Heather Locklear (4:10)

Well, chips first, and then once I got with Aaron Spelling, then you have to do Fantasy Island, Love Boat, all of those shows.

Adam Carolla (4:16)

You have to guest star on that welcome. Right? Yeah. And how old were you when you did chips?

Heather Locklear (4:22)

18, I think.

Adam Carolla (4:24)

So, and you grew up in the Valley or the Deep Valley, right?

Heather Locklear (4:27)

Yes, Canoga Park.

Adam Carolla (4:29)

Oh, Canoga.

Heather Locklear (4:30)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (4:31)

So, you know, there wasn't much going on out there back in the day. I mean, it was rural, right?

Heather Locklear (4:37)

I mean, it was still the Valley. There was still Lanark Park.

Adam Carolla (4:41)

Right. But I mean, I used to work in Chatsworth in, like, the mid or later 80s. And you drive there and you see a lot of open land and stuff. Like, it was a little bit Western in its own way.

Heather Locklear (4:54)

Well, When I was 11, we moved.

Adam Carolla (4:55)

To Westlake Village, and that was more suburban.

Heather Locklear (4:59)

Yes, yes.

Adam Carolla (5:00)

Okay. Picked up. So you were just one of these people. It's. Some women sort of grow into their looks. Others, it's pretty easy. You look like you should be on. Well, you should be. When people see you at 15, they go, she should be on TV.

Gillian Barbary (5:18)

Oh, yeah, right. If I may jump in.

Adam Carolla (5:21)

Jump in, Jillian.

Gillian Barbary (5:22)

You know how people have ugly stages in their life? So we're. Trust me, awkward stages. I saw a picture of her at 10, and I said, are you fucking kidding me? Like, have you ever been ugly? No, she's.

Heather Locklear (5:33)

No teeth.

Gillian Barbary (5:34)

No, she is not.

Adam Carolla (5:35)

No, no. The way everybody feels awkward at a certain.

Gillian Barbary (5:39)

You. She didn't look at.

Adam Carolla (5:41)

I had a sad or bizarre realization the other day, but I realized every human, no matter how rich or how beautiful or how gifted and artistic, takes a shit once a day.

Gillian Barbary (5:56)

Or 10 times. Or 10 times.

Adam Carolla (5:58)

And that shit metabolism reminds you you're human. You know what I mean? And so I may turn on the TV and. And see, you know, you on Chips or something. Or, you know, maybe I see Gisele Bundchen or something and I see her, but what she sees is a toilet bowl full of shit.

Heather Locklear (6:23)

I don't look.

Adam Carolla (6:24)

And she knows. But I mean, she knows. It's grounding. It's humbling.

Gillian Barbary (6:28)

It is humbling.

Adam Carolla (6:29)

And so we have some weird guys when we're young, fantasize that hot chicks don't even shit at all.

Gillian Barbary (6:36)

Sometimes Heather and I would just shit in our backyard just to remind ourselves who we are, keep it real and where we've been.

Adam Carolla (6:41)

So you have some. Everyone goes, oh, I had awkward years. And none of the boys, every model I've ever spoken to said, I was home prom night. Elle McPherson Guys were too scared to talk to me. Cause I was too tall or whatever. Whatever.

Heather Locklear (6:55)

They said, oh, I was too beautiful.

Adam Carolla (6:57)

But not us. We know.

Gillian Barbary (6:59)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (6:59)

Jillian and I know the truth. But the point is, you start early and you're modeling and acting and doing the stuff. I mean, Southern Cal, blonde, attractive by those standards. And back then it was Farrah Fawcett.

Gillian Barbary (7:17)

And then they wanted the next Farrah, honestly. And then you kind of popped up.

Heather Locklear (7:21)

Now, actually, my dad worked at ucla, and they were doing the UCLA bearwear catalog.

Adam Carolla (7:27)

The bearware? Yeah, the Bruins.

Heather Locklear (7:29)

The Bruins. And so me and this other guy, he goes, oh, my daughter's a model. I'm like five five. And this other guy with blonde hair, we both were on the COVID And so I think some alumni from ABC saw that and they brought me in to do a screen test. I'm like, I don't even know what I'm doing.

Adam Carolla (7:47)

It's also a time when they'd go, let's just cast this really good looking person. She's a cop. Make a motorcycle cop or something.

Heather Locklear (7:54)

Yeah, well, I did Dynasty first.

Adam Carolla (7:55)

Oh, you did Dynasty was Sammy Joe?

Gillian Barbary (7:58)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (7:58)

Okay.

Gillian Barbary (7:58)

She was like, you were so.

Heather Locklear (7:59)

And then they fired me because they had fired the first Stephen. And for whatever reason. And so then there's no storyline for me. And so then I auditioned with only 450 people. Now there's a million for each.

Gillian Barbary (8:12)

Yeah.

Heather Locklear (8:13)

And I got that role in T.J. hooker. And then they got a new Steven and then brought me back. So that's how I got on both shows at the same time. And I wasn't, you know, the number one.

Gillian Barbary (8:24)

No, but how did you manage two shows?

Heather Locklear (8:27)

It was. I was not the number one on the cast.

Gillian Barbary (8:30)

But you stood out, like, especially on Dynasty. Sammy Jo was this feisty little biatch, and she was fun. And so I think when your character was gone, everyone's like, ooh, where's the hot girl? That's sassy.

Heather Locklear (8:41)

There was the Steven and the Steven. Okay, so bring back the story.

Adam Carolla (8:43)

So these are different days here in Hollywood, definitely. And by the way, Shatner, still going strong.

Heather Locklear (8:50)

I saw him twice so far, and I'm like, of course I can go up to him. Because I first go, should I go say hi? And I'm like, of course I should.

Gillian Barbary (8:57)

You did a show with him. Of course you should. And you saw him like, five.

Heather Locklear (8:59)

I went up to him and he goes, oh, you are so lovely, as usual. And I go, you're so sexy. As usual. He's 94. He's got it together. 94.

Adam Carolla (9:07)

Sharp as attack.

Heather Locklear (9:08)

Sharp as attack. And he goes, so tell me, like, my marriages and what happened and blah, blah, blah. And he goes, have you ever had a song written about you? And because he has.

Gillian Barbary (9:18)

Doesn't he sing?

Heather Locklear (9:19)

He does sing. And Brad Paisley's producing this thing, and he wrote a song for his wife and it's not out yet. And so I goes, have you ever had a song written about you? I go, I actually have had two. One Nikki Sixx wrote without you about Tommy, and I never knew that was about.

Gillian Barbary (9:37)

Wow.

Heather Locklear (9:38)

And then Richie wrote about me, and we were on our 10th anniversary.

Adam Carolla (9:43)

Richie Sambar?

Heather Locklear (9:44)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (9:44)

Yeah.

Heather Locklear (9:44)

We were on our 10. And Tommy Lee. And we were on our 10th anniversary, and he played it for me and it was called. What was it called? The Downside of Love. When love turns to hate, you just can't relate.

Gillian Barbary (9:57)

These are the lyrics. She's not even kidding.

Heather Locklear (9:58)

Yeah. When love turns to hate, you just can't relate. On the day.

Gillian Barbary (10:01)

Happy 10th. And I'm like, what the.

Heather Locklear (10:05)

And so I'm telling this to William Shatner, and he goes, I go, what the fuck?

Gillian Barbary (10:09)

What the fuck?

Heather Locklear (10:10)

And he goes, you said two fucks. And I go, I think I said more. And he threw these rings and I got him out into the ocean. And it's like. It was a big mess. It was a disaster.

Gillian Barbary (10:20)

He did. So they're gone. They're in the ocean somewhere.

Heather Locklear (10:23)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (10:24)

This is 10th anniversary celebration. Why would he bring up the song?

Heather Locklear (10:29)

Well. Cause he thought it was good.

Adam Carolla (10:32)

Wow.

Heather Locklear (10:32)

I got the hint. We got divorced a year later.

Gillian Barbary (10:35)

I got faith in.

Heather Locklear (10:36)

Or we filed or.

Gillian Barbary (10:37)

I filed. Yeah. There was no 11th anniversary with a.

Heather Locklear (10:40)

No, there was.

Gillian Barbary (10:41)

There was.

Heather Locklear (10:41)

I went to see him. He didn't know why I showed up.

Gillian Barbary (10:45)

Did you write another song?

Heather Locklear (10:46)

I judge said to consummate our 11th anniversary.

Gillian Barbary (10:50)

When love turns to hate. Happy 10th. Happy 10th.

Heather Locklear (10:55)

It's the best story.

Gillian Barbary (10:56)

Oh, my gosh.

Adam Carolla (10:56)

So Chilean gals now, NFL Sunday, Fox, I think it's America discovered you for sure. But Good Day la.

Gillian Barbary (11:07)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (11:08)

A perfect time, like sexy and fun and loud.

Gillian Barbary (11:12)

We'd be canceled today, right? We'd be so canceled today.

Adam Carolla (11:18)

Yeah, it was fun and it was a time.

Gillian Barbary (11:20)

It was a time.

Adam Carolla (11:21)

And I don't even know how that came about because Good Day LA started before NFL. That's five years before, right?

Gillian Barbary (11:29)

Yeah. Actually, it's a funny story because the head of the NFL on FOX at the time, David, called me at Good Day la. And I never called back. I just didn't know who he was. And then the second time he called, he's from Australia, he's like, hello, either you're extremely daft or you're playing with me. Either way, you'll come see me. So I went to see him and they said, we want you on the NFL on Fox Sunday. I go, oh, okay. Well, I'm going to have to ask a dla. And he's like, no, no, no, we don't ask. We're telling them we're taking you. And I was like, I was afraid of my bosses. I was always like doing shit on the air and then coming off the air going, oh, my God, I'm in trouble. And David Hill called up, he called up the general manager and it was a. I think it was a woman at the time. And she was real bitch. And he said, we're taking her on Sunday for the NFL. She goes, no, you're not. And he goes, oh, this isn't a question. I'm telling you, we're taking her. And to have that kind of power because he was Rudolph. Rudolph. He was Murdoch's guy in Australia. So he had so much pull that they could say nothing. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so good. This is how it feels. And we were treated, I have to say, so well. He loved the green room was this, we called it the avocado room. And you'd see like Nikki Sixx on a Sunday. You'd see Arnold Schwarzenegger coming in and everybody be smoking cigars and drinking at 9am and the atmosphere was just incredible because David Hill would talk to every cameraman if you cleaned out the garbage, David Hill knew your name. Like, he was just that guy. And he would say, let's rock and roll. And, you know, it was such an experience for me.

Adam Carolla (13:09)

Was Jimmy Bruska there during that period?

Gillian Barbary (13:12)

Well, you know what's funny? Not during my time was with Jimmy Kimmel, of course, and then it was Frank something, but I don't know, Brusca.

Adam Carolla (13:22)

Bruska, who ended up being my producer on a radio show. That's who I know. But Jimmy was there from 96 to something. Or 7. I'm trying to think of when that was before me. So Jimmy must have stopped doing segments right before you.

Gillian Barbary (13:42)

He must have, yes. Yes, he must have. But I did work with Jimmy Kimmel, and then I worked with Frank Caliendo.

Adam Carolla (13:49)

Oh, Frank did all the impersonations. Frank kind of took over for Jimmy and the comedy department.

Gillian Barbary (13:56)

Yeah, but it was, you know, Jimmy was loved on that show.

Adam Carolla (14:01)

Yeah. But he would tell me that, like, Howie Long would get pissed off and stuff like that.

Gillian Barbary (14:05)

But that's the fucking beauty of it. Like, even when Frank did it, that he would do these impersonations and sometimes they would come back and they'd always go to the weather afterwards. And I loved it. And, yes, they would get pissed. And I was like, I don't care. Like, I loved it when he took shots at me.

Adam Carolla (14:20)

I would kind of. So I would look at it through the lens of a Howie Mandel or even a Terry Bradshaw. So here's Howie Long. Oh, I'm sorry. Howie Mandel.

Gillian Barbary (14:31)

Because Howie Mandel will take a joke.

Adam Carolla (14:32)

Sorry. Yeah, he can take a joke. Howie Long, you know, the guys you have to be careful with in life, and I've run into a few of these guys is the guys who get from, like, 0 to 50 without anyone going, shut the fuck up and sit down. No one's talking to you. Like, whether they're executive or jock, those guys, when they hear that or someone fucks with them, they're like. They don't even know what to do with it. You know? Howie Long, I mean, that guy, 6 foot 5, chiseled star of every team he's ever been on, nobody has fucked with that guy since he was 14, probably. Literally since he grew his first pube. Everyone's like, yes, sir. No, sir. Right this way, sir. And so now he's 44 and somebody rolls in and is fucking with him, and they're like, what the fuck? And you're like, it's a comedy bag. And they're like, they don't know what to do with it.

Gillian Barbary (15:31)

It was the best because they would come back to the guys and they'd.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (15:34)

Be like, ha, ha, ha.

Gillian Barbary (15:35)

You know, laughter, fake laughter. And you could feel it. And, you know, the one thing that has completely changed Since I've been on tv, is I would go in, wear whatever Dolce Gabbara, and I would walk up to Terry and be like. And I would do a fashion show, and if I didn't get an exciting, I'd be like, what the fuck? So I did this skating show, and I lost a lot of weight, so I lost my boobs and my butt. And I came in one day, and Terry's like, where'd you go? And I was like, I know, I need to come back, right? Cause I had no boobs. And then. But these days, it'd be sexual fucking harassment or something. It was such a fun atmosphere, you.

Adam Carolla (16:08)

Know, It's a weird thing. Everybody sort of wants to get back to it, but we won't. But everyone goes. People spoke their mind, and they busted chops and they had a cocktail, and everyone had a good time.

Gillian Barbary (16:20)

Good time.

Adam Carolla (16:20)

And the women were fine with it.

Gillian Barbary (16:22)

Awesome.

Adam Carolla (16:22)

It was good.

Gillian Barbary (16:23)

You did the man show, which was hugely popular. And it kind of, you know, everyone wanted to be like the man show. It was him and Jimmy Kimmel. It was super popular. Super. It was just excellent. And one of Howard Stern's producers, Mark Cronin, came, and he's like, I want to do a thing called the X Show. It was fun for me to do it. I only did, like, news segments that were really snarky, but it just didn't have that edge that you guys had. You guys, you And Jimmy and Dr. Drew were always, I say, a step ahead of culturally, what was happening. And I believe that you. And I'm going to put Howard Stern up there, of course, set that precedent for edge. And I just remember thinking, fuck it. I'm going to have fun on tv, too. I want to bring radio to tv because radio seemed looser and funner. I'd listen to Howard Stern. I'd listen to you. I'd listen to Jimmy on the show, and I'd say, why are they having so much fun and are so boring? And I just thought, fuck it. I wanna bring a radio show, like a Howard Stern show to the morning news. And that's. I mean, yeah, that's all it was.

Adam Carolla (17:28)

It worked. And it was a time. And, you know, look, we can lament that it doesn't exist today, but I guess we should all be happy that we got to be a part of it in the first place, because I got kids, and they're not gonna live in that world.

Gillian Barbary (17:44)

Exactly. Oh, my gosh, my kids. Some of the things I say, they', Mom. I go, what? I don't know, I'm Gen X. I just say shit. And I get in trouble now for my kids. It's crazy. I'm like, what? You can't say that.

Adam Carolla (17:56)

I mean, you know, it's so. You know, I was kind of thinking about this when I was driving here today, because being a beautiful young woman is a form of celebrity in our culture. As much as we try to pretend it's not or tamp it down or whatever. But. And I'll give you this example. I have been at dinner with famous dudes, you know, Jimmy and others like him and our agents and whatever, and there's a table of six, seven, you know, heavy hitter guys. All of a sudden the waitress comes by and It's a hot 23 year old. And all of a sudden everyone turns to her and is like, oh, how are you doing? Are you okay? Do we need anything, sweetheart?

Gillian Barbary (18:38)

Can we get you anything? And I go, don't say sweetheart.

Adam Carolla (18:41)

She's a bigger celebrity at 23, going to the Conejo Junior College and making 19 bucks an hour here at the restaurant. She's a bigger celebrity than anyone at this table.

Gillian Barbary (18:53)

Right?

Adam Carolla (18:53)

And so that's the power of young, beautiful women.

Gillian Barbary (18:58)

Well, nowadays you've got only fans. So you've got girls that are 21, buying $3 million condos in Miami with cash, driving Ferraris. It's unbelievable.

Adam Carolla (19:06)

Where do you think you would have ended up with any of that?

Heather Locklear (19:09)

Never.

Gillian Barbary (19:09)

I said no to Playboy four times. It's just not my thing.

