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- [00:15]
Giovanni
Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans selected clips.
- [00:21]
Bald Brian
From all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show.
- [00:22]
Giovanni
We have a companion podcast feed titled Cruel Classics. It's an exclusive premium feed. Through Podcast One, you can find ad free archives for every week's Friday, Saturday and Sunday episode, along with the entire back catalog. And if you'd like, the ad free archives of the back catalog of the Adam Carolla show and The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive.
- [00:39]
Bald Brian
Access to the brand new podcast Beat.
- [00:40]
Giovanni
It out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com all right, let's get some clips coming. First we have Adam Carolla Show 369 featuring Tom Arnold, Brian Bishop from 2010. Teresa's not in this episode. She's missing it due to other commitments at the time. This is coming up on the end of her run. Hope you guys enjoy.
- [01:05]
Bald Brian
Just checked out itunes. We are number one and number two in the podcast most popular episode. So thank you very much. Number one, thank you very much for listening. That is Bald Brian is going to be doubling down today doing the news.
- [01:24]
Johnny Pemberton
I am good at three things.
- [01:25]
Esther Povitsky
Fighting, screwing, and reading the news.
- [01:28]
Bald Brian
Teresa is out either fighting or screwing this evening, so that leaves us with just bald brine. And don't worry, Tom Arnold's going to be in here to connect the dots and cross the T's or dot the I's and cross the T's. All right? First a little business and then plenty of things to catch you guys up on. All right? Also, I want to talk about something else for a second. A couple things. I don't know what this etiquette is, Paul. Brian, you have a dog. Perhaps you can help me. Yes, I was on Sunday, I was taking my kids and my dog for a hike through the hills of Hollywood.
- [02:12]
Esther Povitsky
Okay, you lost me already.
- [02:13]
Bald Brian
And they have, you know, the trails and they, they go all through the fire trails, go through the hills there. There's, you know, a bunch of nice white people walking around their dogs. Basically at I saw on the ground what looked like one of my little doggie bags, pardon the pun, with a knot tied in it. It was sitting on the ground but just sort of in the trail. And it looked like, oh, someone picked up some dog shot and put it in a baggie and then twist it off and then Put it there. But I thought, why go through the trouble of bagging it and tagging it without chucking it and fucking it? That's the only thing it rhymes. Oh, my God. No, but why? Why not? I guess you'd fuck then chuck. But the point is, like, you're gonna pick it up, you're gonna put it in a bag. Now, now, dilemma. You don't want to carry around a bag of dog shit especially, you know, my dog will take a shit soon as its paw goes from the blacktop to the soil. You know what I mean? Like, first things first, I gotta shit up this new trail. So what I'll do is I'll take the bag, I'll put it around my hand, I'll pick up the dog shit and just sort of chuck it across the hill like into the scrub or into the bushes or something where it's off the trail and. And then I'll pull the bag back sort of inside out so that the shit on the outside's now on the inside and just sort of tie it up and put it in my pocket.
- [03:29]
Esther Povitsky
Tie up a tied off bag of a shit stain.
- [03:32]
Bald Brian
A bag, right. That's usually not much to it, sure. But what I wouldn't do is pick it up, tie it off and then just leave it. Like expecting it to be picked up somehow by somebody.
- [03:43]
Esther Povitsky
Marbles or something, right?
- [03:44]
Bald Brian
So walking the dog and the kids and I got my daughter on my shoulders and she's complaining as she always does, and we go, come across. I come across a little blue bag filled with shits on the trail. It's. It's right in the middle of the trail. Why bag it? I mean, why be that conscientious to pick up your dog shit and bag it and then just sort of leave it there. And then as we're leaving, so I.
- [04:08]
Esther Povitsky
Can leave a bag recyclable just next to the blue bin right here. Which out here means recycling.
- [04:13]
Bald Brian
Now we're leaving. And as we're leaving, we come across an attractive Indian chick. And by the way, more attractive. I don't remember any hot Indian chicks, by the way. You don't have to bring up pictures of shit in a bag on our screen. We get it. But the attractive Indian chick wouldn't hurt.
- [04:33]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, I was gonna say I've come.
- [04:34]
Bald Brian
Across more attractive sort of eastern Indian type chicks in the last like five years than I have my entire life. Like, I grew up with the occasional weird teacher that had the super long hair and was wearing the gowny thing and was weird yeah. And it was like, not hot. Why are Eastern Indian chicks hot all of a sudden?
- [04:54]
Esther Povitsky
It's a new trend. Remember Richard Gere got in trouble a couple years ago for kissing?
- [04:58]
Bald Brian
Right.
- [04:59]
Esther Povitsky
Indian, really hot. Indian actors.
- [05:01]
Bald Brian
Madonna said she was the most beautiful. Another one's like the most beautiful woman in the world. Knowledge. Yeah. When did. What did they.
- [05:07]
Esther Povitsky
Chick from Slumdog Millionaire.
- [05:09]
Bald Brian
What did they start putting in the water over there? Because Indian chicks used to be fucking dogs when I was a kid. It was like. They were weird. Their hair was down to the ground. They were, like, tripping on it.
- [05:19]
Esther Povitsky
Gray mixed in.
- [05:19]
Bald Brian
Had the dot woven into the forehead and everything. It was totally fucked up. And all of a sudden they just got hot. And it's weird because they got a lot of the perks of the black chicks. And none of the setbacks, physically. Listen, I know I sound like a dick, but we know what we're talking about. They got the dark skin and the dark hair and the dark eyes. But they have some cool Anglo features to them. I mean, they're perfect. They got a good. A good jumping off point for being hot. I guess some of them are starting to figure it out now.
- [05:49]
Esther Povitsky
The sort of Holly Berrying of Indian chicks. You know, the white. The typical angle of features, you know?
- [05:55]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Like if someone would have told you.
- [05:58]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [05:58]
Bald Brian
If someone would have told you when you were in junior high, hey, I want to set you up with this hot Indian chick. You'd be like, no, they all look like Apu's wife from the Simpsons. Now all of a sudden, they're hot. So hot. Indian chicks coming down the hill. I'm going up the hill, right? And she's got her dog. And her dog takes a shit. And she's, you know, you can tell she's kind of put together.
- [06:21]
Esther Povitsky
That was Apu's wife's name. Majula.
- [06:23]
Bald Brian
Majula. And the dog's taking a medumpa. And she's kind of put together, and she's no rookie, and she's got her shit together. And I'm standing there, so she has to take care of the dog shit. So Molly's, like, sniffing their ass. The kids are asking what your dog's name is, and blah, blah, blah. And she reaches down with the little blue bag that seems to be the standard one. Picks up the dog poo, pulls it, you know, right side in or whatever. Ties it off in a knot and then just drops it and walks and walks away. And I thought, at this point, I thought, what is it that I don't know, because she did this in front of me.
- [06:59]
Esther Povitsky
Yes.
- [06:59]
Bald Brian
And my M.O. is I do the. Oh, I'm handling it. And as soon as the person gets down the trail, I, I'll draw a swastika and fecal matter on like my forehead. But I wait for them to get down the trail. If I were her, I'd pick it up like I was taking it somewhere and then wait for me to get up the trail and then just chuck it into the bushes.
- [07:18]
Esther Povitsky
It's gotta be a cultural thing.
- [07:20]
Bald Brian
I found more bagged shit down the trail. Same blue bag. Yes.
- [07:25]
Esther Povitsky
This is her mo. That's her mo I'm guessing.
- [07:27]
Bald Brian
No, I think people are doing this, but I think it's a thing of I don't want to carry around. Like I'm going to go on a one hour hike. My dog shit 11 seconds into my one hour hike and there are no trash receptacles. By the way, Louisiana is famous for that. They just don't put the fucking barrels. Every other city has a put your recycling here, put your barrel there, whatever, whatever. Louisiana will not do that. For some reason, Louisiana, there's a stretch of along, along Forest Lawn that has nothing but illegals selling flowers to people that are going to the funeral home, which you've heard me complain about before. And it's just tons of trash and tons of flower boxes and tons of fast food shit. And I understand they're not going to do anything about the illegals. God fucking forbid we do anything about illegals or selling things in a weird black market way and not collecting any revenue or income or taxes from them, but at least put a couple of fucking barrels out there so they could throw their fucking Arby's wrapper somewhere. Wouldn't be interesting. Wouldn't be fucking trash everywhere. It's weird that we don't LA so fucking filled with garbage and we don't really understand why. I say people would kind of do the right thing. Like if you're just an illegal and you're selling flowers in the middle Forest Lawn Drive and you're eating your McDonald's, you would throw away your wrappers if in fact there was a trash can within 40ft.
- [08:55]
Giovanni
But there's reasonable distance.
- [08:56]
Bald Brian
A reasonable distance. It's like people wouldn't jaywalk if there's a cross, if there's a place to cross legally within 50ft or so. But if you have to walk 10 miles, fuck it, I'm jaywalking. That's kind of how people are with their trash and the recycling. And evidently Their dog shit. She tied it up, dropped it, and put it right in front of me.
- [09:13]
Esther Povitsky
So you suspect there's more than just her doing this on the trail? Because how could it possibly just be one person?
- [09:17]
Bald Brian
I thought to myself, does this bag are these special dog shit bags that somehow disintegrate when, like the first rain falls? And then I thought, but then if they do, then that's just your dog shit sitting on the ground now, right? And then is there somebody who walks this trail picking up everyone's sacks of dog shit? I have never seen it before.
- [09:38]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, you see people, like trolling back alleys collecting shopping carts because the stores will pay them for shopping carts. No one's paying for the dog shit.
- [09:46]
Bald Brian
We couldn't figure it out. Maybe someone has an answer. If you do, tell us. And again, weird thing to do right in front of me.
- [09:53]
Giovanni
Literally.
- [09:54]
Bald Brian
She didn't present it to me, but just sort of set it at my feet and walked away. Like, again, give that. Do that fucking move where you go, like, I gotta throw this away. And then soon as I turn and look, just punt it into the scrub. Other thing. That was awesome. Learned a valuable lesson. Put the kids into the car and said, we're driving home without the seat belts. We were not on any major streets. We were just up in the hills. Couple of windy streets to my house, kind of hills that wind around where you literally go nine miles an hour because you can't see around the next corner. So I was like, all right, why.
- [10:36]
Esther Povitsky
Would you want our seatbelt in that case?
- [10:37]
Bald Brian
Yeah, it's such a fucking pain in the ass crawling around the back seat. You have to pull it out and never. And by the way, definitely don't want.
- [10:44]
Esther Povitsky
To start that habit.
- [10:45]
Bald Brian
You'll find out that the child seat sits over the receptacle, so you have to kind of. You can't. It's not a clear shot.
- [10:51]
Esther Povitsky
Right.
- [10:51]
Bald Brian
It's a fucking huge pain in the ass. So you know what?
- [10:54]
Esther Povitsky
You've convinced me. I'm cutting mine out today.
- [10:56]
Bald Brian
Yes. The kids were not belted in and I was driving very slowly and cautiously up amongst the hills and. And again, you never go faster. Nine miles an hour. But I could tell the kids were digging it, especially my daughter. She was like, woo. She had the window down. Like, it was like, wow, man, school's out for summer. So on the way to my house, there is one big long straight hill. There's no streets leading to it, no cars, there's nothing to do. And I said, hang on. And I punched it and there's room. My daughter was screaming. Wow. Whoa. Yeah. So we pulled into my driveway, and my daughter was gassed. Like, she was like, yeah, so fast. So fun. And I was like, oh, no. And because I realized the super fast Married with the no seatbelt was gonna be horrific or rash you out. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm so fucking naive. So fucking naive.
- [11:55]
Esther Povitsky
Well, this is a nice secret between Daddy and daughter.
- [11:57]
Bald Brian
My son I knew could handle. I said to my daughter, I said, look, she said, I want to tell Mommy how fast we're going. I said, you can't tell Mommy how fast we're going because the whole. I knew that I might get busted on the seat belt thing, but the whole thing about the seat belt thing was all gonna be predicated on it. We never got faster than eight miles an hour. Twisty, windy, up in the hills. Never even going down on a major street. Now, come on. So, but then that mix with the speed was not gonna be good. So I said, natalia, I said, listen, no, no, no. You don't tell Mommy how fast we're going, and you don't tell her about the seatbelts being off. Because if you do, we're never going to do it again. Never again. Daddy's never going to go fast, remember? Wasn't that fun? Yeah, that was fun. Okay. That was fun. Good. Never again. Bizarre. Secret. Little secret between Daddy. A little secret between Daddy and Mommy. And. And. Okay, all right. And then she said, but can I tell her how fast we're going? I said, no, no, no. Fast. Another seatbelt secret between Daddy and Mommy. Sonny, you got it? Good. Natalia. Good. Fine. Or we can't do it anymore because Mommy won't let you drive anymore. I can't drive with you. Okay, all right. Like out of a movie. Walk in the front door. Right as I walk in the front door, the phone rings. And I pick it up. My buddy Les talks. Talking to Les. And as I'm talking to Les, I see Natalia talking to my wife. And I see her gesticulating, like, just sort of like hands flying and zoom and pow, wow. And this is great. And I see the look on my wife's face, like, what? And then I'm like, hold on, Les. And then I hear, and we're not wearing seatbelts. I'm like, jesus, fuck. You couldn't have gone 11? Like, 11 seconds, 11. Like, literally standing out front of the door going, no, talk about this. Oh, it'll never happen again. Beeline for Mom.
- [13:53]
Esther Povitsky
Guess what?
- [13:55]
Bald Brian
This is why. This is how every criminal gets caught. You just. You don't say anything. You can't. I'm sure I sealed my faith just by telling her not to say anything. And then the whole part, then the part where dad said, don't say anything, that. That now compounds. Of course. Of course.
- [14:13]
Esther Povitsky
Maybe the silver lining is that Natalia is going to grow up to be a very honest person.
- [14:18]
Bald Brian
No, she wouldn't be honest. She only did it to fuck with me. All right, let me give another quick mention of one of our sponsors. Stitcher. That's right. Stitcher. You can listen to the Adam Carolla show on Stitcher and hear exclusive extra content. Oh, do I got one planned for you guys today? Yeah. After the show, we lay down some exclusive extra content for our good friends over at Stitcher. And you can only hear it. It's Stitcher. So it. What's. Well, I don't know how to describe Stitcher. You don't download our show. It's an app. You don't download our show on Stitcher. You hear it, it's streaming. You stream it through Stitcher.
- [14:56]
Esther Povitsky
Exactly. It's available anytime. Like, you know, if you were to download something onto your phone, it would be there. It would be taking up space and be there permanently until you delete it. Whereas streaming, it's available to you anytime.
- [15:06]
Bald Brian
Like, you're right. You don't have to sync it, you don't have to download it. It's just there. If you have an iPhone, a BlackBerry, Android, and Palm, it's all there. It's Stitcher.com. so hear the show. Hear it for free. Stitcher, the app is free and you get bonus content. All free. What do you got to lose? Stitcher.com. all right, now, when I was at Comic Con. Comic Con, did you ever predict that you would be before me? Never. I was there on Friday show, and I was talking about a song that I think Brian went and found, and it was a song. I don't know how the hell I got into it, but it was a song by Harry Chapin, and it's called Taxi, and it's just such a. Such a 70 song. And I think it's crazy about the part where he's getting high and driving his cab and being stoned at the end. So, Dawson, this baby's for you, and it's for the wees and all the Heschers out there. He also. I think he says, mulany, it was working hard in Frisco. I needed one more thing. He's driving a hat, a lady up ahead waved to flag me down she got in at the light so he's driving a hack and she's a rich lady Away you go. Going to my lady blue they used to put that. They used to put that in every 70s song. My lady Blue she just looked out the window she said, 16 Parkside lay yeah. She's going to the nice part of town he's driving a hat. But there's a backstory, man. These two knew each other before this. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Just listen. Something about her was. For me, I could swear I seen her face before. But she said, I'm sure you're mistaken. And she didn't say anything more. But he remembers. That's right. It took a while but she looked in the mirror Then she glanced at the license for my name A smile seemed to come to her slowly. It was a sad smile smile. Just to say Harry Chapin died in a car crash. By the way, how are you, Harry? Yeah, I said, how are you? And he uses his name in the song. How are you, Harry? Too many miles and the two little smiles.
- [17:52]
Giovanni
I still.
- [17:56]
Bald Brian
Remember. You ever hear of this song, right? Never.
- [17:59]
Esther Povitsky
I only now cast in the cradle from Harry J.
- [18:02]
Bald Brian
Probably top 10. And somewhere in the 70s he was gonna. She was gonna be an actress and he was gonna learn to fly, which he learned to do with drugs. It was somewhere in a fairy tale. I used to take her home in my car. We learned about love in the back of a Dodge. A lot of guys raping in, dodging back then. Dawson, you gotta cover this. Your acoustic set. You see, she was gonna be an actress and I was gonna. Lear.
- [18:41]
Esther Povitsky
Song is Tempo changes.
- [18:42]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah. To find the footlights I took off to find the sky. Dawson, you know this one? First time I ever heard it. Really? Wow. Now it changes gears again.
- [18:57]
Esther Povitsky
Changes tempos.
- [18:58]
Bald Brian
That's it.
- [19:00]
Esther Povitsky
Boots.
- [19:00]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah. Whoa. I got something inside me but to drive the princess blind that train mark. Yeah. Wild man wizard. 7 minute song between this song driver and the show.
- [19:24]
Johnny Pemberton
Taxi.
- [19:24]
Esther Povitsky
Taxi Driver.
- [19:26]
Bald Brian
Very popular in the seventies. Yeah, that trucking. Just driving people around in produce. Listen to this. Julia Child singing Background Multi talented. Yeah. Such a 70s song. Could you imagine this being played on the radio today?
- [19:50]
Esther Povitsky
I was gonna say, apparently hooks and choruses weren't big in the 70s.
- [19:53]
Bald Brian
No. 6 and a half minute song played on the radio all the time. And you find out if this thing was a top 10 song.
- [20:05]
Esther Povitsky
Speaking of Truckin' Duel.
- [20:08]
Bald Brian
Good movie.
- [20:08]
Esther Povitsky
Ever seen it? It was on tv.
- [20:09]
Bald Brian
Sure. Dennis Weaver and Spielberg's Real first debut.
- [20:15]
Esther Povitsky
I think it was a TV movie.
- [20:17]
Bald Brian
Yeah, sure. Good movie. Oh, yeah. No, very intriguing. What is that? What? What is this chick singing here? She just repeating something. Every song had to be eight minutes long. She's just filling.
- [20:29]
Esther Povitsky
Bad news, Harry. The song clocking in 505.
- [20:33]
Bald Brian
Let's get that chick to sing a little falsetto.
- [20:35]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
- [20:38]
Bald Brian
Whatever they had once was gone. My cab into the driveway Past the gate and the fine trim lawn the gate and the fine trim lawn See.
- [20:49]
Giovanni
She'S rich now and she said we.
- [20:51]
Bald Brian
Must get together But I knew it.
- [20:55]
Giovanni
Never be arranged here's the hotline she.
- [20:58]
Bald Brian
Hand me $20 for a 250 fair she said, Harry, keep the change 250 fair. The song peaked at number 24 on the Billboard show. 24. Here's another hot line. I stashed a bill in my shirt oh, Harry. And she walked away in silence Back to the piano. It's strange how you never know but we'd both gotten what we'd asked for Such a long. How did he get what he asked for? She made it rich. She made it big as an actress. She's rich now. No, no. We're gonna find out. She's driving a cab. And I was gonna learn to fly. She took off to find the footlights. I took off. He's driving a hack in San Francisco and here she's acting happy oh, she's acting happy Gilded cage and me I'm flying in my. Flying in a taxi Hang on, Dawson. Taking tips and getting stone Lay it on the line. Turn it up.
- [22:30]
Esther Povitsky
That's another thing. Today's music is twist endings.
- [22:35]
Bald Brian
Yeah, twist. She's acting happy in her home. Yeah, that's acting. And I'm flying Getting stone so it's on you.
- [22:41]
Esther Povitsky
I'm stoned.
- [22:43]
Bald Brian
He flies so high when he's stoned. That's the way you had to do it in the 70s. You had to write six minutes of lyrics beforehand so then you could drop the bombshell. And by the way, man, I'm sparking up a duber and my stuff in my cack. All right. Well, that's the song I was yapping about at Comic Con. How did that come up?
- [23:05]
Esther Povitsky
I assume everyone was talking. I was Chapin.
- [23:06]
Bald Brian
Oh, it's the whole Harry Chapin booth and a presentation. Oh, it's questions and answers. No, one of the guys we had. One of the guests we had on was. Had. Had. Had to play. Worked for Jack Silver and had to play, like, soft rock. Like bread and stuff like that. And I Mentioned he probably had to play this song at some point too. But as a jock, this is a good song to go blow butt to, you know what I mean? Six and a half minutes. Six and a half. That's. You can take a crap, take a crap, get laid, blow butt, do a rail and come back in. Yeah, he'd still be flying in his taxi. All right, Bald Bryant sitting in for Teresa Strasser. Tom Arnold coming in tonight. You want to do get started with some of the news? Let's do it. From the International News center next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Teresa Strasser.
- [24:00]
Esther Povitsky
Close enough.
- [24:01]
Bald Brian
That's right.
- [24:02]
Esther Povitsky
Let's start off with some comic con news because you were there this weekend. What was your impression, by the way? Everyone, everyone wants to know what Corolla is like comic con or what thought of Comic Con or comic Book.
- [24:11]
Bald Brian
Well, a couple things, you know, as far as far as the chicks go, lots of nines and threes, not a lot of fives and six. You know, the nines are dressed like Shira Lourdes of the jungle, you know what I mean? And then the threes, those are just the fat chicks that are there.
- [24:30]
Esther Povitsky
They're really into it.
