Romany Malco + Jerry Ferrara (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Romany Malco + Jerry Ferrara (Carolla Classics)

Date: September 26, 2025
Episode Focus: Highlights from the Adam Carolla Show episodes featuring Romany Malco (actor, “40 Year Old Virgin”, “Weeds”, “Think Like a Man”) and Jerry Ferrara (actor, “Entourage”) with discussions spanning viral headlines, celebrity interviews, and comedic takes on pop culture and society.

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Overview

This “Carolla Classics” episode serves up remixed best-of discussions and interviews archived from two 2014 Adam Carolla Show episodes. The first segment spotlights Romany Malco as he shares his unique path from music to acting, reflects on "40 Year Old Virgin," and banters with the crew about race, pop culture, and Hollywood authenticity. The second major segment brings in Jerry Ferrara, who discusses his acting journey, the making of "Entourage," and the realities of playing Arturo Gatti in a biopic. Throughout, Adam, “Bald” Bryan, and Allison Rosen chime in with unfiltered, witty takes on current events and classic Carolla rants.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Viral “Poo Plane” Story (00:59–24:49)

• Summary: The show offers a deep dive into a much-tweeted news event: an emotional support dog making a mess mid-flight, forcing an emergency landing. Chris Law, producer for the Rich Eisen Podcast and a first-hand witness, calls in with details.
• Highlights:
  • Dog Incident Coverage (02:10–03:58): Adam and crew discuss the escalation of allowing dogs on flights. Adam likens society to a burning “rope bridge” while everyone’s “just drinking beer.”
    • “There’s going to be dogs dying in the air.” – Adam (02:58)
  • Chris Law Call-In (13:00–24:49): Chris recounts witnessing the dog’s multiple accidents, dry heaving passengers, biohazard response, and the owner’s “walk of shame” off the flight.
    • “By the time she got to about row 4, there was some clapping that started happening when she was going off.” – Chris Law (22:14)

2. Riffing on Celebrity and Pop Culture

• Fake Service Dogs & Social Contracts (24:40–27:56): Adam laments the eroding “social contract” and entitlement culture.
  • “All we have as a society is this sort of unspoken agreement to act a certain way... it’s kind of floating out the window.” – Adam (26:00)
• Movie Critiques & “A Million Ways to Die in the West” Review (30:46–39:06): In signature ‘Baldiwood’ style, Bryan reviews Seth McFarlane’s movie, scoring it a “C” and examining comedy, plot, and Hollywood sequels.
  • “It is not a disaster… there’s some good jokes in here, but nowhere near as funny as ‘Ted’.” – Adam (33:54)

3. FEATURE INTERVIEW: Romany Malco (43:07–66:56)

• Music/Acting Origin Story (43:07–49:44): Malco talks Paul Abdul’s “Scat Cat,” meeting John Leguizamo, and his accidental entry into acting.
  • “Before 40 Year Old Virgin, my name was Romany Malaco. After, I was the black guy from 40 Year Old Virgin.” – Romany (48:05)
• Behind the Scenes on “40-Year-Old Virgin” (49:34–51:14): About 50% improv, strong group chemistry, and Seth Rogen’s precocious talent.
• Industry Banter & Cultural Commentary:
  • On the flood of sequels, overseas movie markets, and the shift away from witty, dialogue-based American comedies.
    • “Movies are more picturesque… you want to make movies they can understand. American comedy doesn’t translate.” – Romany (65:58)
  • Candid talk on societal and racial attitudes (83:36–96:42):
    • “I got called ‘nigger’ so much... there was like a numbing where it didn’t really have the same effect.” – Romany (88:08)
• Notable Banter:
  • “Let me tell you what I would do if I were black…” – (91:04–95:51, Adam’s classic, provocative humor)

4. FEATURE INTERVIEW: Jerry Ferrara (165:35–179:00)

• Podcast & Project Plugs: Talks “Bad for Business” podcast, “Entourage” movie (set for summer release), and biopic on boxer Arturo Gatti.
• Casting & Backstory for Gatti Role (167:49–175:13): Insights into how he got the role, the mysterious circumstances regarding Gatti’s death, and honoring his story.
  • “If I get into this and I truly feel like I can’t do a good job, I promised Pat Lynch, I’ll walk away before I do a disservice.” – Jerry Ferrara (173:26)
• “Entourage”:
  • Early adopters of the show, Johnny Drama’s fictional IMDb, and the fantasy of “big house, whole crew, Hollywood living.”
  • “There’s some sort of fantasy about guys all living in the same big house up in the hills and having fun.” – Adam (166:35)
• Food Biz: Jerry’s involvement in Fat Sal’s Deli, making over-the-top sandwiches.
• Bathroom Etiquette and Workplace Rant: Hilarious discussion of bathroom policy, labor disputes, and shitting at work vs. home (180:49–193:18).

5. Carolla Show Signature Tangents & News

• Hollywood Authenticity (59:41–61:48):
  • Romany on actors who pretend to be experts on screen:
    “It’s one of my pet peeves ... someone rambles off stuff as if they really, really know it...”
• Justin Bieber “Chainsaw” Joke Scandal (81:57–86:54):
  • Bieber’s racist joke tape, differing standards for public outrage, and whether apologies suffice.
• Classic Carolla:
  • Rants about adult “yummy phase” behavior, people who blast music from cars, workplace toilet tracking, and the invention of the “Nerf toilet” (69:03–71:24).
  • Frequent call-in bits, including a mock interview for Big Brother with Adam’s signature edgy humor (158:06–161:22).

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Notable Quotes & Moments w/ Timestamps

• “There’s going to be dogs dying. There’s going to be dogs shitting. There’s going to be dogs biting people and fucking and fighting…” – Brian Bishop (04:05)
• “We have a society where everyone thinks they’re fucking special, then … bring your dog everywhere. When you have 320 million special people, you live in a shitty society.” – Adam (25:00)
• “Before 40 Year Old Virgin, my name was Romany Malco. After, I was the black guy from 40 Year Old Virgin.” – Romany Malco (48:05)
• “Movies are more picturesque…because most of the money is made overseas. American comedy doesn’t translate.” – Romany Malco (65:58)
• “I would love to shit into a Nerf toilet. I’d like to lean back into a Nerf toilet.” – Brian Bishop (70:54)
• “People have predetermined notions of what I am and what I could do. And that’s fine, I actually enjoy that at times.” – Jerry Ferrara (174:07)
• “We’re kind of done with our folks…by 19, if everyone just moves off.” – Adam Carolla on cultural differences (93:06)

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Format/Tone

• Style: Unfiltered, rapid-fire, digressive, consistently sprinkled with Carolla’s signature sarcasm and pop culture savvy.
• Vibe: Lively group banter, real-talk about show business, and thought-provoking comedy. Frequent asides and running gags.

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Quick Reference – Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |-------------|----------------------------------------------| | 00:59–24:49 | Poo Plane – Viral headline and eyewitness | | 43:07–66:56 | Romany Malco: career, comedy, race, Hollywood| | 165:35–179:00| Jerry Ferrara: Entourage, Gatti, sandwiches | | 180:49–193:18| Bathroom policy, workplace etiquette | | 81:57–86:54 | Bieber joke scandal, race in media |

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Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates the Carolla formula: irreverent takes on modern culture, authentic Hollywood stories, and incisive social commentary, all delivered with the epic flow of returning guests whose candor brings substance and hilarity in equal measure. Whether you want stories about viral messes on planes, a masterclass in improvisational acting, a primer on why American comedies struggle overseas, or just a rant about work bathrooms, you’ll find it here—Carolla-style.

Transcript

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[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics available ad free exclusively through Podcast one. If you'd like to find the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, or exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classics.com now on to the clips coming up first we have Adam Crolla Show 1336 featuring Romney Malko, Chris Law, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day, Allison Rosa hello Adam. Carolla Bald Brian I don't know what we're yelling about.

[Adam Carolla]

Youngleopold wanted that on Twitter with the hashtag topdrop.

[Brian Bishop]

Romney Malko was and is the Black man from 40 year old virgin, the guy who worked at the big box store or the stereo store. Super funny actor. I mean that's probably where you know him. I'm trying to think. I would say so where you know him best from. But anyway, you would lead with that.

[Adam Carolla]

If you were telling someone who was.

[Brian Bishop]

Seen him in a ton of things. But that's if you don't recognize the name, you would definitely recognize the face.

[Adam Carolla]

That movie's been full of great characters and he's up there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he's really good in it. Let's see. So much to talk about. Everyone's been tweeting me about the dog and the plane.

[Allison Rosen]

I've never been tweeted a story as many times as I've been tweeted this story. Even after I tweeted about it, if I never received this story again, I've still received it 800 times. A lot more came by.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well we not only have that, we'll be getting to that in a second but we have a gentleman who was on the plane who is Rich Eisen's podcast producer, I believe, who was actually on the flight to Philadelphia and is going to be calling us in. Or we'll call into him, but either.

[Allison Rosen]

Way, yeah, his tweets were used in a lot of the news stories about it. He's kind of famous. He was like a ground zero for the dog shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it feels good to be right all the time, but I feel like I am just staring at a rope bridge that's on fire. This is our society, and there's a bunch of people on it just drinking beer. And I'm standing around going, that bridge is going to come down. And everyone's looking at me going, really? You think so? I don't know why. And I'm like, cause it's a rope bridge and it's on fucking fire, and there's a whole bunch of fat people on it drinking beer. And they're like, anyway, what were you talking about? Do you guys see what happened with Beyonce's sister and Jay Z in the elevator there? And I go, that. That El. That. That rope bridge coming down. And everyone goes, she looked pissed. And then I go, all right, moving on. And then a week later, the rope bridge comes down. A bunch of people get fucked up. And so. And then everyone comes to me and goes, you're right. You were right. And I'm like, of course I'm right. How many domestic and or international flights do we have every day? Hundreds, tens of thousands? If you're gonna bring a dog on every fourth flight, there's gonna be a dog shitting. I mean, there's gonna be dogs dying in the air.

[Allison Rosen]

Surprising it hasn't happened more often. Ooh. Imagine an announcement. Are there any veterinary professionals on this plane?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's gonna be dogs dying. There's going to be dogs shitting. There's going to be dogs biting people and fucking and fighting with themselves. I've already experienced the ones fighting with each other. It's going to be out there. All right, so we'll get to that. We'll get a firsthand account of that. I. The. We're turning the plane around or we're doing a forced landing in Kansas City. I would be the worst passenger on the plane. Second worst for the hat. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the guy whose dog just shut the plane.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Gal.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I'd just be like, listen, whatever it is, it's bad. It's gonna be worse. We have to get off the fucking plane. Yeah, I know.

[Allison Rosen]

So the reason that they had to emergency land in Kansas City is because apparently passengers were dry heaving and throwing up. Now I judge them a little bit like, oh, come on. Well, it's gross, but you really have to throw up.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's the other thing too. I was thinking about this. Look, go to, go up to first class, go grab five bottles, the little mini bottles of gin and just dump it right over wherever that thing skeeted.

[Allison Rosen]

Totally antiseptic.

[Brian Bishop]

That's it. It'll just. Gin will fucking kill anything. It's fucking Clorox for drunk people.

[Adam Carolla]

Or use the Jack Daniels, get a nice like smell of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice. Yeah, that, that's a double edged sword though. Because now, yeah, you're mixing it with shit you like. Like someone goes, well it smells like shit. Yeah, but what if we put barbecue sauce on it? Now it's shit with barbecue sauce and your brain starting to freak out. The gin.

[Allison Rosen]

I take it you don't like gin.

[Brian Bishop]

Gin will take it. I don't mind gin. Well, I'm one of these, like, I'm like Michael Jackson with booze, but him with kids. I love all booze from around all boozes. They're all my children, you know what I mean? I can't pick out. Of course I'm sure he liked Macaulay Culkin over some kid with a funky hair lip. But the point is that they're all his children.

[Adam Carolla]

You prefer your scotch, Ace? 12 years instead of 18.

[Brian Bishop]

Just once it becomes of age, it's no good anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

Why does he like 24 year old scotch? Because there's 20 of them.

[Brian Bishop]

If you're trying to bait me into talking shit about booze, it's not gonna work.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay?

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, noted. But out of all my children, if one of them was to get backed over by cement truck, it would be gin. You know what I mean? I don't want to lose any of them. I love them all.

[Allison Rosen]

You're a true humanitarian.

[Brian Bishop]

But I worked at a liquor store when I was 17 and I knocked over, I was using a hand truck and I knocked over like two cases of gin and broke like 11 bottles on the concrete slab in the back of the store. And all it did was smell like a hospital room. Like it wasn't like, oh, who dropped the beer? Or who dropped the booze or who dropped the Jack Daniels? Like it didn't have any of that. It was just like smelled like a more clean. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know why, but just.

[Adam Carolla]

Go well, juniper berries and have some crossover with. I'm sure the pine Ish smell of cleaning products.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, just go open five of those and sprinkle them down the aisle or dump them on a rag and everyone can breathe through it. All I'm saying is the part where we're turning the plane around.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And especially I'm sure that Chris Law can tell us more, but I think they sat on the tarmac for I don't know how many hours because fuel spilled on the tarmac. I mean, it was already a flight from hell to begin with.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so you have to deboard.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you take your bags off the plane that are overhead compartments? How extensive does it get?

[Brian Bishop]

We're going to find out one thing, so we'll talk to Chris about that. Who was on the flight? One thing I did find out via superfan Giovanni, who sent me an email about it the other day. We're trying to figure out why LeVar Burton was pissed at me and called me at my desk at the man show and lit into me. I found out we used to do a bit called Movies Men Don't Want to See. And I feel like I wrote maybe the lion's share of these things, and I would just sit around and come up with movies that a guy would never want to go out and see. And this is why LeVar Burton. We'll play a man show clip, but this is why LeVar Burton called me. There's nothing worse than having to sit through a chick movie. Two hours of feelings. I don't need that. I'd rather spend two hours locked in a porta potty with the Backstreet Boys. Even disaster movies like Titanic and Armageddon are infected with sappy love stories and woman crap. So as a service to men everywhere, we've put together a group of upcoming movies to avoid. Think of this as a cinematic early warning system. The following films are movies men want to see. First up, a comedy from the producers of the First Wives Club, two of America's most beloved stars in a wild romp through the hilarious world of blanket making, Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin are quilting. I thought you were going to skip to it here. Stitches. Seriously, my wife would need an ether rag, a roll of duct tape, and a wheelbarrow to get me to that one. Next, an inspiring struggle for pride and survival in the Old West. Dick van Patten and LeVar Burton experienced firsthand the trials and tribulations of interracial gay adoption in the 1800s. In Pioneer Dads, they worked the land and each other. All right, not that bad. Well, he didn't like it. He wanted to know why I made him the dad. And I was like, well, first off, it's got to be somebody.

[Chris Law]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

At least he picked you. Could be off the radar.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And it's an interracial thing. So, you know, we've whittled it down. And Denzel said no. Yeah, Denzel passed Romany Malco wasn't on the map back then, so. So that would have been confusing. So I picked, you know, Dick Van Patten's not calling me. He got picked too. Yeah. That's why LeVar Burton called me at my desk to light into me. All right, we will talk to Chris in just a couple of few. Why don't you call Chris Chris Lobb. So he was on the poo poo flight and I still. Gary, I still don't know. We know it was like a Labradoodle. It was a big dog. Yeah, that's. We're still looking for exact details, but what we know is that it was a big dog. Looked like a full sized Labradoodle, and the owner was female.

[Allison Rosen]

I think the dog's name was Truffles.

[Brian Bishop]

She looked to be in her 50s or 60s. I couldn't quite tell. But she was right in that sweet crazy spot of I thrice divorced. I'm bringing my dog everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

A labradoodle named Truffles.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not sure about the Labrandoodle part.

[Adam Carolla]

This seems fake, although it's all too real.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. I guarantee that that dog there was not a seeing eye dog. I mean, it was there. It was an anxiety dog. I'm sure. I'm sure it was a bullshit. Get a note from the Dr. Dog.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's what I want to find out from Chris Law because someone tweeted me and said it was a CNI dog, but it didn't look to be in the photo at all.

[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

Thoughtful.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's just one of those things that would.

[Adam Carolla]

Proactive.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. If Daniel just got your dog, your cat.

[Allison Rosen]

Dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Dog.

[Allison Rosen]

Excuse you?

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, I thought you had a cat, too.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't have a meow box.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. That's right. Ooh, Good name. No, good name for A's, V. Just a dog. Ah. Last year, BarkBox donated over $150,000 to shelters. And today, this year, 2014, they're going to go for 1 million. 10% of the proceeds all go to help out the unfortunate pups. Visit barkbox.com Adam, save 20% off your first subscription. Barkbox, baby. All right, Chris, let's try this again. Chris.

[Chris Law]

Yeah, you guys got me?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we got you now. Chris Law. Good to speak to you, Chris.

[Chris Law]

How's it going? Adam, Good to talk with you.

[Brian Bishop]

Good. So are you the producer of the Rich Eisen podcast?

[Chris Law]

Yeah, yeah, we've met a handful of times, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I probably saw you just a couple of months ago when I did Rich's show then.

[Chris Law]

Yeah. And then we had the issue of getting you into the studio with security not finding you.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I don't know. When do we get to officially all start screaming at security people to do their fucking job? Like, they move the studio from one side to the other side. There's a set of buildings on the left and a set of buildings on the right. They started off on the set of buildings on the left, and then when I show up, I go to where the podcast was the last three times I did it, and there's nobody there. No one has any idea what's going on, because the security guy was supposed to say, hey, when Adam Carolla pulls up right at 2 o', clock, send him over here. Except for, of course, why would they ever even begin to do their job?

[Chris Law]

It's too easy. You know, we send a photo of, hey, here's who's coming, here's the time. Please guide them, direct them. It didn't work out for us.

[Brian Bishop]

I say every time to everyone I know, the guys who work on the lot, when you pull onto the lot, why are they surprised? Like, it's always this. I'm here to see Rich Eisen. Who? Rich Eisen. What's your name?

[Adam Carolla]

He'll say, what department?

[Brian Bishop]

What? What? What? Rich Eisen. And your name is Rich, too. No, I'm Adam Carolla. I understand I might not be on the list, but you shouldn't be that Confused. You work in a shack that's at the end of a driveway with a fucking gate on it, and there's people coming all day long. Why are you put off? Like, why is that confusing that this is going on?

[Chris Law]

You'll love it. There was a new protocol actually implemented after this as well to ensure it doesn't happen where more people down the chain of commander filled in when people are coming out, all inspired by your.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. I'm a champion for change, Chris. All I'm saying is if you, if you were a gardener and you showed up at a house once a week to mow the lawn, would you show up and go, the lawns a little higher? What's up? Or would you know? Or do you say, I do this every day, every week. This is what I do. I understand it. I'm not confused. Maybe I don't want to mow the lawn, but I'm not confused by the lawn. These guys are confused that people are showing up to what they think is their workplace. But it's all right. We're working. So anyway, Chris, you were on the flight to Philly.

[Chris Law]

I was, yeah. It was 6:25am Flight. Yeah, it was. It was a long day.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so set the stage. What time do you leave your crappy one bedroom apartment?

[Chris Law]

So. Yeah, exactly. I leave at about five. I left a little bit just before five. Got there. I'm. I was one of the first ones to board and I noticed the lady, you know, one year old, waiting to board. She goes up and talks to somebody at the counter and it's a full size dog. And I was just a little startled because it's not something you see normally in an airport. In la, you see everyone with a dog, but it's usually a small lap dog or it did have a service collar, but there was, there was no indication of any, any service being performed in any way, shape or form. I think, Allison, you mentioned beforehand that you heard maybe it was a seeing eye dog. It certainly wasn't.

[Brian Bishop]

No. And the woman, approximate age of the woman?

[Chris Law]

I would say in her mid-40s.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, now what, what were you, where were you? As far as the plane goes, Middle front, back.

[Chris Law]

So I'm in. It's a US Airways flight. I'm in the exit row. So it's row 10 on the, on the. If you're looking forward on the left side. So 10A.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're 10 back. All right, now we're, we're out of first class, right?

[Chris Law]

Out of her, yeah. First class is the first four. Okay, so there's 16th in front of me. And then I think it goes all the way back to about 35 rows.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so you're pretty close to the front of the plane.

[Chris Law]

Close to the front of the plane.

[Brian Bishop]

And she's sitting where?

[Chris Law]

So she's sitting in the back of the plane. And I would say we'll call it Row 27, Row 28. Towards the back of the plane. I didn't, I didn't really. I kind of forgot about her. I didn't really notice her. But we had a two and a half hour delay in Los Angeles on the tarmac because it's just the worst. I mean, LAX is awful. They spilled a thousand gallons of fuel on our plane, so the fire department had to come. So during this two and a half.

[Allison Rosen]

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[Brian Bishop]

That's it.

[Allison Rosen]

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[Chris Law]

She's hopping up with the dog and just walking it up and down the aisle. And since I have the exit row, it's a US Airways has large exit rows, so there's a lot of space there. So she's just hanging out. So I'm at this point, I just snapped the photo over because I'm like, I've never seen this before. And I tweeted it out like something funny. Like, this plane has everything and it's.

[Brian Bishop]

Basically a medium to large sized dog. Right?

[Chris Law]

It's a large dog. I don't know what it was. It almost looked like a labradoodle.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Chris Law]

You know what that is?

[Brian Bishop]

But sadly, I do not proud to say that. And so she's walking it up and down because now you got the delay.

[Chris Law]

Not only is she walking it up and down, she has, you know, she's got a sippy cup water bottle. So she's giving him some water right near us. Anyway, long story short, two and a half hours on the Runway, we take off. About 45 minutes into taking off, I had to use the restroom and the front lavatory was occupied. So I noticed the Back two were open. So I walk to the back of the plane, and as I'm getting to where her row is, the dog has its own seat. It's in the middle seat. She's in the aisle seat.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it sitting on the seat?

[Chris Law]

It was sitting on the seat.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Chris Law]

It was actually sitting.

[Brian Bishop]

What about the next human being that's going to be on that flight? Like, maybe that person is allergic to dogs or maybe it just doesn't like dog asshole, where it's asshole and is going to be par.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll bet you considered that, though.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sure.

[Allison Rosen]

And was its paw hogging the armrest?

[Chris Law]

Yeah, exactly. She's taking up both the arms. So as I approach, I noticed white powder all over the floor and the US blanket. And the three flight attendants are all standing at the back of the plane with the service carts, but they can't push them because this white powder and blanket is now obstructing the aisle. So I step over it and I actually. Somebody stole a powder or it was just looked weird. And she's like, no, the dog relieved itself in the aisle. And we had to. We had. We had to put cleaner down. I was like, wow. And I apologize, man. I'm sorry. You could deal with that. Went to the bathroom and came up to the front of the plane. So we were kind of joking about it.

[Brian Bishop]

She.

[Chris Law]

She gave me a free beverage. They gave everyone actually a free. Free drink.

[Brian Bishop]

You know. You know what had taken a lot of the pressure off of this woman with the fake service dogs? If you'd shit in the aisle, because that really would have been. The focus would have been turned toward you.

[Adam Carolla]

Take one for the team.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Two for the team.

