An Exploration of Single Life

Summary

Summary of "All Of It" Podcast Episode: An Exploration of Single Life

Host: Alison Stewart
Guest: Nicola Slauson
Release Date: February 14, 2025
Duration: Approximately 28 minutes
Location: WNYC Studios, Soho

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Introduction

In this heartfelt Valentine's Day episode of "All Of It," host Alison Stewart delves into the nuanced world of single life with Nicola Slauson, author of "Living a Complete Life on Your Own Terms." The episode explores the joys, challenges, and societal perceptions of being single, whether by choice or circumstance.

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Interview with Nicola Slauson

Personal Journey to Singlehood

Nicola Slauson opens up about her transition to embracing single life. Following a series of tumultuous relationships and personal heartbreaks, she reached a pivotal moment of self-reflection.

Quote:
Nichola at [03:11]:
"After a while I realized that actually some of the best times of my life had happened while I was single. And so I stopped feeling sort of shame about it."

This realization led her to prioritize her independence and personal growth over seeking a relationship.

Creation of the Single Supplement

In October 2019, on her 35th birthday, Slauson launched her newsletter, the Single Supplement, beginning with the candid statement: "It's my 35th birthday today and I have woken up alone." This bold admission aimed to connect with others who navigate singlehood, especially during significant celebrations like Valentine's Day.

Quote:
Nichola at [04:48]:
"I just felt like I had space... I wrote that to sort of hope, in the hope that it might resonate with some of the new readers."

Building a Community Among Singles

Before the pandemic, Slauson started a Facebook group to foster connections among her newsletter subscribers. The onset of COVID-19 exponentially increased its membership, transforming it into a global support network where singles could share experiences and form meaningful friendships.

Quote:
Nichola at [06:30]:
"There's nothing worse than feeling like if all your friends are in relationships or married and you're the only single one, you can sort of feel a little bit like a freak of nature."

Diversity Within Singlehood

Slauson emphasizes that singlehood encompasses a wide spectrum of experiences. Her community includes individuals who are single by choice, those open to future relationships, and others who find themselves single due to circumstances like the loss of a partner.

Quote:
Nichola at [08:26]:
"There are people from all walks of life... single at heart... they just feel like that's them living their best life."

Cultural Differences in Perceptions of Singlehood

The episode highlights how cultural backgrounds influence the perception of being single. For instance, Tamina Begum, a Muslim woman, faces societal pressures to marry, contrasting with others from different cultural or religious backgrounds who may find singlehood more acceptable.

Quote:
Nichola at [22:46]:
"She didn't want that... she didn't feel like she wanted to get married, and her parents accepted it."

Becoming a Mother While Single

Slauson's personal narrative includes her decision to become a mother as a single person. During the pandemic, she partnered with her gay best friend, Tom, to co-parent, eschewing traditional solo motherhood paths. She shares the supportive experiences she encountered within the healthcare system and the broader community.

Quote:
Nichola at [13:34]:
"We couldn't explain to anyone else. And when I gave birth, we weren't sure if those midwives would know... they read my article while I was trying to feed the newborn."

Navigating Milestones and Societal Expectations

Attending events like weddings can heighten feelings of isolation for singles. Slauson advises self-compassion, maintaining connections with other singles, and communicating openly with partnered friends to mitigate these emotions.

Quote:
Nichola at [24:36]:
"It's about being kind to yourself... and also, you know, make sure you take some time to maybe spend some time with some other single friends."

Advice on Rekindling Relationships

When faced with the temptation to rekindle past relationships, Slauson recommends reminding oneself of the reasons for the initial breakup, which often justify the choice to remain single.

Quote:
Nichola at [27:53]:
"You just need to remind yourself of the reason that you broke up in the first place. It was probably for a reason."

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Listener Interactions

Throughout the episode, Alison Stewart invites listeners to share their personal experiences with singlehood, resulting in several insightful calls:

Reggie from Brooklyn ([10:11])

Reggie, a gay man in his 50s, reflects on his journey to embracing single life. He finds fulfillment in non-traditional relationships and cherishes the ability to define the terms of his connections.

