Russell Peters + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show: Russell Peters + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Date: May 16, 2026
Guests: Russell Peters
Co-Hosts/Contributors: Gina Grad, Brian “Bald Bryan” Bishop, Alison Rosen

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode compiles two classic segments: a 2014 live show from the University of Buffalo (with Alison Rosen and Bryan Bishop) and a 2016 interview episode featuring comedian Russell Peters. The show is quintessential Adam Carolla—mixing irreverent humor, real-life rants, behind-the-scenes celebrity anecdotes, and audience interactions into a sprawling, freeform conversation. Topics range from the absurdities of air travel and airport security, Halloween costumes, the value of first class, TSA pat-downs, to a revealing and very funny interview with global comedy star Russell Peters. The team also delves into celebrity parties, STDs, deodorant debates, family quirks, poker’s cultural status, and much more.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Miseries and Schemes of Air Travel

• Adam’s First Class Caper: Adam recounts, in vintage rant mode, a failed scheme to snag an empty first-class seat on a recent flight. He highlights the petty bureaucracy of airlines and the performative “no”s from staff.

  • “They know something’s coming out of your mouth, and before you even say it, they’re ready to tell you ‘No’”—Adam Carolla [06:29]
  • He discusses the psychology and etiquette of upgrades, the indignity of walking past empty first-class seats, and trying to outmaneuver condescending gate agents.

• TSA Absurdities & Security Theater:
  The group riffs on inconsistent TSA procedures—sometimes you have to remove your shoes and put laptops in bins, sometimes not.

  • “We’re in fucking backwards world!”—Adam [24:31]
  • Gina shares a detailed, comically awkward TSA pat-down story, likening it to “third base” from fifty years ago.

2. Nerd Walking Segment

Comic trivia segment featuring questions for CES-goers, with the studio guessing whether “nerds” will know answers about outboard motors, NFL commissioners, and Jason Statham movies.

• Some comic confusion and debating of metric vs. imperial measurements and the oddities of cultural trivia.

3. Celebrity Culture, Parties & Pop Culture

• Howard Stern’s 60th Birthday Party:
  Allison reports on Stern’s epic bash, listing the A-list guests (Downey Jr., Cranston, Silverman, Fallon, Letterman, and more). Adam grumbles about being upstaged and shares the phenomenon of misidentifying faces at a distance.

  • “Disappointers never disappoint” (on David Letterman declining to appear in Adam’s documentary)—Adam [57:22]

• Bon Jovi, Cranston, and Downey Jr.:
  Adam and Bryan riff on the “coolness” of Robert Downey Jr., and how celebrity interactions change perceptions.

4. Parenting, Risk-taking, and Childhood

• Conversation turns to the differing risk profiles of Adam’s kids—his daughter as a daredevil, his son as cautious (“full puss”). They reflect on how casual near-miss accidents can be, and the lack of emotional impact after dangerous close calls.

5. Deodorant, Hygiene, and the Science of Stink

• Russell Peters gets candid about having a “natural funk,” leading to an extended, comical discussion of deodorant choices, genetics, and bathroom best practices.

6. Stand-Up Life and Russell Peters Interview

• Crowd Work and Comedy Special:
  Russell discusses his crowd-interactive approach, improvisation in his “Almost Famous” Netflix special, and how it re-energizes his material. [136:53]

  • “Once the special is out there, then those jokes are dead at the live show”—Russell Peters [138:02]

• Origins & Family:
  Russell recounts growing up in Toronto with working-class immigrant parents (dad a meat inspector, mom worked at Kmart cafeteria). They joke about thrift, leftover food, and parental expectations.

  • “Every report card said ‘he’s bright but fails to apply himself,’ which in the ’70s and ’80s meant you had ADD”—Russell Peters [141:27]

• Cultural Identity and Marriage:
  Russell humorously explores cultural (Indian vs. Latina) tension in raising his daughter, ex-wife’s veganism and yoga turn post-divorce, and his skepticism about religious schooling.

• Romance and Catfishing:
  Shares how he met his (now-fiancée) on Instagram and discusses catfishing and the absurdity of some online relationships.

• Acting vs. Stand-Up:
  Russell expresses his preference for stand-up (especially the absence of early mornings) but notes his enjoyment of acting when it fits his schedule.

7. News & Cultural Commentary

• Obama’s “Mean Tweets”:
  Discusses how charisma has become a more crucial political asset than policy, with Adam comparing likable presidents to winning football coaches: “I want the president to be like Bill Belichick—he just wins.”

• Jared Fogle Lawsuit and Cheese Glut:
  Talk of the Subway/Jared scandal and the U.S. government’s surplus cheese (“poor people love fondue!”).

• STD Statistics:
  The panel exchanges war stories about chlamydia, yeast infections, and the laughable embarrassment of seeking treatment as a young, broke guy.

• Deodorant Affects Attractiveness:
  A lighthearted debate about perfumed vs. unscented deodorant, gender, genetics, and the right way to “cover the funk.”

8. Listener Calls and Q&A

• Funny calls about Halloween costumes (“sexy IKEA bag,” “Lane Kiffin,” “fire suit cop-out”), men seeking spousal support, feelings-driven politics, and becoming a professional poker player.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

(All times MM:SS; from transcript as best as can be estimated)

• On Airport Staff and Upgrades:
  “They must practice ‘no’ at home in the mirror, like home plate umpires.”—Adam [06:29]
• On Getting Busted Out of First Class:
  “I wanted to pay for it! …There’s three empty seats in first class, for fuck’s sake!"—Adam [16:23]
• On TSA Security Theater:
  “If this water is nitroglycerin and you’re putting it in the garbage… you’re just gonna blow up, right?”—Adam [27:29]
• On Parenting Differences:
  “My daughter wants to dance along that line; my son wants nothing to do with any of that.”—Adam [76:41]
• On Doing Stand-Up vs. Acting:
  “I just don’t like mornings. For me, this is a morning: 1:30pm!”—Russell [152:45]
• On Meeting His Fiancée:
  “She slid into my DMs… I thought I was being catfished.”—Russell [159:05]
• On the Surplus Cheese Crisis:
  “Poor people love fondue, as far as I know. Everyone’s got a fondue set, right?”—Adam [176:22]
• On Female TSA Pat-Downs:
  “We’ve created an America where what was third base 50 years ago now takes place at the airport.”—Adam [35:44]
• On Obama’s Likeability:
  “I couldn’t tell you if he’s done a good job, but I don’t care… He’s comfortable in his own skin.”—Adam [166:42]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [03:13] — Beginning of live Buffalo show, travel rants
• [17:30] — Airplane first class caper conclusion
• [22:11] — Nerd Walking trivia segment
• [51:23] — Start of news with Alison Rosen
• [136:51] — Russell Peters joins interview
• [141:15] — Russell on ADD, breakdancing, immigrant family
• [155:24] — Russell on parenting, cultural mix
• [159:03] — Russell explains meeting his fiancée on Instagram
• [163:56] — Obama “Mean Tweets” discussion
• [174:25] — News story: America’s cheese surplus
• [183:23] — Rising STD rates conversation
• [191:21] — Deodorant and natural body odor debate
• [193:54] — Adam’s method for lighting a match after using the bathroom
• [199:15] — Adam and Russell plug their live shows

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Tone and Style

The episode is wildly conversational, peppered with tangents, topical riffs, and self-deprecating asides. Carolla’s rants are balanced by the quick-witted banter of Gina Grad and Alison Rosen, while Brian provides nerd culture and sports context. Russell Peters matches Adam’s riffing style, bouncing between comedy shop talk and surprising vulnerability about family and fame. The show flows fast, irreverent, and completely uncensored. The chemistry among the participants keeps the long episode engaging for both fans and new listeners.

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Conclusion

This Carolla Classics mash-up captures everything fans love about Adam Carolla’s world—equal parts unscripted comedy, slice-of-life frustration, pop culture skewering, and honest, hilarious confession. With the addition of Russell Peters, the show dives deep into global comedy and the immigrant experience, all while maintaining the show’s signature tone: brisk, self-aware, slightly curmudgeonly, and addictively funny.

Recommended for:

• Fans of stand-up comedy, behind-the-scenes showbiz stories
• Listeners who love witty rants about the everyday absurd
• Anyone who enjoys unfiltered podcasts with sharp banter and real talk

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For more, check out Russell Peters’ “Almost Famous” special on Netflix and tune in for future Adam Carolla live events and podcasts!

Transcript

[Allison Rosen]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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for you with the name your price tool, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Price and Coverage match limited by state law. Welcome to Cruel Classics.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast where we play

[Brian Bishop]

the best moments, highlights and fans like the class clips from all 17 years

[Adam Carolla]

of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like access to the Adam Corolla show archive all over 4,200 episodes.

[Brian Bishop]

Make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com There you'll get exclusive access to the AD free archives, the Adam

[Adam Carolla]

Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the podcast Beat it Out. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcurla.com. all right, let's get to the clips.

[Brian Bishop]

Coming up first was adam Carla Show

[Adam Carolla]

1254, a live show from the University of Buffalo with Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop.

[Brian Bishop]

Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Russell Peters]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, the 100, and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien and encounters necessary. Pluto tv. Stream now. Pay never. There we go. Get it on, baby. Got to get it on. No choice. Big on mandate. Get on. Thanks so much for coming out and joining us, Buffalo. We do appreciate it. Allison Rosen, over here.

[Gina Grad]

Hello. Oh, there I am, just in the nick of time.

[Adam Carolla]

Bald Brian over there. I told you guys to come to soundcheck, but you wouldn't listen. For two years, Drew and I circumnavigated the globe. Dr. Drew and myself playing colleges, and they'd always do the thing where I'd go, what time's the show? And they go, eight o'. Clock. But soundcheck is at six. Would you like to come in and do sound check at 6? And I was like, no. Well, how do you. How are you going to. I said, do you have a human being who can hold a microphone and, you know, with Brillowy hair and can, like, hold their nose and complain for 10 seconds into the microphone? If it sounds okay, then I'm sure it'll be fine when me and Drew show up, and Drew doesn't even need a microphone. He just shakes his head disapprovingly.

[Gina Grad]

But did Drew want to do soundcheck?

[Adam Carolla]

He seems like someone Drew knew that was. That was insane.

[Brian Bishop]

But when Drew's turning up his nose at soundcheck, you have to take a long, hard look.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes. At the notion of soundcheck. Thank you so much for joining us. Doing live podcasts for you here tonight. We got some. Got a little nerd walking to do at a certain point. We all flew out of Chicago this morning. I don't know if you guys noticed, but there were three empty seats in first class. We all had coach tickets. And then I had a very uncomfortable exchange up front with some of the folks who worked at the airline.

[Brian Bishop]

I noticed that you were up front for a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

I was up front for a Minute

[Brian Bishop]

and then you weren't.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I wasn't. I don't know why, but you guys know what I'm talking about. Walking past the vacant first class seats on your way to the steerage in the back of the plane with the goats and the Armenians is not. There's something about those three empty seats. They just beckon. They just call my name out, Adam, please fart upon me. Please, please come here and get drunk for a while while we fly this plane. And I walked past the three and I went, wait a minute, we got three empty seats in first class. Maybe I can upgrade. And I did the thing where I said to the flight attendant, it was a nice lady, I said, can I upgrade and get in one of these seats? And she said, yeah, I don't know. Go up, go up front to the desk there and ask him if you can do it. And I said, okay, and went up to the gate and there was a lady and a fellow there. And I said, hey, can I upgrade for the first class? And it was one of these moves where you could see the guy starting to shake his head and wave it off as you were starting to go. Like, it doesn't matter whether you're saying, you know, can you. I gotta use the bathroom or can I get a magazine or can I get a blowjob? Or like, it doesn't. Whatever. As you're going, he's going, like. They start doing the wave off as you're. Because they know something is coming out of your mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

You know how you have a fuck off. Loaded for almost any occasion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Triggered and loaded. I feel like the guy at the desk at the airport has a no. Loaded for almost any occasion. Like, no, no is ready to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I. I see these guys, these guys probably practice at home in front of a full length mirror. Like, like home plate umpires, you know, do. Like they must do.

[Brian Bishop]

I give them the punch out or give them the gun. Shoot.

[Adam Carolla]

Shoot you out. Shoot them out or like, yeah, they must work. Like, they must have their wife. Like, come on, hit me with random questions. Come on, hit me. Just hit me. Do you think you're attractive, ma'? Am? No, I just. Right now, ma', am, what need you do for me is to return to the plane right now. Okay, Ma', am, we're closing the door of the condominium we live in. And once the door is closed, the condominium is set. We can't. Yeah, that, that's. So we started to do the. No. And I said, I just want to upgrade. What's it cost to upgrade? And he said, he did that thing. He did a fucking thing that I hate that all businesses do where they go. Did you buy the premium upgrade in advance like that?

[Gina Grad]

If you did, why would you be asking.

[Adam Carolla]

A very good point. My ass would be in fucking first class, not back here arguing with your ass. But I said, no. And he said, well, that's only for pre executive boarding status, whatever. And I'm like, yeah, but there's three empty seats and I got a wallet here and we can just fix this, right? Like, by the way, don't you want my $175 for this 60 minute flight? And the guy's like, no, no can do. So I said, God damn it. Okay. So I started walking back and I walked into the plane and I saw the cheerful stewardess there, the flight attendant, and she walked in and she went, did you get the upgrade? And I went, as a matter of fact.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, good.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

Did quick thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, no problemo. And she said, oh, good. Then welcome aboard. And I said, oh, there's my seat now. Right over, right over here against the window, right where it's.

[Brian Bishop]

Right where it's supposed to be, right here.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I went and sat down and like clockwork, a woman came in and went, I think that's my. And I went, oh, I must have been off by one. It's like, bitch, what are you waiting for? The whole plane was full. No one else had gotten onto the plane. It was all ready to go. And the one woman got on. I was like, oh. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, I must have been. They must told me the wrong one.

[Brian Bishop]

And I said, well, wait, that's your move. You wait till the very last minute.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I know, but so now

[Brian Bishop]

screwed by your own strategy.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew, by the way, that this guy who looked like. I don't know why. Do you guys see the movie Wreck It Ralph? I was. I was in Wreck It Ralph, the bad nosy neighbor guy who ran like the homeowners association and Wreck It Ralph, he's a little squinty guy with the bad frames. I knew that was going to come around at some point. Drop the manifesto thing off or the manifest and do the move where he saw me sitting there, so I didn't want to be sitting there. So my move. Yeah, well, you'll the. The guy who ran Wreck It Ralph's apartment. Yeah, that was me. Sorry. But I knew he was going to see me sitting there when he dropped off the manifest and I didn't want him to see me there. I said, the steward, the flight attendant. God, we got to call everyone something now. The flight attendant, she said, referring to Mike August. What about your friend? Did you get him the upgrade as well? And I said, oh, don't worry about him. Don't worry about him.

[Brian Bishop]

Actually, I got him a downgrade. He'll be in steerage down below.

[Adam Carolla]

I got him. He's got a run in place while we taxi. So I said, no, no, but I'm going to go back there and rub it in a little bit. Because my plan was when before they shut the door, I knew this asshole was going to come in. And my plan was not to be in first class. When he poked his head in there, it was very small. It's only like four or six seats in there. And I was going to go stand by Mike five aisles back and pretend I was talking to him. But the whole time I was like

[Gina Grad]

an Agatha Christie guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

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[Adam Carolla]

visit quattrodog.com the good news is, thankfully, I'd ordered a beer in the interim. So I had my beer and I'm talking to Mike and I keep going, when are they going to shut that goddamn door? We were sitting on the plane for like 20 minutes. It loaded early, it was half full and it was like, shut the door. Because as soon as they shut the door, I'd scurry back in.

[Brian Bishop]

It was just like Argo.

[Adam Carolla]

Higher stakes. One could argue now out of. Out of a sitcom. The pilot who had a clip on tie. And was it. You pointed out to me that that was me. Yeah, he had a clip on tie.

[Brian Bishop]

Undone.

[Adam Carolla]

Undone clip on tie. No, nothing says ready to party and not Ready to fly an aircraft. Like a shirt undone to the navel with the tie clipped on but slung over the shoulder like Aldo Kelly. Oh, yeah, someone. Thank you. That's me pretending to talk to Mike. First class is up front, 20ft, and I'm just making. I'm going like, if you see the dude with the glasses and the door shut, then it's going to be time for me. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my bald head by your ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's. Yeah, that's. That's Brian's bald head where it's supposed to be. The. The. The pilot has the clip on tie and the shirt undone. I don't mind the clip on tie. I'm. I'm pragmatic that way. And I don't know why we've all wrapped our minds around the clip on bow tie and the wraparound strap bow tie, which is just as much cheating as a clip on tie. Why is the clip on tie bush league but the clip on bow tie? No problemo.

[Gina Grad]

You're right. But it is.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. So he's got this thing dangling in the wind. His shirt's undone to his navel, and he goes, hey, man show. And I'm like, all righty. And he goes, come on up here to the cockpit. I want to show. What. To talk to you.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. He had fixed his tie, but I think it made.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he got his shirt buttoned up.

[Gina Grad]

Who took this photo? And where are they?

[Adam Carolla]

This is. This is after we. Air Marshall. Mike. Mike. They're good.

[Brian Bishop]

So Air Marshall got it right.

[Adam Carolla]

So. So I'm up in the. I'm up in the cockpit with a guy. I got my beer. He's got his clip on tie slung off. And I'm sitting there and I'm talking to him. He's telling me about the man show. Talking about a bit. I guess it's. I guess I don't know why, but the pilots. I guess I do know why. Drunken pilots.

[Allison Rosen]

Where.

[Adam Carolla]

Me and Jimmy went to LAX and we got drunk and we dressed in pilots outfits and caused a bunch of havoc. Somehow this guy likes to party. Looked at that as an inspirational moment.

[Brian Bishop]

His. His. His words were. That bit was so close to real life, you have no idea. I was like, what, you're about to fly the plane?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He was telling us how close to. Yeah. How close art was to imitating life was me and Jimmy getting drunk at an airport before we were supposed to fly a plane. Anyway, I'm standing up there in the cockpit. I got my beer. I'm laughing it up with him and the co pilot. I'm asking him about weather out of Buffalo. He says he's flying out at 7. Very tempting by the way. He's going to port, I think. Where was he going? Puerto Vallarta. Where was he going? Cancun. Either way, it was in Buffalo. And he's flying out at 7am, we're flying out at 6:30. And he's like, hey man, come with us. And I was like, God damn, that sounds like a good idea. Watch a Super bowl in party variety. So I'm fucking having a good time now in the cockpit with this dude. I got my beer, we're laughing it up and I look up and the squinty eyed dude with the round Hitler henchmen, you know the guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark, the crazy Nazi, he was wearing those glasses.

[Brian Bishop]

Belloc or his henchmen?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, either, Both of them. And now he's, he's looking at me who's standing in the cockpit holding a beer which doesn't reek of coach, you know. Then I see him sort of talking to the stewardess going, is that guy? And I do the excuse me I gotta make my way back to coach sort of thing. And then I go there and I'm looking at him and he's just looking at me the whole time. And then he starts pointing and then he starts pointing down at something. And then she starts shaking her head. I feel, I felt. There he is, that's him. I felt bad, like I didn't want to. What would you do? You know what I mean? Like, I don't consider myself a liar. I wanted. There was. I wasn't putting anyone out of their seat. There was, there was a couple of extra seats in first class, for fuck's sake. We fly United all the time. We flew United to Seattle and back last Saturday. I wanted to pay for it.

[Gina Grad]

Doesn't your clip on tie friend have the authority to bump you up?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought he, he actually printed out something from like they have like a ticker tape thing in the cockpit. Ripped it off and handed it to me like for souvenir. It was probably some important piece of navigational something he needed. But it was like the weather and the time and the wind chill and all that kind of shit. Mike was back there trying to read it. Mike was like, this is military time, nobody can read this. But I thought I was in with the dude. Yeah, with the clip on tie. So I was square. And then this guy, the Nazi sympathizer, or just Nazi, was Just shaking his head. And then. I know. And also the poor lady who the, the, the stewardess, you know, flight attendant, she thought we had a bond. You know, I basically just lied to her face. I came right.

[Gina Grad]

I told her what she wanted to hear, what she needed to hear.

[Adam Carolla]

I told her what my ass wanted to hear, which was, I want to sit in that seat. Now, I'm just saying, does this make me a bad person? Does it make me a liar? Like, would most of you lie in this? Wouldn't you lie in this case?

[Brian Bishop]

Either way, I'm excited for this scene in Roard in roadhard.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that? I'm excited to see this scene in Road Hard. I, I, I explained to her later, I attempted to pay. They would not hear of it. I came back, it gave me a choice, and I just thought I'd go with it. And I have figured out that at least 3/4 of life is just nodding your head and going, oh, yeah, absolutely,

[Gina Grad]

and sitting down, because people don't really care. Except for the Nazi. He cares.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's right. That's right. That's right. They, she didn't want to throw me out of first class either. We had a tacit agreement, and it was broken by the Nazi sympathizer that came in. Either way, I had to go slum it with Mike and coach with you guys.

[Gina Grad]

The whole time this caper was happening, which is a lot to happen before a plane takes off, I was just sitting in my seat staring forward as one does in a plane, and I thought that you were sitting in first class because you weren't there for a little while, and then you came back and then you were gone the whole time. In my head, what it was is, oh, wow, he's sitting in first, but he has to talk to Mike August all the time, and that's why he's standing in coach talking to Mike. My God, can't they take a break?