- [24:30]
Bald Brian
But there's not, there's not a lot of like, you know, it's weird because normally when you go to places, there's a lot of like sixes and sevens. These are just hot chicks dressed in loincloths and then fat chicks following them around. Not nothing in between. A lot of extremes. I, you know, look, I ain't into it. I ain't into it at all. I can't stand all that shit. But on the other hand, people go, well, what about you with your car shit? So, you know, I'm into my car shit. On the other hand, the car shit you own, like it's tangible. I mean, I know everyone makes an excuse, but by the way, I, I, I give as much shit to my friends who play the rotisserie baseball and the fairy tale football and all that stuff. But at least there's a gambling aspect to it. Yeah, my whole feeling is this, look, everyone needs a hobby. Everyone needs something to do. Everyone wants to hand down something to their kid and what, have different strokes. Different strokes. I just feel that if your hobby is something that's tangible, then at least you own it. Like, people go, well, what's the difference? You know, you like cars? What's it? Well, all right, so let's just say I loved my, my 69 Camaro Z28. And then I went to SEMA, which is the same as Comic Con, and I looked around at parts for it, and I looked at all this stuff, but at least at the end of the day, I'd have a car that I could give to my son. You guys have a knapsack with a picture of Spider man on it. Like, that's not worth anything. I mean, I know it's not all about what something's worth and all that kind of shit. And the other thing is. And that's important in sort of the.
- [26:13]
Esther Povitsky
Collecting community, whether it's cars or comic books or baseball cars, it's sort of like an assigned value. You. You're like, oh, this is a valuable. Whatever. It's a valuable car. There's only so many of them. This is a valuable card. There's only so many.
- [26:23]
Bald Brian
I can understand the part where you want the, you know, first issue of the Hulk or whatever, creating cards, comic books and all that. The other part I don't quite understand is, as I was saying to Donnie when we were driving up, marveling at the nerds, I said, you know, they would say the same thing about us. You know, we go to pebble beach every year and hang out with all the car nuts, except for the. Only to me, the difference between that is pebble beach doesn't come to us. Meaning whatever movie you're sitting in on the Symposium of will hit theaters in a couple of months, and then you can go to that movie. Like, I understand if the movie was only playing in San Diego and it was only playing this weekend, then you'd have to make the pilgrimage. But if it's coming to a theater near you, why don't you just wait and see it then?
- [27:11]
Esther Povitsky
There is sort of a thing, I guess you would say, for that it's very specific to the comic community that the anticipation of these movies, for example, is much more, almost always much better than the actual payoff movie. Almost never lives up to the hype, but the anticipation that, oh, the first five minutes are gonna be screened, you know, I'm saying, like, yeah, you'll eventually see the entire 120 minutes in about a year, you know.
- [27:33]
Bald Brian
Right. I don't understand the part where you get heavily invested in something that you're not invested in financially or even sort of. I don't know. I guess you're in it spiritually. But what I mean is, it's good to have a team to root for, but it's not good to live and die with that team. And it's Good to have a movie franchise that you enjoy, but don't get a tattoo of one of the X Men on your ass like this print. You're not getting compensated for it. You're not in on it. You don't get to go to see the director's cut. You know, the early print, you don't get. You're not part of it. You're not part of that team. You don't get to go in the locker room.
- [28:17]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, but you get equally excited about, say, the start of the NFL season because it means, you know, you're going to spend time with your friends. You have these Sunday afternoon things, and it's just sort of the. The culture and the lifestyle that you're.
- [28:29]
Bald Brian
Listen, any. You know, look, but I complain. I started complaining when Kimmel moved. I wouldn't go to San Diego. But look, either way, whatever fucking floats your boat. They're not hurting anyone. Right?
- [28:41]
Esther Povitsky
Well, the story that was tweeted to me the most, if people wanted to hear your take on this, there was a stabbing at Comic Con.
- [28:47]
Giovanni
Did you hear about this?
- [28:48]
Bald Brian
I heard about that stabbing.
- [28:49]
Esther Povitsky
Our own Logan was there. And perhaps in an excellent example of a nerd rage, a Comic Con attendee stabs another in the face with a pen at the conference on Saturday. The dispute was allegedly over the victim's attempt to save a seat for a friend before the Universal Studios panel was taking place in the 6,500 seat hall. So I don't think seats were really hard to come by.
- [29:10]
Bald Brian
Maybe they were. Well, I can tell you, I've never felt there's roid rage and then there's nerd rage. And when Jimmy and I did the man show bit where we just pulled up to the front of all the people been camped out waiting in front of the Chinese Theater to go see the fourth Star wars episode or the fifth one, whatever. Cat turd. They released the big prequel. The big prequel when we just dressed up as Darth Maul and whoever and Yoda and just pulled to the front of the line and set up base camp right in front of the guy who had his pup tent in the number one slot. They fucking freaked on us. And it is a freakish kind of. It's something I haven't felt since junior high.
- [29:52]
Esther Povitsky
Did you feel any of that this.
- [29:53]
Bald Brian
Weekend, by the way?
- [29:54]
Esther Povitsky
Because your sort of Persona, you know, is sort of a jock type that you don't. You don't mesh well, I would assume, with the nerd crowd.
- [30:01]
Bald Brian
No, I didn't know. But we slid in and Slid out.
- [30:05]
Esther Povitsky
And cover of night.
- [30:07]
Bald Brian
Yeah, we got. We were in and out of there. The only. The only problems we had was, of course, with the parking people who have all. Like I've said, everyone who gets $8 an hour and a yellow windbreaker now. Now has a license just to be a fucking spastic asshole prick. Like, we were pulling in the back of the place, trying to hook up with Maddie, and, like, Donnie turned into the wrong loading dock, and we had the. No, hey, hey. Like, here's the whole thing and let me deliver this to any of you people that have this job for a living or know anyone who has this job for a living, please tell them Adam said this. Relax. Stop being a fucking cock. People will, because they're not familiar with the lay of the land, pull occasionally into the wrong driveway or go down the wrong street or go into the wrong parking lot or structure. It's simple. We're not moving very fast. We're both in Donnie's Mini Cooper. It's not loaded with fucking C4, and we're not wearing turbines. We pulled mistakenly sort of into the wrong underground loading. Whatever. You and the fucking windbreaker need to go, excuse me. Excuse me. Not. Hey, no. Hey, no. Fucking spastic. Everyone's a fucking spaz. Like, they freak on you. Donnie was going four miles an hour, and it happened to us three times. Now, I know I'll get you mad, but we were going in the right place. We were. We had security waiting for us. Not the first one. Well, first. Oh, the first. We had the angry lesbian. Okay, Who. We started. We started to turn into just the back alley, and she, like, fucking. Right when I went to Burbank Airport to go to San Jose two weeks ago, I had Lynette drop me off, and she was just. We just pulled in front of the Burbank airport. She was dropping, and I had some fucking cunt like, no, hey, no. Hey, no. Hey, no. And then I got out of the car and I said, she's dropping me off. And she went, oh, okay. What's the fucking. Here's the deal. I understand you ass wipes have a job to do. Relax. We're not al Qaeda. Just fucking relax. Just go, hey, excuse me. I have to see your permit. Or. This area is just for pickup only or whatever it is. Don't get all fucking weird and spastic. So first we pulled in, and there's a diesel dike who was there. I thought it was a dude. And that. That chick was like, hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho. And then Donnie just Rolled the window down and said we were told to go to loading dock 31. And she went, oh, okay, I'm glad that was. And then we proceeded to go to loading dock 31, except for Donnie turned into loading dock 15 first. And of course we got the spastic dude, hey, hey. Donnie's rolling at about four miles an hour. Just put the hand up. Just hold that. Do the Heil Hitler hand. We'll stop. And then you walk over to the window and say, excuse me, you need a. Whatever permit for this. Don't get freaky. Then to put the fucking cherry on top of the fucking spaz. Sunday, we were stopped in front of the loading dock we had to get to. And Maddie, who was gonna jump into our car and take it off while Donnie and I went into Comic Con, was just standing inside the loading dock. And she's like looking at us, and we're looking at her, and she's looking at us a couple steps back, and she's just standing there. And I'm saying, why isn't she coming to our car and getting into our car and taking it so we can go walk in? We're doing a swap so we didn't have to park it. And she's just standing there looking at us. And I'm just standing and we're sitting there and I'm like, maddie, come on, get in the car so we can get out of the car. And then Donnie does. She starts backing up a little, and Donnie does the. Well, I guess we're going in. And Donnie starts to go in. And I've just been traumatized by my two. Hey, whoa. Hey, whoa. Hey, whoa. And arose. I'm like, donnie, Donnie, don't pull into the. And Donnie starts to pull in. And now we get the super spastic. We got a team that time. Yeah, team of three, by the way. We were parked in front of the thing for three minutes, going nowhere, and then started to slowly turn in. I got that. Listen, all you ass wipes, knock it off. You're fucking ruining our lives. And whoever your supervisors are, you, I'd like to fucking find all you and just fucking rape you with a mop handle. Tell your fucking asshole employees to knock it off. Tell them to fucking show some courtesy, to relax, to not be rude and spastic. Everyone here either is in the right place or at least thinks they're in the right place. And certainly all they want to do, their only agenda is to attend the affair that you're putting on. Stop freaking out. Jesus fucking Christ.
- [35:08]
Esther Povitsky
They are powered by Nerd rage. It was a mecca of nerd rage.
- [35:11]
Bald Brian
Listen, it is up to all of us to fucking shame these people and yell at them and tell them to fucking relax. They're fucking federal marshals. And fuck, 9, 11, start telling these fucking $8 an hour fucks to shut the fuck up.
- [35:25]
Esther Povitsky
Well, this story gets. It's either sad or hilarious, possibly both. But the guy was arrested while wearing a free Harry Potter T shirt that Warner Brothers had given out earlier in the day. So he was wearing the swag and he stabbed the guy with a pen.
- [35:39]
Bald Brian
When you said free Harry Potter, I thought it was a shirt that said, like, free Nelson Mandela, you know?
- [35:44]
Esther Povitsky
Exactly.
- [35:44]
Bald Brian
Yeah, yeah. All right, all right.
- [35:46]
Esther Povitsky
So that's good time. So the big news room.
- [35:47]
Bald Brian
I missed the stabbing, sadly, but with a pen.
- [35:50]
Esther Povitsky
With a pen. The guy, by the way, is the story said, was taken away. Stabbed in the eye, by the way, with a pen.
- [35:56]
Bald Brian
I told you it was mightier than the sword, dude.
- [35:59]
Johnny Pemberton
Gotcha.
- [35:59]
Bald Brian
Gotcha.
- [36:00]
Esther Povitsky
The big news from Comic Con, at least in terms of films. Avengers is a new movie due in 2012. He talked about nerds and me and people.
- [36:10]
Bald Brian
See, I thought that was the old English Avengers.
- [36:14]
Esther Povitsky
I don't know what that is.
- [36:15]
Bald Brian
Oh, so young.
- [36:16]
Esther Povitsky
So what is the old English Avengers?
- [36:18]
Bald Brian
Well, I don't mean old English. I mean, there's a show out of England called the Avengers.
- [36:23]
Esther Povitsky
Was that with Emma Peel?
- [36:24]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [36:25]
Esther Povitsky
Oh, is that the Avengers?
- [36:26]
Bald Brian
Yeah, I think it was the Avengers and then they remade it.
- [36:29]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [36:30]
Bald Brian
And.
- [36:30]
Esther Povitsky
And the. Yeah, okay, there you go. Well, the Avengers is sort of a.
- [36:33]
Bald Brian
Uma Thurman and whatever Ralphie Ray Fines was in it. Yeah, yeah.
- [36:38]
Esther Povitsky
In the remake a couple. 10 years ago.
- [36:40]
Bald Brian
Yeah, 10 years ago. But this is another Avengers.
- [36:42]
Esther Povitsky
The Avengers. This Avengers is named after. It's sort of like a less lame Super Friends. Remember that cartoon with the Batman and Superman and all that? The Avengers is a bunch of Marvel heroes. Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and others all getting together in the same movie. Now, this sort of has been rumored for a long time, many years. And they unveiled that this will actually happen with Robert Downey Jr. Of course, as Iron Man. Chris Evans. Chris Evans from the upcoming Captain America. Scarlett Johansson. Jeremy Renner, recent Oscar winner.
- [37:15]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [37:16]
Esther Povitsky
And Samuel L. Jackson and Mark Ruffalo, who they revealed will be the new Hulk.
- [37:20]
Bald Brian
Awesome. Yeah.
- [37:21]
Esther Povitsky
So you're very excited about that.
- [37:22]
Bald Brian
I've always said for the last 20 years, anyone who would listen Ruffalo would make an awesome haul.
- [37:28]
Esther Povitsky
You saw the guy coming up through Hollywood.
- [37:30]
Bald Brian
Like, listen, someday back in the probably 89, 90, I was like, that. Fucking keep an eye on that Ruffalo, you Hulk. And Ruffalo fans rejoice because he'd make an awesome Hulk.
- [37:41]
Esther Povitsky
Someday that marriage will get consummated.
- [37:42]
Bald Brian
Oh, man. Couldn't have picked a better Hulk than Ruffalo.
- [37:46]
Esther Povitsky
All right, so one cool story as it relates to comic books, but nothing not from Comic Con.
- [37:51]
Bald Brian
Born to play Hulk. I'm sure when he was doing a Shakespearean training at nyu, he thought about playing Hulk one day.
- [37:57]
Esther Povitsky
You know why I like Mark Ruffalo? Guy had a brain tumor.
- [38:00]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [38:00]
Esther Povitsky
And he beat it.
- [38:01]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [38:02]
Esther Povitsky
He's very inspiring. And now he'll be the Hulk. The third Hulk, by the way.
- [38:06]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Which means it's not going well.
- [38:08]
Esther Povitsky
Eric Bana wasn't quite the guy. And then Edward Orton chose not to come back. So now they got Mark Ruffalo.
- [38:15]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah. And then I'm also thinking of the thing, which is. What's his name?
- [38:18]
Esther Povitsky
Michael Checklist.
- [38:19]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [38:19]
Esther Povitsky
From the Fantastic Four.
- [38:21]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Not so fantastic.
- [38:23]
Esther Povitsky
Those are terrible movies, by the way. A couple facing foreclosure of their home.
- [38:28]
Bald Brian
It's weird because it's like, on one hand, Jessica Alba was in it, so it's like, how could it be bad? But on the other hand, you know, the woman does not make a bad movie.
- [38:36]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah.
- [38:37]
Bald Brian
But then somehow the stars are aligned.
- [38:40]
Esther Povitsky
In such a way.
- [38:41]
Bald Brian
I'd like to get Jessica. Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson get together and just make a fucking movie where the theater actually. The earth just opens up and swallows the theater. Like, it just ends up being a fucking black hole of entertainment where entertainment can escape. Yeah.
- [38:57]
Esther Povitsky
So a couple facing foreclosure found the collateral they desperately needed with the discovery of Action Comics number one, AKA the first issue of Superman. It was stashed away in their basement since, like, the 1950s. And this is like, the copies of this. Of this very comic book have sold for like, a million and a half bucks. So they were facing foreclosure. It's the most significant comic of all time because it was Superman's debut. They're facing foreclosure on their home. They were cleaning it out. They came across. They stumbled across what they assumed that maybe their grandfather someone had collected and stashed away years ago. Action Comics number one. Superman's debut. So they're gonna keep their house.
- [39:33]
Bald Brian
Wow.
- [39:34]
Esther Povitsky
They called a guy, they called an expert who had sort of been like a broker for these comic books in the past. He's actually sold editions of this comic, and he's like wow, you guys got yourself at least.
- [39:44]
Bald Brian
Comic book experts are the only ones who drive three cylinder geometros, by the way. Guy pulls up an 88 geometro with tinfoil over one window. Yes, I'm an expert.
- [39:54]
Esther Povitsky
That's right. You ever watch the show Pawn Stars?
- [39:59]
Bald Brian
Pawn Stars, I've seen it. These guys. I figured out a long time ago that pawn shops are the biggest rip offs in the world because I would. There was one in Pasadena, one of my boxing. When I used to work at a boxing gym and I used to go in there and I don't know the price. Like if you see a guitar for a thousand dollars or saxophone for $70. Like I don't know what a saxophone is worth, but I know what tools are worth. And I'd go in there and see like a skill high point saw that was covered in like fucking barnacles like it was under salt water for 10 years. And the price tag on it would be like $129 and the cord would be missing. And I'd like the fucking Home Depot has them for $111 in a box. How could this be? Where the fuck buy shit? I mean it's just more expensive there than it is just in a fucking, you know, Costco.
- [40:45]
Esther Povitsky
I've never been to a pawn shop. An actual for reals pawn.
- [40:48]
Bald Brian
Diciest people on the planet.
- [40:49]
Esther Povitsky
Scary. Well, anyone that tries to entice you to buy your rings, it's.
- [40:54]
Bald Brian
They're horrible people.
- [40:55]
Esther Povitsky
Scary.
- [40:56]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [40:56]
Esther Povitsky
Anyway, I thought, I thought this sort of spoke to the appeal of Pawn Stars. I love the show. It's almost like is my junk worth something? You know I'm saying. And these people thought they had a trunk full of junk. And in fact it was a quarter million dollars at least.
- [41:07]
Bald Brian
Well, a good note to go out on. We'll do the rest of the news as soon as we finish up. But we got Tom Arnold news coming up. If you don't listen, you're an anti Semite and we got. What can Adam complain about? Maybe Tom Arnold will come in here and help us with that. I'll address one call before I get. Before I bring Tom and Drew. Yeah. Adam, how's it going? What's going on, Drew?
- [41:34]
Giovanni
Not much, buddy. How are you?
- [41:35]
Bald Brian
Good to see you. Good to speak to you. Tom Arnold's coming in here.
- [41:40]
Giovanni
All right, over here.
- [41:41]
Bald Brian
Which one did I grab?
- [41:42]
Giovanni
This one to this one.
- [41:43]
Bald Brian
Doesn't matter.
- [41:44]
Giovanni
Seriously?
- [41:45]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Why would it make a difference?
- [41:47]
Giovanni
Okay.
- [41:48]
Bald Brian
All right. I just want to address Drew's question Then we'll get on with Tom and what Ken about. Go ahead, Drew. Thank you. Drew. Drew. Go, buddy. Yeah. All right. You ready for. Are you doing. Yes, I'm ready. I was fucking ready an hour ago. Go. All right. I'm fucking hanging up on your ass. I don't know why I'm irritated tonight.
- [42:12]
Giovanni
After all the time you guys were together. I love life.
- [42:14]
Bald Brian
Jesus. Are you ready? How about now? All right, here I go. He wanted to know how I could complain about pre selling copies of my book. And I just wanted to thank everyone and encourage them. My book is not out until November 2nd, but we got as high as number 11 on Amazon's bestseller list.
- [42:37]
Giovanni
Have you even written it? Have you even written it?
- [42:40]
Bald Brian
I wrote it.
- [42:41]
Giovanni
Okay. Because that'd be cool to sell it before you wrote it. Oh, I see.
- [42:44]
Bald Brian
No, it's not even printed yet. It's done.
- [42:47]
Giovanni
Yeah, I got it.
- [42:48]
Bald Brian
It's done. And the thing that's cool about the pre sales is we can get out on the New York Times bestsellers list if you guys keep buying this book. And you have been. And I just wanted to tell you that, A, it's only like 13 or 14 bucks on Amazon. B, you can keep us up at the top of the list. C, I got an email from the CEO of Crown Publishing. Whatever. And he said, not since Jon Stewart's book, which came out about five years ago, and I guess sold like two and a half million copies, has he ever seen a book rank this high on the best sellers list on Amazon so far in advance of when it came out. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And remember, if you go to AdamCarolla.com and buy the book, we will send you out a book plate, which essentially is an autograph that you can put on your book, but it's only good for the first 2,500, and I think we've sold about 1500 of those already, so you have to kind of hop on it. Now.
- [43:47]
Giovanni
Wait, November 2nd is your book. If you die before then, skyrocket.
- [43:53]
Bald Brian
Yeah, but I got to sign those book plates.
- [43:55]
Giovanni
Yeah. So died really close to that.
- [43:57]
Bald Brian
I'll be like Harry Chapin driving that vw. Oh, I always hate it when I hear it. He was playing a free concert. I hate it when somebody dies on the way. Like, I don't mind if a guy dies on his way to go to visit the Sultan of Brunei, right? To, you know, for a million bucks, to play two songs at one of his Arab buddies birthday parties. But playing a free gig.
- [44:19]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [44:19]
Bald Brian
Like at the park for the kids.
- [44:21]
Giovanni
I didn't even know he was dead until just now.
- [44:23]
Bald Brian
You didn't know? Harry feels terrible. No. 80, 81.
- [44:27]
Giovanni
Oh, my gosh. So, you know, I've been on death pools for 20 some years. You have?
- [44:31]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
- [44:32]
Giovanni
I can see now there's, I think, money involved. So I'm thinking maybe, you know, kill yourself and collide. Well, I'd like to be able to.
- [44:40]
Bald Brian
Well, I.
- [44:41]
Giovanni
For my wife.
- [44:41]
Bald Brian
If nothing else, Tom Arnold is good candidate for death pool because he's young. So it means, obviously you can't pick guys in their 80s and 90s, but.
- [44:52]
Giovanni
People are picking me when I was 29.
- [44:54]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Because of the drugs, right?
- [44:55]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [44:55]
Bald Brian
And the self destruct.
- [44:56]
Giovanni
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [44:57]
Bald Brian
Plus, I guess people were figuring Rosie put a hit on you, right?
- [45:01]
Giovanni
Well, that probably is true.
- [45:03]
Bald Brian
I mean, do you ever think she's ever really, for just a fleeting moment, I could have him killed?
