Where Was Ari Shaffir on January 6th? + Spencer Pratt CLOWNS Karen Bass In LA Mayoral Debate

Summary

Adam Carolla Show — Episode Summary

Episode: Where Was Ari Shaffir on January 6th? + Spencer Pratt CLOWNS Karen Bass In LA Mayoral Debate
Date: May 11, 2026
Guests: Ari Shaffir, Rudy Pavic
Host: Adam Carolla

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian Ari Shaffir in-studio for a candid discussion about digital detox, adventure travel, stand-up comedy, and the pitfalls of safety culture in modern society. The back half pivots to a humorous and critical breakdown of the recent LA Mayoral debate, focusing on reality star Spencer Pratt’s unexpectedly competent performance against career politicians. The episode is filled with stories of practical jokes, observations on contemporary risk-aversion, and sharp, unsparing commentary on Los Angeles’s political circus.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ari Shaffir on Digital Detox and Adventure (02:37–22:41)

• Adam and Ari bond over the value of unplugging from the world, with Ari describing his recent eight-month trip through Latin America, largely disconnected from news and social media:
  • "I was gone. I was in the jungle in Ecuador on a hammock." (Ari, 07:35)
  • Ari emphasizes how this absence allowed him to skip major emotional events (“January 6th? I was in the jungle.”), and disconnect from collective outrage.
• Adam and Ari discuss how hobbies and manual skills provide an anchor and contrast to the angry energy of online discourse.
  • Adam quips, "People used to build ships in bottles. They'd go, 'I can't protest, I can't fight ICE. I'm finishing my ship.'" (03:43)
• The challenge of stepping away from the “hamster wheel” of show business, with Adam relating the fear of irrelevance in the entertainment industry.

Notable Quote

"Show business. I was thinking American, but it's… you’re like, I'll be irrelevant if I'm not in their eye. That's why you get like Brad Pitts going, what's my next movie?"
— Ari (05:44)

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2. Breaking Down Safety Culture & Risk Aversion (11:06–16:26, 57:01–62:27)

• Both comedians riff on how society’s fear of emergencies leads to compulsive phone attachment and “safety-first” living.
  • Adam lampoons those who can’t turn off their phone at night out of imagined importance: "Well, what if there's an emergency? Well, first off, I'm not a trauma surgeon. What skill do I possess? You know what I mean?" (08:20)
• Stories about travel highlight that, in most places, risk is relative and can be assessed rationally, not from a place of fear.
  • “Assess your environment... A lot of people just have one setting, which is like fear setting.” (Adam, 13:25)
• Later, they tie safety obsession to COVID responses and the downside of “better safe than sorry,” lampooning the lost spirit of adventure and risk-taking—especially among younger generations.

Notable Quotes

“Safety kills.”
— Ari (58:06)

"The worst thing you can do in a society is raise a bunch of dudes who are pussies. And we got a bunch of pussy dudes now. And it is bad fucking times."
— Adam (61:01)

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3. Ari's Travel Stories and Stand-Up Writing (15:15–22:41)

• Ari shares details of his journeys in Latin America and elsewhere, discussing hostels, day-to-day routines, and the oddities of being a tall, white traveler in short countries like Guatemala and non-touristy areas.
• The difference in personal safety and judgment when abroad (“…here it's like, oh, black people, okay. But there it's like not as easy.” — Ari, 15:52 [note: dark humor and context])
• Adam asks whether Ari uses travel to write or gather material; Ari admits to jotting down occasional notes but mostly lets his mind go fallow.

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4. “The End Is” Storytelling Show, Stand-up Networks, and Creative Control (22:41–32:00)

• Ari plugs his new storytelling show, featuring top comedians like Shane Gillis, Nate Bargatze, Ms. Pat, Roy Wood Jr., and more.
• Discusses community among comics and how mutual respect and favors drive guest appearances.
  • "We had four people take private jets to come do it." — Ari (22:54)
• The benefit of self-producing rather than relying on TV networks: more profit sharing, creative freedom, and escaping network interventions (“the product suffers”)—with both men trashing the committee-based approach to art.
  • “Any artist has to be on his own doing his art, and then the chips will fall where they may.” — Adam (29:19)

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5. Comedy War Stories: Kimmel’s Epic Practical Jokes (39:18–52:33)

• Extended riff on Jimmy Kimmel’s legendary, long-con pranks—convincing Adam he was being stalked by a Dixie Chick, terrorizing a co-worker with black-voiced phone threats, and manipulating Comedy Store roasts.
• They analyze the psychology and logistics of good pranksterism versus low-quality gags.
  • "Jimmy's grift with the Mark Davis probably is long... It was a month." (Adam, 48:19)
  • “Any prank I’m thinking of now is so short form compared to this, it’s crazy.” (Ari, 48:09)
• Discussion of the cult-film ‘Windy City Heat’ and their roles in it, with clips and laughter over old inside bits.

Memorable Moment

[40:00] Ari on Peter Chen roast:

"Kim was on there...called Peter Chen a snake... Peter gets up and goes: 'Jimmy Kimmel, you call me Snake. You are a man who is a snake.' And then Kimmel smashes a beer bottle and runs at him like, you motherfucker!... It's so fucking funny."

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6. LA Mayoral Debate: Spencer Pratt vs. Karen Bass (77:23–91:33)

[A segment with Rudy Pavic; Spencer Pratt audio, Adam’s debate commentary]

• Adam and Rudy break down the LA Mayoral debate, where reality TV star Spencer Pratt shockingly outmaneuvers incumbent Karen Bass and Councilmember Nithya Raman.
  • Adam skewers the performative nature of debate moderation and the pandering to ethnic voting blocs (“Let the white person ask them what they're gonna do with the Mexicans.” — Adam, 78:51)
• Adam calls out Bass and Raman’s inability to answer clearly on the question of non-citizen voting, suggesting they’re stuck kowtowing to radical progressives.
  • “You can't answer the question because Democrats have...they painted themselves into a corner, which is all of their thoughts are radical. And nobody wants them.” (81:51)
• Commentary on LA’s homelessness disaster, political obfuscation, and the appeal of a plain-speaking, anti-establishment outsider.
  • “These two are such comic, abject failures that it's really shooting fish in a barrel.” (Adam, 87:35)

Notable Quote

"Inside safe makes all of us outside unsafe. The reality is, no matter how many beds you give these people, they are on super meth, they are on fentanyl."
— Spencer Pratt (85:31)

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7. Modern Politics, Culture Wars & Media Personalities (91:33–98:43)

• Adam reacts to Mark Hamill’s anti-Trump tweet and Obama library promo (“Hope a new home has…”), mocking both the legacy media’s panic and liberal sanctimony.
  • "It's weird. It's sort of kind of weird when people get old and turn weirdly douchey and stuff." — Adam (91:47)
• Discussion cycles back to LA’s dire straits, the failures of progressive governance, and what the "other end of the spectrum" (i.e., MAGA) could accomplish in contrast.

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8. News & Miscellaneous Stories (98:47–end)

• Firefighter story: News on a New York firefighter fired and charged for hosing a cat out of a tree. Adam uses it to mock over-litigiousness and animal sentimentality.
  • "Who cares about dead cats? Number one, like, we gotta get the fuck over this. Number one with the pets." — Adam (100:08)
• Talk spirals into firefighter war stories, societal squeamishness, generational differences, and more giggling over the absurdities of modern culture.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------|------------| | Ari on digital detox & Latin America | 02:37–11:14| | Safety obsession & unplugging | 07:47–14:26| | Stand-up/creative life balance | 22:41–32:00| | Kimmel practical joke stories | 39:18–52:33| | LA Mayoral debate analysis | 77:23–91:33| | Political culture/Mark Hamill/Obama | 91:33–98:43| | Firefighter/cat news, modern risk aversion | 98:47–104:34| | Closing & tour plugs | 104:34–end |

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Memorable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [08:20]: "Well, what if there's an emergency? Well, first off, I'm not a trauma surgeon. What are you gonna do?"
• Ari Shaffir [58:06]: "Safety kills."
• Adam Carolla [61:01]: "The worst thing you can do in a society is raise a bunch of dudes who are pussies."
• Spencer Pratt (Debate) [85:31]: "Inside safe makes all of us outside unsafe."
• Adam Carolla [87:35]: "These two are such comic, abject failures that it's really shooting fish in a barrel."
• Ari Shaffir [48:09]: "Any prank I’m thinking of now is so short form compared to this, it’s crazy."
• Adam Carolla [13:25]: “Assess your environment... A lot of people just have one setting, which is like fear setting.”

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Flow & Tone

The episode is classic Adam Carolla: a mix of comedic storytelling, sharp cultural analysis, irreverence, and plenty of banter among comics. Ari Shaffir’s dry, adventurous vibe is a perfect foil for Adam’s cantankerous wisdom. Occasionally edgy, always direct, and unafraid to lampoon sacred cows—be they politicians, news tropes, or generational norms. Listeners get both laughs and insights into media, risk, and why sometimes it pays to unplug.

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For fans of: irreverent humor, stand-up inside baseball, political snark, and long-form showbiz war stories.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, Ari Shafir comes and joins me. Very funny. Also the news with Rudy Pavic. And we'll do all that right after this. This is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. If you care about predictions, you care about props. And right now, it's all about playoff pressure. From the hardwood to the ice. Every possession, every shift, every shot. Well, it all matters. Bet online has always been the home of real sports betting. Deep markets, sharp odds and player props built for fans who know these games aren't random. The NBA playoffs are heating up, stars taking over, series swinging on a single score. And in the NHL, it's all speed, grit and sudden death. Moments where one goal changes everything. Life lines tighten, pressure builds and betonline delivers live betting and in game odds that move with every bucket, every breakaway, every goal. This is where the action happens, where experienced shows and where the smallest edge makes the biggest difference. Bet online. The game starts here.

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[Show Announcer]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Ari Shafir. Plus the news with Rudy Pavich. And now Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on, man. Ari Shafir in studio. Good to see you my friend.

[Ari Shafir]

Love jumping into a pod right after, right after a nice rant.

[Adam Carolla]

Always ranting on and off the air. What's Adam really like?

[Ari Shafir]

Well, pretty much the same, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty much the same. The end is the storytelling show that is available to stream right now on YMH now. And tell us about how this all got started.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah, you could go arishafir.com, it's easier to remember but. Well, I had another storytelling show. This is not happening. I kind of think you've done it before probably. Yeah. It was in la.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably done everything eventually.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I had to think. You've had so many stories. Have you ever done a carpentry episode?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, let's do a carpentry episode. I'll tell you, man, people need a hobby. This part of the reason, everyone. I'll get every nutty person on the street who's out there protesting and like fighting with ice and screaming about Trump and doing no hobbies. No hobbies. Ships and bottles. People used to build ships and bottles.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They'd go, I can't protest, I can't fight ice. I'm finishing my ship.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, I just got. I was gone from the country for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, where were you?

[Ari Shafir]

It was Latin America.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me about it.

[Ari Shafir]

Eight months gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Eight months?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I wasn't looking at any news too. I didn't have my phone with me. I got a new burner phone when I got down there, so I wasn't keeping up.

[Adam Carolla]

Are these experiences for you, a quest for adventure or sanity?

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, Mel, it's interesting. Yeah. Maybe both. Yeah. The sanity, the going there is for the adventure and then not bringing my phone or my email, that's for sanity.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Ari Shafir]

So it's like two at once.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you are compelled to seek these kind of adventures.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That we're all envious of, by the way. Thanks. Because everyone, everyone would like that. Freedom.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah. Everyone has it in our industry. They just don't take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, there's a few. Okay. There's a. There's a few things. You know, you don't have kids and alimony and all that kind of stuff, so that, that, that sort of forces a schedule on you, unfortunately.

