ADHD reWired Episode 541 | Are You Addicted to Your Screen?

Guest: Alex Basche, LMFT
Host: Eric Tivers, LCSW, ADHD-CCSP
Release Date: July 25, 2024

Episode Overview

In this episode, Eric Tivers interviews Alex Basche, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in digital behavioral addictions with an emphasis on ADHD, anxiety, and OCD, particularly in adolescents and young adults. Their conversation digs deep into the realities of “screen addiction”—what it means, how it manifests, and practical strategies for managing digital behaviors in a world designed to keep us hooked. The discussion is especially timely for neurodivergent adults and parents, exploring both the challenges and real-world solutions of living with ADHD in the age of ubiquitous screens.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

What is Behavioral Addiction? [03:12–04:38]

• Definition: Addiction marked by mood changes, withdrawal symptoms, conflict, and “salience”—the problem behavior becomes the top priority, taking precedence over basic needs like eating, sleeping, and hygiene.
• Behavioral addiction isn’t strictly about how many hours are spent, but how it impacts various life domains.
• Alex: “Salience, basically, is that the activity has become the most important thing in their life. So it's prioritized over everything else...” [03:53]

Level of Insight and Recognition [04:38–05:28]

• Eric asks: Do most problematic users realize their behavior is an issue?
• Alex: Adults often have some awareness, usually due to social or job-related consequences.

Alex’s Journey into This Work [05:28–06:43]

• Observed a gap in treatment for gaming/digital addictions compared to anxiety or depression.
• Alex: “Parents were going to, you know, four, five, six different therapists, and it wasn't working out. ...no one was really addressing it, at least in the Bay Area.” [05:38]

Recovery Experience and Its Influence [06:43–07:17]

• While Alex’s own recovery focus was on substance use, his familiarity with recovery language and philosophy informs much of his therapeutic approach.
• Quotes like “progress not perfection” and “this too shall pass” are borrowed from that world.

Game Transfer Phenomena Explained [07:28–08:54]

• A sensory phenomenon where gaming experiences intrude into real life—e.g., hearing in-game music after shutting off the game, or expecting real-life objects to “respawn.”
• Comparable to nurses hearing phantom beeps after shifts.

Interventions for Digital Addiction [08:54–13:34]

Motivational Interviewing & Value Discrepancy

• Clients draw pie charts of current vs. ideal time use.
• A focus on values—identifying the disconnect between what matters most and actual behavior.
• Alex: “Highlighting that...is a really good way to bring that insight. And it’s completely non-judgmental.” [10:27]

Harm Reduction

• Complete abstinence often unrealistic (unlike for substances).
• Emphasis on filling life with other valued activities to crowd out problematic use.
• Alex: “By the time all that's done, there's not that much time left for gaming or gambling.” [12:41]

Manipulative Game Design & Industry Practices [13:34–15:25]

• Game companies employ behavioral specialists to increase addictiveness.
• Alex: “A lot of them will hire psychologists, behavior specialists, who will...teach them how to best manipulate and harness the dopamine reward process.” [14:12]
• Even with insight, addiction can override rational thought—“even though you have full insight, your brain is still hijacked.” [15:09]

Digital Hygiene for Neurodivergent Brains [15:25–17:31]

• Use of apps to moderate screen time.
• Stack-ranking digital activities by satisfaction, reminding clients to be intentional with online engagement.
• Regular cost-benefit analysis: “Am I checking Reddit...because it's a reflex or...genuinely interested in learning something new?” [16:38]

Bridging the Intention-Action Gap for ADHD [17:31–20:57]

• Willpower isn’t always available for ADHD brains; technology-based solutions (parental locks, accountability buddies) help fill the gap.
• Eric’s strategy: Moves apps to break patterns or uses accountability tools to counteract mindless scrolling.

Shame and the Power of Connection [20:57–22:22]

• Accountability and transparency—sharing screen time stats with a buddy—can help reduce secrecy and shame.
• Alex: “There's an old saying that says the opposite of addiction is connection. ...It's hard to be the only person who is using when you're surrounded by people that are in recovery.” [21:41]

Screen Time, Socialization, and Parenting Strategies

Kids, Gaming, and Social Connection [30:15–32:00]

• For many neurodivergent kids, screen time (especially gaming and Discord) is a primary source of social interaction.
• Alex: “That is, again, hands down, in my opinion, the most effective approach... trying to not infantilize, but also to not pathologize...” [31:23]
• Collaboration and mutual trust between parents and children are key.

