Adam Carolla (0:00)

Well, we're on a holiday break, but enjoy Corolla Classics until we return. Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast with play, the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics. The ad free archives are exclusively available through Adam Corolla's substack. For today's clips, we have adam Carolla show 2000. The try guys, Gina grad and Brian Bishop. This one's from February of 2017. It's a premiere of a very famous song. Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to substack and there's an ad free audio and video game version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS Live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Corland Dr. Drew Show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be Jay Mohr. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring you subscribe now@adamcarolla.com substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substitute. There's an electricity in the air today. Yeah, man, that's why my hair's a mess. Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you and Baldbryan. Congratulations, everyone. I want to say this. Things in life creep along. We're getting heavy and they happen very gradually. And the very gradual part is the part that makes it difficult to wrap your mind around or understand the person who you see on a daily basis who loses 80 pounds. That's understandable, but never jarring. It's that same person you haven't seen since last year. And then you see them. Oh, my God, the weight. Yeah. What happened? What happened? It's amazing. Oh, great. It just elicits a different response because it's all at once versus the very slow. I've lost four pounds a week for the last 17 weeks and now here we are. So that never really gets any response because sometimes it gets it looking good or whatever, but it doesn't really get. Not from the day in and day out because those people see every day. Hard to tell. And it's a human thing. What we've been able to do here and come to a place and come to a studio. I had to. As I was floating around in my freezing cold pool the other day and looking at Philly Cheesesteak, who does this great move, which is he gets on the. He gets on the side of the pool and looks down at me like, hey, I'm not fucking nuts. I'm not going in there. Like I have a 3 IQ, but I'm still not going in there. But he's all jowl when he looks down at me. You don't get that POV of your dog that often. Or hopefully if you do, you've used plenty of water soluble lube that'll come off in the pool. But that dog just looking down, his jowls start surrounding his eye sockets, which is funny. When the jowls spill up into the eyes and he just looks at me and he does this weird move where he takes one paw and he just puts it out. Not really. He's not sure what he's getting out of it. He's not sure what he's doing. Are we high fiving? Is he trying to pull me in? I don't have anything he needs. He just does a thing with his paw. Is there a little bit of like, is he okay? Should I check him to make sure he's moving? I wish there's not. But I was just floating in my freezing cold pool and I was thinking to myself, you know, you've been able to carve out a life where you have a warehouse, where you built a studio in your warehouse. You've surrounded yourself with people you want to work with, with, and you get to go in there every day and that's your job. And I was thinking, that is insane. That's an insane notion. I mean, look, it's insane enough that you're able to get a job on Spike TV or you get a job on whatever radio station or whatever that is. But the idea that you just get to go to that warehouse you bought to put a couple of cars in back in the day and go sit in your studio and talk into your microphone as a job is pretty outrageous. Now it's been done incrementally and for so long that it doesn't feel like it would feel if I was just in high school or swinging a hammer or whatever it was my former life was, if I just woke up here, it'd be like, oh my God, this is insane. And it's important, I think, for everybody to sort of see if you can dunk yourself in the freezing, frigid waters of life every once in a while and think, wait a minute, here I am. Look at this. I mean, it's so easy to. With the kids and the schedule and everything, to have everything just kind of pass you by. Where at the, you know, we're capable as humans of marveling at, you know, you took me. Take me in TiVo or DVR. I went from. Wait a minute, you can't stop TV. You can't pause a live show. That's God. I'm not a warlock. That's alchemy. You can't do this stuff. How do you do it to. Jesus Christ? I recorded the goddamn playoff game, but didn't do the spillover. I didn't see the fourth quarter. I didn't see the last three minutes of fourth quarter. Now I'm ripped. Yet that's what we're able to do as human beings from the. Oh, my God, I could have traded a five year old DVR to Elvis for his house in 1975. Yep, possibly two of them. Possibly two of us. Yes. And a couple of his lady friends. But now I'm yelling at mine because it wasn't smart enough or I wasn't smart enough to hit the extend and record the rest of the fourth quarter of a football game. So that's where we're at. I am going to tell you right now that I do appreciate this, that I do think about this, that I realize that it can't be done without you guys, and it can't be done without the sharing. I took Philly Cheesesteak for a walk on Friday night when everybody was somewhere other than home, and. And I just called the guy Matt from Chicago, who had lost his dad and his sister in the plane crash. And we had nice chat. And he's 24 and my God, I mean, you know, talking to him about his tool room and him and his dad had his tool room, and they had the tool room in the basement. And I was asking him what he had and he did this part where he said, we have a band saw. There's a band saw. But we, we have to put it. I have to put it together. It's still in the box kind of thing. And I sort of realized, oh, he got that while his dad was around and they had planned on putting it together and using it, but we had a very nice conversation. Well, it meant a lot to him that you called well, it meant a lot to me because I sang our fans. He said, oh, we saw you in Chicago, and we saw you doing stand up, and we saw you doing live podcasts. I took my dad, my dad took me. Whatever it is, that's why we're here. And we never lose sight of that. So I want to thank all of you for listening for all these years and being a part of these 2,000 episodes. So I appreciate it. And now we'll move Forward with our 2,000th episode. Let's see, we got our Rich Banks song, Gary. Brian has it. I do. All right. I have not heard it. I have not either. Let's check it out. Let's give it a listen. This could be the beginning of something great. Or it could be painful, humiliating. 20 minutes. Let me tell you about first off, I gotta say this. I'm nervous. I don't know why, but I've never done this before. Jimmy Kimmel Pets on plane Adam's magic crystal brain Backup beavers Brian's cancer Lazy hippie mom Seth MacFarlane Gavin Newsom asshole patent trollers sue and Brian Cranston Brian Bishop both spelled with a Y Blah blah blah Ken Burns at your T no red turn turns Jay Moore the death rat guy Bryan Cranston does gay eye no more showers hygiene he pissed off the Philippines Alec Baldwin reeled Hoffer darned his ride Goodbye he's done 2,000 podcasts and you keep complaining and you're never WANING he's done 2,000 podcasts and he'll keep on going Cause it's hard he's blowing Oval power makes you sick 50 years we'll all be chicks Max of that A half tart Gary Jerkin on a flight Vince Dog Dr. Spaz Richard Martin and white jazz Larry Miller's road trips Occupy Wall Street K Rock Road hot Newman's got a winning duck Fond of lyrics dropping turds Harlin Williams doing birds Drosser we can rage podcast on a cruise ship Endless ramped IPA tournament Rose comprehensive Keep complaining and you're never waning Easter there could be 10 more versions Marty Lang August looks like Katie Lang Rich Banks genius tits who the fuck sells the shit? Garrett Ghost doctor Drew David Wild ball Chew Lackey stole his microbrew Elliot cool interview My God. Sonny Bono, Yoko, Beastie Boys Holler notes Buell Howser Mike Ro May or Villa Ritardo Dawson President me made up peanut allergies Retards at the Huff Pole Kevin Smith's an asshole he's the 2000 pod wow. And you Keep complaining and you're never waning Easter 2000 podcasts and you'll keep on going cause it's hard it's blowing Albert Brooks has best guest Lynette kicked off Southwest Molly, Philly, big mama got it all Sunny and Natalia not Taco Bell material Old up cheap calls chain smoking baby doll no beer in first class Dag ass Teddy Pendergrass dft not jv what else do you want from me? I hope it goes another hour. Yeah, me too. Easton. 2000 podcasts and they'll keep on going cause it's heart it's blowing Tab on tour bungalow sue definitely not a Jew Rich man, poor man Bollywood Kaelin taxes fair share Jeff Ross, Rose Eisen and the dope post Guinness record from Gervais Celebrity apprentice made a movie favorite tweets, red bracelet for eating beats do his best, not your best Window of negligence he sold out Seattle's more man Grias in your liquor store what can he's complain about? Mama's chanting freak out he's the 2000 podcasts and you keep complaining and you're never WANING he's the 2000 podcasts and if the mics were gone we'd still get it on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Yeah. Rich Banks with I'm guessing an assist from Mike Lynch. That is their opus. That was amazing. Absolutely amazing. We should play that on stage in Fresno. Love that. That bears repeated listening. There's a lot. I need to unpack that song. Yeah. All right. This is Adam Carolla show episode 2000. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla show episode 2967. December 2020. Gina Gratt, Brian Bishop. 14th annual ACE Awards the COVID year. This is Gina's sixth year doing the ACE Awards, the longest running run any news girl has had as a member of CAST and the most appearances on any ACE Awards ever. Oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescenta renting a house, keeping that Isuzu trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in stock either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. Need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well. Get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts, one stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car in store online, you can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam from the historic Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, it's the 2020 ACE Awards celebrating the very best of the Adam Carolla show this year featuring socially distant trophy girl Gina, grad and quarantined seat filler bald Brian. And now your host, Adam Carolla. Well, this is a day we all looked forward to. It's our ACE Awards. Glad to say we're doing this, I guess for the 11th year. I always screw up the math, but we're coming into our 12th. So there's a radio days, right? We did this a few times in the radio, I guess. So maybe we're on our 13th. We've done it since 2006. We missed one year when you began the podcast. During the war. During the war, right. Never forget it. All right, so we got a ton of material here. So we're going to try to limit ourselves for our in between cross talk. But I always find myself inspired and I already made a note on our first, our first segment, which is a best invention but we'll roll right into it and I'll see if I can keep the show under three hours. Here we go. The nominees for best invention are low self esteem porn. You know what they should do every once in a while? They should have low self esteem porn because I have low self esteem. And it'd be a situation where like the stepmom walked in and the 17 year old was beating off and then she went, oh, okay, I'm gonna go make an omelet. She shut the door and I just watched him finish, you know Just to keep it real, you know what I mean? So I know. So I believe the next one I see. You know what I mean? Like, so there should be low self esteem porn that makes all the other porn believable. That's actually hysterical. That would be amazing. One out every seven. Stephanie would come in, it'd be like, gerald, you fucking strike me sick. And just slam the door and leave. And you have to watch that kid beat off secret hoarders the way people are. If you took a Dasani water and there was plenty left and there was one six pack of Sparklets left or something, people would get into a fist fight over the six pack of Sparklet. That's when it's all just distilled water, filtered water, whatever it is, that's us wired. So in a weird way, ooh, instead of secret shoppers, you should have secret hoarders. Because you gotta get a group of like unemployed fat guys to push a cart and start loading up on your type of toilet paper, your type of water. Because. Because look, it's sad that we're all wired this way, but if you saw some guy just loading up on one brand of water, you'd be like, I want that too. And then, you know, curious. Right, Right. And in a weird way, then this becomes part of lore and it just becomes kind of woven into our consciousness, our subconscious. And it's also kind of like, yeah, Dasani. They're talking about it on snl. Yeah, if you had secret hoarders, this wouldn't have happened. That's right. That's a very good. Listen up to Sonic corp. That's right, 3.5 ounce flask. The scientists who work security at LAX pulled my backpack out of the security line and they pulled out a flask and they said, what is this? And I said, it's a flask that holds booze. And they looked at it and they said, this says 7 ounces. By the way, if there's some entrepreneur out there who wants to get rich, make 14 ounce flasks that say 3 ounces on them, you will. You will sail through LAX. I guarantee those nimrods could pick up a pony keg. And if it said 3 ounces on it, you'd sail to your destination. Figure it out, bitch. Puzzles. What photos or depictions do you like the best images when you do a jigsaw puzzle? I like this one artist. His name is Charles Casino and it's like cities. But I had a thought. You know what I'd like? Because you're good at this don't put the picture on the box or anywhere. It's called figure it out puzzles where you have to do it and at the end it's a grotesque bukkake scene, you know? Exactly. Exactly. If you don't want to know what's on that puzzle, well, then do you have a puzzle valet who goes in and buys the puzzles for you and then puts them in a burlap bag and brings them home to you? I mean, obviously. I mean, yeah, she probably does it without guidance of the box. You see the box when you pick it out and then you don't guide. You don't use it for guidance anymore. True, exactly. But isn't the purest version of this my Figure it out bitch puzzle series where there's. There's nothing on the box? Those puzzles exist? They do, yeah. They're called murder mystery puzzles, and they do exist where you don't have any sort of idea what's on, you know, they should all be a big picture. You and a guy holding a knife right behind you. Just. That's the last piece you put in. It's the guy who's nice. And plywood camouflage. So businesses all over the place are boarding up. Hair salons, restaurants, clothing stores, banks covered in plywood. As of Sunday, business owners prepare for possible repeat of violent riots, looting. One photo shows, I just came up with the fucking Amazon item of the year, okay? Now, we all know when you go out hunting or you're gonna be in the woods, you're an outdoorsman or you're. You're a soldier on this man's army. You put on the camouflage, right? Sure. How about a camouflage plywood jumpsuit? So when the shit goes down, you just go flat against the fucking boarded up. You could have like cdx, ply, good one side, you know, Home Depot stencil or whatever, knots in the wood grain. You just. Fuck it. You pull the gloves on, you pull the beanie on, and you just go flat. You just put your face against the plywood and you just put your hands out. You spread your legs, you just go. And the angry mob just goes running right past you. But at some point when you're laying there thinking the coast is clear, some antifa guy with a sledgehammer comes up and he thinks he's gonna bust into that radio Shack and he puts it right into the small of your back. Well, this is interesting because the idea that I wrote down right before this whole thing started for best invention was the smoker's bathrobe. The smoker's balcony bathrobe. So you go to a hotel, they don't want the smoker smoking in the room, but people go out, they have a couple of pops, they're enjoying themselves, and that night they want