Tracy Morgan + Brad Williams (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show - Carolla Classics Episode: Tracy Morgan & Brad Williams

Release Date: June 14, 2025
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Tracy Morgan, Brad Williams

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Overview

In this "Carolla Classics" episode of the Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla revisits memorable moments from past episodes, featuring interviews and interactions with notable guests Tracy Morgan and Brad Williams. The episode offers a blend of humor, candid storytelling, and sharp insights, hallmarks of the show’s enduring appeal.

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Segment 1: Introduction to Carolla Classics [01:04 - 03:51]

Host: Giovanni (Podcast Companion)
Content: Giovanni introduces "Carolla Classics," a companion podcast that highlights the best moments from 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. He mentions a premium version offering ad-free archives and exclusive content.

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Segment 2: Brad Williams' World Cup Experience [03:51 - 20:03]

Guests: Brad Williams, Kevin Ryder
Key Topics:

• Traveling to Brazil for the World Cup:
  Brad Williams recounts his trip to Brazil alongside Kevin Ryder from the Kevin and Bean Show. They attended four games across five cities, experiencing both the excitement of the matches and the challenges of traveling in a foreign country.

• Encounter with Muggers:
  During their stay, Brad and Kevin were mugged. Brad humorously discusses how he had prepared fake wallets and cell phones loaded with inappropriate pictures to distract the muggers, allowing him to escape unscathed.

• Cultural Observations at Brazilian Soccer Matches:
  Brad shares observations about fan stereotypes, noting how fans from different countries dress and behave at the games. He humorously contrasts American and Brazilian hookers, highlighting cultural differences and the chaos of large gatherings.

• Class Differences in Brazil:
  The conversation touches on the stark class contrasts in Brazil, illustrating the divide between affluent tourist areas and impoverished favelas. Brad describes a bus ride disrupted by a flash flood, showcasing the unpredictable nature of traveling in such environments.

• Experiences with Local Cuisine:
  Brad narrates an amusing incident at an upscale Rio restaurant, where he and Kevin were served a dish that turned out to be a hot towel. Their lack of familiarity with fine dining customs led to an awkward yet humorous experience.

Notable Quotes:

• Brad Williams [05:14]: "I had to flip a dwarf to find out who I liked better. Brad Williams or Adam Ray. I fucking love both of you guys, man."
• Brad Williams [15:34]: "The guy must have thought I was a big game hunter with my beagle's head on the wall."
• Adam Carolla [17:00]: "My wallet should come with a fake cardboard condom."

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Segment 3: Adam Carolla Interviews God [23:24 - 36:42]

Guests: David Wild, Brian Bishop, Allison Rosen
Content Summary:

• Interview with "God":
  This humorous and satirical segment features David Wild bringing his friend “God” onto the show. Adam engages in a witty and irreverent conversation with God, discussing topics ranging from the Middle East conflicts to pop culture references.

• Behind-the-Scenes Insights:
  The discussion delves into the challenges of starting and running a successful show, drawing parallels between the Adam Carolla Show and "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart. David Wild shares his experiences as a writer and head writer at "The Daily Show," highlighting the complexities of producing daily comedy content.

• Mock Promotions and Jokes:
  The segment includes playful promotions for Carbonite, where David Wild humorously endorses the product in a godly manner. The banter between Adam and God adds a layer of humor while satirizing celebrity endorsements.

• Philosophical and Absurd Humor:
  Adam and God engage in philosophical banter, touching on topics like heaven, hell, and divine intervention with a mix of dry humor and absurdity.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [33:01]: "God, I didn't come here to argue with you, but I do want to say this. God may need a little freshening up on his Mangria."
• God (David Wild) [35:01]: "At a certain point, the only rule we have in heaven is no roughhousing."

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Segment 4: Additional Carolla Classics Clips [36:24 - 157:01]

Content Overview: The latter portion of the transcript includes multiple "Carolla Classics" segments featuring different guests such as Ari Shafir, Rick Springfield, Vinnie Tortorich, and recurring interactions with Brad Williams. These clips showcase a variety of comedic skits, musical segments, and humorous takes on everyday situations.

Highlights:

• Humorous Challenges:
  Segments like "Take That Tune" where Adam and guests attempt to listen to popular songs within a time limit, often leading to comedic frustrations with auto-tuned music.

• Behind-the-Scenes Stories:
  Anecdotes about working at the Emmys, interactions with famous personalities, and reflections on Adam's experiences in the radio and podcasting industry.

• Mock Scenarios and Satire:
  Creative and humorous discussions about improbable scenarios, such as dealing with "douche men" in the studio or navigating failed voice command technology.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [57:01]: "The biggest success since 2005 or something. It makes you wonder, is he gonna go 10 years in a row or go back and forth?"
• Rick Springfield [73:05]: "He's the cousin of button candy. Yeah. Which is awful."

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Conclusion

This "Carolla Classics" episode encapsulates the essence of the Adam Carolla Show—blending sharp humor, candid conversations, and memorable guest interactions. Through Brad Williams' entertaining recounting of his World Cup adventures and the tongue-in-cheek interview with "God," listeners are treated to the diverse range of content that has made the show a staple in the podcasting world.

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Note: The transcript provided includes multiple "Carolla Classics" segments. This summary focuses primarily on the highlighted interaction with Brad Williams and Tracy Morgan, along with a significant segment featuring a satirical interview with "God." For a comprehensive experience, listeners are encouraged to explore the full episode.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Cruella Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fan selecting clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics with ad free archives exclusively available through Podcast One Premium. With Podcast One Premium you get exclusive access to the entire Premium network, commercial free listening, full library archives, exclusive bonus content and 3 months free with an annual membership. You can also find ad free archives for The Adam and Dr. Drew show, the Adam Carolla show as well as exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out with Adam Carolla via Adam Carolla's [e-mail] Make sure to check out and subscribe and if you'd like to request the clip, Please email us classicsdamcola.com alright, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carolla Show 24:43 we have Wheeler Walker Jr in studio along with Joe Coy, Gina Grant and Brian Bishop. This portion is just Wheeler live performance from October of 2018.

[Adam Carolla]

So the song I'm gonna play you is called Fuck youk With the Lights on, which is, you know, again, my version of a love song. Because you know when you love someone, you want to see it going in. We good take it away girl there's something different about you Makes me want to try something brand new so let's get you back to my place we ain't got no time to was I wanna put a big smile on your face Wanna fuck you with the lights on Wanna do it all night long Wanna see them old titties flappin Flip that switch baby make it happen Come on honey do we have a deal? I'll split your legs in the electric mill Gonna write you a love love love love song if I Can fuck you with the lights on well, F, your tight pussy needs to be seen so let me fuck you with the lights on I wanna do it all night alone Wanna see that ass clappin' Flip that switch, baby, make it happen Come on, honey, do we have a deal? I'll split your legs in the electric bill Gonna write you a love, love, love, love song if I can fuck you. You gotta be asked to do a lot of weddings and quince anniversaries. Yeah, I do. I just. I turned down, you know, now that I just got off tour with Kid Rock. So once you do that, it's kind of no going back to the weddings and really.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Curl Show 2443. Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll Show 1298, featuring Tracy Morgan, Joe Coy, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop.

[Adam Carolla]

In 2014, one of our favorites, Brad Williams in studio about last night, co hosted with Adam Reyes. Boy, I gotta tell you, I had to flip a dwarf and find out who I liked better. Brad Williams. Adam Ray. I fucking love both of you guys, man.

[Brad Williams]

Well, I mean, we. We. And we get along together, and I think that's what makes the podcast work so well. But thank you for being so supportive and always having us on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's available on itunes, and what else can I say? It's peanut butter and chocolate. How can you go wrong with these two?

[Brad Williams]

Now, Brad, Jew and midget is usually a great combo. It's right after peanut butter and chocolate. If a cannibal could have a Jew midget sandwich, they would totally be about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Or mouth to God's ears. So you just got back from Brazil yesterday?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you went there for the World Cup?

[Brad Williams]

I was there with your friend and mine, Kevin Rider of the Kevin and Bean Show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

We went out there together, saw four games, went to five cities, got mugged. It was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

You got mugged?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, but I was warned that I was gonna get mugged.

[Adam Carolla]

By the mugger?

[Brad Williams]

No, I was warned by the Brazilian consulate. When I went to get my papers and all that, they said, just so you know, you should have a fake wallet and a fake cell phone on you for when you get mugged. Not if you get mugged. When you get mugged, you can throw.

[Adam Carolla]

It like throwing a tennis ball for a dog, and they'll go chasing after it, and then you can make your escape. By the way, can I say this? When the consulate, you know, whatever piece of shit country you guys are listening in right now, when your own people have to give People a laundry list of shit not to do in your country. Like hey, don't drink any of the water, right? Certainly don't go out after the street lights come on. If you do definitely stay in a crowd. When that list gets about as long as Ron Jeremy's cock. Maybe it's time for you to stop and re examine your country just a little bit. When you're giving lots of. You know what I mean? It's like when somebody's staying in your house and you're like, listen, don't try the hot water in the entry bathroom because that. And you gotta jiggle the fucking can the commode because the toilet over.

[Brad Williams]

Don't go out after 5pm or before.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, if you're gonna shit, you gotta wipe your ass with just a handful of goose down. Don't try toilet paper because that's gonna clog up the. When that list takes 15 minutes for you to deliver. Maybe it's time for you to go around the house and take a good look about fixing the place up just a little bit. That's all I'm saying.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, but I'm glad they gave me the advice because it happened.

[Adam Carolla]

So what happened? So you and Kevin of Kevin and Bean are out there. How did that marriage begin?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, of me and Kevin?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean Kevin is an interesting guy in that he likes to go out, he likes to explore, he likes it just sort of set out and do all that kind of stuff.

[Brad Williams]

He certainly did. Well, my brother in law is on the board of Kevin's charity, the Friends and Helpers charity. And so. And we're all soccer fans and we just sort of got all talking and we. This is two years ago that we decided to do this and we. And we did it and yeah, it was a blast. It was a blast to go with my friends and see and see another country and see, it really makes you appreciate American hookers too. It really does. Because I mean now there must have.

[Adam Carolla]

Been piles, piles of hookers. Like they're bringing them in on pallets and forklifts. Right.

[Brad Williams]

I don't know what the name is for a group of hookers. Is it like a murder of hookers?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know, it could be a pod.

[Brad Williams]

Could be a pod of hookers. Gaggle, a swab, maybe that a cunt of hookers. I like that one and you know it. Buy American people. That's what I'm trying to say because you go out to the other countries and in, in the end these hookers are on Copacabana beach in Rio de Janeiro. And they're standing right next to the Brazilian supermodel with the huge ass and the big titties in the thong bikini. And they're right next to that going, hey, hook me up. Why don't you want to sleep with this? Like, because you're standing next to a supermod. Like.

[Adam Carolla]

But how do you. It's weird.

[Brad Williams]

You're not gonna choose the hooker. You're not gonna choose the rump steak when the filet mignon is right there.

[Adam Carolla]

But how do you. Well, first off, you may not get into that dining car where the filet mignon is being kept. I mean, that could be Leonardo DiCaprio's plate that he queued up so.

[Brad Williams]

Damn height requirement.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying there's no guarantees. The rump steak, at least you know, you're getting sustenance. That's true. You know, you're going to bed with a full belly. Jizz. But a full belly. But either way, no guarantees with the models. But also, it strikes me, when you're in Brazil and everyone is wearing a thong back, you know, the fucking surgeon general's wearing a thong back walking down the street. How do you. And everyone's wearing wedgie, you know, stripper wedgies. How the fuck do you figure out who the hookers are in Brazil? Isn't everyone? I mean, how do you differentiate that?

[Brad Williams]

It's pretty much the ugly ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, they're. They're. They're the hookers. If they're. If they're on Copacabanda beach and they. And they come up to you. Because I imagine that the hookers in Vegas probably had this same problem where, like, now it's kind of the point where you go to Vegas at night and you can't tell, right? Everyone's slutting it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's like. It's like. It used to be easy if you wanted to back in the day. Like, you're shooting a bad, you know, episode of Beretta. You needed a biker gang. Well, just find me a guy with a tattoo and a beard. Find me. But all you need was a guy. Find me a white guy with a tattoo. He's a biker for sure. He's got a beard now. Every fucking pussy's got a tattoo and a beard and whatever. Every hipster. Like, we've all just become one thing.

[Brad Williams]

How pissed off are actual sluts on Halloween, right? Like, everyone's dressing up and they. And they got a black bra on, and they're saying, oh, I'm a slutty nun. It's like, come on, that's my territory. Supposed to be the whore.

[Adam Carolla]

So what's up? What? So they come up to you. Is in their ugly. Yeah. And what do they say?

[Brad Williams]

They mean? I. We must. They must have known that we were Americans just walking around. Like, we must just have that American vibe. I don't know what the American vibe is, but we must just be sweating it out because they would. They would come up and just start saying, you know, hey, 200 for a good night, 150 for a good night. And I don't know. And I would look at these hookers, and in my head I'm going, I would pay 200 not to. Like, that's a good night to me. Like if. Like, I'm 30 and if you. My idea of a good night is going home, see, you know, watching a movie on Netflix and beating off and going to bed. Yeah, That's a great night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, also, as I've said, you know, the car wash charges extra for vans. I feel like you should get a break. Like, if. Well, I'm just saying it's 150 bucks for Brad Williams and Ralphie May. You know what I mean? Come on. Come on now. The car wash got it right.

[Brad Williams]

Well done.

[Adam Carolla]

Miata's cheaper than the van.

[Brad Williams]

Darn right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I. I would offer a discount.

[Brad Williams]

That'S going into the. That's going into your next book.

[Adam Carolla]

A non group discount.

[Brad Williams]

Yes. Yeah. This the.

[Adam Carolla]

The same.

[Brad Williams]

The same one. You charge more. The same way you would charge more for a gang bang if a midget's plowing you. And I use the word plow very generously. Yeah. We should absolutely get.

[Adam Carolla]

I would give you a break. I would.

[Brad Williams]

Us and Asians.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Brad Williams]

It's not gonna hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

I would give you a break.

[Brad Williams]

It's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

So there you are on the beach, a lot of hookers. Now, how do you get rolled?

[Brad Williams]

Is that slang for mugged?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Okay. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam is very street. I watch Beretta. I understand. I know street talk. Rooster told me he's saying rolled.

[Brad Williams]

I'm like, I didn't take any ecstasy while I was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Rolled. That's what they do to you on the street when they take your watch.

[Brad Williams]

Well, you would know, being from North Hollyw High and all that, that that was coming home from a game in Manaus. And Manaus is a city that's right on the equator. So you're. You're. It's. It's pretty much a Ghetto that they decided to have this soccer games in, and they built the stadium from nothing, that they couldn't even drive the parts there. They had to fly the parts of the stadium in and then have them come down the Amazon river. So it's really just a jungle that they decide to have a game.

[Adam Carolla]

How many stadiums? And by the way, my theory a few weeks back was the closer you are to the equator, the less shit you build.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, the less durable goods come out of your country because it's hot and you have no beach and you're fine. Nobody on the equator builds a fine automobile. Right. It just doesn't exist. Yeah, I don't know that the equator or anywhere near the equator produces a fine automobile.

[Brad Williams]

I think they go for the same philosophy with the hookers as well. Like, the closest you get towards the.

[Adam Carolla]

Equator, I don't think you get a good washer dryer set out any place near the equator. Or refrigerator with a slide out freezer in the bottom drawer.

[Gina Grad]

A good parade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you get parades in hookahs.

[Brad Williams]

But then you have the other line where you go so far away from the equator that it starts going in the other direction.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the sweet spot you need the.

[Brad Williams]

Sweet spot of right in Michigan.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just cold enough to make some good cars.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But not so hot that we want to go out and sun our asses on the beach.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly. All right, so we're. So we're coming home from this game, and this guy, we're trying to wait for a cab, and this guy comes up and he must have seen me and thought like, well, it's like the gazelle with the limp, you know? I mean, like that. That's the one that I can get.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brad Williams]

Now, I don't know if he thought that I was gonna have a lot of money. Yeah, exactly. Like you're. Like you're going big game hunting. You know what I mean? Like, go out there, if you have a beagle's head on your wall and saying, yeah, shot that beagle dog from 100 yards. That's not very impressive.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know. There's a part where it's like, oh, they hit the old lady and took her purse away. And you go, well, that's not very noble. But they've given up dignity. They're criminals, you know, Maybe they just want the easiest purse to grab. And if Brock Lesnar was standing there, they'd be like, man, we'll find an easier wallet to get than Brock's.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So are you there with Kevin Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I'm there with Kevin.

[Adam Carolla]

Kevin's a decent, decent sized guy.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. But they've gotten. They went on ahead to try to get a cab. So I'm like, kind of left by myself and I'm sort of wandering up and this guy just sort of wrapped his arm around me like he was my buddy. And then he kind of whispers in my ear, and he kind of puts the gun up next to my rib cage and he just goes, hey, you know, give me your wallet, give me your phone. And thankfully, I had the fakes on me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did get the bags?

[Brad Williams]

Yes. Oh, I got them. I had them ready. And I'm almost like that guy that's like, been. Been taking Brazilian jiu jitsu for like 30 years, and I'm just now getting into a fight. It's like I've been waiting for this moment. I was smiling as I got mugged because I knew I had the answer.