Quote:
Reggie:
"I'm sort of like the author in that I still see love in my future... being single, if you're open-minded, it lets you sort of create whatever you want it to be."

Rosalynn from Hoboken ([18:27])

Having recently ended an engagement, Rosalynn celebrates her decision to live single by choice. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity and self-empowerment.

Quote:
Rosalynn:
"When you feel it in your bones, you know what's right for you... I'm ready to live on my own terms."

Nancy from Manhattan ([19:04])

Nancy champions the positive aspects of single life, advocating for societal recognition and inclusion of single individuals without the stigma of pity.

Quote:
Nancy:
"We gotta make society recognize we shouldn't be pitied. We should be enjoyed and invited and included."

Dimani from Brooklyn ([19:43])

Dimani shares her strategies for self-love on Valentine's Day, highlighting the joy in treating herself and embracing her independence.

Quote:
Dimani:
"I'm on my own, and I'm loving it."

Deborah from Westchester ([26:21])

Deborah discusses coping with widowhood after 52 years of marriage. She appreciates her supportive friendships but acknowledges the profound change in her life.

Quote:
Deborah:
"It's just not the same when you don't have your person."

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Key Insights and Conclusions

This episode of "All Of It" underscores that singlehood, whether chosen or imposed, can be a source of empowerment and fulfillment. Building supportive communities, embracing self-love, and challenging societal norms are pivotal in navigating single life. Nicola Slauson's experiences and her book serve as a testament to living a complete life on one's own terms, celebrating independence while acknowledging the diverse paths individuals take.

Final Thoughts from Nicola Slauson:
"It's such an empowering thing to do to actually choose yourself... you don't have to be necessarily defensive. You can, you know, try and help other people to understand." ([20:28])

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Notable Quotes

• Nicola Slauson at [03:11]:
  "After a while I realized that actually some of the best times of my life had happened while I was single. And so I stopped feeling sort of shame about it."

• Reggie at [10:11]:
  "Being single, if you're open-minded, it lets you sort of create whatever you want it to be."

• Rosalynn at [18:27]:
  "When you feel it in your bones, you know what's right for you."

• Nancy at [19:04]:
  "We gotta make society recognize we shouldn't be pitied. We should be enjoyed and invited and included."

• Dimani at [19:43]:
  "I'm on my own, and I'm loving it."

• Nicola Slauson at [24:36]:
  "It's about being kind to yourself... and not, you know, beating yourself up."

• Nicola Slauson at [27:53]:
  "You just need to remind yourself of the reason that you broke up in the first place. It was probably for a reason."

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Conclusion

Through candid conversations and shared experiences, "All Of It" sheds light on the multifaceted nature of single life. Nicola Slauson's insights encourage listeners to embrace their individuality, foster supportive communities, and redefine societal expectations. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that living a complete life on one's own terms is not only possible but profoundly rewarding.

Transcript

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[WNYC Studios]

Listener Supported WNYC Studios.

[Alison Stewart]

This is all of It. I'm Alison Stewart live from the WNYC Studios in soho. Thank you for sharing part of your day with us. I'm really grateful that you are here on today's show. This Valentine's Day, we'll talk about dates, not the kind you find in OkCupid. A new cookbook called Hot Date celebrates the versatility of the date and offers ideas on how to cook with the chewy fruit at home.

[Nicola Slauson]

And it dives into its ancient history.

