Tim Hawkins on How Eric Clapton’s Take on COVID Lowers His Ranking in Rolling Stone’s GOAT List

Summary

Adam Carolla Show — Podcast Summary

Episode Title: Tim Hawkins on How Eric Clapton’s Take on COVID Lowers His Ranking in Rolling Stone’s GOAT List
Date: May 19, 2026
Host: Adam Carolla
Guest: Tim Hawkins (Comedian & Musician)
News Segment: Alicia Krause

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Episode Overview

In this comedic, wide-ranging episode, Adam Carolla welcomes comedian and musical parody master Tim Hawkins. The conversation flows from reflections on Hawkins’s comedy trajectory and musical background, to sharp, irreverent takes on pop culture mainstays like Rolling Stone’s guitar rankings, aging rock stars, AI’s creep into entertainment, parenting, and the consequences of COVID-era virtue signaling in media and society. The episode also features a news segment with Alicia Krause covering LA politics, cultural clashes in London, youth crime, and more, all with Adam’s signature blend of dry wit, exasperated realism, and humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tim Hawkins’s Comedy Career and Special (02:53–15:05)

• Career Path:

  • Hawkins recently released a new special, Fist Bump (Amazon Prime), which Adam describes as “funny and available.”
  • Grew up in St. Louis; started out playing baseball at Missouri (right-fielder), but ultimately dropped out to pursue comedy.
  • Early comedy experiences: Opened at St. Louis’s Funny Bone, inspired by seeing comics like Rick Overton.
  • “There’s no real manual to do comedy. You just kind of start.” — Tim Hawkins (15:27)
  • Mentorship: Craig Hawksley (Almost selected for Blue Collar Comedy Tour) pointed out you don’t need new material every open mic.

• Writing Process and Being a ‘Clean’ Comedian:

  • Writes from personal experience and relatability (“Instead of trying to write funny, I just live my life.” — [25:07])
  • Maintains clean material, not primarily for faith, but both as a challenge and reflection of personal sensibilities.
  • “Can you be as funny as humanly possible in a clean way? I think that's a challenge.” — Tim Hawkins (25:07)

2. Comedy, Skills, and Expertise (17:00–31:00)

• Life Skills:

  • Adam and Tim discuss practical expertise vs. modern job specialization.
  • Stand-up/comedy = a craft and “field of expertise,” akin to trades like plumbing or contracting.
  • “How vulnerable would you feel going through life not having something you could hang your hat on?” — Adam Carolla (30:17)

• Parenting & Motivation:

  • Hawkins’ parents (teachers) were endlessly supportive; his wife encouraged him: “If we’re going to be poor, I’d rather be poor with a purpose, so just go for it.” (21:25)
  • Both discuss the persistence required to break through in comedy, and the importance of ignorance (not knowing how bad you are when you start).

3. Pop Culture & Aging Performers (07:54–14:10, 11:26–15:03)

• Old Rock Bands/Performers:

  • Carolla expresses skepticism at bands performing with no original members, referencing Foreigner and the Coasters.
  • “Some of these guys need to quit. It's bad. Some people can carry the voice...some can’t.” — Tim Hawkins (11:26)
  • Contemporary audiences, in Adam’s view, don't care about “actual musicianship and singing” as much — they just want the hits, be it AI-driven or lip-synced.

• AI in Music:

  • Both discuss the rise of AI vocals and its lack of “soul”—a nostalgia for the imperfect “analog” over digital perfection.
  • “It’s good enough. Simulation.” — Adam Carolla (13:32)

4. Rolling Stone, Eric Clapton, and Political Bias in Rankings (55:28–63:50)

• Rolling Stone Ranking Controversy:

  • Carolla and Hawkins ridicule Rolling Stone for demoting Eric Clapton based not on musicianship, but his COVID-19 vaccine skepticism.
  • “Eric Clapton was number two. Now he's like number 35, and they've got Joan Baez in front of him... all because of COVID.” — Adam Carolla (56:02)
  • “The Oscars, Rolling Stone, the WHO…they did it to themselves. They lost trust.” — Adam Carolla (58:44)

• Memorable Quote:

  • “These days, nobody really considers Clapton God. His COVID comments clearly rule out any chance of being all-knowing. But that doesn’t stop guitarists from worshiping his playing.” — (Rolling Stone characterization, Adam reading at 61:12)

• Clapton’s Side:

  • They play an audio clip of Clapton describing his adverse vaccine reactions and discuss the absurdity of virtue signaling and pandemic-group-think in media and music.
  • “You're now better than Clapton because of a virus ... that Rolling Stone lied about the entire time.” — Adam Carolla (57:33)

5. Food, Fries, & American Nostalgia (39:00–55:05)

• Fish & Chips Temptation:

  • Hilarious exchange about resisting fried food, “sharing” masculinity boundaries, and the ultimate comfort of fish and chips.
  • “Burger’s still weird to share...but fish and chips, it’s all individual pieces.”

• Fries Debate:

  • Crinkle fries reign supreme in both men’s eyes.
  • “I call them bowling alley fries.” — Tim Hawkins (41:56)
  • “Crinkle fry. Little meatier, holds the ketchup nice.” — Adam Carolla (42:50)

• Food Themes:

  • Riffs on fast food marketing (“Now hiring rock stars” at Jimmy John’s).
  • Tangents on beverage flavors ("Why do you need cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper’s perfect.” — Adam Carolla [44:59])

6. Parenting, Upbringing, and the Sandwich Test (49:12–55:21)

• Sandwich Barometer:
  • Adam’s recurring “Mom Sandwich Test” as a proxy for how much a mom “loved” her kid, using stories of Tim’s mom’s bologna sandwiches vs. Adam’s own lack (“no sandwich mom”).
  • Food combinations — Hawkins likes all foods to “touch,” especially chips in sandwiches.

7. News & Social Commentary with Alicia Krause (52:40–102:58)

• LA Politics & Newsom’s Power Games (74:54–88:09):

  • Debate about California politics and one-party rule, referencing recent disasters and Gavin Newsom’s responses.
  • “But the stay the course part is, it's insanely insulting when Karen Bass says this, by the way, there's more work to do... You just made it worse in the last four years.” — Adam Carolla (85:13)

• Crime and Parenting:

  • New DC policy proposal to hold parents accountable for “teen takeovers” and urban anarchy.
  • “Where are these parents? ... Sorry, but whether it’s your kid or it’s your dog, if your dog bites someone, that’s on you.” — Adam Carolla (95:50)

• Culture Clashes in the UK:

  • Coverage of dueling London protests — anti-immigration (“keep UK, UK”) versus pro-Palestinian/Hamas marches.
  • Adam laments erosion of cultural identity: “If everyone’s speaking Spanish and selling guavas on the street, then I might as well just live in Mexico.” (92:07)

• Cate Blanchett & MeToo:

  • Cate Blanchett’s comments about sexism in Hollywood, workplace homogeneity, and how “the MeToo movement got killed very quickly.”
  • Adam and Andrew lampoon the self-seriousness and “accent wisdom” of Hollywood figures.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “There’s a certain level of ignorance. If I knew how bad I was in the beginning, I would have quit a long time ago.” — Tim Hawkins (16:26)
• “If you do an hour in front of a crowd, that’s a field of expertise.” — Adam Carolla (28:14)
• “Young people don’t seem to give a shit, they just want hits. Paula Abdul comes out, doesn’t sing, lip-syncs, and they don’t care.” — Adam Carolla (13:21)
• “Women don’t care about actual musicianship and singing, and then guys are gonna be fucking robots, and it’s all gonna be over.” — Adam Carolla (13:32)
• “Fish and chips, I argue, nothing better.” — Adam Carolla (41:27)
• “How vulnerable would you feel going through life not having something you could hang your hat on?” — Adam Carolla (30:17)
• “You’re now better than Clapton because of a virus Rolling Stone lied about the entire time.” — Adam Carolla (57:33)
• “Fight the power! Unless the power is funding your tour.” — Tim Hawkins (63:25)
• “We need to hold the parents accountable. This is tough because it’s a little impractical—most of the parents, the moms working a graveyard shift—but look, your kid is not allowed to just run the street wild.” — Adam Carolla (97:32)
• “Good news—you got your first black female mayor in LA. She fucked it 10 ways to Sunday. Now we need a white dude to fix it. But you got your first, you can all congratulate yourselves.” — Adam Carolla (87:12)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [02:53] Hawkins Introduced & Special Plug
• [13:21] Modern Audiences & AI in Music
• [21:25] Tim’s Wife Encourages Pursuit of Comedy
• [25:07] Writing Process & “Clean” Comedy Philosophy
• [30:17] “Field of Expertise” Rant
• [39:00] Fish & Chips/Burgers (Food Nostalgia)
• [55:28] Rolling Stone & Eric Clapton Rant
• [61:49] Clapton’s Own Words about Vaccine
• [74:54] LA Politics, Newsom, and City Decline
• [95:02] “Teen Takeover” Legislation and Parental Responsibility
• [99:34] Cate Blanchett, MeToo, & Hollywood Hypocrisy

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Tone & Style

Humorous, sharp, unsparing, irreverent, and conversational; Adam and Tim riff freely but always circle back to larger themes of authenticity, cultural decay, and comedic insight. The show’s “no-nonsense” tone is balanced with warmth—especially when digging into childhood memories, the struggle for creative success, and the value of perseverance.

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Summary Verdict

This episode exemplifies Adam Carolla’s mix of nostalgia, gripes against contemporary trends, love of down-to-earth perspectives, and scathing skepticism of institutional groupthink. Through Tim Hawkins’s journey and observations, listeners get not only comedy-industry anecdotes but also thoughtful takes on talent, risk, family, and the absurdities of modern culture. The news portion continues the pattern: incisive, critical, but often laugh-out-loud funny, especially on the self-destruction of LA politics, the performative hypocrisy of the media, generational divides on pandemic policy, and the perils of elevating virtue over competence.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, comedian Tim Hawkins joins me. Also Alicia Krause with the news. We'll do that right after this. This is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. If you care about predictions, you care about props. And right now it's all about playoff pressure. From the hardwood to the ice, every possession, every shift, every shot. Well, it all matters. Betonline has always been the home of real sports betting. Deep markets, sharp odds and player props built for fans who know these games aren't random. The NBA playoffs are heating up, stars taking over, series swinging on a single score. And in the NHL, it's all speed, grit and sudden death. Moments where one goal changes everything. Lines tighten, pressure builds and Betonline delivers live betting and in game odds that move with every bucket, every breakaway, every goal. This is where the action happens, where experience shows and where the smallest edge makes the biggest difference. Bet online. The game starts here.

[Dawson]

May 27th. Hollywood history meets radio history. As KROQ's own Adam Carolla is honored with a star on the legendary Hollywood Walk of fame Wednesday, May 27, 11:30am at the corner of Hollywood and Highland. This isn't just a celebration of one career. It's recognition of a city, an era and the soundtrack of Southern California itself. Join Jimmy Kimmel, Dr. Drew and generations of Loveline fans for Adams induction as a Hollywood icon While celebrating over 50 years of the greatest radio station in the country, the world famous KROQ. Wednesday, May 27, 11:30am at the corner of Hollywood and Highland. Congratulations, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for tuning into the Adam Carolla Show. You can watch the full show on YouTube just search Adam Carolla show and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also get the podcast wherever you like to listen. And for extra content, ad free episodes and more, you can head over to our substack and sign up today.

[Dawson]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Tim Hawkins. Plus the news with Alicia Crouse. And now Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on a choice but get on mandate. Get it on. Thanks for telling Fred. Love that about you. Tim Hawkins in studio Comedian musicians got a special streaming now on Amazon prime first bump it is like I said, funny and available and pretty new. Came out like what, a month ago?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, pretty new.