[Adam Carolla]

We were just talking about. And you guys can tell me. You know, it's weird. I've flown a million times. I've sat in first class a thousand times. I could never remember if that person at the gate comes in and eyeballs everybody or just hands him the piece of paper and walks out.

[Gina Grad]

I didn't realize there was that much going back and forth. Like, I'm surprised they let you off the plane and then back on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we had plenty of time, and she was nice and wanted to let me upgrade. That was her deal. I just didn't know if that douchebag was Going to just lean over and hand him the piece of paper. Or he was going to come in there and do what Christoph Waltz did in Inglourious Bastard. You know, start speaking three different languages. Asked for more delicious milk. Lit up his pipe at a certain point, complimented her and her daughters.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I just. This is perhaps naive from an aviation standpoint, but I don't understand why they just can't let you sit there.

[Adam Carolla]

They can do whatever the fuck they want to do. That's the problem. They just choose not to do it. We had the expired. I had my. I told you yesterday, I had my expired United card. And when we were stuck in Detroit two days ago, the chick just looked at it, went, you're. It's expired, but go sit down anyway. And this time we tried it and she went, it's expired. Go sit down in the Chili's. And then this one too. Why is it the price for everything is just a little bit more than it's worth? Like, they go, well, you can renew the card. You want to renew the card? And I go, how much? And then you get that idea in your head of like, where you're stopping and she's like, $550. And like, first off, my parents didn't spend that on me in my entire life. But secondly, if I spend $550, I'm coming here every fucking weekend whether I have to fly or not. And hanging out in this lounge and

[Brian Bishop]

getting drunk like, that's a lot of Johnnie Walker Red to shotgun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is a lot. There's going to be a lot of butt jugging going on if I sp. Spend 550. And then they do this one. Or you can get the day pass for $50, but the day pass is 37 minutes because we got to make the flight. So it's that we'll go the sports bar.

[Gina Grad]

But what actually goes on in there? Is it just that other people can't go in there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's.

[Gina Grad]

That makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

That's, that's mainly what it is. It's a bunch of. It's usually haggard white guys with nice shoes. It's just a bunch of haggard white guys with really nice slip on shoes. And they're always on the phone and they're always, you know, just, their shit's all piled up and their hair's falling out.

[Brian Bishop]

Clip on tie loosened, right?

[Adam Carolla]

To loosen up. Clip on tie. It's, it's, it's the domain of haggard white dudes. Who are they? They make money, but they're, they're as. As. As I always, always say, and I think it's probably true for most of the guys that are inside of that lounge. I would like to have enough money to enjoy the life that my wife and kids have. They have a much better life. I don't have enough money to live their life.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a good life goal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. These are all the guys that don't quite have enough to money to enjoy the life everyone else at home is living. Thus the haggard and the hair. All right, should we do a little nerd walking?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. But first, we're in New York. The super bowl is tomorrow. Obviously, this airs afterwards, but you have not made your super bowl prediction.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

People, gamblers everywhere, including on this stage, need to know how to bet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, all right. But since this thing airs so much after the Super Bowl. All right, I'll make it. I'll make it.

[Brian Bishop]

You're on record.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right, I. I will. We did a. I don't know, Gary. I don't know what we do. Gary. We did a Face. Something.

[Gina Grad]

Instagram.

[Adam Carolla]

Instagram. I don't know what the. All this stuff is.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. When you announced that you were putting your pick on Instagram, I thought, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I. Yeah. Did we put it up? Yeah, absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

It's up there.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I. Can I say this? Broncos 31, Seahawks 27. Thank you, Brian. Now, let me. All right, couple of things. Now, all this goddamn technology. First off, I feel like we had like a record player and that was it for like 54 years. And then somebody came out with an eight track, and then someone, you know, 12 years later, there was a cassette. And then 14 years after that there was a CD. But you had tons and tons of time in between innovations to learn them, not fuck up their name. Know what they did when it was news.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, now you can own your own phone. You don't have to rent one.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right now it's all this Instagram and Twitter and Yodel and Facebook and Bugles and all this shit, and it all comes flying at me at once, and I don't know what the hell to do with any of it. It's all. It all came on the same weekend, you know what I'm saying? We used to get a good decade to digest the technology. One other quick thing that I don't understand, but maybe someone does. I did the move. We did a bunch of shows last night in Chicago, and we took a couple of waters from the club and threw it in my backpack. And of course, this morning, when we were going through the airport. I left one of the waters in the backpack. And then as it was coming through, the radar detector, the radiation machine, whatever, the fan, the belt with the thing. By the way, Mike August can back me up on this. When we were going through security today, I don't know if you guys got this, but Mike started kicking his shoes off and taking his belt off. And the guy went, shoes on, belt on, jackets on, sombrero's on, gauchos on, ponchos on, everything on. Right on through. And Mike started, like. He started pulling his laptop. And the guy's like, laptop in the backpack, right through. And Mike's like, I put it in a separate tray in the backpack, shoes on. And it's like, I did. First off, we in fucking backwards world. And then secondly, if we. If you are going to train us to do something like the fucking sheep we have all become, where you just instinctively start kicking your shoe off and pulling your belt out. And you've been scolded so many times for not taking your laptop, sir. Laptop in the bed alone, in the bin, not in the pockets.

[Brian Bishop]

Totally empty, right?

[Gina Grad]

Like, do you have any lotions or gels? They need to be in one separate

[Adam Carolla]

bath so many times. Don't start at 10. When the shoes are staying on. Like, Mike is kicking his shoes off, and they're like, sir, shoes on. And he's like, what? Shoes on? Like, did you guys get that, too?

[Brian Bishop]

I got it. And I even said to Allison, I thought they mistook me for TSA pre check, because the guy's like, no, shoes on. Keep all your stuff together. I'm like, okie doke.

[Gina Grad]

I got raped going through, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I heard you got pulled. Pulled aside. All right, I want to hear that One second. I just want to say. So you tell me what the strategy of this is. So shoes were on, belt was on. Everything was on. Computer in the bag. Fine. Through the security, get the backpack pulled out. There's a water in here, sir. Dude does the move where she goes, sir, you. We. You want to go. There's this move. Would you like to go to the other side of security and chug this and then come back? I didn't just finish a 10K. I'm fine. The sheer shirt, sexing it up. Look at these areolas. So I had to do the move with the U.N. i. I hate the fact that there's people in many parts of the world that don't have water, that's not infested with mosquitoes that have malaria and are Pregnant with a baby that has aids. But we have to take this perfectly good bottled, filtered water and throw it away. But let's just examine the science here. So she's like, sir, you can't. This can't come onto the. Oh, yeah, sorry. Would you like to drink it over there, 20ft away? No. Okay, well, then it's gonna have to go in the garbage can right here in case it's nitroglycerin. Right. But if it's nitroglycerin and it's going into the trash can that you guys are all standing around, aren't you guys just gonna blow up and it's gonna

[Brian Bishop]

do more damage right there in security than it's gonna do in the air.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue that if this thing has a timer on it and just turns into a fucking ball of flame, that it's gonna take out a whole bunch of innocent folks who wouldn't have even been on the same plane. This is a way to get to people on 50 different planes and cause total chaos in this place.

[Gina Grad]

Why, what a great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, don't do it any use. Al Qaeda sleeper cell guys out there. But I'm just saying, is this liquid dangerous or is it not? Because I can drink it 18 paces from where I'm standing, or I can throw it out because it's too dangerous to bring on the plane because it may be explosive. But if I do throw it out, it'll sit right here where you guys work for the entire day. What the fuck?

[Gina Grad]

There should be an oil drum that you throw it into.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Then they should take it out to sea immediately.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And blow it up. All right. Oh, sorry. You were. You were. You were raped. Sorry.

[Gina Grad]

Oh. I mean, it wasn't true rape.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

On a college campus. I feel like you should be careful tossing that word around.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

But I just. I didn't get any special treatment at all.

[Adam Carolla]

No does not mean no to the tsa, though.

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

No does not mean no. You get pepper sprayed if you say no to the tsa.

[Gina Grad]

You know, the one place where they don't give a about recycling is that trash can right before you go on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I am.

[Gina Grad]

I'm so afraid to throw anything out because I'm. I'm surrounded by people who. Well, you're someone who's actually pretty strict about recycling.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm nuts about it. And I had to throw away ingots of aluminum. Bars of aluminum. No, I'm just making. But yes, right before you get on the plane, whatever you chuck in Is just one big. Yeah. Is that rape? Is that the rape story?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, no, that was. That was separate from that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, not recycling. I wouldn't count as rape, even. Even in a very loose definition.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

The loosest.

[Adam Carolla]

That trash can was asking for it. See the way it was wearing its hefty bag all jacked up high around the rim there.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. No, I. I did not actually get raped or anything.

[Caller]

Thing.

[Gina Grad]

Just to be perfectly honest. But it felt like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, tell us. Tell us what happened.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Gina Grad]

Okay. It's not. See, I'm. I'm hesitating to tell the story because it's not a good one. I opted out of going through the millimeter wave detection.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll decide if it's a good one.

[Gina Grad]

Fine. If I have the time. I do not enjoy going through the millimeter wave detection X ray machine things.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Because you want to get pregnant one day.

[Gina Grad]

One day I would like to. And I don't want them to scramble my.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

The scrambling lady bits.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Although they say that. That there's no chance of that. And they say it's totally fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

And so I believe it enough that if I'm in a rush, I will.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

But I figure who knows how well it's truly calibrated.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't want to. You don't want to go to the thing where you put your hands up.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Where the old timey shoes. Like the shoes Jimmy Durante would have worn.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Are. Not only is there a heel in the. In the toe, but they're size five and a half. Like, they're a very small gentleman from the 30s. Must have been the model for these shoes.

[Gina Grad]

If you went to a dance class, you would see those on the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Arthur Murray would have those probably on the wall. And you'd have to follow them. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you don't want to go through that thing.

[Gina Grad]

Right, Right. And not all airports have them. Yeah. So sometimes it's not even a problem at all.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, to me, the worst position ever, when the electronic wand is waving past you and going back as hands. I want to do hand over the junk. You know what I mean? I want the two hander over the junk, not the hand. As far away as humanly possible from my junk. And then the irradiated wand, or the radiated wand goes back and forth in front of it. But yes.

[Gina Grad]

So anyway, you. And they're totally fine with you asking not to go through. Like they have a full protocol for that. So you just say that you want to opt Out. And then they say, stand over here. And then, like, they yell into their hand or whatever, female assist. We need a female assist. And then 20 minutes later, or sometimes more, it's always a really long time. And the whole time you're nervously looking at your stuff that's gone through the machine.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think it's 80%, 20% dudes and chicks like, the opting out? And then how much of it is modesty? Because, well, women feel like this is a little revealing. And guys like, yeah, dude, check out my junk. Like, guys like the idea that there's someone in another room staring at their bot circumcision being.

[Brian Bishop]

Being on a monitor, being forced to stare at it. Getting paid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

So then do you think if a guy opts out, that speaker speaks volumes?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I'm trying to think if anyone works in one of those places. But the opting out, between the scrambling of the eggs and the sort of modesty part of the thing, it's probably 75% women. Right? It's never. It's not going to be 50.

[Gina Grad]

So then they. And they ask you a series of questions. They say, do you have any, like, sore or irritated spots on your body? Which would be interesting if I said, yeah, I've got open sores, and one is oozing. And then they explain that you should

[Adam Carolla]

answer your frontal lobe from having to go through this charade.

[Gina Grad]

There's something in my mind that they will use their hands to, like, frisk you, and they'll use the back of their hands around sensitive areas. And then they. They demonstrate this on an imaginary body in front of you. So they'll do the back of their hands under your breasts and around your breasts. It was more graphic this time. And on the side of.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's always. It's always a woman, right?

[Gina Grad]

It's a woman. Yeah. And they ask if you want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Females who work for the tsa. Lesbians, though. And doesn't that cancel it out and turn it into a sexual experience for them?

[Gina Grad]

I should have asked. Who. Who do you love?

[Adam Carolla]

You. You. You know what we need? It's time to bring back the eunuchs.

[Gina Grad]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like, we had. We had use for eunuchs in olden days.

[Brian Bishop]

Any volunteers in the audience?

[Adam Carolla]

I just know if you had enough money or big enough spread, you had a couple of eunuchs floating around in your entourage. Yes. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Although getting felt up by a eunuch at the airport would be weird.

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like, you know, How I like my instant replay gimp for the NFL. Just the guy who does know. He just doesn't have a dog in the fight. Just drag him out and beat him. And he gets under the thing and does a thumbs up or something. Thumbs down and then back to the basement.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the gib isn't even sure what day it is.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that?

[Brian Bishop]

He's not even sure what day it is. The gimp.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's confused.

[Brian Bishop]

He's been in a cage or a box.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm saying like the eunuch. I feel like we have a lot of stuff today, especially security oriented stuff where we. It's a big thing where it's like we need a female off. We have to wait until a female officer arrives. Or male. Whatever, whatever it is. We just had just the airport eunuch and we could save time. They wouldn't have to go get that person. Just the one asexual person with ambiguous genitalia. Just like standing there feeling everything. Smarties and balls.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, smart.

[Gina Grad]

We need that. So she was very hands on and very thorough. Because I've had this, you know, I've done this before and usually it's like very light.

[Adam Carolla]

They do the pat down and lick their finger first. I, I've had that. Do a full index dip, you know.

[Gina Grad]

Right. Your skin feels kind of dry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Are you over moisturizing?

[Gina Grad]

So, and I said to her, oh, you're really. Because you have, you make awkward, you know, small talking. So you're really thorough. She's like, yeah, I've gotten that before. Yeah, it was weirdly flirtatious actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so they go under the breast and up in the.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, they feel up your legs and, and like your ankles and the whole, the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It basically we have created an America where whatever you get what you just got at the airport and inside the

[Gina Grad]

waistband of my jeans.

[Adam Carolla]

I just remembered that essentially was third base 50 years ago.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Now takes place at the airport. Now third base is fisting with like, you know, a broken bottle or something. But it says years ago that was third base. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

It was very intimate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Gina Grad]

And then they do that weird thing where they take that little strip and that. I don't know, I guess she rubs it on her glove and then she feeds it into a machine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And then it.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know what it says. Whether you have explanations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I did that. They came back and she said you have combination skin with an oily T zone and you're over moisturizing once again. And that was It. She sent me to the Neutrogena store, and that was our last time I saw that. She was an angel. Changed my life, by the way. I like when somebody announces that somebody told them to do something with their skin or their hair, and they go, change my life. And I'm always thinking, like, how fucked up was your life?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or conversation, personally. How close to perfect was it that all you got was a tip on your hair? Then it completely changed everything. Changed my life. So you were pulled aside, but. But you were sort of voluntarily pulled.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, yes, But I didn't have the option of keeping my shoes on. The whole thing that Mike August and that Brian had, where someone just whisked them through. I didn't have that at all.

[Adam Carolla]

We. We had. And then we'll do a little nerd walking for you. We had the most depressing thing ever flying out of Detroit, which is one long security line that fed just one belt and one X ray machine. So normally you have this sort of psychological thing where the line is long, but you can see three or four open whatevers. And you just go, well, at some point we're going to branch off and we'll get someone. We'll go our separate ways. You know, we'll be like a mighty river that breaks off in tributaries or something. But this was one fucking machine. One conveyor belt. Ironically, poor Mike was getting mouthy with some of the people. But there were five other units that were not on. But they still had security guarding the fucking units that weren't on. Like, just the personnel doing this. Like, somebody. Honey, you could turn around and flip that fucking switch on and we could start feathering off. And. And it was one big long line. You could see where it went. It just went all the way down and into one fucking thing, like. And it never changed. They were all open. It was that sort of thing where. Remember back when you'd go to the bank and there'd be a long line and just like two tellers. It was that thing or what. There were 13 TSA people just milling about, but nobody. And, you know, I just said, look out of fucking. Just do it piecemeal. Do it by the head. Do it like, you know, you get 50 cents every. Every asshole gets pushed through this thing. I guarantee they would open up the rest of those things and everyone would fucking shake a leg anyway. Shall we do a little nerd walking, Brian? Do you have that? Let's do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Nerd walking.

[Adam Carolla]

Nerds. We're asking nerds if they know what guys who are Dorks should know they are all virgins. It's time for nerd walking. Cause you are nerds. Nerds. All right, so this is at the CES. Yes, this is nerd rocket walking from CES recorded on the Irig mic. Courtesy of ikmultimedia.com Chris locks him on, asked the questions to Max. Mike. Yes.

[Russell Peters]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Dr. Drew thought that was his actual name. He. He actually. All right, Mike, here we go. Chris. Evan Rude. What kind of products? What? Here we go. All right, Mike, here we go. Evan Rude makes what kind of products?

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't hear the question.

[Gina Grad]

Evan Rude makes what kind of product?

[Adam Carolla]

What do they make? Change root. Outboard motors. They call them Evin root or they just call them Rude. I make outboard motors. Yeah, we don't know this one.

[Gina Grad]

I think Evan Rude was also a character in the Rescuers.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so if we don't know it, then the nerd. We're looking at the picture of the nerd. He's not going to know it, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they stumped everyone here on stage. So I'm going to say no.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we all say no. All right, Mike, here we go. Evinrude makes what kind of products? Evinrude. Headphones. It's probably not a fine example of a nerd walking when nobody in the auditorium or on stage knows what the he's talking about. Probably not the greatest one to get out of the gate with, but let's keep going. Who is Roger Goodell? Let's see. Roger. Let's see. Is that the baseball commissioner of the NFL? NFL. Oh, you say good. Oh, Goodell. I can't understand what he's saying. Evan Goodell. Let's see.

[Gina Grad]

All right, I think. I think he'll know because I actually knew this one.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, it is. It's the biggest sport in the world. I say knows too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he knows.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Who is Roger Goodell? NFL commissioner. All right, all right. So we're all one for one, right? Or two for two. Here we go. What is a 16 penny sink? Now, see, I'm the only one who's gonna know what that is.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't that. Oh, is it a nail?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a nail sinker. Means vinyl coated, so they go in easier. 16 Penny is the size they measure. I don't know what the fuck. Why do we need. By the way. Hold on a second. I'm pissed off. I was just standing at the fucking liquor barn and I was staring at a box of wine and the box of wine was. You Know, half the size of a lunch pail. Like, it wasn't that big. And I was like, how big is that box of wine? And they're like, it's a liter. And I staring at it, going, that's a liter. It doesn't look very big. And then I was staring at a 750 milliliter bottle of wine, and I said, oh, how many. Well, then, is there, like, one of these? How many of these are in there? And then everyone broke off in discussion groups, and 20 minutes later, we had no fucking answ answers. I'm tired of the knots. I'm tired of. We were talking about your tumor the other day. It was a millimeters and the centimeters. Yes, just tired. There's 16 penny nails. There's eight penny nails. There's 10 penny. Penny is some. With the. Penny is some. I don't know what happened here, Mike. It. Penny is some old English unit. It's like. Like I'm tired of turning on HBO2 and seeing boxing out of Scotland coming in at 8.6 stone already. 8.6 stone? Like Duff. Oh, what do you think? I'm going, that's 151 and a half pounds. Like, what the fuck do we need stone?

[Brian Bishop]

That guy's huge. Or tiny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. We don't need stone. We don't need fathoms. We don't need. We should just decide we're going metric or standard. It's so confusing. Penny nails, it's about a three and a half. Sixteen pennies is about three and a quarter, three and a half inches. Anyway, he's not going to know what that is because no one would know what that is. Only people who frame buildings for a living know what that is. Allison just used the N word. That was so out of line, and I don't feel like it factors into this at all. But you should be so happy that microphone was not turned on to capture that. It sickens me. It sickens me, and I won't tolerate it for that much more longer.

[Brian Bishop]

This really worked out in our favor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so I say no. You say no. You say no.

[Brian Bishop]

I say, actually, you know what? Nerds are tinkerers, and they love to. To fuck around and build things. I mean, like, you know, little models and stuff. I'm gonna go on a limb and say yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. All right. What is a 16 penny sinker? 16 penny sinker. Shot of whiskey. What is an oscillating spindle sander? All right, here we go. If you are in three now, I'm two and one. Two and one. Yes. All right, if you are in a F350 dually, what are you in? All right, all right. Allison's gonna have to either. We're gonna have to get her an auxiliary mic or a bullhorn or something. Dawson is doing something. It's coming. It's coming, boss. He's giving the thumbs up. All right. She used a very derogatory term for Asian American people just now, so. And I didn't even want to. It would confuse you. It goes back to Vietnam. Anyway, there's another microphone. Please be careful what you say now.

[Russell Peters]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

That. That thing works. All right, so Ford. Did we say Ford 350 dually?

[Gina Grad]

See, what? I actually know this one, and usually I'm a good yardstick, but I still think he's probably not going to know, because the only reason I know is because of you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I have an F350 dually.

[Brian Bishop]

I say yes, he said F350.

[Adam Carolla]

I say yes, he said ford. And we got to tell loxapaxa to slow it down just a little bit. He's shotgunning these things out a little bit. Hard to understand.

[Gina Grad]

Just relate that to loxapaxa.

[Adam Carolla]

I say yes, Brian says yes, and I say no. No. If you are in a F350 dually, what are you in? Ford truck. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Thank you. All right, so now you're in the lead by one, right? 403131. All right, here we go. This is the last one. Championship rounds, people. Name one movie starring Jason Statham. Oh, one movie starring Jason Statham.

[Gina Grad]

I think he can do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Absolutely, he can do it. Probably a movie nerd.

[Caller]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

He'll say yes. He knows one for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I want to say yes, too, but really what I should have done is just said yes, and you two say no.

