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Adult ADHD ADD Tips and Support
ADHD Success Story – From Recovery to Prosperity with Lauren Regan
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Adult ADHD ADD Tips and Support Podcast - A Podcast for Neurodivergent Creatives. ADHD Success Story - From Recovery to Prosperity with Lauren Regan This podcast is an audio companion to the book "The Drummer and the Great Mountain - A Guidebook to Tra...
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- [00:03]
A
Coming up on this episode.
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B
And then I was just like, wow, like I've managed to leave school thinking I couldn't learn. I've got my Bachelor's, I've got my teaching qualification, I've got a Master's in education. I've done all of this studying, I've gone through addiction twice, come out the other side and all of this not even knowing and not having support that I needed for adhd. So for me it was I I had so much self forgiveness. It was so freeing because up until that point all I used to do is berate myself internally, like my inner monologue was just criticizing me for why I couldn't get my stuff together, why I was like this, as if it was my fault. But it made perfect sense. And then that's when I started my journey of proper recovery.
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C
Welcome to the Drummer and the Great Mountain, a podcast where we share effective tips and practices for working with adults. Add ADHD in a natural, effective way without the use of medications. Each episode join me your host Batman Saram, along with the author of the Drummer and the Great Mountain, Michael Joseph Ferguson. Join Michael and myself in an interactive discussion of sharing our stories as we journey together in transforming what can be the gift of being what we call hunter types. This podcast is intended to be your audio companion to the book written by Michael, who joins me each episode where we both will strive to foster dialogue, give you our personal insights and share both of our experiences on this similar path that we are all on. Our intention and hope is that along with the book, this podcast gives you an additional perspective as you listen to us delve deeper into each chapter of the book to give you even more tools to go along with what it is that you are reading. Visit us at drummerandthegreatmountain.com to purchase the book and look for more tools, tips and updates as well as giving us feedback on this podcast. Join our growing global community of creative types, entrepreneurs and out of the box thinkers on our shared journey. Welcome to the Drummer and the Great Mountain podcast.
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A
Welcome everyone. Thanks for tuning in. I'm your host Michael Joseph Ferguson. For the 10 year anniversary of our podcast we will be interviewing people from our community. People who have stories about successfully integrating the topics we discuss on this podcast and these are to bring you some inspiration that lasting change is possible. It takes work, commitment and support. It's never perfect, but time focused on personal growth, mindfulness and your health can truly make your life better. And each of the stories will highlight is unique. Everyone is different. What works for one person may not work for someone else, but each of the people we'll be featuring have real insights on how to lean life in your favor when you're wired this way. In today's episode, I'm honored to be joined by Lauren Regan. Lauren is an ADHD coach and works in digital education at a university in London and her story has an incredible arc from growing up in a low income neighborhood, getting her degree, going through addiction recovery, learning about ADHD later in her life, to really thriving and giving back through her award winning work at a university and being an ADHD coach. Lauren is truly a remarkable and inspiring individual and it's an honor to have her on the podcast. Okay, and just one quick announcement. Our next online time and task management workshop happens on August 16th and 21st. If you really struggle with time management, time blindness, planning, you utilizing time management systems, then this workshop may be really helpful for you. It's all the things I wish I had learned when I was first starting out. We'll cover how to build your time management system to be ADHD friendly so it's far more intuitive and sustainable. We'll also cover the less talked about but crucial topic of how our emotions can throw us off when we're trying to keep to a schedule or keep to a system that we've set for ourselves. This is our masterclass on time and Task management. You'll be joined by other members of our community from around the world. The recordings for all sessions will be available to participants indefinitely and we're already starting to fill up, so if you're Interested, go to drummerinthegreatmountain.comworkshop for more info and I'll leave a link in the description. Also, I know we have a lot of new listeners to this podcast. Over the years we've put together many free PDFs and resources that go along with certain episodes. Tracking sheets, journaling techniques, decision making tools, free ebooks. You can access this entire catalog of tools for free by going to drummerinthegreatmountain.com toolkit and I will leave a link in the description for that. Okay, welcome Lauren, thank you so much for joining us.
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B
Oh thank you so much for having me, Michael.
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A
Okay, so I just want to give you a quick intro. So I know you work at digital education at a university, but you are also an ADHD coach. You're living in London and and I just wanted to hear a little bit of your backstory. I know you've been with us since like 2020. I'd like to hear Just kind of where you grew up, what were your biggest challenges, what were your strengths and then just give us a little bit of backstory and what your journey was like.
