How to Behave During Wedding Season

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: All Of It (WNYC)
Episode: How to Behave During Wedding Season
Host: Kusha Navadar (in for Alison Stewart)
Guest: Nick Layton, co-host and producer of etiquette podcast "Were You Raised by Wolves?"
Date: April 3, 2024

This episode dives into the intricate world of wedding etiquette—from the stress and expectations faced by wedding couples to the unwritten (and written) rules governing guests. Whether you’re tying the knot, navigating family politics, or simply showing up as a guest, etiquette expert Nick Layton unpacks dos and don’ts with humor and candor, responding to questions and real-life dilemmas from listeners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Wedding Etiquette Matters (01:33)

• Kusha Navadar opens with personal context—being engaged and experiencing wedding pressures firsthand, from parental expectations to guest management.
• Emphasis on etiquette’s role in minimizing stress and maximizing enjoyment for all parties involved.

The Philosophy: Invitations, Obligations & Declining Gracefully

Wedding Invitations: Not an Invoice or Subpoena (03:36)

• “You are not obligated to show up for this event. You know, it is not required. It is not a subpoena. You can say no... It's not a ticket of admission.”
  — Nick Layton, 03:36

• Advice: If you need to decline, just say, “Thank you so much for the invitation. Unfortunately, I can't make it. All the best on your big day.” No excuses needed. Consider “cost-benefit analysis” if your decline may affect close relationships. (04:21)

Guest List Construction & Community Focus (05:16)

• Who to Invite: Start with who you want present to witness and support your marriage, and choose your venue based on that list—not the other way around. Don’t compromise meaningful attendance for a dream venue that excludes important people.
• On Disinviting: Never disinvite someone except in truly extreme, relationship-ending circumstances. “To disinvite somebody is one of the highest etiquette moments one can have… the consequences are so severe.”
  — Nick Layton, 06:53

The “Wedding Industrial Complex” (09:36)

• Caller Linda discusses the mounting pressure, cost, and obligations of modern weddings (“the wedding industrial complex”).
• Nick: Much of the stress and extravagance is unnecessary and not rooted in tradition. It’s fine—and often better—to scale back. Remember, “Don’t lose the forest for the trees.”

Notable Quote:

• “It is not actually some long tradition of human civilization that we have, you know, the bachelorette party with special hats in Nashville. That's not required.”
  — Nick Layton, 09:44

Family Dynamics & Guest List Disputes

Parental Expectations vs. Couple Autonomy (12:01)

• Caller Lisa’s Dilemma: Her daughter only wants to invite relatives she knows, causing awkwardness with cousins.
• Nick: A wedding is about uniting families, not just about the couple. Who pays for the wedding does NOT determine who gets invited. Polite, direct communication is essential between family members.

On Financial Contributions: (13:25)

• Financially contributing family members should not expect guest list control as strings attached to their gift. Keep those conversations separate.

Notable Quote:

• “Who pays for a wedding and who gets invited are kind of unrelated.”
  — Nick Layton, 12:02

Treating Friends/Family as People, Not Props (14:34)

• Avoid personalizing the event to the point of dictating what people wear, buy, or do; let them be themselves.
• “Rare outside of prisons is anybody given this much power to control what somebody eats, says, wears, does.”
  — Nick Layton, 14:34

RSVP & Plus-One Etiquette

The Outrage of the No-Show (16:41)

• “To say you're going to show up and then not show up is always rude… For a wedding, though, that's really the height.”
  — Nick Layton, 16:59

Plus-Ones & Kids:

• The names on the invitation dictate exactly who is invited. If your (or your children’s) names aren’t there, you/they are not invited.

Social Slipups: Accidental Invites and Dress Codes

Verbal Invitations are Binding (18:07)

• If you blurt out an invite, you’re on the hook—hope your colleague declines, but you’re expected to honor the offer.

Dress Codes Decoded (18:47)

• Only “black tie” is reliably clear. Other codes like “Fancy Ranch” are ambiguous; hosts should aim for clarity to ease guest anxiety.

