Esther Povitsky (3:29)

Tie up a tied off bag of a shit stain.

Bald Brian (3:32)

A bag, right. That's usually not much to it, sure. But what I wouldn't do is pick it up, tie it off and then just leave it. Like expecting it to be picked up somehow by somebody.

Esther Povitsky (3:42)

Marbles or something, right?

Bald Brian (3:43)

So walking the dog and the kids and I got my daughter on my shoulders and she's complaining as she always does, and we go, come across. I come across a little blue bag filled with shits on the trail. It's. It's right in the middle of the trail. Why bag it? I mean, why be that conscientious to pick up your dog shit and bag it and then just sort of leave it there. And then as we're leaving, so I.

Esther Povitsky (4:07)

Can leave a bag recyclable just next to the blue bin right here. Which out here means recycling.

Bald Brian (4:12)

Now we're leaving. And as we're leaving, we come across an attractive Indian chick. And by the way, more attractive. I don't remember any hot Indian chicks, by the way. You don't have to bring up pictures of shit in a bag on our screen. We get it. But the attractive Indian chick wouldn't hurt.

Esther Povitsky (4:32)

Yeah, I was gonna say I've come.

Bald Brian (4:34)

Across more attractive sort of eastern Indian type chicks in the last like five years than I have my entire life. Like, I grew up with the occasional weird teacher that had the super long hair and was wearing the gowny thing and was weird yeah. And it was like, not hot. Why are Eastern Indian chicks hot all of a sudden?

Esther Povitsky (4:53)

It's a new trend. Remember Richard Gere got in trouble a couple years ago for kissing?

Bald Brian (4:58)

Right.

Esther Povitsky (4:58)

Indian, really hot. Indian actors.

Bald Brian (5:00)

Madonna said she was the most beautiful. Another one's like the most beautiful woman in the world. Knowledge. Yeah. When did. What did they.

Esther Povitsky (5:06)

Chick from Slumdog Millionaire.

Bald Brian (5:08)

What did they start putting in the water over there? Because Indian chicks used to be fucking dogs when I was a kid. It was like. They were weird. Their hair was down to the ground. They were, like, tripping on it.

Esther Povitsky (5:18)

Gray mixed in.

Bald Brian (5:19)

Had the dot woven into the forehead and everything. It was totally fucked up. And all of a sudden they just got hot. And it's weird because they got a lot of the perks of the black chicks. And none of the setbacks, physically. Listen, I know I sound like a dick, but we know what we're talking about. They got the dark skin and the dark hair and the dark eyes. But they have some cool Anglo features to them. I mean, they're perfect. They got a good. A good jumping off point for being hot. I guess some of them are starting to figure it out now.

Esther Povitsky (5:49)

The sort of Holly Berrying of Indian chicks. You know, the white. The typical angle of features, you know?

Bald Brian (5:55)

Yeah. Like if someone would have told you.

Giovanni (5:57)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (5:58)

If someone would have told you when you were in junior high, hey, I want to set you up with this hot Indian chick. You'd be like, no, they all look like Apu's wife from the Simpsons. Now all of a sudden, they're hot. So hot. Indian chicks coming down the hill. I'm going up the hill, right? And she's got her dog. And her dog takes a shit. And she's, you know, you can tell she's kind of put together.

Esther Povitsky (6:21)

That was Apu's wife's name. Majula.

Bald Brian (6:23)

Majula. And the dog's taking a medumpa. And she's kind of put together, and she's no rookie, and she's got her shit together. And I'm standing there, so she has to take care of the dog shit. So Molly's, like, sniffing their ass. The kids are asking what your dog's name is, and blah, blah, blah. And she reaches down with the little blue bag that seems to be the standard one. Picks up the dog poo, pulls it, you know, right side in or whatever. Ties it off in a knot and then just drops it and walks and walks away. And I thought, at this point, I thought, what is it that I don't know, because she did this in front of me.

Esther Povitsky (6:58)

Yes.

Bald Brian (6:58)

And my M.O. is I do the. Oh, I'm handling it. And as soon as the person gets down the trail, I, I'll draw a swastika and fecal matter on like my forehead. But I wait for them to get down the trail. If I were her, I'd pick it up like I was taking it somewhere and then wait for me to get up the trail and then just chuck it into the bushes.

Esther Povitsky (7:17)

It's gotta be a cultural thing.

Bald Brian (7:20)

I found more bagged shit down the trail. Same blue bag. Yes.

Esther Povitsky (7:25)

This is her mo. That's her mo I'm guessing.

Bald Brian (7:27)

No, I think people are doing this, but I think it's a thing of I don't want to carry around. Like I'm going to go on a one hour hike. My dog shit 11 seconds into my one hour hike and there are no trash receptacles. By the way, Louisiana is famous for that. They just don't put the fucking barrels. Every other city has a put your recycling here, put your barrel there, whatever, whatever. Louisiana will not do that. For some reason, Louisiana, there's a stretch of along, along Forest Lawn that has nothing but illegals selling flowers to people that are going to the funeral home, which you've heard me complain about before. And it's just tons of trash and tons of flower boxes and tons of fast food shit. And I understand they're not going to do anything about the illegals. God fucking forbid we do anything about illegals or selling things in a weird black market way and not collecting any revenue or income or taxes from them, but at least put a couple of fucking barrels out there so they could throw their fucking Arby's wrapper somewhere. Wouldn't be interesting. Wouldn't be fucking trash everywhere. It's weird that we don't LA so fucking filled with garbage and we don't really understand why. I say people would kind of do the right thing. Like if you're just an illegal and you're selling flowers in the middle Forest Lawn Drive and you're eating your McDonald's, you would throw away your wrappers if in fact there was a trash can within 40ft.

Giovanni (8:54)

But there's reasonable distance.

Bald Brian (8:55)

A reasonable distance. It's like people wouldn't jaywalk if there's a cross, if there's a place to cross legally within 50ft or so. But if you have to walk 10 miles, fuck it, I'm jaywalking. That's kind of how people are with their trash and the recycling. And evidently Their dog shit. She tied it up, dropped it, and put it right in front of me.

Esther Povitsky (9:13)

So you suspect there's more than just her doing this on the trail? Because how could it possibly just be one person?

Bald Brian (9:17)

I thought to myself, does this bag are these special dog shit bags that somehow disintegrate when, like the first rain falls? And then I thought, but then if they do, then that's just your dog shit sitting on the ground now, right? And then is there somebody who walks this trail picking up everyone's sacks of dog shit? I have never seen it before.

Esther Povitsky (9:37)

Yeah, you see people, like trolling back alleys collecting shopping carts because the stores will pay them for shopping carts. No one's paying for the dog shit.

Bald Brian (9:46)

We couldn't figure it out. Maybe someone has an answer. If you do, tell us. And again, weird thing to do right in front of me.

Giovanni (9:53)

Literally.

Bald Brian (9:53)

She didn't present it to me, but just sort of set it at my feet and walked away. Like, again, give that. Do that fucking move where you go, like, I gotta throw this away. And then soon as I turn and look, just punt it into the scrub. Other thing. That was awesome. Learned a valuable lesson. Put the kids into the car and said, we're driving home without the seat belts. We were not on any major streets. We were just up in the hills. Couple of windy streets to my house, kind of hills that wind around where you literally go nine miles an hour because you can't see around the next corner. So I was like, all right, why.

Esther Povitsky (10:35)

Would you want our seatbelt in that case?

Bald Brian (10:37)

Yeah, it's such a fucking pain in the ass crawling around the back seat. You have to pull it out and never. And by the way, definitely don't want.

Esther Povitsky (10:44)

To start that habit.

Bald Brian (10:44)

You'll find out that the child seat sits over the receptacle, so you have to kind of. You can't. It's not a clear shot.

Esther Povitsky (10:50)

Right.

Bald Brian (10:51)

It's a fucking huge pain in the ass. So you know what?

Esther Povitsky (10:54)

You've convinced me. I'm cutting mine out today.

Bald Brian (10:55)

Yes. The kids were not belted in and I was driving very slowly and cautiously up amongst the hills and. And again, you never go faster. Nine miles an hour. But I could tell the kids were digging it, especially my daughter. She was like, woo. She had the window down. Like, it was like, wow, man, school's out for summer. So on the way to my house, there is one big long straight hill. There's no streets leading to it, no cars, there's nothing to do. And I said, hang on. And I punched it and there's room. My daughter was screaming. Wow. Whoa. Yeah. So we pulled into my driveway, and my daughter was gassed. Like, she was like, yeah, so fast. So fun. And I was like, oh, no. And because I realized the super fast Married with the no seatbelt was gonna be horrific or rash you out. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm so fucking naive. So fucking naive.

Esther Povitsky (11:54)

Well, this is a nice secret between Daddy and daughter.

Bald Brian (11:56)

My son I knew could handle. I said to my daughter, I said, look, she said, I want to tell Mommy how fast we're going. I said, you can't tell Mommy how fast we're going because the whole. I knew that I might get busted on the seat belt thing, but the whole thing about the seat belt thing was all gonna be predicated on it. We never got faster than eight miles an hour. Twisty, windy, up in the hills. Never even going down on a major street. Now, come on. So, but then that mix with the speed was not gonna be good. So I said, natalia, I said, listen, no, no, no. You don't tell Mommy how fast we're going, and you don't tell her about the seatbelts being off. Because if you do, we're never going to do it again. Never again. Daddy's never going to go fast, remember? Wasn't that fun? Yeah, that was fun. Okay. That was fun. Good. Never again. Bizarre. Secret. Little secret between Daddy. A little secret between Daddy and Mommy. And. And. Okay, all right. And then she said, but can I tell her how fast we're going? I said, no, no, no. Fast. Another seatbelt secret between Daddy and Mommy. Sonny, you got it? Good. Natalia. Good. Fine. Or we can't do it anymore because Mommy won't let you drive anymore. I can't drive with you. Okay, all right. Like out of a movie. Walk in the front door. Right as I walk in the front door, the phone rings. And I pick it up. My buddy Les talks. Talking to Les. And as I'm talking to Les, I see Natalia talking to my wife. And I see her gesticulating, like, just sort of like hands flying and zoom and pow, wow. And this is great. And I see the look on my wife's face, like, what? And then I'm like, hold on, Les. And then I hear, and we're not wearing seatbelts. I'm like, jesus, fuck. You couldn't have gone 11? Like, 11 seconds, 11. Like, literally standing out front of the door going, no, talk about this. Oh, it'll never happen again. Beeline for Mom.

Esther Povitsky (13:53)

Guess what?

Bald Brian (13:54)

This is why. This is how every criminal gets caught. You just. You don't say anything. You can't. I'm sure I sealed my faith just by telling her not to say anything. And then the whole part, then the part where dad said, don't say anything, that. That now compounds. Of course. Of course.

Esther Povitsky (14:12)

Maybe the silver lining is that Natalia is going to grow up to be a very honest person.

Bald Brian (14:17)

No, she wouldn't be honest. She only did it to fuck with me. All right, let me give another quick mention of one of our sponsors. Stitcher. That's right. Stitcher. You can listen to the Adam Carolla show on Stitcher and hear exclusive extra content. Oh, do I got one planned for you guys today? Yeah. After the show, we lay down some exclusive extra content for our good friends over at Stitcher. And you can only hear it. It's Stitcher. So it. What's. Well, I don't know how to describe Stitcher. You don't download our show. It's an app. You don't download our show on Stitcher. You hear it, it's streaming. You stream it through Stitcher.

Esther Povitsky (14:56)

Exactly. It's available anytime. Like, you know, if you were to download something onto your phone, it would be there. It would be taking up space and be there permanently until you delete it. Whereas streaming, it's available to you anytime.

Bald Brian (15:05)

Like, you're right. You don't have to sync it, you don't have to download it. It's just there. If you have an iPhone, a BlackBerry, Android, and Palm, it's all there. It's Stitcher.com. so hear the show. Hear it for free. Stitcher, the app is free and you get bonus content. All free. What do you got to lose? Stitcher.com. all right, now, when I was at Comic Con. Comic Con, did you ever predict that you would be before me? Never. I was there on Friday show, and I was talking about a song that I think Brian went and found, and it was a song. I don't know how the hell I got into it, but it was a song by Harry Chapin, and it's called Taxi, and it's just such a. Such a 70 song. And I think it's crazy about the part where he's getting high and driving his cab and being stoned at the end. So, Dawson, this baby's for you, and it's for the wees and all the Heschers out there. He also. I think he says, mulany, it was working hard in Frisco. I needed one more thing. He's driving a hat, a lady up ahead waved to flag me down she got in at the light so he's driving a hack and she's a rich lady Away you go. Going to my lady blue they used to put that. They used to put that in every 70s song. My lady Blue she just looked out the window she said, 16 Parkside lay yeah. She's going to the nice part of town he's driving a hat. But there's a backstory, man. These two knew each other before this. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Just listen. Something about her was. For me, I could swear I seen her face before. But she said, I'm sure you're mistaken. And she didn't say anything more. But he remembers. That's right. It took a while but she looked in the mirror Then she glanced at the license for my name A smile seemed to come to her slowly. It was a sad smile smile. Just to say Harry Chapin died in a car crash. By the way, how are you, Harry? Yeah, I said, how are you? And he uses his name in the song. How are you, Harry? Too many miles and the two little smiles.

Giovanni (17:52)

I still.

Bald Brian (17:55)

Remember. You ever hear of this song, right? Never.

Esther Povitsky (17:59)

I only now cast in the cradle from Harry J.

Bald Brian (18:01)

Probably top 10. And somewhere in the 70s he was gonna. She was gonna be an actress and he was gonna learn to fly, which he learned to do with drugs. It was somewhere in a fairy tale. I used to take her home in my car. We learned about love in the back of a Dodge. A lot of guys raping in, dodging back then. Dawson, you gotta cover this. Your acoustic set. You see, she was gonna be an actress and I was gonna. Lear.

Esther Povitsky (18:40)

Song is Tempo changes.

Bald Brian (18:41)

Oh, yeah. To find the footlights I took off to find the sky. Dawson, you know this one? First time I ever heard it. Really? Wow. Now it changes gears again.

Esther Povitsky (18:57)

Changes tempos.

Bald Brian (18:58)

That's it.

Esther Povitsky (18:59)

Boots.

Bald Brian (19:00)

Oh, yeah. Whoa. I got something inside me but to drive the princess blind that train mark. Yeah. Wild man wizard. 7 minute song between this song driver and the show.

Johnny Pemberton (19:23)

Taxi.

Esther Povitsky (19:24)

Taxi Driver.

Bald Brian (19:25)

Very popular in the seventies. Yeah, that trucking. Just driving people around in produce. Listen to this. Julia Child singing Background Multi talented. Yeah. Such a 70s song. Could you imagine this being played on the radio today?

Esther Povitsky (19:50)

I was gonna say, apparently hooks and choruses weren't big in the 70s.

Bald Brian (19:52)

No. 6 and a half minute song played on the radio all the time. And you find out if this thing was a top 10 song.

Esther Povitsky (20:05)

Speaking of Truckin' Duel.

Bald Brian (20:07)

Good movie.

Esther Povitsky (20:08)

Ever seen it? It was on tv.

Bald Brian (20:09)

Sure. Dennis Weaver and Spielberg's Real first debut.

Esther Povitsky (20:15)

I think it was a TV movie.

Bald Brian (20:16)

Yeah, sure. Good movie. Oh, yeah. No, very intriguing. What is that? What? What is this chick singing here? She just repeating something. Every song had to be eight minutes long. She's just filling.

Esther Povitsky (20:29)

Bad news, Harry. The song clocking in 505.

Bald Brian (20:32)

Let's get that chick to sing a little falsetto.

Esther Povitsky (20:35)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (20:38)

Whatever they had once was gone. My cab into the driveway Past the gate and the fine trim lawn the gate and the fine trim lawn See.

Giovanni (20:48)

She'S rich now and she said we.

Bald Brian (20:51)

Must get together But I knew it.

Giovanni (20:54)

Never be arranged here's the hotline she.

Bald Brian (20:58)

Hand me $20 for a 250 fair she said, Harry, keep the change 250 fair. The song peaked at number 24 on the Billboard show. 24. Here's another hot line. I stashed a bill in my shirt oh, Harry. And she walked away in silence Back to the piano. It's strange how you never know but we'd both gotten what we'd asked for Such a long. How did he get what he asked for? She made it rich. She made it big as an actress. She's rich now. No, no. We're gonna find out. She's driving a cab. And I was gonna learn to fly. She took off to find the footlights. I took off. He's driving a hack in San Francisco and here she's acting happy oh, she's acting happy Gilded cage and me I'm flying in my. Flying in a taxi Hang on, Dawson. Taking tips and getting stone Lay it on the line. Turn it up.

Esther Povitsky (22:30)

That's another thing. Today's music is twist endings.

Bald Brian (22:35)

Yeah, twist. She's acting happy in her home. Yeah, that's acting. And I'm flying Getting stone so it's on you.

Esther Povitsky (22:41)

I'm stoned.

Bald Brian (22:43)

He flies so high when he's stoned. That's the way you had to do it in the 70s. You had to write six minutes of lyrics beforehand so then you could drop the bombshell. And by the way, man, I'm sparking up a duber and my stuff in my cack. All right. Well, that's the song I was yapping about at Comic Con. How did that come up?

Esther Povitsky (23:04)

I assume everyone was talking. I was Chapin.

Bald Brian (23:06)

Oh, it's the whole Harry Chapin booth and a presentation. Oh, it's questions and answers. No, one of the guys we had. One of the guests we had on was. Had. Had. Had to play. Worked for Jack Silver and had to play, like, soft rock. Like bread and stuff like that. And I Mentioned he probably had to play this song at some point too. But as a jock, this is a good song to go blow butt to, you know what I mean? Six and a half minutes. Six and a half. That's. You can take a crap, take a crap, get laid, blow butt, do a rail and come back in. Yeah, he'd still be flying in his taxi. All right, Bald Bryant sitting in for Teresa Strasser. Tom Arnold coming in tonight. You want to do get started with some of the news? Let's do it. From the International News center next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Teresa Strasser.

Esther Povitsky (24:00)

Close enough.

Bald Brian (24:00)

That's right.

Esther Povitsky (24:02)

Let's start off with some comic con news because you were there this weekend. What was your impression, by the way? Everyone, everyone wants to know what Corolla is like comic con or what thought of Comic Con or comic Book.

Bald Brian (24:10)

Well, a couple things, you know, as far as far as the chicks go, lots of nines and threes, not a lot of fives and six. You know, the nines are dressed like Shira Lourdes of the jungle, you know what I mean? And then the threes, those are just the fat chicks that are there.

Esther Povitsky (24:29)

They're really into it.

Bald Brian (24:30)

But there's not, there's not a lot of like, you know, it's weird because normally when you go to places, there's a lot of like sixes and sevens. These are just hot chicks dressed in loincloths and then fat chicks following them around. Not nothing in between. A lot of extremes. I, you know, look, I ain't into it. I ain't into it at all. I can't stand all that shit. But on the other hand, people go, well, what about you with your car shit? So, you know, I'm into my car shit. On the other hand, the car shit you own, like it's tangible. I mean, I know everyone makes an excuse, but by the way, I, I, I give as much shit to my friends who play the rotisserie baseball and the fairy tale football and all that stuff. But at least there's a gambling aspect to it. Yeah, my whole feeling is this, look, everyone needs a hobby. Everyone needs something to do. Everyone wants to hand down something to their kid and what, have different strokes. Different strokes. I just feel that if your hobby is something that's tangible, then at least you own it. Like, people go, well, what's the difference? You know, you like cars? What's it? Well, all right, so let's just say I loved my, my 69 Camaro Z28. And then I went to SEMA, which is the same as Comic Con, and I looked around at parts for it, and I looked at all this stuff, but at least at the end of the day, I'd have a car that I could give to my son. You guys have a knapsack with a picture of Spider man on it. Like, that's not worth anything. I mean, I know it's not all about what something's worth and all that kind of shit. And the other thing is. And that's important in sort of the.

Esther Povitsky (26:12)

Collecting community, whether it's cars or comic books or baseball cars, it's sort of like an assigned value. You. You're like, oh, this is a valuable. Whatever. It's a valuable car. There's only so many of them. This is a valuable card. There's only so many.

Bald Brian (26:22)

I can understand the part where you want the, you know, first issue of the Hulk or whatever, creating cards, comic books and all that. The other part I don't quite understand is, as I was saying to Donnie when we were driving up, marveling at the nerds, I said, you know, they would say the same thing about us. You know, we go to pebble beach every year and hang out with all the car nuts, except for the. Only to me, the difference between that is pebble beach doesn't come to us. Meaning whatever movie you're sitting in on the Symposium of will hit theaters in a couple of months, and then you can go to that movie. Like, I understand if the movie was only playing in San Diego and it was only playing this weekend, then you'd have to make the pilgrimage. But if it's coming to a theater near you, why don't you just wait and see it then?