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B
So I grew up in West London, not in the, not in the posh part. And as a child I didn't know I was ADHD at all. I had a late diagnosis in my very late 30s and 40s. But yeah, growing up I was always just getting in trouble at school for talking too much. All of my reports said Lauren can do really well but she talks too much. And at that time girls especially were not really noticed or included in the ADHD conversation. It was very much about, you know, the classic boys. So all through my education I didn't have any awareness. No one ever spoke to me about the fact that I might have a learning difficulty. And I actually left school thinking I couldn't learn. So when I left secondary school I really struggled, just kind of went into vocational work and then realized that for me to kind of make any sort of living that I'd need to get myself into college. So I was working full time, went to college in the evenings and that was when I realized that I could actually learn. But you know, the teachers that my school just didn't know how to teach me. So that was my first awareness that maybe I wasn't the problem. But I always struggled with sort of friendship groups, maintaining groups of friends. That's still something I have to work on, I have to be really intentional about. But basically I got myself through college, I was working full time. I'd left home at this point. Yeah, I left home at 16 so I was managing my. Well, trying to manage my own finances and get by in life. I was working full time, went to college in the evenings, got myself into univ. University and actually after that I, I've been in education ever since and it's always been a bit of a question for me, like what? I, I think because I left school thinking I couldn't learn, I. I've got a real passion for making sure that people don't feel that way and supporting people to learn in whatever way I possibly can. I then educationally, at the age of 29 I got my teaching qualification and became a secondary school teacher. But prior to that I actually struggled with issues. I think I kind of always had addiction issues but I would. Because I left home at 16, I was pretty much a wild child. And growing up in the 90s in London, it was like the rave culture, yeah, the rave scene. So it wasn't really that abnormal. I think someone in their 20s as well, you don't really notice it as much because everyone's going out and getting drunk and, you know, having fun and being wild. But as you started to get older and you start to want to make different choices in your life and you're realizing that maybe you can't. That's when I realized, and I also had a health scare. When I was around 28, I basically had a stomach ulcer that ruptured and I didn't know it at the time. And then I went to see a hospital specialist about something else unrelated and described what had happened. And he basically said to me, that sounds like you had a ruptured stomach ulcer and if that ever happens again, you need to go straight to A E. And he also said, whatever it is you're doing, stop doing it. So that was a real wake up call for me. And I had to kind of really think about what I was doing with my life, where I wanted to go, leaving university. I didn't actually know what to do with my degree. I was the first generation on both sides of my family to go to uni. So I got my degree, but I didn't know how to use it to get a job. Also, I think now looking back, because I wasn't getting the jobs that I wanted to immediately, classic ADHD thing is to just move on to the next thing. Move on to the next thing. So I kind of just bounced around different jobs. And then, yeah, I had this health scare, realized I had an addiction problem and then went into like a day rehab, like a day release rehabilitation program for a year. And that was really when I started thinking about nutrition, health and just being a bit more conscious about what I was putting into my body and what I was doing.
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A
Yes.
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B
And then got my teaching degree. But then after that I was a teacher for six years. But I think because I didn't know I had adhd, I then just went back. I just fell back into my old patterns of behavior. So I think it's one thing trying to be abstinent, but if you're not aware that you've actually got this other thing going on, you can't be abstinent in the same way as a neurotypical person would be.
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A
Yeah. Because the stresses kick in, they raise your cortisol, then you get the cravings, they come back, and then the cycle goes right back.
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B
Yeah. So I didn't know the warning signs, what to look out for. I just thought, oh, I'm cured, I'm better now. I've got this great job. The teaching was going great, I got a promotion and that was when things started to unravel because the stress levels increased massively. I met someone who was quite a toxic person who was into drugs himself, which then got me back into drugs. And then I basically relapsed. I don't think I quite realized at the time I was relapsing. I wasn't really that there. It kind of just happened and then a couple of years. Ended up leaving my teaching career because of the stress. I was in a very toxic relationship which again, now looking back, I can see, I know from research that women with ADHD are a lot more susceptible to being in toxic relationships. And also just the, the. That that's also an addiction. I think being in a toxic relationship where it's like these massive highs and then these massive crashes, it was kind of mimicking what my life had always been.
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A
Interesting. Yeah.
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B
So, yeah, I always had this parallel life where on one side, you know, on the outside I've got all of these degrees and all of these qualifications and I was really well liked and being very successful in my career. But then on the flip side, it was kind of like my way to manage that was. There was this chaos that was happening on the other side and I, I, yeah, I feel like just having the teaching career and all of the successes on its own was boring to me. Yeah. Because I was having hyper achieving part of me, but it wasn't satisfying the craving of life and chaos. So I think on the flip side I was also having these massive highs and these massive crashes. So for example, when I did my master's degree, I basically completely burnt out after that. In the same year I did my Master's degree in 2012, I also ran the London Marathon, which was amazing. But because I didn't know that I was just constantly achieving, achieve and achieve and achieving, it led to massive burnout.
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A
So up and down, up and down, up and down.
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B
Yeah. Massive highs, massive crashes. And I think because because of the background I came from growing up in a single parent family on a council estate, my main aim was to get out of poverty. So I had this internal driver that was pushing me, but I also didn't know I had adhd, which also has an internal driver and internal motor that doesn't switch off.
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Yes.
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So these two things combined meant I did achieve great things, but it was at the cost of my mental health, my physical health.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And just a lack of awareness. And yeah, I wasn't Very in tune with how I was feeling. It was very much like, I have to do this, I have to do that.
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A
So I want to go back to asking a couple questions about what do you think the strengths are? Before you, you made major transformation. You went through this transformation, especially going into recovery and all the things that happened after that. Early on, what were the strengths that you feel like you had from having this kind of wiring, the ADHD wiring?
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B
I think just the tenacity and the resilience that I have. Like, as a child, I wouldn't, I couldn't be told. No. Like I would be. If someone told me something couldn't be done, I would kind of be like, respectfully, maybe you can't do it, but it doesn't mean it can't be done, you know?
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A
Yes.
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B
My mum also was also quite important in the fact that she basically would always say to us as children, you know, people aren't born knowing how to drive, you know, knowing how to play an instrument, that if you put your mind to something, it is possible to achieve it. So I think having that messaging, but then also having that internal drive and that internal motor, I don't really feel like I have a choice to not do things. Like if I feel like I want to achieve something, there's, there's an internal part of me, I think that comes from the adhd. For sure. Yeah. The kind of not being able to just leave things, being able to hyper focus. Although I can see now looking back on, like when I was studying, it wasn't the most healthy way to do it. But having the ability to hyper focus and get things done 100% was my strength before I had my awareness that I was neurodiverse. Yeah.