to go out in the balcony and have a cigarette, but they don't want to be spotted. So each hotel should have a bathrobe that mimics their balcony. If it's a stucco bottom, you have stucco with a glass top. Or if it's a blue railing, stainless steel railing, and you could just stand out there and smoke without being judged by the other patrons across the hotel who are out on their balcony staring at you. It's a niche market, man, but there's some takers. Well, the same store that picked up my plywood jumpsuit, my sweatsuit, would definitely pick up my smoker's balcony bathrobe. All right, we have. It's like the. The Adam surplus instead of the army surplus. Yes. We have a. We have a winner, Dawson. That's right. I think the judges may be on to what you're pitching because the winner for invention of the year is Plywood camo. Nice. That's a good one. Timely, Taiwan. When else but 2020 would this make sense? And it's also the kind of thing where you may not squeeze the trigger on it, but when the shit goes down, you're going to wish you had that. All right, we move on to best impression. Right, Dawson? First, we got our first nomination for rant of the year. Our first nominee for rant of the year, Comedy Store coronavirus closure. Labor Day was a month ago. No search. Okay, so now the Comedy Store comes up with a plan to reopen, and the Comedy Store wants to open outdoors. And that tweet from the Comedy Store says, dear fans, we've been notified by the LA County Health Department that outdoor live entertainment is not allowed in this time, despite the city of West Hollywood's approval. Based on our very safe and thoughtful approach to enjoying stand up comedy in our parking lot, our shows this weekend will be fully refunded. We're sorry for the inconvenience and look forward to seeing you all soon. If you feel the way we do about the importance of bringing stand up comedy back, email our LA county supervisor, Sheila Kuehl. Hey, bureaucrat. That makes $53,000 a year. What? What? Why? Why? What are you doing? What's inspiring you? What's motivating you? Other than someone is doing something and they didn't ask your permission and now you say no? What is different about this versus the beach on Labor Day. I thought we were going to follow the science. What happened to the science? The restaurants have been open. People have been eating out in patios and parking lots and tables spread out all over the place. Why? Why shouldn't we be able to do comedy? How long are we going to take it? How long before people just go fuck it? Like, how long before we start opening shit up? How long before we stop listening, I guess is what I'm saying. Like when and for how long? How much of the rest of the country has to open up? How many sort of inconsistencies do we need? How many? Well, that cafe can be open with people sitting next to each other outdoors. But you couldn't hear comedy in that same sort of environment or using that same table layout. You couldn't hear what Patton Oswalt has to say. Like, that doesn't make sense. At what point do people start going, I'm just gonna open my shit. The Comedy Store should just open. They should just open their outdoor comedy. Los Angeles probably has the highest per capita group who've uttered the phrase, I speak truth to power. But all you pussies are silent on this subject, aren't you? You know, the power is. The power is Garcetti and the power is Newsome. That's the power. So all you heroes who speak truth to power, why don't you pipe up? Because I haven't heard shit from any of you pussies. Nobody speaks truth to that power. They speak truth to their power. Whatever popular power. Whatever power makes them popular. Pipe up. The power's Garcetti. He's got his fucking boot on you. You guys speak truth to him. Heroes. Cuz that's what you do. You speak truth to power. That's what you all do, right? You're fucking heroes. I read your tweets. You always speak truth to power. And you announce, we need to speak truth to power. All right? The yentas in the street with the bullhorn shutting off Sunset Boulevard. They're speaking truth to power. Where's your voice? Why aren't you speaking up? Why aren't you coming together and fucking getting a bullhorn and getting in Garcetti's face or Newsom's face, They're the power. They've shut you down. No one else shut you down. They've shut you down. Or I'll make you this, let's make a compromise. You shut the fuck up with your truth to power speeches. Shut up, pussies. Shut up. I don't want to Hear? You fucking sheep telling me about truth to power anymore, when in fact there is a power. There is a truth. There is. And you guys have zipped it because you're scared of what you may be called on social media. Okay, heroes, keep speaking truth to power. I like when I punctuate it with vomit. Nice. All right, now, sorry, on my rundown, we didn't have the rant shoehorned in there, but we do from here on in. Now we have best impression. Oh, I'm excited about this. The nominees for best impression are. Adam Ray as Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Can I jump? Sure. Some hot hote, huh? This little piggy went to the market. He did. This little piggy went home. Well, he's a loser. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none on Shabbat. And this. This little piggy one all the way home like a little bitch. Doesn't sound that creative. No, it's a weird thing to pass on generationally. Like, nothing really happens with those piggies. It's kind of an anticlimactic toe story. It's not wildly creative to say this little piggy had roast beef and this little piggy had none. Well, I'll tell you what really happened. You know what happened? Here's a real story. So that first piggy went to the market because his mom, okay, was having a new boyfriend over. So she was like, I need you to get out of the house for at least a half an hour to the market to go to the market. You know, we live in a small town. Okay? There's a park you can go to, but I don't feel safe sending you there. Abduction, right? Go to the sprouts. Okay. Get some water for a dog. Okay. Pick out some pop tarts and come on back when mom's got her, you know? Has gotten its climax. Okay, where did the second piggy go? This one? In the market. This one went home. Went home. Okay. Play video games and start, you know, first person shooter games and then probably, you know, buy some guns and then make an appearance at a school a couple months later. That third piggy, he had roast beef. Had roast beef. He was a fat piggy. Okay. He was allergic to most meats, okay. From the deli, but said, fuck it, yolo. I'm gonna live my life. So that piggy was more the. The danger. Living on the edge. Okay, and the fourth piggy, what did he do? He had none, which is not that creative. It's like you come up with a thing for the fourth piggy. To do or have. Not just nothing. Well, that fourth piggy went on to drphill.com and got the big toe Dr. P candle. Okay, that was left out of the story. Use promo code. Where did he touch you? Gina grad as Nancy Gray. What if Nancy grad, My new favorite character. What if she was doing an app? Voicing an app for panic attacks? Okay. Hey, are you having a panic attack? Are you feeling a little rumbly in your tummy? Well, guess what. Wa wa, wa. I didn't get to where I got in my life with the TV shows and the books by boohooing in the corner and keel every time I got a little butterfly in my tum tum. So I need you ladies. And I'm talking to you too, man. I need you ladies to brush yourself off, get yourself up, and act like a man so we can get this done. Nancy, we're going for a less combative tone. Was that combative? Harsh. That's the engineer. I represent the software company that does the app. Okay. I just. I just felt, you know, that that would be. We paid you a lot of money because if you have a name recognition and we wanted to put your name on this. Originally went after Martha Stewart, but she was a little out of our range, and then. Yeah, yeah, Nancy, I know you probably don't read the client briefs, but have it right here. Tone should be reassuring, calming. Reassuring coming. By all means means, avoid yelling. Oh, I didn't realize that. I just thought you wanted me to go. You should have told you no again, we love your name on the app. You know what I mean? But we're looking for the softer side. Softer side of Nancy. I get it. You want to put the grace back in. Nancy Grace. You know what? It's actually tm. Don't touch that. Thank you. All right, let's take a take three. You listen here, you little. You get yourself up off that floor right now and you get yourself back to work. Nobody's paying you to whine and complain and piss and moan about your panic attack. And guess what? Just like the boogeyman and the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, panic attacks aren't real. You little J. Moore as the cast of the Irishman. Let's just say the cast from the Irishman is pulling into McDonald's drive thru, and they're all gonna order. I think it might go a little something like this. Ma'am, please let me have a. Let me have two cheeseburgers, but I don't want any lettuce on those. Cheeseburgers. Trying to do Peshi. Doing the Midwest. All right, that's holding lettuce, okay? Hold the lettuce. You can hold it if you want. Tell him I want a milkshake. Strawberry. They're out of strawberry. I don't know who that I'm doing. Chris Russo from Mike and the Mad Dog? No, you do. You do the car. Brian will be the guy working the counter. Can I go over, please? Can you take my order? Yeah, you take my order. You work at McDonald's, you stutter and prick in a box. You prick, you. Hey, let me get a. Let me. Let me get a Whopper and a Whopper junior. Okay, that's one Whopper. Whopper. They sell that at burger king, not McDonald's. Yeah, the equivalent would be, like, a quarter pounder or. All right, let me get two quarter Pounders then. Okay. I just sound like a Chicago. I'm fucking. Now you're nailing him. I know Pesci's, like, from the Midwest. Oh, the cast is up here. Oh, I didn't know Harvey Keitel was it. Whoa. Just tell him I want my apple pie. Oh, a Bill Buffalino. No, that's how they fuck you. That's my line from the other fucking movie. That's how they fuck you. They didn't give you the place. They never give you napkins in this place. What am I supposed to wipe my hands with the bag? One apple pie, extra napkins. Look, guy in the box. I don't know what you think you know, but this is Harvey Keitel. Angelo Bruno from the Irishman. Get the goddamn order right. Will Sasso as Archie Bunker. My father's chair up until the chair that literally, as I said, he was sitting in. Like, I wouldn't. You know, I go over and visit them. I wouldn't sit in his chair. That's the rule. I don't want to sound like Larry David here, but these are the rules of the chair. These are the rules. Why you have a chair? I mean, every episode. Every. Every second episode. Episode of all the Family would start with Archie coming home and, like, Meathead sitting in his chair or Edith in his chair. He'd just look at him and share. And then Cherry. Can you imagine that sort of premise in a modern sitcom would make sense? The dad comes home, the wife is sitting in a chair, and he just. And the audience like, oh, I know it's coming. They should try that on mixed Ish or something and see if it works. I bet it would be. Half the country would be confused and the other would be outraged. That would be the two groups that people would go into. What would it sound like if Archie found Meathead or Edith in his chair? Edith in chair. Here we had a Polack in the chair. Meathead, Sammy Davis Jr. And a chair here with extra ratings, Sweep season and Kyle Dunnigan as Sylvester Stallone. Why don't you be the person in the good season Salad dressing. Right? You. You be the young person. I'll be Anna Maria Alberghetti. When I come walking in, you go. Look, everyone, it's Anna Maria Albergetti. Okay, so my little kid. Yeah. All right, you ready? All right. Okay, so we eating a pasta or whatever you're eating while you're eating salad. Oh, that's right. All right. Okay. Right. This is good salad. Right? So improv line like that. This is a pretty good salad, Right? Okay. And then you see her show up and you say, holy. It's Era Maria Rabaginis. Hold on. Young sloth. Yeah. Oh, boy. From the streets. Look, I like that you're putting your own flavor on it. Yeah. Right. But you understand we're gonna run this during daytime tv. Oh, that's right. No if bomb. Let's run it again. You want to run again? Yeah, yeah. No effort. All right, so remember, you're with your family. You're eating salad. Oh, it's a good salad. Here, I can walk in and. Holy. Anna Maria Ranigettis. I'd like to try some of that salad dressing. Yeah, hold on. Because she's good in. In place. Right. But okay, here's the thing. Sly. Young Sly. Yeah. The name is Anna Maria Albergetti. Maria Rabagetti. Okay, well, we can. Maria's. We'll. We'll dig the audio out. We'll clean that up and post. But. Yeah, we'll do that. But again, I. You know, and this one's on me because I said you can't say on daytime tv. I didn't say you couldn't say. I just either. Well, not that you can't. No, no, I'm not saying you can't say, like. You can't say anything, but. But the word. Okay, I could talk, though. Yeah. I don't mean you can't say, like. Don't say to me. No, I'm not. I mean, actually the word. But look, when I see, okay, as a kid, a big star like Anna Maria Mavages, I'm gonna say holy. Right. I can't believe it. Right. I'm not even gonna say a name. Young Sly. Young Sly. Yeah. That's what you're thinking. See, as a director, it's my job to get you to think what you're thinking is holy. But what you're saying something different. You're saying something. Something different. All right? Which is not. Or not. Or none of that. No. So you're go. So what you're. You're thinking, holy hell, Anna Maria Albergetti. Is that our picnic? That's what you're thinking, but that's where the acting. Right? That's what you think. I got it now. But they call it acting because I want to see that in your eyes. Hey, yo, yo, Adam. I got it now, okay? Okay. All right. I know you do. All right. I know you do. All right, so you're. You're having tough guy. Tough guy whisper. You're having salad. Remember, Anna Marie is not on the set obviously, yet. We're just auditioning. But I will play her. Coming in with the salad dress, but I enter with the salad dressing. And then. You're surprised. Overwhelmed. All right. Yeah. Here we go. Here we go. Christ on a cross. You gotta be effing kidding me. Is that Ambadaria racket? Gettys, huh? That was this year. I forgot. I am not a voting member of the Academy, but I gotta say, Kyle Dunnigan's impression made me. My sides hurt twice when it happened, and just now it's strong. He was awesome. And, you know, I don't like to talk about myself, but the premise was very strong. The deep dig of Anna Maria Alberghetti from the seventies Wishbone Italian dressing commercial, I think is what really, really brought it to life. And of course, Gina Grad, everybody. So strong. All right, Dawson. The winner for best impression is. Gina Grad as Nancy Grace. Wow. Thank you. Deserve it. Deserve it. That is strong. Very strong. I just want to say thank you to the Adam Carolla show staff for recognizing talent and passion and determination. And we're gonna find those kids. All right, we got now, Interview of the year. Who's this? The first candidate. The first candidate. Sorry. Our first nominee for interview of the year, Rob Lowe. I had carried a business card in my wallet for a year of a drug announced alcohol counselor. And. And I woke up one day and called the number, and she said, great, I'll come get you. And they sent me to rehab. And I was always a pleasure to have in class as a kid. I was that guy. I was not that the other kids hated me. They didn't. I was nice. It was all good. But I was the first to answer Questions. Wanted to sit in the front row. Like, I was. I'm a good student. And so when I got to rehab, I was that person. And I fucking loved it. I loved every minute of being at rehab because I learned so much about myself, so much about why I drank. And I learned life tools that I never would have gotten anywhere else. And I ate it up. Ate it up. The thing about, like, sudden fame, and it's even more sudden today than it was in the old days. I mean, you can literally be famous literally overnight. In the old days, it wasn't exactly overnight, but it was quick. Would be as you could be, like, wow, if I could just make it as an actor, it's gonna fix me this sort of unease, this yearning, the sadness, this depression. Whatever it is, man, when I make it, if I make it, whoo. It is, man. It's gonna be it. And then you make it, and you're still the same fucking person. And that's