Vince Vaughn + Lou Diamond Phillips (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Vince Vaughn + Lou Diamond Phillips (Carolla Classics)"

Release Date: December 13, 2024

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Introduction to Corolla Classics

The episode begins with Corolla Classics host Giovanni introducing the segment as a compilation of the best moments from the Adam Carolla Show's 15-year history. The focus is on memorable interactions and engaging conversations with notable guests, setting the stage for a nostalgic dive into past episodes.

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Technology and Time Change

One of the standout segments features a 2013 clip with Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Allison Rosen, and Bald Bryan discussing the inconveniences of time changes in modern technology. Bald Bryan humorously critiques the reliance on CGI in movies, lamenting the loss of practical effects and stunt work:

Bald Bryan (02:29): "I feel like we're the generation that's caught in between... CGI is not fantastic. It's good. It's not great."

Allison Rosen adds to the conversation by reflecting on future generations' perception of current special effects:

Allison Rosen (03:19): "Our kids will laugh at us for liking the special effects that we like in the last 10 years."

The discussion highlights the transitional phase between practical effects and CGI, emphasizing a nostalgic yearning for the authenticity of older film techniques.

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Parenting and Relationships

The conversation shifts to parenting, with Bald Bryan sharing anecdotes about wrestling with his children and the symbolic meaning of bracelets. He humorously critiques the prevalence of men's bracelets and their often superficial backstories:

Bald Bryan (08:52): "86% of males under 40 have bracelets now. And it's weird that they all just have bracelets."

Dr. Drew joins in, pondering the deeper motivations behind accessory choices and their impact on personal relationships:

Dr. Drew (10:54): "Have you ever gotten a real look at them?"

The segment underscores the complexities of modern parenting and the subtle ways adults navigate their relationships with their children.

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Movie Discussions: Ulysses Gold and Lorenzo's Oil

The hosts delve into discussions about impactful movies like Ulysses Gold and Lorenzo's Oil. They explore how personal crises, such as a child's illness, can drive individuals to become experts in specific fields:

Bald Bryan (40:02): "When you have something that all of a sudden your 7-year-old has, you become the world's foremost expert in that field."

Allison Rosen adds context by summarizing the plot of Lorenzo's Oil, highlighting the emotional depth and real-life inspirations behind the film.

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Hollywood Experiences and Missed Opportunities

Bald Bryan reflects on his experiences in Hollywood, particularly the challenges of pitching original sitcom ideas. He criticizes the industry's reluctance to embrace innovative concepts, lamenting the missed opportunities to develop unique content:

Bald Bryan (97:03): "If the sitcom moments had worked out, we'd be in season four or whatever it is right now, and maybe the podcast would be just a distant memory."

The discussion reveals the frustrations faced by creators in a competitive environment that often favors conventional over creative storytelling.

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Interactions with Celebrities: Vince Vaughn and Lou Diamond Phillips

A notable highlight of the episode is the interaction with Vince Vaughn. They discuss Vaughn's latest movie, Delivery Man, and his experiences in Hollywood:

Vince Vaughn (167:17): "I'm very supportive of Ron Paul, but I've always been more conservative than not."

Bald Bryan shares a personal story about meeting Vaughn, emphasizing the genuine camaraderie and mutual respect between them. The conversation also touches on Vaughn's views on politics and the importance of individual liberty:

Vince Vaughn (171:37): "The real purpose of government is to protect the individual's right to think as and pursue what they have interest in."

Lou Diamond Phillips joins the conversation later, sharing amusing anecdotes about his attempts to meet Robert De Niro and his experiences in the film industry. His playful storytelling adds a light-hearted dynamic to the discussion.

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System Implementation and Personal Anecdotes

Bald Bryan elaborates on implementing a system to manage household responsibilities, using humor to convey the challenges and benefits:

Bald Bryan (156:21): "It's just a system. It's a short. Let me explain something."

He shares struggles with coordinating events and maintaining order, illustrating the practical applications of the system in everyday life.

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Conclusion: Reflections and Future Episodes

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the importance of curiosity and continuous learning. They encourage listeners to embrace systems that enhance productivity and reduce daily frustrations, tying back to earlier discussions on technology and personal growth.

Bald Bryan (36:47): "I've always said this. If my kid's curious, you never have to think about them again. They'll educate themselves."

The episode concludes with previews of upcoming shows and segments, promising more engaging content and celebrity interviews in future releases.

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Notable Quotes

• Bald Bryan (02:29): "CGI is not fantastic. It's good. It's not great."
• Allison Rosen (03:19): "Our kids will laugh at us for liking the special effects that we like in the last 10 years."
• Bald Bryan (08:52): "86% of males under 40 have bracelets now. And it's weird that they all just have bracelets."
• Bald Bryan (97:03): "If the sitcom moments had worked out, we'd be in season four or whatever it is right now..."
• Vince Vaughn (167:17): "I'm very supportive of Ron Paul, but I've always been more conservative than not."

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This Corolla Classics episode of the Adam Carolla Show offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions, capturing the essence of the show's long-standing appeal. Through engaging dialogues and memorable quotes, listeners gain a glimpse into the relatable challenges and entertaining banter that define the program.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4 Vessel of Hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred, available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle. Rated M for mature Glad Shrink Filling.

[Bald Bryan]

Pun so fresh Glad Stretch let's drink.

[Allison Rosen]

With scents that take you back.

[Bald Bryan]

Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said get out the chat room and clean my bad Stretch Feeling Pine Soul Fresh the Glad girl group coming at you with a throwback jam that.

[Allison Rosen]

Was Glad Force Flex Drawstring trash bag featuring Pine Sol original scent.

[Bald Bryan]

And that's better than all good. It's all glad.

[Allison Rosen]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we put the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Kurla Classics. It's ad free and exclusively available through Adam Kroll's substack along with the brand new show Beat it out with Adam and Jay Moore and many other early end commercial free releases. It's totally worth your time. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us. Classics now on to the clips. Come up first debut Adam Carillo show 1199 from back in 2013 with guests Carolyn Hennessey, Allison Rosen on News and ball. Bryan of course doing the sound effects and chiming in as well. Hope you guys enjoy this clip.

[Bald Bryan]

Good day Allison Rosen Hello Adam Carolla Good day Allison. I mean it's gona be one of those days. Oh my God.

[Dr. Drew]

I agree with Charles Manson. It's very insulting for both of us.

[Bald Bryan]

Got up early this morning, much more than had a few beers, watched some football and then fell asleep and then got in here. Like I woke up like oh my God, I gotta be somewhere, wake up but not asleep. It passed out all right. No, no, I volitionally took a nap.

[Dr. Drew]

You've got the time change advantage though. You're really an hour and a little bit late.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I gotta. Let's talk about this time change business. The clocks. I've said this before. I feel like we're the generation that's caught in between like cgi. In the past there was just stuntmen, whatever you could pull off. You know, you watch a movie, Bullet. It's like, however you could drive a car, however you could steer a car. That was it. And all the movies that came before it. You hung from the back of a team of horses. You jumped up to the front of the team of horses. You jumped onto the train. There was some creative cutting in there, but that was a stuntman. Now it's cgi, and there's some stunt stuff and some cgi, and it's like, the CGI is not fantastic. It's good. It's not great. One day you won't be able to tell the difference. Right now you kind of can. And it's a little bit of caught in between.

[Allison Rosen]

Our kids will laugh at us for liking the special effects that we like in the last 10 years.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. They'll think it's very fake the way.

[Allison Rosen]

That we laughed at our grandparents for King Kong or whatever.

[Bald Bryan]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what I mean?

[Bald Bryan]

That's right. Clash of the Titans or whatever. Claymation or whatever was going on back then. Right. With the clocks. I woke up this morning. One clock said 8:35. The other clock said 9:35. They were both sort of advanced clocks, like the ones that kind of plugged in and kept track of the satellite. At some point, I got into my car and one said 9:45. And the clock in the car, which is $100,000 Jag that they, by the way, they need back in the next week. But they gave it to me for a year. The clock in the car said 10:45. The clock on my phone said 9:45. It's now more trouble than it's worth. When we grew up, when the time changed, you had to change every clock. You had to go to the kitchen. You had to go to the oven.

[Allison Rosen]

That was a good half hour's task.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Go around the house and change the clock.

[Bald Bryan]

Go around the house, change the clocks. Go to the car. If there was one in the car. If you're lucky enough to drive a car that had a clock in it and change it. Now we're in a no man's land of. I'm not sure which has changed. Like, if I got into my car and I did get in my car this morning, I threw my kids in there. We went out on a run. It said 11:35. I was like, oh, well, it must be 11:35, because this car is smart. This is a highly advanced automobile. It's $100,000 car. It knows to change, but it didn't know to change.

[Dr. Drew]

I Had the same battle with my car and other things around my home that I feel like should know, they should know.

[Bald Bryan]

The only thing worse than the meaning, living in a land where nothing changes itself is actually better, preferable than living in a land where half of it changes itself.

[Allison Rosen]

And you gotta guess like now this thing's expensive and the technology seems good, right? So it should know, right?

[Bald Bryan]

That's why everyone needs something with a battery that's old, that has hands on it just hanging somewhere, old, reliable, that you can just. I was like, I woke up this morning, I was like, it's 8:35. Oh. And then I looked at the other clock and it's 9:35. And I was like, huh? And then I walked into my bathroom to the clock that's $8 and was hanging on the wall and it's 9:35. Like it's got a battery, it's not going anywhere. God would have to come down from the heavens and change the hands. But why is this okay? Like, why on a car that's $100,000 car does it do everything but suck your dick and it doesn't change the clock?

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. I don't understand that. My car costs considerably less, but it's connected to things that happen in the atmosphere. So it should know.

[Bald Bryan]

And this day forth, shouldn't everything that doesn't change let you know, like, I ain't changing, buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

In cars that have GPS and that can tell you the traffic in real time, it would seem harder to not just put that chip in there that can update the rate the cloud.

[Bald Bryan]

The car does not change. Although yes it does. It is connected to a satellite that is 70,000 or 100,000ft in the air and circles the globe at 17,000 miles an hour. But it will not connect with the clock.

[Dr. Drew]

I bet someone is going to say it has to do with Arizona and they can go fuck themselves.

[Bald Bryan]

I agree. Another one that was fun was I was wrestling on Friday. Friday I hustled out from Dana Point to get to the bevmo and the Glendora bevmo, which was a delightful drive. And there was Mike August dutifully waiting for me, just standing there in his weird shorts and no socks. But I drove out there and got home, had a nice big wrestle session with the kids and good to wrestle. I don't know. There's a lot of PSAs about what to do with your kids, about reading with your kids and feeding your kids and things like that. Wrestling with your kids. It's really about the best thing you can do. Thank You. Hi, I'm Stone. Colt. Steve Austin. No, it's visceral. It's contact. There's sort of something that's tactile about it. It's just a way. It's sort of somewhere between hugging and arguing. It's wrestling. It feels good. It feels like you're a dad who's involved. Like, I'm wrestling with my kids on a Friday night.

[Allison Rosen]

I used to wrestle my uncles and my dad and everyone. And it reminded me, as a little kid, also that and, oh, this person is very strong and can take part, take care of me. They have muscles and they're much stronger than I will be for many years.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Possibly ever. It's a nice message to send. So I was having a nice big wrestle with the kids in the bedroom, as I'm apt to do, and it was Friday night, and Sonny's bracelet hit the ground. And I thought to myself, what percentage of dudes are rocking a bracelet these days? Like, I turn on the tv, are you grown dudes? Grown dudes. Like, I turn on the tv, I watch Catfish. Both the dudes are wearing bracelets. And they're not gay. They're not. They're not. They're not dandy fellows, you know? I mean, they're just dudes. They're regular dudes.

[Dr. Drew]

They're just dudes who enjoy a little ornamentation about the wrist, right?

[Bald Bryan]

And there's always a story like, oh, this was given to me by my nephew, and he has testicular cancer. And he. Like, I get it. Everyone has a story. Like, nobody goes, here's what the story isn't. What's up with the bracelet? I went to the Bracelet Emporium because I thought my right arm was feeling a little bit light. I found this offering, I put it on, and now I feel much better about myself.

[Dawson]

That is the greatest story I have ever heard.

[Bald Bryan]

No bracelet story goes that way. It's always like, my nephew or my friend or something with cancer or someone's overcoming something and somebody did something as somebody's going for the US Olympic, whatever. They gave me this bracelet.

[Dr. Drew]

The story always goes that way. Or that's the truth. Because do you think someone ever just goes to Bloomingdale's?

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know. I'm looking at Dawson's bracelets. I just thought, really? 86% of males under 40 have bracelets now. And it's weird that they all just have bracelets. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know. Here's my whole thing.

[Dr. Drew]

I think we should just ask.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't feel being satisfactory with Dawson. Who are we attracting? You know what I mean? And if the answer is nobody, I do it for myself. Then kill yourself because that's no answer. Doing shit for yourself is no answer in my book. My thing is, who are you getting? The dude I work with on Catch, a contractor, has got a couple of bracelets, but he's married. Somebody gave him those bracelets. I don't know who. He's. Is he intimidating other men? Is he attracting other women?

[Dr. Drew]

Have you gotten a real look at them?

[Bald Bryan]

One of them just looks like Cocoa Pebbles with a string through them. I keep staring at it. They're like little lava rocks with a string through it.

[Dr. Drew]

Okay, I just.

[Bald Bryan]

My life is. My life is so much. My life is 100% geared toward. Why? What's that? Like, if you're a dude and you're married, like, what are you even doing? You're married. What are you trying to attract your wife? She's obligated to suck your dick by law. By law. There's a piece of paper.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, yeah, no, I've seen it.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, you've seen it. There's nothing you can do about it. Nothing she can do about it. Who we trying to draw into this web?

[Dr. Drew]

Growing up, anytime my mom saw anything, hope she doesn't hear of us creative. She'd be like, what is the point of that? I mean, what is the. Any piercing at all whatsoever? It was always just, what is the point? And I. And any sort of androgynous. Anything on a dude, like, what is the point? You guys should have spawned.

[Bald Bryan]

All is forgiven. If you're attempting to get laid, that's fine. But there's a lot of guys that just have bracelets who are married or are seven. Like my son. So I was wrestling my son and my daughter.

[Allison Rosen]

What guys is he supporting?

[Bald Bryan]

And find a pube for seven year olds who don't have pubes. And I wrestled him. I was wrestling him. I was wrestling my daughter. She's vicious and she kicks and screams and punches and stuff. And we're wrestling and I threw him to the ground. At some point, I saw his bracelet sitting on the ground and I said, oh, little girl, you dropped your bracelet. By the way, this stuff doesn't work. The stuff where it's like, oh, you got your fingernails painted, little girl. I got a mani. Petty with Mom. What are you talking about?

[Dr. Drew]

You mean your efforts at shaming aren't sticking?

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, Teflon baby wax paper. So I said, oh, look, your bracelet, little girl. And, you know, he was like, that's mine. And so at a certain point, he has a necklace, too.

[Dr. Drew]

Are they a set?

[Bald Bryan]

No, they're from the same. One of the same parents, but not both, you know, they look similar.

[Dr. Drew]

Blended family.

[Bald Bryan]

So I said, oh, little boy, your girlfriend must have got you a necklace. That's so sweet. And he said very defiantly, that was my boyfriend. Like, he said it, like, with gravitas. He said, that's my boyfriend. That's my man. My man got me the necklace. My lady friend got me the bracelet. And I just thought again, not sure what the bracelet gets. You don't have any. I don't have any big qualms about it. My feeling is just this. Why? What's it doing you? How's it helping you? What are we getting out of this again? If it helps you, Dawson probably helps you get laid.

[Dawson]

I guess it did when I first started wearing this. It was, you know, when you're performing on stage and playing the shiny things. Shiny things look good.

[Bald Bryan]

Chicks are like bass.

[Dawson]

That's why a lot of people get arm tattoos.

[Bald Bryan]

Arm tattoos.

[Dawson]

I didn't want to go that route.

[Bald Bryan]

But you got the bracelet.

[Dawson]

But. Yeah, my grandfather, it was fucking rancher man's man.

[Bald Bryan]

Always wore gay for what? Always.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Always had a bracelet. All as I was, you know, growing up. And this guy was. He was a fucking cowboy bracelet. Well, he had. It was a copper one.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, copper.

[Dawson]

And so I got his copper bracelet. But copper turns your wrist green.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

So I thought one day, you know what? I'd like to give my bracelet to my grandchild.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

So I'm going to get. And then I bought myself that one, man.

[Bald Bryan]

Maybe I'm jealous. Carson Daly has a tattoo of like. Of like. I think it's like. I think the Chevy Corvette or something like that. And is what? Yes. Like, there's a Chevy Corvette is like a flag, and it's like two flags crossed.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And his dad was very close to him. His dad passed away and his dad loved Corvettes and he got the. I don't feel like I'd get a flugel horn or some valve oil. Like, I don't know what. I don't give a shit about my dad. Like, there's no one in my family I give a shit. Enough. Enough about getting a tattoo for. Maybe I'm just jealous that people. Pot of goulash. It's just going to look like stew. Like, hey, nice dinty Moore. No.

[Dawson]

Been on my wrist since I was 22 years old, so that's good. 18 years now.

[Bald Bryan]

Keep the party going. Yeah. All right, look, I know it means a lot of things to a lot of people. That's the other thing, too. That's my other problem is like, people tell you what it means. Nothing means anything to me. Whatever you do, whatever you have done today, that means something.

[Dr. Drew]

Have you never worn any sort of jewelry or anything like that?

[Bald Bryan]

No. It costs something, number one. Number two, even if it's free, it's like, what's it going to get me? And then three or four or five. I hung out with guys like Ray and Chris who'd want to know what that thing is doing around your neck. Around.

[Dr. Drew]

But in the 70s or. Yeah, 70s, weren't necklaces on guys popular?

[Bald Bryan]

No, not. Well, I was in junior high in the 70s, but by the time I got out of that. No, didn't work. I mean, I had guys that would need answers as to why you were wearing whatever you're wearing. Puka shells? Italian horn. Maybe in junior high, but after that, forget it. All right, let's see. Half tarred. Gary, little problem with our app.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4, Vessel of Hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred. Available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle. Rated M for mature.

[Bald Bryan]

After the end of a good fight, you deserve an ice cold reward. Medela. You put in the hours, the energy, the tough labor. Because you know the bigger the fight, the better the reward. Medela the markup Fire Greek Responsibly Beer imported by Crime Import, Chicago, IL. NetCredit is here to say yes because you're more than a credit score.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Apply in minutes and get a decision.

[Bald Bryan]

As soon as the same day. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit. Applications subject to review and approval. Learn [e-mail] partners. NetCredit credit to the People if you.

[Adam Carolla]

Could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Bald Bryan]

Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should.

[Bald Bryan]

Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like. [e-mail] An OHA initiative yeah, we. We are switching app providers. It's going to be a much better experience for everybody. But in that transition, our current provider brought everything down. So the new app will be coming. We'll let you know on the podcast as soon as it's up. It'll be available for Android and iOS. It should solve all the problems we've been having. It'll include access to our archives. But for now, there is no Adam Carolla app. Don't download Acecaster. That is not us. That's the reason shows are missing from that app. That's somebody else who's trying to capitalize on Adam's work. So don't download that. In the meantime, go to Stitcher, or you can use the itunes podcasting app, and we will have a much better experience coming for you guys very soon. We really apologize for the inconvenience. All right, that works. I get tweets. I never know what they're about. I don't know how apps work, but we'll figure it out. All right. Phone calls. Bald Brian Baldiwood. You saw a movie?

[Allison Rosen]

I saw a great movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Hear about that now or later. It's up to you.

[Bald Bryan]

A lot of good stuff out there.

[Allison Rosen]

A lot of good stuff. A lot of stuff that looks. I've seen a couple good movies, and there's some more stuff that looks really good.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, let's get some calls up there, and we'll. We'll hear about your movie, your latest one. All right, we have hooray for Baldiwood. We have a couple of phone calls. Maybe we'll take one call, and then we'll do a little hooray for Baldiwood. Marcy?

[Caller]

Adam, can you hear me?

[Bald Bryan]

Dallas 32. What's going on?

[Dr. Drew]

Okay.

[Caller]

You know the phenomenon where that you and Drew have where you and listen to somebody's voice and tell all these things about them? Just wondering if you get from my voice that I'm emotionally immature.

[Bald Bryan]

No, I don't really. I get a little sing songiness, but.

[Allison Rosen]

I can the words you just said indicate that you're emotionally immature.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. But I get that little sort of Dallas twang going, so it's hard. But are you immature?

[Caller]

Well, I'm 32 years old, and I date a guy who is two years my junior. And, you know, he seemed like he's into older stuff, like he likes.

[Bald Bryan]

So he's 30?

[Caller]

No, he's 10 years younger than me.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, but two years your junior. All right. Yeah, he's 22.

[Caller]

I'm 32. He's 22.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, hold on. Guys that are 22 are worthless unless you have to move.

[Dr. Drew]

They look good, though.

[Bald Bryan]

They look good.

[Dr. Drew]

It's really flattering when they show interest in you, though. They show interest in everything for looking.

[Bald Bryan]

At and helping move. Like looking at boxes that need to be moved with their shirt off. Like there's just. There's nothing there if you need to move. They're good. Whatever's coming out of their mouth is completely and utterly worthless. Like there's nothing there. I don't know. I feel sorry for all men and women who attempt dating. Like, you know, when they go, well, he's 23 and she's 27. Like he's 23, he's worthless. There's nothing.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes. But a woman can get to a point where she's sick of the guys that are the same age as her and she's frustrated by them and there's just a whole bunch of bullshit that she's trying to avoid. And then it's like, why not go have sex with someone who looks great.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

And treats you well for a while?

[Bald Bryan]

Agreed. Maybe that's. That's Marcy's point.

[Caller]

Marcy, you hit the nail on the head. It's so funny because what he does for a living is he's actually a mover.

[Bald Bryan]

Thank you.

[Caller]

I. He looks good with his shirt off. And I agree 100% though, and every other way. He is absolutely worthless.

[Bald Bryan]

They're bred to be worthless. Look, they're supposed to go to war and die. Never come home. We don't need them. There's nothing, nothing they can do except for charge machine gun nests. That's all they can do. There's really. There's no conversation you can have. They're just. They're worthless.

[Dr. Drew]

Their brains are still forming.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, that's fine. You can have sex with them or you can move. Or you can have them move you while they're banging you. Like U Hauls have grandma's attic up there up top. Have them banging up there while you're going down the highway.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. And they have the ties on the side that you can hook yourself.

[Bald Bryan]

That puts a bubble wrap down so you don't hurt shelf or chafe or something.

