Sara Bareilles + Maria Menounos (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show — “Sara Bareilles + Maria Menounos (Carolla Classics)”
PodcastOne / Carolla Digital | June 7, 2026

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

This “Carolla Classics” episode serves up two of Adam’s best interviews — a lively, funny, and sincere hour with singer-songwriter Sara Bareilles, and a high-energy hang with media personality Maria Menounos (joined by Kevin Undergaro). The show, as always, features Adam’s signature rants on life, cars, sex, relationships, and pop culture, playfully ribbed and riffed on by regulars Bald Brian, Allison Rosen, and David Wilde. Together, they revisit vintage Adam Carolla Show moments, including interviews, documentary talk, stories from Adam’s personal life, music, sports, and irreverent takes on the news.

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1. INTRO & OPENING (01:11–07:00)

• Hosts introduce "Carolla Classics” selections—throwback highlights, fan favorites, and requests from the Carolla Show’s 17+ year run.
• Discussion about accessing the show’s deep archive, crossed wires about which podcasts can be replayed due to licensing.

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2. ADAM’S WEEKEND STORIES & SOCIAL OBSERVATIONS (03:45–10:13)

• Adam’s Recap of Fontana Race Weekend
  • Vintage racing at Fontana Motor Speedway, with kids in tow as the “pit crew.”
  • Describes “that guy” everyone hates (and low-key admires): the rule-stickler in checkout lines (05:04), sparking laughter about social decorum.
• Dinner Parties: Gender Segregation
  • Hilarious reflection on how, at big group dinners, the men and women naturally split up. Adam and friends admit they prefer it that way, riffing on the “seventh-grade dance” atmosphere.
  • "No one wants to really admit it, but this is the way we'd like it, right?" (08:14 – Bald Brian)

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3. CAR RANTS & “MAN VS. FONTANA” (10:40–17:23)

• Car Culture and Street ‘Drag’ with an IROC Z

  • Adam races a guy in an old IROC Z while driving his modern Jaguar — deadpan analysis of horsepower, modern tech vs. 80s machismo, and Fontana’s sketchy local color.
  • Jokes, “Everyone here has warrants. If anyone here gets pulled over, they’re going away in zip ties.” (16:05)

• Kids as Pit Crew & Parenting Anecdotes

  • Explains the “long johns” for racing: “That’s in case daddy catches on fire.” (17:23)
  • Daughter Natalia insists she’ll someday race — but will paint the car pink.

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4. RACING, RECOGNITION & THE “HARD CHARGER" AWARD (21:44–27:00)

• Vintage Cars: Cheater Mods and Safety
  • Adam explains the restoration and “cheating” in vintage racing.
• Prize Humor: $150 Gift Certificate.
  • “Heart Charging award is a $150 gift certificate toward any Tilton product. ...Lynette’s not gonna enjoy that aluminum flywheel as much as I am.” (21:56 – Bald Brian)

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5. NAILS & MALE GROOMING (23:58–26:24)

• Fun, off-the-cuff tangent:
  • Allison asks Adam why his nails are so well-groomed; conversation spins into cultural stereotypes, rock star nails, and coke jokes.

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6. MOVIE & POP CULTURE DEBATE (29:12–39:46)

• Rant: Sex vs. Violence in Media
  • Adam and the crew question why sexual innuendo is censored in film trailers, but kids can watch endless violence and gore.
    • "Would you like them to either homicide or...be blown or blow someone else?" (31:43 — Adam Carolla)
  • Allison echoes: "The squeamishness over sex and the lack of squeamishness over violence is something that drives me insane." (32:59)
• World War Z Movie Review (33:12–41:28)
  • Bald Brian gives a positive, in-depth review (relentless pace, top-notch sound, “best of the summer blockbusters”).
  • Continued debate: Adam jokes about movie logic—“We have bunker-busters. We could take out a monster!” (38:34–39:46)

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7. INTERVIEW: ED CUNNINGHAM – NFL TO DOCUMENTARY FILMMAKER (44:39–65:54)

• NFL Career & Physical Toll

  • Ed describes life as a pro lineman: ballooning up to 290 lbs, split between “born big” and “forced bulk” players.
  • “The ex-linemen go one direction or another. They either balloon up ... or they say, 'I'm gonna end up with Mike Webster somewhere,’ so I’m getting into fitness.” (45:03 – Bald Brian)

• Athlete Genetics & Awe

  • Ed recalls the Seattle Seahawks teammates watching Michael Johnson’s Olympic run: “It was dead silent...three guys were crying because he glided across the track.” (49:20)
  • Marvel at freakish athletic feats: bench-pressing dumbbells, NFL combine war stories.

• Documentaries:

  • King of Kong:

    • Ed tells the wild, passionate backstory (“Donkey Kong champion”), the odd characters, and landing a film that “makes you cheer for a bike race, Breaking Away–style.” (61:57–63:29)

  • Undefeated:

    • “A high school in one of America’s worst neighborhoods...became a coming-of-age sports movie.” (63:33–64:48)
    • Oscar win—Ed jokes about missing out on the actual trophy (“It’s like the Stanley Cup; they let us borrow it as needed for parties.” (65:06–65:09)

  • Finders Keepers:

    • Bizarre true story of a man finding a mummified leg in a BBQ grill, leading to lawsuits and a Judge Mathis episode (68:41).

    • “It sounds like an urban myth...this guy buys a lot at a storage auction, gets home, finds a leg in his grill…” (65:54–69:06)

    • Memorable quote:
      “You don’t have to provide inventory for the oddities museum — you’ll be the oddest thing by far.” (73:31 — Adam Carolla)

  • Kickstarter, Indies, and the Value of Small Stories

    • “You can make movies about huge events...and no one cares. And you can make movies about nothing that are incredibly compelling.” (61:57–62:30)

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8. SARA BAREILLES INTERVIEW & MUSIC CHAT (From 106:10—Approx. 143:13)

• Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Performance

  • Sara recounts performing “Stoney End," her nerves ("Standing side-stage, pep talk from Carole King... it was surreal." — 107:16–107:48)
  • Bald Brian and Maria Menounos compliment Sara’s rendition, calling it "more beautiful than the original."

• Practice, Perfection, and Mistakes

  • “You can see me look over at the band and I’m apologizing with my eyes because I screwed up the arrangement.” (108:31 — Sara)
  • Reflection on performance nerves—"If I can get through the rapids, then I can relax. But there’s still a couple of laps left." (112:26 — Bald Brian)

• Career, New York Inspiration, Laura Nyro

  • Discussion about Sara’s new album The Blessed Unrest, composing in NYC, and song “Brave" (with Rashida Jones-directed video).

• Quirky Family Background

  • Sara reveals her parents’ origins—insurance adjuster, logger, funeral director, and Kinko’s worker—spawning a humorous riff on the misery of copy centers.
  • “Kinko’s is the worst place on earth...feels like the inside of a microwave, nothing works, everyone is angry and late…” (124:01–124:49)

• Music’s Role in Memories

  • David Wilde tells a moving story of being stranded in Italy with his wife, with Sara’s album as the trip’s soundtrack (131:39–132:23).

• Ben Folds Collaboration

  • Sara discusses working with Ben Folds ("prolific...gave great advice about the writing process" 137:08–137:26), leading to running jokes about famed musician offspring and the “obligation” of writing songs for your kids.

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9. MARIA MENOUNOS & KEVIN UNDERGARO: REALITY TV, HOLLYWOOD TRAFFIC, AND MORE (144:29–210:19)

• Adventures in Reality TV
  • Maria and Kevin are being followed by a docu-series crew for Oxygen TV (145:00–145:09).
  • Adam jokes about the side effects of banning Mangria at Maria’s offices—"That’s how Pablo Escobar came into power."
• Traffic and “Supercars Going 9 MPH”
  • A classic “car talk” vent—Adam musing about L.A.’s gridlock: "We’re in a town of supercars...and they all sit in traffic." (147:03–148:23)
• Group Dinners — Segregation Sidebar, Pt. 2
  • Revisiting the topic of “dudes with dudes, chicks with chicks” at big dinners for optimal conversation (“When gratuity’s included, you can segregate.” 157:06)
• Playful Banter: “Who Would You Date If You Were Gay?”
  • Adam, Kevin, and the crew riff comically on their fantasy gay crushes, “cock candy,” and what being gay would be like for them. (159:01–164:09)
• Riff on Hollywood Siblings
  • Pitching a hypothetical reality show ("Sloppy Seconds") bringing together lesser-known siblings of celebrities for a wine-soaked tell-all dinner. Don Swayze, Andy Murray, Bill Murray’s siblings, and more.
  • "We can’t lay down track fast enough for this idea train." (205:56 — Bald Brian)
• Maria’s Perspective on Fame and Success
  • Maria jokes about always being the object of male attention, now at LA Pride as Grand Marshal: "All guys want my girlfriend...now all guys don't want anything to do with me!" (153:36)

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10. NOTABLE NEWS SEGMENTS & QUOTES

• Paula Deen Controversy (80:28–94:56)
  • Discussion about racism, intent vs. action, public apologies, and cultural “rules.”
  • "We’re making this mistake in this country, taking people who make jokes or have said the word and turning them into racist." (88:13 — Bald Brian)
• Aaron Hernandez Arrested
  • Maria reveals she just interviewed Hernandez before his murder charges; roundtable debates how athletes with “everything” throw it away, the psychology of violence, and NFL culture.
  • "He’s guilty of being Hispanic and living in the Boston area." (167:36 — Bald Brian)
• Ray Carruth & Price of Crime
  • Jaw-dropping retelling of the Carruth murder-for-hire case, and dark humor about the economics of hiring a hitman (178:01–180:07)
• Dogs Burying the Dead?
  • Viral video of a dog “burying” a puppy debunked by animal behavior experts—amusing dissection of our tendency to anthropomorphize pets (190:01–193:13).

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11. MEMORABLE QUOTES & HUMOR

• “No one wants to really admit it, but this is the way we'd like it, right?” (08:14 – Bald Brian on gender-separated group dinners)
• "I have 510 horsepower, and he’s making 215 on a good day in his IROC." (11:44 — Adam Carolla)
• "We have bunker busters that will go through five stories of steel-reinforced concrete...I think we can take out a lizard with this." (38:34–38:58 — Adam)
• "Kinko’s is the worst place on earth...it’s the inside of a microwave." (124:01–124:49 — Allison/Sara)
• "I’m gonna get so much hog, it’s gonna be unbelievable." (Kevin Undergaro, 212:07)
• "We can’t lay down track fast enough for this idea train." (205:56 — Bald Brian)

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12. SECTION HIGHLIGHTS WITH TIMESTAMPS

| Segment/Quote | Speaker | Timestamp | |---------------|---------|-----------| | Gender-segregated dinners | Bald Brian | 08:14 | | Car drag race story | Adam | 11:44 | | Racing attire for kids | Adam | 17:23 | | Racing award to auto parts gift card | Bald Brian | 21:56 | | Movie violence vs. sex | Adam | 31:43 | | Kinko’s nightmare | Sara/Allison | 124:01–124:49 | | “Sloppy Seconds” Hollywood siblings | Group | 205:56 | | “I’m gonna get so much hog…” | Kevin | 212:07 |

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13. OVERALL TONE & TAKEAWAYS

• Classic Carolla: Unfiltered, rapid-fire, off-beat, and honest, with warmth and depth showing through under the sarcasm.
• Amiable Confessions: Adam’s storytelling about family, embarrassment, competition, and his own minor hypocrisies brings universal flavor to seemingly niche topics.
• Great Guests: Both Sara Bareilles and Maria Menounos blend right in, offering humility, humor, and industry insight.
• Bold Social Takes: Whether on race, media violence, or pop culture, the show’s willingness to ruffle feathers and deconstruct “sacred cows” is both bracing and cathartic.

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14. SUMMARY FOR NEW LISTENERS

This episode is a showcase of the Adam Carolla Show at its loose, improv-heavy best: hilarious, frank, and rarely PC. Tunes, sports, pop culture, awkward family moments, and social taboos are all fair game—riffed on and dissected with a wink by the core cast, then made richer through insightful, open exchanges with Sara Bareilles and Maria Menounos.

If you love sharp banter, unpredictable tangents, and authentic personalities who never take themselves too seriously, this Carolla Classics entry is an absolute treat.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Brian]

feels like solving a puzzle.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

So go ahead, surprise yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Get a quote in as little as 8 [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates discounts not available in all states or situations.

[Bald Brian]

Truckers aren't just moving goods, they're making sure bakers get their chocolate chips and hotels get their tiny soaps. But truckers can't do this if they're not on the road. That's why Progressive has over 360 heavy

[David Wilde]

truck employees to help truckers stay on

[Bald Brian]

time and on track. Quote Truck insurance today in as little as 8 minutes@progressive commercial.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

[Ed Cunningham]

Welcome to Corolla Classics.

[Maria Menounos]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Ed Cunningham]

This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans select eclipse from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Maria Menounos]

If you'd like to access the archives

[Ed Cunningham]

of the ACS, the Adam and Dr. Drew show as well as the newer

[Bald Brian]

podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcarla.substack.com sign up, subscribe and listen ad free.

[Ed Cunningham]

And if you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsadamcarolla.com Note we can only play material from the Adam Carolla Show.

[Maria Menounos]

We could probably play some Adam and

[Ed Cunningham]

Drew show as well, but they already do their Adam and Dr. Drew show

[Bald Brian]

classics, so we don't really want to step on that.

[Ed Cunningham]

Nobody ever asked for anything from Ace in the House. I could probably pull from Ace in the House as well. Let me know. In terms of Loveline and the Adam Carolla show that aired on kayla sex from 2006 to 2009, none of those

[Bald Brian]

clips can be played.

[Ed Cunningham]

I am remastering both of those shows. If you'd like more information, check out my patreon patreon.com Giovanni all right, let's

[Bald Brian]

get to the clips coming up.

[Ed Cunningham]

First, we have Adam Crull, a show 1107 featuring former NFL player Ed Cunningham, who also happens to be the director of King of Kong, one of Adam

[Bald Brian]

Brian and my favorite documentaries. At first I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place, Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice come with

[Ed Cunningham]

me if you want to live.

[Bald Brian]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, the 100, and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now pay. Never. He thought Super Moon meant something. His buddy Ray did with his ass. Adam Carolla. Oh, he also had a move called the turtle. That was also with the ass.

[Allison Rosen]

No, that's clearly ball, sack and cock.

[Bald Brian]

That was.

[Maria Menounos]

That was.

[Bald Brian]

That was sack and cock in the morning.

[David Wilde]

Use your imagination, Allison. That could be with your ass.

[Bald Brian]

Good day, Allison. Hello, Adam Carolla and bald Brian. What if Hitler had mad MMA skills? Oh, who requested that?

[David Wilde]

Craig S. On Twitter, hashtag Topdrop.

[Bald Brian]

Would have really made him that much scarier. I mean, for me. Ed Cunningham coming in. Ed played in the NFL for many years. He's done some movies, and I'm looking down at some of the stuff he's done. He was produced King of Kong.

[David Wilde]

Oh, it's a fucking great documentary.

[Bald Brian]

Great.

[David Wilde]

Have you seen it?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah, it's great. Yeah. And undefeated as well. Holy shit.

[David Wilde]

I just should have looked at this beforehand. I just saw that on Netflix five days ago.

[Bald Brian]

Another great doc.

[David Wilde]

It's streaming right now. You can see it. It won best documentary at the Oscars two years ago.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Yeah. Really good documentary. So we'll get into all that. And he's doing a new one, and it's doing some crowdsourcing and all that kind of stuff. So lots of cool stuff with that coming up. All right. I had a busy weekend. Just got back from Fontana. Fontana. I should tell people. They call it Fontucky and they're sort of kidding, but not really. People think, you know, Los Angeles is Los Angeles or California is California. It's all sort of Haight Ashbury and Tiburon and a bunch of good vibes and folks hanging around. And there's a lot of desert and a lot of meth and a lot of broken down stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

It's where the bad vibes collect.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it's the pocket of bad vibes. Yeah.

[David Wilde]

Speaking of documentaries, go see one called the Salton Sea and then get back to us, right?

[Bald Brian]

And this is halfway to the Salton Sea and Fontana, where I was doing a vintage race over the weekend, and I had a. I don't know, you know, the. I love this guy, and I hate this guy. You know, we talk about this guy all the time. The guy says, you know, Excuse you. You have 11 items. It's a 10 or less item. You go, wow, I hate you, but wow, I love you. Yeah, like I wish I could be you for 10 seconds. You counted my items and tapped me on the shoulder like we've never met before.

[Allison Rosen]

Not at all concerned with social media.

[Bald Brian]

Nothing rules. So we're driving to the Fontana Motor Speedway today, this be Sunday afternoon, and qualifying is yesterday is Saturday, and then the race is Sunday and they have a practice somewhere in between. But you know, people wreck and cars break and I don't want to get up early. God, it was up till 3am Anyway, one out for one of those, there's no greater force than the Daniel Kelison is ordering and Jimmy Kimmel is paying. When it comes to a restaurant, that's the 85 Bears defense against the 2007 Patriots offense. Or the greatest show on turf or something like that. It's like, who? Just Jimmy's got the black card out Daniel's. He's turning appetizers into entrees and specials into appetizers. And it's like unbelievable. Taking stuff off of other people's table and throwing money at them using one of those T shirt cannons. I mean, it's unbelievable. When he says, we're going family style, it's like, oh, look out, look out.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's why you were up till

[Bald Brian]

3am well, it's a couple things. I don't know if you guys are like me, but I don't have a get home and go to bed mode. I have a get home and participate in what I participate in before I go to bed mode, which lasts a couple of hours.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

So if I get home at 9 or 10 o', clock, then that's fine. I'll go to bed. That's just the icing. I mean, that's just part of. I mean, that's a.

[David Wilde]

It's the glaze on the donkey.

[Bald Brian]

I'm gonna call it a small part. But what I'm saying is if I get home at 2am I don't go, woo, 2am I'm going to bed. Nope. Glass of Mangria, half a cigarette. Sports center. Like, I have my thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Nighttime routine. Yeah, right.

[Bald Brian]

So when I get home late, I end up just staying up no matter what time I have to get up the next day. So it was great. Old school Italian place. The wives of Bill Simmons and Jimmy and everybody. At a certain point, Daniel just called a spade a spade. He just said, look, ladies, you guys want to talk about your lady shit And Dudes, we're over here. Mike Judge from King of the Hill came by. Super nice guy. We want to talk about our dude stuff like who Mike Judge is fucking and stuff like that. Now they single stuff and like, let's not do this charade where everybody sits next to their significant other and then we shout across the table about who Mike Judge is fucking. It's uncomfortable, by the way. You know, we all agreed. We all drove in with that person, and we'll drive home with that person if we get enough them time in. So at a certain point, it was sort of a table. It was like two tables because we took up a sort of private room. There's 10, 12 people there. a certain point, Daniel just went, hey, let's just put all the dudes on this side and all the chicks on this side. And you guys get. We'll like it better this way.

[Allison Rosen]

Seventh grade dance.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. No one wants to really admit it, but this is the way we'd like it, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Why did you even bring them?

[Bald Brian]

Decent point. I think because one of once one's going, it's on. You know what I mean?

[David Wilde]

How far into marriage do I have to look forward to this? Because we're not there yet.

[Bald Brian]

No. Oh, you'll no look. Well, first off, you're not going to dinner with Mike Judge. Jimmy the sports guy. I mean, Jimmy.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a you thing, right?

[Bald Brian]

Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy the sports guy, Bill Simmons and Daniel Kelson. When you get those guys all together, then you're like, I want some. Some Hot Topics here. We got a lot to talk about, right? These aren't guys are like Red dawn of the Patriots.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, what I'm saying, you and your friends, Brian.

[Bald Brian]

No, what I'm saying is this.

[David Wilde]

What are we talking about, fellas? I don't know. What do you want to talk about?

[Kevin Undergaro]

Psych.

[Allison Rosen]

Ladies.

[David Wilde]

Go see the ladies.

[Bald Brian]

Well, you shouldn't do it next to a guy who moved $73,000 worth of vertical and horizontal blinds the year before versus the guy who created King of the Hill.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Beavis and Butthead.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Bald Brian]

He's banged a couple. You know, it's like, you want to know? Oh, yeah. Say anything. But the point is, you want to. You want. There's some good. They're good ones, though. Like, we go, did you ever get so and so? No. Got her stylist. The point is, we want to. We want to laugh. We want to talk. And you know, like I said, women

[Allison Rosen]

will just get in the way of that.

[Bald Brian]

They don't want us either, okay? Believe me. Carrie Simmons and Molly, Jimmy's fiance and all, they're all talking up a storm. It's got nothing to do with what we're talking about. And we're all cross talking. So someone said, fuck it. Put the dudes with the dudes and the chicks with the chicks. And if you don't get enough of your lady, don't worry. There's an hour long drive home from Santa Monica. You guys can get all caught up about what went on on your side of the table. It's not like you're never going to see him. Here's the point. I don't sit between Mike and Bill that often, but I do sit between my wife all the time.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it makes perfect sense.

[Bald Brian]

Thank you.

[David Wilde]

Where'd you go?

[Bald Brian]

We went to.

[David Wilde]

Was it on Santa Monica Boulevard?

[Bald Brian]

No, no, it's not. It's the place that's off of Sunset and like Peponi's or something. It's right. It's like next to where OJ's. OJ. Low speed action. Low speed chase action. You get off the 405, you hang a right. It's right in there. I'm trying to think of that's. It's not Overland. I can't. Maybe it is.

[David Wilde]

No, it's like Bundy up there.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it's like Bundy. Yeah, Bundy. Old school Italian guy, does, you know, Pasta Fazul all over the place.

[David Wilde]

It really was where OJ did his little trip. That was right there.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, he was right. Yeah, he was down the hill into Brentwood. This is on top of the hill. But either way you get your own room. And they're not pumping techno music and you're eating old school Italian and swapping stories and had a good time. So, you know, Bill's bursting at the seams with the fast six and he says he wants us to watch it again together. And then he'll come in. We'll get that done. But late night last night? Yeah, Paponi, I think it is. Then we. Then it's off to Fontana to race today. But anyway, the guy. The guy I miss. So Fontana is pretty dicey. You get off the freeway and then you sort of cut through Fontana in order to get to the track. I had Jeff Fox with me and my kids were in the back. And a certain point I'm noticing like an 86, 87 IROC Z. You don't even see IROCK ZS anymore. You got to go to Fontana. Sienna. Yeah, that's him. With serious Mustache and, like, that dude, you know, and, you know, it's my hyper vigilance. I'm kind of noticing him in my rear view. Like, there's an iroxy. And then at a certain point, it sort of bottlenecks into one lane, and he kind of hit. He hits the gas and pulls ahead. He does pulls a little move, and then it opens up into two lanes. And now we find ourselves just sitting at a red light. And I'm thinking, this guy already got a little aggressive. He's kind of looking at me. He wasn't throwing any revs or anything. He was just kind of. He'd already done his move. And I thought, I bet this guy wants to go. And I realize, you know, he may have an IROC Z, and I might have a Jag with two kids in the car, but I have 510 horsepower, and he's making 2. 15 on a good day is an IROC.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that the maple?

[Bald Brian]

It's a Camaro. That's right. International race of champions.

[David Wilde]

International.

[Bald Brian]

Truly had the race of champions. He was a white guy, but he. I don't know. That's about all he had going for him. So he had a nice mustache going.

[David Wilde]

Do you think he knew what a Jaguar was?

[Bald Brian]

It's good.

[Ed Cunningham]

I don't know.

[Bald Brian]

Probably called it the green car. The kids were in the back.

[Allison Rosen]

The guy who drives that car makes the gesture that you mentioned recently, which is the V, and you stick your tongue through.

[Bald Brian]

Mm. That's what I like about. One of the things I like about him. So tell me who this guy is now. So sure enough. And it's a long, long signal, and I'm just sitting there going. I know this guy wants to go, and I know I have 510 horsepower. And that thing's making. Like I said, thing looked bone stock, and it's probably making 213 horsepower or something. Anyway, the light finally turns green, and he goes. He, like, spins. He lights up the rear tires, and he gets on it. But because I'm driving a modern car with 510 horsepower, I just mash my right foot into the. I don't do anything. We don't need more pictures. We need stats. I put my. Just put my right foot down and immediately just dart because of, like, tires and traction control and an extra 300 horsepower and blah, blah, blah. I didn't even. The kids didn't even notice what was going on in the backseat, and I just. I just go flying.

[Ed Cunningham]

I just.

[Bald Brian]

I just slingshot my time. I slingshot past the guy. And once I put 100 yards between me and him just for mashing my foot down for like a three Mississippi and get up to like, you know, 65, 70 miles an hour, then I just start coasting because I'm coming up to turn onto the track. Truckers aren't just moving goods. They're making sure bakers get their chocolate

[David Wilde]

chips and hotels get their tiny soaps.

[Bald Brian]

But truckers can't do this if they're not on the road. That's why Progressive has over 360 heavy truck employees to help truckers stay on time and on track. Quote Truck Insurance today in as little as eight [e-mail] progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

[Kevin Undergaro]

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[Bald Brian]

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[Kevin Undergaro]

Not available in all states.

[Adam Carolla]

As a small business owner, sometimes it feels like no matter how much planning you do, there's always surprises, like an urgent, expensive repair.

[Allison Rosen]

But here's a surprise you will like with Progressive.