[Adam Carolla]

What is a cell phone worth on the brown market? Whatever they got over there?

[Brad Williams]

Brown market?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the sort of caramel colored tan market over there. I mean, I just feel like, okay, if you have a brand new iPhone, that's. That's fine. But yeah, short of that. Is there that much? I don't know.

[Brad Williams]

But he wanted it, so I gave him my phone. And at the same time, I'm laughing because before I left, as soon as I knew that I was gonna have this fake wallet and the fake cell phone, I turned on this fake cell phone and I loaded it up with cock pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's great.

[Brad Williams]

All my cock. So he has nothing but cell phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Cockpits and does, like, the wallet have the cardboard fake credit cards that come with a wallet?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, it had that. It had, like, pictures of the family that obviously wasn't mine. Like, they're black and stuff. Like, what.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this for those who are listening, who produce wallets for a living? We don't need the fake cardboard credit cards in there to purchase the wallet. That's what goes. Yeah, what do I do, put a toaster oven in this goddamn thing? Like, what goes in this? I've never. You've never seen me trying to climb one of those slots or go, jesus, what do I put road flares in here? Like, we get it, the credit card goes in there. We'll do that math. Thank you very much.

[Brad Williams]

I'll occasionally try to stuff a condom in there, but that math gets done very quickly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, My wallet should come with the fake cardboard condom. So it should. You pull the wallet out?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he want to look inside the wallet?

[Brad Williams]

No, they're getting in, they're getting out. They don't want to get discovered because there was a large military presence there and a large police presence. They obviously did their job with me, so I just. I just gave them the fakes. And. And then he ran off, and I'm just giddy, and someone, like, walks up to me and is like, what happened? You were just mugged? I'm like, but he's got the fake.

[Adam Carolla]

He's gonna see dwarf cock pictures.

[Brad Williams]

And you're trying to explain that, like, in Portuguese. It was really weird.

[Adam Carolla]

What, the fake phone is actually a fake phone or just a cheap phone.

[Brad Williams]

That'S not your phone. It's a phone that I've had for four years. Just, like, when I got my new phone, I just kept this one in. So they don't actually make fake phones for this? No. So if you should. Yeah, if you have an old phone or. I mean, you can go to, like, a cricket or something like that and get a phone for, like, 20 bucks or something.

[Adam Carolla]

So fake phone, fake wallet. And then how many different stadiums did you go to?

[Brad Williams]

We went to four different stadiums. We went to Manaus, Recife, Belo Horizonte, and Rio.

[Adam Carolla]

And what was the biggest, most. What was the most raucous crowd you went to by far?

[Brad Williams]

We saw Brazil play Chile in a knockout game in Belo Horizonte. Sold out. And Brazil fans watching Brazil is most unreal experience. I saw so many grown men crying.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brad Williams]

Like, just like, when. And not even when something like, not even when the end result would happen. Like, if a guy would miss a pass, they would just wail like. Like a heavyset woman of color at a funeral. Just. No. And then just start crying. And like, my team. My team. It was not what I.

[Adam Carolla]

You know. Oh.

[Brad Williams]

And the best part.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Is that everyone comes to these games dressed as the stereotype of. Of their country, which I love. Because everyone says, you know, stereotypes are wrong. Don't do it, don't judge, whatever. Like, you go to a game with Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brad Williams]

Like, you go to games, would see Germany, everyone's in leader hose in. Mexicans have the bandolero and. And the sombrero on. Japan fans come dressed as a car accident. It's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

And they clean up after themselves. At least the Japanese do. They did. And that sounds. Besides the mugging. And even the mugging was a nice mugging Sounds pretty fucking magical. It was. How many days were you there for?

[Brad Williams]

We were there 10 days.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you have extended your stay if the US had gotten knocked down.

[Brad Williams]

Kevin from Kevin and Bean show and my brother in law actually did. I had gigs to do. I went home and they stayed an extra day and watched USA get kicked out by Belgium.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. What just. And so your thoughts on the country overall?

[Brad Williams]

The country? Brazil.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I mean, you definitely saw the poverty lines in terms of the people in the favelas and the city structure. Like, we were on a bus coming back from one of the games and they had a flash flood and we had to stop and just we couldn't move for three hours. We were stuck. We were stuck on the bus for three hours because they had a flash flood. We're seeing cars floating by and people, like, starting to do makeshift boats. And this happened in a matter of minutes because of being in the Amazon and everything. So, like, the nice parts of Brazil are very nice. The hotels and where the tourists go was great. Copacabana beach in Rio is unbelievable. The Christ statue and all that, it's great. But there's definitely dramatic class differences. Like, you make one turn and then it's just. It's not pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it sounds like a really fun and interesting trip. I've hit the road with Kevin a couple times myself, and he's an easy guy to travel with.

[Brad Williams]

He is. He's great. He got absolutely wasted one night and that was.

[Adam Carolla]

I find it super boring to eat with. He's like, literally, like, to be like, is there kfc? And I'm like, come on, we're in Seattle. Let's go down to the fish market and go, there's no kfc. Like, he's that kind of. That kind of eater.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. I mean, he was happy with, like, we, like, we were like, oh, we got to get some food. One time before going to an airport, he's like, nah, they got food in the airport. And then we go to the airport and they literally just had cheese sandwiches and not the nice. And this is in a restaurant in the airport. So we're like, oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's part of me that kind of appreciates it, but when you're traveling, the food is half the. Half the allure. And sampling the local cuisine and everything, and the guys looking for the KFC always drives me nuts.

[Brad Williams]

To his credit, he ponied up one night and we went to this restaurant in Rio that was a seven course meal that was like. And we walk in and there's a guy putting whipped cream inside liquid nitrogen to like, make that dessert.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

It was so good. And we're seeing this really expensive Stuff all around. We're like, this is gonna be amazing. And so we sit down for the meal, and they first bring out this tiny plate that has a small white disc on it. And we're like, okay, well, this is cool. And then they come with water, and they pour it on the disc. And then the disc grows. It just grows right there. Like, oh, that's fucking sweet. And we're all looking like, this is gonna be great. And I grab it and I pop it in my mouth. They're like, what's it taste like? I go, well, it tastes like a hot towel, because that's what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we.

[Brad Williams]

We're so uncultured that we had the hot towel, and we were just so anxious. And, yes, they were laughing at me, but they were all about to do the same thing, so we couldn't really laugh at me. So I'm just chewing on hot towels.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I.

[Giovanni]

All right, those. Adam Cruller Show 1298. Coming up next, we have Adam Crawl Show 1173. This portion of the episode features the Tweet of God. Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. 2013 Adam interviews God.

[Adam Carolla]

David Wild. Good to see you, my friend.

[Brian Bishop]

Good to see you, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison Rosen. Good to see you. Hello.

[Brad Williams]

Adam Crowley, Bald.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian. I absolutely love to suck cock.

[Gina Grad]

Many people, including Francisco Murphy on Twitter wanted to hear that. Hashtag topdrop.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, who was that? Oh, that was. I absolutely love to suck cock. No. Oh, sorry. I absolutely love to suck cock. You're way off. Another wrestler from the 80s. Sorry, David Jabberbaum is here. He has brought his friend God. Good to see you, David.

[David Wild]

Good to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

The Tweet of God is the name of the Twitter that's taking over the Nation, baby. Over 1 million followers. The book, the Last A Memoir by God and David. Now, David, did you work with David on the gram. The Emmys?

[David Wild]

Yeah, I worked with David Wild on the Emmys this weekend, and we got to talking. I told him I was working or had worked with God on his last book. Just doing some punch up on the jokes, and David found that interesting, and he thought maybe you'd find it interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

I figured I've dropped big names, but if I could get not only dj who is in his own right, one of the funniest, greatest writers in America of. He's won 5,000 Emmys. Is that the current total?

[David Wild]

I've done okay?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he's done okay, and he is, you know, but I figured if I could name drop and bring God into the show, you know, sure, there would Be two guys who think they're God in this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll bring him up in a second. And dj, Can I call you dj?

[David Wild]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Brag a little about yourself to our. To our listeners. Accomplishments, shows you've worked on, things like.

[David Wild]

I probably best know. I spent 11 years at the Daily show with Jon Stewart. I was a writer, and then I became a head writer. Then I became ep. And I was there. I got there shortly after John got there. And I was there for, you know, the whole run, which, being inside the bubble, we didn't really know much about. We were just too busy making the show. But we were very successful and it was a great time. And John is an amazing boss.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it true? Did they win 10 years in a row?

[David Wild]

They won 10 years in a row in the category of best variety show until this weekend when sort of the Next Generation Colbert won.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now, it makes you wonder, is he gonna go 10 years in a row or go back and forth?

[David Wild]

Entirely possible. It's a shame. I mean, there's so, like, every. That category is so stacked. Like, every show is really, genuinely, really good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's crazy that they do so many. They do daily shows, but they just submit one episode, which I always sort of forget about, which in a way isn't fair.

[David Wild]

That's true for all the categories. They always have to submit one at, like, best directing, you know, when really it's sort of a general feeling of the entire season what it should be. That was always a dilemma for us. What show do we submit? Because there's no one show representative of the entire year.

[Adam Carolla]

How was. Yeah, I mean, obviously you can pick what you think is your strongest and put your best foot forward, but it's really the fact that you're churning out that kind of comedy on a, pardon the pun, daily basis, that's the tall order. You know, that's the part that makes Saturday Night Live tough, is that you're doing sketch comedy every single week versus when you go to Groundlings. You put a show together every six months or Second City or something like that, and you work these sketches and you find moments and you sort of treat it like a gin rummy hand. You toss out the stuff you don't need, you keep the stuff that's working, and after about six months, these things really start to take shape. But if you just did it once, threw it out, did it once, threw it out again, sort of like having sex with the same drunk person just once and then moving on to another drunk person, how good would it Ever. Really? How would your chemistry and your flow, I mean, it'd be awesome. It'd be an awesome. Wait a minute. You know what? That's a horrible example. It'd be the fucking greatest life ever. New drunk chick every single weekend. No, but the.

[Gina Grad]

You're drunk too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm drunk. Yeah. I'm more. I just fucking booted in. Her point is this. You just would never be as good as you would be if you had a couple of reps, like new quarterback with a new receiving core or something like that. That's what I mean.

[David Wild]

Exactly. It's an ongoing thing. It was like, you know, it's an assembly line. But the quality of the show is a tribute to the quality of the process of making the show. And that really evolved over time. And John was instrumental in sort of shaping the day so that, you know, it's at this point, it's a very well oiled machine. John Oliver stepped in for the summer and that demonstrates the show is still fantastic with a different host because of the machinery of the show that John has really helped shape behind the scenes for the last over a decade.

[Adam Carolla]

The hardest part is starting a show. And it's the part that's most scrutinized. And it's the part where it's like you're setting up a factory and you got your loading dock and your shipping and your receiving and your conveyor belt. But everyone's trying to kind of figure out, where do we put the pallet jacks, where do we put the merchandise, where do we put the conveyor belt, where should the UPS truck pull up? And it takes a good two years to get everything lined up. But it's during that first month when all the network cunts and assholes are standing around just tapping their toes with their arms folded, going, what's going on? My package didn't arrive. And you're like, it's the last thing you need. Really, what you need at that point is everyone just to clear out and let you get your factory up and running.

[David Wild]

I can speak to that. I'm doing that right now. I'm starting a new show. It's going to launch in a month on a new network called Fusion. And I can't discuss it too much, but I can tell you that literally today I spent half an hour pondering the board where you put the index cards of material and just saying, I think I want a tape line there and a tape line there. And we'll divide those in like, just thinking about, like how I wanted the Board to look. And that's like, you know, it's so important psychologically, yet so superficially stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

But no, nobody understands that in season four, season 10, when you have all your bits, it becomes about filling out the board, but you're filling it out with stuff that you know or that you've done. Yeah, it's like a morning radio show. You have your blah, blah blogs and your baldy woods.

[Gina Grad]

The great, great, great bits. The legendary show.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a franchise. Bits, Right.

[Gina Grad]

The ones you submit for awards.

[Adam Carolla]

When you just start the first week, it's like, I don't know. What do you want to do? I don't know. So you guys work? Just got back from the Emmys, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it didn't take us four days to get back.

[David Wild]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd it go? How'd it feel? How was it backstage? What was the vibe? What was going on?

[David Wild]

I think it was really fun. I mean, it's. I was, you know, just. Just hanging out with other comedy writers and shooting the shit as. As we want to do is just, you know, I like. I love that.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam knows it well.

[Brad Williams]

You.

[Brian Bishop]

In fact, you did Emmys last year, right, with Jimmy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I didn't do anything. I just. I just sat in the writer's tent or whatever. There's a sort of a little. The hang duvetyne in a box, and you have a monitor, and you just stand there and see how the bits went. And then you try to write little in between jokes, but they never use them, and so you end up really doing nothing. I did it once. This is how I knew Dick Clark was losing it, which is I was standing in that same little duvetyne tent. Good name for asv, by the way. And I was. You're just sitting there watching the monitors, like, right off stage. You got to be as close to stage as possible, because that's kind of where the talent or the person that's hosting the show, that's where they stage up, so to speak. They wait there, then they go back on, and you go, oh, say this or do that. And I was just standing there in the tent, in the duvetyne tent. I think Jimmy was hosting the, I don't know, American music awards or one of those. And Dick Clark just threw the tent curtains open, and he looked at me and he said, jimmy, get out there. I was wearing, like, you know, flip flops, and I was like, I'll go out there, but I'm not Jimmy. And that's when I knew maybe the man had lost. Lost his fastball at that point.

[David Wild]

He's hosting in Heaven now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's right. He's doing a wonderful job hosting in Heaven, and he'll be missed by immediate family. All right, David. Also, David Watt. So, yeah, I thought the Emmys were good. My question a little bit, if I could critique it a little bit. Everyone else has what I was saying, and I haven't read any reviews. I haven't heard anything about how it.

[Brian Bishop]

Won, but 35% up. That's the bottom line.

[Adam Carolla]

The ratings. Huge, huge ratings.

[Brian Bishop]

Biggest success since 19, 2005 or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Up 35% from last year. Yes. Oh, shit. I mean, good for you. But, you know, Jimmy. Thinking about Jimmy, I thought the opening was going to be some big, splashy number, and that's kind of what I was looking forward to. I didn't get that. I thought the beginning was funny, but I wanted Billy Crystal on a horse.

[David Wild]

Neil deliberately decided not to do that because he had done that at the Tonys this year, which are not nearly as well watched as the Emmys, obviously. But he did this incredible, huge, spectacular opening number, and he had decided that, like, he thought it'd be too predictable to do that at the top of the show. Too predictable and also too maybe redundant. So he wants to take it a different direction.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, I don't want to give them what they want twice.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he gave it to him in the middle of the show with a song, a brilliant song called.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a funny song.

[Brian Bishop]

The number in the middle of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I agree. I also, just because it's the way I'm wired is I secretly just think he's being lazy. All right, now we're told you know God well and you brought him in personally. Is that true, David? Dj, Should I say yes.

[David Wild]

I am the Lord thy God, king of the universe. Great to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to have you guys. Sorry about the whole atheist thing, but, you know, I'm back. Should the reverb be on my mic as well?

[Brad Williams]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, maybe.

[David Wild]

Listen, is this a mirth to you? This is not a mirth.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. This is not mirthful at all. I thought there'd be much more mirth involved. This is minus mirth, but I appreciate you swinging by the studio. Good to see you. Jesus Christ. Always pleasure for guys millions of years old. You really. Thanks.

[David Wild]

Always a pleasure. First, long time. First time.

[Adam Carolla]

You and Madonna. You don't age, man.

[David Wild]

I gotta tell you right now, I just turned infinity.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I'd love to see that fucking cake.

[David Wild]

A lot of candles.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. You have to whip up just a gale force winds to put that baby out, huh?

[David Wild]

That's when the omnipotence really comes in handy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I think this is a good promotional opportunity for you that. I believe God just had some Mangria for the first time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[David Wild]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think?

[David Wild]

I think I created man, but Adam Carolla created Mangria.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. I like it. Yeah.

[David Wild]

Mangria, yum.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I've always called it nectar of the God. Not gods. Just the God. The one God. You. I. You, who I had in mind, Adam.

[David Wild]

I see everything. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. Oh, wow. Wow. You allowed to use that kind of language again?

[David Wild]

God.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right, right, right. It's passed. You could do. You're kind of. You're almost like. Like Frank Sinatra.

[David Wild]

I don't have that big an ego, but I'm. Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on in the Middle East?

[David Wild]

Crazy, isn't it? Crazy, crazy stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know, I know. What do you think? Should we go? Should we fire up the drones?

[David Wild]

You know, if I could do it again, Adam, I wouldn't have a Middle East. I have a Europe. And there'd be an Asia and an Africa and then some sort of big vortex.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why that weird dog run in the middle there?

[David Wild]

I don't. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's. I mean, obviously hindsight, you know, God's sight 2020.

[David Wild]

But if you walk around the Middle east and you walk around the sand, you see why everybody wants it. It's just so beautiful. All those endless dunes and the lovely heat. It's a great place to be.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I agree. It's really like the world's worst golf course if you think about it. But the. So the drones, in a weird way, that's a little hellfire from above. Do you know what I mean? Do you feel like, in a way you're kind of being ripped off by those predator drones? I mean, that's kind of your job to hover around. Up top and take care of the evil doings, Adam.

