EP. 370: When You Flip Your Lid: How to Let the Glitter Settle with Lyndsay Morris, M.ED.

Summary

Podcast Summary: ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka

Episode 370: “When You Flip Your Lid: How to Let the Glitter Settle” with Lyndsay Morris, M.ED.

Date: February 4, 2026
Host: Tracy Otsuka
Guest: Lyndsay Morris, M.ED.

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode explores how understanding brain science, emotional regulation, and simple, practical tools can radically shift how we support ADHD individuals—especially in educational settings. Tracy Otsuka interviews educator and brain-based wellness expert Lyndsay Morris about why most school systems fail to teach fundamental life skills, and how her “Regulate, Connect, Reflect” framework is transforming classrooms, teachers, families, and communities for the better. The discussion is packed with actionable strategies for teachers, parents, and anyone looking to regulate their nervous system, cut through shame, and empower themselves and others.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Lyndsay’s ADHD Story and Masking

• Lyndsay was unidentified with ADHD until adulthood; a friend’s ADHD screener prompted her diagnosis.
• She masked her symptoms by excelling in areas that interested her, being the “good girl,” and leveraging strong social skills.
• Her academic performance was average in subjects she didn't find engaging, but she excelled rapidly in areas of genuine interest, earning honors and degrees much faster than typical.

“In college I was interested in what I was learning. But in high school, I didn’t really care … now it all makes sense.” (05:46, Lyndsay)

2. Social Strengths and Early Life Experiences

• Lyndsay harnessed her social gifts to create community—leading spirit committees and broadcast teams.
• Athletics, especially volleyball, provided her with confidence and social skills that helped her weather childhood sensitivities and challenges.

“Through volleyball I learned how to be a team player. I gained confidence because I was good at something.” (09:37, Lyndsay)

3. Navigating and Changing Education

• Lyndsay’s core interest as a teacher was teaching life skills—emotional regulation, connection, and focus—not just academic subjects.
• Traditional teacher training left educators unprepared to handle students’ trauma, lack of focus, or real human needs.

“They prepared me to teach a lesson plan. I was really good at writing lesson plans, but I didn’t know what to do when I looked out and saw this person is not focused … how am I supposed to teach math to this?” (11:01, Lyndsay)

• Inspired by seeing these gaps, she pursued a master’s in counseling with a focus on happiness and wellbeing, deeply studying brain science under figures like Dan Siegel and Bruce Perry.

4. Regulate, Connect, Reflect: The Framework

• Lyndsay created Generation Wellness and her bestselling book “Teach the Brain Change the World” to offer actionable brain-based practices.
• Her framework:
  • Regulate: Helping students recognize and address dysregulation—movement, breathwork, grounding.
  • Connect: Facilitated activities to build trust and belonging.
  • Reflect: Teaching students to pause and think about what they’ve learned—metacognition.
• She argues that schools should prioritize teaching how the brain works, regulation, and connection before jumping to content.

“A lot of schools to this day don’t understand … we’re saying we want focus, we want students to be able to talk to another person, but many of them, they don’t know how.” (12:14, Lyndsay)

5. Policy, Challenges, and Politics

• Some states are moving forward on social-emotional learning (SEL), while others have politicized it and pushed back.
• The regulatory environment can vary drastically: e.g., Washington and California have strong SEL/mental health initiatives, while other states restrict such content.

“SEL has become political. In blue states, it’s very widely accepted. In red states, it’s phasing out… In Oklahoma, it’s Bibles in classrooms, and there’s no more SEL.” (19:01, Lyndsay)

6. Gender, Emotions, and Discipline

• Boys receive over 70% of behavioral referrals—often due to how anger manifests vs. how girls’ emotions manifest more passively.
• Lyndsay highlights society’s double standards in emotional expression and the need for teaching ALL kids healthy regulation regardless of gender.

“Everyone has the right to experience emotion … but we get to teach our students what to do with those emotions so you’re not hurting yourself or another person.” (22:21, Lyndsay)

7. The Power of Simple, Playful, Repetitive Tools

• The greatest measurable success comes from short, daily practice: just 5–10 minutes each day can reduce behavioral referrals by up to 90% over three years ([26:18]).

“When schools do this, 75 to 90% decrease in behavior referrals … That is mind blowing.” (25:12, Lyndsay)

• Regulation stations give students agency to self-soothe when dysregulated, letting the “glitter settle” (as described by Lyndsay’s “glitter tube” metaphor).

8. Not Just for Kids—Adults Need These Tools Too

• The number one tool for any classroom or family: a regulated adult.
• Lyndsay emphasizes that many of us were never taught to regulate, apologize, or communicate constructively.

“The number one tool is a regulated adult in all of this… Awareness is the first step to change.” (29:12, Lyndsay)

• Building metacognition, healthy responses to dysregulation, and non-blaming communication drastically improves relationships at home and at work.

9. Understanding Dysregulation and “Flipping the Lid”

• Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn: recognizes universal stress responses, how they show up in students and adults.
• Teaching kids and adults to recognize their own dysregulation versus “motivation problems” unlocks real solutions (not just discipline).

“Behavior is always communication. It’s a symptom of something underneath. … Many times it’s either a regulation issue or a connection issue.” (36:19, Lyndsay)

10. Changing Systems, Supporting Teachers

• True change is systemic: teachers need these tools, yet are burned out and often unsupported.

“The system is wearing our teachers out. … They weren’t always taught these skills. … We get to come in and say, ‘This is how it’s been, but when we know better, we do better.’” (41:10, Lyndsay)

• Funding and administrative support, as seen in California, can enable transformation.
• Lyndsay’s advice: train the staff first, because regulated adults transform the classroom, the home, and the community.

11. Practical Tools and ADHD Workarounds

• Lyndsay’s #1 ADHD hack: calendar everything (“When people look at my calendar, they’re like, ‘What in the world?’ … if I don’t, it doesn’t get done.” (66:01))
• Keep things fun, simple, and challenging; tailor your approach to what works for your brain, instead of settling for neurotypical “best practices.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lyndsay on why she created Generation Wellness:
  “I just consistently saw where students did not have the skills that we wanted, and they were being punished, sitting in their shame… If a student doesn’t know how to focus, and their body really needs to move, why are we sending them to lunch detention to sit in silence and shame?” (16:22–17:15)

• On “letting the glitter settle”:
  “A lot of us have all this glitter in our brains. That’s emotion, thoughts… these practices… help to create space in the glitter tube; the space between response and reaction… That can mean the difference between jail and not jail. That can be the difference between staying in the relationship you always wanted and destroying the relationship.” (27:25–28:45, Lyndsay)

• On adult learning and healing:
  “Educators come to our trainings… because they want tools for their students or their children. But the kicker is the number one tool is a regulated adult in all of this.” (29:12, Lyndsay)

• Regulation strategies must be individualized:
  “Each student is going to have their go-tos. … We don’t teach this as a curriculum… It’s more like: here are 50 tools, and you decide what works for you because you’re in your body, you’re in your brain.” (43:49, Lyndsay)

• On closure and life skills:
  “There’s certain transitions, like you’re going off to college, or leaving a classroom where you’ve built all this connection… Sometimes we forget those closure activities—those provide stability.” (59:50, Lyndsay)

