Tell Us About Your Year

Summary

Podcast Summary: All Of It – Episode: "Tell Us About Your Year"
Release Date: December 23, 2024
Host: Alison Stewart, WNYC

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Introduction

In the December 23, 2024 episode of All Of It, hosted by Alison Stewart, the focus centers on gratitude and the diverse experiences of individuals navigating both personal and societal challenges throughout the year. The episode aims to highlight how gratitude manifests in various forms, from overcoming significant health issues to finding new relationships and professional fulfillment.

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Exploring Gratitude Amidst Challenges

The episode opens with Chris Duffy inviting listeners to share their stories of gratitude from 2024. He emphasizes that gratitude can range from minor day-to-day blessings to profound life-altering events, encouraging listeners to reflect on both personal and professional milestones.

Alison Stewart introduces the theme by discussing her conversation with Jamil Zaki, a psychologist and author of Hope for Cynics. At 01:19, she explains the concept of the "cynical genius illusion", highlighting that while 70% of people perceive cynics as smarter and better at predicting outcomes, studies show that cynics are often worse at tasks like lie detection compared to more hopeful individuals who maintain faith in others.

Alison Stewart [01:19]: "Jamil has all these examples of ways in which having a little bit more hope and faith in other people actually serve us better and make us more successful."

She further delves into Zaki's idea of auditing one's internal chatter at 02:37, advocating for a balanced perspective that distinguishes between helpful thoughts and harmful cynicism.

Alison Stewart [02:37]: "Doing a little bit of an audit and thinking through what is actually helpful and what's not and what's factual and what is my interpretation—that's a really important piece."

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Insights on Building Meaningful Relationships

The conversation shifts to relationship dynamics, featuring insights from Logan Ury, a behavioral scientist and dating coach. Alison discusses Logan's advice on being "interested, but not interesting" at 06:32, stressing the importance of showing genuine interest in others rather than solely focusing on presenting oneself as fascinating.

Chris Duffy [06:32]: "Being interested more than interesting."

Alison Stewart elaborates on this by contrasting superficial interactions with deeper, reciprocal conversations that foster meaningful connections.

Alison Stewart [06:33]: "The trick that Logan says... is to be interested more than interesting."

Additionally, Alison shares Logan's suggestion to actively participate in events one enjoys to foster deeper relationships, rather than just attending passively.

Alison Stewart [08:33]: "Figure out how you can help out and be a part of it. If you love the book club, help organize the book club."

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Creating Good Jobs: Insights from Zeynep Tan

At 11:31, Alison Stewart introduces Zeynep Tan from MIT’s Good Jobs Institute. Zeynep advocates for "good jobs" that prioritize dignity, respect, fair pay, and predictability. She highlights examples like Costco, which outperforms competitors by treating employees well, thereby fostering a more motivated and productive workforce.

Alison Stewart [11:31]: "Zeynep is really trying to lead this revolution saying like, every job can be a good job if we think differently about treating the people at every level of the organization as a resource."

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Listener Stories: Triumphs and Resilience

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to listener calls, each sharing personal stories of gratitude amidst adversity.

1. Angela from Brooklyn (04:12) shares her gratitude for surviving young-onset Parkinson's disease diagnosis and remaining functional despite the challenges.

   Angela [04:12]: "I'm really grateful for the fact that I'm still here and that I'm still fairly functional and able to be out in the world."

2. Josie from Montclair (04:49) expresses relief upon discovering her colon cancer has not metastasized, highlighting the importance of hope in difficult times.

   Josie [04:49]: "I can't tell you that I would never have thought that I would be jumping for joy that I don't have cancer in my lungs or liver. But I am."

3. Sharon from the Upper West Side (09:28) recounts her battle with an orbital tumor, emphasizing the critical role her dedicated doctor played in her recovery.

   Sharon [09:28]: "[...] my surgery went well and the doctor saved me."

4. Alan (10:48) thanks creative colleagues for their support despite being laid off multiple times, underscoring the value of working with empowering and talented individuals.