[Adam Carolla]

Congratulations on a special.

[Tim Hawkins]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice, right?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, it's just what we do, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

It's what we do.

[Tim Hawkins]

You just do all the work and then you just hopefully we can capture it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you did a good job. It was a nice theater. I'm trying to think of where it was.

[Tim Hawkins]

I was told, yep, Franklin Theater in Tennessee.

[Adam Carolla]

And where'd you grow up?

[Tim Hawkins]

I grew up in St. Louis.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I've been told the arch. I like St. Louis. I've been there a few times. I've been told a few things that made sense. It's like right in the middle of the country, so you can get anywhere in two and a half hours or something like that. And I thought of that and I was like, that's tempting. That's nice. That's a perk.

[Tim Hawkins]

It is, it is. I mean, when they say 80% of the country lives, what, east of Mississippi. So it's a good location.

[Adam Carolla]

I was told Bob Costas lives there, so he can get anywhere in under three hours.

[Tim Hawkins]

The great Bob? Yeah, the great Bob. He's a legend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

So good. They don't make him like that.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a real. He's just one of these guys who's gonna look like a 19 year old until he's 75, too. Yeah, there's something about it.

[Tim Hawkins]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Miniature kid, dude.

[Tim Hawkins]

Dick Clark thing. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

This Dick Clark thing. Yeah, we really. We could have looked forward to that with Michael J. Fox if the Parkinson's hadn't kicked in. Cause he probably would have just kept that high school thing going. Cause they're shorter, I'll tell you. You gotta be diminutive, you gotta be cute, you gotta be miniature.

[Tim Hawkins]

We don't see a lot of tall old people.

[Adam Carolla]

No. You know, I gotta say, once in the annals of uncomfortable, you know, if you do enough interviews, you're gonna have uncomfortable moments. And the day is young for us.

[Tim Hawkins]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

Who knows? But some stand out. And I remember Kareem Abdul Jabbar when I was doing an interview with him, and I just go, real tall. Guys, they just normally don't see, like their 75th birthday. And he's like, what? I'm like, well, I mean, you just don't see guys that are 80, that are 7 foot tall. And he goes, what do you mean? And I go, well, of course you thought. You must have thought of this, right? I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. I was like, well, then it got really weird because he was like 72 at the time.

[Tim Hawkins]

Right. It's rare. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it may be hitting their head on the door jamb. That causes it, though. I don't Think. What was it?

[Tim Hawkins]

Robert Waddleworth was like 8 foot 2. Remember him in the Guinness Book? He lived to be like 12. I don't know. He was just. The heart can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. There's. There's some. There's some max. There's some size that's probably optimal. Like we can look it up. Like, it's almost like. It's almost like if you're black blues singer, you either don't see your 35th birthday or you live to 107.

[Tim Hawkins]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's feast or fan.

[Tim Hawkins]

Sometimes the heroin just kind of helps you.

[Adam Carolla]

It preserves you. Yeah, yeah. And there's got to be. But no, you don't see super tall old dudes. And when you do, it's a novelty, man. Yeah, it stands out. I saw Bill Russell at the airport once.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, you're always slunk over because there's. I tell everyone a standard door jamb height, just standard is 6 foot 8. So anyone who's 6 foot 8 or 6, 7 with shoe, you know, put the shoes on and you have to just walk around Any permanent slump.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it will get you the. Let's see. The world's oldest people are predominantly short, typically standing between 4, 6 and 5, 4. Yeah. It's always the shorties. And we don't even need them. I mean, they're not entertaining us on the hardwood or anything.

[Tim Hawkins]

They're just getting in our way.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not putting the star on top of the Christmas tree.

[Tim Hawkins]

No, they're not.

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. But there's something about being miniature.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Must be some.

[Tim Hawkins]

Was that song Short People? Was it Randy Newman?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

My parents hated that song. They thought it was so mean. And.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's funny because he's in that song. He's saying, sure, people got no reason to live.

[Tim Hawkins]

They got little hands, little feet, little beady eyes Little walk around telling great big lies. That was a hit.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a huge hit.

[Tim Hawkins]

That was a number one hit. Randy Newman, he's a looker.

[Adam Carolla]

Randy Newman. That's a good point. His popular now. He wrote. Randy Newman wrote songs for other people as well. And they're always a little bit funny, little quirky. And people know him from I Love la, probably the biggest hit. But he also wrote Mama Told Me not to Come by Three Dog Night.

[Tim Hawkins]

I love that stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know why? So you can tell that song's kind of funny. Yeah, right. It's all premise. It's not rock and roll. I went to a party, I got all jacked up and my mom warned me, don't go to this party. You're just gonna get fucked up. And so you can tell it's already funny. Kind of like short people.

[Tim Hawkins]

And he put it to a pop beat, and it's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

What other hit songs did Randy Newman write?

[Tim Hawkins]

He did. What was the one? Oh, you got a friend in Me. He did that one.

[Dawson]

Dog Nights. Mama told me not to come.

[Tim Hawkins]

Y.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you listening to this program? Yeah, Dawson, we just did that one. Deja Vu. You're editing. He's editing.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

He did Sail Away. Wait, which one? There's like an Enya Sail Away. And there's a Come Sail Away. Sail Away. Brilliantly subversive track. Masquerade's welcoming tourist pitch. South American Dream. I don't know what Sail Away is. Is that a hit? Do you know Sail Away?

[Tim Hawkins]

I don't know if me and Tim

[Adam Carolla]

don't know Sail Away not a hit.

[Tim Hawkins]

Come Sail Away is quite good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's Kansas Sticks. Sticks. Damn it. I get my Kansas and my Sticks mixed up.

[Tim Hawkins]

It's the same group.

[Adam Carolla]

I've decided in my head.

[Tim Hawkins]

I saw Sticks with Foreigner last year. And of course, Foreigner has no original members, which is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, it's like a tribute band. They're really good, but. Well, usually you go to see, like, the Uber Brothers. Just like, the guy playing bongos is the only original member.

[Adam Carolla]

They were gonna have the original lineup of Foreigner, but Trump had him deported right before the concert. Yeah, Homan came in, he did a sweep.

[Tim Hawkins]

Ice came in.

[Adam Carolla]

They got him out quick.

[Tim Hawkins]

Feels like the first time. Get him out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Get him out of here.

[Tim Hawkins]

Get him out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, the craziest stories. Like, it's one thing to go, all right, these guys are older. They don't have any original band members. Somebody suing somebody, like, I. I get it. Somebody bought the name or kept the name or whatever, so. But Sail Away is a Randy Newman original song. But is it a hit or do we know this one? Dawson?

[Dawson]

I don't know that.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what either he did do.

[Dawson]

You can leave your hat on. Oh, Joe Cocker made a. Made a great.

[Adam Carolla]

That's his song. All right.

[Tim Hawkins]

Leave your head on. He's got that voice.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And, Andrew, I'm just saying, if it's not a hit, I. I know, but

[Dawson]

there's a list that says that Sail Away is a hit, but I couldn't tell you. I've never.

[Adam Carolla]

If the three of us don't know it, then we're going to pull out hit department. Now. The worst of what you're talking about, I mean, you got Foreigner and you got none of the original players in it, whatever. But then there are bands like the Coasters, like, formed in 1951, and the five guys on the stage are in their mid-30s and it's like there is zero. I mean, it's mathematically impossible to have a coaster on there now.

[Tim Hawkins]

It is. And have you seen the Frankie Valli stuff recently? The Four Seasons guy? He's catatonic. It's just. He's just standing and just barely moving his lips. And I think he's actually lip syncing maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

But some of these guys need to quit. It's bad. Some people can carry the voice, you know, they can't. They have the voice that they can, you know. Well, you know, still sing. But some guys are like, in a

[Adam Carolla]

weird way, you know, you've arrived when you're really old and you're still out there and people are going, who's pushing them out on that stage? It meant you had a prime. Yeah, that's for sure.

[Tim Hawkins]

It is. And people still show up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

You know, the Bon Jovi stuff now is young, young.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, young people don't seem to give a shit. Like, I. I was forced. Well, shouldn't say forced, but I saw DJ Jazzy Jeff and Paula Abdul recently.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there was Janet Jackson, and I'm talking to young women. I was like, how's DJ Jazzy Jeff? Oh, he's great, man, he's great. All he's doing is playing songs you like. His whole thing is I'm just playing hits that aren't mine and I'm not doing anything. Oh, it's great. Whole place loved it. Yeah, I know. Everyone likes good hits from back then. And then Paul Abdul comes out, doesn't have. There's no instruments on stage and she doesn't sing. She's lip syncing the entire time. And then I was talking to the woman and she's like, I saw Janet Jackson here a few months earlier. I'm like, how was she? She's like, oh, she was great. I go, did. Does she sing? You know, some of the stuff? Yeah, it was good. Oh, yeah. Like they don't fucking care anymore.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, that's we were talking about. It's like, AI. Now, is that something that people are just gonna be okay with? Just. They know it's AI, but they don't care. Cause it's familiar sounding.

[Adam Carolla]

This is gonna be. Women don't care about actual musicianship and singing and then guys are gonna be fucking robots and it's all gonna be over. It's just like, no one cares. It is, it doesn't matter. It's good enough. Simulation.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. And I mean, you listen to the AI stuff and it's really novelty and it's cool, but it's just, it's not. It's like analog and digital where you hear something analog. It's just something different about it. It's just something real. Where digital is, you can't relate. There's a human factor that, I don't know, it's scary, but I don't know. We've had new. I mean, when I started it was vhs. You know, send out demos on VHS and went to CDs and DVDs are not a thing anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you, let's see, where were you working? You're at Olive Garden, that's what you heard? And so what was the plan? I know you had a, A sports background, right?

[Tim Hawkins]

I did, yeah. I played baseball. The University of Missouri.

[Adam Carolla]

What position you played?

[Tim Hawkins]

I was a right fielder. I was, I was a good stick. I hit left handed. I could hit pretty well. Could throw okay, not very fast. So it kind of played itself out.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. You know, but that was a dream.

[Tim Hawkins]

That was a dream. That's what I thought we were supposed to do. And then I just quit and I told my coach I stopped going to class. And he comes up to me one day and he goes, hawk, I got your grades. I said, yeah. He goes, they weren't there. So I mean I was, I went to college, but I didn't go to college.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tim Hawkins]

So I said, I said I wanted to do comedy. And I didn't know, I don't know what that even meant.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tim Hawkins]

And yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how did you decide you wanted to do comedy?

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, it was more desperation really than anything. I mean, you kind of yucking up with your friends. You can make your friends laugh. And then I went to see. We had a local club in St. Louis, the Funny Bone, which is still there. I saw a guy named Rick Overton.

[Adam Carolla]

Rick Overton, Sure.

[Tim Hawkins]

Just it just, just as a whole, it's like, how do you do that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

And you know, there's no real manual to do comedy. Just kind of, kind of start.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there anybody around that encouraged, explained, helped? Like I said, I'm picturing that moment where you're like, oh man, how do you do that? I wish someone had pulled me aside and went, well, you can do it. You just have to do it a lot. And one day, I know it feels weird and raw and bizarre now, but you'll feel, you'll be just like that in a few years.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, there's a guy, the guy there at the time was a guy named Craig Hawksley and he was the guy that was supposed to be, I think the fourth blue collar comedy guy. At the last minute they brought in, I think Larry the cable guy. He's like the Pete Best of comedy, you know. And yeah, he would just. I would go up and do whatever every Wednesday, three to five minutes. And he came up to me and I was doing it for a few months. He goes, you know, you don't have to do a new five minutes every time. I thought it was like a monologue you'd have to do.

