Ron Funches + Gary Sinise (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Carolla Classics: Ron Funches + Gary Sinise Date: February 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode celebrates the 17th anniversary of The Adam Carolla Show by airing popular and fan-favorite segments from the archives. The show features two standout guests: comedian Ron Funches in-studio, discussing comedy, parenting, and the subtle art of tipping; and actor/humanitarian Gary Sinise, who delves into his passion for service, military support, and the pursuit of purpose. Interwoven throughout: Carolla’s signature comedic rants, insightful banter, and the team’s high-energy Rotten Tomatoes and Hollywood memorabilia games.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Show Milestones & Podcasting Marathon

• Host Giovanni introduces the episode celebrating 17 years since the first Adam Carolla Show recording, noting Adam’s longest job surpassing radio, TV, and construction.
• “To consume the entire Adam Carolla Show at once speed would take over 300 days of non-stop listening.” (00:58, Giovanni)

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2. Old-School TV, Comedy, and Late-Night Host Deep Dives (02:30–13:17)

• Adam reminisces about his early career, meetings with producers like Daniel Kellison and TV’s late-night ‘host lottery’, including test runs for figures like Chris Spencer and Sinbad.
• Extended tangent about ‘Heckle and Jeckle’ as a metaphor gone wrong on Sinbad’s show, including the confusion over Cockney vs. Brooklyn accents.
• “If I cut the paper in half and mixed them up… I shall pay you $1 million if you can identify which one is Heckle and which one is Jeckle.” (08:24, Adam)

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3. The Art & Ethics of Tipping (14:21–43:01)

The Tipping Showdown Story

• Adam retells a notorious vacation dinner story with Cousin Sal and Daniel ‘Two Sheets’ Kellison, centering on a $701 dinner bill in Maui and the pressure to overtip.
• Highlights:
  • Adam insists on 20% (“I always give 20%. Whatever the number is, I just go two times...” – 34:33).
  • Daniel pushes for a much larger tip in the name of generosity and “the holiday spirit.”
  • Lively debate over whether tipping should be based on effort, meal price, or occupation, with Adam railing against inflated gratuities for “unskilled” labor.

Notable Quote:

"You have tapped out of life… You have decided to not possess a skill. People do this thing all day, ‘well these guys are hardworking, they’re noble’. No, they’re not… Why is it so important to me that 43-year-old loser guy… needs to make triple an hour what journeyman carpenter or… a nurse?” (29:09, Adam)

• Counterpoint: Daniel’s live call-in argues for spreading luck via big tips: “I thought it was great service and we should give $200 because it's the holidays… I'm a socialist at heart. We're lucky and have the ability to leave a nice impact.” (79:28, Daniel)

Meta-Wisdom:

• Both stories finish with Adam standing firm on ‘even but not excessive’ tips and using the tale to reflect on societal expectations around service labor, privilege, and gratitude.

Funny Exchanges:

• On the ‘danger’ of raising spoiled children: “Only time they should eat lobster is if they’re lost at sea.” (24:17, Daniel)
• Adam’s childhood: Sizzler as ‘fine dining’ and his lack of knowledge about “upper sheets.” (12:40, Adam)

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4. Ron Funches In-Studio: Comedy, Autism, and Healthy Living (59:04–92:34)

• Ron shares his journey from Portland roots to comedy stardom, explaining his choice to shoot his special ‘Giggle Fit’ in Seattle—a city that embraced him early.
• The group discusses the lack of a comedy scene in the San Fernando Valley, gentrification, and Adam’s ‘river of life’ metaphor for Ventura Blvd.

Parenting & Autism:

• Ron describes raising his autistic son Malcolm—diagnosed moderate/severe at age 2—and the family’s experiences with behavioral and sensory therapy.
• Conversation on autism’s dietary interventions and the value of just ‘trying things’ for one’s health:
  • “I’m not looking to cure autism, but… get progress and get better. The more his diet changes... the more it seems to help him speak and get his words out.” (70:28, Ron)
• Adam ties in broader ‘why not just do it’ philosophy to diet, recycling, and daily life.

Comedic Riffs and Banter:

• Ron on The Rock: “Maybe I am a Rock bottom, I don't know.” (59:40, Ron)
• Ron and Adam bond over growing up in rough neighborhoods; Adam’s gritty construction job history.

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5. Working Hard vs. Working Smart (88:38–91:34)

• Spirited analysis of ‘hard work’ yielding diminishing returns versus learning to work ‘smarter not harder’—especially in comedy and unskilled labor.
• “Roofers work hard. They get paid much less than Mark Geragos gets paid. He sits in air conditioning, he takes private jets. But he figured it out… you get paid for working smart.” (89:27, Adam)

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6. Rotten Tomatoes Game with Ron Funches (99:19–116:24)

• Lively, competitive guessing game where the crew (Adam, Gina, Brian, Ron) tries to nail critic scores for January movie releases.
  • Ron opens with “Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood.”
• Animated debates about movie quality vs. box office and film ‘nerds’ driving prices up for memorabilia.
• Gina wins handily on both the Rotten Tomatoes and ‘Hollywood Hand Me Downs’ games.

Memorable Moment:

• “Ron, you played a great game… That was a big ass swing there, man.” (116:14, Adam, after Ron guesses ‘White Noise’ at 82% when it’s 7%)

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7. Gary Sinise: Purpose, Patriotism & Service (139:30–153:57)

Military Charity & Band

• Gary discusses the formation of The Gary Sinise Foundation, playing 30+ concerts a year exclusively for military benefit, and a charity auction for a Jeep refurbished by the team from ‘Fast & Loud’.
• His memoir "Grateful American: A Journey from Self to Service" explores moving from “self” to a life of purpose through service to veterans.

Key Perspective:

“Service work gives life purpose, you know, a greater purpose.” (153:02, Sinise)

• Adam and Gary contrast fleeting ‘happiness’ with the more substantial satisfaction of having a purpose.

Patriotism & Critique of American Self-Flagellation

• Adam’s monologue: “Literally walking in your house and just looking for anything, any crumb on the ground, is a direct path to unhappiness... We are obsessed with how bad this country either is or was.”
• Gary’s global perspective: “When you go to the border between North and South Korea... the people in the back behind me are free... The people over here are slaves. They have no concept of what freedom is.” (161:33)

Military Volunteers & National Service

• Adam questions the ‘bring them all home’ narrative, noting many service members are proud professionals who want to serve.
• Gary: “We have an all-volunteer military. If you don't want to be there, you wouldn’t sign up.” (169:51)

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8. Hollywood Hand Me Downs – Memorabilia Prices Game (185:01–202:26)

• Adam, Gary, Gina, Brian compete to guess the auction prices of iconic Hollywood props (e.g., Jules Winnfield’s “Bad Motherfucker” wallet, Brody’s glasses from Jaws, Jurassic Park tooth, Wolverine claws).
• Banter about the strangeness of nerd-driven memorabilia prices, the effect of charity auctions, and what’s truly iconic.
• Gina clinches the win with sharp bidding logic.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Big Tippers:
  Adam: “...if you’re as much into tipping as you say you are, and nobody’s fucking working harder at that hotel than the guy working the omelet bar… slip that guy a 20 on the last day.” (83:09)
• Ron on Comedy & Living in the Valley:
  “...one of the reasons I live in the Valley now, so that I can go in to Hollywood and do stuff and then come back and just walk around my neighborhood.” (62:52)
• Gary Sinise on Service:
  “The generosity of the American people who support the Gary Sinise Foundation… we provide entertainment much like the USO does.” (141:46)
• Adam on ‘The River of Life’:
  “Ventura Blvd. is the river of life. The further you get away from that river, the tougher it is to hang on.” (64:14)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro & Show Milestones: 00:15–01:47
• Heckle & Jeckle, Late-Night TV/Comedy Industry: 02:30–13:17
• Tipping Debate: 14:21–43:01, picks up with Daniel Kellison call-in at 76:08
• Ron Funches Interview/Parenting/Autism: 59:04–92:34
• Smart vs. Hard Work Discussion: 88:38–91:34
• Rotten Tomatoes Game: 99:19–116:24
• Gary Sinise Interview: 139:30–153:57
• Hollywood Hand Me Downs Memorabilia Game: 185:01–202:26

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Summary & Tone

The episode deftly balances uproarious comedic rants (tipping, accidental parenting, the absurd overvaluation of memorabilia), sincere explorations of parenting and service (Ron’s open-hearted talk about raising an autistic son, Gary’s purpose-driven philanthropy), and the group’s sharp commentary on American culture, work, and gratitude. Adam and guests maintain an irreverent, direct, and engaging conversational style, spiced with sharp jabs, self-effacing humor, and the unvarnished honesty that characterizes the show’s long-standing appeal.

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For New Listeners

Expect a high-energy mix of nostalgia, pop culture barbs, honesty about American life, and heartwarming guest stories about family, purpose, and making a difference—punctuated by raucous comics-in-a-garage banter and practical debate over the real value of a tip or a prop from Raging Bull.

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. Today is officially the 17th anniversary of the first recording of the Adam Carolla show, the 23rd being the first release date. With over 4,000 episodes and literally thousands of guests, this is Adam Carolla's longest running job he's ever had. Beyond construction, comedy, traffic school, even his early improv days, even all of his jobs in radio. 10 years at Loveline, 3 years and 2 months at the morning show time on Kevin and Bean. This now exceeds all of it. To consume the entire Adam Carolla show at once speed would take over 300 days of non stop listening. If you'd like to gain access to the ad free history of Corolla Classics, make sure to check out podcast one and sign up. If you want the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show every episode, all 4,000 plus or the Adam and Dr. Drew show all 2,000 plus episodes. Or if you'd like exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcurla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip from all 17 years of the show's history, please email us classicsamcroll.com now on to the clips coming up first we have Adam Carollo Show 2481 with Ron Funches, Daniel Kellison, Gina Grad and Brian Bishop from 2019. Ron was recently on the US version of the Traitors and it looks like he's going to be highly featured in the upcoming reunion episode. So it's perfect timing to re air this one from the Vault. Hope you guys enjoy.

[B]

Thanks for telling a friend. Thanks for sharing. As we inch toward our 10th year, I'll get you guys caught up on some interesting stats involving that our show versus Loveline and others. Good day Gina Graham.

[C]

Good day to you.

[B]

Handball Brian. I'm crazy. I'm not insane. The show this half brought to you By [e-mail] Enter Adam [e-mail] and TrueCar. So things state of the Union stuff. Stuff to mop up from the vacation. I got notes all over the place. I have thoughts. Oh yeah, there's a flight back on things.

[C]

Oh dear God.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, big thing for me now. It's funny. So I used to go out with Danny Two sheets Uncle Buzzaboo Danny Kellison, who Was remind many years ago how we met when he was with Jon Stewart at the weenie roast, the K Rock weenie roast. And must have been 97. And he was walking around with Jon Stewart and he ran into me and Jimmy, who was Jimmy the sports guy. And I was Mr. Burcham. I was Adam from Loveline at that point. And we ran into Danny Two Sheets, who was working for Letterman, although he'd recently quit and come out here to do Rosie.

[D]

I'm just assuming he's playing in the background.

[B]

He's playing on the mainstream.

[D]

He's on stage.

[B]

The horrible thing about being a producer for Rosie is you have to fucking fire everyone every single day. Every single day. Grim reaper, super friendly, cutie patootie, Chub club. Rosie would have Danny fire somebody every single day.

[D]

She's throwing kushballs in the audience and

[B]

then she'd go back, fire the right half of the staff. Like, literally just had to fire. He hated his job because he had to fire people all day, every day that she needed fired all day, every day.

[D]

Problem I already signed up for.

[B]

Yeah, I know. We have a big plan of getting all the ladies in a position of power. I don't know, let's. Let's pump the brakes a little and think of that. The greatest plan.

[C]

If Rosie's the standard, let's get some

[B]

of them in a position of power. But I don't say, all right. Not have them all in a position of power. I do love this song.

[D]

It's a great song.

[B]

So he came out here, was funny. He came out here. Max Apata. You got to figure out who the original host of Vibe tv, it was like Quincy Jones Presents, you know, Vibe tv, He's a comedian who you've never heard of before and you never heard of since, but he was going to be hosting his own syndicated late night show back when it was like, oh, someone's got to replace Arsenio. And they had a Magic Johnson show and Alan Thicke. Thick of the night.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

And all that stuff. Sajak, you're right. Right. Everyone just got a shot at a late night show. Kenan. Oh, God, Kenan. Not Kevin Waynes. Yeah, Wayans. There was a Wayans. And I did them all. I know because I did them all. Me and Drew did the mugs, did them all. I did their shows. I did their test shows. Like, hey, we're gonna do a test show. Get in there. And he went from, I think Rosy to Vibe, but he went from Letterman, came out here to do Rosie, and then ended up being doing Vibe. Chris Spencer. That's right.

[D]

Oh, Chris.

[B]

No, I know. He's just sort of, we need a black comedian to do Vibe. And I remember doing a test show and I sort of said to Daniel, like, I don't think this guy's got it. Like, he was just really weak. Like there's a, there's a, there's a thing kind of like a football coach where you go, well, that guy doesn't have the technique, but he's a specimen. And I think with the right coaching and some, some snaps. He gets some snaps, he'll be coached up. Or then you see a guy who fires out, hits the blocking sled and falls back on his ass and you go, I don't know how much coaching we're going to be able to do with that guy.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Chris Spencer, who. I'd be curious. I think history was probably right.

[D]

Well, there's still time.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't say the guy flamed out. It was a failure. I'm just saying, like, I didn't see the next Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Arsenio Hall. Like, I wasn't feeling it during the test shows. I was like, this guy does not seem sharp, does not seem on his game. And I've not heard the name. It is one of these. He was a prominent enough stand up comedian to get the nod for when Quincy Jones and God knows who and Fox got together and go, we need a show called Vibe, the new late night. You know, we're gonna launch this thing big. You can't just be a nobody. You have to be somebody. But I just wasn't feeling it. He was quickly replaced by Sinbad. And then Drew and I did Sinbad. And that's where Sinbad's famous line, which I didn't stop and correct him on the air for. Sinbad is sitting there and he's going. He's like, oh, you and Dr. Drew, man, you're so different. So different. You're like Heckle and Jekyll.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

And I thought the two identical magpies.

[C]

You mean Heckle? Wait, he wasn't done with the sentence Heckle and Jekyll.

[B]

And I think he meant Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. But heckle and Jekyll seem to be too Cockney.

[C]

You're like Waldorf and Statler.

[B]

There were a couple of crows and they were. Spoke with like a Cockney accent, I think, and they seemed to be pretty identical. But I didn't stop and correct him. And I don't think many of the Vibe audience Members were gonna throw a chair at him or yell anything. But I do kind of remember they're physically. Heckyl and Jekyll are physically identical. They're physically. I should emphasize the word physically. Aesthetically there is no difference. The person who animated Heckle and Jekyll, if I cut the paper in half and put. And mix them up and said, I shall pay you $1 million if you can identify which one is Heckle and which one is Jekyll.

[D]

And they often moved in unison like there was no telling them apart. That was part of the gag. I thought.

[B]

Did one have like a cockney accent and the other one was from Brooklyn?

[D]

Now we're gonna investigate.

[C]

I feel like we'd remember that.

[B]

I just remember. That's all I remember about the show vibe was I did the rehearsal and I remember thinking, I don't think this kid Chris Spencer's got it. I didn't wanna say anything. I remember tell Daniel. I think, like, I don't know if he's up to this.

[C]

Did Daniel fight you on it at that?

[B]

They were Jekyll voiced by Bobcat.

[C]

No, I thought it was much older than that.

[B]

No, it's from the 40s or 50s. Like when Chris goes, yeah. Oh, wait a minute. It usually takes a full four seconds for you to be wrong. This is a new year, new me. Hey, don't get me wrong. I like the way you've streamlined. You're being wrong.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I like when you go from middleman. I like your self assured. Oh, yes to my bad.

[G]

If you ever question me, I'm just gonn wrong right away.

[B]

It's faster. Because eventually we'll get to you being wrong my way. We don't take a windy mountain road. We just take the flight of an arrow. Much more directly to you being wrong. All right, so originally, did Heckle and Jekyll have different sounding voices? I know one was sort of cockney sounding or maybe one was like Brooklyn sounding. But either way they were looney tunes.

[D]

Right.

[B]

They were like era, not sure. Yes, they're old Chris Spencer. What became of Chris Spencer? He probably a standup date somewhere.

[G]

Yeah, I mean, his Twitter says he's a comedian, not a comic. And then he. He just writes for various movies. He was in Don't Be a Menace.

[D]

He's in Blackish last year.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So he's acting around.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Small parts, but not. Not like what we're talking about. So. Yeah. Then we ran into Danny Two Sheets and we ran into him with Jon Stewart and Jimmy and I were friendly with Jon Stewart. And Daniel had been a fan of my work on Loveline, I think mtv. And so when we spotted those two walking around, we stopped and talked to them. And at some point, Jimmy found out that he'd worked on Letterman for a decade. And Jimmy worshiped Letterman. So anyone who worked at Letterman was okay by Jimmy, and especially when Jimmy had little to no standards back then because he wasn't doing much, maybe he was doing Win Ben Stein's money. And the plan was we needed to do a show called the Man Show. And once we'd found out that Danny 2 sheets had relocated from New York and was out here working on Vibe, I think the plan was, well, let's sit down and have some lunch and we'll tell you all about this concept called the Man Show. And then his thing was, is, that's great, but I'm kind of tied up doing Vibe. And we thought, well, that's not gonna go on forever. It was done in a few months, or he was fired in a few months, or maybe he was fired from Rosie in a few months. However it went, he got freed up. And then we launched in earnest in the Man Show. Now, Danny Two Sheets, of course, famously is called that because he stayed, when he was come back from New York, stayed at my house for a few months, and he wanted to know where the upper sheet was, which I had not heard of. So just one of those bad, bad familial things. The fact that it is kind of a. There are those little markers that you can kind of tell you're from the wrong side of the tracks. Like, when he was telling me, where's the upper sheet? I was confused. Like, have a sheet. You have a sheet. It's on the mattress, you know? And he's like, where's the other sheet? I'm like, what do you mean, two

[C]

fitted sheets on the mattress?

[B]

There's no other sheet. You're lucky to have the one sheet, you know? And he's like, well, what do I do for the upper sheet? I was like, upper sheet? Use a blanket. You have a blanket. What do you mean, another sheet? Like, And I thought he was insane. And I was 32. That's the sad. That's the sad part of my life.

[C]

And my first question is, well, why wouldn't you know when you buy a sheet set? Oh, you never bought a sheet set.

[B]

So, yeah, we had a big sign in my house. It said, no sheet, Sherlock. And it just meant you got the one fitted one, and you're lucky with that. Heckle. And Jekyll, one did speak with the cockney British accent and the other did speak with the Brooklyn. Oh, we gotta hear clip now. So they. They looked physically the same, but maybe Sinbad had taken a deep dive into Heckle and Jekyll in terms of. Couldn't be more different than. They walked in unison.

[I]

They.

[B]

They did everything in unison. I still don't think it was a great metaphor or example. So if only we could hear. Yeah, it's impossible, actually.

[G]

They don't talk that much, Brian. So we're trying to find this.

[B]

All right, so.

[G]

And Bobcat did the voice for when. When they came back with a late night show. Heckle and Jekyll, they. Bobcat was one of the voices. That's why I said that.

[B]

Yeah. They didn't have a late night show. Right.

[G]

Yeah, it's called Curbside. It was. It was a short, very short lived. It was just.

[B]

But it wasn't a Heckle and Jekyll late night show.

[G]

No, it was. They were the hosts.

[B]

Heckle and Jekyll.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What year?

[G]

99, I think.

[B]

Wow. Well, in the. As previously discussed, the. Everyone got a late night show and they're doing everything. But it can't be what you're thinking. Had to be some sort of adult. I looked at the most recent.

[D]

I was gonna say, could it possibly be like some. Something that. It's a Warner Brothers property. I assume because it's, you know, Bugs Bunny that world. I assume the WB maybe at some point was like, we got to get some on the air this some. The kids will be into it around the time. Family guy.

[B]

Right.

[D]

99. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Anyway.

[D]

Anyway.

[C]

All right, we've already spent too much time on this late night.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So Jekyll's late night.

[B]

So Danny, two sheets. His entire MO Is be a big tipper. You got a tip, you gotta be a big tipper. Be a big tipper. And he's right to a certain extent in that when you go to the resort, you go down to the pool and you go, hey, could we get a lounge chair and an umbrella? And the guy goes, oh, yeah, I'll set you up. You give the guy 20 bucks on the first day, and now he's working for you for the rest of the five days that you're there.

[D]

So you got a lot of potential tables or chairs, as it were.

[B]

Right. And I get the part where you walk in. In this arena, you're at a. You're at a resort, you're gonna be there for three, five, eight days, you give the valet 20 bucks right up front. And now that guy's kind of working for you for the rest. For the rest of the week, you're there. And same with the pool guy or the bartender or what have you. We have Heckle and Jekyll talking.

[C]

Everybody shut up. We have Heckle and Jekyll.

[B]

Hey, look.

[D]

Oh, that's Bob.

[E]

I say, old boy.

[B]

How about lift?

[E]

That's real nice of you, Jim.

[B]

Thanks. Yeah, all right.

[C]

Even those accents don't sound that.

[B]

No, but I different. I was right to you, but soon

[C]

he has a very fine ear.

[B]

All right, so Danny Two Sheets is always going nuts with the tipping, and I agree with him with the tipping. But his thing is, like, when you go to the restaurant and you tip them 30% or whatever it is. So we went out the first night and we went to a nice place, and to my chagrin, we're with kids, I think, Lynette, but two of the boys, Sal's boy and my boy Sonny, and a group of nine. Two of the boys ordered surf and turf, which had, like, market price next to it. And, I mean, this is a place where an entree was 42 bucks, but then surf and turf, it just said market price.

[D]

The MP is for Mercy, please.

[B]

Yes, mercy, please.

[C]

How have I never heard that?

[B]

Now, to be fair, the two little kids did not know. Oh, we're talking about. To be fair, the two little kids just saw the letters next to it and thought it might be cheaper things on the. They didn't know. So I had two kids. I'm picking up the bill on this night, I got two kids ordering surf and turf. One of them's mine, the other's Sal's cousin Sal's son, and then the wife. So at least two out of three are Corolla. We did have this move that bothers the fucking shit out of me. And you guys tell me, Lynette. Lynette goes to restaurants and sort of gets confused. Like, she's like, oh, what's on the. What's this menu? And then she'll go, oh, to drink, I don't know, pineapple and rum or whatever drink. And she'll go. The guy will go, okay. And then the guy will bring it to her, and she'll take a sip, she'll go, oh, I don't like this. And I'll be like, all right, well, figure out what your drink is and order your drink. But then she'll go, I don't like this. Can I swap it out for a Margarita. And the guy will go, oh, okay. But sometimes they forget to take it off. They just do a full fucking $15 charge. And Danny, two sheets, is sitting next to Lynette, and the reason she orders the pineapple and rum is because that's what Danny orders. And it seems like she goes, oh, I'll try one of those. So he's demolishing his. She takes one draw and goes, ugh, by the way, I wish I had that gear to take a sip off anything and reject it.

[D]

Not for me.

[B]

If it's got alcohol in it, I'm fine. If it's a smoothie, it's fine. If it's a malt, I'm fine. But anyway, my feeling is I feel like being spoiled.

[D]

Finish drink.

[B]

My feeling is, you ordered it. Drink it. And order a martini next time up. But anyway, she takes a hit and she goes, oh, I don't like this. Now, I would have been happy for her to just slide it to her right and give it to put this one on deck. But the guy took it and swapped it out. Later on, when I was looking at the bill and I saw two drinks instead of whatever, I realized, oh, no, he never did take my $15 drink off of the thing. I didn't even know. In a way, it's not even his fault. It's whoever ordered its fault. Unless you screwed the drink up. But it's kind of a courtesy, especially when you're gonna spend 700 bucks on a meal. Anyway, the check came to $701, and I was like, all right, I'm giving this guy 20% straight across. Big restaurant, nice place. Food was good. Service was good in the resort, outside of the resort, restaurant outside of the resort.

[D]

Establishing question with a group of nine, did they not already factor in the tip?

[B]

Did not.

[C]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

And it could have been nine, it could have been ten, whatever. But whatever. It was a group. More than like five or six. They didn't, which I appreciate. I don't like the part where they do that. I feel like you get the bill, you look at the bill, you do the math on the bill. If it's two people and you ring up $700, you do the math. And if it's 13 people and you ring up $700,. You do the math.

[D]

Or how about you base it on the service? It was excellent service. You're getting a big tip. If you were lacking, then you know what?

[B]

I would argue that, like room service, where they go, gratuity included, that is nothing but a tax or surcharge that has nothing to do go. That has as much to do with the fucking definition of gratuity. There's a whole bunch of stuff that's getting fucked up in our world here. There is gratuity included. Not tomorrow. That's just a fucking. Just make your cheeseburger 30 bucks instead of 23 bucks. It's literally adding it on. It's built in. Hold onto your rack there. It's right up there with I donated my eggs for $8,000. You donated your eggs and access to women's contraception. Not denied access. Just buy it on your own. We're taking the fucking language and we're fucking it all up. None of this means any of it anymore. It is not denying access. It's not. You did not donate and this is not a gratuity. You fucking tacked it on. Can we get back to whatever the language is or just call it something else? So they did not tack on the gratuity, which they do do frequently, and people should be making a bigger shit about it.

[D]

Some of you were saying all of

[C]

this at the restaurant, screaming at the waiter.

[B]

I was. Mike, he's on line six. So is Mike from Greensboro? Yeah. Hey, what's going on? You want to hear the story about cousin Sal and the tipping ABC Wednesday in comedian Nate Bergetzi's new game show. To win, you don't need to know the right answer, just what most Americans think is right. It's not about being the smartest.

[I]

You just have to be the most average. We asked 100 average Americans, do they

[B]

keep an empty gas can in their car?

[H]

No.

[B]

Have they ever broken a bone? No. I said a lot of no. That's all right. My wife says a lot of no as well. The greatest Average American premieres Wednesday, 9, 8 Central on ABC and stream next day on Hulu.

[J]

Yeah, it was a great magnet moment here because I dialed in to ask the question. You're already talking about it.

[D]

Did Sal tell this story, Mike, somewhere? Have you heard this version of this story?

[J]

Yeah, he was on the Bill Simmons. They were do their guess the lines thing. I was listening to that and. And Sal was making fun of Adam. So I was curious about Adam's side of the story.

[C]

Have you. Did you know that Adam.

[B]

I had heard tale Mike.

[D]

What did in about 10 seconds. What was Sal's version of it?

