
Comedian Michael Abber, host of the web series 'Roommate Court,' discusses how he thinks about the issues that arise when two independent adults share a home.
Loading summary
Michael Aber
All of it is supported by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.
Alison Stewart
This is all of it on wnyc. I'm Alison Stewart. This past week, the Fairness in Apartment Rental Expenses Act Fair took effect, shifting the broker's fees to landlords. That's the good news. The bad news is there aren't any laws about roommates who don't do the dishes or take out the trash or have a rambunctious pet. But TikTok is offering a new solution, Roommate Court. On Roommate Court, comedian Michael Graber hears conflicts between roommates making the call on who's right and who's wrong. So we decide to bring him in and have Roommate Court on the radio. Michael Graber is here to take your calls.
Michael Aber
Hello. Hi. How are you this today?
Alison Stewart
I'm doing wonderful. Listeners tell us what are you and your roommate arguing about? Do you need help figuring out which one of you is the problem? Or maybe you're pre argument and you're trying to figure it out if it's worth bringing something up or how to bring it up the right way? Our phone lines, they're wide open. 212-433-WNYC 212-433-9692. What do you enjoy about hearing about people's roommate problems?
Michael Aber
Oh, gosh, that's an excellent question. I find people in their when they're forced to live. Okay, here's my overwhelming thing here.
Alison Stewart
Okay.
Michael Aber
Currently in this lifetime, we are forced to deal with a lot of people we were never meant to meet or come across. And I think living in New York, it's kind of like when you're temping anywhere else, you are dealing with people you were never meant to mesh with. And that's why it's quite fascinating. Also, it's Michael Abrar. But Alison, you're doing perfect.
Alison Stewart
Abber. Yes, Abber. Abber.
Michael Aber
Otherwise though, Allison, you nailed it.
Alison Stewart
My guest is Michael Aber. Thank you. Host the TikTok show Roommate Court. We're taking your calls about cohabitation grievances. 2124-3396-9221-2433, wnyc. How do you find roommates to be on the show?
Michael Aber
So people call in. There is a phone number you can actually call and my voice will pick up and you would Be stunned by the things people are willing to say to an answering machine. For example, oh, we got a fascinating one from someone in New Brunswick. So I can't go see her, unfortunately, that's a little. A little out of my realm.
Alison Stewart
Okay.
Michael Aber
I go to Bushwick. I go to Queens. That's where we draw the line.
Alison Stewart
Okay.
Michael Aber
But she has an ex boyfriend living with her who, while playing Xbox Live, she hears saying awful things about her to random people he's playing Xbox with.
Alison Stewart
Oh, that's a problem.
Michael Aber
And if I may say, you should not live with anyone who owns an Xbox. Limit that.
Alison Stewart
How do you determine what is a good dispute for the show?
Michael Aber
I think a really good dispute for the show is one in which they both feel quite strongly that they're right, but they want to get along.
Alison Stewart
Oh, that's interesting.
Michael Aber
So we get people really real. I think when people feel really passionately that they are right about this one thing, but they really do want to get on in their home and they want to go about their day, that's going to be a good case.
Alison Stewart
And we should say you didn't go to law school, right?
Michael Aber
I did not go to law school, but Alison. Oh, was I great at mock trial? I was so good at mock trial. Also, I'm gay and Jewish, so I'm genetically predispositioned to be judgmental.
Alison Stewart
Before we get into some serious problems. Serious problems.
Michael Aber
Serious, yes. This is very serious to me.
Alison Stewart
Yeah. Why do you think this show has become such a hit on TikTok?
Michael Aber
That's very interesting to me. I think the thing that has stunned me about it is everyone thinks they have a case for this show. Everyone thinks they have the case that's gonna end all cases on this program.
Alison Stewart
Interesting.
Michael Aber
And I think also I'd like to think that how loud I am gives people allowance to be loud themselves.
Alison Stewart
Oh, that's funny.
Michael Aber
So I think that people think my presence is gonna give them the ability to be crazy and not the craziest one in the room. I think that's part of the desire as well.