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A
Okay, so it's the. You had the hyperfocus, it sounds like creative. Creatively, you had a lot of creative juices, right?
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B
Yeah, for sure. I was definitely able to problem solve and also just trying lots of different things. Like I often say to people, like, I feel like I've had about six lives in one and that's just so far. And I think sometimes the people don't believe all of the different things that I've done because I've. I've had so many different. There's so many different facets. To me, I think that's a massive strength because it means I can build rapport with people really quickly. I have a lot of empathy and compassion. People just assume and they look at me now that I'm successful and, you know, I don't know if they make assumptions about like my background or my journey. But people are always surprised when they hear about my journey because it has been. I really shouldn't be here in so many different ways. Yeah. Like just in one sense, just being alive, but also the level that I'm working at, the things that I've done in my life, statistically I shouldn't be as successful as I am. Yes.
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A
Yes.
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B
So I think, yeah, I think being creative, being interested in lots of different things, being inquisitive, being curious about life and just not being able to stop, I don't feel like I've had a choice.
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A
And it's also. I think you highlighted a good point. There is. When you start to make real life changes, the friends around you tend to change because either they can hang out or they can't. And there's also that level of setting boundaries with certain friendships or people in, you know, could even be family members that are not supporting your. Where you are right now. And because we're sensitive individuals, I'm assuming that setting boundaries became part of your journey.
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B
Absolutely. Yeah. And I don't actually have. I'm just trying to think. I don't think I have any of my old friendship group and it can be quite lonely.
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A
Yeah.
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But yeah. 100. When you start changing, people want you to be the way that you've always been. So when you start changing and you start setting boundaries, most people don't like that. And I think it also is a mirror to others because if you are not accepting how you are and you want to change things for the better, I think it makes people feel like they should be doing that. Even if you're not judging them for
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A
it, they judge themselves. Right, Exactly.
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B
Yeah. And it makes it quite difficult to be around. But yeah, there's definitely people that. I've had to say I'm sorry. But yeah, it's, you know, friendship wise that it's. It just doesn't work anymore because I'm a different person and I have different expectations of the people that I choose to have around me now.
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A
Yeah. Yeah, that's it. And I just, I know that for many of those listening right now, it's like. Because we tend to be sensitive individuals, if we don't have boundaries, the world just runs us over. It's just there's no way to do anything or integrate any kind of system because just everyone will just run over your boundaries. If you haven't set any, especially if people have gotten a comfortable. Comfortable with you being a certain way, then yeah, it. Because It's a bit of an irritant when you start to change a little bit.
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B
Yeah, I think it's just permanent triggers around you.
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A
Oh, yeah, true. Well, and that's. That's just life itself is constantly throwing stuff at us. So if we don't have any kind of boundaries, then, you know, you've still got to deal with life and life's. It is going to do its thing. So what was the journey then, towards ADHD transformation? Being aware of bringing more awareness to how you're wired and maybe some connection to our work. How. How did that all transpire?
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B
So following, like, the burnout in 2012, that was when I got into the. The bad relationship and also relapsed. So that followed about three or four years and basically my life just became so unbearable. I would have these massive highs, these massive crashes. I actually thought I was bipolar, but obviously I had my adhd. But then when you throw alcohol and drugs into the mix, you're just throwing fuel onto the fire. So it's not surprising that I had these massive highs and massive crashes. But when I came out of the end, at the back of that, I left my teaching career because that was way too stressful. Then I realized, okay, there's still loads of stress in my life. The relationship is causing a lot of stress. So I ended that and I was left severely burnt out and kind of like, what is going on? Like, it was the first time in my life when I was really like, what is wrong with me? Why. Why am I like this? And I started getting a bit more inquisitive about, rather than just kind of surviving as I always had been and just moving forwards. I actually physically had to pause because I just was completely burnt out. And I think that really forced me to look inwards and to question, you know, why am I allowing myself to be in these types of relationships? You know, I'd given up a really good career as a teacher and I was, you know, being told I was middle management, but being told that I, You. They had hopes for me to become, like, assistant head teacher. And I also think there's a part of me that as soon as someone maps out what the journey can be, that for me, my ADHD brain just goes, no, I'm not interested now, because I know what that path leads me to. So I also had to question, like, what is it about me that needs that chaos? I need that unpredictability. If someone tells me, oh, this is you for the next 10 years in this job, that for me is just Like, I want out immediately. Like, that's, that's boring. So when I started having these queries, it was actually YouTube that showed me a video. The certain things I was searching in YouTube about how I was feeling. It showed me a video of a girl talking about adhd. And that kind of triggered a bit of a light bulb moment. I also had a lot of therapy, so I was in counseling for 18 months, like quite intensive counseling. And that had come up a couple of times in the counseling because when I was at school as a teacher, I always used to joke, oh, if I was in school now, I'd be diagnosed with adhd. But I didn't really put two and two together. I don't know how I didn't. I think because they never really talked about adult adhd. It was always like kids and that's right. And then when I thought about it, I'm like, okay, well when you hit 18, you don't just not have ADHD anymore. Like you either neurodiverse or you're not. So then all of these little things just kind of made sense. All the puzzle pieces came together. I saw this video on YouTube and was like, oh, like this could be something. And then I found the ADHD checklist. And when I went through that, I was just, I was so relieved. I was so, like, I had so much self forgiveness for myself because I was like, oh, that's what was going on. And then I was just like, wow, like I've managed to leave school thinking I couldn't learn. I've done my teaching, I've got my bachelor's, I've got my teaching qualification, I've got a master's in education, I've done all of this studying, I've gone through addiction twice, come out the other side and all of this not even knowing and not having the support that I needed for adhd. So for me it was, I had so much self forgiveness. It was so freeing.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Because up until that point I. All I used to do is berate myself internally. Like my inner monologue was just criticizing me for why I couldn't get my stuff together, why I was like this, as if it was my fault, but it made perfect sense. And, and then that's when I started my. Yeah. My journey of proper recovery.
