560 How to Finish Anything with Paulette Perhach

Summary

ADHD reWired, Episode 560: "How to Finish Anything with Paulette Perhach"

Air Date: January 22, 2026
Host: Eric Tivers, LCSW, ADHD-CCSP
Guest: Paulette Perhach

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Eric Tivers welcomes writer, coach, and New York Times contributor Paulette Perhach to discuss her framework for finishing creative projects—especially for adults with ADHD. Paulette shares the "FINISH" acronym, detailing six essential elements to overcome distraction, procrastination, and overwhelm. Together, they candidly explore ADHD realities, effective strategies, embracing accommodations, and cultivating self-compassion while pursuing creative success.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Paulette’s ADHD Journey and Embracing Accommodations

• Diagnosis Story (03:31–08:09): Paulette was diagnosed at 38, transforming her self-understanding and freeing her from long-held shame about productivity struggles.
  • “My version of consistency is that I get back up every time I fall down.” (03:31, Paulette)
• Paulette reflects on differentiating between luxury and necessary accommodations, describing travel and scheduling challenges, and the need to advocate for herself unapologetically.
  • “Somebody actually said that to you?” (08:52, Eric)
  • “I have ADHD. I get myself the accommodations I need.” (08:09, Paulette)

The Reality of ADHD Struggles & Creative Work

• Paulette and Eric exchange anecdotes about the constant need to develop systems and self-forgiveness for ongoing challenges (travel, planning, finances). Both strongly advocate for self-compassion and seeking out supportive environments.
  • “Excel is the brain I was born without.” (12:31, Paulette)

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The "FINISH" Framework: Six Elements to Help You Complete Anything

Paulette introduces her FINISH system (14:37), designed specifically for ADHD brains and creative work:

1. Fake Stakes (F)

• Description: Engineer urgency and emotional investment using external motivators—deadlines, accountability partners, public commitments, monetary investment.
  • “You need to feel an emotion about whatever you’re doing. If you don’t have an answer to the question ‘what would happen if I didn’t write today?’, what are you probably going to do? …You’re not going to write today.” (13:36, Paulette)
  • “It’s another form of sort of engineered urgency.” (15:02, Eric)
• Action: Set up fake but meaningful deadlines, join groups, or tell others your goal.

2. Increment (I)

• Description: Break tasks down to tiny, manageable chunks and focus on incremental progress, especially on hard days.
  • “I need to edit and rewrite 500 words a day... what that does is it gives you that little dopamine hit every single day of, like, bing, I did it.” (15:10, Paulette)
  • “What is the smallest thread you can hang onto to still be touching your work? Sometimes it’s literally, open the document.” (16:15, Paulette)
• Action: Set micro-goals, even if just reading a page or opening your project.

3. Nix (N)

• Description: Aggressively eliminate distractions and excess priorities, both digital (apps like Freedom) and environmental (e.g., removing a TV).
  • “I don’t have a TV in my house... I watch TV on my laptop. It is sad and not that fun.” (16:50, Paulette)
  • “What is the one thing you are doing right now? ...Everything else can be later.” (17:51, Paulette)
• Strategies:
  • Use tech blockers (Freedom)
  • Limit screens or clutter
  • Sticky notes to externalize what you’re NOT doing (per Eric and Ellen Brown, 18:46)

4. Immerse (I)

• Description: Deliberately create conditions for deep focus—including routines like a weekly “Writer’s Refresh” admin session or designating 'cave time’ to minimize worry about other obligations.
  • “I have a weekly meeting with myself to just do the admin, the things that are important but not urgent.” (23:33, Paulette)
  • “When I’ve done [the planning], then I know that at 7am... I am safe to truly immerse in that hyperfocus.” (24:09, Paulette)
• Tip: On bad brain days, scale back routine to essentials and prioritize key tasks (26:56).

5. Share (S)

• Description: Leverage community, body-doubling, and group accountability. Sharing both struggles and wins reduces shame, increases motivation, and fosters belonging.
  • “We know with ADHD that body doubling is huge.” (27:08, Paulette)
  • “It feels sacred...to have someone come to you and be like, can I be, like, 10 notches more human than we’re allowed to be normally?” (30:48, Paulette)
• Action: Join co-working or accountability groups, find writing buddies, or share progress/struggles with others.

6. Hype (H)

• Description: Actively manage emotional and mental state—embrace self-compassion, positive self-talk, and do things (exercise, meditation) that restore energy and hope.
  • “This is about managing your mental and emotional state and hyping yourself back up.” (32:03, Paulette)
  • “You just need to have self compassion. You just need to, like, love yourself. And I just remember, like, crying even harder and being like, I can’t.” (33:03, Paulette)
  • “The thought that we don’t deserve self-compassion is a thought that is basically...a version of shame. And when we are carrying shame, it is virtually impossible to move forward.” (33:54, Eric)

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Memorable Quotes & Powerful Moments

• On Redefining Consistency:
  • “My version of consistency is that I get back up every time I fall down.” (03:31, Paulette)
• On Accommodations:
  • “Is this a luxury or is this an accommodation?” (09:08, Paulette)
• On Group Support:
  • “When you love someone who has the same struggles as you, it helps you love yourself in those struggles.” (36:18, Paulette)
• On Hyperfocus & Systems:
  • “Excel is the brain I was born without.” (12:31, Paulette)
• On Self-Compassion:
  • “I can still love myself and I can pick myself up and do the best that I can in that moment.” (34:23, Eric)
• On Community:
  • “Everyone take your bras off...here, your ADHD’s your boobs, the mask is the bra.” (30:09, Paulette)
  • “The feeling of being alone and feeling like you’re the only one that sucks...” (37:06, Eric)

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Additional Resources & Tools

• Paulette’s Writing Software:
  Writer’s Mission Control Center — Organizes writing projects, submissions, ideas, and goals in one ADHD-friendly place.
  “It calms my nervous system...having it all there, being able to calm and trust that you have everything in one place.” (38:53, Paulette)

• Paulette’s Website:
  pauletteperhatch.com for coaching, community, and resources.