[Alison Stewart]

Saturday Night Live turns 50 this year and is celebrating all throughout the weekend. We'll look back at some of the best sketches of all time and we want you to call in with your favorites. Plus, we'll continue our big picture series with the composer behind the brutalist score. That's the plan. So let's get this started with Living Single. Today is Valentine's Day and while many people are cozying up to their significant others, there are those who are living life in the single lane. A new book titled Living a Complete life on your own Terms says, whether you end up being single for a day or a lifetime, or aren't even single at all, we all deserve to be liberated from toxic and deeply embedded attitudes towards our relationship status and what that does or doesn't mean about who we are and what our value is. Author Nicola Slauson wrote the book that acts as a guide for non partnered individuals while providing a candid reflection on a single life through personal narratives and conversations with others who are not partnered. Nicola talks about navigating friendships as people get married, managing finances with one person's income, and motherhood. Single Living a Complete Life on your own Terms is on shelves now in the US Author, journalist and creator of the single supplement newsletter, Nicola Slauson joins me now. Hi Nicola.

[Nicola Slauson]

Hi. Lovely to be on your show. Thanks so much for having me.

[Alison Stewart]

Thank you listeners. Are you single either by choice or circumstance? What do you enjoy about not being in a relationship? Or maybe there are times you wish you were dating someone. If so, why? Or why not? And if you are single and you have special plans for today, give us a call. Our number is 212-443-39692. That's 212433, WNYC. Or you can hit us up on social media at olivenyc. In your books, you talk about acknowledging and celebrating the 10th anniversary of you being single. When did you realize that you wanted to be single by choice?

[Nicola Slauson]

I'd actually just come out of a period of basically back to back heartbreaks. For a long time. I'd sort of been obsessed with the idea of getting a boyfriend when I was a teenager. And then I got into my 20s and had a series, series of relationships that all ended disastrously. And it just got to the point where I was like, okay, I need a bit of time on my own to learn to stand on my own two feet and figure out why I keep choosing the wrong man. And I sort of did some reflection. And I also watched this documentary called 35 and Single and the woman was a lot older than me, but she had a similar experience of going back to back relationships and she realized that actually she was being a commitment phobe because she wasn't ready for a relationship. It was a little bit of a light bulb moment for me because I was like, oh, actually that rings a bell for me. So I decided to sort of take myself off the dating market for a little bit and then what became sort of a temporary measure quickly sort of became less temporary and the years rolled by and I did have, you know, I have had flings and, you know, situationships and things, but I haven't called anyone my boyfriend since I think it was 2013. So it's quite a long time now. Um, so yeah, but after a while I realized that actually some of the best times of my life had happened while I was single. Um, and so I stopped feeling sort of shame about it.

You sent your very first newsletter, the Single Supplement, when you were about 35 years old. And it began with the line, it's my 35th birthday today and I have woken up alone.

[Alison Stewart]

Why did you want to tell us that?

[Nicola Slauson]

So I think that a lot of people would have read that line and felt, you know, maybe pity for me or sort of embarrassment that I was even admitting it. And actually on my 31st birthday, I was absolutely gutted to be single and wake up alone on my birthday. But by the time I hit 35, I felt absolutely fine about it. I had so much going on in my life with my career and my friends and doing lots of fun things and I just didn't feel like I had space, to be honest. The headspace even to sort of have a, have A relationship at that stage. So, yeah, that's why I started the newsletter like that. And obviously, hopefully, I thought it might resonate with other people who are also waking up alone, maybe on their birthday, because birthdays, you know, Christmas, other religious holidays, they can be times. Valentine's as well, they can be times when you sort of feel a bit more single than usual because, you know, everything around you sort of seems to be focused on couples or romantic love. So, yeah, I wrote that to sort of hope, in the hope that it might resonate with some of the. Some of the new readers of the newsletter.

[Alison Stewart]

Yeah, you have a Facebook group that has thousands of people, which is so interesting. How is the community you've created among singles evolved since that first newsletter?