[J]

Adam made a big deal about the surf and turf. Who authorized the surf and turf down at the other end of the table. And he was making a big deal about the Danny 2 sheets had to make him give the 20%. There was an insistence there.

[B]

Oh, are these really how these stories go that Danny insisted on 20%?

[D]

Well, this is a distilled version of a story.

[B]

No, but this is a lie. This is a lying version of this story. Danny, I told you, call liars liars. Okay, I'm with you. You get eight Pinocchios if. Danny, if the story is all right, the story is the kids are ordered surf and turf. I was well aware of that. Cause I was sitting at the table and my son was sitting three people away from me. And there's always a little thing when you go out with your kids, like, hey, Natalia, what are you getting? Sonny, what are you getting? There's a thought of, what are you getting? Number one. The next one is like, hey, maybe I'll get in on some of that. Like, I'll take a bite of some of that, or whatever. So I did sit there while Archie, that's cousin Sal's son, and Lynette, by the way, and Sonny ordered surf and turf. I sat there. I watched him do it. I was aware of it. It's fine. Of course, being a Corolla and coming from where I'm coming from, the idea that the two kids under 13 or 13 and 12 were eating $75 meals is absolutely. It's unheard of.

[D]

The only time they should eat lobsters if they're lost at sea.

[B]

That's right. I agree. Insane. You think about our childhoods. I mean, we went to. Once a year, you'd go to Sizzler and be like, hey, listen, you cannot get the Langostino. You can't get the Malibu chicken. You just get the burnt, charred, single four ounce or the burger. You can't. Even within Sizzler, there was stuff on the menu that you couldn't get on the menu. Yeah, the servant d' oeuvre was $11. But you can't do it. So I took note of it, of course, and used it to sort of put a burr in my own saddle. But when it came to the tip, I don't know if you have Cousin Sal.

[G]

We're cutting it right now.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Were we talking about this before?

[G]

Yeah, but you didn't sound interested when I brought it up to you. So I didn't cut it.

[D]

Adam never sounds interested. Don't you?

[B]

Oh, my. I said have it or get it.

[G]

No, you didn't. You just like, ah. And then you see, and then you moved on. So that's why I didn't cut it. I Wouldn't cut it.

[D]

Unless.

[G]

Unless you showed.

[B]

Yeah. Why put effort into anything unless I demand that you put effort into something? That's not true. I offered it. And did what? How many times do you get the. Adam did the. That. Yep. Yeah. Okay, next. What's next? Because I'm on the. I'm on the fly all the time. Yeah. All right. I think I thought you had it. That's why I went like, yeah, okay. I don't know why.

[G]

What happened in 30 seconds?

[B]

Okay, so the story.

[C]

You can tell your version first.

[B]

The story is your version. I said, all right, it's 700. The bill was $701. And I said, good, 20%. I'll give him 840. And Danny two sheets said, oh, come on, man. Give him 200 bucks or whatever. And I said, well, first off, I'm giving 20%. Then Danny said, no, you're giving 19% because it was 701. Which is a stupid argument because 701 doesn't get it down to 19. It's $1, but it's not a percentage point.

[D]

19.91%, right?

[B]

No, it's not even probably higher than that.

[D]

It's effectively 20% of what I'm saying.

[B]

Right. So it's 20%, but he did the 701, and somehow the one meant, why

[C]

did you get up another 20 bucks?

[B]

So I said, no, I'm doing 20%. Second thing I said was, you're not supposed to tip on tax. So it's really. It's really 20% of 6.50.

[D]

That's a good point.

[B]

Or whatever. The 10% tax over there in Hawaii. And I don't know what the tax is, but it's probably high. It's probably 10%. So the bill that's $701 is really 644. And so you should be doing 20% on 644. But I always just do this the round the finish number. So at 701, I round down to $700 because I'm Ebenezer Scrooge. And I go, I'll give him a buck 40 on this. And Daniel starts going, ah, come on, come on. Just give him 200 bucks. Give him 200 bucks. And I think is a couple things. First off, we've been here a grand total of 70 minutes. Like, this guy doesn't need to get Mark Garrigo's hourly billable numbers. Number two, this is not the only table this individual has serviced in the hour and ten minutes we've Been here, He's working on four or five other tables. I imagine he's getting a tip from them. He doesn't need to average $200 an hour. He can average 80 bucks an hour and be just fine. And fourthly, fifthly and sixthly. Listen to me, waiters. Waiters who are not students struggling trying to get their way through high school, whatever it is. 42 year old waiter guy. You have tapped out of life. You have decided to not possess a skill. You've decided not to get any real training. You don't read architectural plans. You're not a certified cpa. You cannot. You're not a holistic healer. You're not a massage therapist. You don't have your fucking license to drive an 18 wheeler. You have fucking nothing. You've tapped out. You've tapped out. People do this thing all day. Well, these guys are hardworking. They're noble. No, they're not. The biggest fucking losers you ever went to high school with and they fucking tapped out fine. Foreman's on construction sites, drive fucking F350 duallys with lumber racks. Have tools, read architectural plans, get permits, build whole construction sites. Those guys get 30 bucks an hour or 28 bucks an hour or 40 bucks an hour. They don't average what you average. Why is it so important to me that 43 year old loser guy who's fucking tapped out of life needs to make triple an hour? What? Journeyman, carpenter or sir?

[E]

What?

[B]

Okay, fuck it. Nurse. What do fucking registered nurses make per hour?

[C]

200, right?

[D]

Give or take. Oh, 10% of that.

[B]

Yeah. Registered nurse. I don't know. Maybe they make 47 bucks an hour. I don't school teachers. Fuck all you guys. I'll pick one of your stupid pussy professions that you think are so noble. All right? School teachers. A schoolteacher that's bringing home 55k a year. What's that person average? 23 bucks an hour. 26 bucks an hour. Why does loser guy who has no training except for to bring dishes back and forth or something. You could get a fucking monkey coach up to do in four working days if they just shadowed one of these guys. Why is that that guy need to average $120 an hour? Fuck it. I'm not on board with that. That guy's tapped out and we're not helping him. We're not helping him. He's gonna die there because he can't say no to that kind of cash on a nightly basis. That's when you see that bartender guy or that guy, the 40 something year old waiter. Guess why? Because if he gets a real job, if he gets his license to practice, whatever, or he ends up being a journeyman electrician or whatever. He's like a pay cut.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so he has no.

[D]

It's probably harder too.

[B]

It's basically. It's a subsidized living. It's not real. The restaurant should fucking pay him. I paid 700 bucks for dinner. This whole notion of like. Yeah, but how's he get paid? I don't know. How does Home Depot work with their employees? You go buy a fucking. Some piping and some air conditioning, receiver, dryer, and then they pay them out of whatever you pay them. The whole thing is fucked up. The thing, right? Room service should just be. The guy brings the fucking food to my room and I tip him or I don't. That's. He gets paid by the hotel. Everything should just work that way. The fucking. It should be on them. It's on the hotel, it's on the resort. This thing of like, oh, who's gonna pay the valet? I don't know. The fucking room was $2,000 a night. Perhaps you scrape out a little bit of that and give it to the fucking guy in the front with the vest on. When you go. When you go to the most expensive sushi place in the world, and then you go in there and you fucking rack up a bill for 1300 bucks because you got the William Morris charge card. And then you walk out front, the guy's like, $7. And I go, oh, I don't have cash. I mean, they go, oh, yeah, I just spent 1300 bucks in there. Yeah, we don't work for them. Like, oh, I don't know. You stand in front of their establishment,

[D]

there's an umbrella with the logo of the restaurant on it standing underneath.

[B]

Yeah, RNs get 33 bucks an hour max. Pata just called anyone in his family and they're like, group text. He called his cousin. He's like, hold on, I'm putting my Velcro straps down on my beige shoes. Hold on, I can't hear you. Okay, now what was it? You get 33 bucks an hour. Okay.

[G]

And serving's weird too, because, like, you can order a bottle of wine that costs 50 bucks or a bottle of wine that costs $10, and you have to tip based off of that price. It's the same amount of effort in pouring that. Like, it's all.

[B]

It's.

[G]

It's weird how the whole tipping thing works.

[B]

Well, also look no fucking further than the motherfucking Waffle House I ate out at outside of road Atlanta in Georgia. You go to the Waffle House at road Atlanta, three miles away from road Atlanta, Georgia. Before we went to the track fucking haggard put upon 52 year old, twice divorced mother three, like just fucking working her ass off, like, literally bussing stuff sliding across. Here we go, she's running that thing

[D]

like 12 plates on a tray with

[B]

like a fucking point guard. When me and the three guys that get done eating the waffles and the eggs with. When that thing gets tallied up, that entire bill is $31. And someone's like, all right, leave her five bucks and just walk away. Okay, she gets five bucks. She busted her ass twice as hard as the dude in Maui. She gets left with $5. Now, I don't like that. My feeling is $700, surf and turf table. I'll give you 20%, but I'm not going. I'm not rounding up and going up to 900 bucks for you. Woman who's busting her ass over here at the Waffle House outside of Atlanta, you, I'll leave 20 bucks for, and I'll leave you 60% because A, you need it, and B, you're busting your ass. And C, I don't want to do a math. Let's see, what's 15% of $30? All right, here's $4.50. No, she's killing herself.

[C]

And at these nice restaurants, waiters don't bring the food, they come out, they chit chat, and then they drop the bill later.

[B]

So not only did we have the. I said, no, he'll get $140, that'll be enough. And again, he's working other tables simultaneously. And again, we weren't there for 90 minutes. We were there for an hour. Fine. And also later on, the fucker charged me full price for the drink.

[D]

He'll get his pound of flesh.

[B]

Yes. So I was not arguing about giving 20%. I always give 20%. I basically do 20%. Whatever the number is, I just go two times. If it's 600 bucks, I go, all right, buck 20. Two times six is 12. Boom. That's how I do it.

[C]

You're arguing about not giving 35%, 38%.

[B]

Daniel's like, just give him 200 bucks or make it 900 or whatever it was. And I go, no, I'll tip him 20%. Sorry, the version.

[G]

Do you ever worry about because you're a well known celebrity.

[B]

No. First off, why do I care what Losers. Think of it.

[G]

Well, because.

[B]

And then what do you do? Take to Twitter. And when I work for a whole hour and they only got a $140 from Adam. I don't give a shit. Listen, believe me, I'm jealous. You work In Maui, you're 42 years old, you have a fucking GED, and you get paid like an attorney. Good for you. Good for you. But I don't need. I don't need to add to your lifestyle. I'll pay the buck. 40 is already insane. Cause again, what's the difference in the weight of the plate of going to Olive Garden and ordering a big thing of pasta for $12. And the fucking three surfing turfs versus 80 bucks a pop. What's the difference? Why are you profiting off that? You didn't cook it. You didn't provide the materials. It's like the bottle of wine. It's random. You say 50 bucks. Could be 500 bucks for a bottle of wine. Why is it you just pull a cork and pour it? Anyway, so did the math.

[D]

The bill would have been about 6.75 before tax. Tax is only 4% in Hawaii.

[B]

Oh, really?

[D]

Believe it or not.

[H]

Wow.

[D]

You would have tipped with 140 over 20%.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Comfortably over 20%.

[B]

So, Mike, sorry.

[J]

Yeah, no problem.

[B]

Yeah. So he was saying. I was arguing about. I was arguing about the 20%, which I think is where the comedy. I think that's where the comedy comes in. But then it kind of makes me into an asshole because I had never, ever. Here's what I would say. You guys can go ahead. I defy anyone. You can go ahead and find every single fucking time I've ever eaten out and go find me if I ever went lower than 20%. And that will. That shall be your answer. It's all on paper. It's all an amex card somewhere.

[D]

Earlier this year, Christy and I went out to dinner, got a little without the kid, got a little drunk, under tipped the waitress. Didn't realize until we got home the next day and going through my pockets, went back to the restaurant and gave her cash.

[B]

Hero.

[D]

Just because it's shameful to leave a tiny.

[C]

It says more about you than it says about her.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Let's all be straight. Let's not get it twisted in my world. And again, I come from a world where I got 15 bucks an hour to read plans and build people's houses and pull permits and had a truck full of tools, and I didn't get to bang cocktail waitresses or live in Hawaii or live in Hawaii, or get drunk and hang out afterward with the bartender. In my world, if this guy gets $50 for what he did for us, that's completely fine. It'd be grossly under tipped from the 20%. Giving him $50 for bringing us plates and talking to us and asking, whatever, that's fine. $100. That's more than generous in my world. Now, in my world, I don't want a fucking 20%, because again, what's the difference? You get a $250 bottle of wine. What am I tipping on that for? Or the three guys order servant turf. What am I doing? In my world, this guy gets 50 bucks, maybe 75 bucks for what he did. And the beleaguered chick at the Waffle House outside of Atlanta, she gets 20 bucks on her $30 effort. That's my world. But anyway, what do I know? All right, we have the clip. Sorry.

[F]

Who made the right call this week or not?

[B]

I'm gonna say our friend Adam Carolla

[E]

made the right call.

[B]

I'm here with the Adam's family and our friend Daniel. His family. Three families. So we all eat together, we do everything together, and we're, you know, we're rotating bills. So it was Adam's turn to pay, and he made the right call. And not going too crazy, when our two oldest sons ordered surf and turf all the way on the other the end of the table, he just blurted out 3. Who authorized this is.

[E]

And he moved on from that.

[B]

And then he tipped 20% on a dinner bill.

[F]

What?

[B]

Even though he was. He was screaming. Our friend Daniel forced him to do it. He grabbed the pen, he signed it. He's like, you're tipping 20%. Adam has this whole theory about we're enablers by. By tipping. You know, why should. Why should waiters make $140 an hour? Lawyers. And why are we putting them up there with doctors? We're enabling them. We're rewarding them for not having skills. What have they done? They only worked there for an hour. But Daniel talked some sense into him. He's like, this guy has one car. You have 30. So Adam signed, he gave a 20% tip. And, you know, even though they charged his wife for three Mai Tai's, even though he had two, he did not make them take it off the bill, although he did bring it to their attention. So good job by you, Adam. Carolla. Thank you. Cousins out. Get Danny two sheets on the phone. Get him on the phone. Now we can find out exactly how this played out in Real life.

[D]

Mike on hold.

[B]

Sorry. Mike. Call Daniel. He's probably. You can find Daniel.

[C]

Emily Post question for you guys. I know you and Danny Two sheets go back a long time and so this probably doesn't apply, but in general, how do you feel about telling the person who's paying what they should tip?

[D]

Oh, that's gauche.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Cause that's also Danny.

[C]

It's lovable when Danny tips.

[D]

That's his Persona.

[B]

Yeah, he's sort of doing whatever. I'm sure Snoop Dogg is not as snoopy and doggy when he's just walking around at home in a bathrobe. You know what I mean? But he's gotta call everyone, cuz and wants to know what the. Yeah.

[D]

Sticky icky.

[B]

Sticky icky. In the syrup and all the. All the stuff.

[C]

What's the dizzle?

[B]

What's the dizzle? There's a lot of the glasses go on and the joint comes out. Like I figure, like there's a lower key, 53 year old version of Snoop Dogg that's putzing around his house somewhere now. But I think Danny two sheets, I think he brings it. I think he brings it a little bit. Yeah. All right, we'll see if we can get Daniel on phone because tip gate.

[C]

Brian.

[B]

This is how. This is how. This is how all this stuff gets started. Which is it's just a little twist on the story that makes me seem douchey, which is Daniel and I were arguing over the tip, but the twist was 200 bucks versus 20%, which is what I wanted to give. Now if I'm arguing against 20%, it makes me miserly.

[C]

He's trying to force you up to 20%. That's what his version is.

[B]

Right? And also, since when do I listen to people? If it's my money and I'm writing the check like if I go 10% and not a penny more, then that's what I'm writing in. Like you stopped it.

[D]

When do you listen to people?

[B]

Yes. All right, we'll see. What'd you say? We'll see. Was he talking?

[C]

I nearly.

[B]

I thought we had thought that was part of your New Year's reso.

[D]

Ironically proved my point.

[B]

Stop lying. Stop talking. All right, I'll tell you. We'll see if we can get Daniel on the phone. And first I'll tell you about bluechew.com if you like. Oh, you like sex. Good. Bluechew.com. it's a performance enhancement for the bedroom. First chewable, same active ingredient as Viagra and Cialis. It's a lot cheaper than Viagra and Cialis. And it's a little less I got a prom and a little less. A little more. I'd like to up my game a little bit. Chewables work faster than pills, up to twice as fast and you can take it on a full or empty stomach. So let's say you're feeling a little amorous. You got a belly full of surf and turf. You're ready to go suckers old. Wake your lady friend up at 4am and go. All right, let's go. Time. All right, well, send Daniel a text or something. Only takes a few minutes to fill out a form online. No doctor visits, no awkward conversations, no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Ships directly to your door in discreet packaging. And it's made in the United States. The good old US of A. Blue Chew. Confidence in bed every time. And something you and your partner are really going to enjoy. Chew it and do it right, Dawson.

[I]

Visit bluechew.com and get your first order free. When you use promo code Adam, just pay $5 shipping. That's B L U E chew.com promo code Adam.

[B]

Daniel sent me a text like yesterday or today or something. So if you get my phone, you'll probably be able to send him a text back. All right, let's see. Oh God. All right, so quickly. State of the Union. I always get so screwed up with this. Couple things now, Max Pata, what did we screw up on these numbers? On this number of ACS episodes versus Loveline episodes that look so dramatically different than what we talked about yesterday.

[G]

Well, when yesterday happened, we asked Superfangio for the numbers and his archives include all the best of all the repeated episodes that we did. And he didn't really have an exact count of the episodes that you missed and you were there. So since we moved the State of union today, I hit him up again and said let's get a more accurate count and lose the best of and just have every episode that Adam Stone on ACS and Loveline.

[B]

Well, here's what I'm curious about. We're coming up on our ten year reunion of this show.

[D]

Anniversary.

[B]

Sorry, Anniversary. Ten year anniversary. And people must say that all the time. Our 10 year anniversary, February 23rd. Although I thought it was 23rd. Yeah, February 23rd. I said, well geez, that'll be 10 years. I did Loveline for 10 years plus. 10 years plus, I don't know, few months or something like that. I could figure it out. Somebody could figure it out. So I said the other Day. How many Loveline episodes have I done? And the answer is 2,415.

[C]

Jesus.

[B]

And I said, well, how many ACS ones have I done? Now we're, you know, we're two months off or a month and a half off. So I figured, well, it's going to be less.

[D]

You're talking podcast now or talking radio and podcast. Because the radio show was known as acs.

[B]

Oh, thank you. I just meant the podcast. I figured with the 10 year old anniversary coming up and now it says 2456, which seems weird because why is it more when it's a lesser amount of time? Now, Loveline, you could go, we took a few off here and a few off there, but I didn't take many off of Loveline. We got.

[G]

But you had over 150 best of episodes. And that's what he included in the initial count.

[B]

150 best of episodes on Loveline, the radio show.

[H]

Mm.

[B]

Still seems like we've got three. Oh, I guess that's it. All right, so we've done more of this podcast than I did in a ten year Loveline career. Still gonna check that math one more time. How many years did I do loveline? 10 years plus something that's a geo one. So we'll be planning a big party and a big event.

[D]

Do you remember when you took over? Because I know when you left, it was the end of 2005

[B]

when I took over Loveline. Yeah, I was told, because Gio sent a thing that said I celebrated my 31st birthday on the air and I thought, no, I don't think I did my 32nd birthday, maybe. And then he sent me a thing that said October, I believe maybe October 1, 1996.

[G]

You joined Drew and Rackman in October 95, and then you left in December 05.

[D]

So there you go. Because the razor started.

[B]

Yeah. So in a few months. So 10 years and a few months. Still feel like I should have a higher Loveline count. But anyway, I do remember I haven't thought about this in a million years. But the very first, when it came to Loveline, the thing about Loveline was I was fine with the comedy and I was fine with the crack and wise. I was fine with all that. But I had no interviewing chops. And people don't really realize how that works. And how that works is just pure repetition. Just pure repetition. Now it's easy to sit across from David Alan Grier and do an interview. You just point at him and he goes, or Dana Gould or anybody like that. But Loveline would have bands like Chumbawamba. And not only were they total assholes and total British anarchists, but they were like jet lagged, possibly drunk and kind of pissed off.

[C]

Ted didn't want to be there.

[B]

And they're fucking wherever they're from. It's like 3am and now we're here and. Or it's 7 in the morning.

[D]

The label took them out that night.

[B]

They took them out, had a few glass of red wine, pushed them and told them they had to do it, they didn't want to do it. And they would be fucking horrible. They would be horrible. And then there was all sort of punk rock aspect of it, which is, I gotta be a badass. Yeah, can't be too kindly. And the very first. So Ricky Rackman, because of his Headbangers Ball and his mtv and he had his bona fides with all the bands, he sort of sat. He'd sort of handle the interviews and then I would pop off and make jokes. And my biggest fear was doing the interview of the band. And the. So when it came to hosting my first show, if anyone had a fucking ounce of brains or that show was produced properly, whatever, we probably would. Had no guest. Like the first show, just phone calls,

[D]

plenty of your strengths.

[B]

Or we would have had like Dana Gould comes in and, you know, comedian friend, you know, as friends with a lot of comedians. Or Joel McHale, if he even existed back then. Or Jimmy Kimmel, you know, whatever it is.

[D]

Adam Drew, this is Blur.

[B]

Yes, we literally had Psycho Maiko from like Social Disorder, whatever it was. No, it was Psycho Mico from one of those punk rock bands. And I was like, I really had

[C]

a gift for Gab.

[B]

So when did the band start? And he's like, whenever. Yeah, that'd be too much talking for him. And I was like, what's your favorite song? And you go, what's yours? And I like, lean back again, you know, And I like. It was the worst interview ever. It was the most painful thing ever. And here's how bad it was. And you guys. Psycho Michael from Suicidal Tendencies was my first guess. He was a dick who was covered with neck tattoos and he didn't want to fucking talk. Okay? That was my first guess. Like, if you could, like, what would be the worst thing that could ever happen to you in terms of interviewing? And the answer would be Psycho Maiko from Suicidal Tendencies.

[C]

At least it never aired.

[B]

I wanted to fucking kill myself 10 minutes into this interview. And I was like, oh, God, this is going horribly. And I knew the program director, and everyone would be listening. And I was sitting there and I was like, God, this is going bad. And I am not a. I am not a conspiracy theorist. I'm not at all. You know, I've never floated a conspiracy. I do know what works and, like, what doesn't work, but I don't have conspiracy. Yeah. By the end of this interview, I was completely convinced that on his way out, Ricky Rackman, like, called his friend Psycho Michael from Suicidal Tendencies and went, hey, man, you're going in tomorrow night. I'm not gonna be there, so don't play ball. Don't play ball. Like, fucking. But go, you know, have a nice. Initiate this guy into this fraternity and have a good time. Because Ricky left. He didn't. You know, he didn't. He didn't have a screaming match when he got pushed out the door, but he got pushed out by me. He was no fan of mine coming in and taking his job, essentially. And he probably had relationships with these bands. It would have been pretty easy for him just to go, hey, man, I'm not gonna be there, so have fun with the new host. Because this guy was a dick. He was the worst. And I remember thinking, God damn, this is my first guess again. It could have been any actress from 90210, any one of the many people we'd interviewed on Loveline, mtv, or interviewed in any other place, or I knew from Kevin and Bean or any. Again, it could have been Jimmy Kimmel. But now Psycho Micah.

[D]

Well, he's here right now. Come on in, Psycho Micah.

[B]

All right, Max, Pata, are we able to get hold of Danny?

[G]

2Sheets has not texted back yet.

[B]

Send him a text.

[G]

Gave him a call, called him twice from your phone. Tweet him, texted him.

[B]

Let's see, send him a.

[C]

He's laying low right now.

[B]

Send him an email. I want to get to the bottom of this.

[E]

Yeah, we will.

[B]

All right, I'll tell you about that. Let's see. Ron Funches is here. I think we should play the rotten tomato game with him. Oh, that'd be fun. I think that should be our plan. First, let me tell you about Craftsman Lowe's new home of Craftsman, including the V20 cordless power tool. Lineup, everyone. One battery system works on a multitude of products. They have the 2, 4, 6, and 8 tool combo kits available with all the 2amp high capacity lithium batteries. And they work those combinations. So one battery can go from your Roto hammer to your impact driver to your brushless drill. And you don't have to mix and match all your batteries that charge fast, they last long, good runtime, you need that. Craftsman has always been the go to choice for me for hand tools and now for the motorized stuff, the battery operated stuff. Proudly made in the USA with Global Materials in Charlotte, North Carolina. For the latest Craftsman products and updates, you can Visit them at Lowes.com Adam New home for [e-mail] Adam I don't know if you guys are like me, but you know the stories that get kind of rounded over into making you cheap or insane and sort of reminded me of many years ago. God, Joel, I think, is his name. He's a writer for the New York Times or whatever. He went and told the story about the Dixie Chicks and Natalie Main and how I was convinced that she was in love with me and stalking me and sending me flowers and underpants. And it's such a funny story about how gullible I was. And I believed this story. But he left out the part where she asked me to take her to the Grammys.

[C]

That really happened.

[D]

I am like you in this respect. The worst making a love line. One of the worst perpetrators of this for me is Anderson. He'll constantly tell stories about me. I don't mind people. I don't mind people telling stories about me. I don't mind people talking shit about me. What I don't like is when it's skewed in a way that's not true. You know what I mean? Like that it paints a false picture or there's leaving some detail out or it leads someone down the wrong path that I hate. Anderson was on his podcast talking to someone who didn't know me and describing me, and she's like, oh, is he a climber? It's like, total climber. I'm a lot of things. I'm a lot of things. I will list them for you. I am not a climber. I would be much farther along in my career if I was a climber.

[B]

No. He literally requested a basket so that he could lay in it while we're doing the podcast. And I completely agree. There's a million horrible things, maybe 2 million horrible things about Brian. We can't count that high.

[D]

It would take weeks of episodes.

[B]

But just because somebody said climber, you don't have to go. Yeah, you go. No, there's a lot of bad things about. No. Yeah, sit down for fortnight. I'll tell you about other things that are wrong with Brian. But, like, I would never go. Climber. Climber's sort of a compliment.

[C]

It means you got a little chutzpah.

[H]

Yeah.

[D]

But it's not true.

[B]

No. As. As stated in yesterday's show, with your New Year's resolution, your New Year's resolution, without using the word climber, is to kind of say, I'd like to get my ladder out. Yeah.

[D]

I'd like to work harder and get a little farther. Yeah. But climber is.

[B]

Is.

[D]

It is a sort of like you're using people to get a climber. Yeah. A user, basically. You're latching on to people for what they can do.

