Sonny and Natalia + Rich DeMuro (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Sonny and Natalia + Rich DeMuro (Carolla Classics)

Date: May 17, 2026
Podcast Network: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
Featured Guests: Rich DeMuro (tech reporter), Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, Sonny & Natalia, Andrew (documentary assistant)

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode offers a blend of signature Carolla banter: comedic rants about everyday irritations, pop culture, productivity, nostalgia, and an extended, insightful tech segment with KTLA’s Rich DeMuro. The episode revisits vintage moments (the food quirks of staffers like Andrew), takes calls from listeners, features Carolla’s takes on TV and movie logic, and addresses the personal and legal challenges around patent trolls in podcasting.
The central themes across both the “classic” and “modern” segments revolve around:

• Embracing the “journey” of life & projects (vs. instant rewards)
• Tech innovation and phone durability
• The reality of “systems” (legal, patent, and social) that reward bad actors
• The quirks of nostalgia and TV tropes
• Food behavior as a window into personality
  All of this, as always, is laced with Carolla group’s trademark sarcasm and honesty.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

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1. The Carvana Car Sale & “No Catch” Anxiety

[00:00–01:13]

• Adam Carolla shares selling a car on Carvana with no issues—something that leaves the crew suspicious because “nothing in life goes this smoothly.”
• Rich DeMuro jokes, “That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes as smoothly.” [00:10]
• Cracking jokes about needing to “knock on wood” (laminate in the studio suffices).
• Playful riffing about how life is supposed to have a catch or “fees may apply.”

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2. Revisiting Sitcom Tropes & 70s/80s Family TV

[02:23–10:00]

• Allison Rosen shares she’s feeling ill (“serious menstrual cramps. Girlfriend” [02:23]), which leads to comic speculation on how Adam would handle menstruation (“I would be the cuntiest of all cunts if I… had something coming out of me…” [02:39]).
• Extended riffing on sitcom logic:
  • The “playing with your food” trope on sitcoms, which Adam points out never happens in real life. [04:20–07:29]
  • Discusses TV pacing then vs. now; 70s sitcoms lack multiple plotlines or realism.
  • Compares the “Brady Bunch” fantasy with his own messy, chaotic childhood (“sofas with sheets over them instead of nice furniture…” [08:10]).
• Adam: “I felt better about myself seeing Roots rather than seeing Brady Bunch. Because when I saw the Brady Bunch, I was like, oh, we don’t resemble this at all. This fucking sucks.” [09:37]

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3. The Zen of the Journey: Productivity, Projects & Self-worth

[10:22–18:03]

• Explores why people avoid starting big projects (book, car restoration) because they dread the journey, not the destination.
• Adam: “If you could embrace the journey, then all this stuff would just come to them.” [12:31]
• Allison reflects: “The journey and the struggle, that’s what life is… if you can enjoy that, how wonderful.” [14:51]
• Adam rants against “magic wand” solutions: “The biggest joke you could play on somebody is give them a magic wand… You would have zero self-esteem. You would feel like just an empty space.” [15:29, 17:14]
• How accomplishment is tied to effort, not just outcomes.

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4. Practical Productivity & Tackling Life’s Little Tasks

[18:03–24:41]

• Adam advises: when you notice a small mess or unfinished task, just “do it now.”
• Example: replacing an impractical antique bathroom vanity (“The bathroom is all business. That’s the engine room of your house.” [21:05]).
• The lesson: don’t suffer years of minor daily annoyance—make the change already!

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5. Patent Trolls, Jay Leno, and Fighting Back

[27:45–33:29+]

• Carolla recounts the battle with “patent trolls” suing his podcast, the massive legal costs ($500,000+), and the emotional toll.
• Jay Leno called to offer support, which led to plans for a benefit concert (“bring a pillowcase worth of cash over…” [28:54]).
• Adam vows not to settle (“Personal Audio, you picked on the wrong motherfucker. Bring it, bitch.” [29:51]).
• Brian Bishop on being sued: “It’s kind of a badge of honor… you’ve arrived.” [33:14]

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6. “Baldiwood” Movie Review: Transformers 4, Product Placement & Critics

[35:35–46:51]

• Brian reviews “Transformers: Age of Extinction”:
  • Overly long, Mark Wahlberg leads a dull subplot, not as bad as critics say.
  • Critics’ bias: “They’re giving [M. Night Shyamalan] a D minus before they even see the movie” ([38:29]).
  • Product placement is out of hand: Mark Wahlberg drinks a Bud Light mid-chase ([41:20–42:24]).
  • Networks’ inconsistent rules about cigarettes, beer in movies and TV.
• Dinobots: the most exciting part, but only appear in the film’s last ten minutes.

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7. Listener Calls: Dating in the Social Media Era & Dad Meals

[50:31–60:05]

• A listener asks for advice on connecting with a Facebook friend. Adam: the virtual risk is “no big whoop.”
• Dad meal nostalgia: Adam’s favorite indulgence is a chicken pot pie over a mound of rice—“that is fucking savory.” [55:47]
• Extended riffing on comfort foods and what weekly menus would look like in a “no health effects” fantasy world.

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8. Tech Deep-Dive with Rich DeMuro: Phone Upgrades & Durability Debate

[61:28–71:55+]

• Tech trends: iPhone 6, new iPads, Android L, iOS updates ([61:44]).
• Adam rails against “tech snobs” who scoff at his old phone. Rich responds: “It’s just a phone and it works.”
• The long-running debate: why do iPhones break so easily? Is it really accidental or by design?
  • Rich: “If they made it more grippy, it might not fall as much. But then it’s hard to get out of your pocket.” [66:04]
  • The economics of selling cases vs. making stronger hardware.
  • Rich’s drop tests: 6 drops on concrete before an iPhone broke.
• Adam: “If they wanted it to not fall out of everyone’s hands, could they do something about it?... It’s a problem that’s not being addressed.” [66:26]

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9. TV Tech: 3D, 4K, the Trouble with “Hyper-Real” HD

[72:07–74:31]

• DeMuro discusses the next-gen TVs: 3D as an optional feature; 4K (ultra HD) is here.
• Adam: “Julie Chen is not that hot. For 56…” [73:14] (on the downside of HD for celebrities).
• The odd “hyper-reality” of newer movies (120Hz refresh rate) distracts rather than delights.

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10. Patent Law & Vexatious Litigants

[75:13–81:29]

• Rich DeMuro explains the difference between valuable patents and “trolls” who never create, only sue.
• Analogized to a local California case: a nanny who squats in someone’s home and manipulates the law.
• Vexatious litigant list: if you file enough abusive lawsuits, you get on a judge’s radar ([79:29]).
• Carolla: “Patent trolls, as you’ve said, aren’t doing anything with the patent except for doing what the nanny’s doing.” [81:16]

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11. Broader Discussion of Patent Reform & Systemic Costs

[92:05–96:57]

• Allison Rosen reports on the appointment of an industry insider to run the U.S. Patent Office.
• Adam: “I expect zero out of [the government]. And not only zero, less than zero.”
• Rich: Patent lawsuits drive up costs for everyone, whether in iPhones or prescription medicine ([95:09]).

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12. Listener Callbacks & Classic “Will Andrew Eat It?”

[117:08+]

• The return of “Will Andrew Eat It?”—a game where Adam’s documentary assistant, Andrew, reveals his comically limited (and child-like) palate:
  • Eats Cheerios mixed with Frosted Cheerios for lunch; avoids burritos, olives, croissants, pie, and even cheese on pizza.
  • “I only drink water.” [119:54]
  • “I ate the same lunch every day from first grade straight through 10th or 11th grade: saltines with peanut butter in between.” [123:16]
  • Staffers guess which foods Andrew would eat; most are surprised.
  • His favorite “exotic” food? “Milkshakes (on Fun Fridays).” [153:20]
• Andrew’s approach to work: no ego, always implements Carolla’s notes without complaint, which Adam says is the right way to move up in life and avoids “passive aggressive” traps that slow teams.

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13. Parenting, Passive-Aggressiveness, and “The Do It Now” Lesson

[159:35–177:00]

• Everyone involved in creative projects should just do what is asked, as long as it makes sense.
• Adam rants against “a little bit passive aggressive” behaviors that plague many people.
• Impromptu parenting lesson: “If you plug in your devices every night, you’ll never wake up with a dead phone.”
• Repeats his key life lesson: act immediately when you spot a fixable issue.

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14. Extended News Segment: Pop Culture, Politics, and Society’s Oddities

[190:29+]

• SNL sketch with Bernie Sanders, reflections on political “truthiness.”
• Discussion on money in politics and how advertising and campaign finance wars have lost much relevance in the internet age.
• Riffs on LA infrastructure, mayors using jazz bands to announce freeway closures.
• Adam critiques obesity and graduation rates at LA schools (controversially insistent on the need for honest discussion).
• NFL owners’ largesse and family drama before the Super Bowl.
• Awkward GOP debate walk-ons (Ben Carson not hearing his name, causing confusion on national TV—hilarious audio recap).
• Adam expresses appreciation for honesty and genuineness in society—“people want the truth these days, in everything.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If I had a magic wand, I would have zero self-esteem. You’d be the only guy being blown on a 200 foot yacht with zero self-esteem.” – Adam Carolla [17:14]

• “Patent trolls—they should be called ‘Nothing Personal’—I just... sue to make money. That’s what we do.” – Adam Carolla [32:07]

• “If you could embrace the journey, then all this stuff would just come to them.” – Adam Carolla [12:31]

• “Why live with a shitty bathroom vanity for two years? Just change it now.” – Adam Carolla [24:41]

• “I only drink water.” – Andrew (documentary assistant) [119:54]

• “I ate the same lunch every day... saltines with a little bit of peanut butter in between.” – Andrew [123:16]

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Detailed Time Stamps for Key Segments

• Carvana Discussion & “No Catch” Anxiety: [00:00–01:13]
• Sitcom Logic & Nostalgia: [02:23–10:00]
• Embracing the Journey in Projects: [10:22–18:03]
• “Do It Now” Productivity Riff: [18:03–24:41]
• Patent Trolls Legal Drama: [27:45–33:29]
• Baldiwood Movie Review: [35:35–46:51]
• Listener Calls/Dad Meals: [50:31–60:05]
• Rich DeMuro Tech & Phone Durability: [61:28–71:55]
• Patent Law Explained: [75:13–81:29]
• News/Pop Culture Segment: [190:29+]
• “Will Andrew Eat It?” Food Game: [117:08+]

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Conclusion

This episode is a classic blend of Carolla’s comedic philosophy, sharp takes on life and work, debates about tech, pop culture, and personal responsibility, with real moments of empathy and insight about why people avoid change or action. The food quirks of staffer Andrew provide comic relief, while larger debates about society, law, and innovation keep the conversation engaging.
For longtime fans, the episode is rich with callbacks, running gags ("sell your car on Carvana!"), and trademark rants. For new listeners, it’s a perfect sampler of what makes The Adam Carolla Show the “#1 Downloaded Daily Podcast in the World”—unfiltered, smart, funny, and sneakily insightful.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

I sold my car in Carvana last night.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's cool.

[Rich Demuro]

No, you don't understand.

[Adam Carolla]

It went perfectly.

[Rich Demuro]

Real offer down to the penny.

[Adam Carolla]

They're picking it up tomorrow.

[Rich Demuro]

Nothing went wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

So what's the problem?

[Rich Demuro]

That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes as smoothly.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm waiting for the catch. Maybe there's no catch.

[Rich Demuro]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. You need to relax.

[Rich Demuro]

I need to knock on wood. Do we have wood?

[Adam Carolla]

Is this table wood?

I think it's laminate. Okay.

Yeah, that's good.

[Rich Demuro]

That's close enough.

[Brian Bishop]

Car selling without a catch.

[Adam Carolla]

Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up.

[Brian Bishop]

Fees may apply. This message is brought to you by Apple Card.

[Adam Carolla]

Apple Card is a no fee credit

[Brian Bishop]

card that you can apply for right

[Adam Carolla]

from the Wallet app on your iPhone,

[Brian Bishop]

subject to credit approval. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 17.49% to 27.74% based on creditworthiness rates as of January 1, 2026. Existing customers can view their variable APR in the Wallet app or@Card apple.com, apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City Branch terms and [e-mail] Foreign.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Corolla show. If you like access to the Adam Corolla show archive all over 4200 episodes. We make sure to check out Adam Carolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com There you'll get exclusive access to the ad free archives, the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the podcast Beat It Out. If you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsamcurla.com all right, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Crolla Show 1358 featuring Brian's buddy Rich Demiro, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream. Now pay. Never. Good day. Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Serious menstrual cramps. Girlfriend.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Allison Rosen]

Quite possibly the worst I've ever had in my whole life. I might fall over.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd be a mess.

So you're pregnant?

[Allison Rosen]

No. Yeah. Good news, you guys, or bad? I'm not pregnant. Severely not. I think my whole uterus is falling out.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. I would be the cuntiest of all cunts if I got. I walk around sort of that way anyway, you know? No, don't. Listen. Look, I know you're on the payroll.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You're a little cunty.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm. I'm. I am easily bothered in general.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You're generally fairly premenstrual.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But if I actually was. If I had something coming out of me, I just think. I think they'd have to lock me. I think they'd have to do what?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, in the old days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Now I was thinking, like, what they do with the Hulk or something. They just put him in that role.

There's not much you can do.

Well, I know, but I'm saying they put me in, like, you know, Cool Hand Luke's sweat box or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. A great escape, I think.

Oh, that's right.

Either way, I'd go in the hole for, like, three days, and you'd be

[Allison Rosen]

like, no matter what I say, no matter how much I ask to be released, don't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

As I understand it, it's less the bleeding and more the bloating and the cramps and the headaches and all that.

[Allison Rosen]

I understand I look fat. I've been told bleeding is just annoying. You don't actually feel that? It's the cramp. Yeah, it's the. Well, for me, it's the cramps.

[Adam Carolla]

The fuck.

[Allison Rosen]

And the headache and dizziness and sweatiness.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

It's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Let's see. I had some. I was watching, you know. You know, I'm sort of obsessed with the stuff, the sitcom activities from the 70s. That just doesn't take place anymore. Like souffle humor and things like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all. I watch, like, four episodes of the Brady Bunch. I marvel at how horrible that show is.

You watched it recently?

Yeah, last night. And just how simple and horrible it is. Like, there's not an A plot line and a B plot line and a C plot line. There's barely a fucking A plot line. It's just, you know, Marsh is running for student body president, and that's. That's it? That's just the episode.

[Allison Rosen]

Notice it's so. The pacing is so slow compared to anything we're used to now.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's nothing going on and half the time the other kids aren't even in it. They just sort of pick an episode. This one's about Peter and Peter's writing for the school newspaper and then that'll be about it. You don't have to worry about Jan and Bobby on this one. They do almost nothing. It's a fucking pile of shit. But they have every cliche 70s sitcom gag in there. And this not played for laughs, but every 70s sitcom and TV show for that matter had this scene. The person was sitting at the dinner table and they were just sort of playing with their food and sort of just moving it around with their fork. And at some point somebody would say, bobby, what's the matter? And I started thinking about it.

First off, that's the inciting incident.

This made me fucking irate as a kid because I was always starving. There was never anything to eat. And I wish I had some Salisbury steak to play with and mashed potatoes and just sort of shuffle around my plate and look off with that 5,000 yard stare like you're like, they're starving

kids in North Hollywood who'd kill to have that plate.

I wanted that fucking Bobby's plate. Some nice gravy and some biscuits. And they just. And it's like, what's the problem, sweetie? And they'd always like kind of push the plate away from and go.

[Allison Rosen]

And maybe this is a personal thing, but since when has being upset affected anyone's appetite?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, I'm really pissed off. Somebody get me a fifth of scotch and some Haagen Dazs and we're going to Shakey's.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, that's the whole point. Let's bury our feelings in Mojo potatoes. That push them aside, you know, and then that move. Then they'd push the plate out in front of them and they go, what's wrong? And they go, I guess I'm just not very hungry. No, I'm always hungry. I'm always in a bad mood. And that's never slowed me down from if, by the way, if I couldn't eat when I was in a bad mood, I'd be emaciated, Right? And I would have died years ago with Karen. I would have died before Karen Carpenter.

When did koala get aids?

Yes, that's what it'd be. I look like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

[Allison Rosen]

I actually, my dad is One of those people who, if he's upset, he completely loses his appetite. I long to be that kind of person versus the other.

[Adam Carolla]

But I still. I still contend that no one has just played with their food and then had somebody ask them what's wrong with them, Especially kids. Kids are hungry after running around all

[Allison Rosen]

day, and they're also willing to tell you what's wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you don't have to really pull

[Brian Bishop]

it out of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not like, well, I'd like to tell my mom I'm being bullied at school, but instead I'm just gonna send a message via the mashed potatoes. And then that'll open a line of communication. When she sees me taking these mashed potatoes and going nuts on them, like Richard Dreyfuss and Close Encounters, eventually she's gonna ask, what's wrong? And then we're gonna broach this whole bully thing.

[Allison Rosen]

It'll take 28 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

It was one of those things I'm convinced was born in a sitcom and was then spread to other sitcoms, because it started in a sitcom, but it never started in real life. Like Seinfeld started in real life and then went to a sitcom. There was all these things that just happen in sitcoms that never really happen in real life. And I say, playing with your food and staring off into the distance and going, I'm not hungry. I don't think it ever existed other than in a sitcom.

[Allison Rosen]

Storming out is another one. Have you ever seen someone storm out in real life when they. I've seen it once, and it seemed like you're dormant television kicking the person

[Adam Carolla]

in the shin who's telling the wrong story when it's clearly in front of the person they're talking to. And then the person going, ow. And them not acknowledging that, yes, there's a million of those. And all you have to do is watch the Brady Bunch. And they're horrible. They're just horrible. But also, I realized just how deep my depression was when I was 10 years old and I was watching the Brady Bunch because my house was a fucking chaotic, dirty, weird mess filled with unkempt people who were depressed and staring at the ground, who wouldn't shave their underarms, things like that. Just everything was sort of, you know, sofas with sheets over them instead of nice furniture stuff. And, you know, when you watch the Brady Bunch, it'd just be like, bobby, Cindy, it's time for dinner. And they'd come running down these long stairways all sort of put together. And when time for dinner. When's dinner? And then they'd show these. You know, they'd Show Alice and Mrs. Brady in the kitchen together, and they both had paring knives, and they were over a big boiling pot. And it's like, when's Mr. Brady coming home? Well, he's coming home. He should be home in half an hour. Well, the stew should be ready just in time. And I realized I would get depressed watching that. And we always do this thing where it's like, well, you need positive. No, you don't. You need negative models to make me. I felt rude. I saw Roots. I felt better. I felt better about myself seeing Roots rather than seeing Brady Bunch. Because when I saw the Brady Bunch, I was like, oh, we don't resemble this at all. This fucking sucks. Nobody's cooking. There's no Alice. There's nobody with a paring knife in my kitchen right now better than you. Yes, my mom is checking her biorhythm wheel and screaming freak out in her bedroom right now with her mattress on the floor.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, arguably, lives are a lot better and easier for us, let's say now, than years and years and years ago. And yet I feel like if you were to survey people, so many people are unhappy and unsatisfied. And sometimes I do wonder how much is it because we're comparing ourselves to this completely unrealistic thing that's been handed to us as this is what life is supposed to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Deep.

I think. I think. Well, it's something I wanted to get into yesterday, which is something I was getting into with Dr. Drew when we were doing our podcast the other day, which was not being intimidated or put off by the journey, sort of embracing the journey part of a project. Which is to say, when you look at restoring a car or restoring a house or writing a book or doing anything, you sort of look at the end project. Now you. You see where it is now. You see the car, it's all covered with rust. Oh. And you start thinking about, what's it going to take? Oh, we're going to have to pull the engine, we're going to have to pull the transmission. They're going to have to be sent. They need to be rebuilt. Everything's going to have to be blast sandblasted to get all the rust off it. And who knows, we can even salvage that fender. And you just sort of stare at it and you go, man, I really want a shiny red convertible with brand new chrome and a brand. Oh, that would be sweet. That would be sweet. But what I don't want is the part where I get covered in grease, pulling the engine out, doing all the shit work. Or you're doing a house. You know, when I bought my first house, it was a complete disaster. And all I could think about is, won't it be sweet one day when it's all painted and fixed up and I'm living in here and there's central air and it's gonna be awesome. Right now it's a termite infested fucking disaster zone. And all I could think about is what a pain in the ass it was. Now I realize for people like, let's say my mom, the journey was so devastating that she would never embark upon it. Because you look at that car that needs to be completely rebuilt and you look at that house that needs to be completely rebuilt, or the book that needs to be written and you go, 350 pages, how am I ever going to. And then the journey there, there's. There is so much there. There's so much dread wrapped up in the journey that you never embark on the journey. You do want the outcome, which is the shiny red car or the house with the air conditioning blowing through the docks, but you just don't want to get into the journey. What I would ask if people could embrace the journey, then all this stuff would just come to them. Meaning instead of going, I wish I could blink my eyes and skip ahead a year and have this car done. Instead, go. I'm gonna, like, now I'm not gonna like every aspect of it, and I'm not gonna call it fun. It's going to be expensive, it's going to be time consuming, but it's going to be satisfying. And I want to dig into this. Like, I embrace this. No, you know, we. We have this thing where we think that people who embark in this like it. They don't really like it. Nobody likes hard work. Yeah, I mean, nobody likes taking a wire brush and scrubbing rust off a fender or taking undercoating off the bottom of a car. It's not enjoyable. It's the journey. They like the journey and getting people into the journey and. Yes, I'm talking about the band. I hope I'm not being confusing here.

What do you think we think you meant?

I just realized there's some listeners that may think I'm using it as a metaphor. No, I'm talking about the band who made that sexy video on the pier in San Francisco.

Separate ways.

Super sexy. I mean, what, they must have a lot of money wrapped up into that. So Getting people involved in the journey and not intimidated by the journey. Because what happens is you just look at a house, and I would have it. Like, when I would rebuild one of my houses, people would come in when it was halfway done, and they'd go, oh, my God, I wouldn't even know where to start. Oh, my God. How do you even. Oh, my God, this is so much work. Oh, you have so. And you had to go, well, we've come so far. Yeah, but there's so much more work to do. The kitchen doesn't even have an appliance in it yet. You know, it's like that part of, oh, my God, we gotta get that. You gotta get that out of your kids and out of you. That journey part is the part they should be eager to roll their sleeves up and get to work. Look, and I'm not just talking about home remodeling. I'm just talking about writing a book, making a documentary, getting an advanced degree, whatever it is.

[Allison Rosen]

It's so surprisingly Zen of you, in a way. And if you think about it, the journey and the struggle, that's what life is. When you, you know, however many years you have, far less than a fifth are actually those moments we're talking about it being finished. Like the fabric of your life is trying to get to something. And if you can enjoy that, how wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

Going deep with Allison Rosen today.