Adam Carolla (19:12)

Oh, really?

Gillian Barbary (19:12)

Four times, not my thing? That's when I had my own. You know, these are still mine. They took fat from my stomach, but before I had cancer. I do wish I would have done it now in retrospect, because, you know, I chop my tits off. I had cancer, which sucks. But. And they were lovely. I don't know if you ever saw them.

Heather Locklear (19:27)

Oh, yeah, I didn't see them personally.

Gillian Barbary (19:31)

Yeah.

Heather Locklear (19:31)

But I can see that.

Gillian Barbary (19:33)

I don't even have nipples anymore. So sometimes when I see yours, I get. I get nipple envy. I get nip envy.

Adam Carolla (19:38)

I was thinking, all right, so in another. So talk about we got all this to go. I was thinking about that. You know, you see old porn and then there's like, oh, these women did not in 1979, didn't sign up to be on the Internet. There is no Internet. They thought they're gonna be at the Pussycat movie theater.

Gillian Barbary (19:55)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (19:56)

And there wasn't one in their town of Brattleboro, Vermont. So there's no chance their dad or anyone they knew, would anyone see it. And now it's on their. Everyone's phone. So on one hand, I think, okay, they didn't sign up for this. It isn't fair, blah, blah, blah. But then I started getting philosophical, and it's like you at the height of your physical powers, like, looking as good as you've ever looked at age 21 and a half.

Gillian Barbary (20:20)

No, mine was in my 30s. Like 37 to 46.

Adam Carolla (20:23)

Whatever age the porn age is.

Gillian Barbary (20:25)

Yeah. Oh, okay.

Heather Locklear (20:26)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (20:26)

You looking as good as you possibly could look. Naked.

Gillian Barbary (20:29)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (20:30)

I don't know. In perpetuity on a phone. Is that a bad thing?

Gillian Barbary (20:34)

Yes. I think while Heather and I have talked about.

Heather Locklear (20:36)

I wouldn't be happy with that.

Gillian Barbary (20:37)

Here's what I think in those days, and I know this from knowing people like Jenna Jamison and just different porn stars from the Howard Stern show, Ironically, really lovely women, but they were owned by men. Whether it was Vivid Entertainment or the other one, that was huge at the time. And Jenna, I believe, was one of the first to say, fuck this. I'm gonna have my own company. But now I just. The one good thing about OnlyFans is that nobody's doing it but them. Okay?

Heather Locklear (21:04)

They have pimps. Remember? We heard about that.

Gillian Barbary (21:06)

Who the fuck is a pimp? It's on their phone.

Heather Locklear (21:07)

There's a man who owns and takes the pictures.

Gillian Barbary (21:10)

Oh, the only. No, they take their own pictures and do their own pictures.

Heather Locklear (21:13)

Didn't we talk about this?

Gillian Barbary (21:14)

We did, but I don't know who would control these girls. I mean, they're making fucking millions.

Adam Carolla (21:19)

Well, I will say this, although I can't explain it, but I will agree with Heather in that if there's a lot of commerce, a lot of money going around, and just one woman and a lot of money, at some point, some guy shows up and whets his beak. That's not a sexual thing. It's a financial thing.

Gillian Barbary (21:36)

Wets his pecker.

Heather Locklear (21:38)

I can make you more. And me even more.

Adam Carolla (21:40)

Yeah, wetting your pecker is sexual, but wetting your beaks.

Gillian Barbary (21:44)

Beaks are not even sexy.

Heather Locklear (21:46)

So unless they're ground.

Adam Carolla (21:48)

Sorry. So having. Having, you know, being a beautiful young woman is a celebrity.

Gillian Barbary (21:54)

Well, I'll be honest with you. Lauren Sanchez told me it's a power, and I never got that. I never understood. I always thought I was funny, and I. When Playboy offered me, I was like, what the fuck? I didn't even get it. And then the second year, so it was 36, 37, 38, and 39. The number kept going down, but I'm like, why would they. I honestly had no 37.

Adam Carolla (22:16)

Wait, sorry, your age?

Gillian Barbary (22:17)

Yeah. 36, 37, 38, 30.

Adam Carolla (22:19)

Those are the ages. They wanted me.

Gillian Barbary (22:21)

They just wanted me.

Adam Carolla (22:21)

Well, also, you're Canadian, right?

Gillian Barbary (22:23)

Yep.

Adam Carolla (22:24)

Yeah. See, it's different over there. Beautiful women don't. They don't really care.

Gillian Barbary (22:30)

They're a dime a dozen. But no, it's a different world.

Adam Carolla (22:33)

No, no, it's not their dime a dozen. I'm saying once in a while you'll meet some woman, she's really beautiful, but she doesn't care. And it's more about character and got a body, sense of humor or whatever. And I'll go, where are you from? They go, Canada. I'll go that side. Because if you're from Florida, you would be something different than this. We would know who you were.

Gillian Barbary (22:52)

Yeah, exactly.

Adam Carolla (22:53)

Smell your perfume before you got in the building.

Gillian Barbary (22:55)

100%. But, you know, I didn't. I am Canadian, but my. Both of my parents, birth parents, because I'm adopted, were born and raised in Europe. And so I guess I'm first generation Canadian, but I'm actually Lithuanian. And my last name. You don't even want to know. It's. And then I'm also Irish, so no.

Adam Carolla (23:14)

But it doesn't really matter what your heritage is. It's like you grow up in an environment that doesn't like Southern California, Florida. We put like a real emphasis on.

Gillian Barbary (23:23)

Oh, there was no emphasis on beauty or anything. Nobody had implants up there. Nobody gave a shit.

Adam Carolla (23:29)

That's what I'm.

Gillian Barbary (23:29)

I didn't wear makeup till I was maybe 20. I just didn't. Nobody cared.

Adam Carolla (23:33)

But what was the plan?

Gillian Barbary (23:35)

I didn't have one I wanted to do. I got a journalism degree. And then I said, fuck it up here. I. We used to have a college news station. And I said, I'll do it, but I never want to do the weather. Like, I hate weather. It's boring. So I would pay people like college students, like if in my class to. To not do the weather, to do entertainment or do the news. So two months out of college, I applied. It was the weather network in Canada. Somebody told me about it and I was like, okay. So I applied and I caught. It was like 600 people, which was insane. And none of us were meteorologists. They had to call us on camera ocms because we weren't really meteorologists. And so what I would do is I would go on TV and talk about Stallone coming up to Canada, shooting A movie. And, oh, it's gonna be snowy. And I would get in so much shit. And I also looked at Entertainment Tonight and dressed like Lisa Gibbons. So I'd have big fucking hair and makeup, the whole shebang, you know. And they were like, think of the potato farmers in Prince Edward Island. I go, I am. This is why I'm doing. But. And then I sent a tape to Miami and la and I got. And Chicago and I got an offer in Chicago and Miami and I went to Miami. Because I grew up in that weather in Chicago. So I just. Even though it was a bigger market than Miami, I didn't care. I just wanted to be in the sun and I wanted a rollerblade and it was just.

Adam Carolla (24:56)

Wait, so you ended up in which market?

Gillian Barbary (24:59)

Miami, which is number 13. But I did get offered Chicago, which is number three.

Adam Carolla (25:02)

Oh, oh. Because Chicago's bigger.

Gillian Barbary (25:04)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (25:05)

So, Heather, you first off, the marrying the rock star thing, Is that a thing anymore? It was a real like 80s thing. Like it was just kind of assumed, well, she's in his video, so they gotta get married, not you. I just mean. But they'd have the beautiful blonde and they'd go, now he's dating her.

Heather Locklear (25:26)

Look, I asked both of them to marry me.

Adam Carolla (25:29)

Both of them?

Heather Locklear (25:29)

Yeah. Idiot.

Gillian Barbary (25:31)

Did you really?

Adam Carolla (25:32)

Richie and Tommy?

Heather Locklear (25:33)

Yep.

Gillian Barbary (25:34)

Oh, my God.

Adam Carolla (25:35)

Tommy's like a. First off, he's 61 and he has a mentality of a nine year old.

Heather Locklear (25:40)

Now he is actually almost 63.

Gillian Barbary (25:43)

It's so funny you say that. Cause she also.

Adam Carolla (25:45)

He's like a nine year old. He's like a big kid and I like that about him. He's just.

Heather Locklear (25:49)

Yeah, but not to be married.

Adam Carolla (25:50)

No, no. It would get old real fucking fast.

Heather Locklear (25:53)

It got real old.

Gillian Barbary (25:53)

I was always exhausted, you know, tell them the story about like hammering on tables. And then I have.

Adam Carolla (26:01)

I found him to be like, sincere, very naive, and like a mouth of babes kind of guy. And had a kind of a weird innocence to it.

Heather Locklear (26:11)

Definitely. So bizarre.

Gillian Barbary (26:13)

Remember that video he got his thumb operated on and the doctor's like, show the thumb. And he's like, oh, okay. Remember we were dying. But tell Adam about the first time your family met Tommy. I don't know why I love this story.

Heather Locklear (26:24)

There was only a master bedroom upstairs. And we were upstairs. And he has like tons of jingle jangles here. The jewelry, all these bangles. And he wouldn't take them. Or maybe he would. I don't even remember. But. So there's one bedroom upstairs. My dad comes over and my Sister Colleen was living. We had like four people in the house. Living in the house. I'm in the master bedroom and my dad.

Gillian Barbary (26:45)

Your dad's a former Marine, by the way.

Heather Locklear (26:47)

No, you don't call him former. Once Marine, always Marines.

Gillian Barbary (26:49)

Sorry.

Adam Carolla (26:49)

That's right.

Heather Locklear (26:50)

He was a colonel in the Marines. So he comes and, you know, what.

Adam Carolla (26:55)

Year is this approximately?

Heather Locklear (26:56)

What do I marry him? 86. So it's probably 85. 1985. And so my dad comes in and, you know, my older sister, Wild Woman, and my sister right above me. Colleen was into. They're all into the musicians and stuff. Not me.

Gillian Barbary (27:10)

You were a good girl.

Heather Locklear (27:11)

Very much so.

Gillian Barbary (27:11)

Yeah, she was. Her parents told me you were a good girl.

Heather Locklear (27:14)

Yeah, yeah. So anyway. Yeah, whatever.

Gillian Barbary (27:16)

Yeah, whatever. So then she turned bad.

Heather Locklear (27:18)

So I come downstairs and I. Oh, hi. Hi, dad. And then Tom goes, boinka, boinka, boinka, Six, three. Skinniness. Skinnier than me. Boinka, boinka. Jingle, jangle, jingle, jangle. And my dad looks and turns around, he goes, who does that belong to?

Gillian Barbary (27:35)

All his daughters are there?

Heather Locklear (27:36)

No, only Colleen.

Gillian Barbary (27:37)

Oh, my God.

Heather Locklear (27:38)

And me. And I go, me. He's like, hey.

Adam Carolla (27:47)

Yeah.

Heather Locklear (27:47)

My dad, who's like the dean of students or, you know, at ucla. Yeah, all kinds of things there. Yeah, yeah.

Adam Carolla (27:55)

I mean, it's a sort of naive.

Heather Locklear (27:57)

I was going out with Mark Harmon right before that.

Adam Carolla (27:59)

Oh, wow. Quarterback, ucla.

Heather Locklear (28:04)

That's very different.

Adam Carolla (28:05)

That's the boy you want your daughter to marry? Yes, Mark Harmon.

Gillian Barbary (28:10)

I forgot about that.

Adam Carolla (28:11)

Especially if you're at the school. He's the quarterback for you.

Gillian Barbary (28:15)

You dropped that for Tommy. You dropped him for Tommy.

Adam Carolla (28:17)

Wow.

Heather Locklear (28:17)

I did.

Adam Carolla (28:18)

Man, that's. I feel like you should have got the bends with that. That is a big decompression.

Heather Locklear (28:25)

I know.

Adam Carolla (28:26)

From one to the other, you know.

Heather Locklear (28:27)

My brain wasn't formed.

Adam Carolla (28:28)

I mean, it. Also. So 22 year old Mark Harmon is like boy next door.

Heather Locklear (28:33)

He was 33.

Adam Carolla (28:34)

Oh, sorry, 33. Mark Harmon.

Heather Locklear (28:37)

I was probably 22.

Adam Carolla (28:39)

Oh, yeah, 85. I'm putting him back in UCLA in a football game with your dad. Your dad at the school and he's the star of the football team. And that's who. That. That is the guy you picture your daughter marrying.

Heather Locklear (28:55)

Exactly. And then when we got together, he. Yeah. And then what happened to Mark?

Adam Carolla (29:02)

Well, what happened to Mark? I feel like that's a guy.

Heather Locklear (29:05)

Oh, he's great.

Adam Carolla (29:06)

You'd still be married to Mark.

Heather Locklear (29:07)

Probably. Probably. He's a great guy.

Gillian Barbary (29:09)

Interesting.

Adam Carolla (29:12)

Was it your decision? Was it his decision?

Heather Locklear (29:14)

My Decision.

Adam Carolla (29:16)

And did you need some trouble in your life?

Heather Locklear (29:18)

Probably trouble.

Adam Carolla (29:20)

So he's in his early 30s. He's doing acting and summer school or whatever.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (29:28)

Movies.

Gillian Barbary (29:30)

Big in the 80s.

Adam Carolla (29:30)

I don't know. NCIS for 175 years. No. But now, yes. I mean, the series that never ends.

Gillian Barbary (29:37)

It never goes away.

Adam Carolla (29:38)

Never goes away. Seems very grounded and very kind of, you know, All American regular Guy.

Heather Locklear (29:45)

It's a weird thing. I was going out with Scott Baio before Mark, and we had tickets to REO Speedwagon. And so I don't know if I told Mark that or not, but I was going with my roommate sue and Scott, I think, and we had these tickets and I said, I'm going with Sue. I don't think I told him I was going with Scott.

Adam Carolla (30:07)

That was your ex boyfriend?

Heather Locklear (30:08)

Yes. And so we all showed up there. Fine. And then I went backstage and Tommy comes up and licks my face.

Adam Carolla (30:16)

He licked my face. Last time I saw him, he licked me.

Gillian Barbary (30:21)

Serious?

Adam Carolla (30:22)

Yes. I was gonna say so.

Heather Locklear (30:23)

I thought I was the only one.

Adam Carolla (30:24)

I was at a club.

Heather Locklear (30:24)

Yeah, I know, it's very odd. So he did that and he says, so nice to touch you. And I'm like, okay. So he somehow gets my phone number from my. His dentist knows my.

Adam Carolla (30:36)

Blah, blah, blah.

Heather Locklear (30:37)

And he gets my phone number and I go, okay, he can call. And Mark is in the bathroom. That's kind of an open air backstage. No, this is now in my bedroom.

Adam Carolla (30:48)

Oh, wait a minute. Okay, so no rock.

Heather Locklear (30:50)

Okay, so we're.

Adam Carolla (30:51)

Scott Baio was in this conversation.

Heather Locklear (30:52)

Oh, well, he was.

Gillian Barbary (30:53)

Not anymore. He was somewhere in the Daz boot after she met.

Heather Locklear (30:57)

Maybe he left, I'm not sure. So I go, I get licked by him. I'm like, interesting. Okay, so leave, go back.

Gillian Barbary (31:03)

Mark Harmon.

Heather Locklear (31:04)

And it's all like forgotten. And a week or two goes by and somehow someone goes, oh, he wants your number. And I go, give it to him. And so Mark's in my bathroom and showering his stuff. And then he goes, hey, Heather, you know, my dentist gave me your number and I am going to the record. You know, we had like recording things called you.

Adam Carolla (31:27)

Mark's in the show.

Heather Locklear (31:28)

And I am jumping on this thing going, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Gillian Barbary (31:31)

Although it was like the answering machine the loudest.

Heather Locklear (31:33)

Yes. Oh, my God.

Gillian Barbary (31:34)

Remember those days?

Adam Carolla (31:35)

Oh, shit.

Heather Locklear (31:35)

The worst.

Adam Carolla (31:36)

Oh, you want to talk about leaving a paper trail? That is leaving a trail, an audio trail. I mean, you know how many people must have got busted because I just had this story the first time I ever did standup. I heard a recording of somebody picked up the phone and go, how was he? And she was like, oh, don't get me started. I had to hear the whole.

Gillian Barbary (31:59)

Oh, no.

Adam Carolla (32:00)

It recorded the whole conversation.

Heather Locklear (32:02)

Oh, it's terrible.

Adam Carolla (32:03)

So hold on. Scott Baijo, then Mark Harmon. But listen.

Gillian Barbary (32:09)

Oh, Tom Cruise is in there, too.