[Gina Grad]

If it's important to you that that happens, I'm willing to say no.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like one of those, you know, like, if you're ever, like, at binions or slots of fun, and it's like, 4am and it's a Tuesday, and there's no action going on whatsoever, and you're just sitting there at the blackjack table and the dealer showing a four, and you have 18, and you're like, hit me. And the dealer goes, are you absolutely sure you'd like to do that, man? And you go, hit me. Are you sure? Are you sure I can do it, but are you sure you really want to? That's what I'm doing right now to you guys, I'm saying. Are you sure? Because you should just disagree with what I'm saying, because that's the way to get back to even.

[Gina Grad]

All right, Whatever Adam says, I'm going with the opposite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, thanks. Yeah. I say he does know a movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, then he does not.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's the way we could get.

[Gina Grad]

But it's funny because we both thought he didn't first. But you're saying we should defer what to what you think, which is the same as what we think.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you didn't think he. You didn't.

[Gina Grad]

No, we think he knows.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think he knows too.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's. All right.

[Gina Grad]

No, he doesn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

You understand what I'm doing here, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I do. I'm just.

[Adam Carolla]

If we all pick the same answer, it's mathematically impossible for you guys to tie it up.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's see how this plays out.

[Gina Grad]

Right, Right. What I'm saying is you're saying you should. Brian and I should choose something different than what you're choosing. And I'm saying. Well, but we both answered first. We both answered the same way. So to have your vision of how this should go borne out, you could just say he doesn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

But you think he knows.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he knows.

[Gina Grad]

Hence, you're saying we should change our answers.

[Adam Carolla]

I do.

[Gina Grad]

That's. Yeah. All right. He doesn't know.

[Brian Bishop]

He doesn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I say knows. Name one movie starring Jason Statham. Braveheart. We just tied it up.

[Gina Grad]

You were right.

[Brian Bishop]

Good job, Allison.

[Gina Grad]

I'm glad we. We hit on the 18.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I happen to know he was one of the extras in the deep, deep, deep, like legions. Way back. He was guy on horse number 128.

[Brian Bishop]

You couldn't tell because he had blue face painting.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Stacey. All right, so we all just tied it up. We have a three way tie. Yes. Now a three way tie breaker. Ah, the three.

[Brian Bishop]

These three trilogies.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is your favorite? Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or the Matrix?

[Gina Grad]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or the Matrix? Which is his favorite trilogy? Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or Matrix? I'm gonna go now. I'm going Matrix.

[Gina Grad]

I am going Star Wars.

[Adam Carolla]

And now, Brian, you must go Lord of the Rings.

[Brian Bishop]

That. That's fine for me because he thought Jason Statham was in Braveheart, which means he knows nothing about movies and would therefore choose Lord of the Rings.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, the three.

[Brian Bishop]

These three trilogies.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is your favorite? Star Wars, Lord of the Rings. Or the Matrix. Matrix. Yes. Fuck yes. Fuck, yes. Sure. You're the best, Ace. Fucking want some? But I can't have any. All right. Hey, good game. Good game, you guys.

[Brian Bishop]

You really, you really earned that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's just how it should work. We all tied it up, and I'm very magnanimous gesture on my behalf. And then I took the fucking victory. I just snatched that victory home right

[Gina Grad]

out of our hands. How much of a rush?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, should we do some news with Allison Rosen?

[Gina Grad]

Yes, but can we just,

[Allison Rosen]

for a

[Gina Grad]

second, can we just talk about how much of a rush Chris Maxapata must have been in when he was asking those questions? Did he have to pee? What was going on?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't, I don't know what. I don't know if that was sped up or Max apparent as, you know, diminutive and of Asian descent. So they do do things a little faster than we do.

[Brian Bishop]

Plus, they're shifty.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike's hot.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. That was done at ces, where most people are at work, and Chris was

[Brian Bishop]

having a serious problem getting anyone to

[Adam Carolla]

stop long enough to answer the question.

[Brian Bishop]

So he was rushing through because people wouldn't stand still still long enough for us to get answers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Next time we'll slow down, tell them not to do it. Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

News.

[Adam Carolla]

The News with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. No, no. When it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it Cut. It's Allison. No, no.

[Gina Grad]

So Howard Stern's big 60th live birthday party aired on Friday live on Sirius. And according to Twitter, every single person except us was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I know.

[Gina Grad]

I have a list of some of them.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, I had. I have to apologize to cousin Sal when I see him at Jimmy's house for the super bowl tomorrow, which is Mike August and I, after being ejected from the United Lounge because the card was expired, got on the people mover, and we were being moved nicely across the airport. And I looked up and I saw a screen from a bar. It was on a sports bar. And I looked at it, and as we were moving and going by, I went, oh, my God, there's Howard, there's Jimmy and cousin Sal. I said, oh, no. Well, you have to keep in mind, the screen was. It was a 38 inch plasma that was 38ft from us, and we were moving on the people mover.

[Brian Bishop]

Plus context will fuck with You a lot like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You see Jimmy, you see Howard, you're

[Adam Carolla]

like, I thought cousin Sal was up there with whatever. It's not, you know, Gary's gonna find a picture of cousin Sal that looks nothing like Christie. But if you know cousin Sal and if you're far enough away and moving enough, and if Sal put on a couple of pounds, he has. And Mike looked up too, and Mike went, it's cousin Sal. We thought that was it. Yes. That's Howard and Jimmy and everyone on the dais having a good time but us. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Did you find out if your wife went to the party?

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't, I didn't get into it. I didn't ask. I'm assuming she did.

[Gina Grad]

Well, if she did, some of the people she would have seen there. Robert Downey Jr, Bryan Cranston.

[Adam Carolla]

Cranston was there?

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I was fucking invited to this goddamn thing.

[Gina Grad]

Sarah Silverman.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, thank you. Thank you. Cousins. All right, you get an idea, right? You put him in a pinstripe and have him put you on the people mover and have a long night the night before. Yeah. Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

He doesn't look unlike Sal from far away.

[Adam Carolla]

Not again. When you're. All your brain ever tries to do is sort of connect dots. That's why every chick named Tristan gets called Kristen first, because we don't fucking know what a Tristan is.

[Gina Grad]

Lena Dunham. Ryan. I don't know if it's Ryan. Philippe or Philippe.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Philippe.

[Gina Grad]

Wait, what?

[Brian Bishop]

It's Philippe.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy loves me.

[Gina Grad]

Does he?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Every time I go to one of Jimmy's parties, he's sitting there and that's all he talks about. Oh, Phillips, him and crazy was there.

[Gina Grad]

Heidi Klum, Fred Armisen, Rosie o', Donnell, Katie Couric, Louis ck, Joan Rivers. Have you met her?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, she's been on the show a few times or something. I, I, she is just who she is all the time. You know, there's no not being her.

[Gina Grad]

But Seth Meyers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like Letterman. Not a fan.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. I got that from the moan.

[Adam Carolla]

He, we just about every, when we're doing this Paul Newman documentary, everybody we went after, including Robert Redford, just about save Tom Cruise. Everybody we spoke to about being in this documentary was immediately I'm in. And Letterman, who owns an Indy racing team and Newman Letterman is a co owner in an Indy racing team. I think him and Bobby Rahal teamed up for many years. He's a huge indie guy. Newman was co owner of an Indy racing team. That won eight world championships. So they're both very deep into Indy car racing, and I think they're big fans of each other. And he drives the souped up Volvo that you saw with Jerry Seinfeld driving. And it's a long story, but he said, no, no, thanks, will not be in your documentary, so.

[Gina Grad]

Well, he was there.

[Adam Carolla]

I expected him to say no, and he did not. Disappointers never disappoint.

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Are you still waiting to hear back from Tom Cruise?

[Adam Carolla]

We have scooted past Tom Cruise, but he's going to be in this documentary because we have a lot of old footage of him driving with Newman back in the day. He didn't drive with him. He drove in sort of the, you know, showroom production class, they called it.

[Gina Grad]

Chris Christie was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris Christie, Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you.

[Gina Grad]

Okay. There's a lot of. I keep encountering stories talking about how much the Chris Christie scandal is going to impact his chances for running for president or, like, whether he's done politically. What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I don't know. I don't think, you know, I don't think anything really, ever. Here's my whole thing. I subscribe to this sort of Don King approach to life in human beings, which is. Don King is a man who used to probably deal some stuff and killed a man by stomping him to death. Like, literally kicked a guy in the head who owed him 50 bucks in St. Louis, just kicked his head against the curb until the guy died. Not many of us could do that. Probably less than 20% of the people in this room could physically kick somebody's head until they died. He did that. And so he killed a person by basically kicking him in the head. Later on, he grew out his hair and he waved little American flags around and said, only in America, and America fell in love with him. He's ripped off every fighter he's ever gotten in bed with. He always does this thing where he sort of plays a racial card. Like, hey, you want to be hooked up with a brother?

[Gina Grad]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he hooks up with the brother, and then he rips a brother off. He actually, I'll get it one way or the other. But he would show up with, like, one fighter. Like, he'd show up with Muhammad Ali, and then when Joe Frazier knocked out Muhammad Ali, he would leave with Joe Frazier. Like, he was that kind of dude. But all we remember is the lovable dude with the crazy hair who waves the little miniature flags around because we don't have time to really, like, get into Things, you know what I'm saying?

[Gina Grad]

Is this a message for Chris Christie's hair?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm saying, grow out that fogging. No, I'm just saying we'll sort of look at you, at, you know, if he says. If he goes on Letterman and says something funny, all is forgiven. If he makes a joke that's self deprecating about his weight, all is forgiving. If he. If given. If he gets a miniature American flag, it says, only in America and waves around, all is forgiven. That's kind of how we are. We don't really. As far as the politicians go, they most, all of them have done a bunch of either amoral things or bizarre sexual things or just flat out fucking evil things. You can't get to where you are without a bunch of that shit in your closet. So I think we'll get past it.

[Gina Grad]

Bon Jovi was a musical guest at the party and other musical guests John Fogarty, Jewell, Black Keys, Dave Brull, Adam Levine, Steven Tyler and Jimmy Kimmel emceed. And he said about Stern as a broadcaster, that Stern did to radio what Picasso did to visual art.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. What the.

[Gina Grad]

How do you feel about that,

[Adam Carolla]

Picasso? Jimmy likes art. Yeah. You mean the guy who drew a bunch of shit that no one understands? I suppose I. I think to me, I mean, I guess what. What Jimmy was saying is everyone used to go, look, just draw that fruit bowl and draw it the best way you can. And in lieu of having something called a camera, you just draw it and that'll be our camera. And then Picasso went, fuck that. I'm putting the nose facing the wrong way on that bitch. And then it opened some doors. And what opened doors, as far as Stern goes, is Stern did his own thing. Everyone has a program director, they have a clock, they have a certain cadence and a certain rhythm, and they tell you, this is how to do radio. And you just follow that radio recipe. And everyone who sort of came before him either was creating the recipe or following the recipe, and he didn't follow the recipe, and that's why he is who he is. By the way, the recipe is put in place for people who don't have talent, so they don't get injured in the kitchen. Do you know what I'm saying? But he has his own recipe and it works for him. But don't think anyone who's listening is going to have that work out for them, except for me. Thank you. But I'm not listening.

[Gina Grad]

And Stern said the party was, quote, the most incredible night of my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it his 6?

[Gina Grad]

60th? Yeah. I mean, his birthday was earlier in the month, but this is when it was celebrated, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Anyway, that was. Fucking Cranston was there. God damn, man. And Jovi. Cranston and Jovi in the same room.

[Gina Grad]

That's the one that's getting to you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

For me, it would BE Robert Downey Jr.

[Adam Carolla]

He is. He is such the real deal, that guy. I mean, he. That's why whenever there's an award show or anything, he just comes out there and knocks it out of the park. That guy came on Loveline some years back and I just remember being blown away. Do you remember that, Brian? Were you there?

[Brian Bishop]

He was a great guest and he was a nice guy. He was like a good dude. And he was funny and totally engaged and smart, like, really smart.

[Gina Grad]

Were you turned on? Were you turned on by him?

[Allison Rosen]

Look,

[Adam Carolla]

I don't plan on going gay, but I do think if, you know, look, if somebody said like, Brian, if you just said like, hey, I got my dick sucked last night.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, I got my dick sucked last

[Adam Carolla]

night, I'd be like, what? Who? Suck your dick?

[Brian Bishop]

Our DJ, Robert Downey Jr.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, seems cool. That would be.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a really cool dude. Sucks a great dick.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Meaning, like, if a long haul trucker did it, I'd probably be like, what, you're married. What's going on? You think your wife would appreciate it? But if you said Robert Downey Jr. Did it, I'd go.

[Brian Bishop]

There'd be a lot fewer follow up questions.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

If it was Downey.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Was he wearing the outfit and he just took the helmet off or. That would be the ultimate. Yeah, I'm just saying that's. That's. He's a cool cat, but he's one of these guys who definitely fucking backs it up. Like, he just brings it and backs it up. I've always said, you know, there's some of those guys out there, like Brad Pitt, who I don't really think are the real deal, and even Robert De Niro and stuff, who I think are great actors, but not great. Their minds aren't so great. Downey Jr. Is absolutely amazing. That guy's just a gem.

[Brian Bishop]

And he sucks a mean dick and

[Adam Carolla]

he sucks a hell of a cock.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, so do you remember on a recent podcast we were talking about how weather people get so many things wrong because we didn't even know if we were going to make it to Buffalo or not because of maximum, which happened, but didn't delay us and then you were saying that probably the way that the weather is determined is it's a bunch of apes.

[Adam Carolla]

Chimpanzees.

[Gina Grad]

Chimpanzees, yeah. Well, did you know that there's an ape in Utah that picks the super bowl winners? Is that. Were you making reference to that or is that just coincidence?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, coincidence.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Eli the ape in Utah has picked the last six super bowl winners correctly.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that orangutan, I feel like. Or is that just an ape? An ape family. So your name, how's that work?

[Gina Grad]

I think that's Eli the. The ape.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that Eli.

[Gina Grad]

This is. That's Eli the ape himself. And so the way he does it is he goes into an enclosure and then he knocks down a paper mache helmet without hesitation. This time he chose that. He knocked down the Seahawks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but let me say this.

[Gina Grad]

That means they're gonna win.

[Adam Carolla]

Every fucking time we do the thing where we go, the guy who wins the team that wins the Madden Xbox game the day before the super bowl has won 49 years in a row. And then soon as we start, as soon as we catch on to it, it never happens that year. When it becomes a news story, then it somehow doesn't happen. So they'll do the one where he picked 11 Super Bowls in a row this way, but we never heard about it. Now we're talking about it can't happen. Unless I just said it can't happen now. It will happen. Although I just said that.

[Gina Grad]

But. But you picked the Broncos, which means they can't win.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but we'll have to see if. I bet. I have to bet in order to solidify the. The bad mojo that I have me. Just saying it doesn't mean anything doesn't do it. I have to. Have to lay money down.

[Gina Grad]

Right. It's just science.

[Adam Carolla]

So. So he. Now did we figure out if this orangutan or an ape or an apes orangutan or what is he. He's got a weird head. What the fuck's going on with him?

[Gina Grad]

What are you talking about? Any simian experts out there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no one gives a shit. It's orangutan. Right, but. But that's still technically an ape. Right? All right, but I picture an ape. I picture that thing that throws around the Samsonite bags, you know?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I'm old school and I picture the thing. Oh, no, I picture a gorilla is what I picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, that was a gorilla. All right.

[Gina Grad]

I pictured. I picture Coco.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

That has the kitten or had the kitten.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's Right.

[Gina Grad]

Okay. Did you know. And this in light of the fact that we just had a show where two couples or two couples got engaged during the show, which was crazy. Wedding insurance is a burgeoning business. So this is for. Because people put out so much money to pay for a wedding here, you can take out a policy so that if something comes up, so. And you can't have the wedding, like someone gets cold feet or weather or what have you, you don't lose your money, it's kind of hedging your bets.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Gina Grad]

Super unromantic.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like it's a prenup for your actual wedding.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so what, what is it like? I wonder, I wonder what? So like there could be like, act of God, so like a hurricane blows in and you're going to have a beach wedding or something like that. And that's totally fucked up with the tent blows over, you'd get, you'd get compensated. Yeah, but somebody backing out, you get compensated as well.

[Gina Grad]

Although, of course, that brings that part of a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I would start doing that for business. Right. I imagine I would find the lesbian who patted you down at the TSA and go, listen, you want to whack up 20 grand? Here's how we do it. Pretend to be attracted to me while we talk to these nice people, fill out a little paperwork, and don't worry,

[Gina Grad]

there must be some safeguard in place for that because that seems like an obvious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it does seem like it'd be an interesting thing to, you know, it'd be sort of like the, the, the, the. What is it? The Green Card. What was that delightful movie with that one?

[Gina Grad]

Gerard Depardieu and Andy McDowell.

[Adam Carolla]

Annie McDowell. Yeah. What I'm. What I'm saying is, is like, would somebody have to show up from the insurance place and like, go, you guys are going to get. All right, 69 for me. Let me watch. I want to make sure this is for real. Okay. This not. You guys aren't brother and sister.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like, like asking a teenager to parallel park on their driving track.

[Russell Peters]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I'm going to stand here with a clipboard While you guys, 69, shake my head disapprovingly, take my glasses off and let them hang around my chain, put them back on again and shrug. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

How did you do on your driving test when you got your license?

[Adam Carolla]

I did. I. I took my driver's test in my father's 1975 VW rabbit. He had a four speed rabbit. It was the worst Car. Oh yeah. To do it in. Because first off, driving an automatic car is really just like driving a fucking go kart around. Like it's no big deal. But when you're dealing with the clutch and the thing and that's the hardest part about learning how to drive, and it's sort of two thirds of what you're trying to do when you're doing your driver's test. You take it in an automatic. You just have to sort of hold her steady and go down the road. Yes, I did exactly what I knew I was going to do the five or six times I practiced in my dad's car in the parking lot of the May Company in North Hollywood, back when shit used to close on Sundays and you would have parking lots to practice shit in. I don't know, kids today, they're going to go, there's going to learn on driving simulators or something because it used to be shit was closed on Sunday. Parking lots open, out come the mini bikes or whatever the fuck you want to do in that open expanse of asphalt. And every time I backed up, I'd put it in reverse, look over my shoulder, start letting the clutch out, and the car would start lifting up. And it's because I forgot to release the handbrake. And I remember doing one of those things where it's like I got to remember to release the hand. And sure enough, we started to back out the DMV with the car and the handbrake engage so that the guy, you know, down to the clipboard for the demerit point. And then eventually he just started drawing a turtle that looked like a pirate on there. I think he got bored. He got bored. And I got just enough, like just the fuck enough to get through there. And I got my driver's license. And the first thing I went to do was to get my buddy Chris to see if I could jump my dad's car over these railroad tracks that were on Chandler Boulevard. I've been riding over them in my bicycle for like 10 years going, I bet if I had a car I could catch air. And that's what we did.

[Gina Grad]

That's what you were dying to get your license for.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted to go stunt driving. Yeah, I worry. I mean, like I said, some kids have that gene. Some kids don't have that gene. And I had that gene. My son is going to be full puss. My daughter, I'm sure will be doing donuts in the of like the cop precincts parking lot with her skirt over her head and a bottle Of Jack Daniels out the window. I'm fucking sure of it. I'm sure of it. She needed the zip. I told you. She needed the zip line put up in the back of the house. They have zip lines. She wanted a zip line in her yard. My son's full puss. Won't get near the thing. Wants nothing to do with it. She started going down it, then she started going down it and she climbing up the tree and jumping on it. She's doing this full crazy move. And now her big thing is she takes the tire swing, which runs across it and gives it a big swing. So an act like a big pendulum. And she can then go down and see if she can miss this tire swing that's going to knock her out if it hits her. Basically, this is how the speedball was invented. Like, somebody went, this coke is fine, but if we mixed a little heroin or some speed in with it, I think it would be even better. So basically, her going down the zip line is like her just doing Bolivian shale and getting bored.

[Gina Grad]

See, it's so interesting. I was always into really high risk emotional situations. Oh, he's not into me at all. I definitely want to try to date him.

[Adam Carolla]

Dating white supremacists and things like that.

[Gina Grad]

Things like that. That was by mistake, I'll have everyone know. But I never have enjoyed the feeling of pain, like, from me running into a wall or whatever could happen on a zip line. Like, I'm not a daredevil in a physical sense.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think people enjoy. I don't think anyone really enjoy the sensation of pain. But knowing that it's prevalent and around you and that you avoided it is a rush for a lot of people. And I was just. I was thinking about just how casual we are just the other day with you ever do that move where you're talking to someone or something, you're not paying attention, and you go, like to step off the curb and your friend kind of puts his hand and goes, whoa, bus coming. And you go, ho. And a bus just goes buzzing by, and you just go, oh, man, I'm a step in front of that thing anyway, where's the Quiznos? And you're like, wow, it's that you're over it that fast because you literally would have been dead or, you know, paralyzed from the waist down or whatever. You went from that to zero. Like. Like that. You went from could have been literally just paralyzed or killed to I don't know if I want the turkey meld or I'm gonna Go with the. With mako roast beef.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It's so unfazed by it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It's weird, but I have the thrill seeker gene in that I like doing things that could potentially end in danger or pain, even though I don't want them to. And if it does happen, I don't feel good about it. And I think my daughter has the same thing, which is. She squeals like a stuck pig. She kicked. I built myself a platform to skip rope on in the bedroom because I want to watch TV and skip rope, and I have a slab and carpeting on it, and it's no good for skipping rope. So I built what they build in the old time boxing gyms. They have a sheet of plywood on two by fours, a frame of two by fours, and you just bounce in the middle of it. It works great with the rope and you get the bounce off it. But when the daughter kicks the side of it with her little toe squeals,

[Gina Grad]

well, that's like the highest pain a human can feel.