[Nicola Slauson]

Yeah, so I started the newsletter in, I think it was September. No, it was October. My birthday's in October. October 2019. And obviously about, you know, less than six months later, the pandemic hit. And just before that, I'd started a Facebook group just to connect readers of the. Of the newsletter. Because I'm really interested in community and nurturing community and nurturing new friendships. That's just what I'm like anyway, in real life. But also it's something I've written about quite a lot in journalism, about social isolation and obviously if you're living alone or if you're single, you're more susceptible to that. So I wanted to create something where people could just chat and maybe even find new friends. And then the pandemic started and it became even more important. And because of the pandemic, I think word got out and I just had thousands of people joining and some of them, you know, have gone on to make really good friends in the group. Some of them only chat online. There's a group in London who meet up regularly to go to the theatre together, so it's amazing. But there's also lots of virtual friendships because there's people from literally all over the world in the group. And so it's amazing because there's nothing worse than feeling like if all your friends are in relationships or married and you're the only single one, you can sort of feel a little bit like a freak of nature. So I think it really helps to just be with other people, even if it's online, where you just feel less alone and you feel like they just get me, so I don't have to really explain myself or they just understand. So I think that's a really powerful thing.

Can you give me an example of something that you found fascinating from the perspectives of the people that you met in this, this community that you've developed online?

Oh, that's a really good question. I mean, there's, there's people from all walks of life. So I, I, I find it really interesting that there's a lot of people who are single by choice and they never want to find a partner. Whereas I, I am open to romantic love in the future. I'm happy and comfortable in the moment now, but I do see that in my future. But there are people, the researcher Bella de Paolo calls them single at heart. And they just know that they are happy on their own and they don't, they don't want to be with anyone else and they just feel like that's, that's them living their best life. And a lot of people in their life will be like, well, you'll change your mind or you're just kidding yourself. But they know for sure that they, they feel really comfortable and confident on their own. And so there's some people in the community that are very much like that. And actually they're, they're great for helping some of the younger ones feel a bit better about being single as well. So it's nice.

We're talking about being single this Valentine's Day with journalist and creator of the Single Supplement newsletter, Nicholas Lawson, whose new book is titled Single Living a Complete Life on your own terms. Listeners, are you single either by choice or circumstance? What do you enjoy about not being in a relationship? Or maybe you were thinking, I'd really like to date somebody. 2124-3396-9221-2433. WNYC. If you're single and you have special plans for today, give us a call and tell us what they are. 2124-3396-9221-2433-WNYC. Let's talk to Reggie from Brookly. You're on the air.

[WNYC Studios]

Hi. Thank you so much. I find this topic very interesting. I'm a gay man in my 50s. I really thought I would have been in a relationship, you know, 25, 30 years ago. When I turned 35 and that had not happened, I had to sit down and say, well, so maybe, you know, there's not a lid for every pot. And I just kind of realized that, you know, my friends are great, I can travel, I have all these things that I love to do. I'm sort of like the author in that I still see love in my future and I've had a long term relationship. But it is nice to Be able to create whatever rules you want with someone you're dating at the time. So for example, I dated someone recently, it didn't work out. But the thing that we really love to do is cuddle. And so we still get together probably once a week, we watch a movie and we cuddle. And it's very clear that this is what we do and we love each other in that way and it's very, not more so. I think being single, if you're, if you're open minded, it lets you sort of create whatever you want it to be.

[Nicola Slauson]

Reggie, thank you so much for calling in. Nicola. In the book, you highlight a moment at a yoga retreat when the mother of a 20 something woman who was feeling bad about her daughter being single asked you for advice and it sounded like the mom had issues with her child being single more than the child herself. So how do you navigate interactions with people in your life who assume that maybe you feel bad about single or they feel bad about having someone in their life who's single?