[Chris Law]

Well, so I go back to my seat, and this is about. Probably 90 minutes later, and a small rush of about five to seven passengers start moving their way forward, very annoyed. And with the stewardess or flight attendant, and they're getting reset up in the front of the plane. And I asked her what happened. She goes, the dog is just crapped all over everywhere. So was that the back seat in the aisle? And then the smell was so bad, other people were getting sick and throwing up. It was basically like a scene out of. It was like lard ass and stand by me. You know, whenever he projectile vomits and everyone else starts vomiting.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone else starts, yeah, it's a pie eating contest. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So that first thing with the white powder was that urine?

[Chris Law]

I don't know. She just said relieved. So I believe it was.

[Allison Rosen]

Because if you didn't smell it. It must have been right?

[Chris Law]

Yeah. And I didn't smell much the whole time. The second time when those people started coming up, you could actually, there was a little odor, but. So the lady then gets on the loudspeaker and after, after this the captain does as well and announces that there's a. Due to an incident in the rear of the plane, we have to divert an emergency land in Kansas City. So then the lady didn't say this over the loudspeaker, but she was talking to a couple of people. She just mentioned that due to biohazardous waste in the back of the plane, the hazmat team had to be called and HAZMAT was going to board flight and it was just, it just turned into one thing after another after another.

[Brian Bishop]

And how did it go for the woman who owned the dog? I mean, when it was time to do.

[Chris Law]

So, she got off in Kansas City and didn't finish the trip. She was the only one that got off the plane. They told us originally that everyone was going to have to deboard while they cleaned the plane, but that ended up not happening. So before HAZMAT got on it took about 25 minutes for the HAZMAT to come on. But during that time she walked up the aisle and left and again I was in row 10. By the time she got to about row 4, there was some clapping that started happening when she was going off. So she kind of had a little walk of shame out. But it was so surreal. All I could do is just laugh.

[Brian Bishop]

And how long then were you on the ground in kc?

[Chris Law]

Yeah, so we're on the ground for about a half hour before HAZMAT comes on. They cleaned the plane for about 30 minutes I'd say. And I mean this flight couldn't have been any more ridiculous. The captain then announces that due to the two and a half hour wait on the LA tarmac and the hour we had been waiting there, the lavatories were near full. So we couldn't take off with full lavatory. So we had to wait for another half hour for them to have someone come and empty the lavatory.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of shit based problems on that plane. Wow. So now when did you finally set down in Philadelphia? And when were you supposed to touch down in Philadelphia?

[Chris Law]

I think we hit the ground at about, I want to say 6:45pm, 6:30, somewhere around there, east coast time. The flight was scheduled to land at 2:37, say about four hours. Yeah, about four, four, four and a half hours. And then luggage. So it Was interesting. There were some people that handled it better than others. Told people around a little upset. But yeah, it was one of those you don't want to call someone out if it is in fact a service dog. But the dog was serving no purpose. It was insane.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the woman, the woman seemed fine. And here's the whole point. What was she doing four years ago? She was flying without that dog. And not only four years ago, but if she. She looked to be about 50 years of age. She's probably been traveling for the last 30 years without the fucking dog. The now it's so. Hey, Chris.

[Chris Law]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you so much for contributing. This is breaking news and yes, I.

[Chris Law]

Wasn'T expecting it to blow up like it did. And when Peter King hit me up last night from Sports Illustrated, I think Inside Edition did a story on it. It's been a little insane.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you're a hero.

[Allison Rosen]

Chris, can I ask you a question? The Inside Edition story says that the woman tried to apolog to everyone and wanted to get their addresses to offer them a Starbucks gift card. Were you there for that?

[Chris Law]

Yeah, I wasn't. I saw. Because I didn't see it live. Somebody sent me a link to it again. She was probably about 16 or 17 rows behind me. So I think it was just the people that were actually in the area where it went down. But yeah, so I can't confirm that, but I'm sure the guy. I'm sure it happened though.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, Chris.

[Chris Law]

No problem, guys. Have a good rest of the show.

[Brian Bishop]

Give my love to Rich and we'll see you soon. Well, anyway, look, and then there's gonna have to be a rule made. It's just, it's just fucking nuts. Like leave it. It's just, it's this self entitled here's what I want to do. It's, it's just, I don't know, like again, as I've said a million times, all we have as a society is this sort of unspoken agreement to act a certain way. If you really think about, you know, if you really just think about social contract. Social contract. If everyone just said fuck it, I want to drive a car that's nicer than the car I currently drive. And they said I'll take it by force, then it'd just be total pandemonium and chaos in the streets. Like there's just a certain decorum. And then every once in a while people slip outside that social contract and they stab you or they rape you or they do something horrible to you. But for the most part there's a little bit of a. You get to the four way stop sign at the same time. You wave the guy on, he waves you on and you say thank you. And there's that. It's kind of floating out the window. It's turning into a everyman for themselves. I, I blame Washington, but I also blame Madison Avenue for doing all this. It's your world and we're just living in it. And all this kind of Red Bull bullshit and all this sort of Reebok kind of, you know, Red bullshit. Red Bull, Red bullshit. And sort of Washington too, for the. What do you need? We'll take care of you. You're special. Every kid's special. Everyone's special. Look, if we have a society where everyone just thinks they're fucking special, then bring your dog by all means. Bring your right, right on into the hospital room, wherever you want. There's you're, you know when you're special, unfortunately, when you have 320 million special people, then you live in a shitty society. Somebody's gonna have to do the after you or like I said, fucking love my dog Molly. I'd love to travel around with my dog Molly. I go to shitty places and do things I don't want to do and it'd be awesome to have my dog with me, but I would never do that to anyone else. At the hotel, at the plane, on the plane, or anywhere else. You know what?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm won. There are circumstances where dogs do need to fly. Like if you're moving, let's say. And let's say you don't bring your dog in the cabin. It just goes where dogs go on planes when they're not in the cabin.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you drug them and you put them in a crate.

[Allison Rosen]

But there are some long flights. Are dogs shitting up their crates constantly?

[Brian Bishop]

They must be, I'm sure. Although they always say you don't shit where you fly. They always say that, let's say for a reason. Yes. All right, Baldiwood. I'm excited about Million Ways to Die in the west because was weird. I love Seth Macfarlane, but I saw a lot of the commercials and clips. I saw the movie, seem very vaudevillian almost. There's a lot of big broad physical humor and. And also then I thought, well, when you do a 30 second TV commercial, that's what you have to do. You have to have the big boom, boom, boom, obvious jokes. Hit the head with a snow shovel because it's 30 seconds and people want to see a little pop. It's Hard to do the long winded, cerebral stuff on the 32nd. But then I went on to Rotten Tomatoes and it seemed like people weren't. Yeah, you guys haven't seen the easy about it. So I really want to know because this is, I mean, a huge follow up to Ted. First, speaking of quality programming, A and E Emmys coming up. Emmy season right around the corner. I wonder who's hosting that this year. Tina and Amy Poehler. Either way, they want to remind a need. Like to remind our friends. Those of you listen in the industry. Do a little voting out there to cast your ballots June 20th. And be sure to consider Bates Motel. I've been watching this. They got me the whole box set.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Brian Bishop]

It's really crazy. I mean, it's incredibly well acted, incredibly well shot. Like it's just incredibly well executed. Outstanding.

[Adam Carolla]

Worthy, you would say.

[Brian Bishop]

I would say for outstanding lead actor in a drama series, you could go with Freddie Highmore. Or he's a young Norman Bates.

[Adam Carolla]

This isn't old Norman Bates rotting away.

[Brian Bishop]

In jail, not for crimes he committed. Young Vera Farmiga is also in this. She is outstanding. And you could vote for her for lead actress in drama series, but just a really good series. Just incredibly well done. Everything is so good now. There's so much good, especially A and E and especially Bates Motel. So let's get our votes in A. Andy genuinely appreciates your consideration this year. So thank you in advance from our good friends at A and E. All right. Should we do a little Bollywood? Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good.

[Romany Malco]

Brian will review the flicks that he's.

[Brian Bishop]

Seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue.

[Romany Malco]

Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Transformers 2. Hooray for Bounty war.

[Adam Carolla]

Million Ways to Die in the west came out on Friday. It's in theaters now. Written and co written and directed by Seth MacFarlane. Starring Seth, of course. Charlize Theron is in this. Is it Theron or Theron?

[Brian Bishop]

She says Theron.

[Adam Carolla]

Charlize Theron's in this. Amanda Seyfried, Liam Neeson, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman, Neil Patrick Harris. Really good cast. Okay, the story's kind of neither here nor there. Seth MacFarlane's character gets dumped early in the film by Amanda Seyfried. He tries to win her back. There's some gun fighting, blah, blah, blah. It's really just an excuse to string together jokes. The story's not really here nor there. You Looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes. It is getting killed by the critics. It is like 33%. It's not doing well.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, you could almost see that it would be. I mean, it's not the kind of thing critics would like, but I was a little bit. I thought it would be one of those things where the critics gave it 34%, but the audience gave it 82%. Because those are the people, the 24 year old dudes who want to go love the Family Guy, who want to go see this thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Prime demo.

[Brian Bishop]

And when you see the audience, which is always going to be higher, but still in the mid to low 50s, you kind of go, uh oh, what was that about?

[Adam Carolla]

So here's what I think happens. Seth MacFarlane makes a movie called Ted. You guys have seen it?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you seen it, Allison?

[Allison Rosen]

I have not.

[Adam Carolla]

I loved it. I think it's brilliant. It was a great movie. It was the big breakout summer hit of 2012. And it seems like every year there's one of those. In 2013, it was this is the end kind of came out of nowhere, was a big hit. And then bridesmaids of 2011 came out of nowhere. It was a huge hit. It's always one of those big summer movies, comedies. It just becomes this huge hit. And Ted was it two years ago. And the critics kind of. They give it like 68%, I think, on Rotten Tomatoes, what ended up at. And in my opinion, it's 25 points higher than that. It's a 90% movie. I think it's really funny and really well done. But here's this TV guy and the critics are like, well, he's this vulgar TV guy and we're not gonna, you know, blah, blah, blah, and they turn out to miss the mark. I think they missed the mark here a little bit too. It's not a 33% movie. I know people tweet us all the times. Not how it works. I know that it's the percentage of critics that say yes or no, but it averages out to generally what the movie should be.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not a 33% movie. The audience has it right. It's a low 50s. It's not great, but it is not a disaster. There's some good jokes in here, some good laughs, but nowhere near as funny as Ted, I'm sorry to say.

[Allison Rosen]

But do you walk out of it feeling like, oh, yeah, that was an enjoyable couple hours, or do you walk out angry?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I.

[Allison Rosen]

It was like pure luck with Martin short.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this is. No, it's not an offensive movie. You will not be regretful that you went to see it. If you go into expecting, man, I can't wait to see the next movie from the guy who did Ted. I'm gonna be a little disappointed, but temper yourself and realize that this is nowhere near as bad as people say it is.

[Brian Bishop]

I was angered that I went. You know when you go to these websites and they just click you over to a thousand other websites. Cause they're like. Because there'll be some story at the bottom that says, how to lose a ton of belly fat while napping. And you'll just go, tell me more. What? And you'll just click on it, and then they'll go, oh, It'll be like 10 celebrities that have 11 toes. And you go, who? And then you'll. You just have to click on it. Cause it'll be like, you have to. Yeah, they'll do. Once in a while, they go the easy route, which is hottest celebrity bikini bodies or something, and just go, fuck it. You know, it's one click away. But a lot of times it's just weird. It'll be like celebrities that have been attacked by condors. And you'll go, oh, fuck. I want to know, wow, Jason Bateman was attacked by condor. I want to see this. I want to know what the story was.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's hard to ever. My experience is it's hard to ever get to that information. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You get to see the one that was already on the postage stamp that was like, oh, I already know Bateman was attacked by condor. I want to know the other nine then. That you never get to. But they did the. I was just punching around the Internet and they did the, you know, 10 movies that were underrated, like, panned by.

[Adam Carolla]

The critics, but turned out to be good.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Or that people didn't think were much, much good. And then. But turns out they. I guess they were good. Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Were you hoping the hammer was on there?

[Brian Bishop]

No, actually, never. That's not on anyone's radar, so I wouldn't. I didn't even think about that. Although I do. As I said, I am. You know. Least you think I'm not a narcissist. I listen when I listen to the radio and I hear them doing celebrity birthdays, I always hope they shout my name out, even if it's nowhere near my birthday. That's a sign of a narcissistic disorder, by the way. Or just being stupid, but either way.

[Adam Carolla]

Or can it be both?

[Brian Bishop]

I did not punch on that going oh, the Hammer. No, this was. Infuriated me, that movie with Cameron Diaz. The Sweetest thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Was on there. And it's like that movie was such a piece of shit. Fucking stem to stern, like to nuts.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't. Is there a ghost in there?

[Adam Carolla]

Christina Applegate. No, it's her and Christina Applegate. And it's just. It's kind of a girl's piece of shit funny comedy. It's not good. It's really bad.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Fucking horrible garbage.

[Adam Carolla]

Thomas James in it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just. It's fucking horrible. And it's not. And then. And then you go, oh, this is on your list of movies that are underrated now your whole fucking list is fucked because it's a piece of shit anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what else is a piece of shit? Since we're talking about movies from a long time ago. If this was that. Alex and Emma.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, see that?

[Adam Carolla]

But a lot of people standing up for Alexander.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if anyone else saw it.

[Brian Bishop]

No. What is it?

[Allison Rosen]

Kate Hudson and Luke Wilson.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it was just bad. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I thought about the Hammer for this movie. Because the main problem with this movie, A Million Ways to Die in the west, is the plot. The plot's a mess. And when you don't have a strong plot, just at least a basic plot, not even a complicated one, it's hard to string together jokes because the jokes have to come out of nowhere instead of coming out of situations. And I thought about the Hammer because. I'm gonna pay a compliment, because the reason the Hammer worked so well, especially the jokes, was the plot was just sound. It was just a sound plot.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

There was no. It wasn't complicated. It didn't have to be. It was a. There was an obvious conflict. He had to get a certain thing and the jokes arose.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like you're undoing your compliment.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, that's exactly what needed. It needed a very straightforward plot to all the jokes.

[Brian Bishop]

Could I. I've said this many times. If you just take the jokes for.

[Adam Carolla]

Simpletons that are in your.

[Brian Bishop]

If you just take jokes that are in.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, yes, anyone could write a play. You could see where it's going a mile away.

[Brian Bishop]

But it didn't take anything away from this. If you take a look at jokes, just jokes that are in any Adam Sandler movie that you hate or that it's in any sitcom that you hate, some four camera piece of shit. The jokes themselves are just basically jokes. They're just written by guys who write jokes. For a living. And that's what they do. And yes, if you get the Farley brothers together, they're usually better than the aforementioned Adam Sandler group, but they're still just jokes. It's do you care? And most of these movies, I feel, make a mistake by going immediately for the joke. Never taking the time to sort of set things up and then have you invest and then you're just watching. I found myself watching shitty four camera sitcoms going, I could see that's a good joke. Like on paper, written down. It's a funny, funny joke. I'm just not laughing because I don't give a shit about any of these characters. Yeah, yeah, you're not into it. You're not following them, not believing. And the same thing with rom coms, just shitty JLo Rom coms. The jokes are all there. That's usually why they get made. Somebody reads a script and go, oh, there's jokes. You don't care about the people in it. You don't care what happens to them. And so it is nice if you're going. Even if you're going to do a comedy. Take a few minutes in Act 1, set it up, get you caring and then the jokes land a little better.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely. So this movie was kind of like Seth's turn when he hosted the Oscars. Not great. Not really. Was capable of, but nowhere near as bad as people are making it out to be.

[Brian Bishop]

I give it about a C. All right. Hooray for bounty war. Well, I'm gonna seat it in anyway just to support my buddy Seth. And also Seth Meyers is going to do the Emmys this year, by the way. So Gary told me. All right. Did you find that gone in 60 seconds thing that infuriated me? We'll have it in about five minutes at most. You guys be prepared for boredom. But anyone who is going to love this clip, I'm going to play them. Should also love man crate. Father's Day, it's coming. Man. Man crate's got you covered. Mancrates.com awesome gifts for guys packed in wooden crate, delivered with a crowbar so you can open it up or take it to the person if you're disappointed. I would use it to open the crate myself. All types of crates. They got the survival gear, grilling tools. They got the barware, exotic jerky. I love the sound of that. Give your dad a cool gift this year. And by the way, they can do dad's name laser etched into pint glasses and into coasters. Perfect personalized gift. Super Cool stuff. Not the stupid tie and the cologne and all the crap he's used to, but just custom stuff. Comes in the crate, comes with the flat bar. It's all good stuff. Mancrates.com Adam by the way, they're giving away a little Corolla swag for the first 50 buyers, so. Man crates.com Adam for the first 50. Father's Day. Get him something cool. Show them you care. All right, what shall we do? Bring our guests out. Yeah, take a break. Romany Malco Think Like a man. Latest movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Think Like a man too.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Think Like a man too. Sorry. Yeah, it's the T O O that screwed me up. Yeah, because the first one they already did. We'll take a quick break. We'll do that and I'll fine you this. 60. Gone in 60 seconds. Oh, did I watch the shit out of that Nick Cage. His very best. With his hair, always a weird color. You know what, Nick? Don't you feel like Nick needs a sane woman in his life to go like Peggy Sue? Yeah. From the movie. Like going where you're going. And he's going, I'm off to go film. Gone in 60 seconds. And you're like. With orange hair. And you're like, yep. No, it's weird looking. Don't do it. And by the way, your hair's weird enough now. You're drawing attention to it.

[Allison Rosen]

You're highlighting it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. This is a fat guy wearing a cut off T shirt. Don't do it. Get a fucking poncho or a windbreaker or something. Let's not draw attention to your weak spot here.

[Allison Rosen]

But also what that means is that the hair people on set must with the orange hair every day.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And then we're like, oh, that was good.

[Brian Bishop]

And also I would even argue that there's probably more people with black hair that steal cars. If you really think about it. Just do the math. If you really think about it, there probably is. I'm saying, look, I'm Italian, I'm swarthy. I'm just saying if you don't need it for the role is what I'm saying. It's not like going, oh, no one's gonna buy that guy with the dark hair stealing the car.

[Allison Rosen]

I actually think that the first thing you should do if you're gonna steal a car is get rid of your bright hair. You wanna blend in.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't wanna be seen at night.

[Allison Rosen]

Ferrari, red or black. That's it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. All right, we'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Ah, Romney Malco in studio. Ah, there he is. All right, you're good, Jeff. Thank you. Think like a man. Two, which is two, but it's a T O O 2 Romani. Good to meet you. Good to see you.

[Romany Malco]

Hey, good to meet you too, man. I've been a fan for a minute, at least since Loveline.

[Brian Bishop]

I. I first met you, at least in my mind, watching 40 Year Old Virgin and absolutely funny movie and you were great and that and then Weeds and a whole bunch of other stuff. And so I'm just reading the bottom here, but you met John Leguizamo and he. You're originally into music. Is that true?

[Romany Malco]

Yeah, I was doing music for a while. That got old, you know, and I started an Internet business in like 97. And it was the first time I'd actually made real money. And I honestly thought I was never going to do entertainment again. And then out of the blue, you know who George Stephanopoulos was? He was. Okay, well, George Stephanopoulos is a brother. Andrew Stephanopoulos introduced me to John Leguizamo because John Leguizamo liked some stuff that I had done for Paul Abdul, you know, back before Christ. And he asked me if I could help him do that for his movie the Pest, which was basically, he wanted to rap in the past and he wanted to rap like that animated cat.

[Brian Bishop]

You're Scat Cat or whatever that cat's name was.

[Romany Malco]

No, I wrote the things that came out of that cat's mouth. I did not perform them. There's this guy, he's a personality in Minneapolis. His name is Derek Delight.

[Brian Bishop]

Uh huh. It's almost like I can hear it now. So you wrote the lyrics for the cat?

[Romany Malco]

I always wrote.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Romany Malco]

He had. The cat had like an entire album. I wrote the entire album for the cat. Yeah. And so Paul Abdul goes around and tells people that it was me as the cat. And I asked, I ran into in Vegas.

[Brian Bishop]

The cat had a whole album.

[Romany Malco]

The cat had an entire album.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you know that also?

[Allison Rosen]

I did not know that.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't remember your box or mine from 1991? I know.

[Allison Rosen]

Go get it. Is it on itunes?

[Romany Malco]

You know what? It might be. And Hanna Barbera was trying to buy the cat the whole deal. I'm not even kidding.

[Allison Rosen]

What was the cat's name?

[Romany Malco]

It was MC Scat Cat.

[Brian Bishop]

It. You know, but then it's like, stupid.

[Romany Malco]

No, it had like a whole thing where it got drunk. Remember? It was like it got a dui. And then from There it was all downhill.

[Brian Bishop]

So wait a minute. It made some gay slurs, remember? And then it got all over tmz.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know if it would ever have a career.

[Romany Malco]

Then it found Jesus.

[Brian Bishop]

Found Jesus in prison. I mean, at the pound.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Prison for cat.

[Romany Malco]

Feel like you're talking about my friends now.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's just stop. So now. Now, that was 88 or 7.

[Romany Malco]

No, that was. That was. The cat itself was like. I remember signing to virgin records in 89, 90. So, yeah, the cat was in that era. Like, 90, 91. Somewhere in there. 89, 91. Yeah. When you're right, you're right. It was. Yeah, yeah. No, you're right.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember where I was. I remember being in Chatsworth in a guy's house that I was building, and that, like, came on the TV set, and I just remember thinking, God, I'm miserable. She's dancing with a cat.

[Romany Malco]

You know, I. Back. Honestly, all joking aside, initially, I was like, you know what? Anything not to. Not to pair. I was like, anything not to pair Paul Abdul up with a brother. But then I got to know Paul Abdul, and that was clearly not the case. But, you know, I guess she had, like, a huge following of kids, you know, And I guess that was a way of kind of like, well, all.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, so music is your. Your background, but how. Then you meet Legizamo.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And then you're doing the Scat Cat with Paul Abdul. And then how's that lead to acting?

[Romany Malco]

John Leguizamo goes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yo.

[Romany Malco]

He goes. He was married to a woman named Yelba at the time. And they'd be like, you know, rom, we. We hang out with comedians, and you're, like, really funny, you know, Would you be interested in auditioning for my movie? So I said, I ain't got shit to lose. Why not? So I auditioned for this movie he was doing called the Pest. He couldn't be there because he was off filming Romeo and Juliet. But the director and the casting agent, Wendy Kurtzman, they called me back, like, six times, and I ended up not getting the job. Just basically lack of experience. But Wendy Kurtzman then went and told. So, like, so I didn't get the job. I went back to my Internet business. I was fine, was traveling with my girlfriend, wasn't really tripping. And then out of the blue, a year goes by, and you get a.

[Brian Bishop]

Call from Spuds Mackenzie.

[Romany Malco]

I shit you not.

[Brian Bishop]

He wants a song.

[Romany Malco]

I get a phone call. I'm not. I get. Well, I get a bunch of phone calls and A bunch of faxes from all these different casting agents. And what was going on was that Wendy Kurtzman had told pretty much every casting agent in Hollywood that I was her favorite audition of all time. And it was now pilot season.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Romany Malco]

I didn't know what pilot season was. I can't sit here and say that my business was 100% right. I didn't know if it was the IRS or what. And my girlfriend at the time is taking in these faxes, giving people my fax number. And I was paranoid as shit. I was like, what the fuck are you doing?