[B]

It kind of depends who it really. It kind of depends who says it and how they're saying it, because it wasn't flattering. Everybody who made their way up a corporate ladder was. Was a climber. It didn't mean you had to put your foot on someone else's head.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know when they. I know when the narcotic goes, is he a climber then? Then that's what that is. But I looked at myself, I looked at Jimmy Kimmel. We were at kroc. We were low on the totem pole, and I was like, let's get on up. But that's not you. But that's not you. Yeah. Thank you.

[C]

When you said that, the first thing that came into my mind was, I hate, you know, people tag you on stuff that's, you know, mean or whatever. Don't tag me. I'm living. I got a life. I don't have time for this. And somebody tagged me going, gina didn't do that. And of course, I had to read the response, which was, I've said this on a million interviews. That the way I got in at KLSX was my dad was working at KNX sister station and got me an interview with Ronna Scarzaga. And my big glamorous job that they hired me for was to answer the phones for Nelson Salsa. The public access radio hour in the middle of the night on the weekends. That was my big glamorous for into radio. What was told was, Gina's little Gina's daddy got someone fired so she could get a job in radio.

[B]

I like Nelson Salsa's sidekick, Jimmy Cherry. That kid's a sweet kid. And that kid's a climber, too. Boy, he's on.

[C]

But, oh, the nepotism. The nepotism is so strong in the grad family. He got me an interview, and I ended up getting a job to answer phones in the middle of the night. And I was grateful to have it.

[D]

Poor Jimmy Cherry got Canned just so

[B]

you could see the calls. It is in luck.

[C]

Gina's daddy got her first job.

[B]

Like what we all. Everyone is guilty. Every comedian, everyone who tells a story is guilty of a little hyperbole, but

[D]

just don't make it false. Comedic effect, that's one thing.

[B]

Don't make it false. All right, so Ron Funches is here. We'll play rotten tomatoes with him in person. No luck with Danny Two Sheets.

[C]

He's laying low. He doesn't want any part of this.

[G]

Email sent, text sent, he's tucked in.

[B]

He'll be glad. All right, so he has a number to contact us if he gets hold of it.

[H]

That's right.

[B]

All right, we'll bring Ron in a second. First, let me tell you about True Car. Every car has a story. What is the story of your car? What's it worth? How can we find out? How about you hit up TrueCar? TrueCar will let you know. Find out what your car is worth. When it's time to sell or trade it in, just go to trucar.com, enter your license plate number. Car's details are going to pop up. Answer a few quick questions. Once you're finished, you get a true cash offer sent in minutes, which you can take to your local certified dealer and cash out. Or you can trade it in either way. So if you want to buy a new car, you can go to TrueCar. If you want to get a used car, you can go to TrueCar. You want to cash in your car and walk out with a check, go to TrueCar. Or you want to trade in your car and get a new or used car, you go to TrueCar. I feel like that about covers the transportation department with TrueCar. So when you're ready for a better way to sell or trade in your car, check out TrueCar. TrueCash offer not available in all areas. Comedian Ron Funches coming in. We will talk to him. We'll play the Rotten tomatoes game with him. We'll do all that right after this.

[H]

I was out on a date with a lady, and we were all cuddled up together, which sometimes happens. And then the Rock saw us and he was like, oh, you guys make a cute couple. But not anymore.

[F]

Cause I wanna.

[H]

I be like, well, sir, imma check with her first. Oh, but on this end, there are no issues. I mean, if the Rock was hitting

[B]

on me, if his muscular finger went

[H]

against the nape of my neck, Oh. I mean, I like to think I'm straight. But in this days, and, you know, who really knows? Maybe I am a rock bottom. I don't know.

[I]

Ron Funches on the Adam Corolla show.

[B]

Good to see you again, my friend. Good to see you.

[H]

I. I love that. That's like. I think you guys just stumbled into a thing I need to do now. Just put all my comedy under a jazzy beat.

[B]

I know. Makes everything better, right? Yeah. Giggle. It's giggle fit, right?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Giggle fit, which is available right now on Comedy Central and you can check it out [e-mail] and on demand as well. Filmed at the Neptune theater in Seattle that we've played at a couple of few times. Beautiful Neptune Theater. How do you figure out where to go? I'm always curious with comedians, how do you end up where you end up? Because we can all shoot a special wherever and Pete Holmes ended up at the same theater that I played in Portland and we probably picked it for the same reason. No one lives in Portland or Seattle. You go there, but where do you live and how did you end up there?

[H]

I end up there because I started comedy in the northwest. I started in Portland and so that was one of my choices. But I didn't want to do like a hometown show or a show where people who knew all my material already but I wanted to pick a place close enough that if they wanted to travel to it, they could get there. And Seattle is one of the first places that always showed me love and started selling out shows before like any other place. And it was just also a beautiful theater. So I performed there before and I knew the area and then Weeds Legal and it seemed like it would just be a great time for me.

[B]

It's weird or sad or ironic or something that I basically hail from the San Fernando Valley. North Hollywood, which has got to be. First off, it's in Los Angeles. It's four miles, three miles from Hollywood. California has a population of what is bigger than probably Chicago proper or something and no comedy scene whatsoever. Like literally there are more custom door and sash stores like window blind and sash and custom door places in the San Fernando Valley then comedy. Star wars are comedy venues. There are more tile showrooms. There are 1000% more tile and auto body places than places to do comedy. It literally doesn't exist. So it's just weird thing which is you're in Los Angeles, you're right next to Hollywood. You're in a place called North Hollywood, you're interested in comedy and there's zero scene in the entire valley. Sad, right?

[H]

It's pretty sad. But it makes a lot of sense because you have the Hollywood scene, you have the improv, you have the Comedy Store, you have all the shows downtown and the little offshoots. It seems like, you know, the Valley and stuff is a place where families go to kind of get away from stuff like that. This is one of the reasons I live in the Valley now, so that I can go in to Hollywood and do stuff and then come back and just walk around my neighborhood.

[B]

I'll do that with my wife. Every once in a while I'll go, I've had my fill of comedy, but I'm missing Mexicans. What do you want to do? Let's go down to Sherman Way Nordhoff and hang out for a while.

[F]

Exactly.

[B]

That'll be awesome. I'd like to eat papaya prepared from a guy on the street with no gloves. I'd like to find a guy, the machete. Middle aged guy was making papaya for me and the kids. We'll go down there, but I don't want to hear any fucking comedy, that's for goddamn sure. I like to smell a fresh sanded Bondo on a car fender. That's what I'm looking for.

[H]

And I don't know if you're being sarcastic.

[B]

No, it's a. The Valley's turned to a big shit pit. That. That's all. I grew up there. Now it's a pile of shit. That's fine if you stay the. The thing here's. Here's what it is. Ventura Boulevard. I'm thinking of it now. It's like. It's like the river that goes through the. The Serengeti. Like there's life there. You can pass from there. Stay close to the river.

[C]

Follow the river.

[B]

Follow the river. If far out away from the river, you'll just either die of exposure or be stabbed by Guatemala. Which, whatever your metaphor, however the metaphor works. But stay next to that river. It's a river of life. The river of life. Ventura Boulevard is the river of life. The further you get away from that fucking river, the tougher it is to hang on.

[H]

You want to stay by the Galleria,

[B]

stay by the Galleria. Anything with the Galleria river by it. You need to get as close to any place with a Cheesecake Factory or a Dave and.

[D]

Or Busters.

[B]

Dave and. Or Busters.

[C]

Not Benihana. What's the other one? PF Chang.

[B]

You gotta find and you gotta be next to. You know what? That's what they should do. Fuck the school system. You know, everyone does the sexual predator when they're looking to move. They Go. How many sexual predators? How many schools? Closest PF Chang.

[F]

That's right.

[B]

Closest. Arc Light Theater.

[C]

Yes.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're nestled in between a P. F. Chang's. First off, who cares if a stranger molests your kid once in a while? Would you have that kind of access?

[C]

Does lettuce wrap?

[B]

Lettuce wraps and reclining seats.

[H]

I'm in walking distance to both. Are you?

[C]

You made it.

[B]

Oh, man, you're good. I'm gonna explain the river of life to my kids when I get home. Where are you in Studio City? Sherman Oaks. Yeah. Good. Stay next to the river. Don't get too far from the river.

[D]

The river is life.

[B]

Now you have. You're talking about the special. You have an autistic son?

[H]

Yeah, I do. My son is 15. He has autism. His name's Malcolm. He was diagnosed when he was 2, and he's been going through programs and therapy since then. He's killing it right now.

[B]

What are the programs and the therapy and pardon me for asking, like, how autistic? Because we're in a weird world where everything's spectrumy now. And everyone thinks, I have Asperger's, and everyone does. When anyone says to me, doctors, I have relatives, Asperger's, they go, oh, you got Asperger's?

[H]

Well, it's like when you. Today. When you came in today and you walked right by me, and then you think. And you go, oh, did I walk by you? And I was like, no, I don't take any offense. My son has autism. I'm used to.

[B]

You're used to me.

[D]

You know my answer to your type.

[C]

Well played.

[B]

My answer is to everyone who claims I have Asperger's, I go, open your mouth. And they go, open your mouth. And they go, why? And I go, so I can fucking spit in it. And they go, what? I go, so you can get a little bit of this so you can get something done. I'll spit in your mouth, then you can get a little Asperger's, and then you can fucking go do something too, instead of watching me do shit. How about that?

[H]

Open your mouth. Everything you're saying is being like, I'm more and more pretty sure diagnosis is down the corner.

[B]

Quickly. Let's have unprotected sex quickly.

[D]

Don't vaccinate yourself.

[H]

My son has classic autism. When he was diagnosed, it was moderate to severe. He's been in behavioral therapies and as far as like. As well as just, like, physical touch therapies where he has to. He doesn't like certain textures and they would make him put his hands in, like play doh or certain things like that.

[C]

Sensory stuff?

[H]

Yes, sensory therapy. And then just massages like Chi Gong and things like that. And now. Now mostly he just has a speech therapist that he sees every. Every week.

[B]

How's the massage therapy part go?

[H]

It goes. It's just because a lot of. When you're. Especially in the beginning of it, you're looking for a lot of answers. You'll try just about anything. And a lot of people who have children, autism, I believe there's a lot. A lot of. They have a lot of toxins in their system. And if you looked at my son's bowel movements when he was younger, you would be like, you agree there was. They did not smell like a normal humans. And so the Chi Gong thing was part about they would massage his digestive tract in a certain way to try to help release some of those toxins.

[B]

Do you pay for that or does insurance pay for that?

[H]

Luckily, we were living in Oregon at the time, and they had very good help as far as social programs for people with autism.

[B]

A note to Matt, the assistant, moved to Oregon, put in for Asperger's insurance. Give myself a fucking rub down twice a week. Paid for by the state. Yes.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

So what about what you got out of that? What about things like, I'm thinking about

[C]

me proving the point.

[B]

I have Asperger's. It's all about me. What about other therapies? Like, I'm into, like, I. I love all the walking and the nature and diet. Like, what about diet and things of that nature?

[H]

Yeah, I mean, that's kind of what we're working on now is before, his diet was just very restrictive. And in the beginning, it was mostly about just trying to get him to eat food instead of like a mouse pad or just plastic. And so it became a battle of, like, what will you eat? And then he was just hamburgers and pizza, and that lasts for a while. And he was still underweight, and then he became overweight because he was just eating hamburgers and pizza and pancakes. And now we're like, hey, try these protein pancakes or try. Try this lean burger that I'm making for you. And just trying to keep his, again, his toxins under control and his diet better.

[B]

Do they have. Do the doctors have thoughts about. We're very much into that around here. I mean, not as it pertains to autism, but just in general, like, this sort of chemistry of life. Dr. Drew is. We are. We have conversations with it all the time and how much of it affects so many other facets of your life. I think it was gonna screw this up, but I think it was Jim Abrams I was talking to about this. I thought it was David Zucker, but Abrams and Zucker, airplane, whatever. He's talking about how his son had severe seizures and tons of seizures. And he kept researching and researching. Finally found some old paper that basically just talked about the ketogenic diet and getting rid of the sugars and the grains and getting the proteins and the fats in there, and essentially cured his kid of having these seizures, just simply. Simply changing the diet. He went to the Mayo Clinic, and they were like, yeah, we got nothing for you. But he researched it and found this out. So I'm curious if science or if the doctors have sort of caught up now and are getting into that aspect.

[H]

More and more research on that. That's actually something I'm starting with. My son is putting him on a ketogenic diet and. Yeah, I mean, because you're just willing to really do anything to see effects. And I'm not looking to cure autism, but I'm looking to see him just get progress and get better. And the more his diet changes and the way we get him away from processed foods and more into just regular. Just the high proteins and the fats, it seems to be helping him and helping him to speak more and get his words out clearer.

[C]

He probably feels better. Yeah, we all feel better when we're not eating that.

[H]

Yeah. And his eyes aren't as dark and things. He's just. Yeah, he's shining. I'm really happy.

[B]

You know, I was talking to somebody, having a tweet with somebody last night about, like, straws and plastic straws, and they were showing me, we're talking about the aforementioned Seattle and how the place just looks like a fucking diaper now, like LA does. It's just garbage everywhere. And then it's weird that you're getting preached at about using plastic straws and then you're tripping over piles of garbage when you're heading out. And so I was just like, look, you don't need the tweet up there, Max. Pat. But I basically said, here's my thing. I'm into solar. I'm into LED light bulbs. I'm into recycling. I'm into all of it. Just because I'm removing the cause from it and just putting it into a. Just do it. I think it's actually. It's actually a better way of going through Life meaning. And I'll circle back, which is if somebody says, do this because I want you to do it, or do it because I'll give you $10 every time you do it, or do it because I'll dock you $10 if you don't do it. It just becomes this thought process versus just doing it. Just shut the lights off when you leave the room and you go, okay. But not if you're at a hotel, right? It's like, yes, at a hotel. But why? It's not your. Just do it. Because that's just your moat. Just do it. It couldn't hurt. And the diet is the same way. Just do the good diet. Why? Is it gonna cure autism? No, I don't know. Couldn't hurt. It's no different than recycling or solar panels or flicking the light off. Like, I don't know. Is that gonna make or break you financially? Is it gonna save the environment? I don't know. No, I don't know. It's not gonna hurt the environment. It's gonna hurt the environment if I keep it on. If you have a processed burger, it's probably gonna hurt you versus help you. What's the difference? Don't know. Why not just do it, though?

[H]

No, I completely agree with you. I just like that mindset. Instead of being like, it's just that. Why not mindset? Like, why not try.

[B]

I know it's a weird gear that so many people are in, which is like. And I guess we all have to think about this, but this sort of. Here's something that Anderson could call you. Brian. Here we go. This weird. Like, I must offer some alternative. Like, you go, what's wrong with just doing that? I go, well, sometimes people forget. And you go, I know, but how about you just get in the thing? Well, sometimes people are distracted when they. Yeah, understood. What's wrong with it? And they go, I was standing in the omelet line. Here's a first world problem at the resort.

[D]

What's wrong with the keys?

[B]

Eating the omelet. I'm sorry.

[D]

How about a frittata?

[B]

They'd have two guys behind there on occasion and one guy behind there on occasion. And the line would stack up be 12 people. And this poor guy's an octopus. He's juggling. He's starting this pan, he's starting that pan. And I just said to the woman next to me, I was like, yeah, when I get the two guys, it goes twice as fast. And she's like, yeah, but they don't work that well together. And I said, yeah, but I was here yesterday and they threw the two guys in during high traffic season and they got those pans moving. And she's like, yeah, but blah, blah, blah. And I went like, yeah, but the two guys, it gets. It moved. Maybe it's not twice as fast, but it's certainly 30, 40% faster. She's like, yeah, but they didn't seem to be working. And I thought, really? What are we talking about? Really?

[D]

I'm gonna take a stand on this.

[C]

Should it work for Starwood?

[B]

There's the answer. Yeah, it'd be nice. Or with the amount we're paying. Tell me about it. These rates be great to have a third guy in there, but why are we getting into this? Why are we dancing on this? This subject?

[D]

Yeah. This is something you've chosen to fight over or. You know what I mean, offer an alternative.

[B]

Let me kind of realize. I think this is a little more of a way of life than a strictly omelette oriented discussion we're having. Like people love to play devil's advocate.

[H]

It's just a thing they love to do on anything.

[B]

I'm wide open to any subject. So everyone that comes out, then I got to stand my ground.

[C]

Egg based debate.

[B]

All right, Danny, is he on the line?

[H]

Yeah.

[G]

Do med men.

[I]

We'll get him on.

[B]

All right, let's see. Let's have a healthy new year. Inside every medman is a new way to meet your 2019 resolutions. Looking to get fit? You can try the energizing edible before you run and a soothing CBD painstick afterward. Or resolve to relax a little more and ease that anxiety with premium products from medmen. Visit a store near you and they have knowledgeable in store team including in house pharmacists at medical stores. They'll make sure you find the product you need. It's easy to understand instructions. They'll figure out how to use it. You'll know how to use it. Go to medmen.com find the store nearest you and let's keep those resolutions this [e-mail] Right, Dawson.

[I]

MedMen's resolution for 2019, helping to drop the labels for cannabis users. Use code Adam Carolla at checkout to get 10% off your purchase. Visit a MedMen limit one per customer. Terms and conditions apply. Keep out of reach of children for use only by adults 21 years of age and older.

[B]

All right, Danny, two sheets. Uncle Buzzaboo. Danny Kelson is on the line. Daniel.

[J]

Yes, sir.

[B]

Thanks for getting back to us in a timely fashion. This Was not planned.

[J]

Is it sarcasm or not?

[B]

No, I don't. Like, I have this new policy, which is, you know when you're like, I was doing a conference call today and I was like punching in the code numbers for my conference call at 10:15 in the morning, and Max Zapata called right before I hit the last digit on my conference call number. And I was like, I had to start again. And my first impulse is, I'm gonna fucking strangle that guy. And then my next impulse was, how the hell does he know what I'm doing? And so when we call a busy mover and shaker like Daniel Kelison in the middle of the morning, in the middle of the day, you can't expect him to dive on the phone. He's a busy man.

[J]

Yeah, no, I was in the middle of a yoga class, you pussy.

[B]

What the fuck? Why didn't you have the fucking phone with you? Can't you do down dial? I was trying. It really was self disruptive yoga class work, you puss. All right, so we all know that the lovable cousin Sal gave his stirring rendition of the tipping situation with the surf and turf in Maui when we went out to the restaurant. I am not one of these people who likes to lead my witness. So I will just ask you your version.

[D]

Do you regret lying about this story?

[B]

No. No. I'll ask you. Since cousin Sal told the story on your behalf and on my behalf, but neither one of us was on his podcast. What happened with the $701 check that we got in Maui?

[J]

In terms of tipping? I think we over tipped, right? Or I over tipped. That's what I paid for, right?

[B]

No, Daniel, the surf and turf, $701 tip with the kids ordering the surf and turf and you arguing with me violently about tipping more. Yeah, yeah.

[J]

The other, other check was also $700.

[A]

Sadly, that's true.

[B]

Sadly, it was.

[J]

We tipped, I don't know, $150, $200? What do we tip?

[B]

We tip 20%. Okay, you did what you do, which is you grab the check and said, leave a big fat tip. Yeah.

[J]

Yes, yes, I believe in that.

[B]

Yes, yes. I said I'll give what percentage?

[J]

20%, right? That's right. You said you give 20% and then you left 19%.

[B]

Yeah. Now listen, I'm not a college boy like you. I'm just a poor guy who tried to stay near the river. Ventura Boulevard in North Hollywood. But $701 and me giving him 140 worth of tip is still 20%. Extensively. That's just $1.

[J]

Right? Right.

[B]

20% on $1 is just 20 cents.

[J]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so it was $701 and you wanted to give them what, leave 900 or something like that?

[J]

I thought it was great service and I thought we should give $200 of the holidays if people were working. And, you know, I'm a socialist at heart. I really believe, you know, not to sound right about it. And you know how everyone says nothing worse than when somebody says they're blessed, but we're lucky and we have the ability to leave a nice impact on some of these people's lives who are working class. And that's what I'm about.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Well, you and Ocasio Cortez have a good time in hell. I'll be working while you're at the fucking yoga class to learn how to suck your own dick. I'll be paying fucking taxes. Thank you, Hera.

[J]

Listen how awful you are now.

[B]

But listen, listen, just for clarity, just for clarity, just for clarity, the tip was $100. Sorry, sorry. The bill was 700 bucks. For sake of argument. And you said, give him 900. And I said, give them 20%. I'll give them 20%. Yes.

[J]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Sal's recollection was that you had to argue with me to do 20%.

[J]

I don't think that's right. I think you were just. You're bristling at the idea of paying more than 20% mixed in. There was the whole my tie sent back debate. I don't know you got into that at all.

[B]

I did. I was not happy. I was not happy about that either, but I did not deduct that I let it slide.

[J]

No, but you did argue about it with the waiter afterwards, right?

[B]

I went, well, first off, this is a. This is a. This is a domestic issue. My wife orders drinks, take sips off them and goes, what is this? And it's like, it's what you ordered.

[F]

That's.

[B]

Don't be surprised what comes in it. Oh, what is it? It's ox blood and gefilte fish. Why in a hollowed out boot? I thought you'd enjoy that. Like, no, it's a fucking Mai Tai. You ordered a Mai Tai. This is called a Mai Tai. Please don't send it back. It's got booze in it, by the way. So philosophically, you shouldn't be able to. Anyway, that was a little more with her, but I was curious that they charged. That they just charged full freight and you were drinking the Same drink. So I just want him to slide it over to you next time. Well, I thought.

[J]

Well, you. You ended up drinking my drink. And I took this drink drunk Lynettes.

[B]

All right. We could have worked it out. I had a draw off it once she sent it back. That's all. All right, Danny, two sheets. Get back to the downtown.

[J]

Well, I want to say hello to everybody there and thanks for having me here. And anytime you want to debate tips, we have a long history of this, I feel like. And also, greetings to Ron Punches. You know, we were going to do a TV show together called the Bong Show.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Oh, man.

[H]

Yeah, I remember that. Great.

[B]

I have totally forgot.

[H]

I would just listen to you talk, going, man, I like this guy.

[B]

All right.

[J]

Danny, too. I think he's a talented guy. And listen, love to everybody there. And Adam, it doesn't hurt you to over tip. And you always say, like, I don't want to, Rich. I don't tip the hardware store guy. You should tip the hardware store guys. He's done a good job for you.

[B]

All right, let me ask you.

[J]

Don't hold back.

[B]

Let me ask you this. How many sets of omelets and or eggs did you have the beleaguered guy who was working the omelet bar at the resort make you and your family, in the five days we were there?

[J]

Probably five days, I'm going to say 15.

[B]

Did you tip that man?

[J]

Well, we tipped at the hotel.

[B]

Did you tip the guy who was making your family physically? Did you tip him?

[J]

I probably should have done that.

[B]

Go get in the down dog. Sit in the fucking corner and think about it. Think about tipping that guy. Hardest working guy was the omelet bar guy. We're there every single morning for five days. He made his wife omelettes. It was like over easy, over medium. My son likes a little blah, blah, blah times 15. Not a nickel directly to him. Okay, maybe you're not as into tipping as you thought you were. That's all I'm saying. Huge argument over giving the guy $140 versus 200 bucks. Nothing for the guy working his ass off, making the out here.

[D]

He probably had that.

[C]

That fishbowl sitting right there with the money in here.

[D]

I go with the devil's advocate. They tip out there. So if you tip one person, you tip them all.

[B]

Yeah, he. That's what he said.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

He just said, I tipped or whatever.

[D]

But I still say, let's go in that guy's pocket.

[B]

If you're as much into tipping as you say you're into tipping, and nobody's fucking working harder at that hotel than the guy who's literally working five pans simultaneously and he's hitting all three of your family members times five days. Slip that guy 20 on the last day if you're into it. Okay, that's fair. I'm not. No, here's the difference.

[C]

That's consistent.

[B]

I don't fucking claim to be a tipping hero. I'm like, yeah, I paid enough at the hotel. Let them tip that guy out. That's me. But I don't fucking talk about how great I am in the tipping department. Thank you.

[D]

Well done.

[B]

I'm not a tipping hero. So just to be straight, 20% was not argued over. He wanted to go higher than 20. I said, no, we'll do 20. There was no Danny talking me into 20. He was trying to talk me into 35%. I said, 20 is good. Thus, false story.

[H]

Yeah, but I think you're really discounting the holiday spirit.

[B]

The holiday spirit is this guy's getting paid like a fucking thoracic surgeon for bringing me food. That is his whole life is the fucking holiday spirit he lives in. He's getting $150 for an hour's worth of work. And that's just our table. Now, he may have to spread that around, but why does he need to be. Nurses get paid 33 bucks an hour. Why does that guy need to average

[H]

80 bucks an hour to have more expenses during the holidays?

[B]

The expense is the $700 meal that he then gets 40.

[H]

The presents for the kids, the credit cards, everything. Yeah, that's how he gets a little bit more holiday.

[B]

He is getting a little bit more because that's his fucking life. Like, he's already getting 140 bucks for an hour's work. That's my. That's my thing.

[H]

Yeah, but, you know, he's working hard. You get more than that, and you work hard.

[B]

Who works harder, the omelet guy or him?

[H]

Probably the omelet. Omelet guy gets burned.

[B]

So the omelet guy. Omelet guy's working three to eight times as hard as this guy.

[H]

I like how you put math in it. Again, another aspect.

[B]

I'm giving you a big window, but the omelette guy works 10 times harder than this guy. How come he doesn't get a tip? What's he get an hour? Why should the omelet guy make one third of what this guy is?

[H]

The point is, you don't want to tip anybody, though.

[B]

I tip everyone 20%. I tip him 20%. The whole thing is. What about more? What about more? I tip $140 on a $700 meal. And you're not supposed to do taxes, so it's a generous tip. It's 3% or 24%.

[H]

Bad tip. It's not a bad tip.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Like, my whole thing is like this.

[H]

But I would. But if I recognize you, I go, oh, I'm getting. I'm serving Adam Carolla. I would be like, he's an okay guy.

[B]

Fine. Don't make your fucking life right. Don't worry about Adam Carolla coming to your restaurant once a lifetime to try to make things fit in your life. That's my thing. You fucked up your own life. I'm not gonna make it right. I'll make it even. I'll give you scale, but I'm not gonna make it right. Okay.

[H]

That we can agree on.

[B]

Okay. And also, I'll give you a little incentive to work on your fucking life. You won't get rich bringing me shit. How about that? I'm telling you, the reason these guys are in their 40s and doing what they're doing is because they're overcompensated.