[Adam Carolla]

That's I thought too.

[Tim Hawkins]

So, yeah, so they kind of have respect. I think they, you know, you get these guys who respect you just for trying it. Cause it's so frightening and. Yeah, so they just kind of porn. Yeah, the comedy world is. Yeah, it is. There's a lot of envy and all that, but it is a cool, you're in this together kind of foxhole kind of deal. And that's. It's fun. It's fun helping other guys and working on bits and giving them tags and all that. And, and yeah, if I knew how bad I was at the beginning, I would have quit a long time ago. So you have a certain level of ignorance.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you grow up in an environment where people pointed that out to you?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, you know, probably like you, it's like you're making your friends laugh and schoolmates laugh and all that.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think there's a difference. I never really broke it down this far, but I think there's a difference between you making your friends laugh, you sort of entertaining, and you having all these proclivities and impulses and everything, but. And then somebody pulling you aside and recognizing it. I made my friends laugh and I had all the impulses, but I never had a conversation with anybody about it. I never had a counselor or teacher or mom or dad or grandparent or anything. Even my friends, we never. It was never discussed. Which is weird that you have this display of this thing. You know, you just sort of keep, you know, you're like a truffle pig, but the farmer's going, get out of there. Come on back over here. I want you to sniff shit. And you're like, I have a yearning to sniff truffles and get away from those mushrooms. Get back inside. You know, like, there's a lot of. Oh, yeah, a lot of that. Which is weird because it's, it's counselors and teachers and parents job to recognize stuff.

[Tim Hawkins]

Right? Right. And it's, you know, it was the one thing I found that when I failed at it, I didn't want to quit. Like, in sales. At a sales job, I get one. No, I was like, I'm. But with comedy, just failing because after you get that first laugh, you're just chasing that for the rest of your life. And yeah, so that was one thing where even if I bombed or whatever, I was like, there was not a question of quitting. It was just like a competitive thing, you know, like, I'm going to get them next time or whatever, whatever I need to do. Because it just seemed worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus, I didn't, you know, what your parents do?

[Tim Hawkins]

What do they do? Or what did they do? They were teachers Teachers. Yeah, they're still kicking it, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Did they encourage recognize?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. Anything we did. They've never said a course word about me. They're just the best people. They're. They're two of my best friends still. And, yeah, it was never a. Well, you want to have something to fall back on. I mean, when I got into comedy, I was making 14 grand a year, so it wasn't like I was leaving a successful job.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right.

[Tim Hawkins]

My wife was working at the Salvation Army. She was making more than I was, really.

[Adam Carolla]

So she's hitting a bass drum in a marching band and making more than you, pulling 18K.

[Tim Hawkins]

And I'm just. I don't know, I'm struggling, so. She was the one that said, she's like, you need to. Look, if we're going to be poor, I'd rather be poor with a purpose, so just go for it. I don't want to just be poor for no reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I kind of. I had that conversation with my dad once right before things started happening for me. He. He goes, I must have been. I was getting near 30. And he's like, very rare. Financial conversations I have with my dad never really had any, but he. I got sick. I didn't have insurance. I didn't go. You know, and I just said, I didn't go to the hospital because I don't have any money, and I don't know who a doctor is. I don't have any money for that. And he said, shouldn't you have something put away? Just something like, just a thousand bucks, Just something. You know, something in case shit happens, a car engine blows up or something. Just something. And I remember kind of looking at him going, it's either gonna work or it's not gonna work. And if it's gonna work, it's gonna work big. And I'll feel stupid scrimping and saving and have 1300 bucks socked away when I'm making real money. And if it's not gonna work, then it's not gonna work, and that'll be it. And it was right before it started working, which is kind of funny, but

[Tim Hawkins]

you were 30 years old before you got into the business, or.

[Adam Carolla]

I was 30 years old before I got into the business. Well, I was. Yes. Yes. That would be an accurate question. That would be an accurate answer. I was 30 years old, but I'd been training to do the business for almost a decade. Just. I didn't make any money. I wasn't in any of the business, and I wasn't doing Anything in the business. Business. But I wasn't till 30. I. I didn't make. I make a penny before 30.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, me either. I was 33. It's really. I had my. On our third kid, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Tim Hawkins]

And, yeah, so it's, it's. It's a thing where you got to pay the nut, you know, you got to pay your bills. But there's also. I think I stayed just consistent, trying to perform wherever. And then when it came along where I could do it full time, it just. I was kind of ready. I like at least had a 45 minutes of decent stuff that would work most places.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have any background in theater or sketch improv, like that kind of stuff? Is that all just stand up?

[Tim Hawkins]

It's all I've done. You know, a little bit of theater, a very little bit of improv. You know, most of it was, I mean, to be honest, I mean, just watching on tv, I mean, that's. Watching the Johnny Carson show when I was a kid with my dad and our family and just watching those guys, you know, Carlins and Seinfelds and people like that. And that's how you do it, you know. And so really, I think when you first start out, you're really just mimicking them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

You know, I was basically Brian Regan for the first two years of doing this. Right. And then you kind of start getting your own style.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

So now I feel like I'm. It's kind of. This is more of what. Who I really am. I mean, 80% of what I do, it's pretty hack, really well. And what I mean by hack, hack is a kind of a loose term in the comedy world. It's just. What I'm saying is what I talk about. Everybody else talks about marriage and kids and stuff, and observational stuff. There may be 10 to 15% of real original things, but I don't know, it's just kind of my point of view. And this is what I know.

[Adam Carolla]

You're clean, right? Is that intentional clean, I mean, for work purposes, or is that just a faith or.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, it's just who I am. I mean, I don't. I mean, I get it. I mean, I'm going to clubs and I think a lot of guys, sometimes they work dirty just to survive. It's a survival instinct that kicks in. And I think it's a great challenge to. Can you be. Can you be funny as humanly possible in a clean way? And I think I found early when I first started writing, I try to write funny Instead of writing out a passion, like something that confused me or frustrated me, and I found out that people would laugh harder when they could relate more to what I was saying. Like, if I was saying something my mom used to say, like, oh, my mom used to say that it wasn't, you know, real witty, but it was. People related to it. And so I was like, well, that was easy. So I just try to. Instead of just sitting with a piece of paper and trying to write funny, I would just live my life. And then, you know when you're talking to a friend and they say something, you're like, okay, that will work. That idea works.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

And I've just. I write less now, but more of what I write is usable. Where at the beginning you look at old notebooks, it's 99%. It's just trash.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's higher batting average. Yeah. Like the old playing days. Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

But it takes work, man. I mean, it's. I'm glad I didn't quit. I'm just. It just. It's. You have to go over your notes. You have to trim the fat, and. And I got some good advice early on. Just talking about laughs per minute and trying to get to the punchlines and tag it and. Yeah, the more they're laughing, the more you're succeeding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I would say that's the name of the game. Yeah. I think that they'll hang in for a journey if the stuff is interesting along the way. Yeah. And that's kind of like, people will settle in and they'll go along with you somewhere, as long as it's an interesting place you're going to, and then you can drop. Does that feel good, though?

[Tim Hawkins]

I mean, in so many areas of my life, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have a clue. But in comedy. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna go in front of this group, and I'm driving the bus. I'm driving the bus here, and I know how to do this. It's a good feeling. Well, and then they trust you.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have other life skills? No.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's tough. I can do rudimentary plumbing stuff. Having kids, that's just part of it, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for some people, I mean, if you're poor. Yeah. You can sweat. Copper pipe.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so not even that. Rude. You can take a plunger to a toilet.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, now, I could, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Tim Hawkins]

I could put in a garbage disposal.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's not bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Not bad, not bad.

[Tim Hawkins]

I can. I can do, you know I can install a toilet.

[Adam Carolla]

Not bad.

[Tim Hawkins]

I can unclog a drain with the best of them.

[Adam Carolla]

You can use a little logger or snake.

[Tim Hawkins]

A snake?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, that's not bad because that's

[Tim Hawkins]

something I've heard you talk about. So you're pretty. That was a thing. You're pretty much a contractor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I'm not, I wasn't a plumber, but I've done my share of it. But I am. And I've always felt like I have a field of expertise which is building. And I think I would feel sort of naked and insecure if I didn't have anything like that I could own. You know what I mean? I know what this is. I know what the name of all those tools are and all the materials and everything. And so I do think about people, especially in this day and age. And by the way, I would count comedy as a field of expertise. If you can go out and do an hour in front of a large crowd, then that's your expertise. But I think when you're a commercial airline pilot or a contractor or could be electrician, could be a plumber, or you wrote five best selling books or something like that, or you made 10 movies or documentaries, something you can hang your hat on. And I think about people not having a field of expertise, you know, like they, they, they have a job, the job is like data entry. They're going to get replaced by AI soon. They work for this accounting firm or the DMV or something like that, or Tyson Chicken in the front office or something. And then they go home and they're kind of experts on reality TV and they like watching, you know, they like love on the Spectrum or something. But I think how vulnerable would you feel going through life not having something you could hang your hat on, like where you go, I know what that is, I could fix that. Or I understand that. Or I can.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, being a dude especially.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, 100%.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Or not being able to kick a little ass. Yeah. Which is just the kind of basic, dude, protect yourself. Like literally just going through life feeling so vulnerable and insecure. And I started to think, I think that's where a lot of this lashing out comes from. It all feels insecure and it all feels kind of shame based, which is so soft now.

[Tim Hawkins]

I mean, I was noticing today at our hotel, the sign you put out, it says we're still enjoying the room. Still enjoying the room where you say keep out. We need more keep out signs.

[Adam Carolla]

I completely agree, by the way. You can look it up, Dawson, But I used to do a bit on this. I think the do not disturb signs come in 15 different euphemistics. Still dreaming about my future or something? Anything but do not disturb. I would argue that the poor Latin lady who doesn't speak English probably is not getting the joke. Whatever's on there. But it's always something. It has to do with me. And I'm still. I'm precious. And I might not be sleeping. I'm awake and I'm dreaming or whatever. Some kind of cute bullshit. I tell people this all time. I was just talking about this, like, when the sandwich place has a sign. It was a Jimmy John sandwich place and it said, now hiring rock stars. Yeah. I'm like, rock stars. You think any of the guys who got booted out a foreigner are gonna come by just rock? Yeah. Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Now that the very. By the way, the thing that's comical is, in our society, a rock star is the highest on the food chain. Like, a rock star is bigger than an actor and it's bigger than an astronaut. If you are a rock star, you are in crazy rarefied air. Yeah. And if you work at a Jimmy John sandwich place, you are amongst the lowest of our society. Right. So the idea that they're saying rock star is insane. But, yes, we.

[Tim Hawkins]

Johnny Depp was, what, the most popular actor in the world? But no, I want to be in a band.

[Adam Carolla]

He'd rather be in a band.

[Tim Hawkins]

I want to play this. Play my Les Paul.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So we do a thing now where everyone has to feel really good. And it comes out in the form. Yes, in the form of do not disturb. I mean, by the way, it shouldn't even. It should just be read. It shouldn't even. Why are you even reading it? It's just. It just.

[Tim Hawkins]

I don't want you to pardon our progress, you know, I see these people. Pardon our progress for progressing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Right. Yeah. When they're working at the airport. Keep out, just stay away.

[Tim Hawkins]

We'll be out when it's out.

[Adam Carolla]

It should just yell, get. And make the sound of a shot.

[Tim Hawkins]

What was that song? Was that song the signs Back in the sign everywhere sign? What was that? It's like. Was it, anybody caught trespassing will be shot on sight.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Is that what the sign said?