Alison Stewart
I'm speaking with Michael Aber, host of the TikTok show Roommate Court. We're talking about roommate disputes. Our number is 212-433-9692. Call in with your roommate dispute. All right, we're gonna talk moving in. When you're looking for a roommate. Yes. You wanna put your best foot forward in the interview. Do you have any etiquette tips for people going on roommate interviews?
Michael Aber
Well, it depends on how you find your roommate. I found my first housing situation in New York on a Facebook page called Queer Housing nyc. And my amazing comedian friend Bridget Foley once said, quite wisely, finding queer housing in New York is like saying, gun to your head, who do you want to live with? From the Renaissance Fair. So my warning to anyone having a roommate interview is you're interviewing them.
Alison Stewart
Okay.
Michael Aber
You are deciding is the smell of this home. The smell. I'm okay. Eventually rubbing off on me.
Alison Stewart
I smell this home. Yes.
Michael Aber
I got it.
Alison Stewart
Okay. I got it, got it, got it. How do you think about the choice of who gets what bedroom if they're different sizes?
Michael Aber
It's about how much you're paying in the rent. That's it.
Alison Stewart
Bottom line.
Michael Aber
Rent should be different if you have a different size room.
Alison Stewart
What about furniture and decorating? Does every new chair or wall hanging need to have a conversation?
Michael Aber
Now, that is a fabulous question. The answer is yes. Needs to be a conversation if this is right for the home, if this is right for the duo, for the roommate situation. But my firm belief is one person should pay for all of it, and then they get to take it with them when they move along.
Alison Stewart
Really?
Michael Aber
I do not believe in splitting the cost of things as it's happening.
Alison Stewart
Okay, tell me more.
Michael Aber
If. If the couch is coming in.
Alison Stewart
Okay, I'm just coming in.
Michael Aber
If a couch coming in, one person has to pay for all the couch. And then when they move out, they get the couch. That's how that's done.
Alison Stewart
That makes actually quite a bit of sense.
Michael Aber
Custody of a couch. You'd be stunned by how many of this. How much of this I hear.
Alison Stewart
Really? You hear a lot about furniture being a problem.
Michael Aber
Custody over items is a big one.
Alison Stewart
What else is a big one?
Michael Aber
Ooh, I. Everyone has an issue with a cat. Everyone has an issue with a cat. And believe me, when you ask them how they got the cat in the first place, that's where it gets scary. We had one where the cat was in the apartment before they were.
Alison Stewart
Oh, and they moved in. The cat was there.
Michael Aber
Yeah. So I kind of feel like they should. The cat has custody of them if they want it.
Alison Stewart
Let's talk to Donna from Albany who is online one.
Michael Aber
Hi, Donna. Donna. That's a fabulous name.
Donna
Oh, Donna is a fabulous name.
Michael Aber
I think it is. Donna.
Donna
Oh, Donna. I like Donna. I like the way you say that. It's a Boston kind of an accent. But anyway.
Michael Aber
Anyway.
Donna
Or maybe it's Brooklyn. Anyway, this is. I. I'm getting some answers just listening to you. I want to keep myself anonymous. My daughter moved Back from Brooklyn about six months ago to Albany when she. Yeah, to Albany. Right. Living in the house that she grew up in. She's 28, 29. Excuse me, years old. Years old. And Donna, but sometimes the mother daughter thing is, is it gets in the way with boundaries. Can you hear me?
Alison Stewart
Yes, Mother daughter. Mother daughter gets in the way with boundaries.
Donna
Mother daughter, boundaries. Okay. I, you know, when she first moved back, I charged her rent $200. Oh, that's a good deal anyway. Well, yeah, but it's, you know, it's not that much to keep this huge house going here. Her dad is gone. He passed away 12 years ago. There's 40 years P S. Between us. Okay.
Michael Aber
Okay.
Donna
Pretty hip. I'm a pretty hip 69 year old woman. Okay.
Michael Aber
I should say. So your name is Donna and you call them wnyc.
Donna
I like to tell people I'm Bella Donna to go into my 70s, help me out here. Because between the communication and the boundaries, you know, I mean, she's not working now. She's going to be going to school, allegedly in the fall through a nursing program up here.
Michael Aber
Okay.
Donna
To me is interesting because she's been very big into political science. But anyway, she's got to have something, so that's. Yes, please tell me what to do.