Adam Carolla (32:11)

We got a Cruise in there. If you get. I'm writing it down. Okay. If you.

Heather Locklear (32:17)

I didn't.

Adam Carolla (32:17)

All right, but when you're with Mark Harmon and things are going great and you're madly in love and Tommy Lee comes a calling or comes a licking you, don't you go, I don't give my number. Right. I didn't give my number. But you did a. It was a tacit agreement. He could call you. So you were kind of on the way out with Mark.

Heather Locklear (32:40)

Probably. Yeah, obviously.

Adam Carolla (32:42)

But he wasn't on the way out with you?

Heather Locklear (32:45)

No.

Adam Carolla (32:45)

And do you think he wanted to get married and stuff?

Heather Locklear (32:47)

No, no, no. It was only nine months. We dated.

Adam Carolla (32:50)

Okay. But he was not done.

Heather Locklear (32:52)

Well, I don't know.

Adam Carolla (32:53)

Well, you met Tommy.

Heather Locklear (32:55)

Yeah, yeah. Yes.

Adam Carolla (32:56)

Right. Now, is there a cheating situation here?

Heather Locklear (33:00)

No, not a cheater. No. So I broke up with Mark because of Tommy. Yes.

Adam Carolla (33:05)

Yeah. Okay.

Heather Locklear (33:06)

Or because, you know, she's not my. Yeah, yeah.

Adam Carolla (33:09)

Too normal.

Heather Locklear (33:10)

Yeah, too normal.

Adam Carolla (33:10)

Too normal. What is the abnormal thing that a lot of women have and men will have it too, as well? And I didn't have that phase. I just like normal. I didn't want all the.

Heather Locklear (33:25)

I want normal now.

Adam Carolla (33:26)

Yeah, I know everyone wants normal now, now. But you don't get normal now. But back then, you don't want normal.

Heather Locklear (33:33)

Well, I don't think I was normal in my brain, first of all, not developed. And I think, you know, my brain is a lot different than how I look. So. And here's the thing.

Adam Carolla (33:45)

What does that mean?

Heather Locklear (33:46)

It just doesn't match how I look.

Gillian Barbary (33:49)

That's for sure.

Heather Locklear (33:50)

I'm a little nastier than I look.

Gillian Barbary (33:51)

Oh, my God.

Adam Carolla (33:52)

You look very well put together. And like everybody, everyone wishes that was their daughter, you know? Cause she's a good little girl and she would never. Whatever. And in your brain is more. There's a storm brewing in your brain.

Heather Locklear (34:07)

It's just. I'm fun.

Gillian Barbary (34:08)

She's a lot of fun. We're fun. We have so much fun together.

Heather Locklear (34:12)

So anyway, so he comes over and never goes home. And we're drinking shots of tequila. Tom, Tommy and I drink shots, but I'm having water in between everything. And he is wasted he goes up to my room, don't know why, and he never comes down. And I go upstairs and there he's flat on his face in like dolphin shorts with no underwear that you see the thing coming out. I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God.

Adam Carolla (34:36)

Is that the first time you saw the thing?

Heather Locklear (34:38)

Oh yeah. And I'm like, what the hell? And so he finally wakes up. I don't know where I go to sleep. And he wakes up at like 7, I wake up at 7 and he comes boom, boom, boom, boom down and he goes, oh, I gotta go home and get you and come back. And I'm like, fuck, this man's never ending. This is the fucking longest date I've ever had. And he comes back with an 8 by 10 that he signs to me.

Adam Carolla (35:00)

To you? He signed an 8 by 10 to you?

Heather Locklear (35:04)

Yeah. Oh, thank you. I've never heard of this band, but thank you.

Gillian Barbary (35:07)

And he played.

Adam Carolla (35:08)

Oh, you didn't know the band wasn't. Hadn't popped yet?

Heather Locklear (35:12)

No, no. Maybe it was Theater of Pain. I don't know which one it was with Home Sweet Home on it. I don't know, I don't know. And I go, oh my God. He finally leaves. I go, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted. I go to bed. And then he comes over like the next date. And he's wearing this ruffly thing and a velvet little jacket and skinny jeans where he can see his whole thing. And he goes upside down and puts the face on. You know when you go and puts a cigarette in his mouth. He talks, you know, like a 10 year old. And I'm like, fuck. He was very entertaining. Now I. We would fool around in bed, but he can't do any like you can't. I can't slip it in for like three months until I know I like three month rule.

Adam Carolla (35:49)

Three months.

Heather Locklear (35:50)

Yeah. And I go. He goes, I feel gay. And I go, well, are you? As he puts on my dress.

Gillian Barbary (35:57)

No.

Adam Carolla (36:00)

So they used to be open phone. And I'll tell you what their new name is now. It's Quo. One of the tools I've personally seen make a huge difference for business owners. And that's Quo again, formally Open Phone. Same great system I've talked about before, just a new name. Here's the deal. If you're running a business, every missed call is money out the window. You don't get it back, you don't even know it. It's gone, daddy, gone. I mean, I know it, but you don't know it. It's gone. So think about it. Plumbing emergency. First guy doesn't pick up the phone, what do you do? Wait around? No, you move on to the guy who actually answers the phone. And that's why you need quo. Formally openphone is the number one business phone system that makes life easier and keeps you connected to customers. Works right through an app phone, computer, no landlines, no second phone stuffed into your pocket. Whether you're solo and overwhelmed or running a big team that needs better coordination, this is a no brainer. Over 90,000 businesses already use quo that's Q U o Formally open phone. Right? Dawson?

Show Announcer (37:20)

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Adam Carolla (37:35)

Homes.com Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. I just leave it at that because that's what I would say. But it may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's at. Homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Or Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched. To highlight the personality of each neighborhood, homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. And who knows, that could be your next home. Homes.com that's homes.com we've done your homework.

Commercial Voice (38:34)

If you thought goldenly breaded McDonald's chicken.

Adam Carolla (38:37)

Couldn'T get more golden, think Golder.

Commercial Voice (38:40)

Because new sweet and smoky special edition.

Adam Carolla (38:43)

Gold sauce is here made for your chicken favorites and participate in McDonald's for a limited time. Three months is the rule?

Heather Locklear (38:51)

Pretty much, yeah.

Adam Carolla (38:53)

Mm. That's an interesting.

Heather Locklear (38:55)

Yeah. Even with Richie Sambora. It's just I wanna get to know you and I want you to know me. And it's not gonna be I'm not easy. But after three months, I'm super easy. I've gone for three months.

Adam Carolla (39:07)

I'll put it to both of you since we're talking about big hogs here. Is that a good thing? Is it a personal thing? Is it a bad thing? Can you work with it? Is it too big a commitment?

Heather Locklear (39:19)

Apparently for me it was eight years and that's. That was plenty.

Gillian Barbary (39:22)

It's a lot.

Adam Carolla (39:23)

No, but I guess what I'm Saying is, like, if a guy like Tommy's known for that, there's movies that are two hours long, you know, and three hours long. And then, like, sometimes your partner goes, you want to watch Children of Whatever Moon? And you go, that's three hours and 11.

Gillian Barbary (39:41)

I know, I know.

Adam Carolla (39:41)

And then you go, let's just watch an episode of Home Improvement and we'll go to bed. You know what I mean? Because I just don't. I don't want to come in. I feel like a big dick is like a kind of a commitment. You know what I mean? Like, you wanna have sex tonight.

Heather Locklear (39:54)

Well, when you're 23 and 24, it's not that big of a commitment at this age. I go, put it away.

Gillian Barbary (39:59)

Yeah, yeah.

Heather Locklear (40:01)

Or you have 10 minutes, right?

Adam Carolla (40:05)

Mm. Mm.

Gillian Barbary (40:07)

I haven't had sex in 10 years, so I don't know.

Adam Carolla (40:09)

10 years?

Gillian Barbary (40:09)

Yep.

Adam Carolla (40:10)

A full decade.

Gillian Barbary (40:11)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (40:11)

But back when you.

Gillian Barbary (40:13)

Oh, I was so much fun when.

Adam Carolla (40:15)

You were having sex. What size dick are we looking for?

Gillian Barbary (40:18)

Oh, my goodness.

Heather Locklear (40:18)

Any size. It's dark. Did I say that out loud?

Adam Carolla (40:22)

You know, there's not an optimal.

Gillian Barbary (40:25)

No, I never had optimal. I can't even to this day. Like, Tommy's known for that, right?

Heather Locklear (40:32)

I don't know.

Adam Carolla (40:33)

Well, he is. I mean, he was post.

Gillian Barbary (40:35)

He post. Yeah, but he posted himself nude when he was, like, 60. And I was. It was a big one, but I don't look for that.

Adam Carolla (40:43)

Well, I guess. Well, I'll put it to you this way. I'll put it in these terms. Yeah. Guys with boobs. There's guys that are like, I'm not a boob guy. I don't really care more than a handful's away. And then the guys are like a big set of jokes, you know what I mean? There's preferences.

Gillian Barbary (40:57)

Preferences.

Adam Carolla (40:58)

And it's not. They'll be with any woman, but they still have a preference.

Gillian Barbary (41:01)

They want big jugs or it's not.

Adam Carolla (41:03)

Or they don't care.

Gillian Barbary (41:06)

Maybe they want a freak show like me with no nipples. You never know what your proclivity is.

Heather Locklear (41:11)

All God like nipples.

Adam Carolla (41:12)

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

Gillian Barbary (41:14)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (41:14)

No, not all guys like big tits. There's plenty of guys I've met who are like, no, no, it's not my thing.

Gillian Barbary (41:19)

I don't like it.

Adam Carolla (41:21)

I'm saying the same question for dicks.

Gillian Barbary (41:23)

Yeah, I don't care.

Adam Carolla (41:24)

Just nothing. Doesn't matter.

Gillian Barbary (41:25)

Doesn't matter to me if I'm into you I'm so into you if the.

Heather Locklear (41:28)

Heart'S In, I think, for me, then. That's why I say three months.

Gillian Barbary (41:32)

Yeah. I've gotta have a heart. Exactly. And I never worry about. I've never really thought about that in any of the men that I've been with, so.

Adam Carolla (41:43)

Ever been with a micro penis?

Heather Locklear (41:45)

I have.

Gillian Barbary (41:45)

Yes, you have. I did. I have two Scott bans in Canada.

Heather Locklear (41:49)

No, no, no.

Adam Carolla (41:50)

I'm just asking.

Heather Locklear (41:51)

No one famous.

Gillian Barbary (41:52)

No one famous. Mine was in Canada. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (41:55)

Why do you now, when you got the micro penis? You've done two micros. One a one. You've done two.

Heather Locklear (42:00)

One.

Adam Carolla (42:01)

Oh, I thought so. It was just two in the wrong name, too. It's two. Okay. The micro.

Heather Locklear (42:07)

The only one in the world.

Adam Carolla (42:08)

Protocol. Protocol for the micro penis. I'm putting myself in the shoes of the man with the micro.

Gillian Barbary (42:16)

Very small shoes, size three, size four loafers.

Adam Carolla (42:19)

I'm going out.

Heather Locklear (42:20)

By the way, I was a child.

Adam Carolla (42:21)

You're beautiful.

Heather Locklear (42:22)

Teasing. Never.

Adam Carolla (42:23)

Gross.

Gillian Barbary (42:24)

I don't even want to say what mine was because it'll. It's such a stereo type that everyone.

Adam Carolla (42:29)

Will be like, oh, Asian. Everyone will be. I did it. Okay, okay, okay. Let me ask this, and here's what I'm asking. I'm not gonna. No jokes. Jokes aside or no joke. As a guy with a micropenis, and you two. This is years ago, right? You're young, you're beautiful, and people know who you are and that kind of stuff. And I've been thinking, like, oh, my God, I'm out on a date with Jillian or Heather. Like, oh, my God. But at some point we're gonna get in Tibet and they're gonna find out about my micropenis. Do I announce it? I don't mean with a bullhorn, but.

Heather Locklear (43:09)

I mean, like, you might not be satisfied with me.

Adam Carolla (43:11)

When we're getting in bed, do I go, like, there's something you should know?

Heather Locklear (43:17)

No, I don't think so. Then I'll feel like I have to make you feel gigantic.

Gillian Barbary (43:23)

Extra better. Yeah.

Heather Locklear (43:24)

No, it's just something.

Adam Carolla (43:25)

So neither guy. Neither guy brings it up.

Heather Locklear (43:27)

Micro penises, I have to say.

Adam Carolla (43:29)

What, you prefer them?

Heather Locklear (43:30)

I would have to say that to you.

Gillian Barbary (43:33)

See what I mean? See how good she is? I love that you're micro.

Adam Carolla (43:35)

So there's a big one. There's a discovery that the person has a micro penis. You will find out.

Gillian Barbary (43:43)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (43:44)

Now, I'm saying, by the way, between micro and Tommy Lee, I'd say you've about covered it all, my lady.

Heather Locklear (43:50)

I have my lady.

Adam Carolla (43:54)

We all fall somewhere in between Tommy Lee. And micro pants. So no conversations, no anything. You just go about your business.

Gillian Barbary (44:02)

Yeah. I don't remember having any conversations with my girlfriends about that size of a man. It's just not. Yeah, it's so funny. I've never, ever. I've always just been satisfied or I've.

Adam Carolla (44:12)

Satisfied at a certain point with the micro penis. Doesn't become sort of physically impossible to have.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (44:19)

Adam, do you.

Gillian Barbary (44:20)

You don't have a micro. Like, I just want to say this. You and the Howard Stern. He says he has a micro. I don't believe it. I don't believe that you do either.

Adam Carolla (44:26)

No. I have what I've lovingly referred to as a good gym dick.

Heather Locklear (44:31)

That's nice.

Adam Carolla (44:32)

It's not a huge dick. It looks good around the gym.

Gillian Barbary (44:36)

Oh, that's nice.

Adam Carolla (44:36)

You know what I mean?

Gillian Barbary (44:37)

For the other guys working, that's very arousing. That is kind of arousing.

Adam Carolla (44:40)

It's got a good homoerotic hang to it, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's a good gym dick. It doesn't become anything special. It's. But it looks like it has potential.

Gillian Barbary (44:51)

It's like a blue collar working man. It's there and it's a production worker. Yeah. Like, it's a nice. I don't need a rock star. Massive Tommy Lee. I would prefer a fucking guy who's working every day, who's blue collar, who has a nice show.

Adam Carolla (45:05)

Five and a half pack, maybe six. Six pack. All right. I was just making a joke. Yeah. No, my dick is like a high school athlete with a lot of natural potential who never lives up to it. You know what I mean? And the. Because he's got all the tools. If he just study a little bit.

Gillian Barbary (45:24)

Damn it.

Adam Carolla (45:25)

Sideline that he won't learn the playbook. Yes. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't like when guys try to pretend like they have a big dick or a small dick.

Gillian Barbary (45:35)

You have an average dick at your age, at our age. How important is sex to you now?

Adam Carolla (45:43)

I would say as I get older, it probably whatever the metronome of sex is, you know, and maybe it's at 19, it's going tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, you know, and then micro, tick, tick, tick. Every. You know, every five years, you add on to that. It slows down just a little bit. You know, I'm at a nice waltz pace right now.

Gillian Barbary (46:12)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (46:13)

But I'm not punk rock.

Gillian Barbary (46:14)

You're not. Okay, okay. You're not doing the merengue or the samba. You're just at the waltz stage.

Adam Carolla (46:19)

Yeah. Marka, nice.

Gillian Barbary (46:20)

But you still want it? Like, I don't want it. I have no desire whatsoever for it.

Adam Carolla (46:24)

No desire in 10 years.

Gillian Barbary (46:25)

I don't know what happened. I just. I stopped.

Adam Carolla (46:31)

What were you desire wise at the height of your powers? Cause also people, like, I know people are big eaters and then there's like, other people just don't really, like, eat. They don't eat that much. They don't really like it. Like, it's weird.

Gillian Barbary (46:44)

Her and I love food. Okay.

Adam Carolla (46:46)

I do too. A someone who really loves it. It's. It's counterintuitive when someone goes, I'm just. I'm okay. I don't really need anything.

Gillian Barbary (46:52)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (46:52)

And you're like, what the is wrong with you?

Heather Locklear (46:54)

I guess I'll eat alone.

Gillian Barbary (46:55)

Or if they leave half a bottle, half a glass of wine, I'm like, just leaving that. Like, we're paying the tab.

Adam Carolla (47:00)

Oh, the idea. What's going on? I was married to a woman who was like. I'd go, that's an 11 smoothie. It's just sitting. She goes, I just wanted a sip. I go, just finish it, finish it. I'm the guy, put my finger in it.