[H]

But I like that. Like, when you go to Europe and you see, like, waiters and stuff, and they're super old, and they're just. And they are paid well, and the service just shows I. Of the reasons why customer service is so shitty in America is that we have just underpaid kids there who are. Who are exactly like, I need to get my life together. I hate it here. So they don't. They don't care if your drink's messed up or. Or what your order is.

[B]

Right.

[H]

You know, when you get really good customer service in this country, you. You remember it because it's rare. You know, that was one of my jobs. My first. One of my first jobs, I worked as a cashier, and I just good at talking to people. So I would have lines down the store five, six people deep, and there'd be an open register, and they just were like, nah, I'd rather talk to this guy. Which sucked for me because it made me work harder.

[B]

Yeah. What was the job?

[H]

Just, you know, bagging groceries, putting things across, scanning things, chatting with people. That's it.

[B]

I love the notion that Daniel. Daniel's the socialist, and he's fucking in Santa Monica right now taking a hot yoga class. And I'm in Glendale doing my third fucking podcast today, and he's like, hey, buddy, let's spread it around. Like, yeah, all right. Spread it around.

[C]

You'll get it.

[B]

How about this? I'll do a fucking yoga classic.

[H]

Fucking cold, man.

[B]

You're talking that. Fuck all that. All this fucking. He works hard, she works hard. Fuck that. I work fucking hard my whole fucking life. I kill myself. This is.

[H]

You don't think I work harder than you?

[B]

I don't even give a sh. I don't give a shit.

[H]

I.

[B]

Listen, here's one thing I do know. I worked harder than anybody you fucking know ever from age 19 to age 30. There's nobody, you know who worked harder than me because I literally dug ditches. I dug ditches for 55 hours to 60 hours a week, and that's all I did. So if you can find somebody worked harder than me out of high school into their 20s, I challenge you to do that. I did it for years.

[H]

Well, that sounds just like a lack of intelligence and hard work.

[B]

No, I didn't ask.

[C]

He was working harder, not smarter.

[B]

No, the fucking white privilege. I didn't even know it kicked in until I was in my mid-20s. I fucking worked harder than anyone I know. It has nothing to do with working hard. It's working smart, having a goal versus working dumb.

[H]

Oh, I'm all about goals.

[B]

This notion of, like, this guy works hard, he needs to get paid. No, no. Roofers work hard. They get paid much less than Mark Garrigas gets paid. He sits in air conditioning, he takes private jets. But he figured it out. This notion of, like, I'm burning calories and I'm miserable and I'm sweating and it's dusty. Yeah. Traditionally, whether you're building a railroad or in a coal mine work, building ships, you don't get paid for working hard or working sweaty or working dusty. You get paid for working smart.

[H]

That's one of the things I had to figure out in comedy that I didn't have to. I used to have to prove myself. I'd be like, I had to go do four, five, six sets and struggle to prove myself. And it's just like, that is just working hard, not smart. Or I could just pick better shows. Sometimes me doing less shows is better because then I'm scared. So then when people actually pay tickets to come see me, and that's a big lesson, I learned to stop sometimes working as hard as I was and just be a little bit smarter about it and rest sometimes.

[B]

This is a very good point, which is even within a profession. So you go, well, nothing's harder than digging ditches. And there wasn't anything harder than digging ditches. And then you get into comedy and go, well, shit, free beer and air conditioning and standing there talking. But when I went out earlier on, we'd do three shows a night at Cobbs, and then three shows a night at the place outside of Seattle, and then three shows another night, and it was like in Kirkland, Washington. And it's like, jesus Christ, it's a lot of work. And then the next time we'll come back and play the Moore Theater or the Neptune Theater and say, I'll do one theater show. So, like, even within jobs, as much easier doing standup than it is digging ditches or bagging groceries or whatever you're doing. Still within that job, there's a version where you don't do three shows a night. You do one show a night in a theater. Maybe you get an opening act and you only do 55 minutes instead of 95 minutes or whatever that is. But everyone should constantly be trying to sort of streamline that process.

[D]

I agree to that point. The working smarter, not harder and all that stuff.

[H]

Stuff.

[D]

If you're. What would you say the percentage of the population in America is of unskilled labor? What percentage of a population are unskilled laborers? Just throw out a number.

[B]

20%.

[D]

Okay? If you. If you're part of that 20%, you can bag groceries or you can dig dishes or you can wait tables in Hawaii. You know what I mean? Like that. That is. That is probably the.

[B]

The.

[D]

One of the ultimate examples of working smarter and not harder.

[H]

The are. You can stream video games.

[B]

Yeah. Get paid. I literally was talking to Danny Two Sheets when we were. Because you go around Hawaii, you see all these guys. They're the Uber drivers. They're happy as shit.

[D]

You know, they can surf all day and, you know, put in a few hours at night and make it up to get.

[B]

Well, they live in Maui, you know, or this guy or the guy who works at the hotel at the resort or whatever. And I was just like, if I was ever. And I've always said it this way, I said, look, if I was ever going to drop out, I just get a job at the Starbucks in Santa Barbara and just work at the Starbucks. Why work at the one one in Inglewood? Why not go to the one in Santa Barbara and just live by the ocean? It'd be.

[D]

It'd be easy bartending a college town.

[B]

Right? And I always felt the same way. Tell me what you guys think of this. I grew up My first apartment in, in North Hollywood off of Laurel Canyon, by sort of between Magnolia and Riverside, but like not too far away from the river of Ventura Boulevard. And you know, it was like 500 bucks a month and I couldn't afford it and I ended up with two roommates in a one bedroom. But my thing is like, people go like, why don't you just move out to Pacoima and get a three bedroom for like the same price? It's like, I'd rather sleep on a futon with another dude in a nice part of town than every time I pass really shitty apartment buildings. And I know some of it has to do with like first and last are background checks and stuff like that, credit checks and stuff. But I'm always like, why not live in a slightly better neighborhood in a smaller place than live in a shitty neighborhood, right? That was always my take, even when I had no money, Right.

[H]

I've always believed in that just from being in my small town. And I was a teenager, I was in Salem, Oregon, which is like a little shitty small town in Oregon. And you get these people my age when we were working at like bank call centers, making just 20 bucks an hour, and then they're like buying houses. And at 20, when I was like 22, 23 years old, and I was like, why would you want to do that? I don't want to stay here, I don't want to be here. I'd rather go, I'd rather keep my money and go get a tiny place in LA than be like the king of shit mountain. Like, I don't like you even if you have a big house here and different folks, you know, different dreams. But it was just not a good area. And I didn't understand the point of bawling in a shitty area as opposed to swimming with big fishes.

[B]

That was always one of the funniest conversations I had with my landlord, which is I did have three guys in a one bedroom and after about two years it got a little old. Three dudes, one bedroom. And I wanted to get. They're both my friends and I wanted to get rid of one of them, but he was my friend and I want to tell him, like, hey, you gotta move out. So I called the landlord and I went, hey man, we got three dudes living in this one bedroom apartment. And he goes, you're not supposed to have three people living. And I go, exactly, exactly.

[C]

What are you gonna do about it?

[B]

I need a letter from you saying that it's come to your attention that three People are living here. And one people has to leave before the end of the month. And he's like, you're not supposed to have three people.

[D]

I'm with you.

[B]

I said, I'm with you.

[D]

We're on the same day with me.

[B]

I need you to send me a letter that says as much. He's like, why do you have. That's against the lease. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're on a roll. Keep going. I could evict you. Yeah, yeah. Good. Good stuff. So then I had to open the letter that came like four days ago. What's the meaning of this?

[D]

What happened here?

[B]

Here's something unusual but trend I'd like to start. Why doesn't everyone gather around while I open the mail?

[D]

A lot of reading campaigns.

[B]

The Penny Saver. Look at that. All right, what's next?

[D]

Important.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Someone has to leave. Oh, Jesus Christ. Wow. I can't go home. And we got the one guy to move out. That's good. And we never told him. Except for now maybe we did. All right, we got the Rotten Tomatoes game. We'll take the break. We'll do the Rotten Tomatoes game. First I'll tell you about Tommy John. Time of year to drop all those bad habits and pick up some Tommy John's. Everyone start the 2019 off right with Tommy John. Most comfortable men's and women's underwear on the planet. It keeps you neat and nestled and in one place. Soft contour pouch. Comfortable stay put waistbands. Soft moisture wicking fabrics. Time saving, Quick draw fly. Perfect solution for guys who are constantly adjusting down there. The best never go back. That's it. There are other companies out there making things that are close, but nothing as good as Tommy John. When I travel, always pack them. Did something a little bit. Probably against company policy, but I was wearing them in the swimming pool down at the resort and I hung them off my balcony to dry. Not a great. Not a great aesthetic at the. At the resort. Aesthetic. But they dried lickety split and they're back on for dinner. So not only does Tommy John have a new wedge, you don't have to. We talked about it. I like to recycle. I like to save energy. I don't have to wash it. I jump in the pool with them. I hang them out. They dry fast. I put them back on. It's the best pair you'll ever wear or it's free. Guarantee it's the best. It's Tommy John, right?

[I]

Dawson, hurry to tommyjohn.com Adam right now. For 20% off, your first order, that's tommyjohn.com Adam. For 20% off, [e-mail] Tommyjohn.com oh, he's

[H]

so good at that.

[B]

He's good. All right, let's take a break. We'll come back and we'll play some Rotten Tomatoes with Ron Funch.

[I]

Maybe it's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[J]

Adam, if you keep telling people from California that you just moved to Texas,

[B]

I'm gonna hire Mark Garrigus and sue your ass. Stop it. You guys are ruining our state. Stay in your state filled with homeless

[J]

people and typists and crap all over the streets. We. You don't want it here.

[B]

Stop.

[J]

You can come. Tina and Brian, you guys can come too. Everyone else, stop it.

[I]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[B]

I get it. It's like what Waze did to nice neighborhoods.

[C]

Shortcuts.

[B]

California's gonna do that to Texas. Like all the ass wipes are gonna just move out and just start going right through your neighborhood. By the way, he said homeless and typhus. I thought he said homeless and typus. That's what I heard. That's what I heard. Typist. Why do we need to get rid of the stenographers? Yes. And so I did a thing that everyone needs to do with their brain, which is homeless and typist. Homeless and typist. Why would he say typist? Why would you include those? Is that even a job? And then who has to move out because they're typist? Took me three seconds. I got typed. Let me hear it again, Dawson. Let's see if we hear. Type it. But you can't say typist.

[J]

Move to Texas. I'm gonna hire Mark Garrigus and sue your ass.

[H]

Stop it.

[B]

You guys are ruining our state. Stay in your state filled with homeless

[J]

people and typists and.

[C]

Yeah, I heard typists as well. And then corrected to typhus.

[B]

Okay, sorry.

[C]

You're not alone, Ron.

[B]

The Rotten Tomatoes game. This half of the show brought to you by Med Men and Tommy John and Hunt. A killer and simply safe as well. The Rotten Tomatoes game is us guessing the Rotten Tomatoes score on any given movie.

[H]

Okay?

[B]

The notion is get as close as you can. This is just the regular critics, not the top critics, not the audience, but just nice critics. So what the critics gave on any movie, and if you get it, the percentage exactly on, you get a five point deduction because we're looking to get the lowest score, we get $5. I'll give you $5.

[H]

Okay.

[B]

What's 20% of $5?

[D]

I have no idea.

[B]

We'll figure that out. All right, that's a dollar. Here we go.

[I]

The Rotten Tomatoes game is presented by Truecar.

[B]

Listen to that noise. It's a high falsetto voice that can only mean one thing, and you can feel it.

[F]

Got some names of flicks and the

[B]

game makes their picks. Guessing if it's right and your friends if it doesn't. Exactly. We'll get a bonus 5. It's the rock Tomatoes game. You know how we do it. Give me the Rock and Tomatoes game. Now it's time to play.

[H]

Oh, that could be a real song.

[B]

Indeed.

[I]

So it's 2019. We're firmly in the month of January. In honor of this wonderful month where movies go to die, we thought we'd theme this round off some memorable January releases. Beginning with a film like the Fresh Prince in Reverse. Our protagonist Ashtray is forced to move back to the hood where he reconnects

[B]

with his new Michael Jackson's kid Ashray. Okay.

[I]

This nuclear armed cousin Loke Dog. Starring Marlon, Sean and Keenan, Ivory Waves and Wayans. And the host of the original. The original host of Vibe, Chris Spencer.

[B]

Wow.

[I]

It's 1996's Don't Be a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood.

[C]

All right, so is it 90 or 99?

[B]

Oh, it's gotta be over 100.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right. The critics didn't. There's some great laughs like it, but there's some good laughs in here.

[D]

How much for one ribbon?

[C]

It's poured in my hand.

[B]

It can't be. You know, it's not 10%. It's got to be higher rotten. By the way, 60% is what gets you to fresh in this. In the Rotten Tomatoes.

[H]

I don't think they got there.

[B]

That's neither here nor there for the game. All right, so what did the critics say? Funny performances, some funny lines, but they couldn't have loved it overall. So write down your score. Okay, I'm locked in, everyone. Locked in. Brian, what do you got?

[D]

It's not a great movie. Some good laughs, but the critics did not have been kind to this. I said 40.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Ron, what do you got?

[H]

I feel like I love this movie. It's one of the movies that really helped shape my childhood and my sense of humor. I love, love the Wayans and I learned so much of it, so I assume that everybody else hated it and I gave it a 25.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Ron and I are simpatico. I was thinking the same thing. There's no way. Even if they liked it, they would have admitted to liking it. I said 28.

[B]

I went higher just based on there being laughs in here. So I went 49.

[I]

First off, how much for rib was from 1998?

[D]

I'm sorry. I know I messed up that up.

[F]

Shoot.

[I]

And don't be a menace to South Central while drinking your juice. In the Hood is rotten at 31%.

[C]

Okay, great.

[B]

Everyone's in the still in the hunt. All right.

[I]

When we saw that another M. Night Sham Lam Lam movie was slated for January, we knew there would be no twist ending. It was just going to be. Little did we know this film would revive his career, not kill it. 2017's split

[D]

saw it one of the most profitable films in film history. A 2,000% profit, huh? Yeah, it cost like $5 million and made well over $100 million.

[C]

I can see that.

[B]

Who stars in this?

[D]

James McAvoy. He's very good. They're making a sequel to this. It's coming out soon.

[B]

All right, so this got the release in January because M Night was not riding the crest a lot of. But apparently people thought it was good. I never saw it. Brian saw it, but we can't trust what he says.

[D]

Did anyone else see it?

[B]

I saw it, but I can't trust what Gina Grant said. What did you think of it?

[C]

Well, I didn't know the other movies that sort of tie some of this stuff together, so I was a little underwhelmed, but I thought the performance was amazing. Does that make sense, Brian?

[B]

According to max capata, 280 million on a 9 million dollar.

[D]

Yeah, that sounds about right.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

All right, so massive hit.

[B]

I was so we in the 80s. We're in the 70s. Don't listen to him.

[D]

It doesn't always mean good.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I. I have zero idea. I've never seen it. Doesn't seem to show up on cable that often.

[D]

It's only a two years old from two years ago.

[G]

2017. Wow.

[B]

All right. No idea where to go here. So I'm gonna write down everyone locked in.

[H]

I'm going.

[B]

I'm now I'm writing down 78.

[D]

Yeah, you're gonna be close. This is a good movie. 83.

[C]

I also thought this was a good movie. I said 79.

[H]

I never even heard of it. So I put 80.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[I]

Split is certified fresh at 76.

[B]

The audience has it at 79.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[I]

Clint Eastwood is a fan of releasing movies early in the year. American Sniper came out in January, as did this film.

[B]

Well, to be fair to Clint, he thinks he's going to be dead by Christmas. So I think he. That's more of a personal thing than it is a monetary thing. Like, I'm not going to see Thanksgiving this year, am I?

[I]

As well as this film about a racist grandpa hero. 2009's Gran Torino.

[C]

This is one of my favorite movies. You are so wrong.

[B]

It's funny because I've never seen it. I've seen bits and pieces of it. It didn't grab me, but everybody's like, oh, you got to see this. But I think they just think that because I'm a racist.

[C]

You love Clinton, this movie.

[B]

Yeah. It's like you love Snuffborne, right? I'm like, no, you gotta see this, Brian.

[C]

You really don't like this movie? I'm shocked.

[B]

What did you like about it?

[D]

It's very melodramatic.

[B]

It's.

[D]

It's wildly unbelievable. Not in the way that, like, a transforming robot is unbelievable. It's.

[C]

You don't think he could befriend someone from a different community?

[D]

Did not like it.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I gotta say, people really like.

[E]

Oh, yes.

[D]

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Not you.

[D]

I am in the minority on this one and proud of it.

[B]

Speaking of minority, let's talk about the themes going on here. Is this. You know, I mean, he's kind of a racist guy.

[D]

He sent his way.

[B]

Ways, set his ways, but his character seeks or gets redemption, but he gets redeemed. So we like that. I'm trying to look for the touchy, feely, critical part.

[D]

Very touchy. We'd call it melodramatic.

[B]

All right, so the critics, they don't like Clint, but they will.

[D]

Like, this was all 2009.

[H]

Yeah, they liked him then.

[D]

Okay, this is on the heels of Million Dollar Baby. I think.

[B]

Okay, yeah, I think. Or before.

[D]

No, no, definitely after.

[B]

Okay, then on the heels. All right, locked it in, everyone. Locked in. Brian, what do you got?

[D]

71. I'll be thrilled if it's lower.

[C]

So we're definitely voting with our hearts on this one. I said 90.

[B]

I had it fresh at 89. I.

[H]

Again, I did not see it. I am aware of this movie and I remember how many people were pushing it. So I said 90.

[I]

Gran Torino is certified for action at 80%.

[C]

Wow. People had it at 90.

[D]

I'll live with that.

[B]

Well, we're all kind of knotted up here, Everybody.

[D]

You know, it's Another terrible movie. The Mule.

[H]

Thank you.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I didn't want to see that.

[D]

Brutal.

[B]

Yeah. Why is it. Well, I know. Why is it bad? But it was like, I didn't. I. I didn't have any desire to see it. Good, good. You didn't like it. Okay, okay, okay.

[I]

This heartwarming January comedy features Philip Seymour Hoffman balling out a blind ferret, risk assessment and ass wiping with family heirlooms. Starring Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston. It's 2004's Along Came Paulie.

[B]

This movie is so on the nose. Like, he's a risk assessment manager for a big insurance company. And then the next thing you know, she's like, I'm going roller blaster, complaining. Not without a helmet. Not without a helmet. Because I'm 100% what I do all the time. Because I can have no dimensions to me at all. But you're gonna teach me how to live. Yeah.

[C]

Really live.

[B]

It was just like, if anyone ever saw that script, I'd be like, what? Why? What? Like, what are we. What are we doing? It'd be like me saying, hey, I want to open a pizza place. Medium crust pizza, fair to middling topics. And you just go, why? Why did you have good stuff? My passion, like, this movie had to be definitely Ben Stiller, Jennifer Anson. Like, sign. Like, somebody just went, we'll make this. You can get these two people. You've heard of our other two people doing it. If not, I have no. Like, my biggest insult for a movie is why, Like, I don't. I don't have any wise about the Human Centipede or any of these other movies.

[D]

That's actually a good movie.

[B]

You wouldn't try to do something or it didn't work or didn't. It didn't. But this is like, oh, come on, who's this for? And why do we need another one of these? That being said, Philip Seymour Hoffman, like, playing basketball was funny.

[D]

There are some funny parts of this movie. The basketball scenes are pretty. Pretty hysterical.

[C]

Never saw this.

[B]

Yes. Alec Baldwin, I think.

[D]

Yeah, Baldwin was good too.

[B]

It's a totally watchable movie just because it has so many likable, watchable people in it. But critics could not like this movie. But what are we talking about? We're talking about 56. Are we talking about 36? What? Where are we with this? All right, I'm gonna lock it in. Brian.

[D]

Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston are very likable, and there are some funny parts of this movie, but it is very bad. So I write it down the middle at 50.

[C]

Oh, wow. Wow, that's high to me.

[D]

It might be. It might be.

[C]

I never saw it, but just judging from everything I know about it, which is very little. 29, Ron.

[H]

I also didn't see it, but what I recall is that it's like you said, it seemed like it was just a right down the middle comedy. But I do remember it making people wanting to buy ferrets. So I gave it 48.

[B]

I gave it a 41. I didn't factor in the fair factor.

[I]

Along came. Paulie is rotten at 26.

[D]

That's good news for Gina.

[B]

Damn.

[C]

Feeling good.

[D]

Bad news for the rest of us.

[B]

Damn. I was thinking it is that thing where you go, well, what critic worth their salt would give this a thumbs up? And if you do that math, you go, well, nobody. And it should be 14, but you still give it. Nice. All right, here we go. Is this the last one?

[I]

Our final film?

[B]

I'm gonna say everyone's within striking distance at this point. Genus a little ahead, but everyone's within striking distance.

[I]

This movie is in the top 30 highest grossing January releases of all time. It stars Michael Keaton as a troubled man being tortured by the death of his wife. When he discovers he can communicate with her through white noise, he accidentally lets something unwanted into his life. It's 2005.

[B]

White Noise.

[C]

This is upsetting.

[D]

Has anyone seen this movie?

[B]

No.

[D]

Damn it.

[B]

Why? I haven't seen it either. Okay, I want to know what you thought.

[D]

Oh, crap. I don't know anything about this movie.

[H]

Oh, okay. Oh, I should have been looking at the posters.

[B]

Yeah, I looked at. Do they ever have movies? They have one called Moving On. Like, you know, when the wife dies and the guy goes out whoring. All right, next I'll get myself two Corvettes.

[D]

Well, that's sucked.

[B]

One for me, one for my girlfriend.

[D]

What year was this, Dawson? What year. What year did this movie come out?

[I]

This was 2005.

[C]

So before any big Michael Ker Keaton.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

You said this one made a lot of money. I forgot.

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

Or this one.

[F]

Bomb.

[I]

Top 30 Highest Grossing January releases of all time.

[H]

That makes me think that it's got

[B]

to be a bit Highest scoring Asian in the NBA. All right, what do we do here? I mean, it's all Gina. Gina's got a little lead. Not a big safe lead, but a little lead. So she's got to play a little defense here. Play it safe. I feel like Ron, Brian and I are all kind of knotted up. I may be A couple of ticks ahead, but what do we do? Do we swing for the fences here? I think we're more in the go for the triple category. And you're in the block, the plate category.

[D]

Close enough that we should. Trying to get the score, though, right? Like, I think I was off by more than 10 or 15.

[B]

Yeah, we could all do it. So let's lock it in. People didn't like it, but did they hate it?

[H]

You think people didn't like it?

[D]

Watch this. Be like an 85 movie.

[B]

Well, it grossed a lot of money, so there's got to be a little word of mouth. And that kind of stuff

[D]

was exactly setting the world on Fire in 2005. It's like people rushed out to see them. Michael Keaton, movie anxiety.

[B]

Ron, you go first.

[H]

Okay, here's my reasoning. The poster is trash. It doesn't look good.

[B]

You know what we should do? We should put all the posters together on one page, and then I should bring strangers in and go, Ron Funches. He only saw one of these movies. Only one. Can you guess now again, out of the five, you have a very low percentage chance. 20%. Black comedian Ron Fudge. Only one. Only one. Out of all the posters, can you guess which one?

[H]

I like that.

[D]

What's your reasoning?

[H]

Okay, poster's horrible. It did get a lot of money, though. And at least to me, like, nobody would have saw it unless there was a big word of mouth about it being really good. So I'm doing it at 82%.

[C]

Holy shit.

[B]

Holy shit.

[D]

Ron, if it's anywhere near that, you're gonna dominate.

[H]

That's why I figured I either had to swing, either it's going to be there and I'm going to win, or I was going to lose either way.

[D]

Well put.

[B]

Wow, Brian, what do you got?

[D]

30. Wild guess.

[C]

My heart is racing. I'm sweating. I don't feel good about this. But I tried to go as middle of the road as I thought this movie could go. I said 43.

[D]

Oh, I got a chance.

[B]

I said 56.

[I]

White Noise is rotten.

[H]

Oh, I'm not winning at seven.

[B]

Oh, shit. Horrible. Oh, Brian.

[C]

Okay, what did you say, Brian?

[D]

3.

[B]

Let me do the math.

[H]

I think I still might have one.

[C]

Oh, my. This is one of the top grossing movies of January of all time.

[D]

I only picked up 13 points on Gina there, though.

[B]

I was like, I've never heard of it. I'm sure it's bad. But if it spread like I was thinking about Ron, like, somebody must have said it was good and Moved it on seven. Wow,

[I]

Ron, you played a great game. I like swinging for the fences at the end of it. It obviously did not work out well for you. You're in fourth place and off the podium at 117 points, leaving the three of you guys as usual, Adam Carolla on the podium. Congratulations. 93, my man. That's a strong third place. Bald Brian, your score is in the 70s. And I have to say, congratulations to Gina Grafton, who won with 55.

[B]

Yes, Brian, 72.

[C]

All right.

[B]

That was a big ass swing there, man. All right. That's why I have to play the game. Feel good.

[I]

My favorite part, presented by TrueCar.

[B]

All right, we'll do the news in one second. First, let me tell you about Hunt a Killer. Do you love Escape Room? Look at looking for clues, solving puzzles. Bring the mystery home. Hunt a Killer New favorite obsession Monthly subscription where you become a detective immersed in a murder mystery. Each month, a fictional serial killer sends you clues, objects, and letters. You use them to solve the crime in real time. Matt, you doing a little man hunting on your spare time? Killer hunting more like it. Thank you very much. Yeah, this is really cool. It really is an awesome puzzle in a box. If you've got kind of a dark sensibility and you enjoy doing puzzles, it is a surprisingly immersive experience. So I definitely recommend it. You can play solo. You can do it date night. You can do game night with friends, even join their online community, work with other people. On the same point in the story. It strikes me, you know how they say, well, we got all these kids, like, who's gonna fight the next war? And it's like all the wars are gonna be fought by drones. And we have all these kids who are great on joysticks. We're gonna have a whole community of serial killer hunters now. Like, everybody's watching.

[C]

True crime enthusiasts like my wife could

[B]

be an FBI profiler. You could be as well. Like, she's watched 2,000 hours of his shows.

[D]

Everyone called.

[C]

Keith Morrison solves.

[B]

Yes, every woman I know. Hunt a Killer right now. Our listeners can go to Huntakiller.com get 10% off your first box. They only accept 200 members per day. So let's hurry. Let's get [e-mail]. get 10% off your first box. Get busy. Hunt a killer.com. all right, let's do a little news. Gina Graham a little bit. Give me the news with grad News with Gino Grad. Breaking viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me news with Gina Grad Trouble in the Middle East. Celebrity Trump meltdown. Seek news with Gina. Gina.

