Sam Tripoli Talks Conspiracies, A Police Chief Poops On The Office Floor & Chappell Roan is Mad That She’s Not Hot

Summary

Adam Carolla Show Episode Summary: "Sam Tripoli Talks Conspiracies, A Police Chief Poops On The Office Floor & Chappell Roan is Mad That She’s Not Hot"

Release Date: April 1, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes comedian Sam Tripoli back to the studio. The duo dives into a plethora of topics ranging from conspiracy theories and California's high-speed rail project to societal norms and personal anecdotes. Known for his unfiltered humor and candid takes, Adam and Sam engage in lively discussions, peppered with sharp insights and memorable quotes.

---

Conspiracy Theories and California's State Issues

[04:20] The conversation kicks off with Sam expressing his eagerness to discuss the rampant fires in California and the apparent lack of accountability from political figures.

Adam Carolla critiques the media’s focus, stating, “They’re reporting on themselves.” He argues that the media perpetuates misinformation by not addressing core issues like the lab leak theory, ineffective distancing measures, and vaccine skepticism. This leads to a broader discussion on voter accountability, with Adam emphasizing that the state’s woes are a direct result of the populace's trust in the wrong leaders.

Sam Tripoli highlights the impact of media programming on public perception, noting, “The most interesting thing, guys, that I've found is forever conspiracy theorists were talking about the programming by the media.” He points out the demographic shifts in protests, observing that the majority of active protesters are over 50, contrary to mainstream media portrayals.

---

Gender and Society: The "Chick Think" Speech

[12:01] Adam introduces the concept of "chick think," a derogatory term he uses to describe what he perceives as overly emotional and indecisive behavior attributed to women in leadership roles. He laments the inability to define basic biological distinctions, such as gender, leading to societal confusion and constant arguments.

Sam Tripoli expands on this, arguing that modern feminism has distorted core beliefs, making it difficult to maintain consistent principles. He asserts, “There's no good fascism. But people are willing to compromise and flip flop...” emphasizing the dangers of ideological inconsistencies.

Adam draws parallels between personal conflicts, like organizing a garage clean-up, and larger political issues, suggesting that the inability to address straightforward problems leads to systemic failures.

---

Comedic Anecdotes: Tomato Rules and Driving

[28:19] The discussion takes a humorous turn as Adam shares his frustrations with the intricate "tomato rules" some women impose, contrasting them with more straightforward preferences for other vegetables. He humorously illustrates the complexity of accommodating multiple tomato preferences within a single household.

[44:55] Adam recounts stressful driving experiences, highlighting the anxiety induced by aggressive drivers in areas like Coldwater Canyon. He humorously describes interactions with fellow passengers, particularly Mike August, whose reckless driving styles add to the chaos.

Sam Tripoli adds to the humor by mocking societal attitudes towards driving and speed, likening overly defensive drivers to NFL linemen blocking opponents.

---

Family and Identity

[70:20] The conversation delves into personal stories about family names and identity. Adam reflects on his family's lack of middle names, leading to confusion and a sense of apathy towards familial heritage. He shares the story of his uncle Ralph Carollo, whose choice to go by a different last name adds to the family's enigmatic nature.

Sam Tripoli contrasts this with his own family's dynamics, discussing how his brother's achievements in bowling didn't translate into personal fulfillment, leading to name changes and strained relationships. He emphasizes the importance of meaningful familial connections over superficial accolades.

---

Discussions on Policing and Office Conduct

[113:31] Dawson introduces a news segment about a New Jersey police chief accused of egregious misconduct, including defecating in the office and tampering with employees' food. Adam and Sam react with a mix of disbelief and humor, debating the lack of context and the severity of such allegations.

Adam Carolla muses, “I need more context before I’m going to judge.” He draws parallels to his own experiences with unruly behavior in professional settings, highlighting the absurdity of certain office antics.

Sam Tripoli mocks the situation further by suggesting exaggerated scenarios, such as repos session antics and inappropriate workplace behavior, to underline the ridiculousness of the accusations.

---

Humorous Bits and Recollections

Throughout the episode, Sam Tripoli and Adam Carolla share various humorous anecdotes:

• Tom Stern's Repo Mishaps: Adam recounts a chaotic encounter with a repo man named Tom Stern, blending humor with the tension of being towed.

• Tom's Obsessions: They joke about Tom's possible affiliations with controversial figures and his eccentric behavior during a tow, emphasizing the surreal nature of their interactions.

• Pool Accessibility Jokes: The hosts humorously discuss the impracticality of handicap pool chairs, imagining absurd scenarios where wheelchairs are adapted for swimming and saunas.

---

Closing Remarks and Reflections

As the episode winds down, Adam reflects on his interactions with listeners and discusses personal growth over the years. He shares his aspirations for leaving a positive legacy and the importance of meaningful relationships.

Sam Tripoli emphasizes the value of strong familial bonds and personal accountability, critiquing modern societal trends that he believes undermine these principles.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Adam Carolla [04:20]: “They’re reporting on themselves.”

• Sam Tripoli [06:38]: “Old hippies are sadder than old porn stars.”

• Adam Carolla [12:01]: “Think it’s nihilism... everything must come down and just be turned to dust.”

• Sam Tripoli [22:24]: “We get the only beavers that can't build shit.”

• Adam Carolla [28:19]: “Maybe it's a chick thing.”

• Sam Tripoli [55:25]: “Real piece of.”

• Adam Carolla [77:03]: “I don’t want them wiping my butt. That is one of my goals in life.”

---

Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show seamlessly blends humor with critical commentary on societal issues. Through candid conversations and sharp wit, Adam Carolla and Sam Tripoli explore the complexities of media influence, gender dynamics, and personal identity. Their engaging banter offers listeners both entertainment and food for thought, maintaining the show's reputation as a top-ranked, thought-provoking podcast.

---

Listeners who haven't tuned in yet will find this episode both hilarious and insightful, providing a front-row seat to unfiltered commentary on contemporary issues and personal musings.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, in this episode, Sam Tripoli, very funny comedian, back in studio to chop it up. Also, Mayhem's got the news and I got thoughts right after this. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for betting on all the madness. Even if your bracket is busted, Betonline has more ways to stay in on the action with a free Sweet 16 bracket and live betting on every remaining tournament game. So with the largest selection and odds on everything from College Basketball to NBA to MLB, NHL and MMA, even golf, BetOnline continues to be your number one sports betting source. From every Cinderella story to every hat trick, Betonline has you covered with odds, stats and more for every game, every play and every win. Remember, Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform. Bet online. The game starts here. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Sam Tripoli]

Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Adam Carolla]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump Run Forest, Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Sam Tripoli. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now he doesn't have a tinfoil hat, but he does have Brillo hair. Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Get it on. Got to get on the church. I got a mandate. Get it on. Thanks for sharing. We love that about you. Sam Tripoli back in studio.

[Sam Tripoli]

Good to be here. I like this. I like this duo here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's nice. Conspiracy social club. Other way. By the way, AKA Deep watch. You and Brian Callan doing that podcast, Tinfoil Hat. Sam, also very skilled stand up. He's got dates all over the place.

[Sam Tripoli]

All over the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Sam tripoli.com I'm here to tell you the guy's a great stand up. I saw him do 22 minutes of a five minute set at the comic store as I stood behind the curtain. I'm sorry, but it was all entertaining. It was all good stuff.

[Sam Tripoli]

Thank you for doing my show. I appreciate it. I love you, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Who are the guys smoking out in the green room?

[Sam Tripoli]

It's our sponsors, Absolute Extract.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa.

[Sam Tripoli]

Do you smoke Weed at all.

[Adam Carolla]

I will. And I have. Okay, but I don't think I may smoke before I go on stage, guy.

[Sam Tripoli]

I get that.

[Adam Carolla]

I just, you know, I'm sort of. I realize, like, one drink is sometimes good. It's never really. It never makes you better. It's just a kind of a. Like, don't you feel better after a bath or something? You know, like a little. Little. Little relax or something? Two, three drinks and they start to affect your game a little bit. And, you know, I think weed would affect my game.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not good on weed. I not good on cocaine either. Was okay. I did once on speed. That went good. And I was just like, I never need to do this again. This is going to destroy my career. But, yeah, you know, I was crippling alcoholic. I'm convinced that the reason they stopped giving free drinks for a while to comedians is because I was setting high scores over there and just like, having to have a couple shots of Jack before it could even get going. But I appreciate you doing. They were a fun crowd. And you crushed.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thanks. It was fun. It was a great lineup, too. All right, so stuff to talk about.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, there's a lot. I haven't been here in a while, and there's a lot to go over.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll reign. We'll do everything from the deep state to the government to the benign.

[Sam Tripoli]

Well, I mean, like, I know you have things you want to talk about, but I really want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what do you want to talk about?

[Sam Tripoli]

Well, I want to. I don't. I don't want to. I'm sorry, but I'm dying to talk to you about the fires and, like, the fact that, like, this town is so emotionally and spiritually captured outside of your. Your tweets. I don't see anyone calling for anyone's heads.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think you could file the fires under the bullet train to nowhere, under the homeless population, under the school's failing, under Covid. It's all under Covid, which is the people who voted for these people made candles out of these people and worship. These people are gonna have to go find a fucking mirror. And when they find that mirror, I'll serve you up a nice plate of humble pie, and you don't wanna eat it. And so everyone keeps going like, well, I don't get it. Why isn't CNN or even ABC or even anyone just talking about lab leak origins or how distancing doesn't work or how masks don or how the shot may be Bad for you. And I'm saying. Because they're reporting on themselves.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not reporting on Fauci and Wuhan Labs or reporting on them, because there's 2,000 hours of them yelling at you through a camera lens about shit they were wrong about. And every fucker in LA and in California who voted for the wrong people that caused all this stuff, it's a referendum. It's not a referendum on Newsom. It's a referendum on them who bought into this shit and ruined their state.

[Dawson]

Oh, man, now you got them talking politics, right?

[Sam Tripoli]

The most interesting thing, guys, that I've found is forever conspiracy theorists were talking about the programming by the media, right? And I think this Tesla program protest is a. Is a validation of that, because if you see who is actually protesting, it is over, like, over 50, but really over 60. And the super progressive, which are the only people still watching MSNBC and cnn, nobody else is watching. And you don't see them at these protest.

[Adam Carolla]

Old hippies are sadder than old porn stars. Like, you know, you see the chick and you tell she's got the C section, so she's wearing the thing around her belly. Tits are sagging. You're kind of like, oh, man, what the fuck? I feel that way about old. Like, bald dudes are still trying to cobble together a ponytail and shit. You know what I mean? And it's just, you go, okay, that shit ain't. You're not.

[Sam Tripoli]

And it seems to be that, like, over time, whatever, like, movement, like, if you were a yuppie back in the day, like, or even a hit a hippie back in the day, you know, you. You know, they're the ones who just totally embrace the 80s. Like, greed is good, right? They went from free love to, like, taking, you know, moving jobs out of the country. And now you're kind of seeing this right now with these people who were like, in my day, the op, the liberal was like, live and let live. And now it seems to be like, no, you don't. It's this thing I'm.

[Dawson]

You don't live that way.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, it's this thing I'm getting into. Like, you know, the thing I learned from Twitter is that there's good fascism, bad fascism, right? And the good fascism is when fascism is used against the people you don't. Like, you're willing to compromise your principles for the government and the corporations to take away your rights. The bad fascism is when they go after your people. Now that all the government fascism, it's like, it's all bad fascism. There's no good fascism. But people are willing to compromise and flip flop and do mental gymnastics on everything when. When they're going after people they don't like.

[Adam Carolla]

But when? When did these young idealistic college students putting daisies into the barrels of the guys holding the rifles from the army at Kent State? When did they become 71 year old crazy fucking dingbats and white and completely willing to waste a day just standing on a street corner holding up a sign. By the way, some of the weakest signs I've ever seen in my life.

[Sam Tripoli]

Not bad. I've seen artistic people. They're not creative.

[Adam Carolla]

I've definitely seen homeless guys with better formed signs. One person was holding a sign. I wrote it down, which is so funny because it is a lot of Musk is a Nazi and a lot of Nazi stuff, which is always weird. But this one said, elon is inept. And I thought, well, listen, you can call him a whole bunch of shit, a whole bunch of shit, but inept is a weird one from a guy who just sent up a module to save a bunch of astronauts. Listen, I come from inept people. Let me show you what inept. Let me exhibit A. Jim Carolla. He's on the sofa. Like, I'll show you what inept is. That's not inept. You could say evil. You say maniacal, diabolical hilarion. Inept is a weird. You're standing in front of a dealership of cars he invented. How many cars you invent, bitch? Then shut the fuck up. You're 61 years old and still renting.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So maybe inept, maybe you should turn that sign around.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I'm inept.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe you. You took an Uber here because you don't have a car that runs like in app. That's the, that's the craziest one.