Yeah, that is quite common actually. I think even, you know, relatives of mine, even my parents, they would just love to see me, you know, have a big white wedding and just get married. They could just feel like, oh, she's okay. And I think that that just, that's, you know, part of their, their generation, you know, it was just seen as really important to find someone and get married. And so I do understand. But you know, at the same time it can get frustrating when you're at a family event and you get this, oh, you know, the times, you know, the clock's ticking, haven't you found someone yet? You get these kind of attitudes and you know, some, some of the people that I interviewed for the book, they've experienced that. And some of them, it was quite painful for them because they felt like, you know, their family members weren't really seeing who they were and weren't accepting what they were saying or just were judging them. But I didn't interview a writer called Tamina Begum and she said that she's struggling with this at the moment, but that she felt like it is her responsibility to help bridge the gap with older generations. So she tries to explain, instead of sort of being defensive, she just with love, sort of tries to explain, you know, what's, what the situation is at the moment for her, she's dating and she's finding it really difficult because, you know, online dating is so hard at the moment and she just explains it to them. And so I thought that was really Beautiful as well. You don't have to be necessarily defensive. You can, you know, try and help other people to understand when they just haven't experienced it themselves.

[Alison Stewart]

You've written about your decision to become a mother with the father is your gay best friend. What led you to decide to have a child?

[Nicola Slauson]

So, I mean, I've always wanted to be a mom and that was probably the only thing about being single that I didn't like. It was going to make it very difficult to become a mum. And so I, you know, I considered, you know, dating to find someone, but this was during the pandemic. So that made it difficult when I sort of realized I needed to take action because I'd turned 35 just before the pandemic. And then, yeah, I was turning 36. And obviously you're told that as a woman that your fertility is going to drop off a cliff at 35. So I suddenly felt this sort of panic, but I just felt it was too much pressure on a relationship and it just felt so awkward to try and bring up, you know, do you want kids? Because I've also got friends who've ended up with people and then they've later found out they actually don't want to be parents. So then I was looking into the solo motherhood with a sperm donor. And, you know, I know lots of people are doing that really successfully, but it's very costly and I would have had to save up a lot of money, which would have also eaten into my fertility years. Plus, I'm a daddy's girl. And I just, just love the idea of my baby having a dandy, to be honest. And I'd met a couple, a lesbian couple, a number of years before and they were platonically co parenting with their friend who was a gay man, and they actually asked him to be a donor and he said, actually, I want to be a dad. And I just thought, it's such a beautiful story. These children so loved, so wanted by not just the parents, but also all of the grandparents. And so I sort of kept the idea on the back burner. And then during the pandemic, I met Tom and we just hit it off straight away. And one of the first things we bonded over was the fact that all our friends have kids and so aren't available to hang out as much as we would have liked. And after a while, I sort of realized he'd make a really good dad. He's a single gay guy. He was looking into solo fostering or adoption. And so eventually I worked up the Courage to ask him. And now we have a beautiful 10 month old baby girl.

[Alison Stewart]

How was the experience navigating pregnancy in the healthcare system as someone who identifies as single?

[Nicola Slauson]

Yeah, that was really interesting actually, because we had an early scare, so I ended up at the emergency room and sort of blurted out to the doctor, you know, our situation, because he asked like, who Tom was and, and you know, afterwards Tom was like, you know, there's sometimes we don't have to explain. We could just, you know, we're partners in this so we could just call each other a partner. But when I registered that I was pregnant with the maternity services, we went to meet the community midwife and we explained to her and she just was so supportive and so great. And then we went to every appointment together because, you know, he was just as invested as me, of course, so. And it was on the notes so we didn't have to explain to anyone else. And when I gave birth, we actually weren't sure if those midwives would know. And then afterwards one of them asked how long we'd been friends for. And I just felt really emotional because I was like, you know, and she was like, yeah, we know. And I'd written an article for the Guardian and they read it while they were, while they were there. While I was trying to feed the newborn baby. I had the baby at home. I had a home birth. So it was really beautiful.

[Alison Stewart]

We're talking to Nicholas Lawson. She has written a book called Single Living a life of complete. Living a complete life on your own terms. We're talking about being single on this Valentine's Day. We'll get to your calls and more with Nicola after the break.

