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- [00:00]
Wondery Ad
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- [00:05]
Claire Nelson
Join Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
- [00:10]
Cassidy Depechel
This episode was Originally aired in 2023. A note to listeners this episode contains adult language and content. Please be adv from Wondery. I'm Cassidy depechel and this is against the Odds. Today we bring you the story of London based writer Clare Nelson. In May of 2018, Claire was hiking alone in Southern California's Joshua Tree National Park. With its spiky namesake yucca trees, an endless horizon, the park was a refuge for Claire from city life and the pressures of work. But on a seven mile hike, she slipped while scrambling across a boulder and dropped 25ft to the earth below. Here's Claire reading from her memoir about that moment.
- [01:20]
Claire Nelson
I remember the sound my buddy made as it hit the ground. A sharp crack, one that cut through the thump of my weight against the desert floor. Then the white heat of pain that stabbed through my body, escaping through my mouth in an almighty howl. I tried to scramble to my feet, the instinctive reaction to falling, but I couldn't get up. Everything below the arms remained a dead weight. Get up. I heaved my head and shoulders forward, trying to prize myself off the ground. But each time I crumpled again and again and again. Something in my body was disconnected. Urgent messages were being fired from the brain, but they weren't getting through. Only pain. Unbearable, indescribable pain. A scorching flame gun that set me alight with each attempt to move. I lay there flat on my back, my breathing fast and my heart pounding. I craned my neck to get a look at my legs. I couldn't lift them either, or bend my knees. Oh God. Oh God, please no. My feet were also immovable, weighted to the desert floor. But I found with intense concentration I could lean them slightly from side to side. I gently wiggled my toes inside my boots. Okay, I wasn't paralysed. That was something. I felt a strange flicker of hope through the pain and panic, a sense of I I'm gonna be all right. But my pelvis was broken. That much was clear. Shattered was actually the word that kept coming to mind.
- [02:49]
Cassidy Depechel
The fall was just the beginning of Claire's odyssey. While friends and family pieced together clues that she was missing, Claire spent the next several days exposed to the park's punishing desert environment in a fight for her life. On this special episode of against the Odds, Claire Nelson is here to tell us her story. This is Stranded in Joshua Tree.
- [03:24]
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- [04:00]
Cassidy Depechel
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- [05:12]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire Nelson's path to Joshua Tree began 5,000 miles away in London, where she was working as a writer and copy editor for a food and travel magazine. She was 35 years old when she decided to make a big life change.
- [05:27]
Claire Nelson
I was living in London, working what was pretty much my dream job, and everything was great. I'd always wanted to live in London. I'd always wanted to be a writer. And to anyone looking at my life from the outside, I should have been a happy person. And the frustrating thing was I wasn't happy. I was anxious, I was depressed, and I hit rock bottom. And I had this moment where I pretty much just collapsed at work and broke down in tears. I thought, something's got to give, something's got to change. And in true fashion for me, the only way I know how to Change something is to just change everything at once and throw myself into a completely different environment. So I thought moving to Canada, that's how I'm going to get through this. Because in my mind, Canada was everything that London was not. And it had all of the big nature, the wilderness that's so removed from civilization. And I wanted to figure out a new way to live. It was about spending time alone, working freelance, not putting so much pressure on myself about anything, really, except to just go out and be with myself and be with nature and explore new places and start afresh in a way.
- [06:45]
Cassidy Depechel
So Claire packed up and moved to Canada. She decided to work her way across the continent, thinking she might eventually settle in Vancouver. She was hiking in Quebec when she got a call from some friends who.
- [06:57]
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Used to live in London.
- [06:59]
Claire Nelson
They were now living in Joshua Tree. And they said, listen, we hear you're in Canada, traveling around. We're going away, and we need someone to come down to house sit for us and look after our cats while we go away to a wedding. And do you want to come down there? And so I thought, great. I love Joshua Tree. I can't think of anything better. I can't think of anything I'd rather do.
- [07:18]
Cassidy Depechel
Her friends were traveling for three weeks. Claire planned to spend almost every day tackling at least one small hike.