[Sam Tripoli]

I love Bill Burr. I think he's probably one of the top 10 comics of all time. And when he's right, he's really right. But his rant about, you know, he got the whole. The LA is doing a great job with the fires. He got that wrong. But his like Nazi rant was like, really weird to me because, like the whole side that's calling Elon Musk, Elon Musk and Nazi were the same people demanding we fund the Ukraine where we're sending literal guns and money to Nazis. Like, not just like, hey, you're a meanie. Like, hey, dude, look at this swastika I tattooed on my chest, right? Like, like, look at My, look at all my, like these iron ons. Yeah, all, all. Sss. It's, it's. We're really in this mental gymnastics moment of just society and I. It's done on purpose to get people not to know if they're coming or going.

[Adam Carolla]

Well I was thinking about that as it pertained to the whole what is a woman and what's a man? And can you say what a woman is? And you have 65 year old Democrats who can't say what a woman is. And to me that's just to confuse which is once if we've got a society that is distilled down to we cannot differentiate between a male and a female of our species, then everything is on the table. Everyone's confused all the time. And we're now arguing over anything because this is the most basic mandate biological piece of nature that there is like the very base of existence of humanity and all of nature is male and female and monkeys, polar bears, human beings. If that's up for debate then everything is on the table. There's nothing that's not on the table that we cannot disagree about or argue with if that's what it is. And I think, I think part of that is a, part of it is a weird psychops or psyops where it's like are we just going to argue about everything because we can't, we can never move forward. Is that what's going on?

[Sam Tripoli]

It's just really weird because like they don't know what a woman is until it comes to reproductive rights and then they're really clear on what a woman is. And it's again going into this mental gymnastics of being flip flopping on everything and not really having any base core of beliefs, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And then so what is the end game which I keep saying to like Dr. Drew, like is it nihilism? Like is it everything must come down and just be turned to dust? Or is it they have a way that's gonna work except where they don't offer that way, you know what I mean? It's sort of. So it's sort of this, okay, let's just say you got your wife, right? And you go look, the garage is such a mess, I can't even pull the car into it. I think I saw a rat run out of there when I opened the door. There's squirrels in the house.

[Sam Tripoli]

Have you been in my house?

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't we, you say to your wife, you go, why don't we just this weekend we'll just clear out the garage Me and you just take care of the garage. And she goes, you know, look, Sam, I want the garage cleared out as much as anybody who wouldn't want a clean and tidy garage. As a matter of fact, we all deserve a tie garage. But you and I doing it this weekend is not the way. Not the way to do this. And you go, oh, okay, well, why don't we hire, like, one of those crews that shows up with a drunk truck or whatever, and we'll get them to come this weekend. Look, you understand nobody wants a clean garage as much as me. Having strangers show up at our home in a flatbed, that is not the way to do it. And I worry about our children, and I have a lot of concerns. And then you go, okay, all right, all right. How about we hire your brother? He's not working. He's not working. He could come this weekend. He drives a van. Listen, you know, I want that garage clean, Sam, but let me tell you why Fred is not gonna. And at some point, you go, maybe you don't want a clean garage. Maybe. Maybe you just don't want a clean garage. Like, I. I think that's what you did with the border. Like, we kept saying stuff and you kept going, I want a safe and secure border as much as that, but here's what we gotta do. I'm starting to just think these are things you want. Is that. Is that what's going on?

[Dawson]

Karen Bass gives a hell of a blowjob.

[Sam Tripoli]

You know? Well, I mean, the truth of the matter is, and I've been saying this forever, we've let the barbarians in the gate. The Bolsheviks are here, and this is what they do. You can't attack America from the outside. You'll go back in body bags. So you have to slowly but surely subvert everything. And that's what they're doing. And there's. You know, it's like I had a rant on the fires, and some guy nerd with glasses came on and was commented. He's like, this guy will blame everything but climate change. I go, bro, literally everything that climate scientists have told you over the decades, not one of them have come true. Not one of them. At what point do you realize you're being played? But they don't care because they're at a certain economic level. Up until the fires, they really feel any of the consequences of their voting. And they've just let you know, Trudeau, Gavin Newsom, Karen Bass, they're all the same person. Lie to your face. Why? They burn everything to the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't. Look, they don't believe in climate change. They don't see that. I know they don't believe their own shit, because if Gavin Newsom believed in any of the COVID shit he was talking about, he wouldn't have gone to the French Laundry. They don't let their kids go to your shitty public schools that you guys love so much. You would never let your fucking kids get vaccinated.

[Sam Tripoli]

Bill Gates famously didn't get. Doesn't get his kids vaccinated, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So they don't believe in this shit. I'll tell you the number one thing in Malibu. All the folks that live in Malibu are all the fucking climate changers. You buy a house on One side of PCH, right on the ocean, it's 15 million bucks. You go up the hill where it's high and dry, it's 2 million bucks. You save 12, 13 million bucks by living on high ground. They spend an extra 15 million bucks to live on the thing they say is gonna envelop California and where it's gonna swallow us up. Why you fucking. Why you guys all live on the ocean? If the seas are rising and this is a threat, why does Leonardo DiCaprio have. Well, sorry, the Obamas, too. Why are you guys buying houses that are on the ocean if you keep telling us the ocean is going to rise and claim us all, why are you live up on the fucking hill with me?

[Sam Tripoli]

And it's guns is the. It's like Gavin Newsom wants to get rid of all the guns, except for all of his bodyguards. They're allowed to have guns.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say this on a comical note. In Malibu, Hunter Biden's house burned down. And if you got hold of one of Hunter Biden's friends, like, five, eight years ago and go, hunter Biden's house is gonna burn down. Now, is it A, wildfire or B, he passed out with a whore smoking a crack pipe. Oh, 100%. 100%. He had fucking. Guy falls asleep every night with a lit crack pipe on his belly. He's fucking. Nope. Ironic that it's a wildfire that got that guy.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. Again, it's like, you know what you say and what you do. Two totally different things.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's an interesting thought I had. I was thinking about our bullet train in California from. From Bakersfield to Merced or whatever. And Newsom was talking about with Bill Maher had no answers, just circle, extra salad, like a matrix.

[Sam Tripoli]

He got worse, man.

[Dawson]

Klamar let him off the hook. Like, giggled about it.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

We need another 7 billion to keep it going. I don't even know where Mercedes is. I'll get into that. But I will tell you this as a metaphor. When you think about. And I went back and I looked at. The golden spike was driven in Utah for the transcontinental railroad in 1869. 1869, like probably somewhere around 1857 or 1861, somebody proclaimed we need to make a railroad from New York to Venice Beach, California. And we got all the way across the country and all we got is donkeys and Chinamen and fucking all there is is mountains. All there is is mountains. And all we got is tnt, donkeys and China, Chinese guys, let's do it. And fucking seven years later they connected. That's what they did. That's what they did. Now we're on year 21 of a six mile stretch that's nowhere near done. That cost hundreds of million billions of dollars. Right. But I thought as a metaphor for a state or a country or just, just as a metaphor for a state. We cannot build a railroad. When someone goes, we cannot build a railroad. I'll go, okay, you guys are third world, then you don't know what the fuck you're doing.

[Sam Tripoli]

Third world, third world people can get shit done.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they can get shit done. We. If you can't build a railroad in your country, then it's basically like you saying to me, I'm in fantastic shape. You are. I'm fantastic. How's your upper body? Strong's fucking ox. How many push ups can you do? Okay, let's not get into that. Yeah, it's like, well, how many push ups? Two. Okay, then you're not. No, I'm in fantastic shape. But you can all. Yeah, that's push ups, but other than that I'm in fat. It's like. You are not.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you cannot not build a railroad, your fucking state is, or your country or your town is shit. If you railroad is the push up of society. It's just you train all different guys. I don't care what your hack squad is or whatever. If you can't fucking rattle off 30 push ups and don't tell me you're in good shape. You're, you're not, you're just. I am too, but you're not, you're just not in good shape. If you can't do that. If you cannot build a railroad. It's the punt, pass and kick competition of a state. If you cannot build a railroad, then your state is corrupt. Or inept, or it's overregulated or it's over union. Like, whatever it is, it's not working because the rail, you can talk about schools and you can talk about homeless, you know, about all these things and they all count, but the railroad is really just the one. Like, like when they go, that railroad was done under time and under budget. And their bullet trains are real bullet train, it goes 200 kilometers an hour. You go, okay, that's a fucking society. Yeah, that's a society. We can't pull it off.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I totally agree. And whatever you think about Doge and what Elon Musk is doing, it seems like the biggest thing is just getting rid of all this, like, excess employees. This bloat that really don't do anything except for take a check.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. People are now getting into regulation. I've been screaming about it my whole life because I was a builder. And when you're a builder, you're right in the thick of regulation. Like all, so go get a permit, Go wait for your permit. Stupid insane stuff. Like, just codes that don't make sense. They're like nuisance codes and things of that nature. And just now kind of Bill Maher and Jon Stewart are kind of waking up to like all this strangling regulation that these process people put into place. That's all they do justify their jobs. You know, it's a weird, it's kind of a. It's a thing where I always go, look, you elect the LA City Council, it's just a bunch of dumb chicks. And you elect them and you go, what's our job? Like, we make rules. All right, what do beavers do? They build dams. You know what, if you put a beaver on the roof of the Empire State Building, he build a dam. Yeah, they're just doing what they do.

[Sam Tripoli]

We get the only beavers that can't build shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they just, they just do what they do, which is we make rules. And they just sit here all day and make rules. And it's that you don't really notice it until you get, get into the system. And then when you get into the system and they fuck you over 10 ways to Sunday, they you up badly and nothing comes out the other end. And then they don't. They realize, oh, we don't have any wifi or charging stations or whatever because they got so many rules. They're so regulated. We can't do. Where's all our low cost housing for the homeless? Like, we don't do that. Why we're so regulated that we can't do anything. And they go, but don't you want to be safe? It's like, yeah, I'd like a ground wire on the outlets so the house doesn't burn down. But you guys have gone so fucking far. It's stifling. And every rule you add adds another 500 bucks to the price of this low cost housing we're building. And that's why 1,500 square foot unit here is $1.3 million.

[Sam Tripoli]

I totally agree. And that's basically what Trump said to Karen Bass face in that press conference, right? It's like, you guys have too many regulations. These people want to come and clean up their house so they can start to rebuild. And she's like, we gotta make sure this, we gotta make sure that. And it's like, dude, it's safe. Yeah, it's just like safe. You're never gonna. Dude, if safe is more important than progress and production, that's where you're. And you know, I forget the name of the word for it. It starts with Korean, basically. But it is this, this thing that like the, communism does because when, when you go, who's the number one employer or who had the most job growth in California? You go the government. That's communism right there. That is public, that is party people. And that's basically what DI is now. It's a, it's a Russian term. It starts with Korean, I forgot how. The Korean Philadelphia or something like that. And it's basically like, like DAI is about positioning party loyalists all over the place. So then when you get to somewhere and you want to make progress all the way up is rot because they're all party.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I get it.

[Dawson]

I never thought about it that way. Huh. That's like a conspiracy is sprung on us right there. Yeah, yeah, you're right. If you get somebody in that spot, you know they're loyal to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I get it, I get all that. What I don't get is the cacophony of useless idiots, like the fucking 56 year old white chicks that are out screaming about Elon or Trump or who are playing into their hands because, oh, it's Curran. Sorry, Korean. Ninzasia.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's a crazy name. But that's it, dude. That's what they do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but I'm not. See, I get what these people are doing. Like, I understand what the politicians are doing and I understand what Maxine Waters is doing. Like they're hanging onto power, they're making money, they're in a Position of power. Whatever they're doing, what they're doing, they're basically doing when people say to my friend Mark Gergas all the time, I love Mark, Mark's great. But how can you defend this guy? He's a killer. It's like it's my job. I get what he's doing.

[Sam Tripoli]

And they have the right, you have.

[Adam Carolla]

To defend the worst in the world. And when he hires a ballistics expert, believe me, he agree with what Mark's side angle is on the story. That's fine. He does what he does. Who are all the 56 year old white chicks that support that shit and don't see what's going on?

[Dawson]

They're unwanted. They're unwanted from the other side. They're cling to this side. They've raised up in this liberal sort of echo chamber. Everybody picks a team at some point.

[Sam Tripoli]

And so many of them don't have kids. It's like that. They say once you have children you tend to come a little more conservative. But we're having this giant, especially right now. There was a story, it was on Patrick bet David about how women are opting out of marriage now, which is a horrible thing. They had that. I forget her name. The new singer, she, you know, it remind me very much of a statement Jennifer Aniston made at the height of her popularity where she's just along the lines of like, I don't need kids, I don't, I don't need to have a man in my life. And you're like, you're telling women literally the worst advice that goes against their.