Esther Povitsky (27:11)

There is sort of a thing, I guess you would say, for that it's very specific to the comic community that the anticipation of these movies, for example, is much more, almost always much better than the actual payoff movie. Almost never lives up to the hype, but the anticipation that, oh, the first five minutes are gonna be screened, you know, I'm saying, like, yeah, you'll eventually see the entire 120 minutes in about a year, you know.

Bald Brian (27:32)

Right. I don't understand the part where you get heavily invested in something that you're not invested in financially or even sort of. I don't know. I guess you're in it spiritually. But what I mean is, it's good to have a team to root for, but it's not good to live and die with that team. And it's Good to have a movie franchise that you enjoy, but don't get a tattoo of one of the X Men on your ass like this print. You're not getting compensated for it. You're not in on it. You don't get to go to see the director's cut. You know, the early print, you don't get. You're not part of it. You're not part of that team. You don't get to go in the locker room.

Esther Povitsky (28:16)

Yeah, but you get equally excited about, say, the start of the NFL season because it means, you know, you're going to spend time with your friends. You have these Sunday afternoon things, and it's just sort of the. The culture and the lifestyle that you're.

Bald Brian (28:28)

Listen, any. You know, look, but I complain. I started complaining when Kimmel moved. I wouldn't go to San Diego. But look, either way, whatever fucking floats your boat. They're not hurting anyone. Right?

Esther Povitsky (28:40)

Well, the story that was tweeted to me the most, if people wanted to hear your take on this, there was a stabbing at Comic Con.

Giovanni (28:47)

Did you hear about this?

Bald Brian (28:47)

I heard about that stabbing.

Esther Povitsky (28:49)

Our own Logan was there. And perhaps in an excellent example of a nerd rage, a Comic Con attendee stabs another in the face with a pen at the conference on Saturday. The dispute was allegedly over the victim's attempt to save a seat for a friend before the Universal Studios panel was taking place in the 6,500 seat hall. So I don't think seats were really hard to come by.

Bald Brian (29:09)

Maybe they were. Well, I can tell you, I've never felt there's roid rage and then there's nerd rage. And when Jimmy and I did the man show bit where we just pulled up to the front of all the people been camped out waiting in front of the Chinese Theater to go see the fourth Star wars episode or the fifth one, whatever. Cat turd. They released the big prequel. The big prequel when we just dressed up as Darth Maul and whoever and Yoda and just pulled to the front of the line and set up base camp right in front of the guy who had his pup tent in the number one slot. They fucking freaked on us. And it is a freakish kind of. It's something I haven't felt since junior high.

Esther Povitsky (29:52)

Did you feel any of that this.

Bald Brian (29:53)

Weekend, by the way?

Esther Povitsky (29:53)

Because your sort of Persona, you know, is sort of a jock type that you don't. You don't mesh well, I would assume, with the nerd crowd.

Bald Brian (30:00)

No, I didn't know. But we slid in and Slid out.

Esther Povitsky (30:04)

And cover of night.

Bald Brian (30:06)

Yeah, we got. We were in and out of there. The only. The only problems we had was, of course, with the parking people who have all. Like I've said, everyone who gets $8 an hour and a yellow windbreaker now. Now has a license just to be a fucking spastic asshole prick. Like, we were pulling in the back of the place, trying to hook up with Maddie, and, like, Donnie turned into the wrong loading dock, and we had the. No, hey, hey. Like, here's the whole thing and let me deliver this to any of you people that have this job for a living or know anyone who has this job for a living, please tell them Adam said this. Relax. Stop being a fucking cock. People will, because they're not familiar with the lay of the land, pull occasionally into the wrong driveway or go down the wrong street or go into the wrong parking lot or structure. It's simple. We're not moving very fast. We're both in Donnie's Mini Cooper. It's not loaded with fucking C4, and we're not wearing turbines. We pulled mistakenly sort of into the wrong underground loading. Whatever. You and the fucking windbreaker need to go, excuse me. Excuse me. Not. Hey, no. Hey, no. Fucking spastic. Everyone's a fucking spaz. Like, they freak on you. Donnie was going four miles an hour, and it happened to us three times. Now, I know I'll get you mad, but we were going in the right place. We were. We had security waiting for us. Not the first one. Well, first. Oh, the first. We had the angry lesbian. Okay, Who. We started. We started to turn into just the back alley, and she, like, fucking. Right when I went to Burbank Airport to go to San Jose two weeks ago, I had Lynette drop me off, and she was just. We just pulled in front of the Burbank airport. She was dropping, and I had some fucking cunt like, no, hey, no. Hey, no. Hey, no. And then I got out of the car and I said, she's dropping me off. And she went, oh, okay. What's the fucking. Here's the deal. I understand you ass wipes have a job to do. Relax. We're not al Qaeda. Just fucking relax. Just go, hey, excuse me. I have to see your permit. Or. This area is just for pickup only or whatever it is. Don't get all fucking weird and spastic. So first we pulled in, and there's a diesel dike who was there. I thought it was a dude. And that. That chick was like, hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho. And then Donnie just Rolled the window down and said we were told to go to loading dock 31. And she went, oh, okay, I'm glad that was. And then we proceeded to go to loading dock 31, except for Donnie turned into loading dock 15 first. And of course we got the spastic dude, hey, hey. Donnie's rolling at about four miles an hour. Just put the hand up. Just hold that. Do the Heil Hitler hand. We'll stop. And then you walk over to the window and say, excuse me, you need a. Whatever permit for this. Don't get freaky. Then to put the fucking cherry on top of the fucking spaz. Sunday, we were stopped in front of the loading dock we had to get to. And Maddie, who was gonna jump into our car and take it off while Donnie and I went into Comic Con, was just standing inside the loading dock. And she's like looking at us, and we're looking at her, and she's looking at us a couple steps back, and she's just standing there. And I'm saying, why isn't she coming to our car and getting into our car and taking it so we can go walk in? We're doing a swap so we didn't have to park it. And she's just standing there looking at us. And I'm just standing and we're sitting there and I'm like, maddie, come on, get in the car so we can get out of the car. And then Donnie does. She starts backing up a little, and Donnie does the. Well, I guess we're going in. And Donnie starts to go in. And I've just been traumatized by my two. Hey, whoa. Hey, whoa. Hey, whoa. And arose. I'm like, donnie, Donnie, don't pull into the. And Donnie starts to pull in. And now we get the super spastic. We got a team that time. Yeah, team of three, by the way. We were parked in front of the thing for three minutes, going nowhere, and then started to slowly turn in. I got that. Listen, all you ass wipes, knock it off. You're fucking ruining our lives. And whoever your supervisors are, you, I'd like to fucking find all you and just fucking rape you with a mop handle. Tell your fucking asshole employees to knock it off. Tell them to fucking show some courtesy, to relax, to not be rude and spastic. Everyone here either is in the right place or at least thinks they're in the right place. And certainly all they want to do, their only agenda is to attend the affair that you're putting on. Stop freaking out. Jesus fucking Christ.

Esther Povitsky (35:08)

They are powered by Nerd rage. It was a mecca of nerd rage.

Bald Brian (35:11)

Listen, it is up to all of us to fucking shame these people and yell at them and tell them to fucking relax. They're fucking federal marshals. And fuck, 9, 11, start telling these fucking $8 an hour fucks to shut the fuck up.

Esther Povitsky (35:25)

Well, this story gets. It's either sad or hilarious, possibly both. But the guy was arrested while wearing a free Harry Potter T shirt that Warner Brothers had given out earlier in the day. So he was wearing the swag and he stabbed the guy with a pen.

Bald Brian (35:38)

When you said free Harry Potter, I thought it was a shirt that said, like, free Nelson Mandela, you know?

Esther Povitsky (35:43)

Exactly.

Bald Brian (35:44)

Yeah, yeah. All right, all right.

Esther Povitsky (35:45)

So that's good time. So the big news room.

Bald Brian (35:47)

I missed the stabbing, sadly, but with a pen.

Esther Povitsky (35:49)

With a pen. The guy, by the way, is the story said, was taken away. Stabbed in the eye, by the way, with a pen.

Bald Brian (35:56)

I told you it was mightier than the sword, dude.

Johnny Pemberton (35:58)

Gotcha.

Bald Brian (35:59)

Gotcha.

Esther Povitsky (36:00)

The big news from Comic Con, at least in terms of films. Avengers is a new movie due in 2012. He talked about nerds and me and people.

Bald Brian (36:10)

See, I thought that was the old English Avengers.

Esther Povitsky (36:14)

I don't know what that is.

Bald Brian (36:15)

Oh, so young.

Esther Povitsky (36:16)

So what is the old English Avengers?

Bald Brian (36:17)

Well, I don't mean old English. I mean, there's a show out of England called the Avengers.

Esther Povitsky (36:23)

Was that with Emma Peel?

Bald Brian (36:24)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (36:24)

Oh, is that the Avengers?

Bald Brian (36:26)

Yeah, I think it was the Avengers and then they remade it.

Giovanni (36:29)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (36:29)

And.

Esther Povitsky (36:29)

And the. Yeah, okay, there you go. Well, the Avengers is sort of a.

Bald Brian (36:33)

Uma Thurman and whatever Ralphie Ray Fines was in it. Yeah, yeah.

Esther Povitsky (36:38)

In the remake a couple. 10 years ago.

Bald Brian (36:39)

Yeah, 10 years ago. But this is another Avengers.

Esther Povitsky (36:42)

The Avengers. This Avengers is named after. It's sort of like a less lame Super Friends. Remember that cartoon with the Batman and Superman and all that? The Avengers is a bunch of Marvel heroes. Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and others all getting together in the same movie. Now, this sort of has been rumored for a long time, many years. And they unveiled that this will actually happen with Robert Downey Jr. Of course, as Iron Man. Chris Evans. Chris Evans from the upcoming Captain America. Scarlett Johansson. Jeremy Renner, recent Oscar winner.

Bald Brian (37:15)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (37:15)

And Samuel L. Jackson and Mark Ruffalo, who they revealed will be the new Hulk.

Bald Brian (37:20)

Awesome. Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (37:21)

So you're very excited about that.

Bald Brian (37:22)

I've always said for the last 20 years, anyone who would listen Ruffalo would make an awesome haul.

Esther Povitsky (37:28)

You saw the guy coming up through Hollywood.

Bald Brian (37:29)

Like, listen, someday back in the probably 89, 90, I was like, that. Fucking keep an eye on that Ruffalo, you Hulk. And Ruffalo fans rejoice because he'd make an awesome Hulk.

Esther Povitsky (37:40)

Someday that marriage will get consummated.

Bald Brian (37:42)

Oh, man. Couldn't have picked a better Hulk than Ruffalo.

Esther Povitsky (37:46)

All right, so one cool story as it relates to comic books, but nothing not from Comic Con.

Bald Brian (37:50)

Born to play Hulk. I'm sure when he was doing a Shakespearean training at nyu, he thought about playing Hulk one day.

Esther Povitsky (37:56)

You know why I like Mark Ruffalo? Guy had a brain tumor.

Bald Brian (37:59)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (38:00)

And he beat it.

Bald Brian (38:01)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (38:01)

He's very inspiring. And now he'll be the Hulk. The third Hulk, by the way.

Bald Brian (38:05)

Yeah. Which means it's not going well.

Esther Povitsky (38:08)

Eric Bana wasn't quite the guy. And then Edward Orton chose not to come back. So now they got Mark Ruffalo.

Bald Brian (38:14)

Oh, yeah. And then I'm also thinking of the thing, which is. What's his name?

Esther Povitsky (38:18)

Michael Checklist.

Bald Brian (38:18)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (38:19)

From the Fantastic Four.

Bald Brian (38:20)

Yeah. Not so fantastic.

Esther Povitsky (38:23)

Those are terrible movies, by the way. A couple facing foreclosure of their home.

Bald Brian (38:28)

It's weird because it's like, on one hand, Jessica Alba was in it, so it's like, how could it be bad? But on the other hand, you know, the woman does not make a bad movie.

Esther Povitsky (38:36)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (38:36)

But then somehow the stars are aligned.

Esther Povitsky (38:39)

In such a way.

Bald Brian (38:40)

I'd like to get Jessica. Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson get together and just make a fucking movie where the theater actually. The earth just opens up and swallows the theater. Like, it just ends up being a fucking black hole of entertainment where entertainment can escape. Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (38:57)

So a couple facing foreclosure found the collateral they desperately needed with the discovery of Action Comics number one, AKA the first issue of Superman. It was stashed away in their basement since, like, the 1950s. And this is like, the copies of this. Of this very comic book have sold for like, a million and a half bucks. So they were facing foreclosure. It's the most significant comic of all time because it was Superman's debut. They're facing foreclosure on their home. They were cleaning it out. They came across. They stumbled across what they assumed that maybe their grandfather someone had collected and stashed away years ago. Action Comics number one. Superman's debut. So they're gonna keep their house.

Bald Brian (39:32)

Wow.

Esther Povitsky (39:33)

They called a guy, they called an expert who had sort of been like a broker for these comic books in the past. He's actually sold editions of this comic, and he's like wow, you guys got yourself at least.

Bald Brian (39:44)

Comic book experts are the only ones who drive three cylinder geometros, by the way. Guy pulls up an 88 geometro with tinfoil over one window. Yes, I'm an expert.

Esther Povitsky (39:54)

That's right. You ever watch the show Pawn Stars?

Bald Brian (39:58)

Pawn Stars, I've seen it. These guys. I figured out a long time ago that pawn shops are the biggest rip offs in the world because I would. There was one in Pasadena, one of my boxing. When I used to work at a boxing gym and I used to go in there and I don't know the price. Like if you see a guitar for a thousand dollars or saxophone for $70. Like I don't know what a saxophone is worth, but I know what tools are worth. And I'd go in there and see like a skill high point saw that was covered in like fucking barnacles like it was under salt water for 10 years. And the price tag on it would be like $129 and the cord would be missing. And I'd like the fucking Home Depot has them for $111 in a box. How could this be? Where the fuck buy shit? I mean it's just more expensive there than it is just in a fucking, you know, Costco.

Esther Povitsky (40:45)

I've never been to a pawn shop. An actual for reals pawn.

Bald Brian (40:47)

Diciest people on the planet.

Esther Povitsky (40:49)

Scary. Well, anyone that tries to entice you to buy your rings, it's.

Bald Brian (40:53)

They're horrible people.

Esther Povitsky (40:55)

Scary.

Bald Brian (40:55)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (40:56)

Anyway, I thought, I thought this sort of spoke to the appeal of Pawn Stars. I love the show. It's almost like is my junk worth something? You know I'm saying. And these people thought they had a trunk full of junk. And in fact it was a quarter million dollars at least.

Bald Brian (41:07)

Well, a good note to go out on. We'll do the rest of the news as soon as we finish up. But we got Tom Arnold news coming up. If you don't listen, you're an anti Semite and we got. What can Adam complain about? Maybe Tom Arnold will come in here and help us with that. I'll address one call before I get. Before I bring Tom and Drew. Yeah. Adam, how's it going? What's going on, Drew?

Giovanni (41:33)

Not much, buddy. How are you?

Bald Brian (41:35)

Good to see you. Good to speak to you. Tom Arnold's coming in here.

Giovanni (41:39)

All right, over here.

Bald Brian (41:40)

Which one did I grab?

Giovanni (41:42)

This one to this one.

Bald Brian (41:43)

Doesn't matter.

Giovanni (41:43)

Seriously?

Bald Brian (41:44)

Yeah. Why would it make a difference?

Giovanni (41:46)

Okay.

Bald Brian (41:47)

All right. I just want to address Drew's question Then we'll get on with Tom and what Ken about. Go ahead, Drew. Thank you. Drew. Drew. Go, buddy. Yeah. All right. You ready for. Are you doing. Yes, I'm ready. I was fucking ready an hour ago. Go. All right. I'm fucking hanging up on your ass. I don't know why I'm irritated tonight.

Giovanni (42:12)

After all the time you guys were together. I love life.

Bald Brian (42:14)

Jesus. Are you ready? How about now? All right, here I go. He wanted to know how I could complain about pre selling copies of my book. And I just wanted to thank everyone and encourage them. My book is not out until November 2nd, but we got as high as number 11 on Amazon's bestseller list.

Giovanni (42:37)

Have you even written it? Have you even written it?

Bald Brian (42:40)

I wrote it.

Giovanni (42:41)

Okay. Because that'd be cool to sell it before you wrote it. Oh, I see.

Bald Brian (42:44)

No, it's not even printed yet. It's done.

Giovanni (42:46)

Yeah, I got it.

Bald Brian (42:47)

It's done. And the thing that's cool about the pre sales is we can get out on the New York Times bestsellers list if you guys keep buying this book. And you have been. And I just wanted to tell you that, A, it's only like 13 or 14 bucks on Amazon. B, you can keep us up at the top of the list. C, I got an email from the CEO of Crown Publishing. Whatever. And he said, not since Jon Stewart's book, which came out about five years ago, and I guess sold like two and a half million copies, has he ever seen a book rank this high on the best sellers list on Amazon so far in advance of when it came out. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And remember, if you go to AdamCarolla.com and buy the book, we will send you out a book plate, which essentially is an autograph that you can put on your book, but it's only good for the first 2,500, and I think we've sold about 1500 of those already, so you have to kind of hop on it. Now.

Giovanni (43:47)

Wait, November 2nd is your book. If you die before then, skyrocket.

Bald Brian (43:52)

Yeah, but I got to sign those book plates.

Giovanni (43:55)

Yeah. So died really close to that.

Bald Brian (43:56)

I'll be like Harry Chapin driving that vw. Oh, I always hate it when I hear it. He was playing a free concert. I hate it when somebody dies on the way. Like, I don't mind if a guy dies on his way to go to visit the Sultan of Brunei, right? To, you know, for a million bucks, to play two songs at one of his Arab buddies birthday parties. But playing a free gig.

Giovanni (44:18)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (44:19)

Like at the park for the kids.

Giovanni (44:21)

I didn't even know he was dead until just now.

Bald Brian (44:22)

You didn't know? Harry feels terrible. No. 80, 81.

Giovanni (44:26)

Oh, my gosh. So, you know, I've been on death pools for 20 some years. You have?

Bald Brian (44:31)

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Giovanni (44:32)

I can see now there's, I think, money involved. So I'm thinking maybe, you know, kill yourself and collide. Well, I'd like to be able to.

Bald Brian (44:39)

Well, I.

Giovanni (44:40)

For my wife.

Bald Brian (44:41)

If nothing else, Tom Arnold is good candidate for death pool because he's young. So it means, obviously you can't pick guys in their 80s and 90s, but.

Giovanni (44:51)

People are picking me when I was 29.

Bald Brian (44:53)

Yeah. Because of the drugs, right?

Giovanni (44:54)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (44:55)

And the self destruct.

Giovanni (44:56)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bald Brian (44:57)

Plus, I guess people were figuring Rosie put a hit on you, right?

Giovanni (45:01)

Well, that probably is true.

Bald Brian (45:03)

I mean, do you ever think she's ever really, for just a fleeting moment, I could have him killed?

Giovanni (45:08)

She did do this. She's in Wicca, which is apparently like a witch's thing. And she did have a doll made. And then kill the. You know, to kill me. But apparently it didn't work.

Bald Brian (45:19)

But. But she kind of would. When there were times.

Giovanni (45:23)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (45:24)

When she wouldn't have minded if you got hit by a trolley.

Giovanni (45:27)

Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure. Right now, right now, at this moment.

Bald Brian (45:30)

Right.

Giovanni (45:31)

Right now. I just saw on the sports thing, it was 20 years ago tonight that she sang a national anthem and did the.

Bald Brian (45:38)

At San Diego. San Diego Stadium. Yeah.

Giovanni (45:40)

And they won, by the way. That Padres, they should have kept her singing for the whole.

Bald Brian (45:43)

That. I remember that being a. Everybody was outraged because she did the spit and the crotch grab and everything.

Giovanni (45:49)

But here's the story. Here's a good husband story. And this is a good husband. I may have told this before, but she sang. I begged her not to sing it. I said, you know, that's a hard. You know, but there's so many. You know, there's only so many battles you could win as a husband, but once your wife decides they're gonna do something, you got to be on board. You got.

Bald Brian (46:05)

You were next. You were on the fence.

Giovanni (46:07)

I begged her to pre record it. I said, Barbara Streisand, pre records. It's a hard song, honey. Seriously.

Bald Brian (46:11)

And then leaps lip syncs to it.

Giovanni (46:13)

Yeah, yeah. That's what people do. She said, no, I'm gonna do whatever. Anyway, so she did that. And then they were like, you probably want to get out of here? And I was like, no, I got to throw out the first pitch after, right? I stayed. I said, cause I'll never be allowed to baseball field again as long as I live. So. But we got on the plane and the 20 minute flight, she was so depressed. I was like, what's wrong? She goes, oh, it's terrible. They're booing. I go, you see, that's what you. That you don't go to baseball games like I do. That's a. That's a sign of endearment. She goes, really? I go, yeah. In fact. But there were people cheering, too, honey. She's like, really? I heard a couple. I go, yeah, a couple. There was a lot. So in the 20 minute flight, I had her convinced by the time we landed it.

