South Carolina Convict set to be executed by Firing Squad + Comedian Elon Gold + Comedian Carol Leifer

Summary

Episode Summary: Adam Carolla Show Release Date: March 9, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla engages in a lively and humorous conversation with fellow comedians Elon Gold and the legendary Carol Leifer. The trio dives deep into the art of comedic impressions, shares personal anecdotes from their careers, and touches upon a significant news story regarding a unique execution method in South Carolina.

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Comedy and Impressions

Elon Gold on the Craft of Impressions Elon Gold initiates the discussion by highlighting the nuances of comedic impressions. He emphasizes that successful impressions require not just mimicking a voice but capturing the essence and cadence of the individual.

• Elon Gold (02:44): "Can you relate to this? Yes. Okay. I don't mean to condescend and say what you don't do and don't understand... But impression people. I don't call myself an impressionist. I'm a comedian. I do impressions."

Comparing Trump to Chris Rock Adam Carolla draws an intriguing parallel between former President Donald Trump and comedian Chris Rock, suggesting that Trump embodies the repetitive and observational humor style of Rock.

• Adam Carolla (05:30): "Chris Rock could take a one-hour special and trim 67. By the way, when people ask me, who's your favorite? I say Rock."

Developing Obscure Impressions Elon shares his journey of stumbling upon unique impressions, like that of Tom Papa, and the challenges of keeping them fresh and relatable.

• Elon Gold (08:09): "You can't relate to this because you don't do impressions, but people who do impressions, you can't relate to this."

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Personal Anecdotes and Experiences

Adam's Encounter with Jerry Seinfeld A significant portion of the episode revolves around Adam Carolla’s interactions with Jerry Seinfeld. Adam recounts a memorable moment at a Porsche event where he attempted to showcase his rare Porsche 935 to Seinfeld.

• Adam Carolla (32:18): "I ask him if he'd like to step over here, 100ft away and see my Porsche race car. And here's what's his."

Jerry Seinfeld humorously declines, leading to a recurring joke throughout the episode about the elusive Porsche.

• Jerry Seinfeld (32:45): "No. I don't own that car anymore."
• Adam Carolla (32:52): "That was the one out at Gooding, right?"

Building Bridges with Carol Leifer Carol Leifer shares her journey from aspiring comedian to a writer for Seinfeld, highlighting the importance of networking and seizing unexpected opportunities.

• Carol Leifer (100:30): "I wrote the understudy together with Rick Mitchell because people need to make speeches. They're completely afraid of it."

The Role of Mentorship and Support Both Elon and Carol emphasize the significance of mentorship in comedy, with Carol recounting her experience writing for iconic shows and the support she received from established comedians like Bette Midler.

• Carol Leifer (121:53): "Bette Midler knew Marge from the old days in New York when she was starting out in cabarets. And she said, I'm going to come out and do it for Marge."

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News Segment: Execution by Firing Squad in South Carolina

Breaking News Introduction The show transitions to a breaking news segment where host Jason Mayhem Miller introduces a significant event:

• Jason Mayhem Miller (77:31): "Convicted double murderer is set to die by firing squad in South Carolina on Friday, the first execution of its kind in the US in the last 15 years."

Adam's Take on Execution Methods Adam expresses his bewilderment and frustration with the ongoing debates surrounding execution methods, particularly focusing on the firing squad.

• Adam Carolla (77:42): "I don't get why we argue over firing squads all the time. Like, we do lethal injection, but then somebody's a conscientious objector..."

Discussion on Execution Ethics and Practicality Elon and Adam engage in a candid discussion about the ethics and practicality of various execution methods, debating the humanity and effectiveness of each.

• Elon Gold (80:45): "They have to. He has to wear a hood. That's weak sauce. If you're man enough to kill people, then you're man enough to die, right?"
• Adam Carolla (80:51): "Yeah. Also, I also picture the guy who's... like, could you imagine getting into an Uber? A guy smoking, smoke, cigarette after cigarette..."

Public Perception and Media Portrayal The conversation also touches on how the media portrays these executions and the societal implications of reviving such methods.

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Final Remarks and Upcoming Guests

Carol Leifer's Insights on Speech Writing Back in the studio, Carol Leifer discusses her book on writing funny speeches, offering valuable tips on maintaining brevity and engaging the audience.

• Carol Leifer (99:37): "People need to keep it five minutes or under. And under. Yeah. Because how many events have you gone to where... you have to listen to one more of these."

Closing Banter The episode concludes with Adam promoting Carol’s upcoming book and sharing final thoughts on the events discussed.

• Adam Carolla (135:11): "Carol Leifer will be in studio right after this... How to write a funny speech. And I want to know about this book for a wedding. A bar mitzvah graduation."

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla (05:30): "Chris Rock could take a one-hour special and trim 67."
• Jerry Seinfeld (32:45): "No. I don't own that car anymore."
• Carol Leifer (121:53): "Bette Midler knew Marge from the old days in New York when she was starting out in cabarets. And she said, I'm going to come out and do it for Marge."
• Adam Carolla (77:42): "I don't get why we argue over firing squads all the time."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show masterfully blends humor with poignant discussions on comedy, personal growth, and societal issues. Through engaging dialogues and insightful anecdotes, Adam, Elon, and Carol provide listeners with both laughter and thoughtful reflections.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, in this episode, legendary comedian Carol Leifer joins us. Elon Gold is funny as hell on this show. We got the news as well, and we'll do all that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting in 2025. Whether you're a seasoned fan or a first time better bet, Online is your ultimate game day companion with the largest selection of odds on everything from NBA college basketball, exclusive in game live betting, Betonline is your ultimate game day companion. And if you like the NHL, you like a little hockey or the UFC, if that's your thing, Betonline is your number one sports betting source. From every three pointer to every hat trick, Betonline has you covered with the odds, stats and more for every single game, every play and every win. It is Betonline. The game starts here.

[Elon Gold]

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[Carol Leifer]

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[Elon Gold]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Elon Gold]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Carol Leifer]

Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedians Elon Gold and Carol Leifer. Plus we'll do the new and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now when Gavin Newsom speaks, he finds it very moving, as in it makes him want to move. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get a choice to get a mandate. You get it on now. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling friend. We love that about you. Carol Leifer's coming in later. She's a legend. Elon Gold's a living his legend out right now in studio. Elon's got a stand up Special, Elon Gold's 40 minute comedy special.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, it's available, taped at the Laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Factory, available as we speak on YouTube. Always good to see you, my friend.

[Elon Gold]

Can I say first of all, thank you for having me. When I think about all the Jewish comedians you could have had as a guest and I heard it was down to me and Zelensky, it was, it was down to me.

[Adam Carolla]

If you were 5 foot 7, yeah, you could pass yourself Off Zelensky.

[Elon Gold]

I just want to apologize for wearing sweatshirt in the show. I should have put a suit on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'd asked.

[Elon Gold]

It's so disgusting. Because he comes into the show and he wears a pink sweatshirt and he looks so horrible. You know, you got to put a suit on when you meet the president. You gotta put a suit on. You know what, I'm not asking for like a Canali or a Hugo Boss. Just go at Zara's. Go into Zara's. You know, the pants, they could be $59. The jacket, matching jacket could be $79. And you have yourself a suit. You look so horrible. I tried to go to Westfield, Century City Mall and I went. And they couldn't find. Couldn't find parking spots. I just drove around the block.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I, you know, it strikes me, it strikes me that. And I just thought of this. But Chris Rock. And I'm not saying this because you do a Chris Rock, cuz I have no idea if you do a Chris Rock. But Chris Rock, when he does stand up, he does it like Trump. When Trump is sort of telling a story. So Chris Rock, he'll go, women love to snoop through your shits. They love to snoop. Women snoop to snoop it. And Trump will do the thing where he said he's doing a State of the Union or whatever. And he's like, this young girl is playing volleyball and there's a male on the other side. And she gets hit in the head with the ball. And she's never seen anything like it. There's nothing like, like it's weird observation. It's like weird side talk. And it's like, yes, she got Chris Rock. Women snoop. Now do the joke.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't do three women be snooping. And then do the joke. And Trump, this chick got beaned with a volleyball, hit by a dude. Right? That's the story.

[Elon Gold]

We don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. She's never seen anything like it. She was 14. She never played a dude. And everyone who gets concussed by volleyball has never seen anything like it. Because it's only one time you get destroyed by a volleyball.

[Elon Gold]

Yes. You're making two points.

[Adam Carolla]

I made it into my middle age without ever being devastated by a volleyball. You can find Trump.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In that hit with the volleyball. And he just, he just sits there.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris Rock, one hour. Chris Rock. Set would be 14 minutes if he just repeated every joke up nine times.

[Elon Gold]

You're making two observations. But my favorite one is the first one, the volleyball thing's very good, but the observation that. That Trump is the Chris Rock of presidents. He is that the repeating. Like when he talked about. Just the other night, he talked about the mice. He goes, you know, you look at the transgender mice and they're not doing very well. You know, they don't know, am I Mickey? Am I Minnie? What am I? I don't know what to be.

[Adam Carolla]

His two hour speech could be 36 minutes. Stop. Yes. She was hit with a volleyball. Now what?

[Elon Gold]

Hit with it. And it was so bad. You know, you look at it and she was hit with a volleyball. It was such a volleyball. And you look at volleyballs and I know a lot of volleyballs. And this volleyball was so. And it's the same with Rock. The girl was hit with a volleyball. Hit with a ball. A ball. A volleyball hit with a ball. It's like, we could do this in three minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never said it to the man.

[Elon Gold]

That's fascinating.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris Rock could take a one hour special and trim 67.

[Elon Gold]

By the way, when people ask me, who's your favorite? I say rock. And yet we just got into an email fight.

[Adam Carolla]

You and Chris Rock, yesterday.

[Elon Gold]

Not really a fight. I sent him. You don't understand this because you don't do impressions, but people who do impressions, you can't relate to this. Yes. Okay, I don't mean to condescend and say what you don't do and don't understand too late. But yeah, you don't understand a lot of things. Yeah. But impression people. I don't call myself an impressionist. I'm a comedian. I do impressions. You know, I was born with a gift. And that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

That is.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, that's it. And I just.

[Adam Carolla]

You can do it. You can do it or you can't. Yeah. It's like some people can take their tongue and roll it.

[Elon Gold]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't. Right.

[Elon Gold]

That being said, when you stumble on an impression, okay, it's the most exciting thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Stumble onto a new one. Correct. Versus stumbling in the middle of one.

[Elon Gold]

No, what I'm saying is when you.

[Adam Carolla]

Say stumble on an impression, that means you could be fucking up an impression by stumbling in the middle of it.

[Elon Gold]

How about happen on when you happen upon.

[Adam Carolla]

Happen upon.

[Elon Gold]

When you happen upon an impression in the forest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah. And then all of a sudden you go, you go, oh, my God, I can do this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Elon Gold]

And when they're obscure, you know, anyone does a trump, it's like boring and annoying. You know, like, remember in the old days, it was when we were growing up, it was Reagan. Everyone did a Reagan, right? Or a Johnny Carson. Everybody had a Johnny Carson. When you happen upon a new impression that's more of an obscure one, like I have now. You're not gonna believe this. A Tom Papa. I have a Tom Papa.

[Adam Carolla]

I got news for you. You got a little Tom Papa in you. Just sort of naturally, I don't know, bud.

[Dawson]

Genetically related.

[Elon Gold]

Well, guess what's crazy about this. And I wasn't. This wasn't planned either. And I sent this to Rock. I got so excited, it was like two in the morning. All of a sudden, I started talking like Papa. So I sent it to Jeff Ross, Ari Shafir. I was like, guys, I have Papa.

[Adam Carolla]

All the greats. Also has. Some people have a tone, and then some people have a tone and a cadence. Correct. And Tom Papa has a cadence which is equally as difficult to mimic. I'm not taking anything away from. Is his.

[Elon Gold]

Well, guess what else he does repeats. So here. I don't remember how to do it. So I. I recorded it, and then I'll see if I could mimic it. Let's hear. Let me see. Okay, Tom Pop, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Figured it out.

[Elon Gold]

You have to talk condescending and a little gay. It's a little gay. You gotta be repetitive.

[Adam Carolla]

Repetitive, repetitive. Anyway, it's true.

[Elon Gold]

That's it. Say Rock and Trump. And I'm like, I send it to everyone. I was so happy about it.

[Adam Carolla]

You should be.

[Elon Gold]

And then Rock sends me back like, cool. Congrats, man. I wasn't sending this. As if, hey, I cracked the code. You're gonna be so happy for me. I was just like, isn't this funny how stupid his cadence is?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

You know, even though we love him.

[Dawson]

It'S a smiling smut.

[Elon Gold]

It's just fun. When comedians make fun of each other, it's with love. Unless we hate the guy. Everybody loves Tom. So I go, isn't this the silliest cadence? It's a cadence. And he repeats it. A cadence.

[Adam Carolla]

A cadence.

[Elon Gold]

You know, it's almost Carlin esque.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember Carlin used to go, yes. Yeah, come down.

[Elon Gold]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna come out and then come down. Oh, also Leto.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Leto. You know, it goes up.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, it goes up and then it comes down. Oh, this is good. Hip hop.

[Adam Carolla]

This hip hop to say babies, you can do lineup.

[Elon Gold]

But who does a papa?

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody does a papa. Nobody does a papa Papa. All right. And it's true. Look, all praise Elon. Because when you said, you know, you do a Tom Papa, I was like, okay, but what's that sound like? But when you did it, I was like, oh, yeah, right. Oh, yeah.

[Elon Gold]

And that's when it's exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what it's like? It's like what, Tom? Papa of Impressions is like a massaging chair. Where you see, you know, you're at the airport and they got the chair and it's $8,000 and it's at the Sharper Image and you go, who needs a fucking 8,000? And then you sit in it for like three minutes. You go, oh, yeah, yeah. Now I need one of those. I used to feel that way with you and Tom Potts.

[Elon Gold]

You were mad at me for bringing up a papa.

[Adam Carolla]

How dare you blindside me with a pop. And then it made you so happy. Doesn't sound like that. No papa. No.

