Rob Riggle + Gabriel Iglesias (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Carolla Classics

Episode: Rob Riggle + Gabriel Iglesias
Date: January 25, 2026 (Classic episodes from 2013)
Guests: Rob Riggle, Gabriel Iglesias, Kelly James, David Wild, Allison Rosen, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Brian Bishop

Overview:

This episode of "Carolla Classics" brings together some of the most memorable and hilarious moments from The Adam Carolla Show’s history. Today’s episode features highlights from two classic shows: one with actor and comedian Rob Riggle, and another with standup sensation Gabriel Iglesias ("Fluffy"), plus extended segments with the core cast (Allison Rosen, Dr. Drew, Brian Bishop), and musical performances by Kelly James.
Adam dishes out his signature rants, dives into personal anecdotes, and hosts wide-ranging, irreverent, and unfiltered conversations—from the behind-the-scenes reality of book publishing and family dysfunction to fan-favorite segments like “Nerd Walking,” plus on-the-spot comedy freestyle.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Behind the Scenes: Book Publishing & Legal Woes

[01:00 - 13:00]

• Book Attorney Meetings: Adam and Dr. Drew describe the grueling, meticulous legal process of reviewing book manuscripts for potential lawsuits and copyright issues.

  • Adam: “When you write a book... there's a call that takes place with an attorney… the three of you will comb over the points of concern in the book.”
  • Dr. Drew: “The biggest thing was, he suggested a couple of changes that would have impacted the story, but 90% of them were details that no one but me would know. So I was like, nah, we can change that.”

• On Changing Names: Adam, whose friends had “pet names,” notes this made anonymizing stories easier.

• Legal Paranoia: Adam reflects on lawyers’ tendencies to cut more than necessary to avoid risk:

  • "They have nothing to lose by taking out 25 pages and everything to lose by getting sued… Every part of it just draining every ounce of life force out of it." (06:37)

• Funny Example: The team discusses the hypothetical legal fallout from wild passages (“I titty fucked the shit out of Brooke Shields in 1988...”), poking fun at the way lawyers sanitize memoirs.

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2. Daily Life, Rants, and Social Commentary

[13:00 - 28:00]

• Makeup Irony: Adam shares an anecdote about a professional “groomer” giving him a full-face massage while simultaneously warning about eye infections from makeup (and applying it to his eye the whole time).
  • Adam: “As she was saying this, she had a brush filled with makeup that she was rubbing in one of my eyeballs. Like Minnesota Fats was cueing up.” (17:33)
• Sprinklers and City Bureaucracy: Adam vents about city sprinklers running during rainstorms and the government’s wastefulness despite expensive water bills.
  • “Are we dumb? Are we smart? We’re both. The real question is, are you motivated or not motivated?” (24:39)

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3. Coffee, Decaf, and Family Dysfunction

[28:00 - 39:07]

• Hotel Coffee Packs: Adam’s theory: all hotel coffee should be regular—decaf drinkers are a “menace”—and shares the fantasy of creating “Fuck off, pussy” decaf pouches for their rooms.
• Carolla Family Dinner Dynamic: Adam recounts the convoluted process of getting coffee at family dinners, satirizing the “loser’s treadmill” approach and old-school thrift.
  • “My grandmother would make this secondary announcement: ‘If it's just Adam, we'll do instant.’ And it's like, instant was frozen during the Eisenhower administration.” (36:18)
  • Classic Carolla: “Stop acting like poor retards.” (38:44)

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4. Rob Riggle Segment – From Marine to Comedy, Superstitions, and Outrageous Scenarios

[39:29 - 61:12]

Riggle’s Journey

• Marine in Manhattan: Riggle shares how, while still active duty USMC, he transitioned to improv comedy in NYC.
• Superstition Survey: Plugging Bud Light’s NFL fan superstition survey.
  • “Baltimore Ravens fans are the most superstitious...” (41:35)
• Sports Guy Superstition: Adam and Riggle trade stories about fans blaming them for jinxing teams by picking winners.
  • “That is the white man superstition right there...” (43:09)

Movie Talk

• Filming Dumb & Dumber 2: Riggle describes working with Carrey/Daniels and starring as twins.
• Aviation & Picking Up Women: Riggle, once a licensed pilot, relates how flying was his ultimate college date move.
  • “I was fortunate... my grandfather... wanted me to fly, so he paid for my lessons. I couldn’t have done it on my own.” (47:34)

Celebrity Meltdown Thought Experiment

• Absurd Scenario: Adam imagines Tom Cruise going on a WWII-style rampage down Hollywood Blvd in a real P-51 Mustang.
  • “Would there be a bigger celebrity meltdown ever? And could you ever top it?” (58:33)
  • Riggle: “That would be the Everest of meltdowns.” (58:41)

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5. Kelly James: Musical Guest and Freestyle Comedy

[61:20 - 68:47]

• Music Performance: Kelly James performs “Marinade” live in studio—Adam jokes, “I’m hungry and horny right now,” praising the unique effectiveness.
• Freestyle Songwriting: Later, Kelly improvises a comedy song about autoerotic asphyxiation (with David Carradine and Adam’s grandma references), riffing on topics suggested by the cast.
  • “If you’re messing around and you say, no, I don’t know what that is, but I can’t eat my dinner now, it’s fallen over my face...” (99:33)
  • Adam’s grandma warned him against it—a “wildly scarring moment.” (98:27)

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6. News with Allison Rosen: Headlines & Satire

[68:57 – throughout both episodes]

• Kanye on Kimmel: Highest-rated episode ever; panel jokes about Kanye’s “creative genius” proclamations and lack of self-editing.
  • Adam: "I do say everybody needs... my buddy Ray going, 'Where the fuck are you going with those cowboy boots? You look gay.'" (72:03)
• USPS Stampgate: The government destroys a run of kids’ stamps (depicting unsafe activities like skateboarding w/o kneepads and cannonballs). Adam mocks the overreach:
  • “Are we really living in a drought? ...There's a lot of fucking water where it shouldn't be.” (27:00)
• Ariel Castro’s Death: Dark humor about the notorious Cleveland kidnapper’s death by probable autoerotic asphyxiation—Adam and Allison spar over the news, then riff on what inmates are shown in suicide-prevention videos.

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7. Nerd Walking & Listener Interaction

[127:01 - 136:17]

• Nerd Walking Segment: The team sends Chris Maxapada to interview video game launch attendees in Burbank, quizzing them on baseball, tools, and pop culture trivia, with the crew betting on answers and making rapid-fire jokes.

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8. Gabriel Iglesias in Studio: Stand-Up Success, Touring, and Weight Loss

[157:51 - end]

• Fan Engagement Tip: Gabriel reveals his system for efficiently meeting thousands of fans after shows—a professional photographer, three-pose rule, cards with online photo links, and hand sanitizer at the ready.
  • “The main thing is it's free, it's online tomorrow morning. So keep your phones in your pocket.” (159:02)
• Absolute Love of Stand-Up: Despite being lured by Hollywood film opportunities and big money, Gabriel asserts live comedy is his calling, describing the “rush” of big shows and staying connected to what matters.
  • “I love everything about comedy. My goal in life is to make people—comics—respect comedy, not just use it as a step to movies.” (168:08)
• Weight Loss Journey: Gabriel opens up about dropping over 100 pounds (from a peak of 445), and how his new material now includes weight loss and health topics.
  • “Lost 107 pounds... It’s about keeping myself alive—a lot of people can relate to that.” (194:03)
• Mangria Bender: Gabriel candidly gets tipsy on Adam’s signature drink, keeps it real, and provides raucous, tipsy testimonials for Mangria—“If you want to reach the rest of the world, not just the Mexicans, I’m the person you should talk to!” (197:11)

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Notable Quotes & Outstanding Moments

• Adam, on hotel decaf: “How about you just put four regular, and if you’re a decafer, fuck off. You go down to the fucking cafeteria and get in line.” (32:01)
• Allison on family coffee etiquette: “It goes so quickly from ‘what would you like?’ and then suddenly you’re the one who feels like you’re putting someone out.” (37:37)
• Rob Riggle, on flying dates: “When you don’t have any game... tools like that sometimes help.” (47:59)
• Adam (re: Tom Cruise’s theoretical rampage): “Would there be a bigger celebrity meltdown ever? ...Could you ever top it?” (58:33)
• Adam on lawyers and book censorship: “They get nothing from keeping your stuff in. Just like the Indians used the buffalo. Every part of it.” (06:37)
• Gabriel Iglesias: “You should be concerned about the world, because I’ve passed the Hispanic community as far as the level of outreach.” (196:12)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Book Lawsuits & Legal Review: 01:00 – 12:00
• Face Massage & Makeup Artist Irony: 14:18 – 18:00
• Water, City Bureaucracy, & Sprinkler Rant: 21:04 – 29:42
• Decaf Hotel Coffee & Family Dysfunction: 31:38 – 39:07
• Rob Riggle Interview: 39:29 – 61:12
• Kelly James: Live Music & Freestyle: 61:20 – 68:47, 97:14 – 102:51
• News Segment Highlights (Kanye/Kimmel, Stampgate): 69:13, 80:07, 174:18
• Gabriel Iglesias Interview: 157:51 – 201:24

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Tone and Language

• True to the show: unfiltered, adult, irreverent, and laden with sharp wit, running gags, and light-hearted cynicism.
• Adam, as always, drives conversations with tangents, rants, and pop-culture references.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t heard this classic episode, you’ll hear:

• Stories that blend blue-collar, real-life banter with Hollywood inside baseball.
• Comedy that’s quick, improvisational, and occasionally envelope-pushing.
• Rob Riggle’s unique path from the Marines to improv and the big screen.
• Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias’ infectious enthusiasm, humility, and connection to fans—and some off-the-cuff boozy confessions.
• Live musical improvisation that makes everyone crack up.

This episode is a perfect sampler of Adam Carolla’s world: a little bit of showbiz, a bit of blue-collar grit, a lot of laughs, and an unapologetic attitude.

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(End of Summary)

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Coral Classics.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans selected clips from all 16 years.

[Brian Bishop]

Of the Adam Carolla show, soon to be 17.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics for which you can find the ad free archives exclusively available through podcast one. If you'd like to get the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's [e-mail] and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcarolla.com alright, let's get to the clips coming up first we have Adam Carolla Show 1183 featuring Rob Riggle, Kelly James in studio, and Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. Hope you guys enjoy. Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Good day.

[Adam Carolla]

Bald Bryan Adams on the phone. So much to talk about, so much to do. Rob Riggle's gonna be on also, Kelly James, you know him, he comes in here and does his freestyle song strumming and it's absolutely unbelievable stuff. So lots to talk about and complain about. First couple things I didn't get done, something that was very ironic from the other day that I didn't completely tell you guys about, which was when I did my book photo shoot. And how do your talk with your attorney go today, by the way? Or the book attorney.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

When you were like, lots to talk about, I was like, oh, I totally forgot to bring up to you that I did the book talk today with the attorney. It was two hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you didn't forget. That was earlier, earlier today. Right?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I forgot to bring it up to you that I had the story that.

[Adam Carolla]

Had happened and I was like, two.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Hours, we can talk about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the reason it's two hours. And by the way, Drew told me today how great the book was. How great Drew told you that? Absolutely. And he wasn't like, this isn't just if you're, you know, if you have ovarian cancer, whatever Brian's got, this is not just for you. This is for, you know, everyone.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Luckily, it hasn't metastasized my ovaries, say.

[Adam Carolla]

The husband or, or something of that person, you know. But the point is he said, no, no, it's a really good piece of work. And I said, yeah, Brian's a smart guy. And he said, no, this is beyond that. That is so sweet. Yeah, it was really.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He asked Someone for a blurb. And I didn't realize he was. First of all, when you ask someone for a blurb, they rarely read the whole thing. And Drew read the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, he's much better than all of us put together. But he did.

[Allison Rosen]

What is going on?

[Adam Carolla]

He did. I tried to say to him that he. I tried to go, yeah, Brian's sharp cookie. And I was like, no, no, no, there's more here than that. Which, again, you listen to Adam and Drew podcast. I think you'll hear it on the air, as I recall.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm really flattered. That's really cool.

[Adam Carolla]

So now. Yes. Two hours with the attorney. What they do is this is where you realize it's going to be a long haul. They go, all right, top of page three, and the book's 331 pages. You know, top of page three. And then there's 20 minutes, and they go, all right, now let's turn to page 11. And you're like, oh, shit, this is going to be a long. Unless we skip 200 pages, it's going to be a long slog here.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's exactly what it was. He was. I was shocking. Okay, so, number one, the overall thing, I was really surprised by how easy the whole thing was. It was a lot of suggesting I changed a couple words, like, this absolutely happened versus this, this may have happened. Or my interpretation is he was more concerned.

[Adam Carolla]

When you write a book just to catch everyone up, there's a call that takes place with an attorney who works for the publisher, and usually your editor will be on the line, and the three of you will comb over the points of concern in the book. So if you are like, I titty fucked the shit out of brooke Shields in 1988 when she was high as a kite, they'll be like, did you titty fuck?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He suggested that line out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, no, I'm not. That was an example. I mean, I was actually pulling something from your book. Well, that's what Drew said.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I told him not to say anything.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll say, like, did you. Did he fuck Brooke Shields? Like, first off, like, did you really do that?

[Allison Rosen]

Do they say it with that tone of voice?

[Adam Carolla]

No. They just go, is that correct? Did you titty fuck Ms. Shields? You know, and then you go, yeah, titty fuck shit out of her. And then they go, okay, is she litigious? Is she a friend of yours? And then they start getting into the. What if you just said a very famous model? You know? And then they go. And then you go, what if we said a Calvin Klein girl? And they'll go, that might be a little too close, you know?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, there was. There was a lot of. There was. He was concerned with how. There was that exact moment where he's like, I thought, I'll just give it away. He's like, did Jack Silver really dress up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween with the breathalyzer tube right at his penis? And I was like, yes, I have the picture right. Yeah. So that stayed in. He's like. And there were a lot of. Is this person still alive? Are they. Would they be upset about this?

[Adam Carolla]

Does you realize, like, how, you know, your buddy Ray actually put a garden hose in his ass and filled up and then you went through the Jack in the Box. Drive through. Absolutely. Really? And you're like, oh, yeah, no, this sounds insane.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I said, if you Google Jack Silver costume, that's the first picture that comes up. And is that not the first picture that comes up?

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, there it is.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

So you can't slant. You can't libel that man. You can't look at that picture. That can't be libelous.

[Allison Rosen]

Which is his penis over it.

[Adam Carolla]

Fair to him. It was a Make a Wish Foundation Halloween gala where we were raising money. And that was his best way of.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, there's poor force to all be at that height.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're at the play. Yeah, Just the five and six year olds. Probably not a good idea. We were at the Playboy Mansion. So there's a little context. Sure, sure. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The boss. So there was a lot of. There was a lot of, is this person still alive? Is this person who's read the book? Are they okay with you using this? He was very concerned with a lot of copyright stuff. Like, I quoted two lines from a song, and he says, I advise my clients usually to quote one line from a song, so two might be a little bit much. And I was like, no one's gonna sue someone over their cancer memoir. Quoting two lines out of their song. That would be horrible pr.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's an inherent problem with the attorneys, which is they have nothing to lose by taking out 25 pages of your book and everything to lose by getting sued. So their job. You know, whenever you deal with somebody in life, what you want is them to have some skin in the game, so to speak, where they sort of say, well, my job is to do this, but because I'm going to get 10 cents off of every book that's sold or every page that stays in the book, or every paragraph that stays in the book. These guys get nothing from taking everything they can out of your book. Just using it like the Indians used the buffalo. Every part of it just draining every ounce of life force out of it. And that's about it. And the way they can keep. They never get bonuses because somebody walked the line and got very close to the edge without ever coming up, without passing it. It just doesn't work. Every state, every station has this. Every house has this. Yes, sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

Where does the editor fit in? Do they fight for you or are they kind of siding with a lawyer?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

My editor was not on the. It was just me and the lawyer. I don't know where your editor was on that. Like spy. Like that has to stay in or. Yes, that's a good point. Or I mean, because I guess if they get sued, it's kind of their not culpable, but I mean, I can't imagine that'd be good around the office.

[Adam Carolla]

I think my editor was on the line and I can't remember if she was there for both books. And I just remember her sort of saying she'd be or he would be the person that would run a little bit of interference. You know, like they might say, well, but wait a minute. What if we just used the first name and didn't use the last name? Or, you know, was sort of the in between trying to get as much of your stuff, I guess, not wanting you to be bullied, perhaps. Not being a guy who'd written a lot of books. Not letting the guy steamroll over you. Yeah. And then offering some suggestions that sometimes where you go, yeah, it's fine. I don't have to say the person's last name. No one knows who the person is anyway. You know, Brooke Shields, you know who that person is. But so and so random girl from party. You don't need her last name. No one knows who that person is. So. Except for now husband, who's gonna be pissed and sue you. So there are those little compromises and sometime that person can help bridge those gaps.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Luckily, it wasn't a huge issue. Did you have to change any names? Because there might be a name or two that gets changed. In mine, my.

[Adam Carolla]

My thing was all of my friends also had names that were literally pet names, you know, So I told Snake it'll be called Snake because he works at a job now where he probably wouldn't want these kind of antics to be. To be known. But that was fine because that's what we called him anyway. And so it worked out. It worked out nicely. You hang on to this kind of stuff, but you realize the reader doesn't. Doesn't really give a shit whether you change a name or not.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That was the biggest thing, was he suggested a couple of changes would have impacted the story, but 90% of the ones he suggested wouldn't impact the story at all. Just details that no one but me would know. So I was like, nah, we can change that. I don't mind. That doesn't affect the story at all.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so. But a long call, He.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He at a certain point is like, I'm gonna call you right back. I have to attend to. I have to pee.

[Allison Rosen]

Was he like, now, is this Danny person litigious?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Who's Danny?

[Allison Rosen]

Is he in your book Bonaduce? Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I don't think I even mentioned him.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Which is maybe the greatest insult of all.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He's not a big part of my life. You know what I mean? It's sort of a footnote to the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But, you know, I figure if Jack Silver made the cut, maybe Danny would make the cut. Actually, I didn't think about it because I was tuned out, but Allison did.

[Allison Rosen]

I thought about it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There may or may not be a chapter dedicated to my Mount Rushmore of douchebags. You can do the math from that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Everyone earned their spot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's kind of the way I feel about most this stuff. And actually, I've always felt that way about my family. Like, we were like, why are you talking shit about your family? Like, I'm not talking shit. I'm reporting facts. That's like saying, why are you talking shit about, you know, the Unabomber? Or, why are you talking shit about this earthquake or whatever it is? It's like. Or a ferry turns over in the Philippines at 300. Why are you talking shit about boat transportation? It's like, no, that's just what happened. You decide whether it was bad or good. And then, by the way, actions have consequences.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah. That was the ultimate thing he said to me, was, this is your memoir. You're allowed to write about what happened in your life and your opinion. Anyway, this is the COVID and this is the title, so you guys are the first to see it. I have not announced it or said anything yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. It looks really good, man.

[Allison Rosen]

That's very cool. I love that you went out and bought a new suit for it. For the listener at home, it's just his head.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It'll be on the inside.

[Allison Rosen]

Jacket forward by Adam Carolla. That's very exciting.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Very cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Really calling it Shrinkage. Yeah, it's actually. It's on. The COVID is not up yet, but it's on Amazon right now if you wanted to pre order it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what to do. Go through adapearl.com.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Thanks for mentioning it.

[Adam Carolla]

It looks.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It wasn't my idea, but I thought it was really cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna sound like my mom here. It looks like a real book and I know I sound like my mom, but I mean, it. It looks really good. You know, look, it's very professional looking. It looks smart. It looks good.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They mock it.

[Adam Carolla]

It looks well done.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, they mocked it up and sent it to me and I was like, I can't think of anything better. That's really good.

[Adam Carolla]

Mazel tov, baby. They came up with the title, the.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Editor came up with. And I was like, first of all, he's a really good editor because I haven't had any problems with him. And he suggested a great title. And I was like, the title, Shrinkage. I mean, at first I was like, it's provocative. It's got a double entendre. It's kind of funny. I mean, the shrinkers of the tumor and the shrinkage of, you know, manhood. You're sort of welting in the face of all this stuff. It's clever idea.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's great. Mazel talk.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Thanks, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Something that's not shrinking. Lumosity, baby. You got to get that brain working. That's right. Work it out. That's the core, baby. Lumosity.com is important. Customized exercises for your brain, baby. Your bean improve your memory. That's something that you could use on a daily basis. Really? We were laughing about this the other day, but in a world of everyone's working on their six pack abs, what are we doing jumping from horse to horse every day? Or are we just sitting behind a computer trying to figure out what the hell we're doing? You know what I'm saying? Use your brain. You don't need your abs anymore. Lamassi mental sit ups. That's right. Do some crunches with your brain, man. Lamassi.com you can exercise and you can have fun. And you can exercise the core. The core. Play online at work. Boss not going to care if he catches you. Expanding your mind, working your brain on the job. Also, you can do it from your iPhone or your iPad with the Lumosity app. Go to lumosity.com today. Click the start training button. Create your own program. Start playing. Tell them you heard it from me, lumosity.com. let them know. Adam. Carolla told you. All right, a couple of things. So now, where was I? I was talking about me in my book. And something that I found very ironic. It's going to be one of those, but it'll never happen again. It'll never happen in 10 lifetimes. I was sitting in the makeup chair. I had a groomer. She was a woman who was trained by an English person. So, you know, she's good because, oh.

[Allison Rosen]

In England, they have the best grooming.

[Adam Carolla]

They have groomers. And I said, what the hell's a groomer? And she said, I do makeup and hair for men, and I do makeup for women. I don't do hair. And I just thought, yeah, I couldn't. Or maybe she didn't even deal with women, because I could not. I could only imagine the most colossal pains in the ass on the planet would be the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, aged broads coming in who had all their own ideas about how the makeup guys usually sit there and just go, do what you do. Whatever you do, because that's what you do. I don't put on makeup. And so she just does. Starts off with the face and neck massage. Never had it before. Starts off, starts off.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There's a finishing move.

[Adam Carolla]

Gets the hands on the forehead and the temples and gives a nice little work over. Works the neck a little. All told, probably about four minutes, but the best four minutes of your life. And then when she finishes, finishes with the hands. Little more Jergens on the hands there and works the hands nicely. Well, I said to her, this is smart, because I've had 100 makeup ladies, and they go, how's your makeup? I don't know. Makeup lady. Makeup lady number158. I don't know who they are. They all look the same. They do the same.

[Allison Rosen]

They smack on you normally, right in and out.

