Baratunde Thurston (0:00)

This AI moment hits different it's the first technology designed not just to serve us, but to be us. I'm Baratunde Thurston and on my new video podcast Life With Machines, I'm going to talk to all kinds of folks. The people hitting the gas pedal on this transition and those trying to pump the brakes. Watch and listen to Life with Machines powered by Lenovo in partnership with Intel Intel Core Ultra 7 processor powering Intel VPRO Lenovo Lenovo after the end of a good fight, you deserve an ice cold reward. Medelo, you put in the hours, the energy, the tough labor because you know the bigger the fight, the better the reward. Medela, the mark of the fight. Drink responsibly. Beer Reported by Crown Airport, Chicago, Illinois welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics. The Ad Free archives are exclusively available through Adam Corolla substack. Make sure to check out adamcorla.substack.com Sign up and get access to ad free shows, lots of bonuses, including the new podcast Beat it out, currently featuring J. Moore. Alright, let's get to the clips coming up. First, we go all the way back to Adam Kurillo Show 17. The first telling of Seth MacFarlane's infamous 911 story on the podcast. He first told it back on Love and line in 2004 on the morning show. And now on the podcast there's an even more recent telling where there's a funny ray of light pouring through Seth's office. A God ray as they call it on The Corolla Classics YouTube channel. YouTube.com AdamCorollaCorner Hope you enjoy this clip of Adam and seth. Back in 2009, the very first time somebody saw somebody die, they went, holy shit, that boulder could have landed on me or that saber toothed tiger could have taken me. It's always a saber toothed tiger. Yeah. So Woolly Mammoth could have trampled me or worse, raped me. So the point is, this is starting to feel like the Flintstones here. People, people went, that bird was a garbage disposal or the pig or whatever it was. Point is, if somebody said, look, we better come up with something because I can't sleep at night because I'm worried about a boulder landing on me. And then, you know, God forbid, pardon the pun, but when you have kids, well, right now your daughter thinks that you're God and You know, everything, right? And when she gets old enough to realize that you're just as fucked up as the rest of us, maybe more, right? She'll say, you know, you know, unless she thinks about it a little more, she'll say, boy, I need something to fill that hole. Right? Yeah. Uncle Seth is going to come by and explain to you about decomposition and being eaten by worms. But the point is, when you have kids, then it really kicks in, like, if something should happen to my child, that feeling of, you know what? The Lord had a plan. He wanted her or him to come with him. You know, blah, blah, blah, we'll be reunited somewhere. Somewhere at some point. I can understand that. That's powerful. I mean, because there could be nothing more devastating and nothing. There's no equal to that in terms of dealing with that as a human being. And I understand why we needed to block those out, why we needed to block that out as human beings. And I wish I could buy into it, but I can't. I think you can still have. I mean, you know, the best scientists in the world will say at the end of the day on this issue, you know what? We don't fucking know. And you can still be. You can still have a sense of wonderment and you can appreciate, you can be positive and optimistic and appreciate, you know, the mystery of it all. You know, there is a way, you know, Carl Sagan was that kind of guy. He was such an upbeat guy who, you know, on his deathbed was like, no, I still think this is it. He still did not believe in hierarchy, but at the same time, he was so taken with everything and the task of finding out the real answer. Well, and listen, I agree. And I would say to all my religious friends who insultingly asked me, what's to stop me from stabbing somebody or raping a nanny, but that's religion. Notoriously claims that they invented morality. They didn't. Morality exists in animals. You know, the golden rule. You have bats who, you know, if one bat is sick and the other ones, you know, get some extra food for him when he gets well and another one gets sick, there's the expectation that he's got to do the same. I agree. Religion canonized morality. They were the first people to write it down. Right, yeah. No, I agree. They act like predates the invented it. And it's. To me, it's built into your construct and it falls under the no shit umbrella. Million examples in nature. It's hardwired into us. Yes. I mean, obviously you don't do horrible Things to other people because it's wrong, not because some deity has told you that it's wrong. But the thing that's interesting about this, and I always bring this up, you were bound for One of those nine, 11 flights that flew into the tower. And I love the fact that you don't give a shit about it. And that's exactly how I would be. Which is it was just happenstance and circumstance and you missed your flight. And the flight didn't miss one of the towers. But most people would go on a crusade about it or lecture. You know, it's because we're about it. We're, as they say, we're significance junkies. We want to attach significance to everything. This must have happened for a reason. And that's just not the case. It's not coincidences. Julia Sweeney's one woman show, she beats this into the ground. Coincidences do happen. They do happen. No. And it's the ultimate form of narcissism to say this happened to me for a reason. Because if it happened to you for a reason, what about the other 250 people that flew into the fucking tower? Does that happen to them for a reason? Were they bad people? Exactly. Like I love that concept of I must have been spared for a reason. Yeah. Well, I'm sure the 189 people on the plane and the 3,000 people in the tower would love to hear the reason why you were fucking spared to go on and bang another 22 year old hostess. Exactly. At the holiday. Plenty of people on that plane who are much more, you know, they had kids. Yeah, exactly. They had life that had a purpose. Yeah, exactly. That's a good way to put it because that is a, you know. Yeah. It's narcissistic to think that you're here for a purpose. Yeah, I know. And I. Other than the one you decide for yourself. Right, and so you were in Boston and you were booked on which flight? On flight 11. Out of. Out of Logan. Out of Logan, yeah. And was that the first one or the second one? It was the first one. The first one to hit the tower. And you were in Boston doing what? I was in. I was actually down in Providence, which is about 40 minutes out of Boston, doing a lecture at my old college and I overslept and the, you know, the driver picked me up from the hotel and was literally like breaking traffic laws to get me there on time. It's ironic now when you think about it, that he was hustling to get you to the grave. Yeah, exactly. Running red. So Seth McFarland wouldn't do another season of the Family, which I'm sure the Parents Television Council I'm sure wishes that he had made. It would have been nice if that guy had just done the. Done the ride on the Red. Exactly. So this guy's making. I mean, he's supposed to pick you up at what time the flight was scheduled for 7:45am yeah, and I had. This was coupled with the fact that my travel agent had written 8:15 on the itinerary that I had. So it was like a half hour off anyway, and I'm already running late. I get there and I get to the counter and they said, you're too late. We just closed the gate, you know, And I'm like, all right, well, I'm a little hungover anyway, right? Get the 11 o'clock, got a ticket, went to wait in the lounge, fell asleep, and then woke up, you know, 45 minutes later. Now, what time did you get to the airport? I was probably there probably by like close to. Close to 8. And it was 7:45 flight. And the driver showed up on time, right? No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry. 7 8. 8:15 was when I thought it was. I got there probably like, I want to say like 7:30. And. And so the flight was still there when you got there and the driver showed up on time. He was just hanging outside the motel hotel that you're at, waiting for you to wake up, get your shit together, get back upstairs. And, you know, the other thing is, I had missed many flights before then, you know, wasn't like, this is the first flight I'd missed. I missed flights, morning flights I missed all the time because I just don't like to get up early right now. I know that about you, but can I ask you first off, it's kind of funny, but I was just thinking about this. Like, one time Dr. Drew and myself were doing, I think it was the Donny and Marie show and Pam, I mean, not the first show, not in the 70s, not in 1976, but they got together and did a talk show, a syndicated talk show. And like, I don't know, 99 or 97 or whatever it was. And we were supposed to go on the show and Pam Anderson was the lead guest. And Pam Anderson was late. And evidently Pam Anderson is notoriously late. And so we were on time and we had to wait around for a long time to do the show. And then she came on and then she went on first, and we went on, and then later on. Pam Anderson was a guest on Loveline when it was on mtv. She, of course, was late again. And I just was going nuts saying, we're gonna start the show and we're not gonna wait for her because we're enablers. We're essentially. She gets to be late wherever she goes all the time, and no one says shit to her because she's Pam Anderson. Now, Seth MacFarlane is late constantly. Constantly. Most places he goes. I know this from doing Family Guy voiceover work. He's always late, but with the ultimate excuse. Because when Pam Anderson is late, it's like, hey, bitch, what the fuck? You're holding everyone up. When Seth MacFarlane is late, he gets to go, you wanna. You wanna know? Let me tell you another time I was late, son. And thus, in your brain, you've not only equated wow. I mean, seriously, like most people alive because they're late. Right? I mean, it's not that people. You know, people give you a sort of celebrity pass. They don't bust your chops too much. You were a little bit late to. I give you a tough time about it, but you're here because you were late. Like, it literally saved your life. It's really a horrible mixed message to send yourself. But if anyone has an excuse for being late. Well, you know, the weird thing was, what I remember is once they started, you know, once everyone kind of blinked and said, you know, after we took our eyes off the TV and said, all right, wait, now what do we do? My thought was, wait, these guys were just here in the airport? Did they leave a little, you know, Jokey Smurf surprise package, you know, here? Right. You know, we should probably. They started hustling everyone out, and I'm like, that's. That's something. They started hustling everyone out of the airport. Yeah. Evacuated the airport. And they evacuated the airport just because it's like, we gotta do something. And we don't know. Probably because those guys were there. Who knows? Yeah. Who left a bomb? Who left a bomb? Yeah. Because they just all pass through. Logan, I'm sorry, when you said they, I thought you meant the passengers. You mean the terrorists just all passed through this airport moments earlier? That'd be. God damn. I mean, for all the screeners and all the guys work in security and everything, that had to be totally surreal to them. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, it's. You know, nobody knew what to do. And there was one little moment that was oddly, you know, just. I remember there was a little speck of. Speck of warmth and all of that. I walked up to the bar, like, you know, after we. You know, this was probably about like 9:30 when we had seen it on the news. Yeah. People were starting to kind of do the math. Yeah. And walk up to the bar and I said to the bartender, you know, is it too early for a scotch? And he goes, no, no, it's on the house, pal. This great kind of Old west exchange. Really, at the end. At the end of the day, two fingers. Two fingers playing. Exactly. Yeah. That is awesome. And by the way, did your brain. I mean, we're talking about not being able to shut it off and not being able to. I mean, most people would have just been in this weird fugue state of sort of numbness at the end of their fingers and that kind of stuff. For you, I imagine. You weren't that way. I mean, even though you knew you should have been dead at this moment in a ball of flames on the side of that building, you still lucid and aware. Yeah, I was. What was going through my head was gratitude toward the travel agent who had made the mistake and, you know, gratitude toward the Jack Daniels that I consumed the night before. Right. Because you would have been late. Probably. Probably. Anyway. Yeah. But never. Never and. And never a. Never a feeling of, now I'm on a mission. No, I mean, now I must go forth and I've been touched by whoever and I've chosen for a second. No, you didn't have a second. That's what I love about you. I love that part that you don't feel special because, again, it's. You know, so there are other people that missed that flight. And I. Like I said, I've missed other FL flights before this. Somebody misses every flight. There's always some person who misses every flight. And on this one, I happen to be. Could have just as easily been somebody else. I have a few questions, by the way, because we sort of. No, no, no, no. Because we didn't. I put it up on the website. I wanted to know if people had questions for you because I know you have a big presence out there and. A couple of questions. First off, Malenko wants to know Family Guy, the movie. Yep. Coming out, working on it. It will be. I can say with almost definitive assuredness that it will be out. It will be within the next few years, I hope, and hopefully on the earlier side of that. But we already know actually what it's going to be. You do? Yeah. What do you mean? What it's gonna be? Well, it's. We've been trying to lock into something that makes it so that it has to be a movie. Right. As opposed to an extended family guy. Yeah. And, you know, and I like the Simpsons movie, but with animation, you know, that's a story they could also do on TV because it's not like they're constrained by sets. I love the Simpsons, but I didn't see the movie because people just said, well, it's essentially a long Simpsons episode. It is, but, you know, with. With that medium, I mean, what. How do you do, you know, what else can you do? So, yeah, you have to find some way to make it so that it. It's. It has to be a movie. Well, the family guys sort of experimented a little with live action working into the animation and of course, the big musical numbers and stuff like that. So are you hinting that it's something that is different than what would be a 90 minute Family Guy episode? It will not be a 90 minute Family Guy episode. Y little live action worked in possibly. Possibly here and there. Music, for sure. Yep, yep. Also, let's see, Bill wanted to know about the family guy getting back on fox. The chronology. It ran for two seasons. For three seasons. Three seasons. And then. And then got cancelled and canceled for two years and then came back in 2004. And what was the decision to bring it back? Was it the Adult Swim thing? It was a combination of the fact that the adult Swim reruns were beating Leno and Letterman in the male demographics, you know, most nights, and the DVD sales were suddenly picking up as a result. Right. And it was, you know, it was just allowing the show to, you know, to give it time. Which is what. They don't do that anymore. With tv, if a show is not a hit right off the bat. Right. It's toast. And it's, you know, Seinfeld is a perfect example of why the old system works. Seinfeld was a show that kind of lingered, you know, for. Just kind of sat there for a while. Nobody was watching. And somebody at NBC said, no, creatively, I think this is good. I'm not just looking at the numbers. This is a funny show. I think it's going to catch on. Which people don't do anymore in that business. They just don't make. They look at the numbers and that's it. And like monkeys could do that. You know, if you are a creative executive, have an opinion, take a stand. Even if you're wrong, you're still. It's a noble failure. Well, you know, look, the thing I don't understand about most of this stuff is, you know, they always talk about when you're running a business, the first three months you hire somebody, it costs you money because you have to train them and you have to acclimate them to the position and so on and so forth. And then you have a certain amount invested in that person. And if that person quit every six months, you'd be losing a ton of money because you're spending a bunch of money just getting them up and running, essentially. And, you know, when they spend millions of dollars getting these shows sort of up and running, yanking the plug this quickly, it's counterintuitive because you think to yourself, look, you've made this investment. Let it pay off, but you have to let it breathe a little bit. Now, listen, if it's a turd, it's a turd. Pull the plug. The one place that does that without fail is hbo. HBO will stick with something until. And if you look at one show after another on HBO that nobody gives a shit about at the beginning eventually becomes something that is talked about. Right now, it's big love. People are talking about that show kind of under the radar for a while, and it's like. But they just stick with stuff, and it works for them. Yeah. And I agree. And maybe they have that luxury. Maybe they can. All right, this is adam Kulishow, episode 17. Coming up next, we have Adam Kulishow, 22, 29, featured Gina Grad and Brian Bishop from December 2017 the ACE Awards. 