- [45:08]
Giovanni
She did do this. She's in Wicca, which is apparently like a witch's thing. And she did have a doll made. And then kill the. You know, to kill me. But apparently it didn't work.
- [45:19]
Bald Brian
But. But she kind of would. When there were times.
- [45:24]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [45:24]
Bald Brian
When she wouldn't have minded if you got hit by a trolley.
- [45:27]
Giovanni
Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure. Right now, right now, at this moment.
- [45:31]
Bald Brian
Right.
- [45:32]
Giovanni
Right now. I just saw on the sports thing, it was 20 years ago tonight that she sang a national anthem and did the.
- [45:38]
Bald Brian
At San Diego. San Diego Stadium. Yeah.
- [45:41]
Giovanni
And they won, by the way. That Padres, they should have kept her singing for the whole.
- [45:44]
Bald Brian
That. I remember that being a. Everybody was outraged because she did the spit and the crotch grab and everything.
- [45:49]
Giovanni
But here's the story. Here's a good husband story. And this is a good husband. I may have told this before, but she sang. I begged her not to sing it. I said, you know, that's a hard. You know, but there's so many. You know, there's only so many battles you could win as a husband, but once your wife decides they're gonna do something, you got to be on board. You got.
- [46:05]
Bald Brian
You were next. You were on the fence.
- [46:07]
Giovanni
I begged her to pre record it. I said, Barbara Streisand, pre records. It's a hard song, honey. Seriously.
- [46:11]
Bald Brian
And then leaps lip syncs to it.
- [46:13]
Giovanni
Yeah, yeah. That's what people do. She said, no, I'm gonna do whatever. Anyway, so she did that. And then they were like, you probably want to get out of here? And I was like, no, I got to throw out the first pitch after, right? I stayed. I said, cause I'll never be allowed to baseball field again as long as I live. So. But we got on the plane and the 20 minute flight, she was so depressed. I was like, what's wrong? She goes, oh, it's terrible. They're booing. I go, you see, that's what you. That you don't go to baseball games like I do. That's a. That's a sign of endearment. She goes, really? I go, yeah. In fact. But there were people cheering, too, honey. She's like, really? I heard a couple. I go, yeah, a couple. There was a lot. So in the 20 minute flight, I had her convinced by the time we landed it.
- [46:49]
Bald Brian
Great, right?
- [46:50]
Giovanni
That's what a good husband does, right?
- [46:52]
Bald Brian
But then she turned on the news.
- [46:53]
Giovanni
Well, no, no, they were waiting because the president said it was a disgrace, right? And the whole story is they're waiting at the airport. And then they. It was before TMZ and all these people, and they were. As we were walking through, and she was not a. But she's like five foot tall. She's not big. And, you know, they were bumping into her with their cameras on purpose. Like, seriously, like.
- [47:12]
Bald Brian
I mean, they're like, almost trying to nudge her.
- [47:14]
Giovanni
Yeah, yeah, they were.
- [47:14]
Bald Brian
They were.
- [47:15]
Giovanni
And then she said, get up, honey. Which, you know, you got to do if you're the husband, no matter what the circumstance. Hopefully it's not too. So I. There was three guys out of the whole mob that were really bad. I chased them down through lax, down the escalator, down to ticketing, tackled them all, broke their cameras, did a couple things like this. And then I saw her behind me, you know, giving me. You know, I'm her hero. So I felt great about that.
- [47:39]
Bald Brian
Right?
- [47:40]
Giovanni
And then, unfortunately, there was a fourth guy, and you could Google this, who was taking pictures of the whole assault, unfortunately. So I got arrested and. But I had the best case in the world because my wife was assaulted by them physically. And so I remember my lawyer put her on the stand and said, tell the jury, Roseanne, what happened? And she went. I couldn't really see. And my lawyer went, can we take a recess? And I, literally, 48 hours later, had an orange jumpsuit on. On the 405, picking up McDonald's wrappers. That's a good husband.
- [48:10]
Bald Brian
Why the fuck didn't she say I was being assaulted?
- [48:13]
Giovanni
She was going through her thing, and she was different. You know, she had the. She supported me through the alcoholism, majority Because I supported her through the multiple personality disorder by picking up trash on the. But, you know, as a husband, you get those situations where a wife will say, promise me you won't do anything. Yeah. Which it's probably she can't keep. But that guy over there stuck his finger up my ass. And then you're like, oh, my God. You look over there and you pray it's the old white guy and not Suge Knight and the other guys, because you're, you know, you're gonna die, but you gotta do something because it's your freaking wife.
- [48:44]
Bald Brian
I saw you on TMZ about a week ago talking about Lindsey Lohan. Speaking of tmz, and I thought you brought up a pretty good point, which was, prison's not a great place to detox.
- [48:56]
Giovanni
No, it's a horrible place. It's. You. Any place is bad to detox that doesn't have something to help you. And if she is, in fact, a serious addict, you can't, you know, you'll be kicking. It's horrible.
- [49:10]
Bald Brian
Well, I just think she was allowed to be on what seemed like just a laundry list of prescriptions.
- [49:16]
Giovanni
I know. That's amazing. They didn't even have those drugs when I was using. I mean, that's some of the things I've said.
- [49:22]
Bald Brian
You have to do that joint.
- [49:23]
Giovanni
No, I. I. No, I just, you know, I knew. Yeah. I just think.
- [49:28]
Bald Brian
I mean, like, Dr. Drew hates methadone.
- [49:32]
Giovanni
Yeah. I don't like it either. Methadone, I don't like that. Or Suboxone or anything.
- [49:36]
Bald Brian
And he just thinks you're sort of substituting one thing for.
- [49:39]
Giovanni
You literally are substituting one thing for another, and then you got to get off that.
- [49:43]
Bald Brian
Right. And so what are your feelings on sobriety? I mean, here's what I would say.
- [49:47]
Giovanni
Or how do you do it, you know? Well, no, because you could, you know, have seizures. I think if people depending on. For my experience, you go just kind of step down and, you know, doctor supervised. You know, you don't just. If you're taking. Because I know guys that are taking 80 Vicodin a day.
- [50:05]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [50:05]
Giovanni
You don't just stop or whatever it is as addicts or whatever it is. You step down and you've doctor supervised having somebody in control of the medication. And that's just my recommendation. There's experts that know a lot more than me, and Dr. Drew is one. And I've called him a million times. About a million people, in fact. I got him a client about three weeks ago. I was doing a Show at the Laugh Factory. And all of a sudden, in the middle of my show, Janice Dickinson walked in wasted. And she said, tell about the time we fucking. And I was like, hey, my wife's here. My in laws, they're in from out of town. And then she started talking about my penis. I said, no, no, no. She goes, want to hear about Sly's penis? And I'd be like, no. She goes, what was it like to froze Anne? I go, let's talk about Sly's penis.
- [50:50]
Bald Brian
Did you ever. Janice dicks?
- [50:51]
Giovanni
I know, I never even, you know, I've known her for a long time. I never did that. I never anybody. But anyway, then the next doctor Drew.
- [51:00]
Bald Brian
You know, gobbled up, she's in the new.
- [51:03]
Giovanni
She's a nice person. I mean, you could just, you know.
- [51:05]
Bald Brian
Drew, Drew, Drew off the air last week, he said, oh, this season. Oh, yeah, this is a good one. And I said, oh, well, you just started, right? Because you just got Rachel. You could tell, right? And he said, oh, no, we've had her for a while. It just came out that she's doing the show now. So they're. They're knee deep into that. But Tom, when I was talking to him at Jimmy Kimmel's when he was having the Howard Stern star studded event, was basically telling me that he was a sort of a crusader for soap. Finding fucked up people getting in, like what Simon Wiesenthal was to hunting down Nazi war criminals. That's what he is for guys that are high.
- [51:45]
Giovanni
No, I think, you know, I think.
- [51:47]
Bald Brian
I mean, no, people always. Am I exaggerating?
- [51:50]
Giovanni
Well, I mean, I. I think it. Part of it is I'm mad that I can't be. And so I. Yeah, and so I do. I've done a lot of interventions, and some of them have been fairly violent.
- [52:00]
Bald Brian
But you were telling us I was too drunk and high to remember, ironically, but sitting outside with Ben Stiller, I think, and his wife. And I was having fun with Ben Stiller because I told him, hey, you know, Ben, many years ago, when I was installing closets for a living, back in the, you know, late 80s, probably like 88, I installed a closet into some woman's house. And she said, hey, you know, we're talking about comedy. And I said, yeah, I want to do comedy. And she said, there's this really funny video of this guy named Ben Stiller. And it was him doing the Tom Cruise hustling character, except for instead of hustling pool, he was bowling. It was Ben Stiller done Up like Tom Cruise and doing the whole thing. You guys probably seen that video at some. Someplace at some point, at some time. And the fun I was having with Ben Stiller, as I said, and he was like. He was. You could tell he appreciated. It's like, wow. He saw that way back then. And then I paused. I went, so, what have you done since then? And I kept saying, are you still doing those bowling videos or what business. What line did you get into? Eventually, stuff like that somehow got a laugh about it. But Tom was explaining to Ben and his beautiful wife and myself.
- [53:14]
Giovanni
Christine.
- [53:15]
Bald Brian
Yeah, Christine Taylor. What celebrity did you say you like, you know, like, physically assaulted and took.
- [53:22]
Giovanni
Hey. This was in private conversation.
- [53:24]
Bald Brian
Oh, sorry.
- [53:26]
Giovanni
Yeah. Well, I'll tell you later. Well, I know.
- [53:31]
Bald Brian
Let me just say this wasn't there a mistake.
- [53:33]
Giovanni
Oh, yeah. I could tell this because it was.
- [53:34]
Bald Brian
It was in the paper. Sorry about that.
- [53:36]
Giovanni
Okay. My. The first time, when I first got sober 20 years ago, I. I saw everybody out doing good things for people, and I thought, I want to go out and be a hero and help be. So I read in the national choir that Peter Criss, the drummer for Kiss, was a drug addict living under the Santa Monica Pier. And so I lived in Brentwood at the time. I drove down there and I found him, you know, because they were all. He sort of had a posse even then, of other homeless guys, and if I paid him 20 bucks, they'd show me where he was.
- [54:03]
Bald Brian
The band was called Piss. So I got him some bunch of guys just smelled like yarn. Yeah.
- [54:06]
Giovanni
And I take him out of there, and I couldn't find a rehab at that time. I wasn't as locked in with rehabs, and so it was gonna take a couple days. And he was messed up. I mean, he was like. Had alcohol in the brain, and he was. So I got him a little motel room on Ocean, and then I'd have to go down there every two or three hours with my bat and kick all the junkies out of there that he'd invited up there. And then the middle of this woman called, who'd read about it in a paper, too, and said, I'm his girlfriend from Boston. I want to fly about here. I said, no, no, no. He's so sick, I think he could die. I was taking him around to meetings and stuff, you know, with my windows down in the car, but he was sick. But I thought, I'm doing this good thing, right? And I said, no. And then I went to pick him up to take him to a really good Hardcore rehab. And he was gone. And the hotel manager said a limo had picked him up. And five hours later, this woman called me from Boston. She got him a ticket, took him away from me. And she goes, oh, my God. He's in my living room, he's throwing up, and he's not Peter Chris. And I realized, oh, see, he wore cat makeup.
- [55:04]
Bald Brian
Sure. Yeah.
- [55:05]
Giovanni
I was in the Kiss army, you know, and it never occurred to me that he wasn't. And so now I realize he's just a homeless junkie, and now he really needs help, you know. So I called him.
- [55:15]
Bald Brian
He wanted to party every day, but not rock and roll. You didn't get the guy who did the rock and roll at night.
- [55:20]
Giovanni
But I was an ass. I assume it's Peter Chris, my hero. And then the real Peter Chris came forward.
- [55:25]
Bald Brian
I think the guys just got laid saying they're a kid.
- [55:27]
Giovanni
Exactly. But the real Peter Chris came forward. He hadn't talked to Gene Simmons for 10 years. They ended up reuniting. I mean, he was pissed at first because he's never done drugs his life. But, you know, they had Gene, you know, Peter Chris, the real Peter Chris, okay? And so him and Gene, you know, they bonded again. And then. So that was a happy ending. And then the guy, the real guy named Chris Dickinson, who was the homeless guy, actually got help from, because I didn't know anybody from Boston, so I thought, who lives in Boston? Aerosmith.
- [55:54]
Bald Brian
Sure.
- [55:54]
Giovanni
So I called those guys. That sounds stupid, you know. Who else would you call?
- [55:58]
Bald Brian
Right?
- [55:58]
Giovanni
They were kind. Were so kind. They took this home with this guy and got him some help. That was my first. Now I check out to make sure the person is the person.
- [56:06]
Bald Brian
Right?
- [56:07]
Giovanni
You know, instead of randomly just Tom.
- [56:10]
Bald Brian
You know, Tom's got a motor in him, and I think he has the. You have the attic motor. Like, I see it all the time. I have a dear friend named Chris, and his foot is tapping all the time, his knees popping.
- [56:28]
Giovanni
He's not high.
- [56:29]
Bald Brian
He's got a motor. And it's like a motor. And it's a guy who will smoke a cigarette while drinking a cup of coffee, while lighting another cigarette off the last cigarette while drinking another cup of coffee at 10 o' clock at night.
- [56:42]
Giovanni
Like it's a cake.
- [56:43]
Bald Brian
And it's so funny. The thing that's crazy about these guys is nobody needs nicotine or caffeine any more than these guys. I mean, they got enough going through their body, and it's like they're fucking. It's like strapping a Supercharger onto a turbocharger onto a jug of rock star. But they're constantly like tap tapping and it's. I don't know what it is. I don't know. Now they get sober and now they're not high anymore, but they still got the foot tapping. Right. And they still have the energy.
- [57:15]
Giovanni
When I did a lot of cocaine, I. It calmed me down really. And it made me feel like, you know, because sometimes you, when you're young, I was on Ritalin and then. So you, at a certain age, you're supposed to grow out of that. Your body chemistry changes. But now, even now, caffeine will calm me down or, you know.
- [57:33]
Bald Brian
Right.
- [57:33]
Giovanni
And I have to be very careful on every. I mean, I could be addicted to anything.
- [57:37]
Bald Brian
No, I, I remember, I remember back in the day when Tom Arnold smoked cigars.
- [57:43]
Giovanni
Oh, yeah.
- [57:44]
Bald Brian
And he smoked a cigar like he was trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Like he just like, you know, most guys smoke a cigar for sort of affect, just so you know they're the boss man. Right. Or they're like George Burns, where it's never even really lit. They're just talking the whole time. Tom smoked the fuck out of that cigar. I've never seen a guy smoke cigar.
- [58:05]
Giovanni
Arnold would smoke us like a. Slow down, man, slow down. I go, why? And I could smoke a whole cigar. And a three minute commercial break on the best dance sports show. John Crock would smoke a cigarette and I smoke a whole Cohiba Robusto. You had to have, you have to suck so hard. It's, it's insane, it's stupid. And you don't enjoy anything in life.
- [58:26]
Bald Brian
It's like trying to burn through one of those Sterno logs in three minutes. Like they're meant to go for six hours. Three minutes. Like that's a Tom. Yes. I realize you would take that energy.
- [58:38]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [58:38]
Bald Brian
And you would sort of dump it into anything. And I guess it's good to dump into your work. It's probably not great for your relationship.
- [58:46]
Giovanni
It's hard. You have to, you know.
- [58:49]
Bald Brian
But essentially you have a metronome that's just tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And how do you slow that down?
- [58:56]
Giovanni
Well, you know, this is the best thing in my life is, Is for a change, my relationship, which is in the past of my life, it's always been about, oh, work and then, you know, whatever, and just work as much as I can and then the relationship is whatever. And I think I always had a, you know, if we build it they will come attitude towards relationships, like, oh, it'll get right. You know, eventually they'll have that family. And in this case, with Ashley, it's the other way around. So, like, this year, I decided I'm going to take this year, be in town and try to have a baby. You're the baby. Right. You know, because here I am. I've never had kids. Some of my friends have grandkids, and I missed out on this big part of life.
- [59:37]
Bald Brian
Sure.
- [59:38]
Giovanni
The black ones, so. Yeah, exactly. And the Iowa ones, so, you know, I really have to be careful about that. She's well aware of that. And it is very, you know, says, you know, I can't be a part. You're, you know, you're. You act addictive to everything. We. We don't have cake in our house or anything.
- [59:55]
Bald Brian
You'll eat the whole cake that night.
- [59:56]
Giovanni
Yeah, I literally would. And, you know, I just had to be more, you know, be cognizant of that. And in my time with her, I have to be, you know, on top of it, and I have to listen and not space out.
- [60:07]
Bald Brian
And if you ever tried, you know, I mean, meditations and pasta.
- [60:11]
Giovanni
No, I've tried that. I have.
- [60:12]
Bald Brian
I know. I've tried it.
- [60:13]
Giovanni
I have tried it all. I've tried it all. The breathing, the meditation, you know, I journal. I. You know, I do get to a place where it's peaceful. Really, Believe it or not. Yeah. I like Hank. I like. With her. I get at home. It's my favorite.
- [60:27]
Bald Brian
Are you happy?
- [60:28]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [60:28]
Bald Brian
Are you happier than you've been in the past?
- [60:30]
Giovanni
Yeah. I mean, I'm happy. I still have that, you know, fear of failure constantly. And, you know, if I want to ensure, you know, I Google my name and it's guaranteed. But she does it. She feels solid that I would be solid, and she believes in me. And so I decided just to take her word for it on a daily basis, and then, you know, whatever. She might be crazy, but I'm gonna take her word for it that it's gonna be okay.
- [60:56]
Bald Brian
I think Tom, by the way, I'll try to take this in the spirit in which it's intended. I think for a while, you were just Roseanne's husband, and you're sort of in on her coattails, and whatever the truth actually was, that's how you were perceived.
- [61:12]
Giovanni
That's true.
- [61:12]
Bald Brian
But. But at a certain point, I think Thomas sort of turned the corner because Tom is actually one of these guys where people bring up Tom's name and then go, he's actually pretty funny. Like you're trying to convince me. Like, I was gonna start a fight with him if they said you were funny. And I always say he is. He's always a great guest and he's always fast and he's always hand. He's always a handsome. Because it's looking up at something that said it for some reason made me think of it. No, he's forthright. And that's what I love about Tom. Like, total open book and then spontaneous. Actually, Tom, you'd be good in radio.
- [61:48]
Giovanni
Well, I was thinking about that, because that could be home. And I was also thinking that Ashley came up with this for a show. Tell me what you think. Say it to my face. It's where. Because I just got back from Detroit and I was at the airport getting my luggage, and Ashley is big on the Twitter, and she goes, someone just Twitter. I'm at the airport getting my luggage and Tom Arnold's here, and he looks terrible. And I said, twitter back. Say it to my face, motherfucker. And so she Twitters back on my account. Please come up and introduce yourself. Which isn't what I said to say because I scanned that whole group of people. I thought this is the one time. Because people write shit about me all the time.
- [62:21]
Bald Brian
Sure, sure.
- [62:21]
Giovanni
I said, they're right here, right now. Just say it. I just want to. And so I think you get a show where people say. Because people make out, that's all they do is criticize people, you know, blindly. And then. And they don't have a name to it or a face to it. And. And then what? What if they showed up at their door?
- [62:40]
Bald Brian
It's really weird. It's a good idea.
- [62:42]
Giovanni
I mean, they might be right. I might. I'm sure I look terrible, by the way.
- [62:44]
Bald Brian
Well, you don't look great, but it don't look terrible. You look like Tom Arnold. I mean, let's go back to Detroit. You don't look terrible for Tom Arnold.
- [62:51]
Giovanni
No, that's the thing. I've never looked good.
- [62:54]
Bald Brian
You look terrible. But you're. No, you look fine. I think you're fine. I like your frames, too. The point is, there's something interesting that's going on from a societal standpoint, which is we, from a sociological standpoint or an evolutionary standpoint, have not lost the ability to have our feelings hurt by mean things being said to us, but through technology, have made it now possible for everyone around the world to say horrible things about us anonymously. Right. So the only thing that really stood in the way of people saying horrible things about you is you standing in the way.
- [63:31]
Giovanni
Right.
- [63:31]
Bald Brian
They literally would. I mean, back in the day, they would have to physically come up to you and say it to you. At a certain point, they could send you a letter and then a telegraph, and then they would pick up the telephone, but it was still their voice saying it to you. And you had to know who they were. And then if you didn't know who they were, well, then it was just academic.
- [63:52]
Giovanni
Right.
- [63:52]
Bald Brian
Because the only thing they could do is write that you were a whore on the wall of a subway. Right. That was about it. Now you can go online and read all sorts of horrible things. And by the way, lies, like, you know, you can read that. I saw Adam at the Chicago o' Hare airport the other day, and he told me to fuck off.
- [64:10]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [64:11]
Bald Brian
I wasn't even in Chicago yesterday. So our ability to have our feelings hurt is still where it was. And at the turn of the century, you know. Yeah, not the last one, but the one before that. But the technology is in full ass kick mode.
- [64:26]
Giovanni
Right.
- [64:26]
Bald Brian
And it's weird psychologically. I don't know what we're gonna do about this because it's still like, what you have to do is you have to shield yourself from it.
- [64:35]
Giovanni
Right. I'm not supposed to Google my own name. I've been told by everybody that cares about me not to do that. There's something.
- [64:44]
Bald Brian
I would take that as a bad side, too. I don't think Captain Sully has to do that, by the way.
- [64:49]
Giovanni
Right.
- [64:50]
Bald Brian
Do not Google your name, Cappy. Whatever happens.