Gillian Barbary (47:14)

Me too. So he.

Adam Carolla (47:15)

We love our food, but there are people whose libido is kind of like, not. Not that fired up. Were you fired up in your prime? No.

Gillian Barbary (47:24)

You know what's. Oh, gosh. Like, my prime, I would say, was 47. I had the divorce diet, so I was super tiny and I just felt really good. Had a lot of energy. And then, good day. LA gives me Daz boot. Well, they were like, oh, you can work two or three days a week. And I was like, fuck you. So I left. My pride made me leave. And then, you know, looking back, I. I don't have that pride anymore. I would have said, okay, I will take it. It was good money. However, I felt really good. That was 47. I got cancer. So for four or five years I dated and then I got cancer and, you know, booby cancer, tick cancer in my lymph nodes. And then it all just went to hell. I lost my house, I got cancer. I owed the irs. I was like, I don't give a anymore. I ate like a monster, like Howie Long, you know, I ate, ate, ate, and I drank, drank, drank. And so you're getting chemo and it's counterintuitive to do the drinking, but I would just whatever. And I was working in radio at the time. Thank God, because I fucking look like Uncle Fester. But I think that was when it started. And I've never gotten back weight wise to that. So maybe if I get back to my goal weight, which will be about £30 from now, I'll want sex again. But I'm gonna have to get a guy who wants no nips. Like, I don't even have tattoos. Nothing. I'm too fucking lazy.

Heather Locklear (48:38)

You can just take black marker or a brown marker.

Gillian Barbary (48:41)

Everyone's like, why don't you get your. It's free. And I said, cause I don't give a fuck. It's me looking in. I don't give a fuck.

Adam Carolla (48:46)

So I think for women, a lot of it is how they feel about themselves. And guys are just horny or they're not horny, but it's not like, well, if I looked better in my underpants, I'd be more into sex. That's true. I don't really care.

Gillian Barbary (48:57)

Yeah, I believe that too.

Heather Locklear (48:58)

But I also believe, like, I would like to make my man happy. And if X, Y, and Z makes him happy, then yeah.

Adam Carolla (49:05)

Well, do we have a man now, Heather?

Heather Locklear (49:08)

No, I have a. A really nice friend that I like.

Gillian Barbary (49:10)

Yeah.

Heather Locklear (49:11)

Haven't had sex?

Gillian Barbary (49:12)

Nope. Why am I saying why am I jogging?

Adam Carolla (49:13)

Wait, a nice friend. Wait, a nice friend could be a guy you hang out with or vibrator or dog.

Gillian Barbary (49:22)

God, don't stare on her dog.

Heather Locklear (49:25)

Stop licking my leg and humping it.

Gillian Barbary (49:26)

While I'm on the dog. Yeah, he does hump everything.

Adam Carolla (49:27)

The nice friend is. What's that? Man.

Heather Locklear (49:30)

He's a man.

Adam Carolla (49:31)

Oh, man. But there's sex or there's no. No, you just hang out.

Heather Locklear (49:36)

No, he lives in Texas, so I don't see him that often.

Adam Carolla (49:38)

That's perfect.

Heather Locklear (49:40)

I don't see him that often.

Adam Carolla (49:41)

It's like a friends with benefits.

Heather Locklear (49:43)

Not benefits yet because I don't see him that often. 3 months.

Adam Carolla (49:49)

Lo. Let me ask you. So I can't do the three month thing with you where I go, I'll see you on Monday. We'll start the calendar, and then I'm going to Montreal to shoot a movie for three months in one day. Then I'm gonna come back and Batman. Thank you.

Heather Locklear (50:03)

No, that's not.

Adam Carolla (50:03)

That's not gonna work.

Heather Locklear (50:04)

No, that's not gonna work.

Gillian Barbary (50:05)

Start it now.

Adam Carolla (50:06)

Well, technically, I think I could have sex with you if we worked it that way with the three month rule.

Gillian Barbary (50:11)

Well, we would talk about it.

Heather Locklear (50:12)

I need to get to know.

Gillian Barbary (50:14)

Yeah.

Heather Locklear (50:14)

Oh, we need to hang out a little bit.

Adam Carolla (50:16)

We need to hang out. Okay. I Didn't know. I thought I was just gonna check in and then punch out.

Heather Locklear (50:21)

I would actually. I would probably do it before him. He's really a gentleman, so.

Adam Carolla (50:25)

Oh, really? All right.

Heather Locklear (50:26)

So that's a gentleman.

Adam Carolla (50:27)

So you're. You're kind of now hoping that leads to more.

Heather Locklear (50:31)

We'll see.

Adam Carolla (50:32)

And is he age appropriate?

Heather Locklear (50:35)

No.

Adam Carolla (50:36)

Younger?

Heather Locklear (50:37)

Yeah. He's 45.

Adam Carolla (50:40)

I know. Remember that? Used to be old. Now it's not. Now it's not anymore.

Heather Locklear (50:45)

Mark Harmon at 33 was too old.

Adam Carolla (50:48)

Crazy, right? And by the way, when mark harmon was 33, probably looked like he was 19. Right?

Gillian Barbary (50:53)

He was an Adonis. Gore.

Heather Locklear (50:54)

Gorgeous.

Gillian Barbary (50:54)

Yeah, gorgeous.

Adam Carolla (50:55)

So. And, Jillian, we just said stores closed and not reopening anytime soon.

Gillian Barbary (51:03)

No, no, it's not. And also, I got carved up like a turkey because they botched me the first time. Doesn't matter. And then they took out. They had implants. I said, I don't want foreign shit in my body. And it hardened and it moved up to under my collarbone.

Heather Locklear (51:17)

So I go, why is your boob.

Gillian Barbary (51:19)

She's like, what the fuck's going on?

Heather Locklear (51:20)

Is that a boob?

Gillian Barbary (51:21)

My titty was up here, and I'm like, ow. And it was, like, hard as a rock. One day I woke up and. And it felt like there was. Somebody was pulling it. I go, what the. And I literally went from a regular tit to, like, hard as rock. So anyway, I got them redone, and this thing called the deep flat. They cut you hip to hip, hip to hip. And then they carve, like, a C into you, and they. You've seen it. I'm all carved up. So you'd have to be like, a guy that's into gobble, gobble. You know how some guys are into, like, tattoos? You'd have to be into, like. Like, mutilation. And. No. No nipples. Like, just kind of. And maybe when I get skinny, it'll be interesting. I don't know. I. Honestly, Adam, I don't know.

Adam Carolla (51:57)

Well, is there some form of relief?

Gillian Barbary (52:00)

No. I haven't masturbated in years. And I used to be the queen of porn. I. When I got pregnant with Ruby, Jenna Jameson sent me a big box. One side was porn, and the other side had baby blankets. That was me. I was just like, that. I. I made out with Jenna. I made out. I was just, like. I was sexual, you know, Dispirited. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't look at it as a. I didn't look at it in any way of this. That. The next thing I was just extremely sexual person and. But yeah, so.

Adam Carolla (52:30)

But you think that's connected to the molestation where you just get sort of hyper sexual?

Gillian Barbary (52:36)

Yes, I talked to Dr. Drew about it. That's so interesting you say that. Yes, he actually was the one who said that. Because a lot of kids who get molested, they go one way or the other. They're either hypersexual or they get fat so that nobody wants them. Right. Like Oprah did that. But I never went that route. I was like, fuck that. I want to be a skinny bitch and I do.

Adam Carolla (52:55)

The hypersexual.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (52:56)

Yeah.

Gillian Barbary (52:56)

But you know, I. It's not like I was out there. But yeah, I mean, I think I was 13 when I lost my virginity, like willingly so. To a 17 year old boyfriend.

Adam Carolla (53:06)

Wow.

Gillian Barbary (53:06)

I know. Isn't that fucked up? I would punch my daughter if she lost her virginity at 13, but I didn't respect that.

Heather Locklear (53:14)

Yeah. What if it was 15?

Gillian Barbary (53:15)

That's young. Oh, I think.

Adam Carolla (53:17)

Oh, oh, sorry. Heather's.

Gillian Barbary (53:19)

That's young.

Adam Carolla (53:20)

I'm gonna take a guess and go 15 for Heather.

Heather Locklear (53:23)

I didn't even have my period yet.

Gillian Barbary (53:24)

Are you effing kidding?

Heather Locklear (53:25)

I did not until 16.

Gillian Barbary (53:27)

I got mine at almost 17. I was a late developer. Same with the titties. Isn't that weird?

Adam Carolla (53:32)

So wait a minute, Heather, you had a high school sweetheart that you. You've reconnected with later on in life, but that's done.

Heather Locklear (53:41)

Never again.

Adam Carolla (53:41)

But that's gets it. Don't worry.

Heather Locklear (53:44)

Like, why, if you leave the first time, would you go back?

Adam Carolla (53:47)

Oh, my sister married a guy she dated when she was like 14 or 15. I know. Much later after kids and all that. Yeah. Her story's nice. It's kind of interesting. There's a version of it that works.

Gillian Barbary (54:02)

Yeah, I would love that. I would love to find Charlie McCormick or Bill Bell. I've already tried to stalk and I don't know where he is. He's a teacher somewhere in Canada. Which, like, it's a nice, normal fucking guide like that. But. Yeah, that's amazing.

Adam Carolla (54:16)

All right, so Heather's got a guy's in Texas. They're on the slowboat. And Jillian is on the no boat.

Gillian Barbary (54:25)

Noboat.

Adam Carolla (54:27)

And a noboat.

Heather Locklear (54:27)

Let me throw out a life.

Gillian Barbary (54:29)

Thank you. A life jacket. A ring. I'm in a sub ring at the very bottom.

Adam Carolla (54:33)

No, you want Jillian, you went right to masturbation. When I was talking about pressure.

Gillian Barbary (54:38)

Oh.

Adam Carolla (54:38)

But my angle was talking about release. I'm sorry. Well, we can explore that. Yeah, I said release. Well, my thing.

Commercial Voice (54:47)

Relief.

Gillian Barbary (54:48)

Oh, relief.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (54:49)

Oh, God.

Adam Carolla (54:51)

No. There's a certain kind of thing when you get a little bit older and you just go, I can't even pretend that I can do this anymore or something. And it's like a little bit.

Gillian Barbary (55:03)

It's like a job.

Adam Carolla (55:04)

It's a relief or something where you go, I just can sit back. Like, I don't have to. Like, for guys, Guys will be like. For guys will be like, let's say, let's say a guy's 47 years old, you know, and he played some ball in high school or something. Some guy, some 19 year old guy in the subway and he'll think, I could handle this guy. Like, I think I could still handle. I could take this guy, you know? But at some point you turn 60 and you go, fuck it. I'm sitting down. I'm not saying shit.

Gillian Barbary (55:31)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (55:32)

And it's like, it's a little bit of a relief. Cause you just can't physically, you're not up to it at all.

Gillian Barbary (55:37)

I just don't care. I'll be. Our birthdays are one day apart, so she's 25th on the 26th. And I thought you were gonna say.

Heather Locklear (55:45)

I'm 25 and you're 26.

Gillian Barbary (55:47)

And that's when our show comes out. Very excited about that. But I think I'll be 59.

Heather Locklear (55:51)

I'll be 64.

Gillian Barbary (55:52)

Yeah. And we don't give a fuck about, like, we never talk about age or.

Adam Carolla (55:55)

Anything, but is there. So what I'm saying is when you're young and you're beautiful and you just. Who cares? You're young and you're beautiful, you do whatever you want. And then at some point, point you turn 45, you're like, I gotta hang on to this thing, I gotta fix it or I gotta do something or I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta grab a. You never had any. A lot of women do that. And then at some point you go, it, I never.

Gillian Barbary (56:17)

Even when I had a cancer and they said to me, oh, you could do the cold cap. I go, what's that? And they go, well, it's where you'll keep your hair because you're gonna lose all your hair after one chemo. I go, fuck yeah, bring it on. What is it? Well, you'll sit for four hours. We have to freeze your follicles to make the chemo think that it's dead. And I go, then I do chemo for four hours. They said, yeah. I go, fuck that. I said, I don't give A fuck if I'm bald. I don't. I have no vanity. Take my tits, save my life, make me bald. Don't care. And I've had friends that are the opposite. They go in to chemo with makeup on and the blue cap. That ain't me. I have no. It's funny because I did Armie Hammer's podcast and Heather comes on.

Heather Locklear (56:54)

No, I don't. Come on. I drove you.

Gillian Barbary (56:56)

Okay.

Heather Locklear (56:57)

She drove you. And you go, finish drying your hair. And I go, no.

Adam Carolla (56:59)

Just. What happens?

Gillian Barbary (57:00)

She gets ready in 5, 10 minutes. Shit you not. Then she's driving like a maniac, barefoot. And we get down there, literally from Thousand Oaks to Venice in fucking half an hour. And I don't remember the point of that.

Adam Carolla (57:14)

Something about the aesthetic.

Heather Locklear (57:16)

You put me on air when I was supposed to just be driving.

Gillian Barbary (57:19)

Well, we just don't care. Her. And I don't care about. I have no vanity and I don't care.

Adam Carolla (57:24)

Is everyone sober now?

Heather Locklear (57:27)

Yes.

Gillian Barbary (57:28)

Ish.

Adam Carolla (57:28)

Ish.

Gillian Barbary (57:29)

California sober. Like, I'll have drinks if I'm out with the girls. Like, it's my birthday and Friday, and I'll have. For sure I'll have drinks.

Adam Carolla (57:36)

Right?

Gillian Barbary (57:36)

But my. My. My real test has been. My daughter went off to college, and so now I'm alone. And because my son lives up with my ex and his wife and kid, and I'm. That's. That's the challenge for me. Like, I do. I want to drink. I have to really save that off because drinking puts on a shitload of weight. So I do. I guess I do have vanity inside. Cause I don't wanna be fat with the wine anyway.

Heather Locklear (58:01)

But when my daughter left, I was like, everyone's got a partner. Everyone's married. I'm alone. I think I'll start drinking in the morning now. I'm better at tennis, I'm better at golf. And then I'm in bed at 5.

Adam Carolla (58:13)

Yeah, well, listen. There's certain people who can drink and certain people that just go somewhere to a different place.

Gillian Barbary (58:22)

Oh, my God. I was at Jimmy Kimmel's. I was telling Heather the story. Every time I go to Kimmel's, I. I do something, I fall in love.

Adam Carolla (58:29)

I was there when you blacked out.

Gillian Barbary (58:30)

Blacked out and puked. I was beside your ex wife. Lynette was sitting on the other side and. And apparently I. Yeah, I blacked out. Puked.

Heather Locklear (58:38)

But you also fell in the Jacuzzi.

Gillian Barbary (58:39)

That was. That was a different year. Oh, one of them was in front of George.

Heather Locklear (58:42)

Put that on the way, right?

Gillian Barbary (58:43)

If you're going to make a splash, make a splash.

Adam Carolla (58:45)

Yeah.

Gillian Barbary (58:46)

But I remember saying to Lisa G. Who did the news on Howard, I told everybody that I took up Anna Proxone and whatever for my period.

Adam Carolla (58:53)

And.

Gillian Barbary (58:54)

And really it was a Vicodin, but I had told her that. So she calls in the Howard Sternshaw. She's like, she's lying. It was a Vicodin. I go, what? I must have told her, but I blacked out. So I'm like, fuck. Busted. What are you gonna do? Can't lie.

Adam Carolla (59:08)

Well, you can.

Gillian Barbary (59:09)

Well, you can.

Heather Locklear (59:10)

But no, she's a liar.

Gillian Barbary (59:11)

What's the point? I'm honest. I can't lie. It was a Vicodin.

Adam Carolla (59:15)

Yeah. And some people, like, I like to drink, but I never. I don't get violent. I don't put my hands on people or whatever it is. But I've known people that go to a different.

Gillian Barbary (59:25)

You're like a normie. Like, you can have it or not have it, right? Alcohol, it's like, right? Is it something.

Adam Carolla (59:31)

Yeah, no, I like it and I like to drink. But I also have a thing, I guess. I mean, you guys can tell me. I was thinking about it on the way here and maybe it Sounds bad to Dr. Drew, I don't know. But, like, there's stuff I like, you know, Like, I like drinking.

Gillian Barbary (59:48)

You look forward to having a cocktail.

Adam Carolla (59:49)

I do. But I always said if I started drinking at 8am Then I would have to quit. And I don't wanna quit, so I have to.

Gillian Barbary (59:58)

Ah. So actually, that's a really healthy attitude, I think.

Adam Carolla (60:01)

Well, I don't.

Gillian Barbary (60:01)

I have to wait. Do you, like, wait till the clock ticks? 5 o'? Clock. Fuck it.