[Adam Carolla]

Biology, by the way. Chapel Roan. And listen, I don't know Chapel Roan. But I'll tell you, there's something. Leave it up there. Thank you. I'm talking about the person that's on the screen. So you can leave it up there. You don't have to take it off. As previously discussed 4,000 times, Chapel Roan. Especially if they have a weird name because I may forget. There's a horrible disservice that has been a horrible joke that's been played upon kind of homely women and especially women that have masculine features. Especially women in Hollywood, which is since the he she thing is now on the table, that if you're just a chick that's a little bit homely, I will go, is that a dude? Is that a dude? Which is the worst thing you can hear if you weren't a dude. It's basically worse than. Are you pregnant? No, I'm not. I just Lie. I'm a big eater.

[Sam Tripoli]

I made that mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but I'm saying, don't you think. Were you a dude? Is a much bigger slap in the face to a chick than. Are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? You can do something about? Just put down the fucking corn muffin, bitch, and hit the trail. You know what I mean? Like, I could correct are you pregnant in five weeks? If I'm a chick, I just go fucking keto, paleo. Whatever. I'll work it out. Were you a dude? That's a hard one to fix.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's a hard sell.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's now on the table since half the fucking people in Hollywood were formerly something else. And Chapel Roan has a. Was that a dude?

[Sam Tripoli]

Very much. Strong chin line.

[Adam Carolla]

They're just mayhem. Miller.

[Sam Tripoli]

Chin.

[Dawson]

A little wood.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. Hey, that's a low bar for me, though.

[Adam Carolla]

But she. I'll tell you why I think she's a bitch. Just because she was doing this podcast and I heard her. I saw it on tmz and she overheard girls talking about her when she was in high school and, like, in line at the cafeteria or something. And she does the thing that. It's a unique chick thing where she goes, the girl said I was pretty, but I wasn't hot. And then she goes, can you believe she got pissed off? And I'm like, bitch, take pretty and fucking run at this point.

[Dawson]

Take pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

Run.

[Sam Tripoli]

Run.

[Adam Carolla]

Run with that. Run with that shit right there. Like, take like. It's like the dealer's showing a four and you got 19. Just no hit. Don't hit on pretty. That fucking pitch just gave you pretty. I thought you were dumb, dude. You got pretty. You know where you're getting hot. So take pretty and run. But she was pissed at them for not saying she was hot, which, by the way, I could argue I'd rather my daughter be pretty than hot. Really?

[Sam Tripoli]

Honestly, that's a whole bunch of trouble.

[Adam Carolla]

Hot take. Hot's a calorie burner.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's other things that go along with hot.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, yeah. Get a gun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. You get star aided when you're hot.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're pretty, you just get nice hair.

[Sam Tripoli]

They've done studies that, like, when they say, like, average looking people tend to be happier.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm miserable. I don't know if you can find that clip. I do want to do. I want to do a little test with you, Sam.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll get into all this stuff later with the news, but I realized That I have a lot of thoughts about tomatoes. Okay? I don't like all the little grape tomatoes and miniature. I don't like all the fancy names. All the colors are still hard and. And the skin's thick. And everyone's fucking swapped them out for the beefsteak tomato, which is the best. Roma's good. But here's what I'm saying. If you said to me. If you said to most Americans, do you like Brussels sprouts? Some would go, yeah, I like Brussels sprouts. And then some would go, no, I don't like Brussels sprouts. But that would be the end of the conversation. There wouldn't be a lot of caveats and rules attached to the brussels sprouts. It'd be, Adam, do you like Liverpool? No, I don't. Do you like avocados? Yes, I do. Oh, so do you like guacamole? Yeah. Would you like avocado toast? Yes, I would. Would you like avocado? I like avocados. Tomato comes with rules. Comes with rules. Everybody's got the. I like. I don't like cooked tomatoes. I like fresh tomato, but not on a burger. I don't want it on a burger. I'll take it on a salad, everyone. So I'm sitting around my girlfriend. We're gonna go see my daughter. She's making her all kinds of food because she's nice, and she says, does Natalia like tomatoes? And I go, she's a chick. She says, she's got a lot of tomato rules, you know? And I don't care. So I'm not really. I don't carry around, like, a laminated cheat sheet to figure out where you're at with tomatoes. Because women are like, I don't like tomatoes. I like pasta sauce. I'll do pasta sauce. I don't like. Okay, that's mashed. Look, tomatoes. That's just tomatoes, Okay? I like pizza. I like a red. Okay, I'll take it on a. I don't want it on it. I like cooked. I don't like uncooked. I don't like this. I go, I can't remember all the tomato preferences and rules. And nobody has them. They don't have it around pears. They don't have around carrots. They don't have it around anything. But tomatoes. Rules.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's so funny.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like. And they'll go, I love tomatoes. And you go, okay, well, let's get an omelet. We'll put some tomatoes. Not. Not in the omelette, not on the burger. Not on the burger. Not hot. I don't like. Oh, cook. No. Not fresh. No. Fucking knock it off. Do you like tomatoes or not? So she goes, does your daughter like tomatoes? And I go, oh, God, lots of tomato rules. I can hear all the machinations, Adam.

[Sam Tripoli]

Tomato, tomato people.

[Adam Carolla]

And my girlfriend has a laundry list of tomato rules, too. So I'm trying to worry if I'm cross pollinating her tomato rules with my daughter's tomato Chicks got tomato rules. I have zero tomato rules because I like tomato. So I don't know. Put them in the pasta sauce, put them on the pizza, put them in the omelet, put them on the salad. Same with avocado. I don't say same with broccolini. I just. I like. Or I don't like. I don't. Well, I don't like calves, like liver. How about on a salad? Oh, that's different. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. I don't. I don't like it. So then she goes, she liked the tomatoes. I go, okay, let me see if I can get this straight. She. She likes. Hold on. She likes. Wait, she doesn't like them cooked. That's you. You don't like them. Wait, do you like them? No. You don't like them raw? Okay, she likes them sometimes cook, but likes tomato sauce, but doesn't like. Like tomato. I don't know. They put the fucking tomato on the side. Then of course we get their daughter. I go, do you like tomato? I don't really like tomato. I like tomato and eggs. Like, okay, yeah. What's with the tomato rules? I think it's a chick thing.

[Sam Tripoli]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always a habit. It's always not a chick thing. It's always a chick thing. But what are the tomato rules inside this building right now? Now do what? Where are we, Dawson, you got to have tomato rules.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love tomatoes.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. All right, dude. Very, dude. Very dude of you. Any tomato rules?

[Sam Tripoli]

I love tomatoes. When I eat salad, I eat the tomatoes alone. By themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. You love tomatoes.

[Sam Tripoli]

I eat them all. And then I'll sit there, and then I'll eat the tomatoes.

[Adam Carolla]

I love tomatoes.

[Dawson]

I just like to make an announcement to the studio. Whoever is getting my salad, if I have another grape tomato, I will drown you in the toilet.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, my tomato rule is, somebody 10 minutes ago made these little miniature buckshot tomatoes that taste like they're all skin and chew, and I don't want you subbing out my beef steak tomato for these little cyanide Capsules. That's it. That's my. But that started 10 minutes ago. That's not on me.

[Sam Tripoli]

Sub tomatoes, like pugs should not exist.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they can barely breathe. Yeah, I know. You're right. Like, this is some inbred shit. Well, yeah, Back in the day, it used to be good for a fox hunt or something. Now they can barely get out of their basket without falling over. You've bred them. They look amazing.

[Sam Tripoli]

I have a pug. I love it to death. I'll never have another pug.

[Adam Carolla]

That pug off my salad.

[Sam Tripoli]

I love my pug. I love my pug.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we have a chapel Roan? Chapel route. Chapel roan talked about hot to go. All right, sorry. Pause it there for a second. I'm sorry, but if somebody said, this is a dude who's now a performance artist or something, I'd go, yeah, okay.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I've been saying this about trans forever. They're. They're getting, like, iPhones. They're just getting slicker and slicker. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

You really have to, like, do some math on if this is or not. I mean. Mean, the ones that look like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, all right, so sorry. The impetus for writing it, when she was in high school, there were these girls who were talking about her. They're like, she's not hot, but she's pretty. She was like, I hated being called pretty and not hot. There's a difference. Would you rather be pretty or hot? Pretty.

[Sam Tripoli]

Every girl would rather be hot.

[Adam Carolla]

One thing's for sure, you don't want to say you've got a great personality. All right? She. She's pissed. Cause somebody. She overheard somebody call. Like, I remember once in high school dudes, I overheard them calling me handsome, but they didn't say I was an Adonis. So I got fucking rip. Shit pissed, man. Like, fuck that with your handsome.

[Sam Tripoli]

Women are just enigmas, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what it is? I realize they're all hair triggered and ready to be annoyed. They can be annoyed by anything. You could be annoyed that somebody called you pretty in high school. Girls, the most catty human beings on the planet who hate all of the competition and hate each other. They're like birds. When the bird sees itself in the mirror and starts attacking its own reflection, they fucking hate each. That's what they call women birds. The point is, you overheard someone calling you pretty, that can't annoy you.

[Sam Tripoli]

You should be okay. Women are like center. They're just sports. They take an event and they just analyze it to death. They have a million angles of It. They have talking heads coming in their head breaking down. What happened? Yeah, I. You know, when women go, what do you think? And men say nothing. We literally are thinking nothing. We're just kind of just waiting to the next chore we have to do or going back to work it is too. And it goes to me, it goes back to the most basic hunting gathering. Like, if you want. If you're a hunter and you laugh or fart or do something, you could run off the prey, but women were back in the village.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Scaring all the prey away, just overanalyzing, breaking everything.

[Sam Tripoli]

And it just. It. Fast forward to today. They have the same wiring. They overanalyze every moment of everything. Nothing is a yes or no. Black and white. It's just deep, deep dives into everything.

[Adam Carolla]

There's also a weird. And I realize we're kind of doomed because we get enough of what I call chick think since we let them vote. Yeah, everyone hates my chick think speech. But here's what I'm. Here's what my chick dink speech. Now, listen, I do the caveat. Gavin Newsom thinks like a chick. That's a problem. He's a dude, but he thinks like a chick, and that's an issue. Okay? But if you think this way, then we're fucked when it comes to anything to do with running the city or the state. There was a woman who had a small business in the town I used to live in, and she was like a beautician, and she did waxings and facials and blah, blah, blah. And she was a nice woman. And I said. I was talking to her one day, and she said, well, I think I'm going to have to move out of here. Out of this little location that she built out and everything. She's a businesswoman. She built a small business for herself. She was nice and educated and stuff. She goes, mark Garagos is her landlord. And he goes, he wants to raise my rent. And I'll fudge around the numbers because I don't remember exactly, but he wants to raise the rent from like seven grand a month to 7,500amonth or some amount. And she goes, it's not fair. It's not fair. It's too much. It's not fair. I said, oh, well, when's the last time he raised her rent? She goes, oh, he's never raised the rent. I go, how long? You've been here a while, haven't you? He goes, I've been here eight years, and he's never raised the rent. He goes, no. I go, well, what does the contract say? What's the lease say? How much can he raise the rent? Well, it says he can go up 3% a year. I go, okay, 3% a year. And you've been here for eight years. And he hasn't raised it in eight years. And now he. He raised it 500 bucks. But according to my calculations, he could have raised it 1,100 bucks, because eight years, we've just gone up 3% every eight years. That's where you'd be at. And then also, you didn't have to pay that money for the last eight years. So I don't know. I think it's less than what the lease stipulates. And she goes, it's just not fair. And I go, oh, you've lost. You don't know how to. You've lost your ability to throw think. And now we're fucked. Because if you're in charge of COVID then we're fucked.

[Sam Tripoli]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you're not using correctly. I said her two times. I go, listen, if he just raised it what the lease had stipulated each year for the last eight years, you'd be well over the number you're at now, and you didn't have to pay it for those years. He's like, it's not fair. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I don't know how we deal with.

[Sam Tripoli]

Deal with it. That is literally why we in society where we are the. The theory of hate. And I wouldn't say raising Ray is hate, but along the lines of not liking. The theory of not liking some. The theory of hate is. Is more dangerous than real street consequences. Right. It's like that guy in Philadelphia where the black gentleman walked past the couple, and because he didn't want to be seen as racist, he wouldn't cross the street. So he walks right by this black guy with his girlfriend or his wife. I think she's. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. So the black guy walks and then comes back and stabs him to death. The girl just sits there, does nothing, and refuses to give a description of the assailant because she doesn't want to feed into racial stereotypes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's.

[Sam Tripoli]

The theory of something is worse. And I bet you if Mark had actually filed a contract and went up 3% every year, she wouldn't even care.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Sam Tripoli]

It's the big jump.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, oh, no, it's true. It's getting frustrating. It was the jump. You could have boiled the frog if you put him in when the water was Cold, but it went hot. But the fact that she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that she was getting a break from what it could be and that she got a break from paying it all for the last eight years is the part. And this is a educated small business owner, sober person who runs a business. Now you get to Maxine Waters and now you're complete fucking Aunt Esther from San Francisco. But it's not fair. Not fair, right.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, she. I mean, like, if you've been in Washington D. C. Long enough, you have no clue how the real world works.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Tripoli]

Your whole understanding is politics. And politics is dirty and it's not logical. And your whole thing is like, the people that give you money, money, you're subservient to them. And that's all really matters.