[Adam Carolla]

That is the highest. That is.

[Gina Grad]

That is up there with childbirth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. But that. That is. That is her thing. She wants to dance along that line. Then she'll. She'll cry like a baby when it happens, but she wants to be near. My son wants nothing to do with any of that. He doesn't want to get near that zip line, the tire swing, any of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you have to traverse the platform to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? Because that would be a hell of an obstacle course if he had to, like, go over that platform in the dark.

[Adam Carolla]

I have kicked the platform mostly with a nice buzz, a nice Mangria buzz on the way into bed. It's only about 4 inches tall. It's close to the ground, but it's the same color as the carpet and easy to kick at night. Yes, I've gotten tangled up with that and the jump rope as well. Getting off the bed.

[Gina Grad]

Do you ever do that thing in the middle of the night where it's dark and you're walking in the bathroom, walking back from the bathroom, and you think that you almost kicked something, so you go, oh. You flinch, and then you realize there was nothing there, and then you feel like you're crazy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I do that. I do that with the shadows. I do it with bugs. I do it with all sorts of things. Yes. And the bathroom as well. And you don't know this because you guys have the luxury of sitting down when you make the pee. But for the guys, if we don't want to turn the light on because that's quite a commitment at 4:30 in the morning. We go. It's an audible thing for us. And we'll do that move. There's a move, by the way. Like there's a stance. There's a, fuck it, I'm in someone else's airport, sort of casual stance, which

[Brian Bishop]

is, look opposite side of the room.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If half of this hits the fucking toilet, so be it.

[Gina Grad]

I think I used the bathroom after someone had that attitude, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Where you're literally like weight shifted to one hip, you know, pinky on the bottom of the cock, just going general direction of the toilet. And then there's. I'm at home, this is my house. And I'll have to clean up around it if. And that involves a wider stance. That's like a good linebacker stance. Like knees bent, you know, back up, you know, just get down, get into that stance. Balls of the feet.

[Brian Bishop]

If you have the midnight pee erection, you gotta like lean forward.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, right, right. You have to kind of. And then there's the. Then you go by sound. And so that's the sound of hitting. But then you start hearing a whale. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

[Gina Grad]

Sonar.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how. That's how you communicate with my young. That's how the pod knows I'm near. But you then do the sound where you're hitting the water, but then all of a sudden it shifts to nothing. And then it sounds like something's hitting a magazine or potpourri and you're like. And then you overcompensate. Now you got to pick a direction. You go that. Now you start moving. You start hearing porcelain tile and you start going further. Then you hear wicker.

[Brian Bishop]

You hear a bell.

[Adam Carolla]

You hear a bell.

[Brian Bishop]

Possibly a window.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And then you start heading back the other way. And maybe you'll catch a little bloom as you're going back. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you do an exploratory burst at first to sort of establish where you are?

[Adam Carolla]

You talk about a tracer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Phosphate round. Yeah, I'll fire one of those just to line up my. Yeah, just to get my sight calibrated. Yeah, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Have you ever sneezed while peeing? And what does that do to your stream? Because I have talked before about. And you don't know this because you don't sit down to pee, but sitting down, it's a long day. Just being like, I'm just gonna lean back. And then all Of a sudden, like, oh, shit. Cause your pee just arcs over the toilet and pools in your underwear and your feet. Well, I try not. I mean, that happens to me like once or twice a year. But the other day I was going to the bathroom, I had to go really bad and I sneezed and that caused the arcing. Never again will I sneeze on the toilet.

[Adam Carolla]

I have sat impede quite a bit recently because as we were discussing in Chicago a few days ago, if you're listening to the podcast, I had this thing where I have my bowels on a clock, as I always discuss, and I got my clock thrown off and I got up at 6 to get on a plane to go to Detroit. And I was drinking a cup of coffee. I didn't want to shit up the plane and I didn't want to shit up the liquor barn once we got to Detroit. And I was not going to be a good opportunity. So I did the move where I sat down on the toilet.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, hopeful.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I did the let's go. And then I started peeing and I said, you know, see anus, the cock's down with this plan. And my, you know, the urethra and the cock were like, come on, water's fine. Come on in. Come on in.

[Gina Grad]

Peer pressure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Come on down. It's awesome down here. Come on down, asshole. And asshole just arms folded. No can do. I'm gonna wait till about 9:30 and you're gonna shit on a 7:30. Seven.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I have experienced the sit down still. By the way, fellas, I. I hope you're with me on this one. When I sit down, I wipe. There's no such thing as a sit down without a wipe, which is. This was an attempt at a shit. This was a shit. This was an aborted attempt. But there's still going to be a wipe because there's no telling.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, right. In case something eked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the punxsutani bill. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

If there's six more weeks of winter.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Right. It's it. That's a play it safe wipe. Which. Which is, you know, I sat down to shit. It was a dry run, but I'm fucking wiping nonetheless.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's like if you. If you popped out to the pitcher, you'd still run it out, even though

[Adam Carolla]

you're like, yeah, yeah, you lay it out. That's right. It. No. What? Yes. It definitely falls under the heading of how could it hurt? You know what I mean? There's a possible downside Here. Incredible downside with a. How could this hurt this. This dry wipe here, by the way, I don't know if this makes me a hero, but I. And I don't throw that term around loosely, but just backstage before the show, went to use the bathroom, sat down to make a little number two, noticed that there was some toilet paper that had been pre pulled and then rolled and then shoved back it wedged back into the top of the roll.

[Gina Grad]

Used it. Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Did you. Did you use it in its rolled form or did you unroll it and crumple or whatever you do?

[Adam Carolla]

I kept it in the basic shape that it was. I didn't send it out to the lab. I didn't have it dusted for fecal matter. I did the math. Some guy was perched upon this throne just a couple of days or minutes earlier and pulled out more than his asshole could handle. He bit more than he could chew. And then he rolled it up, being thoughtful, and he shoved it back in there. And I did what any hero would do. I used it. I didn't waste it.

[Gina Grad]

It's good. Yes, congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

I am. I'm very brown that way. I like that. I'm brown.

[Caller]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably the worst segue in the world. Sherry's Berries. Oh, Valentine's Day. Just around the corner, everybody. You want to send her beautiful giant dipped strawberry Starting at only 19.99. 40% savings, by the way, you can go double the berries for just 10 bucks more. Use the code ACE. That's my name. Dipped in white chocolate and milk and dark chocolate, chocolate chips, decorative swizzles and nuts and everything else stuck to it. Unbelievable. I always say if you ever see these things, it's why the terrorists hate us. 1999. Or double the berries for just 10 bucks more. Visit Berries B E R R I E s dot com. Click on the microphone, top right corner and type in Ace. Sherry's Berries. All right, baby girl, let's do one more. What do you got there?

[Gina Grad]

All right. Well, speaking of keeping the world green, or brown, as it were, the former president of Trader Joe's is starting a new kind of supermarket. It's called the Daily Table. It's due to open in May. It's part grocery store, part cafe. But the thing is, it will only sell food that has crept past its sell by date.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh.

[Gina Grad]

Meaning the food is unsellable in other conventional supermarkets.

[Adam Carolla]

Sloppy Seconds.

[Gina Grad]

That's a better name.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a much better name for this place.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted to name my late night show Sloppy Seconds. Comedy Central wouldn't go for it. I said, that's a great name for a late night show.

[Gina Grad]

Why would Comedy Central not go for it?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Like, it's. It's like, you know, it's always like, too late or late enough or far too late or late late. You know, late, late, late. But it's. It's really just the second show that's not, you know, ready. It's not the Jon Stewart show. It's sloppy seconds.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm down with that, because I'm not. I eat everything that's passive. Its expiration date.

[Gina Grad]

Well, we. We've talked about that on the show. The expiration dates are for the retailers and people to know. I think the freshness. But it's not like it's unsafe to eat it past that point there. The food lasts a lot longer than the date.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, you can tell when. Aaron, here's how you can tell when fucking anything has expired. No, no, that's bad. Bad. Everything bad. Everything. It works on body parts. It works on yogurt. It works on everything. You give it a sniff. If it smells bad, don't eat it. Or you do that move. I do. Like, they didn't. Silence of the Lambs. When they do the autopsy, put a little vapor rub under the nose. Ladies appreciate the tingle. Most don't take much offense to it. They understand it's part of the job. No job if it. Look, whether it's lunch meat or what, milk or whatever, give it a sniff. If it smells funky to can't eat. If it smells fine, it's good. There's really. You can't.

[Caller]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

You tell me. Tell me the. The substance that you would ingest outside of pharmaceuticals and even those I'll eat too, if they're. If they're too old. But you tell me what in your fridge would smell okay but make you sick. Oh, you got to smell it before you buy it. Yeah. All right. But nothing, right?

[Gina Grad]

I can't think of anything of anything in your kitchen that would. Well, I mean, people are so afraid of raw chicken and raw eggs and all that, but those don't smell bad. But I also don't know that they really get you sick that often.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything smells shitty when it goes. We all know what it is. Fuck the man.

[Gina Grad]

Do you do the thing that I do if I really need coffee and the milk is a little bit questionable? I'll smell it and I'll be like, I don't know. And then I'll taste it Anyway, and then I'll use it.

[Adam Carolla]

I will smell it.

[Gina Grad]

I'll hope I don't get.

[Adam Carolla]

I will smell it and I will dump it. And then when you dump it, if it breaks off into like miniature icebergs and starts floating around.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's when you know it's trouble. When it, when it, when it breaks off and it becomes like no longer a liquid spreads out. Yeah. You want it to blend in. When it does that weird slick on top. That mucusy slick. That's bad. Still end up drinking it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. This is a little added texture.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So he's going to start a store like they have. Did they have them out here? I don't know. The. They used to. The Hostess thrift shop. They would have the Hostess thrift shop. You guys ever passed one of these? They're in all the best neighborhoods.

[Gina Grad]

I've seen pictures of one of them. Lynch's family used to shop.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I've sped past a couple.

[Adam Carolla]

The Hostess. First off, when. What does it take for a Twinkie to expire? Like when does a Twinkie go bad?

[Gina Grad]

It doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I have no fogging idea. They have. I couldn't have. Could you imagine what. Where is a more depressing place to work? The 99 cent store. Or they host this thrift shop. I mean imagine a fucking clientele that's coming in there just arguing over a Chocodile or snowball. But anyway. Yes. That is if the 711 chocodile at $0.89 is a little rich for your blood and a little fresh for your blood. You can make the pilgrimage to the wrong side of town, save 12 cents and eat one that's gone south. Yes. So this whole store will be nothing.

[Gina Grad]

Nothing but food that's passed its sell by date.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. I. Because I'm that way. That's like. That's like when the chefs take the food that doesn't sell and give it to the hobos. That's a weird thing about the hobo diet. You're either getting crazy Rocco Spacio over there. Yeah. Like you're getting some really cool high end Manhattan shit or you're eating dog food with your fingers out of a can. It's not like a much of an in between.

[Gina Grad]

I love that Rocco DiSpirito is your go to high end chef.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, he's easy on the eyes and also the palate as well. So that's. Look, anything this guy Trader Joe's does is. Is going to work because the guy's A fucking genius. They have those out here? Yeah. It's just like everything except for I went in there. It's a California thing now. I went in there and I didn't bring my gunny sack with me. And then they charged me for the fucking bag.

[Brian Bishop]

No plastic either.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no plastic. And they charge you for the fucking bag, which is like. I don't know. I sort of just wish there's some sort of chicken shitty about it. Like, I wish. Just make everything in the store a half cent more. And let's get past the part where you have to go. Did you bring your own pillowcase to put this in?

[Gina Grad]

Or put tiny handles on every item of food, like a little.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

Handles on the tomato.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And all you'd have to do is use your belt.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Drop it out like you went fishing. And you just sling it over your shoulder on a broom and you have it all. You to have. Have, like, a charm bracelet of food. And then you'd walk outside and be attacked by seagulls. That's where my grandfather went.

[Gina Grad]

So sad. Yes, that's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yes. Pro flowers. Did I tell you guys Valentine's Day is around the corner? I get so angry at these people, these proflower people. What was. Remember when you cared? Remember that, fellas? And a dozen roses. Like $110, $120. When I was making $9 an hour, a dozen roses was like 110 bucks. Now. Pro flowers. A dozen roses, 1999. That's insane.

[Gina Grad]

I can't afford not to get them.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't. Yes. What she said. With these now and a free glass vase. And you can double them and add another vase for $9.99 more. It's quick. It's easy. They deliver. They guarantee to deliver on Valentine's Day. I can't use this, by the way, because they're a sponsor, and thus it doesn't count. Yeah, no, no. Listen, I know how you ladies work. You want to see us dance? Sweat, old man. Sweat for me.

[Gina Grad]

You can't.

[Brian Bishop]

You could use it. But you're going to pay the price.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't. But the point is, is they're a sponsor. They would hook me up. I don't know if you even need a deal at 1999. But the point is, Lynette would know that somebody handed me this, and thus it would not count. Which lets us know as men, you really don't like anything other than us being miserable because you don't like flowers inherently. You just like us being miserable getting flowers and wasting money on flowers. You don't like jewelry inherently. You just hate the fact that for the price of a good used pickup truck, you get a charm bracelet. I mean, that drives us insane.

[Gina Grad]

I didn't realize that being thoughtful made you miserable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's what it is. Now back to Valentine's, my favorite holiday of the year. Proflowers. Everybody go to proflowers.com. click on the blue microphone in the top right hand corner. Type in Ace. That's proflowers.com. click in the microphone or click on the microphone and type in ace. Order now. The deal shall expire soon. I want to thank you guys so much for coming out and braving the weather, which is warm for you and cold for us. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Allison Rosen and bald Brian saying mahalo.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, this is Adam Carolla Show 1254.

[Adam Carolla]

All the episodes this weekend required some sound adjustment, so I was finally able to go back and fix some of these live shows and make them far more listenable than the original game. You're welcome.

[Brian Bishop]

Come next, we have adam Koller Show 1934. This one features Russell Peters, Gina Grant, and Brian Bishop.

[Adam Carolla]

At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Russell Peters]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. Truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100, and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV stream now. Pay never. Oh, Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to O'Reilly. And they got all the stuff there. Mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer. But my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free, and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right? Dawson stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam. Good day, Gina Grad.

[Allison Rosen]

Good day to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Handball. Brian dude, are you gay?

[Brian Bishop]

It's in relation to a conversation we had before the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Russell Peters is coming in here. He's probably, geez, you know, it's always fun.

[Brian Bishop]

Has he been on the podcast?

[Adam Carolla]

He's on the radio show.

[Brian Bishop]

He's definitely been on the live show at Hollywood Improv.

[Adam Carolla]

He's been up and in here before. But yeah, one of the biggest comedic draws that may not be a household

[Brian Bishop]

name consistently in the top 10 earners, you know, stand up comics every day. He has a great line that he compares himself to soccer. Everyone else in the world cares but Americans.

[Adam Carolla]

So he'll be in. We'll talk about his Netflix special, which I watch and enjoyed quite a bit and I'll tell him to his face when he walks in here. Also, we'll do a Baldiwood. We'll also do some of your phone calls. Let's see. Well, it's been, we've kicked it back long enough. Why don't we go right into the Baldiwood and then I'll get into my stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Avocado. Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spin bucks, we remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for bald award.

[Brian Bishop]

So thanks to five week old Tessa, I'm not getting out to see as many movies in theaters especially anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

She's the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

She's the worst.

[Brian Bishop]

She's really impacting.

[Adam Carolla]

Get rid of her now. It's gonna get worse.

[Brian Bishop]

The silver lining though is that this is a bit of a dead period right now for movies. I think I don't have a ton of interest in seeing a movie about killer accountants. Maybe you do, but I don't. So I'm catching up on my Netflix movies and came across one that I saw a couple of days ago. It's really good. I want to recommend it to everyone. It's called man versus Snake. Man versus Snake. Man versus Snake is the. Is a. The story of Nibbler, which was a arcade game back in the 80s. It was not very. It was kind of an obscure game. Actually, one of the early, you know, talking heads in the movies. Like, what the f is Nibbler? Like, it's not really well known, but it was notable because it was the first. At the only. At the time.

[Adam Carolla]

I know the guy. Richard invented the game.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, named after himself. Yeah. I mean, you know, this is

[Adam Carolla]

a good. I went to high school with his brother.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What was he.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Ted.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard and Ted.

[Brian Bishop]

That's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

The family call him Dick Nibbler. Well, they just call him Dick. They wouldn't use his last name.

[Brian Bishop]

That makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, Nibbler's the game. Go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

Should have gone by Richard, probably. I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he looked at his driver's license.

[Brian Bishop]

I wouldn't say Dick.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think anyone's. I think they all say.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they gotta say the full name, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, to his friends, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

To us, he was Nibbler.

[Allison Rosen]

And behind his back, well, he made

[Brian Bishop]

a great game called Nibbler. And Nibbler was a. Nibbler was notable for the reason it was the only game at the time you could score a billion points. Every game topped out at a million. Pac man, these marathon gamers would play it in the arcade overnight for days, and they tried to get a million points. For Nibbler, you can get a billion points. And this is the story of gamers, video gamers back in the 80s. Like, actually accomplishing the billion point threshold. That was like a big deal for these nerds.

[Adam Carolla]

That's billion with an M, Pete.

[Brian Bishop]

That's exactly right. The unfortunately named Tim McVay is the main star.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a star, the one we're familiar with.

[Brian Bishop]

He is the lesser known of the McVeigh Timothys. He's an epic nerd. He is a super nerd, and he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you like to walk around being named Tim McVeigh or Dick Nibbler?

[Allison Rosen]

Dick Nibbler.

[Brian Bishop]

Dick Nibbler.

[Adam Carolla]

I go with Tim McVeigh.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

People want you dead. No, no, but people know you're dead. Like, McVeigh is. Is a. Is a fairly. Is a common name, and so is Tim. And although it conjures that thought, nobody thinks.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody thinks you're a bomber.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing. There's no connection. Yeah, I don't. I don't think there's just a kind of a poor you. It's Kind of like, oh, oh, damn, what's his name? Oh, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

This report.

[Adam Carolla]

Bollywood over here. Oh, Harry Connick Jr. S birthday's on 9, 11.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't really blame him. Fully sure. For the incident.

[Brian Bishop]

Tingly responsible, obviously. Some culpability.

[Adam Carolla]

Some culpability. But I don't. It was like. I wouldn't hold it against it.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? I feel that way with Tim McVeigh. Whereas Dick Nibbler's just always got to get people. They got a giggle everywhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Dick Nibbler's here.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

But Anyway, so Tim McVeigh, as a teenager back in the 80s, he set the record. He was the only guy to ever get a billion points. Or was he? Now? If you think about it, this is a lot like King of Kong. We've all seen King of Kong. King Kong is a great movie, and this is a very good movie. And there's a lot of the same. Billy Mitchell makes an appearance where Billy Mitchell, the bad guy with the beard and the long hair. There's no Steve Wiebe, sadly, but Tim McVay takes the Steve Wiebe part. And he is a epic, beautiful nerd. He bikes to work. He works like a factory, but he loves playing video games. And he hung up his spikes. You know what I mean? But he wants to get back into it. He wants to break his own record for a billion points. Put it out of reach. Now, here's a clip of. And the movie really cleverly uses animation because obviously there's not a lot of footage of back in the 80s, these guys playing video games and breaking the record. So cleverly uses animation to do a lot of the flashback stuff. Here's a clip. Here's a clip of when Tim McVeigh broke the record back in the 80s as a teenager.

[Adam Carolla]

About a half hour to get there. I think I had under 10 lives left. I said, I can't believe I'm gonna get this close, and I'm not gonna get it. Timmy, you don't have to make it to a billion to make it to the end of this board. And so it was a quest simply to get to the next board, never minding the score. And I remember specifically telling him, if you get it, then it's all over. If you don't get it, it's just like before you started and everything is for nothing. Come on, one more board. Don't die. Not now, not now. I don't want to do this again. Just come on. You gotta get it now, now.

[Brian Bishop]

So that's. That's Tim McVay.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

He's just. He's the picture of the guy. You imagine doing marathon sessions that these take 40 hours or more to accomplish. I mean, he's. The game was notable because you get a billion points, but also you could build up lives, you know what I mean? So you can take a break and go to the bathroom or have a snack because you'd lose lives when you build them back up again. So it's a marathon session of like 40 hour video gaming, which isn't really interesting in and of itself, but the characters are so spectacular.

[Allison Rosen]

And he had a nerd guardian angel.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you mean?

[Allison Rosen]

That guy Billy Mitchell whispered in his ear.

[Brian Bishop]

Billy Mitchell. He plays a role. He's very. He's from King Kong. He's the bad guy, quote unquote from King Kong. So as a teenager, he did beat the billion dollar, billion point mark. And he actually won a copy of the arcade game. Like he put it in his house. He's like, I don't know what to do with this. So he sold it to an arcade for 50 tokens.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

So we're not dealing with the most savvy person. He's in Autumn Iowa. He coincidentally lives down the street from Twin Galaxies Arcade, that super famous arcade where, you know, the original King Kong was set and all that stuff. So a lot of the same overlapping concentric circles, you know, where same characters

[Adam Carolla]

and it's on Netflix.

[Brian Bishop]

It's on Netflix. It is streaming. I liked it.

