 02, or go to berries.com that is B E R R I E S dot com. Click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in ace so they know where you heard it. Sherry's Berries. Good guys, good sponsors. God bless. Richard. Thank you very much for coming in.

[Richard Grieco]

Oh, my pleasure.

[Brian Bishop]

Gigolos Showtime. We don't have Coming back to Showtime, but we don't. Do we have times, dates, any of that stuff, or we can just look forward to it. Look forward to it. All right. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Richard Grieco, Alison Rosen, and Bo Bryan saying mahalo.

[Richard Grieco]

I don't think you can do monkey hormones today.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that was Adam Krola, show 814. The often referenced Richard Grieco, Adam Carolla, finally getting to talk to him in.

[Brian Bishop]

Person, go over his career.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming up next, we have adam Krilla, show 821, featuring the legendary Warren Littlefield.

[Brian Bishop]

Allison Rosen, and Brian bishop, also from 2012. Good to see Allison Rosen. Happy birthday.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you, Adam Carolla.

[Brian Bishop]

What are you gonna be doing to celebrate, sweetie?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm going to San Francisco, boyfriend, actually, so I'll be driving is what I'll be. Well, in the car while he's driving.

[Brian Bishop]

Beautiful town and a nice drive. Drive up there a lot. Ball. Bryan. No. Mm. I gotta say, the sunny ringtone is sweeping the nation. Everybody's into that. It's just a waste of my time. Crazy. Crazy cooking chick was blogging about it the other day or something.

[Adam Carolla]

My wife.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it could have been. Oh, my God. Could have been. I took the kids to the zoo today. I got to tell you, the la. It's just a waste of my time. Yeah. The LA zoo. I'll tell you what's more exotic than anything in the zoo are the people that are at the zoo. Yeah. Every first off, some of the scariest people on the planet go to the zoo. I don't know why. Maybe it's like the future, a kinship with the animals. Like looking at who. Yeah. And everybody has a tattoo now. And I'm talking about every animals all the animals, not the Jewish ones. All they. All they want to be buried in a, you know, Jewish toilet. The thing is though, seriously, like, chicks, I was just sat down for a minute and watched the chicks pass by. And they have the ones that are going around the ankles and the ones on the shoulders and the ones on the back of the neck and then weird mid thigh ones. And it's like, sweetie, who are you fucking kidding?

[Allison Rosen]

And if you can see those, imagine what they have in areas that you can't see.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And what do you think that's doing? There is no decision made based on you being inked up. That's either helping or hurting. It's a possible point deduction. It's like you sitting in a class where you know nothing of the subject and you decide to raise your hand. Nothing good could come of this. It lets us know that you're sort of maybe easy sexually. But now that everyone is tattooed, it's no longer even that message anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

What about someone, a woman maybe, or a guy, for example, he's like a four or a three or lower. But the tattoos increase their appeal to that crowd.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess there's something to it, but it's so weird. Like, I was.

[Adam Carolla]

You saw Kat Von D without all the makeup and all the tattoos, like, but with the tattoos you kind of got an edge, you know what I mean? The LA ink lady.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I think. See, I think Kat Von D is probably beautiful woman who would look really good if she wasn't. Oh, I don't know, maybe.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. No, I've seen they've taken camouflage makeup and covered her tattoos and she looks better. In my opinion.

[Brian Bishop]

I think she's infinitely more fuckable minus the ink, but that's maybe boring, but tell that to my cock and balls. Yeah, I'm looking at her now with her whatever covered up, and she looks pretty good. But also, just in general, just the idea that adults are making an aesthetic move at a very ripe old age. Like, I got my hair cut today. I went to the $10 Mexican lady barber. Model cuts. And there's a poor guy. Model cuts. There's a poor guy who's stuck there. And, you know, he's probably 52, 53, and he's trying to kind of hang on to that. He rides a Harley and this, that and the other, and he's cutting my hair and his jewelry's jingling his bracelets. I notice this oversized pirate skull ring that he took off that has to sit there because he can't work with the huge oversized chunk of pirate skull stuff on there. And he's got the jeans and the boots and the whole thing. And I realized he wasn't rocking this look 10 years ago. And then what happens at age 47 and a half, where you go, fuck, I gotta mix it up, man. I gotta get some pirate shit going on me. Like, I get some skulls and some shit happening and some jewelry, and this is gonna work. And then I walked in and said the same thing I always say is every time I walk into this place, it's this poor dude. There's another poor dude that's about his age, and then there's another dude that's about my age that's getting his hair cut. And then there's some chick that's so Asian, it goes beyond Asian who's doing some nails over in the corner.

[Allison Rosen]

Does it fold back around into something else?

[Brian Bishop]

It folds back around into something else. And they have. They have the fucking Rihanna and the, you know, Lady Gaga pumping. And I'm like, who here wants to listen to this? You have to stand here for nine hours a day. Do you want to hear this fucking shit? Older dude with the pirate jewelry? And he's always. His answer every time is like, I don't know what. And I'm like, this. This shitty music. You.

[Warren Littlefield]

You.

[Brian Bishop]

You live in a stew of shitty music. You work in a stew of shit music. What do you. This is what's playing. You're 53 and you have pirate jewelry on, right? What are we doing here? And he's like, I don't know. That's kind of the answer for almost everyone. It's. I just don't know. And then I got up to leave, and as I was paying, it's nice. You can be generous, because it's really the only place where you can get a $10 haircut and tip the guy and just pay him 20 bucks and go, fuck. I just doubled it with my tip. It's also one of these things. It's also one of these places, too. You know, they got a certain breed of clientele. When they go, every once in a while, I forget my cash and I pull out my credit card and they go, it's. It's a dollar more. Is that okay? And I go, yeah, yeah, it's okay. It's okay. You can charge me a dollar for the credit. It's a $10 haircut now. It's an $11 haircut. It's 1966 prices on haircuts now. You kicked it up to 1967. That's all it was.

[Adam Carolla]

What's worse? That or the. Oh, it's a $15 minimum. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, don't care. Don't care. But ideas they thought would be devastating to me, that it would be a dollar on my credit card is precious. And so I always kick the guy a little tip. But right as I'm leaving, first three licks of American Woman by Lenny Kravitz kick in. And I just stop at the door like a crazed old man and announce, everybody, enjoy your Lenny Kravitz. Enjoy the majesty that is Lenny Kravitz. Enjoy. Enjoy this. And I don't know if this was playing when you bought the building. And then there's some sort of fetch some federal mandate that says you have to sit here and listen to it. I just wonder what everyone's fucking thinking these days. Like, why doesn't. Why don't people go, what are we doing? Why are we listening to this? Why don't we fucking go change the channel? We work here. Fuck cares? No one's dancing. No one's rocking out.

[Allison Rosen]

There's nothing like bystander apathy if no one knows actually how to change it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's a lot of. There's a lot of, like, hey, man, this shows we're hip and we're having a party. And I'm like, well, you got $10 haircuts and pictures from the 80s of models that have all been claimed by AIDS. So that says there ain't a party going on.

[Allison Rosen]

And I don't see playing like, aha or Wham.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And I don't see anyone dancing in this place. They sit here for 14 minutes, they get a haircut and they leave. We don't need to fucking get our. Get our swerve on the other thing. So then I picked up a magazine. I told Matt to try to find it, but I can't remember. It's one of those fucking Poison Poison magazines, like Us or them or it or, you know, and it's all those magazines that have Kardashians baby bump. These two are getting back together. These two are breaking up or whatever it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Touch Weekly, it could be Life and Style.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, it's all one of those things. And this wasn't it, but it was close enough. And it was Kris Humphries and it was Kim Kardashian and It's basically her $7 million choice. Either pay him off or suffer the humiliation. And I was just sort of looking at it like, he's got some news about the Kardashians and how they cook the show, and he's gonna let it leak and she's gonna be humiliated. And I thought, last time I checked, she was sucking some black cock on the Internet. I think she's sufficiently humiliated. Like I thought, what's really what after having footage of you just fucking on the Internet, really, where do you go from there in terms of humiliation?

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I'm saying? Do we really think there's. She's gonna be brought down to earth. What do we think of Kim Kardashian? And if the Ray J video's not enough to do it, what is?

[Adam Carolla]

Much like how OJ probably legitimately thinks he's innocent now. He probably has brainwashed himself over the years to think he's innocent. Do you think if you ask Kim Kardashian, how did you get famous? How did you first get famous? She would say philanthropist or. You know what I mean? She wouldn't acknowledge the Ray J thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sure she would not listen. Look, if you asked Monica Lewinsky why she was famous, she'd say it was her handbags. I mean, honestly, she are lovely. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I mean, and her hosting.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how it works. So anyway, took the kids to the zoo and saw the freak show at the zoo. I had Natalia. Natalia has to. She looks at me as more pony than dad or maybe mule, because immediately, Dad, I need up. I need to get on his shoulders. I need on his shoulders. And then she said, all right, so we're walking, and it's a labyrinth of paths. You can go right or left or straight ahead. The hippos to the right and the giraffes are to the left, and the elephants are straight ahead. And I've never gone there, thankfully.

[Allison Rosen]

Which zoo is this?

[Brian Bishop]

Cincinnati.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

The one in Los Angeles. Close. We only got one, I think.

[Allison Rosen]

See, I didn't know that's how unzoo I am.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Are you unzooing?

[Allison Rosen]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

It's actually not a bad zoo, except for the people are scary. But we're walking, she's got her hand under my chin, and she's doing this move where she's steering me in the past. She wants me to go like her.

[Adam Carolla]

Arms are the yoke.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And I'm pretending that I'm confused sometimes. And she'll pull me around. She's kind of riding me like a segue. She's kind of leaning one way every once in a while. I over rotate, and then she pulls back the other way and starts pulling me back. That dude is yoked. Then we got into a huge argument over whether they should get gifts or not. And I was like, no, you're not getting any toys. And they're like, why not? And they're like, you don't. Because you don't get. I said, you have a house filled with toys. Your birthday is coming up. You're gonna get even more toys. They have toys that are unopened. They have piles of shit just all over the place. This fucking china has opened up some sort of.

[Officer Fox]

Of.

[Brian Bishop]

Some sort of just flume of toys that just super cheap, colorful shit that just comes pouring into everyone's house. It doesn't cost anything anymore, and they're buried in it. And what happens is, like, my parents didn't have any friends. They were smart. They didn't have any fucking friends. And the ones they had didn't have a fucking nickel. I have a bunch of friends, and they have a bunch of money. And so when the presents come around, like, when the birthdays come around, they all have to kick it in, and they get really nice shit. And people. Next thing you know, there's a bunch of castles and shit showing up up at the house. And it's a. It's cheap, so you can get your friend's kid a decent gift for 18 to 25 bucks. It's no big deal, but it's fucking. You can get them anything you want. And so the house is just filled top to bottom with their shit. And I'm like, no, you don't get a gift every time you leave the house. You don't get one. And they're like, but why we want. Mommy says, you know, just a small. And I said, no. And I said, look, go play with. You have a bunch of gifts at home, and you don't play with any of your toys. And she was like, Cause they're old. I need a new one. She's like a fucking toy vampire. She needs fresh blood, like, all the time.