- [07:26]
Claire Nelson
So I just wrote down all the trails I wanted to do on a piece of paper with a pen and laid it all out, like, what trails I wanted to do on which day. For anyone who hasn't been to Joshua Tree, it's an incredible landscape. You've got desert for miles. It's the Mojave Desert, the high desert. So you have these famous, iconic Joshua trees, which are actually giant succulents. They just look like something that's like a child's drawing. And you've got massive stacks of boulders. You've got this vast landscape that just goes for miles and then kind of disappears into these layers of mountains. And you get the most amazing pink skies out there. You can smell the sage and the creosote and. And the juniper bush. And it's such a beautiful place. And I just loved it out there because I love a desert. I love the feeling of being really, really tiny and insignificant. And just when I'm in nature, I think that's when I feel most connected to it, is when I feel the gravity of it and the size of it. And I find it really comforting in a way that I can't quite explain. And you really feel that out in Joshua Tree also, there's a harshness to it, as there is, I think, in any great natural wilderness. And I'm very aware of the fact that it can kill you. Growing up in New Zealand, you are aware of that all the time, that it's the land that can get you.
- [08:46]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire says she knew the dangers of hiking in Joshua Tree, which lies on the border of Southern California's Mojave and Sonoran deserts.
- [08:54]
Claire Nelson
Namely, it's the heat and being prepared for the heat. I was very aware of the fact that it was rattlesnake season when I was there and also getting lost. And my friends had said to me, like, it is easy to get lost out here. And these were things that I was very aware of. But it's something I think anyone who hikes sort of knows in the back of their mind. And when you know these things, you kind of think, well, it won't happen to me. You put it in the back of your mind and you don't think you have to worry about it.
- [09:22]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire arrived in Joshua Tree and made May of 2018 and immediately began exploring and taking short hikes.
- [09:31]
Claire Nelson
Those first few days hiking felt really good. I felt like I'm supposed to be here and I'm in my comfort zone. I almost exclusively hike alone. That's where I felt happy and at peace. And every time I'm on a new trail, I just thought, gosh, I'm so happy to be here right now. I felt completely confident because I was doing something I'd done so many times before. There's nothing in my mind that made me think I needed to be particularly worried.
- [10:02]
Cassidy Depechel
On the morning of May 22, Claire planned to take on the longest hike she'd done so far on the trip, the Lost Palms Oasis Trail at the southern end of the national park. She figured the 7 mile out and back trek would take her about 4 hours.
- [10:19]
Claire Nelson
So I left the house around 7:30 and came to the ranger station at the Cottonwood Visitor Center. I couldn't quite find the trailhead, so I thought, I will just pull up here. I want to speak to the ranger anyway and just check everything's fine with the trail. They said the heat is the biggest risk at the moment. Make sure you have enough water. They said there might be a little bit of scrambling at one point in the trail. And we kind of joked about, you know, it's always when you're tired, then you have to suddenly do some scrambling. So I had that in my mind as well. At some point I have to do a bit of Rock climbing, so to speak. And then that was it. And then I set off and parked at the trailhead and grabbed my day pack and started walking. The Lost Palms Oasis Trail takes you deep into this valley where you'll come across. It's quite amazing, this cluster of California palm trees. So you're following this trail up and over and around these different rock formations and eventually you'd come to a high point where you can look down into the valley and you see these little palm trees in the distance and then you sort of have to make your way down to them from there. I was wearing just shorts and a vest top and a bandanna and a hat and my boots. In my day pack I had put in another T shirt, some sunscreen. I had my lunch, which was just an avocado bagel I'd slap together and a clif bar and a boiled egg. I had five litres of water with me and at the last minute I decided I would leave one in the car for when I got back. So I went into the park with four litres, which I still thought would be plenty for a four hour hike.
- [11:56]
Cassidy Depechel
The National Park Service recommends that on hot days, hikers should carry 2 gallons or 8 liters of water per person for a full day in the park. So Claire's decision to pack 4 liters for a 4 hour hike was right on target.
- [12:10]
Claire Nelson
I also had a rudimentary first aid kit. I had my digital camera that I charged up the night before and it was a last minute decision, but I took my friend's wooden hiking stick with me. I was almost about to pull away from the house and I thought, I'll go back and get it. I had this weird feeling and went and grabbed it from inside the house. I didn't tell anybody where I was going. It's not something I did as a habit. I know you were supposed to do that, but I think I just got so used to doing this and that habit sort of fell away and I think there's probably an unconscious thought process going on of this is a national park. These are marked established trails that anyone can drive into the park and do. So I'm not thinking this is a dangerous, dangerous territory. And hearing that there was some scrambling didn't phase me whatsoever. I just thought, oh, that's good to know and felt kind of good about myself. That doesn't faze me, like, great, I've got it, I can do this and I'm really excited.
- [13:13]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire says the hike started without a hitch.
