EP. 320: It’s Never Too Late: Reinventing Life with Emily Ransdell

Summary

Podcast Summary

ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka

Episode 320: It’s Never Too Late: Reinventing Life with Emily Ransdell
Release Date: February 19, 2025

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Overview

This episode features Emily Ransdell, a former tech marketer who completely reinvented her life in her late 50s by turning to poetry and teaching. Tracy Otsuka, the show's host, and Emily discuss late-in-life ADHD diagnosis, embracing strengths, processing shame, reinvention, and finding new purpose after retirement. The episode focuses on how ADHD can serve as a source of creativity and renewal, stressing that it’s never too late to pursue a passionate, meaningful life.

“No one ever made a difference by being too little.”
— Tracy Otsuka (00:54)

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Emily’s ADHD Diagnosis Story

• Early Years:
  • Grew up in a chaotic, disorganized household (06:00), now recognizes ADHD tendencies in her mother.
  • Lack of structure and self-care routines; “I didn't know what dental floss was… I had, like, 24 fillings” (07:05).
• Early Adulthood:
  • Struggled with routines, punctuality, and organization in college and career (08:33).
  • Developed deep shame over messiness and lack of domestic skills, amplified by comparison to “good girl” standards (09:11, 23:34).
• Hints and Missed Diagnoses:
  • Early counseling focused on depression; ADHD not considered due to stereotypes (15:16).
  • “In the 90s… we associated [ADHD] with little hyperactive boys” (16:46).
  • A doctor first raised the possibility of ADHD in her late 30s but she did not pursue it further due to stigma and lack of recognition in women (17:02).
• Catalyst for Diagnosis:
  • Husband’s severe illness triggered overwhelming anxiety and inability to recover, prompting therapy where ADHD was finally identified (18:35).
  • “Like, the first day I took Adderall, it was like my life started over” (16:06).

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2. Forgiveness, Shame, and Sharing Diagnosis

• Processing Family Dynamics:
  • Understanding her mother’s struggles helped Emily begin the process of forgiving her (22:44).
  • “She did do the best she could. And guess what? So did I.” (23:02)
• Sharing with Daughter:
  • Emily has not yet shared her diagnosis with her daughter due to lingering shame, but Tracy encourages her to do so (24:13–27:11).
  • “Wouldn't that give your daughter more answers around maybe some of the quirky things you did?” (24:43)

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3. Reinvention After Retirement

• Making the Leap:
  • Retired at 59 to pursue poetry and started a master’s in creative writing (27:29).
  • Attended a conference, and encouragement from others and her husband prompted her to enroll in a writing program (31:46).
  • “I was creative and I did some great things, but I knew I was working against myself, not to my strengths a lot of the time” (29:28).
• Parallel Growth:
  • Getting diagnosed and starting treatment coincided with reinvention; gave her structure and purpose (34:34).
• Role Model:
  • Now sees herself as a role model for reinvention and for approaching retirement as an opportunity, not an end (35:41).

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4. The Transformative Power of Purpose and Passion

• Alignment and Acceleration:
  • Once she found her path, forward progression was rapid and rewarding:

    “I was pushing a rock my whole life, and now maybe the rock was behind me, pushing me” (35:55).

  • Publishing her poetry book brought validation—despite initial doubts about age and relevance (37:16–37:43).
• Emotional Processing Through Art:
  • Poetry becomes a means for self-therapy and emotional understanding (50:22).
  • “Sometimes you have to tell a story your entire life to get it right.” —Emily Ransdell (49:19)

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5. ADHD Strengths in Creativity and Resilience

• Creativity & Sensitivity:
  • ADHD-fueled creativity, insight, and sensitivity are key to her success as a poet (45:58).
• Coping with Rejection:
  • Writing and publishing poetry repeatedly exposed her to rejection; she credits her ADHD journey with building resilience (38:12; 45:41).
  • “Your job is not to get published. Your job is to write.” (39:19)
• Living Authentically:
  • Late ADHD diagnosis allowed her to shed perfectionism and fear of not measuring up (48:01–49:05).

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6. Advice for Reinventing Life with ADHD (Especially in Retirement)

• “If there is a passion that you’ve had on the back burner, just start dialing that burner up…” (41:03)
• Take classes, experiment, get into action—action dispels fear (41:52).
• Even volunteering or trying new hobbies can spark meaning and fulfillment.

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7. Managing ADHD Day-to-Day

• Emily’s mantra: “beginning, middle, and end” to structure tasks and build small daily successes (50:46).
• “Success breeds success. So for me, one good day makes me want to create another good day.” (50:46)
• The shift from focusing on flaws to honoring small wins.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the impact of diagnosis:

  “Everything I read, everything I learned was like looking into a mirror. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This makes sense now.”
  —Emily Ransdell (21:03, paraphrased)

• On embracing strengths:

  “Our goal is purely to become more of who we really are. And when we do that, the shame dissipates and literally the sky's the limit.”
  —Tracy Otsuka (27:11)

• On reinventing life after 59:

  “I am so, so grateful that all this coincided, because I feel like I’m kind of a role model for my younger friends now, who were and are kind of afraid to retire. I’m as busy as ever, but in a good way.”
  —Emily Ransdell (34:34)

• Poetry as therapy:

  “Sometimes you have to tell a story your entire life to get it right.”
  —Emily Ransdell, poem excerpt (49:19)

• On fear and action:

  “Just get into action. Right? Because when you get into action, the fear goes away because you can’t have fear and action at the same time.”
  —Tracy Otsuka (41:52)