• On being told to “just focus”:
  “Raise your hand if you’ve ever been told to just focus. … But I don’t know what the hell that even means.” (61:13, Tracy)
  “90% of adults raise their hand that they were told to just focus growing up. … How many of you were ever taught? About one or two.” (61:49, Lyndsay)

• On change and awareness:
  “We do have the information now. And when we know better, we do better.” (52:35, Lyndsay)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Lyndsay’s ADHD journey and diagnosis: 04:25–06:46
• Social & academic skills development: 07:06–10:13
• Becoming a teacher and shifting focus: 10:51–12:44
• Discovering brain science & foundational frameworks: 12:44–14:54
• Creation and mission of Generation Wellness: 16:11–18:32
• Social-emotional learning (SEL) and politics: 18:32–20:13
• Gender, emotion, and discipline in schools: 20:46–23:55
• Research results – behavior improvements: 25:12–26:18
• Explanation of “letting the glitter settle”: 27:20–28:45
• The importance of regulated adults: 29:12–31:06
• Dysregulation explained (fight, flight, freeze, fawn): 31:32–35:53
• Addressing “discipline” vs. “teaching” problems: 38:14–41:10
• Effective classroom interventions: 43:49–47:30
• Best examples of school transformation (California): 47:38–49:33
• If you could change one thing—focus on staff training: 49:41–53:00
• Burnout, trauma, and value of these skills: 54:45–58:59
• Overview of book and closure practices: 58:59–61:09
• Fun, play, and actionable tools (“roots, tree, growing tree”): 61:09–62:58
• Goal-setting: Whoop goals: 63:02–64:20
• Communication frameworks & “story in my head”: 64:26–65:31
• Lyndsay’s #1 ADHD workaround: 65:59–68:30

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Where to Find More

• Lyndsay Morris: GenerationWellness.com, lindsaymorris.com, social: @enwellness
• Book: “Teach the Brain Change the World”
• Tracy Otsuka’s resources: adhdforsmartwomen.com, “ADHD for Smartass Women” (Book), “Your ADHD Brain is A-OK Academy”

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Episode Takeaway

Empowering ADHD individuals—especially women and children—means shifting focus from shame and punishment to practical skill-building, self-regulation, and connection. When adults learn to regulate themselves and teach these tools through playful, engaging methods, real change ripples from classrooms to communities.

“When we change a classroom, we change a community. And when we change many communities, that’s how we change the world.” (52:00, Lyndsay Morris)

Transcript

[A]

Before we start, a quick note. If you've been listening to this podcast and thinking, I need more than insight, I need support. This is for you. Your ADHD brain is not broken. It just never came with a map. That is why I created your ADHD Brain is a okay Academy. It's my patented step by step framework to help you build a life. And that finally fits how your brain works. Ready to get started? Click the link in the show notes to sign up or book a free discovery call with me now. On with the show. Richard Branson, Michael Phelps, Justin Timberlake, James Carville. Wait a minute. Where are the women? Greta Gerwig, Lisa Ling, Audra McDonald, Simone Biles. That sounds like a list of highly successful titans in a variety of industries. They all have adhd, but you don't hear much about that now, do you? You know what else you don't hear about are the 43% of people with ADHD who are in excellent mental health. Why aren't we talking about them and what they are doing? I'm your host, Tracy Adsuka, and that's exactly what we do here. I'm a lawyer, not a doctor, a lifelong student, and now the author of my new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. I'm also a certified ADHD coach. And the creator of youf ADHD Brain is aok, a patented system that helps ADHD women just like you get unstuck and fall in love with their brilliant brains. Here we embrace our too muchness and we focus on our strengths. My guests and I credit our ADHD for some of our greatest gifts. And to those who still think they're too much, too impulsive, too scattered, too disorganized, I say no one ever made a difference by being too little. Hello, I am your host, Tracy Otsuka. Thank you so much for joining me here for another episode of ADHD for Smartass Women. You know that my purpose is always to show you who you are and then inspire you to be it. In the thousands of ADHD women that I've had the privilege of meeting, I've never met one, not one that wasn't truly brilliant at something. So of course, I am just delighted to introduce you to Lindsay Morris. Lindsay Morris, Med, is a former teacher and school counselor who now teaches the skills of being human. How to focus, how to calm, how to connect, and how to thrive. She is the founder of Generation Wellness and the best selling author of Teach the Brain Change the World. For more than 12 years, Lindsay has trained over a half a million educators, students and families in simple brain based practices that make learning easier and life more enjoyable. Her Regulate, Connect, Reflect framework turns complex research into accessible tools that help people reduce stress, strengthen relationships, and create well being in short, meaningful moments rather than long, drawn out protocols. Lindsay grew up in Washington state, lives in the Olympia area with her husband and family, and is known for making brain science feel human, practical, and even a little fun. Welcome, Lindsay. Did I get all of that right?

[B]

Yeah, that was a mouthful. I'm so excited to be here with you and just talk live.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm thrilled to have you here. And the funniest thing is we have been talking about online business.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Has it been like five years? It's been since COVID right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, since COVID And do you know that I did not know that you had adhd? I thought, well, there's some tendencies here because, you know, we leave these long messages for each other, audio messages.

[B]

But.

[A]

But I didn't know that until you recently told me it. And I'm like, why aren't you on my podcast?

[B]

Yes. Yeah, I didn't know I had it either until my adult life where one of my friends said, hey, I just did this ADHD screener. And Lindsay, I'm around you a lot. I think you should really do this too. And I'm like, wow, maybe that explains this and that explains that. And so it wasn't until my adult life that I actually was diagnosed with adhd.

[A]

Okay, so tell us what the circumstances were because we always want to know for all of our guests, like, what's your story? What's your ADHD story?

[B]

Well, you know this because we. We voxer message all the time, but it's hard for me to just stay on one topic. Very creative, very creative. Typically a very short attention span unless I'm truly interested in something.

[A]

So.

[B]

So in high school and middle school, I was an average student. I was maybe like a 3.0 student. But once I got to college, I excelled. I was valedictorian, graduating in three years instead of four years, and for my master's, graduating in one year instead of two years. And my mom was like, what happened? And now it all makes sense because in college I was interested in what I was learning. But in high school, I didn't really care about biology. I didn't really care about US History. I know we should, but at the

[A]

time, we certainly should now.

[B]

Exactly. So it all makes sense because now that I understand more about ADHD and how important it is for things to be fun and simple and chunking the information and being interested in what we're learning about. I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, I shouldn't have beat myself up so much for sitting there so bored out of my mind. And I just couldn't even open the book, the textbook because it was so boring. So it wasn't until my friend mentioned it. And this was in my 20s. And then I got the screener and my doctor was like, yes, you do. And here's some medicine. I tried medicine for a little bit, but I'm not currently on medicine. So I've learned some of the things that are in your book and just some ways to navigate life with this beautiful, curious, creative brain that is sometimes annoying for my partner and my family.

[A]

Yeah, it's annoying for us too. Right? Like just simple things. This should not be this difficult. So I'm curious, when you were in school, I'm assuming your teachers would speak with you and they'd think, she's really bright. Why is she not applying herself? Did they tell you? Did they ask you questions like that?