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Romany Malco]

What the fuck are you telling people my information? Who the fuck are these people? I didn't know what pilot season was, you know? So once I figured it out, then I went out and I ended up testing for a couple pilots, signed with an agent, and then I just started acting from there was 40 year old.

[Brian Bishop]

Virgin sort of the first big. I mean, I know you did stuff before that, but was that the first big one?

[Romany Malco]

My first big role was 40 year old virgin. That's 40 year old virgin. Before 40 year old virgin, my name was Romney Malaco. And after 40 year old virgin, I was the black guy from 40 year old virgin.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how I know you.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And what. How much of that. Like, when you guys were hanging out playing poker and stuff after hours and all that, how much of that was scripted? How much of that was you guys just doing what you did?

[Romany Malco]

Oh, that's a good question. Let me see. There was a pretty solid script there, and we just always got the bass. And then every single take, people just improvised. At least with the guys, I never really got to work with. I never really got to work much with Katherine and Steve when they were doing their scenes, obviously. But at least with the guys, Judd, it was like, mandatory. Every single day, I would show up to set. Judd would go, seth is on fire. I hope you bought your A game. That's all he's saying. He'd walk away. So I knew what that meant was every single scene we're improvising and we did, and. And then they would choose between what was solid and what was not. So when it really balanced out, I would say that there was a good. I'd have to say 45%, maybe 50% of that was, like, improvised.

[Brian Bishop]

I was trying to do the math on Seth Rogen's age when he shot that movie.

[Romany Malco]

23.

[Adam Carolla]

He's much older.

[Brian Bishop]

He looked like an older dude. He had the tattoos and the goatee and all that kind of Stuff. But then he's so young.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah. And. And. And by then, he's 23. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Romany Malco]

No, he's 23. Dudes. That's. That's my favorite Seth Rogen line.

[Adam Carolla]

I know all that.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, that's my favorite Seth Rogen line of that whole damn movie. Because the way he set it up. The way that he set it up was like, stop texting my friends. Stop stalking him. Stop calling him.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Mindy Kaling.

[Romany Malco]

Exactly. Mindy.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know all that. That's a good movie to watch now because there's so many people of Mindy Kaling's stature that are little parts in the movie. Like, Jonah Hill's in there.

[Romany Malco]

Jonah Hill is.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. He's buying disco shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

He's trying to sell disco shoes. No, he's trying to buy your.

[Romany Malco]

Trying to buy them from the ebay place. But I was telling you something about Seth. Like, dude was like. By that time, he'd been. He'd become a black belt. He was already a black belt in, like, Taekwondo or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, I don't know. But I feel like the guy was these. These guys, they piss me off. Like, when you talk to them and they're going, well, we were producing plays and doing stand up when we were junior high, and then by the time I was 19, I got burnt out.

[Allison Rosen]

Retired.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I retired from doing stand up, but I was doing a lot of one man plays and things. Like what? I was. I was. I was gonna be a pirate astronaut when I was 19. Like, I was trying. I was getting high and sitting around with my stupid fucking friends. Like, where did you get this so early and so often?

[Romany Malco]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's a Canadian thing with him or something.

[Romany Malco]

You know, it's like, really? He comes from a really tight unit family, and he just kind of always knew what he wanted to do and hate those people. But I give Judd props because Judd bought that kid out here, like, 15.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I ask you this?

[Romany Malco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Who do you hate more? The people that always knew what they wanted to do or. I'll give you three choices. They always knew what they wanted to do. They have a number two, personal relationship with. Jesus Christ. That's personal. Just those two, and then no room for you. And then third wife is their best friend. Who do you hate the most? Ah. Now, keep in mind, the guy says his wife is his best friend is only saying it to piss you off. Nobody wants your.

[Romany Malco]

That would be the motherfucker I'd run over.

[Brian Bishop]

No one Begs their best friend for a blowjob. I've done the math on that.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah. You know, there's a naivete to that. Don't get it twisted. I can understand someone. Look. And correct me if I'm wrong.

[Allison Rosen]

Look, because I'm female. He's looking at me, addressing it to me.

[Romany Malco]

No, no, I'm not addressing it to you. Here's what I'm gonna say is that. What I've noticed is, is that a lot of my friends who are married, like, on the male side, the guys take all the romance out of it, and it just boils down to a few things. And they're like, if the bases are covered here, I believe I found my wife. Where the women that I know who are married, there's a lot more romance and whatnot added to it. So sometimes when I hear a guy say, my wife is my best friend, you know, he becomes suspect and, you know, his relationship becomes suspect.

[Brian Bishop]

Would you want that? Would you want your husband to look at you as his best friend? Kind of weird, right? No.

[Allison Rosen]

She's gonna say, yeah, let's see. I mean, I get what you're saying, but I would like to be in the top five.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah, I can get that.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess I could. I could make room.

[Allison Rosen]

How do you think it should work? Like, here's this person. We get along well and we like to have sex, and we want the same things for our kids. Like, what should the relationship be?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, again, best friend is for talking shit about your wife, too. And then again, you'd never beg your best friend for a blowjob. Like I said, it's almost mathematically impossible for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Could you put your best friend hat on? I want to talk some shit about you, my wife.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we have. And by the way, Think like A Man 2 in theaters June 20. Kevin Hart, who's just absolutely on fire. God damn.

[Romany Malco]

It is seriously bizarre, isn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

It's.

[Romany Malco]

It's a takeover. It's a legitimate. It's like all the people in Hollywood, all the studios in Hollywood that told them, you know, you. You're not going to have a shot. You're not going to be a movie star. Stick to your comedy and all of that. He has decided to literally sodomize every last one of them in front of their families.

[Brian Bishop]

No, literally. Literally in front of their families. Literally sodomizing.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the secret Hollywood success.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Sometimes people won't tell you. They tell you it's hard work. It's not.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Half of Hollywood is Cool with it, by the way, the other half is freaked out as hell.

[Romany Malco]

No shit.

[Brian Bishop]

He's literally. Literally. I literally jumped out of my skin when I heard about him sodomizing half of Hollywood. Literally, literally, in front of their families.

[Romany Malco]

Look. Notice, I just froze up. How did this turn into this?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

It always does.

[Brian Bishop]

It always does.

[Romany Malco]

No, but he's killing it, dude. I'm telling you. Like. And what's really great is, you know, he's doing a lot of things independently, so now he's financing them himself. He's raising private money, so he's going around the studios and making direct deals like he did with his movie. And there's all. Now he gets the lion's share. Cause normally, you know, a distributor takes, what, 75%, and then the remaining 25% is split up between the talent and the investors.

[Brian Bishop]

Or you just never see it. I mean, you just never. You just never see it. Take it from a guy who made an independent movie. You just never see it. No, he's doing his own thing. He's like a black ice cube.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean. Yes.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah. Like a black ice cube. You know what? That's good.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a slightly blacker ice cube. That's the way I look at Kevin Hart taking the world.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a short guy, right?

[Romany Malco]

You know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Romany Malco]

I mean, I don't know how far Kevin is. Kevin might be, like, five, six.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

Not as. Not as short as his comedy would suggest.

[Romany Malco]

No. You know, but. But he definitely knows how to play it up. And, you know, and I mean, for me. For me, the last thing you want to do is take a guy like Kevin Hart and crack a short joke. You know what I mean? I don't know why it just seems.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, done and done, because you're not going to be in any more Kevin Hart movies. God damn, sure. All right, now listen. I was watching because I'm a fan of the arts. I was watching Gone in 60 seconds over the weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

Masterpiece Theater.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. And it's a scene that's. What's that name of that actor?

[Adam Carolla]

Duvall.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's Duvall. And they have to do that scene. It's weird. There's a weird thing which is actors, comedians, writers, almost none of them know anything but that topic. I mean, they're not mechanical people at all. And they fuck things up all the time. They know a lot about sports, but they're not. They're not car guys. They're not here guys, given what they.

[Adam Carolla]

Are into, like Research. I can't imagine they wouldn't just ask somebody who knows.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, this is a scene that's always bothered me. Actually, it never bothered me. It was the other scene that bothered me. But I just caught this. And it's Duvall. He's sort of his old partner in crime. He's Nick Cage's old partner in crime. And he's gone straight. But I hope you're sitting down. He's gotta come back now for this last heist.

[Adam Carolla]

For several more heists or for one last heist?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, last heist.

[Adam Carolla]

Then we need him for several more. Like we need you for five, possibly 10.

[Romany Malco]

I don't know why.

[Brian Bishop]

Last heist. And guess what? He's gone straight and things are going pretty good for him. And guess what? His old lady's not excited that he's getting back into a life of crime. It's never been written before.

[Romany Malco]

That's pretty unique.

[Brian Bishop]

It's groundbreaking.

[Romany Malco]

Now, now. So that obviously was the twist.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, he's the mentor. He's the mentor. He used to play this old game with Nick Cage, obviously, where he hits a car. Engine sound. And he loves. He loves cars. He's a super gearhead. Duvall is. And then Nick Cage has to guess what. What the engine is.

[Allison Rosen]

It does sound like a fun game.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, now let's just listen to this for a second, you know. Come here.

[Chris Law]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

The Ferrari 365 GTV4. Daytona Le Mans, 1971. Vodkam. That's a V12. V12. Right, right, right, right. Here it peaks, 5500 RPM. What do you know about Raymond Kalitri? Now listen, you can stop. He said five cams.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he did.

[Brian Bishop]

Five cams. All right, let me explain something. There is never. You look it up, Gary. There's never been a car made with five cams. Does not exist. Mathematically impossible. There's one cam, there's two cams, and there's four cams. By the way, it's called a Ferrari Daytona 365. Four. It's a four cam car. It's two on each bank. You guys. Did he say quad? Oh, shit. Do I have. Do I have cam juice on my face? He said quad cam.

[Allison Rosen]

We're gonna have to hear it again.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, now, if you say quad, great story. Ferrari365 GTV for Daytona Le Mans 1971. Podcam. Like I was saying, 5500.

[Allison Rosen]

Went back and re recorded this.

[Brian Bishop]

5500 RPM. Hold on one second. I'm not done complaining. All right, quad cam, that's four. Fine. I stand corrected.

[Romany Malco]

Clearly overdub. Clearly, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. Thank you. And by the way, that's the voice of DJ Scat Cat. So he knows dubbing.

[Allison Rosen]

Not true.

[Brian Bishop]

The point is this MC scat cat.

[Adam Carolla]

DJ dubbing MC just did the wrapping.

[Brian Bishop]

5500, obviously, per minute is not the peak on that. It's probably 82,8300, but they're about 3,000 rpm off. They're way off on that. Wow, that's good. Thank you. Thank you. That's an attack to all who know cars. But, yes, he said quad. He did not say five. Sounded like he said five can to me, but my ears are going fucking south. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

I will say it is weird that they chose the lower number when the higher one would sound more impressive. If the higher one's actually accurate, it happened.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh. Now. All right. Now you gotta find out.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I was not suggesting.

[Brian Bishop]

How dare you?

[Allison Rosen]

I wasn't suggesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Alice's idea was great.

[Allison Rosen]

I wasn't suggesting that it wasn't accurate. I'm just saying that's.

[Brian Bishop]

You show me a picture of a racing Ferrari Daytona from 1971. Show me a picture of a tachometer. Or you can figure it out.

[Adam Carolla]

This is how every episode goes.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say that that car, if you're racing it, you would shift it about 8200rpm. It could be 7900rpm, but if you shifted at 5500rpm, you'd get lapped in the first lap. You wouldn't go anywhere.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm saying. You think number sounds more impressive?

[Brian Bishop]

I agree. You think Duvall would know? And by the way, Cage, guessing it was a V12 is stupid because almost every Ferrari is a V12.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like I even kind of knew that. Like, all those race cars and all those high performance cars are pretty much V12s.

[Brian Bishop]

Every Ferrari from that. From that era, except for the Dino. Sorry.

[Romany Malco]

I got to tell you like this. It's one of the. It's one of my pet peeves in movies and television when someone rambles off stuff like, as if they really, really know it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Romany Malco]

You can kind of tell that there's a detachment there isn't. Like a true passionate.

[Adam Carolla]

They memorize the lines as opposed to.

[Romany Malco]

Know the information exactly. Or even experience it a little bit. You know what I mean? And so I'm not saying. Look, look, let me tell you Something right now Duvall's one of my favorites. For real. But at the same time I do understand, I do understand your beef with it.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm looking at attack right now in a Daytona and the red line's like 8,500 rpm, pissing me off. And that's not even a racing one. But that'd still be a little high for streetcar. But for a race. When you race a car, you gotta shift it at the very top when it's about to break, otherwise you won't go anywhere. But anyway, sorry, where were we? Romany?

[Romany Malco]

No, no, I'm just saying that, you know, as an actor, sometimes because of scheduling and everything else, you know what I mean? Things do get overlooked. Things get changed at the last minute and when they do, you have to trust in your writers, you have to trust in your editor to like actually catch those things. And unfortunately they just don't always get caught.

[Brian Bishop]

I've never met an editor that would know anything about when to shift a Daytona Ferrari.

[Allison Rosen]

But has there ever been a situation in real where someone questioned your ability and then you rattled off a bunch of stuff and then went sir. And then they took you seriously? Like I feel like in real life that's not how you prove that you're talented or skilled or qualified for the job. I doubt that's how you get onto a, you know, a force.

[Romany Malco]

But the way you do, the way you do it in real life, there's not enough time in a movie for that. You know what I mean? The way you do it in real life is that you go on three blind dates with some chick that you met on due date and then what happens is, is that every single time you go out you're talking about the same friggin thing and she's like wow, wow, you, you really know about cars. And this will be our last date.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, that's, that's what'll happen. By the way, if you want to find a cool picture, I don't know, I was just working on this Paul Newman racing doc. He drove a Daytona Ferrari at Daytona.

[Adam Carolla]

Will that be at the dock?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's a couple pictures of him. That's how he got into racing at LeMans, which is what Duvall was talking about. But we say Le Mans out here.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask Romney a question about his career?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

One thing I hope the answer is no. But one thing I loved about 40 year old version in retrospect is that there's never seems to be any talk of a sequel. Has there ever Been any talk of a sequel because it's such a perfect standalone project. It just, it exists in that perfect standalone movie, in my opinion.

[Romany Malco]

I completely agree. And you know, I actually got a little upset, you know, once Steve Carell had gotten really in shape, like literally after that movie, he, you know, decided that we gonna make the 40 year old vegan. Judd wouldn't sign on.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably good, actually.

[Romany Malco]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[Brian Bishop]

There's nothing, it seems like there's nothing that made money that somebody doesn't go back and look at and go, why don't we just make another one? Because the name is now worth something. Like everything is. I mean, we've all sort of. I mean, I sort of blame the Kardashians, I really do, because I feel like they don't do anything except for people recognize the Kardashians and then they.

[Adam Carolla]

Spin off as a result.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you can give. Whoever the least famous Kardashian is, is going to charge at least 25k to come to your club in Reno and spin a few records. Like it doesn't matter. It's just. It's literally just a name that we know of. And it's weird, but I guess it's why you go, well, we're looking at Ferrari now and we're looking at a picture of Paul Newman driving a Daytona Ferrari at Daytona. But, you know, Ferrari goes, fuck it. We'll make luggage and we'll make sunglasses and we'll make jackets because we're Ferrari and people know what Ferrari is and we'll just put our name on it. But you end up. You end up with Land of the Lost with Will Ferrell and fucking Land of Lost, which is, I recognize Land of Lost. It was a piece of shit from my childhood that really like being brutally raped by an uncle. I wish I'd never had that thought, would never cross my mind again.

[Romany Malco]

And yet they come back, is his uncle in jail?

[Brian Bishop]

He's in with Scat Cat.

[Romany Malco]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, Ted 2's coming out.

[Romany Malco]

No, I get what you're saying. Didn't mean to cut off your rant. I'm just saying. And you know, there's this weird things, like the serious comprehensive, like, first of all, Judd makes movies that are kind of like an ode to an era that I grew up in where there was a lot of artistic integrity as well as, you know, just there wasn't this hard, cut, defined definition of what is comedy and what is drama. It was all kind of meshed together, you know. And, you know, today when we make movies, I feel as though we have to make. Look, 90% of the money that you raised to make a movie in a studio was raised from is made overseas anyway. As a result of that, when we make the movie, we're catering to, you know, a non English speaking audience. And because of that, movies are more, you know, you want to make more picturesque movies. You want to make movies that actually they can understand. Believe it or not, a lot of like witty smart comedies that are made here that are like, you know, how America's kind of synonymous. Like to me, look, eat me up for saying this, but that clever Woody Allen style comedy, you know, that banter, that's what made American comedy slick, you know, and unfortunately it doesn't translate the same way overseas.

[Brian Bishop]

No, listen, when you go to box Office Mojo and you see some movie like Captain America and you go, well, it made $600 million domestically, but it made 825 in the foreign market, you go, if you're making movies, you go, huh, I can make twice as much as what I made here, maybe, and then some. If I make something about Captain so and so or something big and broad versus some small timer, you know, conversational, you know, smaller feeling, you know, Manhattan, whatever, whatever. Wood Allen movie, Broadway. Danny Rose, no translation. In Europe and in Asia and all these other, other markets where they have this crazy thirst for this American culture.

[Adam Carolla]

It's, it's a lot of it. I think it's based on wordplay, idioms, cultural references, things that just wouldn't translate. You know, they, people in other cultures have their versions of, you know, Woody Allen movies or, you know, romantic comedies or whatever, but those, those idioms don't translate.

[Romany Malco]

But I think that that's back to what you were saying about everything now basically is to service. Okay, we've got a certain amount of followers and you know, that model consistently supports that idea that it doesn't. Integrity is not really what matters here. There's a huge audience of people that are completely willing to dole out some cash to go see Captain America. 17.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I mean, you think about National Lampoon. I mean, National Lampoon hasn't made a good movie in 30 years, probably, but they just put National Lampoon and they attach it to some piece of shit and then it comes out and then it does well enough.

[Allison Rosen]

They'll never recapture the glory of your.

[Romany Malco]

Christmas Vacation was a classic, but it.

[Brian Bishop]

Still could have been 25 years ago. Now, I agree with you. You want to feel old, but we're getting old. All right? Let's do. Let me give a little love to LegalZoom. And then you cue up some news, shall you? LegalZoom, baby. America innovators. Dreamers like Thomas Edison, Henry Ford. Today we got entrepreneurs all around us. It could be you. This month, LegalZoom celebrates innovation by helping you launch your dream. You can apply for patents, secure your innovation, register your trademark to protect your products, services, incorporate or form an LLC. Launch your business. Just visit legalzoom.com you'll get personalized attention. They'll take care of all the details. They've helped over a million businesses get started and get started right. And they've received an A from the Better business bureau. Their LegalZoom Dawson. Celebrate innovation with LegalZoom today. And get a special price on trademark copyright of provisional patent applications by using the referral code Adam at checkout. LegalZoom provides legal help through independent attorneys and self help. But they're not a law firm. All righty, let's see. Let's do a little news, shall we? Allison Rosen. Yes, let's the news with Allison Rosen. She read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Ann B. Davis, who played Alice on the Brady Bunch, has died. She was 88. She hit her head or she fell in the bathroom early Sunday morning, hit her head and never recovered. And apparently she was a pretty healthy 88 year old.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I suggest this?

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Nerf makes a lot of stuff. Nerf. Gotta start making a toilet and a tub and a sink.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

First off, it'd be fun. Secondly, you know that football is pretty fucking durable. I mean, I'll throw it around with my kid and then I'll float in the swimming pool for like a week and I'll pop out again. I'll be fine. But everybody I know, once they, you know, everyone's got that story about grandma slipping in the. It's a weird. First off, who's designing these tubs?

[Allison Rosen]

The people who make those chairs that hook onto your stairs and take you up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. They're in with big chair. Big automatic on a rail chair. Yeah. Because the tub doesn't have an edge. It's just one.

[Allison Rosen]

It's an infinity edge.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a cyclorama of slippery. I fucking have trouble getting in and out of the shower without the whoops, shit kind of. Kind of move. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Don't even incorporate coconut oil into your beauty routine then, because that just makes.

[Brian Bishop]

The floor very slippery.

[Romany Malco]

Don't do it in the tub though. Don't put it on in the tub then. It's just like a sticky feeling under your foot all the time.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's dangerous slippery.

[Brian Bishop]

The point is they need. They need in tubs. They need to start incorporating at least old person tubs or something. Cause people are fucking. They need rails in the tub kicked out of them.

[Romany Malco]

But you know what though? It's also pride. I'm just telling you right now. Like, you know, my mom's got a lot of friends who are, you know, who are up there in age, late 70s, 80s, and they just don't want to admit to being old. They go out of their way to avoid all the assistance and aid that they need. So sometimes it's just pride.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm just saying. I would love to shit into a Nerf toilet. I'd like to lean back into a Nerf toilet. I like the idea of that bright orange one or maybe one that'd been, I don't know, autographed by John Elway or something like that, you know. But just the notion of a Nerf bathroom would feel good. I could also.

[Allison Rosen]

Too far back. Would it crumple or would it just give a little?

[Brian Bishop]

It just give a little. In my world, I'd work it out.

[Romany Malco]

Get your self sanitizing Nerf toilet designed by Corolla and friends today.

[Brian Bishop]

Also, I just, I feel like once you get to like 76 years of age when you go into the bathroom, you need to like sort of just hook up to a mountain climbers like harness and just snap into a rope. You know, be good for getting off the toilet, getting in and out of the tub, but just have that safety rope on you all the time.

[Allison Rosen]

I like that idea. I like that too early in the morning before you're fully awake.

[Romany Malco]

I'm not taking a shower in a harness. Hell no.

[Allison Rosen]

You say that now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we just lost the national treasure because she did not implement my harness.

[Allison Rosen]

Now here's a funny thing. When I mentioned to Kaylin Young, Kaylyn that Ann B. Davis died, he said, oh, I think my mom went, sorry, excuse me. I think my dad went on a date with her. And I said, his father, Michael being the actor, and I said, are you sure? He's like, oh, yeah, everyone.

[Brian Bishop]

There's multiple things wrong with that story.

[Allison Rosen]

But God, everyone in the family knows he went on a date with. And I said, Alice, the housekeeper. Are you sure? I think she was a lesbian. He's like, let me call my dad and check. Turns out it was Jan. Let me call my dad.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Turns out it was Jan. It was Jan Brady. Yeah. Eve Plumb is her name. Mm. I know her as the bitterest Brady.

[Allison Rosen]

She didn't want to be a middle child. Now, did your dad laugh when you asked if it was Alice?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And actually his brother was sitting next.

[Jerry Ferrara]

To him and he was saying Eve.

[Brian Bishop]

Plum to me on the phone, and his brother was going, oh, yeah. Eve Plum, Brady Bunch. I took a Groundlings class with her a million years ago.

[Allison Rosen]

What was she like?

[Brian Bishop]

He said, kind of mean. I found her to be a little bit mean.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I thought that was a joke based on the Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. But she really became that.

[Romany Malco]

I didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

She was not a jovial person.

[Allison Rosen]

Jan wasn't jovial.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, first off, not worthy of Michael.

[Adam Carolla]

Bean is what you're saying.