[I]

The news with Gina grad.

[B]

Hey, Gina, skip your first story and get to your second story, please.

[C]

Well, it's possible that Kevin Hart could get a second shot at hosting the Academy Awards. Ellen DeGeneres Training tried to facilitate an understanding between the comic and the motion picture academy by encouraging Hart to host in a taped interview from her show on Friday.

[B]

She's the Menachem Bagan of comedians.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

She gets involved. Lesbian Menachem Bacon.

[E]

Yep.

[C]

Now, remember, Hart lost that gig over some old tweets and jokes that were homophobic. That's about 10 years ago. So in an effort to rehabilitate his image, he addressed the controversy as a guest on the Ellen show. Here's a clip of Hart talking to Ellen about when the controversy started to reappear.

[F]

The headlines are, Kevin Hart refuses to apologize for homophobic tweets from the past. The word again was left out. Everybody took those headlines and started to run with it. So now the slander on my name is all homophobia. Now I'm a little upset. I'm a little upset because I know who I am. I know I don't have a homophobic bone in my body. I know that I've addressed it. I know that I've apologized.

[B]

So he's a top.

[F]

I know that within my apologies, I've taken 10 years to put my apology to work. I've yet to go back to that version of the immature comedian that once was. I've moved on. I'm a grown man. I'm cultured. I'm manufactured. I'm a guy that understands now. I look at life through a different lens, and because of that, I live it a different way. So now I'm kind of upset because these 10 years are just being ignored. They're being brushed past. Nobody is saying, guys, this is. This is 10 years. No headlines are saying 10 years ago he apologized. Nobody's finding the apologies. Nobody's finding the footage from where I had to address it.

[B]

I'd love. You know what I'd love to do a game. It's a game called we reanimate Richard Pryor and Sam Kenison. And we go watch this clip. Tell me what the fuck is going on. And they'd be like, is the black guy trying to fuck that chick? No. What's he do? He's a comedian. What's he explaining again? It'd be awesome. Ellen should just be like, here's her new job. She's got all the Money. She's talking about quitting her job. There should just be a train that goes to a fucking gulag for people that are homophobic. And she should just be the conductor, and she should just point.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Tell me your story.

[E]

Yep.

[B]

If it's good, you can get out of line. If not, you're going in the cattle cart. You're going to fucking gulag. Yeah. All right. When did the crazy scrutiny on comedians come down? But all right, Ellen will decide.

[C]

She'll make it. Right.

[B]

And I guess that's the show you gotta go on.

[C]

Well, yeah. I mean, she's an actor, lesbian comedian who's supporting Kevin Hart. So how much better can it be for Kevin?

[B]

So she's supporting him?

[C]

Absolutely. She wants a second chance for him.

[B]

Okay, good to host. I don't think anyone wants to. I think that there's a secret thing, which is I think people want to be asked to do it. But as a guy who wrote on the Oscars for the last two years, it's heavy lifting. Like, there's it's basically. It's basically this. It's like saying, ron, would you like to get into the octagon and have a professional fight in three months? And you go, oh, yeah, I'd like to do that. And then I go, fine, I'll see you at Madison Square Garden in three months. And then you leave and go fuck. And you're driving home.

[H]

Clearly don't know me that I said, yeah, I know.

[B]

I'm picturing you saying, yes. And then real. I must train every day and stop eating Froot Loops and it's gonna ruin the next three months of my life. Or, fuck it, no training. But I'm gonna walk in and get

[H]

killed, do a good job, because it's the worst audience. It's people who are so high society and highfalutin that you. And you don't. The best thing you can do is make fun of them. And then they don't usually respond to that.

[B]

Right.

[D]

And 20% of the people in the audience are very nervous.

[B]

It is a horrible audience. I do agree. But what I'm saying is you could either consume the next three months of your life trying to do bits, trying to get jokes, trying to call in favors from celebrities to do whatever, or you could go James Franco style like, oh, fuck it, I'll read what's in the prompter, and then it'll be a disaster.

[C]

Everyone will hate you.

[B]

So it's that way with the octons. Like, either train your ass off for three months and go, try it or fuck it, I'm having a cheeseburger. Okay. But the date is looming, so I think everyone kind of wants to be asked, but doesn't really want to do it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

The best praise. You're gonna. It was good.

[B]

It was good, right? So if you're agreeing to go into the octagon and then somebody taps you on the shoulder four days later and goes, dana White needs you to apologize to him. And you go, what? He's not gonna let you in unless you apologize. You go, oh, fuck it. I'm not going in. So I have the feeling that no one really wants to do it. They just. Obviously you've come to the point in your career when they ask you to do the Oscars. It is as good just about as doing the Oscars. Now you can do it in some suck. This will be better. I was asked to do the Oscars. That's the level I rose to as a comedian.

[C]

And he's. And he still wants in, or at least that's the appearance he's putting on.

[B]

Well, we'll see.

[C]

Yeah. Well, speaking of comedians, Tiffany Haddish showed people on New Year's Eve that even the most successful comedy black.

[B]

They say it still has Ron in here. I got this guy. Can we get a white guy?

[C]

Well, this is a. This is a pretty crazy story. The actress and comedian forgot parts of her set. She failed to kill connect jokes. And while audience members started booing and heckling and leaving, she apparently ended up sitting down and just drinking with them. I have two clips for you. This. This is a small clip from the show. Of course, it's not great footage. It's from the audience. But this. This is actually from the show. And then I'll have something from right before the show.

[F]

This is weird for me. Then it's gonna be on TMZ or whatever name like T me adage and

[B]

a bag of dicks on doing things. She was so.

[F]

I don't give a. Why don't I just move on and get closer, you know? This is crazy. I really want to talk about some.

[B]

Some stuff.

[F]

And it's like I can't remember none of it. I just feel like, whatever.

[C]

So it was a tough show.

[B]

In other news, Jimmy JJ Walker,

[H]

you are racist.

[B]

I didn't know for real. I make jokes mostly about folks of color. Three black people too much. They all have to do stand up. We don't do this again till February at the. Can you make a little room? Can we have a little affirmative action for redhead to get up there a nice ginger.

[C]

So people were like, what in the hell happened? What happened to her?

[B]

I'll tell you what happened.

[C]

Well, meanwhile, now for a little perspective where I'm just kind of connecting the dots here. I wasn't there. But as to why she might have had such a rough set. Haddish posted this video of herself the day of the show. It seems like the morning of the show.

[F]

What up, y'? All? It's me, Tiffany Haddish. And I ain't gonna lie to you. I've been out here in Miami since yesterday's night or early this morning. And I partied. I partied all night. I partied, not even night. I party all morning. I went to bed at 7. It's whatever time it is right now. I'm up, getting ready to do this show tonight, New Year's Eve. I'm about to party, about to party some more. Who coming to party with me? Who coming to ringing the new year with me? We at the James. I forget the name of the theater.

[H]

Yeah, it's a good start.

[F]

Go to my website, tiffanyhaddish.com. we can find out where.

[B]

Yeah. Let me tell you what happened.

[C]

Long night.

[B]

First off, any performance you see on New Year's Eve, this was a New Year's Eve performance. Any performance you see on a New Year's Eve is a total money grab. No one wants to fucking work on New Year's Eve. Nobody wants to work that night. If you think about it, like, even if you worked on Christmas or Thanksgiving, that's still not into the night, you know what I mean? Eat dinner, four o', clock, take a nap, whatever. Out and work that night. But New Year's Eve is a night every single person is out having a good time, drinking, getting their fucking party on. And you are supposed to be sober and working. So every New Year's Eve gig is a money grab. I've done them. It's not. I'm not saying anything. It's just. You make the decision, they pay you more because they're going, hey, man, it ain't just a Friday night. It's New Year's Eve and we're gonna pay you more. And you go, fuck it. I'll try to stay sober and I'll work on New Year's Eve. I've done it, Ron. You've probably done it. And so you go, all right, A. It's a money grab. So it's not like, hey, I'm filming my special and I'm tuning up or I'm doing it for the kids or the veterans or anything. It's like pure money grab. Next thing is, you start getting into travel and you start boozing. When you're traveling, like if you're on the plane, you're in first class, oh, we'll send you first class tickets, we'll fly out to Miami. You're sitting there in first class, you're getting your fucking drink on, because it's at the end of the year, you've been traveling, you're stressed out, you've had a crazy schedule, you've not slept at home the whole year. Year. And you go, fuck it, I'm just gonna go out to Miami, I'm gonna get my fucking check and we're gone. Next part is, everyone loves me. Everyone loves me. Everyone fucking loves me. That's good for a seven minute set, but it's not good for an hour and 20 minutes. So you find yourself having a few too many boozes on the plane or at the party or in the hotel or whatever. And then you're like, oh, fuck it, I'll drink a cup of coffee and then I'll just go out on stage and do my thing. And you go out there and it's like, it ain't happening. It's not there, and you know it quick and the audience knows it quicker. And I always look at it like we're talking about Magic Johnson hosting a late night show, which is like, he's Magic Johnson, the beloved Laker for 10 minutes into the first episode. At a certain point, he's a late night show host. He's gotta show up. He's not good enough. And I don't care how much we love you. You're that rock band or you're that comedian or you're that whoever. We'll give you about 10 minutes. And then after that, if your favorite band of all time is just drunk off their ass and knocking fucking mic stands over, you go, oh, what am I here for? Why'd I pay all this money and you paid extra money? Cause it's New Year's.

[D]

Speaking of you paying extra money, I'd imagine the New Year's Eve audiences, especially later in the night, are not the most attentive audience.

[B]

Right, right.

[H]

And you also. We are not even starting to factor in. I mean, everything about us is a tornado of a shit show. You throw in that it's in Miami right already, just not really that great of audiences because they prefer to be out and about dancing, doing cocaine. It's not a sit down, listen Type of establishment.

[B]

Right. So that just caught up to her.

[C]

Absolutely. And she said the same thing. She said, I've slept in my own bed 28 days this year. I've worked every single day. I got on the plane, I was feeling celebratory, and I made a mistake.

[B]

Yeah. And the good news, the thing I like about her, and I like her just from meeting her personally at the Oscars theater, I think it was last year or the year before.

[H]

Yeah, she's great.

[B]

She's great. The whole thing about this whole thing is as long as you own it and as long as you kind of realize, hey, man, I let the audience down and I drank too much on the plane and this one's on me. Good. Lesson learned. Not gonna happen again. If you go, fuck the promoter, fuck the audience, fuck everybody, fuck the airplane pilot, or I was overserved or whatever it is, then you learn nothing, and it shall happen again.

[H]

That's exactly what I loved about it. She didn't blame anybody but herself. She knew exactly what happened, that she was unprepared, and then she was too drunk and she didn't do her job well. And that happens to all of us. And it's fun. And like you said, I mean, I've known her for a little bit. She's one of just the coolest people in general to hang out with. And she just. It's awesome. It's awesome that she's that famous that watching a bombing set gets her new IS news. I love to watch my friends bomb. It's one of my favorite actors.

[B]

All right, so I predict this won't happen again, or she'll die in rehab, let me tell you. But I'm hoping for that won't happen again. Simplisafe. Almost half of us make New Year's resolutions. I would have made Simplisafe a New Year's resolution, but I already have it. How about you save money? How about you get organized? How about you start with SimpliSafe? 2i's in there. One resolution worth sticking with all year. Keep your home and your family safe. SimpliSafe 24. 7 home security. No contracts or catches. Feel protected every time you shut the door and leave for work or you head out for the night. More than 3 million people feel this way. They use SimpleLife Every Day. PCMag says its name Simplisafe. Editor's Choice and Reader's Choice for 2018. Peel and stick up and running in under an hour. You can go online and order it. Shows up at Your door batteries last up to 10 years. Just go to SimpliSafe.com. adam, that is SimpliSafe.com. all right, let's do one more.

[C]

All right, well, switching gears a little bit in 2018, of course, former Cosby show actor Jeffrey Owens was publicly shamed for working at Trader Joe's, and that became a top story. Now the same thing is happening to former Idol, American Idol co host Brian Dunkelman. The show let him go after the first season, and for the past three years, apparently, he's been paying bills as an Uber driver. According to tmz, they got divorce papers leaked to them and released that Dunkelman fired back on social media.

[B]

We're the worst society ever. Yeah, we're the worst.

[C]

I couldn't agree more.

[B]

He said a guy just basically went, look, my co host says, fucking frosted tips. This is some sort of glorified church singing show. I'm a comedian. I'm out. And we'll never stop punishing him for that.

[C]

You're absolutely right. So he said two TMZ into Harvey Levin, I chose to stop doing standup comedy and started driving an Uber so I could be there for my son as much as he needed after our life, as we knew, was destroyed. Print that.

[J]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. Sad for me, too, because whenever Kimmel does interviews like Carolla, is that your jungleman? Who would you rather be, a Dunkelman or a Lewinsky? What's Carolla doing? He's giving you Lewinsky's while he's your Dunkleman. How's it going, Kimmel?

[D]

Lewinsky's doing all right.

[C]

See that dress, Kimmel?

[H]

We call it Janetti's where I'm from Genetti's, because there's a wrestler. Shawn Michaels, Marty Janetti. Oh, you're either the Michaels or the Janetti.

[D]

Shawn Michaels became a superstar hall of famer, and Marty Janetti is Marty Janetti.

[H]

Janetti put up a post about whether it was okay for him to date a woman that he didn't know if it was his daughter or not.

[B]

Oh, my. Well, it's always okay if you don't know.

[H]

Plausible that I. Yeah, but he was, like. He was 30% that it could be.

[B]

Well, that's. That's happier than a toy coin toss.

[D]

Weren't they the Rockers? Yeah, the Rockers. Tag team. Shawn Michaels, international superstar.

[B]

Wow. We're looking at them. Which one do you think made it hard to tell? It's hard to tell, actually.

[C]

They look like Jem and the Misfits.

[B]

They both look they both look insane.

[J]

Okay?

[B]

They both look like they were extras in Mamma Mia.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

It was a different time.

[B]

A simpler time.

[E]

No, they got a lady.

[H]

They got a lot of girls looking like that.

[B]

So I'm guessing Giannetti's the guy on the left.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep. Yeah,

[H]

he gave you the Giannetti vibe.

[B]

Yeah, I just got the. I'm a paisan, you know. You know, Mario Giannetti. All right, where were we? One more.

[C]

All right, well, we're gonna go full international on this one. Supermodel Bar Rafaeli may face charges of tax evasion, money laundering, and perjury.

[B]

I like her more. Work it out.

[C]

Oh, yeah. You know who she's notoriously tied to in the dating world?

[B]

Leonardo.

[C]

That's right. According to Page Six, Israeli authorities notified her Thursday that she may be indicted for lying that she was living with Leonardo DiCaprio in the U.S. even though her primary residence was in Tel Aviv. Israeli authorities believe she did this to hide More than 6 million bucks she earned from 2009 to 2012. Her attorney. Wait for it. Moishe Mizrahi, you're not super surprised. Claims Barr hasn't hit it. Hit anything. She's reportedly worth about 20 million. And by the way, this isn't her first brush with problems.

[B]

How does it work in Israel?

[D]

Like, it's one hot ass Jew.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you have, like, cab drivers and guys who worked at fast food and stuff when everyone's an attorney? How's that work?

[C]

It's a very good point.

[B]

I mean, everybody. Every single person there's an attorney.

[C]

Yeah, you have to go into the army and you have to be an

[B]

attorney, and you go into a place and go, hey, I need my boot repaired. And they go, I'm an attorney. Don't look at me like going to the French Riviera.

[D]

Who's got some accountants?

[B]

Oh, yeah. You know, you shouldn't stereotype.

[C]

They still can't cobble.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

So. She also became the subject of criticism in 2007 when she briefly married a family friend to dodge military service. Because you have to go into military service at 18.

[B]

Too hot.

[D]

Male.

[C]

But married women don't have to. So she just married her buddy.

[B]

Listen, Too hot. Big distraction.

[C]

Not gonna work in the military, having been to Israel. Everybody, okay, not everyone is bar, but everyone's super hot. And they all have, you know, AK47 strapped to their back, and they're all in their uniforms. Israelis are hot.

[B]

I get it. Named after passing the bar, by the way. That's something you must do before you become an attorney. There. Now everyone goes to court. I'm suing you. No, wait a minute. I'm suing you. The judge is like, no, I'm assuming both of you.

[D]

This is my daughter, Elsat.

[B]

So the. All right, I get it. They're hot. But she's distractingly hot.

[C]

Yeah, no, she's a superhero.

[B]

She's not going to work in that man's army in that woman's army. And look, if you made a shitload of money modeling, I don't care if you laundry some of it or launder some of it.

[C]

With Leo.

[B]

Yeah, with Leo. So she owes. Well, I wonder what the tax rate is in Israel. I mean, they got, you know, they got. They got a lot of overhead over there. They got a wall to keep up. You know, they.

[C]

And I think they have a lot of public services, so I would imagine it's pretty high.

[H]

But I could be wrong.

[B]

Curious. I wonder what I wonder. I'd be curious, Max. We don't need it for this show. But just the effective tax rates there versus, like, just the United States, like, just in general. Don't give me the corporate whatever, but just, like, what's the average. Average guy lives in Tel Aviv, what does he pay versus the average dude here. All right. Did you bring it home? Bring it home.

[C]

I'll bring it home right now. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. Gina's daddy got someone fired so she could get a job in radio.

[B]

Gina, Gina. With Gina Grad, Ron's got himself a very funny, special giggle fit. It's available you can find on Comedy Central, and you can find it [e-mail] on demand as well.

[H]

Or just download the album version.

[B]

Or just download the album version. He's got live shows coming up in San Francisco and in Maryland and all in between. For dates, go to the red website, Ron Funches f u n C-H-E-S.com and find out where he's playing and when he's coming to attend. Near you, right, Ron?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Please.

[B]

You can find me at Irvine at the improv. Coming up January 24th, Connecticut Foxwoods. That'll be February 8th. And then Boston Wilbur Theater February 9th. Stand up over there and come on out and say hi. I'll keep you more abreast of those situations when we get closer. Also, check out the podcast Lady Gang. Every Tuesday and Thursday on Podcast one and wherever you get your favorite podcast and hang out for a little good sports with me and Shaq until next time, I'm Crow for Ron Funches and Gina Grand.

[D]

Bob.

[B]

Bryan, say mahalo. Stop lying, stop talking.

[A]

All right, this is adam Kula Show 2481. Coming up next, we have Adam Kulishow, 2489, with the great Gary Sinise, Gina Grad. And Brian Bishop from 2019.

[B]

Good day, Gina Grad.

[C]

Good day to you.

[B]

Handball. Brian, eat a dick. And Gary Sinise in studio. Good to see you again, my friend.

[E]

Thanks very much.

[B]

There's many things going on in the military world and the auction world and entertainment as well. We'll get into Gary with that. Gary. I'm in love with Gary Sinise. Everybody just says he's the best guy on the planet. I know it firsthand because I showed up about three, four years ago to a race in Coronado. Coronado island on the military base. And there was Lieutenant Danban all set up and playing for free.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

And I was so nice. I was so excited to see Gary and hear the band and the music and think. Gave me a little tour of his tour bus and showed him the race car. It's all very. It's very American.

[E]

Was that one of the Paul Newman cars?

[B]

I think I was driving a Bob Sharp car that I think was a Paul Newman, as in Newman Sharp, Sharp racing team from back in the day. Or I was driving a Datsun 2000 roadster that I blew the engine up on. But I'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Max. Pat will tell me. He was there, but the band sounded great. How many dates do you guys play a year?

[E]

We average about 30, I think. Something like that.

[B]

And visually it looks like a Cialis commercial when we're up there. But audibly, it's totally different. The rock. It's rock. It's. Every time I see one of those commercials where a bunch of guys got together in a barn with one black guy, I'm like, who are these people? Work. How does this work?

[E]

But it's very entertaining, though.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Wait, do you rehearse in a barn

[C]

with twinkly fairy lights in the background?

[B]

Is everyone good enough that. And you play enough that you don't need to rehearse, or how does that work?

[E]

Yeah, well, we rehearsed formally about once a year when we learn some new songs, but the band's been playing now for 15 some years, so we can pull it together pretty good. If we haven't played in four weeks or something, we just get up there

[B]

and do it and all things military. I'm guessing and all the proceeds going to the military.

[E]

Well, the band is a program of my foundation, the Gary Sinise Foundation. So, you know, I only play for the military. That's all I do. I don't play for money or play for anything else. It's just part of the mission. So it's to raise spirits, raise awareness, raise funding, that kind of thing. And the generosity of the American people who support the Gary Sinise Foundation. We take that and we provide entertainment much like the USO does.

[B]

There's going to be a Jeep that's going off tomorrow as you hear this, and that's at Barrett Jackson in Scottsdale. So it's the big auction weekends. If anyone is curious about the big auction weekends, there's the pebble beach auction weekend. That's where I would go do the Rolex Historic race at Laguna Seca. Then there's Scottsdale. That's where all the RMs and the goodings and the Mechams, maybe Mecham Bear Jacks and all that. And then some point, Amelia Island, Florida. So there's like three bears, big ones. This is sort of the second in the Triple Crown or first of the year. And these things are getting massive. They're not only massive, they're massive TV shows. Like some of the best ratings, like Discovery Channel, the History Channel have, will just be these auction shows. They go up there, they bring these vehicles out there. Most of them are for profit, but some are for charity. And the charity ones oftentimes knock it out of the park. Park. Because you can write off part of it. Well, you can write it off past what the value of the vehicle would be. So if an 81 CJ7, nicely done, is 30 grand, everything past that you can tell Uncle Sam you're gonna keep.

[E]

And that's good. And that's exactly what they're gonna do with its Jeep.

[B]

You did that with Richard from Fast and Loud, right?

[E]

Yeah, we went to him. We proposed an idea about supporting the Gary Sinise foundation with refurbishing of a vehicle. He chose this 1981 Jeep. And all the proceeds are going to go to the Gary Sinise foundation from the auction. We're going to do it at 5:30 Friday and I'm going to be there. It's my first time, never been there before, so it'll be an interesting thing. I'm unlike you, Adam. I'm not a big car guy, but I'm learning more about it as time goes on. They did a TV show, the Fast and Loud TV show.

[B]

Yeah. Richard Rawlings is this real recognizable car character, sort of, I guess think, oh, God, what's his name? From drive ins and diners.

[C]

Oh, Guy Fieri.

[B]

Think Guy Fieri for cars. You know, you'll see him on Dodge commercials.

[D]

Few less burgers, take you to places. More wrenches.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, the motor town.

[B]

Kind of a personality meets, you know, wrencher. Probably a little more personality, like sort of Guy Fieri. A little less chef, a little more personality appreciator. But does it. Does these entertaining shows, gets these cars, you know, flips them, modifies them and does them all and then puts them up and sometimes sells them privately. But does. Does the charity thing. And he's got his name on it. He's. He is. It's been, you know, these guys, at a certain point, a lot of these guys sort of become like artists, you know what I mean? Like, it's a Picasso. It's got his name on it. It's gonna be worth something now. And one day, because his name is on it.

[E]

Oh, yeah. And you can see on that. I mean, he put the Gary Sinise foundation logos on it. It's on the speedometer. It's got Gary Sinise foundation and all this. So it's really specifically, you know, Raisin. Yeah, there you go. That's one of our com coins.

[B]

Oh, challenge coins. That's a challenge stuck to the side.

[E]

I love it.

[B]

One day after the rollover accident, they're pulling. The paramedics are pulling the couple out. They'll see the Gary Sinise upside down and we'll see if they can read Gary Sinise when it's inverted on the steering wheel. No, we wish him years of happy motoring, people.

[D]

I didn't really mean that joke.

[B]

They say horrible jokes and I go, but seriously, folks, we have some weird movies. Years happy. God bless him. God bless him. Godspeed and God bless.

[D]

Thank you for the charity.

[B]

So you'll be up. So it is a mad house. I mean, it is kind of Woodstock for cars. There's huge.

[D]

Only nothing like Woodstock.

[B]

Only. Nothing like Woodstock. Only totally different voting block. It'll be a bunch of dudes. It's a huge. It's a tent. But I mean, the tent will take up 40 acres and it really will, like. I don't know what they expect. Expect Max Apata over there, but.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I mean, it's just massive. It's just massive thing. City of tents and they just go in there. It just gets bigger every year.

[D]

Oh, rich man, poor man, tent city.

[B]

Yeah, I know. Wow. It really is. Yeah. Johannesburg and Barrett Jackson, Rich man, poor man should be having a drink in a tent, like having a. Drinking booze in a tent. That's not a middle class thing. That's on the street street sucking on some Sterno or drinking a highball with Richard Rawlings and Gary Sinise at Barrett Jackson Scottsdale. All right, 2016, when we saw Gary, I was driving the Datsun 610 Roadster. Broke in 2015. I chart my life through cars. So the book as well. We'll talk about that. Tell me about the book. Grateful American.

[E]

Yeah, I have the book coming out February 12th. Wrote. It took about a year to write it. It's. It's. It's Grateful American, A Journey from Self to Service. So it's really. It. It's a memoir. It goes through a lot of the early theater days that I started the theater company in Chicago, Steppenwolf, little known theater. Then into. Yeah, then into a lot of the. The acting work. Singular focus on movies and acting and theater and that kind of thing. And then post September 11th, really, everything changed. And I started devoting all my time, not all my time, but a majority of my time when I wasn't working to supporting the men and women who were deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan and been all over the world. Started the band, played multiple concerts over the years, probably 400 something concerts over the last 15 years for the military. Started the foundation. And so it really is this sort of memoir that journeys into the service work that I'm proud of and spending all my time on right now.

[B]

Let's talk about happiness and service. And I'll get a little cathartic here, but you tell me what your own experience is. You know, every time you talk to anyone, deep thinker, they go, happiness isn't about material objects or money or how big your house is or whatever. It's always about providing a service and human connection and volunteering. And we all kind of know it. We all kind of know the Christmas where you just kind of get everything you want. You just start tearing everything open and it's all there and you don't really appreciate it that much. What are you talking about? It's my kids. And then we all know that thing of when I was a Catholic, Big brother. It felt really good. Like I felt good about it, you know, And I was poor and I never got any gifts. I didn't ever even get a. I never really got thanked or anything from the kid. Later on I became a celebrity and I never talked to him. Ever again.

[C]

That was your. Thank you.

[B]

What is the ultimate of a star fucker?

[D]

Yeah, Star Ghoster.

[B]

We gotta work it out. Star Ghoster.

[D]

He kinda star ghosted you.

[B]

I literally saw him every weekend until I got on basic cable. And then I never saw him.

[D]

Look who's getting big.

[B]

He turned 18 and I never saw him again. But it felt good. So the question is. So every year I go now, come on, you know, oh, that's me and young Nate at one of the Catholic big brother barbecues when I was 28 and a half or 30 or whatever the hell I was.