[Adam Carolla]

You will be makeup lady who gives a massage, and I'll never forget you. And if someone ever says to me, would you like your own makeup? Would you like to request? I'll go. Who's the one who gave me the massage on the book shoot? That one. That's the one I want. She's the groomer.

[Allison Rosen]

I need to know more about this actual face massage. Like, what parts of your face did you touch? Eyelids, nose, lips. Just cheeks and forehead and chin.

[Adam Carolla]

She did the. Yeah. Forehead, chin, cheeks. You know, all the parts. All the facial parts, a little ear work and some back of the neck work as well. And it was delightful. Might I add, so she's a professional groomer, so she's doing the whole number on me. And she takes her job pretty seriously. So it's not just a kind of, you know, there's a kind of makeup where they're using the airbrush and they're doing like, it's the award show makeup where they have 122 people to do that day and you're just one of them. And they just kind of spray it on, tell you to close your eyes.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Kind of thing they run down the line.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like they tag faces for a living. She's doing her thing and I'm saying to her, you know, I had a, my right eye, I had a big stye in it the other day and thank goodness it's gone away for the photo shoot. But it was kind of painful. I never had a sty before. And she said, oh, she started doing that thing where she was getting to the bottom of it, you know, and she said, hmm, were you wrestling in a barrel of 7 year olds? I said, I wish. I said, no, no, no. She said, what are we doing? And she said, did you have makeup put on recently? And I said, well, yeah. I mean, I did O'Reilly on Thursday and then kind of on when I woke up Saturday morning, it was kind of irritated. And then by Sunday it was a full blown styin. She said, oh, yeah, you have ducts and glands and whatever under there. And if you get some makeup up under there, she's throwing one of her.

[Allison Rosen]

Own under the bus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. She said, you get some of that makeup up under that eye there. Yeah, you can get infected and you can get a style. As she was saying this, she had a brush filled with makeup that she was rubbing in one of my eyeballs. Like Minnesota Fats was queuing up. You know, like she's really like, she did the close your eyes. And I closed my eyes and she had the brush and I could. She was wiping my eye as she's going, yeah, you get makeup in that eye, you get infected. I said, this is ironic that you're so. You're running out of closet space.

[Allison Rosen]

But the good news is you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Need to stop shopping.

[Allison Rosen]

You just need to start seeing, selling with the RealReal.

[Adam Carolla]

The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted source for authenticated luxury resale. Whether it's that mini bag that can't.

[Allison Rosen]

Even fit your phone or those boots.

[Adam Carolla]

You never fully broke in, the RealReal.

[Allison Rosen]

Handles everything from photography and copywriting to shipping and pricing.

[Adam Carolla]

So you can Just sit back, get paid, and make room for things that actually feel like you.

[Allison Rosen]

And with 10,000 plus new arrivals every single day from top designers like Prada, Celine, Louis Vuitton, and Loewe, all for.

[Adam Carolla]

Up to 90% off retail, you're bound to find something perfectly on brand to fill that extra closet space with. Plus, only for the month of January, you can earn up to $550 extra when you sell. Make room for what feels like you go to therealreal.com to start selling and.

[Allison Rosen]

Earn up to $550 extra to keep shopping.

[Adam Carolla]

That's therealreal.com terms apply. You're pushing makeup into my eye as we're having this conversation of, you know, this doesn't happen with Legionnaires disease. Let's attend a conference in Baltimore or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Like, it's weird that you're engaging in.

[Allison Rosen]

The behavior that she's telling you is gonna cause your eye to blow up.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's not only that. She's not like, you know, working on my neck rash. She has the stick with the brush on the end of it, and she's working in the eye socket as she's saying, could have got some makeup in there. Sometimes that gets infected. I'm like, this is exactly what you're doing right now. This doesn't.

[Allison Rosen]

You didn't point. Did you point it out to her, though?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, fuck. Yeah, I pointed out to her.

[Allison Rosen]

What was your reaction?

[Adam Carolla]

She started laughing. Like, I guess this is kind of bad timing to be explaining what could have caused your stye. The exact same motion and behavior that I'm displaying right now, which again, doesn't happen with infections that often. No, you know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

It might be a first.

[Adam Carolla]

It really could be. Usually people, when they're floating ideas about how you got this infection, they cease the activity that caused the infection by their idea, by the way. I don't know. I've had makeup put on 2000 times and never got a stye. So it wasn't me that went, you know what? I bet it was that makeup lady. It wasn't that. It was her floating the idea while she was rubbing this pool cue in my eye.

[Allison Rosen]

And I've never had someone say, you know, a Pap smear can cause an abnormal Pap smear sometimes while they're doing the Pap smear. Never, ever.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like that. So that was ironic and funny, but she did a wonderful, wonderful job. Quickly, I made a note to myself here, we're going to be in not. This isn't my note, but we're going to be in Portland. Couple tickets left for the late show. Lars Larson is going to come out and join us on stage. He's local and maybe beyond personality. I call into a show once in a while. Seattle, Neptune Theater. That's Saturday. So Friday these shows are going, the late shows are going, the early shows are gone. So if you want to come out, see us, say hi and all that, do it, but do it soon.

[Allison Rosen]

Former band members of mine are going to be at the late Seattle show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, rock. We'll get the real skinny. Oregon. By the way, Seattle and Bellevue, Washington, will be doing some signings on Mangria. Just go to the website and see when we're coming there. And sign in the Mangria. All right. What do we got? A couple things. What's your note? I had a note about when it starts. As a homeowner, Brian, I don't know if you're into this or not, but you have the sprinklers and drip system and everything, and it's on the timer. And then when it pours, it's so sad and weird and wasteful to see your sprinklers going off while it's pouring rain. And not only is it wasteful, it costs a ton of money. I mean, if you live. The utility bills in Southern California are fucking through the roof.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Closer to $1,000 for me every two months than it is to 500.

[Adam Carolla]

And you live in a modest house and not a rainforest lawn, but, no, not a rainforest. Dr. Drew was saying he's got a little bit of a spread there. He was saying it's thousands of dollars a month. And I thought, wow, man, water's really expensive. At least the city charges quite a bit, except for when it's pouring rain and you see the sprinklers going off on the side of the freeway. And then you realize, well, do they value water or don't they value water? And why are they charging me such a premium on water?

[Allison Rosen]

They value the money.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't value the water that I pay for. They value the money that I pay them for. That water is valued quite a bit. And then I thought, well, really, what are we talking about here? Well, we're talking about water. All right? Is it valuable or is it not valuable? Well, again, do you want my money or do you already have my money? So if you already have my money, I guess the answer is it's not valuable because all the freeways are being sprayed while it's pouring. Rain outside. They don't have something called a rain sensor, evidently, which was invented in 1972.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Are those expensive or hard to install?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't want to get one. Matt will go to the Home Depot. That's a place that sells wood to straight people.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'll fit right in. Yeah, better sneak in.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll go to their website and you'll see one for 19.99, 21.99. Not an expensive. So then, as I always say, and this is my problem with the city and the government and them wanting my money, it's not. I don't think the money's going to starving kids and I don't think money's going to mentally handicapped people that are on the streets. I think you're squandering my money. That's my problem. And by the way, I don't think it. I know it because I see the freeway sprinklers on when it's pouring rain outside. And I know this could be remedied that through technology very easily, because I've done it to my own home. And the reason I do it to my own home is because it's my money that I'm spending. I do it here. Here we just have a drip system, but I have a rain sensor on the drip system. It's literally a little sort of cup and it collects water and when it collects, it completes a system, an electrical system that shuts your timer sprinkler. In terms of technology, well, maybe in the 1800s it would have been a tall order in a city that has cameras at half the intersections with strobe.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Lights that fire certain technology they're very eager to embrace.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it when I hear about the new smart parking meter. This thing senses when the car leaves and resets there. Are we fucking geniuses or are we retards? Well, the answer is we're both. We're geniuses when it comes to extracting money from you. We're retards when it comes to saving your tax money. That's what we are. We're liars. You see, it's not we're one or the other. You tell us what the case is, we'll tell you whether we turn into the fucking CRO Magna man or a future time traveler who's come here with a head full of technology.

[Allison Rosen]

Those the meters that turn over when you drive away? I feel like that should be illegal because you are paying for an amount of time. Why should that not roll over? You should be able to just stand there, sit There, if you want.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. Look, they go, look, this space, what's it cost? Well, a quarter's gonna get you nine minutes. Good. Here's three quarters.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm leaving after 11 minutes. Maybe my wife wants to pull in after me. I fucking bought this space. Although I feel the same way about the commode in the first class cabin. A lot of good that does me. But the point is this. Are we dumb? Are we smart? We're both. The real question is, can you not find a picture of that thing? Sorry, boss. Just forget about it. Yeah, okay. All right, listen, that's fine. The question is not dumb or smart. Motivated versus not motivated. Parking meter, intersection lights, all the fines and all the levies and all the bullshit. Motivated, wasting water. And by the way, if your modest, nice but modest home is sometimes near 1,000 bucks a month, imagine what the freeway system is, the thousands and thousands of acres of in miles that are the freeway system and irrigation. That what that costs? Well, that money just fucking goes down the drain.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The average on ramp is bigger property than my yard for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Just tip the country and let Colorado roll into us.

[Adam Carolla]

And what are we really? Are we interested in conservation? And then I gotta watch a fucking PSA telling me to stop the drip and turn the stuff off and we're living in a drought.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not here. Are we really living in a drought, though? I know that it's priced that way, but it seems like there's a lot of fucking water where it shouldn't be.

[Adam Carolla]

We used. You can see the well, you might be able to read it if Matt enlarges it a little bit. There.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Is that the device you're talking about, by the way?

[Adam Carolla]

It's close enough.

[Allison Rosen]

Orbit hardwired. Rain freeze sensor.

[Adam Carolla]

How much?

[Allison Rosen]

1797.

[Adam Carolla]

Each. There you go.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Each.

[Adam Carolla]

We might have to. Maybe we don't buy one kid an iPad at LAUSD and instead we buy a couple rain sensors and spread them out. And by the way, I would argue that is a much more. A much better message to send to the youth of this city. Hey, guess who's fucking watering while it's raining outside?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'll mention the new LA mayor, but it applies to every politician who comes in. The new guy, the new mayor, the new governor, whatever. Why not? The smartest thing you can do. My USC Trojans are playing tonight under a new interim head coach and the first thing he did was put cookies back on the table for linemen. He's like, linemen like cookies. You got a fat Lineman who eats cookies and he's happy. If you're the new politician, why not just make some small but noticeable changes and people will think you're on the job? This is an $18 times whatever, 150, 250, 1000 change, but it's pennies. That's gonna go a long way towards people thinking you're doing something. Why not make small changes right away?

[Adam Carolla]

We're not interested in symbolic.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But that benefits you. That's like, hey, look at me. I'm doing a great job.

[Adam Carolla]

Reason one, number 187. Why say we are one of the dumbest cities around? We are not. It is not. This is 1970s technology and we've not implemented it yet. I used to drive into our former place of work down Wilshire Boulevard every morning. Be 5:30 in the morning, there'd be a huge puddle in the middle of Wilshire Boulevard because they had a small little island in there where they were attempting to grow like a palm tree and some grass. And they should have just had some rocks down and a cactus like they do in Phoenix. They're realistic over there. Instead, the sprinkler's just flooding the street. And by the way, you want to know what fucks up the street flooding the street? The potholes and all the shit and all the cracks and all that happens from all the water constantly sitting there, gets under the layers of asphalt and the cracks up and what have you. It's just we're dumb. I don't know. But here's the thing. We'd get real smart if it felt like it was their money, you know, if they felt like there wasn't an endless money supply, they would smarten up quickly because they do what homeowners do. I'm not. I'm wired a little differently than most, but I have a stake in not watering during torrential rainstorms.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, well, everyone looks at their bottom line at the end of the month or year or whatever and is like, we're spending too much on blank. How do we fix it?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you should spend a little on DraftKings, baby. DraftKings.com but add that to your bottom line. DraftKings.com you make a little fantasy football, and somebody's walking away with 1 million bucks. That's for the grand final. New, fun way to play fantasy football. One day, fantasy sports, not the big drawn out long season you do well one day you bounce back, the next day you take a tough loss, but you're back, back in the saddle, baby. It is DraftKings.com Dawson. Right now, Adam Carolla show listeners get free entry into the Millionaire Grand Final. Enter adamaraftkings.com for your free shot to be crowned a fantasy football millionaire. But you gotta enter adam [e-mail] for details and your free entry, visit DraftKings.com that's DraftKings.com from the department I've complained about before, but somebody tweeted me this, and then I just realized, you know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That'S a busy department.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. It's a pretty big hopper.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's overstaffed, some might say.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. As you know, I was delighted to find out the last time we took a trip that in my hotel room there was two regular coffee and one decaf. And I thought, well, that's smart, by the way. It should be 10 to 1. But fine, it's 2 to 1. We're in Minneapolis. They're smart. And then somebody brought up the fact that maybe the person before you just sort of showed up and drank, used the one decaf. And then somebody tweeted me they had a room. Thank you. They had a room that had two decaf and one regular. And then it struck me both of them are in the same silver package. One of them has a light blue ghost that says decaf in it, whispers it decaf. You guys should manufacture aircraft. I don't know what you're doing packaging decaf. Why?

[Allison Rosen]

The uniformity of the package of two different things.

[Adam Carolla]

One should be Cal Trans orange, and the other should just be, you know, silver, but not. Oh. Oh, yeah. If you squint and the light hits it just right, you can read the decaf on it. I'm putting together a theory. I think the women, the. Mainly women, actually, the only women. Weird gig, the May job.

[Allison Rosen]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Never seen a dude in a world where there's plenty of dude nurses and plenty of chick pilots. Where's the dude working at the hotel? I mean, come.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think if you're a dude and you're in the industry, the industry, you become a groundskeeper. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Like the guy, the buildings, 32 stories high and one story wide. You know what I mean? Like, why is there never a dude?

[Allison Rosen]

I wonder if people would be uncomfortable with a guy going in and out of their room.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they would.

[Allison Rosen]

Why is that up there?

[Adam Carolla]

It's never spoken of. And it's weird, but I've traveled this entire country, been everywhere for years, and I've never seen a guy in that room.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I never have either.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, So I think that the lady who's in charge of replacing these things oftentimes doesn't read a lot of English and may just put. Oftentimes, swap one out for the other. But either way. How about this policy? There's no federal mandate that says you must provide coffee in the room. This is an extra service. How about you just put four regular, and if you're a decafer, fuck off. You go down to the fucking cafeteria and get in line. What might I say? Because here's the whole thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Or call down and ask for it, because, you know, they always have that thing. Forget these important things you need. We can bring you a razor. We can bring you slippers, paper.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'd like to do, Matt? I'm just. I just thought of a great thing. Let's hear it. This is the kind of stuff. This is fuck you money. This is fuck me money. We need to get those little Mylar pouches. We need to put a little bit of sand in them and a note that says, fuck off, pussy. You're ruining everyone's life. And I'll just gingerly place them in the decaf spot. And we'll wait for people to open those.

[Allison Rosen]

And I'll be like, weirdest thing I had. And three fuck off, pussies. What did you guys have?

[Adam Carolla]

Coffee's a little sandy. Tastes like diatomaceous earth.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's not bad. I'll finish it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll finish it.

[Allison Rosen]

And I didn't appreciate the sassy label. What brand is this?

[Adam Carolla]

But a lot of attitude with this newfangled coffee these days. But I just thought, if you're into decaf, do you ever really need coffee? Do you ever, like. Don't even talk to me. I haven't had my decaf yet. You know what I mean? Or we're driving all night. Where's the decaf? Yeah, you don't need decaf coffee. You need when I. Yeah, because you're.

[Allison Rosen]

Not drinking it for taste. When it's out of that tiny thing that you're filling with bathroom water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When we go to the airport at, you know, 5am and then fly into Boston, and then we're doing a show that night, and I get there in just enough time to get the show. When I get to my hotel room and I'm taking a shower, I need a fucking cup of coffee before I walk out on stage. I. I don't need a cup of decaf. You never need decaf. You can enjoy decaf, but. Oh, you can Enjoy chamomile too. They don't have that there, right? So I say let's avoid all of the confusion and let's simply have regular coffee in rooms. That will be my new decree. And we'll do my little Mylar decaf pouch that says fuck off. Fucking douchebag is destroying society from within.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The only person who needs decaf is maybe an alcoholic who needs an Irish coffee. That's their drink at night. But that's a very, that's gotta be less than 10%.

[Adam Carolla]

For that you gotta travel outside your room fuckin it up for everybody. Alrighty then. By the way, I always forget about this, but my fucking family, such colossal bunch of loser fuck ups. And that when we would go to my grandparents house for dinner, because they were the only ones who made dinner or served dinner or did anything involving dinner, we go there for dinner at the end of the dinner. This is as an adult. Now there would be the decree that my grandmother would say, and again, don't ever get caught on this loser's treadmill where everything just seems like the tallest order in the world. My grandmother would say, all right, who wants coffee? Does anyone? Who wants coffee? And I'd go, I'll have some coffee. And then there'd be a little hemming and hawing. Like my stepdad would go, hmm, it's.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Like a congressional hearing to cover the mic and talk to their, talk to their attorney.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like Ollie north is sitting next to my stepdad. John, what time is it? Because I go to bed when the street lights come on. So what is it, 5:30 now? Let's see here. So then my grandmother would make this secondary announcement. If it's just Adam, we'll do instant. And it's like by the way, instant was frozen during the Eisenhower administration. Is in the fucking freezers. Crystallized. And that's hot water dumped over this crystallized coffee grounds from the 70s. No, that's not what I want, Grandma. By the way, what is making a pot of coffee? What would you give it like if it was one? You know when they do construction projects and they go, well building a gazebo, that's an eight, but putting on your own mailbox to your front porch, that's only a two. Why just make a fucking pot of coffee. But yet the Corollas have to break off in discussion groups and then it'd be this, John, order the coffee. I'm not sure, it's getting late. Just say you want the coffee because then we'll make a pot.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You start lobbying them for coffee?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. You got some pork products. I mean, projects, you know, like Danish or something. I'll get down with that if you go ahead and get my pot funded. Of coffee, like John, raise your hand, tell grandma you want coffee, then she'll put on a pot of coffee. Then I can get regular coffee. If I'm the lone coffee consumer here.

[Allison Rosen]

I hate that whole situation because it goes so quickly from, what would you like? And then you speak up, and then suddenly you're the one who feels like you're putting someone out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah. Who wants coffee? Your grandson wants coffee. Not so fast, hotshot. Let's wait till we get a consensus here, because you may get the stuff that tastes like somebody pissed through a coffee filter into your mug. That will be what you'll get. And if you can't convince your stepdad to order some coffee, somewhere around minute nine of discussing this, I would do the thing where I go, I make a cup of coffee. I make a pot of coffee every day. And I live alone, for one. I live alone. I walk to the kitchen, I pour the coffee in the filter, and then I pour the water in the thing, and I put the button, and then I walk away. That's what I do alone every day. We don't have a fucking. We don't have. We don't take a vote. I don't have to get a second party in here who needs some coffee, too. Any truckers at all that need something at all? Because otherwise, I'm going with the Sanka. Jesus fucking Christ. Stop acting like poor retards.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I know there's no reasonable explanation, but the only reasonable explanation is they wanted to save the filter. Cause you can make enough coffee for one.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, they. It's true. Those filters were, at that point, up to 0.2 cents apiece.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Two tenths of a cent.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? But over the course of my lifetime, that's like nine cents.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, yeah, you've gone through several cents, all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone sickens me. Rob Riggle. I actually love that guy. Oh, my God. Let's see. Hangover. Jesus Christ. Guy's been in a ton of movies. You know, Daily Shows, I think. Daily Show, Best known for really Cool Guy. Anyway, actually, I did an interview with Rob. I came in here earlier today and just grabbed it and.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, now I can't believe anything you say.

[Adam Carolla]

Enjoy, Rob. And we'll be right back after this. Rob Riggle, sir. Hey, how are you, buddy? Good.

[Rob Riggle]

Yourself?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing good. Thanks for calling in. Oh, please.

[Rob Riggle]

Thanks for having me. I love your Show.

[Adam Carolla]

I love you, Rob, because you are a regular dude and I love that. Ex Marine, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Former Marine. There's no ex Marines. Except for Lee Harvey, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, former Marine. My good buddy, the Stone Pelican, Mike August. You may remember Mike.

[Rob Riggle]

Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike was telling me once that I'll screw this story up, but it's like you were the only Marine on the island of Manhattan and he wanted to do a sitcom about it.

[Rob Riggle]

That's right. As a matter of fact, I think it was him and James Dixon.

[Adam Carolla]

James Baby Doll Dixon, yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

They were teamed up and I think they were starting something and I was doing improv down at the UCB and they wanted to have a meeting. I was still on active duty at the time, and so I came in and we started spitballing ideas, but, yeah, nothing ever came of it. But that would have been a fun one.

[Adam Carolla]

Was that true you were a Marine and you were on Manhattan?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, yeah. My last active duty station was in Manhattan. I was working in a public affairs office. It was just a little four man office right there in Manhattan over on 3rd Avenue between 49th and 50th, right above Smith and Wolinsky's.

[Adam Carolla]

Good place to be. Over.

[Rob Riggle]

Exactly, exactly. And yeah, but I did my last 3 years active duty there and then got out, joined reserves, stayed in New York, kept doing Company.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, Rob's calling in on behalf of Bud Light's superstition survey. You can explain to me how that works, Rob, if you would.

[Rob Riggle]

Sure, sure. But they're big time supporters of the fans and they're all focused on the fans this year. So they went out and did a big survey of over 10,000 people, 10,000 football fans, and found out what their superstitions were, what they believed in, who are the most superstitious fans, all that kind of stuff. And if you go to facebook.com Bud Light, if you're 21 or over, go there, check it out. You can find out what's going on with your team, find out who the most superstitious teams, find out what your team's big superstitions are, what your fans, because they did locally. So, yeah, hundreds and hundreds of people were surveyed for each team. But it's a lot of fun. It's a good thing to check out. It turns out Baltimore Ravens fans are the most superstitious fans in the NFL.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. I see. I would have. I would have gone New Orleans, New Orleans fans, you'd think. And just from that one James Bond movie I saw many years ago, they Seem like superstitious folk. And I would say the least would be Phoenix, followed by Los Angeles, who don't speak a lot of English and don't have a football team, so it's sort of moot. Did they find out who?

[Rob Riggle]

The least I would have thought New Orleans with you, I think that was a good call, but I think that would have been more like witchcraft and all kinds of, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

You know, all that Creole magic stuff down there. But I would have thought New Orleans or New New England, actually. The Patriots, those Boston folk can get pretty superstitious. Well, it turns out it's Baltimore. What are you going to do?