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[Bald Brian]

Facility and I'm curious, like, how he's going to react to this. He does the movement I dig, which is he stays on it. Oh, stays on it. Even though I'm literally coasting now. Blows past me at full throttle. Like to him, it's on. It's going to be on and it's never not going to be on. And I don't know what his story is. Like this guy in this new fangled jag, he got me, pulled the whole shot on me, but I stepped, I stayed on it and was able to leg him out like I was clearly coasting. It was like the kind of thing where it's like if Hussein Bolt went against Sonny and just ran hard for like 30 yards and then just started jogging and talking to people and then Sonny like motored past him at the end but clearly not trying. 225 is what it has stock and like I said, down almost 300 horsepower from what I was driving. Then all the computers and all that kind of stuff. But that part where you're clearly smoked and then you're just gonna stick with it. And then just a shit box Mitsubishi Galant got into it with him and started following him. And I was thinking, maybe it's Fontana's. Maybe this is my kind of town. You know what I mean? Here's two guys on Sunday just getting into it for no good reason. And as I'm saying to Jeff Fox in the car, you know, everyone here has warrants. Like, if you get pulled. If anyone here gets pulled over, they're going. Zip ties coming out, pepper spray, least some missed, you know, probably some deadbeat dad stuff going on, but at least no proof of insurance, right?

[David Wilde]

You roll into town with the jag, they crown you king.

[Bald Brian]

So I took the. I took the kids to the. To the Fontana Motor speedway, which is nice, big track, kind of hairy, kind of hot. It's very hot over there. And by the time you're done with the long johns, it's a weird conversation when you're having a conversation with your kids, where I'm getting dressed in the trailer and they see me putting on the long johns, and they're like, what are you putting on your long underpants for? That's in case daddy catches on fire. But it's probably not going to happen. But you want to be safe, so you want to have underpants that don't burn. And then Natalia's like, my pajamas. I could sleep in fire in my pajamas. I'm like, all right, let's not test that, but that's good. So they come out and they do this thing where they're gonna. You know, they're gonna be my little pit crew, and they're wiping everything down and doing all this stuff. And they're all around the car, and Natalia announces that she wants to race, but that she's gonna paint the car pink when she gets to race. I think we. Jeff, probably have a picture or two of the car or something like that. At some point, we'll throw it [e-mail] Good, guys. Pretty big field. I don't know what. Oh, there it is. Yeah, there's the. It's a 1971 Datsun 510 BRE. Pete Brock's company. Anyway, it's got a lot of. It's got a lot of history, as they. As they say. I'll show you guys. I'll show you guys just the beginning lap. And like I said, go to AdamCroll.com if you want to check it out. It's the beginning part is kind of the fun part. And then everyone Just sort of spreads out. But what they do can. Turn it up, please. Thank you. You go around, you make a sweeping turn onto the straightaway, but everyone's waiting for the green flag. And so your idea is to bunch up, or they won't give you the green flag. And then once they bunch you up enough, you'll hear it. There it is. Now, the thing about this track is it's scary because you're on the bank and you're going 125 miles an hour in a shitbox. Like, those things are just pieces of shit from the, like, 1971. And it is kind of weird because it feels like it's trying to pull you up the bank. But you go around the bank, and then you turn into the infield, which is what they do on these. When they turn these road courses into these races. So this is 2.5 trans am I, what they called, or B sedan. And it's a bunch of other screw. Screw jabs. And you go, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

How much are you allowed to, like, build or restore the car?

[Bald Brian]

Well, you're supposed to have it as it was when it raced in the early 70s, late 60s. Save a few modern safety conveniences like a fire bottle that puts fire out everywhere in the engine compartment and all that kind of stuff. But some guys do what they call cheater cars, as they call it. And the cheater cars, they must with the engine and they do some stuff, but they can't really. You can't really get bigger or better. The brakes are drum brakes in the rear. There's little shitty discs in the front. It's pretty much. There's nothing modern in it at all. And that's what kind of makes it fun, because your average speed on this track is like 85, 86 miles an hour, which, like Diane was like, 85 miles an hour. But you're doing it in a box, like a shitty tin box. And feel fast. It feels fast. I tell everyone all the time, you go 500 miles an hour in an airplane, it doesn't feel like. It doesn't feel like anything. You go around again, and then you get up on the bank and again and then. And then that's it. I think. Sonny, Natalia had a. Had a good time. And I got the hard charger award for passing the most cars, which I'll take $150 gift certificate, by the way.

[David Wilde]

It's like in the league where they'll give out, like, random awards. Like, my brother got most tenacious one year. Really quite sure what that means. Maybe it was soft.

[Bald Brian]

That's the greatest thing ever.

[David Wilde]

It is, but it's like, I didn't know that was an award.

[Bald Brian]

You'll be thrilled to know what the gift certificate. I thought it was going to be at Red Lobster or something like that. The Heart Charging award is a $150 gift certificate toward any Tilton product. Mack Tilton makes suspension products, but to me, that's exciting. I don't think Lynette's going to enjoy that aluminum flywheel or adjustable camber plates as much as I am. Oh, my God. It's exciting. Yeah. So listen, this whole thing where the wives are with the wives and the husbands are with the husbands, I'm telling you, I think it's about the same reaction as the couples that are sitting next to each other at the booth. You know, where they sit? They sit on the same side of the booth. I think at some point, if I just. And I'm going to do this at restaurants, my new policy is going to be I'm just going to say to the husband and to the wife, like, listen, no judgment here, but do you really want to bang elbows with this person that you can't see? Are you guys that tight? How long has it been? And the wife's going to start. They're both going to start feeling it out a little bit with, like. Well, we. I mean, he want. And then at some point, he's going to go, well, I thought you. No, no, no, no, no. I thought you wanted. Oh, neither. Neither one of you wants to sit next. Just go ahead and break it up.

[Allison Rosen]

It could be, like, the great seat change. We should choose a time that every single person gets up off that booth.

[Bald Brian]

Anytime there's a couple. Like, anytime there's, you know, the Olive Garden type group, you know, where it's like, the couples. Anytime there's more than three, just go ahead and put the dudes with the dudes and the chicks with the chicks. And although it seems antisocial, it's not, because you're gonna get in the car and drive the fuck home.

[David Wilde]

Yeah. Have the recap.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, get the recap. All right. So fun with the kids, fun with the iroc. Fun in funtuckee, and good times over there. Let's see, Brian, you got your thing. I got a few tweets I want to get to.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a personal question for you, Adam. I've noticed your nails are always very trimmed and neat. Imagine you don't get manicures.

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you file them?

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you trim them? Does someone do this for you? What's going on here?

[Bald Brian]

I just did it because my. I put. Thank you for noticing.

[Allison Rosen]

How could I not?

[Bald Brian]

I was sitting around on Friday night and I was contemplating putting on my racing gloves and my racing socks and my racing shoes and looking at my nails getting a little long and the tooth. And I went, I don't want to drive, I don't know why. Something about the racing shoe and the racing sock and the gloves with the long nails. So I, I clipped, I did them all. But I don't like that feeling. I have the feeling of, I don't like that feeling of the long nails. Shit gets under it immediately. The stuff I do involves grease and dirt and stuff. And immediately get that black stuff under there and it just feels weird to me and those who walk around with that. It's a weird thing. But you know, the dudes who walk down, it's a, it's almost unique to the 62 year old black man who has the nails that aren't long intentionally,

[Allison Rosen]

just too long and it makes you think. Do you play acoustic guitar? Do you do cocaine? What's going on?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, hey, Richie Havens, what's going on with those fucking nails? And it's like, it's not, it doesn't bother him. He doesn't get in the way of anything. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, I don't know what it is, but I've seen it on the brothers and I'm not talking about 21 year olds, I'm talking about like, you gotta be like the sweet zone is like 57 to 65 and they're not long. Like, hey, I'm growing one out and that's what I do my coke with. Or I'm making a statement or anything like that. It's just a little bit longer than it should be. But it seems to be manicured, like taken care of. But not necessarily the gloss. Although the guys with the gloss on there, like, you think that's gonna get your dick sucked by the way. Just put some of that gloss on your cock, by the way. It's weird. Like, I understand not having, you know, entrails hanging from underneath your fingertips is a good thing, but just being sort of groomed. But you know, the brother I'm talking about, like, it's curved a little bit, it's rounded off on the end, it's not full of shit, there's not a bunch of stuff under it.

[Allison Rosen]

It seems deliberate, just a little extra longer.

[Bald Brian]

Like I wear it a little longer, like a guy who would wear his hair longer. But to me, I find it wildly annoying. All right, I'll tell you what's not wildly annoying. Score big, baby. Score big. You want to pay less this summer. You want to go out scorebig.com save up to 60% on every ticket on scorebig.com by the way, always below box office price. And you want to sit up in the rafters. You want to sit in the front row. Doesn't matter. You pay less with score. Support for this podcast comes from Progressive,

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[Bald Brian]

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[Bald Brian]

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[Bald Brian]

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[Bald Brian]

Not into baseball? Good. Screw baseball. NFL's coming around. Now that's something to be into. College football tickets, shows, Disney on Ice, Sesame Street Live. All there, baby. Scorebig.com exclusive offer for just my listeners. Go to scorebig.com click on the radio button and enter the code Adam or a $25 gift card and use it. Is that suspension and engine parts? Oh no, that goes towardscorebig.com $25 gift card to use on your first purchase. 150 bucks toward Mac Tilton Parts. And I was over the moon about it.

[David Wilde]

They know their audience.

[Bald Brian]

They certainly do. All right. Speaking of audience, Bald Brian, you went and saw a movie? Yeah. Now I'm intrigued. I like all this stuff. But what? Can I just ask you this? Like, you know we have the FCC in place in order to protect the kids from seeing imagery between certain hours and after certain hours and blah blah, blah. But I can never quite figure out where the line is. When I did the Hammer, my movie, we had a scene where I'd got my gloves all taped up and everything. And I realized I have to pee. And now I have my gloves all taped up and I have my low foul supporters. Like a belt with a cup and everything built into it. And I need help if I'm going to pee. And it's Ozzy sort of down on one knee by the urinal, like struggling. And he's saying like, don't fight me, don't fight me. And then the guy walks into the bathroom and goes like, what the? And walks out. So that's the joke. And he wasn't blowing me, it was just. He was off to the side. But it looked very. Obviously if you just walked into the bathroom, it would look very peculiar.

[David Wilde]

He was fluffing you.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. They said that cannot be used in a trailer. A movie trailer at a movie theater. Forget about tv, we didn't have budget for that. But like you cannot show that it's inappropriate. And I was like, I'm watching TV with that stupid Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher movie and he's peeing in the sink. I don't know what the difference is. I don't know where the rules are right. But every World War Z commercial, I see piles of human bodies being like bulldozer like I've never seen. It's an interesting effect, but it's bodies being shoved over dams and out.

[David Wilde]

Piles of humanity.

[Bald Brian]

Piles of humanity. And it's 6:30 in the evening.

[Allison Rosen]

But as long as there's no fellatio innuendo, then I think it's okay.

[Bald Brian]

Like I'm literally watching in the commercial. They're falling. Yeah, they're falling. They're going. But they're going like over the top of a stadium and they're just being just piles and piles of bodies. I don't know why. You gotta show me the commercial. There they go. It's like masses of humanity being destroyed. And that's six in the evening on channel 11. So why is that cool? I don't know. I'd assume they have money, I guess.

[David Wilde]

Yeah, that gets a big reads and it doesn't suggest any human sexuality.

[Bald Brian]

Perhaps, as I always say that I always say this. What behavior would you like your child to engage in as an adult? Would you like them to either homicide or be one of the one of the one of the tsunami of corpses that are going or be either blown or blown. Someone else like what. What is it that they're going to do? I know, don't answer yet. But what I'm saying is a lot of questions. Your kid is going to get old. I'll give you an extreme. Do you hope your child never has sex with a human being in their entire life? I do feel that way about my daughter, yeah. But I like my son to get his dick wet once. All I'm saying is this. You do want your child to become an adult and have sexual relations, do you not? But you don't want them to become a zombie and get bulldozed out of the coliseum. So first off, just using logic, which is the one that you don't look. You like them like we know imagery. Show them a picture of someone graduating college. Good. You're not too young to see someone graduate college, are you? One day you will be graduating. I see this successful person who's graduated college like you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

I know the squeamishness over sex and the lack of squeamishness over violence is something that drives me insane.

[Bald Brian]

And this is just humanity being bulldozed, is it not, Brian?

[David Wilde]

It absolutely is. You want to hear the review?

[Bald Brian]

Yes. I'm gonna get a new this. My chair's no good.

[David Wilde]

You switch it out, we'll play this.

[Maria Menounos]

So.

[Bald Brian]

Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for bounty war.

[David Wilde]

Yes, as you alluded to earlier, World War Z in theaters now came out this weekend.

[Bald Brian]

Could be one of the movies where they came up with the title before they made the movie.

[David Wilde]

It was a book, so who knows? I mean it was a sequel to the Zombie Survival Guide, you know that big hit book a few years ago. This was the guy. Sequel to the book got made into a movie. A big bidding war to Leonardo DiCaprio's production company wanted it. Brad Pitt's production company wanted it. It was a big bidding war. Was a high six figures deal reportedly directed by Mark Forster. He's a Swiss director, sort of an up and down career. He did Monsters Ball, Quantum of Solace, the James Bond movie that wasn't so good a couple years ago starring Brad Pitt. Of course this one is who like Tom Cruise doesn't make a lot of bad movies. I mean, Brad Pitt's career is better than it is worse. Especially recently.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I feel like he picks and chooses. And also he doesn't have that, you know, first thing that'll kill you is trouble with the irs. Cause then you're just like Nick Cage. You have to make Ghost Rider 17 and. Or, you know, bad, bad marriage, you know, divorce. So first things, like, I need money. You make a lot of bad decisions. Yeah.

[David Wilde]

I guess when you're atop the Hollywood food chain, the acting food chain, you can afford to pick and choose. Whatever. Yeah, whatever comes your way. And he shows. This one, the story is a virus outbreak. Starts turning everyone into zombies. Brad Pitt, sort of an ex. They call him a UN employee, but he's sort of a CIA type badass. You know, like, retired, of course, now, but they're pulling him back in. Like, we need you.

[Bald Brian]

Sure.

[David Wilde]

That cliche kind of gets, you know, run over pretty quickly. But his family escapes Philadelphia. He's enlisted by his former boss to help figure out what the hell is happening. They don't spend a lot of time on backstory. The movie gets into it right away. There's not a lot of, well, this happened and this happened. It's sort of what it would be like if you're in. It'd be very confusing, like, what's going on.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Although now I just feel like an extra in a zombie movie because zombie. We've gone nuts with zombies.

[David Wilde]

Yes. Between zombies and apocalyptic end of the world, everyone's left Earth between those scenarios. That accounts for about 75% of movies coming out this week.

[Bald Brian]

Right. And someone's taking over the White House.

[David Wilde]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Coming out next week. By the way, the White House down. This is PG13, as you said, so don't expect a lot of the gore.

[Bald Brian]

This is PG 13.

[David Wilde]

No brain eating, no rotting flesh.

[Bald Brian]

I don't need that zombie part where the guy bites in the other guy's trapezoidal muscle and they. They put hamburger meat under there. It's just why my teeth hurt. Hurt enough.

[David Wilde]

I kind of agree. I feel like the zombie purists might not like it because that's kind of what they like, is the gore and the Walking Dead and everything and all the grossness, but not. I'm not a zombie purist, so this is. This is fine for me. I saw this with Christy, who admittedly is kind of a lightweight. She hasn't seen a scary movie since she was scared by the ring 11 years ago. So she Was kind of lightweight. She yelped a couple times for a couple intense sequences. But overall liked it and so did I. I like this movie a lot. I really enjoyed World War Z. I thought it was fantastic. It's actually the best of the big summer movies I've seen.

[Allison Rosen]

This year's gonna have to change hands.

[David Wilde]

Did you bet I wouldn't like it?

[Allison Rosen]

Someone probably did.

[Maria Menounos]

Okay.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. No, you've. You're, you're tough.

[David Wilde]

I am tough. I really. There's at least a half dozen really great sequences in this movie. And there, it's a white knuckle. If I had to use one word to describe it, I would say relentless. The movie is go from the word go. And there's, you know, a couple of respites, a couple of slow spots where they explain what's going on. But there is a half dozen really well done action sequences in this movie. The effects are used really effectively. Not over the top. It's not a bunch of in your face effect like the trailers with the, you know, the people climbing up the wall in Jerusalem. It's.

[Bald Brian]

It's really well done.

[Allison Rosen]

What if someone's an even lighter weight than Christy Christie's?

[David Wilde]

About as. Although I did see a lot of nine and ten year old boys in the theater today. Their parents have taken them. So, I mean, Chrissy's about as lightweight as it gets for these kinds of movies.

[Allison Rosen]

She liked it.

[Bald Brian]

Sonny wants to see Pacific Rim.

[David Wilde]

That looks rad.

[Bald Brian]

It does. But these movies bother me when they go, like, all right, these things are monsters. So bullets aren't gonna hurt them because they're huge. But then aren't Stinger missiles gonna hurt them? Like, do you understand? There's just big bullets, right? Like, okay, I. A bullet would take me down, but if I was 80ft tall, maybe it wouldn't take me down. So you have a bullet that's nine feet long and it has explosive warhead on it. And then you get taken down because these are like organic creatures. They're lizards or something. And they'll always have the one scene where the one Cherokee helicopter, like, tries it, like, fire the missiles and then the thing swats it out and they're like, all right, I guess we're done with the helicopters. Like, no, I think we just begun. Let's hit him. Hit it with a few more. Like, we have missiles that do this. They're basically made to go through 5 inches of steel plating on the side of a tank and then explode inside. We have missiles that are bunker busters that Will go through, you know, go through down five stories in steel reinforced, two foot thick lids of concrete till it gets down to the bottom and then blow up. I think we can take a lizard with this. We have, we have like, like we have a 10 warthogs, they have scales with Gatling guns that shoot spent uranium. They just will shred anything in its path. It would shred this organic creature. But this thing is like, someone's got to build a suit the size of these things and then we got to fight old school stuff like a fist

[David Wilde]

fight in the ocean.

[Bald Brian]

Show me the bat shoe, which I'm

[David Wilde]

in for, by the way.

[Bald Brian]

Show me the C130 gunship, the Hellfire, whatever it is.

[David Wilde]

In the meantime, can I tell the people.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, sorry, yeah, go ahead.

[David Wilde]

No, no, I was gonna say I'll tell people what you said to me when we saw the trailer for this before. Fast6, the trailer for Pacific Rim. Do you know anything about this movie? Pacific Rim? It's a giant monster versus giant robot action movie. So what's not to love? And those trailers gonna. Explosions everywhere. Adam leans over, he goes, I'm gonna wash the shit out of that.

[Bald Brian]

I am. Me and Sonny. All right, if you could show this thing in action. Basically it's a C130. It's a propeller plane. They put a huge Gatling gun on it and all it does is fly in a slow circle around whatever it wants to fly in a slow circle while it just opens up this Gatling gun with this spent uranium. I don't see pictures of the flares coming out of it. That's just. That's. That's anti missile stuff. That's. So if something so boring. No, I'm saying it's a heat seeking thing. If something's going up and it's looking for its heat signature, but it flies in a slow banked circle while this guy with this cannon just fucking fires and shreds anything that's on the ground. Any tanks, any, anything. Anything moving gets absolutely shredded. So all you need is one of these C130 gunships to do a slow circle around whatever it is it was shooting to just completely destroy whatever it would shred anything that was on the ground. But they always skip that part and they're like, we got to get another monster to fight it. Ever notice how life's best stories don't

[David Wilde]

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[Bald Brian]

They happen on the open road, out on the water, or parked under the stars.

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[Bald Brian]

I never get past that one part. Zombies, man.

[David Wilde]

As for World War Z, though, the sound is great. It's the best I've seen since maybe Aliens, which was, you know, just use the sound so well. I'm actually excited for this movie to come on like HBO because I will rewatch certain sequences like, oh, World War Season. I wonder if it's the airplane sequence.

[Bald Brian]

Well, we'll see if Sonny can handle it. Let me tell you what happened to Sonny. Sonny's, you know, full blown wuss. And we're out to dinner last night and we got Olga, who's inexplicably called Olga. She's watching the kids. And Sonny wants Mommy and kind of Daddy, like part of daddy's leg, but most. Mommy, where's Mommy? And he wants Mommy. He's not feeling good about himself. So from 9:00 o'clock at night. And Olga, who's trying to teach Sonny a lesson, says, look, you can't be scared. Look, you go upstairs, turn the office light on, turn it off again. There's nothing up there. I can be in the kitchen. He doesn't want to go upstairs if she's going to be in the kitchen. And she says, now be a man, go upstairs, turn on the light, See, nothing's there, turn it off and then come back down. And he musters the courage to go up there. Of course, Natalia goes up there, hides in the shadows and jumps out and scares the fuck out of him. Now he's a fucking. He's like a Vietnam vet who's shell shocked at this point. He's a mess. He's like Tom Cruise and born a Ford.

[David Wilde]

Patton comes in and slaps him.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, like literally, he's a mess. Now he's up every five minutes. He was up at 1:00 clock when we got home. And then when I woke up this morning at 8, he was in bed with us. All he did was get his cage rattled once. Good. By Natalia, who understood there was a weakness here and there's a foible and she had to go exploit it. Soon as she found out that he was scared to go upstairs, she was gonna go upstairs and fuck with him immediately. And fucked with he was because he woke up Every two hours. And everyone.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, as parents, how do you handle that? Do you get mad at Natalia?

[Bald Brian]

It's hard to get mad at things that you would have clearly done yourself.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You know what I mean? It is one of those things you're guilty of.

[Allison Rosen]

That's your rule of thumb.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I'd like to do better than that. But like, sometimes, you know when you talk to somebody and they're like, jesus Christ, I saw this dude and it was in a park and he was pissing against an ivy fence. What kind of animal? And you're like,

[David Wilde]

he zipped up before he turned around, right?

[Bald Brian]

It's like you try to go, yeah, I don't want my kid doing that. But on the hand, you've done it 200,000 times. So I don't know where. Where you come down on that.

[David Wilde]

All right, so poor Sonny may have a trouble with World War Z, but it's a good movie. It's only getting 67% of rotten tomatoes, although 71amongst the tops critics. The top critics. That said, I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to seeing it. I will see this again at some point.

[Bald Brian]

Wow. Praise from Bald Brian. Hooray. All right, Ed Cunningham out there. We'll talk to him about all his movies, endeavors, and like I said, King of Kong and Undefeated. Undefeated, yeah. Unbelievable.

[David Wilde]

Two great documentaries.

[Bald Brian]

Back in studio. Ed Cunningham here. Ed played some professional football. Seahawks, Cardinals, five seasons. What position did you play, Ed?

[Ed Cunningham]

I was an offensive lineman. I played center most of my career. I know I look like an accountant now, but.

[Bald Brian]

No, but, but the guys, the NFL guys, the ex linemen go one direction or another. They either balloon up and they keep going or they go, hey, I'm going to have a heart attack and end up with Mike Webster somewhere. So I'm going to get into fitness. And they, but they, they usually, they usually go from, you know, because you're playing bulked up at 280, 300. They get down or they keep going. You got down.

[Ed Cunningham]

Well, I think there's also two different types of guys who play on the line. There's guys who are born to be £320, and there's guys like me who are born to be 220, but because I'm six three and I can pound 12,000 calories a day, which is what I did from the age of 14 to 27. If you can do that in my family, we can gain weight. So I played at 290, but I think for me, this was pretty easy. But it's. There's Guys that have. You've ever been in an NFL locker room, you. If you and the guys don't. Aren't dressed.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Ed Cunningham]

I mean, you see the biggest people you've ever seen. I mean, just body parts like chests that are 50ft wide, 50 inches wide. I mean, they're just. And I just, I'm more of a normal sized guy who kind of beefed up to play.

[Bald Brian]

What are you at now?

[Ed Cunningham]

I fighting weights 218, but I'm probably 235 right now.

[Bald Brian]

I did a smaller version of that to play in high school, which is. I took my 185 pound frame.

[Ed Cunningham]

But you could do it.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but it was like falsely inflated.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Like I was like. I was like a goose liver in Europe.

[Ed Cunningham]

Well, I played in the mid-90s and it was the modern athlete now. I mean, if you took the guys from the 70s and they played against the guys playing now, it would be 400 to nothing.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Ed Cunningham]

It's that much difference. There are guys who could play from the 70s now, but just across the board, especially the size athletes. But so I played in the era with guys that are playing today and I was at a point, I played at about 292 was my best weight because I was strong enough and I was quick enough and all that. I. By the end of my career, it was just too hard. These guys, I mean, Leon Lett, I played against a guy for the Dallas Cowboys.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Ed Cunningham]

Leon could pick this building up and throw it across.

[Bald Brian]

And one of the smartest. Oh, wait a minute. Leon Lett. Leon Lett was a guy famously in the super bowl, held the ball down and Don Beebe knocked it out of his hands, which is one of the greatest hustle, sort of hustle moments in the NFL history.

[David Wilde]

He has two of the greatest all time bloopers.

[Bald Brian]

The other one, the Thanksgiving in the snow.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah, yeah. Well. But I will say in his defense was one of the best defensive linemen to this guy. Was. And so. Oh, no, he's just born that way.

[Bald Brian]

You can fuck up all day long when you're that kind of specimen.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah.

[Ed Cunningham]

I mean, that's just that guy right there. That's what he was born to look like. And I had to work my tail off that for 10 or 14 years in the weight room to get to be able to play against a dude like that.

[Bald Brian]

Yes. And whatever it is, whatever we're talking about, whether it's women's, you know, if a woman is beautiful women, stunning women are like cut a certain way.

[Allison Rosen]

We are.