[Brian Bishop]

Everybody. That's right. Exactly. Every. I feel like almost everybody in that show sort of. I mean, sort of was who they were. Except for the dad, but you know what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Except for Mike, also possibly. Except for Alice.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Although now Alice was. She was kind of a prototype lesbian before. I know that.

[Allison Rosen]

Other Sam the Butcher.

[Brian Bishop]

But what I'm saying is, you look at the way she. You know.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you're right.

[Brian Bishop]

She was. She was a lesbian before we knew what lesbians were, is what I'm saying. Anyway, she'll be missed. Obviously, your dad's in mourning right now because of his loss. Last I checked for Jan Brady, I think she married a magician. But it seems like maybe they got divorced, something like that. That's all I remember. All I remember is this. We're in the same Groundlings class together. I went to her house once, maybe a couple times, and she lived in the Valley and Mark DeCarlo showed up and it was right in the middle of the Studs mania. Remember how popular the show?

[Allison Rosen]

Same show host, Mark DeCarlo. Yes, from Studs.

[Brian Bishop]

And I remember just sitting there as a like 26 year old version of myself going, God, if I could just trade places with that guy. I could just trade places with DeCarlo. If I could just trade places with him. And the thing that was weird, as far as history goes, five years later, maybe it was four and a half years later. I. Maybe it was six years later. I can't remember. It was like my Advanced Groundlings class. Or maybe it was my writing lab. I can't quite. I think it was the advanced class that Eve Plumb was in on. And everyone got along pretty good, and everyone was friendly, and we'd go to each other's houses and work on our skits and stuff. And she wasn't mean or anything, but she wasn't. She didn't strike me as a jovial person. She was, like, a serious person. And what happened was, is I met Mark DeCarlo in her backyard at a barbecue. And I remember going, goddamn, this guy's got the world by the fucking tail. And then five years later, when I was auditioning for Loveline, I said to him, I was in New York just with Jimmy, long story, for some radio thing. And they said, come back and audition for Loveline. Like, we're starting Monday, and it's Thursday, and you need to come back now. And Aud, I didn't want to come back. And I said, why don't you get Mark DeCarlo to do it? And they, like, started laughing and went, like, seriously, get back here and do it. And I said, fine. And I came back, and I went in, and me and Dr. Drew just auditioned on a soundstage, just like a folding table with a phone that wasn't hooked up to anything. And, like, producers asking questions, like, five feet away, and we're talking into the phone, you know, into the speaker that wasn't hooked up to anything. And. And it was a soundstage. It was on Hollywood Center Studios, and there's no windows. You've been on those things. They're completely black inside. It doesn't matter if it's the sun's high noon. It is completely black inside. And I was walking out. My audition went well. I opened the door, and as I was pushing the door open, it flung open itself, like somebody was pulling it on the other side. And it was this shaft of light. I had to adjust it. And I ran into Mark DeCarlo, who they did call to come audition. Unclear whether it was because I reminded them to get Mark DeCarlo or not. But sure enough, Drew did one of those. They did one of those. Drew, you hang behind. We got to talk to you. For Adam, Fantastic job. Fantastic job. We'll be calling you real soon. Fantastic. And then Mark DeCarlo came in and did the exact same thing I did.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Although that might as well.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's right. Speaking of game shows, last night, flipping around landed on a little show called Sing youg Face off, where celebrities perform as other celebrities. Like Guy from Crap, he's been in here. Sebastian Bach performed as Adam Levine. Yeah. Anyway, though, that's Just a sample. Lisa Rinna performed as Dolly Parton. The celebrity judges, Daryl Hammond, Deborah Gibson and David Alan Grier.

[Brian Bishop]

Dag.

[Allison Rosen]

He was a guest judge on it. He's not on every episode. But my thought was, we just saw him. Why did he not mention this fine piece of work?

[Brian Bishop]

He placed things close to the vest, things that involve judging with Daryl Hammond.

[Romany Malco]

He probably didn't know he was going to be on.

[Brian Bishop]

He may not have.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I felt betrayed that I had to find out from my DVR's description.

[Brian Bishop]

Daryl Hammond. One day we will get him in here, and one day he will tell you the story about working on a Disney cruise ship and going to some island and getting busted for drugs and being put away in some prison and the cruise ship leaving without him. And it is the most bizarre, scariest and serious story you've ever heard a comedian ever tell. And it's not just, there's no jokes in it. It's just he was.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how he was.

[Romany Malco]

He has got the shot. He's got to find the funny angle on that story. That right there, that's a movie.

[Brian Bishop]

He is an interesting, semi troubled, super talented dude. But the story of him doing the Disney cruise and being locked away on some, you know, one of those islands where the laws kind of, you know, pay us whatever cash you have, but if you do actually make it into prison, you are fucking over there. Yeah, I think his dad had to come get him or something. Something like that. Anyway, his dad flew down.

[Romany Malco]

Wait, so he went to prison or jail?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they just have a place where the ceiling's too low and you've got to stay there until somebody with a wallet shows up. You know, we make fun of all these fucking backward countries and their systems, but I wouldn't mind a system where if I got busted for something pretty serious, all I'd have to do is get Kimmel to get, like, $5,000 to come down and go get me, and then that'd be it.

[Romany Malco]

You know what.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I'm saying? Like, it wouldn't be. As a matter of fact, I would take the $5,000 and I'd just give it to whoever and I'd go, look, if I ever get busted for vehicular manslaughter or packing, you know, a kilo of heroin or, you know, I run over an old woman or something like, here's five grand in an envelope. Just come that. And by the way, that'll be that. Well, we're not making court dates and shit like that. We're just. His dad just came and got him.

[Allison Rosen]

We should all just post bail in.

[Brian Bishop]

Advance in these other countries. I think that's PayPal. That would work. Yeah. Mm.

[Romany Malco]

Texas, Florida. I'm telling you, through the south, man. You know, I get tickets, like, flying through there because I drive cross country, and, you know, my business manager will call them and be like, okay, what's the damage? And they'll make a deal and straight up, we'll just.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Romany Malco]

Did I just incriminate myself?

[Adam Carolla]

Why do you drive cross country?

[Romany Malco]

Cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel. Can you.

[Brian Bishop]

Huh?

[Romany Malco]

What do I drive across? I have a giant dog. I have. Like, when you talk about putting the dogs under the. I do it as little as possible. And I have family in Florida, so sometimes I'll drive from here to Florida with the dog in the car. American bulldog. Looks like Petey from Little Rascals, but full grown.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's heavy.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, man, it's 90, like £95. Yeah, yeah, it looks like a giant pit bull, but it's not. It's like, really?

[Brian Bishop]

He must love hanging his head out the window for 27 hours straight, right?

[Romany Malco]

Oh, she does. And I take pictures of, like, the lips just up like.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a sail.

[Romany Malco]

It was like she ate Batman.

[Brian Bishop]

It's hurting your mileage, right?

[Romany Malco]

She's got a pigeon in her mouth because it's like the wings out here. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty fly.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Gotta be a lot of slobber on the door.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah, it is. And you know, that's other things when you get the car detailed. Like, half of the spit is on the back inside, back dashboard. And now that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it blows. I can't avoid that, by the way. I can't spit out the fucking window without half of it hitting me in the face or going right to the back seat.

[Romany Malco]

Well, I don't think the Jag was designed that way.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's probably not supposed to dip. All right, where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of money to make things go away, a video has surfaced of Justin Bieber telling a racist joke. Apparently, he was 15 in the video. It was filmed for the 2011 Bieber biopic. Or as a friend of mine says, biopic. Never say never. And his team apparently knew of the clip's existence and offered a payout to keep it from leaking. Anyway, here's the clip.

[Brian Bishop]

How come everything. Nothing ever. Oh, wait a minute. I guess we don't know, right?

[Allison Rosen]

We don't know when it's leak, what doesn't leak. It does seem like eventually it comes. Oh, how we're looking at a picture.

[Brian Bishop]

I found a picture of your own new dog. Yeah, I guess it's like when people go, I got great gaydar. I can always tell when people are gay. And it's like when people go, I can always tell when a guy's wearing a toupee. And it's like, you can always tell the ones you can tell, but you don't know the ones you can't tell.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm beginning to think that's how I am with perceiving plastic surgery, because I feel like I can always tell, but maybe I'm only able to tell the bad plastic surgery.

[Romany Malco]

No, I could definitely tell that Adam's gotten some work.

[Brian Bishop]

I had vaginal rejuvenation. You could feel that.

[Romany Malco]

You got your hymen. You got your hymen revolution. Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Reconstitute.

[Romany Malco]

That's how you do. That's what Jesus says.

[Allison Rosen]

From where?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they use pimento. Love seems weird, but it's the most effective and durable. It is. Lord. I know this. I'm not a vaginal scientist. I'm just. All right, so he's going to tell a racist joke. Okay, good.

[Allison Rosen]

Father's Day.

[Adam Carolla]

That's just me.

[Allison Rosen]

That's just straight A. Why do black people afraid of chainsaw us? Don't even say it. Don't say it.

[Brian Bishop]

Run. Nooganooga noogie. You can say motorcycle to the rang. Oh, man.

[Allison Rosen]

So you can hear someone say. Don't even say it.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Benny said it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's fucking Canadians, man.

[Romany Malco]

But wait a minute, though. I think we've kind of established a precedence here where it's, like, it's okay to say racist things about black people. You just. You can even say racist things about black presidents. You just can't say racist things about black athletes. That. That's what it seems like. That's how it's translating these days. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Romany Malco]

Is that what America's saying at the moment?

[Brian Bishop]

Feels like it. Okay, but we're into just busting everyone for everything all the time.

[Romany Malco]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I think that's where we're at.

[Romany Malco]

That's how I think it should be. I mean, I don't know if anyone's seen the COVID of the Atlantic. Anyone. Okay, I just won't go there.

[Allison Rosen]

We just look at tmz.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

No, we wanna.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, wait. Oh, wait. Reparations. Yes. That's. Somebody was just talking to me about that.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah, just. I don't know. Anyway, look, what do you think about reparations? What do I Think about reparations. I think that what was most important to me about the article was actually owning up to the act is what was most important. It's kind of like the problem with America as a whole is that we kind of. We're not looking for information, we're looking for affirmation. So we're never really addressing.

[Brian Bishop]

You say affirmation.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, nice.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you, man.

[Romany Malco]

No, we never really address the actual issue. And as a result of that, we keep playing this tendency, you know, just back and forth, back and forth between these two.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there is exactly.

[Romany Malco]

We're going back and forth between these, you know, these two parties. Like, we're living in a country where people still think that the White House is real. You know, that's. I mean, from where I stand, it's a pretty primitive perspective to have, you know, when it's clear that our true government is, you know, the titans of industry and corporations and even, like, activists have stepped up and learned the new game over the last, like, 10, 15 years. Activists don't even deal with government. They go right past government and straight to the corporations. And they know that if they hit you in your pocket, things change. So I'm gonna step back because I know we're talking about Justin Bieber and everything. I'm just saying that. I mean, there are all kinds of racial slurs going on towards the president. There's all kinds of racial slurs happening all day. And then all of a sudden, some guy says something about, you know, said some. Donald stolen. Said some shit about these athletes, and it's a big deal. And I'm like, what the fuck about. FOX ain't even covering that shit. I mean, I'm just asking, like, where's the programming coming from? I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

What did they pay? What did Bieber's people pay to keep that thing?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it doesn't say the amount.

[Romany Malco]

They didn't pay anything because how could it. Cause it's out.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they tried, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Clearly got it suppressed for a couple years.

[Allison Rosen]

Bieber's team allegedly knew of the clip's existence and offered a payout to keep it from leaking.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, but didn't. It didn't work.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, this was from 2011, so theoretically it did three years.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Credit to Bieber for a proper racial joke. Because I was expecting something very tame, and that was pretty offensive. Yeah, that was good.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, how does that work?

[Allison Rosen]

You feel like that's a proper racist joke?

[Adam Carolla]

What I mean is, I'm expecting the.

[Brian Bishop]

Story to be a. I feel like, you have to laugh. No, but I mean, I'm expecting the.

[Adam Carolla]

Story to sort of fall flat. Like, you know, that was nothing, but that was actually pretty offensive.

[Romany Malco]

You know, though, you hear when you hear an old joke and it's not funny, you know, a few years later. But I don't know, I think that because who Justin Bieber has become, and there's. Unfortunately, there's a certain level of responsibility, you know, it's probably not going to work too good for him.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, considering he only has black friends, as far as I can tell, he's fucked. Because every time I see him, he's essentially immersed himself in the culture.

[Romany Malco]

I know it ruined his chance of buying the Clippers.

[Allison Rosen]

I think this idea that he's anything other than an asshole is silly.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, he seems like one of the douchiest kids on the planet and only based. I only base it on him chucking eggs at people's houses. But also the little indicators, like, like when somebody throws some sort of black tie event and then he shows up in a denim jacket with the sleeves cut off and a Laker jersey underneath it that's hanging down to his knees and it's like, hey, little douchey, put a fucking jacket on. That's what this is requiring. Like, everything seems to be a sort of fuck you to everyone all the time. Or look at me all the time to everyone.

[Romany Malco]

Like, the lady with the dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, F her, she should drive with you.

[Allison Rosen]

So, Romani, can I ask you a question?

[Romany Malco]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What? In your estimation, like, why do you think it is okay that there are so many horrible things said about the president? Because you're right, some of the shit I see on Facebook, well, it just.

[Romany Malco]

Makes me unfriend people, you know, again, it's like, you know, I shouldn't even brought it up because it's just an issue that you can't really address without initially, without first addressing the core of that issue. And honestly, we're not. We're not educated in a way that enables us to have deductive reasoning, to exercise deductive reasoning or, you know, we're just not. We're not. We're not. We're trained to memorize. You know what I mean? You're rewarded in school for memorization. So it's not that it's really and truly, it's never been okay to say fucked up shit about the President. Really and truly, it's probably never been okay to say fucked up shit about any president. But, you know, but you're saying that.

[Allison Rosen]

There'S any Outrage about it, the racial.

[Romany Malco]

Slurs for whatever reason. There's this. It's this thing where. Back to what you were saying, where I feel like if the media says it enough, you know, there's a conditioning that occurs over the. You know, the people completely accept it is like. I guess that's the norm. Which was why I had these mixed feelings about the Donald Sterling thing. Cause I was like, well, wait up, though. People have been saying shit like this about the President all year since he got in office. They've been saying the last two terms. So. Anyway, I don't know why. It's okay. I just think that there's, like, a numbing. I lived in Texas. Texas. And when I was a kid, I went to junior high and high school there. And I got called nigga so much by not just white people, but, you know, Mexicans. I got called nigga by Asians. I got called nigga by black people. I ain't gonna lie. There was, like, a numbing where it didn't really have the same effect that it might have had when I first moved there from.

[Allison Rosen]

From New York in a. In a friendly way, as if it's okay, or you were being called it in.

[Romany Malco]

I mean, like, run, nigger. We're gonna fuck you up, nigger.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Romany Malco]

Texas? Are you kidding me? Dude? Let me. Let me. Let me clarify. Let me go back. We're talking about the fucking South. You know what I mean? My brother's married to a Colombian woman, and there have been instances, straight up, they'll be walking down the street in Daytona Beach. They live in Florida. Same shit today when we're in New York.

[Adam Carolla]

She shouldn't do that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's true. You know, it is. It's weird because I'm from out here.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And even though I'm from North Hollywood, I talked to Mike August, who was from Louisiana, and he's like, oh, fuck. You don't know, man. And I'm like, what? I'm like, oh, it's totally different. Totally different. Yeah, that's where he grew up. But I grew up out here, and, you know, I grew up with sort of progressive hippies, so we grew up the other way.

[Romany Malco]

Well, you know, just going back to what you were saying. You were making a point earlier where you were saying that people all have this sense of entitlement. Like, you know, I want to fly with my dog, you know? You know, and I get that. But there's this weird thing where when I think of middle America, there are people who actually, when you come to The. Actually, even when I'm in Redondo beach, when you come to the four Way Stop, there are people who are like, you, go ahead. You know, that kind of thing. And I think that, you know, in these, you know, just. You get these city fucking slickers that come to those areas and they taint shit. You know what I mean? That's what really happens. It's that one asshole that breezes through the four Way Stop.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I say this? I would. Let me tell you what I would do if I was black.

[Romany Malco]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

You want. This would be helpful for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Write this down.

[Romany Malco]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me get.

[Romany Malco]

I got it. Go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

You ever travel through like Minnesota and you see like a homeless guy and you think, what the fuck are you doing in Minnesota? I mean, winter's gotta be. You're gonna die. You know what I mean? You're gonna be homeless. Move to San Francisco. It's a good place to be. Home, they like you better. There's parks you can hang out in. The weather's nice, you know, accepting. Yeah, I mean, move to a climate that's good. Not only from a temperature standpoint, but a political standpoint.

[Romany Malco]

I just wanna make sure before I get in your ass. You are saying that if you were black, you would. Would encourage homeless people to move.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a metaphor for black.

[Romany Malco]

Okay, what I'm saying is this what I thought.

[Brian Bishop]

Taking the spirit in which is intended. No, not all black people are homeless now.

[Romany Malco]

There are more white homeless people in this country. 78% of this country. 78% of the poverty in this country is Caucasian poverty. What the fuck are you talking about?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. Black people like their relatives more. Whitey's like, listen, you're on drugs, you're strung out, you're out of the house. Like, we don't need. I got 6,000 square feet. I don't give a fuck. You're out. White people throw their own people out. There's no family. Nobody lives with their parents. Their parents don't live with them. Their aunts and uncles and all. Nobody whitey. We don't roll that way.

[Romany Malco]

I tell you, a lot of the, like Caucasian or white. Look, a lot of the Caucasian homeless people that I've helped have families within a 20 mile radius. I shit you not.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, listen, I'm not kidding you when I say that. I said it to Michael Irvin the Playmaker once. I was explaining to him when I did Kimmel's show when he's telling us how much he loved his mama. I was explaining to Him. White guys don't really like their moms that much. Like Kimmel's not. You know, me and Kimmel, you know, a couple times a year, fine. But not full time. You know, not like I'm buying her a house or any of that. Listen, I made a lot of money doing comedy. I didn't buy my fucking mama house. No, we. You know what?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm the last one.

[Brian Bishop]

Elvis is the last white person. And he was so influenced by the black culture. You know, maybe that's what they're talking about more than just the blues, but buying houses and Cadillacs for friends and loved ones. See, Elvis was the last white guy to buy his mama a house. That's the way it goes. We're not. Look, I'll be honest here, Gary. Come on. Now, you love your mom, but three times a year, not buy her house and live with her, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's how we're. We're kind of done with our folks. Like, why do you. We're done with our parents by 19, if everyone just moves off, maybe it's going off to college or some shit like that. I don't know. But, like, we're kind of done. And the notion when you talk to most white folks about, like, having their parents move in with them or moving back in with their parents as an adult or even cousins, relatives, whatever, fuck that. And we got, like I said, we got a lot of square footage, lot of empty. A lot of big floor span and a lot of empty rooms. Nobody. That's why there's.

[Allison Rosen]

All the white homeless, apparently, would rather be homeless.

[Romany Malco]

You know what?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Romany Malco]

These days, I'm telling you now, there was a good old system in place. There was a good old system in place. And maybe once upon a time that was true. But these days, there are a lot more white people moving in with their families, and there are a lot more white people learning how to improvise and navigate their way through this economy than ever before.

[Brian Bishop]

We would do an exchange program where a non white family member moved into the house. I mean, there'd have to be a background check, but I would let someone else's mom move in with me.

[Romany Malco]

But it's true. Let's be real. Like, you know, the white man kind of destroys everything.

[Brian Bishop]

Allison, your mom can come kick it at my place.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll let her know.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. You get rid of.

[Romany Malco]

You get rid of white people. You know, they, you know, I mean, you know, they fuck shit up, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Let me get back to my black person point Here.

[Romany Malco]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah, they'll write this down.

[Brian Bishop]

Write this down.

[Romany Malco]

Saying that black is homeless.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's an analogy.

[Romany Malco]

Okay, okay, okay, whatever. That's not good enough either, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

I only give money to black homeless people. That's my reparations. I don't do it.

[Chris Law]

The.

[Brian Bishop]

In whitey, he don't get a penny out of me. He gets a job. But let me say this.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's grasp the rations right there.

[Brian Bishop]

If I was black, I would move to an area that was friendly. Like, I'd go to Santa Monica, because there's a lot of white guilt in places like Santa Monica.

[Romany Malco]

Right, right.

[Brian Bishop]

And then not only do you not get discriminated against, you get an extra bump because you got a bunch of white guilty people. Like, that's my family's. That way they have white guilt. And so when you get to the four way stop sign and they do it with the black guy, they go, oh, shit, go. Go ahead. Like, if you, like if you cut off, there's plenty of white people, but you're not gonna find them. Maybe in Texas, you might not find them in Louisiana, but you find them. You know, go to. Go to the west side, you'll find them. White guy cuts you off, you tell that guy to fuck off. Black guy cuts you off and you're like, cool with it because you feel like you've done enough damage.

[Romany Malco]

No, I get.

[Brian Bishop]

You see what I'm saying?

[Romany Malco]

I do get what you're saying.

[Brian Bishop]

So if you're black, go to one of those places, right?

[Romany Malco]

No, no, I understand that. But then where do you find. Do you find that pretty brown skinned sister with the, with the beautiful, you know. You know, with the beautiful Afro? I mean, I moved to Brooklyn. I moved to Brooklyn.

[Brian Bishop]

You got to get her in Texas, and then you two move to Santa Monica.

[Romany Malco]

Boom. And then.

[Brian Bishop]

But then she's away from her family with the dog.

[Romany Malco]

You see the complication? Now she's away from her family. And you know, black people love their families, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Bring the whole family out with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Carried away, Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

You got the whole family living with you.

[Romany Malco]

I moved to Brooklyn. I got tired of being a fucking minority and I moved to Brooklyn. And I really have to tell you that there's no place like it. I've lived in quite a few places, you know, across the world. And Brooklyn is just a very unique and specific type of, you know, environment where there's a tolerance that's very different. You know, actually Toronto's kind of got a vibe like that too, but just you know, not as.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, sell that to the Biebs. Nature box, baby. Ah, you want to snack smarter. You want to get in shape. The summer bikini season. I do a one piece, but you don't want that crap that comes out of the vending machine. Naturebox.com Great tasting snacks sent right to your door. They're good for you too. We get them over here and then Chris, Max, Pata devours all of them. It's all good. Barbecue, kettle, kernels, everything. Bagel sticks, South Pacific plantain chips. Over 100, by the way. More. They just keep coming. I don't know that there's anything that they've sent us that we've not only devour, but it has just been absolutely amazing tasting and all. Zero trans fats, no high fructose corn syrup, nothing artificial. Free shipping anywhere in the U.S. it's NatureBox. Let's try it right now. Get 50% off your first box. Go to naturebox.com Adam. That's naturebox. Naturebox.com Adam. Get your discount. Naturebox. All right, let's do one more.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, here's an uplifting one. I'm just kidding. It's not.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, shit.

[Allison Rosen]

So Richard Martinez, the father of Christopher Martinez, who was one of the boys killed by Elliot Rodger in the Isla Vista shooting. Yes, we heard a clip. He's been very outspoken about how we need to, you know, why has anything changed since Sandy Hook, et cetera. And he's been very, you know, understandably emotional. In the news, he stories were coming out saying that he wanted to meet with Peter Roger, the father of the shooter, because they were two men who had both lost sons. Let's sit down and talk. Apparently they actually did on Sunday. The meeting was private. No media or cameras were allowed, but they did sit down and meet.