[Dr. Drew]

Removing blankets.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, Put one of those pads down. I'm banging on that. But make sure it's in grandma's attic up there on top of the U Haul there attic.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, let's find out why she's dating him.

[Bald Bryan]

Moving and fucking. Right.

[Caller]

That's a hundred percent true. I mean, the Sex is really, really good. I'm 30, I'm in my sexual prime. His 20s in his sexual prom. And it just kind of goes together. But other than that, there's really not much else I get from.

[Bald Bryan]

All right. Was there a marriage that you left? What happened?

[Caller]

Yes, I was married. Was married to a guy that I was with for 10 years. But he worked out of town all the time. He was a crane operator. And I never saw him and he didn't pay attention to me, and I was starting to feel old, and now he did.

[Bald Bryan]

Building or talking about the bird?

[Caller]

What?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Okay, there's a bird. Yeah. I don't know if you should punish a guy for working if he's.

[Caller]

You're 100% right, Adam. You're 100% right. But he worked out of town all the time and we just. Our relationship just kind of. It wasn't. There wasn't anything there anymore. We got really young and.

[Bald Bryan]

When do you have kids?

[Caller]

I mean. No.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay. All right, well, so what do you.

[Dr. Drew]

Ask about the 22 year old?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, that's your kid.

[Caller]

I mean, another thing, you know, I was. I was hot when I was 20. And it's not that I'm ugly or anything, but once you turn 30, you kind of. It's kind of flattering that a 20 year old guy still finds you attractive. I mean, a lot. But I just wanted to see if from my voice you thought that I was emotionally immature. I talked to Drew about this and he said no, but I've heard y'all disagree before, so I just wanted to, you know, get your opinion on that.

[Bald Bryan]

No, I'm not hearing that in your voice. I respond just sort of viscerally to whatever's going on in someone's tone. I don't have that. What do you do for work?

[Caller]

I manage apartments.

[Bald Bryan]

Apartment manager. By the way, I can do the apartment manager math. When you say manage apartments, if you say restore cars, car restore. I don't hear the second laugh. Restore cars.

[Dr. Drew]

You can do it in real time.

[Bald Bryan]

Car restore. Oh, oh, that's different. Apartment manager is one of these gigs. It could be good, could be bad. It means you usually, if you live in the building and you manage that building and you get free rent or half off, it's bad. Is that you, Marcy?

[Caller]

Yes. I live in the exact same building as the office, but I don't get free rent or half off, but I get $150 off.

[Bald Bryan]

What the hell?

[Caller]

But I like walking to work. I can walk to work, and that's awesome.

[Bald Bryan]

Walk to work by getting out of bed. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

You can fall to work.

[Bald Bryan]

You go to kids. Yeah. When you put your feet on the carpet, you're at work, right. Get 150 bucks a month off and.

[Dr. Drew]

She gets paid for it.

[Bald Bryan]

It sounds like you get 150 bucks off your rent and you get paid.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay. How much you get paid?

[Caller]

It's like 50,000 a year with bonuses. It's a little bit more. I mean, I'm in Texas, so, you.

[Bald Bryan]

Know, 50,000 goes with bonuses. Nobody threw up this year. That's 1,800 bucks. Like. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

There are less than three rats living in the dumpster outside. That's right, 500 bucks.

[Bald Bryan]

All right. I remember the point, the apartments. I sort of neighbors to deal stuff. I remember that. I remember having to. I just remember just sort of life in the apartment building.

[Allison Rosen]

Conversely.

[Bald Bryan]

Been a while.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And I was gonna say I had one and all the apartments I lived in, I had one really good landlord and the rest were all terrible. A good landlord, it's hard to put a price on that. That is a rare commodity.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, they're normally horrible people, right.

[Allison Rosen]

I had one guy who was not only a nice guy, he was a good, nice middle aged man who did the repairs himself. But they were good like most guys, right? You know, patch shit up. And he was good, he was fair. He was always down, negotiate whatever, apart or whatever. That was one time, out of all.

[Bald Bryan]

My apartments, I had Al with his dog skipper. Carried around a.38 tucked into a swe pants and talked to me. Well, again, when the one guy moved out down the hall, he brought over all his box of dildos and butt plugs and inflatable this and that. And then when Skipper died, his dog. Oh, man. This very emotional conversation we had out on the lawn by my motorcycle. Yeah, there's Al, Babe. Al. Al. You can go to AdamKroll.com and take a look at Al. Al cannot be on this planet today. Al looked like he was from Flatbush in 1955, except for it was 1985. But he had the pomade and the hair, had the gun, had his dog Skipper. And Al patrolled. Al. Al was just. Al took his job. You know, when you're a kid or when you're young, you know, somebody says, oh, I managed the Derweiner Snitchel over there in Van Nuys. And you go, whoo. That's pretty heady gig there.

[Allison Rosen]

Big time.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, big time. Like when you're 11 and someone says, you understand I'm in charge of all, you know, the entire recycling center. I do cardboard and aluminum, you know, and you're like, whoo.

[Dr. Drew]

It's a lot of responsibility for a lot of responsibility.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know how you sleep at night. That's a lot of weight on your shoulders. When you're a kid or a young.

[Dr. Drew]

Person, just meeting someone who can drive is pretty amazing.

[Bald Bryan]

That's right. Someone has a license in their own car is a big deal. But when somebody does something like manages an apartment building, even though it's a six unit building in fucking bumfuck, North Hollywood, but you're still like, whoo, how'd you get there? Who do you know? Who'd you blow to get this gig? Then as you get a little bit older and you realize, the fuck is he doing? But he took his job. And then they're the people who treat their job that way, and thus they treat you that way. And then you then get deeper into how they are about their job, you know what I mean? Like the guy who works at the recycling centers in charge of aluminum and the cardboard out in Sunland, as an adult, you go, it's fucking miserable. Fucking horrible. I'd kill myself. But when you're a kid, they should be saying to you, oh, this ain't no big deal. It's $44,000 a year. You don't want to end up where I'm working. But instead they're like, yeah, sometimes. Sometimes tin comes in on the aluminum pallet. And I got to separate that out. So that's its own thing.

[Allison Rosen]

I made my share of mistakes, don't get me wrong.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, that's right. One time. I don't know if you know what zinc is, son.

[Allison Rosen]

No. What's.

[Bald Bryan]

No. Okay. I didn't think so. I didn't know either. Enough said.

[Allison Rosen]

So you were like, me?

[Bald Bryan]

Enough said.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Wow.

[Bald Bryan]

Enough said. Like, yeah. So you start going, wow, this is a really important job over the recycling center. Like, taking the zinc from the aluminum from the cardboard. But then you become an adult and you go, I'd kill myself. And this sucks. They never do that part where they go, you don't want to work here. This is nothing. Look, if you're 30 and you're doing the job I'm doing, you're a fucking loser. Like, they don't do that. They just cling to that. I do think they realize in the sense that I think they go, look, there's no other person on the planet that's impressed by what I'm doing other than this Nine year old.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, you're right.

[Bald Bryan]

Who are the people? Here's the question. Who are the human beings that realize I don't do anything. I cannot impress any adults. I can't get laid off of this. I can't intimidate other men off it. Everyone knows I don't do shit. But nine year olds, they'll be impressed. And then they go, hit him with the fucking. They hit him with the full court press of what I do, but it's really nothing. It's kind of a Sesame street like when you're seeing what the garbage man does and you go, oh, wow. He gets to ride outside of the truck on the back of the truck. And you realize if you get him.

[Dr. Drew]

Young enough, the whole world is exciting.

[Bald Bryan]

Right? Right. But they never really stop and go, you don't get it. I was a horrible student. I didn't take the SATs. I didn't go to college. I got this gig when I was 19. It blows ass. Yes, to you. $37,000 a year sounds like a king's ransom. It's really almost nothing. And you should never want to do this.

[Dr. Drew]

Do you think this is what they should be doing?

[Bald Bryan]

Well, they shouldn't be dressing it up like this is the, you know, this is the cat's meow of gigs. Which is what happens, like I said, when you're a kid all the time. You do that thing all the time where you go fireman, policeman, surgeon, astronaut, lawyer, doctor. Like what?

[Dr. Drew]

Just being able to use a cash register and check things out as a little kid seemed super exciting.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, but they don't realize, like, garbage man, fireman, doctor, lawyer, that's a whole different.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, they're not on the same level.

[Bald Bryan]

They don't live in the same neighborhood. Somebody's gotta pipe up like, you're just like, oh, he's the man who works at the recycling place. Oh, he's the attorney man. Oh, he's the doctor man. Oh, he's the astronaut man. Like, no, no, no. Different gigs, different pay grades. All right, I know we're talking about, let's see. I have a movie review. Curiosity. Let's see. Something about her daughter. Oh, God.

[Allison Rosen]

Daughter won't eat anything.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay. Son's not a big eater. Bill. Oh, maybe Bill's gone. Let's see. Jordan.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Chicago, 23. We don't have to listen to things you say. Go ahead. I just wondered where you developed your intellectual curiosity after being a self admitted poor student and can't read. How did you develop that? I don't know if people teach you to be curious. Dr. Drew and I have argued about this quite a bit where it's like he says that school always taught him to think. I don't understand that part. I have this thing of it can.

[Allison Rosen]

Teach you to ask the right questions, but you have to be interested in asking them. You know what I mean? Like, it can sort of coach yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

It'S counterintuitive to me that it teaches you to think. But everybody, look, I just know people that are curious and people that aren't curious. And the people I run, most people aren't curious. And eight and a half out of ten people aren't curious. And so if you say to most people and they go, what do you do? You go, well, I do a podcast. I got a studio over there and I got some old Paul Newman cars. I race those every once in a while. They go, all right, well, there you go. And that's, that's a little bit of everything. Eight out of ten people do that. And then one out of ten go. One and a half out of ten go. What do you mean podcast? How's that work? How do you get money? Who pays you? And then what about this Newman car stuff? Like, how do you get that? Where do you get the cars? How do you get the cars? Where do you race the cars?

[Dr. Drew]

So the weird thing is in my life, I go back and forth about which person I'd rather encounter.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4. Vessel of hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred, available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle. Rated M for mature.

[Bald Bryan]

If your day sounds like we need the report asap, you deserve Modelo. If you've persevered through two more race two more, you deserve this ice cold reward. Medela, the mark of the fighter. Drink responsibly. Beer imported by Crown Import, Chicago, IL. If you're ready to elevate your driving experience, the first ever Kia K4 is worth a closer look. It combines style and performance with a sleek futuristic design featuring star map, LED headlights and an available panoramic display for unforgettable looks. SiriusXM comes standard in every Kia K4, bringing you closer to what you love. Plus, with an available 190 horsepower turbocharged engine, the Kia K4 delivers everything driving enthusiasts crave. Learn more at kia.com K4 Glad Drink Filling Pun so fresh Glad Stretch.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's drink with scents to take you back.

[Bald Bryan]

Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said, get out the chat room and clean my sad stretch Feeling pine so fresh. The Glad girl group coming at you with that throwback jam that was Glad.

[Allison Rosen]

Force Flex Drawstring Trash bags featuring pine salt Original scent.

[Bald Bryan]

And that's better than all good. It's all glad. It depends where you are. And I like curious. I'm attracted to curious. I like it when people go, how'd you do this? How'd you figure that out? How'd that work? I like asking and figuring out how. I love it when someone invented something or is doing something I haven't heard of. But curious is all you need. I've always said this. If my kid's curious, you never have to think about them again. You don't have to worry about him. There's enough in terms of education. They'll educate themselves. Curious people educate themselves. They fall into a subject, they get deep into a subject, they go down and they just get good at it. As I've said a million times, I'm a good carpenter. Never read a book on it, never had a class on it. Just did it, was curious about it and did it, just ended up doing it. That ended up being my job. But repetition and just kind of doing it and wanting to know, like, how's that work? How's that go? And not defensive about, well, I got my way of doing it. You do your way of doing it. I was always kind of like, what do you know? How do you do it? How do you like doing it?

[Allison Rosen]

You learn from other better or more senior carpenters like you sort of learned from.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, always did that. I mean, I was watching boxing last night and over the weekend and a guy like they were showing this sort of between the rounds action where they go back and they go, oh, what happened during round five? And the guy was throwing a hook and he was throwing a hook with his thumb up, and I would always throw it with my thumb down or over. And he threw it different than I did. And I remember looking at it in like slow motion and I was just thinking, well, that's different than I throw it. And then I thought, I like the way I throw it. And then I thought, well, he's a pro and he just knocked that guy out So I guess it's working for him. But I really, like, stopped and really wanted to know how he threw his left hook. Because there's a thumb up way of doing it. And there's a thumb sort of toward you. And a thumb. There's a Fonzie way to do it, and a sort of toward your sternum way to do it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like how to shoot a gun.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. And I did it. I did it my way, and he did it his way. But then I started thinking, hmm. Wonder if I should start, like, when I'm teaching people how to box. Maybe I shouldn't teach him to do it like that. I was just thinking about it. It doesn't make me a genius. I was just kind of like, I wonder. And that's all. I need my kids. I don't need them to get accepted to any academy. I don't need anything, any scholarships. I don't need anything other than how come. How does this. I want to know. And if you get that, you're good. And if you don't have that, I don't know where you can go, that you'll be educated properly. And I don't think it's a waste of my time. I don't think you can instill that. And Drew kind of thinks you can go to school and have that instilled in you. I don't. I don't know. I'm really just starting to break the world down into the curious and the complacent and the curious. People seem to learn a ton. And almost everyone I know who's pretty far along just went, well, I started. I checked this out. I got into it. I started reading books on it. Then I realized, I mean, it's sort of like. I'll give you an example. Yuli's gold. Most people aren't into stuff, but look, my wife's not into that much outside of the kids. But I can tell you this. If one of the kids was stricken with some disease, she would become an expert at that disease. And at a certain point, these people become greater experts than doctors at that disease. Why? Because their kid has it. Doctors are just kind of around and they're studying and they're looking at textbooks. But when your kid has this disease, you get really good at that disease really fast because you're interested. And when you don't have it or you don't have kids, you know, whatever. I can guarantee you, if my son, maybe the girl, came down with something, my wife, Yuli's gold. My wife who doesn't sit around at the computer staring at diseases.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you thinking of Lorenzo's Oil?

[Bald Bryan]

Right. I'm thinking of both.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, sorry.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm thinking of Lorenzo.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the one where Susan Sarandon had the kid that got sick and she became sort of an expert in.

[Bald Bryan]

I think Ulysses Gold and Lorenzo's Oil are. Yuli's Oil.

[Allison Rosen]

Should get together.

[Bald Bryan]

Should get together. Where's Make a lovely look at Gary Haftard. I'm telling you, Ulyss Gold and Lorenzo's Oil. The same movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

One came.

[Allison Rosen]

I've not seen Ulysses. I've not seen the gold. I've seen Lorenzo's Oil. That's the one about the sickness.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. I think one came ten years earlier, but maybe fifteen, maybe a thousand years. Either way, when you have something that all of a sudden your 7 year old has, you become the world's foremost expert in that field. And I would argue that moms, even without a college degree in 18 months, could know more than almost anyone at the Mayo Clinic about this disease. Why? Because they were into it.

[Dr. Drew]

They're kidding.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

They're spending all their time trying to find out info on it.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. So there are plenty of experts and plenty of doctors. You show me one momma with a GED whose 7 year old is stricken with this thing, I'll show you someone who's almost immediately an expert at it. Why? Interested? Just interested. That's it. Now, back in the day, it meant going to the library and checking out books. Now, with a computer, fuck it. You can do it in a weekend. But I will show you a mama with a GED who's sitting down at the Mayo Clinic explaining to the doctor what works and what doesn't work as it pertains to this disease. Well, what is it? It's a person is the mama. Yuli's gold is what? 97. Holy shit. Lorenzo's oil is 92.

[Allison Rosen]

Only five years apart, huh?

[Bald Bryan]

Either way, you can read what they're about out.

[Allison Rosen]

Lorenzoil is the one you're talking about.

[Dr. Drew]

Lorenzo's Oil. A boy develops a disease so rare that nobody is working on a cure. So his father decides to learn all about it, tackle the problem himself. Yuli's Gold. A reclusive beekeeper slowly pulls his dysfunctional family back together. But not without having to fight his son's previous dastardly cohorts.

[Bald Bryan]

Pete, the hell is dastardly cohorts?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's a. It's not the movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Lorenzo Zoyle. That's what I meant. Tells you he's cold about.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a Peter Fonda. I think he may have been nominated for a acting Oscar that year. Either way, I've been told it was a very good movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Listen.

[Dr. Drew]

Hey, point made.

[Bald Bryan]

Point made and digested and moved. If you have a son or daughter with this problem or a problem, you will become an expert. You will make yourself an expert. Why interested? If you're not interested, don't give a shit.

[Dr. Drew]

Sort of like how when you have a crush on someone, you have infinite time to think about them and try to find out information about them.

[Bald Bryan]

I could show you so many peachy folders with the name Cheryl Ann inscribed on them. Yes, that's the point. All right, let's see. We got some. Speaking of movies, by the way, we have something. Yeah. Hooray for Baldy Ward. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen upon the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck. Piece of shit. Transformers to Hooray for Baldiwar.

[Allison Rosen]

Like I said, I saw a very, very good movie. All is Lost. Robert Redford. The Robert Redford boat movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Ah, I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you seen any previews for this? Any trailers?

[Bald Bryan]

I saw something on it. I love a boat movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you're gonna love this. That is in theaters now. It is written, directed by a young man named J.C. shandor. He's a really talented young filmmaker. This is only his second movie. He did a movie two years ago called Margin Call, and Margin Call was nominated for best Original screenplay. A very small movie, but it got an Oscar nomination for best screenplay. Really well written, really good movie. Kevin Spacey's in it, a whole ensemble cast, and you can stream it right now on Netflix and on Amazon. So if you're curious about Margin Call, I'm telling you, it's good. It was nominated for an Oscar. You can check it out right now. This is a great example. All is lost of limited storytelling. It's just Robert Redford in a boat. No other characters, no dialogue. There's a few words spoken, a few lines spoken, but he's not speaking to anyone.

[Dr. Drew]

To gravity in the sea.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm glad you brought that up, Allison, because I think a lot of people are going to compare this to open water or going to compare it to Life of PI. You know, guys trapped on a boat, but it's really like gravity on the sea. It's.

[Bald Bryan]

Let me say this. It's similar to that you bring up Life of pie, but you bring up. Well, so like dead calm. And then there's Master and commanders, White squall. There's a. I don't. There's not a lot. My batting average for movies that see Captain Phillips, I got to be batting about 850. I don't see a lot of bad movies at sea. Yeah. And Robert does he.

[Allison Rosen]

Caribbean movies. Solid.

[Bald Bryan]

Does Redford do. Is he do a movie every five years? Like what's he do?

[Allison Rosen]

I should have looked this up, but I can't remember the last. I think he was in a movie with Tom Cruise a few years ago. Lambs for Lions. Fuck, I can't remember. But he doesn't do a lot of movies. You're right. Either way, he's all about Sundance and the Institute and the festival and all that stuff. So Robert Redford's in a boat. He's alone on the Indian Ocean and his boat collides with an abandoned shipping container, you know, dropped at sea and hull is damaged and things get worse from there. I'll spoil anything, but it gets worse from there. No dialogue. Like I said, a beautiful, beautiful ending. One of the best endings I've ever seen in a movie. Wow. A good ending can take a movie from good to great. That is what happened here.

[Bald Bryan]

And can go the other direction too. A lot of good movies, it just kind of coast to a stop or have sort of cookie cutter endings.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you see Crazy Stupid Love with Steve Carell? Yeah, it was really good movie that had a bad ending. The ending went in front of the school, you know, at the assembly was kind of like for such a good movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, a bad ending or good ending is sort of like the last song that a band is playing at a concert. So you can play a bunch of good songs and then go out with a crazy stupid jam and go out on top. Or you can just kind of. And that's how.

[Dr. Drew]

That's what people remember.

[Bald Bryan]

It's basically your last bite of the hot dog. And what the taste that lingers in your mouth as you're walking out to your car.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's the two minute warning at the end of the game. The two minute drive, I should say. You may have played a great game, but if you can't pull it out, you know what?

[Bald Bryan]

When the great Sugar Sugar Ray Leonard beat Marvin Hagler, he said to his corner guy, tell me when there's 30 seconds left in every round. And that I don't know if it was 12 rounds or 15 rounds back then maybe it was 12 rounds. I can't remember if there were 15 in championship fights. It was right about the time they switched. But either way, he'd have his guy scream, 30 seconds. And then he'd go get busy for the last 30 seconds. Now, that represented 1/6 of the three minute round. But in the judge's eyes, they saw him busy at the end of every round. And they'd go, oh, it's time to score the round. Let's give it to that. Oh, they're both black. Let's give it to the guy with the. Let's give it to Sugar Ray. Give it to the busy guy. Now, he wasn't busy for 2 minutes and 30 seconds of the round. He was busy for 30 seconds of the round. But the way your mind works is, oh, that's the way we finished. Give him the round.

[Allison Rosen]

And this movie finished strong. It was the first time I think I've ever walked out of a movie with tears in my eyes.

[Bald Bryan]

I. Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

I have got emotional movies before, like, everyone, but never at the very end. So I'm like. And it came on so quick, I was like, jesus, I gotta walk past that, you know, is Emma. The theater where they're like, have a nice day, sir. Thanks for coming. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I appreciate that.

[Bald Bryan]

That's why I leave the 3D goggles on all the way out to the car.

[Dr. Drew]

Wait, did you not. Do you not cry until the very end? I just want to know in case.

[Allison Rosen]

I go, me, myself, I got.

[Dr. Drew]

What's gonna happen in my face.

[Allison Rosen]

All of the emotion was packed into the very end there.

[Bald Bryan]

But there's so much dialogue. We pack and everything and action and activity. We pack and everything. We forget just how patient we are as viewers. If you put us out into the scene. You put a guy alone and you have him doing something, even if it's not incredibly compelling, just doing something. Living life, you know, you live your life, your life isn't action packed. It's not a chase through the streets of Tokyo while it's raining at night with guys on motorcycles on each side of you firing machine pistols. Like, yeah, you'll hang with it.

[Allison Rosen]

You're gonna love this movie. Because at some point he goes, you know, he has to go up to the top of his mast to reset his sail or something. And a lesser movie would have just, you know, cut away or fast forwarded through it. And the man, you go up with him, you are with him for the five minutes it takes him to get up there. And the whatever. Like, it's It's a really patient.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm into it. In theaters.

[Allison Rosen]

In theaters. Let me just say on that note, yes, in theaters. Now. This is not a Friday night date movie. I do not know if this will be the kind of movie you should get a babysitter for and go out on a date for. But it's a really, really good movie. A really interesting movie. And quietly, quietly great.