[B]

No, no, because I masked it as the good girl. So I was always the teacher's pet. I was always, you know, I loved learning and I loved connection. So much so they didn't recognize, you know, in 30, they have 30 students in a classroom. So there's a lot of more attention getting behaviors. So they never were questioning, you know, why is this? Why is that? They, they enjoyed me in their class and maybe they just thought, she's not that bright. Yeah, this isn't her strong suit, but she's really fun to be around. But then in college it was like, whoa. My professors were very, they were wowed then. Like, wow, she's pretty bright in this area. And I'm not bright at a lot of area. I'm not bright at a lot of things. It's a very narrow, narrow area, but interested. I'll give it my all. And you know, we go down these rabbit holes and yeah, that's kind of the journey. So I was very good at masking and my friends were often mad at me because I had a photographic memory. They would, you know, do the notes. They would try so hard in the class and I would just look at their notes and you know, I would get like a B and they would maybe get a C because they couldn't remember the notes. So they were really upset with me. So that's kind of my educational background.

[A]

And so socially, were there any struggles or. It seems like you're really good socially and you probably always have been. Like, that's where your gift is.

[B]

Yes, that's definitely a gift. And I know we can teach skills to connect better, but that is one of my main gifts of just connecting with people. I was the head of the spirit committee in high school, so, like, wanted to. I wanted to make high school a fun place for people to be and not just showcase athletics, but, you know, at lunchtime do these fun games where we can do like American Idol or even. We did a dating show one time at lunchtime. So I was just always trying to bring people together. And I was the head of the news broadcast of our school, kind of just every Friday sharing what's going on also in volleyball. So I really enjoyed being part of the community in high school. And so, yes, socially I was able to learn social skills. I mean, I've had them, but really learn them through volleyball and then take it from there.

[A]

Through volleyball?

[B]

Yes, yes, through volleyball in school. I actually was made fun of in elementary school, and I'm an only child, so I wasn't used to the brother sister banter. And I was really sensitive. So whenever somebody said something to me, I would start to cry. But once I started doing volleyball, I learned, you know, how to be a team player. I gained confidence because I was good at something. And just those years of being in a team and leading and following, I really developed those skills and then could use those skills in volleyball and apply them in school or wherever I was.

[A]

So, Lindsay, I can totally see how well you masked and how easy it was for you because you weren't a great student, but you were a solid student. All the teachers liked you. You did well socially other than you were really sensitive, which you know is a sign of adhd. Right. But most people don't know that just because you have those qualities, it doesn't mean you also don't have adhd. So it makes perfect sense, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So tell me, when you graduated from college, what happened after that?

[B]

So after I graduated college, I immediately became a teacher and I loved teaching. But I quickly realized I don't really have an interest in teaching all of these various subjects. What my interest is in teaching life skills. And so I began to do classroom meetings and talking about feelings and addressing the students who the college never prepared me as a teacher how to teach students who lacked focus. They just. It prepared me to teach a lesson plan. I was really good at writing lesson plans, but I didn't know what to do when I looked out and I saw this person is not focused. This Student is sleeping. This student just came in and they just told me they're being evicted from their home. You know, and like all of the trauma, all of the different things of humanness, I did not know I was not equipped of what in the world, how am I supposed to teach math to this? Looking out and seeing all this, But I'm supposed to sit here and be a really good teacher. And so I evolved into starting with the foundation of, you know, how do we connect, how do we focus? And what a lot of schools to this day don't understand is we're saying we want focus, we're saying we want students to be able to talk to another person. But many of them, they don't know how. So depending on our culture at home, it's our job as educators to teach, deliberately teach everyday practice of how do you focus? And not just with words, because that can be really boring to our brains especially is through play, which is their language, and make it fun. And so that's what I was up to after college. I just was diving into how do I teach human beings instead of just how do I perform a lesson plan.

[A]

That's where your curiosity was. And so you were really interested in this subject. And so did you kind of just buy all the books and sort of teach yourself or where did you go to learn how to do this?

[B]

Yes, I became obsessed with understanding the psychology, the sociology, everything. And so one year into teaching, I immediately enrolled into my master's program, which was how to be a school counselor. And my focus was on happiness and well being, what makes people happy, what makes people, you know, have the skills to connect, have the skills to go through really hard things and get back up. And you know, life has its ways where I get to experience that constantly. And you know, about my 2020 journey of I study well being and I study and then there's been some life instances of severe illness and how do I navigate through that, which we'll get to, I'm sure. But just being obsessed with it and going full throttle into my master's program and researching all of this and then going to workshops, reading the books, studying under, like going to the workshops of Dr. Dan Siegel, of Dr. Bruce Perry, like these big time figures in brain science. And Maslow is one of my heroes. And William Glasser, where they said that human beings thrive. Well, William Glasser said that human beings thrive with survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. And I resonate with that so much. And if I think about our school system, do a lot of Students feel power where they have a sense of control or leadership or that they're good at something. Do a lot of students think school is fun? That they have freedom and flexibility? Not so much. So if this is how humans thrive, how do we take that it's the science, and put it into school instead of just sitting for six hours a day completely bored and listening to one voice talk the whole day?

[A]

Yeah. As I'm hearing you speak, my first thought is, why isn't all of this teaching children how to feel, how to feel good right about themselves, but also about learning? Why isn't this the first subject that they take and they learn? Because wouldn't this be the foundation for all other learning beyond it?

[B]

That's what I'm saying. To the schools.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Before we teach math, can we do the foundation of first, let's teach the brain how they even learn. That's the mechanism that you're wanting them to utilize. And you want all students to be in their prefrontal cortex when they're learning, which a lot of them are in their safety brain. They're not even here yet. So let's teach the brain first, and then let's teach them how to focus, how to connect, how to talk to one another. All these things that we say we want, like, just focus, just. Just do this, but they don't know how. And then let's get to the content, but let's practice it. Maybe just five to ten minutes a day. We're not going to make it complex because in education, there's too many other competing curriculums, and teachers are burning out. So it can't be too complicated. It has to be very simple so the brain can easily do it.

[A]

So is that what Generation Wellness does?

[B]

Yes. Yes. That was the seed.

[A]

And so how did that come into being? Like, why did you start it?

[B]

Yes. So that was the seed, my first year of teaching, of just having this realization, like, oh, my gosh, I don't think we're really prepared to teach humans. And then enrolling into the master's program, graduated in one year because I was super focused. That's where ADHD can really help us. When we're interested. We're gonna go full throttle. And then became a school counselor for almost a decade in education. And then I just consistently saw where students did not have the skills that we wanted, and they were being punished, sitting in their shame. And I often said to administrators or other staff who want a consequence, they want them to suffer because they're not doing this. If a Student doesn't know how to focus and their body really needs to move. Why are we sending them to lunch detention to sit in silence and shame? We're not even teaching a skill. So I asked if I'm going to run lunch detention, I want to be able to teach in there and empower and lift them up so that they can learn a new skill and we can change a behavior. Otherwise, it's just the same students in lunch detention, what's the point? And they're just sitting in their shame and they're. Every day it's replayed in their minds. I'm bad, I'm not good enough. I can't sit still, so I'm being penalized and I have to sit still longer. That makes no sense. And in Washington state, there's actually a new law where you can't hold students in for recess as punishment anymore. Because they looked at the research and one of the main pieces of learning is movement. The brain needs to move if it's. It can't learn sitting all day long. And that traditionally is our education system. Sitting in desk, listening to one person talk. If you're in high school, it's maybe six or seven, but with TikTok and YouTube shorts and social media, there's no way their brains can do that. So I don't think it's them that needs the change. I think it's our system that needs the change.