You know, again, not to pick on the words, but it's not even enjoy. Just get satisfaction from. Embark on. Not be buried by it or. Yeah. Or intimidated by. And here's your choices. If you have that old car that you've always wanted to fix up, you can stare at it while it sits and winks at you every time you open your garage door, letting you know just what a fucking loser you are as you go walk past it and go to the washer, dryer, whatever. There's two choices. There's that choice where it just sits there and it's a constant, quiet, slow drip of what a loser you are. It's a little like methadone loser drip you put in your arm. You don't think about it. You don't think, you think about it. But every time you open that garage door and it's sitting there and another year's gone by, you get just a little extra shot of loser and a little further away from finishing that project. But the alternative would be, you have a magic wand, or Ty Pennington and his band of carpenters pull the bus up in front of your house and fix it all up in one week with an army of volunteers. How good that. That shouldn't feel good to you either. You know, I mean, like this whole thing. And so our next mode is like, well, the house is falling apart. I don't want to embark on the journey because I'm not up to the journey. But wouldn't it be awesome if Ty Pennington swung by with all his experts and did it for me? Now, I mean, you do get a finished house, but that wears off pretty quick. Like, I do believe the biggest joke you could play on somebody is give them a magic wand and say all you have to do is shake it at the car and it'll be brand new like that. Or that girl down the bar, she'll fall in love with you. Just, you would have zero self esteem. You would feel like just an empty space.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, amazing life, but zero self esteem.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't deserve all this.

Yeah, you'd be the only guy being blown on a 200 foot yacht with zero self esteem.

[Allison Rosen]

How empty that was in the Caribbean.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd hate to give that a shot.

I think you might kill yourself. I really do. I really do think after a number of years with your magic wand, you would kill yourself.

[Allison Rosen]

Trust fund kids that are super unhappy, like they never worked for anything handed to them. It doesn't mean anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, here's an actual pragmatic productivity question. Because I have the thing where there's all these projects I feel like I should be embarking on and then I'll think about starting one and then I get bogged down with, oh, but really I should be doing. I know I should be doing this and no, I should be doing this. And it's like, I think for a lot of people who get stymied, they have a number of things they should be doing. So how do you prioritize?

[Adam Carolla]

It is, you know, the first thing you do is you think to yourself, if you notice it, if you see it, if it's in your purview, if you're. Because we all do this probably 35 times a day. You're walking down the hall, you see like something, some flip flops or something sitting in the hall and you sort of look at it for a beat and you go, oh, those don't belong there. Those should be in the closet. Or I should put those back in Natalie's room or just whatever it is. There's a million of those. There's. I wrote in the book, you get in your car and you see the commuter mug sort of rolling around the well, where the passenger. Where your passenger would put their feet. And you kind of. There's a part of you that sees it for beat where you just look at it and you go, oh, there it is. And then you go back to something. Well, I'll get. I'll tend to that next time. Yeah, when I come around tomorrow, when I come out, I'll come through the passenger side. No, when you're walking down that hall of life and you see the proverbial flip flops or whatever it is that's just sitting there, and it's always something. There's always gonna be something. Sometimes it's as easy as just, you know, a shirt, a dress shirt or something that's draped over a dining room chair where you took it off the night before or something. And you always will see it. Like, you'll always go, oh, there's that shirt. What's that doing there? Like, I'll do that. When I do, O'Reilly, I have to wear a jacket and a shirt. And it'll come off, and it'll get draped over the back of the sofa. It's supposed to go on a hanger in the closet, but it gets draped on the sofa, and I'll walk past it 25 times, and it'll sit there for a week, and then somebody or I will. But here's what you should start doing. When you see it, go right now. You noticed it now. Go do it now. It's in your mind. It's right now. Don't argue with yourself. Don't fucking get into this battle. You're not gonna dive a massive coronary in the next 31 hours. Like, the thing's gonna be there. You're gonna put it in the closet. You are now thinking about it. Go do it now. So just get in the habit of physically. Just do it now. You notice something, do it now. You see something, do it now. It's almost like you're just sort of walking down the street and you just see a can, like, in the street, and you go, huh? Someone should pick that up and put it in a recycling or whatever. And then you kind of look at it a little more, and then you kind of look around. Then you look down and don't go through that. Just pick it up and throw it away. Just go. It doesn't take that much effort. Start with that. Then start working your way into a slightly larger, more global theme, which is. I moved into a house, and the bathroom vanity was one of those vanities that everyone thought was cool. It's a move where somebody finds a piece of furniture and goes, oh, we could put a countertop on there and a sink in there, and it'd make a cool. It's an antique, you know, and it's a. Oh, it's got a sort of Persian look to it. It was a vanity or a hutch or something.

A task from the 1920s.

Right? But we'll put a Fuck that. Fuck that. Now, that's fine for the entry hall, but for the fucking bathroom. The bathroom is all fucking business. That is the engine room of your house. That ain't the Lido deck, bitch. That is the fucking engine room. That's business. And my wife and I, Lynette and I moved in, and it was like, oh, great. You know, it's got the fucking thing and it's all the corbels and all the thing. But meanwhile, the drawers are hard to pull out. There's no sliders on them. You know, they're not full extension accuride slides. They're just slides that they just sort of come out on their wood rail. And if you get it from further than 50, 50 starts to wilt, you know, and everything's sticky and dark and weird, and the thing's a little too high, and I can't pee. I mean, it's uncomfortable for Lynette to brush her teeth. The point is this. I just looked at this thing, and I went like, ah, fuck this. And then I realized, this ain't the kind of thing that we're gonna be dealing with twice a month. It's every multiple times, every day, every fucking morning and every night, and who knows in between? And so I said, look, I got to deal with this.

[Allison Rosen]

Did it come with the house or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it came with the house. And the chick who did the house thought, oh, isn't this beautiful? And it's like, yeah, it's cool. Looks good in photographs. But practically, it's a fucking disaster. Like, again, the drawers, like, you know that shitty old wooden drawer that doesn't pull out, it's too high. The countertop was made out of, like, black marble, and so your toothpaste stains would just sort of stick out on it. It was just. It looked like shit. It was done in, like, a his and hers, but had this big V pie wedge taken out of the middle of it so you couldn't set anything. It's just. It was all show and no, no go.

Well, think about it philosophically, too. How do you. How do you want. How is that? You don't want that to be the way you start and finish your day. Having thought of, I hate this thing right now.

Nobody, nobody on the. Nobody on. And occasion in the middle of the night, you drank too much, you got to take a brush, a tooth, you got to take a breath brushing it too.

We know what you meant.

Yeah. Now I'm the fucking busiest guy on this planet right now. I have a kajillion and 15 things going on. And I just kept saying, what are we gonna do? Spend two years with this thing and then make the move? It's not like, well, you get the new vanity and you wear it out. You get the new vanity and that's the one you die with. So do you want to go two years, five years to the grave with this? And by the way, the longer you live with it, the more it becomes part of the scenery. And there's, you know when you, the first night you stay in the house, you go, fuck, I gotta change this thing out. By week number five, it's kind of like, oh, that thing. Yeah, we should. And by year number five, it's what I like. That vanity, like you're gone, you got no edge on your blade anymore. Right, right. And I just said, I ain't fucking, I ain't living this way. And I don't want to go, I don't want to blink my eyes and go, it's been two years and now we're changing it. Cuz that makes you stupid. That means you lived in this sort of discomfort. And it's not like two years from now, the vanity I buy to replace it will be free or anything. It's all just the same.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. The only reason you're putting it off is just because it's a pain.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The amount of time is gonna be the same, the amount of cost is gonna be the same. Everything's gonna be same. We can either do it this weekend or we can do it two years from this weekend. And I was just like, fuck it. And I also did something that I almost never do is I was realistic. Pee in the toilet about my time, which was I bought one. Like I build everything normally I just measure it up, figure it out, lay it out, go find Gary, go find a bathroom vanity. Build everything.

That's just kind of a pain in the butt though. Not a pain. I mean, you're right worth, you're just about to make the point. Right. Worth your time to just buy one. You gotta make the drawers and gotta cut it for the pipes and everything.

Yeah, no, it is, it's not just

a desk is what I'm saying.

I do everything. And when I say I do, I get my guys to do it, but I design it, I work it out, I lay it out, figure it out, and then I do some and they do some. And that's just my mode and shit. Ain't cheap when you just go online and go, I want this thing with the full this and the full that and the countertop and all that kind of stuff. It's not cheap. But that's the other part where you go, what's your time worth? What's going on? If you do build it yourself, how long is that going to take? How far is that going to retard this process? Blah, blah, blah. I just got realistic and went, fuck it, Matt. Go online, give me five options. Here's the size I need. Gave me five, just squeezed the trigger, showed up at the house a week later. Just took four hours to install. And every time. Now here's the thing. That's crazy. Lynette walks in and goes, oh my God, I love it. But she would have never changed it ever. Ever. But yet we talked about it 3,000 times and yet she walks in and goes, oh, it's so good. It's so much better now she can pee in the sink. It's so much better. She fucking loves it. She would have never changed it. What is that about human beings? I don't.

I do understand that a little bit.

Oh, I. I under. I know it cuz I live it. But I'm wondering why. What? Why. Why are we wired that way?

I think half of it is, oh, I didn't realize how good this would be or look or whatever until I saw the new version. And also, you can live with something you can live with. You know what I mean? Like the thing that's minorly why.

[Allison Rosen]

Why you're not worth that. Better thing too. Can be.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't sniff for that.

[Allison Rosen]

I wasn't going to.

[Adam Carolla]

There's that element. Except for she's really happy it's this way and doesn't feel an ounce of regret or guilt or anything. It's like, yeah, she's as happy as I am. This thing's been swapped out. Just would have never done it as most people would have never done it. And I'm just saying to you, do it. Why not do it? Why? I mean, I know there's a million reasons why. I know how it works, but why not? What life do you want to lead? How long are we here for? What's going on? And Speaking of, how long do we have and what's going on? Oh, these goddamn patent trolls.

It's the journey, Adam. It's the journey.

We've passed the $450,000 mark with the attorneys. The good news is our attorneys have gotten enough and far enough into discovery. Half a million dollars worth.

That'll do it.

You can pay half a million dollars and find out that the other side has no case. And that's essentially what they're finding out.

Congratulations.

It's awesome. Except for that does not mean it's not going to continue. So it shall continue. Now, the happy news is I got a call just out of the blue. I can't remember if I was telling you guys this or not, but Leno called me the other day sitting at the airport. Steve Leno in San Jose? Jay Leno called and he just said, just reading about this patent troll stuff. And I said, yeah. And he said, anything I can do to help?

[Allison Rosen]

That's so nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I said, sell one that Duesenbergs, bring a pillowcase worth of cash over here. I thought it was really nice, too. I've never talked to him about it. We talk about cars. It's never been anything, you know, whatever. And he said, can we do something? Can we get something going? Can I make a few phone calls? Can we, you know, help out? And I said, shit, yeah. In East Texas, Mike August was sitting across the table from me because I was at an airport. That's how we roll. And as soon as I hung up the phone with Leno, he was like, oh, fuck yeah. Yes. We're gonna ride him like a mule. And we then talked to our good friends Hanson, who said they want to help out as well. And those are just the first two people we've reached out to. But we will plan a big party. Oh, like a benefit concert, benefit thing. You know them well?

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell yeah.

Kelly James will be there as well, and we'll get this thing cranked up and we will raise a whole bunch of money. That's a fantastic idea. And we will fucking shove it up the ass of these patent trolls. And the deal is this. We're not going to settle. We're not. And now it's tough because we've done enough discovery to find out they don't have a whole hell of a lot in terms of a case. But we ain't settling. We're fighting. So, personal audio, you picked on the wrong motherfucker. Bring it, bitch.

Yeah, cuz we're fucking Steve Leno.

We're fucking we're fucking coming for you. You want to, you want to keep it going, Keep it going. You fucking, you fucked with the wrong people. You fucked with the wrong people. We will get all the guys together, all the podcasters together. You're, you're. Oh, you fucked with the natural from the natural.

He's left handed.

He's a left handed hitter. That's right. I got my fucking bat.

Wonder boy.

Wonder boy.

Complain boy.

Complain boy. No, we have no choice and that's good because I wouldn't settle even if we did. So keep it going. We're just getting started, baby. We are just getting started.

I love this benefit concert idea.

We are going to get a whole bunch of big names and a whole bunch of press and we're going to raise a whole bunch of money. And everybody who does an interview is going to explain just why we're there and what we're going to do with the money, which is kick their ass in court. So keep it going. We'll tell you about the benefit and how that's going. And again, you know, it's funny because the company is called Personal Audio and people are like, aren't you pissed at them? And I'm like, no, they just make, they want to make money.

It's the system in which engenders these types of things.

Yeah, they're just, yeah.

I said, look, if it wasn't them, there's somebody else have the same claim

who wouldn't, who amongst us if it was legal. And you could just get a P.O. box in Nevada and just say, oh, no, no, my, my, I'm incorporated in Nevada, I run my business out of Nevada. And they go, yeah, but you show up in la, you live in la, everyone works for you lives in la, you work in la. But if the government said, but you can just get a P.O. box in Nevada and pay half in taxes, every fucking business would do it. And it wouldn't be their fault, it'd just be what they would do. You could go, well, that's not very moral. And they'd go, yeah, but there's nothing, there's nothing in the rule book that says I can't and thus I'm gonna do it. Because that's the way it works. These guys are out to make money. As I said, they're called Personal Audio. They should be called Nothing Personal. I'm just, it's just business. I just fucking sue to make money. That's what we do. I don't know you, I don't know anybody. We're Suing. And by the way, they're suing NBC and Fox and cbs. They're suing everybody. Well, guess what? Those guys don't have a microphone and now they fucked with the wrong guy.

It's kind of a badge of honor getting sued by personal audio. They recognize that you're successful in your field.

You know, you've arrived.

That's right.

But congratulations. They made a mistake because we got a fucking bat and we're coming after them and we're gonna fuck their shit up. So keep it up.

It's about a four. Not a threat.

That's right. Go to. It's Wonderboy. Go to fundanything.com patentroll and contribute. Help keep the podcasting alive and we'll keep you posted on this benefit. But we're going to make a fucking ton of noise and it's going to be awesome. All right. You got some Baldiwood. I got DraftKings, baby. Oh my. Listeners winning like crazy. DraftKings.com America's favorite one day fantasy baseball site. I love these guys. I just hung out with these guys. The car nuts. I love car nuts. And you know, we told them, they told me about DraftKings. I told them, they said fucking love you guys.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Oh, great.

[Adam Carolla]

They love us.

I play for fun. Like they're a sponsor and everything, but it's a lot of fun and I enjoy doing it.

Well, how are you doing, by the way?

I won yesterday. Yeah, I went into the top 10 in my double up contest. Thankfully, one of my pitchers almost threw a no hitter so that jack me up with the points. But it's just that easy.

Draft the right team one day. Fantasy baseball. No season long commitments, no being stuck with players. Just instant cash every day. DraftKings Dawson right now get free entry into DraftKings biggest fantasy baseball contest of the year. Over 3 million bucks in cash prizes with a million for first place. Enter [e-mail] for your free shot at hundreds, thousands, even a million bucks. Free spots are going quick. Enter Adam [e-mail] DraftKings.com all right, let's see. Ah, we got a little Baldiwood. Let's do it. Hooray for Baldiwood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue before you spend bucks. Remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wrecked piece of shit. Transformers 2. Hooray for Bounty Ward.

Transformers.

Yeah.

Age of Extinction. Directed by Michael Bay. It's in theaters now. This is Transformers 4, the fourth live action Transformers movie. Tough to talk about this movie because while 6 year old Brian was thrilled, 35 year old Brian was a little bored.

[Caller/Guest]

Mmm.

[Adam Carolla]

Sad to say, because I've enjoyed the franchise thus far.

A little bored.

Okay, this is a two hour and 46. No. Yes. It's 146 minute movie. So it's a two out. No, 140.

Yeah, it was. 140 is a hundred. I mean 40s.

I have to look this up now. I wrote down 146, but it felt longer. It may have been longer than 226mm.

All right.

Either way. So the movie spends most of its time with Mark Wahlberg, his daughter, played by Nicola Peltz, and Jack Rayner, who's sort of her love interest. But they're really boring in the movie. And the supporting cast is really interesting, but they get much less screen time. Stanley Tucci, who makes every movie he's in better, is in this. And he's great.

He is just good in everything.

He's just good in everything. And every time he's in a movie, like, did you see Devil Watch Prada?

Yes.

Fun movie. I think it was made a full letter grade better by his involvement. It was. He's just great.

Absolutely. And it's weird how guys like that, you know, when it's Devil Wears Prada, you go, okay, Stanley Tucci. All right, makes sense. Sure. But when you go big budget summer action, action, explosions, and you go Stanley Tucci. And it's like the moral of the story is really good actors make everything better, even if they're in the wrong movie.

Yeah. And he's playing sort of a Steve Jobs crossed with like Tony Stark, billionaire, inventor. And he's like a lot of fun. He's a breath of fresh air every time he comes on the screen. As is TJ Miller, who's great as. He's great as always, but not on the screen nearly enough. And I don't know if you guys know who Titus Wellever is. Most people know him from the TV show Lost and he was in the town also. He's one of those actors, you're like, oh, that guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Wasn't he on the show?

[Adam Carolla]

Was Titus on the show?

He was on the show, yeah.

Oh, no shit. Okay. That's what he was. Okay. He is fantastic. Those three guys, as great as they are, aren't on the screen nearly enough. So it's kind of a frustrating thing. You're watching much more boring people.

Yeah, he was in the Matt Damon fracking movie. I think as I. As I recall, I can't think of the name of it. But Titus was on. Yes.

So Transformers is kind of getting killed by the critics, right? 16% of rotten tomatoes. I don't know if you heard that or not.

Promised Land. Yes.

Promise was the one. He was in. Titus. 16% of rotten tomatoes for Transformers. It's nowhere near that bad of a movie. This is in the 50% range. Kind of reminds me of After Earth. Remember from last with Will Smith, the M. Night Shyamalan movie that got killed to the tune of like 11%. But not nearly that bad. I mean, not a good movie. But the tide has clearly turned against M. Night and Transformers.

Yes.

The critics are now Knives out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've gone all Wolverine on their ass. Yeah. It's gotta be weird if you're M. Night Shyamalan because it's strange how we are as human beings. We love to build people up and then we love to tear him down and at some point we'll build them up again.

Oh, yeah, he. He's due for a comeback. I mean, he'll have. He'll have a hit again at some

point, but boy, did we love from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. And now that you figure they're giving him a D minus before they even see the movie.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird, right?

It does feel. What's the word? Not the opposite of cathartic. It feels like, you know, like vicious in a way.

Well, it feels like we're on some giant school playground and everyone is nine and a half. Like the notion of us being adults now and being educated and being at a point in our life, you know, some of us pass the halfway point in our life where you can't just judge something on its own merits, especially something as detached from you as a movie. You know what I mean? It's not like, well, this guy comes into my house and starts ordering me around and giving the stink guy to my. He made a movie.

That's the.

You sit in an air conditioned room and watch it. Yeah. Who cares what your thoughts are about this human being? Just grade this movie or this song or this book or this whatever it is, and then move on.

And their greatest crime, whether it's M. Night Shyamalan or Michael Bay, is they made a couple movies he didn't like.

Yes, you got to see one of their free movies in another air conditioned room two years ago that you didn't much care for.

It's a weird It's a pound of flesh. It's a weird pound of flesh.

Oh, listen, the hammer didn't get in the Sundance because the guy said he didn't like me.

Well, it's understandable.

If that's not schoolyard, what the fuck is? I mean, when are we gonna get off the fucking schoolyard? Like, by the way, you don't like me. Good. I don't like you. Now, what's that have to do with. With your festival and my product?

Jules Dash? Never get treated that way, I was gonna say.

I just mean it's weird. I don't think other businesses work that way. Like, if you own a chain of grocery stores and guys provide produce for you. Like, I don't like that farmer's attitude. Like, he just provides good produce. You put it in the stand and you put it up in the rack. People buy it. Yeah. Why? What? Yes. Worry about the relationship personally. The one you have with your wife, you have with your husband, your children, or even your fucking gardener or chiropractor, but not M. Night Shyamalan. Like, or Adam Carolla. Like, how do those people factor into your fucking life? And then why are you letting them factor into that extent? All right, so that said, there are

a lot of problems with this movie. It's not good. The product placement is so absurd. At one point, Mark Wahlberg's escaping some chasing robots, and he crashes into a Bud Light truck, knocking over a whole bunch of those aluminum cans so they don't shatter, they just kind of roll into the street. And he hits another driver on the way through the truck. And the driver's like, I hope you have insurance. And Mark Wahlberg is like, no, but I have this beer. And he opens the beer and drinks. He doesn't say, I have this beer. He's like, chill out, buddy. Opens the beer and takes a big swig.

Well, it was crazy, you know, which is weird. I didn't. I didn't know. But as. As I edit my movie, you can get beer companies to give you a couple bucks to put in your movie product placement.

What if you crashed your car on road hard? You're on a road trip. Your car went through a Bud Light trip.

No, I can tell you right now that they'll give you X amount if there's a beer or two in the movie. You get an extra bit more if you take a hit off the beer.

So that was the only place it would have fit.

[Allison Rosen]

How far can it go?

[Adam Carolla]

You're editing this. You're editing the movie, and it's like, oh, no, don't edit out the part where I'm taking a hit off the beer.

That's money.

We need that money. And it's like, yeah, but we're just. No, no, no, leave that part. So it's not holding the beer. It's hitting the beer. You get a little something for holding it, but you get a little bump for hitting it. Getting paid to drink beer.

What if he had used it to kill one of the Decepticons?

Does this ratchet in cigarettes? Cigarettes. When you shoot a sitcom for a network,

cigarettes are harder because they're not labeled on cigarette.

The commercial, the conversations. The conversations I have had as an adult, with other adults, as we've been. It's been the theme of our show, the sands through the hourglass of my fucking life, Having conversations with attorneys. Whether it was crank anchors was originally gonna be called prank puppets, but the attorneys at Comedy Central said that was way over the top and that showed malice and blah, blah, blah. That was a two hour fucking scream fest on a speakerphone. Me and Jimmy in a room in New York and them in Santa Monica. It's absolutely insane to me. Cigarettes. I've learned from doing television shows that I had this scene that I really liked in my sitcom, which was I was walking up the front. I was walking up the walkway of a house, and I was stressed out, and one of my flunky workers, basically Ray, was sitting on the front porch taking a break, smoking a cigarette. And I said, give me a hit off that. And I. And he said, you quit? And I said, I'm really stressed out. Just give me a hit. And he did what Ray would do, which is he takes a cigarette and he puts it up his nostril and he does it like he's chalking a pool cue. Even makes a sound for a better shot. Yeah. Now, I just asked Ray for hit off a cigarette just to watch him put it up his nose. But the gag was he went to put it up his nose and do that move. And it was cut to me inside the house walking in the entry hall and sort of out of the side of my mouth, you saw me push some smoke out. So I did have a hit off it. The network said, a guy can hold a cigarette, but the cigarette can't be lit. We can't. They can't have him. We can't see him smoke it. You can't see him draw off it. He can hold an unlit cigarette, or we can light a cigarette and we can set it down like in an ashtray. But we can't have him hold a lit cigarette or take a draw. It's like, we can't. Or you guys just have a arbitrary set of retarded rules and we're just adults waiting to die. Which the fuck is it? What do you mean you can't? And then you start arguing, and then what you start doing is you start modifying your joke to see, well, maybe if he was holding it, but it wasn't lit. But I asked him, why isn't it? And then you go, what the fuck are we doing? There are human beings who smoke on construction sites, are there not? That's what I always said. Are we willing to admit that they're construction workers who smoke cigarettes? We're not saying anything good or bad about it. Just, are we willing to admit that these human beings exist? And if so, can we have one of them in our fucking sitcom? Jesus Christ.