Michael Aber
So I'm hearing a bit of a mamma Mia, lady bird situation happening in the home. I always say that I know what it's like to be the mother to a daughter because I have a roommate named Sebastian who doesn't wash their hair. So I would say we're looking at a communication issue. Or do you want her out of the house? Do you want to live symbiotically in the house?
Donna
No, I want to live symbiotically. I want to live peacefully. I'm a Quaker. Love a Quaker to do this.
Michael Aber
Well, then what you do is you're going to hold a Quaker collection. You're going to bring her because Quaker collection, I believe everyone gets to speak. Is that correct?
Alison Stewart
I believe so.
Michael Aber
So you're gonna take her to a Quaker collection? There's one in Pennsylvania. We can find it right now. Alison, we can find it right now. And you're gonna talk about it in front of other people. And when her issues are heard in front of other people, she's gonna have to pull it together faster.
Alison Stewart
Donna Belladonna, thank you for the call. If you would like some roommate advice from my guest Michael Aber, host the TikTok Show Roommate Court, give us a call. 212-433-969. 2, 2, 1, 2, 4, 3, 3. WNYC. We break. This is all of it. You are listening to all of it on wnyc. I'm Alison Stewart. My guest is Michael aber, host the TikTok show Roommate Court. Did I say it right?
Michael Aber
You got it right. You nailed it. So if I may say, the coffee here at WNYC is very good. So keep donating. It's going to the right place. I don't know.
Alison Stewart
I think we have office coffee. But you're enjoying it.
Michael Aber
I'm enjoying it. It's getting me where I'm going.
Alison Stewart
There you go. A lot of the inner workings of roommates is picking your battles.
Michael Aber
Yes.
Alison Stewart
How annoyed should you be before you call a house meeting, you should be.
Michael Aber
Pretty at your limit. This is what your outside friends are for. For saying awful things about people that you love and have to deal with every day. You should be saying all the awful things about the people you love to other people. And only after that has been exhausted do you get together.
Alison Stewart
This is a text we got. It says fun topic, fun guest question about the frequency of sleepovers by romantic partners and others. At what point does this topic call for a discussion about boundaries and a possible adjustment to rent split?
Michael Aber
Oh, oh, oh. I love where she's taking this one. Oh my God. First of all, where it's a limit is kind of where we're heading with the six senses. You know, how much are you seeing? Do these people smell when they come in? Can you hear them? That matters a lot in terms of if this is a conversation that you need to be having. If you can. If they smell really bad and you can hear what's going on, yes, it matters. And if they're in the common space and if they're not putting things away, that's where it really goes awry. So I would look, here's the sad news. I don't think this is something that we can resolve with splitting the wrench it differently. I think you got to stick with the situation that you have. However, I do think it's a you should be able to select who your roommate is sleeping with. If they're going to do it that often, you get a say in it. I think they should have to pitch you this person and you can say this person is allowed in your home and if you co sign them doing explicit acts and intimate acts inside of your apartment.
Alison Stewart
Here's another one. This is from Anonymous. It says, I lived in a four bedroom apartment in college in Ithaca and frequently had issues with our veto system. When we did grocery shopping, we chose two vetoes as a no. It's simpler to avoid a food issue if two people don't agree. However, if three of us wanted to pregame a party, the fourth was adamant on not letting us. Despite a 3:1 vote, we tended just not to host parties. At that point. He wouldn't allow us to use a living room. This continued until he moved out. Was there anything we could do about it or was that mess just bound to happen?
Michael Aber
Yes, there was something you could do about it. Anytime someone is infringing on your right to have a cocktail, you put that to an end. That's where the veto system has gone too far. You should be able to have a cocktail in your home whenever you want. Three is a perfectly good majority to have. Also, I think the issue with veto systems and any food related issue is it's too easy to lie to fix it. For example, I had a roommate once who weighed really, really smelly ham things. And finally I just said I kept kosher, which was not true. But, yeah, that solved the problem.
Alison Stewart
Yeah, perfectly true lie.
Michael Aber
It's a good lie.
Alison Stewart
Right. Let's talk to Will, who's calling in from Bushwick. Hey, Will, thanks for making the time to call all of it.
