Episode 440 | Insecurities Don’t Define You: The Beauty of Being Seen & Learning to Love the Parts of Me I Once Hated

Podcast: Affirmations for Black Girls
Host: Tyra The Creative
Date: November 17, 2025

Episode Overview

This powerful episode of Affirmations for Black Girls finds Tyra The Creative diving into the complex world of insecurities—what they mean, how they shape us, and, most importantly, how they can be the starting point to healing and deep self-love. Tyra gives an honest, vulnerable account of her own struggles with skin tone, body image, and other personal insecurities, while offering listeners practical strategies and affirmations for embracing every part of their identity. Amplified by her own story and the transformative impact of cultural moments like Beyoncé’s “Brown Skin Girl,” Tyra shows that feeling seen and celebrated—especially as a Black woman—starts from within, and that no insecurity ever defines our true worth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Growing Up With Insecurities

• Personal Story: Tyra recounts her core insecurity growing up—her dark skin—and details the deep wounds inflicted by colorism in the early 2000s South.
• Memorable Moment [06:50]:

  “Back in the early 2000s, being darker skinned and growing up in the South was basically a guaranteed way to get called names like black or tar baby ... I carried that with me for years, feeling like I wasn’t enough, like I would never, ever measure up.”

• She explains how early insecurities evolve and “start speaking in different voices in your head,” fostering self-doubt and anxiety ([07:30]).

Reframing Insecurity: From Obstacle to Invitation

• Main Question [08:40]:

  “What if every insecurity was actually an invitation to heal that part of you?”

• Tyra reframes insecurities as invitations for self-compassion and healing, noting how our perceived flaws often make us “human, relatable and real, raw and regular.”
• She emphasizes the value of seeing insecurities “as opportunities instead of obstacles,” leading to “true confidence, self love, and joy” ([09:10]).

Affirmation of the Week

• Affirmation Segment [09:20–11:00]:

  “I am worthy of being seen and celebrated exactly as I am.”

• Tyra encourages listeners to repeat and reflect on this affirmation, emphasizing that being seen is “not about perfection…but about showing up fully with all your quirks, scars, and stories.”

The Many Faces of Insecurity

• Insecurity can manifest loudly or quietly; sometimes it’s obvious, other times it hides as avoidance or overcompensation ([12:30]).
• Tyra breaks down sources of insecurity:
  • Skin Tone: Colorism, lack of representation in beauty products, societal standards ([13:15]).
  • Body & Weight: Comments from family, striving for a “right” shape ([14:45]).
  • Nicknames/Names: Shame from teasing or feeling disconnected from one's identity ([15:20]).
  • Personality: Feeling too much or not enough in social settings ([15:55]).
• Tyra highlights how she faced nearly all of these as a young Black girl in the South.

Healing Practices and Helpful Tools

• Mirror Exercise [19:17]:
  Tyra describes an empowering mirror practice from the mJoy app:

  “They will tell you to get naked and stand in front of the mirror and only talk about the things you love about yourself.”
  She credits this with rewiring her brain to focus on positives.

• Science and Neuroscience Context [23:00]:
  Tyra explains that insecurity isn’t a personal failing—it's a built-in brain response to social threats:

  • Amygdala: Triggers fear when perceiving social rejection.
  • Prefrontal Cortex: Can be overwhelmed by insecurity.
  • Dopamine Pathways: Seek social approval for temporary relief.

  “Understanding that your brain is wired to respond this way normalizes your experience and helps you know that it’s biology and not a personal flaw.” ([26:30])

• Mindset Shifts and Techniques:

  • Mindfulness and CBT practices (journaling, reframing negative self-talk).
  • Exposure and small, brave actions for retraining thought patterns ([28:00]).
  • Dopamine Menu: Curate a list of joyful activities (like perfume browsing or dancing) that make you feel good, reinforcing positive self-connection ([36:40]).

