Episode Summary: ADHD reWired 537 | Coaches Roundtable - Legacy and Bucket List Planning (S36w7)

Main Theme:
This episode of ADHD reWired brings together host Eric Tivers and coaches Brian Antler and Kristen Martz for Week 7 of the Coaches Roundtable series. The focus is on planning for the long term—legacy, mortality, and bucket list dreams. The coaches discuss why integrating these big, sometimes uncomfortable questions into ADHD planning is crucial for living an intentional, fulfilling life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Talk About Legacy and Mortality? (02:29–06:25)

• Eric introduces Week 7 as "the Big Heart Week," highlighting its emotional depth.
• It's not enough to "plan better"; it's vital to "plan better things," stretching thinking beyond day-to-day tasks to life's big priorities.
• Brian explains that ADHD adults often focus on keeping up with everyday demands, which can crowd out dream-building or legacy-focused planning:

  “We tend to be, we try to be workaholics and try to be more productive... But where is the leftover energy to work on lifelong stuff, our dreams, our goals, our hopes?” (04:25, Brian)

• The group confronts procrastination by introducing the concept that “the infinite now” is a bias—time is finite, so we must act while we can.

Quote:

“It's kind of the ultimate why statement. We don't have an unlimited amount of time to get this stuff done.”
— Brian Antler (06:13)

2. The Emotional Weight & Urgency of Facing Mortality (06:36–10:21)

• Eric uses storytelling to make the topic resonate, referencing his friend Tom Nardone, who faced a brain tumor:

  “We always think that that happens to other people... learn as if you’re going to live forever, but live as if you might die tomorrow. Because we don’t know.” (07:32–08:00)

• Recognizing life’s unpredictability as a motivator for not putting off personal dreams.
• The conversation acknowledges the challenge, especially when death, illness, or tragedy have touched group members—but emphasizes its importance:

  “How many people say on their deathbed they wish they would have worked more? None.” (08:43, Eric)

• Setting even one or two meaningful goals per year is attainable and can be life-changing.

3. Practical Legacy Planning & Rediscovering Dreams (10:55–12:51)

• Kristen shares that practical to-dos (like writing wills for parents) initially surfaced, but members also recognized a need for "dreamier" goals.
• Many struggle to develop a bucket list, experiencing an “aha” moment on how they’d stopped dreaming:

  “One of the members was like, when the hell did I stop being a dreamer? Because they struggled with completing that list... but then was very excited that got that aha.” (11:53, Kristen)

4. The Power of Bucket Lists: Action, Joy, and Identity (12:52–16:56)

• Celebrating when members return and have completed previous bucket list items—a sign that planning and follow-through are working.
• Brian recounts how the AIDS Life Cycle ride went from an aspirational dream to an annual accomplishment thanks to adding it to his bucket list:

  “I realized I’m not getting any younger, so I went for it. After season 22, I made it my goal, and now I’m going to be doing my third one next week.” (13:35)

• Eric relates the importance of fun and permission to dream (15:35):

  “It gives people also permission to listen to their inner almost child... these things that are playful and just fun.”

Quotes:

“The first step for planning something big is to schedule the time to plan the big thing.”
— Eric Tivers (15:35)

“Just because you put it on the list doesn’t mean you have to do it... Am I being able to do 100 things on my bucket list in my lifetime? Probably not. If I do half of them, if I do a quarter, I think I would say I lived a damn good life.”
— Eric Tivers (16:12)

5. Flexibility, Surprise, and Kudoing Ourselves (16:56–18:17)

• Kristen encourages members to celebrate unexpected joys—retroactively adding "bonus" experiences to their bucket lists and giving themselves credit.

  “If it does something that falls in your lap, to recognize it and go, oh my gosh, if I’d known this was a thing, it had been on my bucket list, I’m adding it to it and putting that check.” (16:56, Kristen)

• Allowing for imaginative and even fantastical bucket list items, e.g., living to 100, space travel, astral projection.

6. Playful Reflections and Memorable Stories (18:23–21:46)

• Eric shares a humorous story about accidentally booking a clothing-optional campsite, discovering joy and vulnerability in the unexpected:

  “Vulnerability is like such... I love vulnerability, to be able to have conversations with people who are just not wearing clothes. And it’s not sexual. It’s just like pure vulnerability. It was an amazing experience for me.” (20:44, Eric)

• Brian jokes:

  “Any campground can be a clothing optional campground if you want it to be.” (21:30)

• The episode has a light, supportive tone—even when topics are deep or challenging. Banter among coaches underscores a caring, connected ADHD community.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Brian Antler: “If we're just doing the drudge work and not doing any of that work [that brings joy], you know, we're gonna... It's gonna be a lot more difficult to lead a whole, healthy, fully engaged life.” (05:54)
• Eric Tivers: “We really try to give members that hope and that courage and that confidence that I actually can start planning a more intentional life with these longer term goals, these longer term dreams and start actually making them a reality.” (09:58)
• Kristen Martz: “When the hell did I stop being a dreamer?” (11:54)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:29 — Why legacy and mortality are part of ADHD coaching groups
• 04:25–05:54 — The danger of becoming productivity-focused at the expense of meaningful living
• 06:36–08:45 — Facing mortality to create urgency and intentionality in planning
• 10:55–12:51 — Practical legacy actions & rediscovering lost dreams
• 13:26–14:51 — Real-life transformation: Brian’s AIDS Life Cycle ride goal
• 15:35–16:56 — Planning big goals; the joy and flexibility of bucket lists
• 16:56–18:17 — “Kudoing” ourselves and celebrating unexpected adventures
• 20:44–21:46 — Eric’s clothing-optional camping story: surprise, vulnerability, and growth

Takeaways

• Embracing legacy and mortality in planning pushes us to prioritize what truly matters.
• Bucket lists aren’t just aspirational—they are practical, flexible, and living tools for joy.
• ADHD adults may need structured reminders to nurture dreams, not just to-do lists.
• Sharing dreams and vulnerable moments fosters connection and celebrates neurodiversity.

Final Thoughts

The episode balances deep reflection with playfulness, reminding listeners that long-term planning is both urgent and joyful. Bucket lists offer a way to reclaim lost dreams, break out of productivity traps, and make life with ADHD richer, more intentional, and more meaningfully connected.