Bald Brian (46:49)

Great, right?

Giovanni (46:50)

That's what a good husband does, right?

Bald Brian (46:51)

But then she turned on the news.

Giovanni (46:53)

Well, no, no, they were waiting because the president said it was a disgrace, right? And the whole story is they're waiting at the airport. And then they. It was before TMZ and all these people, and they were. As we were walking through, and she was not a. But she's like five foot tall. She's not big. And, you know, they were bumping into her with their cameras on purpose. Like, seriously, like.

Bald Brian (47:11)

I mean, they're like, almost trying to nudge her.

Giovanni (47:13)

Yeah, yeah, they were.

Bald Brian (47:14)

They were.

Giovanni (47:15)

And then she said, get up, honey. Which, you know, you got to do if you're the husband, no matter what the circumstance. Hopefully it's not too. So I. There was three guys out of the whole mob that were really bad. I chased them down through lax, down the escalator, down to ticketing, tackled them all, broke their cameras, did a couple things like this. And then I saw her behind me, you know, giving me. You know, I'm her hero. So I felt great about that.

Bald Brian (47:39)

Right?

Giovanni (47:39)

And then, unfortunately, there was a fourth guy, and you could Google this, who was taking pictures of the whole assault, unfortunately. So I got arrested and. But I had the best case in the world because my wife was assaulted by them physically. And so I remember my lawyer put her on the stand and said, tell the jury, Roseanne, what happened? And she went. I couldn't really see. And my lawyer went, can we take a recess? And I, literally, 48 hours later, had an orange jumpsuit on. On the 405, picking up McDonald's wrappers. That's a good husband.

Bald Brian (48:10)

Why the fuck didn't she say I was being assaulted?

Giovanni (48:13)

She was going through her thing, and she was different. You know, she had the. She supported me through the alcoholism, majority Because I supported her through the multiple personality disorder by picking up trash on the. But, you know, as a husband, you get those situations where a wife will say, promise me you won't do anything. Yeah. Which it's probably she can't keep. But that guy over there stuck his finger up my ass. And then you're like, oh, my God. You look over there and you pray it's the old white guy and not Suge Knight and the other guys, because you're, you know, you're gonna die, but you gotta do something because it's your freaking wife.

Bald Brian (48:44)

I saw you on TMZ about a week ago talking about Lindsey Lohan. Speaking of tmz, and I thought you brought up a pretty good point, which was, prison's not a great place to detox.

Giovanni (48:56)

No, it's a horrible place. It's. You. Any place is bad to detox that doesn't have something to help you. And if she is, in fact, a serious addict, you can't, you know, you'll be kicking. It's horrible.

Bald Brian (49:09)

Well, I just think she was allowed to be on what seemed like just a laundry list of prescriptions.

Giovanni (49:16)

I know. That's amazing. They didn't even have those drugs when I was using. I mean, that's some of the things I've said.

Bald Brian (49:21)

You have to do that joint.

Giovanni (49:22)

No, I. I. No, I just, you know, I knew. Yeah. I just think.

Bald Brian (49:28)

I mean, like, Dr. Drew hates methadone.

Giovanni (49:32)

Yeah. I don't like it either. Methadone, I don't like that. Or Suboxone or anything.

Bald Brian (49:35)

And he just thinks you're sort of substituting one thing for.

Giovanni (49:39)

You literally are substituting one thing for another, and then you got to get off that.

Bald Brian (49:42)

Right. And so what are your feelings on sobriety? I mean, here's what I would say.

Giovanni (49:46)

Or how do you do it, you know? Well, no, because you could, you know, have seizures. I think if people depending on. For my experience, you go just kind of step down and, you know, doctor supervised. You know, you don't just. If you're taking. Because I know guys that are taking 80 Vicodin a day.

Bald Brian (50:04)

Yeah.

Giovanni (50:05)

You don't just stop or whatever it is as addicts or whatever it is. You step down and you've doctor supervised having somebody in control of the medication. And that's just my recommendation. There's experts that know a lot more than me, and Dr. Drew is one. And I've called him a million times. About a million people, in fact. I got him a client about three weeks ago. I was doing a Show at the Laugh Factory. And all of a sudden, in the middle of my show, Janice Dickinson walked in wasted. And she said, tell about the time we fucking. And I was like, hey, my wife's here. My in laws, they're in from out of town. And then she started talking about my penis. I said, no, no, no. She goes, want to hear about Sly's penis? And I'd be like, no. She goes, what was it like to froze Anne? I go, let's talk about Sly's penis.

Bald Brian (50:49)

Did you ever. Janice dicks?

Giovanni (50:50)

I know, I never even, you know, I've known her for a long time. I never did that. I never anybody. But anyway, then the next doctor Drew.

Bald Brian (50:59)

You know, gobbled up, she's in the new.

Giovanni (51:02)

She's a nice person. I mean, you could just, you know.

Bald Brian (51:04)

Drew, Drew, Drew off the air last week, he said, oh, this season. Oh, yeah, this is a good one. And I said, oh, well, you just started, right? Because you just got Rachel. You could tell, right? And he said, oh, no, we've had her for a while. It just came out that she's doing the show now. So they're. They're knee deep into that. But Tom, when I was talking to him at Jimmy Kimmel's when he was having the Howard Stern star studded event, was basically telling me that he was a sort of a crusader for soap. Finding fucked up people getting in, like what Simon Wiesenthal was to hunting down Nazi war criminals. That's what he is for guys that are high.

Giovanni (51:45)

No, I think, you know, I think.

Bald Brian (51:47)

I mean, no, people always. Am I exaggerating?

Giovanni (51:49)

Well, I mean, I. I think it. Part of it is I'm mad that I can't be. And so I. Yeah, and so I do. I've done a lot of interventions, and some of them have been fairly violent.

Bald Brian (52:00)

But you were telling us I was too drunk and high to remember, ironically, but sitting outside with Ben Stiller, I think, and his wife. And I was having fun with Ben Stiller because I told him, hey, you know, Ben, many years ago, when I was installing closets for a living, back in the, you know, late 80s, probably like 88, I installed a closet into some woman's house. And she said, hey, you know, we're talking about comedy. And I said, yeah, I want to do comedy. And she said, there's this really funny video of this guy named Ben Stiller. And it was him doing the Tom Cruise hustling character, except for instead of hustling pool, he was bowling. It was Ben Stiller done Up like Tom Cruise and doing the whole thing. You guys probably seen that video at some. Someplace at some point, at some time. And the fun I was having with Ben Stiller, as I said, and he was like. He was. You could tell he appreciated. It's like, wow. He saw that way back then. And then I paused. I went, so, what have you done since then? And I kept saying, are you still doing those bowling videos or what business. What line did you get into? Eventually, stuff like that somehow got a laugh about it. But Tom was explaining to Ben and his beautiful wife and myself.

Giovanni (53:13)

Christine.

Bald Brian (53:14)

Yeah, Christine Taylor. What celebrity did you say you like, you know, like, physically assaulted and took.

Giovanni (53:22)

Hey. This was in private conversation.

Bald Brian (53:24)

Oh, sorry.

Giovanni (53:26)

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you later. Well, I know.

Bald Brian (53:31)

Let me just say this wasn't there a mistake.

Giovanni (53:32)

Oh, yeah. I could tell this because it was.

Bald Brian (53:34)

It was in the paper. Sorry about that.

Giovanni (53:35)

Okay. My. The first time, when I first got sober 20 years ago, I. I saw everybody out doing good things for people, and I thought, I want to go out and be a hero and help be. So I read in the national choir that Peter Criss, the drummer for Kiss, was a drug addict living under the Santa Monica Pier. And so I lived in Brentwood at the time. I drove down there and I found him, you know, because they were all. He sort of had a posse even then, of other homeless guys, and if I paid him 20 bucks, they'd show me where he was.

Bald Brian (54:02)

The band was called Piss. So I got him some bunch of guys just smelled like yarn. Yeah.

Giovanni (54:06)

And I take him out of there, and I couldn't find a rehab at that time. I wasn't as locked in with rehabs, and so it was gonna take a couple days. And he was messed up. I mean, he was like. Had alcohol in the brain, and he was. So I got him a little motel room on Ocean, and then I'd have to go down there every two or three hours with my bat and kick all the junkies out of there that he'd invited up there. And then the middle of this woman called, who'd read about it in a paper, too, and said, I'm his girlfriend from Boston. I want to fly about here. I said, no, no, no. He's so sick, I think he could die. I was taking him around to meetings and stuff, you know, with my windows down in the car, but he was sick. But I thought, I'm doing this good thing, right? And I said, no. And then I went to pick him up to take him to a really good Hardcore rehab. And he was gone. And the hotel manager said a limo had picked him up. And five hours later, this woman called me from Boston. She got him a ticket, took him away from me. And she goes, oh, my God. He's in my living room, he's throwing up, and he's not Peter Chris. And I realized, oh, see, he wore cat makeup.

Bald Brian (55:04)

Sure. Yeah.

Giovanni (55:04)

I was in the Kiss army, you know, and it never occurred to me that he wasn't. And so now I realize he's just a homeless junkie, and now he really needs help, you know. So I called him.

Bald Brian (55:15)

He wanted to party every day, but not rock and roll. You didn't get the guy who did the rock and roll at night.

Giovanni (55:20)

But I was an ass. I assume it's Peter Chris, my hero. And then the real Peter Chris came forward.

Bald Brian (55:25)

I think the guys just got laid saying they're a kid.

Giovanni (55:27)

Exactly. But the real Peter Chris came forward. He hadn't talked to Gene Simmons for 10 years. They ended up reuniting. I mean, he was pissed at first because he's never done drugs his life. But, you know, they had Gene, you know, Peter Chris, the real Peter Chris, okay? And so him and Gene, you know, they bonded again. And then. So that was a happy ending. And then the guy, the real guy named Chris Dickinson, who was the homeless guy, actually got help from, because I didn't know anybody from Boston, so I thought, who lives in Boston? Aerosmith.

Bald Brian (55:53)

Sure.

Giovanni (55:53)

So I called those guys. That sounds stupid, you know. Who else would you call?

Bald Brian (55:57)

Right?

Giovanni (55:58)

They were kind. Were so kind. They took this home with this guy and got him some help. That was my first. Now I check out to make sure the person is the person.

Bald Brian (56:06)

Right?

Giovanni (56:06)

You know, instead of randomly just Tom.

Bald Brian (56:10)

You know, Tom's got a motor in him, and I think he has the. You have the attic motor. Like, I see it all the time. I have a dear friend named Chris, and his foot is tapping all the time, his knees popping.

Giovanni (56:27)

He's not high.

Bald Brian (56:29)

He's got a motor. And it's like a motor. And it's a guy who will smoke a cigarette while drinking a cup of coffee, while lighting another cigarette off the last cigarette while drinking another cup of coffee at 10 o' clock at night.

Giovanni (56:42)

Like it's a cake.

Bald Brian (56:43)

And it's so funny. The thing that's crazy about these guys is nobody needs nicotine or caffeine any more than these guys. I mean, they got enough going through their body, and it's like they're fucking. It's like strapping a Supercharger onto a turbocharger onto a jug of rock star. But they're constantly like tap tapping and it's. I don't know what it is. I don't know. Now they get sober and now they're not high anymore, but they still got the foot tapping. Right. And they still have the energy.

Giovanni (57:15)

When I did a lot of cocaine, I. It calmed me down really. And it made me feel like, you know, because sometimes you, when you're young, I was on Ritalin and then. So you, at a certain age, you're supposed to grow out of that. Your body chemistry changes. But now, even now, caffeine will calm me down or, you know.

Bald Brian (57:32)

Right.

Giovanni (57:33)

And I have to be very careful on every. I mean, I could be addicted to anything.

Bald Brian (57:36)

No, I, I remember, I remember back in the day when Tom Arnold smoked cigars.

Giovanni (57:42)

Oh, yeah.

Bald Brian (57:43)

And he smoked a cigar like he was trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Like he just like, you know, most guys smoke a cigar for sort of affect, just so you know they're the boss man. Right. Or they're like George Burns, where it's never even really lit. They're just talking the whole time. Tom smoked the fuck out of that cigar. I've never seen a guy smoke cigar.

Giovanni (58:04)

Arnold would smoke us like a. Slow down, man, slow down. I go, why? And I could smoke a whole cigar. And a three minute commercial break on the best dance sports show. John Crock would smoke a cigarette and I smoke a whole Cohiba Robusto. You had to have, you have to suck so hard. It's, it's insane, it's stupid. And you don't enjoy anything in life.

Bald Brian (58:25)

It's like trying to burn through one of those Sterno logs in three minutes. Like they're meant to go for six hours. Three minutes. Like that's a Tom. Yes. I realize you would take that energy.

Giovanni (58:37)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (58:38)

And you would sort of dump it into anything. And I guess it's good to dump into your work. It's probably not great for your relationship.

Giovanni (58:46)

It's hard. You have to, you know.

Bald Brian (58:48)

But essentially you have a metronome that's just tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And how do you slow that down?

Giovanni (58:55)

Well, you know, this is the best thing in my life is, Is for a change, my relationship, which is in the past of my life, it's always been about, oh, work and then, you know, whatever, and just work as much as I can and then the relationship is whatever. And I think I always had a, you know, if we build it they will come attitude towards relationships, like, oh, it'll get right. You know, eventually they'll have that family. And in this case, with Ashley, it's the other way around. So, like, this year, I decided I'm going to take this year, be in town and try to have a baby. You're the baby. Right. You know, because here I am. I've never had kids. Some of my friends have grandkids, and I missed out on this big part of life.

Bald Brian (59:37)

Sure.

Giovanni (59:37)

The black ones, so. Yeah, exactly. And the Iowa ones, so, you know, I really have to be careful about that. She's well aware of that. And it is very, you know, says, you know, I can't be a part. You're, you know, you're. You act addictive to everything. We. We don't have cake in our house or anything.

Bald Brian (59:54)

You'll eat the whole cake that night.

Giovanni (59:56)

Yeah, I literally would. And, you know, I just had to be more, you know, be cognizant of that. And in my time with her, I have to be, you know, on top of it, and I have to listen and not space out.

Bald Brian (60:06)

And if you ever tried, you know, I mean, meditations and pasta.

Giovanni (60:10)

No, I've tried that. I have.

Bald Brian (60:11)

I know. I've tried it.

Giovanni (60:13)

I have tried it all. I've tried it all. The breathing, the meditation, you know, I journal. I. You know, I do get to a place where it's peaceful. Really, Believe it or not. Yeah. I like Hank. I like. With her. I get at home. It's my favorite.

Bald Brian (60:27)

Are you happy?

Giovanni (60:27)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (60:28)

Are you happier than you've been in the past?

Giovanni (60:30)

Yeah. I mean, I'm happy. I still have that, you know, fear of failure constantly. And, you know, if I want to ensure, you know, I Google my name and it's guaranteed. But she does it. She feels solid that I would be solid, and she believes in me. And so I decided just to take her word for it on a daily basis, and then, you know, whatever. She might be crazy, but I'm gonna take her word for it that it's gonna be okay.

Bald Brian (60:55)

I think Tom, by the way, I'll try to take this in the spirit in which it's intended. I think for a while, you were just Roseanne's husband, and you're sort of in on her coattails, and whatever the truth actually was, that's how you were perceived.

Giovanni (61:11)

That's true.

Bald Brian (61:12)

But. But at a certain point, I think Thomas sort of turned the corner because Tom is actually one of these guys where people bring up Tom's name and then go, he's actually pretty funny. Like you're trying to convince me. Like, I was gonna start a fight with him if they said you were funny. And I always say he is. He's always a great guest and he's always fast and he's always hand. He's always a handsome. Because it's looking up at something that said it for some reason made me think of it. No, he's forthright. And that's what I love about Tom. Like, total open book and then spontaneous. Actually, Tom, you'd be good in radio.

Giovanni (61:47)

Well, I was thinking about that, because that could be home. And I was also thinking that Ashley came up with this for a show. Tell me what you think. Say it to my face. It's where. Because I just got back from Detroit and I was at the airport getting my luggage, and Ashley is big on the Twitter, and she goes, someone just Twitter. I'm at the airport getting my luggage and Tom Arnold's here, and he looks terrible. And I said, twitter back. Say it to my face, motherfucker. And so she Twitters back on my account. Please come up and introduce yourself. Which isn't what I said to say because I scanned that whole group of people. I thought this is the one time. Because people write shit about me all the time.

Bald Brian (62:20)

Sure, sure.

Giovanni (62:21)

I said, they're right here, right now. Just say it. I just want to. And so I think you get a show where people say. Because people make out, that's all they do is criticize people, you know, blindly. And then. And they don't have a name to it or a face to it. And. And then what? What if they showed up at their door?

Bald Brian (62:39)

It's really weird. It's a good idea.

Giovanni (62:41)

I mean, they might be right. I might. I'm sure I look terrible, by the way.

Bald Brian (62:44)

Well, you don't look great, but it don't look terrible. You look like Tom Arnold. I mean, let's go back to Detroit. You don't look terrible for Tom Arnold.

Giovanni (62:51)

No, that's the thing. I've never looked good.

Bald Brian (62:54)

You look terrible. But you're. No, you look fine. I think you're fine. I like your frames, too. The point is, there's something interesting that's going on from a societal standpoint, which is we, from a sociological standpoint or an evolutionary standpoint, have not lost the ability to have our feelings hurt by mean things being said to us, but through technology, have made it now possible for everyone around the world to say horrible things about us anonymously. Right. So the only thing that really stood in the way of people saying horrible things about you is you standing in the way.

Giovanni (63:30)

Right.

Bald Brian (63:30)

They literally would. I mean, back in the day, they would have to physically come up to you and say it to you. At a certain point, they could send you a letter and then a telegraph, and then they would pick up the telephone, but it was still their voice saying it to you. And you had to know who they were. And then if you didn't know who they were, well, then it was just academic.

Giovanni (63:51)

Right.

Bald Brian (63:52)

Because the only thing they could do is write that you were a whore on the wall of a subway. Right. That was about it. Now you can go online and read all sorts of horrible things. And by the way, lies, like, you know, you can read that. I saw Adam at the Chicago o' Hare airport the other day, and he told me to fuck off.

Giovanni (64:10)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (64:10)

I wasn't even in Chicago yesterday. So our ability to have our feelings hurt is still where it was. And at the turn of the century, you know. Yeah, not the last one, but the one before that. But the technology is in full ass kick mode.

Giovanni (64:25)

Right.

Bald Brian (64:26)

And it's weird psychologically. I don't know what we're gonna do about this because it's still like, what you have to do is you have to shield yourself from it.

Giovanni (64:35)

Right. I'm not supposed to Google my own name. I've been told by everybody that cares about me not to do that. There's something.

Bald Brian (64:43)

I would take that as a bad side, too. I don't think Captain Sully has to do that, by the way.

Giovanni (64:49)

Right.

Bald Brian (64:49)

Do not Google your name, Cappy. Whatever happens.

Giovanni (64:53)

But I'm sure there's somebody out there that's a big enough asshole that said bad things about him. I'm so. It's just. And I want to know what I did, you know, If I did something, somebody. I'd like to make amends. I like to say if I didn't say hi, I was walking or didn't hear him or whatever. But if there's. If they're. Apparently I committed the ultimate crime, which was marrying somebody who was talented and looked a lot like me, like somebody I should marry. Like, we look like a couple, you know, which is worse than murder or anything else. And that was 20 some years ago.

Bald Brian (65:22)

And I think it's. It's. It's insane because you walk through Tom's native Iowa, and you see plenty of couples that have about the same shape and they both work at the same poultry.

Giovanni (65:35)

Those are the thin ones, right? No, seriously, I don't.

Bald Brian (65:39)

No one says why did he marry her or why did she marry him? We can see they're the size of their ass. Why they married each other. Yeah. Yeah. There is a definite double standard there. And now, how is Roseanne? Do you speak?

Giovanni (65:52)

I haven't talked. I mean, it's been over 16 years since I've talked to her. I mean, I don't know.

Bald Brian (65:56)

Is there bad blood?

Giovanni (65:58)

I don't know that there. I mean, in my mind, it was like, you know, I knew her when I was. I met her when I was 23. Where started before she was even famous. I respected her and I thought she was awesome. She. She actually thought I was funny, which was. Is, if you want to get a guy to fall for you, that's what you're gonna say. And. And, you know, she did give me all these opportunities. The marriage part was okay. And then it got so crazy because it came about something else. But I honestly thought, well, we'll become. We'll be friends after this is all over because I got to be a stepfather for five years. And I have a lot of gratitude for her, for, you know, I'm alive because of her. And. But she never got over, you know. She's never got over it.