[A]

So I am curious, how well received is that? Clearly, Washington state, they read the research, they care about the science, They've changed. But I think so much of society is still in this kind of Jordan Peterson tough love mindset.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. 12 years ago, it was not received very well. It was hard to get in the system. Luckily, a lot of states have looked at the research and a lot of states are big on SEL right now. Social and emotional learning. Or some states are big on whole child education. Which just means instead of teaching the brain and academics, we're gonna teach the heart. So social skills and connection. And we're also going to pay attention to the body. So more movement. So a lot of states are in a whole child push. A lot of states are about social and emotional learning. This year, unfortunately, with the way things are, SEL has become political. So now there's some states who say, no sel. You can't even ask a child how they feel anymore because of politics. When really SEL is teaching how to be human. It's teaching these foundational skills. So 12 years ago, it was very hard. Then there's been this shift of let's bring SEL and all of this into schools, but now we're experiencing where SEL has now become political. So in blue states, it's still very widely accepted. In red states, it's phasing out. And I'll just be honest. In Oklahoma, it's Bibles in classrooms, and there's no more sel.

[A]

You know, the thing that just is so upsetting to me about this is this idea that women and girls are emotional and men and boys are not. Yet what we've done is we've taken anger and we've removed that from the emotions wheel. And so then you end up with these kids, you know, usually boys, but sometimes girls too, that they're so angry, and then they act out in school, they get in trouble, and, you know, worse stuff happens than that. Yeah, well, tell me why that is.

[B]

Right? Yes. So if you look at the research, over 70% of behavior referrals are boys. And I always ask the audience at my trainings, are boys bad? Because if they're getting in trouble, over 70% of if we have all the behavior referrals, that data would say, maybe they're bad because, you know, they're acting out. The answer is always, no, they're not boys. And if we experience boys, you know, I know you have your own children, and I'm a step parent, and I experience boys at home. Two, they are designed, you know, they can be designed a little bit differently. They want to move. Typically, they're designed to be warriors and protectors. And if you analyze how girls spend their time with their friends and boys, boys are often roughhousing and, like, you know, running into each other. And our society says, don't cry to boys and toughen up and man up. And so they have all these pressures on them put on them like you can't even be emotional. And a lot of them, their behavior is more noticed because anger outbursts for boys can often be more physical, where anger for girls can be more discreet eyes like glaring secrets spreading. But they're still experiencing the same emotions. They just do it in a different way. So in the school setting, boys are called out much more than girls.

[A]

And so then the girls are more annoying, right?

[B]

Yeah, it's more annoying for the teacher. With 30 students, you're gonna notice the boys who are acting out more than the girls. But like I said, the girls are doing passive aggressive, you know, horrible things to each other as well when they experience jealousy or anger or frustration. So everyone has the right to experience Emotion, it's just energy in motion, anger, sadness, frustration, whatever it may be. But we get to teach our students how to, like, what do you do with those emotions so that you're not hurting yourself or hurting another person? And so my quest in our education system is also, you know, if we look at the data on boys and we know that boys aren't bad, what can we do to help them? And when we help them, we help all students. And the data, the research says the number one thing for boys is to allow movement to make things a challenge instead of boring. Like, make it a challenge where you're playing mission impossible. And they have five minutes to do this task. And that helps all students. If you look at any research on how the brain learns. But what doesn't help is shaming them. What doesn't help is holding them in all day long to just sit in their shame. And so can we develop a school system where we allow brain breaks at least once an hour, where we do connection activities so they feel like they're part of a group and all of these things that help all students.

[A]

Lindsey, is there actual research on this where schools that have adopted this SEL and what was the other one?

[B]

Whole child education.

[A]

Whole child education that the learning, the grades, all of that actually got better and, you know, behavioral issues.

[B]

Yes. Good thing we have ChatGPT now. I invite anybody who's listening to just ChatGPT it. There's so much research out there, and we've been doing these trainings for 12 years, so we've been taking our own research. There's many different case studies of behavior. Referrals dropping 75 to 90%. Like that is mind blowing of all. If you think about a principal, a principal's normal day is seeing all these students come into the principal's office because they're acting out. So if it decreases 75 to 90% of behavior referrals just by doing teaching the brain 5 to 10 minutes of regulate, connect and reflect, which is the framework. Regulation is movement and breathing, deep breathing, grounding, connection is like partner activities or whole group connection activities to build trust. And reflection is taking time to think about what you learned. So metacognition is thinking about what you're thinking, allowing the content to get into the hippocampus. Because a lot of times we're just rushing, like, oh my gosh, as teacher, I have to get to this lesson next. And we're not allowing the space for actually thinking about what we just learned about. So when schools do this five to ten Minutes of regulate, connect, or reflect. Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's all three. And then the last one is interventions that teach peace. So instead of sending kids out of school for suspension, allowing them to stay in school, in a classroom, and learning the tools, or at lunchtime, you know, lunch, detention, learning new tools, interventions that teach peace rather than shame. Those three things, the brain, five to 10 minutes a day, and interventions that teach peace. 75 to 90% decrease in behavior referrals.

[A]

And so how long does that take to do that?

[B]

So one school, they implemented this for three months. 50% decrease. What, after three years, that's when they received the 90% decrease.

[A]

And how much time. How much time in the day are they devoting to this?

[B]

In the beginning, it's about 10 to 30 minutes to teach the foundation about the brain, because we're going to chunk it, because that's what the research says. So we're not just going to teach the brain for three hours to fifth graders. It'd be too long. So 10 to 30 minutes in the beginning, in your September or October, and then it's down to five to 10 minutes of repetitive practice every day. And then creating space in the classroom for them to go if their lids are flipped. So if they're dysregulated, teachers now have a space in their classroom that students can go to to regulate themselves. Because if we practice something and teach something, we also need to have a space for them to practice it when they're dysregulated. So. So those are called regulation stations. And usually they're back there from. For five to ten minutes. And they can do breathing, they can do movement that's not disruptive. They can just have some space to let the glitter settle in their brain and then return back to their chair.

[A]

I love that. Let the glitter settle in their brain. That's great.

[B]

Yes, that is. One of the tools in the book is the glitter tube. And that's how we introduce all of this, is a lot of us have all this glitter in our brains. That's emotion, thoughts, you know, is he gonna ask me to prom? Did I pass the state test? Will I have food tonight? And then I'm expected to learn. But when it's all chaotic like this, I can't really learn. But these practices don't make our challenges, our thoughts, our emotions necessarily go away. But they help to settle. They help to create space in the glitter tube when the glitter is settling, the space between response and reaction. And when we can teach a student or a teacher that three second pause and have them flip the switch from major reaction to response. That's where this becomes life changing. And I'm not just saying that as to be cliche of like let's change the world. That can mean the difference between jail and not jail. That can be the difference between staying in the relationship that you always wanted, then destroying the relationship. That can be the difference of staying in school and getting kicked out of school. So this is why I believe so much in teaching these skills.