[Ari Shafir]

Hey, you're not getting paid this month because I'm not getting paid.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

You're getting half of nothing this month.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be nice, but. But no. So you, you feel compelled to stay on the. In the hamster wheel, so to speak. You can't take eight months off.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but your Corolla's paid off.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no. And listen, anybody can rearrange things and pull it off. I could too. But the problem is, in business, in show business, you feel like there's some sort of irrelevancy you're gonna slip into. And so you're essentially a speeding train and you have to throw track out ahead of you all the time. And going out for eight months is not you throwing track out ahead of you.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, it's crazy. You're right. Show business. I was thinking American, but it's. It's it's. It's a. It's show business. Where you're like, I'll be irrelevant if I'm not in their eye. That's why you get like Brad Pitts going, what's my next movie? Waller on a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, I gotta keep going. It's so fucking weird.

[Adam Carolla]

But, you know, it. I guess it kind of depends what floats your boat. Like, for me, I don't look at this as work.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, well, there's that too.

[Adam Carolla]

Certainly talking to you. And I really enjoy it. Like, something I would do, you know, Like I would.

[Ari Shafir]

If you stand up, you're like, if there's a free. If you're at a restaurant and there's like, hey, there's an open mic in the back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

I'd be like, oh, well, how long till the hors d' oeuvres come?

[Adam Carolla]

Let me jump up. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. You're not getting paid. You're doing it because you want to do it. I do question those. Whether you're a musician or a standup or an artist who always want to know what the pay is because that means you're not really that into it.

[Ari Shafir]

Little sellout.

[Adam Carolla]

Y. I had a struggling musician say to me once, he was struggling, but the reason he was struggling is because he wasn't that into it. And I go, look, go out and play, hit open mics. Just volunteer. Show up at the cafe and see if you can pull, play a few songs. And Bubba, I said, I go out, I do sets all the time. I don't get paid. And he goes, well, you can afford it. You're rich. For what?

[Ari Shafir]

It's not like giving up work to go play, right? You're just going to play Xbox.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how they look at everything. So tell me about your eight month journey.

[Ari Shafir]

So the not being connected was great because I'm just like all the anger and shit. Last time when January, there was some stuff that went down January 6th of some year 2020, I was gone. I was in the jungle in Ecuador on a hammock.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And I remember Rogan and Burt and Segura all texting and I wasn't aware. I wasn't aware. So all the emotion that went into that. Skip that.

[Adam Carolla]

People need to understand that it's a kind of if the tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, did it ever fall kind of thing. You know, I shut my phone off, I don't put it on airplane mode. And I'M not saying I'm doing what you do, but when I go to bed at night, the phone is completely shut off. And then people go, well, what if there's an emergency? Well, first off, I'm not a trauma surgeon. What are you gonna do?

[Ari Shafir]

What the fuck are you gonna do?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what if something with your kids, Well, I would imagine they're in a hospital somewhere being looked after. What skill do I possess? You know what I mean?

[Ari Shafir]

There's so few percentage of emergencies where you would need to be present or on your own.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's really break it down. Like what? Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

Blood transfusion with only your blood.

[Spencer Pratt]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, the phone rings and some. One of your kids goes, somebody broke the window downstairs in the kitchen. Well, let's hang up with me and call the cops.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. What?

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing. I'm saying. You're right. Let's break it down. What? Really? Okay, somebody died.

[Ari Shafir]

Somebody died.

[Adam Carolla]

But that can wait.

[Ari Shafir]

Can wait. You can mourn later. Definitely the next day.

[Adam Carolla]

We're talking about the phone ringing at 4:00am versus you getting up at 8:30. It's not that big a window.

[Ari Shafir]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Ari Shafir]

It would have to be. He's dying, come say goodbye.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Ari Shafir]

And it's so tiny.

[Adam Carolla]

That's such a tiny window. And I didn't have people I like that much. That's only like four or five people.

[Ari Shafir]

You'd be like, I mean, I would have, but my phone was over.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah,

[Ari Shafir]

breaks.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you make your arrangements when you're in the jungle, in a hammock? Like, how do you find that place?

[Ari Shafir]

You. Word of mouth. Once you're down there, someone else says they came from a place and it was really cool. And you're like, okay, that sounds cool.

[Adam Carolla]

And then what would a day be like at a place like that? In the middle of a long stay at that place?

[Ari Shafir]

Let's say. Yeah, this is in. In Via Cabamba. Real green zone. People lived. It was pretty interesting. People lived like way long, like 115, 120 years. They couldn't figure it out. They thought it was the climate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's the green zone.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I thought sort of the blue zone.

[Ari Shafir]

Blue zone, that's what it is. What's the green zone?

[Adam Carolla]

That's you being high and forgetting the zone color. And that's why you can't remember the blue zone. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

But they couldn't figure out how people live to 115, 120.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And then some student was down there and he was talking to all of them for like months, you know? And then he figured it out. He goes, oh, they're lying.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Ari Shafir]

He goes, this lady just aged five years since the last year.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Ari Shafir]

But anyway, I'm down there, a couple hikes, good coffee if you wanted to go get cough. And then just like sitting on a hammock. And then they were all texting me like, I had my dog on my lap on a hammock. And like, can you believe all this? And I already knew what they were referring to.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

And then I just took a picture of like this jungle with the hammock with me smoking a cigar.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

And Rogan's like, oh, yeah, you win. Yeah, I don't know. So now when I hear about it, there's no emotion in it. There's just like some detail. Just like the Civil War.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like almost from a bygone era. Black and white photos.

[Ari Shafir]

I was in a cabin on October 7th. Same thing. I can't believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can. Yeah, people, you can do it, but you have to kind of now choose to do it.

[Ari Shafir]

It's crazy. You shutting your phone off at night is an act of rebellion.

[Adam Carolla]

You think people think that? Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

They're like, well, I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay. Okay. A lot of it is narcissistic. A lot of it is narcissism. You go, I can't afford. I can't shut my phone. Meaning you're an important person. Someone's gonna need you to do something.

[Ari Shafir]

What are you running, Google?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you how people should play life. Work a percentage game, like you said. Let's flip the script. My phone rings. How many emergencies could I actually be involved in and what would my role be? And it's almost zero. And you look at it that way. But I'll give you another example. I'll give you two other examples. I was at a very. The difference between you and I, I was at a very high end country club resort thing in Phoenix because I was doing a bunch of shows at the Desert Ridge Improv last weekend, or I should say the other weekend. Yeah. And I went down to use the very lovely facilities, the spa with the cold plunge and the sauna and the whole nine yards. Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Dump around rich people.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I am almost retarded when it comes to things like programming the locker code. I will essentially just lock my shit in the locker because the thing. So it's like, shut the locker, hit pound star, then four keys and already I've already fucked it up.

[Ari Shafir]

It's either open or it's closed forever.

[Adam Carolla]

I tried to even use one of those automated parking meters the other day in Long beach and I couldn't fucking figure it out. So I'm really bad. So you know what I do every time? I never lock it, I leave it open.

[Ari Shafir]

What? Country club.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in here. I got my phone, I got my earbuds. I don't care. Because it's just a bunch of well heeled white people walking around. Nobody in this place is stealing us. And yesterday I went down to PCH to go look on a job site right in the middle of Malibu. And I just left my car keys in my car. Because who's stealing it in the middle of the day in Malibu? Now a lot of people just have one setting, which is like fear setting. Like hide the keys, lock the locker. But assess your environment.

[Ari Shafir]

Assess your environment. Like not here, right? It's like, well, Chicago is the murder capital of the world, but not parts, not where all the Jews live.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

It's like it ain't that.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Ari Shafir]

Yes. Yeah, exactly. Roll with the punches. Change it a little bit. And also like, you get caught up in the stories of everything. This is happening all the time. Like not percentage based. The people in New York are like, none of us are really worried about people getting pushed on the subway. It went from nothing to pretty much nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a lot of people that are here in California that are like transplants are worried about an earthquake. And I tell them there's nothing that's going to happen to you in an earthquake. And you literally have to be on the line. I used to do it on the fault line. No, I used to do earthquake rehab work. And I know exactly how. If you're just in your home in North Hollywood, there's nothing that's ever going to happen to you because that house will never fall down.

[Ari Shafir]

Glasses might fall.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

If a glass is on right on the corner, it might fall.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

But it had to be right on the corner.

[Adam Carolla]

So what is a normal day for you at one of these, in one of these environments?

[Ari Shafir]

Okay, so you've taken. Good question. So you've taken out any like, work?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay, so once a month or so I would call into ymh, they run my podcast, my travel podcast, and I'd be like, let's do all the ads for the month and all the bumpers. So then if you like you were on an episode that I banked from fucking nine months before, I'd be Like, oh, Adam Caroll is performing at the Sun Drop arena, whatever, this month. And, and then here gets this kind of underwear, right? That's once a month. Besides that, there's no catching up with anybody. I don't have any of my contacts, right. My phone or my emails. So it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's what's, that's what you're not doing. What are you doing?

[Ari Shafir]

So it's wake up. So it freeze, wake up and go, what am I going to do today? A lot of times just if it's a city that I'm in, it's walk around a city like Oaxaca or Medellin or something like that. I'm like, this is a cool metropolitan town I want to explore.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Museums, street food, just walk. You know, if I found weed, then it's like get high and then just kind of walk around and look at people and just kind of take it in.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there, is there safety issues in any. There are certain places.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but same as, same as here.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Ari Shafir]

Same as here. It's, it's a little harder because I know where to go and what to look for here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

You know, here it's like, oh, black people, okay. But there it's like not as easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah, it's easier.

[Ari Shafir]

Joking.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I get it.

[Ari Shafir]

But like, you know what's true? You know where LA gets bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And where it doesn't. You can tell in all those places. I don't know the key, the keynotes to say this just got bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

So it's a little more dangerous, but not really. And then you kind of ask around.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. Right.

[Ari Shafir]

As soon as you check into a hostel you're like, is this safe at night? And they'll be like, oh yeah. Or they're like, yeah, you want to get back? Sure. Early night's okay. But you don't want to be alone at midnight. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. You want to get back in.

[Ari Shafir]

Uber's also cost nothing down there.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, like to the point where I felt bad for them. I'm like a 40 minute and it's $3. Like you can't even pay for gas for this. Dude.

[Adam Carolla]

There is the weird. There is a weird side effect of Uber, which is like feeling empathy for the Uber driver. Me and Mike August were, I swear to God, I can't remember. We were in like Kansas City or something once and we needed a ride to the airport and it was at like 4:45 in the morning and some poor fat put upon white woman, clearly with six kids you know, and a alcoholic husband or whatever picked us up from the hotel, drove us to the airport. It was $9. And I was like, oh, God.

[Ari Shafir]

But she's like, the beat's getting beat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. I'm on the road. I'm not being beat by my alcoholic husband. So Ubers are just that cheap.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. So if anything's dangerous, like, just Uber around it.

[Adam Carolla]

Uber around it. How much riding do you do in a situation? Go ahead, I'll fill a bust here. Sorry, the matcha tea went down the wrong pipe.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, the.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll preload you with a question. Are you carrying around a pad, a paper? Are you going, oh, this is kind of funny here? That would be cool. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

This one.

[Adam Carolla]

What should I do? Are you always still a comedian? Because when you're a comedian, you never really punch out. There's just stuff. You got a little pad.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, just this. Just this little Molesky notebook that they discontinued.

[Adam Carolla]

Little. A little notebook and you go, oh, this is funny. Something.