   Alan [10:48]: "I am so thankful for just getting to work with creative people."

5. Blaze in Brooklyn (12:41) shares the emotional significance of receiving her first real Christmas tree as a gesture of kindness from a grief support group member.

   Angela [12:41]: "It was just incredibly kind and..."

6. Jennifer in Shrewsbury (13:30) expresses gratitude for rebuilding her relationship with her mother after relocating to care for her amidst dementia.

   Jennifer [13:30]: "We didn't have a great relationship and now we're growing a beautiful one."

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Reflections and Forward Look

Towards the episode's close, Alison reflects on the diverse expressions of gratitude shared by listeners, noting how challenging circumstances often reshape one's perspective on what they value. She engages with a listener discussing her own recovery journey post-brain surgery, highlighting resilience and the commitment to focus on positive experiences despite uncertainties.

Listener [14:23]: "We're just gonna go with the good days. We're going to go with the good stories."

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Conclusion

"Tell Us About Your Year" encapsulates the essence of All Of It by intertwining personal narratives with expert insights, demonstrating how gratitude can be found in both triumphs and trials. The episode underscores the importance of maintaining hope, fostering meaningful relationships, advocating for dignified work environments, and recognizing the profound impact of community support.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Alison Stewart [01:19]: "Jamil has all these examples of ways in which having a little bit more hope and faith in other people actually serve us better and make us more successful."
• Alison Stewart [02:37]: "Doing a little bit of an audit and thinking through what is actually helpful and what's not and what's factual and what is my interpretation—that's a really important piece."
• Chris Duffy [06:32]: "Being interested more than interesting."
• Alison Stewart [06:33]: "The trick that Logan says... is to be interested more than interesting."
• Alison Stewart [11:31]: "Zeynep is really trying to lead this revolution saying like, every job can be a good job if we think differently about treating the people at every level of the organization as a resource."
• Alison Stewart [13:30]: "We didn't have a great relationship and now we're growing a beautiful one."
• Listener [14:23]: "We're just gonna go with the good days. We're going to go with the good stories."

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Final Thoughts

Alison Stewart skillfully navigates through a tapestry of stories and expert opinions, painting a comprehensive picture of gratitude's multifaceted role in shaping our lives and communities. By spotlighting both struggles and successes, the episode invites listeners to find gratitude in their unique journeys and underscores the collective strength of the WNYC community.

Transcript

[Alison Stewart]

Listener support, WNYC Studios.

[Chris Duffy]

This is all of it. I'm Alison Stewart. We're continuing our coverage of gratitude. Listeners, give us a call and tell us what you're feeling grateful for in 2024. It could be small. It could be life changing. Did you get a new job you wanted? Did you leave a job you want? Did you get a cat? Did you find faith? 2124-3396-9221-2433. WNYC. Or maybe you're grateful for a person in your life. We'd like to hear that, too. 2124-3396-9221-2433. W n y C Every week on the podcast how to Be a Better Human, Chris Duffy tackles tough questions with great aplomb. He doesn't always get to the answers and honestly, some problems just don't have answers. But he does give it a thoughtful discussion. Hey, Chris, welcome back to the show.

[Alison Stewart]

Thanks so much. I'm so glad to be back.

[Chris Duffy]

Now there are plenty of people out there who are not feeling all that grateful. Maybe the election didn't turn out the way they wanted. Maybe New York's gotten too expensive, or maybe they're just feeling a little bit cynical. And you covered this on your podcast with Jamil Zaki. Tell us who Jamil Zaki is.