[David Wild]

Sodom and Gomorrah, you'll recall the fire, the brimstone out of nowhere, raining down from the sky. I think it's a copyright infringement. I'm glad you agree. I feel like it's very similar. What am I going to do? I'm just one God.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. And I feel like all the good attorneys are in hell, so you're never going to get any kind of representation.

[David Wild]

All good attorneys are also my chosen people, so I'm in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. So Middle East. What should we do? Should we get in there and send the Marines in and let you sort them out? I never really thought about that.

[David Wild]

Without giving too much away, I would just say let it ride for another eight months, two weeks, three days, 22 hours and 12 minutes, and then. Then all will be revealed.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you mean something big's coming again.

[David Wild]

No spoilers, but something.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Interesting. Hmm. Oh.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Couple of questions. Why did everyone love that fucking movie drive so much? I think it was such a piece of shit. Again, I don't. I don't want to use profanity in.

[David Wild]

Front of you, but obviously I'm omniscience. But remind me.

[Adam Carolla]

Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling.

[David Wild]

Oh, yes. Bad career move for Ryan. Love Ryan, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

He's one of my 40 minutes of him fumbling around with a toothpick and not saying anything and pouting.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[David Wild]

But while we're on the subject, if you're going to remake the Getaway, which I know you're a big fan of cars, I mean, what a. What a horrendous piece of excrement.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Wild]

Remake was.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I concur. I'm just saying, you know, the thing was sitting at about 90, 95 with the top critics over at Rotten Tomatoes. It's again, it just seems like the work of the drive.

[David Wild]

Drive was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, that was my reaction. It was. I don't know if it's come down to earth, pardon the pun a little bit.

[Brian Bishop]

What? Some of your other big questions. Like John Mayer.

[David Wild]

No, that's about a big question as you can get.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, the drive's pretty big, but, yeah. John Mayer douchebag or not, these are some of the first questions I was going to get into with you.

[David Wild]

No, I'm glad you went to the big stuff right away.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Wild]

John Mayer douchebag. Or not. Long answer. No person can be reduced to one label. I made all human beings to be very complex creatures that have many layers of interdependent traits. Short answer. Yes, totally.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right, good. I knew it. I knew it.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's the way I always felt.

[David Wild]

What are you whining about? You know, you have Katy Perry, you have every trick in the world, and you're still writing these songs about how miserable your life is. Grow up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, No, I agree. But listen, God, I didn't come here to argue with you, but I do want to say this. God May need a little freshening up on his Mangria.

[David Wild]

Yeah. Again, loving the Mangria. And I know you're here to promote me, but I just have to do you a solid and tell you this is some excellent, excellent liquor.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, again, I don't feel like maybe other than like, I don't know, LeBron James. I don't feel like I could get a better endorsement for this product. And again, nothing against you, but he's the guy who's universally love. There's always a little dispute with you. You know what I mean?

[Brad Williams]

Polarized.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you turn water into Mangria?

[Adam Carolla]

That would be awesome. You know what kind of cost you could save me if you could just turn tap water into Mangria?

[David Wild]

You're thinking about Junior. I don't do that kind of stuff. I prefer working in mysterious ways. And that's. That's only even when I bother to work at all, which is often these days. Not as much as I used to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What is your schedule?

[David Wild]

I like to wake up around 9, 9:30. Usually try to take in at 18. A quick 18. I love golf. Taking up golf lately, and one of my favorite things in the world is just when you're on the course and you just, you know, you have a lot of bad shots, you have a lot of bad moments on a golf course. But when you're on the course and you just. You. You just send that perfect lightning bolt down to strike the golfer ahead of you and kill him. Just that one moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Wild]

Makes the whole thing worthwhile, you know, it's just that one moment. You forget about all the bad stuff, the bad shots. You just remember the smell of the burning flesh, the man. It's just wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you ever have a situation where you're, like, out there with Abe Lincoln and Anne Frank or somebody like that.

[David Wild]

You'Re making some assumptions about Abe Lincoln.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, whoa. Wow. No, really, Anne Frank.

[David Wild]

I'm just. I'm not saying you're wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying I'm making up.

[David Wild]

Don't presume to know what's going to happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, no. Understood. Understood. But I'm just saying you're. Let's say you're just out there with somebody. Sure. Is there ever a situation where you guys get back into the cart? I don't know if, in fact, you use a cart to get around when you play golf and have it, but you get back in the cart and you're marking down a five, and, you know, Abe leans over and goes. Five. I said that? Well, first off. It was a three putt and it took you a three to get onto the green. Does anyone ever question you that way?

[David Wild]

Well, Abe does. He's called Honest Abe. And he is very honest about that kind of thing. I do get questions sometimes and I laugh it off the first time and then the second time and then the third time I have to actually send them to hell. At least temporarily.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, because I didn't know about that. You can. I mean, what I'm saying is. Can you change your mind?

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Does the St. Peter's gate swing both ways? I don't mean that in a sexual way.

[David Wild]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean. I don't sound like I was talking about St. Peter proclivities.

[David Wild]

By the way, St. Peter's a great. He's the best doorman you could possibly have. He's just really good. I make sure I tip him very generously.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I'm just saying, can you. I never really thought about this, but can you get into heaven? Like, you know, they say like, look, alright, look, you're a 12 year old kid. You're riding around on your Schwinn, you get clipped by a gardening truck or something, you're going to heaven. You wouldn't go to hell at that point. You've not done anything wrong. Now you go up to heaven and puberty kicks in, turns out your little snot nose shit. You run around, you know, smashing mailboxes with a baseball bat, getting into trouble, TPing God's house or something like that. And then, you know, hit the hatch.

[David Wild]

At a certain point, the only rule we have in heaven is no roughhousing. That's the only rule we have. And it's a vague rule because I want some leeway to make a subjective decision.

[Adam Carolla]

So is there a lot of take it outside?

[David Wild]

Yes. Although, substitute hell for outside.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Take it to hell.

[David Wild]

You get a sense of what's going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. I like the horseplay too. Oh, by the way, I gotta say, I was driving around and I passed a house in my neighborhood that had been TP'd. And my wife. Yesterday.

[Gina Grad]

Today.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And my wife said. My wife said. Oh, that's sad. I said, sad? I think it's kind of cool. And she said. Said what? I said, it's quaint.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like now everyone is, you know, everyone is just like, I don't know, smearing feces on front doors or they're taking videos of people twerking and throwing them up and writing horrible things about them. The TPing it seems very Back to the Future to me.

[Gina Grad]

It's delightfully harmless.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Wild]

Okay. This is good to know, because as a solid to you, I was going to smite them and send them to hell.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[David Wild]

If you're cool with them, then. Then I'll just. I'll. Yeah, I'll let. I'll let the boys know.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam, you're far too humble to make note of this, but when I met God with David at the Emmys, because God is at all award shows because he's thanked so often, which is.

[David Wild]

But it's hard because they don't like me in Hollywood, and they really don't like me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Never thought about that.

[David Wild]

No, it's hard. It's hard. And you think with half the people being, you know, my people, you'd think I would be able to get into these things, but it's not easy in.

[Adam Carolla]

Hollywood, I feel, ironically, you probably get thanked the most at the BET Awards, right?

[David Wild]

I do. The Grammys. The Grammys are where I really get a lot of thanks. People give me shout outs, and I. I always think, if I were at the Grammys, if I wanted a Grammy, I would thank Kanye.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. But I feel like the. What is the Independent Spirit Awards, that's proudly. That's where you don't get. You don't. Not a lot of tips of the cap at the Spirit Awards.

[David Wild]

No. A lot of tips of the cap to win. Friggin Wenders.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But not you. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But the big thing at the Emmys, backstage when I met God, he said. First thing he said was, Adam Carolla, big fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

I think a lot of people have wondered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't. You don't have to wait for the reckoning. We know now that God explains a lot. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew it.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew I was special.

[David Wild]

Big, big fan. I go back with you to the man show. Wow. I had the. As you know, I had the original man show. Just one man.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. Man. Right.

[David Wild]

But I know how hard it can be. So I. I think. I think you were. You were great. Love Dr. Drew. Big fan of Dr. Drew. Love hearing him help problems of celebrities.

[Adam Carolla]

God being p. Whipped, good or bad in your eyes, as I feel like one could make an argument for it, but I could make an argument against it. You know what I'm saying? And Drew's pretty p. Whipped.

[David Wild]

Oh. I mean, I don't know his wife except in the sense of knowing everybody, but I don't know his wife personally. Is that the case for him?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's I'll put it to you this way. And when I try to explain to people just how pussy whipped Dr. Drew is, he graduated and med school, but USC, his wife went to UCLA. And every year when UCLA plays. I don't know how much you follow college football.

[David Wild]

I can talk about sports. I'll show you.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Okay. I don't know if you have a team.

[David Wild]

I do. New York Giants, Oakland Raiders.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, that seems weird that you would pick a team that way.

[David Wild]

No, no. I root for the New York. I root for individual teams, but I never. I never, ever, ever affect the outcome of a sporting event to determine the winner.

[Adam Carolla]

Not even the Holy Roller with the Raiders.

[David Wild]

That was because I only occasionally, on rare occasions, will affect the outcome of a sporting event to affect the spread.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh.

[David Wild]

Never the outcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Never the outcome. You will cover spread.

[David Wild]

I don't play dice, but I do occasionally. Occasionally gamble on foot.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. So there was Immaculate Reception and then a Holy Roller. That's a lot now.

[David Wild]

But they changed the rule after the Holy Roller because it was. Yeah, I was clearly meant to be a forward. It was a forward fumble in the sense of. I mean, it's. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

Van Egan kicked that ball all the way down the field. But. Okay, let's not get this.

[David Wild]

But then the sea of hands. I mean, that was. That was a miracle. That was a miracle.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely. Because that guy never caught a ball all. All year. But. All right, anyway, enough Raiders history for a second, Dr. Drew. Here's how pussy whipped he is. He goes to the game, he has to sit in the UCLA side and he has to cheer for UCLA as well. And he does. He went to usc. Usc, ucla. That's one of the. One of the biggest rivalries in college sports. And nobody. I mean. I mean, Brian.

[Gina Grad]

No, it sickens me.

[Adam Carolla]

It does. Really.

[Gina Grad]

Very upsetting.

[Adam Carolla]

This is worse than chemo, right?

[Gina Grad]

If he. He lives in Pasadena by the Rose Bowl. If he had chosen UCLA just based on no history, but he actually attended one of the schools for a number of years and now roots for the.

[David Wild]

Other school because of his wife.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. The P. Whipped part. You see what I'm saying? Hey. Hey, guy, can you help me out? I gotta do a live read.

[David Wild]

Oh, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And, you know, I'd really like, you know, I feel like, you know, I'm fairly well respected. But you have, you know, the gravitas of creating.

[David Wild]

What is the product?

[Adam Carolla]

Carbonite. Yeah, it's backup. It backs up your files on your computer.

[David Wild]

Great. Love Carbonite. I don't see now that's. I don't need. I have to have an infinite memory.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. Yeah.

[David Wild]

Obviously that's not a product where I would say, like, I need that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, your. Your file is never filled, so to.

[Brian Bishop]

Speak, but you're the only one that doesn't need it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everyone else needs backup.

[David Wild]

I wanted the rare conscious entities who wouldn't need it. That's correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. This is all, by the way, in the copy here. Yes. Yeah. This one maybe God can help me out with.

[David Wild]

Do you want me to do. Say carbonite in a really God way?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, I'm curious about this. You can start your free trial [e-mail] used to offer code ACE and get two free bonus months, but I can never figure out if they add two more months onto the year or just comes around again, you know, if they're made up new months or they're just 12 months and you get the two more that begin the next calendar year.

[David Wild]

You're saying that company, that private company, added two months to the actual year?

[Adam Carolla]

I got to get on the phone with them. I'm not sure how they're doing, but either way, you get two free bonus months if you decide to buy. No credit card required. That's carbonite.com offer code ACE. Yeah, say something good about Carbonite. You know, say it in a voice that, you know, would make people really tend to want to go out and get themselves involved with Carbonite.

[David Wild]

Carbonite.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that was good.

[David Wild]

You just cut and paste that, Adam, and just use that in, like, other clips.

[Brian Bishop]

Obviously, you could do. Go forth in carbon.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you worried, you know, about endorsing things like, you know, how a lot of celebrities will do commercials, but they'll do them in Japan or Europe, so we don't see them over here. You know what I mean?

[Brad Williams]

Like, conference.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. George Clooney will do a commercial, but he'll do it over in Japan, get a 7 million bucks, come back, but he won't have to worry about his American audience. You know what I'm saying?

[David Wild]

I've reached a point in my career, Adam, where I don't. I don't worry much about that kind of thing. No, I. I just, you know, God's just going to do what God's going to do. You know, God does his own God.

[Adam Carolla]

Thing one day at a time, huh?

[Brian Bishop]

You know that God tweets.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, that's what I've heard about.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that tweet of God, the tweet.

[David Wild]

Of God immediate occasion that brings me here is a book promotion that is tied into the fact that the Twitter account has just hit a million followers.

[Adam Carolla]

Unbelievable.

[David Wild]

So that's as many followers as are in certain sects of the Southern Methodist Synod. So I have more followers in that regard. I'm certainly way past the Amish.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, no, you are, but. And look, I don't want to, you know, obviously you're celebrating this, but considering all your subjects, you know, sometimes you hear about a celebrity and you go, this guy's, you know, some band or something. I don't know. It's like when Hanson came in here and they're like, this guy's sold 20 million albums. And then you go, how many Twitter followers? Yeah, we have 51,000. And you think to yourself, this is an unborn Kardashian that has 100,000. Listen, no disrespect for the amount of subjects that you have roaming around the earth with Twitter accounts and, you know, millions. Nice. That's impressive.

[David Wild]

I just decided that this time I wanted to really build it by word of mouth, because word of mouth, when you get that kind of endorsement, it's really solid. It's not going to erode, it's not going to be a flash in the pan thing. I've had experiences in the past where I've tried to start religions and there have been all kinds of problems and holocausts and this and that. So this time I'm trying to avoid that. So situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you get David Wilde past Rick Springfield, or is that the kind of stuff you bother with?

[Brian Bishop]

I believe the tweet of God is the only one that could do this. I should explain. When I first started coming in here, I arbitrarily noticed that I had the same number as our 100 behind Rick Astley. And I asked the viewer, the listeners of the Adam Koller show, the best listeners on Earth, to get me past Rick Astley. Then I look for who can I go after next to Rickroll, as it were. And it turned out Rick Perry at that point had like 2 million. So I looked at Rick Springfield, who was only like 15,000. I've been trying to get past Rick Springfield ever since because I love him and yet he owes me some money.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

I think you know what happened.

[David Wild]

I know that was unfortunate, but, you know, he has a side of the story, too. I was there. You both have a point.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, so, yeah, I think the tweet of God is the only one who could get me past.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, big question. What the Fuck. Sorry, again with the language. God. But no, it's.

[David Wild]

What? The fornicate would be better for me.

[Adam Carolla]

What? The fornicate is going on with passion fruit. It just. It didn't exist. I never heard of it. And then once in a while, it was at crappy restaurants and their tea, and now people tweet me passion fruit, soap, deodorant, beers. What's going on? I don't know if you had a hand in this. It doesn't feel natural. It feels unnecessary. It feels like maybe you're pushing it along a little bit. I don't know if you had an agenda. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but passion fruit went from what's a passion fruit? To I need it removed from my fucking life. Like it is now been injected into almost everything that's on a shelf at a supermarket.

[Brian Bishop]

It's nearly as omnipresent as you see.

[David Wild]

For me, that's kale. Your passion fruit is my kale. I feel the same way about kale. Passion fruit. I happen to like passion fruit. It's one of my top two fruits.

[Adam Carolla]

That I create, really.

[David Wild]

Right up there with the durian, which is the one that smells like but tastes delicious, really. I do regret the name of passion fruit because it sets up an expectation that's barely fulfilled. It does not actually inspire. It's not like the Viagra produce.

[Adam Carolla]

Understood. And the Rainier cherries. That, by the way. Just do that move. Why don't you do something right near for the Rainier cherries? What'd you got? Take your right arm out for a second. Extend it. Just go ahead and bring it back and just pat yourself on the back. Just pat yourself. Just go ahead. Just pat yourself right on the back for that Rainier cherry. That's the cherry. I know you have a lot of.

[David Wild]

Fruit and I don't have a physical presence, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh. But you know what I'm saying? Symbolically. Symbolically. Put the arm out and just stick it. Right. And just pat yourself right on the back for that big, plump. It's got some yellow in it. It's red and yellow. I mean, it is just goddamn. Oh, right. Sorry. It's unbelievable.

[David Wild]

While on the topic maraschinos. That's none of mine.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not you.

[David Wild]

No, that's ungodly.

[Adam Carolla]

That. Yeah. That is weird.

[David Wild]

That's not a fruit. No, that's a candy posing as a fruit.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I feel like there's more of a 70s sexuality wrapped up in that. That fruit than There is an actual taste. Exactly.

[David Wild]

Like putting the cherry in and having the lipstick around, and then you, like, pull the cherry off the stem and, ooh, I'm so aroused now. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the chick puts the stem in her mouth, ties in a knot with her tongue, and spits it right back on to your face. You know what I'm saying?