[Allison Rosen]

She's like a melda of toys.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. She's a Marcos. Yeah. She can't. She's a bottomless well of toys that can never be. Yeah. Can never. Can never be filled. And I was like, no, we're going past the gift. Cause they put that fucking gift shop right at the end. So all the paths leading to that gift shop. So we're. No, we're not. Oh, they're both fucking devastated. And then it just makes you a douche. And then they pout. And then half your. You know what? I gotta say this. They shouldn't even sell shit at those places. Because I swear to God, half the fucking conversation is, are we gonna get a toy? No, Mommy gets us a toy. No toys. Why can't we get a toy? Because we're not getting a toy. You don't get a toy. What about a small toy? Hey, listen, if you bring it up again, if you bring up toys again, no toys for your birthday. What about a small one? No, you don't. You can't. Mommy would get. Call Mommy. It's like, it's. We end up really. We went to the zoo and argued over fucking toys like, the entire fucking time. And then I had to do that thing where I'd rather just give them both 20 bucks and keep walking rather than cave because I don't want to cave. But there's just shit everywhere. And they're trained that when they leave the house, they get it. When they go to school, they get shit. When they go to another kid's party, they get the bat, they get the bag full of shit. They just get shit all the time everywhere. How much shit did we get as kids? I just feel like there was, like, Christmas and your birthday, and that was pretty much it. Like, you understood when you went to another kid's birthday, you didn't come home with a wagon full of shit. It was their birthday. And, you know, there was a lot of, like, oh, man, Tommy got Electronic Battleship. It was pretty bitching. You know, there's, like, a lot of stuff about what he got. And then when your birthday comes around, here's what I want. These kids are just getting, like, DVDs and action figures all fucking year round, and it's all, like, free. It just. It just all just comes piling in.

[Allison Rosen]

I share a mortifying story from my childhood.

[Brian Bishop]

Please.

[Allison Rosen]

I went to this boy's birthday party, and I feel like I was invited late or so. There was something late about it. So that. I mean, I was. At this point, I wasn't shopping myself, but we, for some reason, like, we sort of cobbled together a gift. And anyway, the gift that I gave him was the exact same thing as what he gave as a party favor. Isn't that embarrassing? And you want to know what it was? It was that magic sand. Do you remember that? It was like you'd.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, it came in three different colors. It looked like a little genies lamp thing, and you poured it, and then.

[Brian Bishop]

It made little castles so goddamn sad. Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

And again, the party couldn't show my face for days.

[Brian Bishop]

The party favors, you know, the ice Cream cake and you hanging out and you getting to fuck around with the clown or the cowboy or, or hit the pinata or whatever. That's the party favor. Like I would go to other kids parties just like, hey, man, free cake. I'm in. We got some free cake. We got some noise makers. They got a guy in a cowboy outfit and he's making shit out of balloons. Good enough for me.

[Allison Rosen]

Do they still have those for kids birthday parties? Do they still have some bitch who comes and plays auto harp?

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, if my kid go to a party and make my kid. Did. We did have, we did have. Like I said at my kids last party, we had Iron man and then we had like one of the princesses. And the Iron man was a dude that was like, he was like Rudy from the movie Rudy. He was just like short, stocky and sweating like right through the top of that thing. And, and it's just working his ass off. And the princess was just basically a hot out of work actress. And you know, I always say, hot chicks don't dance. Like, she showed up as Cinderella. She was supposed to stay an hour. She stayed 47 minutes. You know, she sort of looked around, hi, kids. And then at some point, you know, she was a hot 24 year old, wanted to get the fuck out of there, you know what I mean? This guy was in his Iron man outfit, was there for two hours. He's like, I'm Iron Man. Look out, cancer. I'm coming out. You know, he's fucking sweating his ass off for like two hours. There's me and him. At a certain point, he went outside and pulled his hood, vomited everywhere, pulled his hood off. And he's just literally doused with sweat, just dripping sweat, you know. And I said, I fucking love dudes. I love a short dude who's busting his ass instead of a hot lazy chick. And he came up to me and he said, you know where I got this outfit? And I said, you made it. Which I now realize is insulting. Yeah, I said, you made it. And he said, nope, got it on Amazon. And I went, good for you. And he said, I clicked through your site and I went, all right, Iron Man.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm surprised he doesn't work here.

[Brian Bishop]

We had a moment.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a staff Iron Man.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Chris.

[Brian Bishop]

He's coming back. He's coming back this year. All right. So I walked the kids around and we looked at a bunch of animals, mostly sleeping or in a cave. They're normally sleeping or in a cave. Natalia had a Good time. Sunny was pissed off.

[Adam Carolla]

Never feeding time.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's never.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never feeding time.

[Brian Bishop]

It's never feeding time. And Natalia was. Sunny was pissed because we didn't get to go to the reptile hut or whatever it was because the fucking place was closing.

[Adam Carolla]

Reptile hut rules.

[Brian Bishop]

It does. But the place closes at 5 and we didn't get there until like 3 o', clock, which is the way to do it secretly. All right, a little news. We'll get Warren Littlefield in here first. Let me tell you Mother's day this Sunday.

[Allison Rosen]

Whoo.

[Brian Bishop]

I wish it was every day.

[Adam Carolla]

Some might say it is.

[Allison Rosen]

And don't forget women in his life.

[Brian Bishop]

Do not forget the wife and the grandmother and the sister and the mother in law, too. Oh, you got to take care of all the ladies. A dozen rainbow roses, plus the free glass vase. Only $19.99. Beautiful. Beautiful. Pro flowers. You can upgrade. Get a dozen more roses and chocolates. Just another 10 bucks. It's a lesson of her rose. You would think I would.

[Adam Carolla]

I just thought that.

[Brian Bishop]

No, nay. It's ten bucks for another dozen. And the chocolates, too. Order now. You have them delivered in time for mother's day. But you gotta move fast, baby. 800 ProFlowers. 800 ProFlowers. Or visit them online ProFlowers.com, click on the microphone. Enter AceProFlowers.com all right, let's get a little news in before we bring in Warren Littlefield. The news with Allison Rosenberg. Read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

So Biden has evidently apologized to Obama for putting him in a tough spot.

[Adam Carolla]

The last four years.

[Allison Rosen]

Obama said in an interview that aired Thursday on ABC that he made his decision public. His decision about gay marriage. His evolution of his decision earlier than he had planned because of the controversy stirred by Biden's weekend remark that he, Obama, was absolutely comfortable with letting gays and lesbians marry. So senior administrative administration officials who did not want to be named said that Wednesday morning, Biden apologized to Obama.

[Warren Littlefield]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like as a vice president, all you can do is fucking up.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like being a tough position.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like being a mover. You can just fuck things up. No one ever goes, who put that end table there? It's always like, where do you get the chip on the fucking thing? Fucking movers guy was getting out of the van, his fucking cell phone rang and he banged it right into the side of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, see, a Biden spokeswoman said Obama has been the leader on this issue from day one. And the vice president never intended to distract from that. So you have to be the ultimate wingman if you're the vice president.

[Brian Bishop]

There's nothing I don't feel like there's anything. I'm sure there's something these guys do, but there's nothing that we ever know that they do. And we never go like.

[Allison Rosen]

They just avoid getting in trouble. Ideally, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all you can do. You can't put your foot in your mouth and that's about it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know who's got it bad is the vice president's publicist.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All they have to do is apologize. There's no. Hey, more good news today. Nothing happened.

[Brian Bishop]

All anyone ever does is they go, give me an example of a really kick ass vice president over the last hundred years. You're like, well, Dan Quayle was an ass. You're like, kick ass. I want a good one. That Dan Quayle was a douchebag. He couldn't even spell the opposite of Dan Quayle.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, we established he's terrible.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone good? Average to above average. I'll take it.

[Brian Bishop]

Dan Quayle was a joke, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like we've been over this grill.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, Is there anyone that people are like, what an amazing vice president he was?

[Brian Bishop]

No. No. And then every once in a while there was like, Ford. And then Ford got kind of thrown into the fire. And then everyone's like, decided he wasn't like, that's what. He didn't even want to be president. I don't think I know what happened. Nixon got tossed. And then Ford stepped in for 10 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

He took over for Spiro Agnew.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

As vice president. He was not even elected vice president. I'm 90% sure.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't even know that.

[Adam Carolla]

And then ended up becoming president, obviously.

[Brian Bishop]

The point is, this is. I don't know why we have this gig. It's loose. All you can do is fuck up. And if you saw this, you look at this picture that we're looking at, it looks like Biden looks like a central casting presidential politician. He really. All those movies from the early 90s when some, you know, when they go, Mr. President, we need those launch codes, like, he would be that guy. So if you saw this picture just 10 years ago and you're like, one of these guys is the President, you'd fucking Freak out if I said the black dude on the right's the president, that guy sucking hind tit, the guy to his left. Wouldn't you? Because he just. Oh, it looks like the president. And what is that guy? Some war secret service? Secret service. Or is there some guy who came up who is getting a purple heart or something? Or some battalion leader or diplomat? Oh yeah, what country's he represent?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, probably not Italy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, probably not Italy. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, in terms of thankless jobs, what else is up there with vice president? Mover, you said?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, mover. There are jobs where you can only. It's kind of like school bus driver. You only make the news if you fuck up. I mean, you could drive a school bus for 50 years.

[Allison Rosen]

Never postal employee.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you can never get into an accident. You could deliver every single kid safely and on time. And people just kind of think of you as a loser, you know? Like, I guess whatever career you're thinking about first didn't work out.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Like that's about it. It's lose, lose. Every once in a while you have a little cough syrup and you doze off at the wheel and everyone makes a big deal out of it just because you bounced off the side of a semi truck.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

You know? Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's not a good right. Bus drive, any kind of bus, any kind of piloting of a vehicle is pretty much lose, lose.

[Allison Rosen]

What about being a waiter, a piloting of someone's food? Because I feel like even it's pretty rare that people are like, what a great waiter.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, here's the thing about waiter. If you're a hot chick and you get a bunch of nice tips and you don't really have to do that much, or you work at a really good restaurant and you make a bunch of money, then fuck it. I mean, like I said, I was always pissed off at the fact that I drove a fully loaded pickup truck with a lumber rack and a bed box and I was reading plans and my had $2,000 worth of tools that would get ripped off and all that kind of shit. And I was making like 15 bucks an hour. When I was a contractor and I knew waiters and bartenders and waitresses, they just, they'd go on a four or five hour shift and come home with like a handful of twenties, like 230 bucks worth of cash. I was like, you're making $56 an hour and you don't have to report it to the fucking government. And oh, by the way, you hung out and did Shots with one of the guys from the Doobie Brothers.

