439 | Perfect DOESN'T Exist! Have The Audacity & Do It Badly.

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Affirmations for Black Girls
Host: Tyra The Creative
Episode: 439 | Perfect DOESN'T Exist! Have The Audacity & Do It Badly.
Date: November 10, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Tyra The Creative takes a heartfelt, honest look at the myth of perfectionism and its paralyzing grip, especially among Black women. She explores why we tie our worth to flawless execution, how fear (not excellence) often fuels perfectionist habits, and why embracing a messy, audacious start is the real path to growth and fulfillment. Tyra draws from her personal experiences in content creation, dating, and the pressures of striving for excellence in spaces not designed for us. She offers actionable strategies for listeners to break free from perfectionism, build confidence, and create more authentically—"doing it badly," on purpose, as an act of courage and self-love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Perfectionism Trap

• Societal Worship of the Perfect First Try
  Tyra opens with a reflection on society’s obsession with those who "get it right the first time," noting how we ignore “the mess it really took to get them there.”

  • “Somewhere along the way, somebody taught us if we can't do it perfectly, we shouldn't be doing it at all… But that's where the real growth happens. In the mess of it all, in the time spent figuring it out.” ([02:42-03:39])

• Perfectionism as Fear Disguised as Productivity
  Tyra asserts that for many, especially Black women, perfectionism is really about fear—of judgment, of failure, or of not being enough.

  • “Perfectionism is not protection, y’all. It isn't a guideline to follow, and if anything, it's a cage.” ([04:52-04:58])
  • “I truly believe perfectionism is fear dressed up as productivity.” ([06:52-06:56])

• Origins of Perfectionism
  The roots of perfectionism can be traced to formative experiences:

  • School (critical grading),
  • Work (fear of mistakes costing everything),
  • Home (conditional love linked to achievement).
  • “For me, it was a combination of all three… I thrive on praise and doing things the right way.” ([08:36-08:47])

• Perfectionism as a Survival Tactic
  Tyra discusses how, especially for Black people, perfection isn’t just about self-image, but survival in a system built against them.

  • “Striving for perfection has been a tactic to survive in spaces where we've had to be twice as good to get half as far.” ([09:20-09:35])

Breaking the Cycle—Permission to Start Messy

• Affirmation of the Week
  “I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way.”
  Tyra leads listeners in repeating this out loud, emphasizing self-compassion and the permission to grow through imperfection. ([05:04-06:49])

• Perfectionism Is Unobtainable
  “Perfectionism does not truly exist because perfectionism is always in the eye of the beholder… we tend to move the goalpost.” ([07:49-08:05])

• Personal Example—Creative Work
  Tyra recounts her initial hesitancy to post YouTube videos or podcasts unless they were “perfect.” Over time, posting “messy” content is what resonated most with her audience.

  • “The content that goes viral or takes off is more often than not the pieces of content that, one, I didn't spend a lot of time making, or two, I said, you know what, let's just get it up and forget about it.” ([14:03-14:18])
  • “Done is better than perfect because it moves you forward, builds your confidence, and lets the next level of creativity show up.” ([20:28-20:41])

• Stand-Up Comedy: A Vulnerable Dream
  Tyra shares her apprehension about trying stand-up comedy due to her fear of public failure and embarrassment, illustrating the grip of perfectionism.

  • “I am shaking in my boots to try because I would be mortified if people did not laugh at my jokes.” ([11:26-11:34])
  • “That is the illusion believing that if it's not flawless, that it’s not worth doing.” ([11:58-12:08])

Practical Tools to Combat Perfectionism

• Time Boxing/Time Blocking
  Short, focused bursts to minimize procrastination and perfectionist paralysis.

  • “It's easier for me to stay laser focused on one thing for like, an hour, versus all day.” ([17:13-17:18])

• Gentle vs. Harsh Deadlines

  • Tyra finds that sometimes, harsher time limits spark her best work.
  • “Harsh deadlines is when I thrive the best… I think it's good to mix the harsh deadlines with the gentle deadlines.” ([18:43-18:49])

• Separate Creation From Editing

  • Create first, polish later. Don’t edit yourself in real-time, as it stifles creativity.

• Share (or Don’t Share) Early Work

  • Some benefit from early feedback, others from keeping drafts private to avoid paralysis from external judgment.

• Reframing Mistakes as ‘Data, Not Defeat’

  • “You either have blessings or lessons, right? So reframe your mistakes as data, not as defeat.” ([15:35-15:45])

Learning Out Loud: The Power of Public Process

• TikTok’s ‘Post Your Drafts’ Trend
  Tyra examines a trend where creators share unedited “draft” videos—these go viral because audiences crave authenticity.

  • “People are loving them… because they are relatable. The magic is not in perfection and it never has been. It’s in showing the process.” ([26:39-26:56])

• Overcoming the Fear of Public Mistakes

  • Fear of failure is often about shame, not skill.
  • “When we hide those messy drafts… that’s what keeps us stuck. And a fear of failure is usually tied to shame and not actual skill.” ([27:36-27:52])

• Vulnerability Invites Connection

  • By showing up messy, you give others permission to do the same.
  • “Vulnerability builds community and connection. So when someone sees you start messy, they feel safe to do the same.” ([29:07-29:17])

• Personal Growth Story
  Tyra reflects on her long-term adolescent relationship and the fear of public “failure” that kept her from breaking up sooner—a lesson in the value of messy endings and growth.