• ADHD reWired Adult Study Hall:
  adultstudyhall.com — virtual co-working sessions and dedicated writing times.

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Episode Structure & Timestamps

| Time | Segment/Topic | |-------------|--------------------------------------| | 00:00–03:31 | Paulette’s background and ADHD story | | 03:31–08:09 | Diagnosis, shifting from shame to acceptance | | 08:09–13:22 | Navigating accommodations, travel struggles, self-talk | | 13:36–19:52 | The FINISH acronym (Fake Stakes, Increment, Nix) | | 23:33–26:56 | Immerse: Creating conditions for hyperfocus, admin routines | | 27:08–31:19 | Share: Power of community and body-doubling | | 32:03–36:18 | Hype: Self-compassion and emotional self-regulation | | 36:18–39:34 | Tools and resources (Mission Control Center, communities) | | 39:41–41:29 | Closing encouragement on self-trust and ADHD consistency |

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Closing Thoughts

Eric closes with a message of radical acceptance, emphasizing that real consistency for ADHD brains means getting back up and trying again. The FINISH framework isn’t about perfection—it’s about creating manageable systems, finding community, and being kind to yourself through the inevitable ups and downs.

“If all you do today is one small increment, one tiny step...let that count. Because those are the steps that rebuild self-trust.” (41:25, Eric)

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For more details or to connect with Paulette, visit pauletteperhatch.com. For ADHD-specific coaching, gocoworking or support, check out adhdrewired.com and adultstudyhall.com.

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Summary prepared for ADHD adults, writers, and creatives seeking practical, affirming strategies for finishing what matters most.

Transcript

[Paulette Perhatch]

Know I've been writing for 20 years and I finally was like, you know, I've been teaching and writing and I know I have this system and I just need to sit down and articulate it. And I finally did so. It is an acronym for finish and the first letter is for fake stakes.

[Eric Tibbers]

ADHD Rewired Episode 560 Since 2014 this has been the podcast for ADHD adults who have really good intentions and a slightly wandering attention. I'm Eric Tibbers. I'm a licensed clinical social worker by training and a coach by design. I'm your host and I'm Audiehd. ADHD Rewired is more than just a podcast. You can learn about our coaching and accountability groups, our virtual coworking community, and more, all@adhd Rewired.com we are wired for connection and you are not alone. Learn more about our offerings, including our quarterly live Q&As. Get additional resources for every episode, including links to any resources mention on today's show. You can support us on Patreon, sign up for our email newsletter and more, all@adhd Rewired.com and if this is your first time listening, welcome. Don't forget to hit, subscribe or follow on your podcast app so you never miss an episode. We know that starting is the hardest part, so let's get started. Hey, just a quick time sensitive note before we jump in. Registration for our Winter Coaching and Accountability groups ends Friday, January 30th. We got registration events coming up Thursday, January 22nd and the 29th at 7:30pm Eastern and Friday, January 23rd and the 30th at 11:30am Eastern. Groups begin the first week in February. If you're ready to get the support and accountability you need to live your best ADHD life, your next step is pre registration. It only takes about 20 to 30 minutes while watch the 15 minute overview, take the short quiz and send a 45 second video to attend the Thursday registration events. Pre Registration is due by 4:30pm Eastern on that Thursday to attend the Friday morning events. Pre Registration is due Thursday at 6pm Eastern. All the details, including the full schedule are@coaching Rewired.com that's coaching Rewired.com More info at the break.

[Audiehd]

All right, let's get to it.

[Eric Tibbers]

Welcome back to another episode of ADHD Rewired.

[Audiehd]

Today's guest is Paulette Perhaps.

[Eric Tibbers]

Paulette is a regular contributor to the New York Times with work in Vox, Elle, the Washington Post, Slate, and more.

[Audiehd]

Her viral essays have reached over 2.

[Eric Tibbers]

Million readers Author of Welcome to the Writer's Life, a Poets and Writer's Best Book for Writers. She blogs at welcome to the writerslife.com and leads writing and meditation sessions through.

[Audiehd]

A very important meeting As a writing.

[Eric Tibbers]

Coach, she helps writers build fulfilling careers and creative lives.

[Audiehd]

And I think you also do software.

[Eric Tibbers]

Development for writers and you we're going to talk today about six elements that you've come up with to finish anything. So welcome.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Audiehd]

Yeah, welcome to the podcast and know hopefully now with the kind of third time of reading your bio, it was a little bit smoother because I had an error within like two minutes. So we're take three. Here we go. Before we dive into six elements to finish anything, why don't you share a little bit about who you are personally?

[Paulette Perhatch]

So I am a writer with ADHD. I was only diagnosed when I was 38 and I'm 42 now. I did a class last year called Harnessing ADHD's Wild Horsepower for Writers. And just doing that class actually helped me learn so much about being a writer and just really changed how I see myself. I am as much of a success as I am a failure. And I think that's the thing about ADHD is like we totally. It's like the superpower and the kryptonite in one. So you just never quite know how your day is going to go. And I think getting a diagnosis and an education just totally helped free me from the shame of the like, why do I do this and why can't I that and really expecting myself to be like other people. For example, one thing that I say to myself is my version of consistency is that I get back up every time I fall down.