[Bald Brian]

They, you Guys, it's a pretty elite sorority, but they're cut a certain way. And then there's women who can diet and get the implants and exercise all the time, whatever, but they'll never. It's never the same as the one. That's just Raquel Welch, you know, that's. That's just it. And you can live in the weight room. Allison Rosen. You can live in the weight room, and you can do all that stuff, but you're never just gonna be that phenom that these guys just sort of touch, by God kind of guys.

[Ed Cunningham]

It's unbelievable when you're. One of the coolest moments I ever had as a professional athlete. Do you remember when Michael Johnson ran that time at the Atlanta olympics in the 200 meters?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, he ran.

[Ed Cunningham]

I think it was 192 or something. Ridiculous.

[Bald Brian]

Later, he had it stripped away.

[Ed Cunningham]

No, no, no, no.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, that's Ben Johnson. Yeah.

[Ed Cunningham]

Benjamin Michael. Michael was a legit guy, and.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, that's right.

[Ed Cunningham]

I was playing for the Seattle Seahawks at the time, and we had all pro players. We had a couple guys. Guy named Cortez Kennedy, who's probably being a Hall of Fame defensive. Yeah, yeah. And we were.

[Bald Brian]

There's that name, by the way, great name. Cortez Sanity.

[Ed Cunningham]

Great guy, too. Really?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Cunningham]

But anyway, so we're in the locker room after a late practice. It was two days for us, and everyone's just rushing in there, yelling at the coaches. We got to get in there. And the whole training room was full of the best athletes in the world. And we're watching this guy run the 200, and it was dead silent. And I looked over and, like, three guys were crying because he glided across the track. And so when you get to that level of professional athlete, like, you know, I got to play against Herschel Walker. I would be on the field with him and watch him move and just say, he's just this. Just different than what I can do.

[Bald Brian]

Herschel Walker was another. Just once, you don't even. It's like.

[Ed Cunningham]

It's still that way if you've seen him.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah, insane. I mean, fighting MMA at 50. But it is Herschel Walker, right? Herschel Walker was one of these dudes where he didn't even have that much football iq. Like, you could tell. Like, when you'd see Barry Sanders run, you'd go, all right, that guy's got. Or Walter Payton run or something like that. Emmett Smith, he's got a high football iq. Herzl Walker was just such a piece of meat. Like, he'd just go, give him the ball and he'd just go, go that way. And he'd just literally start running past people or running over people. But it wasn't even like he had a savvy to him. It was just. I don't know if I'm making that up or not.

[Ed Cunningham]

He was and, you know, kind of nerd football kind of. He was a very straight line player. So he had to run at an angle on you because he could run through half of your body. But a guy like Barry Sanders, you could. I mean, in 5ft of space, he could move 10 times in a blink of an eye and you wouldn't be able to touch him. And, you know, he just had that ability. Barry Sanders was the best, I think, fluid athlete I've ever seen in my life. He was just insane what he could do on the football field. But I think Herschel was more of kind of a straight line guy.

[Bald Brian]

I still. And we're going to get into this movie, I have to come up with the. It's one of these things. It's. You know, there's certain things in life that are quietly impressive. The wideout in the early 2000s and beyond for the Raiders. It wasn't Parker.

[Ed Cunningham]

I know. Porter. Porter, Was it?

[Bald Brian]

Porter, Jerry.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah, it was Jerry Porter.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it was Jerry Porter. Jerry Porter. First off, when I went and tried out for the Raiders as just a gag for the man show, he was a rookie and he was just hanging around and he's 6364 size guy has that sort of. That kind of thing that no hips, just. It just goes into a V down ended thing and arms as wide as a condor and runs, you know, 4, 4:40. And I don't know how you're supposed to guard him because he just straight arms and then he runs past you. But we were screwing around just out on the field and he was a rookie and he just rolled out to his right and he threw a laser beam with his right arm. And I said, oh, wow, look at you. He said, yeah, I played. Played quarterback in high school. I said, okay, all these guys were the best player in their high school. They played quarterback. Now he's playing wide out. Then he rolls out to the left and he throws a laser beam with his left arm. And I said, he just threw a laser beam with your left arm and your right arm? He said, yeah, I broke my right arm in like junior year. So I had to learn to throw

[Ed Cunningham]

with my left, of course, because he needed to just keep playing.

[Bald Brian]

So he Threw a laser beam with both. Nobody does with a football. But he wasn't even playing quarterback. But he would do this move that he would do all the time in the NFL and no one else noticed it. But I would go bananas over it, which is he would hop up without getting up. He would not push off the ground. He would not even fling himself. He would put.

[David Wilde]

You'll see guys, time to time, do the thing where they, you know, snap their legs and, you know, end up on their feet.

[Bald Brian]

He would put both. I gotta. Yeah, we'll see. You'll see Porter out on the. Out on the. Out on the field in a second. But here's what he would do. He would fall on his back. He'd be laying on his back, full pads, helmet and shoulder pads. Then without putting his hands on the ground, he would take his two as if he was double jointed. He would take his shins and his heels and put them next to his thigh like it was up against his butt on both sides. Like, you can't get into that position. But he would just fling himself there and then he would lift himself up like it was like, hydraulically.

[Ed Cunningham]

Right?

[Bald Brian]

So.

[Ed Cunningham]

Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

All right, so imagine lying on your back in full pads. Lying on your back in full pads. Gian Ritchie, by the way. He's gonna fire me. A football, by the way. Full pads. There's. There's. I think that's. Yeah, there's. There's. Porter, by the way. Yeah, he should have had a bigger. And then they slammed on the football. Look how easy that is when they're done. Yeah. Now you got to show me Porter. This guy's first off. He's 220, doesn't have an ounce of fat. I'm six two, he's two inches taller than me. I'm showing him my touchdown dance move, by the way, which is pretty good. Pretty powerful stuff right there. All right, I did guard him on one play. There it is. Yeah, there you go. That's why he couldn't make it in

[Ed Cunningham]

the lead last breakup.

[Bald Brian]

All right, if you can find footage of Porter getting up again, I can't do it justice. Just imagine, lie on your back and say, I want you to stand up, but you cannot use your hands and you cannot rock up to your knees. You have to stand up, put both hands, hold a football on your chest and get up to your feet. No putting your elbows down. No putting your hands down. Put his feet right next to him, pop up that way. Do you remember a guy insane do

[Ed Cunningham]

you remember a guy named Larry Sinners? Yeah, Larry. I played with Larry in Arizona. And Larry is one of the most fascinating guys you'll ever meet. But he was also just an absolute freak athlete. You're talking about the difference between a fluid athlete, guys who can kind of move fast. Larry could make people miss in the most ridiculous ways. But one thing he also was, was a very practiced breath holder. And I didn't know this, so he

[Bald Brian]

always got his way.

[Ed Cunningham]

But I was in the hot. You know these, these NFL teams, a lot of them have these huge hot tubs because you go in there to warm up before and stretch and things. I go in there because I had a bad hamstring and I'm not kidding, I'm starting to feel hot. You know when you get in a hot tub, it's 104, 100, 506. A little on the hot side. I'm in there minute, minute and a half and all the bubbles are going, all the bubbles are going. All of a sudden Larry centers, pops up right next to me with goggles on. He stops his watch and he goes 3 minutes 48 seconds and goes right back under to hold his breath again. That's how he got ready to go out to practice.

[Bald Brian]

Crushing every black stereotype I've ever spent my life constructing.

[David Wilde]

By the way, he wasn't swimming.

[Bald Brian]

That's true.

[Ed Cunningham]

But I asked him out in practice that day. I said what are you doing? He said I don't know. I just read where it was going to help me be a better cardiovascular athlete. So that's what I did.

[Bald Brian]

Let's watch and we'll have it. Adamcroll.com youm gotta rewind a little. Now. You don't realize this 220 pound dude does not put his hands on the ground. Watch his feet go next to him and up. It looks easy because he's doing it. You try to do that movie when

[Allison Rosen]

some like Alien or something gets liquefied and when they like spring back to life off the ground. That's what it looks like.

[Bald Brian]

And now he's in the Snow. He's played three quarters. He has full shoulder pads and a 10 pound helmet on too. Is the weight right where you don't want the weight? No hands on the ground. Right, right up.

[Ed Cunningham]

I think the trick is the spine is directly above the hips and I think you have to be.

[Allison Rosen]

How does that actually help you in the game?

[Bald Brian]

A lot of cock and balls. You need what we call unsprung weight. Forward aft, not aft, but forward Compartment, you know what I mean? Just boom.

[David Wilde]

I think we just saw the only touchdown pass Kerry Collins through for the opening Raiders.

[Bald Brian]

Wow. It might have been everyone who's listening. Lie down on your floor. And I don't care if you're out on the street right now walking, lie down and try to fucking stand up without putting your hands down.

[Ed Cunningham]

Have you guys ever seen someone bench press 180 pound dumbbells?

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Ed Cunningham]

So.

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Ed Cunningham]

Have you ever seen a 180 pound dumbbell?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. That's crazy, right?

[Ed Cunningham]

So there's, you know, the pancakes or whatever dumbbell are, I think £10 each. So at 180 in each, right? You think that. Okay, that's like benching £360.

[Bald Brian]

No, but you have to control it individually.

[Ed Cunningham]

It's the most insane thing. They're so close. So I played college football with a guy who could bench press the most. Last I heard, he was benching close to 700 pounds, which is like world record. I was spotting this guy with 180 pound dumbbells one time.

[Bald Brian]

Wow.

[Ed Cunningham]

And he lost one right. Just dropped it, kept going with the other one.

[Bald Brian]

Wow.

[Ed Cunningham]

It was just the most freakish.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, we were, I was driving home with Jeff Fox, whose nephew's a powerlifter, and we were just talking about Larry Allen.

[Ed Cunningham]

Oh, yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And like they do those Hawaiian super bowl. Not Super Bowl, Pro bowl things where they're like, hey, strongest NFL player and whatever.

[David Wilde]

Skills competitions.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And then they'd get to the bench press, they put 220 on there. And Larry Allen, it's 220 pounds on a bench press. The first 30, he would do like he was doing it with a mop handle. Like it was like, oh, we got it. It was more of a time consumer than it was any else. Like he rattle off 30.

[David Wilde]

How many reps can you get in in 10 seconds?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And he was actually having to pull the bar back at himself. He's like, ka ching, ka chink, ka ching, ka chink, kaching. He'd get to like 35 and then he'd stretch for a minute and then he'd knock off another 15 or 20. That's a 220.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Fucking insane, that guy.

[Ed Cunningham]

And he was. His lower body was. Because he was in that same era with, with Leon Lett and those guys. Imagine practice, those two guys.

[Kevin Undergaro]

What?

[Bald Brian]

That was like. All right, let's talk about the project.

[David Wilde]

I have a quick follow up question about college. You went to Washington in the early 90s. Did you play with Joel McHale?

[Ed Cunningham]

Joel walked on the year after I graduated.

[David Wilde]

Oh, and you're there at the same time.

[Ed Cunningham]

We had won. I tried to tease Joel about it one time. We had won the national championship the year before. And so that was the marketing ploy that got him to finally walk onto the team.

[David Wilde]

Good job.

[Bald Brian]

We got, by the way, Finders Keepers, name of the movie. It is a crowdsourced movie. 80 grand in 30 days. The trailer can be viewed at Kickstarter page. At their Kickstarter page. And is this. Now, let's reverse this for one second. Undefeated, which I loved. King of Kong, which I loved as well. Producer means a lot of different things. Take that in the spirit in which it's intended.

[Ed Cunningham]

I drove around town.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. How did you get involved with, like, King of Kong?

[Ed Cunningham]

I was finishing up another documentary we did called New York Doll. Which was about an old glam punk rock band in the. In the seventies. New York Dolls.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Cunningham]

So we did a film called New York Doll. It was about the founding member, Arthur Killer Kane. Who became a member of the Mormon Church here in la and then got asked by Morrissey to reform the band. So we did a film about those guys reforming after being gone for 30 years. It was just kind of a cool flash in the pan. We thought we were going to film, basically kind of a family film for this guy Arthur. Some of his friends gave us money to go to New York and London. So it just became this magical thing. And I thought, well, you know, we sold it and made money. And, you know, we didn't spend much. Well, right when we were finishing that up, I was up in Seattle, Washington, where I went to school. And I was just hanging out with a buddy of mine. And I heard this story about this Donkey Kong champion who had won the championship, had won the world record. Now, this is a game that at the time was 30 plus years old, or 25 at the time. And so I heard this great story about this guy who got the record and. But then the people that verify these records showed up to his garage. And they kind of got their way in through some questionable means, perhaps. And they inspected his board. And I'm hearing this, just thinking, what is. These guys take this seriously. And so we just started following this world called Twin Galaxies. Which was this group of people that still played these games with the fervor that we all did back in the 80s. But they're all grown people mostly with jobs and everything. And we found this great. Found all these great rivalries amongst some of the great games. But the one Donkey Kong between Billy Mitchell, who was the hot sauce and still is the hot sauce entrepreneur from Hollywood, Florida. And then Steve Wiebe, who's the academy grade science teacher from Redmond, Washington. That was the focus of our film.

[Bald Brian]

The great thing about a documentary, it has really, it does not matter. It's like I always say about the movie, one of my favorites, Breaking Away, they have the little Indy 500. It's a stupid bike race, but by the end of that movie, you're standing up and screaming and cheering. It's not, it's not about how big the event is. You can make movies that are about huge events, huge personalities that just no one gives a shit about. And then you can make movies about nothing. But they're so incredibly compelling. Once you're in, you're in. And that's King of Kong you are in.

[Ed Cunningham]

And I think for me, what's been great, there's all this truth in advertising. What's a documentary? We live here. What's reality tv, what's scripted, what's not. What's nice about long form documentaries, for me anyway, is you get to. I think if you're doing it properly, you get to know people in a way that you can't get to know anyone in less than an hour and a half. You know where you get to really. So as a filmmaker, we shot for King of Kong, we probably shot over 500 hours of raw footage. And that movie's just about 80 minutes long.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Ed Cunningham]

We shot over the course of three or four years. So the amount of footage and everything we gathered about all of these people, we could really boil it down. And I think you get to know people in a way, and especially if you pace it in a narrative structure. It's three acts, there's something happening every, you know, you kind of follow all the tricks of storytelling. And then ultimately what you hope is you get something where. When Steve Wiebe breaks the record at the end, I mean, you know, I was in screenings where the whole crowd went nuts. And I mean, for us that was. That was pretty cool.

[Bald Brian]

And a catchy title. Doesn't hurt. Tell us, tell people what Undefeated is about.

[Ed Cunningham]

Undefeated is about a high school in North Memphis, Tennessee, which is one of the worst neighborhoods in America. And it's about a volunteer group of coaches and one coach in particular, this guy, Bill Courtney, who, successful business guy, has a shop near this high school. He goes to try to help out around the athletic department and just kind of becomes de facto head coach. Because these kids, there was like 14 kids on the Team, they had mismatched uniform. They were playing on a gravel lot behind the high school. The chemistry teacher who didn't know football was coaching. And so this guy, Bill Courtney, and this group of guys from out in the suburbs of Memphis, which is obviously way more affluent, they came in and they really took over the football program. So these young filmmakers had come to us because they knew about us through King of Kong and those things. And so they came to us and said, we want to move to Memphis, Tennessee for eight months and see what happens. So these young filmmakers, these three guys, just packed up their belongings, shut down their apartments. I think one guy left a lease open here, and they moved to Memphis and they shot with two or more cameras for almost eight months. And so what we were able to capture is a. This coming of age sports movie at this inner city high school in America where you're there for everything that happens over about a seven year.

[Bald Brian]

It got the Academy Award, right? Yeah.

[David Wilde]

Yes, it did.

[Bald Brian]

Do you have. Did you get a good piece of it?

[Ed Cunningham]

Well, you know what stinks about that is there was kind of six people who worked on the corps and in docs, they're limited by. They only give three trophies away and it has to be someone's name. So I missed the cut for the name I got on stage.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, okay.

[Ed Cunningham]

I have a picture of that. And that's almost the same.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Cunningham]

And so it's like the Stanley cup, though. The guys with their names let us borrow it as needed for, you know, parties, you know, whatever.

[Bald Brian]

And Finders Keepers.

[David Wilde]

I'm playing them off.

[Bald Brian]

That is not a doc.

[Ed Cunningham]

No, Finders Keepers at this point is a documentary. Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah, it's in. It's still in production. So we did the Kickstarter thing because I started filming with these folks in 2008 about a human foot that was

[Bald Brian]

found in a grill.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah. So in.

[Bald Brian]

Bought it at an auction.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah. In 2000. Absolutely true. Yeah. It sounds like an urban. No, it sounds like an urban myth. I know. Yeah. No, we. This is a. Nonfiction. I'll give you the quick thumbnail.

[Bald Brian]

Sure.

[Ed Cunningham]

2007.

[Bald Brian]

Give me the toenail.

[Ed Cunningham]

This guy. Well, the toenails were pretty much gone. It was mummified by the time they got. Found the leg. So there's this guy, Shannon Wisnan, who is kind of, for lack of a better term, an American picker. So he goes around the Southeast. He lives in this little town called Maiden, North Carolina, right outside of Charlotte. So he goes around especially during the summertime and he buys things at swap meets and yard sales. And then he and his wife drive around with a big truck of antiques or whatever they've got, and they go to the swap marts in West Virginia that specializes in that thing. And so they go kind of turn money that way. Well, he went to his local mini storage place because they have a yearly auction for the people who haven't paid their last year's bills because they auction it off. And he sees lot number 54. And whatever his bid was, he won't tell us what he bid for lot number 54 to this date. He showed me the receipt, but he's got his thumb over it when we're filming with him. And so he bid on this lot and he got it home. And he got back to his shed where he picks through everything to make sure that he is what he has of value. And there was a smoker grill. And so he didn't think much about it. And so he opens a smoker grill. And there's a mummified human leg of the whole leg, well below about mid shin down. And so he panics, freaks out. Some oil oozes out onto his hand because he squeezed it. He thought it was driftwood. And so some oil.

[Bald Brian]

So now his hand is possessed and it goes after his throat.

[Ed Cunningham]

I've seen the movies.

[Bald Brian]

Kill her hand.

[Ed Cunningham]

This is the doc version. We do the remake. We're gonna do the horror version of it. So he calls 911 and says, I've got a human foot. And of course, the first piece of archival footage material I got was this 911 call. The guy who took the 911 call keeps him on the line, and you can hear him having, you know, other employees listen in on what he's saying. He's like, wait, you have a leg?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I found it.

[Ed Cunningham]

So he drives back to the Maiden mini storage, and the cops show up and they say, oh, wait a minute. We know whose leg this is. The guy who owns the thing. Remember he had that plane crash a few years ago where his dad died and he lost his leg in that accident. So he's been storing his leg in here. So our movie is how the leg got there. And what happened when Shannon decided to sue the other guy after he bought his leg? Because he said, I bought this legally with receipt.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, he owns the leg. Correct.

[Ed Cunningham]

So of course. So the movie. Yeah, the movie's about how the leg got there, why it got there, why it was in the smoker.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, Shannon tried to sue the amputee?

[Ed Cunningham]

Correct. Under the North Carolina ad.

[Bald Brian]

Well, he's basically saying whatever's in that shed is mine. Correct. And the guy's saying, but that's my leg. And he's going, but it's in the shed. And I own everything in the shed. Right.

[Ed Cunningham]

And the best part for us, as interesting as filmmakers is of course, the lawsuit went to court. But what's great about our story is it didn't just go to court court. It went to Judge Mathis in Chicago. The season premiere of Mathis in like, 08.

[Bald Brian]

Wow.

[Ed Cunningham]

So it makes for good material for us.

[Bald Brian]

I'm in love with this. You know, I was just pitching Mike Judge last night. My idea. AIDS butler. It's been a little while.

[Ed Cunningham]

I'd like to hear the log line of that one.

[Sarah Ellis]

Well,

[Bald Brian]

it's a period piece, takes place in the, in the early 90s, late 80s, early 90s. And they used to have these when AIDS was a death sentence. So you'd find out you had aids, you had six months or a year to live. Some of these guys had life insurance policies. They were gay, so they didn't have kids. And necessarily a family. And sometimes they were estranged from their family. So here you are, you have this $5 million or million dollar life policy

[Ed Cunningham]

that's gonna work something to somebody, but

[Bald Brian]

not your fucking dad whose guts you hate, who never accepted you being gay. And you don't have kids. So what are you supposed to do? You're not married. What do you do? And you'd like to spend. The next six months or year are gonna be very expensive. And you would like to cruise around the world. So you sell your. It's a viatical agreement or settlement. And it's an interesting thing, but you sell it to like the elderly couple who lives in the retirement community in Boca Raton. And you go, look, elderly couple. You can get 2 million bucks when I die. Give me a million bucks now while I'm alive, but don't worry, I'll be dead in six months. Well, they go, fine, this is our nest egg. But we can double our nest egg as soon as you die in six to eight months. But right around the time 90, 91 AZT comes along, triple cocktail. And the guy uses the money to get the triple cocktail and get the drugs. And now aids, which just used to be. Well, enjoy the next six months of your life, becomes this chronic disease that you live with. Well, now you got the couple that's out a million bucks. This guy's not going anywhere. And this guy's thing.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah, because they're not getting the two.

[Bald Brian]

It's like, fuck you, you want me to die, but I'm not dying. And you don't get the money until I die. And I'm feeling pretty good. And by the way, this guy could be 38 and be going, going on. Yeah, there's Magic Johnson on their ass. So. But in AIDS Butler, the judge hears this news. They put, it goes in front of the court because now there's this old couple, they're 75 years old, they have this as their nest egg. They have no money. It's a weird thing like who you rooting for here? They have no money. And the judge says, look, you gotta give, you know, half the money back or you must reimburse them to some degree. And AIDS butler guy says, I don't have a penny, I spent it all, I don't have it. And they think he's lying. And everyone knows he's lying, but they can't prove it. He doesn't have the money. He's not in any bank account or anything. So the judge says, you must become their butler. There's where AIDS butler comes in and the whole time, every time he leaves to go to the supermarket or something, they're always searching through his room because they're convinced that money is stored somewhere. But the comedy ensues when like the, the grandkids come to stay and they come back, you know, from playing shuffleboard and they're doing like La Cage, you know, or whatever it's called.

[Allison Rosen]

Birdcage.

[Bald Brian]

The Birdcage. Yeah, he's teaching them and like, you know, the nine year old boy says, I'm taking a me day and having a smart cocktail. And they're like, oh my God. So, you know, it's a culture. It's the culture.

[David Wilde]

It's on Golden Pond meets the Birdcage.

[Bald Brian]

That's right, that's what it is.

[Ed Cunningham]

But the lawsuit at the middle of finer skeepers is very much that idea.

[Bald Brian]

It is.

[Ed Cunningham]

I mean, the guy bought if I sold you this shirt and there was $500 in the front pocket, it's your $500.

[Bald Brian]

No, it's a, it's, it's, it's an, it's, it's the, it's the ultimate kind of argument because it's the yin yang goes in the circle for it wherever. It's like, that's my leg, I own that leg. I own everything that's inside that storage shed. Was your leg inside that storage shed? Yes, it was.

[Ed Cunningham]

We have the legal right to Sell the Constitution.

[Allison Rosen]

Sound really naive, but I'm. But he wanted his leg back. When it was in the storage unit, he obviously wasn't that attached to it.

[Ed Cunningham]

Well, he was homeless and a crack addict at that time.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but still. Yeah, but still.

[Ed Cunningham]

Which is another part of our story, actually.

[Allison Rosen]

And also why did Shannon want to keep it?

[Ed Cunningham]

Well, because he wanted to start an oddities museum out near the highway because he thought it'd bring traffic into Maiden. And he already had a double. He had a two headed skunk and he also had a shrunk human head. And he is, you know, he's very much kind of a carnival barker. That's what you do in that business. And he got famous. These, they were flown to Germany. They were both on the. On the big show in Germany, whatever the talk show is there, with like the vice chancellor was on the stage with them. They became a big deal.

[Allison Rosen]

It's prestigious.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, the just timesaver. For all the guys who want to start the oddities museum by the side of the highway. You don't have to provide any inventory. No one will be odder than you. You will be. You will dwarf all the two headed as gopher snakes. Things in general and all the things in formaldehyde.

[Ed Cunningham]

I think the whole circus game has changed with the whole, like that thing on Venice, you know, where the people piercing play. You like the whole. I think the whole circus games.

[Bald Brian]

Really not interested. I was. Oh, Jim Rose, was it? Jim Rose in his sideshow Circus sideshow.

[Allison Rosen]

Part of Lollapalooza.

[Bald Brian]

At the beginning there was a lawsuit. Yeah, there was like. I remember the. Well, first off, I talked. It's like, you know, your life when it just seems like a dream. Like, was that me? Was that me? The band Korn, which was like one of the biggest bands in the world for like a year and a half or something. KORN was gonna go to like some huge place in like Sacramento. And they like wanted me to bring them out on stage because I don't know why, but I became the spokesperson for the band korn. I don't even know. I can tell you how that happens. Another story. But anyway, I'm there and it's a big event with all these kids, all these fucked up 13 year olds who love Korn. And then Jim Rose is gonna open for Corn. And was it the Family Values Tour? Something like that.

[Allison Rosen]

I interviewed them and Jim Rose at a location down here.

[Bald Brian]

I'm having this conversation with Jim Rose, like backstage, and I'm just going, hey, you travel on the road on the road 250 days out of the year or whatever. And I said, yeah, it's gotta be rough. Like, are you married? 21 years, same woman. Oh, where do you guys live? Mill Valley. Got a nice little place. Oh, okay. All this traveling. Oh, no, no, she travels with me. I say, oh, that sounds great. Good. You have your family with you, then. That makes it a lot less stressful. Yeah. Oh, no, she's in the show. Oh, what. What she do? She shoots fire out of her vagina. Oh, well, there you go. Have a nice little Hallmark moment back there. That's great. Have the family with you. He shoots fire out of there.