[Bald Bryan]

Wow. So what do we do with the Oscars now?

[Allison Rosen]

Because if Robert Redford doesn't get nominated, it'll be a real snub.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, we started off with, oh, man, look at this. And then 12 Years a Slave and then gravity. And then all these other movies start coming along and everyone's like, oh, now what? We got to nominate everybody.

[Allison Rosen]

I think my hunch is that Gravity will be squeezed out for a lot of awards. A lot of technical awards that'll probably clean up, but dramatically, it's looking like a real just Dallas Buyers Club. Looks great. I mean, I don't know anything about it, but the trailers look great. McConaughey looks great. A lot of good stuff coming out, man. This one is a solid. Go out and see it when you can.

[Bald Bryan]

All right. Bring it home, baby. Hooray for bounty Ward. All right. Hey, man. Legal zoom. 12 years ago, group of attorneys got together. That's right. Sounds like a joke. And then a rabbi came in holding a duck. Twelve years ago, group of attorneys got together and they said, let's put together our extensive legal knowledge and let's start with some technology and let's create LegalZoom.com Over 2 million Americans have used LegalZoom for wills, living trust, bankruptcy and more, baby. LegalZoom is number one. Number one for helping people incorporate form an LLC. And you know you got a business, you got a small business starting a business up. You need LegalZoom smart, effective legal solutions at a great price. Wills for just 69 bucks. Or you can set up an LLC for 99 bucks. Under 100 bucks plus filing fees. LegalZoom is there for you every step of the way, Dawson.

[Dawson]

See how easy it [e-mail] for more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. LegalZoom is not a law firm but can connect you with a third party attorney and provide you with self help services. Head your specific direction.

[Adam Carolla]

LegalZoom.com Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4 Vessel of Hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands. With massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion vessel of hatred available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle. Rated M for mature.

[Bald Bryan]

If your day sounds like we need the report asap, you deserve Medela. If you've persevered through you deserve this rich golden lager with a crisp or refreshing taste. Or if you overcame two more rest two more. You deserve this ice cold reward. Madonna the market Drink responsibly. Beer imported by Crown Report Chicago, Illinois Alrighty then. US Borderline. We're going to be borderline Thousand Oaks doing a show Friday, November 15th. Hooters downtown LA Staples Center. That's a fun place. That's on November 24th at 4:30. Hooters in Santa Monica on Sunday, December 1st at 4:30.

[Dr. Drew]

We're touring Hooters.

[Bald Bryan]

We're doing a Hooters tour, baby. And a little BevMo appearance Saturday. Oh, is it Saturday? Yeah, Manhattan beach at the BevMo at 5pm Say hi. Also I should tell you guys, I think last week I was talking about de Havilland and I told Gary Haftar that de Havilland, de Havilland made aircraft for during World War II. And I said I think this son, the de Havilland's son, put his plane into a dive trying to break the speed of sound and died at some point in the late 40s or something like that. And it was at the end of the show and Gary couldn't find it but as it turns out. And then he found something. Something, something. I found this about the computer a lot. It's weird. Again, we're caught in that in between phase where people find stuff and don't find stuff. But we did find out that it was Gregory de Havilland Jr. Who back in England. I don't know if you guys know this. It's a weird. They're culturally obsessed with speed. Not they're obsessed with racing, but they're obsessed with speed records. The land speed record is held by a Brit on American soil. They don't have a place over there that's big enough to get to 743 miles an hour or whatever. Whatever it is. I believe the water speed record was always held by British too. They're into speed records. It's a weird.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. Thing for a country to be obsessed with.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. But they are.

[Dr. Drew]

I mean you'd think we would be too.

[Bald Bryan]

We are Too. We're just not quite as good as they are when it comes to these things. Yeah, but he was. We were talking about back in the day when sons of rich guys would kill themselves doing things because it was sort of honorable. Like, you know. Now sons of rich guys don't do shit. They just sit home, watch YouPorn and beat off and drink vodka that tastes like cotton candy. That's what they do now. Back then they felt good news.

[Allison Rosen]

They have a reality show?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, they have reality shows back then. They felt compelled to do things. And I don't know what the story was, but I think he put his plane. What year is it? It was 19. 1946. 1946 de Havilland made the Mosquito, which a World War II plane. A famed World War II plane that helped win World War II for England. And it was made out of wood.

[Allison Rosen]

Were they out of cool names? Why did they call the Mosquito?

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know. You know why?

[Dr. Drew]

Because the gnat was taken.

[Bald Bryan]

It was literally made. Dung beetle was taken.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, there were already hornets and wasps.

[Bald Bryan]

There were hornets?

[Dr. Drew]

Potato bugs.

[Bald Bryan]

No, we have hornets now. And I don't know if there were wasps back then. There were camels, which is a weird flying machine, but you think of nothing more than maybe a badger. I'm trying to think of what flies less than a camel. But it was made of wood. It was a plane. It was made of wood. So I don't know why. Maybe they gave it that name because of that. And then they all had designations, but they would get these names. Like RA10 is called a Warthog. It's not. The military didn't designate it the Warthog. It's just an ugly ass plane that has a huge Gatling gun in front of it. And that's why it's called a Warthog by everybody. And now it's become the A10 Warthog. But no one ever called it a Warthog.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it a carryover from the classified days when they were developing it? Like it was maybe a code name? Like, we're working on the Warthog.

[Bald Bryan]

No, I think what happens is the crew and the pilots. Like, ultimately the people get their way. Like when I did when Mike Myers was coming on Loveline a million years ago on mtv. He said, it's Austin Powers, International man of Mystery. And I said, all right, we'll give Austin Powers a plug. And he said, no, no. Austin Powers, International man of Mystery. That's the title. Like when you don't. You don't say Austin Powers you don't say Mike Meyer starring in Austin Powers. You say Myers starring in Austin Powers, International man of mystery. He kept pushing it. But ultimately the people will decide whether they're going to say international man of mystery. There's not enough Mike Myers on the planet to get to police that.

[Dr. Drew]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

So we will decide what you're called or what we call you or what it is or what we call your stadium or what we call your plane or what you have, whatever the military, I don't think ever called the A10. The Warthog. It was called the A10. It was so ugly that everyone who flew it, everyone who worked on it, everyone who supplied it with ammunition called it the Warthog. And thus it's the Warthog. That's kind of and I like that part of life. I mean, that's kind of how it works. If everyone calls it that, it's democratic. It's democratic. All right, we will. Anyway, de Havilland made a bunch of aircraft and they won World War II. And then the sun celebrated 18 months later by killing himself. That's how they used to do it back in the day. All right, Carolyn Hennessy here, General Hospital, name of the show and many other things to talk about with Carolyn. And we'll do that next.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's adam Kurolla show 1199, part one, part two tomorrow, airing in the Corolla Classics feed, as well as airing in the Adam Kurolla show feed. Coming up next, we have Adam Corolla Show 1202. This featured Lou Diamond, Phillips, Allison Rosen and Brian bishop, also from 2013.

[Bald Bryan]

Check it out. Oh, oh, O'Reilly Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescento renting a house, keeping that Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in stock either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. You need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or A quick service. Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well and get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts one stop shop for everything, especially if you're do it yourself or for your car in store online. You can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online o'reilly auto.com Adam that's o'reilly auto.com.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4 Vessel of Hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred, available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle. Rated M for mature.

[Bald Bryan]

If your day sounds like we need the report asap, you deserve Modelo. If you've persevered through two more race two more, you deserve this ice cold reward. Medela, the mark of the fighter trick responsibly. Beer imported by Crowning Port Chicago, Illinois. Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Dr. Drew]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Bald Bryan]

Good day. Ball. Brian. Oh, shit. Well, it went up an octave.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, a few people wanted that, including. What's the dude's name? John Boyan. John Boyer. By the way, we have a. We have another one which might be good for a ringtone because people can set it for their alarm clock in the morning.

[Bald Bryan]

You want to touch my black.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, that's not the one. Hold on.

[Bald Bryan]

I could use that.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. That's not bad.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, good morning.

[Allison Rosen]

Set their alarm clocks with that.

[Bald Bryan]

Lou Diamond Phillips is making his triumphant return to the program. He was so well loved just a few weeks ago when we had him on. So we're having him back. Vince Vaughn on tomorrow and that's exciting.

[Dr. Drew]

Your new neighbor.

[Bald Bryan]

My new neighbor. So excited.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm familiar with that name.

[Bald Bryan]

Excited about. He's done a couple of indies. You'd know him if you saw him.

[Allison Rosen]

He's related to the guy from Swingers.

[Bald Bryan]

He was in Swingers, but he's not related to him. He wasn't one of the main guys you wouldn't know him.

[Allison Rosen]

Associated featured player.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, he didn't. His career didn't work out as much as the chick who played Dorothy from the Casino, but it still, he did.

[Allison Rosen]

Do some stuff the other day.

[Bald Bryan]

You did?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, because I was watching Swingers and of course Vince Vaughn's gonna have some great things. Well, can't we talk to him about that?

[Bald Bryan]

I was on the phone with Mike lynch because I have a two hour drive home from Tustin every day and Tustin and Tuscany. I could think of no two further places away. Aesthetically, I am. And this is. I think this is how celebrities become pricks. Tell us. And I realize, I fully realize that they're a fair to middling group of people on this new Spike show I'm working on who probably, if you said one, what's it like working with Adam Kroll? They'd go, oh, he's a prick. And I'm completely comfortable with it. I don't say I like it.

[Dr. Drew]

The prick seal has been broken.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, yes, the prick hyman has been pierced. Really. When we started this project and I said, they said, my good friend Sharon Levy over at Spike, who used to be with us, over, we knew her, worked with her way back in the day on the man show. And she's sweet, said, oh, we're going to take this show and go all over the place. We're going to go to Nebraska and Louisiana and find these bad contractors. And I said, well, have fun. I hope you have Ty Pennington's phone number and your Rolodex, because I'm not going all over the place looking for bad contractors. I have a job here and I'm just not into it. Why all the hatin'they? Did that move where I actually felt a sense of relief, like, good, I can't do this. They're gonna have to find somebody else. But whenever I have that feeling, somehow it always comes around. So they came around and they said, fine, we'll do it out of la. And I said, fine, because I can't leave because I do a daily podcast amongst a million other things, so I have to stay here. And we started talking about some of the original houses that they were looking at. And they said, well, there's one in the Glendale area and one in the Hollywood Hills. And I said, well, that's perfect for me.

[Dr. Drew]

All close to where you live, all.

[Bald Bryan]

Around where I live and where I work and all that. And that's going to work out quite nicely. I will tell you the five destinations, the five Houses. We've done number one, Hollywood Hills of Hollywood, other side of Laurel Canyon, Little bit of a trek, but still Hollywood Hills, not too bad. Take Mulholland 20, 25 minutes away. No freeways, no big deal. That was house number one. House number two was Tustin. Tustin is. I don't. I've lived here my whole fucking life. I don't know where fucking Tustin is.

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty sure they sell cars there.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, no RVs.

[Dr. Drew]

It's next to it. Used ones on the inside of Irvine.

[Bald Bryan]

Lot of look when there's a lot of planes flying in and they're coming into an airport you haven't heard of, that means you're fucking far away. And it's past Irvine and it's fucking. Then the next house is Dana Point, which is closer to San Diego than it is to Los Angeles. And then the following two houses. So it's Tustin, Tustin, Tustin, Dana Point. And it's the 5 Freeway. It's the worst freeway in America. It's the ugliest. Easily. You know, they talk about congestion. It's the ugliest freeway.

[Dr. Drew]

It opens up, it's narrow, and it's ugly.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. When you get to. When you get to Orange county, it opens up and it's kind of nice. Before that, it's a shit flume. It's just graffiti, dead trees, barbed wire and fucking cardboard boxes.

[Dr. Drew]

Not to be a 1 upper, but that's the drive I used to do when I lived down there and began working here.

[Bald Bryan]

I feel for you every day. I had to make this. But my thing is, like, the Valley is a fucking cornucopia of different homes, regions, languages, cultures. There's Encino and there's Tarzana and there's Chatsworth, and there's everywhere.

[Dr. Drew]

Why you can't find everything.

[Bald Bryan]

Why we're going to Tustin. And I was about the end of my third day to Tustin in a row, and it's a weird, ugly place. Anyway. For me, my commute is about 90 minutes in and then about two hours and 15 minutes out. The Dana point was about three hours back. So instead of going home, wrestling around with my kids, skipping rope, eating and doing any things I may have done, including take a nap, I just drive straight into this hellhole.

[Dr. Drew]

Well, and also, listeners should realize that it's that long. And it's not like you're doing 90 the whole time you're in traffic the whole time, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, yes, very good point. You're going four miles an hour on the 5 Freeway. Because you're leaving Tustin at 4:30 in the afternoon to get to Glendale at 7 in the evening.

[Allison Rosen]

If you were hauling ass 2am you'd get there about 45, 50 minutes.

[Bald Bryan]

Right.

[Dr. Drew]

That's what makes it so awkward.

[Bald Bryan]

But this is just an ugly shitty grind. So the only thing that could exacerbate a situation like this is if your wife decided to go to New York. These great conversations where she goes, oh, I'm going to New York next week. What? What's Bruce doing? Solid bm. What happened over there in New York? What Bruce. What's up with Bruce Springsteen? Why, why is there. What? Well, what are you doing in New York? Well, I'm going there to talk to some people. When does Bruce come into this conversation? There's a benefit Risk hosted by Jon Stewart. Right. I am bringing Mangria over to the Andy from the show Andy Cohen. Yes. And I'm doing a podcast with Baba Bowie. Just get to the Bruce cut to the Bruce chase. Well yes, he'll be performing at the benefit. Ah ha. Okay. So I was talking to baby doll today. I said while you guys are backstage Madison Square Garden watching Bruce tune his guitar and making chit chat with John Stewart and my wife, know that at that exact time I will be in fucking on the 5 freeway in bumper to bumper traffic trying to get the fuck out of Tustin. Just know that.

[Dr. Drew]

Now you announced that you're only you're going to leave an hour before you have to be there, right? How's that going?

[Bald Bryan]

It falls under the tough shit rule, which is I do a thing with people where if you want to hold your production in another hemisphere, that's fine. I will not leave my house an hour earlier than one hour.

[Dr. Drew]

It'll be one hour for travel time.

[Bald Bryan]

That is more than enough. It's a fucking per diem. Hey, if you want to go on a fucking coke bender, that's your deal. I'll give you 100 bucks a day for breakfast and lunch and you want to catch a matinee, go ahead. You want to buy whores, that's on you. So my thing is I will drive an hour to your production and two hours plus home in the traffic. But I'll show up when I show up. And I've been showing up about half hour, 45 minutes late. They've been fine. Everyone's real nice. It's just they're real nice in Tustin. But the asshole part was today when it took me about two hours to get there in the morning. And I was coming off of, I gotta wake the kids up and take them to the bathroom. So they don't piss themselves. This was about 11:30 last night. Sonny had pissed himself. I was not well equipped to change the sheets or the bed or him or anything. So I just sort of pulled off his soaked jammies, let him go bareback back in the sack, rearranged the covers around a little bit, you know, put the huggy bookie down like a doily, you know, got him on top of that and threw him back in. I was going to fucking rearrange my life because the kid pissed himself. And then this morning at about 6:45 they set, they get up early. They're trained to kind of, you know, come into daddy's room. They set the alarm off. So I was awoken about 6:45, the alarm. I was just in no fucking mood when I showed up to Tustin. And I had the dude who waits for me out in the street and then tells me where to park and hands me the cup of coffee while we walk to the trailer, do the how you doing today? And I just said I'm not good and I will never be good as long as we're in Tustin. So as long as I have to drive two fucking hours from my house, there's an entire fucking valley called the San Fernando Valley with 167 cities in it with 2 million single family residents in it. But as long as we have to circumnavigate the fucking globe to get to work. And by the way, everyone else who's working on this production is staying in a hotel in that part because it's way too long a drive. And my makeup chick said they got a new makeup chick because my one could not leave town. That's her quotes. I can't leave town. I said, as long as you're going to have this production somewhere between Dana Point and fucking Tustin, the answer is always going to be, I'm in a shitty mood. Always. Don't even bother asking. And then as I was just winding up that diatribe, I was handed the shirt I needed to wear for that day. And the thing about it is, if you do any production, there's the shirt and all the shirts will have these safety pins that have a little tag on the hanger on the something that says day one, whatever, shoot, you know, we need you back in this shirt to get the OTFs, the on the fly in this shirt. And then you switch into that shirt because it's supposed to be the next day. There's a lot of that. I always say this to wardrobe chicks who I have a sneaky suspicion only like shopping, but really don't like any other facet of their job that, you know, steaming stuff and doing things like that. Right.

[Dr. Drew]

Getting the clothes ready.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. So I was standing up here was a real douche move. I was standing up in my trailer, a couple steps up to the trailer, and was handed the shirt. Put this on. This is your shirt for today. And hanging from the shirt was multiple labels. There's the shirt label on the doily, and then there's also the one that has clipped in, like, day one Adam tust and shoot or something. And I hearken back to that exact same time 24 hours ago when I said to the chick, don't hand me shirts that you want me to wear that are covered with labels. You should remove the labels, put them in some kind of order. Whether it's the one that says today's shirt, or whether it's the one that just says Hang 10, whatever it's on, remove the fucking labels and then give it to me. Because I'm not going to put on the shirt while it has labels hanging off it. And they handed me the shirt. I looked at the shirt, I saw the labels hang off it. I just tossed it out of the door onto the grass. And they said, what's the problem? And I said, the shirt's covered with labels. And they said, oh, we'll get those off there. And the chick was kind of flummoxed. And she said, oh, I made a mistake. And I said, we talked about this 23 hours ago. We had the exact same conversation. Take the labels off. And she said, yeah, I made a mistake. And I said, yep, you didn't make a mistake. Where we talked about this last year, and then you had a horrible head trauma when your dune buggy overturned. And now we're back to this again. We just had this conversation. We just had it. And she went like, yeah, okay, so I made a mistake, so move on. And I was like, okay, this is not the way I'm wired. Everyone do your job.

[Dr. Drew]

Okay?

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Dr. Drew]

Lest anyone ever be in her position ever again. What could she have said that would have made you feel good?

[Bald Bryan]

Nothing. Nothing. Because we have had multiple. This is multiple conversations of don't hand me shirts you want me to put on that are covered with labels and not labels. They're hanging tags that are big and they're, like, swinging and just Cut them off if you need to keep order of them or you need the day, whatever. The thing that says, you know, day number, whatever, shirt, good. Take it off, put it in its place and then hand it to me when it's label free. It's just part of your gig. It's a short. Let me explain something. This is not a multilayered poncho. This is not a Lady Gaga. This is a medium sized short sleeve collared shirt. Picture something Chris Hardwick would wear. There's just nothing to it. I can see it as it's being walked toward me. There's labels dangling off it. There's not. Oh hell, when you lift the secret flap, there's a label. It's covered with labels. Just remove them. As we discuss. My first thing is why are we discussing this? I feel like that's just.

[Dr. Drew]

Should be part of the job.

[Bald Bryan]

Should be obvious like saying to airplane pilots, eh, go ahead and put the landing gear down when we touch down this time. And that's just one of their, One of their things should be on the checklist. It's just on the checklist. And then secondly, we've talked about it three times. Why does it keep talking about.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's the thing. When I've been treated to bouts of rage from you or anyone, but mostly you, it's rarely the first time anything happens. It's usually between the 4th and 10th the first time.

[Bald Bryan]

As I've always say when I argue, especially with Lynette, never dick the first time. Second time, oh, you make up for it exponentially. Yeah, a little sing songy. And the third time I'm a dick. And then people go, well, why are you being a dick? And I go, because this is the third time we're discussing this and why am I spending the lion's share of my life having the same conversation with the same eight people? Fucking do it that way. Moving on.

[Dr. Drew]

So then what happened? Did someone get the shirt off the grass? That's my favorite part.

[Bald Bryan]

I just ejected it. It was very princely. I was about 4ft above the strip of grass that my trailer was parked in front of. It showed up to me and I just, I ejected it. Like when a dog eats a piece of jicama or some bad pepper or something where they just open their mouth and kind of sort of went in and it just flew immediately, just flew out onto the water.

[Dr. Drew]

I was like to imagine what it looked like to the person who was from an angle where they didn't see the arm throwing it, just a shirt flying Looked like they were at a.

[Bald Bryan]

Lakers game and one of the T shirt cannons was running low on propane or, you know, whatever. Whatever Butane or whatever CO2 or whatever inert gas it's firing. But either way, that's what it looked like. So I'm sure at least two people walked away from that and went, my God, this guy's a colossal prick. But my whole thing, you guys tell me she's a nice person who needs to get a little better at this facet of her job. First conversation is always a, oh, by the way, second or third gets a little dicky, which I'm fine with because it actually gets you the results. Meaning I don't want to have a fifth one of these. Three laps around the retard park is quite enough for this, for this gentleman. Thank you. So anyway, the good news is I got to. And again, everyone's nice and everyone does their job and everyone's friendly. That was me being a prick. Tired. I realize sleep deprivation can. I can go from prick to turbocharged prick almost immediately if I sit in traffic for an hour and a half and I'm sleep deprived.

[Allison Rosen]

Zero to prick. 4.2 seconds.

[Bald Bryan]

Good news is, got to sit in traffic all the way back and talk to Mike lynch and continue working on the book. So about 50,000 words in. That's it.

[Allison Rosen]

Good job, buddy.

[Bald Bryan]

And he's got to get shit together, man. And while I'm sitting in traffic, I'm doing something that I probably wouldn't carve out time to do, which is work with Mike lynch on said book.

[Allison Rosen]

Does the feeling of being productive make it a little better?

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It doesn't. I don't let the production off the hook for scheduling this shit out of town. But for me personally, I can spend 90 minutes or more working mowing through chapters with Mike lynch in Lowell, Massachusetts. And yes, it definitely takes some of the edge off. I don't get to see my kids. I don't get to eat at home. I don't get to skip my rope. I don't get to do any of that. I have to come straight here.