[Allison Rosen]

What state of mind should you be in to most enjoy it?

[Adam Carolla]

High.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, high would help. But it's a fun movie. I think they're nerds that know you're laughing along with them because they're going to conventions and they're like staging these epic competitions, international competitions. It's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so on Netflix as we speak. And speaking of documentaries, you can go to chassis C H A S S-Y.com youm can pre order mine as well. The 24 hour war. So let's watch some docs. I just got done watching the two part Woody Allen documentary. So I love that you caught a

[Brian Bishop]

glimpse of Tim McVay in that. He's closer to £400 than he is to three. He's a big gigantic man. And at one point he does compare himself. He makes a comparison between him and great athletes like Michael Jordan. He's like, now I know what those guys go through.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that.

[Brian Bishop]

But not braggadociously. Just like, oh, now I understand. Lonely at the top He's a sweet, genuine man. These are all people you want to root for genuine.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a character trait that we don't talk about enough anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he's earnest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I think especially when you see what's going on with politics and everything else, I'll take genuine. Flawed rather than disingenuous. Squeaky clean.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't mind, you know. Well, there used to be like Marshalls used to be a place you'd go and you'd buy shirts, but like, instead of buying, the Izod, alligator would have the tail cut off or something like that. Some modifications, like it was an Izod shirt, but if they screwed up at the factory a little bit and Marshalls would sell the stuff. Like, I don't mind the dishwasher with the dent the side of it. That's who these guys are.

[Brian Bishop]

So man vs Snake on Netflix streaming. If you like King Kong, you'll like this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooray for bounty war. All right, all right. Questions up there? Let's see. Let's talk to Chris, 31 from New York. Chris.

[Caller]

Ace, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on. What's going on, man?

[Caller]

Not much question for you. Bald or Gina. You seem like the kind of guy that's had some possibly funnier off color Halloween costumes in the past, so I wanted to know if there are any funny ones that you remember.

[Adam Carolla]

One that it just struck. It just leapt to mind. I don't know why it made me laugh so hard at the time, and it's not even insanely clever, but I was probably in my mid-20s and there was a guy pretty lavishly dressed and his costume was porn director. He directed porn. He didn't act in the porn. He didn't write porn. He wasn't. He wasn't involved with the porn stars in any way other than he directed the porn, which I just like the idea of behind the scenes porn as a costume.

[Allison Rosen]

Was there any way to guess his costume or he had to tell you. Did he have a megaphone?

[Adam Carolla]

He looked a little pimpy. And he may have. He may have said, it's, you know, it's double penetration, but I want you to have fun with it. But for some reason, porn director always made me laugh.

[Russell Peters]

That's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why that he would think of that, but I'm going with porn director.

[Allison Rosen]

I like that, Chris.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's great. What about balder Gina?

[Russell Peters]

Any funny ones?

[Allison Rosen]

I actually have. I have one right here. It's one of my favorite pictures, so I keep it on my phone. I have 18,000 pictures on my phone. One year I went as a sexy IKEA bag.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I think I've seen.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah, I think I've showed you this where I.

[Brian Bishop]

Same answer for me, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Out of the bag and wore miss Suspenders.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

I walked around all night like. Like a bag. Yeah, I was pretty excited about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like they're sail on tits.

[Caller]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

USC did me a favor the last couple years. Two years ago, they fired Lane Kiffin just before Halloween. So I went as Lane Kiffin for Halloween. All my USC friends got a kick out of it. And then last year, they fired Steve Sarkisian just before Halloween. I went to Steve Sarkisian just for all my friends.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you still learn?

[Brian Bishop]

I actually typed up for Lane Kiffin. I just been fired. So I typed up a resume, started handing it out to my friends, and it was full of, you know, eight months as Raiders coach, you know, things like that. And then Sarkisian, I went as a drunk, and I was just falling over.

[Adam Carolla]

Happy Halloween. I got the ultimate. I was just thinking to myself, because cousin Sal's party's coming up this weekend, and I thought, oh, man, I want to go, but I'm so lazy. And the thing about me is Sonny has this exact same wiring, which is. I have all the energy in the world when it comes to putting a car inside of my house, which is a big calorie burner in terms of designing and engineering and building the lift system and things of that nature. And I have weird. You know, I'm gonna tow a car 1300 miles to Austin and just to do a couple laps on a racetrack. I have a lot of energy for that. But when it comes to like a Halloween costume, I have no energy for it. And everything seems like a waste of time. And I now I realize I just have the. I have the ultimate cop out Halloween costume, which is perfect seasonally. It's great. It's easy for me, and it kind of works. I have some great looking, like red with white stripes and patches, stuff all over. Fire suits. Oh, I just get in your underpants and a T shirt. You just pull them right up like coveralls. It's actually when it starts getting a little cold outside, it's kind of nice when you're staying around outside and all you have to do is put your fire suit on and you show up and you look like a race car driver. Even though it's my fire suit and it's a huge cop out to anyone who knows me, I still get some points as actually burning some calories for this Halloween party. Because if this was on a chick or Matt Fondelier, I don't even know why I make the distinction. If this was on Matt Fondelier, then that'd be effort and an outfit.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, and this is an authentic fire suit.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I get more points.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I show you one of my other favorite costumes? You guys don't keep these pictures on your phones?

[Brian Bishop]

They're not readily accessible.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's weird. So one year I went as Hana Solo.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, I have that picture on

[Allison Rosen]

my phone in a full Han Solo. You have my picture with a Chewbacca next to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus, where'd you get the Chewbacca?

[Allison Rosen]

It was Photoshopped, but I was really excited about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wait, you took a picture of you and then you added Chewbacca later on?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I did go as Hana Solo to the party, but then my boyfriend at the time is a photographer, and.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he added this. Wow. Jesus Christ. I'd never do that for anybody. But now.

[Brian Bishop]

But nowadays, out of my Imagine for

[Adam Carolla]

a keeper, by the way, I don't know why you're saying at the time. Yeah, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

For me, and I assume for you, the last few years, it's more about the kids, right? It's more about getting the kids dressed up and the costume they. Well, imagine when Tess is, you know, five, being six weeks old. It's all making her look cute. I don't give a damn what I

[Allison Rosen]

look like, because it's Christy. She's gonna make her a cookie, isn't she?

[Brian Bishop]

You'll be not surprised when you see what it is.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Natalia. One is a muffin or something. I mean, she actually. I mean, it's kind of both. It's kind of like, on one hand, I hate that thing where you just go to Amazon, you spend $74 and buy an outfit and it shows up at your door. It's like. It's kind of weird. I mean, there's certain little Rites of Passages as a child, and no one wants to go onto Amazon and swipe a credit card and have a box show up at the door. So Natalia. So she ended up making her own outfit.

[Allison Rosen]

Cool.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta picture me, Natalia and Lynette announcing that they're making it. Now, they're not just gonna buy it at Amazon. It's not about the 70 bucks. It's just kind of about the spirit of the whole thing. And then, of course, later, On I walk through the living room to see Olga sitting over the sewing machine, sewing the muffin material or cutting out a. I think it was a hamper. And using it as a guide or whatever it is. It was like Natalia sat there for part of it. It was a hollow victory, but a victory.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. She was around. She was within the vicinity of the work being done.

[Allison Rosen]

She was being done.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so that was a good thing. Hey, Chris.

[Caller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you going as this year?

[Caller]

Well, now that you just made me feel bad about the whole going on Amazon and buying one, that's kind of what I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on. If you're trying to get laid.

[Caller]

No, definitely married. And that's the opposite of what?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, but. No. This is a rite of passage for children. As adults, you're busy, you're working, you don't care. This is as a kid. It's you spending somebody else's money and having something drop the off at your door. We're looking at a picture. Me as Mr. T. What? And Ray as a Hare Krishna.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're seeing some pretty sweet Cruella Halloween costumes.

[Allison Rosen]

You were a porn director. Look at you.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. We'll put them [e-mail].

[Brian Bishop]

these pictures illustrate, though, a good point, which is, there you go. Which is there's a sweet spot in maybe your early to mid, maybe even later twenties where. Oh, no. You gotta. As an adult, you kind of want to turn out for Halloween.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a prime party time.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. All my girlfriends. One year, we went as sugar replacement packages. I was Splenda. Thank you. I said, tastes like sugar because I'm made from sugar with a trash bag.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a lot of. A lot of cleavage, a lot of fishnet stockings, a lot of excuse to hoard up and a lot of booze and a lot of. You know, that pond has been stocked.

[Allison Rosen]

Everybody wins.

[Adam Carolla]

Normally you go to the bar and it's like nobody there. You go, the party, a couple married couples floating around that sweet spot of like 18 to 27 is a good single dude. Go out trolling Mardi Gras, comes to you. That's right. That's right.

[Caller]

I tend to usually make my own. I did document from Back to the Future last year.

[Adam Carolla]

You're old enough, you're married, you work, you're busy. Buy your own outfit. That's fine. No judgment. No judgment here. No judgment.

[Caller]

Yeah, it's a full size hot dog costume. Okay, I'm going with the humor angle.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty good. Not judging. Not judging. I Will tell you after this, though, about something we were talking about. I think Brian and I were talking about up on stage, and maybe we're in Boston. We were just getting into this topic.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what the topic is.

[Adam Carolla]

Halloween.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, perhaps something.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like Gina wasn't there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, because it was the clown discussion, I think, in Connecticut, possibly.

[Allison Rosen]

What did I miss?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you in a second. Castrol Edge. Ah, man. We're going to sema. That's next week. And I'm going to sema. Then we're going to Dallas, then we're going to Austin. Then I'm leaving Austin and going to New York.

[Brian Bishop]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Just dream last night that Alec Baldwin just called me and went, it's off. Like, no match game for you. It's a weird. I don't know why. And then I woke up, and it took a while for me to go, wait a minute. Did I have that conversation? Or I get uninvited. He invited me, and then I get uninvited. By the way, if anyone wants to know my dreams, those are my dreams.

[Allison Rosen]

You're not flying through a poppy field on a unicorn.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it just. He wasn't being insulting or anything. He was just going, it's just not gonna happen anymore. But I still like you.

[Brian Bishop]

It was like he was a good fella. That's that. There's nothing we can do about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. That'll be so. And then I'm going to interview Baldwin, and that'll be up for fans. And that'll be Tuesday morning. Yeah. Reelection night. Is that what it's called?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you're flying back.

[Brian Bishop]

That's for election day. And then you're flying back. And on election night, we're gonna do a live podcast. We're gonna stream to Facebook that time has changed. I previously told everyone 6. It's gonna be a lot closer to 8 or 8.

[Adam Carolla]

15 coffees for closers only. Yeah. We're having trouble getting a flight out of there. And also. But we'll have more news the later we get in the day, so that's a. That's a good thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I sleep here for work tomorrow? The next day?

[Adam Carolla]

God, yeah. That day. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We'll make it quick. Coffee's for closers only. Castrol Edge. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Sema. That's right. So I'm going out there. I'm doing a car cast from SEMA. That's a Wednesday, November 2nd, and we're doing a live car cast episode. So come on out, hang out with us. We enjoy it. We take pictures, everyone's cool. And we'll do that from the Castrol booth. Castrol Edge. Made with liquid titanium technology. 3 times stronger. 3 times.

[Gina Grad]

3 times, fool.

[Adam Carolla]

3 times stronger against viscosity breakdown than leading full synthetic. So that's Castrol. That's Castrol Edge. And come out to SEMA if you're going to be out there. There's millions of people out there. November 2, 10:00am we'll be hanging around at the Castrol booth. Come say hell. We'll do a live show there. All right. Oh. So the story that. I don't know if Gina heard, but we were up on stage. But I did go as Mr. T, blackface, shaved head and all. But my buddy Ray, and you really have to understand this, I cannot convey to you what hair meant back in the day now. And I'm very jealous. You should be jealous. I'll tell you why. Anybody from Ball Bryan to Michael Jordan to all these guys, that represents the swath of humanity.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the spectrum.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll give you a great example. A great example. Gary, who is. And there's these guys. Like, this guy's been the number one surfer in the world for the last 15 years. Kelly Slater. He's a surfer dude, gets a ton of pussy, has the buzzed head that would not fly in the 70s. No surfer dude with a bald head, it wouldn't work. He needed the long blonde locks. And then you get laid. Well, he gets laid. There would be no Jason Statham. Statham would look like Bozo the clown in the 70s because he'd have the bald up front, but he'd still have to have long hair like David Crosby. Like you. I. If you were a dude and you were cool and it was 70s, you had long hair. Now, if you had male pattern baldness, you'd either have to comb it over or pull it into a ponytail or do whatever you had to do with it, but you'd have to do something with it.

[Brian Bishop]

I've done a weird amount of thinking about this, probably too much. And you guys, we maybe can revisit this after you've had a chance to think about it. But I thought about who's on the bald Mount Rushmore, who's on like the Heroes to bald men. And Statham is up there because he was. There was like, Telly Tavalis and, like, badasses before, but he was the first ass kicker. He was the first guy with like, I'm bald and I'll beat your Ass

[Adam Carolla]

hair was a big deal. And it's like Michael Jordan's up. There were a lot of movies about getting punished. They cut my hair, you know, got movies from the 70s. I will tell you that. Probably one of the biggest deal breakers in terms of enlistment into the US army circa 1976, was getting a buzz cut. Half the movies had that scene where everyone would just be sitting there and they're buzzing it all off and it was falling to the ground. It's like, oh, no.

[Allison Rosen]

That was a big joke in Police Academy, wasn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

It was just a little off the side.

[Allison Rosen]

We don't have to do that.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't have to get that.

[Adam Carolla]

You were weird. So you were a weirdo. If you had either short, cropped, buzzed, you were either ROTC or some sort of military, or your dad was in the military and you were being punished. He caught you with pot, whatever it is. Ray had long blonde, dirty blonde hair. Like, long, flowing blonde hair. And that was his look. And when he walked in, circa 1983, into our buddy Snake's apartment, he just walked in. And Snake had his wall trimmer out, by the way. It was one of those things where it's like, we didn't know anyone rich enough to own a trimmer. Snake was the guy we knew because his dad had money. He had his own trimmer. He could do his back of his own neck. It's awesome. This is like a. This is a big ticket. Durable, good item. There's no Corolla. Would have a trimmer. Exotic item.

[Brian Bishop]

The gilded trimmer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We didn't have a clothes dryer. Why would we have something as exotic as over three, by the way? Grandparents, mom and dad, all separate houses, no clothes dryer. That's where we were at. So I went in there, and he was buzzing me, and he was giving me this Mr. T look. And I grew my beard, and I didn't shave for, like three or four weeks. I grew my beard out, and he was shav. And Ray just came walking in. He's like, what's up? We're trying to shave my head. We're doing a Halloween costume. And he's like, oh. And he just started thinking, like, well, what could I do for a Halloween costume that involved that wall trimmer? And he's like, I'll go Hare Krishna. And when you see the back of Ray's head, he's got the ponytail, it's hanging out. It's five inches long. That's how long his hair was. His hair was. He just Buzzed the whole thing off. And it was so insane that even though it was Halloween and even though we would show up at parties, people go, ray, you changed religion. And he'd go, no, I'm going to sa Hare. And he'd go, oh, you mean you're not really Hare Krishna?

[Russell Peters]

Like,

[Adam Carolla]

nobody else would shave their head bald because it was the insanest thing to do in 1983 or 84. Even at a Hollywood, even in context of a Halloween party and a context of Ray essentially being a pagan or santerian, they still thought he turned to Hare Krishna because he was. Who would be so crazy to shave their head for two days worth of weekend partying?

[Allison Rosen]

And how long did he leave the little ponytail?

[Adam Carolla]

I remember for me, trying to do some strategy where I. I remember, like, now I gotta shave my head, but what if I just went a little lighter on the Mr. T cut and I left a little something like I was looking for a base.

[Allison Rosen]

You were the first faux hawk.

[Adam Carolla]

I also the thing about high top fade, my hair, my hair was so thick and so dark that in three weeks, when I got just. The peach fuzz grew back, you couldn't see my skull. It was still black. It just came back that. That thick. You do look like monster fat. All right, so you can go to ampgroal.com if you want. Russell's here, so we'll blast you a couple calls and then we'll bring Russell in. Hey, Michael. 52. Austin.

[Caller]

What's up, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Hey, Austin, man, are you going to come see us?

[Caller]

Darn right I'm looking forward to. I actually shot you a picture on Twitter. The beautiful Paramount.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that was you?

[Caller]

That was me.

[Adam Carolla]

Beautiful theater. Are you coming out to the track?

[Caller]

Oh, I'm looking forward to it. I want to make it that the whole deal. I want to make it to Adam Corolla weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

Me too. All right, what's happening?

[Caller]

Well, we spoke last Wednesday about Big Plays Football.

[Brian Bishop]

He's going to make picks based on his model.

[Adam Carolla]

Yo, that's right.

[Caller]

And I was like, well, I don't want to pick this game. You're like, look, dude, just do the last five games of the NFL weekend, the four final ones on Sunday, and then Monday Night Football. Let's see how you do.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Caller]

Memorialized the lines that were there and took pictures of them and sent you what? Tweeted you, Gina, Brian, the show, everyone. Just so that we had a record of it and went three for five on the five that you chose. There you go. 60% against the spread.

[Gina Grad]

I'm not that impressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Zoe, please, That's.

[Brian Bishop]

You did whatever. Zoe Bell or her wallet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's

[Brian Bishop]

over the course of a season. That's amazing. For one week. That's one game up or down, you know, one game difference between up or down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well.

[Caller]

And you'll recall that what I said I want to do is come out and watch the games. You and Sal and son, you're like, whoa, whoa, hang on there, Sparky. Why don't you start by doing a couple of games for us, and then we'll talk after that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I remember saying, why don't you start by dying of old age, and then we can talk about. By the way, the tracks all full up. Michael, I don't know if I. Gary just sent me a text. They've sold out. Oh, yeah. So I'll send you a picture. No. All right, Michael, look, if you told me five and. Oh, or four and one.

[Brian Bishop]

Got my air.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you what. Check back. Let's do this for three weeks if you can. If you can keep the 60% going. Because what Brian said.

[Brian Bishop]

Or better.

[Adam Carolla]

Ryan. Yeah, well, I'm not going to penalize you for running the game. 60%. You're at 80, buddy. No can do. Yeah, Brian brings up a very good point. Yeah, then. Then we can do that, because he's right. And there's five games. You go three. Three for five. But if you lose one of those games, you're two for five, and you're underwater.

[Brian Bishop]

There's four late games. Do the four late games, plus the London game, that's another five. And we'll keep it simple that way.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the memorializing part where you take the tweet, the picture and all that, all that kind of stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

60% over the course of a season is pretty great.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see, line five. Line four. We'll blast through these. Let's see, line five. Chris 28, Ohio.

[Caller]

Hey, what's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, man?

[Caller]

Not much. So earlier this week, I got into a little bit of a Facebook argument, as tends to happen in my life with my liberal friends. So there was a thing about Mary J. Blige, I guess. I don't know if Gina's covered this at all in the news lately, but she's getting divorced, and her husband wants spousal support. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Her husband's her manager. Right, exactly.

[Caller]

So I'm like, you know, hey, good on them. Go get it. You know, because of all the. All the guys out there. That.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Yeah.

[Caller]

So I say, you know, hey, this is what equality is all about, Feminists. So, you know, have at it. And given that I'm being called a misogynist, so I guess my only point is, what the hell am I supposed to do?

[Adam Carolla]

Shut up. I don't know. No, Chris, you know, I'm kind of with you on this. I had a misogynistic thought this morning.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, just one?

[Adam Carolla]

I got up. Well, yeah,

[Allison Rosen]

I don't like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Use them all up before I leave the house. I like to keep a few for the road in case there's an incident. You know what I mean? Yeah. Some bitch could cut me off and I could be an empty. I could be an empty bag of misogyny. What would I do?

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of empty bag, what do you think, Gina?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I always. I think about this and I'm curious. I'm wondering. All the. This whole race, and as it pertains to the election, there's been more feelings infused in this one than ever before. Oh, he's a pig. Or he's this or she's that. Or she's a liar. He's a pig or she's. She's a liar and she's disingenuous. Or she didn't treat. Oh, yeah, she doesn't treat her staff well. Well, he doesn't treat his employees well. You know, it's always a trustworthy feelings, feelings, feelings, feelings, feelings. And it used to be in the background back in the day, it was like, all right, I'm gonna open up these trade routes and I'm gonna beef up the military, and then I'm gonna take the deficit policies. You think about how much conversation we've had in this election cycle. Right or left side of the aisle, whatever camp you're in, whatever news outlet you watch, that has been the deficit versus feelings, please. I can't remember that stuff that doesn't come up. Yeah, I was all feelings. And back in the day, it used to all be deficit with no feelings. And I wonder, women playing a much larger role in our society and getting out to vote and all that kind of stuff, if that shifted the election to more a feeling base because women are more feeling based as far as most women, you know, deficit versus this guy's a pig. You know what I'm saying? In terms of voting, I've never. Look, I don't have male friends that bring up the deficit either, but I've never had a female friend that's been. My wife never said anything about the deficit. It's the more we shift. And by the way, remember, in 50 years we'll all be chicks. The more dudes start turning into chicks, the more everything becomes feeling based. And these elections have been more and more feelings based. And I think they're going to keep going in a feeling space as women get more involved and as guys turn into chicks.