[Ed Cunningham]

How did you intro them?

[Bald Brian]

I remember first thinking, how pissed is her fucking gynecologist? You know what I mean? Like, if you wear not, you know, like the panties you wear aren't 100%

[Allison Rosen]

walking on eggshells around her.

[Bald Brian]

Well, that's true too. No charge, Mrs. Rose. No charge. Everything was great.

[David Wilde]

This is gonna sound crazy, but have you. Nah.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I mean, there's some gynecologists get pissed you're not wearing 100% cotton panties or something. This shooting fireballs out of your coos. So later on. So, I don't know, I bring out Korn or Jim Rose or something. Me and Korn get back on, like, some private plane and we go home. That's all I remember. And then, like, six months later, I get a phone call from, like, the, you know, Sacramento Police Department or something, and they're like, yeah, we're investigating a case and you're not a suspect, but we do want to know if you witnessed any of this stuff. And it's like, what. Remember in Sacramento? Yeah. Jim Rose. Yeah. He did, like, puppetry of the penis in front of, like, a group of 13 year olds. And now there's some lawsuits. And, like, did you, you know, did you cup his sack? Did you stand next to. Like, they wouldn't know. Was I involved? Was I there? Was I witnessed any of this?

[Ed Cunningham]

Sounds like you were a suspect, potentially.

[Bald Brian]

This is. This is why I person of interest. This is why I don't ask people's last name. I don't want to get involved.

[Allison Rosen]

You're like a mafia wife.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I'm always in the back, just drinking a beer in the parking lot, talking to somebody while the puppetry of the penis goes on up on stage. By the way, I was laughing with someone, like, puppetry of the penis. Who. How did that. And then I realized it was basically, you can blame the Vagina Monologues. On it because it was our answer. So many, like, guys were sitting around going, God damn it, we gotta come back with something wrong.

[Ed Cunningham]

I have a feeling. And so some vague memories of penis puppetry been around. I think it's been around for decades, or maybe even centuries. Maybe even centuries.

[Bald Brian]

The Vagina Monologue.

[Ed Cunningham]

There had to be some.

[Bald Brian]

Hold on.

[Ed Cunningham]

The joker that came out dust was blown in Rome. There had to be something.

[Bald Brian]

There had to be puppetry of the penis. But we blew the dust off the cock in response to the Vagina Monologues. They'd been put away. There were just guys sitting around going. All this talk with the vaginas just doesn't seem fair, right? We got parts too. How about we go out there and do something with our parts? How about that? You want to do cocktalk? No, no, no, no, no. That's not gonna work. That's not gonna work. Let's do. And who is that audience?

[David Wilde]

Those guys are really talented, though.

[Bald Brian]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you guys ever tried it at home?

[Ed Cunningham]

I don't think I've ever seen his routine. No.

[Bald Brian]

I couldn't even do the yo yo. Like the walking the dog thing with the yo yo. Forget about cock and ball stuff, you know what I mean? Nah. All right. I mean, once in a while, sure, you get a boner and you ball up some socks and launch it, you know, toward the hamper. I mean, stuff like, you know, normal, healthy, you know, using it as a ramp. If you bend it down and then let it go, there's a certain amount.

[David Wilde]

A trebuchet.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, trebuchet is really what it was. That was my gay porn name, Tre Boucher. All right, get ready with that news, baby girl. Let me tell you about evoice in the meantime. Oh, man. You say you don't have the money for a receptionist, but it'd be great, right? But too expensive. That's why thousands of entrepreneurs are using Evoice. They work faster, you make more money, you work smarter. You try evoice right now. You try it for free. Go to evoice.com, use the promo code Adam. It's a virtual assistant. You have your own toll free number. Dial by name directory. Plus, calls are professionally answered and routed wherever you want. Evoice even types out the voicemails. This is the one we love. You get your voicemail, you get it typed out into email form and it sent to you instantly. Anyway, you can start $10 a month. Just 10 bucks a month. And you can try it free for 30 days. Free. Go to evoice.com promo code Adam. Or go to AdamKroll.com and click on the evoice banner. E voice, baby. All right, let's do a little news. Allison.

[Ed Cunningham]

The news with Allison Rosen.

[Bald Brian]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison. Adam.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if you been following all the Paula Deen stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Well, I brought this up at the table on Saturday night, and nobody knew the answer.

[Allison Rosen]

He went to a segregated dinner, but in a different way.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Women on one side, dudes on the other.

[Ed Cunningham]

Yeah, I heard that.

[Bald Brian]

Puppetry this side, monologues that side. But we couldn't figure out what nobody at the table could understand. And these guys are smart guys that are on top of the news is. Did she call her employee the N word, or did she just admit that she's used it before in life?

[Allison Rosen]

She just admitted that she's used it. Okay, so, Paula. So the latest is that Food Network has said that they're not gonna renew her contract.

[Bald Brian]

She now lost her job, and teeth are too shiny for me.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you won't have to look at them anymore.

[Bald Brian]

Good.

[Allison Rosen]

And this whole thing started because she's being sued by an employee, or I believe maybe the manager of her restaurant, who says that it was. She was sexually harassed. And it was a culture of, like, sexism and racism at this restaurant. Paula Deen gave a deposition.

[Bald Brian]

Paula Deen didn't sexually harass her, though. No, but just. And that she didn't put a stop to it.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, right. I think that Paula Deen's brother made him another one.

[Bald Brian]

Paul?

[Allison Rosen]

No, Bubba.

[Ed Cunningham]

Bubba.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Earl actually goes with Bubba. And Paula Deen gave a deposition where she was asked, you know, have you ever used the N word? And she said, of course. And then went on to say a bunch of things, which I think perhaps the most shocking thing is that Paula Deen is speaking as if. Well, everyone does this. This is totally normal. And so that started making the news, and then it started getting kind of worse and worse. Also, she wanted to have a southern plantation style wedding for her brother and said a bunch of really offensive things in discussing that.

[Bald Brian]

So. But they have that on tape or they have a transcript or something like that. So, I mean, this is accumulation of things.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's an accumulation of.

[Adam Carolla]

Some of.

[Allison Rosen]

It's from the National Enquirer, which is questionable, but then some of it is Paula Deen in her own deposition, which is videoed, and she actually released an apology.

[Bald Brian]

All right, but so what I'm saying to everybody is, nobody can say with an honest face they've never dropped an N bomb, but they can say, I did not call my employee. Actually, my twins. Actually, one of my twins. I don't want to get the other one in trouble. But especially when you're, I don't know, 55 or 60 years old or whatever Paula Deen is. So everyone has dropped an N bomb, but has anyone directed it? I thought the problem was she directed it at an employee or something like that. But this is just a sort of gathering of racist whatevers. Cause is there a human being over the age of 40 who go, have you ever said the N word? And an answer, just look in the eye and say, no, but how. So it's how it's used, right?

[Allison Rosen]

People are. Yes, but it's interesting because people are like, I tweeted a pretty innocuous joke about it. And then people are like, oh, come on. How many times has the N word been set alone on the Adam Carolla show in the last month? And I wrote back, probably zero.

[Bald Brian]

Like, a lot.

[Allison Rosen]

It's really, really fucking weird to me that people are defending the.

[Bald Brian]

Well, but here's what I'm saying. It's like saying. Not exactly analogous, but it's like saying, do you have a knife? Have you handled a knife? Yes, but have you stabbed anyone with this knife? Meaning, what have you done with this weapon? In other words, if everybody I know has dropped the N bomb, but have you done it towards somebody or tried to hurt somebody with it, or try to get them fired or upset them? What are you doing?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's a very interesting distinction you're making. I don't know. The sense I get is that she's

[Ed Cunningham]

wielded this knife, but I think it's more. Also the Food Network just backing up. I think that. I think that's the reason.

[Allison Rosen]

That's actually the part. The part that makes me kind of shudder at her having lost her job is just that it speaks to our culture of people being so averse to controversy rather than the content of the complaint. Like, I'm sure Food Network, regardless of what it was about, is like, this is bad.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Fuck that.

[Bald Brian]

Well, it's also at the point where you're seeing this stuff on these entertainment shows. It's like she used the N word, like at somebody. Cuz again, let's not lie, she did

[Allison Rosen]

herself no favors by Apologizing and by being so open about like, well, yes, of course I have.

[Bald Brian]

Well, because it seems. It's like, look, it's like, I don't know. Look, I don't know. And again, I hang out with the pretty racist crap, but let's be honest. Do we know an adult that has not said that word?

[David Wilde]

Kids, if you've sung along with the Jay Z song or I'll be conservative and say half of the rap songs.

[Allison Rosen]

That doesn't count.

[David Wilde]

It doesn't count now.

[Bald Brian]

But who have you. What have you done with the word? Is my question. What have you done?

[Allison Rosen]

That's my question to you. In what way are you talking about it? Like using it in a joke.

[Bald Brian]

Well, like you use it in a joke. I mean, we can all agree that if everybody's gonna say, have you ever said the word, the N word before? Then everyone's gonna say, yes, I have said the N word before. Now we're gonna take it to another level. Have you ever said it in the presence of a black person? Have you ever directed it at a black person? Have you ever said it in a way that a black person, like, you ever drop an N bomb on Leon Lett? Oh, no,

[Allison Rosen]

I don't. I don't mean to have a stick up my ass, but, like, I don't think I've ever said it except in a discussion of the word. That's how much. And I don't mean to say I'm better than everyone, but I'm not.

[Bald Brian]

Okay, But I don't know. It's like every. It's like everyone is masturbated. Where have you done it? Have you done it in a schoolyard? Have you done it at home? This is one of those things. All right, maybe you've never said the word that wasn't prompted by someone else saying the word, but you did say the word.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure. Yes, yes. Discussion of the word.

[Bald Brian]

Right. And then the question is, what have you done with the word? It's who have you. Who have you intimidated with the word? Where's the damage that you've done with the word?

[Allison Rosen]

I think. Yes, yes. I think for Paula Deen, it's damaging that she wanted to have a southern plantation style wedding and she wanted to have.

[Bald Brian]

Right. But what we're doing is we're all the news. There's a couple kinds of news stories. There's the news stories where people go, hey, a boat overturned and 26 people drown. And they go, that's a news story. And then there's the news stories. Where they go, we get to seem holier than everyone else by being disgusted at whatever thing that either we've done or we know someone who's done or we've done worse. But we're going to pretend like this was huge. And that's kind of my whole Alec Baldwin thing, you know, he got pissed off at his 14 year old daughter, he called her a piggy girl. And everyone was like, oh, my dear Lord. When everyone has flown off the handle and called everyone and then people go, really? Really? A young girl? It's like, first off, she's fine. Secondly, I'm sure he was a much better dad than three quarters of our dads. And we have this righteous indignation, but it's not. But it's not really. We're not as upset about it. We're not worried that he's going to call our daughter a piggy girl or that it's going to open the door for dads calling their daughters piggy girls.

[Allison Rosen]

She revealed something that we've agreed you don't reveal to the public and didn't seem to be aware of the rules.

[Bald Brian]

Well, what we're doing, we're making this huge mistake in this country, which is we are taking people that either make jokes or have said this word or have used it in some context and turning them into racist, meaning people who go out and cause harm to people of another race intentionally, either hold them back from a career standpoint or a coach that doesn't play them because of the color of their skin or whatever. I know a billion people have dropped an N bomb. I don't know any of them who physically used either the word or that mindset to hold back a black or anything. Any race, by the way. I mean, this goes for every race you think about. Every race has an N word. Every race has a version of that. There's a Jewish version and a Chinese version. All right? Every comedian and every guy, every locker room, everybody I know has thrown around one or more of those versions for every single race, sometimes including their own, but who's actively gone out and done something about it. Like they went like, hey, I wasn't kidding about that whole chink thing. I'm not hiring a Chinese accountant. I'm not going to work with these.

[David Wilde]

Like, think twice about that.

[Bald Brian]

Who's ever taken it. So my point is we try to take all the guys in that locker room and turn them into racists. No, no, you got go out and do something. I don't, I don't. And this thing is like, well, it's a mindset or something. No, I know million guys that have fucked around with that language for every race and never gone out to police it or make, you know, put it into action. In other words, we have built this bridge and this horrible society. We've now created this bridge between the people who think something or say something and the people who do it. Like, everybody has had a fantasy about their spouse or somebody. Like, oh, what if they just went on a ship and never came back again? Or, what if I killed myself? What would people do if I killed myself? Or what if I just kept driving off this cliff? Or, what if this person, Everyone has had this, oh, I just want to wring their neck. But we don't penalize. You have to do it, and then you become that person.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it remains to be seen whether she has or hasn't, because, I mean, there was a lawsuit that started this. But I think that there's so many layers to this, because there's something else, which is. Let's look at what we're celebrating with Paula Deen, what she represents, which is the Deep south, and this mindset is part of that.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not saying everyone from there is racist, but I'm saying that it's like, you know, if someone were to have, like, a Germany and World War II cooking show, you wouldn't necessarily be surprised when certain sympathies are revealed.

[Bald Brian]

No, but I wouldn't mind if they open a fucking German restaurant around here.

[Allison Rosen]

Nazi.

[Bald Brian]

Do we need another goddamn Thai food? Place lousy with Indian and Thai food and one Hungarian place, and it fucking closed it down. All right. Anyway, but she got shit a year ago for, like, dipping everything in butter and then found out she was like.

[Ed Cunningham]

All that came back during this time. There were so many clips of butter frying in a picture pan over the last couple of days on the news.

[Bald Brian]

Anyway, maybe the chick with the Vaseline on her teeth and in her frying pan, we don't need. Did she have to be a superstar? She's also one of these people where when you talk to, like, you go, like, you know, there's always that one guy at the table is like, who's Paula Deen? And then the other three people that are overcompensating. Oh, what do you mean? She's huge. She's huge. She's like Oprah and the President combined. Bigger, bigger. And then the person's going, how come I never heard of her? And you feel like people are overcompensating, then I always go, I wonder what she's pulling down a year. And then people go, oh, no, don't kiss yourself. Paula Deena is huge. And I'm like, is she's that big or like, what kind of ratings? And then people are like, cookbooks, barbecue sauce, appearances, restaurants. You know, she's got product demos. That's right. Spatulas, tongs and spatulas alone. And then you go, all right. But anyway, I don't care.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a huge market.

[Bald Brian]

Yep.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you want to see her apology?

[Bald Brian]

I heard it. It seemed, I don't know, like someone told her to do it. And then like, again, I feel like

[Allison Rosen]

that was the wrong move.

[Bald Brian]

I do too.

[Allison Rosen]

All of this was the. I think the wrong. We should ask Garagos.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. When he comes in next. I think the thing is, the angle on this is. I used a word. I've never. I've never. But maybe she has. I've never directed it at that person. It. You know, look, but what do you

[Allison Rosen]

think of having the nostalgic antebellum themed wedding with black people dressed up as slaves?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, well, that's no good. That's. That's. I mean, unless they're handling it.

[Ed Cunningham]

I think it was in like black tie. I'm not sure. Dress could have. The report I read was it was. She wanted an all black waitstaff, but.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, but she was inspired because she went to a restaurant and she saw the all black waitstaff dressed that way and she said they looked like slaves. But that might be from the inquiry. See that I'm unclear.

[Bald Brian]

The veracity of that. She apologized. Like somebody's been thinking bad thoughts. But let me say this again, like I really want to make a distinction between those thinker of bad thoughts and those doer of bad things. And you sit down and when the dust settles, you have a human being that is either on the plus side of the ledger or the negative side of the ledger. There's guys in prison who have killed 13 people. All right, he's probably on the negative side. He's taken a bunch of lives, cost a lot of taxpayer money, been through the system, blah, blah, blah. Then there's your kind of break even guys like my dad. Like, eh, never killed any showgirls or anything, but didn't pay a lot in taxes either. Like just kind of made his way through life without making too big a wake. Didn't bother anybody. And then you get to like someone like Paula Deen. Like, you go, all right, what has she done bad? What has she done Good. She's probably paid millions in taxes. At least we got that money. That's a good thing. That puts her on the happy side of the ledger. And then she's thought some bad things or had some bad ideas. But what has she implemented? You know what I mean? Like, what has she actually done? Because we, again, have blurred the line between what you do and having a.

[Ed Cunningham]

The lawsuit was about a workplace that this person who brought the complaint says was not a friendly place, racist and

[Bald Brian]

sexist place to work. Well, we'll find out.

[Allison Rosen]

But it is interesting. I mean, she's not a politician, right? She's a cooking host.

[Bald Brian]

I know.

[Maria Menounos]

She's.

[Bald Brian]

Anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

Or was.

[Bald Brian]

All right, she's gone. Next. Get on to the next cook.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I owe Gary an apology because Kanye and Kim Kardashian. Kanye West. Kim Kardashian's baby is named North. It is Northwest. I doubted him a little bit when he said he'd read rumors because I don't know where he gets his news, but apparently right from the source.

[Bald Brian]

He should have teased everyone with N word. You know what I mean? Time was right. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

It's baffling to me how many people are defending the N word on Twitter, though. Like, you're not going that far, are you?

[Bald Brian]

What do you mean, how far? What have I said that's to a degree that's further than you think it should be?

[Allison Rosen]

I guess it did sound like I'm suggesting that from what I said, but

[Bald Brian]

I know you have a stance on this, which is like, just correctness, but I'm just interested in truth, like, practicality. I don't really have. I've done no harm to anyone, and I don't believe in ever doing that. I also believe in people are allowed to talk. I mean, let's put it this way. How much shit have you talked about other people in your life, like human beings?

[Allison Rosen]

A lot.

[Bald Brian]

A lot. We've all done a lot. Family members, friends, sometimes people that are ex friends, ex lovers, ex whatevers. And some people are still in our lives. Talk piles of shit about people. Co workers, especially. Piles of shit. But what have you done to them? Do you know what I mean? Like, have you done anything to your. I mean, you've. I've talked piles of shit about my dad, but I've never done anything to him. You've talked piles of shit about your dad? Yeah, they're done.

[Allison Rosen]

No, there's a difference. I think what I got from what you were saying is. We've all said it. What's the big deal? Is that accurate?

[Bald Brian]

We've all said it. What's the big deal? But yes, that is accurate. But we've all said it and never directed it at somebody that is a big deal and. Or implemented any of its ideology. You're making a joke or, you know, you're saying something. And again, not implement. I know people do this thing where it's like, yeah, but then you're just taking the people and you're continuing the whatever. But. And then you get into this like, well, do video games cause violence? Or like, I don't know where. That argument never ends. To me, I just want to make a distinction between saying it and doing it. The same as I want to be for arson and murder. Like, I can live with an arsonist without a pack of matches. You know what I'm saying? So I didn't know if Paula Deen and had said it and never done anything or said it and done something about it. That's the part I'm interested in. I'm in the part. I'm interested in the actions part. And if she's done anything, then she deserves to be thrown to the wolves. All right, but what was it? What got us there? What were we saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, because.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, the words shouldn't be.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, I'm saying on Twitter, there are so many people coming out, it seems, and defending it, which just seems like somewhat of an untenable position. I totally understand that.

[Bald Brian]

Here's the bottom line. Here's the other thing that no one ever wants to discuss. The black community is not doing well. And until they can right the ship or we can. All right the ship, it's going to be horrible. I would suggest that the word will lose some of its impact and some of its meaning as the community corrects itself. And poverty, unemployment, all these other things that are scourged in the black community right now as those, God willing, get better. Hopefully they do. And hopefully we can have a realistic dialogue about that. That word is going to mean less. Like, there's communities that are doing better, like the Jewish community, and they have words. Kike. So horrible. But I can say the K word. Start with an N. Oh, no, wait, Yeah, I can say kike. Now, that's not a good word for a Jew. But the community is not suffering as a whole like the black community. So it means less. It's frowned upon. But people don't really say the K word. You know what I mean? And they don't say we do whatever for. And we're creating A letter for every word now. But the best way to remedy any problem is success in the community. All right, Powerful next story. Next.

[Allison Rosen]

Edward Snowden is on the move. As of today Sunday, he's the NSA leaker. He left Hong Kong after Washington sought his extradition on espionage charges. So he's been charged with espionage. He left Hong Kong. Our judicial department is upset that Hong Kong allowed him to leave. And it looks, it's unclear exactly where he's going. It looks like he's going to Ecuador and WikiLeaks as Julian Assange. That group is helping him.

[Bald Brian]

My whole point is we should be able to get anyone we want from anywhere as long as we want them. As long as we can crush them.

[Ed Cunningham]

I think we can, actually.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Tell that to Roman.

[Ed Cunningham]

Depends if you want them alive or not.

[Bald Brian]

Tell that to Roman Polanski, though. He's on top of his 15 year old right now in Paris eating very fragrant cheese.

[David Wilde]

That's exactly what he's doing.

[Bald Brian]

That's right.

[David Wilde]

Top of a 15 year old eating

[Allison Rosen]

cheese on top of. That's an insult to injury.

[Bald Brian]

That's what I'm saying. But that's what he's doing right now.

[David Wilde]

It's not American cheese either.

[Bald Brian]

Do not kid yourself. Do not kid yourself. All right, baby girl, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, Kunst.

[Ed Cunningham]

That was the news with Alison Rose.

[Bald Brian]

Ah. DraftKings, baby. Mmm. My listeners, [e-mail] pick your team in minutes and win big cash. Five million bucks, by the way, awarded this baseball season. They're spreading it around, but football's coming up. Basketball just ended. Got many sports. You do fantasy league, but it's like daily.

[David Wilde]

Yeah. It's not just your listeners who are dominating. Your site kicks dominating, too. Actually won a couple times now. And that's daily fantasy sports. You draft your team for baseball, or if it's football for that week, and you go up against 1, 2, 10, 100 other people, and if you finish in the top, certain category, top placements, you win money.

[Ed Cunningham]

Do you know how big this is for professional sports? You know how big that's made the NFL? I know getting an audience that would never care, like the female audience has grown so much with office pools for a lot of these sports. And, you know, all the sports don't want to talk about gambling, but these types of things, they're huge for sports leagues.

[Bald Brian]

DraftKings, baby. DraftKings.com Enter the promo code Adam and double your deposit. That's dollar for dollar, double what you put in when you enter promo code. Adam DraftKings.com where your love of sports can win you cash today. That's DraftKings.com all right, finders keepers. The name of the movie. You can check out the trailer at Kickstarter. Go to their Kickstarter page. And they raised eight. Now, can you make a movie like this on 80 grand?

[Ed Cunningham]

Well, we. We have an art form where we get to a rough cut where we get a bunch of young guys to lock themselves in a cubicle for about five months to cut all the footage. So that's what we're going to do. That's what we did to raise the money was to get into post production so we can have a cut of the film that hopefully someone will buy and put out someday.

[Bald Brian]

You can again go to kickstarter.com search finders keepers and you can tweet them. Legend Grill. Thanks, Ed. This was fun.

[Ed Cunningham]

Thanks, Adam. Appreciate it.

[Maria Menounos]

Thanks, everybody.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, a couple of quick things. Us Caroline's five big shows, they're gonna go clean, so get on that. July 18th through the 20th. Me stand up. Vancouver, Commodore Ballroom, July 20th, 26th. Tickets on sale as we speak. Adamcarolla.com will turn me and Jay Moore, me and Dr. Drew reunion tour on sale at iTunes and through Adamcoralla.com and Allison Rosen, your new best friend, Shane Dawson on the show. New episodes available now on itunes and our app. And by the way, new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Why don't you go to AllisonRosen.com for all the information you need. So till next time, Adam Crowell for Ed Cunningham, Allison Rosen, and Ball Bryan saying mahalo. She shoots fire out of her vagina. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Ed Cunningham]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Bald Brian]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. Truth, isn't it? It's just so beautiful. On Pluto TV, free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100, and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV stream now. Pay never. Oh, Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, Love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also. You know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to O'Reilly. And they got all the stuff there, mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer. But my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right. Dawson stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam and that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

[Ed Cunningham]

All right, that was Adam Cole Show 1107. Coming up next, we have Adam Cole Show 1110. Also from 2013, we got Maria Menounos. Kevin Undergaro was originally released. They spelled his name wrong. I know if it's Kevin with the

[Bald Brian]

two E's, Sarah, Barry Ellis, David Wilde,

[Ed Cunningham]

Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop all in this one episode from 2013. Check it out.

[Bald Brian]

Adam Carolla, Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on Mandate. Get it on. DAVID Sarah, thank you so much for coming in. I know I was, oh, it was a year ago, maybe a year and a few weeks ago. And good day. Allison, Rosa, hello. Adam Carolla and Bold Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

Hi. This is Becky Honkington.

[Bald Brian]

I was watching the Rock and Roll hall of Fame and they inducted posthumously Laura Nero. And I was just watching them watching you do stony end and I was just so impressed.

[Sarah Ellis]

Thank you.

[Bald Brian]

And I just said, David, I want that girl in my studio. And scant 13 and a half months later, I said, you cracker.

[Maria Menounos]

You what? You creepy ass cracker, I'll do it for you.

[Bald Brian]

I'll get you. And you ask, you get. I just thought, but first off, do you get nervous with that stuff because it's different but you're performing in front of world class musicians in the audience. It's not just a bunch of drunken college age fans.

[Sarah Ellis]

No, it's like Guns N Roses and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yeah. I was terrified. Oh my God, I was so nervous that day. And then standing side stage waiting to go on, I got a pep talk from Carole King. It's like, it's like supposed to make you feel better, but you all but Then you feel really uncomfortable with that as well. The whole thing was super surreal.

[Allison Rosen]

What did she say?