Last thing about Transformers. So the coolest thing for me about the trailers and all the upcoming stuff was I'm like, finally, the Dinobots. Now, the Dinobots are, as you would think, half dinosaurs, half Transformers. And for six year old balding Brian, seeing, you know, the only thing cooler than Transformers was dinosaurs. The only thing cooler than dinosaurs and Transformers was transforming dinosaurs.

Sure.

And they were making their appearance in this movie. I was actually kind of excited how it would look, and it was cool. But it was literally in the last 10 minutes of the movie. The coolest thing that's been done in the franchise so far, in my opinion, was in the last 10 minutes of this 2 hour and 26 minute movie. And it was frustrating because it's kind of a metaphor for the whole thing. We spend a lot of time with characters and things we don't care so much about and a very little amount of time on the cool stuff. So there's some cool stuff in here,

but this is Mark the end of the Transformers.

Gonna make a lot of money.

And then they'll just go on. And then there's the whole international part where they're gonna make a kajillion dollars.

Anyway, the whole half the thing is set in Beijing, China, so they're working

on their next one as we speak.

I would imagine the movie ends with literally as close as a character can say to stay tuned for the sequel. He says, like, this is not over. And it's, you know, there's more and more. Some good stuff, but stretched out over too much time.

All right. Hooray for bounty war. Speaking of movies and product placement, Aaron Foster, he donated to road hard. And he paid for speaking role. But then he showed up, and it wasn't right for the speaking role.

Okay. It was Alice's part.

So we're like, well, how? What do we do? Because we don't want to give your money back because we need it for our movie, but this is not going to work out. And he said, actually, Mike Altier worked out a sweet deal with him. He said, well, I'm an artist. And he makes these really cool things out of vintage license plates.

Oh, that's the thing outside.

Yeah. Map of the United States.

That's awesome.

It's really cool because every license plate is from the state that it represents and the shape that it represents and the shape of the whatever.

He has to use, like two license plates for Texas, but he uses a little sliver of one for Rhode Island.

It's really cool. It's the state plate. And also, I'm such an idiot that I was talking to my guy Nate the other day. He said, I'm leaving for Montana tomorrow, and I usually just fly in through Utah. And I was like, you got to go over Utah to get to Montana. She goes right over Utah. And I'm like, I thought Utah was, like, further west or something. He's like, no, you go right to get to Montana. I go, montana's on the border. Canada, right? He goes, yeah, yeah, go right over Utah. I'm like, hold on, Let me check

my map of license plates.

Oh, I did. I did. I was like, drawing. I was, like, going, well, yeah, I do. Yeah, you fly over corner of Utah.

[Allison Rosen]

Every classroom should have one.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always funny. I've stopped myself from doing this, of telling people, guess what? You're right about the thing. You knew that you were right about 10 minutes ago. I don't know why people double back and do that thing where they go, Turns out you were right about that whole Utah thing.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like, yeah, no shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. I live in Montana. I go back and forth to la. I land in Salt Lake City. I've checked this out 250 times. You've never been to Montana, and you hate LA.

So what's the response in that situation, though? You don't say, yeah, I know. You're just supposed to say, oh, how about that?

I checked Aaron Foster's artwork is my point. Anyway, he's been doing it for 13 years. He's got stuff in the Smithsonian and American Folk Art Museum. And if you want some really cool stuff, you can check it out. You go to aaron foster.com. you can see the full collection online. Support the show, Use the promo code Adam for 15% off anything on the site. And like I said, we're not just whistling Dixie over here. This is really cool stuff and sort of diabolically simple, but I love it.

And vintage plates, too.

Yeah, vintage plates. And the stuff's up. It's mounted. It leaned against the wall for all of a day and a half, and it is hanging proudly displayed at our studios right now. All right, let's see. Quick phone call. Rich demuro is out there. He's from ktla, also syndicated, and does the tech stuff. Tech reporter, you know him as a podcast as well. But Brian knows him back from college.

True college roommates. And he's got on to great success.

Javi.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, what's up?

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, 31, San Antonio.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

What's up?

[Caller/Guest]

So I was looking for some advice. There's. There's this girl that friends with on Facebook. I've never actually met her, though. She's a mutual friend, but a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a while. You know, we're Facebook friends and we talk to each other occasionally on Facebook. She was posting pictures with this girl while they were on vacation, and she's just drop dead gorgeous. And so I friended her because she lives here in San Antonio, and she accepted. Now, under other social circumstances, it would probably be much easier to try and meet this girl or ask her out, but all we are is Facebook friends, and we just have this one mutual friend. So how would I go about trying to create an opportunity with this girl?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she accepted your. Your overture about being Facebook friends, right?

[Caller/Guest]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how my grandparents met, by the way. So romantic. And so I don't know enough about Facebook. Why? What's the attrition rate or what's the non acceptance rate? Like, she's a hot chick. Probably a lot of people want to friend her, right? What does she base her acceptance on? What do you provide for her? Semen sample? How's it work?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm guessing she is best friends with our mutual friend, so it's probably based on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you got an in then. Say, like, you saw her comment on something, that you thought her comment was funny or something. I don't know. Unless you're in.

Yeah, just ask her out. I mean, it's also, you know, it's interesting. It's funny. I never really thought of this analogy, but, you know, video games are just like a simulation. Like, well, you want to shoot down Airplanes, or you want to shoot aliens, or you want to shoot gang bangers, or you want to shoot anybody Stuck

in your bunk in the.

Stuck in your. That's right, In Arizona. I talk about it, but again, I have a lawsuit against ptsd. But it's just a simulation of stuff. And the thing that people go to the computer for is they get to. They can do a simulated MMA fight without actually getting the ribs broken. This is a way to ask someone out on a date without getting drink thrown in your face or humiliated or laughed at. Or do that move where you have to, like, get up and walk over to their table and go, excuse me, is this seat taken? I noticed you from across. It's really just a simulated everything.

[Allison Rosen]

It's only virtual risk.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So just go ahead and ask them out. They say no. They say no, but it's not. You don't have to then slink back to your bar stool and sit there for the rest of the night, you know? And it's weird because it's virtual risk in a knife fight, and it's virtual risk in asking someone out as well. It ain't no big whoop. And also, hot chicks are kind of used to being asked out, probably more confused when they're not. They don't hold it against you.

So something's weird about tonight.

I just go for it. Yeah. Not being asked out. Hey, Jake. Yes 25, North Carolina.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Where's Clay Aiken? Is he in North Carolina or is he south what Carolina is he in?

[Caller/Guest]

He's in North Carolina, if I'm not mistaken.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Did he win? He won, right?

[Caller/Guest]

That's a bad question.

[Adam Carolla]

Ask me. Okay. All right. So you're not much into politics, all right?

[Caller/Guest]

No, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Caller/Guest]

I just had a quick question. Every dad seems to have, like, their go to meal when it's time for

[Adam Carolla]

dad to cook something.

[Caller/Guest]

And I was wondering if you had one

[Adam Carolla]

to cook for yourself or cook for others.

[Caller/Guest]

Like to cook for the family. It's dad's night. Dad's making chili.

[Adam Carolla]

That is had to Dad's night. Yeah. Here's how dad's night works. Olga make chili. I can now reach the sink. I'll be found in the bathroom. Thank you. I am home so little now and care so little about cooking that I just. It's all. It's, you know, it's Chinese food and, you know, I don't do anything anymore. I used to when I was a bachelor, I would make tons of stuff. The thing I found Myself making a lot of. I'd make big pots of things. I don't know if you guys ever went through this like in your bachelor and bachelorette days, where you just make a big old pot of stew or big old pot of something and it would last you for days and days and days. Never did that.

[Allison Rosen]

Never lasted for days and days and days.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

That's what I.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you made it. The thing is, it was never that good. It was like lentil based something, you know, that just wasn't very good. So you didn't want it that often.

[Allison Rosen]

People who are just cooking for themselves do it. Like you make a lot, freeze portions or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

My. My thing, my kind of go to meal, which I fucking loved. But now it's no good with all the carbs and everything. One of the. The yummy things was just a plain old chicken pot pie. Just that frozen chicken pot pie. And you want to talk about carb loading, but there was fucking nothing better. You make a. You make a mound of rice, you cook the chicken pot pie and you just capsize it on top of the mound of rice and all the goo just starts bleeding down into it. And that is fucking savory. I loved that. I would also just take a whole bunch of vegetables, throw them all in a. In a big pan and a whole shitload of olive oil and just kind of do them all up and then make a whole big thing of pasta and just dump it all on top of the pasta. That was another one of my big moves. But then at some point somebody told pasta and potatoes and rice, and all of a sudden it became the enemy. And I was like, oh, chicken pot pie is one of those things where there can be nothing that is worse for you that seems more wholesome.

Yeah. It's full of vegetables and chicken and

it's always got some picture of some matronly woman who's wearing a little smock and holding it up like, look what I made for you, sonny boy. But it's just filled with white flour and lard and all that kind of stuff. But it's fucking good. God. I mean, if somebody said. What would be. If somebody said luck. You'll never gain an ounce. It's good for you. What would be your. Let's lay out your week. Fuck breakfast and lunch for now. I would say chicken pot pie. I might start my Mondays. Mondays would be like a chicken pot pie day.

Okay.

There would be a fish and chips day.

It's gotta be a lasagna day in there.

There'd be a Lasagna day in there. There'd be a nice, big, greasy, like, deli corned beefy sandwich, pastrami esque sandwich kind of thing in there. There'd be some old Bill Murray and

Groundhog Day right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary Wright's Reuben. I definitely tossed a Ruben pastrami.

Ruben.

Ruben in there. Yeah, there'd be something. There'd be a mashed potato. E. Shepherdy pie.

Kind of shepherd's pies does not get ordered enough.

Not enough.

Good call in the shepherd's pie loaded cheeseburger with like a ciabatta bun, you know, with the bacon and the cheese. Again, no promise. No ill health effects. I would go in for the loaded cheeseburger probably.

I would have a side of potato salad and coleslaw with everything. I mean, I wouldn't always get into it, but it would just be there. Break the glass in case there was an emergency. I'd go for the potato salad. That would always be there. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I would fill a bathtub with cereal.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if dinner granola would be on my list, actually. No. You know, because it's so carby and sugary and everything, but God damn a good granola.

[Allison Rosen]

And also something that I haven't had except the lean cuisine version in probably 15 years. Fettuccine Alfredo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

Carbonara. Oh, yeah.

All that creamy pasta.

Oh, yeah, I do that Sunday. All right, so that's a hell of a week. Chicken pot pie on Monday, then we go fish and chips Tuesday, then we go with the deli. Sort of themed. The Reuben and. Or the pastrami, whatever. On Wednesday, deli sandwich of choice.

[Allison Rosen]

I would say get all the sides. Don't limit yourself just to potato salad and crisp side. Also get Mac and cheese and everything else they offer.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going then lasagna. Let's not forget hot dog night. Yes, good. And I'm talking about the chili dog with the cheese sprinkled on it and the red onion chopped up. The purple onion chopped up on it too. I think Saturday night just be just brisket fried chicken. Ooh, you're gonna need more days. Yeah, we need more days. Well, we can next Monday bleed some of this into lunch.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway. All right. Ah, the books. That's right, the books. Dot com. Buying flowers. You do it online? Yeah, it's $19.99. Sure it is. $84.50 by the time you get out of there. Let's not go down that road. Let's just go with the books. Whole new way to send flowers. It's the bouchs. B o u q s dot com. I got a flat rate, 40 bucks free delivery straight from sustainable farms on an active volcano in South America. That's exotic, baby. Plus they have the never forget subscription. They'll deliver flowers on all the important dates. So you pick the birthdays and the mother's day and the anniversaries and boom. Boox there. Pow. I love that idea. All summer you can get 15% off plus free shipping. With the promo code Adam. Go to the books.com, click, shop@ the top of the page. Use the promo code Adam. All right, Rich Demuro is out there. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after that. Rich Demuro here. KTLA, locally out here, Channel 5, Los Angeles, syndicated, 39 Tribune TV stations nationwide. Tech reporter. And we've talked to Rich before. We know that Brian went to college with Rich.

Well, he went to college with me.

That's what I was about to say. Podcast tomorrow daily. We're here to talk about everything. And I just did an interview with him about the patent troll business. But speaking of tech stuff in general, Rich, what do we got to look forward to?

[Rich Demuro]

Oh my gosh, this is going to be a good year. We've got the iPhone 6 coming out, got new iPads coming out. We've got the new version of Android coming out called L. We've got the new version of iOS coming out. This is all stuff that like geeks just love because it's like all new software.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of geeks and gadgets, can I ask those who are out there, who are geeks to drop the fucking attitude when you see my like 4 year old technology and you like roll your eyes and go, what are you doing? And I go, I don't know, it's my phone.

[Allison Rosen]

How do you even charge that thing

[Adam Carolla]

from when, like 2009? And I go, I don't know, it's a few years old. Why don't you have the iPhone? And then they name the next number. And I go, I don't know, I just use it to talk. And they go, whoa, wow. And they're like, they're disgusted. And it's like fucking drop the attitude or the vitriol or something. It's just a phone and it works. So what do I need to do? And it's way too much for me already. I can't do anything on it except for talking or yell into it, as it were. But why do we need the new iPhone 6?

[Rich Demuro]

Well, I mean, it upgrades things. Like, I don't. I'm one. I'm not one of those people. So, in fact, when I see people, a lot of people come to me with issues with their problems with their phone. And a lot of times it's like a really old model. Like, I had someone come up to me and asked. She had an old Kindle and asked me how to load her DVDs on there. And this was a device that only displays text.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Demuro]

And I have to sit there and not laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Demuro]

And be like, well, DVDs don't really load on a device that only displays text.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Demuro]

And so, you know, you're a really boring movie. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Rich Demuro]

It'd be like all the digital parts of it, like ones and zeros the whole time, just flashing on the screen. So I don't judge. But to get the new iPhone 6, I mean, it's going to have, you know, a better camera, maybe better battery life. It's going to be thinner, it's going to be lighter, maybe more durable. I know you have a big thing with phones dropping.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't, because I never drop my phone and I never break my phone. And I turn my phone in after three years with the same fucking glass that is broken on my wife and kids stuff within the first eight to 10 days. And almost everyone I know, including Mike August, pulled his phone out. Actually, Mike had a great piece of luck. He pulled his phone out of his backpack. We were in the Burbank airport when we were going to Phoenix. It fell on the ground and broke on a Friday. And then he got all his shit stolen from his car, including his broken phone, about four or five days later. And he'd already ordered his new phone, which had not arrived yet.

Well, lucky him.

That's. Some people are just born under a lucky star. So that was him. But, yes, his phone shattered as everyone else's phone.

[Rich Demuro]

You gotta get a good case. You know, just. I had someone come up to me again who was so scared that her husb just bought her this new phone because she broke her glass and she broke. She dropped her second phone, literally less than six or eight hours old.

[Adam Carolla]

That's impossible because they're designed. Brian spent a few years working in the R and D for Apple, so he knows how these things are designed. If they wanted to stop them from falling out of every motherfucker's hand, do you think they could do something about it from a technological standpoint? I'm putting you on the spot, Rich. It's A tough question, Rich.

Answers the very question in my audiobook, by the way.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah, this is a great bonus chapter in Brian's book, Shrinkage.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

That is true. There's a bonus chapter about this very subject.

Do you think if they got together with the people who design, let's say, pistols for law enforcement, for the law enforcement community, do you think they could take their technology and combine them?

Sounds familiar.

[Rich Demuro]

Perhaps, yeah. I mean, yeah, I was specifically told not to get into this argument here today, but I will answer. If they maybe made it a little more rubberized, maybe a little more grippy, it could probably not fall out as much. But the problem here's.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's say it cost them money when it fell. No.

[Rich Demuro]

Okay, well, see, this is. This is where I disagree. Because here's the thing. They make money on all those cases that they sell, so that's a good thing for the company, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do they need to sell the cases?

[Rich Demuro]

Well, because it falls.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, aren't you making my argument then?

[Rich Demuro]

Well, yes, but your argument is that they make money on the repairs of the phones. I agree that Apple doesn't really want to sit there and repair all their phones necessarily.

[Adam Carolla]

If they wanted it to not fall out of everyone's hands, could they do something about it?

[Rich Demuro]

Maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, maybe.

[Rich Demuro]

I. I don't know. This is.

[Adam Carolla]

Who does not know I'm the only person doesn't drop his phone. But that's just because I've. I have. I'm hyper vigilant. Everyone else I know walks around with a cracked glass.

[Rich Demuro]

See, that's. That's what I have a problem with. I don't like to be able to walk around with cracked glass. Because you put it up to your ear, it's gonna hurt your ear, it's gonna cut you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's what happened to Mike August. My argument is I know nothing about technology. I just know what companies can do and can't do. If they wanted it not to happen, they would do something. So it didn't happen.

[Allison Rosen]

Who advised you not to get into this argument? Brian.

[Rich Demuro]

Just the better side of me.

[Adam Carolla]

You can agree with Brian.

[Rich Demuro]

No, here's the bottom line. I think that, you know, if they made the phone grippier, number one, they like to make it out of materials that are nice and slick and smooth

[Adam Carolla]

and beautiful, shaped like a bar of soap.

[Rich Demuro]

And if they made it out of a material that was grippier, say it didn't come out of your hand as easily. Then when you put it in your pocket without a case, it Would grip to the inside of your pocket, which is why you never want to get a case that's really rubbery and grippy.

[Adam Carolla]

But they sell tons of grippy rubber

[Rich Demuro]

cases and try putting in your pocket, and it sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think Apple's aware that 72% of the people that buy their phone crack the glass in the phone within the first seven weeks of ownership?

[Rich Demuro]

I'm sure they're aware of that.

[Caller/Guest]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Would they like to do something to prevent that? If they could. If they would like to do something to prevent it? Do you think they could?

[Rich Demuro]

They. They could if they wanted to. I don't think they need to. It's not in their best interest.

[Adam Carolla]

They want to make their best interest.

[Rich Demuro]

They want to make a phone that's awesome. And let the case makers decide if you want to have that. I've seen people with those lifeproof, the gigantic, you know, industrial strength. You can run your car over at cases. And I've seen people like me who like the thinnest possible case or no case at all on their phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But no case at all makes for broken glass pretty much.

[Rich Demuro]

And I've dropped a lot of plenty of phones.

[Adam Carolla]

So has everybody.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Rich Demuro]

So even I've done it. I mean, you can't. It's one of those things where do you want something that's beautiful or do you want a tank?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they're guys who collect firearms who think their works are. But they don't fly out of their hands all the time.

[Rich Demuro]

Well, you're a little. I think you're a little safer with a gun in your hand than you are your iPhone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but what I'm saying is holding it more often, whatever it is.

[Rich Demuro]

Brian, help me out.

[Adam Carolla]

You're trying not to drop.

Rich, Rich. I'm sorry. I'm a comedy factory. I'm not a comedy warehouse. So I like to come up with new stuff all the time, go back over old ground.

[Rich Demuro]

This was the easiest argument ever to fight Adam Corolla in your book because nobody was talking back to me. I just had to read what I thought. And it was so easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, Brian was. The gun is a sort of a

life and death thing where, like, you need to have a good grip or else you're a dead man. Whereas the phone, it's more of a lifestyle accessory where this needs to look good, needs to appeal to your aesthetic. You're not really like, oh, my God, if I don't have this and have it quick, I'm going to die.

Right. But I'VE said many times, you don't need to change the aesthetic for it to not. First off, buying a case for it changes the aesthetic of it quite dramatically.

Right. Which is why a lot of people choose to go without the case.

Well, they don't because they break the glass. Then when they choose to go without the case.

[Rich Demuro]

Let me give you one little hint, since, you know, I do tech and I see a lot of these cases. So there's two types of cases. There's one that when you drop it, it's going to protect your screen, even if it's on there. You know, sometimes you have a case on there, your screen still breaks.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Demuro]

Why does that happen? Well, you have to look at the case, and if it doesn't come over the lip of the phone, like a quarter of a little tiny bit, your screen is going to hit the ground when your case hits the ground. So on your phone right here, see how this. And this is a case. This will offer you just a little bit of protection. See how it comes up?

[Adam Carolla]

Just a little Minecraft.

[Rich Demuro]

Do you think this. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how you drop it?

[Rich Demuro]

I don't know this brand. Now, I will tell you this.

[Adam Carolla]

Throw it out in the parking lot.

[Rich Demuro]

Let's find out for a story in the name of science. I took an iPhone and I threw it against the ground six times from a distance of like seven feet. Did not break.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Rich Demuro]

Six times. And it took me. I finally had to.

[Adam Carolla]

You dropped it on a mattress at a height of 7 foot.

[Rich Demuro]

It was outside in a concrete parking lot. And we want to test because people always talk about how they break the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Now when you say seven feet, you're talking about you put it on top of Shaquille O. Neal's head and told him to sneeze.

[Rich Demuro]

We asked him to come to the studio and do it.

[Adam Carolla]

You dropped from 7ft with no case?

[Rich Demuro]

No case.

[Adam Carolla]

On an iPhone. On a asphalt or concrete? Asphalt.

[Rich Demuro]

No, it was concrete.

[Adam Carolla]

On a concrete parking lot.

[Rich Demuro]

It was a sidewalk. It was a sidewalk in our parking lot at ktla.

[Adam Carolla]

And he dropped it how many times?

[Rich Demuro]

About six times before we finally got it to break.

[Adam Carolla]

That's pretty insane.

[Rich Demuro]

So here's the deal.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all about I've got to scream at my wife. Then I have to scream at her because I don't know what she's doing,

[Allison Rosen]

what's she dropping at?

[Adam Carolla]

But the shit is broken almost immediately. She up at the eight foot mark.

[Rich Demuro]

It's the angle. It's the angle that it drops because you can literally drop a phone, no problem. You drop it. I had a phone one time on my dashboard in my car. I thought I was cool because I was putting it as gps, no joke. The thing just gently tipped down and hit the steering shifter.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Rich Demuro]

The whole thing just, the whole screen just blew up, literally. The phone was two days old. It was a loaner unit from Samsung. I had to go back and I was like, hey, your phone broke.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, I'm actually afraid to jinx this, but I have dropped my phones before and I've never cracked the screen.

[Adam Carolla]

I've had it happen too. I'm just saying my argument is this, it's a problem and it's a problem that's not being addressed.

And have they improved their glass cell over the last 10 years?

[Rich Demuro]

Oh, absolutely. I mean, there's a thing called Gorilla Glass 3 that means there's a third version of this super strong glass that Corning makes all these smartphones, it's gotten way better.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you order it with that or does it come with.

[Rich Demuro]

No, no, it comes with that. I mean, the phone makers either use it or they don't use it. And that's why a lot of people think your phone screen scratches when you have keys in your pocket. It really doesn't. A lot of the things that you think it's. It doesn't really happen. You know, your, your keys are not going to scratch your phone 99% of the time.

[Adam Carolla]

So we should. If you're buying a phone, they'll get the one with the gorilla glass.

[Rich Demuro]

Well, you can look at the specs online. They don't usually, they don't advertise it. Some of the phone makers do, they make it like a big deal, but some of them don't. So you just kind of have to look, go to like a website like Gsmarena or something and see if it has that.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone should tell the gorillas that they are used in most positive scenarios. Gorilla Glue, Gorilla glass. There's the 900 pound gorilla in the room. I mean, they're just the symbol. They're gonna have to do battle with the rhino for everything that is sturdy and strong. All right, so phones, the 6 is coming out. What's something cool with the TV? That's the 3D thing. Never quite caught on. Or is that coming or can we do it without the glasses or what's up?