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A
Wow. Wow. Fascinating. So what, what helped initially as you were going through, in, in just kind of taking in the information about ADHD and how we're wired, what was, what were the initial things that you found really helped.
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B
So to be honest, it wasn't until I found your group that I actually fully understood it because there's so much information online. So when I did the six week tracking of what I was eating, how it was affecting me the next day, the day after, when I was having meltdowns and I don't know if everyone does it to this extreme, but for me, when I'm, I'm 100, I'm all or nothing. So when I was doing that, like I was meticulous for six weeks, every single day, I was tracking everything. And that for me was the most helpful thing I've ever done in my entire life because it was just random things like Jacob's cream crackers. Like just things that you wouldn't necessarily think that's going to make me feel depressed. I now know I don't eat them anymore. As much as I love them with cheese, I know that if I was to eat them, I'm going to feel depressed tomorrow. So it did two things. One thing, it highlighted to me what foods did to me. Also, like veggie fingers, you wouldn't necessarily think that's bad, but I think because of the, the batter that they're or they're not butter, the breadcrumbs that they're wrapped in. Yeah, they were also. So you think you're being healthy because it's got vegetables in it, but then it can be making you feel depressed or a certain way. So there's two, two fold. One is knowing what foods affect me and knowing that food can affect me, but also then also knowing why you feel a certain way because a lot of what I was doing and a lot of my energy was expelled on why am I feeling like this, what's wrong with me? And then you're not only feeling depressed, but then you're then spending two days trying to work out what's wrong with you and you're making yourself more depressed because you're not just accepting it.
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Yes.
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B
So now I can be like, okay, why am I feeling like this? And then I'll be like, oh yeah, two days ago I had this, or yesterday I ate an ice cream. Whatever it might be, it, there's an explanation for it. So that's it. I've got adhd. Certain foods that I eat are going to affect my brain, my dopamine levels, my mood, my physical strength and health. And that's just a reality. So it becomes logic rather than emotion. And I think that really helps to not spiral.
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A
Okay, so that, so, so I think you, you joined us in 2020. I think those were the alive. The four six week groups. Okay, so, so the, the nutrition.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Just tracking like what works and what does. Instead of conceptually saying, well, I should do this or I shouldn't do this, you were like, okay, what is actually working? What's taking me down? What'? How does exercise now affect your focus and ability to kind of maintain your systems?
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B
Exercise for me is super important now. Like, oh, it's really good because I've got back into my running and there'll be days when I can feel my body wants to run. Yeah. So it's less of kind of. Yeah. I don't feel like I have to force myself anymore. It's more of a. I know that this is going to make me feel better. Yeah. So I feel like everything I've done. Yeah. That internal dialogue that I have with myself is very different now. It's no longer me telling myself I have to do something, it's acknowledging that I enjoy doing these things because. And you know, the benefit that I get from it. But yeah, exercise is super important. So I'm currently doing yoga, weights, weight training and running. And I think having that combination definitely helps. I've recently got my running plan for the half marathon I'm training for. That's really helped because it actually tells me what I'm doing. Actually, everything that I do has an app that I follow somebody else telling me what to do. For me, I find that really helpful because it kind of takes my brain out of having to do something and it's more focusing on a task. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
So it's less willpower that you need to exert to do the thing you need to do.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Where does mindfulness and meditation fit into all of this?
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B
Oh my God. Huge meditation for me. Anytime I speak to anyone and it's always the last thing a person with ADHD wants to hear is meditation. Like, if there's one thing for people to do to notice the difference, I would say, well, probably the two. The nutrition for sure is super helpful and is a must. But meditation for me has been an absolute game changer. So I started just doing five minutes. I do remember when people were saying, oh, you should meditate. And I just used to laugh at them, like, there's no way I'm going to be able to sit down and not think of anything for five minutes. But I started with just five minutes a day. I then learned transcendental meditation, which is a mantra meditation. I wouldn't say people need to go out and pay money to learn it. It's just because it was a mantra. And I think having the mantra and repeating that for me was helpful at the beginning because I couldn't quieten my mind down. But I think just the process is two things. One is the building up trust with yourself. So I remember being in your group and towards the end of the six weeks, the difference that I had at the beginning of the six weeks in the end was that I trusted myself more. If I say I'm going to do something, yeah, I, I do believe I'm going to follow through with it at some point. I'm not saying I always do it and it's never perfect, but it, I do have that trust. It's going to get done. So with meditation, I think even if it's just five minutes a day, doing it every day builds up that trust within yourself, but also the art of bringing yourself back, regardless of how many times your mind wanders. Practicing bringing yourself back has created such a level of awareness in me that I can now see like, even like the next day. If I'm feeling a certain way, I am able to track back and work out what has happened most of the time. And also originally it just created that gap between something happening and my reaction. And at the beginning, it wasn't big enough for me to not have the impulsive reaction, but it was big enough for me to become aware that the reaction was happening. Yes, yes. So I think over time I've become more aware and that gap gets bigger and bigger. So you can then start choosing how you react to something and just being aware of how something's affecting you. Something someone says or something you've seen online not working out. Like you're able to understand what's going on a lot more.