[Audiehd]

I love that that's. You're saying it a little bit differently than I do, but I have the exact same message as well, because that's like, it's not. I look at consistency as sort of that lagging indicator, like, focus on where you're at. So if you're down, focus on getting back up. Yeah, that's great. What was it that brought you to focus on sort of helping writers?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Well, I am a teacher's daughter and my mom taught first grade and elementary school. And I am not a small people in groups kind of person. I love my friends, kiddos, and my nieces and nephews. I'm not a. I could not control a room full of children, but when I did Peace Corps, I realized we were there as teachers but in adult education. And I really fell in love with Adult education there. And we writers have to kind of figure out how are we going to make this life work. And that was a skill that I really enjoyed and got some great feedback on. And so that's such a wonderful part of my writing life. It's a really great part of having community too. As a writer, I'm a really social writer.

[Eric Tibbers]

Okay, you say you're a social writer. Say more about that.

[Paulette Perhatch]

So I came across this word ambivert in the book Creativity by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the guy who created the concept of Flow. And I had never heard about that before because I'm so obviously an extrovert. But then I would be like, well, why do I really just. I would feel just kind of scraped out, like, oh my God, I need to be alone for a while. But that felt really weird to me because I'm an extrovert, right? And then I learned about this term that means that you are equal parts introverted and extroverted. And a lot of writers just want to be alone in a room reading. And that's not me at all. And actually I first got into journalism because I wanted to talk to people and bop around, you know, and see the world. And so, yeah, so I feel it on both ends. When I've been alone too long, I totally feel that need to be around people. When I've been around people too long, I totally feel that need to go back to my bed and just read.

[Audiehd]

Okay, so you.

[Eric Tibbers]

It's only four years ago when you.

[Audiehd]

Learned you had adhd. What was going on then that led you to that diagnosis?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Oh my gosh. I was. Okay. So I had interviewed an expert on ADHD for a book that I was helping ghost write. And we got to chatting about distraction and he said, you know, it sounds like you might have adhd, but I didn't have the money to get tested at that time. It was the year I was writing my book. And so I just took like an online quiz and it was like, high likelihood of adhd. But because I thought that ADHD just meant you were easily distracted, I was like, okay, hahaha, I have adhd, whatever. And then it was years later that I was still just struggling. I had an assistant at that point and I just told her, like, let's try to get to the bottom of this. Let's figure this out. And then when I went back to look at the place to get tested that this expert had suggested, it was the Hallowell center, which was named after him, Ned Halliwell. And I was like, wow, I really should have listened to him. He clearly knew what he was doing. So they. When I got my test, you were helping.

[Audiehd]

You were helping him write one of his books?

[Paulette Perhatch]

No, I was interviewing him for another.

[Audiehd]

Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. Okay.

[Paulette Perhatch]

And so. So, yeah, when I got tested, they were like, oh, we don't. We don't often get 20 out of 20. I'm like, cool, so perfect score.

[Audiehd]

Congratulations.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Congratulations. And then we, like, look back over on the post where I had first posted for a virtual assistant, and it bas. It's like a rundown of adhd. Just, like, everything I needed someone's help with, it was ridiculous.

[Eric Tibbers]

And so what has changed for you since?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Oh, my gosh. I mean, I used to say, what the heck is wrong with me? Then I would say, I don't know why, but I need a lot of help. And then I would say, I don't know why I need a lot of help, but I give it to myself. Now I'm able to say, I have adhd. I get myself the accommodations I need. And, you know, someone did just, like, kind of shame me about having a scheduler and having, you know, and because, like, I also really struggle with personal finance. I just have such a hard time seeing the forest for the trees. I have a really hard time with impulse spending. It just feels impossible. And she was like, well, you know, I noticed we had our meeting. You had someone else schedule it. She's like, I don't have trouble paying my bills and I don't have someone scheduling my meetings for me. And I was just like. And I just said, well, I have adhd.

[Eric Tibbers]

Somebody actually said that to you?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah, but you didn't know I had adhd.

[Eric Tibbers]

But still.

[Paulette Perhatch]

But I said, well, I have adhd.

[Audiehd]

So, like, that's just like a bunch of gross ableism right there. Like, whether or not they realize that, you know, they're talking to someone who is neurodivergent, it is.

[Paulette Perhatch]

It's. And that's something I've struggled with is what is a luxury and what is accommodation, especially in travel. I notice when I travel with other people who have access to, like, luxury items, a lot of them are very nice accommodations. Like, if you have. Is it misophonia where noises bother you? Well, luxury spaces are often quieter. They give you more personal space. And so you're like, okay, if I get the lounge at the airport, is that an accommodation or is that a luxury? And when you struggle with getting into debt, it's really hard. We can Write all these different stories about the same thing and come up with different conclusions.

[Audiehd]

Years ago, one of the keynotes at one of the chat the ADHD conferences, kind of tongue in cheek, said, you know, there is a cure for adhd. It's just lots and lots of money. Because then you can just pay for all the things like the people to do the, like the scheduling, to do your laundry, to do your cooking.

[Eric Tibbers]

All those things that we tend to struggle with.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah, seriously, I, you know, I have kind of come to that conclusion of like, when I raise my prices, I'm like, money's how I take care of myself.

[Audiehd]

Yeah. I relate to like all of that. When you're going, when you're flying. Cause you're just mentioning the airport. Do you ever request a board of passengers with disabilities?

[Paulette Perhatch]

No.

[Audiehd]

I do.

[Eric Tibbers]

Every time you do. I do.