[C]

Did somebody else spell out that name tag? Because your name is incredibly legible.

[B]

Oh yeah, I would never. I can't. I would put a swastika where the A was like not intentionally, obviously. No, I couldn't. I could. My penmanship would be so bad. Well, first thing I do, if I was writing my name on a name tag, I would start in the middle and run out of room for the M. Right. So the M would be on the sticky part. I'd have an arrow like a start writing arrows like go around.

[D]

Hi there. Madam.

[C]

Madam.

[B]

No, the M is around the back. Yeah, yeah, that's young Nate. Never, never heard from the boy. But either way, okay, it was good. Now I go. Okay, this is what happiness is. Service. You have to provide service. You have to do service. And I've completely ignored everyone's advice and my own advice and I just keep moving forward. Like I need another car, I need a bigger house, I need blah, blah.

[D]

And you're happier than ever.

[B]

I'm happier than ever. What happened? Tell me about your happiness. Less just general levels of happiness, the further you've gotten into service for others.

[E]

Well, look, I've had a blessed life in a lot of ways. There have been ups and downs, certainly in difficult times. And I try to keep those in perspective. The good times as well as the bad times. So you keep it all in perspective. I met a lot of great people. People over the years. Many of them have suffered and struggled and been through a lot of terrible things. I've learned a lot from them. I've felt blessed at the success I've had and tried to pass on some of the to others.

[B]

Did you have a phase or a time in your life when you were more self centered and less about service and more about about yourself, your career, your wealth?

[E]

Well, that's why the book is called that. It's a journey from self to service and how service work took over my life and how I really Feel like it's given purpose, greater purpose. You try to be a good dad, you try to be a good husband, you try to be a good family person, take care of all those needs.

[B]

I try to be a good dad. Yeah, try. You tried.

[E]

You're still trying to.

[B]

That's been saying I'm good three days a week. But is it safe to say that your happiness level has gone up? If we drew a graph of Gary Sinise's happiness level and his service level, that it would sort of follow the same trajectory.

[E]

Well, I think the service work gives life purpose, you know, a greater purpose.

[B]

Let's use purpose. Yeah. Happiness. Happiness. I think we mix happiness with purpose all the time. Whereas purpose is like. I feel like happiness is sort of a snow cone and cotton candy. And purpose is a big steak with some vegetables and some broth, like. And some a jus sauce. Like it's hearty, you know what I mean? I'm hungry, getting hungry. And happiness is just sort of the fluffy candy corn of life that everyone, for some reason is chasing after, but it's really, really sort of empty calories.

[E]

At least we can pursue it here in this country.

[B]

Yes. Yes. And I'm guessing you're a pretty patriotic dude.

[E]

Because I'm a grateful American, there's no question about it.

[B]

And in terms of happiness, I tell people I'm sort of a broken record, which somehow makes me into a douche. I guess it's not just that you're bigoted.

[C]

Give yourself more credit.

[B]

Something which is like, look, finding things about this country that don't work and trying to fix them or remedy them is a good pursuit. But literally walking in your house and fucking looking for anything, any crumb on the ground or anything, or finding something that does work and turning into something that doesn't work or looking for the negative constantly is a direct path to unhappiness. And I think this country does that. I think we're like dogs who just chew on their own thigh. Like, we just. We are obsessed with how bad this country either is or was? Who? I don't know. I mean, I can't measure it. Maybe Germany will give us a run for the money, but who talks about their country's deeds from 200 years ago and beats the shit out of them so themselves more than this country? Like, who? What we did to the Native American. Yeah, what we did. I don't know. We. My family's from Italy and my wife's family's like, literally from Italy. I don't know what the we is how many we's. Like how many guys named Jebediah are actually still here? Who are the great, great descendants from these guys? I mean, Gary Sinise in Forrest Gump. Yes, but there's not that many of his soldiers. How many, how get it. There's things that could work better and there are things that need to be fixed. But does it have to be this sort of this constant self flagellation? Yes. Like, it's like me going, oh, no, I love my son. I love me. He's a great boy. He's a dear Boy's a good. I listen, I'm his father. I have a. I'm a fan of. But all I do is tell him how shitty is all day, every day and what he could have done better and what he did in the past. And remember, remember the third grade? Not a good year. Not a good year for you. Many people were hurt. Many people that elementary school. Lot of tears. Lot of tears. Anyway. I love you to death. I love you to death. I'm proud. I love you. You're horrible. A lot of shame. A lot of shame. Why do we. What is this pursuit? I don't get it. I'm not saying put blinders on and march around waving a flag. I'm just saying what countries do we compare ourselves to around the world? Who's doing much better than us? Who's done better in the world than us? Well, yeah, but what about all that? Yes, there's always going to be that. Who are we comparing ourselves to? Is what I'm saying, like a fucking snow globe? Like live with a beautiful little village in it. Like who? What other countries don't have skeletons in their closet? A pass. But then who. Who gets called on when there's a tsunami? Who are we supposed to reach? Who wants to fix everything? Innovation, medicine. Would we be better with more countries around the world that had our mindset or less? What's the Middle East? What are we doing, Gary? Answer all of those questions. Answer everything.

[E]

There's a lot to unpack there. Look, my focus is. Yeah, okay. Every country on the planet in the history of the planet has. It has skeletons in the closet. It has its flaws. It has its history. You know, the, the history of the world is all about conquest and who had the bigger sword and who had the most guns and who had the bigger army. That's how borders were drawn. Right, Right. As the. As. As time goes on. So, you know, we all can dig into our past and not be terribly happy about it. On the other hand, here in this country, we have freedom providers, and we have. We have a freedom that when you travel around the world and you go to different places that don't really understand what that is, you have a new appreciation for it, and you have an appreciation for the people that fight for it and defend it and protect it. And I. I am a grateful person for that. I could spend all my time, like you, screaming about the crumbs on the floor in the dirty room and all of that stuff. And I'm sorry, Adam, you need some help there, but I could do that. But on the other hand, I've been to too many hospitals. You know, I've seen too many wounded folks with burns all over their bodies and blindness and traumatic brain injury and amputations and all this terrible stuff, this terrible scars and wounds of war. And I've seen resilient families throughout the past several decades going through these terrible challenges in the hospitals, and I found a way that I could support them and help them. And does that give life meaning and purpose? Yes. I feel like my heart was broken after September 11 and what happened to our country after that terrible day. And what the images of that day will never leave my mind.

[B]

Ed Asner said that was an American plot. So if you see him on the set, knee him in the nuts for all the people that are dead.

[E]

I'll try and get him somewhere.

[B]

Yeah, Ed Asner's a perfect fucking example of what I'm talking about, which is like, I get it. You hate this country that's provided so much for you. You'll never say, I hate this country. You'll just let it out in little bits and pieces like that. Well, that appl lot we CIA took down those towers, and he literally sat where you sat, and he's like, we could have liberated those concentration camps years earlier. And I'm like, or we could have not liberated anyone fucking ever. Like, okay, yeah, I'm not gonna argue with you. We could have made it job one and said, we're gonna stop whooping up on the Germans and the Japanese. We're gonna focus on liberating these camps. And. And who could argue with, we could have done it earlier, but who else did it is my bigger question. And did we do it at all? That's more of a focus for me. Again, who we compare. Okay. Mexico could have done it earlier, too, but they didn't. They didn't do it. They didn't do it at all. So, okay, Ed, you got a beef? I don't know. How's your beef? With Mexico. You got to beef with Mexico. They didn't liberate any camps.

[C]

They didn't participate.

[B]

So there you go. So shut up, is what I'm saying. Or just admit you hate the this country. Or better yet, just admit you hate your dad. Because that's what it is. It's all, I hate my dad.

[E]

Well, I don't hate this country. And I've been around the world. I've been to the war zones. I've been to places that don't really understand what freedom is. They've been living under the boot of some dictator for years. When you go to the border between north and South Korea and you stand on the dmz, you can stand right there. I don't know if you've ever done that, but I've stood right on the border. And you can. As close as I am to you, I can be staring in the face of a North Korean guard, and he's standing there staring at me. And the border's right in between us, and he can come right down. The people in the back behind me are free. And they have been for several years protected and defended by the men and women of the United States, along with the Republic of Korea. The people over here on this side of the border are slaves. They have no concept of what freedom is. They worship the evil dictator over there. That's what they do. Just imagine when. If that country, Korea and the peninsula there is ever unified. Just imagine the mass graves that we're going to find in that country filled with slaves worshipping the evil dictator for all these years. There are concentration camps in that country. Gulags. They still exist today. The people in the south appreciate their freedom. They know they value it. It's one of the strongest economies in the world.

[D]

World.

[E]

And the people over here are living in darkness. And they have been. So you appreciate your freedom a lot more when you go to places that really don't know what it is.

[B]

Did you. Are you surprised that here we are knocking on the door of 2020 and, I mean, I remember the kid in the 80s and young man in the 80s and stuff. I thought, well, by the time we get to 2000, will be like, you know, hovercrafts and borderless, and everyone will have a retinal scan and it'll be

[D]

like chasing on the moon.

[B]

Yeah, this would all be. But whatever. We talk about these thugs, the crime, gulags, whatever. Like, all right, the Berlin Walls come down. We had a little experiment, lasted 35 years. It was pretty evident to people what was going on on one side of the wall and how life was on the other side of the wall. Wall message sent to the world, Millions of people now with the ability to the Internet, cell phones, everything. It is, like, kind of devastating to me as a human that we're dragging this sort of archaic, almost like CRO Magnum sort of brain. You don't want to talk about toxic masculinity. I don't give a shit about kids race wrestling at a barbecue. This is what we should be focused on. How do we get. How is this still around? I know you don't have an answer. It's surprising to me. Is it surprising to you?

[E]

Well, I don't have an answer. But again, if you have a broken heart and you're in despair for something, there's a healing power in service work. That's all I can say. I have found my heart was broken when I watched people jump out of those buildings on September 11, 2001. And my heart stayed broken. And I needed to do something to assuage that broken heart, to change the course of my life at that point. So everything changed at that point. I felt our country was vulnerable. We all did. We all were scared. Everybody was scared, if you remember. I mean, all of a sudden, anthrax is going through the mail, and we think, what's going now? You know, are there more airplanes? Are there more bombs? Now we got anthrax. Everybody was paranoid about what's going to happen to our country. And so we were galvanized for a moment, you know, in support of some sort of reaction, you know, some reply, some response to that. How are we going to take on these bad guys and do something? And a lot of people raised their hands at that point. I've met countless service members, and I said, why, why, why are you in the service? September 11th.

[B]

Yep.

[E]

They. They watched it happen. Pat Tillman and they ra. They raised their hands. And having Vietnam veterans in my family and having. I remember all too well what happened to our Vietnam veterans when they came home from war. I. I was 18 years old in 1973, so it was the last year of the draft. And shortly after that, I met my wife. She had brothers who served in Vietnam, her sister's husband. I learned great, valuable lessons from them and also had a lot of compassion for our Vietnam veterans who were treated very, very badly when they came home from war. And I just didn't want that to happen to the people responding to the terrorist attacks at September 11th. So I went out and tried to help them and that, that gave life real meaning, real purpose. And it's brought a lot of joy to my life that there's something that I can do as a celebrity to shine a light on these people.

[B]

I got so many things to get into. I'll tease a question for you. You talk about. So Trump's talking about, I don't know, get out of Syria or wherever we're getting out of. Like, get out, get out, get out. Some people went in, some people went out. And it's always like, bring these boys home, bring these men and women home. And I heard somebody say, these guys signed up for this, they want to fight, they volunteered. They didn't volunteer to go get killed. But what I'm saying is this notion of, it's like my kids or something, like, hey, they didn't want any of this. Bringing, bring them home, bring them home. It's like, no, they're patriots, they're fighters, they're soldiers, they're trained. Many of them want to do their job. What they signed up for, the notion of get them out of there, bring them home, bring them home. We don't want to see any harm come to anybody. I don't know if that's what they're thinking. That's how I would be thinking. If somebody just dropped me off in Syria. I'd be like, I gotta get back to La Canada. But if I signed up and said, hey, hey, man, my dad did this and my brother's doing this appeals to me. I want to train and I want to be a part of this and I proudly want to serve. And someone said, no, no, come home. I might go, no, I want to be here with my brothers doing what I signed up to do. Gary, I think you'll have thoughts on that. And tell me what your assessment is of the average folks in the military who have volunteers volunteered. I'll let you steep on that for a second. First, I'll tell you about LifeLock. Experts say top cybersecurity predictions. 2019 ransomware is going to taper off. But cryptojacking and other money making schemes will increase government regulations and public sentiment on privacy. Will drive stronger data protection policies, more nation state attacks and surveillance of individual. Good thing. Lifelock Identity theft protection adds the power of Norton security to help protect against threats to your devices that you can't easily see or fix on your own. It's 2000. What did I say? Almost 20 people. Let's go. Let's get some identity theft protection. If there's a problem, their agents will work to Fix it. But you won't have a problem because you'll have Lifelock. Right, Dawson?

[I]

No one can prevent all identity theft or cybercrime or monitor transactions at all businesses. But Lifelock with Norton Security, can see threats you might miss on your own. Go to lifelock.com or call 1-800-lifelock and use promo code ADAM for an additional 10% off your first year. That's promo code adamifelock.com for an extra 10% off.

[B]

Phil the Labrador's in studio today because it's Rob at the other shop's last day. He's moving to Florida to purchase a home with his fiance.

[C]

Is he taking Phil?

[B]

No, but he brought us Phil, and Phil was his dog and he's in love with Phil. So I told him, I will definitely bring Phil over so that you can say bye. It's gonna be a very weird, sad meeting of Rob and Phil, and I don't. Obviously. I feel like Phil knows what's going on.

[D]

It's not goodbye, it's good journey.

[B]

I hate those people.

[C]

Yeah, clear. Phil's clearly all broken up about it right now.

[B]

Do you think you know what part of Florida he's moving to? Or he's just going to Florida? Would it be in Date County?

[G]

I was talking to Rob on Saturday. He was getting a little choked up.

[B]

He was getting a little choked up about Rob. I will leave them alone.

[C]

Yeah, give them their time.

[D]

I meant for social.

[B]

I'm not gonna stand there, watch Breakdown hugging Phil and Phil trying to eat his lunch while he's saying goodbye. All right. So, Gary Shanise. Sorry. What is your take on the assessment of what I just said and your average sort of folks that sign up for the military these days?

[E]

Well, we have it all volunteer military. If you don't want to be there, you wouldn't sign up. Everybody knows what they're signing up for. They make. There's an ultimate clause that they. They sign that means they're willing to give their life for their country. And it's a dangerous business. You know, certainly there are aspects of it that might be a little more dangerous than others. Infantry might be a little more dangerous than some else, but people continue to sign up for the infantry continue to want to fight. If you don't want to do that, you wouldn't sign up.

[B]

Well, it sort of strikes me that there's a balance, obviously, between putting your life in harm's way and being at a cocktail party 17 years later and going, I was in the military. Oh, what'd you do? I would clean the trays that they served lunch on. Like, oh, yeah, where were you? I was in North Carolina. Like, everyone kind of goes, oh, there you go. Versus I was in the second helicopter when we went over the wall at bin Laden's place. Like, now that's a. Oh, that's a different story for a lot of people. So I imagine if you're of the mindset to sign up for this, you do want to have those stories. You do want to say, I was in it. I was in the battle. I was a part of it. Now, not everyone wants to go out searching for landmines and flip flops in a broomstick. But, I mean, I think it attracts people who go, I want to be there. I want the action.

[I]

Well, sure.

[E]

I mean, the marines are a different branch than. Than the Air Force. I mean, everybody has a different specific calling. But I would say with regards to the guys that clean the trays, you know, everybody would say that every single job in the military means something. If you have. If you have dirty trays and bad food someplace, you're going to have a lot of people that aren't happy.

[B]

I just mean when you're trying to get laid at a party, don't worry. I'm a great American. I'm just thinking about this guy trying to get laid, saying he was in SEAL team six rather than working one of the main dishwashers.

[E]

That's all I get.

[B]

I'm thinking of him.

[E]

I get it.

[B]

Sure.

[E]

And everybody's in SEAL team six now, you know. Yeah, it's a good team to be in.

[B]

All right. We got other cars, by the way, how many people they expect to attend Barrett Jackson this year? They're going to have 1700 vehicles. Larry Fitzgerald is bringing a car out there for auction.

[E]

Three cars.

[B]

Three cars, fool. What? Three cars?

[G]

Three cars. 6H Chevelle 70, Plymouth Cuda, and a 68 Charger.

[B]

He's one of the good guys in the NFL, tell you what. And I say quietly, just because he's sort of quiet but going about breaking every record and being dominant for so many years. So he's bringing out a bunch of cars. And again, Gary will be there. You'll be. So what'll happen is they'll talk up the car. You'll be up on stage, they'll have the cameras and everything. There's always one guy who shouldn't be up there that they'll try to shoo away. Like one guy who's working in a vest with a lot of buttons clipped to it and they'll go like, get no. And then he'll hold up some general admission pass or drink coupon or something and they'll go, get no, get away from the jeep. Get away from the jeep. So it'll be that guy.

[E]

Richard will be there.

[B]

Of course Richard Rawlings will be there. Then he'll get up there and he'll crack like a Miller light because he's contractually obliged. And he'll go, woo. And he'll do his thing and he'll hold it up there and he'll talk about how him and the coffee crew didn't want to sell this baby. They loved it so much. By the time they're done with it and at some point they're going to hand the mic over to you. Now, moment of truth. This ain't a movie set. This is a big tent.

[D]

We're going to run some lines here. Gary.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I got 30 seconds to talk about my foundation and to kind of get. Get everybody excited about what the proceeds from my car are going to go to.

[B]

I get it. But you start off by screaming, who wants to party? And then you shotgun a beer like you understand. This is a big, raucous concert crowd I've seen dealing with.

[C]

I still have 25 seconds.

[B]

Yeah. I still can't start getting in all the nuts and bolts of the dot orgs. And you know what it means to you? I mean, you got a pound of

[D]

beer and you got a good USA chant would be.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, something like that.

[D]

Oh, Arizona's a border, you know, Border state. You can go build that one wall.

[B]

Yeah, you really get smart. You drop like Toby Keith's name. My good friend Toby Keith told me he wish he could be here tonight. You crack that beer and you shotgun it. Okay, See, I'm saying.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You're a performer.

[E]

You understand?

[B]

I don't have to tell you what to do.

[E]

30 seconds for that.

[B]

Well, look, you've not been there. You know what I mean? You may you been to the dmz, but not been to Barrett Jackson with the Heroes.

[E]

I'll tell you what, I saw the Steven Tyler auction when they auctioned off his car, and when it went for $850,000. Yeah, yeah, I saw him yelling and screaming.

[D]

I'll do that.

[C]

There you go.

[D]

Do that scarf tied around your microphone.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He has a song called Red White and you. He knows what he's doing.

[E]

Ooh.

[B]

You know. You know, it always adds to the mix. Throwing the bass guitar. Yeah, throw the bass guitar in the back.

[E]

I'm Gonna sign one.

[B]

And they can sign that bass guitar. Throw it in there.

[E]

I'm sure that'll bring a. Bring a lot, a lot of money in.

[B]

It's weird. They always try to add a guitar. It never really.

[D]

$110.

[E]

I don't want a guitar. I want a car.

[B]

Yeah. Whenever one of the ZZ Top guys is giving. Selling a car, I'm putting a guitar in the back. All right, that's a tack $18 onto whatever the total was. And let's keep moving. A Gary Sinise sign base, so that'll go in the back. Over 30, 300,000 expected to attend. Wow, that is big.

[E]

That's great.

[B]

When you think about your general events, your concerts and your festivals and all that kind of stuff, Super Bowls or whatever, that's pretty high. Mark 300. That's over the course of a few days.

[G]

About 2500 are expected to be bidders. And then the rest are just spectators.

[D]

Like Coachella.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it's correct. The best part. The best part is once you get in on the bid, they'll assign a guy to, like, stand next to you because he's kind of your Barrett Jackson liaison. And that guy just stands in front of you and goes, come on, man. Come on, man. It's for the troops. Come on, man. For the trips.

[D]

Does he really?

[C]

He's your little hype man?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Well, he's gonna be in front of you and he's gonna. Once they narrow it down to a few guys, because when you. When you go and the guy's going, you know, 100, 120, 100. And you go, 120, that guy will go, woo. Raises his hand up.

[D]

They sign you a huckster.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's right up in front of you and he's putting the screws to you. Wow. It's. And I have no. Do you have any thoughts about. Do you have hopes? What do you know? Do you have dreams? No. What do you think sheep's gonna go for it? You have any expectations?

[E]

I. I don't know. I don't want to give a number here. Then maybe too low or too high,

[C]

you want to jinx it.

[E]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

You're saying you don't know the number of the auction in advance. I get it. No, I. It. I know what cars are worth, so I. Normally, if you took a gullwing Mercedes, I'd go, it's worth 11 to 1 3. Probably hammer out about 1 2. And then with the vig, it'll Go. So what do you, what do you think?

[E]

What do you think? Are you Jeep's gonna go for?

[B]

Well, I have no idea because it's, it's a charity car and charity cars have gone ballistic in the past because of the write off and because of the charity. But some of them are like GM has donated the, you know, serial number one Camaro Z28 for 2016. So part of it is I'm going to get the number one Z28 Camaro to roll off the assembly line and, and that thing will have a great value down, down, down the road. This is, it's a CJ7. It's nicely done.

[F]

It's.

[B]

It's a CJ7 is 15 to 25 or something. I'm not deep in the Jeep world but this one with Rawlings and everything is, is good. But I don't know. It's all charity. All the money is going to come from the charity. I have found that these groups are very charitable. I found that these numbers go very high and I found that with the tax incentives and write offs, the sky's the limit. Yes.

[D]

Let me put it to you this way. When I did who Wants to be a Millionaire before I did it, I had a mountain in my head. I'm like this is the amount of. The least amount I hope to walk in away with. This is the amount I'll be happy with and everything over this amount. I'm thrilled. So give us the. Here's the least you should go for. What should they be happy with and everything. This would be the, this would be the, you know, the happy mark.

[B]

Well then the vehicle itself is 30 grand. So if you can get to six digits, if you can get above 100,000 bucks, I would, I would be, I would be happy with that. I would say that would be it. If it cracks. 250. That would be insane. So I'll say 1 to 250 max. Pata, can you find other examples of charity cars from Barrett Jackson that weren't inherently worth a ton? It can't be serial number one. It can't be LaFerrari or something like that. It's got to be something that is under 100 grand. That just went for well over 100 grand. I'll let you look for that and we'll see what we can prognosticate. We also have Hollywood hand me downs. The game to play. We're going to guess on the charity items from all the Hollywood auctions.

[C]

This is a surprisingly difficult game. Gary.

[E]

No, I'M sure.

[B]

Yeah, it's vexing. It's vexing because stuff is surprisingly cheap oftentimes and amazingly expensive other times, which is basically saying what Gina just said. All right, let me tell you about Craftsman. Just use my Craftsman tools this morning. Always have used the Craftsman hand tools. Now I use the Craftsman power tools. Lowe's, the new home of Craftsman, including the new V20 cordless power tool lineup. One battery system works on multiple products. 2, 4, 6, 8 tool combo kits. They have roto hammers. They have drills. They have, they're all brushless motors. So they work much better, much more efficiently. Impact driver, people, get yourself a V20 max impact driver. It will change your life. Proudly made in the usa, everybody. With global materials and Charlotte, North Carolina. For the latest in Craftsman product updates, you can go online. Go to Lowes.com Adam Great power tools. Always great hand tools with the Craftsman. Lowes.com Adam the new home of Craftsman. You found an F250. That's a Ford pickup truck. There's the F150, F250 medium and the 350s. The bigger it kind of keeps going.

[G]

But this one was built in the SEMA garage. Sold for 115.

[B]

SEMA garage. And it was a SEMA build. That's the big event I go to in Vegas every year. And sticker on a loaded F250 is, I don't know, 42 grand or something like that. I mean, if it's got all the good bells and whistles and everything. So this has gone up more than twice. Twice that. All right. You keep looking. We will take ourselves a quickie break. We'll come back with Gary Sinise and we'll play Hollywood. Hand me down next. And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a

[I]

Jew on the Adam Carolla show.

[B]

Dateline Alexandria, Ohio. Two brothers were arrested in connection with

[I]

a YouTube prank video showing one of the siblings speeding through Walmart wearing white

[B]

underwear and a red cape on a dirt bike. Definitely not a Jeep. Gary Sinise here. We got the custom 1981 CJ7 Jeep all done up by Richard Rawlings over there from Fast and Light. Very successful show on Discovery Channel. It's coming up. Do we find out when? Oh, and the book Grateful A Journey from Self to Service. You can pre order it [e-mail] org oh well, who could have ever

[E]

make their changes?

[B]

I do realize the issue impulse that just write dot and then put the word com. But this is why we must be diligent people Diligent. Do we know when. Do we know when the movie. Sorry. When the TV show comes out. We don't know when the season of Fast and Loud comes out, but it'll be this season. You'll see the Jeep. And for those of you who are thinking about bidding, a very cool thing to have is. Did we mention a signed bass guitar from Gary Sinise? Okay. Another cool thing to have is popping in the episode where your car was built.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

So it's sort of constant. It'll forever be young and forever be built.

[E]

And also, let me say the conclusion of the TV show is the auction. Oh, so they're filming the whole thing.

[B]

Oh, well, you win that bid and you'll be.

[E]

You'll be on tv.

[B]

You'll be on that as well. Fun thing to do with the Jeep after you show your buddies up in the garage is walk down to the man cave and pop in the DVD and watch yourself in the building of the Jeep. He or she. But probably dude. Most likely. All right, should we play the. The game?

[D]

Yes, we should.

[B]

All right,

[I]

it's time to find out how much did they pay in another round of Hollywood hand me downs.

[B]

All right, so these.

[I]

All of these items were in the most recent Profiles in history. Hollywood auction took place in early December. Here we go. Round one. Jules Winfield's signature bad wallet from Pulp Fiction. Talking Johnny Carson's NBC studio rainbow stage curtains from the Tonight Show. Or the kryptonite Kristen pistol from Superman 3.

[B]

All right, I'm sorry. The bad motherfucker is from where?

[C]

Pulp Fiction.

[I]

Pulp Fiction.

[D]

Come on.

[B]

I'm trying to.

[F]

Pulp Fiction.

[B]

I know, but I'm trying to.

[I]

This was used in the scene during the diner robbery.

[B]

Sorry. Yes, I got that.

[D]

Ringo took it.