[Dawson]

That's why I don't go out there. That's why I'm in these streets.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, that's why you're in the streets, dude. Real world consequences are more important than the theory of. Of hate.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the other thing I wanted to talk about, it's just driving me nuts. It's happened to me a few times, which is I was. I did a show in Beverly Hills last. I don't know, Thursday or something. And I had to drive through Coldwater Canyon and somebody told me. And I can't remember who I was interviewing, but it's now stuck in my head. And I realize it. I'm the best passenger of all time. I mean, Mike August drives and we're on the road. He's the only guy I know who insists on shifting an automatic car. He's so. He's so aggressive that he grabs the automatic shift and is throwing it between third and low and then back up into drive and then crankshaft. I'm like, mike, let the fucking shifter alone. And then he's so fucking into it. It's a rental car. So I'm like, okay, do whatever the fuck you want. But at some point, he jumps into my car and I go, mike, get your fucking hands. I don't want to blow up the transmission. Speed racer crazy. He shifts an automatic car. Yeah.

[Dawson]

You guys never done it? It's pretty fun.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean.

[Sam Tripoli]

I mean, I used to run stick.

[Dawson]

You running a rental car, man.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's all. He's giving me. The only thing gives me anxiety is I think he's going to drop it into reverse. When we're going 16, the transmission's going to grenade.

[Dawson]

You know, I've been there, bud.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm like, okay. Dude, okay. But he drives like a man. Maniac. He drives like a maniac. And I just sit there, passenger seat, like a rag doll. I don't care. I don't care.

[Dawson]

I should call me.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll have close misses come. He doesn't signal. He said, pulling e brakes, going, starsky and Hutch, slaps a siren on the roof. You know, we go downtown, we talk to Huggy Bear. We peel off a couple of twenties. We get the dope. We get the inside info. So I said to Mike down there, I said, am I the greatest passenger you've ever had in your life? He goes, oh, man, you're the best. My wife's the worst. You're the could sit there while I go nuts. I go, that's right. Because I like going fast. So I have a race car. I drive race cars. I have a racing license. But something stuck in my head. I can't remember who told me, but they said, Danica Patrick has anxiety when she's going slow. And then I realized I have this. When I'm sitting at a light and the person's not turning, and it's on the red light, I'm going, you can turn. And I'm like, four. And I'm like. I'm going, go ahead. And I'm like, I can sit with Mike with zero anxiety, weaving in and out of traffic on roads unknown, by the way, we're out on the road. He's like. He's looking at his phone. He's got one hand on his phone, the other side of the stick shift. He's steering the fucking car with his dick. We're weaving in and out of traffic. We're gonna crash where we get to the gig, you know, And I don't care. I'm just sitting there. But you hold me up at a red light, and the anxiety starts pouring out, out. I got to go through Coldwater Canyon. There are people who drive through the canyons of this town we're in that act like they've never driven a car in their life. Like, I checked the speedometer the whole time. We got to 11 miles an hour on many of the turns, like it says 35. They just literally come to a stop. I want to get out of my car and run out and bang on the rear window, and I'm going out of my mind. But I'm also up their ass, and I'm driving a big suv, and it's at night, and at some point when they're just fucking crawling, like, just all. All the way from the very base of Coldwater till it spills out in Beverly Hills, just crawling. I'm flipping the high beams and I'm up their ass, and my whole thing is just pull over. You don't want to drive, Are you. Why do you want me up your ass? I'm up your. I'm going to a gig. You are going to, I don't know, bury your father. I don't know where you're going. You're getting an AIDS test.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, where are you going that you don't want to be there? I'm. I'm going to a place where I.

[Dawson]

Have to be there.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm running a little bit late. And I'm up your ass. I'm three feet. Listen, if you shouldn't listen to Kenny.

[Dawson]

Loggins the whole way over Coldwater Canyon.

[Adam Carolla]

Pump the dangers.

[Sam Tripoli]

How many times you've been on, like, the highway and it's, you know, who causes traffic? You know? Yeah. You know, causes traffic. Defensive drivers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's who.

[Sam Tripoli]

I can't tell you how many times I've been on the 405 and I'm just like, slowly weaving somehow. And I get to the front and the four or five lane highway. Five defensive drivers, right? Everyone's going all just like linemen in the NFL, blocking.

[Adam Carolla]

I always. I always say, waiting for the pace car to pull off, like, that's their parade lap. Grid up, grid up. When that face. When the pace car pulls up, look for the green flag. It's a rolling start. Like, they're all just going fucking 47 miles an hour. And I've always said, do you guys know each other? Like, what the fuck is going on here? But what I don't get with this individual in the canyon is I will drive. The one thing about doing race car driving is you get very comfortable with being very close to other cars at high speeds. You're not bothered physically even touching other cars.

[Sam Tripoli]

I call that Detroit. I was just in Detroit. They just. They're getting you pregnant. That's how.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how they drive right up the tailpipe. So I'm literally. Well, first off, we're going 11 miles an hour, so I'm pretty confident I'm good here. But I'm. I'm two and a half feet behind the person and I'm flipping the high beams the whole time. They do not modify or change their driving speed. I don't get the finger. I don't get anything. I just get. I'm going 11 miles an hour. And my thing is, like, they're plenty. There's ample space just to. I got a wagon train of fucking cars behind me. Just fucking slide over this. Let them go. Like, like, you know what I'm saying? Like. Like, if I'm at the Atmosphere and there's some guy behind me going, come on, come on, come on, come on. The bail bonds place closes in 10 minutes. I'm going, oh, what was my ATM again? And I'm on the phone. Like, at some point, I just go, go ahead. I'll just stand, I'll slide over here. Like, they'll do it once in a while at the airport or wherever you're in the line. Like, someone will have too much business to do checking into a hotel or something, and the person, the human being will go, you know what? Just. You go. I. I got to figure something out over here. Like, fine, just go. We're in a hurry. You don't know how to drive. Slide over. There's no harm, there's no shame. You're not in a hurry to go anywhere, obviously. Just. Why all the pressure? Well, you really want me three feet away with the high beams.

[Sam Tripoli]

It's almost society, too. It's like at some point we, like, stopped demanding that everyone keep up with us and we started catering to the, like, yes, the. The slow, the weak, and all that stuff. And it's like, no, you keep up with us. Like, the whole point of, like, your grandparents was to get to the next level economically, not to, like, be like, no, come down to my economic level.

[Adam Carolla]

Every time I see that giant pneumatic swing arm chair at the pool, at the hotel for the handicap, I think, get rid of that shit. There could be a fucking diving board there, and we could be creating our next division of handicapped people with this diving board. I've never seen anyone sitting it. I've never seen anyone use it. It cost a hotel six grand. They pass that along to us. Get rid of it. If you're fucking a cripple, you can't go in the fucking pool to Marriott. Tough shit. We'll hose you down in the tub.

[Sam Tripoli]

If you're fucking a cripple, I'll watch. Yeah, it's. This is where society starts to go bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Should we have pool, handicap ramp lamps, like a wet, dry wheelchair? Like, I was just like, see a guy just roll it right in.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Dawson]

Just a shallow start and shuck them.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd watch the. Out of you. Rolling into a. Into a wet dry.

[Sam Tripoli]

That would be my algorithm. At some point, just like Wheelchair people in the water, live or die, sink or swim.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, that big old weird chair. Yeah, it's always rusting out. It's clearly never been used. Somebody paid a shitload to install that chair. And I've never seen a family with, like, a quad trying to get their dad into the chair. I'm just saying, when you've lost the use of your limbs, how enjoyable is the pool? Well, I mean, you're really just there to drown at that point.

[Dawson]

You're putting floaties on them, but you're not enjoying it.

[Sam Tripoli]

Can they feel? I mean, if you can't use your limb, can you still feel?

[Dawson]

Guys, it's for a whole.

[Sam Tripoli]

Feel it.

[Adam Carolla]

When your fucking head goes under and your lungs fill with pool water that you could feel. Well, what I'm saying is I get the Jacuzzi. Let's just say you're quad, okay? You want to use a Jacuzzi. Maybe you have sensation in your chest or lower extremities. I don't know. It's a good point. Can you feel? Can I put a cigarette out on your thigh? Would you wake up? I'm gonna. But here's the thing. There's nothing in the pool. The chair is not over the Jacuzzi. It's over the pool. What's in it? The water's lukewarm. It's not a Jacuzzi. It's not the temp. The kids go in the pool to play. Adults go in the pool to, like, drink. Some go into swim laps, exercise. There's volleyball. You're out on Marco Polo. I know where you are. You know what I mean? You would lose every game. Get out of water, gimp. Out of water?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. What's in it for you with the pool other than drowning and freaking everyone out? Your family?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, he's got to sit next to you and watch. You see brown water comes shooting out of.

[Sam Tripoli]

And we have to deal with you. That was like Brian Kellen's great bit about how he always hates seeing wheelchair people in a. In a wedding photo because everyone has to deal with them and get around them. Yeah, that's pretty funny, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I. The pneumatic chair that lowers you into the water, I will take that at. I will take that on the Jacuzzi. Also, if you want to wheel yourself into a sauna, that's your business. You know, I mean, more room for me on the bench.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Never seen a wheelchair in a sauna.

[Sam Tripoli]

I've never seen a wheelchair.

[Dawson]

It gets up to 160 degrees. You burn your damn thighs.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, that. Dude, that wheelchair's got to get hot.

[Dawson]

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's probably metal.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah, it's a new resonance, like a convection oven. It's game over.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't they make a teak wheelchair? I'll come over with the ladle and dump water on your head every 20.

[Sam Tripoli]

Minutes, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I would comply. I would help you out.

[Sam Tripoli]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

I think if you're in a wheelchair, you could use. I. It would. It makes a lot more. Okay. I have never seen a wheelchair guy in the pool at the hotel. But the sauna would make sense. That guy needs to unwind more than any of us. He just spent an hour trying to get in a van. You know what I mean? For us, it was easy, you know what I'm saying? Like, him going to Costco is a two day. That's a. That's a two day pilgrimage for us. It's a couple hours, right?

[Sam Tripoli]

Nick depal has the best joke. He goes, why are there five handicap parking spots? I hate to tell everybody, five handicapped people are here. They're all coming in the same van.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, tell me what you think of this. I left a restaurant yesterday and I saw like 20, 25 fully loaded, murdered out Ford Raptor. But the fucking. It's a trophy truck. It's got 33 inches of travel and a supercharger on. It's badass. It's parked in the handicap caps.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's the craziest.

[Adam Carolla]

How's that, by the way? You need a step ladder to get into the cab of that car. That guy's in the hand. The fact that it's murdered out. It's all flat black. The windows are smoked. It's got the lift kit and the black rims and everything. I'm like, this is a trophy truck. Why?

[Sam Tripoli]

Real piece of. If you're driving that truck, I can't say it. When you see somebody in a handcap parking spot and they get out and they're like Bowflex shredded, right? And like, okay, maybe you got a mother or grandma that is old, so. But she's not in the car right now. You don't need to park there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. So never, never seen a guy in a wheelchair in a sauna or steam room or. Or the. Or the pool.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I've never seen him pool.

[Adam Carolla]

And it wouldn't take much to make the sauna handicap compliant. That would just take a fucking wedge of wood. You know, there's nothing. There's nothing. You just walk. You roll right into that shit. Right. It's just like a threshold, right? No po prom. They could access it. I think they should, but they don't do people in wheelchairs. Like, if you're quadriplegic, could you go experience asana the way we experience asana, or would it be dangerous?

[Dawson]

Be dangerous as hell. You can't get up and walk out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, you're wrong.

[Dawson]

Well, what you're talking like quad with like the stick in their mouth to like roll the wheelchair. I mean, first of all, the electronics not going to hold up in that sauna. I'm just telling you. So somebody has to come and bring them. They need an attendant the entire time. You ready for that? Responsibility Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if they got a whole pneumatic arm in front of the pool, they could do a sauna lift too.

[Dawson]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

I think those people would appreciate a son.

[Dawson]

No, you have to body lock them and drag them in there. That's the only way.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I mean, you. Dude, unless you got a plastic seat wheelchair, that thing's going to get hot melt.

[Adam Carolla]

They, they, they, they have something for everything. Like they, they gotta be some sort of maritime wheelchair or something. One that's safe for boats or something. You know, you make it out of stainless steel, you know, you figure it out. I don't know.

[Sam Tripoli]

Maybe there's a market. Maybe we're on to a new story.

[Adam Carolla]

You can make one out of teak, man. Teak is great. Sana wood.

[Sam Tripoli]

Just a wood one too.