[Adam Carolla]

They. They are. I'll tell you this. And again, it's not science, but my Buddy Bill Simmons, ESPN's a sports guy, you know him, and my buddy Kevin Hansch as well, those guys are die hard Pats fans. And if they find out that I bet on the Pats, which I did, the two Super Bowls they lost, they will get violent with me. And they're not superstitious people, but that is, that is the white man superstition right there. They will, they will be angry. If the Pats make the super bowl and I take the Pats, they will both be angry at me.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Every week I do. I do NFL picks on Fox. NFL for the pregame show. I picked games and if I pick against the team, like I picked against Detroit twice and they won both times I picked against them. So now I get all these notes from Twitter and Facebook and all these people writing and saying, oh, you suck at Riggle. That's what you get for picking against Detroit. And then if I pick with them and they lose, then it doesn't mean I don't win. I can't win either way.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

I pick for him or pick against them, they're going to find a way to get mad at me because somehow I affected the outcome of that game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my. My big. My only real superstition is not a real superstition. It's. There's some math to it, but if my team misses an extra point in the first quarter, I always think that, well, that now they're going to lose by a point. We can all go back to the first quarter when the guy shanked the extra point. That's the only science I have. So, Rob, what are you working on? What's coming up? What's coming out for you?

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I got a couple films that have been shot already that probably come out in the spring, but right now I'm actually down in Atlanta shooting a movie, Dumb and Dumber 2 with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.

[Adam Carolla]

They got Jim and Jeff back together. So they did Dumb and Dumber, like a prequel or something like that, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, I think they did that. Yeah, that was like called Dumb and Dumber er or something. I don't remember.

[Adam Carolla]

There was one of those When Harry met Lloyd.

[Rob Riggle]

That's right. That's right. And it didn't have Jim or Jeff, but this one, they're going back. The Farrelly brothers are directing and they got the whole team back together. So it's a lot of fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I guess. Somebody finally said to Carrie, you know, you're done with your art, you ready to make people laugh and get a paycheck. Let's go. Forget about Andy Kaufman. Come on down, let's get some people laughing and get some fannies in some seats. What's your.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, my part I'm playing. I'm playing twins in this movie. So I actually have two roles. Oh yeah?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You're like those Van Der Klob and brothers from that network movie. I don't have a great movie.

[Rob Riggle]

Social Network.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's you.

[Rob Riggle]

I'm with you. I'm tracking with you. And I wish those guys are what? That was Army Hammer playing both those guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Six foot five. Six foot five and sexy. That's not me, though. Well, a little shorter dump here.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, Rob, the last time I saw you, you were in Fight Marine shape and you're well over 6:2, so I don't know if that's 6:5, but it's over 6:2 and that's good enough for me. So how do you get from the island? How do you get from being a Marine to doing comedy?

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I was a theater and film major in college and I was like, I was a comedy fan my whole life. Just anything comedy. I mean, I could quote you the entire Caddyshack and Stripes and Meatballs movies and, you know, anything, anything comedy based. Saturday Night Live, all that stuff. So always a fan and had a passion for it. But I also had my pilot's license when I was an undergrad in college and I got a guaranteed flight contract with the Marine Corps. So when it came time to graduate, I was either going to be a waiter or I was going to be Top Gun.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rob Riggle]

And Top Gun guys tend to score better with the ladies. That's what it came down to.

[Adam Carolla]

And how did you get your pilot's license so early?

[Rob Riggle]

I was fortunate that I had my grandfather. He was in the Army Air Corps in World War II, and he wanted. He wanted me to learn how to fly, so he. He paid for my lessons. I'm sure I couldn't have done it on my own, obviously, but he was kind enough and generous enough to pay for me to get my pilot's license, and so I did.

[Adam Carolla]

So now you.

[Rob Riggle]

It was great. It was a great date, by the way. When you're. When you're in college, oh, my God. Follow up a girl and say, hey, would you like to. You want to go for a flight around campus? Maybe check out some. We'll fly over the lake and. And then, you know, and when you don't have any game, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Tools like that sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, there's a couple things. I saw the Aviator, so I know just how sexy this can be. You two up there just drinking milk from the same jug, right? But, you know, there's also part two where you just put the. The. You put the plane into a steep dive, and you just say, the only thing that's going to pull us out of this dive is if you start sucking. And, you know, I don't know a woman on the planet that wouldn't want to get out of that dive, you know what I'm saying? Now, listen, call it what you will, but there's just. There's different rules in the air, you know what I mean? It's kind of international waters up there, you know?

[Rob Riggle]

Well, I'll tell you what I didn't do. The. Put the plane into a dive.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Rob Riggle]

Because I just didn't trust myself as a pilot to get us out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

You start pitching it a little and you say, baby, grab the yoke in the center. Let's see if we can't get this steady again.

[Rob Riggle]

You know what I would do, though, on occasion, I might be known to. To as we're coming in for land and make. Make a few more radio calls than necessary. Make, you know, do. Make a little. Make work in the cockpit. Like I was doing a whole lot of fancy shit. Oh, sorry. Fancy stuff I was doing, but I really wasn't doing anything except just trying to showboat a little bit, right? You got to play what you got to play. You got to play it up a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You do that thing that after you sit down, you say, the eagles landed. And then you put. When you say nine, you say nine or three times and she's impressed, Dooley.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Exactly.

[Rob Riggle]

Or you get a concerned look on Your face, you're like, hold on a second, this is bad. Hold on. And you're solving a problem that doesn't exist to make you look like you're Apollo 13.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet. Now, how many, what is the biggest or most advanced aircraft you ended up flying?

[Rob Riggle]

It really wasn't much. It was still a trainer. It was a T34 trainer, which is a single engine, prop driven aircraft. But it's kind of like, I mean, it's fully aerobatic. It's almost like a old World War II aircraft.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's what they would use. It's what they would use if you went to one of those aerobatic schools where, I mean, not schools, but one of those things where your wife went to an auction and bought you a day at Top Gun school and you got to duke it out with some friend. Is it one of those planes?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, it's like that, only it's not a side by side, it's a tandem. So you sit one in front of the other. So the cockpit's very tight and it's a little more, it has a lot more power, I think, than those planes. I've seen those planes when you sit side by side and you go up and dog fight each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Rob Riggle]

But yeah, no, this one's. You sit tandem and it's a little more aggressive airplane.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Meaning you guys are stacked, you know, one behind the other. So it's a thinner, more aerodynamic.

[Rob Riggle]

Right. And you sit in front of the instructor and the instructor can generally yell things at you and throw clipboards at your helmet, screw up and do stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that's no F18, but as far as the propeller driven stuff goes, it's about as acrobatic and responsive and fun and fast as you get in the propeller era. Right?

[Rob Riggle]

Absolutely, Absolutely. Absolutely. No doubt about it. And then, of course, you know, I went up. I've been up in many an aircraft too. I mean, I, I've flown in EA6B Prowlers, which are those big jets. They look like the old A6.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Fly to the Intruder, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah. So they. And those, those. That was a blast. You know, we went up, I went up on a BAM flight, which is a basic air maneuver flight and have to do them every quarter or so. You know, basically it's just a rock and roll flight. You go up and you just rock that plane. Doing aerobatics, basic air maneuvers. You're doing Immelmann split S's, barrel rolls, loops, you're doing 4G turns and then you slam it the other way without unloading it. So you're turning four GS this way, and then you slam it over. You do four GS the other way.

[Adam Carolla]

And I mean, it's really. It's like you're trying to shear a wing off, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, exactly. You're pushing it as hard as you can without breaking the aircraft. And then, you know, I was in the back, and the pilots, I knew, they were trying to get me to puke, but I hung up. I was very proud of myself for not puking.

[Adam Carolla]

I talked to. And I don't know if you've ever talked to Tom cruise about his P51 Mustang, but Tom.

[Rob Riggle]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's a weird thing, Rob. And you as a pilot and me as a civilian, but a guy who thinks like a pilot. I talked to Tom Cruise and he said, yeah, I got a P51 Mustang. And I said, wow, that's a lot of plane, you know. And he said, yeah. And he said, I fly it time to time, you know. And I thought, you fly a P51 Mustang? And then I thought, well, you must have somebody in there with you who's pretty experienced, because that plane's a handful. It's a tail dragger and it's a V12, and it's, I don't know, supercharged or turbocharged. Supercharged, and it's a beast. And then I realized when I saw some sort of 2020 piece on him, that he had one of the only P51 Mustang trainers I'd ever seen in my life. I'd never seen a P51 trainer. I've only seen the single blister cockpit, you know, just one. One pilot, cockpit, P51 Mustang. I'd never seen the stacked one. Have you ever seen one of those?

[Rob Riggle]

Right. I've never seen a stacked one, but obviously you have to have a. I know. They have to exist or you couldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Train people to fly them, right?

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah, because that thing's a beast, like you said. I mean, just taxing that thing is a gargantuan proposition.

[Adam Carolla]

I always thought it'd be the greatest, you know, in terms of, like, news stories, you know, Rob, you think about celebrities getting DUIs, and once in a while, you know, Mel Gibson freaks out and starts screaming at his old lady about getting a blowjob in a hot tub. And, you know, that makes pretty good news. But Tom Cruise loading up the P51 Mustang with ordnance and going up and down Hollywood Boulevard and strafing people would be the Greatest celebrity meltdown of all time, would it not? It would.

[Rob Riggle]

Well, that would be the new standard. That would be the new. What people would have to try to aspire to as far as ultimate meltdowns.

[Adam Carolla]

Move over.

[Rob Riggle]

Fatty Arbuckle just right him just raking, just raking Hollywood boulevard out of P51 until it finally run out of gas. And then he takes it into a building.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's got a new. Oh, okay. It's perfect. First off, he's got a lot of money, he's got a lot of juice, he's got a lot of guys working for him. You know, first thing he says is, I want to make this thing fully functional. And he tells the guy it's for a movie that's coming up World War II movie's doing, but he's going to have to make it fully functional. So he gets a guy out there who, you know, knows his way around a blacksmith table and he gets that thing back up and running with the.50 caliber, whatever machine gun, maybe the cannon in the front. I don't know what that thing, that thing ultimately had a cannon and probably a couple of, you know, two in each wing. And he gets the thing fully loaded up.

[Rob Riggle]

It had 6.50cals, three in each wing, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Beautiful.

[Rob Riggle]

Now that's a lot of destruction, A lot of damage that thing can do.

[Adam Carolla]

We add the drop tank as well. We get the extra.

[Rob Riggle]

He can stay up there. He can stay in orbit over Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

Boulevard for hours with that drop tank. Right. Or just extra fuel when he flies into the Cinerama Dome while his movie is playing to end the whole thing. Okay, but hold on. So now he's up there just strafing up and down Walk of Fame. Just up and down the Walk of Fame. You know, he detours the sunset. Maybe he just goes over to Malibu to give it to Cher, you know what I mean? Or whoever, whatever highfalutin celebrities over there, you know, but. But he basically sticks that area. Now what's LAPD gonna do? They get some birds in the air where they got cops hanging out of the side of the helicopter with AR, you know, M16s. Like, what are they doing? What's their helicopter gonna do?

[Rob Riggle]

Maybe, maybe they could. Maybe they could get into a hover and try to shoot at the engine with some high power. But even that, you know, you're not going to stop Tom cruise in a P51 fully loaded when he's got helmet for leather.

[Adam Carolla]

He's come on, he's. He's coming.

[Rob Riggle]

You could even put a couple 500 pounders on the bottom of that thing so he could really get busy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, he hits the Scientology celebrity center. That's the first bomb that gets dropped. Oh, this is getting so good. All right, now you got a couple birds in the air. LAPD birds in the air. They don't have any guns on them. They have guys hanging out with pistols and rifles. They're not doing anything. Tom cruise going by 500 miles an hour.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what do we do?

[Rob Riggle]

I don't know, but I don't know. They'd have to scramble jets out of San Diego. I would think Miramar, get up here. But. Yeah, but by the time that's done, I mean, he's already handled most of his business.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And by the way, it's not like anyone would know when Tom Cruise said, yeah, I'm gonna go fire up the P51. Not. Not like anyone said, let's scramble those birds out of San Diego. He'd probably. He'd get in a good hour of strafing before he encountered anything. And then when he did encounter something, what would he do? Because they just take him out right over Hollywood Boulevard. That's more innocent death and destruction.

[Rob Riggle]

I think so. And Tom was. You know, Tom gets into character when he gets into it, so I don't think he'd take him down that easy. I think he.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Obviously, during the filming of Top Gun, he did get some seat time and something, at least a simulator. I mean, the man. I'm just saying, when the dust settled on this day, would there be a bigger celebrity meltdown ever? And could you ever top it?

[Rob Riggle]

No, there will never be a bigger meltdown than that. And I don't see how you could just. Even in the physical realm, how you could top it.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Rob.

[Rob Riggle]

I think that's the ultimate. I think you've just described the Everest of meltdowns.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Thus, you get a plug. Website, facebook.com Budlight Twitter, Obriggle Campaign, Bud Light superstition survey. I'm interested in this, Rob. Did I hit? Did I get it for you? Are you good?

[Rob Riggle]

I'm good. I think you nailed it. And I'm going to think about this scenario you painted pretty much for the rest of the month.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate that. And if you could. Ooh, let's see. You know what? Since his plane is a tandem, right. Why don't we have some other celebrity in the back of it? Not an instructor, obviously, but another angry, demented celebrity. Let's put Mel Gibson in There. I don't know. We can think about Kanye. What about Kanye? I feel like Kanye loves himself too much for this. He doesn't want to go out this way. I'm thinking more of Dennis Hopper's passed away. Right. But when Dennis Hopper at a certain point had that, you know, there's that death sentence where the doctor says, look, it's inoperable. You have six months to live. I'm sorry. Go make peace with your God. That's the guy we need in the back of the airplane with the naked. With the old time aviator's leather helmet on, just screaming, we'll work on this. Maybe Nicole Kidman, maybe they reunite. I don't know. There's a lot of possibilities here, Rob.

[Rob Riggle]

Whoever's in the back, though, I want the experience to be enhanced. I want them to be on hard drugs like pcp, like that kind of stuff where they're impervious to any kind of pain or feeling.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

Really out there.

[Adam Carolla]

And at a certain point when Cruise gets shot up, this person just crawls over them and starts flying the plane erratically but still keeping it in the air.

[Rob Riggle]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we're going to hammer this out. Next time you're in la, Rob, you come in studio, and we're really going to get. We're really going to hammer out the details.

[Rob Riggle]

I love it. And I want the guy, whoever it is, I want him so hopped up. Did you ever see Sharkey's Machine?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Burt Reynolds? Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

And the scary albino. He shot him like a hundred times, but it had no effect on him because he was right on that pcp.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rob Riggle]

That's what I want. Whoever's in the backseat to be on. So you can't take them down. You just can't.

[Adam Carolla]

The super timely Sharky's Machine reference. Thanks, Rob. We'll talk soon.

[Rob Riggle]

Hey, thanks for having me, Adam. Take care, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. The great Rob Riggle. Love me some Rob Riggle.

[Kelly James]

It doesn't feel like I'm in the mood, too. It doesn't taste like when it used to. I hate how I'm feeling now.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't care if I get.

[Kelly James]

Used to all the things they say I should.

[Adam Carolla]

Kelly James in the studio. The pattern transcending. Name of the album available on Amazon and itunes. You know what to do with the whole Amazon thing. You click through adamcarla. Come hit the banner. Put a little wind in the sail. So the pirate ship. Good to see you again, Kelly.

[Brian Bishop]

You too.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for coming by. Kelly came by with a pitching legend, Barry Zito. The first time around, he got his foot in the door. And then we said, all right, this kid's cool.

[Allison Rosen]

And we're like, but let's lose, Barry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, Cy. Take your young with you and hit the bricks. So now, by the way, postseason, where are we at? See, Dodgers are moving on.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They're just finishing up the first round now.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

A couple teams are still playing, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think Dodgers have moved on, Cardinals moved on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oakland.

[Allison Rosen]

Detroit's playing.

[Adam Carolla]

They played today.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think Verland was pitching.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not sure what was the out there.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

So we're almost in the second round.

[Adam Carolla]

Dodgers are dead to me until they get a decent fucking hot dog. I don't care if they're gonna be wild, dude. I don't care. There's been little. There's been little things. Articles and things written about very horrible hot dog chatter. There's wiener buzz. Really? So was there a point where you liked the Dodger dog or you never liked it? I know. It's just. It's a bad dog. I mean, for me, I get in this argument of grilled versus steamed and whatever. To me, the Chicagoan style, the casing, when it snaps and you get that rush of juice, and it's a steamed dog. That's the best. Dodgers have casing. Less sort of meat. Fleshy wand. Yeah. It's just. It's something really. It's often, like, you do think of a dog. Like, my dog would happily eat a Dodger Dog. Because they're dumb. They're not discerning. And there's more meat. Here's how you know they're bad. There's twice as much meat as a good dog for, like, the same price. So obviously, the meat is fucking horrible.

[Allison Rosen]

They're giving it away.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, the dog hangs out. It's like beige. It's what you would get at school or in prison.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It just exists solely on nostalgia and tradition. People are like, oh, this one was a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

How dare you say that about the Dodger. Fuck you, idiots. A horrible piece of food. It looks like it came off the reject line. Like, those weren't the ones that were supposed to be there, you know? My theory with it is there's two parts. There's nostalgia. There's Mexico and there's Armenia, which is. If they had guys from Chicago and those dogs were put in front of them, they'd set the fucking stadium on fire.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

If they had dudes back like balls in the outfield.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. They had guys that were used. You Know guys that tailgated at Bears games and you and you offered that up as a. As a. As a hot dog offering, they would set the fucking place on fire. The Dodger Stadium is filled with a lot of folks that weren't born here and don't really have the hot dog concept. Downright East Coasters and Chicagoan guys fucking say fat.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The Chicago guys would look at that and be like, how am I supposed to get this lodged in my heart? It's so small and thin.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So they need to get a new dog in there. That's it. Or let me bring in my own. Kelly, you're gonna do a song. We're gonna do some news. And then you're gonna do your famous freestyle. Yeah, we'll get something going. Yeah. Allison better be thinking of some good topics. She shall. She should. What's this one called? This song's called Marinade.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Goes like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. What's it go like? Just as long as you don't yell Freebird, we're good.

[Kelly James]

Alone in the dark A fade of the light can we just stay for half the night?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kelly James]

I really needed to Just to live inside these walls.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm one of.

[Kelly James]

Those Caught in between what I'd said and what I could mean yeah what is right and what I really think.

[Allison Rosen]

I want.

[Kelly James]

Your kisses like stars aren't for me Aren't for now they're for anyone who wants to take a.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Kelly James]

I'd give anything just to be Just to see under the sky when midnight comes unhooked yeah I need you sheep and I want to bed I love the taste of your marinade I leave to hear in and I want you back I love the taste of your marinade so let me marinate only once never again that's what we said I won't regret you treat me like you've always had me here Only once, never again that's what we said But I won't regret you treat me like you always had me here yeah in shadows hide the real me the real you the poison keeps us numb from the truth I know that you sleep with a clear mind with my arm across your chest but when I'm with you I'm not with you this malaise will never rest no, I be too he bend out I want you bear I love the taste of your marinade I need you here and I want you bad I love the taste of your marinade so let me marinate you Rise from the depths With a bottle and a dress with enough to make me guess a little preview I'm staring at the moon why you doing what you do? And you say you like it too But I can see through and Juliet mixed with booze and sugar sweat she says I'm not finished yet from the gutter to a private jet Keys on a motel TV set Watching reruns to forget choose the wrong fish in the net that's just what you're gonna get I need you here and I want to bed I love the taste of your marinade I need to hear and I want your bed I love the taste of your marinade so let me marinate.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I'm gonna pay you an amazing compliment. I'm hungry and horny right now, and it's usually one or the other, and that's about the most you can say about a song. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm ready to go.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like. What? Food is not safe around you right now.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Donuts. Beware.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice job. Kelly always sounds great on the show. We'll do a little Kelly's freestyle coming up. The pattern transcending the name of the album.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

One of the rare pop songs they use. Malaise. I've never heard that often.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Try to keep it interesting. Should we do some news? Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't even recognize the song without hearing what the fuck? Or someone screaming in the middle of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What the fuck?

[Allison Rosen]

What the fuck? So thank you. I feel right now. Kanye west was on Jimmy Kimmel last night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And it was the highest rated episode of the show in the 11:35 time slot. And he beat.

[Adam Carolla]

So he beat. He won everyone in the 1130 and himself.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And his highest. But everyone's highest.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But also winner of the night.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Beat Leno and Letterman combined.

[Adam Carolla]

Combined.

[Allison Rosen]

That is what I heard. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. That is awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. So they buried the hatchet.

[Adam Carolla]

And imagine if they let the funny one host the show. Imagine what the ratings would be then. Less than 1 back then. Yeah, that's right. And we double the double. That's three times as much, maybe more.

[Allison Rosen]

So at the very end, Kanye presented Jimmy Kimmel with a pair of leather jogging pants.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is that Jimmy presenting? Jimmy presented Kanye with that. Right. For the baby.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's all right.

[Allison Rosen]

That Makes more sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Real news.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, well, this actually isn't real news. Well, the ratings are okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the ratings part of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Okay, so we have a few clips.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

And let's enjoy. Let's watch one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, I'm not running for office. You know what I'm saying? I'm just here to, like, make good music, make people feel good when they hear my music. And, you know, when I did that interview, I was really vocal about a lot of things that I've been dealing with over the past 10 years when I was putting in classification of, you know, just a celebrity, because, you know, for me, you know, I'm a creative genius, and there's no other way to word it. I know you're not supposed to say that about yourself. And I say things the wrong way a lot of times if my intention is always positive. And I want to bring more things to the world, I want to help the world. I want to make people's lives easier. Get that Dodger Dog. Change Kanye. Got enough juice. Really want to help society? Want to leave a legacy?

[Allison Rosen]

That's what you should turn your creative geniosity to, you know, quietly.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure Albert Brooks feels the same way, so I don't know, why not vocalize it? You know? I mean, he's better at what he does than other people that does what he do, so why not? Why not own it?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well put.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Do you watch it, by the way? Do you guys watch this thing?

[Adam Carolla]

I tivoed it. I was ready to watch it tonight.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Rambling is not an inaccurate description. You know what I mean? It would not be an inaccurate description of what Kanye.