[Brian Bishop]

Awkward. Yeah. Trying to think what you would have to pay me to be in on that. Like just to be sitting at that table? No, just me literally just sitting at that table trying to make small talk. She's kings all knotted up. Three to three.

[Adam Carolla]

Lucky this weather, huh?

[Brian Bishop]

God damn. How long did they talk for?

[Allison Rosen]

It doesn't. It doesn't say. I. I hope more information comes out about it. I mean, I wonder if he was meeting with him hoping to affect some kind of change or if it. He was looking for answers.

[Romany Malco]

Did they have security? Like, did they have like a. Cops, A few cops.

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, the looking for answers, like in these senseless, insane shootings or the somebody put you up for adoption or whatever it is when you're trying to go back then and figure out and look for answers. You ever find any answers? And if you do find any, are they ever satisfying? Like, do you ever walk away and go, now I've got my answers. I'm feeling whole again. Like, I just feel like. Like, you must grieve. But I don't know that you'll ever.

[Allison Rosen]

Get something as senseless as this. I don't think so.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you ever get an answer? And what if you did? Is there such an answer? You're like, oh, all right. Well, now I got a good head on this. It explains a lot. Like, it's gonna be someone saying, sorry, sorry, sorry, and then somebody telling them, I guess, about the son and what kind of guy was.

[Allison Rosen]

It's interesting to me that he wanted to sit down with him, because you could also imagine someone in his position hating the guy because this guy created the son that took away his son. I'm not saying he should feel that way, but you could imagine before Adam's made the.

[Adam Carolla]

Blame the parents.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously, there's people who are messed up.

[Brian Bishop]

Would you. Here's the thing. If you were the dad of the kid that went on the rampage, would you sit down with him? Would you have the. I don't know, intestinal fortitude or whatever?

[Romany Malco]

Wait, if you were the dad who went on the rampage, is what you're saying?

[Allison Rosen]

The son who went on the rampage.

[Romany Malco]

The dad of the son who went on rampage. You know, I don't really think it's about what the person says. It's really more about what you learn about that person.

[Brian Bishop]

But would you agree to it? I mean, that'd be a tough call.

[Romany Malco]

It'd be a tough call.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'd like to think, ultimately, I would.

[Romany Malco]

I'd agree to it. I'd agree to it if I thought I had a chance at killing him.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. You're the dad. Wow. No, you're the district of the kid with the.

[Romany Malco]

No, no. Oh, I see what you're saying. Oh, I'm not the dad of the kid who got killed. I'm the dad of the kid who did the killing.

[Adam Carolla]

Your son did the killings.

[Brian Bishop]

Your son did the killings.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, I see.

[Brian Bishop]

I see. And now this guy's reached out to you and he wants to meet you at a Starbucks.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah, well, again, it's. I think it.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a big giant chapter.

[Romany Malco]

I might do it, and I'll tell you why. And this is gonna sound really crazy, but I think it's not about what He. He says, it's about what you learn about this person. And then sometimes you go, like, you ever date a girl and be like, this is interesting. And then you meet her family. Like, oh, now we're white.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't meet family. We don't work that way. That's right.

[Romany Malco]

You guys are getting rid of white people.

[Brian Bishop]

My bad.

[Romany Malco]

My bad.

[Brian Bishop]

I've never seen my wife's dad before. We don't do that.

[Allison Rosen]

Sometimes after tragedies, you don't know what to do with yourself. And all of a sudden, it's like, you have all this time. So I could see that being an impetus to sit down with him just because it's like, what else is he gonna do right now?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, first off, you know, go see Seth MacFarlane. Oh, no, don't see that movie. The point is, what I'm saying is, is it's not about. It's not gonna be about boredom. It's gonna be about, like, do you have the fortitude? Like, when somebody. Like, my first impulse would be, I would love to tell that guy, like, here's the world's biggest fruit basket and a long apology letter. But I feel like your nerve endings are just wide open right now. Here's what I think I would say if I was the dad of the guy who went on the rampage, simply because I'd be like, oh, my God. Like, I would say, look, I don't think right now's the time. I think because you're just a wide open wound at this point. I mean, I'm not saying you're gonna throw your coffee in my face. I'm just saying. I don't know. Let's put it this way. If in six months from today you would like to have this meeting, I will be more than happy to honor you with this meeting. If you still feel this way. You might not six months from now. You know what I'm saying? You may have come to grips with this and realized, look, there's nothing or what have you. I would send a very polite letter that said, six months from today or three months from today, we shall sit down and talk about. But right now, it's like you're still. You just lost everything in your life. You're one big open wound.

[Romany Malco]

I'd be like, two years from now.

[Allison Rosen]

You'd look like an asshole if you did that, though. Your kid is also an asshole.

[Romany Malco]

Exactly. So who cares what you look like? That's the problem. Who gives a fuck what you look like? It's like all the. Ultimately, sometimes in the heat of the moment, there's really nothing to be done. And the more you try, the worse it gets.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. But also, honestly, what constructive. When the person was at this emotional point that this dad is at and this dad is at 10, emotionally, can you really have it? What kind of dialogue or what can we learn or what can he absorb? More importantly, when he's this. He's going off, he's like a guy who just got. You know, it's like he just got in a horrible car accident, stepped out of the car. Like, now's not the time. We gotta get you to, like, convalesce, lay down, absorb, relax, give it a few weeks or months, and then we can sit down and have this dialogue.

[Romany Malco]

This is so twisted where the father of the murderer is actually rash. I'm just listening to it from your perspective and, like, is actually rationalizing as to why it would be better for you to wait. You're not ready.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, no, It'd get thrown in his face, I'm sure.

[Allison Rosen]

But that's what I would do is probably, like, it's the least I can do. If that's what this guy really wants.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd be like, honey, this guy wants to talk to you. Oh, man. I really would. I'd just be like. I mean, there's a lot of things you don't look forward to doing. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. This would probably be up there.

[Brian Bishop]

That would be way the up there. All right, let's bring it up.

[Allison Rosen]

The news. I'm Allison Rosenz. Ibit Kant.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news. So how soon. Yeah, sorry.

[Romany Malco]

How soon after did they want to talk?

[Brian Bishop]

I think they talked. They talked already?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And so it's about a week after.

[Romany Malco]

Oh, God.

[Allison Rosen]

A couple more days than a week. Nine days.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I have what I call a cooling off period. If my son goes on a killing spray, how long does it last? Until I'm dead. And a week after I'm dead. But I really would, like, not want to sit down and talk to the folks that Sonny mowed over.

[Adam Carolla]

On your tombstone, your last words are, okay, can do.

[Chris Law]

Pull me.

[Brian Bishop]

Pull up a chair. That's what I'll say on my tombstone. Pull up a chair. Let's finally get to this. All right. We're going to go to Phoenix and do some shows at stand up live June 20th and 21st. They all sold out last time we went there, so you may want to get those tickets if you're thinking about it. Oh, yeah. Fun. I'm going to be Signing some Mangria bottles on June 21 at noon. A total wine out there in a Camelback Arizona location. So you can come out and say, hi, I'll sign yourself a little Mangria. Present me out as we speak. Allison Rosen and new best friend, Mike Catherwood. Psycho Mico is the guest.

[Allison Rosen]

I tell a story about you, by the way, about something that you might not know. You'll just have to listen to find out.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus. Now Intrigue Monday and Thursday new episodes allisonrosen.com Ramany Malco, everybody think like a man too.

[Romany Malco]

June 20 and guys, you know, you get on a podcast like this and you just, you know, you feel pressure and you want to act like you know everything. And I gotta be honest with you, I lied. There was just something that I didn't know know that I pretended to know about. And I just want to confess it. I honestly didn't know that Justin Bieber was white.

[Brian Bishop]

Whoa.

[Romany Malco]

Yeah, I don't really listen to like.

[Brian Bishop]

So you didn't know. And I did the whole five cam thing. So, you know, but it takes a big man to admit white. All right, so until next time, Adam Krola for Allison Rosen, Romney Malco and bald Brian saying mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't have a meow box.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, this is Adam Carlisle Show 1336. Coming up next, we have Adam Carla Show 1368 featuring Jerry Ferrara, David Wilde, Allison Rosen, Brian bishop, also from 2014.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day. Allison Rosen. Hello. Adam Carolla and Ball Bryan. Trial by ordeal.

[Adam Carolla]

I, Brandon Farris wanted that from last year. Danielle Balele I believe was the drop and we use hashtag Tony Top drop.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a very deep cut.

[Brian Bishop]

Play it again. Trial by ordeal.

[Adam Carolla]

Trial by ordeal.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Trial by ordeal.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a real. That's almost like an Aussie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's almost Aussie esque. Trial by ordeal. We will talk to David Wild and Jerry Ferrara is going to be in here. And I got a lot to complain about. First you guys tell me. I work with a guy, kid, young guy, sort of an annoying eater. You know, he just eats toast. Boom. And he doesn't put anything on it. He's like, he's one of those guys who trapped in the yummy phase. As I say, there are more and.

[Adam Carolla]

More adults like this that I'm discovering.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, there are more and more adults who will not essentially become adults. Here's how everything works. Everyone is born. And when you're born, you have a whole bunch of things that we need to kind of either break you of or Introduce you to that don't seem great on the first pass, you know. Alcohol. Yes. It was funny because we had gone out to, I don't know, for my birthday, I don't know, a couple months ago, we went to a nice steakhouse and with wife and the kids, and we had some wine and that kind of stuff. And at the end they said, oh, would you like a nice dessert wine or something? Like a little after dinner cocktail or something? And they bring you the Drambuill or the whatever they come by. It's licorice. Yeah, Limoncello, whatever it is. And I got what I got. And Lynette got something that tasted just like sweet, kind of fruity, kind of like nothing. I'm sure it was 40% alcohol, but it tasted. Tasted like yummy, you know? Yeah, Limoncello. And so she'd had, you know, she'd had a little. She had her buzz on, and she was kind of drinking it going, this doesn't taste like. Once you've been drinking wine or if you'd had a martini or something, this just tastes like candy now. And she doesn't taste. And at some point, I think Natalia was like, what is that? And she's like, eh, take a little hit. And Natalia took a little hit and went like, oh. And like starts spitting it out, like, yelling, why did you do that? Why did you do that? And she was like, it burns. It burns. And she's like, why? And I was saying, hey, remember that feeling for, you know, when the guys try to ply you with booze after the football game? But I realized, oh, yeah, that's booze, and that's what she's responding to. And we had a little buzz going, and we're drinking.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're used to countrytime lemonade that tastes like poison, for example, but when.

[Brian Bishop]

You'Ve been drinking dry martinis, it tastes like candy. So it's like one of those. It's one of those things, you know, perspective. So as I always talk about the yummy phase, we're all born into the yummy phase. There's Nobody at age 8 who wants an IPA, a nice crafted beer over a grape soda. But at our age, when you come home from work, there's nothing that goes down better. Or you're barbecuing on a weekend, the nice handcrafted beer. And you would take a tablespoon of that over a quart of grape soda, really, if you had the choice, as you grow out of yummy phase, an.

[Allison Rosen]

Exception that proves your rule. I met an 8 year old once who said that his favorite thing to eat was carpaccio.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

In his defense, carpaccio was wonderful.

[Allison Rosen]

A child from Palo Alto.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. So sad. So this is the yummy phase that we're all born into. And then we get. We work our way out of it with the sushis and the whiskeys and pussy and all the other things. Carpaccio, foul tasting things that we learn to love.

[Allison Rosen]

Blowjobs don't go down easy.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm saying. Let me tell you the learning curve with this one. Yeah. So that's the yummy phase. And then you kind of grow out of it. We now have more adults staying in the yummy phase. And then also there's another phase. It's sort of the emotional yummy phase, which is mine, mine, mine. This is all mine. Nobody can play with any of my stuff. I want everything my way. I don't care how many M&Ms. I have, they're mine. I'm not gonna split them with you.

[Allison Rosen]

And then you go and avoiding discomfort, avoiding struggle.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right. And it's all that stuff. Basically the yummy phase. Like again, there's a actual sort of tangible, almost mechanical yummy phase that we need to break you of. And then there's an emotional yummy phase we need you to stop as well, which is that thing where it's like, well, you got to watch the show you wanted to watch last night, Sonny. So tonight it's Natalia's turn, which of course in a kid's mind is, I want to watch the show. I want to watch every night. And no other human being exists. So thus we should watch Lego based programming every night. But it's not fair to the other person. And that's another thing. We're having a little difficulty training our citizens in either way. I work with a guy named Andrew. He's a real sweet guy, but he just. He will not take anything. You know, he eats a hamburger patty that's, you know, literally like a hot dog, that's plain, you know, just boiled. I like them steamed on a bun, you know, with nothing on it. Just one of those guys. And for the first time, he's over there working on the Paul Newman doc and Roadheart and all that stuff. Stuff we all decided, which I recommend highly for all the people that eat lunch in front of whatever they're working on in the edit bay or in front of the computer on their lap with the Styrofoam thing every once in a while. Go, fuck it. We're going out instead of sending the kid on the run. And then we can all just eat and work with a spork. Let's all just get in the car and go. Takes 45 minutes. Who gives a fuck? Literally takes, takes.

[Allison Rosen]

It's great team building.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's shaving. Yeah. You get to listen to me complain around a table.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I go back to the office?

[Brian Bishop]

That's what it was. I'm good. So it took an extra 18 minutes, but we all went out and had a good time.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like stepping out of the batter's box, you know, dirt the cleats and.

[Brian Bishop]

Just bang, bang the cleats a little. So we all went out. We got ourselves some like, Mediterranean stuff. I had to see how Ryan ordered. He just got the sort of scary cracker honky version of the Middle Eastern food, which is just the beef kebab. Just the beef kebab. Plain rice and salad, you know. But then I was watching him and I also had a plan. Oh, I said ryan. I meant Andrew. Ryan is doing something else. He's editing. I said, how's he going to do this? And I was also looking at this huge pile of rice. He had my plan. My diet plan is I go out to eat with people, I order healthily and then I pick shit off of their plate that's not healthy because that has no calories. Right. I don't order the rice. He orders the rice. And then I take a couple big scoop loads of it and shove it onto my plate.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how I do it too.

[Brian Bishop]

I do it that way with oversized cookies as well.

[Allison Rosen]

The only carbs I eat are other people's.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Opc.

[Brian Bishop]

We should. Yeah, I'm down with opc.

[Adam Carolla]

Gosh. Like food. Caligulas taken from the others.

[Brian Bishop]

We should really just start some sort of online forum for people who want to eat other people's carbs. We don't have to order our own.

[Allison Rosen]

Carbs like Ashley Madison for food.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's right. We can meet up and experience exotic carbs. Not getting what you want from your carbs. Got the seven year carb itch.

[Adam Carolla]

You go to meetings.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So that's what I do. I'm not ordering the rice. You get the rice. They give you way too much rice. Because. Because it's the cheapest thing to have. And then I'll scoop some onto my plate. So I'm keeping an eye on Andrew eating also. Like I said, I do that with the cookies. We had our road hard party Fantastic listener came and made us homemade cookies, churned our own butter kind of thing. And it was one of these things where the cookies the size of hubcap. And I'm not going to go, honestly, it's a big oversizer. You know, it's four inches around.

[Allison Rosen]

Took a hand.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not gonna go in there and eat the whole thing. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go to the fridge, I'm gonna break it in half. I'm gonna take half back with me. The edit bay. I'm gonna sit down, I'm gonna watch the thing. I'm gonna work for about 20 minutes, and then I will go back and finish the second half of the cookie off. Either way, the cookie will be eaten. It'll just be eaten in two parts. It'll be like a mini series, like the roots of oatmeal cookies. And somehow, calorically, I will fool my body into not absorbing. So that's what I was doing, and I was watching Andy, and Andy started. And I've never seen this before. When the salad shows up with the rice and the morsels of tender beef, it's usually, I everi do the same thing. I put the salad on the plate, I put the spare ribs on the plate, and then 10 minutes later, I've eaten seven spare ribs and I haven't touched a salad. Because that's how we're all wired. I watch him eat the entire salad, just staring at the beef, not touching the rice. He goes through the entire salad, and it's a big salad. I've never seen this before. Then he proceeds to set in on the rice, and he eats all of the rice, devours all of the rice. Then he eats the beef separately. Now, meanwhile, I got the chicken broken off, and I'm dipping it into the hummus, and I'm dipping it into the garlic sauce, and I'm wrapping it up in the flatbread. And I'm putting a piece of tomato on there and an onion strip, you know, And I'm mixing every. I like to mix everything up.

[Allison Rosen]

There are certain people who can't stand when their food mixes or touches.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm 75% of the time. I'm the no mix guy. I don't like syrup on my eggs.

[Brian Bishop]

That's really weird.

[Adam Carolla]

To me.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm the only mix person.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, to me, I'm not a huge mixer. But what I like is if I'm eating Mexican, I eat a bite of beans, and my next bite will be of the rice.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Because I like this sort of, you know, it's this sort of cocktail with the mixer and the booze kind of goes together. But yeah, I'm not gonna just finish the beans off and be done with the beans. And now I start on the rice. Well, this is what Andrew does, and it's bothering me. But then I thought to myself, and I pose this question to you and the listeners as well. I started thinking about Mike August in the super annoying way he eats the stone pelican. Everything. Yeah, he fucking cuts everything up. Drives me nuts. He orders an omelet and he proceeds to cut it, like, vigorously. He doesn't start eating it. He cuts it all up. One thing it does is make every piece cold that he gets to. I don't know what the advantage of whatever it does, it doesn't do you any good. He. Every meal, he knows he gets to.

[Allison Rosen]

Keep them knife for the whole meal.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like he's eating prison.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone's got a tap on his shoulder. Sorry, sir. Point to his watch. We need that knife back. Yeah. He. I don't know. It's like. And I know, like, a lot of people do this. They go, well, that's what I'm used to doing. But I'm used to doing a lot of things too. And I stopped. Maybe you grew up that way. Maybe your dad cut your steak for you and he cut it in pieces. And now that's what I used to bite my nails. Yeah, maybe you got to do anymore. Maybe you got bit by a fucking dog. When you're four, does that mean you can't see a dog? You're freaked out by dogs now, like, you have. Does everything have to be just a vestige of the past and we have to sign off on it? So. So I ask you then, what is more annoying the person that. I'm not talking about mixing the food. I'm talking about a big plate of rice, a big salad and beef and not touch. Completely compartmentalizing out your own food, so compartmentalized that if this was the Titanic, it wouldn't have sunk. It would not have sunk completely. Or the chopping everything up beforehand and then going at it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd be more annoyed by the chopping because that's more of an action. I'd be distracted by the cutting and sitting of the food as opposed to the guy who eats out of order is more of a curiosity.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a question about the compartmentalizing.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on one second. I agree, but I will also say that it does not affect the Experience as much. The idea of having a bite of beef or taking the beef and putting it on top of the rice and having it sort of bleed down into the rice and getting that spoonful where the ratio's just right with the beef and the rice in your mouth at the one time. The idea that, like, going all beef non stop is actually a little salty and annoying at a certain point. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotta break it up.

[Brian Bishop]

And the rice is super annoying. It's just white rice.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what must be distracting for you in that respect is you're looking out the corner of your eye, like, thinking to yourself, he's not eating that beef. He's not gonna have a room for that beef.

[Brian Bishop]

I would say that before I was thinking, I want to get some of this rice. But I didn't realize his policies. He demolishes the entire. All the salad, all the rice, and then all the beef. And then someone says, but what happens when you get to the beef and you're full up? And he said, it's never happened.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow, I didn't see that coming. Okay, my question is, how far does he take the compartmentalizing? For example, would he eat dry cereal and then drink milk? Or, like, if he has a salad.

[Brian Bishop]

One kernel of Chex mix, one teaspoon of milk, dropper of milk, one drop. Well, three drops. But yes.

[Allison Rosen]

If he has a salad that has different items on it, will he, like, just eat the tomatoes and then just eat the hard boiled egg and then.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think he would. He wouldn't accept that salad. It would just be salad with ranch dressing.

[Allison Rosen]

I see.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

He might be more annoying.

[Brian Bishop]

Mike is more annoying in a sense that his elbows are up in the air and you hear what sounds like knives being sharpened. Yeah. Like there's literally saber rattling. He's carving his. He's declared war on his plate and my eyeball. But Andrew's more annoying from a culinary standpoint. I just think he's not. He cannot enjoy all this beef. I'm just sitting in a pile of white rice and not touching the beef. Not touching the beef.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what the rice is for. The flavor, that rice.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what it's for. Right. In and of itself, is really nothing. It's what you'd get in prison if you were in some Asian prison. That's all they'd give you, and you'd be fucking miserable.

[Adam Carolla]

It's be to not going there.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, no, I'm saying that's. They get a bowl of rice water with a. It's well known fish head in it. That's what you get, you know, if you're lucky. The mixture, that. That. That piece. That morsel of beef and then mixed in with the rice.

[Allison Rosen]

He's eating it wrong rice.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Anyway. All right, so who are we with now? The.

[Adam Carolla]

The cutting guy is. Is physically distracting. I'd have a hard time getting started on my. The other one's more like. I said, more of a curiosity, like, what the hell's going on over there?

[Brian Bishop]

They should both go sit at another table, though. I think that much we know, right? Somebody tweeted me a song yesterday, and I just. I can't get over super annoying songs from the 80s that I know all the lyrics to. And this One is from 1983. Charted on a number 29. Had that clap in it.

[Adam Carolla]

There it is.

[Brian Bishop]

It's such a horrible song. Now, I had a conversation with poor Lynette last night, which is, we don't agree on everything, but I walked in a room, I said, oh, just turn it up. I said, you hate this song. Don't you give up. Don't give up. I said, there. You hate this song, don't you? And she said, yeah, I hate this song. And I said, I hate this song too. And then I said, you know why we hate this song? Not because we agree. Because we have good taste. And the songs are piece of. And I. I want more of that out of life.

[Adam Carolla]

But food segmenter guy loves this song. Food segmenter guy, but I love this song.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But he can't listen to it while eating. Compartmentalizes all experience.

[Adam Carolla]

He gets the master tapes and gets the track of the drums.

[Chris Law]

Keywords.

[Brian Bishop]

Break it down.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think that's a real drum set.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do we need to hear this song? Why do we know this song? It's so fucking bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that makes me wonder. The youth of this office. Gary, do you know this song? That's.

[Brian Bishop]

No, absolutely not. It was a popular song.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like a song gets played.

[Brian Bishop]

On like it does in the. In the. In the Burbank airport.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like it was in a lot of movies that Nikai all saw.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was somebody. Now, my wife said, well, then how's it work? How's it work? Why do we have to hear this song? Why does everyone know this song? Why does this song get played? Nobody likes it. It fucking sucks. And not only that, it's sort of insulting to your intelligence. It's just shit. It's shit, sonically, but it's also Too Just. Do you believe in heaven? Do you believe in. It's such a. It's just a flaming pile of fucking shit. Why?

[Allison Rosen]

Makes me miss Wham?