[Dawson]

The float, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Take one you can take in the pool. You can float the pool thing. You could ride it right into the pool. Just jump it into the pool. Like when a polar bear jumps off the piece of ice there. Just boom.

[Sam Tripoli]

I wonder if they do that with like bubbles. It's like they have this bubble thing that. And then they like, if you want to go swim with sharks but you're paraplegic, they put you in a bubble and then the sharks play soccer with you the whole time. There's a part.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would watch that.

[Dawson]

Me too.

[Sam Tripoli]

I watched.

[Adam Carolla]

Has anyone ever seen a crippled person in a sauna? No.

[Sam Tripoli]

Let us know in the comments.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would think they would enjoy it, but I don't know what the sensation is.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And look up and see what that is like. Is it dangerous for them?

[Dawson]

I would look, they recommend you don't get in there if you have diarrhea or sweats. So I can't Imagine those say, oh, if you have no use of your limbs, then hop right in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, isn't it. It's always weird. Sonic conversations a little weird.

[Dawson]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's unclear what the etiquette is. Like, is this weird? When in doubt, I just adapt the my 90s porn section of the video store. That's the etiquette. Like, just keep walking, no eye contact, blinders on.

[Dawson]

Are you hitting on me that you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, there could be zero conversation.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, West Hollywood's worse because they start blowing each other. Yeah, I had that situ. I'm like. I was at crunch. I'm like, okay, time to go. A little bit too much of a show going on here.

[Adam Carolla]

You know the funny. I don't know why we used to do it on kroc, but Andrew, you can find it. Or, Dawson, you can find it. We did on the man show too. I think Jimmy just going. Jimmy used to do a bit. The best bits are the simplest bits.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

That's comedy. Right now, that's comedy. Just the basic. We used to record it and do it on KROC radio, but then we started doing it when we did the man show. You just go sit in a stall at a bathroom and wait for a guy to sit in the stall next to you, and you just sit there. And then at some point, you just go, how's it going? There'll always be like a pause, and then they'll go like, how's it going? And you'll hear like, a. Okay, you know, and then you just keep going from there. But it's the weirdest thing ever. Now, I argue the sauna's not like the porn section from the, you know, 80s 90s video store, but it's a lot like it. You keep your mind, your P's and Q's, keep to yourself, no eye contact. But every once in a while, you can make a noise. You know, when a guy sits down and goes, you know, sitting there, you can. There could be some commentary on the sauna itself. You know what I mean?

[Sam Tripoli]

Like, it's hot in here.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be better. Whatever. That could be better. While the saunas are designed to be wheelchair accessible, it's generally not recommended to bring a wheelchair into a standard sauna due to the high heat. Let me write this down. And potential damage to the chair's materials.

[Dawson]

Told you.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially electronic or power.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, I get.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, electronic and power wheelchairs. But, you know the one Lieutenant Dan rode in in Forrest Gump? Like, that's a Rental. Man, those things are chrome. They'll be fine. And they have the vinyl sort of sling seat back.

[Dawson]

All right, downshift the low in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we have. Is this from the Mancha? Yeah. All right. These are just a real bathroom at a mall. Bathroom interview. We got guys to sign releases.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What the hell? We in one bathroom.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's so funny, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why. Why would he sign this release?

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

With this box.

[Sam Tripoli]

That is so funny, dude. How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, fella. How's it going?

[Sam Tripoli]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

How are you feeling?

[Sam Tripoli]

Pretty good.

[Dawson]

What'd you have for lunch?

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't had lunch. May I recommend the rotisserie chick.

[Dawson]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

Got going right now?

[Sam Tripoli]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

What. Think you can guess my name? I'll give you five guesses.

[Sam Tripoli]

John.

[Dawson]

John.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not. It's one. Josh.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not Josh.

[Sam Tripoli]

Close. Bill.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not Bill. Not Bill. That's three. You got two left.

[Sam Tripoli]

James.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, what was that? James. James is absolutely right. I'm positive. People call me Jimmy, but my name is James.

[Sam Tripoli]

That is interesting that you would guess that. This guy's wiping his head.

[Dawson]

The fact that he starts wiping.

[Sam Tripoli]

Dude. Multitasking.

[Dawson]

He hands up some brownies.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. I don't know why I love that bit so much. It's so simple, right? All you days. How's it going?

[Sam Tripoli]

It's almost like the.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Sam Tripoli]

Some of these hidden prank things. You just got to hope for the nicest person shows up.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What you have for lunch.

[Sam Tripoli]

And nobody want. Hey, I'm. Right now. Yeah, Let me focus.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy got his name in four.

[Sam Tripoli]

This has his. This is. This story I'm telling on stage. It's a true story where, like, I blew my knee out almost taking a. In a unisex bathroom. And, like, nobody's coming to save you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

When you.

[Sam Tripoli]

You blow your knee out and it's a bunch of swifties in the in and out, it's just like. Yeah, you gotta sit there till you heal up. Wolverine style.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta get a surgeon in there. Scrub in, scrubbing in. We gotta tripoli off the head. Let's roll. All right, we'll take a quick break. We got news. We got all sorts of other stuff to get into. And we'll do all that right after this. Hey, did you know that 60% of the clothes we buy end up in a landfill within a year of being made? That is gross. Very ugly. Historically, our clothes were something we held onto for a long time. But big apparel companies constantly find ways to make clothes faster and cheaper. Turning clothes disposable. And American Giant doesn't think that's right. American Giant is about durable non disposable products. They make their clothes built to last. So buying from American Giant is an investment not just in clothes, but a community trying to do things the right way. Their stuff is great, it's durable. And yeah, think back to those days when you had that shirt and you hung onto it for a while. Or the pants. Now it's so disposable. Let's not be ugly Americans. Through American ingenuity and innovation, they went against the current to do better. They believe in a new kind of conscious buying because small changes can add up to something big. It's American Giant, right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This season, snag the hoodie that will bring you comfort for life. The American giant classic full zip and save 20% on your first order at american dashed giant.com when you use code ADAM at checkout, that's 20% off your first order at american-giant.com code ADAM.

[Adam Carolla]

Omaha steaks. Love these guys. Omaha Steaks delivers the world's best steak experience and brings people together with more than 100 years of family owned expertise as America's original butcher. Oh, these guys are good. It's such a treat. I love Omaha Steaks and it makes a great gift too. From legendary steaks to classic comfort food, you can bring home the exceptional handcrafted flavor and convenience of Omaha Steaks. Every steak is perfectly aged to maximize tenderness and hand cut by master butchers in America's heartland. Grass fed grain finished beef has more marbling for exceptional flavor and is the choice of steakhouses and professional chefs around the world. They also carry mouthwatering burgers, chicken, pork, seafood, desserts and easy to prepare comfort food as well. Omaha Steaks. Just the best, right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't miss the semi annual sale at Omaha Steaks. Visit Omaha Steaks.com for 50 off site wide and for an extra $30 off, use promo code Adam at checkout. That's 50 off at Omaha Steaks.com and an extra $30 off with promo code Adam at checkout.

[Sam Tripoli]

They're trying to get us all to fight with each other all the time. Just divide and conquer, right? Like you remember when everybody was getting mad at gay pride parades. People got so mad they decided to start a straight parade. You know what straight parades sound like to me? Gay as fuck.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sam. Tripoli is on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Sam's got a podcast. Sam's Got dates. Sam is all over the place. And if you go to Sam Tripoli, spelled pretty much phonetically, right? Samtripoli.com youm can find out about all that stuff. Is that correct?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. Didn't change my name up. Sometimes I wish I would and come up with a cool stage name, but went with my dad's name, which is my name.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. You know what I was talking about the other day? You can tell a lot about your family by their sort of ambivalence to stuff, you know? And I. And I realized I had two instances with my family. My dad, who was just sort of, you know, he's like a Labrador, which is, you know, nice, but he ain't doing anything for you. He's just gonna hang out, you know what I mean? And I said to him once, I go, I don't have a middle name. What is that? I mean, why no middle name? Now I know what it is. It's effort. Like the people that give their kids five middle names, I always get pissed off, but it's cause they love the shit out of them. Or at least they did when they were. But I said to my dad, I go, why no middle name? And he goes, I don't know. Which just means, like, I don't know. You wouldn't name your name. You wouldn't name your neighbor's kid. You wouldn't give him a middle name. Well, why? He didn't care, you know? And then he goes, I don't know. You should ask your mom. And I asked my mom, and she goes, I don't know. Ask your dad. I go, okay. Neither one of you know, because you're just like, you know, who cares? But my dad, I realized I got his brother Ralph, when he died, he left behind, like a Purple Heart or some accommodation from the war. And my dad gave it to me, and I looked at it and it said Ralph Carollo. And I said, you, brother went by Carollo? Yeah. And you go by Carolla. And he goes, yeah. Why'd your brother go by a different last name? And he goes, I don't know. I was like, you never. These are things normal people would, like, ask and have answers for. And I realized it's not that he's not, like, inquisitive. It's like he's such the opposite of family that is like, I don't know. Why would you fucking ask that bum if he has a recipe for gazpacho? Like, I don't know. I'm not talking to him. Why would you talk to him, like. But. But that's his brother. His brother goes by a different last name.

[Sam Tripoli]

So crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm like, well, what is it? Is it Corollo? Is it Corolla? And he's like, I don't know why Ralph did that. Maybe it was.

[Sam Tripoli]

But was it Corolla and Ralph?

[Adam Carolla]

No, don't ask me.

[Sam Tripoli]

What was your grandpa's name?

[Dawson]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he was a.

[Dawson]

Was it Corollex?

[Adam Carolla]

He. He was a Jocko.

[Sam Tripoli]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Jaco Corolla. That's a pretty good one. But he use it ever.

[Sam Tripoli]

Jocko.

[Adam Carolla]

Jocko Corolla. Well, like, that's a sort of Italian Jack or J. Yeah. He died when my dad was like 18 or 19 or something, so I never. I never met that guy.

[Sam Tripoli]

My brother. I got two male names. My brother got no male names. What? And he's affected by it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, who are you talking to?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, he got so angry to the point he changed his name totally to my mother's maiden name and his nickname. That's my brother.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, is he pissed? See, I take it as a sign. Well, okay, I'll put it to you this way. For me, it's very consistent in their behavior, with their behavior, and that if they had, you know, saved college money for me or bought me a car on my 16th birthday or something, I'd go, well, that's their caring, loving, concerned people. But for them, it's total consistency. They didn't care then, they didn't really care later, so it makes sense. But your family, you got two and he got none.

[Sam Tripoli]

None.

[Adam Carolla]

But is it. Is your brother pissed? Because it's sort of a metaphor for being sort of apathetic about him.

[Sam Tripoli]

No, no, no. My brother was. Was treated way better. My brother was the number one high school bowler in New York State. And where I'm from, that means something.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Number one.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. My brother could bowl three hundreds with both hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. He could get perfect game. Both hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Wow.

[Sam Tripoli]

At a very young age, my brother was the chosen one.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Sam Tripoli]

And he's more hung than I am, which is. And he's younger, which is devastating.

[Dawson]

So who needs a nickname? Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

Well, I'll take the bigger dick and no nicknames over two nicknames in the smaller dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, these aren't nicknames. These are middle names. Right? Yeah. The only. The only good part of the. Of my saga is I gave myself a middle name.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, snap.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is I just wrote in Lakers one day when I was at the DMV when I was like 22.

[Sam Tripoli]

Your name is Lakers.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all my driver's license.

[Sam Tripoli]

The best thing I've ever heard.

[Adam Carolla]

It's on every. Every fucking official document. I have everything I have.

[Dawson]

Suck it in through the dmv.

[Adam Carolla]

Go get my phone. That's weird. Somebody get my phone.

[Dawson]

I will show you, but damn.

[Adam Carolla]

The great news is I'm going to the Lakers game tonight. And every time I go to Lakers game, Jay Moore gets me in. Jeannie Buss just walks over, and I just pull that license out, and I go, I want a free beer, bitch.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's awesome, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Hot dog on a stick.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the awesome part is, is. Is if you don't have a middle name, there's just a blank square when you're doing paperwork, and then you just write in whatever you want.

[Sam Tripoli]

My daughters have cool male names.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they want to.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, Ninja, Ghost, and Ninja.

[Dawson]

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Ghost and Ninja?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Sam Tripoli]

They're known on the Internet by their middle names.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

I don't want scumbags knowing their real name. There's so many just autistic momos out there that will go after them. So I just. They're known as. From their middle names, but their middle name.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it says on the bursa.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's good. Yeah, it'd be fun. Having a fun day.

[Sam Tripoli]

I guarantee you, at some point they will go by their male names, because guys will love that. Hey, I'm Ghost. Tripoli. You're like, well, what's your real name? No, that's my legal name. Listen, give to me by my parents.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right. But you don't want to go, like, full Frank Zappa, you know, because then you get named Moon Unit and Dweezil and stuff. Like, no, I don't mind. Ninja Warrior, Cash Wife, or something good, you know? But I don't want to be dweezel.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

100 or moon unit.