Wedding Speeches: Keep It Brief & Appropriate

Cringe-worthy Toasts (19:36)

• Avoid stories about drunken escapades; keep speeches to 90 seconds, focus on moments, not lifespans or long-winded anecdotes.

Common Faux Pas & Handling Hurt Feelings

Biggest Faux Pas: (20:52)

• “Stealing the flowers… Those are not for you to take unless you're invited.”
  — Nick Layton, 20:52
• Why? “Because you’re stealing.” (21:04)

If You or Your Kids Weren’t Invited: (22:12)

• You can “hold a grudge forever,” adjust your warm feelings or the gift accordingly, but remember: not everyone can be invited to everything.

Guiding Principle: (22:36)

• “Don't lose the forest for the trees.” Focus on the core purpose: making a promise, merging families, and celebrating with loved ones.

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Notable Quotes

• “You are not obligated to show up for this event. It is not a subpoena.” — Nick Layton (03:36)
• “To disinvite somebody is one of the highest etiquette moments that one can have.” — Nick Layton (06:53)
• “It is not actually some long tradition… that we have, you know, the bachelorette party with special hats in Nashville. That's not required.” — Nick Layton (09:44)
• “Rare outside of prisons is anybody given this much power to control what somebody eats, says, wears, does.” — Nick Layton quoting Miss Manners (14:34)
• “To say you’re going to show up and then not show up is always rude. For a wedding, though, that’s really the height.” — Nick Layton (16:59)
• “Stealing the flowers. Those are not for you to take unless you’re invited.” — Nick Layton (20:52)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Topic | |-----------|-------| | 01:33 | Introduction to wedding etiquette & upcoming wedding season | | 03:36 | Obligations around invitations—“not a subpoena” | | 04:21 | Declining invitations gracefully | | 05:16 | Guest list construction—community focus | | 06:53 | Disinviting someone—why not to do it | | 09:36 | The “wedding industrial complex”—caller Linda | | 12:01 | Family vs. couple guest list debate—caller Lisa | | 13:25 | Should paying mean you control the guest list? | | 14:34 | Don’t treat people as props—personalization pitfalls | | 16:41 | The crime of RSVP no-shows | | 17:32 | Plus-ones and kids—reading the invitation | | 18:07 | Accidental invitations—verbal contracts | | 18:47 | Dress codes—what do they mean? | | 19:36 | Best man speeches—avoid embarrassing stories; keep it short | | 20:52 | Common faux pas—stealing flowers | | 22:12 | Not being invited/kids not being invited—move on or grudge? | | 22:36 | Big picture advice—focus on what matters |

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Overall Takeaways

• Be thoughtful about your invitations and guest list—prioritize people over Pinterest dreams.
• Guest etiquette: RSVP responsibly, respect the invitation’s guest list, and dress as requested.
• Communicate directly and early with family or friends about expectations and contributions.
• Dial back the pressure—forget the “wedding industrial complex” and focus on celebrating union.
• For both hosts and guests: Keep perspective, aim for kindness, and don’t sweat the small stuff (including mismatched napkins or sparkly shirts).

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Episode Mood & Tone

The conversation is candid, witty, and often light-hearted, even when addressing complicated emotions and etiquette crises. Nick Layton offers practical, non-judgmental advice, consistently reminding listeners to focus on the meaning behind the event rather than societal pressures or performative traditions.

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This summary encapsulates all content-rich sections of the episode, providing a comprehensive guide to wedding season etiquette—valuable for listeners and non-listeners alike.

Transcript

[Uncle]

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[Nick Layton]

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[McDonald's Employee]

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[Uncle]

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[Uncle]

Listener supported WNYC studios.