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Important Timestamps

• ADHD in the media vs. women: 00:05–01:30
• Emily’s background & how she found the podcast: 02:30–04:59
• ADHD diagnosis and family history: 05:13–09:11
• College struggles & early relationships: 09:11–12:17
• Difference, friendship, and rejection: 12:17–14:13
• Missed diagnosis and stigma: 16:16–17:14
• Catalyst for diagnosis (husband’s illness): 18:35–21:03
• Forgiveness and mother/daughter dynamics: 22:44–25:15
• Reinvention at 59—career shift: 27:29–31:46
• Master’s program and further growth: 31:46–33:11
• Influence of diagnosis on creativity: 34:34–37:00
• Publishing and resilience: 37:00–39:19
• Poetry reading by Emily: 49:19–50:22
• Advice for success with ADHD: 50:46–52:33

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Finding More & Additional Resources

• Emily Ransdell’s poetry collection:
  One Finch Singing — available via Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or independent bookstores
• Website: emilyransdell.com

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Final Takeaways

• It’s never too late to pivot, pursue your old passions, or reinvent your life, especially as a woman with ADHD.
• Understanding and embracing your ADHD can remove years of shame and open doors to creativity, fulfillment, and self-acceptance—even after decades of “pushing a rock uphill.”
• Action and authenticity breed success and meaning—at any age.

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Transcript

[Tracy Otsuka]

Richard Branson, Michael Phelps, Justin Timberlake, James Carville. Wait a minute. Where are the women? Greta Gerwig, Lisa Ling, Audra McDonald, Simone files. That sounds like a list of highly successful titans in a variety of industries. They all have adhd, but you don't hear hear much about that now, do you? You know what else you don't hear about are the 43% of people with ADHD who are in excellent mental health. Why aren't we talking about them and what they're doing right? I'm your host, Tracy Adsuka, and that's exactly what we do here. I'm a lawyer, not a doctor, a lifelong student, and now the author of my new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. I'm also a certified ADHD coach and the creator of youf ADHD Brain is okay. A patented system that helps ADHD women just like you get unstuck and fall in love with their brilliant brains. Here we embrace our too muchness, and we focus on our strengths. My guests and I credit our ADHD for some of our greatest gifts. And to those who still think they're too much, too impulsive, too scattered, too disorganized, I say no one ever made a difference by being too little. This podcast has no sponsors, just free content for ADHD brains like yours. But if you want more, here's how. If your ADHD brain feels like an enemy right now, that's because no one ever taught you how to work with it. But that changes today. Join my you ADHD Brain is AOK Academy and start making ADHD your advantage. For more information, information, find the link in the first line of this episode's description. Now let's get on with the show. Hello, hello, hello. I am your host, Tracy Atsuka. Thank you so much for joining me here for another episode of ADHD for Smartass Women. You know, my purpose is always to show you who you are and then inspire you to be it. In the thousands of ADHD women that I've had the privilege of meeting, I've never met a one, not one that wasn't truly brilliant at something. So, of course, I am just delighted to introduce you to Emily Ransdell. And I want to tell you a little bit about how this came about. So if you've been listening to me, you know that in my New Year's podcast, I think we called it Set Intentions, not Resolutions. It was all about choosing a word, which I do every single year. In fact, I got my bracelet. I got my bracelet with my word yesterday. And my word is 1 million. My. My goal is to reach 1 million women this year, whether it's through the podcast, whether it's through blends, whether it's through my book or trainings, whatever. One million women. And so I thought it was a hoot. I put 1 million. And then I got. And his bracelet. It's one of those ones where they. They make the diamonds. It's not a. It's not a blood diamond. So, anyway, I threw out. When I was talking in that podcast, which we're now in our sixth year, I threw out. I wonder if anyone's still listening who started out with me back then. And I had a number of women that reached out to me, a couple that we're going to have on the podcast. And we are going to start out with Emily, because she reached out and she told me that. Yeah, I've been listening since the beginning. So let me introduce Emily to you, first of all. Emily, welcome. So you are a former tech marketer who retired at the age of 59. I love these reinvention stories, especially for us. Right, and you retired at age 59 into a new life as an author and teacher. I kind of did the same thing. At age 60, she embarked on a master's degree in creative writing and. And has since published her first poetry collection, which won the Lewis Award from Concrete wolf Press in 2022. Emily regularly publishes in literary journals, gives public readings, and offers writing workshops through a community art center in Manzanita, Oregon. She's also an amateur ceramist with a potter's wheel in her garage, and she listens to the ADHD for Smartass Women podcast while throwing pots. So, Emily, did I get all of that right?

[Emily Ransdell]

Indeed you did.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Wonderful. So since you've been listening since the beginning, you know what our M.O. is around here. I want to hear about your ADHD diagnosis story, and then we can talk about all the other stuff that you do.

[Emily Ransdell]

Oh, that's okay. Great. And I want to tell you what my word is for the year. It is consistency, because I feel like I know a lot, and I just want to keep. So, okay, here. Well, here's a little bit about me and my whole story. Gosh, I grew up in a really messed up, dysfunctional household. I'm an only child of a mother who now I can see, I think suffered from ADHD and God knows what else. But our house was chaos. I mean, clutter everywhere, piles of magazine paper, mails, unpaid bills, overflowing ashtrays, dust, dirt. No, you name it. Dishes. You know, no routine for anything. And, like, here's an example. Getting dressed for school, literally, it meant going down to the laundry room and rummage around the clean clothes that were piled up and spilling out of the dryer. But dinner on a good night would be like Hamburger Helper and macaroni and cheese if there was a clean pan. And she was always working, which night? Anyway, when I was growing up, I thought she just didn't have time. But of course, now I see a lot more in it. But for me, the result was. Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Can I ask you, Emily, what kind of work did she do?

[Emily Ransdell]

She was a newspaper editor and writer.

[Tracy Otsuka]

This is a bright woman.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes. Oh, yeah. Very bright. Very bright. You got that.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Did you have a dad who lived in the house?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Okay. And was she responsible for all of the domestic arts?