[Sam Tripoli]

Dweezel. Dude, magic name your kid Dweezil. Like, oh, I just want to get the shit kicked out of him forever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. I will pass that to you so you can verify.

[Sam Tripoli]

There it is, dude. There it is.

[Adam Carolla]

There it is, there it is.

[Dawson]

My parents named me after Santa Claus.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Dawson]

Yeah. Nicholas is my middle name.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dawson]

I felt, like, weird hiding that from you. I was born the day before Christmas. Now I'm stuck with St. Nick.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you the guy we should all be.

[Sam Tripoli]

It wasn't Mayhem, because that's the greatest name.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy we should be. We should all we should all. Sorry, I just turned my phone. We should all say this about our dads when they pass, which is. I'd heard that Tucker Carlson's dad passed like last week or something like that. Right? Yeah. And I. But you know, certain point, you're old enough, they're old enough. You know, like, I get it.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's my goal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

To get to that time where they're good and then wrap it up, wrap it up. I don't want them wiping my butt. That is one of my goals in life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I just shot him a note. I said, hey, I heard your dad pass. Sorry about that. That nothing. Just short, stay strong. Thinking about you.

[Sam Tripoli]

Guy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy shit. And he writes back, thanks a million, Adam. In our family, he was everyone's hero. And he was fully himself to the minute he died. Never degraded or fundamentally diminished. That was the greatest blessing. I feel weirdly okay about it, actually. I knew him so well and our relationship was so happy and uncomplicated that mostly I feel gratitude. Not a word left unsaid. And I just wrote back, I fucking hope my son says that about me when I die. I don't know. How are you doing? Better than that.

[Sam Tripoli]

New goal for me.

[Adam Carolla]

How? Not a word left unsaid.

[Sam Tripoli]

You send the most basic thing, and he sent you the greatest thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, that's the way you felt about your dad. Yeah, I know. That's the great. What a feeling that must be like. He was the greatest guy. He was a hero. We didn't leave anything on the table. It was always discussed. And I feel blessed. I mean, what a blessing.

[Sam Tripoli]

I think Jesus Christ. Every dad that is in their kid's life want their children to say that for them about them at the end.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, you're. And here's the caveat. You're gonna have to earn it. No one, you can't just be with your new girlfriend in Florida all. All year. Never calling your kids on their birthday like you're gonna to. You have to fucking earn it. You gotta. You gotta take them out to a dinner. You got to spend some time with them. You got to have some discussion life. Give them a lessons of life. Like you gotta. You gotta earn it. You gotta earn it.

[Sam Tripoli]

So my daughter now loves to play PS5. And I don't know if you've seen the games that kids play now. They're the most you'll ever see in your life. It is. If it's dumbing down, it's dumbing down. But my daughter likes playing it but, you know, she's this generation that, you know, because they can't go out and play. I like, dude, the. The on my kids block, they just turned five.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Sam Tripoli]

The children on my block are like the kids under the stairs. You like, see them? You're like, did I just see a kid? Can we play together? But they don't do it right. So they've been playing on pads inside. And so I got her a PS5. I got me a PS5 that she could play. And so. But when it gets difficult, she wants to give up the game. So I gave her this Newt Rockne speech about how she's a triple. Because my dad gave me this, you're Tripoli. We don't quit you. And it's a 10 minute speech. I gave this 5 year old. I felt I've been waiting to give this speech forever. And then after I was done, she went back and played. And I felt so good about myself. I walked into my kitchen, I saw my girlfriend, I go, did you hear the speech? She goes, she's five years old.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Women don't like speeches, and they don't like motivational speeches. I realized. But I gave the same speech to my daughter. I was like, listen, you're a corollary or Carollo. He's not really been settled. Let's just table that for a second now. Getting it. Oh, you don't know. Newt Rockne is. How about the Gipper?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, you don't know anything.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, let me just kind of regroup. I'll be back. I'll be back. Let me see if I can get the name down here.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Newt Gipper. The ultimate coach.

[Sam Tripoli]

Let me give you the Newt Gipper speech.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've realized, I've tried it. Do Try to do. I'm trying to, trying to. My son's going, turning 19, and I'm trying to find something for him, like stuff he could be good at, stuff he could get paid for. It's also funny. Kids don't have to do anything now.

[Sam Tripoli]

They don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally.

[Sam Tripoli]

And they don't.

[Adam Carolla]

And people go. People go, oh, yeah. Because, you know, know, you're rich guys, your kids poor. People don't need to do anything. I evidently no one needs to do anything anymore. Everyone's just kind of like, he can't.

[Sam Tripoli]

Get anyone to work. He goes, these kids don't want. He. He runs lifeguarding in Vegas. And my friend Mike B. Was telling me, he's like, I can't get it. I can't hire anybody. Nobody will do the jobs. When I was a kid, this was like the greatest job you could get. I can't get any kids to do these jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Nobody wants to do anything anymore and somehow aren't competing held like, you go, don't you need money? It's like, I got Apple pay. It's like, I'm telling you what it is. It's air conditioning, big screen TVs and edibles. Between those three, nobody's doing shit. And grubhub. Everyone's just like, fuck it, man.

[Sam Tripoli]

I don't need to leave the house.

[Adam Carolla]

I've like talked to young people who used to work here and I'd be like, you're a dude. Yeah. You're dirty. Yeah. What's the plan? I go, what do you mean? I go, she kind of want to career wise, like, do stuff. They go, in chief. The taste of encinos. This weekend we're going out to that. Like, I'm like, yeah, I know. I'm talking about like career shit. And they're like, I said to one of them, I go, listen, you got air, you got a big tv and you got pot. He's like, yep. And I'm like, that's kind of all you need, right? He goes, that's about it. And I go, you don't even fucking need a car, right? You just Uber and whatever. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, okay. We. We had a little fire in our belly because there was a fucking fiery orb outside called the sun and we didn't have air conditioning. And I was like, I don't want to live in this Cool Hand Luke sweatpants.

[Sam Tripoli]

We were the last generation of that. The Gen X guys.

[Adam Carolla]

We're so miserable that we had to do shit.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's no misery index anymore.

[Sam Tripoli]

They got everything they ever want. And it's to the point now they don't even want to date anyone anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're just. I got too much plastic circulating in their brain and they're. They're starting to lactate, right? And. And, and they're just like, yeah. And it's weird.

[Sam Tripoli]

The answer is I. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It's another thing. It's weird too, is like you, you talk to dudes. Like, I do this with my nephews and stuff. They're like 18 or whatever. You go, hey, man, what do you want to do? And they go, you know, they go, what do you like? And they go, I like eating out. And I go, I know. No, but stuff like, you know what's your passion, you know? I don't know, it's like, well, what do you. I like watching. I like video games. Like, I know. I'm talking about fucking and fighting and building shit and rebuilding engines and fucking rolling on a mat with somebody. Like that stuff. That stuff. They're like.

[Sam Tripoli]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're. Dudes are detuned. Society has tuned them. It's like. It's like somebody took their soup and dumped a sack of flour into it and they're all just.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone told them that they were toxic and masculine and they shouldn't be wrestling and they shouldn't be asserting themselves and they shouldn't get boners and they shouldn't. And they shouldn't fight and all this stuff. And we got a bunch of guys there just like. And you're like. And you say to them, weird. Like, you go like, you know, let's go out. Let's go to one of these sports car racing schools or something. Go do some hot laps at Willow Springs. And they're like, well, this Saturday is not good for me. It's like, you don't want to hot. You don't want to use a hot. Laura. It's weird. I think society took dudes and they kind of demoralized them and now they're just 100. They're just apathetic now. They're just like, I don't, I don't. You want to go on a date? I don't get in trouble. I just beat off.

[Sam Tripoli]

Me too has done so much damage.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to fuck. I don't know what the rules are. I don't even want to try anymore.

[Sam Tripoli]

It's the me Too movement.

[Adam Carolla]

I got scared on my phone anyway, so I'm good.

[Sam Tripoli]

And women are. Women are feeling it now too. Because you hear women talk about at work. No, no one deals with them. Men don't wanna partner up with them on projects. Cuz they're so worried about being me too'd now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, okay. We are living in the realm of unintended consequences. That's all we do. We go, we gotta defund the police. All right, let's defund the police. Oh, fuck. They're breaking into every CVS and every house and every politician that wanted to get the cops defunded. They just broke into their house. Good. But unintended consequences, we need. All right, and same with DEI shit like, well, we need to be integrated. We need more black people. Well, once there's enough racial discrimination lawsuits, then companies or small businesses don't want to hire black people because they can't fire them. Because if they fire them for being a shitty employee, they're gonna get sued and they're gonna have to fucking settle up, even though it had nothing to do with the color of their skin. And it's the same with women. Like, we're gonna hire women and black people and then what, get sued every time we try to fire one of them? So you just go, I don't want. I don't want the hassle. And it's an unintended consequence, or it's.

[Sam Tripoli]

The intended consequence from the makers of mankind, the masters of mankind, to get us. So everybody's side siloed and we're not interacting with each other, which is not what how society runs. We all must interact with each other.

[Adam Carolla]

I totally agree. All right. What was this story I had about men? I was looking down on my page here being sort of disenfranchised. But we're not. I've said I scream it every day. Like, please do not, not neuter men. Just don't do it. You'll fuck your society up. You need guys.

[Sam Tripoli]

You need men. You need driven men to create.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Right. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, you know the jingle. Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly Auto Parts. Wink. Yeah, O'Reilly, they got the auto parts. They have the friendly, helpful service people, people, and they have the knowledge and they have the parts to maintain your car and repair your car as well. I've always been. I've always gone to O'Reilly because I'm a car guy. And they have a huge selection of parts, and also they're knowledgeable as well. And my whole life, I've been working on cars and I've been going to O'Reilly. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you can find the parts you need with employees who are knowledgeable and they understand what the problem is and they're friendly. That's the best part. So stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today and visit them@o'reilly.com Adam. That's o'reilly.com Adam. Simply safe. Oh, man. You know, you worry because you have a family, because you have a home, you have possessions. You want to keep your stuff safe. And that's where Simplisafe comes in. With Simplisafe, millions of Americans enjoy greater security and peace of mind every time they arm their system and head out in the morning or lock up at the end of the night. But traditional security systems only take action after someone has Already broken in. Well, it's too late by then, isn't it? Simply said, safes active guard outdoor protection can help prevent break ins before they happen. AI powered cameras backed by live professional monitoring agents monitor your property and detect suspicious activity in real time. Monitoring plans start at a very affordable dollar a day. So protect yourself for just around a dollar a day with SimpliSafe. Right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You can get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring and your first month [e-mail] Adam. Just head to simplisafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this year. Keep your home, your family, and your peace of mind protected with Simplisafe. There's no safe like Simplisafe.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you got some news there?

[Dawson]

I do have some news. I hope you paid your taxes already, because California's high speed rail property project needs to secure $7 billion by the summer of 2026.

[Sam Tripoli]

Look at that dude.

[Dawson]

Here's a little piece of the track from Merced to Bakersfield and back. California's embattled high speed rail project needs a lot more money and it needs it soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you find. Hold on one sec. In the booth, can you find Gavin Newsom talking to Bill Maher about this? Because it's pretty fucking good.

[Sam Tripoli]

Unbelievable. Bill Maher, who is consistently on podcast bitching about the state of California, asking the guy literally the cause of destroying California to run for president. Why do you want to do that? Like, do you just get a call from somebody like, hey, dude, you need to push us or we're going to take your show? I don't get it. I mean, you go back to interviews with him, Gavin Newsom, when he was mayor of San Francisco, he still like, dude, he destroyed that city.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's what I said. I saw that clip and I was like, you want the guy destroyed California to destroy the nation? Like, give me a fucking break.

[Sam Tripoli]

You hate where California is, Bill.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird. It's a bizarre kind of alchemy of you sit around and you go, this is too much and this is too long, and this is over regulated and this is whatever and we gotta change the government. Then you go, when are you gonna run for president?

[Dawson]

Yeah, but he. He looks like the president. He looks like they would.

[Sam Tripoli]

They are. He's the greatest psychopath. Him and Trudeau are the exact same guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

Good looking guy. Because they know that the super progressive wives will all vote for him. Doesn't matter what he does he's cute. I'm going to vote for him. And this is what you get.

[Adam Carolla]

Watch out.

[Dawson]

Yeah, watch his parry.

[Adam Carolla]

They cross their legs the same way they do Trudeau. Yeah. When you don't have a cock and ball, you do a full fucking twisty with the leg. And what you do is Trudeau does it and Gavin Newsom does it. They do the full chick leg cross. And that pulls the pant leg up, and it shows a little bit of your colorful sock. And then you signal to the world to go, all right, I know where that guy stands.

[Sam Tripoli]

He's 1 above.