[Elon Gold]

Why is he doing a papa? This is crazy. Oh, Jerry. He's got a papa. Papa. Papa. He's got a papa. It's like. It's just the best when you happen upon these impressions.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It's.

[Elon Gold]

It's perfect, you know, I don't do weirdly Elon Musk. Kyle Dunnigan does it the best. And when I see someone that nails it the first time, people don't realize that impressions are observations. Just like any standup observation.

[Adam Carolla]

Ironic. No Elon for you.

[Elon Gold]

What? No elan. And then when I see. When I see Dunnigan do it. He's been on the show, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, I seen him on it.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a friend of the show.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, he's a friend of the show. So am I.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, we have the volleyball speech. By the way, we can. I'm gonna drift too far away. Let's hear it now. Again. He's going full Chris Rock here. Here he goes.

[Carol Leifer]

Three years ago, Peyton McNabb was an all star high school athlete.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way. Pause it there. When I heard Peyton McNabb, I was like, NFL's greatest quarterback. That guy had a can for an arm and he could scramble, too. But I say, go ahead.

[Carol Leifer]

One of the best preparing for a future in college sports. But when her girls volleyball match was invaded by a male, he smashed the ball so hard in Peyton's face, causing traumatic brain injury, partially paralyzing her right side and ending her athletic career. It was a shot like she's never seen before. She's never seen anything like it. Peyton is here tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody. First off, triple down. If you see a volleyball coming, then you don't get hit by the volleyball. So you've never. We've all Never seen anything like it. Because you literally don't see it. That's why you get concussed. But I love that he does that little sidebar. As if we wouldn't. As if we'd be confused.

[Elon Gold]

What happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Is that dating a volleyball? No, she was.

[Elon Gold]

Never seen the volleyball.

[Adam Carolla]

She didn't see the volleyball.

[Elon Gold]

Was the volleyball on hinge? Is that where. And then she swiped left on the volleyball.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing like it.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, but by the way, unlike Biden, he goes off prompter, right? So that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by the way, this is him on prompter, still doing extra sidebar.

[Elon Gold]

But imagine if the prompt, a prompter said, never seen volleyball four times. Never seen volleyball. And he's just reading it. Never seen it. Never saw the volleyball. He didn't say it. She didn't say it. Never saw. And he's reading still.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear it one more time. I just want to hear the last 20 seconds.

[Elon Gold]

But he only repeated twice. Usually it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, he's on prompter, right? And he's got a fucking speech, right? He's not hanging in with Fox and Friends. You know what I mean?

[Elon Gold]

Never seen the volleyball. Never seen the volleyball.

[Adam Carolla]

Never see the joke. Let's do the joke. Get to the podcast part of the volleyball.

[Elon Gold]

Yep, he's still the best.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Carol Leifer]

All right, here it is, partially paralyzing her right side and ending her athletic career. It was a shot like she's never seen before. She's never seen anything like it. Peyton is here tonight in the gallery.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, it would be funny if she stood up and was hit by volleyball. Like, if somebody had any sense of humor, they just stand three feet away just out of Cameron. She just stand up, just hit her. Just beat her like really quick with a volleyball.

[Elon Gold]

Just the volleyball coming in.

[Adam Carolla]

The Democrats were all right with their little fucking ping pong paddles and all their monsters, but if they brought a volley.

[Elon Gold]

Oh, oh, oh, that would have been so good.

[Adam Carolla]

Could you imagine?

[Elon Gold]

Can we get serious for a second?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. I'm still exploring. We got plenty of time to get serious. Jasmine Crockett, if she brought a volleyball and just stood right out of camera range and when she stood up, just beamed her on the head with it. Fox the next day. I mean, can you imagine Hannity that night? Like the explosion, the explosion of anger.

[Elon Gold]

That's a great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

How would.

[Elon Gold]

No one thought of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobod thought to bring a volleyball.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, someone vetted the speech, right? And they go, okay, at this point, we'll talk about the kid with cancer. He gets up at that point, we talk about the girl with a. We throw a volleyball, right? You vet the speech. Then you come up with ideas like this, right?

[Adam Carolla]

The kid with cancer. We put the guy in the grim reaper robe and he just stands up right behind him. And while everyone is clapping, he just stands there with his.

[Elon Gold]

Not yet, pal. Do some tricks with it. I'll tell you a brilliant idea. Just this.

[Adam Carolla]

Just quick to volleyball. Yeah. I'll tell you what I learned watching that kid who had cancer. We'll get serious now.

[Elon Gold]

That's what I want to do.

[Adam Carolla]

The kid that had cancer had. The 13 year old that had cancer at age 13, riddled with cancer. They call it brain cancer, but it's head cancer. Your whole head has cancer. That 13 year old kid riddled with brain cancer and head cancer with 13, 13 surgeries, riddled with cancer, riddled has a better mustache than Jay z. A mogul 50 year old. That 13 year old with head cancer has a better mustache than Jay Z does. That's what I thought.

[Dawson]

I believe that's the reason for the cancer, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

The mustache grew in too good.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought the volleyball. It'd be funny if the vote callback Elon, the volleyball hits him too.

[Elon Gold]

It's the kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone gets hit with a volleyball.

[Elon Gold]

Everyone that stands up gets him with the volleyball. Great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Great st. We do the chick first. She gets hit the volleyball. Then this kid stands up, gets hit the ball. Then there's the guy who is the injured Iraqi veteran. He brought volleyball. And then we do the callback one where it's like by the time the fifth person gets clipped with the volleyball, then he's like. And an 86 year old January 6th protester. No, stand up, Agnes. And she's like, I think I'm good. No, stand up. I'm fine, I'm fine. She's looking over. That's the callback.

[Elon Gold]

You have the callback, I have the finale.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's go.

[Elon Gold]

Trump says God bless America. 100 volleyballs, everyone. Just volleyball.

[Adam Carolla]

We go full French fart.

[Elon Gold]

It's like a beach ball thing at the concert. Everyone's doing this. Of course the Democrats wouldn't hit the volleyball. I can't believe they didn't stand up for this kid. They didn't applaud this kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen here, the thing.

[Elon Gold]

Oh, we talked about that yesterday.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's a great no. So what Trump is doing is he trolls these people, right? So. But also do the math. Like they've been Calling Trump Hitlerian and Hitler for four years or eight years or six years or whatever, they're calling the guy Hitler. Elon, if you were at a Hitler rally or a Hitler State of the Union and he started talking about a fireman who was severely injured, would you stand up for Hitler?

[Elon Gold]

Well, actually, the actual Hitler. The scenario is Lon Gold, the biggest Jew on Earth. The biggest Jew is sitting at the Hitler rally, right? And he's going, what's the scenario? We have kids with a cancer and he's brain. It's a brain. It's a cancer. And now Elon go. Sitting in the audience, right? This is not Elon Musk, by the way. This is Elon Gold. Does Elon Golf stand up for the kid? He absolutely does.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Elon Gold]

He absolutely does.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I knew Elon was a hero. Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

Because he's standing for the kid, not the Hitler.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm not defending them, but I'm saying they called the guy Hitler for the last few years, so it stands to reason they're not gonna applaud when Hitler cues them.

[Elon Gold]

That's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all I'm saying.

[Elon Gold]

Fine, Right. When Hitler cues them. But you have to look past that and go, we're applauding the kid. The triumphant child.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't know what they don't have. Here's what Trump does. He trolls them. He does what Mayhem knows. From the combat world, they would always say this in the boxing world, they go, we're going to drag him into the deep rounds and drown him.

[Elon Gold]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's that. No one knew what the fuck they were talking about, but somehow we're going to drag him into the deep rounds. Yeah, I'm going to do that with George Foreman. Yeah. He's going to pummel me for the first eight and a half rounds, but then I'm going to get him into the deep water when he's gassed out from concussing me and hitting me with his volleyball hands. And then I'm drowning him. You know what I mean? They thought it was good, but that's what he does. He trolls them. Because he goes, I'm done with NAFTA and I'm putting tariffs on Canada, and I'm thinking about buying Greenland and turning into a golf resort. And they're all like, boo, boo, boo, and I want to eradicate AIDS in Africa. And they go, well, fuck that, right? And they go, oh, you guys just said you didn't want to do away with AIDS in Africa. No, we got trolled. He's smart. He knows the. And he sets him up. He goes, these people aren't going to stand up and applaud for anything. And they're like, you're damn right we're not going to applaud for anything.

[Elon Gold]

That, that, that kid, we have his.

[Adam Carolla]

Mustache and Chasey's mustache.

[Dawson]

Cutest little black kid on earth, just.

[Adam Carolla]

So you better mustache and Chasey, definitely right.

[Elon Gold]

So just so you know, that kid, the. The original brain cancer kid was white. And then Trump said, let's make him black. See if they get up for that. If we make it black, maybe they'll get up for that. So they recast the kid, made him a black cancer kid, and they still didn't get up. Crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

I told Leno. You brought up Leno. I told Leno, now I'll set you up in a little role play. Leno did not think this was funny when I told this to him, all right, Jay's a great guy, but he's not one of these kind of comedians who laughs along with you. You know what I'm saying? And so I go, I did a function with him like three weeks, four weeks ago. Oh, God, maybe it was five. It was right after the fire. It was like a week after the fire. And I just go. We're like backstage. And I go, you know, Jay, people are a lot of people blaming you for these fires already.

[Elon Gold]

Funny, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

He goes, well, he do. You can be confused, Jay.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, well, what do you mean? What did I have to do?

[Adam Carolla]

You've heard of. I mean, sure, they've heard people talking, you know. Well, a lot of people think, you know, you set yourself on fire and then you roll down the hill. And he just goes, huh? Yeah. The people say to me, you know, you roll down the hill. And then, you know, now we gotta. Now it's out of hand, like a football.

[Elon Gold]

It was a Leno fireball.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when the winds are just right, he's just like, nobody said that.

[Elon Gold]

You know why? He couldn't handle the gravity of the two things. Him being set on fire, which was painful to him, and his town burning down. He couldn't remove himself from either of those and enjoy the hilarity.

[Adam Carolla]

He just didn't. He just. Not a go along wither joke. He's not a yes and guy.

[Elon Gold]

You know, Carola, I really don't like that one. You know, it really hurts me personally. And, you know, I'm not gonna like that. I'm not gonna laugh at that joke. But, you know, Johnny Carson would have loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he would have loved it.

[Elon Gold]

Johnny Carson would have. Now, that's some good shit. That is some good, wild, wacky stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't remember if you do a Seinfeld.

[Elon Gold]

What do you mean, you don't remember? What do you mean? I do two Seinfelds, but go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

I do. You do, too.

[Elon Gold]

Well, the serious Jerry, who speaks very arrogantly. Oh, very slowly. And then there's yelling, jerry, what are you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

There's serious Jerry.

[Elon Gold]

When there's also serious Jerry Lewis, which none of your fans under 70 will know. But, you know, when Dean and I. Yeah, and he got very serious about comedy and about the relationship, and then it was, hi. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's two Jerrys, there's Jerry's, four Jerry's, but only two guys. We got quad Jerry's. Holy Christ.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, but what about Jerry? Why'd you bring it up?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I do. Well, first off, there's the video where Jerry Lewis was being a complete douchebag to the guy who's trying to interview him. There's only one, and he did that one and then he died. So it's like, don't do that to your leg.

[Elon Gold]

That's why I'm being nice to you today.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Because what, you don't want to be a douche and then you die?

[Elon Gold]

That's going to happen on the 101, on my way home.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Seinfeld, I was telling the story that Seinfeld's a big Porsche guy. Huge Porsche guy.

[Elon Gold]

I think he has, like 50 of them.

[Adam Carolla]

He has a lot of them. He sells them on occasion. He just tried to sell his 917 Porsche. Steve McQueen, Le Mans, 1969. They got to, like, 25 million bucks at the auction. He didn't take it. Nobody knows. I can't figure out. No one can figure out whether some. Occasionally with auctions, things are a little. They can be a little under the table or a little. There can be the hint of foul play or something.

[Dawson]

You know, Democrat with the paddle.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Elon Gold]

But you don't see half the bidders there on the phone. They're on the Internet that you don't see them.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes the auction house will bid up the thing to the point where they want it and then see if anybody jumps in. After that, we don't know what happened. But the point is this.

[Dawson]

Well, I thought the reserve wasn't met, like, the level.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't. You would assume it didn't meet the reserve, which is the minimum money that Seinfeld would take for the 917. That's the reserve. But they don't tell you what the reserve is. But I will tell you that if it legitimately gets to $25 million organically, you know, and some guy bids $25 million and it's a no sale, when the auction is finished, the dude who did 25 million, Seinfeld and the auction guy go meet in the back.

[Elon Gold]

Oh, I never thought of that.

[Adam Carolla]

And they go, meet in the back.

[Elon Gold]

And they go, look, cut out the middleman.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's like your Uber driver. No, they don't.

[Elon Gold]

You want just 100 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this isn't that. It's not cutting out the middleman. This is the auction guy and Seinfeld and the paddle guy. And then they go the back and they sit down and they go, look, you obviously, you want the car, you raise your paddle at 25 million. And then with the premium 10% or whatever, it's another 2.5 million we're tacking on this thing. So we're at 275 now, Jerry, you wanted 30 for it, but give me 30.

[Elon Gold]

It's only three more. But listen, do the math.

[Adam Carolla]

So what the auction house will do is go, look, you got 2.7 worth of commission on this, right? How about we knock 7 off of that? We'll get to 2. Now you're at 27, Jerry, you're still at 30. Maybe we could meet a 28. 5 and we'll reduce our. Whatever.

[Elon Gold]

How do you know this happens?

[Adam Carolla]

I go to auction. Been auctions, and it couldn't not happen. If you think about it, you go, how could it happen? Where there's a guy who goes, I'll give you $25 million for the car, and you go, fuck off. I wanted 30. All right, see you later. The guy just leaves. The guy runs, the auction is going to run out and grab that guy.

[Elon Gold]

And go just to get the commissions.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, when he walks out the door, they got zero.

[Elon Gold]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Elon Gold]

Now, are you saying I didn't even know this. Are you saying that if someone puts a bid at a certain number and no one raises their paddle to that number, the auction stops? I thought they just take that number and it's just below what they wanted. I didn't know about this whole.