[Emily Ransdell]

Of course.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Oh, well, no wonder, because it was.

[Emily Ransdell]

The 50s and early 60s, and my dad had a mom who did everything. As a matter of fact, one time he told me that he. He actually called her because he couldn't understand why my mom. Why his wife wasn't. Couldn't do it all, you know, because he just didn't. He just thought, that's what the wife does. And I didn't know how to do anything. I didn't learn how to do anything. There were no real routines. And listen, I didn't even know how to really take care of myself. I didn't know what dental floss was. The first time I went to the dentist was the summer before I went to Colle, and I had, like, 24 fillings. I spent that whole summer, like, going to the dentist to get. I mean, it's lucky I have teeth. God.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Both your parents were home. So when you say that, it was just chaos. They were a loving family, loving parents.

[Emily Ransdell]

Maybe chaos is too strong of a word.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I thought you were talking trauma.

[Emily Ransdell]

No. Well, I feel like that is a kind of trauma, but. Yeah, but it wasn't that big T trauma. Big T trauma. It was just insidious little stuff that was like. Basically, though, I just didn't know how to do anything. And I got to college, and as I think I have heard on your podcast and elsewhere that, like, going to college can often be a point where all the support that you used to have is suddenly gone. And you're not all that grown up yet anyway, so that is. My life was just overwhelmed. I just. I had no idea how to create a routine to study. I only wanted to study the things I liked, of course. And I nearly failed multiple classes and more than Once I had to go begging the professor in tears just for a D. You know, it usually worked.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Were you in the science or maths or something you didn't really care about or was it even in the writing classes?

[Emily Ransdell]

I was a freshman, so there were basic, as I recall, requirements to take. And I do remember math. The math one was the one that I distinctly remember being in that guy's office and crying because I just did not have a clue what he was talking about. And it was even like math for poets or something, you know, it was even the dumb math. But you had to have one math course.

[Tracy Otsuka]

But did you have problems with math before? Was it just you are at A level now with other kids and so were your grades good in high school?

[Emily Ransdell]

They weren't bad, but the expectations weren't that high either. Yeah, and I liked geometry because it was conceptual, it wasn't real numbers, it was A and B and triangles and stuff. Actually algebra was too to me, but that is all I took. I only took the minimum in high school and then the plan was just to take this minimum in college. So I, from the get go, struggled to keep up in things I did not like. And every now and then I'd find I like something that was out of my, you know, I'd surprise myself. I liked art history. I liked art history a lot. So anyway, I still sometimes will have dreams that I like forgot to go to class and now I've got an F, stuff like that, so. But luckily while I was in college, I did meet a man who loved me. And from him I learned you're supposed to make your bed, you occasionally sweep the kitchen floors, you know. And so thanks to him, my adult life began. And you know, I functioned, I got by, but I found it so hard and I really did not, I did not understand why I was always late. I had a terrible time getting up in the morning and getting going. I would lose track of times. I was late to meetings, I couldn't organize my calendar, my files, you know, all that. And even though I, you know, I quote succeeded in my job, it took so much to succeed to, you know, and then I had my daughter and that really, you know, there's so much more then.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And I want to go back to who you were as a child. What were you like?

[Emily Ransdell]

I find that one. I knew you'd ask that because you always do. But I find that one hard. I think I was. Well, I was alone a lot because I was an only child. And I was very good at imaginative play. You Know, and making up stuff and being in my head, and I'd have a whole world going in my head.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Did you have problems in school? So was school hard for you? And then, I want to know, what about friendships?

[Emily Ransdell]

School was sometimes hard, but I was also really driven to be a good girl. So getting the approval of the good grade and taking the good grade home to my dad and all that was important to me. I was not in the top tier of anything, but I was, you know, I was okay. I did okay. Now, friendships. That is interesting that you would ask that, because I now look back and know that I was really needy. And I believe that I pushed, even as an adult, I pushed some people away because I wanted, wanted, wanted from them. And I also always felt different. And I never could put my finger on exactly why or how, but I was not the same.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Did you have a best friend?

[Emily Ransdell]

I did. I had a best friend. But, you know, what started to happen was like, elementary school, middle school, everything was really cool. But then my best friend got a boyfriend and I didn't. And, you know, it was then. Then it all really escalated. Not only am I different, I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. And all that crap escalated in my mind. Eventually that friend really, really ditched me. In fact, she did that mean girl thing of shunning she. And she got a couple other girls to shun me. And all of a sudden, I, like, did not exist. And they would look away, you know, it was pretty brutal.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I'm so sorry to hear that. And as you're talking, I'm thinking, you know, we have this intensity. I mean, obviously not all of us, but I seem to see it in most women that I talk to with adhd. And we don't, like. Tell me if this is you. We typically don't like groups. No, we need that one to one. And so I can see that your best friend goes and gets a boyfriend and she wants to spend obviously some of her time, maybe even most of her time with him. Right. And then that would feel like you lose that one to one connection. And so you probably get needier. Right, because we're intense. And then they don't know how to handle it and it just blows up and you don't know how to talk about it with them.

[Emily Ransdell]

Interesting you'd say that. I didn't realize that would be an ADHD thing. I thought my aversion to groups was because I was an only child, but I definitely have that. I can't. I'm uncomfortable in A group. I like to be one on one.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I completely relate to that. And it's getting worse or better. Whichever way you see it, it's getting worse as I get older. Because I did not mind groups before. I preferred. I didn't know it, but I preferred one to one because we're so intense. We just want to get into the depths of things. Right. Which is much easier if it's one to one versus sitting there and waiting for your turn. And if you disagree with what someone says, I can be very blunt.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And then it's like. I mean, I remember literally hearing that from when I was in groups of girls, you know, like. And it was like, well, I just said what you all are thinking, so stop it. You know? But it wasn't socially acceptable that I was calling something out that was actually happening.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And of course, like you, I didn't realize it at the time, but now I do. Did it get better, though? Once you got into college or as an adult, did you start to figure all this out or was it. You really didn't figure it out until you were diagnosed?