[A]

Isn't so much of it that you are literally giving the kids these skills so they now understand their brain and they're not just like you said, reacting when it happens. They understand why it's happening and what they can personally do to fix it. So it gives them agency. And once you learn this, you literally can use it for the rest of your life. I mean, how many adults do we know who do not have these skills?

[B]

Yes, that's the whole key is, you know, educators come to our trainings and parents come to our training because they want tools for their students or their children. But the kicker is the number one tool is a regulated adult in all of this. So what I often tell teachers is this is just as much for us as it is for our students. And many of us, we didn't learn how to settle our glitter. We didn't learn how to have a flip lid and be really dysregulated and bring it back down. We didn't learn how to communicate in a, in a non threatening way where most of us, when we communicate about something that hurt us, we're blaming the other person rather than coming with curiosity. All these skills that people just, you know, think we have, we don't. And it's okay. Awareness is the first step to change. And so when somebody in marriages, my husband and I, we've done some marriage coaching and the first thing we teach in marriage coaching is the brain. Because if you understand how the brain works, you probably won't be. When you see that your partner is dysregulated, you're probably not going to be jabbing at them anymore because you have the awareness of, oh my goodness, he's dysregulated. This is my time to take responsibility and be the regulated one and maybe suggest a break. Where a lot of relationships, marriages, when somebody gets dysregulated, then the other person starts yelling at them and then it just becomes this huge explosion. So it's all about the awareness and you can't unlearn this. When you learn the brain Science, you've learned it. And that's where releasing the shame starts. That's where releasing the blame starts. And that's where better relationships and a better life starts. Is all through the brain when we know it.

[A]

So going back to these kids who they get in trouble because they're disruptive, what are the signs that this is not a motivation problem, it is not a discipline problem, but it's actually they're dysregulated. And maybe start with. Just in case our listeners don't know what nervous system dysregulation is, can you start with that? And then I can repeat the question. We probably should have set that from the beginning.

[B]

Yes. So emotional regulation, emotions, the way that I love to explain is energy and motion. So you could experience the emotion of anger. And a regulated person who's experiencing anger, they can move through it in a healthy way. So they can punch a pillow, they could go for a walk. That would be regulated response. But a lot of us, when our amygdalas in our brains, the middle part of our brain, we fire off. We go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And if we haven't learned how to regulate ourselves, we may do something unhealthy, which is dysregulate. It's us being dysregulated. So that is where we say horrible things to our partner that we never thought we would say. That is where a student throws a chair. That is where a student hides under a desk. So flight response, you may notice this with your own students or your own children. Those are our runners. So you may have a child who, when there's conflict, their amygdala says, go, run, get away. And they're going to hide, they're going to run out of the classroom. They're going to avoid confrontation. So these are your adult friends who never want to address what's going on. Okay, that's flight, fight those responders. You know what that looks like, because that's the most visible. They want to tell you why they're right and you're wrong. Or they want to talk about it now and let's solve it. In schools, you see that a lot with physical fights. But it can also be in a parent meeting where there's somebody, there's an adult in the room who's literally taking over the whole meeting because they want to prove why they're right. And it gets a little heated. That is fight. So fight, flight, freeze is probably the most hard to recognize in our dysregulated states because we can Be frozen in our chair. And nobody would even notice it unless they're really looking at you and noticing, oh, my gosh, they're frozen like a deer crossing the road and a car is coming straight for it. And then the last one is fawn and fawning. When we are dysregulated, those are our people pleasers. So those are the ones in our lives who want to keep the peace. There's a seventh grader who's in a family of trauma. They're fighting, and the seventh grader is like, mom, what can I do? Can I do the dishes? They just want to keep the peace. So we all have one or more of those responses. And sometimes we have a primary response and a secondary response. So an example would be if. If you're in a relationship, maybe your husband goes in to fight. Not. And when we say fight, it's not physical. Always. It's like he wants to prove himself. He wants to talk about right now. Yes. Argue, let's get this off. And then the wife, and I'm only using this because this is what we see a lot is the husband often fight. The wife goes into flight. So she's like, I need space. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get in my car and I'm gonna go away for a little bit. And then maybe the wife feels bad for leaving. So when she comes back, she goes into fawning and she goes into people pleasing. Like, maybe she left for five hours and he's mad because she left so long. And then she's like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I acted like that. And she goes into people pleasing. So sometimes we have one response primary, and then sometimes we have two. Could be even more. And sometimes it fluctuates on our situations. At work, we're typically more buttoned up than at home with our family. Usually with our family, we're the most raw and real. So a dysregulated state when we have glitter all in the glitter tube is when we. Our amygdala has fired off and we're not making healthy decisions. A regulated state is when we are able to calm our nervous system no matter what we're going through. And when I say calm, I don't always mean you have to, like, listen to a meditation. And, you know, some people, a calm would be going for a run. Just a way to be healthy for yourself and healthy for the people around you. So that is regulation in a nutshell.

[A]

So it's how you process these feelings. Let's Go back to what I started to ask, which is all these kids who are getting in trouble in school for being disruptive. But what your contention is is that it's not a motivation problem or a discipline problem. It's actually a nervous system issue. What are the signs that that's not what's going on?

[B]

So behavior is always communication. It's a symptom of something, something underneath. And typically what I've seen as a school counselor and doing this for this work for 20 years is many times it's either a regulation issue or a connection issue. So example, we look at data on attendance and ever since COVID we are experiencing in our school system chronic absenteeism where students weren't coming to school before, but now it's even more. And if you look at those issues, typically underneath it oftentimes is a connection issue. So they're not feeling connected to school. They don't feel like they have somebody to talk to. They don't feel like they have somebody to sit next to at lunch. So instead of disciplining the symptom, I believe in getting to the root, the connection, the regulation. And oftentimes it's connecting with an adult will help and connecting with other peers and then also moving their bodies. So last thing I want to say about that, many times when we look at behavior data will see that a student is always getting in trouble. Around 11 o' clock in the morning, we will put a 10 minute break in the wellness room, which is a space where they can go on the bike and, you know, ride the bike to get out their energy. They can, they have pressure blankets. It's a space where they can go where they can regulate themselves with the help of an adult and they'll come back after 10 minutes. What we find is when we put this break in before the typical outburst, the outbursts don't happen. So that is an example of getting to the root of behavior and not disciplining symptoms.

[A]

So it almost sounds like what you're saying is there is no such thing as a motivation or a discipline problem.

[B]

Discipline means to teach. So in my opinion, it's a teaching problem.

[A]

Ah, you know what I always said, Lindsay, with my son, that he was. And arbiter is not the right word. I need to figure out what he was like, the bellwether for good teachers. When he had a good teacher, and usually they had adhd, he was a top student. But if he didn't respect that teacher, if she or he was completely dysregulated and nasty and Boring and didn't care. They could be boring and if they were kind, he'd be fine. But usually isn't it that the teacher honestly shouldn't even be teaching?