[Allison Rosen]

This is time that you would not be doing any of those things anyway.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, I'm trapped in a car for two hours. And yes, we've gotten a colossal amount done because this stuff is scheduled out of town. That being said, show's going very well and should prove to be interesting. All right, we have some phone calls. Lou Diamond Phillips. Coming up. Borderline thousand Oaks Friday, November 15th all of us out there Hooters in downtown LA and Hooters in Santa Monica. And BevMo Saturday, Manhattan beach at 5pm, which you guys can do. If you want to find out where we're going to be and when we're coming to a town near you and all that kind of stuff, just go to amcol.com and find the calendar that'll let you know when we're going to be there. All right, we got a couple of phone calls up there before we bring Lou in. Speaking of Lou, how about Hulu? Hulu Plus.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice turn.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, baby. Tried Hulu plus hulu.com Yep, it's time to try Hulu Plus. You can watch thousands of hit TV shows or shows that suck. If you have super low self esteem like me, anytime, anywhere, you can stream it on your tv. You put it on your smartphone or your tablet. Current TV shows like snl, Modern Family, Family Community and Family Guy. Also thousands more. You can binge out on your old favorites or catch a movie all in HD. Only 7.99amonth. You watch original shows like the awesome starring Seth Meyers and Moon Bay. Oh, sorry, Moon Boy mispronounced it. Sleep deprivation. Moon boy with Chris O'Dowd. You remember him from Bridesmaids.

[Dr. Drew]

He's kind of dreaming.

[Bald Bryan]

He is kind of dreaming, but I think it's the accent. Try Hulu plus for two weeks free. Just go to huluplus.com Adam. Be sure to use huluplus.com Adam for the extended free trial so they know I sent you. Or go to the [e-mail] and click on the Hulu+ banner. Remember I made that observation some months back that we talked about how those TV commercials when you're home during the day, back in the day were always get a job, drive a truck, be a nurse, be a computer tech and all that kind of stuff. And now just hang out, get some structured settlement going. Sue your boss, sue the government, sue what? It's all about sitting home.

[Allison Rosen]

And if you have a structured settlement, sell it to us.

[Bald Bryan]

Sell it to us.

[Allison Rosen]

We'll give you a lump sum.

[Bald Bryan]

Right? Interesting. Sort of little barometer again. You can look at a bunch of trends and graphs and stuff like that. You want to ask me how I know? Los Angeles is a piece of shit. We have barbed wire around freeway signs. I don't need to check like unemployment rates or graduation rates or I don't need to see any statistics. I'm sure those are horrible. Yeah, all I need to see is barbed wire around freeway signs to know Bad sign. That's a little bit of the, hey, there are a bunch of raccoons fucking on a sofa that's on a dirt lawn. The inside of the house probably not going to be like Simon Cowell type digs. That's all you need. No, you can drive by at 60 miles an hour. That's all you need. I've realized that there's certain things I started thinking about. Beer commercials. Every other beer commercial when I was growing up were guys knocking off work like they're wearing hard hats. Coming into a bar.

[Allison Rosen]

It's Miller time.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Like, just dudes, like going, hey, man, I'm a dude. I finish work and now I'm gonna sit down with my other hard working dude friends and we're gonna tilt a couple of cold ones. Now it's some weird lounge with a million ethnicities. No one seems to be working on anything other than getting laid. There are no guys with hard hats anymore. Nobody's up for anything. Occasionally there's a super hot couple that's mountain bike riding or doing their own thing. Lots of rooftop parties. Again, everyone is just kind of partying. There was. These are weekends they spend their fucking day.

[Dr. Drew]

Came in from a herpes commercial.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, that's right.

[Dr. Drew]

They were tired.

[Allison Rosen]

They've been through.

[Bald Bryan]

Decide to get a Miller, a Michelob Ultra because they're too tired from the herpes med. Herpes medications.

[Allison Rosen]

So many beers consumed with being cool.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. Everything's at night. Everything's on a rooftop. Everything is. I did nothing but play the New York Times crossword puzzle during the day. And I'm gonna try to get laid tonight. But there's no more work anymore. It all was. You worked hard, you put in a full day. Those girders are all in place and now it's time to head for the coldest Rocky Mountain refreshment year. It was all about hard days. Work hard days. Work hard days. Meaning you've earned it. Like, you went, you went and did your shit. You earned it. Now it's just, I'm on a fucking rooftop. DJ Jazzy Jews playing over in the corner there. We're all just kind of hanging around thinking about getting laid but not really trying.

[Dr. Drew]

Now, what do you think this reflects, do you think? Because I, and I have a feeling what I think is gonna be different than what you think. But I'm wondering, there's this quote unquote demo, the demo that every show, especially mtv, is geared towards.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Dr. Drew]

And it's like they are trying to get the cool young hit people.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Dr. Drew]

And they want them to drink their beer.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. They don't want the blue collar dude who's 41. They want this super hipster dude who's 23 now, who wears, like, a vest over a T shirt and then a loose tie, even though has no collar. Yeah. I hate that guy with the ultra.

[Allison Rosen]

Beer in your hand, whatever it is. Michelangelo. Ultra. You're thinking to yourself, I'm on my couch doing whatever, possibly nothing. I'm doing what those people do. Those people are on shock. Just me.

[Bald Bryan]

For me, I would be pissed that I'm not engaged.

[Allison Rosen]

You're not there.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm never on the roof. There's never the super attractive black chick with the white features who's hot for me down the hall.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

Who's coming in.

[Allison Rosen]

High cheekbones.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. With her friends. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oddly thin nose.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Looks out of place.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. But very attractive. Where's she? How come I'm not fucking her?

[Allison Rosen]

She's still on the rooftop, apparently. Don't let her down.

[Bald Bryan]

Get her off that roof. Yeah. Those people and these spontaneous parties breaking out in these apartment buildings where just models live in these apartment buildings.

[Dr. Drew]

Right. I love your loft space.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. Loft. Yeah. All right, so commercials for beer were about working hard and then sort of paying it off. It ain't about working hard anymore. And it's unclear if any of these people have jobs, but they seem to have plenty of disposable income.

[Allison Rosen]

For some of them, that is their job. You know what I mean? They go to parties, make it look cool. That's a job, by the way. Like girls.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. They take Polaroids at parties.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Really?

[Dr. Drew]

I think so. Some of them probably dj. Some of them make their own clothes. And then some of them are opening a bar that was inspired by the 1800s.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, let's take a couple of phone calls, and then we'll bring in Lou. Let's see. I'll go with line five. Hey, Matt. 25, Chicago.

[Caller]

Hey, Ace, man, what's happening?

[Bald Bryan]

What's going on?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

How you doing?

[Bald Bryan]

Good.

[Dr. Drew]

Hello?

[Caller]

Hey, I was just wondering, Adam.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, ever since I've been listening.

[Caller]

You, you pretty much capitalized on every.

[Bald Bryan]

Idea you had, man.

[Caller]

Grievous and the movie, Paul Newman. Even Dingo Boy, apparently.

[Bald Bryan]

So I was just wondering, did you have any missed opportunities that you regret.

[Caller]

Where you didn't strike while the iron was hot?

[Bald Bryan]

No, I don't think that way. Hollywood is a. You know, it's just a roller coaster of, you know, this got picked up, that got passed over. This made it a season that Made it four seasons. I never really think that way. I can. I can tell you for sure that I was saying way back when Dr. Drew and when Dr. Drew and I first started doing Loveline on MTV in, I don't know, 97 or something, I kept saying real TV to him. Real. This is real talk. What we're doing here. That's unscripted. We had no script. We had no teleprompter. We had nothing. We just sit there and start, you know. And I said, this is tv. Real talk, you know, real shows, real. I kept saying real. I didn't say reality. I just kept saying real. And now, you know, reality. There's 7,000 reality TV shows. Jimmy and I, way back when, we were also doing the man show, would say to people, there should be a network for dudes. We could barely start one single show for dudes back then. Like, we. We would pitch these idiot producers, and they'd be like, right, you, Jimmy. And then we have the sassy redhead who stands in between you and tells you you're wrong, right? Puts you in your place. And we're like, no, it's just dudes. It's just us. It's our show. It's the man show, right? Then the chick comes in and puts in your place. No, it's just us. How's this going to work? It's just a show for dudes. They'll be like, yeah, it was almost like it was illegal to do it back then. It just didn't exist. And the producers are wildly uncreative assholes. So if a show isn't exactly likely, you have to go, it's just like Survivor but with strippers, you know, or something Survivor meets.

[Allison Rosen]

It's got to be something.

[Bald Bryan]

Ice Road Truckers. Yeah. Like, you have to. Have to give them two shows that they've heard of and say it's the same. It's like they couldn't picture what a Reese's Peanut Butter cup would taste like. So you'd have to go, you like chocolate, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, of course.

[Bald Bryan]

You like peanut butter?

[Allison Rosen]

I love peanut butter.

[Bald Bryan]

What if we took peanut butter and chocolate, mix it together.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God.

[Bald Bryan]

Right? But you can't. You can't tell them two things they've never heard of combined or that they don't know of. So it was always like, where's the feminine voice? Where. So forget about a network. But Jimmy would always say, wasn't Spike. It wasn't. Whatever. I mean, I don't know. There's a thousand dude networks now. Was like, There should just be dude. A dude network. Like, he would keep pitching it to people and they'd be like, cool your jets.

[Allison Rosen]

They're visionary.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, the problem with smart people is they see things happening before they happen, and then later on they get run over it or punched by it or fucked over. Like, you just. It's. It's. It's being intuitive and it's being tuned in and being smart. You see trends. You see things. You see them happening before they happen. And when they come to fruition, you don't get credit for them. You don't get rich off of them, unless you figured out a way to copyright it or sell it or whatever. You know, I guess you could say Jimmy's landed on his feet.

[Allison Rosen]

Certainly at least one foot. At least not one foot in bounds. College rules.

[Bald Bryan]

But we used to pitch tons of shows that would have all been successful, like reality shows and things like that now. But it was just. They didn't have reality shows and there was no dude tv, so it just didn't happen. Nobody ever taps you on a shoulder, by the way, at any point in your life and goes, hey, I was at that meeting when you were pitching that guy channel. I was dead wrong, and I owe you an apology. It never happens. It just never happened. But as far as that goes, you know what, Matt? I really have no idea. I have many ideas. Some of them work, some of them don't. I can tell you this. In every sitcom I've done, or at least my sitcoms for NBC and cbs, literally, the five shows that they put on after not picking up, my sitcom, all failed and died a horrible death. So maybe my sitcom would have had some success. But that's their prerogative. They paid me, by the way, to do it, and that'll be that. What if. I don't know. See, here's the whole thing. If the sitcom moments as the first one we were doing, right when bald Bryan found out about his tumor, if that had worked out, we'd be in season four or whatever the hell it is right now, and maybe the podcast would be just a distant memory. Maybe whatever the third book would not be on the cusp of. Maybe the Spike thing would never be around. What if maybe. Who knows? Can't very Sliding doors cannot chart it. Your job is to fucking move forward. It's just. Don't stare in that rear view.

[Dr. Drew]

Are there any people you could have had sex with that you regret?

[Allison Rosen]

Not on the pilot. I'm confused.

[Bald Bryan]

I know.

[Dr. Drew]

I mean.

[Allison Rosen]

On the pilot.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. When I found out that Natasha Henstridge had a crush on me or would have gone out with me or whatever the version of that was. That was a pencil snapping moment for this man. Actually, I was holding my dick and I snapped it pop. You know, you get really bad news because that is one sexy gal if anyone's ever seen Species.

[Dr. Drew]

Right?

[Bald Bryan]

But other than that, no, I'm happy, I'm content. I love Lynette, I love my kids. And I have no idea. Things could have turned out much worse and possibly marginally better. Who knows?

[Allison Rosen]

Do you ever have follow up to that? Do you ever have the situation and maybe you don't because maybe you have enough juice, but do you ever have a situation where you had what you thought was a great idea, you pitched it and it got passed on by one or maybe two networks and then they're like, oh yeah, that's dead. And you're like, there's 158 networks out there. But once it's passed on, I had this situation, if you can't tell if it's passed on by one or two, it's considered sort of dead in the water.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, the other thing. And you guys can go back and look if you want to go back, Gary, if you want to find out. Let's see. I think it was, I don't know, NBC, cbs. It was a year they did Accidentally on Purpose. We can find that lineup. And I should get Kevin Hench on the blower because he has a mind like a steel trap and it's like a Kevlar encrusted steel trap when it comes to him getting fucked over. But yes, we did a sitcom and they said we're going to put Accidentally on Purpose on instead of it with Jen Elfman and that crash and Burn. And then when that crash and burn, they filled it in with like perfect couples or something and then that crash and burn and then they filled that in with happy people and then that crashed and burned. And then at some point the Paul Reiser sitcom came in and that lasted one and a half episodes. And these people have way. And it's part of the reason I'm just sort of happy to be out of Hollywood. They have absolutely. They have incredible hubris and they have zero ability to find a mirror and go, maybe I made a mistake or maybe I don't know anything or maybe my picker's not so great or my, maybe I need to be recalibrated a little bit. Perhaps something that I passed over could actually have some merit or some quality to it. And considering the fact that you picked four or five losers, maybe I always say, you know, it's not really people. People don't have no taste, they have bad taste. You know, whether it's interior designing or picking out or having a sense of humor. Maybe it's. Maybe you guys have a bad sense of humor. Maybe the fact. Maybe if you think something is funny, it's bad, not just, well, whatever's on the shelf is worse than this. Maybe the stuff you pass by is actually better than this stuff. Seeing how people reacted to what you did pick, they don't have a moment. They do not Many people have no self doubt. No self doubt. And many people in this industry cannot take one step backwards. Like they can't go. And I have no. I know I've said it before, I have no. And most of these people get shit canned and they get down, they fall up. They get shit canned and they fall up. But they get blown out because they took accidentally on purpose and put all their chips in Jenna Elfman's basket and filled up her basket and did five other sitcoms that all failed too. They blow them out. And nobody ever says it's basically like this. You're decorating a living room and it's the shittiest, ugliest crying clown paintings anyone's ever seen and horrible futons and everything else. And so you walk in and you go, wow, wow, this is a fucking piece of shit. Who decorated this place? And someone goes, oh, no, no, no, the people that decorated this place, they're gone. They're gone. And you go, oh, okay. Meanwhile, there's a warehouse filled with million dollar furniture that they didn't choose. Yeah. At what point do you want to walk across the street and go, let me see that warehouse because these guys are fucking retards. Let me see what's in there. Maybe there's some really cool suede sofa or something that they just walked past to get to. The shitty futon and the crying clown.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, similar. I know a lot of people who had projects in the works when the writers strike hit and nothing ever came of those projects. And I never understood why. But it's like what you're saying, it's like they just have to go forward.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I did. I mean, I can tell you now, I did a animated sitcom, a short for Fox, that's better than a lot of the stuff they have animated on the air. But they passed on it. Okay, fine. The reason it's not going anywhere else is because they passed on it. And I have showed it and pitched it to other places and they went like, yeah, yeah, we like it. Why did. Why did Fox pass on it again?

[Allison Rosen]

It was not something we don't know.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, can't you just fucking. It's really. It is. Like if Natasha Hensridge came up and said, can I suck your dick? And I went.

[Allison Rosen]

And all of a sudden no guy showed an interest in her.

[Dr. Drew]

Why Karol pass on there?

[Bald Bryan]

No, but it's like she asked some gay guy to suck his dick at a party earlier. And I went, well, why did Gerald say no? And then she went, I don't know. That was his decision. Maybe he's gay. And I went, mmm, not going to take any chances. I don't think so. I'm not going to get. I'm not going to chance my dick being in your mouth.

[Allison Rosen]

To use a football analogy, it's like, Matt Millen is a terrible gm. Everyone else in the draft behind him should have looked at the players he passed over and go, those are good players, right? He took results of a bad gm.

[Bald Bryan]

The ones he passed over somewhere around season seven of picking horrible guys in the draft. Look for guys who got passed over. Listen, I have multimillion dollar DVDs, just single DVDs that are sitting on a shelf somewhere and there's hundreds of these. I don't know why the new regime doesn't come in and invest 19 and a half minutes, not 30, 21 minutes, 20 minutes and 38 seconds and go, well, the previous retarded assholes passed on a pile that's on the shelf on the first floor. I'm going to bring these home with me over the weekend and pop them in. Maybe there's something here they never will, they never do. Once it's passed, it's passed. And. All right, well, thank you. There's two and a half million dollars out the fucking window. I'm not offended by it. I just don't get. I don't know how the math works on it. All right. Ryan's favorite guest show. Mangria, Alabama. All right, let's see. Who is your favorite guest on the show? Corey, 27, Baltimore. Hey, man, how you doing? Doing well. Hey, yeah, I just had a question for you.

[Caller]

Allison and Baldy, who are your favorite.

[Bald Bryan]

Guests of all time?

[Caller]

I know you've been doing radio forever.

[Bald Bryan]

Ace, but what about Bald and Allison?

[Caller]

Who are their favorite guests that have.

[Bald Bryan]

Been on the podcast? Get ready with some Joe Coy, by the way, because I'm fast falling in love with that boy. But go ahead. Yeah. What do you think?

[Dr. Drew]

There's so many people that I would say are my favorites, but the first person that does come to mind is Dag. Just because I know that Adam's gonna be laughing so hard, tears are gonna come out of his eyes with Dag.

[Bald Bryan]

Would you guys like to write down your three favorite and think about it for a moment whilst we hear it? Because somebody. Somebody tweeted me. The Archie Bell and the Drells, a Japanese band. Whoa. Dawson's computer just froze. Somebody tweeted me. The fact that a Japanese boy band. Did Archie Bell and the Drells tighten up in, like, the 80s.

[Allison Rosen]

Poor Bong Lu Su. For me, for guests, in terms, there's a number one. There's a big long tie for number two. So I can do my number one. I can write it down like you said.

[Bald Bryan]

Go ahead. I just want to give you a little. I know these things I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

About you, Allison, but I get asked this all the time after a show. Who's your favorite cast, who you love on the show? And there's at least a dozen people who I could name equally who I love. But early on in the show, back in the radio days, I was legitimately excited to meet a guy, an actor I really admired, named Larry Miller because I loved his work. He was great in the Naughty Professor. He's great in the Pretty Woman, and he's just a great character. I'm like, man, I'm really excited to meet this guy. And I loved his five levels of drinking. He's a great stand up comic, a great actor. But so many times when you meet the actor, it ends up not being anywhere near what you hope or the band or whatever. And once again, and once again now, Larry was the first and to this day, best example of guy I was most excited to meet who exceeded my expectations. He just. We all know Larry's the greatest guy in the world and just was everything. I was like, oh, what a great guy. I'm so glad he's a good guy.

[Bald Bryan]

He's so nice. He doesn't say hi. He says hiya.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, pal. How's it going?

[Bald Bryan]

Hey, pal.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, I am. I am always really happy when I know Larry's coming in.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. All right. Dawson, how's your computer doing?

[Dawson]

I'm gonna have to reboot the whole damn thing. Stand by, please.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, go ahead, Allison, what do you think?

[Dr. Drew]

Also, I always laugh a lot when Jay Moore comes in.

[Bald Bryan]

No. Yes.

[Dr. Drew]

Love when Jay Moore comes in.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Dr. Drew]

Loving Jo Koy.

[Bald Bryan]

Mm.

[Dr. Drew]

There's so many.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. There are a lot of guys that are very. And interesting dudes. Let's not forget guys like Bryan Cranston, who are just the nicest guys in the world, and the Alec Baldwin. So always just sort of. They're always. See, they're guys who realize if there's a microphone in front of them, they're going to be engaging, because as long as there's more than two people in the room with them, they need to be engaging. Don't you get the feeling that if you were a stranger and you hopped on an elevator with Alec Baldwin and he struck up a conversation, he would work as hard with you to be engaging as he would if he was hosting snl.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

That they just have one speed that's full, charismatic, engaging speed.

[Allison Rosen]

And back to nice guys. I always get a little emotional when I think about Robert Schimmel. Like, he was such a great guest and such a good guy. That makes me sad that he. He would do so well on this podcast, on his own podcast. If he was around for that, he was.

[Bald Bryan]

The late, great Bob Schimmel would bring in. He was one of these guys bringing produce. He would just bring in a ton of produce. And it was one of these things where really nothing in it for him. He would swing by, like, the Gelsons or the whatever, and he would buy. I mean, it was a good 40 bucks worth of fruit and veggie platters and juice. And juice, and then bring them in at 6, 45, 7 in the morning. Just kind of lay them out. He didn't pack it up and take it with him or something. I see people do this sometimes. I always think, you're so much better than I am. I would never. I would think to grab myself some coffee. Like me some coffee, but I'm not bringing a fruit platter for you.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if I. Oh, go ahead. Sorry.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm gonna cut you good. I just. He would just bring. And it was like his way of going, hey, everyone, be healthy. I know you want a donut and a breakfast burrito, but have yourself some celery.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if I ever told you this, but I saw him while I was getting. While I was really getting treated like radiation. I saw him outside the hospital outside Cedarsani. He was getting treated at the same hospital I was. And I was like, hey, Robert Schimmel, you remember who I was, because he's a great guy. And, you know, joking with her, not even joking, just reminiscing like oh, man. Remember used to bring in produce and all that good stuff to the. We really appreciated that, man. That was cool. And he gave me the whole thing. He lived it, man. He was like, your body's a Ferrari, and you wouldn't put crappy gas into a Ferrari. You put the best stuff in there. He's like, don't eat that crap. And I'm like, words of wisdom, Robert.

[Bald Bryan]

Crazy that he was so ill, but that he died in a car accident. Right.

[Dr. Drew]

I used to get nervous around Dr. Drew at the very. The first couple times I saw Drew.

[Bald Bryan]

I felt like Drew is. Drew is a guy who brings it as well. All right. Dawson's going to have to reprint it.

[Dawson]

It's Windows, man. It's coming up.

[Bald Bryan]

It's Windows that's coming up.

[Dawson]

I had to reboot the whole thing. Sorry.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know anything. People could just literally say whatever they wanted me about computers.

[Dawson]

Programs freeze and shit gets fucked up. I blame Bill Gates.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a much more hit and miss operating system.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, there you go. Corey, is that you? Yeah. You guys, that was great. Thanks. I appreciate that. Yeah, there's a lot of people that are. And then there are people. There are people who can.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, anyone who brings us stuff.

[Bald Bryan]

That's good, right? I was thinking about the documentarian. What's his name?

[Allison Rosen]

Ken Burns.

[Bald Bryan]

Ken Burns. A wildly interesting guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Footnote. I don't mean to interrupt. He wrote an amazing blurb for my book. He got a hard copy mailed to him. He asked for a hard copy, read the whole thing, and wrote a really insightful, thoughtful. Yeah, because he's doing. He's doing a documentary on cancer on a book about cancer. So it's gonna be like a nine part. Anyway, sorry, back to.

[Bald Bryan]

No, I find it fascinating when you know people from one world, but they're incredibly engaging, funny, fast on their feet and all that kind of stuff. Just right here. Oh, and Lou Diamond Phillips, by the way. All right, Dawson. Nothing.

[Dawson]

Still restarting.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, all right, all right. Dawson, how's it going? Not good.