[Emily Ransdell]

Interestingly, I had a hint. I had struggled with and tried to reach out for help, but didn't know what to reach out for. I had one counseling deal, you know, with, okay, it's depression. And I went on some antidepressants. And the counseling, the therapy just wasn't. It just didn't really get to it. And.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And did the medication even work?

[Emily Ransdell]

I don't think so. I don't really think so.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I.

[Emily Ransdell]

It's. That's been a long time ago now. I just know that I didn't keep up with that. And because I don't keep up with things, and consistency is my word for this year.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I believe that if that medication really made a difference. Yeah, you absolutely would. Because we all want to feel better.

[Emily Ransdell]

Absolutely. Yeah. Like, the first day I took Adderall, it was like my life started over kind of thing. Yes, you're totally right.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Most of the time. You probably don't forget that.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes. Well, then another time, several years later, I was seeing another doctor who I was kind of really liked, and I started. I don't know what I said. That was revealing. And he just kind of. Did you ever think you might have adhd? I really don't remember what I said. And that time I started looking at. Into it a little bit, but it was still a thing, was the 90s, and it was still a thing that we associated with little hyperactive boys. And I don't know I felt there was probably some stigma or something, so I didn't really look into it that much. Then I looked into it enough to go, oh, my mom had that.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And not knowing that, oh, well, if my mom had it, there's a fairly good chance I have it too.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes. So I pushed that rock for many years.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And how old would you have been approximately when that doctor said that, and my hat is off to that doctor in the 90s, I think I was probably 36.

[Emily Ransdell]

Between 36 and 40, because thinking about the years of working and having a child, and even though I had a very great, supportive husband, it was just overwhelming. My word of that decade was overwhelm, probably.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And so were you beating your. Yourself up?

[Emily Ransdell]

Always. Every day. Always, Always. And I think because of my childhood home life, of this, all this shame about how dirty and, you know, messy and everything it was, my 10. My clutter became a real source of shame for me. And like, every time I would go into my bathroom vanity and see it just. I was, you know, it was yet another, oh, you can't do anything. You know, you can't even keep your dang counter clean. You know. But you want me to tell you how I finally got diagnosed for real? My husband very suddenly became very ill. He got. He contracted mrsa. And if you've ever heard, that can go very fast. And so, I mean, he went from I don't feel very good to practic to dying kind of in front of me. And he, of course he did recover, but I could not recover. I just. I could not. My anxiety could. I just could not manage it. I could not stop ruminating on the things I saw. The, you know, the feeling that. I don't know, I just couldn't. I could not. You know that I think that's a definition of PTSD post, you know, when you can't stop thinking about something.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I'm wondering if the anxiety was about. Is your husband neurotypical?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And he does a lot.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Okay. Because I have this. The thought of, oh, my gosh, if something happened to him.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes. And it is.

[Tracy Otsuka]

You know, when we were first married, my husband had a tia, which is a stroke like, event that clears usually like weightlifters. Get it? Like athletes. And from that time on, I already had the anxiety. I had the anxiety around my mom, if anything were ever to happen with my mom when I was in, like, second grade, first grade. But the anxiety then around my husband, it got even worse. And then he. The same thing. He got sepsis and he almost died. He was given last rites, and so now I'm even worse. He was like the cat with nine lives. These things happen, and he just bounces right back. But, you know, he's so healthy and really, you know, constantly working out and all that. But I wonder with you if that was part of it, the anxiety of if I'm left. Oh, my gosh. He's my scaffolding.

[Emily Ransdell]

Right. I'm sure. Yes. I didn't want to admit that, but yes.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Oh, I admit it all the time. It's like, oh, my gosh, it's like we're. We're gonna get rid of this big house that we're in because, oh, my gosh, if something happens to him, my God, you know, it's six and a half acres, like, the amount of work.

[Emily Ransdell]

Exactly.

[Tracy Otsuka]

It will be done. And that makes me so anxious.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes. That's good. That's really good, though, to admit it. And it's not even admitting. It's acknowledging. Admitting sounds like there's something. It's something wrong. It's just acknowledging. And I'm finally kind of catching on to that. So I did. I did seek a psychologist at that point and started out with antidepressant again.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Again.

[Emily Ransdell]

But very quickly.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And not anti anxiety meds. They started you right out with antidepressants. So you. So you. Were you in a depression? I mean, they obviously must have thought you were.

[Emily Ransdell]

Well, I think I was. I think. How can you divide all. All those feelings up? I was everything. I was depressed. I just couldn't see what I would become. You're absolutely right. And that whole ruminating thing about he almost died. He almost died. Oh, my God. You know, when you talk to a psychologist, this is my first time in pretty real therapy, and dang, they get right to it. You know, they get to stuff you. I thought I was here for this. And all of a sudden it was like, no, you really sound like you have adhd. If I didn't know better. And so I remembered that earlier, doctor, and said, well, this has been told to me before. And so we went through the questionnaires and all that, and I went to a psych nurse and went through a whole bunch of more questionnaires. And it was by then on my craving for information, there was content out there. There was that book by Sari Soldan. I don't know if I'm saying her name right. Yeah. Which I devoured. And then I found your podcast and. Yeah. And I got on some medication, and all of a sudden, everything I read, everything I learned was like looking into a mirror. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This makes sense now. This makes sense now. My mother's struggles made sense now. And then I. It's like it crossed my mind that, oh, my God, I am like her. And then that made me think, well, if I admit that, that means I have to try to forgive her for all the things I hold against her. And I'm, by the way, not exactly there yet, but it's on the. It's on the table. It's hard, you know, It's a long process.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Yeah. She did the best she could do, given what she had to, right?