• Balance in Sharing

  • “I do believe there is a thing as over sharing… everything isn't meant to be shared publicly to that extent. There is a balance between learning out loud and over sharing.” ([31:54-32:14])

Cultural & Inspirational Examples

• Tyler Perry’s Early Failures

  • “His first big play… came out in 1992 and it flopped. Only about 30 people showed up… Now… he owns his own empire. All because he didn’t wait for perfection.” ([34:52-35:08])

• Mantra on Growth

  • “Every version of you that's tried, that stumbled and started again is proof that you are stronger and softer and more capable. Every misstep, every draft, every oops is evidence of your progress.” ([35:56-36:26])

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Top Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Perfectionism’s True Nature

  • “Perfectionism is fear, perfectionism is procrastination. It's the lie that says you can't start until you're ready and you can't move until it's already perfect.” ([33:44-33:55])

• On Taking Audacious Action

  • “Growth happens in that mess, not just in the highlight reel that we're used to seeing on social media these days.” ([33:16-33:20])
  • “You don’t need to get it right. You just need to start. Be bold. The only wrong move is not moving at all.” ([35:56-36:04])

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Practical Takeaways & Action Items

• Affirmation:
  Repeat: “I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way.”

• Action Steps:

  • Try ‘time boxing’ creative or administrative tasks.
  • Embrace both gentle and firm deadlines.
  • Post or share imperfect work; see feedback as data.
  • Resist editing in real-time during the creative process.
  • Know your comfort level with sharing drafts and stick to what helps you grow.

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(BONUS) Solo Dolo: Tyra's Dating Life

(Fun Segment - [38:13-48:33])

• Tyra offers candid updates on her dating experiences, including a positive outlook on a new romantic interest (long-distance on the horizon!) and several amusing, honest stories about recent dates. This segment showcases her commitment to vulnerability and “learning out loud”—even when sharing awkward or uncomfortable moments, such as repeated odd money jokes from a date.
• Notable Quote:
  • “I don’t like broke. I said it. And I’m not saying that this man was broke, but after we finished playing games, he started saying that he was broke. And I thought it was the weirdest thing.” ([40:36-40:52])
  • Tyra demonstrates how she’s practicing healthy boundaries: “I was like, I don't want to go on another date with you. And all I said to him, I was very, you know, nice and cordial. I was like, after our last conversation, I don't think we're on the same page.” ([45:53-46:28])

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Conclusion

Tyra closes by reminding listeners of the power in “just starting” and letting go of perfection as an impossible, paralyzing standard. She urges her community—especially Black women—to have the audacity to show up, sometimes “badly,” and to trust the process of growth and self-acceptance.

“Start messy, embrace the process, and trust yourself enough to grow through it, because I truly believe that that is where the magic lives.” ([36:26-36:29])

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Key Timestamps

• 02:42-03:39 — Romanticizing perfection on the first try
• 05:04-06:49 — Affirmation: Permission to start messy
• 09:20-09:35 — Perfectionism as survival for Black women
• 11:26-12:08 — Fears holding us back from starting
• 14:03-14:18 — Viral content created imperfectly
• 15:35-15:45 — “Blessings or lessons”—mistakes as data
• 17:13-17:18 — Time boxing as a focus tool
• 20:28-20:41 — Why “done is better than perfect”
• 26:39-26:56 — Magic of showing process over perfection
• 29:07-29:17 — Vulnerability creates community
• 33:44-33:55 — “Perfectionism is fear… the lie that you can’t start until perfect”
• 34:52-35:08 — Tyler Perry’s example
• 35:56-36:04 — The only wrong move is not moving at all
• 38:13-48:33 — Solo Dolo: Tyra’s dating stories

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This episode is a vibrant, empowering reminder: Stop waiting for perfect; have the audacity to “do it badly” and let your real journey—and growth—begin.

Transcript

[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

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[Tyra]

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[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

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[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

Affirmations have you ever noticed how we romanticize the girl who gets it right on the first try? Everybody loves to glamorize the first try success story, and we applaud the flawless debut, the perfect launch, the overnight success story. And then we pretend that we don't see the mess that it really took to get them there. What about all of the drafts? What about the redos? And inevitably thinking, what am I even doing? Somewhere along the way, somebody taught us that if we can't do it perfectly, we shouldn't be doing it at all. We picked up the idea that excellence is born and not built, and that confidence is something you magically wake up with one day rather than a muscle that you learn to flex. But that's where the real growth happens. In the mess of it all, in.

The time spent figuring it all out.

And the truth is, and I'm going.

To put this as plainly as I.

Can for y', all, that obsession that you have with getting it right on the first time is robbing you of your growth. It's robbing you of your creative freedom and uniqueness. So let's learn to start messy, make mistakes, and release the idea that failure means that you're not good enough.

[Guest/Interjection]

Powerful.

Things are as powerful.

[Tyra]

What is going on?

Beautiful people, you are listening to the affirmations for Black Girls Pod where we focus on personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves. I am your host, Tyra, the creative actress, content creator, and mental health enthusiast. And like I said in the opening, your obsession with getting it right the first time is holding you back. And I've been there. And it's something that I am constantly trying to unlearn. And perfectionism is not protection, y'. All. It isn't a guideline to follow. And if anything, it's a cage. And it robs us of the beauty of learning and unlearning.

And I would even say it makes.

Us a little weak.

But before we dive into all of.