Bald Brian (66:40)

Is she. I've always had a theory about her, which is I don't think she's going to work that much from that point on or this point on. I think she could talented, but I think she's nuts and probably may have too much f you money put away. I mean, when you have a bunch of fu money put away, this town's a pain in the ass. You have to listen to a bunch of assholes that don't know shit. And you have to basically take your ego and sort of ball it up and shove it in the glove box of your truck. And if you have a whole bunch of FU money, it's no different than working at McDonald's. How long are you gonna stand behind that grill with some asshole yelling at you? Time to lean. Time to clean. Before you go, you know what? Fuck it. I got a Bentley in the parking lot in the house up on the hill.

Giovanni (67:23)

There's two things. One is every time like this Mel Gibson thing, it comes up and it comes up how much his wife got and the divorce, and they have the divorce list of how many people got. And I see Tom Arnold got $75 million from Roseanne and people actually write that as his fact. And then I feel like everybody I see, I have to go up to and say, I'm not the asshole that took $75 million for my wife. And then they go, oh, you're the asshole that didn't take it. You didn't take it. I go, no. Oh, that's stupid. But there's that. And then with Roseanne, I think it's. She. She's the kind of talent that needs someone to say no to her once in a while or, hey, let's, you know, an editor.

Bald Brian (68:00)

They go to work with her.

Giovanni (68:01)

Yeah. And I think if that's probably what I did. And except for the national anthem. And it worked. It worked well when we worked together because, you know, she had all this great talent, but everybody needs a little something, you know, I feel.

Bald Brian (68:17)

Tell me if I'm being a dick. I feel like she was a. Thank you. A right place, right time person. That she's funny and talented, but not so funny and so talented that she's going to overcome whatever she has to overcome and come back with another big sitcom or big movie career or anything like that.

Giovanni (68:38)

Well, she seems like she doesn't want to be. Like she wants to be taken seriously and politically, and that's a bad move in my opinion. My humble opinion, Instead of just doing what you do best and that, you know. You know, everybody could have our opinions, and we could vote the way we want to vote. We could defend it. We could raise money for charity, and we could do all this. But I think she wants to be taken seriously as a. Some kind of spokesman for whatever, and she's, you know, she takes both sides. It's. It's confusing. And I think that she did. She was at a good place, Right place, right time. But everybody that succeeds is. And it did help. Here's the problem. She never got created by. For her own show.

Bald Brian (69:17)

Right.

Giovanni (69:17)

And that set a tone from then on. She felt fucked over by everybody, and she wanted more. Like just being a star of the number one show was not enough. She had to eventually, you know, direct it or be this or be that or whatever. So instead of being happy with this massive success she got for a woman that lived in a trailer with three kids.

Bald Brian (69:36)

Right.

Giovanni (69:36)

She was never happy. She had to be whatever. And so maybe she wants to be president of the United States or whatever. I mean, it's crazy.

Bald Brian (69:44)

How old is RoseAnne now?

Giovanni (69:45)

She's seven years older than me, which is old. I don't know. Is she 57? I think something like that. But I. But. But, you know, like, I say, she, you know, she. If she focused on not being. I don't know. I'm not going to tell her what to do. She. She said. She said, whatever. But, you know, if you find what you're good at, you try to stick with that.

Bald Brian (70:08)

And that's what I. I feel like she's. I, I don't. I see. I never felt like she was a great comedic mind. I felt like she was very good at what she. She did, which is very good. I mean, that's. You make millions and millions of dollars. You know, Michael Jackson was very good at what he did. Right. And she was very good at what she did. I didn't see her as this overall comedic presence who could have been directing, writing, starring and doing a sitcom, doing drama, doing whatever. I saw her as that character. And she definitely. And doing stand up, obviously, and she definitely found a way to. She's 57, by the way, to make a shitload of money doing that. And it seems like if that's what she wants to do, that's what she should.

Giovanni (70:54)

That was. And, you know, when I saw her in 1983, I went, wow, this person is freaking talented. I mean, on stage at this club in Minneapolis, I remember thinking, wow, she's. You know, and then to take that into a series and then surround yourself with great actors who you can learn from and a bunch of great writers and people. But really, it was her voice. It was that success.

Bald Brian (71:17)

So it was like 1982. You're a catch. A rising cunt.

Giovanni (71:21)

Yeah. A comedy gallery.

Bald Brian (71:23)

A comedy gallery, yeah. And you're performing there. Yeah.

Giovanni (71:26)

I opened up for her. She was. She'd lived at Denver.

Bald Brian (71:30)

Tom, by the way, speaking of comedy, every Wednesday night at the Hollywood Laugh Factory hosts the comedy show Laughing with the Stars. Also, he's taping a special that's going to air when it will be aired, I should say on Showtime now. When are you going to.

Giovanni (71:46)

This is this next Friday. And I want everybody to come down. This will be great. I really appreciate it. If you come next Friday at 8 at the California Theater, which is in San Bernardino, and you could get information by www.californiatheater.net. and it's part of a big comedy festival. They have it down there. And this is my first. You know, I've done HBO specials before, but this is my first pure standout special. You'll hear all these stories and more.

Bald Brian (72:13)

And how big a venue is California Theater there?

Giovanni (72:17)

I don't know. It's a theater. I heard it's nice. I hope it. I hope. I hope people come. I think they will.

Bald Brian (72:24)

Yeah.

Giovanni (72:25)

You know, but it'll be. It's It'll be a fun show, I promise you that.

Bald Brian (72:29)

That's. That's July 30th.

Giovanni (72:31)

Yes, July 30th at 8:00 is my show and please come down. And then, by the way, I just got something for you. They got something called the Maui Celebrity series. You got to book yourself on this. They fly to Maui and you do a little show. You might want to. You could do this show there and then, you know, it's a really nice vacation. They put you up at the Ritz, Carlson, everything. And it's great. And you make. And it helps support Maui, the community.

Bald Brian (72:57)

I called hawaiian stupid about 10 years ago in Loveline and they ban me from the island.

Giovanni (73:03)

I talked to the guy, Brian Evans of books that he said book yet?

Bald Brian (73:05)

He would.

Giovanni (73:06)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (73:06)

Good.

Giovanni (73:07)

And they got all these people. I'm there December 30th. But you've got all these great people coming in and you could. Can I say their website real quick? I printed up on this piece of paper here. It's www.themauiselebrityseries.com and you can see all these great people.

Bald Brian (73:24)

Listen in my behalf. I just said close your eyes and think of all the great inventions that have come out of Hawaii over the years.

Giovanni (73:36)

But I think they're all right. Surfboard.

Bald Brian (73:41)

All right, they've heard it. Surfboard.

Giovanni (73:43)

Bahama Mama. No, that's Bahama.

Bald Brian (73:46)

Yeah.

Giovanni (73:46)

Well, yeah, that's a. You got trouble for that?

Bald Brian (73:49)

Well, I took it a little step further, but I'm sure you did, you know. Yeah, I like to elaborate. You know, I did a two hour radio show. Time to kill. All right, let's do a little. What can Adam complain about? Tom Arnold can jump in on this. This is.

Giovanni (74:00)

And come down to the. The California Theater, please. And I'll. I'll do whatever you want.

Bald Brian (74:05)

There you go. Wanna do it stuff.

Giovanni (74:08)

The world is full of it and.

Bald Brian (74:11)

One man can complain about it all this is what can't Adam complain about. All right, Mark, what do you got? Hey, how you doing? Good. Mark, what can I complain about? Actually, you know, I've got kind of a choice. There's one thing I called in to see if you could complain about. But I've got a secret thing that you definitely could not complain about. This is why I picked you, Mark.

Giovanni (74:40)

What is it, man? Say it again, what is it? Well, actually, you could either complain about.

Bald Brian (74:47)

Saving animals or contributing to fall. Brian's treatment. Okay, time has passed. Well, I'll. I'll do a little on each. The Savings.

Giovanni (74:59)

And no offense to Braul Brian, because I actually contributed. By the way, I worked at Hormel for three years, so we saved all those animals, right? In livestock until we got done with them.

Bald Brian (75:09)

You say saving animals. You mean like adopting them? Saving them. Rescuing them.

Giovanni (75:15)

You know, your call.

Bald Brian (75:16)

Okay, well, I don't like when all the ass wipes say, she's a rescue. By the way. You know, people who get their dogs at a puppy mill never go, I bought my puppy. They just go, this is my dog. No one asked where you got the dog. Like, I never say to someone, where did you get the dog? I say, what's the dog's name and what kind of dog it is? I would love some sort of. I would love a large black man in a black turtleneck and a black blazer. The guy who stands in front of the club with the little clicker that counts. So the tells the fire marshal how many. How many people have come into the club. I'd like them to follow around just one a hole from Hollywood for one week and say. And just click that thing every time the person said to somebody, she's a rescue. Yeah, we get it. You're a hero. It's not raid on Entebbe. You didn't report hell down from a Huey. You got a free dog from Pasadena. You didn't do a shoulder roll, set off some concussion grenades, and go in through the front door.

Giovanni (76:15)

Y.

Bald Brian (76:16)

No time for backup. I went to the mall and spent 500 for my dog. You got yours for free, but you're a hero now. And they just, she's a rescue. And by the way, I never say, is she a rescue or where did you get her? I just go, what's the dog's name? And they go, her name is Sandy. She's a. No, what you're saying is I'm a hero. Yeah, just say, you're a hero. Say you're better. Because when they say she's a rescue, what they're saying is, is I rescued her, not a fireman pulled her out of a tenement slum and then gave her to me. I rescued her. These are the same fucking people that say, donated the egg. I donated my eggs. You got 5,000 for your eggs when you sold them online to get through.

Giovanni (77:02)

College or $35 for your sperm.

Bald Brian (77:04)

And yes, you donated. You did not donate it. You sold your eggs and your dog is a freebie.

Giovanni (77:11)

Right?

Bald Brian (77:12)

It's kind of interesting. It's like, the egg was not free. The egg was sold, yet the dog was free. So I don't like the rescue. Rescue, rescue. Unless you physically rescue that.

Giovanni (77:22)

I got a plan B. A B. What if a worm was going to go extinct if they didn't build this dam, that millions of people needed the water for the dam, but this worm would go extinct that we don't even know about it? As a weird name, would you care about the worm going extinct?

Bald Brian (77:36)

No, I don't give a shit about that. Stuff is here and then stuff dies. Yeah, I'm fine with that. We don't think how many new worms.

Giovanni (77:44)

Are being created in the Gulf of Mexico right now because the oil, right? I mean, companies like bp, and then it's nuclear energy that spills, that creates all kinds of new life forms.

Bald Brian (77:54)

Look, there were many things on this planet that were here and they're no longer here and they're gone. And it wasn't because whitey interfered. It's just they had a cycle, right?

Giovanni (78:07)

Right.

Bald Brian (78:07)

Much like a tube sock or your underpants. They were around for a while and now they're gone.

Giovanni (78:12)

Right?

Bald Brian (78:12)

What the that have to do with us? And I don't give a if it happens other species either, right? And even if it happens, the good ones, like elephants and giraffes, we got pictures.

Giovanni (78:22)

Yeah, I know what they look like.

Bald Brian (78:24)

It's not like, oh, giraffes are extinct. How am I going to get to work? It doesn't really affect anything, does it? It's gone. Yeah. One more weird thing that doesn't really like us. All right, what else was there, though? Bald brine. What? What? In your. In your benefit? Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (78:42)

How could you complain about helping me out? I guess.

Bald Brian (78:45)

I guess I can't. I guess the fact that you took all the money that we got you and went to Italy for a shopping spree, I guess that's about the only complaint.

Esther Povitsky (78:54)

I did blow it all on lotto yesterday.

Bald Brian (78:57)

A lot of people blow it on the lotto. He blew it on gelato. All right. How dare you try to get me to complain about Paul Bryant toenails. Yeah, really. We make too big a deal about animals and them being extinct. And by the way, people as well. Who gives a shit? There were people that were around. Great people. What about them? Romans? Yeah, they were doing fine and now they're gone. Right. And there's a couple other ones who replaced them and they're not so good. No, Right. Maybe the real ones should have just fucking taken the recipe with them. Hey, Brendan. Yeah.

Giovanni (79:30)

What's up?

Bald Brian (79:31)

What can I complain about? Well, first of all, I want to say thank you for your show last night.

Giovanni (79:35)

We had a great time down in San Diego.

Bald Brian (79:37)

Oh, thanks for coming, buddy. Your sign language interpreter was awesome. Yeah. Oh, boy, that's what I can complain about. Something funny? I did a show at the House of Blues on Saturday night in San Diego. Awesome venue, great town. Sold the place out. And it's really, really bitching because the. The way the balcony goes up in the House of Blues, it's really like the. You're in the round almost and, you know, standing room only. Awesome time. I've done 60 of these things. I noticed out of the right corner of my eye, halfway into it, a chick wearing a black turtleneck signing.

Giovanni (80:15)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (80:15)

I said, what is she doing? Signing. Because now I've done a lot of colleges, and when you do colleges, they have a signer because colleges are politically correct. They have tons of fucking money because they just overcharge. And the student union just goes it. Yeah, we'll. We'll pay this comedian to come out and do his thing and we'll have the signing. There's no one ever. I've never noticed. I've 3,000 people in the audience. I never saw one person looking at her. They're always looking at me. And if they're looking at me, it means they're not deaf, because they'd be looking at her.

Giovanni (80:47)

They could probably still hear you because.

Bald Brian (80:49)

You'Re loud fucking yelling. So I go after the show, I go backstage and I say, what's up with the signage? Chicken? And by the way, as soon as I saw the sinus chick, I was like, anyway, I got a huge cock. A huge, massive, girthy cock. I throw it over my shoulder like a continental soldier. And there's this poor chick doing this. There's only one way to do the huge, girthy cock thing over the shoulder. It's not like she's not spelling girthy. She's literally doing, oh, it's so prodigious. I have to carry it in a wheelbarrow the whole time. She's just. And it's a woman. She does massive cock move prodigious. And I'm laughing my ass off. Why don't you do this? But I get backstage and I'm standing there with Mike August. The booker is constantly worried about, you know, the overhead and how much money we're going to make and blah, blah, blah. And he says, what's the deal with the. With the sign person? And. And he said, well, the person phoned ahead and said, by law, I'm coming to this gig. I don't know how you phone ahead when he can't talk, but had his wife phone ahead and said, I want a signer at the show, and now I can talk whatever shit I want about this guy because there's no way he can't sign the podcast. So what happened was, is one person phoned ahead because, you know, you've played every club in town. I've played every club in town. Never had a signing person there.

Giovanni (82:15)

Right.

Bald Brian (82:15)

And so one person called. And so first thing out of Mike August's mouth is, who's paying for that?

Giovanni (82:23)

I like Mike August. I don't even know him.

Bald Brian (82:24)

And he's. And. And if you knew me wouldn't like the guy. The guy owned the club, said, well, we are. And then Mike took a beat and went, wait a minute. That means we're paying for it because you pay for the. Yeah, yeah. You're. They don't absorb that shit. You pay for it.

Giovanni (82:39)

Yeah. It comes.

Bald Brian (82:39)

It gets skimmed off your groats.

Giovanni (82:41)

Right.

Bald Brian (82:42)

So he's like, what? And then he's like, how many deaf people were out there? There's 500 people. He said, one guy. And Mike was pissed. He's like, how much did that chick cost for the one goddamn guy? And it was like, I don't know. It's 160 bucks. I remember thinking it sounded kind of reasonable, but on the other hand, she was only there for an hour and a half. You know, get pretty good coin. Yeah. And I realized it was one chick standing on a fucking apple crate in a of bunch black sweater, just doing the entire show for one dude that knew because of, like, Americans with Disability acts or whatever it is, that he could literally phone ahead and demand that that person be there. It'd be fun to do just to fuck with the club anyway.

Giovanni (83:24)

Right.

Bald Brian (83:25)

I should actually make it part of my act.

Giovanni (83:26)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She. The chick sounds interesting, too.

Bald Brian (83:29)

I should phone ahead.

Giovanni (83:30)

Yeah, it sounds funnier. You were funnier with her.

Bald Brian (83:33)

Oh, absolutely. Referenced the cock thing ten times.

Giovanni (83:36)

Yeah, of course. Indeed. For reason.

Bald Brian (83:38)

That's nice.

Esther Povitsky (83:38)

Yeah. On the fly. You complained about accessibility loss.

Bald Brian (83:41)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (83:42)

That's very good.

Bald Brian (83:43)

I don't even know what Brandon wanted anymore. But, yeah, it was. It was weird. And then I thought, what's in it for this person?

Giovanni (83:52)

You know what I mean?

Bald Brian (83:52)

Because you're not getting the inflection, the intonation, you know, the nasally drone that you and I are facing for. You know what I mean? Like, the words themselves are fine, but.

Giovanni (84:02)

How do you even become a fast talkers too.

Bald Brian (84:05)

And so, yeah, she's fucking it up all the time.

Giovanni (84:08)

That's probably how the rumors get started that we're assholes. Yeah, because of the fucking asshole. Well, no, no, you said that sometimes you'll read stuff, that people say something. It's probably misconstrued by the hand talkers. I wonder, the wind talkers or whatever they are.

Bald Brian (84:23)

Nicholas Cage movie. Let me just say this. What I. How do they get on to me? It's. It. Is it like. Well, I was a huge fan of the man show and then I was standing too next to too close to a cannon at my grandfather's funeral. Lost all my hearing, but I still want to follow this dude. Like, did you. Were you a fan of mine and then you lost your hearing or were you always deaf? And if you're always deaf, how did you become a fan? I got of a lot look into that, Tom. Get on that.

Giovanni (84:53)

That's a good thing.

Bald Brian (84:53)

Thank you, Brian. That was what can't Adam complain about. All right, let's give a plug out for Tom Arnold.

Giovanni (85:04)

I can't believe you have a segment on your whole show is what can't.

Bald Brian (85:09)

And now your Adam Corolla. Extra. Well, before I go into my extra content for Stitcher this week, I must mention that this week's big winner is Dustin Shaw from Washington state. Hey, kiddies. Ace man here. And today's quick complaint. Parking and parking lots. I was pulling into a place I like to eat out here in Southern California called Good Neighbor. Good Neighbor shares a parking lot with a place called Poquito Moss. A very good example for anyone starting a business. This Paquita Moss has been there for like 25 years and the Good Neighbor has been there for like 45 years. And there's never a place to park in the parking lot because one place just cooks up beef over an open flame and douses it with guacamole and puts it in a tortilla and puts some rice and beans on the side. And the other place just makes hash browns and eggs. Neither one of them fuck it up. Neither one of them advertise. You don't have to. They both been there combined 200 years and the parking lot is always full because all they do is serve very simple shit and they don't fuck it up. No water crescent, no no, no bullshit. No puree of bullshit. No nothing. Just fucking beef, open flame tortillas and beans. Another place, it's just pretty much eggs Benedict and pancakes. Done and done. Either way, Never a place to park in those between those two places in a very small parking lot. I was meeting my buddy for breakfast over there and pulled into the parking lot during. What is the crowded time for breakfast over at the place? About 8:30 in the morning, even though the parking lot was full, there were three people getting into their car simultaneously, which meant I had a 300% chance. Do not correct my math. Of getting a parking space in the next 30 seconds. So I stopped at the edge of the driveway and I waited for one of the three people who climbed into their cars to pull out of the full yet small parking lot. Ten minutes later, they were all still fucking in their goddamn cars. Now, some of them were texting, others were making phone calls. Others were attempting to blow themselves. God knows what the fuck they were doing in there. Making land lanyards or God's eyes or carving a fucking canoe. They were doing everything but pulling the fuck out of their space. When you're in a crowded parking lot and there is not an open space to be seen and you get in your car, it is incumbent upon you to get the fuck out of there. I understand you may want to make a phone call. You may want to answer text. You may want to look some email. That's what the goddamn cul de sac up the street is for. Pull out of the parking lot, then go answer your shit. These fucking three people sat there for 10 minutes. One of them was still in the car when I got into the restaurant and had placed my order. And to make it worse, they did that thing where you saw the reverse light was on so the car had started. They popped it into reverse. The reverse light was on and still going nowhere. This happens everywhere, especially here in Los Angeles. Look, I don't know if we have to have a psa. I don't know if we need, like, Dolph Lundgren going, hey, when you get in your car, shake your fucking ass. But listen, everyone, do the math. The parking lot is full. There's nothing but cars as far as the eye can see with no open spaces. There's me pulling up into the parking lot and then the three cars that are behind me that are spilling out in the street because I don't want to go forward and pass the one car that could get out. And then there's you fucking playing grab ass with yourself in the car. Now look, if your kid just swallowed the Playboy air freshener and is going into cardiac arrest, fine. By all means, tend to him. I'd like it if he pulled out of Space and then tended to him. But tend to them. But you're just fucking sitting there talking to your old lady on the phone and I'm waiting to die in the fucking parking lot, sucking up my own gas and carbon monoxide. So please, as soon as that door shuts, pull the fuck out. Don't even put your seatbelt on. Pull the fuck out of there. And let's keep America moving. Thank you. That was your Adam Carolla Extra.