[Allison Rosen]

I would never realize how he has a manic energy.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, he. He might be a little Aspergery, you know what I mean? He wasn't really talking to Kimmel. He was just kind of talking out to the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, I do say everybody needs a. As I've said all the time, they need my buddy Ray going, where the fuck are you going with those cowboy boots? You look gay. I'm not going out with you. To sort of keep you humble. And also, it's that thing where we used to do it on Loveline all the time. Like, I'd be talking to some chick, and she'd be going. I go, okay, what's the problem? Because we're getting to the end of the hour here. Well, hold on, hold on, Dr. Drew, I think you are the one who is the smart one, but Adam is the funny one. And I'd go, all right, thanks. Now, before we go to break, why don't you tell us what your problem is? Wait a second. Wait a second. But, Adam, sometimes you can say. And I'll just stop and go, you're hot, aren't you? And I go, well, I'm not. Yeah. I mean, I'm. I think I'm cute. Were you do guy? Yes. I mean, guys do come up to me. All in your high school where you voted most likely to be hot now. Well, I was. Yeah, I was not sure.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Did you ever go to a dance alone?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was a prom queen. Yeah. And you go, okay, this is where the super annoying thing is coming from, where you don't edit yourself, because no one has ever went, bitch, shut the fuck up. Because all we've been doing is sitting around looking at your hotness. So you don't get a governor. You don't get a timer. Ugly people get a timer. And every time they start a sentence, they flip it over like they're on the deck of some medieval sailing ship. You know, they're doing. They're marking the twine. And yeah, it's like they flip it over because you're on. Fatty's on the clock. Fatty's always on the clock. Hottie. She's talking all fucking day long.

[Allison Rosen]

That's going to be my new podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Fat is on the Clock. And it's a cadence, and you can start hearing it, and you go, oh, this is a person that's never been told to shut up. So I can tell who's hot. Now, Kanye has probably not had this sentence uttered to him in the last 15 to 20 years. What the fuck are you talking about?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

You sound like an idiot. You know what I mean? He's had a lot of basically whatever the talented, super successful, and super rich version of the hot chick is that surrounded him. A lot of folks nodding their head, calling them boss, like they do with me over here.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You got a boss.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, Aceman. Am I right, Ace, man?

[Allison Rosen]

Gary called you sir the other day. Did you hear that?

[Adam Carolla]

Who?

[Allison Rosen]

Gary.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I don't think Kanye has that. I think if you were in Kanye's posse and you were my buddy Ray, and you went, what the fuck are you talking about? No one knows. You're rambling. You sound like an asshole. You'd be out of the posse pretty quickly, and thus, you don't have a governor. You don't have that little sand clock that you turn over. Yes, the Little hourglass that you turn over, which is the egg timer, which is, you are on the clock, fatty.

[Allison Rosen]

And we have another clip where he talks about his motivations.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I could care less about any of these cameras. In all honesty.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

All I care about is my family.

[Adam Carolla]

I care about protecting my girl, protecting my baby, and protecting my ideas and my dreams, you know? And that's the reason why I went so crazy. That's why I went crazy.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Look at his eyes, though. He never really looks at Jimmy when he's talking. He's just kind of out into the world. He's just projecting in front of an audience.

[Allison Rosen]

Another opportunity for you to look at his eyes. If you want. We have one more clip where he is. Here's some harsh words for the Walk of Fame, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to shout out the stars of the Walk of Fame right quick because they said something about they're not gonna put my girl on the Walk of Fame because, you know, she's a reality star. It's like, people are so, so dated and not modern. It's like, there's no way a Kim Kardashian shouldn't have a star on the Walk of Fame. It's like. It's ridiculous old, like, concepts for me. It's like, I'm just gonna give y' all the truth, and y' all gonna learn to love it. And it's like, my grandfather loved Ali till he died, and my grandmother hated Ali till she passed, you know? So you're gonna love me or you're gonna hate me, but I'm gonna be me. All right, Hani and Wes is here. What the fuck? You can watch, by the way, on Hulu if you want to watch the Kimmel spots. Yeah. Most people that say, look, some people love me. Some people, it's usually Nana. Most people hate you.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You overrate the number of people.

[Adam Carolla]

It ain't 50, 50. This ain't the same coffee at the hotel room. It ain't half decaf, half regular. This is a landslide of people. But look, who gives a shit? We're living in that, by the way. I feel like if Kim Kardashian got her thing, the problem with putting her in on the Walk of Fame, it's sort of like saying, you know, Drew Bledsoe's going into Canton. You know what I mean? It's kind of. It's not good. Stick with me.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Alice is nodding vigorously.

[Allison Rosen]

For a second, I thought he was referring to Tempest Bledsoe, but that's a totally different discussion.

[Adam Carolla]

If you put Drew Bledsoe in the Football hall of Fame. It lessens it for John Elway and Roger Starbuck. That's. It hurts. Now you're in. You're in the same company. So for the, you know, Marlon Brando or all the other luminaries and greats that Merle. Anyone with MB really might be on there. Yes. Wow. Good pull. It's not really fair to them. That's what I would say. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

I just thought it was interesting how he kind of turned into a Valley girl rap star at the end. He said like was every other word, but then also truth.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, some people, though, think that this whole thing was a stunt. And I know it wasn't, but do you understand where that thought is coming from?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, because he's the boy who cried stunt. This is fresh off of the back of a stunt that he cooked and set up. It was ingenious. But of course, whatever you do next.

[Allison Rosen]

And especially when it's netting such huge ratings.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but the ratings come after the stunt, and people are already crying stunt even before the ratings come out. It's just on the heels of the last one. No one believes the next one, especially when the next one could easily be cooked up this way. But it's not. This is serendipitous.

[Allison Rosen]

What I was saying to someone who wondered if it was all stunt was that I don't think. Does Kimmel ever pull a prank and not do a reveal? I think there's always that moment where he reveals. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

When he led me to believe that Natalie Manes from the Dixie Chicks wanted to have sex, like, violent sex with me in a parking lot. He revealed it. Actually, she revealed it to me. Actually, that was her reveal. He revealed it by standing on his desk and videotaping me.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Most of the fun is the reveal when it comes to a prank.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Otherwise, what's the point of doing the prank?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Just like, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is not that. No. The only way this would work is if he said he was able to contact Kanye and say, and Kanye was sane. And then he said, I want you to make an ask yourself with all these horrific tweets. I just don't think Kanye would have been down with that. Plus, I talked to Jimmy about it multiple times. That Kanye called him in his office and started yelling at him so and so forth. He wouldn't tell me that.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. So the United States.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course that's what I would say if I was in on it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I didn't think that you might be a Confederate.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about. That's just what Kimmel would do. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. The United States Postal Service has halted an entire run of stamps, and they are now destroying these stamps. It's a Just move line of stamps, which was inspired by Michelle Obama's Let's Move health initiative.

[Adam Carolla]

So the stamps, where are we at, by the way? Are we. Where are we gonna be 10 years from now? Please sit up. Swallow, chew.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Breathe in, breathe out.

[Adam Carolla]

Breathe. Like, hey, kids, come on, let's get out there and move.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, it's like, those are loud stamps.

[Adam Carolla]

You're fucking 12. You're supposed to move.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I remember when I was in middle school, that was when the first George Bush had the President's Physical fitness challenge and Arnold Schwarzenegger was in charge. And that was the. Come on, kids, we can all accomplish these, you know, run a mile in so many seconds or do so many push ups.

[Allison Rosen]

We did that in my school shuttle run.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like run a mile, do push ups. Now we're just fucking. Would you please leave the house and walk somewhere? Right, so it's a line of stamps.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. So each stamp depicts a different physical activity and active lifestyle. But the reason that they are halting the stamps and now destroying them is because President's Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition was. They said to pull the plug because they were concerned that these stamps, three of them at least, depict unsafe activities. And the first offending.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, is the government shut down or isn't it? Cuz if it's shut down, let's save the stamp burning for after we get things settled up and get back going again.

[Allison Rosen]

Number one, Fahrenheit 451 with this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I love the fact I feel like the government makes my point every four fucking 300 times a day. With the direction we're going and the fact that it cost whatever to print these and now it's gonna cost whatever to destroy them. First off, what kid ever looks at deals with a stamp? Number one, it's their parents. And I don't know even what parents deal a lot these days in stamps. But you see a kid, what, doing a handstand?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yeah, okay, so the first offending stamp depicts a child performing a cannonball. The second, a child skateboarding without keypads.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, a cannonball. The alternative to a cannonball is a dive, and that's where you break your neck. Cannonball's probably safer. Not probably every single guy in a wheelchair right now who did the diving board move where he did the head first. And it Smacked on the shallow end, did not do a cannonball and wishes to Christ he'd done a cannonball and. Or a jackknife.

[Allison Rosen]

I think the alternative is slowly lowering yourself into the body of water by.

[Adam Carolla]

Just walking, using, like, the handicap plunger. All right, so doing a. We're asking kids not to do a cannonball because it's too dangerous.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so we're burning probably hundreds of thousands, millions of stamps because.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, and then also a child skateboarding without knee pads.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

And a child performing a headstand without a helmet.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, that I don't understand. First off, I don't know that you. You don't need a helmet to do a headstand. And I think it probably would cause you more problems than it would help you. You use a helmet in situations where your head may slam against the pavement. This is you quietly and slowly placing your head against the carpet or grass.

[Allison Rosen]

A flat bottom helmet, in which case it would just help.

[Adam Carolla]

And then that's cheating.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're doing a headstand without a helmet.

[Allison Rosen]

Could you guys do headstands when you were young?

[Adam Carolla]

I can do a fucking yoga stand right now.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I guess the wall.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I mean free.

[Adam Carolla]

Free yoga.

[Allison Rosen]

You do a handstand.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I can't do a handstand. I did my yoga stand in here last time, didn't I?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I think you did.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Was that the one where you balance sort of in a sitting position?

[Adam Carolla]

No. You do the elbows and the hand lock?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yes. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I can do that for, like, two hours. But I have weird balance. I can't do the handstand. I can do the. The regular headstand and the yoga version of said headstand.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Which I do to my daughter all the time because she's trying to do it, and I go watch daddy do it, and then daddy does it, and then I get up and then she fucking pushes me over. And there's toys and shit strewn about the bedroom. Like, daddy's gonna land with, like, you know, Viking castle on the small of his back and be out of commission. Jesus Christ.

[Kelly James]

If anything, they should be wearing knee pads or a back guard or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Like that helmet's the last thing you need for a headstand if you were.

[Kelly James]

Trying to protect a headstand.

[Adam Carolla]

We're just. Look, let's. First off, what are we doing? Can we. It's just. Now, it was sort of, you know when I said in 50 years, wallaby chicks was the name of my book from three years ago. Was sort of. I Was saying, all right, here's where we're going. But it was. Not everyone was on board. Can we agree that it has gone to the point where this seems, like, farcical? Like a lot of these headlines are headlines from the Onion, right? This doesn't. I don't care how.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like a Michael McKean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it really is. It really is now. And we've gone insane. It's, look, parents, parent kids, be kids. Get a scrape on your knee, eat a little dirt, do a headstand without a helmet, just like we all did. Do a cannonball. It's a rite of passage to do a cannonball into a swimming pool. And let's move on. And we seem to have an unlimited amount of money to spend on all of this shit. Let me tell you where all this shit should be going. And by the way, you're not gonna educate kids to not do cannonballs. You're not gonna educate kids to wear helmets when they do headstands. It just doesn't exist. It's too far from the realm of just reality and possibility. And then there's a whole secondary level of stuff of, hey, you know, hey, dad, be a dad. You know, be a hero, be a dad. Or, hey, little girl, you're beautiful. Feel good about you no matter what you look like, you're beautiful. It's like, well, that's a horrible mess. That's not what we're saying. What we're saying should be saying is focus on a million different things and not your beauty, not your beautiful, no matter what. We're trying to get away from the beautiful part and focus on the education. And by the way, people yelling at you, you're beautiful, does not build your self esteem. You'll figure out what your worth is on the marketplace by how long it takes a guy to go bitch, get to the point. So we spend millions of dollars on these campaigns. Meanwhile, nary a word, really, on mental illness. I've said this many times, many discussions.

[Allison Rosen]

Great set of stamps.

[Adam Carolla]

Many. But many a discussion on secondhand smoke and motorboat safety and, hey, little girl, feel good about yourself because you're beautiful. Not only you're beautiful, you're beautiful. Everyone's beautiful. We're all beautiful. Everyone's beautiful. All right, who's gonna be the prom queen? All of us. We're all beautiful. Remember, Dick, no one gleans anything off of this. It doesn't educate anyone to do anything. It's always about the parents. It's never about the fucking stamps for the love Of Christ. Look, it cost us probably hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of dollars to print these stamps up. Good, send them out. Let's get our money back. Let's not put them in the incinerator like idiots. And do we have money or don't we have money? What's it cost to run the White House tours? Do we have enough money? No, but we're gonna incinerate a whole shitload of stamps. Oh, we got money for that. I don't get it anymore. This is that fucking parent's parent. Let's move the fuck on. Government will shriek you. The reason I want to shrink you is because you're retarded.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, another thing, and this is pointing out the obvious here, but this was inspired by Michelle Obama's campaign. And then it was the Postal service, which is part of the government, who printed up the stamps. And then it was the presidential counsel who put the kibosh on it. Like, where's the communication? Not happening.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, if this were a business, like a real business with a real bottom line, there would be decisions made and then people would get shit canned all the time. To just be like that cost this company several million dollars. Now who's the fucking nimrod that's behind this idea? And who's gonna get shit canned? This is always playing with the house money. No one ever gets fired. All the bad ideas, we'll just incinerate that. We'll move on to the next thing. And by the way, I can start paying my fair share anytime now. Speaking of stamps. Stamps, dot com, baby.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

This whole mess could have been avoided.

[Adam Carolla]

All avoided. With stamps.com. you save tons of dough, you don't have to get the charred remains of the stamps of the kid doing the insanely, very dangerous and very, very ill conceived cannonball into. Into. I wonder when the jackknife move is going to be outlawed. Because it's called jackknife. We have to call it Nerf knife move now. Friendly knife. That's right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Friendly jab.

[Adam Carolla]

Friendly tab.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Friendly poke.

[Adam Carolla]

Friendly poke. All right, Anyway, save tons of dough. Forget about the postage meter. That's for the birds. Sorry to use the foul language once again, but that is for the birds. Those postage meters and I don't usually go blue. Special offer, no risk trial. 110 buck offer includes the digital scale. You plug that right in your computer, you put your little parcel on there, and it tells you exactly how many of those cannonball stamps to put on it. No, you don't use those anymore. You print postage right from your own printer. Go to stamps.com. before you do anything else, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, Type in Adam. That's stamps.com. enter Adam. All right, what else we got? One more.

[Allison Rosen]

Ariel Castro may have died. So remember Ariel Castro, the monster who kept the women chained up in Cleveland for years and years.

[Adam Carolla]

I am sorry. Full of names, by the way. Like, I. Honestly, what just flashed through your head? Well, I'll tell you why. When I grew up, it was like, you know Joe Namath. Yep. And Snoopy. Yep. Then you're good. Now there's Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and all these fucking names that. Like, who? The prime minister. Where? What's it. Fuck, Stan, I don't even know what that is. When I read the headline, Ariel Castro may have died with autoerotic asphyxiation, I was like, that was that Cuban kid who came over here like 12 years ago, right? What is he jacking off already? I guess so. He'd probably be like 20, 23, 24. He's adult now. He's old enough to beat off and old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. He's back in Havana, beat himself half the day. What was that kid's name?

[Allison Rosen]

Elian Gonzalez. Is that he means?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, probably.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all just one big.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It was Elian.

[Adam Carolla]

Crazy foreign. What is that kid was that story.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The little kid was Elian got.

[Adam Carolla]

So is that 12 years old now?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I feel like that was like. Wasn't that like 95 maybe?

[Adam Carolla]

It seems like it was a long. A long time ago. Either way, we're gonna find out. I should do a thing called prepare to feel old when you realize that kid's 28.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You're like, what, playing shortstop for the Marlins?

[Allison Rosen]

You know how. You know how we'll know roughly when it was. Matt, do you know who we're talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're looking up right now. I think it looks like 99. Maybe that. 14 years. All right, that feels. Feels about. Was he 11 at the time? Was he 10? Yeah, it appears he was born in 93 and that happened in 99, so that's 6. Oh, okay, so he's 20 now. He's a 20 year old dude. That's correct.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I don't know how he gets off, but Ariel Castro was the guy who kept the women chained up in Cleveland, and news came out that he hung himself in jail. Well, now they're saying, as you just said, he might have died from autoerotic asphyxiation. Excuse me. Because his pants and underwear were pulled down to his ankles when he was found.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Allison Rosen]

And he had a big smile on his face.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Why do you stay too messing in that situation? I'm not joking around, but if you. If you're.

[Allison Rosen]

I've always wondered, what does rigor mortis do?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, why would I. What am I, coroner? Why are you asking me if he had his pants pulled down? He probably was. He's also, you know, had a pretty rich history of sexual addiction. And this, by the way, for him, this is a nap. You know, feeding off in prison with shoelaces around your neck compared to having people chained up in your basement.

[Allison Rosen]

Also, they said that people had analyzed him in the prison and they didn't think that he was the type to commit suicide. But. But this amused me. They admitted they had failed to make him watch a special suicide prevention video that they usually make inmates watch. What could this video be?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. They tell him he's beautiful. Yeah. Everyone is beautiful. All I could remember. I don't know. It reminds me of when I worked at McDonald's. I had to go down to the basement and watch an instructional video before I went upstairs and got behind the grill. Not behind the counter, the fucking grill. They would not let me handle money or interface with the customers, but I was working the grill. But they showed me one of their video cassettes. I think there's just a video. I think there's some sort of rule that says we have to show them a video cassette before they go to work so we don't get sued. What's on it? Who gives a fuck? They just say they saw the cassette, they viewed the cassette, and then it's not on us anymore. Couple things. It is going to be great when the ACLU sues. And also some lawyer gets involved on behalf of his family, saying if he had seen that videotape, which by law, all prisoners must see. And now we got one dead sexual predator on our hands. But that's not the point. The video should have been shown to him. It wasn't. Somebody's negligent and somebody needs to pay. That's going to be nice. It's going to be nice for the aclu. It's the tip of the spear for that one.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Does Gloria Allred have the balls to go to bat for Ariel Castro?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, she's got big, meaty balls.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

True.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a genius, that one. Because when I had an argument with her seven years ago now, and she was explaining that Michael Richards dropping 20N bombs may just help his career.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Help his career. Well, his career's not over yet, Adam. Is it? Is it? No, it's still my double's career.

[Adam Carolla]

She said, again, it's the stupid or liar thing. She goes. I go, it's not gonna help his career. And she's, you don't know that. I like when people say that. You don't know that. You don't know that dipping your kid in acid's gonna hurt his vision.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Have you done it before?

[Adam Carolla]

Have you done it before? You don't have the back experience. Are you an acid expert?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Show me your degree in acidology.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, believe me, it's gonna hurt his career. I'm sure. Definitely gonna hurt his career. You don't know. Then she said, do you have a crystal ball? Which I fucking hate when people say, but these bitches are all arguing with the wrong dude. Because my immediate answer was, I have a crystal brain and that's all I need. You don't need a crystal ball if you have a fucking crystal brain. And then you'll know. And I'm sure she'll be calling in to apologize anytime now for being wrong about Michael Richards non career of the last six, seven years.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Apology.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. So there could be a lawsuit because they failed to show him the video. When I was at McDonald's, I saw the video that depicted a takeover style robbery where guys jumped up on the counters with, like, machine guns. And the video simply said, comply. We need no heroes. And I always just laugh. I mean, even at the time when I was like 15 and a half or 16, I just thought, what do you think I'm doing going over the grill in slow motion? Not on my watch, you know, as I wrestle the Mac 10 away from the guy, or Mac 9 or Big Mac or whatever it is. And it fires into the air in slow motion and we go tumbling over the top of the counter. It's like I was laughing. I remember thinking, I'm jumping in the van with you. I'm going to be running behind the van yelling, no. Take me my fucking apron, holding my hat. You left one behind. You never leave a brother behind. All right, what do we got? You want to do one more song? Let's do one more song. Do we have let's Wrap up the News. Bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

Wrap up the News. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunts.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. I wish he died killing himself, though, don't you?

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe he did.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, either way, he did. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But. But the killing yourself is a. You're making a statement. I'm insanely depressed. I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life in this place, and I'm taking myself off the earth versus I'm fucking horny.

[Allison Rosen]

It's just some remorse, which probably you.

[Adam Carolla]

Wouldn'T have felt, but this is the opposite of remorse.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Shall we do freestyle, Kelly? Yeah, let's do something. What do you think? You want to write a song on the spot real quick? Okay, Can. Can you guys help me though? Sure. I need a letter. Alison, between A and G. Any letter D. D. All right, this is a D chord. Brian, I need a letter between A and G. Any letter B. B. All right, That's B minor. Adam, I need a letter between A, C. All right, so we got D. We got B, B minor, and C. All right, what's this? I didn't hear him say B minor. That is true.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It was implied.

[Kelly James]

But, you know, I'm like Kanye. I'm a creative genius right now, so I'm gonna.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm gonna use my creative license.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what are we singing about? What's the song about?

[Allison Rosen]

Autoerotic association.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what about that? Well, you know that little Cuban kid who killed himself tragically in Havana just a couple weeks ago? Okay, me again.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That story mixed out a little. The story's like.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all the Adam Carolla show.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Right on, ace.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what about auto Erotic asphyciation?

[Allison Rosen]

The pros and the cons.

[Adam Carolla]

The pros and the cons. What are the pros? What are the cons?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I'm writing the song.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a pros.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. The pros are you can do it anywhere if you have something to hang yourself with and a little privacy. The cons are it's dangerous and messy.

[Adam Carolla]

They could find you that way. Yeah, I can throw. You throw a name out. David Carradine. Okay. I thought he may have went that way. David Carney, my. My old manager's assistant went out that way as well. Very tragic. Michael Hutchins, bring in excess. Yeah. All right. Anybody ever tried it in this room? Yeah. No.

[Brian Bishop]

No, My.

[Adam Carolla]

My grandmother, in a very uncomfortable Corolla moment, warned me about it. That was a wildly. That's second only to her asking me if I knew what a rim job was. I think in terms of scarring me.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Emotionally, that would be tied for number one for me. How did she hold time choosing?

[Adam Carolla]

If you're trying to get me to not beat off grandma, Mission accomplished, by the way. Huh?

[Allison Rosen]

What was her warning? Just don't do this.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. Yeah. Was like, oh, no, it wasn't like, you know, always have. Always have someone standing by. In a safe word. It was. It wasn't an instructional video. It was like, uh, you know what? You're 16. You're probably beaten off. Right? So don't do the thing where you put a fucking grocery sack over your head. That's. We don't want to find you there. I like this. Alright, here we go. It's called autoperotic asphyxiation. Dedicated to Allison. Yeah.