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A
So it sounds like. And this is what I think about when I think about meditation. It's sort of like you're building a muscle and the muscle is coming back to present moment. Coming back to present moment. Coming back to present moment. I know you've done 10 day retreats. How did the retreat, how did that differ from you sitting down and just trying to do it on a daily basis? What did the retreat give you? That. That just trying to do it on your own didn't give you.
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B
Yeah, that. Yeah. Done two ten day retreats and I've got one coming up and I'm, oh my God, I'm so excited. My body literally is just like, oh, what is it happening? Because I can just feel that I need it so badly now.
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A
Yeah.
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B
So that for me the difference was Just, it's a ten day silent retreat. So you're silent for all of that time. But I think it just really, you just have to sit with yourself because you can't take. When I first went in, I didn't realize you couldn't take anything. I knew you couldn't have your phone but I was like, oh, I'll just journal when I'm in there if things come up. But you're not allowed to the one I go to Vipassana, you're not allowed a pen or paper or anything. So you just are with yourself and your thoughts and the meditation practice. So I think what that's taught me is one massively how much having a digital detox is needed because I work in digital education as well. I'm always on a screen. I'm constantly being bombarded with messaging from social media, tv, but also in my job as well, just how, how, how I've lost my curiosity. So for example, one of the times I was there I realized like I just wondered about something. I think it was to do with like robins or something and I was like, oh, I wonder why they are on Christmas cards. Or because you see them all year round. It's not just at Christmas we see them and I remember telling someone and they told me the answer and I was like no. But the answer didn't matter. What mattered was I realized that normally you would just google it.
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A
Right, right.
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B
And then you don't have a chance to just sit and wonder about things. So just things like that, it just, it gives you an opportunity to practice being with your own thoughts no matter how difficult they are. Not seeking external validation because you can't talk to anyone and they're all strangers anyway. So. But normally you would probably just chat to someone about it and get their viewpoint. So just getting used to trusting your own internal voice I guess. But yeah, also 100 to sit in with those difficult thoughts. I would definitely say though for anyone thinking of going on a retreat I would always, if you've had past trauma, I would always plan for some sort of counseling or therapy for the other side. Yes. Because it can bring up a lot. At the time I went I was already. I've, I've done lots and lots of counseling now in the, in the past seven years. But I definitely would recommend, yeah, having some plan in it before you go in so that you've got some counseling to sort of discuss anything that has come up when you come out.
- [33:57]
A
Absolutely, absolutely. Meditation can bring stuff up, no doubt about it. And it's important to do it smartly and especially if you're going into it from not having meditated before. And I don't want to discourage, I don't want people freaked out like oh wow, this stuff's going to come up.
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B
If you meditate, it's amazing, it gives
- [34:15]
A
you so much but when things come up, if you can process it through it's just like shedding it, you can kind of release it versus just kind of staying stuck in it because meditation is great at building that one muscle but it's not always the thing and usually not the thing that does the emotional healing. Emotional healing is kind of on a different wavelength of processing that meditation can to a degree because I think it brings you mindfulness that you can work with during the process but then do working with the counselor so crucial to just I would guess from your experience to release some of that so that you don't have to carry it with
- [34:53]
B
you as much for sure, absolutely. Yeah. I think for me, because I was just always constantly on the go, I never really stopped to process a lot of my life and yeah, it just gave me the opportunity to just rest, pause, allow the thoughts that you have to come up and to dissipate some of them. But yeah, I would highly recommend doing it for the third time. So if that's not an advertisement for it then I don't know what it is and I can't wait.
- [35:20]
A
There it is. Yeah. And there's many 10 day retreats out there that think the Cuenca retreats are the ones that I'm most familiar with.
- [35:27]
B
Yeah.
- [35:28]
A
And they're all over the world so there's a good chance there might be one. But even just finding a meditation group near you often can be helpful then I would, I think you would agree sometimes starting starting by yourself, to do it by yourself all the time requires so much willpower that if you had a group it makes it a little easier to get the practice going for sure.
- [35:49]
B
Yeah. And I recently went to the local Buddhist center so there are a lot of groups that will have centers of meditation. So yeah, you can go and meditate in a group and that allows you to have that community aspect to it as well. Absolutely. And. And to get into the practice. But yeah, I'd say definitely and always start off small. I would say just start with five minutes. If you've never meditated before, just start with five minutes and aim to do it for three days in a row and then just build it up as that and you are going to have times when you don't do it. But it's again the same as with meditation itself. You just always come back to this is something I'm going to do.
- [36:26]
A
Absolutely. And I think one thing that the carrot I would say, and I don't know if you would agree with me on this, is that our brains constantly talking, talking, talking, talking, talking and be open to the possibility you can actually turn it off, like even for short periods of time. And it's profound if you experience that because it's, it's probably something you experienced when you were a child. There were times where you were just in present moment awareness with no inner chatter. And it's such a relief. And to know that that's possible is a really wonderful carrot to get you going on the path of finding your meditation that works for you. So I want to talk a little bit about, we talk a lot on this podcast about self care, self acceptance, needs awareness, inner dialogue. How has that been part of your journey? And I want to contrast how you were prior to going on this journey of self awareness, maybe in your 20s and where you are now.