[Allison Rosen]

Then someone paid you cocaine and cash.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And you had a flat screen TV with the game on behind you the entire time.

[Allison Rosen]

And you're pushing the chicks away.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes. Yeah. So fuck waiters, I have to say. And server again. It's funny because it came up on Dennis Prager and I did a show, by the way, on sale as we speak on my website. We did a show in San Diego and he said, server's a weird downgrade. Like it sounds so much worse. Yeah, I feel like. And I said to him, I understand why we went from cockpit to flight deck like that. I get. But going from server or going from waiter to server is just one of those things where. When people are in a. Here's what happens. And this is where we've gone wrong as a society. We've all decided that people who don't have much power get a certain amount of power back by correcting you see, there's always correcting someone makes you. Puts you in a position of power. So if you go, it's not Ryan.

[Allison Rosen]

With a I, it's with a yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison with one L. Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Or yes. People spell their names in a retarded way. They get to correct people all the time. No. And it's that same thing. It's not rape victim, it's rape survivor. It's that kind of thing. It's why all the nationalities that aren't doing very well, well, change it up every 10 years to correct you and fuck you up. Cuz you're doing well. People that are doing well, not giving people fucking Salisbury steak for a living and not living on reservations and going off of pai gow poker. Nationalities are doing all right. They don't need to change it up that often. Let that just be a lesson to you. Find me someone who's doing good, who's changing it up all the time. Spelling of names, how you dress them, what they're called, what their nationality is, whatever it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Even Al Qaeda wanted to rebrand itself.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird when the PC term, the PC alternative, like I said, like midget wanted to be called little people. And it's like, that sounds worse.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it strikes me a little. It feels condescending. And server feels like, when you're done bringing those cocktails, how about you wash my feet, baby?

[Adam Carolla]

How about you service me?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, how about a little something, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It can't be servant, though.

[Warren Littlefield]

It's.

[Brian Bishop]

So anyway, it says, my culture, my sex, my Group, my employment. Whatever it is, it says I'm not doing well, so thus, I'm gonna try to get some juice by correcting you. That's it. All of it. Except for cockpit. That was just one of those things where people tired of people saying cock.

[Allison Rosen]

See? And I like cockpit.

[Brian Bishop]

And I feel like we need to.

[Allison Rosen]

Take it back and make it mean something else.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd like to storm the cockpit too.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm gonna call my purse a cockpit. Doesn't make sense. But that's just what I'm gonna call it. I don't like when salespeople are referred to as cast members. Like at the Disney store. I don't know if that still exists, but they used to call them that. Or I feel like perhaps Rainforest Cafe would have some kind of cute name.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't even like. I don't like team members here. Oh, you guys. You guys are somewhere between glorified Goomber and what's his nose.

[Allison Rosen]

I like a what's his nuts from time to time. Yeah, I would keep that in my cockpit.

[Brian Bishop]

I try not even to know the name of the people I work.

[Allison Rosen]

You do.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, good job so far. Thank you. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

So Time magazine has a woman on the COVID who's breastfeeding her three year old and people are freaking out about this. And it's a story about attachment parenting, which is a philosophy designed to foster a secure bond to the child co sleeping or the family bed and breastfeeding. Yeah, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

They're breastfeeding in a truck in the parking lot, by the way, right next to my car. And I caught a look today. I did that thing where I was getting the kids in the car and the car next to me was filled up with people breastfeeding?

[Allison Rosen]

How many?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it felt like at least a gaggle.

[Adam Carolla]

The milkmobile.

[Brian Bishop]

No, seriously. It was a Mazda pickup truck. Thankfully extended cab. And the chick was like, in the back just doing the full breastfeed. And I guess she didn't expect me. And I just came walking up to my car and I turned around to open the door for an Italian. I was just staring down the barrel of a boob. Definitely not a Jew. I didn't know what to do. I just put my head down real fast. You ever do that thing where I.

[Allison Rosen]

Think you're allowed to look but it probably makes you feel weird?

[Adam Carolla]

It's rude not to look.

[Brian Bishop]

You ever do a thing where you're in a parking lot and it's like there's nobody else around and it's pretty much empty? And you're going to get in your car and then you notice a guy getting into the car and it's the one right next to you and he opens the door and you have to kind of wait and you're like uncomfortable. All the fucking cars in this parking lot and it's empty. You gotta fucking climb in the one and you gotta have some sort of conversation while the doors open with the person over the thing. So yeah, there was, there was boobage afoot in the car next to mine. I just looked down and kept, kept moving. I. Whether it's the pregnant chick on the COVID or now the breastfeeding thing on the COVID we're just kind of fucking around, right? Like we're trying to shock everyone into talking about something, into whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, she's a strong, hot woman. She's 26. She's a mommy blogger. Her name is Jamie Lynn Grummet or Groomette. And evidently her own website crashed today. Is that her? No, this is two different people. But there's a thumbs up. One of them must be her and. Or maybe they're both her. But anyway, her website crashed today because so many people went to look at it and, and there's a photo on there of her breastfeeding her 5 year old and her 3 year old at the same time. Yeah, but I wonder what people's reaction would be if this was not an attractive woman feeding their kid on the COVID But anyway, people are just disgusted by this and I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, you know, here's the thing, okay? Listen, I'm an atheist who peed on my friends all through high school. So I don't have a delicate sensibility at all. At all. I just feel like some things are sort of personal and I don't want to see them. Like, I don't want the big fat slob from the Biggest Loser with a shirt off and the big man nipples and the fucking huge dude D cups standing on the scale, tipping it at £680 while I'm eating. Like, I don't want to see that dude with a shirt off. I don't, I don't want to see people vomiting. Like, I don't want to turn on a Survivor or TMZ or something and see someone outside of a club just yakking into it. It's not, oh my God, you're so uptight. You're such a Christian. You're a Puritan or Quaker Shaker. It's more like, I just, it's too personal for me. I don't feel like seeing it. When someone is pregnant, God bless them, it's beautiful. I don't need to see it. I get it. The octomom's belly thing. I feel like it'll just pop up all the time in random shows like, hey, it's octomom and stuff. It's like, ah, come on. I don't. It's too intimate for me. It's like, I don't, I don't. It's like, you ever hear a couple, you ever, like, ever standing too close to a couple that's really fucking getting into it, like, argument wise, and you're in line at a fucking supermarket and you can hear the super snarkiness going back and forth and it's like, listen, I like to argue. I'm a dick to my wife. I get it, I get it. But you know what? This is too intimate for me. This is too close for me. I don't want to be a part of this. I feel like I'm on the really.

[Allison Rosen]

Conspicuous because they seem to not notice, but if they were normal, they would notice that you're right there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. So when it comes to, like the breastfeeding, fine, do it. You know, just find a nice bunker, a nice windowless bunker and put a blanket over your head and go to town. I'm not judging. Find an intimate root cellar in Plentywood, Montana. Wait till after the street lights come on. Put a burlap sack over you and your youngin and feed away.

[Allison Rosen]

You should be the spokesperson for the La Leche League, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I just saying, like, I don't want to see the pictures of it. Also, I don't want to confuse my cock and balls. You know what I mean? It's very confusing. You know, I got my dick looking at me making a scooby sound, you know. No, no, no, don't beat off to that. Don't beat off to that. Why not? I see some boobies. Don't do it. It's confusing, these mixed messages. Well, we are, let's face it, that's your penis dialogue. We're doing this. Paul Bryan playing the part of my penis. I'm saying this finally, the role I.

[Adam Carolla]

Was born to play.

[Brian Bishop]

The reason we're talking about it and the reason it's controversial is because there's a sort of intimate sexual aspect to it. Let's face it, a personal, sexual, sexual. Well, okay, we're looking at boobies. Okay, we're looking at the baby bump that's protruding with the boobies over the top. And oh, she's nude and she's covering her booby, but she's showing that. Shut the fuck up. Like, what are we doing? Like, what message are we trying to send? And again, you want a guy beaten off to it, or don't you want a guy beaten off to it? If you don't want him beaten off to it, then put some fucking shorts on. Like, what are you naked for Then? I don't get it. And this whole thing where it's like, oh, it's so beautiful. That bullshit argument of I'm pregnant, it's so beautiful. And that's why Demi Moore needs to be on the COVID or what's her name needs to be on the COVID of Simpson. Jessica Simpson needs to be. It's right up there with the assholes who go, oh, man. Yeah, I go to the nudist camp because I find dolphin shorts so confining. And I like to play volleyball. And nudes, shut the fuck up.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe it's like how women dress like a slutty whatever for Halloween. It's sort of like a freebie to be scantily clad. Pregnancy is nine months of freebie nudity. Sort of.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you what it is. We're living in a society where everyone is trying to get a reaction out of people. And then once we react to it, then you'll get to be victimized, and then you'll get to raise a stand. Nobody I know, and no reasonable person has a problem with breastfeeding at all. But you can go and do it in a way like you do anything. And here's the problem. We do a lot of things that we don't want other people to see. You know what I'm saying? And we can easily do it. Guys, piss everywhere. I'm pissing now. Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm changing a tampon right now. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian, what are you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, buddy. I was doing a drop.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry, man.

[Brian Bishop]

You're taking a shit. So he's shitting.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm taking a piss, and I'm changing a table. No.

[Allison Rosen]

And all of our hands are where everyone can see them.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, here's the deal. Here's the deal. People go, like, all right, you can pick your nose. You pick your nose, but you don't do it in front of other people. And then other people would. Other people would go, thank you. And then other people would go, oh, so you're equating this to something shameful and dirty, like picking your nose? No, there's nothing shameful about Picking your nose. It's just the kind of thing that you don't really want other people seeing you do, yet we all know you do it. And there's ways of pulling the underwear out of your crack of your ass. There's ways of doing lots of little intimate things in life without other people being privy to it. Or if they do, it's like this. How many guys have been at a rock concert or whatever, the fucking line's been around the block and they go take a piss, but they find a fucking shrub and they turn their back to the other people that are waiting in line and they take a piss. Okay, it's not dirty, it's not shameful, but do they just stand there and put their cock out toward the throngs of people and take a piss? No, they kind of turn the back and look, no one is so uptight where like, hey, I saw that dude's back and was taking a piss. But if you turned around and I saw you taking a piss, then it'd be a big deal. And it's not like, oh, well, wait a minute. This is beautiful. And that's natural. Well, maybe taking a piss is natural and beautiful, too. So what's the big whoop? So you get a little fucking shawl and you kind of turn your back a little corner, and that's it, all right? And we don't. And this is all just to get a rise out of everyone. And then we spark some sort of debate. And I really do think whether it's. I honestly think whether it's gay or whether it's pot or whether it's breastfeeding. We don't give a shit nearly as much as we act like we give a shit. Race, that's another thing we don't give a shit about. We never stop talking about it. We never stop. We prod each other constantly with this, hey, let's talk about race. Hey, let's talk about being gay. Hey, let's talk about pot. Hey, let's talk about breastfeeding. Hey, let's talk about pregnancy. But you know what? Most people are like, who gives a shit? Do you know anybody? And we always do a thing where we go, well, sure, we don't know anybody, but the middle of the country is filled with people who can't stand black, people who breastfeed who may be gay. Like, no, no one really gives a shit. It's just when it gets shoved in your face, you have a reaction. So let's knock it off.