That, we have to jump into our affirmation. So this week's affirmation is, I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way.

Mmm.

Let'S go ahead and drop in, y'. All. I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way. I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way. I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way and let's say one last time together I give myself permission to start messy and grow along the way. I absolutely love this affirmation because it clearly says that you don't have to.

Have it figured all out at all times.

And I truly believe perfectionism is fear.

Dressed up as productivity. And I say that from experience, y'.

All, the point isn't to aim to be perfect. It's to keep showing up, to keep trying, to keep learning what works for you. Okay, so you know that feeling where you don't even want to actually start something because you're terrified that it won't be perfect? That experience is perfectionism whispering in your ear. Let me give you a definition. The word perfectionism literally means refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

And I'm going to be the first.

One to say, in my humble opinion, perfectionism does not truly exist because perfectionism is always in the eye of the beholder. And what we tend to do as.

Perfectionists, and I'm a recovering perfectionist, what.

We tend to do is move the goalpost. But where did we even learn that voice, that perfectionist voice? Maybe it came from school, where your tests were always full of red ink for all of your mistakes and the ones you got wrong. Maybe from work, your job, where one misstep felt like it would cost you everything. Or was it from your family growing up, where expectations were high and love sometimes felt conditional?

I'd say for me, it was a.

Combination of all three of those things.

And I personally thrive on praise and.

Doing things the right way.

Right. So getting the right answer on a.

Test, nailing a presentation, or even just making someone proud, it feels good. But the problem is, when perfection becomes the measure for your worth, fear shows up. Fear of embarrassment, fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of wasting your time. And let's be real, sometimes perfectionism can be survival. For so many of us, striving for perfection has been a tactic to survive in spaces where we've had to be twice as good to get half as far. And y' all know what I'm talking about. That pressure leaks into everything, Every part of our lives. Our careers, our creative projects, even dating.

And I've said this before in an episode.

I used to treat dates like they were an interview.

I felt like I was on an interview in them.

And I want it to be pleasant. I wanted to be attentive. I wanted to be a good candidate to be dating, right? And what I would do was suppress my eccentric personality, which isn't a bad thing in itself.

But I felt like I was being.

A very polished, perfect version of Tyra.

And I'm. I'm dealing with this right now, like in my.

The way I present myself online.

But I felt like I was being.

That version versus my whole self because I wanted to get it right. I wanted to be pg.

And I think my desire to be.

Perfect is deeply rooted in a fear of failure. Now, that can be different for you, but for me, that's what I leaned on.

And once I was able to pinpoint that fear for myself, I was able.

To start showing up for myself in.

The various areas of my life where.

I had that fear. I also think that striving for perfectionism.

Is also a survival tactic, especially for.

Black people, because the systems weren't built for us.

But we gonna leave it at that for this episode. And I don't know about you, but I grew up hearing, like I said from everybody around me, we gotta be.

Twice as good to get half as far. And that sentiment was illustrated on the daily in my life growing up in.

A small plantation town like St. Francisville, Louisiana.

So I want y' all to think about one thing that you've avoided starting because of the fear of failing publicly because it felt bigger than the desire you had to actually try the thing. And for me, I'll be honest, that is stand up comedy, y'.

All.

I am shaking in my boots to try because I would be mortified if people did not laugh at my jokes.

I swear, if I got up on that stage and did stand up comedy, because let me say this, so many people have told me that I should do stand up comedy because I'm so funny.

And I'm like, I am not funny for real.

I'm situationally funny. And I'm from the South. We are just very colorful in the way that we talk. So y' all just be laughing. But anyways, I was like, if I'm.

Gonna be up there and they don't.

Laugh my jokes, I'm gonna be mortified.

One, but I'm going to pass out.

Because I'm gonna want to cry and.

I'm gonna be so embarrassed. But here's the thing. That is the illusion believing that if it's not flawless, that is not worth doing.

And I'm preaching to the choir here. Y' All. But here's the truth.

Perfectionism is not the point. Growth is effort is showing up is experiencing new things is. Now, I do want to say this. This is not permission to stop caring or to stop striving for greatness.

Excellence still matters, and it always has.

But your worth is never tied to.

How right you get something on the first try. Right?

Not your job, not your grades, not your art, not your love life. Nothing. You don't need to be perfect to be enough. You just need to start and then.

[Host/Advertiser]

Learn along the way.

[Tyra]

Something that I am still trying to ram into my thick skull is the fact that done is better than perfect. I think momentum is what builds confidence, and you only gain clarity once you're in motion.

So, for example, my YouTube channel, for the longest time, I. I would film.

Stuff and I wouldn't post everything, right?

And then when I saw I had more videos in the backlog that I was like, this is weird. I don't know what to do with this content than the ones that were actually going up. I told myself, tyra, it's time to.

Post it, because we need to flex that muscle of being consistent and putting ourselves out there.

And that was back in 2017 when I started my YouTube channel. And now it is 2025, and I have 77,000 subscribers over on YouTube. And I think it's mainly because I.

Threw stuff up to see what stuck. And one thing that I noticed when I was jotting down my notes for.

This episode, specifically when it came to my YouTube channel, the content that goes.

Viral or takes off is more often than not the pieces of content that, one, I didn't spend a lot of time making, or two, I said, you.

Know what, I don't know if this.

Is going to work.

Let's just get it up and forget about it.

And I think that is a perfect representation of why done is better than perfect.