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah, I mean. Well, we're sort of going to see it without the glasses. I mean, there's. With the glasses, it looks much better. I think that the the 3D is now a feature of TVs. Like, there's no more. Like you go out and buy a 3D TV. It's just, I got a new TV. One of the features is 3D. I just got a Sony TV, came with a. In the box, pair of 3D glasses. Didn't even know it was 3D. But 4K is really the ultra high def. If you've seen this, this is like, you know, it looks phenomenal. You know, it looks like it's four times the resolution of hd. So. Remember when we went to hd?

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Rich Demuro]

Now we're getting four times, but it's

[Adam Carolla]

a, it's, it's a, it's an incredible breakthrough. You're like, Julie Chen is not that hot. I thought she was. I used to say, how. God, for 56, she's total. Now it's like, what happened? Yeah, that's all it is, is everyone's just like, shit on tv.

[Rich Demuro]

It's sad for the makeup artists at all. The shows are just like, ugh, hell, we gotta do. We gotta up our ante one more time now. We gotta make these people look good.

[Allison Rosen]

But weirdly, the way they up their ante is by using less makeup. Right? Because I remember when you first. Yeah, when you first moved to hd, like, they couldn't use their orange spackle anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

But like, what? Maybe Lauren Bacall was a pig and we don't know. You know what I mean? Like, everything was smoke filled and black and white and everything just looked fucking amazing back then.

[Allison Rosen]

Ooh, maybe that's why Barbara Walters is actually getting out of television. She can't do the Vaseline lens anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

The 4Ds fucked a Royal.

[Rich Demuro]

I actually, I mean, Brian, you're a movie guy. I actually like the look of movies when they don't look so clear. Like now they have this thing called 120Hz. It's like a refresh rate that almost looks. You've seen it. It looks like a telegram.

[Adam Carolla]

When the background looks too clear to the foreground, it's distracting.

[Rich Demuro]

It's very distracting.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't feel like a movie.

[Rich Demuro]

But that's a new thing. That's like the new frontier. But the problem is everyone hasn't figured out how to use this technology to make it look. When Blu Rays first came out, they were like super clear and it's like, ooh, this looks like a, you know, a real, like, it just didn't look like a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a home movie.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah. And so now we're figuring out how to make those things look better?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it. It looked like if you watch the documentary, the kid stays in the picture, and they have that thing in the background and the foreground, and there's a weird separation, like when you see a diorama and you see, like, the thing over here, and then the background seems like it's separated from the foreground. That's what it felt like to me. You know what it's like. Remember when sitcoms first went to video and everything looked weird? Like they just looked cheap. Just weird. Cheap, you know, small wonder sort of weird things. Whereas MASH looked cool. That's. That. That's what happened with that. All right, well, tell me about. I know you're doing a story on the patent rolls, and I want to know your take on that.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah, so, you know, it's a word, it's a term that's. That's being thrown around a lot these days. You know, people are all about the patent trolls. The tech companies are all up in arms about the patent trolls. You know, everyone's being sued. Apple's being sued, Samsung's being sued. Apple suing Samsung. I mean, they're all. It's like this whole, like, inbreeding of, you know, you have this patent. You have this patent. Now, the thing is, patents are fine. You know, patents have protected a lot of intellectual property for a lot of years. The problem is when you have a company like this company that's suing you.

[Adam Carolla]

Personal.

[Rich Demuro]

Personal Audio. We can name names, whatever. When you have a company like that, that their entire business is centered around coming after people that have money. And really, it's not even. The thing is, like, most of the time, let's say you invented a new way of dental floss, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rich Demuro]

And I came out and I saw your little thing, and I went to China and I made the same exact thing and just redid it for cheaper, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Demuro]

Now, if you sued me and said, hey, look, dude, you saw me on Shark Tank. You made the same exact thing. I have a patent for that.

[Adam Carolla]

And you won.

[Rich Demuro]

You say, okay, and you shut me down. That makes sense because you came up with the idea. I'm doing, you know, whatever. But because your business is to sell that. That tooth, you know, that floss and all that good stuff. But when you're a company like Personal Audio, they have no interest in doing anything except shaking people down for cash. And that's where this idea of patent troll comes from. They're just looking out for people and saying, hey, who has money? Who's successful. Who's got this?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, it's interesting. I was happy to hear about. I did not know this exist. There's a case that's going on. I don't know, Alison, if you heard about it in the news or not, or you're planning on talking about, but there was like a local case where there's this nanny who moved into a house and she refuses to leave and we have these fucked up laws. It's a California thing. We love. We love. Is it here?

[Rich Demuro]

No, that was here. Yeah, that was.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I said upland.

[Rich Demuro]

Oh, upland.

[Adam Carolla]

They said Oakland, too. Upland. But we love. In California, if you're homeless or you're in someone's home, there's a million laws to protect you. And there's all these things where it's like, well, if somebody moves into your apartment or your house and they refuse to leave and they refuse to pay rent, they refuse to pay anything, there's really nothing you can do about it. Which is weird because you can't lease a car. And then four months in go. You know, Audi of Claremont, I think I'm just not gonna pay anymore. The guy shows up at the tow truck and he tows it away.

[Allison Rosen]

It was like insane. Tenants rights protections.

[Rich Demuro]

Or drive it off the lot and drive it for three months before they find you and say, hey, dude, I've been driving this for three months. It's pretty much mine at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

I've barted in it a few times and had a cigarette. So it's kind of. Kind of broken in. So it's my thing. But if you're a crazy nanny, you can move into someone's house and then refuse to leave and there's nothing they can do about it. It. Which is insane to me, especially because your kids are there and who. Obviously your person that's not real stable.

But Olga listens to the podcast she

[Rich Demuro]

does in her car, first off, where

[Adam Carolla]

she's now living this fucking notion where it's like, you think, all right, just take all her shit and throw it out on the lawn. It's like, I don't want to get arrested. You can't throw their shit out on your fucking lawn. You're scared of what the government is going to do to you. That's insane. We have officially jumped the fucking shark in California when it comes to the law. The man. And the fact that there's a crazy person who lives in your house and there's nothing you can do about it because you don't wanna get arrested, that's fucking insane. And I can't stand that this is what we've, by the way, somehow we've evolved into this. I love the idea that we've evolved into this.

[Rich Demuro]

It's kinder to do it this way, to let this woman sit in the. I mean, literally, the news crew is inside the living room. This lady's locked in her room, you know, surfing the Internet on Facebook, you know, commenting on people's pictures, whatever she's doing while they're interviewing about how they can't get this lady out of there. I mean, to me, when I saw that story, I was like, are you kidding me?

[Adam Carolla]

And the clock has been reset on the 60 days or whatever it is, because they didn't fill the paperwork out correctly that would have got them off of their fucking land that they pay the taxes and mortgage on and raise their children on. So it's reset because I had to go back because I didn't dot a few I's and cross some T's. But I was happy to hear that the crazy nanny is on the list, which I've always wanted, which is the people who have a baker's dozen or more of lawsuits under their belt in the last year and a half get put on a list, a nuisance list.

Oh, really? I didn't know about that.

I didn't know about it either. It's one of the few things our government does that makes sense where you go, you sued 35 people in the last five years. You were gonna get on the list. So that when the judge sees you're suing the 36th couple, he can kind of go, oh, I see what we're dealing with here makes sense.

Finally.

[Rich Demuro]

I see what's going on here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right there. It is. It is. Gary will look it up. It's called something. And it's basically, you're not a nanny whose rights have been abused. You're a crazy person who sues people and squats in their house. And at least we have a track record of that. And we're aware of that. And I think we can all agree that nobody wants to see nannies abused, but we don't want to see crazy women squatting people's houses who can't be removed legally from them. And the thing about the patent trolls is we can all agree that the guy who invents something or the guy who puts a bunch of sweat equity and time into something doesn't. We don't want to screw him out of his idea. Patent trolls, as you've said, aren't doing anything with the patent except for doing what the nanny's doing. And they should be put on a list. There should be a list of people who go, yes, I have patents. I use those patents. I created those patents. They're used in technology, and I'm compensating for them. And then the ones who use them as a bat to smash individuals and companies with. To make money off of those people need to be on that list. Oh, boy. It's a. What's that called?

[Allison Rosen]

Vexatious.

[Adam Carolla]

Vexatious litigant list. It's the one you get into for filing multiple lawsuits. And by the way, if you're on that list, please just kill yourself. Jesus Christ. It means you. You really got to earn it to get on that list. I mean, you don't.

You don't accidentally end up on that list.

[Rich Demuro]

No, I mean, can you imagine the surprise to these homeowners when they, you know, tell this lady, you've got to get out, and they get served with this paperwork that's all just done to, like, to the letter of the law, and they're just like, wait a second. This was a woman that, like, you know, couldn't even bake a cake. Three, you know, they have showed that one picture of her baking a cake, you know, the whole time over. She looks so kind.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just. Anyway, if it were me, I just toss all her shit out on the lawn and toss her out on the lawn and just say, look, I'll go fucking Ruby Ridge or Waco on your ass. Come fucking get me.

The Waco guys didn't end well for them.

I don't think Ruby Ridge turned out too good either. Either way, I'll fuck. Just come get me, see how this goes. See how this goes over in the court of public opinion.

[Rich Demuro]

That's what's happening to you right now.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what's happening to me right now. That's right.

[Rich Demuro]

And you are fighting back. And I think that when the Waco

[Adam Carolla]

Seas here starts, let me know.

[Rich Demuro]

The main thing is that most people don't fight back. You know, a lot of people, they just roll over. This company might say, hey, you know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Just.

[Rich Demuro]

Just give us, you know, look, just give us 100 grand. We'll go away, It'll be fine. We'll move on to the next person. And most people say, okay, fine, you know, because. Because if you've ever done any sort of thing dealing with law in your entire life, you realize it is expensive just to even get into the courtroom. It's not just a. I mean, there's letters back and forth. Everything costs money.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have people advising you to

[Adam Carolla]

just settle what you don't know? Well, everybody, first off, everybody advises you to settle, and every attorney advises you, even your own attorney. Even the people. The people that make money off of you not settling advise you to settle. What people don't realize is that there's something called discovery. Discovery has expert witnesses, and expert witnesses have to. It's like, oh, well, there's a $25,000 retainer, and then it's $500 an hour. And you go, for what? And you go, you need a bunch of expert witnesses. And you go, what? We didn't do anything. I don't. What are they gonna discover? Oh, you better get them. You better get. You better. I got hit today with a bill for $40,000 from our expert witness.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah, those guys make a lot of money doing expert witnessing.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe that's your next career.

If anyone needs an expert witness and being screwed, I'd be willing to step up. 25,000 retainer, 500 an hour. I'll tell you just what it's like.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah, there's a lot of people that do that on the side, you know, like, a lot of expert, like, construction people, you know, are they, like, you're an expert architect, you know, you have to say, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the. The part that's interesting is they hire expert witnesses. You hire expert witnesses. How good is a witness that you've hired?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, right.

[Rich Demuro]

That's why you hire them. That's why you pay them. What are they.

[Adam Carolla]

Because they hired them.

[Allison Rosen]

Say what you want.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, so a couple things on this that I was doing some research and, you know, so, of course, this company, Personal Audio, they won against Apple. So they won. They won, like, 8 million bucks from Apple. They went on because they were a little excited about this. This was back in 2011, they went and sued Samsung, remember Arcos, one of the companies. Basically, any company that has anything to do with podcasting. Distribution of a playlist type system for podcasts.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Rich Demuro]

The unique thing about your case is it's interesting because you're not really using the technology necessarily. Like, you're not making the technology that lets this be possible. You know what I mean? Like, you're just distributing it in a way that everyone else distributes their podcasts and they're going after you. So it is kind of unique that they're going after you personally and these other podcasters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, that's why they're going to Lose. And that's why we're coming after them. So you are going to get bit by your own fucking snake. Personal audio. Keep it coming.

[Rich Demuro]

But you're in good company.

[Adam Carolla]

And we're going to keep it coming.

[Rich Demuro]

Ford Motor Company. Did you hear about this? They were sued by a patent troll back in 1903.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Rich Demuro]

So when. When Henry Ford came out with a Model A. Okay. This guy, this hotshot lawyer from New York who never made a car in his life, he's like, hey, wait, I've got a patent for a horseless carriage that's driven by an engine. And they're like, okay, well, I've never figured out how to make the engine, but I know that that's the way it's gonna work. Even though Henry Ford had the car that actually worked.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Demuro]

So you're in good company.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like me and Ford.

[Rich Demuro]

You and Ford. And he won.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he did.

There you go.

I bet it cost him way less than a million dollars.

[Rich Demuro]

It probably wasn't. It probably was not a million dollars, but. Okay. And then here's one of the things I thought was interesting about, you know, because there's a lot of talk about reform in the law, and it's really tough because, again, how do you divide the law? I mean, there's so many things going on here. Number one, a lot of this has to do with technology.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Rich Demuro]

And judges don't always understand the technology. Jurors don't understand the technology. Sometimes the lawyers don't even understand. I mean, it really takes a lot of people to figure out, what are we getting to here? What are we talking about? And when you talk about the. These lawsuits and keeping them from happening, they're saying, well, maybe we should make it so that if you. Let's say you're the patent troll. Right. You win, you lose against me. Next thing you know, you have to pay for all of my fees.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Rich Demuro]

Because think about it. If you knew that you were going up against someone like, you know, that might win.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rich Demuro]

And you had to pay a million dollars, two million dollars out of your pocket because you lost this case.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Rich Demuro]

That might make you think twice about doing this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's that thing, too, of like. Well, we could just. How can you settle? We're already 500 grand into this thing. It's $500,000 is been removed. Thankfully, the lion's share of it has been money that we in the podcast community has raised. But the bill for the 40 grand I got today was not. We've exceeded the amount We've raised. That's why we thank you in advance for your participation. And that's why we're gearing up for round two. And that's why we're getting out the big guns and the big names and we're going to go at it again. But it is debilitating. And you couldn't imagine not having the support of the community that's behind us. If you. If you could just. I mean, I know it sounds like fantasy to people, like $500,000. It just seems like you're making up the number. But imagine yourself writing checks for what? For something you don't even know about. Yeah, I mean, honestly, when people ask me, well, what's their case? It's like, I don't know. I don't know if they know.

[Rich Demuro]

Well, that's part of the labeling of patent trolls, is that these cases are usually so vague. It takes this long to sort of drag it out and to make you get tired and to make the judge get tired and make everyone involved get tired and say, you know what? Let's just settle. And you may not even have a case. They may not even have a solid case, because guess what? Nobody wants to get to that point.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't have a case, but they've already removed $500,000 that could have went to juvenile diabetes. Not that I would take 10 minutes on that topic.

Hypothetically.

Hypothetically, it's already gone and they don't have a case. So that's it. We'll see in court. And it's coming in September. Can I just say one more thing? Mount up real quick about this.

[Rich Demuro]

We're gonna kick some ass because Apple is, you know, they're fighting another company. And I just love this judge, because patent troll is a derogatory term. You're basically in that term. You're saying that this is a bad company. So the judge actually barred Apple from using any of these similar terms to patent troll. So here's. Here's the things Apple cannot say in the courtroom in front of the jurors, okay, about this company that that's suing them. They cannot say they are patent troll. A pirate. Bounty hunters, Privateers, bandits, Paper, patent stick up, shakedown, playing the lawsuit lottery, Corporate shell game or a corporate shell. Those are the things Apple's banned from saying about this fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a badge of honor.

I was gonna say we should all

live so long to the day when somebody calls us a pirate, y'. All.

Pirate.

Hey, matey, welcome aboard. Want some gruel?

[Allison Rosen]

How frequently does playing the lawsuit lottery come up in court?

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah, it's like an old school term, I think, like maybe like the old. Okay, let's play this lawsuit lottery.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, anyway, we're gonna fight him, we're gonna beat him, and we're gonna start with a little news, shall we? Allison Rose. Yes, that's the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison, Allison. Oh, by the way, I'll tell you, he's been right by my side while we've been fighting these patent trolls, these pirates. No, Molly, my dog. That's why I get her the bark box. She gets the monthly treats, four to six full size products, innovative toys and gadgets, all natural, single ingredient treats. By the way, Molly's back on the chicken.

[Allison Rosen]

Coconut's back.

[Adam Carolla]

She don't listen to the ladies. She needs me standing over going, hey, Olga. And Lynette, telling them, buzz off, kiss her ass. She's eating the chicken now with me. She eats the dry stuff. It's the wet stuff, but I don't have to have to break into it. You're not a monster. Yes. Yeah, that's right. Oh, I love that little girl. I just wish she'd listen to the ladies every once in a while. In Reason, three monthly plans. Each tailor do dog size. Get the appropriate amount of treats and toys you can't wall delivered and you start a buck. Barkbox.com Adam at grooming products and hygiene products and toys, American vendors, all made here in the usa. Smart, safe. They test them on their own mutts over there. They love the dogs. They donated 150k last year to the shelters and the welfare organizations. This year they're going for over a million bucks. So 10%. All their proceeds are going to all the needy mutts out there. So sign up. Visit barkbox.com Adam. All right, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. So the Excuse me, Obama administration is rumored to be on the verge of appointing Phil Johnson, a pharmaceutical industry executive, as the next director of the United States Patent and Trademark Office. This has a lot of people upset, and you should be as well, because Johnson's past efforts have been to block legislation aimed at reining in patent trolls. So he's kind of an opponent of patent patent reform.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, he wants to rein in patent trolls.

[Allison Rosen]

Or no, he doesn't want to.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't. He Doesn't. Yeah, he's not a good guy for that.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, exactly. So he's a longtime lobbyist and attorney at Johnson and Johnson. He's aligned with forces opposing patent reform legislation, and he's testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee. In December, a few days after the House passed a patent reform bill supported by the president, he appeared on behalf of the Coalition for 21st Century Patent, which is a coalition of pharmaceutical and industrial giants that has opposed significant changes to the patent system.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird on an emotional level. I grew up with people who did nothing for me. And at a certain point, you sort of leave your parents and then the government sort of becomes your parents. I expect nothing out of the government. I never expect, like, oh, they're gonna make some wise decisions over there in Washington and this whole thing's gonna. Or it's going to save me a bunch of bucks because they're going to introduce some legislation. It's going to. I expect zero out of them. And not only zero, less than zero. I expect they're going to make the wrong decisions, and they're not going to make any decisions that help me or any other businesses like me. So we will have to do it for ourselves. And I think you probably hold your breath till you turn five shades of purple and die before they did anything that helped.

[Allison Rosen]

It's just a little bit surprising because Obama has come out and said he does want patent reform. So then to appoint someone who it seems would be anathema to that.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I would think he's a lobbyist, so he's just a mercenary. He's a hired gun. He'll lobby for anyone who pays him. So he's probably good at what he does. And Obama probably does want to do this patent reform and said, let's get the guy who lobbies very well. That's my thinking. Disagree. Do you think his heart's really in it?

[Rich Demuro]

That he's like, really, when he's done it for that many years? I think that this is. No, this is his side. He's been on the side of big business for so many years, it's tough to get on the other side. But you've got. Here's the deal. You've got the little yin and yang going on. If he gets in there, you've got. The head of the patent office is a former Google lady, so she is all about. Google is all about getting this reform. It's in their best interest to get these reforms done. So I think maybe the thinking is that they'd Make a good team, you know, he'd be like, he'd be like, oh, sure, let's just let anything happen. And she's like, no, let's not let anything happen. You know, maybe that's real. Exactly. A real life.

[Allison Rosen]

What a fun sitcom that would be.

[Rich Demuro]

What I think is interesting is the names. You have to really be wary of these names. It was like, like Caring coalition for the 21st century patent. Right. Anything that's political, you have to watch out for the name. Because whatever sounds positive is the worst thing ever for the average person.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Rich Demuro]

Like that sounds like it would be the greatest thing ever. Like, let's reform the patents with a coalition for the 21st century patent whatever. No. Well, they want us to understand the values against it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the part that people cannot, it's hard to feel it because the way we're wired is to just experience things that sort of directly impact us just firsthand. But. But God knows how much the price of an iPhone would go down or a flat panel television or an iPad or whatever technology we're talking about. Let's just say this didn't exist, this world where everyone was suing everybody and again, their business, they got to pass it along. It's that sort of thing where you're at the supermarket and someone steals a grape and someone goes, what the fuck do you care? And it's like, well, because the price of grapes is now going to go up to compensate for the loss of the grapes.

[Allison Rosen]

And if you want to see it on a gigantic scale, look at the cost of medicine.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Medicine. Or, you know, you buy a car. What percentage of that car? How much of that is litigation and being sued and protection and like how much of the cost of just about everything is because of this? So if you don't think it impacts you. It does. It's just you don't feel it. You don't. You're buying the flat panel TV for $1,299. Maybe it could have been $999, but you don't know it.

[Rich Demuro]

Right. How much of this money went to research and development? Some of these companies argue they spend more on litigation than research and development because they've got to waste all this money on needless frivolous lawsuits. And if you're Google, you're answering the

[Adam Carolla]

lawsuit and think about how it retards the process and how much further we'd be along in the R&D department if so much time and resources weren't going to this other facet of doing business. This very sad reality. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Attention World cup fans. The U.S. men's National Soccer team lost to Belgium yesterday and has now been eliminated from the 2014 World Cup.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Allison Rosen]

The game reached a full time at a 00 tie.

[Adam Carolla]

What? It's not the soccer I know.

[Allison Rosen]

And ended with Belgium winning 2 to 1 in extra time.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

It was very exciting.

We get on with our fucking lives.

[Allison Rosen]

Goalkeeper Tim Howard.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. The game of his life.

Listen, you had a great game. I was. I was great.

[Allison Rosen]

Astonishing. Sixteen saves, the most than any World cup game in the past 50 years.

[Adam Carolla]

I was happy Mexico got knocked out. And I'm now happy that the United States got knocked out. We can get on with our fucking lives. Get back to work here.

[Rich Demuro]

Productivity will be back up at the office tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, let's get back to work, everybody.

[Allison Rosen]

How is it that Rich and Brian were roommates, but Rich looks like a good 15 years younger? No offense.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian Rich, he looks brand new.

[Allison Rosen]

He's always had that.

[Adam Carolla]

Youthful. Riddled with cancer by the ninth grade and morbidly obese.

First thing you want to do, don't get cancer. After that, everything else is just smooth sailing. Now look, he looks brand new, man.

[Rich Demuro]

That's a.

[Adam Carolla]

He has makeup on.

[Caller/Guest]

That's.

[Rich Demuro]

No, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

He looks like he has makeup on.

[Rich Demuro]

Wear makeup for a lot of my day. Yeah. Unfortunately, it's a problem of hdtv. They put it on you when you get to work. I get to work at 3am every day, so that's one of the benefits.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a good looking bastard.

Yeah. He's easy on the eyes. He doesn't possess pores. Is somehow. When I used to work morning radio and have to be there at 5, 45, 57 and a half or something,

it was coming in early.

Yeah, I'd get there. What time would I average showing up for my 6am radio show?

Occasionally, I would say 30% of the time the music was playing.

Let's start the show. Music. Yeah. 559 and let's start the show. Music was 22 seconds long. Yeah. I'd show up and the music was playing. It was funny when people go, oh, he just waltzed in five minutes before the show started. It was never five minutes.