[Audiehd]

And I'm telling you it's because I do need it, because I need more time to get myself settled. If you were to just watch me. It's funny because I used to joke saying when I go to the airport, I go from ADHD to autistic. I joke because I actually was just recently diagnosed with autism. So I was like, oh, I wasn't just. It's just that that environment put me over the ed edge and like all of my sensory issues and like overwhelm. And so, And I would say it's, it's not just helpful for me, it's honestly helpful for anyone who has to sit by me.

[Eric Tibbers]

Wow.

[Audiehd]

Because otherwise I'm like, I'm up and I'm down and I'm like getting readjusted and like, oh, do I want this in the seat pocket? Do I want that? Yeah. So it's like, please just give me extra time.

[Paulette Perhatch]

And, and what do you say to them when you get on? What? You just say, I have a disability.

[Audiehd]

I say I need extra time.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Wow.

[Audiehd]

That's all. Because they technically, they can't even ask you for what reason.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Wow. Wow.

[Audiehd]

Yeah.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Okay.

[Eric Tibbers]

Yeah.

[Paulette Perhatch]

That's so interesting.

[Audiehd]

The only downside is then you can't also get the, the emergency seat with the extra room.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Okay.

[Audiehd]

So there's trade offs, you know.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah, that's my accommodation I usually give myself. I'm like. And I just, you know, it was so funny. I had this essay that I started. I need to finish it about, like, how I love to travel alone because then no one can see how terribly I travel. And like, I am, I travel a lot. It's a big identifier and I suck at it. I'M losing things all over the place. I immediately get, like, two separate grocery bags in addition to my luggage. Stuff's fallen out. People are like, ma', am, you dropped this. Ma', am, you have money falling out of your purse. Like, it's terrible. And. But that also has helped me adjust to other cultures where, like, I feel lost all the time. Like, I went traveling with a friend who's, like, really on it and type A and, like, she could not deal. We were in a country where, like, she couldn't even recognize the symbols of the letters. And, like, she kept just kind of shutting down and being like, I need to go back to the hotel room. And I was like, oh, ADHD has given me this. Like, I'm used to feeling lost and, like, I don't understand what the heck's going on all the time. So it's made me a really great traveler in that way.

[Eric Tibbers]

Paula, you may have just bursted a bubble of mine.

[Audiehd]

I always said that if I had to travel frequently, I think that I would be better at it because I would develop systems. But you're telling me that no, it might just always be a struggle.

[Paulette Perhatch]

You know, I have an amazing packing. It's called the ultimate packing list spreadsheet. I love Excel because Excel is the brain I was born without, which I have always said without knowing that I had adhd. And it's got columns, it's got filters. It's amazing. So you do develop systems. It gets. It's. It's like anything. It's like missing that thing last night. You know that I was late. I was half an hour late to something last night that I planned, and I'm like, it's never going to be fixed. It's like, if you have crutches because you have a leg that is very weak, or, you know, it's never going to be fully fixed. We're only going to manage it better and better. It's like I get migraines when I hike almost every time, but I'm like, I'm not going to stop hiking. I get exertion migraines if it's really hot. Like, I often get a migraine if I hike, but it's still worth the view.

[Eric Tibbers]

You had said a little bit ago that there's an article you're working on.

[Audiehd]

That you still need to finish, and that's kind of what we want to be talking about today. So I. How to finish anything. So let's.

[Eric Tibbers]

Let's get into this.

[Audiehd]

Six elements for how to Finish anything.

[Paulette Perhatch]

So great. I Love it. I'm really excited about this. You know, I've been writing for 20 years, and I finally was like, you know, I've been teaching and writing, and I know I have this system, and I just need to sit down and articulate it. And I finally did. So it is an acronym for finish, and the first letter is for fake stakes. So you need to feel an emotion about whatever you're doing. If you want to write something and you don't have an answer to the question, what would happen if I didn't write today? What are you probably going to do? You're not going to write today. You're not going to work on it. Right. But if, you know, oh, my writing coach is waiting for it, or I'm taking this class, I have a workshop. I signed up for an open mic night when I decided to be a creative writer in Peace Corps. The first thing I did was sign up for our talent show, our little talent show. But it's in front of 200 people and adorable. There's, like, an adult talent show. I loved it. And I had three months, and I worked on that thing every single day because I was kind of terrified that I was going to read something in front of 200 people. And it rocked. And I finished it and it rocked. It was amazing.

[Audiehd]

That's awesome.

[Paulette Perhatch]

So you can do anything from public accountability, telling people what you're going to do. Using shame for your. You know, we often. We know shame. Right. Using shame for your benefit. You can use the fact that you paid someone or you have some kind of monetary skin in the game, or you can just have some kind of social element where you're trading with someone else or you don't want to let someone down that you really admire.

[Eric Tibbers]

So it's another form of sort of engineered urgency.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Engineered urgency, exactly. Yeah.

[Audiehd]

All right, so fake steaks, fake stakes.

[Paulette Perhatch]

The second one is increment. So if you are writing a book, and I am writing a book, I'm writing a novel. It is huge and terrifying. I'm very comfortable in the nonfiction space. I can write you an essay all day long. My novel. I'm like, I don't know. But I finished my fourth draft, and, like, we're about to be done with this book, which is fantastic. So what I did last year is I didn't say, I'm writing the next draft, my book. I said I need to edit and rewrite 500 words a day. So. 500 words a day. 500 words a day. What that does is it gives you that Little dopamine hit every single day of, like, bing, I did it. You have the dopamine. You have the trust that you are going to complete this thing in the long term because you did today's short term. And if you don't get it done, you have a new goal for the next day. Okay, can I do a thousand words tomorrow? So having those increments is really important.

