All Of It with Alison Stewart (WNYC)

Episode Summary: Investigating How People Make the Decision to Have Kids, Or Not

Date: March 10, 2026
Guest: Jen Ortiz – Deputy Editor at The Cut

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the personal, societal, and political complexities surrounding the decision to have children—or not. Host Alison Stewart speaks with Jen Ortiz, deputy editor at The Cut, about their new essay series “Oh Baby,” which highlights the spectrum of experiences, regrets, and motivations behind becoming or not becoming a parent. Listeners join in with raw, candid stories, adding nuance to this universal, yet often unspoken, decision-making process.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Premise of “Oh Baby”

• Goal of the Series: To showcase the diverse, often contradictory factors people weigh when considering parenthood, including finances, career, relationships, culture, and personal desires.
• Timeliness: Though evergreen, the current climate—marked by political uncertainty and societal shifts—makes the discussion especially resonant now.
  • “People are always making this decision. But, you know, the world is especially scary right now.” — Jen Ortiz (06:03)

Topics Often Overlooked in Parenting Conversations

• Regret: A taboo subject, rarely discussed publicly.
  • The series features women acknowledging grief for their pre-motherhood selves alongside fierce love for their children.
    • “It’s not a question of whether or not they love their kid... but how they just feel about themselves and…the version of themselves that they were before motherhood.” — Jen Ortiz (08:05)
• Single Motherhood by Choice: The process, preparations, and emotional labor involved in solo parenting.

Identity and Motherhood

• Loss of Former Identity: For many parents, especially mothers, parental responsibilities subsume other aspects of identity.
  • “You can’t sort of divide your identity from parenthood... this is who I am.” — Jen Ortiz (09:11)

Decision-Making Factors

• Financial & Structural Concerns: Cost, lack of support, and the immense logistical burden weigh heavily.
• Changing Relationships & Support Networks: Shifting norms, fewer support systems, and the myth of “it takes a village.”
  • “There is no village. There’s just you.” — Nima Patel (Caller, 11:10)

Regret, Happiness, and Honest Conversations

• Space for Honesty: Online forums like Reddit provide judgment-free zones for parents to discuss conflicting feelings about parenthood, regret, or ambivalence.
  • “The more you talk about it, the less scary it is to bring up and the more you realize you’re part of a community…” — Jen Ortiz (19:40)

Societal & Political Backdrop

• Impact of Roe v. Wade Overturning: The new landscape of reproductive rights has heightened anxieties, especially in states with restricted access.
  • “If you live in a state where abortion care is not accessible, then…pregnancy care in a sense is not accessible either.” — Jen Ortiz (17:41)
• Media & Representation: How stories and depictions in entertainment empower women to imagine life without children as a legitimate choice.

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

On the Weight of the Decision

• “You’re judged for every decision that you make when it comes to your child... it’s scary to worry how others might see you or perceive you as a parent if you complain about anything or if you, you know, maybe doubt something.” — Jen Ortiz (19:40)
• "Any choice that you make is going to give you some benefits and great stuff and some things you're not going to get to do." — Amy from Montclair (23:39)
• "I just always thought it was such BS because I could imagine the hell out of my life without my children. I love my children...but I can absolutely imagine the sliding doors version." — Jessica from Brooklyn Heights (18:41)
• "My body didn’t belong to her, her time didn’t belong to her, her attention and her interest, nothing belonged to her anymore..." — Hillary from Upper East Side recounting her sister-in-law's experience (24:55)

On Social Structure, Support and Gendered Expectations

• "If you do not have [a maternal instinct], I don't see why anyone would just do it for the sake of competition." — Nima Patel, New Jersey (11:10)
• "There is no village. There’s just you...very little support." — Nima Patel (11:10)
• "I’m a surgeon...and you can do it. Yes, you need good, reliable help." — Deborah from West Orange, NJ (13:21)
• “For women, we…think about our bodies, we think about our future because we get our periods or we don’t get them, whatever it might be… For men, it’s never part of the conversation.” — Alex from Philly (28:03)

On Regret and Identity

• "There’s a sort of grief…for the version of themselves that they were before they had children.” — Jen Ortiz (08:05)
• “It’s neither first nor second. It’s just sort of like, this is who I am.” — Jen Ortiz, on identity and parenthood (09:11)

On Societal Pressures and Changing Minds

• "Not having children and staying in New York City… have been the major reasons all my adult relationships have ended. Still, no regrets." — Text message from listener (20:38)
• "One person really wants a kid and the other one doesn’t…there’s no kind of middle ground there." — Jen Ortiz (21:46)

On Global & Political Concerns

• “Are you as concerned about the declining health of the planet, of the end of democracy, of so many other things that…will continue to impact us for years to come?” — Jen Ortiz (26:42)

Listener Stories – A Snapshot

[11:10] Nima Patel: Had child at 45; highlights loss of “village,” lack of support, the immense emotional and financial load; people shouldn't do it just because it's expected.
[13:21] Deborah: Surgeon with three successful children; says it's a big commitment but possible with good help.
[14:03] Carl: Unplanned parent to nephew on autism spectrum; administrative challenges and the impact on his health.
[22:54] Nancy: Chose not to have kids due to her and her husband’s careers as musicians; remains content with decision.
[23:39] Amy: Emphasizes that both choices (having kids or not) require compromise; neither is a “perfect” path.
[24:55] Hillary: Sister-in-law’s postpartum experience influenced her own decision to remain childless.
[28:02] Alex: Never wanted biological kids but open to family; discusses gender differences in how future/parenthood is socialized.

Community, Honesty, and Unresolved Feelings

• The online “community effect”: Safe spaces like Reddit or niche blogs are crucial for parents (and nonparents) to confide the complexities, regrets, and joys of their decisions without fear of judgment (19:40).
• Changing narratives: More people are open about regret, not just joy, enabling a broader understanding of what parenthood really means.
• No one right answer: The series and call-ins both reinforce that every family and individual must navigate their own balance between gain and loss. As Amy from Montclair says, “There’s Always going to be something that balances out… you’re going to lose something and gain something.” (23:39)

Conclusion – Takeaways from the Series

• Decision Complexity: There’s rarely a clear or easy pathway—choices about children are deeply personal and shaped by social, political, and economic realities.
• Societal Shift: It’s becoming more acceptable—and vital—to talk honestly about regret, indecision, societal pressure, and fulfillment.
• Personal Tools: From self-help workbooks to candid peer forums, people are searching for ways to process and accept their decisions.
• Ultimate Message: Parenthood (or not) is a life-altering choice, and no single answer or approach fits all. The more we talk about it, the more we understand each other.

Selected Timestamps

• [05:30] – Purpose and formation of “Oh Baby” series
• [08:05] – Discussion of maternal regret and loss of previous self
• [11:10] – Listener Nima on support systems and the reality of motherhood
• [14:03] – Listener Carl on unplanned parenthood and its challenges
• [17:41] – Impact of reproductive rights/politics on parenting decisions
• [18:41] – Jessica on generational norms and imagining life without kids
• [20:38] – Listener texts on both ends of the spectrum: fulfillment and contentment as a mother or by being childfree
• [22:54] – Nancy, lifelong decision to not have children
• [24:55] – Hillary’s family experience influencing her own decision
• [26:42] – Conversation about climate, the future, and bringing children into the world
• [28:02] – Alex on gender, family pressures, and socialization around parenthood
• [31:09] – Jen Ortiz reflects on series and her own learnings

For more, check out The Cut’s “Oh Baby” series for the full essays and further stories discussed on the episode.