[Kusha Navadar]

You're listening to WNYC. I'm Kusha Navadar in for Alison Stewart, who's on medical leave. Guess what? It is officially spring, which means we've entered wedding season. And hey, I happen to be a part of the season because I am getting married in May and I can't wait. But. But along with the joys of getting married also comes the pressure from parents, expectation of guests, managing wedding parties and planning stress. And for guests, there are unwritten rules about things like wedding gifts, what to wear, bringing kids, and a lot more. I can tell you it is something that keeps you up at night and it's great to have a partner who's in it with you. So shout out to Elise. So let's talk about some wedding do's and don'ts from both sides of the aisle. The Wedding Aisle with Nick Layton, co host and producer of the etiquette podcast Were youe Raised by Wolves? Nick and his co host Leah Bonima are recording their show live in front of an audience at City Winery on Sunday at 3pm you can grab your tickets now, but first Nick joins me to discuss all things weddings. Nick, I am Thrilled to have you here.

[Nick Layton]

Oh, this is such a treat. And those rules, they're actually written down? Yes.

[McDonald's Employee]

Yeah.

[Nick Layton]

They're not unwritten.

[Kusha Navadar]

Wonderful.

[Nick Layton]

Written down.

[Caller]

If.

[Kusha Navadar]

If you're a listener right now and you're wondering, where are those rules written down? Or, hey, what are those rules? Listeners, we want to hear from you. What questions do you have about wedding etiquette? Maybe you yourself committed a faux pas at some point during a wedding season, or you want to share something someone did at your wedding that struck you the wrong way. Or maybe you just want some advice on a tricky wedding situation. We're talking all things wedding etiquette. You can hit us up. Call, call, text. 212-433-9692. That's 212-433. W, N, Y, C. We'd love to hear from you. So, Nick, let's start first with the one side of the aisle, which is the engaged couple. And then we'll talk about the wedding guest etiquette. So for the couples, you say a wedding invitation is neither an invoice nor a subpoena. What do you mean by that?

[Nick Layton]

That's a famous sort of paraphrase of Miss Manners, Judith Martin. And I think it's as true today as when she first wrote it. And, yeah, you are not obligated to show up for this event. You know, it is not required. It is not a subpoena. You can say no. And this idea that, like, oh, this is now an invoice. I have to now pay some dollar amount. It's a ticket of admission. This is also not true. So I think if we think about this event not in that way, I think it's a much more pleasant experience.

[Kusha Navadar]

There is an emotional turmoil that folks go through when they receive this wedding invitation where they're like, how do I say no? Or, like, what? How bad would it be? This sense of obligation. So. So what do you suggest people do with that feeling when they think, oh, can I actually go to this wedding or not?

[Nick Layton]

Well, these days, it's so easy to say no because it's all online and it's just a checkbox and, okay, and that's the end of it. So most of the time, you don't have to give an excuse. In fact, it's better if you don't. Just, thank you so much for the invitation. Unfortunately, I can't make it all the best on your big day. End of story. Now, certainly, we have relationships where declining could be a little provocative, where, okay, you know, you could still decline and just know that, you know, etiquette decisions have etiquette consequences. So it may affect your relationship in the future, but you still don't have to go. Just know that, yeah, if this is your best friend of 40 years and you've decided you just don't want to go to their wedding because you want to stay home and watch a rerun of M A S H, then, yeah, they may be a little bothered. And, yeah, you may not get invited to their house in the near future.

[Kusha Navadar]

If you really like mash, it's okay.

[Nick Layton]

You know, that finale, you know, it's good. But there are consequences. So you just have to do cost benefit analysis. But generally speaking, you can decline, no excuses required.

[Kusha Navadar]

How about for assembling the guest list, what considerations should be made? How much are you obligated to invite relatives that you might not want to?

[Nick Layton]

Well, I'll be curious to see how you did it for your upcoming wedding. But I think we've been doing it backwards. I think the way to think about it is who. Who do you want there? Who is important on this day? Because the idea of a wedding is that you're gonna make a promise to somebody and you wanna be held accountable for that promise in front of your community. And so who do you want there to hold you accountable and then to celebrate? And so I think we wanna think of that list first and who is on that list and what can they afford, what can they do? And then we figure out, where can we have this event that can accommodate that list? I think so often we think, oh, I really want to have the castle of my dreams wedding in Provence. And we'll just book that and then we'll figure out who. Yeah, if you have an elderly relative who has mobility issues and can't go up 4,000 stairs, they're not gonna come. And so you could just decide, yeah, we don't want them there. We want the castle, not our relative.