[B]

Exactly. And this comes up all the time because in some of our trainings we usually have one or two in the back crossing their arms like this. And they're typically teaching high school math or high school science. And they're like, I didn't go into teaching to do all this stuff. Like, I'm here to teach content, I'm here to teach science or math. So why would I need to do regulate, connect and reflect? And I often say as a teacher, you're not just like a teacher is not just teaching content. A teacher cares about the student receiving the content and learning the content. So if you look at the data on what makes that happen, to go from your information, you're so smart, you have lots of content to share to their brain and body and retaining it and utilizing it. It starts with connection. Students don't learn from people they don't like. So you can't be a teacher unless you, you put in place these connection activities or these connection strategies. High fiving at the door, smiling like a teacher is more than just regurgitating content. That could be a scientist perhaps, but not a teacher. So every teacher, I believe, has the responsibility to help their students regulate and themselves regulate so that they can be a great teacher. Because dysregulated teachers will not teach if I'm all, you know, upset and stressed and I'm like, okay, we're gonna teach math today. Their nervous systems are wiring to my nervous system and I'm not gonna be very effective. And dysregulated children will not learn. It's not a maybe, not a probably not. They can't because their lids are flipped. So I believe, yes, discipline means to teach. And every teacher is designed to teach, which means regulate, connect and reflect.

[A]

I know that discipline means to teach. So when we're talking about a discipline problem, it's a teaching problem. So let's blame the teachers. And I feel bad doing that because I think their job is so hard and so incredibly important. So why aren't we giving the teachers the skills?

[B]

Right, Exactly. Yes. Teachers work so hard and you know, and sometimes, I mean, there are certain diagnosis that it's more than a teaching problem, like you write about in your book. So I'm not going to say it's always the teacher needs to be teaching. It's more if I had to blame anything, it would be More of the system? Yeah, because the system is wearing our teachers out. They have way too much on their plate. They're becoming dysregulated because of all the stuff on their plate, all the new curriculums, everything like that. And they weren't always taught these skills. So we get to come into the system and say, you know what? This is how it's been. But when we know better, we do better. And there is a change in our system happening all around the country where schools are doing these practices. They have wellness rooms, they have regulation stations. And we can't argue what the data says, the results that we're seeing.

[A]

Does the data also say that, you know, if you're looking at test scores and grades, that those go up as well?

[B]

Yes. Yep. I don't have those stats, like, in my head. The. The most important stat for the schools that I work is behavior issues. So we always talk about the over 70% of behavior issues. But yes, the research is showing increase in attendance, increase in academics. It's all around helping. But the main problem is in the system. They're so busy and so tax already, they can often feel like this is just another thing that we don't have time for. And that's why it's important to keep it simple.

[A]

Isn't so much of this too. I mean, we designed this school system, I don't know, more than 150 years ago, basically, not to teach or to learn, but to, you know, so people would be prepared for factory work. Right. Just doing what you're told to do. And so we have, you know, this administration or these, this school system, the way it's been built, that doesn't want to change. And then you have a segment of the population that's like, well, wait, ADHD people. Right? Why can't we make this better? Here's research. This works. And it's this fight against how it is now versus how it should be in the future.

[B]

Yes. And that is one of my lines that I despise the most, is we're doing this because we've always done it this way. Oh, my gosh. Like, come on, people, we gotta innovate.

[A]

People are still saying that because it's how it's always been done. That is the stupidest answer.

[B]

Yeah, we've always done it this way. So, you know, where are we going to? How are we going to change it? It's very easy to change. We just have to have the want to and the awareness first. So if I went into schools and I started with here are some deep breathing techniques, or here are some movement techniques. Nobody would take me seriously. But because I start with the brain and create that first awareness where they can't even argue it. Because once you know the science, if we really go into the brain science, it says first it's regulation. Like if a student is acting out. Here's an example. What we used to do is we used to say, go to the hallway and do a think sheet. Okay? So they just threw a chair. Imagine what they're going to write on a think sheet. And I used to read these think sheets as a counselor. There were some very mean words on those think sheets. They never were reflecting properly. And based on brain science, they can't. Their lids are flipped. So they don't have any connection between logical thinking and their emotional brain. Their emotional brain hijacked their brain. So in that moment, we're not going to say, why did you throw the chair? How are you going to fix this behavior? We're going to start with regulation, which is allowing them to take a walk with you side by side doing wood chopper, where they can release the anger and not hurt themselves or another person. Pressure blanket. There are so many different tools that they could do deep breathing, but not every tool is going to be liked by every student. Like, I'll be honest, I teach deep breathing, but sometimes I'm like, I don't want to be calm. Like, I just need something more rough. Like sometimes deep breathing feels like somebody telling me to calm down. Like, I don't, I don't want to do it. So each student is going to have their go tos, which is why we don't teach this as a curriculum. Like, you have to do all of these things, these tools. It's more of like, here are 50 tools and you decide what works best for you because you're in your body, you're in your brain. You do what works best for you. And so we're teaching educators, help them to regulate when they're, when they just threw the chair. Regulate. And that's not giving them a pass. Because a lot of them will say they need an immediate consequence. I'm not saying they don't need a consequence. It's just for their brain. First they have to regulate, then connect. So, hey, I see you're having a hard time right now. That can be a connection. I'm here with you. We're gonna, we're gonna regulate and we're gonna get through this. Something to connect, because that's the emotional brain. And then we can go to reflection. But our school system wants every student to be in reflection right when they come in the door. But the truth is, many of them are walking into the door like this, where they're not. They don't have logic. This is your logical brain. They don't have access to logic. So they're sitting in their chairs, but their brains are thinking about the fight they got in with their boyfriend or their grandma just got diagnosed with cancer, or all these different things that they're like this. So our morning practice should not be, let's do 8, 8 times 7. It should be deep breathing movement, like 5 to 10 minutes to get the brains from here to here. And then we can open the brain to learn, but we can't really learn like this. So that revelation for educators, they can't argue this. But if I come in as just the woo woo person, like, oh my gosh, she's telling us, you know, that we got to connect more. They should do a relaxation at the end of the day or whatever, they'd be like, we don't have time for this. But you can't argue science.

[A]

Do you ever go to schools and you are just, this is an amazing school. Yes.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. California right now. Tracy, I just have to say they received funding from their state government $4.7 billion grant for mental health in schools. When schools have funding and they have a principal that believes in it, they can transform schools districts. So I've been doing a lot of work in la, and when the fires happened in January, we were down there helping educators navigate the trauma and the stress and giving them tools they could use with their students. Have parent nights for all the communities that were affected by the fires. And what they are doing in California, I've never seen it. It's. It's. It's phenomenal. Like, it gives me hope during this time because they have funding and a lot of schools, they do want to do this. And these tools they don't require. Like the tools you can do without any materials. It's just. Yeah, yeah. So just get the book. And I purposely made this book so that nobody would have to buy anything else. Like, you don't need another tool to do the tool. You can use this and you have everything you need within you. So the only issue is getting the staff trained costs money. And then creating regulation stations in each classroom costs money because there's usually a breathing ball and some materials, and then creating a wellness room costs money. So that's basically what they're funding in California to where so thousands of schools have regulation stations in every classroom, wellness rooms, and. And it's phenomenal to see the dream that's fully funded. There's some schools up here in Washington, some in Texas, like, we have pockets where they're doing amazing things, but we still have so much ground to cover here in the United States.