2017 ACE Awards. This is the 11th annual and Gina's third year. Hope you guys enjoy. Oh, oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescento renting a house, keeping that Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in st, either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. Need your windshield wipers replaced? Brake light fixed or a quick service, well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well and get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts one stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car in store online. You can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'Reilly Auto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam There's a reason you do it yourself, because you want it done right. When it comes to protecting your engine, only the best filters will do. That's why you reach for WIX filters. Backed by 85 years of innovation and a premium assortment of filters for oil, air, fuel and more, WIX is a trusted name in the auto industry and you deserve filtration you can trust to keep your vehicle running strong. WIX filters engineered for experts. Visit wixfilters.com to find your filters. From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California. It's the 10th ACE Awards honoring the very best of the Adam Carolla show in 2017 featuring Trophy Girl Gina Grad and seat filler Brian Bishop. And now your host for this evening's ceremonies, Adam Carolla. Thank you. The tenth, you say, Dawson. Unbelievable. Well, thank you guys very much. We're all getting ready to go to our Christmas party after this. The food's ordered and the merriment should start as soon as we're done with this. So we're all very excited to be here. It's a fun show every year. It's my favorite show of the year thanks to Gary, who did a wonderful job all year, and Dawson, who did a wonderful job all year, and Matt the porcelain punisher and seeker of pleasure. Fonda Lear and enjoyer of win. Yes. Of winter, Lest we forget and you know, winter Stolstice. Oh, it's Matt's day. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. It's big day. All the folks, Kaelyn and Dylan and all the folks here, Gabe, Emmy, all the folks here that have done a wonderful job. It's nice. I never, you know, the year is all running through the year and then you get to the end of the year and you start to slow down a little, reflect and you start talking about parties and bonus checks. People start bringing Their kids around and all that kind of stuff. And you realize Tony, the editor at the other shop, we just got done watching the entire Willie T. Ribs. Doc and his mom baked me baklava. I didn't know Tony, the editor at the beginning of the year. He must have started in March or something. And now it's the end of the year, and his mom's. It's part of the family. Baking me baklava. Baking me bak baklav. So it's all good and it's all you guys. I mean, the fact that, you know, whatever it is we do here, we could not continue to do if you guys didn't listen to the program, tell friends about the program, turn people onto the program, co workers, support the great sponsors, support the sponsors. It just. It would never go another inch if you guys stopped doing that. So here we are into the 10th year, and it's an incredible fantasy because as I said, my whole life I just sat around and I actually had people say, you need a job where you just sit around and talk into a microphone. You get paid. But it was like, agreed, but what such job exists? How would this ever work? And somehow we've 25 years, we've made it work. So God bless all of you. Thank you. Have a wonderful Christmas. Brian, as long as we're handing out kudos, let's not forget Mike Lynch. Oh, Mike. We can forget him. Yes, Mike lynch, who did so much for the ACE Awards and also the song threshold. You're rich. Banks. Rich banks. Mike August, of course. Yeah, It's a slippery slope. I see where you're going with this. You made your point, Gina. So now we get to our 10th ACE Awards. Jesus. I can't believe we thought to do the first ACE Awards when we did the first ACE Awards. I'll be honest. When Danny Bonaduce hosted one year, I thought it was the last. Yeah, I thought my bet would have been the last. Well, James Franco, I think, was the worst year we had. Yeah, he was actually worse than Bonati. All right. Ben Hathaway tried so hard. So thank you guys so much for making this happen. And, you know, it's funny, I found myself earlier today writing stuff down on my buck slip. Oh, I want to complain about this. Or, oh, I got thoughts about that. And then I realized, oh, we're going into the Christmas break. I have to sit on it for two weeks. And then I thought, but it's a good sign. Like, it's a good sign that I was a little disappointed this morning that I wasn't going to share some thoughts, complaints and observations that I had from earlier today until 2018. All right, Dawson, you will set it up, Brian will mow it down, and then I will open the envelope and reveal the winner. Best impression number one. Okay, thank you. The nominees for best impression are. Adam Ray as Tony Danza. Should we. You know, Adam, I forgot to mention, if you are gonna go down and suck a dick. Yeah. You please use Tony Danger's new BJ flavor gel. We've got new flavors like cookies and cream, mint chocolate chip. Fresca. Fresca. Tony Dan. Just B.J. gel. Be, be the boss of that dick. Nice. Chris D'Elia as Jean Claude Van Damme. They take Jungle Van Damme drive me to set, then I am jcvd, right? Well, yeah, back to the movie. You play a bank robber or something. Jean Claude Van Damme plays bank robber. Jcvd, Right. I still, I'm just having trouble rapping. I don't want to. It's different. Like, Jean Claude Van Damme believes in, you know, abortion, but jcvd. No. Oh, little different. Yeah. And how about, like, climate change? Jcvd. Big on climate change, huh? Jean Claude Van Damme feels like it's a oaks. It's oaks. It's a oaks. No, not oak. Oh, oh, hoax. Correct. Hoax. H O A X. Oaks. Hoax. It's an oaks. It's an oaks. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so then what about, like, obviously you're not a citizen of the United States, but if you were to have voted in the, in the election. Yes. I'm guessing one of you would have voted for Trump. One of us, Donald Trump. One of us, Hillary Clinton. Hillary. Hillary, Right. Because, yeah, she's one of those oaks tree hunters. But I have to say, I thought that the email chain was an oaks. The email thing. Oh, that, yeah. Hoax, Right, Right. That, yeah. With Comey. With Comey, yeah. Comey. That was Oaks for Ilory Porsche Jonathan Kite as Seth Rogan I, I, I am so excited to be here. I, I do not know where I am right now. I'm being told, totally honest with you. I am, I am pretty, I am, I am pretty high right now. Pretty high. Brian Whitman as Melania and Donald Trump. Melania, you were criticized for wearing heels. With the hurricane and the relief, I mean, I have to get around. I mean, I had my flats, I had my hair. So I mean, I have to have a, have a catch 27 for me. You know, I just learned the language. I say have a catch 27 and I forgot to wear the Shoes. But I want to take off the shoes. Because if there's a baby that doesn't have the water, I have to bring the water bottle and put on the sneakers. Melania, do me a favor. Really keep it quiet. Like, not a whole lot of words, really. Your part in this is, like, very, very small. You have, like, a very small role in all of this. Just stand there and smile. But what if I have to put on my flat? I don't care if you have to put on your flats. Keep it quiet. Keep it quiet. Greta and Jay Moore as Chris Penn and Harvey Keitel from Reservoir Dogs. Why don't you tell us what happened with Chris Penn? Adam, why don't you tell Brian what really happened? Looks like Sam's Hot Car Lot out there. The man you just shot did five years in a federal penitentiary. He could have said his daddy's name and walked, but he didn't. He did his time like a man. Now you're gonna tell me, Larry, that that guy is gonna decide out of the blue to rip us off? Why don't you tell me what really happened? What the hell for? That lump of shit's lapd Joe, I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. He's a good kid. He got shot in the gut. It's so funny, Diane. Fucking for you. Wow. It's always good when they can do the back and forth. I mean, that's an extra little additive each time. When I hear. Each time I heard one, I went, oh, yeah, how's that going? Crystalia. Oh, no, no. Jay Moore. Oh, no. Yeah. It's tough. And here we learn that JCVD and Jean Claude Van Damme are two people. That's right. These are different people. Important. All right. And the ACE Award goes to. Chris D'Elias, JCVD. Well deserved. Well deserved. These things will be in the mail and sent out post haste. Beautiful, beautiful statue. Now, one of my favorite. But because of the title, Most Uncomfortable Moments of the Night comes early this year, actually, we're gonna let Dawson kind of dictate because we have to play some things. The envelope order you have doesn't necessarily follow our programming order. Right now we're going to get into our first nominee for Rant of the Year. Because I said too early, we sprinkled in the nominees, remember? For best Pictures, we'll hear the Rant of the Year. Our first nominee for Rant of the Year. Boy Scouts Allowing Girls In. I don't like that the Boy Scouts let girls in. I just want the Boy Scouts to be the Boy Scouts. I'm old fashioned that way. It's not goddamn progress. Just go over there and sell some cookies. And if a guy wants to put a skirt on, sells cookies, he can't. That's it. It's not all progress. It's not all progress. And you're gonna ruin boys. And you guys are gonna be sorry. Let me tell you something, all you assholes out there that are trying to get every guy to drop his dick and sprout a vagina, you're gonna be fucking sorry. For war breaks out, you're gonna be goddamn sorry. When it comes time to build a bridge, you are gonna be sorry. This plan of turning dudes into chicks is not gonna be a great payday for all the chicks and all the dudes who think it's the greatest, most progressive, universal, beautifully lit idea on the planet. You guys should get together at your next asshole meeting and have a goddamn conversation about turning every dude into a chicken. It's not going to pay off. Now the rare tight rant going on a little longer must have been at the end of the show. And I must have been hungry. Now we roll into Most Uncomfortable Moment. The nominees for Most Uncomfortable Moment are. Mike Dawson. So a couple years ago, you were doing a live show in Phoenix and you called out a woman in the audience and you said, everyone in the office has to do such and such because Rachel over here and she goes, what the hell? That's my name. Yeah, it was a woman. Yes. Dawson remembers it in a different way. Dawson remembers me going to a room of 500 people and go, ain't no one here named Rachel. No, that is not. Somebody raised their hand. That is nowhere near. In fact, I sent you emails, emails to you and Gary proving my exact point that what I said was correct on that show. What was what? What did you say on the show? Let me think about it. It could have been the Hawaiian Punch talk. I find. Find the email on, on this show, your memory, the way your memory served is that I shouted out the person's name and somebody said, that's me. Yes, that is correct. Right, but that's not how it worked. There's one vegetarian chick, her name's Rachel. That's my name. No, I was talking to her, that person. No, you were not. Well, we'll find the clip. Controversial clip. No, they're not controversial for me because I was standing there looking at the person when I said, there's some bitch in the office who's a named Rachel, who's A vegetarian. And she went, that's. That's me. Or my name's Rachel. That's. That's what happened. Dawson's ready to mount. Mount to spirited defense. Okay, this is during a round of what can't Adam Complain about. Frank Caliendo was the guest on the show, and someone had just asked you if you can complain about pizza. All right, let's do one more pizza. That was definitely a dude. All right. Then he. Then it was the girl sitting next to him. We'll never prove this, Dawson. It wasn't a person who went, my name is Rachel. It was a random chick in the audience who is a vegetarian whose name was Rachel. No. No. Yes. It was not. No. There were nine chicks named Rachel that night. So how's your sister's health? Your sister had cancer in the dock. That's past news now. Oh, she passed away? Yeah. Oh, sad. Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. Oh, you guys were very close. Yeah. Feeling stiff? Put your hands in the air like you just don't care. Or maybe like you do care. Move your arms behind your back. Do some gentle twists with your core and repeat. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regent's Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we health. There's a reason you do it yourself. Because you want it done right. When it comes to protecting your engine, only the best filters will do. That's why you reach for WIX filters. Backed by 85 years of innovation and a premium assortment. Assortment of filters for oil, air, fuel and more. WIX is a trusted name in the auto industry and you deserve filtration you can trust to keep your vehicle running. Strong WIX filters engineered for experts. Visit wixfilters.com to find your filters. Got something on your mind you need to talk about? Forget texting. Just call up a friend so you can hear a voice. It might be old school, but it helps. Helps. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we help. That's rough. Appropriate music. We took your suggestions on Twitter of the women who would be most disgusted to have sex with Adam. Our next entry is a surprise and it's the only one on the list we can confirm or deny. Would be disgusted to have sex with Adam at number 11. Gina Grad, how say you? I don't mean to be a dick, but I'm, I'm pretty sure we could confirm it. Oh, disgusted. So sorry. Disgusted. Enjoy the holiday. Disgusted. But, you know, I, I, I. I'd rather not mix up pleasure and business Dip My pen in the ship canyon. They'll meet you by the dill. All right. I don't like a creepy uncle at this point. Yes, you know, like a creepy uncle. Adam Corolla. Here's where I'm going with you, Micro. This whole like, teachers. Oh, they're heroes. I had like 129 teachers. Mr. Backus wasn't bad. The rest of them were completely checked out. I was completely warehoused. Mr. Tomy was my counselor. I never talked to him about anything except for, you're going to get into trouble if you keep doing that thing. And that's all it was. They weren't heroes at all. There were people who sort of copped out of the free market. There were people who sort of went, you know what? I'm going to take a safe, easy road. I want three months vacation. I want two weeks off on Christmas. I want another two weeks. We'll do half day Fridays. Every third Friday with no Monday, they basically just went, fuck it, I don't want to work. Oh, your parents are retired teachers. Every time. Good. Just get him out of there. Too lazy to keep working. Okay. And Vinny Tordorich. Now, Andrew, you're going back and you're going into your old room, right? Yeah. Is it left as it was? No, it's pretty much the only room that's been changed. Oh, really? Okay. Because we're talking about Fondelier's room. It's still a shrine to him. You're moving back home, you're married, right? Not anymore. Now. Oh, Vinny, thanks for bringing that out in the past two weeks. I mean, last time we spoke, you were misery, Clorox. Will Andrew drink it? And you have a leader in the clubhouse for most uncomfortable moments. Sorry. That's all right. First the hot dogs, now the divorce. It's bad timing with Vinnie Didactic. We love you, Andrew. That was rough. That's a heated competition, man. I can't place a favorite here. I don't know why. The Vinnie one's pretty good. It seems like 72% of people in show business had either two or more parents who were teachers. Yeah, like educator, teacher, teacher. Successful kids. Everybody's parents were teachers who are in show business. So whenever I do my rant about how much I hate teachers, I really gotta check myself. Yes, the winner is. And the winner is. Vinnie Tortorech, everybody. Well done, well earned. Yes. Strong. Yeah. We'll miss Andrew. Oh, he's in the harmony. It's one of those things, though it's probably not a good. It's probably not good for your 20 something year old kid to have a place to go back to. They should feel like whatever goes on with their relationships or their career or whatever, the option of going back home and reinhabiting your room is not on the table. That door is closed. Right? Yeah, my parents let me know that clearly when I was nine. All right. @ least we know it's not eating his feelings. Best. Best reenactment is our. No. Oh, sorry. We're going another song. Oh, song of the year. Oh, it's our first nominee. Oh, okay. So the multiple stuff. We don't have stuff. All right. I got my. I got my list. You have them. They come later in the show. Yeah, I got it. All right. Song of the year number one. Our first nominee for song of the year, Rich Banks and Mike lynch for the theme from good sports segments. It's time for Ace and Dales. It's time to get it started. Riffing on bad stun on movies, Raking the fruits of the year. Danger Captain Hawker Aces. Getting talking, shooting jerks with blasters. Nasally podcast Ace Shreky. Let's do it. Good. Hit it. Reach. Lot of soul. Nice. You know why I love this category? Cuz it shows off Rich Banks's range. Yes. Which is there. Absolutely. All right, now we move forward to best reenactment. The nominees for best reenactment are Adam and Jo Koy for Adam goes to his Chinese dentist. And I want to thank you for Sonny. Natalia. Oh, wow. What a horrible group of teeth they got too. Really running the family, huh? I don't know. They seem. They seem pretty good to me. I'm not a dentist, you know, I don't have the training. I didn't marry a dental hygienist or dentist. A lot of the staff, we have a bet going on. We just want to know real quick, do they brush their teeth with chocolate? Oh, no. No. Okay, okay. No. All right, just one second. Yeah, you talking about my kids. They're all laughing right now. For their teeth to look like that. Need chocolate. No, no, I know it's a joke. You're making a joke. Yeah, they brush. They brush wheat. What? What? That's the question. With what? A toothbrush. It's a brush for your teeth. Inside the mouth or out. Okay, that. Listen, I didn't come here to being insulted. These are friendly jokes. Please, could you please just get the little millimeter measuring stick out and I'll just kind of lean back and you can just. Hygienist. She can Write this stuff down. I'm gonna need more than a millimeter. Let me get a. Here to go. Yeah, that's bad. I can actually see the brain from here. I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but I think you're supposed to give her the numbers. Yeah. This no longer number. Not a number. This is no longer number. What do you mean it's not a number? I can see root. Oh, no. Yeah, it's just dangling from her mouth. No, no. Come on, give her the numbers, please. Okay. 12. Oh, no, wait a minute. 13. 13. There's no tooth. There's no gum at all. 20. That's to the bone. Did someone have bingo? What are you talking about? You're playing bingo with your mouth. Listen, Dr. Ho. I like Adam, Brian, Gina and the Sklar brothers. For foreskin restoration, death. There was a good long restore the foreskin run. Took place, like, early 2000s, like 1999 to 2001. Like, a lot of guys, real pissed off. But these guys would go, like, I feel desecrated. Right? I don't. I have no confidence. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And then through a process of clamps and weights, attempt to restore the foreskin. We will be the adult daughter and son of the dad that drowned because he had his foreskin weights on and he was skimming the pool and slipped. And we found his bloated corpse at the deep end, dick first in the drain because he was putting eight pound weights on it. And once he hit the water, he couldn't detach himself from the weight. He ended up the funeral director. Who am I, the corner? You are just a friend we haven't seen since junior high. Who wants to know? Where's your dad? What happened to dad? Now, Gina, when I point at you, you say skiing accident, and then I'll do mine. You ready? Sure. Adam, Gina. How are you guys? Oh, my God. This is the old neighborhood. That's crazy. Oh, my God. Rope swing outside. It's funny. Your dad put up. What happened? I haven't thought about your pops in forever. How is Pops? What's he up to? Oh, house. I mean, house. Fire. Skiing. Fire. Skiing, fire. The fire ski. Yeah. He got. Yeah. He didn't fall into his pool with weights on his stick. No. We're gonna take the corpse out the front door. We just work for the city. These are corn. Municipal workers. Yeah, city corners. We found a drifter in the pool. Don't worry about it. There's weights on his dick. It looks like dad. Do you want to identify the Body. Guys, just one before. Well, I can identify him as my dad. We're going to peel back the sheet right here in your living room. Is that okay? She's no account drifter. Peeling it back right here. Wait a minute. When did you guys attach those weights to his penis? Because that's not something Rick would do. That's disrespectful. He did not attach anything. We just show up and just put it in a bag. By the way, I skimmed some of the leaves out of the pool as well. Figured we'd do that for. You know what? There's a little. A little rainbow here. That's right. Hey, yeah, those city. Those city corners are right there. Looks a lot like your dad. And Adam and Brian Whitman for strip club DJs. Hey, Brian. Brian, let me take care of a little house business here. We got this written brunch coming up. That. That's noon to three every weekday, unlimited mojo potatoes. And go say hi to Felipe. He's in the bathroom. He's standing next to the change tray. Yeah, it's all his own change he puts in there. We call the primer. Perhaps I'll set too much. Jade Stage 4. Stage 4. Jade, try to throw some Ka Ching his way because Philippe's in a nasty, nasty child custody battle right now. I believe Vanessa's up to the letter E. So check it out. Vanessa's got a yeast infection. And maybe between the discussion of Philippe in his childhood custody battle and Vanessa with the east infection, perhaps we're a little too transparent here. Br. Well, I don't know about that. I think we just want to tell the truth because, you know, who knows the truth? The guys right down there on the front row, they came down here this morning with a fistful of cash K. And they know the truth. Well, Brian, as Brian on the Truth like to say, you know, you've only been here for nine months, but I've been attracted to you for about a year. I seen you work over short girls and I mean beyond professional attraction, but into a manly, masculine attraction. That's hot of you to say. Since we're into the truth. Ace, man, I gotta tell you, I was over there at the other club and I kind of knew you were warm for my form. So I moseyed on over to the Glory Hole. I ran out of patience waiting for you to show up. Now. Now is the rule. Now, I'm not gonna stand there with my bigeloog. Robert, I gotta say this. And all the listeners here, I've been struggling with my Sexuality for a long time. Right back. This voice and this job is really just a thinly veiled veneer over compensation. At least my therapist says it. Well, I gotta tell you what you're doing with my sexuality. I'm gonna tell you, buddy. What you're. Oh, and look at her doing that double triple axel there. I wish it was a. He reminds me of Scotty Hamilton from 1986. We're talking. I gotta tell you something, buddy. I'll tell you something your therapist won't dare to tell you, buddy. You have an ass that just won't quit. You are hotter than a firecracker. And I've got some sexual feelings for you, man. Well, I gotta tell you this, Bob Rob. When I fly in from Burbank, we hit the carrying that poster, the Thunder from Down Under. I stop every day and stare at that bad boy. I gotta tell you, I don't care their fake Australian accents. I am physically attracted to those men. I'm physically attracted to you. And I say we get rid of this whole facade and we go open ourselves up a bakery that caters exclusively to gay couple. Yeah. Post. Wow. I. I have no idea who this is going to be close. The bonus should be putting the hitting. The post should put it over the top. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. All right, the winner. Best reenactment strip club dj. We love Brian. Oh, he's going to be thrilled. I'll be waiting by my mailbox as well. All right, so we have a second entry in Song of the year. Our second nominee for song of the year, Mike Dawson for the United Passenger, Lynette Corolla. Mashup. My God. What are you doing? On the wings of love on the wings of love Only the two of us together Flying high Flying high upon the wings of love no, this is wrong. Oh, my God. Look at what you did to him. Oh, my God. It's 52 degrees. Get him out. Get him out. My. Oh, my God. I'm crazy about you, baby. Give me towel. Give me towel. Oh, my God. So delighted if you would come with me. No, all the wings are. Get his towel ready. Put it over him. Put this mouth. You guys. You guys. Oh, my God. 52 degrees. Get him out. Get him out. Great. Watching Natalia laugh her ass off. And her hypothermic brother. All right, we move forward into best invention. I never know in an million years. I couldn't even venture a guess as to what this could be. Great category. Let's hear it. The nominees for best invention are. Secondhand First World. How about I start a bunch of stores? This is called Secondhand First World. Oh, these are the items. I'll start with the stupid corrective helmet that cost $4,000 of my son and his cranial disposition. We'll move on to the all the American girls. All the Huns are the highfalutin toys. All this apparel and again these beautiful party dresses that can only be worn once. You know, not good for wearing to school and day to day. Yeah. All the drones, all the stuff, all the robotic electronic. All the things. Well, throwing an outdated iPhone3 or something in there too. This is the first world secondhand store. From the mouths of babes. There should be a coffee table book called from the mouths of babes but not young people. Hot chicks. That's amazing. Hot chicks who just don't care. Yeah. When hot chick Esti Chiladenko was explaining to me that she picked me to be her boyfriend over my friend Chris, the best part was she's like, I've given it some thought. It was between you and Chris and I've chosen you. All my friends think I'm crazy, but I've chosen you. And I'm like, could have locked, could have stopped it right there. Very unnecessary detail. Odd all you're quite popular if you pulled all of your friends from the mouth. And the white noise maker. There's a device that came up quite a few times which is a white noise machine that sounds like a fan. It's called a Marpac Dome. I have one in my house in San Francisco. I have one at my parents place in New York. It's extremely helpful. It just sits there over and over going, what do you mean? I have a ton of black friends. What do you mean? I have a ton of black friends. Some of my best friends are black. So that's setting one setting and then you have settings two through four or five that allow you to use different volumes or types of white noise. Then the really surprising one for me, Dylan is being homeschooled. Dylan is being homeschooled. Just keeps going like that. Don't eat that. It has gluten. Don't eat that. It out of gluten. I didn't vote for Trump. That being said. For Trump. That being said. Be a greater. Someone's got to be had a real white noise machines. Oh, Dave Matthews is in town. Oh, Dave Matthews is in town. I would invest in that. White noise machine is practical and useful and it's. It's funny, right? Like read be a good. It's that for, you know, gag gift under 20 bucks. We gotta write that down. All right, the winner, White Noise Machine. Thank you. Was there ever any doubt? No. Thank you very much for that. All right, our second rant of the year. Our second nominee for rant of the year, digital freeway signs. Okay, but, Adam, who's the stupidest one? Is it the group that came up with this slogan, pedestrians aren't made of armor, or the guy that said, I love it. Let's do it? It's a trope about safety, but it doesn't really. It doesn't land anywhere. There's nothing. First off, we know pedestrians aren't made of armor. Nobody goes out to try to hit a pedestrian. And it's almost as bad for the person driving as it is for the pedestrian. Because you're like, life is pretty much ruined, too, if you run over somebody. So, yeah, seeing. So there's nothing in it for anybody. What is it would you like to do? And what. What percentage of people who do run over pedestrians and flee? What percentage. Those people know what armor and even pedestrian means. Yeah. People are like, we'll give the mayor a break. You. Yeah. It was announced a couple of weeks ago that we have the number one problem in traffic is in this city, in the world. In the fucking world. So since then, I've been wanting to get my hands on the motherfucker that writes into these signs. I can't figure out what we're doing. You guys