[Brian Bishop]

So, Chris, don't repeat this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't say this, but what you're saying makes so much sense. But I'm wondering for guys like Chris who are sort of digging in their heels and I say good on. I'm not turning into the feelings based kind of dude, is it possible that they're feelings based in their own way, that they're getting angry and kind of pissed off that everything's feelings based? So it's still feelings, but not the same type of feelings.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna tell. Yeah, go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

I was just thinking, the original question of, you know, is there any way not to be considered a misogynist in 2016? It just seems like, yeah, I mean, speak your mind, say your facts, but maybe don't say it with a chip on your shoulder, you know, Chris,

[Adam Carolla]

I would make a separate argument, if that's even possible. What I would do if I were you is you.

[Caller]

I mean, it's the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

You do. What I do. Hold on. You need to diversify. Right now you're just being called a misogynist. You're missing. Yes, that's right. You're missing a golden opportunity to be racist and misogynistic. Well, now, hold on a second with me.

[Brian Bishop]

Start with anti Semitic.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta dream bigger.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the problem. You're turn me around on that, man.

[Caller]

I could never be anti Semitic now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you could be racist. What I mean is, once you can become all these things, people get confused and they can't really hang a. They can't hang a scarlet letter on you because you have the whole Alphabet.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

You're spreading around.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right, so Mary J. Is black, right?

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And her manager ex husband is black.

[Caller]

Uhhuh.

[Adam Carolla]

And you could start working in a racist sort of connotation into that whole thing as well as a misogynistic thing, which then would then confuse a lot of the naysayers.

[Brian Bishop]

Those people do anything not to work. That kind of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, that's good. Something like that. Yeah. Are you black, Chris?

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm your one black fan.

[Adam Carolla]

That's gonna be tough. All right, let me try how this sounds we people do anything. No, no, no, no. Is it us people?

[Brian Bishop]

Is it us or us people?

[Adam Carolla]

Us people. Yeah, but then he's throwing himself under the black bus. Yeah, okay, but. And it's tough because you're black.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what our problem is? Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't sound wild, huh?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you sure it was the same way?

[Caller]

Didn't work out?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Chris, check on this dude. He's a manager. He may have a little Jew in him.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Let's see if we can dig that out.

[Caller]

I'll take a look into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Please do, Chris.

[Brian Bishop]

Good luck.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you for listening.

[Caller]

I feel better. Thanks, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I will say when you. Especially if you've had a few rich friends that have been raked over the coals in terms of the marriage and you have happen to know some of the ins and outs and how bitchy the chick was and how little she did and whatever, you hear these Mary J. Blige stories, or there's a few other versions of this, and you kind of go, good. And just this weird, not good.

[Brian Bishop]

This is rich white guy's version of the O.J.

[Adam Carolla]

verdict. Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

It is like, finally, it worked out for us. Maybe he was guilty, but it worked out.

[Adam Carolla]

I think what it does. I would hope what it does is it. It shines a light on what a bad system it is when people start going. I mean, she's out working, making movies, doing records, doing this acting, whatever the thing is, running a business doing. And then he's home, and now he cheats on her. Or they decide, and now she has to pay him, what, hundreds? He can't get by on $50,000 a month. All right, now we just flip the script.

[Brian Bishop]

That sucks either way, right?

[Adam Carolla]

But when it's a woman, you see it. It's glaring. It's like, Guy can't. Why can't he just get a job and support himself? He doesn't have. You know, it's so glaring. And so if we have enough of these in that direction where it gets glaring, then you'll see it the other direction as well. God willing. All right, let's see. Let's talk real quick to Tim North Hollywood. Tim.

[Caller]

Buenos Dios. Hello, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Tim?

[Caller]

Hey. I can't wait to get married so I can not have a job. That sounds great.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome, man. Yeah.

[Caller]

Adam. Gina, bald. I've had a recent breakthrough in my career. So excited. My mom's so proud of me. I'm one of the top leads for a horror movie called Killjoy, Psycho Circus, and it premieres on the El rey network on October 30th. It would be my life's goal to get Bald Brian to review it. What are the chances? How can I make this dream a reality?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what are the chances this thing doesn't suck? And then what if Bob Brian told everyone how much it sucked?

[Brian Bishop]

Gotta give an honest review. I try. You know, I try to avoid talking about who we don't like, but what if I don't like it?

[Caller]

Let me just say, it's from Full Moon Entertainment, the guys who've done the Puppet Master series. And it's part five in the trilogy,

[Adam Carolla]

so it's gotta be good.

[Brian Bishop]

Do I have to see the first four of the trilogy to understand what's going on in Killer Psycho Circus?

[Caller]

I don't think so. I think you'll hop right along. The trailer's up on YouTube, but it's a damn good ride. And for Halloween, I just think it might be a good fit for you. And it'd make my mom proud. Come on, Bald.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not my genre. You know what I mean? Like, I feel about, like, you know,

[Adam Carolla]

let's step outside of your comfort zone a little.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Maybe like, you, like, you know, bidding on, you know, it's like, you know, muscle cars or something. It's like, yeah, you can get by because, you know cars. That's not your thing, you know, it's not like your sweet spot.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the preface can be.

[Adam Carolla]

For a horror movie, it's like, no, it's not a sweet spot. But I would argue that I don't know what Richard Roeper's sweet spot is, but he reviews whatever docs, and you can enjoy Doc and Transformers, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, what about doc?

[Adam Carolla]

About Transformers that I would watch, especially about that engine problem.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll see how drunk I get. To see Killjoy's Psycho Circus.

[Allison Rosen]

We're gonna bleep out the plug, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Tim. All right, Russell Peters is out there. We'll talk to him. Also, first, a true car. Mmm, pricing info. It's great. What about the actual buying experience? Shouldn't that be great, too? Yeah, it is. Now I got TrueCar. Enjoy a better buying experience with TrueCar. They have certified dealers. It's a faster process. Find the car you [e-mail]. you can also use the app, see what other people paid. Right around the time you're looking right around the neighborhood you're looking in, lock in your price. Apples to apples, Find the same car you're looking for. Find the price, lock it in. No Dealers. No hassling, no haggling. Over 2 million cars have been sold by over 11,000 certified dealers. So get your price, lock in your price, and then go pick up your car. Our own Max Pata did it. Gerrigas brother is a contractor. He did it. TrueCar. Their users save an average of 3279 bucks off of MSRP. It's manufacturer suggested retail price. So buy new, buy used, buy TrueCar truecar.com or download the app. TrueCar, baby. All right, we'll take a quick break here. Russell Peters in studio. Next. Russell Peters in studio. Almost Famous, the name of his Netflix special, Very Funny. I watched it last night and I was impressed on how much improvising.

[Russell Peters]

That's my. That's what I like to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's. I like to do it too, but it's a little chancy for most people who do like a comedy special, Netflix special, or not to do that much improvising.

[Russell Peters]

You know, I actually tie it in. I make it all tie in with the act. So I ask leading questions. That'll get me to where I need to be.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I got it. As a, as a fellow comedian, I could see what you were doing, which is sort of taking people and asking him a question and then having it sort of segue into the joke, into the bit. But it was smart because it's organic. It was better than that. Hey, what else is going on out there? And then you go into the news is crazy. Yeah, yeah. You just. It was funny. He uses people in the audience and there's some improv in there, too, but he also just uses them as a springboard to get into the next, the next bit. So.

[Russell Peters]

And now, see, now I'm. Now that the specials out, I'm back in the clubs and I don't have an act. So I'm literally doing 45 to an hour of just crowd work so I can try and find something.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because once the special is out there, then no more of doing those jokes. Yeah, they're dead at the, at the live show.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, they're like jizz once it hits the air. Just. I guess this was the clean show.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, it's fine. No, that's a saying. When the jizz is going to hit the fan. That's a saying.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a tale as old as time.

[Russell Peters]

It is. It is.

[Adam Carolla]

So by the way, next show's coming up on Friday the 28th. And the San Jose improv, which is a big, beautiful.

[Russell Peters]

Actually Thursday, we got Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. But I Think they're all sold out. Seven or eight of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. It's a lot of improvised.

[Russell Peters]

That's a lot of. Let me tell you something. My brain's gonna be fried by Friday night late show.

[Adam Carolla]

What's on your rider? Because the only reason I asked that is when I went to the San. Sorry. When I played the San Jose Improv. I remember that's the only time we sort of talked to the manager and said, give us some good rider stories. And he said, well, like Eddie Griffin,

[Russell Peters]

the white tennis shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

Needs white tent, brand new white air force ones.

[Allison Rosen]

That's how you know it's real. Cause you already knew what it was, right?

[Adam Carolla]

He needs white tennis, brand new tennis

[Russell Peters]

shoes per show, not per night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, per show. And then he needed a white stretch limousine, not a black limousine. And I think a carton of I don't know what cigarettes. Let's just go with cools and a bunch of stuff. I think Roseanne. It was like Roseanne or Monique or somebody had something other pretty insane. But what do you. What do you have, Russell?

[Russell Peters]

My rider. We just basically took somebody else's rider and said, yeah, that. That looks good. And then whenever I get to the club, I tell them, ignore the rider because it's pretty useless and wasteful.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have any.

[Russell Peters]

It's like a die. No, it's like a fruit plate, fruit platter, and then a cold cuts platter and a cheese platter. I couldn't think of anything, you know, good at the time. And I'm like. And then when I get there and I see it, I go, what is all this crap? Yeah, and then I make. I just tell him, just bring me a bottle of Don Julio Niejo every night and we're good.

[Adam Carolla]

So Almost Famous was shot in your hometown, right?

[Russell Peters]

That is correct. T.toronto, or as they call it now, the six. Which I don't like that. You know, Drake started calling it the six and I. Oh, is he there?

[Adam Carolla]

Is he from there?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, he's from there. So I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a doctor's fan.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. It just sounds like you're bragging about an average sized penis. Hey, ladies, do you want to see the.

[Adam Carolla]

And an average looking woman as well. Yeah, it doesn't really. Number one is good and number 10 is good or 11 and a half,

[Russell Peters]

but that's cause it's 416 area codes. I guess they went with the six. Guess it's better than the four.

[Adam Carolla]

So you grew up out there and in the special, you can see what Russell was doing, what his parents were doing. A lot of talk about that being a break dancer back in the day.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How did that work?

[Russell Peters]

Well, you know, everybody was doing it. You were the same age as me, aren't you, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a little older, but I missed the whole breakdance. I was like, I sort of saw it and I went, well, I could work really hard at this. Probably need a tetanus shot at the end at some point and not make any money. So I'm not gonna put any time into this. It's the same way I felt about education.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, that was the exact same way about education. I was like, something's got to get me out of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, were you? And I know now the difference is culturally, the Corollas didn't care whether I studied or not. But you don't come. I know my dad didn't care if Russell studied. But your parents had to care, didn't they?

[Russell Peters]

No, they gave up. Real early. They gave up. They were just like this. Every report card said, he's bright but fails to apply himself. Which back in the 70s and 80s was just saying, you have addicted, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have add?

[Russell Peters]

Oh, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So you.

[Brian Bishop]

I wrote about this exact same thing in my book. It was undiagnosed ADHD back in there. So his outbursts in class. Probably a lot of outbursts in class.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, not that many, but yeah, they were very disruptive.

[Brian Bishop]

When I was disruptive, yeah, that was

[Russell Peters]

code because I was just like, eh, you're boring me. And you know, I always said the class clown is the idiot making, like, the popular kid making all the loud noises.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Russell Peters]

Comedian. The comedian's the one making fun of the class clown to one person?

[Adam Carolla]

Dammit. I. I used to. I realized, like, a lot of those, the sidebar discussion they'd have on the report card was like, I remember there was a lot of falsifying information. Like, it's like, he's tardy and it disrupts the class. And I'm like, I slide in the back door like a snake and slide. Really, it's like liquid mercury, like, into that thing. Don't even mean disruptive. I don't come in. I'm late again. Everybody, look here. I. I always sit in the back of the class. I would always slide in the back door and I'd always wait for the teacher, like, turn back, don't tell me I'm coming in making noise and disrupting the class.

[Russell Peters]

They just wanted to use tard in your report.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, tardy. Tardesque. So, yeah, I had the same things. Disruptive.

[Russell Peters]

And you had working class parents, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, my mom chose not to. She chose the food stamp route. Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

You share that. That's working class, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, why doesn't somebody else go to class and then work? And then I'll stay home and get some food stamps. But my dad just was like a substitute school teacher or something, which is.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, my dad was a meat inspector.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? I don't know. Gay slang. How does that work? Would that. Well, what would that do then? Would he. Like, when it was pork chop night at the Peter's house, would he get really weird about how was that prepared? Or did you clean the chopping board?

[Russell Peters]

Let me tell you something. We would have, like, food left over for four or five days. And he would just do the sniff test. It's good. Still good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

So this is pre microwave.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Right?

[Russell Peters]

Still good. Still good. So heat it up. It's still good.

[Adam Carolla]

He was cheap, right?

[Russell Peters]

Oh, absolutely. 100%.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, is that a cultural thing?

[Russell Peters]

I think it's a cultural thing. But then when you're cheap on top of not really having that much extra cash lying around, it adds to your cheapness.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. So that your mom did magnifies it. Your mom did what?

[Russell Peters]

She worked in Kmart. In the cafeteria.

[Adam Carolla]

In the cafeteria.

[Russell Peters]

Remember cafeterias in Kmart?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we never had Kmarts out here.

[Russell Peters]

You did. There's one right on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it probably showed up after I got out of high school or something.

[Russell Peters]

They have a Little Caesars in this one. But back in the day, there was, like, a cafeteria. It would sell, like, coffee and hot dogs and burgers and Salisbury steak.

[Adam Carolla]

That's kind of even lower than working at kmart.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. It definitely was lower.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird because it's.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't the cashiers look down upon you?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, because. Yeah. The cashiers would come and eat where you work.

[Allison Rosen]

You serve the employees.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know why, but it's like if you worked at Kmart and you go, where do you work? Electronics department. Like, or automotive, whatever. Okay. But in the cafeteria in Kmart, it's. It's like working in the. The laundry in prison.

[Russell Peters]

Like being a school cafeteria. My mom, which my mom also worked in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's lower than regular cafeteria.

[Russell Peters]

She liked that living.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. It's called the K Cafe. Oh, is that what it's called?

[Russell Peters]

Not then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

That sounds like rebranding to me, I gotta say. Yeah, yeah, it Looked very much like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not. Boy. Boy, I tell ya. It must be a nice condescending conversation. Brian, you work at the K Cafe. Okay, I'll work at the Ikea Cafe.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, the Ikea Cafe has horse meatballs.

[Adam Carolla]

Serving ass on a shingle over there. What do you got?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's pretty bad. We just got a yogurt machine, but that's.

[Adam Carolla]

We have exotic meatballs.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Miniature colored toothpicks in them. When you first walk in, you're almost overtaken by the scent.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

It's more of a siren song of meat that just draws people in, you know, we have people coming in. We have people coming in. I hear this every day. They come in intending on buying an entertainment unit. They just eat and leaf.

[Brian Bishop]

They just come for the meatballs.

[Adam Carolla]

We have other things on the menu.

[Brian Bishop]

Those meatballs must be less than 15% cardboard.

[Adam Carolla]

We have dessert offerings. Oh, yeah. A lot of people come out on date night and just make a night of it. Yeah, they're not interested in shopping for any furniture at all. That's amazing.

[Brian Bishop]

How late is this place open?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how late is it open for you, or how late is it open for some of our better customers? What we call a Platinum club.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta do. You have to apply for this club?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, we. We do serve beer and wine as well. We have a license. Jesus, what do you guys got? Pepsi free and Mr. Pibb over there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, the Mr. Pibb thing is broken, but we do. All the signs are still up. Dispensing.

[Adam Carolla]

Step up to some Shasta.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like that's a dig.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm sure your supervisor needs you to do a sweeping, a mop of the place.

[Brian Bishop]

I am the supervisor.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy, this is sad. Yeah, the IKEA is the only one that has it right.

[Allison Rosen]

Fancy lingonberries and all that.

[Adam Carolla]

They put it right by the front door, too, because you just. You can't walk past it. Nobody too savory.

[Russell Peters]

I think Costco took a page at ikea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but they're smart. They do put the stuff in the back like they do the samples at Costco. They don't put them by the front door.

[Brian Bishop]

You got to go on the tour.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to go on tour. Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

If you're not willing to put in the time, you're not getting the free feta cheese sample.

[Adam Carolla]

And you do feel some obligation, whether it's Trader Joe's or Costco, when you take the taste, to give some sort of audible feedback, even if it's just A sound. I did do that. Even if it's just a sound, you have to make the sound of. I may circle back.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'll hit you up on the. You're going to be here for a while. I'm going to hit you up.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, that's the shrewd move. You're standing there in front of all the miniature quiche. By all means, walk away and then come back 20 minutes later if you're really.

[Russell Peters]

Well, if you like. I always like it. If I like it, then I'm like, somebody take one for my mom, who's not there.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Russell Peters]

She's in Canada, but I'm still taking it. This is for her. It's like pouring a little bit out for your dead homies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You guys don't take what they're offering and do a lap around the grocery store and then put it back somewhere else.

[Russell Peters]

No. Why would you take it in the first place?

[Allison Rosen]

Because I feel ashamed that I didn't.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, they're not. It's not Jehovah's Witness.

[Allison Rosen]

I do do that. I'll take one of those and I go put it back in the frozen food section.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I treat it. It's funny.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, you mean the actual product?

[Allison Rosen]

The actual.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the box?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause I feel so guilty. That's good, though.

[Russell Peters]

That's a good idea. See, now that makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

What we need to understand is the elderly person that is standing in front of the chafing dish has nothing to do with this product other than they're standing there behind it with a red smock on. I pretend like it was his grandfather's recipe that he brought over from the other night. Oh, hey. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Authentic.

[Russell Peters]

I like when they don't really speak English very well. Oh, what's this? Is this vegan? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Is this chocolate? Yes. Is this meat? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's vegan. So it's called pork snout, but you're saying it's vegan?

[Russell Peters]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

But I can. It's actually. I'm looking at the thing. There's a picture of a pig who's having sex with a cow. That is a turducken shoved up its ass.

[Russell Peters]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this vegan, then?

[Russell Peters]

Yes. Yes. Okay. Vegan.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my wife's vegan.

[Russell Peters]

Okay. Vegan.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Russell Peters]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

This is meat, though. I'm chewing it right now.

[Russell Peters]

Meat. Vegan. Meat. Vegan.

[Adam Carolla]

Meat. Vegan.

[Russell Peters]

Meat. Vegan.

[Adam Carolla]

Certified, though.

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And Is it organic?

[Russell Peters]

150,000%.

[Adam Carolla]

100% organic?

[Russell Peters]

150,000%.

[Adam Carolla]

More than 100%.

[Russell Peters]

More than 150,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it locally grown?

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's here.

[Russell Peters]

Imported.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is it? Can you tell me? The local farm. Oh, wait a minute. I'm sorry. He said imported. Imported, Local brought in from a local farm.

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So is there like a local exchange program or something where we take our local stuff and ship it to other places? Frozen taste fresh or frozen?

[Russell Peters]

Take it. Frozen fish.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, It's a frozen. Fresh. It's flash frozen.

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a flash fresh?

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely, too.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's a vegan. Locally sourced, 150,000% organic, meat based, but meatless.

[Russell Peters]

You like it?

[Adam Carolla]

I like it.

[Russell Peters]

Then yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, My wife is. As a diet.

[Russell Peters]

She also would like it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know Marianne?

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

She would eat this.

[Russell Peters]

Lovely.

[Adam Carolla]

Has she been in here before?

[Russell Peters]

For sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you guys had relations?

[Russell Peters]

Maybe one time.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, this is weird. Is this recently or is this after we got married? Or is this like a high school thing?

[Russell Peters]

Vegan? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. I'm gonna go in the nut section.

[Russell Peters]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm gonna. I'm gonna look at some of the cashews.

[Russell Peters]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Russell Peters]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have honey roasted?

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have regular.

[Russell Peters]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Salted?

[Russell Peters]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Smoked cashew Raw.

[Russell Peters]

No problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Oh, do you have dingleberry flavored?

[Russell Peters]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. See, I made that up. Oh, see, I made it up because you were saying you have everything, then

[Russell Peters]

we should have it.

[Adam Carolla]

You're saying you're out of dingleberry?

[Russell Peters]

Possibly. If it's not there, we don't have.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you're disagreeing with everything I'm saying.

[Russell Peters]

That's how you said

[Adam Carolla]

and seen.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how it goes.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of that Russell's doing. As I was watching his Netflix special, I was thinking, oh, yeah, Russell does a lot of acting. Most comedians aren't.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Aren't actors, but Russell's a good actor.

[Brian Bishop]

I just remember that he was in Source Code, which was one of those movies that was so much better than it should have been. Like, I remember seeing the trailer me like, I'm not gonna see this piece of crap. It was really, really good.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And was it next? Was that the Denzel Washington on the commuter train? Gyllenhaal.

[Russell Peters]

The same look.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he had another one at the same time where something was blowing up and he had to go back in time to, oh, I do.

[Russell Peters]

You know, I think you're right. I know. I know what you're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

There were two movies.

[Brian Bishop]

I realized the plots are similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there were two movies. I believe Deja Vu was. Was his thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I never saw that one, but. Source Code with Jake Gyllenhaal and co starring Russell Peters.

[Adam Carolla]

Very, very good.

[Russell Peters]

I did the red carpet. They didn't even have my name on the press list.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, as memory serves, you were that you had a small scene on the train. But because they kept reliving the train scene, that kept reliving everything. So what about it? Acting, stand up. I'm sure you do all of it, but there's fun.