Because when I look back at those pieces of content and I see that they have millions of views, I'm like, this. This is what y' all wanted to see. And they have amazing comments.

They have so many people saying, oh.

Tyra, this is so great. I love this. More content like this. And I was like, wow, I really.

Almost left this on the cutting room floor.

And the fact that I didn't got me hundreds of subscribers based off of that. Another area that I am trying to.

Flex more consistency in. And it started. Well, it started from just throwing stuff.

Up and being consistent is my podcast now. I've always talked about my podcast on here and how it started out as a hobby, but looking back on how my podcast started, I was like, you know what? Whenever I got anything to talk about, I'm just gonna post it.

And then I ended up in all.

These magazines and, you know, the Spotify radar program and all of those things, because y' all listen to my podcast week after week.

So thank you so much for that. But I think on the flip side of that, because there are situations where.

I'm like, okay, is this the right thing to do?

Or what can I learn from this?

I think you either have blessings or lessons, right?

So reframe your mistakes as data, not as defeat.

Like, don't take that as a sign to stop going. So take the lessons that you learned.

Into your next season of life.

So if I am looking back on my old podcast episodes or my old.

YouTube videos, it puts me into that mindset of, oh, this was cringy, or.

Oh, that didn't sound too great.

But here is what I learned, and that's what I love about what I.

Do, because I've spent a lot of time going back and looking at my old content just to say, okay, this is actually, you know, better for me.

So I want to give you guys a couple of productivity or creative hacks that you can use to help push through that perfectionist freeze.

The first one is time boxing.

So this is where you commit a.

Short amount of time for focused bursts.

Instead of endless paralyzed stretches, and you embrace the cutoff time.

And the best way that I do that, like right now, how I'm filming my podcast episodes, and I know that at 7pm I'm going to the gym today, so that is my cutoff time. And I know once I go to the gym, I have to take a.

Shower, then I have to eat dinner, and then it's time to get ready for bed.

So that time boxing helps me get everything I need done in my set amount of time. We've talked about this before. You can also call it, like, time blocking and all of these types of.

Things, but it's something that I've used, and it works very well because it's.

Easier for me to stay laser focused on one thing for, like, an hour.

Versus all day, because you can really only.

I know there is science behind it, but I didn't look up the actual statistics.

But you can only get about four hours of deep work done a day.

Anything outside of that, you are working on half power, 25% power, all of those things. So I think time blocking and time boxing is super important.

Another way you can help yourself get out of the perfectionism. Paralyzation is by gentle deadlines. Deadlines that motivate you without crushing your creativity.

I will say gentle deadlines don't really.

Work for me because I am also a procrastinator.

But on the flip side of that.

Harsh deadlines may also work for you. And this is when I've created some of my best work.

I know, like, with content creation, I.

Do a lot of brand deals. I get sponsorships and stuff. And sometimes they are quick turnaround.

Sometimes they're like, hey, we need this in 48 hours. That means I have to creatively ideate, film, edit, and turn something in in 48 hours.

And that has been some of my best work. I did a partnership with this Tequila.

Brand, and they were like, hey, we want to post this from National Margarita Day, but we only got three days. And I was like, you know what? Stay less. So I said, you know what? This is what I'm gonna do. I've always wanted to do, like a little train situation. So I bought a train really quick on Amazon, overnighted it, and we filmed.

The video the next day. And that video did so well for a partnership.

And I was like, somet harsh deadlines is when I thrive the best. I'm not saying in every situation, I.

Think it's good to mix the harsh deadlines with the gentle deadlines. Now, you can also separate your creation from editing. So create it first and then polish it later. And don't let perfection stop the progress.

Something that I had to get out.

Of was editing myself as I am doing the thing.

Whether that's talking, especially on my podcast. A lot of times I would edit.

Myself as I'm talking or even in video creation. And what that does is it limits your creativity. It teaches you, okay, from inception, I need to make sure that I don't do X, Y and Z. But that could be the very thing that catapults you to where you're trying to go, right? You could also share your ideas a little early. You can share them with family, friends, loved ones and get a little bit of feedback on the things that you are doing to get their reactions before.

Everything is perfect, just to gain perspective.

Or on the flip side of that, don't share it at all. Y', all.

It really depends on the type of person you are. So definitely take that into consideration when.

You are thinking about all of these tactics.

So I am a don't share at all type of person, because if I.

Share with people, I have been in.

The past, I have taken all of their stuff into consideration and it has paralyzed me.

But the don't share at all. I am forced to make a decision.

And say, okay, we just gonna put it out.

If you are stuck in the phase where everybody else's opinion matters more than than yours does, then don't share.

Just put it out.

The thing is done is better than perfect because it moves you forward, it builds your confidence, and it lets the next level of creativity show up. So embrace the messy middle.

I think a lot of us are.

Living in that messy middle area because that's where the growth and the learning and the ideas collide. Because progress is not flawless and it never has been. It's messy, it's loud, it's a little scary, but that's exactly how it should feel. Okay y', all, picture this.

[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

Okay, so boom.

[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

And y', all, I got mine and.

[Host/Advertiser]

Baby, I'm keeping it front and center. Okay, now it officially goes on sale on October 28, 2025, so this is your sign to add it to your fall reading list right now. So if you've been wanting to mix up your reading routine and dive into a new genre that feels really rich and romantic, do not sleep on this book. Especially with the series getting a stunning new set of covers with limited edition.

[Tyra]

Sprayed edges and character art.