[Tim Hawkins]

So what does he do? He jumps into the fence.

[Adam Carolla]

I do love.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, he's gonna get shot.

[Adam Carolla]

It was the first stupid protest. One of the early dumb protest songs was like, you got long hair, son. You need not apply to this job, it's all about hair and size.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

Cut your hair. You stink. We don't want you working here. It's my business.

[Adam Carolla]

Hair collects stink and then drags it behind you and then we all have to fucking bathe in your funk. Pardon our stardust is a big sign. Pardon our Stardust. That's do not disturb. Pardon our star. Oh, oh, Stardust. Like when they're doing rehab work. Like when they're working at the airport or something. What are the do not disturbers that they got? Because it don't say do not disturb anymore. And by the way, can we fix this? I just want to say to anyone who makes the cute slogans for do not disturb, spend more time trying to figure out how to get it to hang on to the stupid handle. Handle? Because I had picked that up three times. It's on the ground. Back up again. It worked great when you had knob, but you don't have a knob now. You have a handle and it falls down. So work on that.

[Tim Hawkins]

You got to slide it around that handle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Tim Hawkins]

Hook it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And it falls off when you're leaving. And then you got to go grab it.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. What are the cutesies, Dawson? They got to be out there.

[Dawson]

Andrew is looking for some cutesies. 1. But in your book, everything reminds me of something you do. Talk about the worker euphemisms. You say if inmates in a maximum security prison referred to as team members. And the warden talked about striving to create an inclusive place where everyone's voice would be heard. A day wouldn't go by without a guard being taken hostage. No wonder the great resignation is happening. Jimmy John's is hiring rock stars.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dawson]

Who'd work as a bank teller and be a team member when they can go across this. Who'd work as a bank teller and be a team member when they go across the street to Jimmy John's and be a rock star?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, I used to work in. I did comedy in prisons. I was with a group. We go on and do maximum security prisons.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Tim Hawkins]

Where are you? Couldn't call them inmates. All over the South, Alabama, Florida. That's just kind of one of my first experiences.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you doing it for the experience?

[Tim Hawkins]

No, it's just a group. It's like a ministry thing where you go. And they had singers and speakers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Tim Hawkins]

Comedians and stuff. Did death row a couple of times.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Tim Hawkins]

Where you just stand in the middle of death row, the cell. And they wouldn't let them. They would look at you out through the window of the door.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Perform in the hallway.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, yeah, perform in the hallway.

[Adam Carolla]

And you.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. And you couldn't call them inmates or prisoners. You had to call them inmates.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Please make my stay greener by not washing things and wasting resources.

[Tim Hawkins]

Look at that. That hanger.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's not sticking on anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but we're still looking. Let's see. Check, eat, beach, sleep.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well. In parentheses it says please do not disturb. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right, right. So I'm just saying. I don't know. First off, I don't know why this one's bugging me, but I've seen a lot of people pre 9am where you come, you have like the early appointment at the dentist and it's like 7:45 and you're already kind of pissed off. Cause you had to get up real early and get your shit together and get out of the place. And then you walk in and the receptionist goes, how's your day going so far? And by the way, so far, this is it. I may get hit by a truck later, but this is the first. I'm at the dentist. So not great. But so far.

[Tim Hawkins]

So far.

[Adam Carolla]

It started 20 minutes ago. How's your day going? You got none of that before noon?

[Tim Hawkins]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't ask how your day is going before noon.

[Tim Hawkins]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't know why they had so far. It's a qualify.

[Tim Hawkins]

It's just small talk. I'm trying to get away from spy. I say awesome way too much. I say these words like, you're right, it's not interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

I was, I was told by the great Jimmy Kimmel, stop saying awesome.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I listen to a radio show. He said awesome.

[Tim Hawkins]

This is a game changer. You know, Oh, I had these new blue corn chips. It's a game changer, really. That's how your life is going? That's how your life is gone. You know, my wife left me and my kids don't talk to me anymore. But I had these blue corn chips.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Game changer.

[Tim Hawkins]

Game changer.

[Adam Carolla]

Impactful.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's changing your game. That's the life change.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this. I will challenge anybody. I never thought about this, but I will challenge any guy who has his drink to tell me his preference on gin or vodka. If you can really tell the difference between the Grey Goose and the Stoli. And you tell. All right. That I think you blindfolded guys that couldn't tell if it was blue or. Or yellow corn in those things. I don't think I know the difference. And after the vodka, who cares?

[Tim Hawkins]

Right? Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me ask you this. I had this happen to me. I want to put this to you in the public. I was out on the road and I was going out and I said the last. So about the last few weeks I've been on a diet. Just like, come on now you got to lose 10 pounds diet. So I'm sitting there and I go out with Mike August, guy I'm traveling with, and we go to a sports bar at like noon before we're driving to the next gig. And we're just going to get. I'm just going to drink a light beer. So I get a light beer. And I'm not really talking to Mike about my diet or anything, but I know Mike's gonna order something and we're at a sports bar, you know, so I'm like, you know, I'm on a diet. Why don't you just order an appetizer and enjoy it and I'll try not to sniff it, you know, Mike orders fish and chips, which are so good. And so by the way, I'm hoping he's going for a salad. And like they're non shareable things like an egg salad sandwich. You can't give a buddy a bite of an egg salad sandwich. It makes you gay, right? But fish and chips is a huge pile of big thick fries. Just a bit of fries, a battered cod, and then he's got the vinegar and the ketchup and the tartar sauce and he's shaking it all on and dipping it. And he's by the way, he's doing some sauce cross pollinization there. Doing the fry. He's cross the sa. He's doing the sauce and the ketchup and he's doing a little tartar shot on it. He's just eating these giant fries and all this big. And I thought. And also it's just taking over your sand like. And there's nothing, there's nothing a guy. If you said, I'm not gonna eat anything this guy orders. I don't know if you could do worse than the fish and chips because I was just sitting there drooling in my lap the whole time.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, just batter covered.

[Adam Carolla]

Whitefish salad. Fine, not necessary. Burger still weird to share, you know what I mean? Any sandwich a melt's a little homoerotic when he starts sharing. But that fishing, it's all individual pieces of cod and then tons of tons of fries. There's something about that tartar sauce that got me when he Was dunking it in the tartar sauce.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's not fair. Your buddy knows what he's doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he just sat there. Just stared at it the whole time.

[Tim Hawkins]

My wife and I went to Van. What was it? Went to Victoria B.C. and we went on a whale watching cruise or whatever. It was sick the whole time. Just three hours. Just pulled over, we got off the boat and you're just like fish and chips. We had fish and chips five times in four days.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I argue nothing better.

[Tim Hawkins]

I'm glad that you like those.

[Adam Carolla]

That makes sense. I don't like a man. I don't trust a man who doesn't

[Tim Hawkins]

want fish and chips.

[Adam Carolla]

Fish and chips. No. No.

[Tim Hawkins]

And you can get a newspaper. That's how they do it over in, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

England. It's an actual newspaper. You got the ink.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't. It's also almost impossible to fuck up. Like we were just a sports bar. And by selling it, it was still the best thing they could do because you can't because it's so green. Now.

[Tim Hawkins]

What are your favorite fries? That's it. That's a question. I'm a crinkle fry guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm about to say crinkle fry.

[Tim Hawkins]

I call them bowling alley fries.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Crinkle man.

[Tim Hawkins]

I have not had a better one.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. All right, let's, let's, let's break it down. Curly fry novelty now. Don't know what we're doing.

[Tim Hawkins]

There's only like one really good one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I didn't know why that. I don't know who invented the curly fry, but it's unnecessary. Okay, then the weird checkerboard one at Chick Fil A. Chick Fil A. Unnecessary. The basic McDonald's fry. Solid good. A little oversized. Is sometimes nicer. Get a little more meat.

[Tim Hawkins]

Like the homestyle.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like. I don't like the wedged up potatoes. Now I'm just eating a potato. I'm eating a baked potato in my hand.

[Tim Hawkins]

Makes a difference.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't like it. Crinkle fry. Little meatier. And the crinkles hold the ketchup nice.

[Tim Hawkins]

There's something. There's something better about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Tim Hawkins]

It works. I mean, I.

[Adam Carolla]

It was never broken. It was ubiquitous in the 50s and the 60s. And then we got away from the crinkle fry.

[Tim Hawkins]

The Ore Ida, wasn't it? The bag of Oregon fries.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you went to a little league game and you went to the snack Shack or the bowling alley, like you're saying that that was a standard fry.

[Tim Hawkins]

It has to be in a little paper boat. Yeah, it's better.

[Adam Carolla]

Sucking up the grease.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. Do you do the ketchup on top of the fry, or you do the ketchup in the corner?

[Adam Carolla]

I like to go the corner, and

[Tim Hawkins]

one gets drowned when I don't like

[Adam Carolla]

to commit to the. All over the top, you know? Well, because my ratio gets screwed up. I get ones on the top that get emulsified with ketchup, and then I got dry ones at the bot. The bottom. I like to control the ketchup.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Do you do the cat? You ever do the ketchup? Just squirt driving, squirt in the mouth and then the fry?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I like your head, Zach.

[Alicia Krause]

It's.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, it works. It works. You got to be.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you got to worry about a cop seeing this guy's definitely high. I'm pulling this guy over. He's tweaking pretty hard. He's during the. He's steering with his dick, by the way. He's got two hands off the wheel. Yeah, the. The.

[Tim Hawkins]

I don't like these chick fil. A little things where you peel it,

[Adam Carolla]

peel, kind of fold back over, shove

[Tim Hawkins]

the fry in when you drive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're right. Stop.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's got to stop.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're right. Bring back the crinkle fry. I'm with you 100%. I'm also glad to report everybody. And, Dawson, you've heard me complain about long enough. Passion fruit iced tea is basically gone.

[Dawson]

Oh, yeah, it's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

They got rid of it. They brought it. They brought it in, and they flooded us with it. Like, this is the next big thing. Like, you've gotta get on board with this. You have to get on board. And I was like, I don't want this. I want ice tea. And it's literally gone now.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Versus it was all you could get 10 years ago.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, it's like with Dr. Pepper, it's like, why do you need to improve? I don't need a cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. Dr. Pepper's perfect. Dr. Pepper is a flavor.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm scared. I scream at everyone who wants to do this, where they go, I got the international hazelnut mix for my coffee. I go, the coffee is a flavor.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They have coffee ice cream because it's a flavor now. If you don't like coffee, you don't like coffee, that's fine. But stop making it taste like something else.

[Tim Hawkins]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like any of it.

[Tim Hawkins]

Leave it. I think I think it's. It's got to be a marketing thing, though. Hey, we're doing something new here, like Mountain Dew. Yeah, you got to throw new flavors in. It's like I just. Mountain Dew, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I completely agree.

[Tim Hawkins]

You knocked it out of the park here. You just ride it out.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like to find the guy who formulated Dr. Pepper and just go, there's no greater than this. How did that happen? There's no more. Yeah, you did. You made the perfect soft drink. Now walk away. Let's not taint your legacy by doing Sail Away.

[Tim Hawkins]

You wrote Sail Away.

[Adam Carolla]

You just keep doing it.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's mailbox money, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. Just go learn how to pick up a.

[Adam Carolla]

Pick up a hobby. Because inventing carbonated beverages, you've been to the top. You've. You've climbed Mount Everest.

[Tim Hawkins]

But do you think he got depressed, though? Like, I've. Okay. It's like the lady who wrote Live, Laugh, Love, or whatever it was. What was it called? Eat, Pray, Love. Yeah, she writes this. Now what? Now where do you go?