[Allison Rosen]

So in honor of mother's Day. And in honor of the fact that what to Expect when youn're Expecting, the movie is coming out, and now that movie is coming out May 18, and that is called what to Expect when youn're Expecting, which is based on the, like, pregnancy Bible or whatever, what to Expect when youn're Expecting, which. So a bazillion copies. Now. I have a fake pregnancy memoir, which I've been working on for a while now.

[Adam Carolla]

It's preemptive.

[Brian Bishop]

It's preemptive. I said come out.

[Allison Rosen]

Fake is wrong. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

With one before you get pregnant, it'll be much easier to write. It won't be all swollen.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly. Because once you're pregnant and once you have a kid, when the hell are you going to have time to write your memoir? Yeah. So that's why I'm writing it ahead of time. And mine is called what I'd Expect if I Were Expecting. But a lot of people have been tweeting me saying, oh, my God, they stole your title. Are they making your book into a movie? Blah, blah, blah. And I don't respond. I just let them think, yes, that is what's happening. But no, mine is a parody of that. And I have a chapter.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, tampon back.

[Warren Littlefield]

Or.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's finally happened. I am truly all alone until the baby comes. I had to quit talking to Marie because she just wouldn't stop giving me grief about all the things that could go wrong. What if the baby comes too early? What if it comes too late? What if it has 10 fingers and 10 toes, but they're in the wrong order? How will the baby high five with an index thumb? What if it's a hermaphrodite? What if you die in childbirth? What if you have a flipper baby? A flipper baby. I yelled urine dribbling down my thighs. Have some GD Respect. I would never have sex with a dolphin, and I think you know that. Then she left and I unfold her on Facebook and I'm not even thinking about it. Except for right now a little bit. And frankly, I'm still mad. Upcoming chapters include. Help. I just coughed up my mucus plug. Nipple discharge. Utterly nutritious. That's udder U D D E R. Yeah, and I'm widdle and baby talk or speech impediment.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, Baby, don't take such a vacation with. You know it's my favorite.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, I'll get back to work on it.

[Brian Bishop]

Warren Littlefield is the brains behind oh, Seinfeld, Friends, Cheers, the Cosby Show. He was at the helm during all those shows, the heyday. He's written a book. I want to talk to him. I want to go real fast because there's a cop on the line who heard me say a bunch of horrible things about cops yesterday. And there's also someone on the line who cheated and Warren's been hanging out. So I want. I want to go as fast as I can, but I don't want to lose this guy. Chris from Alabama.

[Officer Fox]

Hey, get it on.

[Brian Bishop]

Get it on. You're a cop.

[Officer Fox]

Law enforcement.

[Brian Bishop]

Professional law enforcement. And I was explaining about cops yesterday. Can you enlighten me?

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, you were pretty right on. In fact, I worked with several guys that were exactly how you explained. Guys that wanted to go write tickets in the upper middle class part of town because those people could afford to pay him. Guys who look for any reason to get in a fight, you know, And I just. I think I used to work at the sheriff's office, if you remember the news story several months ago where they set up the child support sting with the football tickets.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yes, I always love those. Yeah, it works best with Raiders fans, but whatever.

[Officer Fox]

Yeah, well, Alabama fans, Raiders fans, about the same. But yeah, I used to work there and I wanted to tell you, too, I love the show. And a lot of what you said, it just really resonates with me. I listen to you every day and I'm actually starting law school in the fall and kind of got. I got a little of that extra push. Just listen to some of the motivational kind of things that you say about maximizing your potential and really getting the most out of what you have. So I appreciate that.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, Chris. I appreciate the comment. And again, we'll go quickly. Hey, Ryan. Yeah. You found out today your wife's been cheating on you.

[Officer Fox]

I did.

[Brian Bishop]

How long has she been cheating on you?

[Officer Fox]

I think for like two months now.

[Brian Bishop]

How'd you find out?

[Officer Fox]

Well, I've been suspecting for a while. She's been like, coming home and just.

[Brian Bishop]

Going straight to hang out with her.

[Officer Fox]

Friend and comes home at like midnight or whatever and pretty easy going, so I just kind of rolled with it. But. But she'd put on makeup and perfume and all that kind of stuff and get all dolled up. I went on the iPad that we bought for each other's wedding presents and all her message history with that chick was still on there. She was going over there. But she's also going over to see the dude's husband, too. They got a swinging thing going on.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? It's almost Jackable. Do you have any kids? Do you have any kids?

[Officer Fox]

No. She's been talking about wanting to have kids for a while, and I've been kind of hesitant and I'm like, good thing we didn't.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, Ryan, here's the thing. If she's swinging with the couple, she has some serious issues. And it's not like, hey, she's just free with her sexuality and exploring. There's some deep seated issues. God knows where daddy is and God knows what her past was like. I don't want to know. I'm sure you know much more than I know, but you probably know this is striking a chord, right? There's issues.

[Officer Fox]

I guess I just wanted to know the proper way to approach her because do I just say, hey, I was snooping around on your Facebook and saw.

[Brian Bishop]

The shit, or do I kind of okay about it or what? Here's what I say. First off, this thing where it's like, where people get on the offense who should be on the defense. Fuck that. If you've been acting suspiciously. We just had a cop on the line. If you pull the guy over and the guy was sweating profusely and acting nervous and smelled like weed, and the cop said, pop your trunk. And the guy. And you found a pillowcase full of weed in there. And the guy went, what? You got no business? No, no, no. That's on you. That's on you. You acted suspiciously. You gave this guy reason to think that you were cheating. And guess what? You were cheating. So you can come out and say it any way you want. You can say, say, snooping around is fine. If someone gives you a reason to snoop around, you basically just checking someone's phone for no good reason is way out of line. If they give you plenty of reason, then that's fine, number one. Number two, this chick's nutty. There's going to be problems. And I say the same, thank Christ you don't have any kids. And I say, no kids and sort of youngish, not a whole bunch of assets to bust up. Fuck it, move on, you made a mistake. Half the people I know get divorced. Fuck it. This is your first one you got under your belt.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm glad you found out now.

[Brian Bishop]

And the thing is, I would say, or, you have to be able to forgive her and move on. But if you don't think you can, fuck it. But the fact that she's swinging with the couple suggest that. And again, I only know this from doing Loveline for what felt like 30 years. There's issues. These issues don't go away and don't have any kids. Move on. And bullet dodged. All right, Warren Littlefield, the Rise and Fall of Must See tv. He'll be in next. We're back with Warren Littlefield, former NBC president of NBC Entertainment and author of the new book Top of the Inside the Rise and Fall of Must See tv. You can get it at Amazon. And again, if you're going to Amazon, go to AdamKroll.com and click through the Amazon banner. Keep the pirate ship afloat. Good to see you, Warren.

[Warren Littlefield]

Hey, it's great to be here. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Warren pulled in right when I pulled in, and he was driving a super cool car, and it was just a Porsche Panamera. You know, I've spoken about that car before.

[Allison Rosen]

Didn't you take one on a road trip? Yeah. And you bought a radar detector.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I did. Because I don't like the man.

[Warren Littlefield]

Wise man.

[Brian Bishop]

And also, that's a car where you go 90 miles an hour and it feels like nothing.

[Warren Littlefield]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

It's sweet, the cars. Like, you know, back in the day when a car was going 90, the wind was whistling through the windows to wheel, there were bugs in your teeth.

[Allison Rosen]

Even though all the windows were up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. I mean, it's like you were hanging. It was like we were hanging on for dear life. And now you're just sitting there in your climate controlled rocket ship. And that's why everyone's getting all the chicken shit tickets, because cars fly, you don't feel it, and the cops are sitting there with the radar detectors.

[Warren Littlefield]

Okay, but here's what pisses me off.

[Brian Bishop]

Go, buddy.

[Warren Littlefield]

You look at that front end of that car.

[Brian Bishop]

It is sweet.

[Warren Littlefield]

Okay, so you think I'm gonna put the license plate on the front of that car? And so how long did it take Adam for me to get that fucking fix it ticket?

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, you go. You go. I can help you with this. I look at him, I look at.

[Warren Littlefield]

The officer and I go, come on, we are looking at the front of this car. Stare at it. Do you really want me to put a plate in the middle of that nose? And he goes, oh, man, I agree with you. This is beautiful. And I go, and yet I have to write. You're gonna make me write this up?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, let's get into this because I have many, many feelings about this, I'm sure. Couple of things. It's like taking a Stealth fighter and putting a big nose and glasses on the front of it. It is fucking disgusting. It's horrible. These cars were designed also. We Never stopped talking about fuel efficiency and saving oil and mother Earth and greenhouse emergency effects and all that stuff. I am telling you, the collective, we are probably going through a million barrels a year because people are putting front license plates on the front of their cars, which are just tested in a wind tunnel to cheat the wind. And then all of a sudden you take something the size of a toaster oven and you put it flat. I mean, Corvettes, Porsches, I had a BMW M3, I had a Z Cart 350Z, all the same thing. They have these beautifully sculpted front ends. And you put this big flat, square thing on the front, which A, looks like shit. And then B, just interrupts whatever kind of aerodynamic, whatever this thing was tested in, it fucks things up badly. And when they mount it, they'll oftentimes just take like wood screws and put holes in your bumper. Like they just. It's not like there's any mounting surface for that. The Germans went, fuck this, you're not fucking up the front of our car. And so when you take it to the dealer, they'll just take like sheet metal screws and go right into the plastic of the front of your car.

[Warren Littlefield]

I beat their ass though.

[Brian Bishop]

Good. Let's hear it.

[Warren Littlefield]

I went to my dealer and I said, we're gonna beat this, right? And he said, well, let me tell you what we do with the car shows. We used this two sided tape, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

And we stuck it on with two sided tape. We put the little frame on and everything so no drilling at em, all right? And so they said, go right over to the, to the police precinct over here in Pasadena, right? I said, yeah, great.

[Brian Bishop]

Get it signed off.

[Warren Littlefield]

I big, big guy comes up to the counter, says, can I help you? And I said, yeah, you know, I just want you to check, check off my fix it ticket. And he hands it to the little guy, okay? The skinny little wimpy guy comes out and he goes, you put this on with tape? He totally busted my ass. I was like, I'm going to Burback, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Smart.

[Warren Littlefield]

I went to Burbank. They were righteous. They let me fly by. That was it. Fix it.

[Brian Bishop]

Check it off, pull it off.

[Warren Littlefield]

$20. And the moment I left that station.

[Brian Bishop]

Pop got another ticket. No, no, I pulled it right off.