[Dawson]

That's doing the same thing. Still freezing.

[Bald Bryan]

We need new computer.

[Dawson]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay, here we go. Oh, there it is. Just caught up.

[Allison Rosen]

Just in time. Hit the mark.

[Bald Bryan]

10Th of a second ever said yes. This is the Japanese version.

[Allison Rosen]

Japan, no, we dance.

[Bald Bryan]

You understand? We are the number one dance in Tokyo now. Titan app was very popular in Houston, Texas, without your bell and bells. Now we are the number one.

[Allison Rosen]

Even Bong. Lose. Get the fuck out.

[Bald Bryan]

It's crazy, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Is there even a 1% chance choke. Like heard this before he did this thing.

[Bald Bryan]

No, impossible. Because he didn't know I was gonna bring in Titan up. I was just stuck in Tuscany traffic and I was talking to Mike lynch and I said, joe Coy's coming in tonight. We got a come up with a song for him to play. And then this song popped in my head because I knew it was a song where the guy talked and I couldn't think of. You know, we had the floaters where they talked and I thought if we loop at the beginning of this. It's crazy. Yeah. You can hear the Jo Koy version, by the way, which Dawson is opening and computer over there.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm enjoying this.

[Bald Bryan]

It is kind of. Nothing wrong with it.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Well.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, it does.

[Dr. Drew]

I can't believe this exists.

[Bald Bryan]

Let's put it this way. If Sarah Silverman did it, she'd be in a lot of trouble.

[Allison Rosen]

I was thinking that sounded like kind of like a bad parody from the 60s. I mean like one that would be considered very on PC today. But the fact that was done by.

[Bald Bryan]

A Japanese boy band. Hey, everybody, this about listen and no longer with us, is it? Archie Barrel. I win. Adrian, I take over now. Sing the song for you. All the roots people out there like Al. Sir, you need a tie nap. I want to know how many ladies out there wear the favorite flip flop. Don't get a head count on the flip flops. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 6. Flip out so far your toes don't look too good. We can take care of that for you after. End of show. You got a dance called the Tighten. We also do petty money. Yeah, and don't no tighten up. Tighten up. We make sure your toenail look very tighten up. No, no, right now. They look really roost right now. You know what I'm talking about? Just to tighten up, you got to dance. You're out of Houston. This is a dance for all the roost ladies out there. Harrison, stop being so ruse. You need a time now. All right, Archie Bell. So I don't. Again, I don't. I don't know how the great magnet works, but I was just sitting in tustin traffic and I said tighten it up with the Chinese guy leading the. And then somebody tweeted me then, so I guess it was around now then. The question is, see, people say this all the time. They go, well, you must have ripped that off. How else would you put those two things together? But I can tell you, I never saw that before.

[Allison Rosen]

Quite a long shot.

[Bald Bryan]

It's a long shot. Not to rip it off.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, no. Well, yeah, both ways, right?

[Bald Bryan]

All right. Lou Diamond Phillips is out there. I'm anxious and excited to see him and we'll bring him in next.

[Dawson]

The Adam Corolla show honors journalistic excellence with another great moment in local news pad.

[Bald Bryan]

Coming up at 6, two cow costumes.

[Adam Carolla]

Stolen from a chick fil. A storage unit have been recovered tonight.

[Bald Bryan]

How police were able to move in and get them back. Well done, Rick.

[Dawson]

The spirit of Murrow and Cronkite live on. Now back to the Adam Carolla show.

[Bald Bryan]

Blue Diamond Phillips. I saw Blue on the soup a couple months back. Had a great time with him. Find him on the show. He was dynamite.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Now he's back again and you know failure is my only option, right?

[Bald Bryan]

That's right. Nowhere to go but down. Yeah, you got it, Lou. Involved a few things. Well, the website, by the way. Lou Diamond Phillips.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Oh, that's. That's so bizarre. I've never ever had my own fan site or anything like that. There's this lovely lady in England, I think, you know, I put a knickers in a twist and she tends to.

[Bald Bryan]

Like, what'd you do with the black guy?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah, exactly. And it's hard to hear, you know, a Courtney accent coming out of a black guy, but I got a lot of friends like that. But this lady asked if she could run this website, you know, that has my updates and stuff like that. Not official, but yeah, okay. You know, she finds out about stuff before I do.

[Bald Bryan]

I Looking around here. Oh, Twitter, by the way.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Loud. Phillips. Lou D. Phillips.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, really? And enjoying a little Mangria. God bless you over there. Hey, the Mangrias Lou was saying he was on a diet because he's dieting for a film that he can't talk about.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah, it's one of those things you.

[Bald Bryan]

Can'T talk about, but then if you talk about it, no one seems to give a shit.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I think they give a shit as long as you don't talk about it. But then when you start talking about it, it's like, oh, well, that's old news.

[Bald Bryan]

But then there's a certain.

[Dr. Drew]

Let's make it old news.

[Bald Bryan]

There's a certain point where they make you talk about it. Contractually a big film.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yes, thank goodness. I actually go to Bogota, Colombia next week. Man, I'm going down there and say hello to my little film.

[Allison Rosen]

Expendables 3.

[Bald Bryan]

Huh?

[Allison Rosen]

I guess that. By the way, I totally guessed that.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I can't say anything about that. You know what I'm saying? Just. No it's not Expendable three, but it's, you know, interesting movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Last time I was. I am. I was doing a TV series today and I was sitting back and enjoying not having to be funny.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Was this in lovely Tustin?

[Allison Rosen]

It's great.

[Bald Bryan]

Beautiful, picturesque Tusk. Yeah, it's great.

[Allison Rosen]

That's wonderful.

[Bald Bryan]

You guys have an awesome life. No, I used to remember doing. When we do, man, show bits, there were like three minutes, three minute bits, and they weren't fucking funny. It was. It sucked, you know, and we'd be on these shoots and we'd be like, you know, we're not getting it. This isn't good. We're not. We're gonna go into the bay. It's not gonna be there. We're not gonna have it. You know, we do these things. You do reality shows that get a serious reaction shot. Do a music sting, have the guy shaking his head, go to commercial. So much fucking easier. Like, I just remember saying, yeah, all you have to do in lieu, pardon the pun, of saying something funny is just go, man, the homeowners are really disappointed in you and you're cool. That's why I always hated Dr. Drew. I was like, you don't have to fucking do anything except for just be you. I have to come up with funny shit. But there was a lot of pressure. And last time Lou and I were on stage, I was saying, I want to go drama. Comedy's too hard. Meanwhile, NYPD Blue and all these other la. Whatever, they're all. They're franchise. There's a million of them. They're all over the place. You know, Tom Selleck is blue blood.

[Dr. Drew]

These have to look intense.

[Bald Bryan]

It's like an all new blue blood and then that's it.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Or be me. You know, the brooding ethnic. And brooding ethnic.

[Bald Bryan]

Blue Diamond Phillips is the brooding ethnic.

[Allison Rosen]

I think freeze free modem jumping.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

What can brown do for you?

[Bald Bryan]

And then we were having fun being cops and I realized I think I could write. First off, I think all that cop dialogue's all been written a million times before.

[Allison Rosen]

Just mad libs rearranging words.

[Bald Bryan]

I like it when they lay a little pipe, you know? Just because you were divorced, just because you blame yourself for the suicide of your teenage boy, just because you're gonna retire in three weeks, just because you got the mayor, the DA and the city council up their ass doesn't give you the right to judge me.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I will judge you.

[Bald Bryan]

Why?

[Dawson]

Because I'm a judge.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see a robe.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Oh, okay.

[Bald Bryan]

And the powdered wig. I was wet a line. Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It's quite alright.

[Bald Bryan]

Wow. Well, you're holding the gavel and everything. What? This is embarrassing.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It just.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, that's stenographer.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It's not yet.

[Bald Bryan]

Jesus Christ. That was it. That was a laugh. I should have known that one. Yeah, yeah. You're a cop, you're on the edge, you better reel it in. Longmire.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Listen to me and you listen good. Because I'm only going to tell you once, maybe twice, depending on how long it's going to take for the commercial break and if the viewers actually change the channel, which they probably will. So I will repeat this after the commercial break. But so I will tell you twice. You son of a bitch. You're the best I've ever seen. And you, you just need to be better.

[Bald Bryan]

I like it when the person has the name that's revealed. Always first name. Whenever the last name is a great cop. Last name, first name is always super simple like John.

[Allison Rosen]

Last name's Hunter or MC Hunter.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. It's never Felix justice, it's always John. They try to give you a first name like John so you believe the second part. Apprehendment.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Sherman Strongman.

[Bald Bryan]

But I like it when they do that Apprehend Anelli. And then you get to know that it was. That was. It was. It was the best part of Stallone in Cobra. Cobra? Yeah, yeah, it's a Kobrowski.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It was actually Cobretti Cabretti. And you know, I just. I picture him laying awake and oh, Cobra. Hey, that's a franchise, right?

[Bald Bryan]

They probably thought he's got to be pissed when he spins. Only makes one version of one.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that didn't work. Yeah, and the poster, he has the gun like cocked right next to his ear, but it's going off and I'm wondering how loud is that and is he now deaf? Because the gun is shooting right next to his face. Right next to it.

[Bald Bryan]

I think that poster was Crime is the disease or a disease and he's the cure. Yeah, yeah. Did the Schwarzenegger Stallone Prison Break movie come out already or did it hit hard? I swear to God, I think it came and went.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

He might have come and gone, but he has grudge match with Bobby Bobby D coming up right after us. So he's got him backed up.

[Bald Bryan]

Another one of those things where.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Oh, come on, that one makes sense though, man. You got Rocky versus Raging bullshit, dude. I mean, that's what, you know, you put the two things together that you heard it before. You got Rocky, you got Raging Bull. It meets, you know.

[Bald Bryan]

Tell me you're getting in shape for your latest film. Do you think that some actors. Not to bring up Baldwin's name again, but when Baldwin, I think he's lost about 25 pounds. He was, he was getting pretty husky there a couple years back, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And I was on the phone with him and I was doing Dancing with the Stars and I don't know why I was on the phone with him in my kitchen. I must have called him. But I remember standing in my kitchen and he said to me, like, he said, it's gotta be great, right? He just, you work out, you dance. And he said, like, I should do that. I should practice dance like five hours a day. Like that would be my job and I'd sweat away all this weight. Do you think with some actors, when you say to De Niro, probably not Stallone, but like De Niro, where you go, like, listen, someone's basically going to pay you to get in the most incredible shape a 63 year old can get in for the next five months. Like you're just going to go into training and they look at their gut a little bit and they go, so I'm going to get 5 million bucks just essentially going to train, like to go lose weight. Fuck it, I'll just do it. Do you know what I mean? I have a feeling that certain movies, when they're shot on, we're shooting this one in Maui, like the script could kind of suck, but they go, fuck it, three months in Maui.

[Dr. Drew]

Lose some weight anyway, right?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

And then get paid for it.

[Bald Bryan]

Right.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

But I mean, De Niro has done that his entire career, you know, I mean, he's a freaking chameleon. And he just drops it and he sheds it. And you know, I hung out with him a time or two, you know, I can't eat tonight, I'm off the pasta, I'm just gonna have a salad, you know, that kind of thing. And Alec, our children went to the same school together for a while. And he's cyclical. Man, Piggy girl. Well, he would just, he would just show up in like a neoprene body suit and he thought that's what was going to help him drop the weight, you know. And in July in Los Angeles and you know, he's sweating like a, you know, stuck pig.

[Bald Bryan]

It says here at the bottom of the page that you are a co owner of Tribeca Grill.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I am indeed.

[Bald Bryan]

With Bobby De Niro.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

With Bobby. How did that come About God. Did I tell a story about how I met De Niro the last time I was here?

[Bald Bryan]

If you did, I was drunk. Let's.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah, yeah. No. Yeah. A little mangria. We'll do it. I actually snuck into his room in Deauville, France, at the Deauville Film Festival dressed as a bellboy.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, this one.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Oh, yeah, that.

[Bald Bryan]

I know.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I remember that dress.

[Bald Bryan]

As a bellboy.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

I miss guys dressing as bellboy, you.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Know, it was a Jerry Lewis moment and it worked.

[Bald Bryan]

Seriously, where were you? I was. You had the opportunity.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I was at a dinner.

[Dr. Drew]

And what happened to the bell boy?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I was at a dinner, gagged in that class and. Remember Robert Townsend, Hollywood shuffle, back in the day and I were sitting together. We're newbies in Hollywood and we're joking because De Niro's supposed to be sitting at the table with us.

[Bald Bryan]

Is this a con?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Deauville, France.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know where Derville is.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It is in the north. It is not.

[Bald Bryan]

It has nothing to do with.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

No, no.

[Bald Bryan]

This is no film festival.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

No, no. This is more.

[Bald Bryan]

What are you guys all doing there?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It's a film festival.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, I was way off.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

All right.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

The not con film festival.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

No, it's the can't. The Cant film festival. But. So De Niro never shows up at this dinner. Townes and I are joking. I make the joke. I'm gonna have to dress up as a bellboy to ever meet Robert De Niro. Well, my translator, guide, driver, you know, guy. The very next morning, I go to do Pressure and he leans over to me at 7 in the morning. Goes, by the way, if you would like the bellboys outfit, I have it. I went, what? The bellboys outfit. To meet Monsieur De Niro. And I went, are you fucking kidding me? And sure enough, he had a bellboys outfit and he had De Niro's itinerary because the same people were working with that company.

[Bald Bryan]

I love professionals who are wildly unprofessional.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It was fantastic. Well, I made him laugh, because I do. And he's one Frenchman who actually thinks it's funny, but so, yeah. So sure enough, I show up at Bobby's door and, you know, I bring a bottle of champagne, Perrier Jouer, and not that I'm name dropping, but. And a note, you know, handwritten for me. Hi, I'm Lou Diamond Phillips. My movie, La Bamba is showing tonight right after the Untouchables. Would you please stay and watch my film? There you have it. So I get. Long story Short. I get into the room.

[Bald Bryan]

How do you get in the room?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I'm delivering the champagne.

[Bald Bryan]

Do you knock on the door and.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Somebody else answered and literally read the note and yelled, yeah. No, unfortunately, no. No. Iman or somebody like that. But no. No. Actually, an Israeli cat, as far away from watching as you can get, that.

[Bald Bryan]

Is Lou Diamond Phillips.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Well, no, he didn't even know. And so he reads the card, and he shouts over his shoulder, he goes, hey, Bobby, do you know Lou Diamond Phillips? He goes, I don't know. Maybe he's a producer, right? So I get in the room, and so now Bobby walks in, he wants some champagne. I've never fucking opened a bottle of champagne in my life. I'm 25 years old.

[Bald Bryan]

So he doesn't know who you are. You're in the outfit.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I'm in the outfit.

[Bald Bryan]

But you can't. Too late to go back now.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah, I'm stuck. And I'm out of French. By the way, Bertrand Maison taught me, Bienvenue, Monsieur de Niro. You know, that's all I got. That's it.

[Dr. Drew]

You know, Adam has no idea what he's.

[Bald Bryan]

Did you call my mom a cunt?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I did.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I did. You know, all I got now is we, we, we, we, we.

[Bald Bryan]

You're gonna open the bottle in front of these random guys.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I'm trying to figure out how the hell to open up this bottle. And then the other guy says, bobby, this guy's not from this hotel. Well, the bellboy's outfit was from a different hotel. Oh, so now De Niro's looking at me, you know, like he's Capone and the Untouchables. You're right. He's not from this hotel. I wonder what he's doing here. And I. You know, I'm about to give it up. You know, I'm pissing my pants. And the other guy says, bobby, the guy walked six blocks. He obviously doesn't speak English. He walked six blocks, delivered the champagne. You're gonna. And he was gonna make me open up a bottle of Dom instead of the one I brought, you know, so, no, merci, merci. No, no, no. No problem. You know? Bonjour. Bonjour. Out the door, I go. Later that evening, I run into him. I have to give it up now. I am Lou Diamond Phillips. I'm the guy who sent you the bottle of. Brought you the bottle of champagne. He thought it was hilarious. You're pulling over on me. You got me. You got me. You're good.

[Bald Bryan]

You.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

You're good. And so, yeah, sure enough, we developed a friendship. And, you know, a few years later, he called me up to be a partner in Tribeca Grill.

[Bald Bryan]

Did he hang out and watch La Bamba?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Of course not.

[Allison Rosen]

Had he lost the weight from Untouchables? Because he put on a lot of weight for that.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

No, no, he was back. Then again. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Forgot about Capone. The Untouchables weight. All right. Lifelock, baby. Oh, identity thieves targeting you. There's people posing as French bellboys as we speak.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the least of your worries, huh?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

And by the way, please, nobody ever try that with me, because I'll see you coming.

[Bald Bryan]

Free champagne is free champagne now. These guys are crooks. They're on the Internet. They're trying to steal your identity. Allison.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, this really scared me. I just read the story about a Vietnamese man who helped to steal and sell the personal and financial data of hundreds of thousands of Americans. According to a federal indictment, he and others involved in the conspiracy are accused of stealing and offering for sale over the Internet identity packages that contain a person's name, date of birth, Social Security number, bank account and bank routing number. They sold or for sale were over 500,000 packages. I didn't realize people were. I mean, it makes sense, but people are trying to buy it out there.

[Bald Bryan]

It's out there, and it's going to continue to be out there.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

They started stealing 70s funk, and then, you know, all bets were off.

[Bald Bryan]

You gotta Go LifeLock, baby. LifeLock Dawson.

[Dawson]

LifeLock Services can't protect you or your bank accounts if you're not a member. So as a special holiday gift, LifeLock is offering Adam Carolla show listeners 15% off your LifeLock ultimate membership. Call or visit LifeLock.com use promo code Adam15. That's promo code Adam15. For your 15% off holiday gift, call 800-496-50308 004965030 8004965030. Network does not cover all transactions and scope may vary. Offer ends 1231. Thirteen.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, Lou. Hang out. Crack wise.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Totally.

[Bald Bryan]

We'll have some fun. Longmire.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yes, sir.

[Bald Bryan]

Is that coming back?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It is coming back. I mean, AE's being coy about it, but you. They made an announcement and they ran into trades and then they kind of backpedaled a little bit. Goes, well, we've got some negotiation to go on. I mean, it's the same bullshit you were talking about earlier. It's all the behind the scenes machinations that just keep people from getting to see what they want to see. But, I mean, we were the number one show on AE scripted drama wise for two years running. Their highest premiere ever. Two years in a row. So they'd be more honest.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm assuming it's coming back.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I would assume. Coming back.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, we'll keep you posted on that. Allison Rosen. Little news, baby girl.

[Dawson]

The news with Allison Rosen.

[Bald Bryan]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Dr. Drew]

Paleontologists have discovered a new dinosaur.

[Bald Bryan]

It's pretty exciting if it's minute. If it's under sunny muscle. It's gotta be huge. Oh, it's big. Good, then I'm into it.

[Dr. Drew]

24Ft long, 8ft tall at the hip, covered in scales and feathers. And they discovered it in southern Utah. And they say that it proves that giant tyrant dinosaurs like Tyrannosaurus Rex were around 10 million years earlier than previously believed. And the new one is called Lithronax Argestes.

[Bald Bryan]

Why they call him Tyrant? I mean, like the ones that we have, the flesh eating type.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I'm imagining Tyrannosaurus Rex, meaning king.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, nice.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

King Tyrant type thing.

[Bald Bryan]

Tyrant. I like that one.

[Dr. Drew]

And asked what this carnivorous dinosaur ate, the paleontologist said, whatever it wants.

[Bald Bryan]

That's right.

[Dr. Drew]

I like when they have a little bit of a sense of humor. But southern Utah, I mean, that's exciting.

[Bald Bryan]

They find a lot of shit in Utah, which ironically. I don't know what Mormons think. We came here in space capsules or something.

[Allison Rosen]

The dinosaurs were obviously in the space capsules.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. I'm trying to think. The dinosaur bones, it's a pretty religious area.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And I'm not sure exactly what their beliefs are as it pertains to the earth and the age of the earth and how many. Guess.

[Dr. Drew]

They believe that there's no way there was life that long ago.

[Bald Bryan]

So, like, the earth cooled and then Brigham Young showed up. Am I screwing this one up? The point is this. It's crazy that they. That they're finding dinosaurs in the backyard. Well, some. We'll figure out. It is ironic how old the earth is according.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Have you heard the fundamentalist belief that. And you know, this is. I'm giving this second hand. But that the dinosaur bones were put there by Satan to make us question our faith?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, that does make sense.

[Bald Bryan]

Interesting.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Wrinkle yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Satan. Satan put those bones there. Yeah, I gotcha. I pull it over on you, you wacky Christians.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, Gary, I don't need to know the punked earth is. I need to know.

[Dr. Drew]

We're talking about how old Mormons think.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, yeah, Mormons, right. That's the Earth part. That's cool. Besides, you're just getting that from your fucking hippie atheist friends. And anyway. Or were we.

[Dr. Drew]

We were talking about how Satan obviously put the dinosaur bones there to make good, faithful people question their faith.

[Bald Bryan]

I was, but if you just want to know where I'm at with things, have nothing to do. Something to do with this.

[Allison Rosen]

I was just thinking that. Where are you at with things?

[Bald Bryan]

Where am I at with things? Where is that? I'm at with things when I see. I see a movie where Jim Carrey's kid hopes that he could never tell another lie as he's blowing out the candles in his birthday ca. And then it's smash cut to him in an elevator talking about a chick's rack and then smacking himself in the face and then going, I can't stop lying. And then I watch that movie and I go, well, that's a piece of shit. And then I go, when someone goes, why? And I go, because it doesn't make any sense at all. Why would his kid. Just because clouds parted during this one scene or thunder shot down. You know the thing where it's like, well, the two guys were pissing in the fountain at the same time when lightning struck, and now they switch personalities. Like, I don't know if urine works that way or electrical storms. I'm not a scientist.

[Dr. Drew]

I don't think it does.

[Bald Bryan]

So stop doing. How much mileage have they gotten out of the electric? The lightning striking as whatever. But wait, let me say Jurassic Park. I completely. I'm on board with. There's a mosquito. It sucked up some blood. It got some DNA, got stuck in amber. It's been locked off. In time, they were able to extract that DNA from it and now grow the DNA completely fine with it. I'm not a scientist. Good enough. Enjoying the rest of the movie. Not two fucking T. Rexes were peeing in a fountain when lightning struck.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It depends on what you have to drink, though, honestly. I mean, if you have a lot of mangria, then that's going to change the electrocurrent thing going on there.

[Bald Bryan]

I agree. Many Mormons believe The Earth is 7,000 years old, but there's no official stance. Sounds about as far as the church.