[Adam Carolla]

Dr. Pepper was founded in 1885 by the great Charles C. Alberton, a young pharmacist. He created a unique 23 flavor blend. 23. While working at Morris's old Corner drugstore in Waco, Texas.

[Tim Hawkins]

What does the. Wasn't there, like, a. How many was it in Kentucky Fried Chicken? The original recipe?

[Adam Carolla]

7. Seven essential herbs and spices. Was it seven herbs and spices, by the way, you know the Colonel?

[Tim Hawkins]

23. I know it takes a difference. You take one or two out, it's just not doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe he says that so people won't try to replicate it.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, well, that's under lock and key. They're very, very protective of their residues.

[Adam Carolla]

Closely guarded.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, they used to put cocaine in it, didn't they?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought that was coke.

[Tim Hawkins]

But don't you think Dr. Pepper did, too? There's a little blow in Dr. Pepper.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that sounds like the guy's pretty beaked up. Amaretto Pepper's coming to the party. I mean, look, all we're saying is don't do an orange version of Dr. Pepper. Crush can do that. We don't need you. Fanta can do that. Yeah. You're Dr. Pepper.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, people trick it up. I had a burger with peanut butter on it one time.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, it was just as bad as it sounds. It was in North Carolina, in Charlotte, and. Oh, yeah, you're kind of cool. Hey, let's try it. And it was the worst thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Really. It was horrible because you can't improve a burger.

[Tim Hawkins]

You can't.

[Adam Carolla]

You can make the best version of a burger you can, but you cannot.

[Tim Hawkins]

That's another thing. Adam is like, buns, buns. Slotic burgers. Too much bun. I like a thin bun.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't have the bun dominate.

[Tim Hawkins]

You can't.

[Adam Carolla]

It's too much.

[Tim Hawkins]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

And sometimes. Look, here's the thing. If I can't get that burger, if I. If I gotta unhinge my jaw like a python swallowing a goat, you've. You've done too much because I got too much bun and you got too much patty. I gotta be able to get it.

[Tim Hawkins]

Get it around a mouthful of bun without any burger.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too much wrong about that.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, I agree. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad bun ratio.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. What was that? Just like that. That's not a burger. Burger shouldn't be, like, maybe that thick at best.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

McDonald's, like, McDonald's doing the little cheeseburger. Perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

You also have to be able to compact it enough to get it in. You got to be able to squeeze it down a little sometimes. Yeah, I don't need the patty. That's an inch and a quarter thick either. That's too much. When we just eat steak at this point.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do the smash burgers, which are pretty wonderful at home.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

Got the. The Blackstone, that big metal thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

Fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

It's just.

[Adam Carolla]

Your kids love it.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. And they're easy, and they're delicious. A homemade burger, if you can do it right.

[Adam Carolla]

Making burgers is a sign of love that your kids will receive that as a very positive sign of love. Which brings me to this, Tim. I do ask people about their moms and what kind of sandwich mom they were. Now, I was just driving back from, like, Visalia with the foremost, Mike Augs, and his mom loved him, and his mom made him fresh meatball sandwiches. Like, made the meatballs, made the gravy, did the bun, and the whole nine yards. Now, said many times we can judge the mom by her sandwich because the sandwich is a metaphor for how much does she love you? And how much does she care? So Dr. Drew's mom was a shit sandwich mom. My mom was worse than shit sandwich. She's no sandwich mom. No sandwich moms means that's how she

[Tim Hawkins]

didn't make you any sandwiches.

[Adam Carolla]

No sandwiches. Out on your own. Now, to be fair to her, she didn't have any of the materials for a sandwich. She didn't do lunch meat. She didn't do cheese. We didn't have Anything. So I got zero sandwich. Then there are guys like Andrew over here. He not only gets a sandwich, he gets toasted bread from his mom. Yeah, and that blew Dr. Drew's mind because he didn't even know there was a possibility of toasting sandwich. That's one more step in the love department. Good Chop. Good Chop delivers high quality American meat and seafood straight to your door, vacuum sealed and frozen at peak freshness. Your freezer stays stocked. You cook when you want. And I love this. Good Chop sources its meat and seafood exclusively from American Farms and Fisheries. They've got over 100 menu options and are so confident you'll love it, they have a 100% money back guarantee. I had one of the ribeyes. Mmm. Hold on. I just did it last night. I can still taste it. Ah. It is steakhouse quality. Right in your home, right to your door. Look, I'm busy with my shows, I'm busy with travel. I love keeping my freezer stocked up. It is so easy. And that's why I love Good Chop. Right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

Go to goodchop.com podcast and use code 50 Adam to get $50 off plus free shipping on your first order. That's $50 off plus free shipping at goodchop.com podcast code 50 Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Tim Hawkins]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. The truth is that it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV.

[Dawson]

Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may

[Tim Hawkins]

cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials.

[Dawson]

No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

So your mom.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What kind of sandwich?

[Tim Hawkins]

Mom, I want to say this.

[Adam Carolla]

I grew up, she worked full time.

[Tim Hawkins]

She did. And I will say my go to for myself was the bologna, mayonnaise and lettuce on the white bread. No wheat. It was white. That's the way bread should be white. You can ball it up and eat it like an apple.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay, let me.

[Tim Hawkins]

I've gone back to white bread. I don't do wheat bread anymore. Really? It's white.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain something. See, my family would do the wheat bread. Cause they were like health food hippies and they would do like. So you have to picture this. You know, people go, well, not even like a peanut butter and jelly. I mean, everyone eats a peanut Butter. Every kid loves a peanut butter and jelly. It's so easy. Let me explain something. If you take the peanut butter and jelly and you remove the white bread, you get rid of the Hostess wonder Bread, you get rid of the white bread and you replace it with, like, 26 grain sprouted oat deep dark wheat bread. Sometimes you even have to cut yourself.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. You're already going down a very bad road there. Like, it's dry. It crumbles. Then you replace your Skippy or Peter Pan or Jiffy peanut butter with Dolores Scudders. Nothing but peanuts. Nothing but peanuts. And by the way, unsalted times, too, with the oil separation. And this stuff is putty. When you try to spread it, it rolls and collects. It collects junk from the bed and you got a big circle. You have to hold it down.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Then you get rid of the Welch's Grape or the Smucker strawberry, and you replace it with honey. And now you are nowhere.

[Tim Hawkins]

You have no salmon.

[Adam Carolla]

You have no salmon. So people are like. Even the. It's like, yes. Even the peanut butter and jelly, gone.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The worst.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The peanut butter and jelly I described to you is horrific.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. Why believe in food segregation? I'm with you. Yeah. Did the. The. The sprouted bread doesn't make sense. I did make this. Anytime I can do ruffles. Ruffles chips in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Oh, you put the ruffles on, you're there.

[Tim Hawkins]

Now my mom sandwich.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a real crinkle theme.

[Tim Hawkins]

I like the crinkles.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a crinkle, crinkle, crinkle king.

[Tim Hawkins]

I've got the kinky crinkle thing going, man. And she did tuna fish. That was my mom's. With the hard boiled egg. The sweet relish. None of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, 100% sweet relish.

[Tim Hawkins]

The Miracle Whip. Not this.

[Adam Carolla]

Real mayonnaise.

[Tim Hawkins]

Miracle Whip. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, she did that. You could bust up some chips on that sandwich.

[Tim Hawkins]

I could bust some chips on that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a food combiner. I like food to touch. I like it all touching, coming together.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I should ask you. I got a musical question here.

[Tim Hawkins]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I was looking at the. I was looking at the Rolling Stone. See, I don't trust Rolling Stone because they're too political now and they just lie about everything and they've kind of ruined their. There used to be things, you know, like you'd read Rolling Stone or look at the rankings for best guitar player, best rock song or whatever it is, but now it's all. It's all corrupted now because they got political and.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, then they say, what was it? Eric Clapton. They dropped him on the greatest guitarist, like 35, because he didn't take the vax or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is not your job at Rolling Stone, but according to them. But also another thing that's weird too is they end up being wrong about everything that they punish you for, which is a weird thing. But I was looking at the list and they don't do it every year. They do it. I don't know every. They've done every 12 years or 15 years. But Eric Clapton was number two. Yeah, it was always Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton. Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton. And Eric Clapton drops to number 35. He's got like Joan Baez in front of him now. And Tomorillo from Rage Against Johan.

[Tim Hawkins]

Come on. She could do a bar chord. Yeah, she could do a bar chord.

[Adam Carolla]

Joan Baez and the Rage against the Machine guy, whose songs you've only heard of. You can only name two of Tommy Morello's licks, Right. But he's with Bruce Springsteen, so he's on the happy side. So he goes up and Clapton goes the other direction. And the other thing that's funny is Neil young goes from 83. So you got Eric Clapton at 82. Sorry, you got Eric Clapton at number two. You got Neil Young at 83. But then rolling Stone has to start getting Covid involved with their calculation. And that then drops Clapton to 35 and brings Neil Young from 83 to 30.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you now are better than Clapton because of a virus that Rolling Stone lied about just about the entire time. Yeah, they're writing articles about it.

[Tim Hawkins]

I don't even know. I mean, these guys doing the lists, it's like. Do you listen to music? Do you? Yeah, it's like I think of L.L. bean clothing. It's like clothing for people. What? Outdoor clothing for people don't like to go outdoors.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tim Hawkins]

It's just like you. You know, there's something else going on here. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they can't. I mean, here's the same thing with the Oscars. When you start factoring in a whole bunch of stuff other than the final product, you're gonna hurt the process. And then also people don't care. Cuz they don't even know who the best picture is. And they don't care because in order to be best picture, you have to fill this criteria. You need this many people disability, this many people of color, this many people trans people. Whatever. And everyone goes, all right, so it's not a real contest.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, but don't you think they're doing a little bit to stir the pot? Because, I mean, WHO is Rolling Stone even close to what it used to be?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, no, but they put themselves out of business because they're doing this. They sort of.

[Tim Hawkins]

They double down a little bit. Well,

[Adam Carolla]

here's the whole thing. Here's what they did to their brand. And then we'll tell you about Eric Clapton. I'll read it to you. But it's like the WHO is gonna make a proclamation. And me, who didn't know what WHO stood for. Now when I hear they're gonna make a proclamation, I go, oh, yeah, right. Get outta here. I don't care. Not listening. So you got me to not listen to the World Health Organization. Ten minutes ago, I would've hung on every word. But then you lied about COVID so now I don't listen to you anymore. But you did that. They did that to themselves. Rolling Stone did that to themselves. The Oscars did it to themselves. Like, that's what I wanna explain to everyone. They did it. Sanjay Gupta. I'm not going to listen to anything that quack has to say anymore. But I would have before he started lying.

[Tim Hawkins]

They played their hand. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's like. It's like radio. Back in the day, we used to be able to call into radio stations and, you know, request songs and they would play them. So it was more that the best songs got played. Now it's just the next thing. Whatever Luke Bryan puts out or whatever, it's going to be in the top 10, no matter what. Well.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry, I'll.

[Tim Hawkins]

It's sad.

[Adam Carolla]

Alex Will, 35, Eric Clapton. Number two, by the way. He was number two, the first list they ever came out with. And then number two, the second list they came out with 10 years ago. So they've had a real change of heart about Eric's playing.