when it's brutal. Brutal. And that's why you. You always see people who go, he had everything to live for. I don't understand. He threw it all away. He was famous and he was rich, and he just won an academy. Well, that's exactly when you throw it away, that's exactly when you do. Right? Because it didn't fix you. Yeah, man. Rob Lowe. Everyone loves Rob Lowe's. All right, next category. Caller of the Year. The nominees for Caller of the Year are. Billy Yang. There were helicopters, there were barricades or spray paint everywhere. All of Wester street by the Grove, everything was spray painted. The police. Acab, which apparently is an acronym that stands for All Cops are Bastards or something. I mean, just. It looks like something out of a movie. It was so insidious and insane. So how long has this liquor store been in your family? Since 1984. We came from nothing. We immigrated from South Korea. You know, my dad, who actually, you know, he was murdered in 2004 during a botched robbery. Oh, my God. That's when I stepped in and took over. I won't sit down at him for this, but there were five black teens involved during the robbery. Did they ever find the. Did they are the guys in prison who murdered your father? Yeah. So two that were actually involved were sent to trial. And just to make the story a little more surreal, when we showed up to court, the presiding judge of our case was none other than Judge Ito. Whoa. Casket Steve. Hey, Casket Steve. Yeah. You must be Rip shit about the whole sort of Portland Seattle thing at just burying people Like a tree upright in a pod. Put a little roundup up their ass and letting nature take its course. Well, yeah, and then the cremation is rising. So we're selling urns. Diversify. Diversify. Yeah. What's a mid level urn set you back? That I don't know, but I would guess that's about. I say the average is eight, but you don't sell $800 an urn. You don't sell that many that are that expensive. So I'd say, you know, the average is probably closer to like 300. I don't know about an urn. I feel like I go to Pier 1 or Pottery Barn or something. Yeah, I go to Ralph's one. When Christy's grandma died a few years ago, they put her casket inside a fucking sarcophagus. How, how come? I can't imagine that's very common, Steve, the average sarcophagus set you back. Well, I wasn't gonna say how often does that happen, but I can't imagine. Celine, why the message in the bottle, what prompted you to do that? You know, this. Just trying to be. Just trying to let go of negative energy and this, this crazy world right now that we're living in, just the COVID world, you know, and just kind of, just kind of, kind of loops or losing myself almost and just kind of wanting to just release any negative energy and just kind of just to release negative energy and just kind of finding myself again, I think. Did it help? Did you feel the release of negative energy? Yes, it was instant gratification really. So I gotta tell you what was funny. This note was discovered a couple of weeks ago when I was walking down the beach in Malibu with my friend Matt D'Andrea. And we ended up back at the Malibu condo. And I was dying to see what was on the note. I thought it was gonna be a recipe for life. I was dying to know what was in this note. But the note was in a wine bottle and there wasn't a good way to fish it out. And it has a 4 inch neck on it. The note wasn't falling out of the bottle. It was stuck in the body of the bottle. Matt's a handy guy and so I actually had to go somewhere as I recall, and I left him at the condo. So I just went, you figure out how to fish it out. I'm leaving. Lock up. And I left. Then when I showed up yesterday at the condo, it had been two weeks and I'd forgotten the bottle was gone. And I forgotten all about the Note, and I walked to the island in the condo, and I look down and I just see this thing that looks like feminine riding. And it says, I just want to go. Sorry. I just want to let go. You assumed it was Matt Suicide, who I was trying to make. And all I did was like, Christ, my sister's having a nervous fucking breakdown. Like someone got in here and left one of those notes that guys hate to read. You know what I'm talking about? Any. Any dude who's been around the block has seen that chick riding Note about how you make them feel. I feel invisible in front of you, and I'm like, ah, Adam's an asshole. I'm gonna have to get a shaman in here to burn some sage and clear this condo now because of your weird vibes. Natoya. Jesus Christ. All right, the Lizzo thing on snl, they had the big gals dancing in the back, and there was a wang. A wang was a poppin'yeah. There was something on the other. You were gonna look at it again. Double check. Hi, Adam. Hi, Gina. Hi, everyone. Oh, I'm so honored. Thank you. From Maryland39. Any thoughts on. On that Lizzo and SNL? Okay, so I listened to the episode today, and I couldn't stop crying with laughter. But I reviewed the cape multiple times. I also have, you know, a pair of shiny tights. Put them on, took a break from work. It was a shadow. And I also have healthy size. Shocker. And it's just lighting a shadow. No wang, no nuts. Vindication. In the words of the great lace John Entwistle, Was it just another trick of the light? There you go. Dawson Natoy. Did you actually bust out the spandex and go hammer time in your apartment? I know how to talk house, thank you. Sorry. Three bedroom, government subsidized home. Come on. No, no townhouse. Modest. So I was inspired by you. I love that. You know, she did the work. Got my own. Bought my own house when I finished grad school in 2015. I want to hear your story, Natoya. But. So you're saying the heavy set backup dancers. The one looked like there was a real wang popping. But here's what I want to know about the light or the shadow? How come it didn't show up on the other dancers? I just think it was just an angle thing. And for me, not to get too personal, but for some women of other sort of persuasions, they don't have extra fat in between the thighs in that area, and I think we do. So I'm pretty Sure. That's what you saw. Nega, I assume. Ryan, come on. What's wrong with you? Oh, God, My favorite drop. Natoya. We love you more than we could possibly say. And the deaf frat guy. How you doing, brother? Doing good. Hanging in there, bro. We wanted to reach out to you because of this whole, like, captions and lawsuit pornhub. And you're the only deaf friend we know, so tell us what you think of the lawsuit. Even if he gets his win and they subtitle all the porn, I know for a fact that it's not always accurate, the transcribing things. Yeah, that's true. If you ever watch ESPN with the sound off and the captions up, they're pronouncing names differently and you're screwing things up. I checked with some bros. I said, tell me if they're saying this. And the caption says, funk this ass. And sure enough, what she was saying was, funk that ass. Oh, okay. I can see what the grievance is. So you're saying it's confusing. There's not much quality control. I mean, we do know whose ass is getting. I guess we do. I thought I was hallucinating because I knew I'm reading her L and she said that ad. But the subtitle says this ad, right? Oh, boy, this is a tight one. This is good competition. The winner for caller of the year, Billy Yang. Yeah. Yeah. He's died, for God's sake. All right, rolling right along. Long. We get to our second rant of the year, and I have no idea what any of these things are, but that's what makes this thing fun. Our second nominee for rant of the year. Debate questions. Everyone thinks I'm a dick all the time, but I was looking at the topics and it's like, number one, Covid. And I was like, it's been talked about quite a bit, but fine. Number two, race in America. It's like, could we give it a fucking break? Can we just give it a fucking break? It's people don't like racism. We live in a non racist country. The reason everyone from around the world tries to get here is because of that. Could we just fucking give it a break? I get it. Biden's not, he doesn't like racism. Trump, he's gonna have trouble saying, if he doesn't like racism, move the fuck on. Then they're both gonna tell some sort of story about what they did for a black person or about how we have to, you know, reimagine policing or whatever. The fuck it is. Can we stop talking about race so much? It's fucking insane. 2021 is two months away. It doesn't need to be the second thing they talk about on the debate. It's all we talk about. It's understood. And there's nothing they can say about it on that debate stage. It's going to clear anything up or fix anything that has to do with race. Can we pick a fucking subject? Economy or something, Schooling, whatever. Something of foreign affair. Something's got a little more fucking meat on the bone instead of this esoteric race fucking thing. We all make ourselves heroes every five minutes. Or have dialogue. You need a seat at the table and then you pull up the seat at the table. Now we have an honest dialogue about fucking race. Jesus Christ. You can keep fucking talking about it. You'll never fucking fix it by talking about it. And no candidate explaining what he's gonna do about it ever fucking touches it. Because you can't get to it from where they are. All right, we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna come back and we got another rant of the year. We got interviews, we got best reenactment, which I'm always looking forward to, and much more right after this. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline bet online. The game starts here and now. Alcoa presents the last word in 2020 for definitely not a Jew. A block of cheese. Raccoons lighting, fireworks, a beer, koozie motor oil, her hair, weave, rats, A chainsaw. A goat, a corn dog, toilet paper, chocolate, e cheese, a hockey stick, bass pro shop, Ramen noodles, Captain Crunch, Walmart, A yard range, a can of baked beans. Thank you Alcoa, for another great year of sponsorship. We look forward to your support in 2021. For more definitely not a Jew. Oh, that is Brian's favorite. I love it. This is so great. The crowd Pleaser. All right, we're going to take a quick detour because Brian's gifts are. I have Brian's gift, and I think Gina has Brian's gift. And we're going to open it on the air, so to speak. Annual holiday gift for the staff. Decided this was. I was wrestling with what to get people, you know, gift card or something like that. And then one day, not too long ago, the answer presented itself. Oh, boy. Oh, oh, oh. I hope we got the same thing. I hope so, too. It's the eight inch chef knife. All your cutting. Trusted butcher's knife. The trusted butcher's knife. Go cut through some water bottles, man. Water bottles and fruit things and everything. I am truly excited about this because I must say, I don't know if everyone's this way, but. But if I see an advertisement for a supplement or a wonder mop or a knife, my first impulse is I fold my arms and go, oh, please. And my next impulse is, I gotta grab a piece of paper. I gotta write this shit down. I just get sucked in, and I'm ready to use this goddamn knife. This is exciting. Everyone on the staff got one of those. As soon as you did the breakdown, humorously, of the infomercial, like, well, that's the Christmas gift this year. Gina got something a little different, a little more special. And I love knives, but I gotta tell you, this is fantastic. Thank you. This is the Dolla Parton holly dolly sugar cookie mix. Oh, wow. Is an egg and butter. And I'm gonna make 24 cookies with the boy when he gets here in just a little bit. This is fantastic. I figured Gina probably had a knife, given all the cracks. I have many knives. Thank you so much. And I'm going to. You know, the kid won't let me throw away boxes because he loves the boxes. Stuff comes in like a cat. And I am not throwing away this box. That's a good commemorative collectible box. Thank you from me. Thank you from Dolla Parton, and really appreciate it. Thank you, Brian. Sorry you haven't gotten your nut butter. Don't worry. Very thoughtful. Very thoughtful. All right, we now move on to our third rant of the year. Our third nominee for rant of the year, Right Winger. All right. Hey, Adam. I've been a big fan for a long time. I've always been a little confused at how right wing you are. I'm curious what Jeff is and what he thinks of your political beliefs. Oh, boy. I think about this all the time. I did. I did a show called Loveline 25 Years on the radio. I defy you to find me one of my opinions from 25 years ago. That's changed at all. At all. And I fucking completely reject this, like right wing policies. I'm fucking pro gay marriage, pro pot, pro fucking everything. I don't want your shitty government fucking up my life. That doesn't make me a right winger. Not in the nra. I don't have guns. I don't give a fuck who gets married or what they ingest. It's their business. But I do have thoughts about not giving away 50% of the fucking money I own. To what? To an inept government who flushes it down the toilet. So if that makes me right wing, then so be it. But I challenge you. I gave every single one of my opinions 25 years ago. Go find one. Go find one. That's changed. All you have to do is fucking get 1 millimeter out of this template that these self righteous assholes have come up with. And if you just cross over, then you're conservative, are right wing. All right, here's a right wing talking point, you feckless pussy. I'm for school choice. Are you for school choice? Not you, Jeff Ross, the fucking guy listening you. And then explain to me why you don't like school choice. And then explain to me if that's a right wing talking point. Fucking wanting having kids in the inner city to have a voucher and be able to get a decent education. Okay, that's. That's Ted Nugent. Jesus Christ. The media is so fucked up. Everyone's so fucked up. That's all I have to do is just. You just disagree with his Highness on one thing and all of a sudden come down and tell me why I'm wrong. All right, now we have our second entry of Interview of the Year. Our second nominee for Interview of the Year, Andrew Yang. I don't know why we ingest different facts different ways. Do you have any thoughts on that? Yeah, I think many of us particularly, and this is like a lot of the politicization where there are certain people that want a certain picture presented or point of view. And the reason I ran was that the facts I saw on the ground are really discouraging. You know, it's like if you look and say like, wow, we have record high substance abuse, suicides, mental illness, medical bankruptcy, anxiety, like pretty much anything you can think of that's bad. We have record highs. We have record low rates of business formation among young people and getting married and having kids, which I would I would would say are generally things you, like, excited to see more of that are now at record lows. Like, the facts are really nasty. And to me that what was missing in our politics were Democrats, aside from possibly Bernie and a couple of the other candidates, but just acknowledging just how nasty the facts look and not acting like if we can just push the pendulum back the other direction, then all goodness will be restored. Like that. Like that, to me, was the wrong approach. And that was a numbers driven analysis, really. Like, if the numbers looked great on the ground, I'd be like, all right, that's cool, but they look terrible. They're trending in really almost unprecedented ways. It's not for a developed country's life expectancy to go down three years in a row. That's not normal. Shit. I got to you through Tucker Carlson. I know many people would think, well, Andrew Yang and Tucker Carlson can't be friendly. They're sort of on the other side of the political aisle. But Tucker's a great guy, and you're a great guy. Why shouldn't you and Tucker have a friendly relationship? Yeah, I think that. I think that this idea that somehow, like, people who might have disagreements can't talk to each other is such horseshit. That's total horseshit. That somehow sitting with someone is going to get, like, you know, like, infected by, like, some, you know, I don't know, like, attitude or belief. I enjoy sitting down with Tucker. Like, you know, I enjoy sitting down with lots of different people who I'm sure disagree with me in some respects. But, you know, we're all human beings. We're all Americans. We're all just trying to do the best we can for our families and our country. And that, to me, is a much, much bigger deal unifying us than whatever we might disagree on. Yeah, math. I can't remember what the hell the acronym is. Make America Think. Make America Think. Yeah, something like that. Very good. Like that guy. All right, moving on