[Allison Rosen]

What is it about certain movies that makes you buy into the concept and not. I was just thinking about one of the all time great movies. I don't think you can even debate about Groundhog Day, which has. Don't laugh. That's a great.

[Dr. Drew]

No, I love the movie.

[Allison Rosen]

There's no explanation to why it's happening. There's. It's semi supernatural, just happens, but everyone who's seen the movie buys in and it's a great movie. It's one of the all time greats.

[Bald Bryan]

I can.

[Allison Rosen]

Defending your life. Although that one explains a little more.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, defending your life, he dies. And this is supposedly what may or may not happen after one dies, but I think it's one of the most intelligent movies about after death, life after death ever. But first off, it's execution. You just have to do it right. Secondly, I would rather have no reason like grounded than a flimsy, trumped up, paper thin reason like, oh, they're peeing in the same fountain or the lightning struck or the kid blew out the candles and blah, blah, blah. Don't insult me with your flimsy reasons. Just have it be.

[Dr. Drew]

I just saw a movie that everyone saw a long time ago, and I should have seen a long time ago, but I'm admitting that I only just saw it for the first time. The Matrix.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Bald Bryan]

Never saw the Matrix.

[Dr. Drew]

Oh, you never saw it?

[Bald Bryan]

No.

[Dr. Drew]

Oh, did you, Lou?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I refused to at first because like an asshole, I turned it down.

[Bald Bryan]

Really?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah. Not. Not the Keanu role, strangely enough. Yeah. And you were talking about regrets earlier and, you know, missed opportunity. This script was so out there. The Wachowski brothers were doing things that nobody had ever done before. I mean, what the hell is bullet time? You're reading this script and it makes no sense whatsoever. And when it came to me, the original offer was out to two other guys. Not Fishburne and not Keanu Reeves.

[Allison Rosen]

Aidan Smith.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

No. Brad Pitt and Sean Connery.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know those names.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

A couple of.

[Dr. Drew]

They're famous, Adam.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, then they were. But obviously.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Time'S not being kind, but yeah, so I said, you know, and it was. It was for one of the other roles, a supporting role. And I didn't really get the script. And I said, okay, you know what? If one of those guys says yes, I'm in. And neither of them said yes. And they called me and said, okay, well, Keanu Reeves said yes. And I went, okay. Yeah, Never mind.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Fresh off of Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure.

[Dr. Drew]

Do you remember which part it was that they were offering?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I do, but I'm not going to say because it would be disrupted. Disrespectful to the guy who got three films in my money.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh. Would not be disrespectful. Oh. Because they told him that he was their only and first choice.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah, yeah. More than likely.

[Allison Rosen]

Possibly.

[Bald Bryan]

Mm. Yeah. Listen, it happens all the time. You've probably been on the winning end of that.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Thank God. But only after a few people have.

[Bald Bryan]

Turned it down a time or two, Right? No, listen. John Candy was originally going to be in Obama.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God.

[Bald Bryan]

Richie Valance. He was Richie Valance.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

And you would think he'd be playing the Big Bopper.

[Bald Bryan]

No, no, no.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

He had a great head of hair.

[Bald Bryan]

He was gonna be Richie Valance. Passed on it. Lou stepped in and rest his history.

[Allison Rosen]

Things worked out all right.

[Bald Bryan]

What the hell are we talking about, Justin?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, I was. I was gonna say there was part of the Matrix that didn't make sense, that they never addressed. That didn't make sense to me, but seeing as you haven't seen it, let's just move on.

[Bald Bryan]

I have. I have no. I have zero geek gene in me or something. I don't know what's wrong with. I think it would intrusive or something. All right, I'm gonna watch.

[Dr. Drew]

From a theoretical standpoint. It's a very interesting idea.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay, I'm in.

[Dr. Drew]

All right. Moving on to important hard news. Justin Bieber was caught spraying graffiti in Brazil.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

He's a thug.

[Dr. Drew]

The website of Brazil's biggest news published photos Wednesday that it says show him spray paint graffiti on a wall. And now police want to question him. This is in the O Globo newspaper.

[Bald Bryan]

Police in Brazil or they're in another country.

[Allison Rosen]

Is he getting caned?

[Dr. Drew]

He's gonna have a. There's gonna be a parade for him. And he was. He was spraying graffiti on the wall of the former Hotel Nacional in Rio de Janeiro.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, I was looking at the picture. The picture looked like a big toad. But he doesn't look like he had the kind of time to do the whole toad.

[Dr. Drew]

No. Maybe he was just adding some shading.

[Bald Bryan]

If it already existed. And you're there just to define it a little bit.

[Dr. Drew]

This is like an outtake from a video.

[Bald Bryan]

Also, doesn't this just look like Chris Brown's condo or something? Like, I don't call this official graffiti. This is just crazy characters, right? Just more sort of stuff for people to look at when they're drunk. Doesn't Brazil just feel like one big place. You should walk through drunk and look at things.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. There's, like, layers to this graffiti. This is. I mean, you can call it art if you want to, but it took some time.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

This is a project.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Oh. See? And it says thug Life, you know? So this is. He's getting street cred from this. He's a gangster. He's a gangster now.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know what his deal with the tats and taking the shirts off everywhere and speeding through the neighborhoods and all that kind of. It's funny you brought up Chris Brown, Ace. This is something that Bieber did in Columbia last week, and he spray painted free breezy right after Chris Brown was sent back to jail. Oh, really? Yeah. Chris Brown is breezy. Correct. That's not that thing? That's not that fabric softener? No. Febreze. Team Febreze.

[Dr. Drew]

I'm on Team Febreze.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, so he.

[Dr. Drew]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

Great magnet. Look out world.

[Dr. Drew]

Bogota, where he performed last year. He upset authorities when he spray painted graffiti on a wall along one of the capital city's main avenues while being escorted by officers. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Isn't the place covered with graffiti? And how come everyone else's graffiti's happy? Graffiti, like, I. You know, they see that shit where it's like, oh, the graffiti on the Berlin Wall. But it's like murals and shit. Our graffiti is just shit. Just shit graffiti. Like, fuck you written in longhand, you.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Know, in tags you can't read and shit.

[Bald Bryan]

You can't read in tags. Yeah. Just gangs you're not aware of. There's nothing creative. Doesn't it seem like everyone else's graffiti would make a poster over here? I feel like international graffiti exceeds ours by.

[Dr. Drew]

Does it have a different name?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Well, it seems like international graffiti tends to be political. They actually have something to say as opposed to, I was here.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. Right. Literally, my stink is on this freeway overpass versus this, you know?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Hence the barbed wire.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, Hence the barbed wire. That is right. All right, what else?

[Dr. Drew]

Still reeling from my shaming from Brian over my pronunciation of that word.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know if there was another city I didn't know about.

[Dr. Drew]

It's in Colombia.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

All right, Columbia.

[Dr. Drew]

Thank you.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

You're welcome.

[Dr. Drew]

Jimmy Kimmel will host Howard Stern's 60th. 60th birthday bash on the evening of January 31, 2014.

[Bald Bryan]

Where's that at?

[Dr. Drew]

It has not been announced yet. The details haven't been announced. What's been announced, though, is that Jimmy Kimmel will be hosting it.

[Bald Bryan]

Is he is.

[Dr. Drew]

It's gonna be a special live broadcast from New York City.

[Bald Bryan]

So like a TV show.

[Dr. Drew]

I think it's serious. I don't think it's gonna be televised. I think it's gonna be an audio thing.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, I think I'm doing something with Jimmy. I don't know. Jimmy's doing something. Comedy boy. I don't know why, but I always get obnoxious when it's like comedy changing lives or something. Like, I don't know, I don't know why I want to vomit. But whenever I drive down Pass Avenue and there's that big picture of Ellen and it says, like, find out what, what funny can do. And she's looking sort of. She has a very earnest look on her face, like she's healing money. Can't do shit. Whoopee cushions are funny. They sound like farts. Stop taking the funny so fucking seriously.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Would you people, I don't know, Woody Allen said, you know, you want to change the world, write funnier jokes.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, all right, well, everyone could lighten up, but I just don't like this idea.

[Dr. Drew]

I mean, is it really changing the world or is it just making people have a better time?

[Bald Bryan]

I don't think anyone watch. I just don't think funny does anything. I'm, I'm fine with it, but I'd rather people, I don't know, curates or something. That's all I'm saying. I don't know what. I never understand why we take comedians and decide that they're heroes. They're mostly jack offs with personality disorders, or they're just funny and they got rich off it, which is awesome. But dentists do more good work in general, you know what I'm saying, guys? Chains of bowling alleys probably bring more happiness. That's all I'm saying. Why does it have to be so highfalutin, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, they do the, you know, they'll do like, they'll say, that guy's funny. And then they'll go, he's a genius. But then again, there's.

[Dr. Drew]

Everything gets supersized.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yes, but you know, it's the pontification. You know, you guys were talking earlier. You know, you see a trend, you see something going on in society, you're in touch with the zeitgeist. And now you got somebody who can articulate that for you and speak what you might have not been able to verbalize. And so suddenly they seem to be a genius because they are, you know, your voice, they're your mouthpiece.

[Dr. Drew]

I mean, do you feel like someone like Carlin is deserving of that?

[Bald Bryan]

I listen, I think it's great that people can take. You know, I love it when someone, you know, when he does a bit where he takes football and turns it into the military and, you know, does that thing with the general quarterback and.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

All that kind of stuff. Lenny Bruce, I mean, these are people who tapped into.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, but a lot of them were just junkies who made a ton of money and fucked around on their wives. And they were funny, and they're funny. I just mean there's a lot of smart people that do a lot of interesting things. I don't know when the funny thing and the genius as it pertains, I think it's mostly circle jerks with other actors. People do it with acting, too. It's a sort of gift thing.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Why did you look at me?

[Dr. Drew]

Because you're an actor.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, there's that. This is called Comedy Gives Back. By the way, the thing we'll be doing with Jimmy, I'm just. I don't know why. I always just figured your jobs will be funny, then your jobs will get paid, then your job's to shut the fuck up.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a unique skill. Maybe that's why it's looked at and rewarded so highly in emotional ways, like to reach someone. I don't know if you had an ability just to make someone cry with your words, and that's a bizarre one. But make them laugh with your words.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I've had a lot of dates like that, actually.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a good point.

[Bald Bryan]

I like funny people, and there's not many of them. I just don't know why David Letterman needs to be a hero. Well, he could just make 30 million bucks a year and that'd be cool with me.

[Dr. Drew]

The award show parlance, I think, where all of a sudden everyone is brave and generous and heroic and.

[Bald Bryan]

Right.

[Dr. Drew]

They show us what we want.

[Bald Bryan]

One of those Kennedy center things, I think.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

I'll tell you who's a hero. Maxima style, baby. MaximaStyle.com. these guys, they do the LED bulbs. Oh, my God. That's all I use. I just got about. I think I got 19. Oh, hell, I've got ton. Every light in this entire place. LED, not hot, does not burn the kilowatts. Maximus style. Then take a 50 watt standard bulb, replace it with an 8 watt. That's like half or even less. Hold on, let me crunch some numbers here. 25.

[Allison Rosen]

It's definitely less.

[Bald Bryan]

25% or maybe. Shit. Anyway, it's less than 50 watts. That's what it is. You can replace that 50 watt bulb with an 8 watt LED bulb for less than 15 bucks. You save hundreds. And as you know, I live with a kilowatts. That's going to be my new sitcom. My family just leaves every motherfucking thing on in the entire house.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

All living with the Kilowatts.

[Bald Bryan]

Living with the Kilowatts.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I hate it. I hate watts.

[Bald Bryan]

They kill a wattage. I live with a Kilowatt family, and.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

If you set it in watts. Come on now.

[Bald Bryan]

Sassy black people wasting electricity. This is going to be great. Whose toast element is this? And why do we need five of them? We don't even have toast, motherfucker. Whoo. Yeah. The Kilowatts now coming to watch everybody. And we're moving on up to the Kilowatt. Where was I? Maxx IMA style. Maxima style. That's where you go. You get all your LED lighting fixtures. Whether you're a contractor or electrician or one of the Kilowatt family members, Use the coupon code Adam for additional savings. Maximastyle.com yeah, sorry. Where were we?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, sex is not as good a workout as you might think. Healthy men can burn about 4.2 calories per minute, while women can burn about 3.1 calories per minute.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

But it just sounds like you're doing it wrong.

[Dr. Drew]

How much do you think you burn?

[Bald Bryan]

Lose a passion.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Well, we're talking about minutes. Can we break it down even further? I know Adam's not any good at math, but how much do you burn in 20 seconds? That's what I'd like to know.

[Dr. Drew]

I mean, probably not that much, but versus. Here are some other things just to give you sort of a spectrum. Carrying an infant upstairs burns 5.9 calories a minute. If you put one under each arm, it's even more. And then if you hold them above your head, it's good for your heart.

[Bald Bryan]

I feel like whatever calories are burnt having sex are way offset by whatever food is consumed afterward.

[Dr. Drew]

Oh, are you one of those?

[Bald Bryan]

I like to eat after sex. It's usually it just means it's time to eat, you know what I mean? It's time to. I've rid my body of that horrible semen and it's time to move on to another vice, you know what I mean? For me, it's going to be food. I get sleepy after I eat the hoagie, and then I go to sleep.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I'm still stuck on the overhead presses with your six month old. Really? How about you get some dumbbells?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, they used to talk about, you know why I think they think sex burns a lot of calories? Because we're used to seeing people that are in great shape having sex. You see people who are in porn are young and they're high on coke and they're in great shape and we watch them fuck. We don't see fat people fucking. If they had fat people in porn and you just put on a porn movie and there's a couple fatties going at it, you'd be going, this is no good. This doesn't burn any calories. We've been watching guys basically in a pushup position sort of flexing their triceps with the thing, doing that move. And we've been watching it so long we just assume it must be in fantastic shape. This must get you into fantastic shape. I'd say it's the push ups in the coke that are done off the set that get you into fantastic fucking shape.

[Dr. Drew]

Can we get back to the post sex snack? You go into the kitchen or you bring food back to the bedroom.

[Bald Bryan]

I'll fuck a melon if I have to. It doesn't matter.

[Dr. Drew]

I have a friend who has done that.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh really?

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah, I think I mentioned it. Make a little hole in the cantaloupe, put it in the microwave. Be careful not to little hole.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know about that. Not going to drop a digit on him. I'm not a weirdo.

[Dr. Drew]

Put it in the microwave, make sure it's not too hot and then go to town. It's great.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

It's like seated for your pleasure.

[Dr. Drew]

Exactly. It's exfoliating.

[Bald Bryan]

I think I have this theory, but I don't know. I never really thought about it too much, but kind of when you get on a indulgent roll, you kind of want to keep going, keep binging in all ways. Yeah. There's people who never smoke, but when they get drunk they smoke because now all of a sudden they're indulging themselves, you know, like think about it. When you, you get a little booze in you and you're like, yeah, where's that cigarette? Where are those bugles? Like, I need something to eat. Like I will get drunk and just grab handfuls of shit and eat it that I don't even like. Just because I'm going, I'm drunk, I have to do something that's bad for me. Like I'm on this indulgent.

[Dr. Drew]

That's why I Hardly ever drink an indulgent role. Because this was me for a number of days. I'm not going to do X, Y, or Z. And then all of a sudden, I'd be drunk, and I'd be doing X, Y, or Z. And I was like, it's the thing that always comes before me doing that thing. I said, I'm not gonna do. I mean, over and over and over. And then finally I was like, I.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm not gonna blow the mailman. I'm not gonna blow the mailman. I am definitely. Okay. Put the pith helmet on. So I think when you're having sex, like, when you're done having sex, you're still in a little. Like, people smoke after sex. I don't know why you need a cigarette after sex. You had this release or whatever, but. But maybe it's just a cliche, but there's that thing of I'm on a feel good roll. And some people smoke, and some people it's crack a beer. Some people, it's open a can of Dinty Moore. Go to town neighbor in my refractory period. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Dr. Drew]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunts.

[Dawson]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Bald Bryan]

The great Lou Diamond Phillips. He has a sort of unofficial website. Lou diamondphillips.co sorry.co.uk Also, the Twitter. Now. That's it. Not Lou D. Phillips.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Yeah, it's Lou D. Phillips or Loud Phillips. However you want.

[Bald Bryan]

However you want to do it.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Has anybody ever told Dawson he sounds like Charlie Sheen? I just. It just. I'm telling you, man. It just, you know, it was an epiphany. I heard the voice and, you know, I got tingles and felt like running away.

[Dawson]

No.

[Bald Bryan]

Wow. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew]

I feel like Charlie Sheen there.

[Bald Bryan]

That's the first time you got something there, man.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

You're the choice for a new generation.

[Bald Bryan]

Is Charlie Sheen super smart, super high, super insane, or like all of the above?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

All of the above.

[Bald Bryan]

Do you know him well?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

We did Young Guns together, dude.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I got a filmography that goes back 25 years.

[Bald Bryan]

I know you did that, but he could as a different guy back then.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Maybe exactly the same guy.

[Bald Bryan]

Very talented, very intense, and very, incredibly, incredibly intense.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Incredibly, incredibly smart. He would just sit there and just wax philosophic about black holes and things like that and just, you know, get kind of deep. And then, you know, I need to do a bump. You know, it just. It was just kind of who he was. And that's Never changed. He's never apologized for that. And something.

[Bald Bryan]

Who is more. Who owns their shit more, Charlie Sheen or Simon Cowell?

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I don't know Simon, but I, you know, Charlie, man, he, you know, he weighs it from the rooftops. I mean, talk about falling up, you know? I mean, he just, you know, he just can't seem to do any wrong. And it's like, yeah, I did four whores and, yeah, three, eight balls last night. And you know what? My son's gonna be proud of me.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, Lou, enough about yourself. Let's focus on Charlie Sheen for a second.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I'm so sorry.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, you want to find out where we're going to be? Easy. Go to Adam curl.com and we'll see you to BevMo. We'll see at a Hooters. We'll see us somewhere. Coming up soon, Lou Diamond Phillips will keep you all abreast of his new project that he can't talk about. When he can talk about it.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

Absolutely.

[Bald Bryan]

And look forward to Longmire coming back for season three. All right, where were we? Oh, that's it. So till next time, Adam Crow for Lou Diamond Phillips. Allison Rosen and ball Brian Sayan. Mahala Little Hall. I don't know about that.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, those adam Kroll Show 1202 with Lube Diamond Phillips. Coming for our final clip today, we have Adam Kroll Show 1203 with Vince Vaughn Foner and Robbie Coltrane along with Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. This board, fortune, just features Vince Vaughn calling in talking to his new neighbor, Adam. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Bald Bryan]

Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Karola show. Bet Online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting, Bet Online provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet Online. Bet Online. The game starts here. Good day, Allison Rose.

[Dr. Drew]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Bald Bryan]

And bald Brian. I absolutely love to suck cock.

[Allison Rosen]

Travis Langley wanted that one from a month and a half ago on Twitter. Hashtag top drop.

[Bald Bryan]

Who was that?

[Allison Rosen]

That's mankind.

[Bald Bryan]

I absolutely love this. Oh, that's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Nick Foley.

[Bald Bryan]

Nick Foley. All right, so lots of stuff to talk about. Stephen Dorff, Gabriel Iglesias coming up on the show as well. Not tonight, but later on in the week, next week. So a couple things now, you guys. I walked in here today into the shop today. I walked in past the front door.

[Allison Rosen]

Just now, earlier today.

[Bald Bryan]

Earlier today. I walked in today. Yeah. And I walked past the bathroom door, door shut, light on, fan blowing. And I said, well, somebody's dropping a deuce. And then I walked into the back area where I proceeded to lecture everyone on life, as I'm apt to do maybe once every four to seven days.

[Allison Rosen]

But the lectures last four to seven days, so they overlap sometimes.

[Bald Bryan]

Just keep ringing and ringing.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, where was I?

[Bald Bryan]

And then I started to walk out of the place, and about 45 minutes, an hour later, and as I was walking out, I noticed the door was still closed and the fan was still on.

[Dr. Drew]

Did you know where Matt was?

[Bald Bryan]

Matt was one of the guys I was lecturing about life. Boom.

[Dr. Drew]

I mean, that should have been the.

[Bald Bryan]

First tip off, right? But they're more than just the usual suspects running around here. So I realized, wait a minute, what's going on in there? And then I opened the door and there's nobody in there. And then I realized, aha. Simon, the editor who's working on the Paul Newman doc is not with the program. And then I doubled back and I yelled at everybody. Do you see the program? The program works. The program is easy. It's been taught. I don't know what the break in period was around here with the program.

[Allison Rosen]

It was basically the bathroom door.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, here is the program. And now everyone knows. Nobody has to do the sheepish, backhanded knock. Anyone in there to be followed with the excuse you. Or the walk into the stinky room or the unnecessary burning of kilowatts. It's just the program. It is. Bathroom door shut, occupied. Bathroom door open, come on in and. But nine times out of 10, the third option, as I almost always find it when I walk in, it's a jar and the fan is going. That means enter at your own risk. But bigger picture, not to sound like a broken record, we all work together and we all live to an average of 79 and a half.

[Allison Rosen]

God willing.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, for the fellas and ladies, live a little bit longer. How much of that time on this planet would you like to spend wondering if someone is in the bathroom? Or where your keys may be, or where your sunglasses may be, or you just want to install a system and once you install the system.

[Dr. Drew]

It's like, I've hit my quota for all of that, right?

[Bald Bryan]

You install a system and then you just move on and it frees up. Your brain's just a big fucking hard drive. It just frees it up for things that are probably more important than who's shitting in the bathroom right now, downloading porn. That's right. It is an easy system. It's one we've implemented. I have spent the better part of my adult life doing battle with people who did not want to join my system. My system is not my system. It's just a system. That's the first piece of news everyone needs to hear. Like everyone's like, well, I got my own thing, or I do it my own way, or I bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. It's just a system. We could use your system, but you don't have a system. I have a system. It's the one that makes sense. I only invented it because it's the easiest. It doesn't.

[Dr. Drew]

Which bathroom was it?

[Bald Bryan]

It was the number one bathroom as you walk in. And the dude's bathroom. It's also not a system where it's like, look, for every lineal foot of shit you lay, you give me $5. Like there's nothing.

[Dr. Drew]

You're not taxing the shit.

[Bald Bryan]

No, my system benefits you guys who are here quite a bit more than I'm here. It's just the system.

[Dr. Drew]

The best system should win.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, yeah, when I get into it with Lynette about her keys, I'm like, this is so you can find your keys, not so I can lord some sort of key related victory over you.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a weird.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't want to do it though. That's the whole point. The ancillary benefit you get with the system. And there's never any more discussion about keys or sunglasses.