[Russell Peters]

But stand up is, you know, so much easier, I think. It's not that acting is hard. I just don't like mornings. Yeah, like for me, this was a morning right here by 1:30. Yeah, 130. What are you out of your mind? And then you moved it out here. Used to be in Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I agree. Well, it's funny. There's a lot of comedians who really don't. They're not morning people. They don't want to work a job. Like, they just, they just don't like convention.

[Russell Peters]

27 years of stand up now. So it's, you know, it's been a little while that I'm used to this routine of not waking up early.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's, it's, it's, it's nice that you can be working. It's a little weird. Like when you go to San Jose.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can stay up at night and have a cocktail and do whatever and you can wake up at noon and still have seven hours to kill.

[Russell Peters]

Like noon later on the road. It's three.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Russell Peters]

Breakfast is around three thirty.

[Adam Carolla]

Where do you. Well, how, how much staying up do you do after a show?

[Russell Peters]

I don't really stay up that late. It's just my opportunity to sleep when I'm here. You know, when I'm here, my dog, I got to go see my daughter. I gotta, you know, I got people in the house, I gotta feed the dog. All kinds of, you know, normal things. No, it's that I never signed up in life for.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you do have a daughter now.

[Russell Peters]

I do. She'll be sick soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Talked about in the special.

[Russell Peters]

She's five.

[Adam Carolla]

In the special. She still is five.

[Russell Peters]

Still is, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And what are you learning from her? Yeah, I mean, I saw a lot of stuff.

[Russell Peters]

I actually had to help her with her. She's in kindergarten. She had homework the other day and my ex wife was like, hey, can you help her do her homework before she does anything else? I go, yeah, yeah, no problem. I'm like, it's kindergarten homework. I was literally staring at it like it was Chinese. I was like, I don't know what the hell we got to do here. Because it was just so easy. I thought it was a trick. You know when you used to do tests and they put that one really obvious question. You're like, this can't. This is bait and switch here. It was like a circle and it was like, draw a line to the. You know, to the thing. But it was all straight lines. And I realize they're just trying to teach them how to draw straight lines. And I'm like, this seems too obvious. I don't know. There's got to be a trick to this. And they're like. And my daughter goes, no, daddy, we have to draw the line. And I'm like, oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

My kids are 10 and they go over their spelling words and I'm out. I don't know half of their spelling words.

[Russell Peters]

The spelling I'm good with. It's math. And anything after that, you know, I get lost.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what about culturally? The ex wife is Latina. Latina. So we raised a kid with a little Latina flavor and some Indian. Or where we are.

[Russell Peters]

I want her to. She understands Spanish, my daughter, but she won't speak it. And I'm an atheist. So I didn't want my daughter to go to Catholic school, but my ex wife wanted to go to Catholic school. So now I'm in this battle because I'm like, I don't want to. She tells me stuff like, daddy, I drank God today. I'm like, baby, you can't drink something that doesn't exist. So, you know, I'm trying to, you know, every time she comes home with some sort of Bible lesson, I'm like, that's a good story. But it's just a story. It's a good. It's a good way for you to think about things, but it's not real.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you guys think about this? Not a pre. Nup, but a pre. Pamphlet Nup.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Where you go a one sheet. Yeah. Where it's kind of like.

[Russell Peters]

Like a side effects thing on a bottle of pill.

[Allison Rosen]

May cause.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Well, just the thing where it's like, look, sweetie, I don't want to get into a whole bunch of legalese about who owes what and what owes who, but let's at least check the box where it's like, as we were kidding about it before, but I've talked to guys where it's like they get divorced, then their wife goes vegan, and now there's no meat or Dairy allowed like in the house. And they got a six year old boy and they want the kid to have a little pastrami or some turkey breast or something because the kid needs protein. But the mom's gone full vegan, like or she's gone full into this religion or got involved with that group or you know what I'm talking about. With just that thing.

[Russell Peters]

Whenever that desperation kicks in, people always reach for something that's gonna get them out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of the writer at the club, just the one that says the box where it's like you can't go full born again Christian, you can't go like Christian Scientists. You can't go full vegan.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a baseline established.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd like to be a vegetarian personally, that, that's fine, but you still need to. I still need to find some lunch meat in the house. Yeah, I do that, right?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. My ex wife went all yoga and stuff after we broke up, like started going to yoga like all the time and then teaching yoga and then taking like learning how to massage and I'm like. All this shit you do after, like. I mean you wouldn't massage anything when I was married to you. And now you're getting, you're getting paid for it and I'm still paying your child support. Get out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you guys getting, getting along okay for the sake of the, of the child?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, it's not too bad. It could be much worse, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

And your parents have been married for 40 years?

[Russell Peters]

My parents are married for 40 years before my dad croaked. Otherwise he would have. They'd been married for 54 years by now.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like the Indians mate for life. Yeah, maybe not the ones that went to Hollywood and started doing stand up, but I mean I do see old anything of documentaries or anything I've seen. The couple's just together forever.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, but they were put together. It's not like they found each other.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't that make it more interesting though?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the deal. The batting average is higher and put together than attracted to each other because we shouldn't be left to our own devices when it comes to being attracted to people. Because we're attracted. Like she married her father, he married her mother, her dad was an abusive alcoholic and that's why she's attracted to the abusive alcoholic. And that's no good. You'd be much better off just having some aunt just put the two. Put two people together.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, you need somebody with that, you know, looking at it from the outside. Yeah, you need somebody with perspective.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you think about it, especially for women, since they're not as aesthetically oriented, what is attraction for them sometimes? Oh, you are.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, I'm giving it around 2.

[Allison Rosen]

Mazel tov.

[Russell Peters]

Thanks. Where's your own models?

[Adam Carolla]

Where'd you. Where'd you meet this one?

[Russell Peters]

You ready? Yeah. Instagram.

[Adam Carolla]

Instagram.

[Allison Rosen]

That's adorable.

[Russell Peters]

She slid into my dm. She asked me out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, why not?

[Russell Peters]

And I was like, I thought I was being catfished. I'm like, yeah. I looked at her page. I'm like, this broad wants to go out with me. Get out of here. So she was like, do you want to meet up for a drink? I've had a crush on you for years. I'm like, I don't believe this. It just doesn't add up.

[Brian Bishop]

You called her bluff.

[Russell Peters]

I said, yeah, sure. I said, I actually have a show. And this was funny enough, in Ontario, California, three years ago. I was like, I have a show in Ontario. If you want to come out there and we can talk, meet up after. She was like, sure. And I gave her my assistance number.

[Allison Rosen]

Smart.

[Russell Peters]

Because I'm like, you know. And then when she got there, I sent him out to make sure, A, she was alone, and B, she was the same girl from the pictures. And it was. And I was like, I know. Like, she's probably crazy. What kind of a girl is gonna drive an hour and a half out of LA to come to meet a guy she doesn't know and not crazy? She's got to be crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

I love.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe she wanted to go outlet shopping first.

[Adam Carolla]

My favorite part about Catfish, the TV show, is when they do that, they do that move where they're like, well, we've been online going back and forth for seven. Oh, six and a half. Almost seven years now. Yeah, that's the crazy part. And you've never met up? Well, she's in Fresno and I'm in San Diego. So it's like there's a Southwest flight everywhere all the time for $89.

[Russell Peters]

Like, you know, that was basically the human version of your show with the repairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, which one? Oh. Oh, you mean to catch a contractor?

[Russell Peters]

Catch a contractor? That was basically the. Catch a human. It was one thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then. And then they go. And then there was always this one like, well, she's in. Her family is in DeKalb, Illinois. And then there'd be some point where they tell the story where they had a business trip, and it was to DeKalb, Illinois, and they were there for four days, but they couldn't get hooked up.

[Brian Bishop]

And they're like, they kept missing each other.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you know that's how you know this, how you're being catfished.

[Russell Peters]

It's bizarre that it happens like nowadays. I remember like in the early 90s, there was those chat, not those party lines. Yeah, you just pick up, call in. Then there'd be like 10 people on the call. You'd start talking and then guys would always try and start fights with each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll meet you in the corner, blah, blah, I'mma kick your ass. I never called one, but I, I never missed a commercial.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, I called them all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Chick in the sexy pajamas laying around her nicely adorned apartment.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello.

[Russell Peters]

There was the free ones. I would call the free ones and you try and meet girls. And they had always. The ones that sounded good on the phone were always ones you don't want to meet.

[Adam Carolla]

The best advertisers for that kind of stuff are the ones that, back when porno tapes, you'd rent a porno tape, be a vhs, there'd be one at the end call this. Oh, yeah, the chick would be blowing a guy and then she'd pull his out and go, oh, I'm so lonely, I miss you. And I'm always like, well, who's this dude? Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Russell Peters]

Like that better be a microphone.

[Adam Carolla]

We're trying to start something. I'm, you know, I'm looking, I'm looking long term here, but who is this dude over here?

[Brian Bishop]

Call me now, right now.

[Adam Carolla]

What about this guy? If I call right now, he's gonna be, he's gonna be upset.

[Brian Bishop]

At the very least, frustrated.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do a little news, shall we? First, I'll tell you about Lifelock. How about that? Ah, man, you want to protect yourself, you want to guard your computer? Well, how about your phone? Hackers out there, man, there's breaches. They get into that smartphone, they hack in your personal, your system, they get all your personal info, ID theft. America's fastest growing crime. That's why I have Lifelock and I don't have a problem. My kids have it, my wife has it. It's all Lifelock. At the Corolla House, if you do have a problem, they do not outsource. It's all out here, so you do not have to worry about that. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. But with Lifelock, you got the best. It's the industry standard. It's just $9.99 a month. It's 2016, people. Let's get some identity theft protection. Lifelock. Lifelock. Dawson, go to lifelock.com or call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code ADAM. That's ADAM. For 10% off your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership, call 1-800-lifelock-1-800-LIFELOCK. All right, should we do a little news?

[Allison Rosen]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me the News with Grad News with Gina Grad. Show biz Congress, Tech news, Sports news, World news. Give me news with Gina Grad. Weird shit out of Florida. Sex of the News with Gina Grad.

[Allison Rosen]

Obama returned to Jimmy Kimmel Live on Monday night. And that means it's time for another presidential edition of Mean Tweets. That's a segment, of course, where celebs read some of the nastiest things said about them on Twitter. Here's a clip from that bit, which ends with a personal message from a presidential candidate.

[Adam Carolla]

My mom bought new conditioner and it sucks. It isn't even conditioning my hair. I blame Obama. Barack Obama, bro, do you even lift? Well, I lifted the ban on Cuban cigars. That's worth something. Barack Obama is the sharknado of presidents. Loud, stupid and overhyped. Sharknado 4. President Obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the United States. Exclamation point. At real Donald Trump. At real Donald Trump. At least I will go down as a president. Oh, he dropped the phone, bro.

[Allison Rosen]

Little phone drop at the end.

[Adam Carolla]

Every, you know, they have. That's funny because I read every tweet I get, or so I think. But whenever I do Jimmy Show, I gotta do the mean tweets thing. And they seem to supply a lot of very hateful tweets that I somehow miss on my own. But they're very thorough. But every president should just go to like charm school or media training or something like that. Because Obama gets so much mileage out of being so likable. I really couldn't tell you how he's done as a physical president. Like, I don't know, in terms of Obamacare, I know they just raised it. As far as the deficit, unemployment, I don't think he's even done a very good job. But I don't care. He has a self deprecating sense of humor. He can deliver jokes. I mean, he gets good writers. But then he delivers calm dude, the thing. And he just has a vibe. And we're at this place as a species where sort of bizarrely, it's weird. I Always wish. See, for me, I want the president to be like football coaches, which is all Bill Belichick does is win. Nobody likes him, he hate him at a press conference. Everybody hates him. He does, he cheats, he does whatever, but he just wins. And that's a guy I want coaching my country. Now there's plenty of guys in the NFL that are charismatic and likable, but if they don't win, they're out. They just literally have a record.

[Allison Rosen]

So do you think Obama's more the guidance counselor than the football coach?

[Adam Carolla]

I just think, I think he is charming, comfortable in his own skin, has a self deprecating sense of humor and gets a ton of mileage out of it because we can't really keep score anymore.

[Russell Peters]

I think that's almost why people hate on him, to try and break him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like you want him just. You want some footage of him freaking out and kicking a dog or something?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, like one of those Bill O'Reilly recordings.

[Allison Rosen]

We'll do it live.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you want one of those. Beyonce's sister punching someone in an elevator or even Ray Rice for that matter.

[Brian Bishop]

Unless he's the real Barack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, good black elevator violence there. But yeah, I miss those days. There's. Because again with Belichick, you can go, man, the guy's 119 and 13 at home over the last two deck a decade and a half or whatever and you go, it's unbelievable. But I really don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

The next day, but the guy wins.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody's good enough or not. Nobody. But we don't really know exactly how all these, you know, whose fault isis. Sure. So we blame that Obama, like did he do a good job? Did he do a bad job?

[Russell Peters]

Blame Obama on isis.

[Brian Bishop]

Too much credit, too much blame for everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, immigration, isis, the deficit, Obamacare. I don't know, is it good, is it bad? I really don't know. But is he super likable?

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And basically two terms because of this or because quite a bit of it? I think so. So that's the moral of the story is we're done caring about the deficit in this country. We're now wanting to relate. Who do you want to have a beer with?

[Allison Rosen]

The beer summit.

[Adam Carolla]

And the next person who comes along should really think about that aspect of it. If not literally get coached up like Mark Ergus has in his office. A courtroom. Oh yeah, they gotta run this stuff. They gotta run this like Dr. Phil and Oprah with her lawsuit and Texas cattlemen or whatever it is. Like you, let's get this person to be that person. Now, you can't yell at people to be comfortable in their own skin.

[Brian Bishop]

But it feels like the one who really figured it out first, or at least this era, was Bill Clinton. I mean, he was the antithesis to George H.W. exactly. George W. Bush was the ultimate, you know, let's have a beer with the guy. And he stood in stark contrast to Al Gore is so stiff. It's been that way for however many things.

[Russell Peters]

I'll tell you who you don't want to get drunk with is probably Donald Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, I'm always movie kind of funny.

[Russell Peters]

I'm always, I don't know, I just feel even more evil will spew out of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you afraid you'll get deported?

[Russell Peters]

I am afraid I'd get deported or at least round up into an internment camp.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm always amazed that when guys like that don't drink, he doesn't drink. Yeah, the thing about that's the weird thing because it's like for the guys, I was just thinking about this last night.

[Russell Peters]

Probably does blow that.

[Adam Carolla]

Why doesn't he drink? Like he should drink. He's got the perfect hair for a drinker. He's got the perfect skin color for the drinkers. Size. Yeah, he's got the size. He's got everything. The sunken eyes he's got. Right. The right period.

[Russell Peters]

That look on his face though, the bloats.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, the, you know, he invited me to his hotel room, he was wearing pajamas, I came in, he's forced to kiss on me and my girlfriend. It's like, oh, yeah, he was drunk. Like that's what drunken. For anyone who knows drunken guy behavior, that's me. That's drunken guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever behavior he exhibits, like when he's like, oh, he's in first class and he pulled me up and he slit his hand and it's like, oh, that's all drunk.

[Brian Bishop]

While he marries in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's all drunk. That's airplane. Drunken behavior. He should drink.

[Allison Rosen]

Didn't he have an alcoholic brother?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Did he die of alcoholism and maybe that had something to do with it? I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, probably did. But I'm just saying, if you're gonna look like an alcoholic trying to help and you're gonna act like an alcoholic, now you have all the negative baggage, minus the cool box. Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Peters]

You know what he is? He's like a vibrator with no batteries.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Russell Peters]

He'll fill you up. But there's no buzz.

[Adam Carolla]

He probably could tell you about three dry DUIs he got.

[Russell Peters]

He suffered some du dries.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I hadn't been drinking, but I still was arrested. To display all the characteristics of drunk person.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a point of my record.

[Russell Peters]

He'd give him Mel Gibson without having to worry about liver problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Who would. Who? I just thought about this. I'll think of this. Who would you be most surprised in order of if you saw them driving themselves?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Trump, Oprah or Hillary?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, most surprised.

[Russell Peters]

Trump driving.

[Adam Carolla]

Pull up at a stoplight and there they are.

[Russell Peters]

Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think I feel like Hillary. Really?

[Russell Peters]

No. I could see Hillary driving.

[Allison Rosen]

Knows how to drive. I don't think Chubman.

[Russell Peters]

I don't see her driving just to piss everybody off.

[Gina Grad]

Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Trump.

[Russell Peters]

You know what? She'd drive with her indicator on the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

Trump.

[Brian Bishop]

To the left.

[Adam Carolla]

Left turn.

[Brian Bishop]

Because it's a whole adult life in New York too. No one drives there.

[Allison Rosen]

I literally don't think he knows how to drive. Why would he? He took a limit of school.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I just gotta know how to drive.

[Russell Peters]

Can't have a guy who can't drive at the helm.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Someone's gotta get those new codes in how they can drive that football in. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, CNN reports that ex. The ex wife of disgraced subway pitch man Jared Fogle is suing the sandwich chain Charge. Yep. Charging the top executives knew of his pedophilia as early as 202004 and should have notified.

[Brian Bishop]

So that's our new.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, because they didn't get married until a few years.

[Adam Carolla]

Trump's driving a limo. I mean, driving a roll.

[Russell Peters]

What? That's probably on his stage, probably on

[Allison Rosen]

his property, the emergency brakes on.

[Russell Peters]

Or he's in England and that's the passenger side.

[Adam Carolla]

He had to drive because he's 70 years old and at some point he had to get around Brooklyn or something.

[Brian Bishop]

He probably was 22 golf carts around his own property.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He probably doesn't know how to drive anything that doesn't have mink for floor mats. I think that's.

[Russell Peters]

I had a rose and it did have mink floor mats.

[Adam Carolla]

It did, didn't you?

[Russell Peters]

Well, I don't know if it was mink, but it was definitely fur.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a Bentley.

[Russell Peters]

I have another one now. It actually has fur mats as well. I took them out. But it has red. Red leather interior. But it has red fur mats.

[Adam Carolla]

Russell always rides in something absolutely mind numbingly amazing, which is. It's funny because he's Indian, but He's a hip hop Indian, and I think

[Russell Peters]

that's the hip hop Indian.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the hip hop side of him coming out.

[Russell Peters]

It actually is.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Katie McLaughlin, that was Fogle's wife, divorced him after he pleaded guilty to federal charges of child pornography and having sex with minors. She alleges in the suit that she and her children suffered emotional distress because Fogle's behavior did not become publicly known before she married him in 2010. Insinuating that Subway knew about his pedophilia before she.

[Adam Carolla]

In terms of the kids and the damage.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it's like, really bad news about dad. He's dead. Oh, no, much worse. It's much worse. He suffered before he died from the mouth of Bay.

[Brian Bishop]

He was tortured to death.

[Adam Carolla]

If only he was dead. Boy, this would be so much better for you guys. Thousand, you really know it's bad when literally death is a huge upgrade. Sweet relief from what is next going to come out of my mouth as a mother when we're having our little Brady meeting in the den here.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it literally couldn't be worse. Of course, Subway has not commented, so we'll see if they're going to. So they're cut any money off for her?

[Adam Carolla]

They're saying. Sorry. She's saying that they knew.

[Allison Rosen]

They knew before she did. That they were covering up since 20 2004. She married him in 2010. And that they're covering it up not only led, of course, to a lot of other damage, but personal damage to their family as well. So that could be interesting. I mean, I don't know that Subway's gonna bite on this, but I think. Does it sound like she has a case? I wonder what Garagos thinks.

[Adam Carolla]

You said bite. I did.

[Russell Peters]

All I kept thinking was kids combo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is.

[Allison Rosen]

It's an interesting question. We'll see what happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would love to know how this works, but I'm. I'm guessing there's going to be a check cut here. No. Nobody wants to rip the lid off this and go open face on this. On this sub sandwich. No, not even Drake with the six inch. Right. So this is. This is them. God, they just got to go look at who that. Does anybody like we just put this to bed. Really want to get back into that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, so we'll see. Well, dairy farmers drowning in cheap milk begged agricultural officials Friday to buy up tens of thousands of tons of cheese. To help bail them out, the chief executive of the National Milk Producers Federation asked the. That's a thing. Asked the Agricultural secretary to buy $150 million worth of cheese to protect struggling dairy farmers. So now we have £1.2 billion of cheese sitting in cold storage. If we want to consume the entire surplus. Just to put this in perspective, we all have to eat an extra three pounds a year. We're already eating on the average of 36 pounds of cheese a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't they used a free government cheese? That was a thing.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So we're going to have to get into the government cheese again.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. But I think this is.

[Russell Peters]

Does it specify what kind of.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's the thing they named, like, mozzarella and cheddar. This sounds like fancy cheese, not like the American.

[Russell Peters]

I mean, those are useful cheese. Yeah, Mozzarella, you can make a lot of cheese. And all those other ones, you're like, that's not necessary.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing that's. This is win, win. Because cheese is packed with protein and poor people love fondue, as far as I know. Now, I'm a rich guy. I don't hang out with those people. I barely drive.

[Brian Bishop]

As far as, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they all have fondue. Everyone's got a fondue set.

[Caller]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know poor people got a lot of time on their hands. They probably enjoy fondue.

[Russell Peters]

Yep. So take a cracker and dip it into the fondue.

[Adam Carolla]

We need to get a fondue manufacturer to really step up now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, really do you listen up. Fondue manufacturers.

[Allison Rosen]

Fondue.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

How about, you know, they start donating government fondue machines into the poor neighborhoods.

[Allison Rosen]

Government torn up.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, we're so here.