[Adam Carolla]

You may offer your car with no reserve, and that means. I didn't know this. 89 Chevy Blazer.

[Elon Gold]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a little bit better than that. Okay, 91 Chevy Blazer. You're 91. That means that while Blue Book may say it's worth $6,300. This thing could stall out at 1500 bucks, and someone's going to take your car that's worth six grand for 1500 if it. But what you would probably do is you would go, five grand is my minimum. Like, that's the reserve. Because I can't. There's guys selling $2 million cars. There's a chance someone gets it for 800 grand, and you are. So they. They'll set the reserve. Now the auction house will argue with you over the reserve. They'll go, come on, 91 Chevy Blazer, over 100,000 miles on it. Five grand. That's. Come on, let's. Let's do 3,500 on the. Because they want to make the sale and you want to keep it high and so on and so forth.

[Elon Gold]

But, yes, there must be an appraiser for these items, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the auction house has appraisers. And they. They're not always spot on because who knows what Jerry Seinfeld's 917 from the movie Lamar that Steve McQueen Production Company owned in 1969. That's a one of one. So there is no comps. So it's a real story. This is a real story. And I don't know what happened to that car. We have footage of any of this. We can look it up. Oh, there's footage of it.

[Elon Gold]

Fascinating.

[Adam Carolla]

But I will say this as well. I went to Rennsport Re and the biggest Porsche gathering in the world, or whatever it was in Monterey, and entered my. Had my Porsche 935 there, which Paul Newman drove at le Mans. Another car of the story. I drove it there three, four years earlier and won the Wyshak cup or the trophy or whatever. It's in the next room. Mayhem. I asked you to throw a little carnauba wax on that plaque after the show. After the show. But I said to Seinfeld, when we're standing in the Porsche pavilion and I'm staring at all his cars that he had brought out there, I said, Jerry, my 935 that won Le mans with Paul Newman is right over here underneath. They built a gazebo for it. They built a gazebo for the car. It's over that way. Yeah, that's the car, but that's not from that thing. But I said, Jerry, my 935 is about 100ft behind us over here in this gazebo if you want to check it out. And he was like, I'm good. Really? I go, what is that about? I go, yeah, but seriously, want to go check it out? And he's like, not really. And I was like, it's right over here. 9:35, that one.

[Elon Gold]

You love Porsches.

[Adam Carolla]

We are here at Ren Sport. We're in the infield of laguna seca with 500 Porsches. Because you want to see Porsches, right?

[Elon Gold]

He's like, all right, that's so. Because that's arrogant, Jerry. That's arrogant, Jerry. That'd be like.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he was. I mean, he. It was.

[Elon Gold]

It was like going to a strip club and this girl's sitting next to you. Go, you want to see my tits? Let's just walk over there and look at my tits. I want to see your tits.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair, he said, you know, people would always gather, you know, but autograph. You know, people would say, hi, but you're not people.

[Elon Gold]

You're a fellow person.

[Adam Carolla]

If we went over there, Jerry, then people would gather around, you know, but they're gathered around us here. We're still in the middle of the fucking Ren Sport here.

[Elon Gold]

Be a gathering.

[Adam Carolla]

Then he won on a. Then he won on a podcast, I think Spike Fareson's maybe. And he gave the most Jerry answer ever. It's like, what do I need to see a 935 for? What's with the 935? It's like, which you can do about anything, ever, any subject, anytime. And it's like, what I need is right. But, Jerry, you're at Rensport, we're in the infield, and we're standing next to three of your Porsches. So I don't know. What do you need? Yeah. If I took my mom from North Hollywood and dropped her in the middle of Rensport, she'd be like, what are we doing here? I want to go home and watch.

[Elon Gold]

Let's get a sandwich.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to get a sandwich. But we're here, and you're here, and you're here because you worship Porsche, and I have one of the most exotic Porsches on the planet.

[Elon Gold]

I don't want to walk there.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm here.

[Elon Gold]

I like it here. I don't know how it is over there.

[Adam Carolla]

We have it. We have it because. Explaining.

[Elon Gold]

Which is really.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I gotta hear this. It's. It's. It's. It's precious. It's. It's good stuff.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. I talked with Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Who wanted me to see his Paul Newman 935. But it was so many people around, and there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was kind of Difficult for me to maneuver. And he kept pushing me. You've got to see my 935. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind that will be so great? Will it be me going, wow, cool car. And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Pause. It's very Tom Papa Y, too. All right, so let's examine what is gonna go on. If I see your car, right? Fucking nothing. I don't know what is going on now. We're looking at everyone else's cars. So what do you mean, what's gonna go on?

[Elon Gold]

And then I don't need to see another Porsche. Porsche, Porsche. I don't need to see it. I don't want to see it. But they are on the. You know, Tom opens for him, so they pick up the cadences, but this is crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll play it a little more. Hold on. I'm gonna turn the air on here.

[Elon Gold]

I can't believe he makes you the bad guy in this story.

[Adam Carolla]

It's insane. It's insane.

[Dawson]

I'm just glad that you're not bitter about it, Adam. I think it's fine. And now you patch things up with old Jerry Seinfeld.

[Elon Gold]

It's always fun to be talked about, you know? It's like.

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Elon Gold]

Except when you're the butt of the joke.

[Dawson]

Jerry Seinfeld would apologize to Adam because.

[Elon Gold]

He didn't see it as. He doesn't see this as bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't see it.

[Elon Gold]

He's doing a bit.

[Adam Carolla]

He's using a bit. I don't know. I do not care. I really don't. I was insistent because.

[Elon Gold]

For him, not for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was going, the car's right here. And he's like, yeah, well, I'm good for now, you know? And I was like. So 10 minutes would go by, and I'd go, but you really want to see. We're gonna see the car, right? And he's like, no. And then 20 minutes would go by, and I'd go, okay, we were hanging out, but now maybe we'll go see the car. And he's like, no, I'm good. And I'm. I was like. It was like we were standing in front of a movie theater, and the biggest blockbuster in the world was inside the theater. And I was just standing up front going, but you want to go in, right? He's like, yeah, no, I'll stand here. And I'm like, okay, that's funny. I'll get some popcorn. But you're going in, right?

[Elon Gold]

He said, just want Some popcorn.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like playing again. It's funny. And then he has an answer which is equally as insane. Cause Spike, I think Spike, who I like, nice guy, funny guy, does the problem with everybody. The problem with politicians, too. The problem with everyone is. Look, I don't care. I don't. Look, Jimmy Kimmel hosts the Oscars, makes a lot of money and has a successful show and makes a lot more money than I do and could probably do stuff for me. But if Jimmy Kimmel was telling this story, I'd go, are you fucking nuts? Jimmy? Go see the fucking car. This is 100% on you. This isn't on the other guy. What the fuck are you doing? That's insane. Like, I would just say that to the person. The problem with Seinfeld is, like, you don't really want to push him that hard, but you might kind of go, like. Spike goes, well, you have a 9:35, Jerry. Okay, well, listen to it. It's funny. You can start at the top.

[Elon Gold]

You don't want to prod the king. That's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

I would prod the king, right. If I was friends with him.

[Elon Gold]

Spike should have.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. I talked with Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Who wanted me to see his Paul Newman. 935. But it was so many people around and there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was terrible for me to maneuver and he kept pushing me. You've seen.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Elon Gold]

There's always people around.

[Adam Carolla]

We were not in his trailer, his air conditioned trailer, you know, enjoying Sam Adams and me going, you want to come out and see Casita? It's too. We were standing in the middle of the Porsche pavilion with people surrounding us. Now I get. You start moving and people start gravitating, like. But we're already there and we're standing in the middle of it. Okay, go ahead. Sorry, continue.

[Elon Gold]

By the way, can I go back one second? Can I go back to the strip club analogy, please? Can you keep your shirt on? There's people. There's people to my left, people to my right. I don't want to say the tits.

[Adam Carolla]

It's crazy. You can find a picture of that car at the. They gave it a pagoda. They gave it a pavilion. They gave it its own.

[Elon Gold]

That's how special it was. And you would think for him it would be in his best interest to look at the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Not for you.

[Elon Gold]

You've seen the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Seinfeld was right. At this time, it's literally a week before this time, the owner of the first Porsche 935 race car, the test car, like it was a historic car. He sold it 10 minutes before this conversation. But he owned a 930. You could walk from here to New Jersey, and you could go into every mall and every bookstore and every university, and you could ask every human being that you came upon, do you own a 935? And the answer would be no. To every human being between here in New Jersey, if you stopped everywhere and poked your head in. If you poked your head into Porsche dealerships and asked every person who worked there and every mechanic, do you own a Porsche 9? The answer would be no. So there's only two guys in that entire place that own a 935. And they're both comedians, right? All right, we'll play it. We'll play it again. Sorry.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Maneuver. And he kept pushing me. You've got to see my 935. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind that will be so great? Will it be me going, wow, cool car. And then what? Then nothing.

[Elon Gold]

The big winter boot came down.

[Adam Carolla]

So you said, I'll just say it now.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

The winter boot of reality.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll say, I'll say it now.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice car. It's a nice car.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. Great. You're great.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is weird. Isn't it kind of cool to meet another guy with a 935? Look, right over there, there's a 935.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I don't own that car anymore. You don't know that car has been sold. Sold.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the one out at Gooding, right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's right.

[Elon Gold]

I won't even look at them.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so he owns a 935, the Premier 935 for 20 years or 10 years or something, sells it six days earlier, and then his answer is, I don't want to see a 935. Well, you have a 9:30. No, I don't. Sold it. Hey, back to you.

[Elon Gold]

That hurt me to hear him.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to see some huge titties? Your wife has huge titties. No, we got divorced. Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

Had him for 20 years. Plus there's people around the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

You think he misses 9:35? Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah. That's nostalgia for him. How about Paul Newman? That's a cool thing, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, here's the answer. I don't care. I'm always amused. I'm almost never offended. Right? So I don't care. I just think the process is kind of nuts.

[Elon Gold]

You're too cool, hip, and funny to be the butt of another comedian's joke. You understand? That's the problem. That's really the. I'm not kidding. That's really what's at play here, the psychology. Because I put myself in that. I'm like, if Jerry's ragging on me, I thought he liked me. You know, he respects our comedy. So we shouldn't be. The way he's talking about you, it shouldn't be us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Elon Gold]

It should be other people. It should be other people. Maybe if you said, and Paul Newman's in the trunk still, maybe then he'd be like, oh, this I want to see.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I would call it the boot because it's a rear engine car, and he'd be up front.

[Elon Gold]

And by the way, of the two of you calling one pushy, I'm just saying maybe Seinfeld would be the pushier one. I'm just. No, I'm just propagating stereotypes again.

[Adam Carolla]

He had brought like three of his Porsches that had just been finished, right? And so we were observing all of his cars. And so I said in turn, we can observe one of my cars, which is 85ft from here.

[Elon Gold]

Hey, you know what? You're missing something else. The whole thing is a non story and not worthy of airtime on a podcast. This is what we're doing, the recap of worthy.

[Adam Carolla]

This is worthy.

[Elon Gold]

I'm not joking. That's not a worthy story.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, can I tell you this?

[Elon Gold]

Your name isn't big enough to drop to make that story worthy. See, I prop them up and I bring him down. I bring them right back down.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to say this. When people get to a certain level, there's a kind of a grandiosity. And then the grandiosity is they don't know what they sound like in the story. You know, like, so the person, when you get to a certain level, they go. So I go into this restaurant and I'm sitting there and, you know, I'm sitting down in the booth and I bring my dog and I put the dog up on the table, you know, and where I'm eating and I'm giving the dog some of the food. And the manager comes by and he's like, hey, some people have allergies you can't have. The guy confronts me about the dog on the table at the steakhouse.

[Elon Gold]

He doesn't realize he's the dick in the story.

[Adam Carolla]

He's the dick in the story.

[Elon Gold]

He's the dick in the story.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're Grandiose. You tell these stories. You're like, zsa Zsa Gabor slapping a cop. You know what I mean? You're like. The cop pulls her over and goes, you're speeding. And she's like, what the fuck? Just smacks him because it's like, how can I speed? I'm Zsa Zsa Gabor. You're fucking. Make $37,000 a year. I'm fucking Zsa Zsa Gabor. So she smacks him, right? Poor people don't do that. Poor people, like, don't shoot me. I'll give you my registration. When you get to a certain level of grandiose, you know who tells those stories? Howard Stern tells us. Howard Stern tells stories like, oh, God. Producer Gary got me a Christmas gift. Jesus Christ. What is going. Yeah, go ahead.

[Elon Gold]

Well, this is very exciting, Robin. Let me tell you something. You know, it was just Christmas and Baba Bowie this dope Gary gets me a Christmas gift.

[Adam Carolla]

Robin.

[Elon Gold]

Now I open it up, and it's a 12 pack of Dove soap. Dove soap?

[Adam Carolla]

No, his beef. Gary brought the gift to the studio.

[Elon Gold]

What was the gift?

[Adam Carolla]

I have no idea, but Howard did an hour on what a dick Gary was for bringing it to the studio because he would have to bring it home. Oh, no.

[Elon Gold]

I just want to say, you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Know what you sound like when you do this. You know, it's great.

[Elon Gold]

You sound ungrateful.

[Adam Carolla]

Or he'll. Or he'll. Or he'll do. You know, Edgar Winter wants to have him induct him into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame, and he does 20 minutes on, like, what an Insane Hassle it is. And, like, wow, why would you talk to me about this and stuff? It's like, oh, no, you sound. Edgar Winter doesn't sound like a douche, and neither does Gary. You sound like a douche. Right? And in this equation, Seinfeld sounds like a douche. But when you've been living in rarefied douche air for as long as they have, they don't realize what they sound like.

[Elon Gold]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Zsa Zsa Gabor slapping the cop. She stinks. It's his problem.

[Elon Gold]

One of my favorite Sarah Silverman jokes, the punchline is, well, you can't smell yourself, right? When you're at Seinfeld level, you can't hear yourself with that perspective. Am I being the douche of the story?

[Adam Carolla]

He volunteers a story that makes him sound wildly unreasonable. Correct. And a douche. And tells it as if. As if you're the victim.