[David Wild]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Wild]

I don't. I don't need to hear, you know, excessive detail about your.

[Adam Carolla]

Understood. Understood, understood. I know about.

[David Wild]

I've seen your genitals. I know what you're working with.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Seen.

[David Wild]

I. I know many all things, actually, so I don't really need.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't have to say. You know what I'm saying to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Wild]

I don't care. But I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. The mayor, but I do agree that the maraschino cherry is weak. It's sort of the devil's word work. It's fun. Look, I'm not here to defend the maraschino cherry, but in a Shirley Temple. But where are you with the weird green maraschino cherry that existed only for about a decade? The green maraschino cherry's up there with the blue cotton candy. What the f. I mean, was somebody eating cotton candy going, well, we got an issue here. Half of cotton candy's appeal is just the fact that it's pink. And it's actually when people go, like, what color is that Cadillac? Is it cotton candy Pink Cadillac Elvis gave to his wife or something the color of cotton candy. Now, why in the green? That's the worst color ever. Now, the only two things at the bar, you got the pickled eggs, the thing that sat in the big jar of its own brine, and now the green. That's the only thing that gave the eggs a run for their money in the. I don't want this department.

[David Wild]

The great thing about cotton candy is it's great that they can make a children's suite out of a fabric. I think that's a wonderful thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It really does.

[David Wild]

It speaks to man's ingenuity and, by extension, my own.

[Adam Carolla]

Who is the cousin of button candy. Yeah. Which is awful.

[Brad Williams]

Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yeah. God, did you have anything to do with that button candy? The stuff that comes on the paper and it's rock hard and just paper.

[David Wild]

No, I delegate most of the candy to the Mars Corporation.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Subcontracting.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, God, I want to thank you for swinging by. This has really been a treat.

[David Wild]

Anytime, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Again, I think God has a book plug, doesn't he?

[Giovanni]

That was Adam Carillo Show 1173. Coming up next, we have Adam Carillo Show 1834, Reeves Darby, David Wilde, Gina Grad, and Brian bishop. This one's 2016. Adam has some thoughts about his traveling companion and business partner, Mike August.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina Grad is running a couple minutes late and we had to start right on time for us over here because Gergis is swinging by and you don't want. I always feel with Gargis, if I tell him to hang on for 15 minutes, he's going to charge me.

[Gina Grad]

Those are billable hours.

[Brian Bishop]

Time is money when you're Mark Gargis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. For David Wilde, time is really just.

[Brian Bishop]

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slip into the future. Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And it's just going through the hourglass. David Wilde is here. The greatest hits, by the way. Upcoming show. Wait a minute. June 30th. Oh, that's right. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Thursday all summer. And Arsenio is doing stand up today. But he said he would like to come in the next few weeks with me and jam.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Arsenio Hall.

[Brian Bishop]

He loves you. What a great guy.

[Adam Carolla]

He really is a good guy. And like I said, when I did celebrity presents with him, he chose me number one for his team, even though I'd been booted off quite a bit earlier. So I was profoundly flattered. And it was actually funny coming full circle because our show was a stand up show because it was Arsenio, it was me and a few other funny people. Oh, I think I had to write jokes or write a funny skit for like Paulie from West coast choppers and stuff like that. But we ended up roasting Trump essentially because Trump was standing in the audience for the finale of the challenge. Not the actual finale finale, you know, Radio City musical, whatever, live, but the pre taped finale event. The challenge as it was, was just, I think like a variety show. And I think we ended up all kind of roasting Trump.

[Brian Bishop]

And the prize was four years free at Trump University, I believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The best, the, the classiest steaks ever. Gina Grad is now rolled in the studio.

[Rick Springfield]

Sorry about that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. Good to see you. You too. And bald Brian, you shouldn't ask what a nipple clamp is. Is it clamp that is made for your nipples?

[Gina Grad]

Just so you guys know.

[Adam Carolla]

So because we never get tired of making fun of Mike August.

[Gina Grad]

We'Re starting.

[Adam Carolla]

So early, you guys, you tell me, but you tell me what you think this is, because I think I know what it is. This will be the second part of my making fun of Mike August conversation. But I had this thing where I needed to catch up with Mike August on a bunch of topics. So I just reached out to him last weekend, I think it was Saturday morning, and I said, you want dinner? If you throw food out there, you can always get Mike August to show up.

[Gina Grad]

Food and finance is when he comes into sharp focus.

[Adam Carolla]

You rang, right? So I said, you want to grab some dinner tonight?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I said, zeke's is our sort of local barbecue place. They help us out when we do our Christmas parties and things like that. I then made the mistake of writing back, and I said, why don't you swing by the house at about six and we'll head over to Zeke's. He then wrote back, got the baby. How about 7:30? I said, fine, fine. I'll see you at 7:30. Then I stood around my house and it was about 7:45. Mike August is one of these guys where if it's 7:30, it's 7:29. And he's just standing by the door waiting for you to open it. We do this all the time. And now it's 7:45. But I'm starting to think, well, maybe something with the kid and the sitter and the nanny or something. There's a little hold up there, whatever. And then the phone rings, and then it's Mike. And he says, where are you? And I say, I'm standing in the hall waiting for you. And he says, well, I'm at Zeke's. And I said, why are you at Zeke's? And he said, you said, we're going to Zeke's. And I said, swing by the house and we'll go to Zeke's, is what I said. But this is a three and a half for Mike, right? So, all right, Zeke's is by my house. Parking can be a little tough. So I normally travel together, But I want him to show my. He did. Soon as I sat down at Zeke's, he's like, how's the pool going? How's the backyard going? How's the kids going? Well, these are all things that I wanted to discuss when you walked into my house. But anyway, we'll meet it. So he calls me. So I do this move. I say, all right, I'm coming as fast as I can. I hang up the phone, and then I think for a beat, and I realize he's probably been sitting around Zeke's for 15 minutes now because he's on time, and he's thinking, I'm showing up and he's calling me after 10 or 15 minutes when I'm late. So I call him at Zeke's and I give him my two favorite items. Appetizer items for me, I'm telling you, the deviled egg and or egg salad sandwich. Vastly underrated and under serviced in our department. I say people eat 10 to one turkey over egg salad, but yet I prefer egg salad. I'm guilty. I order turkey sandwiches all the time too. It's a sort of clean ease, whatever. But if you're at a deli, do yourself a favor, get the egg salad.

[Gina Grad]

One of those things when you get it is one of those items, you're like, why don't I get this more often? And then fast forward two and a half years, repeat, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And I feel like people eat a metric ton for every melon balling scoop of tuna salad sandwich versus egg salad sandwich. But egg salad kicks ass. And the devil day. Now when they do a little, they do it right, they do a little paprika on top and everything. And they have a nice little wood platter and it comes with like six of them.

[Gina Grad]

You know what the simplest, best touch. Christy makes deviled eggs for a Christmas party every year. They go in a flash. They're one of the most popular items off the table in a flesh. A simple, simple touch for a deviled egg. Little tiny bit of bacon on top. Little tiny, like cut up pieces.

[Rick Springfield]

Nobody's gonna be mad at that.

[Gina Grad]

No one's gonna be mad at that.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm mad at that. We're a little insensitive.

[Rick Springfield]

Frankie, the bacon bacon bit, really it for David.

[Gina Grad]

Turkey bacon. Turkey bacon for you.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a fear of the deviled egg cuz like I spent a lot of time in the south where you'll just have places where they'll have them like right up front at a counter. But I can never tell if that has been there, how long that's been there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the fear, the pickled egg in the jar devil is right in the jar, right? But the, the pickled egg in the jars, it was a weird one. They used to have those at like the 711 and you just see like bums rolling up their sleeve with their bum blazer, like just drip fishing around.

[Brian Bishop]

Bum blazer?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, bum blazer. That's a good indie band.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

They'd be going for the big ostrich one at the bottom, you know, like this hand swinging around in the brine and pulling it out, eating it while they're paying in nickels. And then you're supposed to come in behind them and grab a pickle and an egg too.

[Rick Springfield]

It's like white trash kimchi.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was weird, but another good band. So I said to, I said to. I called Mike and I said, mike, I'm running late. I realize you're sitting there. I said, here's, here's how we do this. And I'm paying. So I said, order. Let's. Let's get a couple appetizers going so you can eat. But when I show up, it shows up. You don't have to wait for me to order. I'm driving in. Order the deviled eggs and the sausage sampler platter. Bunch of cut up smoked sausage. Good move with like the smoky, mustardy, sweet mustardy in the middle. Cut. Get, get those two items and I'll see in a minute. He says, done and done. And by the way, order yourself a beer if you want one. Hang up the phone. Then I show up and he's eating the sausage. He's ordered himself some asparagus. And then I say, where are the deviled eggs? And he said, didn't order. And I said, why not? And he just sort of looked at me and it was a look of, I don't like deviled eggs.

[Gina Grad]

So being like a mater d like, sir, please try the deviled eggs. You'll love them.

[Adam Carolla]

I always want to say to people, your plan is a wickedly awesome plan if you think I'm going to get in a catastrophic accident between my house and the 11 blocks it takes me to get to Zeke's. But your plan's a horribly conceived plan if and I show up because we just spoke about it, it's a real house of coffee.

[Brian Bishop]

It's springs eternal for I guess.

[Rick Springfield]

So are you more surprised that he didn't order it or that he didn't order it and eat them all by himself?

[Adam Carolla]

I just realized for 7 out of 10 adults, I know they plot their life loosely based on sort of what they like or what they don't like. And if they don't like deviled eggs, then I don't care if the boss man who's paying for everything, who loves deviled eggs. I will not convey this message to that person because I don't like deviled eggs. I like sausage.

[Gina Grad]

You thought you were making a recommendation like, here's the things you're gonna love now.

[Adam Carolla]

But you said, order this. He ordered the sausage. He ordered.

[Brad Williams]

No, sorry, Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

I gave him two items. One he likes a lot, the other, evidently, he doesn't like so he ordered the one he liked, the sausage. And then he ordered an additional item which was asparagus.

[Rick Springfield]

Something else he liked which did not.

[Adam Carolla]

Come up in our conversation. But he did not order the thing that I love because he does not like that right now. I'm fine. Here's the part I like. I just tell everyone, if you have no intention of doing anything we've discussed, please notify me. And then I'll stop at the Deviled Eggs Emporium on the way over and pick up a chub pack. So I'll have something for myself.

[Brian Bishop]

The deviled egg dispatch next to sofas or us is.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll rearrange. Yeah, we'll rearrange. This where I'll go call the waitress over and then hand her the phone and I will download the deviled egg order to her personally. But please tell me if you have no intention of doing whatever it is I've said.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I ask you a question about your relationship with Mike August?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. My sense of your male friendships are that only Jimmy Kimmel really exists. It's like that map of a New Yorker's view of the world. Only Manhattan exists. Is he the only person. If you had say, you killed a hooker and I'm not saying you have recently and you needed to go and have like a male group to sort of work through issues. Who's in the room? I'm thinking Kevin Hench is someone you would bounce ideas against.

[Adam Carolla]

Kimmel Hench is good. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Baby Doll.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing. Well, can you sleep through it? Couple things. Baby Doll wouldn't be in the room, but he'd be insist on being in on a conference call for where we're going to dispose of it.

[Brian Bishop]

He'd be in like a Dunkin Donuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting light and sweet, baby. That's what I'd hear in the middle.

[Gina Grad]

Of slowly off the Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. I'd be saying, I don't know if it was the cocaine. I don't know if it was the booze or the combination of the two. I've been under a lot of stress. Light and sweet, baby. Light and sweet, baby. Let's see. I like Hanch because he's an atheist. So, you know, they'll agree with whatever makes sense.

[Rick Springfield]

He's smart. Very smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Very smart. And an atheist. You know, Jimmy is not an atheist. He may feel compelled to do what's right. Yeah. Which is most of the time. Because I live such a righteous life. I'm on the happy end of it. Right. But this could Be the one time where, you know, his calling is Drew.

[Brian Bishop]

Drew someone you would bounce this off against.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'll tell you why Drew's a disaster. Because Drew at some point would tell his wife, and then at that point she would get on. She would get the car from the Blues Brothers where they had the PA system on the roof, and drive up and down the beaches, the shores of Chicago, announcing that Adam. Yeah, Tonight only Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

I think she might do it anyway. Even if you haven't done anything, she.

[Adam Carolla]

May be doing it as we speak.

[Rick Springfield]

You know who I think might be in the room? Joel McHale. Smart guy.

[Gina Grad]

No, he'd be there via robot.

[Rick Springfield]

Oh, that's true. Yeah. He'll wheel himself in.

[Adam Carolla]

Joel be there. But I feel like if Joel and Jimmy were there, then Joel would be cracking wise, trying to make Jimmy laugh, and it would turn into one of those situation to one upsmanship things.

[Rick Springfield]

Can we please get back to the hooker I killed?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd probably keep Dr. Drew out of that because of his wife and because of how seriously he takes his Hippocratic oath. But I would Dr. Bruce is what I'm saying. I need someone who knows the anatomy. There's gonna be some dismemberment and I need to know how this stuff works. So I definitely fold him into the mix. And he doesn't give a shit about his Hippocratic oath. So that would be Phil.

[Brian Bishop]

You wouldn't ask Phil, right? You don't need a Jew with that level of conscience.

[Rick Springfield]

Oh, Rosendahl too happy maybe for this occasion.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I tell you what I'd have Phil do. I wouldn't tell him what the topic was. I'd have him cater. Bring egg salad. Phil. Oh, yes, I do that.

[Rick Springfield]

Fondelier. He'd help you out in a jam.

[Gina Grad]

Someone's got to take notes.

[Rick Springfield]

Yeah, I like Fondelier schedule at digging.

[Adam Carolla]

I like his motivation. He could transport the body using Uber.

[Rick Springfield]

Oh, Gary.

[Adam Carolla]

He could. He could. I don't feel like he would stand up well under scrutiny.

[Gina Grad]

Uber black.

[Adam Carolla]

When this as a character witness. When the cop, you know, like in Crimes and Misdemeanors, you know, when the cops showing around start poking around, asking just some general questions, you know. Cause the cops would have to show up and they'd just ask some general questions and he would immediately just bust open.

[Brian Bishop]

I know who you could depend. Costner. I think he's a big ass. You go the big ass, but I think you pull in Costner, that could be the role that he's been looking for.

[Adam Carolla]

I Feel like with Costner, it'd be like, look, I killed the hooker. Kevin. He'd go, I know I was there. And I'd go, oh, that's right. We teamed her. I was really high. All right, good. Anyway, I was gonna save us a lot of discussion so we can hop right to the disposal part. We got Kimmel, we got Mikhail, we got Dr. Spaz. Some of the best in the business are going to help us with this.

[Gina Grad]

You have cousin Sal there to keep everything light. You keep people on their toes.

[Adam Carolla]

Cousin Sal here's the problem. He does his Cody's. His character of the year awards.

[Gina Grad]

I know he mentioned that. You're trying to put the record out of reach.

[Adam Carolla]

And my non showering is probably going to put me over the top in terms of the Cody awards for this year.

[Gina Grad]

That's STEPH CURRY Shooting 24. That is hard. That it's impossible to overcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike August has taken the Cody. I've taken the Cody. But I got out of the gate real strong with the decree of not showering this year and a lot of Cody points for that. Again, character of the year. So as much as Sal, as much as I could use Sal, low center of gravity and his muscle for this and his dedication to this game, disposing of a hooker would get you like 100 Cody points.

[Rick Springfield]

And you'd have to hear about that.

[Adam Carolla]

And he really couldn't resist from adding that onto your Cody tab.

[Gina Grad]

You'd be the first unanimous Cody in the history of the award.

[Adam Carolla]

And he'd have to put it in there. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah. He'd be remiss not to.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Gina Grad]

That's a judge after all.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there any.

[Brian Bishop]

Is there any scenario where you bring Bonaduce into this group, this power group? You know why he knows about how to kill himself?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You guys going down the wrong path? I'll tell you why. We bring the douche man in. And it's been covered in a couple of crime caper shows before, but I'll tell you why. First I'll tell you about legalism. Then I'll tell you. Speak of the devil's got it. Oh, yeah, he's dead.

[Gina Grad]

He's the first one there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not only that, but he's got a lot of land. Yeah.

[Rick Springfield]

A lot of holes in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, plenty of holes. So why do I have the douche man in on this one? Yes. I don't need the muscle, I don't need the advice. I need the one crazy guy who's gonna go bragging to everybody what we did, who everyone looks at as the town drunk. See what I mean? Oh, don't listen to him.

[Gina Grad]

We talked about this a few days ago.

[Rick Springfield]

That makes sense.

[Gina Grad]

Certain people, he's like Goodfellows.

[Brian Bishop]

Stretch. Is it Stretch?

[Adam Carolla]

He will disgrouse Bonaduce weaving another tale.

[Gina Grad]

It's the Corey Phelps. You know, it's like if you're in a molested kid, you want to be end up being Corey Feldman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, what if?

[Gina Grad]

It's a big if.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Because he's gonna start shooting his mouth off and everyone's gonna go, okay, dude, oh please, just, please just work on your moonwalk with your sweetie pie. And let's say you don't. You want the crazy guy who tells all kinds of tales and some of them so incredible, one more incredible than the next. And this would just be one more.

[Rick Springfield]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

You see what I'm saying?