[Emily Ransdell]

She did. And she's gone now. And I. Gosh, she did do the best she could. And guess what? So did I.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So can I ask you how have you done things differently with your daughter? Have you done things differently with your daughter?

[Emily Ransdell]

Well, I was definitely a really around for her because my mom, you know, I'd be home alone after school. They would come home. They worked together at this newspaper. They would come home and slap some dinner together, and often they'd go back and I'd be at home alone at night. So I was very conscious of being around. I'm not really sure. I don't know how to answer that. I hope I did enough, Tiffer. I hope I did enough.

[Tracy Otsuka]

You did do enough. So if your daughter is feeling unsafe in any way, she's gonna come to you?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah, I think so.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Yeah. So you did?

[Emily Ransdell]

I think so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mentioned to you in my note, I haven't told her about this journey I'm on, and I don't really understand why, you know, so I haven't told. Told her. Do I. I should? Because I think she would understand. I think she would. She probably already knows it. She's smart.

[Tracy Otsuka]

How long ago was it?

[Emily Ransdell]

Was it my diagnosis?

[Tracy Otsuka]

Yeah.

[Emily Ransdell]

About seven years ago, I think.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Seven years ago. Okay. So is it because there's still shame around it for you?

[Emily Ransdell]

Well, it must be. It must be. Although, you know, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and I do tell people sometimes. Now, I don't want to be one of those people who uses it as kind of an excuse, you know, for things, but it's an explanation.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And I want you to think about this. You just said now that you understand that your mother had adhd, you are. You're much further along as far as forgiving her, right? She did the best that she could do. So given that, wouldn't that give your daughter more answers around maybe Some of the quirky things you did that she didn't understand. And are you sure your daughter doesn't have adhd? Because it's a spectrum, Right?

[Emily Ransdell]

It is a spectrum.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And maybe that also helps her understand herself a little bit better because she may have, I don't know, just the good qualities of ADHD right now. Right. But then she gets into perimenopause and.

[Emily Ransdell]

All the other stuff can happen. Yeah, I don't think so. I have thought of that. I understand there's like a 50% probability or likelihood. I don't think so. But I'm. I am not sure. She is. She's very driven and focused and. Yeah, possibly. Oh, here's one. Yeah, maybe she does. She also only we always talked about how if she liked the teacher, she did well.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Oh, yeah. You know what you should do? Give her my book.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And tell her to read it and ask her, what do you think? And don't say anything more. Before we dive back in. A quick reminder, your brain is not disordered. The problem is no one ever gave you its manual. But I can and I will. Your ADHD brain is a. Ok. Academy is my study, step by step, patented program to help you figure it all out. Click the link in the first line of this episode's description to learn more or book a discovery call. Now let's get back to the show.

[Emily Ransdell]

I might do that. It's not your book. It's on my coffee table. I can look right over at it right now. I might do that.

[Tracy Otsuka]

This is now a big part of your life, Right? It literally what you said is the minute you discovered that, it was like, oh my gosh, my whole life. Makes sense.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So why wouldn't you want to share this diagnosis with your daughter? You have a really close relationship. I think it could be even closer because that's a big part of you that you're not sharing with her.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And our goal is purely to become more of who we really are. And when we do that, the shame dissipates and literally the sky's the limit for us. I mean, look at what you did. Completely reinventing yourself at 59. Was it 59?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes, it was. Yes.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And so I can't imagine that your daughter isn't so proud of her mom.

[Emily Ransdell]

I know she is. I know she is. Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So I want to know. I'm always interested in this too. What made you decide? I'll share with you. So my decision for I need to do something different, I need to do something more, was literally, I'M gonna try not to cry when I say this. I wanted my kids to be proud of me.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I did not want them to think. And I don't know why I would think they wouldn't be proud of me, but I wanted them to be even more proud of me. And maybe it wasn't pride as much as I wanted to be a role model that, no, I am not riding off to the sun into the sunset when I hit my 50s. Right. And, you know, retiring. I want to do something that has impact, that really makes a difference in other people's lives. And so that's literally what drove all of this. And once I found out about adhd, because I didn't know how. Right. What was I going to do once I found out about adhd? That was when it just became so clear that I'm so passionate about this. This is the vehicle that I can use. So I'm curious with you how that decision came about.

[Emily Ransdell]

You know, I think that I knew I wasn't living the life I was meant to lead. I always said, I don't regret that life because I made a decent income. We saved. You know, we're well set. We're well set. So I'm able to do this now. So there is that. That. There's no mistake there. But yet I. Even when I announced my retirement through the corporate email, I said in my email, I'm going to focus on writing and see if I can do it. Because I had been sort of a poet, you know, in my college days, and I knew I was pretty good at it. I sent that email out, and right away someone called me, and she said, do you know someone, you know, who worked at the same company I'm on the board for, the Literary Arts? Did you know that they have classes? And boom, there was one door started to open, and I just. I don't know, I just knew that my job. I was creative and I did some great things, but I knew I was working against myself, not to my strengths a lot of the time. So I just. I don't know. I just knew. I just knew. Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And you were. You were just really passionate about it. And so was this something that you had been thinking about literally, for decades, since you were in college, that I want to go back and do what I was doing then?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes, definitely. And I had even tried to take some, like, community, like, writing classes, but my. And one was really fun, and I. And the second one, I had to travel too much for my job, and I couldn't keep up and so it's always been, I always said, I'm just, just, I'm a poet, I'm just not writing right now.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So that was who you were inside you. You went back to school to get a master's in creative writing. I want to know how that was because literally when this all, before this even started, that's what I did. I thought, I want to teach, I want to be a professor. And I love gender studies and women's issues. And so I went down to our local state college, right, literally five minutes from where I live, and I asked, okay, if I want to teach, can I do that here? And they told me, no, you're going to have to go to Berkeley, which would literally be like an hour and a half commute each way. And my kids were younger. No, I couldn't do that. So I had thought of the same thing. I think we just, we love to teach and however we, you know, whatever vehicle it is, once we learn, we want to share what we've learned. So what did that process look like? And was that a no brainer too? Just, you know, just sign up and go or was there some, you know, some reticence or hesitation?