[Elon Gold]

Victim. And you're the douche.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Elon Gold]

Wild. Reminds me of the Israel Palestine conflict.

[Adam Carolla]

But anyway, we should all get to that level.

[Elon Gold]

I'm on Israel's side, for the record. For those of you that were wondering.

[Adam Carolla]

We should all get to the point where I could do 20 minutes on Dawson bringing a gift for me to the studio instead of sending it to my house. And then I could do 20 minutes on Seinfeld asking me to look at one of his portions. We should all get to that point.

[Elon Gold]

In Seinfeld's defense, and I think it was abhorrent.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, I like Seinfeld and I like Howard as well.

[Elon Gold]

I have no problems with him.

[Adam Carolla]

But you have to realize what you sound like.

[Elon Gold]

You have to realize what. But in his defense, all we have to do is spend 12 minutes looking back at tape of this show, and even at your level, we will find stories where you have done similar things. Now, I don't. Can you guys look up some stuff quickly? There's no doubt you have done similar because you're a host and because you're always trying to be entertaining again. He was just trying to do a bit. He was trying to do a bit where he's the victim, you're the bad guy. But, you know, yeah, you've done this. So that's all I'm saying. I'm gonna end by saying, yeah, Jerry does it, Howard, So do you. And I probably. So do I. At my level. Imagine my low level if I'm hosting a show or I'm being a guest. I probably have done that. It's the story you want.

[Adam Carolla]

Google Elon Cole being a douche, and let's see how many hours of footage come up. Do you know what it's like? Look, I understand it's a story, but what I'm saying is, is when we were talking earlier, I was talking to Jay Moore earlier, who I started with.

[Elon Gold]

Who used to open for me, who I got his first agent.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Elon Gold]

Yeah. No, we started together. Barry Katz was our manager.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he does what Barry Katz do. By the way, I've said this to.

[Elon Gold]

Jay, and I'll say it right now in the air. Everybody says that I do the best Berry Cats ever. In fact, Dave Chappelle and Neil Brennan asked me to do Berry Cats on Chappelle's show. But I will say right here that.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody does a better Barry than Jay. Yeah. Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

It's unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a great Barry Cats. Yeah, I do. And just like your Tom Poppy, nobody cares. But it is funny when people go real Deep. Like the James baby doll Dixon is my agent.

[Elon Gold]

Oh, James. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

James Dixon. Yeah. And the God.

[Elon Gold]

You can do a Dixon.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't do a Dixon. But in the show, the State, I think I'm trying to think of the sketch show. I think it was the state they did Dixon, a Dixon character as a manager or an agent. But for high schoolers, that's funny. And it's funny. And it's funny to me and Kimmel and Jon Stewart, because he's our agent. But I don't know how it's playing.

[Elon Gold]

I'll tell you why it's playing. Well, it's like what Dana Carvey said about the church lady. Nobody. He was doing an impression of his neighbor who was a church lady, but that was a character. Nobody knew this woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Elon Gold]

Because he said impression. Characters are impressions of people, you know, but the audience doesn't know. But they're still funny. When I did Barry Katz on Chappelle's show, he was the manager of this comedy club, and he, you know, not the stairs, man. He was in a wheelchair. Dave, you're gonna be the. And. And then he pushes me down the stairs. People are going, that's just a weird character. Now, on another level, you and I and other comedians can appreciate and go, oh, he' Barry. That's amazing. So nobody has to know who you're doing.

[Adam Carolla]

James Dixon, super agent on the State. It's crazy or something like that. It's the funniest, especially if, you know.

[Elon Gold]

Like, I do new thing in my act where I do. I go, anyone can do, like, a trump or famous. I love to do impressions of people. Nobody knows. Like, a lot of my friends dads, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right, right.

[Elon Gold]

I do all of my friends dads.

[Adam Carolla]

You should open for Tom Papa as Tom Papa. I would watch the shit out of that.

[Dawson]

Just.

[Adam Carolla]

But don't tell Tom Prosthetics.

[Elon Gold]

Can we listen one more time?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we listen one more time.

[Elon Gold]

This has never been done. This is, like, now one of those again.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a Haley's comet of impression.

[Elon Gold]

Anyone could do a gym from Taxi, but who does a Papa? Here we go. Tom Papa figured it out. You have to talk condescending and a little gay. It's a little game. Got to be repetitive. Wait, let's see how I end it. I think I say retard.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that okay? Repetitive.

[Elon Gold]

That's it. That's the whole thing. You just got to keep doing this and a little Seinfeldy. A little Seinfeldy. Seinfeldy.

[Adam Carolla]

Seinfeld. You're saying that Chris Rock did not send you an edible arrangeable?

[Elon Gold]

After this, I thought at very least a bouquet of some sort.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

And instead I'll read it to you.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was weird.

[Elon Gold]

He's. Whatever. He'll probably never talk to me again.

[Adam Carolla]

But is the problem with Pretty good.

[Elon Gold]

Congrats.

[Adam Carolla]

But maybe he meant it. Maybe he meant.

[Elon Gold]

And then the back and forth was, well, I don't like to make fun of people, especially, like, on record. And I go, it wasn't making fun.

[Dawson]

It was like, yeah, emulating.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah. It was like, hey, I found a new impression of one of our friends that we do.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I don't like making fun of people. It's a weird thing.

[Elon Gold]

I'm just a guy that tells jokes on stage. I tell jokes on stage. The slap change on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

On stage.

[Elon Gold]

I tell them on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

We have James, and we tell them on stage.

[Elon Gold]

And when we're on stage, you look.

[Adam Carolla]

At the people and the volleyball.

[Elon Gold]

And the volleyball. And he hits you right in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we have James Dixon's super high school agent. I think it is.

[Elon Gold]

I really didn't think it mattered who your high school guidance counselor was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, guidance counselor.

[Elon Gold]

That was before I met James. Yeah, he's the best of us.

[Marjorie Gross]

Most people live under the misconception that high school is supposed to take four years, right? I've gotten kids out in two. I got one kid out in a semester. You know, it's all about finesse. Greece and the weep.

[Elon Gold]

I've got the power.

[Marjorie Gross]

No, no, no, no. You listen. Listen to me, Coach. You listen to me. I've got a note here signed by two medical doctors that says that Bobby is allergic to chlorine. If you put him in the pool, it'll kill him.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see if he calls my bluff.

[Marjorie Gross]

I've been with all the biggest talent agencies. I was with the William Morris Agency. I was with icm. I was with the Creative Artists Agency. And now I'm here at Westbury Haunt.

[Adam Carolla]

I asked James if he would write my term paper and he didn't do it. But. But he got the guy who wrote.

[Elon Gold]

Witness to do it. I got an A.

[Marjorie Gross]

70% of the kids I represent go on to the Ivy League. And these are B minus, C plus kids with little or no extracurricular activities, some with criminal records.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, nothing bad.

[Marjorie Gross]

Nobody killed anybody or anything. You know, actually, that's not true.

[Elon Gold]

I got expelled for knifing a teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

James couldn't get me back into school.

[Elon Gold]

But he Sold my story to Paramount. So now I'm set for life.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you think that French is.

[Marjorie Gross]

Gonna improve his pole vaulting, I just want to know one thing. Where do you get your crack?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm horrible.

[Marjorie Gross]

But if you scratch my back, I scratch yours. One hand washes the other. Look, you can tell the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to kiss my ass. Look, you ruined my melon. Bottom line, at the end of the day, it's not about the money and it's not about me. It's about the kids. The kids whose last names start with A through M. Areronsberg through Menendez.

[Elon Gold]

See, that's the thing. Funny is funny. Funny. The sketch was funny. The idea is funny. The character's funny. I don't have to know who James Dixon is.

[Adam Carolla]

James Dixon told me once he yelled at a guy who, like, made an offer for me to do something. He yelled at him. Adam Carolla doesn't roll over in bed for less than 50 grand. That's a good. That's that character yelling at a guy in a phone that I don't rol over.

[Elon Gold]

Bang. That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Under 50 grand, it's all levels.

[Elon Gold]

So when you know him personally, it's another level. I do a bit in my act, just when I play for, like, Jews, fellow Jews. And I do a bit called Religious Rodney. So it's Rodney Dangerfield, who was Jewish comedian but never talked about being Jewish, never wasn't religious at all. So imagine if he was. So then the jokes. So the jokes are jokes. Like I tell you, it's rough. You know, the holidays were rough, too. I'll tell you, the holidays were tough. Last year, the bank foreclosed on our sukkah. Now, you don't know what a sukkah is, right? But it's a little hut. And the holiday of Sukkot. But so you. So the Jews who know about Sukkot will get that on another level, but it's still, like, funny.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. I also. I had a Hungarian grandfather who was Jewish. Really?

[Elon Gold]

On what side?

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody.

[Elon Gold]

Okay, fine. We didn't. We just got so excited for a minute size. Okay, fine.

[Adam Carolla]

We didn't have real grandparents or parents or stuff like that at the Corolla house. We had steps and stuff. You know, steps and stuff. I had a stepdad. I had a stepmom. I had a step grandfather. I did not know. So both biological grandfathers. I did not know either one of them. But my mean grandmother Helen married a Hungarian Jew named Laszlo, and we called him Lazi. And he was from Hungary. And he was very Jewish, right? And so he would sit down and tell me all the stories and do.

[Elon Gold]

Things, you know about Pesach?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, I know about the Seders, you know, and he was also. He was a Jew, so he liked to talk a lot. Because they're loquacious, you know, people. Yeah, it's funny. It's like there's. There was one, like, very rare. Like, here's how, you know, Jews like to talk. They're not a lot of Jewish porn stars. Ron Jeremy was, like, the only Jewish porn star. And he would talk. Your fucking ear. Peter north wouldn't say a word, ever. Ron Jeremy was just like. And it's also. He also notices if you go to a wedding and the Jews marrying the goyim, and they go, we're gonna do both sides. The Catholic guy wraps it up in, like four minutes. The Jewish guy's doing 15 minutes of stand up. At the top of the thing, the rabbi is turning to Jackie Mason, who was a rabbi.

[Elon Gold]

I'll tell you the truth, it makes me nauseous that the two of you are standing up here and you're about to get married when you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a nauseating fact of life. And yet you're sitting here and you're saying to each other that still sickness.

[Elon Gold]

And in health, still death do us. But this is a disgusting, nauseating thing. That's every rabbi up there in the Khutpah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're doing. I mean, they're presiding over the marriage. But at some point, you realize you're doing standup, right?

[Elon Gold]

It is stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

The Catholic guy's just, like, wound tight and got his spectacles on. Then you realize, oh, those people like. They like jokes. They like to talk. They like. Whatever. My grandfather would sit around all day. This is on your Sir Rodney Dangerfield thing. And he'd go. He'd sit and invent Jewish food, deli food, if it was mixed with Mexican food. And I'd show up like a week later, and I'd sit down. You go, the enchilada. Write that down. I got it. I got a list. A list of, like, 13 things. Oh, wow. Now there's nothing to do with them. He just. That's what he did. He liked to talk. He thought it was funny. Clever phrase. Heard a phrase. You know what I mean?

[Elon Gold]

But it is. Yeah. Again, it's just another. Oh, you want to hear one of my favorites of the Rodneys?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Elon Gold]

Tell you, no. Halloween came around. We couldn't afford costumes. You kidding me? My grandmother, she strapped her brassier to my face and said, look, now you're a fly. Anyway, here's the point. Any impression that people don't know or any reference that people don't know is still funny because of cadences and rhythms and ideas. And then you go on another level, oh, it's extra funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Every cartoon you watched growing up, the voice of the character was like, Humphrey Bogart or something. But you were seven.

[Elon Gold]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

But you didn't know who Humphrey Bogart was.

[Elon Gold]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Jackie Mason did the Anteater.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Although the aardvark and the Anteater. But then he didn't do it. But then he sued them, and I don't remember what it was. It's also offensive because of the huge schnoz on the anteater.

[Elon Gold]

This is another crazy, relatable Chris Rock story, who, by the way, again, I consider a pal. I've hung with him backstage at all his, like, arena things with a good friend of mine is Tony Rock, his brother. So we go together and we all hang out.

[Dawson]

Hello, Tony.

[Elon Gold]

Tony's the best and hilarious in his own right. And, like, you know, so just imagine this. So I did, again, love him, admire him, all that, but, you know, I guess just human beings have issues with other human beings. So I do an impression of Gene Wilder. This is, by the way, 10 years ago, okay? Gene Wilder was still alive. He was a classic guy. Like, he was everything, everything. And I'm on stage. Are you crazy? Are you not? You know, And I'm doing it as part of a whole other bit. And then Rock comes over to me after. He goes, what are you doing Gene Wilder for?

[Adam Carolla]

And I go. I go.

[Elon Gold]

He goes, you're hip. Like, don't, like, stay hip. Don't do. And I go, wait a minute. Like, the person that I grew up admiring was Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal used to do a Edward G. Robinson impression. Where's your Moses? Now, I didn't know who that was from the 50s, but I still said, well, he's just doing a funny voice, and it's a funny premise and it's a funny punchline, so I'm enjoying it. He goes, billy crystal was. Is 90. Billy Crystal. You want to be 90? You want to be 90? And I'm like, no, but I still think it's a classic. Meanwhile, and I kicked myself in the car on the way home. Not using the perfect example, because who he admired and me, like, literally top three growing up was Eddie Murphy. We all, in the 80s, kids who grew up in the 80s, worshiped Eddie, and Eddie did the Honeymooners as his signature bit from the. The 50s. The honeymooners. And he would do all these old impressions and, you know, and Stevie wondered whatever. Like, it was impressions from when he was growing up. It's okay to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's. Let's just say this. Whether it's James Baby Doll Dixon in a sketch on MTV for the State.

[Elon Gold]

Or Barry Katz on Chappelle show, or.

[Adam Carolla]

I just realized I. On occasion, and not that often, but on occasion, when I do stand up, up, I'll do a John Wayne Bobbitt joke. Now, that story's 25 years old. Oh, 30 years old at least. So you go, well, that's a super old reference, you know, but then I have different angles on it that are new angles. New angles on it that I do. And the audience likes it because they go, oh, yeah, we know. Yeah, I remember that name. And I go, all right, now think about this. And then we go off in a different direction. You know, Everybody loves a cold case.