[Brian Bishop]

And he said, because they test it on dumb people. And dumb people go, oh, I know this song. They don't go, this is a good song. They go, oh, I know this song. And they turn the knob when they hear the beginning of the song. And you can play it when they hear the first, they. They start turning the knob. Oh, I know this song. That's how it works. Oh, they go, oh, yeah. Oh, I know. And then retard starts turning the knob. Yeah. Do you believe? And then it cut. Gets back to the program director that the song tested off the charts. David Wilde. Hey, Adam. How bad is that song that Send Me an Angel piece of shit? You know what?

[David Wilde]

I'm very excited you mentioned it, because I believe we're going to have it performed live on the. We're going to reunite real life to.

[Brian Bishop]

Perform it on the ESPYs tomorrow night. God, I hope they were all hit by a real commuter train. I really do.

[David Wilde]

That is a terrible song.

[Brian Bishop]

It's so fucking bad. Why wouldn't it? David Wilde. You know everything about music. You work in the industry. This is the only conclusion I can draw. We first hear the song because of Paola, because somebody drops off a sack of cocaine to the program director and he gives it spins.

[David Wilde]

Once it starts with cocaine and then it gets worse.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam. Right. Then once it gets spins, it gets tested four months later or four years later or 10 years later. And it's familiar to all the people because it got enough spins and now it makes it into the classic 80s station, right?

[David Wilde]

It's the passion fruit of the music industry.

[Brian Bishop]

God, how fucking dumb are we? Anyway, the ESPYs, Wednesday night, July 16, 9 o', clock, ESPN. This thing just keeps getting bigger and bigger every year. David Wilde.

[David Wilde]

It's true. I've never been around the show before. I just came in to consult a little like four or five days ago, and it is wild. It feels like the Grammys, obviously, with more sports. It's such a big show and every. It's down in the same staple center area. Everyone is here, like, walking around, running into. It's just. It's an amazing big show and Drake hosting, I think, is going to make it much bigger.

[Brian Bishop]

It's got to be tough for you just walking around there, everyone thinking you're a baller, you know what I mean? Like, because it's hard to tell. There's so Many athletes walking around, you don't know the guy from the security guard from the power forward for the Knicks. You know, you don't know football players. You know, they can't recognize you without the helmet and everything on. Shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen. They turn him away.

[David Wilde]

I was just hanging around, around with Michael, Sam and who's the nicest guy? Greatest guy. And people did confuse us for one another. They asked if we were twins.

[Chris Law]

But here.

[David Wilde]

You know what? I'm going to make an athletic challenge to you on the Adam Carolla Show. I've resisted doing this, but just to, you know, to establish my athletic credentials, I am going to challenge you one on one. Mulholland Tennis Club. Return to the scene of your youthful crimes. I want to challenge you to a set of tennis. I believe I can take you.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, you're on. I never play tennis.

[David Wilde]

Then I'll definitely.

[Brian Bishop]

But it was the place where my buddy Ray would do the enemas from the jets from the Jacuzzi. When we break in in the middle.

[David Wilde]

Of the night, we're still disinfecting the Jacuzzi. Still trying.

[Adam Carolla]

See, you'd have home court advantage.

[Brian Bishop]

As someone who's been to the Mulholland Tennis Club and belongs to the Mulholland Tennis Club, can you believe we got up on that roof?

[David Wilde]

No, to this day, I. I bring that up and no one believes me. By the way, you got. It's a perfect crime. You got away with it. No one believes this really happened.

[Brian Bishop]

We got up on that roof naked, not easy to do, and drunk as well. You'd have to go up to the second tier of the patio and pile tables on top of one another and grab the piece of rigid conduit that was coming out with the light onto it on that top patio deck.

[David Wilde]

Rigid conduit are one of my favorite bands. They're better than real life. Who did send me an angel?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God, I hope they've all been claimed by a horrible disease. All right, so David ESPYs. I know because my agent's in town. He's going to be there. James, baby doll, Dick's in and he's going to be there because I think Bill Simmons, ESPN's Bill Simmons, a sports guy, is going to be there. I don't know if he's. You know, it's a weird thing. And you can tell me. I was talking to Mike August yesterday and I said, well, Bill Simmons is going to be at the ESPYs because, you know, he's Bill Simmons, ESPN. I mean, he's the man. And Then I said to Mike August, I wonder if Bill's going to present something? And he said, of course, he's ESPN's the Man. And I said, let me tell you something. I used to work for mtv and I had one of the most popular shows on mtv. And whenever MTV would do an award show, we could barely get tickets to the show, much less were asked to present. They're almost ashamed of their own talent. They'd much rather get a rapper to present.

[David Wilde]

No, no, they've got a lot of a list talent like, you know, Cameron Diaz and Jeff Bridges, all sorts of people. And also your friend Danica Patrick, who I got. Got to work with not that long ago. And she is. She's smoking, isn't she?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she is. And as a matter of fact, I gotta talk to her because I want to work on this. It's interesting, but I want to work on this Willie T. Ribs documentary. First black man to run at Indy. And he and Danica both had to go to England to sort of get broken in with the Formula Atlantic or Formula V or whatever they did over there in England. But they both. Both faced discrimination of one kind.

[David Wilde]

That man tried to keep them down, like you and me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the man. The man tried to keep down the black man, and he tried to keep down the woman from racing. So they both in. In different time periods, in different eras, but they both had to sort of overcome the obstacles.

[David Wilde]

When I see her, should I tell her to reach out to you?

[Brian Bishop]

Please tell her I want to talk to her about those challenges. And again, it's about the first black guy. But she's in the same boat in the sense that she was discriminated against as well.

[David Wilde]

So I am too late to be the first black guy to.

[Brian Bishop]

You could be the first guy with the yarmulke underneath his helmet running at Daytona or Talladega.

[David Wilde]

This is 40 has. Must be on HBO constantly now, because I actually got two people mention it today at the.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it is. This.40's played quite a bit. And I now look for the back of your head talking to my hero, Graham Parker, who turns in a pretty solid acting performance as well, I think it was.

[David Wilde]

I was such a generous actor with him that I really.

[Brian Bishop]

I set him up for him. So who. And everyone loves sports. And the great. The thing is this. Every actor fantasizes about being a jock. You know what I mean? And there's this weird thing where it's like, I feel like. Like I feel like every rock star fantasizes about being a jock. And every jock sort of fantasizes about being a rock star. And there's this weird, like, sort of they all kind of wish they were playing lead guitar for Led Zeppelin. And then the guy in Led Zeppelin wishes he was, you know, catching the Super Bowl. He's into soccer. But the point is they all show up.

[David Wilde]

Drake is the ultimate example. Drake is like as sports associated as he is music. And you're going to see, you know, a lot of each from him. He's going to be, I think, really great. And he's not technically, I checked. LL Cool J is not here. So I think Drake is going.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[David Wilde]

I did a quick search.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Is LL Cool J okay? Because I'm going to start calling local hospitals.

[David Wilde]

He's good. And I know in asking that what you really want to say is congratulations to me on Miami nomination. I know you wanted to say that.

[Brian Bishop]

You were nominated for an Emmy.

[David Wilde]

Yes, for the Beatles. And I know that that was important to you to reach out and offer me some sort of, you know, maybe I can get into the next road. Hard test.

[Brian Bishop]

Testing. Yeah, we're doing that. What? So how does that work? And then, and then who are you up against?

[David Wilde]

I'm up against Billy Crystal, so my mom is already voting for him.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, right. It's one man show, I think.

[David Wilde]

Golden Globes, Sarah Silverman. Your friend Sarah Silverman, I'm up against.

[Brian Bishop]

And her one woman or her stand up special?

[David Wilde]

Yes, and my one woman show is up against it. And is that the golden and the Golden Globes? I think that's the category. So I will be a two time loser in just a month.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I don't. You know what I could never understand with the Emmys and many of these groups, I mean there's certain. Probably the ESPYs have it right, but you know when they do that thing where it's like, well, who's up in this category? Well, you got Letterman and you got Colbert. And then they're up against Tommy Toon for his one man show. And then they're up against the Oscars from last year. And it's like, how is it the show that's on every night, I mean, literally five nights a week for an hour is up against the once a year variety show. And it's like, well, they just fall into the same category. And it's like, why does that make sense to anybody?

[David Wilde]

No, my first nomination was Tribute to Heroes, the telethon where, you know, after 9, 11, where there were absolutely no jokes, we were up against Saturday Night Live. I could never make any sense of it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's people go, well, that's the way. But why, why not? I mean, why not just go, here's all the late night shows. There's 15 late night shows. Pick five of them and then see who the best late night show is. Why? Why is it Tommy Tune and his One Man, One Night Only, blah, blah, blah. Why are we doing that?

[David Wilde]

I think it's because, I mean technically, I think it is because there's categories where they say variety, special or like series and that's where they're two different things. So, yeah, I think, as always, you are right.

[Brian Bishop]

I tell you, I need someone to send me an angel about right now. Absolutely, right now. So anyway, ESPN, ESPYs, 9 o' clock tomorrow.

[David Wilde]

And by the way, I had a very powerful moment. I said I just was walking through the audience to see who's coming. Jim Brown is going to be there and I've never met him. My mom double dated with him in college. So I'm going to ask him if he's my father.

[Brian Bishop]

Be prepared. He has an uncanny sense of humor. It's a wild, super self deprecating, loves practical jokes, sense of humor. Thanks, David. Wild.

[David Wilde]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Love you, buddy. As I told you, I was on an airplane flying from New York. I think I was sitting in first class and I was sitting with. Oh, shit. I think I was sitting with Tommy Tune. Yeah. Would have made sense, no?

[Adam Carolla]

Davidson.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it really Davidson?

[Brian Bishop]

It was Tommy Davidson. I was sitting with Tommy Davidson. Made me long to be black because I was sitting with Tommy Davidson and Jim Brown was sitting in front of us in first class. And the plane pulled up to the gate. They hooked the gate up, but they said there's a bomb threat inside the terminal so you can't get off the plane. So everyone has to stay on the plane. So we didn't really have anything to do and everyone's just kind of stretching their legs a little bit, like they'd let you get out of your seat and stuff. We just couldn't get. Couldn't go into the terminal. And when Tommy Davidson saw James, Jim Brown, it was like, hey. And there was like hugging and stuff. And I'm like, you guys can't really be friends, are you? You're 30 years apart. One of you weighs 120 pounds. You didn't play any ball at all. You're black. You're hugging it out. You're making me jealous.

[Adam Carolla]

Lucky for you, Larry Zonka was right across the aisle.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, up top, my man. Unbeaten. The Super bowl.

[Adam Carolla]

The white belt.

[Brian Bishop]

72. That's right. Where's Jim? Kick. Yeah. Allison. Doesn't make any sense to you, I know, but the point is, I do long for that. Because I think they do it to fuck with whitey a little bit. Like, hey, let's make a pact. Like every time a brother sees a brother, we'll hug it out like we're best friends and white. Because it's not like I said I wouldn't see some white athlete who was 20 years older than me and we'd be fucking hugging. It'd just be weird, tension. Be looking at him wondering, get his autograph or something. But I said to Jim Brown, I said, listen, here's what we're going to do. They've told us we can't go through the terminal. You go first. You lead. You lead and I'll go right off you. And I was doing a little football fun with him. We'll go down the Jetway. You take out the security guy or whoever the chick is that's working the Jetway there and I'll cut, I'll break right off your. I'll break for daylight right off your hip. And he just looked at me. He was super serious. He went, I don't block. I don't block. He just looked. I don't block for anybody. Thanks, douche. Just trying to make a fucking. Could have had a little moment here. Yeah, we could have a little fucking joke here about something. I. There's certain guys are just so fucking self important and so fucking serious all the time. Can't even like, like fuck around with the, you know, comedian guy behind you in first class who wants to just fucking killing time on this plane. No, not even your bizarre scenario will be entertained.

[Adam Carolla]

That's fantastic.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, felt great.

[Adam Carolla]

What was the Jim Brown thing? Jim Brown could have said to you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, he did not disappoint. In the department of disappointing, it was Jim Brown as Jim Brown is Jim.

[Adam Carolla]

Brown played by the part played by.

[Allison Rosen]

How do people get to be that way? Is it that they're raised with zero sense of humor?

[Brian Bishop]

He. Well, first thing you have to be is sort of. I mean, anyone can be that way. But being a kind of Specimen at age 14 helps. Starting early and often. I mean, Jim Brown is a specimen and Jim Brown was a specimen before we had the specimen to this day.

[Adam Carolla]

Considered one of the two or three best running backs of all time.

[Brian Bishop]

But also if you see a picture, picture of Jim Brown when he was 61 with no a T shirt, a sleeveless T shirt. You saw the fucking guns. Like, I mean, this guy is not built like anybody you've ever known. And he's been that way since 13, you know, so first thing you need is you need to be able to do things that other people can't do early and often. And from that point mixed in with a dusting of racism and then probably some perceived racism as well as well as real racism and maybe a kufi. You know, you got to get some sort of ceremonial garb or something on there. And then at some point, just because you're physical specimen and were able to just essentially run over people in a league when the average defensive back won about 185 and you were going 235. Then we have a society that's somehow set up this way. We talk to you about what's going on in the Middle east and we talk to you about what's going on domestically and we talk to you about politics and everyone just listens and nods.

[Adam Carolla]

No joke. To this day, if like a black athlete, a young football player gets in trouble. Gotta go to Jim Brown, gotta have Jim Brown talk to him. It's strange. Like we do.

[Brian Bishop]

It's kind of cranky.

[Adam Carolla]

Old man has to talk to.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the equivalent to the hot blonde where since age 13 everyone's just been nodding and smiling and smiling and nodding.

[Allison Rosen]

Very self important.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And he's a football Bill Cosby. Yeah. And every once in a while, yes, you, you meet sometimes miraculously you meet some guys that are that and they're just not. Their temperament is just friendly and easy.

[Allison Rosen]

And you go, you're forgive yourself, aren't you?

[Brian Bishop]

Kind of am. I was looking the reflection in your eyes of myself. That's right. You run into. And you, you run into one of these guys, I don't know, like, you know, Vitali Klitschko or Vladimir, I can't remember which one we had in here.

[Adam Carolla]

Klitschko is the.

[Brian Bishop]

You run into Klitschko, guy's smart, he clobbers everybody. Six foot six. He has a sense of humor about himself and he's kind of seems educated and nice and like a friendly. There's plenty of guys that are that way. There's plenty of stars that are that way.

[Adam Carolla]

You know a young Dolph Lundgren.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But yeah, we had Vladimir, but Jim Brown, not so much. And if David Wilde goes to say hi to Jim Brown, it's gonna be funny. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

That will be funny.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Ah, Reverie bed. Love me some Reverie bed. I love the Reverie. Well, it's not really a bed. It's a sleep system. You can customize the firmness. It's interchangeable, so you can. I mean, when I was talking to these guys, they're like, do you want it firm? You want it soft? Do you want it medium? When we make this part firmer, they pull the coils out. They're not coils. They're like modules, and they're cylinders. And they pull them out and replace them. Different colors, different, different settings, basically. So you can just dial your bed in any way you want, and then it's completely adjustable. Lynette was in her zero gravity. She was floating. She was like Sandra Bullock. When I got to bed last night, she had her knees up. Her butt was cupped. Her torso was, like, raised up. Working on her computer there, just in the float position. Had the vibrator on there, going at it, and you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Get out of the room.

[Brian Bishop]

Get out of the room. Molly, you can stay. Yeah, no, it was. And again, I do the move. I did it last night. I'm tired. When I come home, I don't want to take a nap. Like a nap nap. At 6:30 or 7 in the evening, I hit the vibrator thing. I go to bed for 20 minutes, and it stops after 20 minutes. And I wake up and eat dinner. Have fun with the kids. 888-888-5990. It's just going to change your life, and it will continue to change your life. Look, look. Vacations are nice. And buying a new pair of slacks or running shoes, fine. But this is the gift that keeps giving every night. You're going to be on this thing for basically the rest of your life. So treat yourself. Treat yourself right. You can call them up or you can visit them sleeplikeadam.com you can try the bed out for 101 nights. No risk trial. If you don't love it, send it back for full refund. Really? Treat yourself. I am telling you. Reverie bed. 888-888-599. Good guys. Great product. All right, let's see. Jerry Ferrars here. Try a call or two, and then we'll. We'll bring Jerry in. Kyle. Yes. You got a question? Arizona 31. Yeah.

[Chris Law]

How's it going? Love the show. Love you guys.

[Brian Bishop]

Love you guys.

[Chris Law]

That stand up live.

[David Wilde]

It was fantastic.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Chris Law]

Hey, I got a question. With all the narcissistic douchebags running around and everything, you've complained about, which my wife and I tend to agree almost exclusively with the guns spitting on the ground and all that shit. I want your take on this. I work in the aerospace industry, so our building is almost completely soundproof. But we have this dickhead who pulls up to work every day with this whatever base in his truck that shakes the goddamn roll up doors almost off their tracks every fucking day. And I've never heard you really say much about the guys who, you know, you can hear their, their base just shaking your windows in your house from four blocks away. It just. It's one thing that drives me up a fucking wall. I thought I'd see. I don't know why, why that doesn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Bother you or if it does. It drives me fucking nuts. It drives me nuts. And I don't think people want. People don't normally complain because those people who are in the car have a higher likelihood of shooting you than the folks who have too many stuffed animals in the back of their car. So you tend to complain about them. It makes it easier. But yes. The fucking base thumping and especially when all the windows are down. Like you got, okay, the driver side window down. But. But when's the last time you drove your car with both front windows down and both rear windows down? I've never.

[Allison Rosen]

Your hair blows into your lip gloss.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. My kissing potion's all fucked up by my bangs.

[Allison Rosen]

And then it gets wiped along your face and you get lip gloss on your face. It's all fucked up.

[Adam Carolla]

Story my life.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Chris Law]

Making sure everyone sees who's driving it.

[Brian Bishop]

I fucking hate these people. They want you to hear it. I'm assuming there's some sort of hate. It's a kind of a fuck you. There's a few fuck yous, but all it is is you look like an idiot. But I think it's kind of a fuck you. It's weird. Like you guys. Have you guys ever experienced this? You get in your car and you've been rocking out to something for me. Hanson came to the studio and did an acoustic set of mmm Bop. And Dawson put on a disc for me and I listened to it in the car. A little too loud. And every once in a while I'll climb into the car and realize someone else is climbing in with me. And then I'll turn the car on and it'll be. And I'll quickly. Like I'm embarrassed it's too loud. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want people to hear us. The most uncomfortable I couldn't think of a more uncomfortable thing than drive around in traffic with all the windows down and whatever music I was personally into blaring. I couldn't think of a more uncomfortable position to put myself in. On the other hand, if you're a douche, there's nothing better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And when I pull up to a stop sign or a bus stop or whatever with the music loud, it's a red light immediately goes down. I'm sort of embarrassed listening to.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a real life simian Angel.

[Brian Bishop]

It's probably. It's kind of an ethnic thing for the most part. It's the white man's version of this is taking the baffles off the Harley. So you wake everyone up when you're, you know, throwing revs everywhere. Like, hey, everyone, look at me.

[Allison Rosen]

I actually find that marginally more annoying because that's even more abrasive to your ears.

[Brian Bishop]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing benefiting the rider as like at least the music that some guy's getting enjoyment out of it. The, the motorcycle thing is just.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree with everyone, but. I agree. But if he really wanted to enjoy his music, why couldn't he roll his fucking windows up?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it sound better.

[Brian Bishop]

Cars have air conditioning in them, you know, it's. It's douchey. The good news is those people who think they're going to somehow stake their claim in life by annoying you with their fucking bazooka bass box or by taking the baffles out of their fucking Harley never get anything out of life. They never. They spend all their fucking energy in that department. They somehow become satiated and then they lose their eye the tiger. And they'll always be losers. Those guys never move on from that point to any great success at all, ever. So while you may be annoyed by the sound that's coming out of their vehicle, sleep easy, my young prince. Because no, they'll be driving that vehicle 15 years from now. Yeah, that's fair. And it's always $8,000 on stereo and a $2,000 car. Yeah. Those guys are just fucking idiots. And I wish I'm not. You know, you know me. I don't like the cops doing a whole lot of policing. I like. I want to, you know, stop the crime and leave everyone alone when they're driving. But if you have a choice between setting up at the end of the street at the four way stop sign and riding every fucking human being who coast through that thing, Chicken shit ticket versus or no front license plate versus busting the guys, pull the baffles off as Harley who wakes up up everybody. Because those guys will just go down the fucking street and throw revs. I mean, they'll just blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, they'll just toss a few revs. There's no way. I mean, how many countless naps I've been awoken from when I used to live in, like, an apartment and there was, you know, guy come down the alley behind the fucking thing. And they'd throw a few revs before they pull into the parking whatever. Fucking bust those guys and bust those dickheads who are driving around with their fucking boombox busting everyone's ear drops. Eardrums, I should say. All right, let's see. Someone's apprenticing somebody. John, 17, Indiana. Yeah, hello. What's going on?

[Chris Law]

I'm an apprentice for a construction company, and I have the opportunity to go to a trade school. I'm still in high school, and I was wondering if you thought I should go do that or just get a.

[Brian Bishop]

Regular high school degree, Go to a trade school. If you have to ask, go to trade school right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Go to a trade school.

[Brian Bishop]

Smack. Hey, John. Yeah? First off, how did it work in 1983? Like you think they just went and went, well, the song's been mastered. And somebody walked up and went, where's the weird slap thing? And they went, what? Just the weird, you know, crack.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean like a hand clap?

[Brian Bishop]

Kind of sounds like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Smokey Robinson, the Miracles, you know, the claps.

[Brian Bishop]

No, this is more of a smack.

[Adam Carolla]

Like hitting a person.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't worry about what it sounds like. Why isn't it in your song?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm thinking about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you better start thinking about it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll get right on there.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what year it is? It's 1983. We have rules, you understand? You think you're gonna fucking sneak one, but past me.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

You can't release a song without a weird fucking and inexplicable slack. Snap, slap, right in the middle of it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll get on the slap right away.

[Brian Bishop]

Please put it in the song, would you? Rules or rules? I just. I'm not here to enforce them. By the way, I'll get in trouble if the song comes out without the weird, inexplicable smack right in the middle of it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's my ass if there's no smack.

[Brian Bishop]

Why did every song have to have that?

[Allison Rosen]

Is a snap, a smack or a smap?

[Brian Bishop]

It's a. You know, it's just a well, let's hear what it. I don't know. We'll. We'll. Well, well, here what it is. I. Every third song had to have one. It's a clap soaked heavily in reverb. Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is it? Is it in the chorus?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. She would have ran away from the studio. Can't wait.

[Allison Rosen]

Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost like a bat crack.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Put me in, coach. Unnecessary. All right, all right. Let's see. Where was I? Oh, shit.

[Allison Rosen]

I wonder if they recorded those in real time or if it's just one that they keep triggering.

[Brian Bishop]

It sounded like the same one in every song, so it felt like a canned clap that they just. They used to use the same laugh track on the Honeymooners as they did on I Love Lucy. Like, you just hear the same laugh track. You'd hear the same car crashes. You know, there's certain Foley sound effects. They had the same. When there was a car crash in a movie or something, it was the exact same car crash you heard in every movie.