have heard me talk about this for a million years, but it's getting a little bit ridiculous now, right? We have traffic. We're number one in traffic in the world, and you're just putting numbers, nonsensical fucking gibberish on these signs. It's like, neither here nor there. Oh, I'm angry. I was just yelling for. Mad happened to me. God help anyone who's on the phone with me when any of this stuff goes down when I'm driving. Cause I'm always driving, and I'm always on the phone. This thing where they tell you your ramp is closed when you're at your ramp, it's not helpful at that point. It would help me before I got on the freeway to know. I hop on the 210 and immediately get on the 2. And if I know before I get on that the two's closed, I'll just drive down foothill and hop on further down. Once you get on the freeway, once you're on and then you're driving past a closed ramp, and 80ft before the closed Ramp says ramp closed. Right. And now you have 80,000 cars all slowed down and moving. Not helpful. Helpful. Before I get on. Yeah. When I used to drive home from loveline down the 10 to the 1 through downtown, I'd pass three of those electronic signs that were blank, and we'd find out that the 110 was closed. Yeah. Why not put it up there, get off on La Breer or maybe Normandy and cut across? Because that would be. That would be helpful. All right. Did you see the Star wars one? It's been bouncing around. They do Star wars ones and they do Christmas ones, but it's all just, buckle up, buckle up, buckle up, rock. And I was like, what? What? I'm happy to say that this retarded disease has spread throughout the land, that people send me stuff from Colorado and Wisconsin, where there's a group of your mom's friends who sit in a room and come up with stupid, clever nothingness to put on these signs. Times millions all over the country. There's like a little group of super unfunny folks in their 50s who come up with this shit, and it does nothing wherever you live. Yeah. Why? I have no idea. You know what? You know what? Every day should be wartime. If I only had my more, you know, drop. In wartime, they want you to do things like, hey, man, they want you to recycle or like, hey, we need rubber, or, we need. We need fuel. We need victory guards. They just. They just. They pick the most important stuff. There is no these signs during wartime. Right, Right. It's all. It all. It's all like life or death. Onward and onward to victory. So you should treat these signs like we're in a war. What's the most important thing? Just pick the three most important things and focus on them. This. Serve steel. Your weird little sort of. Yeah. Your little Star wars snippets. Not. Not moving the needle. And we would not cut the criteria for wartime. Definitely wouldn't make it during wartime. Wouldn't make the cut. The nice thing about this episode is we always get a few extra. A little extra rant. Thank you. Added value. All right, now. Caller of the Year. Oh, thank God. The nominees for Caller of the Year are. Rick. You know, man, I. I've listened to you for a long time, and I'm sort of getting burned out on you, man. Because, you know, guys like me go out and make an honest living and. And do DJ work, which, you know, we're a talent, man. And I just listened to your podcast with Drew, and you Just bag on us, man. It's like, what's your problem? I don't like it. I think it sucks. It's annoying. If I could give you a playlist, we could. We could work it out. I don't look at you guys as musicians or talents. Rick, are you a party dude? Are you a wedding dj? Or are you, like, Paris Hilton can do what you do? Are you making beats? Are you, like, playing in the clubs? I mean, I mostly do club work. Like, work. Been working as a gig in Glendale for a while. Horrible music. No, it's not, man. I, I. It's not even music. It's just a bunch of robots. Well, why are you being so hard on it, man? Cause I hate it. Why am I hard on isis? I'll bet you couldn't even run my drum machine, man. Oh, challenge accepted. How about this? I pay a fucking retarded monkey $4 an hour, and he runs it. How about that, bitch? Real funny. He showed you. Adam's old buddy, Jeff Katz. I somehow remember you're somewhere around my right room when somebody took that big patented industrial fan and threw a sack of flour into it. Yeah, that was me. Was that you? Wow. I. I want to say we. I don't know, we urinated or something. Everyone urinated. Everyone urinated all over my mattress. And then they took a huge sack of gold metal flour, put the fan on high, and threw the sack into the fan in a small room I was living in. Yeah, yeah. Cokey. What's your nationality? Your big guy? I'm Puerto Rican, man. I'm probably one of your few Puerto Rican fans. Yeah, but you know my accent. I can't get rid of it, man. That's good. It's good. I've been living in the States 15 years, and I still can say chip, chip, chip or chip. Those are four different chips, man. What? You're telling me what? Yeah, wait, sorry, sorry. What are the words you can't say exactly? Chocolate chip. One something is inexpensive stuff. Another is a boat. A ship. Another boat. Yeah, my nanny's from Chip. Chip. Chip, Chip, Chip. Call back, D. I need to. Mr. Brightside, I mismanaged my mustache this morning. I'm about an inch and a half to the. To the top on the left. And. Oh, you cut off too much stash. Yeah, I figured I got six or seven days without being seen. Mm. Yeah. That's a firefighter. Yeah, that can be. That can be a problem. That can be for me. It finds me. God damn. Yeah. Can I say this about the guys with the goofy mustaches. It. It defines you, but nobody else cares. And most of your. Here's what I'm saying. When you define yourself, you're predicating that on other people giving a crap, but they really don't. We just think of you as the goofy guy with the mustache, and we also look at you as the guy who doesn't do anything else. Thus, you're resting on your mustache to divine yourself. You know what I mean? Well, everyone else. Else is using success as a yardstick to define them. You are using your mustache. Do you have a. Is there a Mrs. D? There is not. There is. No, I don't. Yeah, I could do that. I think I could do that, actually. You don't have. That's the bright side. There's not a bright side. There's not a lady in your life. No. Oh, no lady. No lady. All right, hold on a second. Hold on. Sack it. And Rick, six months later. Yeah. Hey, Ricky. 28, Pasadena. Yeah. Hey, Bald and Gina. Oh, is this our Ricky from Pasadena? Yeah. What's up, man? Yeah, the dj. Yeah. Well, last time I called you, dude, you weren't too nice to me, and. And I did some homework. And one of the things that I think would be a big help for you is maybe you should listen to your show, because sometimes you're really mean to people, especially the younger crowd, like me. Well, that brings me up to my next point, Rich Whitey. I did some research on the top five DJs that you keep talking smack about. And do you know that the top DJ this year made $22 million? Ooh, yeah. Yeah. Skrillex makes 15 million. What do you think about that? Yeah. You know how much Union Carbide makes every year, but they still poison the water and kill the indigenous people? You know how much Up John made last year? I mean, pick any evil. Anything. It's not. It's not. Yeah. Oh, hey, Putin's doing pretty good for himself financially. You checked his FICO score. I'm not saying Putin's as bad as Skrillex, but, you know, relatively, these guys are worthless, talentless hacks who figured out a way to get money from dumb people like yourself, right, Ricky? I'm not stupid. I went to school. And I went to college, too, all right? Pasadena Junior College doesn't count. I went to Fullerton. J.C. how about that? He got you. He did get. You know what? You need to tell. You need to calm him down, because he's getting like my dad, man. He's starting to be a really angry, dude, and I don't like it. Yeah. Oh, please be Ricky. Six months later. I look forward to more Ricky in the future. Me too. All right, caller of the year, Rick the dj. He's gonna get that award he's probably always wanted. Dawson, is this a specific call in? He won for just the general optional of the year. He's just the caller of the year. Good stuff. All right, now we get to our third entry in Rant of the Year. Our third nominee for Rant of the Year, Mayor Garcetti. Diversity and homelessness. Does every goddamn fucking video post that asshole has to make. Does it all have to. Do we all have to talk about diversity or can we just talk about fucking traffic? Could there just be one? There was just like, hey, I'm Marigar City, I'm gonna fucking fix this traffic problem. And we claimed all the trash by the side of the freeway. And nothing about diversity. How about nothing about diversity? Diversity is just a thing. It's. It's not something to sing about. It's just a thing. Like Japan. Not diverse, by the way. Doesn't have a lot of garbage by the side of the fucking freeway. All right, us, diverse, lot of garbage. Maybe it's not a good thing. I don't know, it just is. It's just a bunch of people from a bunch of different places. But he sings about, oh, the most diverse, and then he talks about. And so of course, his number one job is the homeless problem. And here's the deal, Garcetti, thanks to you, LA has, and this is something I think we can boast about, the most diverse homeless population in the world. Yeah, we're number one. I don't think anyone can be. You can go to China, you can go to Japan, you can San Francisco, go to Sweden, go to Iraq. I'm sure they have homeless people there, but they're not nearly as diverse as la. La. That's what you should ride on the fucking airport when we're going down the escalator and we see the. Welcome to la, home of the most d diverse homeless population ever. And I mean it. In the history of the world. You can't go back to the homeless population in Persia a thousand years ago. No way. No way. You, my friend, are a hero because you have created the most diverse homeless population. You love diversity. You love homeless people. Let's make a fucking peanut butter cup. You, Garcetti, have single handedly created the most diverse homeless population in the world. And for that, you should be saluted. Now clean up some fucking Garbage by the side of the freeway, bitch. Tight competition this year, man. Heated. Oh, man. All right, Dan, there's more. God, we have more rants to go. God, there's so many rants. 7. It's going to keep going. All right, moving forward, Best interview. Oh, no idea. The nominees for best interview are. Jim Mitchell. You know, I worked with 13 of the worst terrorists that we caught for years, including Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and that was obeyed. And Ramsay, Benny, Sheep. I don't. I don't know if those names mean anything. Oh, yeah, I got the whole deck. Shock of spades. Yeah. 10 of clubs. They're pretty bad guys. I asked him one time, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, I said, how come you call Islam the religion of peace when all I ever see is you guys killing people? And he said, it is a religion of peace, and the world will be at peace when everyone is either converted, enslaved, or slaughtered. So we're spreading peace. So we're the religion of peace. Can't argue with that airtight logic. In fact, there's a lot of confusion about that. If you just listen to people like Senator Feinstein, you would think that adverse Zubeda and KSM and the rest of them suffered tremendous for years. But KSM was only subjected to 21 days of enhanced interrogation. That's three weeks. He spent another 170 weeks working with us to try, you know, helping us catch some of the people that were trying to destroy our country. Well, Feinstein's an amazing military strategist, so. How dare you? I know. And her and her yenta friends who you talk to in the parking lot of the Whole Foods at Santa Monica of leaning against a Prius and eating an organic apple, and they're explaining to you how everything works. I love the crazy hubris of these people who never seen it, never been around it, have no experience with it, and they're just willing to explain to you this is how it works. Right. That's the sort of thing that, you know, I find myself often just wanted to say, you know, listen up, snowflake. If you're the kind of person who thinks that macaroni and cheese is racist or you have to go to a safe space because the guy down the street wants to dress up like Mr. T on Halloween, then you don't get to sit at the big table with the adults when they try to figure out how to stop these medieval barbarians from crucifying children and burning people in cages, you have nothing to add. Leah Remini, have you had any interactions with the Jenna Elton Elfman's or the Tom Cruises or any of the other Scientologists. First of all, you know that they're not allowed to talk to me. I was, I didn't know that. But it makes sense. It's a rule. If you're declared a suppressive person, they're not allowed to talk. Now, I've been at part. Here's what's funny about some of these people is they talk a lot of crap, like on social media. They never like directly come to me. They never, they don't at me. So I don't know. And I'm blocked, by the way, so I couldn't even say something back. But if I, if I see them at parties and I've seen them, they literally run out of the room. They can't even be in the room with me. So they're very mouthy, but they won't confront me. And it's very, it's, it's, it's uncomfortable in this business. We're not used to kind of talking crap about each other public, publicly. Right. And so it's a go ahead. No, it's just, it's. I, you know, coming from me, I have a potty mouth and I'm crude, but I really feel it's, it's, it's bad for them to do because we all are, you know, divas in our own way. We all have our little things. You know, I want a sesame bagel. I won't. I need to be this temperature and that. You know what I mean? Like, we all have our thing, so we don't actually like out each other in that way. But this is very different because these people are attacking me and attacking others for things they know is true. And that's a problem for me because I know that they know it's true. So it's really insane. Sandra. Oh, for me, and I think a lot of people who partake in the ceremonies with ayahuasca, it's not about having a good time, actually, by the way, you don't necessarily have a good time. Things come out of every orifice. It is. It's like a big part of the whole process is to purge and to purge any way possible. You're basically aware the entire time, but, like, you set your intentions. For me at that time, you know, I was dealing with some issues, and one of them honestly being depression. You go into a certain point in your life, you know, I'm 45 now. It's like there are certain things that were not working, you know, and certain questions that I had, you know, I think I need to go tomorrow. It's like something like cognitive therapy, you know, which I've done for a long time. I felt like I was not. It was not breaking through, you know, And I wanted something that was much more somatic. Right. So I was trying a bunch of different things. It's like, you know, humming stuff and different stuff in the acting, you know what I mean? Movement stuff. And this was just. I just happened to have this kind of nature where it's just like what is a difficult spiritual challenge. Yeah, I want to try that. So it was really. It was not. So it was not so much like, I'm in a deep, dark place, I need help. It was more of like, I'm searching for things at this point, you know, for a decade or so. It's not breaking through. So I am interested in different. Different options out there. Out there. Laila Ali. I've always been an ambitious person, pretty, you know, level headed. But I had that anger in