[Kusha Navadar]

Our process was similar to that. We're getting married in New Orleans. Okay. And we decided on that after, to your point, thinking a little bit about the community that we wanted and what worked for them. So I'm happy to hear you say that. We were also pretty jazzed about New Orleans, if you'll excuse the pun intended. So, yes. So I think we're a little bit of one foot in both sides of the aisle, so.

[Nick Layton]

But you know that when you're having a destination wedding that some people just can't go. And so hopefully anybody who declined, you're not likely to hold it against them.

[Kusha Navadar]

Yeah. One quick element of that, not for myself necessarily, but for anyone listening here. Is it okay to ever disinvite someone to your wedding?

[Nick Layton]

No. You don't even have to finish that sentence. No, I mean, let's put it this way. Etiquette decisions like that are very serious. To disinvite somebody is one of the highest etiquette moments that one can have. I mean, the consequences are so severe. I mean, that does such damage to a relationship. So if this person did something horrible where, like it doesn't come out of left field for them, like it's like, oh, yeah, no, I did this horrible thing to you and you're gonna disinvite me to your wedding. That makes sense. Then, okay, sure. You can disinvite knowing that that's the end of that relationship. It is very difficult to invite someone and then say, oh, by the way, eh, I changed my mind.

[Kusha Navadar]

That makes a lot of sense. We're talking to Nick Layton, who's co host and producer of the podcast were you raised by wolves? I love saying that line. By the way, it' a great title. There's a live show at City Winery on Sunday at 3pm Listeners, we're taking your questions about wedding etiquette. Do you have questions about being a guest or being a person getting married and trying to invite guests? Or do you have a story you'd like to share? Give us a call. We're at 212-433-9692. And Nick, we've got a caller now. We have Linda in Homedale, New Jersey. Hey Linda, welcome to the show.

[Caller]

Oh, thank you. Thanks for having me on.

[Kusha Navadar]

Absolutely. What's your story or question?

[Caller]

Well, my story is that I am the mother of the bride, mother of the groom, mother of the groom, three children, three weddings, all in 2024. And one has already happened. One is next month and the final one is in August. And it's been a bit of a roller coaster. I love my future daughter in laws, son in law and my children, but it's just been a little bit of anxiety of listening to and helping them go through the process, which of course is not just the wedding day. It starts with the engagement, goes to the bachelor bachelorette parties, goes to the bridal showers, rehearsal dinner, brunch, after all the events, locations, clothing, can't forget about that. And people needing to figure out dates, times, all of that. And I have to hand it to my kids, I think as young adults in their 30s, it's an incredibly stressful time for them. And they all seem to be Handling it well, I don't know how I would have done it 36 years ago, but I applaud this group of young adults in coping with what is, to me, what do we call this?

[Howie]

The wedding industrial complex.

[Caller]

The wedding industrial complex. And I'll take comments off the air. Thanks for having me on.

[Kusha Navadar]

Thanks, Linda. And thanks, Howie. I suppose, who is in the background there. Love that tag team effort. And congratulations on all the weddings coming up. Yeah, Nick, go ahead.

[Nick Layton]

Yeah, I was just thinking three weddings. I mean, that's so many Jordan almonds. I just worry for your teeth. But it is true. It's a lot of stress. It's a lot of stress, but it does not actually have to be this way. Like, the wedding industrial complex has made us all feel that all of these things are actually, like, obligatory things. And it is not true. It is not actually some long tradition of human civilization that we have, you know, the bachelorette party with special hats in Nashville. Like, that's not required. Like, that's not a mandatory thing. So, yeah, I think we have brought this upon ourselves, but I think it's perfectly fine to actually scale it back and sort of remember the forest for the trees, which is like, oh, what was this about again? Oh, right. Yeah. We're actually like, there's a solemn ceremony that's happening and then a celebration. So I worry for people who feel the pressure and feel like they have to do certain things in order for it to count, because I don't think that's true.