[Alison Stewart]

Yeah. So Jamil Zaki is a psychologist and he is the author of this fantastic book called Hope for Cynics. And you know, I am kind of one of those people where I'm like, it's not always a great year. There's not reasons to believe that it's necessarily going to become a better year next one. And I think the one thing that's really amazing about Jamil is talking to him about how we sometimes think that being hopeful for the future is the same as being gullible or naive. And he, because he's a, he's a psychologist, he's done all these really interesting studies and worked with colleagues who've done really interesting studies. And one that made me really change the way I think about this is he described something that's called the cynical genius illusion, which is that most people think that, that the smarter people are cynics, right? Like 70% of people in these studies say that cynics are smarter than non cynics. If you ask, like, who's going to predict the future better? Who's going to be better at picking out liars from truth tellers, it would be the cynical person. And yet, even though 85% of people think cynics will be better lie detectors in test after test after test. They are worse at lie detecting than people who are not cynical and have more faith in other people. And that's just a small example of it. But Jamil has all these examples of ways in which having a little bit more hope and faith in other people actually serve us better and make us more successful.

[Listener]

Yeah, my favorite thing he said, he's talking about auditing one's own iter chatter. What does that mean?

[Alison Stewart]

There's this idea that, like what we say, I mean, anyone who's been to a therapist has, has heard this, I certainly heard this from my therapist, that, that you think that everything you think and everything that your inner voice says is just a fact, that that's the only way of seeing things. And that instead maybe we need to think through. Like, are there other ways of seeing it? Just because I have a voice in my head that says that, is that necessarily a fact? And doing a little bit of an audit and thinking through what is actually helpful and what's not and what's factual and what is my interpretation that that's a really important piece because often the cynical voice and the voice that says that everything is bad, it's only going to get worse is coming from that place. Oh, please stop, please. I was gonna say a really interesting example of this that, that he gave is if you ask people how different they are now from who they were 20 years ago, people will say, I'm dramatically different from the person I was 20 years ago. Like, I've changed so much, or even 10 or five. But then if you ask them how different do you think you'll be in the next 20 years or the next five years, they say I won't be that different at all. Right. So we have this idea that we're like one fixed person and things don't change. They've only changed in the past. And yet that's obviously demonstrably not true.

[Listener]

This text says, I'm grateful for all the difficulties I faced in 2024, both national and personal, because they made me think about who I am, what I stand for, and how I can commit to being really true to that. That's an excellent text. Let's talk to Angela from Brooklyn.

[Angela]

Hi. I wanted to say I love this. I loved your story. That was really great. Yeah. I'm really grateful for the fact that In March of 2, at the age of 39, I was diagnosed with young onset Parkinson's disease. So it's, it's, it's been a long time and I can't believe how long it's been since then. And I'm so grateful for the fact that I'm still here and that I'm still fairly functional and able to be out in the world.

[Listener]

Congratulations. I hope that things work out for you. I really appreciate it. Let's talk to Josie in Montclair on line two. Hi, Josie.

[Josie]

Hey. I'm a longtime listener and a big fan. Thanks. So just last week I found out I have colon cancer. But just this morning the CAT scan came back and said that it is not metastasized everywhere. So I can't tell you that I would never have thought that I would be jumping for joy that I don't have cancer in my lungs or liver. But I am.

[Chris Duffy]

Josie, thank you so much for sharing your story. My guest is Chris Duffy. How to Be a Better Human is the name of his podcast. Call in and tell us us what you're feeling grateful for in 21. It could be big. It could be life changing. Did you get a job you want? Did you leave a job you want? Did you, did you get a cat? 2124-3396-9221-2433 wnyc is the way to reach out to us. Someone we know described getting a divorce and then falling in love at the same time. You covered falling in love on your show with a very specific person, this woman, Logan Ury. Will you explain, Logan?

[Alison Stewart]

Yeah. So Logan Urie is a behavioral scientist and a dating coach. She's the expert on the new Netflix show the Later Daters, who helps them date. But she also has all this scientific and academic background and she's done all this work and written a book, how to Not Die Alone. And so she really knows the mistakes that people make when they're dating and also the ways that you can reset your quest to find love and actually find a person.

[Chris Duffy]

By the way, that wasn't me that I was referring to, by the way.

[Alison Stewart]

Okay, okay. I didn't want to ask, but it seemed like it might be. You never know.

[Chris Duffy]

No, not me. Not me. One thing that she suggests, which I thought was really interesting was she said you should be interested, but not interesting, right?