Michael Aber
Hi, Will.
Will
Hi. Yeah, hi. Yeah, I'm just sitting here in my car for alternate side parking, so, you know, nothing better to do.
Michael Aber
That's who we got, Allison.
Alison Stewart
That's who we got.
Will
Yeah, I just have this hilarious ongoing thing with my roommate. You know, he is a couple years younger than me. We have wildly different political perspectives, which is funny because I'm from a very conservative town, so I'm not used to dealing with people further left than me. But he. Yeah, he's like one of those, like, don't vote communists, like, who thinks that, like, the Democrats and the Republicans are the same and I'm a normie lib. And so it always evolves into this. I don't. He can say stupid things. And I'm like, okay, whatever, dude. And then he makes. But then when I, like, express an opinion, then he's like, oh, my God, you're buying into the system. You're a fascist. And I'm like, dude, it does not need to be this deep. And then, like, on top of that, we just have wildly different senses of humor because I have a very, like, sarcastic, irreverent sense of humor. I'll make fun of you, but it's not like, that deep. Like, you can make fun of me back. And I'm not offended. So sometimes I'll say something like lighthearted and like that to me is light hearted. And then he like chews on it for days. Like two days later. Like do you remember what you said to me? And I'm like, I honestly do not remember what I said to you. Like that was not edited any in any way negatively.
Alison Stewart
Yeah, I hear two different things.
Michael Aber
I hear too as well.
Alison Stewart
I hear politics and humor go via politics.
Michael Aber
I say challenge your roommate not to participate in the economy and see what happens. Put them to barter alone and then see how they are after like a week or so. I think that's a good system also. Oh, introduce them to someone really good looking who's voting for Zo Ron. I think that will change everything.
Alison Stewart
Say that again. What?
Michael Aber
Introduce the roommate to someone really good looking who is on the Hot girls for Zoran system. I think that will change a lot. I'm looking at the sound booth, right? That's a good idea.
Alison Stewart
Yeah, I can talk to her about it if she wants to. What about a bat? If your senses of humor don't get along.
Michael Aber
Look, I'm inclined to say you're allowed to joke and your own home. I think you seem decently funny. I think you seem funny enough where you like. I don't know if I'd ha ha the live long day, but you know what? I'd grin. So I think you need to. What, may I ask you, how funny are you?
Will
I mean, I've been told I'm pretty funny, but who knows if that's an accurate.
Michael Aber
Can you give us some of your sarcastic irreverent wit to sample at this moment?
Will
Oh God. Well, you know what? This is actually. Oh, this is just mean, actually. But this is a little mean. But this came up during a political argument. Okay, he was, he was. Oh God, he was calling me a fascist or something for buying into the system and having a job basically. And I just turn and I look at him and I'm like, okay, you can think that if you want. I enjoy not being poor anyway.
Michael Aber
Oh yeah, you can't be making jokes in the house. No, you shouldn't be doing that.
Alison Stewart
No jokes in the house.
Michael Aber
But also, who's paying for your roommate's rent? Who's paying for your roommate's rent then?
Will
Well, he has like a part time job, so he pays less than me. I'm like the majority shareholder or whatever of the apartment.
Michael Aber
Oh, that changes everything. Now you, you, you get to decide certain key things. You pay most of the rent. You, you have Say over things. Joke all you wanna.
Alison Stewart
Thanks, Will. What do you gain out of being actual friends with your roommate?
Michael Aber
Oh, gosh.
Alison Stewart
Or is. Or is that not the best way to go?
Michael Aber
I'm very dear friends with my roommates, and I feel I gain a lot. If you ask them, they will not say so. I think what you need to accept about being friends with your roommate is one party is going to be gaining more than the other, and is that okay? That's where that line is drawn when.
Alison Stewart
You are disputing cases on your show, roommate court. On TikTok. On TikTok, hosted by Michael Aber. Thank you, Michael Aber. What do you need to know before calculating each segment, each dispute you deal with?
Michael Aber
So I walk in trying not to know anything, because the look of the apartment is gonna tell me a lot of what we're doing.
Alison Stewart
Oh, that's interesting.
