Adult Child Podcast

Episode: SHITSHOW SATURDAY #149 - Josh S.
Host: Andrea
Guest: Josh S.
Date: April 12, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Adult Child dives into the lifelong reverberations of growing up in a dysfunctional family system. Host Andrea welcomes listener and community member Josh S. for a raw, vulnerable conversation about complex trauma, codependency, generational pain, and the struggle to move toward genuine healing and self-compassion. Josh shares deeply about his family’s battles with mental illness, his own experience of dissociation and loss, and the journey from religious traditions of spiritual bypassing to integrating trauma-informed approaches like IFS and parts work.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Finding the “Shit Show” Community and Value in Confessional Spaces

• Josh discovered the podcast through a friend and immediately resonated with the open, confessional nature of the community.
  • “I just have a high value for confessional communities. ...Living in spaces where it’s safe to share without judgment or consequence, you know, you just show up as you are, and you share.” (00:33 – 00:54)

Light-Hearted Icebreakers

• Fun banter about what song to enter a room to, favorite carb (baked potato with queso), and condiment aversions—especially Josh’s noted dislike of ketchup.

  • Host: “We know you love ketchup.”
  • Josh: “No ketchup, please… There’s no part of me that likes ketchup.” (03:22–03:39)

• Josh points to picky eating as a combination of sensory sensitivity and an assertion of rebellious autonomy in the face of family pressure.

Early Realization of Family Dysfunction and Impact

• Josh’s journey of recognition started in college while reading counseling textbooks.
  • “I realized, like, a lot of the reason why I wanted to…do that route [counseling] was because I wanted to influence people and have…people experience the kind of connection that I felt with music or worship and connection to God specifically.” (07:00–07:30)
• He describes the physical toll of trauma—shutting down, dissociation, somatic symptoms.
  • “My body shut down on me and I was extremely dissociated, like living in the third person and a lot of crazy symptoms and also just this chronic rejection, complex victim complex.” (08:01–08:28)
• Began to notice how the roots of these issues stretched back long before the “obvious” traumas of parental loss and chaos.

Trauma and Spirituality: Breakdown and Bypassing

• The trauma of Josh’s parents’ mental illness, mother’s hospitalizations, father’s dissociation, and brother’s addiction—loss and loneliness were constants.
• Profound dissociation after his father’s tragic, unexpected death. Emotional numbing was followed by periodic emotional release especially in spiritual settings.
  • “I like couldn’t feel anything for like six months. ...Then I was sitting in a worship service and I felt the presence of God again. ...had like a whole like scream cry thing.” (15:02–15:35)
• Wrestling with spiritual bypassing: striving for connection with God as an emotional escape.
  • “It’s kind of a way of, like, spiritually bypassing. ...I learned that later on.” (10:49–10:59)
  • “I was so entrenched in that, you know, I gotta live righteously lifestyle and live what God would want me to do. But there was a lot of shame in that.” (14:19–14:33)

[Notable Moment: The “Severing”]

• Josh describes sensing a “severing” with God at the precise time his mother was institutionalized (11:05–12:09)
  • “There was, like, nothing. It was like a severing. ...I just couldn’t connect with him. ...I think that severing was that moment that I sensed, which is kind of crazy, but I’ve just always been, like, empathic like that.” (11:50–12:09)

The Aftershocks: Codependency and Harmful Relationship Patterns

• Describes intense codependency in a post-high school relationship, influenced by unhealthy ministry leadership.
  • “They did not want me and her together...very spiritual, abusive, very controlling...almost like a pawn in their game.” (17:41–18:26)
  • Shaming messages, “You need to grow up, Josh. You’re immature, you’re insecure, you’re not good enough for her...” (18:36–20:18)
  • Internalized message: “I’m bad, I have to fix me.”

Evolution of Faith & Healing: From Shame to Compassion

• Identifies the damage caused by Western Christian focus on sin and darkness, reframes faith toward innate goodness:
  • “We were actually never designed to look at our evil or our shame or the things that are bad within us and others. [We’re] actually designed to only experience the good.” (20:51–21:05)
  • Profound relief in realizing the “shame message” wasn't from God.