[Host/Advertiser]

His Grace the Duke is on sale October 28th and is available for pre order and purchase wherever books are sold. Okay, can I let y' all in on a little secret that you probably already know? I love giving a good gift and honestly it is for selfish reasons. But it's because I get excited when.

[Tyra]

I find a gift that feels super.

[Host/Advertiser]

Personal and perfect for the person that.

[Tyra]

I'm giving it to.

[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

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[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

My tracks this time, y', all, as.

[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

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[Host/Advertiser]

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[Tyra]

So.

[Host/Advertiser]

Let me ask you guys a couple of serious questions. Do your joints feel older than you? And do you really know what's going on inside of your body? Yeah, me either, y'.

[Tyra]

All.

[Host/Advertiser]

Now y' all know whenever I go home to Louisiana, family time is everything to me. When we're all together, I'm always so grateful for that quality time. It always reminds me to take care of myself so that I can keep making memories with the people I love for years to come. And I'm ready to get even more serious about that. So I just learned about True Diagnostic and their True Age plus True Health test, y'.

[Tyra]

All.

[Host/Advertiser]

This ain't nothing like a grade school test, okay? But the more research I do on it, the more I'm interested. Did you know that a single painless finger prick at home can lead you to over 180 personalized insights into your health and how you're aging? On one hand, True Health runs tests to look over 100 biomarkers, which is stuff like your vitamin levels and nutrient balance, your immune system and even stuff like gut and cognitive health. On the other hand, true age goes even deeper, y'.

[Tyra]

All.

[Host/Advertiser]

Their test shows your biological age, which.

[Tyra]

Is the pace of your aging.

[Host/Advertiser]

And it shows how important organs and systems like your heart, your brain, your liver, and your immune system are aging. Which means I'm 30 years old and my biological age could be more than 30, or it can even be less than 30 years old. And this test will help to show me where I'm at. So this is a full snapshot of how your body's really doing on the inside. And with an easy to read report and personalized recommendations, I honestly feel like this is a tool that can help me actually stay on top of my health and put energy into the right habits where I'm not just guessing all the time. So if you want to dig a little deeper, and if you're serious about living healthier and longer, visit truediagnostic.com and use my code affirmations for 20% off your entire order or subscription. That's true diagnostic.com code affirmations for 20% off YOUR future self will. Thank you.

[Tyra]

So there's been this trend on TikTok.

Right now where people are starting to.

Post their drafts, which are the messy, unedited videos that they never thought would.

See the light of day. Kind of like a first draft, second draft, those types of things.

And here's what's wild about it. People are loving them.

Why?

Because they are relatable. They're funny and inspiring. Because the magic is not imperfection and it never has been. It's in showing the process.

And that's exactly what learning out loud.

Is, is letting people witness your growth, your trial and error. And you're figuring it out as you go. Moments when you let yourself be messy in public, you're doing more than just posting a video or sharing a project. You are re normalizing the idea that progress doesn't have to be polished and mastery comes from practice, not perfection. You are telling your world and reminding yourself that you don't need to have.

It all figured out.

Now, do not get me wrong. Trying things publicly can be scary and.

I'll be shaking in my boots. But it's also very liberating, y'.

All, when we hide those messy drafts, our not ready selves, that's exactly what keeps us stuck. And a fear of failure is usually tied to shame and not actual skill.

We always. I think that's. That's a big thing.

Fear of failure is so big in.

This day and age, especially since we're so hyper connected, because everybody has. Everything is on front street.

Everything is so easily accessible.

So a lot of times we aim for perfectionism because we don't want to fail.

And again, that's tied to shame and not our actual skill. We start to worry about what people will think instead of focusing on what it is we're actually learning.

And one area of my life where.

I wish I would have. I don't even know, said no to that fear of failure was dating more.

In high school and college because I was so prideful.

[Host/Advertiser]

And.

[Tyra]

Well, let me start here. In high school, I dated this guy.

And we're kids at this time, but I dated him all the way to my.

Through my sophomore year of college. So that's six years of my life. I was dating this man that I knew I didn't want to be with. Right. But I was prideful, and I didn't.

Want people to see that my adolescent relationship that I knew wasn't good for me was failing.

I was like. I would literally say, I don't want to fail. I don't want to be a failure.

But here's the thing. Vulnerability builds community and connection. So when someone sees you start messy, they feel safe to do the same.

And I want to. I actually, I think that's why my podcast works so well. Because even though I talk about a lot of things that I've dealt with.

In the past, I take you through.

Those experiences, I show you the messy, I give you the four.

One, one on what it was and.

How I got through it.

And I think that's what makes this podcast so relatable.

So I wish I would have dated.

More in college because the sole reason I didn't date more in college was.

Because in high school was because I didn't want. I was like, that relationship gotta last.

Till when?

I don't know.

Because I knew I didn't want to marry that man, but I wish I.

Would have said to myself, or somebody.

Would have said to me, hey, Tyra, there's more to life than this little.

Relationship that you started in ninth grade. Go ahead and try other things out. And, well, there. There was actually one person who did say that to me, and I did.

Not listen to her. And I wish I would have listened to her.

She was the first lady of the church I grew up going to. And she was like, this is not for you. In a few words, that's what she said.

So I should have listened.

I didn't. And I got hurt along the way, and I have scars from that relationship.

But hey, you live and you learn. I think public progress teaches resilience and you can practice handling judgment and criticism and unexpected outcomes while still moving forward.