[Elon Gold]

But not a cold joke. But it's been cold for years, this joke. But sometimes you find a new angle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I think, okay, that's it. I'll do that. And I gotta. You know, I got a Kamala Harris one, too, you know. So the point is, as long as you set it up and you go, here's what I'm doing, and you remember this, then you're fine.

[Elon Gold]

I did Johnny Carson and Zelensky. You understand, I'm relevant and also old school. What is your take on it? Am I allowed to do a Gene Wilder? Are you on rock's side or my side? What's your take on this?

[Adam Carolla]

While Gene died of dementia. I'm talking about 10 years ago, before he got dementia. My thing is, you are allowed to do whatever you want.

[Elon Gold]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

The audience is allowed to like it or not like it. Somebody could stand up and yell, well, John Wayne Bobbitt got his dick cut off in 1992. You hack and then leave. They're allowed to do that. You know what I mean? So everyone is allowed to do everything. I have jokes that I sometimes know they might not like or they're not. I'm gonna have to explain to them, like, what this disease is or what this means or whatever. And then we're allowed to. And we shouldn't want it any other way because. Because what if there were a whole bunch of rules to doing stand up? Then everyone would start getting funneled into, like, the same middle lane. Correct. And then there wouldn't be a Tom Papa versus a Chris Rock versus a Seinfeld.

[Elon Gold]

Cut to. On the next Spike Fereston show, here's Jerry Seinfeld. And then Adam Carolla brings up Bobbitt. You don't bring up Bobbitt. 30 years ago I saw Bobbitt. I don't want to see Bobbitt. Plus his people around. What if I were people?

[Adam Carolla]

What if pop it and pop and bob it. When we turn to one guy, pop.

[Elon Gold]

It, bob it, bob it, bob it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I guess to put a button on this, Jerry was on Spike's podcast yesterday.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And he said he sold the car to a private collector.

[Adam Carolla]

You found that?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, actually just in the news today.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Road and Track magazine. What it says when asked about the auction. Jerry says, and alon, you can do this much better. But I am a carefree guy. You know, whatever happens, happens. He said he didn't watch the auction.

[Adam Carolla]

Does he. Hold on a second. Does he sound footloose and fancy free when I'm telling him to walk 80 yards to look at a 9:35? That doesn't sound carefree. It feels encumbered to me. But go ahead, Go ahead, sir.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So he admits he never even bothered to watch the auction. He said I'm a carefree guy, you know, whatever happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Elon Gold]

I'm a carefree guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. First off, you got a car that you're thinking is going between 25 and 30 million at auction. And that auction took place at about, I don't know, two in the afternoon or one in the afternoon. I watch it out here. It was in Kissimmee, Florida. Kissimmee or whatever we're calling it. But the point is, I watch on my phone in this shop back there on a Saturday. Hard to believe. You can live stream it. They'll live stream the auction. The point is, is, I mean, just you, you go to the website, hit it, hit live, and you're watching it on your phone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Seinfeld said he used the auction as an advertising tool for the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

People were doubtful that it could reach 25 million, but Mecham and thought, and Seinfeld thought that it would.

[Adam Carolla]

But hold on, hold on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why don't you get marketed?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. So you got a phone in your pocket, you're at Martha's vineyard, and at 11 in the morning, your 25 to 30 million dollars car is going live on your phone. And you don't touch. You don't just hit the button and look at it just to see where it's going.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can't find him explicitly saying this, but he did not intend to sell that car at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, let's figure it out now.

[Elon Gold]

Look, I will.

[Adam Carolla]

There is a thing. There's a thing where the quarterback drives you down in the super bowl to the 31 yard line, and there's two seconds left on the clock and you guys are down by two points and the field goal team goes out there. There's a human thing where the quarterback turns his back like it goes. I can't watch now. Most people are most. The team is watching, but there'll be two or three guys just down, like going the other way, just going. I cannot watch. Like, you're never gonna find out whether you're gonna leave the stadium. Still not know whether you got that Lombardi or not. But. All right. But the point is, I get there is the. I'm nervous. I can't watch this thing. But that's not carefree.

[Elon Gold]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's not. Not set for life financially. I feel like you would, but. All right, sorry.

[Elon Gold]

Carefree. It's not carefree, it's care. Expensive. It's expensive.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

On the podcast, Seinfeld explains that with high end items like this, a lot of times serious buyers don't want to buy in the frenzy frenzy of an auction setting. So we met with Dana Meacham, president and founder, and they devised the plan, put it up for auction, don't sell it.

[Carol Leifer]

It.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was advertising. Well, unless of course, they got 30 million then.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a second.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But I'm sure he got more than 25 from a private collector.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so they use it for advertising. That's true. When you give, you know, it's like when you take an auction that deals with hundred thousand dollar cars and maybe a million dollar car whatever from Joe Blow. And then seinfeld brings a $25 million car, they advertise the shit out of it, and they push it everywhere and it gets tons of eyeballs and clicks and whatever. It's like if saying if Chris Rock was gonna play the deli smoker and Sherman Oaks or something, they wouldn't keep it close to the vest. They'd shove it out there like, guess who's coming to our little place? There is that. But also there is the part that I talked about, which is the guy and Dana Meacham and Seinfeld get together and work it out. But it's still a little. I told you this thing had a little Vaseline on the lens, right? It wasn't exactly, hey, I'm bringing a car taking to auction. May the best man win.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

As far as the sale price goes, Seinfeld is just saying that it is in the 25 million range.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? Okay. So that's what that car is worth. I'll tell you. I went to the Mecham auction in Kissame, and I was standing backstage with Seinfeld, and they said, you want to check out the 917? I said, I'm good. It's a true story.

[Elon Gold]

Did that happen?

[Adam Carolla]

He said it again. And I said, no. I said, I've seen the movie.

[Elon Gold]

But why? Why not go see it? Because there's people around.

[Adam Carolla]

And then what?

[Elon Gold]

Stuff. And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

And then what? Stuff? Yeah, I mean, look, why be born? You know what I mean? You're born. Stuff.

[Elon Gold]

Stuff happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Stuff and then you die. Like, what are we talking about here, really? People.

[Elon Gold]

And then what? Born.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you have kids of your own. I get it. Okay. You graduate high school.

[Elon Gold]

I mean, you can invent what?

[Adam Carolla]

Everything. You can invent what?

[Elon Gold]

Everything. You know, what doesn't get in. Then what? Enough, like, the announcements of the plane for the safety announcements in the event of a water. And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

And then what?

[Elon Gold]

And then what? Well, then you open up your life. Check. And then what? And then get on the boat. And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

We end up on with a skipper and Marianne.

[Elon Gold]

And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

And then the Harlem Globetrotters come to play. But this was a.

[Elon Gold]

This was an and then what not moment. It was not an and then what moment. It would be like, yeah, I'll go get to see the car. We knew the what the end. Then what was. And yet he asked it. That's the point. Condescend.

[Adam Carolla]

Also you. And then what? But. But listen, listen. If I said I'm going to Comic Con because I'm the biggest Star wars fan in the world, and I'm bringing some of my Star wars memorabilia to Comic Con.

[Elon Gold]

And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

And then I showed up and somebody said, the guy who played Darth Vader standing on the other side of the convention center when I go, I don't want to see that. Like, I don't know. You're here.

[Elon Gold]

Once I see it.

[Dawson]

And then what?

[Elon Gold]

And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Elon Gold]

Episode Be. And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so it sold. And from the looks of the article, it was 25 or more.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He said it's in the around 25 million. Let me get this exact quote. He says, do first.

[Adam Carolla]

They.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, the comedian wouldn't comment on the final Transactional price, but said it was in. In the $25 million range.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Now I want to buy a 917 and bring it to Ren Sport, meet Seinfeld there, and then try to convince him to come see it. But then he'd say he sold his.

[Elon Gold]

Don't you ever wonder if he's going to hear this? I know Tom Papa will hear this.

[Adam Carolla]

He will.

[Elon Gold]

17 people will send this to Tom Papa, but is one sending it to Rock or Jerry?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me say this. When I started broadcasting, I realized very early that if you picture people you're talking about listening to you or just picture people listening to you, it will change the conversation.

[Elon Gold]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Between 10 and 80%.

[Elon Gold]

Like, it's a lot in a negative direction.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not necessarily. Not necessarily negative. It just will not be the same conversation. And anyone who's gone. Okay, so when you go to dinner at your new girlfriend's house and you're sitting there for Thanksgiving, it's a totally different conversation that we would have watching. Watching football with the boys. But try this experiment. You go to a diner, and it's you and your comedic buddy, whatever. They sit you down in a booth. The worst ever is they get that dude who eats breakfast alone, and he just sits down next to you, and he's just sitting there alone the whole time. And now your conversation is ruined because you want to go on these scatological rants and riffs. You want to bring stuff up. You want to get into Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld and what douchebags are or whatever it is.

[Elon Gold]

I recommend pretending to not think about them.

[Adam Carolla]

It changes your conversation. And I'm in the business of not putting a governor on the conversation. Correct. And so when you think about Seinfeld or Rock or Papa listening, then it affects the conversation. But also, can I say this? I like everybody and don't have a beef with anybody. And all the people were talking, talking about are just fine, thank you.

[Elon Gold]

Like when fine. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

When people say, so I'm not worried about Seinfeld. Have his feelings hurt about this. I like Seinfeld. I like all these guys.

[Elon Gold]

Seinfeld made somebody's feelings clearly hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Elon, we'll take a quick break.

[Elon Gold]

I think we should end the whole podcast. We really should.

[Adam Carolla]

With a pair of leafers out there.

[Elon Gold]

Okay, fine. Oh, so it's. I'm done. No, I don't think I'm gonna get better.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not done.

[Elon Gold]

I don't think I'm gonna. You're not done. Not done. Done.

[Adam Carolla]

Hit with a volleyball. Say it three times.

[Elon Gold]

Hit with a volleyball. A volleyball. Hit with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Carol hasn't arrived yet, so we'll keep talking.

[Elon Gold]

Well, I have a movie coming out.

[Adam Carolla]

Carol. Okay. And Seinfeld. Elaine is molded after. Totally Carol Leifer.

[Elon Gold]

And then she wrote on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

So wrote. So we're all full circle. Hold on. We gotta take a break. We just need a break. We'll do some news and then Carol come in. We'll figure it out.

[Elon Gold]

Great.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in depth, I'm talking about deep. That's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know. All in one place. Homes.com. homes.com. We've done your homework.

[Elon Gold]

I have one rule in my house with my kids. No racial slurs out of their mouths. None.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever.

[Elon Gold]

My kids aren't even allowed to use the word vinegar with the hard R. Oh yeah, they gotta be like, hey dad, can you pass the vinegar?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Elon Gold is on the Adam Corolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Elon's got a stand up special out. Elon Gold 40 minute special.

[Elon Gold]

I don't let my kids say Snickers if they, if Snickers is their favorite. And then they. I always teach them to be polite. I don't ever want to hear them saying Snickers. Please.

[Adam Carolla]

You understand? Please. I don't want.

[Elon Gold]

By the way, it's my son's 18th birthday today. My son is 18. 18, isn't it? You're supposed to say, wow, you look amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

You look amazing.

[Elon Gold]

And I have a 24 year old and I have a daughter who's married now.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Elon Gold]

She got married.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Elon Gold]

Last month. My daughter got. I have a son in law. You know what the law is? I have to pay their rent.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what the fuck happened to kids and rent. And I have these conversations every day which makes me sound like an old asshole. But like when you get divorced, my kids are both 18 and a half. You get divorced, there's a lot of stuff. Who's gonna take care of the kids? Like who's gonna, you gotta give em like an apartment building or something. Like what about the kids? What about the kids? I go, I don't know, you can get a job, you can graduate high.

[Elon Gold]

School and then what?

[Adam Carolla]

You can get a job and then you go do something. I don't know. What do you mean? Why is it incumbent upon me to set up kids for the rest of. By the way, there's a whole table of like lawyers and ladies. They're just looking at you going, what are these kids gonna do? They're gonna get old and then they're gonna get a fucking job or they're gonna be junkies, but they'll fucking figure it out. What am I supposed to do just working in my 90s so they can have shit because they don't feel like working.

[Elon Gold]

I don't think it's about you working for them to have stuff. I think that. Cause I feel the parental pressure of setting them up.

[Adam Carolla]

They need to Be set up.

[Elon Gold]

My connections will help them with getting things. You know what I mean? People do that all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I get. Listen, you want to do sports, I'll interview Bill Simmons is a friend, and he can maybe get you a job on his podcast.

[Elon Gold]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, ma'am. News, Sorry.

[Dawson]

We got some news. Convicted double murderer is set to die by firing squad in South Carolina on Friday, the first execution of its kind in the US in the last 15 years.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't get why we argue over firing squads all the time. Like, we go, we'll do lethal injection, but then somebody's a conscientious objector, which should be a conscientious injector. And they go, I'm not going to provide anything. I took Hippocratic oath. And then we go, well, the problem is it stops the breathing. But sometimes the guys choke and convulse on their own saliva. It's like, give the fucking firing squad, then how are you gonna miss this guy's melon head? You're never gonna miss this guy's head. And you know what I would do? I would go, listen, we'll give you a choice. Lethal injections off the table. Electric chair, too big a draw.

[Elon Gold]

Can we push you off a building?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'll give you a pistol and you can handle it like Hitler. If you like, Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

A machine gun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

Or.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the problem is, at some point, they'll fire back at you. If we give them a machine gun and we only need one bullet, you never get to the. You never empty the whole clip in your head, but you can go out like Eva Braun and Hitler did. I'll give you a fucking cyanide like this. Yeah. Under the chin. I'll give you a cyanide cap so you can do what Nazi generals did, you know, like. Or we'll shoot you and do the whatever. But why are we arguing all the time? Like, we have to be humane. I don't know. We. I don't know about killing people humanely. Most people are killed. Are not killed humane. Whoever this guy killed. Right, was not given a lethal injection and having a priest standing by them. Right? Right. He fucking put a shiv in someone's liver.

[Dawson]

No, two. He killed his ex girlfriend's parents. Yeah. Tied him up, then beat them with the baseball bat.