- [13:17]
Claire Nelson
That first mile on the trail I was Elated. I remember feeling so happy. Just having these moments of absolute gratitude that I'm here, I'm not back in my office in London in the middle of Soho, with all of the traffic and the smoke and the pressures and all of that noise, it was just none of it was there. And I thought, this is exactly where I want to be. I felt really, really good. I had walked the first couple of miles and was going up and down and climbing through these big, massive piles of boulders. And eventually the trail just finished in front of a pile of boulders and I thought, ah, well, this must be where I need to do some scrambling. And went straight up. It was absolutely fine. I remember being aware of putting my hands into crevices in the rocks and thinking snakes, you know, that being the only thing that was sending any danger. Alarm bells going off. And when I got to the top of this pile of rocks, I sat down and I looked out at the view and I was overlooking this massive valley that just seemed to keep going and going. Again, just having these moments of feeling really peaceful. I knew I had to get down from the boulder stack and I was trying to figure out the best way to get down the other side, because directly down, I knew it was way too high for me to try and get down that side. And off to my right, I could see it was a much easier climbing down point. And so to get to the right side of this boulder stack, I just had to cross this massive rock. It was very smooth, but there were some little crevices and cracks in the face of it. What my plan was was to reach down with my right leg, get a foothold in there, and then swing my left leg across and then I'd be fine. And I'm putting my boot heel into this little foothold in the rock and I'm pressing my weight into it and it's holding and I give it a little bit more weight and it's holding and I'm like, cool. Just as I go to swing my leg across, that foot slips and I'm immediately sliding. Everything goes in slow motion. I had never experienced that before. You know, you hear people say that, that things go in slow motion, and it's one of those sort of cliches that you kind of think that isn't actually how it feels, but it's exactly how it feels. That time is suddenly very different. And all I know at that point is that I'm going to fall, that it's going to hurt, and I can't do anything about it, you know, as much as I'm trying to grab at the rock and everything around me, there's nothing to grab onto. So my brain just warns me, like, get ready, because you're about to get hurt. Then I land about 25ft down. The moment I hit the ground, I heard something break. The sound came first, then the pain. And, you know, the first thing you do when you fall down is you try and get up. And then I realized I can't get up. I can't get my body to move the way that it usually does. Everything below my hips was just immovable. It was so clear to me from that moment that I had broken my pelvis, that it was in pieces. And so I'm stuck there in this position, flat on my back. I know I can move my toes. I know I'm not paralyzed, but I can't actually move my legs at all. I'm trying to find my phone so that I can call, you know, call 911 for some sort of medical help. But even as I grab my phone, I'm thinking, I know there's no phone signal here, but I'm trying it, and I'm trying it anyway, because I still think that even when there's no phone signal, you're sort of thinking, yeah, but if it's life or death, I'm sure there'll be a way that this. This phone will save me. And I'm calling, and I'm calling, and it's just no signal. No signal. No signal. That was the first moment of, okay, this is really, really serious. And all the other factors started to just sort of land on me like a dead weight, like the fact that I hadn't told anybody where I was going, the fact that I was out in this place on my own with no one expecting me back.
- [17:23]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire's phone didn't have any signal, but she had downloaded a Google map of the region to her phone. This meant she could see her location even when she didn't have service. To her shock, Claire discovered she wasn't on the Lost Palms Oasis trail anymore.
- [17:40]
Claire Nelson
And that was when I realized I had gone about a mile off the trail. And once. Once I realized that, I thought, well, that's it. I'm. I'm dead. I've just put myself in a position where I'm going to die out here. Still surprising how quickly I came to that. But those were the facts, and they were very, very glaring.
- [18:00]
Cassidy Depechel
We'll hear more from our guest, Claire Nelson after a break in today's job market.
- [18:11]
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- [18:18]
Cassidy Depechel
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- [18:20]
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- [19:10]
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- [19:45]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire Nelson was hiking in Joshua Tree national park when she fell from a boulder, shattering her pelvis. The injury made walking or even crawling impossible. To make matters worse, she was a mile off the trail with no cell reception.
- [20:02]
Claire Nelson
At first I was so mad at myself and I kind of panicked for a moment and I had my phone in my hand so I recorded a video just to let people know what happened. If they find me, I might die here. And I'm really scared that that's the case. And I don't know.
- [20:19]
Cassidy Depechel
I don't know what to do.
- [20:20]
Claire Nelson
I can't get a signal out here and I call for help and no one's out here. This is the stupidest thing I've ever done. Can't move.
- [20:32]
Nick and Jack
Fuck.
