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Learn more@guardyourcard.com afbg Rewind Life is full of twists and turns and ups and downs. But there is one thing that remains constant and that is change or growth. Lately, y'all, I have been feeling all of the things. Overwhelmed, overstimulated, inadequate, behind, worried, doubtful, scared of what's to come. But one thing that always helps me when I'm feeling this way is to slow down, reflect and feel what is going on. Beautiful people, you are listening to the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast where we focus on personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves. I am your host, Tyra the creative actress, content creator and mental health enthusiast. And you guys, today's episode is to be a little different. I feel like I'll be saying that now, but I guess the podcast is just changing, growing. So let me know if you guys like these types of types of episodes. But today's episode, like I said in the intro, I'VE been feeling very overstimulated, overwhelmed, just thinking about all the things, worried, doubtful, everything. And something that really helps me is to slow down and reflect and just pull all of that stuff, that mind, clutter those feelings out of me, out of my heart, out of my brain, and put them on paper or just express. I was looking on Instagram today. I was on Instagram today, and I saw a quote that said something like, holding in all of that stuff is heavy, so let it out so you can feel lighter now. That's not exactly how I was. It didn't really sound too sexy how I just said it, but it rings true when you hold in all of the things, whether it's fear, doubt, sadness, worry, whatever. These heavier emotions, they weigh you down, and they are literally sitting on your shoulders. And the best way to get through them and to start healing from those emotions, experiences, whatever you're. You're going through is to let it out, is to reflect. So today's episode is just going to be that I didn't write any notes down. I don't have anything planned. I'm just about to let God do his thing up in here. But before we jump into the episode, let's start off with our affirmation of the week. This week's affirmation is I am okay. Let's drop in, y'all. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. What does that mean to you? What does it mean to be okay? Really visualize it in your mind. I am okay. And let's say it one last time together. I am okay. Oh, you guys. Now, the reason I chose this affirmation is because, like I said already, twice now, I have been feeling just, y'all, everything. So if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, then, you know, I'm in my late 20s, and a lot of people around me are in stages of their life that I expected myself to already be in as well. And I kind of expected my career to be in a different place than it is right now and, you know, all of the things. But I've been feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated from all of the social media and things going on and all the projects that I have going on, and it just really started to get to me. So I chose this affirmation because this is. And I talked about this in a previous episode, but this is something that I say to my inner child when I am feeling childlike, I am feeling sad. I Am feeling, you know, like I need to be comforted. This is something that I say to myself in the mirror. And even though it's just okay sometimes that's all you can muster, I am okay. This is very important to me when I'm feeling in over my head and I just don't know where to go next or I'm just feeling very distraught. So that's why I chose this affirmation of the week. And we are going to just have a little chit chat, you guys. So let's jump into the episode foreign. So you guys already know that I absolutely love. We're not really strangers and y'all know that I have multiple packs. So today I have two of my packs here with me. I have the Self Reflection edition and I also have the Breakup Edition. And we're gonna answer a few of these to together based on where I am in life right now. I know the last time we did the breakup edition, it was for a previous relationship that when I was answering these questions, I had been out of for over a year, year and a half, two years, I don't even know a while. So now that I, you know, had a breakup at the end of last year, I'm pretty sure my answers will change a little bit or there's something else that I can pull out of myself. And then on the other side we have the Self Reflection edition which we've been doing questions out these. So make sure you grab your journals and write down these questions and answer them yourself. And as always, I love receiving emails from you guys. So if you would like to share some of your thoughts or your answers to any of these questions that we're going to dive into today, send me an email at Affirmations for black girls gmail.com that is the only email for the podcast, so make sure you send them there. Now the self reflection ones are all about self awareness and you may be like Tyra, okay, you said you was feeling all these things. Why is this what you want to do? I have been feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated. But one thing that I have to constantly work on, like flex the muscle of is reflecting and getting those emotions out of me. So when I'm in a place where I'm just feeling all of the things and I can't figure out how to really express and get, get whatever gunk is going on inside of me out, I like to pull out these cards because it is definitely a conversation started with myself and it gives me some prompts that I can go off of to just help me get into a better mind space and really dive deeper into what's going on in my brain and what. What I want out of life. All the things y'all. So I don't even know how many we're going to answer. I'm opening up the Breakup Edition Net one right now, and we're just going to pick a couple of cards. Actually, I'm going to open them both up, and we're going to pick a couple of cards, and we're just going to go back and forth, and I'm just going to make sure that I'm being transparent. If at any time you feel like you need to pause the episode to write down the questions or answer the questions, do that. You can do it along with me. Like, if