[Sarah Ellis]

She's like, oh, you're gonna be great. It's gonna be fine. They're gonna love you. She's like tiny and she's so slight and she's really cool. She seems like someone I would want to hang out with.

[Bald Brian]

Shouldn't there be. I feel like there's a right thing to say and a wrong thing to say. And I feel like a lot of people say the wrong thing in that moment. Lotta, are you nervous? I'd be nervous. You know, there's a lot of. It's live, you should be nervous.

[Allison Rosen]

There's so many people out there.

[Sarah Ellis]

I would say that would take people pressure though. Like if someone just calls it like it is and you just say, God, you must be freaking out right now, aren't you? I'd be like, yes, thank you. I would feel like there would be communion in that. Like finally.

[Bald Brian]

How much practice time do you get with the band and everybody? Because it's a. It's a big kasha up there. It's a lot of strings and backup singers and.

[Sarah Ellis]

Well, I messed up. The performance is incorrect.

[Bald Brian]

It is.

[Sarah Ellis]

If you look back at it, you're

[Bald Brian]

lucky I was drunk, sister.

[Sarah Ellis]

If you look back at it at one point, you can see me look over at the band and I'm apologizing with my eyes because I screwed up the arrangement. We had two rehearsals, like two run throughs, you know, a few times, and then I screwed it up. So clearly I'm not the professional.

[Bald Brian]

Well, let's watch a little of it.

[Sarah Ellis]

Let's do.

[Bald Brian]

You tell me. I have no idea what you.

[Sarah Ellis]

I'll walk you through the screen. Like, director's cut.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I was just watching it, thinking how impressive it is. And also I always like it because I think it's. What's. Now, you guys, I'm gonna say this once and then you forget I've ever said it, right? It's what's uniquely beautiful about this country of everybody from all different groups and nationalities and backgrounds, and they all just sort of meld together together and create one beautiful instrument.

[David Wilde]

We can cut that out.

[Bald Brian]

Cut that out.

[Maria Menounos]

That is the first and most sincere thing I've ever heard you say.

[Ed Cunningham]

I love it.

[Bald Brian]

I love it when I see the Asians going nuts on the cello and the black folks singing away and the Jewish broad who wrote the song, or, you know, I like it now, it

[Allison Rosen]

sounds more like you there.

[Bald Brian]

And that one sax player with the Hat on backwards. It's every single. Every time his sax comes out, he's there.

[Maria Menounos]

We were talking before you got here, Adam, and like, I. Laura Nero was famously a nervous performer, you know, and, you know, and I think she's one of the greatest artists and one of the least recognized great artists ever. But I actually think Sarah sings this, May God forgive me, a little better than Laura. I don't think you ever. Laura ever gave a performance this beautiful. Perfect.

[Sarah Ellis]

Aw.

[Bald Brian]

She's looking up from hell right now. Enjoying this. Thanks, David. Wow. So when are you gonna screw up?

[Sarah Ellis]

I'll show you.

[David Wilde]

Okay.

[Sarah Ellis]

It's sort.

[Bald Brian]

It's.

[Sarah Ellis]

There's a whole nother verse. We're gonna have to talk about some other.

[Bald Brian]

I like listening to it, and I don't mind looking at it either. I gotta be honest.

[Sarah Ellis]

Oh, fuck.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank God.

[Sarah Ellis]

All right. I'm trying to think of some. I was just looking out and seeing all the famous people that I don't know and who don't have no idea who I am. It's great because Bette Midler introduced me, and then she's like, Sarah Bear Ellis,

[David Wilde]

could you recognize famous faces from the stage?

[Sarah Ellis]

Yes.

[David Wilde]

That's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Maria Menounos]

Oh, the rock and roll of fame. The front row is crazy every year. This year it was.

[Sarah Ellis]

And for some reason, I was at the guitar God's table. So it was me and ZZ Top and Derek Trucks, and I'm like, I don't know why I'm here.

[Bald Brian]

You gonna screw up?

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah, just wait. Oh, but I just hit the money note here, guys. Hang on to the money. Not. Here it comes. It's gonna come, I promise. I'm sorry we had to listen the whole thing. Oh, get it? But I. You can see me. I'm starting to feel pretty good because I'm like.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Towards the end, I'm like, the money note.

[Sarah Ellis]

And I'm supposed to go to a different section here. And then I. I sang the wrong

[Adam Carolla]

thing

[Sarah Ellis]

here I go. I'm gonna. Look, my voice cracked because I'm nervous, and I'm like, oh, sorry, guys. But they were super professional.

[Allison Rosen]

If you're gonna do that, you totally that up.

[David Wilde]

But that's the time to do it. You hit the note like you're already. You're riding on. You're walking on sunset at that point.

[Sarah Ellis]

Pretty good, though. And then I get over comp, and then I fuck everything up. That's like my.

[Maria Menounos]

She broke into Walking on Sunshine. It was a really great tribute to Katrina and the waves.

[Bald Brian]

But it's an interesting Psychological thing, which is in whatever endeavor, you have these sort of little marks that you go, well, this is trouble. These are the rapids. And if I can get through these rapids, then I'm good. And so emotionally, you're worried about that high note, and then you nail that high note, and then you just sort of let off like. Like you go, all right, I got this race one. But there's still a couple laps to go. You just decided to start cruising a little bit.

[David Wilde]

Right. Like that dude, the. The rookie driver, remember, who did the lap, was about to win the. Whatever it was, Indy 500. Dan Weldon came around the last.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, not Dan.

[David Wilde]

Yeah, but the dude came in the last turn who was his to win, and he just. Whatever, lost his concentration, went in the wall.

[Bald Brian]

That's a weird. You know, to me, that's a race to win.

[David Wilde]

It was the last quarter.

[Bald Brian]

It's.

[Sarah Ellis]

To me, I just want to be clear. Are you making. No talk between me? Do you feel like I just. Like it was yours to win.

[David Wilde]

That was years to win.

[Bald Brian]

Balls.

[Maria Menounos]

Just kissing Adam's ass because he's a car race car driver.

[Allison Rosen]

Crash and burn.

[Bald Brian]

No, No, I couldn't. Again. That was barely a missed shift. I could not even hear any gears grinding or any double pumping of the clutch or anything. I watched that more times than I'm comfortable admitting. I don't know what you're talking about. Thanks to the magic of Tebow, I would enjoy it on a nightly basis. Just be sitting there on my queue, and I'd leave it at that one spot, and then I'd just go back and watch you perform again. I really enjoyed it.

[Allison Rosen]

Awesome.

[Bald Brian]

Thanks. But the whole Dan Weldon thing and the whole Indy 500 thing is a weird thing that I'm not, You know, I'm not religious, but I am in sort of the great Magnet. There's a certain. I always just called it the great Magnet. And the guy who you're talking about is a rookie, is. Well, we'll figure out his name. But that guy on the last lap, went on to just hit the wall when he shouldn't have. I mean, he was just. He could have coasted and won the Indy 500 as a rookie. Hildebrand was his name. He talked to me at a race. He came up to me and announced himself as the guy who came in second at the Indy 500. It was that big a deal a few years ago. The guy who won, J.R. hildebrand. The guy who won, Dan Weldon. It was the greatest gift anyone could give you because you're in second place by a mile. And the next thing you know, this guy makes this incredible mistake on the very last corner, the very last lap, and you win the Indy 500. And then three months later, he was dead in Las Vegas at the Las Vegas Speedway.

[Allison Rosen]

He was the one who was supposed to do Apprentice.

[Bald Brian]

He was the one who. Andretti. When I was doing Apprentice and Drenny went to Vegas to do the Vegas race, and then I was. You know, it's like I was talking. That was his teammate. I was talking to him on Friday nights. Like, I go to Vegas, do this race, and his teammate died in Vegas. So you go from the greatest fortune, and then you wonder what pulled Hildebrand into the wall. You know what I mean? Like, was this guy supposed to leave this earth three months from now so we're going to give him and the biggest win in his career, or does this all just sound like crazy bullshit to you guys?

[Maria Menounos]

I think Sarah's influence making you much deeper.

[Bald Brian]

I really think it's more emotionally complex.

[Maria Menounos]

I've never. It's very profound.

[Bald Brian]

All of a sudden, when those Asian broads sing back up. Oh, no, wait a minute. I got that crew wrong.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't know. Adam is turning over a new leaf. He's trying to be less angry.

[Maria Menounos]

I'm sensing.

[Bald Brian]

I am. I'm getting nicer. I noticed that I can't do it while I'm driving. But all other places.

[Maria Menounos]

I have a question for Sarah on your new album. Is because. Because I think of Laura Nero as the patron saint of soulful New York white chicks. Like, she's the greatest ever. And your new album, is this, like, your New York. Is there any. Did the spirit of Laura touch you at all on this new record? Because this is your first record, the Blessed Unrest, as I'm saying that correctly, it's a New York. It has a New York feel. There's a song on there called Manhattan. It's beautiful. Like, one of your best songs yet. But is there kind of a North Nero New York vibe at all, you think?

[Sarah Ellis]

I suppose. I mean, in a way, I definitely think the city just. It has informed the sound intensely. I don't think you can be in New York and not sort of, like, reek of it a little bit. You know, it's. It's very infectious in that way.

[Bald Brian]

Is it the Blessed unrest or.

[Sarah Ellis]

I say the blessed unrest because it's low.

[Bald Brian]

Sounds better available, by the way. July 16th, and you're gonna go grab it over there on Amazon. Click through AdamCarol.com and bless us a little bit.

[Maria Menounos]

I would pre order it so they don't run out.

[Bald Brian]

Ooh.

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah. They're not making very many of these records.

[Bald Brian]

Smart.

[Maria Menounos]

So go now.

[Bald Brian]

So are you in the city you live in?

[Sarah Ellis]

I just moved to the West Village. Yeah, I've been in LA for 14 years.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, really?

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah, I came here. I grew up in Eureka, Northern California, and then came here to go to UCLA and then kind of just.

[Bald Brian]

Just stuck UCLA to study music or. To study what?

[Sarah Ellis]

I studied communications and I got a minor in Italian. I tried to take a music placement exam before the freshman year started. And I don't know anything about theory, so I literally looked at the test and turned it over and was like, I don't fucking know any of this shit. So I'm done.

[Bald Brian]

Are your parents educators or are they professionals? Like, they wanted you to follow your. Be educated. Or I mean, not be educated, but I mean, like, not follow music or

[Sarah Ellis]

keep me as dumb as possible. My parents. No, my dad is an insurance adjuster and then also had like a logging business in the summer. Logging is a big industry, a lot of range.

[Bald Brian]

Although it's a good business to be in where guys are using chainsaws and climbing up trees with spiders.

[Maria Menounos]

My dad was a rabbi and a smelter, so I relate very much.

[David Wilde]

Do you think that guy on the job site at the logging would be super cautious or super risky? Like, yeah, go ahead up there.

[Sarah Ellis]

No, he's like. He's taken care of. He's like, got.

[Bald Brian]

I don't know. But the lumberjack competition is the least juiciest, most insane competition in the world. And there's three or four events. They have the one where the guy has. There's like the unlimited competition with the chainsaw where the guy just has a snowmobile motor that's been modified and it weighs 200 pounds and it's on a thing that's 20ft long. It's unwieldy and they're seeing and there's smoke flying out of the thing and it's just blades flying everywhere. Then there's the crazy one where they make a notch in the log. They quickly make a notch and they shove a plank in it. Then they jump up on the plank and they start whacking away. But you keep thinking when that plank goes on the backswing, that is going into the fucking stands and it's razor sharp. Then there's all the hand stuff. But then there's the craziest one of all, is up the pole as fast as they can go. Yeah. With the rope. But then the race isn't to the top, it's to the bottom. So the fastest way to the bottom, you know, if you're a little behind when you get to the top, just go ahead and lift the rope, move your feet and you just drop.

[Allison Rosen]

My favorite thing to see lumberjacks do, and I don't know if this is something that lumberjacks really do or just things I've seen in movies where they put a log in the water and then they run on it.

[Bald Brian]

Part of the competition.

[David Wilde]

You know, I have family that does that.

[Bald Brian]

Really?

[David Wilde]

My dad's cousin is half my family.

[Bald Brian]

You've been sitting on this information for what, 10 years now?

[David Wilde]

Half my family's from Canada. From Vancouver area.

[Bald Brian]

What?

[David Wilde]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

This never comes.

[Bald Brian]

Goddamn outrage.

[David Wilde]

My dad's cousin is like. I don't know if he's professional. He can be professional. Back when I was younger, he did this stuff. Like that was his thing. He did the strap, the whack. Whack all the way up. He had the spiked shoes. The spikes were in the insole. Like in his heel. Not heel, but his instep.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[David Wilde]

And you hike all the way up and you hike all the way down. And he did the axe throwing and all that stuff.

[Bald Brian]

The log rolling. I love that.

[Sarah Ellis]

Does that even, like the other things you have to do that within, you know, the. The industry. Like, you have to get up the tree, you have to cut things down. Do you ever have to like, run on a log or is that maybe if you're cutting trees near a river.

[Bald Brian]

No.

[Sarah Ellis]

Drop something.

[Bald Brian]

That was their version. I mean, you know, this is.

[Sarah Ellis]

They're embellishing.

[Allison Rosen]

It's wood flare.

[Bald Brian]

No, but this is.

[Maria Menounos]

This is back before Macho Lord of the dance.

[Bald Brian]

There's no TiVo or you porn in the woods. You know, these guys gotta keep themselves entertained. You know what I mean? There's a lot of keeping themselves entertained.

[David Wilde]

That's kinda like. There's no atheists and foxholes. I know you born in the woods.

[Maria Menounos]

Well, some way to get wood, you

[Bald Brian]

gotta figure out a way to keep yourself kind of amused.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Also, you know, someone's gotta be the best at something. But the great part is where they get going one direction and then they stop. They do. There's a lot of eye contact.

[David Wilde]

Oh, yeah. It's all psyching each other out.

[Bald Brian]

It's very intimate. And then they'll do the one. There's a strategy where you just look at the person. You go, you Ready to go. And it'll go as fast as they can just to see if they can knock you off. And then there's all the dog part. They get the labs in there jumping off the pier.

[David Wilde]

Oh, I never saw that part.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, there's a whole dog competition where they run off the edge of the pier and they get, like, 22ft. You know, the chocolate lab just diving off. I don't know if it's part of the lumberjack or an extension of it.

[Maria Menounos]

Was this the average weekend in Eureka that Adam is describing?

[Sarah Ellis]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

And mom did what?

[Sarah Ellis]

Same thing. Log rolling. A lot of. Yeah, lumberjacking.

[Bald Brian]

Really?

[Sarah Ellis]

Lumberjaning? No, my mom worked at Kinko's for a long time, and then. And then she worked as a funeral director. After that, she worked as a secretary for my dad when I was really young. And then they split up, and that relationship got awkward, and so she got a job at Kinko's.

[Bald Brian]

And.

[Sarah Ellis]

And then the funeral thing was after I was already gone to school. So people. Because I'll say that. And people are like, oh, my God, did you see dead bodies And. No, I never saw any dead bodies.

[Bald Brian]

But the notion of. I always say this, actually, I was saying it yesterday, which is everybody. That the same human beings have days where they have to go to the dentist or have something biopsied or something like that, or get a parking ticket or whatever it is. And then there's, hey, we're taking a guided tour through Disneyland where we get to go up to the front of the line and all that. So the same human beings can have a great day, or the same human beings can be the ones that are receiving the parking ticket or getting something biopsied. I don't understand why you'd want to see everyone on their worst day all the time.

[Sarah Ellis]

I don't either.

[Bald Brian]

You want to be in the. I mean, you work at Hooters. You don't have a lot of shitty days. You're catching people in a good mood. Another words. Yeah.

[David Wilde]

What's the best job for always seeing people at their best.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I was thinking. I mean, you know, there's. Well, there's a guy who holds the giant foam core check when Ed McMahon

[David Wilde]

shows up, issuing checks for, like, a game show or something.

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah, I like a game show, too. I'm like, yeah, yeah, the good looking

[Bald Brian]

chick stands next to the stack, washer, dryer set, you know, does the thing with her hands, you know, like, hey, look at. I don't know how much we need her. I feel like. Like she's pulling focus, trying to stare at the Kenmore. Now I'm staring at her, but she's moving her hands.

[Maria Menounos]

But if you're a nice person at a funeral home, you do a lot of good in the world. Having gone through that with my dad not that many years ago. If you have an asshole on that day, that makes the worst of your life worse. And if you have a nice person, it gets you through it. So I think that's actually a great thing.

[Sarah Ellis]

That's what it fed for her is that she felt like she could get. My mom is very comforting and she felt like she could give people comfort and that made her feel good. But ultimately it took a toll and

[Allison Rosen]

she had to comfort Kinko's too, though.

[Sarah Ellis]

Kinko's is the worst place on earth.

[Allison Rosen]

Someone described it and I agree. It feels like you're in the inside of a microwave.

[Bald Brian]

Why is it the lighting Kill the Kinko's ad.

[David Wilde]

That's why it's gone.

[Bald Brian]

It's Kinko's.

[Sarah Ellis]

It was like when I would go.

[Bald Brian]

Smells like toner, right?

[Sarah Ellis]

It's just everyone. Everyone's angry and late with their shit.

[Bald Brian]

That was like.

[Sarah Ellis]

And they don't know how to use anything.

[David Wilde]

Nothing works.

[Sarah Ellis]

Nothing works. It's all like too expensive and disorganized and the binding is backwards and, you

[Allison Rosen]

know, and it's people pulling drawers out of the printer and trying to find things. And then with that feeling that you're going rogue because really it should be a Kinko's employee doing it.

[Sarah Ellis]

Totally. And then really what you're trying to do is make the calendar with like your grandkids on it and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah,

[Allison Rosen]

exactly.

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I like, struck a chord with me.

[Sarah Ellis]

Clearly.

[Allison Rosen]

I hate Kinkos so much. I hate it so much.

[Sarah Ellis]

I do.

[Bald Brian]

Do we now return First First World Proms with Sarah and Allison. And they only have goldenrod. They don't have Mustang or Ecru that just Golden Rod. I know. It's why the other. This is why the world hates us. Cuz our that we're devastated that the Kinko sucks, that I couldn't get my dog's picture on. The mug was a little askew just a little bit. And it's a total disaster. And I want to kill myself now.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that was me on my worst day, though. A Kinko's employee would have seen that anytime. I had to go to Kinko's because I've been always putting it off for months. David, you know, this was back in the day when you had to make copies of your articles oh, yeah. And it was always. I would put it off for months and months, and I'd go in and it would really be the worst day. Day of my life.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Everyone they're dealing with is on a deadline, behind, screwed up. They never work. You know, here's one where no one's ever happy. Car rental place at the airport. Every time I pull up, somebody's going, why do I bother making a reservation if you're not gonna. I ordered a full size. You guys give me a Yaris. I don't need a Yaris right now. And then a lot of, like, Sophie's Choice stuff going on where, like, we have two Denali's left and there's five of you. Well, you know, I really. I have important meeting in town. Like, there's a lot of banging.

[Maria Menounos]

That is a lot like the Holocaust.

[Bald Brian]

Adam. Yes. Oh, it's not as. I mean, obviously not quite as bad, but it's bad. You work. And then there's a lot of the ones that are affiliated with the other one where you go to the Alamo and it's like, oh, well, Hertz is our parent company, so maybe it's on their computer. And everyone seems like they're in a shitty mood. And everyone's driving a beige car with a bad interior.

[Sarah Ellis]

Why do you only have PT Cruisers? Like, when you go to rent things,

[Bald Brian]

they just have shitty American cars. And then there's a lot of confusion. Like they. There's that move where they go, you want to do the free fill up? We can do the fill up here. But then. But if you. Or you can fill up yourself. I don't care how fucking rich I get. I'm always like, no, no, I'll. We're going to fill it up and then we're gonna. And then there's some argument over how much and all that bullshit. And then there's the insurance part. I never get insurance. I don't like that judging. I just. I just had that with a valet guy where the guy had to walk around the car. And then you see him at a certain point, the car's pristine. He has to reach down and. Okay, come on, asshole. There's nothing there. It's fucking dead. Bug. You're not gonna circle that on your weird. And by the way, that's like. It's a weird coroner's thing where they have like a car carcass, like a body, and they're drawing like, bullet wounds and stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, that person on the diagram of the car.

[Bald Brian]

We should give that. I don't know who that dude is, who they use. They have a woman and a dude. I feel like we need some different ethnicities represented in that. It's just the one that would be

[Allison Rosen]

hard to write on.

[Bald Brian]

We could use a different color. We could use like a china marker for the black people. And then. Then there's no hair. I feel like the person needs some hair. You know what I'm talking about? Whenever they're filling out the thing, you could lend him some hair. All right, let's see what I want to do. David Wild. You're. What should I. Sarah, do you have a. Your people say you have an out. Do you have an out? A hard out.

[Sarah Ellis]

7:45 is my.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, okay, good. You can sit there and listen to me complain a little bit.

[Maria Menounos]

Can I. Can I mention one other song from her record, from Cyrus record? There's the single that's out or been out is a song called Brave that I love. But you have to see the video. We can hear the song. But Rashida Jones, who has got to come in soon and I think I've talked to about coming in, directed it, and the two of them made this amazing video for a great song. And I think the lyric is very much. It's not about you, but it could be.

[Bald Brian]

Could be about me.

[Maria Menounos]

It's about being brave, and I feel it's about a more morally upstanding person, I think.

[Bald Brian]

But.

[Maria Menounos]

But no one could be as brave as you. So if you. If you want to play brave a little, I think it would be a good idea.

[Bald Brian]

Listen, just because you're puss, that doesn't make me brave.

[Maria Menounos]

No, you are. Listen to the lyrics. They're not.

[Ed Cunningham]

It's.

[Maria Menounos]

It's about someone coming out. So it's close to you in a way, but it, it, it's very Adam Carolla.

[Bald Brian]

All right, we got. We got a little of that. It's going to. Oh, we got the video.

[Sarah Ellis]

This is all hidden camera stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Oh.

[Sarah Ellis]

So it was actually hidden cameras.

[Bald Brian]

So we're watching a guy dancing now. And then they don't know their. But they had to sign off to get on the video.

[Sarah Ellis]

Right. So the dancers are with me. But we went into public places all around la and then they just were dancing. They had a little earwig like headpiece where they were hearing the music and then they were dancing. And then the people around them were confused, understandably.

[Bald Brian]

So.

[Sarah Ellis]

We tried to get dancers that were just sort of normal people. Like, I didn't want to do, like super fancy. Although this.

[Bald Brian]

He's Amazing. She's giving it up. That was a face plant.

[Sarah Ellis]

My friend Summer Shapiro, she's a.

[Bald Brian]

Summer didn't get enough attention from daddy growing up because he just did a full face plant. And the concrete. Is she in Chinatown? Yeah, that's one of the worst pieces of concrete to hit the Chinatown concrete.

[Sarah Ellis]

I'm in Pershing Square.

[Maria Menounos]

How did you and Rashida come up with the idea?

[Sarah Ellis]

We wanted to. I wanted to do like a flash mob and then we saw this really cool video about a girl dancing. She was dancing in LAX and we kind of got the idea about that. And then Swap wanted to expand on that idea and bring it to a bunch of different places. Yeah. Sort of brave to put yourself out there in a public space and dance like an absolute idiot.

[Bald Brian]

Where's your big. Is there a place that would surprise us? Like, you know, you're huge in Hungary

[Sarah Ellis]

or Germany and Hungary and that is surplus place.

[Bald Brian]

Is there. Is there an Asian country? Is there? Is there?

[Sarah Ellis]

Oh God, I don't know.

[Bald Brian]

I wish you find that stuff out.

[Sarah Ellis]

I mean I. I wish. I don't think so. I would love to start a rumor.

[Bald Brian]

Singapore.

[Sarah Ellis]

I did pretty well in Singapore. I don't know. I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

Like we.

[Sarah Ellis]

I haven't toured Asia that much, but I. The Philippines actually are pretty lovely fans.

[Maria Menounos]

Brian told an amazing story before you got in about. In Italy.

[Bald Brian]

Can you talk about that?

[David Wilde]

Well, you know, I was stuck in Italy for the week after that volcano erupted. And I were stuck there and had to make our way around the country for not knowing where we're going to stay or going to do. And we had just downloaded Sarah's album and it became the soundtrack to our whole trip. And obviously it was a very celebratory trip for us.

[Bald Brian]

The. The. Yeah, the volcano was up in the air and it was up all the.

[David Wilde]

It grounded every airplane in Europe. Mean, people were stuck.

[Sarah Ellis]

That was insane.

[Bald Brian]

And so some people could take the

[David Wilde]

train back to their countries, but obviously it's not the case for us.

[Bald Brian]

Right. But if you got to get stuck somewhere.

[David Wilde]

I was going to say Italy, as I was saying earlier, not the scariest place in the world to be stuck. And we helped that we had Sarah's album to sort of be the soundtrack for our time there.

[Sarah Ellis]

You're welcome for that, I think is what you're trying to say.

[Bald Brian]

It's kind of interesting cuz it's like when you make a mix cassette back in the the day and you would use that mix cassette on like a road trip and then all those songs get kind of burned into the. Into your psyche, and you remember that time someone's got to. I. It's weird. Like, I don't. I don't. I don't know if stuff is too accessible now to. Or there's like. Do you feel like. Do you feel like kids are having too many experiences?

[Sarah Ellis]

Like, you had is so short, don't you?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And they have so much music at their fingertips in a way that we didn't. I mean, I remember when you would go on a trip, if you brought your Discman or whatever, you had to choose which albums to take with you. Okay, I want these six or these ten or whatever. Whereas now you have your whole. All your music is right there, so you don't listen to it.