[Kelly James]

Please don't. Cause Adam's grandma said you shouldn't.

[Allison Rosen]

She wants to.

[Kelly James]

If you're messing around and you say no, I don't know what that is, but I can't eat my dinner now. It's falling over my face. I'm a slob. Damn. Did you ask about a rim job? Please, grandma. Why you gotta bring up rated X things when I'm talking about this? You ain't ever had sex in my mind, but now you questioning me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

What?

[Kelly James]

You think that Allison's a freak? Nah, she's a good girl. Yeah, at least she pretends so. I saw her little face. She's like, did I do it?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Okay.

[Kelly James]

Yeah, well, you answered it like a question. Adam's over there.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Kelly James]

You know where he's repping. This is how we do it now. I'm talking about Ace. He wears sandals cuz he used all his shoelace is. And you know it's none of my biz, but maybe you went and gone and then tried it. Your grandma said no. She was just trying to be true. She was like Adam in your face.

[Adam Carolla]

Face is all blue, you all choked up.

[Kelly James]

Well, that's a pun intended. Shout out to grandma. Cause she recommended that you never do that to get your rocks off. But you know you like it so much. Yeah, you can't stop. We all should listen to Adam's grandma. Don't choke yourself while you're getting off. Cause you might end up in a place that you don't wanna go. You might end up in jail or even worse, Erio Castro. Oh, some people do a lot of freaky things in life. And some people like to spice it up with their wife or the husband. While I'm strumming on this song. I'm never wrong. I try to make it alright. So what you do's none of my business tonight, boy. Today or this morning when you download this. I don't really know what time we are doing this. And I miss that little cue, but it's alright. Do you do freaky things maybe with your whole crew?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I don't know.

[Kelly James]

When you were little kid and you were experimenting and drinking cheap beer while it was fermenting in your older brother's car. And now you super wasted trying sexual things.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kelly James]

Ooh, your face is so exciting though. When you was like 13 with a girl and you know, well, she was like your dream and that's how we do it. You was drinking from that cup. She was super hot, so you never said shut the fuck up. Cause she was like, okay, can we try this? You was like, hell, yeah, I'm gonna ride this. And she was like, you can do whatever you like, baby, baby, I'm yours here tonight. And just about as you were to start that little act, you had a vis in your mind. And ooh, it came back so hard like that. You was like, oh, my God. You just went, lip. You was like, grandma. Oh, God. And it's a rim job. She's saying it again. I can't get it out. My God, it just haunts me every single day. I wake up in cold sweats and oh, I pray that we should have all listened to Adam's grandma.

[Adam Carolla]

When we.

[Kelly James]

Were just getting off and doing freaky things with the one we love or the one we miss. Met on that crazy night. Just don't end up like Ariel Castro did today. Right? And you all should listen to Adam's grandma so you don't end up with a blue face. Listen to your boy Ace.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Such an amazing gift.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Uplifting and informative.

[Adam Carolla]

Just an amazing item. Look, gift parlor trick. I don't know what to call it, but it is absolutely amazing. And Kelly never, never, ever disappoints. Ah. Tell you else who doesn't disappoint. Hulu, baby. Hulu+hulu.com. that's where you go. You can watch hundreds of TV shows, nay, thousands of TV shows. You miss Kimmel. You miss Kanye and Kimmel together? Well, go ahead, watch it on Hulu Plus. Current TV shows, SNL, Modern Family, Community, Family Guy. Thousands more old favorites, $7.99 a month, all in high def. That's right. I don't say hd. I go all the way. High definition. And you can watch original shows like the Awesomes starring Seth Meyers. You know him from snl. Moonboy. You watch that with Chris o'. Dowd. Oh, Chris o'. Dowd. I like that guy from Bridesmaids. Yeah, in Bridesmaids, did he have an did he have?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, he's Irish.

[Adam Carolla]

An Irish. Did they ever talk about it?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Once, briefly. Jon Hamm said the cop talks funny, but that never came up.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? I always understood that one part anyway. Try Hulu Plus. Or maybe I love that part. Try Hulu plus for two weeks free. Just go to huluplus.com Adam Be sure to use huluplus.com Adam for your extended free trial. Let them know I sent you and so you can have the extended free trial. Or just go to AdamCroll.com, click on the Hulu plus banner. Kelly James never disappoints. Thanks for having me. This is the name of the album. The pattern transcending is the name of the album. Go out, get it. Support friends of the show. Kelly. KellyJames.com is where you go. You can shoot them at Twitter, at your boykjourboykj. Rob Rigel, I want to thank for calling in earlier today and let you guys know. Couple tickets left for Portland coming up. Aladdin, that's tonight in Seattle. Tomorrow night, couple left and Mangria bottle signings all through Oregon and Seattle and Bellevue, Washington. Bev Mo baby on Sunday. Go to the website, check it out, find me and then we'll take a picture, have a little drink. So until next time, Adam Crowley, Rob Riggle, Kelly James, Allison Rosen, Paul Ryan saying, mahalo. I titty fucked the shit out of brooke Shields in 1988 when she was high as a kite.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

All right, that was Adam Kurillo Show 1183.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming up next, we have Adam Coulis Show 1206. Gabriel Klassian, David Wilde, Allison Rosen, Brian bishop, also from 2013.

[Brian Bishop]

Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

And thank you. Alison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam. Carolla. Good day.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello, Bull. Brian, I am so terrific, I can rape you. Dennis Prager. Gabriel Glacias is coming in here. David Wilde is in here as we speak.

[Brian Bishop]

He's fluffy. I'm a fluffer. Yes, Fine distinction.

[Adam Carolla]

He is fluffy, man. That guy.

[Brian Bishop]

He's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

He is. And the people have spoken because I remember, like, last time he was here. Plays at Gibson amphitheater. Wow. Yeah. 6,200. 6,300 souls in that place.

[Brian Bishop]

Of course, they tore it down immediately after.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, you're welcome, Gabriel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was us. Couple things I'd like to get into. First, somebody the Jo Koy. What we do at Jo Koy is what the Indians do with the buffalo. We eat every part.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

We use all of Jo Koi.

[Adam Carolla]

We use all of Jo Koi. And somebody made a little YouTube video. And it was when he was doing brown sugar versus white sugar. Very powerful metaphor. And what went on in the pantry. And I thought it was sort of funny at the time, but when somebody did it with the sack of white sugar and then the sack of brown sugar and then how they cut back and forth when each one were talking. And I thought, who the fuck has this much time and this much energy?

[Allison Rosen]

Your listeners.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm coming from a place where I really. If I had won the Heisman Trophy in 1986 and left it behind in my dad's house and came back to claim it today, he'd go, heisman. You know, we moved once since then. Did you talk to your stepmom? I don't.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

We have your Beletnikov Award. You want that?

[Adam Carolla]

We got the Lombardi. No, not the Outland Trophy. Yeah. And now I had it in the back, holding down the COVID on the barbecue. That's the last time I saw it. That's the last time I saw it. But it's been a while. Like, that's who my parents are. So the idea that some strangers would put this kind of effort into this. But I just saw it once. It made me laugh. It's fine. The audio side of it's fine, too. But go to YouTube and check it out. I don't know what you do. You go to YouTube and punch my name into Punch in brown sugar or something. It'll be on the episode page of this show. Okay, here we go. Let's take a little look. See, I feel like the white sugar would be, you know, talking shit to the powdered sugar. Oh, yeah. The white sugar would be like, listen, here. We're really the body of the dessert. You know, we're in there. You get to come along at on the top and just kind of sit there. But we're the nuts and the bolts. Where do I go? Brown sugar. Yeah. Oh, hey. Hey, what's up, man? Hey, man, nice out. Hey, man, give me that handshake. We do. There you go, bro. And then up top. Yeah. Make the thumb. Oh. Huh? Now you pull it. I'm down. Smoke it. Where it's at. Where it's at. Where it's at. Where, where, where it's at? Where it's at? Far up. Far out, man. Far out. Far out. Okay. Hey, my. Hey, my brother. What's up? What's up, White sugar? Yeah, I'm just gonna call you Sugar. How about the Kardashians? That's a lot of ass on those ladies there, boy. I like to tear up some of that right there. Right there, huh?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's brown sugar right there. Yeah. So. Yeah. Sir, where do I go, man? Well, I'm here to potty. Yeah. Listen, you got some oatmeal? I like to sweeten that up. Hey, listen, brown sugar. Yeah. You know, the pantry is a pretty nice area. It is. And we like to keep it that way. And I'd like to compliment this. Yeah. So if we go ahead and just put you under the sink. Okay, well, that's not. That's where the dishwashing. So. Yeah, I feel like you'd be more at home there. Nah, nah. All the other cool oregano you're trying.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

To gentrify the catch.

[Adam Carolla]

Ginger. Yeah. The white rice is, you know, just not ready for this kind of change. You know, you mix me and the white rice with little butter. Well, you know what? Oh, shit. The white rice just at a meeting. Good morning, motherfucker. The white rice is at a meeting right now.

[Kelly James]

You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Them motherfuckers always in meetings. What they meeting about, man? You white rice, you know I love you, brown sugar. I love you too, motherfucker. The white rice. Listen, had. Tell me. Preach. Had a. Preach. Had a stereo stolen by some brown sugar a long time ago. Not you. Yeah, not you. What kind? Not you. Was it a Sony? I don't remember. We didn't get into it. Craco, I think. But the point is. The point is that's a good sign. I just feel like you'd be more than in my car. I feel like you'd be more comfortable. Yeah. Underneath the sink with the cleanser. Next to the. Next to the garbage can.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

What are you trying to say?

[Adam Carolla]

It's set in their ways, you know, I never liked them motherfuckers in. Well, they're just from a different time, you know what I'm saying? It's just this sort of. Of when the brown sugar was with the brown sugar and the white sugar was with the white sugar and the powdered sugar and the white, you know, they didn't commingle so much. Can I say something? Yeah. You like oatmeal? Yeah, I love oatmeal. It's delicious, right? It's fucking fantastic. You put a little milk in that. Yeah. The milk doesn't sprinkle Some brown sugar. Yeah. No, we will not listen. Oh, shit. Good morning when we need you Good morning, motherfucker. We'll come down to your neighborhood under the sink you're calling out, out we'll come down and get you there I'm not going. You're gonna put me next to the garbage can. All right? I am brown sugar. All right? I didn't want to see it anyway, but the brawny guy. C to the H. The brawny guy just says he will not live in a pantry. Him and his. His Magnum PI Mustache. Okay, well, that's what he's talking about. Listen. It's his attitude right now. Listen. If you listen. Okay, Listen. Okay.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You have a Pop Tart?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Which one's your favorite? Blueberry or brown sugar? Be honest. Well, I like the brown sugar, but that. But that's me, everyone's favorite. Fuck blueberry. Nobody eats blueberry unless it's the last motherfucking Pop Tart in the pantry. Could you just go into the sink? Guess what's gone first. I feel like you'd be so sugar. You know, you'd be so much more comfortable under the sink. No, I won't. You're not gonna put me next to Febreze and Cascade, motherfucker. First off, I am a condiment. I thought Febreze. I want to be next to cheese. I didn't know that was an actual thing. What? I thought it was an Aunt Febreze. That's a product. That's a. Don't make me look stupid, motherfucker. Listen, I'll tell you what. I'm gonna talk to the white rice. Listen. And the powdered sugar, and I'm gonna. What powdered sugar got to do. When was the last time anyone used powdered sugar? No one likes him. Just understand. We got up black shirts. We gotta get little gated community here. Listen, you ever eat malt home meal? I'll tell you what.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You ever eat?

[Adam Carolla]

You ever eat my tongue? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. You know, I think this would be nice. Everything's gonna work nicely. It's gonna be a nice compromise. I don't think you can move into the pantry right now. I just don't feel like we're ready for that. But we do need security. Listen, you call security if we give you, like, a clipboard and a turtleneck. If you could just kind of. You want other people that look like you from getting into the pantry. Listen, I don't mean that. I don't mean that. Baked beans. I love baked beans. You have a sprinkle brown sugar on that mother. I. I cook it right in. Delicious. I love you. Tell me that's not. I love you. Tell me that's not delicious. It's delicious. I just feel like we should have this conversation under the sink. All right. I want to eat me. There was at least 1700 shots. I like when I went back and forth real fast.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That had more emotional power than any Wayans movie to date.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for Little Man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It was a lot of ways not way in the film.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. A lot of social commentary, but it.

[Brian Bishop]

Also had a certain neutral sweetness to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, so you can, you can check that out. I thought I should find out who, who sent that and give him, give him some props. We'll. We'll figure it out. You can go online. But just the idea that people take that kind of time and then it just sort of lives forever. And, you know, one day, 20 years from now, my kids can get 30 seconds into it and then wander off, but either way, 30 more seconds of daddy than they would have had before. All right, John Bullock is the guy, the mastermind to put that together. All right, let me ask you guys a psychological question. We have some nerd walking going on. Chris. Max Pata went out to the Call of Duty Medal Honor. What the hell?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He just went out?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he just went out and did a little nerd walking. So we're gonna do that in a second. I'm trying to get. I'm very interested in what makes people tick and not tick and sort of tick like a lot of people I grew up with. And I'm. You know, it's so easy whenever we talk about, you know, study hard, focus, get an education, you know, but not everyone goes that route. And then I just start thinking about, why are some people colossal fuck ups and other people aren't, and how do they manage to take it to their grave? And I'll give you an example. And then I started thinking, this is how I used to be. And you guys tell me if it's how you used to be. My buddy Ray, who's now 50 years of age, said to me, I have a. He has some sort of shop dilapidated, something that's filled with a bunch of old furniture. And he said, I want to come down and store my furniture in your shop. And this is what happens when you stay in the same neighborhood you grew up with, with a lot of flunkies. They get a lot of. You get a warehouse, they get a lot of their shit stored in your warehouse.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Is this recent or a while ago?

[Adam Carolla]

This is a couple days ago. And so what you try to do is you try to be accommodating, but also you know them and you know, at some point they're, it's going to be there for three weeks, it's going to be three years, then there's going to be an argument and then you're going to threaten to put all their shit out on the curb if they don't get it down. It's going to end up with a three years worth of free rent. But them telling you to fuck yourself and die as they're pulling away in the U Haul.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you're going to be the asshole while you feel like you've been taken advantage of.

[Adam Carolla]

At least they've used half your warehouse for three years and it'll be rent free. But they'll be yelling die as they're driving away.

[Allison Rosen]

Is he currently paying money for storage space or something?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's just this stuff sitting in this property he's trying to renovate and blah blah, blah. So I come up with what I think is a fantabulous idea because I know his shit's just gonna get in the way of my shit. And I'm trying to do stuff in there and I'm gonna be walking around and it's gonna be in there longer than it needs to be. So I said, listen, I have a 36 foot race trailer. An enclosed, watertight, brand new race trailer holds two racing cars and all the equipment. I don't need it for several months and I'm not going to any races in that trailer in quite some time. Hook it up to the back of my truck, have my guy Rob, since Ray, I don't think can handle it. It's a pretty big trailer. Drive it up to the space, you guys load it up, then you come back and drop it off in the parking lot, lock it up, walk away. It sits in the trailer the whole time. You don't have to ferry it from the trailer into another trailer.

[Allison Rosen]

Seems like a perfect solution.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're not charging your rent for that, right? No rent and perfect, perfectly good. I have a race car that's in there, I'll get it out, then we'll hook it up and we'll bring it up, you'll fill it up once, lock it up, walk away. It'll sit there, problem solved. Problem solved, watertight, ready to go. And when you're ready to move and you don't have to fill up the back of your truck, make nine trips, unload your truck, and then have me trip over your shit.

[Brian Bishop]

The trailer is watertight and the offer is airtight.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Until.

[Adam Carolla]

Until I walk into the shop today. And Rob's shaking his head and he says. I said, what are you doing here? And he says, I can't take Ray. I was just arguing with him. I had to get out of there. I said, why? He said, ray's got his truck backed up and he's unloading all his stuff into not only not just sort of the warehouse, but the race shop. Literally putting it in the one place the warehouse just has a bunch of furniture and junk and crap in it. But there was sort of the race shop part of it where there's a lot of business going on. Work on cars, tools, things like that. He puts it right in the middle of that stuff. I mean, you couldn't miss it. You trip over it. Even when we were discussing like you.

[Allison Rosen]

Took a dump in your office.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Even when we were discussing where to put it. Before I came up with the trailer idea, the race shop part was always off limits. It's always, we'll put it over here in the corner of this shop where I'm not working. But no, that's where it went.

[Brian Bishop]

But Alison, a dump would biodegrade, whereas this material, a permadem.

[Adam Carolla]

A dump thrown at him, chest of drawers, you know, throw my back out. So I, you know, I just said to Rob, like, why? Why? And he's like, I don't know. I guess he didn't want to pay me to drive the truck. It would have been the best hundred bucks he ever spent in his life. Just pay you for 5 hours, go load it up, back it up and that's it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, so on. I missed part of it. On his own, he went and took his stuff and moved it in to the warehouse.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. And then I just called Ray and I said, I said, why?

[Brian Bishop]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

We had first off, and this is going to be the name of my fourth book, this is to everyone in my life. When I'm explaining to you what the plan is going to be, stop me right there and go, there's no fucking way that's going to happen. It's kind of wordy for a guy. That's true. But I feel like I lay out my plan to people go not as good as shrinkage. And then they just go do their own.

[Allison Rosen]

It does sound like that is exactly what happened this time.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I figured out in life. If you say to somebody, and I don't know why everyone is wired this way, but it's a fucked up way to be wired, where someone will go, I'm going down to San Francisco, I'm going To take the coast. And then I go, take the grapevine. It'll take 90 minutes off the drive. And they go, huh? And I go, yeah, Grapevine cut right through. Stay on the five, shave 90 minutes right off the commute. And I go, okay. And then. And if you talk to them the next day, they'll go, yeah, I'm stuck in traffic. I'm riding along the coast. And you go, why did you do that? Why didn't you do it? And they'll go, number one answer, I don't know, but they're going to do it, and they never stop. And so I just called Ray.

[Allison Rosen]

People telegraph their intentions at the beginning.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually, I just called Ray and I said, what are you doing? And he said, I don't know. The stuff would be moving around in the trailer. I said, just pack it in the trailer. Yeah, I don't know. I just. I don't know. And then this part, you want me to come down? I'll move it. I'll come down and move it. I'll come down and move it. It's no problem. I'll get it out of there. And I said, or you could just do it the fucking way we talked. That's how we discussed it. That's how we left it. Those were my intentions. That was my decree. It made perfect. I didn't do it because I'm selfish. I did it because this is the most effective way to do this. This is sort of a transaction here. And this is the easiest, cleanest, fastest way to do this. And without any discussion about it. It was like, nah. So now I got a bunch of shit sitting in the race shop that Ray's gonna have to move, like, into the trailer. And I just thought as I was driving in, why? And then I realized, there's just certain. First off, there's entire nations that operate this way. But why? Who is that? And then I realized.

[Brian Bishop]

And who enables it?

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolly. Thank you. This is an adolescent thought. And then I started thinking, remember when you were, like, 13 and you'd have ideas and they were bad? Balding Bar mitzvah, you would think, you know, I don't have tickets to this game, but I'm going anyway. And then at some moment when you realize it was in the seventh inning and you're still walking around the front of the stadium without a ticket, you'd be riding your bike home going, what did I think was going to happen?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember as a young person, there was lots of those moments where you go, how did I think this was gonna go down. It's sort of the equivalent of like the book report is due Monday morning, it's Sunday night and you go, fuck it, let's do a bongload. How did you think this was gonna finish?

[Allison Rosen]

I remember very clearly consciously deciding I have to think about consequences because I'm tired of being surprised by things I shouldn't be surprised by. Like very young.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

What that means is that there were so many years of my life where it was just, just one thing after another without thinking it through.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So you guys all sort of remember that adolescent teenage geez, how did I think this was going to go down?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

My 14 year old version of that was, oh, I haven't touched a bat or a mitt or a ball in a year, Possibly more. I'm going to go out the freshman baseball team, see how that goes. I lasted five days on the practice, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I've had that thought a kajillion times. Like I've had it mechanically, I've had it emotionally, I've had it scholastically. Like I've had that. How did I think this was gonna happen? Like did I think I was just gonna look at the Scantron sheet and magically know all the answers about the French Revolution when I didn't even open the book? But yet there's a 15 year old part of you that goes, I think.

[Allison Rosen]

I got this right? Like, yeah, I'm supposed to memorize a speech. I didn't really have time to memorize it. I'm gonna read it once and just hope it sticks in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So then the people that then take this into their adult life are your friends.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Because they're still 13.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And the people you see on Cops who are like, I'm gonna take a swing at that cop's horse, I bet I can take that shit down. How is this going to work out? How is this gonna work out? You know what I'm saying? Eight cops, seven of them have pepper spray and the other has a pistol and you're walking at em in your underpants like how is this gonna end? And why won't you listen to them? And what is going on in your head? And then you realize, I don't think like people go, well that guy's dumb. I don't think it's that because it's essentially, it's like kids are dumb, everyone's dumb. When you're born, you don't know anything. We're all selfish and we're all dumb and we all have a horrible Plan and then hopefully gets beat out of us at some point, not physically, but life sort of beats it out of you. And then you realize, I should listen to the guy who owns the warehouse as the guy who wants to keep a shit at the guy's warehouse.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like I'm coming down very hard on Ray, but he compared me to a dude that he thought looked like me. So here's my question.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, this is all the rays in the world. Like, why? How did you think this was first off? Why not listen to the guy with the plan, number one? But number two, how was this gonna end?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, in what way are there big negative consequences for Wray because of this, though?

[Adam Carolla]

This is a very, this is a very good point. There are never insurmountable negative consequences. There's, you know, suspensions back in the day where it's like, go home and stay home for three. By the way. That's like a cop being sent home with pay for a month, you know, suspending Ray or me or Chris back in the days. Go home for two days and fuck around. Watch your prices, right? And then come home, come back again. Like, nope, that's not a punishment. Also, getting shit canned from low paying, crappy jobs where your boss is a dick is not really much of a punishment either. And moving your shit from the race shop into the trailer is not really much of a punishment either. So, yes, consequences, but ultimately the consequences add up because you stand back and you look at your life and there's just not that much. There's. So the consequence is a long, slow burn. It's not the immediate consequence, which is probably the problem.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yeah, I mean, if he lost, if you're like, fuck it, you're out of here, that would be a consequence. I'm not saying you should do that, obviously, but I'm saying that would be something that he would feel immediately.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian is saying you should do that though.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. All right. I'm just saying it's interesting how people take information and they either reject it or they absorb it, or they somehow twist it around and make it decide to do it their way anyway. But I found the number one answer for the 122 times a year I say to someone, we spoke about this specifically, why did you do it another way, in a way that went against the way I specifically laid it out? The number one answer is always, I don't know, it's just a weird.