[Dawson]

Since starting his career on the British blues rock scene during the 1960s, Clapton had a unique gift for melody that made his solos just as catchy as the songs they adorned. He was always a diligent student of the blues, from Robert Johnson and Muddy Waters to Albert King and Otis Rush, and even cut an album of mostly pre electric repertoire with Wynton Marsalis. But his most memorable recordings were born of Real life Tragedy from Layla, inspired by stealing the wife Patti Boyd of his best friend George Harrison, To Tears in Heaven, a lament for the infant son who fell to his death from an apartment window. These days, nobody really considers Clapton God. His Covid comments clearly rule out any chance of being all knowing. But that doesn't stop guitarists from worshiping his playing. The other dig they took Adam is he just stole.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, George Harris just went over there

[Tim Hawkins]

and stole her in the trunk.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. Yeah, yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

He. He had like. Didn't he have, like, a vaccine?

[Adam Carolla]

He had a reaction. He had a reaction to it, by the way. Okay, first things first. He's allowed to share his experiences with a bad reaction. Just like you could do with shellfish if you wanted. Wouldn't mean you were damning all lobster. Just mean I had a bad reaction to this. Also, hasn't time proven that it wasn't effective? There are negative side effects. There's gonna be certain amount of mortality involved with it. And everyone who got vaccinated who didn't need to be vaccinate, a mistake. So it turns out Clapton was right.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. And he was. And you watch him talk about it. I mean, he's just like, almost scared to talk about it. Yeah. He's just like, you know, I nearly died, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tim Hawkins]

It's like, you know, I can't see or whatever it was. But, yeah, it's. It's insane. I thought that's what rock and roll was. You're supposed to say no to the establishment. You got. What was it? Rage against the Machine. And you couldn't come with their shows if you weren't vaxxed. But they're about fighting the power. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's first off, I don't know why they're not embarrassed. I would be embarrassed if I were them. I'm like, we're rock and roll. And I don't know why. Howard Stern, Rock and Roll dj, and Rage against the Machine and Rolling Stone, when they all turned into this. Where you're first off, there is no more the man than Big Pharma. Big Pharma is the ultimate the man. I mean, you can have a problem with the man when it comes to whatever subject. But you want to talk about multi billion conglomerate have done all the evils in the world and done a lot of great work too. But there's no more the man than Big Pharma. And you. Rock and roll. Rage against the machine, push against the establishment. You're all cheering Big Pharma and then attacking those that are skeptical of Big Pharma.

[Tim Hawkins]

Fight the power.

[Adam Carolla]

That is so un. Rock and roll.

[Tim Hawkins]

Unless the power is, you know, funding your tour.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, it's I don't know. It's sad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's sad, but it's also. It's a little confusing.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I would never dream of telling anybody to take a vaccination. I would just say, go figure it out or go talk to your doctor or go read about it online or do something. But I'm not gonna try to force you one way or the other.

[Tim Hawkins]

It was insane. Lyric Cove. My wife and I would be walking through this park by our house, and this lady comes by and she literally just turns her back to us.

[Adam Carolla]

Lady.

[Tim Hawkins]

And we walk by. Yeah. And that's where it was.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, that's the guy who ate the peanut butter hamburger. Shun him. I could still smell it on his breath.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Smell of Skippy and beef. Yeah. Yeah. It's sad, but also, like, I just can't believe adults acted this way, you know, it was mostly, well, I think

[Tim Hawkins]

for like, our parents, generation. Whatever the doctor says, that's just it, you know, now you have, okay, we have some other options here. We have some of these doctors saying maybe the vax isn't a great idea. You know, you wouldn't have had that probably in the 70s or the 80s. So anyone with a white coat, they're doing. They're just going to do it. That's. That's that. That whole generation. But I'm kind of surprised that the young generation just kind of bought into it also. But I think that. I think they think they're doing something right. Raging against the machine, think they're being good people.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of. It's. It's sort of that. But there's another side of it, too, which is. There's kind of a side of it. There's a less admirable side to it. It's basically you show up at a party and there's a group of people all huddled around, and then there's one guy alone over in the corner. And you walk up and you go, what's going on? And they go, well, we got together because we don't like Kenny over there. And then you go, what's wrong with Kenny? Kenny's always been cool, dude. And I go, no, we don't like him because he's this, that, and the other. And you go, oh, Kenny has never had a plan with Kenny. And then at some point, you go across and you punch Kenny. And then everyone cheers. And then you come back and high five. There's a part of it that is just based in weakness and Lack of character. You don't know what this vaccine does. You don't know any of the stuff you're talking about. You're just caving. It's like every pussy in Hollywood just caved. They didn't know anything. They just caved. They were weak and they were scared and they wanted to get along. They didn't want to be blackballed. And they weren't going to go defend Kenny over there. They're going to join me, a large group of people that were loud and proud and wrong, but they didn't have enough dignity and enough character to walk over there and protect Kenny. So they just joined an angry mob. I've seen it all over the place. And show business is just a whole group that's a whole party filled with those people.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, just the. What would they call it?

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Tim Hawkins]

The. The. What was it? Virtue signaling? Just kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. I mean, I get it. I mean, it's. It's hard. It's hard to do. And there was a frightening thing, and they said it was two weeks. Like, oh, it's over in two weeks. You know, that's. It's going to be, you know, and

[Adam Carolla]

then it's a lot of people, you were using it as an opportunity to try to get some equity with their side. So the louder you could be, the more points you could stash for yourself in this group. And this group has a bunch of people in it who may employ you or may not employ you. See, and that's how.

[Tim Hawkins]

Well, it's like money, isn't it? The more you have money, it kind of accentuates who you are as a person.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tim Hawkins]

So it kind of made, like, these people who are a little bit controlling. It just.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't know anything, but they've had people.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah. I got called in at a Home Depot one time. This guy was like, you know, you're not wearing your mask, and he was talking about his. My nephew just. He's getting a lung surgery and you're. You're threatening his life. I'm like, what are you doing here

[Adam Carolla]

at the Home Depot? I'm getting tackle bolts, bro.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, I'm just getting, you know, an attachment for my Ryobi or whatever. And, yeah, I was threatening his. His nephew.

[Adam Carolla]

You go with the Ryobi, huh? I.

[Tim Hawkins]

Once you get, like, four or five, what's your. What's your pick? You're a Milwaukee guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well. Or DeWalt.

[Tim Hawkins]

Are you a snob?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like DeWalt, but let's put it to you this way. It's not the tool across the board. You want a jigsaw, you got to go with Bosch. You want a belt sander, you got to go Porter cable. You want to have cordless drill. Yeah, Makita's good. You know, here's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's not all. Do not be brand loyal. Get the best. What about the.

[Tim Hawkins]

You get a new battery for everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. You know, you bring up a good point. Everything's got a battery pack now and they're all interchangeable. So like when I was coming up, you would get. You go, you want a router, get the Porter cable. You want a cordless drill, get the Makita.

[Tim Hawkins]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You want a jigsaw, get a Bosch. You know, like you pick and choose, pick and choose. It was almost like you're in a weird way, it was like you're building a hot rod engine. You're like, we went to Holley carb and the Blackjack headers and the camming, whatever cam. You know, like, it wouldn't be just Holley everything. You know, you get the best. You'd pick and choose to build the best engine, but now they get the battery brand loyalty. Because the battery not only does the chop saw, but it does the weed whacker too. And you can't be mixing and matching.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, well, I bet you have the color coordination too. You know, that nice neon yellow. It looks good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The neighbors can tell you don't know what you're doing.

[Tim Hawkins]

I'd just be like, this is a mess, Ryobi. Is that. I don't even know. I mean, I like Ryobi.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you what that's akin to. Once in a while you'll see a dude working a job and his extension cord is one of those white eight foot lamp cords with the four prong on the end. Okay. Do not hire that guy.

[Tim Hawkins]

It's got the three prong adapter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When you see the guys walking in with the Ryobi. No, no, no, I don't.

[Tim Hawkins]

I don't know. Yeah, they're just. Guys don't know what they're doing.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I. I'll put it to you this way. If you're on a, like a job site, you're not going to see the Ryobi. Yeah, but, you know, same with Mac and snap on and stuff like that. Like, you know, there's just stuff that's industrial grade, but you don't need that much at home. Yeah, I'm not. I'M not. Ryobi is like, half the price of the other stuff. It's fine. And it's. It's. It's good for the garage. It's not good for the job site.

[Tim Hawkins]

Right, I get it. My son's a Milwaukee guy. He's. Yeah, he's got that sweet Bluetooth speaker thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boom box.

[Tim Hawkins]

Boom box.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he in the trades?

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, yeah, he does it all. He's. He's flips houses. He does plumbing, electric, really. Carpentry, all that kind of stuff. He's.

[Adam Carolla]

He's really good.

[Tim Hawkins]

He's really good. He's a Milwaukee guy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good.

[Tim Hawkins]

For the most part, I think he's got some. Some DeWalt stuff, but.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll give my love.

[Tim Hawkins]

I will. I'll give him that.

[Adam Carolla]

He's uncomfortable when he comes over.

[Tim Hawkins]

Adam gives your love, son.

[Adam Carolla]

When he comes over for Thanksgiving, he sees the.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, he'll start for Thanksgiving. He'll just be twitching, looking at. Okay, what.

[Adam Carolla]

What. Can we.

[Tim Hawkins]

Just wants to do something.

[Adam Carolla]

But when he sees Dad's Ryobi's tools in the garage, is it uncomfortable?

[Tim Hawkins]

It's all right. He just. He's very gracious.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Tim Hawkins]

He's like, big man.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's listen to Clapton. By the way, sir, the vaccine took my immune system and just shook it around again. Agony and chronic pain. I went and had the second and that, and then it got really bad and within about a week, I had lost my hands. Didn't really work. It's there until I go to bed and I take sleeping pills because I can't sleep because of the pain.

[Tim Hawkins]

Yeah, drop that loser.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Rolling Stone. Do your justice. Get him off that list.

[Tim Hawkins]

Whatever, Yardbirds. Whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know.

[Tim Hawkins]

Cream.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, so now. Rolling Stone. Your joke. No one cares. Your circulation's down. You lied about everything. Good luck.

[Tim Hawkins]

Why did any other medical procedure? I had a colonoscopy. Oh, no. We're dropping you.

[Adam Carolla]

Dropping you.

[Tim Hawkins]

You're not as good as a good car player.

[Adam Carolla]

33 points. All right, Tim, we will give you a plug. Take a little break. Tim, thanks for coming in.

[Tim Hawkins]

Sure, buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

First bump. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I screwed that up. Fist bump is the name of the special. Very funny. It's on Amazon prime as we speak. We'll take a quick break and we'll be back with Alicia Krause right after this. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road, man. Well, there are not many car issues I can't figure out. But if I'm stumped, I call O'Reilly immediately. They've got thousands of parts in stock or in store or in store or online. They have it. They'll find it for you. You never have to worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right?

[Dawson]

Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam

[Adam Carolla]

at first I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice.

[Tim Hawkins]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV.

[Dawson]

Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow,

[Tim Hawkins]

the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary.

[Dawson]

Pluto TV stream now. Pay Never. It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Andrew]

Foreign.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, hey, it's Daniel in Denver. I noticed while on Google Maps over the weekend looking around Los Angeles. According to that, the Palisades and Malibu and everything else that was destroyed has been completely rebuilt. I saw no damage, so. Well, we know what's going on, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you.

[Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, somebody tweeted that out. I did see that. I don't know if you saw that.

[Andrew]

The California Post, the New York Post and a few other outlets have now picked it up as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so there may be a plausible explanation. I don't know. But I don't know why you wouldn't use the most current photograph for Google Earth. I don't know if there's other examples and I don't know what Google's doing. I cannot figure why everyone is so invested in Newsome or Bass. They're both clearly Karen Bass is, by all objective measurements, horrible at her job. What is the allegiance to it? Meaning? I mean, I get they're Democrats, but what I'm saying is the words right

[Andrew]

out of my mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

She's really bad at what she does. So what? Let someone else try. Like, why so desperate? You know what I mean? It's also a weird thing when you hear Gavin newsman, they go, if we ever give up power, don't worry, we have plan B. It's like, how about plan A and not fucking up the city and the state.