[Rick Springfield]

Absolutely. Would you tell him to come down as fast as he can and wear his most bespangled jeans.

[Gina Grad]

Goes without saying. I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

I once speaking of him and baby doll, when I came to my last year haven't told the story in a while, but I just said I can't work with Bonaduce anymore. And it was like, I don't know if you guys are like me, maybe I'm more like me than you guys are. Chances are, by definition. Really by definition. But I swear to God, the earlier you wake me up, the crabbier I am sure I don't start evening out until about noon. Like God help you if you got to talk to me at 6am I'm just not in a good mood. And when you get me up at 4:45. There is no morning schedule. To me that involves going to bed at 8pm it just. It doesn't exist. I would go to bed at 11 or whenever and I would just get up at 4:45, just kind of suck it up and be like, I'll take a nap during the day. Or maybe I will, maybe I won't. But I was always had a slight perturb. My perturbment level was getting. It was always knocking on the door of Last Nerve. I was sort of second to Last Nerve. I was always kind of like a little tired. A little. Chances are I was working on a project or some other film or some other show or Dancing with the Stars or something. There's a good chance I was working on some thing that kept me tired. And so when I'd show up in the morning, I'd be like, that Kind of thing where it's like, you don't mind, you can handle the kids in the next room with the TV turned up too loud at four in the afternoon, but first thing in the morning, it's. It's annoying, you know, the douche man, Brian, tell me if I'm making this up. Placed his chin up. Bar.

[Gina Grad]

It's all correct.

[Adam Carolla]

In the only door that you could use to get in and out of the studio.

[Gina Grad]

It's almost like he wanted you to.

[Adam Carolla]

See him doing it and would have.

[Brian Bishop]

Almost would.

[Gina Grad]

Almost like it drew attention to the.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If I didn't. If I didn't know the real douche man, I'd say like he would be wearing his true religion jeans, his ostrich cowboy boots and his belt buckle that was way too big for his carriage. Shirt off. A lot of guys don't want to sweat up that shirt again.

[Gina Grad]

It's almost like he wanted you to.

[Rick Springfield]

Notice this whole thing almost in the workplace.

[Adam Carolla]

You say in the only door that I could get in and out of the studio with. With the. Now, it's funny because he would chain smoke and then cover himself an Axe. So. And this is kind of that real.

[Gina Grad]

Duality of man thing going on, but.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S kind of the. Somebody shit up the bathroom and then you walk in and you go, somebody smells. Like somebody took a shit on my nose but covered it with pine salt.

[Gina Grad]

Like someone's shitting Febreze.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's a weird. Now you have to sort of investigate two smells, you know. So what I was smelling was Marlboro red with Axe. Unless that's a scent of theirs. Now, I don't know. Crystal ladies can't resist a chain smoker. Fellas, you don't want to risk lung cancer. Now ask finally, what is one to do.

[Brian Bishop]

She was married to that woman Gretchen at that point, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you get to know her at all?

[Adam Carolla]

I got to know.

[Brian Bishop]

Rather pleasant.

[Rick Springfield]

Very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to know. So the one of the. I don't know why I think everyone had their own douche man. Annoyance, pet, sentences or words. But I knew her well, not because I really met her, spent any time with her. Just that anytime her or a reference to his wife would come up, Danny would lean into the microphone and go, she's a size 0. For some reason, that goose egg was meant beamed with pride. I sort of felt bad for all the chicks that were size nines that had to be anywhere near the bragging of the size 0. Also, it's kind of a weird thing calling Your wife a zero. But. And I don't know that a zero is good because at a certain. Like my grandpa size zero has been dead for 17 years. I might go to double zero, I'm guessing. But it was always a weird thing that that's what he loved, saying that she was a size 0.

[Brian Bishop]

What would be more annoying, saying, my wife is a size 0 or my wife is my best friend? Which of those two things would annoy you more?

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta go with best friend.

[Rick Springfield]

I'm gonna be honest, the size 0 is odd. It's an odd thing to say, but best friend might be more annoying.

[Adam Carolla]

More annoying.

[Brian Bishop]

I look at him, I only met him once or twice, but he is like a monster of show business in terms of. If you were raised in the trough of the shallowness of this business, that's what you get. Like, you are just all you need is attention. And there's no.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he, I, he, I've seen him walk red carpets multiple times. Like, go, go out. Turning right, turn left, go behind the step and repeat and walk in, do some chin ups and walk in again. But I would then have to walk in to the studio where the cowboy boots and the True Religion jeans and the belt buckle and the ax ax. I sound like a brother now. And the nicotine. And he'd just be doing chin ups and I'd just be sort of standing there like, beleaguered. Like, really? And what led into this is I would always say to my agent, who would simply say from his palatial state, somewhere outside of Manhattan, baby, just go to work with him. Who cares?

[Gina Grad]

Like, work around him.

[Adam Carolla]

Just work around him. And I'd say, I can't. We do a four hour radio show and he sits three feet away and screams size zero all the time. And I was like, let's just ignore him, right?

[Brian Bishop]

It's like that gorilla who got shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Has less chance of ignoring the bullet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, you can't do a morning show where you ignore the person that's sitting next to you when you're trying to interview Joel McHale and they jump in with whatever. And then I just remember saying, baby, what if I just let a full grown macaw loose in your house? And it'd just be in your house, okay. And there'd be nights when you walked in your bathroom and it wasn't there. And then there'd be days when you opened like your closet door in your entry hall and it'd just be there. There's flapping wings everywhere. Making a Noise and coming in. Just ignore it. Could you just ignore? Come on, just live in the house. Just move on. It's not gonna be in every room. Be difficult.

[Brian Bishop]

And you've never hung out with him since. Have you ever had a moment of.

[Rick Springfield]

Passing a beer summit?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I think he.

[Brian Bishop]

An axe summit.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he knows that I like him, which I do. He's a likable guy. And I think he knows I'd call him sweet. Yes, I would call him sweet. And I also think he knows because I said it to him as one of my douche year moves. We would do these big summits, these KLSX summits.

[Rick Springfield]

The think tank.

[Adam Carolla]

The think tank. And we'd all get together. I don't know why this was such a draw. I don't think it was. I think it was right up there with a wing ball. But Jack Silver thought that Think tank, Think tank would be huge. Where we get all the talents from the different middays and mornings and afternoon drive and everything else. We put them in the same studio.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that in gloats? That talent?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Surrounded by other hosts.

[Adam Carolla]

And we'd have a huge round table. I don't know if it was a, you know, state of the union or what. I can't even remember why we did it. But when we were done with was.

[Gina Grad]

An annual all star game, you know, middle of the season.

[Rick Springfield]

Hey, every once in a while you get lucky. Steckler fall, falls off the stage, breaks his leg, right?

[Adam Carolla]

This was an in studio version of the one that we would do. Steckler did fall off the stage and break his leg. Also, I think Steckler punched somebody at one of those.

[Rick Springfield]

Ricky Rackman.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Ricky Rackman. No, Ricky Rackman punched Steckler at the old studio.

[Rick Springfield]

Wait, there was another punching Steckler incident.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit. Let me text Conway, look it up. Tim Conway Jr.

[Brian Bishop]

They were good. They were both good.

[Adam Carolla]

I for some reason think Ricky Rackman, now we're coming full circle, came into the studio to punch. But I could be thinking about Boogerman choking Jimmy Kimmel. Look, I got two radio stories. When anyone wants to know how radio goes, I always just tell them this. If anyone's like, what's radio like? Or what's the difference between TV and radio? That's super simple. My agent, James Babylon Dixon, got an irate phone call from a very agitated Jack Silver explaining, complaining we're not buying any more peanut butter for your host. I like the jar of peanut butter just in the premises. So I'd come in and Take a scoop an hour. Number three. Sometimes when the protein level's getting a little low, he's going through a jar a week.

[Gina Grad]

Dixon, do the math.

[Adam Carolla]

Jack was incensed.

[Gina Grad]

Seriously, do the math.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't put his foot down at the jar of Jif peanut butter for me. Which it was insane, too. It's insane to Baby Doll because Baby Doll is used to standing around the set of the Daily show and seeing a fully catered spread all the time, all day, every day, and the writers just ordering as much Chinese food as they want. The idea that peanut butter was off limits. And the other one, I say, is the Booger Man. I sat in Frank Murphy, our producer's office, and watched him physically choke. Jimmy Kimmel later was let go because he gave away a Huffy mountain bike to one of his friends on air.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a crime.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why he got fired. Not choking the employee that he was. I don't even know if he was reprimanded for that. But he did give away an $89 mountain bike to. You know, it wasn't caller 106, it was his buddy. And that got him. Shit.

[Brian Bishop]

If that did not happen, Boogerman would not be co hosting the Charlie Rose show now.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right.

[Rick Springfield]

Speaking of all these radio dogs and all the Conway talk, do you remember at night, Jack's never made them stop. But for a while, we had a good run of the bit. Will Danny kill it with you and Danny Clips. Now, first of all, Danny was always super nice to me, and I really, really liked him, and he was a great guy. But this bit was so funny. You would set up a joke, we'd stop the tape, we'd all do a whip around and see if he was gonna kill the joke. He always would cue the pots and pans sound effects, and we would do it every night. And Jack was not happy with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was. Will Danny kill it? I remember that.

[Gina Grad]

No, not Will. He would.

[Adam Carolla]

He would kill. It was kind of so. But I did like Danny on a personal level, and I said, he's a good host. Just hosting his own show. Not.

[Brian Bishop]

I enjoyed him on his own.

[Adam Carolla]

I did, too. And as I said, when we were done with our think tank, when we all dispersed and at some point, Danny and I were just walking down the hall, and I meant it, even though it sounds douchey. I said, good news, Danny. And he said, what? I said, you're the second funniest guy on the station. And I meant it. And I still stand by it.

[Gina Grad]

So sweet of you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I meant it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Booger man was.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we got to figure out if Rackman punched Steckler when they were at the old studio.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't that what Hamilton is based on?

[Gina Grad]

Ricky Rackman was not on that station when I was there.

[Rick Springfield]

Yeah, I seem to remember Rich Burner. I don't know if you remember him from production. Him standing in front of the door in front of the studio saying, you cannot go in there and trying to protect him from.

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't a think tank on stage. It was whatever. Something Steckler, Doug Steckler, said on into the microphone that got Ricky to go punch him in the face.

[Brad Williams]

I'm sorry, I'm not too familiar with this. Which one are we looking for? I've got an article here about Rackman punching Steckler and then getting fired.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, okay. That's probably the one. Unless there's another. Yeah, yeah, I'm guessing it happened at the old studio, which was in Koreatown. I always marveled at that place because I would show up on my way to Loveline and hang out with Steckler and Conway and do their show and then split and then go do Loveline. And the first time I walked in, it's the only place of business that was in a commercial building on Wilshire Boulevard that had no carpet. And it wasn't like, oh, hardwood flooring or bamboo. No, no, just slab. Slab. And where you would see the way they put the padding down on the carpet is they take glue and they just kind of go serpentine on it. And then they put the padding down, then they put the carpet on top of that just so that the padding doesn't slide around. You just see the serpentine glue trail and just the slab. And I remember showing up going like, all right, I guess they're remodeling. And then three years later, still a slab. And I was like, somebody want to buy some carpet for their business?

[Gina Grad]

Were they years ahead of their time? Because that's like the cool look now.

[Brian Bishop]

For, like, you know, it wasn't a loft industrial look. It was simply shithole.

[Adam Carolla]

The cool is either come in and grind it and bring up the aggregate, come in and stain it, and then put a couple clear coats of epoxy. This was just dusty, old, weird warehouse.

[Brian Bishop]

It was slaughterhouse floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Slaughterhouse look floor in the middle of an off commercial office building in the middle of Wilshire Boulevard. All right, all right.

[Giovanni]

This is Adam Koller show 1834. Coming up next, we have Adam Colo show 2157. Ari Shafir, Gina Grant, Brian Bishop from 2017. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you and Paul Bryan.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not chocolate covered bacon.

[Gina Grad]

Ari Shafir from 2013.

[Adam Carolla]

So this will never work because my life is a never ending host of experiments that never work when I'm there and then work when other people show up.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

But I never do the 4:1:1 operator thing with the smartphone, except for there's simply one place and one place only I do it with. And there's a Chinese food place that's nearest my house.

[Gina Grad]

Tell me, Grandpa Crawford 422, please.

[Adam Carolla]

And I tend to like when I'm walking, like I was walking Philly Cheesesteak the other day. And I said, I want to eat here later on tonight with my family, but it gets a little crowded on a Saturday night. So I shall make a reservation at this Chinese food place, a nice place called the New Moon Cafe. And it's in Montrose, California.

[Rick Springfield]

Nothing about this sounds very Chinese, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I can never get through to the 411. I can never. They have multiple locations. And I try LA Canada, California, I try Montrose, California, but they always give me the one that's on Figueroa or whatever in downtown. Also, whether it's me talking to Siri or whatever the hell her name is over there.

[Rick Springfield]

Close enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Shouldn't we factor in meaning when it says what state or what city and you name the city and then it gives you the one in downtown la, shouldn't it know that it's not the city you were discussing? Especially when you said that's the city. And again, I say the same thing with Lexapro or whatever name of my Surrey is. There's too many names in my head. My point is this. I tell them to play 870 the answer in the morning when I come walking in to listen to Dennis Prager in the morning. And every 13th to 17th time I hear the answer by pump the volume DJ7 and they just play that thing. And I'm like, sweetie, we have a history, don't. We don't have a rich history of me saying this. I thought part of the deal was they start to recognize your patterns a little bit. And since the only time we ever play this music is when you misunderstand me, go ahead and strike it out. Just go ahead and strike it out. And by the way, when we play your Pump the Jam music instead of my 870the answer, and I immediately hop on it and say, stop. Shouldn't that work into your artificial intelligence as well? We never listen to more than one 1.7 seconds of what you've put there. Yet we listen to hours of the other thing. At some point. Shirley, correct the pattern. Start working in. All right. So I thought, just for fun, oops, I would try this just to see if it did. If it were, it was as horrible. Now I find myself yelling all voice command stuff. I find myself screaming at reasonable. But I thought I'd try just to see how it worked. And I'll let you guys hear it and see if it.

[Brad Williams]

AT&T.

[Adam Carolla]

Directory assistance. Your AT&T account will only be charged when a listing is provided. Say a city and state, like Dallas, Texas. You can also say search by phone number. Montrose, California. Montrose, California. If that's not right, say Go back. Now, which are you calling for? A business or residence? A business. Okay, say the name of the business you want. If you don't know the name of the business, tell me the type of business you are looking for. New Moon Cafe. Searching in and around Modrose. I'm finding Los Angeles Cafe at 735 S. Figueroa St. Okay, Gary, when you go on your website, there's one in Montrose, right?

[Brad Williams]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Hang on and I'll connect you. I don't want to be connected because this is the one in downtown. If you go on the website, there's one in Montrose. So then I call back and I say another city. I say La Canada. And it sends me to that one again. So then I try again, but this time I got an angle. Are you ready? It's going to be super satisfying, Gina.

[Gina Grad]

This is known as the Twist.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the twist because I'm going to go with type of business.

[Rick Springfield]

PS411 still works.

[Brad Williams]

AT&T.

[Adam Carolla]

Directory assistance. Your AT&T account will only be charged when a listing is provided. To call back, New Moon Cafe. Say Connect my. Otherwise, say a city and state. Montrose, California. Montrose, California. If that's not right, say Go back. Now, which are you calling for? A business or residence? A business. Okay, say the name of the business you want to. If you don't know the name of the business, tell me the type of business you are looking for. Chinese food. Restaurant. I'm sorry, we were unable to find what you're looking for. Okay, what goddamn year is it? You go on the website. New Moon Cafe. Chinese food. Montrose, California. Why is it not. Why it's the only place I ever try to get the phone number from? Because I don't need Anyone else's number. And I'm just trying to put a reservation in when I'm walking the dog. Why? What is that? Gary? What is that? Is it just me? How come nothing works for me?

[Gina Grad]

It is nothing.

[Brad Williams]

I think that you are squarely in the minority of people who still use 411.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I was just about to say I think.

[Adam Carolla]

But it still could work. I mean, if they have it right?

[Brad Williams]

Putting attention towards making that technology better. I think it's just stalled because it's not being used.

[Adam Carolla]

But there is a new moon in Montrose. Yeah, there is a Chinese food joint in Montrose.

[Gina Grad]

Any other method used to search for it, we'll provide it. Whether you do Google search or try Siri. Yeah, try Siri.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think I have Siri. Okay, well, either way. Either way, hold down your home button. I'm. I can't. I fell off already. I can't. I can't do it. Why do we have 41 1? Like, why do we have an operator? Like, I'm just trying to get a number. I don't know.

[Gina Grad]

We did.

[Brad Williams]

I didn't know it was still an option.

[Rick Springfield]

I've forgotten you taught us something today.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I. Well, first off, have you ever heard black people talk about giving you the 411 on something? They don't say, girl, what's the surrey? No, they don't. They give you the 411 so you don't have to call the 91 1.

[Gina Grad]

You are hip and with it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, look, you're making fun of me, but what I'm saying is, is it's up and running. Yeah. It simply gives you the wrong location and it seems to work. It just doesn't work the way you'd like to work. Now, again, they're not putting a ton of work into infrastructure, let's say over there. But why not? As long as. What. What if I just wanted the one in downtown? Then it would work, right?

