← ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka
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Before we start, a quick note. If you've been listening to this podcast and thinking, I need more than insight, I need support. This is for you. Your ADHD brain is not broken. It just never came with a map. That is why I created your ADHD Brain is a okay Academy. It's my patented step by step framework to help you build a life. And that finally fits how your brain works. Ready to get started? Click the link in the show notes to sign up or book a free discovery call with me now. On with the show. Richard Branson, Michael Phelps, Justin Timberlake, James Carville. Wait a minute. Where are the women? Greta Gerwig, Lisa Ling, Audra McDonald, Simone Biles. That sounds like a list of highly successful titans in a variety of industries. They all have adhd, but you don't hear much about that now, do you? You know what else you don't hear about are the 43% of people with ADHD who are in excellent mental health. Why aren't we talking about them and what they are doing? I'm your host, Tracy Adsuka, and that's exactly what we do here. I'm a lawyer, not a doctor, a lifelong student, and now the author of my new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. I'm also a certified ADHD coach. And the creator of youf ADHD Brain is aok, a patented system that helps ADHD women just like you get unstuck and fall in love with their brilliant brains. Here we embrace our too muchness and we focus on our strengths. My guests and I credit our ADHD for some of our greatest gifts. And to those who still think they're too much, too impulsive, too scattered, too disorganized, I say no one ever made a difference by being too little. Hi, I'm Tracy Otsuka. Welcome to ADHD for Smartass Women. This is where we challenge the old narratives about ADHD and we replace them with some something that's more accurate and a lot more inspiring. Today's episode is a solo one, and it's about something that is likely hiding in plain sight. Clutter. More importantly, it's about the relationship between clutter and your ADHD brain. So if you're anything like most of us with adhd, you might have a pile of papers on the dining table that's quietly become, oh, I don't know, your second office or a cabinet that you have avoid opening because you don't want to deal with it. Maybe it's the trunk of your car or the infamous junk drawer that literally lives up to its Name. Look, decluttering isn't just about organizing your stuff. It's about creating space. Creating space for more focus, for more clarity, for more ease. But for the ADHD brain, that can often be easier said than done. So today we're going to untangle this. I am going to show you why clutter builds up for our brains and why it's not your fault. We're going to talk about what clutter does to your identity, your energy and your confidence, and how to use tapping to shift the emotional stuckness around it. Most importantly, I'm going to show you how to start by taking the smallest, smartest step forward. Forward. Because ultimately, that's the goal. It's not a color coded pantry. It's not a perfect house. It's not a Pinterest worthy desk. It is one shift forward that just makes your life a whole lot easier. So why does clutter just feel so impossible? First, because ADHD brains often struggle with what people call object permanence. But it's not the same thing as babies go through. We don't actually think something. Something disappears just because we can't see it. What really happens is that if something isn't in front of us or it's not urgent or exciting, our brains, well, they just stop tracking it. So it's not about laziness, it's not about not caring. ADHD brains are just wired to focus on what's happening right now. So if your shopping list is in your purse or your friend isn't texting you, it's easy to forget they exist. Or until someone or something reminds you, that's not a baby brain. It's just a different kind of adult brain. If we don't see it, we often forget it. So what do we do? We leave things out. Papers on the counter, sticky notes all over our laptop. Because for us, out of sight isn't just out of mind. It can literally be gone. Right? It's just gone. Poof. Forgotten. Sometimes forever. The problem is that this creates a snowball. The visual noise becomes overwhelming. It hijacks our attention, it spikes our stress, and it makes our brain feel like a browser with 97 tabs that are all open. What do they say while music is playing on one of them, but you can't figure out which one it is? Has that ever happened to you? It has totally happened to me. Usually it's not music, though, it's someone talking. So what happens then? There's decision fatigue, right? Everything. You look at, every shirt you haven't worn in five Years, every half finished project, every stack of unopened email or mail. It's a tiny, unresolved decision. Do I keep this? Do I deal with it now? Where does it go? And that kind of mental bandwidth burn is just exhausting for ADHD brains. So what do we do? We avoid it. And then comes the shame. We start to tell ourselves stories like, I should be able to keep my house clean. Everyone else manages this. Why can't I? What is wrong with me? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. What's really going on is this. ADHD brains get overwhelmed more easily. We feel emotions more intensely, and we often freeze when it's not clear to us how to begin something. And clutter, well, that's the perfect storm. But clutter isn't just a result of adhd. It's also a reinforcer of it. It keeps you stuck in the old identity, the overwhelmed one, the chaotic one, the version of you who never finishes what she starts. But the flip side to that is every time you clear even one drawer, one shelf, one tiny little pile, you are physically and energetically declaring, that's not who I am anymore. You're saying, I am the kind of person who creates space for the life I want. Not perfection, not minimalism, just enough space for your brain to breathe. That's the shift here. And I've lived this. When my daughter was born, I bought everything for scrapbooking. The paper, the stickers, the corner punches, the plastic sleeves, those archival pens. If it existed, I owned it all. And it was expensive. I wanted so badly to track her life, to capture every moment. But guess what? I only made four pages, four of her entire life. Because every time I sat down to start, it wasn't fun. It was pressure. I wanted it to be perfect. I didn't want to mess it up. And that perfectionism, plus the ADHD overwhelm, it completely paralyzed me. So while that scrapbook wasn't exactly physical clutter kind of became physical clutter. There was so much stuff. It definitely, though, was mental clutter, emotional clutter. The kind of invisible pressure that builds up in our ADHD brains and can keep us from doing the things we care about most. Now I look back and I'm just so jealous of parents who now have iPhones. They've got timelines and videos and dates. I don't remember when my daughter took her first steps. I know it was really late. I want to say, like 19 months. I certainly don't know when she lost her first tooth. I don't know when she said her first word. And I don't even know what her first word was, but I really, really, really wanted to remember. But I was so buried under the pressure of there's only one way to do it and you have to do it right, that I often missed what I was actually living. I did have scraps of paper with things written on them, but hell if I know where they are today. I did not have a way to organize any of this. And in my mind, there was one way to do it and that was it. And I just kept kicking it down the road. I was going to do it later, and later never came. So now I'm in the process of moving and leaving our home of 25 years. So I'm hopeful I'm going to find those pieces of paper with this important information somewhere. The only problem is I don't think I have these same notes for my son. I think by then I had given up. The crazy thing is my mom had four kids. I was the oldest and she used the same baby book for all of us. But she pretty much only has this information for me. And then for my siblings, it's really, really spotty. So she struggled with the same thing. And I guess having four kids, there's even more of an excuse, right? So now let's talk about a strategy to shift the overwhelm. Before you take action, I want to talk to you about tapping. So what tapping does is it helps ADHD brains get unstuck by calming the fight or flight response and lowering stress fast. So instead of pushing the frustration down, we give it a voice. And in doing that, what we're telling our nervous system is, you're safe, you're okay, and you don't have to panic. And that's when clarity comes in. Tapping, it's a form of somatic therapy. So it's of the body and it's backed by hundreds of studies. And what makes it so powerful is that it literally disconnects the emotion from the thought. So when you think about that stressful thing later, it just doesn't hit you the same way. You're clear, you're grounded, you can actually move forward. In Australia, tapping is the first line of defense for anxiety. It's what a doctor will prescribe. The Veterans Administration here in the United States uses it to treat ptsd. Kaiser, which is the largest health management organization in the United States, offers it for anxiety and stress. So this is not some fringe thing. It's evidence based. And I'm telling you, it actually works. And once you try it you will be able to feel the shift for yourself. And you can use tapping for anything that dysregulates your nervous system. So I'm going to do a quick tapping exercise with you. And if you go to our show notes, you can download our quick Start Tapping guide, which will walk you through what we're doing here. So you don't need to remember any of it. You can just take a look at the guide. So this is how we are going to use tapping to reduce clutter, overwhelm. Okay, so step one. The first thing you're going to do is identify the feeling. I want you to start by thinking of one cluttered space. Maybe it's a drawer. Maybe it's your desk. Maybe it's your closet. Maybe it's the desktop on your computer. You're just going to pick one small cluttered space. And I want you to get into your body and I want you to notice when you think about this space, what does it bring up for you? Is it overwhelm? Is it embarrassment? Is it anxiety? Is it shame? Now I want you to rate the intensity that you feel that feeling on a scale from 0 to 10. Okay, so 0 is as calm as you've ever felt. You feel nothing from it. No charge whatsoever. No emotional charge. 10 is as distressed as you've ever felt. So 0 to 10, write it down so you don't forget it. How overwhelmed do you feel? How full of shame do you feel? How stressed do you feel? Whatever the emotion is, 0 through 10, pick a number. Okay, next we're going to take a deep breath in for a count of four. And you're going to exhale it out, Blow it out for a count of eight. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. You want your exhale to be twice as long as your inhale. One more time, inhale for a count of four and then exhale for a count of eight. And let's begin. So we're always going to start with the karate chop point, which is on the side of the hand. And you can repeat after me. But it's always better if you have your own words. You know, we're creatures of specificity. And so it's almost like if the words aren't exact, things don't work for us. So I was trained in tapping by Dr. Dawson Church, who's responsible for conducting most of the research on tapping. And there's a specific phrase that is used for this part, and it's even though I feel overwhelmed or whatever, you'd fill in the blank. I'm Feeling overwhelmed by this clutter, I deeply and completely accept myself. And that deeply and completely accept myself. It always sounded weirdly woo woo to me, so I changed it. And you may as well. You can say whatever feels right to you. Again. We're creatures of specificity. Words matter to us. So choose words that you resonate with. Okay, so let's start. You're gonna do two or three fingers on the karate chop point. And pretty even pressure. Even though I feel overwhelmed by this clutter, you know, on my desk or in my closet or my car, I am allowed to feel how I feel. Those are the words that I choose. Even though I've avoided this for a long time, I'm allowed to feel how I feel. Even though I feel stuck and ashamed, I'm allowed to feel how I feel. Even though I've wanted to do this for so long and I haven't, I'm allowed to feel how I feel. Okay, so you're just gonna. Whatever comes up for you, you're just gonna tap on that karate chop point and you're gonna say it. So the whole point is you want to verbalize it and process it and get it out of your body. Okay. And into the world. Now we're going to tap on eight parts of our body five to seven times. And I just want to quickly go over the eight parts of our body. I always start at the top of the head five to seven times. Okay. Then there's the eyebrow. And it's right there where the eyebrow bone, you know, meets the bridge of the nose. And then there's the side of the eye. And then there's under the eye, under the nose, the chin, where your collarbone is about 1 inch below. I call it the collarbone, but no, it's one inch below. And then underneath the arm kind of at where the top of your bra is. Okay. So those are the eight parts of our body we're going to tap into. Okay. And so the first sequence that I'm going to do is I'm going to acknowledge the clutter and the emotion behind it. Top of the head, all this clutter. Eyebrow. It's been sitting here for too long. Side of the eye. And I keep telling myself I should have dealt with it by now. Under the eye. But I haven't. And that makes me feel worse. Under the nose, it's not just clutter, it's decisions I haven't made. Chin and stories I haven't let go. Collarbone, I feel it weighing on me. Under the arm, it feels like too much. Then the Next sequence is we're going to name the overwhelm and resistance. Top of the head. And I just want to avoid it. Eyebrow. I don't have the time. Side of the eye. It feels like way too big of a task. Under the eye. I'll never be able to do this. Under the nose. I can't even start. Chin. Because there's just too much overwhelm. Collarbone. Even before the room is clean or the desk is clean or the drawer is clean. Underarm. I choose progress over pressure. And then the final section. Section three. We're going to make space for ease and moving forward. And this is where the optimist comes in. Okay, so the top of the head. And I'm allowed to make this easier. Eyebrow. Maybe I don't have to fix everything today. Side of the eye. Maybe I can just take one small step under the eye and let that be enough. Under the nose. I don't have to earn peace by doing it all at once. Chin. I get to feel good now. Or maybe I get to feel better now. Collarbone. Even before anything changes. Under the arm. I choose progress over pressure. Okay, so now I want you to take a deep breath in and exhale it out. Let's pause here. Have you spent your whole life being told your way is the wrong way? If you try to use systems designed for a neurotypical brain, of course you'll feel like you're failing. But here's the truth. You were never the problem. You just have a different brain. Which means you need different systems. That is exactly why I created the A OK Academy. It's my six step patented framework designed to help you reconnect with your intuition and build systems based on your unique strengths. Let me help you reconnect with your intuition. Trust yourself again and build a life that actually works for you. You've had the answers all along. I'll help you see them. Look, it's time to stop second guessing and start trusting yourself again. Find the link in the show notes to sign up or book a free discovery call. Now let's get back to it. And I want you to think about that cluttered space again. I want you to check in with your body and I want you to re rate the number you started with. You are a seven. Did it come down to a five? Has it come down even just a little? That means that you have learned how to regulate your own nervous system, which is huge. You can use tapping anytime. The overwhelm creeps in. It's not about motivation. It's about emotion and Regulating your nervous system first. We're always trying to down regulate our nervous system because when we feel better, we feel more positive emotion, then we are able to move forward. When we're full of shame and negative emotion, that is when we actually get stuck. And just so you know, all you need to do, you know, go to the tapping quick start guide. The link is in our show notes and it goes through all the different eight parts on the body. And you can literally just talk to yourself while you are going through all these eight points or you can even not talk. Sometimes talking is the last thing you want to do. But you can just tap on those eight points and you will feel more emotionally regulated when you're done. Okay, so I want you to do one round of tapping before you try to clean anything. Remember, regulate first, then we act. And that is how ADHD momentum works. Again, you can find our tapping quick start in our show notes. Okay, so now let's go to strategy and support. Okay, let's take another deep breath in and blow it all the way out. You have just calmed your nervous system, you've survived the emotional landmine of your clutter, and hopefully you've dropped your sudscore a few notches. That is a total win. And you know, you can just keep doing it to get your suds score to come down lower and lower. So now let's talk about strategy. Because this is not