[B]

And the curtain. I was distracted by a bunch of something that was on my desk. Sorry. The curtain is from Johnny Carson. That is the curtain from the tonight

[I]

show from 74 to 80.

[B]

It's funny. You look at it and you go, oh, yeah. Picture him coming through there so, so often. That is that the most surreal part about show business is when you finally end up on Letterman and you're back there talking to. Oh, God, Biff.

[D]

Tom Wilson was his name.

[B]

Oh, his name wasn't Biff.

[D]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I thought about the actor who played Biff and Back to the Future.

[B]

No Biff from Letterman. Like when you watch him as a black guy with a cap and his teeth and you're just. He's got like a headset on and

[D]

you just credit for The Tom Wilson poll.

[B]

Good pull.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for that. Now, please don't talk. And I was like, you're just standing back there ready to go on, and there's Biff, like, standing there. And you saw him when you were 19, like, jobless. Did you, Gary, you did that. You must have done the Tonight show with Carson, with Jay. Oh, just Jay. When was. I'm trying to think of when I was there. Something before Forrest Gump that would have got you on the Tonight Show.

[E]

No, no. Forrest Gump, I think, was the first time I went on Leno.

[D]

You didn't make the rounds for Of Mice and Men. I love that movie.

[E]

Not on the Tonight Show. I mean, I did some, you know, but it was Forrest Gump, I think, you know, that was kind of the biggest movie and all that.

[B]

Let me kiss a Gump ass for a second. Couple things when you can have a few moments that just are in the zeitgeist. Like, I laugh my ass off on an almost nightly basis because my son Sonny follows everyone around in the house. He's 12, and he just spouts out detail from, like, he'll just follow. Go, Kylie Irving. You know, when he was in high school, he was a guard because he was only 6 1. He grew. He's 69 now. He grew from 61 to 69 between his junior and. And senior year in high school. He imagine being in high show. So, Kylie. So Vince Carter, he won the dunk competition in 1999. He's still in the league. He's still playing in the league. Vince Carter's number three. All time in threes. People look at him as a dunk master. Vince Carter constructed. And he follows everyone around and just tells them stuff.

[D]

Final episode of Fantasy BS Available now.

[B]

And I said to him, I said to my wife, I said, this kid, he's. He's like Bubba Gump talking about shrimp. And so every time he starts spouting, off we go, we got coconut shrimp, we got popcorn shrimp. And everybody. Everyone starts laughing because everyone knows the scene. Like, it's that impactful. I thought the movie was. I saw it in the theater. I thought it was revolutionary, and I loved it. And I know, like, some people picked on it a little bit, like, here and there. And I don't mean that in a big way. I just mean, like, there's a lot of sort of folks that just their job to find things. That. That movie was groundbreaking to me, and I. That was excellent. And I thought you were in Tom. Everyone was just excellent. I loved all the flashbacks and running and growing the beard. That's just every part of it. I just love that movie.

[C]

Epic.

[B]

It was epic. Yeah.

[E]

It was a fun movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Great. Great movie to be in. I. I hadn't been in that many films before that, so it was early in the. In the movie career. I was grateful to get that.

[B]

So the wallet, the curtain, and the crystal.

[C]

Superman 3.

[B]

Oh. The kryptonite crystal. Oh. From 3, the Richard Pryor movie. Okay.

[G]

This is without the price. They add on the fig.

[B]

Yeah, the 10%. Well, you can. And we don't need to. But ultimately, as a purist, when people do a thing where they come go for the sake of argument. Not even for the sake of argument, for the sake of pride. When you sell your jeep, your jeep may hammer for $100,000, but the auction house gets 10%, and the person who bid is paying the 10%. So somebody was willing to pay $110,000 for your Jeep. And when people say, what did the jeep sell for? Tell them 110, because that's what somebody. That's the check cut. You know what I'm saying? People do a lot of like. Yeah, well, the Jeep sold for 100, but hammered for 100. No, that's the price. Whether it's tax on groceries or whatever it is, that is the price that somebody paid. Maxpeta. In the future, we will tack that on because it is the price that it's sold for.

[E]

We can do that.

[H]

No problem.

[B]

All right. And sometimes as the price goes up, like, car sells for 5 million bucks, that's 500 grand.

[D]

That's a good point.

[B]

That ends up to be real money. All right. Do we know what the auction house does with the vig? It's at least 10%. It may be more.

[G]

Let me check.

[B]

We'll figure it out anyway.

[G]

Oh, yeah, it is around 10%, but it changes, like, per tier. So if it's, like, over 100,000, it goes down to, like, 8%.

[B]

All right, but we'll figure 10%, just for the sake of conversation. All right.

[G]

Also, I just been told Barrett drops the vig for charity cars.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Ah, they do.

[C]

So good to know you're getting a deal discount.

[B]

All right. Oh, boy. It's tough, man.

[C]

This is a very tough one.

[B]

Okay. Oh, no.

[D]

Come on.

[B]

It's like, I can't. I'm all over the damn road here. Damn it. Okay, here we go. Brian, what do you think?

[D]

My guess is that the curtain went for less because it's one of several they Said it was from 74 to 80. So it's not the curtain. It's one of several curtains.

[B]

That is prime time, though. It is.

[D]

So I went with the wallet. Iconic. One of a kind. 5,000.

[C]

I don't know where anyone would put that curtain, no matter how much they love Johnny Carson. So I don't think that's the one. I love the wallet, but I think it's so. It's been so easily replicated, and you can get it at any flea market. I know this is the real one, but I think that drops the price. I'm not sure, but I'm going to say the Kryptonite at 12K.

[B]

This is why you got to play the game, Gary. You have to play the game.

[C]

What do you think?

[E]

Well, you know, I am going to go with the curtain. Oh, wow. Johnny Carson was on for 30 years. I think there's probably some crazy collector out there that really was a big, big fan over that period of time. So I'm going to say, like, $25,000.

[B]

The crystals from 3 are the kryptonites from 3, so not so much. The wallet just doesn't feel like there's enough there. Curtain. I guess it depends what age you are, but that was prime years from 74 to 80. I want curtain as well. I want 4. 40,000 on the curtain.

[I]

The curtain closed at $6,000.

[B]

Oh.

[I]

The wallet closed at $8,000.

[B]

Wow.

[I]

Leaving the Superman 3 Kryptonite Crystal, which closed $75 at $12,000 exactly.

[C]

Feeling good, feeling lucky.

[D]

That is shocking because that is not iconic and that is not a good movie.

[E]

Adam, you and me. Who are the old guys here? In this?

[B]

In this, I think it's you and me. Even if we count dog ears. I don't think Phil makes the cut.

[C]

Gary, that's not gonna happen again. That was lightning and evolved.

[B]

I'm also disgusted that we live in a world where that was the most exciting.

[C]

But, Adam, I was using your nerd logic on that too.

[B]

It is. Gary. It should be noted that nerds have a lot of extra income and are willing to pay ungodly prices for junk. That's how you become a nerd.

[D]

So throw a stormtrooper helmet in the

[B]

back of that jeep and watch it fast rocking. All right, here we go.

[I]

All right, next round. Chief Brody's eyeglasses from the movie Jaws. Sheriff Andy Taylor's badge from the Andy Griffith show, and a T. Rex screen used tooth from Jurassic Park.

[D]

Mounted nicely.

[B]

Beautiful. All right, well, again, using the nerd equation, you want to go with the tooth? To me, the glasses are iconic. The sheriff badge is great tv. Probably not as good as theatrical. I loved Brody. I loved that character. If you really think about that character, he was. He was like. He was bold and sort of heroic and sort of cowardly kind of at the same time.

[D]

He was every man. He was scared.

[B]

He didn't like the water, you know, but he was very dedicated to his town and his family. It was a perfect guide to put out in the middle of the ocean. He's literally like, I'm gonna shoot that shark was kind of his take.

[D]

Really had no business being there. They had the sea guy and Dreyfus, and they had the captain there. No need for the police sheriff to be there.

[B]

No, but Roy Scheider was great in that.

[D]

But is it the most expensive item?

[B]

All right, let's see.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

It's a good pot.

[B]

Great pot. Wait, we can hear Phil breathing. All right, we locked in.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

No confidence at all. Brian, what do you think?

[D]

I could have gone any direction on this. I went against my first instinct and said, a. Oh, no, sorry. The tooth, which I think is c. I said the tooth for 3,000.

[B]

Gary.

[E]

I'm going to go with the glasses. Actually, that was. It was a groundbreaking film at that time, I think 1976. It was probably the first big blockbuster.

[D]

It defined the blockbuster.

[E]

It sure did.

[B]

Summer. The summer one or the blockbuster?

[D]

It was the first one people lined

[E]

up around the block. It made more money than ever.

[B]

No, I agree. But there also, like, a summer release aspect to it or I don't know

[D]

the history that well. How many of those types of films were released during the summer. But that was the defining blockbuster of the generation.

[B]

Check it out. I'm going, what do you got? 10,000 on the glasses. Gina Grand.

[C]

I don't think it gets more iconic overall. I'm going against your TV theory, then. It doesn't get more iconic overall than Andy Griffith. He's Americana. He's beloved. It's a cherished show that people are die hard for when they love it. I said the badge at 9.5 thousand.

[B]

Now I own Otis Mason jar and Barney's one bowl.

[D]

You hang on to that, man.

[B]

So I'm hanging on to that. I'm rooting for the star, but. But I'm sticking with my own advice on the nerds. Jurassic park, big franchise. I went nine grand on the Jurassic park tooth.

[I]

The Jurassic park tooth closed at $8,000 with the vig.

[B]

8,800. I win. Next item.

[C]

Go Home.

[I]

Chief Brody's eyeglasses closed at slightly more 9,500 without the vig and minus the 500.

[B]

And with another item. I was spot on.

[I]

Gary's close to a point here because he's only 500 away from a bid, but Andy Griffith show badge went for $10,000. Gina grad with another two point round.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

I'm gonna go work at Saw the Beast.

[B]

Very knotted up. These. These items all within a few grand of you each other.

[I]

Gary's also going to get a point because he was 500 away.

[E]

I got a point.

[C]

All right, let's go to Butterfield. Bottom.

[E]

I'm on the board.

[G]

Jaws is the highest grossing film of all time until Star wars came out.

[B]

So. Yeah. When did it come out?

[E]

76.

[B]

I was curious about the summer part. I knew it did well.

[E]

I think it was 76. And Star wars was 78.

[D]

75 and 77.

[G]

June 75 for Jaws.

[B]

Yeah. Now you can look into it, but I just have a recollection of it being like the summer blockbuster thing. That's it. Ushered in, but go ahead.

[I]

Jake LaMotta's boxing gloves from Raging Bull along with a production shooting script.

[D]

It's over.

[B]

How about the guitar in there?

[I]

Steven Spielberg's director's chair back from Jurassic Park. Or Wolverine's claws.

[B]

Oh. From X2.

[I]

X Men United.

[D]

X2 is the best one.

[B]

Nerds. The nerds. Now, the gloves as seen on film, like, used for the. For the shooting of the film. Damn it. That should be in there with the script. Yeah, but damn nerds. Well, they're gonna ruin. They won't rest till they ruin everything.

[C]

Zuck wants that chair.

[B]

Here we go. You know, Raging Bull is just really one of the best films of all time. I mean, it is so iconic and so great. Just the black and the white part of it. And then, of course, the later with the putting on the weight and doing the whole. The whole thing also kind of found

[D]

respect later, you know what I mean? It wasn't hailed as a. As the great film that it later became recognized as.

[B]

Did it win the Academy Award?

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't believe

[E]

no Ordinary People won.

[C]

Great movie, though. You're not a fan?

[B]

No, it's fine. It's. No, it's not Raging Bull. It's fine. It's not Raging Bull. All right, Is everyone locked in?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Brian, how say you?

[D]

I'm gonna say the gloves because I don't. Don't underestimate the film. Nerd aspect. This is a black and White, you know, Scorsese movie from the glory days. This is a by film nerds. I said the gloves for 11,000.

[B]

Gary, how say you?

[E]

I'll take the Wolverine. Whatever. What he claws.

[B]

What? Adamantium pistachio openers.

[E]

Can openers.

[B]

There.

[E]

$8,500.

[C]

I. I thought about something you said before, Adam about. But what's it really made out of? You know, at the end of the day, is it PVC pipe? And I kind of thought that about the claws. So I went gloves. 35,000.

[B]

Wow. I like your headset. Except for I want 40 grand on the claws.

[I]

The gloves fetched the least.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Still nerds.

[I]

Still earning a point for Bald Brian at $11,000.

[D]

Needed that badly.

[E]

Wow.

[I]

Spielberg's director's chair back that one for more than the clubs fetched much more. 18,000.

[B]

This is all nerf driven. Yeah, that's all nerd driven. It's a Jurassic nerd versus the greatest

[D]

film of all time hanging over Fondelier's

[I]

desk, leaving us with the Wolverine claws which by the way are made of stainless steel.

[C]

Oh, there you go.

[I]

Going for $20,000 each.

[B]

Which makes the combined total 40,000 without the vic. You gotta continue reading, Dawson. When you just stop, people think you're dying. It confuses people. All right, let's declare a winner because Mr. Sinise has himself a hardish out here.

[I]

Gina wins.

[E]

All right.

[C]

I love those two words together.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you.

[C]

And a handshake from Gary Sinise. I won today.

[I]

Until the next auction. That was Hollywood. Hand me downs.

[B]

All right. The gloves from Raging Bull didn't get with the chair. The chair back is a wisp of fabric with Spielberg name that. You would never know what you could show anyone who came in your house the Lucite frame it was in and ask them what movie they thought it was from and they could always. They have no. They'd have no.

[D]

The Twilight Zone.

[B]

No idea. They'd have no idea. All right, let me tell you quickly about med men. When a healthy new year they got away from for you to keep your resolutions for 2019. Looking to get fit. You can try energizing edibles before you run or soothing CBD stick after you're done with your run. Or resolve to relax a little more and ease your anxiety with premium products from medmen. You visit a store near you. They have knowledgeable in store team including in house pharmacists at medical stores. Make sure you find the right product. You need easy to understand instructions for using it. And where do you go? You go to Medicare. Medmen.com find the store nearest you. Big and bright, not all weird and windowless and dicey. It's medmen.com to find the store nearest you. Medmen. How about it, Dawson?

[I]

Medmen's resolution for 2019, helping to drop the labels for cannabis users. Use code Adam Carolla at checkout to get 10% off your purchase. Visit a MedMen today. Limit one per customer. Terms and conditions apply. Keep out of reach of children for use only buys 21 years of age and older.

[B]

All right, so last time we'll review this. The custom Jeep built by the fast and loud guys and Richard rolling. He's going to be up on stage there. That'll be tomorrow. That'll be Friday night. That's in Scottsdale. Barrett, Jackson. All the money going to the charity people. And you can go to barrettjackson.com and you can participate online if you'd like. You don't have to make the pilgrimage out there, Arizona. Also, the book Grateful A Journey From Self to Service. You can pre order [e-mail] people. It's coming out February 12th, but pre order it and it'll be waiting for you when it comes out. Gary, thank you very much.

[E]

Great to be here.

[B]

Always a pleasure. We'll take a quick break. We'll come back with the news right after this.

[I]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[B]

Adam just passed in Delaware on I95.

[H]

The overhead amber sign, it was a two parter.

[J]

It said have a need for speed question mark.

[B]

Then it's said, you're not maverick. Slow down.

[H]

Also currently going 54 in a 65.

[B]

Love the show.

[I]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[B]

It is bizarre, sort of in my Gary Sinise frame of mind of like what's going on in North Korea in almost 2020. I feel the same way about these signs all around the country. It's a huge big elect. You can communicate with literally everyone who pays taxes. Because look, if you're at home and you're shut in and you're the Unabomber, then you're not on the freeway, but everyone else who pays taxes is somewhere on these highways and byways going to work or dropping the kids off or whatever it is, you have a way to communicate with all of them in every city. And there's a group of sort of unfunny folks who sit around and go, well, let's see, can we rhyme Grinch with unsafe lane change well, this is the holidays. Well, listen, Ted, I'm sorry you're Jewish, but I'm still familiar with what percentage of the motor. And they're trying to figure out what rhymes with airbag or what rhymes with seat belt, or what rhymes with the. Again, if it's an Easter thing, what rhymes with bunny? And who signed off on this. Why don't. Why don't we put real super pertinent information like become an organ donor. Put check on your neck, going in to renew your license. Check the owner, the organ donor box, or whatever, Mentor, child, anything. Anything other than what rhymes with Grinch. They're all like the dumbest. Like, the force won't be with you if you speed. You know, like it's fucking. What. What is that? Like, we're just out of problems or there's nothing we want people to do other than something with. Use your signals.

[C]

Yeah, the timely and topical Top Gun reference.

[D]

If you guys, it's always top of mind.

[C]

You're not Maverick.

[B]

Like, if you look up those things just throughout the out the country, it's a group of people you wouldn't talk to if you're at a party. Like, if this group was at a fucking party, you wouldn't go near the fondue pot. If they were all like hanging around and then they just try to think of weird little kind of sort of sniglets or something for motorists that don't give a fuck, it's weird again, I think you would like people to hit that box. Trust the force, but buckle up. Okay, but what about being an organ donor?

[C]

Or what about if it steers? It clears a classic for a reason.

[D]

Something tried and true.

[B]

All right, speaking of movie references, you

[D]

want to hear about Jaws real quick?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Jaw, from Wikipedia. Jaws was released June 20, 1975. I'm quoting here. Jaws also played a major part in establishing summer as the prime season for the release of studio's biggest box office contenders, their intended blockbusters. Winter had long been the time when most hoped for hits were distributed, while summer was largely reserved for dumping films thought likely to be poor performers. The idea being, I think back in the day, oh, there's too much to compete with in summer. People outside, they're going to the beach, there's tough to do. Winter weather's cold, people want to get inside, you know, want to get inside,

[B]

get away from now. Now they serve booze and gourmet food and we're all fat. We're like, fuck it, we're not going to the beach. But yes, it Was my recollection was. It sort of started the summer blockbuster. This half of the show brought to you by Pacquiao versus Broner. The second nine o', clock, showtime. SimpliSafe. Go to SimpliSafe.comm and Geico.com. all right, Brian's got an announcement. I have something to tell you first. And we'll play another snippet of me and Adam Ray up on stage. Joe and Adam Kroll is unprepared. I believe this one. Somebody wrote down Dr. Drew on a ping pong ball. And we'll keep you posted. First two minutes of this. This next. This next word is also. I guess a name counts. Yeah. What a name. Yeah, yeah. I guess everything or nothing counts. Dr. Drew. Oh, Dr. Drew. Yeah. Wow. It's funny. I just brought his name up. Dr. Drew is a man of patience, passion. He. Look, this is a good excuse. Let me tell you this about strip clubs. And. And I. I feel the same way. No one. Is there one called Dr. Drew. I'd go there. Me too. Yeah, yeah. Bunch of buff ass dudes. Yeah, yeah. You'd have like the businessman's buffet and pap smears in the champagne room. It be like a medical sort of flavor to it, you know? Ever gotten a pap smeared? A genuine's pony? All right. Oh, yeah, we have a whole medical theme. Like when you order a cocktail and you get two olives, the guy. The guy reaches into the olive container, uses a speculum to get him out. So there you go. Thank you. Went two in there. Thank you. All right, Dr. Drew, now here's something I respect about Dr. Drew. I said to Dr. Drew once, what's. What's up with you not going to strip clubs? Because I love going to strip strip clubs. And he didn't like going to strip clubs. And he gave a very satisfying answer to me, which is, I am so horny all the time. I am like a caged leper. Just, you know, we know when they pace, they go like, you're so horny. You have to pace. He said, I can't go to a strip club because I may, like, literally jump up on the stage and someone's here. I added the ear part, but I

[D]

was gonna say the in the ear

[B]

seems like a reason not to go. I am saying that is an acceptable reason. Like, you're too horny and you're too passionate. Yeah. Like you walk into the strip club already masturbating. That's right. That's gonna turn some people off. Right. Good luck with the Bouncer, by the way. What? Oh, there's a cover. Hold on. My wallet's on my left hand. Hand.

[D]

You mind reaching in and grabbing it for me?

[B]

Yeah, this. I'm using my dick hand here. All right. Connecticut Foxwoods, February 8th. Adam Crow's unprepared. And then I'll be taken to the Wilbur Theater in Boston for same show.

[G]

I just remind everybody. So this show is a challenge from Jimmy Kimmel to Adam to go up on stage with no material at all. And the only thing is, because people write just a word or an idea on a bingo ball and Adam has to do three to five minutes of stand up on.

[B]

Based on that word, I shall probably open with about 20, 25 minutes of stand up. And then I think we'll. We'll veer into this lane.

[C]

But other than that, very interactive, very full of audience participation.

[B]

Oh, yes. All right. And Brian has himself an announcement as well.

[D]

What do you have following through on a New Year's resolution? I'm happy to announce that the bald Brian socks are now for sale to anyone who wants wants them. Divvyupsocks.com I partner with Divvyupsocks, a company. I found them through my mother in law. She gave me socks with Charlie's face on them because that's their thing is like, put your pet's face on them. Like, that's hilarious. I'm gonna get those of my own. People online thought it was a good idea. And now they're [e-mail] BB you can probably find it on me. I'll tweet about it.

[C]

And as an owner of a pair of these socks, they're pretty good quality socks.

[D]

These are available in men's what sizes, women's sizes, and youth. I want to see kids with these socks.

[B]

And also, Brian would never say this, but none of the money is going to the Gary Sise Foundation.

[D]

No, no. In fact, I'm. I'm actually charging him for these socks.

[B]

Yeah, Direction. Put them on your kid, have them run around the schoolyard. And shorts. And then. I mean, shorts, like the ACDC guitar player shorts.

[D]

Yeah, we're doing Angus Young.

[B]

And then have all the kids ask, why do you have the guy from the Magic Mountain commercial from the early 2000s on your socks?

[D]

How dare you. These are available for 30 days only. The good news is they'll process and ship them as soon as you get them. So you don't have to wait till the end of the 30 days. You're gonna get your Paul Bryant Socks soon.

[B]

Let me say this, and I would

[D]

love to see these at live shows on the cruise.

[B]

The entrepreneurial spirit, everybody. A live well at the Adam Coroll show. And God bless you, Brian. Everyone, go out and get a pair of those socks, because this is what we're talking about. It's the New Year's resolution.

[H]

Yeah.

[D]

About time.

[B]

All right, let's see. Let's jump into a little news, shall we? Gina grad.

[C]

Let's do it.

[B]

Give me the news with grad. News with Gina grad. Breaking viral. All those crazy truck tweets. Give me news with Gina grad. Trouble in the Middle East. Celebrity drunk meltdown sneak. News with Gina. Gina.

[I]

The news with Gina grad.

[C]

Well, they might not be helping Dennis Prager at all, but YouTube is starting to take control of some of its video content. They are starting to ban users from sharing videos of dangerous pranks on its platform because of concerns about challenges that put people's lives in jeopardy. The company updated its guidelines on Tuesday and said it will not allow the upload of prank or challenge videos. Quote, that can cause death and. Or have caused death in some instances. Uh, it cited examples like the Tide pod challenge, where dumb kids are eating detergent. Basically.

[B]

I'd love to judge. I would have definitely done all of the things they'd asked me to do when I was 14.

[C]

And yeah, the other one was a fire challenge. Would you have set yourself on fire?

[D]

You would have been a YouTube celebrity.

[B]

You're.

[E]

You.

[D]

You were born in the wrong era.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

Yeah. Johnny North Hollywood. I would have. Well, I'm trying to. I'll tell you that. Just a quickly. And I'm not giving it any pre thought, but a short list of, like, stupid shit, and I think most of it would go, all right, well, then he would have eaten the tide pods, obviously. I went in the coin op giant laundry to coin op laundry thing and locked myself in there and just spun around the stick. Metal fins in there and the hot air blowing everywhere the water out of

[D]

one's ass into the. Into the fast food, you know, window was. That was a sweet video.

[C]

Jumping off of building.

[B]

I was a part of that. I was. I was a wheel man. Your jackass crew.

[D]

This is your jackass crew.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Filling up with a hose. Eneming on a. Animating. Animating on an employee at Jack in the Box.

[C]

Getting stuck with a hot, flaming hot marshmallow.

[B]

Well, that's true. You guys haven't lived. You guys really got a picture of what a marshmallow's like when it's completely engulfed in flames, it makes noise. And having that, then it's one thing if you blew it off and cooled it off and maybe touched it to your cheek, but while it was still on fire, stuck to my face. I have jumped off many a three story condo roof into pools, and not only that, pools that weren't in that condo neighboring building. So you had to clear a fence and a little bit of some concrete to get to the pool. Done many flips off of many roofs into many pools and I've jumped many BMX bikes into pools. I have set up ramps at one end of the, like the shallow end of the pool and done the, done the long. So yeah, I would have been down with most of this stuff.

[C]

Yeah, you would have been a YouTube star for sure. But they're upping the ante. Not only do they not want those challenge videos, the company's now extended its policy banning harmful and dangerous content to pranks with a perceived danger of serious physical injury. So you can't have people believing they're in a drive by shooting or they're being in a home invasion. The site said it's currently working to remove videos that violate the new guidelines.

[B]

Did Wright drove cold water on a motorcycle without touching the handle bars? Jesus. Easy. That was one of the. Sounds good. Very easy to do. Move, I guess, on the right bike. And once in a while people say, oh, come on. First off, I would never in 100 million lifetimes say, I started up at Mulholland on my Honda 404, put my hands on the tank, never touched the bars until I crossed Moore park, went all the way down Coldwater by leaning the bike, wearing the foot brake and putting it neutral. I would never say that if I grabbed the bar two times, it would be null and void. I'd have to either not say anything or go back up to the top and try again. Try it again. It's insane when people go like, oh, come on. Like, well, you're essentially saying I'm lying. But I would never bring it up. Like, I just, I would wait for something else. I would not bring that up. I'd go, if I did bring it up, I'd go, I tried to go down cold water on a motorcycle without touching the bars once and I had to grab it halfway through. That's what the story would be. Not, I never touched the bars. It was a big deal to not touch the bars, but again, more easily done. But the idea that I was trying to entertain myself on a Motorcycle. Like the idea that I was coming over Coldwater Canyon.

[D]

That was boring, Louisiana.

[B]

And I was like, I gotta see if I can not touch the handlebars of this morning motorcycle suggests that I had whatever that was that would eat the tide pods.

[E]

Yep.

[C]

What am I saying?

[B]

Oh, I think it's called shitty student syndrome.

[D]

Sss.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

One of my favorite videos that I would imagine they take down one of

[B]

those starts with a C, Brian, but go ahead.

[C]

When it says you can't have people think they're in perceived danger. One of my favorite prank videos of all time is. You know when a truck is hauling another truck backwards?