[Rick Springfield]

I'm wondering if that location needs to register with 411 and just never bother.

[Adam Carolla]

True. Yeah. If you don't, someone should give them the 41 1. What's going on, dude? All right. I'm just saying that is my life. And now I don't really know anything else. So what I do is I, when I'm done walking, when I'm done screaming at the phone, walking dog, looking a mad person, where I have to hold it in front of my mouth and scream at it. And then I really start screaming when it's type of business because, like, Chinese Restaurants, like, no. Never heard of nothing there. But anyway, when I get home, I go on the computer, and then I just get the phone number off. Off the computer, and then I just called up. Anyway, so that was. That was enjoyable. I just. I don't try things that often. Once in a while I do, and I just. They never work. I can't even handle the kiosk at the airport. I have to hand everything to Mike August. Oh, yeah, I'll screw that up, too. I just. I'm just bad.

[Gina Grad]

You should outsource your reservations to Mike August.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a. It's a combination between being bad and having a magnetic sphere around me that screws everything up.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is adam K Show 21:57. Coming up for our next clip is Adam Kohler Show 1360. Brad Williams, Allison Rosen. Brian Bishop, 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

One of our favorites. Brad Williams in studio about last night, co hosted with Adam Reyes. Boy, I gotta tell you, I had to flip a dwarf and find out who I liked better. Brad Williams. Adam Ray. I fucking love both of you guys, man.

[Brad Williams]

Well, I mean, we get along together, and I think that's what makes the podcast work so well. But thank you for being so supportive and always having us on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's available on itunes, and what else can I say? It's peanut butter and chocolate. How can you go wrong with these two, Brad?

[Brad Williams]

I mean, Jew and midget is usually a great combo. It's right after. Right after peanut butter and chocolate. If, like, a cannibal could have a Jew midget sandwich, they would totally be about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Or mouth to God's ears. So you just got back from Brazil yesterday?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you went there for the World Cup?

[Brad Williams]

I was there with your friend and mine, Kevin Ryder of the Kevin and Bean Show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

We went out there together, saw four games, went to five cities, got mugged. It was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

You got mugged?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, but I was warned that I was gonna get mugged.

[Adam Carolla]

By the mugger?

[Brad Williams]

No, I was warned by the Brazilian consulate. When I went to get my papers and all that, they said, just so you know, you should have a fake wallet and a fake cell phone on you for when you get mugged. Not if you get bugged. When you get mugged, you can throw.

[Adam Carolla]

It like throwing a tennis ball for a dog, and they'll go chasing after it, and you can make your escape.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. By the way, throw it away.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? When the consulate, you know, whatever piece of shit country you guys are listening in right now, when your own people have to give people a laundry list of shit not to do in your country. Like hey, don't drink any. Certainly don't go out after the street lights come on. If you do definitely stay in a crowd. Like when that list gets about as long as Ron Jeremy's cock. Maybe it's time for you to stop and re examine your country just a little bit. When you're giving lots of. You know what I mean? It's like when somebody's staying in your house and you're like listen, don't try the hot water in the entry bathroom because that. And you gotta jiggle the fucking can the commode because the toilet over.

[Brad Williams]

Don't go out after 5pm or before.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, if you're gonna shit, you gotta wipe your ass with just a handful of goose down. Don't try toilet paper because that's gonna clog up the. When that list takes 15 minutes for you to deliver. Maybe it's time for you to go around the house and take a good look about fixing the place up just a little bit. That's all I'm saying.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, and. But I'm glad they gave me the advice because it happened.

[Adam Carolla]

So what? What happened? So you and. You and Kevin of Kevin and Ben are out there.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How did that marriage begin?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, of me? Of me and Kevin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean Kevin is an interesting guy in that he likes to go out, he likes to explore, he likes it. Just sort of set out and do all that kind of stuff.

[Brad Williams]

He certainly did. Well, my brother in law is on the board of Kevin's channel charity, the Friends and helpers charity. And so. And we're all soccer fans and we just sort of got all talking and we. This is two years ago that we decided to do this and we. And we did it and yeah, it was a blast. It was a blast to go with my friends and see and see another country and see it really makes you appreciate American hookers too. It really does. Because I mean now they're about to.

[Adam Carolla]

Have been piles, piles of hookers. Like they're bringing them in on pallets and forklifts. Right.

[Brad Williams]

I don't know what the name is for a group of hookers. Is it like a murder of hookers?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know, it could be a pod.

[Brad Williams]

Could be a pod of hookers. Gaggle, a swab, maybe a cunt of hookers. I like that one. And you know what? Buy American people. That's what I'm trying to say. Because you go out to the other countries and these Hookers are on Copacabana beach in Rio de Janeiro, and they're standing right next to the Brazilian supermodel with the huge ass and the big titties in the thong bikini. And they're right next to that going, hey, hook me up. Why don't you want to sleep with this? Like, because you're standing next to a supermodel, like.

[Adam Carolla]

But how do you. It's weird.

[Brad Williams]

You're not going to choose the hooker. You're not going to choose the rump steak when the filet mignon is right there.

[Adam Carolla]

But how do you. Well, first off, you may not get into that dining car where the, where the filet mignon is being kept. I mean, that could be Leonardo DiCaprio's plate that he queued up so.

[Brad Williams]

Damn height requirement.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying there's no guarantees. The rump steak, at least you know, you're getting sustenance. That's right. You know, you're going to be true with a full belly. Jizz, but a full belly. But either way, no guarantees with the models. But also, it strikes me when you're in Brazil and everyone is wearing a thong back, you know, the fucking surgeon general's wearing a thong back walking down the street. How do you. And everyone's wearing wedgie, you know, stripper wedgies. How the fuck do you figure out who the hookers are in Brazil? Isn't everyone? I mean, how do you differentiate that?

[Brad Williams]

It's pretty much the ugly ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, they're, they're, they're the hookers. If they're, if they're on Copacabana beach and they, and they come up to you. Because I imagine that the hookers in Vegas probably had this same problem where like now it's kind of the point where you go to Vegas at night and you can't tell, right? Everyone's slutting it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's like, it's like. It used to be easy if you wanted to back in the day, like you're shooting a bat episode of Beretta, you needed a biker gang. Well, just find me a guy with a tattoo and a beard. But all you need was a guy. Find me a white guy with a tattoo. He's a biker for sure. He's got a beard now. Every fucking pussy's got a tattoo and a beard and whatever. Every hipster. We've all just become one thing.

[Brad Williams]

How pissed off are actual sluts on Halloween, right? Everyone's dressing up and they got of a bunch black bra on and they're saying, oh, I'm a slutty nun. It's like, come on, that's my territory. I supposed to be the whore.

[Adam Carolla]

So what's up? What? So they come up to you is in their ugly. Yeah. And what do they say?

[Brad Williams]

They mean, I. We must, they must have known that we were Americans just walking around like, we must just have that American vibe. I don't know what the American vibe is, but we must just be sweating it out because they would, they would come up and just start saying, you know, hey, 200 for a good night. 150 for a good night. And I don't know. And I would look at these hookers and in my head I'm going, I would pay 200 not to. Like, that's a good night to me. Like if, like I'm 30 and if you to. My idea of a good night is going home, seeing, you know, watching a movie on Netflix and beating off and going to bed. That's a great night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, also, as I've said, you know, the car wash charges extra for vans. I feel like you should get a break. Like if. Well, I'm just saying it's 150 bucks for Brad Williams and Ralphie May. You know, I mean, come on now. The car wash got it right.

[Brad Williams]

Well done.

[Adam Carolla]

Miata's cheaper than the van.

[Brad Williams]

Darn.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, I, I would offer a discount.

[Brad Williams]

That'S going into the. That's going into your next book.

[Adam Carolla]

A non group discount.

[Brad Williams]

Yes. Yeah, the same one. You would charge more. Is the same way you charge more for a gang bang. If a midgets plowing you and I use the word plow very generously. Yeah. We should absolutely get.

[Adam Carolla]

I would give you a break. I would.

[Brad Williams]

Us and Asians.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Brad Williams]

It's not gonna hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

I would give you a break.

[Brad Williams]

It's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

So there you are on the beach, a lot of hookers. Now how do you, how do you get rolled?

[Brad Williams]

Is that, is that slang for mugged?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Okay. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam is very street. I watch barrage. I understand. I know street talk. Rooster told me he's saying rolled.

[Brad Williams]

I'm like, I didn't take any ecstasy while I was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Rolled. That's what they do to you on the street when they take your watch.

[Brad Williams]

Well, and you would know being from North Hollywood High and all that that was coming home from a game in Manaus. And Manaus is a city that's right on the equator. So you're, you're. It's, it's pretty Much a ghetto that they decide to have this soccer games in. And they built the stadium from nothing. They couldn't even drive the parts there. They had to fly the parts of the stadium in and then have them come down the Amazon river. So it's really just a jungle that they decided to have a game.

[Adam Carolla]

How many stadiums? And by the way, my theory a few weeks back was the closer you are to the equator, the less shit you build.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, the less durable goods come out of your country.

[Brad Williams]

Sure, because it's hot and you got a beach and you're fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody on the equator builds a fine automobile. It just doesn't exist. Yeah, I don't know that the equator or anywhere near the equator produces a fine automobile.

[Brad Williams]

I think they go for the same philosophy with the hookers as well. Like the closest you get towards the.

[Adam Carolla]

Equator, I don't think you get a good washer dryer set out any place near the equator. Or refrigerator with a slide out freezer in the bottom drawer.

[Gina Grad]

A good parade.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Parades in hocus.

[Brad Williams]

But then you have the. The other line where you go so far away from the equator that it starts going in the other direction.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a sweet spot. There's a sweet spot you need the.

[Brad Williams]

Sweet spot of right in Michigan.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just cold enough to make some good cars.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But not. Not so hot that we want to go out and sun our asses on the beach.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we're.

[Brad Williams]

So we're coming home from this game and this guy, we're trying to wait for a cab, and this guy comes up and he must have seen me and thought like, well, it's like the gazelle with the limp, you know, I mean, like that. That's the one that I can get.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brad Williams]

Now, I don't know if he thought that I was gonna have a lot of money. Yeah, exactly. Like you're. Like you're going big game hunting. You know what I mean? Like, go out there. If you have a beagle's head on your wall and saying, yeah, shot that beagle from 100 yards. That's not very impressive.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I know there's a part where it's like, oh, they hit the old lady and took her purse away. And you go, well, that's not very noble. But they've given up dignity. They're criminals, you know, maybe they just want the easiest purse to grab. And if Brock Lesnar was standing there, they'd be like, we'll find an easier wallet to get than Brock's.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So Are you there with Kevin?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I'm there with Kevin.

[Adam Carolla]

Kevin's a decent sized guy. Guy.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. But they've gotten. They went on ahead to try to get a cab. So I'm like, kind of left by myself and I'm sort of wandering up, and this guy just sort of wrapped his arm around me like he was my buddy. And then he kind of whispers in my ear, and he kind of puts the gun up next to my rib cage and he just goes, hey, you know, give me your wallet, give me your phone. And thankfully, I had the fakes on the me.

[Adam Carolla]

You did get the bags?

[Brad Williams]

Yes. Oh, I got them. I had them ready. And I'm almost like that guy that's like, been. Been taking Brazilian jiu jitsu for like 30 years, and I'm just now getting into a fight. It's like I've been waiting for this moment how smiling as I got mugged because I knew I had the answer.

[Adam Carolla]

What is a cell phone worth on the brown market? Whatever they got over there. Yeah, the. The sort of caramel colored tan market over there. I mean, I just feel like, okay, if you have a brand new iPhone, that's. That's fine. But. Yeah, short of that. Is there that much? I don't know.

[Brad Williams]

But he wanted it, so I gave him my phone. And at the same time, I'm laughing because before I left, as soon as I knew that I was gonna have this fake wallet and the fake cell phone, I turned on this fake cell phone and I loaded it up with cock pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's great.

[Brad Williams]

Like, all my cock. So he has nothing but cell phone.

[Adam Carolla]

But dwarf cockpits and does, like, the wallet have the cardboard fake credit cards that come with a wallet?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, it had that. It had, like, pictures of the family that obviously wasn't mine. Like, they're black and stuff. And you're like, what.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this for those who are listening, who produce wallets for a living? We don't need the fake cardboard credit cards in there to purchase the wallet. That's what goes. Yeah, what do I do? Put a toaster oven in this guy? Goddamn thing. Like, what goes in this? I've never. You've never seen me trying to climb into one of those slots or go, jesus, what do I put road flares in here? Like, we get it, the credit card goes in there. We'll do that math. Thank you very much.

[Brad Williams]

I'll occasionally try to stuff a condom in there, but that math gets done very quickly.

[Adam Carolla]

Wallet should come with the fake cardboard condom. So it should you pull the wallet out?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he want to look inside the wallet?

[Brad Williams]

No. They're getting in, they're getting out. They don't want to get discovered because there was a large military presence there and a large police presence. They obviously did their job with me, so I just date. I just gave him the fakes and then he ran off and I'm just giddy and someone, like, walks up to me. It's like, what happened? You were just mugged, like, but he's got the fake.

[Adam Carolla]

He's gonna see dwarf cock pictures.

[Brad Williams]

And you're trying to explain that, like, in Portuguese. It was really weird.

[Adam Carolla]

What, the fake phone is actually a.

[Brad Williams]

Fake phone or just a cheap phone that's not yours? Phone. It's a phone that I've had for four years. Just like, when I got my new phone, I just kept this one. So they don't actually make fake phones for this? No, it should. Yeah. If you have an old phone or. I mean, you can go to, like, a cricket or something like that and get a phone for, like 20 bucks or something.

[Adam Carolla]

So fake phone, fake wallet. And then how many different stadiums did you go to?

[Brad Williams]

We went to four different stadiums. We went to Manaus, Recife, Belo Horizonte and Rio.

[Adam Carolla]

And what was the biggest, most. What was the most raucous crowd you went to by far?

[Brad Williams]

We saw Brazil play Chile in a knockout game, and Bel Horizonte sold out. And Brazil fans watching Brazil is most unreal experience. I saw so many grown men crying. Really, like, just like, with. And not even when something like, not even when the end result would happen. Like, if a guy would miss a pass, they would just wail like. Like a heavyset woman of color at a funeral. Just.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brad Williams]

And then they just start crying. And like, my team, my team, it was nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

What I. You know. Oh.

[Brad Williams]

And the best part is that everyone comes to these games dressed as the stereotype of their country. Country, which I love, because everyone says, you know, stereotypes are wrong. Don't do it, don't judge, whatever. Like, you go to a game with Germany. Oh, yeah, exactly. Like you go to games, you would see Germany. Everyone's in leader hose in. Mexicans have the bandolero and. And the sombrero on. Japan fans come dress as a car accident. It's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

And they clean up after themselves. At least the Japanese do. They did. And that sounds. Besides the mugging. And even the mugging was a nice mugging. Sounds pretty fucking magical. It was. And so how many days were you there for?

[Brad Williams]

We were there 10 days.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you have extended your stay if the US had not gotten knocked down?

[Brad Williams]

Kevin from Kevin and Bean show and my brother in law actually did. I had gigs to do. I went home and they stayed an extra day and. And watched USA get kicked out by Belgium.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. What just. And so your thoughts on the country overall?

[Brad Williams]

The country? Brazil.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I mean, you definitely saw the poverty lines in terms of the people in the favelas and the city structure. Like, we were on a bus coming back from one of the games and they had a flash flood and we had to stop and just. We couldn't move for three hours. We were stuck. We were stuck on the bus for three hours because they had a flash flood. We're seeing cars floating by and people like starting to do makeshift boats. And this happened in a matter of minutes because of being in the Amazon and everything. So, like, the nice parts Brazil are very nice. The, the hotel and where the tourists go was great. Copacabana beach in Rio is unbelievable. The Christ statue and all that, it's great. But there's definitely dramatic class differences. Like you make one turn and then it's just. It's not pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it sounds like a really fun and interesting trip. I've. I've hit the road with Kevin a couple times myself, and he's an easy guy to travel with.

[Brad Williams]

He is, he's great. He got absolutely wasted one night and that was.

[Adam Carolla]

I find him to be super boring to eat with. He's like, literally, like, he'd be like, is there kfc? And I'm like, come on, we're in Seattle. Let's go down to the fish market and go, there's no kfc. Like, he's that kind of. That kind of eater.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. I mean, he was happy with, like, we, like, we were like, oh, we gotta get some food one time before going to an airport. He's like, nah, they got food in the airport. And then we go to the airport and they literally just had cheese sandwiches and not the nice. This is in a restaurant in the airport. So we're like, oh, yeah, there's part.

[Adam Carolla]

Of me that kind of appreciates it. But when you're traveling, the food is half the. Half the allure and sampling the local cuisine and everything, and the guy's looking for the KFC always drives me nuts.

[Brad Williams]

To his credit, he ponied up one night and we went to this restaurant in Rio that was a seven course meal that was like. And we walk in and there's a guy putting whipped cream inside liquid nitrogen.