That's a wild exaggeration.

Wild exaggeration. Yeah.

I get the question. You may have asked this question. What kind of show? Prep to school.

[Rich Demuro]

I do at that hour, every. Not even minute, every second counts our anchors. You know, we go on the air at 4am Our anchors are literally walking down the hallway at 3:59 and 58 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the idea that you guys all have robotic cameras because everyone's too fucking tired to even work a camera.

[Rich Demuro]

Not ktla. We are the only shop in town. We still have real union camera guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Because every other morning, whatever I've been to, it's the only time you encounter robotic cameras. Because they're like human beings are. Cannot be trusted to operate heavy equipment or expensive cameras. But they have robotic anchors.

[Allison Rosen]

But not you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's you, Rich. Yeah. So you show up at, in a bizarre way, is somehow 3:30 better than 5:30?

[Rich Demuro]

Oh, wait, no, better than just so.

[Adam Carolla]

It's, I guess, so surreal.

[Rich Demuro]

No, like, like if I wake up, okay, so normally. So I wake up at three, I'm at work by four, like three, three fifty, four o'.

[Adam Carolla]

Clock.

[Rich Demuro]

My first, my first live hit is at 4:15 every day. So if I sometimes, like, don't have to go live in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, you know, because they do all these syndicated hits, right? Like, if I get to wake up like 40 minutes later, it is like an eternity to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Rich Demuro]

It is amazing. I mean, I'm preaching to the choir. You guys got up for, you know, the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Two of us did.

[Allison Rosen]

I. I did morning TV in New York.

[Rich Demuro]

So there you go. See, I.

[Allison Rosen]

That's earlier.

[Rich Demuro]

It's early. It's early. I.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you lived in New York and you want syndicated this way.

[Rich Demuro]

Yes. See, if I did my job in

[Adam Carolla]

New York, three hours, right?

[Rich Demuro]

I always say if I did my job in New York, I'd be three hours. I get to. Because I start in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. 4, 5, 6, 7, 15 over there.

[Adam Carolla]

And you work your way west.

[Rich Demuro]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else we got?

[Allison Rosen]

So I don't know if people tweeted you this story, Adam, but there's a dental therapy dog that is making people who are afraid to have their teeth cleaned and whatnot feel more comfortable in Seattle. This is at Innovative Dentistry. They have a dental therapy dog named Humphrey and patients can hold his paw for comfort.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, he's a three year old Labrador. Can I say this? Everybody loves a dog. And I don't need like, they do these tests where it's like, well, it turns out people's blood pressure's lowered when they're stroking a puppy. And it's like, yeah, you know when else when I'm getting a fucking blowjob. 2. I like, get my cock sucked from a puppy. Yeah, whatever. How about we weave that into the fucking dental office? Why not?

[Rich Demuro]

Well, One seems a little more socially acceptable.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but hold on. It feels good and it relaxes me. Like, I'm just saying. Yes, I like my dog. I like dogs. Dogs are good. They relax people. It's nice to pet them, but we don't need them on airplanes. We don't need them in dental offices. We don't need them at the supermarket. Like, we don't need them everywhere. We like them like many things. It's that thing where it's like, pajamas are more comfortable than jeans, but don't worry about that. But you change into your jeans when you're getting on the Southwest flight. You don't wear your fucking pajamas. And it's the same with the dog. I like my dog. I'd like to bring my dog with me to Phoenix when we are there for a weekend, but I don't. I'd like to bring the dog to the dentist's office. I like. I like the dog.

[Allison Rosen]

But if there's one dental office that has this gimmick, and people who normally have to get knocked out to have dental work done don't because they're more comforted by the dog, do you really have a problem with that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I just don't like the idea that they've permeated all facets of our society. Now that somebody tweeted me that when they left our big live show, we did out here for the road hard fans on Sunday, that they counted 10 dogs in the airport. And this is just the beginning.

I'm shocked no one brought one to the party.

That you can't. That was a blind statement that you cannot go to the supermarket without seeing someone walking around their dog. Or the mall. It's gonna be the movie theater if it's not already. I mean, it's just everywhere. Look, whether you like them or not, they shed and there's dander and there's things that come off of them. And a lot of people are allergic to dogs. Jimmy Kimmel's allergic to dogs. Like, it's going to be a bummer when he gets on a flight with a dog because he's allergic to dogs. Like, for me, it's just more of a symbolic thing, which is, let's suck it up and leave the dogs at home. I don't care. I don't begrudge the one dental office who wants to have the dog. I'm just saying. We keep talking about it, but we've turned into a narcissistic society who's decided it's my dog. I want my dog. I don't care if I'm going on a tour of the taffy factory. I'm bringing my fucking dog with me. And she doesn't have to wear a body net that's gonna hold a lot of the hair.

[Rich Demuro]

That batch of taffy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. I intentionally picked a factory that would hold a lot of hair. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, then this is perhaps more in keeping with your other idea for how to pass the time at a dental office. That makes it sound more titillating than it is, but there's a dentist's office in Manhattan that serves wine to the patients.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a small table in the waiting room with a collection of glassware alongside a bucket of bottles of red and white for patients to pour for themselves and sip at their leisure.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that against the cleaning of the teeth?

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I was thinking, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wine stains and such.

Definitely. Chardonnay.

Yeah. This is a white wine situation.

Yeah. You would. You would think. I think that's why chicks gravitate toward the white. Right? That's sweeter.

I think it's sweeter.

Yeah, but they don't want their teeth stained up.

Is that a thing?

Is that like at the party? They're at a party. Look at their lips and their teeth and all that kind of shit all over the place.

I always just thought it had a milder, sweeter taste.

It's both, but it's win, win. That's why all the Desperate Housewives and Real Housewives are drinking it.

[Rich Demuro]

Mild, sweet, delicious taste.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you noticed that weird red that sets into your lips and all that? Would you really want to be drunk while you get your teeth clean, though? Because that just seems like a vomit recipe.

[Adam Carolla]

Buzzed or drunk buzz cleaning is drunk

cleaning, you know, my feeling is I feel like we would start drifting into some territory that was inappropriate conversationally. You know, right now you have that nice, sober demarcation line between the person that's up in your mouth and you. Where there's not a bunch of talking, there's no personal stuff. I feel like a couple glasses of wine, and before you know it, it's like. I had a girlfriend that used to be a dental hygienist. She didn't think I was good enough for her. Dad didn't. Next thing you know, some tears are flowing, you're drinking more wine, you're talking about struggling with your sexuality. You know, you just get. You're just. You're getting into some stuff that you would just not get into if it was just the standard cleaning, you know what I'm saying? There'd be some opening up, you know what I mean? And there'd be this one. Your spouse would have to come pick you up, because now you got your buzz on, you know? And there'd be that thing, you know, where you start sliding stuff in, you know, like, well, she's supposed to be here at noon, but, you know, Lori's always late. You start talking a little shit, you know, and they'd be nodding, you know, and then they'd start opening up through the mask, you know what I mean? Because I feel like people are more truthful with a mask on.

[Rich Demuro]

Oh, yeah, there's that little barrier.

[Adam Carolla]

There's that little barrier. Yeah, that's right. They start talking about their. And the next thing you know, you're like, why are we with these people anyway? Next thing you know, you're hooking up, you're leaving to Vegas together. You know what I mean? I mean, that could easily happen.

[Allison Rosen]

It wouldn't go well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. It's not like when you're in a concert. Like, when your concert, you get drunk and just rock out harder.

Yeah. More into it.

There's certain things, by the way, like, I'm all for getting stoned, but you don't want to get stoned and go do something you don't want to do. I've gotten stoned and hung drywall all day, and it was the most miserable I've ever been. It's like being punished.

[Allison Rosen]

I had a friend who dropped acid and then went to court.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, that's a horrible expert witness.

[Allison Rosen]

Think about it. That's my reaction. That seems like such a humongous roll of the dice. Apparently, it went okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the. But, see, like, if you smoke pot and then go do something you don't want to do, it lasts twice as long and it makes you twice as miserable. But definitely go get high and see Fantasia. Or go get high and go to Disneyland or something. Like, go do that. Go see a band high. Don't get high and go to the dentist's office.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, because it makes your ability to tolerate an unpleasant situation, it diminishes it.

[Adam Carolla]

It.

[Allison Rosen]

For me, at least.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary, you had a friend drop acid and then go to the dean of the college to contest his expulsion. That's correct.

[Allison Rosen]

How did that go?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. That did not go well.

[Allison Rosen]

What'd he do? Or she.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he went in there and got Very loud and was spewing nonsense. And they called campus security and he took a swing at one of them.

[Rich Demuro]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he connect?

He sure did. Oh, wow. I feel like he should have. That's on him. Oh, yeah, that one is on him.

[Allison Rosen]

What was he spelled for?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't remember. I think it was a violation. I think he kept getting.

It was substance abuse, probably drug related.

I'm guessing when he drank his tea, he didn't have his pinky out. And the rules are rules.

He was finishing college.

Yes. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zibet Kant.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Oh, Rich, hang on to your boxer briefs for this one. Loot Crate. Monthly subscription box for the geek, the gamer, the pop culture guy. It's got all the items of their Star Wars, Marvel, Walking dead. Less than 20 bucks a month. You get six to eight items. License, gear, so no lawsuits to worry about. Apparel, collectibles, one of a kind items and more. 40 bucks worth of value plus 40 plus value in every crate, guaranteed. Just 20 bucks a month. Subscribe by the 19th at 9pm Pacific and receive this month's crate or that month's crate. Anyway, that's when the cutoff happens. And that's it. Do it for a friend. Do it for the gamer. Do it for the pop culture fanatic. Do it for the geek. Do it for yourself. Loot Crate. L o o t lootcrate.com ACE. Enter the code ACE and save an additional 10% on the new subscription. Lootcrate.com all right, you guys can come see us in Long Beach. Second show added. First sold out. Irvine probably going to sell out to Vegas. You can come see us August 29th if you like. Tickets going fast, by the way, for the second show in Long Beach. Yeah, my first show sold out, so second show is gonna go clean, as they say as well. My book president me. You want the jacket signed? Send it in. You want a hardcover copy of not Taco Bell material. I got 3,000 of them sitting in the back here. So buy that for 10 bucks. Will include shipping and all that stuff. So we're not going to make any money. We'll just get them out of here. Rich Demuro, KTLA TV Channel 5 out here in Los Angeles. Podcast tomorrow, daily website. Rich Demuro. That's D E M U R O.com is where you go. Rich. Thanks for stopping by.

[Rich Demuro]

Thanks so much for having me on. Pleasure.

[Adam Carolla]

Really was a pleasure just looking at you. Man, seriously, did you?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What, you held back a few grades, Brian.

Here's probably what happened. Rich was a broadcast journalism major, so he was groomed. He knew from an early age he wanted to be on camera and traded his skin. Well, for. And he also.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, because you could have been that.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Wanted to.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not on camera.

Spend a lot of time in the

sun or more than a normal person.

And was there an industrial.

19 hours a day.

Was there an industrial accident or something

[Allison Rosen]

of that kind where your mom was pregnant?

[Adam Carolla]

There was an incident, I think. Yeah.

Something wrong with the water table maybe?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Gotta be that.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, where are you from, Rich? We're gonna move there. I'm from New Jersey. We want our kids to be beautiful.

[Rich Demuro]

I'm from New Jersey. Brian's from California.

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta get out to the Garden State.

[Rich Demuro]

I'm three hours younger because I, you

[Adam Carolla]

know, the time difference.

[Rich Demuro]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So until now. Next time. This is Adam Caroll for the beautiful Rich Camaro and Allison Rosenbault. Brian saying mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, fine. Yeah, you're a little cunty.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that's Adam Curla Show 1358. Coming up next, we have Adam Curla Show 1752. This one's featuring Andrew, Natalia, Sonny, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2016. Check it out.

At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. Truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto tv Stream now. Pay Never. Oh, Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, Love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to O'Reilly. And they got all the stuff there. Mostly stuff for me, because the new stuff's like a computer. But my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free, and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you Find the right one. So whether your car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right, Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today. Or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam and that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam. Thanks for tuning in. Yeah, we're all gonna go do our super bowl thing. And a couple of few. I got the kids with me and we'll find out from everyone how that's, that's working. I'm very interested in Hail Caesar as well. Brian. Saw it Friday night at Phil's house.

I knew you were super interested because I got an email from one Corolla Adam saying, hey, do Baldiwood on Hail Caesar and figuring that you didn't make it to Phil's on Friday.

No, Lynette's been sick. I've been sick. It's been busy as shit. I had a day of Anna Faris yesterday. A lot of driving. I'll get all that in in a second. Good day, Gina. Grand good day to you. Bald Bryan, how are you feeling? A lot of that. A lot of weekends of that. But you did get out the fills.

I did not.

Oh, well, that's weird. Yeah.

That's funny because Christy was actually sick. She came home sick from work and we're like, we're not going tonight. I emailed him and said thanks a lot, but no thanks.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was like, last I checked in with you, I thought you're going.

You sounded devastated when you found out I was going, so I figured that you were going to check out at some point.

You know what I mean? I'll give you an example. I'll give you an example. Can I give you an example?

I'm all ears.

I'm a car guy.

Okay.

I work very hard. And part of the reason that I got into comedy and work as many weekends as I do is to satiate my lust for cars. And I really appreciate.

Supports the habit.

It does. And I really appreciate the mechanics and the engineering and all that kind of stuff. And so picture a guy like me or just anyone in my vicinity who works, worked his tail off his whole life, built the business from the ground up, finally squeezed the trigger and got themselves the McLaren Mercedes. And the next thing you know, they pull up to the stoplight and there's Paris Hilton and she's got a fucking Lap dog. She's sitting right next to him in the exact same car. It diminishes what he's done.

Got it. So I'm in this example, I'm Paris Hilton with the laptop.

No, you're the laptop.

I'm the laptop.

Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

In the.

[Adam Carolla]

You've diminished what I've accomplished. All right, Andrew.

Understood.

Andrew is here. I love Andrew. Hello, Andrew.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Hey, how's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

He's a poker shark.

He's a sweet, sweet spirit. And I've said I love him because he has the same thing that my son has. Whenever I come into the other office and Andrew is one of the guys we make the movies with, I go, andrew. And he goes, yes. And he does it exact the same way my son does. And it's not because you sound alike. It's because you both have a good, nice spirit to you. All right, so Andrew, you've been working on the Newman doc. You're working on the next documentary, 24 Hour War. I got a stick, a memory stick. I think we're about 55 minutes into the next one.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, Just in the second act.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, don't tell me who wins.

We got to talk about Andrew and his eating. But your overall impressions. Are you enjoying yourself? You learning things?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, definitely. This was my first job, really, out of school. I moved here in October of 2013 and started in November of 2013.

[Adam Carolla]

Where from?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Beverly, Massachusetts, right near Boston.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

And on a now how's it like you can. You can be honest? Is it okay working with me?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, yeah, I enjoy it.

[Brian Bishop]

I love the defeated gaze that goes with that question.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think the general consensus is I'm a dick. I think that could just be my wife talking for other people.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I mean, not to me, I guess would be the thing. Maybe other people feel that way.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think you're an asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Andrew's one of the good ones, so he does not feel my wrath. But Andrew's over there with Nate and Brian, who's with a wise well who's also has a very bizarre palette. And they are working on the films. And I'm sort of busting in and out of there, giving a couple of lectures, notes, and then go mussing with the cars and then it back out again and over here, back and forth all day. But Andrew's over there handling the business. Andrew, I started noticing, I realized that food is sort of the weather of today's conversation. Back in the day when you didn't have much to talk about with the stranger at the bus stop, you'd go, it's a nice day, huh? Oh, yeah. They say rain's coming. Oh, we need it, we need it, we need it. You know, but for this time of year. Yeah, yeah. And, like, a lot of that. And I realized food has sort of taken that place where people talk about the Kobe beef food truck, or have you tried. Or do you like. And you find yourself. And then I think it's an attempt for human beings to bond. I don't think it's conscious. I think you just sit there and you go, have you tried a. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. I love that place. Oh, you eat there? I love that.

Well, how many meals do you eat alone? I mean, like, dinners. You know what I mean? Like, it's a very social thing, either with a spouse or friends or whoever.

So started talking to Andrew. Now, Andrew, what do you eat for lunch? I mean, now you bring a lunch to work?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, I put, like, a Tupperware full of regular Cheerios, and then I sprinkle in some frosted Cheerios to kind of mix it up. And then.

[Adam Carolla]

Well on the edge as he says it.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

And then a tangerine with that.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you wash it down with, like, a Gerber Graduate?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I only drink water.

[Adam Carolla]

So then we started digging a little with Andrew, and I'd say, like, well, yeah, but you like cherries, don't you? Everyone likes cherries. And he'd go, I don't know. Never tried one. And I'd go, well, where do you come down on avocados? Guacamole. Never had. But it kept going. It kept going, right?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah. There's a pretty long list.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Andrew also does a thing which I will say not as annoying as what Mike August does when we go to the kebab place to eat lunch. He has to eat everything in its entirety. And then it's in order. Like, section by section, in order. So what I do, the best part about the kebab, to me, or just sort of life, is I get the piece of pita, I put the piece of skewered beef in it. Then I ladle on a little hummus. Then I grab a slice of tomato and some onion from the salad, and I fold the whole, whole thing up

into a little tzatziki.

Yeah. Into a little sleeping bag, and I take one big bite, attempting to get the proportions correct for all. Andrew eats his entire salad. Then he eats every bit of white rice.

He courses out his boring meal, and

then he eats the beef skewers, but he does not take a bite of rice and a bite of beef. To me. Peculiar.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you say?

[Adam Carolla]

Beef is too much all on its own. The bite of rice. It's nice to get a little carb in there all broken up. Still, not as bad as what I just experienced with Mike August. I forgot he ordered, like, eggplant parmesan as a sort of appetizer for me and him before. Of course, Mike's great because we had a half hour to kill before doing a live show on the East Coast. So we walked down the street. It was snowing. We went into a little restaurant, and Mike did the. Oh, we're not eating dinner. Cause we gotta do a show in 20 minutes, and we already ate a ton of Polish food. Ten seconds later, he's got a huge plate of eggplant parmesan, and he's viciously cutting everything up in advance. And it's like he's scrambling it. It's a weird. Like, he's. It's weird. It's like he's giving his eggplant parm a lobotomy. Like, it's a lot of, like, cutting. And I'm like, I wanted some too, Mike, but it feels like you've got your stink all over all of it. He had to cut it all up. I like. All it does is get cold quicker.

And if it's something like meat or chicken or whatever, it loses the juice. The juice spills out.

I don't know why he insists on this, but it's one of the many Mike things. So now Mike does that. Andrew eats everything in sequential order. But then we started talking about stuff like, well, what kind of burrito do you like? A beef burrito, chicken burrito, bean burrito. And Andrew would be like, never had a burrito.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever had a burrito?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I've had, like, half of one.

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't compelling enough to learn.

If you took the number of burritos I've eaten and put them end to end, you could circumnavigate the globe. All right.

How old are you?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I'm 27.

[Rich Demuro]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he's a superpower at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

He grew up on, like, banquet chicken strips and Kool Aid or something. Like, what would you eat? What was your thing?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Well, I had the same lunch for school every day from, like, first grade straight through 10th or 11th grade. And it was just saltines with a little bit of peanut butter in between. So two of those little sandwiches, a little thing of orange juice, and then a granola bar. So I ate that every day. My mom would just pack that for me every day.

[Adam Carolla]

The conversations we have, honestly, honestly with Andrew are when we go, you like the green olive or the black olive? Never tried an olive. Wow. When's the first time you've tried an olive?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Oh, it was when I was first working here and we went to the Cuban place down the street.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your first olive?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, and it was an accident. I thought it was just maybe a large pea.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like Nell, like Jodie Foster's character. He's just a feral child. He's never seen an olive.

I know. I was batting it like a cat.

Would you put. Would you eat pizza?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, I eat pizza, but I take the cheese off.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. Takes the best part off.

[Brian Bishop]

Why do you hate food?

[Adam Carolla]

It's like fucking pizza bread.

He likes cheese but not melted cheese.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, I'll eat like a slice of American cheese.

[Adam Carolla]

That's understandable.

Yeah, you'll eat a slice of fake cheese, but it'll peel the real cheese off the pizza.

I see what appears to be a wedding ring on your hand. Are you in fact married? What did you serve at your wedding?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I ate steak. We had steak there. So, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, look at you branching out.

[Adam Carolla]

I should tell you guys. Joe Coy and Mark Duplass and Jay Moore and Dana Gould and Vinny Tortorich are all coming up, by the way, on the show this week. Today, unfortunately, we just got stuck with Andrew. I went to. We're gonna now, Chris, are you gonna bring food out or what's your plan?

Yeah, we're gonna present Adam with the food and I mean Andrew with the food. And you are going to guess if

he will eat it or not. I spent that's good pod like the whole evening at Anna Faris house last night doing her podcast, which was really, really interesting, and bought a little Mangria. Brought some Mangria. We got a little lubed up and then we started talking. You know when people, you know, when people's characters are just who they are, comes pushing through, it's like Anna Faris could not be anything else than Anna Far in real life. Yes. Super Anna Pharisees, super sweet, super kind, had a great time and I think that's going to be available. It'll be out there pretty soon.

Is that technique?

No. I went and did her podcast. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it like theme oriented or is it just bullshitting back and forth?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a little relationship with some calls, but just some sort of general life discussion. But very, very interesting.

No exaggeration of all the very funny, talented female comedian, comedic actresses out there. She's number one for me. She's my favorite comedic actress.

Oh, well, I'll pass that along to her next I speak to. She is. And she's so. I don't mean sensitive in a negative way. Sonny's sensitive in a negative way? No, no, not in a negative way.

He's outside the room.

No. Are you kidding me? No. Sonny. We went for a walk today and there were a couple of dogs that were barking at us, like through the bottom of the fence. It's always funny.

What do they want, Father?

Dogs are funny because their snouts are 4 or 5 inches long, so they can kind of shove them through knotholes and under fences and stuff, channeling fences. And they can bark at you and be on your side of the Mason Dixon, but still be on their side of the line, you know, but it's weird. And anyway, at some point, the gate pushed open and the two dogs wandered out. And we'd stopped and I was walking Philly Cheesesteak and Sonny. And Phil's. The dog's nuts. Like, if a dog's barking at him, he lunges at him to play. He's a huge, you know, he's 80 pound puppy who wants to run at anything that's coming at him. And there's.

Dogs are like six months old or something.

He's like five.

Yeah.

And the dog's growling and barking and he. Phil's lunging at him. And so I'm hanging on to Phil and we're up the street and these two dogs come wandering out of this corner house. And I know it's a nice guy who lives there because we went caroling this year.

That's right. That's right.

And that was one of the houses where Natalia was banging on the door. Nine, ten in the evening, by the way. I had to cut it off at a certain point and like, he'd open the door and she's like caroling away. The guy turns up being very friendly. His two dogs come out onto his lawn and next to the street. And Sonny stops and he goes, we gotta go to that house and we gotta go tell the owner that their dogs are out. And I said, yeah, but those dogs were just barking at us. And then if you come up the front doorway and ring the doorbell, those two dogs may go bananas on you. And he just. We were about 100ft away and he just stood in the street and he had insane concern about these two dogs. Why the owner should know what could possibly Happen. At a certain point, we took a step toward the dogs and the dogs both barked at us as we took a step back toward the house. They didn't seem to want to leave the lawn. They weren't stepping out in the street. They were just staying on the lawn. They weren't runners and they weren't runners. And I just said, you know, Sonny, I got filly here. I don't trust those dogs for you to go walking across their lawn to the front door without one of them nipping you. And he's like, yeah, but what if they go on the street? And then he said, well, the other street's a dead end, so if they go that way, there's no traffic at least. But he really just stood there in the street as a nine year old, wildly concerned, contemplating about someone he didn't know.