[Warren Littlefield]

I pulled it off. My front end is sweet.

[Brian Bishop]

It is sweet. And it again, it's like taking, you know, the Mona Lisa and just putting a big carbuncle on her nose. Look, the front end of that car. So beautiful. I'll give you My tip. Here's my tip. I always put. Now it confuses people and I'll try to explain it. And I have a picture of my car. The proudest moment of my life. A lot of people talk about the birth of their kids and nonsense like that. No, the real pride is this. I leave the cardboard dealer plate on the back of the car. I leased an Audi for four years. I had the cardboard dealer plate on the back of that fucking car for four years. When I turned it in, I took a picture of me turning in. Now here's the deal. If you have the cardboard plate, they don't bother you for the front plate because they don't need a piece of cardboard on the front of the car.

[Warren Littlefield]

Oh, shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Greatest moment of my life was driving down Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica. I was driving right at a motorcycle cop. He was coming my way, he was coming at me and I was going and I saw him and he looked at the front of my car. I saw him look at the front of me and I saw him whip around. By the way, isn't that more dangerous than no front license plate? He whipped around to write me a ticket for no front license plate, saw the yellow cardboard McKenna, Audi, Porsche thing on there and turned off on the next side street. He deliberately turned it down. It. I did it. I tell everyone to do it. And I'll tell you what, if you get a fix it ticket and then once you put the plate on, fucking go get it fixed and then put the cardboard plate back on. It's the greatest thing ever. I, I've did it. I did it for four years.

[Warren Littlefield]

Words.

[Brian Bishop]

I was able to get away from it.

[Warren Littlefield]

Words to live by.

[Brian Bishop]

And they don't. And they don't. And we're only going to do another 40 minutes on lifesplate, then we'll do a little bit on the book and then we got to roll out of here. But they also, when they see the cardboard plate, they're just not as apt to give you bullshit for bullshit tickets. It's a weird thing. It's like they don't see the license plate on there. So everybody go to your dealer, they'll give you the cardboard plate, put it on there. Some people, sometimes you got to replace it every six months because it'll fade and the cops will see it's faded and they'll go, you've had that shit on there for too long.

[Adam Carolla]

Go to the dealer, get two.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I've had it. I had the plates in the trunk of the car the whole time. Everyone should do this now.

[Allison Rosen]

What if you have a car that's like 15 years old?

[Brian Bishop]

You can still do it. You can still do it because they used cars. Go to CarMax, previously owned. Which is the. Which is the flight deck to the cockpit.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Okay, Warren, let's talk about your legacy in your book. Top of the Rock is the name of the book. I have it in front of me. Substantial, by the way.

[Warren Littlefield]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a serious.

[Warren Littlefield]

No, it's fun. It's all about fun.

[Brian Bishop]

How did this begin? Where did this notion come from? I'm going to write this book?

[Warren Littlefield]

Well, when I got canned from NBC after making them billions and billions of dollars, I just threw everything into a storage locker in west la. Mementos, photos, memos, files, everything. And it sat there for 10 years. And every month, I just paid a check to public storage. And finally, on a Saturday afternoon a decade later, I wandered into that storage facility and I went in and I started opening some boxes and I went, you know what? We were pretty damn good. We had an amazing run. One network, one night for one decade. Thursday nights on NBC.

[Brian Bishop]

What is. You probably follow some of the numbers, and it's crazy, the bite that cable and Hulu and whatever else has taken taken out of network, but especially NBC, who would be in sixth place now if they had a fifth network. NBC's not doing well right now. Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

They're struggling.

[Brian Bishop]

And I mean, for instance, the notion of, like, what would a Seinfeld or Friends or whatever get on a Thursday night Must See tv? What kind of a rating? And don't get into cum and all that, but demo or any of that, but just like, how many millions of people would be watching at the height.

[Warren Littlefield]

Of must see TV on Thursday night in the 90s, 75 million Americans watched some of Thursday night, at least one show. That was a third of the country.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

So they were afraid to go to work the next day and be left out of the conversation if they hadn't watched Friends sign all of those shows.

[Brian Bishop]

And now, how's Cougar Town? Wait a minute, what's on now? I don't even know what the fuck's on anymore, okay? You're so gay for knowing that. By the way. That was a trick.

[Adam Carolla]

I did the same thing as you, though. I get. I see the beginnings of it after I'm done tivoing Modern Family.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. I'm sure you do the first 40 seconds.

[Warren Littlefield]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

What the fuck are we doing with ourselves here? Yeah. And then I saw, like, when. When I Don't know. Paul Reiser had a show that came on that lasted two episodes. The first episode, this is like last year, was a replacement, replacement, replacement summer, replacement, replacement show. But the first thing my partner called me said, oh, it got a one one or something in the demo. And I said, people, we are looking at a new era because next week it's going to get a 9. And it's going to be an NBC primetime sitcom that gets a nine. And sure enough, the next week, it got a point nine. I mean, that in your day, un goddamn thinkable. Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

We would have nights where we had 25 ratings.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

Okay. And what you're quoting is a 0.9 rating. So nothing lasts forever, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Warren Littlefield]

Peyton Manning reminded us that when he took a bow and said goodbye in Indianapolis. So could it have ever last forever? No, it was always going to change. But it has been a rather dramatic fall off. The world's changed. Right. More competition than ever before. Television, what you want, when you want it, how you want it, where you want it.

[Brian Bishop]

What do the networks. And I'm going to say networks. I'm just talking about the big four. What do they need to do do right now? I mean, some of them are doing it right. And there's a lot of integration of products and things like that because people are TiVoing and fast forwarding through commercials and that kind of stuff. But, like, what do they need to do to keep up with whatever's going on on the Internet and whatever's going on with all these? Each year when the Emmys roll around, Showtime and HBO walk away with 400 Emmys and NBC gets two for technical something or other. I mean, what do they have have to do to compete, at least creatively?

[Warren Littlefield]

Well, it's the vision thing, right. You need to find a voice that you believe in and you hold on for dear life. So our greatest success, patience, was rewarded. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

You think there'd be patience for Seinfeld now?

[Warren Littlefield]

It's against all odds. It's really tough. But. But our biggest rewards came that way. Cheers goes on to Thursday night. Now, why would anyone watch Cheers on NBC? Because no one would ever come to NBC for a sophisticated adult comedy. We didn't have them. Right. Cheers, at the end of its first season, is the lowest rated program in all of network television.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Warren Littlefield]

So Grant Tinker says, do you have anything better? And our answer is no.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

And he goes, well, I think you just decided what you're going to do with the show. So we hang in with Cheers. Then a guy Named Bill Cosby comes on, explodes on Thursday night. All of a sudden we've got circulation and we get to say to people, 35 million Americans tune in for the first episode of Bill Cosby, and we get to say, hey, stick around. We've also got this thing called Cheers. For the next 10 years, Cheers is the tentpole. Thursday night at 9 o', clock, Seinfeld, the worst research probably in the history of television. Overall evaluation, weak. They knew who Jerry was. They just did not like the show. They thought the ensemble around him was terrible. Whiny, weepy, wimpy, terrible. Recommendation from research. If you do anything with Jerry Seinfeld, just have him just stand up. That's it.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, what do you think of research? Because it's one of these things where on one hand, I would like to hear what people thought. If I was selling pizza and I put it out there and I go, you like the thick crust or you like the thin crust? I'd like to know. So there's a part of me that goes, why not get people's input? On the other hand, I don't trust them, and I don't trust the fact that the executives are just completely leaving it up to the folks in Nevada or Fort Lauderdale or wherever they are.

[Warren Littlefield]

You're absolutely right. You can't. If it's innovative, the Cosby show tested through the roof. It's a family comedy. It was a brilliant family comedy.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. Brian's only 30. He was like the Madea before Tyler Perry. Oh, okay, I'm with you now. You with me? Sorry. Go ahead.

[Warren Littlefield]

And Golden Girls test through the roof, right?

[Adam Carolla]

They're like Madea, too.

[Brian Bishop]

They're like the old white Madea.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay, yeah, like Big Mama's house.

[Warren Littlefield]

However. However, Betty White, she's still hot. She's still unbelievable.

[Brian Bishop]

Nuts, right? Listen, I just did that goddamn, like, Password game with her, and she kicked the shit out of me. And she's like 97.

[Warren Littlefield]

And she has one. One potty little mouth, doesn't she?

[Brian Bishop]

And she's fucking. She's whip smart. Like, I mean, it's weird. Like, you know, normally when you get a little older, you get a lot. What was that guy's name? And she's doing this password or whatever, and she's beating the shit out of me. And I'm like, what? This is so humiliating. I know.

[Warren Littlefield]

She's amazing. Well, so research, if you want bold and innovative research is not going to bring that to you. You really have to go with what do you believe? And seinfeld the research scared the shit out of us. We did not know what to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, also because then it's on you. Because if it fails, they go, well, look, why didn't you listen to the research? The data shows it wasn't going to work. And you ignored the data.

[Warren Littlefield]

Without a doubt. So what did we do? We made the grand gesture of I ordered four episodes of Seinfeld. How did I do it? I stole from a two hour Bob Hunter Hope special that we chose not to make that year. I called up Jerry and I said, I've got great news. Four episodes. Dead silence.

[Brian Bishop]

Back then, people would pick up 12, 16, 22 or something. They'd order big chunks back there for.

[Warren Littlefield]

You're absolutely right.

[Brian Bishop]

It didn't sound like anything back then.

[Warren Littlefield]

So Jerry had one question. In the history of television, has anyone ever succeeded with a four episode or I just said, I don't know. I don't know. He said, okay, we'll do them. And Jerry and Larry, I'm convinced they, Larry told the story later on.

[Brian Bishop]

Larry David.

[Warren Littlefield]

Larry David told the story and said he didn't think that we would ever put the episodes on the air. That they would host a party. Jerry and Larry, they'd have their friends come over and they would say, after dinner and some good wine, here are the episodes that NBC never aired. So they made them for their friends. And the only note we ever gave them was add a girl. We didn't have Julia Louis Dreyfus. So they listened and you know what? We got out of their way.

[Brian Bishop]

I've been through the process at NBC and cbs and I felt like almost every note was I got notes on like story arc and B, story arc and C, story momentum and stuff like that. And the only time I got close to one of my semi famous meltdowns was when I was getting another note on, you know, more C story arc and more story with the child and more warm and fuzzy and huggy. And I, I said, is anyone ever going to say the word funny because we're doing a sitcom. Calm is short for comedy. And is anyone ever going to talk about comedy because it doesn't come up. It's a bunch of. I think it'd be sweet if he did this with his son. And I think it'd be really touching. And I want everyone to think he's really sweet and touching. And it was all this kind of thing where you need to be loved. People need to see this relationship with your son. They need to love this. And it's, it's like, does anyone want to discuss comedy? Because I only remember funny shows and unfunny shows. And I never watch a show that goes, well, the fucking show's not funny at all. But boy, is that guy great with a son. Not interested in that. And I was like, I watched all in the family, thought it was funny, thought Carroll o' Connor was an asshole. Called his Polack meathead son in law meathead. It was funny.