Giovanni (89:47)

All right, that's Adam Cooler.

Bald Brian (89:48)

Show 369.

Giovanni (89:48)

Coming up next, we have Adam Krill.

Bald Brian (89:50)

Show 444. This is in between news gals. Allison had not yet tried out for the job. This episode has Johnny Pemberton as a.

Giovanni (89:56)

Guest and then filling as news gal. But who could equally be a guest at this time, especially Esther Povitzky.

Bald Brian (90:01)

Little Esther.

Giovanni (90:01)

A lot of times they would have comedians on the come up come and.

Esther Povitsky (90:04)

Be the news gal.

Giovanni (90:05)

They weren't actually auditioning for the job in most cases. They were just trying out or filling in. Natasha Leggero did it. Even Alana Uback did it. Brian Bishop's also in this episode and it's from 2010.

Bald Brian (90:20)

And now new York Times best seller. Seriously? Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate. Get it on Val. Brian. How you feeling, my brother? Hang on. Hurt. Esther. Nice to meet you.

Adam Carolla (90:40)

Nice to meet you.

Bald Brian (90:41)

Now, is it Lauren or do you do the Lauren?

Adam Carolla (90:44)

It's Lauren. Yeah.

Bald Brian (90:45)

Yeah. My sister's name is Lauren.

Esther Povitsky (90:47)

She's from the Midwest. Adam. They pronounce things normally out there.

Bald Brian (90:50)

Yeah, yeah, I know. They don't put flares on things. My sister's an L, A, U, R, E, N first name.

Adam Carolla (90:55)

Gotcha.

Bald Brian (90:56)

Somewhere around 31 decide to go with the Lauren. Like that's gonna make a huge impact. I. All of a sudden they're gonna back the Brinks truck up to your house and just doors are gonna start flying open for you.

Esther Povitsky (91:11)

The best part of imagining like she's calling for a reservation at a tough to get restaurant. Like, ah, yeah, the name's Lauren. I'm sorry, you don't have anything. Lauren with a Y. Wow.

Bald Brian (91:19)

Right? This.

Esther Povitsky (91:20)

Would you like the chef's table or would you like to just cook?

Bald Brian (91:23)

Why not? Is what I say to the Y when you add it to Lauren. Yeah. I don't know if it caught on or not. I haven't seen her driver's license. But I was a conscientious objector. I said, sorry, I'm Grandfathered in. I got the en. Grandfather. You tell that to your new friends. So now, Esther, let's talk about you.

Adam Carolla (91:41)

Okay.

Bald Brian (91:42)

Did you hear that I'm on the New York Times bestseller list?

Adam Carolla (91:44)

I did hear that.

Bald Brian (91:45)

Wow. Wow. So cool. Yeah. Anyway, that's enough. Let's talk about you now. It says here you're touring with Joe Rogan.

Adam Carolla (91:57)

I just got back from Austin, Texas, with him. Yeah.

Bald Brian (92:00)

How was that?

Adam Carolla (92:00)

That was pretty incredible.

Bald Brian (92:02)

And you're doing stand up?

Adam Carolla (92:03)

Yes, I perform at the Comedy Store regularly and all around.

Bald Brian (92:08)

Yeah. I don't want to put you on the spot, you know?

Adam Carolla (92:12)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (92:12)

But is your act. I've not seen your act. Relationship stuff.

Adam Carolla (92:18)

Not really.

Bald Brian (92:19)

Societal, observational.

Adam Carolla (92:21)

More just about myself and how I grew up and being half Jewish and half regular, I guess, Stuff like that.

Bald Brian (92:31)

Yeah. And where did you grow up?

Adam Carolla (92:32)

I grew up in a small suburb right outside of Chicago called Skokie.

Bald Brian (92:37)

Oh, Skokie, Illinois. Sure heard of that. And then went off to college.

Esther Povitsky (92:41)

Barbershop quartet there.

Adam Carolla (92:42)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (92:43)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (92:43)

I went to University of Illinois in Champaign. I did two and a half years studying journalism and then just decided nevermind and wanted to start doing comedy.

Bald Brian (92:53)

How's the comedy going?

Adam Carolla (92:54)

It's going pretty good. You know, the stuff with Joe has been exciting and fun, and I'm growing a lot with it now.

Bald Brian (93:00)

How does it work when you go out with Joe Rogan?

Esther Povitsky (93:05)

Well, it's a lot of energy drinks.

Adam Carolla (93:08)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (93:09)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (93:09)

It's just crazy. I mean, he's just a really fun and cool. And he's always on. He's always Joe Rogan all the time, and.

Bald Brian (93:17)

Yeah, I find that a little grating after day 15. Joe Rogan all the time.

Adam Carolla (93:23)

It's a lot of fun.

Bald Brian (93:25)

Okay, I'm reading between the lines, but what I'm saying is, yeah, I like Joe Rogan. I like Joe Rogan because he's interesting.

Adam Carolla (93:31)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (93:32)

And comedy is almost sort of, in a weird way, takes a backseat to him having thoughts that are sort of provocative and interesting and that kind of stuff. And I like that about him. Yeah. All this, you know, sensory deprivation tank BS and all that. I dig all that stuff. It goes a little too far with some of the alien shit, but just in general, the man's got a brain and he's gonna wear it out.

Adam Carolla (93:54)

Oh, yeah.

Bald Brian (93:54)

Like, he's like, I'm gonna fucking wear this brain out. By the time I'm 50, it'll be shot, but I'm gonna pass a lot of shit through this brain. And. But so when you go out with Joe, you would be the middle. Right, as they would say. Or is that how it works? He's the headliner.

Adam Carolla (94:12)

Right. And then we had. I'm kind of like an opener, and, you know, he kind of just throws me up. He has his. His feature act, which is Joey Diaz, who starts off the show host, and then they just throw me up in the middle there. And I did like 10 or 15 minutes this past weekend.

Bald Brian (94:26)

And how much time does Joe actually do?

Adam Carolla (94:29)

Joe kind of does two hours.

Bald Brian (94:31)

Holy motherfucking pearl. But what about when you guys do two shows in a night?

Adam Carolla (94:37)

He's the first show. He has to kind of hold back a little, because what he likes to do is an hour of his material and then an hour question and answer with his fans. Oh, yeah. And it's really cool. His fans are totally crazy.

Bald Brian (94:50)

Right, right. And. But, yeah, but you can't do that on the first show because they have to unload and then load up.

Adam Carolla (94:56)

Right.

Bald Brian (94:56)

They got to turn the room over. They say get. Get them out, get those nacho plates cleared off and get the new audience in there. Right, right. So on a situation like that, you keep the whole thing to an hour and a half or something. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (95:09)

And, you know, I. Everyone will do less time. You know, I'll do a little less time, and Joe will kind of tame it down. And then, of course, we don't go out and take pictures with everyone after the first show. There's just not time to do that second show.

Bald Brian (95:21)

That's Q and A. That's hardcore fans. That's go out, press the flesh after the show. Super fans. All right, so you'll be doing the news for us. I should mention that Johnny Pemberton is a guy. Well, I don't know, bit of a stuntman, I guess. Got a new show on mtv. Think Jackass meets Top Gear. Goes out and drives jet trucks and stunt planes. Just anything that moves, he's in it. So I'll be interested in talking to Johnny about that. And yes, as you heard at the top of the show, we've made it to the new New York Times bestseller list. Everybody just found out about that a couple hours ago. So God bless all of you for getting the book. Don't act like you're not impressed. And it was. It was all you guys because. Because I did a couple of radio shows and Kimmel and a couple things, but not really. I didn't do a ton of press. This was all podcast people. We didn't have a platform. Like a lot of folks have a platform. I mean, obviously, if you're Glenn beck or Bill O'Reilly or Jon Stewart, you have a massive platform. We have a smallish platform, but we're proud. And that got us into the top 10, the New York Times best seller list. The only sentimental thought I've ever had in my life regarding my family. And it just popped up when my agent called me and informed me of this a couple hours ago. I thought, my grandmother, who died a few months ago, I thought, this is one thing she would have. This would have meant something to her. Nothing else I ever did was really like, I played football, she didn't like football. I boxed. She didn't like boxing. I was a builder. She wasn't. She. Well, actually, she liked building. Just didn't seem. Didn't like my brand of building or something. Like, wasn't really that into it. I'm sure she would have undersold this somehow. But, you know. And I do cable. But, like, if I was gonna be on the Tonight show, she'd say, oh, you mean like a regular channel? Like a real channel? She wouldn't do it in a condescending way, but in her world, Comedy Central, MTV, those weren't, you know, 200 channel, 257. She had seven channels, you know, so none of this stuff. I mean, intellectually, I know she understood. Yes, a man makes money, people recognize him. He's on something called cable tv. He makes a nice paycheck. He does a syndicated radio show that's on in the middle of the night or too early in the morning or something. But it never really hit home. Like, one. I'll tell you, like, if the New Yorker did a spread on me, that would have meant something to my grandmother. She was very old school. So hitting the New York Times bestseller list, that would have been something that my grandmother could have hung her hat on because it's that thing I was always like. You know when. You know when someone tries to explain to you about a band that's huge in South America and you've never heard of them? And they're like, they sell out soccer stadiums. And you're like, that sounds cool. Anyway, where do you want to eat? And they're like, you understand Jaguar's is bigger than you two in South America? And you're like, okay. It's like, don't care. Don't know any of their songs. Like, I understand what you're saying intellectually, but I don't really feel it. It's just moving on, moving on. The list. The New York Times list would have been something. Now, I'm sure she would have shrugged it off and then bragged to her friends, but this would have meant. This would have been some sort of official recognition to her.

Esther Povitsky (98:55)

That's funny because she would have had to qualify it, like she does with a lot of things. Well, not she, but your family does a lot of things. Like the New York Times bestseller list, the hardcover nonfiction list. I mean, not overall.

Bald Brian (99:05)

Oh, yeah. Not overall. Not overall. Hardcover nonfiction. Yeah, yeah, sure. We're not talking paperbacks. Autobiography, no fiction books. Right.

Esther Povitsky (99:14)

By the way, tough week to debut a comedy book because you have Baba Wooten, Baba, Bowie's book and also Jon Stewart's book up there.

Bald Brian (99:21)

Yeah, I was sort of thinking about it and the bestseller list is relative. You could sell 10,000 books and not get on it, or you could sell 10,000 books and be at the top of it, depending on who decided to come out with the book, the time. At the time you came out with the book. Like John fucking Stewart.

Esther Povitsky (99:39)

Also Ricky Martin and Portia de Rossi's books landing this week.

Bald Brian (99:43)

Yeah, those guys.

Esther Povitsky (99:44)

Competition.

Bald Brian (99:45)

Oh, Ricky Martin. Yeah. Like he decides to write his first I'm out of the closet book. But no, it's like Jon Stewart writes a book once every five years. Not once a year or not once a month. So you coming out the same time he comes out, his Haley's Comet of books comes out. And you know, Jon Stewart's always gonna be above you if he comes out with a book. So a lot of it is, hey, shit, Keith Richards came out with his first book and Jon Stewart came out with a book. And there's these other folks that are coming out with books. So Glenn Beck's got a. You know, these guys, they write books. But landing on the same within the same couple of weeks that they landed is what you call competition. That's all I'm saying.

Esther Povitsky (100:27)

Good week for Baby Doll.

Bald Brian (100:28)

Yeah. James. Baby Doll Dixon, my agent has a couple of clients that are in the top 10 over there. Jon Stewart, number four, I'm number eight. And let's keep the party going. And by the way, again, if you're going to be in Los Angeles, I'm going to be down at the Grove on Saturday at 3 o' clock signing them books, I think at Barnes and Noble. All right, let's see. I'll tell you what, Esther, why don't you prep the news while I share the good news about. Go to my PC football season here. Bald Brian, I know you love yourself some football.

Esther Povitsky (101:02)

You don't say.

Bald Brian (101:03)

Monday Night Football. You want to get home, you want to watch the game, but you still got business to take care of at.

Esther Povitsky (101:08)

Work, namely this podcast.

Bald Brian (101:09)

Yeah, don't worry about it. Head home, finish your work from home. You can get at your home. You can get your work computer from home, you can get your home computer from work. Or just head out to TGI Fridays and bring that laptop, baby. And go ahead, enjoy some poppers and do some work. Tilt a few cold ones and still get at your computer. That's right. Go to my PC. They got a deal. 45 days free. Free. What do you got to use? Exclusive 45 day free trial offer just for my listeners. Just use the promo code Adam. Again, you can get it your home computer. You can get your work computer, you can put any computer you want on this thing and then travel at your will and get to the stuff. Never feel like you've left something behind. Go to mypc.com and remember, use the promo code Adam and try it for free. Esther. All right, Live from the International News center, next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Esther Lauren.

Adam Carolla (102:11)

So I found this study done by Experian Simmons, talking about what.

Bald Brian (102:16)

What is her name?

Adam Carolla (102:17)

Experian Simmons.

Bald Brian (102:18)

Experian Simmons.

Adam Carolla (102:20)

They just do studies. And basically.

Bald Brian (102:22)

Is this one on crazy black names?

Adam Carolla (102:24)

No, it's on, like, who watches what shows on television?

Bald Brian (102:29)

Karen. Tom Brady's Jockstrap. Oh, that's Bill Simmons. That's right.

Adam Carolla (102:33)

And you know. Yeah. And it talks about that basically, Republicans like shows like the Amazing Race and Modern Family and Democrats watch Dexter and Courtney and Khloe Take Miami.

Bald Brian (102:45)

Really?

Adam Carolla (102:46)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (102:46)

Range. That is range. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (102:49)

So it's sort of.

Bald Brian (102:51)

That's a weird one. Now I understand the Republican amazing Racing just because of this sort of competitive drive thing that's over toward the right side of the aisle. And then I guess Modern Family is a family unit, but it's sort of gays.

Adam Carolla (103:06)

Yeah, there's gays and adoption.

Bald Brian (103:08)

Yeah, yeah, they adopted a little, like, Asian baby. And they got the gays in there and they got. Not only that, they're, you know, Ed o' Neill is married to a chick who's like El Salvadorian, like Charo, and she's got a kid from a previous relationship. So it is showing some range there.

Adam Carolla (103:28)

Yeah. And so it's basically for the Republicans, Glenn Beck, Amazing Race, Modern Family, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, and then this sort of smaller, like, cult shows for Democrats and of course, Lie to Me.

Bald Brian (103:43)

I made someone's list. Huh? Wow.

Esther Povitsky (103:47)

Like a Courtney and Khloe take Miami is like the poor man's version of. Of Keeping up with the Kardashians, right? When like the real.

Bald Brian (103:54)

Yeah, it's weird. Like, do you want to see the dumpy sister of the hot one right over in Dade County? And it's always. They do that things like they have nothing to do. Oh, God. So they do a thing where it's like, the town car's here. I haven't put on my face yet. Oh. And it's like they do a music sting.

Adam Carolla (104:15)

Oh, my God, that show is absurd.

Bald Brian (104:17)

It's fucking insane.

Adam Carolla (104:19)

It makes me feel better, though, about who I am.

Bald Brian (104:22)

Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. 3030 rock.

Esther Povitsky (104:26)

No chance of Reggie Bush showing up, so I don't watch.

Bald Brian (104:28)

Yeah, Parks and Recreation. Nice. Breaking Bad. There you go. That makes sense. This is all on the Democrat side, but. 90210. That must be the kids. Also, I'm confused about. Well, Private Practice. Law and Order. SVU seems like a weird one for the Dems for some reason.

Esther Povitsky (104:50)

Just a popular show, I think.

Bald Brian (104:52)

I guess so. It just feels a little more Republican than me. Law and Order, like when you hear about a guy being a Law and order politician or mayor or something, you always think Republican, but all right. I'd say it's about a tie. Mm.

Adam Carolla (105:04)

It's weird that Dexter is up there on Democrats. It's like the Democrats are murderers.

Esther Povitsky (105:10)

V was number four on the Republicans. That show even on anymore.

Bald Brian (105:15)

The other thing too. Dexter's one of these things where you drive around and you see the billboard and it's him holding a baby and they're covered with blood and it's like, hey, that's nice. I'm sure the kids enjoy that image. See, that's awesome. Reminds me of an abortion. Like really, I'm not uptight. But again, driving around LA and seeing all these weird negative images fucking take its toll. And other towns do not allow this, by the way.

Esther Povitsky (105:43)

They don't allow the crazy sensibilities when it comes to the in your face advertisements. See the problem with the Red Dead Redemption too? Well, it's off putting, but I don't think anyone.

Bald Brian (105:53)

I don't.

Esther Povitsky (105:53)

I'm not strongly.

Bald Brian (105:54)

I'm not uptight about these things. Here's the way I feel. I feel that because we cannot see boobies, or more specifically, niplage and areola, that we should also take the same thing. And the Red Dead Redemption, well, first it has the word dead right in the middle of it. And then the way they.

Esther Povitsky (106:17)

But it has redemption at the end.

Bald Brian (106:19)

The way they put their signs. Well, being redeemed after you're dead is really not much of a party favor, Brian.

Esther Povitsky (106:25)

Thanks for nothing at that point.

Bald Brian (106:27)

Yep. Well, now. Now this there is. And we're looking at the billboard right now. It's 30ft above your head, you're parked in traffic and there's a guy holding a sawed off shotgun at you and the nanny and the minivan. Like it's essentially he's. He's pulling a gun on you. And I'm just saying you can't pull a boob on anyone.

Esther Povitsky (106:48)

Jokes on him. The recoil is going to hurt his shoulder so bad.

Bald Brian (106:50)

Yeah. Once he blows my nanny head off along with my two twins, then. No, I'm just saying, like there's anybody else the. No. Okay. We're living in a society where kids, guns are colored orange or they have an orange cap on the end of them to let the police know that if some little inner city kid comes running around waving around a fake Mac 10, he's not going to get fucking his head blown off by the LAPD. We do a lot of PSAs about gun violence and we have these crusades where turn in your guns and get a voucher to pep boys for $100. Like we were very like, hey, careful with the guns. But then we have fucking billboards all over fucking town of guys who look like meth addicts holding sawed off shotguns at the. What would be if you drew an imaginary line from the end of the asshole with the sawed off shotgun to your kid's head in the stroller or on his bicycle or in your minivan. So what are we really saying?

Adam Carolla (107:55)

Yeah, that's terrible. And plus, if someone came from some different society and saw this.

Bald Brian (107:59)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (108:00)

They don't know it's a video game. What does that mean?

Bald Brian (108:02)

You just fly. You fly in from Amsterdam and you're like, jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on here? And boy, does that department store hate its customers. No, but seriously, it's like, I don't want to sound like a weirdo asshole. I'm not uptight, I'm not religious, I'm not. Whatever, but what message are we sending? And then when we get home and our kid wants a gun and we go, no, no, no, no, no, no. And it's like, well, the nice man with the sod off was pointing it at the minivan only moments earlier. I'm just saying it's a fucking video game. And here's the thing, I don't play your fucking piece of shit video game. I got a little something called pride in you, por. I mean pride. I meant grit, actually.

Esther Povitsky (108:44)

Pride and more pride.

Bald Brian (108:45)

You pride.

Adam Carolla (108:47)

You pride.

Bald Brian (108:48)

And there's something called you pride. No, the point is, I don't play your shitty video games where you go around blowing everyone's head off. Why do I have to be indoctrinated into it? I feel like I'm being sucked into your shitty, violent, sawed off shotgun world.

Adam Carolla (109:02)

And we're supposed to recognize that that's a video game and it's cool.

Bald Brian (109:05)

Well, here's the thing. We have a board of what? And yes, I did not know Red Dead Redemption. I didn't know if it was a video game or a movie. I thought the guy up there was Josh Brolin, by the way. Like I didn't know who the fuck it.

Esther Povitsky (109:22)

Vincent Gallo. Looks good.

Bald Brian (109:23)

Finally got off the fucking horse, you know, and onto a horse. The point is this. You can't. I've said this many times. I can't go down to the DMV and say, hey, I want a vanity plate that says God hater on it or ass man or anything. I can't do it. They'd review it. They'd go, you know what? Ass man, that would be offensive. Like if somebody got behind you and had kids or something, Ass man would be offensive to them. So no, sorry, but Josh Brolin on meth with a sawed off shotgun pointing at the fucking head of you and your nanny in the minivan? No problemo. How fast can you get it up? The fuck are we doing?

Adam Carolla (110:12)

Backwards.

Bald Brian (110:13)

All right.

Esther Povitsky (110:13)

The game's awesome, though.

Bald Brian (110:14)

It is. Don't buy that.

Adam Carolla (110:16)

Shut up.

Esther Povitsky (110:16)

I have no idea.

Adam Carolla (110:17)

Okay, good.

Bald Brian (110:18)

Don't play fucking video games, ass wipes. And don't get your kids into that nonsense either.