[Audiehd]

And when you're having those sort of. Those days when the ADHD is winning and all of those intentions just stay as intentions and don't turn into actions, what do you do with that? In the realm of increments, do you.

[Eric Tibbers]

Do it a smaller amount or what?

[Audiehd]

What do you do?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yes, I'm a really big fan of that. I had a boyfriend in college who. He was a jogger. I was absolutely not. And. But I would try to go jogging with him, and he would say, what is like? He's like, do your sl. Lowest old man jog. Don't stop. Just do the tiniest little old man jog you can do. And so I often ask my coaching students, what is the smallest thread you can hang onto to still be touching your work? Sometimes it's literally, open the document. Open the document and read what you have, or read a page. And so often that just gets you over the hump.

[Audiehd]

Okay, so we got fake stakes, we got increment.

[Paulette Perhatch]

So the next one huge for us is nix. So nixing distractions. I don't have a TV in my house. I watch TV on my laptop. It is sad and not that fun. When I really want to watch something like White Lotus, I watch it on my laptop. I don't really love it. I watch, like, Colbert and the goofball stuff, but I don't really watch a lot of TV because it's not that comfortable. It's not that great. I've nixed TV from my life in a lot of ways. I used to be a really big couch potato when I was young. Oh, my gosh. And what can you do to get distractions away from you? I'm a really big fan of the Freedom app, which is a. An app that blocks social media or whatever. Apps tend to distract you, and until a certain time, right where you're like, okay, this isn't a distraction if I'm on it for 15 minutes a day. It is a distraction if I'm on it nonstop. And I'm actually. I'm at a point right now where I haven't been using the Freedom app, and I'm like, oh, I've got to get back on because I feel that itch back anytime, literally. Like waiting for the elevator. Instagram, you know, red light Instagram. It's like, oh my gosh, it's this terrible distraction. And Nixon distractions can also mean prioritizing. What is the one thing you are doing right now? What is the project that you are most focused on finishing and saying everything else is. Can be later. This is the one to three. That's what I do. Like, I have three projects that I'm working on right now until they are completed.

[Audiehd]

I don't know if you're familiar with Ellen Brown. He's an ADHD coach because he'll talk about when he's focusing on one thing if he starts looking at anything. That's not that one thing. That's BS and that's not what I'm working on right now.

[Paulette Perhatch]

You know what I've started to do is to take a post it note and like, what I'm working on right this minute, I put it on the top of my computer. I'm not a fan of post it notes as reminders because they're to call your attention. But I'm like, this calls my attention back to this is the thing. It's like the marquee now showing Paulette is answering emails.

[Audiehd]

So Paulette, that's half of a strategy that I often will use and suggest for others. The other half of it is having another sticky note on the corner of the screen to tell you what you're not doing.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Oh, I like that.

[Audiehd]

Especially if you feel like what you described is like that itch to like do that thing if you like are sitting down to do a task that even maybe like there's been some, some resistance to. And there's also some like that in the. That little voice in your head is.

[Eric Tibbers]

Like, just check Instagram just five minutes.

[Audiehd]

And know that that's bs, you know, because it's like it's never just five minutes. Right. But no Instagram. On the other sticky note, it's about raising the intentionality and then not having to use that working memory by externalizing that intention.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah, absolutely. I had a label on my. I'm a big fan of label makers also. They're very fun. I had a label on my phone that said there's no time for bs.

[Audiehd]

Do you have a label on your.

[Eric Tibbers]

Label maker that says label maker?

[Paulette Perhatch]

No, but now I need one.

[Audiehd]

I feel like half the people listening who have label makers are like, oh, I feel so seen. All right, so what we're going to do so. We have fake stakes, we have increment, we have nixing distractions.

[Eric Tibbers]

What we're going to do right now though is take a quick break and.

[Audiehd]

When we come back we will finish the acronym. We will be right back.

[Eric Tibbers]

If you're listening to this and thinking I need support but I'm not sure I can actually follow through, I want you to hear this ADHD rewired Coaching and Accountability groups are not light touch coaching. This is an intensive program. We meet three times a week because ADHD doesn't wait a full week to fall apart. Real life happens on a Tuesday and having support space throughout the week is a game changer. What makes this work isn't willpower, its structure, accountability and being in a room with people who actually understand how your brain works with a lot of radical acceptance and zero judgment. And instead of me trying to convince you, here are a couple of voices from members of our most recent season of coaching groups.

[Coaching Group Member 1]

The secret Special Sauce is accountability, Attention, Structure, Intention and this program provides all of that. It's working and it feels good.

[Coaching Group Member 2]

The top three has been really helpful. A lot of days I only accomplished my top three, but I accomplished at least one of them every day and I accomplished all three a lot of days and it just helped give me direction to my day. Before this group I probably two to three days a week wasted hours binge watching TV to avoid thinking about things that stress me out and now I do not use TV to avoid anymore. I realize that I'm not bad, I'm not wrong, I'm not defective and that I just have a condition with my brain that I can learn to work with.

[Coaching Group Member 1]

I learned that I'm not alone and I learned that I'm right about needing others.

[Paulette Perhatch]

So.

[Coaching Group Member 1]

So for me to function at my best, I really need others and I need structure and I need accountability and I need understanding.

[Eric Tibbers]

If you're ready, your next step is pre registration. It takes about 20 to 30 minutes. Watch the 15 minute overview video, take the short quiz and then send me a 45 second intro video. After that I'll follow up with next steps and make sure it's in good fit. Registration events coming up Thursday, January 22nd and 29th at 7:30pm Eastern and Friday, January 23rd and 30th at 11:30am Eastern. Groups begin the first week in February, so don't wait to attend Thursday night's registration events. Pre Registration is due 4:30pm Eastern on Thursday to attend Friday morning's events. Pre registration is due Thursday at 6pm Eastern. All the details are coaching Rewired.com add your name to the interest list. That's coaching Rewired.com if you're thinking about joining.