[Adam Carolla]

To like, make that dessert. Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

It was so good. And we're seeing this really expensive stuff all around. We're like, this is gonna be amazing. And so we sit down for the meal and they first bring out this tiny plate that has a small white disc on it. And we're like, okay, well, this is cool. And then they come with water and they pour it on the disc. And then the disc grows. It just grows right there. Like, oh, that's fucking sweet. And we're all looking at each other like, this is gonna be great. And I grab it and I pop it in my mouth. They're like, what's it taste like? I go, well, it tastes like a hot towel, because that's what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

We're so uncultured that we had the hot tower and we were just so anxious. And yes, they were laughing at me, but they were all about to do the same thing. So we. They couldn't really laugh at me. So I'm just chewing on hot towel.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I.

[Giovanni]

For our final clip today, Adam carolla show up. So 22:46, Rick Springfield, Vinnie Tordich, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2018.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Gina Grad.

[Rick Springfield]

Good day to you.

[Adam Carolla]

And bald Brian Veganuary. And it is Vinnie Tortorich back in studio. Hello.

[Rick Springfield]

How do you feel about Veganuary?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm liking it so much to get into with Vinnie. First things first. Yes. The Rick Springfield Jessie's girl story is one that Mike lynch remembers from one of the many times I went to Tijuana in my youth. We used to go places. There's something that I don't think my kids are gonna understand. I don't think they're gonna understand the part where all the folks who grew up or they'd go, we were in Buffalo, but the drinking age in Canada was 12. So we used to ride our big wheels over there. And it's like everyone had the. We couldn't do what we wanted to do here, but we definitely could go over there and we could go whoring was sure almost free over there. Like you. I don't think my kids are going to understand the concept of going over a county or going to the next whatever. It's going to seem very weird, right?

[Rick Springfield]

Grubhub didn't have it. But if you go on Postmates, right, that'll probably.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be their life. So we'd go to Tijuana because you could do whatever you wanted in Tijuana and you could do it at the age of 16. And I think the first time I went, I was 16, and then 17, 80. We'd go to Tijuana all the time. You know, the notion of 16, 17, sitting in a strip club, drinking a beer is pretty sweet. Pretty sweet. And one of the times we went to Tijuana, our schedule would be park at the border, take a cab into Revolution street, the main drag. Don't go to the strip bar because the strip bar was too expensive. The drinks were too expensive. Go to the. The watering hole dive, like off Revolution. Load up there, Load up there. And it was like a buck 50. A buck for like a high ball. Go get drunk there. Maybe buy a bottle and try to sneak it into. Oh, yeah, definitely buy a bottle and try to sneak it into. Because we got thrown out. We got thrown out for that. And then at some point, we'd end up at the taco bar, where one thing I liked about it over there is, is you just keep ordering tacos and you'd like, run up a tab. It's like, here. It's like, give me a taco, 99 cents. You know, it's like, I need to eat there. You just. You just kind of keep ordering tacos. They just keep a tab on it. And they had a jukebox. And we were drunk, and we decided we wanted to hear Jessie's Girl. And we decided we wanted to hear it 27 times. And we just kept buzzing. And the people are like. The locals were getting pissed. But, you know, when you're drunk, everything seems fun. Anytime you can annoy somebody, I'm loving it.

[Rick Springfield]

Not even better.

[Adam Carolla]

We. We got more enjoyment. Oh, my God, we got more. Yo, there's eight stuff right there. It's a picture. One guy's name is Steve. I didn't know him very well, but he had a car that ran. You had to get to Tijuana. Remember? He like, you needed a car that ran. And we couldn't get to Tijuana from driving the cars we had, which is probably no car. The picture is the guy, Steve, and I believe his girlfriend. And I don't know who the other chick is. Must be my friend. My other friend Carl. My other friend Robbie Ray. And then the guy at the very end is just a Marine who we just ran into in the streets and decided to be a good idea because they had. They had a base. All the Marines would go there, party, Mount San Diego. So we decide we'd party with those guys.

[Gina Grad]

Is everyone. Everyone in this room likes this song?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Rick Springfield]

Hell, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Good this is reflective of society because I'm the only one on earth who hates this song.

[Rick Springfield]

Oh, how dare you?

[Vinnie Tortorich]

And the chicks loved him. Wasn't he like a soap opera too?

[Rick Springfield]

Yes, I did. I did a bunch of five and under on General Hospital and the Christmas episode. He came in like a drunken Santa Claus and it was magnificent.

[Adam Carolla]

He's great. He's a fun guy.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

I have a question about that photo you just showed when you were young. Not that you're not a good looking dude now. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, but you were a good looking dude. But were you like slaying the women when you were a kid or. I know you talk about being poor and all that kind of stuff, but you had the looks, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Were you slaying the women and you.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Were a football player. I mean, by definition you. You're getting something, right? You.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I got nothing. Because I, I. No, I got, I got some, like.

[David Wild]

I'm not buying it.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Come on, Gina. You're looking at this photo, right? He's the hot guy in the photo here.

[Rick Springfield]

Correct. And actually, Natalia, Really? I can see her face in that picture.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Yeah, you just ruined it for me.

[Rick Springfield]

I'm sorry. But he had zero. He had less than zero self esteem. How was he going to pick up anybody?

[Vinnie Tortorich]

I had less than no self esteem. Yet somehow pussy would land in your lap from time to time. I mean, God love you by dint of being alive.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, so, so much. I think so much of that. Well, we've talked about this before.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

No, we haven't.

[Adam Carolla]

We talked about Vinny's mom being a.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Horror show, but that was about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Not with Vinny. But we have.

[Gina Grad]

Vinny started off with I'm not blowing smoke in the next four minutes where you were so good looking. I was terrified.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Come on, you saw you. So you're looking at the photo.

[Gina Grad]

He's the hot guy in the photo we're laughing at. To preface it with I'm not blowing smoke. But you are. Incredibly.

[Adam Carolla]

You're laughing at that he's saying his feelings toward me and blowing smoke and.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly what he was doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Blowing smoke. No, blowing smoke is when you're blowing smoke.

[Rick Springfield]

When you're disingenuous about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Like if Dylan goes up and kills it doing a standup set and I go, I'm not blowing smoke. That was a funny ass set. I'm not blowing smoke. I meant it.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

I see. You thought it was the opposite.

[Gina Grad]

No, I thought you were blowing smoke, but like looking good. Even if you are Looking good. The massage in the back, looking good today. But I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't think.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it was just.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sitting here saying, yeah, blowing smoke is this. I think blowing smoke is disingenuous. And that's why you have to say, I'm not blowing smoke. And then something good, I think. But we can look it up.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

We're past that.

[Adam Carolla]

So how.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

All right, you're. You're in the football team. You're a starter, right? I mean, you've told me that story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Tall, good looking guy.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Rick Springfield]

Talk about all the tail you brought.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

And now, you know, I'm looking at you in high school in the photo amongst your friends, including Ray, who you somehow, you know, you revel in the whole. Ray was a better athlete. I'm looking at the photo here. Ray is not getting laid with a stack of 50s taped his forehead in the cheap whorehouse.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, Thank God we're in a place that accepted 50s American currency. In a whorehouse. All right, here's the. Okay, so here's the thing. The thing is, I believe that your relationship to the opposite sex, or how you view yourself is something that gets kind of cemented in. Well, let's just say.

[Rick Springfield]

Not Brian Bishop.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just say. Let's break it into three parts. Let's break it into three parts.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I wanna break this down. Okay. The first part is just a nature je ne sais quoi. It. You know, some guys just have some personal momentum. You know, they just think of themselves this way. Like, some dogs have energy. Some dogs are kind of laid back. Like there's a third of it. That's just what is. It's who you are. You feel this way about yourself. Then there's the middle part, which is, how did your family get you to feel about you? Did you feel like you're worthy of love or attention, perfection or whatever? How did you feel about you? And then there's a third part, which is kind of reality. Like, hey, if you're 17 and you're Dolph Lundgren and maybe you didn't have a great motor, or maybe your family, but so many people came up to you and showered you with all this praise or tried to ask you out or whatever, that's a third part. So that's like sort of the nucleus.

[Rick Springfield]

Is you, then family, then society.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's what you're born with, with how you're led to feel about you and how others would view you. And then a certain. Then reality. Are you short, you're Danny DeVito. Or are you Dolph Lundgren? So my belief is that, look, if you're Dolph Lundgren, it'll sort itself out. It'll sort itself out. I was not Dolph Lundgren. I was attractive and tallish and played on the football team, but I was. I wasn't a hunk or heartthrob. I wasn't Rick Springfield. Right? So nobody was Rick. Whatever my reality was, it wasn't enough to undo whatever the world's reality was. It wasn't enough to undo what my parents did, which is, you're a zero. Why would anyone talk to you? Why would anyone listen to you or anything like that? You know, it's actually. I didn't. I didn't whack it up, but I had. Have I decided. Vinnie got me going. I decided because I knew I was riding for the Oscars again, and I decided to record me telling my mom. Jimmy was hosting the Oscars, and I was riding with the Oscars.

[Rick Springfield]

Finally being showered with praise.

[Adam Carolla]

Just do. So you guys could get. Now, I told you, if I start talking about myself or I start talking about cars or the Oscars or podcasting or whatever, whatever, she goes into, like, a sleep mode where she doesn't respond.

[Gina Grad]

It's not shut down, but it's sleep. It's like, you know, you want to save the battery for later.

[Adam Carolla]

She literally won't tolerate whatever it is you talk about. If you're talking about you or the Oscars or if it has to do with you, we can talk about other people or restaurants or whatever.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

I'm saying this now. Your mom never says, so, Adam, you're writing for the Oscars. Adam, I saw you on a late night.

[Rick Springfield]

Maybe that's what she'll say.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

At any point, does your mom ever say, oh, my God, we didn't think much of you, but, you know, smoke up your butt as your mother.

[Adam Carolla]

But pretty consistent about this. She's still around. Yeah, she's still around. Hence the recording. Okay.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

I don't know if she did it.

[Adam Carolla]

Last year, I sat on her grave like Madonna. So she.

[Rick Springfield]

She never responded.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I'll see now, Chris, you just have the one. Now we're just sitting across from each other in a living room. And you can just go to the part we were talking about her and the neighbors, and there's this neighbor family who I haven't seen, and they moved out when I was nine, but all we do is talk about them. It's a weird sort of Lingering thing to talk about. And so the thing is the kind of, the rule is you can talk about stuff as long as the stuff doesn't have to do with you personally. Like, you can say we're traveling to Italy and then we can talk about Italy, like Italy or traveling, but we can't talk about you or the way things you like or the stuff you're doing. But we'll talk about that. And it's kind of. It's an interesting thing, but I'll let you hear. Let's see, where do you want to pick it up from?

[Brad Williams]

We could start off with the furniture one, just to set the stage of how you guys speak.

[Adam Carolla]

So what we do is we sit around, we talk about nothing. Just like, what's going on? Oh, we're getting. So she was getting her furniture painted. How's the house doing? Sitting here, doing some work done. Yeah, actually the furniture in Helen and Lance's room was, if you remember, it's kind of a dull grayish color and it's pretty old, hasn't been painted in a long time. And my cleaning lady's son in law is a painter and so he's. Well, and we should do our own show on like ESPN Hot Takes. You know, we literally just talk about like, literally like 25 furniture that's being repainted and stuff. We don't talk about Oscars.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

So you're just talking around stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you'll. We'll get to the part eventually.

[Gina Grad]

We want to talk about an Adirondack.

[Adam Carolla]

That needs a paint job. We're talking about the one in the living room. What are you up to? But I'm sorry. How's the house doing? Go back. Doing some work then? Yeah, we just rewound the whole thing, actually. The fern.

[Gina Grad]

Well, she. While they're looking for that most telling thing so far, when she was talking about her mom and stepdad's room. Right. Helen and Lotsi called them Helen and Lotsi. Her mom. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Her mom, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Wow, that's odd.

[Adam Carolla]

I said to her mom, I said to the mom, I said to grandma Helen, when she was alive, I said, your daughter calls you Helen Helen, not mom. Is that something that bothers you? And she went, why? And I said, wouldn't you like in front of other people and stuff where they call you by, call you Helen? And she's like, you're like, no, that doesn't.

[Gina Grad]

It's my name.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't bother me.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

That's her real mom. Like, I'm a stepdad. So Tallulah Calls me Vinnie. You know, she's not gonna call me.

[Adam Carolla]

Her mom is her mom.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

It's Kelly, that's her mom, and she calls her Helen.

[Adam Carolla]

That does not. Does not. That's a little peek behind the curtain of their relationship. Yeah. Also, she's living in her room. She's living in her room. I don't know how many of us are gonna.

[Brad Williams]

Helen's room.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

I want to take you on a long hike one day where we just. I need to hear this whole deal.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll let you go ahead. What else this week? So what's new with you besides climbing this exciting house?

[Brad Williams]

Working.

[Adam Carolla]

Started writing for the Oscars for the actors. For the Oscars? For the what? The Oscars, the TV show. Oh. Oh, you writing for the Oscars? Yes. Oh, have you done that before? I wasn't aware of that. Yeah, I did it last year. Oh, now, hold on. The reason she's not aware of it is cause we only dedicated 12 seconds to it last year.

[Rick Springfield]

That's all she allowed.

[Adam Carolla]

She said, I'm riding the Oscars. And she went, all right. And we moved on. So it doesn't register. Like any conversation you had a year ago that was 11 seconds long. It doesn't register. That's the thing. I talk to my mom and my dad. It's like I wrote for the Oscars. All right, okay. All right. Moving on. Let's move furniture.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

My mother would literally start every conversation with, my name is Marie. My son wrote for the Oscar. Oscars. Taught her it. Yeah, well, that's the way it would start.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Well, maybe it's gonna. Well, now we found out. So now. Now we know Jimmy's hosting and I'm writing, so we'll see. Maybe it'll take off from here. I did it last year. Oh, so do you write for just certain people? That's right. For the host. Jimmy's hosting the show and doing a podcast and working on the race cars, and I do a lot of car related stuff, and it's a lot about a lot of car stuff, actually.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

She's beating you down at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

She's not talking talking anymore. That's about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Just.

[Adam Carolla]

Podcasts, cars, Oscars, and a little travel. Some stuff. Not too much. You went out of town last week. So when we're done with Oscar's Paul Newman race cars and podcast, she just stops. She'll stop talking until you're done.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Do you hear what happened to you? You. You're listening right now. You were just listening to your mom's Side of it, you're a guy that never shuts up, right? Your mother, with no words, beat you into submission. You were nine years old again. You were sitting there going, you accept defeat.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't try. I don't try to talk. I don't know. I never try to talk. I don't try to talk in front of her because you talk. You'll just be like, might as well just go find a bus stop and talk. Talk to yourself. Like, you'll, You'll. What happens is you go, hey, I got a Paul Newman race car. I got it at an auction. I'm gonna race it. You end up talking yourself. And it's kind of embarrassing or weird.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Saying that stuff doesn't. She said, I'm riding for Jimmy. And she literally goes, uh huh. And as soon as she did that, your whole demeanor in the conversation goes away. You're like. Like wind is out of your sister.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I know we're not gonna talk. I know we'll never talk.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

You've given up. It was like you gave up.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't. I gave up a million years ago. We're never gonna talk about. We're never gonna talk about race. Caution.

[Rick Springfield]

You mentioned the bus stop, which is so interesting because my first thought was, if I didn't know you and had to guess the relationship you had with this person, it would be, no offense, but a senile elderly person that you met at a busy stop.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Rick Springfield]

That is the. That is as close as the relationship sounds.

[Adam Carolla]

I will say that I have. I have never. There are many. You know, I'll put to you this way. I've never met a stranger. If I. Ironically, if you said to a stranger, I'm writing for the Oscars, they have questions. If you have a stranger. I own Paul Newman's $5 million. 935 from the mom going race. They have questions. My family has no questions about anything.

[Gina Grad]

Including nature, including the word Oscars at the end spoken by you. I clocked it at about 17 and a half seconds of Oscar talk. At this rate, when your tenth year of writing for the Oscars, you'll be up to a good minute of talking to your mom about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Combined, it'll get to a minute. Now, the thing that's funny is she likes the Oscars. She doesn't. She did. She did. She did. Jimmy, I think we're. She had the better people, so. So if you grow up in that. And by the way, they were worse when I was nine. They're better now. So if you Grow up in that. Then you have no sense of any. It's not low. Oh, it probably is low self. You have no sense of anything. Basically, my thought was, why would anyone either be attracted to you or listen to you or want to hear what you had to say or anything? I never experienced anyone go, ooh, that's good one tell. They'll write that down or tell it again or whatever it is. It's such a. It's just a void. It's just a complete. I grew up in this complete nothingness. Like. Well, we. Whatever you just heard, that's what I. Right. That's where I grew up in.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

But at some point, you. You got off your ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

And you. You made something of yourself. You ended up on radio. First time I heard you, you were on LA radio, taking over for hours to.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

You don't just waltz into that. Obviously you had something going for you. You did something at some point to get you to that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Vinny, you'd make good therapy. Yeah, I did. I just went, look, these people. There's something. At a certain point, I just went, there's something wrong with these people.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And unfortunately, they grafted a little of that onto you, but you're gonna have to go get as much distance. First off, they're all dead to you. Like, you're not gonna get a thing. Like, they're, you know, you're not gonna forget about Oscar talk. You're not getting any money, you're not getting. You're not going to college. You know, there's nothing here.