Adam Carolla (60:05)

Well, I mean, I guess for anything, you go, look, I would like a slice of pie, but I'm not gonna have it for breakfast. But maybe I would have it for dessert. Right. But I would look forward to putting it at the end of the day, kind of. Kind of thing. And have a little carrot on the stick on the string, you know, where I. No, I'm gonna be a good boy. And then tonight I can have my little treat.

Heather Locklear (60:32)

Not me.

Gillian Barbary (60:32)

Not me. I'm indulging.

Heather Locklear (60:33)

I'm a morning.

Gillian Barbary (60:34)

I'm a indulgent.

Adam Carolla (60:35)

Right? We're gonna go. But it's like. It's the same. Like if you watched porn, you know? Okay, I would look at it tonight after I'm done with work. You know what I mean?

Gillian Barbary (60:44)

And isn't that funny? Because for me.

Adam Carolla (60:46)

But if you Watch it all day. Then you would have an issue, I guess, an addiction.

Gillian Barbary (60:50)

You're not going to work. Dr. Drew would say an addiction. But for me, it was weird when I was in my porn phase that I would watch it. I would just be reading a book or watching a movie, and then I'd go, boing. Oh, I'm gonna watch porn. Like, it wasn't. It was weird.

Adam Carolla (61:03)

Not premeditated porn. Spontaneous porn. Manslaughter. Not murder one. Manslaughter. Yeah. You'd think it'd pop in your head, and then you, boom, you got your.

Gillian Barbary (61:16)

Phone and you're like, yeah, right?

Adam Carolla (61:18)

But then impulse, you know what I mean? Cause drinking, porn, whatever, all the vices, all the stuff, you go, oh, I thought of it. And then you go, oh, I gotta do it.

Gillian Barbary (61:27)

Yeah, right? Even with food. Like, if I go out to a restaurant, I want to indulge. Tomorrow we're going out to this wonderful place that we both love. But I know what I can get, and it's actually not.

Heather Locklear (61:37)

And we've talked about it on the way here.

Gillian Barbary (61:38)

Yeah, we're like. We're obsessed with this fucking dish. And it's healthy, and I'm okay with it, but.

Heather Locklear (61:44)

But I'm like, I'll have the bread.

Gillian Barbary (61:45)

Yeah, but we don't drink around Heather. And that's never been a problem for me. But, yeah, I don't think like that. Like, oh, I'm gonna wait until I'm gonna. You know, I just indulge. I'm like, fuck it.

Adam Carolla (62:01)

So, Heather, a lot of people that get sober, if they're. Especially when they're younger, they start replacing it with, like, extreme sports or other activities that are.

Gillian Barbary (62:13)

You see her on a skateboard up.

Heather Locklear (62:15)

Yeah. No, I don't skateboard.

Adam Carolla (62:17)

No, they get, like. They'll get a ton of tattoos or something like that. They do skydiving, you know, I mean, that's when you get sober. 24, and you get sober, and then you get into, like, free climbing or something else. Crazy, scary, whatever, you know, I wasn't young. You never replaced anything with anything.

Heather Locklear (62:34)

Maybe with sleep.

Adam Carolla (62:36)

Sleep.

Gillian Barbary (62:36)

We both love our bed.

Heather Locklear (62:38)

My mom. My daughter goes, mom, I don't want to sleep my life away. And I go, oh, okay. Night, night.

Adam Carolla (62:42)

I'll do it for you. Yeah. I used to have this saying. Cause I used to love Nan, and I. And I. My saying was, they say, you can sleep when you're dead, but I'm not taking any chances. Onto your pillow.

Gillian Barbary (62:58)

I love that.

Adam Carolla (62:59)

Throw that right on your bed.

Gillian Barbary (63:01)

We love Our bed We love our true crime we love our.

Heather Locklear (63:03)

Just love it, love it, love it.

Gillian Barbary (63:05)

Love it, love it.

Heather Locklear (63:06)

Oh, you're gonna watch football. I'll be in my room.

Adam Carolla (63:08)

Yes, we're at the stage where nothing left to prove no, now it's time.

Gillian Barbary (63:14)

I never really felt I should really have fun yeah.

Adam Carolla (63:17)

Yeah.

Gillian Barbary (63:17)

And be grateful yes, we're grateful.

Adam Carolla (63:19)

And also, I mean, I guess, Heather, my version or picture of you in my head was that you had something to protect. Like you had an image.

Heather Locklear (63:28)

My daughter.

Adam Carolla (63:29)

It was an image, and you needed to come across a certain way.

Heather Locklear (63:33)

Yeah. I didn't want to be, like, a fucking wasted person walking around.

Adam Carolla (63:38)

Yeah, not at all.

Heather Locklear (63:39)

I was usually, like. When we'd go out and Tommy goes, I'll be the designated driver. And he starts drinking. I go, I guess I'm the designated driver.

Gillian Barbary (63:44)

But she's also has an image of being. And I always tell you this, like, you know, of television. Like, Julie Roberts was the darling or Sandy Good.

Heather Locklear (63:52)

Yeah. But I married Tommy to put that all right.

Gillian Barbary (63:54)

But you still had a very. Even through all of your troubles and all the bullshit, you still come off to America.

Heather Locklear (64:01)

Well, I'm a nice person.

Gillian Barbary (64:02)

You are. And I'm kind of hard.

Heather Locklear (64:03)

Yeah.

Gillian Barbary (64:04)

Yeah. And I think that comes through. That she's not. Yeah, she's not.

Adam Carolla (64:07)

Well, yeah. I'm not necessarily even saying it through the lens of alcohol. I'm just saying an image. And you seem less guarded now than maybe you were when you were younger.

Heather Locklear (64:20)

Definitely. For sure. But also, I had my mom and my dad, and my sister goes, if you ever do a tampon commercial, I'm gonna kill you. And I'm like, okay, okay. And she'd hit me in the head. And what fucking happened about.

Gillian Barbary (64:31)

With a shoe?

Heather Locklear (64:32)

With a wooden clog. I'm so fucking happy about missing the morning. Going to high school.

Adam Carolla (64:36)

Your mom?

Heather Locklear (64:37)

No, no, my sister.

Adam Carolla (64:38)

Your sister?

Gillian Barbary (64:39)

What are you so happy about?

Adam Carolla (64:41)

Older sister.

Heather Locklear (64:42)

Yeah, they're all older than me.

Gillian Barbary (64:44)

One time I went to her house and I had a moment. I was getting papers for her mom. Heather wasn't there. And I walked in, and I remember your mom saying, they're upstairs and da, da, da. And that's Heather's room. And I opened up the door, and I swear to you I had a moment where. Cause I watched her own Dynasty. She was only a couple years older than me, but in Canada, she was a big fucking deal. And I opened up her teenage room door, and I was like, this is the room she shared with her sister. It was exactly what I would have envisioned. A beautiful girl growing up in California, having a good girl, you know.

Heather Locklear (65:17)

Well, at first we were in Canoga park and I lived in bunk beds. My brother was up here, I'm down here. And then the two older sisters were in their room. Oh yeah, Grew up with your brother bats and football. I love her brother mitts and all this.

Adam Carolla (65:31)

And they were older. So were they hunters? Did they go to Canoga High or did you guys move before that?

Heather Locklear (65:37)

My brother, we moved before, but my dad would go to UCLA every day and my oldest sister Lori and Mark oldest brother would be dropped off at Canoga Park High and then picked up on the way home. And my sister Colleen and I went to Colleena and Newberry Park High School. And Colleen was always in angry.

Adam Carolla (65:57)

Is she still angry? I love her.

Gillian Barbary (65:59)

I talk to her all the time. She's very fucking funny and snarky and just like, I don't know, she's just.

Heather Locklear (66:05)

She'S just opposite of me. I love her.

Gillian Barbary (66:08)

Oh, opposite, like. And yeah, I love.

Adam Carolla (66:11)

People are. I'm starting to really think people are sort of like dog breeds in that they're just, you know, I have a lab feel laid back, you know, flops out, friendly to everybody. And then there's like dogs that are high strung and barking and nipping and whatever and it's like, I don't know, good luck talking them out of it. That's kind of who they are. True.

Gillian Barbary (66:35)

It's so true.

Adam Carolla (66:36)

You just either you have either decide you have if you want to be around that dog or you don't want to be around that dog, but you're not really going to fix that dog. And also you're not going to give Phil a motor either. He just does what he does. You're not, come on, boy, we're going hunting at 4am he's going, fuck that, I'm still sleeping.

Gillian Barbary (66:51)

Exactly.

Heather Locklear (66:52)

I'm sleeping. Yeah, I think because I was the youngest of four and I just tried to get along and I had a good disposition as his nogs, I think we weren't allowed to say hate. Number one, never allowed to say hate. And probably we weren't allowed to be angry. So suppress and you know, we could. My dad would never say, I love that. I like it a lot. I love you, kid. And then we'd go, oh, you love it? Do you want to marry it? So you want to marry it? But. So we weren't allowed to say hate.

Adam Carolla (67:23)

Which I thought was they religious people?

Heather Locklear (67:26)

I mean, my mom was, but not like religious suits. Like, go to church and go to this. And then, you know, I never used to say, oh, my God. Because you're not supposed to take God's name in vain or something. But I'd go, oh, my gosh. No, I'd say, gah.

Gillian Barbary (67:39)

I would say, gah.

Heather Locklear (67:40)

And then I'd sit. Now I say, oh, my God.

Gillian Barbary (67:43)

So funny.

Heather Locklear (67:43)

It's very weird.

Adam Carolla (67:44)

So.

Heather Locklear (67:45)

But anyway, I thought I had to get along with each personality, and that.

Gillian Barbary (67:49)

Was pretty easy because you are easygoing, too. And you're also. You're just. Yeah. Her and I kind of have the same personality. Her mother once told me Heather was a very good daughter to bring up. She goes, she never gave me any problems. I was the opposite to my mom.

Adam Carolla (68:05)

You were a pleaser.

Heather Locklear (68:06)

I was a pleaser, but my mom walked. I. I guess I was with my first boyfriend, and we didn't see the car there. And his car, he drove up and we're making out, and hands are there, and hands are there. And we didn't notice the light going on and off, on and off, on and off. And finally my mom goes, and I think his hand was in my pants. And we both froze. And we're like, just get inside.

Adam Carolla (68:27)

Wow.

Heather Locklear (68:28)

Oops.

Gillian Barbary (68:29)

Yeah. Around 16.

Heather Locklear (68:30)

Something. Ish.

Adam Carolla (68:31)

Shortly after the losing of the virginity.

Heather Locklear (68:34)

Well, maybe around a year later, and then. But I was 17 when I graduated high school, so.

Adam Carolla (68:39)

Oh, you were young.

Heather Locklear (68:40)

Yeah. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (68:40)

All right. So you got. Speaking of boys. So we got the Scott Baio thing. We got the Mark Carmen thing figured out. We got the Richie Sampora thing figured out.

Heather Locklear (68:49)

That's only because of the song.

Adam Carolla (68:51)

Get the Tommy Lee thing figured out. Who are we missing?

Gillian Barbary (68:54)

Tom Cruise.

Adam Carolla (68:55)

Tom Cruise?

Gillian Barbary (68:55)

No, she didn't date Tom. But it's just a great story.

Heather Locklear (68:57)

But anyway, we went out a couple times.

Adam Carolla (68:59)

Couple times. But he didn't make it the three months.

Gillian Barbary (69:02)

I don't want to be a Scientologist. She said, I can't.

Heather Locklear (69:04)

No, he wasn't that. But I don't think he wanted to. You know, it's just like we met at an audition, and I don't think he knew anyone.

Adam Carolla (69:12)

And he was how old?

Gillian Barbary (69:15)

What was before Taps or he just done Taps?

Heather Locklear (69:17)

It was before Taps because we. It was the powers of Matthew Starr that we auditioned for.

Adam Carolla (69:22)

Taps was really his first amazing.

Heather Locklear (69:25)

So great. And I got to. I went to that premiere with him and he.

Gillian Barbary (69:28)

Oh, you did?

Heather Locklear (69:29)

Oh, yeah, yeah. And like, he went around. They goes, you're so nice to just let him. Don't what am I not gonna.

Gillian Barbary (69:34)

You can't talk to those people. This is your fucking show.

Heather Locklear (69:38)

And he was so great. Yeah. And they keep talking about this. I mean, I said this one thing about him dancing at this place and he did all that stuff. And I think when he did the Rebecca du Moore name movie. What's that called?

Adam Carolla (69:52)

Risky Business.

Gillian Barbary (69:52)

Risky Business.

Heather Locklear (69:53)

I talked to him on the phone once and I just wanted to know about the sex scenes and how he had to do them and all that stuff. And I think that was pretty much the last time I talked to. But he's a nice guy.

Gillian Barbary (70:01)

Yeah, he seems nice.

Adam Carolla (70:03)

Anybody else we're missing? Perhaps Jillian will fill me in.

Gillian Barbary (70:07)

Yeah, I will.

Heather Locklear (70:07)

Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna say Jillian will do it, though.

Gillian Barbary (70:10)

Hang on a second.

Heather Locklear (70:10)

There's one guy goes, heather, I don't. After my divorce, Nick Cage. No, no, no, no, I dig. I auditioned with him. Oh, I love him for the wrestler. Anyway. Oh, and I had Taco Bell sauce on my.

Gillian Barbary (70:22)

Wait, that was Mickey Rourke.

Heather Locklear (70:24)

Nour. It was. No, Mickey Rourke wasn't. They couldn't finance him, so Nick Cage could insurance him.

Adam Carolla (70:30)

Insurance. And then.

Heather Locklear (70:31)

Yes. And then they finally, I think, Nick Cage backed out. So anyway, so this one guy. So afterwards, he went out with this one guy and he goes, heather, I don't need this much sex.

Gillian Barbary (70:43)

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. He's gay, obviously. Let me try to think of who it could be. I don't even know that you've told me, bubba.

Adam Carolla (70:52)

But it's a guy. We would know.

Gillian Barbary (70:53)

Oh, I know exactly who it is.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (70:55)

Shut up.

Adam Carolla (70:55)

Up.

Gillian Barbary (70:56)

Oh, my God.

Adam Carolla (70:57)

Give me initials. Jill.

Gillian Barbary (70:58)

I would do a. Sounds like, but she'll kill me.

Heather Locklear (71:00)

Yeah.

Gillian Barbary (71:01)

And I have a show with her now, and I've got to see her all the time.

Heather Locklear (71:04)

Kill.

Gillian Barbary (71:04)

I. She would kill me.

Heather Locklear (71:05)

I would chop off.

Gillian Barbary (71:06)

She looks sweet, but she chopped my tits off again for the second time.

Heather Locklear (71:10)

I put him over you. Your backup put him in a landfill.

Gillian Barbary (71:14)

Wow, she's tough. She's very funny. Like, her and I get along amazing, but she's got a. I mean, I have to be. I throw everything out there, but I have to be a little different. Protective of her.

Adam Carolla (71:27)

All right, all right. Let me give you guys a plug.

Gillian Barbary (71:30)

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Adam Carolla (71:31)

And by the way, now that you guys got your show and everyone's talking, you come back and we could do the.

Heather Locklear (71:39)

And you can say you've met me before.

Adam Carolla (71:41)

Yes, yes. Cause I know.

Heather Locklear (71:42)

Nice to see you, Heather. Yes, I'll say it's nice to see you, too.

Gillian Barbary (71:46)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (71:47)

Yes.

Gillian Barbary (71:48)

I. I'll say it first.

Adam Carolla (71:50)

I did not know. I assumed that I had never met you, but I wasn't sure. Yeah.

Gillian Barbary (71:55)

And meanwhile, he's seen me passed out, he's seen me throw up, seen the Jacuzzi, I fell in.

Adam Carolla (72:00)

We've been intimate, yes, but I did not know.

Heather Locklear (72:03)

And he's not teeny weeny.

Gillian Barbary (72:05)

No. He's lying.

Adam Carolla (72:06)

Jim Dick.

Gillian Barbary (72:07)

Yeah, Jim Dick.

Heather Locklear (72:08)

I'm a potential from now on.

Adam Carolla (72:10)

A lot of unrealized potential. What do you want? It's the name of the podcast. It launches this. This Friday, everybody. We'll take a break, we'll come back. We'll do some news with Rudy right after this. Morgan and Morgan. Well, there's a reason why Tom Brady's got seven rings. Just like there's a reason Morgan. And Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. Over 20 billion recovered for more than 500,000 clients. That's not a slogan, that's results. One Florida case insurance offered 350,000 bucks. Client walked away with 12 million. Oh, yeah. Let's say it's a little upgrade. They've been doing this for 35 years. Fighting for the people. That's what Morgan and Morgan does. Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm. For the people, not the powerful. Am I right, Dawson?