[Andrew]

That's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

How about that?

[Andrew]

Making sure that the fire departments are funded and there's water in the reservoirs.

[Adam Carolla]

But the funny part is, like, Gavin Newsom, him is like, he has to say to his constituency, like, don't worry. It's basically him going, don't worry. If we get someone competent in here, we'll figure out a way to subvert whatever it is they're doing.

[Andrew]

But my biggest thing with that is the person that talked about democracy dying in darkness, the fairness of elections and how Republican gerrymandering is racist is the guy that's like, the guy that's been fine with Republicans being locked out of the general election for forever is now like, well, Democrats, we're gonna. Sure, there's a Democrat that you get to vote for in November.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So it's basically, here's what this is. We'll listen to Newsom. But I'll tell you what this is.

[Andrew]

Do we have to?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Andrew, put it up on screen. We all have agencies. We can shape the future. There's still a lot. Look, I've said this before, so I'll repeat it. I don't anticipate this need to be the case, but there is a break

[Tim Hawkins]

the glass scenario, and there's many people that have a deep understanding of what

[Adam Carolla]

it would look like if Democrats were locked out. And we're gonna do everything to make sure that doesn't happen. All right?

[Andrew]

So Republicans have been locked out since this stupid jungle primary thing began, and they're totally fine with Republicans being locked out. You've never once heard a Republican in the state be like, we have another plan.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but this is the funny part. This is the funny part. He is like a high school football coach who's been in charge, him and his brother coach and his uncle coach. And they've been in charge for 20 years or more of the coaching, the football program of this high school. They basically have gone 1 in 10 for the last 20 years. And then he's given a speech after going 1 in 10, and he's going, now, listen, I'm not going to be here forever. And if God Forbid they get another coach come in here. Don't worry. I know the trainers and I know the equipment manager and I know the offensive line coach and the defensive line because don't worry, we're still going to be. We're going to be able to implement my horrible, horrible, horrible plan that has ruined this once proud football franchise. So just don't worry. I know guys and I know some of the referees, too.

[Andrew]

I love it, though, when he shows his true colors and when Democrats show their true colors and their absolute hypocrisy on this issue of voting rights. Because you are saying that the will of the people in your state, if they choose Steve Hilton and Chad Bianco to be at the top of the gubernatorial ticket, you're just going to squeeze in Tom Steyer like that's what you're trying to do. So it's fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Is. Now, see, I don't know. I'm not interpreting Gavin Newsom as saying that.

[Andrew]

He's saying that they will. I think that my understanding of it is that they're going to use some legalese and some power to make sure that it's a Republican versus a Democrat in November.

[Adam Carolla]

I heard what I think he's saying. Well, we can try interpret it because you know more about this than I do. What I'm hearing, in fact, can we pull up, please, is don't worry, I still got a lot of ones who think like us at the top of these boards and administrations and all that stuff. And they're not going to be able. You're not going to be able to ram through your school choice stuff? Well, as long as I know the school unions or whatever.

[Andrew]

No, you are giving him so much of a benefit of the doubt. I think that he's going to use every single plan that he possibly can from the aegion down to make sure that he blocks out Republicans.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you're saying. He's saying, don't worry, we'll have a Democrat governor.

[Andrew]

We're gonna make sure that the Democrats don't get locked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. Okay.

[Andrew]

Not even a Democratic governor. I'm talking about the stupid June 2 jungle primary that the top two candidates go through.

[Adam Carolla]

I perceived him to saying, even if we have Steve Hilton, don't worry, we're not gonna work with him. I know everybody. Well, let's see what it sounds like. We all have agencies. We can shape the future. There's still a lot. Look, I've said this before, so hold on. What does he mean we all have agencies? I thought he meant like we have agencies, like.

[Andrew]

No, he's talking about his government agencies that he and the Democrats have a super majority over. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm saying Steve Hilton may be the governor, but I'll be in charge of the agencies and nothing's gonna change. Isn't that what I'm hearing?

[Dawson]

The agency, I believe that he is talking about is just a fancy way of saying we all have avenues.

[Andrew]

We all have, we all have like,

[Dawson]

I think we all have tax we can take.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I think that he's talking about tactics and legalese and stuff like that to change.

[Dawson]

And the last time Democrats did one of these break the glass situations, we got Russiagate and four years of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's go back from the beginning and let's just see what this is. We all have agents. He says agents, he doesn't say agents.

[Dawson]

We're capable of doing things. There's things we can do. That's what he means. If someone has agency, they have access to a checking account. Otherwise they're at the check cashing place.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you have agency like power over yourself or somebody else. All right, we all have agencies. We can shape the future. There's still a lot. Look, I've said this before, so I'll repeat it. I don't anticipate this need to be

[Tim Hawkins]

the case, but there is a break the glass scenario. And there's many people that have a deep understanding of what it would look like if Democrats were locked out.

[Adam Carolla]

And we're gonna do everything to make sure that doesn't happen. Now. I agree with you.

[Andrew]

So. And it also was, I mean, I knew a little behind the scenes there too. It was in response to a question from a reporter that was like, hey, the polls have kind of consistently shown two Republicans in the top tier. That hasn't really happened in over 20 years in this state. And Democrats are like, hold on, hold on, don't vote yet, Democrats. Cuz their LA mayoral race and their California gubernatorial race candidates are such a shit show that Republicans can actually gain and make an impact this year. They just gotta get off their butts and go vote.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, first story, first story.

[Andrew]

So speaking of voting, you know, last week Harvey Levin kind of went after Spencer Pratt for like living at the Hotel Bel Air. And then Spencer did the live from his property and chatted with Harvey and some of the guys over in the newsroom over there. Now TMZ founder Harvey Levin, I don't know, maybe he's Taking some reversals. Maybe he's pro Spencer now, but he had this to say about what Democrats have done with the city of Los Angeles.

[Alicia Krause]

I'm not only a born and raised Los Angeleno, but I'm second generation. My dad was born and raised in la. And so this is my life. And I have seen this city just fall apart, you know, over the last, I don't know, eight, nine years, but especially the last four years that, you know, the homeless problem is out of control in this city. I've been chased by people. A guy with a hammer walking out of my gym. He chased me with a hammer. I had a mentally ill woman, a homeless woman, take a holder.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, pause it there. I got chased by a crazy homeless dude with a hammer. And I was horrified because he's using a smooth ended finish hammer, like a 13 ounce, like for hitting Brad nails in for like putting base shoe in when he should have had like a claw and framing hammer with like a waffle in them, like a bond and a hatchet handle, like 23, like something for driving 16 penny sinkers. So I was yelling that at him as I was.

[Andrew]

As he was attempting to assault you, he'd be like, it'd be more efficient if you had a different hammer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, to match my brains in with. Give me a break, bro. All right, Sorry.

[Alicia Krause]

My car and I caught her doing it and I realized there is nothing I can do. What am I going to do? Get her arrested? I mean, what is that going to do? Am I going to sue her? So I literally looked at my car, watched her walk away and said, I live in Los Angeles and you know, the fires have been an absolute outrage in the city. This didn't have to happen. We had 100 fire trucks that were out of service. The water pressure was messed up and people lost their homes as a result of bad leadership. And then all of a sudden, people are throwing other people under the bus for no reason. This city operated in an appalling way during the fires. And by the way, it's not over. The insurance companies are screwing people over left and right. I've got a friend, his name is Dan Brun. He's an amazing architect. He put together a plan with 100 architects to offer their services free of charge to rebuild Altadena and Pacific Palisades. And they had a whole plan. I actually contacted Gavin Newsom and Newsom,

[Adam Carolla]

I remember when you did that.

[Alicia Krause]

I remember putting his people in touch with Dan and they were all in. And they brought it down to the City, which they had to do, and it died a slow death in the city of Los Angeles. So this city is not working.

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty apparent that. But the stay the course part is, it's insanely insulting when Karen Bass says this, by the way, there's more work to do.

[Andrew]

What have you done?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, what have you done?

[Andrew]

What work have you done, woman?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's just take it like it was a chart. You know what I mean? And by the way, you always know when they're bad, is when they go. These problems have been going on for decades. Whenever they tried to predate it to before they became in charge. Yes, decades in the making. You just made it worse in the last four years. But also in the making in the decades was only your party who ruined this state and ruined the city. But there's something to say. Look, if you had a big business, and it was a big manufacturing business, and you're losing 10% on every air conditioning unit that was going out the door, and then you got me in charge, and I was working real hard, and now we're still operating at a loss. But remember when I came here, you're losing 10 bucks a unit. Now you're only losing $1.59 a unit. And people go, yes, we're still losing money, but I could point at something and go, yes, you gave me four years. I got it from $10 to a buck 59. Give me four more years, and we'll be turning a profit and this and that. You could plausibly listen to that person. But if when you got there, it was losing 10 bucks a unit, and now four years later, you're losing 26 bucks a unit, then, no, you don't get four more years running this factory.

[Andrew]

And the schools are failures and there's trash on the streets and mentally ill people. See, not everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything is worse.

[Andrew]

Everything is worse.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Andrew]

I wish that Harvey would just come out and endorse.

[Adam Carolla]

He can't. He can't because he's got to work in Hollywood. But. But here's the other thing.

[Andrew]

He's buddy buddy with Trump, and he's on the phone with him, like, every fricking day.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the good news. Here's what I want to say to all the people on the left. Good news. You got your first black female mayor of Los Angeles. She fucked it 10 ways to Sunday, and now we need a white dude to fix the mess she made. But you got your first female black mare. You can all congratulate yourselves. Ted, pat yourselves on the back. I know you love all this bullshit. You did it. You did it. She was horrible. You did it. She ruined the city, but you did it. So congratulate yourselves. And now elect someone who's competent so we can fix this shit. That. That woman who broke the glass ceiling, and you guys were so proud of voting in that she fucked the city up so badly that we now need to change directions. But you did it. Feel good about yourself. You got the first. Check the box. You don't need two terms. You got the first.

[Andrew]

I just. I understand what you're saying about. Harvey won't do it because he's a coward and he's afraid of losing contacts or whatever in Hollywood. But Hollywood has already fled, and there isn't much left of Hollywood. And there will not be much left of Hollywood if this city does not change.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me explain. There are places like there was Scientology, and people feared Scientology, and now nobody fears Scientology anymore. But they could have stopped fearing Scientology 10 years ago, but they were still too scared to jump on. There is no.

[Andrew]

It needs somebody to do the right thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I know there is no Hollywood anymore, but the people that are hanging on still think they're gonna get that job. That's the problem. All right, next story. What do we got?

[Andrew]

Next story. So we have this march that happened over in London. Tens of thousands of people marched through central London in two separate protests. One was against the high levels of immigration and perceived Islamic threat to the British identity. And the other was support in support of, you know, Palestinians. This comes from ABC News, so I'm just gonna call it what it was. It was actually in support of, like, Hamasistans. Police deployed 4,000 officers, including reinforcements from outside of the Capitol, and pledged the most assertive possible use of our powers. So what's kind of fascinating about this is Keir Starmer said on Friday that the original people who are waving, you know, UK flags and Israeli flags and US flags and talking about how they are scared of the mass, I think, radical migration to the country. They were hateful. So. So he said it was just hate, plain and simple. I think we have audio of that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's their move. It's hate. Yeah, they hate to see their proud empire crumble. That's what they hate.