to our fourth rant of the year. Our fourth nominee for rant of the year, reopening schools. Talked to Sonny the other day, and I said. I said, what's the schedule like this week or a couple days ago? And I was like, you got school this week? Or whatever? And he's like, they're doing Zoom. Whatever. And he said, we don't have school on Friday. And I said, why not? What's Friday? And he's like, well, the teachers are using that day to grade papers. And I'm like, I think teachers fucking hate work. But, like, Getting paid. This is the most diabolical plan in the world. We just fucking keep getting paid. They're fucking mobbed up. They're big time unions. They're in with the fucking governor, they're in with the fucking mayor. They're in with all these people. They're fucking cowards. They don't want to go back to work. They want to get paid. And there's no danger. There's no danger for the fucking kids. There isn't. This is insane. It's child abuse. My kids are fine, but what about the fucking inner city kids or the latchkey kids or the, you know, mom's got to work all day at the supermarket kids? It's up. What the is going on? Open the schools. They're fine. The kids are fine. It doesn't do anything to them. We've had schools open all over the world. Where's the outbreak? Where's the data? Can we follow the science? Remember we're supposed to follow the science, Right? Follow the science. Follow the science, you bloviated jack offs. Good. We'll follow the science that the world is telling us now. Open the fucking schools. We just have to wait till after the election that that's how it works. It's fucking nuts. Everything magically open up next week. Newsom, such a fucking hack. I can't believe he's in charge of this fucking place. Open the fucking schools. You're hurting the kids. Their chances of being harmed by coronavirus. And by the way, if you're a fucking teacher and you're fucking pussy and you don't want to fucking go in and do your job, then fucking stay home. Open the schools and you fucking stay home. The. The abuse that. There's tons of fucking abuse going on out. These kids are getting fucked up. There's parts of their brain that are supposed to be developing now that aren't developing. Open the fucking schools. It's cost causing more trouble than it's saving. It's not hurting anybody. Anyone turn on the news and found out a fucking nine year old has died of COVID Ever heard of it? Believe me, if it did happen, CNN would dedicate seven days to it. Does anyone remember that story on CNN about the fucking 13 year old who went to school and died? No. Well then fucking open the schools. By the way, Christmas vacation is not even Christmas vacation because my kids have been sitting home for six months like it's just another day and the weather doesn't change. What does Christmas vacation mean to la? You do have to really just think about that one subject. Schools. Teachers, fine. Students, fine. Most important thing in the world. School. Children. Our future. Then why are all the schools closed in California? Why? Seems a little hypocritical. That's a question worth asking. Why? What is the logical reason why they're opened all over the country? They're opened all over the world. There's zero cases or at least zero data about anybody being in danger. Then why would we do this? Why would Newsom do this? Why would he like the restaurants? If he can trace it directly cases to that, then you have a case, pun intended. Otherwise, not much to stand on. At least he's consistent. Question mark. Well, I mean, if the Trader Joe's is necessary and the Alpha Beta is necessary, the grocery market or whatever it is, is the dry cleaners or what? If that's necessary, isn't the school necessary? Don't you think that seems like it would be. I seem so. Falls under that category. All right, so then what is Newsom doing? He's sucking the teachers union's dick. That's what he's doing. Everybody. And you fucking love teachers. You love teachers. Okay, well, they're in a union and they don't want to go back to work, and Newsom's got to suck their fucking dick. So that's where we're at. That's what you like. That's a state you want to live in. That's a state you want to live in. We have fucking teachers mobbed up who are telling the fucking governor what to do, and we all got to suck his dick. Okay, thank you, teachers. Thank you, Newsom. Unfortunately, a lot of kids rotten at home, but that's all right that they're just fucking cannon fodder. We don't. We don't need them. We're not worried about them. We're worried about the. Worried about the unions. Okay, thanks. Fucking heroes. Who writes the checks. Stop paying the fucking teachers and see how fast those fucking cowards want to get back to work. Stop paying them. Everyone loves to get paid to fucking stay home. Look at Gina and Brian. All right, cheers. 1. I'm looking forward to here. Best reenactment. Yes. The nominees for best reenactment are. Adam and Brian for Vague Offensive Core. I think eventually people are just like, it's gonna be down to Bernie and Trump. Two exquisitely different ideas, but both super authentic. Like, here's what we're doing and that's. We just couldn't get that out of Warren. And I don't get why she doesn't get that eventually when people are saying, who's paying? Or how are you going to pay for Medicare for all or health care for all? Like, whatever. At some point you need to spit out an answer because. Because you're essentially saying, I'm going to be the new offensive coordinator for the Green Bay Packers. They go, what kind of offense you running? You run a spread. We're going to score some points right out of what formation? The formation is going to lead to points on that board. Let me tell you what. But the draft is coming up. Should we get an H back? Should we get a slot? Man, I'll get ready to dominate that draft, but with who? The excellent players who are going to put points on the board. Am I right? Okay, let me just try to nail you down. Are we looking for a possession type receiver? Do we want to spread the defense? Yes and yes, we are going to dominate. You're going to see a lot of lopsided scores. It's not the same guy. The ones are kind of Randy Moss. The other's kind of a Wes Welker. Why does it have to be a guy? Okay, all right. But are we looking. Okay, point noted. But are we looking to spread out the field or are we looking for more possession? We're going to spread our lead to triple. Triple digits. We're going. We're going to beat. That's right. We're going to beat these by 100 points. But what. I don't. Okay. I'm okay. I'm unsure. Do we want to run out of this shotgun? Are we going to put the quarterback under center? You're looking for specifics. That's what I'm saying. You've heard of the run and shoot, huh? Run and shoot and run again. So are we passing? Are we pass oriented? You heard of the west coast offense? Yeah, this is west coast and east coast and flyover states all. Everything in between. I think it was implied. Okay, we need a quarterback. Are we focusing on a quarterback who can run and run an option or with a guy can stretch a field with a big arm? Points on the board. Okay, well, I'm out of questions. Adam, Gina, Brian, Chris and Adam Ray for Mary Kay Letourneau's kids. Let's play their four kids. I want all of us to play their four kids. Okay, Adam, when you're asked the question that Mactapat is gonna ask you, you just say ovarian cancer. Okay? That's your answer. You just say ovarian cancer. We're all gonna say it simultaneously. Gina, you're going to say lost at sea. Okay. Brian, Bear attack. You're going to say car accident. Okay. Fair. And I'm going to say hit by a drunk driver while jogging. Does everyone have their answer? Yeah. All right, we're the four kids. How old am I? Mary Kay, how old am I? I'm not sure. You're an adult. Block party. And we're at a block party. And a neighbor who moved out of the neighborhood before all this took place came back for the block party and is going to ask the question, where's your mom? All right, ready? Real quick. Do I have a Disney plus account? Backstory. Okay. Years ago. Okay. All right, hold on. Max. Pata, you're going to ask the question. Yeah. Where's your mom? All right. Hey, hey, kids, where's your mom? Sorry. Okay. Hey, kids, where's your mom? And it turned out to be something more. I didn't tell you to. Vampire Adam, Gina and Jay Moore. For LA and Midwest gas stations. Let's do a compare and contrast. You be the steely foreigner who works in la, J. Moore. And you be the nice matronly gal who's behind the counter. The Wisconsin. Oh, I had my Bluetooth in first. My friend, my friend. Yes, please, I. Please, my friend. Can I use the bathroom, please? Number 42. Oh, what? No. Customers only? Well, I'll buy some Raisinets or something if I could just use the bathroom. Hey, you heard them, bro. There's no bathroom for people, bro. Oh, we got the Mexican guy. I'm trying to get my protein shake. What are you doing? Oh, you're a customer. That's right. Sorry. Oh, let me get that. Hey, what's up? Hey, yeah, the Raiders, you know. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, bro. It was God's will, bro. I just want to. Hold on. What's got nice matrimony, Wisconsin. Hi there. You'll betcha. Hey, think me and Dr. Drew could use the bathroom here? You know, I was just thinking. I would love nothing more than for you and the great doctor Drew to use the bathroom. I just cleaned it. It's scrubbed up. It's sparkling. Do you have, like, the key on it? You need to shut your mouth. You can't hear her. You are a kid. Hold on, bro. This is my. You got a pit bull and a Baby Bjorn? Yeah, this is my dog, Andy Stabler. I saw the El Camino out there with the. With the graphic on the rear window saying, tell her she's lovely. Is that your. Your. Is that your ride? That's Mine next to Calvin, and I'm taking a pee on the Chevy low. Okay, so sorry. Hispanic guy who ended up at the la. But a customer who ended up Middle Eastern guy who works at the Arco in Hollywood. Yes, yes. May I use your bathroom, please? Customers only. Enough of public consumption. Okay, well, hold on a second. You got a bath right over there. Wisconsin land. I'll buzz you into the bathroom. Do you have a key that's on, like, a snow tire or something, or is it just open? Oh, heavens, no. You just walk right in. We're happy to have you. Oh, okay. Hey, that jerky on the counter, is that homemade? It's homemade. It's my mom's business. And I thought, you know, I'd put a few on the counter and see if we can get the business off the ground. You know what? I would love to just give you one for free. I'm such a big fan. Oh, okay. I'll take the buffalo teriyaki. You betcha. They take. I wouldn't do it, bro. That's Labia Adam for Quarantine Strip Club dj. Do you guys want to guess what three types of businesses have skyrocketed? And I'm sure you know, this is the three they're reporting that aren't so obvious. Everybody, welcome. The Skype. Hey, Janine. I mean, God damn, I use your regular name. Jay, you got a what do you got your Mac or Ibook? You're buffering. You PC or Mac? Okay, you got to tilt it, sweetie. If you face it toward the window, it blows out. You got a chain entry hall. I don't even know where I am anymore. Listen, I'm. I'm convalescent. Hold on. Mom, I'm working. Of course I want pot roast. It's Wednesday. Wednesday's pot roast night. Why do you have to tell me every Wednesday? It's pot roast night. No, I'm not at work. Obviously I'm not at work. I'm not drunk and covered with glitter. I'm working from home, Bob. Glassy lady's doing a remote thing down. We're right in the middle of doing a gig here. Oh, my God. Damn it. Hold that moment, Diamond. Stage seven. Stage. Oh, actually, you're on computer nine. Shit. Are you on a tablet? Diamond? God damn it. My Internet just went down. God damn it, Mom. You kissed the Internet. Get out of here. I hope you die so I can continue to live in this. Oh, it's your house. Okay, serve up. To Bob Rose James, tablet seven. Who's got an iPhone? I need a router. And Dawson and Gina for Helen Reddy recording session. Gina? Yeah. You play Helen Reddy. All right. You don't have to sing, but when the music pots down, Dawson is gonna be like, well, that's about. It's about it. With the studio time, you got all you paid for, so we gotta wrap it up. And then you're gonna be like, I haven't fin a song yet. And he's going to be like, well, come into the booth and blow me. Maybe we can add about half an hour. I think we just did it. That worked. We didn't even have to do it. It was hilarious. I think it's been done. Cut. Print Dawson. But Dawson's character does nothing of the song or the theme of the song. And he just keeps going on, right? Like, all right, after you're done, maybe go out, buy a few drinks. You can give me a massage back in my hot tub. I got an apartment nearby or something. And he has no idea what the theme of the song is. All he knows is there's a hot chick and her time is up in the booth. This is. You know how the game plays. This is A and M Records, 1972. Here we go. Here we go. All right. All right. Helen? Yeah, I was just finishing that phrase. Yeah, no, I think we got it. Well, the song's not done. I still have a chorus and one more hook. Well, you know, time's up. We got. We got hours to keep here, but. You ever been on a motorcycle? No. I got one. You know, that's cool and all that. I mean, you paid your money. You paid your money, you know. Do you. You want the record labels to hear this song, don't you? I do. That's why I'd like to finish it, if you don't mind. You like Radio play? I do. I want this to be. I want to be a star. I want this to be a hit. Now, there are two words there, Darlin's real important here. Radio Play. So why don't you come back here and sit on my lap for a second? Excuse me. Helen. Helen. They. You're Helen. Ready? Well, what do you. You better get ready. Get in here. I still. You got them drawers on. Get them off. Won't you come in here and. Wait a second? I cannot believe you're talking to. I'm gonna be a star. And it's because I am a proud, independent, empowering woman. How dare you talk to me like this. I don't. You are indeed a woman. Why don't you come in Here and I'll prove to you that I'm a man. And I mean, your last name's Ready, right? It's not. It's not. Helen, give me a minute. You make a good point. All right, hold on. Oh, Dawson, I'm praying for you. Points. Well done. All right. And the winner is. Great category. The winner for best reenactment is. Dawson and Gina for Helen. Ready? Cleaning up. Well earned. Dawson. Man, you ever been in motorcycle? Helen, Give me a minute. All right. Our fifth offering for rant of the year. Our fifth nominee for rant of the year. California taxes. You want to talk about civil liberties? Them taking in California. I think it was 63% of your income. We're not even. We're fucking sailed right past 50% and we're now past 60%. We get 37%. We get to take home 37% of what we make. If you make more than 400K, that is a fucking. That is civil liberty crushing. That's the fucking government taking more than half your money. Like we never stop talking about, you know, abortions and the right to this and that guy burned a flag. And what about free speech zones? And how about them taking 60 something percent of the money you earn? That doesn't seem like. That doesn't seem like a civil liberty impingement. I know a good realtor. Jesus Christ. And New Jersey, New York. I mean, they're all, by the way, don't. 60 plus. It's not just that they're going to rake the citizens over the coals of California the next five, 10 years to make up for all that lost revenue that they've been missing out on these last seven months. Oh no, they're not. They're just gonna follow the people who leave for 10 years. Right, right. That's true too. Yeah. They're gonna fucking tag them like a caribou. Newsom's gonna be up in the tree with binoculars and fucking walkie talkie. That a decade. Look, everyone, anyone who lives in one of those cities. Anybody who lives. Lives in one of those cities and makes more than 400k a year is going to move. That's how it works, okay? I don't know. This doesn't. You know, when we're talking about like government overreach or we're talking about big government or we're talking about the citizens doesn't taking more than 60% of the money you earn, that. That doesn't feel like the ultimate overreach. God damn. It's like we just sit around and Talk about. Talk about abortion. We talk about religious freedom and all that stuff. Great. How about. They're taking. How about. My cut is in the 30s. My cut is in the 30s. Now. That's fucking insane. Yeah. Is there something attractive about that? Or you just get to go fuck all those rich people. And by the way, you live in California, you live in LA, and