[Emily Ransdell]

Well, I went. It was a low residency program, which is very common in the literary arts. You go, you go for a specific amount of time with the whole group. And then between those times it's just one on one with your advisor, back and forth over email. And so most of it is just a focused back and forth with your teacher. But they do these residencies twice a year and they, they also market them as conferences so you don't have to be a student, you can go as a conference to the conference. And I decided to go to the conference just to check it out. And you know, it was like three days into it and one of the teachers said, why aren't you in this program? And I was like, I don't know. And then I just thought, well, I'm so old, it's so expensive and all that. And I called my husband that night and he said, you have the money. And so I signed up right then. And one good thing about a low residency master's degree program is you can still have your other life. So people still had their day jobs and people of all ages are in programs like this. So I didn't feel out of place or anything. I just, it was great.

[Tracy Otsuka]

You're inspiring. You know, one of my kind of things that I thought of, I don't know if I would say it's a Goal yet is I would love to do a master's at the University of Pennsylvania in Martin Seligman's program, which is all about positive psychology. And, you know, the way they do it is you go back there for a couple weeks, and then you come back. So I think three times a year, you have to go back there for a couple weeks, and so it would be totally doable. I told my husband about it, and he's just rolling his eyes like, oh, my God, here she goes again. But you're inspiring.

[Emily Ransdell]

It's a great way to do it. And you get so filled up in those weeks that you're there, and then you bring it home and do your work. And I think it's a really, really effective concept. And you have to be driven and passionate. It's not for an undergraduate. You know, it has to be something that you really. My husband's like, well, you already write all the time. Just do this. So. And you're already thinking about firing.

[Tracy Otsuka]

He said, yeah, go do it. My husband's like, oh, my God, not one more thing.

[Emily Ransdell]

Well, tell him about me. Tracy.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I'm going to. So you mentioned that getting your diagnoses and starting treatment. Can you tell me more or tell us more about how those two milestones intertwined?

[Emily Ransdell]

I think if they hadn't intertwined, I would have entered retirement the same way I entered college. Now what. What do I do? The rug has been pulled out yet again. I don't want my. And I do. I'm sure, you know, we hear people our age talk about they're kind of afraid to retire because they don't know what they'll do with themselves. And I just. Since I had started to see a path, my path, I was like, get me out of here. I went on that path now. And so, yeah, it was. I am so, so grateful that all this coincided, because I feel like I'm kind of a role model for my younger friends now, you know, who were and are kind of afraid to retire. I'm as busy as ever, but in a good way. And. And I'm just so much, so much happier. I have purpose. I have purpose. I never think about what. Well, how am I going to. The day is just gone before you know it.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Okay, so tell our listeners how fast this happens when you're fired up and you're tapped in and, you know what you should be doing, and you're literally in love with your life.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes. Yes. I don't. How fast did it happen? I think it was a ramp, you know, that Started the day I took that first class. And the ramp just went up faster and faster. You know, it's like it became a funicular that pulled me up, I think rather than a ramp. I was pushing a rock my whole life, and now maybe the rock was behind me, pushing me. It just kept going and I graduated from that program. And so then the next big milestone, you know, starting to publish poems in magazines and get some placements and some awards and that sort of thing, and then the next big milestone was getting the book published. And that took a while. It does not usually happen overnight. And oh, my God, here comes the self doubt. You know, you're too old. It's because you write about stuff that only old people write about and all that. But then it finally happened in it. And I, you know, I'm a published author. I have a book. You know, I have a book and it's. And I'm writing and I'm gonna have another book. I just know I am.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And so back. If we bring you back to 59.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Can I ask you how old you are now?

[Emily Ransdell]

Sure. I'm 69 now.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Okay. Oh, my gosh, you look fantastic. But this is because you're in your purpose. That's right. Okay, so in 10 years, you completely transformed your life.

[Emily Ransdell]

I did.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Are you so incredibly proud of yourself?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes, I am.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And was it that hard?

[Emily Ransdell]

No. No, it wasn't. No. One thing leads to another. Like that first thing I said, I put that email out in my work and someone said, I'm on the board of a literary place. You know, just maybe that's the same way with, like, not admitting you have adhd. You know, just like, be your. Be who you are. And.

[Tracy Otsuka]

We are late bloomers. But once we figure out that sweet spot, right. That's right in the middle of. What is it that we value? Exactly. So who are we? What's important to us then? What are our strengths? And we put that in with the talents and skills. And what are we passionate about and the neighborhood that our purpose lives in. I swear, the trajectory, it's straight up and it feels effortless because you're in your joy. You're in your positive emotion now.

[Emily Ransdell]

It's. And this particular path I am on is really. It's really interesting that someone with ADHD would choose this path or it chose me. I don't know. But I do have a lot of sensitivity and rejection that I've been reading about the whole. Whatever that initial are reject art. Yeah. And I definitely have that. Well, you get a Lot of rejection because you're putting your palms out and the world and you know, they come back and say, sorry, no, we don't want this, this for our magazine. You know, and it's, it's like, why did I pick a path like this? But I, it's really helping me with, with that rejection sensitivity and the whole, am I good enough? Am I enough? And the answer, you know, is like, well, it wasn't right for that magazine, but it's going to be right for, you know, someone told me, your job is not to publish your job or your job is not to second guess the editors. Your job is to write. And the write, you know, you just, Your job is not to get published. Your job is to write. Right?