[Adam Carolla]

I know where he is. He wears colorful socks and crosses his leg like a chick. All right, sorry, go ahead. I'm the governor of everyone in the state, and those are. Can you name three people who ever wanted to go from Bruce Smith to Bakersfield? I mean, that. I feel like. I'm just saying, it's like.

[E]

Let me challenge the premise, because I think in many respects, this goes to, I think, the state of the Democratic Party. And I mean this with respect.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. He's gonna challenge the premise, which is they're asking for another $7 billion to finish a train. There is a train. There's a restaurant around Westwood, but sort of on the west side. And it's an Italian restaurant, and it's like authentic Italian. And people always go, Frank Sinatra used to love to eat here. And it has a train up on the top. Like, there's like a shelf, like, you know, eight feet off, and it's a miniature train, and it just goes around in a circle. And Frank Sinatra would go there, there and have spaghetti, and it's cute. That train is more impactful to most folks who live in California than this train. I would argue there are more people who go to that Italian restaurant and enjoy the train than there are going to be humans who live in California who don't have a vehicle that can make it from Merced to Bakersfield or something. And they're going to get on the non bullet train. Like, it's at least as impactful the minute the train at Griffith park, the miniature train that takes the little toddlers around in a circle is every bit as important as this train, which is not, but brings joy to people. Okay, I would make an argument for the Griffith park miniature train before I would make an argument for the 7 billion extra to do this. And Bill is saying, saying, who lives in Merced? Who lives in Bakersfield? No, wait. Who lives in Bakersfield and works in Merced? Like, I don't know what the scenario is, but name me three people that would use this train, and he's gonna answer.

[E]

Let me challenge the premise, because I think in many respects, this lot of.

[Sam Tripoli]

Hand movement, that's how you know he's lying.

[E]

And I mean this with respect. The Central Valley in California is one of the fastest growing parts of the the state. It's predominantly rural.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[E]

It's predominantly Republican. Yes. But it's an incredibly important part of the state. And I think we. At our own peril, we talk down to people in the Central Valley, and I think a lot of people extend that as part of the problem with the Democratic brand. We talk down to people. We talk past people, I think is an incredibly important part of the state. Not just because I represent the state, by the way, that represented that part of the state probably the largest share of my recall vote. So I'm not saying that in the context of a political frame. Frame, but I am saying the context of trying to meet people where they are and respect people. All of us want to be protected. We want to be respected. We want to be connected.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think they have stop when he turned into fucking Nipsey Russell when.

[Sam Tripoli]

He went on that war.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't be neglected.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

Because he went on a tour to try to make a run for the 2024 election, and he got his lady dick kicked in, and now he's like, oh, I have to re. I have to get out of my bubble and start trying to connect with the. With the Midwest. And I had to say things like, we have to care for people. Even though this guy was more than ready to ban you from jobs because you didn't get the experimental shot.

[Dawson]

But I was pumped that he was going to talk about the train, and then he didn't talk about.

[Adam Carolla]

But, Bill, you got to circle back. I mean, listen, I interviewed the guy in the studio. It's all I did, was stay on the same subject for 18 painful, glorious minutes.

[Sam Tripoli]

The only other person besides myself. I would love to see you on his podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I would love to do that.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But the reason you can't let him just get up there. Okay, so here's the deal. It's like if a cop pulls you over and goes, you've been drinking tonight. You can't just hold your keys out the window and jingle them and go, hey, look at that. What's over there? And the cop goes, those are your keys now. Have you been drinking tonight? And then you go, hey, let me see. I'll make a rabbit shadow on My dashboard. Let me use your flashlight. He goes, no, no. I want to know if you've been drinking tonight. And then you go, you know a lot of people. You know beer was originally made by the monks in 14. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. I want to know if you've been drinking. Like, that's the only way you can interview these guys. Cause they can't. They jingle their keys over here. We're going to talk about going down and not neglecting and prospecting and intersecting. It doesn't say a fucking thing. There's a train that nobody wants. We are bankrupt. You want more money? That sounds like the worst idea ever.

[Sam Tripoli]

So, all right, what ensures that if you get the 7 billion, it will actually be used on. You already got 20, Bill, dude, no.

[Adam Carolla]

One, you know will ever go on that train. You will never go on that train. It will be zero impression impact. But let's listen to the rest of his answer just because it's funny.

[E]

So I'm not saying that in the context of a political frame, but I am saying in the context of trying to meet people where they are and respect people. All of us want to be protected. We want to be respected. We want to be connected. And I think they have a right to have this kind of investment.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean, protected? He's talking about a train that's a waste of money. Respected. They don't want to be neglected.

[Dawson]

No, he was framing it so that he's the protector against Bill Maher of the Central Valley people. But he didn't answer shit about the train.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's on a tour to make. He basically has to convince people he's normal, essentially, which is a weird.

[Sam Tripoli]

He's not American Psycho.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the concept is a flawed concept, which is you go, well, what do people want? Well, well, they want less government waste, they want lower taxes, they want cheap energy, and they want a secure border. Okay, what do you want? Well, I want the opposite of all that stuff. Okay, so now I have to convince them that I've changed my mind on all the shit that I used to want, and that's what Kamala Harris had to do. It's like, well, I thought you wanted to pay for prisoners to transition in jail. No, I thought you wanted to get rid of ice. No, I thought you wanted to get rid of. Yeah, but I was at the tender age of 57 and a half back then. Now now I'm an adult now. That was a full two and a half years ago. Now. Now I'm wise age of 60. So then you have to go around and you have to convince everyone that you don't stand for all the shit you stood for 10 minutes ago. And my feeling, you got, you got young girls.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? And you're not a superstitious man. But what I'm saying, you got to make a decision, right? You go, me or Mayhem's got to babysit. Right? And then I go, okay, all right, now listen, Mayhem, that's going to be a tough putt, but Mayhem's a good dude. He's kept his nose clean, he pays his taxes, he's God fearing. He's got to get a young boy. He's a family man, and he's a Christian, okay? Now, I know I've said a lot of stuff about 5 year olds in the past, but that was in the past. Yeah, I mean, that, that, that, that, that was, that was like. I was like 56 when I talked about 5 year olds. Yeah, that's the old Adam. Yeah, the new Adam. I'm with Mayhem on this. I, I'm, I, I don't think anyone should be going anywhere near a five year old sexually. You know what I mean?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of footage of me on the Internet. Internet talking about 5 year olds. Yeah, that's the old Adam. So what I'm asking, as you can only have one of us watch your kid.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I'm the man.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Because that was a, that was like 2002 when I was talking about five different time. It's a different time. And I know I talked something about stealing their toys and feeding them gummy bears and telling them not to brush their teeth before they went to bed. That's the old Adam, you understand? The new Adam. Gonna sit there, we're gonna read the Bible, we go to bed early, we eat something nutritious, and everyone flosses before they go to bed. Now, sure, you could pick up your phone and see a lot of footage of me saying something the exact opposite of that. I'm at the Mambla retreat, you know, talking to other man. Boy love association guys and things of that. Nature, nature. But that was 18 months.

[Sam Tripoli]

Long time ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so if you can only hire one babysitter, I think this dude's the dude. Oh, oh, hold on. And I care.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My thing is. I care.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I care. Yeah. That's the difference. He doesn't. That's what it is. I'm sorry. I spent too much time on myself. He's God Fearing he's Christian, he's a family man himself. He never got on a microphone and started talking about banging five year olds. He never went do that. But you know what? This guy may be racist. I think he's racist. Yeah, I think he's racist. Aren't black.

[Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You ever seen him wave? There's picture of him waving. The. He's got his hand up. No else put his hand up. Hitler. Yeah, go look it up. You can find pictures of mayhem waving. Well, he's not waving. He's. He's dog whistle waving. He's wave whistling to his crowd. Okay, so this guy is either. This guy's rich too, by the way. You know, he's got a lot of money. He wants a big fat cat coming in here lighting cigars with $100. This guy's a billionaire. You understand? He's a billionaire. He's racist. Yeah, he loves Putin. This guy's Putin's.

[Sam Tripoli]

Can't stop talking about he's a cat.

[Adam Carolla]

True. It's his cat's paw, whatever that is. That's what he is. He does Putin's bidding. So anyway, yeah, I used to be a pedophile. Fine. But I'm not a racist. I don't love. I'm not Hitlerian. Yeah, there's pictures of me doing the same salute on the line, but that's different. That's like within a different context, you know? Yeah. So I talked about being a pedophile a lot, but I was only in my mid-50s and now I'm in my later 50s. I'm a different guy guy. I'm not racist, I'm not a billionaire and I'm not in with Putin. Okay, so you kind of need me to watch the kids, I'm. I'm assuming. Unless you want to hire the racist.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, yeah, yes. You know, who am I? Which one am I going with?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, that's basically if I me.

[Sam Tripoli]

When do you start mayhem? If I'm a progressive 55 year old, I'm going with Captain good looking over here.

[Adam Carolla]

I sold my Tesla, by the way.

[Sam Tripoli]

You should know that this guy. I didn't sell it, but the out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Put a sticker on it that said I bought the Tesla before I knew Elon was an. So that kind of covers the Tesla.

[Sam Tripoli]

Half my half your staff is gay, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a thing in my yard that says no humans. Illegal.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Even pedophiles, really. But that's not my point.

[Sam Tripoli]

I only hire trans now. That's all I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's what I do.

[Sam Tripoli]

All the chicks here, big dicks, that's all happen.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy. This guy loves Hitler.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How about that?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. It's just ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he invents rockets and too. But, you know, else invented, you know, the whole rocket.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Came out of Nazi Germany.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Werner von Braun, probably a buddy of yours. That's why you like rockets. You and Hitler. You and Hitler. Love your rockets. He had a V1. You love yourself some rockets, don't you?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hitler. I don't care about rockets.

[Sam Tripoli]

I live in California. You just burned down my house. I'm hiring you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted to do deforestation, but I was worried about the milk thistle.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I said no.

[Sam Tripoli]

The dune bug. You were worried about the. The tiny bugs?

[Adam Carolla]

I was worried about the delta smelt. That's why we don't have any water in the reservoir and we didn't clear the brush because I was working about milk thistle.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. Yeah. This guy.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy want to fill the reservoirs. Water. Water with racist water, dude.

[Sam Tripoli]

Probably hearing water.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd say it'd be the. He's like, the tears of Jews is what. He wanted to fill those reservoirs with.

[Sam Tripoli]

The tears of Jews, dude. Look at those tattoos. They're probably all Aryan brotherhood tattoos too.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you just broke down the fourth wall. Because my mayhem in this fantasy doesn't have.

[Dawson]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, sorry. Go ahead.

[Dawson]

All right, here's a nice bit of video. Memphis repo man. Oh, man. Driver runs over his head, trying to evade the turn toe. This is just a great video from tnt. That's a video a repo man in Tennessee is proving. You gotta have a lot of brains to do the job. Here he is right here.

[Adam Carolla]

Repo man's gotta be the worst job of all time.

[Dawson]

Yeah, it's a tough one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's got a flatbed. I was gonna pull the car up.

[Dawson]

The flatbed, and then I guess the lady or the driver gets into the car right here. He makes a decision to get underneath there, run right over.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the guy didn't see him there.

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. Yeah. The guy's ripping back in.

[Sam Tripoli]

And the guy does not care.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy. All right, let me just stop it first. So the guy backs the flatbed into the parking space so he can't get out. He's got a car to the right, a car to the left, and a building and a shrub behind him. The guy's going to hook up the front axle or whatever and he's going to drag it up the flatbed. The camera is like the GoPro on the front of the flatbed facing down. The guy goes down to hook up the chain. I don't think the guy who's driving the flatbed saw him run around. Then the guy backs out because he's got to do a 10 point maneuver to get out of here, right? Yeah, yeah. And then ran over the guy's head.

[Dawson]

Well, he exited through the shrub. If you watched.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dawson]

Yeah, let's watch it all.

[Adam Carolla]

I do. Like he has a sort of Bonnie to is Clyde.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

But she's awful. She should go into car in the truck.

[Dawson]

No, no, this, no, this lady was.

[Adam Carolla]

Part of the car. Yeah.

[Dawson]

She was friends with that guy who.

[Sam Tripoli]

Had the red car.

[Dawson]

Exactly.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. She should jump in the truck and move it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

But now this guy. Oh, you got a car that's eventually gonna get repoed and now you gotta like you're gonna get arrested. Right. For running over a dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

He sustained abrasions on his head. That man is wanted for, you know, a reckless assault.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Any guys in a neck brace?

[Adam Carolla]

I, I'm a little sympathetic because I drove off a tow truck before.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I have experience driving off of tow trucks. Mine was a, wasn't a flatbed. It was the, it was the Elon musk rocket catching arm. Yes. Sling that. The two prongs have go out. Lift it.

[Sam Tripoli]

Bang, bang.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, lift it.

[Dawson]

Drove right off of it back. The right off of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the guy towed the back of my car.