[Russell Peters]

This will go well with your government cheese.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We all get high five about, oh, they need instruments or books. They need fondue.

[Russell Peters]

And just think about how much toilet paper they'll save because they won't for a month.

[Brian Bishop]

Stopped up, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

I much prefer a cheese fondue over a chocolate fondue.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, yeah, I'm with you guys.

[Allison Rosen]

With me on that. Delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, career builders surveyed managers about the strange excuses people have given for taking the day off. And here are the top ones. I thought you'd appreciate this. First one. Employees said the ozone in their air. In the air. Flattened his tire. Can that happen?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. The employee said her roots were showing and she had to keep her hair appointment because she, quote, looked a mess. The employee ate cat food instead of tuna accidentally and fell deathly ill. Well,

[Brian Bishop]

that's a real thing. Better than your root showing.

[Allison Rosen]

The employee said she wasn't sick, but her llama was. The employee was bowling the game of his life and just couldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm down. Look, if you're looking at 300 or your previous pass was, like, a 171 and you're heading toward 250, I'll take that. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a real thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Would you respect that?

[Adam Carolla]

I would. I would as an employer.

[Brian Bishop]

On that note, I realized we dropped the ball when Nate Adams is in here. Didn't he take time off to go to a poker tournament thing?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

We never found out how he did.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he advanced. What? Yeah, we should have been.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, we messed. I dropped the ball. I'm sorry, everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he told me that. Well, like I said, he told me he's. The guy's a guy in the other warehouse I make movies with. But he's told me he gets his hair. Got his hair cut on the way in. No, no. Had his medical exam brought to him so he didn't have to take a mobile physical. Right. But he also then was gonna have to leave at noon because he was in a poker tournament in high school.

[Brian Bishop]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Nate giveth and Nate taketh away.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we have an undo? We have an. Stop me if I'm wrong. I'm guilty of it too. But I feel like we have an undue amount of respect for poker. Like, we do a thing where it's like, hey, this guy moved to Vegas.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm listening.

[Adam Carolla]

He lived there for three years. He never had a job. All right? He's just a habitual gambler.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gambling. You know what I mean? We have wild respect for. Like, this guy is in a club. We started out with 50,000 people. Now it's down to 5,000 people. I just made the cut, and it's like, wow. Wow. Go no free. By all means, miss all work. Miss more work and keep gambling while the sun is shining outside. At the Pan Poker Society in Gardena. Over there, I have men's and celebrities. Like, you go. That's celebrity. Oh, yeah. But he's a. Ben Affleck's a hell of a. He's a world class poker. Like, we do a lot of.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't do that with craps. We don't have any other gambler. We donated games that we just.

[Russell Peters]

Brian Sugar Kaplan gave up a good career of comedy and acting just to become a gambler.

[Allison Rosen]

Jennifer Tilly.

[Adam Carolla]

If some guy tells you that guy sounds hot, he didn't. Norm MacDonald. Yeah. Some guy said, I moved to Laughlin or Vegas or Reno or something. It's legal and I didn't work for a year. I just gambled and played. I ranked it. Stuff's like top 100 or something like that. You automatically respect that guy but it's yes you do. Why all the respect? I get it.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll meet you halfway and say that. Yes, that's a romantic notion. The guy who moves out to be a professional gambler, follow his dream, whatever, plays for a living and the skill it takes to master that is pretty impressive. However I'm with you on that. If you've ever played poker for a living or even a lot of poker at these places. Vegas is better than most places. It is depressing. It is really sad. I'd also love not a glamorous lifestyle

[Adam Carolla]

to have a sit down with the wife and kids. He left back in Van Nuys to follow his dream of professional pokerism to find out just some of their thoughts on why.

[Russell Peters]

It's funny because people treat them like athletes too.

[Allison Rosen]

I know they get endorsements.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Brian Bishop]

This skill is impressive.

[Russell Peters]

This degenerates promoting our product.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gambling like it's something. It's next to alcoholism in terms of like ruining a family. Like you would be better off. I would say that you'd be much better off having the provider of the family be an alcoholic than a gambler.

[Brian Bishop]

I was literally just thinking about it last night. I'm not exaggerating what percentage of the time my waking hours I would spend in the casino on the cruise. Like how much time am I going to spend in that casino?

[Allison Rosen]

You're pre planning this.

[Brian Bishop]

I was thinking about it like I'm going to be on stage for an hour and a half. I'm gonna be eating for probably four total hours.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying. I'm not saying we should frown upon it. I'm just saying let's get them off onto a lower pedestal. Not all the respect.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, they're already getting the money.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Russell Peters]

That's enough. And it's on tv. That's the worst part. People watch it.

[Allison Rosen]

Poker after dark.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, that's what you should be doing. Poking her after dark.

[Adam Carolla]

Not watching. It's so insane to me. Yes. Alright, hold on. Let me tell you guys about a better way to spend your money. How about stamps.com? not enough hours in the day. Still going down to the post office. I got a better way. Stamps.com youm can buy and print official US postage. Any letter, any package, put it right on. It's instant. Just comes right out of Your printer. Weigh it. How do you weigh it? Well, they give you a scale. So you sign up now, use my name, Adam. You get a four week trial. So you try it out for four weeks. Free $110 bonus offer. You get the digital scale and the postage goes up. The scale goes up to £80. So whatever it is you're sending, you can do it right here, right at your desk. Plug it into your computer. The amount, the exact right amount, not a penny more or under will come out. And then you just tape it right on. Fix it to your package and send it.

[Russell Peters]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hand it to the postman. Stamps.com. before you do anything else, click the microphone, top of the homepage, type in Adam, that is stamps.com promo code, AdamStamps.com. enter Adam. All right, what else we got?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, cases of STDs in the United States have reached new highs. Yep, there were 1.5 million chlamydia cases last year, which was a 6% increase from the year before. And about 400,000 infections of gonorrhea. It's about a 13% rise. Finally, syphilis rose 19% to 24,000 cases. Those are levels unseen since the mid-1990s. Well, health officials attributed the rise to cuts in funding for prevention and a decrease in the number of people going to clinics to be tested.

[Russell Peters]

Could be more cuts on their genitals rather than.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think.

[Russell Peters]

You ever got anything? No, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, what'd you get?

[Russell Peters]

Chlamydia. Back in the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I got late 90s. I got a yeast infection.

[Russell Peters]

Did you. A little loaf of bread came out of there. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird because it's like. It's like a chick thing, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Did you really get yeast infection infections?

[Adam Carolla]

I did, yeah. Huh, huh?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, I got the clams back in the day. Oh, it's so itchy. I just remember how itchy it was.

[Allison Rosen]

Clear that up, though, with a. Yeah,

[Russell Peters]

but you know, you scratch it, you got to go underneath.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it just on the thing, the shaft?

[Russell Peters]

It's like having a runny shaft, like a runny nose.

[Allison Rosen]

It has a cold.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

And the only way you could really. I know it's a clean show, but. Sorry, guys. The only way you could relieve yourself is by pressing underneath behind the bag on the chota area. You kind of. Yeah, you kind of two finger it and massage gently. And you're like, oh, my God, that feels amazing.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you have to. Did a doctor go straight in with

[Russell Peters]

a pedal with the. With the Q tip? Oh, that did that made me never want to get anything ever again.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Russell Peters]

I wanted to get something again, but

[Adam Carolla]

I was told after unprotected sex that the girl had genital herpes.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, that sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

I was so thankful she was a model. And I remember being so thankful that she let me have sex with her that I was like, I got no problem.

[Russell Peters]

If this is the receipt, I'm good with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I didn't. I didn't get it. So, you know, Win, win.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So did you have to take, like, Diflucan or whatever? We ladies.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think. I didn't have anything.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know the name. That's all you would know the name.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeast infections. Girls get those all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

The yeast, you picked your way out of it. The yeast infection was like, that was go down. I didn't have any insurance, and I didn't have any doctor or any anything. And I just went down to, like, the Santa Monica Free Clinic, and I just stood in line there. And, you know, one angry lady doctor after the next would just. But first off, it's like a weird thing. They, like, pull your pants down, but they don't really tell you when to pull them up. They're just going, hold on, let me get a colleague. And then they just come in and then. And they wrote me a prescription to get, like, to the pharmacy across the street. And it was like, old man Drucker was behind the counter and he was like. He was looking at the prescription. He was like, yeast infrared. And I was like, yeah, yeah. This for you? I was like, a lot of questions. Yeah, it's getting bad. Well, this for your girlfriend or something? Like, it was like a lady thing. But I never ended up even using the stuff because it just kind of dried up and went away.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, goodness.

[Russell Peters]

So you think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So one of the lucky ones, your

[Russell Peters]

wife has a bakery down there now.

[Brian Bishop]

His daughter did go as a muffin for him.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. He did grow a muffin.

[Adam Carolla]

They just say bun in the oven. That's what they're talking about. Yeah. So it just kind of went away. And here's. I remember being so poor, I paid like $43 for this cream that I never used. I didn't have insurance or anything.

[Brian Bishop]

$1982 or whatever it was.

[Adam Carolla]

It's probably like 88 or something dollars. But either way, I was like, I can't throw this $42 tube. You know what I mean? It's like the most expensive thing I own. The smallest Most expensive. I have an Isuzu Trooper that's worth marginally more Rodeo. Oh, they Suzu. That's the one that people in the Trooper make fun of when they're looking to feel better about themselves. I couldn't throw the tube away for like 13 years because it was $44. I don't know what I was going to do with it. I wish there was some way I could sell it or something.

[Russell Peters]

It's just me walking up. Well, there's no ebay back then.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, somebody would take them.

[Russell Peters]

Could have used. See if you still have it. Maybe you can get rid of it now.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a rode, you had a

[Russell Peters]

rodeo and a rodeo.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Russell Peters]

Manual.

[Adam Carolla]

Even know what a Isuzu Rodeo.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they were still around when I was.

[Russell Peters]

The Isuzu Rodeo was also the Honda Passport.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Exact same vehicle.

[Brian Bishop]

This is like an early SUV, right?

[Russell Peters]

It was.

[Brian Bishop]

It was early model SUV.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. Yeah, I had a 95.

[Adam Carolla]

Was that pre comedy?

[Russell Peters]

No, that was during. I started in 89. So for the first three years of comedy, I didn't have a car at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Where were you? Where? How would you get around? What'd you do?

[Russell Peters]

Like, Trump, take the bus, do whatever I had to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm looking at that rodeo.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Mine was green too. Oh, my God. We're looking at it. That's exactly what mine looked like.

[Allison Rosen]

That's your car.

[Russell Peters]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[Adam Carolla]

So stupid.

[Russell Peters]

That looks exactly like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody tweeted me about the. I don't know, it was a road and track article or something. Gary. I favorited it, but I don't know where it came from. But it was about Leno getting me started in comedy and it reminded me of the story, but he didn't get me started in comedy. But he lived up in the hills and I was doing a remod on a house that was across the street from the house that he lived in up off of like Woodrow Wilson and Mulholland up in the Hollywood Hills. And I was a young carpenter and I used to see him go out there and wrench on his bikes every day. And I knew who he was. He wasn't on the Tonight Show. He wasn't guest hosting or doing anything. I just knew he was a successful comedian. Comedian successful, though when I introduced myself, he was surprised that I recognized him. So he wasn't that monumentally successful. And I told him I wanted to get into comedy and he told me to go do an open mic at a place called the Deli Smoker on Ventura Boulevard, which doesn't. It doesn't work anymore, but you got it. What do you got? What's the article say? I didn't read it. Somebody just. I put it up there.

[Brian Bishop]

Gina, do you want to.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, sure. It says, one of my favorite parts of that busy Sunday was watching Jay Leno and Adam Carolla improvise a bit of sketch comedy around Carolla's immaculate 1969 Lamborghini Miura SV on the pebble beach lawn for our livestream. Decades ago, Leno helped Carolla get his start in comedy, and it was clear from how casually these two riffed with and ripped on each other that they are great friends and consummate car guys. It was a profane and genuinely funny bit. So out of a. Out of place, yet perfectly suited for the prestigious concourse Sunday.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a 1971 Mura, by the way. How dare he? With the 69. There were no SVS in 69. Come on, man.

[Allison Rosen]

Get your head out.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be an S or P. Come on, man. But, yeah, he didn't really get me my start. That was Jimmy Kimmel. But we did talk comedy when I was, like, 20.

[Allison Rosen]

That's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

And he did tell me, like, go do this and go try that and go do whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

He launched you.

[Adam Carolla]

He launched me.

[Russell Peters]

He pointed you.

[Adam Carolla]

He grew the deli smoker. Yeah. Which had nothing to do with it.

[Russell Peters]

Sounds like a Jewish gay bar.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do one more.

[Allison Rosen]

You got it. Well, according to a new study, guys who use deodorant are considered more attractive by women than guys who don't. Researchers found that men who are not blessed with good looks.

[Adam Carolla]

Good news.

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone can boost their sex appeal simply by using personality. Perfumed deodorants, the result of deodorant, work especially well on men who are considered less masculine.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's talk about perfumed for a second, because I can never understand the guys who wear the deodorant that smells of deodorant. Like, it's that old spice red zone, maximum sport spice scented. Yeah, it smells like I wear. I'll just get the stuff that I'll get Tom's a mane, and it'll be baby powder flavor. Just powders.

[Russell Peters]

Talc powder or lemon. You ever tried the Tom's lemon or mango? I've used, but with my stink, my natural stink, they don't react well. So I have to go unscented.

[Adam Carolla]

I go unscented.

[Russell Peters]

I go unscented. Now you can. And then I put per. I put cologne on After. Get over here.

[Adam Carolla]

But do you have a natural funk? Oh, nice.

[Allison Rosen]

You smell amazing.

[Russell Peters]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have a natural funk?

[Russell Peters]

I do if I don't put on deodorant. It gets ugly in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Russell Peters]

You know, I take a shower before I go to bed and I don't put deodorant around before I go to bed because I'm going to friggin bed, right? Wake up in the morning, I'm like, God damn, did I die overnight? This is horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all genetics, right? It's all the flora and fauna that's in you.

[Russell Peters]

My brother is, you know, a large, large man. He doesn't stink at all. And you know, usually larger guys have that kind of large man smell. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Nothing smoker or anything?

[Russell Peters]

I'm not a smoker. Nothing. I don't understand, but I stink.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not all good right now.

[Russell Peters]

I shower twice a day.

[Adam Carolla]

I never shower and I rarely have the funk. Although sometimes it will kick in. But it's just. This is why it's almost like blaming someone for male pattern baldness. It's just a genetic component. It's not really.

[Russell Peters]

Son of a bitch, with your great hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Am I wearing a hat right now? Jesus, pubie. You should not blame the person. It is 99% of the time it is just a genetic thing. But I do question guys who do the full on deodorant smell of deodorant. So now you're smelling the deodorant.

[Russell Peters]

It's weird. It's like, I want you to know I've put something on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's the equivalent of saying, well look, you take a big dump in the bathroom, don't you want to spray a little pine scented something? It's like, yeah, but let's pretend you didn't have to take the dump. Let's pretend. And this is the dump pushing through the pine. But the pine is now triggering me and making me think somebody took a dump in the building.

[Russell Peters]

I used to be a big fan of lighting a match after I took a nice stinker in there. And then my fiance walked in and said, no, now it just smells hickory smoked.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Russell Peters]

So you have a very mesquite sheet.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the things I learned and never knew is you light the match immediately put it out. That's what I do.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I see. I would always be like I was trapped in a coal mine. Like I'd be holding in a bunch

[Allison Rosen]

of burn off that smell like a miner.

[Russell Peters]

Look for the canary.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Nick. Cage this way. I think there's a trapdoor. Yeah. Like, I would hold it above my head like I was at a concert, like a Journey concert. I didn't realize. You light it and then immediately put it out and let the smoke. It didn't work. Well, there you go.

[Russell Peters]

It's got a bellow.

[Allison Rosen]

But when you say that, that totally reminds me. There's nothing worse on a dude than when he. He's been working out or he just smells really bad, and then he hits himself with the deodorant over the top.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, that's gross. That serves no purpose.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Russell Peters]

All you're doing is sealing it in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. It's a Tupperware effect. And women who. Women we talked about earlier, they're not that aesthetic, but they use a lot of other factors to factor it in. I bet you scent is huge.

[Allison Rosen]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we should be using floral sort of deodorant study.

[Russell Peters]

I'm a big fan of unscented.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, and that's the other thing is antiperspirant versus deodorant, which everyone's saying, you know, antiperspirant has so much metal in it that it's causing dementia and Alzheimer's. Yeah. So be careful, but try and smell good.

[Russell Peters]

I sometimes put on this stuff called drysol that you get in Canada.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, is it that salt? That rock?

[Russell Peters]

No, no, no, no, no. It's like.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a liquid.

[Russell Peters]

I think it's, like, full of.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like aluminum chloride or something like that.

[Russell Peters]

It really is. And then you put that on, and you don't sweat. But I still stink. So I'm like, well, what. What is the deal on this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not even coming from the stink.

[Russell Peters]

That's all I am, is a big man of stink.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But maybe in a weird way, this. This disorder you have forces you to have a regimen of hygiene.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And all that.

[Russell Peters]

I'm so smell sensitive. Yeah. Like, I'm like. I notice it right away.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Whereas I'm, like, fast and loose with my funk.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, you're very.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably gets me when I think of

[Russell Peters]

funk, I think of you with fast and loose.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Caller]

Come on, bald Gina.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina. That was the news with Gina Grad. Ah, draftkings. How's that fantasy football season treating you? Running back. Got the pulled hamstring sleeper pick. Still asleep. Well, let's not go through life with the team that we bought when? Seven, nine weeks ago? Eight weeks ago? Has it been six, seven weeks? What are we in DraftKings?

[Brian Bishop]

We're week eight.

[Adam Carolla]

Week eight, man. DraftKings. Gary, how are you doing over there? Not very well. Not very well in our fantasy league,

[Brian Bishop]

but I'm doing okay in DraftKings because I'm able to redraft every week. It's really important when it comes to injuries.

[Adam Carolla]

How's Sonny doing in the fantasy football league? You know, he opened up strong. Been a little weaker lately, but he's

[Brian Bishop]

being a gentleman about it and he's proposing strong trades. He's asked for the top three players in the league.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe we went on a walk yesterday and he was explaining that what college he'd go to depending on what sport he excelled at.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

So if he was playing basketball, be UCLA thing, but he's playing football. I was thinking about going to Clemson. Wow. And I said clemson, traditional power Clemson. And he's like, yeah, I'll go to a better school, get a better quarterback and I'll give him a better chance for the NFL draft. And I was like, you do understand that you're going to be 11 and you've not made the transition from flag football to Pop Warner tackle football. And that I was going on my fourth season of tackle football when I was your age. So before we get the free ride to Clemson, maybe we should see what a pair of shoulder pads feel like. At some point you're gonna have to suit up. Now look, we can make a hell of a verbal case as to why they should recruit you when you played no high school ball.

[Brian Bishop]

Or you can talk up a great

[Adam Carolla]

game junior ball at all. But I could probably get you a note from Jimmy Kimmel or something. But at some point you have to put a helmet on, son. Yeah, it's DraftKings, so my boy loves it. You get stuck with a bad team, you're stuck all year. DraftKings the destination for one week fantasy football. No season long commitments. Play whenever you want. Play with the players you want. Never again will they. Injuries have you combing the waiver wire at 2am Renew old rivalries. Prove who the superior GM is. And by the way, they got a 5050 contest. Top half of all the entries win cash. So even if your team circling drain, you can still win huge cash [e-mail] that's DraftKings, Dawson. Don't wait. Start your new [e-mail] now. Use code ADAM and play for free with your first deposit. That's code Adam to play for free for your share of over $1,000,000 in total prizes this weekend only at DraftKings.com eligibility restrictions may apply. See site for details. All right, live show, Anaheim this weekend. This Friday, Anaheim Grove. That's all of us. And Milo Yiannopoulos as well. Meat provisions. Market an orange. I told Matt, how long's the drive? Pre weighs me. Think how long? Over two hours to get to that market.

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds about right.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, all right, send an email to Mike August because he's traveling with me. Mike wrote back, we should leave now. And this was two days ago. Mike can be funny sometimes, right? All right. Dallas Majestic Theater. That's us doing the live podcast. That's the fourth and then the fifth Paramount Theater. And that'll be us doing the live podcast in Austin. And then I'm gonna be at Coda at the Circuit of the Americas doing. Doing a vintage race. So come on out, find me. I'll be driving a BRE510.

[Russell Peters]

Coda. One of my least favorite Zeppelin albums.

[Adam Carolla]

The last one on Russell Peters, everybody. Almost Famous. Very funny. On Netflix. Available now. The tour Almost Famous Tour. It's over. So screw that. Thanks, Kaylin. I was gonna say, you're back in the club, working it out.

[Russell Peters]

No material. So if you come and see me, don't expect to hear anything brilliant. I'll be talking to you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And live shows coming up in San Jose. I'll tell you what. Go to WE you should go to Russell Peters dot com. Right. Russell Peters.

[Russell Peters]

Russell Peters dot com. If the information doesn't look up to date, it's probably not up to date.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, this Adam Crow for Russell Peters. Gina Grandball. Brian Saying mahalo. Yeah, I'll meet you in the corner. I'm gonna kick your ass. All right, that was adam K Show 1250 with Dr. Drew and Dan Bad Rad. That does it for today's cruel classics.

[Brian Bishop]

Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment until then.

[Adam Carolla]

And get it on. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Russell Peters]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. Truth isn't. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Russell Peters]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. The truth isn't. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never.