[Coaching Group Member 2]

Absolutely.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Just do it.

[Coaching Group Member 2]

It's a big deal.

[Eric Tibbers]

Don't wait. Go.

[Audiehd]

Now that's coaching Rewired.com all right, we are back. So just to remind everyone what we were just talking about, we are talking with Paulette perhaps and we're talking about the acronym finish, which is the idea of six elements to finish anything. And so far we got the F is fake stakes, the I is increment.

[Eric Tibbers]

Or breaking it down.

[Audiehd]

The N is Nick's distractions or just prioritize one thing. All right, let's keep on moving. What's next?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Well, this is one that we adhders know and love, which is to immerse yourself in your projects. So we love a good hyper focus and I think we often think about it in the moment. But I've developed some habits that have really helped me find focus and that includes what I call a writer's refresh every week. And that is a weekly meeting with myself to just do the admin, the things that are important but not urgent. So for example, looking over my inbox for any of those starred emails. Right? We love starring for later, saving for later, starring for later. This is the later looking at all my projects, basically just taking a step back from the chaos and planning. And when I've done that and it becomes it's Monday morning, I have on the Friday before, done my writer's refresh, which means I looked over my entire week. I made sure my schedule was humanly possible. Then I know that at seven in the morning when I have my novel writing time, I am safe to truly immerse in that hyperfocus. Right. I'm not, I'm not worried about unanswered emails. I'm not worried that I forgot about a certain project. I have done these high level planning tasks that really help me feel like I can immerse in my project. To me, that also feels like setting aside a time and a space where, for example, if people, if you're living with people in your family, they know, like this is your, what we call cave time. Um, you know, my sister will see me writing when we're on vacation. She's like, are you in the cave? And so she'll know that like either I'm in the cave or I'm not in the cave.

[Audiehd]

Okay, so.

[Eric Tibbers]

And that kind of sounds a bit.

[Audiehd]

Like sort of the other side of the sort of Nick's distractions by sort of addressing all those other things that are kind of like, you know, they're kind of like the thorns that need to be getting our attention. But that, like, while we're trying to work on writing, like having those random reminders in our mind about those things, it's just distracting. So it's creating that. That place to focus on the admin stuff. So, you know, it's taken care of. Let me ask you this because I always find it interesting when someone has a day of the week set aside for. For admin stuff. I think about those days where it's just like, no matter what our intentions were, no matter how important certain things were, we're having a bad brain day. What do you do when your admin day that you only do once a week happens on a bad brain day?

[Paulette Perhatch]

I can do like a full on writer's refresh, can take two hours. I can do a quick one a minimum in about half an hour. Right. Where it's like really looking at. I think it's that prioritize and execute. I really love Jocko Willink. He wrote Discipline is freedom. He's like the opposite human from me.

[Audiehd]

Is he like the military guy?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah, yeah. He's a former Navy seal. And I think that really helps me come back from what's a nice to have and what's a must do today? So saying, oh my God, I'm not getting all this done. Okay. Do I really need to do so? For example, I always like to have a lot of learning on my calendar. Personal development. And you know, some weeks that has to go like, we're not studying communication this week because I'm about to cry because I might miss a deadline and I'm really freaked out. You know, I think it's really just about giving yourself grace and not shooting yourself with what Buddhists would call the second arrow of the self flagellation and the blame.

[Audiehd]

Okay, so it's about getting back up.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah, right. We'll get to that later in the acronym as well.

[Audiehd]

Oh, okay. Accidental foreshadowing. All right, so then we have the.

[Paulette Perhatch]

S. The S stands for share, and that's about being in community. We know with ADHD that body doubling is huge.

[Eric Tibbers]

Yep.

[Paulette Perhatch]

And it's so funny because at my house when I was growing up, we had such a hard time keeping it clean because we were like, oh, an ADHD team. And at my best friend's house, I helped them clean, was practically living there, and they would all clean together. They Would blast music and all clean together. And I'm like, I have since tried to recreate that because it works so well for me with adhd. I think sharing is essential. We need that body doubling, we need that social element community. So that's why I love to run communities and help people really find who are their writing buddies, you know?

[Audiehd]

That's awesome. I know for listeners, we have our adult study hall community where we have our. Or once a week we have a Write with Me session. But I know that you also have a community that's specifically for writers that does this. Right. That's very cool. Do you ever feel like a sense of that you don't want to share, even though you know it's helpful?

[Paulette Perhatch]

I feel like sharing is when you're sharing a positive, you have someone to celebrate with you. When you're sharing a negative, you have someone to commiserate with you. There are some things that feel like too close to the bone to share. And sometimes I say like, okay, is this something that's private or am I just being a wuss? Like, I teach a class called Posing Naked on the Page about vulnerability. And twice it has happened that a student has written about something that I could relate to and I thought was beyond what I would be willing to write about. And I was like, ooh, I'm being called out right now, Right? So I think we all need to decide, is this shame based or is it just that I decide this is what's private? But I think anytime you're sharing something vulnerable, it's a gift to the person reading it. Like, I have a story out right now. If it gets accepted, I'm going to be like, oh, no, I don't want anyone to know that.

[Audiehd]

I definitely have been there many of times. Many of times. I mean, even just the fact that over the last several years, you know, really since like 2020 when, you know, I started going through my divorce and then, you know, years following, there was a lot of stuff that I was dealing with that like, I was still in process and wasn't ready to share. I had like feedback saying, you know.