[Andrew]

Because, doofus, they said that it was foreign. Far right agitators do that. And, you know, heaven forbid they wave, like, the. The Christian flag and all those other things. But, I mean, what was kind of fascinating, too, is that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and do we have the tape of him or we just do. No. Or maybe we do. It's a lot of people. Yeah.

[Andrew]

They're saying tens of thousands. But there was also a counter protest. And that's where it gets interesting. So the people that are saying, hey, we want the UK to stay the UK the way it is. Good. And they were shut down by Keir Starmer and the police, or attempted to shut down, but the people saying, let's shoot Tommy Robinson, one of the planners of that rally, in the neck like Charlie Kirk, and calling for Intifada, which is the wiping out of Jews. They're totally okay to march on the streets.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I never know is, are you hell bent on ruining your country, your state, or your city, or are you just fucking retarded and you don't know what you're doing? By the way, look around. That's what's happening. Okay? I don't give one of my. I don't want to give one of my speeches, but the reason you don't have the energy right now where they fled is because they live there and they fucked it up and there's something wrong with their culture. Culture, okay. And then they bring that culture to your culture, which isn't fucked up, and then they fuck up your culture. That's pretty much it. That's how it works.

[Andrew]

I also just think it's interesting that I think as a conservative who is a proud American and believes in the importance of American identity, but also just what America honors and upholds and is supposed to be, I think that immigration is a part of that story. But I think what happens is you have the radical progressives, like a Keir Starmer and a lot of media, especially mainstream media, that. That conflates true Nazis with, like, what you and I might believe about immigration. So then when you see all these headlines that are like, alt right, far right, you're like, well, is it true? Are they actually really alt right? Do they want to annihilate Jews, or do they just want a tougher immigration system?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I want to go. I live in Los Angeles. I don't live in Mexico. I don't want to live in Mexico. I want to live in Los Angeles. And if everyone's speaking Spanish and selling guavas on the street, then I might as well just live in Mexico.

[Andrew]

I'm fine if they do those two things. I just want them to completely assimilate and adhere to American principles and Western civilized values.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can't completely assimilate and speak Spanish and sell guavas on the street. That's the problem with your logic. But. All right, Keir Stommer's got something to say about it. Tomorrow's march in London is a reminder of what we're up against in the battle of our values. The organizers, including convicted thugs and racists, are peddling hatred and division and simple. Their goal is to convince people that Britain's problems are caused by those living alongside them. But that is not the Britain that I know. This is a country built on decency, fairness and respect. A country that is at its best when people from different backgrounds come together in common purpose. All right, you can stop. Diversity is not our strength, by the way. I don't know whoever laid that down. Having different skills is a good thing, but thinking differently about this country, that kind of diversity, it's not a strength that tears your country apart, is really. It's what's going on in his country and what's kind of going on in our country. Who Dawson was the. No, Andrew. Who was that lesbian Australian comedian who did the one woman show? Hannah. Hannah Gatsby. Oh, yeah, kind of got some. Keir Starmer. Has anyone ever seen those two together in the same room?

[Andrew]

Yeah. Rachel Maddow with some white hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Find me a good picture. Hannah and that. All right, what do you got next?

[Andrew]

Okay, so you're probably gonna like this. Have you heard about these teen takeovers? They're happening in some of the major cities across the country.

[Adam Carolla]

I heard about them.

[Andrew]

Well, now federal prosecutors under the Trump administration, Washington D.C. are saying that they will begin charging parents to whose children are involved in these so called teen takeovers. So if you see the videos and stuff of this, it's kind of insane how they're all over social media and it will literally be just a couple of hundred teens and they just take over. Like, I think they've taken over like the Navy Yard or even parts of Chicago and they just go in, they loot, they break, they steal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Andrew]

They wreak havoc on everyone and everything, including each other. And I think Jeanine Pirro, who is the acting a US State Attorney for the District of Columbia, said, hey, listen, we're gonna start holding parents accountable for this. Like if these kids are minors and you're their parent, you're gonna be held accountable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, their dad's already in prison is the problem. So we just gotta deal with the fucking mom now who's got two jobs and too many kids and can't control them. But I totally agree. Look, it's always about the parents. Where are the parents? It could be this in Chicago, or it could be in LA and the guy stole a Dodge Charger and they're doing donuts in the middle of the intersection. There's 500 kids standing around video. Who are these parents? Where are they? Why don't you know where your kids are? I'm sorry, but whether it's your kid or it's your dog, if your dog bites someone, that's on you. You're the owner of the dog. You left the gate open, the dog got out and mauled the neighbor's three year old. Sorry. You're in trouble.

[Andrew]

Did you know that even in California and other liberal states, if my legal, registered and licensed Glock that sits in my safe is stolen and used in a crime, I'm held culpable.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Andrew]

But it's racist to say if your children are destroying a city and scaring tourists and locals and stealing from them and hitting other teens in a stolen Dodge Charger? No, no, no. That parent cannot be held accountable.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Well, it's a major problem in the black community. The dad is gone 72% of the time. It's staggering numbers. It affects the black community more than other communities. The dads need to stay and raise the child they're not told to. There's no politician in the world that'll say it because it's a third rail. So they just talk about systemic racism and they make people angrier and they do nothing. Somebody better talk about dads at home. And if you're doing it right and you're raising. Oh, my God, you're raising.

[Andrew]

Sorry, just got distracted.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. We're looking at Kier and Hannah. Hannah Gadsby.

[Andrew]

My God.

[Adam Carolla]

Keir Starmer, doppelgangers. Are we sure Hannah Gatsby did not reinvent herself as a male who's now running the uk? Cause I've not seen a special drop in a while.

[Andrew]

Whether or not she's running it well would be.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she's running how she would do it because she's very progressive.

[Andrew]

Oh, my Lord, have mercy.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Andrew]

That's legit.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Andrew]

That was a solid call.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's a gift. I don't know what else to say. It's good when you can jump genders. You know what I mean? If they're both dudes or both chicks, it's good. But if you can get a chick and a dude and they still look the same, yeah, that's a win.

[Andrew]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna take that win. Yeah. We need to hold the parents accountable. This is tough because it's a little impractical in the sense that most of the parents, the moms working a graveyard shift or whatever, but look good. Anything to say? Your kid is not allowed to just run the street wild. And then because your kid is a minor, then they don't prosecute them and that's fine. But by the way, I don't know, what's your plan? Hang around and just watch places get looted?

[Andrew]

Yeah, they're saying, oh, well, we have parents that are working really hard and they don't need to be punished because they're working hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they do. They've done a shit job on their kids and they unleash their kids into society.

[Andrew]

I mean, I literally, I feel like I'd say this to my children all the time. I'm like, you are not the victim. Life is not fair. And every action and inaction has a constant consequence. And so these kids have to learn a consequence. There has to be a consequence. So if you just like let. And I don't know, I don't know how I feel about, like juvie and stuff like that, but it's like there should be actions when they are literally destroying neighborhoods and cities.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Andrew]

But also kind of like gang violence. You shouldn't just be like, well, you know, there's a lot of them and a lot of them have tough stories and they immigrated.

[Adam Carolla]

So what are you going to do?

[Andrew]

So what are you going to do about it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it'd be nice if progressive black politicians ever address the real underlying problem, which is the broken family. But you guys will never talk about that. You'll just talk about gerrymandering or systemic this or other bullshit that that's not gonna affect any of this ever. And they'll never talk about it. But they're, you know, heroes leading some kind of charge. It's just been going on for a long time. Someone needs to speak up. It can't be anyone from the right. Would have to be someone from the left. But, you know, as we talked Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama not saying anything. All right, we got one more.

[Andrew]

We do have one more. A little bit of time to talk about Cate Blanchett mourning, how the MeToo movement got quote, unquote, killed very quickly. And she says that the problems of sexual harassment and abuse in Hollywood are still systemic layer of abuse that exists. She said there are a lot of people with platforms who are able to speak up with relative safety and say, this has happened to me. And the so called average woman on the street is saying, me Too. Back at the Cannes Film Festival. But she's asking, why is it getting shut down? What it revealed is a systemic layer of abuse, not only in the industry, but in all industries. And so if you don't identify the problem, you can't solve the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what? She is one. There are people and many actors, and I think this is a problem. This is the thing. There are people who, when you look at him, you go, that guy doesn't know what he's talking about. Lou Perlman behind the Backstreet Boys. And who else are they behind? NSync, the Svengali guy? He doesn't look like he knows what he's talking about when you see him. George Clooney looks like he knows what he's talking about. And Cate Blanchett not only looks like she knows what she's talking about. You have to have a certain angular features, but when you put an English accent on top of it, makes them

[Andrew]

sound really smart, too.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're, like, really lean, and they're almost statuesque. They're sort of lean at the. Narrow. At the hip, and they kind of. And they're very good posture. And they see themselves in the mirror and they hear their accent. They go, I must know what I'm talking about. And then they want to share with

[Andrew]

the world their wisdom.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because they look like they know what they're talking about.

[Andrew]

She said she's upset that she's still on film sets. And does the head count every day when she's on these film sets?

[Adam Carolla]

Head count, like, how many guys she's blown?

[Andrew]

There's 10 women and there's 75 men every morning. And she says that she loves men. But what happens is that the jokes become the same. And what happens is you have to brace yourself slightly. And I'm used to that. But it just gets boring. It gets boring when everybody. For everybody. When you walk into a homogenous workplace. So what about the homogenous homogenousness? I'm not as smart or British as she, apparently. Of, like, no political diversity.

[Adam Carolla]

No. That doesn't count on a set, by the way.

[Andrew]

Like. Or religious diversity on a set.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't this one who wanted more ladies make that really crappy Ocean's Nine or whatever movie? They made an all girls version of Ocean's Eleven that came out.

[Andrew]

She did a whole show making fun of Philip. Phyllis Schlafly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Andrew]

Yeah. Isn't she the one that was in the Phyllis Schlafly show?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't know, I don't follow her that closely, but anyway, shut up is what we're here to say. All right. Costa Mesa this Sunday, Westwood coast doing a couple shows there. Friday the 12th, Oklahoma City, Bricktown Comedy Club, two shows. And then Saturday, June 13th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Bricktown Comedy Club, two Shows at there. Sunday the 20th, Santa Ana. Oh, Jordan Family Classic Cars. We're going to show the KROC Doc.

[Andrew]

That'll be fun.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going to screen the KROC Doc. So come see that. Been making that for years. June 20th. What do you got? Alicia Krause.

[Andrew]

Oh, you can check out my piece on the Rousey vs. Carano fight over at the Daily Wire.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. And I want to thank Tim Hawkins for coming in. Fist bump, name of his special. Until next time, that for Tim and Alicia Grouse saying, Mahala, you can leave us a voicemail.

[Dawson]

The phone number is 888-634-1744. And get tickets to see Adam Corolla at AdamCola.com.

[Adam Carolla]

At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv.

[Tim Hawkins]

Then I voice, come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. Truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV.

[Dawson]

Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow,

[Tim Hawkins]

the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary.

[Dawson]

Pluto TV stream now pay never

[Andrew]

Wherever

[Adam Carolla]

you go, whatever they get into, from

[Andrew]

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[Tim Hawkins]

warnings, visit credelioquatrolabel.com consult your vet or call 1-888-545-5973. Ask your vet for Cordelio Cuatro and

[Adam Carolla]

visit quattrodog.com at first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I a voice.

[Tim Hawkins]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Adam Carolla]

There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free.

[Andrew]

Truth, isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

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[Dawson]

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[Tim Hawkins]

the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary.

[Dawson]

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