[Tracy Otsuka]

Absolutely. And to impact other people. Right, who are reading what you're writing and it is making a difference in their life.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah, I have lots of people who tell me they thought they hated poetry and then they read something I wrote. You know, I'm very down to earth and not an intellectual kind of a poet. And maybe that's why some editors didn't like it, but others will and others do. And it's a way of meeting the world that is like sometimes I'll do a reading and someone I've never met comes up and says, man, that one about your dad, I felt the same way, you know, so it's a, it's a good thing. I also like teaching and I have lots of ways to help people get out that poem about their dad or whatever, whatever it might be. Last summer I did a 10 day workshop in Italy which, with an artist. It was fabulous. And we. Oh, man, I got it, I got it going on.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So, yeah, I've heard this over and over again. I mean, I just have this attitude and I've had it my entire life. I'm never retiring. There is just too much to do. Are you kidding? I'm not wasting one day in retirement. So I think there's a lot of women out there with adhd, especially who fear boredom in retirement, but you've actually done the exact opposite. And you've completely embraced this phase of life. Not to retire, but to actually become more of who you are. What advice do you have for women approaching retirement, especially those of us with adhd?

[Emily Ransdell]

Well, if there is a passion that you've had on the back burner, just start dialing that burner up a little bit. You know, just, just dial it up a little. Take a class, test it out a little or. And some people don't have Any hobbies like that, they just experiment, take some classes, something. There's a spark to be lit in everybody. I feel lucky that I did not have that experience. I couldn't wait to try what I, you know, and other people just have to experiment and take some time and get their closets cleaned first, you know, And I think the important thing is just to worry. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Just get into action. Right? Because when you get into action, the fear goes away because you can't have fear and action at the same time. Like it, you know, it doesn't work that way. It's when you're sitting there thinking about all the things that you should be doing or want to do and not doing them, that's what creates the anxiety. It's not. It's not getting rejected as long as you jump back up after and say exactly what you said. Okay, well, it's not me. It's not my poetry. It's them who wants it next.

[Emily Ransdell]

And a lot of people volunteer. They have a project that they're committed to or an issue that they're committed to, but they've never taken the. Had the time to go, you know, volunteer something like a food bank or. A good friend of mine does that. Good. Another friend of mine, there's an organization called Dress for Success that helps. Yeah, helps people, women, get on their feet and have an interviewing outfit.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And they've been around a long time. I remember in the 80s hearing a lot about that organization. So your poetry collection won the Lewis Award from Concrete Wolf Press. I'm curious, how did ADHD impact your creative process that you were using while you were writing it, and what did that achievement mean to you? Because I know what it's like to be an author. And I don't know about you, and I like you. You release it into the world.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes, yes.

[Tracy Otsuka]

You know, I've talked to a lot of people and they're like, oh, I became so much of a better writer, and I'm just so much of a. More confident. I finished my book and I was like, oh, my God, does this suck? I think this sucks. Does this suck? It could be so much better. And so I. I hate to even want the accolades, right? Because that means I am letting other people judge my work instead of myself. But I'm just going to be honest. It wasn't until I got the first, you know, big, really good review that I was like, okay, it's not shit. And then I was, okay, I'm curious about you, how You.

[Emily Ransdell]

Well, I do remember listening to you going through the process of getting a chapter done and all that. And it was. Yeah, it is hard.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Writing's hard for me, though. It's not, obviously, for you, poetry is different, right, because it's very contained. You're doing One at a time.

[Emily Ransdell]

That's right. Some people do it more as a project. They have a theme or an arc that they want the book to follow. And I was doing One at a time Bears the Skeleton of the Book was my MFA thesis. So I did have that advantage, that the skeleton was there and it became a matter of putting enough meat on it. And I think my husband says he doesn't think I would have ever gotten it published. I would not have stuck with it. I would have gotten so disappointed by the first rejection. And so the actual writing of it was kind of done through my schooling, but making it better and sticking with it. I mean, when I look back at it now, I actually have a spreadsheet of all the poems and which ones were part of the program and which ones are since the program. And by the time it was published, probably half of them are new since then. So I probably would not have been able to keep with it the way I did. The rejection would have shut me down.

[Tracy Otsuka]

You would not have been able to keep up with it the way you did. But for what?

[Emily Ransdell]

But for the diagnosis and the focus that the medication and the knowledge and.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Awareness has helped me have, that makes perfect sense. And so was there any part of your adhd, let's say, your strengths that you used to write this book? Like, how did it help you?

[Emily Ransdell]

My strengths with my ADHD are all over that book. My creativity, for one. Remember, I told you I was an imaginative kid and I had these little worlds in my head. That's what a writer is doing. And just my love for language. And I am a very creative, insightful, sensitive person. And that's. I mean, wow, that's a poet, isn't it?

[Tracy Otsuka]

And what did it mean to you to get that Lewis Award? But is that one of the highest awards that you have?

[Emily Ransdell]

No. No, it's not. It isn't, but it's not. But it didn't matter because the book was recognized and the book is now in the world. And just like you said, you know, it's in the world. It has a life of its own. You don't know who. Whose coffee table it's on. And that means everything. It's also about. Your work is not. I mean, your work is you. But at some Point. It's also its own thing.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Yeah.

[Emily Ransdell]

It's amazing, isn't it?

[Tracy Otsuka]

Yeah. And, you know, someone reads it and then they give it to someone else, and it's like that ripple fell. Then they, you know, oh, you know, this friend has a birthday. I'm gonna buy this book for, you know, for their birthday. And.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

It doesn't even take you to get it into the world anymore. It's got its own. What do they call it? Legs?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yes, exactly. A person came up to me at a reading and said, oh, my God, I didn't realize this was you. I read a review of your book and I bought it and I didn't even realize it was you. So. Gosh.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And that feels really good.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah. Yeah. My life could have been different had I realized about the ADHD a lot sooner. And I really have to say, I. I don't regret it. I. It's just the past is the past. I did some great things. I made some money that enabled me to do this now. And. And I'm happy, and I'm happy now. I don't ruminate anymore.