Michael Aber
So I walked into an apartment once, and before I even looked or knew the. At the people or knew their issue, I was able to pick up seven used cigarettes off the floor.
Alison Stewart
That's enough.
Michael Aber
That's gonna make. Influence my judgment quite a bit.
Alison Stewart
Yeah.
Michael Aber
And from there, I want to know the overarching narrative from one person first, and I want the other person to insert themselves into the timeline. That's gonna be good.
Alison Stewart
And we should also point out you have podiums.
Michael Aber
We have podiums, yes. Really good podiums.
Alison Stewart
How do the podiums get there?
Michael Aber
So I carry the podium podiums in a way that. Look, when you're a contract worker in New York, you don't have too many rights. So, yes, we are lugging those podiums up the most rickety, rackety staircases you can imagine.
Alison Stewart
Let's talk to sue from Brooklyn. Hi, Sue. Thanks for calling all of it.
Michael Aber
Hi, Sue.
Sue
Hi.
Donna
How are you doing?
Alison Stewart
Great.
Michael Aber
We're great, Sue. We're grand.
Sue
Good. So I called because we lived in Williamsburg with roommates. The two of us were the renters, and we always had three other people. So over the course of 20 years, we had 37 roommates.
Michael Aber
Oh, my God, sue, you deserve a Nobel Prize.
Sue
Thank you. And we learned a really good lesson, because what would happen is somebody would come in to look at it.
Michael Aber
Sure.
Sue
And we had. We had two rules. I mean, there were other things about the place, but we had two rules, and one had to do with the kitchen, which is after you're done, whatever you're doing in the kitchen, you clean it spotless, you leave it for the next person.
Donna
Okay.
Sue
The other rule had to do with the garden. We had this Huge terrace and we had lots of plants. And sometimes we would go away and the roommates would have to water it.
Michael Aber
Oh, yeah.
Sue
So when people came, we would say, okay, well, blah, blah. There are these two things. We would describe what they were. So we'd say the dishes and we'd say, you know, are you cool with that? And they would say, yes. Same thing with garden. Yes. Then they would move in and they would leave all their dishes in the sink.
Michael Aber
Oh.
Sue
And we would go out of town and the plants would be dead when we got back.
Michael Aber
Oh, my God.
Sue
So we realized. We realized if you do that, people are always going to say yes to everything if they want a room.
Michael Aber
Exactly.
Sue
So instead you say, so how, when you're at your place now, how do you deal with the dishes and how.
Alison Stewart
Do you deal with the garbage? Is the other way to talk about it.
Michael Aber
Someone gives sue the key to the city. Also, if I may say to any former sue tenants listening, how dare you. How? Sue gave you housing in Williamsburg. You were able to walk to McCarran park and get a BLT from Frankel's. How dare you. But no, you were running a cast for the Friendly Ghost system in which there's a friendly ghost cleaning up everything they're not there. And also keeping everything as you left it. That takes a really good soul to keep that up.
Alison Stewart
Yeah.
Michael Aber
So, yeah, it's tricky. But also, I think asking people to keep things alive, you're always gonna have.
Alison Stewart
Difficulty in our last 30 seconds. Advice you would give to people who are going to be roommates so they can be good roommates.
Michael Aber
Hydrate and shower every day for five minutes longer than you think you need to. However long you think you should be showering, add five minutes. If you're just standing there, that's absolutely fine. That's fine. Also, my other thing is when you put a bowl in the sink, just rinse it so it looks like it was clean and then put in the dishwasher.
Alison Stewart
You have been listening to the wise words of Michael Aber, host, the TikTok Show Roommate Cord. Thank you for coming to join us, Michael Allison.
Michael Aber
It was a thrill. I had a ball.
Alison Stewart
There's more. All of it on the way.
Michael Aber
For 140 years, MultiCare has been in.
Alison Stewart
Washington prioritizing long term solutions, partnering with.
Michael Aber
Local communities and expanding access to care.
Alison Stewart
Together, we're building a healthier future.
Donna
Learn more@ multicare.org McCrispy strips are now.
Michael Aber
At McDonald's tender juicy and its own sauce. Would you look at that. Well, you can't see it, but trust me, it looks delicious. New McCrispy strips now at McDonald's.