[Allison Rosen]

So unsatisfying.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that's because there's no good answer. I don't know is a kid answer when they.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

When there's no good answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, Ryan. All right. Nature box, baby. Good name phrase me hungry, middle of the day.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Sure they appreciate that?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, that's a compliment, man.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I didn't appreciate you suggesting they don't appreciate it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a desirable place to be.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you very much.

[Adam Carolla]

A popular location. No, they've been dropping off.

[Allison Rosen]

Lots of people are in there.

[Adam Carolla]

They've been dropping off lovely, lovely sacks of delight. Getting better and better, better and better. No, you don't want to go to that vending machine and get that stale fiesta mix or any of that crap. No, you get the nature box. It is nutritious. We've been eating.

[Allison Rosen]

I enjoyed some of their delightful sacks earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you? Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I had the chia seed crackers.

[Adam Carolla]

I had the crackers, I had the almonds. And before that, I had the trail mix that I devoured. Yeah, those are. Those guys real good. Yeah, well, it's gone.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's all you need to do.

[Adam Carolla]

It ain't rabbit food. I know, because we got catfish. Chris, Max, Pata. Constantly trolling. Constant. She's trolling. You know what he is. You know those guys. You know, Ever see those things in the swimming pool? They're just constantly just buzzing around the bottom, just sucking like a big IUD for your pool? Yeah, just constantly. It's got a little hose hanging off it. It's just, you know, families out of town or asleep. It's just buzzing around, sucking dirt off the bottom. That's what Chris does with my food. Yes, you can get the French toast granola. Salted caramel pretzel pops. Mmm. Dark cocoa almond.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'll go back to French toast granola.

[Allison Rosen]

I know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Holy crap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we got the. I think they gave. Well, they gave us about five different things, but we got the blueberry almonds, which were really, really good. I ate them today anyway. Leaves you full, totally healthy, zero trans fat, no high fructose corn syrup, nothing artificial. Just snacks that are good for you and they taste really good. Anyway, you can try naturebox. 50% off your first order. Go to naturebox.com, use the promo code. Adam, click on naturebox and hit the banner. Go to naturebox [e-mail] really healthy, really good snacks, really nice alternatives to all the stuff with the orange powder on it. All right, we got some nerd walking. We got some phone calls. Should we do some nerd walking? Yeah, let's do some nerd walking. Nerd walking.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Nerds.

[Adam Carolla]

Nerds. We're asking nerds if they know what guys who want dorks should know. They are all virgins.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

It's time for nerd walking.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause you are nerds. Nerds. Chris, when? After you swallow, pull up to the mic there for a second.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You went out where?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I went to GameStop in Burbank for the midnight release of the new Call.

[Adam Carolla]

Of Duty video game.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Those lines get pretty nerdy, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And you talk to me. We ask them questions, and we're gonna guess and wager on whether they got them right or not. Good luck. All right, here we go.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Name one player from the 2013 World Series Champion Red Sox.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh.

[Allison Rosen]

Mmm.

[Adam Carolla]

Geez. I probably don't have a ton of these. I mean, I know there's David Ortiz.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The most obvious answer this. We're looking at a guy with plaid shorts and hot shorts and high socks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, High by today's standards. Not by. Not the old sanitary socks.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He's not playing with Dr. J.

[Brian Bishop]

He's not known as Big Papi, but Big Douchey.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So what shall we say now? They just end it. What do you guys think?

[Brian Bishop]

I think yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Say yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I say no.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah. I say no. Baseball isn't quite as popular.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say no, too.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Name one player from the 2013 World Series champion Red Sox.

[Adam Carolla]

Al Robertson.

[Allison Rosen]

Such confidence, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Quick answer on that.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that even a real player?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm 99% sure that's not a real player.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not.

[Brian Bishop]

That's like a cousin of someone on Duck Dynasty, I believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Close. All right, let me see. I gotta write stuff down here. Let's see. David, that's a zero for use. The rest of us are one. One and one. Here we go.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

What kind of products does DeWalt make?

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. Do you guys know?

[Allison Rosen]

I actually know, but it's only from being around here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Brian, what do you think?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Nerds are handy. Nerds are crafty. Nerds like to build shit. You know, we're looking at the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy's got kind of a gothy kind of look. Yeah, I think he knows. But you never discount the joke answer. You see what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

The goth joke answer.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say nos, David.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

That means you don't know what DeWalt is.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what it is. Is that something like something you build?

[Adam Carolla]

Power tools?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, like snap on a craftsman. Come on, David. Yeah, I knew that before the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I think he doesn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I say yes. He does know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Brian. I say yes. Those twos say nos.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

What kind of products does DeWalt make?

[Adam Carolla]

Tools. Yeah. All right. Brian and Ace, man. Two for two.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Probably built a Comic Con costume or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, at some point. All right, 04, David Wild. Here we go. Who are the Bash Brothers?

[Allison Rosen]

Same guy, same nerd.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. They knew DeWalt.

[Allison Rosen]

Aren't they related at all?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It would have been around when he was growing up. I'm looking at his, trying to see.

[Adam Carolla]

If he's from San Francisco area, Oakland area.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No. If baseball today isn't that popular. Baseball in 1988, wasn't that all right?

[Adam Carolla]

I say no.

[Allison Rosen]

I say no. But I just hope he's not a nerd savant.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, David Wild, you say no.

[Brian Bishop]

I said no.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely say no, Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No way.

[Adam Carolla]

All nos. Who are the Bash Brothers? Wrestlers. Okay, that was a Conseco. And what's his name? Mark McGuire. All right, so wait a minute. Well, Brian, me and you running the table, baby. But Allison just won. Down and on the board now, David Wilde. Here we go into the championship rounds. Here we go.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

If you are in a F350 dually, what are you in?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I think he knows.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think he knows?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I think maybe he knows. I'm gonna say yes.

[Adam Carolla]

David is very telling when you say no. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, an F350 dually is.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not a man.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know now, but you've seen enough.

[Brian Bishop]

I met a man once. You have a TV, a man adjacent whenever I'm here.

[Adam Carolla]

F350 dually would have been the truck Ray would have used Haul the trailer that he would have had his furniture in.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you have any Jewish questions you could ask?

[Adam Carolla]

We'll get to it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Vehicle or just truck?

[Adam Carolla]

I think we're gonna have to have truck on this. So, David, you say no. No.

[Allison Rosen]

I say yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I say yes.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

This is the nerd who knew what the tools were. So I say yes.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

If you are in a F350 dually, what are you in?

[Adam Carolla]

Motorcycle.

[Brian Bishop]

Caught up to Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

God damn it. Come on. Shit. Fucking nerds. All right, so let's see. Allison's two, we have three. David's two. We're getting tight here. How many more do we have here? Max Path. One more. Here we go. Who played B.A.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Baracus in the movie remake of the A Team?

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm, yeah. That was Quentin Rampage Jackson, a frequent guest of this.

[Brian Bishop]

Fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. I will Be a man and go first. Even though I'm tied top the leaderboard. I say, shit. What will we accept? Well, because we might get Rampage, but will we accept just Rampage?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yes, we would accept just Rampage because that means he knows who it is.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but didn't know. His name is Quentin Jackson.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, no one knows his Quentin Jackson. I think Rampage Jackson is how he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Known, but just Rampage. What if we just got Rampage?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think we should accept that.

[Brian Bishop]

What about Ramp or on Jeopardy.

[Allison Rosen]

They would not accept that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I was going to say. All right. I just want to get the ground rules, or in this case, the brown rules. I'm gonna say just Rampage.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it a big. Was it. Was it a big movie?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It was a huge bomb.

[Adam Carolla]

It was promoted. He was out there. I don't know if it was a huge bomb, but it was not. Did not live up to the hype. But it was hyped. It did not slide under the radar.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Billboards galore.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What's throwing me off? For some reason, these are big nerds. Yeah, they start skinny, so they're like beefy nerds. And I feel like that should give them more knowledge or something. Like, as if their knowledge is stored in their fat. But that's not how it work. Works.

[Adam Carolla]

When did nerds. I know. And when did nerds top the 250 mark? Like I thought nerds were.

[Allison Rosen]

You find any spindly nerds?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

His gamer name is Fluffy Mammoth.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop it. Loud and serious.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, you said gamer, right?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm gonna say yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Pencil neck geek. Remember the pencil neck geek? Remember the guys? Oh, he's £120 stopping wet, you know, now it's all right.

[Brian Bishop]

Timely. Fred Blassi.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I'm gonna say no, then.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

There's no strategic answer here because. So I'm gonna just say no.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so Brian says yes. I say no. This is for the win. Who played B.A.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Barakis in the movie remake of the A Team?

[Brian Bishop]

The new. The new A Team. Rampage Jackson, homie. Yeah, homie.

[Adam Carolla]

Throw a homie at the end. Wow. There's no nerd nerds. You didn't find a nerd? No. That's a.

[Allison Rosen]

How is that a nerd?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a ringer. They don't say homie. I'll defend Chris. I heard the rest of his interview. We did several questions that didn't make it. He's a nerd.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, he's a nerd who happens to.

[Adam Carolla]

Like mma, I guess. Homie. I'm defending, I'm defending.

[Allison Rosen]

Chris, what's the nerd criteria is in the video games.

[Adam Carolla]

He was first in line in his case too.

[Allison Rosen]

In terms of what you yelled nerds night.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

He was first in line at midnight waiting for a video game release.

[Allison Rosen]

It's pretty annoying. Yeah. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, not getting laid at least 100 weeks I think is part of the criterion. He seemed to ace that part of the test. Legal zoom, baby. Listen, nerds, grab a computer and listen up. Twelve years ago, a group of attorneys came, they got together, secret room and they launched a plan. They said, we have extensive legal knowledge. Now let's get together with some smart technology and create LegalZoom.com and over 2 million Americans later. LegalZoom has been helping Americans. Making people happy, living, trust, bankruptcy, whatever you need. LegalZoom is number one. They help people incorporate, form an LLC, start their business. Smart, effective legal solutions at a great price. Wills 69 bucks. LLC is 99 bucks plus filing fees. Legal zoom, man. It's the way to go, Dawson. See how easy it [e-mail] for more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. LegalZoom is not a law firm, but can connect you with a third party attorney and provide you with self help services at your specific direction. LegalZoom.com all right, Gabriel Glacias is waiting out there or I think he's coming around. We got some phone calls here. We take a couple of phone calls, see how we're hanging over here. Tara. Tara. Yep. What is it?

[Allison Rosen]

It's Tara.

[Adam Carolla]

Tara. All right. What's going on?

[Rob Riggle]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

How are you doing? Well.

[Allison Rosen]

So you want me to tell you? Ask you my question?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So I.

[Allison Rosen]

It's about shaming. I just wanted to get your opinion. I know you love shaming people.

[Adam Carolla]

I do. I used to work with someone called Tara. Don't call me Tara, goddammit. And every time I'd call her Tara, she'd go, it's Tara. And I'd go, yeah, I don't give a shit. That was my way of shaming her.

[Allison Rosen]

That's why he usually say, it really doesn't matter. You can call me whatever you want.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Hurry up with those fries. All right, go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. So I work in a medical facility. There's a nurse there that started micromanaging.

[Adam Carolla]

All the other nurses and calling everyone out on like little stupid mistakes.

[Allison Rosen]

And he was getting everyone in trouble.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically for no reason.

[Allison Rosen]

So then comes another nurse and found other mistakes by this jerk nurse that.

[Adam Carolla]

Was calling everyone Else out. Jerk nurse. Sounds like something I could get behind. Hold on. Send in the jerk nurse. I just need to call it.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, but should I tell the wet nurse to take a break?

[Adam Carolla]

Wet nurse? You?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, no. She needs to stick around. She's gonna have a job later.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then we're gonna need the cleanup guy, whatever nurse she is. Yeah. Mop nurse, mop nurse, wet nurse, jerk nurse, and mop nurse, in that order. All right, Tara.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So jerk nurse. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

This other nurse found mistakes that the jerk nurse made and called him out in front of everyone, and the jerk nurse got mad.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

And my opinion. I thought, you know, to me, it's like, you're just starting trouble. Why did you do that? You know, it's like, two wrongs don't make it right.

[Adam Carolla]

Why did the guy call out the jerk nurse? Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

He shamed him in front of everyone to teach him a lesson.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand that. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But I just, you know, thought it's like, just. You're just starting trouble, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the thing. You used to be able to shame people and teach them a lesson, and then that's how the story would end. Now the person either doubles down on their jerk attitude or they show up with an AR15 the following day and exact the revenge that way. I don't. You know what? I don't hear any. Really? You don't hear so much anymore. Like, I'm sorry. It's never gonna happen again. There's a lot of. Well, you're not. You know how many fucking times I've said to somebody, you're not doing something right? And they go, you don't do everything right. And it's like, was that an effective defense? It's super effective. Like, okay, we're both retarded now. Let me continue, because I'm paying you or whatever the deal is. It's a weird thing where people.

[Brian Bishop]

That social contract has broken down completely, I believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my daughter said to me the other day, two days ago, I was telling her to do something or whatever. She goes, I'm not one of your assistants. I don't have to listen to you. And I said, no, you're way lower than one of my assistants.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I just suggest this young lady write a book called Jerk Nurse? Write it. Just write any book called Jerk Nurse. Jennifer Lawrence options.

[Adam Carolla]

It.

[Brian Bishop]

It would be the greatest movie of our time.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I got that not from, obviously a child, but from a roommate I had who I did not like, but he wasn't pulling his weight around the apartment. I was just out of college. He was a guy I didn't know, friend of a friend. And he wasn't. He wasn't cleaning up, he wasn't doing anything. He's just kind of freeloading, paying the same rent, but he was paying cheaper or more maybe that'd be something. But anyhow, one day I was like, like, Jacob, could would you mind please, just once unloading the dishwasher? I mean, I do it every time. It's getting kind of annoying. It's like fine. And he walked over and I was just. I didn't move. I was just standing there. I wasn't watching him, but I was just happy to be standing where I was standing. He's doing it and he's like, I'm not your employee, Brian. I was like, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

What if you were?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He would have been fired long ago.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to fucking find these guys parents and put them through a fucking wood chipper. He was very sense that.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I asked him to own the dishwasher once after months of living at the apartment.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't own him, Brian. You know the cause of him.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. And then there's this one where they go, yeah, you broke that saucer in 1981. So like, okay, what the fuck are we talking about? And who teaches our kids this election? I don't get it.

[Allison Rosen]

But don't you hate the jerk nurse?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I hate the jerk nurse. Yes, and I do.

[Allison Rosen]

Cause there is. The thing is, this person is pointing out everyone's mistakes, not for the sake of improving medical care. It sounds like we'd have to ask Tara. Tara just to be a dick, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, look, we hate everybody. Everyone's horrible. Except for Tiara.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Okay, Tiara.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Look, there is this new thing. It is going around. It is out of fucking control. I told you guys that. It's happened to me multiple times where I was talking about somebody. It happened to me, I don't know, two times in, I don't know, course of three or four weeks where I was talking about somebody on my kid's basketball team and they had to go find the parent and then tell them that I made these insensitive remarks. And then that person had to. Because they're narcissists. Yes, me. Can you believe it? Because they're narcissists. They had to internalize these things. And think, by the way, the problem is everyone's a narcissist, so they think every comment is about them. And they thought I was talking about their kid. But I wasn't talking about their kid. And then they had to come fucking confront me at the ymca. And then later on, I got into it with my son's teacher, and I was doing this thing on Kevin and Bean of weak and rage, and she corrected me on some math that I was correct about. Later on, somebody decided, I just thought you needed to know. Like, you know, she never heard this rant. The kids never heard the rant, but the fucking parent heard it, made sure that it brought it to her, and then she sort of fell apart after hearing it.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Which fell apart in front of you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, she went through a very tough emotional time because this thing was brought to her attention. So to all the cunts and dicks out there who do the. I just thought you should know. Why would you say that to somebody who, you know would take something very literally and very emotionally? And I'm a fucking comedian, you ass wipes. Please let me have a goddamn opinion. And to all the fucking. I just thought you should know. Fuck yourself. And by the way, whoever hears this, go find that person and play this for them and tell them, I just thought you should know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Fuckers.

[Adam Carolla]

Knock it off, everybody. Stop making yourself feel better by making other people feel worse. It's not a fucking seesaw.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

What is? The tattletale.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't get it. I don't say fuck. What the fuck is in it for you?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Like, isn't that washed out by the time you're eight or nine?

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain. Let me explain a good example of. I just thought you should know. I walk into work and I see people have, like, a front left tire that's almost flat or showing so much tread, I can see the belt coming through. And I go in and I go, you gotta get some new tires on that thing you're gonna blow out. That's a fine. I thought you should know. But if I'm out in a fucking parking lot and somebody goes, looks like Matt's put on a couple pounds. I don't march in and go, hey, man, put down that turkey leg. Boom. I just thought you should know. Like, why? Why? Who are these fucking people? And as far as I go, why do I feel better about making Matt feel worse?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It makes you wonder, are they. Is the hostility directed at you, Adam? Or is it directed at the recipient of who they're talking to? Like, who did. What do they think they're doing?

[Brian Bishop]

I think they're cheap tricks of shitty conversation. I really do. I think, like, you're a great conversation. You can talk about Anything as you prove here on a nightly basis. But I think a lot of people who don't have wit or are not interesting use this shit to create the illusion of having a personality.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they do.

[Adam Carolla]

A personality and a life. But, you know, I've had people tell. First off, every complaint I've ever heard from somebody has always been secondhand. It was never my sister saying to me, I was sitting in the car and heard you called my kids Nazis. Was never. That was never. That was always. It was never Lynette. It was never the teachers. It was never the chick from the ymca. It's never directly. It's always somebody bringing it to them. And they like to fucking. The story's a little boring. If I simply said. If I simply said. Look, I don't know why you want to hold me accountable for slavery. My family wasn't in this country when slavery was going on. Just like my nephews are German. You wouldn't hold them accountable for the Holocaust.

[Brian Bishop]

I would.

[Adam Carolla]

They're closer. One of them. I do the middle one. They're closer to it chronologically than I am to slavery. But you still never dream of doing. Why you take that and twist it and bring it to my sister and say, adam said your kids were Nazis.

[Allison Rosen]

I can see it in your eyes. That's what you meant.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, you have to supersize it so you have even more story, which makes you even worse person. And it's the schadenfreude thing. No, but it's not telephone, because telephone is just incorrect. This is super sizing. It is a glass. Telephone is.

[Allison Rosen]

You're right, there's intent.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a cash register. That always shorts you. I always say that. Look, if you're just a bad cashier, half the time I'm gonna be short. And the other half you're gonna be short. But I'm short every time. So are you a bad cashier?

[Brian Bishop]

This is the Gladys Kravitization of America.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, thank you. From Bewitched.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

We just talked about her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I just said Gladys.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you hear that or you just.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple days ago, I just said Gladys looking out of the window. I didn't say Kravitz.

[Allison Rosen]

That's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Then we wondered whether any kids will be named Gladys ever again.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

We can only hope.

[Adam Carolla]

Mind blown. All right. So the point is, I don't know why you get something from making other people feel badly about themselves. The I just thought you ought to know is really a very thin piece of rice paper to Hide behind because did you think I was going to attack my nieces or my nephews as Nazis, or did you think I was going to.

[Brian Bishop]

Alice, before you got here, did say.

[Adam Carolla]

That she was worried about that in the classroom. Did you really. Were you really concerned? Were you. What. What. Exactly What's. Let me. Let's. Let's get to the end game of your fucking concern, saint. Or did you just want to make the person feel a little bit. It's basically. It's like this. I'm five seven and a half, but I'd like to feel like I was tall. So could you get on your knees? That doesn't make me any fucking taller. That just means you're on your knees. Seriously, get down there. Do you know what I'm saying? Why do you fucking feel taller by taking a bat and taking everyone down to their fucking knees? You fucking empty hollow vessels. Why and when did this become acceptable? And when did these people not become pariahs? Remember when the gossipers were pariahs?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking. Shoot them. Jesus Christ.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I don't know, but I'm saying your kids. Empty vestal Nazis just now. Did you hear that?

[Brian Bishop]

I heard it clearly in the nicest possible way he says it. He says it with a lot of love.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, that's what. One of the main things that would stop me from ever doing this is the knowledge that usually, even if you're. Because there are circumstances where your heart could be in the right place. None of the ones you're mentioning, but like, if you're telling someone, hey, your husband is cheating on you or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

There'S definitely a version of this that helps the person.

[Allison Rosen]

And it usually comes back, though, and they end up angry at the messenger is what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, in that. In the one that could actually help them. They oftentimes do. And the ones where they can't, it never has repercussions.

[Brian Bishop]

It goes back to everything you always talk about with childhood, Adam. It's like if you. If you. We've gone in a generation or so from getting hit for anything you did to not even being admonished for anything you do. And that's dangerous. And that's, I think, what we're seeing.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's the bottom line. Does it make you money or does it make you happy? And by the way, if it makes you happy, feel free to kill yourself, because that means you're a horrible person because you feel happy bringing bad news to other people under the bullshit banner of. I just thought you should know you.

[Allison Rosen]

Get a job as a journalist.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Kind of like dying doing what you loved. If you love bringing bad news to people and you kill yourself, it's like dying doing what you love.

[Adam Carolla]

Many more questions up there, but Gabriel's here And so is DraftKings, baby. Oh my. Listeners, serious Buku Bucks with DraftKings. DraftKings.com, america's favorite one week fantasy football league win instant cash. Every week, every game. Brian, you were in the top 10 last time we talked.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's right. And now we're talking again. Still in the top. Another week, another win for ball. Bryant finished eighth out of 50 teams. That's triple up, buddy. That's a big triple up contest. It's just that easy.

[Adam Carolla]

DraftKings.com Dawson Right now, Adam Corolla listeners get up to 600 free. Use promo code Adam. And for every dollar you deposit, DraftKings will match it up to 600 bucks. That's 600 bucks totally free. Hurry. This amazing offer expires this Friday. Enter Adam [e-mail] DraftKings.com David Wilde, everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm so honored by the way to be Mr. Iglesias opening act. I knew his father Julio very well.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a delight.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm thrilled.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the Christmas country music.

[Brian Bishop]

Concert special, CMA Country Christmas. Get it right, Ace.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I'm just going along for him here. Airs December 2nd on ABC. You must fit in perfectly over there with all the guys with the Stetson hats.