[Rick Springfield]

Whatever they bequeath you would end up being a liability.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all gone. It's all. There's nothing. There's nothing there. There's some freshly painted dresser. That's about it. So first things first. None of these people are gonna do anything for you at all, right? So now, that being said, go ahead and move on. Let's go ahead and figure it out. Let's go ahead and figure out what you're good at. Figure out what your strengths are, your weaknesses. Get some therapy, work some Saturdays, take some groundlings classes, and just move on.

[Rick Springfield]

Know that you're gonna be living without a net.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Mm. Now I'm living with Lynette. Yeah, that's true.

[Rick Springfield]

From Annette to Lynette, do net of Lynette.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

So, all right, you're the most confusing human being on the planet. So is that why you couldn't get laid when you were in Tijuana?

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know. I didn't.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

Full circle yeah, I'm coming full circle. I'm trying to figure out.

[Adam Carolla]

I had no. I couldn't figure out. I couldn't think of a good reason why any female would have any interest in me at all. Because it was probably based on just my upbringing. I just. I had. It didn't make sense to me that a woman would take an interest or be attracted or want to spend time with sexually or not. Like, it literally makes sense to me.

[Rick Springfield]

Yeah. You'd never known a woman in your life that had had any interest in you, including, and specifically your.

[Adam Carolla]

Grandmother was. See, my grandmother was more proactive. Like my grandmother would say, you know, if I said Jimmy Kimmel was hosting the Oscars for abc, she'd say something like, well, if you're on the network, I guess you gotta do what they tell you to do. You know, she'd say, she'd spin it into. And I'd say, no, it's a real honor that they asked. And she'd like go, Ellen. One year Ellen hosted was awesome.

[Gina Grad]

I wonder how many people said no.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know Ellen? Yeah, like, that she would. So my grandma was proactive. My mother learned from my grandmother probably not to be proactive. So she just went. She goes flat. She completely flatlines. And the funniest. The thing that always cracks me up about not remembering because you don't remember the stuff that you completely. If Vinnie said, hey, if you said, two minutes from now, hey, Adam, I have some news I want to share with you about 100 mile run I'm doing. I went, I want to talk about sports cars a year from now. If you came to me and said, hey, remember the 100 mile run? I'd go, no, why would you? I don't remember the hundred mile run because I just sort of stifled you and we moved on to something else. It's a very interesting thing, which was. So I saw it in action with a sort of a. The tag team, my mom and my grandma, many years ago at a Thai food place. Place for like grandma's 85th birthday or something. And I told the story, but Vinny will hear it. And it's a good Feast of San Gennaro story. So I have learned not to discuss anything with my parents, especially anything of merit. You can talk about travel, you can talk about refinishing furniture generally. You can talk about generally. But you can't talk about winning races or writing for the Oscars or doing a podcast or you can't talk about that stuff because that has to do with you. And it's merit based. And especially if you're doing well at it, then there's really an issue with it. So we can't. So we'll just talk about other things. All right, so it's Take that tune. Our own Matt the porcelain punisher Fondelier came up with the bit. And we're going to play an intro. Yes. All right, I'm gonna try to work this one out. It's a little bit complicated. I can. I can. I can filibust here for a second. All right, we're gonna play new. Newish, Poppish. I got my bell. Oh, we're gonna explain everything. All right, go ahead. Oh, so this is the first time this has been done. First time. Thanks for being here. Gosh, I thought this was like an old thing. All right, I'm glad to be part of his history. It's time for take that tune, the.

[Ace]

Game where we see how long Adam.

[Brad Williams]

Can stand listening to the auto tuned.

[Ace]

Bullshit that some people call music. Now let's see how long Adam can take that tune. All right, so each round we're gonna play 60 seconds of a Billboard chart topping smash hit. Now before the show, Brian, Gina and and Rick have guessed how many seconds of the 60 Adam could last before you have to ring the bell to stop the song. All right, Adam does not know their guesses or the songs will be scoring this like the rotten tomatoes game. Ace, please remove your headphones for a second.

[Rick Springfield]

All right, coming off, going into the silent booth.

[Gina Grad]

So Adam's gonna tap out at some point.

[Ace]

The first song is the current number one Billboard song. It's called Havana by Camilla Co Cabello featuring Young Thug. Brian guessed 50 seconds. Gina guest 40 seconds. Rick said the entire 60. Go ahead and add his camera back on.

[Rick Springfield]

Headphones back on.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys know him better than I do, though.

[Rick Springfield]

Yeah, but you get the vibe.

[Adam Carolla]

I will tell you this. I am done with all the auto tuning stuff. I'm done with nobody playing an instrument. I get it done with all the. Just press the bottom button. The. The DJs drive me nuts because they press a button and then they walk in front of their computer and then jump up and down and spray silly string into the crowd. You're not a musician. I know. It's incredible. The DJ thing is amazing. It bothers me.

[Gina Grad]

And that's Rick's new act actually on the 80s cruise will be doing that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm gonna go see John Hyde at the Canyon club on Saturday night. That's. We heard you're a John Hyde. That would Be me. I like the singer, songwriter. And lest anyone think I'm uptight, I like any. Look, when Hanson came in here and did oombop and they did their acoustic version, it blew me away. Like, they were fantastic. Their harmonies were great. They were playing their own stuff. They sounded great. You know, I'm down with all the gal singers. I'm down with anyone who is singing and. Or playing an instrument in the middle of it. Right, That's. That's. That. That's not musicianship, but. All right, here we go. All right. Somebody playing the piano. Promise is. I love Fast and furious movies, and this is in every single one of them.

[Ace]

Oh, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something like it is in every single.

[Gina Grad]

The camera comes down.

[Adam Carolla]

I picture chick's ass shaking. There it is. I got no problem with this. Thank you. I got no problem with it. She can still sing. She can sing. Somebody playing a piano. Exactly. You guys picked a song that I don't know.

[Rick Springfield]

This has been number one for weeks.

[Gina Grad]

We figured that something.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, okay. Well, if you pick and go in the distance, this song will go the distance. She knows how to sing. I mean, it's. It's overly produced, but she knows how to sing. It's its own kind of genre. And somebody. I don't know if they. I don't know if it's sample. Somebody's playing the piano. So, Chrissy, it sounds. It sounds authentic.

[Gina Grad]

Chrissy, my wife listens to all these songs, and we heard these clips last night as I'm predicting how long Adam's gonna listen, and she's like, this is gonna be fine for 60 seconds. Because this song. Once you've heard 60 seconds, this song goes on forever. And it's just this. So it's annoying. It's long.

[Rick Springfield]

Until the dude comes in and re explains it in a rap that he would have hated.

[Gina Grad]

But those 60 seconds are.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Ace]

That was Havana by Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug.

[Adam Carolla]

Point out that the very first one.

[Ace]

I won, Rick Springfield said all 60 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Oh, see, you think. You think these two would know better, but turns out, Rick.

[Ace]

What can't he do? Yes, please take off your headphones.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna just. I'm gonna click my headphones off so I don't hear any bleed through.

[Rick Springfield]

Do a little camp 10 raises.

[Ace]

This next song was number one this week in 2006. It's called Grills by Nelly featuring Paul Wall, Ollie, and gip. Brian said 18 seconds. Gina said 18 seconds. Rick said said five seconds.

[Rick Springfield]

All right, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here we go. Let me click it on. Sorry. Okay. He about to start an epidemic with this one. Yeah, I know what this is.

[Gina Grad]

Springfield for the dominating win.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing there. That's just you wanting to be a musician.

[Ace]

That was Grills by Nelly featuring Paul Wall, Ollie, and Gip.

[Adam Carolla]

Most of the stuff where it's like you. You. Where they just kind of or are pointing at someone in the audience. Like, you sing it now. Like, I'm always a city. Htab. Yep. Yeah.

[Rick Springfield]

How long is that?

[Adam Carolla]

How long is that? Eventually. I'm sorry. Eventually, somebody's going to smarten up and do the part. Like right now, you got Kanye west and all these guys that point at the ceiling, but then Kanye also points to the audience if they're smart. Someone incorporate both points. Like, just pick one hand. He has two hands. Put one on the ceiling and one out in the audience. And then you don't have to do anything. The audience will sing all the songs, and then God will just sort of take care of the rest. Like, you got two hands. Use a mic stand. He should use. Kanye should use a mic stand so he could free up the other hand to point at the ceiling. He makes a mistake. He uses his right hand. He points at the ceiling, and then he points at the audience with the same hand. You can't do them both at the same time. Get a mic stand and point them both. You won't have to do anything. All right. Sorry.

[Ace]

On that song, Brian and Gina both guessed 18 seconds. Rick came in at five seconds. Actual listening time, 12 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

My math was not good. Who won seven and they won.

[Ace]

You're still uncomfortable.

[Rick Springfield]

You're just fine, Rick.

[Gina Grad]

It's a cumulative.

[Adam Carolla]

We're combining. We're combining the second. You have elite, this is golf. All right, all right.

[Ace]

Please disengage your camera.

[Rick Springfield]

Take them off.

[Ace]

This next song was number one in 2012 this week. It's called grenade by Bruno Mars. Brian said 60, Gina said 32, and Rick says 30 seconds.

[Rick Springfield]

Oh, okay, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Easy come, easy go. That's just how you live all day? Take it all but you never give? Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss? Had your eyes wide open why would they open? Gave you all I had? And you tossed it in the trash? You tossed it in the trash. You did. To give me all your love is all I ever asked? Cause watch your tornado understand inside catch a grenade, oh, yeah? Throw my hand on a blade? Oh, yeah? I jump in front of a tree for you? You know I do anything. Oh yeah. I go the distance on this one. I go the distance and you're done. Game changer. That's a game changer. The guy or girl can sing.

[Rick Springfield]

Shim can sing.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the drum machine would throw you, but okay. I should have maybe waited for the drums to kick in. The person could sing. Yeah, sure can. I felt they had chops in the singing department. I. You know, he'd jump on the grenade, he'd put his hand on the blade.

[Rick Springfield]

You celebrate his whole catalog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I love now I don't. But I didn't know who that was, but I knew he or she could sing.

[Ace]

The artist is Bruno Mars. The song is Grenade. Brian said all 60 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the military theme.

[Ace]

Gina said 32, Rick said 30.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh boy.

[Ace]

Round three. Next song was number one this week in 2013. It's Timber by Pitbull featuring Keisha.

[Gina Grad]

Now we're talking.

[Rick Springfield]

Okay, you can put them on.

[Adam Carolla]

It's going down. I'm yelling timber. You better move, you better dance. Let's make a night you won't remember. I'll be the one you won't forget. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. You got me. Oh, that was Pitbull. Okay. You got it started with the harmonica and that kind of. That made it okay for me. I thought that was kind of interesting. And then the singing wasn't great, but it was all right. And then the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Like, you know, you can't. That is so fucked out. You can't start anything with that. Now the thing that song I knew because I go to a gym in La Canada that's only inhabited by 60 something year old Asian women and white dudes that are 50 plus and they just pump this shit all over the place. And one day I'm going to. But it's one of those gyms where you get your own key and no one's ever there. And I go at 9:30 at night and. And this stuff's pumping. One day I'll figure it out and clear some time I schedule to go explain to all assholes who run gyms and who run sports bars and who run anything. Stop pumping in shit. Music from Pitbull. There's a size up the crowd. It's literally 50 something year old white dudes and middle aged Asian women and that's it. And everyone's got their earbuds in because they don't want to hear this shit. And you got to pump it in all day every day because I have A gym. I have to pump in shitty music. I have to. There's a. There's a bylaw, there's a code that says if you'd like to open a gym, forget about where the gym is or who's going into the gym. I'm not just pumping shitty music. Just like you go to a sports bar. Yeah, that's. That's it. So I put my earbuds in, I have to turn up my shit to.

[Gina Grad]

Try to drown out the Rex Springfield, just to tune out.

[Rick Springfield]

Thank you again.

[Ace]

That was Timber by Pit Bull featuring Keisha. Rick said you'd listen for 10 seconds. Gina said 15 seconds. Brian said 45 seconds. Actual listening time, 43 seconds. We have one more.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, don't fumble. Oh, hey, can I say one other thing about the gym? There's also four TV sets. Now, one of them just plays Shark Tank. And I got no qualms with that one. But although it's hard with no sound to really figure out what the heck is going on with Shark Tank. But I still find myself watching it going, is that a mother daughter team or is that one chick just a lot hotter? Like there's a lot of that. Shark Tank with the sound down is kind of its whole new thing. Yeah, there's one tank. There's one TV that shows Shark Tank. There's four walls, four TVs. Okay, so if you're facing this way, you're watching Shark Tank, but that's where the locker cubby holes are. There's no action on the Shark Tank set. Now all the treadmills face the other TV set, the other TV set, the good TV set is behind the treadmills where the barbells are. And that shows the best thing you can watch without sound or out without any kind of coached up or familiarity with the show or I'm not a fan of Stranger Things, so I don't know who that character is or any of that downhill screen. They have downhill skiing, it's like Winter Olympics X Games or whatever. You need to know nothing about anything and you sound hurts. Downhill skiing, it's actually better to watch with Pitbull pumping and you're just watching him just shushing and busting. Oh, he's airborne now. It's like that's the greatest thing ever. But they put that on the set behind you because they have some weird rule, which is you couldn't just put downhill skiing on all four sets, which you should be because nobody. So the set that I have on my treadmill because the little TV in The treadmill doesn. Like, people sweat it on the remote too much. And it's just. It's on channel with, you know, it's on antenna Z. And it won't go back to whatever. I have to look up what's on my tv. An episode of Bull. What? Bull. It's like. It's a. It's a attorney drama. Cop. You know, it's. It's Bull this way. All new. All new season of Bull. You know, it's just that guy from Bull, and he's in a court pontificating, but there's nothing you could get out of there. You. First off, no one likes that show, but secondly, if you loved Bull, you'd be wildly disappointed because there's no sound coming out of it. It's literally just watching guy in a courtroom in a nice suit pontificate. And behind me is the downhill skiing. So I find myself watching the reflection of the glass of the TV that's behind me. Don't you think there should be some sort of monitor czar who goes, no one wants an episode of Ball, not with the treadmills. Let's put whatever the sports event is, Whatever. If there's a hockey game on, if there's a downhill skiing, like, that's put on all four sets.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you're watching the mirror. It's uphill skiing. Oh, and if you're watching with pit bull, the line the hard. The bigger they are, the harder they fall would actually make sense.

[Adam Carolla]

The one time I am, I'm gonna one day do a survey of every human being I see in that gym, and it's going to be called what's in your earbuds? And it'll be none of the 25 pop songs they pump through there. There will not be one human being that has that on their phone or on their listening device. It will. It's impossible.

[Gina Grad]

Not from that group podcast, I'm sure.

[Rick Springfield]

Bob Seeger.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, Gloves. Oh, wait.

[Ace]

Final song. Please remove your headphones.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Ace]

Okay. Back in 2012, this was the number one song. It's called we found love in a hopeless place. Place by Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris. Brian said 25 seconds, Gina said 11 seconds, and Rick said 15 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm out.

[Vinnie Tortorich]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I would never go any further with that song.

[David Wild]

Brand.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I.

[Rick Springfield]

There's no way it could go any farther.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Ace.

[Ace]

That was called we found love in a hopeless place by Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris. Brian said 25 seconds, Gina said 11, and Rick said 15 seconds. Total listening time, five seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I gotta say, if you're gonna get out of the gate, even if you sample someone else playing the piano and you can sing a little bit, I'll. I'll hang with you. But if you're gonna get out with that like, staccato sort of tinny nothingness, then I'm out.

[Ace]

So lowest score wins like the Rotten tomatoes. Game.

[Adam Carolla]

Game.

[Ace]

Gina wasted an extra 88 seconds of your life. She would have had you listen for that much longer. Leaving Rick and Brian. Which one knows more about music? Rick Springfield was 75 seconds out.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ace]

Not bad. Good showing. Bald Brian. Considerably less than that. 33 seconds.

[Rick Springfield]

Look at you in tune.

[Brad Williams]

And that does include the -5 for everyone who got it on the. On the dot too. Just because that's how my spreadsheet works.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well. Unfair advantage. Unfair advantage.

[Rick Springfield]

Adam, could I offer you.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, did anyone get one on the dot?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, Rick had the first one you listened to for 60 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, on the dot. Just the distance. Sorry. Yeah, go ahead.

[Ace]

Wow, that was garbage. I can't believe how long he listened.

[Adam Carolla]

To that dog shit.

[Ace]

Come back next time for more.

[Adam Carolla]

Take that tune, Gina.

[Rick Springfield]

I'd like to offer a palate cleanser, if I may. I don't know if you want to tease it or want to get into it, but this is going around Facebook and viral like crazy right now. And this is a clip of the Eagles backstage. This is from a documentary, Seven Bridges Road. Yeah, this clip specifically is so fucking incredible. Zero auto tune, obviously. And it's so beautiful. Listen to this.

[Adam Carolla]

There are stars in the southern sky.

[Brad Williams]

Southward as you go.

[Adam Carolla]

There is moonlight and moss in the.

[Brad Williams]

Trees down the seven.

[Adam Carolla]

Bridges Ro. That's how you do that. That's how you do it. And that's what my argument is always if you can do that, then you do do that. And if you can't do that, then you become pit bull and you fool a bunch of dumb people. That's how it works. All right. And you can never convince me any other one.

[Giovanni]

Alright, that's adam colet show 22:46 with a great video tortoise along with Flick Springfield. That does it for today's Coral Classics. Until next time. Time help and get it on.