[D]

That's right. And you speed up.

[C]

Chris. I don't know if you can sleep in the car. Yeah. The husband or the boyfriend or whatever is driving and his wife is fast asleep, I think. And he wakes up, oh, my God, we're gonna crash. And all she sees is this truck coming at her, but it's just being hauled the same direction. And it is pretty good.

[B]

So.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hilarious.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's see that.

[C]

Very funny. Yeah.

[B]

And listen, let's not. I don't know, let's not remove that part of life where there is no harm none. We all enjoy the huge, black massive athlete. Right. Who gets scared when the monster jumps out of the cake. Right? It's. Right.

[C]

It's good clean fun. Here's one of the examples. I know there's more than one, but here's. Here's a popular one.

[B]

So they're. Woman's asleep. Oh. Oh. It's just going backwards. It's a big Peterbilt semi truck.

[C]

She's so pissed.

[B]

Going backwards. Being towed backwards.

[C]

There's a lot of that.

[B]

You think you have a head on collision.

[C]

Good stuff.

[B]

Hey, my deal is. And my posse, my crew, the deal was always this. You want to talk about toxic masculinity?

[E]

Oh, man.

[B]

You fall asleep in front of human beings that are awake. Anything that happens after that to you is all your fault. It's all your fault. We'll duct tape you to the recliner you're on. We'll draw huge dicks on your forehead with a sharp harpy. Whatever it is. You fall asleep or pass out at a time earlier than you're supposed to go to sleep or pass out in front of people that aren't asleep in all. It's on you.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

It's on you. If the sun is shining and your husband's driving and you're sleeping, then you get whatever you get.

[D]

Gina, you must have experienced this in New Orleans. On your bachelorette party when you went recently.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. I would love you guys to teach a class on how to remain free friends after something like this.

[B]

The way you remain friends is when Mike August passes out at Jimmy's house watching football and cousin Sal goes full yokozuna by dropping his pants to his bare ass and dropping it on his face. Mike blames himself. You have to internalize, why did you fall asleep while we were watching football?

[D]

I got no one to blame myself.

[B]

And also, also, how are you ever going to learn a lesson about falling asleep, about being tired?

[C]

Horrible act of falling asleep.

[D]

We let you wake up in eight hours and you're awake.

[B]

The greatest part about that is Mike never even got mad. Mike's tooth was knocked off, his cap was knocked off because at the last moment when he heard yokozuna, he tried to block himself with his wristwatch. And he has a Rolex with the metal wristwatch and the metal wristwatch got punched into his face and he still wasn't mad. You want to know why Mike Auggs dad is a football coach? He grew up with a dad who's a football coach. He grew up playing football and he's not a pussy. So that's why you never hear Mike August go, it's so cold or so early. It's so early. We went to bed like they went to bed at 1am and then we met at the lobby at 5:30. And you never, never hear a word. He's always just sitting in the lobby and goes, I print out the boarding passes. Want some coffee, Mike? No, I'm good. That's it.

[C]

You know what one of his big responses is? I just realized this. If you make a comment like you're not complaining, you're just, you say like, oh my God, so cold in here or something, whatever, so cold outside. And go, nah,

[B]

I love him for that. And I fucking hate pussies. God, do I hate pussies. We don't enough pussy shaming. We don't do enough pussy shaming. We do all the, oh, toxic masculinity that's gotta end. But we don't do enough like, hey, fucking puss, shut up. You're ruining this country. Gary Sinise hates you. All right, we don't need the Yokozuna clip. Thanks.

[C]

Well, we talked a little bit about Mary Carey versus Mariah Carey yesterday. And who's in the news today? Mariah. She is suing a former personal assistant, Chrissy Canyon. Mariah Carey suing Jenna Jameson? No, personal assistant, she says, trying to blackmail her with embarrassing videos. According to tmz, Maria says Liana Azarian.

[B]

Would you assume that all videos of Mariah Carey that where she wasn't willing knowing, like, look, she can do panel on Colbert, but I would assume almost every video of her that wasn't supposed to be taken is horrible.

[H]

Yeah.

[D]

Yes, 100%.

[B]

Her bitching at somebody or yelling at somebody or doing something insanely narcissistic. Right. I imagine everything is bad.

[D]

I imagine the best case scenario is something that we would think of. No big deal, like walk out of the bedroom without makeup, that she would freak out about getting out. You know what I mean? That's the best case scenario.

[B]

So my theory in life is you could follow Gary Sinise around with a secret videotape recorder and you wouldn't find him kicking any puppies or doing anything that he looked bad. Right. I feel like almost everything Mariah Carey does is bad.

[C]

Well, we'll just skip to the good part. According to the lawsuit, Azarian secretly filmed Mariah Mariah's personal intimate activities and showed them to her friends.

[B]

Oh, finally. My worlds are gonna collide with Mary Carey and Mariah Carey.

[C]

Yeah. After she was fired, she allegedly threatened to leak the videos if she wasn't paid $8 million. Mariah is seeking unspecified damages and wants the videos returned. By the way, this is not chump change. Guess how much she was paid a year in 2015 to be Mariah Carey's personal.

[B]

Oh, okay. Well, first off, add to my list of things to do, like jumping into a body of water with a knife in my mouth, having a cape removed from me, hands registered, suing someone for an unspecified amount. Oh, that's good. I'd like people to know that I shall sue. And you'll never know how much. You'll never know. Let your imagination go wild.

[C]

And she got fired.

[B]

Servant terror.

[C]

She got fired because. Because she used Mariah's credit card and would buy things for herself. But guess how much she was paid a year.

[D]

I'm gonna guess a lot. Cause Mariah Carey's from the older days where they had stupid money for people who made music. So 110k a year.

[C]

A year.

[B]

Okay, I'm guessing a lot because you keep asking, guess how much I got paid.

[C]

$42.

[B]

So, yeah, the way you're couching it, what do you think we need to be surprised by how much it is? And. And 150.

[C]

Oh, I didn't couch it well enough. $327,000 to be Mariah Carey's assistant.

[B]

There must Be something about that that we don't know.

[D]

Including like, you know, flights, you know, she flew on the private jet and that's worth 10,000, you know, that kind of thing.

[C]

Maybe.

[B]

Who has.

[G]

Matt Vondelaire just gave us two week notice.

[B]

Who said? Who set the price? I mean, who said. This is how much I got paid.

[C]

Mariah's lawsuit says Azaria was hired as a personal assistant in 2015 and was paid $327.

[D]

I'll bet there's some value. You know what I mean? Added she was given concert tickets that were worth maybe, maybe 500 bucks each.

[C]

Okay, so you get to that number.

[D]

That's a lot of freebies.

[B]

No, that's a lot.

[D]

Well, at least a car.

[G]

Maybe.

[C]

So. Yeah.

[B]

Never underestimate the law. And Mark Garagos going, I have a forensic accountant guy, I can hire him and that's. That guy will fucking spit out numbers that you've never even dreamt of in terms of what you owe or what they owe you or whatever it is. If somebody says, look, if some just sort of neutral player comes in and goes, I work for the H and R block that she got her taxes done with and here's what, the papers that she gave to me or we filled out last year, I would believe that person. If you go the. Oh, she's been well compensated to. Yes, that is every meal, every flight that is full, that is price is right, sailboat, catamaran, prices on everything to jack that number up as high as humanly possible. Yeah, because I bet if you talk to her, she'd tell you she made $72,000 last year in salary. And then all this.

[C]

At least her Lexus SUV technically doing her bidding backstage. Is that backstage passes?

[D]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

All right, let me tell you quickly about Pacquiao versus Broner fights. Coming up, clash of speed and a clash of styles. Two of boxing's most explosive punchers go toe to toe for the welterweight title. These guys are all action Pacquiao. You all know Broner. If you're a fight guy, you definitely know. I don't. I think he's from. No, no, think of somebody. Sorry. He's the 147 pound champ. Former champ Broner's looking to begin his second reign as welterweight titleist. Pacquiao fourth reign is the 147 pound champ. Pacquiao only eight division world champion ever and he's returning to the US to fight Broner. Get ready for explosive action. Bell to bell, toe to toe. Saturday, January 19, 9pm Eastern, 6pm Pacific Time, live on pay per View. That's Pacquiao Broner. All right, what else you got?

[C]

Well, Bob Costas is officially done with NBC after 40 years of hosting the network's coverage of essentially every major sporting event in America, according to Fox News. While the move was quietly announced and received very little attention, it's hardly a surprise to sports fans who have seen him less and less over the last few years. Few years industry watchdogs have predicted that Costas exit from NBC would come sooner than later after his roles on several prominent events were reduced. The biggest one, I would imagine he stepped down from his role as PrimeTime host of NBC's Olympics coverage, for example. He did that for. He did that 11 times starting in 92.

[B]

I can't. I don't have a real read on Costas, like, other than very professional, very good at his job, kind of Ryan Seacrestie asking that he very likable, does a very good job, keeps everything running. I don't know. I want to have a beer with him or not.

[D]

Yeah, that might be a bridge too far, but he seems to have thoughts and opinions that maybe Orion Seacrest doesn't have. Like Seacrest, the ultimate vanilla, almost flavorless yogurt where at least Costas has some points of view. It had interview show and what happened.

[B]

Yeah, no, I agree with that.

[C]

To your point, what happened? I think it was super bowl coverage where he got a bit of a backlash for talking about football players and concussions at a time where you were not really supposed to do that.

[B]

I mean, I like him. I'm just trying to kind of figure out, like, if I came over on Football Sunday and we cracked a beer, whether we'd really like him or we'd be a little disappointed or whatever. The one thing I always heard about him, which I always liked, was he just, he lives in St. Louis because he can get to either coast in three hours and it just lives in the middle. And I always sort of like that, thinking I'm always going to be, I can get to New York in two and a half hours, that kind of thing. I just always thought that was a smart move for a guy who really didn't need to live anywhere. He could live in St. Louis and get anywhere he needed to get.

[C]

The one thing I'm afraid of, and I'm not insinuating anything, I'm just saying in my head, growing up, I always got Bob Costas and Matt Lauer mixed up. And I hope he's not leaving for the Same reasons. But I'm not saying he is. I'm just saying in my head, they were a bit interchangeable growing up.

[B]

Well, as the MeToo movement has taught us, nobody is beyond this. I mean, when you get Neil DeGrasse Tyson mixed in. Although, let's be honest, I don't know about half the shit when you go, well, if Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Al Franken could do it, then anyway. Yeah, but let's not. What did they do? Again? It's unclear what they did, but everyone is a potential candidate for this. Everyone falls between everybody, right?

[C]

Yep. All right, well, changing gears here. The song Africa by Toto has become a permanent part of the continent of Africa.

[B]

Now this song's making me angry.

[C]

Oh, this is gonna. You're gonna hate this story.

[B]

No, I'm angry because when I find the reboot of this song. Max, is it Weezer?

[C]

It's Weezer, yeah.

[G]

They.

[C]

They released and then they did Rosanna recently.

[B]

Okay, So I don't like wheat. I don't like the members of Weezer because they're fucking nerd assholes. But anyway, other than that, they're delights. Fucking. There's nothing worse than angry nerds because. Listen, puss, fucking cheer up, would ya? Okay, I walk into my other shop and they have it on Kroc and they're playing Toto's Africa, except for it's Weezer's Africa, except for it's the same song.

[C]

Why does this Africa sound not good?

[B]

And look, as a guy who doesn't like sampling and doesn't like using other people's. When you're creating art, I, I, it's like, oh, I'm doing a painting, but I'm using part of a Picasso. I'm not doing the whole painting.

[C]

Like paint by numbers.

[B]

I don't cover. I don't like it with anything. I just don't like it with anything. It flies in the face of art.

[C]

Understood.

[B]

Now, if you want to go, as I made it clear, you want to go catch Stevens Sam Cooke, another Saturday night, and we're gonna do a calypso.

[D]

A reinterpretation.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is this the new one or the old one?

[D]

This is a new one.

[B]

Because you added a drum, they added

[I]

a little bit of reverb on the snare.

[D]

It's a tribute to Jeff Picardo and

[C]

it has no Lucather in it.

[B]

So in my world, you shouldn't be doing remakes. But I, I will give you two exceptions. I will give you the Cat Stevens calypso version of Another own fucking flavor on it. Or black man born in Mississippi. Sonny a son. Sorry. Of a sharecropper. Never would have heard. Heard the song.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Wrap It Up. I'll take it. By the Fabulous Thunderbirds. Unless they remade Wrap It Up, I'll take it. 23 years later, we wouldn't know that song. That guy was too poor, too black and too upper. Underrepresented here, though, boss.

[C]

Are you about to say why they made this?

[B]

No, no, no.

[I]

I'm gonna say the gray area is. Paul Pena did a fantastic song called Jet Air Airliner. Nobody would have ever known that song unless for Stevie Guitar Miller

[B]

bitten by her snake.

[C]

Damn it, Dawson.

[D]

No, but I like your finger. You put. You pull a song from the vault. You know what I mean? Like a song that is not known. This is ridiculous. This is a huge hit.

[C]

Now, I will tell you the reason they did this. It'll be semi satisfying. And that's all I can hope for. They got trolled, I guess, enough times by this girl, this hardcore. We Weezer fan people basically started this online campaign. Please Weezer remake Toto's Africa over and over again. So they kind of. They bit and they did it sort of. Not as a joke. I mean, they're obviously trying. Who is this? Yeah, this girl in Ohio. They did that. Then I think they did Rosanna as well. But they were asked to. It became the sort of online trolley campaign. But I still agree with you. And it's in. Toto has a far superior version, but I don't. It doesn't seem like they would have done it without being prodded.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Yeah.

[G]

It's all like a joke. And then Toto covered a Weezer song in response.

[B]

All right, I'll take my foot off the vitriol accelerator pedal just a little bit here. But still, we don't need. It doesn't need to be played on KROC because we have the original. The original. Which sounds the same, but better.

[C]

Yep. So back to why we're even talking about Toto and.

[B]

Hold on a second.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you guys with me in that? I want to live in a world where the Fabulous Thunderbirds, when they do. Wrap it up. Find out who was originally by Max Apata from. And there's been a lot of these songs that we've never heard of or heard the original one of. But at the very top, during the little instrumental part, I want to hear the name of the dude that did it.

[C]

Like rappers do.

[D]

Wait, isn't. I mean, it's about the guitar yeah. Isn't Jimmy Vaughn.

[B]

No, no, the remake. You know, one of the.

[I]

One of the reasons why I love the Black Crows so much is every single time they played hard to handle. Every single time, no matter where they were, it always started with the preemptive. Here's an Otis Redding number. We.

[B]

Right, right. Perfect example. Wasn't a big hit with Otis Redding, but a big hit with Black Crows.

[C]

Well, and that's. That's been something I thought should be a rule forever. A band that no one's heard of can't get famous off of a cover. I don't like it.

[B]

Oh, my God. The fucking Smooth Criminal. Fucking.

[C]

It's an abomination.

[B]

Fuck you. Fucking hacks. I don't even know what the band is, but it's just like just fucking taking a Michael Jackson song and just doing it, screaming it. Oh, fuck you. Jesus Christ. Christ.

[G]

Wrap it up as a Sam and Dave song.

[B]

Oh, Sam and Dave. That's right. Two brothers that were passed over. Sam and Dave had some hits. Soul man. But people don't attribute Wrap it up to Sam and Dave. They attribute it to. And also, it's cool because it could start and go, you know, shout out to Sam and Dave for this one, and then you could go into it. Right. If the guy's name is Harold Obramo away, It's. It's a little bumpy at the beginning. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[C]

Well, Harold's, like, put his name on it, whether or not he wrote it.

[B]

Tip of the cap to harold Stefano Bromowitz Jr. For. Ah, shit. The song started.

[D]

All right, was this in a car, like, national car campaign? Like, it was a.

[B]

Like a Ford something or Toyota something, I'm sure. Makes sense. With the Ford, with the Thunderbirds, you know, I. At some point, if there was like,

[D]

a sales event, you know, I'm sure of.

[C]

It was Tough enough. Was that a cover?

[B]

I'm not. I'm not aware of it, but I don't think it was. But. I don't know. But we would know if they'd yelled out the dude's name at the beginning. All right, let's see.

[G]

Tough Enough is an original. And then Wrap it up was a Toyota song.

[B]

What? I guess they didn't think people did the thing. Thunderbird part didn't matter to them. All right, let me tell you about Simply Safe. Almost half of us make the New Year's resolution. Get healthier, save money, get organized. Oh. We all start with great intentions, and then a month later, I slough off a Little one resolution worth sticking with this year. Keep your home and family safe. It's Simply safe. Simply safe. 24. 7 Home Security. No contracts, no catches. Feel protected every time you shut your door. Leave for work and shut your eyes. Leave for a good night's sleep. More than 3 million people feel this way. SimpliSafe. By the way, PCMag named SimpliSafe Editor's Choice and Reader's Choice for 2018. So this is great technology. It's a great company started by guys I think I went to Harvard, had some friends get ripped off. Then the security company was going to come in there and rip them off some more. And he said, you know what? I'll do my own thing. Go to simplisafe.com Adam get started easy, fast and [e-mail] Adam. All right, Gina, what else?

[C]

Well, just to put a bow on this, this Namibian artist has set up a desert installation run by Solar Energy that continuously plays Africa on a loop.

[D]

The toto version.

[C]

Yep. He says he wanted to pay the song the ultimate homage and physically exhibit Africa in Africa. Still, he admits that not everyone appreciates. Appreciates it. He says some of his countrymen love it and some say it's the worst sound installation ever. And he takes that as a compliment.

[B]

So it sits in the middle of the desert, just literally in the sand. And speakers. Solar power.

[C]

You're doing some, you know, sojourn across the desert and you're starting to hallucinate and you come up on this and here's what it sounds like in the desert, just sitting alone, six speakers.

[D]

I don't mind this.

[C]

Wouldn't you think you were hallucinating?

[B]

I tried this experiment with that Ted Nugent stranglehold in Detroit several years ago

[C]

and had a gun.

[B]

Didn't make it.

[D]

Didn't last long. Didn't last long.

[B]

Speakers. I went with top of the high end speakers, amps, subwoofers. I went high end all the way. I don't know when they were stolen exactly. All I know is that it was set up Monday. It was. It wasn't there on Tuesday when I got there. The fly. And I got there at 8:00am oh, damn.

[C]

So overnight fever.

[B]

Shortly after it was set up. It didn't work. I don't know if it was. I don't. Maybe I picked the wrong Ted Nugent song.

[D]

Yes, the song.

[C]

You're making a statement.

[B]

Could have been that we'll never do. I don't have a rear view mirror so I can't look back but should have picked another song other than Stranglehold.

[H]

Yeah, all right.

[B]

That was the reason he's a Motor City madman. I thought they'd appreciate it.

[D]

Local pride.

[B]

By the way, you want to critique his lyrics? The name Madman is in his class.

[D]

What do you want?

[B]

What do you want out of the guy? All right.

[C]

Well, if you're looking to broaden your horizons but cheaply, there is a great way to do it. As of right now, you can buy a house on southern Italy's beautiful island of Sicily for less than the cost of a cup of coffee. CNN reports that the hilltop town of Sambuca with view over the Mediterranean island and nearby beaches has placed dozens of houses on sale for a dollar.

[D]

What's the catch?

[C]

There's a small catch, but I wouldn't even call it a catch. I would say it's your responsibility. The deal is aimed at reviving the community. Like many rural spots in Italy has suffered from depopulation. People want to move to bigger cities and get out of their one cow town. The catch is the new owners must commit to refurbishing the house that they buy. They're not too big. It's 40 to 150 square meter houses and you have to do it within three years. And it's going to cost about 17 grand. That's the big catch. You're also going to need to cough up a security deposit of about six grand. That'll be returned to you once the restyle is complete. But buyers won't be disappointed as the promotions boast Sambuca as a silent and peaceful and idyllic retreat.

[D]

It's a good deal.

[B]

It's a good excuse to drink Sambuca because she hey man, I'm obliged by the laws of the land one in Sambuca. I'd like to buy that Italian villa for a dollar and then run into somebody else and go, what did you buy for a dollar? And they'd go, well, I don't want to praise myself but I got toothpaste. A big. I go to the dollar.

[D]

Not one of those travel ones either.

[B]

No, this was a 5 ouncer. Family said, okay, I'm still using it.

[D]

I bought it in the summer.

[B]

Sweet. Also got myself a McDonald's cup of coffee before 8am Obviously it goes up after that, but you get there early, you score. What'd you get for a dollar? You're sticking it, bitch. All right, let's do one more.

[C]

All right. Well, I guess on that note, this is a good reason to book a trip this Spring a survey. And this. Maybe this will help you part with that. Dollar for. For the villa. A survey of seniors revealed that one of their biggest regrets over their entire life was not traveling enough. The British airways survey found that 20% of those over 65 years old said they regretted not traveling enough. And a whopping 63% of women and 48% of men said they've never even owned a passport because they didn't think they'd be able to afford to go anywhere that they've ever wanted to go.

[B]

It's bound. It's up there with, you know, not stretching enough, not hugging your kids like they're. There's never. Even if you do a. It's a catch 22. Because if you are like Brian and you love travel and have done a lot of travel on your deathbed, it's still not gonna be enough.

[D]

I was gonna say no one's gonna be enough. Too much travel.

[B]

Yeah. I have 10 Paul Newman race cars. Not enough in my world. I need another Paul Newman race car. In my dad's work. I said, I remember I told you guys this, I think. But I told him the other week, I'm like, we're going to Hawaii. And he's like, okay. And I'm like, you ever been to Hawaii? And he's like, nope. And I'm like, and he's getting ready to go to the retirement villa. And I'm like, oh, you'll never go to Hawaii. You just spent your entire life on the west coast pretty much, and you never went to Hawaii. But the difference is, I don't think my dad has thoughts about it. Most people have regrets or have thoughts about it. But I'll feel sorry for him, for him by going, why did you. Why. Why not now? It costs money, and it takes time and all the stuff of life.

[C]

You know why?

[B]

I think we can all agree that again, stretching, exercising, hugging, eating right, telling your kids you love them, whatever it is. Laughing. Travel. There's a laundry list. And travel will always land somewhere. Somewhere in there. Really, what they're. I think what they're saying. When they're saying travel, they mean experiences more.

[D]

If you're in trouble for work. You know what I mean? More sales calls, more experience.

[B]

But if in. You don't have the money to book a hotel or an airline flight, what you're kind of saying with travel is I need to experience things that are outside. Outside of my realm. My home and my neighborhood. And there are probably ways you could do that that don't involve getting on an airplane.

[D]

You could drive the Grand Canyon from here. You know what I mean?

[B]

And not even the Grand Canyon. I mean, you can literally just go to Joshua Tree. How many museums are around you that you never set foot in? Or hotels, historic hotels that you could have tea in the lobby of that are less than three miles from your house, that you just never would walk into. Go do that.

[C]

Can I tell you an example of this? I don't know if it's a humble brag, because we've all traveled a lot,

[B]

but go to a Mexican market and go, holy shit, they sell every part of the pig.

[C]

Go to Olvera.

[B]

Yeah. Go to Alvera.

[C]

I was thinking of, you know, what's my next big out of the country trip. And I think we've all been to a lot of places and I don't know, Israel and Rarotonga and Belgium and

[D]

Italy and Corolla and Sea. Take three.

[C]

Yes. And so we've all been to. But you know what? I've recently, and I've been to most every national park several times. Do you know what I think my next big themed adventure is gonna be? I wanna go visit small mining towns. Like old timey mining towns. That's like something I can't get out of my head. Why the Deadwood style? Because.

[D]

Oh, I'm gonna show you kind of ghost town.

[C]

Yeah. Kind of old Americana. I can't get it out of my head. I want it so bad.

[B]

I'll break you of that. Oh. Show you a film called Broken Arrow.

[D]

Broken Arrow. Travolta.

[B]

Oh, you'll understand.

[D]

Come on, don't be naive.

[B]

We're done. Howie, man. I mean, Howie Long and Travolta. And when you're done watching Broken Arrow, I don't think you'll have such a zeal for old mining towns.

[C]

Okay, well, thank you.

[B]

We'll watch it together.

[D]

Appreciate it. We'll fix that.

[B]

Then we'll watch Under Siege in case you're ever thinking about going to sea.

[C]

Awesome.

[B]

All right, let's bring it home.

[C]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[B]

Gina. Gina.

[I]

That was the news with Gina Grad.

[D]

Undersea is a good movie. Okay, I'll stand by it.

[B]

I stand by it, too.

[C]

Seagull.

[B]

Yeah, it was. And it's good.

[D]

By a long shot.

[B]

It is good. It's a good movie. It's a good movie.

[D]

Tommy Lee Jones, the Heavy Fantastic.

[B]

Many good things going on. Busey at the top. All right, let me tell you about Geico. You got your to do list, watch Broken Arrow. How about save hundreds of dollars in a car insurance? You don't have to go anywhere. Just go to geico.com 15min could be saving 15% or more on your auto insurance. Put that money in your pocket only at Geico. Again, go to geico.com, spend 15 minutes. See just how much you could be saving on your auto [e-mail] Some people have been tweeting me. They've been checking out Road hard, my Movie on Tubi tv.com T U B I watch it for free. It's there. Enjoy it. As far as I know, I'm not making any money off it, but I get paid in your satisfaction. Also, the Tenney booze and Book club presented by Corolla drinks free admission coming up February 7, 8pm at 8. Tenney Dawson's going to be there. He's going to be reading from Ghost and we'll have lots of Q and A and Booze and Mike McGowan will be there with the author or the author McGowan. So go out there. Tenney's a great facility, a great place. Have some mangria and endless rant. Say hi to Mike and company and you go to AdamCroll.com for everything else. And you want ball Bryant, socks. Divvy up two V's. Divvy up socks socks.com BB do it. So until next time, Adam Crow for Gary Sinise and Gina Grad and Val Bryant and Philly Cheesesteak. Say mahalo.

[E]

I'm sorry, Adam, you need some, you need some help there?

[A]

All right, this is Adam Cole show 2489 with Gary Sinise. That does it for this weekend's Roll classics. Make sure to tune in next week for three all new installments. Until then, mahalo. And get it on.

[I]

The new chicken bacon ran street to

[D]

loop as a Taco Bell.

[B]

You can't get just one. Okay, so that's not like some marketing hyperbo. You literally can't get just one.

[D]

They come in twos.

[B]

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[D]

you're gonna need to find a friend

[B]

who loves slow roasted chicken bacon and avocado ranch sauce or a friend of

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[B]

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[D]

Or you could just like eat them

[B]

both because you're obsessed with slow roasted chicken bacon. Okay, you get the idea. The new chicken bacon ranch street chalup

[D]

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