[Eric Tibbers]

Used to share more of yourself earlier.

[Audiehd]

I'm like, yeah, because I feel like I have a fairly decent boundary of what's okay for me to share when I'm ready to, and what am I not ready to share yet? And so it's kind of. Recently I've been coming out more talking about some of these things, but I think it's. There are, I think, healthy boundaries in any form of expression. Are important. And I think, especially as neurodivergent people, our filter doesn't always filter.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Oh, girl.

[Audiehd]

Right. And, you know, it's like, oh, yeah.

[Eric Tibbers]

I'll slide it out.

[Audiehd]

And it's one of the things that I love about the ADHD community is, like, small talk. It's like, oh, my God, please, no. Can we just get into meat? Could you get into.

[Paulette Perhatch]

What'd you cry about last?

[Audiehd]

Exactly.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yes. I didn't realize this, like, and I didn't. I didn't even think about it. And it didn't hit me until I did my ADHD for Writers class. And we all get on there, and I was like, oh, this is the first time I've been in a space where every single person has adhd. I didn't think about what that would feel like. And it was like, everyone take your bras off. Like, you know, like, whatever metaphor, you know, here, your ADHD's your boobs, the mask is the bra. You know, we were all just, oh.

[Audiehd]

My God, I love that. I love that so much.

[Eric Tibbers]

And that is the share.

[Audiehd]

So we're sharing ourselves, we're sharing space.

[Eric Tibbers]

We'Re sharing time, we're sharing effort, we're sharing ideas.

[Paulette Perhatch]

And I think holding space for other people is so wonderful, too. So, so many times in my communities, you know, people will really share something that's so hard. And then someone else will know a book or. It just kind of feels. It feels sacred in a way, to have someone come to you and be like, can I be, like, 10 notches more human than we're allowed to be normally, you know, and just. Even. Even if you're not sharing, like, the reception of that is also so beautiful.

[Audiehd]

I've been doing a lot of sort of exploration about the. Around the idea of masking and unmasking. And it's sort of like once you've, like, learned to unmask, you can't go.

[Eric Tibbers]

Back because it's so constraining and feels so, like, inauthentic.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah. But it's so hard, too, because it's been uncomfortable for some people. Some people don't want to hear about it.

[Audiehd]

Yeah.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Or think it's an excuse.

[Audiehd]

Well, I think we have a real.

[Eric Tibbers]

Issue of empathy in our world right now.

[Audiehd]

I'd rather spend the time and energy.

[Eric Tibbers]

Sharing vulnerably with those who can at least try to see another perspective.

[Audiehd]

All right, so we got. That was Cher. So what is the next one?

[Paulette Perhatch]

So the H is for hype, and this is about managing your mental and emotional state and Hyping yourself back up. So I woke up the other morning with a lot of anxiety and I was supposed to be writing my book. And I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna create literature right now. So I moved gym time up. You know, I'm only one workout away from feeling better. I always know I'm only one meditation away from feeling better and what are the things you need to do? So for me it definitely is like exercise, meditation, positive self talk. I remember being in my twenties and oh my gosh, my anxiety was like at a peak. And someone said, you just need to have self compassion. You just need to like love yourself. And I just remember like crying even harder and being like, I can't. Like I could not find the space for self compassion. And it makes me so sad and, and it's so funny how I was like, oh, I feel weird talking positive to myself. I'll yell at myself all day long. Like, I will. You know, like, we only feel weird talking to ourselves if it's positive, which is really bad. So, you know, I used to be like, all right, come on B, let's go. Like, oh my God. You know, I used to think that yelling at myself would make it better. And it's so nice to be in a place where I can be kind to myself and be like, all right, buddy. Yeah, we, that one didn't go so great. But like, let's get better.

[Audiehd]

You know, as far as like mental toughness goes, I think it's one of the most badass things that we do is when we are in struggle to have self compassion towards us. It really is, I have found to be one of the only things that can really help. I have yet to find, I've worked with thousands of people. Like, I've yet to find where beating.

[Eric Tibbers]

Yourself up has ever, ever helped. And so this idea of like, I.

[Audiehd]

Don'T deserve self compassion, like I need to like kick my own ass into gear here. It's like, well, how's that been working for you?

[Eric Tibbers]

The thought that we don't deserve self.

[Audiehd]

Compassion is a thought that is basically. It's a. It's a version of shame. And when we are carrying shame, it is virtually impossible to move forward in the world in the way we want to. When we could set that shame down and say, you know what? That is not serving me, that is not helpful for me, that is actually harming me. Here's the things I want to do despite the fact that there's all these other things that I've struggled with or messed up.

[Eric Tibbers]

Like, I can still love myself and.

[Audiehd]

I can pick myself up and do the best that I can in that moment. And that's the best that I'm going to do.

[Eric Tibbers]

And being okay with that, even if it's less than what you want, being okay with that, I think is just so, so important.

[Audiehd]

I mentioned earlier that I was recently diagnosed with autism. This was after kind of years of. Kind of years in the making of exploring this.

[Eric Tibbers]

And the session that I had after.

[Audiehd]

The end of my evaluation, the psychologist was sharing the report and the recommendations. I probably completely shut down, like about halfway through that session, which was kind of a surprise to me because I wasn't surprised at all. I knew what he was going to be saying because he even told me beforehand. He's like, the report session is just more of a formality. He didn't want to make me wait to know. I was like, okay. So I just kind of been anticipating it. And so I kind of shut down that day. And it kind of lingered throughout the rest of the day into the evening. It was probably around like 9 or 10 o' clock at night, and I was getting ready to play the piano.