[Kusha Navadar]

I think your point about don't lose the forest for the trees is definitely easier said than done sometimes. But the vision for what needs to happen, because you're right, it is about the ceremony, and everything falls from that. The ceremony being the connection between the.

[Nick Layton]

Two people being celebrated. And I think also what's happened is because we are often guests more than we're getting married, that we. We go through our lives and we're basically extorted at each event. And when it comes our turn, we're like, well, I was extorted at every one of those events. And now it is my turn in some sort of cosmic grand ledger to get paid back and reimbursed for everything I spent on everybody else's weddings. And so then there is this sense of, like, oh, I need to make sure that we, like, cash out while we can. And this leads to some trouble.

[Kusha Navadar]

Let's go to Lisa from Montclair, New Jersey. Hi, Lisa. Welcome to the show.

[Caller]

Hi.

[McDonald's Employee]

Thanks for taking my call. My question is. So my daughter's getting married. And she has said to me, well, I'm only inviting your relatives that I know. So I have a bunch of first cousins. And she's inviting. There were three brothers. She's inviting one, but not the other two because she didn't know them growing up. I said, you can't do that because they weren't. I was invited to their kids weddings. So I don't know how to manage that with her because. I get it. I understand. Right. She says, I have friends who aren't bringing their significant others because I don't have space, so why would I invite them?

[Kusha Navadar]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Nick Layton]

Yeah, well, this is her day, so, yeah, this is a flawed thinking because this marriage is not about her. It's actually about bringing families together. And you are part of that family. And your relationships also matter. And it is not uncommon, though, what you're experiencing where somebody getting married says, like, oh, I'm in complete control of the guest list. And, you know, that's the end of the story. And often the justification is, well, I'm paying for this wedding myself, and so I don't have to do anything. Sometimes a parent contributes, and so then they feel like, oh, well, I get some guest spots, but none of that matters. Who pays for a wedding and who gets invited are kind of unrelated.

[Kusha Navadar]

Right. And, Lisa, thank you so much for that call. And it makes me wonder, Nick, what are some polite ways to talk to your family about how much or how little you want them to be involved?

[Nick Layton]

Well, I think you want to start early, so I think we want those conversations early. And polite, yet direct, I think is always sort of the way to go with any etiquette problem, which is like, okay, I'm the mom. I say, you know, it is important that these people are invited because they're important to me. And I think it would be nice if they can be part of this big day and then hear why we can't invite them. You know, like, what is the reason why we can't have these people there? And if they're like, well, we can't afford it, well, then we come back to that original point, which is, let's start with the guest list first and then figure out, you know, what kind of party we can have for that guest list.

[Kusha Navadar]

You had mentioned finances. So if your family is contributing financially to your wedding, does that give them more of a say?

[Nick Layton]

I mean, people feel like it should. I feel like anytime we're trying to attach strings to the gift, that leads to trouble. Not that. That is not how that often goes down. But, yeah, I think, you know, if you want to give a gift to support a party, that's great, but I think we cannot expect things for that gift. And then if we want to invite important family members, then that's a separate conversation. I don't think we want to actually blend those conversations.

[Kusha Navadar]

Yeah, right. So we're talking to Nick Layton from the podcast. Were you raised by wolves? And we're talking listeners about the etiquette at weddings, whether it's planning it. If you are getting married or you're in the family or if you are attending, give us a call. We're at 212-433-9692. We'd love to hear your questions. One quick suggestion, actually, one request. If you're gonna call, be sure that you're not driving. Pull off to the side. Take some time. No calling us while driving. Thank you so much. And, Nick, what you were just about with how to interact with your family brings up another thing that I've heard you say, which is don't use your family and friends as props for photos or cast them as characters in a play. Very provocative. What did you mean by that?