Sue
Bottom of the.
All Of It Podcast Episode Summary: "Roommate Court Will Come To Order"
Release Date: June 16, 2025 | Host: Alison Stewart | Guest: Michael Aber | Duration: Approximately 21 minutes
In this episode of All Of It, host Alison Stewart delves into the often tumultuous world of roommate relationships by featuring Michael Aber, the host of the popular TikTok show Roommate Court. The episode, titled "Roommate Court Will Come To Order," explores common roommate disputes and offers practical advice for navigating cohabitation challenges.
Michael Aber introduces Roommate Court as a platform where roommates can present their grievances, and Aber adjudicates to determine who is right or wrong. The concept has resonated widely on TikTok, prompting Alison to bring the discussion to radio, inviting listeners to call in with their own roommate issues.
"A really good dispute for the show is one in which they both feel quite strongly that they're right, but they want to get along."
— Michael Aber [02:58]
Aber emphasizes the importance of selecting disputes where both parties are genuinely interested in resolving conflicts amicably. He notes that the authenticity and passion behind each case make for compelling and relatable content.
"People think they have a case that's gonna end all cases on this program."
— Michael Aber [03:43]
Listeners are encouraged to call 212-433-9692 to share their roommate problems, ranging from cleanliness issues to incompatible pets.
When seeking new roommates, Aber advises conducting thorough interviews to ensure compatibility. He highlights the significance of assessing not just financial contributions but also personal habits and preferences.
"You're interviewing them. You are deciding if the smell of this home is okay to you. Eventually, it rubs off on you."
— Michael Aber [04:34]
He shares his own experience of finding roommates through a Facebook page, emphasizing the challenges of selecting compatible housemates in a city as diverse as New York.
Aber discusses the complexities of sharing spaces and belongings, advocating for clear agreements on who owns what and how shared items are managed. He suggests that major purchases, like furniture, should be handled by one person to avoid conflicts.
"One person should pay for all of it, and then they get to take it with them when they move along."
— Michael Aber [05:27]
This approach helps prevent disputes over property custody and ensures that shared items do not become sources of tension.
Effective communication is crucial in maintaining harmonious living arrangements. Aber advises setting clear boundaries and addressing issues promptly before they escalate.
"Everyone has an issue with a cat. Everyone has an issue with a cat. And believe me, when you ask them how they got the cat in the first place, that's where it gets scary."
— Michael Aber [06:10]
Through listener calls, such as Donna from Albany's situation with her adult daughter, Aber provides tailored advice on maintaining boundaries within familial and roommate relationships.
Donna's Call [06:35]: Donna seeks advice on managing boundaries with her daughter who moved back home. Aber suggests facilitating open communication, possibly through structured formats like Quaker collections, to address underlying issues calmly and collectively.
Will's Call [12:55]: Will describes conflicts arising from differing political views and senses of humor with his roommate. Aber humorously recommends introducing the roommate to someone who might influence his perspectives positively.
"If you are paying more of the rent, you get to decide certain key things. You can joke all you wanna."
— Michael Aber [15:47]
Sue's Call [17:42]: Sue recounts her long-term experience with multiple roommates, highlighting the importance of setting clear rules from the outset. Aber praises her approach but also humorously admonishes former roommates for not adhering to agreed-upon standards.
In the concluding segment, Aber offers practical tips for maintaining good roommate relationships:
Personal Hygiene:
"Hydrate and shower every day for five minutes longer than you think you need to."
— Michael Aber [20:01]
Kitchen Etiquette:
Ensure dishes are rinsed and placed in the dishwasher promptly to maintain a clean shared space.
Conflict Resolution:
Address issues only after exhausting other avenues, relying on external friends for venting rather than letting frustrations fester.
Alison Stewart and Michael Aber wrap up the episode by reinforcing the importance of communication, respect, and clear agreements in fostering positive roommate relationships. Listeners are encouraged to apply these insights to create harmonious living environments and to participate in future episodes by sharing their own experiences.
This detailed exploration of roommate dynamics offers valuable perspectives for anyone navigating shared living spaces, blending humor with practical advice to address common and unique challenges alike.