Podcast Summary: Anna Marie Tendler Opens Up About Her Time in a Psychiatric Hospital
Podcast: All Of It with Alison Stewart (WNYC)
Episode: Anna Marie Tendler Opens Up About Her Time in a Psychiatric Hospital (Mental Health Mondays)
Air Date: August 12, 2024
Episode Overview
This episode of "All Of It" focuses on artist and photographer Anna Marie Tendler’s experiences with mental health challenges, her voluntary stay in a psychiatric hospital, and the process of recounting these events in her memoir, Men have Called Her Crazy. The conversation, part of the series “Mental Health Mondays”, takes a frank, compassionate look at stigma, personal growth, and the interplay between art, trauma, and healing—with the goal of destigmatizing mental health struggles.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Recollecting Hospital Experiences
- Journaling as a Coping Mechanism
- Anna wrote daily details while in hospital, using a notebook instead of her phone, both to pass time and keep a record, not realizing it would later form the foundation for a memoir.
“A lot of it was just to pass the time...I could look back on this time and really remember it. I never thought that it would be turned into a book.” (01:57, Anna)
- Anna wrote daily details while in hospital, using a notebook instead of her phone, both to pass time and keep a record, not realizing it would later form the foundation for a memoir.
Surprises and Relief in Treatment
- Anna discusses her expectation of feeling “crazy” in the hospital, but instead discovered reassurance in the staff’s validation and the shared experience with other patients.
“When I arrived there and I started seeing the doctors, it was the first time in a while that I didn’t feel crazy...” (03:15, Anna)
Self-Harm and Disordered Eating
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Origins of Self-Harm
- Anna began self-harming at 14, describing it as a common response at that age for some girls and highlighting the difficulty of rationalizing it in retrospect.
“I can’t really explain it.” (04:20, Anna)
- Anna began self-harming at 14, describing it as a common response at that age for some girls and highlighting the difficulty of rationalizing it in retrospect.
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Shame and Continuation
- She elaborates on how shame featured in her self-harm, including concealing scars and not considering future consequences in acute crisis moments.
“I never had the...lucidity of looking forward. Those moments felt as if they would last forever...” (05:07, Anna)
- She elaborates on how shame featured in her self-harm, including concealing scars and not considering future consequences in acute crisis moments.
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Disordered Eating and Control
- Anna differentiates between eating disorders and disordered eating born from anxiety and a need for control, explaining a shift in her relationship to food once safely hospitalized.
“As soon as I got into the hospital...I didn’t have to control it anymore. I trusted that I would get the help that I was going to get. And...I never felt good not eating.” (06:21, Anna)
- Anna differentiates between eating disorders and disordered eating born from anxiety and a need for control, explaining a shift in her relationship to food once safely hospitalized.
Suicidal Ideation
- Anna shares how suicidal ideation began in her teens and returned later; she emphasizes the heaviness and sense of permanence that overshadows hope during those times.
“Everything feels permanent. Everything bad feels permanent. And that’s a really heavy, dark feeling.” (07:46, Anna)
Expressing Anger & Gender Expectations
- The memoir contains humor and moments of withheld anger, reflecting on how societal expectations, especially for women, push for diminished expression of anger.
“We’re taught to hold our anger back...We’re called crazy or aggressive...I didn’t quite have a constructive way to communicate my anger.” (09:25, Anna)
- She describes a cathartic moment mirroring her mother’s anger, realizing afterward that both had changed deeply since those fraught years.
“If I match her, is that a way to help her understand what it feels like from my side? And...it worked.” (10:59, Anna)
Gender Dynamics and Recovery
- Anna initially requested to be housed without men in the treatment facility, realizing later how arbitrary her expectation was once she saw the reality.
“After being there, I realized that I would have been 100% okay in the co-ed house.” (13:20, Anna)
Insights on Addiction
- Observing her housemates struggle with addiction brought perspective, helping her understand their humanity and resilience.