about becoming a minimalist or turning into Marie Kondo overnight. It's about finding smart, doable ways to make your brain go, oh, wait a minute, I know how I can start. I can start, right? Okay, so here are four ADHD friendly strategies to keep you moving forward and stop you from freezing. Okay, the first strategy is to create a start signal. The key to making decluttering sustainable is to remove friction and create signals that prime your brain for focus. A start signal is anything small that tells your brain, hey, it's time to shift. And it might be something, you know, a ritual you create around, like lighting a candle when you're going to start decluttering, or starting a podcast, an audiobook, or a playlist. If you're a music person, it could be you put on a certain hoodie or you have certain get stuff done shoes, or you put your hair in a ponytail. The object doesn't matter. It's the association that your brain makes with the object that, hey, this is my, you know, it's time to shift strategy. Your ADHD brain will work so much better with rituals instead of rules. So dump the discipline and look for where you can build clarity around what works for you and your brain. So if you always try to declutter in chaos, you're going to stay in chaos. Your brain needs to move from reactive chaos to intentional action. So if you light the same candle or turn on the same five song playlist each time, your brain begins to connect that signal with action. You've learned by then, right? Oh, that works for my brain. So you can reach for it and you start to trust it. Second strategy. Start with what you see. Don't go looking for trouble. Do not open every cabinet. Start with one spot that you see every day. That visual clutter is what's draining your energy. It's what makes your brain feel like it's never done. So start there. Number three. Third strategy. Rename it Language matters. Stop calling it a junk drawer. That just makes your brain believe it's hopeless. Right? Everybody has a junk drawer. It's always full of junk. I renamed mine to the utility drawer. It holds useful things and only useful things. It's not a dumping ground. And if I throw something in there, I make sure that at least once a week, while I'm walking through it, I'll open it up and I'll get rid of the things that. That are not useful. You can rename your clutter zones, too. Try the charging station, the project shelf, the reset tray. Give it a name that gives it a job. Strategy number four. Make it about how you want to feel. Don't clean because you should clean because you want to feel different. You want to feel better, lighter, clearer. Start by asking, how do I want to feel when I walk into this space or by this space? Anchor the task to that feeling. That's what makes it stick. Okay, so now that you've done the emotional work, this is what I recommend you do today. Or if it's really late, first thing in the morning, I want you to, right now, pick one surface that you can clear in five minutes tops. It can be your desk, your nightstand, the passenger seat in your car. Don't organize it. Don't perfect it. Just clear it. Let your brain see space. Let your body feel what it's like to finish something. And then this is so important. I want you to pay attention to how you feel. You probably feel proud of yourself. You did that thing. So how does it feel to feel proud of yourself? Well, that's a spike of dopamine. You learned how to spike your own dopamine. And then, guess what? Every time you go by that space, even a year later sometimes. You know, if you had pictures sitting on the baseboards or propped up against the baseboards because you've been meaning to hang a picture or two pictures every single time you walk by that, that's negative emotion. Oh, look, there's another thing that I haven't done. I'm not reliable. I'm not trustworthy to myself. The minute you put those photos up on the wall every single time you walk by it, hey, there's evidence. I do things that matter to me. I can get things done. I am reliable to me. I can trust myself. Right? So I want your whole house to start giving you positive emotion, pride in yourself, one area at a time. Then it's not just a clean corner, it's literally dopamine. It's a nervous system. Reset. One shift, one win. That's all. You're going for it. So I want you to go do it now and then message me back and let me know how it feels. Okay? So that's what I've got for you for this week. If this episode resonated, do me a favor and leave a review. Not for my ego, although they do feel good. But for the woman who hasn't found us yet. We are changing the conversation around adhd one episode at a time, one smartass woman at a time. Thanks for being here and I'll see you next week. You've been listening to the ADHD for Smartass Women podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Otsuka. Join us at adhd for smartwomen.com where you can find more information on my new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. And my patented you ADHD brain is a okay system to help you get unstuck and fall in love with with your brilliant brain. Let's pause here. Have you spent your whole life being told your way is the wrong way? If you try to use systems designed for a neurotypical brain, of course you'll feel like you're failing. But here's the truth. You were never the problem. You just have a different brain. Which means you need different systems. That is exactly why I created the AOK Academy. It's my six step patented framework designed to help you reconnect with your intuition and build systems based on your unique strengths. Let me help you reconnect with your intuition, trust yourself again, and build a life that actually works for you. You've had the answers all along. I'll help you see them. Look, it's time to stop second guessing and start trusting yourself again. Find the link in the show notes to sign up or book a free discovery call. Now. Let's get back to it.