Adam Carolla (110:23)

It's bad for the brain.

Bald Brian (110:25)

Although my kid one is an Angry Bird this year for Christmas or for Halloween. An Angry Bird. It's a video game. Oh, yeah.

Adam Carolla (110:32)

Oh, I know. Angry Bird.

Bald Brian (110:34)

Yeah. You. You have a big slingshot and you launch bird carcasses into a crystal cathedral.

Esther Povitsky (110:39)

Is that an app or something?

Giovanni (110:40)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (110:40)

Yeah. And I, believe me, I rationalize that, that this is going to pay big dividends one day. You know, when he gets into the workforce and there's job openings where you have to launch dead birds into a big crystal apartment building. My son shooting right to the fucking top of that company, you know what I mean? He's gonna be CEO of the company that shoots birds into crystal buildings, you know? With a giant slingshot. He's gonna be kicking ass at that, you know, wherever that is. Head of the class, head of the class. That's my point.

Esther Povitsky (111:11)

How'd the Katy Perry thing go, by the way? You never got a wrap up on that.

Bald Brian (111:14)

My daughter dressed as Katy Perry. My son dressed as an Angry Bird. My.

Esther Povitsky (111:20)

By the way, the parents really do the dressing for Halloween at this point, don't they?

Bald Brian (111:23)

Yeah, they gotta go out and get this stuff.

Esther Povitsky (111:25)

So she was dressed as.

Bald Brian (111:26)

I paid for her transformation from 4 year old into whore.

Esther Povitsky (111:32)

You'll pay for it.

Bald Brian (111:32)

Oh, yeah. And I had a funny thing with my dad because she came in, you know, my dad was like 0 for 2. My 79 year old dad came over for a visit and he was on the sofa with the kids and he was like. And Sonny, what are you going for for Halloween? Angry Bird. What's that? An Angry Bird. Like a hawk and. Oh, Angry Bird. Okay, Natalia, what do you. Who you? Katy Perry.

Giovanni (112:03)

Who?

Bald Brian (112:04)

Katie Pocket Daddy. She's a whore who's dead. She's married to the drug addict from England who doesn't shave. And Russell. No. Video app? App? No. I'm hot. Yes. Yes. What? Some calamari? No. We're out, Dad. I got nothing. This is gonna take 20 minutes. Could have gone with the Cinderella and a hobo and been covered. But you know, Angry Bird and Katie Perry to my dad, that's over too.

Adam Carolla (112:35)

Can't do that.

Bald Brian (112:36)

Yeah. All right, Esther, where the hell were we? What else you got?

Adam Carolla (112:39)

Well, there was a carnival cruise for magicians for David Sandy's magic cruise that was left without air conditioning, hot food and telephone service.

Bald Brian (112:47)

Hold on, hold on a second. There's a carnival cruise for magic people. Oh, and then what's the entertainment? A couple from Sheboygan. Hello, how are you? We're the Rothsteins. And they just stand on stage for a while. All the magicians. All the magicians just stand there?

Adam Carolla (113:06)

Oh, my God.

Bald Brian (113:07)

Well, they.

Adam Carolla (113:07)

It's basically, it's a convention for magicians. So there's tons of magicians on this space.

Bald Brian (113:11)

Oh, my God.

Esther Povitsky (113:12)

Tough crowd.

Adam Carolla (113:13)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (113:13)

How many days? What's over under on you? Just throwing yourself off the lido deck. Over, under, over, under. 71 hours.

Esther Povitsky (113:21)

Captain's in the water already.

Adam Carolla (113:22)

It's a seven day cruise. But what happened is their engine caught on fire, so they were done. Like they couldn't do anything. So they've been towed by. Yeah, they've been towed by tugboats and they're supposed to reach land tomorrow and Thursday.

Bald Brian (113:35)

Mm.

Adam Carolla (113:36)

And the guy who owns the. This cruise ship or the thing that's Sandy's magic, whatever. Said they're all just excellent magicians wanting to hone their trade. They just do it on a cruise.

Bald Brian (113:47)

Sure.

Esther Povitsky (113:48)

You know how they never reveal the secrets?

Bald Brian (113:50)

Mm.

Esther Povitsky (113:50)

What must the conversations be like in the dining hall? Hey, where are you from? Why do you want to know?

Bald Brian (113:55)

What'd you hear?

Esther Povitsky (113:56)

No, I'm just asking. I mean, where you.

Bald Brian (113:57)

Who you've been talking to?

Esther Povitsky (113:59)

Why you ask me who I've been talking to?

Bald Brian (114:01)

Well, let's just put it this way. I'm from the tri state area.

Esther Povitsky (114:05)

You're not telling me which tri states. How's the steak?

Bald Brian (114:09)

It's shaped like a square. If someone kicked it, I'm on to you.

Esther Povitsky (114:15)

I got what you're saying.

Bald Brian (114:16)

Yeah, that's right. Mm. Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (114:18)

Let's never talk about this again.

Bald Brian (114:19)

Yeah, yeah. And they probably call them gags. Like stuntmen call them gags. That's right. Like they have their own word. They can't call them tricks. You know what I mean?

Esther Povitsky (114:28)

It's all industry terms.

Bald Brian (114:31)

I saw your hoop gag.

Esther Povitsky (114:32)

Oh, yeah, you saw the hootenanny with the. What's it.

Bald Brian (114:35)

Yeah, that was good gag. Good gag. Solid gag. Who'd you buy that from?

Esther Povitsky (114:39)

I pulled a leghorn in the middle, but I thought that was the only way to go.

Bald Brian (114:41)

It's a good gag. Solid gag. Yeah. You know, they have a name. They have their own fucking retarded name for that shit.

Esther Povitsky (114:47)

Like, comedians sort of have it. Like, you know my favorite, My Saver.

Bald Brian (114:51)

Yeah, Saver. A kill. My shed. Killed. Work on my set.

Esther Povitsky (114:55)

Yeah, My Saver's good. It helps me out. We know when I come up to.

Bald Brian (114:57)

My closer, it would have been nice if that cruise ship just hit a huge vortex and was sucked down into the abyss. And then it'd also be a good movie, too, because they find that ship, you know, it'd just be magician, magic ship.

Esther Povitsky (115:11)

Oh, you're captain here. Does anybody know any actual magic that.

Giovanni (115:14)

Was really coming right now?

Esther Povitsky (115:16)

Any actual magic?

Bald Brian (115:17)

Yeah, we got to get this engine started.

Giovanni (115:19)

That's right.

Bald Brian (115:20)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (115:20)

We're sick of the vortex.

Bald Brian (115:22)

Yeah. And, you know, probably, you know, it's funny, too, is, you know, they talk shit, too. Like, you know, they're all sitting around going, if Marshall Brodeen wasn't shit, he just got there first. You know what I mean? I mean, his magic playing deck. I give it a 5.

Esther Povitsky (115:38)

Ripped off his act.

Bald Brian (115:39)

Yeah. And, you know, when Copperfield's name Come up. They're all just. Oh, please, give me a fucking break.

Esther Povitsky (115:45)

Yeah, Mr. Schiffer, yeah.

Bald Brian (115:46)

Let me. Let me ask you this. Copperfield in the. Amongst the ranks of magicians, especially the guys that are working the sleight of hand stuff, like the close stuff, or they're pulling the sleeves up and everything. Or let's say Polly Shore amongst the ranks of comedians, like, who scores higher or lower? Like, I mean, how bad is that? You know? And then every once in a while there's a weird surprise thing where some guy will do the thing where they'll go, copperfield's a hell of a technician. Hell of a technician. Like, you'll go, oh, really? Like there's a weird. It's like. It'd be like, okay, let me. Here it is, here it is. Copperfield amongst the sleight of hand guys, Polly Shore amongst the working comedians, or John Tesh amongst the croners.

Esther Povitsky (116:36)

I think Tej gets the cred.

Bald Brian (116:38)

Tesh gets street cred.

Esther Povitsky (116:39)

I think so. Because he's actually a really good singer. I mean, you say what you about is like wordle music and stuff, but.

Bald Brian (116:43)

I feel like a hell of you.

Esther Povitsky (116:44)

He's got a hell of a baritone. I'm not afraid to say it.

Giovanni (116:48)

I'll say it.

Bald Brian (116:49)

Evidently.

Esther Povitsky (116:50)

Yeah, I think Tesh leads the way.

Bald Brian (116:53)

Really?

Adam Carolla (116:54)

His hair is silver.

Esther Povitsky (116:54)

Well, I mean, his music is silly and the songs are kind of whatever, but he can sing. He is a talented singer.

Bald Brian (116:59)

So you think Michael Buble is like, hey, man, that fucking Tesh got punched.

Esther Povitsky (117:03)

Yes, I think that's an apt analogy. If you ask Buble, like, say what you want about Tess's music.

Bald Brian (117:07)

I can sing. Really?

Esther Povitsky (117:08)

I think so. I'm not an expert, but let's get Mikey Bubbles in here and ask him.

Bald Brian (117:14)

Let's get Buble in here.

Adam Carolla (117:15)

The ones that hate Copperfield are like, oh, but he's so technical. And, you know, there's things to find that are good.

Bald Brian (117:21)

Yeah, let's get Boo Blair on the plower. I just wanted to say that. All right, let's. Let's think about one more quick story while I talk about my good friends over at Stitcher. Yeah, Great app. Speaking of apps, by the way, we were talking about apps earlier. You can lay it down on Your iPhone, your BlackBerry, Android and your Palm. The thing about Stitcher is it's not just good for this show. You can listen to almost any radio show. So you're from. You went to school in champagne, right? You had some station you liked over there, some local guys. You want to hear, or maybe you miss them or you're feeling homesick. Put the Stitcher app on and listen to radio stations and more in the morning radio shows all over the country. It's really cool. Stitcher.com. that's stitcher.com/plus. You get the extra content that we give you only@stitcher.com. all right, you know what I think? I think we should play a little nerd walking. Why don't we do that? Should we do that? The following is a presentation of Jeremiah Weed. Nerd walking Nerds. We're asking nerds if they know what guys who aren't dorks should know. They are all virgins. It's time for nerd walking. Cause you are nerds. Nerds. La la la la la la la. Yeah. By the way, had a little of that Jeremiah weed sour mash. You know, you really. You feel like an alcoholic when you just. Nice. You run out of one booze, and you go right to the next seamlessly, like you're like, whoop. Out of red wine. Oh, there's the sour mash. Jeremiah weed. Boom. Pour myself a glass of that last night. 90 proof, feeling, no pain. 90.

Esther Povitsky (119:07)

90. 90 proof, but 45% booze.

Bald Brian (119:10)

But it's the cherry mash. Just goes down smooth. All right, our own Logan went out to the Long Beach Comic Con. Logan probably ought to get somewhere near a microphone at this point. We're gonna go ahead and play, see if we can get the answers. Kind of like jaywalking, but it's nerd walking. All right, let's cue up the first one, shall we?

Esther Povitsky (119:33)

Do we explain? Sorry. To our new news girl. These are questions that nerds would have no business knowing. Unlikely they would know these answers.

Bald Brian (119:40)

And we'll gamble on it. Yeah. Might be obvious to you and I. Although, Esther, you look like you might qualify. But let's see. Here we go. Which team won what is referred to as the miracle on ice? Mm. Esther, do you know this one?

Adam Carolla (119:57)

I don't.

Bald Brian (119:58)

Being from the Midwest, this would be one, you know that might be up your alley. Miracle on Ice. But it's before your time. How old are you?

Adam Carolla (120:05)

I'm 22.

Bald Brian (120:06)

Oh, you're just a kid. Just a kid. Not even born.

Giovanni (120:09)

All right.

Bald Brian (120:09)

The miracle on ice is when the USA beat the Soviet.

Adam Carolla (120:14)

Oh, I saw the movie about it.

Bald Brian (120:15)

Yes, the much vaunted Soviet team. Not for the gold, by the way. People forget that. Go on, Play the Norwegians or Swedes or something.

Esther Povitsky (120:24)

Finland.

Bald Brian (120:24)

Finland.

Esther Povitsky (120:24)

Finland.

Bald Brian (120:25)

Finland. Yeah, they still had to beat Finland but they beat essentially professional hockey team back when we used to. When we used to suit up amateurs. That's right. All right, we're asking a nerd. Now, see, this is tough because they made a movie just recently.

Esther Povitsky (120:38)

Esther made my sort of guess point for me, which is he might not know this, but the movie came out a couple years ago. And I think he'll know it from the movie.

Bald Brian (120:45)

Esther.

Adam Carolla (120:46)

I'm gonna say I didn't know it. So although he's got that American flag T shirt on, I'll say he does know it.

Esther Povitsky (120:51)

All right, That's Captain America picture.

Bald Brian (120:54)

Wow. All right, I'm saying doesn't know. Esther saying doesn't know. Brian says does know. Here we go. Which team won what is referred to as the Miracle on Ice? The.

Johnny Pemberton (121:12)

Is that the 1980 U.S. hockey team?

Bald Brian (121:16)

Yes. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I like the Huey Lewis blaring in the background because Power of Love that must have been. They must have had a whole Back to the Future display. If I know my nerds. You like Huey Lewis in the news, by the way. A DeLorean pile of shit, slug of a car.

Esther Povitsky (121:35)

Would you blame that for just being the one production year, or is that. You think it would have fixed that, like, over the course of a few years?

Bald Brian (121:40)

It was during this time I saw.

Esther Povitsky (121:41)

A documentary on the documentary channel about it.

Bald Brian (121:44)

It was during a time when we couldn't figure out how pass emissions and get horsepower out of a car. So we just lowered compression, and when you lower compression, it's sort of like unplugging the car, like. And that thing had, I don't know, 145.

Adam Carolla (121:59)

Yeah, I'm a professional.

Bald Brian (122:01)

Yeah. You know about that. And it really. I mean, that car, literally, the DeLorean, 0 to 60, as fast or slow as any. Just bone stock minivan that is put out today. They had a little showing of all the cars from movies in front of the convention center. And the DeLorean was there with the Huey Lew song playing in the background. Wow. There. There's a shocker. See, I know my nerds. And also, by the way, Seth MacFarlane, if you want to know what nerds do when they get money. Seth I spoke to recently. Seth recently bought a tribute back to the future car where someone just takes a DeLorean and then goes down to Home Depot and gets a bunch of rigid conduit and some flex capacitor, flux capacitor, and bolts it all on there and then sells it to McFarland for 50 grand. And then I'M like, so that seems like a smart purchase, Seth. And he's like, yeah, you know. And I said, well, where's it now? And he's like, ah, it's getting the power steering and the air conditioning put into it because obviously Seth wants to drive the car. Oh, my God, it's gonna be awesome.

Esther Povitsky (123:06)

I guess that sort of answers my question. Would it be worth it to at least. I wouldn't say soup it up, but to sort of modernize it to like, you know, if you had the money, drop in a new engine and blah, blah, blah to make it drivable?

Bald Brian (123:16)

Yeah, but then you're the dick driving around in the DeLorean. That's awesome, though.

Esther Povitsky (123:20)

No, no, no, sorry. Not the actual back to the future model. I mean, if you were to buy a DeLorean for whatever, like five grand on eBay or something.

Bald Brian (123:26)

Yes, you could buy it. Cost you a little more than that, but you could buy one, sort of modernize it, put in, get a little better power plant and have sort of an interesting conversation. Piece of a car to drive around. All right. Oh, for. Let's see. I'm 04, Esther's 04, and Brian's got one. Yes. Let's keep moving. When referring to tires, what does PSI stand for?

Adam Carolla (123:54)

Esther, I'm gonna say he knows.

Bald Brian (123:57)

Do you know?

Adam Carolla (123:58)

No, I don't.

Esther Povitsky (123:59)

All right, Brian, I have no idea either. No, just kidding. But I'll say he doesn't know.

Bald Brian (124:06)

Do you know? Psn? Yeah. Okay.

Esther Povitsky (124:08)

Pounds per square inch.

Bald Brian (124:08)

All right, I'm taking it. Thanks. Sorry. This is a dick of me. That was a dickish thing to do. Pounds per square inch. Now, nerds, no technical stuff.

Adam Carolla (124:17)

Right.

Bald Brian (124:17)

All right, so, Esther, you say.

Adam Carolla (124:18)

I say he knows it.

Bald Brian (124:20)

Brian says no, he won't. I say no as well. When referring to tires, what does PSI stand for? Pressure. Pressure per square inch. Or something that like. All right, so, Brian, two for two.

Esther Povitsky (124:35)

We're not taking that.

Bald Brian (124:36)

No.

Esther Povitsky (124:36)

Okay.

Bald Brian (124:37)

No. I need pounds. Well, conveniently, I need pounds. Because I'm right. If I. If I do that, Esther, your 22 year old ass is over, baby.

Adam Carolla (124:47)

Oh, my God.

Bald Brian (124:48)

Yeah. All right, let's keep going. Finish this phrase. A 101st blank division.

Adam Carolla (124:55)

I have no idea what that means. And I'm gonna say he doesn't either.

Bald Brian (125:00)

Let's see. 101 infantry. Arrow.

Esther Povitsky (125:03)

Airborne.

Bald Brian (125:04)

Airborne.

Esther Povitsky (125:04)

Wow, Mr. Mr. History Channel.

Bald Brian (125:07)

Took me a second. I said arrow. Took me a second. I gotta get to Airborne. I'm gonna go. No. Although these guys play a lot of video Games that has a lot of this stuff.

Esther Povitsky (125:16)

Nerds love to study. And that was a high school history thing, and it was world US History, senior year. I want to say yes. I like your video game analogy.

Johnny Pemberton (125:27)

Yes.

Esther Povitsky (125:27)

He'll know. He'll know.

Bald Brian (125:28)

All right, Esther.

Adam Carolla (125:29)

Okay. I'll say yes because of his T shirt.

Bald Brian (125:32)

It says Force on it, by the way. We're now taking pictures of these guys. Brute force says on it. I'm going to go. No. To see if I can tie bald Bryant. Finish this phrase. 101st blank division. Joy. Please say Joy. The sis. Oh, my God. All right, now, Brian's got a zero there. Esther. Jeez, you should be ashamed of yourself, young lady.

Adam Carolla (126:01)

I don't know nerds at all.

Bald Brian (126:02)

Do not know nerds. Brian and I tied up, by the way. Let's keep going. What kind of products does Everlast make? Whoa. That was awesome. Okay, that's a great question. Was that in the background?

Esther Povitsky (126:17)

Play it again.

Bald Brian (126:17)

What kind of products does Everlast? Me. They had the Camaro from Transformers out there. Yes.

Esther Povitsky (126:24)

Bumblebee. I mean, I have no idea who that was.

Bald Brian (126:27)

The Camaro. Yeah. All right. I feel like this has been on enough T shirts. I mean, 10 years ago, nobody knew. Like, this is like a Big Daddy Roth kind of thing or. Who am I trying to think of?

Esther Povitsky (126:44)

Ben Davis?

Bald Brian (126:45)

No, I'm. God damn it. I'm trying to think of the guy who did. Oh, shit.

Esther Povitsky (126:51)

Ed Hardy.

Bald Brian (126:53)

No, who's the guy did all the hot rod shit that's now got really cool a few years ago?

Esther Povitsky (126:58)

Dr. Drew.

Bald Brian (126:59)

Yeah. There you go.

Esther Povitsky (127:00)

Jesse James.

Bald Brian (127:02)

No, no, this. This guy from the 50s. This 50s hot rod. Oh, hot rod stuff up. Snake.

Esther Povitsky (127:09)

Shelby.

Bald Brian (127:10)

No. Somebody. Come on, one of you ass wipes, shout this thing out, would you, please? It's all over the place. A few years ago, okay, did all the. You know, he paid all the pinstriping and all the. All the hot rod stuff and.

Esther Povitsky (127:23)

Where's Sandy Gantz?

Bald Brian (127:25)

No, wait. What are ship foose.

Esther Povitsky (127:26)

What are we. By the way, what are we looking for here? Is it boxing trunks or we accepting clothing?

Bald Brian (127:32)

I'm pissed off now. Hold on a second. I'm going nuts. The guy did all the vintage 50s hot rod, whatever. And all the clothing line got really hip and cool. Melrose Avenue about five years ago. Maybe just a little bit more. And it was Von Dutch. Von Dutch. Thank you. Jesus Christ. You homos ought to hang your fucking heads. Wait, wait, wait, wait. We're homos because we don't know Von Dutch? Von Dutch.

Adam Carolla (128:00)

Come on, you got a 22 year.

Bald Brian (128:02)

Old from fucking Skokie who hasn't got a goddamn question right yet? He fucking smoked all your asses.

Esther Povitsky (128:09)

Smoked.

Bald Brian (128:10)

Well, Von Dutch, how. I'm out five minutes into this, Ruddery. How much more description would you need for Von Dutch? Thank you, baby. You're back in my good graces.

Adam Carolla (128:20)

Yes.