[Bald Brian]

But it's not only music. I think it's everything. Like, just everything's flying at them so fast that those sort of moments you have, those. You would remember when you went to the Grand Canyon with your parents that one time when you were nine or whatever. It was a handful of experiences, but at least with my kids, there's something flying at them every day. You're. Your kids are eating sushi with Bob Dylan right now.

[Maria Menounos]

They're here.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. No, but Bob's back. They're Skyping them in. But the point is, everything is just. My kids go from one cool event to the next cool event, and I don't know how. I don't know if you have room to have them all processed and etched in and become a memory or is

[Allison Rosen]

that that your kids have access to super cool things.

[Bald Brian]

Well, my kids are super spoiled. Except for one of the problems with being spoiled is you don't really know it. You just think whoever's telling you you're spoiled is a dick.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a hallmark of being spoiled.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, it's like when someone's drunk and you're telling them yes, you calling me an asshole means you have a problem with booze, and then they go fuck you, and then they throw a bottle at you. It's not satisfying. You know, I should plan an intervention where I take them to a place with no plasma screens.

[Sarah Ellis]

Do you put restrictions on their use of electronics at all, or do you.

[Bald Brian]

No, I do. I have no restrictor plate, no governor. Back to erasing on my parenting. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have this basic theory that there's no filter anymore. It's all coming at them at light speed. They're sitting there on their iPads and their tablets And God knows what. And I now have this thing where it's just everything is going to hit them. And your whole job is to prepare them as human beings for all that is going to hit them, not to get them to avoid what is inevitably going to hit them. Because I don't feel like avoiding it's going to work anymore. There used to kind of be a, like, you know, no TV after 10 o'.

[Adam Carolla]

Clock.

[Bald Brian]

That's when the shows get a little bit racy or whatever it is now. It's just all the time, wherever, and it's on every device and it's just, it's coming from all directions.

[Maria Menounos]

Yeah. My wife did a good job of trying to make control somewhat, but after a certain point, once they get a certain age, you can't control anything. They go anyone's house, they're seeing everything. Like, I took my kids to the Kubrick exhibit the other day and it's like my younger son said, oh, yeah, I've seen like, what was it?

[Bald Brian]

Full Metal Jacket.

[Maria Menounos]

And I'm like, really? It's like, I, you know, I think I'll be the one to tell you when you're gonna see these crazy movies. By the way, there's one mutual friend you have in common who maybe you should bring up Ben Folds. You know, Sarah worked with him and was on TV with him. And I know he's one of the other people you like in music.

[Bald Brian]

I enjoy Ben quite a bit.

[Sarah Ellis]

He's a good dude.

[Bald Brian]

Great piano player. Oh, yeah. Great guy, great personality, great sense of humor. And I just love, I love that guy's art. I just love his music. And I always love the fact, and I was just sort of use him as an example, which is that guy just has no rear view mirror when it comes to art. It's like he just powers forward. He just wants to work with somebody else, do something else. Do an album with Shatner, like, just crazy stuff. Everyone else is dusting off something and bringing it back and doing a hip hop version of some hit they had 20 years ago. He just seems like he just creates, but also because he can.

[Sarah Ellis]

Very prolific individual. Absolutely. Like he does. But he also, he gave great advice to me. We worked together. He produced an album of mine, an EP that I did two years ago. And he was just about the writing process because of course, he's one of my musical heroes.

[Bald Brian]

You guys should mate.

[Sarah Ellis]

We did.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, you did?

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, you really need to. I mean, for society, for the fans.

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah, for the fans. We'll just do it for the fans.

[Bald Brian]

Well, like a super generation of crazy piano playing, you know, songwriting. You know what I mean? Like, don't you feel like your offspring.

[Sarah Ellis]

It's an obligation. I can sort of look at it.

[Bald Brian]

It's kind of a societal thing. That's what I'm saying.

[Sarah Ellis]

I'll look at it. It.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll look into it.

[Maria Menounos]

Ben tried that line. It didn't work.

[Bald Brian]

I do. I, I. I say that stuff. People think I'm joking. I'm not really. Not that much. I mean, you know, because you could hook up with a logger and they could just go that direction.

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You know, that could. That.

[Sarah Ellis]

That's true.

[Bald Brian]

You know what I mean? But if hooked up with Ben, we pretty much.

[Sarah Ellis]

I don't know, maybe. Does it cancel itself out? I thought, you know, it might. I mean.

[Bald Brian]

Well, we gotta find out.

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, there's only one real way to find this out.

[Sarah Ellis]

It's so true.

[Maria Menounos]

This segment has been sponsored by Ben Fold.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. And, I mean, it'd be a lot of pressure, but the good news is, you know, boy or girl, doesn't matter. You put him down at the piano early. Ben would have to write a song about your child and name it. At least you'd get that out of it. Even if the relationship went south. You'd get a really cool song about your kid.

[Maria Menounos]

His biggest hit was about knocking someone up.

[Ed Cunningham]

Up.

[Maria Menounos]

So there is. This could be great for him. It could be the single cycle.

[Bald Brian]

Brick 2.

[Maria Menounos]

Another brick in the wall.

[Bald Brian]

He's got the kid.

[Sarah Ellis]

Brick.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, Brick two also. I do. He also has a good song about his kid, too. I. I think I don't.

[Sarah Ellis]

He probably does.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. We'll have to figure that one out. I think it's.

[Maria Menounos]

Oh, the one. The girl's name.

[Bald Brian]

Great song. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Maria Menounos]

I know it. Twink.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Maria Menounos]

I love that song.

[Bald Brian]

All right, now let me find. All right, here's what we gotta find. We gotta find that. We gotta find. John Hyatt did a song called Georgia Ray about his daughter, which is just. I love it. Makes me. Is it Gracie? Yeah, Gracie.

[Sarah Ellis]

That's his daughter's name.

[Maria Menounos]

Yeah, that's Gracie.

[Bald Brian]

All right. Nice job. The porcelain punisher. Matt Fondelier found that.

[David Wilde]

I have a John Hines song.

[Bald Brian]

We have Georgia Ray. Oh, all right, good. Georgia Ray is probably. Yep. Georgia Ray's probably. The song's got to be from Bring the Family or Slow Turning or something like that. So what, son?

[David Wilde]

Slow Turning.

[Bald Brian]

Slow Turning. So what year are we talking about here? So George Ray's probably In rehab now.

[Maria Menounos]

It's sweet. It's sweet. When you write a song about your kids, then there's people who write songs about other people's kids that's a little less.

[Bald Brian]

A little creepy.

[Maria Menounos]

Little creepy.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Hey, Jude. That was. That was.

[Maria Menounos]

You know, that was that one for Julian.

[Bald Brian]

I had that one called Hot Neighbor Kid by the Pool. I mean, I don't sing, but I can write. But it was. No takers. All right, let's play it. Keep playing. Just wants me. Makes me want to knee my dad in the nuts for not writing a song for you. Yeah,

[Sarah Ellis]

but you know what's tricky about that is if you write. You write a song for the first kid and you have more kids.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah.

[Sarah Ellis]

You gotta write more songs for the other kids. And maybe those other songs aren't as inspired or as good. I have a friend who writes a song for every child and some of those songs just feel like an obligation.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. One sounds a little like Marietta Little Lamb. Yeah. I love a good simple line like you never know what she might do before her doing days are through. I just love a good simple sums up life. Straight, straight line like that. All right. All right, let's listen. What the hell?

[Maria Menounos]

Until you. John. John Height was the last artist that Adam likes. So that's why we're hearing John.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. All right. All right. Let me give a little love to one of our fine sponsors before we let Sarah and David bolt. Ah, perfect. Audible, baby. Thanks to audible.com I want to thank them for supporting the show. Over 100,000 books to choose from, including my book, not Taco bell material and 50 years wall be chicks, but lots of good books, lots of funny books. Like I said, Over 100,000. If you travel, if you jog, if you take the dog for a walk. Audible.com just so nice. Just load up a few books in your phone and hit the road, baby. You can get a free audiobook of your choice. You can go to audible.com ACE. That's audible.com ACE. You can get details on the page at audible.com audible.com baby. All right, Sarah, David, thank you so much. David, you can find at Wild about Music.

[Maria Menounos]

Please help me get past Rick Springfield. It's getting desperate. With your help and Sarah's help, it could happen today. It's a long battle.

[Bald Brian]

The blessed unrest. Let's go ahead and pre order that available July 16th and sarab music.com is where you go if you want to check out her website.

[Maria Menounos]

I've heard the whole album and it's I think it's her best record. And there's a song called Little Black Dress. It's my favorite song right now. So I would order it now to get ready for that song.

[Bald Brian]

All right, let's take a quick break. Be back with Maria Menounos. Next, Let's check Adam's voicemail. Brought to you by eVoice. Join thousands of entrepreneurs who use Evoice as their personal receptionist. 24 7. Get your own local toll free number, professional greeting, have calls routed and all your voicemails typed out and emailed to you for less than 10 bucks a month. Hey, Aceman, get it on. This is Richard from New Jersey. I work for the catering department of Goldman Sachs. I essentially run their Starbucks. I've been keeping track. I want to let you know that on the average day we sell roughly 45 to 50 gallons worth of regular coffee versus less than 1 gallon of decaf.

[Maria Menounos]

I know you guys were interested in

[Bald Brian]

talking about that the other day. So there you go. Take it easy. Try evoice free for 30 days. Go to evoice.com and use the promo code Adam or click the evoice [e-mail] Maria Menounos in studio. Partner, lover, Boyfriend. Just boyfriend.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Right, but long boyfriend.

[Bald Brian]

Long. Kevin Undogaro is in studio as well. Adventures. I should say Adventure of Cereal Buddies. It's available. It's a movie we talked about last time you guys were in here. Maria Menounos is in it. Artie Lang, Christopher Lloyd, out on DVD in August and available for download right now on itunes at, by the way, serial buddies.com so a couple things. What are we filming today? You got a crew in here?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we are filming a docu series on Oxygen. So they're following us around and hence they're with us now.

[Bald Brian]

And are they following you everywhere you go? What's the general theme?

[Adam Carolla]

The theme is I don't know how much I'm supposed to talk about it because I think I've gotten yelled at a couple of times.

[Bald Brian]

Kevin, get that Mangria label out. When you sip off the glass that you place toward the camera when we

[Adam Carolla]

drink, we choose Mangria.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And we do. And you know something? Everyone at afterbuzz at our network, Marie, keeps seeing a bill come in for Mangria. But I have to tell you, so the age of the hosts are anywhere from 20 to 25. They love mangria.

[Bald Brian]

Love, love, love.

[Adam Carolla]

Which I declared a spending freeze. And they're buying thousands of dollars worth of your stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Spending freeze.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'M like people.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Thank you, Adam.

[Bald Brian]

Really? Spending freeze. Let me tell you something. When you demand the spending freeze on Mangria, then people start cooking it in their tub. And the next thing you know, you got an outbreak of hep C, scurvy, cholera, all the stuff that happens when it goes underground. Then you create an underground Mangria pipeline.

[Allison Rosen]

People are overdosing because they're cutting it with stuff heads.

[Bald Brian]

And yeah, it's being rubbing alcohol, being stepped on with Manischewitz and rubbing alcohol. There's heads in duffel bags. There's a Mangria cartel. This is how Pablo Escobar came into power. Is that what you want?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

You're funding the bad people, Maria.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You're giving them. And then these people are using that money to buy guns and ammunition to continue the drug war. And you know who suffers? Not the kids. Me. Fuck those kids. Fuck em, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. I won't do it again.

[Bald Brian]

I was thinking about, I had to drive to Santa Monica to do a meeting today. I was just thinking about how, how horrific the traffic is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's where we came from. Could we kill ourselves?

[Bald Brian]

405.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Unbelievable.

[Bald Brian]

There's a couple weird ironic things that I noticed was going on in LA. I. So I drove, I took the 5 through the 110 to the 10.

[Allison Rosen]

This is gonna be like the Californians International show, right?

[Bald Brian]

But no, I'll tell you what, first thing I saw was a brand new Mercedes gull wing, like the new version of the iconic gull wing car. So it's a $300,000, you know, 500 horsepower Mercedes Gull wing. But it's bumper to bumper on the five. Just, it's going nine miles an hour at best. And it's, you know, I'm looking at the tuned exhaust and I'm seeing the shape of thing, but it's not moving. Like you could literally just walk past this autobahn. Like this thing with the ceramic brakes and this. And it has the weird. There's that weird. There's the windbreak that comes up in the back. Like there's a spoiler that comes up in the back and it gets activated. It's like, it's up and activated and it's like, my God. And then I'm driving down the 10 and I pass a convertible Bentley. Like, you know, another $300,000 car that's going 11 miles an hour. And then later on it's an Audi R8. And I thought, this is ironic that we're in the town of Supercars like, literally cars that are 200 mile an hour, $300,000 plus auto cars that are tested in the Nurburgring in Germany. And then they come here and we all just sit in traffic.

[Adam Carolla]

What were you in, though?

[Ed Cunningham]

That's my question.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And nobody rushes silo cars like la. So you either have that or you have the total shit bugs.

[Bald Brian]

My favorite game when we drive home from LAX along that one little stretch of the 110 near USC is let's see if we can find a car that's under $500. And we always find at least three.

[Allison Rosen]

I have a car question because, as you know, I'm looking for a car. When did people decide that turning a key is too difficult?

[Bald Brian]

You gotta push a button. There's gotta be a key fob.

[Adam Carolla]

So much better.

[Allison Rosen]

I love it. Is it? I love pushing the button.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Oh, the button's great.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, listen, but wait. We took my car the other night and my wife did the thing where she's like, does the car know you're next to it or do you have to get in? And, you know, and I said, you have to get in. And she's. The car doesn't even know when you're standing next to it. Like, she's really put off.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, what were you driving on the highway today?

[Bald Brian]

I was driving a Jaguar, which they let me drive for one year with a supercharger on it and 510 horsepower. It was going nine miles an hour.

[David Wilde]

It's like having a. Yeah, it's like a panther, a snow leopard, like you walking by. It's in like a way too small cage. Like, this thing needs to run free.

[Bald Brian]

It's sad. I.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, congratulations on winning the pro race.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, I don't like to get into that, but I'll share the trophies after the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt was telling us outside. Matt was telling us. I'm like, wait, he won the pro one and the celebrity one.

[Kevin Undergaro]

There's outside this.

[Bald Brian]

Not at the same time. I took two separate years to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that face. You see how happy he is?

[Bald Brian]

That was.

[Kevin Undergaro]

The two pictures you're smiling in was when you were playing football as a kid. And when you won the race, I

[Bald Brian]

said, look at how wide his smile. That's poignant shit. That was the only two times I've ever been happy. It seemed like I have to win a celebrity and a pro. But you won the pro.

[Kevin Undergaro]

But you won the pro. That's amazing.

[Bald Brian]

Thank you. All right, so enough about me, enough about cars. Let's talk about my drive To Santa Monica?

[Adam Carolla]

No,

[Bald Brian]

I just realized this town is just coming to a halt. And I feel like it's more so over the last few months. Is that just me or am I making this up? And my argument was this. And I was screaming about it on the radio show on Kevin and Bean's show the other day. But it did kind of strike me as. I said, we gotta get traffic moving. And I said, cause you know who traffic, you know who this really hurts. And then I thought about, like, everything is always like, you know, who suffers the most with traffic? The children, the poor people, the people of color. And then I thought, fuck it. Rich whitey's the one who's taking it in the ass with this one. Rich whitey really suffers.

[Allison Rosen]

Someone speaks out on their behalf.

[Bald Brian]

Well, it's about time.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Bald Brian]

No, but seriously, hey, if you're making nine bucks an hour and you're stuck in traffic, who gives a fuck? I have important meetings on their side of the hill. I'm generating a lot in tax dollars. Rich whitey's getting. Well, we all know people. Look, my mom, it doesn't matter where she gets to, wherever she's going. She's got two hours to get everywhere. She's got all day to do. She'll be fine. The one who's really getting punished are the super important people like us. We are the ones courage to come

[Kevin Undergaro]

and say, finally, someone with the gun.

[Allison Rosen]

The weight has been lifted.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. But your mom doesn't think you're doing super, super important shit. I heard.

[Bald Brian]

Well, she doesn't know. To be fair to her, his mom

[Adam Carolla]

was yelling at him today saying, yeah, she was on Conan, and she didn't even mention you.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And so, like, why would she mention me on Conan? Mama, you insane?

[Adam Carolla]

And that goes. Don't feel bad. Adam's parents still have no idea what he does. I said, the people in front of the camera get all the glory and all the credit. But like, people behind the camera that make it all happen don't get it. So I have respect and I understand what she's saying.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And in Adam's case, it's even worse because he is on camera and he still doesn't get the crack.

[Adam Carolla]

She should call up his parents.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, we'll get them together.

[Bald Brian]

Can I get your mom to call up my mom?

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, yeah. From the way you describe it, they'd

[Bald Brian]

get along famously and explain.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, lots of complaining.

[Bald Brian]

You guys want to do a little news, hang out crack wise and all that good stuff? Why don't we do that alone Allison with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

So, huge historic news. The Supreme Court struck down Defense of Marriage act and grants gays the same right that married couples have in terms of. In terms of benefits and in terms of taxes, in terms of visiting each other in the hospital, all of that stuff. In terms of.

[Bald Brian]

They're gonna have to do all that shit too, now. Oh, man, they are fucked.

[Adam Carolla]

I take full credit because I was the grand marshal at the gay Pride parade in LA this year. It was the day after my birthday party. I somehow woke up two hours away.

[Kevin Undergaro]

So you put it over the edge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I take credit.

[Bald Brian]

What was it like? Like having thousands of men that didn't want to have sex with you? Because I feel like. Kevin, take this in the spirit in which it's intended, please. All guys want to have sex with your girlfriend.

[Kevin Undergaro]

100%.

[Bald Brian]

So now you have all guys?

[Adam Carolla]

All guys? Yes.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I mean, just most guys. I always say, you know what? You have to make your peace with that.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Undergaro]

You have to make your piece of that from the beginning or you'll go insane. So I made my piece of that a long time ago.

[Bald Brian]

No, listen, it's a compliment, absolutely. But this is the. This gotta be the first time that's ever happened. There's tons and tons of guys that are pretty well built who want nothing to do with you physically. It's gotta be a nice little rest spot for you. Like a little. A little fresh air. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

It was fun.

[Bald Brian]

Mm. So you were the grand marshal?

[Adam Carolla]

I was.

[Bald Brian]

Don't you. Shouldn't they get someone gay for that? Like. Sorry, but. I mean. Nothing wrong with you. Well, I'm just saying.

[Adam Carolla]

There are enough gay advocates. They need.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No, but the gay. The gays, they love. Beautiful and famous. Love it, love it. Can't get enough of it, Right? So it was.

[Adam Carolla]

My parents came. I kept trying to get guys to go, like, flirt with my dad, go get him. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Bald Brian]

Go get him.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll think it's funny.

[Kevin Undergaro]

But if you go down that. Is it Santa Monica or Sunset?

[Bald Brian]

The one Santa Monica, honey.

[Kevin Undergaro]

You go on a Tuesday afternoon at 3 o', clock, jammed with guys, drinking and having fun, and I always say, like, if I can come back in another life gay, I think I may Want to have so much effing fun.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God, so much fun. It'd be me, Jimmy, and Joel McHale all just living in a huge mansion. We take all our incomes, we pull them all together and we just.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Tons of guys. Tons of guys coming in and out.

[Bald Brian]

We're not judging. Yeah, no judging going on.

[Allison Rosen]

Has already started separating. When he goes out to dinner in a group, the guys sit on one side and the women sit on the other.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Bald Brian]

I'm hermaphrodite?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why?

[Bald Brian]

Well, listen, that's for conversation. Here's what happens.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I'll be with you boys.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it cause you're over talking to women about nothing?

[Bald Brian]

No. Yeah, sometimes. No. Here's what happened. I had a dinner for my buddy Daniel, and Jimmy was there, and Mike Judge showed up and a few other guys. And then everyone was there with their wife. And we all did that thing where we sat with the wife, the guy, the wife. And then everyone was shouting across the table at the guy. And I wanted to get caught up with Mike Judge, not my wife. I mean, we can get caught up in the car. We got an hour's worth of traffic on the way home. We get all caught up on. I want to find out who Mike Judge was screwing. And he wanted to tell me, but he didn't want to yell it over the table. And at a certain point, after everyone just yelled back and forth, our buddy Daniel said, look, let's just call this what it is. Let's just stop it. Let's segregate chicks over here, dudes over there. We can all have our separate conversations, and everyone is fucking happy as a clown.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Back in the day, it was like if you had a dinner with family or with your friends, the women would then go in the kitchen, do dishes and gossip, and the guys would have their drinks and watch football.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, so, yeah, we've regrets. Sheryl Sandberg is right.

[Bald Brian]

That's what it was.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Excellent play calling.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you reading that right now?

[Bald Brian]

Great. Shortstop for the Cubs, right?

[David Wilde]

Second base, second base, first base.

[Bald Brian]

We all enjoyed it, so I'm not advocating it. But I did come up. I think. I don't know if we came up with it on the show, but, you know, you go, but when you do that. Because if it's a couple, you know, the couple's of you guys and my wife, we go, we can't do this thing where Kevin and I go, we're gonna sit over here, and you guys go sit over there. Where's the over under?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, where you draw the Line.

[Bald Brian]

I think we draw the line is when they include the tip at, like, the party of six. That's when it's safe to do the segregation.

[Allison Rosen]

So if gratuity is included, then you segregate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because there's too many people at the table.

[Bald Brian]

And it may float a little bit at different restaurants, but that's how much. That's where you draw the line.

[Adam Carolla]

But I agree with that, because when Kevin and I go to restaurants, people are always so nervous that they wanna sit with their spouse. We're like. We see them all the time. I wanna hang out with whoever it is that we're there to catch up with. So it just. It does. It becomes an.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, but I feel like. I feel like a lot of wives don't like it. They want the bozo, the guy next to them. Right. I think it's the wife. Do you think the wife wants to get rid of the guy?

[Bald Brian]

I don't think it's the guy, but I think the guy wants to advertise to the world that this is where I wanna sit. But speaking of gay, by the way, as I was. We were all fantasizing about.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yes. About how amazing it would be to

[Bald Brian]

be gay at a certain point. I was just looking at Mike Judge going, what do you got, ten thousand million dollars in the bank, you know? And then, you know, Jimmy's gonna sign a big contract and all that stuff. Just kind of looking around the table, and there's a couple pretty affluent guys there.

[David Wilde]

The table is tilting.

[Kevin Undergaro]

That's right.

[Bald Brian]

And I said. I said, somebody made a joke like, hey, we ought to just all live together. And they all went like, hey, maybe we'll all just go live together. And I said, you guys are gonna be broke. We're gonna live in a fucking crystal mansion on top of a hill. It's gonna be awesome, by the way,

[Kevin Undergaro]

like so many gay guys do because they have no kids. The two of them working, always having money.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Now, what a life. And we could be gay together, too.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I mean, our next life. Next gay life.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Next life.

[Allison Rosen]

Who would be your number one gay crush?

[Bald Brian]

Ooh.

[Adam Carolla]

Good question.

[Bald Brian]

You know, I. I see.

[Kevin Undergaro]

By the way, would you be a twink or a bear? Because you're right.

[Bald Brian]

It's interesting. You're in between.

[Kevin Undergaro]

You are.

[Bald Brian]

I.

[Kevin Undergaro]

You're like a hybrid.

[Bald Brian]

Here's the thing. The problem is, is when you talk to straight guys about who you'd be into gay, they pick guys like they're heterosexual, you know? Like, I always go, I want an Asian dude Because he's hairless, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Right, right. You're thinking with your straight mind.

[Bald Brian]

My straight mind?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You can't use your straight line.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Also, you know, very feminine. And that's not necessarily gay.

[Bald Brian]

Right. I don't want to. I don't. You can't ask who you're gay. You have to be gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

If you were gay, who would be your number one crush?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Cheer up and be excited.

[Bald Brian]

Great job. I like, first off, one of the reasons why I would be gay is so I could just bang everybody. I'd move, I'd move around. I. I would not want to confine myself with a towel.

[Kevin Undergaro]

You're definitely going. You're going younger, right? Well, you got to go because you're the money guy. You don't need to be with those guys.

[Bald Brian]

No, I need.

[David Wilde]

You need your Scott Thorson somewhere.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Absolutely.

[Bald Brian]

I need what I call cock candy. You know, something. Something that just looks good on my dick, you know?

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yes.

[Bald Brian]

Walking around. You know what I mean?

[David Wilde]

I want the moment in the movie where you hand the plastic surgeon a picture of yourself.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[David Wilde]

Make him look like this. It's like, oh, an accident victim.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, no, no, I'm gonna do that. I want nothing like this.

[David Wilde]

Maybe too much.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, come on. How dare you? But, yeah, I'd have some cock candy, you know, and I'd treat him right, you know?

[Kevin Undergaro]

So celebrity wise, can we think of anyone like between 17, 25.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Channing Tatum.

[Kevin Undergaro]

It's nice. Cause you're tall too.

[Adam Carolla]

He's channing all over his Tatum.

[Bald Brian]

He's gotta have his taint him. He's got a little t. Too much heat going on right now.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Plus too big for him.

[Bald Brian]

I don't like that. I could say I'm not in the mood to go. Yeah, you are. I'm not in the mood. I'm telling you, you are the can.

[Adam Carolla]

John can make you laugh.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah. He's Asian. He's a doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

He's small, so it wouldn't hurt you. No.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Not good looking enough. No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

We watched him in Hangover.

[David Wilde]

Maria's onto something because you want practicality. You want somebody can. Like Taylor Lautner would be good. Cause he's strong. He can lift things around the house and get you into like, you know, hot.