[Ari Shafir]

Two dogs. Two dogs getting stuck after fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Ari Shafir]

See that? You're like, oh, this similar. Compare that to adults. Human adults dating.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Boom. Leave it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you're almost no writing, to be honest. Almost no writing.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I just kind of let it

[Adam Carolla]

go fallow and so just completely kind of alone with your thoughts.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah. And even overnight buses or daytime buses, like, instead of here, it'd be like bored there. It's like looking at villages you pass by and they're just like, different. It just makes you think about your own culture and way of life and the comparison. Because it's all a little different. The street signs are in like a slightly different color or shape.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It just like shakes you out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

You know, it's like you're in a simulation where you're like, that's off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, it is. It's funny when you see police uniforms. You see like in Japan, their firefighters have goofy hats.

[Ari Shafir]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, they're all kind of. Now they're all like a little goofy ye. Or different or sometimes better.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, exactly. The cops across the world mostly don't carry guns. Depending on where US cops have the most firepower, for sure. But French cops have a map to help you get where you're going. It's like nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

So for you, is it all Latin America? Is it all gonna be kind of deep cut places? You couldn't go to Rome and do this touristy stuff.

[Ari Shafir]

No, I mean, there's some places where you Can't. Where you do like Buenos Aires, you know, there's some like cool Sao Paulo and Rio and like there's some like, you know, well known places and you just mix in with like a town that's having a, like a local festival that you've never heard of or you just happen to get lucky. I saw the Bolivian leader being sworn in. First leader in 20 years. But that was just by chance, right? I was like, why are these streets blocked off? Like, what, what do you mean? And how do they changing today?

[Adam Carolla]

How do they react to you? Tall, huh? Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So like Guatemala, which is like the shortest country I've ever been to, right? They're like, what the fuck, dude?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Ari Shafir]

But yeah, if it's like a town or village where like there's just no tourism, right? They're just like. They stare. It's worse than Asia, right? Asia. You'll shut down a market by walking through it.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. People will be chopping their whatever and they just like look up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, the heights. The heights are hard one to get away from.

[Ari Shafir]

The heights and the whites, I think

[Adam Carolla]

the heights and the whites. But the heights, the heights pulls you in and then the whites is why you stay, you know, like the height is the first. I think people just notice. Like, I've always said that about. I was at an event once with Kareem Abdul Jabbar and someone was bugging him for an autograph and he didn't want to give him an autograph. And I was like, listen, if you're Tom Cruise, you can ride your motorcycle anywhere you want in Los Angeles. Put your full. Put your helmet on, get your leather jacket, your sunglasses, and you're gone. If you're Kareem Abdul Jabbar, you haven't been able to avoid anyone since you were 16.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so big, you can.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to be noticed.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, move out of la, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

This is like Brad Pitt could figure out to. He can go out, see a movie and figure it out. Kareem cannot.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Brad Pitt could wear a hoodie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hoodie, sunglasses, God knows when everyone was wearing a mask. You know what I mean? That was easy. But Kareem can't go anywhere. Never could. And essentially been famous since he was at UCLA and that was 60 years ago.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. On this storytelling show, Jordan Jensen did a joke about it. She was shoplifting and she stopped until they forced everyone to put on disguises for a year.

[Adam Carolla]

She goes, well, I'm back.

[Ari Shafir]

I guess I'm back. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who have you had on the show? Because I saw the trailer and it's a murder's row. Shane Gillis, Nate Bragazzi, Tom Segura.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Hinchcliffe, Ms. Pat, Alisa Deke. I bought probably some of the favorites here that have come in here. I'm trying to thank Joe List, Norman, Roy Wood, Jr. DiStefano.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it easy to get those guys? Because they all. There's a kind of a respect and a circle and they all like everybody.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. It's a mixture of doing a favor for me. And then some guys like Tony and Shane were like, well, I always kind of wanted to do this. Not happening. That old rendition of the show. Completely different, unrelated, legally.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

And then they're like, it went away. So I always wanted to do it. And in the meantime, it became an arena comic. But.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Ari Shafir]

And so they're like, it's back. Yeah. I will clear my schedule and do it. We had four people take private jets to come do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Where'd you shoot it? In New York.

[Ari Shafir]

In New York at the Box.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. Private jets.

[Ari Shafir]

They're so rich.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, I know the box.

[Ari Shafir]

It's like a burlesque.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ari Shafir]

Kind of like upscale, thousand dollar a bottle place.

[Adam Carolla]

Is the green room downstairs or upstairs?

[Ari Shafir]

No, real green room. Oh, yeah. Downstairs is where the chicks dress.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Dressing room and the bathrooms are there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I've done stand up there.

[Ari Shafir]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Chappelle used to have his like comedian balls there where he would just invite everybody, like, drink for free on me and talk to each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Chappelle rules.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know Chappelle.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't know him either. But he would have these comedian balls where he'd be like, I'm gonna get a VIP booth with Talib Kweli or whatever. Don't fuck with me. You know what I mean? But I want you all to come. I want you to talk to each other about your industry and drink for free on me at this high level place you can never afford on your own.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of nice. Maybe Rogan has become the white Chappelle in that manner.

[Ari Shafir]

White Chappelle is great. Fucking idiot. Guys, I'm falling apart. I need a napkin. I'm sorry. Tell somebody. Bring a napkin. A 204.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so.

[Ari Shafir]

What a fucking spaz.

[Adam Carolla]

The network, this, this relationship, network stuff, it turns out to be a good thing.

[Ari Shafir]

It's not networking. It's being friendly.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, sorry, I shouldn't. I shouldn't say networking. I'm saying network of Friends. Oh, right, right. Kind of thing. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And they all wanted to help me out. They realized, like, Comedy Central stole a show for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

You understand?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Ari Shafir]

I forgot who I'm talking to. It's, like, doing a bit in. I was doing a bit about, like, the original Jewish temple, the old Jewish temple in, like, two specials ago that's coming back on Netflix, by the way. Bringing it. Put it on there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait, tell me when's it coming

[Ari Shafir]

back on Netflix for the first time? 28th, so it's already out.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, is it new?

[Ari Shafir]

No, it's my YouTube special, and they're doing the first one that they picked up from YouTube.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. And they put it recently on Netflix. Oh, that's. When did it. See, this is the part that confused me. I was looking on Netflix and I saw it.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like. I came in and I told my guys, ari's got a Netflix special. And they go, it came out two years ago or something. I was like. And I go, I just saw it on. It was on Netflix. He goes, that's old one.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, it's their first one. They were like, hey, we shouldn't have missed out on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Ari Shafir]

So let's put it on our. Whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it one with all the candles lit?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. There's just a lot of things where I have to make sure I'm not going insane. Cause I said, like, three times. I go, I turned it on Netflix, and I swear it was up there. And they go, that's old. It's an old one. And I go, ah. But they didn't say rerun.

[Ari Shafir]

They're not gonna bail it like that.

[Adam Carolla]

No. My guys didn't tell me that Netflix just picked up.

[Ari Shafir]

Netflix just picked up. It's their first one. It's not normal. So they wouldn't assume that. Don't fire them for that Firing for the headphones. For sure.

[Adam Carolla]

The headphones. Someone's roll. Yes.

[Ari Shafir]

Anyway, so I'm doing a bit about the Jewish temple, how they rebuilt it. And I was trying to explain to every crowd, like, see, we have this one main temple. And then I'm doing that joke everywhere. I'm doing it in Salt Lake City.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

And I was doing it in Salt Lake City. I'm like, oh, you guys would understand this, actually more than anyone else. So. Yeah, you would understand, Adam. They stole my show.

[Adam Carolla]

I would understand.

[Ari Shafir]

They moved it on without me, and it hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

And you'll laugh. Speaking of Rogan. But I was just.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, y.

[Adam Carolla]

Talking to Kimmel. And we were talking off the air or you heard I was getting a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. And I'm sure the villagers in many of the places you went will be over the moon about my star. Was there any buzz about it at all?

[Ari Shafir]

They weren't talking about El Salvador, but not. I don't think it had been.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably hadn't made the news out there yet. But it'll get there. You go back, you'll see. I'm the toast of the town.

[Ari Shafir]

Tostada of the towns, tostada of pueblos.

[Adam Carolla]

So Jimmy said to me, do you want me to speak at this thing? And I said, yeah, I do. I'll put you up after Rogan and before Stanhope. That's my steal the show joke.

[Ari Shafir]

That's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he got a laugh out of it.

[Ari Shafir]

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

But a network of friends who want to do things for you and have become very successful and would like to share the wealth.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And also, we're doing. We're like, since I'm doing on my own, right. I'm putting all my money into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm doing whatever, like, kind of whatever I want. So I just. We just cut them all into the profits.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Instead of, like, having a fee. And then, like, we're done. We're just profiting off you. I'm like, the more it sells, the more you guys get.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

I'll pay your rent. It doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the new world order is nice, where you don't have to rely on the network and the executives.

[Ari Shafir]

It's up to us.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Well, look, what are. I mean, I know everyone says this, but, you know, this sort of by committee thing. I've been through the system, done the network thing with the executives, and first things first. The product suffers.

[Ari Shafir]

This is the fountainhead.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the product.

[Ari Shafir]

You can't have two people working on something with opposite viewpoints. Well, you could do. You can do the. If I want to. If I'm gonna make a podcast, I can go to a carpenter. I'm like, make me a sick. I can't do that part. So you make me a sick table.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Ari Shafir]

So that's you shining and me shining. That's collaborative. That's not that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. What ends up happening is they go. You go, such and such. Notes on the script. And then they go, lloyd Braun doesn't want. He doesn't want the Burning man joke. And you go, that's a funny joke. He hasn't heard. Lloyd hasn't heard of Burning man, so he doesn't want The Burning man joke in there. And then you go, everyone's heard of Burning Man. Lloyd's just a rich white guy. He's never heard of Burning Man. Well, and then you have this discussion. Let's just give him this one. Just throw out the. Just make the guy who doesn't know anything happy by hurting the product.

[Ari Shafir]

And you're like, no, don't just give him this one. That's this one. There'll be another. Give someone else another one. And it's like, well, don't give anyone anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

I completely agree. And think about any painting. How would a painting get better if, like, five guys in suits stood next to it?

[Ari Shafir]

Pablo, maybe a little less blue in this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, come on, Pablo. Yeah. I mean, honestly, if you think in terms of a painting, you realize, oh, that's absurd. That you would have a committee of people critiquing it and then changing it and then re changing it again. That's absurd. Any artist has to be on his own doing his art, and then the chips will fall where they may.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, well, what I always did with this not happening with this show is like, hey, you do whatever you want. The time range even is five minutes to 15 minutes. And then Brewer is like, Can I do 22? I'm like, yeah, if that's how long the story goes, sure. We'll figure it out. I'm not going to try to chop off your shit.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the craziest story? I mean, probably a lot of them,

[Ari Shafir]

but always alisa Deeks. And Ms. Pat's always crazy, like. Cause I'm like, every time they finish, I'm like, well, I just don't have that. I never got shot in the tit running away from drug dealers. I'm just like, what is your life? Joy Diaz. That kind of shit. Where I'm like, whoa, yeah, where you get robbing people at Machine Gun Point? And I'm like, oh, I had one about my camp counselor. Right, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You're never going. I mean, you're never gonna beat Cheated Death.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, basically, you're on the train, you know, on the Russian train, shit like that. We're like, the problem is, people go like, that story's not real. It's too crazy. I'm like, well, that's why they're sharing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

They're not saying this is every day for them.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Ari Shafir]

It's an outstanding moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, even the not crazy. So, like, Jim Brewer calling in a bomb scare to Sears because the guy who worked at Sears was a dick to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Is not like that could happen to any of us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I kind of do remember that.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. He just told it so well. Jim Brewer star Regan doing one about getting booed at a minor league hockey game because he had to do stand up in between periods. And they're all just a rain of booze coming down on him. Yeah. They want the Zamboni rather than him.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like Zamboni is funnier. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It's not that crazy. It's just that he's telling it so well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Big J talking about a fight outside the cellar. The fight lasted probably 40 seconds and the story is 15 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Describing every one of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Comics are great in green rooms at story. This is what we do the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ari Shafir]

Adam, Adam, tell him what happened when you got your star and that guy. Bum came in like, all right, all right, all right. Sit down, sit down. You know, you have a story, you tell it better than anybody than your wife would. But yeah, she fucking well, six months ago. Start there.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't start there, everybody. O'Reilly. O o o o Riley Auto Parts. Pow. Yeah, you remember that jingle? Used to hear it on the radio all the time. Now you hear it here on the podcast. O'Reilly, man, love these guys. They're in the business keeping your car on the road. Last time I went to one, I went up on Foothill Boulevard, Upper Glendale there getting stuff prepped for the race car. Not too many things I can't figure out when it comes to car. But if I have a problem, I always go to O'Reilly immediately. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free, and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and they're friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things automotive. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right?