Healing Through Loving the Parts Once Hated

• Transformative Relationship Story [32:20]:
  Tyra shares a pivotal moment: an ex’s criticism (“dressed too manly”) led her—through therapy conversations and self-reflection—to reclaim her personal style, rediscover perfumes, and invest in self-care she had denied herself ([35:05]).

  “Go ahead and do it. … I ended up saying, okay Tyra, we’re about to go to Sephora and sniff a bunch of perfumes. … Now I’m a perfume girl. … My collection is extensive.”

• Learning to Take Compliments [43:10]: Tyra admits to still battling self-consciousness around her smile but practices accepting praise:

  “Every compliment you accept is a small act of self-validation.”
  She urges listeners to let kind words land instead of immediately deflecting or minimizing.

Steps to Rewiring Self-Perception

• Name and acknowledge your insecurities honestly ([47:05]).
• Notice where you might seek external validation and intentionally practice internal validation—own your worth, even when others don’t recognize it yet ([48:30]).
• Celebrate your quirks, passions, and progress in ways big and small.
• Document your growth (journaling, voice memos, creative projects) to see how far you’ve come ([49:30]).
• Lean on support networks: Mentorships, empowerment communities, and safe spaces.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Colorism and Representation [55:10]:

  "When I think back to Brown Skin Girl ... that song wasn’t just a bop. It was a moment of deep healing for me. ... Representation matters. Growing up, I rarely saw myself celebrated in mainstream media."

• Communal Joy & Self-Acceptance [56:05]:

  "That validation hits ... it was joy, nostalgia, and relief all rolled up into one moment. And that’s what being seen can feel like—you’re not your insecurities. You are the courage it takes to face them."

• On Progress and Self-Love [58:40]:

  “Celebrate the parts of yourself that you once rejected. Your skin, your body, your smile, your quirks, your energy. Because that's where confidence and self-love and joy truly live.”

Practical Takeaways & Exercises

• Mirror Affirmations: Stand before the mirror and focus only on what you love about your body.
• Create a Dopamine Menu: Make a list of small, joyful activities (e.g., discovering new scents, making your favorite coffee, celebrating an outfit) to shift focus from insecurity to self-appreciation.
• Daily Journaling: List one thing you genuinely love about yourself each day to retrain your brain.
• Accept Compliments: Practice saying “thank you” and letting the affirmation land.
• Seek Community: Engage with groups or communities focused on Black women’s empowerment.

Recommendation of the Day [59:20]:

Tyra shares her recent self-care and beauty favorites—products that celebrate her skin and scent and inspire her self-love:

• Sol de Janeiro Cheirosa 62 Perfume:

  “Men can’t keep their hands off me when I wear this—I'm not even gonna lie!”

• Kayali Eden Sparkling Lychee Perfume
• Danessa Myricks Yummy Skin Tint (Shade 14 & 15)
• Pat McGrath Labs Electric Bloom Glow Blush

Final Encouragements

Tyra urges listeners to:

• Give themselves permission to be seen, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
• Celebrate the journey, not just the destination—growth is about progress, not perfection.
• Remember: You are enough just as you are.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [06:50] – Tyra shares personal colorism experiences
• [08:40] – The idea of insecurity as invitations for healing
• [09:20] – Affirmation of the week
• [19:17] – Positive mirror exercise from mJoy app
• [23:00] – Neuroscience of insecurity
• [32:20] – Style and identity: reclaiming self-expression
• [36:40] – Dopamine menu and other self-soothing strategies
• [43:10] – Accepting compliments
• [55:10] – “Brown Skin Girl” and the importance of representation
• [59:20] – Recommendation of the Day: self-care and beauty favorites

Tyra closes with her signature warmth and humor, inviting listeners to embrace both their challenges and their beauty as essential, celebrated parts of their story.

“We are living in a time now where we’re gonna do the thing, we’re going to love on ourselves, and we’re going to give ourselves the things that we desire. … Confidence is built in tiny, intentional moments.”

For more resources, product links, or to share feedback on this topic, check out the show notes or email Tyra directly.