- [64:53]
Giovanni
But I'm sure there's somebody out there that's a big enough asshole that said bad things about him. I'm so. It's just. And I want to know what I did, you know, If I did something, somebody. I'd like to make amends. I like to say if I didn't say hi, I was walking or didn't hear him or whatever. But if there's. If they're. Apparently I committed the ultimate crime, which was marrying somebody who was talented and looked a lot like me, like somebody I should marry. Like, we look like a couple, you know, which is worse than murder or anything else. And that was 20 some years ago.
- [65:23]
Bald Brian
And I think it's. It's. It's insane because you walk through Tom's native Iowa, and you see plenty of couples that have about the same shape and they both work at the same poultry.
- [65:35]
Giovanni
Those are the thin ones, right? No, seriously, I don't.
- [65:39]
Bald Brian
No one says why did he marry her or why did she marry him? We can see they're the size of their ass. Why they married each other. Yeah. Yeah. There is a definite double standard there. And now, how is Roseanne? Do you speak?
- [65:53]
Giovanni
I haven't talked. I mean, it's been over 16 years since I've talked to her. I mean, I don't know.
- [65:57]
Bald Brian
Is there bad blood?
- [65:58]
Giovanni
I don't know that there. I mean, in my mind, it was like, you know, I knew her when I was. I met her when I was 23. Where started before she was even famous. I respected her and I thought she was awesome. She. She actually thought I was funny, which was. Is, if you want to get a guy to fall for you, that's what you're gonna say. And. And, you know, she did give me all these opportunities. The marriage part was okay. And then it got so crazy because it came about something else. But I honestly thought, well, we'll become. We'll be friends after this is all over because I got to be a stepfather for five years. And I have a lot of gratitude for her, for, you know, I'm alive because of her. And. But she never got over, you know. She's never got over it.
- [66:40]
Bald Brian
Is she. I've always had a theory about her, which is I don't think she's going to work that much from that point on or this point on. I think she could talented, but I think she's nuts and probably may have too much f you money put away. I mean, when you have a bunch of fu money put away, this town's a pain in the ass. You have to listen to a bunch of assholes that don't know shit. And you have to basically take your ego and sort of ball it up and shove it in the glove box of your truck. And if you have a whole bunch of FU money, it's no different than working at McDonald's. How long are you gonna stand behind that grill with some asshole yelling at you? Time to lean. Time to clean. Before you go, you know what? Fuck it. I got a Bentley in the parking lot in the house up on the hill.
- [67:24]
Giovanni
There's two things. One is every time like this Mel Gibson thing, it comes up and it comes up how much his wife got and the divorce, and they have the divorce list of how many people got. And I see Tom Arnold got $75 million from Roseanne and people actually write that as his fact. And then I feel like everybody I see, I have to go up to and say, I'm not the asshole that took $75 million for my wife. And then they go, oh, you're the asshole that didn't take it. You didn't take it. I go, no. Oh, that's stupid. But there's that. And then with Roseanne, I think it's. She. She's the kind of talent that needs someone to say no to her once in a while or, hey, let's, you know, an editor.
- [68:00]
Bald Brian
They go to work with her.
- [68:01]
Giovanni
Yeah. And I think if that's probably what I did. And except for the national anthem. And it worked. It worked well when we worked together because, you know, she had all this great talent, but everybody needs a little something, you know, I feel.
- [68:18]
Bald Brian
Tell me if I'm being a dick. I feel like she was a. Thank you. A right place, right time person. That she's funny and talented, but not so funny and so talented that she's going to overcome whatever she has to overcome and come back with another big sitcom or big movie career or anything like that.
- [68:38]
Giovanni
Well, she seems like she doesn't want to be. Like she wants to be taken seriously and politically, and that's a bad move in my opinion. My humble opinion, Instead of just doing what you do best and that, you know. You know, everybody could have our opinions, and we could vote the way we want to vote. We could defend it. We could raise money for charity, and we could do all this. But I think she wants to be taken seriously as a. Some kind of spokesman for whatever, and she's, you know, she takes both sides. It's. It's confusing. And I think that she did. She was at a good place, Right place, right time. But everybody that succeeds is. And it did help. Here's the problem. She never got created by. For her own show.
- [69:17]
Bald Brian
Right.
- [69:18]
Giovanni
And that set a tone from then on. She felt fucked over by everybody, and she wanted more. Like just being a star of the number one show was not enough. She had to eventually, you know, direct it or be this or be that or whatever. So instead of being happy with this massive success she got for a woman that lived in a trailer with three kids.
- [69:36]
Bald Brian
Right.
- [69:37]
Giovanni
She was never happy. She had to be whatever. And so maybe she wants to be president of the United States or whatever. I mean, it's crazy.
- [69:44]
Bald Brian
How old is RoseAnne now?
- [69:46]
Giovanni
She's seven years older than me, which is old. I don't know. Is she 57? I think something like that. But I. But. But, you know, like, I say, she, you know, she. If she focused on not being. I don't know. I'm not going to tell her what to do. She. She said. She said, whatever. But, you know, if you find what you're good at, you try to stick with that.
- [70:09]
Bald Brian
And that's what I. I feel like she's. I, I don't. I see. I never felt like she was a great comedic mind. I felt like she was very good at what she. She did, which is very good. I mean, that's. You make millions and millions of dollars. You know, Michael Jackson was very good at what he did. Right. And she was very good at what she did. I didn't see her as this overall comedic presence who could have been directing, writing, starring and doing a sitcom, doing drama, doing whatever. I saw her as that character. And she definitely. And doing stand up, obviously, and she definitely found a way to. She's 57, by the way, to make a shitload of money doing that. And it seems like if that's what she wants to do, that's what she should.
- [70:55]
Giovanni
That was. And, you know, when I saw her in 1983, I went, wow, this person is freaking talented. I mean, on stage at this club in Minneapolis, I remember thinking, wow, she's. You know, and then to take that into a series and then surround yourself with great actors who you can learn from and a bunch of great writers and people. But really, it was her voice. It was that success.
- [71:17]
Bald Brian
So it was like 1982. You're a catch. A rising cunt.
- [71:22]
Giovanni
Yeah. A comedy gallery.
- [71:23]
Bald Brian
A comedy gallery, yeah. And you're performing there. Yeah.
- [71:27]
Giovanni
I opened up for her. She was. She'd lived at Denver.
- [71:30]
Bald Brian
Tom, by the way, speaking of comedy, every Wednesday night at the Hollywood Laugh Factory hosts the comedy show Laughing with the Stars. Also, he's taping a special that's going to air when it will be aired, I should say on Showtime now. When are you going to.
- [71:46]
Giovanni
This is this next Friday. And I want everybody to come down. This will be great. I really appreciate it. If you come next Friday at 8 at the California Theater, which is in San Bernardino, and you could get information by www.californiatheater.net. and it's part of a big comedy festival. They have it down there. And this is my first. You know, I've done HBO specials before, but this is my first pure standout special. You'll hear all these stories and more.
- [72:14]
Bald Brian
And how big a venue is California Theater there?
- [72:17]
Giovanni
I don't know. It's a theater. I heard it's nice. I hope it. I hope. I hope people come. I think they will.
- [72:24]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [72:26]
Giovanni
You know, but it'll be. It's It'll be a fun show, I promise you that.
- [72:29]
Bald Brian
That's. That's July 30th.
- [72:31]
Giovanni
Yes, July 30th at 8:00 is my show and please come down. And then, by the way, I just got something for you. They got something called the Maui Celebrity series. You got to book yourself on this. They fly to Maui and you do a little show. You might want to. You could do this show there and then, you know, it's a really nice vacation. They put you up at the Ritz, Carlson, everything. And it's great. And you make. And it helps support Maui, the community.
- [72:58]
Bald Brian
I called hawaiian stupid about 10 years ago in Loveline and they ban me from the island.
- [73:03]
Giovanni
I talked to the guy, Brian Evans of books that he said book yet?
- [73:06]
Bald Brian
He would.
- [73:06]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [73:07]
Bald Brian
Good.
- [73:07]
Giovanni
And they got all these people. I'm there December 30th. But you've got all these great people coming in and you could. Can I say their website real quick? I printed up on this piece of paper here. It's www.themauiselebrityseries.com and you can see all these great people.
- [73:25]
Bald Brian
Listen in my behalf. I just said close your eyes and think of all the great inventions that have come out of Hawaii over the years.
- [73:36]
Giovanni
But I think they're all right. Surfboard.
- [73:41]
Bald Brian
All right, they've heard it. Surfboard.
- [73:44]
Giovanni
Bahama Mama. No, that's Bahama.
- [73:46]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [73:47]
Giovanni
Well, yeah, that's a. You got trouble for that?
- [73:49]
Bald Brian
Well, I took it a little step further, but I'm sure you did, you know. Yeah, I like to elaborate. You know, I did a two hour radio show. Time to kill. All right, let's do a little. What can Adam complain about? Tom Arnold can jump in on this. This is.
- [74:01]
Giovanni
And come down to the. The California Theater, please. And I'll. I'll do whatever you want.
- [74:06]
Bald Brian
There you go. Wanna do it stuff.
- [74:09]
Giovanni
The world is full of it and.
- [74:11]
Bald Brian
One man can complain about it all this is what can't Adam complain about. All right, Mark, what do you got? Hey, how you doing? Good. Mark, what can I complain about? Actually, you know, I've got kind of a choice. There's one thing I called in to see if you could complain about. But I've got a secret thing that you definitely could not complain about. This is why I picked you, Mark.
- [74:41]
Giovanni
What is it, man? Say it again, what is it? Well, actually, you could either complain about.
- [74:48]
Bald Brian
Saving animals or contributing to fall. Brian's treatment. Okay, time has passed. Well, I'll. I'll do a little on each. The Savings.
- [75:00]
Giovanni
And no offense to Braul Brian, because I actually contributed. By the way, I worked at Hormel for three years, so we saved all those animals, right? In livestock until we got done with them.
- [75:09]
Bald Brian
You say saving animals. You mean like adopting them? Saving them. Rescuing them.
- [75:15]
Giovanni
You know, your call.
- [75:16]
Bald Brian
Okay, well, I don't like when all the ass wipes say, she's a rescue. By the way. You know, people who get their dogs at a puppy mill never go, I bought my puppy. They just go, this is my dog. No one asked where you got the dog. Like, I never say to someone, where did you get the dog? I say, what's the dog's name and what kind of dog it is? I would love some sort of. I would love a large black man in a black turtleneck and a black blazer. The guy who stands in front of the club with the little clicker that counts. So the tells the fire marshal how many. How many people have come into the club. I'd like them to follow around just one a hole from Hollywood for one week and say. And just click that thing every time the person said to somebody, she's a rescue. Yeah, we get it. You're a hero. It's not raid on Entebbe. You didn't report hell down from a Huey. You got a free dog from Pasadena. You didn't do a shoulder roll, set off some concussion grenades, and go in through the front door.
- [76:16]
Giovanni
Y.
- [76:16]
Bald Brian
No time for backup. I went to the mall and spent 500 for my dog. You got yours for free, but you're a hero now. And they just, she's a rescue. And by the way, I never say, is she a rescue or where did you get her? I just go, what's the dog's name? And they go, her name is Sandy. She's a. No, what you're saying is I'm a hero. Yeah, just say, you're a hero. Say you're better. Because when they say she's a rescue, what they're saying is, is I rescued her, not a fireman pulled her out of a tenement slum and then gave her to me. I rescued her. These are the same fucking people that say, donated the egg. I donated my eggs. You got 5,000 for your eggs when you sold them online to get through.
- [77:02]
Giovanni
College or $35 for your sperm.
- [77:04]
Bald Brian
And yes, you donated. You did not donate it. You sold your eggs and your dog is a freebie.
- [77:12]
Giovanni
Right?
- [77:12]
Bald Brian
It's kind of interesting. It's like, the egg was not free. The egg was sold, yet the dog was free. So I don't like the rescue. Rescue, rescue. Unless you physically rescue that.
- [77:23]
Giovanni
I got a plan B. A B. What if a worm was going to go extinct if they didn't build this dam, that millions of people needed the water for the dam, but this worm would go extinct that we don't even know about it? As a weird name, would you care about the worm going extinct?
- [77:37]
Bald Brian
No, I don't give a shit about that. Stuff is here and then stuff dies. Yeah, I'm fine with that. We don't think how many new worms.
- [77:45]
Giovanni
Are being created in the Gulf of Mexico right now because the oil, right? I mean, companies like bp, and then it's nuclear energy that spills, that creates all kinds of new life forms.
- [77:54]
Bald Brian
Look, there were many things on this planet that were here and they're no longer here and they're gone. And it wasn't because whitey interfered. It's just they had a cycle, right?
- [78:07]
Giovanni
Right.
- [78:08]
Bald Brian
Much like a tube sock or your underpants. They were around for a while and now they're gone.
- [78:12]
Giovanni
Right?
- [78:13]
Bald Brian
What the that have to do with us? And I don't give a if it happens other species either, right? And even if it happens, the good ones, like elephants and giraffes, we got pictures.
- [78:23]
Giovanni
Yeah, I know what they look like.
- [78:24]
Bald Brian
It's not like, oh, giraffes are extinct. How am I going to get to work? It doesn't really affect anything, does it? It's gone. Yeah. One more weird thing that doesn't really like us. All right, what else was there, though? Bald brine. What? What? In your. In your benefit? Yeah.
- [78:42]
Esther Povitsky
How could you complain about helping me out? I guess.
- [78:45]
Bald Brian
I guess I can't. I guess the fact that you took all the money that we got you and went to Italy for a shopping spree, I guess that's about the only complaint.
- [78:54]
Esther Povitsky
I did blow it all on lotto yesterday.
- [78:57]
Bald Brian
A lot of people blow it on the lotto. He blew it on gelato. All right. How dare you try to get me to complain about Paul Bryant toenails. Yeah, really. We make too big a deal about animals and them being extinct. And by the way, people as well. Who gives a shit? There were people that were around. Great people. What about them? Romans? Yeah, they were doing fine and now they're gone. Right. And there's a couple other ones who replaced them and they're not so good. No, Right. Maybe the real ones should have just fucking taken the recipe with them. Hey, Brendan. Yeah.
- [79:30]
Giovanni
What's up?
- [79:31]
Bald Brian
What can I complain about? Well, first of all, I want to say thank you for your show last night.
- [79:36]
Giovanni
We had a great time down in San Diego.
- [79:37]
Bald Brian
Oh, thanks for coming, buddy. Your sign language interpreter was awesome. Yeah. Oh, boy, that's what I can complain about. Something funny? I did a show at the House of Blues on Saturday night in San Diego. Awesome venue, great town. Sold the place out. And it's really, really bitching because the. The way the balcony goes up in the House of Blues, it's really like the. You're in the round almost and, you know, standing room only. Awesome time. I've done 60 of these things. I noticed out of the right corner of my eye, halfway into it, a chick wearing a black turtleneck signing.
- [80:15]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [80:16]
Bald Brian
I said, what is she doing? Signing. Because now I've done a lot of colleges, and when you do colleges, they have a signer because colleges are politically correct. They have tons of fucking money because they just overcharge. And the student union just goes it. Yeah, we'll. We'll pay this comedian to come out and do his thing and we'll have the signing. There's no one ever. I've never noticed. I've 3,000 people in the audience. I never saw one person looking at her. They're always looking at me. And if they're looking at me, it means they're not deaf, because they'd be looking at her.
- [80:48]
Giovanni
They could probably still hear you because.
- [80:49]
Bald Brian
You'Re loud fucking yelling. So I go after the show, I go backstage and I say, what's up with the signage? Chicken? And by the way, as soon as I saw the sinus chick, I was like, anyway, I got a huge cock. A huge, massive, girthy cock. I throw it over my shoulder like a continental soldier. And there's this poor chick doing this. There's only one way to do the huge, girthy cock thing over the shoulder. It's not like she's not spelling girthy. She's literally doing, oh, it's so prodigious. I have to carry it in a wheelbarrow the whole time. She's just. And it's a woman. She does massive cock move prodigious. And I'm laughing my ass off. Why don't you do this? But I get backstage and I'm standing there with Mike August. The booker is constantly worried about, you know, the overhead and how much money we're going to make and blah, blah, blah. And he says, what's the deal with the. With the sign person? And. And he said, well, the person phoned ahead and said, by law, I'm coming to this gig. I don't know how you phone ahead when he can't talk, but had his wife phone ahead and said, I want a signer at the show, and now I can talk whatever shit I want about this guy because there's no way he can't sign the podcast. So what happened was, is one person phoned ahead because, you know, you've played every club in town. I've played every club in town. Never had a signing person there.
- [82:15]
Giovanni
Right.
- [82:16]
Bald Brian
And so one person called. And so first thing out of Mike August's mouth is, who's paying for that?
- [82:23]
Giovanni
I like Mike August. I don't even know him.
- [82:25]
Bald Brian
And he's. And. And if you knew me wouldn't like the guy. The guy owned the club, said, well, we are. And then Mike took a beat and went, wait a minute. That means we're paying for it because you pay for the. Yeah, yeah. You're. They don't absorb that shit. You pay for it.
- [82:39]
Giovanni
Yeah. It comes.
- [82:40]
Bald Brian
It gets skimmed off your groats.
- [82:42]
Giovanni
Right.
- [82:42]
Bald Brian
So he's like, what? And then he's like, how many deaf people were out there? There's 500 people. He said, one guy. And Mike was pissed. He's like, how much did that chick cost for the one goddamn guy? And it was like, I don't know. It's 160 bucks. I remember thinking it sounded kind of reasonable, but on the other hand, she was only there for an hour and a half. You know, get pretty good coin. Yeah. And I realized it was one chick standing on a fucking apple crate in a of bunch black sweater, just doing the entire show for one dude that knew because of, like, Americans with Disability acts or whatever it is, that he could literally phone ahead and demand that that person be there. It'd be fun to do just to fuck with the club anyway.
- [83:25]
Giovanni
Right.
- [83:25]
Bald Brian
I should actually make it part of my act.
- [83:27]
Giovanni
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She. The chick sounds interesting, too.
- [83:30]
Bald Brian
I should phone ahead.
- [83:31]
Giovanni
Yeah, it sounds funnier. You were funnier with her.
- [83:33]
Bald Brian
Oh, absolutely. Referenced the cock thing ten times.
- [83:36]
Giovanni
Yeah, of course. Indeed. For reason.
- [83:38]
Bald Brian
That's nice.
- [83:39]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah. On the fly. You complained about accessibility loss.
- [83:42]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [83:43]
Esther Povitsky
That's very good.
- [83:44]
Bald Brian
I don't even know what Brandon wanted anymore. But, yeah, it was. It was weird. And then I thought, what's in it for this person?
- [83:52]
Giovanni
You know what I mean?
- [83:53]
Bald Brian
Because you're not getting the inflection, the intonation, you know, the nasally drone that you and I are facing for. You know what I mean? Like, the words themselves are fine, but.
- [84:03]
Giovanni
How do you even become a fast talkers too.
- [84:05]
Bald Brian
And so, yeah, she's fucking it up all the time.
- [84:08]
Giovanni
That's probably how the rumors get started that we're assholes. Yeah, because of the fucking asshole. Well, no, no, you said that sometimes you'll read stuff, that people say something. It's probably misconstrued by the hand talkers. I wonder, the wind talkers or whatever they are.
- [84:24]
Bald Brian
Nicholas Cage movie. Let me just say this. What I. How do they get on to me? It's. It. Is it like. Well, I was a huge fan of the man show and then I was standing too next to too close to a cannon at my grandfather's funeral. Lost all my hearing, but I still want to follow this dude. Like, did you. Were you a fan of mine and then you lost your hearing or were you always deaf? And if you're always deaf, how did you become a fan? I got of a lot look into that, Tom. Get on that.
- [84:53]
Giovanni
That's a good thing.
- [84:54]
Bald Brian
Thank you, Brian. That was what can't Adam complain about. All right, let's give a plug out for Tom Arnold.
- [85:04]
Giovanni
I can't believe you have a segment on your whole show is what can't.
- [85:10]
Bald Brian
And now your Adam Corolla. Extra. Well, before I go into my extra content for Stitcher this week, I must mention that this week's big winner is Dustin Shaw from Washington state. Hey, kiddies. Ace man here. And today's quick complaint. Parking and parking lots. I was pulling into a place I like to eat out here in Southern California called Good Neighbor. Good Neighbor shares a parking lot with a place called Poquito Moss. A very good example for anyone starting a business. This Paquita Moss has been there for like 25 years and the Good Neighbor has been there for like 45 years. And there's never a place to park in the parking lot because one place just cooks up beef over an open flame and douses it with guacamole and puts it in a tortilla and puts some rice and beans on the side. And the other place just makes hash browns and eggs. Neither one of them fuck it up. Neither one of them advertise. You don't have to. They both been there combined 200 years and the parking lot is always full because all they do is serve very simple shit and they don't fuck it up. No water crescent, no no, no bullshit. No puree of bullshit. No nothing. Just fucking beef, open flame tortillas and beans. Another place, it's just pretty much eggs Benedict and pancakes. Done and done. Either way, Never a place to park in those between those two places in a very small parking lot. I was meeting my buddy for breakfast over there and pulled into the parking lot during. What is the crowded time for breakfast over at the place? About 8:30 in the morning, even though the parking lot was full, there were three people getting into their car simultaneously, which meant I had a 300% chance. Do not correct my math. Of getting a parking space in the next 30 seconds. So I stopped at the edge of the driveway and I waited for one of the three people who climbed into their cars to pull out of the full yet small parking lot. Ten minutes later, they were all still fucking in their goddamn cars. Now, some of them were texting, others were making phone calls. Others were attempting to blow themselves. God knows what the fuck they were doing in there. Making land lanyards or God's eyes or carving a fucking canoe. They were doing everything but pulling the fuck out of their space. When you're in a crowded parking lot and there is not an open space to be seen and you get in your car, it is incumbent upon you to get the fuck out of there. I understand you may want to make a phone call. You may want to answer text. You may want to look some email. That's what the goddamn cul de sac up the street is for. Pull out of the parking lot, then go answer your shit. These fucking three people sat there for 10 minutes. One of them was still in the car when I got into the restaurant and had placed my order. And to make it worse, they did that thing where you saw the reverse light was on so the car had started. They popped it into reverse. The reverse light was on and still going nowhere. This happens everywhere, especially here in Los Angeles. Look, I don't know if we have to have a psa. I don't know if we need, like, Dolph Lundgren going, hey, when you get in your car, shake your fucking ass. But listen, everyone, do the math. The parking lot is full. There's nothing but cars as far as the eye can see with no open spaces. There's me pulling up into the parking lot and then the three cars that are behind me that are spilling out in the street because I don't want to go forward and pass the one car that could get out. And then there's you fucking playing grab ass with yourself in the car. Now look, if your kid just swallowed the Playboy air freshener and is going into cardiac arrest, fine. By all means, tend to him. I'd like it if he pulled out of Space and then tended to him. But tend to them. But you're just fucking sitting there talking to your old lady on the phone and I'm waiting to die in the fucking parking lot, sucking up my own gas and carbon monoxide. So please, as soon as that door shuts, pull the fuck out. Don't even put your seatbelt on. Pull the fuck out of there. And let's keep America moving. Thank you. That was your Adam Carolla Extra.