you make $407,000 a year. You ain't rich. That's for goddamn show. All right, now we move on to our third installment of Interview of the Year. Our third nominee for Interview of the Year, Artemis Pyle. Well, the pilot and co pilot were really busy, and I sat in the little jump seat and I made a mayday call to a. A Coast Guard chopper that was in the area. And I called off our tail numbers, NV55, you know, and. And I was saying it was a. It was basically a Mayday, you know, out of fuel, you know, going down. And then when I was walking out and it was getting kind of dark underneath the canopy of the. The trees that I was in, in the little black water area that I thought was a swamp, and it was a creek that had gone out of its. You know, it was like high water. And there was an actual. The Coast Guard chopper that must have heard the mayday that I put in was over top of me. But because there was no fuel, there was no fire, and because we were below the canopy of the trees, they couldn't see, and it was getting dark, and they really couldn't see properly, so they. They were missing us. And. And so it was ironic, you know, and it was very hard to hear this chopper flying over and then away in the wrong direction, away from my friends, because that was my whole thing, which I did. I went and got help and brought it back to the crash site. That's what a Marine does, you know. And I was. I was using everything that I'd learned my Marine Corps training to put one foot in front of the other and just, you know, not. Not go into complete shock, which I was. I was. I mean, I was going into shock, but, you know, nothing was going to stop me. Man, that scene where the snake came up and I told the snake that I would bite its effing head off. That really happened. And it was a really strange moment, Adam, because I'm in this black water and this snake is slithering by, and I said to it, I will bite your effing head off. And I heard myself say that, and I laughed at myself for saying talking to a snake. And. And when I laughed at myself, I realized I was alive. Such a compelling story with the whole language. Leonard Skynyrd. Plane crash in Artemis. All right, let's see. Let me take care of a little bit of business here. All right, we got a break. And we got some special drops and a tribute to dedicated listeners. We'll do that after the break. Or going into it. Going into it. Going into the break. During this pandemic year, the Adam Carolla show is not without its losses. Specifically the ability for Brian to record live drops. Thankfully, a fan on Twitter named Antom Dropper made sure we'd never forget. Let's take a listen to the show ending drops. That could have been. You can see my ding a ling. It's up on the Internet. Hey, old cunt. Off. Let's go, mofo. Look, I'm just an old white guy wants to his son's ear. He touched me in my troll giggle area. Want attention me over here. I'll look as young as my doctors will let me look. Boy, you guys gonna be ass raped on this one. Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. I'm an asshole. I don't feel like talking. The MeToo movement is racist and here's why. Hey, touch your boobies. My parents didn't give me a good face, but they did give me a huge eat my dust, biatch. Big tushy hoes. I got something for you. All hoes. I'm the king of all chickens. What do you know? You're a dumb bitch. I'm a scholar. Fuck. I wish I was gay. Oven dodger. I wish I could bang you, but my dick's too wide. Thems ain't my moles. Them's just my ladybugs. It I'm punching Rick Moranis. Support for this podcast comes from Pluto tv. Need an escape? Drop into Pluto TV and drop into that world for free. Baby. That is free tv. Stream hundreds of channels and thousands of movies and shows. Free? Yes, free. No subscription, no fees. 247 channels of Narcos, CSI, Star Trek, Survivor and everything else from hit movies to binge worthy TV shows, the latest news, live sports, comedy and more. What are you waiting for? Download the free Pluto TV app for Android, iPhone, Roku and Fire TV and start streaming it now. So you want to watch tv? You want to watch all your favorite shows. You want to cut that cable? You don't want to spend all that money. Well, how about you spend zero money with Pluto tv? Pluto TV drop in watch for free earlier this month The Technical and creative arts Ace awards were given out via Zoom in the following broadcast categories. Best Radio Ramp up we're back inside the toolbox with stacks upon stacks under the bed and begins between the cracks, pulling out the deep drags to help you relax as we rapidly approach September and Rocktober. Don't forget that this month we're celebrating Froggist as we drift away on a radical sabbatical. With the soundtrack provided by Prog Rock kings known simply as yes. Never before is a band name encapsulated exactly what you want from them. It's as if the band Kiss called themselves We Bang Underage Chicks. This music group evokes that one syllable response response upon the very first note with harmony guitars and vocals that make tourists feel like locals. South of the border, they're known as C. Oh, say can you hear let's say it together. Yes. On the toolbox. Best intro Joke earlier today, he made the choice and picked Sanders. He went with the random orbital over the oscillating spindle. Adam Corolla. Yeah, lynch must have rolled an ankle he's laid off. Ain't no song lyrics being repeated. That's a smart joke right there. Best interview Interruption Jay Leno. Yeah, that's funny to me because let me lose this. I'm on the phone, I'm doing a podcast quite late that makes me laugh because 15 years later, I'm in Detroit with the ZR1 Corvette with Jupiter. Taz Jutner, the head engineer for for Corvette. And I call him up and I said, can we take it to 200 miles an hour? He said, sure. Okay, so go to the proving ground in Michigan. Who's this again? Tell them you're doing a podcast. Middle of a podcast. I'll come right back. And I'm with Taz Jr. So I said, are you a chief engineer for Corvette? Yeah. We get in the car, I said, before we go, tell me the first time you went 200 in a Corvette. He said, well, I never have. Best non answered by a guest, Marianne Williamson. If you were working for Trump and Trump would listen to you and you could magically tell him what to do and he would do it, what would you tell him? And then I'll ask the same question about Biden. I would never want work for him. Sorry, I tried. All right, all right. Okay. Let's say you work for someone who isn't going to be in the debate. Let's say you work for Bernie Sanders. Okay. What would you tell him to say Thursday night? Well, Bernie Sanders is the One politician who I don't think would need any coaching. Best voice message. If you're just tuning in, we are live coast to coast on stereo. Now can we play one of these things? Poop, dildo. Never forget. Oh, okay, we can do it. We got poop dildo. All right. And sports. Sportscaster of the year now, brother. Time for the Waterhouse update, brought to you by incestry.com we'll find your relatives and then help you date them. NFL Seattle looked worse than the free bin at an Eagle Rock yard sale. Bears as ineffective as a handmade Alec Baldwin sign. Chief snuck past the Panthers like a lawyer tiptoeing past date lines. Keep Morrison. Steelers like that 253 to 213 electoral vote graphic on CNN. They just wear you down. That wrap up sponsored by Luftwaffe dive bomb breakfast with lift waffle. College Football Indiana 30 for the first time since asbestos was considered good for you. Penn State stumbling like Seth Rogen's housekeeper with contact high. Notre Dame beats Clemson just as QAnon predicted. Florida Atlantic beat Western Kentucky 10 to 6 in a game that made you say, you know what? Maybe I'll watch him count votes in Clark County. That wrap up sponsored by yawning the patio awning that deploys the second you start napping. This is Chet Waterhouse reminding you to play with pain. Oh, man, a lot of good stuff there. Nice job in the assembly. All right, our fourth installment of Interview of the Year. Our fourth nominee for Interview of the Year, Kirstie Alley. When I first started doing Scientology, like, I said I was pretty. I was like, pretty good cokehead. And I really didn't like the way that I. I didn't like that I had a compulsion, put it that way. So one time I met this girl in Wichita, Kansas, that I didn't even like because she, I don't know. I'm not going to go into that story. But I said, she said she was a Scientologist. And I said, can they help you get rid of a compulsion? I didn't really care that I did cocaine. I cared that I had the compulsion to do it. You know, I'd snort so much coke that then my heart would start palpating. And then I, you know, I'd be sitting there ready to go out on a date night snorting coke, and then I'm feeling my pulse and then I'd go like, I'm dying. I'm dying. Oh, my God, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm dying. Then I'd become religious, and I'd go, oh, my God, don't let me die. If I let me die, then I won't do any more coke. I swear to God. I swear to God. Boom. Then it would smooth out, and then I'd go out and I'd be, like, fine for three or four hours, and I'd snore too much coke, and I'd be like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So I didn't understand why a person like me. Like me, who I made it through high school and college without ever doing a drug. And I didn't understand, like, how a person like me could become this person that is afraid I'm gonna die and actually really afraid that I'm gonna die, and actually really afraid that I'm losing myself. I felt like I. I guess the best way to describe it was, it feels like you're invisible as a being. You know, you're there as a body, but you're invisible. And I hated the way I felt. So why did I just do it? The next weekend that came out, it was mystifying to me. The first time I snorted coke, I was like this. And I'd never done any drugs. I was like. Then I went, oh, my God, I'm gonna do this every day for the rest of my life. Yeah. It really is demonic, because you know that it really is that high of something that's this big. And then the next time it's this big, and then the next time it lasts this long, and then it lasts this long, and finally you're sitting there snorting coke all night long. You're not really high anymore. It just won't work anymore. And then you start getting paranoid. You know, I'd be standing at the drapes looking for the cops, looking for I don't know what the hell. And I just became eluded. I hated myself. I was horrible. I remember I was nuts. I said to my mom and dad, they're the straightest people in the world. And I said, oh, just so you know, do you guys want to. Would you guys like to try some coke? And my dad and mom were like, what? Like, oh, cocaine. You know, like, would you like to do it? We don't even know what you're talking about. I go, cocaine. It's a drug or drugs. Good. I go, well, this one is. This one would make you feel really good. This is something you might like. I can't even believe the things that I did or said are just not. Oh, yeah, wow. She was great. She was that way all through the interview. Incredibly candid and seems to have. Still have a good sense of humor about it. She certainly does. All right, moving on to best musical moment. The nominees for best musical moment are. Adam and Brian for Thick Lizzo. You know, it's interesting because we're simo. We're in an era where we're talking about, you know, Lizzo. We're. We're. We're not Thin Lizzy. No, that was a better time. Thick Lizzo. That was a little rock and roll. There's a new band in town, kids, called Thick Lizzo. Thin Lizzy. Tonight we're going to see some buttons rake. Hey, you, good looking female. It's a jailbreak. Some buttons break. That water was almost everywhere. Oh, my God. I need that validation. Right? The taco truck's back in town. Taco trucks back in town. Bam, Bam. It's got the soft swirl ice cream in the back. Yeah. Thick Liz out. Gina and Kyle Dunnigan for Islands in the Stream. I'm sorry, but what. What about rhinestone? I mean, oh, my God, of course. I got. I'm getting hot under the collar here. Doing this with Gina. Yeah. All right. I mean, I think you and I were born to sing Islands in this dream together. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's it. How's that start? You goes first. Oh, okay. Oh, you want me to be Kenny Rogers? Yeah. Okay. All right, Kenny Rogers. I'll be like, brawl with the big tits. Oh, okay, perfect. That checks out. Baby. When I met you there was peace unknown I set up to get you with a fat. I was soft inside. There was something going on. Take it slide. Yeah, you got something doing to me in my pants. I don't know what's going on, Gia, but let's take that chance. Aliens in the stream. You know Adam, Brian and AJ Benza for cleaning crew. Apparently, there have been a surge of complaints. And they of these soiled subway trains, they surged last year. According to MTA data, the workers union, Transport Workers Union Local 100, launched a trash train photo contest last October to highlight the filth and protest cuts to cleaning crews. All right, Cleaning crew is a great 80s band. I think they waiting. All right, so first off, Gina, for the Golden Girls porn parody. I'm just so happy that you're you golden girl. There's so much of you inside of me. I hope that part of me's inside of you, too. Every time your door unlocks I'll be standing there with my big box Waiting for my chance to blow You. Oh, way. I'm just so happy that you and Adam for Kung Fu Fighting. Carl Douglas. Everybody was Kung Fu fighting. No, no, no, no, no, no. Those cats were fast as lightning. In fact, was Louis bit frightening, but they did it with expert time. And you know Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas? Yes. Of course. Not that. Well, when you have no childhood, you have. You're in the ocean and there's buoys, you know what I mean? And anything nearby. Yeah. Like, who would want to cling to that colostomy bag floating in the ocean? It's like, hey, I'm gonna fucking drown. I got a styrofoam cooler and a colostomy bag and I'm fucking hanging onto it with both hands. And if it's Kung Fu fighting, I'm gonna sit and learn the words to it, because that's all I got. All right, so the winner. The winner, sorry. For best Musical Moment is. Adam Carolla for Kung Fu Fighting. Well deserved. Thank you. I don't take home many, many these ace awards myself, but that'll. That'll look good on the mantle. All right, number six installment of Rant of the Year. Our sixth nominee for Rant of the Year. Self imposed quarantine rules. There's, like a private beach place that's down on pch. I got a key for it and I dropped. I dropped my daughter and my son off there the other day with a pizza. And it's got a. It's. It's this outside patio. Big, outdoor, you know, perfect. It's perfect distance. It's outdoors. It's outdoors. It's perfect. So I dropped them off. I hadn't been in this place. I have this key fob to get in there. And I said, I'm going to go up the street, I'm going to park and I'll walk over and meet you. And 10 minutes later I got a call from Sonny and he goes, we want to walk to the condo. I got a condo up the hill. He goes, we want to walk to the condo and eat the pizza in the condo. And I said, why do I have to eat the pizza in the condo? You got a beautiful veranda there with all the tables and the. And the shade and everything. It's all right at the beach. And they're like, we're not allowed to go in there. We have to sit on a bench in the sun with the pizza on our lap. I go, what do you mean you're not allowed to go in there? It's open, it's outside, it's a big outside area. Yeah, they roped it off. And I said, I don't get it, why they rope it off? It's outdoor dining. It's just outdoor patio. It's just a long stretch of outdoor tables. And it's like, yeah, the chick that runs the place is super paranoid. And it's like things like, get the fuck over at that. Why is your neuroses my kid's problem? Why is your weak ass cowardly neuroses? Why is that my problem? I'm normal. I'm eating outside at the beach. Why? Why have you just decided to wave a fucking magic wand and ruin our lives? Why? Why? It's all self imposed. It's all self imposed. Why do. I wrote a fucking chapter. It said, gilded cage, minimum wage, whatever fucking book I wrote, probably in 50 years will all be checked. We took the dumbest people in the world. We put them in charge of everything. So, like, my kids are holding the pizza box going, can we sit there? No, you can't. You can sit over there on a bench next to each other in the sun. I. I don't know. You tell me what the difference is. This fucking safe but sorry thing, it's fucking insane. We took cowards and we put them in charge of everything. It's not. We just do it to ourselves. And then they're like, you know, we're hoping to reopen after Labor Day, like you're hoping. Or we could just do it now. Just do it right now. Right? Or just now. Or just we can just go sit there. Because it's outdoors. Yeah, but. But the, the chicks, she's really worried about this. Okay, okay, well then go sit in the corner and cut on yourself then if you're really worried about. Make that your problem. You're neurotic. That's your problem. Why is it my problem? God damn. No one understands what's going on. It's fucking rules. Rules, rules, rules. Yeah, here's what you can do. We're talking about for a million years now. The pussies are in charge. They're charged everybody and we just eat it. We just like, okay, we'll go somewhere else that. Okay, people. You like this? You want more? Here's a question. Raise your hand. Would you like more? You want more? You want more of this? Would you like to ratchet it up? I told you, the sign at the beach, it gets longer every year. It never gets shorter. You want more of this? You came to this country for more of this. Good fucking luck. I'm glad I'm old. Wow. Inspired. Now we move ahead to our fifth installment of Interview. Our fifth nominee for interview of the Year, Bryan Cranston. All right, Sonny, do you have any questions for Mr. Cranston? Do you have a favorite line or scene from, like, as Walter White or Heisenberg? Favorite line or scene? Some of these things came out that I didn't even know, like, I'm the one who knocks, or I am the danger or say my name or all those things that came out. But I just. So you can see why in the office chair, I have the original. Oh, you have the outfit. It is. Yeah. So I stole it from the. Taking it out. Taken out of the loose sight box. This is it. So now that's the. The original Heisenberg hat and his glasses. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, look at that. Say my name. Sonny. But, yeah, it was a good time. I. I so appreciate it. Sonny, let me ask you a question. Can I. Yeah. You're 14. By now you've started thinking there are certain things that I'm interested in, and I'm. And you've got high school right around the corner, and it's like, okay, so what am I thinking I'd like to do for a living when out of high school, out of college, and. And that sort of thing? I don't know. Something in the entertainment industry, mostly sports. I already started a podcast with some of the other people here. I thought maybe acting. I did drama for a little bit. That was really fun. I thought I was pretty good at it. Yeah. I think also something that like. Like. Like Stephen A. Smith. Something like a talk show or like commentating over a basketball game or a football game. Right. Is something that I'd want to do. Combines your knowledge of sports plus your ability to communicate succinctly as you're doing now. And you have. You have a. You have a very good voice. You have a good timbre to your voice. Thank you. All right, Sonny, hit the bricks and thank Mr. Cranston. Thank you, Mr. Cranston. It was good to meet you. I hope we get to meet some other time. Good to meet you, Sonny. Take care. I'm sorry. You have Adam as a father. You think Cranston's such a good dude, and you think about just the question, what would you like to do when you're older? And he's talking about some sort of podcast hybrid show. Stephen A. Smith. You get a hold of me when I was 14. What do you want to be? I don't know. Garbage man, something man. Fireman. Garbage man, fireman, policeman. Something with man. The janitor man. This garbage janitor guy. I'd like to man something. It's like, those are my choices. Like, well, I'm not a good student, so, you know, I'm not gonna be a doctor or lawyer. So something with a man, like a garbage man, Something like that. Like, those were the fucking options. Those were the fucking options. It's so fucking nuts how many options there are. None of them will work out. But anyway. All right. The one we always wait for with much anticipation. Most Uncomfortable Moment. Cheers. Let's have a drink. Yeah. The nominees for Most Uncomfortable Moment are. Adam and caller David. David, 48, from Boise, Idaho. Yes. What is your comment? Yes, I read your tweet about the everybody being played, and I'm pretty offended by it. I'm 48 years old, disabled veteran, extremely healthy, except for the fact that 19 months ago, I broke my jaw, and the VA put a plate in that was infected or had bacteria on it that gave me an infection. I've been on antibiotics for 19 months, and they told me if I get Covid, I have no immune system right now. I'm gonna die. So I think that you're oversimplifying this, and I think that you're taking advantage of this. Yes. You're saying it's okay for me to die. I'm a single father. Well, first off, I never. I never said your name. I was thinking it, but my name. You. You. You made a general accusation that it was. These people are gonna die anyway. I'm not gonna die just because of an infection, but if I get Covid, I'm gonna die. So a lot of narcissism in this pandemic. What. What Adam was trying to say is thank you for. This isn't just about me. There's plenty of other people out there that are like me, Gina, And Donald Trump Jr. I do notice when it comes to Twitter, when it comes to social media, there are certain mobs that are vicious to women, vicious, brutal, terrifying to some. And, you know, if you go and you click on their page, the only thing. Not the first thing, but the only thing you see is a MAGA symbol and an American flag, as though that's been a co Opted symbol that we all can't share because we're all happy to be here. So is there any way you could sort of speak to that? And I don't. Would you have anyone, anything to say to people who think that that's the way to go about political discourse? Well, listen, I Think a lot of that stuff is done. You see that, you know, sort of the anarchists showing up wearing MAGA gear to make it look like it's actually, you know, MAGA people when it's not. So I do believe there's a lot of smoke and mirrors. I mean, no one is around more MAGA people than me, probably. I just mean on social media. I travel around. Again, like I said, on social media, where everyone can pretend to be something they're not. So, you know, I don't know if that's real or if it's not. I follow most of the big MAGA accounts. They follow me. And I have not seen any of that, frankly. Right, that's what I mean. Not the big accounts. Well, and to your point, I'm not. I'm not even taking a side. I'm just saying gender specifically, and let's say that you're 99.9% right. And these are all created by leftist anarchists. If there's one guy out there who. Who truly believes in the message and may be distorting the message and thinks the best way to go about it is to attack and terrify women. Do you have anything to say to somebody like that? He disagrees with it. Adam and Tom Arnold, you know, but I'm talking about. Now I'm talking about every one of these situations. A white guy is not gonna get shot in the back. Me or you. They get shot all the time. No, no, no. The cops shoot them all the time. They don't. You don't see it. I can put footage. The news doesn't report it. Doesn't report it. Listen to me. Bad. They're cavalier. They're. They're more afraid of black men. They just. They look at them as less than and scary, but they still shoot white people. Not like they do black people, like they do black men. Black mothers have to warn their kids before they go out. And that's a fact. That black fathers have to have that talk that you don't have to have with white kids. And that's a fact. And that's it. That's not right. I agree. Okay. That's what I'm talking about. Why? That's the bullshit I'm talking about. That's the racism. I think it's at a higher level. That's not. Okay, right there. Adam and Chris, Dave Mason, you're on the line. I'm here. All right. I got a new headset. We're raring to go. Yeah, it's actually an old one. I Had to pull it out of the box. And an old, old one I used, but I guess this was gonna work better, so we'll see. Fingers crossed. Max Apata said we sent over a new one, but no, the new one. The newer one. Like the we. Oh, you hit new er. Yeah. You hit new er when you said it to me. Yeah, you said, it's a new ER one. No, when I said the new heads, I meant like, the new one that it's like, because he sent. Oh, my God, we got him a new one. We. Did you say new or new? I believe I said newer. You do believe that? Yes. You want to listen to our earlier conversation? We had a way we can do that. Would I have questioned newer? You said we got him a new headset. Good doctor. We tested. We sent me under the bust in. I'm sorry about that. All right. You said he had. The only part of this whole conversation is where you're convincing yourself. You said the word newer to me. Okay, don't convince yourself. That's making it easy on you. You never said newer. Newer's a weird thing. I'd go, what are you talking about? I mean, newer. Okay, you said we got him a new headset. I said he sent us a picture of the new. I guess, new headset. Yeah. He didn't say newer. That we used. Yeah, all right. We got him a new headset, but it's an old headset. That's newer. Doting mom. Do you think something. No, he has young. Young person escape syndrome. They escape conversations. They're Gabes out there going, we need more Tupperware. Like, no, we don't. You need to put the in the Tupperware. Chris loves it. You say newer. You hit words like newer, but you never said newer. I didn't mean that. It was a new headset. Am I to you? Not yet to. You said we got him a new headset. He's got a new headset. Do a read. That's what. That's what you said. Okay. You didn't say newer. That's what I'm saying. Stop that syndrome. Stop the syndrome. You didn't say newer. Okay? You said new. Okay. Can't do, boss. Tap out, tap out. That's all. Stay down. And Brian and Dawson, a little controversy from the TiVo game. Yeah, controversy. Got some. Did I win? Got some. People were upset about it. Dawson is very upset because he's a purist, and I think he feels like the sanctity of the game was destroyed. Dawson feelings. We got some revelations that Are really gonna blow you away and throw everything into question. Everything you thought you knew about your staff. It's gonna be thrown into question. I don't know exactly what he's talking about, But I went back after the game and listened to the game film, and I mean all of it. And I take umbrage, Gina. I went back too, and looked. Listen to my heart. And I know who actually won. I'm sure you did. I'm sure you did. But there was some kinky business happening. So the way the game ended with controversy was Gina thought she chimed in first. Brian swore. He chimed in. I ended up winning on Anaconda because even though I was down on points, I pulled it out in the end. You ended up winning when it was just between Brian and I. That's a real comfortable high victory. Yeah, for real. But as we checked the tape, it appeared that Brian clearly had spoken before Gina. It was shocking, which was not Gina's recollection or how could I have missed that? Right? It was. Was very pronounced. How. How indeed? All right, so do we have a tape? Yeah, we're gonna do. We're gonna do just a little bit of audio here to refresh everyone's memory at a cat skills resort. Gina, Gina. Gina, Gina. Dirty dance from 1987. And it is dirty dancing. We can play the horde playtape back there. Okay, so pretty clear. We heard. We heard Gina first there, but Brian protested, so we went back to the tape, and we replayed the tape during the news. Now, I had edited this out of the show. I listened to it. I originally stated that it was absolutely clear who won. Did not point in any direction. But it didn't turn out how I thought it did. Here's what happened later. A teenage girl vacationing for the summer. Pete, Pete, Brian. Blame it on Rio. I heard Brian. I heard Brian. That one heard Brian clearly right there. Right, Right. Yeah. Well, watch the video. I want you to watch Brian. Okay? Please. A teenage girl vacationing for the summer. Pete, Pete, Brian. Blame it on Rio at a Catskills resort. You guys all see that? Yes. That was a yawn. Did you see Brian say Brian? I put Brian in. He put it in post. He put it in post. He said his name. Now, we were all listening with our eyes closed. We were intellectually honest with the game. Brian cheated. You know, Brian cheated, and he continued to protest. Could have. That could have very easily been a hiccup. This makes every single win Brian has ever gotten in the Rotten tomatoes game. Yeah. Spurious at best. Yes. I Am shining a light. All of them. Let's. Let's look at his minus 16 under a magnifying glass for a while. Hey, Brian, remember when you were 16 and you had a little thing called character and you wouldn't take tips at the grocery store store? What happened between now and then? Well, he did have one woman stuff something into his bra. That's true. Smock. Brian cheated. Yeah. I think the real winner of this ACE Awards is Dawson. Right? Yeah. Yes. I mean, he is all over this thing. What's the. Oh, God. Tayson Hill. Is that his name on the quarterback? Tight end for the Saints. Yeah, the guy. Taysom. Taysom Hill. The guy just plays every position. He's just always out there. He's just always contributing. I think he's a football player. Adam. I think that's Dawson. Yeah, that's Dawson. It's hilly man. Jack of all trades. All right, let's see. Sorry. We got a winner. We do have a winner for most Uncomfortable Moment. Now, the judges have informed me that it was a stacked competition. They had a hard time judging. Dave Mason was the most uncomfortable person in that most uncomfortable moment. Probably true. Tom Arnold was totally comfortable. It's very strange. True. The winner of Most Uncomfortable Moment is Brian Cheated. Ah, yes. Ironically. Well, we're heading into the home stretch of the ACE Awards and we'll do that. Now. I notice Gene is drinking a little of the bubbly. Brian, you got a shot of vermouth in that ensure. How dare you. This is homemade eggnog this morning by Christy. And there is. I'm looking at old tub bourbon the dose. Something rum and brandy in here. So this is a little. Oh, it's got all that in there? Yeah. Oh, nice little splash of each. She made eggnog this morning. This morning. I know. Homemade. And really, really good too. Wow. Wow. Yeah. What a keeper. What a woman. Lucky man over here. Yeah, I missed the term keeper. Late ACE Award entry. Wife of the year. All right, Maker. Maker of eggnog. All right, we will take ourselves a quick break and then we'll come back. And we have interview, Song of the Year, more interviews, Guest of the Year, Rant of the Year. All after this. Due to the COVID 19 pandemic, Daytime ACE Awards were mailed to winners in the following categories. Most Depressed, Super Bowl Tweet. Nancy Jo Sales is a New York Times best selling author and director. Gina, what is football? What are cheerleaders? How do they connect to misogyny, militarism and rape culture? Are we allowed to ask These questions today when Americans are enjoying their bread and cheeses, dishes and beer. Not unless we want to have our throats slit. Fun. John Rich for best spontaneous country performance. He's bounding down, rolling up and trucking. We're going to show them what they say can't be done. We got a long way to go and a short time to get there. Watch out, phone. Watch old Bandit run. Yeah. If you don't love Burt Reynolds, get the hell out of my town. Right. Come on. Best old white guy moment. Who's going to the airport to steal a car? There's plenty of bad neighborhoods and plenty of bad cars around here. Look, see? I'm not saying if the car was made of solid. What? What's what? The Black Panther live and Wakanda. Makanda. Sorry. Floranium. Whatever metal they had over titanium, if it was made. I just want to hear Adam talk about superheroes. Black Panther was made of schwarz stanium or whatever they. Whatever they have. I don't. It's German for black. Come on. Best TV pitch. I want to pitch you a new show. I was watching Marcellus Wiley and another black gentleman talk, but what you. If you're just listening, you weren't watching. There was a blonde haired white guy sitting in between them. I want to pitch a show called Zip it, Whitey. Clay Aiken sits in between you and Marcel. You guys scream about Black Lives Matters back and forth, and he just goes, oh, yeah? Or oh, he just nods and kind of shrugs and asks if you guys want some postum at a certain point, and he gets up and leaves. But he's not allowed to talk. Danny Trejo for best moment. We couldn't think of a fake category for Jimmy Kimmel has a better life, a better family, and is certainly a thousand times richer than any of my friends from the