[Show Announcer]

Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

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[Ari Shafir]

Come with me if you want to live.

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[Ari Shafir]

Truth, isn't it?

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[Adam Carolla]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

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[Adam Carolla]

I hate it when someone fucks up your story.

[Ari Shafir]

Give away the ending right away.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. Or they make you look like an ass wipe. There was a story somebody wrote. I'll figure it out and I'll think of his name. But anyway, there's a famous story I've told a million times about Natalie Merchant. No. Natalie Main. Geez, do we need them both from the Dixie Chicks.

[Ari Shafir]

That's Maine.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Maine from the Dixie Chicks. Called me and wanted to know if I would escort her to the Grammys.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Out of the blue? What? Out of the blue. When they were at the height of their powers. They won record of the Year.

[Ari Shafir]

Before the bush stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Way before. Right at the beginning.

[Ari Shafir]

And they wanted you to escort the lead?

[Adam Carolla]

Wanted me to escort her? Circa 2000, 1999.

[Ari Shafir]

Like a bodyguard or like a date?

[Adam Carolla]

A date.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it was cool. My girlfriend did not think it was cool, but I thought it was cool. And what happened was subsequently after that flowers and giant cookies and things would all arrive at my work desk.

[Ari Shafir]

Did you fuck a Dixie chick?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh God, I should have. Why yes, I should have. But all the flowers and all the cookies were being sent by Jimmy, including panties, including notes saying we need to fuck now and stuff like that. It was all coming from Jimmy, which is a great story. And up to the point where he's doing the office. And he said, you gotta call her right now. Wow. Call her right now and you tell her to back off, man. Cause she's getting out of control.

[Ari Shafir]

Knowing full well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, wow. Like handed me the phone and watched me call her.

[Ari Shafir]

And he Played it right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was filming me. I didn't know he was filming me. But I said I called her and I was like, listen, with the flowers and the cookies and the panties, you gotta stop. She's like, what are you talking about? Like, what do you mean? You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. Well, the problem is it's the first time she sent me flowers. And I called her up and I said, hey, thanks for the flowers. And she was like, no problem. But I realized that's what anyone would say if someone said, thanks for the flowers. Right? She thought her publicist sent them or something. What's she gonna deny it? She just goes, yeah, okay, good.

[Ari Shafir]

I would never have done that.

[Adam Carolla]

Once the panties showed up, I was hooked. And then. Anyway, here's the whole point. It's slow play. It just took this took two weeks of him sending over. He even got a six foot sub from GML as my favorite sub place and put a big sign in and said, like, I won't be ignored or something. And I should have been suspicious because none of the writers were all in on it. The man show writers. And I remember going in going, what are you guys doing for lunch today? And they're like, ah, no plans. And I'm like, you always have. They're always making plans for lunch. They knew the sub was coming. They all walked in with plates right at noon and got their substitute. But anyway, somebody was following us around and wrote this story for a publication. And they wrote the story, but they ignored the part where Natalie invited me to escort her to the Grammys. They just picked it up where Jimmy kept sending flowers saying it was from the Dixie Chicks. And foolish Adam bought into it. It's like, no, no, you had to

[Ari Shafir]

give me a reason. I'm not just gonna believe Jennifer Aniston's coming on with no contact.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Belinda Carlisle wants to suck your dick from the Go Go's. Here's a edible arrangeable. Like I'd be like, oh, Jimmy, get the fuck out of here. Right? No, she asked me to take her to the fucking Grammys. And I actually called her when I was going into Loveline after she gave me the flowers. And I called her and she goes, oh, hey, Adam, I was just sitting here on my bed watching you on TV right now. And I was like, oh, man, she's got it bad.

[Ari Shafir]

Sure you are.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got it bad. So that was the context. So you can't fucking tell the story and leave that part out. I just seem like a delusional idiot.

[Ari Shafir]

It's hard to tell a story. You got to be. You can't be some journalist. You got to be a comedian. That's right, Jimmy, more of this, less crying about politicians.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, more back.

[Ari Shafir]

Come on back.

[Adam Carolla]

I fucking. Yes, Jimmy. In the practice. I don't know. Jimmy is practical. His practical jokes. No. And knew no. No bounds. And by the way, the amount of energy he would put into them. I mean, when he was trying to convince Mike August that Mike August was Citizen of the Year in Glendale, he had a guy. Man, the phone that the stationary was sent to with Mike in case Mike called. So the guy would pick up and go, glendale City Council. Like, sitting in Jimmy's office. Wow. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

He goes like a heist, where you're like, run the line over here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ari Shafir]

Just for a practical joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I could keep going.

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, we had the roast of Peter Chen. Do you remember Peter Chen? Lunatic Asian guy that was a Comedy Store regular, but like a crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember Peter Chen.

[Ari Shafir]

He was a Ding Dong Show Barris.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's a Ding Dong show.

[Ari Shafir]

So we had a roast for him. And Kimmel was. I think it was. He already started his late night at that comedy. In the Belly Room.

[Adam Carolla]

In the Belly Room. So I was like, this is Don Barris.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Tony Barbieri. Big three kind of.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, not scary Perry, but.

[Ari Shafir]

And Kim was on there. And then he called Peter Chen a snake or whatever. And he did all these things. And then. And then Peter gets up and now hits his turn, right? And so he's. He's a dumb. Do anything, right? And he goes, you know, to somebody. He's like, ah, you call me a loser, you loser.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I do know this guy.

[Ari Shafir]

And then. And then he goes to Kimmel's at the end of the dais. He goes, jimmy Kimmel, you call me Snake. You are a man who is a snake. And then he moves on. And Kimmel smashes a beer bottle and runs at him like, you motherfucker, be held back. You took it too far with the shards of glass. I'll fucking kill you.

[Commercial Voice 2]

And he's like, no, no.

[Ari Shafir]

You call me Snake, I call you Stick, right? It's just like. It's so fucking funny.

[Adam Carolla]

His practical jokes would go on for weeks, a lot of time, and would start drifting into a world of psychological torture and warfare. I mean, him and I were sitting at Carney's Hot Dogs out on the patio off of Ventura Boulevard in Sherman Oaks one day when we Were doing radio together and a car went flying down Ventura. And it was like a big Cadillac. And the guy was like one of those horn honks where they don't let off. And I sort of looked over my shoulder and there was a very recognizable car. There was a guy who worked at the station named Mark who drove a Honda de La Soul. Those weird little targa topped, green, funky 80s things. There's only four on the road. And I was like. I looked over my shoulder and I go, oh, that was Mark that guy was honking at. And Jimmy goes, you sure? And I go, yeah, yeah, that was Mark. Oh, he goes, okay. And then he goes home that night and he calls Mark in his black voice, which is. He's just like, hey, motherfucker, remember me? Mark's like, huh? I was a guy driving a Cadillac on Ventura today. He's like, oh, that was you? How'd you get. I got friends, man. Now I'm coming for you. Cause you fucked me up and I'm going to fuck you up and I'm fucking coming. I got friends at the DMV and I got your address and that's where I got your phone number and I'm fucking coming for you. And Mark was like, who else could this be?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, right. There's no other Cadillac.

[Adam Carolla]

It has to be. Yeah. Ventura Boulevard, today at noon.

[Ari Shafir]

Why would he think Jimmy Kimmel would be in on like a five second situation, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Unknowable, Untraceable. Untraceable. And then he proceeded to call him and threaten him every night.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

For the next several weeks.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

While Mark.

[Ari Shafir]

What a psycho.

[Adam Carolla]

Mark started to come unraveled. I went to Mark's house during that period and I like walked into the. I like walked up the back stairs like from the parking an apartment. And Mark came out. He's like in a cold sweat and he's like, did you lock the door from the parking lot? I go, I just closed it. God damn it. He like ran down the stairs and looked around and then deadbolted it, came up yelling. And it was like it was coming unglued.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

He only found out because his roommate who worked at the radio station, 2, who. Jimmy swore to secrecy.

[Ari Shafir]

He didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

At some point he goes, I'm living with a mental patient.

[Ari Shafir]

I can't do this.

[Adam Carolla]

I told him, he said, I just told him I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it. I'm living with a person screamed at me for leaving the curtains open. You know what I mean? I Can't do it.

[Ari Shafir]

That's so funny. Cause he probably would never stop Some

[Adam Carolla]

reveal It's the perfect crime it's the perfect crime Just like the Dixie Chicks is a perfect crime Perfect crime Because the setup was there. There's nobody else who could know, except for Mark, that he got honked at all the way down Ventura Boulevard by a guy in a Cadillac.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah, it was good. Mark. And you know, that's Mark Davis, by the way, who ended up being Dick Cheese, I think, who'd sung. Remember his claim to fame. He covered popular grunge songs like a big band singer.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, I think I've seen those.

[Adam Carolla]

You probably a bunch.

[Show Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Dawson will find, like, you know, Nirvana, a Nirvana song, if it was done by Frank Sinatra and his orchestra or whatever. That. That's Mark Davis, who. Jimmy terrorized all those. You know what we should do? I should do a show where I get all the victims of Jimmy's pranks. I'd like to get him back, make

[Ari Shafir]

his life hell for a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

See if you can make him lose his hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell their stories about being terrorized.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, that would be great. That'd be fun.

[Adam Carolla]

It was some good shit.

[Ari Shafir]

It's so great when you got a long con going.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. Richard Cheese.

[Ari Shafir]

Richard Cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Lounge against the machine. Yeah. It was like lounge music. I'm trying to think.

[Ari Shafir]

Richard Cheese. I've seen those.

[Adam Carolla]

The other one Jimmy would do all the time is Jimmy does a spot on George Wallace the comedian.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay. I was thinking Mike Wallace. Yeah, George Wallace.

[Adam Carolla]

George Wallace, the comedian. Right. And by the way, he's doing the George Wallace voice when he's. When he's terrifying Mark Davis. But he'd do a spot on George Wallace. And if we'd be like, in Vegas or something and there'd be other comedians for some sort of Comedy Central night of Galaxy of Stars or something, he would call the other comedians in their room as George Wallace, who they knew was at the thing as well, fucking pissed off about something. And then the poor person beat young comedian would be in their room, and George Wallace is screaming at a. Over the phone.

[Ari Shafir]

That's demanding stuff. Yeah, that's. But it's a good weapon to have.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to have energy.