- [89:47]
Giovanni
All right, that's Adam Cooler.
- [89:48]
Bald Brian
Show 369.
- [89:49]
Giovanni
Coming up next, we have Adam Krill.
- [89:50]
Bald Brian
Show 444. This is in between news gals. Allison had not yet tried out for the job. This episode has Johnny Pemberton as a.
- [89:56]
Giovanni
Guest and then filling as news gal. But who could equally be a guest at this time, especially Esther Povitzky.
- [90:01]
Bald Brian
Little Esther.
- [90:02]
Giovanni
A lot of times they would have comedians on the come up come and.
- [90:05]
Esther Povitsky
Be the news gal.
- [90:06]
Giovanni
They weren't actually auditioning for the job in most cases. They were just trying out or filling in. Natasha Leggero did it. Even Alana Uback did it. Brian Bishop's also in this episode and it's from 2010.
- [90:20]
Bald Brian
And now new York Times best seller. Seriously? Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate. Get it on Val. Brian. How you feeling, my brother? Hang on. Hurt. Esther. Nice to meet you.
- [90:41]
Adam Carolla
Nice to meet you.
- [90:42]
Bald Brian
Now, is it Lauren or do you do the Lauren?
- [90:44]
Adam Carolla
It's Lauren. Yeah.
- [90:46]
Bald Brian
Yeah. My sister's name is Lauren.
- [90:48]
Esther Povitsky
She's from the Midwest. Adam. They pronounce things normally out there.
- [90:50]
Bald Brian
Yeah, yeah, I know. They don't put flares on things. My sister's an L, A, U, R, E, N first name.
- [90:56]
Adam Carolla
Gotcha.
- [90:56]
Bald Brian
Somewhere around 31 decide to go with the Lauren. Like that's gonna make a huge impact. I. All of a sudden they're gonna back the Brinks truck up to your house and just doors are gonna start flying open for you.
- [91:12]
Esther Povitsky
The best part of imagining like she's calling for a reservation at a tough to get restaurant. Like, ah, yeah, the name's Lauren. I'm sorry, you don't have anything. Lauren with a Y. Wow.
- [91:20]
Bald Brian
Right? This.
- [91:21]
Esther Povitsky
Would you like the chef's table or would you like to just cook?
- [91:23]
Bald Brian
Why not? Is what I say to the Y when you add it to Lauren. Yeah. I don't know if it caught on or not. I haven't seen her driver's license. But I was a conscientious objector. I said, sorry, I'm Grandfathered in. I got the en. Grandfather. You tell that to your new friends. So now, Esther, let's talk about you.
- [91:42]
Adam Carolla
Okay.
- [91:42]
Bald Brian
Did you hear that I'm on the New York Times bestseller list?
- [91:45]
Adam Carolla
I did hear that.
- [91:46]
Bald Brian
Wow. Wow. So cool. Yeah. Anyway, that's enough. Let's talk about you now. It says here you're touring with Joe Rogan.
- [91:57]
Adam Carolla
I just got back from Austin, Texas, with him. Yeah.
- [92:00]
Bald Brian
How was that?
- [92:01]
Adam Carolla
That was pretty incredible.
- [92:03]
Bald Brian
And you're doing stand up?
- [92:04]
Adam Carolla
Yes, I perform at the Comedy Store regularly and all around.
- [92:09]
Bald Brian
Yeah. I don't want to put you on the spot, you know?
- [92:12]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [92:13]
Bald Brian
But is your act. I've not seen your act. Relationship stuff.
- [92:18]
Adam Carolla
Not really.
- [92:19]
Bald Brian
Societal, observational.
- [92:21]
Adam Carolla
More just about myself and how I grew up and being half Jewish and half regular, I guess, Stuff like that.
- [92:31]
Bald Brian
Yeah. And where did you grow up?
- [92:33]
Adam Carolla
I grew up in a small suburb right outside of Chicago called Skokie.
- [92:37]
Bald Brian
Oh, Skokie, Illinois. Sure heard of that. And then went off to college.
- [92:41]
Esther Povitsky
Barbershop quartet there.
- [92:43]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [92:43]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [92:44]
Adam Carolla
I went to University of Illinois in Champaign. I did two and a half years studying journalism and then just decided nevermind and wanted to start doing comedy.
- [92:53]
Bald Brian
How's the comedy going?
- [92:54]
Adam Carolla
It's going pretty good. You know, the stuff with Joe has been exciting and fun, and I'm growing a lot with it now.
- [93:00]
Bald Brian
How does it work when you go out with Joe Rogan?
- [93:05]
Esther Povitsky
Well, it's a lot of energy drinks.
- [93:08]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [93:09]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [93:10]
Adam Carolla
It's just crazy. I mean, he's just a really fun and cool. And he's always on. He's always Joe Rogan all the time, and.
- [93:18]
Bald Brian
Yeah, I find that a little grating after day 15. Joe Rogan all the time.
- [93:24]
Adam Carolla
It's a lot of fun.
- [93:26]
Bald Brian
Okay, I'm reading between the lines, but what I'm saying is, yeah, I like Joe Rogan. I like Joe Rogan because he's interesting.
- [93:31]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [93:32]
Bald Brian
And comedy is almost sort of, in a weird way, takes a backseat to him having thoughts that are sort of provocative and interesting and that kind of stuff. And I like that about him. Yeah. All this, you know, sensory deprivation tank BS and all that. I dig all that stuff. It goes a little too far with some of the alien shit, but just in general, the man's got a brain and he's gonna wear it out.
- [93:54]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
- [93:55]
Bald Brian
Like, he's like, I'm gonna fucking wear this brain out. By the time I'm 50, it'll be shot, but I'm gonna pass a lot of shit through this brain. And. But so when you go out with Joe, you would be the middle. Right, as they would say. Or is that how it works? He's the headliner.
- [94:12]
Adam Carolla
Right. And then we had. I'm kind of like an opener, and, you know, he kind of just throws me up. He has his. His feature act, which is Joey Diaz, who starts off the show host, and then they just throw me up in the middle there. And I did like 10 or 15 minutes this past weekend.
- [94:26]
Bald Brian
And how much time does Joe actually do?
- [94:29]
Adam Carolla
Joe kind of does two hours.
- [94:32]
Bald Brian
Holy motherfucking pearl. But what about when you guys do two shows in a night?
- [94:37]
Adam Carolla
He's the first show. He has to kind of hold back a little, because what he likes to do is an hour of his material and then an hour question and answer with his fans. Oh, yeah. And it's really cool. His fans are totally crazy.
- [94:51]
Bald Brian
Right, right. And. But, yeah, but you can't do that on the first show because they have to unload and then load up.
- [94:56]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [94:56]
Bald Brian
They got to turn the room over. They say get. Get them out, get those nacho plates cleared off and get the new audience in there. Right, right. So on a situation like that, you keep the whole thing to an hour and a half or something. Yeah.
- [95:10]
Adam Carolla
And, you know, I. Everyone will do less time. You know, I'll do a little less time, and Joe will kind of tame it down. And then, of course, we don't go out and take pictures with everyone after the first show. There's just not time to do that second show.
- [95:22]
Bald Brian
That's Q and A. That's hardcore fans. That's go out, press the flesh after the show. Super fans. All right, so you'll be doing the news for us. I should mention that Johnny Pemberton is a guy. Well, I don't know, bit of a stuntman, I guess. Got a new show on mtv. Think Jackass meets Top Gear. Goes out and drives jet trucks and stunt planes. Just anything that moves, he's in it. So I'll be interested in talking to Johnny about that. And yes, as you heard at the top of the show, we've made it to the new New York Times bestseller list. Everybody just found out about that a couple hours ago. So God bless all of you for getting the book. Don't act like you're not impressed. And it was. It was all you guys because. Because I did a couple of radio shows and Kimmel and a couple things, but not really. I didn't do a ton of press. This was all podcast people. We didn't have a platform. Like a lot of folks have a platform. I mean, obviously, if you're Glenn beck or Bill O'Reilly or Jon Stewart, you have a massive platform. We have a smallish platform, but we're proud. And that got us into the top 10, the New York Times best seller list. The only sentimental thought I've ever had in my life regarding my family. And it just popped up when my agent called me and informed me of this a couple hours ago. I thought, my grandmother, who died a few months ago, I thought, this is one thing she would have. This would have meant something to her. Nothing else I ever did was really like, I played football, she didn't like football. I boxed. She didn't like boxing. I was a builder. She wasn't. She. Well, actually, she liked building. Just didn't seem. Didn't like my brand of building or something. Like, wasn't really that into it. I'm sure she would have undersold this somehow. But, you know. And I do cable. But, like, if I was gonna be on the Tonight show, she'd say, oh, you mean like a regular channel? Like a real channel? She wouldn't do it in a condescending way, but in her world, Comedy Central, MTV, those weren't, you know, 200 channel, 257. She had seven channels, you know, so none of this stuff. I mean, intellectually, I know she understood. Yes, a man makes money, people recognize him. He's on something called cable tv. He makes a nice paycheck. He does a syndicated radio show that's on in the middle of the night or too early in the morning or something. But it never really hit home. Like, one. I'll tell you, like, if the New Yorker did a spread on me, that would have meant something to my grandmother. She was very old school. So hitting the New York Times bestseller list, that would have been something that my grandmother could have hung her hat on because it's that thing I was always like. You know when. You know when someone tries to explain to you about a band that's huge in South America and you've never heard of them? And they're like, they sell out soccer stadiums. And you're like, that sounds cool. Anyway, where do you want to eat? And they're like, you understand Jaguar's is bigger than you two in South America? And you're like, okay. It's like, don't care. Don't know any of their songs. Like, I understand what you're saying intellectually, but I don't really feel it. It's just moving on, moving on. The list. The New York Times list would have been something. Now, I'm sure she would have shrugged it off and then bragged to her friends, but this would have meant. This would have been some sort of official recognition to her.
- [98:56]
Esther Povitsky
That's funny because she would have had to qualify it, like she does with a lot of things. Well, not she, but your family does a lot of things. Like the New York Times bestseller list, the hardcover nonfiction list. I mean, not overall.
- [99:05]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah. Not overall. Not overall. Hardcover nonfiction. Yeah, yeah, sure. We're not talking paperbacks. Autobiography, no fiction books. Right.
- [99:14]
Esther Povitsky
By the way, tough week to debut a comedy book because you have Baba Wooten, Baba, Bowie's book and also Jon Stewart's book up there.
- [99:21]
Bald Brian
Yeah, I was sort of thinking about it and the bestseller list is relative. You could sell 10,000 books and not get on it, or you could sell 10,000 books and be at the top of it, depending on who decided to come out with the book, the time. At the time you came out with the book. Like John fucking Stewart.
- [99:40]
Esther Povitsky
Also Ricky Martin and Portia de Rossi's books landing this week.
- [99:44]
Bald Brian
Yeah, those guys.
- [99:45]
Esther Povitsky
Competition.
- [99:45]
Bald Brian
Oh, Ricky Martin. Yeah. Like he decides to write his first I'm out of the closet book. But no, it's like Jon Stewart writes a book once every five years. Not once a year or not once a month. So you coming out the same time he comes out, his Haley's Comet of books comes out. And you know, Jon Stewart's always gonna be above you if he comes out with a book. So a lot of it is, hey, shit, Keith Richards came out with his first book and Jon Stewart came out with a book. And there's these other folks that are coming out with books. So Glenn Beck's got a. You know, these guys, they write books. But landing on the same within the same couple of weeks that they landed is what you call competition. That's all I'm saying.
- [100:28]
Esther Povitsky
Good week for Baby Doll.
- [100:29]
Bald Brian
Yeah. James. Baby Doll Dixon, my agent has a couple of clients that are in the top 10 over there. Jon Stewart, number four, I'm number eight. And let's keep the party going. And by the way, again, if you're going to be in Los Angeles, I'm going to be down at the Grove on Saturday at 3 o' clock signing them books, I think at Barnes and Noble. All right, let's see. I'll tell you what, Esther, why don't you prep the news while I share the good news about. Go to my PC football season here. Bald Brian, I know you love yourself some football.
- [101:02]
Esther Povitsky
You don't say.
- [101:03]
Bald Brian
Monday Night Football. You want to get home, you want to watch the game, but you still got business to take care of at.
- [101:09]
Esther Povitsky
Work, namely this podcast.
- [101:10]
Bald Brian
Yeah, don't worry about it. Head home, finish your work from home. You can get at your home. You can get your work computer from home, you can get your home computer from work. Or just head out to TGI Fridays and bring that laptop, baby. And go ahead, enjoy some poppers and do some work. Tilt a few cold ones and still get at your computer. That's right. Go to my PC. They got a deal. 45 days free. Free. What do you got to use? Exclusive 45 day free trial offer just for my listeners. Just use the promo code Adam. Again, you can get it your home computer. You can get your work computer, you can put any computer you want on this thing and then travel at your will and get to the stuff. Never feel like you've left something behind. Go to mypc.com and remember, use the promo code Adam and try it for free. Esther. All right, Live from the International News center, next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Esther Lauren.
- [102:12]
Adam Carolla
So I found this study done by Experian Simmons, talking about what.
- [102:16]
Bald Brian
What is her name?
- [102:17]
Adam Carolla
Experian Simmons.
- [102:18]
Bald Brian
Experian Simmons.
- [102:20]
Adam Carolla
They just do studies. And basically.
- [102:23]
Bald Brian
Is this one on crazy black names?
- [102:25]
Adam Carolla
No, it's on, like, who watches what shows on television?
- [102:30]
Bald Brian
Karen. Tom Brady's Jockstrap. Oh, that's Bill Simmons. That's right.
- [102:34]
Adam Carolla
And you know. Yeah. And it talks about that basically, Republicans like shows like the Amazing Race and Modern Family and Democrats watch Dexter and Courtney and Khloe Take Miami.
- [102:46]
Bald Brian
Really?
- [102:46]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [102:47]
Bald Brian
Range. That is range. Yeah.
- [102:50]
Adam Carolla
So it's sort of.
- [102:51]
Bald Brian
That's a weird one. Now I understand the Republican amazing Racing just because of this sort of competitive drive thing that's over toward the right side of the aisle. And then I guess Modern Family is a family unit, but it's sort of gays.
- [103:07]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, there's gays and adoption.
- [103:09]
Bald Brian
Yeah, yeah, they adopted a little, like, Asian baby. And they got the gays in there and they got. Not only that, they're, you know, Ed o' Neill is married to a chick who's like El Salvadorian, like Charo, and she's got a kid from a previous relationship. So it is showing some range there.
- [103:28]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And so it's basically for the Republicans, Glenn Beck, Amazing Race, Modern Family, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, and then this sort of smaller, like, cult shows for Democrats and of course, Lie to Me.
- [103:43]
Bald Brian
I made someone's list. Huh? Wow.
- [103:48]
Esther Povitsky
Like a Courtney and Khloe take Miami is like the poor man's version of. Of Keeping up with the Kardashians, right? When like the real.
- [103:55]
Bald Brian
Yeah, it's weird. Like, do you want to see the dumpy sister of the hot one right over in Dade County? And it's always. They do that things like they have nothing to do. Oh, God. So they do a thing where it's like, the town car's here. I haven't put on my face yet. Oh. And it's like they do a music sting.
- [104:15]
Adam Carolla
Oh, my God, that show is absurd.
- [104:17]
Bald Brian
It's fucking insane.
- [104:19]
Adam Carolla
It makes me feel better, though, about who I am.
- [104:22]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. 3030 rock.
- [104:27]
Esther Povitsky
No chance of Reggie Bush showing up, so I don't watch.
- [104:29]
Bald Brian
Yeah, Parks and Recreation. Nice. Breaking Bad. There you go. That makes sense. This is all on the Democrat side, but. 90210. That must be the kids. Also, I'm confused about. Well, Private Practice. Law and Order. SVU seems like a weird one for the Dems for some reason.
- [104:51]
Esther Povitsky
Just a popular show, I think.
- [104:52]
Bald Brian
I guess so. It just feels a little more Republican than me. Law and Order, like when you hear about a guy being a Law and order politician or mayor or something, you always think Republican, but all right. I'd say it's about a tie. Mm.
- [105:05]
Adam Carolla
It's weird that Dexter is up there on Democrats. It's like the Democrats are murderers.
- [105:11]
Esther Povitsky
V was number four on the Republicans. That show even on anymore.
- [105:15]
Bald Brian
The other thing too. Dexter's one of these things where you drive around and you see the billboard and it's him holding a baby and they're covered with blood and it's like, hey, that's nice. I'm sure the kids enjoy that image. See, that's awesome. Reminds me of an abortion. Like really, I'm not uptight. But again, driving around LA and seeing all these weird negative images fucking take its toll. And other towns do not allow this, by the way.
- [105:44]
Esther Povitsky
They don't allow the crazy sensibilities when it comes to the in your face advertisements. See the problem with the Red Dead Redemption too? Well, it's off putting, but I don't think anyone.
- [105:53]
Bald Brian
I don't.
- [105:53]
Esther Povitsky
I'm not strongly.
- [105:54]
Bald Brian
I'm not uptight about these things. Here's the way I feel. I feel that because we cannot see boobies, or more specifically, niplage and areola, that we should also take the same thing. And the Red Dead Redemption, well, first it has the word dead right in the middle of it. And then the way they.
- [106:18]
Esther Povitsky
But it has redemption at the end.
- [106:19]
Bald Brian
The way they put their signs. Well, being redeemed after you're dead is really not much of a party favor, Brian.
- [106:26]
Esther Povitsky
Thanks for nothing at that point.
- [106:27]
Bald Brian
Yep. Well, now. Now this there is. And we're looking at the billboard right now. It's 30ft above your head, you're parked in traffic and there's a guy holding a sawed off shotgun at you and the nanny and the minivan. Like it's essentially he's. He's pulling a gun on you. And I'm just saying you can't pull a boob on anyone.
- [106:48]
Esther Povitsky
Jokes on him. The recoil is going to hurt his shoulder so bad.
- [106:51]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Once he blows my nanny head off along with my two twins, then. No, I'm just saying, like there's anybody else the. No. Okay. We're living in a society where kids, guns are colored orange or they have an orange cap on the end of them to let the police know that if some little inner city kid comes running around waving around a fake Mac 10, he's not going to get fucking his head blown off by the LAPD. We do a lot of PSAs about gun violence and we have these crusades where turn in your guns and get a voucher to pep boys for $100. Like we were very like, hey, careful with the guns. But then we have fucking billboards all over fucking town of guys who look like meth addicts holding sawed off shotguns at the. What would be if you drew an imaginary line from the end of the asshole with the sawed off shotgun to your kid's head in the stroller or on his bicycle or in your minivan. So what are we really saying?
- [107:55]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's terrible. And plus, if someone came from some different society and saw this.
- [108:00]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [108:00]
Adam Carolla
They don't know it's a video game. What does that mean?
- [108:02]
Bald Brian
You just fly. You fly in from Amsterdam and you're like, jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on here? And boy, does that department store hate its customers. No, but seriously, it's like, I don't want to sound like a weirdo asshole. I'm not uptight, I'm not religious, I'm not. Whatever, but what message are we sending? And then when we get home and our kid wants a gun and we go, no, no, no, no, no, no. And it's like, well, the nice man with the sod off was pointing it at the minivan only moments earlier. I'm just saying it's a fucking video game. And here's the thing, I don't play your fucking piece of shit video game. I got a little something called pride in you, por. I mean pride. I meant grit, actually.
- [108:44]
Esther Povitsky
Pride and more pride.
- [108:46]
Bald Brian
You pride.
- [108:47]
Adam Carolla
You pride.
- [108:48]
Bald Brian
And there's something called you pride. No, the point is, I don't play your shitty video games where you go around blowing everyone's head off. Why do I have to be indoctrinated into it? I feel like I'm being sucked into your shitty, violent, sawed off shotgun world.
- [109:03]
Adam Carolla
And we're supposed to recognize that that's a video game and it's cool.
- [109:06]
Bald Brian
Well, here's the thing. We have a board of what? And yes, I did not know Red Dead Redemption. I didn't know if it was a video game or a movie. I thought the guy up there was Josh Brolin, by the way. Like I didn't know who the fuck it.
- [109:22]
Esther Povitsky
Vincent Gallo. Looks good.