[Adam Carolla]

They had to be great. If that's the way you go with your wife, like, this guy's beating you to death. It's in separate rooms. In separate rooms. But your last discussion with your wife while you're dying is Going to be an argument. I told you this guy was bad. I told you. Oh, you wouldn't listen. Heart of gold. Heart of gold, you said. You said, I'm happy. You said you wanted grandkids. Remember I told you I had this bad. Hold on. I'm being beaten with a bad. Hold on a second. Okay, hold on with the bat for one second. Remember that time Carol brought him home and I was like, I don't trust this guy. And you're like, I think he has kind eyes. Kind eyes. I'm being beaten to death for the bat by Mr. Kind Eyes over here. So, all right, we'll just go into the great beyond with one last argument, but let's let it know for eternity who is right. All right, continue with the bat beating now, sir. Thank you. Thank you.

[Dawson]

Only three inmates in the US have been executed by firing squads since 1976, with all of them taking place in Utah.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the firing squad like?

[Dawson]

The methodology is three volunteers will fire out.

[Adam Carolla]

Only three.

[Dawson]

A small opening in the death chamber.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dawson]

Yeah. You'd be strapped to a chair, have a hood placed over his head, and a target placed over his heart. I say they make him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, a target over the heart.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elon Gold]

You don't see the guy? Oh, interesting.

[Dawson]

They have to. He has to wear a hood. That's weak sauce. If you're like, man enough to kill people, then you're man enough to die, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Also, I also picture the guy who's.

[Elon Gold]

Like the tag along guy. Hey, we going to the, to the gun club Sunday? Yeah, it's like a gun club. You just show up. It's right there. You see that? Just shoot above in that hole. And then you don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know they did it that way. I was picturing like hay bales out in the courtyard.

[Dawson]

I was surprised that they met the. The weird thing is that, you know, he was. He requested unusual punishment after fearing the electric chair would burn and cook him alive. And then he heard Previous3 Previous inmates took more than 20 minutes to die after receiving the fatal dose of phenobarbital.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, see?

[Dawson]

So he was.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's funny?

[Dawson]

He's fearful.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what's funny about. Here's what's funny about our society. Like, if this guy was facing the fire squad or just put to death death in California, they'd be like, we're gonna strap you to an electric chair. We're gonna give you the firing squad. And I'd go, okay. Any last request would be like, could I have a cigarette? No, no, sorry, that's a little bit. Yeah, that's a third hand smoke. They would literally outlaw smoking on the way to being executed with a firing squad in California.

[Elon Gold]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

100% would not allow smoking. There would be an issue if somebody wanted a cigarette before they're put to.

[Elon Gold]

Death and they would find a way. By the way, I was just in Israel and you know how the quintessential Israeli cab driver just smokes? Like, could you imagine getting into an Uber? A guy smoking, smoke, cigarette after cigarette, the entire car is filled up. I'm asking him, like, can you open the window?

[Adam Carolla]

What is right.

[Elon Gold]

And he goes, why? Why you want it open? I go, the smoke goes, smoke, it's good for you. And I'm like, no, it's not. He goes, what? Tell me what's good for you? And I go, I don't know, like vegetables, Fruit. Fruit. Fruit has a lot of sugar, you know, it has zero sugar. Smoke. That really happened when you see.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe it. It's also weird when you go back and you see like old movies and stuff. Like, I was watching Laurel. Oh, no, not Laurel and Hardy, sorry. I was watching Abbott and Costello in the Jack and the Beanstalk. It came on tv. I don't know why, but it came on and I just started watching it like a movie from the 40s or the 50s. And they get jobs as babysitters and they come walking into this home. And they're walking into the home, they go, all right, we'll be back at 11. Now watch your child. And I go, all right. And the guy, the couple leaves and Costello or Abbott or whatever, they look down, they go, oh, cigars, don't mind if I do. And he pulls a cigar on, he just starts to lie. He's standing in these people's living room.

[Elon Gold]

But that's not the bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Puffing on a cigar and I'm watching and go, could you imagine babysitting at someone's house, coming to light up the stove, the kids and kids standing there.

[Elon Gold]

The cigar lighting wasn't the bit.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, that's the point. That wasn't the joke. That was just space work. That was just something to do in these people's living room.

[Elon Gold]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Versus just standing there with their hands by your side the whole time.

[Elon Gold]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't mind if I do. And he's just puffing away and I'm sitting around and go, Jesus Christ.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah, times have changed. We have, we have a special guest, you know, my next guest. She's A. She's a funny young woman. She's making his. I'm glad you're all in a good mood tonight. I'm glad. Remember when he said that? Yeah, he always said before a comedian. I'm glad you're all in a good mood tonight. We've got Carolifer here. She's playing the Yuck Yucks in Toronto on April 12 to the.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Elon Gold]

Where is she?

[Adam Carolla]

Is she really.

[Elon Gold]

Does she have dates?

[Adam Carolla]

She's got that. Dates. She's gonna be someone else up on the Yuk Yuks. She's gonna. I mean, she's done. She's done Letterman 25 times.

[Elon Gold]

That's nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, that.

[Elon Gold]

With a condom.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh? Oh, with the condom. The Letterman show. Sorry, sorry. Took me a second.

[Elon Gold]

You know, she dated Jerry and worked for Jerry and worked on Seinfeld. And worked on Seinfeld.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we talked. Talk. That's. She's here, by the way.

[Elon Gold]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But, yes, that's funny that we talked about Seinfeld so much. And then she's coming in, so I will ask her about that. All right, so they stand 15ft away, according to the graphic I saw, and they shoot them through a hole in the. Whatever. And then the question is sort of like, do they do it Mafia hit style, where they, like, put plastic down, you know, and had them sit in a folding chair, or do they just come in and mop up? Like. Like what? This dude's a load. You know what I mean? Like, somebody. Somebody's going into the room and somebody's got to show up with a, you know, a stretcher or pallet jack or something, you know what I mean? Like, I would. I would put a pallet in front of him and a pallet jack and I just go, your fat ass gonna fall forward. You're gonna land on this pallet, and then we're just gonna work you out like we work at a Costco. Sorry.

[Elon Gold]

I like it. I never knew there were firing squads.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we have. We have Jack and the Beanstalk.

[Elon Gold]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Abbott Costello, for some unknown reason, does he light up. Unknown reason. Yeah.

[Elon Gold]

Okay, let's see.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. The kid puts a roller skate in front of the door.

[Elon Gold]

So he slips. It's a Home Alone thing.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's got his little baby brother, and he's sitting there. Oh, cigar. Wow. Yeah. Don't mind if I do. Music to my ears. My first victim.

[Elon Gold]

Duty calls.

[Adam Carolla]

See you, Mr. Beagle.

[Elon Gold]

Again, the cigar is not the joke.

[Adam Carolla]

No. The two guys show up to babysit in a suit and Tie the one guy likes a cigar. You know what I said? All right, you can pause it.

[Elon Gold]

There you go. That slips.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I babysit. We sat in the 70s, in the 70s for Reevy and Ronnie, Israelis and then Adam, other Jewish neighbors. Everyone was a Jew.

[Elon Gold]

What neighborhood was it?

[Adam Carolla]

North Hollywood. I got a dollar an hour. There was one of me and I was 13. A dollar an hour. Abbott Costello babysitting, 1949. There's two of them and they're adults. How much are they making?

[Elon Gold]

What are they getting?

[Adam Carolla]

Are they getting like.

[Elon Gold]

And they have to split it. Can you imagine splitting your dollar?

[Adam Carolla]

I was 13. I'd go, I'd babysit for four hours. I'd get $4 and I'd just go, that's enough. I can buy some candy or something. It wasn't enough to get a go kart or any. I didn't have wasn't. It was just a little walking around money. That was all I had in 1949. Babysitters had to be 18 cents an hour and you got to split it. Two middle aged adults.

[Elon Gold]

Nuts. All right, so how do you buy cigars with that kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you steal them from the guy who owns the house. All right, Carol Leifer, let's do one more out there. All right.

[Dawson]

With kid. Offered Google job out of high school, but got rejected by 16 colleges. Now he's suing for discrimination. High achieving student is taking legal action against several university alleging racial discrimination. Stanley Zhang, a 19 year old from Palo Alto, California boasts a 4.42 GPA and a near perfect SAT score of 1590.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like this GPA over 4.

[Elon Gold]

It doesn't make sense.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the fucking coach yelling, I need 110%. Like no you don't. It's 100. We're maxed out at 100. It's four. You can stop at four.

[Elon Gold]

Stop at four.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it, right?

[Elon Gold]

Tom, how many slices of pizza? Nine. There's nine. He's got nine.

[Adam Carolla]

I was at the home show.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I swear to God. You think, okay, he's got a 4.2 GPA. It just stops at 4. It needs to stop at 4. You can't give 110%. But if you want something that's even more infuriating. But not to you two with no building skills in the woodworking world. In the world of hard woods. Dimensional lumber. I'm talking not engineered lumber. I'm talking about hardwood. I'm talking about real trees. Fallen dimensional lumber.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When I'm talking To the person at the Home show, and I'm asking, they're going, we use real wooding on that wood on our cladding on the side of the. I go, what size, what size wood planks do you use? They go, we do five quarter. I go, five quarter? Yeah, five quarter. Now, I know this from. If you go to a hardwood shop and you buy wood, they have three quarters, but one inch is three quarter. When you go to the Home Depot and you go, give me a one by six, you don't get one by six, you get three quarter by five and a half. That's how it works. So if one by is three quarter, then what is a true one inch? It's five quarter because one inch is four quarter, but one inch is three quarters. So they call it five quarter. And I go, you understand that's not real. It's not a. It's not a thing. There's a. You can break something up into quarters, but you can't have five of them. That's 20%, not 25%. So in the world of lumber, a true one inch thick is not four quarter, it's five. And that is equivalent to 110%.

[Elon Gold]

I can't. That's amazing. I can't believe you use that analogy to this Jewish person.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Elon Gold]

Who doesn't know from lumber, who does it, who's never been.

[Adam Carolla]

Depot, you know. Yes, Costco, you know, we'll go to Costco, you know that.

[Elon Gold]

Oh, Costco, sure. But Home Depot, it's not for us. Costco, yeah, we love bulk. Give me 13 of everything.

[Adam Carolla]

But Gilbert, you know.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone knows that a two by four is not a two by four. That you know, right?

[Elon Gold]

Fine.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know that a two by four is an inch and a half by three and a half. Okay? And two being an inch and a half is just three quarter and three quarter. So I call it a two one and one. But it's give the 110 straight corner.

[Elon Gold]

Perfect analogy to the wrong guy.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy, this Asian fella who's trying to get into all these schools ensuing because they're not letting him in with his high GPA over 4 and his almost perfect SAT scores. Listen to me, everyone. Let me explain how life works. You start off with the best of intentions. You say we need more diversity at ucla.

[Elon Gold]

All good, good.

[Adam Carolla]

Intention, good.

[Elon Gold]

And then what?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we need to defund the police and have community policing, you know, okay, Mrs. Pie in the sky, that sounds great. So you go, listen, UCLA does not represent enough Hispanics and enough Blacks and enough whatever. You fill in the blank. So we would like them to be represented at there. And no one can argue with that. You go, good intention tensions. And then at some point you go, well, they're just not enough Hispanics or blacks or whatever that are going to make the cut for ucla. So then you go, okay, we're gonna have to adjust that for these people. So now you start lowering the test scores or adjusting for those people. And then at a certain point the merit volume down. Yes. And at a certain point you go, so UCLA campus and enrollment is not infinite, it's finite. So we can't just go, let's let all the this in and all of that in. So then at certain point you go, we kind of are full. So now you go, okay, but we want diversity. All right, who do we have the most of? Asians. Okay, so here's what we're going to have to do. We're going to have to up their score in order to get into ucla. And we'll simultaneously lower black and Hispanic or whoever we have the least of so that we can balance this out. There is no such thing as just going. We're gonna be inclusive. Somebody's gotta get kicked out and somebody needs to be discriminated against in the name of your inclusivity.

[Elon Gold]

That is the insane thing. Cause you're a hundred percent.

[Adam Carolla]

Get off your fucking pious mountain, all you pricks.

[Elon Gold]

You're A hundred and ten percent right. You're 4.9 quarter better. You're five quarter better. And I'm not kidding. Because when to encapsulate what you just said, even intentions that are meant for inclusion and all the good stuff that everybody would recognizes this is a nice thing end up as the most racist discriminatory politics.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all a shit show. Everything is let's because they take it too far. We'll just shut Los Angeles down for. For eight days till we curb the virus and then we'll open up. Yeah, sure. You will take everything far. Me too.

[Elon Gold]

Was the correction, the societal correction that we needed. Men needed. But then when you're going, oh, Aziz Ansari had a date where the girl went, no, not well. Okay, okay, wait, wait. Now wait, wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop for a second.

[Elon Gold]

Okay, start, start, start. Okay, stop for a second. It's like he's me too'd for that.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the problem with everything. And then what? All right, Carol Leifer's out there. I'm gonna bring her in. I'll say goodbye to Elon and Mayhem. Great, great stuff. I'LL give all the plugs at the end of the show.

[Elon Gold]

Doesn't matter.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Listen, you plug yourself by coming in here.

[Elon Gold]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Knocking it out of the ballpark.

[Elon Gold]

Go plug yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, great. Comedian Carol Leifer will be in studio right after this. Well, breaking news, let's say it's pretty much broken. You're constantly scrolling on your Facebook Twitter. No X now. That's right, TikTok. You're probably over the news. Well, if that sounds like you, I recommend you give a listen to the upfirst podcast from npr. Upfirst frees you from the all day scroll obsession by telling you everything you need to know in an easy 15 minute format. No BS, just short digestible chunks. The show's interesting. It's not your dad's NPR and I enjoy it. Up First Short format makes it easy to catch up on what's happening while you're getting ready, making breakfast or just heading off to work. So digest it, enjoy it and live it, man. It's up first, right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Listen now to the up first podcast from npr.