me and I had that rebel mentality. So I got myself into trouble, was hanging around the wrong crowd. I ended up going to juvenile hall, spent a few months there. Then from there, yes, I ended up going to a group home. I actually wrote a book about this. Reach, Finding Strength, Spirit and Personal power. And that's where I got my discipline. Because I, you know, once you get locked up, you're forced. Like, that's when I really woke up, like, oh, on one way or the other. Yeah. Like, I had to really, you know, and I. And I learned it that first day. But then the judge, he never actually sentenced me to time because he was like, this is Muhammad Ali's daughter. What are you doing? You know, so he kind of was like, sent me for two weeks and said, I'll see you in two weeks. And I thought I was gonna die. It seemed like forever. And then when I came back, he had me sit back all day and didn't see me and was like, go back. Set my court date for another two weeks. He did that to me a few times. Added up to three months. Wow. And by the time I was just like, just get me out of here. I'll go to a group home. Because he saw that there was a problem at home. He said, there's some dysfunction going on. Why does your mom not know where you are? You know, they started asking questions and he started figuring it out. So then from there, I had to go to a group home. And it was a program that I had to graduate and I graduated. Normally it Takes a year. I graduated. I was like, how long does this take? You know, I sized it up and got out of there and did everything I needed to do in six months. And then they were asking me to come back and work at the group home afterwards because that's when I really got to get in the minds of a lot of girls that didn't have the support and really had a lot, you know, just more dysfunction than I had in my family. Right. So that's. But it really shaped the way that I look at life. And I learned so much. There's nine of us. Of my dad's kids. I'm the only one that ever went through anything like that. And Judd Apatow, you know, they say that your pipes and your brain, your neurological pipes, they get set early. Like, I get nervous about things. Sometimes my wife will just, like, touch me from behind. I jump, right? And I'm like, built a certain way. And it's pretty hard to deprogram all of those things that you developed as a kid. I hoard self help books and read all of them. And in my head I'll be like, okay, I need to stay in the moment, and I have to let everything go, but I have to be aware of what I've done in the past and then try not to do it in the future. And I need to breathe, but I also need to. Need to be. You know, I could do it all day long, and then I'm in a panic. I'm literally, like, getting an adrenaline rush from thinking of my self help. Yeah, well, yeah. Thinking about being in the moment means you're out of the moment. Exactly. Weird irony. All right, best interview. All good interviews going to Leah Remini, everybody. Compelling. I'm already riveted. Tough, because she has a name. Mark Gerrigas would call her Lea Ramini. It's tough when you have a first and a last name that could really go either direction. Yeah. Leah. Leia. Yeah, different syllables. All right. That's what makes this show great, right? We have all the silliness, the callers and all the songs, everything. But then we'll do an interview with any of these people. It goes on and on, and it's fascinating and compelling. And not only that, but I always think, you know, it's this. You know, when you're a kid and hearing a recording of your grandparents or your dad or something like that, or, you know, even now, like, oh, I wish I'd recorded my grandfather telling some stories or something like that. This digital archive of some of These people that sat down. You know it's going to be useful to someone making a documentary about Mel Brooks one day because I sat down with him for an hour and asked him every single question. Is sort of digitally there. Norman Lear. So many, right? When you give a gift from L.L. bean, you're giving favorites in the making, designed with thoughtfulness and care, like the popular made to do it all puffer blanket. Light, warm, packable, and in fun graphics. It's the perfect gift for campers, snugglers, fire pit, storytellers, outdoor concert goers and more. It even has snaps at the top so you can wear it like a cape. This holiday, find out why there's nothing like something from L.L. bean. Shop the puffer blanket and more favorites@llbean.com gifts after the end of a good fight, you deserve an ice cold reward. Modela. You put in the hours, the energy, the tough labor, because you know the bigger the fight, the better the reward. Modelo remarkable fighter. Drink responsibly. Beer reported by Crown Import, Chicago, Illinois. Okay, let's do song three. It's best fart song of the year. The third. Our third nominee for song of the year, Dave Damaschek for Tamu hall of Fame tribute. You've paid your dues and scored lots of goals up in Winnipeg where it often snows. You played for the Ducks in Anaheim. I missed the part, but Disney's a good time. Bruising Clash and Clash and glashy Glash. You're in the hall of Fame tamer. So I made this nice song from for you T and Chu and Chu. No time for losers. Cuz Cheu and T. I love you. Wow. Wow. Thank you. No, thank you, Tamu. And you too, Chichu. Well, it sounds sort of comical, but it's funny. Yesterday somebody tweeted me, Kanye west covering some Freddie Mercury, some. Some Queen. Equally as bad and as incompetent. He did that move where, like, he had to hit a medium sized note and did the let the audience do it. And he was singing along. You can see it up on the Internet. It's him just going out there and doing a Queen song. Can't remember if it was pressure under pressure. Whatever it was, it was terrible. What a person that lacked ability musically would do in that environment. I believe it was Bohemian Rhapsody. That same song did so much better. Well, at least Dave. At least Dave did it. Tongue in cheek. All right, I don't. I get the part where he gets to go out there and do that. The part where we buy Tickets just confusing to me. All right. But anyway, someday I'll be on my deathbed, and Yoko Ono and Lou Reed and all these people all come to me, and an angel will come down and explain to me what the fuck they do. And then I'll leave him be in peace. I'll be in peace. Peace. Watch any tape of Lou Reed singing. It's like, what does this guy do? I have no idea what he is. The ghost of Lou floats up. Not even I know. All right. Oh, now it's time for the Daytime ACE Awards. Yes. In a private ceremony held earlier, Daytime ACE Awards were given out in the following categories. Best game show. That's a great game show. You put drunk, straight dudes at a bar by themselves. At the end of the night, Stamos comes in. Yeah. Do you accept the pack? Well, we'll find out when we come back. And if you do, you win, like, you know, $1,000, $2,000. The crowd's chanting, take that, peg. Take that pack. I think the beginning of this thing has to start with, like, we put the ad out in the trades. Big Full House fans don't believe gays should get married. Come on in. We want to talk to you. And so the beginning part where they're sober, they're just sitting there with their belt buckles, big belt buckles going. I just don't think it's right for two dudes to lay down together. I mean, you can go ahead and look in the Bible. It's Adam and Eve, not Adam. And we get a whole lot. That's the whole Act 1. And then we start juicing them up, you know what I mean? And then getting fucked up. Right? Then Stamos has to come in, and that's when it really sets the table for these guys and them even seeing Stamos, because then you get to see, like, these middle America, like, ignorant racist being like that guy from the Beach Boys. Ooh, ooh. Lower third tumescence monitor. We hook the guys up with a tumescence monitor. It's a ring that goes around your dick. When Stamos, like, sits down, we see a little action. Oh, my God. Robbing. You can't lie. Yeah. Like a little heartbeat going right, Right. Then he's. And then. Then we have some fun. Like, Stamos was like, hey, I was just at a Hillary rally, and you see it go down. Kicked out all the black. I was super pumped. Yeah. It's like Dolan was there. Move making its way back up again. Best apology. See, it's Normally the heterosexual white guy who's got the blue eyedello's gotta apologize for everything. Now it's funny that the black man's gotta apologize. Everyone has to apologize for everything all the time. Yeah, that's if you want to talk about, you know, MLK's real dream. It was everyone apologizing all the time. Like I dream of a day when a young black man can apologize eyes to a young Chinese man. And that was interrupts an apology to a transsexual man that he's given and where American Indian and eastern Indian can all apology. Cuz I've been to Apology Mountain. Let apologies ring. Let apologies ring. Great God almighty. Apologies ring. Best nickname. The HoneyCrisp has won three times over the last five years. Well, first off, calling an apple Honey Crisp is like me calling myself Cash y Dick. Like, hey, I like that guy. You do? He's kind of a douche. Hey, Cash, White Dick is a great guy. What are you talking. I don't know. I like the cut of his jib. Yeah, it's over compensation. Father of the year. My kids birthdays today actually as you hear this. So they're 11. Yeah. And they're 11. I'd like them to enjoy being 11. I'd like them to Enjoy being 11 and I don't want them to think that their mom and their dad are falling apart or insane or, you know, let them figure that on their own. Let them figure it out. Let them go online and figure that out. Yeah, he'll read the court transcript someday. Oh, my kid's birthday's not today. No, this. No, this airs to. Oh, it's Wednesday. No, he's wrong. Yeah. Voicemail of the year. Adam, I just want to give you some good news. I went to the opening of Road Hard and met you afterwards last year and I was just coming out of my divorce and I was worried about life and you put a hand on my shoulder and you told me you're young and you're pretty, you'll be fine. And I want to update you that things are great. And the reason they're great is because I have discovered black dick. And it will. And it's coming at me left and right. So life is good. So you were right once again, Adam, you're the best. Wow, sage words. Best political speech. We are diverse. Through diversity, we have strength. Through numbers and diversity, we find strength. If one person is let down, then we're all let down. We need to come together. We need to come together with unity. We need to come Together with respect. We need to come together with diversity. Whether you be gay, whether you be straight, whether you be brown, whether you be white, we need to live in a culture that respects, respects, and diversity is amongst the respect that we respect. I may not agree with everything you have to say, you may not agree with everything I have to say, but it is our mutual diversity, respect and love that brings us together with an open dialogue. The open dialogue that includes words like diversity, that includes words like even more diverse diversity, that includes inclusion and inclusions of diversity and inclusion of discipline, discussion of diversity, where we come together, when we have an open dialogue, when we can come together and join hands. Whatever your color, whatever your race is, whatever your religion is, it does not matter who you pray with. If we join hands and gather in a circle of diversity, in a spoken siren song of diversity, then we all rise together. Thank you. Fucking douches. I was just thinking back. You think back and I mean, we now have nothing to fear but fear itself. Are these speeches not do all these great wartime speeches of Churchill and everything? They're gonna look back at a bunch of assholes wearing fucking yoga pants talking about diversity. That's what their kids future like a hundred years from now, they're gonna look back on this. That's all they're gonna hear. Yeah. And they're gonna go, I have no idea what they mean. What's the main objective of these diverse people? Yeah, definitely no war going on. That's that much I know. All right, let's take a look at our fourth, I should say, entry into rant of the year. Our fourth nominee for rant of the year, graffiti artist. I have a special hatred for people that desecrate things because they essentially affect everybody around them. Like, you just pull into the gas station in the crappy part of town, you go to fill up your car, you see that some jack off has put his initials or his gang whatever into the little screen that you're using for the how much or how long or how many gallons. And all it does is bring everyone down just a quarter notch. Just the first. Your first thought is you have a little thought of, like, safety. Like, oh, is this a bad neighborhood? Or like, is this guy a gang banger? Like, you have a moment of like, what's going on around me? But you just bring it down. Whether it's an elevator or a gas pump, it's just. Just bring it down just a little bit. You guys are. And you should take the fucking square scribe with the tungsten tip in it, place it in your left ear and keep pushing it until it comes out of your right ear. You. You guys. And you're not a graffiti artist. You. You desecrate other people's and this town looks like because of assholes like you. I was visiting my dad at the Huntington Hospital in like the ICU and I got into the elevator and the thing, the little plexi where the readout was of what floor you're on had been desecrated by this guy and his fucking retarded ilk. Right? I don't get it, but I wish we would judge a little bit more and stop calling these guys fucking artists. They're assholes and they're antisocial. And I hope every single one of them that gets up on a freeway overpass that desecrate a freeway sign, I hope you fucking fall off. Off. And a run over by UPS truck with aids. The UPS truck has aids. There's vehicular aids. That's what happened to the first kit from Knight Rider. He got vehicular aids. Like you don't hear about it. It parted pretty hard. They covered up. I think it happened with the General Lee too. That's right. Well, how do you think he got. General Lee gave him the car. In their world, when you're rear ended, it's a lot more than bumper damage. A lot more. Wow. Where did the time go, man? So we have a whole second half loaded up for you guys. We have good sports in between. I'm gonna pour myself a little cocktail. How about that? Gary brought us some wonderful distilled spirits. I was gonna say this is fantastic. So I'm gonna have some of that and I'll enjoy Gary's gift. We'll take a quick break. Back with the second half. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Bet Online is the world trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. BetOnline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. Bet Online has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Bet Online. Bet Online. The game starts here and now. Alcoa presents the Last Word indefinitely. Not a Jew for 2017 Home Depot. Methamphetamine Assad. Diarrhea. Ramen noodles. Pina colada mix. Venus fly trap. Hobby lobby. She had no tea. Potato sal. Pig's ear. His infant son's room. Crab legs. Bud Light line. Pokemon cards. Machete. A car wash. His penis. Auto body repair. An off duty police officer. Sausage biscuits. Scooby Doo's mystery machine. A backyard chicken coop. Stolen forklift. His colostomy bag. Roger alligator. A dumpster. A Zamboni. A loose 2. Duct tape. A bowling alley Pork chop killed by Masa Sausage. Bull Seaman. His prosthetic leg. Thank you, Alcoa, for another year of sponsorship. Tune in in 2018 for more. Definitely not. I'm you. Oh, man. God, I'm crying. We've never done that one before. That was awesome. I just had this off the other day with Dawson. We did that once in the radio show, like one year we did that and I was thinking about how funny that was and as I'm hearing this, I'm like, oh, we're doing it again. How great. I can listen that for 45 minutes. Just punch just, just the tag to every. Definitely not that year. I will tell you the first cut of that was over six minutes long. Wow. All right, we got song of the year coming. And first I'll tell you about the lifelock. Then we'll do that holiday shopping, man. Using your mobile device, scammers can steal your credit card info, other data with the phony retail apps only. Download apps from reputable stores and read reviews for complaints about malware and so on and so forth. One in four people experience identity theft. If you're only monitoring your credit, your identity can still be stolen in ways you may not detect. Thieves could sell your information on the dark web. Get an online payday loan in your name. Let's not let that happen. We're right at 2018, people. Let's go. Lifelock in the new year, shall we? I got it. Kids have it, wife has it. Protect your identity. All the stuff you're doing online, all the stuff you're buying and shopping and everything online, it's just a little online insurance. Lifelock detects a wide range of identity threats. If you have a problem, the US based restoration specialist will work to fix it. They're the best. They're LifeLock. Dawson. No one prevents all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. LifeLock and Uncover Threats that you might miss. Join now and get 10% off with promo code Adam. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK or go to lifelock.com, use promo code Adam. That's Adam. To save 10% now. All right, song of the year, our fourth edition. Let's give it a listen. Our fourth nominee for song of the Year, Mike DAWSON For Lawrence O'Donnell mashup. Well, today, President Trump visited Texas, but he forgot to bring any empathy with him. But he did bring a hat. A hat is for sale. What's going on? Why am I losing this? Why don't I have sound? All right, it's back. Someone's pressing buttons and turning my sound off. Who was. Who's asking for a Labor Day rundown in my ear? Someone in that control room is out of control. You left in the rain without closing the door. God damn it. I didn't stand in your way. 10 seconds. Now I miss you more than I missed you before. And now, God damn it, where I'll find comfort. God knows. You have insanity in my earpiece. Left me just when I needed you most. There's insanity in the control room tonight. It's not my earpiece. It's somebody talking on our lives. Every time we go to assault, there's a woman talking in my ear about something that has nothing to do with what we're doing here. Stop the hammering. Stop the hammering out there. Who's got a hammer? Where is it? Where's the hammer? Somebody go up there and stop the hammering. Stop the hammering. I'll go down to the goddamn floor myself and stop it. Keep the goddamn commercial break going. Call Phil Griffin. I don't care who the you have to call. Stop the hammering. Empty out the goddamn control room and find out where this is going on. It's either there or there or out there somewhere. The woman talking in my ear was special. Repeatedly out of control. He should never apologize. I just don't. I don't know why I. I just. So now I have to chase those stupid goddamn entrails that you allowed him to stick out there. Jesus Christ. Crazy sound coming in my ear. This stupid hammering. I told you why I wanted those words cut. It just sucks. All right, it's back. It sucks to be out here with this out of control. Any thing can come into my ear at any moment. Anybody can get into my ear at any time. Just when I needed you, some woman talking about what we're doing after the show. Guests faces coming up in the middle of a script. Well, today, President Trump visited Texas to bring any empathy with him. But he did bring a hat. A hat. Great. Mike Dawson, everybody. Oh, man. We're really getting down to it now. Anticipation we're chock full of goodness today. We're getting into rant number five. Now our fifth nominee for rant of the year, Sonny's helmet. Hey, fuck sticks, you could have had and my son 23 hours a day. 23 hours a day. You're supposed to wear the corrective helmet 23 hours a day for like two years. How about the sheer fucking misery index? How about the fact that the parents are going to fight over it constantly? Where's the helmet? Did you put the helmet? How long. When did you put that? When did you put it on? Last night. You got to do the math. He's already had his hour off. He's already had his hour off. He cries when I put a pipe on. Put the helmet on, otherwise it's gonna go back. It's not gonna do any good. Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit asshole doctor. You would have caused so much fucking trouble. Not to mention. How about just my son? How about the fact that we pulled it on his head, sweat started coming down as far and he started crying? How about the fact that that kid would be sort of weirdly traumatized, like, later on in life. Hey, we're gonna go jet skiing. Put this helmet on. No, no. Why am I reacting this way? Sonny, we're trying out for the hockey team. No, no, no. We're getting to the mri. No, it's not your turn to bat. No. Right. Fucking quack ass doctor. Like, how about the kid being miserable for two years when he doesn't, you know, he doesn't need this fucking helmet? How about that? How about the. How about the arguments that the couples are. How about just a sheer, like, oh, we went on vacation. Oh, where's the helmet? Oh, someone's got a ups the helmet out now to Reno. We need that helmet. He can't go two days without that. You got to take it off, put it through security. Oh, them. And, and listen, everyone. If you want to know why I don't listen to anybody, this is exactly why. Yeah. This, this thing with, like. Even if there's like a 1% chance that he might be a little bit off, you have to. It's. That's right up there with zero tolerance. Like, no, no, there's zero talents. The worst idea I've ever heard. And if there's just a 1% chance that my kid. I'll roll the dice. I'll move forward my life if it helps even one person. Yeah, yeah. Now it's a huge waste of resources if it just helps the one that's Right. All right. Now we have the broadcasting Arts and sciences aces coming up. I'm excited about. Earlier this month, awards were handed out by the Ace Academy of Broadcasting Arts and Sciences in the following radio categories. Best new radio format. You get the deep bra grooves. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was thinking about that the other day. Hot. Yeah. When you. When you're busty, you get the deep bra grooves. But I thought it should also be a serious XM station. Deep raw groove. She's big. North of the border. Mariah Carey set from Mariah. It would only be busty chicks it all. It'd just be one, you know, 228 on series next to our daily deli. I'm coming back to Deep Frog Groove. And it'd only be chicks that wear a C plus cup and they just have to belt it out. You know what time it is, Aretha? Time. Deep frog. Ruth. Yeah. Saturday night Night mix. Right. Pull up a nice cup. Cups. Here's some more jewel for you. Progress 248. Sirius XM. Hi, I'm your host. Raceway announcer. Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. OCIR. Orange County International Raceway. They'll be there. Top Bueller. Funny card. Nitrous Methe. The Wheeling school bus like they always had some crazy one. Crazy, crazy. John Johnson, the human stick of dynamite's gonna be there. He's blowing himself up. The English leather girls are gonna be there. The signing autographs from noon to 2. Foxes free all foxes. Free all foxes that are free. Papa Do Run. Run. It's gonna be the infield. Especially erected stand singing in the infield. Eliminations during the day. No qualify during the day. Elimination of the night. Big Daddy John Garland's down there. Shirley Cha Cha Muldali's gonna be the shy town hustler. The Texas Billy McEwen. Billy McEwen says he wants to take that trophy. This way. Shirley's got other ideas and then they start weaving in. They start weaving a narrative in. Shirley, Chacha Maldadi says that that trophy is her big daddy's got other ideas. Yes. Best voiceover artist identification. And my mom was a background singer on a Perry Como show and she sang Letters. We get letters. Really? That's amazing. Yeah. Can you say am PM Too much good stuff. Cuz I feel like you sound like that guy. Yeah, Let me see if I can sound like him. Am. PM Too much good stuff. Is that you? Yeah, baby. It's not written down anywhere. I don't think it is. I thought you were just goofing it because you knew I. I just got a good ear. I have a weird ear in that I don't like AMPM and I don't watch too many AMPM commercials. And you're just talking, you're talking in your regular voice. And I have would know would never think in a million years that you were doing voiceover for AM PM. That's wild. It's sad. My 18th year with them. Jesus Christ. A steady gig. And my dad since he was an announcer. I asked him, you know, when I started doing that, I said, you got any advice? He said, yeah, show up early, work quickly, have no opinions and don't give anybody any crap. Best sportscaster hello everybody. Chet Waterhouse with the Waterhouse update, brought to you by Gentlemen Prefer Gentlemen, the All Gentleman's Gentleman's Club. NFL Atlanta beat up Aaron Rodgers so bad his sleep number is now 913. Cowboys got spanked like a Japanese businessman at a Dutch brothel. Gina, that sounds like your wheelhouse. The LA Chargers small soccer stadium had more empty seats than a Rammstein concert in Tel Aviv. Chargers lost for the second time on a missed field goal. Their kicker, Young Ho Koo has loaded himself in shame onto a Maersk shipping container headed for Seoul, South Korea with just water and cat meat. In the 2014 draft, the new York jets passed on Oakland stud quarterback Derek cox and Giants MVP Odell Beckham Jr. That item brought to you by the New York jets making even your boss look like Richard Branson. College football USC played Texas and the combined fan bases. Adam. Were still less elitist than the entire Emmy telecast. Baseball Cleveland Indians won a record 22 games in a row but still eventually had to fly back to Cleveland. Boxing Canelo Alvarez and Gennady Golovkin fought to a draw in Las Vegas like virtually every other couple who visits Las Vegas. Also, after a week of wall to wall media coverage. Adam. I still do not know which one was Alvarez and which one Golovkin. That item brought to you by Motorboats, the restaurant that's just a little more fun than Hooters. If you want more of me and let's just say this macrame is back. The first annual International Macrame Playoffs at the Corndome in Waterloo, Iowa. Three words, Adam, that separate this event from your average macrame competition. 45 second clock. That's right. They gotta do it short. I'm on Play by play for the Departure Gate Network. This is chetwaterhouse reminding you to play with pain House sports. Everybody loves Jet Waterhouse. Best live ad read by a celebrity. It is geico geico.com, everybody. All right, Vince Vaughn. You know what I like about Geico? I like the energy. I like that lizard, my man. I'm saying I'm a lizard kind of guy. I like the way that he's like, no, no, no. Kind of over there. You know what? I'm sitting with the ladies and stuff like that. I like the lizard, baby. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of that guy. I like that lizard. What's his name? I call him Lizzie. I know that's a girl's name. I know he's a guy, but he's from, you know, England. You know, I'm saying some. You know, his name is like, Lizzie or whatever like that. You know what I'm talking? Best news girl. Impersonating a news girl. Hold on, Adam. Hold. There is no way. Whoa. Say that again. I want to make sure I heard you correctly. 28¾. 28 out of 30. You say out of 30 is the max. There is. There is no way that's true, Adam. And best radio ramp up. Somebody gave me a tall order for Dawson because it's got a long buildup and. And we are rolling right into another fine set of the hits here in the toolbox, my friends. Stick around because Dusty Road's got a look at traffic coming up for us in just a little bit. It's brought to you by Toyota's used car tent show and RV sale plus gun show. You can get all you want and make a clean getaway. That's this weekend at the Pomona county fairgrounds. Remember the laughter at five after and an hour commercial free every. Every single morning with Aubrey and Hope here on the station that delivers all of the hits all the time back when he was called Cougar. First name still. John started out as Johnny Cougar, my friends. That wasn't enough. So he went to John Cooper. John had a long build up. Then he went to John Mellencamp and now he's thinking about changing his name to John Camp. Camp Mellon Cougar. Coming up after this, I'm gonna take the ninth caller for a free pair of tickets to that RV show and gun sale this weekend. Remember pomoni count at fairgrounds. We'll take caller 10 right after this. Hey, John, what do you need? Apparently you need about 30 more seconds to keep talking. My friends also want to remind you we got another rock block weekend this weekend. That's right. Two, three, sometimes four song sets from your favorite artists right here on the Toolbox. John wanted to go for about 2 minutes and 40 seconds here, folks. The engineer was getting a little itchy at the beginning of this song. And finally they crashed back to the mic. But not yet, because we got a couple more drum fills. And remember, Dusty Rhodes is standing by with that traffic report for us. It's brought to you by CompuServe. They're still around and so is this intro. Here's Cougar, and he likes the piano. Friends. What do you need, John? You need about 30 more seconds to get this guitar rig going. Wow. If you want to hear something, give me a call at 800. 