[A]

If you could change one thing about how schools support children, if I could

[B]

change one thing that would impact students in schools, it would be to train the staff, because a dysregulated teacher can't teach. And in schools, unfortunately, because some teachers don't have the skills, they're becoming dysregulated when their students are becoming dysregulated. And that creates this. So the number one thing would be to teach peace. Teach these skills and peace and the brain to staff. And then that would ripple out to. They can teach it to students. They can do parent nights. I had an amazing story as a school counselor that I'll share here. I was doing a CPS report, which was never fun. That's where you're reporting abuse, and I always got nervous because you report it and then the police get involved, and then sometimes the parents call you and start yelling at you. And that happened. And so that particular day, it was a family of three, so there were three sisters in our school, and they had marks. And so it was my duty to report it. And the father called me at about 3:30pm and he was like, why did you report me? I can't believe this. And he was irate and angry. And I just said, hey, you know, I had to. I'm sorry, but in the United States, if there's a mark, I'm obligated to report. And they had just immigrated here from a different country. And he said, in my country, this is appropriate to discipline in this way. So I was explaining, like, you know, in the US These are the things. And then finally he just took a breath and he said, okay, I want to learn to do better. And he took that so seriously. And he was in my office the next day and wanted to learn what he could do to help his children when they weren't behaving. And we did a parent night. And since his children were learning all these skills, they were in front teaching the whole audience of parents with other students, the breathing about the brain, all the things that we're teaching. And he was in the front row taking notes. I still get chills every time that I talk about it, because that's a full circle moment, like when we change a Classroom, we change a community and when we change many communities, that's how we change the world. And so this stuff that teachers are teaching, yes, they're teaching it to their students, but they go home and they say, mom, your lid is flipped. Do you need to do some breathing? And I'm always like, yes, that's social awareness, you know. And then parents are calling, like my child is saying my lid is flipped. Like what? Then we bring them into the school and then they're learning it. And because a lot of us, we didn't have the neuroscience, so it's not their fault. Like I'm not saying it's teachers fault. I didn't know this. They didn't know this. But we do have the information now. And when we know better, we do better.

[A]

Let's pause here. Have you spent your whole life being told your way is the wrong way? If you try to use systems designed for a neurotypical brain, of course you'll feel like you're failing. But here's the truth. You were never the problem. You just have a different brain, which means you need different systems. That is exactly why I created the A OK Academy. It's my six step patented framework designed to help you reconnect with your intuition and build systems based on your unique strengths. Let me help you reconnect with your intuition, trust yourself again and build a life that actually works for you. You've had the answers all along. I'll help you see them. Look, it's time to stop second guessing and start trusting yourself again. Find the link in the show notes to sign up or book a free discovery call. Now let's get back to it. Absolutely. And I would think that I can't imagine a better prescription from burnout than having to deal with all of these children who don't want to be there. Right. And you know, if they have strong personalities and depending on what kind of families they've come from, where maybe they're not getting the attention that they need and so they're acting out. I mean, no wonder teachers are burned out. So if you can take your program and then reduce the behavioral problems by 90% over three months, why wouldn't a teacher then be less likely to be burned out as well?

[B]

Yes, exactly. And also nobody has really taught us what to do in extreme situations. I mean, today I'm just. CPS is extreme, but I'm talking about when an extreme situation happens in front of you. Like I'm sure in your life, Traci, you've had some moments that you're never going to forget because they were extreme, they were traumatic and, and unfortunately that happens a lot in schools. And one day I had a staff member who lost her 28 year old son and I received the phone call, they piped it in to me and I was on the phone with the husband who was telling me that the son had just passed away. And the secretary went and got the teacher before I had time to make a plan. And she was standing at my door in about three minutes. And I'll never forget thinking, oh my gosh, I'm about to give her the phone and she's going to hear this information. Nobody teaches us how to deal with, to move through these situations. And she went through shock, she was trying to run out of the building. Long story short, we got some teachers to go in my car and I drove her to her house where her husband and her adult children were. And they were nervous because when their mom got out she was in shock and trauma response and she was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this. And she was just all up and her glitter all everywhere. And they were like, mom, sit down. You know what a lot of people do, like calm down, sit down because they're uncomfortable. And I said, I don't think your mom needs to sit down right now. I think your mom needs to run. That's what her body, she was trying to go into flight response the whole time. She wanted to run out of the building, she wanted to do this. So I'll never forget this moment where the children got on both sides of their mom, they locked arms, the husband joined and the coroner joined and they all locked arms and they ran down the street. And I remember the sun was shining, they were all crying. But I'm like, there's beauty in these moments of darkness. You know, there can be light in these dark moments. But we're not trained on what to do in these moments. And I think that's what schools are missing because in life we need to be equipped for these moments. We don't necessarily need to know all that we learned in math, if we're honest with ourselves. I don't even remember what those things were called or anything. Yeah, there's a lot in school that we just don't need. But I believe like how we respond in these situations where we understand the brain. So no, you don't need to sit down right now. You actually need to move, move your body and release it. Release the trauma. It doesn't mean it's going away, but it's allowing your body to really process it and regulate yourself. So those are just a few of the stories that don't even have to do with data. You know, we can't really encapsulate that in a percentage. But you can see, like when the dad is sitting front row taking notes on how to be better, or when the mom and her family are running down the street and they're going through trauma, those are the moments that I remember of like, wow, this really can change the world.

[A]

Just that there actually is a system out there. There are tools out there. Right. Because when you go through something like that, I mean, the worst thing is if you're going to then go do something that hurts yourself or hurts other people. So I just think your book is amazing. And what I love about it, Lindsay, is its simplicity and how one section that I just thought this was so good because nobody ever asked this. It's about roots, trees, and growing trees. So it's. So in this book, there's all different tools. Different tools, but they're all so simple. And my thought when I'm reading this book is that, yeah, this is great for teachers, but I would think this is also great for parents or anyone who wants to learn how to regulate their nervous system in a really simple, doable way.

[B]

Yes. And that was my goal, is we needed something for parents too. So every activity has not only the instructions, but a story of how it's used with parents and how it's used in the school setting. And the goal was to be simple, just like your book. Tracy, I have your book right here. Your book is very simple. I feel like, wow, these are BFFs right here. Like they just so have fun together. Because I think both of our brains, we want fun. We want simple. We want tools like get to the. Get to the point. We don't want to sit through a six hour lecture and the last five minutes are a couple tools. Get to the point. I just need some tools. So I. When I read through your book, your book is filled with simple tools as well. But yes, the point was 30 simple tools. You get to decide what works for you. They're categorized into five different themes, those pillars. So the first pillar is the foundation. So before you teach these tools, these are the things that you can do first. You might just do one of five, you might do two of five, whatever works best for you. But the main one in the foundation is teaching the brain that everybody would want to teach first. And then it goes into regulate, connect, reflect, and closure. Because a lot of times in our school settings or even at home, there's certain transitions, like you're going to college and you're leaving our house, or you're going to high school, or you have a new stepparent, you know, I'm getting remarried. All these transitions at home. And same with school, like, you're leaving a classroom where you've built all this connection. Sometimes we forget those closure activities. Those closure activities that provide stability. And, like, this is the end of something that was great, and now we're transitioning to something else. So those are the five pillars. And often foundation, or often closure is. Is forgotten the most because we're just rushing to the next thing. Yeah.