- [37:26]
B
So, yeah, self care wasn't even in my vocabulary in my twenties. I think self care would probably just be going out and getting drunk, which is now the complete opposite of what I would say self care is. So when I first started, yeah, I did have to do a lot. And again, this was when I was having a lot of therapy, counseling. My counselor suggested that I have a self care box. So I actually bought a little box and put different things in the box that would represent self care. So I put in a picture of a beautiful landscape that I'd taken. I had some crystals in there. My mum had made me, knitted me this little thing which was filled with lavender so the smell of lavender would calm me down. I would have post it notes in there and colored pens so that I could mindfully draw. I would have like reminders in there to take a hot bath I think when you are somebody. So I always grew up with people like being the caretaker. I was the rescuer in the, in the drama triangle. I was always felt like I had to be the rescuer. I didn't like asking for help. I was very independent. Where I left home at 16, it was very much about not asking for support. I think the first step of self care is accepting that you need help from others 100%. That was the first thing acknowledging that as the first point, but also that it is self care to ask for help. Often we'll have a lot of shame around vulnerability. But actually that's super important. And now I thank myself for my self care. My self care now can look like getting my smoothie prepared the night before so that I don't have to have a mad rush in the morning when I get ready for work. Definitely being more in tune like meditation for me now. I. As soon as there's any kind of ripplings of chaos in my mind, I always have to remind myself like, when did I last meditate? As soon as I fall off my daily meditation practice, I definitely start noticing immediately. But when I the meditation and when I am meditating daily, the internal dialogue means that I'm very aware before any think negative happens that I need to sort of check in with myself. I'm able to check in and think what is it I need right now? I also use the, the needs I think I can't remember. Is it five step journaling?
- [39:54]
A
Yes, the journaling. It's actually one of the podcasts I'm going to release re release here in the next session. Which is based on help, nonviolent communication and needs.
- [40:02]
B
Yes.
- [40:03]
A
Yeah.
- [40:03]
B
So yeah, one of the things that I struggled with was just not knowing how I was feeling, not being able to describe how I'm feeling. When you're constantly going through life and just surviving, you don't really stop to think, what am I feeling right now? What are my needs? Because a lot of the time your needs aren't being met, which is why you do the drinking or the drugs or the external stuff that, that creates the dopamine hits because you just want to feel better. Yeah. But I am able to look now and think, oh, okay, I need connection or I need validation. So there'll be certain friends that I'll reach out to, which also is something that I never would have done before. I'm very much better now. Reaching out to certain friends and knowing certain friends that will be good in different situations. And yeah, so yeah, I think, I don't know. Did that answer your question? But yeah, I think just being in touch with myself, knowing, being able to identify what my needs are and then taking action, positive action, healthy action.
- [41:02]
A
That's it. I mean, yeah, the, the steps are observation, which meditation helps with just observing the situation without judgment.
- [41:09]
B
Yeah.
- [41:09]
A
Am I feeling as. As what's. How is this triggering me in some way? What, what needs underneath that are at the core of it? What, what needs are met are not met, and then what action can I take? Those are the four steps and if you can do those, just rinse and repeat. I mean, just about any situation that's, that's going to help because the needs are always triggering the feelings. That's just how our psyche works. You can't get away from it. And if you recognize it, then, then it can and really enhance your ability to navigate the world. Let's talk about resiliency. So my key goal as a coach is resiliency. If I can support someone being resilient, that's the number one thing I can do because I know that's going to last long after I interact with that person. What in your life, with your practices, contributes to you being resilient? Because I'm guessing just like me and everyone else listening, you fall off. You have days that, that are, you're feeling terrible and awful and then it's hard for you to get to do the things that you know are going to contribute to your balance. How. What is contributing right now to your resiliency?
- [42:18]
B
That's a really good question because I'm actually at a, a point right now where I'm struggling to maintain my daily practices and mainly because I just need a break from work and I don't have any annual leave left. But I do have the retreat booked coming up in a couple of weeks. So I think the main thing is while I'm being kind to myself, I'm. Again, the awareness piece comes into it where I'm aware that my, I'm not at burnout, but I am exhausted and I need to step away from work, but I can't right now. So it's like, okay, well, what can I do in this situation? So I, for me at the moment, resilience is just doing the best that I can and being okay with that. But then actually on the flip side, what's happened as a result of that is I'm, I'm actually doing better than I would have normally been if I, if I'd have been in a situation where I'm at now where I'm like, no, I must get up and I must work out and I have to do this and I have to do that and I become really rigid with my routine and I think there would be. I would be at burnout. But actually, because I've been kind to myself and because I'm like, okay, let's. What can you do? So, for example, on the days that I do yoga in the morning, I've been doing seated yoga. So it's real low effort, but I'm still maintaining the practice this morning, again, prime example, I, I Was just. I really struggled to get out of bed. So I was like, okay, let me do my meditation laying down so I don't give myself the opt to not do something. It's like, how can I do this low effort on the days when I am supposed to go for a run, but I'm feeling physically tired, I will go for a walk instead. And actually what happened today was I ended up doing yoga in the morning, and then I actually did a weights workout at lunchtime as well because I was kind to myself this morning. I. Then I, you know, I haven't used up energy. Beating myself up for not doing more or not doing better.
- [44:22]
A
Yes.
- [44:24]
B
So I think resilience used to be. For me, resilience used to be like, how many times can you get back up again? And now resilience for me is. Is about being kind to myself when I'm feeling. When I'm finding things difficult. So, yeah, I don't know. There's something in the compassion, the self compassion for sure. And I think I'm much more able to be resilient if. If I'm not beating myself up over how I'm feeling as well as struggling at the same time.