[Adam Carolla]

O'reilly. Oh, oh, oh. O'reilly Auto Parts. Wow. Yeah. You know the jingle. Yeah. They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts and knowledge you need for maintenance and for repairs as well. I've always been a fan of O'Reilly. You know, I like the wrench. Used to use the one over in North Hollywood, then it was the one up in La Canada, La Crescenta when I used to live out there. I'm always working on my stuff and always using O'Reilly. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts to be knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts, do it today. Or you can Visit us online. O'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam Select Quote there's so many things in life we just never get around to taking up that hobby, cleaning out the garage, you know, you know, you need to do this, you know, little things that don't really make huge differences in our lives. Yet there is one thing that most of us have probably been neglecting that can have a huge impact on our family's future. It's life insurance. And with select quote getting covered with the right policy for you is easier and more affordable than you may think. If you have high blood pressure, no problem. If you have diabetes, that's fine too. Even if you have heart disease. Selectquote partners with carriers that can cover those conditions and others. Head to selectquote.com and a licensed insurance agent will call you right away with the right policy for your life and your budget. It is select quote right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Select quote. They shop, you save. Get the right life insurance quote for you, you for [e-mail] Corolla go to SelectQuote.com Corolla today to get started that SelectQuote.com Corolla it's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

8Th man had a moment the other day. I think you'll appreciate settling down a.

[Elon Gold]

Little bit of you porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything was all lining up for a good old time. Girl was hot, you know, so on and so forth. But then in the background of the video there was the beeping of a dying smoke detector. But I just want you to know gritted my teeth. I got the job done despite the annoying beeping. Get it on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's been usurped. The beeping smoke detector by the black community used to be a white thing and now it's a black thing. When I started off in radio it was white people who had it going off. That's been taken over by the African American community. So next time you get pissed at Elvis.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's talk about smoke detector.

[Carol Leifer]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, now we're talking about smoke detectors. Carol Lever in studio. How to write a funny speech. And I want to know about this book for a wedding. A bar mitzvah graduation.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's talk about do's and don'ts. To me, the first thing I want to think about is length.

[Carol Leifer]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

People going on too long. Right?

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. That's 101 of speeches. But how many events have you been to, Adam, where the person goes on and on and you want to kill yourself?

[Adam Carolla]

Almost every time I do stand up, I think that about myself. No, but no, I agree. And so it's a weird thing which is I liken it to pizza, which is when I go to on the off chance that I have to eat at Domino's, I go give me the thin crust. And the reason I say give me the thin crust is there's less to screw up. It's just you're not going to screw up the crust because it's a quarter inch dick. And my feeling is bridesmaid or best man or whomever you're nervous about this thing. You think you're shorten it up then.

[Carol Leifer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

No one ever says it's too short.

[Carol Leifer]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not skilled at it. So why are you going 17 minutes, let's make it three minutes.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. That's a rookie mistake that people make with speeches. They think, oh, to really celebrate this person, I need to go on and on and on. And you don't. You need to keep it short and sweet. But that's a big reason why I wrote this book with my comedy writer buddy, Rick Mitchell, because people need to make speeches. They're completely afraid of it. And then it's pretty simple how to tell people to write a good speech. And we give you ways to make it a funny speech.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the format? That is simple. Is there a structure?

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

The most common mistakes.

[Carol Leifer]

Mm. Well, as you were saying about speech length, what most people don't realize that we know as comedians is you're probably not the only person who's been asked to give a speech. You're gonna be one of many. So that's why it is important to keep it five minutes or under. And under. Yeah. Because how many events have you gone to where. Where it's this endless parade of people and you're like, I'm so hungry, I need to eat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

Or tea or whatever. Yeah. And I have to listen to one more of these.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you know what? It's funny you say five minutes, because I just did this thing with Bari Weiss in Austin, Texas, at some theater, and it was like a film debate. It's for a series, and so on and so forth. And she smartly had the four people on stage, all speakers, professors. I was the only comedian. But the point is, she said everyone goes and makes an opening statement. The opening statement is five minutes, and there's a countdown clock. And when we get to five, a buzzer goes off. So you have five minutes to make your case. And everyone went out there and made their case in five minutes. And whether there were four or five, and this was about Christianity versus being an atheist or whatever it was, but it's like five minutes ample time. I heard that guy. I got it.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. Well, that was great. That was smart that you did it and that she got a little rough about it. You got a buzzer, and at your.

[Adam Carolla]

Feet, you're playing a 1300 seat theater. But as you look down, you're looking at a countdown that started with five minutes, your first syllable that comes out of your mouth.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hit it.

[Carol Leifer]

Hey, that's Great. Well, we know that, you know, from playing Vegas, they have the clocks in the stage, and you really have to keep that, as you know, because they need to get everybody out onto the floor. Gambling.

[Adam Carolla]

Did they have them back in the day? Because comedy clubs did not have clocks traditionally.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, just the light.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the light. But they wouldn't light you, per se, if you were headlining or you might ask for the light. But they did not have a clock. They all have clocks now. But did Vegas have clocks early on because they were a different cadence or schedule?

[Carol Leifer]

Well, I hate to name drop someone who I opened for, but I opened for Frank Sinatra.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Carol Leifer]

At Bally's in Las Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

What year?

[Carol Leifer]

Part of his story, 1989. And of course, there was a clock, an opening for Frank Sinatra. You stuck to the schedule for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Carol Leifer]

Well, or else a large man named Vito would come after you afterwards.

[Adam Carolla]

What were you doing? How many minutes?

[Carol Leifer]

15.

[Adam Carolla]

15. And literally that meant 15, not 15 and 45 seconds.

[Carol Leifer]

Exactly. And the clock was in the stage and I knew exactly when to skedaddle.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And how many shows did you do with him?

[Carol Leifer]

I did four.

[Adam Carolla]

And how was.

[Carol Leifer]

Was amazing. Well, let me tell you how I got the job. Okay. I met, you know, I was doing comedy clubs and doing my standup thing, and I met this agent who will go remain nameless for now. But he said, you know, I think he could be doing a lot better as a standup. And he said, come to my office. Give me a list of the gigs you've done and how much you got, and we'll go over it. So I brought the list to his office and he was going over each. Oh, you got that at Laugh a lot. You know, I could do better than that, you know. Oh, this is it from the funny Barn. No, no, we could do much better.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this like pre. Are you doing Letterman hits at the spots at this point? So you're on tv.

[Carol Leifer]

I'm on tv, Right. So I decided to sign with him. Cut to, like, six months later. The gigs are horrible. I'm literally working at ground round restaurants on the Jersey Turnpike trying to talk over the sound of crush peanut shells on the floor. Yeah, because they would give you peanut shells.

[Adam Carolla]

They had the barrel.

[Carol Leifer]

So I kept saying to him, what's happening with the great gigs? And he was like, I'm working on Frank. And I'm like, at this point, who? Frank Stallone working for him. What's happening? And more shitty gigs. More shitty gigs. And then finally, I'm working on a cruise ship Adam. And you know, back in the day when you got a phone call on a cruise ship, someone in your family died or your apartment was unto.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a big deal.

[Carol Leifer]

It was a big deal. And he called me, he said, I got your opening from Frank Sinatra at Bally's in Las Vegas. And I was like, wow. He was like, apparently friends with Jilly Rizzo, you know, who is Frank's manager. And I got. And it's still the highlight of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Where was Frank at this point in his career? Age and so forth?

[Carol Leifer]

In 89, he was older, but still delivering. I remember, I think he was Talking about Sinead O'Connor and not liking her because she ripped up a picture of the Pope. But he was still great. And what I loved as a performer, and I think you would have loved as a performer, is he would go out and however the crowd was, I mean, of course it's Frank and people loved him. But if it was an extra into it crowd, he'd do more time. You know, if they were a little laid back, he'd lay back. But he would introduce me after, when he came on, which was incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

And he said, oh, after his set.

[Carol Leifer]

Before his set, like, when I would walk off, he would bring me back for a bow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Carol Leifer]

Which was incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

That was great.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. And one night he said some funny things. One night he said, that was Carol Leifer. Funny broad. I wish my mother had been that funny. I wouldn't have had to work so hard. And then he went to Summer Breeze, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, it was incredible and interesting being. I mean, it's great. It is. I mean, to say, you know, it's like kind of window in time, like doing. You know, sometimes I realize I did Letterman a couple times as panel, though not as a standup, you know, but sometimes you'll be talking to a younger person, comedian or whatever. They go, you did Letterman?

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause you realize that's sort of their Carson.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then. But now Carson. Did you do Carson or the Tonight show with Leno?

[Carol Leifer]

I did it with Jay a few times, but I never did it with Johnny until one time right before he retired, because I auditioned for the show 22 times.

[Adam Carolla]

22 times. 22 times an audition means they come see you at a club, do a set.

[Carol Leifer]

Right, Right. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know they're coming.

[Carol Leifer]

You know they're coming, But I could never crack it. And each time I was like, you know, after time 11, you want to see me again?

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Carol Leifer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's such a weird, vulnerable position. To be in that most people never put themselves in, because life doesn't really work that way. Meaning people have jobs, people have pressure. And whether you're an accountant or a roofer, you have to show up somewhere, you have to do something. And at some point, you may not be performing, and at some point you may get laid off, but you never really have the critique that they have with you. Like, they sit down and they go, it's a little too much of this and a little too not enough of that. And by the way, it's also not a science. So if you do make mistakes as a roofer, you put some shingles on backwards and there's a leak, and you made some mistakes as an accountant, your client got audited, whatever. The math didn't add up. But as a comedian, who to say who's funny or what's working or what the vibe is, it's really all kind of up to that person who's critiquing you, Right?

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. And, you know, Jim McCauley at the time was the guy and the only guy who was the gatekeeper to Johnny Carson. So it was totally up to him. But I think also because I was a Letterman act and had done the Letterman show so many times, they kind of dismissed me as, oh, yeah, she does Letterman.

[Adam Carolla]

They used to have real big. They were very territorial back in the day. And there was a serious thing of, like, if you were on Letterman, then you couldn't do Leno or you couldn't do Tonight show and vice versa. And if this guy went on to plug his movie onto Letterman, then he couldn't go on the Late show or the Tonight show after that. There were so many rules. And there's no more rules anymore.

[Carol Leifer]

No. And also, I don't think younger comedians understand that for my generation, to get on the Tonight show was everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

And there were, like, no other big outlets. And now, you know, to do the. It's really better to do podcasts that are popular than even network late night shows.

[Adam Carolla]

I was told by Elon Gold that we had to break down the Jerry Seinfeld tape of not wanting to see my Porsche with you. Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

I want to hear.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you dated and your friends and you worked with him for so many years. What was that relationship like? Where did you guys meet? We'll set the table before we play the tape.

[Carol Leifer]

So I go to audition. Audition night. Open mic night at the Comic Strip.

[Adam Carolla]

What year is this?

[Carol Leifer]

This is 77. And I went with my college buddy Paul Reis.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Carol Leifer]

And we Went on audition night, open mic night, and Jerry Seinfeld was the emcee. And that night he put me through the audition. Paul Reiser and Rich hall, if you remember Richard Hall.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Rich Hall, Sniglitz. Sniglitz, that's right, Rich Hall, Stand up. But it also was on snl, I think, and it had a Sniglitz. I don't know how to explain it other than then it was a thing.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And a book.

[Carol Leifer]

Right. And I'm actually gonna be working with Richal at the Barnes of Wolf Trap.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's kind of crazy. These three big names of standup all just sort of show up at the same time along with seinfeld, who's in 77 is Seinfeld, but not really Seinfeld.

[Carol Leifer]

No, not at all. But he was like a big gun at the Comic Strip. So I literally know him from my first day night at the Comic Strip.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. And then we dated briefly and then we stayed friends all these years. And then when I moved out to la, of course I'm still friends with Larry David, who passed me on the audition at Catch Rising Star. So I also know him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. And so.

[Adam Carolla]

And is Elaine based on you, as they say?

[Carol Leifer]

People say that, but you know, I think they draw that comparison because I dated Jerry and we have stayed friends and I think that's where the comparison ends. But anyway, so we stayed friends and then when I moved out to la, I got a call one day from Jerry and Larry and I'm thinking, why are they calling me together? And they said, do you want to write for Seinfeld? And my inexperience was an advantage because they didn't want people who'd written for TV before because especially Larry felt like people who'd written for TV before had poisoned the medium.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Carol Leifer]

And it was, you know, bad, bad stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

How, how many seasons did you write for Seinfeld?

[Carol Leifer]

Three.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I gotta remember to bring up a name to you because you're gonna know this. Okay, we'll play the Seinfeld.

[Carol Leifer]

Dave. Yeah, yeah, I want to hear you.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell us because you're inside, you know the man to set the table. There's an exotic Porsche that I own that Paul Newman raced at Le Mans. And it's a very, it's a one of one car. I was at a Porsche event with Jerry, so were 10,000 other people. But I was there and I was talking to Jerry, looking at his Porsche race cars that I brought there. And I'd asked him if he'd like to step over here, 100ft away and see my Porsche race car. And here's what's his.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. I talked with Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Who wanted me to see his Paul Newman 935. But it was so many people around and there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was kind of difficult for me to maneuver. And he kept pushing me. You've got to see my 9:35. I go, why? Why do I have to see it? What will happen in your mind that will be so great? Will it be me going, wow, cool car. And then what? Then nothing.

[Elon Gold]

The big winter boot camp.

[Adam Carolla]

So you said. I'll just say it now.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

The winter boot of reality. You'll say. I'll say it now.

[Elon Gold]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice car. It's a nice car.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Great.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You're great.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is weird, isn't it? Kind of cool to me. Oh, look right over there, there's a 935.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I don't own that car anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

That car's been sold.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Sold. That was the one out at Gooding, right? That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, he had a 935.

[Carol Leifer]

Right. And he's on with Spike Farriston, who also write for Seinfeld.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think? You know the man.

[Carol Leifer]

That seems to me to be a pretty standard response. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Jerry.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. He just says it like it is. Whatever he's thinking, whatever he's feeling for better or worse. And there you go. But I do remember Adam at Richard. Not Richard Lewis, at Bob Einstein's memorial. He was on Curb.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, Super Dave. I was there.

[Carol Leifer]

Right. I know that because you went over to Jerry.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he came over to me.