[Brian Bishop]

Irving Berlin wrote White Christmas. When they asked me to do the show, they said, are you comfortable writing the CMA Country Christmas? I'm like, irvin Berlin is very comfortable cashing the checks for White Christmas.

[Adam Carolla]

And so am I. David Wilde from the old Bar Mitzvah Ranch. I didn't make up that joke. All right, speaking of Irving, there's a novelty song. Now we have to find it. It irving the like 156 fastest gun in the West. Irving. They used to write all the songs. I think Lauren Green like wrote a song called Ringo. Right, right. Yeah. Then they used to do like send ups on those songs. And this was Irving and it was about a Jewish cowboy and it was funny. This is it. Fat rode out of the West. He was mean and nasty right clear through. Which was kind of weird cuz he was yellow too. They called him Irving Big Irving Big short Irving Irving big shorter. The 142nd fastest gun in the west. Oh, it gets better. Or more insulting.

[Brian Bishop]

I've never heard this.

[Adam Carolla]

He Came from the old bar Mitzvah spread. With a 10 gallon yarmul on his head. He always followed his mother's wishes. Even on the range he used two sets of dishes. Irving, Big fat Irving Big.

[Brian Bishop]

This is by Lenny Krabs.

[Adam Carolla]

The 142nd fastest gun in the. So tolerant. Yes. 141 could draw faster than he. But Irving was looking for 143. Walked in a salt saloon like a man insane and ordered three fingers of 2 cents plain.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Irving.

[Adam Carolla]

Big fat Irving. Who.

[Allison Rosen]

Who's the mastermind? Pendant?

[Adam Carolla]

We'll figure it out. 140.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a great movie. Brian. Do you know the movie with Harrison Ford and Gene Wilder?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

The.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it Cincinnati Kid?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or something like that. Cisco. Since there's. There's a Cisco Kid with Ke Wilder.

[Brian Bishop]

Whoever did the movie. The two of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Big Sport Irving the 142nd fastest gun in the West. One day bad news. Max happened into town. His aim was to shoot fat Irving down. Dad, Max said draw and draw right now. And Irving drew. Drew a picture of a cow.

[Brian Bishop]

Irving, I love this song. And I think Phil Rosenthal, who I had lunch with today would love this song. But the fact that you love this song worries me just a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Frank Gallup is the guy wrote this. Second fastest gun in the West. There's an album called when you're in love the whole world's Jewish. Oh, those series of records was coming on a train. At first son on the town said Irving, we need your gun. When that train pulled in at the break of dawn, Irving's gun was there. But Irving was gone. Irving, all your people.

[Brian Bishop]

Big fat Irving guiltiest charged.

[Adam Carolla]

Big help. Irving. Big help. The 142nd fastest gun in the the West. Oh, now he met his demise.

[Brian Bishop]

This could be bigger than Aaron Sher.

[Adam Carolla]

Irving got three slugs in the belly. It was right outside the frontier deli. He was sitting there twirling his gun around and Butter fingers Irving gunned himself down. Irving, Big fat Irving Big dum dum. Irving Big dum dum. Dead Irving. The 142nd fastest gun in the West.

[Brian Bishop]

So you can play that, but Jimmy Kimmel calls for the extinction of a few billion people.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Everyone makes a big deal about it. Oh my God.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Movie was the Frisco Kid.

[Brian Bishop]

The Frisco Kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Frisco Kid. The Cisco.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Cisco. And Cincinnati.

[Adam Carolla]

And Cincinnati right in between. Yeah, yeah, I remember that song from like Dr. Demento or something when I was a kid. Anyway, David Wilde, everybody wild about music. That's where you find him on Twitter. And thanks so much for coming in.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you for having me. Good to be back.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll take a quick break. We'll be back with Gabriel Iglesias next. Welcome back to the Adam Carolla show. Subscribe to YouTube.com VPN to watch the show live each week and YouTube.com AdamCarolla for the archive of past shows. Gabriel Glacias here. Gabriel's one of these guys. If you do stand up, you should follow him around, see what he's doing. Right. Played the Gibson amphitheater last time he was out here in this way. 6,000 plus seats. I got a real good tip from somebody who you gave a very good tip to Gabriel, which is stop me if I'm wrong. But after the shows, I would have to go out and meet everybody. And they said Gabriel would go out and meet everyone after his shows. And you have thousands of people show up at your shows. And the handing the cell phone off to Mike August so he can ask, oh, by the way, I just powered it down. How do I get this thing back on times a thousand people is not gonna work. Somebody said, Gabriel Glacias has a photographer, shoots them and puts it on the website and he can mow through the line.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's what I started doing.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

That's the only way to do it right there. Because a lot of times people will have the camera phone, they think they're ready, but most of the time the camera's not ready. And then they want to take multiple shots. They want to do this, they want to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

If people, you know, if people really want the picture. And the best way to go about doing it is just to have a high quality camera with a photographer that's gonna take the picture. Right. Not all goofy or the lights all messed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

So I got my own guy there that does it. You know what I do also is I take three pictures so that people could take, you know, this pose, that pose, this pose. And you know what? Hey. And it's uploaded online by tomorrow morning, and it's free.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam's gonna pretend he didn't hear the three poses part.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Two and a half. I max out at. I like the drunk. I like the. There's the drunken chick and dude who just accept that they're unattractive. Like, they go, they take it themselves. So they have a friend takes it. They go, let me look at that. Let me look at that. No, no, no, no, no. Take another one. You're not gonna look like, you know, exactly. Rebecca Stamos.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

And that's why I have a team of guys that go in there and filter that out and make sure that nobody, nobody brings the phone out. The rule is, look, there's gonna be three pictures taken, it's gonna be uploaded, it's free. That's the main thing.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's free.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

It's online tomorrow morning. And so keep your phones in your pocket.

[Adam Carolla]

But how do I mean, can you do it? If you're playing the Civic center in Akron, how many people does that placehold?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

There's certain venues where you can do it. Certain venues where it's impossible. If you're doing the Gibson and there's about five to 6,000 people there, it's impossible to do a meet and greet with that many people. I've tried it. It takes seriously four to five hours because I've gone through it. Right there's your knees. Just physically, by the time the last picture rolls around, you're not smiling anymore. Now you're just standing there. You look like shit. Shaq.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, man.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Let's take a picture, right? It doesn't look cool, you know, you're not. People don't feel you when they look at that picture. You look like an ass. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

And how about the person that wants to shake your hand? And you see, always in slow motion, their hands slide down their thigh, and you go, here comes sweaty palm. You see, for me, I spot it and it's like. It's slow motion. It's the hand slide. They start to walk up on you, and I just go, oh. And then the hand starts coming out. And I know what I'm getting. I'm getting sweaty, pal.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

So this is what I do, is that I have a giant freaking Costco sized tub of hand sanitizer that's put right at the beginning of the line. And we let people know, look, Gabriel wants to be clean and safe for you. Do the same for him.

[Adam Carolla]

I do that with condoms.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Just make sure that, you know. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Hey, man.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

So by the time they're taking photos, by the time people get to me, any moisture that's happening is Purell, basically. So, you know, we make sure that everybody in line knows, hey, look, he's shaking a thousand hands. We want to make sure everybody's cool. We might make sure nobody's crying.

[Allison Rosen]

How many people do you have kind of working the line and making sure this is all happening?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

All it takes is two to three people that know what they're doing. If you got a bunch of imbu sales, you could have 20, but nobody's gonna get it right. But I got three guys that are just amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

And so the lines are the lines really, really nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I said no, but you guys tell me, Brian, be ready. Tell me, tell me if I'm a condescending prick or not. I ripped off Gabriel's idea and after doing 100 of these Bevmos where I'm selling the Mangria and Gabriel's enjoying his fourth glass, I think.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No, no, no, no. Seriously, you messed up by putting that over there. Oh my God. I showed up here, I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to talk about. What am I going to do? And then I saw the whole freaking. The little Mangria bar over there with the chocolate covered almonds, by the way, which is a great way to kick this off. I feel bougie right now. Hello, everyone. Hello. This is fantastic.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's a good pairing.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yeah, it's a great pairing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I, I sell this stuff and I did the Gabriel Glacias thing. I said, let's have Mike Altier take a picture and put it up on the website. But we're not smart and we never have a sign or anything. So every single person has to go, what do I, what do I. And then mark mike times 250 or 300 people asked to go. It's up on. You'll find it on the website. He did it about 300 times. So I said to Mike Altier two days before, we're heading down to the BevMo in Manhattan Beach. I said, you need to make a sign. We need like a professional sign that says photos available on. Put a little logo, put two of them.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

That's probably the part that I forgot to tell you is that I have thousands and thousands of cards made and I have one of those three guys that goes and hands out all the cards to all these people online that says, look, to find your photo, go here to fluffyshop.com it'll be online tomorrow morning.

[Allison Rosen]

I left out the most important partner, didn't you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Sorry about that, but.

[Adam Carolla]

So you tell me, tell me if I'm a dick or not.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You're a dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, tell me what you would have done. So I said, so everyone got into the usual, where do we get these things? And I said, mike, where's our picture that says, you know our sign that says go to AdamKroll.com and get the photos? And. And he Said, yeah, the Kinko's fucked it up.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, okay, but I have.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Printers out of ink.

[Adam Carolla]

80. I know. I have 80 sharpies sitting on this table, and we're in a store that has nothing but boxes. So take a piece of a box and write, go to get the photo, and just sort of lean it up against the thing. And then he's like, all right. But I thought, why is Zukinko's being on the fritz gonna stop us from our pointed rounds?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You did it to yourself because you specifically said, get a professional looking sign. He was. He was following orders. I mean, yes, he should have written something. That's fairly obvious. But you said, professional sign.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, let's make a sign.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't say.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm saying. Well, you just said just.

[Adam Carolla]

I never started by saying those little.

[Allison Rosen]

Spiral bound, dry erase. No, those little stencils. Remember those books of stencils?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, But I didn't say, let's let the good people at Kinko's handle this exclusively. I just said, we need to make a sign so people stop asking. And so the bottom line is that.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

People are never going to stop asking where to find the photo. They're never going to stop asking because, first of all, they're excited. They're excited the fact that they're meeting you, so their mind automatically is in left field. I've done it a million times where I try to carry a conversation with the person, and they're so excited, they don't know how to answer. So you have to hand them a.

[Adam Carolla]

Card and tell them, get the card.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You can find the picture here. And then when the people come up to me and I take the picture with them, I say, look. I said, do you guys know where to find the picture? I ask every single person, do you know where to find the picture?

[Adam Carolla]

You're very. I mean, you.

[Allison Rosen]

Thoughtful.

[Adam Carolla]

Thoughtful. You cater to your fans. You built your fans, Adam.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I actually like people. That's the thing. A lot of people don't like people. I like people, and I want to make sure that people are happy and they have a good experience, because I know what it's like to go out and spend an hour to two hours to three hours waiting in line to meet someone. And you're disappointed when you get to the front when they can't take the time to just look at you in the eyes or shake your hand or feel sincere. You know, it's like the people are the reason why you're in the position that you're in. And if you can't take those two seconds to look at them in the eyes, shake their hand and say thank you. The people feel slighted. They feel like, you know what? You didn't give me what I wanted. All it takes is you not looking at them, you looking at the ground, you not shaking their hand the right way. I've seen a lot of guys that shake hand. Like the little. The little. The sissy handshake. You know, the one where they just grab you with, like, the two fingers and they're like, yeah, I don't shake hands. Or they just do the fist, but pump.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know, I tell people, look, I'm not a germaphobe. I have no problem shaking your hand. But you know what? I'm gonna shake a thousand of them. So please, when you're done shaking my hand, use the hand sanitizer, because I don't want you guys, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

So how did you. How did you start out? How'd you build this? I know you're from San Diego area.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Originally from San Diego, but I grew up in Long beach, and when I started doing comedy was in la, it was at a freaking bar. And in Montebello in the hood called. At the time it was called Gotham, and then it changed to a. It was originally called Prime Cut, and then when I got there, it changed to Gotham, and then they changed it to Walt Coyote, and then they changed it to Tortillas, which tells me the guy had a problem with the IRS because he kept changing the name of the company every couple years. But that's where I got started.

[Adam Carolla]

And what were you doing before that?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Before that, I was selling cell phones.

[Adam Carolla]

I could see that.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I was selling cell phones.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you doing okay selling cell phones?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I was doing beyond okay. I was doing beyond okay as a person at the time. You gotta figure it was 1997. I was single. I had no responsibilities. I was making about six grand a month by myself. My rent was $300 a month. My Karna was 150. My insurance was 50 bucks. That's all I had to cover, and the rest was gravy.

[Adam Carolla]

So why would you switch into something that didn't pay? At least initially it didn't. When you had a pretty sweet gig.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Because I knew that this is what I loved and this is what I wanted to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Do.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I was very passionate about it. I've been passionate about comedy since I was 10 years old. First time I picked up Eddie Murphy, Raw, and I saw it, I said, I'm gonna do that. That's what I want to do. And the money for me was like, okay, yeah, it's. It's a lot of money. And believe me, I was able to do a lot of cool shit with that. I was able to buy a lot of cool things. I had everything, you know, personal stuff. But, yeah, and that's before hand sanitizer. You had to buy soap and shit. But I love comedy, and this is something I would have done for free.

[Adam Carolla]

Free.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Because I love going up on stage. I love the feeling from the crowd. I love hanging out. I love everything about it.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, Aloha Fluffy is the name of the CD to our comedy special, available on Amazon. And you know what to do. Go to AdamCroll.com and then you click through and you buy Aloha Fluffy and you bookmark it. And we get a little wind in the sails of our pirate ship. And Gabriel gets a little love as well.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Just a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, did you love it? I mean, now you are out in front of five, 6,000 people, and they all go nuts, and they know who you are. But there was a time when you're doing comedy when you were just a fifth comedian to hit the stage that night over at Tortillas over there.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Adam. I love comedy so much that I've been offered a film career, a film career for the last two years, and I've pushed it away, pushed it away, pushed it away. Because I love going to clubs. I love going on the road. I love hanging out. I. I love everything about comedy. No, seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it was gonna be Elmo.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No, no. You know what? I've done movies. And movies are cool to say that. You did a movie. It's cool to say, oh, I did a movie. But you know what? It's a lot of work. It's a lot of waiting, waiting, waiting. And then you're getting yelled at. Do this again, do this again, do this again. You don't know if you're doing it right because there's no feedback because everybody's quiet. You got to wait for basically the movie to come out and sit in the theater and go, okay. The people laugh. Then that lets you know that the movie went over well.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? But this is immediate.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I love comedy. I love comedy. My goal in life is to make sure that, you know what I want people to. Especially comics. I want comics to respect comedy. Not enough comics respect comedy. They think that, oh, it's a stepping stone. It's my plateau.

[Adam Carolla]

Means stand up.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Exactly. It's a plateau to get to film career, tv Career. You know what? I wanted to be a comic. I love the role. I love being there.

[Adam Carolla]

My favorite part of that story is when the guys. And I'm making a movie about this, when they get divorced, when the development deals and the sitcom deals and the holding deals have all dried up and they're forced to go back on the road and they haven't done stand up in 17 years. And then they're doing the local morning radio show and ass crack and back sacks.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

So tell me, why you getting back at the front of the microphone?

[Adam Carolla]

I miss the crowd. I love the energy of the crowd. I love. It's electric in the room and it's like, really? You haven't done it for 17 years?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No. They got divorced. Pay the rent. That's what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

They got divorced and your kid transferred from the junior college into the state school. And then you got to pay some tuition or whatever. But don't tell me you miss it and you love it. You wouldn't have taken almost two decades off of something. What do you take off of that you miss and love? For two, let's listen. I like Mangria. I don't take a night off, much less two decades. I love when they go, you know, I got away from my roots or I got away. No, no, no, no.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

And you're hearing this from a guy who's in a position, who can do something else. I'm very fortunate.

[Adam Carolla]

But at your level, selling out an amphitheater, there's plenty of money on that table.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

There's a lot of money on the table. And the offers that I've been given are incredible. And speaking from my agent side and management side, they're like, you know what? Why don't you take it? And it's just like, look, well, there's.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of money on the table at the amphitheater, too.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

There is, but I'm being offered Staples Center. I'm being offered, you know, Honda Center. I'm being offered the Citizens bank arena in Ontario. And I just feel that, you know what? I want to make sure that I don't rush into this. I love the fact that I'm taking my time with it. I love the fact that, you know what? As long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, it's going to be there.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask you.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

A lot of guys just want to take the money right away.

[Adam Carolla]

That's me. What about material? If you're coming to. Okay, you're going to Akron, Ohio, and Hershey, Pennsylvania. Place like that when's the last time you played Ohio or Akron and how much new material do they get? And how do you base that? Like, what do you. What do you do if you're coming back to la, if you're coming back to Ohio, wherever you are? Do you think, I was here a year ago? I should give them x percent new material? Or how does that work?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

The cool part is that the last time I was in any of these areas, including Los Angeles, was before I taped the special Aloha Fluffy. I retired all that material as soon as I recorded it, put it on tv, it's gone. I don't repeat none of that material. So people that come out to see the show, they don't see what they saw on tv. They see a brand new show. And right now what I'm doing is a completely brand new hour and a half. I'm not doing an hour. I'm doing an hour and a half of new material. And this hour and a half that I'm working on right now, I'm scheduled to put it on film in February of next year.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

So it is a brand new show. And the material that I'm doing is very much. It's not local at this point. I'm touring everywhere. When I mean everywhere. I'm not just the us, it's. It's nationwide. You know, nationwide. I'm buzz. That's Mangria talking. Yeah, worldwide. You know, I've gone to Saudi Arabia, I've gone to freaking Australia, I've gone all over Europe. The material crosses over everywhere. So I make sure that the material is broad. Everybody gets it. It's not nothing that's local. It's not nothing that no one's not gonna understand. I'm not doing King Taco jokes right in Akron, Ohio. I'm doing jokes about family, I'm doing jokes about relationships.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing jokes that King Taco every time I'm on the five.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Exactly.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you get name for ASV teeth too, man.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, Queen Taco.

[Adam Carolla]

Queen Taco, Queen Taco.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

That's a little more north, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of tacos, Enzyte, baby. Yeah. They give you a month's free erections. That's right. Free erection.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Enzyme's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. My good friends over at Insight, millions of men. It helps the quality, man. It just helps. You can support the strongest, most powerful erections possible, achieve peak sexual enhancement. Meant one capsule day for strong peak.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Do you want me to repeat that for you or.

[Adam Carolla]

Call now. Discord special free 30 day trial of enzyme and receive a free sample of their popular prostate supplement. All you pay the shipping. That's a free 30 day trial of inside. And a sample of their popular prostate supplement. Free curry. Call 1800-364968-01800-364-9680 or go to smilingbob.com these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, street or cure any disease. Free trial requires vlife enrollment with future auto shipments. What's in your ride?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Very simple. My writer is. I just want water.

[Adam Carolla]

Water.

[Allison Rosen]

That's it.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I'm not a fucking diva.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I just need water. But what about other people in your posse? They want a couple. You know what?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

If they want more than what I want, then I don't need them on the tour with me because I expect the minimal. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be that asshole where people say, fluffy came here, he wanted everything he wanted. He wanted beer, he wanted blue MMs, he wanted peanuts, he wanted salted this and this and that. No, I don't need the freaking fancy stuff. Look, I need the basic stuff so I can go up on stage, do my thing, make sure the people are happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Water.

[Allison Rosen]

Do they usually have water for you?

[Adam Carolla]

That's it. You know what?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

They give me more than that because all I ask for is water. I ask for water and they give me Gatorades. They give me sodas. They give me this and that.

[Allison Rosen]

Do they give you coffee?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No. No coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

I fuck that. They fuck that up with me every goddamn time. All right, should we do a little bit of news, Gabriel, Hangout, crack wise and have some fun with Allison Rosen?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

That inside of my drawer.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the news with Allison Rosenberg. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it Cut. It's Allison.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Spike Lee is being sued by the couple whose address he accidentally tweeted when he thought he was tweeting George Zimmerman's address.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he intentionally tweeted it, but he screwed it up.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he accidentally tweeted the wrong address.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. No, he intentionally tweeted what he thought was George Zimmerman's address. It turned out to be Elaine and David McClain, who are an elderly couple who have no ties at all to Zimmerman.

[Adam Carolla]

Jury's still out.

[Allison Rosen]

So anyway, he settled with them for $10,000 shortly after he pulled down the tweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Ten grand?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Seems not very much, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It looks like very 1982, doesn't it?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I would have asked for his nick stickers.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, now they're asking for another 15,000, which again, seems small considering in damages, attorney fees and court costs. They say that they are continuing to receive death threats and hate mail due to continued retweets of Lee's original tweet. Their address, along with the tweet is still posted on many websites. Even though he took it down. You know, stuff stays forever on the Internet. So again, 25,000. He can afford a lot more to make this go away. So I say cough it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Said it once again. I don't think Spike Lee gets his fair share of shit for a lot of the stuff he does.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, he's a bad person.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he's a bad person too. And I think he's a racist. And I think you're allowed to be racist no matter what race you are. And I think it goes both ways, bro. It goes that way with many races and throughout time.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

The idea that this guy, he knew that Zimmerman, if not bounties, at least there were people out there would want to take some physical action against his person and that you would tweet his address out is sort of you putting him in harm's way.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

It's pretty cold blooded to do that. To put his address out there is wrong no matter what your opinion is.

[Adam Carolla]

What if somebody threw a Molotov cocktail through the guy's window or whatever, right? So how come there's no two way street really with this racism? It's basically whitey invented it and we're gonna take it to the grave. Spike Lee says a lot of stupid shit, does a lot of stupid shit, and just kind of skates with it. Like this should have been. Whatever Jimmy did should not be.

[Allison Rosen]

That's my next story.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking front page of all the news. This should be a much bigger story than what Jimmy did. But we're all talking about what Jimmy did.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know, Spielberg posted freaking OJ's address. That would have been, oh yeah, look what he did.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Spike Lee appeared on Oprah's Next chapter and said his actions were stupid. He said, there's nothing I can say that can defend that it was stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

Good, I like that. I like it when they own up to it. Pardon the pun, getting sued for 10 grand. I mean, this is a, this is a first off off, hey, you're rich guy.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

How Did Gloria Allred not get to these people?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's what she does.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But, like, first off, Gloria, drop the ball, you're rich. Secondly, you essentially were putting a hit on us. And then, thirdly, this stuff never leaves the Internet. There's no telling when some drunken guy from the Crips of the Bloods might want to come on by with it. With something like that.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Dude, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So it's 10 grand. Just feels like nothing in.