That's good instincts.

And two dogs he didn't know that were just barking at him. He just has that instinct. And Ana or aunt, well, it's weird. She's Aunt Santa.

I've heard aunt.

Oh, it's on. But I'm probably wrong. Anyway. Sweet. Sweet.

[Brian Bishop]

She would have gone to that door too.

[Adam Carolla]

Completely sweet. Yes. So that was, that was kind of fun. Chris, her famous husband, was on location somewhere. So it was just the two of us. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. So Andrew, I'll tell you what we got Brian, we got Baldiwood. We got. Speaking of food, Blue Apron. Here's a bunch of stuff you'd hate, not endorsed by him. Less than 10 bucks for meal. Five to 700 calories per portion prepared in 40 minutes or less. I love this stuff. Shrimp scampi, fresh linguine fresh. Three cheese calzones. Oh, that's two and a half too many cheeses for you, right? Way too much cheese. Seared code date vinaigrette, chocolate delicious. I gotta tell you, I bring this stuff home every week. I hand it to an old guy, she whips it up and it is exactly as advertised.

And they always err on the side of too much. There's often leftovers like for the next day for lunch or whatever.

The ingredients are amazing. It's one of those things you don't think you need and then you try it and you go, never going back. Blueapron.com Adam get your first two meals [e-mail] Adam I guarantee you will be happy with this product. It is amazing. All right, shall we do Baldiwood and then we'll do Will Andrew eat it? Okie dokie. Let's do that. Hooray for Baldiwood. He will tell you if our movies good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen upon the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of Transformers to hooray for Party war.

Hail Caesar.

Yeah.

Written and directed by Joel Nathan Cohen starring Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Alden Ehrenreich. I wasn't familiar with him, but I liked him quite a bit. He was very good. Channing Tatum, Scarlett Johansson, Jonah Hill, Ralph Fiennes, Tilda Swinton and Frances McDormand are in this movie. First red flag for me with Hail Caesar. I remember seeing trailers for this, like in November, December, and thinking, wow, Coen brothers have a movie coming out.

Look at that cast.

That's gonna be. That's gonna be a pretty heavy hitter come Oscar time. And then it was like coming in February and I was like, february?

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Because if it's.

If this is a movie that feels very set up to do well at Oscar awards season, let's say, you know, with the cast and the pedigree and the Coen brothers and this and that, and it's about old Hollywood. It's. And then to just miss the cutoff by maybe like a few weeks is like, this could go south, I think

Andrew was a film major, by the way.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Is that true?

[Adam Carolla]

Did you see Hail Caesar?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

No. I'm not a big Coen Brothers guy though, so why would he be?

[Adam Carolla]

But didn't your lesbian professor love John Waters?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yep. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

How can you be taught by human being who loves John Water, who loved Crybaby?

I can't recover from Andrew not liking the Coen Brothers.

What's wrong with you, Andrew?

[Brian Bishop]

It's like the melted cheese of directors.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know where to go.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Well, I liked no country for Old Men.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? You liked that Little Diddy? Yeah, that masterpiece.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

But then you always had.

[Adam Carolla]

But that was a full length movie, wasn't it? Yeah, I think it was.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

But Burn After Reading just looked like a choreography. Like, no interest in seeing that.

[Adam Carolla]

Elizum loves that movie.

You had an instructor that liked John Waters movies telling you about movies.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, she was our first teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you should be a Michelin rated chef in that universe. All right.

Hail Caesar. Josh Brolin plays Eddie Mannix. Eddie Mannix was a real person back in the day, in the early 50s. He's a head of production at Columbia Studios. He's kind of a fixer back in the day. The studios used to have people under contract. They had contract players. And he kind of is in charge of handling his big star, who's George Clooney, and handling his production and his highfalutin director, Ralph Fiennes. And he has this new up and coming young star. He's a cowboy guy, kind of a Ricky Nelson type, meets maybe a young John Wayne. That's the guy who was the name I had trouble pronouncing. Alden Heinrich. I don't want to put the clip now. No. So there's too much plot and not enough plot. There's so many stories. I read the list of people going on in the cast. Put the. Put the poster back up, Chris, if you can. Jodah Hill is on the poster named above the line. I know he's a big star. He's in literally one scene. He's literally in one scene. And my thinking is this is not a cameo. My thinking is he was cut out of the movie because they have to make room for a lot of show pieces, a lot of set pieces. There's an aquatic dance number like that. You know, the Busby Berkeley style aquatic dancing. There's this big, you know, you see in the trick commercials, you know, Channing Tatum does this big, you know, sailor thing. Tap dancers. There's. They're making room for a lot of. They have a lot of ideas, God bless them, the Coen brothers. In this movie, there's just too much for an hour and 42 minute. Movie threads come and go. And there's a very weak sort of through line about a kidnapping that doesn't go anywhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, that's not the whole point of the movie. I thought that was the movie, the Kidnapping.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the through line. But there are many other stories. Scarlett Johansson's story has nothing to do with the kidnapping. That's just all part. Basically, Joss Brolin's like the spoke in this hub and like all of the stars and all the studio stuff goes on around him is.

Let me see here now. Matt Atchetty liked it. The rotten tomatoes.

79% on rotten tomatoes people.

What do the people think of it?

49%, which is a huge. Here, let me. Let me tell you something. The audience score on Rotten Tomatoes is often way, way, way too high for movies. The Intern got 75%, Joe Dirt got 63%, Pixels got 48% and Dickie Roberts got 47%. This movie sitting 49amongst the audience. They're not. That's not gospel. But take that for what it's worth. This is not. This is not a good movie. It's not a bad movie.

No, but you're right. When the people. When the people who wanted to see it, who like Coen Brothers movies, give it what they gave it, and then you can compare it to at 48% with the people versus no country for old men at 93 or whatever with the people, I'm sure then that's probably what it was.

I'm gonna paraphrase one of my favorite sayings of yours, which is, history will not be kind to this rotten tomato score. We'll look back at this and this will not rank. This will rank towards the bottom on the co when all is said and done for the Coen brothers, it's not a bad movie because they're so talented. Let's play a clip real quick. There's. There's one scene actually laughed out loud at this goes on for about five minutes, but I'll play a short version of it. This is Ralph Fiennes as the highfalutin director attempting. So they want. They want their, like, cowboy star to be a real actor. So they give him to Ralph Fiennes for one of his movies. And he's trying to get. It's like a, you know, British drama. And he's trying to get him to pronounce word. It were so easy. And the young cowboys having trouble with it.

With it.

Say your line exactly as I'm about to.

Just as I'm about to do. Sure. Okay.

Would the detoir so simple.

Would the detoir so simple.

Would the detour so simple.

Would the detoir so simple.

My dear boy, why do you say that? Why do you say twere?

Would you say it like I said?

Yes.

Would that it were so simple.

Would that it were sisame.

Would that it were sisament sample. Would the Would the detour sample Wash my mouth?

Would the detour.

Would the detour sample. Keep your head still.

Would the detour Simple.

Would the detoir so simple. I'm trying to say that Mr. Lawrence.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Lawrence.

[Adam Carolla]

About a minute ago, it was Lorenz.

No, we can use Christian names, my good dear boy. Lawrence is fine. Just as I call you Hobie.

Okay, so.

Would that it was so simple.

What? The detour

trippingly.

Would the detour sample trippingly. Don't say tripping.

Say the line.

Tripping.

It's a brilliant scene. I laughed out loud. And that goes on for about five minutes. And it's great sort of dry bridge comedy, but the movie needs more of that. You guys are Going to see it, and maybe you'll find it kind of charming and. And ambitious, but overall, not amongst their best.

All right.

Afraid to say.

All right. Hooray for bounty war.

[Caller/Guest]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, excited to go to Kimmel's house, go to the barn, and watch the Super Bowl. I must say, this is my favorite holiday. All the other holidays are me buying things for other people and hassles and putting up zip lines and erecting basketball hoops and things like that. This.

This is period.

Whatever station I'm at in life, this is. This is my holiday. All right. Now we're going to bring the food in. All right. And we're going to have to decide.

Yeah, we vote. Will Andrew eat it, yes or no?

First Reverie Bed. It's not a bed. It's a customized sleep system. Oh, God. I've been using, but. Jesus, I hit that. I got the remote, I hit the little 30 minute vibrate thing and just.

It must help when you're sick. You know what I mean? Prop you up, Your nose isn't running well.

What. What it does is these kids go into the next room, which is pretty close to our bedroom, and no matter how many speeches you give to Natalia, you'll just hear just like Sunday.

[Caller/Guest]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

She's like a monster truck in hell.

[Adam Carolla]

Your mom's sick. She's sleeping. She just starts screaming as loud as she can. And you put your head down and the thing, you know, people think about, you know, well, put your earplugs in. Oh, no. That little vibration, that little br. When your head's down there, it just. All the world goes away. But if you're sick again, you got to eat some soup from bed, just lean the thing up or go into zero gravity or the anti snore position anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

You're waxing poetic.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was laughing because Lynette played on her phone me snoring a few weeks ago, which people do to other people. But it's like I wouldn't have if you said you snored the night before. I wouldn't have backhanded you and went, liar. I would have went, oh, sorry.

What does she have to gain from liar?

Yeah, here's a picture of the shit you left behind in the toilet. Yeah, it's just one of those things. I know everyone does it to everyone, but I'm not sure why. Like, I believed her.

[Brian Bishop]

Was it pretty significant? I'd like to hear that.

[Adam Carolla]

It was something to be proud of. For me, I don't do much snoring, but on Occasion. It happens like tonight after the Super Bowl. After a few beers, there'll be some snoring going up. Anyway, they got a special offer. They got 250 bucks worth of accessories, and you can 0% financing. Sleeplikeadam.com People come up to me all the time and go, seriously, like the Reverie bed. I think I added something else. I'm trying to think. Get a good bed, get a good tv, get a good car. Think you had a couch, bathrobe and Get a good bathrobe and your life will be 63% better. Reverie bed, baby. Sleeplikeadam.com all right, here we go. Will Andrew eat it? Because he's picking. His lunch is plain Cheerios. Eats pizza without cheese because he eats hot dogs from the middle out. Must have a mental disease because he's. His taste buds are so f. He won't eat a pie because he's pissed. Andrew's eating is so weird. Like a toddler who is hiding

pretty good.

All right, nice. Thanks, Mike. I guess. And Dick Banks. So Andrew's all over the road. Yes. He likes plain hot dogs. He really eats them from the middle.

Do you cut them and eat them from the middle or you like.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

No, it takes about two bites. Usually you just get it right from the middle. And then I go out towards the ends.

[Brian Bishop]

Who hurt you? Why do you do that?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I didn't used to eat the ends.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't like the wrinkled part. He didn't like the wrinkled part, and he didn't. And thank God you're not gay, because that's a disaster. Going down on the boyfriend. I don't eat the end. I start in the middle and I don't eat the end.

I don't eat the wrinkle part.

And we never. We used to play this with Angie back on the terrestrial radio days, and you just never know.

She would buck one way that you expect her to go. She'd zig when you thought she would zag.

Mm. Sonny's in studio. Sonny fixed the collar and shirt.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, he looks like a badass.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't need this, do we?

All right, what do we. What do we got here? Will Andrew eats a hot wing. Ooh, a hot wing. I think it's.

Is there anything special about the hot wing?

[Rich Demuro]

Is it.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it a jalapeno?

[Rich Demuro]

Is it.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

I think the very fact that it's hot is going to turn him off.

[Adam Carolla]

He loves. And he's. You love watching football, right, Andrew? Yep. And obviously this is staple of football. Watching you Come from a part of the the country where hot wings are consumed quite often.

Bovada has a prop bet. How many wings will Buffalo Wild Wings sell this year? The over under is 12 million.

Wow, 12 million. I'm going to say no because it has the word hot in it as well.

Yeah. I say no. I think there's also an ickiness factor with it being on the bone.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Three no's.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I would not eat that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hero Chris has it on a platter. Chris is bringing it in. Somebody's gotta eat those. Oh, yeah. Oh, you will. All right, all right. Will Andrew eat celery?

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, super plain, super bland. Has a weird crunch, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, another thing that he and Sonny share is if you take last night, Lynette's laid out in bed, I gotta handle dinner. There's some leftover McDonald's. So here come the chicken nuggets and the french fries that I heat up in the oven and then throw. What Sonny wanted was a handful of carrots on the plate. Sonny will eat the carrots first. Is there another nine year old or just human being that McDonald's french fries, McNuggets, and then just plain carrots sitting next to it. Demolish the carrots first before you pick up one fry that might be a

first in human history.

Yes. Sonny's that good. All right. That's the way to do it.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Sonny.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Andrew does. He does do vegetables.

I was gonna say, when it comes down to will he eat it? This is. Do you prefer it or like you won't touch it?

I don't know. We can't define it that well. He just, he. I say he will eat it because it's tasteless. Now he's not gonna like the part that it has fiber in it. Like it's gonna probably gonna go stringy,

but that's the stringy thing jumped out of it.

But I think because it possesses no flavor, I say yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I think the stringiness is going to completely turn him off. I'm going no.

[Adam Carolla]

I say no. Also because his history doesn't lean towards vegetables like olive. So I say no, I would eat it.

[Brian Bishop]

Prove it. Eat it right now.

[Adam Carolla]

He wants to keep his job. Yeah. He does do vegetables. He does.

He's just.

Just like Sonny.

Damn it.

All right, I'm up. I got two zero. You guys one on one, right?

That's right.

Yeah.

Oh, you have one up on us.

Correct. Yeah. Here we go. Will Andrew eat a lay's classic potato chip?

[Brian Bishop]

Now, who wouldn't eat a lay's classic.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this here just to trick us?

Andrew, as you may have figured out, is very bizarre when it comes to eating.

[Brian Bishop]

And by the way, he has no tell. Look at that face.

[Adam Carolla]

Told you.

Master poker player.

Yeah, just a regular potato chip. How can you not.

Yeah, it's on there for. I mean, unless it's on there to fool us.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you too salty?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say no.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll say yes. I'm trying to get back in.

[Brian Bishop]

I am, too. And I think he'll eat it.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I would not eat that.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn it.

[Caller/Guest]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Why?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

It's not substantial enough. I like ruffle chips.

[Adam Carolla]

You like ruffles?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Discerning.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I haven't found a good ruffle in California yet, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brian Bishop]

It's not regional.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a water related thing or something. They're just.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

They're too spread out. They're wavy more than ruffly.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they have a different mold that they use in Connecticut.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, the Hannaford brand, if anybody out there wants to try it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you got your own brand of ruffled chip. So it's not a lay's ruffled chip. Hold on a second. So let me just get this straight. The taste of the potato chip, you don't. It's too thin.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

It's too thin.

[Adam Carolla]

It's too weird. So you guys have to realize that melted cheese, guacamole things, textures and consistencies factor in heavily, like a child.

Yeah, but potato chip texture has never been a problem for anyone on this earth.

[Brian Bishop]

Celery texture is horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, let's see, Brian, this could be tough for you, and the answer is probably gonna be neither, but sun chip or Pringle?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I used to eat Pringles.

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of neither.

Back in your experimental phase. Back when you're dropping a lot of peyote.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the Gateway channel.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a college thing.

You're following fish. Back then, it was a different life where he found Jesus and stopped eating prayers, cut his hair.

[Caller/Guest]

All right,

[Adam Carolla]

we're not making fun of you, Sonny. I mean, in general, yes, but not specifically. Yes. Will Andrew eat pigs in a blanket?

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, only from the middle.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. He will eat a hot dog.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think he's gonna eat.

[Adam Carolla]

He will eat a hot dog. And he. By the way, the pig's in a blanket. I know you wouldn't put mustard on it, but with a dollop of that brown mustard on it, it's so delectable.

Chris, how many total foods do we have?

Two more.

Two more.

Two more need to get close.

[Brian Bishop]

He's so bothered by the ends of a hot dog, there's really no way around it. With a cocktail weenie.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good end.

It's a good point. But he. He does eat, like, a nine year old. Like, you have to kind of factor that in, too.

The chip just threw me for. Between the Chip and the Coen brothers, I don't know what to think.

I'm gonna say he does eat the pig in the blanket.

I think he does, too. But just to get in the game, I gotta say no.

[Brian Bishop]

Logic tells us his own history tells us he doesn't eat it.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

So, no, I would not eat that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. Andrew, you beautiful weirdo.

[Brian Bishop]

And is it because of the end?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

It's because of the blanket.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Just so you think he's gonna zig

[Brian Bishop]

his ass all that every time.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Sunny, relax over there. You're not Mike. Sonic, that is. The blanket is just like a Pillsbury,

essentially.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah. I'm not a fan of Pillsbury.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, if you tried the one from Hannah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now here's the one that's gonna freak you out. To me. I have never had a bad crescent roll.

Sure.

They're all the best. Like, even if they're two days old, they're just the best.

[Brian Bishop]

Flaky.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you like croissant?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no way.

There's nothing exotic about it. It's just dough and butter.

Yeah. Now what?

It's a texture issue.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah, I just. Not. I barely ever had them, too. It's a rare thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right.

Amazing.

All right, our final food. Andrew, you should never, ever, ever travel. Never travel. Never even go to an.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I went to Montreal, and I lost, like, 30 pounds while I was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

No poutine for you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, the last one. Will Andrew eat tortilla chips?

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh.

[Adam Carolla]

Just a pile of tortilla chips.

All right, what's the score? I think I got one down. It's three to two. To two. Ace, you're in the lead, so we gotta go.

Opposite of you.

[Brian Bishop]

I can't believe I'm saying this, but the tortilla chip might be too exotic for him.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna go. Won't eat it.

Damn it. Yeah, because he's from Boston, I can't imagine he encountered tortilla chips as often as we do out here in California.

[Brian Bishop]

Do we have to?

[Adam Carolla]

We have to if you want to be in the game.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd like to be in the game.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. He will eat it. Damn it.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I will eat This.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew it.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I requested rounds, but these will do.

[Adam Carolla]

Like to round the Tostitos. All right. Did we just end that whole thing in a tie? We do have a tie. Yes. Okay, tie. We have a tie, but we don't know if we have a tiebreaker. Oh, Chris got a tiebreaker.

All right, Chris is on point.

Sonny, fix your collar. What'd you. Driving, daddy.

Also, his buttons are askew.

[Brian Bishop]

He kind of has a James Spader thing going on right now.

[Allison Rosen]

From the 80s.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You should be smoking in a stairwell and explaining to me that that girl's not our kind. A conversation that I still submitted never has ever transpired in a high school where I'm banging a hot young chick and I got my buddy smoking with his popped collar going, what are you doing with her? And I'm like, having sex. Yeah. Have you seen her dad's house? No. Too busy staring at my ceiling through her hair.

He drives a domestic car.

Yeah. Okay. It's a great sort of 80s premise, but the reality is I didn't know who had anything in high school. It was just, that chick's hot and that chick's not. That's all it ever was. Yeah, but that's all that matters. I went by her dad's place at noon the other day. He was in his bathroom. Okay, so he's not really our guy.

[Brian Bishop]

That's sad.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what do we got? It's a tiebreaker. Will Andrew eat popcorn? Oh, my God. All right. God damn, Andrew. Super Bowl's coming up today. You're just going to sit in front of the TV set, pull up a nice piece of styrofoam, and just nibble on it while you.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

While you watch the game, might have some ice cream.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, ice cream. That's right. The most insane thing is when I walk into the office and I get tag teamed by him and Brian and I'm like, you don't like pie? And they both start getting defensive, like, well, what is there to like about pie? And I'll go like, well, how about cake? Which, what do you need cake for? Who needs cake? I don't get cake. And then I'm the insane person standing in between the two people. They're like, we have donuts and ice cream. What do we need cake for? No. Pie. You like Zero pie?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Zero Pie?

[Adam Carolla]

Just for fun. Apple pie?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Nope.

[Adam Carolla]

Pumpkin pie?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Oh, definitely not.

[Adam Carolla]

Definitely not. Banana cream? No.

Chocolate cream pie. Just pudding. That would be the.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

If I had, you know, Gundam, I'd go that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Cake.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I like vanilla cake. Vanilla Cake with vanilla frosting.

[Caller/Guest]

Cheat.

[Adam Carolla]

The worst. The cake. That is the lowest on the cake totem pole for me.

What do you consider the most exotic food you like? Like, if you're going crazy?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Well, we do Fun Fridays, and we have milkshakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

That's not too.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought I put an end to Fun Friday.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Simon's keeping him alive.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. Simon's editing. Damn him.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Popcorn.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Nothing matters.

[Adam Carolla]

Plain old popcorn. Can we implement at least? If we're going to keep Fun Friday, I employ all these guys over there at the building. They're having a good time over there on Friday. Can we at least get back to my miserable Wednesdays to offset the fun Friday? Let's at least go back to that. I feel like you guys have dropped the ball on my miserable Wednesdays. Yeah. The greatest thing with Andrew is on his birthday to head to Denny's. Get the. Did we go on Nate. We go on Nate's birthday to Denny's.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah. Yep. And mine. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What'd you get? Moons over my Hammy.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

I could just get a hamburger.

[Brian Bishop]

Just a hamburger.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Just meat in the bun.

[Adam Carolla]

No. No cheese. No lettuce. No. Onion?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Ketchup?

[Brian Bishop]

No ketchup.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Caller/Guest]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the birthday meal. All right, what do we got in there? I can't even see in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Just white, plain white popcorn.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just gonna say no. I don't know how we break this guy.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we're going.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

It's not smart food, right?

[Caller/Guest]

What?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Okay, then, yeah, I'll eat it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, you guys share your victory. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

I have so many questions for you, Andrew.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what Andrew will. How's the 24 hour war going, Andrew? The next doc I know, Nate's getting ready to head off to Italy and England to interview, like, Ferrari's. Ferrari's bastard son.

Real bastardo.

Yeah. Who ran the company for a while. That's coming up, right?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah. In about two weeks, I think.

[Rich Demuro]

He leaves.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah. And so that'll be good because that's kind of the perspective we're missing at this point is Ferrari's side of everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This is Ferrari and Ford at Le Mans, the big battle that took place in the 60s. All right, so I'm going to go home actually tonight, and I'll watch the 55 minutes that you guys have whacked together after Kimmel super bowl party.

[Rich Demuro]

Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

I have some notes.

Andrew, you didn't mind my notes, did you? No, no.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

It helps improve things.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, look at that. Look at that. But true. I would show up every Monday with my yellow notepad.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Go over a ton of shit that we need to fix. Yeah. But I don't think any of it was out of the question or bizarre or just because. Right.

I was gonna say Andrew edit out all the pink elephants.

It made the process, the product better in the big picture. Yeah.

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yeah. It's always helpful to get the notes and know what you know needs to be improved and everything.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Andrew's got the kind of attitude that everyone should have. I love this kid. All right, get out of here. You're sick of me. Go enjoy your Super Bowl. I will see you tomorrow. Sitting in your office.