Show Announcer (73:17)

If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to for the people.com Adam or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's f o r the people.com Adam or pound law pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement.

Adam Carolla (73:32)

O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, O'Reilly Auto Parts. You know the jingle? I just sung it. Oh, oh, oh. They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need for all your maintenance and repairs. Always use these guys in the past. Still do today in a little better tax bracket now. But that doesn't stop me from going to O'Reilly and doing things for myself. Just prepped a race car. Went to O'Reilly to prep it. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they is friendly. So stop by at O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us online@o'reillyauto.com Adam. That's o'reillyauto.com Adam this September, CBS hits.

Commercial Voice (74:34)

Are streaming free on Pluto TV. I'm coming in for this month only. You can watch full seasons of the CBS shows you love, from the courtroom drama of Matlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to where it all began in NCIS origins, or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv Stream now pay never.

Show Announcer (75:08)

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

Adam Carolla (75:14)

Hey, Ace man, it's Joseph from Chino. Saturday morning, about 6:45, making the quick Home Depot run, running left turn, red arrows. Who are these that honk when no one's around? Like, I don't know. I ran the red light. What's this world coming to?

Show Announcer (75:37)

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

Adam Carolla (75:42)

Yeah, I agree. I, I run them a lot. I run. So I've expanded my repertoire into running red lights. Just in general. I expanded. I did just red arrows for 20 years, and now I've opened it up to all red lights, which is better. And so far, so good. But you do get the toot every once in a while, the person behind you. Now, the thing that's weird about the toot of the person behind you is there's no real practical application for it because if you did it by mistake, you're still in the middle of the intersection when they toot. So there's really no unringing that bell. You have to stop in the middle of the intersection. Back up. I'm not sure what they want. I know that I hate that person. That's all I know. And I would never do it to anybody. And I think if you asked them, they'd go, oh, that guy went through a red. He doesn't know know. They would act like they were alerting you.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (76:45)

Yeah, you turned me onto this early on in our relationship. I've never looked back. It's been the best decision I've ever made.

Adam Carolla (76:52)

The best. I remember.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (76:54)

I remember this was not that long ago. When my girlfriend drives with me, I run through the left turn arrow. And the second week, she knows it's coming, right? And she goes, don't do it. Don't, don't. Don't you dare do it. And I get halfway through the intersection and she gets head on a swivel thinking that there's a cop behind us. And then as soon as we get safely through, she gets mad and yells at me, you put my life in Danger, right? It's like there's no danger. That's why we're, we're on the other side. We're going about our day with no danger.

Adam Carolla (77:22)

Can I say this? And something I've been thinking about a lot because it's lots of talk about, you know, the Maha mom and Kennedy Jr. And lots of vax talks.

Gillian Barbary (77:36)

Talk.

Adam Carolla (77:38)

Whenever there's any vax talk of any kind, it's always followed by tons of B roll of people getting vaccinated. Like the person, they split the screen. So they're talking about, well, the hepatitis C vaccine. And then they split the screen and they show kids being injected. There's the arm one, there's the little toddler, like thigh meaty, thigh one. And I thought to myself, I don't ever want to see B roll of people being injected any fucking more. It's the least, by the way, in terms of, in terms of visually seeing what they're talking about. Let's just work from most important to least important. So like, if you're doing a news story and you go, well, the accident ended in tragedy when Rudy and his girlfriend ran a red light in Canoga park intersection, were T boned by a logging truck. Then you watch that, you know, because you'd go, oh, I want to see that. And I gotta picture what that is. And then there's ones where they go, you know, they're out there this summer, it's battle of the bulge. Americans are putting on weight and they show B roll like fat, fat people.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (78:58)

The muffin top.

Adam Carolla (78:59)

Yeah, just walk this guy on the boardwalk with fat gunt, slopping over pantis, slopping over shorts. And you go, I can pretty much picture what a fat person looks like without your B roll of fat guy. But the injection thing is like, no confusion. There's nobody that's ever went, what are you talking about? Vaccines, injection. Yeah, that's orally. Like when you go, so the vaccines, the vaccine, I don't wanna see anyone else take a needle. It's not comfortable. It makes me wince like a little. It stings especially, by the way, a lot of it is, should you get your child vaccinated? And you got this little four year old sitting there and you see this long needle just going into their arm or in their thigh. And you go, here's what I'm saying. It's like when. It's why I hate people with aggressive septum piercings. Because at some point when I look up and you're behind the counter at the Starbucks and I see the big septum piercing. I have to momentarily think about that. There is no avoiding that. I don't have to feel it, I don't have to acknowledge it, but I do have to kind of accept it and think about it for a moment. Like, it's like when you pass a car and the driver's side door's all caved in. You just go, what happened? There you go, your car's fine, you're not injured, but there's a moment where you have to go, what happened here? And when it comes to the injections, I do a little like, if I'm eating or something, it's not comfortable, but I realize, realize it is nonstop and it's Old Faithful. It never ends. If they're talking about vaccinating, the second they do is go, B roll. There's multiple B roll. It's like 12 people. This guy gets vaccinated, she gets vaccinated, he gets, the old guy gets vaccinated. We get. It involves a syringe and an arm with a sleeve rolled up. Knock it the fuck off. Put a picture of a missing kid up there. Yeah, there's missing kids. If you have something that we all. That's ubiquitous and we know, like fat people or, you know, vaccines, take that valuable screen time and just put a fucking picture of a missing 8 year old and go, we're talking about vaccines. By the way, this kid was last seen in a beige Camry.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (81:30)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why I respectfully got my dong pierced and not my septum. So that you don't have to see it and wince every time.

Adam Carolla (81:38)

Yeah, I know.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (81:39)

I mean, just the times you look at it.

Adam Carolla (81:40)

I always close my eyes when I blow, Rudy. Jesus.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (81:43)

Well, I don't want to get it caught. Not in your septum position.

Adam Carolla (81:46)

I get it.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (81:46)

Obviously, yes.

Adam Carolla (81:50)

You can find Dawson or Andrew. But it dawned on me today when I was looking at this MSNBC clip that we had from back when where it's the two black chicks lying about COVID and vaccinations and why you should have your kids vaccinated and all this kind of this is pure propaganda, Pure fucking lie. Just, just two chicks on msnbc. One's a doctor, anesthesiologist and the other's a anchor and they're just fucking lying about getting vaccinated. This whole thing where it's like, we wanna start a ministry so we can tell the truth and all these assholes going, we wanna have classes about media training so people can learn the truth. Tell me what Part of these bitches talking four years ago was. Wasn't fucking pure propaganda and a pure lie. But as I was listening to him lie, I was watching all these. It's a never ending syringe going into a cavalcade of kids. And I just thought, why do I need to see this? It's uncomfortable. And by the way, we live in a society where when you're watching Survivor and the hot chick goes up the cargo net and her ass crack picks out, we tile that out, we cover.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (83:04)

We blur that the one recently was the gal on the subway, Charlotte. They would show up until the point where the guy stabbed her. And I was like, just show me a picture and point. Put an arrow to that guy's face and let me know. I don't need to see that.

Adam Carolla (83:17)

The ultimate injection. All right. I don't know, Andrew, you must have it right there. But it's so funny. First off, it's crazy to hear what they're saying. This is four years ago. Propaganda and lying about COVID But also also the B roll part. Just watch this. By the way, everyone listen to what they were talking about. By the way, msnbc, they're done with COVID They're now on with Hitlerian dictator. But look at it through the eyes of these two bitches and let's just see how much lying was going on back then.

Kamala Harris (83:54)

Turn to the topic of COVID On.

Adam Carolla (83:56)

Tuesday, President Biden announced vaccines are now available for kids under the age of five.

Heather Locklear (84:00)

I know a lot of parents out there have been been waiting for this announcement. Number one, what do you want to tell?

Adam Carolla (84:06)

Big needle, part of the thigh. Yeah, right.

Rachel Maddow (84:10)

For one, I would hope they see that. It did take a long time before this was rolled out because first safety had to be verified. And that is, that is most important. The second thing I want them to know is oftentimes this was stated early on that kids are protected. But what we know is that six times the number of kids died from COVID Covid. Than the flu this past year, right?

Gillian Barbary (84:30)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (84:30)

All with pre existing conditions, all with comorbidities. But you're doing a commercial that you.

Rachel Maddow (84:38)

Can use drug companies to help protect your child from being hospitalized and keep them alive. To see next year. And keep them alive.

Adam Carolla (84:45)

See next year. We got another close up of the needle going in.

Rachel Maddow (84:50)

Make sure they're wearing those masks.

Adam Carolla (84:51)

Hold on. Wear the mask. You gotta wear the mask. By the way. Roll back, go back 20 seconds. She literally goes. You gotta keep wearing the mask. Gotta keep doing the procedures that limited. Okay. The mask did not work. Six foot distancing, you guys, somebody made that up. That doesn't exist either. And washing everything with Purell doesn't work either. So you want us to keep doing the shit that doesn't work? That didn't work. But your side is all fired up, up about misinformation and media. The media. All right, let's just listen to her, sir. Right.

Rachel Maddow (85:26)

We had 600 children who are no longer with us from 2021. And there is now a method that you can use to help protect your child from being hospitalized and keep them alive to see next year. And there's the saying, you know, if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. Keep your kids vaccinated, make sure they're wearing those masks and practice those same mitigating factors that we've been doing now for two and a half years. What we do know is that COVID 19 is linked to a number of different disease processes that we can already trace. You know, they say, well, you can't tell the long term consequences of the vaccine. Well, yes we can.

Adam Carolla (86:04)

No, you can't.

Rachel Maddow (86:05)

In queue time, we've now been. I've got my vaccine back in December 2020, right? I was the first person at the University of Virginia. We've now been able to track persons like me to see what has happened, has anything changed. But what we also know is that we're tracking people who have COVID 19, children and adults alike. And what we know is that one in every five persons who've been infected with COVID 19 now has a lingering disability where their organs, their heart, their lungs, their kidneys, their brain is no longer.

Adam Carolla (86:35)

Fuck up. Hold on, bitch. One in five. That's 400 million people. I mean, worldwide, it's millions and millions and millions. But in the United states, that'd be 50 million, 70 million people. People she'd be talking about. Okay, she's lying about all of this shit. And this shit's 10 minutes old. Yeah, so assume they're gonna lie, but once again, spare me the morality tale about me and fake information. All right? But we'll just ride it out a little bit longer.

Rachel Maddow (87:07)

They got infected with COVID 19. And when you take that developing child whose organs have not come to what it's gonna be for the rest of their life, and you stress it out and you put it on that treadmill and say, I want you to spread, what does that do for the longevity of their life? Not only in the quantity of their life and whether or not they Will live a full life as we hope to live. But the quality of their life. Don't want to see that. We don't know what that's going to be for COVID 19. And we don't have to risk it because we have a vaccine.

Adam Carolla (87:35)

Okay. It's so. Okay. Get your kids, get your four year old. No, get your four month old. Get your four week old vaccinated. Fucking lying hags. They all fucking lying. Lied. They lied. So again, I don't care. Look, Big Pharma, that's their business. Fine. Just don't fucking start putting together the dream team of factual information for the next one that comes around. When all you guys did was lie during this one.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (88:02)

Yeah. It's insane to me that they can go out and give out that kind of information. But I am convinced. I think we've talked about this many times. I am convinced that my friend Ricky is dead because of the vaccine. Vaccine?

Adam Carolla (88:14)

Look, here's the reality. Vaccine if you're sick or vaccine if you're old or you have comorbidities, if you're healthy. If she made a delineation and went, look, if you're healthy and you're young, then no, you're not in danger. You don't need the vaccine. But if you're old or you're young with comorbidities, then maybe you should talk to your doctor about it, that'd be fine. Uh, she's just on a campaign to get everyone vaccinated because they act like if your 5 year old got Covid that have long term kidney, lung and liver damage or something. I don't even know what the fuck she's talking about. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's not basing it on anything. And when people do the excuse of. Well, they didn't know at the time. Okay, then shut the fuck up. Because it sounds to me like you know something. Yeah, but you're wrong about everything.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (89:03)

I had COVID 19. Not in my lungs, but in my stomach. And I couldn't get it out. It was almost three months. I had it stuck in there. I had to go on a diet to be able to get the inflammation out of my guts down so I could pass the virus quite positive. I got it from Ilan Omar. Allegedly. I'm. I'm quite positive. I. I got it from her.

Adam Carolla (89:20)

She's such a proud representative of your home state of Minnesota.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (89:23)

I don't know if I. I don't know if I ever told you this, but I had to go down to the George Floyd, like the. I don't know what they call it now, the square where, you know, the incident happened. And while I was there, I was having to do photos for the media outlet that I worked for. And while I was down there, she showed up with all the. The AOCs and the whole pack, and they came down, and I had to be down there with my mask because you couldn't go within 20ft of people or whatever it was. And I walked up and she came and stood next to me, and I took a whiff, and I was like, oh, there's obviously a female standing next to me. And I turned and I looked, and there was Ilhan Omar standing definitely within six feet.

Adam Carolla (89:56)

Sure. Oh, well, that's size if it's under six foot.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (89:59)

And. Well, because we were at the. We were at the memorial, it's totally okay to stand close to one another.

Adam Carolla (90:04)

Fauci taught me that.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (90:05)

Yeah, if it was at Target, we'd.

Adam Carolla (90:07)

Have to stand on the surface decals on the floor, but that's fine. This is to honor a black criminal.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (90:12)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (90:14)

Another thought. I thought about the term that's been around my whole life, which is when they wanted you to wear a condom. It was no glove, no love.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (90:28)

Hmm.

Adam Carolla (90:28)

Never heard no glove, no love?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (90:30)

I haven't, no.

Adam Carolla (90:32)

Wow, that's interesting. Now, Dawson's heard of no glove, now, wouldn't you? You'd be surprised that Rudy's never heard the term no glove, no love for condoms. Wouldn't you? I've heard it, yeah. Yeah. It was pretty ubiquitous. I think it was.

Show Announcer (90:47)

Feels like it was a bumper sticker.

Adam Carolla (90:49)

It was in movies and stuff. You know, they say, no glove, no glove, no love.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (90:53)

My girlfriend does tell me, no rubber, we put it in your ass. That's what she does.

Adam Carolla (90:57)

That doesn't rhyme.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (90:58)

It doesn't rhyme, but it's her saying. And listen.

Adam Carolla (91:01)

Never heard the term no glove, no love.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (91:03)

I like it, though. I get what it means.

Adam Carolla (91:06)

I guess I'm old. Maybe it's a Minnesota thing. I don't know. Maybe it was an LA thing.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (91:11)

Yeah. We go duck, duck, goose. And we go gas, grass, and ass. No one rides for free.

Adam Carolla (91:17)

Well, that I got. And I even know what utter bomb is, but no glove, no love was always the phrase for wearing a condom. You do get no sex unless you wear a condom. But. But I had a realization today when I was thinking about no glove, no love. Glove's got five fingers. It's not really a glove, it's a mitten.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (91:40)

You Know, one big finger if you put them all together.

Adam Carolla (91:42)

No. And then I thought, well, but what rhymes with mitten, you know? And I realized, no mitten, no kitten. Because we call pussy.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (91:49)

That's a good one, right?

Adam Carolla (91:50)

Yes. And I would like to replace for the next generation. Like, I tried. I had a movement for a while where I wanted the kids game Marco Polo and pools changed to Adam Carolla because I felt like he had a good run. Kids don't really know who Marco Polo is. And he was of a time, he probably had some slaves and stuff, hurt some indigenous people. He opened a spice trade route. Big whoop, you know what I mean? I was in the man show, you know what I mean?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (92:26)

I've seen Princess Bride. I know what Spaniards do.

Adam Carolla (92:28)

Yeah. And so in the pool they'd go, Adam Corolla. It would be a nice, you know, tip of the cap to me and something my kids would enjoy. It caught on a little bit. But then I wanted to make a real full throated attempt to replace Marco Polo with Adam Carolla. But now I've moved on from no glove, no love to no mitten, no kitten.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (92:52)

I like that.

Adam Carolla (92:52)

That'll work.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (92:53)

Yeah. Is there something you could say, like, hey, no rubber in the front, something in the rear. Can't put it in the rare.

Adam Carolla (93:03)

Well, there was. There was no.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (93:05)

I was saying front, like rhymes with front.

Adam Carolla (93:07)

Oh. Oh, it's in.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (93:08)

There you go. Yeah, yeah, I got the memo about the word, so I just.