- [20:34]
Cassidy Depechel
That Sound from one of several video messages Claire recorded with her phone and digital camera while lying out in the desert.
- [20:42]
Claire Nelson
And as I put my phone away I thought, no, I have to put this thought away as well that I'm going to die. I can't focus on that right now. I have to try and keep my head in a good place. And then sort of switched into what I can only describe as survival mode. It felt like my Brain went into a backup mode and was starting to, like, scan through all of my memories for any kind of piece of information that I'd picked up over the many years of my life that might be useful in this situation. And then my mood shifted from being angry at myself to angry at the situation and being like, no, I'm going to get out of here. No, this is ridiculous. I refuse to die here. Let's see how we can get out of the situation.
- [21:27]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire knew if she was going to survive, she'd have to figure out a way to deal with the heat. By 11:00am, temperatures were already approaching 90 degrees Fahrenheit.
- [21:39]
Claire Nelson
The heat was the overpowering problem for me at that moment. Like, it was hot. I'm lying very exposed directly underneath the sun. So the first thing I did was figure out a way to protect myself. I did a quick inventory of what I had in my bag and I had a map of the park. So I thought, I can use that to cover myself up. I have this spare T shirt, I can use that. I have my bandana, I can use that. And I actually had two bottles of 50 SPF sunscreen. And because I had shorts on, I thought, I'll use my hiking stick to apply the sunscreen to my legs. And it's the thicker kind, thankfully, rather than like the runnier liquid kind, because this way it would stick really well to the ball at the top of this hiking stick. And then I would just lying on my back, use it to sort of smear it up and down all over my legs. And then I would try and spread out this map on top of my legs, which is kind of tricky to do when you're just lying on your back. And then the map blew away. And then I realized I had another map in my bag, thankfully. So, you know, I thought this time I need to make sure I don't let it blow away. And then using the stick again, I had put my hat on top of it and held it up between the sun and my face so I wasn't squinting into the sun. So really that became my main project at that moment was like, right, keep myself from burning and keep myself from suffering too much from the heat. And it was good to have a task to do to keep my mind busy as well. I think that was really important.
- [23:08]
Cassidy Depechel
As the day wore on, Claire cried out periodically for help, but so far no one had answered her calls.
- [23:17]
Claire Nelson
At that point, the only idea I had in my head about getting out of there was that somebody was going to come along by the End of that day, even though I wasn't on the trail, I held onto that as being my only option. And then once the hours went by and the sky started to change and it got a little bit darker, the gravity of the situation really started to sink in. Because I thought it's one thing to be injured on a trail out in the daylight, but to be out there at night, it was like, oh, this is serious now, and I'm going to spend the night completely vulnerable to everything in the desert on my own. And I was absolutely terrified. The sun finally moving off me was a massive relief. But it became cold so quickly that now I knew I was having to deal with a new discomfort altogether.
- [24:09]
Cassidy Depechel
Deserts are places of extremes. Brutally hot during the day and frigid at night. Claire was wearing just shorts and a T shirt.
- [24:21]
Claire Nelson
In order to keep myself warm, I had to cover up as much skin as possible. So I had the spare T shirt in my bag, which I put on and then tucked one arm inside the T shirt, and then the other arm I put inside my rucksack and my legs. I had spread my bandanna over them and the map over them and laying the stick on top. But it was freezing cold and my teeth were chattering and it was really hard to sleep. But then a lot of that was also just the pure terror of the situation. I don't think I've ever felt as vulnerable as I did lying on the desert floor, unable to move in the dark. I was so convinced that something was going to come out and get me. As much as coyotes are never threatening to me during the day, suddenly it's a different story at night. And it being rattlesnake season was top of the of my mind. And I became convinced that there were snakes everywhere and that they were coming out of the many, many crevices in the rocks around me. And I'm lying there and I'm freezing, and my body is just, like, completely rigid with the cold and the fear. And at the corner of my eye, I think I see a snake moving out from under one of the rocks, you know, And I'm thinking, well, snakes don't come out at night. But I'm also sort of logic just goes out the window when you're that afraid. After a while I thought, the snake's moving, but it's not getting any closer. And I grab my phone, I turn the torch on, and then there is no snake there. There's nothing there. Then I see another snake coming out from under the rock, and I do the same thing and none of these snakes were there, but I was seeing them so clearly. And it's incredible what fear can do to your mind. And I didn't sleep very well at all that night. I don't think I slept very much at all. I must have fallen asleep at one point because I remember waking up and I remember that thing when you wake up in the morning and it takes you a second to realize where you are. And just being like, oh my God, it actually happened, that was real. And at the same time being like, well, thank God that's over because now someone's going to come by today and then this is just going to be a crazy story. So in that respect, the second morning I was feeling pretty optimistic because now I have a whole day ahead of me at nighttime. There's no chance, no one's coming by. The daylight means that there will be people in the park. So with that was renewed hope. And I knew that as long as I had some form of hope, something that I could hold onto, it would keep my head in a good space and it would just keep me going and sustain me in that way. And I was also so cold that I was actually looking forward to the sun coming back over me until it actually came back over me and then I was dreading it again. Even though I was feeling optimistic, my body was in so much pain, I was in so much discomfort because it's a combination of having this broken pelvis and any kind of slight movement is just absolute agony. And of course there's this discomfort of the growing dehydration.
