All Of It: Episode Summary - New Memoir: "The Dad Rock That Made Me a Woman"

Host: Alison Stewart
Guest: Nico Stratus
Release Date: May 12, 2025
Podcast: All Of It by WNYC

Introduction

In this episode of All Of It, host Alison Stewart welcomes writer and cultural critic Nico Stratus to discuss her new memoir "The Dad Rock That Made Me a Woman." The memoir delves into Nico's personal journey, intertwining themes of identity, music, transformation, and the profound impact of her relationship with her father.

Overview of the Memoir

Nico Stratus introduces her memoir as a "mixtape journey of her life," exploring significant moments from her childhood in the Yukon to her struggles with alcohol, loneliness, and gender identity. The memoir emphasizes the transformative power of music in shaping her experiences and personal growth.

[01:00] Alison Stewart: "If you're a certain age, chances are that a mixtape plays an important role in your history. It does for writer and cultural critic Nico Stratus."

Defining "Dad Rock"

A central theme of the memoir is "dad rock," a term Nico explores to describe the music and life lessons imparted by her father. When asked about the origin of the book's title, Nico shares:

[02:02] Nico Stratus: "I don't know how I came up with that. I just know that I did at some point."

Regarding the definition, Nico clarifies that "dad rock" is not meant to be pejorative but rather a positive, mentoring force. She defines it as a way fathers share their life experiences without dictating how others should live, emphasizing teaching through failure.

[02:32] Nico Stratus: "It's the idea of a dad as somebody who is not trying to tell you how to live, but he is trying to show you, through his own experiences, how you can live if you choose to."

Teaching Through Failure

Alison Stewart probes deeper into this concept, and Nico elaborates on her experiences in construction and how embracing failure became a learning tool.

[03:37] Nico Stratus: "A lot of it is just being willing to fail. And if I do, knowing that that's going to teach me something about whatever I'm trying to do when I try to do it again."

This philosophy not only influenced her approach to work but also her writing, where willingness to fail allows for growth and refinement.

Understanding Her Father Through Work

Nico discusses how working alongside her father in his glass shop provided her with a new perspective on him, revealing facets of his personality and work ethic that she hadn't fully appreciated before.

[04:55] Nico Stratus: "Being able to work with him, I got to sort of see him in an environment I never really knew was real... and now he is a much more fully realized person."

This hands-on experience deepened her understanding and appreciation of her father, integrating these insights into her memoir.

The White Shirt Theory

One of the memorable lessons Nico learned from her father is the "White Shirt Theory," which symbolizes intentionality and mindfulness in daily actions. Her father’s attempt to keep his white shirt clean while working with glass serves as a metaphor for striving to avoid mistakes and living thoughtfully.

[06:12] Nico Stratus: "My dad has this thing he calls the white shirt theory... trying to not make so many mistakes today that when I get home, my shirt's the same color that it was when I woke up this morning."

Nico applies this theory to her writing process, striving for precision and care in her work.

Significance of Mixtapes in the Memoir

Mixtapes play a vital role in Nico's memoir, representing a cohesive narrative of her memories and emotions. She explains how creating mixtapes was a way to string together songs that told her story, much like chapters in a book.

[07:33] Nico Stratus: "It was a way of taking all these memories and stringing them together in a way that felt cohesive and that it was trying to tell a story."

Alison Stewart relates to this sentiment, likening mixtapes to collages that capture the essence of personal experiences.

Influence of Specific Songs and Musicians

Nico highlights the profound impact specific songs have on her life and writing. She discusses R.E.M.’s "Man on the Moon," appreciating its blend of dark and whimsical tones, and how it mirrors her own creative struggles.

[11:20] Nico Stratus: "Man on the Moon is kind of dark in its own way... it's such a good snapshot of the multitudes in their work."

She also mentions Bruce Springsteen’s "Dancing in the Dark," connecting the song's themes of self-doubt and transformation to her own experiences with alcoholism and gender identity.

[14:22] Nico Stratus: "Dancing in the Dark is a perfect song... when I look at myself in reflections, I don't know who this person is."

Relationship to Music and Cultural Impact

Growing up in the Yukon Territory, music served as Nico's portal to the wider world, fostering her imagination and sense of possibility. Listening to music allowed her to envision places and selves beyond her immediate environment.

[12:47] Nico Stratus: "Music was kind of all I had... and music was this thing that binds a bunch of songs together in memory."

She reflects on how music not only provided solace but also inspired her to believe in her potential to transcend her circumstances.

Trans Identity and Broader Life Experiences

While Nico’s memoir addresses her trans identity, she emphasizes that it is not solely a trans memoir. Instead, she intertwines it with broader experiences related to labor, class, and her upbringing to present a multifaceted narrative.

[15:47] Nico Stratus: "I wanted to reflect all of the things that built me to the point that I was... how can this be multifaceted?"

This approach underscores the complexity of her identity and the various factors that have shaped her life.

Sobriety and Personal Challenges

Nico candidly discusses her journey to sobriety, detailing the pivotal moment that led her to seek a better life free from the grips of alcohol.

[17:25] Nico Stratus: "Because it was just becoming a problem and it wasn't going to allow me to be alive anymore... I decided I'm going to quit."

She shares the challenges of maintaining sobriety and the ongoing nature of personal growth and self-improvement.

Conclusion

Nico Stratus’s "The Dad Rock That Made Me a Woman" offers a deeply personal exploration of identity, music, and transformation. Through her discussions on All Of It, listeners gain insight into how fatherly influence, personal struggles, and the power of music intertwine to shape one's journey towards self-discovery and acceptance.

[19:24] Nico Stratus: "It deepened my connection to a lot of them, for sure."

Alison Stewart wraps up the conversation, highlighting the multilayered nature of Nico's memoir and the universal themes that resonate with a diverse audience.

[23:50] Alison Stewart: "Thank you for coming by the studio."

Upcoming Event:
Nico Stratus will be speaking tonight at 6 PM at Rough Trade in conversation with Maris Kreitzman. For more information, visit roughtrade.com.