Adam Carolla (93:12)

But we gotta. Well, it's a glove again. A glove is. A glove is fine, but it's got the five fingers and you got the one dick, you know?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (93:22)

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, for now anyways. We could. Science could definitely change that at any point.

Adam Carolla (93:30)

Yeah, there's something about a sock and a cock that might work.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (93:33)

That's good. Yeah. No sock.

Adam Carolla (93:34)

Well, I don't want to get sidebarred here, but I'm down no mitten. No kidding. That's good as. I know it's a pretty big gay community.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (93:44)

Yeah, I know you've been trying to get some new merch at the show, so.

Adam Carolla (93:47)

Yeah, maybe my mitten. My condom mitten. The other thing I was enamored by before we get to the news is Kamala just had her interview with Rachel Maddow and she had a great Pete Buttigieg combo. And it's. It was convo. I should say it was great. I don't know if you saw that. Well, Kamala, she loves the word salad and it's an interesting thing. So Rachel Maddow. Kamala's gonna go on Rachel Maddow show because she knows it's friendly and it's gonna be a real softball interview. But Rachel Maddow is a proud member of the LGBT community community. And in her book, she said, I can't tap Pete Buttigieg as someone as my vice because he's gay, and that's not gonna work. So the fun part is, so Rachel Maddow has to bring it up because she may be on a network that offers softball interviews to Kamala Harris, but she's a lesbian first, and she has to represent the lesbian community. So she has to ask her this question. Now, by the way, the new world orders, they ask the question, they give a shitty long, nonsensical answer of which the person who asks the question goes, okay, okay. And by the way, any argument here's what you should be like when you're interviewing people. Like any woman I've ever had an argument with, because any woman you've ever had an argument with goes, well, I'll play both parts of the argument. I'll be the woman. Geez, you're coming through the front door at 1:30. Why so long? You said you're just going to the game. It's a day game. What are you going? You go, well, after the game, we decide to go out and have a beer. Well, why didn't you call? They don't hear you out. You know what I mean? Hold on. My phone battery was dead. And you couldn't have borrowed Stan's phone. You couldn't. No one at your table, nobody drinking beer, had a phone that you could have used to call me and tell me. They don't let you go all the way through. You know what I mean? They stop you at every intersection and introduce something where you go, oh, shit. And then you go. And I'd been drinking a little bit, so I didn't think it'd be a good. Why didn't you call an Uber? They don't let you just mow all the way through your long fucking tale of excuses, right? That cut you off. That's the way you gotta do interviews.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (96:36)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (96:36)

So listen to Rachel Maddow ask a tough question, turn it up a little. I'm gonna ask advance. Cuz it's always light of Kamala, the.

Gillian Barbary (96:44)

President, to say that he couldn't be.

Adam Carolla (96:46)

On the ticket effectively because he was gay is hard to hear.

Kamala Harris (96:48)

No, no, no, that's not what I think said that. That's that he couldn't be on the ticket because he is gay. My point, as I write in the book, is that I was clear that in 107 days, in one of the most hotly contested elections for president of the United States against someone like Donald Trump, who knows no Flora floor. To be a black woman running for president of the United States.

Adam Carolla (97:19)

Hold on a second. Does she appear to be a black woman to anybody? I mean, I would go with more Indian than black at this point. Is everyone black? Who's half black? And then what about the mom? And why is it. It's a slap in the face of the fucking mom. Whether you're Barack Obama or in this case, Kamala Harris, you're half Indian, you're half black, but he's just a black woman. Woman. Now, in the United States who passes as something other than a black woman. But you're a black woman. Okay, but I just go with mix. I don't know. If you're half something, you're half something else. I don't get why you're just that one thing. And by the way, stop telling me you know what it's like to be a black woman in America and then call yourself a black woman when you don't have to call yourself a black woman. Or maybe, man, just fucking knock it off. Or spare me your conversations about how difficult it is to be of that race and then claim that race when you don't have to. In her case, she can say whatever she wanted. There's nothing, by the way, if you never met Kamala Harris in your entire life. Your entire life. And you ran, and you go, oh, what's your heritage? And you went, my dad's Hispanic. My mom's Dutch. You just go, okay, okay. Like, you wouldn't go, wait a minute. I know you're black.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (98:38)

Yeah. Well, you use it whenever it is most advantageous for you. So you're msnbc. On msnbc, you're black. When you go. Go to get a home mortgage, you're Indian. You use it where it needs to be.

Adam Carolla (98:48)

That's a good. A good point. All right, sorry. We'll play it on who knows.

Kamala Harris (98:52)

No floor.

Adam Carolla (98:53)

No floor.

Kamala Harris (98:55)

To be a black woman running for president, United States States. And as a vice presidential running mate, a gay man, with the stakes being so high, it made me very sad. But I also realized it would be a real risk.

Adam Carolla (99:14)

Hold on a second. Hey, bitch, don't you speak truth to power? Why are you fucking chickening out? Like, fucking speak your truth. Truth. Speak truth to power. And also, I love that there's Some sort of algorithm. Like, well, what we can handle is half black and female, but we couldn't do half black female and gay. We could probably do, like, lesbian, but white with a mixed race vice president who's straight. Or we could do Jew with half.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (99:53)

Black, adopted Asian baby.

Adam Carolla (99:55)

Adopted Asian baby, but heterosexual, very heterosexual baby. And the Jews gotta be straight. Like, I love that there's some sort of combination. At some point, as Americans, we hit our saturation point. So we go, we'll do a black president. I'll do you two terms on a black president, but he better fucking have a white straight dude running with him. Because I only got so much room in my heart. You understand, man? I'll look the other way. And a black president, but if his vice president is gay, then that's a bridge too far. You know, I was telling Dr. Drew, it was kind of like when I played B football in the 10th grade. And he goes at a 10th grade team, and it's like, it's a 10th grade team, but there were seniors on it. But there were seniors that were undersized.

Gillian Barbary (100:45)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (100:46)

So you couldn't be a big senior and play on the B team. You could be a small senior and play on the B team, or you could be a medium sized 11th grader and play on the B team, or you could be a big 10th grader, but they would factor in. And if you were too big or too old, you're out.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (101:04)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (101:05)

So she's kind of doing that with the presidency. Like, we could have one gay dude with a white chick or one white chick with a straight dude, but we can't do the black and the gay.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (101:16)

Yeah. My senior year of high school, I kicked ass in Pony League. I whipped ass all over that field, man. I mean, those. Those.

Adam Carolla (101:23)

Cause you were little.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (101:24)

Yeah, those fifth and sixth graders had no idea what was coming to them.

Adam Carolla (101:29)

All right, so she's explaining to Rachel Maddow that she never said she couldn't pick a gay vice president running mate. Except for that's all she said. Saying. Is she saying anything other than she didn't do it because he's gay?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (101:44)

A lot of empty words, but that's about it.

Adam Carolla (101:46)

All right, we'll keep it going.

Kamala Harris (101:47)

It would be a real risk. A risk no matter how. You know, I've been an advocate and an ally of the LGBT community my entire life, so it wasn't about. It wasn't about. Right, so it wasn't about any prejudice on my part.

Adam Carolla (102:03)

I just didn't want to be losers. We had To a short.

Kamala Harris (102:06)

We had such a short period of.

Adam Carolla (102:08)

Time.

Kamala Harris (102:11)

And the stakes were so high.

Adam Carolla (102:12)

They had to win. I think Pete win with that.

Kamala Harris (102:14)

Homo is a phenomenal, great guy.

Adam Carolla (102:17)

Sucks.

Kamala Harris (102:18)

Phenomenal.

Adam Carolla (102:18)

Public servant, loves a doctor.

Kamala Harris (102:20)

And I think America is and would be ready for that. But at when I had to make that decision with two weeks to go.

Adam Carolla (102:31)

Hold on, hold on. Have we come that far in 14 months? Like they're ready. She's saying we're ready for it now, right? Oh, yeah.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (102:42)

No, we weren't.

Adam Carolla (102:42)

But this wasn't 1961. And you're running for the school board in Alabama.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (102:47)

Yeah, yeah. It's even less than that because it was November of last year. So it was.

Adam Carolla (102:51)

Well, she had to tap her running mate. Let's do the math. When do you tap your running mate? Cause the election's in November. But she's got announced a running mate before that.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (103:04)

I think it was like around July. Ish. Because I had friends of mine who went on like some big thing with Tim Walsh while he was out toting around trying to get that nomination. So it was around July. August. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (103:15)

So we lived in a very. Again, I'll go back to 14 months ago or 13 months. We lived in a very different America back then.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (103:22)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (103:23)

I got the same iPhone I had back then. I got the same car.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (103:26)

Yeah. I literally haven't had this shirt for longer than that amount of time. America.

Adam Carolla (103:31)

I'll rewind it a little. I wanna. I'm kind of curious what her point is about why we would accept it now. She loves Pete. She just wanted to win. Sorry.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (103:40)

I hope Pete's at home watching. This is going. I fucking lost to this bitch. Are you kidding me?

Adam Carolla (103:44)

What?

Kamala Harris (103:46)

It wasn't about. Yeah, Right. So it wasn't about any prejudice on my part. But that could feel like we had such a short period of time.

Heather Locklear (103:57)

And.

Kamala Harris (103:58)

The stakes were so high. I think Pete is a phenomenal, phenomenal public servant.

Adam Carolla (104:05)

The best.

Kamala Harris (104:07)

And I think America is and would be ready for that.

Adam Carolla (104:13)

Is.

Kamala Harris (104:14)

But at when I had to make that decision with two weeks to go.

Adam Carolla (104:18)

Oh, yeah.

Kamala Harris (104:20)

You know, and maybe I was being too confident. You know, I'll let our friends. We should all talk about that. Maybe I was. But that's the decision I made. And I. As with everything else in the book, I'm being very candid about that with a great deal of sadness about also the fact that it might have been a risk.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (104:44)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (104:44)

But now Rachel should go. Look, 10 minutes and 4,000 words ago, I said. You said in the book. You couldn't run with Pete Buttigieg cuz he was gay. And now that's what you just said, because he was gay. Because we live in a horrible, racist, homophobic America. But we don't anymore. But how many months ago? Let's try to figure out, sort of figure, when did she happen?

Show Announcer (105:08)

If the election was, you know, November 5th and her book is called 107 Days and that's as long as the campaign was. We're looking at around July 13th, 12th. I'm trying to verify when she.

Adam Carolla (105:21)

Okay, so that is a year and two. Well, I'm going with my 14 month argument. Right.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (105:28)

Pretty good.

Adam Carolla (105:29)

But I don't feel like America changed. Well, the Palisades in Malibu existed, so maybe, maybe that. But I don't think that's what she's talking about now. But we're ready for it now, Rachel.

Show Announcer (105:44)

July 21st.

Adam Carolla (105:46)

All right, wait a minute. We're right at 14.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (105:48)

We're right at 14 months.

Adam Carolla (105:49)

Yeah. D minus students.

Show Announcer (105:52)

Did you also notice Rachel Maddow's.

Adam Carolla (105:58)

Lot of that right now? What I'm saying is no woman I've ever been with would let me get through that conversation without jumping in and going, yeah, that's what I said. Too gay to run. And you're the one who's always talking about being courageous and standing up and truth to power. So why don't you put your fucking money where your mouth was and stand up and the right thing.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (106:18)

Yeah, well, probably doesn't want to get thrown out of the club. So she doesn't hold her feet to the fire.

Adam Carolla (106:23)

No sheath, no queef.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (106:26)

Ah, that's not bad.

Adam Carolla (106:28)

That's not bad. Pretty good.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (106:30)

You know, I know it's a dumb, cheesy joke and I only do it when I go on the road with you because your crowd loves it and they love it. I love doing the joke because when I wrote it, my girlfriend was like, that's stupid, but try it. It's the one where I go, they put politics in kids shows now. Like my daughter was watching one the other day with the. Oh Christ, what the hell's the name of that. That show? A Big Bird. And then the crowd goes Sesame Street. And I'm like, oh no, Rachel Maddow. That's what it. Rachel Maddow.

Adam Carolla (106:56)

Yes, they love it.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (106:57)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good one.

Adam Carolla (107:00)

Homes.com. some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. I just leave it at that because that's what I would say. But it may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's at. Homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Or Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched. To highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. And who knows, that could be your next home. Homes.com that's homes.com we've done your homework.

Commercial Voice (107:57)

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Adam Carolla (108:30)

All right, so you got some news.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (108:32)

Let's do it, huh? So this has been making the rounds. Customer orders Charlie Kirk's Starbucks drink and finds disturbing hate message Employee gets fired. This is an Ohio woman ordered Charlie Kirk's to go to Starbucks drink. Which by the way, what do you think that is, ace?

Adam Carolla (108:47)

There's a Charlie Kirk drink.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (108:49)

Yeah. So it's not like it's named after him at Starbucks. It was what he would order when he went to Starbucks.

Adam Carolla (108:55)

Oh, I didn't.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (108:56)

And people have been ordering it ever since September 10th.

Adam Carolla (108:58)

Oh, I see. Because it would seem very off brand to have them dedicate a drink to them. But people are ordering that. I'm looking at a thing that says mint something on it and honey and whatever. So he does a tea.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (109:12)

I'm guessing they popped the balloon there. Yeah. Minty Majesty tea with two honeys.

Adam Carolla (109:18)

Two honeys, two honeys. Yeah. I wouldn't think that, but I wouldn't know. And by the way, the people in their beverages are all over the road. It's hard to connect them. I can do a lot of racial profiling and do lots of profiling and know where people are going with stuff drinks. I never know. I never know who's the latte, who's the almond latte? I mean, pain in the ass chick is always the bigger pain in the ass you are in life, the longer your Starbucks drink is. That much I know. But I would have never guessed Charlie Kirk. I would have. I think Republican guy, conservative guy. Just think black coffee.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (109:58)

Yeah. Yeah. I always see the guys that are outside of the Starbucks, like the road construction guys. And it's all the dudes in the reflective vests. And then there's the one guy who's like, maybe from the city or maybe from corporate who's like the project manager. And the guy goes in and orders six black coffees. And then he needs a minty fruit latte, whipped cream on top and sprinkles. And you're like, I know exactly who that drink is going for.

Adam Carolla (110:21)

I heard I was behind someone who ordered light foam. And I was like, you like foam or don't you like foam, bitch? In or out with your fucking foam. So somebody, she wrote something. This is for the racist or whatever.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (110:34)

Yeah. So on the side of the drink, it was handwritten, racist fave drink on the side of the cup. This woman complained to corporate. She went and talked to Kroger's who ran that certain Starbucks. The employee had admitted to writing on the side of the cup and was immediately fired on spot.

Adam Carolla (110:53)

Good. And the thing about racist is let's stop throwing it around. So sort of willy nilly. It's a big thing. It's also a reason to put someone in the ground. So I don't know what their thing is on the left, but everyone, look, I have thoughts about what ails the black community, but that doesn't make me racist. I have thoughts about what ails many communities and many white people as well. That doesn't make me anything other than I have thoughts. And we've constructed some sort of system where they're like, well, yeah, but you're not black, but you're not. Okay, I don't play for the Rams, but I have thoughts about what they could have done the other weekend to win a football game. That's what I do. I have thoughts about everything. Sure, that's just me. It's just contained to my kids. I have thoughts about other people's kids as well, so shut the fuck up. What do you mean no thoughts? I have thoughts about how to run everything all the time.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (111:54)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (111:55)

Yes.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (111:55)

Also, me and the boys were in the back talking. Female Republicans have come a long way over the last few years, have they not? Like, look at this lady on the right. That is the new face of the Republican party where back in the day you had Barbara Blue Bush.

Adam Carolla (112:10)

Oh, I thought this the chick who wrote on the cup.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (112:13)

No, no, she's the one who got the cup. Yeah, I had to make sure that we were correct in that too. So, yeah. So this is the woman who got the cup.

Adam Carolla (112:19)

Yeah, and then.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (112:20)

Yeah, yeah. Cause you would assume that this is the woman who's got the tats and.

Adam Carolla (112:23)

The head shave and the weird, I don't know, Pomeranian hairdo. I don't know what we call that, but she's the victim of it.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (112:30)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (112:31)

Also, I don't know what the attraction is to calling people racist. Like, I. I just don't presume to know what's in their heart. I don't really care. It seems like a weird calorie burner to go after people. I don't know that guy. Remember 10 minutes ago we had to pop the tires of anyone driving a Tesla. Remember that from 10 minutes ago? Back when America wasn't ready for a gay vice president? Remember he had to go to. Does this seem like a big calorie burner? Did anyone go, it's an electric car. It's good. It's good for the. We used to like Elon. I know. We'd have to retroactively go pop his tires. It's all like behavior. It's like nine year old behavior. It's weird.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (113:13)

Remember when it was quaint, when Starbucks just decided to put a war on Christmas with Happy Holidays? That was quaint. And now they're calling everybody racist. It feels like.