valley who will never do anything for anybody unless you pay them. So how is it that the guy who's given away so much has so much more than the person that doesn't give away anything? Well, I think that that's that thing they call Carmen. You know, it's like. Like what? What? Hold on. Karmen is your aunt? Karma is the. Oh, Karma. Karma, yeah. The more you give, the more you get. And I honestly believe that that's the. The way the good Lord wants us to live. We're supposed to help each other. Most uncomfortable moment. Short form. The I voted sticker. And we've gotten into it before. Anyone wear those? Anyone need those? There's a lot of people just judging by social media. Does anyone need them? That's a very different story. How about the folk that takes a picture of themselves and posts it up? There are a lot of people who do that. I put it on my five hat. Yep. I mean. Oh, there you go. You don't have to like it. I don't particularly like myself. I just mean, what. It's voting. We finally agree about something. Here's the thing. So for me, first of all, I didn't put it on research this shit. Outstanding achievement and shitting on a point. Somebody tweeted me, a good rich man, poor man, no college loan debt. Loan debt? Yeah. Oh, yeah. None of my reasons. None of my poor friends have any college debt because they never went to construction sites. Yeah. Yeah. I worked my butt off since I was 13 years old to help pay for college. My parents made sacrifices. We were as middle, as class as it gets. And I got through college with zero debt. He did. Wow. Yes. Good point shooting right there. Well, it's good. It's. That is good, man. It was pretty solid. Best mansplaining. Wasn't it with Jason Paul? Jason Pierre Paul. Isn't he the football player that, like, blew his head? Blew his fingers off. He blew. But he still plays, right? Or. Well, he lost a couple digits, but I. He didn't blow his hand off. He blew his couple. But he could still. He could still throw a ball. He. Not everyone plays quarterback. They have different positions. And Chris locks Amana for most absurd actual search history. Vietnam condoms hanging from crane pants guy. Reese Witherspoon yelling at cops. Bob's classy lady intercom fart at Costco, Aloha Bobby and Rose soundtrack. Tom Hanks brother running LA Canada Prom 1973 Van Halen Hitler yacht. Well, so much good stuff here. You know, the thing that's always amazing about the ACE Awards is we have no idea what we're gonna hear going in. And always surprised. I think if you asked either one of us or anyone who's not privy to the compilation of the construction of this thing, what is gonna be played in Most Uncomfortable or Best Interview or whatever it is? I couldn't venture a guess. Not just that, like, when the clip gets going, I often don't know where it's going. I'm like, this is going to be interesting. I don't know where this is going every time. All right, so now we're heading into our sixth best interview clip. Our sixth nominee for interview of the year, Ed Calderon. That's where the donkey show that I really. Yeah. Around that area. Tell me how that worked. It was not there when we were there. Okay. So me and a friend of mine named Jaramillo can speak his name because he's left us. He was a scumbag of a person. One of those friends that, you know, talks you into stupid stuff. So he drags me down there. He says Harami was probably in his. Probably 48 back then, you know, very desperate individual. And I was young, he had kids, so I was the one with money. So he dragged me down there. We were headed towards this. This establishment of women, right? It's like the walking dead outside, except that instead of zombies, there's women, you know, and somebody pulls out a sign, like a cardboard sign with balloons on it that said, tonight only world famous donkey show. Mmm, timing. Yeah. So I turn over to Jarami and Jermill's all into it. Invite, inviting chicks over, like inviting some for me. It's like, no harm. This is all you, Right? You know what? It's a tourist trap. Let's leave. Harmony was like, just give it a chance. When he said that, the lights went out. All the lights went out. Pitch black, Pitch black. Careless whisper comes out. Was it. Was it one of the downstairs type things? So you're like in a basement. So you're waiting for the gimp. Like when it goes dark, dark, it is dark. There's no windows. It went dark as dark. And be a lady comes out dressed like Jessica Rabbit. Wow. She did not look like Jessica Rabbit, by the way. But she had the wig and the dress, you know, the gloves. She signals to these two individuals that are standing on opposite sides of the stage that now is the time, you know, that nod. And I thought there was going to be like two guys dressed as a donkey or a pinata donkey or something. It was a live, gray eeyore looking donkey, like a sad. His eyes were dead, you know, soulless animal. And she looks at us and starts stroking this donkey's back. And then she signals again to these two guys. So they grab the donkey by the legs and flip it over like a party table. Really? Yes. She took off one of her shoes and used her foot to awaken. He became tumescent. Yes. So this thing starts coming to life, you know, and she kneels down and grabbed it. She put it in and just leaned back like a. Like a. Like if she was on a sled. Right. So I looked at the situation, looked around, and you want said, you know what? Nobody's gonna believe me. So I grabbed my next cell phone, had A camera on it. Using all my training, you know, ninja government training. I slid the phone up my chest and the biggest camera flash ever coming out of a phone lit this smoke filled room. Waiter comes over, says, sir, you. You have to leave. I'm looking at this solo situation. Look at what's happening in front of me. I have to leave, right? Yes, you have to leave. So, you know, got kicked out. I got kicked out of a donkey show. Oh, he showed me the picture. He showed me the picture. Oh, yes. So you can confirm that this is a true story? I can confirm that I have been to Revolution street in Tijuana many times. And they have those downstairs bars, there's like storefronts and everything up top. And then you go down these steep stairs and underneath them are the strip clubs. Famously, we used to hang out at the. Yeah, the Unicorn was one. But you know, here's the thing about the stories. When they start talking about the song that came out to and the chick was dressed like Jessica Rabbit but not well, but didn't look anything like Jessica Rabbit, that's how you know it happened. That's. Those are the kind of specific parts that make up a real story. Those kinds of memories, as opposed to some crazy hot shit came out, some song was playing, was hot, man. And hopefully no one will ever hear Careless Whisper the same again. That's the goal. Yeah, I hate that song. All right, speaking of. Wait, we have a. No, we don't have a winner yet. We're moving on to song of the year. Yes, Dawson. And the nominees for song of the year are. Mike Dawson for Alaska Reporter Mashup. You Jewish piece of living. You have met your match. And you were my leading lady. I'm gonna get a Emmy. You have met your match. I can't believe I am such a good person and thought I loved you. I hate. I don't even hate you. I will pray for your highness missing out the things we did. Ass, you piece of loser. Find it once again. Hello. Kill yourself. Just like they did in the Key logo. I'm putting this on the news tonight. Bye. Have a great Friday. You Mike lynch and Rich Banks for love vote. Hello. Just Ace and some scotch. He's tuned in for a vintage watch. A show with an old washed up cast, pervy dudes and some tits and ass. Love Boats. The ship's doctor is out for fun. Love Boats. He's worse than Weinstein. You better run. Ace rants on his podcast about it with Dr. Drew. And when his binge watch is done, it's an open laptop and some porn. Hub. Yes, porn. Love both Scotch and po Straight, no chaser for Adam. Corolla Blues. Better not leave out your old coffee if that mug gets a ring stand he won't be happy. If you're doing your best that just isn't the way you need to do it. All best each and every day Be like Gina and B so your ch won't be recalled. Count those down in. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Drew Pinsky. No, Drew, this is your cue. No, I'm listening. Yeah, I don't think you're listening. Right. Yeah, right. I feel like super distracted. You. What's going on? No, no. The phone is not on. The TV is not. I'm listening to you. No, but we need to be listening to you sing. That's right. Yeah, right. You sing. You were a singer. Do you sing? Well, sometimes I do. Say what? I'll tell you what. You missed the entire bridge. Thanks. Wow. Rich Banks and Mike lynch for quarantine. Love Child I think you didn't want me didn't mean to conceive me Looking for some penetration hump cr ejaculation love child conceived in quarantine love child they COVID 19 love child you had nothing to do Love child because of who had flew My parents made me trapped, bored and shit Face down run my father's dick couldn't social distance from my mom they could have just kept masturbating Boy, they should have just watched Tiger King the love that they were making While all the news was breaking they'll end up regretting the child that they were forgetting Love child should have come on the boots mama could have blown you Love child in nine months you'll have a bride we don't because of a Chinese bat and Mike Dawson for the Jim Carolla Chuck Mangioni mashup. I'm already laughing. Oh, thank God my dad has no awareness of this show. There more money. The state of California on the bullet train. Or me on the $3,600 trumpet. Cuz I'm. I'm feeling the pinch about now. He's really helping out. Oh, it's awesome. Masterpiece. Wow. Cacophonous. So much good there. How do you pick one? Each time I heard one I was like, oh, that's the winner. And then the next one came along, I was like, oh, that one's even better. Oh my God. I will say this with Rich Banks. He is right in the Love Boat wheelhouse. Like his pitch is right there. Like that just sounded like the Love Boat I don't know. I'm so glad I'm not tasked with declaring a winner, but Chris could never do it. Chris and I also noticed that Jim Corolla would play really well in the Love Boat. So expect that in 2021, please. Yeah. Stacked category this year. But it appears that the winner is Mike Dawson for the G. For the. For the Jim Carolla Chuck Mangione mashup. Wow. I want to thank Jim Corolla. Yeah. I want to thank Adam's trumpet and the great Chuck Mangione for giving us the studio time and letting us all get in there. Well, if I know him, he's home right now not reading one of my books, drinking this all in. You know, that's his move. That's his thing. All right, you ask him, jim, what book you reading these days? He'll go, I'll tell you what book I'm not reading. Not reading, it's an easier question. All right, moving on with number seven. I think it's our last interview of the year. Our seventh and final nominee for Interview of the Year, Sean Penn. In this article, where you're talking about your dad being Blacklisted in the 50s as an actor not being able to work, I feel like some of that is going on today for various reasons. Do you have any feelings or thoughts on that? For me, the biggest concern is always the hypocrisy that I don't know a human being that looking honestly doesn't find hypocrisy in a day, much less in the last 10 years of their life, the last 20 years of their life, the last 30 years. And I'll call on the most controversial version of this because I've already taken some shit for things I've said. Look, the core of MeToo end time's up. Any moron knows is essential and real and something we need to get more devoted to. The core of it. The hypocrisy to me was when most of, and I will say not all, with some significant exceptions, most of the famous actresses that jumped onto that and maybe with genuine concern, had said shit all about our tax dollars going to bomb Yemeni children. Shit all for years. But now there was something to jump on in a pack and destroy people. Some of them destroyed, deserve to be destroyed. You cannot, you have no freaking business hurting a woman in this way. Nobody does or abusing power. But you also have no business, be you, a man, woman, child, black, white, whatever, in acting on it in a pack without looking back on your own actions in life. And Finding out how to balance and acknowledge those things. So what happens is that when we jump into a trend of attack, something that we are going to be supported in, and we know that that part of it takes no courage at all. And therefore there's a level of credibility that drains the core issue. There's a level of lack of credibility, I should say, that drains the core issue. I think. I think we know when people are genuine. We saw Dr. Blasey Ford testify. I'm telling you, I've been what you call a professional observer of human behavior for a long time. And if that woman said one thing that wasn't true, curse me dead. There was something so significantly genuine about the way she communicated. I'll leave it to others what that means about this judge who clearly his politics are obscene to me. That said, was he 19? And what do we want to do? And who are we? And I think each person has a different right and we make it up ourselves. But we've got to acknowledge our own hypocrisy in it, whether it had to do with the same trend or something else or something that's going to come tomorrow. But you don't need a McCarthy today. You need your neighbor, you need your friend, your colleague and all. They. And they get on Twitter or they get on whatever the other things are and can destroy anyone they like. And I'm not for it. All right. Yeah, very interesting. Thought provoking guy. All right, so, Dawson, you have the winner for Interview of the Year. Yes, we do want to thank all of our nominees. This was a fantastic year of the Adam Carolla show as far as compelling interviews. Bryan Cranston, Kirsty Alley, Ed Calderon, Artemis Pyle, Sean Penn, Rob Lowe and Andrew Yang. The winner of Interview of the Year. Any single one be justified. Yep. Leonard Skynyrd's Artemis Pile. Yeah, he was a. Interesting. I felt high after interviewing Artemis Bile. But, you know, maybe it's just the scotch talking, but you get into a routine. You know, you get up, you go to work, you know, your job becomes your job. The business is the business you get in a routine. So your mind or the fibers in your cells are trying to make you think everything is normal. And if you're in a concentration camp, your body's geared to make it think it's normal. Like, okay, tomorrow's tomorrow to get out of shock. Yeah, your body's pushing you into this stasis all the time. You jump into water that's 40 degrees. Your body's working feverishly trying to make it normal. You know, and if you jump into water, that's 110 degrees, your body's working hard to try to make it normal. So we just have the make it normal mode. That's what our bodies do. That's what our minds do. That's who we are. But it is bizarre that there's a job where you get to interview all these super interesting people, many of whom you were fans of long before, you know, you were in. I was involved with anything. I was a civilian watching all these people. And you have all these conversations and you go to this place and you work with people you want to work with and you have laughs and you exchange ideas in a medium, in a realm that didn't even exist a few years ago. Semi mind blowing. It's mind blowing. And then it becomes easy to get back on the treadmill and go, who are we talking to? What are we doing? How's it going? But, yeah, taking a beat. I think that's what acid is for. Or maybe mushrooms. Like, that's why you take a beat every once in a while and you go, jesus Christ. Just talking to Sean Penn about life for an hour. What world did that come in? All right, so now we move on to Guest of the Year. The nominees for Best Guest are. Dana Gould. A lot of people are surprised that there is such a wilderness setting in Southern California. And very rarely do they get past the tram building. I like the dead trees. There it is. Those go down. That's the greatest. Huell. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I'm just doing a little air check here. Huell. Yes. Most people burn dead trees. Lots of times there's termite colonies living in dead trees. Yeah. But when? Sometimes you'll find of decomposing carcass near a dead tree. That tree something we try to get away from? No, because when you're around anything that's dead, that's a reminder to you that you're the boss. You're in charge. You're the boss of a pine tree that's dead. Anything I kill or chop down, it becomes. It become. It becomes my tummy friend. Wait, Huell. Maybe there's a mess here missing. There's a log. It's. It's. It's a dead tree. It was a. It was a live tree. It was. Right now it's a dead tree. We were playing a little game called Angry Lumberjack and Withholding tree. Oh, it was. I gotta fill out paperwork. Come hither. Look, the tree was. You know. How so. Yeah. Whether it's and when I say tree, it could vary well, be a lost hiker pretending to be a tree or hiding behind a tree or just running towards the road. Anything. When you have an axe, you're a lumberjack and everything's. You know how they say when you have a hammer, every problem is a nail. Yeah. Well, when, when you have a, when you're pretending to be a lumberjack, every lost hiker's a tree. That's how I, that's how I see it. Dan Crenshaw. So I was thinking about you. I actually had a dream about you. I did. Yeah. It wasn't that day. It was kind of by. Really? That's right. It was, it was I wearing a. To say. But I was, I was thinking, what is underneath your patch? Do you have a glass eye? Is it just kept there? Got a lot of glass eyes. So today I usually wear the trident eye. Wow. What is that? Seen that? It's the seal trident. Oh, the seal trident. Wow. So it's actually a 24 karat gold earring that is, that is implanted into the prosthetic in this case. But I have like 12 of these things. And do you have any like sponsor ships like Pepsi, ups? It's a really good idea. Gatorade. I mean, come on, man, you're leaving money on the table. That's true. There's so much on the table. The. I, I've got a bunch of different ones. I've unveiled a few of them. I've got one of them recently was the Gonzalez flag. So the come and take it flag. You ever seen that? What's the Gonz flag? The Gonzalez flag is the, it's the come and take it where we have the cannon. If you've seen that. This is a cannon and it says come and take it. And it's from the battle of Gonzalez with the start of the revolutionist revolution. We have one in California that says please tread on me. And it's a, it's a cockroach crime. It's a cockroach going, ah. And there's this huge boot worn by Gavin Newsom. And it's like, like that. It's. We, we un. We bring it out on Veterans Day. Please tell me exactly what to do to stay safe. That's right. Oh, it's ridiculous. Adam Ray, let's. You got the, the opening to heart. To heart. Just so we can hear that Stephanie Powers is gorgeous. This is my boss, Jonathan Hart, a self made millionaire who's quite a guy. This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous. She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself. By the way, my name is Max. I take care of both of them, which ain't easy. Cause when it was murder. All right. Hey, Adam, Ray, I feel like you could do Max the butler. We're doing the opening for Hart to Hart, right? You're gonna say something good about Jonathan Hart. You know, he's self made millionaire, he's a genius, he knows what he's doing. And then when it comes to Mrs. Hart, you're gonna say something nice about her. Looks great. Great. What am I doing? Well, you're just driving along. Your name is Max, you're the butler, you take care of him. Ah, yeah, yeah. So that's my boss, that's Mr. Hart. He's smart, he's successful, self made man. That's Mrs. Hart. She's beautiful, you know. See what I got there? That's me, you know, I take care of these two, you know, and we tag it with when they met, it was murder. Perfect. All right, we got some music. Yeah, there we go. Oh, yeah. Okay. There we go. Driving along the freeway looking, looking real sharp looking like, hey, this guy might turn a couple fellas the other way if you catch what I'm putting down. Stephanie Hart. Oh, she likes that money. And boy does she look good. That's one girl that knows how to use a camel toe. I'm sorry, Lionel, Lionel, Lionel. So her name is. She's Mrs. Hart, but she's Stephanie Powers. You know what I mean? But she's not Stephanie Hart. You're taking the two? Yeah. You're kind of making a Reese's Peanut butter cup out of these two entries, you know? You see what I'm saying? Different name, right? And I think there was some sort of gay reference at the top. No, I just. There's a guy. Guys recogn game recognize, recognizing game type of thing. Okay, well, this is 1979, so I don't really know the term game recognizing game. I'll just go ahead and talk to my teenage stepson and see if he can fill me in on that. Sure, sure. Yeah. Okay. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Let's run it back. Here we go. There we go. Get the music. Robert Hart. Look at that guy. Self made, self made. Dude made his own money, can do what he wants to and will probably, probably get you to do what he wants to if you look like that too. Here we go. Driving in the car down the freeway, no cares in the world. Stephanie Powers. Has only got one care, and that's about making sure that sweet, sweet ass has got all the fixings. Because when Mr. Hart gets home, and that's me driving with my. But look, I. I don't mind being the butler. It's. It's a 22 second montage. Pick up the pace. I got it. Yeah, maybe shorten the pace a little bit as well. You don't need to say what they're doing. You know what I mean? We can see what they're doing, okay? We just want to hear what kind of people they are. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Talk about what's on the inside. You can see the outside. Roll it back. Here we go. Boy, boy, boy. It's heart time, baby. If you've got a heart deep inside your chest or maybe below the belt, you know what I'm talking about? It's Robert time, baby. Call him Rob for short. Get in his jet, get in his car, make sure you're sitting shotgun. He got one free open palm because it's gonna get used, if you know what I'm saying. And, oh, Stephanie Powers. Boy, she looks good. You know she's got three nipples. Don't take my word for it. Hashtag LeVar Burton. But there's things that I would do as a butler, like drive by myself to go pick up some peyote. I'm not saying it's for Mrs. Powers, but she does have a sweet, sweet, sweet vagina. They're murderers. Mark Garrigus. Dawson, just as an aside, how long does it take you because you did. Mistrial. How long does it take you to do 29 hours of an audiobook? The average of my books are about eight hours, and it takes me 400 production hours to put one together. All right, so Dawson didn't just hit off an ether rag. He's. There's something you don't know that there's something mechanically going on with your voice, Dawson, that's been slowed down. Your voice is unbelievable. Yeah, the thing be like an E.T. elliott situation where. Where Garos gets drunk and Dawson sounds like it. How does it sound now? There's an element of. It puts the lotion in the basket. Y. Buffalo Bill Dawson say it puts the lotion in the basket. Put the lotion in the basket. Now it places the lotion in the basket. Yes. Ask. Ask if she's a great big fat woman. Yes, she really big fat person. Is she a great big fat person? I still want to know if Dawson would rather have. Would you rather have that really low voice? What would you call that? A mistake? Would you rather have that, or would you rather be Jeff Toobin? Oh, my. Yeah, I'd go for the bad boys. Yeah, that's what I think. Mark, you want to hear my Jeffrey Tubin joke? Lubin Tubin. I want to hear, once you get caught beating off on Zoom, we get to start calling you Jeff. It's no longer Jeffrey. Okay, so I've known Tubin forever. I like Jeff personally. I consider him a friend. But there were some vicious, vicious just memes that showed who he was on with at the time that he allegedly. All of us allegedly was whacking the wood. Mark, what was he looking at? He was looking at three very challenged humans is all I will put. I can't put any more. You know, like he was beating off the Special Olympics. Yeah, like, hey, Adam, when you guys go back, Mark isn't flying the plane, is he? No. Gina, I'm coming to pick you up. And stop showing your shoulder, okay? Did you fly in just for this? If the IRS is listening, I flew in to meet with a client, all right? I get paid by reasonable doubt. And Adam Carolla show is a client, as is Gina. So therefore, under the IRS rules, this is a business expense. Okay? All right. What? Sorry, Dawson. What do we. Awesome Dawson. All right, so Mark's in the lead with two. Wow. Okay, Dawson. Awesome. Dawson, stop playing a word. And A.J. benza, this is my nephew, Joey. Yeah, this is A.J. versus RD. Yeah, no, it's not me. I know, but I like the letters. I like the RG and the ha ha, R D. Okay, See if you can pick out which is which. Oh, wow. La. Oh, man. Clearly, that one bike needs a tune up. Clearly. Throwing spark Pls and wilting flowers. A lot of mud on that track. That may be our greatest creative contribution to this society. And I was thinking, should I bring this up or not? Oh, always bring it up. Jesus Christ. Wow. Awesome. Dawson's got the winner of Guest of the year. The 2020 ACE Award winner for Guest of the Year is. Adam Ray. Yeah, so consistent. Always brings it. A good kid. Love that guy. All right, all right. Final Rant of the year. Our final nominee for Rant of the year. Drainage. I had a problem in front of old property mine. There was a big drainage problem. This big lake gathered up. I brought it up before, but it'd been a while, so it was like the city had planned it. The street dipped when it rained hard. The sewer backed up and it made a big lake. I went to the city and said, hey, can you fix this lake? They said, it's not our business. That's your property. I said, fine. I consulted with a drainage engineer. I had to pay him, like twelve hundred dollars. He came, he looked at the problem. He drew up a schematic, a plan of how to fix the problem. I then, because I have a building background, took my guys, at a cost of over $1,000 to me, and implemented what this drainage expert said to do. I then did that. It then worked perfectly. The city then slapped me with an ordinance that said, this is not permitted work. You had no business to do it. Tear it down. And I said, your drain wasn't effective. This drain is effective. I have a certified drainage expert who drew me a plan. Why don't we wait till it rains and see how effective it is? Well, it rained buckets a few weeks later, and it was 100% effective, just as the guy had planned. I heard nothing from the city. And till about three months later when I got another summons saying, tear it out or we'll tear it out. I then said, it's effective. It's on my property. I've solved the problem at my own expense. And it solved the lake that had been built up in the road that everyone was splashing through. That is on your. That is your highway. And they kept saying, if you don't tear it out, we're gonna fine you. And I was like, what are you trying to do at this point city? Are you trying to solve a problem? Are you punishing me because I defied you by fixing a fucking problem at my own expense? What kind of a relationship is this, dicks? I pay fucking taxes. And I picked fit your fucking problem. And I told them, hey, dicks, I'll take a fucking sledgehammer and destroy it. And then you'll have a lake. Is that the way you want to go? Because I don't fucking give a shit, you retards. This is the problem. The city has turned. The government has turned. We're now fucking subject. Fuck you. We don't work for you. Inspired by the way Mark Garagos has got involved and we're like suing people now. And we've still not been able to solve this odyssey that's gone on for three or four years now, which was city had a drainage problem. I fixed it. That is the long and the short of this, is the entire process. That is it. And they could just sign off on it and we could get the fuck on with our lives, but they don't give a fuck. And the reason they're not gonna sign off on it is because unlike in private business, where you have incentive, like there's a profit loss analysis, like you have to pick and choose shit. Their shit is, we'll just go on forever. We don't give a fuck. We get paid anyway. Essentially, this is the job. We get paid anyway, right? So they have no incentive to fix anything. And so you just go on forever. And they can go, eh. They said they were gonna come out and monitor it and if it drained, they'd sign off on it. And they never came out and monitored it. It did drain. And then later on they're like, man, fuck it, tear it out. All I'm saying is, is, do you want more? Do you want more of this? That's. I know, I'm a fucking broken record. Do you want more of these assholes? Cuz that's what you're voting for. You're voting for more of this. I don't find them to be efficient or courteous or effective. So if you'd like more of this, keep voting that way. I would like less of this. That's me. That makes me a dick. I guess that makes me a racist. I don't know how it works anymore. I would like less inefficient fucking bureaucrats fucking everything up. That's me. I don't know where all the faith. Where's all the faith come in. Like, we need more of this. These guys are going to sand. They don't handle anything, they don't solve anything. They just grow. That's all. I don't know why more people don't understand it. All right, so that was Rant of the Year. We're going to announce the winner of Rant of the Year. That's right. This is the one category where Adam Carolla is guaranteed to win yes every year. Again, our nominees were drainage, self imposed, Covid rules, California taxes, Reopen the schools, Right wingers, debate questions, and Comedy Store reopening. The winner of the 2020 ACE Award for Rant of the Year. Reopen the schools. Yes. Timely. Yes. Tried to bring that up in front of my daughter last night. She yelled at me. She doesn't want to open the schools. She's. She's pretty hard left, you know. And I said, why this? Why is your school closed? And she said, COVID 19. I said, that's not why your school is closed. Your school is closed because we have Gavin Newsom as a. And she went, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to hear it. No, case closed. Did not want to hear it. It's just closed because of COVID That's all. All right. But don't worry. There's Sonny. He's her yin to her yang. All right, let's see. We have an outro. Yes. Sorry. Oh, I have a spot also. Have some thanks. So we got to get to the thanks. People have done a wonderful job this year. Simply safe. Everyone wants to keep their homes safe, family safe. Break ins, flood, fire, medical emergency, floods. I just added that. Drainage issues. Simply safe. Drainage issues. 24. 7 protection. No long term contracts. Get a free home security camera when you purchase SimpliSafe@simplisafe.com Adam. All right, there's a lot of people that make this show possible. There's Dawson and Mike lynch and Kalyn and Gary and Matt the porcelain punisher Fondelier and Emmy and Chris and Mike August and Haley and Megan and Ryan and Jen and superfan Giovanni is always on top of everyone. Dick Banks, Gina and Brian. There's so many people behind the scenes and in front of the scenes if we're going to keep it consistent. So the show, the live show is going to be back January 4th. We'll do Corolla classics. Until then, I can be found and we can be found at Naples, Florida. Off the hook. We're doing standup and a live podcast there January 16th and 17th. So maybe Garagos is going to fly us out. We shall see about that. Awesome. Dawesome live podcast and stand up Burbank Pickwick Bowl January 23rd. And as well as Oklahoma City Bricktown Comedy Club February 26th, 27th, we have an outro, Max Zapata. Or we'll say mahalo first. All right, so another great year. Thank you guys. Mazel tov. Couldn't have do it. Couldn't do it without you. A hoist and hug. And until next time, Sam Crawford, Gina Grad and bald Brian. Say it. Mahalo. Thank you for joining us for this year's ACE awards. Share it with a friend and show them what they missed in 2020 and get them listening in 2021. Produced by Mike lynch and Mike Dawson, co producers Chris Locksamana, Gary Smith, Kalyn Bean, Emmy Funes, Matt Fondelier and Ryan Smith. Special special thanks to archivist superfan Giovanni orchestra and score for the ACE awards. Thanks to extreme music recorded using rode microphones, edited on Adobe audition and mastered on Abbott Pro Tools COVID 19 medical safety advisors to the ACE Awards were Dr. Drew Pinsky and Common sense catering by Tinhorn Flats, you, Mayor Garcetti Hotel accommodations by that place in San Francisco where they're letting the junkies crash travel to the Ace Awards furnished by Mark Garrigos private plane. The ACE Awards. Awesome, Dawson. A Corolla digital production. All right, this is Adam Corolla Show 2967 featuring Gina Grad and Brian Bishop from 20 20. That does it for today's cruel classics. Tune in next time for even more fun clips. Help and get it off it.