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[Alison Stewart]

You are listening to all of it on wnyc. I'm Alison Stewart. My guest is Nicholas Slauson. She wrote a book called Single Living a complete life on your own Terms. We're talking about it on Valentine's Day. Let's take a couple calls. Rosalynn is calling in from Hoboken. Hi, Rosalynn, thanks for calling. All of it.

[Caller]

Hey, thanks for having me. Yeah, So I ended an engagement three months ago. I just moved into my own place last week. And even though it's been a really, really challenging last few months, I know that it was, like, definitely the right choice for me. I feel really good about it, and I'm excited to spend this Valentine's Day single by choice.

[Alison Stewart]

You sound good about it.

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited. It's been. It's been hard, but, you know, when you feel it in your bones, you know what's right for you, you're ready to live on your own terms. And here I am.

[Alison Stewart]

Have a great day. Let's talk to Nancy from Manhattan. Hi, Nancy, you're on the air.

[Caller]

Hi. I. I'm gonna second that. I want to celebrate. I've been single for a long time, dating and in and out of relationships, but love my independence. And I like to say I'm not alone, I'm on my own. And that's how we should look at it. But the biggest thing is we gotta make society recognize we shouldn't be pitied. We should be enjoyed and invited and included. And it's kind of fun. It's just fun.

[Alison Stewart]

Thanks, Nancy. Let's talk to Dimani from Brooklyn. Hi, thanks for calling, all of it. You're on the air.

[WNYC Studios]

Hi.

[Caller]

Thanks for having me. I wanted to say happy Valentine's Day to everybody. I love the topic of this book. I've been single for quite some time, and on Valentine's Day, when I don't have a partner, I like to spread a little extra love on myself. I will either take myself to dinner, a fancy dinner, or have a dessert that I don't normally have, or do something kind to myself, maybe a massage, maybe a spa day. But, yeah, I take the time. I celebrate with everybody else. Even though I don't have a partner, I'm on my own, and I'm loving it.

[Nicola Slauson]

All right, thanks for calling in.

[Alison Stewart]

Nicola, did you want to respond to any of our callers?

[Nicola Slauson]

Oh, I'm just. I'm just so happy for them. And I think, you know, the first one, you know, she just felt like that wasn't right for her. And it is. It's really tough, especially when you break up with someone. But that's why I'm really passionate about breaking the stigma about around being single. Because I've seen people stay in relationships because they think being single is the very worst thing that can happen to somebody. And they've stayed in relationships that they're unhappy in. And so I think it's such an empowering thing to do to actually choose yourself. So I'd like to congratulate that listener.

Yeah, listeners, are you single either by choice or by circumstance? What do you enjoy about not being in a relationship? Or are there times when you wish you were dating one? Dating someone? Our number is 212-433-969-2212, wnyc. If you're single and you have special plans for today, tell us what they are. 212-433-969-2212, wnyc. Nicola, you spoke to older women who are single and some mentioned how much, how much life they have yet to live. And you included a woman named Jax Hill Wilson who's in her late 60s, and she's been single off and on since 2002. What's her story?

Yeah, that was, that was for an article I did for Positive News, and I included it in the book because I just thought it was such a great thing that she said, which was that she felt like she had at least 30 years left of life and so she needed to make the most of them and not sort of sit around, you know, wallowing about being on her own. And that was, you know, that's kind of the philosophy of the book as well. It's about not waiting for your life to start and not waiting to have a partner in order to do all the things that you want to do. You know, a partner might come along, but, you know, you shouldn't put your life on hold. You shouldn't feel like you're in a waiting room. And that's really why I included that because I felt like she really illustrated that. And also just because she was older as well and she just didn't think her life was over, she still wanted to squeeze as much life as possible out of the years that she had left. And I thought that was really inspiring.

[Alison Stewart]

In your research, did you find any cultural differences with how singlehood is viewed?

[Nicola Slauson]

Yeah, actually, I mentioned Tamina earlier. She's Muslim, and so there's a lot more pressure on her to find somebody. And she felt like a lot of, you know, people from her kind of background, if you're single past the age of 30, then, you know, alarm bells are going with the family members because they just, it's just not as accepted. So it's sort of more accepted for me than for her. But she still felt the same sort of way that I felt about being single. So there was still a lot of similarities. And then there were also Other people find it more difficult for different reasons. And there's a chapter in the book called Not All Single People Are Created Equal. And also, I interviewed somebody from India who started the very first single studies course at university. And she grew up in a community where the leaders of her religion had chosen to be single because they felt like that was the more spiritual way to live. And they tried to encourage more community living and more of a sort of living in a village, looking after each other kind of. Kind of thing. And when it was time for her to sort of try and find a husband, she realized that actually she. She didn't want that. And her parents accepted it, that they were. They're actually fine about that. And then she dedicated herself to studying single people and has now launched this course, which I thought was really interesting.

Let's talk about navigating milestones. You may see that so many of your peers are getting married. What advice would you give to someone struggling with that, that left behind feeling when it comes to milestones?

Yeah, that's a really familiar feeling for me. You know, you see. You see your friends, they. They might get engaged and move in together. Some of them move out into the suburbs if they, you know, if they were living in the city, get a dog, get engaged, get married, and. And you find yourself at their wedding, and you might be the only single person then. It's really difficult. And I just think that people should be kind to themselves because it's okay to feel low in those moments, like you can't feel positive about being single every day. It's just not possible. And I think it's okay to just, you know, look after yourself and. And also, you know, make sure you take some time to maybe spend some time with some other single friends or make a few new friends that you've got. Some people whose lives look a bit different that you can hang out with and feel less alone. But also I think it's about being honest with your friends and explaining that you have this feeling, you know, not in a sort of negative way, like you don't want them to be married, but just so they understand a little bit more. And some of them, you know, they might want to spend time away from their husbands to go on holiday and things like that. And sometimes we make assumptions. You know, we assume that they just want to spend time with their husbands or their married friends when actually they would love to hang out with you and just have a relaxing time with their friend that they've known for years. So, yeah, it's about Being kind to yourself, I think, and not, you know, beating yourself up.

[Alison Stewart]

Let's talk to Deborah, who is calling in from Westchester. Hi, Deborah, thank you so much for calling in. You're on the air.

[Caller]

Yes, thank you. I'm calling because I'm finding myself single in a different situation. I was happily married for 52 years and my husband passed away about a year and a half ago. And it's a whole new world that I never signed up for. I'm very lucky to have wonderful friends. I have not had the experience that some older women have had where married friends sort of desert someone who is single, who's widowed or divorced. But it's just not the same when you don't have your person.

[Nicola Slauson]

It's very true. Thank you so much for calling and sharing your story. You talk about that in the book, that not all singledom is the same.

No. Yeah. And I also spoke to people who'd lost. Lost their husbands as well. And. And that was a. Yeah, that was a really different perspective. And I think it's really important to highlight that as well because not all single people are single by choice. And I really wanted to make sure that the book reflected that as well and that even if it's not by choice, you can still find happiness and you can still find joy. And so that's why, yeah, I included a few interviews with people who are single and not by choice about the ways that they, you know, still try to find some kind of happiness and joy. And it's great that the caller had. Has lots of really good friends.

I know we've only got you for a minute more, so I want to ask the final question. How do you fight the urge to rekindle things with your ex?

That's such a good question. Oh, I've been in that situation when I realized my ex was moving on and I suddenly thought, oh, no, I don't like, you know, and I think that's just a natural thing where you think, no, surely maybe I've made a mistake. But I think you just need to remind yourself of the reason that you broke up in the first place. It was probably for a reason. And, you know, most people don't get back together and it's successful. It does happen, of course, but, you know, for the most reason, you broke up for a reason. So.

[Alison Stewart]

My guest has been Nicola Flossen.

[Nicola Slauson]

Her new book is titled Single Living a Complete Life on your Own Terms. Thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you for having me.

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