- [109:24]
Bald Brian
Finally got off the fucking horse, you know, and onto a horse. The point is this. You can't. I've said this many times. I can't go down to the DMV and say, hey, I want a vanity plate that says God hater on it or ass man or anything. I can't do it. They'd review it. They'd go, you know what? Ass man, that would be offensive. Like if somebody got behind you and had kids or something, Ass man would be offensive to them. So no, sorry, but Josh Brolin on meth with a sawed off shotgun pointing at the fucking head of you and your nanny in the minivan? No problemo. How fast can you get it up? The fuck are we doing?
- [110:12]
Adam Carolla
Backwards.
- [110:13]
Bald Brian
All right.
- [110:14]
Esther Povitsky
The game's awesome, though.
- [110:15]
Bald Brian
It is. Don't buy that.
- [110:16]
Adam Carolla
Shut up.
- [110:17]
Esther Povitsky
I have no idea.
- [110:18]
Adam Carolla
Okay, good.
- [110:19]
Bald Brian
Don't play fucking video games, ass wipes. And don't get your kids into that nonsense either.
- [110:24]
Adam Carolla
It's bad for the brain.
- [110:25]
Bald Brian
Although my kid one is an Angry Bird this year for Christmas or for Halloween. An Angry Bird. It's a video game. Oh, yeah.
- [110:33]
Adam Carolla
Oh, I know. Angry Bird.
- [110:34]
Bald Brian
Yeah. You. You have a big slingshot and you launch bird carcasses into a crystal cathedral.
- [110:39]
Esther Povitsky
Is that an app or something?
- [110:40]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [110:41]
Bald Brian
Yeah. And I, believe me, I rationalize that, that this is going to pay big dividends one day. You know, when he gets into the workforce and there's job openings where you have to launch dead birds into a big crystal apartment building. My son shooting right to the fucking top of that company, you know what I mean? He's gonna be CEO of the company that shoots birds into crystal buildings, you know? With a giant slingshot. He's gonna be kicking ass at that, you know, wherever that is. Head of the class, head of the class. That's my point.
- [111:11]
Esther Povitsky
How'd the Katy Perry thing go, by the way? You never got a wrap up on that.
- [111:14]
Bald Brian
My daughter dressed as Katy Perry. My son dressed as an Angry Bird. My.
- [111:20]
Esther Povitsky
By the way, the parents really do the dressing for Halloween at this point, don't they?
- [111:24]
Bald Brian
Yeah, they gotta go out and get this stuff.
- [111:25]
Esther Povitsky
So she was dressed as.
- [111:27]
Bald Brian
I paid for her transformation from 4 year old into whore.
- [111:32]
Esther Povitsky
You'll pay for it.
- [111:33]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah. And I had a funny thing with my dad because she came in, you know, my dad was like 0 for 2. My 79 year old dad came over for a visit and he was on the sofa with the kids and he was like. And Sonny, what are you going for for Halloween? Angry Bird. What's that? An Angry Bird. Like a hawk and. Oh, Angry Bird. Okay, Natalia, what do you. Who you? Katy Perry.
- [112:03]
Giovanni
Who?
- [112:04]
Bald Brian
Katie Pocket Daddy. She's a whore who's dead. She's married to the drug addict from England who doesn't shave. And Russell. No. Video app? App? No. I'm hot. Yes. Yes. What? Some calamari? No. We're out, Dad. I got nothing. This is gonna take 20 minutes. Could have gone with the Cinderella and a hobo and been covered. But you know, Angry Bird and Katie Perry to my dad, that's over too.
- [112:35]
Adam Carolla
Can't do that.
- [112:36]
Bald Brian
Yeah. All right, Esther, where the hell were we? What else you got?
- [112:39]
Adam Carolla
Well, there was a carnival cruise for magicians for David Sandy's magic cruise that was left without air conditioning, hot food and telephone service.
- [112:48]
Bald Brian
Hold on, hold on a second. There's a carnival cruise for magic people. Oh, and then what's the entertainment? A couple from Sheboygan. Hello, how are you? We're the Rothsteins. And they just stand on stage for a while. All the magicians. All the magicians just stand there?
- [113:07]
Adam Carolla
Oh, my God.
- [113:08]
Bald Brian
Well, they.
- [113:08]
Adam Carolla
It's basically, it's a convention for magicians. So there's tons of magicians on this space.
- [113:12]
Bald Brian
Oh, my God.
- [113:13]
Esther Povitsky
Tough crowd.
- [113:13]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [113:14]
Bald Brian
How many days? What's over under on you? Just throwing yourself off the lido deck. Over, under, over, under. 71 hours.
- [113:21]
Esther Povitsky
Captain's in the water already.
- [113:23]
Adam Carolla
It's a seven day cruise. But what happened is their engine caught on fire, so they were done. Like they couldn't do anything. So they've been towed by. Yeah, they've been towed by tugboats and they're supposed to reach land tomorrow and Thursday.
- [113:35]
Bald Brian
Mm.
- [113:36]
Adam Carolla
And the guy who owns the. This cruise ship or the thing that's Sandy's magic, whatever. Said they're all just excellent magicians wanting to hone their trade. They just do it on a cruise.
- [113:48]
Bald Brian
Sure.
- [113:48]
Esther Povitsky
You know how they never reveal the secrets?
- [113:50]
Bald Brian
Mm.
- [113:50]
Esther Povitsky
What must the conversations be like in the dining hall? Hey, where are you from? Why do you want to know?
- [113:56]
Bald Brian
What'd you hear?
- [113:56]
Esther Povitsky
No, I'm just asking. I mean, where you.
- [113:58]
Bald Brian
Who you've been talking to?
- [114:00]
Esther Povitsky
Why you ask me who I've been talking to?
- [114:02]
Bald Brian
Well, let's just put it this way. I'm from the tri state area.
- [114:05]
Esther Povitsky
You're not telling me which tri states. How's the steak?
- [114:10]
Bald Brian
It's shaped like a square. If someone kicked it, I'm on to you.
- [114:16]
Esther Povitsky
I got what you're saying.
- [114:17]
Bald Brian
Yeah, that's right. Mm. Yeah.
- [114:19]
Esther Povitsky
Let's never talk about this again.
- [114:20]
Bald Brian
Yeah, yeah. And they probably call them gags. Like stuntmen call them gags. That's right. Like they have their own word. They can't call them tricks. You know what I mean?
- [114:28]
Esther Povitsky
It's all industry terms.
- [114:32]
Bald Brian
I saw your hoop gag.
- [114:33]
Esther Povitsky
Oh, yeah, you saw the hootenanny with the. What's it.
- [114:35]
Bald Brian
Yeah, that was good gag. Good gag. Solid gag. Who'd you buy that from?
- [114:39]
Esther Povitsky
I pulled a leghorn in the middle, but I thought that was the only way to go.
- [114:42]
Bald Brian
It's a good gag. Solid gag. Yeah. You know, they have a name. They have their own fucking retarded name for that shit.
- [114:47]
Esther Povitsky
Like, comedians sort of have it. Like, you know my favorite, My Saver.
- [114:51]
Bald Brian
Yeah, Saver. A kill. My shed. Killed. Work on my set.
- [114:55]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, My Saver's good. It helps me out. We know when I come up to.
- [114:58]
Bald Brian
My closer, it would have been nice if that cruise ship just hit a huge vortex and was sucked down into the abyss. And then it'd also be a good movie, too, because they find that ship, you know, it'd just be magician, magic ship.
- [115:12]
Esther Povitsky
Oh, you're captain here. Does anybody know any actual magic that.
- [115:15]
Giovanni
Was really coming right now?
- [115:16]
Esther Povitsky
Any actual magic?
- [115:18]
Bald Brian
Yeah, we got to get this engine started.
- [115:20]
Giovanni
That's right.
- [115:20]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [115:21]
Esther Povitsky
We're sick of the vortex.
- [115:22]
Bald Brian
Yeah. And, you know, probably, you know, it's funny, too, is, you know, they talk shit, too. Like, you know, they're all sitting around going, if Marshall Brodeen wasn't shit, he just got there first. You know what I mean? I mean, his magic playing deck. I give it a 5.
- [115:38]
Esther Povitsky
Ripped off his act.
- [115:39]
Bald Brian
Yeah. And, you know, when Copperfield's name Come up. They're all just. Oh, please, give me a fucking break.
- [115:45]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, Mr. Schiffer, yeah.
- [115:47]
Bald Brian
Let me. Let me ask you this. Copperfield in the. Amongst the ranks of magicians, especially the guys that are working the sleight of hand stuff, like the close stuff, or they're pulling the sleeves up and everything. Or let's say Polly Shore amongst the ranks of comedians, like, who scores higher or lower? Like, I mean, how bad is that? You know? And then every once in a while there's a weird surprise thing where some guy will do the thing where they'll go, copperfield's a hell of a technician. Hell of a technician. Like, you'll go, oh, really? Like there's a weird. It's like. It'd be like, okay, let me. Here it is, here it is. Copperfield amongst the sleight of hand guys, Polly Shore amongst the working comedians, or John Tesh amongst the croners.
- [116:36]
Esther Povitsky
I think Tej gets the cred.
- [116:38]
Bald Brian
Tesh gets street cred.
- [116:39]
Esther Povitsky
I think so. Because he's actually a really good singer. I mean, you say what you about is like wordle music and stuff, but.
- [116:44]
Bald Brian
I feel like a hell of you.
- [116:45]
Esther Povitsky
He's got a hell of a baritone. I'm not afraid to say it.
- [116:48]
Giovanni
I'll say it.
- [116:49]
Bald Brian
Evidently.
- [116:50]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, I think Tesh leads the way.
- [116:54]
Bald Brian
Really?
- [116:54]
Adam Carolla
His hair is silver.
- [116:55]
Esther Povitsky
Well, I mean, his music is silly and the songs are kind of whatever, but he can sing. He is a talented singer.
- [117:00]
Bald Brian
So you think Michael Buble is like, hey, man, that fucking Tesh got punched.
- [117:03]
Esther Povitsky
Yes, I think that's an apt analogy. If you ask Buble, like, say what you want about Tess's music.
- [117:07]
Bald Brian
I can sing. Really?
- [117:09]
Esther Povitsky
I think so. I'm not an expert, but let's get Mikey Bubbles in here and ask him.
- [117:14]
Bald Brian
Let's get Buble in here.
- [117:15]
Adam Carolla
The ones that hate Copperfield are like, oh, but he's so technical. And, you know, there's things to find that are good.
- [117:21]
Bald Brian
Yeah, let's get Boo Blair on the plower. I just wanted to say that. All right, let's. Let's think about one more quick story while I talk about my good friends over at Stitcher. Yeah, Great app. Speaking of apps, by the way, we were talking about apps earlier. You can lay it down on Your iPhone, your BlackBerry, Android and your Palm. The thing about Stitcher is it's not just good for this show. You can listen to almost any radio show. So you're from. You went to school in champagne, right? You had some station you liked over there, some local guys. You want to hear, or maybe you miss them or you're feeling homesick. Put the Stitcher app on and listen to radio stations and more in the morning radio shows all over the country. It's really cool. Stitcher.com. that's stitcher.com/plus. You get the extra content that we give you only@stitcher.com. all right, you know what I think? I think we should play a little nerd walking. Why don't we do that? Should we do that? The following is a presentation of Jeremiah Weed. Nerd walking Nerds. We're asking nerds if they know what guys who aren't dorks should know. They are all virgins. It's time for nerd walking. Cause you are nerds. Nerds. La la la la la la la. Yeah. By the way, had a little of that Jeremiah weed sour mash. You know, you really. You feel like an alcoholic when you just. Nice. You run out of one booze, and you go right to the next seamlessly, like you're like, whoop. Out of red wine. Oh, there's the sour mash. Jeremiah weed. Boom. Pour myself a glass of that last night. 90 proof, feeling, no pain. 90.
- [119:07]
Esther Povitsky
90. 90 proof, but 45% booze.
- [119:10]
Bald Brian
But it's the cherry mash. Just goes down smooth. All right, our own Logan went out to the Long Beach Comic Con. Logan probably ought to get somewhere near a microphone at this point. We're gonna go ahead and play, see if we can get the answers. Kind of like jaywalking, but it's nerd walking. All right, let's cue up the first one, shall we?
- [119:33]
Esther Povitsky
Do we explain? Sorry. To our new news girl. These are questions that nerds would have no business knowing. Unlikely they would know these answers.
- [119:41]
Bald Brian
And we'll gamble on it. Yeah. Might be obvious to you and I. Although, Esther, you look like you might qualify. But let's see. Here we go. Which team won what is referred to as the miracle on ice? Mm. Esther, do you know this one?
- [119:58]
Adam Carolla
I don't.
- [119:58]
Bald Brian
Being from the Midwest, this would be one, you know that might be up your alley. Miracle on Ice. But it's before your time. How old are you?
- [120:05]
Adam Carolla
I'm 22.
- [120:06]
Bald Brian
Oh, you're just a kid. Just a kid. Not even born.
- [120:09]
Giovanni
All right.
- [120:10]
Bald Brian
The miracle on ice is when the USA beat the Soviet.
- [120:14]
Adam Carolla
Oh, I saw the movie about it.
- [120:15]
Bald Brian
Yes, the much vaunted Soviet team. Not for the gold, by the way. People forget that. Go on, Play the Norwegians or Swedes or something.
- [120:24]
Esther Povitsky
Finland.
- [120:25]
Bald Brian
Finland.
- [120:25]
Esther Povitsky
Finland.
- [120:25]
Bald Brian
Finland. Yeah, they still had to beat Finland but they beat essentially professional hockey team back when we used to. When we used to suit up amateurs. That's right. All right, we're asking a nerd. Now, see, this is tough because they made a movie just recently.
- [120:39]
Esther Povitsky
Esther made my sort of guess point for me, which is he might not know this, but the movie came out a couple years ago. And I think he'll know it from the movie.
- [120:46]
Bald Brian
Esther.
- [120:46]
Adam Carolla
I'm gonna say I didn't know it. So although he's got that American flag T shirt on, I'll say he does know it.
- [120:52]
Esther Povitsky
All right, That's Captain America picture.
- [120:54]
Bald Brian
Wow. All right, I'm saying doesn't know. Esther saying doesn't know. Brian says does know. Here we go. Which team won what is referred to as the Miracle on Ice? The.
- [121:12]
Johnny Pemberton
Is that the 1980 U.S. hockey team?
- [121:17]
Bald Brian
Yes. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I like the Huey Lewis blaring in the background because Power of Love that must have been. They must have had a whole Back to the Future display. If I know my nerds. You like Huey Lewis in the news, by the way. A DeLorean pile of shit, slug of a car.
- [121:35]
Esther Povitsky
Would you blame that for just being the one production year, or is that. You think it would have fixed that, like, over the course of a few years?
- [121:40]
Bald Brian
It was during this time I saw.
- [121:42]
Esther Povitsky
A documentary on the documentary channel about it.
- [121:44]
Bald Brian
It was during a time when we couldn't figure out how pass emissions and get horsepower out of a car. So we just lowered compression, and when you lower compression, it's sort of like unplugging the car, like. And that thing had, I don't know, 145.
- [122:00]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'm a professional.
- [122:01]
Bald Brian
Yeah. You know about that. And it really. I mean, that car, literally, the DeLorean, 0 to 60, as fast or slow as any. Just bone stock minivan that is put out today. They had a little showing of all the cars from movies in front of the convention center. And the DeLorean was there with the Huey Lew song playing in the background. Wow. There. There's a shocker. See, I know my nerds. And also, by the way, Seth MacFarlane, if you want to know what nerds do when they get money. Seth I spoke to recently. Seth recently bought a tribute back to the future car where someone just takes a DeLorean and then goes down to Home Depot and gets a bunch of rigid conduit and some flex capacitor, flux capacitor, and bolts it all on there and then sells it to McFarland for 50 grand. And then I'M like, so that seems like a smart purchase, Seth. And he's like, yeah, you know. And I said, well, where's it now? And he's like, ah, it's getting the power steering and the air conditioning put into it because obviously Seth wants to drive the car. Oh, my God, it's gonna be awesome.
- [123:06]
Esther Povitsky
I guess that sort of answers my question. Would it be worth it to at least. I wouldn't say soup it up, but to sort of modernize it to like, you know, if you had the money, drop in a new engine and blah, blah, blah to make it drivable?
- [123:16]
Bald Brian
Yeah, but then you're the dick driving around in the DeLorean. That's awesome, though.
- [123:21]
Esther Povitsky
No, no, no, sorry. Not the actual back to the future model. I mean, if you were to buy a DeLorean for whatever, like five grand on eBay or something.
- [123:26]
Bald Brian
Yes, you could buy it. Cost you a little more than that, but you could buy one, sort of modernize it, put in, get a little better power plant and have sort of an interesting conversation. Piece of a car to drive around. All right. Oh, for. Let's see. I'm 04, Esther's 04, and Brian's got one. Yes. Let's keep moving. When referring to tires, what does PSI stand for?
- [123:54]
Adam Carolla
Esther, I'm gonna say he knows.
- [123:58]
Bald Brian
Do you know?
- [123:59]
Adam Carolla
No, I don't.
- [124:00]
Esther Povitsky
All right, Brian, I have no idea either. No, just kidding. But I'll say he doesn't know.
- [124:06]
Bald Brian
Do you know? Psn? Yeah. Okay.
- [124:08]
Esther Povitsky
Pounds per square inch.
- [124:09]
Bald Brian
All right, I'm taking it. Thanks. Sorry. This is a dick of me. That was a dickish thing to do. Pounds per square inch. Now, nerds, no technical stuff.
- [124:17]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [124:18]
Bald Brian
All right, so, Esther, you say.
- [124:19]
Adam Carolla
I say he knows it.
- [124:20]
Bald Brian
Brian says no, he won't. I say no as well. When referring to tires, what does PSI stand for? Pressure. Pressure per square inch. Or something that like. All right, so, Brian, two for two.
- [124:35]
Esther Povitsky
We're not taking that.
- [124:36]
Bald Brian
No.
- [124:37]
Esther Povitsky
Okay.
- [124:37]
Bald Brian
No. I need pounds. Well, conveniently, I need pounds. Because I'm right. If I. If I do that, Esther, your 22 year old ass is over, baby.
- [124:47]
Adam Carolla
Oh, my God.
- [124:48]
Bald Brian
Yeah. All right, let's keep going. Finish this phrase. A 101st blank division.
- [124:56]
Adam Carolla
I have no idea what that means. And I'm gonna say he doesn't either.
- [125:01]
Bald Brian
Let's see. 101 infantry. Arrow.
- [125:04]
Esther Povitsky
Airborne.
- [125:04]
Bald Brian
Airborne.
- [125:05]
Esther Povitsky
Wow, Mr. Mr. History Channel.
- [125:07]
Bald Brian
Took me a second. I said arrow. Took me a second. I gotta get to Airborne. I'm gonna go. No. Although these guys play a lot of video Games that has a lot of this stuff.
- [125:17]
Esther Povitsky
Nerds love to study. And that was a high school history thing, and it was world US History, senior year. I want to say yes. I like your video game analogy.
- [125:27]
Johnny Pemberton
Yes.
- [125:27]
Esther Povitsky
He'll know. He'll know.
- [125:28]
Bald Brian
All right, Esther.
- [125:30]
Adam Carolla
Okay. I'll say yes because of his T shirt.
- [125:32]
Bald Brian
It says Force on it, by the way. We're now taking pictures of these guys. Brute force says on it. I'm going to go. No. To see if I can tie bald Bryant. Finish this phrase. 101st blank division. Joy. Please say Joy. The sis. Oh, my God. All right, now, Brian's got a zero there. Esther. Jeez, you should be ashamed of yourself, young lady.
- [126:01]
Adam Carolla
I don't know nerds at all.
- [126:03]
Bald Brian
Do not know nerds. Brian and I tied up, by the way. Let's keep going. What kind of products does Everlast make? Whoa. That was awesome. Okay, that's a great question. Was that in the background?
- [126:17]
Esther Povitsky
Play it again.
- [126:18]
Bald Brian
What kind of products does Everlast? Me. They had the Camaro from Transformers out there. Yes.
- [126:25]
Esther Povitsky
Bumblebee. I mean, I have no idea who that was.
- [126:28]
Bald Brian
The Camaro. Yeah. All right. I feel like this has been on enough T shirts. I mean, 10 years ago, nobody knew. Like, this is like a Big Daddy Roth kind of thing or. Who am I trying to think of?
- [126:44]
Esther Povitsky
Ben Davis?
- [126:46]
Bald Brian
No, I'm. God damn it. I'm trying to think of the guy who did. Oh, shit.
- [126:52]
Esther Povitsky
Ed Hardy.
- [126:53]
Bald Brian
No, who's the guy did all the hot rod shit that's now got really cool a few years ago?
- [126:58]
Esther Povitsky
Dr. Drew.
- [126:59]
Bald Brian
Yeah. There you go.
- [127:01]
Esther Povitsky
Jesse James.
- [127:02]
Bald Brian
No, no, this. This guy from the 50s. This 50s hot rod. Oh, hot rod stuff up. Snake.
- [127:10]
Esther Povitsky
Shelby.
- [127:11]
Bald Brian
No. Somebody. Come on, one of you ass wipes, shout this thing out, would you, please? It's all over the place. A few years ago, okay, did all the. You know, he paid all the pinstriping and all the. All the hot rod stuff and.
- [127:24]
Esther Povitsky
Where's Sandy Gantz?
- [127:25]
Bald Brian
No, wait. What are ship foose.
- [127:27]
Esther Povitsky
What are we. By the way, what are we looking for here? Is it boxing trunks or we accepting clothing?
- [127:32]
Bald Brian
I'm pissed off now. Hold on a second. I'm going nuts. The guy did all the vintage 50s hot rod, whatever. And all the clothing line got really hip and cool. Melrose Avenue about five years ago. Maybe just a little bit more. And it was Von Dutch. Von Dutch. Thank you. Jesus Christ. You homos ought to hang your fucking heads. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We're homos because we don't know Von Dutch? Von Dutch.