[Eric Tibbers]

For a little bit, and I had this thought of, I'm 44 years old, I've been autistic my whole life, and I just learned that now. And there was something about that that it kind of just felt like, you.

[Audiehd]

Know, those hugs that, like, initially you don't want, but then it's just like you, you melt into. Kind of felt like one of those.

[Eric Tibbers]

And I felt like since that, it's just like the things that I struggle with. I'm like, you're doing all right. And I find that I can't go back and change anything.

[Audiehd]

All I can do is to take the information that I have now and love myself for it, even if I don't love what's happening. And so I just find that idea of self compassion, oh, it's so important. No matter what we're going through, no matter what we're going through, you deserve self compassion. I don't care what thing you did.

[Eric Tibbers]

That screwed something up, you're still worthy of self compassion.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Mm, absolutely. And I think that's also part of the community is. And this is actually a lot of what my novel is about, is about when you love someone who has the same struggles as you, it helps you love yourself in those struggles.

[Audiehd]

Ooh, that is so true. It is so true. And it's, you know, why I love.

[Eric Tibbers]

Doing group and community Based work is.

[Audiehd]

And maybe this is part of my autistic brain.

[Eric Tibbers]

I love the predictability of certain things.

[Audiehd]

And so when I see people like that are new to ADHD in group, knowing that at the end of group, they're going to be like, I didn't realize how helpful group was going to be. And I'm just like, I did. And I love that you had that transformation because it's so powerful to witness. And to me, that never gets old because that really is. Because that feeling of being alone and.

[Eric Tibbers]

Feeling like you're the only one that sucks.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah.

[Audiehd]

So hype that. The mental emotional state.

[Eric Tibbers]

Focusing on that.

[Audiehd]

All right, so recap. We got fake stakes, increment, nix, immerse, share, and hype. And that's six elements you need to finish anything. Now, what if using this, this acronym was still a struggle?

[Eric Tibbers]

Any other tools that you would suggest?

[Audiehd]

Like, maybe I'm lobbing you a softball here. Like a piece of software or anything?

[Paulette Perhatch]

Oh, like a piece of software. Well, so I have a software called the Writer's Mission Control Center. And I got it as a way to organize and have in one place everything about my writing life. And what that does is it helps you know what you have. It helps you see your. Like. For example, we have a graph of, like, all the submissions you've done and all your acceptances and all your rejections that you can see, like, yes, I am submitting. Right. You can set goals in that and then see if you are reaching your goals. And, you know, for example, you can, for those of us who get a ton of story ideas, which I think is a lot of ADHD people, you can text in your story ideas to yourself and it will. They will show up in the Mission control. So it's really designed to help you kind of capture your writing life on the fly and have it all there. And so, for example, one time someone used our writing session during my group, a very important meeting. And she said, I just organized. I just had to organize today. And it just really calmed my nervous system. And I was like, oh, my gosh, you just got to the heart of what it's really about. It's like having it all there, being able to calm and trust that you have everything in one place.

[Eric Tibbers]

So how do people find the software?

[Paulette Perhatch]

It's at the writersmissioncontrolcenter.com and if people.

[Eric Tibbers]

Are interested in learning about the other.

[Audiehd]

Things that you do, where could they find that?

[Paulette Perhatch]

They can go to Paulette perhatch.com Paulette.

[Audiehd]

Perhaps.Com and we will put that in the show notes. So if you are like me and would go, well, how do you spell both of those names? Don't worry, we'll put it in the show notes for this episode.

[Eric Tibbers]

But Paulette, thank you so much. This was a lot of fun and.

[Audiehd]

I Love this acronym finish. While I've been saying for 11 years now, starting is the hardest part. Once you start, finishing is the hardest part.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Yeah.

[Audiehd]

Thank you for this framework. This is really great.

[Paulette Perhatch]

Thank you so much for having me. It was great to talk about ADHD with someone who knows.

[Eric Tibbers]

I hope you got a lot out of that conversation. Get even more from ADHD Rewired by joining our winter coaching sessions starting the first week in February. See the schedule, check out this season's lower price, learn more and pre register all@coaching rewired.com oh and now three and a half six month payment plans are.

[Audiehd]

Available subject to T's and C's.

[Eric Tibbers]

That's coachingrewired.com or you can cowork with us@adult studyhall.com and you can join me every fourth Friday of the month at 11am Pacific, 2 Eastern for our monthly Pomodoro dance party. We'll work for two 50 minute work blocks and after each work block I.

[Audiehd]

Become DJ Dopamine and serve up 10 minutes of tasty danceable beats. Come cowork with us.

[Eric Tibbers]

It's only $19.99 a month. Or save with an annual membership and.

[Audiehd]

Try it free for a [e-mail] okay.

[Eric Tibbers]

Before you go, I just want to.

[Audiehd]

Leave you with this. If you're someone who's been carrying a.

[Eric Tibbers]

Lot of shame about not finishing things and starting strong and then falling off, I hope this episode reminded you that you're not broken, you're human. And you're an ADHD living in a world that wasn't built for your brain. And the goal isn't to become perfectly consistent. The goal is to build the kind of consistency that actually works for us. The kind where you get back up, you re engage and you keep going. So if all you do today is one small increment, one tiny step, one open the document kind of move or.

[Audiehd]

Put on pants kind of move, let that count.

[Eric Tibbers]

Because those are the steps that rebuild self trust. And if you're tired of doing it alone, come do it with us. We'll hold the structure, the accountability and the community while you bring your imperfect, brilliant, trying your best badass self. We'll catch you next time.

[Coaching Group Member 1]

Yeah, I'm done.