[Host/Advertiser]

Right?

[Tyra]

So I got to that relationship was on Front street and I everybody saw all my mistakes and all of our fights and all, all of the things, right? But after that relationship, I learned so much about myself.

And mistakes aren't the end, y'.

All.

They're a part of the curriculum of life. Each misstep is a lesson you can take into the next season of your life.

So to give you some other examples of learning out loud, it can be.

Posting a work in progress project or an idea, or sharing a new skill that you're trying on social media.

I've been doing that and people love it. It's so crazy.

Or admitting that you don't have it.

All figured out in a conversation or.

In a live setting. I think there is so much freedom in trying things publicly and it also takes a lot of audacity. The more you show up for yourself to start messy in public and in private, the more free your creativity and your confidence and your next level growth will be. And I've used a lot of examples.

As it relates to social media.

But I do believe there is a such thing as over sharing on the.

Internet and we live in a time where people is doing that a little bit too much and everything isn't meant.

To be shared publicly to that extent. I do know that there is a balance between learning out loud and over sharing. Some ideas, some experiments or early drafts are meant to stay close to your.

Heart in your private space until they are ready.

Because prematurely sharing ideas can invite unnecessary judgment, pressure, stress or comparison before you've had a chance to refine them without that external opinion. So keeping these earlier versions, thoughts, whatever private meaning within your personal circle or.

People you love, or even just within yourself, depending on how you roll, is.

Where that reflection and that iteration and real growth will start to happen. It is absolutely bonkers how we constantly ask successful people how they got started, but we only ask them after they have already made it. And you know what they almost always say, I just kept showing up.

I failed a lot.

I shot in the gym.

I tried over and over until it worked.

I had the audacity to go for what I wanted. And that's the truth. Because growth happens in that mess, not just in the highlight reel that we're used to seeing on social media these days. Again, we live in a world that's hyper connected, where everyone's success looks instant and it looks effortless on social media.

And it's easy to get caught up.

To compare, to feel like your messy beginnings are not enough.

But here's the thing.

Perfectionism is fear. Perfectionism is procrastination. It's the lie that says you can't start until you're ready and you can't.

Move until it's already perfect.

And the turning point for me with.

My journey with perfectionism is when people.

Started asking me how I got to where I am with my podcast, with.

My YouTube channel and all of these things.

And what I would say to them is, just start. Don't worry about the camera. Don't worry about the equipment. Just figure out what it is you have to say and say it.

And when I was saying that to the 10, 15 people that were asking me this, I was like, wait, now this is the pot calling the kettle black.

Because, Tyra, you still have those perfectionism tendencies.

And, girl, we need to work on that.

So that's what definitely helped me get out of that cycle of only doing things when it was perfect.

And I also think about Tyler Perry.

And his rise to fame. His first big play, if you didn't know, I know I've been changed.

It came out in 1992 and it flopped.

Only about 30 people showed up. And he was broke. He was living in his car.

He was rewriting the show multiple times.

And now fast forward 20, 25, he owns his own empire. All because he didn't wait for perfection. He kept pushing through. And he was audacious. Big audacious. That obsession with getting it right the first time is holding you back. It steals your growth, your creativity, your uniqueness. And perfectionism is not protection. It's fear dressed up as a lot of different things. Productivity, ambition, discipline. Done is better than perfect. And there's freedom in learning out loud. Sharing your messy work invites connection. It builds community. It shows others that it's okay to start before it's all tied up with a bow.

It also says, hey, we working on the same thing.

Let's go ahead and do it together. So, baby, here's your reminder. You don't need to get it right. You just need to start. Be bold. The only wrong move is not moving at all. Every version of you that's tried, that stumbled and started again is proof that you are stronger and softer and more capable. Every misstep, every draft, every oops is evidence of your progress. And again, the only wrong move is not moving at all. So start messy.

Embrace the process and trust yourself enough.

To grow through it, because I truly believe that that is where the magic lives. Now, y' all already know that I.

[Host/Advertiser]

Have been in my cozy hobby era. It's just the time of year that.

[Tyra]

Makes you want to slow down, light.

[Host/Advertiser]

A candle, and actually learn something new again, right? But between the podcast, my work, and trying to stay social, I wanted a.

[Tyra]

Way to grow that still feels fun and relaxing. So the other night, I was watching.

[Host/Advertiser]

A masterclass, and let me tell you, by the end of it, I was taking notes like I was back in school. But it doesn't feel like school. It's just real people who've mastered their craft showing you exactly how they do it. With masterclass, you get to learn from the best to become your best. With plans starting at just $10 a month billed annually, you get unlimited access to over 200 classes taught by the world's best business leaders, writers, chefs, and more. Memberships include downloadable bonus class guides. We love a good guide and a good workbook and content to help you.

[Tyra]

Make the most of your learning experience.

[Host/Advertiser]

Lately, I've been really leaning into the cooking ones to get ready for the holidays. And it's honestly been so peaceful to.

[Tyra]

Put something educational on while I cook.

[Host/Advertiser]

Or while I wind down. You learn something new, and it kind of feels like self care time. So right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual [e-mail] affirmations. That's 15% [e-mail] affirmations masterclass.com affirmations.

[Tyra]

Uh oh, y', all, you know what time it is? It is time for our fun closing segment. And today's fun closing segment, y', all, is solo Dolo. Oh. So this is a segment where I give you guys a little update on my dating life. Okay?