[Brian Bishop]

Andrew doesn't seem like he's ever taken anything personally, ever.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Andrew has. What everybody should have or what all. First off, I've retweeted this, but I mean it. All losers and a lot of sort of dumb people. But losers are a little bit passive aggressive. Just a little bit. They just kind of. Nah, you want this, you're getting that. And it's a horrible way to go through life. And it's great if you stop. If you start. Start your life in the penthouse somehow. Your dad is either last name is either Sears or Roebuck or whatever. Fine. But if you're trying to work your way up the ladder and you're just a little bit passive aggressive, it's like so many people have this disease and what it does is it retards your growth. So I'll give you an example of sort of passive aggressive. I would come in with my long list of little. When you, when you. You take home various cuts of the movie, they have the little time code next to them. You'd write, you know, 42, 13, this here, let's cut out of it. It's a bunch of nothing cut out of it two seconds later. Let's not be on him when he says it. Let's have it be over a picture of the car. You got the wrong car, whatever it is. And every once in a while you'll run into it with somebody where you'll go, I think we need that picture of Paul. After I ask Bob Sharp if Fitz. What did Paul do in the race after Fitze died and he said he couldn't continue the race? We need that shot of Paul sitting in the car looking like he's mourning the death of his. Whatever. And then at some point the person, the slightly passive aggressive person will go, I don't know. I think the flow's better the way it is now. And you go, okay, but amongst my many notes, let me see a version of this where we steal a picture of Paul sitting in the car, looking like he's thinking about his fallen brethren.

He's forlorn.

He's forlorn. And I go, yeah, I don't know. Cause the way it is now, it flows. And I feel like if you put that in, it'll stop it and whatever. And you go, I heard you the first time. Put it in. And then implement these other 15 to 25 notes I've done. And we'll take a look at the next cut. Then you take a look at the next cut, and that scene is not in there. And then you come back and you go, hey, what happened to that? Whatever? And they went, oh, we did all your cuts, didn't we? And you go, well, you did all of them, but not that one. And they go, oh, I thought, no, I did all the ones you asked for. And you go, no, you did all of them, but there is one you missed. That's the one I asked specifically for. They go, when you didn't want to do. And they go, oh, okay, so you want to try that? And you're like, okay, now we're wasting my fucking time. And by the way, guess who doesn't want to work with you on the next project because you're just a little bit passive aggressive aggressive, which a lot of people have. It's a sort of a pride, but you don't need. Andrew has no pride. He has. He's completely neutral.

[Brian Bishop]

He wants.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

But everybody in that other building just wants to make the best documentary can, including me. Including. I'll listen to whatever they have to say. That's how you get the best product. Not, hey, it's my way or listen to me or I'm gonna impose my will. So it's a sort of Pennywise pound foolish way to go through life. And a lot of people have it. And it's weird. I don't know why it doesn't serve them.

[Brian Bishop]

No. And I think most people who go through life that way feel control. That for some reason is like, oh, you like that? Okay, well, we can try it. And all of a sudden they feel like they have a little bit of upper hand, which is not actually true, but that seems to be why people do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I get that part. But if that's your version of having control in your life, you need to kill yourself immediately, if not sooner. You know, we all talk to that. Well, you know, that person behind the counter at the TSA giving you the hassle. That's their little. It's like if that's what they're getting out of life, which is busting your chops or making you do something you don't need to do or whatever it is, that's their little satisfaction in life. Their life is as bleak as I could imagine.

It's also short sighted on the, on the side of, you know, the person working on the creative venture, whether it's a movie or whatever, because it's one of the situations where a high tide lift all boats. If you're part of a good movie, whether you edit or whatever, you're going to look good because you're associated with that good product. So you should watch want whatever the route is, you should want it to end up at the final destination of being a good project.

Agreed. Jeff 27, Sacramento Jeff Ace, man.

[Caller/Guest]

Get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, man?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, yeah, I had a question. I've been a big fan of yours since I was 11 years old and I noticed listening to some of your classic love lines used to be very militantly atheist as I used to be. And I was just wondering what switched you off that, you know, you're kind of more lenient towards it now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, first off, I don't think I would typify me as militant in my atheists atheism.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, you're not, you're not, you're not. Now I'm talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

No, even back then. I'll tell you why, because I never was involved with a group. I never went on a march, I never, I never filled out a petition like I never did anything. I did a show that was about sex and about relationships and about venereal disease and condoms and AIDS and all this stuff. And I wanted people to have the morning after pill and I wanted people to have access to condoms and syringes, clean syringes and things like that. And it was all the stuff that sort of flew in the face of the religious establishment. So because it was sort of my job to say we need this for these people, it brought out more of that. I mean obviously when you're younger you have stronger, your views are a little more passionate. Back before my prostate was about to

[Brian Bishop]

explode and different priorities.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Now I'm more in the waiting to die phase of my life.

Coasting to a stop circling the drain wherever you want, say.

But yeah, circling the drain. But the point is it was also part of my thing because people were like going, well, I went to the Pharmacist, but they wouldn't give me the abortion pill. I was like, it's not the abortion pill. It's the morning after pill. They keep calling it the abortion pill. Well, the Kmart won't stock it. And it was driving me nuts because I knew all this stuff so sort of in advance. But I'll tell you, I like religious people. Depending on what religion, there's certain ones I'm not fond of. I like communities that are religious. I like the fact that it's family centric and it doesn't bother me. I don't feel insecure about it or pressured by it. There's a kind of a narcissism that's like, I don't need that in God We Trust printed on the coins in my pocket. It's like your pocket, your coins, your this, you're that. Shut the fuck up. Who cares?

Extreme atheism becomes its own religion at a certain point. Life becomes your dogma.

Extreme atheists are sort of extreme narcissists. It sort of becomes about me. I love Jews. I love living in a community. There's a church up the street from my house. I like it. I walk by there. There's functions, there's people that have showed up to worship. I know those people, by and large, do a better job taking care of their kids. I know, by and large those people do more community outreach stuff and more volunteer work, by and large. And I like that. So if you were to ask me, I'd rather have more of them. So, I mean, I don't believe in any of it, but I don't care.

[Caller/Guest]

What about in terms of. For instance, there are certain candidates running for president that want to use biblical scripture and enforce it as part of. As part of government law in terms of marriage equality, abortion, prayer in schools. What's your stance on that?

[Adam Carolla]

First off, I'm way more angry at the group like the ACLU who wants to get rid of, of the God and the Pledge of Allegiance than I am of the God part. I don't like that part. I don't like that, oh, the Ten Commandments are in front of the school library and they have to tear them down because you've offended a Muslim child. I fucking hate all that. Now, the part where, well, once Ted Cruz is elected, then he's gonna. First he declares war on isis, second, women. He's gonna declare war on women. You're gonna lose the right to choose and blah, blah, blah, it never happens. It never happens. The right, left, whoever, whenever that doom and gloom. We love to talk about it, you know, it's not gonna happen.

Yeah.

It's just not. It's 2016. I don't worry about it.

Yeah, and candidates coming out against abortion, for example, pardon the pun, but they're preaching to the choir. They're trying to excite. Never overturn the law. That's never gonna happen.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, and so I might be wrong, Jeff, but what I think you might be asking to that end is does the pandering to those communities turn you off? Even though everybody knows it's not gonna do anything?

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody's gotta pander to everybody to get a vote. And I get it. I mean, look, you know, Bernie Sanders is pandering to 22 year olds who want everything for free. I mean, it's the ultimate pandering. Hey, you're young, right? You're a million years away from collecting Social Security. You got a huge college debt. Wouldn't it be nice if that just disappeared? And you should just. Uber should be free. People should just pick you up when you're drunk at a pub and take you somewhere else. Why did you have to pay them for that? So everyone is kind of pandering to somebody.

It's universal.

[Brian Bishop]

They're base.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, thanks, Jeff.

[Caller/Guest]

I totally agree with you, Gina, also on that point. That's kind of what I was going for. And I understand that Congress is never going to let it happen. And all this. I was just wondering. So you don't. You don't care that these people are running on these specific issues and they're trying. You're right, they're pandering. But you, who, as an atheist, I don't care about the Pledge of Allegiance and all that stuff, that doesn't bother me whatsoever. And people are way too offended all the time over bullshit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

You talk too much.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, I don't think any of it comes to fruition. I'm not worried about it.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And you shouldn't either, by the way. You shouldn't worry about them doing anything positive either that you do agree with. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Not happening.

[Adam Carolla]

Obama. I don't know what Obama's done that involved hope and change, but I don't think it's changed or hoped any came out any differently than the last seven years.

No one should have been either direction.

Right. Whatever he says he's gonna do. Look, he says, you know, Ted Cruz says it's gonna shut down abortion clinics and you're gonna be able to do your taxes on a postcard and just send it in everyone. There'll be a flat rate of 20% or whatever it is. That's not gonna happen either, of course. So don't worry about it.

[Brian Bishop]

That would have been nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing's gonna happen, but, God, that would be so fucking. That would be so sweet. All right, let me just blow through a couple calls, and then we'll get to the news, shall we? Shall we?

[Allison Rosen]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Chad. Chad, 37, Washington, D.C. speaking of politics. What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Chad, Ace, bald Gina. I love the show. Thank you very much for taking the call. I appreciate it.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Caller/Guest]

I had a situation that I wanted, your take on, Adam, where I was at a concert, and it was at a venue where there was kids, and around the merch booth, there was, like, four or five kids. And I walked up there to buy a CD or something, and they were all playing with, like, these trucker hats. Like, the band was selling trucker hats. And they. They were 10 bucks a pop. They weren't that much. And I just said. I looked at them and I said, hey, everybody, pick out a trucker hat. And they all went crazy, and they went nuts, and they all wore them, And I paid the guy and walked away. And as I walked back to my group, everybody that was with me to see their concert, like, hey, what did you buy those kids hats? And I said, yeah, yeah, it was funny. Like, they went crazy, and they said it was inappropriate, and they said they wouldn't be surprised if the parents came over and confronted me about it. And I was taken aback by it quite a bit. And I thought of your conversation you had with Koozie, the guy that was like, your mentor. And I was like, is this where we're at, where everyone is so protective of these kids that I do something like this and people think that I have ill intentions? And a relationship like the one you had with a guy that clearly had a big impact on your life, could that even exist?

[Adam Carolla]

But, Chad, just to play devil's advocate, the fact that the hats all said USS Muff and then said Official Diver underneath them, I could see where some parents. Yeah. Even though the kids were probably too young to understand the joke, the parents.

Yeah. Hindsight 20 20. Chad, you meant well.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I did mean well.

[Adam Carolla]

What did the hat say? Did the hat say anything on him?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, it was. It is a band who. I think his biggest hit is called Adderall, so probably not the most appropriate gift, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you should be all right. But there's no Accounting for people like my, my, my kids went on a walk with Olga and Philly Cheesesteak. And Phil, all he does is describe. Described before, just pulls. He just pulls a leash and anything he comes up to that's either a bird or another dog or anything with a heartbeat, he wants to get on top of and play with and pull up and he's getting big and he's getting strong. And I think they were walking up to the market or something and of course he does the hard lunge. And there was a woman walking out of the market and she just said, control your dog. And then did a. And then, yes, Brian said like, Jesus Christ. As she walked away. And my kids were, did she hit you with it? Well, I never, I wasn't there. My kids were there and Olga was there and Philly Cheesesteak was there. And my kids were like really put off by it. And we had to have like this conversation when we were walking that Friday night to go get something to eat. Like, why would she be mean? Like, why would she do that? I was just like, I'd explain her this. Some people are saying, just sort of mean people, like, there's a lot of them out there. And like, what was that all about? Phil's a cute little puppy and what he didn't get, didn't even make contact with you or anything. And I was like, so a lot of people just go through life that way. By the way, I'd like those people put in a car crusher because they end up making us all miserable. They really do.

The default setting is unpleasant.

Yes.

Right.

Because by the same token, if I, I've taken Phil for a walk, had the exact opposite experience where it's like the woman comes up, oh, look at him. Oh, oh. I had a chocolate lab for 13 years. Oh, come here, you.

Come here, you. That's 100% on you, how you choose to react to that situation. I understand being a little freaked out if a dog lunges at you, but take stock. That's a five month old puppy and he's excited, he's on leash. It's not like he's off leash.

No, but my kids really wanted to know why this person would react this way and why they would pronounce it and sort of put out the heavens, verbalize it. And I was just like, listen, people are shitheads. So listen, Chad, Sarah, here's the good news. As I was explaining to you Anna Faris yesterday in her home, in her living room, she wants everyone to like her. And I've always said you shouldn't want everyone to like you. You should want people you like to like you. And people you don't like, you should want them not to like.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to fucking deal with them.

Interesting.

So you'll find out which parents are the good ones and which ones aren't by which ones come back with this.

[Caller/Guest]

Do you think Anna Faris husband ever comes up to her and says, you know, everyone that works with you thinks you're a dick? You think she has to go through that?

[Adam Carolla]

Doubtful.

[Brian Bishop]

That mom.

[Adam Carolla]

No, there's no.

Jenny was talking shit about you.

Yeah. No, that's only when Lynette and I argue. But then I. There's no. There's no. There's no comeback. You guys have a disagreement. There's no comeback. Because I go, they don't think I'm a dick. And they go. She goes, oh, well, they're not gonna tell you.

She got you. Yeah, she got you a corner there.

Yep. I never do, you know, all I do is. Andrew worked on the. He worked on road hard. Then he worked on winning the 20, winning the Racing Life of Paul Newman. Now he's working on the 24 hour war and he'll be in on the next project as well. So if he thinks I'm a dick, he has a large. Is he super low self esteem or high tolerance for pain?

[Caller/Guest]

Are there any plans for winning to come out on Blu Ray, by the way? I meant to ask you that.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. We'll work on it. We're selling a lot of units and maybe we'll do that. And also Andrew will never experience me being a dick because Andrew's the best.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you imagine trying to fight with Andrew and how infuriating that would be because he wouldn't give that big reaction that so many people want.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Andrew's just one of these guys where I say less provoking. I wish I'd say to Andrew, you're giving me all these memory sticks. I get all these sticks.

[Brian Bishop]

Like little USB drives.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Little thumb drives or whatever.

All these sticks. And I don't know which is which. And I don't know which is which cut. Is this the last cut? Is this the latest cut? I said we need little tabs. Put the little tab on it. Put the date on one side and put the title on the other so we know what product and what, whatever. And he went, okay. And that's it. And that's the only way I've gotten the tab. Now we can do the dance of the tards, where he gives me the next stick, and I go. And it doesn't have anything on it. And then I go, andrew, remember? And then he goes, yeah, they don't have those, you know. And then I go, yeah, but they do have little keychain, little throwaway, little cardboard things with a wire. Well, they have those. Well, do they have a little tab on the stick that we could. Well, they have those. Well, could you. Well, you didn't say that we could do that. Or you could just fucking do it and then do it this way from this day forward, and then we could never talk about it again. And then every single stick, and we got a lot of these memory sticks floating around, will have the date on them and the title, and that's who Andrew is.

Stupid fucking Andrew. Face full of Cheerios.

[Brian Bishop]

Is he the only person in your life that does. Does what he's asked the first time?

[Adam Carolla]

Sonny?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Second person.

[Adam Carolla]

Nate. Listen, Natalia gave me this morning, oh, my phone's dead. Can I plug it in at work or can I plug it into your. Where you're. And I said, why is your phone dead? And she said, well, it was in my backpack, and I didn't plug it in. And Sonny plugs his phone in before he goes to bed at night or tablet or whatever. He plugs. Whatever he needs, he just plugs it in. And she said, yeah, but it was in the backpack, so it just died in the backpack. And now we're leaving for the day. We're coming here. We're going to Kimmel's. She wants her thing. And I said, plug it in every night before you go to bed, and then never think about that again in life or have a lifetime. It's like you're being sentenced in a weird sort of purgatory. Kind of. You're sensing yourself. Not hell, not brimstone and fire. Just a short of. Yes, you just. It's purgatory.

Dipping your toes in the river sticks.

Yeah. Yeah, it's.

It's purgatory.

Yeah. It's like you're tormented by the devil, and you're not sodomized by the devil. It's just a life of. Oh, this isn't charged. This is. Oh, and now you're getting into this weird panic mode where it's like, we're leaving. Well, my phone's not charged. It's like, why replicate that behavior? Why not just do this? It is insanely simple. It's insane how much pushback there is to that general life concept. There's a ton of pushback in life. I don't meet successful people that push back on that concept. Andrew is young. Andrew gets paid by me. Andrew realizes that. I don't tell Andrew, Andrew, what I need you to do is get in a clown suit and do push ups over a plate of hippo flop. Everything I tell him makes sense, exists in reality and has in gravity. And then he goes, okay, because we do have a bunch of these sticks floating around and nobody. And they start to gather up on your desk and you're not sure which one you looked at last. And he goes, all right, and then that's it. Now we may get on to the next. This, by the way, is how you do two documentaries simultaneously. You don't spend a bunch of time trying to figure out which stick is which stick. All right, let's see. Ray, real quick, New Jersey Ray. Hello, Ray. What's going on then? We're doing news.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, I saw a commercial the other day that I haven't heard you complain about. I'm wondering if you saw it. That the Buick commercial where they're having a conference call in the girls Buick and then they get caught buying smoothies by their boss. And then their boss asks around the room who wants a passion fruit smoothie? And the entire room raises their hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh no, it must be a new commercial.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I think it's called Tina's New Buick. If they want to look it up,

[Adam Carolla]

we're looking at it now. Nice blue lighting. Passion fruit. Boy, Brian, remember when it was just iced tea I used to complain about with passion fruit?

Yeah, it's in city. It's in all of our culture now.

Can anyone think of something that has spread more than passion fruit in the last eight years from not existing? Not knowing what one looked like. Andrew said he's only had a baker's dozen of raw passion fruit since he's been out in la. You could not identify passion fruit and it didn't exist to it is now in shampoos.

Yeah, it was like, remember wild cherry was a big thing like in the late 80s, but that didn't have anywhere near the staying power.

And cherry berries at least existed like passion fruit. No one knew what passion fruit was. No one ever bought a passion fruit.

I remember going to Hawaii for the first time and like, was it like a passion fruit margaritas? Like that's a real thing. Like, oh, passion. That's a real thing.

I think it's because we're stupid, because passion fruit doesn't taste like anything but sweet it doesn't like banana. Tastes like banana. And then strawberry tastes like strawberry. But passion fruit.

You're talking about the flavoring. Yeah, it just tastes like generic sweet.

Generic sweet. It has the word passion in it.

[Allison Rosen]

So it's exotic.

[Adam Carolla]

So. Yeah. It conjures.

One of the worst songs ever laid down to a wax cylinder was Passion by Rod Stewart.

You'd think he would have done.

It's one of the worst musical efforts ever. And it was a huge hit because it had the word passion in it. I don't know if I learned. Even the president needs it.

Even the president needs. Right. A lot of rapping.

Oh, God. All right, let's see the commercial. It's. Sorry, where are you guys using the built in wi fi and Tina's new Buick. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

That doesn't look like a Buick.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, who wants goodies? Is that passion fruit, Jeremy?

[Andrew (documentary assistant)]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

With beef on. I'll take a passion fruit.

Anybody else? Now current lessees, by the way, it's so sad. We've jumped to sharks all over. It's never a good sign when you're doing a commercial. And the thrust of it is that doesn't look like one of our old products. That doesn't look like 200 million units of over the last 77 years.

[Brian Bishop]

This thing actually looks nice.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not a Buick, is it, Cheryl? Yeah, it is. Really? Fuck.

You say it's nice.

Why would I would be seen in that?

Yeah, I wouldn't be ashamed to park that outside of the garage.

I would angrily attack that with a seal bat. It's not, you know, you don't see so much of that from Lexus and Audi and Mercedes. You know what I mean? You know, people. That's not a Buick, is it? Buicks are Buicks. I guess it means you need a little revamp, I think. So Sears and Buick have. Have to have had to travel down

[Brian Bishop]

that same path sort of in the. Like the passion fruit. I didn't know that we still made Buicks.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we have the commercial. But didn't anyone else we stopped but Buick. We got one commercial and Chris, this is on the fly. I didn't give a heads up, but I did notice. And it makes me like Jack in the box. Even though I don't need a jack in the box bucks. I realized they've been running this commercial where it's like, oh, the loggers, they're all falling asleep. The lumberjack. The lumberjacks are all falling asleep. They're falling asleep hanging from a tree on the job Sling with a. Yeah. Chainsaw. The other guy's heading toward one of those big circular saw blades and he's

asleep on James Bond style.

Yeah. He's the only thing. And I thought to myself, in commercial, literally in commercials where you show a minivan going straight down a highway like one of those desolate strips on the way to Vegas, it says, closed course professional driver. Do not attempt. And I always think, if I can't drive this minivan on an open road with no traffic going the right direction, if I can't do this in this car, I cannot. If I have to hire Hal Needham so to drive me around because he's a professional stunt driver. Like if I can't just go in a straight line in this fucking car. But every single car commercial and every commercial says do not attempt. Do not professional driver close course. And then everything where a six year old wishes mom would turn into a giant blizzard shake. It'd go a simulation fantasy sequence, blah, blah, blah. Look at this. McDonald's Jack in the box commercial, they got a bunch of lumberjack jacks falling asleep in front of chainsaws. And there's no do not attempt tired breakfast and had a tired day. They weren't lumberjacks falling asleep with a chainsaw going, oh, God. Then one day Jack showed up with a breakfast burrito powered by jalapenos. It didn't just change their morning, it changed everything. Turning these tree loggers, now these are actual very dangerous.

Yeah. Life threatening tables.

Life threatening. Okay, so here's the answer when you talk to the lawyer who makes sure that the minivan has the close, close course. Do not attempt professional stunt driver. Do you need to have that? Because I just saw a commercial where a guy was sleeping on a log being propelled toward a 30 inch saber blade. And there was no do not attempt or stuntman or professional whatever fantasy sequence. And you know what the answer is? Well, they're taking a chance.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Evidently it's okay with them and their national chain. So here's my whole point with all this shit. Do we have to have it? Well, of course the answer's no. I just showed you a commercial where a guy was passed out with a chainsaw that was running dangling from his arm while he hung from a tree, which is a much more dangerous endeavor than driving a car in a straight line.

[Brian Bishop]

Dangerously close to his shin bone, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so do we need this? No, it's a bunch of fucking lawyers just being assholes and a bunch of companies being pussies.

Yeah, I remember when I first started getting Christy, I asked her about those things because she worked for a car company marketing for a car company at the time. And her thing was. And a lawyer. But she had been told you actually have to be able to do all of the things that your car does in the commercial or else you have to label it fantasy sequence, you know, or some other, you know, label it.

The greatest of all was a subaru commercial from 10 years ago where they would say, we're all wheel drive. And they showed all the other cars driving around tilted up at a 45 degree angle with their rear wheels 8ft off the ground, just driving like, hey, you're driving a Honda. You're driving a front wheel drive car. This is all that's on the road. We got all. And they had a do not attempt.

Yeah.

And it's like how, Matt, you drive a Honda, you ever try to just get the rear wheels off the ground seven, eight feet and just drive around that way? Oh, yeah, every day. Every day. How could you even attempt to do. It's literally not a thing. It's not a thing. It's impossible.

True.

[Brian Bishop]

Can't be done.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of cars, speaking of mad Uber, baby. Need a little extra money.

A big day for Uber today. It's the day we're taping this.

Do it the easy way. Uber, they got a smartphone app, connects ride with drivers. Now, Matt, you're going to drive. I'm not doing it today, but I'm watching the game. But I got to say, there's people out there who do not care about the game.