- [27:17]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire had packed four liters of water, plenty for a four hour day hike. But she'd now been in the park, exposed to the elements for 24 hours and was almost out.
- [27:30]
Claire Nelson
Dehydration is one of the worst things I've experienced. You know when you think when you're really, really thirsty, like that's not even scratching the surface. My internal organs are thirsty, you know, my eyeballs are thirsty, the inside of my mouth is thirsty. And at this point I'm really down to the drinks in my water. So I'm taking these time, tiny, very irregular sips. And my kidneys are really painful and my insides sort of hurt. Everything hurts at this point.
- [28:00]
Cassidy Depechel
That morning, Claire had tried again to call out for help, but again she got no response. Now, in the heat of the day, it was getting harder for her to muster the energy. And given how far she was from the trail, the likelihood of someone being close enough to hear her began to feel futile.
- [28:20]
Claire Nelson
One of the things I was doing to keep my head in a good space was making these video messages. It weren't for anybody at that point. It was just me talking to myself. And I think it was a way of feeling connected to something, feeling less alone and also just, you know, like getting things off your chest. It was quite a fight with a heat today. I'm not letting it wear it, but boy, oh boy, I don't want to have to do that again tomorrow. Please. In this crazy heat. I keep thinking I'm hearing a helicopter. At one point I thought I heard an ambulance in the distance, but it was all in my head. It's not fair.
- [29:04]
Cassidy Depechel
As far as food was concerned, Claire tried her best to eat the small bits she'd packed. But the combination of shock, pain and dehydration drained her appetite. Humans can survive around three weeks without food if they have ample water. Without water, it's more like three days. On that second day in the desert, Claire ran out of water.
- [29:31]
Claire Nelson
And I'd been conserving my urine in my empty drink bottle. In the back of my mind, I know people have done it, so just went straight and started drinking that. It's gross. It's exactly what I imagined it would taste like. And the worst thing about it is just this aftertaste and kind of gets up into the back of your nose. It's unpleasant, but it's also, it was just nice to have something to drink at that stage.
- [29:57]
Cassidy Depechel
As the sun set, Claire now faced a second strange night alone in the desert.
- [30:03]
Claire Nelson
When the second night came around, I was just pretty distraught at that point because I thought if no one's come to find me now, then it means that no one might ever come and find me. I thought the only way that I'm going to be able to get out of here is to stay alive long enough for someone to notice I'm missing and put all of these pieces together. And the pieces were, was so small and tenuous that I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how that might happen. Like how would somebody, my family in New Zealand, my friends in London, or my friends in North America, how will they figure out that I'm missing and then how will they figure out where I've gone missing and how long will all of this take and, and where the friends I was house sitting for were because they were going off to Scotland for a wedding and then they're going to Morocco. So I was like, what day is it now? Which country will they be in? What's the time There and doing all of this sort of maths in my mind because I was like, I just don't see how this is going to work. How are people going to figure this out? It was really the third day when I started to lose hope. I started to feel myself get weaker. The more my mood dropped, more my morale fell and that was hard. It was the first day I actually allowed myself to cry. I don't know me, I don't want to be here. I really don't want to be here. Oh God. I was feeling a little bit freaked out. I was crumbling and it was just hard to hold on. And I thought, I just don't know if I can stay alive long enough for people to figure all out these ridiculous little pieces of the puzzle. It was really hard to not sort of look back at my life, thinking about my life in London all the way back to my childhood and the ways in which I had held myself back in so many ways. And that I could have done more and I could have been braver and I could have believed in myself a lot more. And it really dawned on me that so much of the things in my life that had held me back were based on fear of some kind of being afraid of something. And that most of those fears were non existent and they were just things that I had created in my own head as obstacles. And it was just taking stock of the mistakes that I'd made in that respect and really seeing them clearly for the first time. I mean, in a way it was what I'd set out to do when I went off to Canada. Except this just kind of all came crashing down on me very suddenly and in a very unexpected way. I was thinking a lot about the people in my life and realising how many great people I had in my life and how much I wanted to see them again. And I think the. The thing that was keeping me going above all else was the fact that despite being so depressed in the life that I was living, there was so much of the world that I wanted to continue to experience and to share it. And there was still so much joy to be had and I just wasn't ready to give that up. When I reached that third night, that was the moment when I kind of gave in to the situation. I think just because I was getting