So I don't know.

I guess I have a couple of things that I can say. The first thing that I will say. Should I say this. I probably shouldn't say this.

I'm gonna say it anyway. Jesus.

See, y' all be having me saying real deal stuff on this podcast anyways, so Solo Dolo. I am still single.

Whoop dee doo.

But there is this guy that I kind of really like. But that's all we're gonna say about him. We're gonna leave that alone. We gonna leave that alone. There is this guy. I'll tell y' all more about him if anything comes of it.

But in other news, more recently, the.

[Host/Advertiser]

Okay, yeah, I know y'.

[Tyra]

All, like, girl, why you told us that's it. Okay, so this guy does not live in California, as you guys know. I live in California.

So it would be a long distance.

Type of situation, and I don't really know how that's going to work for. For us. I don't know. I don't have any. I don't have any updates there.

[Host/Advertiser]

I'll keep you.

[Tyra]

I'll keep you in the loop, though.

I should. I should, you know, ask a couple of questions, get a little more clarity on that.

But it's new and it's fun, and it feels good.

That's all. I enjoy talking to him, so we're gonna leave that alone. In other news, in my dating life.

Y', all, I went on a date.

When did I go on a date? I went on a date. Was that a week ago, two weeks ago? I don't know. Something like that. It's been pretty recent. And I met this guy on Hinge. And here's the one thing that I will say about this date. I had a good time, and we went to an arcade, because y' all already know I love a good game. So we went to an arcade, and it was honestly a good time. I think our personalities are pretty similar. And I was actually shocked because I was, like, in my head while I was on the date, I was like, oh, my gosh. I've never met a guy that acts like me. Like, this is fun.

Like this.

I had a lot of fun at the beginning of the date.

Fast forward to the end of the date, y'.

All. Can I be transparent? Can I just be. Can I just speak plainly to y'? All?

I don't like broke. I said it.

And I'm not saying that this man was broke, but after we finished playing games, he started saying that he was broke.

And I thought it was the weirdest thing.

I was like, you broke? Well, first of all, in my head, I'm like, this is the first date. Why did this boy just say that he's broke? Jokingly, like this. And I. I immediately met it with, like, hesitation because I was like, oh, I don't want to even get into those types of conversations. It's the first date. What's going on? So this is how it happened. We finished playing games. We were sitting down, having a drink and talking, and he was just like, just so you know, I'm broke, okay? So I was taken aback when he said that. And I was like, okay, well, I.

Don'T need you for your money.

And I tried to, like, laugh it off, and he just said, I'm just playing. I just playing.

I just playing.

And I was like, okay. And I left it at that.

At this date, y', all, we were.

There for probably, like four hours total. He brought it up four times. And so the first time he said it, I kind of just shrugged off. I was like, okay, that was a bad joke, whatever. But he ended up saying it, like.

Four times in various ways. And I thought it was the weirdest thing.

I was like, okay, I really do not care if you broke. Why do you keep saying that? So what I said to him was, well, I don't mess with broke, so let's not talk about that. That's what I said to him.

And that should have deaded it in the water there. But he constantly. He continued to bring it up.

So long story short, fast forward, he.

Ends up walking me home. Of course, he didn't know where I live. So he ended up walking me home.

Because we were kind of close to where I live. And when we. When he walked me to my building, he was like, oh, you live here? And I was like, yeah. He was like, oh, I need to.

Come and wash your clothes.

And just saying stuff like that. Like, I had a lot of money type of thing. And it was the biggest turn off I have ever experienced. And I was like, okay. And I was like, what did I say to him? I was like, please stop. Let's not do that. Because I could. Like, there was nothing else for me to say. And I was like, we just had a really good day. Stop. So he was like, I'm just playing. Once again, he was like, I'm just playing. So I go home, going to my apartment, all this stuff. And he facetimes me the next day, y', all, I'm getting ready to go.

To bed at this point.

And I get into bed, and how did he even say it? So I'm in the bed. Oh, this is what happened. So I'm in the bed, right?

And he was like.

How did he say this? I don't know what we were talking about, but he. He just said, yeah, because I'm broke again. Like, it, y'. All. And it may sound weird, but this is literally how forced and weird and out of place these sentences were.

And I' ma be clear.

I don't. I really don't think he was broke.

It was giving.

I'm trying to test you.

Like, it was a weird test type of thing.

So I was like.

When he said it again while we.

Were on the phone, I was like, didn't you just say that? You were reading the Bible from front to back? Because he had told me he was reading Bible from the back. And he was like, yeah. And I was like, well, don't you believe that the power of life and death is in the tongue? And he was like, no, I don't believe that. And I was like. And I said that because he kept saying that he was broke, and I didn't. Even if he is broke or whatever the case may be, I was like, let's not talk about that. And I gave him multiple chances not to talk about that. So that was a huge turn off. And I was like, okay. By that point, I was like, I don't know if I want to go on a second date with him. Because we kind of set up a second date before the first date was over. And I was already 50.

50 at this point.

Fast forward to the next day, because all of this happened over the course of three days. Fast forward to the next day, y'. All. This man, I'm on my way to pick up my friend because we were going to, like, a Japan festival. So he calls me and we're FaceTiming for a second, and it's the weirdest thing, y'.

All.

So we're FaceTime. Everything is, you know, cool. I don't know where he starts talking about his dog.

He has a dog.

And he was just like, oh, yeah, I don't know what it is, but.