Bald Brian (128:21)

All right, now, where were we? So people didn't know Von Dutch. You know, you didn't know Von Dutch was a customizer or he did airbrush on tanks or whatever, but he came out with a clothing line. Yeah, his hats were big that everyone got hip on. Madonna wore them a while ago, so Everlast kind of did the same thing. You wouldn't know. They made speed bags and heavy bags and such, but then they came around. They've been around for over a hundred years, I think.

Esther Povitsky (128:46)

So we're looking for boxing equipment and. Or clothing. If you just say clothing, it's not gonna work.

Bald Brian (128:50)

Right?

Adam Carolla (128:51)

I think that counts.

Bald Brian (128:53)

Excuse me, sweetheart, but I'll be doing the thinning around here.

Giovanni (128:58)

How about leaving the jokes to Adam?

Bald Brian (129:01)

No, because you say, what kind of company is Everlast? And I'm gonna need to hear the boxing mixed into that somewhere, because that's really what they are. Clothing is not gonna work forever. Last.

Esther Povitsky (129:11)

Yeah. If you said Under Armour, they're saying clothes wouldn't work.

Bald Brian (129:13)

Right. Right. Okay. We don't need the condescending. I know you're riding high on your Von Dutch victory, but we don't need the condescending. Hmm. Okay. It's not right. It needs. Rephrase it one more time. Let's hear the question one more time. What kind of products does Everlast make? Yeah.

Giovanni (129:31)

Products.

Adam Carolla (129:32)

Yes.

Bald Brian (129:32)

Okay. It needs to be. It needs to be. Well, listen, Ford makes T shirts, too. But if you say, what kind of products does Ford make? You couldn't say hats. You gotta say Cars. All right, so there you go. I'm gonna say nos.

Adam Carolla (129:45)

I say no.

Bald Brian (129:46)

No way. Does not know.

Adam Carolla (129:47)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (129:48)

And Louie, what the hell is he dressed at?

Bald Brian (129:49)

To Note to not. Is that looks like some kind of vampire? We're looking at the guy. Keep forgetting we're looking at the dude. Jesus Christ. There's a rapper. Everlast. All right, I'm gonna say fuck it. He knows. You say he doesn't know. No way. Here we go. What kind of products does Everlast? Me, batteries. I heard it. What kind of products does Everlast make? Boxing. Yes. And Corolla jumps out to fucking commanding lead of 1. Look out world commanding. Esther, you want to just go wait in the corner or you want to finish up?

Adam Carolla (130:30)

I'll carry on.

Bald Brian (130:32)

Here's what I'm going to say to you, sweetie. It takes every bit as much skill to get none of them right as it does to run the table and get them all right. Every bit. I would reckon it would take me longer to get every single one of them wrong than it would to get every single one right. If it makes you feel any better, it's a technique. Like if you want to, you know, if you went to the track and every single horse you picked came in dead last, that's a fuck. It's its own skill, right? It's its own useless, horrible skill, but it's. You know what I'm saying?

Esther Povitsky (131:04)

Kind of like the sound drops.

Bald Brian (131:06)

Yes, it's its own skill. All right, here we go. Bonus. This is it. Last question. Ball, Brian. Here we go. I'll go first. Name two boxes with the nickname Sugar Ray. Two boxers with the name Sugar Ray. Esther don't know. Well, now you got Sugar Ray Leonard. You got Sugar Shane Mosley, but that's confusing. And you got Sugar Ray Robinson.

Adam Carolla (131:32)

Okay?

Bald Brian (131:33)

And it's a guy looks sort of Asian, a little bit older. I'm gonna say, does not know, even though Leonard's a layup and Robinson is a fucking hall of Famer, But I'm gonna say doesn't know.

Esther Povitsky (131:45)

My one saving grace is this is the same nerd who knew the US Hockey team. Oh, you locked in.

Bald Brian (131:51)

But doesn't matter.

Esther Povitsky (131:52)

There's no way, you know, Sugar Ray Robinson. Sugar Ray Robinson is obscure to the normal person.

Bald Brian (131:57)

Sugar Ray Robinson was in one of the greatest movies ever, Raging Bull. Sugar Ray Robinson was Jake LaMotta's nemesis that entire movie, and his name probably came up 30 times. So if you watched Raging Bull and by the way, Sugar Ray Robinson was, you know, there's some of these guys, it's like, oh, yeah, you see that old school guy with, you know, Gentleman Jim Corbett and his fist up. Sugar Ray Robinson was a magician in the ring. Would knock people out with a left hand uppercuts lightning fast. I mean, he was a dancer.

Esther Povitsky (132:37)

I don't know boxing. But is that the kind of gloves they used?

Bald Brian (132:39)

Those tough. No, he's working out those using bag gloves. He was a magician. I mean, he was the basically way ahead of his time. And it's just a crazy athletic specimen who was, you know, 160 fights without being knocked out.

Esther Povitsky (132:56)

Also violates my, my, my law against claiming other nicknames you know what I'm saying? Leonard's famous and all that stuff, but come on, Sugar.

Bald Brian (133:04)

But I don't know. I think got a good chance here. Here we go. You says do know, I say don't know. And I forgot we're staring at the same guy. I knew the hockey question, so here we go.

Adam Carolla (133:11)

I say, he knows.

Bald Brian (133:12)

Name two boxes with the nickname Sugar Ray.

Esther Povitsky (133:16)

Two boxers.

Bald Brian (133:17)

Yeah. Leonard and Tony. That's Lights Out. Out Tony. As I stepped on it. You should. I was gonna let you say James. Lights Out Tony. All right. Speaking of Lights out. Yeah. Yes. New York Times best selling author and winner. Nay. Winner of Gay walking. No, nay. Winner of Nerd walking and New York Times best selling author. Adam Carolla's taking that one to the bat.

Esther Povitsky (133:53)

Don't bury the lead.

Bald Brian (133:54)

Yeah. All right. Thank you. Outro, please.

Esther Povitsky (133:57)

Oh, that's right. Here we go.

Bald Brian (134:04)

Made possible by Jeremiah Weed. Johnny Pemberton. Johnny. By the way, speaking of fighters, there's a fighter named Pemberton. Pemberton. Do you know that guy?

Johnny Pemberton (134:20)

No. There's a lot of Pembertons out there, so there's enough.

Bald Brian (134:26)

Nice work, Logan. Yeah. Find that fighter I had. Shit. Oh, shit. Light heavyweight. A super middleweight. Pepperdine. I gotta figure his name out. Anyway. Guy fought some pretty good fights. Anyway.

Esther Povitsky (134:40)

Just ask Esther. She'll tell you all about him.

Adam Carolla (134:42)

Oh, yeah, Good.

Bald Brian (134:43)

But I think he had a P instead of a B, where Johnny's B is, but. Good. See you, Johnny.

Johnny Pemberton (134:49)

Good to see you.

Bald Brian (134:49)

How's the show going?

Johnny Pemberton (134:50)

It's great. It's all. It's all been done for a while now, so I'm safe and at home now. But it's. The show was a blast to make.

Bald Brian (134:59)

What was the scariest?

Johnny Pemberton (135:00)

Scariest? There's a lot of things. It's hard to figure that out. I think the scariest thing for me was definitely when I was riding up in a man bucket on a crane that was driving. And I threw a likeness of myself out of the crane. And we had a. A stunt driver pull in front of the crane so he had to stop really fast. And I threw it out and it smashed the $5,000 windshield on the crane. And then he rolled over and he thought he had just fucking killed me, but I was fine up there.

Bald Brian (135:26)

Oh, yeah, it was your body, it was your likeness, but the.

Johnny Pemberton (135:30)

The supports on the man basket both broke. So I was swinging really like 50ft up in the air, and I thought I was gonna fall out and die.

Esther Povitsky (135:37)

Man basket.

Bald Brian (135:37)

That does sound like something Lycus Would advertise.

Esther Povitsky (135:40)

I should have named my fantasy team the Man Basket.

Bald Brian (135:43)

Listen, when you're done with that amateur hour known as the Fleshlight, it's time to step up to the Man Basket.

Johnny Pemberton (135:50)

There's no better name for it.

Bald Brian (135:52)

I'm sorry. There's a picture of Pemberton. What the fuck is Scott? Oh, it is Pepperton. Pemberton. Same as you, right?

Johnny Pemberton (135:59)

Yeah, but that's not me. I don't know that much.

Bald Brian (136:01)

But why the fuck don't you know who he is?

Johnny Pemberton (136:03)

I don't know. I usually get the Civil War general and the guy invented Coca Cola because we have the exact same first name as well.

Bald Brian (136:11)

Oh, really?

Johnny Pemberton (136:11)

But I'm not related to either of those guys at all.

Bald Brian (136:13)

But you don't know Scotty? No.

Johnny Pemberton (136:15)

Scott Pemberton.

Bald Brian (136:16)

All right, well, there he is.

Esther Povitsky (136:17)

You're not alone.

Bald Brian (136:18)

Yeah, all right. There he is, by the way, getting his ass kicked by the guy who was in my movie, Jeff Left Hook Lacey, if you recognize the crazy physique. Must be nice to be black. No goddamn waist and just 19 inch arms on that motherfucker. Either way, where were we? Oh, I was gonna call you Scott for a second, Johnny. And now, how did this show begin? I mean, what's the genesis of it?

Johnny Pemberton (136:44)

The genesis? I mean, I was modeling for Getty's for a little bit and they found me at a Target parking lot. Actually, no, it was just. I just auditioned for. It was something simple as that.

Bald Brian (136:54)

Somebody came up with it. But had you done stunt work, stunt driving, anything like that?

Johnny Pemberton (136:58)

I know nothing of it. I'm a horrible driver and I'm not at all qualified for anything I was doing. That's kind of the point of the show, is that I have no reason to be there doing that whatsoever.

Bald Brian (137:09)

And, you know, like anyone who's a fan of Top Gear, the UK version, about three, four years ago, the little guy, I can't think of his name, I should know it by now, he went and test drove a rocket car and at 300 miles an hour, wheel just blew up. Just literally blew up. And the thing went to a crazy spin and rolled 20 times and he went into a coma, like, almost died. This stuff. It's that kind of, hey, he's gonna wrestle a bear. It seems all very fun and cameras rolling, all that kind of stuff. But when a tire blows out at 300 miles an hour, which it can do, you're no longer an actor, right?

Johnny Pemberton (137:49)

You're just holding on.

Bald Brian (137:50)

You're holding on for dear fucking life. And you can End up in a coma.

Johnny Pemberton (137:53)

That was the case of most. The show, too, was. I wasn't really acting at all. Just screaming obscenities, constantly trying not to throw up. And, yeah, I ran out of swear words.

Bald Brian (138:03)

How about the stunt plane?

Johnny Pemberton (138:04)

The stunt plane was great.

Bald Brian (138:05)

That.

Johnny Pemberton (138:05)

Well, actually, it was horrible. It was. It was fun for about five minutes. It was incredible to drive, because to fly, because it's so easy to fly. If you. To do a loop, you just pull back on the stick, and it just goes right. There's no nuance to it at all. It just does it effortlessly.

Bald Brian (138:21)

What those guys do in those stunt planes. First off, there's a couple things that are super hairy. Like, people look at the X Games and they go, ooh, wow, man. That's pretty hairy. But I'll tell you something. Like, the Reno air races are hairy. That is. You're 30ft above the ground. You're going 550 miles an hour in a P51. And if some. If you clip something, you go right into the ground and disintegrate. You die. You don't. Like, hey, he busted his collarbone or he's not gonna walk, right? For a couple weeks, you just. Boom, boom, die. Pow. And the stunt plane guys, those guys snap those things around. I mean, they don't go, oh, we're gonna go into a barrel roll. They snap it. When they do those knife edges and everything, right?

Johnny Pemberton (139:06)

And they don't even do, like, barrel rolls. They do, like, thing where it's, like, tumbling. It looks like it's not even flying.

Bald Brian (139:10)

It isn't flying.

Johnny Pemberton (139:11)

It's just out of control, twisting to the sky and. Yeah, you can't make. Can't have. No. I have no idea what was going on. And next thing I know, I'm vomiting on myself as we're making the descent.

Bald Brian (139:22)

They put the parachute on you, right?

Johnny Pemberton (139:23)

Yeah, I had the parachute. You sit on it. It's like this weird contraption where you have to. I don't know. It's like a couch cushion under your ass. Yeah.

Bald Brian (139:31)

You know what's weird about the vomiting in the aircraft? Anyone who's ever partied and driven, like, went on a road trip part. Like, you know, like, you know, when I was in high school, I was in a vw, and I was in the seat VW station wagon, and I heaved all over myself, and my buddy was sitting next to me because I chugged too much. You know, the cheap bottle wine, you know, white wine. And like, a. This thing didn't even come in a box. It Came in like a basketball or something and I chugged too much of it and I heaved all over the. You know, and of course, everyone in the car. It's your worst nightmare, right? Some other guy heaves, now you're gonna heave, or it's like, ah, fucking open a window, dude. Like, this is horrible, right? I mean, somebody heaves in a bus that you're in and it's fucking brutal in a cockpit of an F18 when a dude heaves. Fucking. So if you're the pilot of the guy of the blue angel, who's gonna get the country star sitting behind you like, yeah, I'm gonna get you to heave, like, who's the fucking joke on Duke? Well, he just heaved in the cockpit of your plane. That's your plane.

Esther Povitsky (140:34)

One guy feels better, one guy feels worse.

Bald Brian (140:37)

And the point is, is ain't nothing smaller than a cockpit. That's a smart car and somebody heaved in it and you ain't getting out for a while. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Johnny Pemberton (140:45)

Well, that's why I got in trouble. Because what you're supposed to do, which he did, failed to tell me before I threw up everywhere, is that you're supposed to pull open your flight suit and vomit down your chest. That's like. That's like the technical way to do it. Because that way you don't mess up the controls in the aircraft. But I did the exact opposite. I shot it all over, everywhere in front of me. I didn't think it was actually gonna happen. So.

Bald Brian (141:06)

Right. You blasted.

Johnny Pemberton (141:09)

It was ridiculous.

Bald Brian (141:10)

I put a. Well, first off, the huge lunch, I.

Johnny Pemberton (141:14)

Know it was the biggest mistake I made. That was the. Was early on the show and I definitely learned from it. We shot with a Czechoslovakian fighter jet later and was pulling like seven GS in that. And I managed to not to remember not to have a huge lunch. I just ate whatever the pilot ate. I watched him drinking half a Coca Cola and like a few crackers, and that was good.

Giovanni (141:32)

This is.

Bald Brian (141:33)

This ranks up there with Jimmy Kimmel's huevos rancheros before we went out on a half day boat. Just like the craziest thing in the world. But Jimmy gets seasick. I mean, he gets motion sickness. He can't fly to Vegas without having a bag on his lap and literally threw up snorkeling. He snorkels. He throws up into a fucking snorkel, Brian. Everyone just made a face like, wow. So I was wondering why he doesn't.

Esther Povitsky (142:03)

Take like Dramamine or something.

Bald Brian (142:05)

He does he does now or whatever, but he didn't. He fucking loves fishing. But he has crazy motion sickness, right? So many, many years ago, many fucking years ago, me and him decide we're going on a half day boat out of El Segundo. And the half day boat leaves at like 5am and it just comes back at 5pm and it's pretty simple. It's a half day, that's, that's 12 hours. That's the way it works. So we go, all right, all right, let's do it. And you know, we're not celebrities. He's doing some radio, I'm doing some radio and we're psyched up about it. So he does, Jimmy's one of these guys where if he goes to the airport, he goes there three hours early kind of thing. So I'm like, what time the boat leaves at 5am what time do you want to get to my apartment to look a lake? And he's like, like 2, 2am you know. And I remember we just stayed up all night. We just pretty much stayed up all night. And we drove down by the way, El Segundo at three in the morning. There's not a shitload of traffic. You know, we were down there in 35, 40 minutes. Next thing you know, we're in El Segundo. It's like 3:15 and the boat ain't going anywhere for long. It's the middle of the night. So we go, fuck it, let's get something to eat. So me and Jimmy walk into an all night Mexican diner in the middle of El Segundo. And it was almost like you'd almost hear the needle drag across and the two white guys like, hello, like we're seeing Otis, Otis my man, you know, and we come walking in like, oh, and it's just a bunch of crazy Mexican locals in there. And we sit down and Jimmy proceeds to order the huevos rancheros. And like hardcore with the eggs barely cooked, slopping everywhere and the beans and the whole nine yards, he, he chugs that thing down. We're, we're getting out of the harbor about 5:15 in the morning. Jimmy yaks all over like some falls asleep on top of the deck, on top of a hatch about 6 inches above the deck, like half on the hatch. Guys putting their, his body is in like what a chalk outline is on. It's literally like he fell off of something and landed on this thing. And guys are setting their tackle box down around him and stepping on him. And he's just past that for 12 hours he's passed out on a deck with guys just change smoking, you know, pulling their tackle boxes out front. But I just thought the Wavos Ranchero is not a great choice.

Esther Povitsky (144:30)

He didn't even have the wherewithal to go to the side of the boat. He was so out of it.

Bald Brian (144:34)

I think he may have heaved off the side of the boat in the, you know, the 10 minutes into our 12 hour journey and then just passed out after that. And by the way, just quickly, our good buddy, speaking of Jimmy, it's his birthday today and it's also Donnie's birthday today. And guess whose party wins out every year? Jimmy's party. But we should tip the cap to our the grandfather of podcasting, the man behind the colonel, Tom Parker of podcasting, Donnie Mizrahi, 46 years young today. Yeah, put your hands together. God love him. All right. Sorry, Johnny. Where were we?

Johnny Pemberton (145:15)

I was really enjoying the vomit story.

Bald Brian (145:17)

So you flew in the Mig Astro?

Johnny Pemberton (145:21)

Yeah, it's something like that. Some kind of a MiG sort of thing. It's from like 1979 or something. It's like a trainer jet. They used to have a cold war training jet.

Bald Brian (145:28)

And what'd you do on four wheels?

Johnny Pemberton (145:30)

Four wheels. Shot with so many things. Shot with the aerial atom that was.

Bald Brian (145:33)

Like right away, fast car, crashed that.

Johnny Pemberton (145:35)

The first day of shooting.

Bald Brian (145:36)

Ariel Adam is a street legal, essentially race car. It's like really very super lightweight.

Johnny Pemberton (145:43)

High winding, accelerates faster than I think anything, right I or something faster than anything street lady.

Bald Brian (145:48)

It's way, way, way up there. It's in the, in the mid twos, high twos in the 0 to 60 department. Very fast.

Johnny Pemberton (145:55)

Yeah, it was fun. We took a really like a 400 pound dude and put him in there next to me and had a bunch of slow motion cameras capturing the ripples on his body as we accelerated to 100 miles an hour.

Bald Brian (146:06)

So that was fun. It's MTV's version of Top Gear and Jackass. And did you sustain any injuries?

Johnny Pemberton (146:14)

I didn't sustain any injuries. Nothing more than just being completely and totally sore every day when I woke up because half the vehicles, like this one thing I rode was a thing called a brimstone bike. It's this, it's. It's a quadricycle, which kind of makes no sense. It's a, it's a motorcycle, but it's a car. So it's like you're riding this motorcycle and that thing, it's, you know, it's like riding a horse or something. So it's really hard to stay on and whipping shitties everywhere and stuff. So that thing had me incredibly sore after writing. But basically I managed to not get hurt at all. Even though there was a couple times where I thought I was gonna die.

Bald Brian (146:46)

Probably should have.

Johnny Pemberton (146:47)

Yeah. The next episode that's on Tonight, I drive this gigantic motorcycle. It's like this 16 foot tall cartoon of a motorcycle that some guy custom built. It's called the big dream bike because it's his dream. He sunk I don't know how many hundreds of thousands of dollars in to make it what we did. We took that thing off this. Off this jump to jump over a bunch of bikes and the ramp busted to pieces and the thing almost toppled over, in which case I would have been inside this would have bounced around inside this cage of metal and probably would have broke something.

Bald Brian (147:16)

How does the thing have like a sort of an outrigger or training wheel?

Johnny Pemberton (147:19)

It has these tiny training wheels, but they're so small then. And we went off this jump. It just was so unstable. It was this close to.

Bald Brian (147:26)

Why is this guy letting you potentially wreck his big dream of a bike? Wow.

Johnny Pemberton (147:31)

That was the big question of the show. I think it was just the insurance. I actually did wreck this bike. I broke the drive shaft because I gave it too much gas. Right here, this part right here. And yeah, the drive shaft broke. That was like some huge, rugged, custom built piece of the machine.

Bald Brian (147:45)

There's no helmet law where this cat's from, huh? You think you'd toss a helmet on when you got on the world's biggest motorcycle?

Johnny Pemberton (147:53)

Yeah, I think I had it on later, but there was somehow we just.

Bald Brian (147:56)

Forgot putting it on at the hotel. I'm no safety expert. Once you get back to the hotel, it doesn't do you a whole lot of good.

Johnny Pemberton (148:03)

It doesn't.