Adam Carolla (113:21)

I know, I miss the holidays those days, right?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (113:25)

Donald Trump slammed statues showing him holding hands with Jeffrey Epstein. This thing is glorious. I was in Washington D.C. yesterday and I didn't get a chance to swing by in see it. But the new statues erected on the National MALL In Washington D.C. they show Trump and Epstein giddily frolicking together, holding hands with a plaque that reads, we celebrate the long lasting bond between President Donald J. Trump and his closest friend, Jeffrey Epstein. Trump did not hold back. In a statement that was made from the White House to tmz, liberals are free to waste their money however they see fit. But it's not news that Epstein knew Donald Trump because Donald Trump kicked Epstein out of his closet club for being a creep.

Adam Carolla (114:05)

You know what we should do? You know what Trump should do? Here's Trump. If Trump was smart, here's what he'd do. He'd go, you know, I just commissioned a bronze statue of Magellan holding hands with Marco Polo.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (114:31)

Marco Polo, yes.

Adam Carolla (114:32)

Two of the greatest white, two of the greatest explorers, two of the greatest mariners ever. And 10 seconds later, a bunch of fucking antifa people would show up and just fucking tear it down. Yeah, he should just. We won't know who it is from here. I don't know what Epstein's statue Looks like you know what I mean? Mean, just say I did. Maybe we should do. I don't know. Let's see. Let's pick who don't we like. Yeah. Who doesn't? The left. Like, I mean, I guess we could like St Peter frolicking with Christopher Columbus.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (115:20)

Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say anybody who is named after a lake is named after them currently. That's usually probably who the left.

Adam Carolla (115:27)

All right, we'll just pick those two put out there and Tifa shows up, tears it down that night. Okay.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (115:32)

I do like the detail in that statue though. They should have got that guy to do the Dwyane Wade statue outside of the. Cause that is brutal looking.

Adam Carolla (115:39)

But that's pretty cool. I was trying to think they didn't cast it out of bronze.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (115:44)

No.

Adam Carolla (115:44)

Cause each one would weigh two tons. Yeah, but did they use like CNC type programming, whatever. Like can you make this old stuff on a computer now and then rattle can it Bronz. You know, to spray paint it.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (116:00)

3D printing. They probably made this thing and then put it up. Yeah, that seems legit. Uh huh. I like that he came out right away and was like mad about holding hands with a dude. That's why I love Trump. He's like, I totally fuck Stormy Daniels and I don't hold hands with dudes. Okay. That's what I love about it.

Adam Carolla (116:18)

3D printed. Yeah, probably. There's also. There's a bad soccer statistic. Who's the bad soccer statue of? Oh, Ronaldo.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (116:30)

Ronaldo. Okay.

Adam Carolla (116:31)

There's a bad soccer Ronaldo statue. And by the way, you know, I don't know. Do you think they did that shit to like George Washington? Like, do we really know what George Washington looked like?

Heather Locklear (116:48)

Yeah.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (116:48)

You know, I remember having a picture in my having high school library and going, how do we all know exactly like that was the dude? Because they never showed him smiling because they said he had wooden teeth.

Adam Carolla (116:59)

Right.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (116:59)

I'm like, at some point, wouldn't those things rot out? Wouldn't you get an infection? Wouldn't you die from some sort of like medical condition by having wooden teeth?

Adam Carolla (117:07)

I feel like also he lived in a time where we had ivory and stuff and there were great Smiths, you know, that could carve out of alabaster and stuff. I don't know why he'd do it. A one out of one.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (117:21)

Oh Lordy, look at that. That's amazing. We could do that.

Adam Carolla (117:25)

Ronaldo looks like he's got down syndrome. Like if you take a Down syndrome guy and you give him A hot dog. And you tell him there's cheese inside of it. That's the look he makes when somebody.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (117:44)

Whoever was supposed to put this thing out, look at the guy who sculpted this and say, we gotta melt it down and start again. We can't put this out to the point public.

Adam Carolla (117:52)

I feel like with statues. Let me explain what a statue or carving or bronzing or a head, a bust. Here's the process. Nobody says, I would like you to build me a custom home. How long will it take? And then you go, well, it's going to take about 17 months. And I, I go, I'll be back in 17 months. In one day. You hit the job site like twice a month or every Friday. And you walk around and invariably the home, the person who's paying for it goes, ooh, ooh. Where are you going to put the tub? No, no, no, no tub. In the master suite. The tub goes in the guest suite or whatever. Tons of stuff. Everything from I don't want this outlet here to here's what I want my island to look like. But you can't just leave and come back when it's done because you're gonna open the front door and you're gonna see a bunch of shit you didn't really like that they did wrong. I feel like with statues, whoever the statue is of, they gotta show up once a week and sort of check progress or why don't we just get the Madame Tussauds wax house? You know, whoever's doing the wax house, the wax ones are dead nuts on. Every single time you literally see Kim Kardashian posing next to her wax museum pose and you can't tell which one is Kim Kardashian.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (119:26)

Yeah, I was gonna say they should start out. Cause I come from the land of butter sculptures. Start with the butter sculptures.

Adam Carolla (119:31)

Start with butter.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (119:32)

And then you take the plaster of Paris and form. And then you form from there. That way you know it's correct.

Adam Carolla (119:39)

Or you end up with and Aldo.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (119:41)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (119:41)

All right, what else you got?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (119:43)

Rhode island high school coach who made. Excuse me. Who did naked fat test. Sentenced to one year of probation. This happened on Monday. A judge sentenced a former high school basketball coach to a year of probation after he spent decades asking hundreds of male student athletes if they were shy or not before asking them to get naked so he could check. Check their body fat. Turns out that he was actually found not guilty on second degree child molestation and second degree sexual assault in a case that scrutinized the so called naked Fat test, but then was later given two counts of a lesser degree, two counts of misdemeanor battery. So throughout the nearly six week trial, defense attorneys for Thomas argued that the tests were wrong but not a crime.

Adam Carolla (120:26)

Well, once you get into your underpants, how much more do we need to see if you're fattering?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (120:34)

Yeah, we kind of know there's a lot. Everybody's wearing the V neck T shirts again and they are not quite as form fitting as they used to be. So a lot of dudes with tits out there walking around these days.

Adam Carolla (120:43)

Yeah, I think you can kind of tell through a dress shirt and the V form. You're right, the V form. There's also, there's dudes with titty syndrome, and then there's women with huge upper arm syndrome. And I'm like, could you pick a shirt that's a little more flattering for you? Because I can see your man titties from across the mall and I see that, that fucking Nate Newton upper arm from across the mall. And it's like there's such a thing as long sleeves or hoodies or things that don't accentuate this thing so much.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (121:16)

Wear dark, wear layers.

Adam Carolla (121:18)

That's right. Vertical stripes.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (121:19)

Yeah. My high school, up until about maybe two years, three years before I got there, they made the boys swim naked in class. Gym class. Naked.

Adam Carolla (121:28)

Really?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (121:29)

Yeah. And it was. We looked it up. There's a whole thing about it that was online. Hibbing High School, if you go Google it, you know, obviously be a little cautious about what you google. But yeah, they would let you. Or they made you swim naked. The boys had to swim naked up until, I think 11th grade, girls got to wear a suit. And then I think it was a few years before I got there, like the late 80s, early 90s is when they finally got rid of it.

Adam Carolla (121:51)

Really? Yeah. Dudes naked, but just with dudes.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (121:54)

Just with dudes, yeah. Yep. So they would actually, you know, folklore says that there was a bunch of dudes in swim clubs class that were doing the class and somebody did not lock the door. And there was a woman who opened it up and there was just a bunch of dudes standing on the edge of the pool naked. So after that is when they started chaining and barring the door so nobody could walk in. And there used to be these big giant curtains that if they weren't pulled back, you could see right into the lunchroom. So if there was a little sliver of daylight, you could stick your eyes up to the glass and basically see these Kids naked.

Adam Carolla (122:29)

You know, I started. Well, I don't know if we talked about this, but there's something going on because I have found myself as an old dude walking through the locker room at the spa, dropping the towel, getting naked and getting in. And every guy's wearing trunks now. Like, guys, first off, there was no such thing back in the day. Day being in the men's side of the spa, in the locker room, wearing trunks in a Jacuzzi, and there was no trunks in the sauna, no trunks in the steam room. There was like, you know, you might have the towel wrapped around you. You drop the towel and slide into the whatever. But guys are modest now. Like, that's a whole new vibe. And I don't know, is it. Is there something weird going on with dudes? Are the peckers getting smaller now with the testosterone levels going down and this sperm production going down and guys getting, like, chubbier? You know, when guys get chubby, there's more circulating estrogen because it makes your dick smaller. Like, essentially. So is it guys being self conscious and, like, having a small pecker and being kind of chubby now? Like, what. What is. Or is it a social thing?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (123:50)

Maybe? There was also the stories that came out of, you know, that gal who was, like, a social influencer, and she took pictures of that naked elderly woman in the women's locker room. And I think the caption said something. If I have to look at it, so do you. And then posted them online, I think.

Adam Carolla (124:05)

Oh, right.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (124:06)

Yeah. So maybe there's like a little bit of sort of. You're a little afraid that maybe there's some sort of camera, something lurking. You're not really sure. Sure. But speaking of that, I was watching the new Superman. I was watching the new Superman on the flight yesterday, and Lex Luthor, the dude who plays Lex Luthor, probably the same age as Gene Hackman when they both filmed their Superman's Gene Hackman's voice substantially deeper than the dude who plays Lex Luthor.

Adam Carolla (124:32)

Now. Interesting.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (124:32)

Everybody else. And I was like, wow, that's. I mean, even my voice is so much higher than some of the other guys that are, you know, probably 10 years older than me.

Adam Carolla (124:40)

Right. Interesting. Yeah. Could be a lot of microplastics.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (124:44)

Absolutely.

Adam Carolla (124:45)

But you're right, could be. Who wants to be filmed naked? Yeah, I got a good gym dick, so I don't care. As I was talking to the Jillian about, yeah, Gene Hackman is 48 while filming Superman.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (125:00)

Oh, the first one. Okay. And how old's the dude That's So he must be, like, in his 40s now. I can't remember the guy's name.

Adam Carolla (125:05)

How was Superman at? I didn't see it.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (125:08)

Younger than that. Well, but still, Gene Hackman's voice couldn't have gotten that much deeper. Between the ages of, like, 29 and 48, I imagine. It's good. It's, you know, it's one of. It's so CGI'd and. But the story's good and it's fun and it's got some great jokes in it. And, you know, it's James Gunn, so you can't really go wrong.

Adam Carolla (125:25)

Yeah, I like James.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (125:26)

Yeah, it's great.

Adam Carolla (125:27)

All right, one more.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (125:27)

One last one here. All right, so video of this. Tom Brady makes some comments. He's receiving a lot of criticism for a statement he made on the air during. During the Cowboys Bears game after Cowboys wide receiver George Pickens repeatedly slammed his helmet into the ground.

Adam Carolla (125:42)

Arms and picks not happy. Ah, yeah, those helmets can be. It's like the dog at home. Time out on the field. Wow. Kick.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (125:56)

Kick the dog.

Adam Carolla (125:57)

Throw the helmet, whatever it is.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (126:01)

So kick the dog.

Adam Carolla (126:02)

You know, I always think about this stuff when people go, oh, people are upset. I go, no, they're not. No, they're not. They're just fucking talking. No one gives a shit. Yeah, it's a weird thing because I do see the TMZ chicks, because he shouldn't be able to. And it's. Oh, shut up, bitch. Just shut up. There's real problems. Tom Brady doesn't kick his dog. He said kick the dog. He doesn't kick his dog.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (126:23)

It's a phrase. It's what people would say, you know, and until he shows up to game day wearing a coat made of 101 Dalmatians like Cruella de Vi, I'm going to go ahead and just give this a pass and just say. He was just saying. Making a phrase. That is a very common phrase when you're frustrated.

Adam Carolla (126:39)

He should lean into it. He should go. That quarterback's more mobile than Mike Vick. I have not seen a guy who had a canon Michael Vick cannon for an arm more mobile than anybody else in the league at the time. Mike Vick, people talk about him as a mobile quarterback. Great man. He's a great, great man. Humanitarian. NFL player of the year. Man of the year. We got the Walter Payton man of the year in 91. A lot of people don't remember that. As a matter of fact, geez, what time is it? Because I got to get going. I'm going to meet Mike Vick. We're going out for cocktails. And then it's off to his backyard where he said he just wanted to give me a tour of the kennel.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (127:20)

Oh, he just sent me a text. What up, dog? I can meet you at 5. I got to get blowing, guys. I'm sorry about that.

Adam Carolla (127:26)

Yep.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (127:27)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You read the stories about people that were upset about it. They said one lady was like, oh, kick the dog, Tom. Don't you have a pooch? Someone else wrote, you have some explaining and apologizing to do.

Adam Carolla (127:41)

I do love the people with the amount of time that they have. Look, I got two. I got my life, everybody. That's all. I. I got two hampers. One is a hamper filled with fucking troublemakers who don't pay taxes, who cause crime, who spit their gum out on hot sidewalks, who just. All the stuff who let their dog shits on your lawn and they don't pick it up. And then there's another hamper, and those are the taxpayers and the job creators. Tom Brady is in the happy hamper. You understand? Yeah, he's in the good hamper. I give people. What has Tom Brady paid in taxes? His life.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (128:28)

I couldn't even imagine. I mean, well into the millions, probably more than what I make a year.

Adam Carolla (128:33)

I imagine he has. I'm going to say that Tom Brady has paid well over $100 million in taxes quite easily in his youngish time on this planet. So, so far. So he's not part of the problem. There are other people been arrested 61 times who are getting the court appointed, whatever. They're in the other hamper. And once you're in this hamper, I don't really have time for you. I don't bust your chops. He's a fucking taxpayer who loves his kids. I'm done with him. Charity work. What have you never have enough energy to go, I gotta settle this guy's hash.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (129:09)

Yeah. Do not now family members. Sometimes I always think about it. We had a conversation the other day where I said that my family was talking about to be a civil war.

Adam Carolla (129:18)

200 million is the conservative estimate.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (129:24)

No way, man. That is worth it. How much he's paid?

Adam Carolla (129:26)

How much he's paid? Get out. Oh, well, you pay a lot in this country, so if you made a lot of money, you're going to pay a lot of taxes.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (129:36)

Man, I'm so glad I'm broke. I will never pay anywhere near any of that. But I'm also not the guy who complains about these guys, I sort of empathize with him and go, if it wasn't for guys like you and people in your position, I would have no career whatsoever.

Adam Carolla (129:51)

That's right, yeah. What were you saying about a family member?

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (129:53)

Oh, so we were talking. My family said, well, they're gonna cause a civil war. The civil war is coming. And I said, have you guys not been online? We're not fighting on a battlefield. We're fighting on social media. That is our civil war. We put down guns and we're picking up keyboards, and that's where the civil war is happening.

Adam Carolla (130:08)

Fighting on Starbucks coffee cups. That's the battlefield. We're using Sharpies, bayonets, retarded people. All right, you can go to AdamCroll.com for all the live shows. Heather and Jillian got themselves a podcast. What do you want? And it's coming out on Friday. Rudy, what dates we got for you this weekend? Reno. Laugh factor. That's a cool place. Yeah.

Co-host/Producer (possibly Dawson) (130:37)

Going to Reno this weekend. And then, please, October 3rd, I'm going to be back in northern Minnesota. I'm going to be at Jack Jenkins in Jenkins, Minnesota. Snarky loon brewing. It's a veteran owned brewery. These guys are great. I can't wait to come back to Minnesota. So please check it out. Go to Rudy povichcomedy.com get some tickets. We'd love to see you guys there.

Adam Carolla (130:54)

And Rudy is funny, as I've mentioned before. So till next time, Sam. For Rudy and Jillian and Heather saying mahalo.

Show Announcer (131:06)

Pick up your phone and leave us a voice mail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla at AdamCola.com.

Commercial Voice (131:22)

This September. CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto TV. I'm coming in hot for this month only. You can watch full seasons of the CBS shows you love. From the courtroom drama of the Matlock to the heroics of fire country, go back to where it all began in NCIS origins or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv. Stream now pay never. This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto tv. I'm coming in hot for this month only. You can watch full seasons of the CBS shows you love. From the courtroom drama of Matlock to the heroics of fire country, go back to where it all began in NCIS Origins or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv. Stream. Now pay never.