[Tracy Otsuka]

I'm sure, too, that a lot of your experiences give you so much more empathy, number one, but also so much more fodder as far as what to write about.

[Emily Ransdell]

Definitely.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Because then you can share those experiences that you've had with other people or like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, I had the same one.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah. I'm not so afraid. I like poetry that reveals something about the poet. And despite what I said about being a little nervous about who knows, about adhd, I'm not afraid to reveal myself.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Were you ever, or has that always been a quality?

[Emily Ransdell]

I was definitely afraid. Yeah. You don't want to admit that you're not perfect. You're not. That you're sad that you have. You know, you feel inadequate. You don't want to admit any of that, but that's what it's like to be human. And I know that now.

[Tracy Otsuka]

This whole experience that you've been through over the last decade has removed the fear.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah, definitely.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Most of the fear.

[Emily Ransdell]

Most of it. Wow.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Well, that's all the reason why we needed to do it, right?

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So I'm wondering, I didn't ask you this before, but would you read one of your poems?

[Emily Ransdell]

Here's a poem that refers to what I was telling you happened to my husband. It's called Everywhere a River. I do remember darkness, how it snaked through the alders, their ashen flames in our high beams the color of Stone that hollow slap as flood water hit the sides of the car. Was the radio on? Had I been asleep? Sometimes you have to tell a story your entire life to get it right. 22 and terrified. I had married you, but barely knew you. And for 40 years, I've told this story wrong. In my memory, you drove right through it, the river already rising on the road behind us, no turning around. But since your illness, I recall it differently now that I know it's possible to lose you. I remember that night you threw that car in reverse and gunned it. You found us another way home.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So as I'm hearing you read that poem, you basically are using your art to process your emotions.

[Emily Ransdell]

Exactly.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Therapy right there.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

It's beautiful, Emily. Really beautiful.

[Emily Ransdell]

Thank you.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Okay, so we're gonna leave with one question, final question. What do you think the key is to living successfully with adhd?

[Emily Ransdell]

I have this mantra that I learned from a coach of beginning, middle, and end, and remembering that everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And for instance, the end of doing the laundry is not, you know, piling it up on the top of the dryer. The end is putting it away. So what I feel is success breeds success. So for me, one good day makes me want to create another good day. And that means planning, you know, unsexy things like planning and follow through, but not over planning to the point that I feel bad about myself because I can't possibly do all that, which I've been there. I do make a list. I do. I'm trying to learn how to use my new Apple phone better. But success breeds success. So, you know, honor one little success, I will walk out of the bathroom and turn around and look and see if my counter is cleaned off. And if it is, is. That's one success, and I feel better about myself for that.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So it sounds like you have learned how to celebrate the things that are actually working rather than focusing on everything that isn't. And so then all we see is more stuff that's not working.

[Emily Ransdell]

Exactly. I think that's really true. I'm definitely not perfect. I'm still late and messy and all that, and I'm better at it than I used to be. And it's.

[Tracy Otsuka]

And the reason you're messy and late and all that is because the flip side to it is you're also empathetic. You're in the moment. You've got so much brilliance and creativity going on in your brain.

[Emily Ransdell]

Yeah.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Yeah, I love that. So, Emily, are you working on something you want to Tell us about. Where can we find your book, all this stuff. Can you give it to us?

[Emily Ransdell]

Sure. My book is available on Amazon and barnesandnoble.com or you can go to an independent bookstore, which would be really great, and ask them to carry it.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Can you hold it up? Do you have it so we can see what it looks like? Okay. 1 Finch singing I should have ordered this before this episode, but I will order it.

[Emily Ransdell]

Tracy, I will send you a free one. You don't have to get it.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Oh, no, I want to support you, so I will order it.

[Emily Ransdell]

That's nice. That is. That is cool to do that for that reason. Yeah. And no, I'm, I'm. I'm just living my little world. I would love. I would love if anybody liked that poem, if they would buy a copy of the book, and if they love more of them, let me know because I, you know, you don't, like you say the book has a life of its own. Where is it? And my website is emilyransdale.com okay.

[Tracy Otsuka]

Anyway, Emily, thank you you so much for spending time with us here today. It was such a pleasure to meet you and thank you so much for being one of our. Oh, I hate the word old timers, but, you know, I know I'm an old timer.

[Emily Ransdell]

Thank you. Yeah. I love your podcast. It's helped me tremendously and I hope this helps somebody.

[Tracy Otsuka]

It absolutely will, Emily. Thank you so much.

[Emily Ransdell]

Bye.

[Tracy Otsuka]

So that's what I have for you for this week. If you like this episode with Emily, please let us know by leaving a review. Our goal is to change the conversation around adhd, helping as many women as we possibly can learn how their ADHD brains work so that they too may discover their amazing strengths. Thank you for listening and I'll see you here next week. You've been listening to the ADHD for Smartass Women podcast podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Otsuka. Join us at adhd for smart women.com where you can find more information on my new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. And my patented you'd ADHD brain is a okay system to help you get unstuck and fall in love with your brilliant brain. ADHD is not the problem. The way we've been told to manage it is. If you're tired of feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you're not living up to your potential, I want to help my you. ADHD Brain is. AOK is a step by step patented program that actually works for ADHD brains like ours. No more forcing yourself into ordinary brain systems that just don't fit. If you're ready to thrive, find the link in the first line of this episode's description. Your brain is brilliant. Let me prove it to you.