I read the question and you write down your answer, and then you hear mine. Whatever you want to do. Okay, Breakup Edition. Let me shuffle these a little bit. Jesus. Oh, I'm nervous, y'all. I haven't done these breakup cards in a while. Okay, first breakup card. Oh, wow. Okay. The question is, how has your last relationship prepared you for your next one? Oh, my gosh. I would say right off the top of my head, the biggest thing that my last relationship prepared me for or helped me prepare for my next one, which I'm not nowhere near, is. How can I say this? Like, the ability to be myself. And the ability. Now let me say it a different way. It's prepared me by teaching me that no matter what goes on in the relationship, I have to love myself enough to move accordingly to just that. In my last relationship, there were a few things that I did that were not actions of someone who loves themselves. And there were times where I didn't put myself first in. In a bad way, and I don't want to do that in the future. And it's not something that I necessarily knew I was doing in my last relationship, and it's not something that he, you know, made me do or anything like that. But in my next relationship, I really want to make sure that I'm loving myself through it all. And I'm giving from the overflow of my cup because I kind of started to mesh myself together with my last partner, and it just wasn't time for that. We were only together for about eight months. So next time, I want to make sure that everything I do, it still shows that I love me unconditionally. Okay, Breakup card number two. Hmm. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Well, I'm gonna answer it. How did you get over your first love, now this card. And I've had this conversation a few times with, you know, men that I'm. I'm dating and, you know, friends, everything. But I don't know who I should consider my first love. So y'all listen to this and y'all let me know what y'all think. So my first boyfriend was in high school, and I used to say, I love him. But how you know you love somebody when you're in high school? Granted, that's all that I know. So maybe it was love for me at that point. And the love that I now consider love is something different than what I thought it was when I was in high school. With that being said, that's how. How I feel is I ain't love that boy, so I don't consider him my first love. I consider my next boyfriend, my college boyfriend, my first love. So. And I've talked about this in detail in the past, but it took me a very long time to get over, and I don't even like saying get over, but to heal and finish grieving that relationship, because you couldn't tell me that I wasn't gonna marry that man. You couldn't tell me that. So when I finally said, enough is enough, Tyra, it's time to let go. That was recently, y'all. That was like in 20. 20, 2019, somewhere up in there, like before, like right at the beginning of the pandemic or right before the pandemic started, and I was just like, tyra, I started to do some reflecting. This is, you know, in my beginning stages of going to therapy and all of that. And I was like, tyra, you're holding on to this guy and you should not still feel the things that you're feeling for him in. In this way, right? So all I did was I wrote him a letter and I said all the things that I had to say. And I just said to myself, it's time to let it go. It's time to let go. It's time to say goodbye. And I basically just had like a. I don't. This sounds so extreme, like a ceremony for like. Or a send off of those feelings in that time in my life, because I'm no longer that person that was with that man. And I just had to close that door for myself and stop holding on to what was so I could make room for what was to come. Now I was doing this all while being in my. In the relationship with the boyfriend that I moved out to LA with. And I always thought that it was weird that I was still like basically in love with my ex, but I never really thought much of it because if I'm being honest, y'all, I just said I'm not going to marry this man, the man that I moved out to LA with. I never thought I was going to marry him and all of that. So I was really just in a very comfortable space. But I also knew that something was wrong with me still being so not head over heels, but so in love with my college ex boyfriend. But that's how I got over it. I wrote a letter. I literally just poured my heart out. I was vulnerable in that letter. I never sent that letter to him. I still have the letter. It's in my journal, one of my journals. But I really just took some time to get my mind right about letting go and making. Making room for new things and new experiences and new love and remembering that this experience once meant a lot to me and knowing that I don't have to forget about it, but it's time to move on past it. So sometimes I randomly feel a little off and I always wonder, is this stress? Am I not drinking enough water? Is this just what getting older feels like? Because I'm 30 now and I'll also be the first to admit that I'm curious about the role hormones play in how I feel day to day. But who really feels like shelling out extra coins to find and book an appointment with a specialist? But not knowing what's going on is just as stressful. So I have to start somewhere. So y'all. I recently learned about a free two minute quiz that can help you uncover the root of your hormonal symptoms. Made by Happy Mammoth. It's right there on their website and it's all pretty straightforward. I just answered a few questions about my symptoms, my habits and where I'm at in my life. And they offer a range of products designed to help women feel like themselves again. And with personalized recommendations from the quiz, you'll know exactly where to start. My results recommended that I give their hormone harmony a try. So I'm going see what it's hitting on. Are you ready to start feeling like yourself again? Head over to happy mammoth.com and take their free 2 minute hormone quiz today to find out the ultimate answer to your stubborn hormonal issues. And for a limited time, you can also get 15% off your entire first order with my Code Affirmations at checkout. That's happy mammoth.com and use the code affirmations for 15% off today. Okay, I'm nosy. So who was the person who first taught y'all about money? I'm sure most of us learned about dollars and cents around elementary school age. But at what point were we taught some real financial literacy? Was it high school? A random college course? Advice from your grandma that don't quite hold up these days? Hello. I know that I still learn a new lesson every once in a while from trial and error, but now more than ever is a good time to take control. And hey, everybody has to start somewhere. Okay? So it's perfect, okay, not to know everything yet. April is Financial Literacy Month. That's right. They made a whole month reminding you to finally take control of your money. And the good news is, you don't need 30 days. Acorns makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future in just five minutes. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You also don't need to be rich. Acorns let you get started with the spare money you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change. And as we get older, y'all, wanting to be smarter about your money is a good thing. Knowledge is something you can always fall back on in those moments in life where you don't feel in control of your money. So sign up now and join over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com affirmations or download the Acorns app to get started. Hey. 9 client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. You inform disclosures@acorns.com affirmations be honest. Have y'all ever tried taking a shot of straight apple cider vinegar first thing in the morning back when it was trendy? I did it once and y'all, I said never again. But I still wanted those same digestive benefits without burning my throat and hurting my stomach. The truth is, some wellness trends are harder to stick to than others. And taking shots of apple cider vinegar or swallowing giant multivitamins? No thank you. Ever since I first tried Goalie's Apple Cider Vinegar gummies, I look forward to taking my vitamins. Not only do they basically taste like candy, but they're packed with the things I need to feel my best. No mixing, no measuring, and absolutely no chalky peels. Y'all when I tell you they just taste like a little gummy candy. They taste good. Just grabem chew them and I go about my day. And it's not just the ACV Gummies Goally has stuff for different needs including ashwagandha for stress relief and superfruits for beauty and glow. And don't worry, they're vegan, gluten free and made without any of that artificial stuff. So taking vitamins can fit right into any routine without a second thought. So head to goli.com right now and get America's 1 Ashwagandha and apple cider vinegar gummies at an exclusive 42% off. Give them a try risk free backed by our money guarantee. Because wellness should be simple, effective and delicious. Don't wait. Visit goalie.com today. Okay, let's move on to the self reflection deck. Okay, let me grab a card. Oh wow, y'all, they got some heavy hitters in this deck. Y'all should. I'm a link these decks down below. I always link them. Y'all should really get some of these discussion questions. Like they're great for friends, families, even in, you know, dating. Like, these are such great questions to have genuine conversation versus asking people what's their favorite color, even though that's still important. But these are thought provoking questions that really help you get to know someone and open a space of vulnerability. So this first question from the self reflection deck is. Oh, I don't even know if I want to talk about this. Oh, God. Okay, I'm gonna do it. What insecurity has been holding me back the most? Okay, I'm gonna be real honest with y'all. I did. I think I talked about this a little bit in a previous episode, but I really believe that my biggest insecurity in general and the one that is holding me back so much is I believe or I, I don't believe that I deserve good things. Now you may be like, tyra. What? How could you even say that? I don't believe I deserve good things. I know I deserve good things. I do not believe I deserve good things. Two different things, two different statements. And this is something that I am working hard to unlearn. And the reason I know this is because I see it pop up in my life so often and it really took me getting serious with myself and not shying away from what's really going on in my heart and in my mind and in my body to realize, wow, I don't think I deserve good things. And it shows up through my actions. So I was literally. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth one morning, and I was just thinking about this insecurity that I. That I have. Because once I came to this revelation, I was just like, okay, how do we change this? And this is something that I'm still learning and want to do a whole episode on it later on. So if. If you guys feel the same way, shoot me an email, because, listen, this is a no judgment zone. But anyways, it's been holding me back the most, and it shows up in my life in these types of ways. So when. So let me start here. Oh, my gosh. This is. I'm about to unpack this for y'all. I promise. I'm getting to it. So when I fly, I have horrible anxiety. It's getting way better because I'm taking steps to make sure that I am comforting myself before the plane, before getting on a plane. Days leading up to it, all the things when I'm on the plane, I make sure that I have snacks, water, my headphones, lo fi music. I make sure that I got a good night's sleep. All of the things I make sure that I am in prime condition to fly. But I still have this thought every single time I fly that. Oh, this. Oh, my gosh, I don't even want to say this on the trigger warning if you, you know, trigger warning about planes and flying and crashes and stuff like that. If you don't want to hear about that, fast forward the episode a little bit because I'm only going to talk about it briefly. When I get on a plane, I always think, well, this plane go now, because of course I'm on it. And that is a. I don't know why I think that. And it's something that I challenge every time I think it now. But I only recently realized that that is directly related to the belief that I don't deserve good things. I don't deserve to make it to my destination. I don't deserve to travel the world. I'm. I find myself terrified to fly. I went to Italy once, but I'm