- [44:58]
A
Well, and it sounds like you know where your edge is too. It sounds like you're like, as you're talking, like, you know, right now at this point in the. In the year, you're a little bit at your edge. You're like, oh, I know I'm here. This is what's happening. And I need to adapt to that. Instead of just pushing through or just going, screw it, I'm just gonna do whatever I want to do. Which. Which is both are equal. Because 1. Both will actually lead to that.
- [45:22]
B
Yeah.
- [45:23]
A
Because if you push too hard, you end up going back to just forget it. I'm just give up. You crash.
- [45:27]
B
Yeah. And I think at the moment I've got a little bit of both. I'm not gonna. There is like. There is like an internal resistance because my body wants that break. It's kind of resisting. Yeah, it's resisting being so rigid, but it's also, yeah, just bringing myself back to basic practice and just doing the minimum that I can.
- [45:48]
A
That's it. Just keeping the practice going.
- [45:51]
B
Yeah.
- [45:51]
A
Okay, so I want to just highlight some of the things you said because they just kind of reflect on the things that we. We talk about quite a bit on this podcast. So let me see if I got them all here. So one of them was nutrition, doing the tracking, being aware of what foods are affecting your Ability to focus on exercise, self awareness. Just knowing that there's strengths and challenges to this wiring and you're adapting to them. It sounds like the ability to have good inner dialogue with yourself. So self awareness needs awareness recogn, self compassion, self care and mindfulness and meditation, of course. And then it sounds like resiliency is the result of integrating those in enough to where the overall system is stable and you can keep yourself in balance. Would that be accurate?
- [46:41]
B
Yeah, absolutely.
- [46:42]
A
Before we continue, you had one win about Prosperity Consciousness, which is an audiobook I constantly recommend and I've. I've referenced it in my book the Drum in the Great Mountain, Frederick Lehrman. And I'm always fascinated when I just recommend it to people and I always tell them the same thing. It's a little dated, came out in the 90s. But the information is so valuable. You need to listen to this. If you're struggling with finances, then it's a really good audiobook to listen to because it really gives you context to how you think about money. And it's not like a get rich quick kind of. Even though the name would. Would possibly imply that it's really about kind of a foundational approach to how you view money in the world and how you set up savings accounts and things like that. So I would love to hear your win from the. From listening to that audiobook.
- [47:33]
B
Yeah, so. So a couple of years before I joined your group, to be about seven years ago now in total, I was declared bankrupt. So just from years of basically overspending, I didn't know how to manage my money. As a teacher, I was on quite good money. But yeah, I just never had any. And then when I joined your. Your group, I remember you mentioning it and I listened to it. And within those five years I basically listened to it every year. One year I went all out and did mind maps and everything whilst I was listening to it. But basically in those five years I went from being bankrupt to just last year buying a property in London on my own, which is pretty much unheard of, but it was following the steps and I didn't even follow all of them exactly. There's still stuff that I need to learn because I'm listening to it again now. And there's still stuff that I need to learn in terms of investment. But just managing my money with the different bank accounts and having a real clear acknowledgment of where my money is going meant I was able to save for my deposit. And I was basically building up my credit from Being bankrupt to now being in the excellent band, I just, yeah, just following that meant that I just had an awareness of where my money was going, how to save for the deposit and basically just had my finances. So in order to that I just got my mortgage approved. So much easier because they could see that I was managing my money really well. Also the use of credit cards to build up. So not the use of credit cards to spend money that you don't have, but to build up your credit as well to show that you can manage your credit. And that was from the audio book? Yeah. So I would definitely highly recommend anyone to listen to it, but actually do the practice as well. I think it's not just if you just listen to it, it is going to help somewhat because it reframes your way of thinking. But if you just do the steps in there, for sure 100% is going to help you.
- [49:33]
A
Fantastic. Such a great win. Yeah. And I just learned about that one, so we got to share that. Well, I would love to hear about your ADHD work as an ADHD coach. You recently got your, you did your training.
- [49:45]
B
Yeah.
- [49:45]
A
Tell me about like what was the motivation to do that and what is the focus that you have in your practice?
- [49:54]
B
So I was able to do the coaching apprenticeship through my work. So over in the UK we have something called an apprenticeship levy. So if you work for any company, they basically get money from the government to allow their staff to carry out an apprenticeship that they can't spend on anything else. So it's an incentive for businesses to use it for that. And I was able to, to get a Level 5 coaching qualification through the apprenticeship which was great and definitely something that I noticed through pure coaching is basically non directive. So you can't offer any advice or guidance which is really helpful if someone has a very clear goal. But it really made me aware of why you need ADHD coaches specifically. Because if someone has adhd, someone like myself who had a late diagnosis, if you don't know that you had adhd, you've never learned any strategies, you cannot coach someone out of that. And what I found was when you coach people that are struggling with adhd, either diagnosed or undiagnosed, they think they're doing coaching wrong and it can actually have a detrimental effect because you're trying to coach them and as if they have all the answers, but they, they don't, they literally don't have the answers because they don't know what's happening. So it made me realize that one, that coaching for neurotypical neurodiverse people is different and needs to be different. Different, but also how helpful it is to have a workshop like the workshop I did with yourself, but also for women my age. So I'm 45 now, going through perimenopause. A lot of the symptoms of ADHD are very similar to perimenopause symptoms. Yes. And what we're finding is there's a lot of women who are discovering they've got ADHD as they're going through the menopause and perimenopause because the symptoms are becoming exacerbated to the point that they, some people are, some women are having to leave work. And I kind of think that hormones played a part back when I was super stressed as well. Now when I think about hormonally, I do think that played a part and I ended up having to leave work and spending my time recovering. So I now basically am an ADHD coach for women between 35 and 60 and I run a workshop where I basically teach all of the strategies that I use on a day to day basis that have helped me to navigate adhd. But I'm also finding that it's helping me to navigate perimenopause as well because I have a lot of peers who are really struggling as they go through the perimenopause and are now asking me for advice on what I do because the strategies I'm using support with brain fog, disturbed sleeping, issues with weight. So many different things that you find that mimic the symptoms helpful. So that's what I now do.