The Embodied Impact of Trauma

• Traumatic seasons led to a physical inability to feel positive emotions; describes living as a “blob,” observing himself rather than living (22:13–23:21).
  • “To not feel is...to live a life worth—not worth living. ...I’ve had to fight for my body back, had to fight for sensations and emotions back...even if it’s sad, ...I can’t and I won’t go back to not feeling. That’s torture.” (22:13–23:31)

Transitioning From Spiritual Bypassing to Trauma-Informed Healing

• Spiritual experiences alone were not enough; needed a trauma approach (25:17–26:47).
  • “My heart posture and it wasn’t helpful, you know, looking to those experiences to heal me. ...When I encountered God in the most genuine way, he looks back and goes to a place of brokenness inside of me.” (25:28–26:25)
• Deconstructed prior beliefs in last few years, created space for his OWN beliefs and experiences.

Therapeutic Modalities: IFS, Parts Work, and Splankna

• Discovered Internal Family Systems (IFS) through a podcast and became involved in group therapy (27:52–30:13).
  • “IFS...treating people, different parts of people with the utmost respect and honor and believing that each person has the innate ability to heal.” (31:28–32:12)
• Tried Splankna, an integrative energy-oriented therapy, after feeling haunted by baby cries—realizing deeper, pre-verbal wounds needed attention (28:09–29:07).

[Notable Quote]

• “I think it’s one of the biggest lies in the world to believe that we’re depraved, you know, that we are not…I think we look a lot more like God than we look like sin.” (32:22–32:39)

Family System, Generational Trauma, and Details of Upbringing

• Both parents carried significant unresolved trauma and mental illness:
  • “Both of them didn’t know how to look at their own shit and very much avoided it and spiritually bypassed everything.” (33:47–34:09)
  • Recounts manic and psychotic episodes, being the child who had to call 911 (36:34–36:59)
• Intergenerational patterns: Josh’s grandparents were also abusive or emotionally neglectful (37:24–38:11).

Where Josh is Now: Living into Healing & Hope

• Expresses gratitude for evolving from fundamentalist faith to a personal, dynamic relationship with God.

  • “I get really sad when I see that happen and people turn away from God...I just see him as like the best friend, you know, the best kind of person you’d want around...” (39:21–39:50)
  • “I feel proud of myself that I’ve had the cajones to go there with God. ...There’s a joy there and a humanity there I feel with God...What if it could just be that simple?” (39:52–40:47)

• Current work:

  • Focusing on building a life he wants, shifting from a fixation on “fixing” himself to planting seeds of joy and happiness (40:51–42:15)
    • “The most beneficial thing for me in this season...is to focus on the good and focus on building a life that I want to live and forcing myself to smile, because I know that will help me feel more joyful.” (41:57–42:15)
  • Using tapping and somatic techniques to increase joy and allow positive feelings.

Hopes and Dreams for the Future

• Desires to develop a homestead or healing commune to offer a safe space for those dealing with mental illness—especially youth.
  • “It’s been a dream of mine too, like, what would it look like...to have a safe place for people that are mentally ill, kids or adults...” (45:01–46:16)
  • Combines desire for community living with insight into effective, nutritional, root-cause approaches to healing.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Trauma isn’t what happens to you, it’s what you’re left with.” – Josh (12:35)
• “I would have to shake for hours before I could sleep at night because of all the, like, survival energy just pulsing in my system. I couldn’t feel positive emotions...It was like I had a constant headache in my body.” – Josh (21:52–22:13)
• “You’re speaking your truth.” – Host Andrea (33:06)
• “I feel like I just had that shift too of like let’s, let’s like focus on abundance and like joy and fun and let’s start living life…and from the standpoint of like money’s coming, good things are coming...” – Host Andrea (43:01–43:14)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:33–00:54: Josh on the value of confessional community
• 07:00–08:30: Recognition of dysfunctional family patterns
• 11:05–12:09: Sensing parental crisis spiritually—“the severing” moment
• 14:19–15:35: High school trauma, emotional numbing, and spiritual outlets
• 17:41–18:26: Codependency in relationships and spiritual abuse
• 20:51–21:05: Reframing faith toward goodness over shame
• 22:13–23:31: Living in dissociation and reclaiming feeling
• 27:52–30:13: Discovery of IFS and parts work
• 33:47–34:09: Generational patterns and parental avoidance
• 39:21–39:50: Evolving into a new relationship with God
• 41:57–42:15: Focus on building a new life and cultivating joy
• 45:01–46:16: Dream of a healing community for mental illness

Conclusion

This episode is a powerful testament to the messy complexity and hope of healing from dysfunction and trauma. Josh’s honesty about pain, loss, faith, therapy, and building new dreams will resonate deeply with anyone growing up as an “adult child”—striving for authenticity, joy, and connection after survival.