[Adam Carolla]

You will hear this all the time, right? You hear that all the time, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Then now with digital stuff, they're mixing it up a little bit. Go to trade school. Young John. By the way, somebody shot me. An article just said we're woefully low on skilled workers and you can make plenty of money. Jose. Hi. Hey, Ace. 40, Pasadena. What's going on? Yeah, my question's to you about playing high school sports.

[David Wilde]

Playing junior high sports.

[Chris Law]

I think you've mentioned once or twice that you played football.

[Brian Bishop]

Depending I brought up on this show. I know, the old morning show. It's come up.

[Adam Carolla]

He must be a hardcore fan.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably. Yeah.

[Chris Law]

Yeah, I found that the guys I played sports with in high school, junior high.

[Brian Bishop]

The guys who play tennis still play tennis today. The guys that swam, the guys that.

[David Wilde]

Ran cross country, track, they still do that today.

[Chris Law]

But what I found was the football guys, they never once. Once football was over, like they blew out their knee. They did something like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Most of those guys, they.

[Chris Law]

They sort of quit after that.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you find that, too?

[Chris Law]

You know, Brian, you can weigh in on it, too. I mean, did you play?

[Brian Bishop]

We're still playing semi professional ball, Brian and I.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

We got a game tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

We might talk about it, but.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, no, obviously, no, it's sort of like guys who boxed or something or wrestled in college. You know, the guys. The guys who wrestled in high school or college, they're not 45 and still don't do some wrestling. They do no wrestling. Weekend wrestler yeah, it just doesn't work that way now. I would argue, and it's true, the guys who played tennis in high school play tennis now. I would argue that that's kind of what I liked about the experience. It was very finite, you know, it was like, you did it. You had a window to do it. For me, I did the best I could for the time I could. And then it just becomes a memory after that. It's a lost weekend of sports or something. And I kind of like the fact that that's the whole point. It can't be simulated anymore. Suiting up, getting the gear on, the helmet. There's no.

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost like softball equivalent.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean? No, I was always almost.

[Adam Carolla]

You get around and throw the ball around, but you don't lace them up and put on the pads and hit each other anymore.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I was.

[Brian Bishop]

I was kind of haunted by it for a. Like a good decade after high school of not being able to play real football. Like, it was just like, people go like, hey, we're gonna play ultimate Frisbee or we're going to the park or whatever. And it was like, eh, it was okay, but it wasn't real.

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't the real thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And so it's true. Yeah. People who swim still swim. And people who used to play tennis still play tennis. I don't think it's so much for the shot put though. But either way, they still do it. But it's sort of the beauty of football and the beauty of certain things in life is because you did them for this window, that's your memory. I don't know. It's like, when's the last time you went to a prom? It's been a while. Number of weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple years at least.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, at least. Years. Years. Yeah. But there's something about it. It's a moment in time. You take a picture, it's you at the prom, and then you have some laughs about it, and then you move on. Whereas the swimming, you go to the wine, do it again.

[Adam Carolla]

How about this theory for Jose, why the football players put on the weight so much more. When you're playing, there's such an emphasis on bulking up and staying fat.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know if this thing was about putting weight on or not.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it was the only ones that don't stay athletic after. Well, anyway, the ones that don't stay athletic, there's such an emphasis on eating and the carbo loading and all that stuff. You know, you put yourself in that Frame of mind for three, four years or whatever it is, then you're done and you're still in that frame of mind of eating, you know, all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Were you talking about putting on weight, Jose? Brian.

[Chris Law]

Brian actually made my point exactly.

[David Wilde]

I mean, these are the guys that like.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Chris Law]

I mean, these guys became.

[Brian Bishop]

So I had to disown the show. Gary bets up the goo, right? Yeah. Yeah. Taking in 20,000 calories a day and blowing your knee out is a bad combo because the blowing that you stop but you keep eating.

[Adam Carolla]

But just like psychologically, it's hard for you to all of a sudden finish football, but it's hard for people psychologically, maybe yes or no. To just stop eating like that one day. Like I'm not working out four hours a day to my maximum ability.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I was going to stop eating as much.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we'll take one more call and then we'll Bring Jerry in. Eric, 32, Seattle. Hey, Adam. Hey.

[David Wilde]

I'm taking my call.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Chris Law]

Just another question.

[David Wilde]

I'm in the process of becoming a big Brother.

[Brian Bishop]

Big brothers in America.

[Chris Law]

It's a really extensive process.

[David Wilde]

I'm just trying to think of what kind of good advice I could provide this person.

[Brian Bishop]

I really wanted to.

[David Wilde]

You give out really good, pragmatic, and great advice.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you a big brother? Are you going through the process of it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've gone through the process.

[David Wilde]

I've already been interviewed, background check, couple of references that I've had to send out.

[Chris Law]

So now it's just more matching.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I'm in the phase where they're.

[David Wilde]

Going to look for a match for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I take it you're a virgin. What did they. Very quickly, when they asked me, you know, who I wanted for a match when I was a Catholic Big brother, I was like, I don't know, what do I care? Like, I'm not in the market for a nine year old. Just whoever you got, you know, I mean, fun, obviously hairless, but they're all. I mean, pubescent, obviously tight, you know, I'm saying eager, not used, not chatty. You know what I mean? I want someone running at their mouth, you know, when they get home, you know, after a long day of hiking.

[Adam Carolla]

Obedient.

[Brian Bishop]

Obedient.

[Adam Carolla]

Keeps her mouth shut.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Knows where, knows who's in charge and keep a secret. Things like that. Limber, trustworthy, obviously. Obviously. Things like that. Things of that nature, obviously. Hygiene's pretty important anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

When do I get the kid?

[Brian Bishop]

Uncut, obviously. If I said too much, you know, Whatever. No, I was, you know, my whole thing was, whoever you got, give them to me. I'm not interested in a certain ethnicity or certain age or certain height or whatever. It seemed to fly in the face of what you're doing. You're there to volunteer your time to help somebody who needed help. So whoever needs help, who's next in line will help that person. But you can tell me what they did during the interview process. They ask you like they asked me how often I thought about sex. Sex? Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you serious?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What'd you say?

[Adam Carolla]

Three times in the last five minutes.

[Brian Bishop]

Since we started this time, like now, I took it to mean beating off. No, they said, how many times a day you think about sex?

[Allison Rosen]

What a weird question.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, as I was thinking about it later, they asked a few things they want to know. Obviously they have to go through a, a screening process with you because you're there getting young boys and taking them with you, you know, like you're picking them up. My kid Nate, he used to sleep over and stuff. Like he'd spend the weekend with these guys, you know, and you take them around with you and you didn't do it the first weekend. They didn't sleep over, but eventually he'd sleep over. And you know, there's a lot of folks, fellas out there who are collecting nine year olds for a reason. And these guys come from families, they may have been abused. A lot of them are sort of set up for this cycle that kind of continues depending on. Well, what I'm saying is the kids make pretty good victims because they've already been victimized. And the predators sort of know that you cannot pull any shenanigans on people that are super healthy and super strong and have a good structure and boundaries and feel good, good about themselves. They'll freak out. But if the person has already been abandoned and wounded and possibly abused, it sets them up. Yeah. And so guys come in and they want to make sure that that's not going to go on. And so they ask you quite.

[Allison Rosen]

Now I'm just wondering what that question nets.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll tell you what it nets.

[Adam Carolla]

What are they looking for?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I'll tell you. Well, go ahead. It was a female, so you go ahead and ask me.

[Allison Rosen]

So, Adam, how often do you find yourself thinking, why?

[Brian Bishop]

Who wants to know who you been talking to? Chad? He's a liar. He's a liar. Was it Chad? Hold on. Is that window open? What floor are we on?

[Allison Rosen]

We're on the 19th floor.

[Brian Bishop]

Get the fuck out of Here, gangway. Yeah, they're just like, they're hoping you start sweating profusely and looking around and shifting in your seat. And then you clear your throat and you say almost never.

[Adam Carolla]

More than normal number of times.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, whatever the normal amount is. And then they start writing stuff down and then you're out. I think it's too.

[Allison Rosen]

To see if it triggers some weird response in you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's sort of like when the cop says, where you heading tonight? You know, he's not really interested in knowing where you're heading. He just wants to see what your reaction to his flashlight is.

[Allison Rosen]

Super specific, invasive conversation.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I said three times the.

[Allison Rosen]

Dad, that's such a lie.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Well, look, I wasn't gonna say one. I wasn't gonna say 26. I really didn't have an answer.

[Allison Rosen]

But I'm just saying, really, how many times do you guys estimate that you think about it per day?

[Brian Bishop]

It's hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Something to counter.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's hard to tell because every time you pass a fucking billboard for booze and there's a hot chick on it, you go looky there. But you're not really thinking about sex, per se.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, thinking, oh, that's a really good looking girl. Is that thinking about sex or is that sexy girl?

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So I just said three times a day. And then they said, do you do drugs? And I said, no, I don't do drugs, only when I think about sex. But. And I told her flat out, I said, look, I don't do drugs, but if I'm at a party and there's.

[Allison Rosen]

A joint, a six year old holding.

[Brian Bishop]

And a six year old, you know, don't bogart that shit, bitch. I said, if there's a joint going around a party, you can count me in. Like, if you're passing it around, keeping it real, hand it to me. Because I thought, well, what do I. Why would I lie? I didn't want to be here really, is what I'm thinking. But I'm not going to make up a bunch of lies to get in to do something for free. Essentially. It's not, it's not a job interview. So I said, yeah, you know, I'm not a junkie, but smoke a joint once in a while if I'm at a party. And they went, okay. And two weeks later I got young Nate, so. And after that, all the kids want is you to do shit with them. It doesn't matter. We, we. I didn't have any money, so we went to the beach a lot. And it actually Was good because it got me to do shit that I would not. I'd normally be sitting around on a Saturday drinking a beer, watching TV or something. And this got me out to go to the beach and got me out to go to the park, the museum. Like it gets. You rescued whom? That's right. You saw the little hand bumper sticker I have on my. The miniature little hand. Legalzoom baby. Ah. You want to protect your family, your finances, your business. And you can get legal help you can trust. @legalzoom.com they've been helping Americans get wills, powers of attorney, living trust for over 13 years. And protect your assets and start an L.L.C. s corporation, trademarks, real estate, documents and more, all at LegalZoom. They take care of you, start to finish. Soup to nuts. It's the modern way to get legal help. LegalZoom Dawson for special savings. Be sure to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Protect your family, protect your [e-mail] LegalZoom was developed by top attorneys to provide self help services at your specific direction. But they're not a law firm. Legal help is furnished through vetted independent attorneys. All right, Jerry Ferreira here, you know him as Turtle. And I love me some Entourage. I'm excited. They're making a movie. Will take a quick break. Bring Jerry in. Next, Jerry Ferrara in studio. Think like a Man two out as we speak. Also podcast Bad for business. And second episode features Kevin Conley. By the way, E. From Entourage, available now on itunes. And also, we'll talk sandwiches and Entourage the movie and Arturo Gotti and all that good stuff.

[Chris Law]

Stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

When's Entourage movie supposed to come out?

[Jerry Ferrara]

As of now, it's supposed to come out June of next year, which certainly seems like a long ways away. But summer comedy, the show is always a summer show. So I think they're kind of holding it to keep it in the summer.

[Brian Bishop]

I love that goddamn Entourage. I loved it and I loved it right out of the gate.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Did you? Because not a lot of people did.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know, but you remember I went to some of those events and. And there was a few shows. My claim to fame in life is that I was on to Family Guy and Entourage episode one.

[Adam Carolla]

Early adopter.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone else kind of went, we'll wait and see. And they missed the first season or two.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I do remember running into you quite a few times where you kind of just gave me like the wink, like, good job you got. No one else was doing that. I think there was one other person that gave. I think John Favaro at some party gave me like, like a thumbs up. And you, you're the only two people that were giving us a little bit of props.

[Brian Bishop]

I just, I don't. I don't know, I can't even explain why the four something. There's some sort of, you know, fantasy about guys all living in the same big house up in the hills and having fun and just. But just Johnny Drama and everything. It's just a really well written, really funny, really compelling, really interesting show. I just really enjoy it.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Crazy thing, Kevin Dillon has never been in a comedy until Entourage. Guy was in like Platoon and the Doors and all these Oliver Stone films. No one thought the guy was funny. And I think he's the funniest person I ever met. He opens up his mouth and I was laughing from day one.

[Brian Bishop]

He, in that role is fucking perfect because he's so self important. You know, when he talks about going to the Valley and having to hydrate during August and things like that, and preparing for roles and stuff like that, and going to his conventions for TV shows that were hits in the late 80s and that kind of stuff and just. It's perfect on him.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Doug Allen, the creator of the show, actually created a fake IMDb page for Johnny Drama. And it's. It's awesome. Like, it goes back to like Pacific Blue in 1993 and 227. It's pretty funny if you ever get a second.

[Brian Bishop]

His.

[Jerry Ferrara]

His IMDb page works.

[Brian Bishop]

So what are you gonna do if you're in now amazing shape and we're just talking off the air and we're talking about Jay Glazer and training with him, and then we're talking about. About. Gary was telling me about Arturo Gotti and Mark Wahlberg and of course Mark Wahlberg knows Gotti. Then the story with Gotti, you know, Gotti was the guy had all the big fight, the big trilogy with Mickey Ward 2, and then his life came to a tragic death. Some people say it's suicide. Some people think his wife killed them. It's a little sketchy because it took place in like, I don't know, Dominican Republic or something like that. I don't know where did he. Do you remember where he was? He was on vacation somewhere.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Yeah, it was Brazil.

[Brian Bishop]

It was in Brazil. The thing about dying somewhere else other than here, it's a lot of. Well, the authorities, they just said best left alone.

[Adam Carolla]

The chalk body outline might never get colored in.

[Brian Bishop]

It just doesn't. It's never quite satisfying.

[Jerry Ferrara]

And also, as was explained to me, He, I believe, was never a US Citizen.

[Brian Bishop]

He was.

[Jerry Ferrara]

He's Canadian.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Arturo guy.

[Jerry Ferrara]

So the US government couldn't even necessarily go investigate, and the Canadian government, I guess, never felt compelled to do it. So it was left in their hands and it was a suicide.

[Brian Bishop]

He was literally found after a night of drinking and maybe arguing with his wife a little bit. Found hanging, but not fully hanging, just sort of partially hanging. Yeah, by her purse, like around his neck on the staircase.

[Allison Rosen]

And she liked the purse. She would never use.

[Brian Bishop]

She would have never used a purse. As a woman, you can do expert testimony. Yeah, they. They chalked it up to suicide. I don't know how you hang yourself with a handbag. They.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Which I think was confirmed by private investigators, could only like support up into about like 50 pounds before it would have snapped.

[Brian Bishop]

She was in. They were in a hotel room in Brazil. Everyone just assumes she did it, but there's really nothing anyone can do about it.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Nothing you could do. I mean, just to think though, that like, that's the way that guy decided to go out. Everything he did in the ring, and obviously you can't say everything in the ring had to do with what his personal life was like, but that's the way he would go out. The guy would not stay down for anybody in the ring.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, what, what happened was, is he. He had a career that was a pretty good boxing career, but he wasn't, you know, wasn't an A list guy. And Mickey Ward had a pretty good almost journeyman career. And, you know, you can win a few belts and be. Have a few titles and still no one's heard of you. There's. It can happen that way in boxing.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Absolutely it does.

[Brian Bishop]

And then Ward and Gotti got together and had this epic battle, like this old school throwback to the 50s, toe to toe, non stop action. The kind of stuff you just don't see anymore because the Klitschko's throw one punch and then they drape their body on the guy and then they clinch and then they push off and it turns into a sort of dancing wrestling match. But these guys, and it takes two to tango. Like, both guys got to be on board with this plan of we're going to lose every brain cell we have, putting on a show for the people. But it was this nonstop, epic battle. I mean, you can look at the picture and it never ended. And they just went on and I think Gotti won two out of three. He won the last. By the time they got to the end, Gotti was the more Skilled fighter of the two. But Ward had this sort of heart of a line, and they both did, and it made them both famous and it made them both friends. So the idea that them trying to kill each other basically made them both some money, but it made him really good friends, too.

[Jerry Ferrara]

If you ever get 30 minutes free, go watch that first fight. It's in front of like 2,000 people in Mohegan. Sun was kind of like a throwaway. Even Lampler saying, like, ah, this could.

[Brian Bishop]

Be a good fight.

[Jerry Ferrara]

These guys styles match up. And from the first bell, you knew it was on. And the ninth round of the first fight, you could ask any boxing historian or analyst. It's probably the best. One of the best rounds, if not the best round in the history of.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was 2002's Fight of the Year by Ring Magazine. So when Wahlberg went on and did the Fighter, what's the fighter? Right.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Yeah, the Fighter. The Mickey Ward Story.

[Brian Bishop]

He did a Mickey Ward story, but he stopped before he got the Arturo Gotti trilogy, which was a great movie, but it was kind of a weird place to stop because you're like, well, this is where everyone knows Micky Ward from the trilogy with Gotti. And the movie ended before he got to Gotti. So now I'm guessing with the Gotti movie that Wahlberg wants to produce. Right, Whatever. Yeah.

[Jerry Ferrara]

He's on as a producer and, you know, looking at that movie, and I've gone back and watched it, you know, definitely focused more on the personal life, obviously, with everything that shows the brother and everything with. With Dicky Eklund. And I don't know if he left it that way on purpose to do another version of it, but, yeah, I mean, it kind of stopped right there. And HBO actually did a great documentary that Mark Wahlberg did the narration for called Legendary Nights on the three fights.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Between War. And the only thing missing from this documentary that's amazing is. Is Arturo Gotti. Years later, like Ward talks about it. Everyone talks about those fights. The only commentary you don't have is. Is Arturo's. And that would be the blank that we would try to fill in.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's weird that if someone would have said Turtle was gonna play Arturo Conti, everyone would have laughed their ass off a few years ago.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I can see it.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Well, look, believe me, if I get into this and I truly feel like I can't do a good job, I promised Pat lynch, who is Arturo's manager, I'll walk away before I do a.

[Brian Bishop]

Disservice he was interviewed quite extensively in this documentary as well. Pat lynch was. So this would be a feature and it would be Arturo Gotti's story. And again, it was all there. He was good looking guy, good fighter, heart of a lion, and then died young and tragically. I mean, all the pieces are there for a crazy, crazy good movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you campaign for the role or did Mark approach you or had that happen?

[Jerry Ferrara]

It actually all came through Pat lynch, who's been wanting to tell Arturo story. And then with all everything going on with the documentary and it kind of. I'm so used to having to scratch and claw and fight for everything because people have predetermined notions of what I am and what I could do. And that's fine. I actually enjoy that at times. But it was nothing more. We had a dinner, we had a conversation. He knew I was already obsessed with him as a fan, and it kind of. It just came to me like, that. I remember even, like telling my agent, so I don't have to go test 97 times and go beat out. He's like, doesn't seem that way now with me being in the lead, there comes the challenges of, of getting everything financed, which has been an amazing challenge, but getting everybody else on board, but it's all looking set, so it's kind of shocking.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. When Wahlberg's playing the lead, it's easier to get the other guys on board. And not that we don't recognize your name, but if you can get Tom Cruise to star in your movie, it's easier to. To get Cameron Diaz to play along as well.

[Allison Rosen]

And how are you guys handling the question marks surrounding the death?

[Jerry Ferrara]

You know, I don't think that you could literally go out and say, here's what we think. It's not a conspiracy. It wouldn't be a conspiracy movie. I mean, my goal, I know Pat's goal is kind of, you watch this movie, you get to know who he was, and as an audience member, you walk away with your conclusion of like, all right, we kind of. We can't say this is what happened because obviously there's no proof. There's no evidence there was a verdict. But I think you'll be able to walk away and say, I don't think that we're gonna not so much cast doubt, but you'll draw your own conclusion. And if we do our job right, everybody will kind of get the gist of what we're trying to say.

[Brian Bishop]

It was very suspicious. But the problem was, is he'd been drinking pretty good and they'd been fighting pretty good. And it's just when you lead into it with that, it just kind of puts a thousand questions, and then you put it in another country. And now all bets are either way, a very exciting fighter, very exciting personality. And just one of those things where, you know, he probably never had the raw talent of, you know, Floyd Mayweather or some Sugar Ray Leonard or someone like that, but just his heart was so incredible, and his heart was so incredible that he could be an amazing fighter. But at a certain point, your heart. Heart can't take you past a certain point in the talent department. You can't do anything with Floyd Jr. Because all the heart in the world is not going to make up for that hand speed.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I was at the Gatti Mayweather fight in Atlantic City, and that's where a fighter's heart starts to become a problem.

[Brian Bishop]

Because they start getting hurt. Yeah. It's like, just sit down.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I understand now in Rocky, when Mickey was telling Rocky stay down as a kid, I never understood him. Like, why would he tell Rocky to stay down? It's that fighter's heart that, toward the end, could be his worst enemy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. So Entourage, can you give us anything about Entourage in terms of plot or story or any tidbits that are okay to discuss? Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Sasha Grey didn't give us anything. Adam Aster.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Sasha Gray didn't give you anything.

[Brian Bishop]

Except for herpes.

[Jerry Ferrara]

All right, here's what I could give you. I mean, they can't fire me. I guess at this point, it picks up where the show left off, where Vince was going off on this journey to. To get married, which sounds like a awful celebrity, quick marriage type situation. It picks up a few months after that, and we, you know, Doug did a great job of raising the stakes because now, once again, we are all in on a specific movie, which I won't give too much details about that. And.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, so there's a movie within the movie then? Like. Like the playing one. Sorry, Pablo. Yeah.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Which always works because I've always. Kevin Connolly and I always play this game, which is kind of fun. It's like the fantasy football version of, like, the Vincent Chase career. I mean, first of all, he really would be broke right now. We've gone through, like, the quote unquote, Vincent Chase movies.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Jerry Ferrara]

And the way he spends his money and he's been in a few flops, many. He was a flop.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, he has not got some of that Aquaman money coming in. Right.

[Jerry Ferrara]

It is always fun playing the. How much money does Vince And Chase have at this point is he broke.

[Brian Bishop]

I love when they went to the Valley to see Aquaman.

[Jerry Ferrara]

That is a lot of people's favorite episode. The blackouts. The Rolling Blackouts.

[Brian Bishop]

The rolling Blackouts and Johnny Drama needing to hydrate. It just always cracks me up. All right. Also, co founder of Fat Sal's Deli in Westwood, and I've not had a Fat Sal sandwich in Hollywood or San Diego yet. But now I'm intrigued. Look at the menu right now. Officially intrigued.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm looking at the menu right now.

[Brian Bishop]

You are?

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty good. How much influence does it have over the menu and all that stuff?

[Jerry Ferrara]

I by no means know my way around the kitchen at all. So the design was done by one of our other partners, Josh Stone and the Sal of Fat Sals. I remember when they asked me to make the Fat Jerry. The whole premise behind the shop is it's literally anything and everything on a sandwich. And I'm just naming stuff. I think it was like, six in the morning, and those guys were on, like, some weird juice cleanse. So they were starving. And, I mean, I put, like, eggs, bacon, French fries. It's a heart attack on the sandwich in the best way possible.

[Adam Carolla]

And I remember also mozzarella sticks, fried chicken.

[Brian Bishop]

Duh.