[Warren Littlefield]

It was brilliant.

[Brian Bishop]

And he didn't like him. And I never thought he liked him. And that's what I liked. I thought he was a trick asshole.

[Warren Littlefield]

Absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

And that's what made me laugh.

[Warren Littlefield]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

And it was. It was like one of those things where it's like, hey, I want to meet your new neighbor. And then the door would open, there'd be a black guy standing there, and you'd already start laughing because you knew he was a racist douchebag. And it wasn't. It's like. And I had executives tell me, yeah, but you know, there was great love between Archie and Meat. And I'd go, no, I did not know. No, there was not great love between the two.

[Warren Littlefield]

He wanted to annul the marriage.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. So what is that? When did it get all warm and fuzzy?

[Richard Grieco]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, a bunch of chicks took over at a certain time and they're fucking driving this thing right off a cliff because it's non stop warm and fuzzy talk and there's no comedy talk. They never speak of comedy because they can't speak to comedy because none of them are qualified to speak about comedy. But they can speak about warm and fuzzy. But is that what people want in a comedy?

[Warren Littlefield]

No, they want. Want big, big funny. And let me tell you, Jerry and Larry had in their heads where they wanted to go. They said, we don't hear these voices on tv. We're going to bring our voices to tv. Now, when they did the Chinese restaurant, the only thing that happens is that cast stands there and waits for a table in a Chinese restaurant. The parking garage, they've lost their car and they wander in that garage.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, right.

[Warren Littlefield]

That episode scares the shit out of us.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Warren Littlefield]

I'm sitting there going, story, I think we need a story. And yet, as much as it scares us, we go, you know what? We've given you the keys, so you drive the car. This is up to you. The audience will either embrace it or they will reject it, but it's your. And ultimately, ironically, with that show, they started to get very, very addicted to story. They fell in love with Twists and turns and story that you never expected to interact and collide. They did more and more of that and they changed the form of television comedy from what was classically a two act, seven scene structure. The next thing we know, they're doing 14, 21, 25 scenes and they just blow the whole form up. Now, I think the reason they did that is because we let them. Yeah, we didn't know that. We should say to them, get the fuck out of here. We're gonna shut you down. They were never on schedule. Table read was supposed to be on a Monday. Maybe by Friday they got around to having the table ready. Any other show would be shut down today. It would be like they're out of control. They don't know what they're doing. We need to impose other people. I think our genius, if we had it, was we got out of the way.

[Brian Bishop]

I love that. Speaking of getting out of the way, let's do some news, man.

[Allison Rosen]

I have one question, though. Did you personally believe in Seinfeld, though, or like, what was your attitude at the time?

[Brian Bishop]

Four whole episodes. You want to give him three and a half?

[Warren Littlefield]

I loved it. I loved it. It made me laugh. There was a great fear that it was too Jewish. The head of research did a document. I said, you got to go to Nielsen. You've got to do a special run as fast as we can. All the markets across the country. And I want to look at fall off in cities that are lots of Jews versus not a lot of Jews. Famous memo he writes is, it's not about the Jewish Jews. It didn't matter. America laughed. It's exactly what you said, Adam. They laughed. That's all they cared about. For Jerry and Larry, no hugs.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, look at. I mean, you look at the, look at the movies. I mean, you look at, you know, bridesmaids, and you look at the hangover or something. One's all chicks, one's all dudes. Two totally different movies, both very funny. And everyone will go and watch and like, laugh. And that's how we are. We just want to laugh. That's about it. We don't really care beyond that what it is. And we get way too caught up in all the arcs and the storylines and the feel goods and all that kind of stuff. And I really think it's convenient because I do think that the people who are in charge don't have a pedigree in comedy. They've never made anyone laugh. They've never done 10 seconds of stand up, up. And they know if they start Talking about funny. They're going to get beat in the argument because they're talking to people who have 25 years of funny experience. So they specifically stay away from the topic of funny and go to the topic of the warm and the fuzzy, which you really can never going to win that argument. And especially a male comedian is not going to win it with somebody who has a bunch of kids and can talk about her personal life and how it works and how it. It's so touching and how she thought it was so beautiful. But it's really neither here nor there. And I don't understand why there was such an emphasis on it. There certainly was at NBC. When I did a sitcom about two or three years ago at NBC, all they spoke about is how good and warm and fuzzy it would feel if I hugged my son after talking to him about quitting baseball or whatever it.

[Allison Rosen]

Was, which is something Adam would never do.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking never do. All right, I'll tell you what. Yes, Brian?

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna ask more a question, but go ahead. I'm a fan of the. The TV movie the Late Shift about the whole Lena Letterman thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You were portrayed by Bob Balaban. I'm curious what your. What you were you think you portrayed fairly or how would I think of the whole thing? Because it was an interesting movie. I liked it a lot.

[Warren Littlefield]

Well, thank you. I love Bob Balaban. I'm a big fan of his. Really smart, talented guy. And Bob, of course, played me on Seinfeld.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right, he did that.

[Warren Littlefield]

And the audio version of Top of the Rock. When they said, yeah, we're gonna hire some actors and they'll play the various. I go, wait, hold on. You're telling me you're gonna hire actors to play Jerry Seinfeld and the cast of Will and Grace and all the actors and friends.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

How's that gonna work? And they go, well. Well, what would you do? I go, well, why don't you just call Bob Balaban and have him read the book? And they were like, ooh, so the audiobook is Bob Balaban.

[Brian Bishop]

Write that down, Mike, for the next audiobook.

[Allison Rosen]

And he played Phoebe's dad on Friends.

[Brian Bishop]

I think, wow, is that him?

[Allison Rosen]

I think if I'm wrong, then that's embarrassing.

[Warren Littlefield]

I don't remember that.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think someone will film?

[Adam Carolla]

Because they can take a lot of liberties out.

[Warren Littlefield]

I love Bob. He's not as tall as I am. He does not have hair.

[Brian Bishop]

He doesn't drive the Porsche Panamera, and.

[Warren Littlefield]

He was a little bit wimpy. I stood up and fired Helen Kushnik. I threw her ass off of the Tonight show. And I said to Bob Leno's manager.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right. Who everyone hated. And then died.

[Warren Littlefield]

Jay Leno's manager. So I loved what he did. I loved his performance, although I wish he had a little more hair, a little more height.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Warren Littlefield]

And slightly larger balls. Other than that, I thought it was great.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So Leno, I mean, his manager, everyone just seemed to universally hate. But she, Helen Kushnik, she was tough. Yeah, but it's kind of tough, I mean, isn't. If you want to play shortstop for the Yankees, don't you kind of have to beat out a whole bunch of people? I mean, like, I think about that with, like, Leno taking over. Like, I mean, at that time, at least that was the top of the pyramid. And not only late night, but, I mean, it was equivalent to playing center field or shortstop for the Yankees, like taking over for China. Johnny Carson was the greatest. Every comedian that was the top of the top of the pinnacle, that was the flagpole on top of the Sears Tower. And there's going to be a lot of scratching and clawing to get that gig. Do you feel like Leno did anything that was underhanded or out of line to get that gig?

[Warren Littlefield]

Not at all. Look, Jay fought for an opportunity and. And when we were faced with, I thought, an impossible negotiation with David Letterman, the goal, of course, is, how do you keep both? But CBS says to Jay Leno and to David Letterman, one of you is not going to get the Tonight Show. We'll take whoever loses.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Warren Littlefield]

So I couldn't hold on to both guys. And then in an impossible negotiation, my job is to have choices. My job is, by all rights, David Letterman had more experience, he was groomed, and he was ready to take over. But the terms were so impossible and so onerous.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, why were the terms so impossible?

[Warren Littlefield]

They thought they had the upper hand.

[Brian Bishop]

They meaning Dave's camp?

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah, Dave's camp. And Michael Ovitz was handling the negotiation. And my job was to make sure that we would have choices. I was the suit. And in a scene that is a part of the Late Shift movie, basically, I looked at everyone and I said, you know what? We do have a choice. And we have a guy in Jay Leno who makes not be ready. But I'll tell you one thing, he will not sleep until he succeeds. If you give this guy his dream, he will be your partner. We will not have to give up ownership of the show. And that's where I would place my bet based upon everything that's in front of us. And you know what? We came out a few billion dollars ahead and ultimately was a very, very successful move for NBC. Scary as hell, right? I thought my tombstone would say the man who killed Late night on NBC for a while, but we recovered. We dominated, sure, for the next 17 years and, and, but Letterman also did great. CBS got in the game and they did fine. And of course, Comedy Central and all these other worlds of late night choices popped up because the landscape changed.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? All right, I gotta give a little love to one of our sponsors, SodaStream. Alison Rosen has this nice Mother's Day gift. If you like the mom likes. If mom likes pop. Write that down. Lauren. That's good stuff. Seinfeld. Give that one to Seinfeld. No more lugging around those big 2 liter bottles. Oh, my God, this is breaking. Oh, the humanity. Tossing the empty cans and filling up them landfills. No, no. Flat soda, fresh soda. 25 cents per can. That's what works out to be. But you don't need a can. You put it in your tumbler. Save space and save time. SodaStream, you made soda at home and about the size of a small coffee maker. Over 50 regular and diet flavors, all without the high fructose corn syrup or the aspartame, which makes you insane. By SodaStream, you got, let's see, you make the grapefruit. You do the diet grapefruit, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It's their version of Fresca.

[Brian Bishop]

And you can get it at Bed Bath and beyond, Macy's, sodastream.com find a store near you. SodaStream. Smarter way to enjoy the soda. All right, let's do little news. Warren, jump in on this baby, would you? Now the rest of the news with Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

And I was right about Bob Balaban playing Frank Buffay Senior.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right.

[Allison Rosen]

So speaking of NBC, Community has been renewed for a fourth season with a 13 episode order.

[Brian Bishop]

Yay. Joel McHale.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And 30 Rock has been renewed for a seventh and final season and it's expected to to be an abbreviated one consisting of 13 to 14 episodes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yay. Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, back in the old days, how many episodes were in a season back in the day?

[Warren Littlefield]

24. Cheers. 24 episodes a year. Then, oh, I would say by the mid-90s, things started to get cut back to about 22.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it a budget thing or.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah, a budget. And you know, also in the world of cable where 13 is the most you do, a lot of writer producers just said wow. It's hard to keep the quality up and to crank out more than 22. So it's pretty rare that anyone does more than 22 episodes.

[Brian Bishop]

We used to do 25 episodes of the man show and it sucked.

[Warren Littlefield]

No, that's not true.