[Ari Shafir]

I want a random person to. That's like, why would George Wallace be on. Who would have chosen him?

[Adam Carolla]

That's just like.

[Ari Shafir]

That was the impression.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why it works.

[Ari Shafir]

You can't do it too overboard.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't say, this is Richard Nixon. You know what I Mean, like, it's not going to work.

[Ari Shafir]

You got to be subtle enough.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got to be. You have to go. If I was playing a practical joke, I wouldn't choose this comedian. I would do somebody else. You'd be Sam Kinison or something.

[Ari Shafir]

It wouldn't be like, the president's coming to your restaurant open. It'd be like the vice president's sister.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole thing is, if you were gonna try to convince Mike August that he's Citizen of the Year, you can't say of California. Right. You have to say of Burbank or

[Ari Shafir]

Glendale, because that's something that the chamber of commerce from the would do.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You can't go two grand with it. You know, that's how the grift works.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Your hometown. Tucson. Yeah, exactly. Dude. Any prank I'm thinking of now is so short form compared to. Compared to this, it's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy's grift with the Mark Davis probably is long. You know, I mean, that. It was. It was a month.

[Ari Shafir]

And you just weigh in all the time. Like, wake up. Like, ooh. You're just looking for angles. If you happen to see him, you're like, I've already set this up. I can roll with this now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

The Lord provides.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. Yeah, you gotta be fluid. You gotta be fast on your feet. I mean, look. I mean, you think about the whole. Scary Perry.

[Ari Shafir]

That's big. That's the longest grift.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, Windy City Heat. I mean, it's nuts.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Oh, what a cool thing to be part of. Well, would you play in that. The guy in a. In a. In a Spartan outfit.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing about the whole.

[Ari Shafir]

Doing another movie.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole.

[Ari Shafir]

He's playing a Spartan dog buddy movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I played Air Caligula. Was my dog buddy. My Spartan dog buddy move.

[Ari Shafir]

Fat Corolla's gonna be in a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Air Caligula. The thing about me with scary Perry is people knew who I was, so I couldn't pass myself off as Mr. Nagasaki or Hiroshima or, you know, they would have guys that'd be like, this is John Hancock. You know what I mean? Like, stuff like that. That's. They would. That's Susan B. Anthony over there. But he wouldn't care if he didn't recognize you, but he'd be like, I know that guy. You could do it. But if he knew me from tv, then I can't be passed off as Sir Walter Raleigh.

[Ari Shafir]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So that wouldn't work. Everyone else. Most everyone else got passed off.

[Ari Shafir]

For me, it was. And this is like not film, but just regular. It was. Yeah, he's a comedian, but he was a high powered entertainment lawyer who could get shit done. Oh, were you in it? Just. No, just like, not filmed. Just like every day. And so he'd always try to impress me and get me to get him stuff. And I'm like, I don't know, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe Jimmy's cousin Sal was Saul Steinbergowitz Greenbaum, who was an entertainment lawyer. They made him, like, super as jewy as you could possibly make a lawyer, which is awesome.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, that's the biggest long con. That's the biggest city heat is the biggest long con. Well, trying to show it to somebody, you can't find it anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe on YouTube every. Oh, this is. This is us. Oh, I have a dog with him.

[Ari Shafir]

This is on YouTube.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this might seem. Oh, I have my dog. I forgot I had a dog.

[Rudy Pavic]

Removal ordeal.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you gotta go. I think you gotta go back. I think you gotta go back a little bit. Bit. I. Go ahead. Thought it was funny. You got to go back. I probably have to go to St. Nice.

[Rudy Pavic]

What you asked for?

[Adam Carolla]

Perry asked for a shampoo. You haven't got.

[Ari Shafir]

That's all you asked for, shampoo.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't ask for a motorcycle.

[Ari Shafir]

I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Perry, don't argue. You got what you got. No big deal. What are you going to do? Solstein Bergwitz didn't give me a contract.

[Ari Shafir]

Rolls off his tongue. Oh, it's coming.

[Adam Carolla]

It's coming. Yeah. Just like an orgasm is coming.

[Rudy Pavic]

Hi.

[Commercial Voice 1]

Francis Farmer.

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

Good to meet you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a lot manager. I'm going to take you guys to your trailer. Hey, look at that. Hey, Adam. Hey, Adam.

[Ari Shafir]

What's happening?

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

Hey, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, man. Hey, how's it going? How you doing, brother? We're here doing the Windy City Heat. They're doing that on this lot? Yeah, absolutely. Perry's the star. What are you doing here? I'm doing a gladiator dog Buddy flicks. Oh, yeah, Air Caligula. It's the same as Air Bud, but he throws the javelin. I watched the man show last night and laughed my ass off on the hair removal ordeal. Don't say anything. He lost that show. It's not on anymore. Put it in his face. It's kind of weird. I thought it was funny. I mean, it was funny, but now that Jimmy's. Hey, hey, congratulations. Hey, and listen, you know, if you need any. You need any help, you need extra players, anything like that, you know, Same thing about your TV show. You need Any help on your show or anything? Right? I. I don't have a TV show anymore, though. Rub it in, Perry. You keep rubbing it in, Perry.

[Ari Shafir]

Don't be a jerk.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. Hey. Hey.

[Rudy Pavic]

I gotta go.

[Adam Carolla]

You just wait a second.

[Commercial Voice 1]

I just.

[Adam Carolla]

Ready for you. Look.

[Ari Shafir]

What a dick. He's like, immediately like, I'd love to be on your thing. He's like, I would also love to be. He's not like, we love to have you on. Just put me on your thing. You played it well. Where it's like, this hurts. I'm moving on.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Commercial Voice 2]

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[Ari Shafir]

Come with me if you want to live.

[Commercial Voice 2]

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[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, like, start crying.

[Adam Carolla]

We got me a dog for that scene. The motorcycle was my motorcycle, by the way. I just lent it to Sad.

[Ari Shafir]

That's so long ago. That dog is dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and the guy who bought the motorcycle is probably dead too. It is true. You gotta go. You gotta realize that Air Caligula dog is not with us. Not with us anymore. Yeah. That's a Max. How do you. You said you lay on your hammock with your dog.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I took him to Ecuador.

[Adam Carolla]

You took him?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. This trip. I didn't, but. Because I was moving through countries, but. But Ecuador. I took him six months. My dog's been to more places than my friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, for sure. And. And where. Where do you. Is it cool with the dog in those places? Is.

[Ari Shafir]

It's like we were once outside some market town in Ecuador. Some. No. And way, way up in the mountains, and I'm gonna. I'm gonna hike with them and then kind of runs off. And then I'm like, bandit. Bandit. And I can't find. I'm like. And I'm looking all over, and I'm

[Adam Carolla]

Bandit from Johnny Quest.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Looks just like him.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Oh, man.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, the masks. Oh, man, I forgot you were born in the 1920s.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm old.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Probably my age. Yeah. And he just, like, became a free dog. Just run off. And then I was like, where? I can't find him. What the. What the. I was freaking out. 6:01. Right at dinner time.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Found his way right back.

[Ari Shafir]

Then he'd be gone and he'd make friends, like other street dog friends. I saw him once. I was up on a mountain, like, way down a river valley, then way up. He's just. Bandit. He just pops his head up over a mountain.

[Adam Carolla]

Bandit.

[Ari Shafir]

And he's like, not yet. It's just gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And then just trust him. He got free.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

Now he's just, like, in the city. Could just trail me.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. People like you trained him so well. I'm like, nah, it's him.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. It ruled, though. He'd make friends. Other street dog friends go on little side quests, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

It's so weird. What you're talking about is, like, people's relationship with the ocean. The ocean is incredible, and it's kind of healing, and it's just. There's nothing better than being in the water and being in that environment. But most people. Oh, no. A lot of people are just scared. All they go, you could drown sharks, you know, like, they're worried about these really low percentage things that are going to happen to them.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're. They're depriving themselves of like a real free and incredible experience, which is being in the ocean.

[Ari Shafir]

Like that feeling if it's better safe than sorry. Right. What do you think the safe is and what do you think the sorry is? The sorry is I didn't go in the ocean. The sorry is better say, oh my God, I almost didn't go to El Salvador.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right. Not all the potential bad that could happen.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. The bad is not going there. The bad is living a life locked into your room like fucking Anne Frank.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, safety is a.

[Ari Shafir]

Safety kills.

[Adam Carolla]

It kills. And it's a big fucking deal. And by the way, we all just got butt fucked by Covid because of safety. People went so hard into the safety that they go, you know, shut the schools, shut the mom pop is. Put a mask on, stay at home. Like, okay. But let's look at the downside of that. And there's a lot more downside.

[Ari Shafir]

Kids are freaks now from that year.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Shafir]

Just like, don't come close to me.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't even.

[Ari Shafir]

They don't know how to socialize.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you.

[Ari Shafir]

They're not fudgeing anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Ari Shafir]

I want to see children fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

I want video of children penetrating other children.

[Ari Shafir]

4K. Let's see it. I want a smell of vision. We're not doing that. We're not Americans.

[Adam Carolla]

I wear my VR goggles. Yeah. And they. First off, young dudes, I'll give you two things. You ready?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Young dudes don't want their driver's license and don't want to fuck. And that means they're half dead. Because all we wanted was driver's license so you could get your dick sucked.

[Ari Shafir]

Road head is the best of both worlds.

[Adam Carolla]

Best. That's the best. Like trunk fucking like you used to do trunk fucking. That's right.

[Ari Shafir]

I got did my dick sucked on the PCH move. And I'm like, lady, I gotta pull over. This is so dangerous.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, please. And he wasn't even driving.

[Ari Shafir]

It's so hard to go down on

[Adam Carolla]

a woman while she's driving.

[Ari Shafir]

Your angle is so ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what cruise control is for. That's what the cybertruck is for. But I remember your trunk fucking story last time you were in here, the

[Ari Shafir]

Jetta in Santa Monica, right off Santa Monica, like the neighborhood kids. One of those free parking lots.

[Adam Carolla]

Young dudes got none of that in them. I don't know if it's low T. I don't know if it's plastics in the system. I don't know if it's a combination of all the above.

[Ari Shafir]

It's how you move on after fucking in a trunk of a Jetta. I forgave the Nazis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you moved on.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. You made big trunks. We're good.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Ari Shafir]

You sold all our boots and made a big boot.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah, the boot. The trunk is the boot.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah. It's sad. It's. But it's like. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, the state. I was in Norway once in some, like Oslo, some castle. And you're up there and like, get higher and then it looks out over the water. There's a little like, chain link. Not chain link, just like a cable.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

And it says, like, caution, Right. Step right over it with your legs over, like. And like, drink or whatever. But I'm like, you know, in America, this would be a whole fence.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Ari Shafir]

And it wouldn't just say, careful. They wouldn't let you up there because it's overly cautious.

[Adam Carolla]

We need a warning sign on. Everything you buy has a sticker on it that explains how dangerous this thing is. If you go to the gas station in California, there's a sticker on the pump saying gas and pregnant and cancer, whatever. When you walk in, there's a big sticker about vaping. There's another sticker about tobacco. There's just a fucking. There's a thing, you know, where the beer's sold if you're pregnant. You know what I mean? It's just one big lawyered up safety fucking warning. And everyone is like, that's progress. I'm like, that is not good. That's not progress at all. The worst thing you can do in a society is raise a bunch of dudes who are pussies. And we got a bunch of pussy dudes now. And it is bad fucking times. And you should do things.

[Ari Shafir]

Doing things. Yeah, that's the. I want them fucking more. I want them to just every Boys and girls, men and women, go do things.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm scared.