[Bald Brian]

Chong is. Yeah. The problem with doctors is they're good

[David Wilde]

if you're too old.

[Bald Brian]

Let me tell you something old.

[Allison Rosen]

If you're old, he's not settling down.

[Bald Brian]

Why are we going old?

[Kevin Undergaro]

Why are we going old? What are we doing?

[Bald Brian]

We want a young cutie. Look, here's the thing.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm with you.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Thank you. Right.

[Bald Brian]

The doctor's good because if you have a, you know, stroke or heart attack or something, he's Johnny on the spot.

[Kevin Undergaro]

But he's gonna be in the clique as the gay friend.

[Bald Brian]

They can also poison you pretty easily and get away with it, too. Like, if a doctor wants you to go, they can make you go for Dr. Conrad Murray. Though I feel like you need to.

[Allison Rosen]

To be with someone from One Direction or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Harry Styles.

[Bald Brian]

Harry.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Or I'm thinking, is it some of Bieber?

[Maria Menounos]

No.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Is it something from Hunger Games or Twilight? That would be a great one.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why he said Taylor.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Ryan. Ryan Goling. No, no, no. From the Twilight guy. Who's the. The famous Paton? Robert Patson.

[Bald Brian]

Hold on a second.

[David Wilde]

I don't know.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Maybe I don't like. I'm not good looking. Weird looking. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Too much.

[Maria Menounos]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, honey, who would yours be?

[Bald Brian]

Can I make a suggestion? Please. He's a really nice guy.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Who's that?

[Bald Brian]

Who? Well, no, he doesn't skew as young as you'd like to go, but Ryan Phillipe is a really cool dude.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No, you're right.

[Bald Brian]

He's easy on the eyes. I spent a lot of time talking to him. I'm thinking long term, very grounded. Yeah, long term.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Because I was thinking Bieber, but then I know it's a fling.

[Bald Brian]

No. Someone you could bring home to mom.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Ryan Felipe's the guy. That's the guy. You're right. Long term.

[Bald Brian]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

You'd be such a breath of fresh air after Reese, I bet.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You'd be nothing like her.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No. Yeah, totally opposite.

[Bald Brian]

Right. And he'd do a lot of like. Reese would never say that.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

And that kind of stuff. So what I would do is I'd go around with some young hot cock candy for a while and then I just settle in with Ryan.

[Kevin Undergaro]

That's it.

[Bald Brian]

That's what I would do.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you guys are fighting for Ryan, so now the three of you have to live together.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, that's. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Adam is not going for monogamy, though. I don't know, Kevin, if you would be.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No, I'm having fun.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

So it'd be fine.

[Bald Brian]

They could work together.

[Kevin Undergaro]

So much fun. Oh, my God, I'm gonna get so much hog. It's gonna be unbelievable.

[Bald Brian]

You know what's weird about guys? I never really thought about it. We just did the Thing where you went, well, you have to think about it through the mind and the eye. You have to be. If you're gonna go, like, who would you want? If you were gay, you couldn't just pick hairless dudes that looked like chicks. That's not gay. But. But the gay. The part. The libido part. And then if you're gay, you have to think gay. But the part where multiple partners multiple times feels very heterosexual, but it's maybe even gayer. Like the one common ground that the heterosexual and the gay male, the one part of the brain we definitely signed off on. We don't agree on a lot of things, but we do agree on lots of ass.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Lots of ass.

[Bald Brian]

A variety of ass.

[Allison Rosen]

More man than straight men, I would say.

[Bald Brian]

Well, the thing is. Well, here's the thing. We will never find out because I would argue that if you took straight guys and the answer was always yes, to the point where it's like, we needed something. We need to invent something called a glory hole. Because we can't talk anymore. Like, we gotta start fucking ten minutes after we meet. Like, if you. Like when you do take, like, you get close to that with like the George Clooneys of the world or, you know, historically, there's been dudes. I don't know, you pick the Rat Pack or whoever it is. Like, whoever.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Frank.

[Bald Brian]

Some of the famous guys. That's almost like being gay in the sense that your partner, whoever you meet, however long ago you met them, there's no such thing as no. It's on. They want it as much as you want it. So you got two carnivores deciding on when you're going to cut into the brisket. And that's the answer's now. You know, when you're dealing with straight guys. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Gay guys move faster. They can get through more partners, but they're not meeting any resistance.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Brian]

You want Maria, that's good. But you gotta go out to dinner.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

You gotta pretend like you're listening. There's all sorts of stuff.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, you've gotta work.

[Bald Brian]

It's a lot of talk. Oh, yes. I've rescued my puppy, too.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah. Oh, you're so funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna have to ask my gay friends what the resistance levels are. I need a good. I need to be more educated.

[Bald Brian]

I'm trying to think. Like, I mean, if you go to

[Allison Rosen]

a bar, I mean, just fatigue probably eventually sets in.

[Bald Brian]

But if you. If you go to a gay bar and you just. Dudes looking for dudes, I Don't know what the. There ain't a whole lot of paperwork.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but there ain't a lot of paperwork when it's got dudes looking for girls and you're at the right place. You know, the girls are going in there wearing Maria Scott.

[Bald Brian]

That slows. Slows you down, though.

[Adam Carolla]

You with a nice car to take them home. And they know that. That they're probably going to be expected

[Bald Brian]

to put out now.

[Kevin Undergaro]

It still takes a lot more. A lot more work.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Bald Brian]

Not more work.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I have to. I have to. There's no interview my gay friends to find out.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, there's.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they require dinners? Do they require a little more money?

[Bald Brian]

Let's find that out. Let's get to that. Well, one of the things is the grand marshal.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, right. You could.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't fully participate in the. In the. In the conversation.

[Bald Brian]

Next time.

[Kevin Undergaro]

This should fall in your jurisdiction.

[Adam Carolla]

It's equal right now.

[Bald Brian]

Well, the point is everyone can get married and Good. And let's just stop talking about pot and gay marriage. I can't take. You know, there's really three things that really. If you would have gone back in time a few years ago and just said, we're not gonna. We will never stop talking about race, pot and gay marriage, like in 2013. Well, we wouldn't know who she was 15 years ago, but we will not. And you'd be like, well, pot's gonna be. Basically everyone who wants pot's gonna have pot. And everyone knows a gay couple or whatever. It's been around for, you know, many, many years. We'll have a black president going on his second term, but we'll never stop talking about these three. We'll never stop going around about these three topics. I would have called you insane, like, if you would have told me that in 1999. We're never gonna stop. I just wanna go. Let's just move on. Can we just move on?

[Adam Carolla]

Fix it and move on?

[Bald Brian]

All right, look, let everyone get married, let everyone smoke pot, let everyone be black, and let's move on. That's what I'm saying. Moving on.

[Allison Rosen]

So pro football player Hernandez has been charged with murder. Aaron Hernandez has arrested when a charge

[Bald Brian]

of white guy

[Allison Rosen]

for the murder of Odin Lloyd.

[Bald Brian]

He's guilty of being Hispanic and living in the Boston area. That's what he's guilty of.

[David Wilde]

It's not going to go well for him.

[Adam Carolla]

I just interviewed him at the Grove a couple of weeks ago. Coincidentally, crazy, randomly, he was there for. I Think a Puma deal.

[Bald Brian]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And we were talking about what a role model he's become in this. It aired on our show tonight and last night, of course, as this has all been breaking.

[Bald Brian]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's crazy. What crazy? He just signed a 40 million dollar deal. How did he go from a 40 million dollar deal to a 4x4 sell? I watched this in such amazement because I'm a die hard Patriots fan. And so I just finished interviewing him, gushing over how I really needed him to like pull it off this year for us. I couldn't go to the super bowl and be disappointed one more year after many years of winning. But anyway, I didn't want to be disappointed anymore. And everyone gushing about how cute he is and blah, blah, blah after the interview. And then this.

[Bald Brian]

First off, you know, when smart sane people sit around and go, why would you do this? You know, like, we do a lot of that. You know, we do a lot of why would you fly. Why would they fly an airplane into a building? They're killing themselves.

[Kevin Undergaro]

They're not even killing people. But see, flying into a building, those. A terrorist who've just lived in sand and have nothing. What's particularly insane about this is this is a guy that had it all, had everything. This isn't a guy that just came out of the hood and then just did this. So that's why I think if he really did this, he especially just needs to be in a cage.

[Allison Rosen]

The rest of the country might not have.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I'm just saying, I'm pretty sure he, it seems like he did, but, you know, you never know. But so I'm just saying, like, for this guy to have had everything and on top of it saying, okay, now I'm just going to do X, Y, Z.

[Adam Carolla]

They have so much evidence right now. So I mean, who knows what, whether he pulled the trigger or someone in the car pulled the trigger. They have video of them all driving to that industrial park before leaving. They have video of him breaking, you know, all this stuff and getting house

[Allison Rosen]

cleaners in and the text messages of the victim to his sister.

[Adam Carolla]

They have so much evidence that they've really carefully put together over this, you know, small amount of time. It's crazy. And all these other people coming forward saying, here are these other charges.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah, now they're linking him to another murder, a couple murders.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What was he like when you interviewed him? Murderous?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I didn't.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Not after that.

[Adam Carolla]

I woke up this morning, I'm like, I may have interviewed a murderer. Just a Few weeks ago.

[Bald Brian]

What do you think the motive was? And as far as Kevin, like this whole throw it away thing. First off, athletes, they are very visceral. That's why they're able to do what they do.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Testosterone and everything else.

[Bald Brian]

If you're going to go through the middle and stretch out, when there's, you know, five, there's a free safety coming at you at full who runs a 4, 4 40, and his head's down. Like, if you're willing, if you're going to get up in your head and think about it, you can't play because you're going to go, I'm going to allocate him on that one. I'm not going to do that. That's insane. So as like any athlete I do believe has that ability, sort of OJ to disconnect, disconnect and flip a switch, whether you're fighter or ball player or whatever it is, to just go or to flip that switch, even if you're playing something that's not violent. But you're playing center field for the Yankees, and it's the seventh game of the World Series and there's. There's a towering fly hit and you're under the lights to coast under that ball and take it out of the night air without going, oh, my God, what's going on? There's millions of people watching and billions wagered and all that kind of. You've got to be able to get out of where you're at right now, and you have to have a whole life of. So you can't be thinking about what would happen if you drop this ball. You just got to go, it's on. I'm over. And I think these guys, the reason they get into trouble because you go, you're rich. You have a family this big house. What are you doing stabbing people? This is insane. Flip, switch, boom. Same thing that makes them go over the middle and stretch out when they're gonna get killed. Same thing that makes them be able to squeeze the trigger and kill someone else.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And they're saying he was a blood or a Crip on one of them. So that makes sense. So when he was with the gang, it's just like being on the team. And when he's with the gang, I'm like, we got to go do this. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going out for the past affiliations

[Bald Brian]

and saying it was a blood. Wait a minute. Is he Hispanic? What is he?

[Adam Carolla]

He's Hispanic.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. I thought you had to be black.

[David Wilde]

Oh, come on, get with it, buddy. This is today's blood.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know modern day Bloods.

[Bald Brian]

Really? Grandpa's Bloods.

[Kevin Undergaro]

We were trying to figure out Crystal

[Allison Rosen]

Bloods, Connecticut, where he went to high school.

[Bald Brian]

Is it at Bristol Bloods?

[David Wilde]

Yes, it's at Bloods.

[Kevin Undergaro]

So we just want to be fair and give them a shot.

[Bald Brian]

Org or. Com.

[David Wilde]

Technically, it's at the Real Bloods because someone had. Had Bloods.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Okay, good.

[Adam Carolla]

But how about his. His former play or player? Former teammate? Excuse me. I can't think right now. The Mangria is getting in my head.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt Light, his former teammate Matt Light came out against him today, too, and said, I never endorsed or condone what he did or whatever. He had some quote.

[Bald Brian]

I'm sure he has blood tattooed on his blood.

[Kevin Undergaro]

He's a Blood like me.

[Bald Brian]

Right? This is insane, too, because the groning Gronkowski can't stop breaking his form over and over again when he's not on the dance floor. That is so it's like, you know, Hernandez would have got a lot of touches this year.

[David Wilde]

I did tweet about how great Tom Durady's life was about a year ago, and he was like, man, I got two great tight ends and Wes Welker, and no distractions at the quarterback position.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what they're saying? This doesn't really explain what the motive is, but the story is that the victim was dating Hernandez's fiance's sister, and they were out one night, and he spoke to, quote, the wrong people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And Hernandez was so upset, like, that's what he was pissed about. That doesn't explain it to me. But that's, I think, what we understand to be what happened.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Adam, are you seeing how big he is in this picture?

[Bald Brian]

Yes.

[David Wilde]

Look at.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Look at the ceiling.

[Bald Brian]

And his head looks like a drop ceiling.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Perhaps, but it does also looks like a trailer.

[Bald Brian]

He's a lot of man. All right.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And by the way, and now the argument we were having is, is he gonna get it harder in prison for being the guy who had it on, lost it, or is he gonna be okay? Cause he's a Blood.

[Bald Brian]

Well, he's definitely not going into the general pop, but he's gotta hang out if he does with his, you know, prison is just pretty much blacks over there, Hispanics over there, Jews. No, you guys, Come on, Marty, not walk in a circle and puff yourself up. Come on, come on. Create an illusion.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like the smile takes away from the menacing aspect of the gang signs.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, he's now cool. With me. The craziest, you know, the craziest one of these of all time is the whole Ray Carruth one where he was. He was wide out for the Panthers. Panthers, I think he was a Pro Bowler. They had a Pro bowl season, have signed a big contract. You don't remember Ray Carruth? Ray Carruth is the one that decided that his gal, who was, you know, like nine months pregnant, he didn't want to be around her anymore. And so he gave a guy like 5 grand just to kind of pull up.

[David Wilde]

He's actually kind of diabolical.

[Bald Brian]

He said he went to a movie with his nine months pregnant girl girlfriend,

[Kevin Undergaro]

waiting for the trap door to open.

[Bald Brian]

They went out and saw the movie. Then they like went back to his place and made love. And then they said, let's go sleep over at your place. You follow me? And they're like, she followed in her car down some, like, back road, and at some point he stopped and blocked her essentially. And another car, who he paid, pulled up and just started opening fire into the car. And it was just like, he didn't want the kid, he didn't want the girlfriend. I don't know. The kid ended up living. She ended up making a 911 call where she's like, it's Ray Carruth. And he's in front of me and he just called this ambush on me. And then she died. That was like, the guy, the kid's

[David Wilde]

like, severely disabled too.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, the kid is alive and severely disabled.

[David Wilde]

And she made an identification from like her hospital bed, like, wrote it out. Like, Ray knew Ray did this or whatever.

[Bald Brian]

Right. And then chilling shit. Like, showed up. Showed up to visit her. Showed up to visit with his new gal pal. Like, with his gal pal. Like, literally didn't leave his new pal. Like, when her grieving mom is in there, her daughter's struggling for her life. They're struggling to have her unborn child is severely. Survives, severely impaired. He comes in with his new gal friend.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, well, he's hurting too.

[Bald Brian]

This is how he grades.

[Adam Carolla]

He went to the hospital to see them with his girlfriend.

[Bald Brian]

Yes, I do. I do believe that. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When was this?

[Bald Brian]

This is about 10 years ago.

[David Wilde]

That's the part of the story.

[Bald Brian]

I don't need to look. I don't need to look at this same picture over and over again. I need to see what year and where he played and all that. All that kind of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Unbelievable.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. 1999. People are not.

[David Wilde]

He sure paid for the Panthers.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah, Played for the Panthers. And if he Wasn't a pro bowler. He was.

[David Wilde]

He was a noble player.

[Bald Brian]

He was a starter. Yeah, he would have. If you had, you would have drafted him in your roto league and then been really pissed off.

[Allison Rosen]

I just. It sounds so obvious, but I just don't understand wanting to get rid of someone so much that you resort. I don't understand what makes someone resort to that when you could just say, I don't think this is working out. Let's not see each other anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that's. You don't have. If you kill them, you don't have to pay child support, have to deal with their nagging calls all the time, have to go to court, have to do all that stuff that I watch so much MSNBC investigates. And every time I see people get married, I'm like, mm, you better really like them because this is why people kill people. It's crazy because they don't want to get divorced and have to deal with all of that. So they pluck them so they don't have to deal with it. They don't realize they're gonna get caught.

[Bald Brian]

And by the way, we gotta find this story. It was like real sports or something like that. But I mean, it's like you can get anyone killed for five grand.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Trust me, we know.

[Bald Brian]

Wait.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And less and less we've dealt with it.

[Bald Brian]

You shopped around?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[David Wilde]

Is there an Angie list for this kind of thing that we should know about?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why that's right on Crazy Diary of the Mouth.

[Bald Brian]

They interviewed the guy who did it and he's like five grand. It's like my biggest regret. I should have shot her in the head. I screwed up and she was able to talk. You know this guy, by the way. Talk about this fella. Hey, fella, chap. Who does not know this 24 year old woman who's nine months pregnant. Would you just go ahead and just unload a clip into the side of her car in her head if you could, for five grand? Well, 25. I'm gonna need 2,500 up front and then another 2,500 when I'm done.

[Allison Rosen]

He needs to have more self respect. His work is worth more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we've heard people from back home, they were good. They got caught and their prices were like even cheaper than that actually. Yeah, it's horrifying and you're horrified. You're like, oh my God. To break a knee was like $800. To get two knees was really $1,200. Oh, yeah, the pricing.

[David Wilde]

If you upgraded the deluxe package, you get everything else below.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, these are friends.

[Adam Carolla]

These are just people back. Yeah, back east.

[Kevin Undergaro]

My friend's a. He's a. He's a state policeman, so he always sends me all the stuff.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, really?

[Kevin Undergaro]

In our hometown. And one of the people he had busted, you know, his recorders in the Boston Globe as well. But they broke down all the prices. And when you did, it was like. It was horrifying to see. I think the. I think to kill was like. It was in the twos.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Kevin Undergaro]

That's the economy.

[Bald Brian]

You could not.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I mean, since 2008. Forget it.

[Bald Brian]

It's literally the price of the world's shittiest used pickup truck. Like a pickup truck with 500,000 miles on. It's beat the shit.

[David Wilde]

You really do get what you pay for, though, because Ray Carruth, who was making millions of dollars a year, how do you upgrade it to maybe a slightly more professional hitman?

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[David Wilde]

Sounds chilling. Probably would have done the deal.

[Bald Brian]

No, he should have used a pro.

[Allison Rosen]

You're investing in you. Really?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Sherica Adams. Let's see. Real estate agent, blah, blah, blah. They've been casually dating, and she was shot five times. And, you know, she was. Yeah, but she called 911 before she went. And now the kid. Now it's one of these things, too,

[Adam Carolla]

where we don't know if it was

[Bald Brian]

from that he's in prison. Ray Carrus in prison, but he has a kid who's 14 years old or something like that. And then you get that weird thing where her mother. The mother, the victim, does a thing where it's like, well, it's still his dad, you know, Steal his dad. And it's like, really, sweetie? Wow. Because there's certain points where, you know, you just kind of. Kind of cut bait, move on in life. Like, you know, he deserves to know his daddy. Like, really? This could be an interesting conversation. Ray Carruth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Bald Brian]

He's probably stoked at this whole Hernandez shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Bald Brian]

First off, someone I can throw a ball around with, like, first off, someone else. Secondly, when I'm talking about, you know, like, going just past the linebacker's hook zone and then breaking and doing a double pump. Someone knows what the fuck I'm talking about.

[David Wilde]

It is a shorthand that professionals use.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was just thinking that's crazy, too. Is the sister or the guy who was murdered and it was the sister he was texting with, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he said, I'm with.

[Allison Rosen]

This just Wanted to let you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just so you know, he was basically saying if anything happens to me because

[Allison Rosen]

he started to get nervous when they were in the. Because they got in the car to talk about it. And then he started to feel nervous. Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

So he texted from the car with Aaron.

[Allison Rosen]

He said, NFL.

[Adam Carolla]

So was that three something am I believe?

[Sarah Ellis]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I thought it was p.m. oh, my God. Sometime in the afternoon. Okay. That's what I was missing. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't understand.

[Adam Carolla]

Just moments later, he was dead, basically.

[Bald Brian]

You know, it's always got to be weird, too, is there's something, you know, Hernandez, these guys are always like the biggest guy at their high school. Like the idea that you went to high school locally and now you're starring for the Patriots. You know, there's. There's a cafeteria with your name on it somewhere. Something. Somebody's got to go. Get that sign down now.

[David Wilde]

Chip it away.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[David Wilde]

Thank God it's summertime.

[Bald Brian]

Yep. All right, let me give a. Let me chip away to one of our fine, fine sponsors. Stamps.com, baby. Oh, boy. I don't mail it in, but you can mail it in with stamps dot com. All the service the post office provides right at your pretty little fingertips. You can buy and print official US postage for any letter, package, or class of mail. Stamps.com even gives you a little digital scale. Automatically calculates exact postage and 55 bucks free postage as well. So it's a no risk. Try 110 bucks bonus offer. You get the digital scale. The scale plugs in your computer. You put your thing on there. It tells you, you know what? I'm going to start experimenting with this thing. Let's get one of these scales because, like, here's the whole point. I want to send this coffee mug to Vermont. What do you think? Is it a buck 22? Is it 245? Like where. And my point is, you'd always put an extra buck. If I was sending this coffee mug to someone I knew in Vermont, I put at least a buck 50 worth of extra stamps on the box.

[Allison Rosen]

I would, too. I would, too. And back in the days when I used to use. When I used to mail things more often, I would actually weigh it, figure it out, and then put extra on anyway. I wasn't even eyeballing it. I knew, but I went extra.

[Bald Brian]

Well, you put on your. Put on the little scale plugged in your computer, and it prints out of your own printer. The postage. Unbelievable. Like magic. Go to stamps.com. now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. And type in Adam. That is stamps.com promo code Adam. All right, let's do another story.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, let me just finish this out with the text messages. So the men picked up Lloyd at his home at 2:30am they drove around in the rented car, discussed what happened at the nightclub, and then Lloyd texted his sister, did you see who I am with? She said, who? He wrote NFL. And then a minute later, sent one final text. Just so you know, now I'm curious about how this whole we're gonna pick you up at 2:30am to talk thing went, but. Yeah, who does that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you know that they're probably. Yeah, they'd all been partying or whatever. Who knows? Yeah, that's probably normal in their world. But also, how can you avoid it? If he says he's coming and he wants to talk to you, what are

[Bald Brian]

you gonna do, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

You know, shut off all the lights,

[Adam Carolla]

you know, the real covers and your jammies.

[Bald Brian]

The real loser here there is the folks who are giving. So you basically do this. I mean, you want to talk about, like, you got to run this country, sort of like a business. And I always say there's people that are on sort of the plus side of the ledger, and then there's the other ones that are cranking out a bunch of kids that they're not taking care of and throwing their gum everywhere and not paying any taxes and fucking my life up. Shooting their lives, not turning right on a red when they're getting on the

[Adam Carolla]

405 when you want to get some.

[Bald Brian]

But look at it this way. You got this guy, and you have a $40 million contract sitting around, and this guy's pretty young. Could have another payday, 20, 25 million bucks coming four or five years down the road. You're basically taking this. I'll round down and say $50 million worth of revenue. Uncle Sam is gonna wet his fucking stinky beak to the tune of at least, you know, 20 million bucks out of this guy's. He's not getting $50 million. We're getting. Uncle Sam's getting 20 million, and he'll maybe get 30 if he plays it. Right now we're getting zero, and we're gonna have to pay to incarcerate this guy for, you know, on death row in segregation or whatever they can't have in general, Pop. I mean, that ain't.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no death row, Massachusetts.

[Bald Brian]

That ain't cheap. Well, now, that's gotta suck for the prisoners. Wouldn't you Want to say I'm on

[Adam Carolla]

death row just for the cred.

[Bald Brian]

Well, you never get executed.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Kevin Undergaro]

By the way, do you know how many of them actually want death row because of that?

[Bald Brian]

There should be. Yeah.

[Kevin Undergaro]

They get conjugal visits, they get better food and they know they're never going to get killed.

[Adam Carolla]

So see, I talked to somebody and they said that wasn't true.

[Bald Brian]

Either way. No, here's the point. It's gonna. We've now removed all that. This guy will generate every jersey the guy would sell. Who knows, those may go.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll go to somebody else.

[Bald Brian]

All that at all.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No.

[Bald Brian]

You know, but all I'm saying is

[Adam Carolla]

getting a raise because he's going to be our tight end this season.

[Bald Brian]

Robert Kraft should pay for his incarceration. Wow. Heavy.

[David Wilde]

So we don't have to. We don't have the bill.

[Bald Brian]

I'm just saying we just took. Or we, you know, he should be furloughed to play somebody during the season or something. Let's get the fucking money out of this. Let's have him pay for the millions. I mean, but look at it this way. His case is very high profile. There's no death row, so he's strong as an ox. He's 27 years old.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe he should be in prison. Except let out to play.

[Bald Brian]

That's furloughed for the game. Time play.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[Bald Brian]

Get the paycheck.

[David Wilde]

No practice though.

[Bald Brian]

Get the mayor of the joint.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah. He doesn't get the check.

[Bald Brian]

He's got a handmail on the playbook.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

I'm just saying he's. Look at it this way. He's 26, 27. I don't know how old he is.

[Allison Rosen]

I think he's 23.

[Adam Carolla]

23.

[Bald Brian]

Jesus Christ. He left college early then to. He's been in the league for two years, three years.

[Kevin Undergaro]

This would have been his third.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, this will be his third.

[David Wilde]

He's new to the league.