so physically weak, it was like, okay, I'm gonna have to think about this thing that I put away on the first day. This fact that I'm probably gonna die here. And I need to really just acknowledge that for a moment. I remember that was a very calm night. And I remember seeing for the first time bats coming out of the rocks that were above me and I hadn't seen them before. And I thought, well, that's nice. They must realize I'm not a threat. So they're just, they're starting to come out tonight. And then I thought, well, I guess I'm sort of becoming part of the desert now. Like, the animals are not threatened by me. You know, if I die here, then my bones will just kind of become part of the desert. And this felt like something quite beautiful about that. And I thought, well, actually, if I am going to have to die, like, there would have been so many worse ways to go and so many worse places to spend my last moments. And I felt this really incredible sense of peace. And it's not something I've, I'd ever experienced before and haven't since.
- [34:38]
Cassidy Depechel
After the break, we'll hear the conclusion of Claire's story.
- [34:48]
H
Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and Ill Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is the Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails and blunders of all time. Like Quibi.
- [35:11]
Quince Ad
It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it.
- [35:15]
H
And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats.
- [35:18]
Claire Nelson
Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie.
- [35:24]
H
Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy the Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the Big Flop early and ad free on wondery plus get started with your free trial at wondery.com plus.
- [35:44]
Capital One Ad
Psst.
- [35:45]
Wondery Ad
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- [36:04]
Cassidy Depechel
Grown ups.
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Wondery Ad
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- [36:46]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire Nelson had survived three days alone in the punishing desert of Joshua Tree National Park. After breaking her pelvis by the third night. Severely dehydrated and getting weaker by the hour, she gave up hope of rescue.
- [37:04]
Claire Nelson
Went to sleep that night thinking that, well, this is it, you know, goodbye, and went to sleep. And then that fourth morning came around, and I woke up, and I was kind of like, huh, okay, I'm still here. But I was very, very weak at that point. Like, I didn't have the energy to hold my sunshade up, so. So I just draped it on top of me, and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I was so dehydrated. Everything hurt. I was in so much pain and just didn't have it in me anymore. It was Friday at that point, Friday morning, and I'd been out there since Tuesday morning. So I was just sort of waiting to die at that point. I was sort of in this weird fever dream in the afternoon. And then I hear a helicopter. And I'm thinking I'm imagining it because I can't see it, but I sort of come to, and I'm listening, and I'm like, no, that definitely is a helicopter. And then I hear this voice come over, the announcer from the helicopter saying, we're looking for a missing hiker. And I couldn't believe it. But I also didn't think they were looking for me. I. I thought, they're looking for a hiker. That's great. They might find me as well. So I got quite excited, and I'm shouting and I'm trying to wave the sunshade, and I'm so weak, but give it everything. And then the sound of the helicopter gets quieter, and they disappear and they leave. And I'm just like, well, that's my chance gone, unless they come back. And then they do come back a little while later, and this time I hear the same announcement, but they say my name. And it was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Someone's figured it out. Someone's figured out that I'm out here. So that was an incredible realization. But also, they're at least a mile away. They're looking for me on the trail. I need them to come over to this part of the park. And so I hear the helicopter get quiet and disappear again. And it was so silent after that moment. I thought I can't believe it. Oh, it was silent. So heartbreaking, because I just thought that was. I was so close to getting out of here. And I have no idea how long it was until I heard them again. But they did come back a third time, and I thought, this time I'm going to be ready for them. I put my T shirt on, the sunshade. I put everything I had on it, made it really big. I had this plastic bag and the T shirt and the hat on the sun. I'm holding it as high as I can, and I'm waving it and waving it. I still can't see this helicopter, but then I hear them say my name, and they say, we see you, and we're going to come and get you. And I kind of went into shock at that point. The relief that washed over me in that moment is something I will never forget. And then I. Yeah, I felt like I was in shock because I was convinced I was going to die. And suddenly, oh, no, wait. No, I'm not. It was so strange to be in shock over something so wonderful. And it was also a nice sense of sort of letting go and being like, it doesn't matter, because someone's going to come and they can take over now. Like, I don't have to fight anymore. People are going to come. They're going to bring pain medication, they're going to fix me, and I'm going to see my family again. So it was just this lovely relief of not having to hold myself together. Climb.