[Allison Rosen]

Today's 15 now. Yeah. Settle for 10. And now they're asking for 15.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Imagine Spike's reaction.

[Allison Rosen]

So surprised. Doesn't it seem like it should be like. Like to make something go away?

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Spike's reaction, That's a full guy's bill, when his lawyer came to was like, are you being sued by that couple? I fucking knew it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's how it went. They went10.10 million. Can we get them down to 2.5? No, no.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Do the right thing, too. Now.

[Rob Riggle]

We didn't want to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. Well, anyway, and also, just if they. If it'd gone to court, they probably would have had, you know, at least enough to make him miserable for a couple years.

[Allison Rosen]

There'd be punitive damages. Brian, your Spike Lee sounds remarkably feminine and soft. Oh, I didn't want to do that.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You're right. Probably is a lot more. Yeah. Adamant.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Well, have you seen the size? He doesn't sound that tough. He doesn't sound like. Yeah, that's right. This is Spike Lee and shit. Yeah. I'm gonna make this next movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Motherfuckers going down.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yeah. Zimmerman's address. No, he doesn't sound like that, man. He sounds very like.

[Allison Rosen]

Like how Brian does him.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He's more like that. He's more like me.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No, he sounds smaller than you, bro.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, my God.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No, believe me, you give him credit. Okay, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

I sat next to him on an airplane and I did one of those. It was just from first class. We were sitting right next to each other, and I did, like, one of those. It was like a few beats of silence, and I did the. So, what are you working on, Spike? He's like, fifth anniversary Katrina. Oh, there you go. Sorry. I mean, I didn't. You know.

[Allison Rosen]

How fun for it.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't. Good luck to that. The folks still on the roof or they get them off there. Good for them. I'm gonna get a drink. You want something? I was hoping he's gonna say some movie or something, but I was like.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Any anything else that's a little more.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Uplifting, a little more uplift inside man 2 even more inside something thing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else we got more.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Of the right thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Kimmel, I just think you should know what Adam is saying about you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that would be nice.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Okay. So we talked about the flap with Jimmy Kimmel. It feels like a couple weeks ago where there was this question of what do we do about all the debt that we owe China. And then a little kid ad libbed and said we should kill them. And, and there was, you know, an uproar over it at the time. But it has not gone away. And now ABC has offered two apologies. Kimmel has apologized, but China still wants a more sincere apology. The Foreign Ministry spokesman of China told reporters ABC should face up to its mistakes and respond with a sincere attitude to the reasonable demands by Chinese people in America and prevent a similar incident from occurring again. So there have been sizable protests around the country. And outside ABC headquarters in Burbank over the weekend, over a thousand people picketed. And we're looking at some posters right now. They're making Kimmel look like Hitler.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you know?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You arrived.

[Adam Carolla]

You do know. Yeah, that was my answer to Jimmy when he told me what they were asking for, for child support when he's getting divorced. I said, well, you know, you've arrived.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Silver lining.

[Adam Carolla]

Back in the day, they would have never asked for that. I went to the theater. I went to Jimmy's theater on Sunday to watch football. Jimmy wasn't there, but cousin Sal was there and some of the other guys were there and went there to watch football. And when I walked up the back stairs, I saw a bunch of people's backs like standing look like they're holding something. But I just thought they were just sort of Hollywood tourists, you know, something jack offs this thing again. I've had this happen a million times in my life and I get no traction. Which is, do you think Jimmy Kimmel does not like Chinese people? Is that what we're saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Or does he have a rich history with hurting Chinese people or any Asian people? Like what are we talking about here? And if not, then we gotta move on.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm wondering as well. The people who are holding up up these signs, do they have a clear understanding of what happened or is it being spun to them?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. The way this stuff works is, first off, there's no script. So some six year old just sort of makes a funny improvisational kill em all thing which is somebody. And then what happens is because people don't have any hate or malice in their heart, they laugh. This is the words of a six year old. And they don't take it seriously. They don't take it seriously because they're doing comedy and they didn't write it. It wasn't vetted. Because nobody went like, hey, check this script. Or put it with standards and practice.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

It's a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's a kid. So everyone laughs. And then they go, oh, this is funny. And then they also go, well, why shouldn't we show it? We have no problem with these people. Obviously, this is joke. No one wants anybody dead. And then they show it. And then you have to pretend like, I'm sorry. When you say you're sorry, you almost make it worse because you almost killed. Give it. You almost give it validity that it doesn't deserve.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know what, though, Adam? What we don't see is that maybe somebody took that clip, put it on YouTube and added their own spin to it and said, look what the Americans are saying about the Chinese people. They're saying that we are. We must have died. We must have died. Look at a late night TV show with the Jimmy Kimmel. You know Jimmy Kimmel. It's Jimmy Kimmel. And then they show the clip of the kids saying they must die. And then they're like, oh, they're saying that we should. But.

[Adam Carolla]

But again.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Protest depends on how it's spun.

[Adam Carolla]

What do we want out of the.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Rest of the world. Sees things a different way.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody sent me a. It was a HuffPo article of like 15 celebrities that hate gay people the most. Of course I made the cut every year with a nice fist bump.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And at least five of the celebrities were comedians. And it's like. And the stuff that they were being held accountable for or having their feet held to the fire for were things they said on stage. It's like, when did comedians become statesmen and politicians? I've said this a million times. You can't be that.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know, whatever you say on stage is whatever you say on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

And this isn't even Jimmy saying it on stage. This is a six year old saying it. And it's just not being vetted. And the reason it was, wasn't vetted. And I know it works that way. It's like, well, he's the general, so it starts at the top.

[Allison Rosen]

So at issue among many of the protesters is the way that Kimmel responded to his statement in the skit. Kimmel said, kill everyone In China. Okay, that's an interesting idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? But he didn't. He said it in a way like you talked when someone said something crazy. Like if Mike.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Oh, that's an interesting idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he said it like, if my son said, I'm going to take this trash can to the moon, I'd go, that's an interesting idea. Very sarcastically.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

But again, over there, they don't understand the level of sarcasm that we bring as Americans.

[Adam Carolla]

You should go over there and teach them, hey, all you non fluffy people.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Adam, you don't even understand, man. Yes, I have plans on going to China.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you do? All right. So look, he didn't say it. Number one, he didn't say it.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

He didn't mean it that way.

[Allison Rosen]

So ABC apologized twice and then killed.

[Adam Carolla]

Which they don't mean at all because they never said anything.

[Allison Rosen]

But anyway, then Kimmel said Spike Lee.

[Adam Carolla]

Should tweet out the address of the kid. Oh, my God, that would be an awesome thing for him to do, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it be awesome if he just did that?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Sweet.

[Allison Rosen]

So then Kimmel said on air, I do want to apologize to all of you if I upset you, we should not have put that on the air. But then when he was talking to Chinese journalists, he said, well, in America, we have freedom of the press. If they want to waste their money suing me, I'd recommend they don't do that. But that's their choice. So he was a little less.

[Adam Carolla]

What everyone needs to do is just fucking step up and go, shut the fuck up. I had this happen with me, too.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You've been sued.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but I've had.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I've had it happen where a guest on my show or the guy was Dave Damaschek doing the sports, made a ching chong joke. He did some ching chong thing, and they all came after me. And at a certain point, I had to say, it wasn't me. I didn't do it. And it was like, yeah, but we don't care about him. They don't know him.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Your name's on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, your name's on the show. But more importantly, we don't know this name. Like, we don't know the kid's name. We do know Jimmy's name.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

It was somebody that was on your show.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like, I understand what you're tempting to do, but can we distill things down to what they are? Car. Meaning this. I've said it a million times. If somebody put a dent, you know, if Matt the Porcelain Punisher Fondelier over there put a dent in my car. And I walked out and I went, what's the meaning of this? And he went, boss, I know you had a bunch of phoners and the car was a mess, and I was going to take it out to the car wash and get it detailed for you, and a guy backed into me on the way to the car wash. I'd go, no problem, because you were trying to do something and it didn't work out. I got a dent my car. But your heart wasn't filled with malice. If he went, I just had a couple shots of Mangria and I was doing some donuts in the Costco parking lot and I got a little loose and hit a parked car. I'd go, what the fuck? Do you see what I'm saying? Each way you have a dent in your car. One way is what was the person, what was in their heart.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

And the other one was your amazing basket.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the one is this. Jimmy's a comedian. Jimmy has no malice toward Chinese people. And. And that's the point. There's nothing there. I don't get it. Why do we constantly try to make these people. And this. And let me say this. I have a lot to say about this. When are we as a society going to start attacking the attackers for taking these little innocuous jokes made by children or whatever the off the cuff statement is, and then comparing the person to Hitler who was a mass murderer? This guy killed millions of people. That's always the guy that killed lives. Right, but when are the people. I mean, you know, my grandfather's entire family was taken out by the fucking Holocaust step grandpa, so I'm not that interested. But the point is, it could be. Could have been blood. It could have been blood. And the point is this. When are people gonna fucking step up and go, how dare you compare this joke and this late night show host to this mass murder who marched people off and created genocide and exterminated people. That's an insult to everyone who survived the Holocaust. And it should be. The vitriol and the ire should be aimed toward those who take Hitler, whatever your color is, and march him out so freely over just some words that were said. Thank you, you the more you know. Mm, mm, mm. You know what? Let's go to meeting. Go to meeting. You want to get the team together? Mm. Probably take a sharpie and draw a little Hitler mustache on that screen if you wanted to.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But then it'd be permanently there when you go to a Meeting with your grandma.

[Allison Rosen]

And that'd be a problem because.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not only that, but then when you watch a little porn. Either way, let's not do that. Go to meeting.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Develop a weird fetish.

[Adam Carolla]

Might help. Yeah. Gotomeeting. With HD faces brought to you by Citrix, you can start hosting meetings in seconds from your computer, your mobile device. Sign up for free. 30 day free trial, no credit card required. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the try it free button. Use the promo code Adam. And by the way, someone is going to win a $300 Apple gift card. Just tweet us a picture of where you'd like to host your ideal gotomeeting and you'll be eligible to win. Use the hashtag winace and include at go to meeting. It's going to end November 17th. Quick, Dawson. Apple is a registered trademark of Apple Incorporated. Apple is not a participant or sponsor of this promotion.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

So, Adam, really quick, is there somewhere you'd like to come and hang out for a day where we could do a meet and greet the right way and get people to just.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just gonna wait in the line. Next time you do a concert, I'm gonna get my card. I'm gonna get my hand sanitizer.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Very efficient way of doing. Of doing everything. And I just think that if you were to come out and hang out and see the way that I do it, you'd probably take a different.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I got to. Like I said, I think I was playing like a Houston improv or something. Wait, there. There was a Houston.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Houston's what, four to 500 seats?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, back in the day where it was at the world's, like, the world's biggest bar was next door to it. And a big mall.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I know exactly what you.

[Adam Carolla]

Big scary mall. Yes. And literally the world's largest bar, which means the world's most drunk people.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

The most drunk drunk people in the parking lot. Next door. In the parking lot.

[Adam Carolla]

And the place was done up like a rainforest or something.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was doing the whole line thing at the end, and they said, gabriel does this. And I thought, that is one smart Mexican.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

And it's not even a matter of being smart. I just. I have a lot of patience. I have a lot of patience that's been built up over the years.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you got the photograph.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the story.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know what, though, Adam? At that time, at that time, I didn't have a photographer. I just.

[Adam Carolla]

I let people know they Had a premonition. What are you, by the way? What's your nationality?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I'm Mexican.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there you go.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

My background's Mexican, and I. I was born in Chula Vista, California. San Diego, basically.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No one will. Yeah. All right, where were we? Let's do another story.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so a high school football player passed.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. Okay, what if Spike Lee tweeted out that kid's home address from Kimmel?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Would that be the greatest moment of.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Whose life the kid?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Our lives.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

That would get so much controversy.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There's a. There's a. Okay, I have to say, because there's a boy who cried wolf kind of thing. If this is a prank by Kimmel, this is his greatest moment. If he got.

[Adam Carolla]

It could.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Of course it could be. Why can't it be?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you want to know if the.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Address was legit, then he can't consider that a prank.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. You got to go back protesting. Go back. One glass of mangrove.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Sorry about that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

If he contacts casting agents.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I just want to make this clear.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, God.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

My.

[Adam Carolla]

My God.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Number nine of a cup of man, Adam Corolla. You're an amazing man. You're an amazing man, and I have no reason to lie to you at this point. Look, I'm not bullshitting you. This is. You set up. You. First of all, a lot of people don't know this. Look, let me tell you something about your podcast, all right? When artists show up here, artists show up here comes a person, tells you that there's a certain call to time. Let's say it's five o', clock, okay? Be at the Adam Carolla show by five o', clock, all right? You show up at five o'.

[Adam Carolla]

Clock.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

When you get here, Adam Carolla is still on the air. He's doing his thing. He's doing his interview, his podcast with someone else, and they tell you, look, Adam is gonna be in this podcast for at least another 25 to 35 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that Dawson.

[Allison Rosen]

Hang out.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Hang out right here in this beautiful area next to the cars and the sofas and help yourself to anything you like like. And when I say help yourself to anything you like, they point automatically at that freaking Mangria bar, and they point at all the other alcohol and the freaking cookies and all the Cheez Its and all the other you have right there, and they say, help yourself. And so I walk in here, right? 30 days carb free like a motherfucker, and I show up here, and they say, Help yourself to anything you want. I'm like, you fucking kidding me? That's like telling a drug addict, you know what? Hey, you know what? I know you've been drug free for 30 days, but guess what? Here's some free heroin if you want it. So I help myself to the cheeses.

[Adam Carolla]

The cookies, and the freaking chocolate. 30 days carb free.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

30 days carb free. And then I have myself my first cup of Mangrillo, which I said, you know what? This is good. It could use ice. And then I look over and I go, look, a fridge. So I'll go in that fridge, and I pull out a bunch of ice, and I put in this cup, and my buddy John over there helps me out. He goes, dude, ice and Mangria is amazing. And then I combine the two because.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Adam. And two flavors. Yeah.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

So I combine orange and the second one, and I'm like, wow, this is really good. So I have two, and then I have three. You're still on the air. I have four, and then I have five. And then the guy comes out, he goes, you know what? My son a big fan. I go, that's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you tried the Mangria?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

And then I have six and seven, and then we start the show, and then I get to eight. And now right now, I'm on number 10. This is number 10 right here, Adam, if you want to ask me a question, that's how drunk I am. I forgot my account. I'm really drunk on the radio right now. If you have a question, now is the time to ask, because you're not even going to get a more honest answer. And yes. Okay, Adam, freaking Jimmy Kimmel could give the address to the kid, but at this point, I'll give a about that kid or. Or Jimmy Kimmel.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. How much weight have you lost since you've been carved?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

£107.

[Adam Carolla]

107.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you did. You look less fluffy.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yeah. Now I'm diabetic, which is why this alcohol has hit me so much.

[Adam Carolla]

If you go down to. Let's say you're fighting weight, and I don't know what that weight is.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Let's say I get down to £190.

[Adam Carolla]

£190. Do you think it'll affect your comedy at all?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Absolutely not.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that it's looking me straight in the eye.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Sobered up quickly.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know why? Because my new show is about me losing weight and what I'm doing to try to keep myself alive. And a lot of people can relate to that. You Know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Were you at your max?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

£445.

[Adam Carolla]

And how tall are you?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Five, nine.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, so that's big. At the max. Damn.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yeah, that's really big.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a lot of chance.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

That's a lot of everything.

[Adam Carolla]

And how have you done it? You've lost over £100 simply by not coming here.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Stopped drinking alcohol. I stopped eating cookies and candy and freaking chocolate covered almonds. I stopped eating carbs. I started. I work out. I work out every single day. I walk 3 miles minimum per day. And then I lift weights. I did yoga for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, I'd like to see that.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

It's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You got someone driving tonight though, right?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Oh, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

You may have to ride in the back seat, even being in that kind of proximity of the steering wheel. I feel like the ticket at this point for you. I think an officer could make a good argument that, yes, you're not operating the vehicle, but you should be in the trunk.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Secondhand blood alcohol part, Adam, is that in la? I'll get recognized by the cops because I do so many cop shows and they'll say, oh, that's fluffy. Just go right ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

I just did a cop show. My last words were, if anyone sees me and pulls me over, please, let's go with a fucking warning, shall we? All right, what were we talking about? But I do like. I do like your honesty.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know what? First of all, Adam, the first time I was here, I was like, you know what? I don't think that show went over very well. I was like, you know, I didn't think Adam liked me. Maybe I did something wrong. So the fact that you invited me to come back, I really appreciate it.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Mike August. But no, I love you and I've always been a fan of your standup. And now that you're a fan of Mangria and hell, maybe you can be an ambassador. I think this would go overwhelming the Hispanic community.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You know, here's the problem, Adam. You just said a Hispanic community. You should be concerned more about the world because, you know, I've passed the Hispanic community as far as, as the level of outreach. Yeah, no, no, not screw them. Just embrace the rest of the rest of the.

[Adam Carolla]

The nation for all the world.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

That's. Adam, that's how you should remember me.

[Adam Carolla]

What Michael Jackson thought about the children's. You'll be that.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Don't ask about the children's hunt.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll be that with all the alcoholics of the world.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just having big sleepovers with Them.

[Adam Carolla]

We need a face of Mangria.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, Jesus juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's what I'll say.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Jesus juice. Because automatically think Jesus juice. You think of people dying and committing crimes and just doing things they're not supposed to do. The bottom line is you have a person right now who's on your show who has enjoyed your beverage that you provided. And I have no reason to lie to you. And I'm telling you right now that if you want to reach to the rest of the world, not just the US or the Mexicans, I'm the person you should talk to.

[Adam Carolla]

We will talk about. Not tonight.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

When you're at a bevmo and you're pissed off because you're slanting cardboard boxes, you're gonna think of me.

[Adam Carolla]

I shall.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You're gonna say, you know what? Gabe had a right. Gabe just knew exactly what to do.

[Adam Carolla]

I call you Gabe.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I should listen to Gabe.

[Allison Rosen]

Cover up your ears for just one second. Whenever someone says, I have no reason to lie to you, I always go feel like they're lying.

[Adam Carolla]

Not Gabe.

[Allison Rosen]

I know you're not.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Ten of those.

[Adam Carolla]

Ten of those.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Ten of those. I know you're not his show late. And, you know, I appreciate the fact that we have no censorship. And I could enjoy this. Most radio stations wouldn't give me alcohol because they know what would happen. But, Adam, you're a brave man. You're a brave man. You say, I don't give a. Give the Mexican whatever he wants. And I'm drinking this. This. Your Mangria is amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I said beer, but I backed it up. And I said Mexican.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I didn't back up your dick pill. But you know what? I back up your alcohol. Your alcohol is phenomenal.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you so much. Well, I got something to back up. Borrow.com. you need cash, you need it fast. So where do you go? The bank, man. You max out that credit card, Adam, seriously. Fast way. Seriously.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

You're gonna go from me to an actual commercial?

[Adam Carolla]

I am. I am. She's trying. No, these guys.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Put the paper down. Just talk to me, bro. You don't have to back up the. The product. The people that are paying your bills. Talk to a person. Talk to somebody who's being real with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I don't have a reason to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's. Let's put you this way.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No reasonable to be here right now, other than the fact that I'm a fan of yours. I appreciate what you do, and I enjoy the fact that after the first time I was Here. And I didn't think you, like, you had me come back for a second time, and I appreciate that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry I gave you that impression, Gabe.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I'm enjoying some chocolate almonds and some mangria, which is, by the way, some of the greatest sangria Mangria, because Adam made it in the world. I don't like sangria. I don't. I really don't. And the fact that there was a bar out there and I was able to tap this thing and magic came out of it, I says, I need some more of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine if you did like it.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

So. No, here's the thing, bro. My alcohol of choice is Patron Silver Chilled. They don't pay me to tell you that. I love tequila. I love Patron.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you just like saying tequila and patron in that accent.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

No, you know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Why?

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Cuz I'm Mexican, bro. Automatically you got to take it.

[Allison Rosen]

No, cuz you're saying it in a special fancy way because I said it like this.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Cheers. Is I love the tequila and the.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

The. The Patron Silva that makes my Latino trop feel so wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

Say Budweiser in a real Mexican Budweiser, bro. Oh, no, don't be a dick, dude.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Come on, man. Man, I like you so much, man. Don't even take it there, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not taking there. All right, here's where I'm going to take it be.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Bottom line is, I want you guys to know right now that Gabriel Iglesias endorses Adam Corolla's Mangria, which is an amazing beverage. If you guys have the chance to check it out, try it. It is phenomenal. It'll make you say on the radio. You're not supposed to say, like, cuz I don't do that on freaking FM radio. I. I will do that on satellite radio, though. This is all right.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll pick this up on the way out.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yes.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

I like you, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

I like you too. And I love you. You need cash. You need it fast. Where do you go? The bank? You max out a credit card? No. There's an easier, smarter, faster way to go. You can get cash wired right to your account. B O R R O dot com. It's brilliant. You need a few grand for your kids tuition, unexpected medical bills, car repair. Just visit borrow.com and tell a friendly agent what you'd like to borrow on. So jewelry, antiques, even a car. They'll figure out what it's worth. They'll lend you some money. I talk to these guys. It's an incredible service. They're very reasonable. I was blown away. And they'll handle everything. So if you need a little cash and you got some, you got some jewelry laying around, you got a car laying around, Borrow.com handles everything from appraising to wiring cash to your account, all in as little as 24 hours. Dawson, even if you don't need cash today, try borrow.com right now. Just see how it works. Pick any valuable item you own, go to borrow.com or call and chat with a borrow agent in minutes. You'll get a range of how much cash you could have wired into your account in 24 hours. That's borro.com or call 8889-9578-7088-8995-7870, 888995, 7870. All right, let's bring it home. Alison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunts.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. David Wilde, the guy who's Fluffy, who you met out in the hall. You can go ahead and check his CMA Country Music awards or just CMA Country Music.

[Gabriel Iglesias]

He was really nice.

[Adam Carolla]

He is a Sweet Man. Airs December 2nd on ABC. Wild About Music is where you go. Gabriel Iglesias. Aloha. Fluffy two hour comedy special available on Amazon. And then a bunch of live, live tour dates. Go to the website fluffyguy.com find out when he's coming to a town near you. So until next time, this is Adam Crow for Gabriel Iglesias. David, Adam, thank you for having me. Thank you very much. Allison Rosen and bald Brian saying mahalo. I'm going to take a swing at that cop's horse. All right, that's adam Cole show 1206 with Fluffy. That does it for this weekend's Crawl classics. Make sure to tune next weekend for three.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

All new installments.

[Adam Carolla]

Until then, Mahal. And get it on.