terrified to go back. I will go back, and I have. But I have to muster the courage up to fly back over the Atlantic Ocean, any ocean, anywhere. But the main thought that I have there every single time I fly is I'm not going to make it to my destination, or I might not make it to my destination, and it's because it's me. Other people will definitely make it there, but when I think about myself, it's like, okay, you might not make it there, Tyra. And that's an issue. And I shouldn't think that I. I deserve to make it to my destination. I deserve to experience the world. And another way that this insecurity shows up, a big, huge one that I could talk about for days, but I'm only going to give it, I'm gonna keep it brief, is in romantic relationships, I don't think I deserve a happy, healthy relationship. And that shows up because I beg, I plead, I bargain with partners, people I'm dating. I accept less than what I want, less than what I deserve. And it's definitely something that I'm working on. And it's not something that I actively say, oh, I'm accepting less than I deserve. It's more so after the fact. For example, when my ex boyfriend and I broke up, I begged him to get back together with me. I was like, we can do this, we can do this. I'm here for you. I love you, I love you. All of these things. Just trying to prove myself to him. And what I was really doing was begging him to be with me because I didn't think I deserved better. I was going to accept whatever crumbs he was going to give me if, you know, he accepted my offer, which he didn't. But that's a whole nother story. He was not a bad boyfriend or anything like that. That's not what I'm saying. But once he told me that he needed to take time for himself to focus on him, I said, no, I can be there for you. It's fine. I can do whatever you need me to do, all of these things. And that's also shown up a little bit in my dating life. So I was dating this guy, and he just never had time to see me. Never had time to see me. And I talked about him. I recently talked about him, but he's always apparently so busy. And in my head I was like, oh, but I like him so much. Like, it's fine. We don't have to see each other. Like, it's fine. I'll see him whenever he has time. Because he said he's busy making excuses, Excuses. Now, I just met this man. There's no reason I should be making so many excuses and accepting crumbs. And I don't mean crumbs in a bad way, y'all. Like, he is honestly a nice guy and all of the things, but maybe he just isn't a guy for me, and that's fine. But that never made me Want to stop talking to him. I was always like, okay, well, I mean, he busy, but he'll be able to see me in two weeks. Like, literally, y'all. I kid you not. I said, hey, we're supposed to go see this movie together. He was like, oh, I'm. I'm busy for the next two weeks, y'all. And I said, okay, well, that's fine. We'll go see it in two weeks. That, like, for me, and it's always like that. It's never really a time where he was like, okay, well, I'm going to make you a priority. Granted, we just met, and I know that, but I'm just showing you guys the types of things that I just let slide, even though that's not particularly what I want. And it goes back to that thought of I don't deserve good things, or I don't think I deserve good things. I don't think I deserve the best, because if I did, I would act as such. And this is a whole complex thing, but I really think that that is my biggest insecurity that is holding me back the most. Because once I truly believe in myself and believe that I deserve good things and all of that, I really believe that I'm going to love on myself more. I'm going to pour into myself more. I'm going to be able to better analyze situations, to say, oh, I actually don't think I want this, and be able to walk away from things or be able to dive into things that I want to dive into, because it's loving myself more. I'm going to be able to do that. And this is a journey. So if you're like me and this is one of your biggest insecurities, listen, I'm right there with you. I'm not perfect. Ain't nobody perfect. And life is all about change and all about growth, but we gonna get it together. Okay. What? This is the next card. What do I need to hear most right now? Oh, God. I gotta think of a few things. I think something that I would love to hear most right now is you're doing a great job. You're doing a phenomenal job. Wow. I'm so proud of you. And I think I want to hear this because lately I have been feeling so overwhelmed and, you know, all of the things, but I think I want to hear those things because in my mind, I have been so doubtful lately, y'all, and this is something that I really want to take a deep dive into with, like, a guest or something on the podcast. But moving away from home and starting a life in a new place is one of the hardest things you can do. It's a very nuanced situation to be in and to be honest, like sometimes it's just, it's just hard and sometimes I'm just sad and sometimes I just want to be at home with my parents and sometimes I just want to hug. I just want to sit on the porch with my grandparents, like see my cousins, like I, oh, you guys. But what, what I miss is that comfort. And while I do have friends that I've made out here, like, I am a very family oriented person. And I think one of the greatest things about especially my grandparents is the way that they, they show me praise and love through words of affirmation. They tell me that they're proud of me and, you know, all of those things. And it does feel like a warm hug. And I think that's something that I, I really want to hear right now and I do tell myself that, but I, that's something that I would like to hear from my loved ones. I guess I should say that they are proud of me and that I'm doing a great job because being in la, and I'm going on six years now, being in la, being away from home is tough. It's tough. It always has been tough, it always will be tough. It is, it can be very mentally taxing being away from home, missing out on milestones and family gatherings and just all the things that are going on at home. Your parents are getting older, your siblings are getting older, everyone is moving on with life and you're so far away. It is honestly very taxing. But I wish I could hear that, you know, that I'm doing great.