- [52:58]
A
It's fantastic. And I know you'll be having some in person workshops coming up in London sometime soon. How do people get a hold of you? How. What's the best way for them to find out about your work?
- [53:11]
B
So I've got my website, lauren regencoaching.com so people can contact me through the website and I run workshops for businesses and organizations as well. So if anyone interested they can just reach out to me through my website and find out more.
- [53:28]
A
Fantastic. And I'll leave a link in the description of this episode for that. Fantastic. Okay, so in wrapping up what are some like two or three tips you feel like would be most helpful that had you wished you had been told early on as you were making your changes.
- [53:44]
B
I think the first one is it isn't a quick fix but it's totally worth it I think is number one. I think especially if you're adhd. You, you, you don't, you can't. It's really hard to think long term. But the way that I thought about it from the beginning was for me, if I'm still here in five years time, like, yeah, it might, you know, saying to someone, oh, it's going to take five years for you to feel the massive benefits. Number one, it doesn't take that long to feel massive benefits that are definitely quick wins, which I'll share next. But number two, you, you're going to be here in five years anyway. So do you want to be feeling better in five years or do you want to be feeling the same as where you are now? The answer for me at the time was I definitely 100 didn't want to feel the way that I was feeling at that time. So that's where I got my motivation that, you know, that little one thing that you're doing every single day is eventually going to build up to building that muscle like you mentioned and making you feel 100 times better. Like, my life now, my bad days now are like nowhere near what they used to be at all. Like, my life is completely turned around. I'm a different person. I have a different mindset. I actually cried on New Year's Day this year because I was just so grateful that I did the work because there was a time when I didn't want to be around. So it really made me realize actually it is worth it. It's definitely worth taking those little steps forwards. Number two would be to have your non negotiables. So don't try and do everything because there's so many different things that we can be doing. But when you're starting out, you can't do all of them. And I think that's a mistake that I made and a lot of people do make because we try and fix everything and then your, your body is gonna reject it. So I know, Michael, you talk about the ADHD being a child and I also use that analogy. You know, if you've got a naughty child and you take away their sweets, you make them work out every day, you tell them they have to focus all day, they're not allowed to have their phone, and you do all of that at once, they are going to rebel. That's like crazy. That's right, yeah. Do not try and do everything at once. I have my non negotiables and my non negotiables are my smoothie in the morning with my 20 grams of protein. And now I have so many different ingredients in there. But I would start with nutrition. Personally, this is what I did. Nutrition and meditation. And I think if you just have those as your non negotiables that every morning, even though I might eat bad the rest of the day, at least I know I've had one healthy meal in the morning and it's good for me and it gets me started in the day and then my meditation practice for me, if I, if I could only have one thing, it would be meditation and I would say just start with five minutes a day. Don't try and do anything too drastic. Just start with five minutes a day and just, just track it as well. That would also be something. Find an app where you can track what it is you're doing because if you can gamify it, it makes it much more interesting. So yeah, that would be my thing. So yeah, in terms of thinking long term, remember you're going to be here anyway and just think where do you want to be? Do you want to be 10 steps forward or do you want to be exactly the same as you are? Think about your nutrition. How can you start your day with one healthy meal in the morning and then meditation practice? And it might be different for different people. Maybe it's exercise, whatever it might be, but just choose one thing that's still non negotiable, that if you don't do anything else that day, as long as you do that one thing, you're off to a good start. And then as you start to build up that habit, you can then start stacking it with the other habits on top of that.
- [57:27]
A
Fantastic advice. Thank you, Lauren. I so grateful you could join us. The voice you're about to hear on the outro is Lauren's voice. So you've been hearing her voice and so like oh wait, that voice sounds familiar. Yeah, it's because she's, she, she did the outro for this. It's just been wonderful to hear your journey and thank you so much for joining us.
- [57:46]
B
Oh, thanks so much for having me. Honestly, it's an absolute honor.
- [57:50]
A
And that's it. I hope you enjoyed our conversation with Lauren Regan. As a reminder, our next online time and task management workshop happens on August 16th and 21st. If you're interested, go to drummerinthegreatmountain.com and until next time, be well.
- [58:13]
B
Thanks for joining us. If you'd like to learn more about the book the Drummer and the Great Mountain, visit Drummer and the Great Mountain.com to join us on social media. Click the links at the top of the homepage. Help us spread the word. We're a small press and reviews really help. If you've been enjoying the podcast or the book, consider writing a review on itunes, Amazon, Goodreads, or your podcast app. If you're new to the podcast and want to quickly get up to speed on the concepts we discuss, check out our free 5 day mini course. Visit drummerandthegreatmountain.com Minicourse if there's a topic you'd like us to cover on future episodes, we'd love to hear from you. Please send us an email@infodrummaandthegreatmountain.com.