[Dr. Drew]

You think if the system was coming out of someone else's face, it would be taken to better.

[Bald Bryan]

Maybe. Bruce Springsteen sat down, said 2, 3, 4 system. A lot of systems closing down. A lot of hard working systems. People out of work.

[Dr. Drew]

American systems.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, look, that's other part of life too, where people are like, nobody wants to be preached out of. Where are we? I don't mind. If somebody has an idea that makes sense, I will listen. And then if I have a question or objection, I will say it. And then after that it'll be implemented as everyone has here. And everybody is so down with the system here. That and by the way, the Bathroom door would have just light on, fart fan on. It would have run for hours if. But we have a system which made me suspicious and that's how things work. But it's good. It's good for air travel, it's good for bathrooms that are community bathrooms that multiple people have to use. And it's good for knowing where your keys and sunglasses are. It's weird.

[Dr. Drew]

It's actually more, it's more than a system. It's a language.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. Now the thing that's weird is why as human beings we want to push against that that so hard that that benefits us. What is that?

[Dr. Drew]

That's what makes us wonderful. Someone would say that.

[Bald Bryan]

Find those. I can bring up my buddy Ray and a few other guys I went to high school with who don't want to participate with the system. See how well it's serving them. The non system.

[Allison Rosen]

It's weird because some people latch onto. Whenever you say system I think I can't help but think like blackjack betting systems and that's like the thing like I gotta find the system. I gotta find the way to be the man, the system. And some guys glom on the systems and some guys like your buddy Ray or whoever. Rebel. I wonder what it is about people who seek them out versus Rebel.

[Bald Bryan]

Rebel.

[Dr. Drew]

I think people are stuck in the sort of teenage way of looking at life and I think they're the ones who are anti system.

[Bald Bryan]

It's a certain sort of retarded pride which is I have a broken way of going through life and you're not going to touch it, number one. Number two, I always say, how's it serving you? How's it working out? How's your apartment doing? How's your 14 year old truck working? How's that serving you? This non system? And then a lot of it is a kind of stupidity if you really think about it. I mean, you know, they always talk about the sort of social IQ versus IQ or you know, what you get on your SATs. Not rejecting this as a sort of stupidity. That may trump many other forms of stupidity. Either way, we have a bathroom system. It was installed and it works like a fucking charm. Gary Half dart.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes sir.

[Bald Bryan]

How's the system treating you? Just fine. Never have any questions. No questions, no, no confusion, no confused, zero confusion around this bathroom.

[Dr. Drew]

Have you ever had to, have you ever puckered on the job because you've needed to go and you didn't know someone was in there?

[Bald Bryan]

No, in the, in the year and a half or so it's Been in place? Yeah. Have you ever got up off that sofa, walked over to the bathroom, seen the door closed and thought, I'm not sure if somebody's in there. Absolutely not. No. Except for today when an outsider came in, an interloper came in.

[Dr. Drew]

Trespasser.

[Bald Bryan]

And screwed with our system.

[Dr. Drew]

But the system, let's kill him or her.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, yes. Into the volcano.

[Allison Rosen]

The system is designed to withstand interlopers.

[Bald Bryan]

That's right. And it's powerful and it's so consistent that everybody was on the sofa, was like, yeah, what's going on with that door? And that's when you know, who realized, do we know? It's Simon. He's a foreigner. He used to play rugby. He's a big guy and I'm told he takes world class shits. And the other thing he does is he leaves his coffee mugs with just a little spittle worth of coffee at the bottom of it on my desk or his desk, and then leaves for the night. He's not.

[Dr. Drew]

He doesn't listen.

[Bald Bryan]

Not down with the mug system.

[Allison Rosen]

He's your nemesis.

[Bald Bryan]

Or the toilet system. No, he's just everybody without a system. That's right. He's everybody. This is what the non system you will not see.

[Dr. Drew]

I never met this Simon person with the big shits and the coffee.

[Bald Bryan]

Let me explain something. There was a time when a young Matt, the porcelain punisher Fondelier, was that man with the coffee mugs and the shutting of the bathroom door after destroying it with his anus. There was a time when a young Mike Dawson was that way and a young Gary Haftard was that way with the coffee mugs. But they were indoctrinated into the system and now they're happy.

[Allison Rosen]

Damn it.

[Bald Bryan]

No. But there's no more coffee mugs laying around with a quarter inch of coffee just hardening at the bottom of it. And if there is, that's an outsider. That's someone who's come in and now must be taught the system. Get the system. Cane. You should just have a sign on.

[Dawson]

The door because when guests come in as well. I've stood in front of the bathroom for four minutes at a time wondering, and then finally, ah, fuck it, I'm opening it.

[Bald Bryan]

We can.

[Dr. Drew]

And it smells like someone different too.

[Bald Bryan]

We. But I. The system is not. We cannot. I don't know that the sign by the bathroom door, by the way. I don't know that any sign in any way. Look, I had a cup, a big plastic cup on top of my water cooler that said do not touch And I found it on the floor half full so a guy could let his dog drink out of it. So I'm not sure what the signs, the messages and those types of warning types things do. I think, by the way, I think the lawyers have fucked this up completely because we're so used to seeing labels on the back of sun visors that warn us of airbag danger and stuff like that. You realize how many warning labels and just how many labels you need to tune out in your daily existence. I mean, when you get on an airplane, you have to tune out almost everything that said you're tampering with, disabling or destroying the smoke detector in a lab is a federal aviation. It's like you just go, okay. If I listened and read and really absorbed every fucking warning and every label and every caution and every. Please do not, your fucking head would explode. It'd be like a Cialis commercial. It's a never ending cavalcade of warnings. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

If you tried to digest every sign you came in contact with.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

It's insane.

[Bald Bryan]

Good news. Vince Vaughn's on the phone. Vince, how you doing, buddy? I'm doing great. How you doing?

[Vince Vaughn]

I'm doing great.

[Bald Bryan]

I have not seen you since we had our romantic glass of wine together.

[Vince Vaughn]

That was a lot of fun. How's the house coming?

[Bald Bryan]

It's coming very nice. It's in the same neighborhood as Vince's house and I'm happy because every other house I've lived in, I've hated my neighbors and I love Vince Vaughn.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, there's still time.

[Vince Vaughn]

Well, let's. Hopefully we'll break a streak here.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. So when we spoke, I think you were heading off to Germany to work on something.

[Vince Vaughn]

That's right, I was. I just got back from Germany, filming there and now I'm back here for a little bit and then we go to Boston to finish the rest of the movie.

[Bald Bryan]

Delivery man, which I saw last night was just incredible. And I kept thinking, I wonder if this is based on something true or at least true ish story. And if not, it's going to be one day. The story is about a guy who made a lot of donations back in the mid-90s to the sperm bank and essentially has a bunch of kids who want to know who he is now, which is kind of where we're heading as a society. But I thought, is this based on something that may have happened?

[Vince Vaughn]

Yeah, it's very contemporary. You know what's funny is they just did a piece last night, I think Diane Sawyer did about a Guy who had over 100 kids. So I think it was something that the writer, director Kennedy Scott kind of took as an idea that he heard from other stories and kind of created this one. But more and more of these are kind of coming to the forefront.

[Bald Bryan]

Vince is great. It's a little bit of a dramedy. I mean, it's a comedy, but it's feel good, it's not slapstick. Vince is fantastic in it. And I thought, I wonder what it is that people like about Vince Vaughn. And then I realize I think Vince has it. Do you know what I'm talking about, Vince?

[Vince Vaughn]

I don't know what that would be, but it's.

[Bald Bryan]

It.

[Vince Vaughn]

That's what they call it, is that the. Like you said, the movie is kind of unique in that it's very funny, but it's, you know, it's smart. It also has a lot of touching stuff and dramatic stuff in it and.

[Bald Bryan]

It'S sort of unpredictable and it. Yeah, but you find yourself sort of, instead of like, with a lot of comedies, you sort of watch it going, we were just talking about this the other night. You find yourself watching it and you're going, oh, come on. Oh, come on, come on. I kept watching it and I kept finding myself going, I wonder if this is going to happen or if this did happen or it has to happen just because of the society we're living in, not to mention technology, DNA testing, the Internet. And it's a weird thing to think that this guy is essentially the dad to 500 plus kids. Movie is out on the 20th. Second, Vince, can you tell us a little about you? Because I don't know that everyone knows where you're from and how you got started and all that stuff.

[Vince Vaughn]

Well, originally I grew up outside of Chicago and I started. Once I was able to go to the city, I started to go down and take kind of improv classes and acting classes and that kind of stuff. And then right after high school, I moved out to California and it seemed like a good idea because that's where they were making movements, movies and stuff. But when I first started, I never thought, I mean, I think of a lot of the guys that I started with. We never really thought we'd make any money at it. It just was, you know, you really liked acting. There wasn't as much focus on the celebrity side of things. And you just thought, boy, if I get a part on, if I can get a scene on a TV show or a part in a movie or anything. You were thrilled.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, Vince. And I was Thinking about Rudy and then Swinger. Swinger's probably Rudy good part, but Swinger's great part. And that's when it all just sort of took off for you.

[Allison Rosen]

He took star making part when you met him a star.

[Bald Bryan]

And do a fair bit of writing, too. What do you like better? You like the acting or the writing?

[Vince Vaughn]

You know, I kind of like the storytelling process. I mean, acting is sort of where I started. I always collaborate. I think most of us in comedy, you know, always pitch ideas and do stuff. And it's very, you know, kind of collaborative. I mean, even on Wedding Crashers, Owen would come up with ideas or I would. And I think it's sort of the environment where that's sort of welcomed and the comedy's old school. Any of them. We would always kind of pitch ideas. So with comedy, there's sort of less lines, I think.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't want this to sound incredibly homoerotic, Vince, but when I realized we were neighbors, I also. I immediately just started thinking about Wedding Crashers and how much I enjoy that movie and just how funny it was and how. And it'd been too long sort of thing. And I went and rented it.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

You're a homo.

[Bald Bryan]

And watched it. And I just loved.

[Dr. Drew]

And then you rubbed one out.

[Bald Bryan]

No, I did it in advance so I could really focus on the movie. You know, I find when I'm in my refractory period, that's when I can really concentrate. Otherwise, when I would just be tumescent the entire, entire movie. And then that thing runs, you know, that thing's a couple hours. Yeah. That was just a fantastic movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I ask Vince a question about Wedding Crashers, if you don't mind? I always wondered this, and now that I actually have the chance to ask you, I noticed that on more than one occasion, there are scenes where you're holding a very large, absurdly large plate of food. Was that an inside joke? Was that your thing or whatever?

[Vince Vaughn]

That's one of the things we decided that the guys would really, you know, obviously were going to weddings to meet girls, but also that they loved the party. They loved everything about the wedding. And that's why when the guys would go, they'd kind of dance and get everyone to have a good time. And one of the things we added for my character was that he loved the food and sampling food. So there was a lot of it in Crashers when I would first show up, that I would be very interested in finding kind of the appetizers and enjoying or enjoying whatever food they were Serving.

[Allison Rosen]

You had towers of food in some scenes.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, I know. I met. I mean, I watched intently. No, one of my favorite scenes is when you're in the kitchen and you've just had it up to here and you won out. And you're screaming you went out, but you're filling your plate as you're screaming that you're getting on the first. You're dumping syrup on everything and explaining that you're getting on the first ferry out of this place. And somehow that juxtaposed to you making this pyramid of food on your plate was extremely funny to me.

[Vince Vaughn]

Yeah, I sort of take that and then I sort of turn myself. I sort of saying that I'm gonna have to look out for him. Kabi. As if, like, I'm. I'm the leader of the group and sort of start to, you know, calm. My being upset by eating, I think is sort of what it's suggesting.

[Bald Bryan]

The movie looked like it was mostly filmed right. Right in Manhattan. That, by the way, Delivery man.

[Vince Vaughn]

It was. The movie takes place in New York, and it was a great city to set the story in because obviously, when you have all the kids, my character starts getting interested in them and going around in that city. It sort of lent itself to having a bunch of different kids that would be living in different neighborhoods and into different stuff.

[Bald Bryan]

It's also. It's true. And just that whole alternative lifestyle. And I don't want to step on too much, but he starts getting interested in wanting to find these people and these kids. And then you have to realize some of them are going to have alternative lifestyles.

[Allison Rosen]

They've gone off in different directions.

[Bald Bryan]

They've gone off in exploring themselves, which is very funny. But also it's funny because he plays a guy who delivers meat for a living, and his family owns a meat company. And I just thought, it's always Chicago, it's always New York. Has there ever been a movie in Los Angeles where somebody delivered meat? Because I've just. It would look weird almost, Right.

[Dr. Drew]

Palm trees.

[Vince Vaughn]

How do you say it? I can't think of.

[Bald Bryan]

I can think of one, but, yeah, never seen it. Vince, when we had our wine, we spoke a little politics, and I know you're conservative, or I guess you're conservative. Do you count yourself as a conservative?

[Vince Vaughn]

I do, yeah. I mean, I'm very supportive of Ron Paul, but I've always been more conservative than not.

[Bald Bryan]

And is this something your parents were. I know we talked a little about your dad. Now, your dad just sort of had that heart tough work ethic and played sports and football and all that kind of stuff.

[Vince Vaughn]

Yeah, you know, it's interesting because I think my father came from a very working class background with a lot of people that leaned more on the Democratic side of things. And I think as a guy that sort of, you know, worked very hard and sort of put himself through school and stuff, he was more conservative, for sure.

[Bald Bryan]

And you're just very. I don't, I don't. Again, I always say that I'm not conservative, but I've been made conservative by the direction that the country's been going, which is I've always been pretty liberal on stuff like abortion and marijuana and stuff like that. But in terms of you pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps and getting your own shit together or feeding your own kid, I've always been all for that. Not to save me money, but because you need to feed your kid so that your kid won't resent you and that so your kid won't end up in rehab. That's just me. But I don't know if you are conservative just sort of across the board or it's just a fiscal thing.

[Vince Vaughn]

I think I'm more of a really like Ron Paul. And I think that what you come as you get older is you just get less trust in the government running anything. And that you start to realize when you really go back and you look at the Constitution and the principles of liberty, the real purpose of government is to protect the individual's right to sort of think as and pursue what they have interest in. And that when you start drawing the lines of saying, well, as a society we think this is inappropriate, we're going to pass laws to protect them from themselves or take things away to protect themselves or move money from here to there, that you realize that you'll wake up with corruption and without the unintended consequences, you'll wake up with a lot of created problems that didn't exist prior.

[Bald Bryan]

Has this caused any friction for you and some of your Hollywood friends?

[Vince Vaughn]

You know, I think most people have gotten to know me and talk to me about stuff. I think there can be sort of a bias against people who don't sort of agree with what's popular. But I think if you talk to people, you know, sort of how you present it over time, I think people, you know, kind of understand where I stand and I can disagree with people and not have it be the forefront of all conversations. But I think as time goes on, you know, it starts to get a little harder to argue Some of the principles that. But you start to see the state of some of these conditions and what's happening. I think people start losing faith. I think the point of view is to say that can you elect officials to use force in certain areas to make things go great? And I think that starts to become a harder thing to reference where that's working.

[Bald Bryan]

So you're going to be in town for a little bit and then back out east, but hopefully we can hook up and do a little barbecuing or have a cold one.

[Lou Diamond Phillips]

I'm glad to that.

[Vince Vaughn]

I can't wait to see what you've done with the place.

[Bald Bryan]

I've done wonderful things with the place.

[Vince Vaughn]

Mr. Carolla is a bit of a contractor, and I'm excited to see the changes that you made.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, he's never mentioned that.

[Bald Bryan]

I rarely bring up my ability to build. It's something I play fairly close to my vest. But. And I also always have the. I always put it out there. I will happily walk through your house and criticize whatever work was done before me by somebody else.

[Allison Rosen]

I've witnessed it.

[Bald Bryan]

This is what I'm best at.

[Vince Vaughn]

I like it.

[Bald Bryan]

One of the hardest laughs I ever got out of my wife was I said to her, I had to charge people $2,000 just to walk through their house and tell them what they need to do. And then she just laughed heartily and told me I was a piece of shit. I'm hoping your wife I've not met. I know you have a newborn and a son or daughter is a couple years old.

[Vince Vaughn]

Yeah, my daughter will be three in December, and I have a son who's almost three months.

[Bald Bryan]

And I was having this lament, Vince. And you may want to shut the door to the office so she doesn't hear you. But I was explaining that the problem in my life is my wife is incredibly nice and incredibly San. And Dr. Drew's wife is insane. And many of my other friends. Wives are nuts. The guys are really nice. So whenever I suggest, well, you know, Drew wants to go out to dinner, by the way. He's not too far away in Pasadena. I say, oh, Drew wants to go to dinner. Let's meet you and Susan, Drew. We all got to dinner. My wife's like, no, because I'm going to get trapped with Susan and she's going to talk my fucking ear off, and she's nuts. And you and Drew are going to have a good time, but I can't handle Susan. That's the way it worked. Now, Vince, I'm Praying Susan with her.

[Dr. Drew]

New show on this network.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, she knows she's nuts. I tell her she's nuts. She's aware of the way I feel about her. I'm just saying that. Vince, I have my fingers crossed that your wife is as nice and as sane as my wife. And we can all enjoy a burger together.

[Vince Vaughn]

Yeah, I look forward to that. My wife is really the best. I mean, very easy going, very fun to be around, a good sense of humor. I feel very lucky.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, you're blessed. And so is she. Delivery man is the name of the movie. It is in theaters November 22nd. And, Vince, I'll be coming over the wall drunk tonight about 3am so don't shoot me. All right, buddy?

[Vince Vaughn]

Do this thing.

[Bald Bryan]

Take care of yourself.

[Vince Vaughn]

You too. Thanks, Tom.

[Bald Bryan]

Just a good guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Sounds like it.

[Bald Bryan]

Just one of those guys.

[Allison Rosen]

When you guys share the glass of wine, is it one glass, two straws? One, One straw.

[Bald Bryan]

I did notice he did something that I've never done in my entire wine paying for wine drinking life, which is leave that.

[Allison Rosen]

Accept it slowly and enjoy it.

[Bald Bryan]

No, leave that, Leave that. Three, eight at the bottom of the glass. I turn it over and like hit it. And then try to try to warm it by candle to get a little of the vapors out of it.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a very Italian thing. I mean, when I was in Italy, I noticed that they always left a little. Whether it was food or wine, there's always a little left on the plate or in the glass.

[Bald Bryan]

I am like.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a very evolved thing.

[Bald Bryan]

First off, first off, I like it. Secondly, if you get a Russian river Pinot noir, it is 11, 14 bucks a glass. That little splash at the bottom is a buck 22 or something. It's weird.

[Dr. Drew]

And he's tipping.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. And so now what I didn't do is I didn't reach across and grab his thing as we were walking out and do the drink tray move that I normally do. But impressive. Yeah, I noted, by the way, that was one of those. Oh, he's not an alcoholic.

[Allison Rosen]

Vince. Or you.

[Bald Bryan]

Vince.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

Not me.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Bald Bryan]

How dare you?

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know what perspective you were speaking.

[Bald Bryan]

How dare you not call me now?

[Dr. Drew]

Well, the fact that you didn't down the last of his glass, but could be you justifying something to yourself.

[Bald Bryan]

That was just me wanting to make a decent first impression.

[Allison Rosen]

God forbid you get to be friends.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Then, so we did. I had this thing where I tell me if this makes me bad, but I brought a bottle of Mangria and I was going to just give it to Vincent, like, hey, little house warming, whatever. And it was in my car. And I sort of pulled up to his house. We walked over to this place to get something to drink, but I forgot I didn't pull it. He was coming down the driveway, so I sort of left it in my car. Then later on, we were walking back and he said, hey, there's a guy, he's a friend of mine who lives up the street. He's having a party. We should stop by and say hi. I said, all right, stop by, start talking to a guy. Started talking about Mangria. He's like, mangria. I used to work for a place that sold biggest whatever in the southern hemisphere and blah, blah, blah, blah. I was like, I got a bottle of Mangree in the car.

[Dr. Drew]

Anyway, I don't think that makes you sad.

[Bald Bryan]

His housewarming gift just. It was me and his trophy wife and the other dude just chugging it about an hour later.

[Dr. Drew]

Not bad. No, that's fine.

[Bald Bryan]

That's cool. All right. Vince Vaughn just. Again, really good movie. And really, really nice guy and a big dude. I mean, he. It's not just tall. I mean, he's girthy. He's. He's like six five and big. He's a big dude. Yeah. Ah, yes. All right. I got so much, so much to complain about. Enzyme Baby. Can't complain about that. Hmm. I'm gonna give you a month's worth of free erections. That's right. Comes in a pillowcase. No. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. My friends at Enzyme. It's how millions of men are dealing with erectile quality Baby supports the strongest, most powerful erections possible. Achieve peak sexual enhancement. One capsule a day for strong peak male enhancement. Dawson.

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[Bald Bryan]

Free curry.

[Dawson]

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[Bald Bryan]

Well, I may have installed a system, or at least begun a system in the city of Los Angeles today. I had a. I don't know what it was. Here's how my life sort of works. My life works this way. Matt Fondelier will say to me, hey, boss, in, well, let's say, let's, let's put to you this way. What's today? November. Beginning November. All right.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

He'll say to me, hey, on November 25th, they want you to come out to the, the lodge over here on Ventura Boulevard, the Sportsman's Lodge. And they're doing a benefit for the LAPD North Hollywood Division. They want you just to tell, you know, do a thing for like 10 minutes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I just go, what's, what's going on? Well, you have O'Reilly that afternoon, but you could go right from there just to O'Reilly if you want. And I go, what's before it? Oh, you're doing a couple of you and Dr. Drew shows, but you can do Dr. Drew and the thing. Then you can do the Sportsman thing, and then you can do O'Reilly if you want. And I go, okay, who asked this? Lapd, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, okay. And then I never think about it again. And then at some point it's like, well, tomorrow you have to do that LAPD thing. And then I go, what is that again? How does that work again? And then he says, well, it's what we talked about. Oh, no, he does the, we talked about it, but he knows I wasn't really. I didn't download any details from it. And he, then I said, how much? What do they want me to do? Just about 10 minutes. It's a banquet benefit for LA and North Hollywood PD, blah, blah, blah.

[Dr. Drew]

And you do stuff like this to be a good person?

[Bald Bryan]

Honestly, I don't know. I don't know. I do a lot of this. I do a lot of other people's shows. I do a lot of it's, it's mainly based on last Friday. I'm leaving Dana Point and I'm driving to the Glendora bevmo and somebody wants me to be on his podcast. And I'm like, well, I'm leaving. I'm leaving Dana Point at 4:30 in the afternoon. I need to be at the Glendora Bevmo at 6. So he wants to talk, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

Discussion for two hours.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Honestly. So, yeah, if he wants 45 minutes, I'll call him in. It's weird because I don't have, as I said, low self esteem. I have like no self esteem. Like the guy wants to talk to me and I'm sitting in my car in traffic. I'll talk to him. I don't, I'm flattered that he wants me to talk to him on his Podcast that I've never heard of. But I'm still flattered. I'm flattered that the person from the North Hollywood PD LAPD wants me to go up there and do some presentation. I'm sure Vince Vaughn passed on it and Robbie Coltrane passed on it, but I just never look at myself as too big a deal one way or the other. I just. They want me to do it. Can I do it, Matt? What am I doing that day? Am I in town? Yes. Am I doing something? Well, you're doing something in the morning and you're doing something in the afternoon, but you're not doing something right then. Yeah, okay. It's weird. I just don't feel like I'm that big a deal. So what's the big whoop? You know, it's not a bunch of work. I never put any time into it. I'm going to walk in, I'm going to say a few things and maybe some people will be happy, maybe it's a big deal to them. But the problem was I said, well, who else going to be there? Any celebrities or anything? No, just you and the mayor. And I said, oh, the mayor. And then I was like, oh, shit. Because when they had the mayor race, I endorsed basically Kevin James, who's a Republican. Grown ups too. Kevin James, who's gay, who I endorse, but I still make the Huffington Post list of celebrities that hate gays just because they'll just cherry pick whatever fucking shit they want and just. I don't know how well you do. I do, yeah. So it's good. But I liked Kevin James, so I liked what he had to say. So I said, that's the guy I'm voting for. And I basically said, Eric Garcetti. Oh, screw that guy. That guy, he's a legacy. His dad's Gil Garcetti. He's just. He's in the system.

[Allison Rosen]

This is like gambling for you. You back the wrong horse.

[Bald Bryan]

I backed the wrong horse. Look, I knew Kevin James wasn't gonna win. I just thought, what the fuck's my vote count? And I like the guy, like what he has to say. So I'm just gonna vote for. Even though I hate the gays. I just backed the one, the only gay guy who ever ran for Los Angeles mayor. But anyway, yeah, so then I forgot about. So I went off on this thing about Garcetti, and then I got some. I can't remember who. Maybe it's. Jimmy sent me a shitty email that. Remember a few months back I asked you for A donation. And you just went, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's another one of those things that was written up. I do. Oh, it was written up somewhere.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. That you had been at a Garcetti fundraiser and then said, but you were back in Kevin James.

[Bald Bryan]

I wasn't at a Garcetti fundraiser. I don't think it was. I was hit up. And when a friend hits me up for the AIDS ride or for the. Whatever the deal fund is, just like with the LAPD, I just go, yeah, okay, here's. Here's 500 bucks or whatever it was. It's weird because I don't even look at myself as that. I just look at it.

[Dr. Drew]

No, I don't either.

[Bald Bryan]

Thank you. I just look at it as just so and so asked for something, go ahead and give it to him. Or if, you know, if you have time in your schedule, go do this. And if you have money in the bank and it seems reasonable, go do it. And it's. Your friend asked you. I think it was Jimmy that may have brought it to my attention. So I said, yeah, fine. But I never thought about it. And then later on, I endorsed Kevin James, and then Garcetti returned the money to me, and it was kind of a little bit of a deal, which, of course, I just go through life talking and occasionally writing checks, but I don't really think about stuff or turned.

[Allison Rosen]

It in a better way or returned in like, hey, we didn't win. Here's your money back.

[Bald Bryan]

Didn't win. No, no, he did win. He did win.

[Allison Rosen]

Although I said, kevin James, give the money back. No, sorry, sorry, sorry. Misunderstood.

[Bald Bryan]

So, no, I think he did. He didn't do in a bitter way, but he's like, I guess you're gonna talk shit about me and endorse my competition.

[Dr. Drew]

I don't want your homo hating, loving money.

[Bald Bryan]

That's right. Take it back. So that was a little bit of an issue. And so then I thought, oh, all right. Well, I hope I don't have to stand next to that guy. So I said, a lot of.

[Allison Rosen]

Mayor. Is he pissed off?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, the mayor's gonna be there. And I said, all right. How's it gonna go? And he said, well, the mayor's gonna do a speech. And I'm like, yeah, praying for. And then an hour to 45 minutes later, you're gonna show up and you're gonna. And he said, mayor's gonna do his speech, and then you're gonna come up and do your speech. All right. I didn't get to those details. The Weeks earlier. So I said, all right, mayor's going to do a speech. It's not a big deal. He's going to do his thing. He's going to get the fuck out of there. And then the guy sort of hosting things, going to bring me up. As Garcetti's walking out, I'll come walking in. Mayor does his speech. It's up there in the dais. Up there, you know, the mic in the middle and the panel and the chief and everything on the right and on the left. It sort of looked like the. It looked like a roast, basically. And Garcetti gives his speech and then sits down right next to the podium right there. And I'm just standing out in the back holding my iced tea, and I go, all right, now you're going up there. And I'm like, okay, I don't know how this is going to work. So I went up. Thankfully, he's a really nice guy. He's a warm guy. And when you look into a guy's eye or shake a guy's hand, you can tell, okay, there's a human being there. That's. That's a number one. Forget about politics. I just want to know there's a human being there. The former mayor, Antonio Villaragoza. There was nothing. That was a sock stuffed with manure. There was no human being. Those were the dead eyes. Like when Robert Shaw talks about the shark and the dead eyes, the doll eyes, that was him. There's just nothing. You know, you meet people, there's like, nothing going on, but you still give him $500. Complete, complete facade. Garcetti is like, there's a human being in that suit. So I went on and I told my story, which is the time I was arrested by somebody's partner, somebody's father out here in this audience, maybe, maybe as a young man in this room by North Hollywood's finest. And it was a story, I realized, oh, this is perfect. The street that runs right behind the Sportsman Lodge, which is on Ventura Boulevard, is Valley Heart. And many years ago, when I used to ride a motorcycle and I worked at a place called Hoffman Travel on Ventura Boulevard, I had multiple warrants for. As I described, I said. I invented a word on stage, by the way. Parking tickets. Not, I think I said, arsony.

[Dr. Drew]

It's perfect. It's like larceny and arson.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. And then I said, it's like if you steal a lighter, it's arson.

[Allison Rosen]

Grand arseny.

[Bald Bryan]

So that's stealing the long ones, where you start the barbecue, you do more time for that. So I said, and it's a perfect Corolla story, because I went to my mom's house for dinner on a Sunday night, and my parents would never give me any money or anything like that. But I thought I could hit my mom and my stepdad with a sob story, which is, I have, like, $575 worth of outstanding parking tickets and things like that, and they've gone to warrant, and if I get pulled over, I'm going to get arrested, Mom. And in perfect Corolla form, she, like, paused and she went, and where's Hoffman Trellis? It's on Ventura Boulevard over there in Studio City. And she was like, 575 bucks, huh? I said, yeah, and I don't have the money. If I get pulled over again, I'm gonna get arrested. She said, you know, son, I'll tell you what, you should take Valley Heart. It runs parallel with Ventura Boulevard, and there's no cops on Valley Heart. Ventura Boulevard is full of cops, but Valley Heart just runs right along the side of it. A side street. I said, okay, that was Sunday night. Monday motherfucking morning, I pulled up to Valley Heart, and I was going down Colfax, and instead of hanging left on Ventura, I just said, well, I'm going to listen to what Mama said. And I turned down Valley Heart, and I got pulled over and arrested, and I got fired from my job.

[Dr. Drew]

How would I know that I fired you?

[Bald Bryan]

They were looking for a reason, and me calling from a tank where they hold people was probably all they needed. And I said, you know, but the cop was nice. He didn't tow the motorcycle, let me park the motorcycle, and he let me ride. He cuffed me, but let me ride in the front seat.

[Allison Rosen]

What a guy.

[Bald Bryan]

Nice guy. So my buddy Ray and Chris and Snake bailed me out eventually. And the bike was there where I thought it was. And. But I said, after that, there is one thing I want to get into, which is traffic. Big problem in this city. And it's something I talk about. And all these other states and all these other cities have the if it steers, it clears signs clearly posted all along the highway. And what we have is people just getting into minor little fender benders where you just scratch your bumper and everyone's out of the car and they're treating it like a crime scene and taking pictures. They're in the third lane and everything's backed up. Why aren't they pulled over? Because they're unaware of the fact that they should pull over at the shoulder when they get into a minor, meaning if your car runs. And as I said, I have done that goddamn Toyota celebrity grand Prix four times. And I'm telling you, you'd be surprised what a car can take. I mean, I've had guys go into my car t bone me. Bumpers dragging guys going into the tires at 70 miles an hour, then dragging their car back out on and going like five more laps with shit dragging off the car. You could move 30ft to your right and pull off the side of the freeway. I said, we need this campaign. They have it like Bozeman, Montana. Why not here? And Garcetti did what drives me insane. He was like, yeah, that's not a bad idea. And I thought, has this never come up? This has never come up.

[Allison Rosen]

You are a professional politician. You must have traveled this city, the.

[Bald Bryan]

Worst traffic in the world. And then at the end, when I was taking a couple of pictures with some of LAPD's finest, a guy in a highway patrol outfit came up to me and he said, you know, it is a law that you do need to pull off by the side of the freeway. And I was like, yeah. And I thought to myself, okay, it's on the books. Has anyone heard of it? Like, do you know how many fucking commercials I've seen for CalFresh? Do you know how many commercials I've seen basically saying, here, take some food stamps. You're entitled to food stamps. You're entitled to this, you're, take that, take this. Second hand smoke, third hand smoke. Boating safety. It's like, this has never come up. Why don't we bring it? Okay, It's a law. Good. There are many laws. We want people to be aware of these laws. Why not this? Why not the one thing that would universally benefit everybody? First off, it's a huge safety thing. You guys are huge clicketer ticket motherfuckers.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't want people walking around on the freeway.

[Bald Bryan]

I'll tell you what's more dangerous than driving with your seatbelt unfastened, standing on the fucking freeway in the third lane. So it's a traffic thing, it's a safety thing. But. But it's not one of these things where it just involves this community. It involves everybody who lives in this fucking city, Young and old, rich and poor. It would affect all of us. And again, clicking her ticket. There's a fucking chime that goes off in your car. It's impossible not to know. Why are we so fucking stupid?

[Allison Rosen]

The pull off the side of the road thing, especially there's probably a financial component, impact component to it, because productivity will certainly go up at least fractionally. But I mean, people getting to work on time, getting home sooner, you know what I mean? Like, more efficient deliveries, all that stuff.

[Bald Bryan]

So I've spoken to the lieutenant governor of the state that has the worst traffic in the world, and now I've talked to the mayor of the city that has the most traffic in the world. This were brand new ideas to both of them who've been here and been in politics and traveled these highways and byways for the last 35 years. I. But this was a brand new idea to them, both of them. I'm sure it will never be implemented. Are we as stupid as I think we are or do we just not give a fuck? Like, do you really think Gavin Newsom gives a fuck?

[Dr. Drew]

No.

[Bald Bryan]

No. So I think it's a combo of stupid, but I also think it's a healthy dose of I don't give a fuck.

[Allison Rosen]

Which is crazy because the first thing. I think I said this before. The first thing any politician should do when they take office, a governor or a mayor or someone do small changes that don't cost a lot, that everyone notices, right? So if you put up those signs, everyone notice them. Everyone. Wow. New mayor's kicking ass. New mayor's really taking charge. The buzzer. Try and improve. That's so easy.

[Bald Bryan]

It's.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a pennies to the dollar.

[Bald Bryan]

Even if you don't want to put the fucking signs up. Take every one of your fucking. For cocked up. Click it. Or ticket PSAs, which is insane because every human being who lives here is aware that there's a seatbelt law and it's built into every car, so it's completely unnecessary. And put this up on the fucking jumbotron we've paid millions for on the big freeway signs that we pass under every day. How about just put it up there? You don't have to even get a hard sign and dig a hole. Just this could be done with a keyboard instead of clicking or ticket or buzz. Driving is drunk driving. I think we're all aware that drunk driving is illegal and that you must wear a seatbelt. Put this up there. It's free. It's fucking free. Will it be done? No, it shall not be done. Why? Because they don't give a fuck. They don't. They love safety. They love things that sound together, you know, they love. They love things that rhyme. That's about it. Are they really interested in the biggest problem this city really faces? Like, if you really go, what's the biggest problem this city faces? Well, education, crime. Okay, but there's educate. Washington D.C. has Chicago. They have problems with education. They have problems with crime. They have Detroit everywhere. Everyone has. This city's biggest unique problem is the fact that it took me three fucking hours to get from Dana Point back to Los Angeles the other week. And it took me two hours to get back from Santa Ana. And this is millions and billions and trillions and kajillions of dollars loss and productivity, not to mention general depression, just sitting on the fucking ugliest stretch of highway in the world going 2.7 miles an hour for the last 14 miles. Wildly soul crushing. Do they give a fuck? Answer. No, they just don't. If they did, they would put something on those signs that had something to do with anything. Clicking or ticket means nothing in terms of moving people along. And the report drunk driving means nothing as well. It does. It is a safety issue, but it's something that everyone is. It's burned into everyone's psyche. We need no more. We need no more heads up or tips on the drunk driving and the ills of drunk driving. All right, Go to meeting, Baby. Getting your team in the same room can be impossible. I'd like to get them all together, talk to them about this. If it steers, it clears. And not only that, 30. There's 30 foot.

[Allison Rosen]

This is one way to alleviate traffic. I didn't invent. Go to meeting.

[Bald Bryan]

I didn't invent this. There's a million cities that have this. Just not us. Just not the one who needs it. All right? And it's all news to everyone. Go to meeting with HD faces brought to you by Citrus. Start hosting meetings in seconds from your own computer or your mobile device. Baby, Sign up for 30 days free. Get a free trial. No credit card required. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the Try it free button. Use the promo code. Adam. You can win an Apple gift certificate. No gift certificate. It's a gift card. Really. It's a card. It's 300 bucks worth of cool Apple gift stuff. And what you do is you tweet us a picture where you'd like to host your ideal go to meeting. And if you want to be eligible, you just hit the hashtag winace and include otomeeting. It's going to end November 17th, so let's get going. Dawson.

[Dawson]

Apple is a registered trademark of Apple Incorporated. Apple is not a participant or sponsor of this promotion.

[Bald Bryan]

That's it. Short and sweet. Robbie Coltrane is out there. We'll bring him in a second. Real quick. Let's say hi to Josh. Josh. Hey. Got a question.

[Caller]

Yeah. I want to know, Adam, if you would agree with me that the fact that rich, young, incognito left, then word.

[Bald Bryan]

On voicemail proves that he's not a racist, because an actual racist would play.

[Caller]

That a little closer to the chest.

[Bald Bryan]

I try to make that argument for myself all the time. Doesn't work that well. That's why I called you. I do think when people feel a certain way in their heart, they're usually trying not to let other people find out so much about it. I always say to people, you know, how you know I'm not an asshole? I act like an asshole.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow. Diabolical.

[Bald Bryan]

Mm. Mm.

[Dr. Drew]

Murder. It doesn't work with.

[Bald Bryan]

No, but, yeah, that's true. It's like, it's my Rosie O'Donnell thing. I remember when she used to come out and doing her cutie patootie Chubb Club business and all that kind of stuff and all that. I'm so in love with Tom Cruise and blah, blah, blah. And I worked with her executive producer, and she's like. She fires five people every day. She's the worst person I've ever met in my life. And that's like, why am I seeing nothing but jelly beans and sunshine whenever she's out there? Ellen loves dancing, but I was at a wedding, she was there, and she didn't dance.

[Allison Rosen]

Huh.

[Dr. Drew]

Maybe I should change the name of my show.

[Bald Bryan]

Interesting that someone who's just in love with dancing did not dance at a wedding. It's interesting. Yeah. So I find that sometimes people are that way. Sometimes they overcompensate. I don't know what Richie is. I do know that that word is tossed around quite liberally in the clubhouse. You know, it's one of these things where it's like, people go, well, do you condone that? I'm like, I don't. Whatever you want to do in your clubhouse with your people, if that's what they want to do, then that's their business. It's not my business to tell you. Look, whatever you've decided to do, if you're into a little rough trade with your old lady in the bedroom, you like to tie her up a little and get a little nasty and spank her and tell her she's been naughty and call her a bitch. Oh, my God, it's exciting. That's kind of your business. I would go, that's disrespectful. I don't think I would do it. But if you're both on board as consenting adults, I'm fine with it. And if you want to talk that way in your clubhouse or your locker room, I'm fine with that as well. The thing I was noticing that was interesting, I was telling Dr. Drew about this today. Bullying. Somebody brought up bullying about four years ago and now it never ends. I like, did we start bullying 1000% more than we were in 2008 and 2009 or is it just everyone uses it and attaches it to everything?

[Allison Rosen]

Is it cause celeb?

[Bald Bryan]

And I was going over all the shit my friends did to me, literally beating the shit out of me. I was yelling about it and yeah, Ray shit my rams beanie, handed it back to me and he stuck a flaming marshmallow inside of my face.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait. Some days I've not heard Ray and Chris drag Adam nude towards high school campus. Towards school campus. That's a new one.

[Bald Bryan]

After school, when everyone had let out, I was completely naked and these two 220 pound brutes physically assaulted me, tried to drag me.

[Allison Rosen]

If I heard John and Shen invite Adam over, then shoot with BB guns from the roof.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. They'd say, yeah, come on over. I'd come over and they'd shoot me at the BB gun. But you want to know the interesting thing?

[Dr. Drew]

That you stayed friends with them?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. I never thought I was ever bullied. I had guys who were construction foreman who would call me an idiot, who would tell me, you know, go to my truck and get the level and I'd say, all right, I'd start walking in the truck and the guy just go, run. And I'd start running to his truck because I was a little man on the tomball, grab his level and I'd run back and hand it to him and he'd go, this time next week you're going to quit because you're going to hate it so much here you're going to quit. I got shit all the time. But you know what's weird? I never thought I was being bullied at any time by anybody, no matter what was going on. I just thought, well, that guy's a dick or I'm going to get that guy back.

[Dr. Drew]

But you said you have no self esteem though. In retrospect, what do you think that was like? If you had been someone who had a little more self esteem, do you think that you would have taken that differently?

[Bald Bryan]

I really don't know. All I know is if Ray hit Me in the ear during school hours with a big lump of shit. I had to figure out a way to repay Ray at some point for the shit that was stuffed in my ear. That's how it worked. But I never looked at myself as a victim. I had guys jump on me, hit me with a baseball bat. My plan was to find the guy who hit me with the baseball bat and then hit him. That was my plan. I never thought, I'm going to call the cops or I'm going to sue you. I'm going to do anything. I never even looked at myself as a victim or bullied. I just thought, he hit me with a bat. I'm going to go find him.

[Dr. Drew]

I think most victims of what we normally consider bullying don't feel like they could get recourse because it would just become much worse for them.

[Bald Bryan]

I think there's definitely that element, and I've been on that side of it as well. I mean, I've had people do things where I was like, oh, man, that guy's scary. In which case, I wouldn't go find him and go try to find the guy of the bat. I mean, I've dealt with scary dudes before, but at no point did I ever feel like I was being bullied. I just thought you kind of know.

[Allison Rosen]

The difference difference too, internally, you know that.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, as I told Drew, it is a it takes two to bully tango. Like, you have to feel bullied in order to be bullied in a certain way. You can be. I was bullied. I just never felt bullied. Thus, I wasn't bullied in this weird. In this weird way. I just, you know, there was physical stuff, there was verbal stuff, but it was just sort of like, all right, well, that guy's an asshole. Or, you know, I knew my construction form and Mike was an asshole. That's all. Is that me? All right. Either way, you can anything on the list jump out at you there?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, quite a few.

[Bald Bryan]

I forgot.

[Allison Rosen]

You threw a mug of Ray's piss into Ray's own face and nearly blinded him.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, because I threw it as hard as I could.

[Allison Rosen]

The mug, too, or the piss?

[Bald Bryan]

I did the move where I was holding. No, just the piss. But I was holding it. And I did the snap. The snap move where I snapped it. And he was holding his eyes. He had his hands cupped. He was trying to look through a grill trying to see me. It was dark where I was sitting on. I just snapped it in his face and almost tore his Retinoff. I forgot that my neighbor Eddie, while I was sitting on his handlebars of his bicycle, and back when people used to ride this way, minus before helmets and everything, he sit on the handlebars riding. He ghost rid the bike. So while I was on the handlebars, he got going and he just went, see you later. And he jumped off and he just let me go sort of sailing along. Didn't have any problem with him doing that.

[Dr. Drew]

See, versus for me in seventh grade, for about three or four months, I went from being not popular, but I definitely had a group of friends to like, overnight, I was a social pariah. And where I'd usually go sit down to eat lunch with my little friends, they weren't there. There was no. There was a different girl sitting in my seat. And then at recess when I go to find them, they weren't there. And like, I. I was just shunned. And it. I mean, I went home from school every day crying. It shattered me. And the weird thing is that I always. That was like the secret shame for a long time. And then the more I talk to people, the more everyone, especially girls, have a similar story. Like, I think that happens to almost everyone. But it. I definitely felt. I mean, victim. I mean, it just. I couldn't bounce back for a while. Like, it was awful.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Again, I just. I didn't have nerve endings enough to know if I was being bullied or not being bullied. I just assume that's the way it went. I mean, I assume that you had foreman asshole bosses and they yelled at you or they called you stupid or your friends beat you up or played jokes on your shit in your rams beanie. I just thought that's how it worked. It is how it works. And look, I'm not condoning bullying. I'm just saying if you don't ever feel like you're really being bullied, you're going to get a lot less bullying in your life.

[Dr. Drew]

Yeah. I mean, hearing your story, it's like, I wish I'd had some of that in me. I wish I was just like, this is fun. More me time.

[Bald Bryan]

It doesn't hurt. Yeah. And I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but I'm saying there are ways to not internalize it. Like, you're being bullied because there's an asshole who you go to school with or an asshole you work with or an asshole you're sitting next to on.

[Dr. Drew]

A bus when you super young because your world is so small you can't see outside of it.

[Bald Bryan]

I guess that's it, but please, do not be a bully. Sponge. Be a nice piece of anodized aluminum. Be a mug of piss. I'm gonna throw it in my buddy Ray's face. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Vince and Adam's bromance may have been momentary, but it was indeed legendary. That does it for today's Corolla classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for the part two and some new clips as well. Hope you guys enjoy. Until next time.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm out. And get it on.