[Brian Bishop]

That was actually fun. But yeah, no, we would. But eventually it was nice because we'd have just a big cork board and I remember we'd go into our office and it would be blank and it'd have all the dates that all the shows that were airing and it would just get. It'd just be completely blank and then eventually have like, well, manovations would go up on one week and then we'd go, all right, six weeks from then we'll do another man ovations and you'd see it like slowly get filled up with shit. But when you'd walk into the office and it was empty and it had 25 weeks of shows, it was like, Jesus Christ time.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah, that's a lot of material.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. It was weird because like season one, you didn't know what. By the time we got to like season four, you'd go, all right, we'll do a. We'll do what? You know, we'll do the juggie profiles, we'll do the manovations, we'll do the whatever. We'll do the standard stuff. We knew we could fill up a certain amount with that. But yeah, sucked. Except for it was fun. I got paid.

[Allison Rosen]

A Houston hospital is going to live tweet a brain surgery and post photos online. The patient is a 21 year old woman and the surgery is to remove a brain tumor. And this is going to begin at 8:30am Eastern Time Wednesday morning.

[Brian Bishop]

What are we supposed to do with this?

[Allison Rosen]

You're just supposed to learn from it and look at it and try not to bother.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm not in. We were just talking about this earlier. I'm not into everyone sharing everything all the time. I don't need to see all of this.

[Allison Rosen]

Dr. Dong Kim, the neurosurgeon, said the main reason I wanted to do this was for the educational possibilities. I spend a lot of my time with patients on what to expect and what the steps are. A lot of anxious patients want to know exactly what happens with this. They will be able to see what happens. See, when I had my surgery in December, I knew that I could go online and see how they do it. And I remember debating, should I look? And then I decided, no, I think it'll just freak me out more to See someone do a laparoscopic surgery.

[Brian Bishop]

I've had people tell me that they've had their meniscus repaired and wanted to watch it on the monitor while. And it's like, really? Because it feels weird to me, and I. I don't like to. I wouldn't want to stand outside my own body and watch my own dental surgery, would you? No, I want to be passed out.

[Warren Littlefield]

I'm going to bet $100 that they put up on the screen a lot. Do not try this at home.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you'd have to put that there.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know, though. I mean, and maybe this has to do with our ages. I wonder if people who are younger, who are more desensitized just because of the Internet. You know, it's like that thing on the Internet. There are plenty of people who pride themselves on being able to watch someone get beheaded or just, you know, they can. They have the kind of intestinal fortitude that they can see any image and it doesn't freak them out. Whereas I, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, everybody. It's interesting because if you start off and you play a lot of video games and you watch a screen, computer screen, and you see a lot of people being beheaded, you know, but these are representations, right? Right. But they're realistic looking. They're like your avatars being beheaded. It does make it that much easier to see a journalist beheaded in Tikrit, you know, I mean, the step, the bridge has already kind of been built. I wonder how much of this is 9, 11, too. All the endless amounts of footage of people jumping out of buildings and buildings collapsing. And you knew there were people in the buildings and they'd show the people jumping off the buildings. And Once there was 200 hours of people sitting home watching people essentially die from their living room, maybe it was game on. I don't like that because I feel like I got enough weirdness floating around through my head that I just want to see puppy dogs in an aquarium. That's what I want. But not drowning, happily swimming, frolicking, frolicking, aquarium, doggy paddling. I want to the. You know what I want Panda cam. I want some seals or an otter or something. Because I went to the zoo with my kids today.

[Allison Rosen]

You want two otters because they hold hands.

[Brian Bishop]

Two otters and a seal. Instead of two turntables and a microphone or two girls and one cup, this otter was going. This seal was going upside down. I was just showing off, like, swimming in front of us, in front of the glass and doing that. Move it Spun itself over on its back, was like, look what I can do. Like in cartoons, when people realize they can fly or float and the first thing they do is they do like a backwards sort of thing. And I just thought, this is wildly relaxing. So much better than watching brain surgery. And that's what I want to see. And then when I go to bed that night, I want to dream about seals and otters holding hands. Not tumors being removed from people's heads.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have PMS right now, Adam? Because that's how I feel all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

We're vibing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I think we're starting to see.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm saying wavelength.

[Brian Bishop]

We're starting to sync up. We've been working together for too long.

[Allison Rosen]

We need to watch pandacam together.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we're going to home watch pandacam.

[Allison Rosen]

How do you feel about disturbing imagery, but imagery, that's educational.

[Warren Littlefield]

Well, you know, I think part of this is 15 years of er.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yes.

[Warren Littlefield]

You know, 15 years of that dramatic series. When we first looked at the pilot, some people ran out of the room. Right. It was really graphic. Over time, it changes reality, television, everything is out there. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of er, whatever happened to that kid Clooney? I thought he really had something going for a while. A nice run for a while. Yeah. Short.

[Adam Carolla]

Short and sweet.

[Brian Bishop]

What's he doing? What's he doing tonight, for instance? Yeah.

[Warren Littlefield]

What's he up to?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's probably proudly just, you know, tending bar somewhere.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a gator waiter. Maybe he's working at the Obama dinner.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, catering.

[Warren Littlefield]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Slip one of the guys cards. Maybe he gets a kick. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Maybe it's all those procedural like medicine shows. All right. Medical shows, I should say.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, did you feel compelled to watch Must See TV every Thursday?

[Warren Littlefield]

Yeah, I loved it. I was addicted. I was the suit and I was a fan. And when Rough cuts of Friends, Seinfeld, when those rough cuts would come into the building, it was. People would fight to get a hold of them. And yeah, I have to say, I loved it.

[Brian Bishop]

I watched too, as a matter of fact, you could.

[Allison Rosen]

I still watch Friends every time I see.

[Brian Bishop]

I do too. When I The syndication, I'll watch it.

[Warren Littlefield]

It's a brilliant soap opera. Seinfeld, of course. No hugs, you know, no love. Friends was. It was about love and really funny and you felt great and you laughed out loud and Ross and Rachel and.

[Allison Rosen]

You convinced them to put the characters across the hall from each other. Is that right?

[Warren Littlefield]

That was me.

[Allison Rosen]

But originally, were they all in one apartment or were they spread out one mummy bag?

[Brian Bishop]

It was a camping show originally.

[Warren Littlefield]

Central Perk Central. Perkins was kind of their central set. And Marta Kaufman and David Crane, the creators had really worked in single camera comedy. Dream on is what they had done. They hadn't done a lot of multicam. And I said, well, you're gonna have to have these characters and their stories. They're gonna need somewhere other than the world. Hadn't quite caught on to coffee shops or what it's all about.

[Brian Bishop]

So.

[Warren Littlefield]

So how about if you put them across the hall and you were like, oh, okay, that's a good idea.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, good show.

[Allison Rosen]

Made history. John Travolta still in the news. So remember we were talking about the fact that those two masseurs, and I still can't adjust to that word, are suing him. They have the same lawyer. And that lawyer says that even more masseurs are going to come forward to sue. But John Travolta said that he was out of Town on January 16, which is when John Doe 1 says the sexual, not assault. But I think they are saying it's assault now.

[Brian Bishop]

They can figure that out.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. And so now there are photos of John Travolta, which TMZ says prove that he was in New York on the 16th. And there's a receipt from a meal he had at Mr. Chow and the total was $382.69. And he left hundred one $100 tip, which evidently is in keeping with how he is big tipper.

[Warren Littlefield]

That's pretty cheap meal though, for Mr. Chow, right, Adam? He got off all right.

[Brian Bishop]

He must have just had like the popcorn shrimp and a cocktail. So this is good, right, for him because he wasn't in town.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Although I feel like we have not heard the end of this yet.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't either. And it's always good to leave. That was the greatest thing about the whole Phil Spector thing thing when he went out to Dantana's, I think the night someone can find this out. But he went out like the Dan Tanna's to have like a cocktail or something, picked up the chick and then took her home and shot her in the face. But he had like a $50 tab and left a $500 tip. Like it's one thing to, you know, leave 100 bucks on 400 bucks. It's another thing to leave 500 bucks on 50 bucks. Like he had like more suspicious. He had like an Amstel light and left like a $500 tip. I think when you get shitloads in royalties. It makes it easier to tip.

[Warren Littlefield]

I think the answer is, let it be.

[Brian Bishop]

Like when you can go to your mailbox, the bill was $55. He left a $500 tip. And now that's the kind of move I would have done if I knew I was gonna shoot someone that night.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Because I would have been like, I want everyone to see what a generous dude I am. But if I didn't, if I wasn't planning on shooting anyone that night, you'd be like, I do my usual. Like, what's 12 and a half percent of 55? I'd get my little thing, I think my laminate. By the way, the people that have the laminates in the wallet, why don't you just get a fucking dunce cap? Like if you get a hat with a beanie on it, the spinner, like if you literally have to pull that thing out and go $170 bill, 15%, like, you really gotta look at that laminate.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. How many people in the world right now are thinking, yeah, and plus my iPhone does it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's what's going on. Okay. But I do remember there was a short period of time people kept those laminates in their cards to figure out in their wallets to figure out how much to tip somebody. Yes. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

And you know what? In Trapper Keepers that have the metric conversion, I never used that. No, I didn't do a lot of converting.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I was, I was, I was made a fool of today by my assistant Matt the Porcelain Punisher Fondelier.

[Allison Rosen]

And he still works here.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, sorry. I took it like a man. It was impressive. If you a Mike lynch, if you go to the table, you can pull the drill bits that I bought at Home Depot out today. I think I throw them out to. I was making my metric versus standard argument, which I do quite frequently on the show. Warren, not a big fan of.

[Adam Carolla]

Only during sweeps, though.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Warren Littlefield]

Of course.

[Brian Bishop]

It's metric versus, I think it's sae. I'm not a big fan of the European Union and some of their practices, their financial practices, but when it comes to the metric system, these people are right on. On. As I've told people all the time, the standard system, when you're getting wrenches out in bits, and I know you, you ran a network so you like to bust some knuckles and do your own wrenching. I said it's tough because you don't know the difference between the 9 32nds and the 14 64s and all this kind of stuff. And I bought a couple of bits, and I was giving half the stuff I do when I'm here during the day's lecture, you know, I have an assistant because it's basically someone who's paid to listen to me. No one will listen to me, but he has that. Matt has to listen to me because he's on the clock, that poor son of a bitch.

[Allison Rosen]

And when anyone else tries to talk to him, just not there, tunes out. Yeah. All his attention is for Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

So I said, matt, let me tell you why the metric system is better. The metric system is better because if you have a 10 millimeter wrench and it's a little bit too small, you. You get an 11 millimeter wrench or 12 mil, you just step up. It's easy to do it. But I said, if you got. I got two drill bits here. One of them is 1164 and the other is a 5. 32. Who the fuck knows which one's bigger? And he goes, well, 1164 is bigger. I was like, God damn it. You just shat on my point. But that was smart. That was smart, at least. You shouldn't have a choice. No, either shit on your point or, you know, be told I'm not smart for not getting it right. No, no, you wouldn't have been told that. And he was smart, and he knew that the 1164 S was bigger than the 5. 32. But this is the problem with the standard system. Here's two drill bits, and morons at the Home Depot don't know the difference between 1164 and 5. 32. But you know the difference?