[Alison Stewart]

Yes.

[Chris Duffy]

And explain the difference.

[Alison Stewart]

Well, this is, you know, a lot of times people think that the best way to get someone to like them is to be the fascinating person to have gone on all these amazing trips and read all the most intelligent books, to, you know, be this impressive person. And yet the people that we actually like, the Most are the ones who are interested in us, the ones who ask us questions and let us talk about ourselves, too, not just share their own thing. So the, the trick that Logan says, which is very good advice, and, and anyone who has ever listened to this show knows that you are a master of this, is to be interested more than interesting. Although I have to say, you're also interesting. So that's. That's not what I'm trying to say there. But the idea is, you know, give people a space to, to brag and to be amazing and then tell them that you think that they're amazing and interesting.

[Listener]

You know, something else she said was she reported on. You should report versus shifting the subject.

[Chris Duffy]

And I can be guilty of this.

[Listener]

Is that I want to report on my. I did that too, but I shouldn't do that. I should think about shifting the subject to the other person. Right?

[Alison Stewart]

Yeah. I mean, you know, there's always this balance where you want there to be a shared vulnerability. Right. You can't ever get into. And this is true. Not just in romantic relationship. This is true. If you're trying to make friends with someone, if you're trying to deepen any relationship, you have to share about yourself and you have to let them in and share the things that are. That you're actually feeling and vulnerable. But I think sometimes people tend to have this idea, again, it comes from, like, trying to impress the other person rather than to let them know that you care about them. Which is to say, like I say, and I went on a trip to Greece. And then you say, oh, let me tell you about my trip to Greece. And it just becomes 10 minutes of me hearing about your trip and I didn't get to share about mine. So you want it to be a back and forth. You want there to be space where it's. It's a dance rather than a dance recital. So. And you know, the other thing that Logan said, because I, I've been in a relationship for a long time, so for me, it's like I kind of don't remember what it was like to start dating in some ways. And. But I think so much of Logan's advice actually applies to whether you're trying to make friends or build relationships in any way. And one of them that I've been thinking about a lot is that people say, like, I don't meet people. Like, I go to an event and there's interesting people there, but we don't actually have a deep connection. And so Logan's advice was if you find Events that you like, right? Like maybe you like the book club or maybe you like the knitting circle or you like the. The Friday night dinner. Whatever it is, don't just go. Try to become one of the people who is organizing and putting on those events, right? So if you go to the food pantry and you enjoy it, then try and do your best to become one of the organizers there. Figure out how you can help out and be a part of it. If you love the book club, help organize the book club. Because the people who are putting on the events you like, they're spending a lot of time together and they're getting to know each other in a deeper way, which I just love. I think that's a really practical way to get to know people.

[Chris Duffy]

Take a call. Sharon from the Upper west side. Thanks.

[Sharon]

Sharon, hi. Thank you for taking my call. And I love your show and I'm glad you're well. I'm calling because many years ago, I went to my eye doctor because when I had my eyeglasses on with my right eye, I wasn't seeing okay. And when I took off my glasses, when I looked on a certain angle, everything was 2020, and so I couldn't wear them. And I could not wear them because I needed to see. So my doctor said, okay, well, it's rare, but maybe we'll wean you off some. Your eyeglass lenses. I said, no, you're not getting it. Yeah, this is the story. And he took out some apparatus and he measured my eyes because it didn't look like one was bulging, but it was. So I had CAT scans and all sorts of tests taken. Turned out to be an orbital tumor in the socket of my eye. And there were only three doctors in all of New York that specialized in this.

[Chris Duffy]

And he was able to really.

[Listener]

Yeah, I want to dive in here.

[Chris Duffy]

It was he your mind.

[Listener]

The message here says, my surgery went well and the doctor saved me. Thank you so much for calling in. I do want to get to Alan because we're going to run out of time. Alan, could you tell us what you're thankful for?