[Dawson]

Oh yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

And you had front wheels driving.

[Dawson]

No, no, you just, you just floor it.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a BMW. It was a 90E36 BMW M3,6 speed with a rear wheel drive. So that the tires were on the two arms that were like cupped up and the car was at a 90 degree angle or something. 45 degree. It was towed. It was 3, 4ft off the back of the thing. And I was going to let it go. Well, first the guy kept towing the car and then I jump in the car and hit the brakes. Because I know a lot of about cars. I know that most of the brake ballast is in the front wheels because when you try to stop a car, you need more brake on the front because the weight is going forward. If you put it in the back, the back just locks up and it's got no weight on it because the weight is shifting. So I know it's got, I don't know, 65, 70% balance in the front. So when the guy gets in the tow truck and starts towing me. I jump in the car and I hit the brake. And now he's dragging me and my front end through the parking lot of the 711 in Hollywood. And then he gets out of the car and starts yelling at me. And then I get out of the car, start yelling at him, and then he jumps. He runs back to the tow truck. I run back to my car, and we do the same thing. And then at some point, I get out of the car. This is like midnight. And Tom Stern, who's plays Yurgi, what can you find, Dawson? Can you find Windy City Heat? We were talking about that the other week on the show. Oh, you love that movie. Okay. Tom Stern plays Yurgi, the Russian rich porn producer who shows up and starts explaining that he wants more tits. And, like, if he's going to pay for Windy City because they lose funding from their Japanese guys who are paying for it. Mr. Hiroshima.

[Sam Tripoli]

He took over all the food.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, And Yamasaki. So then Yuri shows up. So Yuri. Tom Stern is Yurgi. Yeah, and Tom Stern is nuts. And he's out in the parking lot with me, and he's witnessing this whole thing going down.

[Dawson]

You were parked in the red.

[Adam Carolla]

I was parked park. It was after a man show taping. We used to go out and we'd go to a billiards place in Hollywood and all have our little after party. It was perfect. It was a man show. It was like beers, people, pool, and just fucking hang out and drink beers and play pool at night. You know, like 10 at night. So Tom's working with us directing because he directed all our monkeys.

[Sam Tripoli]

If you haven't seen Wendy C. Heat, it is the funniest movie ever made. It's so funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, this is. This is Yuri. Oh, we'll find Yurgi. Sorry.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, there he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's Yuri. That's Tom. So. All right, if you have Yurgi ever cracked me up, and that's a friend.

[Sam Tripoli]

I know exactly what sicko. And I'm gonna find him. I know exactly what's sick.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and I'm gonna find him.

[Sam Tripoli]

Cut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, One thing. Yeah? It's too late to get Carson Daly.

[Sam Tripoli]

Carson Daly is a. No, we're.

[Adam Carolla]

We're married to.

[Sam Tripoli]

We're married to Barry. I mean, that won't affect the financing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Carson Daly does not work. You go get him.

[Sam Tripoli]

Thank you. When Yuri mentioned bringing back Carson Daleyza. Wait a second. Carson's not Italian. Like, I'm Italian. Carson Daly, He's a Jew boy trying to Be a whop.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we put the. Put Nadia. Give Nadia a crack at it. He used to put his horse in the movie. That was great. Sweet.

[Sam Tripoli]

Lana. Here it is. Do you think it's gonna match?

[Adam Carolla]

Don't worry about that. All right, let's go again.

[Sam Tripoli]

Bridge, you all set?

[Adam Carolla]

Ready.

[Sam Tripoli]

Okay. You really want to go through that.

[Adam Carolla]

Door and the fridge. They took the fridge's fridge. Stone. How am I supposed to chill food? How. All right. That was great.

[Sam Tripoli]

The fridge is fridge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sam Tripoli]

Here comes the fridge is fridge.

[Adam Carolla]

Shut up. I read the script. Yeah. I think it's needs a rim job scene.

[Sam Tripoli]

A rim job?

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

No. It's not what you think. A rim job is when you eat someone's ass.

[Sam Tripoli]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's fucking Yurgi. Who's Tom Stern? Who's hanging out with us. Cause he directs all our monkey bits. Cause he's nuts, you know? And he comes running out there, and he sees me going back and forth with the tow truck driver and jumping in the car. And at some point, he starts unlashing my tire tire from, like, the driver's side. He just starts undoing the tie down, and he just yells, me, undo the tie down. And I'm on the other side of the car, and I know how to undo tie down. So I undid the tie down and he. And he goes, get in the car. Go. Go for it. And I'm like, all right, Gy. I just jumped in the car, slammed the door, fired it up, popped it in first, and it was like, dropped. Fucking threw some revs at it because I knew I was gonna have to get out of this tow truck and get. I knew it was rear wheel drive, and I just fucking sucked off. Boom. On the ground. Fucking sped off into the. Just got home, shut all the lights, put the car in the fucking garage, and just sat there waiting for the cops to show up. Like, the whole time, I was like, oh, my God. I was like, the cops are. This fucking guy's got my license plate. Like, he's. The cops are just gonna show up, man.

[Sam Tripoli]

What'd you do in your last life that you're repo, man?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. This guy had his girlfriend with him.

[Sam Tripoli]

Oh, my God, dude. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's hilarious, though.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, come on, man, just leave. And he goes, I can't show up without a car. I can't go back to the repo yard without a car. I go, does it ever happen where you get a call and by the time you get There, the car's left. And he goes, yeah, all the time. I go, well, just tell him that's what happened. Just tell him you showed up. And. And then the. The guy was gone. You know, I'll give you some money. He's like, no. So we drove off.

[Sam Tripoli]

Unbelievable. I should have taken the cash.

[Adam Carolla]

I wouldn't have done it without Yuri.

[Sam Tripoli]

Shout out, Yuri.

[Adam Carolla]

Shout out to Yuri, who inspired me.

[Sam Tripoli]

Talk about another great name, Yuri.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, the Russian.

[Sam Tripoli]

You're producing porn.

[Dawson]

Yorgi was crazy. You might like this guy. A New Jersey police chief is accused of sticking a subordinate with the hypodermic needle on the penis, pooping on the floor, spiking the coffee pot with Adderall and Viagra.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Dawson]

Yeah, it's on right now.

[Sam Tripoli]

And it's almost like, do you. I mean, based on the picture we're seeing, he. He looks like that guy. And like, it's almost like, are you predestined to become this guy? Because that is the guy that looks like he would do all that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You grew into that. Like, all racists look like racist. Like, maybe it's not their fault. They just looked like racist and they grew into it, you know?

[Dawson]

Yeah. They say the unsavory antics were part of a culture of humiliation, harassment, and vulgarity that the North Bergen Police chief, Robert Fairley, allegedly fostered within the department since he took charge last year. Say a cops. Say the cops that are preparing to sue him. Yeah. He's also accused of sneaking hot peppers into officer food, sending sex toys and gay pride flags to the home of a cop, and tossing eggs in fit of anger.

[Sam Tripoli]

Now, some of that stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Some of it's fine. Most of it's fine.

[Dawson]

Well, yeah, that's the funny thing is that the rest of the police department stand behind him.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah. I mean, the pooping thing and the sticking me with needles. Let's cut that out, Sydney. Gay pride flags is hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a guy. I had a guy. You know, a Snapple has the big mouth on it. Yeah. Guy put his dick at my Snapple and stirred around, you know, and then put it back on my dad.

[Sam Tripoli]

I once sucked my dick in Steve. Steve Burns chicken sandwich when he went out to eat. And I was like, I'm going to stick my dick in the sandwich just to watch him eat it. And he ate it, and it was so funny. And then I told him, like, five years later. And we weren't friends for about five years.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, that's fine.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

All this stuff is Fine. The drugging stuff, that's a little different. I used to piss in the coffee pot at the man show all the time. Yeah, well, because the coffee pot was upstairs. And the writers room was on the third floor in the writers room. And the writers had their own bathroom up on the third floor of our building. And they would fucking destroy the bathroom. I'd show up there, there'd be newspaper all over the fucking floor. They'd piss all over it. It was like a cage for a ha.

[Sam Tripoli]

Gas station bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they destroy it. It wouldn't flush the toilet, blow it up, you know, And I just go, you know what, you guys? So I went to their coffee pot at the end of the hall, which is always funny because it was right by the window. That was at the end of the halls at the end of the hall. And I just pissed that. I filled that thing up with my golden piss and I put it back. And the way the sun would hit it was just perfect. Coming through the window. And I'd go, there's your piss pot. Right? Yeah. No one ever sued me.

[Dawson]

Yeah, well, you'll appreciate this. They say Chief Barley Daniel, our executive.

[Adam Carolla]

Producer, first off, the only bathroom he ever shit in was my dressing room bathroom. Like, he wouldn't shit in the writer's room. He wouldn't. He'd go walk. He'd go to the stage, go to my bathroom, go into my dressing room lead, leave a huge log in there, and then leave. He would never flush it.

[Sam Tripoli]

Back when Matt man could be men.

[Dawson]

Well, they're saying that Chief Farley has on several occasions pulled his pants down and defecated on the floor in front of his entire office.

[Adam Carolla]

I need more context to this one.

[Sam Tripoli]

I mean, was it a bat? Was money on the back?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he had a couple beers.

[Sam Tripoli]

Was he showing you how they in China? What was he doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Was it after 5pm Like, I need to know more before I'm gonna judge. Was it a weekday? I need to know things, you know?

[Dawson]

Well, he even pooped in a trash can and of an office he was moving out of so the next police official moving in wouldn't find it.

[Adam Carolla]

This is all fine. This is all fine.

[Sam Tripoli]

That's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I wish I in that coffee when parley.

[Dawson]

He allegedly put hot peppers in other employees.

[Adam Carolla]

Fine.

[Dawson]

And heated it in the microwave. Fumes emanating from the stunt caused one lieutenant to get sick.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, fucking.

[Sam Tripoli]

I've got sand in my vagina.

[Dawson]

How do you guys feel about this? Chief Farley's also tampered with Office coffee by adding prescription medications such as Adderall and Viagra, causing staff to inadvertently experience the effects of these substances without their consent.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Again, I need more context here.

[Sam Tripoli]

Viagra doesn't bother me. Like, what are you. Like, you're just walking around rock hard.

[Dawson]

Loving, fighting crime, diamond cutter dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, it's not always. There needs to be context. Like when the. When the guy put his dick in the Snapple, it had turned out he thought it was my Snapple, but it was another guy worked at the radio station watch that guy walk in and pick up the Snapple. It was sitting on my desk, but he just set. I didn't have a desk. He just, like, set a Snapple down. Anyway, they thought it was mine. It wasn't mine. So we need context. What. I mean, yeah, you knew it was Steve Burns sandwich now, didn't you?

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, and I watched him and I laughed and we all had a great time until he got too serious. But it's. That's what guys do. That's the funny stuff that guys do.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't talk to you for five years.

[Sam Tripoli]

Five years.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you cut or uncut?

[Sam Tripoli]

Uncut.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, uncut. You got a little pre cheese on there or something? Uncut. Yeah. Uncut's a situation.

[Sam Tripoli]

But love to that sandwich. So it wasn't done out of, like, brutality or anything like that salad or.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, was it chicken salad or just chicken?

[Sam Tripoli]

It was grilled chicken. Yeah, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, look, if you're. If you say to me, look, this was chicken salad, and I'm uncut. I'm like, all right, I get Steve. I can be a little hot around the collar about this, but grilled chicken, and you're fully circumcised. This is saying, you know what? Let me keep it in the realm of food. This is nothing burger. Yeah, that's what I would have told him.

[Sam Tripoli]

It's a real nothing burger. I totally agree.

[Adam Carolla]

One thing.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Uncut, another. Another. Circumcise.

[Sam Tripoli]

This chief needs us on his jury. He did nothing wrong. Nullification.

[Adam Carolla]

All I'd do is I'd go, you know my buddy Ray? And that's all I'd say. And then the rest of the story would be so disgusting to everybody in the audience that they never convict.

[Sam Tripoli]

Hey, I agree, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Or at least I should preside over this with hard hitting questions like, you know, chicken salad.

[Sam Tripoli]

Yeah, yeah, you. You actually got me off. This is like, you know, not guilty. I didn't finish on the sandwich. I tell you that. I did not do that. I'm not that much of a savage.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home. Mayhem. All right, sand, let me give you some plugs.

[Sam Tripoli]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got podcast, conspiracy, Social Club, AKA Deep waters out there, Tinfoil hat, of course, as well, live shows all over the place. Samtripoli.com me heading to San Diego at the American Comedy Club. Do you want to stand up there? Yeah. You like it there, huh? I think I've been there. I can't remember April 11th and 12th. Go to mcroll.com for all the live shows because I'm everywhere in a Until next time, adam Crowe from AM&SAM Tripoli saying mahalo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and then get tickets to see Adam Carolla at AdamCorola.com.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning, whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker, or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.