[Nick Layton]

Well, I think we all have this notion of, like, oh, what the wedding should look like. And what's sort of interesting to me is that there's this emphasis on personalization, that this is my day. This is our. Our initials are all over matchbooks and paper napkins, and I'm gonna make sure all the bridesmaids are in matching colors. And it's sort of like my signature color. And by personalizing it, quote unquote, we've actually depersonalized everybody else. We've told people what they can wear. We've told them how they can spend their money on the gifts. We've told them all of these things. You know, like, Miss Manners has a great quote where she says, like, rare outside of prisons is anybody given this much power to control what somebody eats, says, wears, does. So I feel like we want to make sure we give people sort of the freedom to be themselves because, like, you've the best man, the bridesmaid. You've selected them because they're your friend, hopefully, and you like them because they're individuals. And so, like, trust that they're gonna look nice. Just trust that they're gonna look nice. And even if they don't, it's just one day. Does it really matter? When you think back at 20 years of this day, like, is the fact that, you know, Lisa wore, you know, a sparkly top. That wasn't your taste. Like no one's going to care.

[Kusha Navadar]

We have Kevin in Colorado. Hey, Kevin. Welcome to the show.

[Nick Layton]

Hey.

[Howie]

Hey, how you doing? My sister's got six kids. One son and the rest are daughters, two of which are not married. However, my son invited her and a number of her kids to his destination wedding, invited all of them to his destination wedding, and most of the kids attended. When my daughter. When my cousin. When my sister's daughters started getting married, they invited him and his wife to their weddings, she did not show. So there was, like, an empty plate.

[Nick Layton]

Oh, she just didn't show. It wasn't that. She did an RSVP.

[Howie]

Oh, no, he RSVP'd.

[Nick Layton]

Oh, that's a high etiquette crime.

[Kusha Navadar]

Oh, wow, Kevin, thank you so much for that, for bringing that up. That's very provocative, and it kind of reminds me of the idea of plus ones or just how to deal with folks who might want to bring folks who maybe aren't welcome. What should you expect to receive as a plus one, Nick? And if you don't receive one, how should you handle it?

[Nick Layton]

Well, let's talk about RCPs in general. So to say you're going to show up and then not show up is always rude. No matter what it is. For a wedding, though, I mean, that's. That's really the height. I mean, it doesn't get worse than that because now you've inconvenienced them, but also they've lost money, so that's. That's not good. But basically, the rule is the names on the invitation are the people that are invited. So if there is not a name on that invitation, they are not invited. So if it does not say your actual name or. And guest or have the names of your children, they are not invited. And sorry about it, I was gonna ask.

[Kusha Navadar]

That applies to kids, too.

[Nick Layton]

They have names. And if those names are not on that envelope, fair enough. They're not coming.

[Kusha Navadar]

Fair enough. Let's go to Bob in Brooklyn. Hey, Bob, welcome to the show.

[I]

Hi. I have an etiquette question. My wedding is this fall, and I was at a work drinks event a couple weeks ago, and I just blurted out to a work colleague, oh, come to my wedding. And I'm wondering if there's a polite way to rescind that invite, because my fiance has never met this person and has no interest in having a random work colleague at our small wedding.

[Nick Layton]

It was an invitation. I think that is a verbal contract that is unfortunately binding. But your colleague will hopefully have the good sense to graciously decline if they also feel the same. So I think you do need to extend an invitation, and you don't have to give them a plus one. And, yeah, either they'll show up or they won't. But I think you've learned a valuable etiquette lesson.

[Kusha Navadar]

Bob, thank you so much for that call. And it makes me think of, once you're actually at the wedding, what you're going to wear. Because you had mentioned before, don't sweat too much about what your best friend, best man wears. But what if you are the person attending, for instance, black tie, semi formal. How do you read these lines and understand what to actually wear?

[Nick Layton]

Well, black tie is clear. Society has agreed to what that means. Semi formal, you know, a cocktail, festive, Fancy Ranch. All we know, whatever these things means. Yes, those are confusing dress codes. And the whole point of a dress code is to actually make it easier on your guests so that they know what to expect. And so when you do something weird like Fancy Ranch, which is a real dress code I have seen on weddings.

[Kusha Navadar]

Sounds like a food item, almost Fancy Ranch.