[Alan]

Yeah. So I am so thankful for just getting to work with creative people. And, you know, no matter what jobs or life throws at me, I got laid off this year. I actually got laid off for the third year in a row this year. But one of the things that I've learned through all of that hardship is just the thing that you can never really get too much of a smart, creative, empowering people to get to work with, one of whom is actually Chris, who I worked with on a podcast a long time ago. So Chris, nice to see him.

[Alison Stewart]

Hi.

[Sharon]

So great.

[Listener]

It's interesting you talked about jobs because one of your experts talked about the way to find a really, really good job or to like, sort of rethink about what you think about a good job. What did she tell you makes up a good job?

[Alison Stewart]

So Zeynep Tan is an expert at MIT who runs the Good Jobs Institute. And you know the biggest thing, it sounds so simple and obvious, and yet it is actually kind of unusual, is a job that treats you with dignity and respect, pays you fairly and gives you predictability. And Zeynep talks about how we sometimes think like those jobs are not possible for everyone to have. Some people are just not going to be able to have a quote, unquote good job. But she gives the example of a place like Costco where they treat everyone really well, People get paid fairly, they have predictable work schedules, people like to work there, they feel like they're empowered and listened to and they do a better, more profitable business than the competitors, the big box stores that don't treat their workers well. So Zeynep is really trying to lead this revolution saying like, every job can be a good job if we think differently about treating the people at every level of the organization as a resource, as a talent and importance, rather than thinking of them as expendable resources that we should be trying to squeeze everything out of and then throw them away.

[Listener]

Hey, Blaze in Brooklyn, what are you gonna tell me?

[Angela]

Hi, thanks for taking my call. I'm a little nervous, but I just want to say I'm so grateful for this Christmas tree that I have. It's the first tree I've had in my apartment. It's a real tree. And it was important to me because I wanted to get a tree for my dad who died 10 months ago and he loved decorating trees every year and it was like our ritual that we did together. And I have a tree now because it totally little. Someone that I don't know in a grief support group sent me money to get a tree and it was just incredibly kind and.

[Josie]

Yeah.

[Listener]

So thank you so much. Let's go to Jennifer in Shrewsbury. Jennifer, can you tell me in 30 seconds?

[Josie]

Yeah, just really grateful for getting a new relationship with my mother, who I had to move up here to New Jersey from Georgia mid year because she has severe dementia and she's definitely not the same person she was. We didn't have a great relationship and now we're growing a beautiful one. So I'm grateful for that.

[Listener]

Thank you so much for calling in. Okay, Chris, I'll leave you the last minute and 30. You want to ask me a question?

[Alison Stewart]

Yeah. Well, I want to first of all, just say so amazing to hear all these calls because people are grateful for things that you wouldn't really want. But then the perspective changes when you get a situation that's bad and then you figure out your way through it. And obviously this is something that you've been experiencing with the brain surgery and the recovery. And so I know, just as a fan of the show and a listener, I'm curious about this, and I bet a lot of people are too. What are you working on? What are your hopes for the recovery and where are you at and what are you hoping to get to? Where are you hoping to get to in 2025?

[Listener]

I don't know where I'll get in 2025. I'm really grateful for everybody at Team all of It. And here at wnyc, they've been really terrific. There have been ups and downs. Some days I'm like, I'm not doing this again. And other days, like, I nailed it. So we're just gonna go with the good days. We're going to go with the good stories. We're going to go with the I did it right and the day that I did it wrong. I hold up my hands and I say, we'll do it again tomorrow.

[Alison Stewart]

I love that.

[Listener]

My guest has been Chris Duffy, how to Be a Better Human podcast. It's terrific. Hey, Chris, thank you for joining us.

[Alison Stewart]

Thank you so much for having me and thanks for everything you do. Since WNYC's first broadcast in 1924, we've been dedicated to creating the kind of content we know the world needs. In addition to this award winning reporting, your sponsorship also supports inspiring storytelling and extraordinary music that is free and accessible to all. To get in touch and find out more, visit sponsorship.wnyc.org.