- [40:21]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire was spotted by a Riverside County Sheriff's helicopter team.
- [40:25]
Claire Nelson
So the two officers found somewhere to land. They hiked down to me, and suddenly there was two other people in this little tiny canyon I was in. And that felt really surreal. And we were joking around because I was so elated. I was giddy. And they were like, we can't believe you're making jokes, let alone the fact that you're alive. They were looking for a body. They figured out how long they'd been out there and had, you know, thought that I would be dead. So there I am, cracking jokes with them, and they were in disbelief, and I was in shock. And it was this wonderful feeling all the same. But they hadn't brought any gear to get me out, so they had to radio for the California Highway Patrol, who could drop in a stretcher. And then they lifted me out of that place. And I remember just hanging below this helicopter thinking, I can't believe it. I'm gonna live. It was so surreal because I'm lying In the icu, I'm filthy, I'm in pain. And then someone hands me a phone and it's my mum. And turns out that all my friends and family around the world had been talking to each other, trying to piece things together, which was so wonderful. And it really hit home then that I have so many people in my life who care about me and I need to stop being so solitary all of the time because it almost killed me. And then when my mum came over from New Zealand to California, it was just so wonderful to see her and be able to hug her. And then when my friends arrived back from their trip and they came straight to the hospital and they were in tears and it was just, yeah, it was wonderful. I felt bad that I'd put everybody through that, but it was just wonderful to see them again.
- [42:06]
Cassidy Depechel
After the rescue, Claire learned the full story of how she'd been tracked down.
- [42:12]
Claire Nelson
My mum had sort of noticed that I hadn't been posting anything online, but just wanted to leave me alone, like, I'm independent. My friends I'd been house sitting for also noticed the same thing. You know, she hasn't been posting anything on social media. They sent me some texts, I didn't reply. So they got some friends to come around to the house just to check in on me and said, she's not here, the car's not here. And that's when they found, like, my notes to saying what day I was going to do what hike. And they were like, we need to call Search and Rescue. And it just started to unravel from there. They found the car at the trailhead, but the reason that the helicopter actually found me was down to the deputies in the chopper who were leaving the park to refuel and decided to take this particular route because someone had been lost and found there about 10 years before. And they just did it on a whim, on a hunch. And, you know, I owe them my life for that.
- [43:05]
Cassidy Depechel
Claire's physical recovery was grueling. She spent 18 days in the hospital in Palm Springs.
- [43:13]
Claire Nelson
I couldn't walk. I'm on a huge collection of medications on fluids being pumped into me for almost two weeks. And then my mum took me back to Canada and looked after me there for about two months until I was well enough to get on a flight over to New Zealand.
- [43:32]
Cassidy Depechel
Back in her home country, Claire spent the next four months learning how to walk again.
- [43:38]
Claire Nelson
I had two pins put into my pelvis, which I still have. I'd also suffered a broken toe and a very bad ankle sprain. And today the ankle's the thing that still goes on me the most problems, but it could have been so much worse. So I'm almost grateful that I have this little reminder of what could have been.
- [43:57]
Cassidy Depechel
Along with her physical recovery, Claire says she's faced an emotional one.
- [44:03]
Claire Nelson
I was on this high, on this absolute high, because I suddenly had this bonus life that I wasn't expecting. And everything every day felt like a bonus, despite the physical pains and limitations. And I think it's taken me the past four years to kind of still process it all, like it's still unraveling, kind of what I've learned from that and how it's affecting me going forward. I really learnt a lot about what it means to be hyper independent, because being independent is great. You know, being an independent woman who does her own thing, you know, that's great and it has a lot of benefits to it. But the way I was living my life was actually going too far in that direction. I wasn't being as independent as I was out of any kind of strength. It was actually out of fear. I was keeping everyone at arm's length. I was refusing to ask for help, I was refusing to accept help. And I had done it under the guise of being successful and strong. And in fact, that's not what was happening at all. And so being able to see that was a really big game changer for me.
- [45:04]
Cassidy Depechel
One thing that hasn't changed, Claire still goes hiking alone.