Collaborative Boundaries and Trust-But-Verify Model [35:01–37:04]

• Establish shared agreements and consequences up front—ideally, the child proposes their own consequences.
• Use checks—“trust but verify” in practice.

Differentiating Types of Screen Time [36:33–37:53]

• Not all screen time is equal—actively creating or socializing is different from passive consumption (e.g., mindless YouTube browsing).
• Example: Jump-Powered TV—Eric requires his son to jump on a trampoline while watching passive content to integrate movement and limit passive watching.

Supporting Interests and Embracing Discomfort [38:21–40:09]

• Instead of shutting down streaming/content-making ambitions, engage kids in following projects through so they can learn from the process and discover if it matches their expectations.
• Value of letting kids “sit in discomfort” and not always rescue them from it.

Digital Detox and Short-Term Interventions [40:09–41:10]

• Digital detoxes or retreats can have a place, but rarely offer lasting change.
• Alex: “Usually as humans, we don't respond very well to extreme measures like that. They tend not to be very effective.” [40:55]

Setting Realistic Screen Time Limits [41:10–42:25]

• No universal “magic number” for screen time; context is key.
• Use tools like pie charts and collaborative negotiation as a family. Refer to resources like the Screen Time Action Network.

Modeling and Family Media Plans [42:25–44:03]

• Address issues as a family—parents also recognize their own screen struggles.
• Use rituals and shared activities to replace screen time and build family connection.
• Programs like the Family Media Plan (from Screen Time Action Network) encourage collaborative rule-setting.

Reconciling Rules with Real Life [44:03–46:32]

• Not all “exceptions” to screen rules (e.g., watching a show together at dinner) are negative if they foster connection and conversation.
• Eric: “I'm telling you, it has sparked so many amazing conversations, ...we are both actually enjoying it.” [44:56]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Salience, basically, is that the activity has become the most important thing in their life. So it's prioritized over everything else..." — Alex [03:53]
• "The opposite of addiction is connection." — Alex [21:41]
• "Willpower is not on will call...” — Eric [18:05]
• "We're trying to not infantilize, but also to not pathologize..." — Alex [31:23]
• "Highlighting that...is a really good way to bring that insight. And it’s completely non-judgmental." — Alex [10:27]
• "Usually as humans, we don't respond very well to extreme measures like that." — Alex on digital detoxes [40:55]
• "You don't say someone who watches a lot of soccer...is addicted to it." — Alex, on double standards [48:38]

Important Timestamps

• 03:12 — Definition of behavioral addiction
• 07:28 — Game transfer phenomena explained
• 08:54 — Interventions and motivational interviewing
• 13:34 — Industry manipulation and dopamine “hijacking”
• 15:46 — Practical digital hygiene strategies
• 17:31 — Intention-action gap and pattern interruption
• 20:57 — Personal experiences with video game compulsion
• 21:41 — “Opposite of addiction is connection” quote
• 30:15 — Social needs of neurodivergent kids and gaming
• 35:01 — Collaborative agreements and verifying compliance
• 38:21 — Supporting digital content creation ambitions
• 40:09 — Efficacy of digital detox
• 44:56 — Watching TV at dinner and quality conversations
• 48:38 — Comparing digital addiction to other intense interests

Resources Mentioned

• Screen Time Action Network: https://www.screentimenetwork.org/
• Family Media Plan (tool for collaborative family agreements)
• Fair Play: Screen Time Action Network — Advocacy group aiming to regulate manipulative digital design

Alex Basche’s website: resetfromtech.com

Final Notes & Takeaways

• Digital addiction is best understood through its impact on multiple life domains, rather than simple time limits.
• Interventions work best when collaborative, shame-free, and grounded in empathy—no one-size-fits-all solutions exist.
• The key, especially for ADHD brains, is intention, structure, and compassionate accountability—using tools, reflection, and mutual support to bridge the gap between knowing and doing.
• Not all screen time is created equal; focus on quality, not just quantity.
• Seek help if you notice significant impairment across different areas of life, and use available resources to build healthier digital habits.

For more resources or to contact Alex, visit resetfromtech.com. For ADHD coaching and community, visit adhdrewired.com.

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