- [128:00]
Adam Carolla
Come on, you got a 22 year.
- [128:02]
Bald Brian
Old from fucking Skokie who hasn't got a goddamn question right yet? He fucking smoked all your asses.
- [128:09]
Esther Povitsky
Smoked.
- [128:10]
Bald Brian
Well, Von Dutch, how. I'm out five minutes into this, Ruddery. How much more description would you need for Von Dutch? Thank you, baby. You're back in my good graces.
- [128:21]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [128:21]
Bald Brian
All right, now, where were we? So people didn't know Von Dutch. You know, you didn't know Von Dutch was a customizer or he did airbrush on tanks or whatever, but he came out with a clothing line. Yeah, his hats were big that everyone got hip on. Madonna wore them a while ago, so Everlast kind of did the same thing. You wouldn't know. They made speed bags and heavy bags and such, but then they came around. They've been around for over a hundred years, I think.
- [128:46]
Esther Povitsky
So we're looking for boxing equipment and. Or clothing. If you just say clothing, it's not gonna work.
- [128:51]
Bald Brian
Right?
- [128:51]
Adam Carolla
I think that counts.
- [128:54]
Bald Brian
Excuse me, sweetheart, but I'll be doing the thinning around here.
- [128:59]
Giovanni
How about leaving the jokes to Adam?
- [129:01]
Bald Brian
No, because you say, what kind of company is Everlast? And I'm gonna need to hear the boxing mixed into that somewhere, because that's really what they are. Clothing is not gonna work forever. Last.
- [129:11]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah. If you said Under Armour, they're saying clothes wouldn't work.
- [129:14]
Bald Brian
Right. Right. Okay. We don't need the condescending. I know you're riding high on your Von Dutch victory, but we don't need the condescending. Hmm. Okay. It's not right. It needs. Rephrase it one more time. Let's hear the question one more time. What kind of products does Everlast make? Yeah.
- [129:31]
Giovanni
Products.
- [129:32]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [129:33]
Bald Brian
Okay. It needs to be. It needs to be. Well, listen, Ford makes T shirts, too. But if you say, what kind of products does Ford make? You couldn't say hats. You gotta say Cars. All right, so there you go. I'm gonna say nos.
- [129:46]
Adam Carolla
I say no.
- [129:47]
Bald Brian
No way. Does not know.
- [129:48]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [129:48]
Esther Povitsky
And Louie, what the hell is he dressed at?
- [129:50]
Bald Brian
To Note to not. Is that looks like some kind of vampire? We're looking at the guy. Keep forgetting we're looking at the dude. Jesus Christ. There's a rapper. Everlast. All right, I'm gonna say fuck it. He knows. You say he doesn't know. No way. Here we go. What kind of products does Everlast? Me, batteries. I heard it. What kind of products does Everlast make? Boxing. Yes. And Corolla jumps out to fucking commanding lead of 1. Look out world commanding. Esther, you want to just go wait in the corner or you want to finish up?
- [130:31]
Adam Carolla
I'll carry on.
- [130:33]
Bald Brian
Here's what I'm going to say to you, sweetie. It takes every bit as much skill to get none of them right as it does to run the table and get them all right. Every bit. I would reckon it would take me longer to get every single one of them wrong than it would to get every single one right. If it makes you feel any better, it's a technique. Like if you want to, you know, if you went to the track and every single horse you picked came in dead last, that's a fuck. It's its own skill, right? It's its own useless, horrible skill, but it's. You know what I'm saying?
- [131:05]
Esther Povitsky
Kind of like the sound drops.
- [131:06]
Bald Brian
Yes, it's its own skill. All right, here we go. Bonus. This is it. Last question. Ball, Brian. Here we go. I'll go first. Name two boxes with the nickname Sugar Ray. Two boxers with the name Sugar Ray. Esther don't know. Well, now you got Sugar Ray Leonard. You got Sugar Shane Mosley, but that's confusing. And you got Sugar Ray Robinson.
- [131:33]
Adam Carolla
Okay?
- [131:33]
Bald Brian
And it's a guy looks sort of Asian, a little bit older. I'm gonna say, does not know, even though Leonard's a layup and Robinson is a fucking hall of Famer, But I'm gonna say doesn't know.
- [131:45]
Esther Povitsky
My one saving grace is this is the same nerd who knew the US Hockey team. Oh, you locked in.
- [131:52]
Bald Brian
But doesn't matter.
- [131:52]
Esther Povitsky
There's no way, you know, Sugar Ray Robinson. Sugar Ray Robinson is obscure to the normal person.
- [131:57]
Bald Brian
Sugar Ray Robinson was in one of the greatest movies ever, Raging Bull. Sugar Ray Robinson was Jake LaMotta's nemesis that entire movie, and his name probably came up 30 times. So if you watched Raging Bull and by the way, Sugar Ray Robinson was, you know, there's some of these guys, it's like, oh, yeah, you see that old school guy with, you know, Gentleman Jim Corbett and his fist up. Sugar Ray Robinson was a magician in the ring. Would knock people out with a left hand uppercuts lightning fast. I mean, he was a dancer.
- [132:38]
Esther Povitsky
I don't know boxing. But is that the kind of gloves they used?
- [132:40]
Bald Brian
Those tough. No, he's working out those using bag gloves. He was a magician. I mean, he was the basically way ahead of his time. And it's just a crazy athletic specimen who was, you know, 160 fights without being knocked out.
- [132:57]
Esther Povitsky
Also violates my, my, my law against claiming other nicknames you know what I'm saying? Leonard's famous and all that stuff, but come on, Sugar.
- [133:05]
Bald Brian
But I don't know. I think got a good chance here. Here we go. You says do know, I say don't know. And I forgot we're staring at the same guy. I knew the hockey question, so here we go.
- [133:12]
Adam Carolla
I say, he knows.
- [133:13]
Bald Brian
Name two boxes with the nickname Sugar Ray.
- [133:16]
Esther Povitsky
Two boxers.
- [133:18]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Leonard and Tony. That's Lights Out. Out Tony. As I stepped on it. You should. I was gonna let you say James. Lights Out Tony. All right. Speaking of Lights out. Yeah. Yes. New York Times best selling author and winner. Nay. Winner of Gay walking. No, nay. Winner of Nerd walking and New York Times best selling author. Adam Carolla's taking that one to the bat.
- [133:53]
Esther Povitsky
Don't bury the lead.
- [133:54]
Bald Brian
Yeah. All right. Thank you. Outro, please.
- [133:57]
Esther Povitsky
Oh, that's right. Here we go.
- [134:04]
Bald Brian
Made possible by Jeremiah Weed. Johnny Pemberton. Johnny. By the way, speaking of fighters, there's a fighter named Pemberton. Pemberton. Do you know that guy?
- [134:21]
Johnny Pemberton
No. There's a lot of Pembertons out there, so there's enough.
- [134:26]
Bald Brian
Nice work, Logan. Yeah. Find that fighter I had. Shit. Oh, shit. Light heavyweight. A super middleweight. Pepperdine. I gotta figure his name out. Anyway. Guy fought some pretty good fights. Anyway.
- [134:40]
Esther Povitsky
Just ask Esther. She'll tell you all about him.
- [134:42]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, Good.
- [134:43]
Bald Brian
But I think he had a P instead of a B, where Johnny's B is, but. Good. See you, Johnny.
- [134:49]
Johnny Pemberton
Good to see you.
- [134:50]
Bald Brian
How's the show going?
- [134:51]
Johnny Pemberton
It's great. It's all. It's all been done for a while now, so I'm safe and at home now. But it's. The show was a blast to make.
- [134:59]
Bald Brian
What was the scariest?
- [135:01]
Johnny Pemberton
Scariest? There's a lot of things. It's hard to figure that out. I think the scariest thing for me was definitely when I was riding up in a man bucket on a crane that was driving. And I threw a likeness of myself out of the crane. And we had a. A stunt driver pull in front of the crane so he had to stop really fast. And I threw it out and it smashed the $5,000 windshield on the crane. And then he rolled over and he thought he had just fucking killed me, but I was fine up there.
- [135:27]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah, it was your body, it was your likeness, but the.
- [135:31]
Johnny Pemberton
The supports on the man basket both broke. So I was swinging really like 50ft up in the air, and I thought I was gonna fall out and die.
- [135:37]
Esther Povitsky
Man basket.
- [135:38]
Bald Brian
That does sound like something Lycus Would advertise.
- [135:40]
Esther Povitsky
I should have named my fantasy team the Man Basket.
- [135:43]
Bald Brian
Listen, when you're done with that amateur hour known as the Fleshlight, it's time to step up to the Man Basket.
- [135:51]
Johnny Pemberton
There's no better name for it.
- [135:52]
Bald Brian
I'm sorry. There's a picture of Pemberton. What the fuck is Scott? Oh, it is Pepperton. Pemberton. Same as you, right?
- [136:00]
Johnny Pemberton
Yeah, but that's not me. I don't know that much.
- [136:02]
Bald Brian
But why the fuck don't you know who he is?
- [136:04]
Johnny Pemberton
I don't know. I usually get the Civil War general and the guy invented Coca Cola because we have the exact same first name as well.
- [136:11]
Bald Brian
Oh, really?
- [136:12]
Johnny Pemberton
But I'm not related to either of those guys at all.
- [136:13]
Bald Brian
But you don't know Scotty? No.
- [136:15]
Johnny Pemberton
Scott Pemberton.
- [136:16]
Bald Brian
All right, well, there he is.
- [136:17]
Esther Povitsky
You're not alone.
- [136:18]
Bald Brian
Yeah, all right. There he is, by the way, getting his ass kicked by the guy who was in my movie, Jeff Left Hook Lacey, if you recognize the crazy physique. Must be nice to be black. No goddamn waist and just 19 inch arms on that motherfucker. Either way, where were we? Oh, I was gonna call you Scott for a second, Johnny. And now, how did this show begin? I mean, what's the genesis of it?
- [136:44]
Johnny Pemberton
The genesis? I mean, I was modeling for Getty's for a little bit and they found me at a Target parking lot. Actually, no, it was just. I just auditioned for. It was something simple as that.
- [136:54]
Bald Brian
Somebody came up with it. But had you done stunt work, stunt driving, anything like that?
- [136:58]
Johnny Pemberton
I know nothing of it. I'm a horrible driver and I'm not at all qualified for anything I was doing. That's kind of the point of the show, is that I have no reason to be there doing that whatsoever.
- [137:09]
Bald Brian
And, you know, like anyone who's a fan of Top Gear, the UK version, about three, four years ago, the little guy, I can't think of his name, I should know it by now, he went and test drove a rocket car and at 300 miles an hour, wheel just blew up. Just literally blew up. And the thing went to a crazy spin and rolled 20 times and he went into a coma, like, almost died. This stuff. It's that kind of, hey, he's gonna wrestle a bear. It seems all very fun and cameras rolling, all that kind of stuff. But when a tire blows out at 300 miles an hour, which it can do, you're no longer an actor, right?
- [137:50]
Johnny Pemberton
You're just holding on.
- [137:51]
Bald Brian
You're holding on for dear fucking life. And you can End up in a coma.
- [137:54]
Johnny Pemberton
That was the case of most. The show, too, was. I wasn't really acting at all. Just screaming obscenities, constantly trying not to throw up. And, yeah, I ran out of swear words.
- [138:03]
Bald Brian
How about the stunt plane?
- [138:04]
Johnny Pemberton
The stunt plane was great.
- [138:05]
Bald Brian
That.
- [138:05]
Johnny Pemberton
Well, actually, it was horrible. It was. It was fun for about five minutes. It was incredible to drive, because to fly, because it's so easy to fly. If you. To do a loop, you just pull back on the stick, and it just goes right. There's no nuance to it at all. It just does it effortlessly.
- [138:21]
Bald Brian
What those guys do in those stunt planes. First off, there's a couple things that are super hairy. Like, people look at the X Games and they go, ooh, wow, man. That's pretty hairy. But I'll tell you something. Like, the Reno air races are hairy. That is. You're 30ft above the ground. You're going 550 miles an hour in a P51. And if some. If you clip something, you go right into the ground and disintegrate. You die. You don't. Like, hey, he busted his collarbone or he's not gonna walk, right? For a couple weeks, you just. Boom, boom, die. Pow. And the stunt plane guys, those guys snap those things around. I mean, they don't go, oh, we're gonna go into a barrel roll. They snap it. When they do those knife edges and everything, right?
- [139:06]
Johnny Pemberton
And they don't even do, like, barrel rolls. They do, like, thing where it's, like, tumbling. It looks like it's not even flying.
- [139:11]
Bald Brian
It isn't flying.
- [139:12]
Johnny Pemberton
It's just out of control, twisting to the sky and. Yeah, you can't make. Can't have. No. I have no idea what was going on. And next thing I know, I'm vomiting on myself as we're making the descent.
- [139:22]
Bald Brian
They put the parachute on you, right?
- [139:24]
Johnny Pemberton
Yeah, I had the parachute. You sit on it. It's like this weird contraption where you have to. I don't know. It's like a couch cushion under your ass. Yeah.
- [139:31]
Bald Brian
You know what's weird about the vomiting in the aircraft? Anyone who's ever partied and driven, like, went on a road trip part. Like, you know, like, you know, when I was in high school, I was in a vw, and I was in the seat VW station wagon, and I heaved all over myself, and my buddy was sitting next to me because I chugged too much. You know, the cheap bottle wine, you know, white wine. And like, a. This thing didn't even come in a box. It Came in like a basketball or something and I chugged too much of it and I heaved all over the. You know, and of course, everyone in the car. It's your worst nightmare, right? Some other guy heaves, now you're gonna heave, or it's like, ah, fucking open a window, dude. Like, this is horrible, right? I mean, somebody heaves in a bus that you're in and it's fucking brutal in a cockpit of an F18 when a dude heaves. Fucking. So if you're the pilot of the guy of the blue angel, who's gonna get the country star sitting behind you like, yeah, I'm gonna get you to heave, like, who's the fucking joke on Duke? Well, he just heaved in the cockpit of your plane. That's your plane.
- [140:35]
Esther Povitsky
One guy feels better, one guy feels worse.
- [140:37]
Bald Brian
And the point is, is ain't nothing smaller than a cockpit. That's a smart car and somebody heaved in it and you ain't getting out for a while. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
- [140:46]
Johnny Pemberton
Well, that's why I got in trouble. Because what you're supposed to do, which he did, failed to tell me before I threw up everywhere, is that you're supposed to pull open your flight suit and vomit down your chest. That's like. That's like the technical way to do it. Because that way you don't mess up the controls in the aircraft. But I did the exact opposite. I shot it all over, everywhere in front of me. I didn't think it was actually gonna happen. So.
- [141:06]
Bald Brian
Right. You blasted.
- [141:09]
Johnny Pemberton
It was ridiculous.
- [141:11]
Bald Brian
I put a. Well, first off, the huge lunch, I.
- [141:14]
Johnny Pemberton
Know it was the biggest mistake I made. That was the. Was early on the show and I definitely learned from it. We shot with a Czechoslovakian fighter jet later and was pulling like seven GS in that. And I managed to not to remember not to have a huge lunch. I just ate whatever the pilot ate. I watched him drinking half a Coca Cola and like a few crackers, and that was good.
- [141:32]
Giovanni
This is.
- [141:33]
Bald Brian
This ranks up there with Jimmy Kimmel's huevos rancheros before we went out on a half day boat. Just like the craziest thing in the world. But Jimmy gets seasick. I mean, he gets motion sickness. He can't fly to Vegas without having a bag on his lap and literally threw up snorkeling. He snorkels. He throws up into a fucking snorkel, Brian. Everyone just made a face like, wow. So I was wondering why he doesn't.
- [142:04]
Esther Povitsky
Take like Dramamine or something.
- [142:05]
Bald Brian
He does he does now or whatever, but he didn't. He fucking loves fishing. But he has crazy motion sickness, right? So many, many years ago, many fucking years ago, me and him decide we're going on a half day boat out of El Segundo. And the half day boat leaves at like 5am and it just comes back at 5pm and it's pretty simple. It's a half day, that's, that's 12 hours. That's the way it works. So we go, all right, all right, let's do it. And you know, we're not celebrities. He's doing some radio, I'm doing some radio and we're psyched up about it. So he does, Jimmy's one of these guys where if he goes to the airport, he goes there three hours early kind of thing. So I'm like, what time the boat leaves at 5am what time do you want to get to my apartment to look a lake? And he's like, like 2, 2am you know. And I remember we just stayed up all night. We just pretty much stayed up all night. And we drove down by the way, El Segundo at three in the morning. There's not a shitload of traffic. You know, we were down there in 35, 40 minutes. Next thing you know, we're in El Segundo. It's like 3:15 and the boat ain't going anywhere for long. It's the middle of the night. So we go, fuck it, let's get something to eat. So me and Jimmy walk into an all night Mexican diner in the middle of El Segundo. And it was almost like you'd almost hear the needle drag across and the two white guys like, hello, like we're seeing Otis, Otis my man, you know, and we come walking in like, oh, and it's just a bunch of crazy Mexican locals in there. And we sit down and Jimmy proceeds to order the huevos rancheros. And like hardcore with the eggs barely cooked, slopping everywhere and the beans and the whole nine yards, he, he chugs that thing down. We're, we're getting out of the harbor about 5:15 in the morning. Jimmy yaks all over like some falls asleep on top of the deck, on top of a hatch about 6 inches above the deck, like half on the hatch. Guys putting their, his body is in like what a chalk outline is on. It's literally like he fell off of something and landed on this thing. And guys are setting their tackle box down around him and stepping on him. And he's just past that for 12 hours he's passed out on a deck with guys just change smoking, you know, pulling their tackle boxes out front. But I just thought the Wavos Ranchero is not a great choice.
- [144:31]
Esther Povitsky
He didn't even have the wherewithal to go to the side of the boat. He was so out of it.
- [144:35]
Bald Brian
I think he may have heaved off the side of the boat in the, you know, the 10 minutes into our 12 hour journey and then just passed out after that. And by the way, just quickly, our good buddy, speaking of Jimmy, it's his birthday today and it's also Donnie's birthday today. And guess whose party wins out every year? Jimmy's party. But we should tip the cap to our the grandfather of podcasting, the man behind the colonel, Tom Parker of podcasting, Donnie Mizrahi, 46 years young today. Yeah, put your hands together. God love him. All right. Sorry, Johnny. Where were we?
- [145:15]
Johnny Pemberton
I was really enjoying the vomit story.
- [145:17]
Bald Brian
So you flew in the Mig Astro?
- [145:21]
Johnny Pemberton
Yeah, it's something like that. Some kind of a MiG sort of thing. It's from like 1979 or something. It's like a trainer jet. They used to have a cold war training jet.
- [145:28]
Bald Brian
And what'd you do on four wheels?
- [145:30]
Johnny Pemberton
Four wheels. Shot with so many things. Shot with the aerial atom that was.
- [145:33]
Bald Brian
Like right away, fast car, crashed that.
- [145:35]
Johnny Pemberton
The first day of shooting.
- [145:37]
Bald Brian
Ariel Adam is a street legal, essentially race car. It's like really very super lightweight.
- [145:43]
Johnny Pemberton
High winding, accelerates faster than I think anything, right I or something faster than anything street lady.
- [145:49]
Bald Brian
It's way, way, way up there. It's in the, in the mid twos, high twos in the 0 to 60 department. Very fast.
- [145:56]
Johnny Pemberton
Yeah, it was fun. We took a really like a 400 pound dude and put him in there next to me and had a bunch of slow motion cameras capturing the ripples on his body as we accelerated to 100 miles an hour.
- [146:06]
Bald Brian
So that was fun. It's MTV's version of Top Gear and Jackass. And did you sustain any injuries?
- [146:15]
Johnny Pemberton
I didn't sustain any injuries. Nothing more than just being completely and totally sore every day when I woke up because half the vehicles, like this one thing I rode was a thing called a brimstone bike. It's this, it's. It's a quadricycle, which kind of makes no sense. It's a, it's a motorcycle, but it's a car. So it's like you're riding this motorcycle and that thing, it's, you know, it's like riding a horse or something. So it's really hard to stay on and whipping shitties everywhere and stuff. So that thing had me incredibly sore after writing. But basically I managed to not get hurt at all. Even though there was a couple times where I thought I was gonna die.
- [146:47]
Bald Brian
Probably should have.
- [146:48]
Johnny Pemberton
Yeah. The next episode that's on Tonight, I drive this gigantic motorcycle. It's like this 16 foot tall cartoon of a motorcycle that some guy custom built. It's called the big dream bike because it's his dream. He sunk I don't know how many hundreds of thousands of dollars in to make it what we did. We took that thing off this. Off this jump to jump over a bunch of bikes and the ramp busted to pieces and the thing almost toppled over, in which case I would have been inside this would have bounced around inside this cage of metal and probably would have broke something.
- [147:16]
Bald Brian
How does the thing have like a sort of an outrigger or training wheel?
- [147:20]
Johnny Pemberton
It has these tiny training wheels, but they're so small then. And we went off this jump. It just was so unstable. It was this close to.
- [147:27]
Bald Brian
Why is this guy letting you potentially wreck his big dream of a bike? Wow.
- [147:32]
Johnny Pemberton
That was the big question of the show. I think it was just the insurance. I actually did wreck this bike. I broke the drive shaft because I gave it too much gas. Right here, this part right here. And yeah, the drive shaft broke. That was like some huge, rugged, custom built piece of the machine.
- [147:46]
Bald Brian
There's no helmet law where this cat's from, huh? You think you'd toss a helmet on when you got on the world's biggest motorcycle?
- [147:53]
Johnny Pemberton
Yeah, I think I had it on later, but there was somehow we just.
- [147:57]
Bald Brian
Forgot putting it on at the hotel. I'm no safety expert. Once you get back to the hotel, it doesn't do you a whole lot of good.