[Ari Shafir]

Everyone's so scared when I tell them what places I went. Like, weren't you scared? I'm like, well, I don't. What do you think of these places? They're major metropolises.

[Adam Carolla]

People literally, they don't say, have a good day now. They go, have a safe day. Have a safe day. Hey, be safe, be safe, be safe out there. I go, no, stop saying that all the time takes chances. Yeah, 100%.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, and for every close call, you got a great story.

[Adam Carolla]

1,000% I don't get. And by the way, you do need to scare yourself a little bit at times. Now, that doesn't mean hanging off a cliff in a castle, per se.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It could mean doing standup for the first time. It could be. Walk over to the end of the bar and ask for that chick's phone number. Or it could be hauling ass in a car on a track.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You must feel, like, alive when you're doing that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you this about racing cars. There's no other time where you cannot recall anything you've thought while you were doing it. Even with drugs, booze, your mind is sex. You're. You know, people like people. People use sex as people is an example. Like, they get into sex and I go, because they want to get lost. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to think about fucking how much I owe the irs.

[Ari Shafir]

I want to do something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but at some point during sex, at some point, you'll look at the clock. For instance, like, you're not.

[Ari Shafir]

I've got going while you're doing some calculations.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not totally 1000% there. If you're in a race car, there is no such thing as. Like, on lap three, you go, oh, there's kind of a hot chick by the side of the track. Or, what's that guy? He's got a funny hat. It's all. It's just 100% there. And then when you get out of the car, someone goes, what were you thinking about? You go, I don't know. I only. I wasn't even thinking.

[Ari Shafir]

I got that with skiing, because you really gotta be pressing every bump.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. So you're. For that moment, you're kind of free because you're just going 30 miles an hour down a slope, and there's nothing else to think about.

[Ari Shafir]

I got one for you. We're in. We're in Patagonia, a bunch of people, and we're rafting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

There's two rafts, and they have a bunch of safety rafts. Like, if you flip, we're gonna come, right? Yeah. But, like, you know, be careful. Swim away from all that. And they go, all right, this next spot is 50. 50 to flip. And then the boat ahead of us went. They went through. And our guy's like, well, that means, you know, making jokes. And we flipped.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Ari Shafir]

And you teach you how to, like, move and, like, paddle hard and, like, go backwards. Teaches you everything, Right. We flipped. Like, you're under the water, like, and you get out, and then the. The. The guide who's got. He goes, hey, what was I saying right before we flipped? Do you remember? I'm like, no, because I don't remember either. Like, you lose 30 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Backwards.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Ari Shafir]

Because you're so focused.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ari Shafir]

So fun.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. It is great fun to be that.

[Ari Shafir]

That out of control.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. And not only that, but that out of control and not panicking or fighting it and drowning. You know what I mean? Just sort of realizing you cannot control this right now. You can do certain things. I've definitely been in a car going backwards at 100 miles an hour with other cars around me.

[Ari Shafir]

Flip, like spinning.

[Adam Carolla]

Spun out.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. Oh, Dawson will find it. But I was driving a 935, a big Porsche, at a race where there was like, 45 cars on the track with me. Thankfully, not right behind. Well, maybe right behind me. Right on me. But anyway, I just spun out this Porsche. There's a couple of them, actually. And you're just going backwards in the middle of a track. And the idea is there's really nothing you're gonna do to fix this right now, but you can probably make it worse. And so you have to do less

[Ari Shafir]

and trust yourself to do less is more. Right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. To kinda relax. It's a kind of a thing. Like, you're on stage and you think you're bombing, so you start pushing real hard and it gets worse. You know what I mean? It's better to slow it down and step it back a little bit.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. I'll probably come up with the wrong video first because that's. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

When I'm on a podcast with a lot of people and I say, like, three stinkers in a row, right? I thought it was like, okay, get back in. But now by now I go, just shut up for five minutes. Let them take over. Regroup.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. No.

[Ari Shafir]

Fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see if this is it. We'll play it. Gotta get the sound going, though. That's the key. The sound is what makes this car the car.

[Ari Shafir]

That's you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow. Already cool. That's Paul Newman's 935 that he drove it.

[Ari Shafir]

How's he doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Drove at Lama.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay, okay, okay. New lap. 40 more seconds. I've seen this video game.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this is the wrong video, as predicted, because it's always waited for the video. They always pick the wrong video. No, no, I know. I said there's two, and you're gonna pick the wrong one. That's wrong. All right. But that's why I said that there's this one. We always play this one instead of the one I want, which is. I don't know why we do that, but that's just the way. That's the way it works. But to be fair, there's another way to describe it.

[Ari Shafir]

You should put it in reverse.

[Adam Carolla]

And I just knew we're gonna be on the wrong video. That's.

[Ari Shafir]

I didn't really know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, so now we gotta find out.

[Ari Shafir]

Did you put on reverse to get out of the way, or is it just your momentum took you out there?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to. I don't know if the weight. I don't know if I threw it. Well, I don't know. Let's look at the last. Now we gotta look at the last 10 seconds, just so we'll see if I throw it in reverse to get out of the way.

[Ari Shafir]

So you got off the track.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't want to be hit.

[Ari Shafir]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. That's. And I was at the place of the track where people would come hit you. It's. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Or is that reverse?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that was. I think that's real mad. But you can see. You can see how fast. If you go back to 10 seconds, you see how fast everyone is going past. You gotta get out of that way, and they'll hit you. And that's how you die in that car. Because this guy's going 110 miles an hour.

[Ari Shafir]

He would just obliterate you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If you Watch. Watch. Watch this, sir. Oh, yeah. That guy's going 110 miles an hour.

[Ari Shafir]

You're just remnants.

[Adam Carolla]

You're just. You're gonna destroy everybody. All right, so anyway, do you put

[Ari Shafir]

your blinker on there?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, where's the good one now? And I don't know why we have to. It's not your fault. Maybe it's the Internet's fault, but I also know we've played it enough, Dawson. But I always play that one first.

[Ari Shafir]

I know it's gonna be.

[Adam Carolla]

That wasn't even. That was the big one. And I don't know why, how the algorithm works, but Adam girl spins out 9:35. And it's the big spin. It's not that spin. That was nothing.

[Ari Shafir]

That's so cool. And for the people, like, what if something happened? The answer is. Yeah, right. What if I Didn't get into racing and didn't have that experience.

[Adam Carolla]

No, number one question. They go, how much that car worth? I go, millions of dollars. And they go, what the fuck? What if you got that car? What if that guy hit you after you spun out?

[Ari Shafir]

I go, well, that's, them's the brakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Them's the brakes. And they go, is it insured? And I go, yeah, but not on the track. They won't insure you on it. The insurance is like, well, if you want to park it here, you can insure it.

[Ari Shafir]

If not, you take a million dollar plus car onto. Wow. A billion.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, where is that? It's got to just be right there. It's right there. What are you typing in there? Here it is. There, there, there. We'll find it. It's gotta be right there.

[Ari Shafir]

We found it.

[Adam Carolla]

But we'll play it with a lot of sound.

[Ari Shafir]

Your employees found it.

[Adam Carolla]

Andrew found it.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, here it is. Oh, and now, you know, I was

[Adam Carolla]

like, please don't go into the wall.

[Ari Shafir]

The wall's right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's kind of like I've got to get back on the track, but I don't want to get hit. I'm facing the, the wrong direction. Oh, now. And if someone else slides off the track, they're going to kill me.

[Ari Shafir]

So you.

[Adam Carolla]

Wave to somebody.

[Ari Shafir]

So when that's happening, you're, you're not, I mean, you can see it now, but you have any memories from that or these, like reclaimed memories just kind of watching?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I, I, I just remember I was trying to really hustle the car and I thought I was out of the turn because it's got two big turbos on it, so it'll throw the back end out. But the real good guys get through the turn and they get right back on it. But I still was a little bit in the turn and I got back on it and it just whipped around and it just kept whipping different directions. And I was like, fuck it. My first, your first impulse is, I'm gonna try to save this. And then the next impulse is, I'm gonna try not to hit a wall. I'm not gonna save this. But now I don't wanna hit a wall.

[Ari Shafir]

That must be a fine line too, to, like, when do I switch from saving this to saving me?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I've never. Here's the thing. That's funny. I'm never worried about me, but I am worried about the car. I'm like, fucking car's expensive. And if I put it into that wall, it's gonna cost a lot.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, with alimony, the ex wife has to pay for most. She has to pay for at least half of it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right. Where should we send people? Ari Shafir.

[Ari Shafir]

Go to Ari shafir.com that's the easiest. Go to arishafir.com is the easiest.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. And we can watch the storytelling.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I'm selling these live, so six bucks an episode for fucking Naper Gatsby or Shane Gillis or whatever. There's a discount. You get two free. If you buy, get five. All right, help me reclaim everything, guys. Arishafir.com and I'll be at the Netflix Festival May 7th doing one of these storytelling shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And then my specials on Netflix. My juice specials on Netflix.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we'll take a quick break. Back with news after this. Home Chef. Wow. I'm not organized enough to be a meal prep person, but with Home Chef, my meals are on point every time. Now I'm not only saving time, but also reducing dishes and cleanup as well, which is your time and you're worth something. It's perfect for busy schedules. Whether you need a 30 minute meal or even a quick microwave lunch, Home Chef has you covered and people really love it. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease. On top of that, Home Chef customers save an average of 86 bucks per month on groceries. So that's a lot and it adds up. I'm always running around doing shows, doing podcasts, so this has made evenings so much easier for me. It's Home Chef. Right, Dawson?

[Show Announcer]

For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50 off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to home chef.com Adam that's homechef.com Adam for 50 off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com Adam must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert.

[Adam Carolla]

Hims hair loss does not fix itself, and the earlier you act, the better. Hims make starting simple with a 100% online process and personalized treatment plans delivered straight to you. I recently signed up and it was the simplest thing ever. I literally did it in a car. Just had five minutes. Just do it with your phone. Super easy. They have flexible subscription options and access to 24.7 provider support. HIMS gives you personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better with that hairline right where it should be, which is where it was in high school. So let's get some hims going. And let's take care of that hairline. Am I right, Dawson?

[Show Announcer]

For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss and more, visit hims.com Adam that's hims.com Adam for your free online visit hims.com Adam Featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Ace man, this is Adam in Kansas City.

[Ari Shafir]

I have a new item to add

[Adam Carolla]

to your list of things to be known for. Excommunicated from a church.

[Ari Shafir]

Get it on.

[Show Announcer]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, add that to my list. Started with jumping into a body of water with a knife in my mouth. Yeah. Which Tarzan used to do. But I was like, that's gotta be the worst place to put a knife when you jump into a body of water. It's like in your fucking teeth.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, put it in your cheeks, man. If anything, if it comes out, like, cheeks, your butt cheeks. Like, oh, the other side of your butt cheeks. Be weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's a better place.

[Rudy Pavic]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Your asshole is a better place for that knife in your mouth.

[Rudy Pavic]

I suppose you don't. At first, you don't want it in your hands just in case the knife pops out. And then you go face first into it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'll do? I'll throw the knife in ahead of me and I'll just go down and get it.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll just swim to the bottom and go grab that knife.

[Rudy Pavic]

You need to get that little, that sponge thing that they put on the boat keys so it doesn't. It doesn't sink. Attach that onto it, throw it in, jump in.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the greatest. He'd put the knife in his mouth and then he'd do a full swan off the. Whatever. All right, what do you got? In the news department.