[Carol Leifer]

He came over to you. Okay. And you guys were talking about cars for, I think, a good amount of time. So doesn't that kind of balance out?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was weird because we were sitting in the back of. Or I was sitting toward the back of Super Dave's memorial. And I was just standing there, and Jerry sort of made his way over to me to talk to me about. Wasn't about cars. He wanted to talk about politics or something where he'd seen something or something that I did. So he. He made his way over to me. Now, my impulse at the funeral would have been, oh, that's Seinfeld. But I'm not gonna bother him. I don't really know the guy. And other people were talking to him. And now I have a recollection that you may have been right in that neighborhood. Too. And I was just sort of trying to stay in the back and not make a lot of noise. But he came across because I didn't move. I was just standing there and he sort of came across to talk to me. So when I saw him at Rennsport at the Porsche thing five years later, because it's only six months ago or whatever, I was like, oh, well, okay, Jerry, now that you know, now I'm your best friend.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Come over here. Inconsistent. You're right. At the funeral, he came up to me, but when I came up to him at the Rennsport, Different.

[Carol Leifer]

Different. And I am surprised because he's so into cars and into Porsches that I would have thought immediately he would have. Yeah. Run to see your car.

[Adam Carolla]

So confusing to you. Even someone who knows him as well.

[Carol Leifer]

Not really confusing. Yeah, he just, you know, like when I've been on the road with him and open for him, you know, a lot of people ask for his. His photo and he'll just say, you know, something along the lines of, oh, not today, but, you know, can I give you a nice hello? You know, that kind of thing. He just kind of. And it's just very clear and direct.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

I think that's how he likes to be. And, you know, he has earned that privilege, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now, I'm not hurt, but a name popped into my head as you were talking about writing for Seinfeld. And it's a name that pops into my head periodically. I think about this woman a lot because I have a very weird, kind of eerie and unique story with Marjorie Gross.

[Carol Leifer]

Wow. Marjorie Gross? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You must know that name.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, absolutely. We wrote the understudy together, the Bette Midler episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Carol Leifer]

Yes, yes. Marge Gross, One of the funniest stand ups from Toronto.

[Adam Carolla]

She was on the thing. I was sitting here and I think about her periodically because of the sort of have a history, an interesting history with her. And also she's made a lot of Letterman appearances as well. Probably not as many as you, but she was a standard up who did Letterman. And so we were kind of talking about Letterman and then we were talking about Seinfeld. And I remember she wrote on Seinfeld and then I read there probably wasn't a ton of ladies writing on Seinfeld. Like you guys would know each other for sure.

[Carol Leifer]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So you wrote the Bette Midler episode for Seinfeld together with Marjorie.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. Well, I'm interested to hear about your history with Marjorie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Wasn't romantic.

[Carol Leifer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I don't think she rolled that way.

[Carol Leifer]

No, no. She dove into the lady pond.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. My history with Marjorie Groce is I was working as a carpenter, and I got onto some sort of celebrity assistant list where the celebrity assistant. The assistants for celebrities would have a network. Like, they would talk like, they do that now. Where they go, the assistant, the writer's assistant has, like, these networks where they do.

[Carol Leifer]

But how did you have it back then when there was no social media, no computers?

[Adam Carolla]

I say this all the time. When I was in junior high, I heard a story that Rod Stewart had to get his stomach pump because he had a gallon of seats. And they go, yeah. I go, I lived in North Hollywood. Where'd you live? And they go, brattleboro, Vermont. And I go, do you remember that story? Yes, I do. And I go, well, how the fuck did that happen in 1978?

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How did the Rod Stewart story get to Brattleboro, Vermont.

[Carol Leifer]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

From. Oh, and to North Hollywood?

[Carol Leifer]

No. No explanation. Or the Richard Gere gerbil story. How did that make its way?

[Adam Carolla]

How? And then you start singing the dumb spoof songs about, you know, Beverly Hillbillies theme where it got Aunt Ellie pregnant or whatever it is, and you're like, how do you know that song? Because you grew up in North Dakota.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's how it worked. Stuff would go viral before anything.

[Carol Leifer]

I know. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So there was some sort of assistant, you know, underground railroad or something of who they knew. And once the word got out that I was a good carpenter and I was nice and I didn't steal and, you know, I cleaned up after myself, I started getting calls from, like, Scott Baio's assistant. Oh, wow. Hades Seagal. It worked at her house, you know. And so I get the Marjorie Gross call. I don't remember how that's so funny, but somehow connected to these other people. At least that's my recollection. She found out about me being a carpenter.

[Carol Leifer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was. She just moved into the west side. She got a little Spanish bungalow on the west side she bought. It was like, her first house or something, and she was riding for Seinfeld, and she was living sort of behind, as it strikes me, kind of behind where, like, Dan Tannis is or something somewhere in that neighborhood on the west side. And she wanted me to build her an entertainment unit. When people had big TVs and VCR drawers and tapes and stuff, I built some entertainment units, you know.

[Carol Leifer]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It was a thing, like, entertainment unit, you know, the big cutout for the. For the TV in the center and all the tracks and everything. And I was going to her house, working on these projects at her house when I heard about the boxing match that Kevin and Bean on KROQ were having, that where Jimmy Kimmel was involved, that ended up getting me into show business.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I showed up at her house.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In the morning after listening to it on the radio, and I said, can I use your phone to call the radio station?

[Carol Leifer]

Wow. So I would be very bad if she said, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't have a cell phone and I needed to call. And I was in my. I was in my truck listening to it on the way over, going, oh, man, I gotta call the station and tell them that I'm a boxing trainer. It's a long story. She said, yeah, I used the phone. I called busy or leave a message or whatever. And I started talking to her, and she was like, yeah, I'm a write for Seinfeld and so forth. And I was like, oh, man, you're living my dream because I'm driving a truck and I'm a carpenter, but I want to get into comedy, and I can't. Like, what a great gift, writing for something. You bought your own house. I got an apartment with three roommates and blah, blah, blah. And so I like. She was nice. And I remember she liked hockey and was Canadian.

[Carol Leifer]

Big hockey fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Big hockey fan.

[Carol Leifer]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

And I finished a project and whatever, move on to the next gig. And then probably two years later, maybe less, two or three years, I don't remember my manager. So now I'm in show business. Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

You had a manager.

[Adam Carolla]

I got into show business right after I met her.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I became successful. And my manager calls me in his office and he goes, hey, I got a call from Marjorie Gross's brother.

[Carol Leifer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, yeah. And he said he found a check made out to adam Carolla for $1,300.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

In her belongings because she died of ovarian cancer.

[Carol Leifer]

She did die of ovarian cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right after I was saying, boy, what a life. You know? Boy, I wish I could switch places with you, you know?

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

She died.

[Carol Leifer]

She hadn't paid you for your.

[Adam Carolla]

She paid me. And this guy went through her canceled checks. He was going through her belongings, and he's going through. Her brother is going through her belongings after she passed. And he's looking at a check to Adam Carolla, who he knows from tv, because now I'm on tv.

[Carol Leifer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's like, why would my daughter write this other comedian, actor Guy, sorry, my sister for 1300. What is she paying Adam Carolla for? Like, jokes or something? And I had to explain, I was being paid as a carpenter.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was so close to me being a carpenter and being in the show business in this small little window. She died quickly.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it always stuck with me. I always went, God, see, life.

[Carol Leifer]

I know life is tricky, but here's the beautiful thing about working with Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David it on Seinfeld. Marge was diagnosed with cancer while she was working at Seinfeld and going through chemo. And they put a cot in her office so that when she needed to, she could take some downtime and rest or sleep. I mean, they were just that nice of guys. And Bette Midler doing the episode of Seinfeld that we wrote. It's hard to think of a time when Seinfeld was not the mega hit it became. And we needed a celebrity to play the celebrity that's in the softball league with the comics. And literally, we went out. I remember being on the phone with Liza Minnelli and trying to get her to do this part, and she was like, it's not. You don't use me enough. I have to pass because you don't use me enough. Enough. And then we reached out to Bette Midler, and Bette Midler knew Marge from the old days in New York when she was starting out in cabarets.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Carol Leifer]

And she said. And she heard that Marge was diagnosed with cancer. And she said, I'm going to come out and do it for Marge.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. Yeah. So she was very. Loved Marge. She was funny as fuck. I swear to God. I don't know if I've met a woman since who's as fun as Marge, but that is a crazy memory you have.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was seared in because I was like, I literally used her phone to get me into show business.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Number one. Number two, I thought she was on top of the world. And then she was dead, you know, in a very short period of time after that. And then I was in show business when she passed. And I periodically think of her and I just go, you know, I think she died, I don't know, 42. I don't know. Young.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, I think it was about that. Maybe even 40 young.

[Adam Carolla]

And with Seinfeld up and still going, when she died, was she there?

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So she was like, season what through?

[Carol Leifer]

She was. She came after me. I think she was season six. And that's, you know, that was the year that she passed away.

[Adam Carolla]

I know where I was. It was 94 for me. It was like April 94. And I didn't know if she was sick then or not. So now we gotta find out.

[Carol Leifer]

When did she pass? I think it was 96.

[Adam Carolla]

Pass. Cause she must have just started at Seinfeld when I Met Marjorie, maybe 6-7-96. So the middle of 96. And I sort of met her in the middle of 94.

[Carol Leifer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

She must have been there for a couple seasons or something.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, but don't you think about that a lot? I mean, that's why her memory is seared into your brain, because you made that call and that was like this one call that led you on this path. That's crazy. And I think about that with going to an open mic night and, you know, Jerry Seinfeld being the emcee and putting me through, you think of these, like, you know, seminal moments in a career that, like, if that hadn't happened, what would have happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then there's people whose car breaks down and the person that picks them up is a serial killer. And it's like, well, that's a bit. That's a bit of luck or serendipity in the other direction.

[Carol Leifer]

That's the other side. Yes. I mean, it's crazy. Like, I don't know if you know the story of how Paul Reiser got diner. You know, Barry Levins, sure love that movie. He went with another comic, his name was Adam Kane. Just, you know, they were gonna go, I swear to God, to buy underwear or something at Gimbals. He was like, you wanna come with me? Sure. And then Adam was like, oh, I gotta stop and do this audition for this movie. You wanna come? And I was like, sure. And he's sitting in the lobby, you know, blah, blah, blah. And Adam did his reading and then he came out and the casting director was like, oh, you, you wanna, you wanna read? And he was like, Paul's like, sure, give me the sides and I'll read. And then it gets diner.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, it's like crazy Diner. I don't wanna say underrated, underutilized or something. Doesn't mean. Doesn't get the spins. It should get on cable. Star studded Mickey Rourke, Daniel Stern, Kevin Bacon, everyone when they're young, crazy, funny. Ellen Barkin, Ellen Barkin, Guttenberg, they're all. The young version of everyone is there. Funny cast, funny writing, funny everything and should be seen. And people kind of miss they. They don't. It's not on their list or what have You.

[Carol Leifer]

But yeah, right. It doesn't. When you're strolling, scrolling through the channels, it doesn't seem to pop up as much as Sweet Home Alabama.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or Made to order or something, you know, or Made in Manhattan or whatever. Whatever.

[Carol Leifer]

Whatever is on an endless loop.

[Adam Carolla]

All these shit rom coms are just never, never ending with, you know, Kate Hudson is back with Matthew and it's like, yeah, yeah, but show this.

[Carol Leifer]

No diner. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Agreed. All right, let me give you a plug, my dear. I'm glad I remembered the Marjorie Crosby.

[Carol Leifer]

I am, too. It's such a kooky, you know, strange story, but it's amazing that you remember her and what it led to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's weird that I saw her in the middle of 94 and she died in the middle of 96. And somehow now, in those two years, I'd gone from guy driving a pickup truck building people cabinets to on MTV every night. Insanely. I wasn't even close to that. And it just happened that one little period.

[Carol Leifer]

Right? And using the phone, you know how many people would have been like, this fucking construction guy wants to eat. No, no, get to work. Let's go. There's the hammer, there's the wood. Start building.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't supply the hammer and the wood. But, yeah, I get what you're saying. I'll bring my own tools. No, I walked out of my truck and left all my stuff in my truck and walked in and went, can I use the phone? Like, I wasn't halfway into anything. I came up the driveway and was like, I need to use the phone. She's like, in the kitchen, like, I gotta call the radio station.

[Carol Leifer]

Very, very gracious and very kind of her. And very ambitious of you to want to make a call while you're about to go to work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it all worked out.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. Well, I think you were in the middle of a plug.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yes, the plug. How to write a funny speech. This is important. It can make or break an event, people. And that is out as we speak. And there's dates.

[Carol Leifer]

March 11th. Yeah, two. Yeah. Sorry, Stan, dates.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, let me make sure I got the date. March 11th that's coming out.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that correct?

[Carol Leifer]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And dates. Hermosa Beach.

[Carol Leifer]

Coming up, Comedy and Magic club.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Carol Leifer]

Age 20.

[Adam Carolla]

Gonna be in Virginia.

[Carol Leifer]

Mm. Barnes of Wolf Trap.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. In Vienna, Virginia. Wow.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And you should go to Carol. Wow. It's weird. When I see her name Leifer, it's almost my last name. Carol Leifer. And it's L. E I F E R. Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

Spell it correctly when you come see.

[Adam Carolla]

Me is where you go for dates. About the book. March 11th. Book's coming up. Pre order. Yeah, pre order it now.

[Carol Leifer]

And people need this book. And as you can see, it's very handy. It's very short. You'll learn everything you need to know step by step. We have templates. If you're lazy, we have templates. You can just plug in what you need to give the best speech of your life. It's a great gift. And it's only $16.95.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Thank you. I'm gonna be doing dates. Phoenix, Desert Ridge improv, doing stand up. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, bunches of shows. Some tickets left, so come on out and say hi. Go to mcroll.com for that. Until next time, it's Adam for Elon and Carol saying mahalo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and then get tickets to see the ace [e-mail].

[Elon Gold]

Pluto TV is the place for movie fans.

[Carol Leifer]

Like me and TV fans like me.

[Elon Gold]

They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free.

[Adam Carolla]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Elon Gold]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Carol Leifer]

Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Adam Carolla]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker, or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run Forrest. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.