And this is like Brian said, a

perfect day to be Uber driving. All the rates are up. Take people to their parties, take them home, make good cash.

Today I guess you're like, matt, you got enough money, you don't have to do it.

Well, bad news, Matt. I want you here cleaning today with the TV off. So there'll be no Uber money, but there'll also be no Super Bowl.

[Brian Bishop]

Your miserable Wednesday came early.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, you want to make some extra cash, drive with uber.com, sign up for free, answer a few questions, and you're on your way. Look, all I want out of this society is Uber. That's. I want Uber schools, I want on demand, I want Uber, I want pothole fixing. Like, I just want. I just want the people. Just let the people come in who said let, let, let, let someone who wants to make a buck, who's enterprising. And the people, believe me, if the product's not there, they're not gonna keep sending their kids there. They're not gonna keep calling for Uber. It's just all I want is these options. That's what I love. Uber, to me, is like a metaphor for this country. Wow.

Well, also, it's quite a read.

Well, there's a thing too where you go, like, there's this part, like, remember, you'd think, well, what else is there to invent? Like 10 years ago, like, everyone's got a phone, everyone's got a computer, everyone's got a back scratcher, everyone's got. There's not. There's nothing left. There you go. There's 500 different vacuums. You think you're gonna come up with frames for your glasses that didn't exist, but then Uber comes along and you're like, oh, we just keep inventing things. It's uber.drivewithuber.com. all right. Should we do a little news?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. But can I tell you something really fast? I heard something, I think, on Marketplace or whatever on nerd PR the other day, and they were talking about how when we talk about the market setting the price, the best example of that is an auction. And they did a whole thing about the ground excavators and the tractors and did a whole thing about it. And that is the best example of the people setting the price.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Speaking of people in auctions, I think a Ferrari sold for $35 million. I know people go, it's just one car.

It's just a bunch of metal.

Dude, 35 million. Last weekend I turned on the TV to have it. You know, these stories are supposed to be super uplifting.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you look at them through my shit smeared lenses, they're not. I was watching receiver for Denver Broncos. I think it's Demary Thomas. I looked to Brian for this, but I think Brian's setting something up. Demaris Thomas.

What about him? 88 to broadcast receiver.

Yeah, he's. There's an uplifting story about his mom missed the first super bowl because she was in jail.

That's right.

But now she's been paroled, evidently. Like a 43 year old woman. Like, could you imagine? Hey, Brian, good news. Your mom's getting out of the job. This is such a feel good story.

Just in time for my Super Bowl.

And then they go back to like the desk and all the guys are like, it's a. It's, it's more than a game. It's about family. It's about relationships. She's gonna be there cheering her son on for the first time. And it's like, all right, I know this is a feel good story to you, but I'm looking at it in a different way, which is, why is this guy's adult mother in prison?

Why has she never seen him play football? He's been in the league for several years.

He also probably played a little college ball as well. Anyway, there's your $35 million Ferrari. All right, let's do. Let's do what we got here. Give you the news with drag. News with Gino grad show. Big Congress tech news folks as well.

[Rich Demuro]

News.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me news with Gina grad. Weird shit out of Florida sex servants. Obama need News with Gina Gina the news with Gina Grad. I will tell you, if you guys go to the Goodwood event in Chichester, you will see that car, that $35 million car, or cars just like it, possibly worth more, getting thrashed. Damn guys. Thrashing them.

[Brian Bishop]

That's insane.

[Adam Carolla]

And then putting duct tape on them.

F me money.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Brian Bishop]

On the night of the Republican debate in New Hampshire, Bernie Sanders decided to try his hand at comedy. The liberal presidential candidate appeared alongside Larry David on SNL in a skit about who gets to be saved first if a ship is sinking. In this clip, David plays a rich guy from a wealthy family who doesn't get why he can't be first on the lifeboat while Sanders comes in to set him straight.

[Adam Carolla]

We need to unite and work together if we're all going to get through this.

Sounds like socialism to me.

Democratic socialism. What's the difference?

Huge difference.

[Brian Bishop]

Huge.

[Adam Carolla]

Huge. Huge.

With a Y.

Who are you? I am Bernie Sanders Witzky. But we're gonna change it when we get to America so it doesn't sound quite so Jewish. Yeah, that'll trick em. Hello, everyone. I've got great news. What we crashed into was Liberty Island. We're in New York. Everyone off the vote. Yeah, the. You know, it's weird. It's sort of on. It's sort of with the reality now. Reality shows are getting cooked. But. But all anyone wants is the truth these days. I feel in everything.

Okay.

And that this is the Bernie Sanders. This is where the Bernie Sanders versus Hillary Clinton thing comes in.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why people like Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although Trump.

[Brian Bishop]

From his heart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although Bernie's, even Bernie's probably more authentic in his own way. But I just realized, I don't know, it's a good sign. It's a good. It's a turn the corner moment, I think.

For who?

Our society. I think for a million Years, I mean, I had been bothered by these slick politicians, the professional politicians. And why are they taking all this money? And of course they're in the pockets of the people they took the money from. You have to. There's no such thing as taking money from somebody and not returning something. The reason, by the way, it's the same argument I make with fences. You know, when they go, well, fences never kept anyone out or kept anyone in. It's like, oh, you know what?

Why are there so many of them that were true.

The first fence was probably built 500 million years ago. We would have stopped, stopped that experiment right quick. You know what people didn't really like and weren't that effective. Eight tracks and beta, we stopped like we will stop doing stuff that doesn't work. Fences are at an all time high. So you can't tell me me while simultaneously there are 5,000 fences being built as we speak that fences don't work. And there's no such thing as I will accept money from you and you will get nothing in return or you can just keep your fingers crossed and hope that I will not be moved one way or the other by the money. It's an inherently flawed and it's impossible idea. And it's always bothered me and, and I've always hated that part of our political. And I don't think you should be able to give money. Look, if you get pulled over and the cop goes, hey man, you're doing 85 into 65. And you go, you know what you guys risk your lives for what, what do you guys start at $63,000 a year and you risk your lives. You risk. You're putting your life out there. You don't know who you. I mean, you got a good guy this time, but you walk up on any card anytime you get some crazed gangbag. Let me give you. Just take $100. Take 100 now. Look, if you want to write the ticket, write the ticket. I'm not going to totally separate. Totally separate, but make it $200. Here's a couple of twenties. Just go ahead. Let me just tuck that into your front pocket there where you keep the pen. I don't know why you need that special shirt where that. The special miniature pen pocket. Can't just keep it irregular. Okay. But anyway, I'm just going to stuff that in there. Well, everyone would go, that's totally illegal. It is totally illegal. Cannot be done it. I could never make the argument with a straight face to anybody like the judge or this guy's Commanding officer. Look, I'm a generous guy.

[Brian Bishop]

No influence.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the kind of guy, I go to Home Depot, the guy gets me some anchor chain, I'll give him five bucks. I'll give the guy at the Starbucks counter five bucks. That's just me. These guys are out busting their ass, putting their life on the line. What's wrong with the little tip?

I didn't expect anything for it.

Right? No, Yeah, I didn't. I had nothing to do with the tip. Ticketing and. Yeah, okay, he chose not to write me a ticket. Give me a warning. That's his choice.

[Caller/Guest]

And if.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, if he wants to give me an escort back to Kibble's house, that's mighty kind. And offer to hang out in case I have a few too many pops and give me another escort back to my place. Well, that's his prerogative.

Can't stop him.

All right, so we all agree. All right. That's insane. And we don't want to live in that. I mean, I'd like to live in a society, but we don't want to live in a society. Work. You can just pay off cops. That's what you do. We talked to the guy from. Where in Africa?

Oh, Kenya.

In Kenya. And I said, is there any Albert Alfred? Is there such a thing as a ticket if you have 20 bucks on you? And he's like, no, no, it's lawless. Okay. But for the politicians, no problemo.

That's okay for that.

And none of the same rules exist at all. Or motivation or emphasis. So we're supposed to believe that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well. And remember, there was a guy trying to change the policy to get every candidate. Or maybe it was everybody in Congress to wear sponsorship patches like NASCAR to show whose pocket was in whose. It's kind of great.

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like I don't think you should be allowed to take except any money. I think that the network should put on X amount of their debates and whatever it is. And I also believe if you wanna find out about your. And they should not allow to have any commercial. What? What? What?

You're an idealist.

Well, you can't. You can't advertise tobacco. You can't advertise certain hard liquor or something like that. It's all right. If you would like to learn about your candidate, you can go to the local library and. Or online to their website and you can look and you can educate yourself on that candidate and then you can go vote. I want a smaller group of smarter people voting. They've Done the most commercials. Yeah.

All right, the educated people, I mean people that choose to educate themselves about the issues with candidates.

What's next?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, speaking of the smooth politicians.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, you take a proposition, you take one where Big oil, Big tobacco or Big evil whoever is gonna throw a whole bunch of money at it. Now the real reality is they wanna raise. They want to put an extra $0.02 tariff on a pack of cigarettes and give that money to the Children's Leukemia Foundation. But who has the money? The tobacco company has the money. Who buys all the commercial time? The tobacco company. Guess what their version of that is. You see what I'm saying? You're not going to get Prop 184, this. You're going to get their version of what that is and how. Now those then will create a gray market and a black market for tobacco products. And you don't want gang bangers going to Vegas and buying in unmarked vans and coming back. And then you sit home because only commercial you've seen is dozens going, well, no, of course I'm against 184 because I'm against gang bangers going into Henderson county and buying generic cigarettes and selling them so they can buy more Uzi ants ammunition. So that's the version you get. Well, shouldn't that be illegal because you're lying and you're forcing people to do something. Like maybe you would vote for this, but not after this.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's very slippery slopey.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my thing is. Here's the way to end it. No commercials. No political commercials. Well, this guy's raised the most money because he's got the most big business to endorse him and thus he can run the most commercials. The good news is the Internet's destroyed at all.

It's true.

[Brian Bishop]

Doesn't really matter.

[Adam Carolla]

Jeb Bush has a war chest that's over brimming and nobody gives a fuck

somebody's doing anything for him, right?

Bernie Sanders got nothing. And here he goes. True. It's now ruined. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the 6th street viaduct in LA, known for its many cinematic appearances, has been deemed structurally unsettling. So the city decided to demolish it over the weekend. This required the closing of the widely used 101 Freeway and several other freeways nearby. So LA Mayor Eric Garcetti decided the best way to get this news across about all the closures would be for him to slow jam the News in a YouTube video. So I don't know if you've seen this, but this has been everywhere the last Few days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he used the jazz.

[Brian Bishop]

The Roosevelt High.

[Adam Carolla]

Roosevelt. Yeah, Roosevelt. Hi, Jazz fan. We're always on the move, but this weekend, no, we're not on the move. Stuck in traffic. You. Because you won't do anything. We call it the 101 slow jam. So he has asked my friends from Roosevelt High to help get the word out. You guys should watch this. Just to try to figure out what country, what city he presides over.

I mean, it looks like Blade Runner, but also, let's get to New York

to build something beautiful. So on Friday night, February 5th, the 101 freeway east of downtown will take a break for 40 hours. First off, there are 42 Latino people behind him and nothing else right by itself. You've got to get out on the. The town. We've got detour set up. All you gotta do is follow the signs. And remember, Metro is there for you all day, half or morbidly, a piece.

By the way, the social media manager for the mayor's office need a race. This is pretty brilliant. I don't know how entertaining it is, but it's a great idea.

[Brian Bishop]

And even gotten a plug for Metrolink.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah. Here's the deal. You pay a good sound engineer to microphone. There's a student to know his microphone. Yeah, whatever.

[Rich Demuro]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Should have used road. Yeah. Find out what the graduation rate is at Roosevelt High School because the dropout rate was.

It used to be all Mr. A.P. because of him.

For this, it was under 50% if you entered the ninth grade.

It's tough.

Yeah. All right, where were we? I think they've tried to remedy that, but you figure it out. Anyway, Chris will it up.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the Carolina Panthers headed to face the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl 50, and they ended up with a huge cheering section beyond all they all let

[Adam Carolla]

out of the joint months earlier.

[Brian Bishop]

They've been parted beyond all the Panther fans who attend the game just because they wanted to. Every Panthers employee was in attendance, thanks to owner Jerry Richardson. And that's no small gesture, by the way. 630 people traveled under the team's umbrella. So between the chartered flights, the hotel rooms, the super bowl tickets themselves, he spent a shitload of money. And I think who did this before someone did it for the NBA and they ended up buying, like, 150 hotel rooms.

[Adam Carolla]

I should say Mark Cuban, for some

reason, it may have been. Yeah, maybe.

This guy just looks like central casting. Is the owner of an NFL franchise, does he not?

Based in the South. Yes.

Yes, he's. This looks like, the richest, whitest. He should be like next to Don Johnson on a horse in a Tarantino movie, right?

Absolutely.

He just looks that part.

[Brian Bishop]

But a nice guy. It's good to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good. And I think I feel like Carolina, last time they played, they played the Patriots and they were not Carolina. Oh, I'm sorry.

Denver.

No, I'm on Carolina.

Sorry, what were you about to say? I don't think they played the Patriots.

Wait, didn't Carolina lose? Wait, wait, who played? Wait, who? Wait. Oh, that was like 10 years ago. Yeah.

Oh, yes. Sorry about the Jake Delome era.

Sorry about that.

Yeah.

Jake Delome. Yeah. I don't think they. I don't think they entered. I don't think they entered that game. Brimming with confidence.

No, no, no. That was the third Patriots championship.

I feel like they're entering this game feeling pretty good about their chances.

I love. The game's already happened by the time people have heard this.

Yes, I know.

It makes me nervous that all the sharp money's come out late on Denver, you know, like Cousins Alpic, Denver on espn and.

Well, now with standalone with six points. But I'm all for it. Anyway, graduation rate at Roosevelt was 43% the year before.

Yeah, 2015 it was 74.8, but the

year before that was 43.

They've improved.

Yeah. So still more than 25% of the folks that enter do not graduate. So anyway, work that into a slow jam there. Work that into your fucking slow jam. Get your fucking schools fixed. Would you quit fucking kibitzing around? Jesus. God damn it. The year before that was less than 50%.

That's pretty low.

Well, that might be something for the mayor to discuss.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'm not sure these students would know what kibitzing was.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good point.

[Brian Bishop]

Something to think about. Well, Yahoo News reports that in an effort to keep.

[Adam Carolla]

And wait a minute. I want to see those kids again, I swear to God. Look, you do the fucking body mass index.

Come on. They're kids.

Well, they're going to have diabetes in their 20s. I mean, it's a health. It's a health crisis. There are a couple of kids that are going. You go ahead and comb. Here's what I'd like. You tell me, Max, Patty, you have to make this call. Look, the fucking BMI index, which needs to be adjusted completely, but if you are 5, 10, you're supposed to be like 144. Everyone's supposed to look like Andrew, all right?

Malnourished.

Every single one of These kids is carrying around an extra £25 according to health. What would be a health standard?

Government released health standards. Yeah.

Yes. And what would be, I think if you spoke to a physician, I would say three quarters of these kids are carrying around extra £20. Would that be a fair assessment?

On average? Probably.

Okay, well, there's something else. According to the charts, there's something else to do a slow jam about how well, rhymes with jicama. Be careful.

One of them might have down syndrome.

So one of them has a.

The one on the right's dragging the average down. Oh, Brian, come on, buddy.

Yeah, there's. There's a guy. But the ladies are big, the fellas are big.

Come on, they're kids.

This whole thing where. Look, if my kids are 25 pounds overweight when they're 16, I'm going to say to them, put that cookie down. This is a health issue. All we do, by the way, it's this weird thing. All everyone does on the left is talk about preventative everything. Like, you can't smoke if you smoke. Well, then we have to pay for that. We have. You're smoking. Yeah, no, that. Well, that's my choice. No, that's not. Not your choice. It's not your choice because who's gonna have to pick up the bill for this, that and the other? And I don't wanna wear a seatbelt. Well, you don't wanna wear a seatbelt, but you gotta put a seatbelt on because you go through the windshield of that Buick, which you're still making, then we're all gonna have to. Well, what about everyone has diabetes? What about everyone's fat? What about everyone's heart? Everyone has heart problems in their 40s and 50s.

[Brian Bishop]

Now you're just body shaming, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So the same people that say, no, no shame are the same people that go, yeah, but we all have to fit the bill. Foot the bill for the fill in the blank. Well, this is the ultimate foot the bill. Look, you smoke for 45 years, you fucking have a coronary and you die. This overweight is a lot of joint problems. Oh, you gotta have your hip replaced. Hypertension, a lot of missed days of work. Okay, so I'm just the ass wipe who says the mayor ought to check out the kids that are packing on a couple extra behind them that probably aren't graduating and focus on those two problems as well as the closure of the bridge. That's just me. Okay. All right. Kids are getting big and it ain't a good sign. All right, let me Talk about something that's gonna put me in a better mood. Lifelock, baby. Mmm. Identity theft. No one ever stole one of those kids sandwiches. But I'll tell you what was stolen identity.

The.

That's right. I like to do a slow jam on identity theft. Look, LifeLock, they got proprietary technology. They detect threats. They will. They will save you and your good name. And by the way, once your credit gets screwed, you can't unring that bell. Look, no one can prevent all identity theft or minor. All transactions, all business. But LifeLock, you got the best in your corner working for you. They start at just 9.99amonth, plus applicable sales tax. It's LifeLock. It's 2016. You need it. It's LifeLock, Dawson. Call or visit LifeLock.com now to experience the peace of mind only Lifelock can provide. Use Promo Code Adam. That's Promo Code Adam. Receive a special 10% discount exclusively for our listeners. All right, just so people don't think I'm a dick, I like these kids. But if you like these kids, just like if you like your kid and your kid is falling behind in math skills or English skills or writing and spelling, you would then want to correct that problem. I think being overweight as a young person is a universal thing that you will carry into every aspect of your life, which will hurt you socially. I don't have the data in front of me, but I'm guessing heavier people are discriminated more against in job interviews.

Well, it's a health issue, number one.

I mean, number one, they don't pay the insurance. Yeah, but also, when you're mean, like,

for them going forward in life.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, when you're doing the thing and you need the hostess at the Cheesecake Factory, you get the slim chick over the chubby chick. That's the way people work. And people talk about discrimination all the time. That's a form of discrimination. So because I don't want the kids discriminated against, and because I don't want them to have a type 2 diabetes, I would ask the mayor to do a slow jam about celery. Okay, Andrew, eat it. All right, let's do one more.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, one more. Then it's got to be this one second. I don't know if you saw this, but the GOP debate kicked off with the most bizarre candidate walkout of all time, Ben Carson.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I saw little bits and pieces of this.

[Brian Bishop]

Worth seeing. If you haven't, here's what happened. Ben Carson appeared to refuse to go on stage. The moderators forgot about John Kasich and both Carson and Trump had to eventually be sort of begged to come out. The moderators quickly blamed the disaster on the loud applause. But it looks like Ben Carson was the reason that this all went off the rails. It's kind of long. It's like a minute and a half. And it's visual. But it's so good.

[Adam Carolla]

If it's visual. It's fine. We'll just, I, it's worth it. All right.

[Rich Demuro]

Narrative.

[Caller/Guest]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie comes on out. No problem.

[Allison Rosen]

Raven.

[Adam Carolla]

Now Ben stops. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

He's like he got stage fright or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you not hear his name? I don't.

I think so. I, I, I believe the applause screwed with him. But the stage hand is going to push him out there.

[Brian Bishop]

He's trying to go. But now Ted Cruz is going to go. He doesn't know what to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Ted keeps walking after you.

[Brian Bishop]

Still standing there.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to like Ben Carson. I, I do. I want to like him. But there's something off about that guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Very odd. Still standing there.

[Adam Carolla]

Still standing.

Rubio. Yeah, he's still standing there.

Did he say Trump's name? Yeah.

Trump just went. Screw it. I think Trump's just going to go out there. Actually. Trump just handed him his car keys. He thinks he's a valet.

[Brian Bishop]

Jeb doesn't know what to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Most of these guys seem like varying degrees of non human.

Yes.

This politician.

Go ahead. What are you gonna do? Be involved with this. Hang back.

[Brian Bishop]

So Trump and Ben are just kind of hanging out. They're showing three empty podiums come out on the stage.

[Adam Carolla]

He's standing there as well. Dr. Carson.

Yeah. And Donald Trump and.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, we're missing somebody.

[Adam Carolla]

God. Trump's just standing back there. This is where they need the sandman. From the Apollo right to the debate stage.

[Brian Bishop]

Sweep him in.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweep him in there. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They said last.

[Adam Carolla]

Third time his name has been uttered.

[Caller/Guest]

Now.

[Adam Carolla]

Kasich. Rubia. Can I introduce here?

Yes, yes. We're going to introduce Ohio Governor John Kasich.

[Brian Bishop]

Very awkward start.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm guessing they couldn't hear where they were. But Carson, Carson is an odd duck.

Seemed like the, the speakers are pointing towards the audience and not towards the guy. There was no, they couldn't hear anything.

[Brian Bishop]

He couldn't hear. But they just made a bad situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't they usually have a stage manager at these things? There was somebody who was peeking their head head back there.

[Brian Bishop]

But he did the greatest comedic thing as A stage manager, he kind of gave him the go for it. And then when Ben wouldn't move, he gave him kind of a screw you hand flip and then went back.

[Adam Carolla]

We're all going to head off to watch the super bowl. So we'll get our final sort of predictions here because it'll be comical when you guys hear this first. Chilling Tales. Podcast one. They got an app. They got Chilling Tales. They got. It's one of the many podcasts climbing the charts. Spooky performances of Edgar Allan Poe in interviews with YouTube phenoms like, I don't know if you know, Mr. Creepypasta. Spike. Mr. Creepypasta Edmund. I went to high school with that dude. Go download the Podcast One app today. Go to the store, go to Google, Play Podcast one. Make sure you got it. Give a good review. Chilling takes at Podcast one. All right, give us a prediction.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going to say Panthers by a very, very small margin.

[Adam Carolla]

All the label.

We need a score.

[Brian Bishop]

I can't. All right, all right. Is this a score? 31 to 27.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a good score. And that's right at the spread or the initial spread.

All the late money's coming in on Denver, and all the late money says a close game. I've always thought I was going to be a big Panthers win since the beginning. I got like 28 to 10, maybe even 35.

10. Yeah, I'm with you. I'll just knock it down. I'll. I'll throw in one garbage touchdown at the end that they give that the team. Yeah, they give that thing. I'll. I'll go. I'll go. 27, 17. Panthers with the late garbage coming in on the. You know, maybe it'll be a 27. Oh, we're going to look so stupid tomorrow. Well, look, at least we're doing it.

Why not? Denver wins. 1714.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to see us look stupid in person? Irvine. Alonzo Bowden's going to be up on stage February 17th. Coming up, North Hollywood, El Portal, Dr. Drew up on stage February 27th. Denver, St. Louis, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland. Go to AdamCoroll.com find out all the. Take a knee and all the stuff and all the mangria and all the stuff. Have a great time. Enjoy. And until next time, this is Adam for Anthony, Andrew and Gina and bald Sam. Mahalo

[Caller/Guest]

Sunday.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Caller/Guest]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

This Adam Crow Show, 1752. That does it. This weekend's Cruel Classics. Make sure to tune next weekend for three all new installments. Until then, mahalo. And get it on.

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