[Adam Carolla]

And cheese stick.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I remember saying, guys, we could put this all on a sandwich. They're like, we think so. It was kind of like I was asking for, like, blueprints on the design of a building. We could put this all on the sandwich. Yeah, we're pretty confident.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm looking at Fat Joey right now, and I'm seeing pastrami, turkey. But then I see the melted Swiss and the coleslaw on the Russian dressing. The coleslaw on the sandwich. Wildly underrated in the Russian dressing, too, with the pastrami. And something about the turkey evens it out just a little bit. But that I'm looking at. I'm going for the Fat Joey next time.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Well, as a thank you to having me on, I mean, one thing I can do is I could send some sandwiches up your way.

[Brian Bishop]

Put me down for Fat Joey. All right, thank you very much. All right, Jerry, hang in. Let's do some news. You can crack wise, and we'll have some fun. All right, the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Romany Malco]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so controversy is surrounding Chicago's Water Saver faucet company's bathroom break policy.

[Brian Bishop]

Aha.

[Allison Rosen]

Teamsters Local 4. I mean, excuse me, 743, filed a complaint with the National Labor Relations Board claiming that Water Saver unfairly disciplined 19 workers in June for what they're calling excessive use of the washrooms. The company's human resources department described excessive use of the bathroom as 60 minutes or more over the last 10 working days, which works out to be about six minutes a day.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't you feel like everyone is hitting the head twice as much as they used to because everyone has a big Starbucks cup in their hand at all times? Like, first off, there was no such thing as a commuter mug when I was a kid. There was your mug that you finished when you were at your house and then you got in your fucking car. But we didn't trip.

[Allison Rosen]

We didn't have the 16 or 32.

[Brian Bishop]

Ounces of gallon of everything with us. And then at a certain point when we were done with the morning coffee, there was no midday 18 ounce full of ice with the straw on it, the dome lid. Like everyone is walking around with a bag of water, bottled water, whatever. It's all, it's in everyone's hands all the time.

[Allison Rosen]

Like your grandmother's china set. Yours, Adam, specifically, if your grandmother had a china set. When someone gives you. Gives me one of those coffee cups, I'm like, you've got to be kidding me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's two.

[Allison Rosen]

I need two more of these.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So everybody is now consuming everything all the time. Like, I just feel like there's a breakfast bar and a travel mug in everyone's hand at all times every day, all day. So as far as the bathroom goes, you just do the math.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, not only that, the HR department of the company, what they, they say they don't have evidence, but their suspicion is that people are going in there and using their phone and texting and there's also that. So extra time is being wasted that way. So. But apparently the controversy goes back to last winter when Water Saver installed swipe card systems on bathrooms located off the factory floor.

[Brian Bishop]

Swipe was an ass crack.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Is that sanitary? That doesn't sound like a sanitary system.

[Allison Rosen]

It was like a fart mapping device. That's how you get in. It's a special magic eye. The company said it had little choice because employees were spending way too much time in there and not enough time on the manufacturing line. Water Saver CEO said 120 hours of production were lost. In May, because of bathroom visits outside of allotted break times and such recoup lost hours, they adopted a reward system where workers can earn a gift card of up to $20 a month, which is actually $1 a day for Metamucil, if they don't use the bathroom at all during work time. But the union said that monitoring bathroom time is an invasion of privacy. And the company has spreadsheets on every employee regarding how long they're in the bathroom.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, if you hold your tongue and say spreadsheet, it's gonna sound very applicable.

[Allison Rosen]

Apparently there's meetings with workers and human resources where workers had. Where the workers had to explain what they were doing in the bathroom.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Nothing sacred anymore, I guess, huh?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. Like I, you know, I'm a business owner, every time I come in someone's shitting around here. I don't like it myself.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a bad policy for an institute.

[Brian Bishop]

I wonder if the. I wonder if because everyone is 100 pounds heavier than they were a hundred years ago, except for Jerry over here, 100 pounds lighter.

[Allison Rosen]

But everyone else wants us to gain more weight though.

[Brian Bishop]

I wonder if everyone's just walking around eating more, shitting more, drinking more, pissing more, sweating more. Yeah.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Doesn't everyone tell you how many times you heard, like, you gotta hydrate. I feel like everyone's always telling me to friggin hydrate.

[Brian Bishop]

It's insane. It's way too much. Look, you drink when you're thirsty. It's like I say to my wife all the time because it's always like, hey, eat, eat, eat. Not me. The kids care about me. But I'd say, look, if they're hungry, they'll eat. If you're thirsty, you'll drink. That's how you're wired. Your body knows when you hear these guys and they go, you should be drinking an ounce for every. It's like, how much do you weigh? I weigh 190 pounds. Okay. Okay. So you should be drinking 190 ounces of. I should be drinking a gallon of water a day? Absolutely, you should be at least a gallon of water. And it's like, why? We're not moving, we're not roofers. We're fucking sitting in air conditioning.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the super skinny people with the crazy fast metabolisms that are doing the most damage in the bathroom. It's counterintuitive.

[Brian Bishop]

Interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

But I think it is.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I get on board with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Fondalier, what do you think?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Either way I see it from Both sides. Because on one hand, look, if you want to use the bathroom, use the bathroom. On the other hand, if you're going to start abusing it, then I'm going to be pissed off. I'm running a company. I don't know. I don't know what the answer is, but are they picketing? I saw a picture of them out front. Picketing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they're holding signs, I think. Let me see what the signs say. Stop bathroom harassment. Start bargaining. I would love to respect dignity. Just. I can't read the other one. Respect and dignity.

[Brian Bishop]

I would love to build a time machine and bring in every guy from the turn of the century that was trying to break when they brought the scabs in with the bats to bust up the unions down on the docks, or the ones that were doing the civil rights marches where they're getting. And fire hosed and they have German shepherds and they're like, what are you guys picketing? You know, the bathroom. Yeah, we only get 20 minutes a day on the commode.

[Adam Carolla]

In the black bathroom or the white bathroom?

[Brian Bishop]

No, they just have one now. I think it's all the black bathroom now. But anyway, we picked one and they limit you. You understand? It's attack. It's an attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Be a tough sell.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know you guys had Jimmy Hoffman, his thugs coming in there, hitting you with softball bats and lots of cocktails thrown into your ranks and stuff. But we. Sometimes they only use single ply toilet paper. Sometimes it's not a double ply. It's not quilted as specified in the contract. I like Charmin. I'm a Charmin man. They don't have Charmin. They go with some off brand. I think they get it at Costco. One time I went in there, they're out of ass liners. I had to build my own little makeshift ass gasket out of multiple pieces. And again, this was not quilted. This was dual ply, but it was not quilted. I had to build my own. And then they have the soap dispenser, but it's not the automatic one. You have to pump the thing, you know, like an animal.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it the granulated stuff or clocks.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Ticking the whole time?

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's pre foam. It's pre foam, but it's not granulated. We're not animals.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a tough sell.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're fighting. Oh, yeah, we're all just fat and fighting for our rights to shit. Okay, all right. This is what.

[Allison Rosen]

But they pointed out that the workers don't get paid sick leave. So people are showing up when they're sick, and that involves extra bathroom. To me, that is not what's going on, though. It's not that someone's in there for 13 minutes because they're sick. It's the people are on their phone in the bathroom room.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm just saying, it's one of those things where you go, okay, unions, are they good or are they bad? Well, they were good because they used to lock people up into sweatshops and there'd be fires and they couldn't get out, and they'd die in these old buildings and stuff, and they'd be beaten to death. I mean, they literally would be killed. If you went on strike and you're doing it against Carnegie Steel or something, they just come in there with thugs and they start shooting into the crowd. The cops were on the payroll, like, yes, we need unions for all these reasons. And now you see a bunch of people picketing because they can't use the commode as much as they'd like to. And they go, all right, maybe. Maybe the pendulum is swung a little too far in the other direction.

[Allison Rosen]

That's all I'm saying. But if Jack Silver was keeping tabs on how. How long you spent in the bathroom, Adam, wouldn't that piss you off?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I would. But if I ran a company that had like, 500 employees and I felt like they're all on the grift in the commode, like, texting, fucking around, meanwhile, they weren't working the conveyor belt or whatever, and that translated into several million, $2 million at the end of each year or quarter, whatever that was, down the toilet, literally, I'd be pissed off. Like, I'd have to. To enact something. I don't know where the fucking balance is. I've said it a million times. Listen, get your fucking loins on. On the. On the clock. Get it figured out. Take your morning shit. We've talked about this a bunch, right? Now, look, in Hollywood, your call times, all different times, you can't get your fucking. No, you can't get your bowels on a clock.

[Jerry Ferrara]

It's impossible.

[Brian Bishop]

But when you have a normal gig, and that normal gig as 9 to 5 or 7 to 3:30 or whatever it is, acclimate, have your morning cup of coffee, have your cereal, take your shit, and then go to work.

[Jerry Ferrara]

It's been done like that for a lot of years.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how grandpa used to do it.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's a question of, do you want to Shit, when it's me time or when you're on the clock, I.

[Brian Bishop]

Would ask that out of common decency for your fellow workers. Shit. Shit in your own domicile and then go into work. Also for you too. So we don't see the recognizing. Hey, the guy with the PF flyer high tops. I guess that's Brad. I guess he's taking a shit in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking Brad.

[Brian Bishop]

It's weird. I mean, just. Doesn't everyone. Isn't it everyone's goal to shit at home? Is that everyone's goal? Does anyone want to shit?

[Allison Rosen]

Are the people who use the bathroom before me here?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Matt has a medical condition. I mean, he's not to be held. Shit atitis, whatever it is. He has a note from his doctor we cannot go by Matt. But what I'm saying is, isn't it most people's goal to shit in the comfort, safety and privacy of their own home?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I know there's a lot of people. There's a lot of people who ask.

[Brian Bishop]

We're only gonna do 21 minutes on shitting.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, I have the segment just me or everyone on the.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that your podcast, Jim, where people.

[Allison Rosen]

Write in and talk about things that it's just them or everyone. And some people cannot use a public restroom for nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

God. Awesome. God bless those hero with the super shy anuses. I'm saying, I think it's everyone's goal to shit at home.

[Allison Rosen]

Now what do you do on a set? Because you're not even supposed to shit in the honey wagon, right?

[Brian Bishop]

There's nothing worse than the trailer. Because the trailer, you have a toilet, there's no water in it. And they give you a little finger stream to literally try to blast your own Duke off with this thing. You know the things that go in the sink that pull out and for spraying the dishes off? Oh, yeah, that's what they want you to. Jerry. You know what I'm talking about. That's what they want you to do.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I have so many shit stories running through my head right now. Someone actually played the worst practical joke on me ever and took a shit in my trailer and turned the heat on. And my call time wasn't till like noon. Had a late call time. And they would actually. I mean, I had no trailer for a week and a half.

[Brian Bishop]

That's.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I just have shit stories going through my brain now, too. He had this one buddy, every time we were younger, at 18, we go out to a club. The kid at the minute we got in the club, I got shit. You get nervous. Need shit in the club.

[Brian Bishop]

In the club, we have to guard.

[Jerry Ferrara]

The door to please stand in front of the door so no one comes in.

[Brian Bishop]

I.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Now I just got shit. I mean, I get.

[Brian Bishop]

But the point. My point is.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

Keep them coming.

[Brian Bishop]

Everybody would like everyone, including themselves, to shit at home before they came to work, right?

[Jerry Ferrara]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And if your call time is at noon, but then the following day your call times at 6am, I will not blame you. I will give your anus a pass.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Jet lag. It's, it's, it's shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Jet lag we can't get on a calendar or clock. But when you're working that factory floor in your year, number 13 of a gig that starts at 8am every fucking morning, Monday through Friday, you know what you're doing. Take your shit in the morning, work your bowels out, get them on the clock and figure it out. Then once you offload at home, you can go in and take a piss a couple of times, but there should be no real long term bathroom breaks. Thank you. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Do you remember we talked about rapper Andre Johnson who cut off his own penis and then jumped from the roof of a Los Angeles building? We talked about him kind of recently.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

So story out today, the headline is rapper Andre Johnson and explains why he severed his penis. Now, are you. As I am. Well, what are you expecting? Because I was expecting something that kind of made sense. Instead, here's what we got.

[Brian Bishop]

You were.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's a quote. Yeah, well, more sense than this.

[Brian Bishop]

We talk, but it's an interesting thing because people do the most insane thing imaginable. And for a guy, cutting off your dick is the most insane act imaginable. There's no more imaginable insane act than cutting your own dick off. And then we want some very real answers.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I didn't think there was anything that was gonna really make sense, like. Oh, yeah, no, I would do that in that situation too. I just mean my curiosity was piqued to hear how he tried to explain.

[Jerry Ferrara]

It, how he got there.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, is he a real rapper or does he like sell out of the back of his car? Like, is he.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I can't wait to hear how he raps about this one.

[Allison Rosen]

Gary, looks like you have some influence.

[Brian Bishop]

He was formerly a member of a group that was kind of a subset of a semi popular rap group.

[Allison Rosen]

So no Wu Tang, right? Yeah, he was very tangentially related to.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, a Wu Tang sponsored group that never really.

[Allison Rosen]

But Wu Tang came out and said, like, he's not.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Not One of us didn't claim him after this act.

[Allison Rosen]

No. Okay, yes, I was doing drugs that night, but I was in complete control. I cut it off because that was the root of all my problems. My solution to the problem was the realization that sex is for mortals and I am a God. Those kinds of activities got me into trouble, and I came here to be a God. So that clears it up, right?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so he's insane. Although he's onto something with the cock getting you in trouble.

[Allison Rosen]

But he said he hasn't spoken out on the incident before now because, quote, people perceive me as crazy. So I never wanted to speak wholeheartedly on the matter.

[Brian Bishop]

Right now, they were not able to reunite him with his honker, were they?

[Allison Rosen]

They were not. But he's okay. And he said that he didn't want to kill himself. Quote, that was just my response to the demons. They were doing their best to get to me, but being alive solidified my thoughts. I'm alive. Penis or no penis.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. What?

[Allison Rosen]

You know, what's there?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I'm guessing there's nothing. Not a lot there. I mean, I'm guessing it's like when you get your finger caught in a press or something and they just have to kind of take it back to where it's not been crushed or severed or whatever. And then that's what's left. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

See, like, didn't Lorena Bobbitt only cut off the tip of his penis? Just the tip, or was it more. Because I feel like an interesting thing about cutting off penises is I didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Hear it that way.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe I'm wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

They were able to retrieve it.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like no matter how much you cut off, whether she's a little or a lot, that's referred to as cutting off the penis.

[Brian Bishop]

Her, I. They cut. I think John Wayne Bobbitt got his whole dick cut off and she, like, threw it in a field and window went and found it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Be funny less than the whole penis.

[Brian Bishop]

Be funny, you know, if he had a sense of humor. If when they found it, they brought it back and he went, oh, not my dick. Not. I mean, that's a fine dick.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. Thanks, that'll do.

[Brian Bishop]

There's nothing wrong with this dick. Yeah, she was in her car, and, yes, she was traveling down that street and, yes, she threw it out the window. I guess you're looking at it, but that's a different dick.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I think. I know.

[Brian Bishop]

I know it seems like a weird coincidence, and I wouldn't blame you for Thinking I was lying. But that was not my cock.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I see it all on panic attack right now.

[Brian Bishop]

I think I know my cock. Okay, now, that being said, if that in fact is the only cock you found, I will take it.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll do.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Has anyone else claimed it?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And by the way, can you put it on upside down? You know, just facing up? You know what I mean? Because first off, just as a novelty.

[Adam Carolla]

How about facing sideways?

[Brian Bishop]

I just like that. Just spinning around 180 degrees and just, you know, I'd be the only. First of all, I don't feel like there's any sense to having it be that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like I might be able to bring a woman more pleasure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And they're certainly not going to work at that point.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? The plumbing's about the same. Yeah. So I don't know what's left of his, but I guess they just got to get it worked out right for the listener.

[Allison Rosen]

All of us are cringing right now and squinting.

[Brian Bishop]

Says the entire thing was cut off. By the way, if I was the surgeon for Bobbitt. Oh, okay. Yeah. Or I don't know if it's a rapper or whatever, but I would be the world's worst dick reattachment surgeon. Okay. Because I'd be like, yeah, it's never gonna work. And they're like, well, don't you want to see the dick? No, I got a pretty good feeling. I've been in this business for a long time. I've seen a lot of cocks, and I'm just. This one's just not gonna work.

[Jerry Ferrara]

Like, you've never actually gotten one back on. That's what you do for a living. But you've never successfully reattached one.

[Allison Rosen]

The world's most untouched, successful, and only look, reattaching.

[Brian Bishop]

We could spend a lot of time, a lot of money, and it could be a lot of brow dabbing for the next four hours while you try to reattach this guy's cock, only to have it get gangrene and fall off at some point. Or we could just call it a night.

[Adam Carolla]

Doc, you have to understand, this is very important to me. Can you at least give it a shot?

[Brian Bishop]

You know, like I said, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm going to say this time it doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you to want at least see?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, take a look at this. I got a tea time at noon.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to see this.

[Brian Bishop]

I got a tea time. I don't got to see it. I've seen cocks.

[Adam Carolla]

Just look.

[Brian Bishop]

First off, just look. Let me ask you this. Can I ask you this?

[Adam Carolla]

Only if you look.

[Brian Bishop]

What happened to his cock. Did he chop it off with his own hand or did a crazy pelican come down and snatch it from his groin?

[Adam Carolla]

Closer to the second one.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, if he did it to himself, then that's on him. And I got a teeth time, by the way. Do you want this guy with a cock?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, that's what I'm asking. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

My brother's friend's hand was cut off and they touched it. His whole hand.

[Brian Bishop]

Should have paid that book his money back.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it was. He. They were. They knew each other from both having been in the theater department. And I think he was still doing something in the theater because it was. It was in Las Vegas, and it was a stage that had this hydraulic lift, and when. When it sensed motion, it was supposed to stop.

[Adam Carolla]

Worst Penn and Teller act ever.

[Allison Rosen]

So he was showing someone, look how it stops, but it didn't stop. Took his hand off, but they were able to reattach it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like Total Recall.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think he has a lot of use of it. Sorry, Adam. I know you don't want to.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I'm gonna pass out, guys. I'm gonna pass out.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll get back to the shit. Yes.

[Jerry Ferrara]

I'm gonna pass out.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. It's one of those things where it's never a good story. It's never like, well, an episode. Elf came down with a velvet knife in his sleep. Like, it's never that. It's always something horrific. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. All right. Evoice, baby. Oh, man. You want to run your business and look like a big shot and a pro, you go with Evoice. It's a better way to connect with your clients. You can use your own toll free number, professional greeting, dial by name directory, and more. You can transform any phone into your business phone. And you get your customer calls sent to you wherever you are. Home, office, bar, wherever you are. And it's under $13. And right now, for a limited time, you can try it for 60 days. That's right, 60 days. Let's not put this off. Try it. Free 60 days. Go to evoice.com, set up your free 60 day trial. That's evoice.com promo code ACE. And try it out for two months for free. All right, let's do one.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, your favorite Media personality, Jenny McCarthy, has announced that she'll be hosting a live limited run hourly Sirius XM series. She said, it's no secret that I love the talk. I'm excited to do, to do it on Sirius XM without having to interrupt anyone or keep things clean. So, you know, she's not on the View anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Landing on her feet. The show will be called Dirty Sexy funny with Jenny McCarthy and friends. It takes its name from her live all female comedy tour. Some guests will be.

[Brian Bishop]

She also made a piece of shit movie that had the name like Dirty Love or something like that. I tell you all the time, when somebody writes, stars in and directs a movie and it's a piece of shit, then they suck. That's it. There's no like, well, the director was bad or the script was bad or the. It's like you write, you direct, you produce, you starring and you have a piece of shit. Then you are a horrible comedian. Which she is. Because you can do whatever you want. You have a blank sheet of paper. We'll figure it out. But yeah, it's.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, this is her. Like you've never heard her before.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Allison Rosen]

She said, I am not holding anything back.

[Brian Bishop]

This thing where the hot blondes have.

[Adam Carolla]

Gone back up until now, pretty much.

[Brian Bishop]

It'S like hot blondes talking about farting and we're all supposed to just go, oh, she's so hot, but she's so real. Like, she's talking about. She's all this horny and she's like talking dirty and she's talking about this thing. It's this thing. I can't. It fucking bothers the shit out of me. They know it's this hot blonde thing and they're going to talk about something that's a little nasty and a little revealing and a little whatever and that's supposed to be titillating, but if you took that same conversation and just put it in. In a dumpy chick's mouth, no one would want to listen. Right? Thus the content is not there. It's where it's coming from. But then this is a radio show, so who gives a fuck?

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. I don't give a shit. Can't stand her. She's such a fucking zero. She's just a zero. And as I've said, I did her fucking candies. Charity spent a whole weekend doing it. She told me. Yeah, tell me how Dirty Love did on Rotten Tomatoes. She told me she'd do anything for me and then stiffed me. Stood us up when we sent a car for her on Loveline. Like, twice in a row. Which was rare, by the way. The sending the car and the standing up part.

[Adam Carolla]

But sending the car. That didn't happen all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no. All right, so she made a movie. Now we have to figure out, Gary, did she write and star in and direct or did she just write and star in or.

[Adam Carolla]

Looks like.

[Brian Bishop]

Just wrote and starred in. She wrote and starred in. All right. Amongst the top critics, it got what on Rotten Tomatoes?

[Adam Carolla]

Zero percent.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, so she sucks. There you go. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosenberg. Zip it, cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. The good news about chicks like that is they're fairly talentless, so they'll just kind of drift off, you know, they'll slough off as they get older.

[Allison Rosen]

Because she has hung on for a long time.

[Brian Bishop]

I know it's annoying. She's been, I think, skating on her looks for a long time, and eventually they'll just fucking dry up and go away.

[Adam Carolla]

You hear that, Allison?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Cannot.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't tell in what way to be insulted, but I feel like I.

[Brian Bishop]

Should be, cosmically and totality and all.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, literally and figuratively.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's see us, Irvine. Coming up July 31st. San Diego's coming up August 6th. Two shows. Vague. Treasure island on the 29th. Come on out and say hi. And also. Let's see. Well, we'll get to the rest of it. You can go to the. Go to my homepage. Go to annamcroll.com if you want to find out any dates, any live events, any place we're gonna be, because we're gonna be just about everywhere. Oh, I should say the dfg, the def frat guy is gonna do some Mangria appearances in Portland, Maine. And that's. Oh, today and tonight. I did not know that. At Friendly Discount Beverage. And then also. What is that second one?

[Adam Carolla]

Rivalries.

[Brian Bishop]

Rivalries. Oh, Sports Pub and Grill. Ah, now it makes sense. 3 and 7 o' clock today and tonight, so do not miss that. Go out there and say dfg. All right, Jerry Ferrara, everyone. Bad for business. It is. New podcast available on itunes. And Kevin Connolly gonna be in there from Entourage. Also movie Think like a man 2 out in theaters as we speak. And then when the whole Arturo Gotti thing comes out and Entourage comes out, please come back and plug, plug, plug away. Twitter, Erryc Ferrar, if you like, like. And until next time, Adam Kroll for David Wilde, Jerry Ferrara, Allison Rosen, and Ball Bryan saying, mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

Blow jobs don't go down easy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that was adam Kroll show 1368. That does it for today's cruel classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, mahalo and get it on.

[Chris Law]

Sam.