My dog only likes black women.

And after he said that, I was like, that's actually not that weird. My dog, because you guys know Lexi, but she passed away. I was like, when I had my.

Dog, she really only liked black men.

And before I could finish my sentence.

He interjected, and he said, you mean broke black men.

And I was like. I was driving, and we were FaceTiming. And I was just like, what? Because I honestly didn't think I heard him correctly. And when I said, what? He was like, you mean broke black men?

And I was like.

And he could see my face. And I was like, what are you talking about?

And he was like, your dog likes broke black men.

He said it three times, y'. All.

And I was like, okay, I don't.

Know what you talking about or where that came from, but I was just trying to say that my dog's favorite person was my daddy. And I didn't say anything else after that. And he did it again. He was like, I'm just playing.

[Host/Advertiser]

I'm just playing.

[Tyra]

I don't understand what's wrong with that, man. I really don't. But that was the final straw for me. That's when I said, yeah, we're not doing this. So I got off the phone with him, and he texted me later and was like, hey, can we FaceTime?

I didn't respond.

And one thing that I am trying to work on, and I did tell him this on the first date, I'm not ghosting you, so if I don't want to talk to you, I'm going to tell you. Whatever.

So the next day, he texted me.

Like, to follow up on our date or whatever, that he had not reset up, by the way, didn't know where we were going, nothing like that. And I was like, I can't go on another date with this man. I just know that I cannot do it. So I was like, I don't want to go on another day with you. And all I said to him, I was very, you know, nice and cordial. I was like, I don't. After our last conversation, I made sure that I say said after our last conversation. I don't think we're on the same page now. You can take that however you want. What I should have said was, first of all, you weird, because why you kept saying you was broke even after I told you, one, I don't care.

About how much money you make, and.

Two, you were just bringing it up out of nowhere.

It was the weirdest thing, y'.

All. So I told him that, and he just liked the message. And we have not talked since. But I'm proud of myself because old.

Tyra would have just ghosted him or.

Still went on a date because I said I would go on a date. But I was like, yeah, no, I don't. I don't really want to do that. I don't really want to do that.

But anyways, that's it.

That's the only update. I was talking to, like, a couple of other guys through Hinge, but those kind of fizzled out. The one guy that I was just talking to, like, literally a couple days ago, this is two days worth of.

Being in communication, y'. All. I saw him at Home Goods.

I saw him in them People stove, and I was like, oh, my gosh. I didn't speak to him. He was working. He was. He was a cashier at the Home Goods, And I was like, no, that's not that guy. So he was texting me on Hinge, and we were having, you know, an okay conversation or whatever. It was new.

It was brand new.

So I was standing in line, and the line was kind of Long. And I was. I looked and I was like, that.

Looks like the guy from Hinge.

And I was like, let me send him another message, because this doesn't make any sense, because he was messaging me back pretty. Like, quickly, that man picks his phone up and he starts the type of message that was that guy. So, long story short, I was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

[Host/Advertiser]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tyra]

Oh, my gosh.

[Alli Jackson]

My gosh.

[Tyra]

And I get to the front of.

The line, and some. Another cashier calls my name.

But I look over at him, and he kind of did, like, a double take. And I was like. And then I saw his name tag, and it was. It was the correct name. I was like, I knew that was him. I knew that was him. And that's the Home Goods that I always go to. So I'm bound to see this guy in the Home Goods again. But, I mean, our conversation. We'll see where the conversation goes, because I really don't. It doesn't matter. I would love to work at Home Goods. Think it's a game. I might ask him to use his discount. Okay, I don't care about anything like that. But I was like, oh, my gosh. This. This is the guy that I just matched with on Hinge. How crazy is that?

So, yeah, y', all, that's an update.

On my dating life.

It's really. It's really nothing more than that.

So I just. I'm just gonna keep pushing. I'm just gonna keep praying that God brings me my future husband, whoever he may be. Who knows, may have met him already, may have not. But, yeah, that's all I really got for you guys today. Thank you guys so much for listening. I really hope you enjoyed this episode. If you are watching on our YouTube channel, make sure you hit that big red subscribe button down below and make sure your notifications are. You can get all of the alerts anytime we post any new episodes and.

Give this video a like.

And if you are listening on your favorite listening platform. Thank you. Make sure you rate the podcast and leave us a review.

They help out so, so, so, so, so much.

And again, I will see you guys in the next episode.

This is affirmations for.

[Host/Advertiser]

That'S love.

[Alli Jackson]

If you're a podcast host, listen up. This one's for you. My name is Alli Jackson. I'm the host of Finding Mr. Height, a dating and relationship podcast that I've been doing for four years now, sharing my positive and practical approach to dating that's built on my own life experience and I wanted to share another experience that I've had. My secret behind monetizing my show. It's called Red Circle and I was just telling my colleague about how much I love their platform. With Red Circle, not only am I getting a seamless hosting experience, but I also love the support I receive in ad sales. It's not just typical ad sales either. It's targeted opportunities based on my show and my life. And the platform is super simple. You just set your preferences and Red Circle matches you with sponsors that align with your show. You can vet every opportunity and their platform gives you great analytics. More recently too, my Red Circle team has brought me opportunities outside of my podcast on social media to really augment the podcast partnerships. Bring them full circle. I just can't recommend them enough. If you want to give it a try, go to redcircle.com to get your free trial. That's redcircle.com for a free trial.