[Bald Brian]

Jesus. He was. Had a hell of a couple of years. Anyway, this guy is going to be in prison for 50 something years to the tune of 60 grand a year. Times, you know, 50 something years. It's gonna cost us money. You know who's paying for that? You and me.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. We're screwed again.

[Bald Brian]

So let's get him out, let's get that contract going and let's let him play.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know what's crazy is I was interviewing a prosecutor, former prosecutor today about this case and she said that even though he pled not guilty, it appears like behind the scenes there's a plea deal being worked out that they're negotiating. So maybe he can, you know, point the finger somewhere else because there have been some negotiations going on.

[Bald Brian]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

So we'll see.

[David Wilde]

Ray Lewis, part two.

[Bald Brian]

Mm.

[Kevin Undergaro]

First thing I was thinking when it happened is like, is this the new Ray Lewis?

[Bald Brian]

Well, look, if that's what's gonna happen, I hope he goes in and stays in, because I don't want any talking about Jesus Christ. All I need is for him to get freed and start talking about Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

But, you know, there was a quote recently where he said, I have a baby now. I have to change my ways. There was a quote recently. He's like, I have to change my ways. I have to start thinking about. Start thinking about my little one that's looking up to me now. It was very poignant and kind of there's a little foreshadowing, I guess, going on there.

[Bald Brian]

Also, it is kind of weird when there's a guy that all you know is he's rich, he's young, he has a kid, and he plays for one of the most popular teams in the league, and he starts going, you know, it's time for me to put the past behind. And you're like, what? You're what? Pass. Change my ways. What ways? What ways are we talking about? Like, stop talking.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. What are you guessing to being good

[Bald Brian]

dads and being good husbands? You don't have to change your ways. So I'm not sure what you're talking about, but maybe you should play it a little closer to the best.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so there's this video that has gone viral. It's from somewhere out of the Middle east, and it shows a dog coming upon a dead puppy and then burying the puppy completely. And it's been written up in Huffington Post, USA Today, Yahoo, bunch of places. And their angle has been, look at this amazing thing. This dog is burying the dead just like people do. It's amazing.

[Bald Brian]

Someone's gonna ruin it for us, though, right? Yes. Somebody knows something about it.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Wilde]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

A dead puppy buried this dead puppy. Isn't that so. So it's just like what humans do. Isn't that amazing?

[Bald Brian]

Aaron Hernandez shot it, but at some point, somebody is gonna tell us, no, he's burying it so when he comes back later, he can eat it.

[David Wilde]

The balloon's gonna be.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's exactly what happened. I mean, no, no, no. That's. We didn't see the dog do that. But an animal behavior specialist says, no, this is what dog. This is instinctual Dog behavior. This is what they do with something they wanna eat later.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, where was the dog again?

[Allison Rosen]

Somewhere out of the Middle East.

[Bald Brian]

Don't you feel like those animal behavior specialists are just fucking huge buzz kills, you know what I mean? Like, oh, look at my cat, he loves me. He's rubbing up. He's just trying to rub his own dander on you, so let other cats know. All right? It seems affectionate what he's doing. Why do you have to fucking shit on every movement?

[Allison Rosen]

Do they ever interpret anything to be affectionate?

[Bald Brian]

No, it's never like, oh, him rubbing on your knee, that means he thinks you lost weight. Wait, my dog?

[Kevin Undergaro]

I had a doctor tell me just last week that the dogs aren't capable of emotions. They just mimic your emotions.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Kevin Undergaro]

So when a dog's happy and sees you come home, it's. They're mimicking your emotions.

[Bald Brian]

My dog is doing my least favorite activity right now, which is. I do love it. I love it when it gets super hot. Like it's 114 degrees today and watching what animals do when it gets super hot. It's what we all wish we could do. Just like lay down, get on the linoleum. Yeah. But we all have to just get dressed and go out and pretend like we're human beings. But my dog gets the vent in the bathroom where the tile floor is, spreads out as much surface area as humanly possible. Literally spreads out all over it. And then, in my opinion, sucks in the fresh cold air that's coming out of the vent and farts out warm hot air for me to inhale in the house. That's what she does. She's like, really just some sort of heat gas chamber that takes in the cold that I want.

[David Wilde]

Heater.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. That I take. The cold that I pay for. It all has to pass through her system and then it just gets farted out.

[Allison Rosen]

The interesting thing about dog farts is that they're a special unique kind of offal. That for a second you look at each other like, Oliver,

[Adam Carolla]

I think Benny just farted. And then I'm like, ugh.

[Bald Brian]

Do we.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but there are babies, so do

[Bald Brian]

we have video, by the way?

[Allison Rosen]

We do have this. The dog video. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

Uh huh. Now, was this.

[Allison Rosen]

I know it's sad because there's a dead puppy, but the dog is pushing sand over it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't buy that the dog went back there and ate it.

[Allison Rosen]

No, no.

[Bald Brian]

It sold it to a rottweiler and then used the money for crack. But yeah, dogs, as much as we'd

[Adam Carolla]

Love dogs, to be honest, are really special dogs.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but not special. Like, I care about this dead thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Border collies have really, like, a special thing of God. I have special dogs that are not border collies at home, I believe, but.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, they're not listening.

[Adam Carolla]

I think border collies are really unique. There's something about.

[Allison Rosen]

They're the most. Supposed to be the most intelligent.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there you go.

[David Wilde]

See?

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Smart enough to bury something they want

[Adam Carolla]

to eat later for two years. And I just saw something different with her.

[Allison Rosen]

Like a respect for the dead or.

[Adam Carolla]

No, just like a high level of intelligence. Yeah.

[Bald Brian]

What do you do with all the foster families who have the last name of Foster? Because I feel like that's a very popular name, and they probably do a fair amount of fostering, and it's got to lead to a super who's on first. Yeah, we heard. You're the foster family.

[David Wilde]

It's the foster family.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, we saw the mailbox.

[David Wilde]

The Fosters are my family. They're fostering me.

[Bald Brian]

We saw your name on the mailbox. You're Foster then.

[David Wilde]

I'm not a Foster. But they're all Fosters. But I'm being fostered by the Fosters.

[Bald Brian]

All right, this is getting confusing. I need a cold.

[David Wilde]

I'll draw you a diagram.

[Bald Brian]

All I know is that's your biological mom and dad in there, right? The Foster.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Foster. You're a Foster, so clearly you're part of the Foster.

[Bald Brian]

Names on the welcome mat.

[David Wilde]

Right, but they. Foster.

[Bald Brian]

Right. Living the Fosters out of the good. Right? We've established that. We're just talking a circle here.

[David Wilde]

They're always technically foster.

[Bald Brian]

Tell your dad I want to talk to him. Oh, that's cruel.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Are you part of the ice cream franchise?

[David Wilde]

No, no, no. Not part of the franchise.

[Bald Brian]

Do miss those. All right, one more. What else we got? Was that again? Would it like a soldier take that or something?

[Sarah Ellis]

It's.

[Allison Rosen]

It's unclear. It's just. It's one of those viral videos that comes out of nowhere and no one knows, but everyone talks about. All right, so I don't think they know. The creator of Family Ties died, so it's a loss for me.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I know. That would kill you, Allison. I know because I know you're in that world.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, Facts of Life is that. Yeah. There's no parallel.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm there with you.

[Allison Rosen]

And then Family Ties.

[Adam Carolla]

Never watched Family Ties.

[Allison Rosen]

You did. That was so good.

[David Wilde]

Oh, yeah, I never saw it either. It's any good.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Facts of Life.

[Bald Brian]

There was a neighbor Named Boner. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's Growing Pains, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a neighbor named Skippy.

[Bald Brian]

Skippy, yes, Skippy.

[Allison Rosen]

And Skippy loved Mallory. There was. Okay, wait a minute. There were two hippies.

[Bald Brian]

Didn't Skippy go missing and, like, kill himself or something?

[Allison Rosen]

No, that's Boner.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, shit. Grieving for Skippy and not Boner. No.

[Allison Rosen]

And you know why his name was Boner? Because his character's name was Mike stabone. Just the 10 of us spun off of Growing Pains.

[Bald Brian]

Bill Kirkenbauer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Coach Lubbock.

[Bald Brian]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

But in Family Ties world. So there was Steve and Elise. They were hippies. They gave birth to Alex P. Keaton, Republican, who you know. And then he had his sister Mallory and Jen. And then later, Andrew.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Andrew came.

[Bald Brian]

Little Andrew.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Little Andrew.

[Ed Cunningham]

Greetings.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Were dying. And we brought him in.

[Allison Rosen]

It was a good show. Really good.

[Bald Brian]

Now he'll be missed. That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Boner will be missed.

[Bald Brian]

So wait a minute. Boner still here? No, no, Boner's gone. Skippy still here.

[Allison Rosen]

Correct.

[Bald Brian]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

And Skippy's a comedian. Mark Price.

[Adam Carolla]

You should have Skippy in.

[Allison Rosen]

I had Skippy on my show, my web show, a while ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I remember seeing your. You must have sent a tweet, because I remember that for some reason.

[Allison Rosen]

I think I might have tweeted with Skippy.

[Bald Brian]

Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, I. I think I tweeted that Skippy had emailed me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, maybe that's what it was. I remember something, you know, Michael J.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Fox coming back to TV with a new show.

[Bald Brian]

How do you think Mallory is about? Jason.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, Justine Bateman and Jason Bateman. Jason Bateman having quite a career.

[Bald Brian]

There was a pretty good stretch.

[Allison Rosen]

I think she designed jewelry or something.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No, she came out strong.

[Bald Brian]

There was a pretty good stretch. You know, at some point, they had a conversation that she doesn't remember that he'll never forget. That went a little something like, look, you don't understand the responsibility I have. To my fans, obviously, you couldn't understand it. But to my fans, I'm just on the Hogan's. Yeah, you're doing a little. Yeah, you got a little work with your two different moms, Sandy Duncan and Valley Harper. What I have, what we have, I mean, obviously we get a 21 share in the demo, so it's, you know, pretty off the charts. But you don't know what it's like to not be able to have a life, because everywhere I go, I'm recognized. Everywhere I go, people stop me. Now everyone wants an autograph and, like, you know, he just had to fucking suck that up for like, like eight years. And then all of a sudden it's like, Jesus Christ. She's having a crazy film career and she's making jade jewelry. Probably sends him belt buckles every year for Christmas.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

With daggers.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like she could have a comeback if she wanted, though.

[Bald Brian]

I would like. No, I would like. Here's what, here's what I would like to do. There's. I don't know who. I would like. Certain family members. I would like to sit down and get them drunk, shit faced on Mangria and then really start talking to everyone.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No, even better. No, no. Can we go one step better?

[Bald Brian]

Jimmy Bale, Scott.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No, but there was a Jimmy Bale. There was like.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, but we're talking Scott Bale's Scott Bale's brother, right? I would love to travel.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Travolta.

[Bald Brian]

We should throw this party.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. You know, she was on Charles and Charge.

[Bald Brian]

All right, now here's what we do.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm done. I'm in.

[Bald Brian]

Here's how you have the power to throw this part.

[Adam Carolla]

You can do it. I'll co host it.

[Bald Brian]

Here's how we do it. We first off, we pretend like Kevin was never born. This is going to be one of these things. No, I'm out. I'm taking Lynette.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, just for Chinese food now.

[Bald Brian]

But you hang out somewhere. But not wor. And we start.

[Adam Carolla]

We start always with the wives.

[Bald Brian]

We start bringing people in, you know, just. Hey, Bob Swayze. What's Swayze's brother's name?

[David Wilde]

I actually have no idea.

[Kevin Undergaro]

There's so many.

[Bald Brian]

The problem with Swayze's brother is he looks like an evil caricature of Patrick Swayze.

[Allison Rosen]

He's more Swayze than Swayze.

[Bald Brian]

He's more Swayze than Swayze because Patrick

[Adam Carolla]

Scott, he would look like really, really, really evil.

[Bald Brian]

We'll get really fucked up.

[Adam Carolla]

Clint Howard, like three Mangrias.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, we'll get him really jacked up. And we'll get all these guys. I. I already know that I can get Stallone is that much. Don Swayze is the brother I'm thinking of. And we just start getting all. With Justine Bateman, you know, we just get everyone in there, but they don't know. It starts to dawn on them like, isn't your brother? But they won't know in advance. They'll just think now, no goatee. No goatee. Please find pictures that represent these guys like the stars. So. Well, Swayze wasn't a goatee. Guy. That's why. I mean. All right, there he is, Patrick's brother.

[Adam Carolla]

Not him. Not Patrick.

[Bald Brian]

It's more Swayze than Swayze, right?

[Allison Rosen]

With a little Dr. Oz thrown in.

[Sarah Ellis]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Brilliant.

[Bald Brian]

All right, we get them all together, and then we just start flowing with the Mangria. And then we just start. We start light, you know what I mean? Like a funny story about you and your brother growing up. Oh, man. The first time we were camping and he put cherry tomatoes in my sleeping bag. It was pretty funny. But then you start moving forward a little bit, and at a certain point, this part comes out. Here's how, you know, it's on where they go, you know, we came out to California originally because I had a pilot, you know, and I was kind of. I was always kind of, you know, the big brother kind of. I was. People didn't know. I was all Valley Quarterback. People didn't know that about me. But originally we came out because I had a cb, I had a pilot. I believe in cbs. And I remember little Patrick just came along just to kind of hang out. And my parents. And then some point, there's going to be a divorce, and then there's going to be a part where Jason took the dad's side and Justine took mama's side or something like that. We're going to keep topping off that Mangria for you. And then we do this. You. You know, we start asking about their projects. Like, we go, so, you know, what you think of Hogan's Family was that. Did you enjoy that show? Did you guys? For that kind of thing for their audience? I guess for those people, you know, it's gonna start creeping.

[Adam Carolla]

And they talk about how they walked away.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, they walked away. Yeah. Yeah. No, the business didn't quit then.

[Adam Carolla]

I had to take time off.

[Bald Brian]

They quit the business. Yeah. And then we start getting into this thing where, you know, you do this little thing where it's like. And then. So you. Then Jason. You guys talk a lot. Define a lot. You know, a little more Mangria, you know what I mean? Did you see him over Christmas.

[Adam Carolla]

Evil.

[Bald Brian]

This last Christmas or. No, we couldn't. And then it starts to. Well, turn. His wife's. Anyway, she has this thing about me. I wanted to borrow money to buy some jade once because I want to buy in bulk. Because you're safe. Because they pass it along. Okay. But obviously, I was going to flip those earrings and immediately pay back. But his wife. And we start working in. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

But see, I think it would be, you know, tell you. The truth. You know, he was an asshole and he treated everyone around him like shit. And I didn't want to be around that. I just couldn't have that. Like they. They do the self righteous thing. Like they're now going to be.

[Kevin Undergaro]

That wasn't for me. I need to walk away from all of this.

[Adam Carolla]

But Jason. Jason. Fun to a slightly evil pretty fast. They did a lot of mangrias. All of a sudden we're in like getting evil territory.

[Kevin Undergaro]

There's. I think there's more names. We're not. I'm surprised. Brian. You know Kevin Dillon.

[David Wilde]

Kevin Dillon is. They did a less interesting version of this in the movie Fred Claus. They had something like the Siblings Anonymous. And it was Stephen Baldwin and Stallone and Roger Clinton was in it. Good news. No one saw that movie and it was terrible. So you should go ahead and do this.

[Adam Carolla]

That was Vince Vaughn, right?

[David Wilde]

It was Vince Vaughn.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah. Paul Giamond. We got a picture of the guy who Don Swayze's daughter married, but no. Yeah. Come up with more of these guys. Yeah. Crazy, right? Looks like he just. It says a tattoo. Says racist.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, his forehead is a tattoo name, same saying Racist.

[Bald Brian]

No, he can. You can name your forehead. He named it racist.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[David Wilde]

He licensed it to.

[Allison Rosen]

He looks like a nice guy, though.

[Bald Brian]

Who does that?

[Allison Rosen]

Look at that look in his eyes.

[Bald Brian]

He has a swastika teardrop thing. Oh, the swastika.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even get to the swastika. I couldn't get off racist on his

[Kevin Undergaro]

forehead and the barbed wire.

[Bald Brian]

Now, see, this is why they, you know, him and Aaron Hernandez can't hang out together in general pocket. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's a leader of the Supreme White Alliance. I feel like those. The white supremacist groups. I feel like they try too hard in their titles. You know what I mean? When they get the grand. There's a lot of grand and poobah and clans and wizards and all this stuff. They should go a little smaller, just like RaceCo or something like that. You know what I mean? Like something a little smoother, something a little shorter. Something wasn't trying to. He's the grand wizard of the supreme alliance of White Superior. You know, it gets a little like you're overcompensating. Meanwhile, there's nine of you guys and you meet at a Denny's every second Thursday. You're trying too hard.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You could be the new young, hip face of this movement.

[Bald Brian]

I should. I could tell him. Yeah, let's reel it in. With the name. Oh, by the way, there's an Owen and Luke Wilson brother. There's an Andrew. Oh, no, he's invited.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Wait, Bill Murray is not Brian Doyle, but there's another Joel Murray who's actually

[David Wilde]

quite a good actor.

[Bald Brian]

He can come out too. But here. But let's. Let's work this out. We don't need guys that are professionals and physicists and doing quite nicely in other fields. We need the. We came out to California for me, my pile.

[Kevin Undergaro]

As many Culkins, Rory Culkin, Macaulay Culkin is many.

[Bald Brian]

No, no, it's gonna be good tv. It's gonna be awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we're gonna do this on tv? I thought we were just having a party.

[Bald Brian]

What would be the funny cameras?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Bald Brian]

No, we gotta film it.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, it's gonna be great.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What would you call it? Shit talk.

[David Wilde]

Oh, Drinks with Maria.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, my God. Now welcome back. Well, and I'll do. Sir, I'll do the heavy lifting because you're gonna be pretty shit faced. I'm angria too. Yeah, clearly. Yeah. Well, welcome back to CF with Maria Menounos here, Don Swayze. Turns out. Don, come here, Don. Don's vomit. Oh, Don's vomiting. All right, we'll wait. We'll wait. It's gonna be awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll wait.

[Bald Brian]

Oh, there's a third Olsen sister. Oh, you see this idea? Just like one of the things, right? We can't lay down track fast enough for this idea train.

[Adam Carolla]

But this happens at Madonna's brother.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. Oh, he's was recently arrested.

[David Wilde]

Angelina Lee's brother.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Oh, that's right. He's an actor.

[Bald Brian]

And then we're gonna. We're eventually we're gonna run into someone who's a little bit delusional, who goes, you know, I'm more famous than whoever we're talking about.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, that's the best.

[Bald Brian]

And you'll be like, oh, I love them. No, I don't want to be mean, but obviously they're on the COVID Vanity Fair. I know I could be. But I choose.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I just choose not to know because I keep it real.

[Adam Carolla]

I need that. You know, I just, you know.

[Bald Brian]

Right.

[Kevin Undergaro]

No, we love.

[Bald Brian]

Those are the best.

[Adam Carolla]

How many times have we heard stories from people who literally will say to us, no, I didn't need that Hollywood, you know, I just. I moved back home. I needed to be, you know, back in like real places with real people. Like, and they have all these built in excuses as to why.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But make it instead of just being Honest and, like, humble and nice. Like, you have to turn it against us for, like, now we're bad people.

[Bald Brian]

But also they're on your show hawking a book about all the guys they fucked whose names you know. So it's like you didn't want the limelight or you should turn your back on the limelight. Turn around.

[Allison Rosen]

You weren't on their terms.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You've written the book about your sister and you've completely sold her out.

[Bald Brian]

Bill Murray's other brother's Andy.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Andy Murray.

[Bald Brian]

Let's just do it. It'll be called oh, wait.

[Ed Cunningham]

Oh.

[Bald Brian]

Woo.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And he had a John Cusack movie in the 80s.

[Bald Brian]

Better name. Maria Menounos presents Sloppy Seconds.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I like it.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Love it, love it.

[Bald Brian]

And we do this whole thing where it's like, Murray, Olson, Swayze, you know, the names just come flying out. Seems like the greatest dinner party ever, huh?

[Allison Rosen]

I love it.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I love it. Mark Cronin from Surreal Life, he'll take so bad.

[Bald Brian]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

So bad.

[Bald Brian]

Let's come back to earth here. Legal Zoom, baby. Great Americans built this country. Great Americans like Henry Ford, Steve Jobs and Swayze. Those guys were great. Legal Zoom celebrates innovation by helping you launch your dream. You can apply for a patent, register for trademark, protect your products, incorporate, form an llc, launch your business, whatever you like. You can call them or you can go online and visit them. Legalzoom.com you go to legalzoom.com they take care of everything. Start to finish, soup to nuts. They've helped millions of people get started. They're going to help you do it right. And don't forget to use the promo code Adam. Save even [e-mail] Dawson. Celebrate innovation with LegalZoom. And for a limited time, get a special price on trademark, copyright and patent applications by using the code Adam at checkout. Protect your creator creations and launch your [e-mail] LegalZoom can provide self help services at your specific direction or they can connect you to an attorney. But they are not a law firm. Christian Slater's got a younger brother named Ryan or a brother named Ryan. And you know, his mom's a big casting chick, so you know she was trying to cast Ryan, Right? He didn't. He didn't just go into chemistry. Brad Pitt's got a brother named Doug. Doug.

[David Wilde]

That can't be right.

[Bald Brian]

Doug Pitt.

[David Wilde]

If his middle names are a, I'll mind Doug.

[Bald Brian]

Is there really?

[Kevin Undergaro]

Are they?

[Bald Brian]

Oh, that's according to the Internet.

[Allison Rosen]

Wahlberg.

[Bald Brian]

Wow, Grandpa does have a brother named Doug. Fit.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't know that?

[David Wilde]

No.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, but does Doug try to act.

[Bald Brian]

Hold on. You simply sound like I'm ever. It can't be a science traveler for not knowing that.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it weird to be like, but Brian, does he act as, like, I

[David Wilde]

don't know, like he.

[Adam Carolla]

You can see. So that they're very similar looking. Right, Right. But Brad gets all the credit for being hot. But this guy looks just like him. He just doesn't have the, like, the cool hairdo maybe. I mean, and wouldn't it be weird to just have your brother who looks just like you get all the credit for being the hot one and you're pretty much exactly the same.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Are we thinking summer replacement for Sloppy Seconds? Are we thinking more? Is this more.

[Bald Brian]

This going on the fall schedule?

[Kevin Undergaro]

Fall, okay. And cable, not network.

[Bald Brian]

Yeah, I mean, it's gonna, you know,

[Kevin Undergaro]

because we can be more real if

[Bald Brian]

we go to real. And I'm thinking we do that whole 1090 thing now where we. We get. We get 10, we get an order for 10, and then we'll go for 100, we'll go for 9, we'll go to syndication. Charlie Sheen with anger management. Yeah, I just talked to those guys today. Like, hey, I'm gonna make 100 episodes of a sitcom. Like, wow.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Make it like five weeks.

[Bald Brian]

Sounds tiring. Yeah. All right, where the hell are we? I guess we should wrap it up. Maria, Kevin, thank you so much for coming in. Adventure.

[Adam Carolla]

Adventures.

[Bald Brian]

I know it's a typo here. And the problem. Yeah, sorry. Adventures of Cereal Buddies. Yes, thank you. The problem is there is a lot of. There is a lot of people with really creative titles, like names where I thought I was gonna say adventures and you were gonna correct me and go Adventure, because that's what it says here. So I'm just a fucking stooge. Anyway. Yeah.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Attack on Adventures. It was Cereal Buddies, but you tack on Adventures because on video on demand, it gets listed higher if you have an A. So when you do your stand up

[Bald Brian]

movie, Adam put an A.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Road Hard in the.

[David Wilde]

The Adam Corolla presents.

[Kevin Undergaro]

Yeah, yeah, there you go. And then it's at the top of

[Bald Brian]

VOD, by the way. Available on DVD in August. Available now on iTunes and Cereal Buddies dot com. All right.

[Kevin Undergaro]

And look for Sloppy Seconds.

[Bald Brian]

Sloppy Seconds. Coming to TV event. Yeah, it's a TV event. Yeah, we'll do it like a three part. We'll do it like Roots. I don't know.

[Maria Menounos]

We'll work.

[Bald Brian]

We'll shop it around. We'll shop it around. Out Sara Bareilles and who else? David Wilde. And until next time, us at Caroline's New York city, coming up 18th through the 20th. And me and Jay Moore at the Will Turn Theater on August 3rd. So look for that until next time. This is Adam Carolla for David and Sarah and Maria and Kevin and Allison and bald Brian saying, mahalo.

[Kevin Undergaro]

I'm gonna get so much hog, it's gonna be unbelievable.

[Ed Cunningham]

All right, that's Adam Crollo show 1110 from 2013.

[Bald Brian]

That does it.

[Ed Cunningham]

As weekend's cruel classics, make sure tune

[Bald Brian]

in next weekend for three all new installments. Until then, mahalo and get it on. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Ed Cunningham]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Bald Brian]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files. May cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now pay. Never. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Ed Cunningham]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Bald Brian]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files May cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV stream now pay. Never. I sold my car in Carvana last night.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's cool.

[Bald Brian]

No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. Nothing went wrong. So what's the problem?

[David Wilde]

That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes as smoothly.

[Bald Brian]

I'm waiting for the catch.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe there's no catch.

[Bald Brian]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think. Wow. You need to relax. I need to knock on wood. Do we have.

[David Wilde]

What is this?

[Maria Menounos]

Table wood?

[Bald Brian]

I think it's laminate. Okay.

[David Wilde]

Yeah, that's good.

[Bald Brian]

That's close enough car selling without a catch. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up.

[Adam Carolla]

These may apply.