Transcript of episode:

Well, hey there. Welcome back.

Why We Remember Firsts But Miss the Lasts

There’s a lot of talk about the first time you do something. You remember your first time at something. But the reverse isn’t exactly true because it takes a bit of time to realize it truly was the last time because in some cases there’s a chance you might do it again. But thinking back on the last time can be rather jarring, emotionally draining, but sometimes can make you smile.

Sometimes it can make you sad. There was a last time that you rode your bike as a 12-year-old. You put in the garage or or just put it down against the fence or what have you and that was it. You never rode it again. There was the last time you played with your Legos and then they got packed up and that was it. And yes, I know there are tons of adults now that do Lego stuff, so maybe not the best example. There was a last time that you did an art project as a kid. A last time that you wrote in a old paper journal with your favorite pen. A last time that you had a certain treat that your grandmother used to make. There was a last time you slept alone or a last time you slept with a partner. A last time you heard the laughter of your children when they were little. Even the last time you flipped a burger before you hung up your hat and went on to bigger and better things.

Thinking about first times is easy because you can only have first time at something once. Your first kiss, your first love, your first time trying something. When you’re a beginner learning something, it’s your first time setting foot in a new area or even a new piece of software. If you do it again, you know it’s not your first time because you’ve already done it. But the last time is a little more difficult to record because as I said, you you don’t think about it at the time because at the time you think you’re going to do it again at some point because you’re used to doing it over and over again. But it truly becomes the last time until you look back on it 10, 15, 20, 50 years later.

The Sudden Finality of Loss: Reflections on Recent Goodbyes

What made me really think of this is in the last couple days, two people I knew have passed away. And for both of them, I thought I was going to be able to speak to them again. I didn’t realize the last time I talked to them was literally the last time.

One of them was Scott Adams, someone uh that I had interviewed. And though I knew of his declining health, I was hopeful that we were going to talk again and sort of catch up on things. The other was a longtime client of mine, someone I’d got to know. I’d got to know both he and his wife, and I very much appreciated seeing them interact in front of me as I was interacting with them for business purposes. I always got a kick out of him and them and it was almost sitcom-esque in the way the environment felt with always being a happy ending in which I was waiting for the studio audience to start clapping and laughing. The sense of loss that we feel at a funeral is not just missing the person, but it’s the realization that you cannot interact again. that everything was a last time.

Any and every interaction you’ve ever had with that person is the last final time you’ve had it.

Living in a Culture of “Do-Overs” and Reboots

That finality is something that we don’t experience that often in life. In fact, one could say a lot of our current culture, especially powered by social media, is one that really doesn’t allow for finality because there’s always a doover. You can always go back and rewatch something. There’s always a revival, a reboot, and what have you.

Sometimes we don’t truly appreciate the finality in which life moves. It’s something to respect, to expect, and to I guess appreciate on a level. And it makes me wonder just what aspects of life we are ignoring the finality of. What parts of life are we moving in? Business, personal relationships, what have you, in which there’s some finality. there’s a last time that we aren’t really appreciating. If you’re in a relationship that doesn’t seem like it’s going to end, do you think about the last time, the last embrace, the last brushing by someone as you walk through the kitchen? If you have a client, do you think about the last project, the project you’re on right now? Is this it? Is this the last project I’m ever going to do for them? The last representation in court, the last design, the last article.

Finding the Balance Between Morbidity and Gratitude

Does this sense of finality make us morbid? Well, perhaps that’s what causes us to avoid indulging ourselves in it too often. We have an awareness of it, but we don’t want to live it daytoday. We don’t want to live in fear and in aversion to this thing just abruptly ending it. It’s not a way to live.

But the other book end that we’re squeezed between is the one in which we completely ignore the possibility of finality. If you go through life thinking everything is futile, that what’s the point? it’s just going to end anyway. You create for yourself a relatively cold and miserable existence. But if you live on the opposite side of the spectrum in which you believe that everything is infinite and you can take things for granted, then you’re not truly embracing the importance and the magnitude of mortality. I think in my humble opinion that living somewhere in the middle is probably best that we are aware of the last times that happen but that we also embrace the present moment.

A Personal Moment of Outsider Perspective

I’ll tell you something odd. A long time ago, when my kids were little and I was married, in the middle of winter, I took out the garbage. And before I actually came back in the house, I stood outside in front of the window. They didn’t know I was watching. And with the very cold wind blowing, I looked inside of the house to them happily playing together and thought about what it was like to be an outsider, what it was like to be cut off from that.

I did that on purpose because I wanted to see how that felt and I wanted to make sure I appreciated that it wasn’t my current position. I I never told them that I did that. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever spoken about it in 10 plus years. And now my kids are grown up and moved out and I am now divorced. But at least at that time, it really drove the point home of what I had. And I appreciated that I did that. And I still appreciated that I did this regardless of the outcome.

Preparing for the End to Appreciate the Now

So even if it’s as simple as the last time you use your kurig or a favorite frying pan to a conversation with a dear loved one, the last time can really have meaning in your life. And if you stop to think about it before it’s the last time, it can not only make you appreciate things, but can prepare you for the actual last time.

Who knows when the last time will be that you hear my voice on this podcast. I’d like to think it’s not this time. And I truly hope you keep listening. So, thank you. If it is your last time, I appreciate you. And if I’m going to see you again, I appreciate you as well.

Take care of yourself. Thank you.