[Rudy Pavic]

So obviously you watched it last night. Spencer Pratt, standout, LA mayor candidate in the. Excuse me. Debut debate performance. That's a mouthful. The former reality star Spencer Pratt, running in a three person race for Los Angeles mayor, received rave reviews following his performance during Wednesday night's NBC affiliate debate.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

This is a yes or no question, an answer. So there's a.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. I'm already Pissed. You know, we do this fucking debates every time we have a moderator, right? We usually have a black chick and a white guy or whatever it is, but we have a moderator, right? And the whole debate goes through the two moderators, right? And then at some point, this is what we do in LA and actually do it in California, but probably not nationally. At some point, toward the end of the debate, we go, and now I want to introduce Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez. He represents Telemundo. And then he comes in and he goes, what are you gonna do for the Mexican people? It's like, shut up, bitch. You're not supposed to be here. I know. You think you're busting us, you know?

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you going to pay for the brown kids to go to school? And everyone goes, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I love Mexicans. That's. That's what we do, by the way. Just have the moderator ask the fucking question. But we have to go to the guy from Telemundo every time they do this.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's such fucking pandering bullshit. Let the white person ask them what they're gonna do with the Mexicans.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, they should do it Univision, Pop. What do they call it? Soap opera style, where every time he asks a question, he just looks into the camera.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Rudy Pavic]

Ka Ding.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so he wants to know. Go ahead.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

This is a yes or no question. So there's an LA council member. He wants voters to decide. He is saying that non citizens, should they be allowed to vote in local elections? Is this a yes or no, Mr. Pratt?

[Spencer Pratt]

No.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Mayor Bass?

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

It depends. It's not a yes or no.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Depends on what?

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

Well, first of all, when you say non citizens, it doesn't mean they're here illegal. It doesn't mean they're undocumented. They could have green cards. They could be here. Perfectly legal. And there's a lot of states and cities that do that on very, very local elections. We have to see what the councilman is proposing.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Councilmember Bremen.

[Councilmember Bremen]

Yeah, I would say, again, it does depend. In other places, school boards have non citizens. Non citizens.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Mr. Pratt, I have a question for you. You told ABC News.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on a second. Okay. Democrats are in trouble. By the way, Spencer Pratt's a nice guy and he's fine. He's no genius. You don't need to be a genius. It's basically, he's in a debate with two women that have tag team. To fuck up the city as badly as you could possibly fuck it up in the last Decade. So that's what they've been up to. So that's an easy one, right? Because you just fucking go, hey, look at the piece of shit city you guys have been presiding over. You won. But it's also. Imagine doing like a math debate, right? And it's just me and you go. And I got my other two partners up there, I'm debating against. And the guy from Telemundo, he goes, question to all the people on stage. What's two plus two? And I go, four. And then the other person, Then all my other people on stage go, well, it's a complicated question. Now, it depends if we're doing metric or standard. And you're like, why am I winning this debate? Because you guys can't answer the fucking question. And you can't answer the question because Democrats have. They painted themselves into a corner, which is all of their thoughts are radical. And nobody wants them. Nobody wants women and men competing together in sports. Nobody wants a wide open border. Nobody wants illegals running through their city selling fucking fentanyl and human trafficking. All the shit your left flank wants, nobody wants. But you have to run. And you're trying to get popular votes, so you can't off your left flank. But you want to get elected. So that means you have to pretend weird shit like, no, we don't want illegals voting. But you can't just say no. Now Spencer Pratt can just say no because the people support him. Don't want that. And when they go, we want the border shut. Yes, I want the border shut. I don't want men competing in women. No, I don't want that. It's easy. But when you ask it to Gavin Newsom, he's in trouble because he has the sensible answer that 90% of America agrees with. And then there's this left fucking lunatic flank that he has to fucking kowtow to. So he has to go, well, it's complicated. Now, I'm interested in fairness. No, it's not. Either you want them doing it or you don't, or you want illegals voting. And by the way, the people who ask the questions are fucked up because they just go, okay, go ahead and carve out the 26 people with a green card that are here right now. All right, Carve them out. Now answer the question.

[Rudy Pavic]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it so complicated anymore? No, this is their constituency. Illegals. It's so blatantly obvious that's what they want. And they can't even say into a fucking microphone, look, you need to be a citizen of this country. Otherwise, you don't vote. That's pure and simple. That's the way it is. Karen Bass. Go back to Karen Bass. Answer, though. Karen Bass. Listen to how she speaks, by the way. She doesn't really. She's not even clear in her answer. Get ready, Dawson. By the way, if I were up there. Hold on. You can play him for a few seconds. Sorry. If I was up there. If I was Spencer Pratt, I'd be

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

like, go ahead, Mr. Pratt.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you can go back. Sorry.

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

It depends. It's not.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Should they be allowed to vote in local elections? Is this a yes or no, Mr. Pratt?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. I'd be like, first off, you got to speak English, bro. I don't fucking understand what the fuck you're saying. I thought I caught part of it, which was not letting Mexicans vote. Yeah, no. Yeah. They ain't voting. But next time, could we get someone who's speaking, speaks a little better English, asks these questions so I can understand what the fuck's going on.

[Rudy Pavic]

Are you asking directions to the Getty? What happened?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah, yeah. Leave the oranges in my truck, bro. All right, so here's Karen Bass. But listen to how she articulates it.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Mayor Bass.

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

It depends. It's not a yes or no.

[Moderator Jaime Alonso Escuela Gonzalez]

Depends on what?

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

Well, first of all, when you say non citizens, it doesn't mean they're here illegal.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't mean illegally. It's not they're here. Doesn't mean they're here. Illegal. Weird. All right, but she'll keep going documented.

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

They could have green cards.

[Adam Carolla]

Go back. Sorry. She goes, she'll go illegal. And document. Watch.

[Councilmember (possibly Rahman)]

It doesn't mean they're undocumented. They could have green cards. They could be here. Perfectly legal. And there's a lot of states and cities that do that on very, very local elections.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? So she goes, it doesn't mean they're here illegal. They could have undocumented. Doesn't mean they're here illegal. She's not even using English correctly. She sort of. She did a documented little. But she sounds kind of dumb. Here's what I'm saying. Her answer is dumb, but also the way she answers it is dumb. Like she's zero for fucking two.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, well, much like the answer, she's trying to sound like the constituency, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, so it's complicated. So she can't answer. The answer is she doesn't want to piss off the only people left who are going to vote for her, and that's illegal. Mexicans. All right, sorry, sorry, but we got a montage here.

[Spencer Pratt]

I think Robin acts like she doesn't have any authority with this homelessness. She was the third most powerful person in city council. She runs the homeless housing thing. She acts like this is just Mayor Bass. First off, inside safe. I like to say inside safe makes all of us outside unsafe. The reality is, no matter how many beds you give these people, they are on super meth, they are on fentanyl. The DEA statistics says 93% of this is a drug addiction problem. Nithya. Councilwoman Robins plan for treatment first. I will go below the Harbor Freeway tomorrow with her and we can find some of these people she's going to offer treatment for. She's going to get stabbed in the neck. These people do not want a bed. They want fentanyl or super meth. These ideas cost us over $400 million to house. What did you say? 3,000 people for 400 million is an absolute failure for both of them. They're a team.

[Councilmember Bremen]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

Councilmember rahman, you have 30 seconds to respond. I just.

[Councilmember Bremen]

I want to just say to everybody who's watching today, you're going to watch today as Mayor Bass and Spencer Pratt attack me because they want to run against each other in the general election. Each of them thinks that running against each other is what's going to help them win. And they don't want to run against me because my ideas, which are based on real results in my district, which are based on real data, a real analysis of the system, and a focus on accountability and using every dollar as effectively as possible, which we have done in my district. I want to take this citywide. This is why this is happening today.

[Adam Carolla]

Council Member Rahman, we're out of time. I'm going to give each of you 30 seconds to respond to this.

[Spencer Pratt]

Mr. Pratt, I'm going to start with

[Adam Carolla]

you, and then I'm going to go to Mayor Bass.

[Spencer Pratt]

First off, Mayor Bass and I are definitely not working together. I blame this person for burning my house and my parents house and my town and all my neighbors down. I am not working with Mayor Bass. Second off, if I wanted to run against anybody, it would be the council member who is terrible. Mayor Bass has at least been a mayor for almost four years and has, as she talked about earlier, the unions, all the unions endorse Mayor Bass. You think it's easier to run against the incumbent mayor with all the unions or a random city council member who's been a failure for six years? I would much rather run against Councilwoman Romon, thank you very much.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, not to take anything away from Spencer Pratt, but these two are such comic, abject failures that it's really shooting fish in a barrel. Yeah, their record is shit, the city is shit. They've done a horrible job all along the way. And I have no idea how they're even running with a straight face like, I need more time to turn this ship around. You've had fucking four years and you suck. And Rahm is the one who blames Toyota for catalytic converters being stolen. It's a fucking shit show. So this is super easy for him.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, he looks great. He looks very poised. He looks I like a man with passion. And hopefully everybody saw that Karen Bass, Trump Presser, where they were talking together and just said, hey, man, I really want. Let's just start getting stuff done. And Pratt's kind of that guy. I love the commercial he was in the other day in his trailer where he's like, this is where I live now.

[Adam Carolla]

Anybody is that guy or can be that guy. You could be that guy. Yeah. Mark Eragas could be that guy. Dr. Drew could be that guy. Like anybody, I could be that guy. I just go, what the fuck? We gotta fix this shit. Here's how we're gonna do it. It's not either one of these two. Cause they're process people and they just wanna look. Mare Bass was in Ghana. I don't know how much further away you can get from LA than Ghana. But that's where she was. Because that's where she wants to be.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I wouldn't have been attracted to going to Ghana. Not cause I'm a hero. I would just go. I don't see that's gonna help LA at all.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, that'll be. The talking point for the next month is you abandoned your city when you. Yeah. Did you see this clip at all?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Rudy Pavic]

This is great. Watch this. This is great.

[Councilmember Bremen]

I'm not sure how to respond to that vision of Los Angeles. This is a MAGA Republican's idea of what Los Angeles looks like. This is really not MAGA Republican.

[Adam Carolla]

He made a move. It's funny. Listen, you can't run on this guy likes Trump or Trump is ruining our city anymore. You can do that if your city's reasonably run and the roads are pretty good and the gas isn't 750 a gallon. I was pulling up to the Comedy Store last night and I looked up in West Hollywood or whatever and I saw gas was like 7:55 a gallon or something. You might Be able to do that if you're in a reasonably reasonable city in one of the Carolinas or something, but you're presiding over a junkie riddled shit show. And that all predated Trump. And it's all been under your watch. It's all been under the Democrats watch. So the notion that you wanna pin this on Trump and then also, let's just say. All right, Spencer Pratt's a MAGA Republican. Good. Here's what I'm saying. Who are you guys? Well, you're socialist Democrats. Progressive. Okay, let's look around. You've done a super shitty job. Homelessness problem. Everything is fucking expensive, and there's no housing and there's garbage everywhere. All right, why don't we do the furthest from that? Like, let's go as far as we can get from that. What would be the farthest we can get from you guys? And that would be a MAGA Republican. Okay, well, I'm looking for the most different we can find. That's what I'm looking for.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah. And he's getting a lot of backing. I don't know if you saw the tweet that Meghan McCain put out, but she wrote, this is not hyperbole. Spencer Pratt is the blueprint for how my generation of older millennials needs to communicate and present their ideas and campaign messaging when running for office.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavic]

And she's right. Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else you got?

[Rudy Pavic]

Mark Hamill. So Star wars actor Mark Hamill posted a photo depicting President Donald Trump as deceased on Wednesday with a caption that read, if only just days after an assassination attempt at the White House Correspondent's association dinner.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. It's sort of kind of weird when people get old and turn weirdly douchey and stuff. And especially they had this legacy and everything. I don't care about Star wars like other people do, but I get. A lot of people do feel like the message has been put out to him that this stuff's getting dangerous and people are shooting at him. But also, it's such a. The conceit is really weird. It's like, he's so dangerous. He's ending a lot of wars. He's working hard on lowering taxes and, like, you know, no taxes on tips. And you can use experimental drugs if you're on your deathbed and psychedelics if you have PTSD or whatever. Like, I don't know what's bad about so much of this stuff. Like, you go, he's building a ballroom. Yeah, someone else pay for the ballroom. Then we get a ballroom and then he dies. By the way, he's out of office when he's in the ballroom. Like, what? What? I don't know what you guys are experiencing. Okay. The border is 100% closed. There is no more illegal traffic coming over border. There is no cartels coming over the border. There is no kids being smuggled. There's no potential terrorists coming in through Mexico. It sealed it shut. Is that good?

[Rudy Pavic]

You would think, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, that's good. All right. He's going to build a ballroom that his rich buddies are going to pay for. Oh, okay. All right. He's shooting drug boats that are coming over from Venezuela or whatever. All right. He's taken one of the worst actors on the planet in Iran and he's ridding them of their potential nuclear bomb and fucking getting rid of the mullahs and the fucking sheikhs and ayatollahs and gonna try to bring them back to civilization in modern times. Is that such a bad thing? I don't know. I'm kind of for it. He's ended a bunch of wars abroad that are smaller things that have been going on for a long time. Okay. He wants to end tax on tips. Okay. He wants school choice. He wants school choice. Okay. He's got in Kennedy a guy who doesn't want your kid to have a 80 vaccine schedule before the third birthday and he wants to get him off the SSRIs and he wants to get the food color out of Fruit Loops. Okay. I don't know what is so dangerous. What about ice? Well, you guys left the fucking border open for four years and a whole bunch of people came into our city. There's a new story every day about illegal killing a citizen. So ICE is gonna go get them and remove them. Yeah. Okay. Okay. When does the danger kick in is what I'm saying is Iran not having a nuke? Is that dangerous? I don't know where the danger is. This tweet also comes days after Mark posts a video with Obama, who wants to tone down the rhetoric. Obama's. It's sad that Obama turned to a piece of shit, but he's just a fucking hustler like everybody else. He's not done anything good in or out of office except for agitate black people and to pretend to be some sort of statesman. But anyway. Oh, we have a clip. Sorry. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Happy Star Wars Day from the Obama Presidential Center. I have a very good feeling about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope has.

[Ari Shafir]

Mark, I'm glad you are here. I want to tell you about someone.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, hold on a second. Hope this. Hope of a new home.

[Rudy Pavic]

No. What did that say? Hope a new home has.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope a new home has. Oh, I want to tell everyone with graphics. Slow it the fuck down. Yeah, you're in the edit bay. You've read it 27 times and you're bored. I haven't. I'm a little. A little slow.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I cannot tell you how many times I've sit home with a remote, go, what now? Remind.

[Show Announcer]

What?

[Commercial Voice 3]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Because they just go boom, boom. And like, I am not. I don't have that kind. I'm not Evelyn Wood.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't know Evelyn Wood.

[Rudy Pavic]

I don't know Evelyn Wood, but I'm agreeing with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Look up Evelyn Wood.

[Rudy Pavic]

I think sometimes there's like a timing thing. It's supposed to be like 0.7 seconds is how long they want you to. Because your brain can pick it up and you don't have to stop. But it seems like everybody wants to go faster than that.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's also weird because we don't know it's Yoda talk yet.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yes, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. So. Home.

[Ari Shafir]

New.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Oh, new home.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm glad you are here. I want to tell you about the someone. Okay. A young person born into ordinary circumstances, but restless, unsatisfied. A kid with big dreams, A bit of a rebel.

[Adam Carolla]

I like where this is going.

[Ari Shafir]

They join a scrappy group of underdogs and set out to change things by

[Adam Carolla]

blowing up a giant space laser mark.

[Ari Shafir]

This is not about you. As wonderful as you are, this is about them. This isn't a monument to my legacy. It's a gateway to yours. The Obama Presidential center is much more than a museum.

[Adam Carolla]

Girls dreaming got a dream built to

[Ari Shafir]

empower you to come together, get inspired, and become a force for change.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you could have parents that raised you. Yeah, you could do the parents. You could have parents that were intact and a mom and a dad, and then they could instill values upon you. And you wouldn't have to go to a presidential library.

[Rudy Pavic]

It's one thing if you want to get in a video with President Obama, but to post a depiction of a man laying dead, especially a guy who's already had assassination attempts on him. It seems a little unhinged.

[Adam Carolla]

It was weird before you sort of hit send Evelyn Wood. Evelyn Wood. Andrew was who so. So that Rudy could go, oh, wow,

[Rudy Pavic]

was she Legally Blonde?

[Adam Carolla]

Evelyn Wood. No, that's a different word. That's Elwood.

[Rudy Pavic]

Thank you. I was like, didn't go anywhere. But Evelyn Wood, vintage fashion house.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Rudy Pavic]

Evelyn Wood, American educator and business person.

[Ari Shafir]

Read it.

[Rudy Pavic]

Widely known for popularizing speed reading, although she preferred the phrase dynamic reading.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah. Oh, my. Evelyn Wood. It's weird knowing everything. Yeah, but I surround myself with people don't know anything, so then it just becomes a long explanation. But not you, Rudy. That's an age thing.

[Rudy Pavic]

You're right. No, no, no. Evelyn would be able to read that if you'd slow it down.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Rudy Pavic]

Down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Rudy Pavic]

How you do that with a.

[Adam Carolla]

You.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else?

[Rudy Pavic]

So we watched this video, but, man. This is. New York firefighter faces charges for using water cannon to blast cat out of a tree.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Rudy Pavic]

This was. This video is. Is a little unnerving.

[Adam Carolla]

He's spraying it. It's 30ft up.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He's spraying. The cat.

[Councilmember Bremen]

Whoop.

[Rudy Pavic]

And there the cat gets blown out of the tree. It's blown out of the tree.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it make it to the shrub or does it just hit the lawn?

[Rudy Pavic]

It must hit the lawn. The way the trajectory looks, it looks like it hits the lawn, but. Yeah, it looks like it hits the lawn. It doesn't quite. Unless it rolls to the shrubs.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't see it on the ground.

[Rudy Pavic]

Maybe it rolled to the shrub. Rolls to the shrubs. It's weird that he's being fake charged with. Oh, you're right, it must have. Cause she starts running past the shrub. So it must have rolled.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Rudy Pavic]

But it's weird that he's being charged with it. I totally get that. He's the one manning the water cannon. But there's one other firefighter. There's two people on the ground that are holding, I guess a net or a sheet to be able to catch the cat. And then you can hear people going, yes, yes, yes. Like this is working. And then all of a sudden, cat goes blasting on a tree, blows all nine lives and one fall.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, all right. He's being charged.

[Rudy Pavic]

Charged. Yeah. Cause the cat is dead. Yeah. So he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, fucking. Who cares about dead cats? Number one, like, we gotta get the fuck over this. Number one with the pets. But number two, the cat's up in the tree. Whose cat is.

[Rudy Pavic]

Was a woman that called the.

[Adam Carolla]

Go get your fucking cat, bitch. Or, you know, shit can happen. Because I don't. You can wait until the cat comes down. But the cat was probably trapped. It's probably one, but you're gonna have to. There ain't no 30 foot ladder that can just lean up against the tree. You're gonna put a human Being in danger if they gotta go up after the cat. Plus the cat may not agree with the person that is trying to get them off the branch.

[Rudy Pavic]

Oh yeah, look at all that.

[Adam Carolla]

May fight the person. So. So we're gonna have to figure out a way to get the cat down. Now water is a sensible idea for that, but if the cat is gripping, then you have to kind of hit it directly. And it's kind of the fault of the people with the net. Cause they stood directly under this cat and the cat is being blown at a 45 degree angle. I'm sorry, but you gotta compensate a little for cat wind direction.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you've ever been hit with one of those hoses before or ever hit. You ever been hit with like a power washer?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know what? Power washers. A little after my time. Also, if any of my friends owned a power washer, it would have been the most expensive things their family owned. And it probably would have been stolen by another friend. Sure. Yeah. So that's how that would have worked. But so anyway, look, there is, you know, there's a part of the law which is just sort of act of God, you know, it's just like, look, no one's gonna get punished here. Cause this just shit happens. Cat goes up in a tree. These fucking guys aren't paid to go get your fucking cat, by the way. They're not even trained to go get your cat. And everybody seemed to sound off on. Everyone seemed to sign off on this technique for getting the cat. So leave a guy alone.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah. Anytime I hear people yelling in agreeance with the firefighter who's got the hose out, it totally should be fine. Yeah. I don't know if you saw that a judge apologized.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be a little tough if this guy gets fired though, because like

[Rudy Pavic]

it's already got fired.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's already fired.

[Rudy Pavic]

Already fired? Yeah, he's already fired and being charged. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, well, sorry I missed the fired part. I don't even know if that was in there.

[Rudy Pavic]

I didn't mention that part. No, but he is being tried. Yes, I would have.

[Adam Carolla]

See, my thing is like, you gotta adjudicate this thing and see if he's innocent or guilty. Don't just fire him. Because also there's gotta be some point where like firefighters always have kids. One thing they have is kids. No such things. Firefighter died, gay, no kids. It's always. He left, you know, he left behind. Tell you what he left behind.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah. They would put A childless gay firefighter in. Before Adam Carolla into the fire department.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. But that's always. He left behind.

[Rudy Pavic]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, but at some point, his kids are gonna be at a party somewhere, and there's gonna be another kid, little older, the party somewhere, and then they're gonna start talking and. Where are you from? It's a New York area. Oh, yeah. My dad was just a firefighter there. And then the one guy's gonna go, yeah. You know, he's not a firefighter anymore. What happened? He went to that first tower, man. He was there, and they told him to clear the building, and he went up, and that's the last we heard. We haven't ever found a spot. What about your dad? There was this cat, and I don't know if my dad was drinking, but he thought it'd be a good idea to spray the cap of the hose out of the. Anyway, he's not a fireman anymore either, so.

[Rudy Pavic]

And then the third guy will chime in and go, my dad was at 9, 11 as well, went into the first tower and then said this. And now he's an insurance salesman. Yeah, he split hightail that. He's. That was the way to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He went in, he stole some office equipment. So I grabbed a printer and he

[Rudy Pavic]

left the Target looting in Minneapolis with firefighters, with printers, and threw a color

[Adam Carolla]

copier over his shoulder and said, we're going home. And he took off.

[Rudy Pavic]

Follow me.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Thursday, 14th, Covina Laugh Factory, special guest that'll blow your mind. Friday, Visalia at the Fox Theater. And then Saturday, Modesto at the State Theater. And then the 24th, Costa Mesa, California, Westwood Coast. Go to amcroll.com for all the live stuff. Rudy, what do you got?

[Rudy Pavic]

I'll be with you Sunday, May 24, in Costa Mesa. And then this coming week, Thursday through Saturday, you can catch me at Loons on the Lake Festival in Minneapolis.

[Adam Carolla]

So till next time, Adam Krolfar, Ari Shafir, and Rudy Pavic. Sam, Mahala, you can leave us a

[Show Announcer]

voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see the Ace man at AdamCarolla.com.

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[Adam Carolla]

Ugh.

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[Adam Carolla]

What? Why?

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[Ari Shafir]

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