Bald Brian (148:04)

So this is. You just were watching footage by the way of Johnny just hauling ass at now down the street.

Johnny Pemberton (148:10)

A lot of things broke. I managed to break a lot of things. Not really trying to, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I have something. Some weird quality about me that breaks these machines also.

Bald Brian (148:19)

You know when guys are building one off things and you know, not exactly Lexus over here. And keep in mind the guy built. It's insane.

Johnny Pemberton (148:28)

Yeah, definitely. Definitely an eccentric guy.

Esther Povitsky (148:31)

The relentless pursuit of insanity.

Bald Brian (148:33)

Right. I love it. You know, and everyone always thinks about these guys, but I always think about their. Why?

Johnny Pemberton (148:39)

Well, some of them don't have wives.

Bald Brian (148:41)

Hold on, hold on. What?

Johnny Pemberton (148:44)

Some of them.

Bald Brian (148:45)

Oh, thank God. I Was sitting down. All right, so anyway, the show on MTV Mega Drive. And on MTV tonight, 10:30 and let's see. Esther, should we keep on keeping on with your news, by the way? And, Johnny, you just jump in.

Johnny Pemberton (149:03)

All right, I'll jump in.

Bald Brian (149:06)

And now the rest of the news with Esther. Lauren.

Adam Carolla (149:11)

I've got a story from Vivid Entertainment.

Bald Brian (149:14)

Yeah, you do.

Adam Carolla (149:16)

Their next big porn spoof is going to be about the feud between Kanye west and Taylor Swift.

Bald Brian (149:24)

Oh, yeah, that's fertile soil. Yeah, I would definitely watch that.

Adam Carolla (149:30)

Very inappropriate. They're starting filming in the next two months and they're very excited about it.

Bald Brian (149:35)

Well, you get a chick who looks something like Taylor and you get a dude that looks something like Kanye, and I think we can do the math.

Esther Povitsky (149:42)

Where are they gonna find those people?

Bald Brian (149:43)

Yeah, it's hard to find the tall blondes in the porn industry. And the men of color. Yeah. Rarely see that.

Adam Carolla (149:49)

Well, they usually use people that are already porn stars. I did Sarah Palin porn. The girl. I met her at a comedy show.

Bald Brian (149:57)

Hold on. You're saying they don't joke? Just go down to the shopping malls and go, hey, young lady, how old are you?

Adam Carolla (150:03)

Well, they could 18.

Bald Brian (150:05)

Is anyone interesting? All right. Oh, where are you attending college?

Esther Povitsky (150:09)

You just grab yourself a stuff type.

Bald Brian (150:10)

Stanford. Okay. How'd you like to make $75 and do some coke? So you're saying they go. They shop from within the porn industry. Right.

Adam Carolla (150:18)

Because the Nayland Palin star, she was, like, upset that now she's only known as the Sarah Palin porn impersonator.

Bald Brian (150:26)

Whereas before she was known as the just nothing.

Adam Carolla (150:28)

Yeah, exactly. She's like, I did por for 10.

Bald Brian (150:31)

Years, and now I was known as a coker.

Esther Povitsky (150:33)

And now get that drop.

Adam Carolla (150:35)

She's very disappointed.

Johnny Pemberton (150:36)

She works so hard for that.

Bald Brian (150:37)

But you're saying they pull within their own ranks, Right? Like when the Dallas Cowboys need a new head football coach. They didn't. They didn't go to the mall.

Esther Povitsky (150:47)

That's why I have a practice. Practice squad.

Bald Brian (150:49)

Okay, I got you now. All right.

Esther Povitsky (150:53)

The porn practice squad. Can you imagine that?

Bald Brian (150:55)

Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (150:56)

Listen, look, we only have 2:53 spots on this porn roster.

Giovanni (150:59)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (150:59)

But you will be able to travel with the team. Right. And what you're going to need to do is, you know, if we're going up against Ron Jeremy, we're going to need you to simulate his cock for practice.

Esther Povitsky (151:09)

Well, I. At least get the players doing that ahead of time.

Bald Brian (151:12)

No mind proving it's not going to take a lot of snaps. Go ahead.

Adam Carolla (151:15)

Sorry, Indiana Jones 5.

Bald Brian (151:19)

Are you fucking shitting me?

Adam Carolla (151:20)

Maybe not yet.

Bald Brian (151:21)

But the last one, Blue Hippo Ass.

Adam Carolla (151:25)

No, that's.

Bald Brian (151:28)

The porn was. The last one was fucking insulting. Like, it was just that bad. And the thing that drives me insane, I don't mind the bad movies. I really don't. Because everyone makes shitty movies. I mind a couple of things. I mind it when somebody's talking to Spielberg or whoever the fuck wrote it and it went like, hey, what's up? And it was like, hey, man, you can't rush greatness. Like, I've been working on this script for 12 years. Like, you know, it's like, I will serve no wine before its time. Like when. When George Clooney said mea culpa on. On. On Ocean's Eleven 2. But we're back for the super shitty Ocean's Eleven 3. Or when Rob Schneider said, I can't come in and do Loveline because I have writer's block because I'm working on Deuce bigelow, European Gigolo 2. And then you see the final product. That's when you get angry. Like I was with it until I saw the final product of Indiana Jones five or four, whatever it was. And then I was fucking livid.

Esther Povitsky (152:32)

Like, most famous example of that, by the way, Michael Caine missed the Oscars. The one where he won for, I think Hand and Her Sisters, because he was filming Jaws 3. Or Jaws 3.

Bald Brian (152:42)

Yeah. Oh, really? There you go. There you go. This thing, I mean, it makes you. What did Spielberg write? The who wrote this last one may.

Esther Povitsky (152:51)

Have been Frank Darabont, but whoever wrote.

Bald Brian (152:53)

It was really like, needs a fucking PET scan. Like something's up with their fucking brain.

Esther Povitsky (152:59)

There was nothing. I'm not exaggerating. There's nothing redeemable about that movie. It was awful. Start to finish, half an hour too long. I would say, two and a half hours too long.

Bald Brian (153:08)

If one of those guys was in the room with me, I would tell them that the first 20 minutes was palatable. But I mean, it's fine. Even though it was ridiculous. Like being shot at by a thousand Nazis and never. But the rest of it was just ridiculous. Like, hey, I'm driving a VW thing and I got a plan. I'm gonna drive off a cliff. That's your plan? And the old man falling down the ever growing waterfalls and he dusts himself off when he gets out of the river like an 80 year old. The fucking skull just. The whole thing was just a. Was a piece of shit. It was just a piece of Shit.

Johnny Pemberton (153:43)

It was just an extension of the Disneyland ride. Basically they took the five minute Disneyland ride and made it into.

Bald Brian (153:50)

Feel like five hours. Yes. It was fucking horrible. Sorry. Go ahead.

Adam Carolla (153:53)

It did well in the box office though. 786 million. But how many million? 786.

Bald Brian (154:00)

That's okay.

Giovanni (154:02)

Wait.

Esther Povitsky (154:02)

Yebbit. Still.

Bald Brian (154:03)

Yeah, but still. Thank you. Sorry, I forgot to use my. Yeah, but still.

Adam Carolla (154:08)

But it's not confirmed yet. Basically, Harrison Ford just kind of wants it to happen because he said, you know, the premiere of his morning Glory movies, like if the three of us could get together, I want to do it. Spielberg and George Lucas, he wants it.

Bald Brian (154:21)

Really?

Johnny Pemberton (154:22)

He wants to die making a movie.

Adam Carolla (154:23)

He's pushing for it.

Bald Brian (154:24)

Can he make. Let's aim for four and a half this time, fellas. Let's set our sights. Let's put the bar up to four and a half now. See if we can do it. It's always amazing when people who do this for a living, and I mean technically some of the most skilled people on the planet, but storyline just a pile of shit. By the way, why did the aliens want to kill the guy who returned the crystal skull to them? It was a piece of shit anyway. Sorry, let's not do this. Let's fucking boycott this piece of shit, everybody. Sorry.

Adam Carolla (154:58)

There's a study on the 20 flirtiest countries on Earth. And America ranks as number 19. Spain is number one. Sort of interesting.

Johnny Pemberton (155:09)

How do they measure that?

Adam Carolla (155:11)

I guess they're trying to see how. Which women advance. It's based on what? The women advancing on men.

Bald Brian (155:18)

It's. It's whoresque.

Adam Carolla (155:20)

Yes, it is.

Esther Povitsky (155:21)

Sammy Hawkins.

Bald Brian (155:22)

Yeah. Yeah. Let's see.

Adam Carolla (155:25)

Poland is number two.

Bald Brian (155:26)

Poland, really? You wouldn't think about. You wouldn't think of Poland for that. Dominican Republic. Argentina.

Esther Povitsky (155:35)

Argentina tied. There's no separation.

Johnny Pemberton (155:37)

They couldn't figure it out.

Bald Brian (155:39)

By the way, to break that tie. Like, did they have to do that one where they like Tanya go fuck that guy. I don't even know him.

Giovanni (155:47)

We gotta break.

Bald Brian (155:48)

Do it for Argentina. Come on, we gotta break the fucking deadlock. We got a stale. We got a horse stalemate here. Brazil, Chile, Portugal and Canada. I'm making my vacation plans for next year, so I'm trying to figure this one out.

Esther Povitsky (156:03)

Canada's flirty.

Bald Brian (156:05)

I don't look at it that way. But Germany's up there. Colombia. Does raping count, by the way? Like you being a victim of rape. Does that count as flirting in Colombia? Mexico, France, Belgium, United States, Ecuador right behind Ecuador. Wow. We're getting our Ass kicked by Ecuador. Come on, ladies. Get out there and start whoring it up. Let's go. I'm gonna see us up in the. That's what. See us in the mid teens. At least by the time Indiana Jones 5 comes out. I want to be. I want to be single digits. All right, come on, ladies, let's get. Let's get a clit in. Let's hoard. Let's. Come on, break it down. Let's start. Horn it up. Let's go now. All right.

Adam Carolla (156:45)

Some interesting information about Barack Obama's childhood was released yesterday. When he was growing up in Indonesia, his nanny was a tranny.

Johnny Pemberton (156:54)

A tranny nanny.

Bald Brian (156:55)

Wow.

Adam Carolla (156:55)

A, well, openly gay transvestite nanny, but.

Bald Brian (156:58)

One of the best Dr. Seuss books ever come down the pipe.

Esther Povitsky (157:03)

Tranny. The nanny.

Bald Brian (157:04)

Yeah. Would you eat that box even if she was a fox? That chick's got no dick. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Adam Carolla (157:16)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (157:17)

I think Barack's dad was a pretty interesting piece of work, too. He had, like, eight kids with four chicks and got his, like, alcoholic. Got his legs cut. Amputated or something. Got ran over by train or something. Or something wildly fucked up about pops. Barack, too. We gotta do a little checking on that.

Johnny Pemberton (157:37)

Hit by a train.

Bald Brian (157:41)

If memory serves, he was a sort of ne' er do. Well, he did a lot of drinking. He, I think, sired eight kids from maybe three or four different ladies.

Esther Povitsky (157:55)

I like, sired.

Bald Brian (157:56)

Yeah, he's a real stallion. It sounds like a delight. Can't judge, though. That makes you racist. And he, I think, had his. I think he had his legs amputated after some sort of drunken accident. And. And then when people go, they go. Then they judge, you know, they go. And then he continued to drink. Well, at that point, first off, I'd say he made a commitment to booze. And then secondly. Oh, once the legs get amputated.

Giovanni (158:25)

Absolutely.

Bald Brian (158:26)

Bring on the booze. Yeah. What are you doing at that point? Not training for the marathon.

Esther Povitsky (158:30)

Takes less to get you drunk, too. Less blood.

Bald Brian (158:32)

That's a good point. Yeah.

Esther Povitsky (158:34)

Less to travel.

Johnny Pemberton (158:35)

You could store it down there, too.

Bald Brian (158:37)

They need my leg.

Johnny Pemberton (158:37)

Your false leg with your news compartment.

Bald Brian (158:40)

Yeah. I mean, when you're going and when can't. When Stanford's playing. Cal, you want to go in? All right, let's see. Read. Read that ball, Brian, if you can see it.

Esther Povitsky (158:49)

Senior later lost both legs in another automobile collision and subsequently lost his job. Well, that's terrible.

Bald Brian (158:55)

Yeah, I think. But probably a little bit of drunk driving involved there. That's.

Esther Povitsky (158:59)

My God. Then after that, he fathered Another son named George.

Adam Carolla (159:01)

Oh, my God.

Bald Brian (159:02)

After he lost his legs, he's determined. How many kids did he have?

Esther Povitsky (159:07)

Doesn't say.

Bald Brian (159:08)

All right, again, can't judge. Impossible to judge.

Esther Povitsky (159:13)

Oh, he has four total children.

Bald Brian (159:15)

Four kids? That's what it says. Oh, okay. Well, now I'm wrong.

Esther Povitsky (159:17)

With 1, 2, 3, 5.

Bald Brian (159:19)

Five wives.

Esther Povitsky (159:21)

Possibly four women.

Bald Brian (159:23)

Possibly four women, yeah. Awesome. Nice job.

Esther Povitsky (159:26)

With. With. With. Yeah, with four different women.

Bald Brian (159:28)

All right, so. So there it was. Four kids with four children. Checks. Can't judge. Awesome job. And he had a tranny.

Adam Carolla (159:35)

Tranny nanny.

Bald Brian (159:36)

Tranny nanny.

Johnny Pemberton (159:36)

Did Obama know that, you think? At the time. I wonder if he had any idea.

Bald Brian (159:39)

I don't think he could. I don't think he would know that.

Esther Povitsky (159:42)

Oh, sorry. Seven kids with four women. Thank you for clearing that up for us there.

Bald Brian (159:45)

Now it's all coming to focus. Seven kids, four women, and again, impossible to judge.

Adam Carolla (159:52)

And they called him the boy who runs like a duck. That was Obama. That was our president.

Esther Povitsky (159:57)

That's a mean thing to say with someone with no legs. Oh, it's so.

Bald Brian (159:59)

Oh, no, no, no, bruh. And it was a tranny, huh?

Adam Carolla (160:04)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (160:05)

Why do you. Well, first off, now, is it pre. Do we know if it's pre op or post op? Because there's. There's transsexual.

Adam Carolla (160:18)

Right.

Bald Brian (160:19)

Post op, pre op, and I think pre op. Well, now there's. There's transsexual and then there's transgender.

Esther Povitsky (160:28)

Never assume.

Bald Brian (160:29)

And in transgenders, when you get this shit, that's when you pull the goal. Yeah. That's the commitment there. I feel like transsexual. That could. That. You know, that could be a phase. Yeah.

Johnny Pemberton (160:41)

You can bounce back from that.

Bald Brian (160:43)

It'd be like if you're in the new wave romantic phase or something in high school, you dressed like Duran Duran. There'll be some pretty embarrassing pictures, but you can bounce back from that, Anderson. Yeah, but the transgender. That's. Ain't no. Ain't no coming home from that. Mm. You can't unring that bell.

Johnny Pemberton (161:03)

You can't just. Well, I guess you probably could, though. They probably have some sort of. Someone's had it done.

Bald Brian (161:07)

Well, yeah, I mean, you go back. Yeah.

Johnny Pemberton (161:10)

There's gotta be a limit, though, how many times you can just take that piece of skin and do something with it.

Bald Brian (161:15)

Yeah, you're right. I think it's four and a half. Okay.

Johnny Pemberton (161:20)

And that's the.

Bald Brian (161:21)

Yeah, it's the over under on the transgender thing. You have a last story, Esther.

Adam Carolla (161:26)

Yes. We've got the New Jersey hall of fame class of 2011. The top three, the people that are fighting for this little award is John Travolta, Bruce Willis, and Michael Douglas.

Bald Brian (161:38)

Mmm. Well, you gotta give it to Douglas because he's ill, right? Don't you?

Esther Povitsky (161:43)

Well, Travolta, who else? And Douglas.

Adam Carolla (161:47)

Travolta. Willis and Douglas.

Bald Brian (161:48)

Bruce Willis. Well, Bruce Willis and Travolta can get it anytime they like.

Johnny Pemberton (161:53)

They got plenty of time.

Bald Brian (161:54)

You got to give it to Douglas.

Esther Povitsky (161:55)

Yes, I agree.

Bald Brian (161:56)

You know what I mean? Plus, he's a legacy actor.

Esther Povitsky (161:59)

After those two, though, we had a debate early on in the film vault of who was the ultimately the more successful TV actor turned movie star. Bruce Willis. John Travolta. I chose Willis. But it was close. I mean, we can make case compellingly free of the one.

Johnny Pemberton (162:15)

I think Willis too, because he's not as crazy as John Travolta too.

Bald Brian (162:18)

I think Willis has made and I should say been a part of more interesting films. I mean, obviously Pulp Fiction's a push, although he had a bigger part in it. But after that, first off, you have to deduct 200 points for battlefield Earth right there. And I would say arguably, but Hudson Hawk, that's his. Wow. Wow. Hudson Hawk. Hudson Hawk. Bordered on. On. On a comedy, though. I mean, it was so bad.

Esther Povitsky (162:51)

Yeah, he was trying a tongue in cheek action movie.

Bald Brian (162:54)

Yeah, he was attempting to do something that just didn't really work out.

Esther Povitsky (162:57)

My criteria was that Bruce Willis has made more interesting and good movies. You know, you talk about 12 monkeys in the Sixth Sense and movies that were really taking chance. Pulp Fiction at the time, you know, taking chances. Whereas he had a lot to lose. And Travolta was really coming from nowhere at that point.

Bald Brian (163:13)

He did a lot of like two and a half or, you know, two and a half dads or whatever. The baby. Look who's talking. And he's done a lot of mainstreamy kind of stuff like that. Yeah. Okay.

Esther Povitsky (163:23)

Slightly edge for Bruce Willis.

Bald Brian (163:25)

Yeah. Not. Not a bald head for the. Is it just because he's bald?

Esther Povitsky (163:29)

That actually was the deciding factor.

Bald Brian (163:31)

All right, shall we bring it on home? Esther? Nice job, sweetie. Petey.

Adam Carolla (163:36)

Thank you. Yeah, we're gonna do a teaser.

Bald Brian (163:38)

Oh, yeah, let's do a teaser for our stitcher. Extra content.

Adam Carolla (163:41)

Yeah. I've got a story about reasons for having sex being linked to satisfaction. It's pretty interesting what we found out here.

Bald Brian (163:49)

Mm. Being linked to satisfaction.

Adam Carolla (163:52)

Well, the re, like why you have sex is determining how good it is.

Bald Brian (163:58)

Uh huh. So just being horny, not at all. You fucked my best friend and now I'm gonna fuck the vengeance fuck.

Adam Carolla (164:06)

Exactly.

Giovanni (164:07)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (164:08)

Interesting.

Johnny Pemberton (164:09)

What ranks up in the top?

Bald Brian (164:10)

Well, you can't step on it. It's a tease, baby.

Johnny Pemberton (164:13)

Okay.

Bald Brian (164:14)

Come on, Johnny. I don't have to tell you throw up and buy planes for a living. I don't have to tell you about show business.

Johnny Pemberton (164:20)

Next time I'll throw up in my shirt. So it takes me one mistake to learn it.

Bald Brian (164:24)

Mega drive MTV Thursday nights. Yes. Yeah.

Johnny Pemberton (164:28)

And you can see me in always sunny too.

Bald Brian (164:29)

10:30. Oh, always sunny in Philadelphia tonight. Yeah. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Bald Brian. Thanks for the job. As per usual, by the way, I.

Esther Povitsky (164:39)

Should say, just to complete the thought for a couple days, remember Ed Asner was doing the crazy conspiracy theory talk. One of our listeners actually emailed me a video he made of Ed Asner's crazy conspiracy theory talk matched up with scene from Up.

Bald Brian (164:52)

So I'm going to came up with that idea.

Esther Povitsky (164:54)

Oh, yeah, I hope. I couldn't do it technically, but a listener did that for us and I'm gonna. I'm gonna tweet it out later on. So follow me on Twitter on ball Bryan.

Bald Brian (165:00)

All right. And I'm guessing we can toss it on our website.

Esther Povitsky (165:04)

I'll forward it to lynch and Dawson. We'll get it up there and everyone can enjoy.

Bald Brian (165:07)

Yeah. After listening to Ed Asner explaining that Auschwitz was kind of our fault and love is our fault. And I started thinking about it. I thought. And then I think he was president of the Screen Actors Guild for a while. I thought, oh, yeah, he doesn't like this country. He hates his country. That's what I figured out. He would never admit it, but I don't think he's a big fan of Uncle Sam. All right, so until next time, this is Adam Corolla football Bryant, Esther and Johnny saying mahalo.

Giovanni (165:42)

All right, that's ADAM Corolla Show 444. That does it for this weekend's Corolla classics. Until next weekend, mahalo and get it on.

Bald Brian (165:51)

Sam.