- [148:04]
Johnny Pemberton
It doesn't.
- [148:04]
Bald Brian
So this is. You just were watching footage by the way of Johnny just hauling ass at now down the street.
- [148:11]
Johnny Pemberton
A lot of things broke. I managed to break a lot of things. Not really trying to, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I have something. Some weird quality about me that breaks these machines also.
- [148:20]
Bald Brian
You know when guys are building one off things and you know, not exactly Lexus over here. And keep in mind the guy built. It's insane.
- [148:29]
Johnny Pemberton
Yeah, definitely. Definitely an eccentric guy.
- [148:31]
Esther Povitsky
The relentless pursuit of insanity.
- [148:33]
Bald Brian
Right. I love it. You know, and everyone always thinks about these guys, but I always think about their. Why?
- [148:39]
Johnny Pemberton
Well, some of them don't have wives.
- [148:42]
Bald Brian
Hold on, hold on. What?
- [148:45]
Johnny Pemberton
Some of them.
- [148:45]
Bald Brian
Oh, thank God. I Was sitting down. All right, so anyway, the show on MTV Mega Drive. And on MTV tonight, 10:30 and let's see. Esther, should we keep on keeping on with your news, by the way? And, Johnny, you just jump in.
- [149:03]
Johnny Pemberton
All right, I'll jump in.
- [149:06]
Bald Brian
And now the rest of the news with Esther. Lauren.
- [149:12]
Adam Carolla
I've got a story from Vivid Entertainment.
- [149:15]
Bald Brian
Yeah, you do.
- [149:17]
Adam Carolla
Their next big porn spoof is going to be about the feud between Kanye west and Taylor Swift.
- [149:24]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah, that's fertile soil. Yeah, I would definitely watch that.
- [149:31]
Adam Carolla
Very inappropriate. They're starting filming in the next two months and they're very excited about it.
- [149:36]
Bald Brian
Well, you get a chick who looks something like Taylor and you get a dude that looks something like Kanye, and I think we can do the math.
- [149:42]
Esther Povitsky
Where are they gonna find those people?
- [149:44]
Bald Brian
Yeah, it's hard to find the tall blondes in the porn industry. And the men of color. Yeah. Rarely see that.
- [149:49]
Adam Carolla
Well, they usually use people that are already porn stars. I did Sarah Palin porn. The girl. I met her at a comedy show.
- [149:58]
Bald Brian
Hold on. You're saying they don't joke? Just go down to the shopping malls and go, hey, young lady, how old are you?
- [150:04]
Adam Carolla
Well, they could 18.
- [150:05]
Bald Brian
Is anyone interesting? All right. Oh, where are you attending college?
- [150:09]
Esther Povitsky
You just grab yourself a stuff type.
- [150:11]
Bald Brian
Stanford. Okay. How'd you like to make $75 and do some coke? So you're saying they go. They shop from within the porn industry. Right.
- [150:19]
Adam Carolla
Because the Nayland Palin star, she was, like, upset that now she's only known as the Sarah Palin porn impersonator.
- [150:26]
Bald Brian
Whereas before she was known as the just nothing.
- [150:29]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, exactly. She's like, I did por for 10.
- [150:31]
Bald Brian
Years, and now I was known as a coker.
- [150:34]
Esther Povitsky
And now get that drop.
- [150:36]
Adam Carolla
She's very disappointed.
- [150:37]
Johnny Pemberton
She works so hard for that.
- [150:38]
Bald Brian
But you're saying they pull within their own ranks, Right? Like when the Dallas Cowboys need a new head football coach. They didn't. They didn't go to the mall.
- [150:48]
Esther Povitsky
That's why I have a practice. Practice squad.
- [150:50]
Bald Brian
Okay, I got you now. All right.
- [150:54]
Esther Povitsky
The porn practice squad. Can you imagine that?
- [150:56]
Bald Brian
Yeah.
- [150:56]
Esther Povitsky
Listen, look, we only have 2:53 spots on this porn roster.
- [151:00]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [151:00]
Bald Brian
But you will be able to travel with the team. Right. And what you're going to need to do is, you know, if we're going up against Ron Jeremy, we're going to need you to simulate his cock for practice.
- [151:10]
Esther Povitsky
Well, I. At least get the players doing that ahead of time.
- [151:12]
Bald Brian
No mind proving it's not going to take a lot of snaps. Go ahead.
- [151:16]
Adam Carolla
Sorry, Indiana Jones 5.
- [151:19]
Bald Brian
Are you fucking shitting me?
- [151:21]
Adam Carolla
Maybe not yet.
- [151:21]
Bald Brian
But the last one, Blue Hippo Ass.
- [151:25]
Adam Carolla
No, that's.
- [151:28]
Bald Brian
The porn was. The last one was fucking insulting. Like, it was just that bad. And the thing that drives me insane, I don't mind the bad movies. I really don't. Because everyone makes shitty movies. I mind a couple of things. I mind it when somebody's talking to Spielberg or whoever the fuck wrote it and it went like, hey, what's up? And it was like, hey, man, you can't rush greatness. Like, I've been working on this script for 12 years. Like, you know, it's like, I will serve no wine before its time. Like when. When George Clooney said mea culpa on. On. On Ocean's Eleven 2. But we're back for the super shitty Ocean's Eleven 3. Or when Rob Schneider said, I can't come in and do Loveline because I have writer's block because I'm working on Deuce bigelow, European Gigolo 2. And then you see the final product. That's when you get angry. Like I was with it until I saw the final product of Indiana Jones five or four, whatever it was. And then I was fucking livid.
- [152:32]
Esther Povitsky
Like, most famous example of that, by the way, Michael Caine missed the Oscars. The one where he won for, I think Hand and Her Sisters, because he was filming Jaws 3. Or Jaws 3.
- [152:42]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Oh, really? There you go. There you go. This thing, I mean, it makes you. What did Spielberg write? The who wrote this last one may.
- [152:52]
Esther Povitsky
Have been Frank Darabont, but whoever wrote.
- [152:53]
Bald Brian
It was really like, needs a fucking PET scan. Like something's up with their fucking brain.
- [152:59]
Esther Povitsky
There was nothing. I'm not exaggerating. There's nothing redeemable about that movie. It was awful. Start to finish, half an hour too long. I would say, two and a half hours too long.
- [153:08]
Bald Brian
If one of those guys was in the room with me, I would tell them that the first 20 minutes was palatable. But I mean, it's fine. Even though it was ridiculous. Like being shot at by a thousand Nazis and never. But the rest of it was just ridiculous. Like, hey, I'm driving a VW thing and I got a plan. I'm gonna drive off a cliff. That's your plan? And the old man falling down the ever growing waterfalls and he dusts himself off when he gets out of the river like an 80 year old. The fucking skull just. The whole thing was just a. Was a piece of shit. It was just a piece of Shit.
- [153:44]
Johnny Pemberton
It was just an extension of the Disneyland ride. Basically they took the five minute Disneyland ride and made it into.
- [153:50]
Bald Brian
Feel like five hours. Yes. It was fucking horrible. Sorry. Go ahead.
- [153:53]
Adam Carolla
It did well in the box office though. 786 million. But how many million? 786.
- [154:01]
Bald Brian
That's okay.
- [154:02]
Giovanni
Wait.
- [154:03]
Esther Povitsky
Yebbit. Still.
- [154:04]
Bald Brian
Yeah, but still. Thank you. Sorry, I forgot to use my. Yeah, but still.
- [154:08]
Adam Carolla
But it's not confirmed yet. Basically, Harrison Ford just kind of wants it to happen because he said, you know, the premiere of his morning Glory movies, like if the three of us could get together, I want to do it. Spielberg and George Lucas, he wants it.
- [154:22]
Bald Brian
Really?
- [154:22]
Johnny Pemberton
He wants to die making a movie.
- [154:24]
Adam Carolla
He's pushing for it.
- [154:25]
Bald Brian
Can he make. Let's aim for four and a half this time, fellas. Let's set our sights. Let's put the bar up to four and a half now. See if we can do it. It's always amazing when people who do this for a living, and I mean technically some of the most skilled people on the planet, but storyline just a pile of shit. By the way, why did the aliens want to kill the guy who returned the crystal skull to them? It was a piece of shit anyway. Sorry, let's not do this. Let's fucking boycott this piece of shit, everybody. Sorry.
- [154:59]
Adam Carolla
There's a study on the 20 flirtiest countries on Earth. And America ranks as number 19. Spain is number one. Sort of interesting.
- [155:10]
Johnny Pemberton
How do they measure that?
- [155:12]
Adam Carolla
I guess they're trying to see how. Which women advance. It's based on what? The women advancing on men.
- [155:19]
Bald Brian
It's. It's whoresque.
- [155:20]
Adam Carolla
Yes, it is.
- [155:22]
Esther Povitsky
Sammy Hawkins.
- [155:23]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Yeah. Let's see.
- [155:25]
Adam Carolla
Poland is number two.
- [155:26]
Bald Brian
Poland, really? You wouldn't think about. You wouldn't think of Poland for that. Dominican Republic. Argentina.
- [155:35]
Esther Povitsky
Argentina tied. There's no separation.
- [155:38]
Johnny Pemberton
They couldn't figure it out.
- [155:39]
Bald Brian
By the way, to break that tie. Like, did they have to do that one where they like Tanya go fuck that guy. I don't even know him.
- [155:47]
Giovanni
We gotta break.
- [155:49]
Bald Brian
Do it for Argentina. Come on, we gotta break the fucking deadlock. We got a stale. We got a horse stalemate here. Brazil, Chile, Portugal and Canada. I'm making my vacation plans for next year, so I'm trying to figure this one out.
- [156:04]
Esther Povitsky
Canada's flirty.
- [156:05]
Bald Brian
I don't look at it that way. But Germany's up there. Colombia. Does raping count, by the way? Like you being a victim of rape. Does that count as flirting in Colombia? Mexico, France, Belgium, United States, Ecuador right behind Ecuador. Wow. We're getting our Ass kicked by Ecuador. Come on, ladies. Get out there and start whoring it up. Let's go. I'm gonna see us up in the. That's what. See us in the mid teens. At least by the time Indiana Jones 5 comes out. I want to be. I want to be single digits. All right, come on, ladies, let's get. Let's get a clit in. Let's hoard. Let's. Come on, break it down. Let's start. Horn it up. Let's go now. All right.
- [156:46]
Adam Carolla
Some interesting information about Barack Obama's childhood was released yesterday. When he was growing up in Indonesia, his nanny was a tranny.
- [156:54]
Johnny Pemberton
A tranny nanny.
- [156:55]
Bald Brian
Wow.
- [156:56]
Adam Carolla
A, well, openly gay transvestite nanny, but.
- [156:59]
Bald Brian
One of the best Dr. Seuss books ever come down the pipe.
- [157:03]
Esther Povitsky
Tranny. The nanny.
- [157:04]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Would you eat that box even if she was a fox? That chick's got no dick. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
- [157:17]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [157:17]
Bald Brian
I think Barack's dad was a pretty interesting piece of work, too. He had, like, eight kids with four chicks and got his, like, alcoholic. Got his legs cut. Amputated or something. Got ran over by train or something. Or something wildly fucked up about pops. Barack, too. We gotta do a little checking on that.
- [157:37]
Johnny Pemberton
Hit by a train.
- [157:41]
Bald Brian
If memory serves, he was a sort of ne' er do. Well, he did a lot of drinking. He, I think, sired eight kids from maybe three or four different ladies.
- [157:55]
Esther Povitsky
I like, sired.
- [157:56]
Bald Brian
Yeah, he's a real stallion. It sounds like a delight. Can't judge, though. That makes you racist. And he, I think, had his. I think he had his legs amputated after some sort of drunken accident. And. And then when people go, they go. Then they judge, you know, they go. And then he continued to drink. Well, at that point, first off, I'd say he made a commitment to booze. And then secondly. Oh, once the legs get amputated.
- [158:26]
Giovanni
Absolutely.
- [158:26]
Bald Brian
Bring on the booze. Yeah. What are you doing at that point? Not training for the marathon.
- [158:31]
Esther Povitsky
Takes less to get you drunk, too. Less blood.
- [158:33]
Bald Brian
That's a good point. Yeah.
- [158:34]
Esther Povitsky
Less to travel.
- [158:36]
Johnny Pemberton
You could store it down there, too.
- [158:37]
Bald Brian
They need my leg.
- [158:38]
Johnny Pemberton
Your false leg with your news compartment.
- [158:41]
Bald Brian
Yeah. I mean, when you're going and when can't. When Stanford's playing. Cal, you want to go in? All right, let's see. Read. Read that ball, Brian, if you can see it.
- [158:49]
Esther Povitsky
Senior later lost both legs in another automobile collision and subsequently lost his job. Well, that's terrible.
- [158:55]
Bald Brian
Yeah, I think. But probably a little bit of drunk driving involved there. That's.
- [158:59]
Esther Povitsky
My God. Then after that, he fathered Another son named George.
- [159:01]
Adam Carolla
Oh, my God.
- [159:02]
Bald Brian
After he lost his legs, he's determined. How many kids did he have?
- [159:08]
Esther Povitsky
Doesn't say.
- [159:09]
Bald Brian
All right, again, can't judge. Impossible to judge.
- [159:13]
Esther Povitsky
Oh, he has four total children.
- [159:15]
Bald Brian
Four kids? That's what it says. Oh, okay. Well, now I'm wrong.
- [159:18]
Esther Povitsky
With 1, 2, 3, 5.
- [159:20]
Bald Brian
Five wives.
- [159:22]
Esther Povitsky
Possibly four women.
- [159:24]
Bald Brian
Possibly four women, yeah. Awesome. Nice job.
- [159:27]
Esther Povitsky
With. With. With. Yeah, with four different women.
- [159:28]
Bald Brian
All right, so. So there it was. Four kids with four children. Checks. Can't judge. Awesome job. And he had a tranny.
- [159:35]
Adam Carolla
Tranny nanny.
- [159:36]
Bald Brian
Tranny nanny.
- [159:37]
Johnny Pemberton
Did Obama know that, you think? At the time. I wonder if he had any idea.
- [159:40]
Bald Brian
I don't think he could. I don't think he would know that.
- [159:42]
Esther Povitsky
Oh, sorry. Seven kids with four women. Thank you for clearing that up for us there.
- [159:46]
Bald Brian
Now it's all coming to focus. Seven kids, four women, and again, impossible to judge.
- [159:52]
Adam Carolla
And they called him the boy who runs like a duck. That was Obama. That was our president.
- [159:57]
Esther Povitsky
That's a mean thing to say with someone with no legs. Oh, it's so.
- [160:00]
Bald Brian
Oh, no, no, no, bruh. And it was a tranny, huh?
- [160:05]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [160:05]
Bald Brian
Why do you. Well, first off, now, is it pre. Do we know if it's pre op or post op? Because there's. There's transsexual.
- [160:19]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [160:19]
Bald Brian
Post op, pre op, and I think pre op. Well, now there's. There's transsexual and then there's transgender.
- [160:28]
Esther Povitsky
Never assume.
- [160:29]
Bald Brian
And in transgenders, when you get this shit, that's when you pull the goal. Yeah. That's the commitment there. I feel like transsexual. That could. That. You know, that could be a phase. Yeah.
- [160:42]
Johnny Pemberton
You can bounce back from that.
- [160:44]
Bald Brian
It'd be like if you're in the new wave romantic phase or something in high school, you dressed like Duran Duran. There'll be some pretty embarrassing pictures, but you can bounce back from that, Anderson. Yeah, but the transgender. That's. Ain't no. Ain't no coming home from that. Mm. You can't unring that bell.
- [161:03]
Johnny Pemberton
You can't just. Well, I guess you probably could, though. They probably have some sort of. Someone's had it done.
- [161:07]
Bald Brian
Well, yeah, I mean, you go back. Yeah.
- [161:11]
Johnny Pemberton
There's gotta be a limit, though, how many times you can just take that piece of skin and do something with it.
- [161:15]
Bald Brian
Yeah, you're right. I think it's four and a half. Okay.
- [161:20]
Johnny Pemberton
And that's the.
- [161:22]
Bald Brian
Yeah, it's the over under on the transgender thing. You have a last story, Esther.
- [161:26]
Adam Carolla
Yes. We've got the New Jersey hall of fame class of 2011. The top three, the people that are fighting for this little award is John Travolta, Bruce Willis, and Michael Douglas.
- [161:39]
Bald Brian
Mmm. Well, you gotta give it to Douglas because he's ill, right? Don't you?
- [161:44]
Esther Povitsky
Well, Travolta, who else? And Douglas.
- [161:47]
Adam Carolla
Travolta. Willis and Douglas.
- [161:49]
Bald Brian
Bruce Willis. Well, Bruce Willis and Travolta can get it anytime they like.
- [161:54]
Johnny Pemberton
They got plenty of time.
- [161:55]
Bald Brian
You got to give it to Douglas.
- [161:56]
Esther Povitsky
Yes, I agree.
- [161:57]
Bald Brian
You know what I mean? Plus, he's a legacy actor.
- [161:59]
Esther Povitsky
After those two, though, we had a debate early on in the film vault of who was the ultimately the more successful TV actor turned movie star. Bruce Willis. John Travolta. I chose Willis. But it was close. I mean, we can make case compellingly free of the one.
- [162:15]
Johnny Pemberton
I think Willis too, because he's not as crazy as John Travolta too.
- [162:18]
Bald Brian
I think Willis has made and I should say been a part of more interesting films. I mean, obviously Pulp Fiction's a push, although he had a bigger part in it. But after that, first off, you have to deduct 200 points for battlefield Earth right there. And I would say arguably, but Hudson Hawk, that's his. Wow. Wow. Hudson Hawk. Hudson Hawk. Bordered on. On. On a comedy, though. I mean, it was so bad.
- [162:52]
Esther Povitsky
Yeah, he was trying a tongue in cheek action movie.
- [162:54]
Bald Brian
Yeah, he was attempting to do something that just didn't really work out.
- [162:58]
Esther Povitsky
My criteria was that Bruce Willis has made more interesting and good movies. You know, you talk about 12 monkeys in the Sixth Sense and movies that were really taking chance. Pulp Fiction at the time, you know, taking chances. Whereas he had a lot to lose. And Travolta was really coming from nowhere at that point.
- [163:13]
Bald Brian
He did a lot of like two and a half or, you know, two and a half dads or whatever. The baby. Look who's talking. And he's done a lot of mainstreamy kind of stuff like that. Yeah. Okay.
- [163:24]
Esther Povitsky
Slightly edge for Bruce Willis.
- [163:25]
Bald Brian
Yeah. Not. Not a bald head for the. Is it just because he's bald?
- [163:29]
Esther Povitsky
That actually was the deciding factor.
- [163:32]
Bald Brian
All right, shall we bring it on home? Esther? Nice job, sweetie. Petey.
- [163:36]
Adam Carolla
Thank you. Yeah, we're gonna do a teaser.
- [163:39]
Bald Brian
Oh, yeah, let's do a teaser for our stitcher. Extra content.
- [163:42]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I've got a story about reasons for having sex being linked to satisfaction. It's pretty interesting what we found out here.
- [163:49]
Bald Brian
Mm. Being linked to satisfaction.
- [163:52]
Adam Carolla
Well, the re, like why you have sex is determining how good it is.
- [163:58]
Bald Brian
Uh huh. So just being horny, not at all. You fucked my best friend and now I'm gonna fuck the vengeance fuck.
- [164:07]
Adam Carolla
Exactly.
- [164:08]
Giovanni
Yeah.
- [164:08]
Bald Brian
Interesting.
- [164:09]
Johnny Pemberton
What ranks up in the top?
- [164:10]
Bald Brian
Well, you can't step on it. It's a tease, baby.
- [164:14]
Johnny Pemberton
Okay.
- [164:14]
Bald Brian
Come on, Johnny. I don't have to tell you throw up and buy planes for a living. I don't have to tell you about show business.
- [164:21]
Johnny Pemberton
Next time I'll throw up in my shirt. So it takes me one mistake to learn it.
- [164:24]
Bald Brian
Mega drive MTV Thursday nights. Yes. Yeah.
- [164:28]
Johnny Pemberton
And you can see me in always sunny too.
- [164:30]
Bald Brian
10:30. Oh, always sunny in Philadelphia tonight. Yeah. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Bald Brian. Thanks for the job. As per usual, by the way, I.
- [164:40]
Esther Povitsky
Should say, just to complete the thought for a couple days, remember Ed Asner was doing the crazy conspiracy theory talk. One of our listeners actually emailed me a video he made of Ed Asner's crazy conspiracy theory talk matched up with scene from Up.
- [164:52]
Bald Brian
So I'm going to came up with that idea.
- [164:54]
Esther Povitsky
Oh, yeah, I hope. I couldn't do it technically, but a listener did that for us and I'm gonna. I'm gonna tweet it out later on. So follow me on Twitter on ball Bryan.
- [165:01]
Bald Brian
All right. And I'm guessing we can toss it on our website.
- [165:04]
Esther Povitsky
I'll forward it to lynch and Dawson. We'll get it up there and everyone can enjoy.
- [165:07]
Bald Brian
Yeah. After listening to Ed Asner explaining that Auschwitz was kind of our fault and love is our fault. And I started thinking about it. I thought. And then I think he was president of the Screen Actors Guild for a while. I thought, oh, yeah, he doesn't like this country. He hates his country. That's what I figured out. He would never admit it, but I don't think he's a big fan of Uncle Sam. All right, so until next time, this is Adam Corolla football Bryant, Esther and Johnny saying mahalo.
- [165:43]
Giovanni
All right, that's ADAM Corolla Show 444. That does it for this weekend's Corolla classics. Until next weekend, mahalo and get it on.
- [165:51]
Bald Brian
Sam.