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't know. How did you know Matt?

[Brian Bishop]

He did math. Exact way I do it. Yeah. Basically, the way fractions work, you have the common denominator. So, okay, as many math terms as I can think of here, but 5, 32, you double that, it becomes 1060.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, right. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

So you just left the. Doubled it. Right. But if this was metric, you'd have a 4 millimeter and a 5 millimeter, and you'd know the 5.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, right, because it'd be 1064.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. There you go. The porcelain punisher. Matt Fondelier. Shaming me. Shaming me. My own building. But it was impressive. Spat it out immediately. Yeah. All right. There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

Basically, the way fractions work. Yeah. I'm offended.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Truck nuts. Oh, let's talk about truck nuts.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Warren, are you familiar these are testicles you attach to your truck.

[Brian Bishop]

The back of your truck.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, See?

[Brian Bishop]

Take a Look at the picture.

[Allison Rosen]

And in South Carolina, for the second time in a year, a motorist has been ticketed for displaying a replica of testicles on a vehicle. So if you have genitals on your truck and you're in South Carolina, just be warned, you're going to be pulled over. Now, this guy was pulled over for driving without a license, but also for having an obscene display and told he had to remove it. Imagine going through all the work to attach balls to your car and then having to take that off.

[Adam Carolla]

One thing's lower than that, the other.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Hey, symmetry. I like that.

[Warren Littlefield]

That's a bad day.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. These things are sold at swap meets all over the United States. I'm not sure what they think it's going to accomplish, but. And again, I feel like cops are already kind of looking for a reason to pull you over. Like, why fuck around? Although I have asked cops, when you see that bumper sticker that says, like, support your local law enforcement, whatever, you know, that kind of ass kissery, does that fly with you guys? And they know. They go, no, that's really.

[Allison Rosen]

I would have thought it would fly with them.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they say they don't. Well, at least. Well, I talked to one cop. He said it looks. He knows it's ass kissing. He knows it's so you won't get. Yeah, Won't get pulled over, but I.

[Allison Rosen]

Would think it would. Like, sometimes, you know, someone's kissing your ass and it still works.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, that must happen to you all the time. You so smart and everyone likes you. You must feel that all the time. Thank you. See? Oh, thanks. I feel like you're just saying that.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I've said it. I've said it many times. When I used to be the boss, Warren. You know how it goes. Like, people would come in and go, hey, boss, looking good. And then I'd go into my office, and then Jimmy would say, you know, he's just saying that because you're the boss. I'd go, even better.

[Warren Littlefield]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

I like the fact that he's kissing my ass.

[Warren Littlefield]

Absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Warren Littlefield]

It keeps us coming to work every day.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. That's why people want to be the boss and get their ass kissed. It's the same way I feel about a fake orgasm.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a favor that someone's giving you.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the greatest compliment you can give. Nothing says I love you or I'm chafing. Like a fake orgasm. You know what I mean? It's like.

[Allison Rosen]

Because then you don't have to put forth the effort to create something genuine or because what it says to you is this person is.

[Brian Bishop]

I care.

[Allison Rosen]

Is deferring.

[Brian Bishop]

I care about the way this person. Person feels about himself and me. And I care enough to fake an orgasm. It's awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

I never saw it that way, but now I do.

[Brian Bishop]

I would.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Okay. Thank you, Stan. Corrected the Avengers. The Avengers has broken box office records in its opening weekend. The Marvel movie made 200 million in its first weekend, smashing the previous record held by Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, which made 169.2 million when it was released.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So have you guys seen this?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyone? It's getting good reviews.

[Brian Bishop]

It's supposed to be good.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

And it exceeded my expectations. I would not say it's a great film, any stretch of the imagination, but begrudgingly. I thought it looked like a mess from the previews and it was actually pretty good. Surprisingly funny. Some actually. Some laugh out. I had one laugh out loud moment.

[Brian Bishop]

Robert Downey Jr. Is always good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, all the actors are good. Mark Ruffalo's always good. And. And Chris Evans is charming and all that. So it's, you know, it's a good cast.

[Warren Littlefield]

And Joss Whedon, right. Writer, director, really talented guy. I mean, I'm completely there. I'll be there this weekend. I'll be keeping the numbers up. I'm looking forward to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's also one of these things too, where if the, you know, you have this franchise, Iron man, you have Captain America's franchise, the Hulk franchise. And so you take them all and you just put them together and. And it's essentially like someone saying, well, you like ice cream, right? Yeah. What if we dump some hot fudge on it and then some crushed nuts and then some whipped cream and some caramel. It's like, yeah, okay, I'm in. Like, it just got better. It was good how it was. And now you just took all this shit and you put it together. It's basically, you know, you can watch two people fuck and you can watch a gang bang.

[Adam Carolla]

Your kids are gonna love it. Your son, anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, is he? Oh, it's been bugging.

[Adam Carolla]

2 hours and 20 minutes. Minutes. He's gonna go. He's gonna, you know, be fixated on that screen.

[Brian Bishop]

Is there scary parts because. Oh, not really. Well, forget it. I wanted to freak him out.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Happy Mother's Day.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that was the news with Allison Rosen. Evoice. Now Paul Bryan, I know you have Evoice.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, sign up for the Evoice number. It's like get an entire team.

[Warren Littlefield]

People.

[Brian Bishop]

People think you're Warren Littlefield.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a one man band, like a one man business. Just in revoice.

[Brian Bishop]

You seem like you're big time, even if you're tater tots. Small potatoes like Brian over there.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Wait a minute.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a tater tot? Yep. It's a virtual phone number that answers and routes your business and personal calls to your home phone office. Remember back in the day when your assistant would roll calls for you, Warren?

[Warren Littlefield]

Oh, those were the good old days.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. You'd be in Miami, they'd be rolling calls. At the end of the day.

[Warren Littlefield]

Get me James Dixon.

[Brian Bishop]

This baby doll. Get baby doll on the blower, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

He's in Miami with you.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God. When this book. When my book comes out, I'm going to tell you a story about him and the editor that just never. He'll get mad, baby. How.

[Warren Littlefield]

Do the read?

[Brian Bishop]

He's the greatest. He's no great. I swear to God. Ball Bryan has a. Has a brain tumor and they got it under control.

[Warren Littlefield]

Good.

[Brian Bishop]

But it was really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Barely.

[Brian Bishop]

Barely. It was bad. It was really. It was really bad for a while. And I wanted to do a big benefit for Brian and raise him some money. I would be there and we booked out the Wilshire E Belt Theater. It's probably about 1200 seats, something like that. Something in there. 11, 1200 seat theater. And we were going to charge, I don't know, 100, 200, 300 bucks for the ticket.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going to charge 100 and then prime seats, you know, backstage and all that. Meet Adam for 300. So it was a pressy event.

[Brian Bishop]

We're going to charge a lot and raise a shitload of money for Brian and his fiance and all that. And so I was telling James Baby Doll Dixon, well, we're throwing this benefit for bald Brian. And he's like, where are you throwing it? I said, you know, it's a thousand seater or twelve hundred seater. And he said, well, what are you charging for tickets? And I said, 100 bucks or whatever. And he's like, baby, who's gonna go to that? I said, well, I'm gonna be there and I'm gonna do some stand up and I'll see. Maybe I can get Sarah Silverman and I can get Bad Religion to come there. And I want Jimmy to come there. And he's like, baby, I'm not sending Jimmy there to embarrass himself to half full play. And I said, I'm dying.

[Allison Rosen]

Literally.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, well, I'm gonna go on my podcast and I'm gonna talk to the fans and I'm gonna get them to come out to see this thing. And she's like, baby, baby, who's showing up? Why would they. It was like a lot of like, why would they show up? You're talking to the guy who's supposed to be the draw for the concert and ask him why he would show up, but he earnestly wanted to know. And he wanted to know, by the way, like, I couldn't call Jimmy and just tell Jimmy to go, but he's like, I'm not gonna embarrass Jimmy when nobody shows up to this thing. And then later on, when we sold the thing out, he was like, I don't get it. I was like, oh, man, no love whatsoever. It's the only time my wife fucking screamed at him, like, what the fuck are you talking about, baby? That's how. He is exceedingly honest with his own clients, and I don't think he'd ever do that with Jon Stewart. He was like, baby, who's gonna show up? Why would they show up? I said, it's they. We sold it out. Why? How? He wanted to know how. He kept wanting to know how. And I kept saying, the podcast, baby. All the podcast. Number one. Number one. Number one in America. And he kept going, I don't get it, baby. I don't get it. Was it great?

[Adam Carolla]

God bless everyone for showing up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Yes. All right. More importantly, look at him.

[Warren Littlefield]

You're cancer free.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Still got the tumor there, but they're working on it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. He's cancer suppressed, my son. Do you have his ringtone, by the way?

[Allison Rosen]

It's just a waste of my time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's my son complaining that I waste his time with my chatter. So people are putting that on the ringtones and having fun. My book, not Taco Bell material, gonna be out on June 12th. Let's go ahead and pre order that it's just a waste of my time and get to number one on New York Times. Oh, evoice. Yeah, big shot. Where were we? Yeah. Oh, they'll take your voicemails and they'll transcribe them.

[Adam Carolla]

Never listen to their voicemail again.

[Brian Bishop]

That's gonna be nice because my parents are still alive and it's really goddamn painful. Yeah. No more long winded messages. Plus professionally recorded customized greetings menu options available. Messages Maintain a professional image. Like I said, be a big potato. You in your tater tot like Paul Bryan over there. Click the evoice banner on AdamCarolla.com or go to evoice. Sign up today. Six months free free six months un gd believable thousand oaks, everyone. Borderline tonight, Friday night, May 11th and Napa uptown Theater. Gonna do some vintage car racing over there at Sears Point. And then that night, if I don't destroy myself, my car, I'll be doing some stand up. Saturday, June 2 Warren Warren Littlefield, Top of the Rock. Name of the book, Inside the Rise and Fall of Must See tv. Get it on Amazon and you know what to do with the Click through, folks. The book's website, doubleday.com you can Twitter warren@topoftherock. Is it underscore wl that's it. That's it. Anything we're missing, Warren? Anything you want to plug?

[Warren Littlefield]

You've been awesome. It's wonderful to be in your house, my friend.

[Brian Bishop]

Anytime you like, come on out and hang on out. So until next time, Adam Caroll for Warren Littlefield, Allison Rosen and Bald Brian saying mahalo. I go to the nudist camp because I find dolphin shorts so confining.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that's adam Kulis show 821 featuring legendary Warren Littlefield. Air drop back in 2012.

[Brian Bishop]

That does it for today's Coral Classics.

[Adam Carolla]

Make sure to tune in tomorrow for.

[Brian Bishop]

An all new installment. Until then, mahalo.

[Adam Carolla]

And get it on.