- [45:10]
Claire Nelson
I love hiking alone. It's still something that's really important to me to be alone in the wilderness. It allows me to clear my head and it allows me to also just appreciate where I am in life. But now when I'm hiking by myself, I make sure that somebody knows where I'm going. And I also carry a satellite messenger, so no matter where I am, it doesn't matter. I'm not relying on my phone. And I still have the stick, one of my prized possessions. Now I'm convinced it saved my life. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had that with me.
- [45:48]
Cassidy Depechel
In January of 2019, just eight months after her fall, Claire Nelson returned to Joshua Tree.
- [45:57]
Claire Nelson
One of the things I really wanted to do was to go back and finish the hike, the Los Palms Oasis. And it became a really good motivational tool to recover, you know, to keep me going. And so as soon as I was able to walk, I was back on a plane to California. And I did. I went and finished the hike and invited the friends I'd made There with me. And that was fantastic. It was so surreal though. I'm walking on this trail and the first, like two miles or so, I remembered it all. And then I sort of came to the point where I figured out that's where I had taken a wrong turn. There was this tiny little wooden sign with an arrow pointing to go up a bank. And I must have just turned the wrong way at the time and not even seen it. My friends and I sort of stopped there for a moment and passed around a little whiskey and took stock of what could have been and then kept going. And we made it all the way there and back and saw these amazing palm trees. And I was just so aware of the fact that. The fact that somewhere a couple of miles away from me was another version of myself that was just lying out there dying. And I just couldn't get that out of my head. And so every step I was just like incredibly grateful. I mean, grateful just feels like too small a word I have to say. I say that word a lot and I think it doesn't do it justice. The appreciation that I was feeling. I think there was that element of. Of having walked the same first couple of miles that I'd walked before, but then going beyond that. And it was almost like that's kind of what life was like for me now. Like I got to keep on living and seeing more of life and doing more and all the things that I hadn't wanted to kind of close the book on. And so that trail really did feel like this kind of metaphor in a way for my life now that this is a whole other part that I'm yet to see and yet to experience, but now I actually get to keep walking and doing it.
- [47:52]
Cassidy Depechel
A year after her accident in Joshua Tree, Claire wrote a memoir about the experience. She called it Things I Learned from Falling. She's been asked many times about why she thinks she survived.
- [48:07]
Claire Nelson
A lot of people will tell me that, oh, I would have just died. And it I tell them, no, you wouldn't, because that's not how we're designed. Every single atom in our body is designed to keep us alive. And it's just that we don't normally have to switch those mechanisms on in our day to day life, thankfully, but we have them. So I wouldn't believe anybody who would tell me that, oh, I would have just given up and died there. And then it's like, no, I really think you're designed to fight and be resourceful and use whatever tools you have mentally or physically at your disposal.
- [48:42]
Cassidy Depechel
Thanks to Claire Nelson for sharing her story with us. Claire is currently working on a second book about hiking across her native New Zealand and exploring the meaning of home, something she says she's thought a lot about since her fall.
- [49:04]
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If you like against the odds, you can binge all episodes early and ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. And before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondery.com survey.
- [49:25]
Cassidy Depechel
This was stranded in Joshua Tree. Thanks again to our guest Claire Nelson. To learn more about her story, we recommend Claire's book Things I Learned from Falling. I'm your host Cassie Depechel. This episode was produced and written by Peter A.R. cooney, sound design by Joe Richardson, Audio engineer is Sergio Enriquez, Original theme music by Scott Velasquez and 2K for freeze on Sync. Series producers are Emily Frost, Matt Olmos and Alida Rosanski. Managing producer is Desi Blaylock. Senior managing producer is Callan Plews. Senior producer is Andy Herman. Executive producers are Jenny Lauer, Beckman, Stephanie Jens Marshall, Louie and Erin o' Flaherty.
- [50:08]
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For wondering.
- [50:18]
Nick and Jack
This is Nick and this is Jack. We're best friends, ex finance guys and resident 90s experts. And every week on our podcast the Idea yet, we're bringing you the untold stories behind your favorite products. For instance, can you guess which billion dollar fashion company went viral thanks to a rhinestone covered tracksuit? Or which cartoon turned four turtles into a global toy empire by accident? It started as a joke. Last one which cold beverage was so hated by Starbucks they actually ended up acquiring it. Spoiler the Frappuccino. Howard Schultz apparently thought cold coffee was super lame and then he bought it. From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Juicy Couture to the Orange Mocha Frappuccino, Join us every week to learn how your favorite things got made. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor.