Episode Overview

Podcast: All Of It
Host: Alison Stewart (WNYC)
Episode Title: The Gilded Age Divorce that Scandalized the New York Public (Women Behaving Badly)
Guest: Barbara Weisberg, author of Strong: A Scandalous Divorce in Old New York
Date: August 16, 2024

This episode explores the explosive 19th-century divorce of Mary Strong and Peter Remsen Strong—a story filled with secret affairs, societal expectations, and a headline-making trial that gripped New York. As part of the “Women Behaving Badly” series, the conversation delves into Mary’s scandalous relationship with her brother-in-law, the era’s unforgiving divorce laws, and the persistent themes of reputation, gender, and agency in Gilded Age society. Author Barbara Weisberg brings the tale to life, sharing her discoveries and reflections on what made this case so notorious and enduring.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Discovery and Research of the Story

• Barbara Weisberg’s Introduction to the Story

  • Weisberg encountered the story while researching another project; she stumbled across the scandal in the diary of New Yorker George Templeton Strong, a relative to the main participants.

    “He writes about everything having to do with New York in this diary that goes for 40 years, I think. And right in the middle of it, he talks about this terrible divorce that his cousin Peter is going through.”—Barbara Weisberg (02:55)

• How the Research Unfolded

  • Pandemic restrictions shifted Weisberg from library research to deep internet exploration.
  • Unique documents included 1830s passports and long-lost depositions; an archivist at the Municipal Archives even unearthed a “shopping bag” of original testimonies.

    “A few days later, he came out, literally with a shopping bag and all these rolled up yellowed papers. And they were all depositions from people…” —Barbara Weisberg (04:29)

  • Weisberg credits librarians and archivists for making such a detailed history possible.

2. The Marriage: Mary Stevens and Peter Remsen Strong

• Their Social Standing and Courtship

  • Both came from New York's elite “old money” society—a match rooted in status and love.
  • Peter fell “desperately” for the young, 19-year-old Mary; he was 29.

    “It’s said that Peter fell desperately in love with her when he met her.”—Barbara Weisberg (05:22)

• Early Frictions in the Marriage

  • Immediately after the honeymoon, Mary was uprooted from her urban life to Peter’s family estate in then-rural Queens, surrounded by in-laws.
  • Differences in temperament quickly became pronounced: Peter was a socialite, away often; Mary was religious, serious, and focused on motherhood.

    “Mary almost immediately was taken away from everything she knew and transported into a world where she was surrounded by in laws. And I think that probably from the beginning irked her.”—Barbara Weisberg (06:32) “Peter was kind of a social butterfly…Mary was a more serious person. She was somewhat religious…She was a good mother. And Peter…was off and about and living, I think, a different kind of life.” (07:32)

3. The Scandal: Affair, Confession, and Trial

• Mary’s Affair with Edward Strong, Her Husband’s Brother

  • Edward, recently widowed, was viewed as “an absolute paragon of virtue”—a church deacon, godfather to the Strongs’ baby, and a Union soldier.
  • The affair was confessed by Mary during a time of grief following their daughter’s death.

    “Edward is just going off to war…so everybody thinks that Edward is just this paragon of virtue.”—Barbara Weisberg (09:04)

• Conflicting Narratives

  • Peter’s family portrayed Mary as the seductress; Mary’s family claimed Edward pressured and possibly assaulted her.

    “One version...is that Mary was a seductress…The other version…is that Edward pressured her and eventually assaulted and may even have raped her.” —Barbara Weisberg (11:01)

  • For Mary, evidence surfaces of both guilt and complicity, revealing how complex her motivations and experiences were.

4. Divorce and Societal Implications

• Extreme Rarity and Legal Obstacles

  • Divorce was “almost impossible” in New York at the time. Only adultery constituted legal grounds—not cruelty or desertion.
  • Societal norms dictated quiet separation rather than legal dissolution; proceeding with a divorce aired dirty laundry, especially among the elite.

    “To sue for divorce means that you’re basically advertising infidelity. Nobody really wants to do that, particularly the snooty upper class, who, again, have this reputation to uphold.” —Barbara Weisberg (13:20)

• Disaster for Women

  • Divorced women lost both financial support and custody of their children.

    “For women at the time, divorce is really a disaster…even worse, in most situations, women lose custody of their kids…In a divorce situation, the father gets custody of the children.” —Barbara Weisberg (13:53)

• Mary’s Desperation

  • Fearing she would lose her children, Mary fled with their youngest daughter.

    “Absolutely. It seemed very clear that Peter…wanted full custody of the children, wanted to control whether or not Mary was allowed to see them...” —Barbara Weisberg (14:30)

5. Abortion and Social Change

• Attitudes Toward Abortion

  • Early 19th-century America was relatively permissive (“pre-quickening” abortions unpunished), but by mid-century, increasing criminalization occurred as male doctors dominated women’s healthcare.
  • Class played a significant role—elite women’s abortions provoked greater scandal.

    “For a good at least half a century, abortion was readily available, and then it became less available as the century wore on.”—Barbara Weisberg (16:42)

• Was There An Abortion?

  • The records are inconclusive. Weisberg suspects Peter orchestrated it and “paid off” the abortionist, who was his tenant.

    “It was awfully convenient that this abortionist actually was a tenant of Peter’s, and that Peter continually visited the abortionist…and then he gave her…wonderful terms on her lease. So I felt like there’s a payoff going on there.” —Barbara Weisberg (17:48)

6. Public Fascination with the Case

• Escapism in a Time of War
  • The trial gripped the public, offering a distraction from Civil War tragedies and the assassination of Lincoln.
  • Unlike modern celebrities, high society then fiercely guarded its privacy, making the scandal even juicier.

    “There’s nothing like high society gossip to take your mind off more painful, more painful topics…this divorce broadcast this bad behavior from Boston to San Francisco…” —Barbara Weisberg (18:54)

7. Mary’s Connection to Edith Wharton

• Family Ties and Literary Resonance
  • Mary Strong was Edith Wharton’s first cousin once removed; Wharton later famously wrote about similar themes.
  • No evidence that Wharton directly used Mary’s story, but the themes of reputation, marriage, and divorce are unmistakably shared.

    “…the very themes that Wharton writes about—marriage and divorce in an age of tremendous transition—is really the stuff of the strong story.” —Barbara Weisberg (20:50)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Librarians and Archives:

  “Librarians are wonderful.” —Barbara Weisberg (05:02)

• On Gendered Expectations:

  “Women in Victorian America are supposed to be genteel and they’re supposed to be proper and they’re supposed to be well behaved, not badly behaved. Oh, no, no, no, no.” —Barbara Weisberg (10:17)

• On Social Change and Abortion:

  "As doctors take over the business of women's medicine, they are less sympathetic to women's needs. And you begin to have laws criminalizing abortion really from quickening on." —Barbara Weisberg (15:51)

• On the Enduring Mystery:

  “There are mysteries about the human heart that really can’t be resolved.” —Barbara Weisberg (17:45)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:35–02:54 — Episode Introduction & setup of the Strong divorce case
• 02:55–05:03 — Weisberg’s discovery and research process
• 05:03–08:19 — Mary and Peter Strong: marriage beginnings, lifestyle, and early frictions
• 08:19–12:21 — The affair: Edward Strong, conflict, and perspectives on guilt
• 12:21–14:49 — Divorce law in 19th-century New York and consequences for women
• 14:49–17:36 — Abortion in 1800s society and its role in the Strong case
• 17:36–18:30 — Was there really an abortion?
• 18:30–19:55 — Why the case gripped New York’s attention
• 19:55–21:14 — Mary’s connection to Edith Wharton and cultural legacies

Final Thoughts

The episode not only exposes a forgotten slice of sensational New York history but also draws parallels to modern debates about gender, privacy, and women's agency. With sharp research and thoughtful speculation, Barbara Weisberg breathes new life into the Gilded Age’s most notorious divorce, serving up a rich tale of love, betrayal, and society’s rules—then and now.