[A]

Especially ADHD brains.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like, next, people, next.

[B]

What's next? Exactly.

[A]

Well, and what I loved about this is just the questions that you ask, like, raise your hand if you've ever been told to just focus. And I'm certain that kids are told that all the time by their parents, by their teachers, by their coaches. And it's like, okay, yeah, but I don't know what the hell that even means. Right. And so it's like, you know, have you been taught how to focus? Raise your hand if you have. Did I repeat that? I'm not sure. But I mean, just basic questions like that, where we're constantly told to do these things, but no one's ever told us how to do them.

[B]

Exactly. And when I asked that question in the trainings, 90% of adults raised their hand that they were told to just focus growing up. And then I say, how many of you were ever taught? And about one or two people raised their hand. And I say, this is the problem that we're solving today because. And we're gonna teach it through play. Like roots, tree, and growing tree. That is a movement activity where they're, like, swaying around. We also do some challenges where they do tree in front of each other and they're mirroring each other, or one person's the silly one, trying to make them fall over, but they can't, of course, they can't touch the person. So we're teaching them, try to stay focused when somebody's distracting you. But we make it fun. Like, they're laughing, and it's enjoyable because that's how they're going to learn is

[A]

through play, and that's how they're going to focus. Right.

[B]

If they're having fun. And so I always say for the teachers who are tied to their content so much is if they can do this for five minutes in tree and stay steady. Do you think they can apply that to their academics? And the answer is yes, because they're training the brain to focus.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Building those neuropathways.

[B]

Exactly. And it all is just practice, you know, just a little bit of practice. Yep. And so doing that every day. And then there's connection activities in there where they get to partner up and do whole group activities and then reflecting on what they learned. One thing about your book is you talked about planning with the vision in mind and being very intentional about, like, planning backwards. And so we even have. Have. It's called Whoop Goals, where we teach them how to set goals by coming up with their wish. So your end goal, what is your wish? And then what is your. Why do you want it? What is your outcome? And then what obstacles could get in your way? Which a lot of goal setting strategies, they don't talk about that. So the O is for obstacles, and then the P is your plan. So whoop goals. And then when we say whoop goals, they're. They're singing like, whoop, there it is. And we put that music. And so every week we set our whoop goals, and then they check in with their accountability buddies. And so that's in here how to communicate is in here how to apologize. A lot of times people just say, oh, just go apologize. Okay, but how. Because if you watch students, a lot of times they'll just be like, sorry.

[A]

Right. Which means nothing. Right. It's like, that's not an apology. But that's what the teacher told me to do.

[B]

Yes. So there's a framework for that. A framework for how to address something when. With somebody. When something's bothering you and realizing that we all have stories in our heads about a situation. So, Tracy, let's say that I was calling you five times and you didn't respond or something. I may create a story that Tracy's mad at me. And so we. We create the awareness to them. Like, if you. If. If I go to Tracy and I say, how dare you? You didn't call me back. That's blaming. So instead, we all have stories in our head. Realize that and come with curiosity. Hey, the story in my head is that you might be really busy. I just wanted to check in. Are you okay? That is way less threatening than coming with blame. And a lot of us, when we feel emotional and we feel rejected or whatever the feeling is, we come with, how dare you? And so it's just teaching basic skills.

[A]

I love it. But it's the stuff, frankly, that nobody teaches us, you know, unless we go out and we figure it out on our own versus buy the book and you can have it all here in one place. Okay, Lindsay, before I let you go, this is fantastic. I want to have you back. What is your number one ADHD workaround?

[B]

Calendaring everything.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Okay. So when people look at my calendar, sometimes they're like, what in the world? Because my memory is just. It's not great. And I want to come through on what I say. I will. So my whole calendar, from when I need to post on social media to when I need to shut off everything and go cuddle my husband. Like, people are like, you put that on your calendar? Like, yes. If I don't, it doesn't get done. You know, I say that I want to have a fulfilling relationship, so then I need to make a plan, make woop. Goals to do that. And I say I want to have a thriving business that really helps people. So I put everything on a calendar and I tend to say yes to projects that are fun and fulfilling. And you may relate to this. I thrive on projects where people are like, can you put together this training? It needs to be done in two months. And, you know, like, when the fires happened, I was down there March 7, and I think the fires happened like, beginning of January. And so it was this challenge of, can you build a website? Can you do the emails? Can you do this? Can you do that? And get hundreds of people in the building? Like, it's just so fun. So I love to say yes to challenges. Fun, simple freedom. Back to the needs of. Of what? Glasser? I really love those needs of. I relate to that. I like to have fun. I like to keep it simple. Freedom, all of those things. So my number one hack is calendaring everything. My number two, three is like fun and challenge. Totally fun and challenge.

[A]

Well, and that's such an ADHD thing, right? That is how we get things done.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If it's not fun, if it is a drain or a bore, I don't care how easy it is, we can't do it.

[B]

Oh, we. We've talked about this before. We can't. We can't even go to trainings where they have ugly PowerPoint slides. I can't even focus when I see a PowerPoint slide and it's white with that one type of typewriter font. And it's just words, my butt. I have a physical reaction. Like, I need things to be visual and fun and entertaining. So, yeah, that's the secret. Ingredients for me.

[A]

And social. Social works too.

[B]

Yes, exactly. Very social.

[A]

Okay, Lindsay, where can people find you if they want to know more about you, what you do, the book, all of it.

[B]

So GenerationWellness.com is where we do trainings and we have a bunch of bundles, online bundles and toolkits and online courses. And then if somebody's interested in a keynote, I do a lot of parent workshops and for schools and organizations. That's Lindsay morris.com. so those two places are where you can find me on social. It's enwellness.

[A]

And this will all be in the show notes. Lindsay, thank you so much for spending time with us here today. I just love this because it was social and work.

[B]

I know. It was fun. And we're both in our pink.

[A]

Wonderful.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Thanks, Lindsay. Thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

So that's what I have for you for today. If you liked this episode with Lindsay, please let us know by leaving a review. Our goal is to change the conversation around adhd, helping as many women as we possibly can learn how their ADHD brains work so that they too may discover their amazing strengths. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you here next week. You've been listening to the ADHD for Smartass Women podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Otsuka. Join us at adhd for smart women.com where you can find more information on my new book, adhd, ADHD for Smartass Women. And my patented you'd ADHD Brain is a okay system to help you get unstuck and fall in love with your brilliant brain. Let's pause here. Have you spent your whole life being told your way is the wrong way? If you try to use systems designed for a neurotypical brain, of course you'll feel like you're failing. But here's the truth. You were never the problem. You just have a different brain. Which means you need different systems. That is exactly why I created the AOK Academy. It's my six step patented framework designed to help you reconnect with your intuition and build systems based on your unique strengths. Let me help you reconnect with your intuition, trust yourself again, and build a life that actually works for you. You've had the answers all along. I'll help you see them. Look, it's time to stop second guessing and start trusting yourself again. Find the link in the show notes to sign up or book a free discovery call. Now let's get back to it.