800 hits all request hour coming up at 10 o'clock on the toolbox. Oh, and love it. It's off the cuff, too. I love. That's what I love about the show is going back and reliving all that stuff. All right. Oh, do I have. No, I don't have. That's just a. That's just a side award. All right, so we're going rolling into number six in the rant department. Dawson, our sixth nominee for Rant of the year. Employees not wiping their feet. I'm constantly trying to unravel the new breed of cat who the younger workforce. And I was sitting. It's raining out here in SoCal. And I am. I would say, Gary, say beyond anal with the mats and the white. The feet, right? Oh, yeah. I was sitting in my shop and had one of the young guys come in the back and just walked right through the thing onto the carpet. And I did the wipe your feet. In which case he did the great move, which is he walked right down 20 foot of carpet. Then he just walked on, wiped his feet and walked out again. And then four and a half minutes later, I was leaving. And as I was leaving, as I look down, I have two oversized, sort of industrial, real jumbo mats. They're not welcome mats. They're 3 foot by 5 foot. One outside of the shop door, one inside of the shop door. And I just looked down and I saw a nice fresh print of wet tracks going to where he was going and run a business. I have a nice floor in there, and I try to keep it clean. And I just said, please, I'm begging you, just for the love of God, just wipe your feet. Just wipe your feet. Can we please just do this? And I'm now realizing I don't think there was such a thing as me being 20 something years old and having my rich boss going, I'm begging you, can you please just do this? Like, we've brought it up 1400 times or 2000 times. I don't know how many times I brought up. Just wipe your feet. Just please wipe your feet. Please, please. And he's like, yeah, all right. Or whatever. And I realize everything's a suggestion. There are no more order. Here's the deal. Here's something to think about. Yes, nobody gets to give orders anymore. We've, we've, we've come to a place where no more order. So, so everything falls under the heading of I'll, I'll take that under consideration. I'll consider that. And since everything is. I will take it under consideration. Then it's like I've decided not to. But I don't know what to do. Like, I've, like. Just wipe your feet. It's raining outside. You just walk from the parking lot down the wet sidewalk and up into this place where you work. There's huge mats laid out. I've made a huge deal over this tens of times, thousands of times. Just do it. What if you start charging? What you're saying is fantastic. I mean, effective, right? But there's another alternative. Would you just do what the hell I told you to do and we get on with our goddamn lives? Like, we could, we could make a game show. We could build a game show around it and I could put up like a tote board and we could, we could deduct 10% each time you didn't and if you did it multiple times. Or you could just wipe your feet and we'll get on to the next thing. So funny. I was, I, yeah, we'll get into this in the new year. But I'm endlessly fascinated by this subject. So I was listening to Dennis Prager's I'm Apt to Do Radio Show Host out here. And he had his grandson on as his seven year old grandson. And he was like in Florida and his grandson was visiting him and he was doing. And in the new year, Gary will remind me, I'll play this for you. But he put him on the mic and you know that thing you do, what's your favorite thing? What do you like about your daddy and all that kind of stuff? It's just a waste of my time. He would say to him, I'll make his name up. So Johnny, tell me your favorite subject in school. Hold the mic up, Mike, put your mouth against the mic. And he's like, I would like mic. Put the mic up. In a 90 second interview, he told him 14 times to put the mic and it never. And then I realized, oh, that's my life. Except for with adults. They're not seven. And then I start thinking about. You just think about the mic. Like how many times you tell people the mic. I've done things with Nate and we make the films and stuff. We go to the Indianapolis Museum. We do the thing. He's got the mic up and then the mic just goes by his waist. And then he answers a question, I grab his elbow and I start pushing it up toward his face. I'll do it three times in a row. And I like Nate, but what is that about the human condition? And can we glean something? You know what I mean? Did you have to say that to a seven year old Vince Lombardi? Some guys just have it. What about when you were a boxing coach? You wanted people to keep the left up right when they're at hand. What did you do? I just smacked him in the head. I think you have your answer. Yeah. Give him a little bop on the head. Seven and up. All right. Oh, we're going into. I just thought about like in. And if that is your person, if that's you, you're the person who was told 11 seconds ago to speak into the mic. And now the mic's three foot from your face. And then you got told again and it's now been 22 seconds and the mic's away. Can you really think about that aspect of your life for a second that you're just completely unable to ingest information whatsoever? Examine thyself. Yeah. Okay, it's in us all at seven. Could we see if we could wash it out of our hair by our 40s? How dare you. All right. Oh. We're going into best musical performance. Austin's going to call the winner of this one. Sorry. Go ahead. The nominees for best musical performance are. Lucas Nelson for Forget About Georgia. We made love for the first time in a hotel in San Francisco. A night so perfect I try to forget about it now. And Ray Charles is singing her name like rain on my window. And I want to release her but I can't begin to know how. So I say, ray, let me forget about Georgia. Cause she'll never love me like I know love's supposed to be. I say, ray, let me forget about Georgia. But a part of me hopes that she'll never forget about me. Part of me hopes that she'll never forget about me. Chrislox Amana for taking my time. Oh, I hit the pacific when I wanted your blue and I feel you like the cold. Never sit in electric on a new Been feeling it loom as you swim away to the sky but when minutes continue I'll spin with you but for now I'm taking my sweet time and Wheeler Walker Jr. For summers in Kentucky Heard you gained a few got saggy tits but who am I to say cuz I've aged like that's why I think we'd be the perfect fit. Summer's in Kentucky and I sure miss I give up all the in the young shape muff Bring your flabby ass back. That would be enough. You and I both looking pretty rough since the summer's in Kentucky. Man, I miss that stuff. Dawson, you won a announce the winner. The Academy had a very tough time. Yeah, was demoing the beat, buddy. So there was a lot to that performance. Wheeler Walker Jr. The only comedy in in the whole thing. But the Academy has agreed that the ACE award goes to. Lucas Nelson. Oh, that was a beautiful song. I listened to that song many times since he was on that show. Christian watched me get confused, walk around the house in my Wheeler Walker Jr. T shirt. And now she knows a little more of why I wear that shirt. She'll probably ask you to take it off. Hopefully he has a podcast and he'll give Max Pat an award on it one day. Oh, they were all great. They were best drop. It's our first best drop. Big. The big category. The nominees for best drop by a guest are. That's obscene. I'm gonna hump you out the booty. I'm gonna hump you out the booty. Hey, baby, tough times in the city. Not Nicotopia. Twitter. Wow. Now that's best drop by guest. By a guest. By a guest. Right now. There were some great ones by the guests. Who was the I'm gonna hump you up the booty one? Al Madrigal. Oh, yeah. A girl would bully him. Instead he would grab him behind the good one. Yeah. Ah, so many great many. I repeated muttering under my breath again in my Whaler Walker Jr. T shirt. But the winner is. Hey baby, tough times in the city. Yes. Fred Stewart. Oh, that one got repeated many times in the house. To Tessa, who again was confused. Hey baby, tough times in the city. God, I love him. Now we move forward to best drop by staff. Ooh. The nominees for best drop by an ACS staff member are. On your feet. Clean your seat. Nuts. Hey, Gary, man off. If black people kill black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people? What's up with stuff? The ACE award goes to. What's up with Stuff well deserved. A little bit of social commentary in there along with the general delightfulness. Look out for what's up with stuff in 2018, by the way. Will we ever know what is up with stuff? Now we move forward into to best drop by host slash sidekick. Oh. The nominees for best drop by a host or sidekick are. Hi, guy. Would you like me to make banana cry? Hey, epic fail. Not Brian Bishop. Very sad. You know, in the winter, I'm afraid. Trade. Not Brian Bishop. I love those stories. My pain is your gain, everyone. Love all those stories. A lot of tread on that tire. All right, now, most annoying drop in general. Okay, the nominees for most annoying drop are frozen. Hey, I like football. Sorry, I'm not home right now. I'm okay. In this call you back. Bruising cl, a heated competition for most annoying. Many people involved. All of the nominees should be very proud. It's an honor to be nominated, so congratulations to you all. But the drop, the most annoying drop of the year is cruising. Well deserved, Gina Grads. You know, getting back to Gwen Stefani. Awesome. Robin quivers from 10 minutes earlier. The real mimic over there. Maybe we'll dust off Jennifer Tilly next year. Oh, please do give us a full stage. I'm happy to do it. Right now there's a whole picture of the Jennifer Tilly. His words are seat filler. Whatever. He's playing cards. I really like playing poker, but I took the night off to be with you guys. We got to delve a little deeper into you and this talent because I want to use more of it in 2018. First, I'll tell you about Geico. What would say about Geico? What would she say about Geico? You want to save money on your car insurance? I would love that. If you have any tips, I'd really like. Well, my tip is go to geico.com, spend 15 minutes. You could be saving 15% or more on your octo insurance. Extra money in your pocket. Use a little of that. Put it toward the World series of Poker. Jennifer Tilly. Is that so I can have a little whammy? A little wham. A little walking around money it is Geico. Just see how much you could be saving this year. 15 minutes could be saving 15% or more@geico.geico.com. all right, now we're sort of rounding third and heading to heading home. Here, our final nominee for song of the year, Rich Banks and Mike Lynch 2000 podcasts. This could be the beginning of something great. Or it could be painful, humiliating. 20 minutes. Let me tell you about first off I gotta say this I'm nervous. I don't know why but I've never done this before Jimmy Kimmel Pets on plane Adam's magic crystal brain backup beepers Brian's cancer lazy Hippie Mom Seth McFarlane Darling Gavin Newsom asshole patent trollers sue and Brian Cranston Brian Bishop both spelled with a Y blah blah blah Ken Burns at your teen no red turns Jay Moore the death rat guy Bryan Cranston does AI no more showers hygiene he pissed off the Philippines Alec Baldwin reeled Hopper down his right goodbye hi he's the 2000 podcast and you keep complaining and you're never WANING he's the 2000 podcasts and you keep on going cause it's hard he's blowing over power makes you sick 50 years will all be chicks Max a pat a half tar Gary Jerkin on a flight Vince Dog Dr. Spaz Richard Martin and white jazz Larry Miller's road trips occupation by Wall Street K road hot Newman's got a winning dot fond dropping turds Haren Williams doing first Dr. We can rage podcast on a cruise ship Endless rant IPA tournament Rose comprehensive keep complaining podcast there going to be 10 more versions whose guitar is blowing Jeevo game Artie Lang August looks like Katie Lang rich face genus tits who the sells the Garrett ghost doctor Drew David Wild ball Jew lackey stole his microbrew Elliot cool interview my God Sonny Bono Yoko Beastie Boys holler notes Huel Howser Mike Ro May or be a Dawson president me made up peanut allergies retards at the Huff Pole Kevin Smith's an asshole east of 2000 podcasts and you keep complaining and you're never WANING east of 2000 podcasts and you keep on going cuz it's heart he's blowing Albert Brooks has best guest Lynette kicked off Southwest Molly Philly big mama got it all Sonny and Natalia not Taco Bell material Olga cheap calls chain smoking baby doll no beer in first class daggas Teddy Pendergrass DFT not JV what else do you want from me? I hope it goes another hour yeah, me too Taboo Jewel Bungloo definitely not a Jew rich man, poor man Bollywood Kaelin taxes fair share Jeff Ross Rose Eisen and the Dole Post Guinness record from Gervais Celebrity Apprentice made up movie favorite tweets Red bracelet for eating beats do his best not your best window of negligence he sold out Seattle's more mangrias in your liquor store but Candy's Complaints about mama's chanting freak out. And if the mics were gone, you'd still get it on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Yeah. Rich Banks with them guessing. An assist from Mike lynch got us this opus. That was amazing. Absolutely amazing. Epic. Well, now it's time to finally announce the song of the year winner. You know, hoping, like, so there'll be. There'll be odds on the Oculus. You can gamble. Like, when the Pixar movie's up for best animated feature, it's like the heavy, heavy favorite. You haven't bothered betting on the other ones. If. If the. We didn't start the fire, it is not win. There is a recount. Automatically triggered. That was a magnificent effort. It was incredible. And the winner is. Damishack. Che Chew song. Choo Choo Song. Oh, no. Oh, there's some grumbling with Price Waterhouse in there. Oh, just like the Oscars. We're just like the Oscars. I'm sorry, Moonlight. Yeah, it seems like there has been a mistake. Oh, my God. No. What about Damishack? Word. It spreads fast. Now, look, look, look. We're all about integrity here. And. Oh, he's being handed a piece of paper. Yeah, the wrong envelope went out. I am so sorry. It goes to 2,000 podcasts. Yeah. You guys won. Oh, yeah. Literally, no one's upset right now. Wow. Yeah, this is. This went right. Thank you, Warren Dubey. All right, we. And injustice was correct. God, I was scared for a second. Everyone's heart stopped. All right, now we're getting right into it. Tampered with the envelope. Guest of the year. The nominees for Guest of the Year are. Eric Stones Street. So I was just at Disney World, and I. You know how we are. We hear voices, and then I just mimic them and mimic and mimic them. So this is the voice that you hear before you get on Big Thunder Mountain. It's the wildest ride in the wilderness. And so I kept doing it. I kept doing it. The friend I was with and the guy, they were like, okay, that's enough. And I'm like, no, but it's the wildest ride in the wilderness. And I'm not kidding you. It is tone for tone. Exactly. Voice. Gary has a voice. This here's a wildest ride in the wilderness. No, that's not it. That's not the right voice. I have it. I can do that one, too. Gary does. Here it is. It's the wildest ride in the W. Okay, no, hold on. Was that me? Or was that him? Because I seriously don't know. It's a great way to do it. Now let's hear Eric. No, that is not the voice, though. That's not the right one. You're not. Compare them. It's the wildest ride in the wilderness. All right, that's Eric. Now let's hear the real one. It's the wildest ride in the wheel night. It's close. Now let's hear. Very close. It's the wildest ride in the wilderness. Okay, so see, now I'm really, truly confused. Was I what? Not one of those. No, don't be confused about them. About Brian being a dick. Okay, let's hear. Let's hear. Well, you know what, Eric? No, Brian, you are starting with a false narrative. That is not the voice I'm even referencing. So you cannot use that to. To. To compare. I'm a professional. I would not just resort to such. Well, they had a different guy do that one at first. We'll make it. Make it easy. I'll play one of them. We'll see which one, yours or his, and you tell me which one you think. His isn't the one I'm talking about. No, just. We're just gonna play a new one. Brand new one. So this is. Okay, you tell me which one it is. It's the wildest ride in the wilderness. Which one do you think that is, Eric? I don't know, because that's how good I am. So dumb. French steward. I remember talking to you about your dad, how crazy he was and what a kind of grifter and con artist he was. He was a grifter. He was a Milton French Stewart iii. Wow, that's a good name. Yeah. So there was Milton French Stewart the first, and he killed a guy on a bridge in Virginia, and then he vanished into the woods. Milton French Stewart Jr. Was like a boxer. That was inappropriate with children. My dad was like a full con man. And so basically it took like four generations to get to fucking actor. Like a child star actor, like, kind of thing. So, you know, my dad would. He, like, he. When he divorced my mother, he would, like, come for one bad play date a week. He would say, all right, we're going to run an errand. And so you run an errand. And he would go rent the exact car that he drove, pull it around the corner, and then he would change the tires out, and he would just say, oh, French. You know, it's just cheaper to, like, buy, like, a car for a day, change the tires Out. As opposed to just, like, you know, buying tires. Like, you should run. Remember this? It's like an imparting wisdom. It's like a mo. Like an Oprah moment. Like, you're like, all right, all right. You know, and then you're like. Like, later on, you're in the seventh grade, and he goes, oh, well, like, if you want to get Girls, just say their name a lot and. And. And look them in the eye. It'll be fine. You're like, all right. Like, you know, he's a bad dad. Jeff Goldblum. Here's a. Here's a movie, a trivia thing. So look at Gina's nail polish. Gina Grant's nail polish. Look at the. She has hands. Thank you. Look at the color of it. Fetching color of it. What color would you call that? I'd call it a fleshy flesh tone. What. What character in what movie wore that same color? This is for a million dollars. You'll never get it on their fingers. What? What on their fingers? Not to. As I'm assuming. Okay. We're not visible in that movie as far as I remember. No. And it's a movie from. It could have been the 70s, you know, nothing could have been the. That's right. Now, this is good pot. This is very good pot. The sixties, okay. Faye Dunaway. You know what movie? You know? Nothing like a bunch of little weasel diesels. Faye Dunaway. Bonnie and Clyde. No. Thomas Crown affair with Steve McQueen. Also a racing. Also a driver. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah. The King of Cool. This has been Trivia Time with Jeff Goldblum. Hey, you like how I took you there? Wow. You should be hosting a game show. I know you're. You never stop working, doing theatrical stuff, but now that everyone's just toggling back and forth, you got Baldwin. You know, they're backing up the Brinks truck, and they're paying Baldwin. Why aren't you hosting one of those? Fun Night Out. I got a title. You Know Nothing. You know Nothing, and it's just stuff off the top of your head. Yeah. Hey, so you know nothing is the title. Well, you do. Are you controlling those? You push those buttons. You know Nothing. Yeah, that's good. Hey, that's a good title. All the contestants are in their mid to early 20s, and then you make references about obscure movies. Hannah Chagrin Shagula starred in what movie? Right? In Night. When it was Hungarian. It was Hungarian, but It was subtitled 1949. Hannah Shagula movie Go. And that's his catchphrase. When they don't know, it's like exactly, you know nothing. You know nothing. Exactly. All right, we'll be right back after this. Exactly. I like it. That's a winner. Once again, we ended a dead heat, zero to zero. And that's why. And then the audience says that's why you gotta play. You know nothing. That's a winner. Bin Laden's killer. Rob O'Neill I don't consider it a disorder. I consider just post traumatic stress for sure. And a lot, a lot of guys get it. I've been very fortunate, believe it or not. I've never seen a friend get hurt in front of me. Never had a friend get hurt on combat. I've had friends that have died that I'm very close with but not, not when I was there with them. So I, you know, I've never seen a child get hurt so I've been lucky. But I have friends that have and have seen friends die right in front of them in a horrible way. So they do have it and we talk about it too. But part of the issue with PTS is that it's over diagnosed, they want you to have it. So everyone that's been to combat, they want. You definitely have a huge denial. And the problem there is the people that actually have it don't get the treatment they need because they're trying to treat everyone, even people flooding. And a lot of it, believe it or not too, and a lot of vets won't tell you that is because if you have PTSD or whatever they call it, you can get benefits. So even people that haven't seen combat, they can claim it and get, get money and they do. Well, I do have an idea about a possible transition thing but you tell me if it's too marshmallow for you because I really, I've been thinking about this for a while. If you're a combat veteran and you're coming home for whatever, two weeks, four weeks, there's like some really, really, really nice high end spots where you're getting just place to decompress with talk therapy, with individual therapy, with chilling out hardcore like appreciation. I think they do stuff like that now too. I'm not sure if it's, it's required but I'm stuck. There's stuff out there and I think a lot, I think actually help a lot of people. Thanks, I'm glad. Let's talk more about that. I mean I can be the test case if y'all smuggler right now, but apply like a really expensive high end Spa. That's a problem. We got a problem. Well, they're not all in Afghanistan. Some go to, like, the Philippines. Those guys are different. They have a different idea of a spa experience. You know what I'm saying? Right, sure. So those guys are going to actually, we will make concessions for that. Ptsd. If they don't get a happy ending, you know what I mean? Like, that could send them further in their spiral. Stress. Well, again, they're used to this operation in a theater. I think what you get there is ptsd. That's the thing. Thank you. Thank you. And Tim Allen, do you think prison saved your life? Yes. It was either that or the military. I should. I wanted to be in the military most of my life until someone told me. Exactly. You'll have to be screamed at. Really close. One of those boot camp things. I said, I think I'd punch the guy. How long were you sentenced to. I got seven years and did three of it because I originally was sentenced to a lot. And then we got it. It turned into a federal offense, which was a blessing because the feds don't have that same law. So it turned into continuing criminal enterprise or something like that. It was selling cocaine. Yes. But it was originally started with marijuana. And my problem with the whole thing is that they caught me early and they just kept upping the ante. It's like, to me, I always told the judge, this is like getting a guy for a burglary, but you want to keep setting him up till he gets. Finally get murdered. But he. Right, he committed a burglary. I sold pot. You know, they just kept up. And. How about this? And they just kept upping the ante. I was in a holding cell for 60 days, which was miserable. Just miserable. 16 other guys, you know, two months, you know, in. In there or during Christmas. So I said, I'm gonna kill myself. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna. I'm gonna stitch together like in the movies. The. The sheets, put it on the bar, and I'm gonna kill myself. And then the comedian says, you're going to screw this up. What's going to happen is you're going to be hanging there nude, and you won't be able to get to the thing, and you'll be just hanging there, and all the other guys are going to come in and take advantage of going full pinata. Yeah. Because you didn't quite get it right. And I started laughing so hard at this that that's really what saved me, is I constantly Had a sense of humor. Sometimes not at the right time, because I'd have guys that would go, can we talk after this? Because we. I did toastmasters in some religious study groups to get a out and have a real hamburger outside of the walls. And I do these and make jokes about people, take shots, and some of these guys says, you know, I'm in here because I can't take shots at people. So that one guy got me up against the wall because he was gonna beat me up, hurt me, and I started laughing so hard as he's got me by the neck, and he goes, what is so funny about this? And he goes, if my brother could see the look on my face, right? You know, terrified. What do you feel? One of my brothers and I always used to laugh at terrible faces. And when you're terrified, you have. That's who you look like. And this guy had me by the throat's gonna beat me up. And I couldn't stop laughing. All those great guests all coming up in the best of between now and the new year when we return with original programming. All right, Guest of the Year. Oh, my God. Do you have a pick? Who could it be? You know, you don't. People know. You don't get a vote. Like, you find out at the same time. Here's the announcer that stonestreet French, Rob O'Neill, Tim Allen. I loved with Stonestreet that you were playing him twice. And he kept saying, see? So stupid. It was great. Oh, God. I want to say Tim Allen, because I felt like we got into stuff that he never really gets into. Yeah, it was a great. He was honest about it. I remember after the Rob O'Neill interview thinking, wow, that was really powerful. Oh, I must say, a few people came up to me and went, wow, I heard that thing. That was amazing. The Rob O'Neill one. All right, Lest we not forget Jeff Goldblum, who just comes across the most affable human being on the planet. Right? And the winner is. Eric Stonestreet, everybody. Wildest guest of the wilderness. Yeah, somebody tweeted me waiting in line. And, you know, the Gold Rush Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Then the wildest ride in the wilderness. All right, Eric, do you have anything to say about that? It's the wildest ride in the wilderness. Don't just slay someone else's tape. I mean, actually say something. All right, and last but not least, rant number seven. We're finally going to announce the winner for rant of the year. Our final nominee for rant of the Year freeway trash. I'm putting this out there to whoever the goddamn mayor is of Burbank or Glendale or Sun Valley. When you look at this goddamn fucking stretch of highway between here and like Sun Valley, like they going to the Burbank Airport. It looks like war torn Beirut. It is just trash everywhere. Your fillings are gonna fall out the freeway, so fuck up. Graffiti everywhere. And I hate the most depressing, the weird kids toys. There's kids toys are being used, like to create like a makeshift wall so the guy can sleep by the side of the freeway and not get dragged off by coyotes. It is just a dump. It's an embarrassing dump. And I don't know who the are who run the city. Like, don't they travel the highways? Like there's a mayor? What's the name of the mayor? Gary, find me the name of the mayor of Burbank or Glendale or Sun Valley. Doesn't this dickhead travel the fucking freeways? Isn't he embarrassed? Like, if people came to my town and I went, hey, I'm the mayor of Sun Valley. Let's have a look around. And there's just trash and homeless everywhere. Fucking kids toys turned over on the side of the freeway and just scorched air, scorched dirt and dead weeds. I'd be fucking humiliated. Paula Device of Glendale. Paula Divine. Why don't you have some fucking pride? Get your head out of your fucking ass and do something. Do you travel the freeways? Does Paula Devine and Sunland? Javier, finally someone's calling out. Paula Divine. Your time is coming, Divine. Javier Pereira Parea. Parea. Pariah. Javier Pariah of son of Sunland. Sunland is a fucking dump. Tijuana Life laughs at Sunland. It's the ugliest, shittiest looking fucking stretch of highway. It's a dump. It's a dump. Javier, do you live in Sunland? Do you travel in Sunland? Do you know anyone who works in Sunland? Can you fucking clean up your shit box? It's a litter box filled with cat shit and your taxpayers have to drive it every day. Javier Paria Parea. How would you say that? I like Pariah. Javier Pariah and Paul Devine and Burbank as Dr. David Gordon. How about you get your fucking shit together and clean up your goddamn piece of shit town? Freeway looks like shit. God damn, it is mind numbing when you travel and you just go, who runs this place? It's easy to believe they don't live here. Yeah, well, they have to, right? They have to live In a district. Where's the personal project I would give you? Like you can go inner city and south side of Chicago and you can go wherever you want projects and wherever you want. But I still say that there's something about the burnt earth, something about the dead trees and the sand everywhere that just ups the ante over the sort of projects, inner city vibe, pound for pound depression. You're right. Yeah. It's got a very apocalyptic vibe to it. Whereas the inner city doesn't quite have survivors. Yeah, when, when you take a look at Will Smith's movie Omega man, not Omega Man's I Am Legend. It doesn't like the city's all grown over, but it does not. Aesthetically, it's not a medically that bad burnt. This is just, it's just. This is more Mad Max. It's like looking at a meth head on their last days. If this is your route, if this is your terrain, if you govern this area, how can you possibly not want to do something about it? Terminator Salvation. All right. Yes, you're exactly right. Rant of the year. The biggest. The biggest is Mayor Garcetti and homeless diversity. Well done, well earned. Well, if you put a button that one and never hear about that again. So as the mayor of Los Angeles, in terms of diversity, you didn't do shit for that. That's just a bunch of people from a bunch of fucked up places moving in and you not being able to control it. Yeah, right. Like when we win the science fair or something, then brag about it. Diversity. This is just, this is one of the. It's like saying at a bar they have those weird mat things that are on top of the bar when you dump all your booze to overflow just so you got gin, we got scotch, we got vermouth, we got some Bloody Mary mix. It's like bragging about what's in there. Yeah, we got some attention here. Yeah, down the drain. Yeah, it's just a bunch of junk that got slopped in over a shot glass. What are you bragging about, douche? All right, thanks to all the nominees. Thanks to all the nominees and again to Dawson and Lynch and everyone who helped put together quite an effort. It shows, I'll tell you, like I said, my mode. I think everyone around here, everyone's just got their ears pinned back. They're moving so fast that you never really stop and look around and go, wow, what have we done? This is an amazing thing. So it's nice that we can stop and enjoy that now. We're going to start enjoying some barbecue. Yeah. Once again, all because of you. You who are listening, who tweet us, you who go on the cruises with us, you who support our sponsors. It could not happen without you. And because we have no advertising campaign, you are little mice that go out and infect everybody. So thank you once again, Alex. It's really romantic. And because you couldn't possibly say it about yourself, I think I speak forever when I say thank you for everything you do and for letting us be here with you. I wish I could accept that, but I cannot. So I thank all you instead. Thank you for thanking me. And until next time. Next time for 2017, this is Adam Crowe for Gina Grand Ball Bryant saying mahalo. Thank you for joining us for this year's ACE Awards. Share it with a friend and show them what they missed in 2017 and get them listening into 2018. Produced by Mike lynch and Mike Dawson, co producers Gary Smith, Kailyn Bean, Dylan Wren, Emmy Funes, Gabe Maldonado and Chris Locks Amana Orchestra and score for the ACE Awards provided by Extreme Music. Visit extrememusic.com recorded using Rode microphones and produced on Adobe Audition and Avid Pro Tools. Special thanks to archivist superfan Giovanni. Travel to the ACE Awards furnished by whichever airline that won't let Adam in. The first class lounge Hotel accommodations by some place with half regular and half decaf in the rooms because they're catering by Olga and Blue Apron Catering not eaten by Brian and Andrew Porcelain punished and pleasure sought by Matt Fondelier. The ACE Awards a Corolla digital production. All right, that was the 2017 ACE Awards. That does it for today's cool classics. Tune in tomorrow for even more Ace Awards and fun clips. Until then, mahalo. And get it on Ra.