“You...see the human side of it. And...you realize how hard it is and how hard they’re working as well.” (14:28, Anna)
- An especially impactful moment came from an AA speaker’s story of overcoming trauma without relapse.
“You can go through a really difficult time and...stay healthy.” (15:36, Anna)
Medicalization and Missteps in Therapy
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Anna avoided reading her psychological evaluation report at first, later finding it both limited and at odds with her self-understanding—especially the sections informed by a male doctor.
“It felt to me as though it was a catalyzation of everything that I think is wrong with psychology as it relates to women.” (16:43, Anna)
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Anna describes the disappointing and abrupt rupture with her long-term therapist, Dr. Carr, which unsettled her sense of trust in clinical relationships. Other doctors’ concern validated her doubts.
“To have the other doctors sort of flag it...allowed me to trust my instincts that something was off.” (18:58, Anna)
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On Trusting Instincts in Therapy:
“If you feel that something is off, find a new therapist or bring it up with the therapist and see how they react.” (19:33, Anna)
Photography and Creativity as Healing
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After leaving the hospital, Anna began taking self-portraits as an assertion of existence and a way to channel emotion, especially amid pandemic isolation.
“It started as a practice to remind myself that I existed...it was a real healing practice.” (20:16, Anna)
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Art-making remains central to her coping and growth.
“Art has always been an outlet for me...it’s always been something I’ve gone back to when times are difficult.” (21:09, Anna)
Destigmatizing Hospitalization
- Anna hopes her memoir normalizes the experience of psychiatric hospitalization and encourages acceptance of seeking help, while also noting institutional limitations.
“There should be no stigma in it. If you need help, you need help...Give in to the experience...There’s no shame in asking for help if you need it.” (21:49, Anna)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On journaling in the hospital:
“I just wrote everything down...so that I could look back on this time and really remember it.” (01:57, Anna)
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On validation during treatment:
“It was the first time in a while that I didn’t feel crazy.” (03:15, Anna)
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On the permanence of suicidal ideation:
“Everything feels permanent. Everything bad feels permanent.” (07:46, Anna)
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On humor in mental illness:
“That was my hope, that people would also find the levity and the humor in it.” (09:17, Anna)
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On therapy falling short:
“There had been things...that made me wonder, is this normal? Is this within the bounds of normal patient doctor relationship?” (18:58, Anna)
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On art after hospitalization:
“It started as a practice to remind myself that I existed.” (20:16, Anna)
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On destigmatizing hospitalization:
“There should be no stigma in it. If you need help, you need help.” (21:49, Anna)
Important Timestamps
- 01:37 — Discussion on journaling and memory in the hospital
- 03:15 — Anna’s initial feelings checking into a mental health facility
- 04:20 — Origins of self-harm and adolescent struggles
- 05:07 — On shame and living in the moment of crisis
- 06:21 — Disordered eating and regaining control
- 07:46 — Dealing with suicidal ideation
- 09:25 — Suppression of anger and humor in dark times
- 10:59 — Confronting her mother’s anger
- 13:20 — Thoughts on men in treatment spaces
- 14:28 — Learning from others’ struggles with addiction
- 16:43 — Critique of psychiatric evaluation and missteps in care
- 18:58 — Disruptive end with therapist, importance of trusting instincts
- 20:16 — Art and self-photography as healing
- 21:49 — Hopes for destigmatizing hospitalization
Conclusion
This candid conversation with Anna Marie Tendler offers insight not only into her personal journey through acute mental health difficulties and institutional care, but also into broader issues of stigma, gender, and the transformative capacity of creativity. Anna balances vulnerability with humor and encourages listeners to seek help when needed, trust their own instincts, and recognize the value and limitations of psychiatric care.
For further connection:
Anna Marie Tendler’s memoir Men have Called Her Crazy is available now, and she continues to use her art as healing expression. She will give a live talk at McNally Jackson Soho, furthering the conversation around mental health in the community.