[Nick Layton]

I don't know. Yeah, maybe you should dress as a Hidden Valley spokesperson, but you should participate. And the idea that, like, oh, being forced to dress up is sort of like, violates my. My rights. And that's not what that is. Like, you should participate. You should look nice. You should just agree to the dress code and agree to the formality.

[Kusha Navadar]

We've got time for just one more quick call. Let's go to Anna in Montvale. Hi, Anna. Welcome to the show.

[Caller]

Thank you. I have a question about etiquette. The last few weddings I have been to, when the best man gets up to make the toast, I start to cringe because for some reason, these guys think it's okay to talk about how drunk they used to get with the groom. Do they honestly think that the bride wants to hear this or that the father of the bride wants to hear that?

[Kusha Navadar]

And thank you so much for that question. Is that a good move?

[Nick Layton]

If you give a speech? What am I supposed to say? Yeah, yeah, you should absolutely do that. Yes, of course. No, I mean, it's horrible. And yes, these toasts or speeches, yes, they're way too long. They're not focused. I think if you are asked to give a toast or a speech, remember that a speech is a story which needs a beginning, middle, and an end. And 90 seconds. You could really get a lot in 90 seconds. The idea that it needs to be more than that is sort of bonkers. So that's my advice.

[Kusha Navadar]

How do you actually go about fitting your whole relationship with someone into 90 seconds? Any tips for.

[Nick Layton]

You don't have to. The idea of a great speech is to focus on moments. It's not a chronology. So what are several moments that sort of bring us to here today? And we just go from emotional moment to emotional moment and then we have a nice close, and that's a great speech.

[Kusha Navadar]

What do you think is the most common faux pas that guests commit when they go to weddings?

[Nick Layton]

Stealing the flowers. Those are not for you to take unless you're invited. Like, don't steal those.

[Kusha Navadar]

And this is something common that people do. I don't think I've ever. Yeah, they steal a flower. And tell me, why is that a faux pas?

[Nick Layton]

Like, well, because you're stealing.

[Kusha Navadar]

Okay, fair enough. Do people often use flowers after the wedding?

[Nick Layton]

Well, I mean, if you're at a nice banquette table and there's a nice flower arrangement and a nice vase and you feel like, oh, the wedding's over, so what are they gonna do with it? Yeah, people are walking out with these things and it's sort of like, oh, no, the florist needed those back and now everybody gets a big charge. Yeah, no, it's rude to steal.

[Kusha Navadar]

And have you ever been to a wedding where you felt like you had to help out with what was going on? And how should folks navigate that element when they see, oh, I can be a helpful hand here.

[Nick Layton]

I mean, I certainly have gotten a glass of water for the groom, you know, on a hot day as they were like about to take photos. But as a guest, I don't necessarily want to insert myself into like their day. Like, if I, if I need to help, I'm happy to help. But like, rare, rare, would I be helpful?

[Kusha Navadar]

We just got a text that says my husband's brother's son was getting married. They invited all the cousins except for my children. My husband didn't want to say anything or make waves, but we were invited, so we went. But my kids weren't included and I didn't know what to do. What should I have have done? Any quick wrap up ideas there?

[Nick Layton]

Well, you're welcome to hold a grudge forever, so that's fine. And yeah, I think you just could reflect that in the gift you give and sort of the warm feelings that you have towards them if you want, but otherwise you just know that not everybody can be invited to everything. And just at the end of the day, it wasn't personal, it was just like they had a list and like they didn't make the cut and that was the end of it.

[Kusha Navadar]

And so it sounds like a lot of this for you. The term they used before, don't lose the forest for the trees, seems to be a good guiding principle.

[Nick Layton]

Yeah. If you just remember what this is about, which is like, oh, I'm making a promise to somebody. I'm merging families to celebrate that moment with people I care about. And it doesn't matter if there's mahi mahi or not. That's all it really needs to be. And then you'll have a great party.

[Kusha Navadar]

This was us talking to Nick Layton, the co host and producer of Were youe Raised by Wolves? There's a live show of the podcast at City Winery on Sunday at 3:00pm Nick, thank you so much for coming on.

[Nick Layton]

This is such a treat. Thanks so much.

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